Reading Time: 104 Minutes

Title: Regrowing Roots
Series: Like Stars Aligned
Series Order: 4
Author: Bythia
Fandom: 9-1-1
Genre: Established Relationship, Family, Slash
Relationship(s): Evan “Buck” Buckley/Tommy Kinard
Content Rating: PG-13
Warnings: *No Mandatory Warnings Apply, discussion-domestic violence, canon typical violence
Beta: starlitenite
Word Count: 51,554
Summary: Since settling down in LA, Buck started to lose hope that he would ever hear from his sister again. All the bigger is the relief and joy when Maddie shows up in LA without a warning. Reconnecting is more difficult than he expected, though, and he might not be prepared for the trouble following her.
Artist: penumbria

 

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Chapter 01

Buck laughed into the kiss when Tommy crowded him against the door. “Just let me get the keys.”

“Should’ve gotten them out when I was parking,” Tommy murmured as he trailed kisses along Buck’s jaw. He shoved his hand into Buck’s pocket, groping Buck as much as he was fishing for the keys.

Buck leaned his head back to give Tommy better access to his throat. “The neighbors will complain again!”

“You need new neighbors,” Tommy whispered. He pulled his hand free with the keys and pushed them into Buck’s hand. “Open the door!”

Buck chuckled and didn’t argue about the neighbors. He had only been living in this apartment for a few months, and while it was a huge upgrade to his room share from before, he hadn’t made the best first impression with some of his neighbors. This wasn’t the first time that Buck was so distracted by getting his mouth and hands on Tommy as soon as they had left the car that he hadn’t thought about how to get into his apartment.

Tommy grabbed his hips and turned Buck so he was facing the door. He pressed himself against Buck’s back, rubbing his hard cock against Buck’s ass while pulling Buck’s shirt out of his pants. It was a horrible distraction, but somehow Buck managed to get the key into the lock and open the door.

Tommy pushed Buck into the apartment, and Buck managed just in time to pull the key out of the lock. He laughed as he turned around to capture Tommy’s lips in another kiss, blindly dropping the keys on the sideboard by the door. The door fell shut with a loud bang, and Buck grabbed Tommy’s buckle, impatiently pulling on it while stumbling backwards in the direction of the bedroom.

“Evan!”

The high-pitched and scandalized voice was like a bucket of cold water being emptied over his head. Buck whirled around and grabbed Tommy’s wrist while backing them up in the direction of the front door again.

“What the hell?” Buck yelled.

The hall light was turned on, something neither he nor Tommy had bothered with before. At the other end of the small corridor, in the doorway to the living room, stood his sister with her arms crossed over her chest and glaring at them.

“Maddie?” Buck asked, his voice barely more than a whisper.

He hadn’t seen her since the day he left Hershey nearly seven years ago. He hadn’t heard anything from her in three years. And now she was standing in his apartment as if she belonged there when he hadn’t even taken the time yet to send her another postcard with his new address. Tommy had suggested it when they had been in San Diego a month ago, but Buck had been too discouraged by her continued silence to bother. He had thought, if she ever came looking for him after all, she would know where he worked and could search for him there.

“What the hell are you doing?” Maddie asked.

“Coming home from a date with my boyfriend?” Buck huffed and tried to calm his thundering heart.

For a moment, he had thought another of the women Chimney had catfished while using his name had shown up, had somehow found out where he lived and broken into his home. It had been an ongoing problem because there had been a lot more women than Chimney remembered—more proof of how truly messed up his brain was after his accident—and some of them had taken their time before tracking Buck down to confront him.

“You aren’t gay,” Maddie said with a deep frown.

“It’s called bisexual,” Buck snapped back. “What are you doing here? How are you even here? I haven’t heard from you in three years!”

“That’s hardly my fault with the way you’ve been moving around,” Maddie said, though she didn’t sound as confident as she was clearly trying to portray.

Buck opened his mouth, but Tommy was faster, “Okay, we all need a break.” He grabbed Buck’s elbow and pulled him toward the bedroom. To Maddie, he said, “Please wait in the living room. Evan will be joining you shortly.”

Maddie huffed, and Buck saw her gearing up for an argument. He might not have seen her for seven years, but he still knew how to read her face and body language. Before Maddie could say anything, though, Tommy had pushed Buck into the bedroom and closed the door behind them.

“What the fuck?” Buck asked.

Tommy didn’t let go of his arm, but the grip turned into gently rubbing up and down Buck’s arm. “You’re angry right now, and I understand that, but I don’t want you to say something you won’t be able to take back.”

“What are you talking about?”

Tommy sighed. “You’ve been waiting for a really long time to hear from your sister again.”

“For her to call me, not to ambush me in my own home!” Buck muttered darkly, though deep down he recognized that Tommy was right. “I thought at first she was one of Chimney’s conquests!”

Tommy frowned. “Right. You definitely need to find out how she got in here.”

“And how did she even know about this apartment?” Buck asked.

Tommy nodded slowly. “Both good questions. But not the most important ones. Not if you want to rebuild any kind of relationship with her.”

Buck sat down on his bed with a heavy sigh and rubbed his hands over his face. “Fuck.”

“I’ll leave the two of you alone,” Tommy started.

“What? No!” Buck looked up at him with an affronted frown. “We had plans.”

“I think those plans just got very much derailed for tonight,” Tommy said with a fond grin.

Buck huffed. “You know, the only time I was ever glad that my sister wasn’t home much during my teenage years was when I realized I didn’t have a sibling who’d cockblock me. That realization came right around the time I figured out that Dante and I had done that to his brothers quite a lot—all by accident, of course, because we were too young and didn’t know what was going on.”

Tommy laughed. “Well, I guess it was high time then for her to cockblock you.”

“I don’t want you to leave,” Buck murmured.

Tommy shrugged with a careful smile. “I don’t think your sister will be comfortable if I stay.”

Buck groaned. “Yeah, probably. I still don’t want you to go.”

Tommy chuckled, cupped Buck’s face with both hands, and kissed him. “That’s very sweet. How about I get coffee or tea at that diner around the corner? I’ll wait there until you call or text me. Either to tell me to go home because your sister is sleeping on your couch or to tell me to come back because your sister left to spend the night in her hotel room.”

“Yeah, okay.” Buck sighed deeply. “I’m sorry for this mess.”

“It’s no mess at all,” Tommy promised. “You have been waiting for her to reach out to you again for a long time. This is a chance for you, Evan.”

“I am happy she is here,” Buck admitted. He was also annoyed and confused about Maddie being in his apartment, and frustrated and flustered about his evening with Tommy being cut short, but mostly he was just relieved she was here at all. He hadn’t expected that after all those years; the most he had hoped for was an email or a phone call if he ever got anything at all.

Tommy grinned. “Then go into the living room and tell her that.”

Buck nodded, but he insisted on showing Tommy to the door and saying goodbye with another long kiss that might have outraged any neighbors seeing them. Only then did Buck turn around and walk into the living room, where he found Maddie standing on the other side of the room where she would’ve seen everything going on in the hallway. He couldn’t decipher the look on her face, and it felt like a kick in his chest to be reminded that he didn’t know his sister anymore.

“I’m really glad to see you,” Buck said with a smile that felt a little too forced.

“Could’ve fooled me,” Maddie murmured.

Buck shrugged and grinned, this time feeling more natural. “It’s the first time you cockblocked me. Never happened when I was a teenager. It’s kind of a new and startling experience I didn’t think I’d have at the ripe old age of 26.”

Maddie’s eyes grew wide, and then a shudder ran through her whole body. “That’s not an image I needed of my little brother.”

“From everything I’ve seen from my friends during school and heard from other people over time, it’s kind of a rite of passage for siblings,” Buck said, amused. “Do you want something to drink? Or something to eat? I already had dinner with Tommy, but I can make you something small.”

Maddie lowered her gaze and flicked a glance at the coffee table. Buck followed the gaze and found an open bottle of wine and a half-filled glass. He also noticed two suitcases behind the couch.

“You already got something for yourself,” Buck said, trying to sound cheerful instead of how he really felt. There was still some lingering irritation about finding her so unexpectedly in his home and ruining his plans for the evening, and that irritation only grew seeing how she had made herself at home here. He tried to swallow that feeling down, recalling Tommy’s words about this being the chance he had been waiting for so long. At least she hadn’t opened Tommy’s favorite wine he’d spent weeks tracking down and was saving for a special occasion. “Let’s sit, okay?”

“Since when do you date men?” Maddie asked.

She hesitated for a moment, watching Buck warily as he sat down, and then chose a place as far away from him as possible. In Buck’s memories, Maddie had always been larger than life, like the embodiment of a person who had figured their life out. Now she looked frail and on the verge of breaking apart.

“That’s really your most pressing question after not seeing each other in seven years?” Buck asked softly.

Maddie took a deep breath. “Just doesn’t seem like you.”

Buck decided to ignore that comment and her question altogether. “Where’s Doug?”

Maddie frowned and turned her head to the side. “Back in Hershey. I left him.”

“Good for you,” Buck said, not quite able to keep the relief out of his voice.

She knew his opinion about Doug, of course. Buck had never been quiet about not liking the guy since the day he met him. But Maddie really didn’t look as if she was in the headspace to deal with Buck celebrating that she had finally done what she had been unwilling to do seven years ago when he had nearly convinced her to leave Hershey with him.

“Don’t tell Mom and Dad,” Maddie murmured and leaned forward to snatch the wine glass from the table.

Buck huffed out an incredulous laugh. “Yeah, sure.”

He would tell her later that he hadn’t spoken to their parents for far longer than he hadn’t spoken to her. With his parents, it had been a mutual decision. Maddie had gotten regular postcards because Buck wanted to stay in touch with her; his parents had gotten nothing because he didn’t care about keeping them up to date about where he was. He doubted they’d care anyway, judging by their reactions the few times he had called them out of a misplaced sense of obligation in the first weeks after leaving.

“How long are you planning to stay in LA?” Buck asked.

Maddie shrugged. “A couple of days. I don’t know. I don’t know what to do yet.”

“You could stay here for good,” Buck suggested, because a very selfish part of himself really didn’t want to let her go again, no matter how stifled and strange it felt at the moment, sitting here with her.

Maddie frowned. “That’s not a good idea.”

“Why not?” Buck asked. “I know you have a life back in Hershey, friends, and a job. But your hopefully soon-to-be ex-husband is there, too. And I’m here. You can find a new job here easily.”

Maddie chuckled, sounding strangely sad. “No. That’s a cute but very naive idea, Evan.”

“People call me Buck now.”

Maddie raised her brows. “That guy called you Evan.”

“That guy’s name is Tommy,” Buck said with a huff. “And he’s my boyfriend. He has special privileges.”

Maddie rolled her eyes. “You know, there are things I really don’t want or need to know about your life.”

Buck grinned. “You weren’t around much when I was in high school for me to get a chance to gross you out with my escapades. I feel I have to catch up!”

That did make Maddie laugh, and some of the tension between them finally broke. It felt so strange that Buck really didn’t know how to talk to her. In all the years of hoping she’d reach out to him again, he’d never contemplated for a moment how much she would have changed.

“I’m not really equipped to have a guest stay here, as you might have noticed already,” Buck said with a frown. “The couch is small, so probably horrible to sleep on. I did not consider having anyone stay over when I bought it.”

“It would be great if you’d let me have your bed for a couple of days until I figure out where I want to go next,” Maddie said with a warm smile. “But I agree about the couch. You should probably pick up an air mattress tomorrow.”

“I’m on a 24-hour shift starting tomorrow at 8,” Buck said.

Maddie grinned. “So, you’re still sticking to being a firefighter. This is the longest you’ve ever stayed with one job, isn’t it?”

“I finally found my calling,” Buck said with a bright grin. “And great friends. I can’t wait to introduce you to Karen and Hen. Hen is a paramedic on my shift, and Karen is her wife. And of course, I’ll introduce you properly to Tommy, too!”

“Is he a firefighter, too?” Maddie asked and sounded honestly curious this time.

“Firefighter and pilot,” Buck said proudly. “Though we didn’t meet through the job. He is good friends with Hen and Karen, and that’s how we met. The few times we got air support in the last year, we never met the pilots during the calls, of course.”

“And he is good to you?” Maddie asked with a undercurrent in her voice that set Buck on edge.

Not because it sounded like a criticism of Tommy, though. The worry seemed to come from somewhere else, and Buck couldn’t help but think of Doug.

“He is very good to me,” Buck said softly. “And good for me. We have only been dating for about six months, but I’m already very sure that he is my person. The one I want to spend my whole life with.”

Maddie bit her lip and lowered her gaze. “Oh.”

“I’d be really happy if you considered staying here for good,” Buck said. “There are a lot of hospitals that could use a bad-ass ER nurse. I mean, you are still in the ER, right?”

Maddie nodded slowly.

“And I’d like you to be part of my life,” Buck said. “I’d already be happy if we could go back to you answering my phone calls again. But having the ability to see you whenever I want would really be the most amazing thing.”

“I really only planned to stay for a couple of days,” Maddie said hesitantly.

Buck shrugged and smiled. “Nothing says you can’t change those plans. I have a shift tomorrow and one again after an off day. Then I have four days off.”

“It’s always 24s?”

Buck nodded. “Yeah. It’s a nine-day rhythm. Three 24s with a day’s break in between, then four days off. Took some time to get used to it, but it’s a pretty good schedule, to be honest.”

Maddie pursed her lips. “It’s a more regular schedule than I’m used to. I can think of a couple of people I worked with who would handle that better than the constant change in shift schedules we deal with.”

“You’ll at least stay until the end of my next four days off, right?” Buck asked. “So that we have a chance to spend some quality time together?”

Maddie shrugged, but she gave him a reluctant smile. “That doesn’t sound so bad.”

***

Tommy turned his phone in his hands, the drink he had eventually decided to order untouched on the table in front of him. Sitting alone in a diner had not been how Tommy had expected this night to end. But then, he also hadn’t expected he’d ever get a chance to meet Evan’s sister, and now that first meeting hadn’t exactly been a good one.

Tommy was pretty sure he’d eventually get a text from Evan telling him to go home, but he had promised to wait here, so he would. He hoped Evan could shake off how unsettled he had been earlier and use this chance with his sister to establish some kind of more regular contact with her again. And hopefully find out why there had been three years of radio silence from her.

The way Evan’s sister had paled when her gaze had settled on him wouldn’t leave Tommy alone. He knew fear when he saw it, and there were some things Evan had mentioned here and there when talking about his sister that had stood out to Tommy all along. There had been a niggling suspicion in the back of his mind about Evan’s sister for a while, but most of the time he had shaken those thoughts off, telling himself that he was just looking for any kind of explanation that would make the radio silence not her fault or something she did for Evan’s sake.

Tommy unlocked his phone and opened his text messages with Karen.

Tommy: Do you remember if Evan ever mentioned his sister’s married name?

He had already googled ‘Maddie Buckley’ and ‘Hershey’ and found nothing. Then he had tried any name he could think of that could be shortened to Maddie, which had yielded just as few results.

Tommy: Or the name of his bil?

Karen: What? Why are you asking?

Tommy: We came home to his place, and she was waiting for him.

Before Tommy could decide what else to text, his phone started ringing.

“Buck’s sister is in town?” Karen asked with a high-pitched voice as soon as Tommy picked up.

“And ruined our date night by being inside his apartment,” Tommy said. “Though, to be fair, I’m pretty sure we’ve ruined her night, too. I’ve been reliably informed on multiple occasions that it’s not a great experience to discover your siblings making out with their partners, even though I thankfully never had to experience that myself.”

Karen laughed. “Oh my god, are his neighbors going to complain again?”

“I don’t care if they do,” Tommy murmured. “Neither does Evan.”

“I think Buck mentioned her husband’s name is Dan,” Karen said. “Or maybe Doug? Something like that. But I don’t think he ever mentioned his family name. He is some big-name doctor at a hospital, though. Why do you want to know?”

“I tried to google her,” Tommy admitted.

“Why?”

Tommy sighed. “Evan never liked her husband. From the first time he met him.”

Karen hummed. “I remember him mentioning that, yeah.”

“He has great instincts about people. But he didn’t trust those instincts back then because everyone, including his sister, told him he was just a jealous little kid thinking someone was stealing his sister away. And he was ten or eleven at the time, I can’t remember which, so I think he internalized that reprimand quite a bit.”

Karen sighed deeply. “Okay, go on.”

“The way she looked at me unsettled me,” Tommy said. “I’m a big guy, I know that. Sometimes that means I intimidate people without noticing, and especially without trying. I have seen that look before, Karen. So often when we are called to scenes where everything we see says pretty clearly that the husband is a fucked-up human being and the wife needs help she’s often too afraid to accept.”

“You think Buck’s sister is being abused by her husband based on a single look?” Karen asked skeptically.

“No. There are a lot of little puzzle pieces that just made me very suspicious of her husband,” Tommy said. “The way she looked at me just pulled those pieces into focus in a way I don’t think I can ignore anymore.”

“What pieces?” Karen asked.

Tommy looked around, but the only other customers in the diner were on the other side of the room. “Evan mentioned how annoyed he was about Dan or Doug calling all the time whenever he spent time with his sister before they moved to Boston. It’s been what, fifteen years? And that’s still what sticks out to him the most about the time he got to spend with his sister back then.”

Karen hummed.

“She stopped coming home for any kind of holiday as soon as they moved to Boston,” Tommy continued. “Half the time Evan called her, her boyfriend would pick up and tell him to stop being an annoying little shit and bothering his sister all the time.”

“Big red flag,” Karen agreed.

“When they moved back to Hershey, Evan wasn’t allowed to visit them at their house. In fact, apparently, his parents never went to their house either.”

“Isolating her from her family,” Karen murmured.

“Evan always sent his postcards to the hospital she worked at because he thought his brother-in-law would destroy them without showing them to Maddie if he mailed them to her house. There is a lot that screams isolation if you look at it as a whole and don’t tell yourself it’s all in Evan’s head because he was a jealous little brother who couldn’t deal with the fact he wasn’t the center of his sister’s world anymore.”

“Did Buck say that about himself?” Karen whispered.

“His parents said that about him. And I think Maddie did at one point, too.” Tommy sighed. “Her husband definitely said it repeatedly. And Evan has taken it in as some kind of unshakeable truth and internalized it. And he has repeated it often enough that even I dismissed my worry until the moment I saw Maddie all but flinch back from me.”

“And you think Google will give you any answers?”

Tommy shrugged and drummed his fingers against the table restlessly. “Google will at least give me a picture of the brother-in-law, hopefully. And maybe some information. It will hardly be ‘yes, this guy abuses his wife’, but maybe … something. Anything. I have no idea. Maybe I just hate sitting here unable to do anything, wondering how much she’ll break Evan’s heart before she leaves. Maybe I’m the one seeing things now because I want to have an explanation for the radio silence that Evan will be able to accept as something that wasn’t her fault.”

“Maybe she won’t break his heart at all, and they’ll have regular contact again in the future,” Karen suggested.

“I hope so,” Tommy said. “But at the same time, I don’t think that chance is very high. Did you know he didn’t send her another postcard when he moved into this apartment? He said she could find him at the 118, and that was enough. I think Evan had reached a point where … he couldn’t deal with the silence and rejection anymore.”

“I didn’t know that,” Karen said sadly.

“I asked him if he wanted to send another card when we were in San Diego, and I don’t think he even really wanted to think about it at all.” Tommy sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. “And of course he didn’t send a card.”

“And now she is here, dangling everything he’s hoped for right in front of his face,” Karen said slowly. “But we all know we can’t trust that. So we’re going to be here for him, Tommy. He isn’t alone anymore. A year or so ago, when he sent that the last postcard, he was practically alone. Now he’s not.”

Tommy hummed and stared at his untouched drink.

“If you’re right about her husband and she lets us, we’ll support her, too,” Karen continued. “For herself, of course. But also for Buck. If she’s here to cause trouble instead, we’ll make sure Buck has all the support he needs and that she knows it, too.”

Tommy sighed. “Sounds like the best plan we can make right now.”

“I always make the best plans!” Karen huffed indignantly, making Tommy laugh.

There was the beep of an incoming call, and Tommy hastily bid Karen goodbye so he could accept Evan’s call. Being called definitely meant Tommy would be going home alone without seeing Evan again tonight.

“How are you?” Tommy asked in lieu of a greeting.

Evan was quiet for far too long before he said, “I think something is going on with her and she isn’t telling me about it.”

“She has only just arrived,” Tommy said softly. “Maybe give her some time.”

Evan sighed. “Yeah, maybe. I’m sorry our evening got ruined. She is going to stay with me for a while, I’m not sure how long.”

“There is nothing you need to apologize for, Evan. There were no plans we can’t just postpone for a little while.”

“Thank you,” Evan whispered. “She is so different from what I remember. I don’t know what to do.”

“You’re very different from what she remembers, too,” Tommy said. “There is nothing strange about that. You’ve both had a lot of different life experiences that the other one doesn’t know about. You’ll have to get to know each other again.”

“Right.”

“Your couch can’t be very comfortable for her to sleep on. You could always give her your bed and come sleep at my place.”

Evan hesitated. Then he said, “I don’t want to leave her alone.”

Tommy sucked in a deep breath, his chest tightening at the worry and fear in Evan’s voice.

“I’ll need to get an air mattress after my shift,” Evan continued quietly. “Fuck. If she’s even still here after my shift. I … part of me thinks if I turn around even just for a moment she’ll be gone.”

“I’m sure Bobby would understand if you called in sick tomorrow.”

Evan sighed. “No. I can’t do that. The new guy is starting tomorrow. You know, the one who is supposed to be my new heavy rescue partner. When Hen still doesn’t have a new permanent partner. I think Bobby should’ve found someone for her first.”

Tommy chuckled. “I think this is a case of who came along first who was a fit for your station.”

“Anyway, I can’t take a personal day tomorrow, so I’ll just have to hope Maddie won’t be gone when I come home.” Evan sighed. “She said she left Doug.”

“Did she say why?” Tommy considered for a second if this was a good moment to ask about Doug’s last name. But he was pretty sure Evan wouldn’t be all too happy at the suggestion of snooping in his sister’s life, so Tommy held that question back. He would ask about it in person.

“He’s an asshole, reason enough, don’t you think?”

Tommy bit his lip. “Sure. But you also said something is going on with her.”

“She is really tired. I think she drove all the way from Hershey instead of flying. That’s like three straight days of driving,” Evan murmured. “And talking to her felt like talking to a stranger. Maybe once she’s had a full day and two whole nights to rest, it will be easier.”

“Maybe,” Tommy agreed. “How are you doing?”

“I’m telling myself I should be happy.”

Tommy sighed. “But you aren’t.”

“I am!” Evan protested hotly. “But … it’s mostly drowned out by everything else. What if I wake up and she’s gone and I never hear from her again? Or I come home from shift, and that happens?”

“Then I’ll still be here and will provide whatever distraction you need,” Tommy promised. “But she is here for now, and that’s what you need to focus on. How about we get lunch or dinner after our shifts?”

“Not breakfast?” Evan asked, disgruntled.

“Probably better if you plan to have breakfast with your sister,” Tommy said, smiling fondly.

It had become a habit for them to share breakfast the morning after a shift if neither of them was too tired, more often than not meeting someplace halfway between the 118 and the 217 or somewhere close to either of their homes. Tommy couldn’t deny that he was pleased that Evan hadn’t even thought about changing those plans, but he also felt that, at least this one time, it would be better if he spent it with his sister.

“You’re right,” Evan murmured. “Or we could invite Maddie to come along with us.”

Tommy hummed. “Maybe we should aim for something a little smaller to properly introduce me to your sister. Meeting for coffee or something. Once she’s had a couple of days to settle in, and you two have had some proper time to catch up.”

“I know she was a little strange…”

“I think she was intimidated by me, Evan,” Tommy said softly. “I really don’t hold anything she said against her. She was in a place she felt safe, and being confronted with a stranger took that safety away. It’s probably also not how she expected to see you. And if she really drove here, she’s had a couple of days to build up in her mind entire scenarios how seeing you again would go. I’m convinced not a single one of those scenarios included you surprising her in your apartment by coming home while making out with another man.”

Evan chuckled. “Yeah, that’s probably true.”

“So, we’re both going to cut her some slack, all right?”

“Thank you,” Evan murmured.

“I love you. Take care of yourself and your sister.”

“Love you, too,” Evan replied. “Tell me if anything comes up for Wednesday.”

“I will,” Tommy promised, though he was determined to keep the whole day free so he would be available no matter how short the notice was that Evan wanted to meet. He needed to be there for Evan, no matter how things turned out with Maddie.

Chapter 02

Hen greeted Buck with raised brows when they arrived nearly at the same time for their shift the morning after Maddie showed up. “You look as if you haven’t slept at all.”

Buck rolled his eyes. “My couch is not made to be slept on.”

Hen lowered her gaze. “Why were you sleeping on your couch?”

“Because my sister got my bed.” Buck sighed and walked into the station without waiting to see if Hen would follow him. “She was waiting in my apartment yesterday when Tommy and I came home from our date. That changed our plans a little.”

Hen bumped her shoulder against his. “But that sounds overall like a good thing. You’ve been waiting for her to reach out to you again, haven’t you?”

“Yeah.” Buck smiled, but he knew it probably looked strained. “Except, I think something is going on. And I’m not sure whether she’ll still be there tomorrow morning when our shift is over. I didn’t really get a lot of time to talk with her yet.”

“Bobby would—”

“Nope,” Buck interrupted and glared at her. “The new guy is starting today. And it would suck for Bobby if he had to scramble for a floater at such short notice. I love Maddie, and I’m glad she’s here, but I’m not in a position anymore to just drop everything for her if it’s not an emergency. And an unexpected visit is not an emergency.”

He would drop anything, no matter the consequences, of course, if there ever was one. But Maddie hadn’t told him there was any kind of emergency, even if she acted like it. Buck hadn’t pressed her for any information because he didn’t think she’d have changed that much in the years with no or barely any contact. And that meant she wouldn’t react well to him pushing her to share things she didn’t want to share.

“Speaking of the new guy,” Hen said as they reached the locker room. “I’ve finally got a semi-permanent new partner myself. Starting today, too.”

“Semi-permanent?” Buck asked with a frown. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Hank’s been with the LAFD for a long time. We’ve worked together in the past. He’s planning to retire in two years, but he and his wife moved to this side of town because his wife insists their grandchild should be able to walk safely to his grandparents’ house. The little boy is six months old, by the way. He is not walking anywhere, let alone by himself, for quite some time.”

Buck chuckled. “So, this Hank is clearly very devoted to his wife.”

Hen nodded with a grin. “Very. So they moved, and the commute to his old station was hell. But switching stations so close to retirement is kind of difficult. Barely anyone wants to take someone they know they’ll lose so soon again, right?”

“And you want to go through all this again in two years?” Buck asked with a frown.

“No,” Hen huffed. “But Sahar will be able to come back by then. I connected Hank and Sahar, and they made a deal together with the department. Once Sahar comes back from maternity leave, she’ll work on renewing all her certifications and do some extra training on the side while doing that desk job she has now. That gives her some more regular hours for a little over a year after the baby is born. Then, once Hank retires, Sahar will come back.”

Buck nodded slowly. “Sounds good.”

“It’s perfect! I’ve known Hank for years; we’ve worked well together before when either of us took extra shifts, so I knew we’d be a good fit. Hank can move stations, cutting his commute down to 20 minutes instead of the 90 it’s been since he moved. And I get Sahar back eventually, while she gets a better chance to bond with her baby than putting her on 24s right after maternity leave with a new station! Of course, I’ll also have to bear her complaining to me about the boring desk job for two years.”

Buck laughed. “I’m sure that’s an easy price to pay.”

“Want to talk about your sister?” Hen asked.

Buck took some time before he sighed in answer and started talking about Maddie, and especially the strange mix of emotions he felt about seeing her. After all the time he had been waiting to hear from Maddie again, he had expected he would be overwhelmed with happiness and nothing else as soon as he got any kind of message from her again, let alone if she just showed up looking for him. And that happiness was there, but there was also a disconcerting number of other emotions that weren’t anywhere near as positive.

They meandered up into the loft after changing, their conversation eventually shifting away from Maddie and onto some shenanigans Denny and some of his friends had gotten up to at school. Tanika joined them for a couple of minutes, just before Bobby called everyone to attention to introduce their new paramedic, Hank Gilbert, and their new probie, Eddie Diaz, who apparently had finished the academy at the top of his class and was a former army medic.

After how the year had gone for this shift so far, they were all used to new people joining them, but they weren’t quite used to the concept of those new people intending to stay. For a little while, Buck thought that was what made this shift in particular feel strange, with an odd tension in the air that Buck couldn’t quite put his finger on.

Buck knew Diaz was supposed to be his new partner, but for some reason, it was extremely difficult for him to have a proper conversation with him. For a while, Buck thought the problem was his own preoccupation with worrying about Maddie and running on too little sleep. Until it all came to a head during a medical call at a garage, where someone had fallen on an air pump and gotten inflated by it.

While Hank and Hen drove the patient to the hospital, the rest of the team returned to the station, with Buck staring quietly and subdued out of the window, ignoring everyone. He knew everyone noticed, including the new guy, but thankfully, no one tried to talk to him on the way back. Back at the station, Buck announced that he’d take care of preparing lunch for everyone, and hurried up to the loft before Bobby could assign him another task.

For a couple of minutes, Buck was alone in the kitchen, staring blankly into the fridge while trying to decide what he should cook. Then Bobby joined him, and when Buck looked around, he noticed that everyone else had found some task downstairs to do. Or had been ordered by Bobby not to come up.

“So, you’re not clicking with Diaz,” Bobby said as he grabbed the tub of rice from the pantry. He clearly had something in mind for lunch.

Buck closed the fridge with a sigh and leaned against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest. “I don’t think Diaz is the problem. I mean, aside from getting told by Johnson about the whole catfish thing and getting the wrong idea about that.”

Bobby made a face. “I already reprimanded Johnson for that and set Diaz straight.”

Buck nodded. Even with all the fallout for Chimney about that situation, and women still showing up at the station months later to accuse Buck of all kinds of things, Johnson somehow held onto the conviction that the whole thing had been nothing more than a brilliant prank. He was angry on Chimney’s behalf for the consequences he had to bear, and it wasn’t the first time he had misrepresented those events, but it had been the first time he had done it in front of someone who hadn’t been there to witness it himself. Or at least, Buck hoped it was the first time.

“So, if it’s not Diaz, what is the problem?” Bobby asked. “There should be tofu marinating in the fridge. We’ll do a stir-fry.”

“Everyone else,” Buck murmured. “Or maybe I’m just … too much in my head because of personal reasons.”

“Your sister?” Bobby asked.

Buck hummed.

“What about everyone else?”

Buck wet his lip. He really felt as if he was overreacting. But if the thing with Dr. Wells had taught him anything, it was that even if he felt it was an overreaction, he should still talk about it. Because sometimes he couldn’t trust that feeling. He already dreaded the time when he’d eventually have to work through how much of that was rooted in his childhood with Dr. Copeland.

“I know you didn’t choose me for the station,” Buck began slowly. “That you got saddled with me without much of a choice yourself. And I’m grateful for the support you all gave me eventually.”

Bobby turned to him with a deep frown.

Buck continued before Bobby could say anything, “The thing is, I didn’t come here without any kind of experience. I went into the academy with plenty of experience in wilderness S&R. I had a ton of certifications that probies usually don’t come out of the academy with. And I made sure you knew that. I told you about my previous experience, and how I’d been recommended to the academy here.”

“I remember,” Bobby said slowly.

“Wilderness S&R has a lot more in common with urban S&R than the work of an Army medic in theater has in common with the work of a paramedic in the middle of LA,” Buck said. “I honestly assume what was appropriate for Diaz to do in theater would almost always be against protocol for any medical call here. The situations and resources available are just too different. And Diaz was hired as a firefighter, not a paramedic.”

Bobby winced a little.

“When I told you about my background last year, you didn’t even pretend to listen for the first six or eight weeks,” Buck continued. “You told me to watch and learn instead. And everyone else agreed with you. I guess I have … trouble remembering how my previous experience was dismissed and seeing that other probies with less relevant backgrounds aren’t treated the same.”

“I fucked up with you in a lot of ways,” Bobby admitted without meeting Buck’s gaze. “I should’ve taken your prior experience into account.”

“You already apologized for that months ago,” Buck murmured and rubbed a hand over his face. “We had this conversation already.”

“Doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to point it out again, especially if I’m swinging too far in the opposite direction with our new probie. Hen already made clear she is going to have a conversation with me once she and Hank are back from the hospital.”

Buck nodded, feeling vindicated by the fact that Hen had probably gotten a similar impression that he had. It made him feel a little less as if he was overreacting or taking something too personally.

“Do you think you’ll be able to figure things out with Eddie?”

“Probably,” Buck shrugged. “He seems like a good guy.”

“Do you want to talk about your sister?” Bobby asked.

Buck huffed. “No. I already did that with Hen. Tell me what to make for lunch, then go take care of your paperwork, please. I promise I’ll try to be less obnoxious for the rest of shift.”

Bobby smiled sadly. “You aren’t obnoxious, Buck.”

But he did give him detailed instructions about lunch before vanishing into his office just long enough to get the laptop and some printed-out forms to fill out at the table nearest to the kitchen. It was nice to work side by side silently with Bobby, even though they were busy with very different tasks. Eventually the others meandered up to the loft, and Tanika joined Buck in the kitchen to help with the cooking.

The tension between Buck and Eddie Diaz didn’t just miraculously vanish, but it was a little more bearable for the rest of the shift after Bobby’s behavior shifted, and with that, everyone else’s behavior as well. Then, just before midnight, they got another medical call to help a guy who had shot a practice grenade into his leg.

Diaz ended up assisting Hen in the back of the ambulance because of the fake-explosive involved—only to stop the ambulance halfway to the hospital after noticing that the practice round was actually a live grenade. Later—and Buck honestly couldn’t quite remember how it had happened—he ended up in the ambulance right beside Diaz, carefully extracting the grenade from their patient’s leg since waiting for the military explosive expert would’ve meant letting their patient bleed out.

They managed to save the patient and get him into another ambulance and on the way to the hospital. Not even five minutes later, with Buck and Eddie still wearing the probably useless bulletproof vests, the grenade exploded, destroying their ambulance.

They had just arrived back at the 118 after promising the cops at the scene they’d send written statements to the precinct when Buck’s phone rang. It showed Tommy’s name, and Buck sighed deeply as he accepted the call. Of course the rumor mill of the LAFD worked fast. Especially with something this crazy.

“What’s this I hear about you blowing up Hen’s ambulance?”

Buck shrugged. “I mean, it’s the 118’s ambulance, not Hen’s.”

Bobby huffed and threw him a look from the front of the ladder that told him exactly how wrong he was with that statement.

“That is really not the point, Evan,” Tommy said slowly.

“No one is hurt,” Buck assured him. “But you’re right, Hen might be angry at Eddie and me. Though, to be fair, it was the patient who brought the grenade on board, not either of us.”

“There are ways to bond with your probie that don’t require explosives!”

Buck laughed as he jumped out of the ladder right behind Eddie. “I’m sure Hen or Tanika will eventually tell you all about how Eddie and I definitely needed some explosives to bond over.”

Eddie looked at him with raised brows.

“I’m perfectly fine, Tommy,” Buck promised. “No one was close to the ambulance anymore by the time the grenade exploded.”

Tommy sighed deeply. “I didn’t get many details at first. Not even whether anyone had been injured. Just needed to hear your voice.”

“I’m sorry I scared you,” Buck said honestly. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? I’ll have to go now and write a statement for the police. And then one for the department, because they’ll have to approve additional funds for a new ambulance. And I don’t know any details yet, but we’re definitely getting food together tomorrow. Somewhere. At some point. I promise I won’t cancel on you.”

“I’d understand if you did,” Tommy said quietly. “But I’d very much prefer to see you.”

“I love you,” Buck said softly. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Love you, too,” Tommy replied before they ended the call.

“Girlfriend?” Eddie asked.

“Boyfriend,” Buck corrected, and carefully watched Eddie out of the corner of his eyes. He hadn’t reacted negatively to Hen talking loudly about her wife the first chance she had, but over the past five months, Buck had learned that that didn’t have to mean much. Thankfully, though, Eddie just nodded without any adverse reaction.

So Buck continued, “He is a pilot firefighter over at the 217. Works A-shift, too. And clearly, the entire LAFD is currently talking about the two of us blowing up Hen’s ambulance. Probably the LAPD, too.”

Bobby chuckled. “Did you expect anything else?”

Buck rolled his eyes. “His captain could’ve at least made sure he knew I was okay.”

“I doubt that would’ve stopped him from calling,” Eddie said, amused. “Gotta make sure over trusting anyone’s word, right? Would you have let anyone stop you from calling him if the situation were the other way around?”

Buck shrugged. “No.”

Eddie laughed and patted his back as they walked up to the loft to get started on their reports.

***

For how crazy the shift had been at times, Buck felt surprisingly well rested when he came home in the morning. Maddie was already up, another sign of how little Buck knew her anymore. When he had been a child, Maddie had loved to sleep in any chance she had, and they had often clashed about that. Especially when she had promised to take him somewhere and Buck hadn’t known how to be patient. Eventually, he had learned to never wake her up before 10 in the morning.

So Buck didn’t expect Maddie to be up when he came home just before 9 that day, but he also wasn’t surprised to find her two suitcases in the hallway and Maddie nervously wringing her hands as she came out of the living room. He had wondered the whole shift if Maddie would still be there when he came home, after all.

“Already leaving?”

“There is still so much to see,” Maddie said with a strained smile.

Buck shook his head. “I don’t think that’s why. Will you please tell me what is going on with Doug, Maddie?”

Maddie shook her head. “I’m not dragging my little brother into this.”

Buck took a measured breath. This was the first time she had admitted that something was going on, and it felt like the moment was at least seven years overdue. “Standing between you and any danger looming over you is exactly where I want to be.”

Maddie turned her head to the side, but that couldn’t hide the tears gathering in her eyes or the trembling of her chin.

“Did Doug hurt you?” Buck asked softly.

It was a niggling suspicion Buck had had for a while. But by the time he had started to wonder about that, he had already been on the road for several years, and his phone calls with Maddie had been growing few and far between. And he had kept hearing his parents’ and Maddie’s voices telling him that his opinions about Doug were just his own jealousy speaking. So, he had always pushed the thought away, and now he wondered if he would regret that for the rest of his life.

“I…” Maddie sighed deeply, and then she turned on her heels and walked back into the living room. She sank onto the couch with a sigh so full of exhaustion that it broke his heart.

Buck followed her slowly and sat down onto the coffee table so he could face her without being either too far away or crowding her. “I don’t want you to leave, Maddie. I don’t care what you’re running away from. Here, I can help you. You don’t need to do any of this by yourself.”

“Over the years, I’ve seen so many women come into the ER who had been beaten by their husbands,” Maddie whispered teary-eyed, her hands pressed together tightly but still shaking violently. “And they came back over and over again. I was always so … not to their face, of course. But in my head? I always thought, ‘Why don’t you just leave him? Why are you staying?’”

Buck swallowed and fisted his hands.

“I was so judgmental, until I was in that situation myself, and everything just seemed so impossible,” Maddie continued brokenly. “All those things you picked up on as a child? And all those things Mom and Dad hated about him from the very beginning? They got really worse over the past year or so.”

Buck nodded slowly and bit his tongue. He didn’t believe her about the timeframe for a single second, but he was so relieved she was opening up to him at all. He didn’t need to know the whole story to help her.

“I told him I was leaving, and he threatened to kill me,” Maddie whispered. She turned her head to look at him, and the expression in her eyes felt like a punch in the chest. “He meant it. I know he meant every word.”

“I won’t let him come near you,” Buck promised.

Maddie huffed and shook her head.

“Stay here, please,” Buck begged. “Don’t keep running. Wherever else you went, you’d be alone. I can help you. I can protect you. Please, Maddie.”

Maddie shook her head and wrung her hands.

“I’m not the nine-year-old boy you left behind for college anymore,” Buck said softly. “Or the reckless teenager you watched drive away. I’m a whole grown-ass man who can take care of himself. And of you, if it’s necessary.”

“You don’t know Doug,” Maddie whispered.

Buck ran his tongue over his lips and contemplated his answer for a moment. “Then tell me what I need to know. Do you really want to keep running for the rest of your life?”

“No,” Maddie whispered, her shoulders sagging down. “I just want … to be happy again.”

Buck nodded, though he suspected she had wanted to say something else at first. “You will be,” he promised, not just her but also himself. He didn’t care what it would take to get her there; he would make sure no one—especially not Doug—stood in her way.

Maddie gave him a weak smile full of doubt.

“Can I hug you?” Buck asked quietly.

Maddie shrugged, so Buck didn’t move. He didn’t dare to, too afraid it would spook her and make her run after all. He wasn’t sure he had convinced her to stay yet. He needed her to say she would stay, but he didn’t know how far he could push. He didn’t know the woman his sister had become, and that knowledge hurt like nothing else.

“A hug would be nice,” Maddie whispered eventually. “I think.”

Buck moved to sit beside Maddie and carefully pulled her into a hug. He noticed her flinch when he rubbed a hand down her left arm, but clenched his teeth and didn’t ask, just moved his hand elsewhere. Buck didn’t know what triggered it, but a moment later his sister started to sob, and then she clung to him like a lifeline. He held her, careful not to hug her too tightly, and rocked her back and forth.

Buck had lost all sense of time when Maddie finally calmed down. He didn’t know what to say, but then his stomach growled loudly, and Maddie started to laugh.

“I thought we could have breakfast together,” Buck said defensively.

“I haven’t eaten anything either,” Maddie said, still chuckling.

Buck wasn’t eager to cook anything himself, so he said, “There is a great place to get breakfast not that far from here. My treat.”

Maddie huffed. “I’m a mess!”

“The bathroom is all yours,” Buck said softly. He would need to change his shirt, but he could do that while she was in the bathroom.

“Okay,” Maddie murmured. “Yeah, let’s go out for breakfast.”

***

“You clearly come here often,” Maddie said with the brittle smile Buck was slowly getting used to. It seemed to be the only kind of smile she still had, and Buck hated Doug a little more every time he saw it.

“Tommy and I try to have breakfast together every morning after a shift,” Buck said. “Usually, neither of us is up for cooking ourselves. So we’ve found a couple of places we meet at for breakfast pretty regularly.”

Maddie lowered her gaze.

“We got off to a little bit of a wrong start there, huh?” Buck said. “Now I know how Dante’s brothers felt when we walked in on them having girlfriends in their rooms.”

“That happened?” Maddie asked, scandalized.

Buck grinned. “Yeah. More than it should’ve, but you know. Teenage boys.”

Maddie huffed. “You aren’t a teenager anymore.”

“And you weren’t walking into my childhood bedroom to interrupt me,” Buck said, chuckling. “How did you get into the apartment, anyway?”

Maddie pursed her lips, and for a moment, Buck thought she might argue about the comparison, but then she just shrugged. “I ran into the building manager when I arrived. He had mercy on me. Probably helped that I have boobs, too.”

Buck frowned. “Great. I just moved in a couple of months ago, and now I need to find somewhere else to live.”

“Why do you need a new apartment?” Maddie asked, clearly confused. “I’m grateful that guy let me in! I waited for hours for you. I’d have … I’d have given up on waiting long before you came home if I’d had to wait outside your door.”

“You could’ve called me, Maddie,” Buck said softly. “I haven’t changed my number since I left Hershey. You know how to reach me on Facebook. I made sure you knew where I work. I left as many avenues for you to reach me as I could.”

Maddie shook her head. “You didn’t send me your new address. I had to get that from that frat house you lived in before.”

Buck laughed. “No one there is going to college, so it’s not a frat house at all. You had my station number, so I didn’t think sending you my new address was that urgent.” He blew out a breath, wondering if she would’ve left if they had gone to Tommy’s house that night instead, and Buck didn’t come home until today. “But I’m glad we didn’t miss each other.”

“Yeah, me too,” Maddie whispered and looked away. She had both hands wrapped around the coffee mug and pulled her shoulders up, making herself impossibly small.

Buck couldn’t help but wonder if Maddie would’ve gone to the 118 if she hadn’t found a way inside his apartment, or if he would have never learned that she had been looking for him at all. It was clear that whatever strength she had wasn’t a lot. So, in the end, he was glad the building manager had let her into his apartment, but that didn’t change the fact that he’d need to talk with his landlord and then find a new place to stay.

“I still need to find a new place,” Buck said. “And we’ll need to find a place for you, too.”

Maddie shook her head. “You just moved in there. It certainly looks like it in some places, too!”

Buck rolled his eyes. “No one ever warned me how much work it would be to get everything you need for your first brand new apartment by yourself. But I can’t stay in a building where strangers are just let into my apartment! I mean, did that guy even ask for an ID? Even if he did, you don’t even have the name Buckley on there anymore!”

“I just told him I’m your sister.”

“And he believed it without question? We don’t look that much alike. And I never told him that I even had a sister who might visit. At the very least he should have tried to call me!”

Maddie shrugged.

“See!” Buck shook his head. “You could’ve been anyone! And considering that I’ve been stalked by a couple of women who believe I ghosted them and that both the landlord and the building management know that, no one should’ve let some strange woman into my apartment!”

“You ghosted women? What?” Maddie asked.

“I didn’t,” Buck said. He sighed deeply, and then he had to wait a second while their breakfast was brought to the table. When they were alone again, he said, “Someone used my face and my name to catfish women online. I didn’t know about it until some of them started showing up at work.”

Maddie stared at him, dumbfounded. “Why would someone use your name and your face for something like that?”

Buck shrugged. “Why do people lie to get laid in general? And he did use it to get laid, because he’d invite those women to bars and then pick them up after they had supposedly been stood up by me.”

“And women fell for that?” Maddie asked with an incredulous tone.

“They did.” Buck sighed and dug into his pancakes. He really didn’t want to answer any detailed questions about that. “We found out who it was months ago, and the whole thing stopped. But he talked to a lot more women than he admitted to, and the platforms he used weren’t very cooperative in contacting his victims to let them know what had been going on. And because he told them where I work, it’s easy for them to find me. Don’t ask me why some of them waited months before they started looking for me.”

“Something like that can only happen to you,” Maddie said, shaking her head.

Buck decided to ignore that comment. At some point he’d have to sit Maddie down and make her understand that they really didn’t know each other anymore. They’d have a long way to get to know each other again, too, especially as Buck wondered how well Maddie even still knew herself. He had learned about survivors of domestic abuse because they had been taught to recognize certain signs and to offer whatever help they could at the academy. Now he felt he didn’t know nearly as much as he needed to, but that was still enough to be aware that Maddie might feel just as lost about herself as he felt about her.

“Can you imagine if one of these women had been let into my apartment?” Buck asked instead. “One of them threw rocks at the fire station. I could’ve come home to my whole place trashed. Or worse.”

Maddie made a face. “Okay, I get it.”

Buck nodded. Under the current circumstances, the apartment wouldn’t be safe for her to stay in for any amount of time, either. If Doug followed Maddie to LA—and Buck had to expect he would because it wasn’t difficult to track him down after the interview he had given the previous December—then Maddie needed a place to live that was secure from any strangers gaining access. Which his place clearly wasn’t.

“You need a proper place to stay, too,” Buck said.

Maddie shrugged. “Yeah. I … have some savings. I’ll need a new bank account, though. And a job eventually. Probably sooner rather than later, especially if I stay in an expensive place like LA.”

“I’m sure it won’t be a problem to get you a job at any of the hospitals in town. Nurses are always in demand. I just don’t know if they’ll take your certs from Pennsylvania or if you need to do anything to get them renewed here.”

Maddie shook her head. “I’m not sure I want to work as a nurse anymore.”

Buck bit his lip. Was this about something Doug had done, too? He wished he could ask all the questions running through his head, that he could get to know every little detail about his sister again. He knew better than to ask about that, though. Pushing for answers had never made her open up in the past, and he suspected it was only worse now.

“Sounds good,” Buck agreed instead with an enthusiastic smile. “Any ideas what you’d want to do? You’re speaking to the expert on changing jobs, after all.”

Maddie chuckled. “I don’t know. I mean, I like helping people. But it’s very…” She trailed off with a shrug.

“So, you’d still want to help people? How do you like talking on the phone?”

Maddie frowned. “What?”

“Dispatch is always looking for new people,” Buck said. “I’m sure with your experience in the ER you’d be great there. You already know how to deal with panicking people, and your medical knowledge will surely come in handy, too.”

Maddie bit her lip.

“We can look into it later?” Buck suggested. “And we can look into other things, too. I’m sure there are a ton of things you can do and that you’ll be just as excellent at as being a nurse.”

“You don’t think it would be strange for you?” Maddie asked. “Me working at dispatch, I mean?”

Buck grinned. “No, why should it? I think working kind of in the same field as you would be great. And I don’t think our shifts would constantly overlap, anyway. As far as I know, dispatch shifts are structured a lot more like what you’re used to from the ER.”

“That’s a plus for dispatch, then,” Maddie said. “I don’t know how you handle 24s, really. I mean, I’ve done double shifts that turned into 24s at times, but I felt dead on my feet every time afterwards.”

“So, you’re okay with us getting online and looking up available jobs for you?”

“It’s a plan,” Maddie agreed with a hesitant smile. “Don’t get your hopes up too much, though.”

Chapter 03

Tommy had half expected Evan to cancel on him after all, and he wouldn’t have held it against him no matter how desperately he wanted to see his boyfriend after hearing about the call with the blown-up ambulance. Their short phone call during the night had calmed Tommy down some, but it wasn’t the same as seeing Evan. Tommy was a little startled to learn how much he had grown used to, and maybe even a little dependent on, seeing Evan the morning after their shifts. He really hadn’t known what to do with himself in the morning.

“It smells amazing!” Evan said as soon as he came in.

“It needs 20 more minutes in the oven,” Tommy said as he greeted him with a kiss. “I hope you aren’t starving.”

“I am!” Evan grinned and inhaled deeply. “Even more than before now that I’ve smelled this. But I’ll survive 20 minutes. Probably.”

Tommy chuckled. “Everything good?”

“No, I don’t think so,” Evan shrugged and leaned against Tommy heavily, resting his head on Tommy’s shoulder. “Maddie is a mess. And I think I’ve convinced her to stay, but I’m not sure. She could still decide at any moment that running on her own might be better than staying here, where I can help her.”

“Help her, or protect her from her husband?”

Evan inhaled sharply and took half a step back to look at Tommy. “How’d you…?”

“It was an educated guess,” Tommy said softly. He grabbed Evan’s hand and led him to the kitchen, where he pushed him into one of the chairs. Tommy turned his own chair so he could face Evan more easily. “Tell me what you know?”

“She claims it’s only been a year,” Evan murmured. “I think that’s a lie. Probably an attempt to protect me. At first, she insisted she wouldn’t drag her little brother into this.”

“Didn’t she already do that by showing up at your place?” Tommy asked with raised brows.

“I’m not sure she is capable of a lot of rational thought or logical arguments at the moment. She is clearly running on fumes and in a state where she’s just reacting to whatever is happening. And I wouldn’t want to point that out to her anyway, because I think it would make her run.”

It very much fit the tiny impression Tommy had been able to glean of her. “So, what’s the plan?”

Evan shrugged. “She doesn’t have one, clearly. Other than getting away from the asshole and hiding from him. We’ve looked at possible jobs for her, and in the end, I helped her fill out the application for dispatch.”

“That’s good,” Tommy said. “If she stays here, we’ll need to help her build a support system.”

“Her first thought was a job,” Evan murmured. “I hope dispatch will accept her application. She’ll be safe there. And around people who have resources to help her. Not that I think she’ll be honest about what’s going on in her life. If she doesn’t want to share any details with me, she’ll want to share even less with strangers.”

Tommy nodded. “What was your first thought?”

“To find her an apartment that’s way more secure than mine clearly is. Can you believe that the fucking building manager just let her into my apartment? She told him she was my sister, and that was all it took. He apparently didn’t ask a single question. Even though they know I’ve had some trouble with strangers! I need to move, too! But finding a place for Maddie first is the priority.”

“It’s not very safe for her to stay there,” Tommy murmured with a frown.

“No. But I didn’t want to point that out to her.” Evan sighed deeply and rubbed his hand down his face. “I feel anything just might make her jump and run. If she vanishes on me … I’d probably never learn if she found some place safe or if the asshole found her and made good on his threat.”

“Threat?” Tommy asked and leaned forward, placing a hand on Evan’s knee. “What threat?”

Evan exhaled slowly and looked at Tommy warily. “She said when she first told him she’d leave him, he threatened to kill her.”

Tommy dug his fingers into Evan’s knee and had to force himself to relax that grip. “What’s his name?”

“Doug Kendall. Why?”

“Because we’re going to hire someone to investigate him.”

“No!” Evan shook his head. “Maddie will never agree with that!”

“Evan,” Tommy said softly. “You just said it yourself: your sister isn’t in a good position to make rational decisions. Of course she won’t agree to have anyone snoop around in her life, because that will be part of investigating her husband, too. Because she has been hiding this for who knows how long.”

“I think at least since before I left Hershey,” Evan said brokenly. He pulled his lips between his teeth and shook his head, tears suddenly gathering in his eyes. “And I missed it! She was … I remember some of her injuries. She was wearing a fucking brace the last time I saw her, Tommy. And I just dismissed it. I didn’t…”

“It’s not your fault.” Tommy cradled Evan’s face with both hands and lifted his head, so that their gazes met. “You were barely more than a child at the time, Evan. Nothing that’s happened to your sister is your fault.”

“There were times when I wondered,” Evan whispered hoarsely. “And I pushed it away. Told myself I was just jealous of Maddie pushing me aside for him.”

Tommy sighed. “Still not your fault. Do you think she would have told you the truth if you had turned around and gone back to Hershey to ask her?”

“No.” Evan didn’t even hesitate, didn’t have to think about that answer.

“Maddie is here now, and you can help her now,” Tommy said. “But it won’t help her at all if you beat yourself up about things you didn’t have any way of knowing. You can’t help her now by wondering what could’ve been done differently then.”

“I don’t even know how to help now,” Evan murmured.

“We’ll figure it out.”

“Not by hiring a PI. Maddie will hate the thought of it, and I can’t not tell her if I did that.”

Tommy wet his lip and nodded slowly.

“You can’t either!”

“You should talk to Tanika tomorrow,” Tommy said, and hoped Evan would forget that he hadn’t actually answered, hadn’t made any promises. He would make sure that soon enough, they knew every little detail there was to know about Doug and Maddie Kendall. They’d need leverage against Doug to deal with him, because Tommy had no doubt whatsoever that he’d follow Maddie wherever she went. That kind of man never accepted his wife just leaving them.

Evan frowned. “Why?”

“Because her sister has dedicated her whole life to helping women escape their abusive husbands,” Tommy said. “Imani will be able to provide resources better than anyone else. She’ll be able to let your sister know where she can go to get help. She’ll be able to tell you what you can do to help your sister.”

“I didn’t know that about Tanika’s sister,” Evan murmured.

Tommy shrugged. “She doesn’t talk much about it. Especially with men. Tanika’s sister might be able to get Maddie an apartment in a safehouse. But you wouldn’t know the address.”

“I…” Evan stared at him wide-eyed, and Tommy expected a protest about it, but then he nodded. “I don’t care. As long as Tanika promises me that Maddie will be safe there, I wouldn’t care not knowing the address.”

“She’ll be as safe as possible there,” Tommy promised. “I’ve met Imani a couple of times. When I was still with the 118, we sent a couple of women her way. One of them showed up much later to thank us. That was definitely one of those moments you don’t forget.”

Evan swallowed. “When I left Hershey, she gave me her Jeep. Why didn’t she come with me then?”

Tommy sighed and smiled sadly. “I don’t know.”

“I can’t even ask her,” Evan murmured. “She clearly doesn’t want to talk about it. I felt like I was navigating a mine field talking to her. Like any wrong question, any wrong word might spook her so much she’d just run and I’d never see her again.”

“She came here to see you,” Tommy reminded him. “And when she didn’t find you at the last address you sent her, she figured out where you were. And as disconcerting as it is that she was just let into your apartment, the fact that she figured out how to get somewhere she felt safe enough to wait for you is still a sign of how much she wanted to see you.”

Evan wet his lip and nodded slowly.

“And she has to know it won’t be difficult for her husband to find you,” Tommy continued. “Or for him to assume that she ran to you. You know what that all means, right? I can’t tell you what held her back when you left Hershey. But what’s driving her now is, at least in part, reconnecting with you.”

“When I came home, her suitcases were packed, and she was ready to leave.”

“But she didn’t,” Tommy said. “She waited for you to come home. And when you talked to her, she decided to stay. You looked up jobs for her and even filled out an application for one, Evan.”

“Because I pushed her to,” Evan murmured with a frown.

“Maybe that’s what she needs right now. Maybe she used up all the energy she had coming here and finding you. And now she needs you to push her to do the things she knows she has to do but is too exhausted to do by herself.”

“You think so?”

Tommy nodded and rubbed his thumb over the spot under Evan’s eye. “Yes.”

Evan exhaled slowly and leaned forward until he could rest his forehead against Tommy’s, and silence settled between them. Tommy wasn’t sure how many of Evan’s worries he had really been able to calm, but he’d make sure they’d find a way through this together.

***

“Tanika?” Buck approached his friend as soon as he saw her coming into the station. He had arrived pretty early—he had forgotten to buy an air mattress the previous day and had spent another very uncomfortable night on his couch—and had been waiting anxiously for Tanika to arrive since the moment he had set foot in the fire station.

Tanika eyed him skeptically. “You look even more like death warmed over than last shift!”

Buck shrugged. “Could I talk to you?”

“Sure. What’s up?”

“I need help for my sister,” Buck said quietly and looked around to make sure no one was near enough to overhear. “And Tommy said your sister might be the right person to ask.”

“Oh.” A complicated mixture of emotions flickered across Tanika’s face before she settled into a sad smile. “Okay. Let me get changed and we’ll meet up in the loft. Best place to see anyone approaching so we can make sure to have a private conversation, yeah?”

“Yeah, okay. Thank you.”

Tanika patted his arms. “Any time, Buck.”

Buck headed up to the loft by himself, suddenly wondering if it was right to just go around and share Maddie’s story with so many people. He shook his head at that thought and told himself he wasn’t gossiping about her, he was trying to find the help they needed because he knew he couldn’t provide everything she needed by himself.

Tanika joined him ten minutes later, sitting down in such a way that she could see the stairs, just as Buck had done. He wanted to be able to drop the conversation before anyone could overhear any of it.

“You mentioned that your sister showed up last shift,” Tanika said. “But I didn’t catch much else. You haven’t seen her in a while, right?”

“Not since I left Hershey seven years ago,” Buck confirmed. “And she hadn’t answered a phone call or returned one for over three years now. She says it’s only been bad for a year with Doug. But I think that’s a lie. That it’s been going on the whole time and I didn’t notice.”

“She was already married when you left home?” Tanika asked softly.

“Yeah, for years by that point. She’s nine years older than me, nearly ten, really. She met him her first year at college. He was in med school. She had just started pre-med because med school was her dream once. Then she followed him to Boston for his residency and became a nurse instead. They married while they were in Boston. Our parents hated him, though I don’t think it was for the right reasons. So they didn’t go to the wedding. And I was too young to go to Boston by myself.”

“I already didn’t like your parents from the little I knew,” Tanika said darkly. “What do you know about her husband?”

Buck shrugged. “I could never stand Doug. I don’t know how often I heard back then that I needed to get over my obsession with Maddie in response to me loudly complaining about him. I’ve been trying to figure out everything I remember over the past two days to figure out at what point anyone could’ve prevented this shit if they’d listened to me.”

“That’s not how this works, Buck,” Tanika said softly and reached over, curling her fingers around his wrist. “There is a reason domestic violence is as difficult to deal with as it is. The important part is that your sister has left him now. Will she stay here?”

“I hope so,” Buck murmured. “I tried to convince her to. We filled out the application for her to maybe become a dispatcher here. She didn’t want to go back to being an ER nurse. I got the feeling Doug somehow ruined that for her.”

“Did they work in the same hospital?” Tanika asked. “You said he’s a doctor?”

Buck shrugged. “I don’t know. I really don’t know a lot about him at all.”

“What do you need? What does your sister need?”

“I have no idea.” Buck shrugged again and dragged his fingers through his hair. “I think he’ll follow her. And she said he threatened to kill her. She needs a safe place to live. And that’s not my apartment, not when the building manager let her inside just because she claimed to be my sister.”

“He did what?” Tanika asked aghast.

“Yeah, I know. I need to move, too. But finding a place for Maddie is more important.”

“I can get your sister in contact with my sister,” Tanika said. “Have you talked with her about this? From my experience, it’s often difficult for survivors to seek out the help they need. And to accept help. You might need some time to convince her.”

“Not yet. I … feel every wrong word might make her run. I wanted to see what you said first. Or what your sister said. I guess that’s what I need. Someone to help me navigate this without making everything worse.”

“You shouldn’t spring anything on your sister,” Tanika said slowly. “Don’t make decisions for her. Was dispatch your idea?”

“I mean, I brought it up.” Buck bit his lip and frowned, mentally going through Maddie’s reaction. “But just as an idea, not as something she needed to do. We looked up information about other jobs. She still wants to help people. But working as a nurse here would take time and involve a lot of paperwork. We did look that up, too, even though she said from the beginning she doesn’t want that anymore. For dispatch, she’ll only have to take a three-week course, and then she can start working. I think that’s what made her decide to fill out that application in the end. It’s the fastest way to get a job where her previous experience will be helpful. I didn’t offer to pay her rent for her until she’s back on her feet, but I would if dispatch doesn’t work out.”

“Do you have any idea about her financial situation?”

Buck shook his head. “She said she has some savings. But she also said she needs to open a new bank account.”

Tanika made a face. “One tool abusers use to control their victims is financial dependency. I wouldn’t be surprised if your sister hasn’t had control over her own money for a very long time.”

Buck nodded. He remembered that from the few lessons he’d had about the topic at the academy.

“She might not be comfortable being financially dependent on anyone, maybe even especially you,” Tanika continued. “Don’t be angry at her if she doesn’t accept any financial help you offer.”

“I won’t be angry,” Buck promised. “Disappointed, maybe. But I won’t show that to her. I want to support her, Tanika.”

“I’ll let my sister know that I’ll send someone her way soon. You need to sit down with your sister tomorrow and bring up the possibility of getting her outside help.”

“What if she doesn’t want that?”

Tanika sighed. “Then we’ll work around her as much as we can. I’m sure my sister can help find an apartment that’s affordable and as safe as possible, even if it’s not one of the women’s shelters or safehouses my sister helps manage.”

“That would be an address I would be able to know, then.”

Tanika frowned. “You’re worried about not knowing her address?”

“I’m worried about Maddie vanishing on me again,” Buck whispered. “And not knowing if it was her own choice or if Doug found her. But if it means she is safer if I don’t know, I won’t hate it.”

“Do you have a picture of Doug?

“No,” Buck frowned. “Why?”

Tanika sighed deeply and turned a little to face Buck directly. She took both of his hands and squeezed them tightly, looking at him until he got the hint and returned her gaze. “I’m gonna be brutally honest with you for a moment, okay? The time right after leaving their abuser is the most dangerous time for a survivor. Some abusers go after their victims directly. But some stalk them or try to insert themselves into their lives by befriending people around their victims.”

Buck stared at her wide-eyed as cold fear overtook him. “Do you think he’ll go through with his threat of…”

“We should operate under the assumption that someone is after Maddie with the ultimate goal to kill her,” Tanika said quietly. “But I think you already knew that.”

Buck shook his head numbly.

Tanika rubbed her thumbs over his knuckles. “You’re here trying to find her help. You said you convinced her to stay so you could help her. I think you knew very well the kind of danger your sister is in, even if you didn’t put it in those exact words.”

Buck exhaled shakily and closed his eyes. For a moment, they sat in silence, and that was only broken when Tanika pulled her hands back, and Buck felt adrift for a moment, as if she had taken away the only thing keeping him grounded. When he opened his eyes, he found her stabbing at the screen of her phone.

“What’s the asshole’s name?” Tanika asked.

“Doug Kendall,” Buck said hoarsely and leaned forward to look at the screen.

“And you’re from Hershey,” Tanika murmured. “So, let’s see.” She opened a picture from a hospital website and turned the phone so Buck had a better view of the screen. “That him?”

Buck nodded, his mouth too dry to say anything.

“Great.” Tanika saved the picture, then went back to the page which had some general details about him. “We are going to make sure everyone who works here at the 118 knows exactly who this asshole is and that they need to let you know immediately if they see him around. And as soon as your sister has a job, we’ll need to convince her that she needs to do the same with her new co-workers.”

“She won’t like that,” Buck murmured.

Tanika smiled sadly. “Yeah, I don’t think she will. But you know this is the right call, don’t you?”

Buck shook his head.

Tanika watched him with raised brows. “Do you remember at the beginning of the year when Hen’s ex was making a nuisance of herself? You were the one to convince her to tell us about it and to show us pictures of the ex so we would recognize her if she showed up. Which she did.”

Buck sighed. “Yeah, I remember.”

“So, I know for a fact that you know this is the right thing to do,” Tanika said. “You aren’t difficult to find. A quick search of your name online, and the clip from that interview you gave last December will be one of the first things that shows up. The ladder with the big fat 118 is right behind you in that video.”

“I know.”

Tanika nodded. “So, we’ll make sure no one here tells him anything. Not even dickheads like Johnson.”

“Maddie will hate it,” Buck protested weakly.

“So, don’t tell her.” Tanika shrugged. “She doesn’t need to know any details about the people you work with. She has a lot to worry about right now. You can tell her all the details of how you worked in the background to support her and keep her safe at a much later date, as long as she doesn’t ask directly. And I don’t think she will ask directly. Because she’ll be much more concerned with the things she sees in front of her.”

***

Tommy frowned as he scrolled through the list of names Karen’s friend Tori had sent him in response to his email last night. When he and Evan had come home from San Diego a month ago, he had gotten a similar list from her of lawyers to help deal with his unexpected inheritance, and that list had been a blessing. So it had been a no-brainer to ask Tori for help once again. She was in criminal law herself, so she had a lot of contacts with several PIs. Tommy had been utterly convinced of his plan to hire a PI to investigate Evan’s brother-in-law the previous day, but now that he had some names and the information to proceed, he wasn’t so sure anymore.

“What bug crawled up your ass?” Tarek asked as he fell onto the couch right beside Tommy.

“Nothing,” Tommy murmured and hastily closed the tab on the laptop.

But not soon enough for Tarek to miss what he had been looking at. “Private investigators? Your family causing any trouble?”

Tommy huffed. “No. All communication there is going through my brand-new lawyers.”

“So, who do you need to investigate then?”

Tommy looked around, and when he found no one in view, he murmured, “Evan’s brother-in-law. So we have leverage against him when he comes after Evan’s sister.”

Tarek blew out air through his teeth. “When? Not if?”

“Does a man who abuses his wife ever let her go because she decides it’s time to leave?” Tommy asked darkly.

“If it happens, it’s not very often,” Tarek agreed.

“So, there is no if about it.”

“Fuck,” Tarek murmured. “How is Evan’s sister?”

“I’m not sure. I only saw her for a moment, and she wasn’t happy to see me. I think she was afraid of me. Evan didn’t notice.”

“He hadn’t seen her for a while before this, right? So he was probably distracted.”

“He was,” Tommy agreed. “He wants to officially introduce me to his sister. I guess that’s when we’ll have to deal with whatever impression the very unfortunate first meeting left her with.”

“Why do you think you left such a bad first impression?”

Tommy sighed and shrugged. “We came home from a date very enthusiastic to commence with the private part of the evening.”

Tarek laughed. “In other words, you were daring Buck’s neighbors to complain again.”

Tommy rolled his eyes. “Whatever. But his sister was in the apartment, and Evan was understandably very surprised and a little taken aback. They were both saying things in the heat of the moment I knew they’d regret later. So I interrupted and pushed Evan into the bedroom to give him a moment to gather his thoughts. Ordered her to wait in the living room. I think she might have taken it the wrong way.”

Tarek made a face. “I’m sure it will be fine in the end.”

“I hope so.” Tommy opened the laptop back up and stared at the list again. “Evan wasn’t happy about the idea of investigating his brother-in-law. He thinks Maddie won’t agree to it.”

“She probably won’t,” Tarek agreed. “Are you really going to do this behind Evan’s back?”

“Sometimes it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission.”

Tarek huffed. “That’s one way to look at it.”

“I have no doubt that this guy is a threat not only to Maddie, but also to Evan,” Tommy said. “Evan is focused on making his sister happy. She’s admitted that her husband was violent, but Evan is convinced she downplayed how bad it really was. And she admitted he threatened to kill her if she left. Wouldn’t you be worried in my place that she admitted a death threat and he still felt she was downplaying things?”

“Buck’s impression doesn’t have to be the truth,” Tarek pointed out.

“We had dinner yesterday before he returned home to sleep on his tiny couch, because he didn’t want to leave her alone for a night if it wasn’t necessary. He spent two hours picking apart his memories of his sister from the years before he left home. And even before she arrived, he had mentioned some things that made me worried about his sister’s situation. But nothing that was … concrete enough for me to bring the idea up.”

Tarek sighed deeply. “Tommy.”

Tommy sent him a look.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Tarek said. “I don’t know Buck very well, but even I know he’ll drown in misplaced guilt about his sister getting hurt and him not noticing. You can’t trust his memories here, Tommy.”

“I know!” Tommy snapped. “That’s just more reason to hire a PI so we get reliable information about this Doug Kendall, MD.” He pulled up the website from the hospital in Hershey where he had found a picture and brief biography of Evan’s brother-in-law—at least he hoped it was the right man. “That’s him, by the way. He is lauded as some kind of star-surgeon at his hospital.”

Tarek frowned and stared at the picture. “A little strange that he would stay at a relatively small and unimportant hospital if he was that much of a star in his field.”

“Maybe he knows he wouldn’t be such a big fish outside of his small pond,” Tommy said.

“I still don’t think it’s a good idea to keep it a secret from your boyfriend if you hire a PI to investigate his brother-in-law,” Tarek said. “But I think investigating him is a good idea. And make sure everyone around here sees that picture. Just in case he shows up here.”

Chapter 04

Buck met with Maddie on Friday for breakfast after his shift again instead of Tommy. If Maddie decided to stay in LA, Buck would make sure to return to his routine with Tommy because he already missed it, but for the moment, he couldn’t relax until he had seen with his own eyes that Maddie was still in town.

It was a different experience from decompressing after a shift with Tommy, who understood his complaints and worries and just nodded along instead of questioning anything Buck had to say. And who freely shared whatever was stuck in his head from his own shift in return.

He didn’t know how long it would take for him to truly believe Maddie would stay, even if she got the job at dispatch, even if they found an apartment for her soon. Buck suspected it would take a long time for him to trust that Maddie was back in his life permanently, and that was at the top of his list of things to discuss with Dr. Copeland during his appointment that afternoon.

“What did you do?” Maddie asked him with a reproachful look as he sat down at the table where she was already sitting with a coffee in front of her.

They met at the diner near his apartment again, and he nodded at the waitress as he sat down. He knew she would bring over his usual order soon, and he hoped Maddie had already ordered her breakfast when she ordered her coffee.

Buck raised his brows. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Maddie glared at him. “I got a call yesterday afternoon. From Metro dispatch. I’ve been accepted to the class that starts on Monday already because of a personal recommendation.”

“But that’s great!” Buck said with a wide grin.

“I don’t know how to feel about getting in because my little brother begged someone for a spot,” Maddie said darkly.

Buck rolled his eyes and shook his head. “I didn’t beg anyone, didn’t even pull any strings myself. Though my captain might have. But I didn’t ask him to!”

Maddie lowered her gaze. “Explain!”

Buck shrugged. “It started with me complaining to Hen that I’d have to go through the whole horror of looking for an apartment twice over. Hen’s wife Karen helped me find my apartment, so she knows all about my struggle with that whole process. Bobby overheard and asked why I needed to look for two new apartments. So, I told him you were moving here and looking for a job right away. I also might have mentioned helping you fill out the application for dispatch. A couple of hours later, while we were preparing lunch for the whole crew, Bobby told me he had made a phone call on your behalf. Not sure if he really pulled any strings though.”

Maddie huffed.

“I didn’t ask him to!” Buck repeated. “Bobby is a good captain. And he cares for everyone on the shift. Also … he might know how much I missed you. Because we’ve been hanging out outside of the job, too. He’s pretty new to LA himself, so we’re exploring the city together. Sometimes Hen comes joins us. She and Bobby have a whole thing about scouting out different farmers’ markets all across LA because he is always cooking for the whole shift.”

“You seem to be very close to a lot of people on your shift,” Maddie said skeptically. “Do you think that’s a good dynamic to have with co-workers?”

“It works for us,” Buck said. “And, I mean, we go through some pretty grueling shit together regularly. Or amazing things. There was this one night back in March when Bobby and I responded to a medical call at a yoga class for pregnant women. We helped three women in that room give birth. That was amazing and terrifying at the same time. And it’s really not that many I’m so close to. Bobby, Hen, Tanika. Hopefully, Eddie, too, eventually. He seems to be a good guy, and he’s my partner for heavy rescue now. But he’s only been there for two shifts, so we’ll see.”

“My baby brother helped deliver a baby?” Maddie asked wide-eyed.

“Not such a baby brother anymore,” Buck complained good-naturally.

“You’ll always be my baby brother,” Maddie said haughtily. “I remember changing your diapers. I remember you peeing on me twice during that! You won’t ever get rid of that title.”

Buck chuckled. “I guess I can live with it. But it’s good that you were accepted to dispatch, isn’t it?”

Maddie lowered her gaze. “I guess. It … gives me a job, at least. But still. Whose place did I take, who had already been accepted and got pushed back to the next class instead?”

“From what I hear, dispatch classes aren’t often at full capacity,” Buck said. “And there is a pretty big turnover among dispatchers. For some people, it’s a difficult job. I … Did you hear about the plane crash earlier in the year?”

Maddie nodded slowly. “Don’t tell me you responded to that.”

“I did,” Buck said with a sad smile. “It was devastating. But we also successfully pulled out a mother and her son. The mom was stuck, she had already given up on getting out before the plane sank. Pulling her out broke both her legs and dislocated a hip, but we got her out and back to her son. So it wasn’t all bad. Anyway, I knew a dispatcher at the time, and she’s left since then. Not because of this, but still. She got a call from one of the passengers while the plane was going down. He wanted to leave a goodbye message for his pregnant wife and their unborn child, and he knew calls to dispatch would be recorded. The dispatcher told me the wife came in later and listened to the call. I checked for dispatch if he was … I found him in the black tent. He didn’t make it.”

“You never get fully used to losing people,” Maddie said quietly.

“I hope I’ll eventually get a little used to it,” Buck murmured. “Though it was easier after the plane crash than it was the first time I lost someone. I didn’t know anyone’s names there. Or remember their faces.”

Their conversation was interrupted when their food was brought to the table, and Buck was grateful for that. He didn’t know how they had gotten to the sad topic of losing people, but he wanted to move on from it. It was part of his job; he had accepted that at some point after Devon, after the plane crash. But he tried not to linger on it when he wasn’t on shift.

“So, you have a job lined up now,” Buck said. “That means we’re going to have to look for an apartment for you next.”

Maddie chuckled. “I have to get through the class first.”

“You really want to stay at my place another three weeks or longer?” Buck asked with raised brows. They had already gotten in each other’s way the previous morning for the bathroom and then again in the kitchen.

“Fair,” Maddie agreed with a lopsided grin. “So, you seem to have some trauma attached to searching for an apartment.”

“It was just so annoying!” Buck complained, and fell into a rant about everything that had gone wrong while Karen and he had searched for an apartment for Buck while he devoured his pancakes.

“It’s been a long time since I looked for a new place to live, too,” Maddie said. “I’m grateful your experience is so much more recent than mine. And we’ll be able to take some options right off the list if you already looked at them.”

Buck grinned and nodded. He wondered if she had ever looked for an apartment of her own. He knew she had moved from their parents’ house to a dorm room at college, but he didn’t remember if Doug and Maddie had moved into a shared place right away when they had moved to Boston. But that was probably the case, which meant Maddie had never lived in a place of her own before.

“I mentioned Tanika earlier, right?” Buck said slowly, watching Maddie carefully through his lashes while pretending he was staring at his nearly empty plate. “Her sister works for an organization that helps women … in your situation.”

“I don’t have a situation,” Maddie said coldly.

“You left Doug because he abused you,” Buck said quietly. “And he might follow you, right?”

Maddie froze for a moment, then she shook her head. “He won’t bother to follow me. I’m not that kind of victim, Evan. I got away all on my own. I don’t need that kind of support and handholding! And I don’t appreciate that you’re going around telling your coworkers things about me that are none of their business. They’re really none of your business either.”

“There is nothing wrong with accepting help, Maddie,” Buck whispered.

“I don’t need that kind of help,” Maddie said in a clipped tone. “And you’re one to talk about accepting help after you spent years running away across the country, jumping from one job to the next.”

Buck frowned. “I’ve accepted help. I asked Karen for help finding the apartment. And I found a therapist to help me deal with some of the things I see on the job.”

Maddie blanched. “You go to therapy?”

Buck shrugged. “Yeah, sure. For a couple of months now. The first time I lost someone on the job threw me pretty badly.”

He paused, wondering if he should tell her about Dr. Wells. The investigation into her was still ongoing, but everything he knew about it pointed in the direction of a trial eventually. A trial where he would most likely have to take the stand as a witness and one of the victims. He was honestly glad for every month that passed without progress, because it meant one more month he could avoid thinking too much about it.

He would tell Maddie about it when a trial date was set, Buck decided. She was dealing with enough already and didn’t need to worry about him. There was nothing to worry about, after all.

“Maybe this job isn’t for you if that’s the kind of help you need,” Maddie said with a frown.

Buck shook his head and smiled reassuringly. “Therapy is actually pretty good and helpful. It’s practically paying someone to listen to you complain about whatever you want to complain about, and you don’t need to hold back anything!”

“It’s nonsense,” Maddie said. “It’s for people who’re mentally ill and who need help to navigate a normal life. Or as normal a life as they can get.”

“It’s for talking through things that bother you,” Buck countered. “Talking through the grief of losing someone. Talking through things that make you feel angry because you feel they’re unfair, even though, maybe looking at it objectively, it’s not really all that unfair. It’s often difficult. And I haven’t been doing it for long, but I still already feel it helping.”

“Helping with what?” Maddie asked, and she seemed honestly confused.

Buck shrugged. “With not feeling so sad about Devon, who could’ve just grabbed my hand, and I would’ve pulled him up, would’ve saved his life. Instead, he let go and chose death. Helping with not feeling so lost anymore about my sister cutting contact with me.”

Maddie flinched.

“Helping with accepting that whatever problem our parents had with me, it’s really not my fault they couldn’t love me.”

“Of course Mom and Dad love you!” Maddie protested and pointed a finger at Buck. “See? That’s exactly what I mean. All therapy does is put strange and just wrong ideas in your head.”

“I haven’t talked to our parents for a single time since the third week after I left Hershey, Maddie,” Buck said patiently. “I did try to call a couple of times right in the beginning. All I got from them was that they told me they wouldn’t give me money to support my foolishness and then hung up on me. I hadn’t asked for money a single time when I called, by the way. So I gave up calling them. And I never sent them postcards the way I did with you. I kept my old number from Pennsylvania, so you could reach me. They haven’t called me once in all these years. Not even a text for my birthday or any holidays.”

Maddie lowered her gaze, and Buck could see her chin wobbling.

Buck sighed. “Just think about asking for help, okay?”

Maddie shook her head. “I don’t need help. I left Doug, so that part of my life is behind me now.”

Buck watched her carefully but gave up on arguing. He’d bring it up again later. Maybe if he mentioned it often enough, she’d finally relent. But she had always been stubborn, and Buck had never been able his whole life to convince her of anything when they’d had an argument.

***

Every other month, someone from the 118 A-shift with enough space at their home hosted a get-together for the whole shift and some people who had left over the years. Roughly half the people working on A-shift had the room to host those parties, and Tanika had hosted twice since Buck had joined the 118.

So he was familiar with the house he had pulled up in front of. Though this time he wasn’t here for any kind of party. Maddie might have told him she didn’t need any help, but Buck was much less confident. He felt completely out of his depth with Maddie and just wanted to know how he could help her. So Tanika had suggested introducing him to her sister.

Buck just hoped it wouldn’t come back to bite him in the ass once Maddie learned he had talked to Tanika’s sister after all. She had already been so angry about him talking with Tanika. But Buck told himself that this wasn’t really about Maddie, it was more like doing general research about what Buck could and should or shouldn’t do to help her. Or help anyone in her situation

“We aren’t going to bite, Buck,” Tanika said with a smile when he finally got out of the car. She stood in front of the door to her house and had been watching him since he had pulled up.

“I know that about you,” Buck said with startled laughter. “But according to your stories, and from what Tommy said, your sister might!”

Tanika laughed. “You aren’t the kind of guy who has to worry about my sister’s wrath. How is your sister?”

Buck made a face and shrugged. “I don’t know.”

Tanika nodded and grabbed his arm for a moment, squeezing reassuringly. “She’s made the first step. Most of the time, that’s the most difficult one, okay?”

Buck nodded.

Tanika led him into the house and to the dining room, where another woman, a little older than Tanika, was waiting. She stood from the table and came around it to hold out her hand.

“Hi, I’m Imani Cole. It’s nice to meet you,” she said with a warm smile. “I might have heard a number of stories about your probie year.”

Buck chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck while shaking Imani’s hand. “Evan Buckley, but call me Buck. Can I convince you not to listen to anything Tanika has told you?”

Imani laughed. “I trust my sister. So, no chance at all. But there’s really nothing in those stories you need to worry about.” She pointed at the table. “Let’s sit and you can tell me about your sister and her husband. Tanika has only said that you needed advice.”

Buck sighed deeply as he sat down. “I’m at a loss, honestly. I offered to get her in contact with you through Tanika. And Maddie told me off for spreading rumors about her to my colleagues.”

Imani hummed. “That is not an uncommon reaction. I know you aren’t originally from LA. Did you move here to be near your sister?”

“No,” Buck shook his head. “Maddie and Doug live in Hershey. Or, lived, in Maddie’s case. She’s accepted a job offer here and agreed to look at apartments. I don’t think she plans to ever go back. I think, originally, she had planned to just move on regularly, every couple of days. Though now she claims he wouldn’t follow her.”

“Does Doug know she is here?” Imani asked.

Buck winced. “I’m pretty sure she didn’t tell him. I think she left when he wasn’t there. But it’s not exactly difficult to find me because I was on the news last year. I don’t know if he expects her to come to me or not, though. She hadn’t answered any of my phone calls in three years.”

“But she knew your address here?” Imani asked.

“I sent postcards to her work,” Buck said. “Not to her home because I was convinced he’d destroy them. Not … not because I thought … or was aware of … or even just suspected. But we clashed from the beginning. I mostly did it to be petty, honestly.”

Imani smiled reassuringly while Tanika placed a cup of coffee in front of each of them. “Your sister is a lot older than you, isn’t she?”

Buck threw a quick look at Tanika, who just shrugged. “You didn’t mention the age difference. But you mentioned once she’d take you places once she had a driver’s license while you were in second grade or something.”

Buck chuckled. “Yeah, that was great. That stopped pretty quickly after she met Doug, though. That was halfway through her first year in college, I think? I’m not sure. I think it took some time before she mentioned him. And then they moved to Boston when I was twelve, and there was barely any contact for four years. They married while they were in Boston. My parents refused to attend, so I couldn’t go either.”

Imani exhaled slowly. “Okay. Was your relationship with your parents always bad?”

“Yeah, pretty much.” Buck shrugged. “I mean, Maddie will tell you otherwise. Bad parents but good people, and all that shit. But what kind of good people let their teenage daughter do all the heavy lifting of raising their son?”

Imani made a face.

“Yeah, exactly,” Buck said darkly. “She won’t even admit that. Let alone anything that happened with Doug. She claimed when she arrived here that in the last year ‘the things I had noticed as a child’ had gotten worse. But I’ve been thinking about those years before I left Hershey. I didn’t notice it then, but I’m pretty sure he was already hurting her. I wish…”

Imani reached over the table and grabbed his wrist. “Stop, Buck.”

“What?”

Imani shook her head with a sad smile. “Don’t walk into the trap of ‘what-ifing’ the past. You can’t change anything that happened. The sad reality about domestic abuse is that the victims work just as hard on hiding the situation as the perpetrators do. There is a lot of shame involved for them. For your sister. And that shame sometimes turns into very irrational behavior.”

Buck bit his lip and stared at the table. “I told her I could introduce you to her. That you help women in her situation. She snapped at me that she doesn’t have a situation.”

“That’s not so unusual,” Imani said with a nod. “She got away from him. She might try to pretend even to herself that there is no danger anymore because she left.”

“But that’s not true,” Buck whispered.

“In most cases, there is still a lot of danger,” Imani agreed.

“So how do I help her when she won’t even admit that she needs help?” Buck asked. “I mean, she clearly needs a safe apartment. One that’s safer than mine.”

“You’ll need to be patient first of all,” Imani said and watched him with a frown. “She might never open up to you about what she went through. That’s a very difficult step in therapy, where she would be talking to a professional. You should not expect her to have a very difficult conversation with you if she doesn’t start that conversation herself. What is wrong with your apartment?”

“Maddie will never go to therapy,” Buck said darkly. “And there shouldn’t be anything wrong with my apartment. I thought it was a perfectly nice apartment. Until I came home one day to find my sister inside said apartment after I hadn’t heard from her in three years and hadn’t even sent her my new address because she knew the fire station I work at. Apparently, someone from the building management let her in, even though when I moved in, I told them I had a problem with a couple of women stalking me.”

Imani closed her mouth, teeth clicking together loudly. “Every time you say something, there are three new things I feel I need to ask about. But yes, you need a new apartment. That’s clearly not a place that’s safe for either of you.”

“Maddie first,” Buck said. “Tanika said you might be able to give me some recommendations for apartments for Maddie. And don’t worry about the women stalking me; that situation is mostly dealt with. You can get the whole torrid story from Tanika later.”

Imani turned to her sister. “I will demand that story, just so you know!”

Tanika shrugged with a wry grin. “Yeah, sure. As long as Buck is okay with it. I’ve honestly been burning to talk about it with you, but … it’s Buck’s story, so I didn’t.”

“I have a list of apartments where the security is good without costing a whole paycheck to rent. There are some where you have a doorman, and no one is let in who isn’t approved. Especially not if the security company knows someone’s name and face who they shouldn’t ever let in, even as a guest of another tenant.”

Buck nodded. “That sounds exactly like something Maddie needs.”

“Next, you said you don’t think your sister will be open to therapy?” Imani asked.

Buck shook his head slowly. “No. I told her that I’m going to therapy. And her reaction was crystal clear. She thinks therapy is for weak people who can’t manage their lives on their own. And she believes therapy is putting wrong ideas in my head.”

“Wrong ideas?” Imani asked skeptically.

“It was about our parents,” Buck said. “I made an offhand comment that they could never be bothered to even pretend to love me. Which is true. And she claimed my therapist had told me that lie, as if I don’t remember how our parents never took care of me.”

Imani smiled sadly. “So, that is another part of the road your sister might struggle with. There is not one universal experience for any and all survivors, of course. But therapy is always a helpful tool in my experience. Of course, a lot of survivors have a difficult time opening up that way. Your sister isn’t unique in this. You need to be patient most of all and be prepared that she might lash out at times. Though that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t hold firm to your boundaries.”

“I don’t think I ever had boundaries with Maddie,” Buck murmured and lowered his gaze.

“Then you need to decide what your boundaries are now,” Imani said. “And stick to them. How did you deal with her breaking into your apartment?”

Buck frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Did you have a conversation with her about it?” Imani asked.

Buck shrugged. “Not really. I mean, I think I got her to understand why it wasn’t great that this guy just let her into my apartment.”

“So, you were okay with her being in your home without your knowledge?” Imani asked carefully.

“I’m glad she was there, period,” Buck said. “But … No, I get what you mean. I think she’s learned that lesson, though. I came home with my boyfriend from a date, and we were … very enthusiastic. I’m pretty sure Maddie learned her lesson about being unannounced in my place.”

“Okay.” Imani nodded slowly. “I’d like to talk with you about your boundaries and how to maintain them. Because you won’t help her if you let her walk all over you. She’ll have learned some behavior to help her cope and to help her hide her situation from everyone in her life. That’s behavior she needs to unlearn now.”

“And you think it’ll help her if I set boundaries?” Buck asked.

“Yes. It will especially help you build a healthy, adult relationship with her, one you won’t have to rebuild once she is settled down more in a life free from her husband.”

Buck nodded. “Okay.”

***

“No one tells Buck how badly we lost today!” Sal demanded as another round of beer was delivered to their table. “The last thing we need is for him to think he’s responsible for our winning streak! That’s broken now, by the way.”

Tarek glared at Sal, but it was ruined by his laughter. “So, you want to pretend I’m at fault for the team coming in last tonight?”

“That’s clearly the truth!” Sal said.

Tommy patted Sal’s back and shook his head. “You just don’t want to admit that you miss Evan after all.”

Tanika laughed. “Honestly, I think we did so badly tonight because someone couldn’t stop moping and pulled the rest of us down with him.”

“Yes!” Tarek agreed hurriedly.

“You just want an excuse that our loss isn’t your fault!” Tommy complained. “I haven’t been moping!”

“You’d think the two of you broke up or something!” Sal said with raised brows.

Tommy made a face. “I just realized how uncomfortable it’s become to sleep without Evan beside me. Which is ridiculous! It’s only been six months!”

“And when is the last time before his sister showed up that you slept separately?” Tanika asked with raised brows.

“Every time one of us is on shift,” Tommy said, deadpan.

“So, basically, you don’t remember,” Tarek said, amused.

Tanika snickered. “But you don’t understand, guys! You have to spend all your time with your boyfriend, otherwise it’s not enough! Spending any less time with him than every single second off-shift is a sacrifice you can’t expect from anyone!”

Tommy groaned and sank down in his seat. “I hate you all.”

“You love us,” Tanika said, still laughing.

“We aren’t that bad!” Tommy complained. “We do plenty of things on our own. We have hobbies we don’t share!”

Sal huffed. “Who are you trying to convince of that lie? You’ve been glued together at the hip. I’m surprised your boy got an apartment of his own at all. Seems to be useless when he could’ve just moved in with you.”

“He wants his own space, and I understand that,” Tommy said, though he had wondered the same thing at times. They even joked pretty regularly about Evan just moving in with Tommy. On the other hand, their relationship was still very new, so it was probably for the best that it remained a running gag for now. “Good thing with Maddie showing up here now anyway.”

Tanika sighed deeply. “Yeah, that’s true.”

“Why isn’t he just staying with you and letting his sister have his apartment?” Sal asked. “And he could’ve come tonight. I mean, she’s here to stay, yeah? No reason to spend all his time with her.”

Tanika huffed. “His sister’s husband is the kind of man my sister likes to hunt for sport so she can drag them through court for the rest of their lives.”

Sal made a face. “Oh. Fuck, okay. Is he going to follow her?”

“Evan doesn’t want to leave her alone overnight in the apartment,” Tommy said. “For good reason. And it’s probably for the best if we assume he’ll follow her. Better to be cautious than unprepared.”

Tanika pulled out her phone and opened a picture. Tommy was surprised she had it saved on the phone and didn’t just navigate to the “Meet Our Doctors” page at the hospital Doug worked at. She turned the phone to Sal.

“This is Doug Kendall, asshole extraordinaire,” Tanika said. “It’s maybe far-fetched to expect him to get anywhere near you, but just in case.”

“Send me that, please?” Sal asked with a frown. Then he turned to Tommy. “You have a guest room ready now. I know that for a fact because you had me and Evan assemble the fucking guest bed together for some reason.”

“You have to get used to him being around eventually,” Tommy said with a grin and took a drink of his beer. “Seemed like a good opportunity to move that process along.”

It had worked, too, even though Sal would never admit it. Sal was slowly getting over the fact that Evan was Bobby Nash’s probie, and maybe that would even finally help him to let go of his grudge against Bobby. If there was anyone who could talk someone around concerning Bobby, it would be Evan.

Sal huffed and glared at him. “Not the point. Why isn’t she staying in your guest room? It’d probably be harder for the asshole to track down. And I’ve seen Buck’s apartment. Where the hell does he even sleep if she has his bed? His place is tiny.”

“An air mattress in front of the sofa,” Tommy said. “The coffee table is in my guest room at the moment, so there’d be enough space for the air mattress in Evan’s living room. It’s far from an ideal solution. And they’re not staying at my place because she’s scared of me. She doesn’t even want to meet me for breakfast or coffee.”

Tarek shook his head. “She’s only been here for two weeks, Tommy. Maybe give her some time.”

“And she is going through a lot,” Tanika added.

“I know all that,” Tommy said grumpily. “Doesn’t change that Evan wants me to meet her and brings it up regularly. I’m all for giving her all the time she needs. He is excited she is back in his life, and I think he has a difficult time sometimes balancing that excitement with his worry for her.”

“Sounds like you need to be the voice of reason a little bit,” Tarek said.

Tommy sighed. “Yes, I know. And I’m trying. But it’s really … He struggled a lot about the fact that she had completely cut him out of her life. And now he is additionally battling misplaced guilt over not seeing her situation.”

“Imani gave him some pointers on where to get support for all this,” Tanika said. “There are support groups for relatives. I can get you the information, too.”

Tommy nodded with a hesitant smile. “That would be great. The thing is, I don’t … trust her to stay. From what Evan says about it, she isn’t sure yet about staying despite finding a job pretty easily.”

“Bobby pulled some strings there,” Tanika said.

“Really?” Tarek and Sal asked at the same time.

Tanika nodded. “Buck mentioned in passing that Maddie had applied for a place at dispatch. So, Bobby called around and let people know that she came with personal recommendations. I mean, he didn’t ask for any favors, but he made sure the right people knew her name and that she had a connection to the first responders in town already.”

“Maybe the guy can be useful for something,” Sal muttered into his beer, and Tommy rolled his eyes at his friend.

“It will break Evan’s heart if she leaves again,” Tommy said with a sigh.

“Don’t borrow trouble,” Tanika said with a frown. “She is here now. She is taking a lot of steps to settle down here. As long as that’s the case, that’s the important part.”

Chapter 05

“Maybe I should stay for the first night,” Buck said with a frown as he looked around Maddie’s new apartment.

The place was a little bigger than his, but not by much. It was a good apartment that came furnished, so moving for Maddie was a lot less hassle than it had been for Buck.

Maddie laughed. “Evan, I got this apartment so we both would have some privacy again. You spending the night doesn’t help with that.”

Buck nodded with a frown. Moving Maddie into her new apartment had been much faster and easier than he had expected once they had found a place she liked. It was in one of the apartment buildings from Imani’s list, and Buck was the most relieved about a security person sitting down in the lobby 24/7. The biggest hurdle had been the price of the apartment, but Buck had managed to argue that, of course, apartments in LA were more expensive than in Hershey. He had also promised to help her if money got tight, though Maddie hadn’t been happy about that offer at all despite accepting it eventually.

“I’ll be fine,” Maddie promised.

Buck dragged his fingers through his hair. “I know. I’m sorry. I’m just worried.”

“There is no reason to be worried about me,” Maddie said. “And didn’t you say you were going somewhere with a friend today? Don’t be late!”

Buck grinned. “Yeah. I convinced Bobby to go to this surfing event with me. You can’t live in LA and have no idea at all about surfing. I’ll get him on a board eventually.”

“I’m exempt from that rule, right?” Maddie asked wide-eyed.

Buck raised his brows. “For now.”

He wasn’t really taking Bobby to a surfing event. There was a temporary food truck food court set up near the beach for the duration of the event. They would check out what was on offer and probably take samples from several of the trucks for inspiration to decide what they’d attempt to recreate over the next few months when they were on shift. But teasing Maddie about eventually prodding her to take surfing lessons was much more fun than explaining that.

“Go!” Maddie said, shaking her head with a grin. “I’m fine here. I’m looking forward to finally having an evening to myself without fear of stumbling over your air mattress the moment I leave the bedroom!”

“We’ll meet tomorrow after your class?” Buck asked and let himself be pushed to the door.

“Yes,” Maddie said, sounding a little exasperated now.

Buck sighed and hugged her when they reached the door. “I love you, sis.”

“Love you, too. Now go have fun embarrassing your captain,” Maddie said and pushed him out of the door. “But don’t do it so much he fires you!”

Buck kept worrying about Maddie all the way to the beach, where Bobby was already waiting for him a short walk from the surfing event. They wanted to avoid the chaos of parking anywhere near the crowds the event was drawing.

“You okay?” Bobby asked, clearly seeing through Buck’s attempts to appear as relaxed as he could.

Buck sighed. “Maddie moved into her own apartment today. I don’t know how to feel about it.”

“No more nights on an air mattress anymore,” Bobby said with raised brows. “Sounds like an improvement after the past two weeks of constant complaining about that.”

“I know,” Buck said, rolling his eyes. “This is good, right? But … half the reason I kept sleeping in the apartment with her was that I didn’t want her to just disappear on me again.”

“She got her own apartment,” Bobby said. “That’s commitment, Buck. She is also working hard to get a job.”

“Working hard, huh?” Buck asked with raised brows.

Bobby shrugged. “I might have gotten a call to thank me for the recommendation. I didn’t intend to pressure anyone, but I got the feeling they might have thought I was trying to give someone a little lazy a chance.”

“That’s what you get for trying to pull strings. But still, thank you.” Buck sighed. Maddie had shared good things about her classes, but now he worried that maybe she had struggled if any of the instructors had a negative preconceptions about her. “You’re right. I don’t know what to do so that I stop expecting her to vanish at any moment.”

“There is nothing you can do but be patient. Eventually, you’ll learn to trust the situation. How’s Maddie dealing with everything? Any nerves about being alone in the apartment?”

“I don’t know,” Buck admitted. “She pretends nothing is wrong. But I see the fear in her eyes sometimes, you know? And there are habits that … show pretty clearly what kind of bad reaction she expects in response to anything she perceives as a mistake. It will be easier for her to hide that now that we aren’t sharing an apartment anymore.”

“That might be good,” Bobby said. “You can’t control her, Buck.”

“That’s not…” Buck frowned, feeling irrationally irritated by what he felt was an unfounded accusation.

“That’s not what you want,” Bobby agreed and placed a hand on Buck’s shoulder, squeezing lightly. “I think it’s a good thing you can get some distance between yourself and your sister. She is settling down here, focus on that.”

“If I could, I’d just carry all her problems for her,” Buck said quietly. “But I know it’s not that easy.”

“You met Tanika’s sister, right?” Bobby asked.

Buck nodded. “Yeah. And I got some information from her about places where I can get support. She was pretty focused on that part because without Maddie talking to her, she couldn’t do much.”

“I’m here for you, too, if you need to talk,” Bobby said. “And I’m sure Tommy is happy to listen to anything, too.”

“He is,” Buck said with a smile. “He has been great these past two weeks. I’ve canceled so many plans since Maddie came here, and he hasn’t complained once.”

“Did you expect him to?” Bobby asked with a frown.

“No.” Buck shook his head. “Not really. I’d like to complain about how little time we’ve spent together. But I know it’s all my fault. Because I couldn’t deal with the idea of Maddie spending a night alone in my apartment. Even the nights I was on shift were already really difficult there. I miss sleeping beside Tommy.”

If Buck was honest, the best thing about Maddie moving into her own apartment wasn’t that he was freed from the air mattress. It was that tonight he would be able to fall asleep beside Tommy again, that he would wake up curled against his boyfriend in the morning. That was mainly why he had kept complaining about the air mattress: it hadn’t really been that uncomfortable, it had just been exceedingly lonely. But Buck wasn’t ready to admit that to anyone.

Bobby laughed. “Noted. I won’t keep you too long today, so you can go home to your boyfriend, whom you’ve only seen for a couple of hours a day while off shift, instead of every hour of every day you were off for the unbearably long time of two weeks.”

“I don’t know if I still like you,” Buck muttered and glared at Bobby.

“Am I wrong?” Bobby asked, still grinning.

“We aren’t that bad.”

“Nothing bad about being in love,” Bobby said.

“We have hobbies we do separately, you know?” Buck said with a pout. “Like, Tommy goes to basketball without me most of the time. Not much fun just sitting on the sidelines for two hours after all. And you and I explore LA all the time without Tommy!”

Bobby patted Buck on the back. “Okay, I stand corrected. So, do you and Tommy have any big plans for tonight?”

Buck rolled his eyes. “No. But mostly because we weren’t sure if Maddie could move into the apartment today or if she’d have to wait a couple more days. We haven’t had a proper date night in two weeks, either. And the last one was very rudely cut short.”

“At least that’s something to hold over your sister’s head if you need some kind of teasing leverage,” Bobby said.

“I wish.” Buck frowned and shook his head. “I’m not sure she liked Tommy very much. Her reaction that night isn’t exactly something I want to think too much about.”

“What do you mean?” Bobby asked.

Buck sighed. “Now you’re gonna make me think about it, huh?”

“If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay. But you can talk about it, Buck. That your sister is back in your life is great. That doesn’t mean you have to just accept whatever she does or says. Or that you can’t be hurt by the way she cut you out of her life.”

“Even if it was her husband who made that decision for her?”

Bobby huffed. “Especially if it was her husband who made that decision for her. She was in a shit situation. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be hurt by how that affected your relationship with her. And that you won’t eventually have to work through how it affected you both. I’m sure Tanika’s sister told you the same.”

“She did,” Buck agreed. “Still feels wrong to be angry at her.”

“What makes you angry about that first night?” Bobby asked. “Aside from the obvious about her being in your apartment without your knowledge.”

“I’m not angry with her for that, just a little uncomfortable about how Tommy and I came home,” Buck said with a frown. “I’m pissed at the guy from building management for that, though.”

Bobby hummed. “Is there a reason you’re avoiding answering my question?”

Buck closed his eyes and stopped walking just at the edge of the foot court. “She said some things about how I’m not attracted to men. And I think it was just because she was surprised. And maybe a little afraid after being confronted with a strange man. But I’m not sure, and I don’t know how to bring it up with her. I … I don’t think she is homophobic. I don’t remember anything that points to that. And I do remember how our parents talked about the lesbian couple that moved into the house down the street just after Maddie and Doug left for Boston. The street bullied them until they moved away less than a year later, and my parents were right there with the neighbors for that. So, I think I’d remember if Maddie had a bad opinion there. But what if it just never came up, and she does have a problem with my sexuality, after all?”

“Then it’s better you find that out sooner rather than later,” Bobby said. “You can’t avoid all conflict with her forever, Buck. Tommy is going to stay part of your life, right?”

“Of course!”

Bobby nodded. “Then, if Maddie has a problem with you dating a man, she needs to figure out how to get over that. And she needs to know that she has to figure out how to get over it, because you won’t stop dating Tommy for her. But if that’s not the problem, and she was and is just overwhelmed with the whole situation and reacted badly to the thing she expected the least, then you need to know that so that you don’t start resenting her.”

Buck rubbed a hand through his hair. “Yeah, right. You’re right. I know that. But I … I just don’t want to fight with her, Bobby. Not as long as I have to fear she’ll just vanish because arguing with me spooked her.”

***

The next few weeks were a little calmer for Buck. With Maddie in her own apartment, Buck felt he could take some of his own routine back—and there were many more things besides spending his nights with Tommy that he hadn’t even noticed he had stopped doing since Maddie came to LA. Some of them were little things, like going for groceries at his preferred time and getting his preferred brands instead of Maddie’s. Others were a little bigger, like going to trivia nights with Tanika, Sal, and Tommy again.

From everything Buck heard, Maddie thrived in her classes. He was relieved about that, because with every passing day, it convinced him a little more that maybe Maddie would really stay in LA. Talking about her classes also made Maddie smile in a way Buck hadn’t seen since around the time she and Doug had left for Boston, though recognizing that also made him feel even more guilty about not noticing anything amiss much, much sooner.

Then Maddie’s first day at dispatch came while Buck was on shift, too, and brought a 7.2 earthquake that left LA in chaos.

Buck barely had time to think about his sister while he climbed through a hotel that might collapse completely at any moment. It was the first time since Eddie had started at the 118 that he really had to put his life in Eddie’s hands, and that he himself quite literally held Eddie’s life in his hands when an aftershock sent Eddie and the woman they were rescuing nearly toppling out of a shattered window. It was an experience Buck hoped he wouldn’t have to repeat any time soon.

They couldn’t save everyone, and Buck was relieved that the lesson didn’t seem to hit Eddie as hard as it had hit him. Here, the people they couldn’t save were nameless and often even faceless to them. It made it easier in a way, but Buck figured Eddie’s experience with the army also made it easier for him to compartmentalize. The only loss that really hit hard and would stay with all of them for a while was the firefighter from the 221 they lost when the underground parking garage collapsed in an aftershock and swallowed several people, including Hen.

Everyone in the engine was quiet when they arrived back at the 118. Hen had gone to the hospital to get checked out, and everyone was exhausted in a way that went far beyond the physical. Bobby had already informed them that they would be heading home as soon as they had changed, and that C-shift, who were in theory on the second of their four days off, would take over for them for the rest of the night because Battalion Chief Williams decided everyone who worked the collapsing hotel needed a break.

When Buck jumped out of the engine, he didn’t expect to see Tommy sitting between the vehicle bay and their workout area. He waved at Buck with a wry smile, his right arm in some kind of brace.

“What did you do?” Buck asked with a worried frown as he hurried over to his boyfriend.

“I heard you have been taken off shift for the rest of the night and that you might need a lift,” Tommy said.

“That is not an answer to my question,” Buck said and pointed at Tommy’s arm. “What happened?”

Tommy shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck with a sheepish grin. “I was in an unlucky spot when the earthquake hit. Got the arm trapped under the seat of the bird while cleaning it, my feet slipped, and the rest of me fell out of the bird.”

Buck inhaled deeply and forced himself to relax. When he wasn’t as high-strung from the day he’d probably find the same kind of amusement in that as Tommy clearly did.

“Sprained my wrist, but it’s going to be fine in a week or so. Cap still grounded me. Wouldn’t even let me stay for light duty, so I helped out in the neighborhood with cleanup.”

Buck huffed and sat down beside Tommy, glaring at the wrist with the brace and stomping down on the urge to inspect the injury. “Why is it that I didn’t hear any gossip about this before now? When you somehow hear gossip about me all the time?”

“Probably the timing.” Tommy laughed. “Everyone was a bit busy for gossip today.”

“Good to see you, Tommy,” Bobby said and stopped beside Buck with a bemused smile. “Helping out with cleanup in the neighborhood is probably not what your doctor recommended.”

Tommy just shrugged. “They gave me the brace so I could use the arm, didn’t they? Are all of you okay?”

He eyed Buck in a way that told him Tommy was asking more about him than anyone else. Buck ignored that implication and leaned his shoulder against his boyfriend, feeling the exhaustion of the day hit now that the adrenaline was wearing off. “Hen is on the way to the hospital to get checked out. But she should be okay. Scared us a hell of a lot, but by some miracle she managed to mostly find her way out of being buried alive on her own while rescuing a little girl and a puppy.”

Tommy watched him with raised brows. “I also heard you were hanging out of a toppling over skyscraper at one point.”

Buck frowned and turned a glare at Tanika, who just raised her hands with a grin and shook her head. “Wasn’t me!” Buck wasn’t sure if he believed her, because Hen was probably not in any condition to think about gossiping with Tommy at the moment. He’d be surprised if she did anything except call Karen after the scare earlier.

Eddie laughed. “Technically, I was the one nearly falling out of that window. But Buck was at the other end of my line and saved me from falling a lot further. I’m Eddie Diaz, by the way.”

“Tommy Kinard. I’ve already heard a lot about you,” Tommy said with a smile but still eyed Eddie skeptically. “Great to finally meet you. Are you okay?”

“I am,” Eddie said with a nod. “Better than you, clearly. I’ve heard a lot, too. Good to put a face to the name.”

Bobby clapped Buck’s shoulder. “Get changed, guys, and then get out of here. We’ve all earned the early end of shift.”

“You need a lift, too, Diaz?” Tommy asked. “I was told the second car that’s blocked in is yours.”

“Who told you any of that?” Buck asked with a petulant whine.

Bobby turned on his heels, but that didn’t hide his laughter.

“Bobby?” Buck called after him, but Bobby just waved a hand and hurried up the stairs to the loft.

Eddie rubbed a hand down his face. “Right, I forgot about that.”

“Did anyone pick Chris up from school already?” Buck asked, alarmed.

Eddie shook his head.

“We can pick up your son and drop you off at your place before going home,” Tommy said. “You two need to get changed first, though.”

Buck stood with a groan. He was really starting to feel his body aching from the day. “I’m going to drive, Mr. Sprained-Wrist!”

***

In the end, Evan didn’t win the argument about driving, and he complained under his breath about it until they arrived at Chris’ school. Then he was distracted from complaining about his stubborn boyfriend—Evan’s words!—when Chris asked their opinion whether dogs knew they were dogs, and Evan immediately fell into the kind of philosophical discussion one could only have with a child. Tommy couldn’t restrain his fond grin for even a moment, and it only grew when he watched Eddie’s confusion at the easy way Evan interacted with his son.

Driving the Diazes home ended with Tommy and Evan getting an invitation to stay for dinner and then a beer. They ended up sitting on Eddie’s couch with Evan quietly asking for some more details about how Tommy had gotten hurt—he didn’t seem to sympathize too much with Tommy for the way the earthquake had practically made him fall out of his own helicopter—while Eddie helped Chris through his nighttime routine.

“Thank you,” Eddie said quietly when he eventually joined them and fell into the other couch with a tired groan. “Not sure how I’d have gotten Chris home without your help.”

“His mom not around?” Tommy asked hesitantly.

Eddie huffed and took a big drink of his beer. “Haven’t heard a single word from her in two years. It’s complicated. I’ve got family here. My grandma, my aunt. A lot of cousins. One of them would’ve picked me up. But it would’ve taken at least another hour or so.”

“Is your family why you moved here?” Evan asked, and Tommy was a little surprised that the question hadn’t come up already in the weeks Eddie had been at the 118.

“We needed a change of scenery,” Eddie murmured and shrugged. “The academy here accepted my application. LA was my first choice because of the family I have here, but I’d gone somewhere different if I had gotten a job elsewhere.”

“I’m glad you came here,” Evan said. “You’re a good addition to our shift.”

Tommy huffed. “I don’t know. First, you two blow up Hen’s ambulance. Now you nearly fall out of a building? I’m not so sure about this partnership.”

Evan laughed and poked Tommy with his elbow. “Don’t be mean.”

Eddie grinned wryly. “I really hope things will calm down. I was told the 118 is cursed and dismissed it. But maybe they were right.”

“Who told you that?” Evan asked with a frown.

Eddie shrugged. “People. But jokes aside, it’s a pretty good team despite that first shift. And it’s a good commute home. Not so much to Chris’ school, but that’s not the only disappointing thing about the school.”

“You aren’t happy with it?” Tommy asked.

“They pulled through pretty great today, I have to admit. On paper, it’s a great school. Perfect even.” Eddie sighed. “And that was mostly what I had to go on, right? I had to have so many things ready before moving Chris here. School, doctors, a place to live. Most of the things turned out pretty great. I’m so relieved about the specialist we have found here for Chris’ CP. The school isn’t perfect, but it’s going to work for now. Finding a new pediatrician is much more important because that guy is a shit show. Despite the good reviews online and even from a couple of my cousins’ friends.”

“When did you move to LA?” Evan asked.

“At the start of May, because that’s when the academy started for me,” Eddie said. “Wasn’t ideal for Chris, because I had to take him out of school in El Paso before the end of the year, and that late in the year here, no school would take him. Thankfully, one of my cousins homeschools her youngest, and she’s just a year older than Chris. And ever since then, it’s been pure chaos. But I’m so relieved we’re here. I’m sure things will calm down now that I’m on the job.”

“What’s the problem with the pediatrician?” Tommy asked. Then he made a face. “If you want to share. Sorry if that was too intrusive.”

“No, it’s okay.” Eddie shrugged. “The guy is convinced a single father is no good at raising a child. Especially not a disabled child. He’s been one big problem ever since he found out that I’m not divorced with shared custody, and that Chris’ mom isn’t in the picture at all, but I just haven’t had time to look into other doctors.”

“You haven’t heard from your wife in two years, but are still married?” Evan asked, surprised.

Eddie just shrugged and took another sip of his beer.

“You should talk with Tanika and Hen about the pediatrician,” Tommy said. “I’m sure they’ll be able to give you some recommendations. Hen’s son is just a little older than Chris. Tanika’s kids are a couple of years older.”

Eddie stared at his beer bottle for a while, then he nodded. “Yeah, probably a good idea. I’ve tried to figure it out by myself, but…” He shrugged.

“Asking for help is not a bad thing,” Evan said. “My sister won’t listen to that advice, but you can!”

***

Tommy was woken up by the sound of a strange doorbell ringing. It took him a moment to remember that they had gone to Evan’s apartment after the beer they had shared with Eddie. Tommy had barely managed to convince Evan to take a quick shower before he had face-planted into his bed, probably falling asleep before his head even hit his pillow. It had been a little more difficult for Tommy to fall asleep, mostly because he had come to regret not resting his wrist and the ache had kept him up, not that he would ever admit that to anyone.

“Too early,” Evan mumbled.

Tommy hummed. “You expecting anyone?”

There was a beat of silence, interrupted by the doorbell again. Then, Evan sat up abruptly. “Fuck! Maddie!”

Tommy chuckled and rubbed his face against the pillow while Evan jumped out of the bed and hurried out of the room. Their routine had shifted some over the past few weeks, with Evan making time for his sister wherever he could. Half of their breakfast dates had been canceled so that Evan could have breakfast with his sister instead. After she started her dispatch-training class only their weekend breakfasts had been cancelled, but now that she would be working her own shift schedule, Tommy suspected Evan would have breakfast with her whenever the two of them were off shift at the same time.

Tommy listened to the voices in the hallway while drifting back to sleep. He could grab some breakfast for himself later and figure out some ideas about what he and Evan could do in the afternoon. They had originally planned to go bouldering, but between the earthquake and his sprained wrist, that wasn’t happening anymore.

“Tommy?”

Tommy blinked and turned his head, wondering for a moment how long he had slept, but then he found Evan sitting on the bed beside him in just his sleep pants.

“Want to come get breakfast with Maddie and me?” Evan asked with a smile.

Tommy hesitated. He knew Maddie was avoiding him, and he really couldn’t fault her for that, even though Evan was unhappy about it. “What’d she say to that?” Tommy murmured sleepily.

“She seemed fine when I asked.”

Tommy stared at him a moment longer before he nodded. He wasn’t so sure if Maddie was really fine with it or if she just didn’t want to say no to her brother, but he figured he would find out which it was once he ventured out of the bedroom. “Okay. I need to shower first, I think.”

Evan beamed at him. “Great!”

He leaned over for a quick kiss before he grabbed some clothes and hurriedly got dressed. Tommy waited until Evan closed the door to the bedroom before he got out of bed and grabbed a change of clothes out of the drawer where he kept several days’ worth of underwear, pants, and shirts. He made sure that he wouldn’t run half naked into Maddie—Evan’s and her muffled voices were coming from behind the closed kitchen door when he peeked into the hallway—before he hurried into the bathroom. He took a little more time than he normally would to make himself presentable, in the hopes that maybe Maddie’s second impression of him would be a little better than her first.

“Ready to go?” Evan asked in barely contained excitement when Tommy finally knocked on the kitchen door.

“I’m starving,” Tommy said, truthfully.

“Same,” Maddie said and watched him with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. Her hands were wrapped tightly around a mug. “I hear I have you to thank that Evan has a whole collection of tea to offer.”

Tommy grinned at Evan. “So, you called me a tea snob again?”

“I would never!” Evan protested.

Maddie chuckled. “He didn’t use those exact words, but the sentiment was there.”

“All lies,” Evan muttered under his breath. Then he added louder, “Okay, let’s go have breakfast, because I’m starving, too!”

Tommy laughed quietly all the way out of the building. Then he turned a curious look at Maddie. “That was a hell of a day for your first shift.”

“You have no idea!” Maddie agreed and then launched into a tirade about being thrown into the deep end by the supervisor who had been assigned to train her.

That topic carried their conversation until they had all ordered breakfast at Evan and Tommy’s usual diner near Evan’s place. Maddie had a lot to say about how her first day at dispatch had gone, but through it all, it was clear that she very much enjoyed her new job. Tommy noticed his boyfriend’s relief at that throughout the conversation. Evan had been worried about Maddie settling down in LA ever since she had shown up, and Tommy was glad the job Buck had recommended seemed to work out for her.

At the same time, Evan kept downplaying his own misadventures after the earthquake, omitting nearly all the dangerous details about the hotel he had climbed through for hours and throughout several aftershocks. Tommy resolved to discuss later with Evan that Maddie was now sitting right at the source to learn how difficult that situation had really been.

All in all, the conversation flowed much easier than Tommy had expected. At least until Evan excused himself to the restroom, and then Maddie’s easy smile dropped instantly once Evan’s back was to her and they were alone at the table.

“I’m glad we finally got a chance for a proper introduction,” Tommy said, trying to ignore the sudden shift in her mood.

Maddie glowered, then rolled her eyes. “I’d have preferred it if you hadn’t hijacked my morning with my brother. I get to spend too little time with him as it is. I don’t need to be introduced to every single one of his flings.”

Tommy raised his brows. “Fling?”

“Don’t pretend this is anything else for either of you,” Maddie said. “Evan is just going through some phase. I can understand that, but it won’t last. As for you, Evan is clearly your midlife crisis.”

Tommy couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m not that much older than Evan!”

“You’re older than me.”

“Barely,” Tommy said.

Maddie huffed and once again rolled her eyes. “You can’t believe this is more than a fling. You aren’t the kind of person Evan can settle down and build a life with.”

“Because I’m a man?” Tommy challenged.

“See, you get it. Evan will want to build a proper family eventually.”

“Maybe you need to take the time to get to know your brother again before you make those claims,” Tommy said.

“He is my brother,” Maddie snapped. “I know who he is.”

“You haven’t seen him in years, practically for his entire adult life.” Tommy said softly. “And no matter the reason for that, it means you don’t know each other anymore. You aren’t the same woman you were seven years ago. Neither is Evan the teenager you last knew. There are many things Evan experienced that you have no idea about.”

“Oh, but you know everything about my brother?”

“I know a lot,” Tommy said. “And when it comes to the years of his adult life, I’m very confident I know more than you. But this isn’t a competition. I’m here to stay in Evan’s life. That’s the basis we’re both building our relationship on. I hope you’re here to stay, too, because he missed you terribly. That means we’ll have to figure out how to co-exist in his life even if you can’t stand me.”

Maddie smiled thinly. “No. You don’t know my brother at all if you think you’re here to stay.”

Tommy sighed and didn’t bother to reply until Evan returned a couple of minutes later. At least he knew what to expect from Maddie now, and he could only hope she’d eventually get over whatever problem she had with him for Evan’s sake.

 

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