Reading Time: 119 Minutes
Title: One Step Closer
Author: Duochanfan
Fandom: 9-1-1
Genre: Angst, Drama, Family, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Relationship(s): Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Maddie Buckley/Howard Han
Content Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Hate Crimes, Hate Speech, Violence-Graphic, Violence-Domestic, Violence-Against Children/Child Abuse, Bigotry, Mental Health Issues, Character Bashing, Talk of Attempted Suicide, Discussion of Rape, Attempted Murder, Stalking, Brainwashing
Author Note: Thanks to HarleyJQuin for all the help, the encouragement, and the push to keep going.
Beta: HarleyJQuin
Alpha: HarleyJQuin
Word Count: 114,129
Summary: When Chimney learned of the Big Buckley Secret, he realized that he needs to do something. Maddie is never going to tell Buck if he doesn’t push. In the end, he’s going to have to decide, keep the secret and face the fallout and feel guilty for never saying a word, or tell Buck and face the possibility of the end of his relationship with Maddie.
Artist: WestWind
Chapter Fourteen
Chimney waited to hear the door close again as he looked at the Buckley parents. They were both frowning and looking frustrated. Chimney wondered how Buck was doing and hoped that the man was on his way to Eddie. “I just need to do one thing, and then we need to talk, all four of us,” he said, his voice flat as he let go of Maddie and grabbed his phone. He dialed Eddie and waited for it to connect.
“Hey, Chim, how’s the dinner?” Eddie asked as soon as it connected.
“A fucking disaster,” he stated, “Buck stormed out. I’m hoping he’s on his way to you. If he does get there, just send me a message to let me know he’s safe. Tell him to temp block his parents and Maddie.” The words caused Maddie to gasp. “He’ll need a break from them after this.”
“Will do,” Eddie said, “I’ll make sure to let you know he’s here. If he doesn’t turn up, I know how to find him.”
“Thanks, Eddie, see you next shift,” he told him as he ended the call.
“How could you tell him to block me?!” Maddie yelled at him.
“Considering that you still go on and on about how they love him, when it’s obvious they dont, and I can tell that just being around them tonight with Buck around, I can tell with my own eyes that they don’t. That is why I told Eddie to tell Buck to block you and them. He doesn’t need that shit at all,” he told her, “Now all of you, living room, now. I have a few things to say, and you’re all going to fucking well listen.”
“How dare you try to order us around? This isn’t your home,” Margaret said, frowning at him.
“If this were my home, you would have been thrown out before you even got a taste of the food that Maddie and I cooked. Because that’s how quick you were to start trying to put Buck down and treat him like he was worse than the dirt on your shoes,” he told her, “Now, living room.”
Margaret and Phillip huffed as Maddie began to lead the way. As soon as they were seated, Chimney walked in, looking a little calmer than he had been.
“So what do you want to talk to us about?” Maddie began, not looking happy at her boyfriend at all.
“None of you really know Buck, not at all. Maddie, you still think of him as the five-year-old that you started leaving behind when you took back your life. Margaret and Phillip look at him and believe him to be nothing but a failure, but he’s anything but that. Buck is a strong and capable young man who has been on his own for a very long time. Even before he left your home,” he stated.
“He isn’t capable of anything; he’s just faking and using everyone else’s accomplishments to make himself seem like he is,” Phillip dismissed.
Chimney hid a wince as that had been him a long time. He had changed, and not for the better in some ways. He was doing a lot better now, finally finding his place in life and being happy with it. “The tsunami,” he stated.
“What… what about it?” Maddie asked, remembering that day like it was only yesterday. Buck calling her, telling her he had lost Christopher. All she had wanted to know was if he was alright.
“Do you know he has an award for that, for what he did that day. There was supposed to be a large ceremony, but he didn’t take that option because of what was going on at the time,” he told them. “He really deserved to have that. He saved Christopher; he also saved 28 others on thefiretruck. Then, when Chris fell in, he jumped back in without hesitation to find him again. He saved almost 40 more people as he searched. He was on blood thinners, not back at work. He had no gear with him to help him at all. He fucking MacGyvered what he needed to be able to help.”
“Then he filed the lawsuit, remember, that was being childish,” Maddie snapped, a little smirk playing on her face as she knew that was a sore spot for most of those at the 118.
“No, it wasn’t. It took us all a long time to admit that he was right to do it. Bobby was holding him back, and with you and me whispering in his ear about him not being ready, pushing things. We were playing on Bobby’s past, and I’m so fucking ashamed of doing that. We played on someone’s past and fear to try and get someone out of a job. He was ready to go back before the tsunami; chances are, he would have been on shift with us, and Christopher wouldn’t have been at the pier at all. Buck never pushed his health at all. The team responsible for his discharge and continued care fucked up. We fucked up after that, making a bad situation even worse,” he said as he looked at Maddie, “You want to see the kid that you left behind, because you’re feeling guilty as you know what they were like to him, even if you don’t want to acknowledge it.”
Maddie hiccupped as she started crying quietly. Margaret went to her daughter and held her, “You have no idea what Evan was like as a child. Being with him was always a challenge, quite a difficult experience.
“That’s because you never gave him a chance to be anything but the savior sibling that failed the son you wanted,” he stated.
Margaret went still, as Phillip stared at Chimney, “You… you know about Daniel?”
“Yes, Maddie was worried about our child, that something could happen to them as it happened with Daniel. She was worrying about it,” Chimney answered him, his voice a little kinder for those few seconds.
“Maddie, I thought we told you that you shouldn-” Margaret began to berate her daughter.
“Stop it,” Chimney snapped at her. “She needed to say something, or it would have stressed her out and could have caused trouble during the pregnancy with the stress. Now back to Buck,” he stated.
“I hate that nickname,” Phillip grumbled.
“Tough, Buck likes it, and to be honest, it suits him better than Evan at times. Like I was saying. You blame him for what happened to Daniel. You blame him for the treatment not working. Even though you should have known that the chance of it working was so low it may as well have been zero,” Chimney said as he looked at the three of them.
“We had to take that chance,” Phillip said, shaking his head, “Daniel…”
“That was fine, but because it didn’t work, and you both blamed him, you never gave him a chance. You never gave yourselves a chance to care about him. To love him for who he is. He is a pretty good fucking guy; he is always willing to help you out. Never expects anything from you either; he’s selfless, giving, and kind. He’s strong and capable at his job. He loves with his whole damn heart, and sometimes he loves those who don’t deserve it. You might never know him if you don’t fucking try. You checked out on his life before it even really began. Maddie raised him for those first few years, and then she checked out as well. He was alone for so long until he came to the 118. Now he has me, and others, willing to stand beside him and up for him, when he’s too kind to do it himself,” he told him, looking from one to the other.
“How could we love him? He failed, he’s a failure, always has been,” Margaret hissed, “He’s never done a thing right in his life.”
“He’s done a lot, you just don’t want to see it. He needs to know about Daniel and what was done to him medically in your pursuit of treatment for Daniel. It could impact him later on in life, so he needs to know,” Chimney told the three of them, “And you need to tell him soon, because he will find out. How he does so will affect how it falls out. Because there is going to be a fallout from this secret coming to light.”
“We’re not telling him, he doesn’t need to know,” Margaret told him, staring at him with a stubborn look on her face, the same one he often saw on Maddie’s when she didn’t like what she was being told.
“Yes, he does. He really does need to know. Like I said, medically, while nothing is wrong now, a few of the treatments he’s gotten in the past would have had to have been changed to help prevent any rising complications. Complications this late in life are rare, but they could still happen. So, yeah, you really do need to tell him,” he finished sitting down, exhausted and sick of repeating himself. He felt like he had been doing it for years instead of around a week.
“We’re not going to be telling him. He doesn’t need to know at all,” Philliip told him, “You say that there are medical reasons, well, I don’t believe it. He’s been fine all this time.”
Chimney stared at him, “You will be telling him and soon. Because if you don’t. I will be.”
“You will not,” Phillip demanded his compliance.
Chimney got up, “I will be. You’ve got until I go back on shift on Tuesday,” he stated.
“And how are we to talk with him?” Maddie said, “You told Eddie to tell him to block us.”
“No doubt he’ll be spending the next two days with Eddie. Buck’s easy to reach through him. So contact Eddie, and ask to meet and talk,” Chimney said, looking at her, “I’m going home. I need some time to myself.”
Maddie jumped up, “Howie, please,” she begged, eyes going wide and filling with tears as she hurried to her boyfriend’s side.
“Maddie, I love you,” he said, his words soft. “At the moment, your parents have brought out a side of you that I really don’t like. You were dismissive of Buck, of anything and everything he said, trying to contribute to the conversation, they shut him down and out, and you joined in on that. Buck looked so hurt when you did, but then he looked resigned to it. Like it wasn’t the first time you took part in the horrible actions of your parents. Maddie, what the hell?” he asked her, “Just why? I thought you loved him, and right now, it sounds and looks like you hate him.”
“I don’t, I really don’t hate him. I love him, he’s my little brother. I raised him,” she said, shaking her head as tears started to fall.
“Then why did you take part in that shit? Did you know what they were doing was abusive? More and more, I can see the truth in Buck’s words about them. They showed no love or affection at all for Buck, not one little drop. They didn’t want to know anything about his life, what he was doing. All they said about it was how he was useless, a failure, everything like that. I would really like to know why. Why was Buck so resigned to you all dog pilling him like you did?” Chimney questioned her, really wanting an answer to his questions.
“I-” she cut herself off as she looked Chimney in the eyes, seeing the disappointment there.
“I’ve known Buck as an adult longer than you have, Maddie. Whatever he may have been as a child, is not who he is as an adult,” he said as he opened the door. “I love you,” he said, kissing her cheek, “And I’ll see you soon. I just need a day to myself.”
“I love you, Howie,” she said, wanting to ask him to stay, to not leave.
“Maddie,” he nodded, “Tell him, get in touch with Eddie, and he’ll help you with this. But be warned, Eddie is protective of Buck, but he’ll help. He knows Buck loves you, and you love Buck. But he won’t be taken for a fool.”
Maddie nodded as she watched Chimney leave, tears falling down her face before she shut the door and went to talk with her parents.
Chapter Fifteen
Buck parked his jeep next to Eddie’s truck. He was still shaking a little in anger over how the dinner had gone. Maddie had once more sided with their parents and treated him like crap during the whole of it. He could tell that Chimney wasn’t happy about what he was seeing and hearing, but there wasn’t anything he could have done to change it. Even though he tried a few times. Their behavior was too ingrained in them to stop. Buck was deep in thought, so he didn’t notice the front door opening and someone walking out of the house.
Buck jumped as there was a tap on his window. He turned his head to see a grinning Eddie standing there. “Ass,” he cursed, but the sour look didn’t stay on his face for long. He slowly got out of his jeep, almost leaning against the door after he closed it.
“You okay?” Eddie asked softly, as Buck just stood there, quiet and still.
“I… don’t know,” he said, being honest, looking at Eddie with sadness in his eyes. “I knew from the moment that they walked in that it was going to be a disaster. Not for them, but for me, just me,” he sighed heavily.
“Well, Chimney’s not happy by the sound of him. He called me not long ago. Told me that you might be on the way here, and if you didn’t show up, I was to track you down and bring you home,” he told him as he gestured to the house, so they could head inside.
Buck nodded and felt Eddie’s hand go to the small of his back. The small gesture felt comforting, grounding as well. “Thanks, Eds,” he said quietly as they went inside.
Eddie closed the door behind them as Buck carried on to the living room.
“Buck!” came the happy yell from Christopher as he got up from where he had been curled on some pillows on the floor, watching Moana once more. It was the current favorite movie.
“Hey, Superman,” Buck said, his voice cheering up at the sound of the young child. Buck leaned down and hugged him tightly for a few moments.
“Are you okay, Buck?” Christopher asked as soon as Buck let him go.
“Yeah, I am now,” he smiled warmly as he looked Christopher in the eyes, as he knelt on the floor. He felt Eddie put a hand on his shoulder as though to give him a little comfort.
“Time for bed now, Chris,” Eddie reminded his son. Christopher had school in the morning.
“But Dad, Buck just got here?” he pouted.
“Yes, but that doesn’t change your bedtime; you have school in the morning,” he said, shaking his head.
“Fine,” he sighed, rolling his eyes. “But can Buck read me a story and tuck me in?” he asked, looking at Buck with pleading eyes.
Buck looked at Eddie, who just nodded. “Yeah, sure, Bud,” Buck said as he followed Christopher to his bedroom.
Eddie went through the living room, cleaning up as he heard Buck’s voice reading out one of Christopher’s many books. He smiled as he listened, though it didn’t last for long as he wondered just what had happened at the dinner that Chimney had told him to get Buck to block Maddie, and the Buckley parents. He finished cleaning and made his way to the bedroom. Seeing Buck tuck Christopher in one last time before turning the main lights off and leaving the star lamp that would cast a small, soft glow of the constellations up onto the ceiling.
“Night, mijo,” Eddie said as he stood in the doorway.
“Night, Dad, night, Buck,” Christopher yawned as he snuggled under his covers and huffed a little sigh as he settled in his bed.
Buck smiled a little as he walked out of the room, closing the door behind him as he followed Eddie to the living room. “Thanks for letting me do that. I-”
“You looked like you needed some Chris time,” he stated as he gestured to the couch. “Sit, I’ll grab us something to drink,” he said as he headed to the kitchen for a second.
Buck sat down, he sighed and leaned back, thinking over the dinner and wishing that he’d gone with his gut and not turned up.
“Here,” Eddie said as he held out a beer.
“Thanks, man,” he said, taking the bottle and gulping down a quarter of it before looking at Eddie as the man sat beside him on the couch.
“Right, first thing. Chimney told me that you were heading here, as you know, but he also told me to tell you to block your sister and parents for now,” he said.
Buck frowned but pulled out his phone and did so. “There, done,” he stated, setting it on the coffee table.
“So, want to talk about it?” Eddie asked, sipping his beer and waiting for Buck to say something. He could see that the younger man was thinking about what he wanted to say.
Buck sighed again and then nodded, “Yeah,” he stated, “Well, Mom and Dad were not happy to see me there at all. I warned Maddie that, should they keep calling me Evan, I’d ignore them. And I did. Neither of them liked it at all, but I stuck to it. Even when Maddie called me Evan, I ignored her. She hated that,” he snorted, “Felt like I finally had some respect when they had to call me Buck. Though Mom and Dad did so only once. Maddie was sporadic about it. Chim and Al, well, they call me Buck all the time anyway, so no bother to either of them.”
“I can just imagine Maddie’s face,” Eddie said, feeling a little joy at the thought.
Buck looked at him, rolling his eyes at the almost joyful look that Eddie was trying and failing to hide. “I know you’re happy about that,” he muttered.
“Maybe a little,” he winced at the tone Buck had muttered in. “You know I’m not… sold on her. Some of the things she says, and the way that she treats you as well. I hate it. What she did when you were hurt, both times. And then after the tsunami as well.”
“Yeah,” he sighed, “They brought up Doug several times. I had to keep redirecting them. I know that they would have kept at it if I hadn’t. Maddie wasn’t happy with them doing it. I think that was the only time when she was actually helping me stop them from being dicks. Chim… stood up for me several times. They started going on about my life. That I’m a failure, and everything,” he sighed, taking a swig of his beer and then rolling the bottle between his hands.
“You said that you haven’t talked to them, so what would they know about your life?” Eddie asked, a little confused.
“Maddie,” he answered, “she’s been talking to them. She’s been talking to them a lot more now that she’s pregnant. Telling them everything, not just about her, but about me as well. They even brought up the fact that I’m in therapy and laughed about it, along with Maddie. I’m glad that…” he trailed off, “Well, Chimney was pissed about that, wanted to say something. I just told him not to bother. That they will use anything in my life against me, even if it was something good. Though they admitted that they did the therapy thing after Doug, and when all that came out. They couldn’t stand the gossip or the looks they were getting. So they played it up, went to therapy, and made a fucking joke of it all. I’m still pissed at them. They were right there; they could have done something to help her with Doug, and they didn’t. They buried their heads in the sand as much as Maddie does.”
“Hypocrits,” Eddie muttered darkly, pulling a face.
“Yeah, I could do without having to see them again, or talk to them,” he sighed heavily, “But I know Maddie. She wants this picture-perfect family thing, and it’s never going to happen. Mom and Dad hate me, and always have done. Maddie was the only one who could put up with me at all. But even then, she didn’t want me when she had something else to focus on. Mostly boyfriends she had during that time, before she went off to college when I was eight. She moved into the dorms to get away. Said she would be back but never really did,” he finished, drinking the last of his beer and placing the bottle on the coffee table.
Eddie watched him. He looked exhausted, and the night had barely started. “Well, you’ve blocked her for now. Let her stew for fucks sakes. Let her take the time to realize that she actually fucked up badly for once. You always let her get away with shit, Buck, always. When she does something, she pesters you to forgive her, and when that doesn’t work, she starts with the tears. I’ve seen her do it to you several times. She even tried it on me while you were in the hospital,” he snorted, “I told her that my mother did that daily to get me to give in to her, and if it didn’t work with her, then it won’t work with her.”
Buck stared at him and then laughed, “Yeah.”
“Look, Maddie is manipulative, and no doubt she learned that at home and from Doug. She had to have learned it to survive as long as she did with him. But she now uses it with everyone around her. I’ve seen her do it to you and Chimney. She’s tried on me, and who knows who else she’s used it on to get her way on things. Hell, Buck, she used the fact that she’s pregnant and it’s a geriatric pregnancy against you to get you to come to the dinner tonight,” he explained, reminding him of what Buck had told him.
Buck was silent for a few moments, “I do let her get away with things. I… I think I’m scared that if I do something, she will just leave again. That I’ll push too much so that she’ll run. It wouldn’t be the first time that she’d leave,” he answered, looking at Eddie. “I don’t want her to leave. But at the moment, I don’t really want to see her. She’s hurt me so fucking much since she’s come back.”
“Then for now, don’t. Chim said to block her, no doubt that means don’t meet her for now,” Eddie said, “Hopefully he’ll tell us why he wanted that when we go back to work,” Eddie said, finishing his own beer and getting up. Grabbing Buck’s bottle, he asked, “Another?”
“Nah,” he said, shaking his head, “just an iced tea?” he asked.
“Sure,” he snorted, “I’ve got some I made this morning. Peach, alright?” he asked, getting a nod before leaving and returning with two tall glasses, “Here you go,” he said as he sat back down, “So, you’re going to just stay here? You know she won’t come here unless things are really dire.”
“Yeah, if you don’t mind?” he said, looking over at him.
“You know I don’t, and no couch, just share the bed with me again. It’s easier on you,” Eddie said as he knew that Buck sometimes suffered with his bad leg.
“Yeah, sure,” he nodded, “Wonder how Chimney is doing?” he queried quietly.
“Message him and see.” Eddie suggested as he grabbed the remote, “Now, let’s find something to watch,” he added.
Buck grinned as he grabbed his phone and sent off a quick message. He got one back. “He’s gone home alone, he said that he’s talked with them, but thinks they should have some time to stew in what he’d told them. Wonder what he said to them?” he questioned, messaging back, but getting nothing more than a promise to tell him in a few days.
“Well?” Eddie asked, just as curious. He read the message and huffed, “vague, well, we can quiz him when we head to work,” he said, getting a nod as Buck went to look at what Eddie had chosen.
“Oh, the Taiwan film, The Bridge Curse, thought you didn’t want to watch this one?” Buck asked as he looked at Eddie.
“I said it looked interesting, just not one to watch around Chris,” he replied, smiling a little as he saw Buck’s excitement.
“Okay, popcorn, we need popcorn,” he said as he jumped up, and the two grabbed a few snacks before they curled up against each other to watch.
Chapter Sixteen
Chimney was getting ready for work. Maddie had turned up last night on his doorstep. Not wanting to be alone any longer. He had let her in, but it was a little awkward at first. But things had quickly fallen back to the usual pattern. However, Maddie was going to be meeting her parents later. She was watching him closely as he got ready for work.
“You’re not telling Evan today,” she demanded before he was able to leave the apartment.
“I am, you all had two days. Two days, and Eddie said you hadn’t contacted him at all,” he told her, sparing her a quick look before he put the new shampoo he had brought into his bag, “I warned you all that I would be telling him today. At some point, I’m going to be taking him aside to tell him about Daniel,” he finished, closing it up and headed to the door.
“No, you can’t do this at all,” she said, almost begging him to reconsider as he opened the door and began to step out. “He… he won’t believe you… He won’t,” she added, trying to sound confident of that.
Chimney turned to face her, “I think he will. He will believe me, and that scares you. Because it will explain all the crap he had to put up with as a child. Because, like I said, I believe him when he told me that he was abused by them. The way they acted and behaved toward him during the dinner was that of abusive people, and you joined in,” he finished as he left the apartment before Maddie could try anything else.
Chimney headed to work and wondered just how he was going to tell Buck about Daniel. Chimney had to do this, and he needed to do it soon. He didn’t really want to do this at work, but it was looking like he’d have to. Chimney sighed as he pulled into the parking lot. He could see Eddie’s truck already there, but not Buck’s jeep. He frowned and wondered if Buck had caught a lift with Eddie; they did that often enough that it wasn’t unusual.
“Hey,” he said as he saw Hen heading out of the locker room. “Where’s Cap?” he asked, glancing around.
“He’s in his office, Buck’s up with Eddie, they two are making breakfast for the shift,” she answered. “Everything okay?” she asked, “You were silent when we met up yesterday.”
Chimney shook his head, “Not something I can talk about at the moment, Hen. This is… Buckley shit,” he muttered, “And I’m in the middle of it, more because of Maddie than Buck.”
“Well, you know where I am if you need to talk,” she reminded him as she began to head to the stairs.
“I know, just going to see Bobby before I get ready and join you,” he stated as he went toward Bobby’s office.
“Sure,” she nodded, smiling slightly as she reached the stairs.
Chimney knocked on the door and waited to be called in. “Hey, Bobby,” he said, not happy about what he was going to do, but he didn’t think that Buck should be in the dark anymore. He just hoped that they would find a good time during the day to do it.
“Chim, everything okay?” he asked, seeing the almost defeated look on the other man’s face.
“Not really. Something is going on with the Buckley front,” he said, trying to be vague as he walked to the chair and sank into it. “Something that they’ve kept from Buck all his life, and I do mean, all of his life,” he said, sneering a little, “Maddie… told me a while ago. I’m not going to tell you what it is. I need… I need to talk to Buck about this first. I didn’t want to do this at work, but I think this might be the best place to do it,” he stated, “Maddie… isn’t happy with the fact that I’m going to tell him. She doesn’t want him to know anything, and neither do their parents. And fuck their parents, like honestly.”
Bobby frowned, “You can’t tell me anything?”
“No, this… Bobby, this is fucking devastating, even to me, and it’s not even about me,” he stated. “This is gonna hurt Buck a lot, and I… I think when I do tell him, he’s going to need time off, and if he does, send him home with Eddie. He’s… gonna need that support,” he stated, rubbing at his face as he leaned forward in his chair.
Bobby sighed, “And this can’t wait?” he asked.
“Maddie plans to try to make it so he won’t believe me. Not only that, but there is a high chance she’s going to end up coming here at some point today to try and stop me from saying anything. I don’t want to do it here, but here… he feels safer here. He has you and Eddie. And we all know that you’re more of a father to him than Phillip Buckley has ever been to him. He’s… going to need you both. After… after I tell him, I’ll see if he doesn’t mind if I can tell you and Eddie. Since I think the two of you should know. But that’s more because you’ll be able to support Buck better if you do,” he said, “I hate this. What they…” he trailed off, and closed his eyes.
“Right, how long do you think you have until Maddie shows up here?” he asked.
“She has a six-hour shift, so that’s what I’m working with. She might be able to get out of it, but I’ve messaged Sue asking her to tell me when Maddie leaves. I’ve done a white lie, saying I have a surprise that I’m working on and need to know when she’s on the way home,” he said, “Not happy with myself for that, but I’m just hoping that it will give Buck some time at work before things go south.”
“Alright, if we’re at the station in five hours, then you tell him. I’m going to send out for floaters to come for Buck and Eddie now. We should have someone come in by then,” Bobby said, “without disrupting the work day too much.”
“Yeah, thanks, Bobby. For now, I’ll… get to work,” he nodded as he got up and headed out, feeling his phone buzzing in his pocket. He looked at it and sighed, seeing that Maddie was messaging him, trying to stop him from telling Buck about Daniel. He huffed, putting his phone away, and got ready for the day.
XxXxXs
Buck smiled as he hip-checked Eddie as they finished with their chore and headed to the loft. Four hours into their shift, they had only one call out. Chimney had told him to keep Maddie blocked for the day. But she had started to use a different number to bombard him with messages. Buck had been able to ignore most of them, but there was just something desperate within some of the messages that made Buck want to call her and see if she was okay.
Buck sighed as his phone buzzed again. Eddie glanced over, looking at him, “Maddie again?” he asked.
“Yeah,” he said, “I’m going to talk with Chim,” he added as he went to find the other man.
“Alright, I’ll finish this off, and then pester Hen,” Eddie grinned at him.
Buck laughed slightly. “Okay,” he said before turning. “Hey, Chim,” he called out as he walked over to the man, his phone in hand. The unknown number from which Maddie was messaging was on his screen, and all the messages that were there were staring at him. He hadn’t responded at all. He wasn’t sure that he should, but the messages were odd.
“Hey, Buck,” he said, turning to the younger man and smiling slightly.
“Maddie… has a new number that she’s been messaging me on,” he said, not really sure what the hell was going on and why Maddie was warning him away from Chimney and to not listen to anything that the other man said. It was also annoying that she had gotten another number just to message him with it.
“What’s she been saying?” he asked, slightly curious and worried about what she might be saying to him.
Buck handed over his phone with the messages on it and let him read through them. “Chim, what the hell is going on with my sister?” he asked. He was exhausted from trying to protect himself from Maddie recently.
Chimney slumped a little. “There’s something I should tell you. I’m going to go and talk with Bobby for a few moments, and then I will. It’s… linked to what she’s saying, and why she doesn’t want you to believe anything I say. This… is gonna be hard, Buck,” he warned him. He handed the phone back and talked with Bobby for a few moments before leading Buck into the office.
“What the fuck is going on?” he asked as he watched Chimney close the door behind him and gesture to the chairs in the room.
“Right…” Chimney tried to begin, trailing off and wondering if he was doing the right thing. In not letting Maddie or either of the Buckley parents try to talk with Buck. He rubbed at his face a few times, “Okay,” he said, and he took a breath.
Buck watched worriedly, “Is everything okay with Maddie?”
“Maddie is fine, the pregnancy is going well, and nothing is amiss with that. We have another scan going in a few days, but that’s all. Maddie is fine,” he repeated, making sure Buck didn’t worry about his sister or her condition. “No, this… concerns something that they’ve kept from you since you were born basically,” he bit his lip, “I have no idea if I’m doing the right thing or not telling you and not letting them do it, but… they’ve keep putting it off and not saying anything.”
“And they… told you?” Buck wanted to snort, but then he knew that his parents were the type to keep something from him. But Maddie, Maddie would have said something.
“Maddie did, around the time you headed out for Texas. I’ve been trying to get her to tell you. Since it would be better coming from her, as she would have the details about this. I only have what I’ve been able to learn. Gotta love the internet and public records,” he snorted. Feeling a bit pissed that he was the one doing this and not Maddie, or her parents.
“What is it?” he asked again, frowning as he watched his friend. There was annoyance, upset, and anger in Chimney’s eyes as he looked back at him.
Chimney took a breath again, trying to calm himself and steeling himself for what he was about to do. “I still think this would have been better coming from Maddie, but she and your parents don’t want you to know. I don’t know why they didn’t tell you years ago. But I know why she didn’t want to tell you, and still doesn’t want to tell you.” Chimney knew he was hesitating, putting off saying what needed to be said.
“Chim, just tell me?” he said once more, this time with a little more force behind his words.
“You had a brother,” he said, finally blurting it out, “His name was Daniel. He was eight when he died, you were… You were a year old, about fourteen months, from what I found out.”
“A… brother… no, she… she would have told me that. Maddie would have told me,” Buck said, leaning back in his chair and shaking his head several times.
“I think she would have, if… if not for what I’m about to tell you,” he said, “Look, Daniel got sick, Maddie said he was about five when things started to go wrong in the Buckley’s world,” he told him, wanting to reach out and comfort his friend, but knowing that he wasn’t the person that Buck needed for this. “I… do you want me to call Eddie or Bobby in?” he asked, “I think you should have someone here for this next bit.”
“No… no, not yet, I… I need to know what the fuck is going on,” he cursed softly, hands clenched together in his lap.
“Okay,” he said, “I just… think it would be better to have someone here for you,” he stated, but nodded and began again. “Daniel had leukemia,” he told him, “He was getting really sick, they tried a few things, but nothing was working. So, they were going to do a bone marrow transplant.”
“Was Maddie a match?” he asked him as a pit of dread started to form in his stomach.
“No, neither were your parents. He was six, almost seven, when they decided that they were going to make a baby. Hoping it would be a HLA match for Daniel. Eleven months later, you were born, and you were a match. They wouldn’t take bone marrow from a newborn, or at least from a baby that was younger than a year. They had to wait a year for the transplant.”
Buck was silent as he took in what Chimney had just told him.
Chapter Seventeen
Buck hung his head as he started to go through all the things from his childhood. Everything he could think of. “Daniel…” he said, trailing off as he looked up. “I really wasn’t wanted or loved by them,” he stated, shaking his head a few times, “I was right.” Everything was starting to make sense in his life. The way they had been with him, the things they had told him as he grew up.
“I don’t know about them, and I don’t care about them. But Maddie didn’t want you to know, because she didn’t want you to feel unloved. After all, you were born with a purpose, for your parents, but to her, you were just her little brother,” Chimney told him, though the words felt off and weak to him. Especially with the way that Maddie was trying to force Buck to acknowledge and spend time with two people who didn’t care or love him.
“They didn’t love me, they never have, but it… explains why they said that…” he trailed off, looking away as he tried to fight the anger, the hurt, and even the sorrow that was threatening to overwhelm him. He knew and understood now that there wasn’t ever going to be a point in his life where his parents would love him.
“I get that, and what do you mean by what they said?” he asked, slightly curious.
“Maddie… taught me how to ride a bike. The bike she used had a plate on it with Daniel’s name on it. I wondered whose it was, back then. When Mom and Dad caught us. Mom was screaming at Maddie, and then she started yelling at Dad. She was telling him to get rid of the bike. That she lived with a reminder when Dad said it was to remember him. He wanted to remember Daniel, and she didn’t. That I was the reminder that he was gone. No wonder they could never love me. I wasn’t the son that they wanted,” Buck answered him, giving a half sob and laugh.
“Buck, you know you’re wanted by us. I know we’re not parents, not… well, we are family, a family we’ve chosen for ourselves,” he said, shaking his head, and remembering what Eddie had said sometime ago. “The 118 is the family we’ve chosen. And you’re my brother. Maddie and I might be together, and I was a shit brother for a while, but you’re my brother, part of my family, even if Maddie and I never got together.”
“The family we chose,” Buck said, as he felt a few tears fall down his face. He wiped them quickly. “It explains why they never loved me, and I… don’t want to talk with Maddie for a bit. It hurts to know that she couldn’t be bothered to tell me.”
“I don’t know if I gave her long enough to tell you,” Chimney said, his words slightly hesitant. “Maybe she would have given a bit more time. But she was worried about Mango. Which is why I know.”
“In case Mango has the same?” he asked, getting a nod.
“Exactly that,” he sighed, looking at Buck, “Buck, they may not love you. But know that me, Bobby, Hen, Eddie, and everyone else in this fucked up firefam does.”
Buck’s phone started to ring. The number that had been messaging him on the screen. He answered it, putting it on speaker. “Who is this?” he asked.
“You know who it is, Evan,” Maddie snapped at him, “Trying to get in touch with you. We’re going to have a family meal again, and you’re going to be there.”
“No,” Buck refused, shaking his head, “I’m not doing that again.”
“They love you,” she insisted, “They want to see their son.”
“I’m not the son they wanted,” he told her, wondering if she would clock on to what he was leaving unsaid.
“Evan,” Maddie said, her voice hesitant, “I told you that you shouldn’t listen to Howard; he’s lying and trying to cause a wedge between us.”
“I’ve not talked with Chimney,” he said, lying, but wondering what Maddie would say to that.
“Oh… erm… okay,” she said, sounding confused.
“I just know I’m not wanted by them. I’m not the child they wanted. That was you, always you. You were the only one who wanted me. So please stop trying to force this. It’s not going to happen, and it never will until they and you can acknowledge what happened when I was a kid,” he said as he then hung up.
“You lied?” Chimney asked, “You could have…” he trailed off
“No, I think I’m going to let her stew on when you told me,” he said, shaking his head, “I don’t care if she knows about it or not. But for now, I don’t want to see her at all.”
“She did keep this from you to try and protect you,” Chimney repeated himself slightly.
“She still should have told me. It would have saved me so much fucking pain and effort trying to get their attention at all. I hurt myself, Chim. Just to get a bit of attention from them for an hour or two. I did that until I was about sixteen, Chim. If Maddie had told me back when I was a kid, I would have known not to even bother attempting to get their attention, because I would never have what I craved from them, and that was their love. That was all I wanted, for them to love me, Chim, and they never did. Never would be able to because all I was to them was spare parts,” he said, snorting as he wiped at his eyes, trying to stop the tears.
“Buck…” he trailed off, not sure what he could say. Buck hung his head as he tried to stifle the broken sobs that started to come. “Buck,” he said again, this time getting the man to look at him, “Do you… want me to tell Bobby and Eddie only about this. So they can be here for you. I know… I’m not the one you really want here. And they care about you a lot. To Bobby, you’re his kid, not Margaret and Phillip Buckley. You’re his. So forget them, and I’ll try to get Maddie to realize that the perfect family she has in her head isn’t going to happen. Because I kinda hate them for the way they’ve treated you, and how they’ve talked to Maddie when they’re around. I’ll also be telling Maddie when I go home after shift, if she’s there, that she’s to keep away, wait for you to reach out when you’re ready.”
Buck nodded, “Please, I’m just gonna… stay here,” he said, gesturing to the office.
“Bobby’s already cleared you to go home, and he’s also cleared it for Eddie, since I didn’t think you should be alone after this fucked up reveal,” Chimney said as he got up, putting a hand on Buck’s shoulder and squeezing it. “You’re my brother, Buck, don’t forget that. And I may have been a shit one, but I hope… I hope I’m someone you can count on in time.”
“Thanks, Chim, for telling me… you’re right that Maddie would never have told me. Not unless she had no choice. She takes what our parents say as gospel nearly all the time,” he sighed, sniffling a little and reaching over to the tissue box Bobby kept on his desk.
Chimney nodded and headed out of the office. He could see Hen, Eddie, and Bobby watching curiously as only he came out. “Bobby, Eddie, can I talk to you in the bunk room, if it’s empty. It’s… private, sorry Hen,” he said as he saw the curious look on her face.
“It’s fine,” she smiled, knowing why those two were chosen to know first, and the fact that she might not know for a while didn’t bother her too much.
“Thanks, and when I can, when it’s fine, you’ll be told. But for now, I think Buck needs his best friend and father figure more than ever,” Chimney said as he looked at the two and they headed to the bunk room. Thankfully, no one was in there as he settled on one of the cots in there, “Right,” he said, looking at the two. “Buck… is upset. I don’t want him alone for long, but I think he needs you both for this.”
“What the hell is going on?” Eddie asked, sitting on a cot across from him as Bobby joined him, “You called me after dinner to make sure that he came to me. So what the hell happened during it? I had a basic rundown from Buck, but nothing that would cause this cloak-and-dagger stuff.”
“Buck had an older brother, who died when Buck was about a year old. He had leukemia. Buckley’s parents made Buck and hoped he was an HLA match; he was. Stem cells were used first, they didn’t help much, according to Maddie. Daniel was still really sick and getting worse. When Buck was a year old, they did a bone marrow transplant, from Buck to Daniel. I don’t know if the transplant failed or if he was just too ill at that point. Two months after the transplant, Daniel died. Buck’s parents checked out on Buck, never giving him a chance, because they wanted Daniel, not Buck. They care about Maddie, but not Buck,” he finished, looking between the two of them.
“They fucking…” Eddie said, closing his eyes, and the other two could see he was counting to ten not only in English but also in Spanish and Swedish. They could hear his gentle mutterings under his breath when he had done before he stopped and turned to them. “Okay, I’m going to take care of Buck, Bobby-” he began, but was quickly cut off.
“Take him home. I’ve already alerted HQ that I’ll need floaters in. They should be arriving within the hour,” Bobby told him. “So go on, Chim, are you okay?” he then asked the other man.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Maddie isn’t going to be happy when she finds out, and I’ll be telling her. I’ve told Buck to block her. Any time a new number comes up from her, have him block it. I’ll try to stop her from doing anything, but I have to be honest. I’ve not seen her face-to-face until last night, and even then, she didn’t say much but tried to talk me out of telling Buck. I gave her a chance, I gave them all a chance to tell him. This isn’t just because he needs to know about it from a family and moral standpoint, but also medical. Taking bone marrow could have unforeseen complications in adulthood, and even after years. I know it’s rare, but well, it’s something to take into account. Not only that, but some treatments he got-”
“Would have been changed, how they dealt with the crush injury would have changed. I’ll have Buck see about getting his records of the transfusion and everything from then. Make sure his records are fully there,” Eddie said, knowing he had permission from Buck to look at them, just like Buck had his permission to do the same with his own and Christophers.
Eddie nodded and left the room.
“Are you really okay?” Bobby asked Chimney.
“Not really,” he answered honestly, rubbing his hands over his face, “Bobby, it’s like I no longer know Maddie at all. With how she’s been behaving since she got pregnant. She’s been all in on controlling Buck. Trying to get him fired again, she told me to report him for stupid shit that could cause his career a lot of problems. I think HR needs to be informed in case she tries to do that on her own. I don’t want him to lose a career I know he’s worked hard at. Not only that, but this… she talked about this like it doesn’t involve Buck at all. Her parents are fucking terrible, Bobby. I mean, my old man and I don’t get along. Hell, I talk to him maybe two or three times a year. But we still talk sometimes. He’s called more since Albert got here, but not just to talk about Al, but to talk to me. I’ve talked to him more in the last year than I have in the twenty before it,” he snorted, “now I have the Buckleys to deal with, and slowly, Maddie is turning into someone I barely recognize.”
“If you need to take time, Chim, you take it,” he reminded him.
“I will, if I do. For now, I’m alright, just… worried about Buck. This is fucked up,” he said as he stood up. “Now, I have a few chores to do before we end up being called out,” he said as he left Bobby alone.
Bobby followed him and headed to Buck and Eddie before they left, hugging the younger man for a few moments and making him promise to call him if he needed to.
Chapter Eighteen
Eddie walked into Bobby’s office and went straight to Buck, who was in tears as he tried to stop himself from sobbing loudly. “Buck,” he said, his voice gentle as he went over and wrapped his arms around him, “I got you.”
“I was right… They never wanted me. Not once in my life did they want me for anything but spare parts,” he said, as he broke and let out a wail that was muffled in Eddie’s stomach.
Eddie held him as he cried. “Let it all out,” he said softly. He stood there for a few minutes. Just holding him, rocking a little, and whispering comforting words.
“I… sorry,” Buck murmured as he let go.
“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Eddie said as he looked down, “Now, Bobby’s suggested we finish early, so how about we head out. Go home, grab some junk food, and just be us for a bit. Chris is with Tia Pepa for the night, since we’re supposed to be on shift. I’ll tell her the change in plans, but ask that she keep Chris the night still.”
“Thanks. I don’t want Chris to see me like this. I need-” he began, wishing he could clean himself up before stepping out of the office.
“Buck, he knows that we feel sad, that things happen sometimes. He knows that, he understands that, because he’s not all sunshine and flowers all the time either. He has bad days, just like we do. He’s seen me when I had my bad days,” Eddie said, cutting him off, “It’ll be okay if he does. But I understand about not wanting him to see,” he added softly.
“Yeah,” he said, as he grabbed a few more tissues and tried to clean his face a little as he slowly stood up. “I know… I know that, but still.”
“I understand and I get it,” Eddie told him, “let’s get changed and go home.”
“Yeah, home,” he nodded, feeling warm at the thought of going to Eddie’s place; it was more of a home than his loft, and had been since he’d first stepped into the house.
The two went and changed, only being stopped by Bobby to ensure they had everything they needed and to call if they wanted something.
XxXxX
Eddie walked into the living room, hot chocolate in his hands, as he didn’t think beer would be a good thing at the moment. “Here,” he said, setting the large mug down.
“Thanks, Eds,” he said, giving a weak smile. “It really does make sense now, looking back at it all. Maddie… she was always trying to push that Mom and Dad loved me, all the time. Even when she saw that they didn’t. She pushed it. Even now, she always says they weren’t good parents, but good people.”
Eddie snorted, “They aren’t good people either.”
Buck looked at him and then nodded in agreement. “They aren’t.” He waited for a few moments as Eddie sat beside him. “Maddie was the one who raised me. My earliest memory is of her, reading to me, helping me learn my letters and the words on the page. She was always there, I think I was four. I wasn’t allowed to be near the TV; that was for Maddie only. For my parents only. They didn’t want me to sit there watching anything. Maddie was there, always there. I thought she was my mom for a while. I even called her mom when I was about four, I think, maybe five,” he frowned, wrapping his hands around the mug tightly.
“She means a lot to you?” Eddie asked him softly.
“Yeah, she was my parent for the first sixish years of my life, Eddie,” he told him, glancing over, “I know I need to keep my boundaries with her, but… she was there for me when I didn’t have anyone. But… that changed when she got her first serious boyfriend. It was hard; she went from being around me, reading, and teaching me. Caring for me, to not being there at all. I felt… abandoned by her. I know, she was a teenager, she had a right, of course. But I was left alone, more and more, with parents who didn’t care or love me. It was easy to believe they wanted nothing to do with me. When I told Maddie back then, she ignored me. When Mom started to get more abusive, no one cared that I was getting hurt, that I was upset, crying, or anything, and Maddie, she never wanted to see. Dad was indifferent at best, and at worst, took part in verbally abusing me and hitting me,” he admitted quietly.
“Maddie never saw anything?”
“She did, she saw Dad hit me once, and then Mom yelled at me, wishing me dead,” he answered him, shaking his head before drinking some of his hot chocolate and letting it warm him a little, “She saw and did nothing, she just… it felt like she no longer cared about me. I know she did, she just had a life of her own to live. I wasn’t part of that. But she left me, alone, with them. And things just got worse and worse. When I was around nine, she left for college. Moved out of the house. Mom and Dad would be able to go and see her, but they never took me with them. I was always left alone at the house. Things just got worse, and I… I made my first attempt. I wasn’t even a teenager, and I felt like life wasn’t worth anything, my life wasn’t worth anything.”
“Buck,” Eddie whispered. He had known some of what Buck’s childhood was like; the man had talked a little of it, but had never really gone in depth about it.
“I tried four times, the last time was the day that I last saw them. That night, Maddie gave me her jeep and sent me off. I think from the time I was nine, and she left, until she turned up in my life again at twenty-six, almost twenty years. I had seen her fifteen times in total, and talked to her only five of those times. When I first left, she would answer my calls once every three or four months. I know Doug was causing trouble, but to me, it felt like I was being abandoned again, being thrown away again,” he sighed heavily, drinking more hot chocolate as he tried to order the chaotic thoughts in his head. “I want to talk with her, ask her why she kept this from me for so long. But I just… I need time, I think. I think the only time I got any type of attention from them, that wasn’t abuse, was when I hurt myself for attention,” he muttered quietly.
Eddie reached over, “I am right here,” he said, “You’re not alone anymore. You have people who love you, me, Bobby, Chim, Hen, and the others. I know that at the moment you’re mad and hurt about Maddie, and to be honest, so am I. She had plenty of chances to tell you what happened. But, I do understand not wanting to see you hurting anymore because of them. Maybe… maybe subconsciously, she’s still trying to protect you, protect your feelings. And maybe even her own. Because if she admits that you’ve been abused by them, then she has to come to terms with the fact that she ignored it, and let it go time and time again when she should have said something.”
“Maybe,” he said, nodding slowly, “I just wish things were different,” he told Eddie with a heavy sigh as he leaned back and closed his eyes. “I wished they loved me, but they… they didn’t do anything with me, or for me, unless Maddie was around, and even then, it was reluctant. But I wanted that attention, so I got hurt, and it became too much of a habit to break as I got older. It wasn’t until I was sixteen, I think, that I stopped trying to get them to pay attention, Eds. I knew at that point that it was conditional and only when Maddie was there. Like they were trying to hide how abusive they were toward me. It’s… one of the reasons why Maddie doesn’t believe me. She didn’t really see much after that one major time. Just the occasional hit or verbal abuse they piled on me,” he stated as his phone started ringing on the table. He just stared at it, the new number flashing on screen.
Eddie reached for it and answered, “Maddie, leave him alone; he needs some time without you around. You’re causing nothing but pain with the shit you’ve been pulling. You’re being a brat, and I am not going to stand by any longer and watch you hurt him because you want things to go your way. You’re hurting him, and you don’t even care at all, do you?” he said, “Now, I’m blocking this number, and I’m going to make sure that he’s taken care of. You take care of yourself, and keep the bastards that are your parents away from Buck.”
Buck blinked, but he could hear Maddie yelling at Eddie over the line, but could not make out the words that were being said.
“I don’t care what you think, Maddie,” Eddie snorted, “You think that you can threaten me… I don’t give a fuck,” he repeated, “You mean nothing to me apart from the fact that Buck seems to care for an entitled, boundary-resistant brat like you. I would happily yeet you to the moon. But for some strange reason, he loves you, but at the moment, he can’t fucking stand you. You kept something from him, something that could have got him killed. Something that, had he known, would have saved him so much pain growing up. So leave him alone until he is ready to talk. And I will be answering any strange numbers for him from now on, and if it’s you, I’ll be blocking them,” he finished before ending the call and blocking the number.
“Eds,” he began, not sure what he could say to that.
“You know I don’t get along with her, and she is an entitled brat. She’s learned how to manipulate those around her because of her past, and she uses that against everyone to get her own way, pretty much all the time. She manipulated you to get you to the dinner, and from what you’ve said, she never even stood up for you, but Chimney did,” Eddie told him, shaking his head a few times.
Buck sighed and then nodded, “Yeah, I know,” he said. “She was like this before she met Doug, always used to getting her own way. It’s something she learned from Mom; she’s the same. Manipulating people to get her way,” he told him.
“I don’t like your parents at all. They… they’re shit people and terrible parents,” he snorted, “And that’s just what I’ve learned from what you and Chimney have said.”
“Yeah, I’m worried about Chim,” Buck said softly, “he’s having to put up with the three of them.”
“How about I tell him to come over here after shift. Pepa is going to take Chris to school in the morning, so we don’t have to worry about that,” he said, “We have today and some of tomorrow free,” he suggested as Buck nodded.
“I’ll message him. And thanks for being here for me. For bringing me home,” Buck said, his words quiet as he finished his hot chocolate and put the mug down.
Eddie finished his own before saying, “Well, you’re family, Buck, you mean a lot to Chris and me. I want to make sure you’re okay.”
Buck smiled at him, “You’re my family too. You… you’re-” he cut himself off, “You mean a lot to me, and yeah, so does Chris too,” he said instead.
Buck smiled back as he picked up his phone and messaged Chimney. There were a few moments before a reply came. He’d be heading over after shift, as they were just heading out on a call.
Chapter Nineteen
Chimney walked out of the bunk room. He’d tried sleeping, but he hadn’t been able to. He kept ruminating over the situation with the bomber. He had been so close to being blown up, but he’d talked the guy down, managed to get the man to surrender, pulling on Chimney’s own past with his parents. It had worked, but it had brought up a few things he didn’t know if he was ready to really think about. He pulled out his phone as he headed up to the loft; only some of the shift had decided to get some sleep in the early hours of the morning. Chimney booked an extra appointment with his therapist and tucked his phone away again. Ignoring the many messages and calls from Maddie.
“Howie!” came a yell from below.
Chimney closed his eyes, wishing he could hide away. He sighed, turned around, and went back downstairs. He looked at Maddie as she stood there. “Maddie,” he greeted.
“Where’s Evan?” she demanded, stalking toward him, one hand on her stomach, “I can’t see him.”
“He’s gone home to process the secret that you and your parents have been keeping from him. The fact that his whole life was a lie, and that he was right in the fact that his parents don’t love him, and his sister betrayed him in a way that hurts him,” Chimney stated, just staring at her.
“How could you tell him? He doesn’t need to know that at all,” she hissed at him, glancing around to make sure no one had overheard Chimney.
“He needed to know for more than one reason. I also told Bobby and Eddie, since they’re the main people who support him,” he added, knowing she wasn’t going to be happy about that either.
“No, how… why would you do something like that!” she yelled out, her voice echoing around the station even more with how quiet it was.
“Simple, Buck needs support, and they are his support. Eddie is his best friend, and Bobby is the father he deserves and needs. Because let’s face it, Maddie, Phillip Buckley isn’t much of a father. The man was putting Buck down constantly during dinner. He was a bastard right in front of us, and only I was sticking up for Buck. You say you raised him, but at that moment, you failed him. He needed you in his corner, and you went and sat with your parents and started fucking agreeing with them,” he told her, shaking his head as he stuck his hands in his pockets, fiddling with the phone in one of them.
“He wasn’t supposed to know, he shouldn’t know at all, and neither should they. This wasn’t your business!” she screamed at him, ignoring everything else that Chimney had said. “I can’t believe that you would do something like this,” she stated.
“Of course it was my business; you told this huge fucking secret. Then you expected me to keep it from Buck. Not a chance in hell. I want to be a better fucking person than I was. Also, this was something you should have told Buck years ago!” he yelled back.
Maddie shook her head, almost looking like a toddler as she stomped her foot slightly, “He wasn’t to know!”
“He needed to know,” Chimney hissed back at her, “He needed to know about his brother. How the hell could you just erase him from existence? Doesn’t Daniel deserve to be known and loved still? Should I forget about Kevin? Should I forget about my Mom? Just because they’re gone?” he asked her. “Your parents are sick in the head if they think that’s the best way to cope with the death of a child. They made you a parent for your brother, and then abused him, even with you around. You ignored it, pretended it didn’t happen. Why? Why would you do that? Buck was calling out for help, and you ignored it.”
“I-” Maddie began.
“I think you need to leave, Ms Buckley,” Bobby said as he walked over.
“This needs to be sorted now,” Maddie said, waving a hand as though to dismiss him.
“Ms Buckley, you will be leaving. If you don’t, I will call dispatch to send someone to escort you from the premises,” Bobby warned her, arms crossing in front of his chest.
Maddie turned to look at him, glaring, “You have no idea what’s going on. This… this bastard told everyone my business.”
“It sounds more like he said something to make sure that Buck was supported as he found out about an older brother he doesn’t remember, or know about,” Bobby said, keeping his cool as he watched her, “Now, leave. Do not come here again unless you’re having an emergency.”
Maddie stared at him, looking like she expected him to say that he was joking, but there was something about the stance Bobby had taken that let her know he wasn’t. “This isn’t over, Howard. We’ll talk when you get home after your shift.”
“I’m not going to be home right away, I’ve got plans to meet with Buck and Eddie, and no, you’re not invited. Buck doesn’t want to speak or talk to you at the moment,” Chimney told her, his voice going slightly cold as Maddie had opened her mouth to demand that she go with him.
“I’ll be waiting for you at home,” she snapped as she turned and stormed out.
Chimney sighed and slumped where he stood. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up into the concerned eyes of Bobby. “Hey, Cap. I’m really sorry about all that.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. You didn’t ask her to ambush you here,” he stated. “Now, we only have two hours left of shift. If you want, you can head out now.”
“I…” he said, about to turn down the offer, before nodding, “Yeah, I think I will. Thanks, Cap. I just need to decompress after that,” he said, looking towards the wide open shutters, giving him a good view of the road ahead. He watched Maddie’s car go past and sighed. “It’s not going to be pretty. She still has the belief that no one needs to know. The thing is, she told me, because she was worried that Mango might become ill as well. As soon as I mentioned Buck knowing, she shut me down, every single time I tried to bring it up. I know it’s painful, but he had a serious medical procedure done, and he didn’t even know about it. I don’t even know if it’s in his records, or if his parents were able to hide that away from him as well.”
“Well, Eddie and Buck will sort that out,” Bobby said, “Go. Get changed and get out of here. Don’t forget, if you need it, just like Buck, you can ask for some time off.”
“Thanks,” Chimney smiled slightly as he went to change and head over to Eddie’s, sending the other man a warning that he would be heading over early.
XxXxX
Chimney looked up as Eddie put a plate of pancakes that Buck had finished cooking in front of him. Before joining him at the breakfast table. “Thanks,” he said, smiling as he began to eat.
Buck joined them with his own and Eddie’s, and the three settled down to eat a slightly later breakfast. “So, Maddie turned up?” Buck asked between bites.
Chimney nodded as he swallowed, “Yep, she wasn’t happy about me telling any of you.”
“Why did you tell us?” Eddie asked, “I know you said that Buck needed to know about it, but why?”
Chimney sighed, taking a few bites before he answered, “This goes back to when I was a kid. My mom had cancer, but I didn’t know. Not for a long time. From what Anne told me, she was first diagnosed when I was twelve. She died when I was fifteen. She was battling it quietly for three years without me knowing. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I learned my dad was doing what he could to help her from Korea. I had always believed that he had abandoned her, left her here to rot. Hell, I didn’t even know she was dying with cancer until three or four weeks before she passed away. One minute she was telling me, the next she was gone. Dad came back, came to LA. He wanted to take her home, but she… she wanted to be buried here. So he let it happen, and I wanted to stay here; he tried to get me to go back to Korea, but I had a life here. Anne and John took me in, and I blamed my dad for not being there for my Mom. It’s taken a long time to work through that,” he sighed, “So long, and I hate that Maddie was keeping someone from you. A brother. I… Dad kept Albert away from me. I didn’t know about him until he was four. Four years old. He came in when I was on a call to Dad, and I was so angry, livid, that he’d done to me. A brother, I had a brother, and I resented him,” he stopped for a bit, eating a little more. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to just dump all that on you.”
“Hey, we’re family, which means we’re there for each other,” Buck told him.
Chimney gave him a weak smile as he ate. He swallowed the last bite before adding, “I’ve been talking to my therapist about it all. Asking Dad more about what was going on back then, same with Anne and John. They’re telling me all the things that I wanted to ignore. In my eyes, my Dad abandoned me here, wanted nothing to do with me, and then had a new family he didn’t tell me about. That I was replaceable. Dad didn’t have a choice but to go back; work dragged him back to Korea, and Mom wanted to stay here. He would come back occasionally as I grew, but I would often spend time with the Lees instead, with Kevin,” he sighed, sitting back on his chair. “I ignored it, blocked it, everything about my Dad. The begging he did, the letters he sent. Since I didn’t want to answer his calls most of the time. Hell, he wasn’t happy with anything I did. But he always asked me to go back to Korea. Always, and I hated him for it. Mom was here, even if she was gone, she was still here.”
“He’s your Dad, of course, you want better from him,” Eddie said, finishing his own breakfast and reaching for the apple juice he liked to have, “Don’t we all want that from our parents?”
“At least we know what not to do,” Chimney snorted. “I’m still working on things, but talking with Dad a bit more is helping put things in perspective that I didn’t think about for the longest time. Dad and I will never really be what we should be as father and son, but I can put up with him,” he said, “Al loves him, and his mom is really nice. She tempers Dad more than my Mom did. Mom was passive; she just went with everything. The only time she stood up for what she wanted was when we came here. How… how are you doing with what I told you, Buck?” he then asked, needing to change the subject.
“I’m… processing. I feel like a lot of things from back then now make sense, with the way they acted toward me. Maddie… and her take on it hurts. That she didn’t want to tell me. I just need some more time away from Maddie and to think about it. I’ll talk to her at some point, just not yet,” Buck said with a little hesitation.
“That’s alright, I’ll tell her that. What about your parents?” he then asked Eddie, as he could see that Buck was reluctant to talk about what he had learned just yet.
“Papi mostly goes along with what my Mom wants. So yeah,” Eddie said, shrugging slightly.
“My own are as bad as each other. They feed off each other when they get in a snit, both agreeing with whatever it was the other said or did,” Buck added, “To shitty parents,” he said as he grabbed his own juice and raised the glass.
Chimney laughed and raised his own as the three clinked the glasses together before drinking. “Okay, shitty parents aside, how’s Chris doing? I know you said something about a test he had to do recently. You never told us what the result was?” he said, changing the subject. He was done with talking about parents and just wanted to talk about something that was light.
“Well,” Eddie grinned, “he passed, highest score in his year,” he boasted. Going on to tell of all the awesome things, in Eddie and Buck’s eyes, Christopher has been doing.
Chapter Twenty
Chimney had stayed with Buck and Eddie until dinner. He knew he needed to head home at some point, but he had been putting it off since he didn’t want another confrontation with Maddie. Chimney sat in his car for a bit longer before getting out and heading to his apartment. He could hear the faint noise of the TV through his door and knew Maddie was waiting for him. He took a breath and steeled himself and wondered when he’d started to dread coming home to Maddie. He loved her, he was sure of that, but at the moment with her parents around, she wasn’t the woman he had fallen for, but some made-up version that was just like her mother.
Chimney unlocked the door and walked in, toeing off his boots and putting on his slippers. He began the usual routine when he came home from work. Emptying his bag, refilling it with spares, and putting on a laundry load. He could feel Maddie watching him. He had seen her get up from the couch as he entered. He finished and headed to the kitchenette, and poured himself some water from the jug in the fridge.
“You’re just going to ignore me?” Maddie snapped at him as she walked over and stood there, staring at him.
Chimney drank half the glass of water before he answered her, “No, I’m not ignoring you. I just don’t know what to say to you.”
“You betrayed me, I told you something in confidence, and you told everyone,” she said, looking hurt.
“Maddie,” he began, “I know I did,” he stated, “I know I betrayed that bit of trust. But I told you, over and over, that Buck needed to know. He needed to know about all of it. Buck and Eddie have had to get all of his medical records to make sure that they’re there, and they weren’t. It wasn’t there, meaning that the treatment after he was crushed by the truck could have caused even more damage than a simple blood clot. Did you know that Buck suffers from chronic pain from the injury?” he asked, “That he has to still go to check-ups on his leg, even a year and a half later?” he said, shaking his head. “He’s going to have to make another appointment to go over what he’s learned about the marrow donation. To see if there is anything he needs to worry about. And how it might affect other parts of his health. I know complications arising from a donation are so fucking low, but with Buck’s fucking luck, something could have come up, and he’d have no idea what the hell was wrong.”
“I-” she began, trying to protest once more that Buck didn’t need to know about the donation or Daniel.
“You betrayed the trust that Buck had in you. The trust he’s had in you all his life, he trusted you to be beside him. To have his back against your parents. But you never have, have you? You’ve never sided with him against your parents, he just believed you did.” Chimney shook his head a few more times before he went into the living area and sat down on his couch.
“Of course I’m on Evan’s side,” she huffed as she followed him, still standing, even though she was moving from foot to foot.
“Then remember to call him Buck, you know he hates his name,” he snapped back at her.
“His name is Evan,” she said.
“And now you sound just like your mother. The only person who calls me Howard is my father and Al, and that’s only occasionally. Most of the time, he calls me by my Korean name, Min-Jae, especially when he’s trying to get my attention for something,” Chimney snorted. He’d not spoken his Korean name in a long time. The only time he ever heard it was from his Dad. Not even Albert used it; he always used Howard, though he was starting to use Howie at times. “You say you love him, you say that you didn’t want him to feel unloved and unwanted by the three of you. Well, he’s felt like that for his whole life with you three. The only time he didn’t was when he was a very young child. Well done, you’ve shown him you don’t really care about him,” he told her, drinking more of his water and wondering if he could ask Hen to stay at hers for the night.
“I love… Buck,” she told him, emotions warring on her face. “I do really love him. He’s my little brother, just like Daniel was, and I wanted to protect him because I couldn’t protect Daniel,” she told him as she began to tear up.
Chimney winced, “Maddie,” he began, “Daniel didn’t die because you couldn’t protect him. He had leukemia, Maddie, and sometimes, it will kill and be a right bastard, as all fucking cancers are. I wish things were different, that things had worked out for him, that he had gotten better and lived. I know Buck feels the same way about it. But it didn’t. And you saying that you want to protect Buck, well… I don’t think you do. Protecting Buck means telling him the things he needs to know about his own health, and you kept something from him, and in doing so caused him harm.” He was getting tired of having the same argument with her; she just wasn’t listening.
“He didn’t need to know about it at all, you’re just… making things up,” she dismissed.
“You were a nurse and a dispatcher, you know that you need as much information as possible to make a full diagnosis about anything,” he said, glaring at her. “Now enough, I don’t want to keep going in circles. We’re never going to agree on this, so what’s done is done. You’re just going to have to accept that now Buck knows about Daniel, and about being a savior sibling.”
“It still wasn’t your place to tell him,” she protested once more.
Chimney stared at her, “But you weren’t going to tell him, none of you were. You were all so adamant about him not knowing that he would have gone a lifetime without knowing about a brother you three wanted to forget. I can’t imagine Cap wanting to forget about his kids just because they’re gone. The thing is, when I look at it, your parents didn’t just forget about Daniel; they forgot about Buck as well. He was unwanted and unloved by them,” he stated.
“But he was loved,” she said as she went over to the couch and sat down, sighing as she got off her feet.
“By you, yes. But they don’t. Stop trying to push that on Buck; he’s never going to accept it,” he told her. “He loves you still, Maddie, but he needs some time to process what he’s learned,” his voice now going gentle.
“He-” she began again.
“Maddie, when I first met Buck, he was lost, alone, and wanting to prove himself. He was a wild child, yeah, but he tempered it with compassion and kindness. To him, he wasn’t worth anything. He would be the one to push us out of danger and take the pain instead of us. Not wanting to see us hurt. But it went deeper than that. He didn’t see himself as worth anything. He had nothing to really live for, in his eyes. After meeting your parents, I can see why. The way that they berate and belittle him. Putting him down, he had no self-esteem because of them. He had no value for his own life because to him, and them, it meant nothing. Buck’s not that wild, lost kid anymore. He’s grown up, has a life. He has people that love and care for him, and things he wants to do,” Chimney told her, wondering if she even saw her brother as the adult he was, or still as the kid she had left behind when she had gone to college.
“He needs to learn how to listen and to respect people’s boundaries,” she huffed, rubbing her stomach a few times.
Chimney couldn’t help but snort at that. “Maddie, you’re the one who doesn’t respect people’s boundaries. You ignore him when he says he has something to do and turn up on his doorstep without warning. You have a go at him each time that he tells you that he’s out and busy doing something. Hell, Maddie, you called him nineteen times when you found out that he’d gone to the zoo with Eddie and Chris.”
“I’m his sister; he should prioritize me,” she growled a little at the mention of the two.
“Wow, entitled,” Chimney exclaimed, looking at her in shock.
“Well, I’m his family,” she said, as though that explained everything.
“You might be his sister, but you haven’t been in his life for long. You’ve been back for about two years. It’s been just two years. And you’ve taken no steps to get to know what Buck is really like. You still treat him like a kid that can’t do anything for himself, forgetting that he’s been without you in his life since he was nineteen,” he added, shaking his head as he got up and headed to make himself a drink. He grabbed the tea that Maddie liked and began to prepare one for both of them.
“I’m his sister,” Maddie said after a few minutes of silence.
“It doesn’t matter. Buck has a life, and he’s living it. You’re being entitled beyond a doubt to believe that he should bow down to your whims all the time. You walk over every single boundary that he has put in place. You don’t care how inconvenient you make his life at times. And you have, you treat him so badly sometimes, that it does make me wonder if you even care about him.”
“Of course I fucking care about him,” Maddie said as she got to her feet and walked over, “I love him, he’s my brother and he-”
“Is his own person with his own life, and you don’t care about that as long as he’ll do what you want when you want it,” Chimney interrupted her. “I even helped you make life miserable for him at times,” he said quietly. “I’m trying to be a better person than I was three years ago. I’ve changed and grown, but I want to be even better for our child,” he said as he turned to face her, “At the moment, I want to spend a lifetime with you, but what I’m seeing is making me start to question that. I hate that you’re making me backslide. I don’t want that. I don’t want to be the guy I was back then. I hated him. I like who I’m being now, someone that I hope my kid can be proud of.”
“Backsliding, and how the hell would I be causing that?” she demanded.
Chimney turned to look at her, “Maddie, I don’t want to be the guy who ignores when a subordinate goes to them with a grievance and ignores it. I don’t want to be the guy who will tease and bully someone because of what they do in their life. I don’t want to be the one to bring someone down because they are enjoying life and living it to their fullest. I don’t want to be the one who tries to control what someone else does. And you were dragging me back into doing that with Buck. I am not going to be that guy again.”
Maddie stared at him, “I’m not making you do anything.”
“No, you’re not, you’re just enabling me, and trying to get me to help you control Buck. It’s not ever going to happen,” he stated, staring at her, “I’m not going back to that, so stop trying to get me to agree to getting Buck to do what you want.”
“I-” she began.
“Stop it, Maddie,” he snapped at her, “It’s not happening. Get it in your head that I’m not going to help you with Buck.”
Maddie growled and turned. Slipping on her shoes and leaving the apartment with her bag.
Chimney slumped against the counter and sighed heavily. “So fucking stubborn,” he said miserably.
Chapter Twenty-One
Eddie walked out of Christopher’s room. The nine-year-old had been able to get two stories out of them before finally succumbing to sleep. Buck had gone after the first story to clean up after Christopher’s Lego explosion in the living room.
“Finally asleep. I thought I was going to have to ask Abuela to come over and sing him to sleep,” Eddie joked lightly as he walked into the living room to help Buck with the last of the cleanup.
“Oh?” Buck asked, glancing up at him, “Never heard you say that before.”
“When he was little, Abuela used to call Shannon and Chris just as much as I did. She came to visit a few times, staying with Shannon. Helping her out and keeping my parents at bay,” he stated, “She often sang him to sleep. When we first arrived, we stayed with Abuela while some work was being done on the house, so it’ll be easier for Chris to get around. She used to sing him to sleep every single night. No story, just singing. When we moved, sometimes I would have to get her on the phone, because he wouldn’t settle down to sleep,” he smiled fondly, “I have to admit, I’d be halfway to sleep as well, when she was done.”
Buck smiled at the little story, “Sounds great. I was always reading as a kid, I’d fall asleep with a book in my hand. I think I read the start of a chapter a dozen times, because I kept going to sleep before I could finish it, and I could never remember where I was apart from the chapter number,” he grinned.
Eddie laughed as they finished cleaning up, “Honestly, he’s got so much Lego,” he muttered as he looked at the two buckets full that had been brought into the living room.
“He does have a lot, and maybe a couple of sets,” Buck said, trying to look innocent.
“Buck,” Eddie said in that warning tone that he often used.
“They were on sale, and I know that these Chris will like,” he said, “and three for Christmas,” he added.
Eddie shook his head, “Alright, I’ll let you get away with that, but honestly Buck, no more Lego,” he stated.
Buck just grinned and shrugged, not commenting either way.
Eddie was about to say something more when someone started pounding on the door. “I bet you that’ll be Maddie. I’m surprised she’s taken this long to come here,” he said instead.
Buck sighed, about to head out and stop her.
“No, I’ll deal with this. I know you need time still,” he stated softly, reaching out and putting a hand on Buck’s arm.
“Thanks, but I can,” Buck said, shaking his head, about to insist that he would be fine to deal with his sister.
“No, I know you can, but this would be giving Maddie what she wants, which is you,” Eddie reminded him. “Now, let me deal with her,” he grinned a little.
“Just remember, too much stress isn’t good for the baby,” Buck sighed, biting his lip as he looked at Eddie.
“I know, and I’ll take that into account, but I’m not letting her in the house,” he said, smiling at him, “If that’s her.”
Buck nodded and watched as Eddie headed to the front door. He remained in the living room and sat on the couch. He would be able to hear everything. He just hoped she would keep it down since Christopher had just gone to sleep.
Eddie opened the front door just as Maddie was about to start pounding on it again. “I’ve just gotten Christopher to sleep. Keep doing that, and I’ll just call the police to have you escorted away for causing a nuisance,” he warned her.
“I want to see Evan,” she demanded as she tried to push past him and into the house.
“I’m not letting you inside at all, so you can remain there. And Buck isn’t going to be coming out either. So leave,” he stated.
“No, not until I talk to Evan, he’s not answering his phone at all,” she demanded.
“That’s because at the moment, you’re blocked. You were told that he needed some time to process what he’s been told,” Eddie said, walking out of the house and pulling the door till it was almost closed.. “Now I suggest again that you go home.”
“Not without seeing Evan. He needs to talk to me, and I don’t want you interfering with a family problem,” she said as she tried to push past Eddie again.
“No,” Eddie stated simply, crossing his arms in front of him and blocking her way, “Not happening.”
Maddie growled, “You get my brother out here now!” she yelled, “I need to talk to him, he needs to know that he’s loved and wanted by our parents and me.”
Eddie couldn’t help but scoff at that. “You might love him, but even that is conditional,” he told her, “As for your parents. No, they don’t.”
“They do, they always have, they just have difficulty showing it at time-” she tried to defend her parents, as she always did when confronted with reality.
“Maddie, stop fucking lying to everyone and to yourself. If they had cared, then we would have known he had parents. They would have been somewhat present in his life. I didn’t even know he had parents until he mentioned them when he had to talk to them about you. When you had been kidnapped by Doug and rescued,” he stated, shaking his head and looking down at her.
Maddie flinched at the name of her abusive ex-husband. “Don’t… don’t,” she began. Shaking herself a little, she looked up at him and sneered, “Evan needs to come out here. I need to speak with him, and I don’t want you getting in the way. You get him out here now!” she demanded.
“No,” he said once more, “Get it through your head, Maddie, Buck isn’t going to come out. I’m not going to let you keep walking all over him because you have a fantasy that you’re trying to make a reality. It’s not going to work because we’re not characters in a fucked up storybook,” he hissed at her, glaring as she stomped her foot like Christopher used to do when he was really little. “Stop trying to make him believe something that he’ll never be able to believe. Maybe you should try listening to him instead,” he stated, glaring right back.
“You know nothing of my family, of what it’s been through,” she told him, shaking her head and looking like she was about to cry.
“I know enough. I know that your parents had Buck try to save your brother, Daniel. Then, when it didn’t work out like they wanted, they abandoned Buck. They got you to take care of him, to be his parent, because they didn’t want to. They abused you, Maddie, they made you the parent when you were just a kid. That’s parentification,” he said, trying a different angle with her, hoping that it might work in getting her to see what the hell was going on in her family.
“They needed help, that’s all I did. They… they loved him,” she tried to say once more.
“Maddi you’ve been saying that constantly since your parents turned up. Trying to force Buck to see things your way. But where were you when he was ten? Where were you when he was fourteen? What about seventeen?” he asked her, “You weren’t in his life by that point. So you only have what they say, and what they are saying is lies. Have they never lied to you before?” he frowned as he waited for her to answer.
“They only did that to protect me,” she stated, waving a hand and trying to dismiss what she had just said.
“Then are they protecting you now?” he asked her, “Are they lying to protect you because you’re pregnant?”
“No, they… they don’t need to do that anymore,” she said, “Stop trying to twist what they do around to fit your narrative.”
“But that’s exactly what you’re doing as well,” Eddie pointed out to her, “Now, leave, Buck isn’t coming out, and we have plans for the rest of the night.” Those plans were mostly watching random shit they could find on Netflix that Christopher would judge them for if he were awake.
“I just want to tell him that we love him,” Maddie said, going back to why she had turned up on Eddie’s doorstep.
Eddie rolled his eyes. “Like I said, he knows you love him, but it does feel conditional to him. But that’s more because of the way you behave around him. It’s time to realize that Buck is his own person,” he added, “You love him, want to be there for him, but as soon as he starts to try and do things he wants to do, against what you believe he should be doing, you cut him out of your life, start pestering him and trying to run over him to get your way. You did that after the bombing; you didn’t like it that I was in charge of his medical decisions, and not you. You tried to get what you wanted forced through, thankfully, I caught on to what you were doing, or Buck would have had his wings clipped by you, and he wouldn’t have been able to go back to work at all. Like the last operation, he needed to ensure he’d be able to return to work. You didn’t want him to have it, so when he went ahead, you stopped talking to him for three weeks. That is conditional love. As long as Buck does what you want, you are there for him. The moment he does something for himself, you act like he’s not entitled to his own thoughts and feelings.”
“I’m trying to protect him,” she stated, “You and the others, you just want to see him hurt. His job is so dangerous, and none of you care.”
“No, that’s not what’s going on. If the job were so dangerous, then you would have had Chimney quit. You didn’t, so it’s not about the job; it’s not about keeping Buck safe. It’s about control, and that’s what you want, control,” he said, shaking his head.
“I don’t, now get-”
“No,” he stated.
“Evan!” she yelled out. “Get out here!” she continued.
“You wake my son up, and I will call the cops,” Eddie hissed at her.
Buck opened the door and held up a hand to stop her from talking, “I don’t want to speak to you, I don’t want to see you. I don’t want you contacting me unless you are giving birth. At the moment, I can’t stand the fucking sight of you or the screech of your voice,” he stated, not even looking at her as he spoke, he was looking to the side of her.
“Evan,” she snapped, stepping into his view.
Buck turned around, “I said what I said, now leave,” he finished as he walked back inside.
“Evan!” she called out.
“Maddie, leave. This is your last chance before I call the cops,” Eddie said as he pulled out his phone.
Maddie stomped her foot and left. Eddie made sure she was gone before going back inside.
Buck was standing there, looking torn as Eddie wrapped his arms around him. “I don’t know what I should do, Eds.”
“You take time for yourself. Hit up your therapist and talk it over with them. I’m going to be right here, doing what I can to protect you as well,” Eddie said, his words soft as he held Buck for a few more moments before they separated, “Now, I’ll grab the beers, and you find us something to watch?” he suggested.
Buck gave him a weak smile and nodded, “Yeah, that sounds good,” he nodded as he turned to head into the living room.
Eddie’s phone buzzed, and he growled as he saw Maddie’s name. “Looks like I need to block her as well,” he thought, as he read the message telling him to keep out of her family’s business. “Not going to happen,” he said as he put the phone away and headed to Christopher’s room first, to make sure that the kid was still sleeping after Maddie’s loud visit. Eddie snorted as he saw that his son had starfished on the bed and kicked his blankets off. He covered him up again before heading to the kitchen and grabbing the beer.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Buck walked into work the next day, feeling a lot more stable after what he had learned. He’d taken the time in the morning to have an emergency meeting with Dr Copeland. It had helped, talking with her, though he would have another appointment with her after their shift the next day, a longer one. To help him come to terms with what he had learned.
“How are you doing?” Chimney asked when the man walked into the locker room.
“I’m doing okay,” Buck answered, “I don’t-”
“Hey, I’m only going to ask that, nothing else,” he reassured him. “I know shit is… not good. Eddie told me Maddie showed up. He’s pissed, I’m pissed, and I know you are. Which you have every right to. So, how about them Dodgers?” he asked, trying to lighten the mood.
Buck laughed and shook his head, “Wow, you that hard up for topics?” he asked.
“Nope, I have more in reserve,” Chimney grinned at him.
“Come on, let’s get ready and get up there,” Buck said as he quickly put his things away. Eddie was already up in the loft, as Buck had remained in the truck for his appointment with Dr Copeland.
Chimney nodded, and the two got ready and headed up.
XxXxX
Buck was sitting on the edge of the ambulance, oxygen mask on, as Hen and Chimney checked him over. He had managed to get the last of the workers out of the factory, but it had been close. Buck hadn’t been willing to leave them behind, and the rest of the 118 had come in to help him. “Thanks,” he said as he moved the mask. Only for Eddie to reach over and put it back.
“Keep it on,” he stated as he glared at Buck.
Buck rolled his eyes, but left it. He hated talking with the mask on; it was like he couldn’t be understood clearly through it.
“Well,” Athena said as she walked over, a smile on her face, “Good to see you in one piece,” she told him.
“Buck was able to find the last of the victims and managed to get him out,” Bobby said, a hint of pride in his voice as he spoke.
“With help,” Buck said, quickly moving the mask and then putting it back before anyone could admonish him for it.
“Maybe, but you remained there and helped him out. Without you, he wouldn’t be here,” Athena said, having heard a lot of what was going on over the radio as she was near the IC for most of the fire.
“Well, it’s now a trip to the hospital to get checked out and make sure he really is fine. He sounds it, but I’d still like a professional to check him out,” Hen said as she tucked her kit away again.
“I’ll get him there,” Bobby said. “We’ll take the command truck,” he stated. It was still at the station, but he could see that Buck didn’t need to be rushed to the hospital, and he doubted Buck would appreciate the trip in an ambulance.
“Alright,” Hen said, “As long as he keeps the oxygen for now,” she said, glaring at the young man, who rolled his eyes and nodded. “Good,” she grinned as she looked at the others.
“We’ve still got the fire to get back under control,” Bobby said, “But then we’ll be let go as soon as that happens. Another crew is going to be brought in to deal with the hot spots,” he added, “So Hen, keep an eye on Buck, the rest of you, back to the hoses,” he finished.
Eddie squeezed Buck’s shoulder. “Take it easy,” he admonished gently, before heading off with the others.
“I second that,” Chimney added, grinning at him before leaving as well.
Athena was the only one to remain, “Well, Buck,” she said, “Glad to see you safe, but try not to worry us too much.” She smiled at him, looking at him proudly.
Buck nodded and settled down to wait for the fire to be under control and the 118 to be let go. Buck watched as Eddie and the others got back to work. He wanted to go and join them, but he could feel Hen’s eyes on him each time he made a slight move. It was another couple of hours before the 118 was released from the scene. When they got back to the station, Bobby took Buck to the local hospital for a check-up and X-ray to ensure he was okay.
Buck returned to the station with a clean bill of health, just a sore throat. He got out and smiled as he saw Eddie waiting for him, “Hey Eds,” he greeted, his voice sounding a little rough.
“You good?” he asked, walking over to him.
“Clean bill of health, just a sore throat,” Bobby was the one to answer. We should be offline for a little while longer, but if we get a call out, he’s man behind,” he finished as he patted Buck on the back before walking into the station.
“It’s annoying,” Buck huffed a little, giving a slight cough. “I’ll be fine soon,” he said as he saw the concern on Eddie’s face.
“I know, but still. I don’t like it when you’re hurt,” Eddie said softly as they headed into the station themselves.
Buck nodded, “Same here,” he added, bumping into Eddie, to remind him that he was fine and there, right beside him.
“Buck,” Chimney called, “Got something hot for you to eat, well, it’s soup. Hen made it,” he added as he stood at the balcony looking down on them as they walked in.
“Thanks,” Buck called back, smiling at his friend as they headed up and smelled the chicken soup that Hen had made. Hen tended to make the soup each time someone ended up with smoke inhalation and returned. It was something she had learned to make from her grandmother. Buck sat down as Hen dished him up a large bowl and some crusty bread that Bobby had made at home to bring in for the shift.
“Eat up, I’m going to restock the ambo,” she told him, hugging him lightly before heading off. It was only he, Eddie, and Chimney left up in the loft after she had gone down the stairs. Bobby had gone to his office to write up the report for the callout. While most of the others had headed to the bunk room to get some sleep.
Buck began to eat, enjoying the taste of the soup. “Hey, Chim,” he began slowly, “I know I said I didn’t want to talk about it, but I want to ask questions, just a couple, and learn what you know.”
“That’s fine, this is on your timetable, Buck, not mine, Maddie’s, or anyone else’s,” he reassured him, moving over to the table with coffee for himself and Eddie, and one of the honey teas that he knew Buck enjoyed and one that would help with his throat.
“Thanks,” Buck said, dunking some of the bread into the soup before eating it. “I just… what happened exactly? What do you know about it? Because I…” he sighed and shrugged.
“I’ll just tell you what Maddie told me over the last couple of weeks about it,” Chimney told him, “Right, so Daniel was about five when they first started noticing there was something wrong with him. He was six when he was diagnosed with leukemia. They went through treatments for the first year, and it looked like he was getting better, but then it came back and was even more aggressive. He was getting worse when they decided to try to have another child who was a match for Daniel. It was a long shot. But you came out, and you were a match. Your umbilical cord was used to try to help first. It helped him a little, but by the time you were a year old, he was fading fast. The transplant happened. And you went home, Maddie was the one to take care of you, with Phillip occasionally coming to help. Your mother remained at the hospital with Daniel almost constantly, barely coming home during the two months that he was there. Maddie said that things were looking up. She said that Margaret was getting excited. The last time she came home, she was saying that Daniel was getting better, then two weeks later, Daniel was gone. She overheard that he’d become ill with a cold or something, that compromised him badly, that and the transplant starting to be rejected, caused him to pass.”
“So it wasn’t even the fact that I failed, it was more because the match didn’t work and Daniel was rejecting it,” Buck clarified for himself, but looking at Chimney for confirmation.
“Yeah,” Chimney nodded. “Maddie was still taking care of you. Margaret couldn’t be around you without breaking down at the time. Phillip was quiet, according to Maddie, still helping out occasionally with your care, but Margaret remained away from you as much as she could. A week after Daniel’s funeral, they moved, and all trace of him vanished from their lives, and Maddie was basically brainwashed into not revealing his existence to you or anyone.”
“I just can’t get how they could have hidden him away like that,” Eddie said, shaking his head a few times as he held his coffee between both hands, moving it around a little.
“Neither do I,” Chimney said, “I know why Maddie remained quiet. She told me that any time she mentioned Daniel for that first year, Margaret would get frantic, and would be screaming mad at her. Phillip would take her aside every single time and remind Maddie not to say anything. Things got better, but that was more because Maddie never mentioned him again after that point. She had wanted to tell you a few times, but that fear of her parents finding out.”
“They would have stopped her. They loved her, but that wouldn’t have stopped them from yelling at her.” Buck nodded, taking in what Chimney had told him and going over it a few times.
“They do love her, I can see that when they were together,” Chimney admitted, “she… talks to them on the phone often. I thought you were also in contact with them until Maddie mentioned that only she was. Which is why I let you know they were on the way. There had to be a reason why you don’t talk to them,” he added quietly, “You’re not the type to cut people out of your life.”
Buck sighed, eating the last of his bread and slowly sipping at the soup. “You’re right, I’m not. Hell, I still tried to talk with them, even after I left, along with Maddie. I know that she… was in a bad place,” he stated, “But I didn’t know that at the time. I left, only sending her postcards and trying to contact her when I could. My parents. I called them occasionally, but they never once picked up. Not once, so I stopped calling, gave up on contacting them, and having them in my life. I think that was about a year after I left,” he shrugged before finishing his soup.
“They never once called back? What if something happened to you?” Chimney asked, “Even though Dad and I weren’t really talking, he would be informed if anything happened to me. Hell, when I got in an accident when I was in my late teens, he was called, and he even came over to see me. And we’re mostly estranged.”
“I was in an accident, they were still my next of kin, they told the hospital that they got the wrong number, and that they don’t know anyone by the name of Evan Buckley. The thing is, the hospital hadn’t mentioned my name; they had just said their son, before they were interrupted, and Margaret yelled at them,” Buck told him. “After that, I never really had a next of kin or medical proxy until I joined the 118, and for a while it was Bobby, and then Eddie.”
“Well,” Eddie said, “That’s a them problem, you’ve got good people around you now.”
“Right,” Chimney agreed, “You have Bobby, and he’s practically your dad. Athena’s like a mom to you at times,” he grinned.
Buck smiled and nodded, “Yeah, they’ve been parents to me more in the last year than the bios have been since I was born.” He got up and put away the bowl, yawning.
Chimney stood up, “I’ll do that, Eddie, get him down to the bunk room and make sure he gets some sleep,” he ordered.
“Sure,” Eddie nodded, getting up and guiding a protesting Buck down the stairs toward the bunk room.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Buck’s day off was spent with Eddie and Christopher. Visiting the zoo when they could, spending some time with Pepa and Abuela. Helping to build some raised flower beds for Abuela, as they had been saying they would for a few weeks. Now, he was almost at the end of another shift. It had been a good one, a very Q-word shift. Nothing like their last one. Chimney had told him that Margaret and Phillip had now parked the RV in a campground, but had gone and booked themselves a hotel to remain in while they stayed a little longer. Buck had hoped they would have gone back to Hershey already.
Buck got up, ready to follow Eddie to the truck so they could head home, when he sighed as he saw Maddie walking toward them. “Carry on, I’ve got this,” he said, as he patted Eddie on the arm, as the man started to stop to remain with him.
“You sure?” he asked, “I could always get Chim?” he suggested, “It might be wise.”
“It’ll be fine,” Buck reassured him, thankful that he didn’t see their parents hanging around either.
“Alright,” Eddie replied, but didn’t sound convinced that it was a good idea. He headed off, Maddie smirking smugly at him as they passed each other.
“Wipe that look off your face, Maddie,” Buck told her, keeping his voice and face blank. “I asked him to go, now, what are you doing here?” he asked, “If you want Chimney, he’s still inside,” he added, about to follow Eddie.
“I’m here for you,” she stated, “Evan-”
“Buck, at least call me by the name I’ve chosen, not the name that you and they like to spit,” he interrupted her, rolling his eyes at her constant disrespect and disregard for his boundaries.
“Buck,” she said, saying it the same way their parents would say his given name.
“Right, I’m done,” he said as he turned and began to follow Eddie to his truck.
“No, wait, Buck, please,” she said, almost begging. This time, the name sounded normal.
Buck turned to face her. “I did tell you that I needed some time, and you really just won’t give it to me,” he sighed, getting sick of her attitude toward him.
“I just… I wanted to let you know that I’m hosting another family dinner tomorrow night. I want you there,” she began to tell him. There was an expectation of what she wanted him to agree to in her voice. Like it was a foregone conclusion that he would be attending.
“No,” Buck answered her quickly, “Not doing it.”
“Buck, please, they want to try, at least give them a chance to make things right between you all,” she said, pleading with him. “I don’t know what happened, I really don’t, but they are willing.”
“No, Maddie, just not going to happen. I’m not going to put myself through that again,” he repeated, shaking his head and wanting to head toward Eddie.
“Buck!” she yelled out, this time with tears in her eyes, and Buck knew he was going to end up going.
“Maddie, stop it!” Chimney called out as he walked over, “What are you doing here? You know you were told not to come here,” he reminded her, trying to guide her away.
“No, I’m doing another family dinner, Howie. You, me, Albert, and E-Buck,” she said, “Along with my parents.”
“I’m not going,” Buck said, “I won’t be there at all,” he repeated himself, looking at Chimney.
“You have to come,” Maddie said, pulling away from Chimney and moving closer to Buck again.
“I’m not,” Buck said for what he felt like was the millionth time, “Look, you want a relationship with them, fine, I don’t. I’ve gone without one for years, and I don’t need it now that I’m happy and settled with my life.”
“Please,” she said, tears now falling down her face.
“N-” he began, he cut himself off and inwardly smirked as he said, “I’ll only come if Eddie can join us?” he said. He knew that Maddie hated Eddie, but it should be entertaining for the two of them if he were able to come.
Chimney smirked from behind Maddie, knowing exactly what Buck was thinking, as he was now thinking the same. Eddie gave no shits most of the time. He could also be a petty bastard at times, and Buck and Chimney, as did most of the 118, enjoyed his sarcastic and deadpan barbs when not aimed at them.
“No,” she said, shaking her head.
“Then I won’t be there,” he said, now walking away.
Maddie growled as she looked at Chimney as though he would be able to do something. “Howie, I need this dinner to go right, and I need him there.”
Chimney sighed as he answered her, “Well, you’re going to have to compromise and allow Eddie to come.”
“I don’t want him there,” she argued, “He’ll-”
“He’ll what?” Chimney asked her, “Stick up for Buck, since you won’t. Be on Buck’s side and call out your parents about their bad behaviour?” he questioned, shaking his head, “Well, good. That’s what’s needed with them. Since I was doing what I could to make sure that Buck wasn’t going to be put down, belittled, and basically bullied by you and your parents.”
“Ugh,” she stomped her foot as she watched her brother start to get into Eddie’s truck. “Fine,” she spat as she stormed over. “Ev-Buck,” she called out, stopping him.
Buck turned to look at her, “What, Maddie?” he asked, staring at her.
“Fine, he can come, but don’t… make a scene,” she began, wanting to get her rules over before Buck could say anything.
“I’m not going to promise anything like that,” he told her, shaking his head. “The same thing applies as last time. That is the only way I’m going to be dealing with them,” he warned her, looking down at his sister as her face contorted in annoyance.
“Fine,” she huffed, “But try not to,” she pleaded with him.
“As long as they do the same, I won’t say a thing to them. I don’t want this dinner; I don’t want to reconcile with two people who have ignored my existence for the last almost thirty years. You want this wholesome family, and it’s a pipe dream, Maddie. You’re pushing what you want on others, as you have done since you got to LA,” he rolled his eyes at her as he opened the truck door. “What time tomorrow is the dinner?” he asked her.
“The same as last time, six,” she answered him, scowling as Eddie gave her a little smirk and a wave.
“Then I’ll see you then,” he said, getting in and closing the door.
“What was that about?” Eddie asked as she started up the truck and began to back out of his usual spot. Maddie moved aside as he did so.
“Dinner with my parents tomorrow night, you in?” he asked, sounding cheerful, but not really looking it.
“Right,” he said, “Sure, I’ll come, as long as no one tries to call me Edmundo.”
“Most likely they’ll try calling you Edward, and then Edwardo,” he smirked.
Eddie laughed, “Well, I’m not going to answer at all to that,” he added as he then pulled a face.
“Don’t, they still don’t like the fact that I won’t answer them if they call me Evan. I’m not going to back down on this. Chimney is happy to use both. But they call him Howard, and I think he only lets them since it’s ingrained with him to respect his elders,” he rolled his eyes.
“So am I, but I’m not letting them get away with it,” Eddie huffed, turning onto the main street away from the station.
“Chimney isn’t exactly the same, Eddie and Edmundo, which is a derivative of it. Chimney is a full-on out nickname with no connection to his given name,” Buck reminded him. “It does, to those outside of the station, feel odd and kinda childish,” he finished, glancing over at Eddie.
“Yeah, I remember Chris’ reaction when he learned that Chim wasn’t called Chimney,” he snorted, “Do you know the story behind it?” he then asked.
“Nope, Hen and Chim are the only ones that know. Since Chim got his nickname around the time she started at the 118, according to them,” Buck laughed lightly.
Eddie shook his head slightly as he concentrated on the road ahead, “Dinner… should be fun,” he stated.
“Yeah,” Buck snorted, shaking his head, “Maddie isn’t happy that you’re coming, but I told her that if you don’t, I won’t be there,” he told him.
“Good,” Eddie nodded as he then asked, “Right, we have a couple of hours before Chris needs collecting from Tia Pepa’s,” he said, “Sleep?” he asked.
“Sleep,” Buck agreed with him, “While the shift was… calm, it was boring as hell and I’m tired as fuck because of it,” he muttered, “If it was busy, full of calls, I’d be energetic as fuck.”
Eddie laughed, “Yeah, I feel like that as well. Get some sleep, pick up Chris, and then eat out? Or cook?”
“Cook,” Buck answered, “I’ve already got a few things in for that curry Chris wanted, but we never got around to doing,” he added, “Should still be good.”
“Sounds good to me,” he nodded as they changed topic and began to talk about something else for the rest of the drive.
XxXxX
Maddie watched as her brother and Eddie drove out of the parking lot. “I hate him,” she muttered as she walked over to Chimney.
“Well, that’s a little tough, Eddie is your brother’s best friend and that’s never going to change,” he told her, “You’re going to have to find a way to accept him and tolerate him. He’s a good man, and a really good dad. If I’m even half way as good as him, I’ll be a happy man and father,” he stated.
Maddie scowled at that as she led the way to where she was parked. Hen had given him a lift to work that morning, as Albert wanted to borrow his car for the day. Hen was supposed to drop him off, but he had waved at the woman and told her that he was going with Maddie when she asked as she was leaving.
“I don’t care, and I don’t see how he’s a good dad, if he’s hanging around Bu-” Maddie began.
“Buck’s a good dad as well. Christopher looks up to Buck,” Chimney said before she could finish her sentence, “I have no clue why you want to disregard your brother and what he can do. But he’s been a parent to Chris for a long time. Those two have been co-parenting that kid almost from the moment Buck and Christopher met.”
Maddie looked at him as she stood by her car, “I don’t care, Buck shouldn’t be in charge of a child, you know he’s a kid himself.”
“Maddie, I may joke that he’s a kid, but he isn’t. Buck is a great person to have around children, not because he is one, but because he doesn’t treat them like idiots, as most of us do. He treats them with respect and listens to them. Hell, even Hen and Karren have told me that they’ve changed the way they speak with Denny after watching him with their son. Denny listens to Buck, looks up to him just like Chris does. So do the kids we meet on the job, he’s the one who deals with them the most,” he told her, shaking his head. “Now, let’s go home. I’m tired from work, and I want some sleep,” he said, going quiet as he got in the car.
Maddie huffed, but got in and drove them home. She tried a few more times to talk with Chimney, but he shut her down each time she began to talk down about Buck, Eddie, or anyone else. He wasn’t in the mood to listen to her ranting; he wanted to go home, sleep, and maybe book an appointment with his therapist.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Buck walked to the door and knocked. Eddie followed behind him. Albert had managed to get out of this family dinner, opting instead to meet up with a friend. Buck couldn’t see the rental car that he knew his parents had, since Chimney had warned him about it. Making sure that the two didn’t turn up wherever Buck was. “I really wish that I had kept with the no.”
“I’m not,” Eddie smirked, “I’m going to cause trouble,” he said, looking like he was going to enjoy the upcoming meal and not for the food, either.
“Eds,” Buck said, rolling his eyes, but started to smile.
“Well, maybe not right off the bat,” Eddie added, “But if they do one thing, I’m gonna let rip. I don’t give a fuck about Maddie and her feelings. She brought this shit on herself,” he said, shrugging at the slight warning tone in Buck’s voice.
“That’s fine, but don’t start anything, just finish it,” Buck said as the door finally opened and Chimney stood there.
“Hey, Buck, Eddie,” he greeted as he smiled at the two, “I really wish I were Al,” he said as he thought of his brother being able to get out of the dinner.
“Same,” Buck nodded.
“You agreed to this,” Eddie reminded him.
“More because I know my parents are going to say something, and since they don’t listen to me, I thought, who better to get the point across than my petty and bitchy best friend?” Buck grinned at him.
Chimney snorted, “I should have prepared popcorn for tonight,” he said as he let the two inside. “Just don’t let Maddie know what you’re planning,” he added as he closed the door.
“Don’t worry, I’ll be perfectly polite unless they aren’t,” Eddie smiled as they walked in. Maddie was moving around the table, setting it. “Maddie,” he greeted, “You’re looking good.”
“Eddie,” she said, looking like she was sucking on the sourest lemon in the world.
Eddie just smiled at her as he walked past and let Buck greet his sister.
“Maddie,” Buck nodded at her, not giving her the usual hug they would often share when they met.
Maddie felt disappointed when Buck didn’t move closer to her, “E-Buck,” she said, changing the fact that she was about to use his given name. “They’ll be here soon,” she said.
“Right,” he nodded as he went and followed Eddie to where he and Chimney had started talking. “Hey,” he said as he looked at the two of them. “Let’s hope this isn’t the bad idea we all think it is.”
Chimney snorted, “Maddie has been… frantic about this working. That you and your parents will have this really nice reconciliation and that all is going to be happy and light from now on.” He rolled his eyes, “She’s got this image in her head, and nothing is going to shake it.”
Buck barked out a laugh, “Yeah, not going to happen. Let’s see if I can get it through to them this time.”
“If not, I will be,” Eddie smirked.
“You two are going to make life hell, entertaining, but hell,” Chimney said, but shook his head and took charge of making sure the table was set and the drinks ready. Eddie was not going to drink, knowing he would be the one driving Buck that night. Fifteen minutes later, Margaret and Phillip were being shown into the living room, where Buck, Chimney, and Eddie were talking.
“Mom, Dad,” Buck said with a slight nod of his head.
“Evan,” Phillip began.
“Buck,” all three seated men said as they looked at Phillip.
“I will not be hearing that stupid name,” Margaret huffed.
“Then enjoy the fact that I’m not going to answer you unless you use it,” he warned them.
Phillip and Margaret didn’t look pleased, but they glanced at Maddie and then nodded. “Fine,” Phillip said, “Buck,” he said, spitting it as Maddie smiled.
Maddie moved forward, “Howie, should we get dinner out? It should be ready.” She gestured for her parents to take seats at the table.
“And who is this?” Margaret asked, looking Eddie up and down.
“Buck’s partner,” Chimney said absently, not realizing what he was implying with that.
Buck and Eddie shared a look, but didn’t correct the assumption that Margaret and Phillip had made at that remark.
“I’m Eddie Diaz,” he said, nodding at them, not offering to shake hands.
“And that’s short for-”
“Not something you’re going to know,” Eddie told them, “The only one to call me by my given name is my Abuela, not even my parents do.”
“I see,” Margaret pursed her lips, not happy with that statement as they headed to the table.
Maddie and Chimney began to bring out dinner. “It looks wonderful, Maddie,” Margaret said as she looked at the food as it was dished out.
“Thanks,” Maddie smiled as she carried on talking, her parents ignoring Buck and Eddie, and talking mostly to Chimney, who ignored them most of the time.
Buck and Eddie shared a look, before giving a little snort and finishing their meal.
“That was good, Maddie,” Eddie complimented her, “You’re a good cook, though I still think Buck is better,” he added, glancing at Buck.
“That’s because you’re biased,” Chimney said, “And I’ve never really had his cooking,” he added.
“Yeah,” Eddie nodded, “You have, he cooks at the station almost as much as Bobby does. The chilli that we had three shifts ago, that was all Buck. Bobby had too much paperwork to help, so it was only Buck cooking.”
“Oh,” Chimney nodded, “Yeah, Buck is good, but then again, Bobby has been teaching him since about six months after he had arrived at the 118,” he added.
“Yeah, Bobby’s been great for that,” Buck grinned, “I go to his and Athena’s place at least once a week for a dinner of some kind. We started doing that not long after things settled down at the 118 again after I got back.”
Maddie pursed her lips, “Hmm,” she hummed.
“Maddie,” Margaret said, “Have you had a chance to go through your box, seen some of the pictures in there?” she asked, not happy that Buck was upstaging his sister.
“I have,” she smiled, “There are so many in there, I forgot some of the things that happened when I was young,” she laughed lightly.
“I need to ask,” Chimney began, “Are there any pictures of Maddie with Buck? Or do you have some pictures of Buck when he was growing up?” he asked the two.
“It’s Maddie’s baby box, so no, there wouldn’t be any pictures of ‘Buck’ in there,” Margaret sneered before dropping it when she remembered that it was Maddie’s partner who was asking and not Buck’s, or Buck himself.
“So, alright, not in the box, but what about at home, in the camper. Wouldn’t you have something of your son in them?” Chimney pushed a little more.
Maddie scoffs, “Of course they have pictures of Buck, don’t you, Mom, Dad?” she smiled at the two of them.
Buck couldn’t help but snort at that. “They’d have to had cared about me to have pictures of me,” he told her, “And they never have. So I very much doubt they have a picture of me. If they ever did, no doubt it’s in a landfill somewhere,” he finished, shrugging as he looked at his parents and saw the same sour look on his mothers face as what Maddie was wearing.
“No, they have some, I know they do,” Maddie said, frowning.
“Alright then,” Buck said, hiding a smirk, “If they can produce a single picture of me, one single picture where I’m the main subject of it, and not just in the background, captured by accident, then maybe, I’ll believe you when you say they love me,” he told her.
“Mom, Dad,” Maddie said, looking at them, “Do you?”
Margaret and Phillip didn’t look happy at being put on the spot.
“Any picture, from a birthday of mine, a school event, maybe even one of my picture day pics?” Buck asked them, looking like he was hopeful, but Eddie and Chimney could see that he was actually sure that they didn’t have any photos or keepsakes from his childhood.
“Maddie,” Margaret said, ignoring her son, as she always did.
“Mom,” Maddie said, “prove to him, please,” she said, almost begging.
“We never got the chance to take any of Evan,” Phillip was the one to say.
“No, you just didn’t want to take pictures of the child that you believed failed your son,” Buck stated instead, shaking his head as he looked at them.
Margaret and Phillip stopped, staring at Buck. “How… who do you? Why would you?”
“Why would I know about Daniel, and what happened, and why I was born?” he stated, his voice going cold.
“How dare you tell him!” Margaret hissed as she glared at Maddie and Chimney.
“I warned you all that I would,” Chimney stated, “This is something he should have been told a long time ago.”
“Agreed,” Eddie said, “This is something that Buck should have been told as a child. I don’t get how you could hide away a child. Even if they are gone. I know that Bobby-” a yell cut him off.
“How dare any of you talk about my child, my precious child that he took from me!” Margaret yelled as she pointed at Buck.
Buck stared at her, “And there we go, why you can’t and won’t love me, and never will. You blame me for the death of a child that you wanted. Daniel died from leukemia, not anything I did. I’ve looked into the concept of savior siblings. When you had me, there was no way to make sure that I would be a match for Daniel. The chance of it working was even smaller. With how long he was sick for, and this last attempt, I would say that the chemo he was going through was no longer working?” he asked, as he looked between Maddie and his parents.
Maddie bowed her head, “No, it wasn’t working, hadn’t worked for a while, but he still went,” she murmured.
“Maddie!” Margaret shouted, “You… I don’t want to-”
“Sorry, Mom, but I want to know why exactly you think I’m to blame. He was dying before I was even born?” Buck asked her.
“Yes, they said that the chance of the transplant working was low, especially with how long he would have to wait for it,” Maddie carried on, her posture defeated as tears filled her eyes. She rubbed her bump, “I was so scared back then, Mom and Dad were saying that you were the only hope Daniel had. That there was a chance that he wouldn’t make it,” she said, brushing away some tears.
“It was your fault,” Margaret said, shaking her head and turning to Phillip for comfort.
“No, it wasn’t,” Eddie told them, “It wasn’t his fault, it was no one’s fault that Daniel died, apart from the cancer that ate at him. You… did what you could to make him live, but it was all against you. Blaming Buck and cutting Daniel from your life were the worst things you could have done. Daniel might have only been on this earth for a short time, but he meant the world to all three of you. His life should have been celebrated.”
“How could we celebrate without him?” Phillip said, his voice heavy with grief.
“That was something you should have thought about back then,” Buck said, sighing, “Look, I’m sorry he died, but you took it out on me. With everything you did. You made my life as miserable as you could,” he stated, “And because of that, as far as I’m concerned, you lost a second child, in me. I want nothing to do with either of you. Maddie keeps bringing me into this attempt at family for her child. I will be polite, I will be there, but I will not be a son to you again.”
Silence reigned for a while, as they took in Buck’s words.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Margaret looked up at him after a few moments, “You have no idea what it’s like to lose a child,” she hissed at him, “You have none what so ever!”
Buck’s mind couldn’t help but go back to the tsunami. Eddie looked at Buck and quickly saw what was going on. “He’s safe at home,” Eddie told him, taking a hand and squeezing it tightly.
Buck blinked and looked back at Eddie, “Yeah, yeah,” he said, nodding a few times.
“What are you on about?!” Phillip demanded of the two of them.
Eddie looked at Buck, seeing the go-ahead. “Buck and our son, Christopher, were at the pier when the tsunami hit. They were right on the pier.”
“Son?” Margaret hissed, “How dare you have a chi-”
“Shut up!” Eddie snapped at her, “Christopher is biologically mine, but Buck has been as much of a dad to him as I have. If anything happens to me, Chris goes to Buck. Buck and Chris were on the pier when the tsunami hit. Only thirty-four that were on the pier that day survived out of over one thousand people who were believed to have been on it at the time,” he stated, still horrified by how many had died. “Buck and Chris were able to survive the initial wave. Buck saved Chris, bringing him to a place of safety,” he added, looking at them.
“We were on a firetruck,” Buck carried on, “We were there for hours, I was in and out of the water, rescuing whoever I could.”
“Twenty-three,” Chimney said, “That’s how many were rescued from the firetruck. You pulled out nineteen of them; the other four were able to grab the catch line you put up and pull themselves to safety as the water receded.”
“How do you know?” Maddie asked him, frowning.
“Because some of those that Buck rescued came to the firehouse. There’s a group of them that get together,” Chimney answered.
“Buck and Chris go to them, a way to talk about what happened. But they aren’t the only ones that go to it,” Eddie said, taking hold of Buck’s hand again and holding it tightly. “Christopher fell off the truck when the water started to go back out. He was lost. Buck jumped in after him. But the water separated them. Chris was… lost for a while,” he said, as he felt Buck squeeze his hand in apology.
“See, he-” Margaret began, sneering at Buck.
“Don’t,” Eddie snapped at Margaret before she could say anything more. He knew exactly what she was going to say, having heard it from his own mother about having Buck in his life. “Buck searched for hours, looking for Christopher. The wave hit at 11:04 am. Chris and Buck were on the truck for three hours. At 2:30 ish, the wave started going out, and Chris fell in. Buck dived back into the water after him. It wasn’t until almost one in the morning that I saw Buck at the VA, no Christopher. For ten hours, Christopher was missing, and Buck was searching for him. Saving more and more people as he continued to search for our son, and I like I said, Chris is ours, not just my son,” he said as he looked at Buck, “Buck kept him safe. Christopher may have been separated from him, but he was also safe. He did what his Buck told him to do, to just keep swimming. For a few moments, I believed Chris to be gone, and there is nothing to describe the pain I was feeling at that moment. But I knew Buck had been feeling that pain for the last ten hours, while searching, and hoping that he was okay.”
“That still-” Margaret began again.
“No, it’s not like losing a child, but we can understand the pain that you’re in. I still can’t imagine just forgetting Christopher at all. I can’t,” Eddie said, shaking his head slightly.
“Daniel was sick, you have no idea what that is like, to watch them fade away,” Margaret snapped at them.
“No, we don’t,” Buck said, shaking his head.
“But we know what it’s like watching your child struggle to do things. Christopher has cerebral palsy; he has trouble walking and wasn’t hitting the milestones that most children could. Hell, his first steps didn’t happen until he was almost two; his legs didn’t have the strength before then. Crawling was out for the most part as well. It’s hard to watch as your child struggles to do anything that every other child can do. To see them frustrated and upset because they can’t play the way others do. We get that, we get that we’ve had to adapt things to make it work for him. In three months, maybe four, he’s going to have the choice of another operation. He’s starting to be in pain again, almost constantly, from muscles that don’t want to stretch as they should. This will be the fourth time I will have to see him go under, with all the complications that can arise from it. But I know Buck’s going to be there for it all, for the op, the recovery, the times when Christopher is going to be frustrated, crying, and raging at the world.”
“I didn’t know you were facing that?” Chimney asked.
“We don’t really talk about it at the station. I’ve been going to all the appointments with Chris and Eddie, making sure that I take as many notes as possible on what and when and all that. I’ve also researched what’s going to be done and why it needs to be done. Chris had a small growth spurt, but it was enough that his muscles began to tighten up. It can be put off for another year or two, if Chris wants. But it’s going to happen sooner or later,” Buck said as he glanced over at Chimney.
“Well, damn,” Chimney said, “He’s going to beat all of us in that, isn’t he?” he asked, trying to look on the brighter side of things, and remembering the time he had met and talked with Christopher.
“He will, he might still need more as time goes on. This is op number four. I was hoping we wouldn’t have to do that until at least his mid-teens, maybe even late teens, but the growth spurt changed the timeline a little,” Eddie said.
“I’ll be there,” Buck promised, seeing Eddie smile at him.
“How… no, no, this isn’t right,” Margaret said, “You’re not…” She cut herself off, looking unhappy with what she was hearing.
“No right to what? Have a family and have people who love me. Sorry, Mother,” Buck said with a tone of annoyance, “I have that and more. I have family, I have two people I consider my parents, who aren’t either of you. I have a child whom I consider my son. I have those around me that I call my family over you, any day.”
“We’re not saying that,” Phillip said as he took Margaret’s hand and held it tightly, “We’re just surprised that you have all this and we didn’t know. You…” he trailed off, scowling slightly.
“Well, how would you know anything about Buck?” Eddie asked them both.
“He could have told us,” Margaret snipped.
“When?” Buck asked, “Anytime I called you, you ignored the calls and let it go to voicemail. Any messages were never even read. So, how would you be able to learn about my life? You wouldn’t because you aren’t interested in it,” he stated, rolling his eyes.
“You could have called them,” Maddie said, looking at her brother now with disappointment in her eyes.
“Why would I?” he asked, “I tried that, and they ignored every single call I made. When you were rescued, I called them, and again it went to voicemail. That would be the only time I left a message, and it was with your number. My number has never changed, not once in the last ten years. They have the number; they could have called me back at any time,” he pointed out to her.
“You owe us-” Margaret began.
“I owe you nothing,” Buck told her, “I owe nothing to the two people that should have loved me and refused to even give that a chance. To two people that abused me, locked me away, left me alone, and wanted nothing to do with me?” he shook his head a few times, as he clenched his fists and relaxed them a few times.
Phillip looked at him, “We did nothing of the kind, you were a wild child, always up to something, and we needed to take a firm hand to you. To make sure you did what you were told.”
“It’s abuse,” Buck countered, “When you leave your nine-year-old child home alone for three days. It’s abuse when you lock your child in the attic constantly. It’s abuse when you hit your child several times, enough to leave bruises. It’s abuse that you beat your son and then push him down the stairs, trying to cover the fact that you could have killed them.”
“They… did that with you?” Chimney asked, frowning and not liking the thought of the two people before him being around his child.
“Yeah, they did, they were shit parents to me, and not good people at all,” he said as he looked at his sister, “You say that all the time. They’re not good parents, but are good people. I never once believed it. You say it like you have to believe it. Well, believe it for yourself only, I don’t, and I never have done.”
Eddie looked at the Buckley parents in disgust, “I have no idea how you were able to get away with it.”
“They’re good people!” Maddie yelled out, “They-”
“They what?” Buck asked her, “They at least gave me a roof over my head, food in my belly, that’s the bare minimum of care for a child. It’s the other things that they did that made them bad parents and bad people. And I don’t buy for one minute that I was a wild child. I was crying out for help! For attention! For someone to fucking love me, and neither of you even cared, not once.”
“Of course we cared, we just wanted you to be better!” Phillip argued, raising his voice slightly.
“Better, you abused me to make me better, that’s-” Buck couldn’t even continue, “I have no fucking words.”
Maddie jolted a little at those words. “Doug,” she murmured. “Doug made comments like that, he hit me to make me better.”
“Maddie,” Buck said, his voice now soft.
“He said that to me each time he would hit me. ‘I’m just trying to make you a better wife,'” she said, her voice shaking as she looked at Buck. “Dad,” she then looked at her father, “Please, you know that isn’t right.”
“I misspoke,” Phillip told her, “it was discipline, you remember how wild he was back then,” he said, his voice now calm and soothing to his daughter.
“I do,” Maddie said, as a fond smile now made its way onto her face.
Buck frowned at her behavior, “Maddie,” he said.
“No, he was just disciplining you; it’s nothing like what I went through with Doug,” she said as she looked at her brother. “He was just helping you, trying to make sure you didn’t get yourself killed.”
“I can’t believe that you’re trying to tell me what he did was just-” Buck cut himself off as he looked at her in disgust. “You know what, I actually can believe that you side with them, you always fucking do. You pretend nothing bad happens, all three of you, you’re all fucking assholes,” he said with a humorless laugh.
“I wish you could just drop this. Why can’t I have the family gathering that I want? Why can’t you just do what you’re told?” Maddie begged him, “Please, I just want my child to have all of their family around them.”
Buck stared at her; it was as though the last few moments of their talk had just gone from her mind. Everything about what Phillip had said was no longer there, and it no longer held any meaning. Even Chimney was staring at her like he was seeing her for the first time, and not in a good way either.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Maddie stared at Buck, willing him once more to put everything aside and be there for her, and accept their parents into his life. That was all she wanted from him, and for him to stop with the lies.
“As I said, Maddie,” Buck looked back at his sister, “I want nothing to do with them. I’m happy to be around for your daughter. I will be polite, but they aren’t family to me at all.”
“They are family!” Maddie yelled, “We are family, apart from Eddie,” she added, glaring at the man.
“I’m more family to him than you are. I see Buck, you don’t. None of you actually sees Buck; you see someone who failed the son and brother you wanted. You, Maddie, try to control everything that he does, from who he talks with, his job, and his friends. When he doesn’t do what you want, you try to get everyone else on your side. It’s a good fucking thing none of us listen to you anymore,” Eddie snapped at her. “You’re all a fucking joke,” he told them. “You have two parents so lost in the past that they can’t see what’s in front of them and are abusive as well. A sister who needs to control the world around her brother to feel good about herself. Instead, get some fucking therapy and open your eyes. You’ve lost so much more than a single brother and son. You lost one brother, Maddie, and are about to lose a second. I’ll make sure he blocks you permanently if you don’t stop the shit you’ve been pulling.”
Maddie looked apocalyptic as she turned her attention to Buck, “Are you going to let him talk to me like that?! Talk to us like that?!” she demanded to know.
Buck looked at her, “He’s right. With the way you’ve been acting, I’ve started to put distance between the two of us. I can’t stand the way you’ve been since you got pregnant. I’m just hoping that it’s all hormonal and that you’ll be back to your usual self after. But, Eddie’s right, you’re going to lose me if you carry on, even with some of the behaviors that you had before you got pregnant. I’m not holding my breath, though. You’ve shown me time and time again that you give no fucks about me.”
“Of course I do!” she yelled back, “You’re my brother, my baby brother, and I just want to see you safe,” she said, tears once more in her eyes as she looked pleadingly at Buck.
“No, you don’t. Or you would have listened when I told you they abused me. You just denied it again, right to my face. When I told you that I wanted to kill myself when I was nine. When I wanted to do so again and again as I grew up. They didn’t care, but I had hoped, back then, that you would have done. They verbally abused me, telling me that I was a waste of space, that I should be dead. And fuck, didn’t I wish I was back then. Then it was the slaps, the hits that would rain down when they felt like it. The push down the stairs that had me breaking my leg. You were told I fell out of a tree, that was when I was eleven, by the way. Only half of the injuries I had were because I was looking for the next moment that might kill me. The rest were from them. CPS were involved twice, and you and they managed to get them to leave. Saying that I was exaggerating. Wonder if that would have changed if they knew that I was a failed spare parts baby?” he finished with a sneer at his parents.
“No, you were energetic, wild, liked to try stunts,” Maddie said, shaking her head. Once more, she had basically forgotten some of what they had just talked about.
“I did, but I always hoped that I would end up dead because of them. I was five when I figured out that hurting myself got me some form of attention from them. I was eight when I realized that they stopped pretending to care and stopped doing it. It was also because you weren’t there that they stopped pretending. You did care, but now, I’m not sure. They never once answered the phone after I left, or even called me. The last time I called was when Doug took you, and almost killed Chim,” he said, glancing at Chimney to make sure he was okay. While he knew that the mention of Doug hurt Maddie, it also hurt Chimney. He then looked back at his parents, “You cared about her, but not enough. You were right there, and I know she called you during the time she was with Doug. And neither of you could have been bothered to help her,” he told them as he stood up, “I am not part of this family, I never have been. Maddie, get help, learn how to let go of being a mother to me, because you’re my sister. You should never have been forced to take care of me. Learn to detach, and maybe we can have the relationship we should have had from the start. That of brother and sister. I love you, Maddie, but for now, I think we’re going to have to stay separate until you get the help you need,” he finished as he started to head to the door.
“No, Ev-Buck, please, you’re my brother, I need you here!” Maddie called to him.
Buck turned, “Like I said, Maddie, I will be around, I just… can’t be fully around like you want me to. You pile things on me, walk over my boundaries all the time. Take this separation for what it is, time to evaluate what you’re doing to me,” he said, hugging her before leaving the apartment.
Maddie went to go after him, but Eddie stood up and stopped her, “Leave him alone,” he stated, “He needs time to process everything, and you don’t want to let him.”
Maddie tried to move past him, “I need to talk with my brother.”
“Not happening anytime soon,” Eddie told her. “I can’t believe what I’ve just witnessed,” he said as he kept getting in Maddie’s way.
“MOVE!” she yelled, looking like she was seconds away from hitting him.
“No,” he repeated, “Sit down!” he demanded.
“Maddie,” Chimney called to her, “Sit down,” he said, his voice calm, but there was something in it that compelled her to listen.
Maddie slowly sat down, “I just need to talk to him.”
“You two are abusive little bastards that don’t give a fuck about anyone but yourselves,” Eddie said as he looked at Margaret and Phillip.
“How dar-” Margaret began to protest as she clutched at the pearls she was wearing.
“Fucking shut up,” he growled as he looked at the woman, “You are bastards, the worst type of scum there is, and I have no idea what the fuck you’ve said to Maddie over the last couple of decades, to get her to believe that you’re not abusive, or neglectful, but I don’t care to know. You can keep the little bitch. I’m sorry, Chimney, but I can’t stand her. She’s an entitled fucking asshole who demands her own way. When she doesn’t get it, she throws a tantrum worthy of a two-year-old.”
“I do not!” Maddie yelled at him, “I’m just showing my concern for my brother. He means the world to me and you-”
“I what? Keep him healthy, happy, and make sure that he knows he is loved and cared for without any type of condition attached to it?” he asked her, “You only show him care and love when it’s convenient to you. When he is doing what you want. Or haven’t you even realized that he’s really been putting distance between the two of you over the last few months? Well, even longer, since before the truck bombing. You told him to put you as his medical proxy, and he never did. He knows what you would do; you would have seen him injured enough so he’d have no choice but to do what you want. In the end, it would have killed him, killed off the lovable Buck that we know, all because of your own selfish desires,” he snapped at her, shaking his head.
“You will not talk to my daughter that way,” Phillip said as he stood up.
“You, sir, are no father; no true parent would do what you’ve done. The abuse and neglect, and there is no way for any of you to change my mind on what that was. Maddie, get fucking help. He just gaslit you into believing that he wasn’t abusing Buck. He’s most likely done it for Buck’s entire life, and you saw it before you left. It might even be the reason why you left and cut contact with him for the most part. Kick your parents away, before they drag you down, and I don’t use those words lightly,” he warned her as he then turned to follow Buck.
Maddie went to get up but felt a hand on her arm. “Howie, I need to get to Buck, and he can’t stop me,” she hissed, wrenching her arm away.
“You go after Buck and Eddie, and we won’t be moving in together,” he warned her. “At the moment, I’m struggling to even see the woman I fell in love with before me,” he told her. “You two, leave, now,” he said to her parents. “I don’t want you here.”
“This is my home,” Maddie told him, “They can stay if they want to.”
“Then I’ll be going,” Chimney said as he began to get up. “Eddie is right, Maddie, you’re going to lose Buck at this rate. And I don’t blame him for putting distance between you both; they’re the cause of that.”
“Evan was always a handful, always getting into trouble one way or another. We had to do something to make sure that he wouldn’t grow up spoiled and entitled,” Philip told him, pretending once more that what he had done wasn’t abuse.
“He’s neither of those things, and he has never been that. And that’s not on you, as he raised his fucking self from the moment Maddie left. All you did was abuse him,” Chimney said, “I believe Buck when he said that’s what you did to him. I can see it, hell, no doubt Athena has, and she’ll be baying for blood if she ever comes across either of you.”
“There is nothing to see!” Phillip defended, “He was wilful, he needed to be put in his place,” he said, as Margaret nodded in agreement next to him.
“There is plenty if you know where to look,” Chimney said as he got up. “Maddie, I hope you start to listen to the others around you,” he told her, bending down and kissing her cheek.
“Howie,” she said, as she began to cry.
“I can’t be around them; they’ve caused Buck and you so much pain. And they’ve been fucking triggering as hell. Doug didn’t only attack you that day, Maddie. He almost killed me as well. Each time they talked about him, I felt like I was being stabbed all over again. Worrying about you, thinking I was going to die before I could warn someone that he had taken you. Buck saved my fucking life that night, and he saved yours as well. He went after you, he went after you, and risked getting arrested in doing so. Risked everything for you because he loves you. You’re the one who raised him for those first few years, and he loves and adores you for it. But that can only take you so far when you bring his abusers back into his life. He already said that he’ll be polite to them, and I’ll do the same. To be honest, I’m not sure I want them around our child. Think long and hard about what you want, Maddie. For now, I’m going to head home and hope that you’ll join me later,” he said, kissing her again as he then walked out of her apartment. He could hear Margaret and Phillip talking, but not what they were saying. He hoped she would listen to him and kick them out of her life. They were both so manipulative.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Buck parked the truck in the driveway of the Diaz home, his own jeep right beside it. He glanced over at Eddie, the man had taken his time in joining him, and he was curious as to what the older man had said. They got out of the truck in silence. Glad that Chris was at Pepa’s for the night.
“So,” Buck said as soon as they were inside, “you going to tell me what you said?” he asked.
Eddie nodded, “Not much, just reminded them that they’re bastards and that your sister is a bit of an entitled bitch that doesn’t like it when someone tells her no,” he snorted as he asked, “Beer?”
“Yeah, sure,” he agreed as the two walked into the kitchen and Eddie grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge.
“That was all I said, basically,” he finished with a shrug as he handed over a beer after opening it for Buck. “They don’t deserve your time or anything. I hate that they’re here, because I know that you still wish that they loved you.”
Buck snorted, “Yeah, you’re right on that. I do still wish it. But I’m not holding my breath. The only reason they might do anything now is to make Maddie happy. She’s always been their priority when I was growing up. Maddie did something, and they celebrated as if it were the greatest thing in the world. I think the real reason they didn’t like Doug was that she was going to leave with him. She wasn’t going to stick around Hershey at all. It was all about her, then she was gone, for college at first. But she came around for them, not for me, for them. I think she only talked to me four times before she left for Boston. Twice more after that, before they came back to Hershey full-time. But that was more because she was getting married and wanted me to give her away, since neither of our parents would.”
“So it fell to you,” Eddie said as they sat down in the living room.
“Yeah, but… I wasn’t happy about it. I didn’t like Doug; he gave me a bad feeling. I told Maddie that, and she just put it down to jealousy,” he snorted, “Mom and Dad said that they didn’t like him as they thought he wasn’t good enough.”
“Sounds like she had all the attention, even after she was married,” Eddie commented, leaning against the counter and looking at Buck.
Buck nodded, “She did, when I noticed that things weren’t going well with Maddie, Mom and Dad… they didn’t really dismiss it, but they had the ‘I Told You So’ attitude that I think made Maddie mad at them.”
“Ah,” he nodded.
“Yeah, she said when I tried to get her to come with me, that she didn’t want to let Mom be right. So she stayed, though I think that’s more because she didn’t want me to know that she’d been beaten up by Doug. After all, I’ve no doubt he did that as soon as he learned she’d given me the jeep,” he pulled a face before he took a swig of his beer, before the two headed to the living room and sat down.
“Maybe so,” he nodded, as he listened to Buck rant a little longer about his parents and how Maddie always fell in line with them, even when he was a child.
Buck then looked at him, “You said… that I get Christopher, if anything happens to you,” he murmured. He hadn’t brought it up when Eddie had mentioned it, but now he just had to know what Eddie meant by that.
Eddie sighed, “I was meaning to tell you, it just slipped my mind whenever I tried to. But after the well. When I was down there, I was thinking about Chris, and all that he’d gone through, and I knew that if my parents had taken him in, then he wouldn’t be able to fly like I want him to. You heard them when we were at dinner with them. They-”
“They think he can’t do anything because of his CP and think that he should be restricted in everything,” Buck nodded, turning on the couch so the two could look at each other. “Yeah, I saw and heard. It’s some stupid shit that they’ve got going on in their head.”
“Yeah, and they’ve been doing that since he was born. Nothing I do or say, or what Shannon and the doctors said and did, changed their minds on anything. We’ve constantly fought over it. My sisters both believe that they’re in the right as well, and if Chris went to them, they’d listen to Mom and Papi, and I think that my sisters would both give in and let them take him, even if I stated not to,” he said softly, sipping his beer. “But when I was down there, all I thought of was what would happen should I die there. Should I be dead, he would have gone to them, and then I knew I had to fight. I had to fight so fucking hard to get through. I think I almost passed out a few times. I barely remember anything other than getting back out, getting to Christopher, and to you,” he said, looking away.
“I thought I lost you that day, I thought that was it, I was going to have to tell Chris I failed him, that I failed in bringing you home,” Buck said, choking on the words as he dared to glance up at Eddie. “That was one of the worst days of my entire fucking life. Thinking you were gone.”
Eddie reached out, “I’m right here. I got out. I thought of you and Chris, and the fact that if I died, you both would have been separated. I couldn’t let that happen, so I fought for you both, for the fact that I never want any of us to be apart,” He finished, holding Buck’s hand tightly as the man sat on the other end of the couch. All he wanted to do was pull him close, but he didn’t dare do anything just yet. “I… I wrote a will to make sure that it would never happen.”
“So you’ve made a will?” Buck asked, keeping hold of Eddie’s hand like it was a lifeline that he needed to keep the world the right way up. The day the well collapsed on Eddie was one of the worst of his life; the other was the day of the tsunami, losing Christopher and not knowing if he was alright, which almost killed him. Finding him at the end of the night, seeing Eddie holding him made his world whole, brought the color back that it had been lacking since the moment he had lost sight of the then eight-year-old.
Eddie nodded sharply, squeezing Buck’s hand tightly before letting it go. “Yeah, I did. The very moment I was left alone, I went to my lawyer and talked to him, changed it to make sure that they knew that my parents and sisters wouldn’t get custody of Christopher at all. I notarized all the voicemails and messages that I have gotten from them all over the years. To make sure that it would be there, waiting for you to use if they tried to fight it. I wanted to tell you…” he trailed off, sighed, and rubbed his face with one hand.
“Tell me about the will,” Buck nodded.
Eddie was quiet for a few more moments, “Not… just that,” he said as he looked up, “Buck…” he began, his voice changing slightly as he just stared at him.
“Eds?” Buck frowned slightly, “What else?” he asked.
“That I care about you, as more than a friend. I’ve been falling for you from the moment you brought me to meet Carla. the little things you’ve done to make life easier for Christopher and me. There are no words I can say. When Shannon came back, and I started sleeping with her again, I did so because it was easy, and I was scared. Scared of what it meant to fall in love with you,” Eddie said, looking softly at Buck, “I was scared, not because of shame, or anything like that. Scared because I don’t want to mess up one of the best people in my life, other than Christopher.”
Buck looked a little startled by the revelation. “Eds,” he murmured, “I…”
“You don’t have to say anything, Buck, really. I just… thought you should know that I do love you, that I’m in love with you. I have been for a while. I don’t… I don’t want anything from you; this doesn’t have to change anything. Well… I’d like, maybe one day, to have a date with you. To see if we could actually be something more. But I-” he started to ramble, staring at the bottle of beer in his hands, not daring to look at Buck.
“Eddie,” Buck called to him, his voice soft and coaxing. He waited for Eddie to look up at him. “Eddie,” he called again.
Finally, Eddie took a little breath and looked up. “Buck,” he began, only to see Buck smiling at him.
“If you think I don’t love you, you’re an idiot. I started falling for you a long time ago. I just… didn’t think I’d have a chance. So, if you want to ask about that date, then I’ll say yes,” he said, smiling at him.
Eddie grinned widely, “Alright, Evan, want to go on a date with me?” he asked, his words soft.
Buck smiled as he heard his given name, for once not spoken with hate and annoyance, but with love. Even when he was a kid, it was often said with annoyance from Maddie, rarely love and care. “Yeah, I’d like that,” he smiled.
Eddie laughed lightly, relief in his voice as he said, “I’ll set one up for us soon,” he promised.
“I look forward to it,” Buck said as the two gravitated toward each other, as Buck now curled up against Eddie. Eddie wrapped an arm around him, holding him close. “This is nice,” he murmured.
“It really is,” Eddie agreed, smiling down at him for a few moments before swigging his beer.
“So, erm, this is going to be something new for us. I just…” Buck began, not sure how to get across his meaning without it sounding like he was ashamed of them being together.
“Want to keep it to ourselves for a bit, while things settle down with your family?” Eddie asked.
“Yeah, just us, Chris, and maybe Bobby and Athena, more because Bobby needs to know, and there is no way we’re going to be keeping this from Chris,” Buck said as he took his free hand and grabbed Eddie’s, holding it in his and marveling at the fact that he could.
“I don’t mind them knowing, and I agree, to ourselves for a bit. As soon as Abuela knows she’ll be planning the wedding,” Eddie snorted.
“Marriage…” Buck trailed off, “Would that be something you’d want?”
“In a year or two, yeah. I think with you, it would be,” Eddie told him, being honest. “Buck, I want this to work, and I want it to work so fucking well that we’ll be old and gray together, arguing about our first date, and what we did. And anything else we can think of,” he said, “That’s what I want.”
Buck hummed, “Yeah, I can… I can picture that. You’ll be the one to lose your memory first, though,” he grinned, “Old man.”
“Not much older than you,” he reminded him. The two looked at each other, glancing at each other’s lips as Eddie asked, “Can I kiss you?”
“Always,” Buck replied as they leaned a little closer. Their lips touched, Buck let go of Eddie’s hand as he moved around, moving his hand to Eddie’s waist.
Eddie reached up, cupping the back of Buck’s head as he pulled him closer. The two moved back moments later, “That-
“Was magic,” Buck finished for him, smiling softly.
“Yeah,” Eddie laughed lightly as they settled back down, curled up together once more.
