Reading Time: 78 Minutes

Title: Made from Love
Author: EAlexBeau
Fandom: 9-1-1
Genre: Drama, Episode Related, Hurt/Comfort, Male Pregnancy, Romance
Relationship(s): Evan Buckley/Tommy Kinard
Content Rating: R
Warnings: Major Character Death, Character Bashing, Anatomy Descriptions/Medical Descriptions, Past Domestic Violence, Canon Violence, Discussion of Infant Death (No Actual Death), NICU Descriptions, Medical Negligence, Lawsuits, Discussion of Restraining Orders
Author Note: Please see main story page for notes
Beta: FaerlyGraceful
Alpha: Irrelevant86, FaerlyGraceful
Word Count: 65,188
Summary: Bobby said that Buck would be okay and that ‘they’ would need him. He never said that ‘they’ meant the One-Eighteen, and Buck is starting to think Bobby knew something he didn’t. But he was right. ‘They’ did need him and he would, eventually, be okay.
Artist: Jilly James

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Chapter Six

“It’s Maddie,” Buck sighed, turning his phone around to show Tommy the text notification from his sister.

“It’s been a week since you texted her. She’s only checking in with you now?”

“She was probably busy. Between Chimney being in the hospital again, and then Jee and work, and being seven months pregnant on top of it? I bet Maddie just forgot to text me back.”

Tommy just gave Buck a look that said he didn’t buy that excuse, but he would let it slide. Despite being out of work, the two men had been very busy themselves. Buck was learning all that he could about carrier pregnancies and cryptic pregnancies, Tommy was trying to keep him from completely spiraling into the worst case scenarios, they were both trying to organize Buck’s move into Tommy’s house, and they were starting a lawsuit and couple’s therapy on top of all of that. But they still made time to text or call their loved ones to check in on them.

“What did she text you?”

“Chimney and Hen are both going to be released from the hospital today. She wants me to drop off some groceries for them so she can stay with Chim. Apparently the Lees have Jee and she doesn’t want to make them venture out to a grocery store with a toddler,” Buck explained. He didn’t realize how long and how intensely he was looking at his phone until he felt Tommy’s thumb smoothing out the crease between his eyes.

“You don’t have to help her, Evan. Remember what Dr. Emerson said about avoiding stress and resting as much as you can? Maddie can always get her groceries delivered through Instacart or DoorDash if she really doesn’t want to leave Chim’s side,” Tommy reminded Buck.

“I know. Honestly, if I thought that it was just about getting groceries, I would do it in a heartbeat.”

“But you know your sister.”

“But I know my sister. I go to drop off the groceries, and it’s hit or miss if she’ll even pay me back for them, but then I’m asked to stay and help with cleaning, or making dinner. And I just can’t give Maddie that kinda effort right now. Especially considering… Did I tell you that Maddie and Chim had a gender reveal for their new baby? It was a couple of days before that last shift.”

“Oh? Please tell me that they didn;t do anything like sparklers or confetti,” Tommy joked. He nudged the chair that Buck was sitting in to face him, then grabbed his bad leg to give it a massage. It was the little things like this that made Buck feel so safe and secure in what he and Tommy were building this time.

“They went with a cake, but I only know even that much because I saw the Instagram post. I wasn’t invited. They claimed that it was just for Jee-Yuen since everyone else already knew the gender. Except for the fact that the Wilsons were all there. I’m Maddie’s brother. Jee and the new baby are my niece and nephew. But apparently that means nothing when it comes to the family that the Hans and Wilsons are building together.

“Which, you know what? I really should have seen this coming. Hen and Chimney are trauma bonded and Maddie and him are codependent as fuck with this super toxic pact of no secrets between them, which includes secrets that other people confide in one of them,” Buck could feel himself gearing up to go on a a rant about all of the ways Maddie and Chimney’s relationship made him uncomfortable. A rant that he normally kept to himself, but Buck stopped it in its tracks. Going off on them, even in private, would only raise his blood pressure more. Instead, Buck took a deep breath and got to the point. “That’s all up to them to manage. But my sister and Chim fostering Mara just made those relationships worse, at least to me. They insulated themselves as this family unit and cut me out of it. And…” Buck trailed off, unsure how to voice his next thought, or if he even should.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, Evan,” Tommy gently reminded him of yet another reason why he loved him. The older man never pushed him to talk before he was ready.

“And I appreciate that more than you know, but this involves you so I think I need to tell you, even if I don’t necessarily want to talk about it right now.”

“Is this a couch cuddling conversation?”

Something they’d discovered in the last week was that there were some conversations that were hard for them to have, even if they needed to. Cuddling on the couch so that they didn’t need to make eye contact, but could still take comfort from each other seemed to help.

“Yes, please.”

They grabbed drinks and then settled on the couch, Tommy propped up on the armrest and Buck tucked between his legs, back to chest. Tommy handed him the throw blanket from the back of the couch to throw over their intertwined legs. Then, finally, Buck spoke.

“I needed to vent after our hookup and your comment about Eddie, so I talked to Maddie. She asked me if I was absolutely positive that I wasn’t in love with Eddie, made all of these facial expressions and noises like she didn’t believe me when I said that I wasn’t or like she thought that I was being stupid again. Then she said that I need to ‘learn to be alone.’”

“Learn to be alone? What does that even mean?” Tommy huffed. His hand was slowly running over Buck’s lower abdomen, and he could tell by the gentleness that Tommy probably didn’t even know. It made Buck smile, thinking about the care Tommy was already showing toward their baby.

“I thought she meant that I needed to learn to find fulfillment outside of a romantic relationship, which is rich coming from a woman who’s almost constantly been in a relationship since she turned eighteen. But with how she and everyone else have been pulling away from me, I’m beginning to wonder if she meant that I need to be alone in general. Like the fact that I’m single with no children or even the prospect of a serious relationship at my age means that I’ll never have those things.”

“Okay, no, that’s not true. Maddie may not know it, but we know that we’re working on our relationship. And you’re doing the hard work of literally growing our child. But even if all of that wasn’t true, I’m forty, sweetheart. Howie was the same age when Jee was born. You’re not even thirty-three for another month. Hardly an old maid doomed to spinsterhood.” God Buck loved Tommy’s dry sarcasm. “And no matter how your sister meant it, she was extremely out of line to tell you that, especially with how you grew up and lived before you came to LA.”

“I think I needed someone to remind me that my sister is full of bullshit.”

“I’m always going to defend you from people’s bullshit opinions of you. I feel like I didn’t do that enough. There were plenty of comments that the One-Eighteen or your family made that I was upset with. But you never reacted to any of them, so I didn’t either.”

“Defending myself has never really gone well for me,” Buck muttered.

“Well then I guess I’ll have some things to say the next time I see everyone.”

“On a not much better note, May texted me an update on Athena. Apparently she’s trying to go back to work like nothing happened. She’s not suspended like we are, but her captain isn’t just letting her back either. Without telling you too much of her personal business, this is the third partner that Athena’s lost in some way. She had a fiancé in the nineties who was murdered shortly before the wedding. They only found his killer a couple of months before lockdown. Then her first husband, Michael, Harry and May’s dad, and Athena divorced not long before the end of my probie year because he’s gay and couldn’t keep living like he was. And now Bobby.”

“And I’m guessing she’s trying to deal with this loss the same way she dealt with the others, by throwing herself into work?”

“Seems like it. I’ve been giving her space because May thinks she needs it, but now I’m wondering if I made the right choice.”

“I wish I had an answer for you, honey.”

Like so often in the past week, they let a comfortable silence overtake them and simply enjoyed each other’s presence. Buck wished that they could just stay like this forever. In each other’s arms and their child safe inside of him, but he knew that wasn’t possible.

“I’m gonna text Maddie that I have an appointment today and I can’t drop off groceries, but I’ll check in with her tomorrow,” he finally decided. “I’m technically not even lying because we have an appointment with that lawyer, Mr. Grady, today.”

“I almost forgot about that. Speaking of Mr. Grady and our lawsuit, have you heard back from Connor or Kameron yet?”

“Nope. I sent Connor a second text though. Pretty much said the same thing. I found out some new medical information about myself that affects his son and I need him to call me back. It says that the text was delivered, so I know he hasn’t blocked me, but he’s not answering either. Not even to tell me to fuck off and leave his family alone.”

“We can talk to Mr. Grady about it. Maybe his office can send them some kind of official letter,” Tommy suggested.

“That sounds like a good idea,” Buck agreed. “And Tommy?”

“Mhmm?”

“I’m still not ready to tell anyone about the baby, but would you be okay with it if I told Maddie that we’re back together? I know I’m going to really need your support over the next few months and I’d rather her get Maddie voicing her opinions about you being around again over with now.”

“If telling your sister that we’re back together is going to decrease your stress, then I’m all for it,” Tommy told him. “That’s my ultimate goal. And it’s not like you’ve been keeping me or the baby a secret because you’re ashamed of us. You have genuine reasons to keep that to yourself.”

“Thank you, babe. Love you.”

“I love you, too.”

_______

It was nearly a full week before Buck was able to actually go over to Maddie’s to check on his sister and brother-in-law. The visit went about as well as he would’ve hoped. Until he brought up Tommy.

“How have you been?” Maddie asked after telling Buck all about her worries for Chimney.

“I’ve been okay. About as well as could be expected given the circumstance. Having Tommy around had helped. He’s been a huge support for me the last couple of weeks.”

Buck does not like the frown on his older sister’s face. Or the way she responds to that with, “You and Tommy are talking again?”

“I mean, I called him and asked him to steal a helicopter for me so we could distract the Army and, hopefully, buy Athena time to get the cure to Chimney. It would be kinda weird if I didn’t talk to him after that.

“And beyond all of that, it was Tommy’s friends Miriam and Jake who arranged for us to get home after… the lab. Tommy didn’t feel comfortable leaving me alone that night and I really didn’t want to be alone either. The next day we had a couple of really long, emotional talks. The end result was that we decided to get back together. We’re seeing a couple’s counselor next week. We’re actually looking forward to it.”

The frown on Maddie’s face only deepened. “I had to get to the hospital so I could be there for Howie. After being the one to handle that call. I’m sorry that you weren’t exactly my biggest priority.”

“Jesus, Mads,” Buck groaned. He really should have expected this kind of reaction from Maddie, but for some reason he just hadn’t. “That wasn’t meant to be an attack on you, it’s just what happened. I knew you had other priorities, so I wasn’t expecting you to also figure out how I was getting home. Especially since the Army kept me and Tommy in quarantine for hours after Bo-Bo-, it happened. I’m just grateful that someone did help me get home and that Tommy stayed with me afterwards.”

Buck had been hoping that explanation would leech some of the tension and disappointment from Maddie’s face, but it didn’t. Clearly that was only part of whatever issue Maddie had with what he said. “Okay, out with it.”

“Excuse me?”

“Clearly you don’t approve of something I said. Spit it out so we can deal with whatever it is now instead of leaving it to fester.”

“Is it really a good idea to get back together with Tommy right now? Especially if you two feel like you need a counselor?” Maddie huffed and crossed her arms, just bleeding disapproving mom energy all over her kitchen.

“If we learned anything from the last couple weeks, hell, the last couple of months, it’s that life’s too short to spend it being afraid to go after what makes you happy,” he defended. “This wasn’t a decision we made on a whim. We talked about everything that went wrong last time, about our hookup, about what we want for our futures. We also recognized that one of our biggest issues was communication, hence the agreement to see a couple’s counselor to deal with that.”

“Don’t you think you might be rushing the decision? I mean, did you even talk to Eddie about this? Or at least talk to him about your feelings?”

“No. Because A, whenever Eddie calls me, he just wants to talk about his problems. B, he may be my best friend, but that still gives him absolutely zero say in my relationship. Eddie can voice his opinions, and I know that I’ve told him my thoughts on his relationships in the past, but I’m under no obligation to listen to him, just like he didn’t have to listen to me. And C, I have no romantic or sexual feelings for Eddie and the fact that Tommy accused me of having these feelings and that you also seem to think that there’s something there more than friendship isn’t any of Eddie’s business. Seriously, I feel no need to ever bring it up with him because Tommy and I deserve some privacy on the issue. If I hadn’t been so upset, I wouldn’t have even told you about it.”

“I just think that it’s something you need to be really, really sure about before you get into a relationship, whether that’s a new one or an old one.”

“Okay, no. You need to stop.”

“How can you be sure of your feelings for Eddie without talking to him?” Maddie continued to press.

“Because I know my own mind and my feelings!” Buck snapped. “I’m not now, nor have I ever been in love with Eddie and I’m extremely insulted that you keep ignoring everything I’m telling you about that. I’m also starting to think that your problem might specifically be that I want to be with Tommy, not someone else. Or was your whole ‘learn to be alone’ speech about me dating in general? Because I gotta admit, it sure is more convenient for you when I’m single and you can randomly drop Jee off with me, or I can drop everything to help you.” Buck knew that his accusation was a low blow. That there wasn’t much basis for it and he was just lashing out. But he also couldn’t stop himself.

“Excuse me?!”

“See how I read into your words and actions there?” Maybe now you understand how I feel when you do the same to me, especially about Eddie.”

“That’s not at all the same thing!” Maddie argued. “I don’t want you to stay single because it’s convenient for me!”

‘I’ve been ‘alone’ most of my adult life, you know that. So of course I’m going to infer that you told me that I needed to learn to be alone because it was convenient for you! You want me to take you at your word that you didn’t mean it that way? Then take me at mine, especially when it comes to my emotions. And if you can’t take me at my word, then at least respect me enough to keep your opinions to yourself.”

Maddie’s only response to that was to purse her lips. It wasn’t an agreement, but she wasn’t arguing with him either, so Buck took it as a win for now. There was something else he needed to go over with Maddie before they could hopefully put this entire situation behind them.

“What’s your problem with Tommy?”

“I don’t have a problem with him,” Maddie denied.

“Just me being in a relationship with him?”

Buck watched his sister take a deep breath and straighten up like she was preparing for a fight. “First of all, you two broke up for a reason.”

“Tommy broke up with me because something I said scared him and he panicked instead of talking to me. It was a communication issue that we recognize now. Again, we’re going to see a counselor to help us with that issue. Next.”

“Second, he thinks you’re in love with Eddie and called him the competition.”

“I spent a long time thinking that I needed to be of service in order for people to care about me. That I needed to make myself useful in order for them to keep me around. I’m always going to blame that on my childhood. Because you and our parents may not have ever told me about Daniel and the circumstances around my birth, but the way you all grieved still had an effect on me,” Buck quietly explained. Talking about their brother was still a hard thing to do for him and Maddie. But they couldn’t deny the effect he had, and in many ways still has, on their lives. Unfortunately, it was also still a topic they disagreed on. Maddie couldn’t understand how emotionally disconnected Buck was from a sibling he never really knew or knew about for almost thirty years. Buck often became angry when Maddie tried to use Daniel to brush away their parents’ bad behavior. Bringing him up always risked a fight in Buck’s eyes, but this was one of the times he felt it was necessary. “I don’t really feel like that anymore. Like I need to be useful to be wanted. But some things are still sticking around from that. Like putting others wants and needs before my own. Eddie has been having a really hard time since Chris chose to move to Texas. And because I wanted to prioritize Tommy and my relationship with him, I felt like it was selfish to not go when Eddie texted, or told me he didn’t want to be alone. Tommy felt like I was prioritizing Eddie over him when I thought I was prioritizing Eddie over myself only. That’s my issue to work on, but I’m going to.”

“Eddie’s been there for you from the beginning,” Maddie argued. The longer this conversation went on, the weaker and more desperate his sister sounded. Buck didn’t know why she couldn’t just listen to him and drop the subject. “Every time you’ve needed someone since you came to LA, Eddie’s been there for you.”

“Do I need to take you to the ED or call your doctor?”

“What?”

“You know for a fact that there were plenty of times that I needed someone and Eddie wasn’t there for me. Then there’s the fact that I had already been in LA for the better part of two years before I even met Eddie. The fact that you forgot that has me worried about you,” Buck explained.

Maddie blew him off with a simple wave of her hand. “It just slipped my mind that you got here first because I’ve only ever seen you two together. You try being seven months pregnant, recently kidnapped and almost killed, supporting your husband who almost died and lost someone very dear to him, and taking care of a preschooler on top of all that.”

Buck barely help himself back from retorting that Maddie should try being seven months pregnant with a baby she didn’t know was physically possible while rebuilding a relationship with said baby’s father, all while mourning the only real parent she’d ever known after he just adopted her. Buck didn’t say any of that though. The news of his impending fatherhood was something that Buck was adjusting to. Maddie finding out was absolutely not a can of worms that he wanted to open up and deal with. Instead, he simply said, “Just remember to lean on your support system when you need them.”

“You mean like when I asked you to get groceries for me the day Howie was released from the hospital?” Buck could really do without the raised eyebrow and sarcasm.

“I told you that I had appointments that day.”

“What appointment could be so important and long you couldn’t make time to help me with a quick grocery run?”

“Where do you want me to start? Not all of us got off scott free. Tommy and I were both officially suspended for a week and made ineligible for promotion for the next two years. The Army is also trying to take away our benefits despite the fact that I served in the Navy.” Technically, Buck had attended appointments about all of this in the past nearly two weeks since that fateful call. He just hadn’t attended them the day that Chimney was released. Instead, Buck and Tommy had spent hours that day with a lawyer so that they could start the process for suing the fertility clinic that Connor and Kameron had chosen. Said lawyer felt so confident about their case and enraged by the details that he decided to take it up pro bono. There was definitely something personal going on there, but they weren’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Not that Maddie needed to know any of that quite yet.

Maddie rolled her eyes at his explanation. “I think I would know if you had ever served in the Navy.”

“I told you about it in one of my postcards,” Buck argued. “I just wasn’t truthful about the timeline. Mom and Dad signed my enlistment papers when I was seventeen. I’d already been deployed twice when I tried to get you to leave Doug. I got into the SEAL program shortly after you refused to come with me. Ended up getting a medical discharge not long after BUDs and never finished my full SEAL training. Still, I learned skills that can’t be easily forgotten so I tell people I rang out because I couldn’t turn my emotions off. People who know me easily believe that. When I sent you that postcard about my training, I’d already been out for a couple of years and I was trying to test the waters and ease you into it. Since you never asked about it, and the way you acted after the bombing, I didn’t think it was a good idea to bring it all up.”

“I thought you were trying to impress me by telling me you had a mature, grown up job and then said you dropped out in order to cover up your lie. Not that you actually tried to join the military!”

“Okay,” Buck snapped back. He crossed his arms like he was trying to defend himself and then took a bed breath so that he could try and calm down. “I didn’t ‘try’ to join the military. I was a fully enlisted member of the United States Navy. If it wasn’t for my discharge, then I would still be in the Navy. And before you try to blame me for my discharge, it wasn’t my fault. Something happened with another BUDs candidate during a training exercise and I got caught in the middle. I got hurt enough to warrant a discharge.”

“There’s no way. This is something that everyone at the station would know and Howie would have told me about that.”

“Bobby knew because it’s in my file and we talked about it when I was a probie. At first I gave him the same story I gave you, but the longer time went on and the closer we got, the more I told him. Beyond Bobby needing to know as my captain though, I never told anyone at the station. It’s simply not their business,” Buck was proud of himself for saying his dad’s name for the first time without stuttering or nearly crying, but that milestone brought its own sadness. Instead, he tried to focus on his pride for not telling Maddie exactly what he thought about Chimney telling her everything that happened at the station, even if it wasn’t her business.

“None of that’s really the point right now, anyway. My point is that I’m worried about your thought process. Some of the things you’ve been saying are extremely concerning. If you need help, you just need to ask. I will always do my absolute best to help you.”

“Just as long as you don’t have an appointment with the department or the military?”

“Just as long as I don’t have an appointment with the Chief of JAG,” Buck gently corrected.

_______

Buck had been expecting this call since he first heard about Chimney’s campaign to have the Army release Bobby’s body for burial. “Hey, Athena.”

“Hey, Buck. I’m sorry it took me so long to call.”

“I understood. You and I don’t have the same type of relationship as what I had with Bobby. And it’s not like I’ve been alone. Tommy’s been there for me everyday since it all happened,” Buck reassured his stepmother as he made himself comfortable on Tommy’s couch. God his partner had a nice couch.

“Mmm. So not an ex anymore?”

Buck blushed at Athena’s blunt question. His free hand had migrated to absentmindedly rub his lower abdomen, right over there his baby was growing. “No, Tommy’s not my ex anymore. We had some really long talks after he brought me home and decided to give us another try.”

“That’s really good to hear, baby. Life’s too short to waste it not being with the person that you love.” Buck hadn’t been wrong earlier when he pointed out that he and Athena didn’t have the same relationship that he had shared with Bobby. That didn’t stop him from wanting to reach through their phones to give her a hug. “Speaking of the ones we love, I’m sure you heard about Chimney’s crusade to have Bobby’s body released.”

“Oh yeah, I heard. He got pissy with me when I pointed out that with how angry the Army is with me and Tommy, me trying to help with that would probably make everything worse,” Buck grumbled.

“I’m not Howard Han’s biggest fan right now,” Athena softly admitted. “But they are finally releasing Bobby so that we can bury him. I was talking to May and Harry about the funeral arrangements and they reminded me that I needed to talk to you too, since he was your father.”

“I don’t know the first thing about planning a funeral.”

“I was planning for a traditional department memorial with a burial in Minnesota. With his first family. If you’re agreeable, I’d like you to walk up front with me and the kids, hold Bobby’s helmet, then fly with us to Minnesota.”

Buck didn’t just want to cry at that. He was crying. “I would love nothing more than to say yes to both. But I’m not currently cleared to fly.” Buck chose not to elaborate on that. There was no way that Dr. Emerson would be okay with him flying halfway across the country with how high risk he was. But if Athena thought it was the Army and the FBI keeping him from going? Well, he wasn’t quite up to correcting her, yet.

Buck and Athena talked about the logistics for a little longer, and when they both finally hung up, Buck felt a sense of nervous anticipation of the days to come.

Chapter Seven

The morning of his father’s funeral dawned bright and early for Buck. The sun was shining, the birds that frequented Tommy’s neighborhood were singing. None of it matched Buck’s mood. After all, how could the sun shine on the day they buried Bobby Nash? Buck didn’t want to get up and face the day. He wanted to just stay where he was and try to put it all off a little longer.

“Hey,” Tommy called, forcing Buck to poke his head out of the blanket burrito he had made. “We’ve got a long day ahead of us. Figured I’d bring you some coffee in bed so you could ease into it.”

Buck wiggled out of the blankets so that he was sitting back against the headboard of the bed. Once he was settled, he reached out for one of the mugs in his partner’s hands. “Decaf?”

Tommy shook his head as he passed the mug over, taking his own spot by Buck’s knees. “It’s the real stuff. I know you’ve been avoiding it since we found out about the little one, but you’ve been drinking it your whole pregnancy before that. One cup, on today of all days, isn’t going to hurt you or them.”

“Thank you,” Buck whispered. “I’m going to take Eddie back to his house after I pick him up. Are you still okay to get our blues from the dry cleaners?”

“Of course, sweetheart. And after I do, I’ll meet you at Diaz’s. We can change and then head over to the funeral together. Still can’t believe Diaz chose to cut it so close by flying in on the morning of.”

“Said he got a good deal on the flight and that he wanted to limit how long he’s away from Chris,” Buck grumbled. He wasn’t exactly happy with his best friend at the moment.

“Well, one positive thing is that the less time he’s here, the less of a chance that I’ll knock him on his ass for how he’s been treating you,” Tommy told him. Buck took guilty comfort in how serious his partner was. As much as he appreciated the protective instinct that Tommy was exhibiting and as frustrated as he’d been with Eddie lately, that didn’t mean that he wanted violence against his best friend or anyone else.

_______

Buck pulled his Jeep over to the curb once he reached the right arrivals terminal at LAX. Eddie’s flight had actually landed fifteen minutes early according to the airlines app, so it was a good thing that his anxiety had forced Buck out the door a little early.

“So,” Eddie said as soon as he slid into the passenger seat, his bags tossed in the trunk. “I heard from Chimney that you and Tommy are back together.”

“Let me guess, Maddie told him?” Buck didn’t know why he was even surprised by that.

“You know that they don’t keep any secrets from each other anymore,” Eddie reminded him with a roll of his eyes.

“Yeah, well I specifically asked Maddie not to tell anyone about that. We want to tell people about it ourselves, when we’re ready.”

“Yeah, well,” Eddie repeated and Buck couldn’t tell if the older man was mocking him, “the last time Maddie and Chim mixed you and secrets, it didn’t go very well.”

Buck double checked that it was clear and then merged onto the freeway. “I’m real fucking tired of people making all of that my fault,” Buck snapped. When he realized that Eddie was going to defend Chimney again, he kept talking, bulldozing right over his friend. “My sister called me, told me she took Jee to the doctor, not even that she took her to an ED, just a doctor and that now she didn’t think that Jee-Yun was safe with her. Maddie didn’t tell me where she was going, just that she needed to leave town for a while, but she’d be back. She made me swear not to tell Chim that she called because she didn’t want him to be hurt that he only got a video. Did I read between the lines a bit and realize something made my sister feel unsafe in LA? Yeah, I did. But since I didn’t know about the PPD and Chim never officially reported her as missing, I had no reason to think it was more than Maddie’s standard reaction to retreat and regroup when she’s overwhelmed with something.”

“You still should have told Chimney. He was her boyfriend and the father of her child,” Eddie snapped back.

It took a lot of patience for Buck to not yell at the man he once considered his best friend. “Maddie isn’t Shannon and Chimney isn’t you. The two situations were completely different. Especially when you add in Maddie’s history of being stalked across the country by a previous romantic partner. Chimney may not have hit my sister, but that doesn’t change that he ignored her wishes to be left alone just like Doug did. Only this time, Chim also ignored Jee’s needs because no six month old needs to be on an endless road trip without her village. I’ll never forgive Chim for that. Nor will I apologize for respecting my adult sister’s autonomy.”

“Of course Chimney took Jee with him! She needed her mother!”

Buck took a deep breath to calm himself down, then a second and a third. The last thing anyone needed was for Buck to crash his Jeep, so he carefully kept his eyes on the road. Finding out he was going to be a father had changed Buck’s perspective on a lot of things on this particular topic, he’d gained a lot of clarity. “Today is already one of the hardest days of my life, the last thing I want to do is fight with you about this. Which is why I’m going to say this and then I’m done talking about it. You can, but I won’t respond.

“You can’t keep projecting your belief that Chris needs a mother onto others. What Jee needed at six months old, what any child needs, is stability and love. She needed limited time in her car seat, tummy time, to learn to crawl in her home not a motel. Jee needed all of us to support that. Not her father’s selfish desire to control my sister. Because if he really wanted to help Maddie, he would’ve disregarded her wish to keep her PPD between them and gotten her more serious help when he saw how bad it was. Instead of threatening me over a phone charger, Chim would’ve made sure Maddie wasn’t alone or sent a welfare check for her. But he didn’t. And when my sister broke, which was inevitable at that point, he didn’t report her missing and a possible danger to herself and others either. Because it wasn’t important that Maddie was simply found, it was important that Howard Han find her.

“I’ll leave you with this. You all keep saying that Jee needed Maddie and ignoring what Maddie needed. So what if Chim found her earlier, or Maddie didn’t get help or find a treatment program that worked for her? What would seeing Jee, her biggest trigger, have done to her? What if it had caused her to run again? But this time even farther, made her start over completely out of fear? What if it caused Maddie to commit suicide? Think we could’ve kept that from Jee forever? Would she find out and blame herself? Think about it for a bit.”

This wasn’t the first time that Buck had wondered about what seeing Jee would do to Maddie after she ran away. No, that had happened during an emergency session with Dr. Copeland the day after Chimney had punched him. It was the first time that Buck had mentioned those thoughts to anyone but his therapist.

Of course, Eddie didn’t respect Buck’s request to drop the topic, but he held firm and didn’t respond. Eddie didn’t get a clue until they were a block away from the house, but the new topic he chose was one Buck wanted to talk about even less.

“Were you going to wait until after the funeral to tell me that you’re in love with me?”

“Excuse me?” Buck yelled, barely avoiding slamming on the brakes.

“Maddie also told Chimney that you’re in love with me. Since you’re staying in my house, he thought I should know. I mean, I’m flattered, but I’m straight.”

Buck held onto his temped as tightly as he could as he maneuvered into the driveway. Dr. Emerson is not going to be happy with his blood pressure readings today, that was for sure.

“What’s Tommy doing at my house?” Eddie nearly growled when he saw the older man’s truck already in the driveway.

“Ok, first of all, it’s my house now. If you want to pull the whole subletting thing into it, then I’ll remind you that by that logic, it’s the landlord’s house,” Buck cut into whatever argument that Eddie was about to make. The blond finally lost his cool and hauled himself out of the Jeep, slamming the driver side door behind him before whirling around to glare at a man that he was slowly no longer recognizing as the friend he once knew. “Secondly, my partner’s here to support me and make sure that I have my dress blues since I couldn’t pick you up and get them from the dry cleaners. Finally, I am not now, nor have I ever been in love with you. Any potential physical attraction I may have had when we first met was so fleeting that I can’t actually say one way or another.”

Eddie scoffed at that, coming around the hood to stand closer than Buck was really comfortable with. “Considering you didn’t even realize that you like men until you were in your thirties, you probably don’t have the best judgement for that.”

“Again, I don’t want to fucking fight with you! So just shut up and listen for once! You and my sister aren’t always right, especially when it comes to my feelings!

“I may not always have recognized in the moment when I was attracted to a guy, but I can definitely look back now and point those moments out. I never concretely had that moment with you and I never will. Because even if I wasn’t mostly in love with Tommy, I’ve seen the way that you treat your romantic partners and I want absolutely nothing to do with any of that.

“I’m gonna tell you what I told my sister. Tommy had very valid reasons to call you his competition. We talked about those and we’ll continue to talk about them. But that is our business and we deserve our privacy on the subject. Don’t go spreading this bullshit around.”

“Evan!” Tommy called from the front door. “You two should come inside and get changed so that we can stay on schedule. Especially if you still want to stop by the station before we head to the church.”

“Can’t even get a break from clipboard Buck for one day,” Eddie grumbled.

Normally Buck would have flinched and made himself smaller at that comment, but Buck just didn’t have it in him okay. Still, Tommy knew how Buck would normally react and stepped up to defend him. “Get inside and change, Diaz. And considering organization gives Evan comfort right now, with all of the chaos none of us can control, you’ll do it without complaining about Evan’s schedule or calling him ‘Clipboard Buck,’” he ordered before turning back into the house.

_______

Buck was absolutely furious as he came down the stairs from the station roof and made his way over to Tommy. On the outside he seemed cool, calm, and collected, like a snow capped mountain dominating the horizon. But on the inside, he hid a magma chamber that was slowly building up pressure, boiling away until he inevitably erupts. In keeping with the volcano analogy, Tommy, amazing, beautiful Tommy who loved Buck, was the volcanologist who could read all of the little, secret signs and warn everyone of the eruption so they could get themselves out of the way. But Buck wasn’t actually a volcano in danger of wiping out the entire One-Eighteen and its surrounding area, so instead his partner was able to gently direct him to a private corner of the station and ask him what was wrong. It took everything in Buck not to scream at the top of his lungs.

“He’s drunk!” Buck hissed once he was sure no one would overhear them. Buck refused to be accused of making a scene (or to actually make one) today.

“Who’s drunk?”

“Chimney! After making such a big deal about getting Pops’ body released and me not helping him, he has the nerve to show up drunk! Actually, no, he has the utter balls to show up to my father’s funeral drunk, drowning in so much survivor’s guilt I had to talk him off the ledge, probably literally, and he’s still drinking! Great way to honor Bobby, a man who spent years in recovery and worked hard to fight his addiction!” Buck snapped. He felt for Chimney, understood survivors’ guilt on a deep level. But this kind of behavior was complete bullshit!

“Breathe, sweetheart. Just take a few deep breaths. I know it’s upsetting, but we can’t do anything about it right now. Let’s get through the ceremony and the procession. Afterwards, I’ll pull Maddie aside and tell her about what happened. I know you don’t want to add more to her plate, but neither of us is equipped to help Chimney right now. The best thing we can do is tell his wife so she can support him.”

“And Maddie will probably tell Hen and Karen, so she’ll at least have the Wilsons to help her.”

“Exactly, sweetheart,” Tommy agreed. “I know you want to support your sister, Evan. But remember what Dr. Emerson said? It’s important that you minimize your stress. It’s okay to say that you aren’t able to give Chimney and Maddie the help that they need right now and pass it on to someone who is able to help them so that you can focus on our baby.”

Buck took a few minutes to just focus on his breathing and discretely place his hands over his belly. In the weeks since he’d found out about his tiny miracle, Buck sometimes thought he could feel some movement if he just focused. The problem was that he had no way to prove that it wasn’t a figment of his imagination. Simply his brain telling him that at almost thirty-one weeks he should be feeling movement. Either way, stopping and trying to feel that movement had become his go to way to calm down.

“I’m not being selfish, I’m being a parent. Our child needs me more than Maddie or Chimney do right now,” Buck muttered.

“You’re also prioritizing your own physical health,” his partner reminded him.

All around them, firefighters were starting to make their way out of the station and to the church where Athena had elected to have the main memorial service. Tommy took one look at his watch and began to gently herd Buck to the car that would take him, Athena, and his step siblings to the church. For a moment, Buck was surprised that no one from his team tried to stop him or claim it wasn’t his place, until he saw Tommy blocking the way with his broad body. If he knew the other man at all, then he was also probably glaring at any one who even looked like they would interfere.

Athena had the grace to wait until the car door closed behind him before she started interrogating him. “Want to tell me what that was all about?”

“I don’t want to make today any harder for you than it already is,” Buck tried to deflect his stepmother.

“That’s all well and good, but did you consider that I’ll worry about it anyway and just try to get it out of someone else later?”

Buck knew from personal experience that Athena wouldn’t stop until she had the truth.

“What’s that saying?” May piped up. “A burden shared is a burden halved?”

“And there’s four of us, so really it’s a burden quartered,” Harry declared, adding his own two cents to the topic. Yeah, Buck wasn’t getting out of this one.

“Maddie and I have been fighting for the last couple of weeks. I’ve been trying my best to support everyone, manage my own grief, and try to keep Tommy and myself out of military prison, but she’s still upset that I couldn’t pick up groceries before Chim was released from the hospital. Or that I’m giving it another go with Tommy when she thinks I’m in love with Eddie. I asked her not to talk about those opinions with anyone because Tommy and I wanted privacy, so of course she had to go and tell her husband, and Chimney went and told Eddie. So now Eddie and I are on the verge of fighting because he doesn’t like Tommy, is ‘flattered’ but straight because he believes my sister over me. Oh, and he doesn’t think I had a right to ask Maddie to keep all of that from Chim. Which of course brought up the time my brother-in-law decked me and then stalked my sister across the country. And finally, to top it all off, Howard Han is currently drunk,” Buck huffed. May, who was placed next to him, her mother and brother facing them, just wrapped her arm around him.

It was hard to read Athena’s expression through her sunglasses, but Buck could best describe it as a combination of fury and grief.

“I do not have the strength to deal with Han today, so as long as he can behave, I’ll leave it until we’re back from Minnesota,” she declared.

“No wonder Tommy’s being so protective of you right now,” Harry mumbled.

“Not letting anyone near the car? Yeah, it’s a combo of all that and Chim getting on me for not helping in his crusade to make this funeral possible, Eddie’s history of calling me selfish for expressing my emotions, and Hen always taking her work husband’s side or staying neutral to ‘keep the peace.’ It’s been hinted that I have no place with you guys because Bobby wasn’t actually my father. It hasn’t felt right to tell anyone about the adoption yet,” Buck explained.

“Ok, we are having a wine night ASAP!” May ordered. “We need to have a bitch and sip.”

Buck blushed and sank into his seat a bit more. “I, uh, can’t drink right now. I’m having a few health issues. Some blood pressure concerns and another about potential blood clots. My doctor cleared me for the funeral march, but that’s it.”

“I can see how you wouldn’t be cleared to fly with that combination of issues,” Athena drawled, the edge of a single eyebrow subtly showing over the rim of her sunglasses. It only made Buck blush harder at her original way of calling him out, embarrassed that he’d been caught with his little white lie of omission about being legally barred from flying. The guilt of not telling her the full truth about his pregnancy even now was eating at him. “Did something happen that has your doctor concerned?”

“My bloodwork was a little abnormal when the Army examined me after the call,” Buck carefully explained. “With my history, my doctor is just being cautious. She expects the problem to resolve itself in a couple of months with some careful monitoring and treatment. There’s a small chance that I might need a minor procedure in a couple of months.”

“You’ll let us know if it becomes more serious or if you need any help,” Athena ordered him. “Just because Bobby’s gone, doesn’t mean you’re not family anymore.”

“I promise, if anything changes then I’ll let you know.”

_______

“I think this is the most awkward funeral reception that I’ve ever been to,” Tommy muttered into Evan’s ear as he handed him a plate of food.

The younger man just hissed his name in reprimand.

“What? Everyone is avoiding talking like the plague. Not even just talking about Bobby. Which is half the point of this whole reception, share our good memories of him. But no one is talking about anything.”

“I think most of them are avoiding me, too. Maddie tried to pull me aside earlier to tell me that it was ‘inappropriate’ of me to ‘intrude upon Athena and her family’s grief.” She didn’t outright say that it was about me riding with them and marching up front with them, or even me just sitting with them at the church instead of with everyone else from the station, but it wasn’t hard to figure out what she meant.”

“I know that you just want to try and get along with your sister, but lately, every time you tell me about your conversation with her, I get angrier and angrier.”

Evan just sighed and picked at the sad finger food that had been provided. “I know. I wish I could say this was new behavior for her, but I can’t.”

They stood there in awkward silence for a few more minutes, Tommy trying to subtly encourage Evan to eat. Eventually, he couldn’t take it anymore, declaring, “That’s it. I’m going to make them talk whether they like it or not,” before marching over to where the main One-Eighteen crew were sitting with their loved ones.

“Remember when we first met Bobby? We were making one of our stupid bets about how long he would last and he just jumped right in and made a bet of his own?”

The look Hen gave him could best be categorized as reproachful pity, the kind of heavy look only she could give someone. But she also played along and shared some of her own favorite memories of Bobby, leading everyone else to do the same. Tommy bristled a bit when Chimney interrupted Evan’s story about his first full moon on the job to ‘correct’ him. There was no way that Tommy was going to let that stand.

“That’s funny, Chimney, because I don’t remember you being there. Not when Evan was telling the story, and not when I heard it from Bobby last summer when Evan and I had him over for dinner. His version pretty much matched Ev’s to a T.” Tommy could tell that none of them were very happy with him, but whether that was because he disagreed with Howard Han or because he stood up for Evan, he couldn’t tell. Either way, it was like Tommy’s blinders toward the One-Eighteen had been ripped away ever since he and Evan had gotten back together.

Karen, obviously sensing the tension and being far too good for all of them, started to change the subject. “You know, I don’t think I ever asked Bobby why he became a firefighter.”

“I think he just always wanted to be one. His father and grandfather were both firefighters, so you could almost say it’s in his blood,” Hen told her.

“Bobby was a fourth generation firefighter. He just genuinely never considered doing anything else,” Evan whispered. Everyone around them hummed, but no one outright tried to correct Evan or interrupt him, so Tommy considered it a win.

“Actually, I don’t think I know why any of you guys became firefighters, besides Hen,” Karen stated.

“I never told you the story of the time I saved a girl from a fire at the karaoke bar I worked at?” Chimney joked. It never took much for the other man to brag about himself, so he gleefully jumped into storytelling mode. “I loved the attention I got and saving that girl made me feel like I actually accomplished something, so I decided to become a firefighter and Kevin joined that academy with me.” And just like that, Tommy was reminded of one of the reasons he really hadn’t liked Howard Han when he came to the One-Eighteen as a probie. The man had been an obvious glory hound and Tommy had very little patience for those.

One by one, everyone went around stating why they became a firefighter.

“I was sick of how soulless the pharmaceutical industry could be. I remembered the EMTs who saved my life and decided I wanted a chance to pay it forward,” Hen told them. That was a fairly standard reason a lot of people joined fire departments all over the country, so Tommy wasn’t all that surprised.

“I saw Backdraft at a bar I was working at in Peru. I loved the brotherhood aspect of firefighting, especially since I’d been on my own for so long and one of the guys I’d met was heading back to LA and offered me a room, so I just followed them and decided to apply to the fire academy.”

“You followed a bunch of guys you didn’t know to a new city and you were still surprised you were bi?” Maddie teased her brother.

Tommy watched Evan shrink in on himself and was about to call Maddie out when Karen did it for him. “First of all, that came off as incredibly queerphobic. I’m not now, nor was I ever, attracted to every woman that I met. So why did Buck need to be attracted to men in order to follow those guys back to the US? I’ve never met someone who makes friends as easily as your brother, and it’s usually just that. Second, everyone’s coming out journey is different and no one is entitled to it for any reason.”

There was another awkward silence that fell over the group after that. Tommy got the feeling Maddie wasn’t often called out for her treatment of her brother. Chimney got brave and tried to break the tension with a joke. Unfortunately for him, he hadn’t yet caught on that Tommy wouldn’t tolerate Evan being the main subject of these ‘jokes’ anymore.

“You can’t deny that you really like the attention of the ladies, either.”

“Projecting much, Chim?” Tommy questioned as casually as possible. “Because I seem to recall you literally just telling us that one of the reasons you became a firefighter was because you liked the attention and actively using the job and only the job to pick up women when we used to go out for drinks. So you really can’t judge a probie for doing the same.”

“Okay, before fists get thrown, why did you become a firefighter, Tommy? Especially since you’ve been one the longest of everyone here.” Bless Karen’s willingness to try to keep the peace today.

“Same reason any vet becomes a first responder,” Diaz answered for Tommy. “The structure and comradery are familiar from military service and make transitioning to civilian life easier. The health insurance the department offered was a pretty big factor to me, too.”

“Actually, Diaz, I wanted to be a firefighter before I joined the Army, the military was just a more accessible path for me when I turned eighteen. I joined the fire department after I got a medical discharge from the Army.”

“You’ve told me about that, but I don’t think you ever told me about what made you want to join the fire department before that,” Even commented, turning to give Tommy his full attention.

“When I was fourteen, my aunts on my mother’s side all pooled together to get me a ticket to Woodstock Ninety-Nine. A bunch of my older cousins were going and my aunts didn’t want me left out. Man that whole weekend was a shit show.”

“Did they really take everyone’s food and water?” Hen asked.

“Oh yeah. My aunts and grandparents wired us more money to buy food. My grandparents sent me a separate one because they knew my father wouldn’t and I only brought enough spending money to get some merch since we were planning to just eat what we brought. And the price gouging was insane, too. Between that and the heat, I wasn’t surprised when the riot happened.”

“I thought Woodstock was all about peace and love, but there was a riot?!” Evan gasped.

“There’s a great documentary on Netflix that we can watch tonight,” Tommy promised his partner. “But yeah. There was a huge fire and riot at the end of the Ninety-Nine festival. At first the fire department refused to put the fire out because of how dangerous some of the people were behaving, then everyone had candles and were pissed so the fire just spread. When I saw the destruction the next day, I decided I wanted to be a firefighter.”

“Did you join the riots?” Hen asked him with a raised eyebrow.

“Hell no. Once the Chili Peppers finished their encore and hell really kicked off, I ran and hid. Managed to weasel my way into the production offices and told them I had no interest in getting my bones broken by those people. My cousins all took part though and said it was a ton of fun until the state police broke it up.”

“Did a bunch of women really walk around naked or did they only do that for the cameras?” Chimney asked.

“It was hot as hell, so a bunch of women did take their tops off,” Tommy acknowledged.

“Man, that must have been a sight,” the other man sighed.

“A lot of those women ended up being sexually assaulted and raped because the men there had less than zero respect for them,” Tommy ground out from behind clenched teeth. “And do I really need to remind you that I’m gay? I was a lot more interested when Flea came out to play naked on stage.”

Tommy wasn’t surprised when the conversation turned into stilted small talk after that.

Chapter Eight

If they weren’t already racing the clock to get everything checked off their list before the baby was born, Buck and Tommy may have rescheduled their first couples therapy appointment so that it wasn’t two days after his father’s funeral. But they are racing the clock with a ‘Must Do’ list a mile long, and only ten weeks to do it. And that was only if Buck didn’t go into labor early. So yeah, there was no way that they were postponing their first appointment with Dr. Snart.

“Welcome to our first session,” the therapist stated, staring at the couple sitting stiffly on the couch in front of him. “Sometime within the next couple of sessions, I’ll speak with you both one-on-one. We’ll go over your intake paperwork and expand, based on how our first sessions go. I’ve found that for many of my patients, getting right to work is preferable.”

“We’re on a bit of a deadline, so I’m totally down for getting straight to work,” Buck agreed with Tommy nodding along at his side.

“Alright. One of the questions in your intake paperwork was why you’re seeking out couples therapy. For some of my patients, the answer to that changes slightly once they’re actually sitting in front of me. So, why are you two here today?”

Buck and Tommy looked at each other, trying to decide who would go first. A couple of raised eyebrows and slight nods led to Buck answering first.

“Couples therapy was my request. We dated for six months last year before some miscommunication and bad advice led to a messy breakup. Then, about two weeks ago, we were both on a call together, we’re firefighters, where we needed to be medically cleared after. The exam resulted in us finding out that I’m pregnant. It was a little more than a shock considering that we didn’t even know that I’m a carrier. The doctors estimated that I was about twenty-eight weeks at the time, which matches with me getting pregnant right before we broke up.

“We had some communication issues that, whether we make it as a couple this go around or not, we can’t afford to have if we’re going to raise a baby together.”

“Thus the time constraint,” Dr. Snart noted. “I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that you’ll be a perfect couple after this, and I’m especially not going to encourage you to stop seeing me or any other therapist once you give birth. You might not be able to go as often, but it would still likely be beneficial to continue. I will, however, promise you that by the time your child is born, you’ll have a few new tools to help you two communicate.

“Before we move on to Tommy’s answer about why you’re here, I want to talk about something that Buck said. You mentioned this ‘go around.’ Are you two familiar with what a go around means in aviation terms?”

“I’m a pilot, so yes,” Tommy agreed.

“I’ve done a lot of aviation research since Tommy and I met, so I know what it means too.”

“Excellent. Now, I’m not a pilot, so hopefully I have the meaning right. To recap, so that we’re all on the same page, a go around is an abandoned landing where a pilot climbs at full throttle and literally goes around to try again, often because conditions weren’t right for a safe landing. I find it interesting that you used this phrase, Buck. Especially with Tommy’s background as a pilot. So, some food for thought for the two of you, what condition, or conditions, changed from the last time you two attempted a relationship together?

“I normally assign homework at the end of a session, but Buck’s use of that phrase gave me a good reason to do so now. Which is why, between now and our next session, I want you two to separately come up with a list of all of the things, the conditions, big and small, that have changed in your lives since you broke up.”

“That seems easy enough,” Tommy muttered. Buck just nodded his head in agreement. He would need to add it to his list for the week or he would forget to do it. In the last week, more and more things were slipping his mind.

“Good. Now, Tommy. Why are you here today?”

“I agree with what Evan said about needing to have better communication skills if we’re going to raise our baby together. I’m sure there will be times when we need to prioritize each other or ourselves, either individually or as a couple, but our main priority is our child. They come first.”

“So you’re here to learn how to communicate better, not necessarily for yourselves, but for your child?” Dr. Snart checked.

“Yeah. I mean, we’re adults and we understand that sometimes, relationships simply don’t work out, no matter how much you love someone or how much work you put into the relationship. But we can’t just wish each other well and go our own ways if that happens. We have a child and we’ll always be in each other’s lives. So we have got to learn to communicate in a healthy way.” Buck nodded along to everything that Tommy was saying.

“Okay, so we have an umbrella goal. That is to say, your main, overarching goal for therapy and most of the smaller goals will fit under that main goal, that umbrella. I’m sure some things will come up that have nothing to do with improving your communication skills, and that’s okay too.”

“Tommy, why don’t you tell me about the breakup from your point of view first, then Buck can tell me his.”

And so they took turns walking Dr. Snart through their initial breakup and then the complete and utter mess that was their hookup.

“Listening to the two of you talk, it seems like you both already know where some of your weaknesses are.”

“We do, but I still think that we need help with developing some tools so that we don’t fall into old habits when we’re having important, emotionally charged conversations,” Buck explained.

“Well we can certainly work on that.

“The types of communication issues that the two of you have been having are very common ones. They also commonly go together. Buck, when you know that you want to talk about an important topic or bring something you two haven’t talked about before, try writing it down first. Even if it needs to happen in the middle of a conversation. The important thing is that you’re giving your mind a chance to slow down and organize your thoughts. Tommy, don’t be afraid to ask for clarification. If something Buck said upsets you, that’s always valid, but emotions aren’t facts. Tell him, “I’m taking what you said, or understanding your words, to mean this. Is that what you meant?’”

“I think that’s definitely something we can try,” Buck agreed while Tommy hesitantly nodded along.

“I tend to just react and retreat when I’m too upset,” Tommy reminded both Buck and Dr. Snart of his reaction both times to what Buck had said in their fights.

“At this stage, the important thing is a willingness to try and then actually following through on that.

“Now, we have a little time left. Is there anything else either of you want to discuss now or something you would like to be prepared to discuss next week?” Dr. Snart questioned them as he jotted away in his notebook.

“Our parents,” Buck blurted out.

“In what context?”

“I told Tommy about how my parents were distant with me as a child because I was a failed savior sibling. It’s one of the reasons I latched on to my adoptive father as an adult,” Buck explained to the therapist, Tommy already familiar with that particular part of his life story. “But there’s still some things I never got a chance to tell him. Things that he needs to know since it could definitely impact how we raise our baby. And I really don’t know much about Tommy’s parents. He doesn’t really talk about them. I don’t even know if his parents are alive.”

“I didn’t know it bugged you that much,” Tommy muttered. “You never asked me about them.”

“I mean, I was curious, but it wasn’t really my business, so I didn’t push. I figured you would share with me when you were ready to.”

Tommy turned slightly on the couch that they were both sharing. “But it’s your business now?” The older man asked sarcastically, one of his eyeborows raised in his signature way that a lot of people they knew classified as Tommy’s bitchface.

Buck shrank back on his part of the couch. He has never been so fan of people using that particular tone of voice with him. “We’re having a baby together,” he whispered. “I think we need to talk about how our parents raised us and what kind of people they were or are. Because I don’t see a world in which that doesn’t somehow affect how we parent.”

“You reacted strongly to Tammy’s question, Buck. What about it upset you?” Dr. Snart asked.

“The tone of his voice. I’m used to people only using that tone on me when they’re essentially calling me dumb. They don’t use that word, but everything’s said in a way that implies ‘it’s obvious to everyone but you?’ or ‘don’t worry, no one actually expected you to understand.’”

Tommy exhaled, a long purposeful release of air that matched the way his shoulders and back untensed. “I’m sorry, that’s not how I meant that at all. Talking about my parents just makes me defensive and in the past I’ve found blunt, rude sarcasm typically gets people to back off.”

“It’s good that you recognize that about yourself, but less so that your partner merely explaining why he never pushed you on the topic of your parents elicited such a reaction.”

“I’ll work on that,” Tommy muttered.

“Would you two consider that another area or communication you need to work on?” Dr. Snart asked them as he jotted down more and more notes.

“What do you mean?” Buck asked. At some point he’d ripped a loose thread from something and started twirling it around his fingers. Buck only noticed it now because Tommy had gently reached over and stopped him.

“Tommy’s comment upset you Buck, specifically the tone of voice he used. But instead of telling him that, you ignored it and simply answered his question. And Tommy, instead of letting Buck know that you have trouble talking about your parents, you used sarcasm to try and deflect him.”

The couple sat in silence, processing their therapist’s words. It was Tommy who found the courage to break the silence. “I think it might be a good idea to add that to the list. I didn’t notice how my words made Evan feel because of how emotional I was. And I know that Evan will back off of a topic if I ask him to, but I need to actually do that.”

“We can work on that,” Dr. Snart agreed, not even bothering to look up from his notebook. “For now, we’ve reached the end of our session. We’ll meet again next week and we’ll talk about your lists.”

_______

“I’m sorry about Eddie,” Evan muttered as Tommy handed him a bowl of ice cream topped with soy sauce. It was almost like now that Evan knew he was pregnant, his mind was finally acknowledging his symptoms. Like the intense craving for neapolitan ice cream with soy sauce and marshmallows. Tommy found it endlessly endearing (and a little disgusting).

“Diaz’s behavior is not your responsibility, Evan.”

“Logically I know that. But there’s still a part of me that feels like it’s my fault that he’s being like this. I don’t know. Maybe he’s just called me selfish one too many times when he’s in a mood and I internalized it,” he sighed.

Tommy took a seat on the other side of the couch, carefully moving Evan’s feet onto his lap so that he could rub the swollen appendages. “How’s your head feeling?”

“Okay, a little headache, but I’m not worried about it right now.”

“When’s your next appointment with Dr. Emerson?”

Evan sighed before sticking another spoonful of his unique sundae in his mouth. “It’s on Friday, which we already talked about before this.”

“I’m just worried, I keep getting this terrible feeling that something else is going to happen and I don’t know what to do with it,” Tommy explained to his partner. “It’s not even about the baby, just a general feeling.”

“Maybe you’re channeling that feeling into worrying about the baby because I’m high risk,” Evan mused. “But I promise you that if I start to suddenly feel horrible or if I think something is wrong, I’ll call Dr. Emerson and then let you know.”

“Thank you. And if you could try to stop worrying about how Diaz is acting, that would be great too. I’m an adult, I can handle him ignoring me and sniping at me.”

“It’s my fucking house. I should be able to have whoever I want there and not feel like I’m the one intruding or behaving like a bad guest,” Buck muttered to his ice cream.

“I don’t think there’s a boundary that Diaz wouldn’t cross if it was one that you had,” Tommy tried to comfort him. He put down the leg he had been working on and switched to the other one. “Let’s just say that I’m definitely looking at Diaz in a different way than I was when we broke up last year.”

“I want to say that you’re wrong because there have been times when Eddic has been an amazing friend in the years that I’ve known him.

“But ever since the Kim thing last year and Christopher moving to Texas, our relationship has been slowly getting worse. And it’s been making me notice some patterns that I really, really don’t like. Especially the pattern of how Eddie treats me when his mental health is declining.”

“I wish I could, I don’t know, not fix your friendship but somehow make all of this better for you,” Tommy sighed.

“You already are, Tommy,” Buck gently informed him. “Just being here for me, validating my feelings instead of dismissing them or telling me I’m confused about what I’m actually feeling has been incredibly helpful.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. And if you could keep massaging my leg while I try to call Connor and Kameron again? That would be great.”

“It would be my honor, sweetheart.”

Buck gave the older man a small smile as he leaned over to grab his phone. Considering the only calls Buck had been getting or making lately had been Dr. Emerson’s office, Tommy, Jake, Miriam, and a single call to Connor, it only took a second to pull up Connor’s number in his recent call log. It took just as long gor Buck to realize that something was wrong. “I think he blocked me.”

“What? Why do you think he blocked you?”

“Because the call didn’t ring at all or go to voicemail. I just got a message that the person that I’m trying to reach is unavailable. Not like the number isn’t assigned to anyone or disconnected, just unavailable,” Buck explained without even bothering to look up from his phone. So far he’d only tried to contact Connor directly, and only a handful of times in the last couple of weeks. But maybe he’d have a better shot if he tried calling Kameron instead?

Unfortunately for Buck, his luck had epically sucked lately. “Kameron’s phone is doing the same thing.”

“OK. You’ve tried to do the right thing and reach out to them to tell them yourself, but obviously they don’t want to deal with the situation. I vote we give their contact information to Mr. Grady and just let him deal with it. He’ll probably need to talk to them anyway as part of the lawsuit. Let’s just let him take it out of our hands,” Tommy suggested.

“Part of me thinks I should’ve just done that from the beginning, y’know? Just let our lawyer handle the whole thing,” Buck groaned.

Tommy stopped his massage and instead tapped Buck’s thigh to get his atention. He waited until the younger man was looking him in the eye to start talking. “I’m going to say something that’s probably really rude and maybe a little insensitive considering I’ve never actually met these people,” Tommy prefaced whatever it was that he felt the need to say, “but I’m going to say it anyway. You trying to contact them and tell them made you the bigger person. Because from everything you’ve told me about these people, I don’t think that they would do the same for you. I think that if they had been in your shoes, finding out their son wasn’t biologically yours and seeking to sue the fertility clinic, they would’ve kept it to themselves and let you find out from the lawsuit. They wouldn’t have cared that your sperm might have gone to someone else without your consent. They would probably have dismissed anything that affected you because it ultimately had nothing to do with them.”

“You weren’t wrong about that being a litte mean,” Buck sniffed. If just one thing could have gone right for him today, then Buck wouldn’t be crying over his partner’s opinions of Conner and Kameron Riley. “You don’t know them, Tommy.”

“You’re right, I don’t know them. And honestly? I don’t want to. When you were telling me about them, I thought they sounded manipuliative and selfish as all hell. They ambushed you about donating for them not once, not twice, but three separate times. You said Connor told you that they wanted someone kind so they knew that any child that they had would be kind? Sounds like he doesn’t think he’ll be doing much parenting, or that he’ll be a good parent, if he thinks kindness genetics will be more powerful than how he actually raises his child. Then they kept updating you about the pregnancy, sending you ultrasounds, telling you that it was a boy. And finally his birth. It was completely inappropriate for Kameron to turn to you when she and Connor started fighting. They also shouldn’t have made you be the middleman in their marital dispute. Especially when that dispute was centered around a child they thought was biologically yours. Then they ghosted you after he was born and they didn’t have a use for you anymore.”

“It was your idea to tell them as soon as I found out I couldn’t be their son’s biological father.”

“Yes, and I still think you did the right thing by trying yourself. They needed to know ASAP. But that doesn’t change that I don’t think they’re good people or that they deserve to be the source of this much stress for you.”

“I want to argue with you about all of that but I can’t. I thought Connor had changed and grown up from when we were roommates but he really didn’t. Not in the way that matters.”

“I’m sorry, baby,” Tommy murmured into his hair after Buck had maneuvered himself so he was now leaning back against Tommy instead of facing him with his legs in the older man’s lap.

“Not your fault. I just wish I didn’t rush to only see the good in people as much as I do,” Buck sighed.

“You wouldn’t be you, the man I fell in love with, if you didn’t.”

A content silence fell over the couple as Buck reached for Tommy’s hand that wasn’t resting low on his stomach so that he could play with Tommy’s fingers It was something that soothed them both and Buck thought that they were going to need it in order to get through the next conversation he wanted them to have.

“Are you all talked out when it comes to serious topics or do you think that you could handle one more?” Buck cheeked in with his partner.

“That sounds ominous,” Tommy tried to joke.

“Tommy, I’m being serious. If you don’t think you could handle it after the day that we’ve had, I would understand that. But I do think that there are some things that we need to talk about.”

Buck felt Tommy tense up behind him before he felt all of his muscles slowly going soft again. When Tommy replied, his voice was full of naked honesty instead of sarcasm. “I think that it would depend on the topic.”

“You’ve mentioned your dad in passing before, but Pops’ funeral was the first time I can really remember you mentioning your mother. Will you tell me about her?”

“What do you want to know?”

“Maybe you could start with her name?”

“Lynn,” Tommy whispered. “My mothers name was Lynn Anna Kinard née Campbell. She died when I was seven. She’d been sick for a long time.”

“I’m so sorry, Tommy. Was it cancer?”

“No,” Tommy nearly growled. Buck flinched at the sound and Tommy pressed a kiss into his hair. “I’m sorry I’m not upset at you, talking about it all just makes me angry.

“It might have been kinder if my mother had died of cancer, but she didn’t. Once I was old enough, my aunts, her older sisters, told me the truth because my father was such an ass and could never talk about my mother without being a jerk and blaming her for everything or calling her a slut.

“My mother married my father when she was very young. She came from a big, hard working family. They weren’t necessarily poor, but money was scarce and they were still considered lower class in the seventies and eighties. Marrying young was pretty common, so no one in her family was surprised, but they all hated my father. My mother was stubborn though, and refused to listen to her family’s concerns. She saw a hardworking man who loved her, from a family who was much more middle class than hers, exactly what my father wanted her to see. Then I was born and she thought it was too late to leave him, even though she’d finally learned who he really was. An addict who spent every spare penny on alcohol and drugs. With a dysfunctional family that hated my mother for being ‘low class’ and would never help my parents out. My paternal grandparents did love me at least.”

“Did your father hurt her? Physically, I mean.”

“Probably, my aunts certainly thought he did. But that’s not why she died. She died because of my father’s addiction. He was mostly a raging alcoholic who also indulged in some weed, and so were most of his friends. But some of his so-called ‘friends’ were also addicted to much harder drugs. One night, I think I was maybe three? He threw a party with all of his ‘buddies.’ My mom kept me upstairs with her, away from all of the chaos, but I was hungry so she went to grab me a snack from the kitchen. When she went into the kitchen, one of the guests thought it would be funny to stab her with a dirty needle. A few months later she got diagnosed with HIV. A lot of the meds were still experimental and we couldn’t really afford them, so eventually it progressed to full blown AIDS and my mother died.”

“Oh God, Tommy. No wonder you never like to talk about your parents. I’m sorry I brought them up.”

“You were right though, about us needing to talk about them now that we’re going to be parents. Because how I grew up has definitely affected my life and will continue to affect it and how I parent. I mean, it’s one of the reasons that it took me so long to come out.”

“Because of the stigma of AlDS in the queer community?”

“I can so clearly remember my father saying that Mom must have gotten sick because she cheated on him with one of those ‘disgusting fags.’ It took me a really long time to unlearn all of the prejudices and fears that my father’s words taught me.”

“That’s what I meant when I said that I admired you. Not that I thought you were some paragon of gay virtue, but that you recognized the work that you needed to do in order to be happy, and then you just did the work.”

“It wasn’t easy,” Tommy whispered.

“Mmm, I think that just makes it more worth it,” Buck mused before they fell into silence again. Buck loved that there was never a need to fill the silence between them, only ever a want.

Suddenly, Buck had an idea and decided to look something up on his phone to see if it would even be feasible. It was.

“Did you know that Lynn is considered a gender neutral name?”

Tommy was well used to Buck dropping random facts that were somehow related to what they were talking about, so he only gave a sad little chuckle before saying, “No, I didn’t.”

“Robert Lynn Kinard. Barbara Lynn Kinard. What do you think?”

“Could be a little heavy for such a small baby to carry,” Tommy sniffled.

“Maybe. But it’s also a piece of their grandparents that our baby can carry forever.”

“Robert Lynn Kinard and Barbara Lynn Kinard,” Tommy whispered back to his partner.

Chapter Nine

“I just don’t understand what you’re even doing here if you aren’t cleared to work,” Chimney huffed from his end of the island in the middle of the station’s kitchen. He was stuffing his mouth with some kind of takeout that was making Buck wrinkle his nose. By now, Buck was completely convinced that his pregnancy symptoms were actually getting worse the farther along in his pregnancy he got. Sure, some of his symptoms had probably been there the whole time and he was only paying attention to them now that he knew he was pregnant, but the intensity of them had definitely changed in the three weeks since he had found out about the baby. Now, between the smell of his brother-in-law’s choice in lunch and the way he was talking with his mouth full, Buck wanted to throw up. If someone told him that he looked ‘green around the gills,’ he wouldn’t be at all surprised.

“I’m cleared to work, I’m just only cleared for light duty,” Buck explained for what felt like the millionth time as he finished putting his sandwich together. He’d offered to make meal prep one of his consistent chores since he could only go out on select calls, but he’d either been ignored or turned down. Between that response and the fridge full of take out containers, he’d gotten the message that no one in the One-Eighteen wanted him cooking.

”Back in my day there was none of this light duty crap. You were either cleared to work or you weren’t,” Gerard chimed in. Buck watched out of the corner of his eye as he put his own takeout leftovers in the fridge. Whatever. If they all wanted to spend so much of their personal money and the station’s food budget on takeout and delivery, that was their business. Buck would just keep making sure to pack leftovers and enough ingredients to cook his own meals. At least it made it easier to cater to his cravings.

“Well maybe that’s why so many of the guys from your generation ended up on disability or self-medicating their pain with alcohol and drugs,” Buck muttered under his breath.

“Watch your tone, Buckley,” the interim captain warned him. “Especially if you want your leave request approved.”

“HR is already aware of my leave and they’ve approved it,” Buck corrected Gerard. “The paperwork I gave you was simply a notice of that approval, not a request.”

Hen decided that was the moment she should join them and add yet another box to the fridge. “You could have just ordered a sandwich with the rest of us, Buck.”

“Maybe, but I’m trying to save money right now and not order a lot of fast food. Plus, this way my sandwich isn’t soggy and all of the ingredients are fresh,” Buck explained to his friend. Everything that Buck said was technically true. It was just also accompanied by the fact that Bobby’s opinions on takeout at work were heavily ingrained into him at this point.

“If you can’t afford to get takeout then maybe you shouldn’t be going out on leave,” Chimney snarked.

“I am not mentally in a place where it is safe for me to be out in the field,” Buck ground out, painfully aware of the audience they now had. Everyone had pretty much been ignoring him except to send him pitying looks or brush him off when he checked in on them. But now that there was a chance that he and Chimney were going to fight, he had everyone’s attention. God, Tommy and Dr. Emerson are right about putting himself first right now. These people don’t deserve his energy if they’re just going to ice him out. “The department got that and since I need to use up a bunch of my PTO, they’re letting me go on personal leave before my medical leave in a couple of months. And I can afford takeout, but not at the amounts I need to keep what I’ve got going on and not at the rates you guys are getting it. You don’t want me cooking because it makes you all think of Bobby,” cue the station wide flinch and half of the people eavesdropping on their conversation looking toward Hen and Chimney to see what their reactions would be, “fine. I’ll respect that. But I’m still going to bring my own food and cook for myself since it’s better for me and take out is just an unnecessary expense right now.”

“We’re all having a hard time with Bobby’s loss right now,” Chinney snapped. “It doesn’t mean you get to just check out and abandon us.”

Hen, as had become even more expected since the Han and Wilson families had become so enmeshed, completely ignored what Chimney said and changed the subject. “What do you mean you have to go on medical leave in a couple months? What happened?”

“During the Army’s lovely, invasive medical exam, they noted a possible issue in my abdomen. I followed up with a specialist and they want to do a procedure to fix something with my abdominal muscles in a couple months. They don’t have an exact date yet, but they’ll let me know once they narrow it down. Until then, I’m on light duty and I’ve decided to use up some of my personal time instead.”

“You want to take that much time, then that’s your choice. But the department is under no obligation to hold your spot here, Buckley,” Gerard warned him.

“I understand that and it’s something I’ve already talked to HR about. I was looking at transferring before all of this started, so not being able to return to the One-Eighteen after my leave won’t be a problem,” Buck responded, drawing gasps from everyone around him. Apparently the shock that Buck would want to leave the station after everything they all went through with his lawsuit was too much to contain. “I’m currently looking at being out for five to six months, so I’ve got time to figure everything out.”

“What do you mean that you were already thinking about transferring?” Hen asked.

“I mean that Bobby and I had a meeting about where I wanted my career to go in the department. We decided that my best option would be to transfer since I want to be a captain and Bobby was already training Hen. Now I’m ineligible for promotion for two years, but still want to start studying so I can begin the process as soon as possible.”

“Where do you think you can even go after the lawsuit and all of the risky choices you’ve made on calls?” Chimney questioned him. Buck hated the sarcastic tone Chim took and the ‘concerned’ look on his face.

Buck rolled his eyes and debated if he should even dignify that with an answer. Ultimately, Buck decided to just get it over with in case Hen or Chim tried to use their connections in the department to find out about Buck’s transfer. “I’ve got options and I’ve already started meeting with some captains.”

It had been Captain Rollins who had arranged for Buck to meet with Captain Jeshan Mehta of the One-Thirty-Three. Buck already trusted the captain, so after talking it over with Tommy, he decided to heed Captain Rollins’ advice and disclose his pregnancy to Mehta.

“That’s a lot of change happening to you all at once,” Captain Mehta mused. “Are you sure that you want to make a decision about where you want to transfer now?”

“Do you think that I should try to stick it out with the One-Eighteen?”

“I think that you should do whatever is best for you and your family. I’d be honored to have you on my crew and help prepare you for the next steps in your career. Maybe that’s what’s best for you, maybe it’s the One-Eighteen, maybe it’s a different house, or maybe it’s something completely different within the department.”

Buck winced at the suggestion of doing other than active duty after his paternity leave was over. “I’ve tried working in HQ in the fire marshal’s office. Let’s just say that I learned pretty quickly that a desk job wasn’t for me.”

“Not all ‘light duty’ jobs are considered desk duty. Some of them can be very active, such as instructing at the academy. It’s what I did when my oldest was first born. I realized pretty quickly that my priorities were different now that I had become a father. Coming home to my family was more important than ever. On shift, I was distracted thinking about my new daughter, sleep deprived, and just generally didn’t have my head in the game. I had a close call and realized that I didn’t want to be there anymore, which made it even more dangerous for me and my teammates. I wanted steadier hours and to know that I would be making it home every night,” Captain Mehta explained. “I ended up teaching at the academy for a year before I decided that I was ready to go back to active duty.”

“And you think that’ll happen to me?”

“I think that you’ll have your baby and that naturally changes things. Until you know how those changes will manifest, you should wait to decide where you’ll go when you’re ready to return to work.”

“I want to be a captain,” Buck reminded Mehta. “I know that I have years before that will be possible, but I still want to start taking what steps and classes I can to make that happen.”

“You can certainly do that while working at a station, but you can also do all of that while working at the academy. I started my journey to captain while I was still working at the academy. You can absolutely be promoted while working there, even work your way up to running the academy one day. I think it’s certainly an option for you if you I want it to be.”

“I’ll have to think about it.”

Chimney didn’t need to know the details of Buck’s inevitable transfer. But there was one thing that Buck wanted to make clear to his brother-in-law. “Not everyone in this department shares your view that I’m barely smarter than a probie and only good for muscle,” he said before turning around and taking his sandwich down to the locker room.

_______

With the exception of everyone at the station trying to dissuade Buck from transferring, they all continued to treat him how they had been treating him for months. Brushing him off and ignoring him. Even their attempts to stop him from going on leave and transferring only lasted as long as their down time until the next alarm.

There was a part of Buck that wanted to reach out, to check on the people he considered family and help them all navigate their grief. There was another part of him, one that sounded like Dr. Emerson and Tommy reminded him that he needed to put himself first and keep his stress down. That part of him ultimately won out and he decided that the best course of action was to match energy. If the One-Eighteen and company were going to be hands off and leave Buck out of their grieving, then he was going to do the same. Especially following the news he’d gotten that morning.

“Do you have a copy of the paperwork you signed when you agreed to donate to the Rileys?” the lawyer in front of him and Tommy asked. A partner in the same firm as Mr. Grady, Eliza Hawthorne had been recommended to them by their lawyer when Buck had called in a panic about being served with an emergency restraining order from Connor and Kameron. It wasn’t a move that Buck had expected from the couple and it had shocked him. What had sent him into a panic was the hearing that was already scheduled for the next day. Luckily for him, Ms. Hawthorne got straight to work.

“I do. I know we gave Mr. Grady a copy, but we also brought a copy for you. We also brought my phone records for the last four weeks, printouts of my text message threads with Connor and Kameron, and recordings from my attempts to call them,” Buck explained as he handed several folders over to the lawyer.

“Is there anything in there that explicitly orders you not to contact the Rileys following the birth of their son?” she checked.

“No,” Buck denied. “I’ve gone over it a couple times in the last few weeks, but there’s nothing in there about not contacting them. And honestly, they’ve always reached out to me first. Hell, Kameron came to me when they were fighting before the birth and made herself at home in my apartment.”

“Can anyone back that up?”

“My ex-girlfriend, Natalia, was there when Kameron showed up and when I delivered the baby, but I haven’t talked to her since we broke up.”

“Do you still have her contact information?” Ms. Hawthorne cut him off.

“Yeah, I do. Her full name is Natalia Dollenmeyer. And my coworkers were there when they showed up at the fire station that I work at to demand why I hadn’t donated yet. One of my coworkers is a landlord. He offered to help find Kameron a new place to get her out of my open plan loft,” Buck explained, handing his phone over to Ms. Hawthorne, Natalia’s contact profile already pulled up.

“I’ll take the information, but I don’t think we’ll have enough time to get statements from all of them. I’m going to focus on Ms. Dollenmeyer. Her testimony about Mrs. Riley seeking you out will be the most powerful.”

“The hearing is at ten tomorrow. Is that enough time for you to prepare?” Tommy asked, speaking up for the first time since they’d introduced themselves.

“Your case is a pretty clear plan of attack from our side. The Rileys are claiming that you have been harassing them endlessly, to the point that you’re a potential danger to them and their son. Our job is to prove that didn’t happen. You’ve provided evidence of all of your attempts to contact the Rileys. No sane person would consider four attempts in three weeks to be harassment, especially when you take into account the length and content of the texts and single voicemail.

“Now, the prosecution are either idiots, or they have an ulterior motive for getting this restraining order, knowing that you would all need to go in front of a judge eventually.”

“Why do you say that?” Tommy asked her.

“First, the fact that the Rileys were even granted the emergency order at all means that a lawyer told them they had a case and helped them file for it. The problem is that they don’t have a case. Not based on the evidence you’ve provided me. Which means one of two things. Either they fabricated evidence, which would be incredibly dangerous to do because the Rileys and their attorney could face charges for that. Or the Rileys told a lie that paints you as an extreme danger and the lawyer believed them, and found a sympathetic judge to issue the emergency order.

“So either their lawyer helped them with their fabricated evidence, or made no attempt to verify their claim and simply believed them and acted. That would be an extremely dumb move, because now that is an official case that will go on their record and it’s a sure loss. No lawyer likes those and a smart one warns a client that they won’t win and doesn’t get involved.”

“What about the time? I got this notice about the restraining order and the hearing this morning, but the hearing is tomorrow,” Buck pointed out.

“That’s another thing that makes me think that the prosecution is either very stupid or they’re trying to manipulate the case for some reason. This order is a civil order, approved six days ago. It includes a date and time for your hearing, which is where the judge will hear both sides and make the order permanent or dismiss it. There’s also another date and time on here. Ten AM today. This is the deadline to serve the order to you. They would prove this by filling out a form that states they delivered the notice to you and then filing it with the court,” Ms. Hawthorne.

“I got the papers after eleven AM. I remember because my alarm went off at eleven-fifteen AM. I actually caught the girl who delivered them trying to put them in my mailbox. I tried to ask her who they were for and she just said that I had been served before she walked away,” Buck explained to the lawyer.

“Did she ask you to confirm your name at all?”

“No. She just tried to put them in the mailbox and then handed them to me instead when I caught her doing it.”

“The Rileys’ lawyer probably contracted a private service to serve you the papers because they need to be done by an uninvolved party. Either that company is extremely incompetent and forgot to deliver them until the deadline or couldn’t figure out where you lived, a matter of public record. Or, and this is the scenario that I’m leaning toward, they purposely waited until the last second to serve you so you wouldn’t have time to prepare. In that scenario, my concern is that they’ll forge the receipt paperwork to make it look like it was successfully delivered on time when it wasn’t.”

“I have cameras on my property and signage stating that. The camera on my front door area has sound and the video displays the date and time. Will that work?” Buck checked.

“Yes. I need you to send me that footage ASAP,” Ms. Hawthorne ordered.

“I still don’t understand what they were trying to accomplish by giving you such short notice of the hearing,” Tommy commented. “If their motive was to give you no time to prepare, then how do they keep you from asking for a continuance based on just that?”

“So, if all of this was on purpose, then the prosecution is hoping to accomplish at least one of two things. One, shock you with the lack of notice and hope you don’t know that you can ask for a continuance, which is a temporary delay, typically given when one party doesn’t have time to get proper representation or to prepare. If they did forge the notice that you were served, then it’s probably a safeguard so that they can use it to argue against a continuance, prove that you had time to find representation and prepare. The second thing they want to accomplish is you defying the restraining order and trying to make contact.”

“My last attempt to call them was three days ago. That’s when we discovered that the Rileys had blocked me and decided to have Mr. Grady reach out to them instead.” Buck was starting to get worried that Ms. Hawthorne was wrong about how cut and dry this hearing would be.

“We’ll provide the video from your security camera. You can’t be expected to follow an order that you didn’t know existed,” Ms. Hawthorne reassured him. “They’ll try to claim that not receiving a response should’ve been a clear notice that contact was unwelcome, but we’ll counter that every attempt emphasized that you had urgent medical information about their son. We’re not trying to make them look like bad parents,” she clarified at their increasing concern. “We’re just going to argue that any reasonable, responsible person would make every attempt to make sure the Rileys had that information.”

“This seems like a lot of back and forth,” Tommy muttered, looking down at the notes he’d been taking. Buck was so grateful to his partner for taking charge. He was just too stressed to be able to focus at the moment.

“It is,” Ms. Hauthorne agreed. “Which brings me to our strategy for tomorrow. The prosecution didn’t do a very good job of vetting the judge if they’re not planning to ask for a continuance themselves. Judge Pfeiffer does not like cases like ours. Cases where it’s clear that the prosecution either jumped the gun, or fabricated evidence, or both. This back and forth shows exactly that. The burden is on us to prove that the Rileys don’t need a restraining order against you. And as long as you haven’t lied to me, then we’ve met that burden. I firmly believe the order will be dismissed with prejudice which means it will be a hell of a lot harder for the Rileys to get another order and it’s as close as you can get to the order never being issued in the first place.”

“Okay, let’s make a list of what you need from us and we’ll make sure you have it as soon as we get home,” Tommy promised.

“Good. Now, before we make that list, I just have one more question, one the judge will probably ask too, so be prepared to answer it in court and on the record. What’s the new medical information that affects the Rileys’ son?”

_______

Somehow, this day just kept getting worse and worse. When Buck looked back on his life, he would definitely put this goddamned day in the top five worst days of his life.

“Tommy,” Buck gasped into his phone once he was safe in his bedroom with the door to closed and locked.

“Evan! Are you okay? Did Diaz hurt you?”

“He backed me up into a corner against some cabinets. Shoved me a little when he pinned me against them and stuck his finger in my face, but he didn’t hit me. Eddie sure as hell scared me, though,” Buck tried to reassure his partner through his shaking voice.

“Not hitting you is the bare minimum, Evan,” Tommy huffed. Buck heard static through the phone connection and knew Tommy had exhaled in that way he only did when he was trying to calm down. In his mind, he pictured Tummy just exhaling through his nose and a visible cloud of smoke just billowing out like a cartoon character. Buck didn’t know why the thought popped into his head, just that it did and it helped to calm him down.

“I’m okay,” Buck soothed. “Just a little shaken up.”

“After what I just heard, I’m not surprised that you’re shaken up. What the hell was Diaz thinking, taking his emotions out on you like that?”

“He thought that I would just take it like I always do. Everyone tends to think of me as just this happy-go-lucky guy who doesn’t fight back. He also knows that I’ll forgive him because of his history of mental health issues and everything he’s dealing with lately triggering them,” Buck explained. Something felt off.

“He needs help, baby. And I’m pretty sure that the kind of help that Diaz needs is far beyond what you can handle,” Tommy stated what Buck had been thinking.

“I know. God, I wish that I’d just gone straight to your place instead of coming back here. I should’ve just let Eddie buy his own damn groceries. I’m spending most of my time with you, so he would’ve been the only one to suffer if he forgot,” Buck hissed.

“What’s going on, Evan?”

Buck moved to sit on the edge of the bed and instead he ended up basically collapsing onto it. “I- I don’t know. Something just felt off and then I got this cramp that kinda rippled out from my back.”

“Do you think it could’ve been a contraction?” Buck could hear the blatant worry in Tommy’s voice and he felt terrible that he put it there.

“I don’t know!” he repeated with a whimper. “Oh God, I can’t be in labor. It’s too early. I’m only thirty-two weeks. I-if I’m even that far along because it’s our best guess. We broke up thirty weeks ago, so who even knows how far along I am! Two weeks is a-a big difference in a tiny baby, Tommy!”

“Evan, sweetheart, take a deep breath,” Tommy instructed him. “I want you to just try to focus on my voice.”

“I-I can’t!” Buck gasped. “I can’t- Tommy- I-”

“Evan, stop!” Tommy barked. The sharpness in Tommy’s voice was a shock to Buck’s system. It broke through his panic and reset his focus like he had been dipped into a tub of ice water. Tommy, able to hear the change in Buck’s breathing, continued on in a much calmer voice. “Are you sitting down?” He checked.

“Yes, on my bed.”

“Okay, I want you to stay there. Just stay on the bed and try to focus on your breathing. If you have another contraction, or you just think that you’ve had one, I want you to time it, okay? Can you do that for me?”

“I-I can do that. Just sit and time my contractions.”

“Good,” Tommy praised him. “Good job, Evan.

“Now, I know that the idea of going into labor now is scary, but it’s going to be okay. Thirty-two weeks is early, but not worryingly so. Those were Dr. Emerson’s exact words at your appointment the other day. And she is extremely confident about you being thirty-two weeks.”

“Wh-what are we going to do, Tommy?” Buck whimpered.

“For now, you’re going to stay on the phone with me until I get there. Just breathe and time any possible contractions. When I get there-”

“I locked my bedroom door.”

“That’s okay, sweetheart. Just leave it locked for now, especially if it’s making you feel safe. We can deal with it when I get there. I’m only twenty minutes away.”

“W-what else?” Buck asked. His eyes flitted around his bedroom, trying to catalogue where everything was, where he could hide. Or maybe not. The closet was kinda small and he was kinda big. There were a couple of things that he could possibly use as a weapon if Eddie tried to break down the door or-

“Evan!” Tommy called.

“I n-need you to- to distract me,” Buck begged his partner. “‘Cause i-if you don’t, I’m just gonna keep thinking about Eddie trying to- to break in so he c-can punch me, even though logically I- I know that he wouldn’t do that.”

“The man shoved you against a wall and got in your face, Evan. You’re also very, very pregnant right now. Logic kinda goes out the window when your hormones and protective papa bear instincts kick in.”

Buck could hear horns blaring on Tommy’s end of the call and hoped he wasn’t about to be stuck in traffic. Luckily, he had been blessed with a partner who could read his mind. “Everything’s okay, Ev. There’s no traffic on my side of the freeway. The horns are for the other direction. And we don’t need to go that way to get to the hospital.”

“I don’t have a hospital bag!” Buck gasped, shooting up off of the bed and over to his dresser.

“Sit back down, Evan. I will pack us a bag when I get there. Your only job is to sit, breathe, and time your contractions.”

“We don’t have any baby stuff yet, Tommy! We don’t have a-a crib or clothes! We don’t have diapers. Or a car seat! How are we supposed to bring the baby home without a car seat?!”

“Evan, I am only a few more minutes away. Sit, breathe, time. Okay? Sit, breathe, time. If you are in labor, then we have time to get all of that because the baby will probably still be in the hospital for a couple of weeks. If you aren’t in labor, then we’ll still have plenty of time to get everything together.”

“This isn’t how any of this was supposed to happen, Tommy.”

“I know, sweetheart, but it’s the cards we were dealt. And as far as I’m concerned, we’re pretty good at playing those kinds of cards.”

“We’ve never had to deal with preterm labor and a cryptic pregnancy before,” Buck pouted. He felt this weird rolling sensation in his stomach that Dr. Emerson had told him was probably the baby doing a somersault followed by a cramp that moved from his back, through his stomach, before it disappeared almost entirely. “I think I a-another contraction, but it was quick. M-maybe ten seconds?”

“Okay, so maybe ten seconds and what, twenty-five, thirty minutes apart?”

“I-I think so.”

“Okay, so I don’t think we really need to worry yet. And you’re right, we haven’t dealt with this exact situation before. But we’ve handled flying through a hurricane, your sister’s wedding going completely off the rails, a bee-nado, and a curse from a mummified cowboy. So I think we can handle something as common as preterm labor,” Tommy snarked at him.

“I thought you said those were just intermittent showers?”

“They were, but that doesn’t sound as cool as saying we flew through a hurricane.

“I’m in your driveway now. I don’t think Diaz is here right now. Can you try to unlock your door for me?”

“I can do that,” Buck agreed as he stood up from his bed again, much calmed now that he knew Tommy was there and Eddie was gone. “God, I hope this isn’t labor.”

_______

“Well, Buck, according to these readings, you’re definitely in labor,” Dr. Emerson told him. He’d called her while Tommy packed their hospital bag, so Dr. Emerson had been waiting for them when they’d arrived at the ED to escort them directly to the Labor and Delivery unit. She was accompanied by a curly haired woman who introduced herself as “Stella, the triage nurse!” with a bright smile. Between the two of them, they quickly had Buck settled in a private room and hooked up to multiple monitors. “The good news is that the baby’s heart rate and movements all look good.”

“So what happens now?” Tommy asked. Somewhere between the car and the room, the tables had turned and now Buck was the calm one and Tommy was the one panicking.

“Now we’re going to start Buck on some medications. Magnesium sulfate to try to slow down his contractions and corticosteroids to give the baby’s lungs a little boost. But we can’t stop this, only slow it down. And unfortunately, Buck isn’t far enough along to consider delivering naturally.”

“So I need a c-section?”

“Yes, sometime in the next forty-eight hours most likely. But the longer we can keep your baby calm and inside of you, the better.”

“Can I have visitors?”

“You can have up to two people with you overnight. Otherwise, I’m afraid that they’ll have to wait for visiting hours,” Dr. Emerson explained before taking her leave.

“Now that we have you on the monitors, I’m just going to start an IV and get some fluids going. Your labor nurse for the shift will be in soon, and she’ll start you on all of the medications that Dr. Em is going to order for you,” Stella explained. She worked quickly to get everything set up, made sure that Buck was comfortable with the IV placement, and then followed Dr. Emerson out the door with a promise to make sure his visitor was sent directly in.

“I swear I can taste and smell the IV every time they flush it,” Buck complained.

“Oh, so you’re one of those people?”

“Yep.”

“Do you want me to call Maddie?” Tommy offered.

“No. Athena, please.”

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