Reading Time: 84 Minutes

Title: The End & The Beginning
Series: Death Reforms Her
Series Order: 1
Author: rivermoon1970
Fandom: Harry Potter
Genre: Contemporary, Drama, Family, Time Travel
Relationship(s): Harry Potter/Hermione Granger
Content Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Hate Crimes/Hate Speech, Major Character Death , Mentions – Child Abuse, Mention – Drug Abuse
Author Note: The Major Character Death is a temporary death
Beta: AngelicInsanity, Alpha: Vasaris
Word Count: 20,958
Summary: In the last days of Petunia Dursley’s life she’s given a respite in the last place she ever expected. Upon her death she is given a choice that will not only change her life, but some of those she meets along the way. But first, Petunia needs to seek forgiveness as well as to work to forgive herself.
Artist: Spennig

---

---

Chapter 1

A sprawling English Manor, Spring 2027

Petunia Dursley watched as the day nurse finished setting up the equipment in her new room. There was an odd sort of fear she was feeling over her new set of circumstances, and it wasn’t wholly from the knowledge that she was dying. While she had a say over where she would live out the rest of her days, she wasn’t too keen on living them out at an NHS-run hospice. She had heard a mix of stories, and her paranoia led her to believe the worst. Though, looking out the window at the most beautiful garden she had ever laid eyes on, there were degrees of what one could consider a terrible circumstance. But, as Vernon’s Aunt Marge used to say, you make your own bed and have to lie in it too. Petunia had most definitely made her bed.

Sighing, Petunia pulled the covers over herself as best she could. She stared at the silent television mounted on the wall for her use and knew a gilded cage when she saw one. Of course, no one else would call it a cage; most would say she was lucky to be in such posh surroundings with the best of everything at her disposal. Day and night nurses, private doctors, all hired to make her last days comfortable. A large bedroom with a window seat, reclining reading chair, an ornate desk, and her comfortable bed, which wasn’t quite a hospital bed. The whole thing just made her feel ashamed. She wasn’t aware of the silent tears that came unbidden until she felt her nurse wiping her face.

“None of that now, Mrs. Dursley. You’ve been given a gift.”

“Yes, well, if you knew the whole story, you might not believe that.”

The nurse appeared ready to say something when quiet voices could be heard outside in the hall near her bedroom door. Petunia tried to make out what was being said, but frankly, it didn’t matter, not anymore. A moment later, the door quietly opened, and her benefactor asked the nurse for some privacy. She looked up from where she was resting and closed her eyes, wondering if the other shoe was going to drop out on her.

The man sat down in a chair he conjured out of thin air, not caring anymore if she was freaked out around magic. He studied her a moment before he spoke.

“You’re probably wondering why I’ve done all this.” The man crossed his legs, his wealth wrapped around him in quality clothing, perfectly styled hair, nails manicured and clean. Far and away from the boy she had known and treated horrifically.

“Frankly, yes, I am. But given the choice of a Government-run facility and a gilded cage, I think I rather fancy the cage.” Petunia did her best to keep the bitterness out of her voice, but she was too old to change, even if deep down in her heart she knew she had done awful things and had no right to feel such deep bitterness and hatred.

The man sighed deeply as he watched her.

“You’re not in a cage, Petunia. If you feel up for it, you can explore the gardens anytime you want. We have a vast library, and Hermione and I have curated many good fiction books that you might find to your liking. The chef will make you anything you want. There are no restrictions, no invisible chains. But, if it would assuage your guilt, I could lock you in here.” The last sentence was stated with such coldness that Petunia actually shivered despite the comfortable warmth of the room.

“I could have left you to that deplorable place Dudley had stuck you in, and abandoned you to. And don’t think I didn’t think long and hard about it, but my wife appealed to my better side and now, here we are.”

“Yes. Here we are. You, Harry Potter, are the one able to control my life and me at your mercy. Do you get some sort of sick satisfaction out of this reversal of fortunes?” Petunia tried to spit out the acerbic words when a wracking cough hit her. Harry held out a cup of water to her, and for a moment, Petunia was about to refuse, but she realized how childish that was.

“Actually, no. Unlike you, I don’t enjoy the suffering of others. It’s why I dedicated my life to family law in Magical Britain. I don’t ever want to see children suffer the way I did at your hands.” Harry’s glare had Petunia’s hand trembling as she tried to hold the cup. For a few moments, Harry looked like he wasn’t going to help, but eventually, he did as he took the cup out of Petunia’s hands and set it aside.

“Don’t you dare speak to me like that, Boy.” Petunia knew the words didn’t hold the same level of venom they had when Harry was a child. But she wasn’t going to look weak in front of him.

“Get one thing straight, Aunt Petunia. I am no longer a boy, and you can’t hurt me anymore. I am not doing any of this for you. I’m doing this because you’re Granddaughter implored me to help. How that sweet child has any connection to you, I don’t know. But she didn’t want to see you in that place you were in. All of this,” Harry waved his hand around the room and smirked, “is for her.”

Petunia closed her eyes and felt the moisture in her eyes once more as she pictured her sweet, wonderful Granddaughter in her mind. Maisie had been the light of her eye when she was born, and there was something so beautiful and light about the girl that it made Petunia want to be better. Especially after Vernon had died of a heart attack shortly after Dudley had married.

The young woman that became Dudley’s wife was a force. She had changed Dudley’s life for the better. The man he turned into was far different from the boy she raised, and Petunia was quietly grateful for it. Vernon’s dwindling health profoundly impacted Dudley, which made him want to work to be healthier. Petunia could only sit back and watch as her husband had just given up, especially as his company had become bankrupt during the economic downturn in the early 2000s.

“I don’t deserve someone as wonderful as that child.” Petunia’s voice was low, but she knew Harry had heard her.

“I believe that is the first real thing about yourself that you’ve ever said. Frankly, I don’t either, but, it’s not up to me how my cousin views you. I’ve never said anything to her that would hurt your relationship, but she is far too good for you.” Harry glared, and Petunia knew she deserved every hurtful word out of Harry’s mouth.

“I have no right to thank you for that, but I do.”

“She’ll be here tomorrow to spend the day with you. I’ll be in court all day hoping to keep children out of hands such as yours. Now, if you’ll excuse me, Hester will be back in if you need anything.” Harry stood and began to walk out the door, then turned back to look down on Petunia. “And, don’t worry, no magic will be anywhere near you. I’ve instructed all of the Potter-Black elves to stay out of this wing as your care will be entirely muggle in nature. Myself, Hermione, or Chef will physically cook your meals. I don’t want to….offend you.” That icy voice was back, and Petunia resigned herself to the fact that there was no possibility for any type of healing for either of them regarding their relationship. Even if she tried to apologize, Petunia knew it would fall on deaf ears.

“I guess I should thank you for that.”

Harry watched her a moment longer, then turned on his heel and walked away far more gentlemanly than she knew she deserved. Guilt churned in her gut, knowing that she would never get a chance to make things right with the boy she had wronged so profoundly as a child.

***

“Aren’t Uncle Harry’s gardens just marvelous, Grandmama?” Maisie’s smile shone brightly as she sat on one of the many benches scattered throughout the gardens. A picnic basket sat beside her. Maisie was drinking a fancy coffee concoction, and Petunia had a cup of electrolyte water to help keep some of her dwindling reserves up. She knew it was a losing battle, but she didn’t want to disappoint Maisie.

“They are lovely.” Petunia tried to keep the bitterness out of her voice, but it was difficult.

“Grandmama, please don’t be like that.” Maisie’s expression fell as she looked towards the rose garden in the very center of the sprawling grounds. “This is such a beautiful day, and I just thought we could enjoy it together.”

Petunia swallowed what little moisture was in her mouth as she watched the sadness creep into her Granddaughter’s eyes. The guilt came hard and fast at the knowledge she had put that look on the girl’s face.

“I am sorry, sweetheart. You’re right. This is beautiful.” It was worth it to swallow down her feelings to see the bright smile on Maisie’s face. She was a beautiful child, and Petunia felt lucky that the girl hadn’t abandoned her. “Tell me what has been going on with you?”

Maisie leaned back on the bench, took a long sip of the drink in her hand before she started talking.

“I have only a couple of semesters left at Uni. I’ve applied to Graduate School in several places, and Uncle Harry believes I’ll get my first choice: King’s College. It’s the place I’ve wanted to go to ever since I was little. They have the best program for Education. I mean, I know there are more elite Universities, but I like King’s. Daddy and Uncle Harry have taken me there so many times that I feel like it’s the place for me, you know?”

Petunia smiled a genuine smile as she leaned forward in her wheelchair to pat Maisie’s hand. She wished that she had put her foot down with Vernon and taken the opportunity to obtain her degree in archival research and library sciences. Petunia had applied to Uni and was accepted, but Vernon didn’t think she should go as it was her duty to be his wife. But, Petunia hadn’t believed in herself and married Vernon the first chance she got. Closing her eyes, Petunia grieved for her lost opportunities in life. She let her jealousy and bitterness dictate her life for far too long.

“Oh, darling girl, yes, I do know. You deserve whatever opportunities come to you.”

Maisie’s smile once more shone brighter than the sun, at least to Petunia it did. They sat in silence for a few moments, then Maisie appeared to turn serious as she looked her Grandmother in the eyes.

“Why do you hate Uncle Harry, Grandmama?”

Petunia was caught off guard as she turned away from the look on Maisie’s face.

“I’m sorry. It’s just there’s always this terrible thing between you two, and I don’t know what it is. I’ve asked Daddy, but he won’t talk about it all that much. But, he and Uncle Harry always seem to share these looks, you know? And I heard them talking one day, and Uncle Harry said something about how you hate him. Of course, they didn’t know I was listening.” Maisie stopped talking as she looked down at her lap. Her cheeks deepened in color from what Petunia inferred was an embarrassment.

Taking a deep breath, hoping it wouldn’t cause a coughing fit, Petunia looked to the side and let her gaze travel over the lawns spread out before her.

“It’s a long story and one that I’m afraid to tell you. You’ll think differently about me, and I’m afraid you’ll hate me for it. Maybe…” Petunia’s voice faded as she continued to keep her face turned away from Maisie.

“Grandmama, I couldn’t hate you. I love you, and I’m not stupid. I know you aren’t perfect, and I know you and Daddy don’t get along. Whatever the reasons, nothing you say to me will make me hate you.”

Petunia wanted to believe the girl. Especially in these last days of her life. Maisie had given her new life, especially after Vernon was gone. It was like a chain around her neck had been lifted, and she had a second chance. Even if that second chance was a short twenty years, they were better than all her years before. Petunia still harbored resentments, hurts, and bitterness in her heart, she was too old to completely change, but being around Maisie, she felt different, lighter in some ways. It didn’t mean that she wanted to disclose all of the ugly secrets in her past.

“Darling, please, let it be for now.”

Maisie dramatically sighed but didn’t push any further, which Petunia was grateful for.

“All right.” Maisie stood up and grabbed the picnic basket, “How about we head to the pool and have our lunch over there. Then, we’ll get you back to bed.”

Petunia sadly smiled as she agreed.

When they moved onto the elaborate pool area’s patio, Petunia saw Hermione swimming around with her own grandchildren. She was about to ask Maisie if they could go inside to the sunroom instead. The squeal of delight from Maisie had Petunia sighing in resignation.

“Auntie, I didn’t know you were here. And with William and Missy too.”

“Hello, Maze, sweetheart. I decided to take the afternoon off. Being the boss has its advantages.” Hermione made sure the children were going to stay in the shallow end of the pool and stepped out, grabbing a towel on the way. She turned her eyes towards Petunia, but her expression went neutral. “Mrs. Dursley. I hope you find the room comfortable. I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to see you after you settled in.”

Petunia had a scathing remark on her tongue but noticed the watchful eyes of the children, who she knew were only 5 and 3. She watched the woman and felt jealous how she could still look so young and yet was nearing her 50’s. It was aggravating. However, Petunia bit her tongue and had to remember this was Hermione Potter-Blacks’ house as well.

“It’s all right, Mrs. Potter-Black. I do appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”

“Well, we could hardly leave you in that place. Are you two thirsty? We have some fresh American Lemonade and some treats. There’s plenty for everyone.”

Petunia wildly looked around and hoped those weird little house creatures weren’t lurking about. Hermione just raised a brow and shook her head to indicate no one else was around.

“Well, I suppose that would be lovely.” Maisie grabbed the wheelchair handles and wheeled Petunia over to a lovely patio table with a wide umbrella that shaded everyone from the sun. It felt nice to be out, but the light was bothering her eyes. Maisie went to the bar area and poured glasses for everyone, even sippy cups for the children. Hermione brought over plates of finger sandwiches, cut vegetables, and fruits for everyone to share. There were even brownies and other mundane treats.

“I’ll help with the children, ‘Mione. You go relax in the shade.”

“Thank you, love, I appreciate it.” Hermione pulled the towel tightly around her waist before she sat down in one of the lounge chairs. She turned towards Petunia, who was feeling no small amount of anxiety. “You know, there was a time I didn’t want to meet you because I would be tempted the hex the fucking hell out of the lot of you. Thankfully Harry stayed my hand. He didn’t relish the thought of me going to Azkaban, which I know you understand the seriousness of that place.

“He’s put himself out there for you. This isn’t exactly easy for him. Harry is sometimes the most Gryffindor of all of us. But,” Hermione leaned forward and glared at Petunia, “I will not have him hurt. You may not physically be able to hurt him, but don’t think I don’t understand emotional and mental pain. And while your body is failing, your mind is still sharp.”

Petunia was almost proud of how the younger woman stood up for herself and for Harry. Petunia wasn’t used to being challenged, and it almost put her back up. Still, she knew she had no say, not under her current circumstances.

“I assure you that I don’t wish to cause harm. I only agreed to this whole arrangement because Maisie begged me to accept your offer. I will leave you in peace if you extend me the same courtesy.” Petunia held her head high as the two women stared each other down.

“Good. Just so we understand each other.” Hermione turned back to watching her grandchildren with Maisie, and Petunia couldn’t blame the woman for her protective instincts. After a few moments, Maisie smiled and flushed, came running over with the children, and sat them in chairs, helping to give them their snacks. The sun was getting to Petunia, and she wanted to go back to her room. She could already feel it, that she wasn’t going to have many more days where she could be out, even in a wheelchair.

“Maisie, darling. I’m rather tired and would like to rest for a while.” Maisie turned away from the children and looked over at Petunia.

“Of course, Grandmama. I’ll get you settled back in your room, and I’m not going home for a few days, so I’ll be here.”

Petunia felt a little lighter of heart knowing Maisie would be around for a little while, which meant she had more time to spend with the girl.

It didn’t take long to get Petunia settled back in her room. Maisie stayed chatting with her Grandmother for a while, lulling Petunia into a dreamless sleep.

***

The days slowly ran into each other over the next few weeks. Petunia was still able to sit in the wheelchair and get around with help from her nurse. Her pain was manageable, but the cough was slowly getting worse. Her cancer had spread, and her doctors told her she was no longer a good candidate for advanced treatments. The best they could do would be to make her as comfortable as possible.

The library and the gardens had secretly become her favorite places to be. Harry had kept his promise to keep those creatures away from her. Hermione quickly became part of Petunia’s caregiver team. There was a part of Petunia that clung dearly to the younger woman. She would never admit it, but that place Dudley…her Dudders…her son had left her in was horrid. Just the thought of it brought Petunia to tears more than once.

“Mrs. Dursley,” Hermione was home that afternoon taking care of something important, but she often came to check on Petunia now and again.

“Yes, Hermione?”

“Are you all right?” The woman came over to her and handed over a handkerchief.

“I suppose all of this pain I brought on myself.” Petunia looked out of the library shutter doors and sighed. “Dudley still has not come around. I know Maisie has tried, but…”

Hermione’s face was filled with compassion that Petunia knew she didn’t deserve.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Dursley. I cannot comprehend a child abandoning their Mother like Dudley has done.”

Petunia knitted her brows together as she dabbed at her eyes. “I cannot blame him. Not really. It’s not like I treated him as I should have. Oh, I spoiled that boy rotten, and look at the trouble he got up to as a teen. He was on a path of self-destruction, and I know I am responsible for that. I wasn’t a good parent, Hermione. Not to either of those boys.” Petunia had so much time on her hands waiting for the inevitable to happen that she often was lost to self-reflection. What she saw, she didn’t like.

“Why did you do it? I couldn’t fathom treating my children like you’ve done with Dudley, or especially with Harry.”

“Jealousy, self-hatred, and regretting my life’s choices. I smothered Dudley to the point where he now hates me, and I almost choked all the life out of Harry, and he hates me. Nothing I say or do at this point in my life will make up for the pain I’ve caused.

“I guess I knew the moment I married Vernon what a bad choice I was making. But, there was a time I thought he was the best I was going to do. Lily was the pretty one, and I wasn’t. Vernon seemed at the time to be the best chance I had.”

Hermione laid a hand on Petunias. She looked down and saw how gnarled, and twisted arthritis had become in her hands, compared to Hermione’s that were still supple and beautiful. It was a small comparison, but Petunia felt it fit the two of them better than Hermione might ever understand.

“He wasn’t good to you, was he?”

Petunia’s bitter laugh came from a deep well inside her. That bitterness had been buried deeply with the scars of emotional and mental abuses she had suffered in her marriage.

“Vernon was a bastard. But, I never wanted to admit it. Especially since my Mother had warned me that he wasn’t a good man and would only bring me misery. We had a terrible row about it. Even Lily begged me not to marry Vernon. But, it just made me more determined to prove them wrong.” Petunia dabbed at her eyes again, refusing to shed the tears in front of Harry’s wife.

“Don’t, young lady. I don’t deserve your compassion. I know what I’ve done, and I know that I’ll pay for it in the afterlife. I’m not afraid.” Petunia could see on Hermione’s face that she didn’t believe Petunia, but she wasn’t lying. She was done with being afraid. Death at this point in her life would be welcomed.

Hermione was startled a moment later by a ringing of the doorbell.

“I should go see who that is. If you need help getting back to your room, I know Hester will be here soon. But, if you want to have a lie down before she comes, just let me know.” The doorbell rang again, and Petunia imagined it sounded more insistent, even though she knew that wasn’t possible. Of course, the Potter-Black household had many instances of things that weren’t possible. Petunia had killed any curiosity she might have harbored and made a choice to never ask questions. She knew she wouldn’t like the answers. Hester came in a few moments later to check on her and asked if there was anything she could do to make her more comfortable. Petunia knew nothing anyone did from that day forward would be able to make her last days physically tolerable. Her mental and emotional state was something else entirely.

“I’d like a lie-down, if you don’t mind, Hester.”

“Of course, Mrs. Dursley.” Hester helped her into her chair and wheeled her back to her bedroom, where after lying down, she quickly fell into a fitful sleep.

***

“That’s it, Willie, keep it up in the air. You’re doing good.”

Petunia looked in the direction of the voices and noticed Harry and Hermione’s grandchildren with their tutor. They were playing in the gardens and using magic. Petunia wanted to say something, to make them go away, but she knew it wasn’t her place to say anything. She knew Harry’s daughter was working on finishing up a doctorate in something or other. Petunia never bothered to find out. The children often came to the house with their tutor/babysitter to have room to play and learn about their magic. She had been warned beforehand when she came to live out her days in Harry’s house.

“You seem to be tolerating my grandchildren better than I expected.” Harry set a chair down in front of Petunia.

“I don’t have a choice, do I?”

“No. You don’t.”

Petunia regarded the man in front of her. He had grown into the intimidating man in front of her despite his upbringing.

“I don’t think you truly understand the depths of the damage you caused me. When I finally found a healer I trusted, the damage to my magical core, though somewhat reparable, would never be what it should have been.

“There were too many years that it was the only thing that kept me alive and tried to make up for the malnourishment and physical abuse. For the cold and the pain. For living in a fucking boot closet. My mental health therapist is frankly surprised I never developed a touch phobia or became a sociopath.

“You damaged me beyond repair, and before you go, you need to know precisely what you did. And your treatment of Collin, your Grandson is reprehensible. I will never understand you, Petunia. I will never understand the parents that come through my court who hurt the children in their care.

“You had a duty. A simple one, and you failed miserably.”

Petunia sat there and took every word Harry had to say to her. There were no more excuses, no more explanations; she knew she needed to hear what he had to say.

“This is the last time I have anything to say to you. I’m only saying it because I know if I didn’t, I’d regret it for the rest of my life. Not enough that would haunt me or hurt me, but enough to wonder. I would always wonder what it would have felt like to tell you all of the things I had wanted to say to you as a child.”

The two of them stared at each other for what Petunia felt was an uncomfortably long time. She knew why Harry was telling her these things, and she suspected he had more he wished he could verbalize but kept anything else to himself. She didn’t need to speculate on his motivations. Petunia was dying, and Harry needed to let out these things he had kept inside for far too long.

“You’ve said your peace. Does it make you feel better?”

“Yes and no. Yes, because this has been sitting inside of me for far longer than I cared to admit. And no, because no matter what I say to you, it doesn’t change anything. The physical and magical power that was supposed to be mine, I can never achieve. I could dwell on it, keep the hatred and anger I have for you still inside of me, or I can let it go and live the life I have made for myself and not give you or Vernon another thought. I choose to do the latter.”

“Then I think we’re done.”

“Yes, I think we are well and truly done. I will not speak with you again.” Harry stood, settled his clothing like a gentleman, and looked down on her one last time. Turning away from her, Harry walked away tall and proud. There was a small part of Petunia, buried under her bitterness, that felt a tiny bit of pride that Harry had thrived despite her abuse against him.

Looking back over the gardens, Petunia watched the children and thanked the God she never truly believed in that they were being given a good and loving childhood.

***

Petunia became bedridden, and she knew then that it was only a matter of days. She wasn’t sure how she knew, but in the depths of her soul, she knew her death was upon her. Everything hurt as the cancer had continued to spread. The drugs her Doctor prescribed only eased her a little, but at least she had kept all of her mental facilities. She was at least grateful for that.

The soft knock on her door was unexpected. She didn’t see much of Harry or his wife, and Maisie had to go back to University. She promised to take the next weekend off and come down to see her. Petunia wasn’t sure she had even that long.

“Mrs. Dursley, you have someone that wants to see you.” Hester poked her head inside the room to speak with her. “It’s your son, Mrs. Dursley.”

Petunia’s heart clenched as she turned her head and looked at her nurse with rheumy eyes. Tears stung, but she held fast to them and refused to let them fall.

“Please, yes, yes, let him in,” Petunia stated emphatically even though her voice sounded thready and thin to her own ears.

“Of course. Just ring if you need me to come in and help.”

“No, Hester, I’ll be okay.”

Hester closed the door a moment, soft voices came through the door, but Petunia couldn’t make them out. A mere moment later, Dudley was coming through and made his way to the chair that was permanently by Petunia’s bedside.

“Mum.”

“Dudd…Dudley. I…” Petunia’s tears started, and her throat closed up as emotions choked her.

“Here, drink some water.” Dudley held the cup out for her with the straw pointed towardst her to sip from. He took a tissue and wiped at her eyes.

“Thank you, Dudley.”

“I won’t lie to you, Mum. I haven’t come because I didn’t want to see you. I’ve worked hard these last few years to make something better of myself, and you’re part of a past I frankly don’t want to remember.” Dudley leaned back, his slim but broad frame a far cry from what he looked like as a child.

“I wronged you, Son. I wronged you, and I wronged Harry…”

“Damn right you did! And you dragged me along. Oh, I have no excuse for how my friends and I treated Harry other than to garner your and Dad’s approval. The worse I got, the more you spoiled me, and frankly, that is a shitty way to treat children. Maisie and Collin are the best things I’ve ever done in my life, and there is no way I would treat my children like you treated either myself or Harry.”

Petunia winced at her Grandson’s name. Even though she tried, she didn’t have the close relationship with him that she did with Maisie. Even after she found out that Collin was a magical child. Petunia fought the urge to alienate Collin, but the boy didn’t trust her and never would.

“You’ve done wonders with your children Dudley. I’m sorry if I’ve ever hurt Collin.”

“Are you really? I mean, I don’t believe you even realize how you hurt him. You tried to treat him like you did, Harry. And, frankly, I wasn’t going to have my boy ruined because of your horrific bigotry.” Dudley reared back at the vehemence in his own voice.

“Dudley…” Petunia started to apologize, but she knew nothing she said would make up for the damage, so she said nothing.

“It took me going to jail and being forced into therapy for me to realize just how much my childhood affected me. You favored Maze because she has no magic. But, I found out something. Something Hermione has been researching. She theorized that those who have magical children but supposedly don’t have magic are entirely wrong.

“She asked if I would be evaluated by a Goblin healer, and guess what, Mum. I have a magical core. But it’s just different from Harry’s. Of course, it’s too late for me to learn, but Maze? Maze is like me. She’s been learning privately, and she can do amazing things, Mum.” Dudley’s proud smile made Petunia’s heart speed up as she tried to reconcile what Dudley told her.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why? Do you really have to ask me that? Would you have treated Maze any differently? Would you love her just as much as you do now?”

Petunia closed her eyes and let out a painful sigh. Everything hurt as the medication was wearing off. She wanted her nurse, she wanted time to figure all of this out, but unfortunately, her time was running out.

“Dudders, I,” Petunia let those tears in her eyes fall as she took a shaky breath. “I can never make any of it up to you, but I never meant to hurt you. I just…” Petunia couldn’t bring herself to say the words she knew she should be saying.

“I know, Mum. And, there’s part of me that loves you, no matter what’s happened in the past. But, I don’t know if I can forgive you, I know that’s harsh, but that is the reality. I came to say my peace and to say goodbye. There’s nothing more for me here. When I leave, I’m leaving my past behind.”

Petunia didn’t even try to hold back the tears as she cried while Dudley held her hands, letting her release years of pent-up emotions. Petunia knew this was most likely the last time she would be aware, but she just couldn’t bring herself to speak anymore. Everything everyone had to say had been said. Now, she was reaping the consequences of her life. The pain she felt she deserved for causing such catastrophe in the two people she should have loved and protected the most.

***

The day was clear and bright. Harry stood at the grave next to Vernon Dursley’s and sighed. It was finally over. He could have left the past in the past, but Maisie was a bright, brilliant force that knew nothing but love from a woman who hadn’t shown him an ounce of emotion. If it hadn’t been for his cousin, he never would have given respite to a woman that only ever showed him contempt.

“I guess that’s it now, isn’t it?” The ceremony had been short, the mourners were few, and something about that did make Harry sad for about a second. Turning his head to the voice next to him, he saw Dudley making a complicated facial expression.

“I suppose so. How’s Maze?”

Dudley smiled a genuine smile, and his face took on a soft look. “She’s holding up, but it’s hurt her greatly. I can’t say that I feel much of anything right now. Maybe I miss something of my childhood, but frankly, even those memories elude me.”

Harry turned his face towards the bright blue sky and sighed.

“Collin looks lost. I wish I could have sheltered him against my Mother’s bigotry, but she never could let go of it.”

Harry turned his head to look at his cousin before laying a hand on his shoulder. He didn’t say much because there wasn’t much to say.

“I don’t feel what you’re supposed to feel when a parent dies. I feel nothing. It’s almost worse than when Dad died. At least then, it was a relief the bastard was gone. Is it terrible of me that I feel so little?” Dudley looked to Harry for answers that Harry didn’t really have.

“I don’t think so, Dudley. I think she hurt both of us so much that she killed any emotion we might have had. For me, it was drummed out of me the moment she stuck me in a closet.” Harry frowned as he rubbed at the phantom feeling in his arm that had been broken at one time from Petunia’s harsh treatment of him.

“You might be right. Come on, we can at least be there for Maisie.”

Harry turned and saw Maisie leaning into her Mother. Her eyes were red from crying, her brother Collin on her other side gently running his hand over her arm in a show of support.

“Yeah.” Dudley’s sad smile had Harry wondering if he felt more than he was letting on. He gave Harry a speaking look, and Harry waited patiently for his cousin to continue. “I told her about Maisie. And, that Hermione discovered that people like her, like myself, actually have magic, and I don’t think she knew how to take that.”

“We’ll never know, Cousin. Your Mother was complicated, and she didn’t know how to reconcile her jealousy of my Mother. I hated her and what I did for the end of her life was for Maze and for you.”

Dudley took one last look at the two graves of his parents, nodded his head once, then walked away. Harry knew this was the one and only time Dudley would come back here. He wasn’t a sentimental man, too many bad things had happened to him, but to Harry’s surprise, he had turned into a good man. Sometimes all you could do in life was to persevere and overcome. He was a living, breathing example of someone who had endured far too much in his life and came out the other side stronger and happier.

When Hermione slid up next to him, she put her arm through his and laid her head on his shoulder. Harry was grateful for how she had always stood by him.

“Harry, Love. I know how hard this was for you, and it makes me love and respect you even more than I already do.”

“Part of me wanted to leave her in that place. It was no less than what she deserved.”

“I know. But, it’s over now, and you can breathe once more.”

Harry looked at his wife and smiled softly. “Yeah, it truly is over. Come on, let’s go take care of Maze.”

Harry turned away from the graves of his Aunt and Uncle with the hope that he never had to give them another thought. He knew his memories would rear up at times, but less so, the older he got, they came to him fewer and fewer. He could put his childhood to rest once and for all.

Chapter 2

Petunia slowly opened her eyes and looked around at her surroundings for a moment to get her bearings. This wasn’t the bedroom she had been staying in these past few months while she was waiting to die. This was different, or at least the feeling of her environment was different.

Taking a moment Petunia looked down at herself and noticed the soft flowing dress that slid over her skin and had the feel of spun silk. That feeling was to her mind almost sinful. Slowly she rose from where she had been laying down and found she could walk and breathe with little difficulty. Her hands weren’t twisted up and swollen with arthritis, and her skin was soft and supple much like it had been in her youth.

“Well then, I must be dead,” Petunia mumbled to herself and wondered what it was she was supposed to do. There wasn’t anything recognizable in the place she woke up in. The trees were ablaze with colors that had no names in any language. They almost made her weep with just how beautiful they were. Wrapping her arms around herself, Petunia stood and for the first time in her life truly admired the natural beauty around her. A part of her wondered why she was lucky enough to be privy to such unnamable beauty for surely this wasn’t where she was meant to be.

Petunia had no indication of how long she stood there, contemplating her situation, and wondered if this was just a precursor to her everlasting punishment. Shaking herself out of her contemplation, Petunia tore her eyes reluctantly away from the tall imposing trees to see what else was around her. In the near distance, a bright white farmhouse stood in contrast to the unnamable colors around her. Taking but a moment to decide, Petunia began walking towards the large farmhouse where she could just make out children playing and animals of all kinds ran free around the area.

The realization that those children were dead like she was broke something deep down inside of her. To hear about the terrible things that happened to children was one thing, but to be confronted with the reality was something different. The knowledge of these dead children made something click inside her that she almost caused Harry to be in this very spot. That epiphany made her stop on the side of the road as a sorrow she had never felt previously ripped through her. There was nothing in this afterlife she could do to assuage her guilt. It was something that would live inside her soul for eternity, and the certainty of that knowledge caused tears to fall and her heart to break.

Petunia quickly wiped her face of her tears and she didn’t want to spend more time watching and mourning something that wasn’t hers, so she walked on, and let herself feel something for the first time in far too long. Regrets, which she had plenty, could no longer be brushed aside as she passed the farmhouse. She knew she was responsible for the terrible things she had done, and sometimes wished she could go back and change it all. Petunia had come to the conclusion many years prior that all of the jealousy, hate, and anger she harbored in her heart had nothing to do with Lily. It was all in her head, but with no way to make amends, all of those dark emotions turned inwards towards bitterness.

Petunia continued walking and after what seemed simultaneously hours and no time at all she came into what looked like a well kept town center with houses and a bustling marketplace. That threw Petunia off balance because what would people in the afterlife need with a marketplace?

The strangeness of the scene before her gave way to rolling hills and open fields of the most beautiful flowers her eyes had ever beheld. The myriad of unnamable colors almost had her sinking to her knees at the sheer beauty she gazed upon. She had no words for what her eyes were seeing and no words that came unbidden to her mind could adequately describe the landscape in front of her.

Closing her eyes but a moment, Petunia continued on. She wasn’t sure what she was looking for but there was a feeling deep inside pulling her towards something, and for once in her life she wasn’t going to fight it.

After sometime she came upon an elegant manor. It wasn’t austentatious, nor ridiculously large as similar homes were back in Surry. This was beautiful, and unassuming. The grounds were that same unnamable beauty that had Petunia wondering if she would ever get used to seeing.

Petunia felt that tug once more and it led her to the front door of the manor. She didn’t remember walking up the long winding walkway, and she frowned to herself trying to remember when she had pointed her feet in the direction she now found herself. Petunia felt herself raising her hand not of her own volition, then she was knocking.

The door opened, and Petunia was startled to see Lily standing there looking as startled as she was. A mere second later and the sting of a slap across her face startled her. Petunia attempted to look bewildered at her sister, but a mere second later, and a much harder slap, came quickly after the first.

“How dare you,” Lily growled, hands balled up at her sides, venom laced every word and Petunia knew she deserved every bit of Lily’s anger. “I never trusted you with my son. Our Will stated under no circumstance were you to have Harry. How fucking dare you treat him like you did.”

“Lils, come on.” Petunia heard Lily’s husband before she saw him. “There’s nothing to be done for it now, love.”

“No, James. I need her to know that I know everything, I saw and I could do nothing!” Lily shouted, the anguish over not being able to intervene laced every word she spewed at Petunia. Shoving James away from her Lily moved closer to Petunia. “You turned into a cold, unfeeling, hateful bitch, Petunia. Your jealousy of me consumed you to the point that you harmed a child. And you hurt your own child and treated your grandchild like shit, why? Why were you so hateful?” The venom in Lily’s voice Petunia knew she deserved.

Petunia hated seeing the tears in Lily’s eyes and a part of her wanted to reach out and pull her in her arms and give her a hug. But, she knew she was going to have to somehow find forgiveness. The road ahead of her Petunia saw in her mind’s eye as long and winding. This wasn’t going to be easy, nor was it going to be straightforward. Asking for forgiveness was not going to be enough. She needed to be honest with herself, and with Lily.

“I was so jealous, Lily. I…”

“Lils, why don’t we go to the garden and have this out instead of standing out here on the porch like this.” James, to Petunia’s surprise, was being incredibly generous, but she saw the tightness at his eyes and the rigid stance to his posture. He hadn’t come close to forgiveness, but Petunia wondered if maybe he was willing to hear her out fully.

Lily glared at Petunia before sighing deeply and waving for her to follow. Petunia was overwhelmed once more at the blinding beauty of the landscape rolling before her as they made their way to the gardens and a lovely table that appeared to be much like the type of wrought iron sets that Petunia coveted in her younger days. When she looked closer at the delicate scroll work she noticed the lily pattern. Slowly Petunia sat and let her eyes take in the wild flowers growing all around them.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it is.”

“This is what Potter Castle would have been like. Harry would have grown up there had we not listened to Dumbledore.” Lily’s grief was a living thing between them and Petunia wished in that moment that she could have changed so much of what happened between them.

“Lily, nothing I say to you now will make up for my mistakes. The last months of my life, your son was incredibly generous to me when he could have left me to die in the state run. Even my own son grew to hate me and the bitterness and jealousy I harbored for all my life I have little doubt is what ultimately killed me.

“I know asking for your forgiveness is probably asking too much, but…” Petunia felt that part of her that she had wrapped up in jealousy and pain began to crack open. When she looked at Lily all she saw was the girl she had been, the girl…the sister she had adored until that fateful day when Hogwarts came between them.

Petunia was aware that James was staring at her, almost as if he was sizing her up. This wasn’t the afterlife Petunia had thought she was going to get. She fully expected her existence to be spent in the idea of the Christian Hell. The fact she was in some kind of Shangri-la was a shock that she was still trying to get a handle on.

“But what, Pet? What could you possibly say to make anything you’ve done all right between us?”

“Nothing, Lilybud.” Petunia let the old nickname she used to have for Lily slip out and in that moment all of her regrets crashed down on her. The pain of knowing how much she put her nephew through, how much she hurt Lily broke her open and laid her bare in front of her sister. She knew no one was coming to comfort her, she doubted that Vernon was in the same place she was. And, even if he was, Petunia doubted she would want anything from him. Marrying him was one of those regrets that could never be undone.

Gathering herself she wiped her face and let her misery show on her face. “I cannot forgive myself, therefore it’s unfair of me to ask for your forgiveness. The shame I’ve brought on myself will never be enough to make up for anything.”

Lily looked off to the side, her lips thinned in that way Petunia knew so well. It was the face she always made when working something out.

“Harry was never supposed to be in your care. I want to know how he ended up there. Since being here, we’ve never been given the truth.” James glared at her and Petunia wanted to flinch from the animosity she saw on his face and once more she knew the depth of pain she caused.

“Frankly I didn’t understand it until Harry had your Will finally read after some great conflict that was going on that the rest of the world never knew was happening. He had made it known that someone named Dumbledore had suppressed the Will. I don’t really understand all of the politics that went on in your world. I can’t even explain what this Dumbledore person wanted and why he gave us Harry. I only knew that…” Petunia felt her cheeks burn with more shame.

“You only knew what, Pet?” Lily turned to look at Petunia who took a deep breath and began speaking again. “The only way for us to even begin the process of forgiving you is for you to be honest with us. Brutally so. You cannot lie to us, Pet.”

“I only knew that I didn’t want your freakish world to intrude on the life I had built. But, it was more than that. Seeing Harry, this bright happy child made me see just how unhappy and terrible my life really was. Vernon was everything you and Mother feared him to be, but I was too stubborn, and I just wanted normal.

“It came to bite me on the ass. My life was bland, colorless, and boring. I thought giving Dudley everything he wanted and supporting Vernon would somehow make me feel better, but nothing ever did.”

“Pet,” Lily sighed as she shook her head, giving Petunia that long-suffering look Petunia knew all too well. “You never saw your own worth. No one put you down. Mum and Dad never treated you badly. They loved you too. Your jealousy over me having magic and going away to school clouded your ability to see that you were loved.”

Petunia closed her eyes and took the time to view her life differently. She took off the blinders and really looked and saw all the times her parents had given of themselves to try to make her happy, especially when Lily went away to school. She was the one that turned her back on her family, not the other way around.

“I’m sorry, Lilybud. I’m so sorry. What can I do? I know nothing will ever make up for the hurt I’ve caused, but I want to try.”

Lily sighed as she leaned forward, took Petunia’s hands in hers and held them.

“If you’re truly sorry, Pet, we’ll find our way.”

Petunia nodded and held her sister’s hands hoping that in time she could be forgiven.

***

Lily and James let Petunia stay with them for the time being. Time didn’t move the same way in this serene afterlife that she had fallen into. She knew there was work that needed to be done, she just wasn’t sure what, or how to go about it.

One thing she enjoyed, which is what she took pride in when she was alive, was gardening. There were no discernable distinctions between night and day, in fact Petunia wasn’t even sure there was a night. She wandered the gardens, pruning, planting, watering, all of those things she once enjoyed in her own home, she now fully enjoyed in her afterlife.

She had often wondered why things just grew the way they did around her. When she took up orchids after Vernon’s death, every one of her friends told her she was crazy. They were fickle and expensive. They took care and patience, which she wasn’t exactly known for having, but, in her greenhouses that Dudley had helped her build, the orchids flourished. She won several local competitions, and sought out ever more exotic and hard to find varieties. They became her pride and joy until Maisie came along. Petunia thought that the bright, beautiful child was her redemption, and then her brother who had magic and it made all of those old horrible feelings reach deep inside her and she shunned the boy. Sighing to herself, Petunia knew she had just made things worse between her and Dudley at that point. Again, regrets she knew she could never make up for. These were things she should have tried to find redemption in life for, but she was too stubborn and her buried pain too deep for her to change who she had become.

Petunia thought about her life after Vernon and the allotment that she would spend a couple of days a week growing herbs, strawberries, tomatoes, and she even had potted blackberry and blueberry bushes. Her herb garden became the envy of the group she rented her allotment from. She gave away, or sold some of her abundance at the small store set-up for those that wanted to make a bit of profit off the extras they grew.

Shaking her head of the thoughts of the past, Petunia sat at the garden table and drank from a tall cool glass of lemonade. There was something strange about wanting to have the drink, but not needing it. Her thoughts turned even more inward as she reflected on her death. She never got tired, never felt hungry or thirsty, just felt a sense of peace that had never been a part of her own mortal life. Drinking was more for the pleasure of it and as Petunia sat there contemplating things she had never really thought about, a memory began to niggle at the back of her mind. The more she tried to understand it, the more elusive it became. So, for the time being, Petunia left it alone. She knew, deep down, that the memory was important, but it was just out of reach and would come to her when she wasn’t concentrating so hard on it.

The longer she was in this place, the more she wondered if she really deserved it. So much of her life after she entered her teen years didn’t make sense. The bitterness, jealousy, and anger were slow to build. The resentments piled on top of each other and like a good, young British woman, she pushed it all down and just went with the path of least resistance.

Vernon came along and offered her stability and normalcy. The protests of her mother and Lily nailed the coffin for Petunia and in her stubbornness she latched onto the man and clung to a life she assumed she really wanted.

There was a point where she had packed up her things and was going to leave Vernon. His minor ambitions made him a tyrant, his appetites made him corpulent and he was no longer the man she had married. Vernon had, at one time, been somewhat pleasing to look at, but the longer Petunia was married to him, the more she regretted her life’s decisions. Her plans had all been in place, and Petunia was one foot out the door, but she got the news she was pregnant. This made Petunia double down and stay with a man she slowly grew to hate over the years.

Shaking her head, Petunia knew there was nothing for it now. She had made her bed and she laid in it for more years than she cared to remember.

Petunia got to know James and Lily like she should have when they were alive. There was a love there that Petunia envied, and that made her incredibly sad at times. She never had that. Vernon wasn’t romantic, and she often wondered, especially now, in this place, if he ever truly cared for her at all, or if she was just a part of his mediocre ambitions in life.

Sipping the lemonade, and gazing upon the gardens she had come to love, Petunia was making connections about her life that she always brushed aside or pushed down.

“Pet,” Lily softly whispered as she wrapped arms around Petunia’s shoulders. “I’m glad we’vehad this time together. I always wished that we had reconciled, that our children…well, it’s no use wishing for things that can’t happen now is there?”

Petunia smiled to herself and laid her hands on Lily’s arms, holding her closer. “No, we can’t wish for what should have been. This time with you, and with James has opened my eyes to things I never wanted to admit to myself.

“I’ve come to see that Vernon never truly loved me. I was just part of his ambitions, mediocre as they were. I filled that hole that he needed to endear himself to his employer. Wife, child, house, check, check, check. He never cared what I did while he was at work. In fact, before I had Dudley, I almost left him.”

Lily had moved around to sit at the table next to Petunia.

“I envy you, Lilybud. What you and James have, it’s rare and beautiful.”

Lily smiled as she laid her head on Petunia’s shoulder, holding hands like they used to do as girls.

“I didn’t really like him at first. He was a bit of a horrible bully. You remember that friend of mine, the boy that lived at the end of our street? Severus?”

“I do remember him. He was so strange, and I never understood your friendship.”

“He knew what was happening with me when all of those strange things began to manifest around me. He was the one that told me I had magic, and he showed me wonderful things. Anyway, we both went to Hogwarts, and for the first couple of years we were still good friends.

“Then, I don’t know what happened, he turned strange and creepy. He thought…well he thought there was more between us than just friendship. I was hanging out with others in our year group, and James and his friend Sirius, they were terrible boys. They bullied others, and pulled a terrible prank on Sev. Of course, Sev pulled a fairly nasty prank back on them and it was all rather terrible. I wanted nothing to do with any of them.

“It wasn’t until after the summer of our sixth year that James came to me apologizing for how awful he had been. Seems his parents had heard about all of their behaviour and he had been punished for the whole summer. His father lectured him and forced him to see what kind of prat he was becoming. I made him court me properly, and it took us a while to find our way.” Lily laughed softly as she snuggled closer.

“I’m happy for you Lils.”

The sisters sat and talked, enjoyed their drinks and reconnected. Petunia had to admit to herself that there was something magical about being with Lily that healed a part of herself that she never admitted to herself was broken.

***

“Take a walk with me.” James approached Petunia while she was pulling at weeds that she thought grew in between the flower beds just so she could have something to do. This place was so strange and seemed to give you exactly what you needed without you asking for it. Petunia was still attempting to find her way, especially with James and Lily.

Looking at the man that Lily married, she could see why she eventually fell in love with him. He was handsome, powerful, and had a kind soul that conflicted with what Lily had told her about teenage James Potter.

“All right.” Petunia rose, shook off the dirt from her clothing, and pulled off gloves that she didn’t really need, but enjoyed wearing because it gave her a sense of familiarity. The two of them began to wander and Petunia was about to ask what James wanted when he finally spoke.

“I hated you, you know.”

“Yes, I do. And you had every right to.”

James’ soft laugh held no mirth, there was a hard edge to it, but Petunia couldn’t begrudge the man for his feelings.

“You’re damn right I had every right. But, I couldn’t live with that hate. It became indifference while I was still alive. Since you wanted nothing to do with us, with Lily, then we would have nothing to do with you. It was simple, and honest.”

Petunia wasn’t sure what to do with that, so for the moment she kept her own counsel and waited for James to continue.

“Then, we died and Harry, against our will, was delivered to you. We couldn’t see what was happening at first because we were learning about this place and what being dead meant for us. Then, we learned how to see what was happening in the living world and that hate that I thought I had let go of returned.

“The fact that I couldn’t save my son from you tore something out of me. I thank the Gods and Goddess that I wasn’t able to make myself known to you because I would have torn you and your asshole of a husband apart. I would have turned dark and no one would have gotten in my way.”

Petunia sighed and knew she needed to hear these words from James. Needed to understand his perspective. They had barely spoken to each other since Petunia had arrived in the afterlife, most of her time had been with Lily, working on her relationship with her sister, and Petunia learning to ask for forgiveness.

“There is nothing I can say to you, James, that will make my actions forgivable. But, I am trying to do as much as I can in this place, to make amends.”

“Yes. I see how you’ve opened your heart to the children here. But, I don’t know if you’ve figured out that every single one of those children was a magical child or not.”

Petunia had suspected it. “It breaks my heart they’re here.” Petunia almost whispered as she looked up to see they had wandered over towards the children’s playground.

“Yes it is. And to think that my child was almost a casualty of your despicable treatment of him makes me not want to forgive you or give you a chance. But, I know I need to learn a few things myself to be able to move on from this existence. Lily and I linger here because I know we need to learn to forgive. Not just you but a lot of people in our lives. Doesn’t mean that we condone any of their actions against us, but…I guess I’m just rambling at this point.” James leaned on the fence post and let his gaze wander over the children playing.

“I don’t deserve your forgiveness, James. I know what I’ve done, and it shames me more than you know. I just hope that we can find a way to reconcile our lives with each other.”

“I hope so as well, Petunia. We both have things to make-up for. I wasn’t a saint. I did a lot of bad shit as a teenager and I have no way to ask those I wronged for their forgiveness, and nor do I think I deserve it. We all have our crosses to bear and we need to learn to live with them.”

Petunia didn’t know what to say to that, even though his words rang true. She knew she would need time to digest them. The two stayed there, silently watching the children and attempting to find common ground with each other.

***

Petunia often walked to the village square and wandered in and out of the shops, which were still a strange concept for her to grasp. There were lovely craft pieces, fruits and vegetables that appeared exotic and inviting, cake shops, an ice cream parlor, walkway cafes, coffee shops, and friendly people everywhere. Petunia had never pictured the afterlife quite like this. But it made for a nice diversion to spend her time. She suspected that this was the purpose of the village square. To give those in the afterlife a diversion, something to do to pass the time.

The large parkland she passed when she had first arrived could often be seen bustling with artists painting, people exercising, doing strange, to Petunia, things like yoga and some kind of slow martial arts. She could admit she wasn’t ready for anything that esoteric. In fact exercise of any kind made her wrinkle her nose. That was one thing she had been blessed with was a decent body where she didn’t have to always watch her figure.

Petunia wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do. What it all meant, or if this was it, this was the afterlife and there was just this quiet existence. As she wandered in and out of shops, stopped to indulge in a pastry and a cup of tea, and sat at one of the sidewalk tables to watch the children play amongst themselves, that niggling at the back of her mind was making her itch in a way she had never experienced prior to being dead.

“You look lost.” A man slipped onto the seat across from her with his own cup of tea in his hands.

“I guess I feel a little lost.” Petunia didn’t hide her annoyed expression as she watched the stranger.

“And why is that? We have everything we could ever want or need. There’s no pain, no doubt, no worries, nothing but a lovely, genteel existence.” The man sipped his tea and Petunia noticed the sparkle in his eyes, and the crinkle at the edges that spoke of someone who often smiled and enjoyed life.

“But, what are we supposed to do? What is all of this for?”

“Well, I suppose this is the place to make you comfortable until you can be born again, or your ultimate reward for a life well lived.”

Petunia looked at the man, startled. She slowly lowered the teacup in her hands to set back down on the table.

“I’m sorry, what are you talking about?”

“Surely you’ve heard of reincarnation, renewal, regeneration, rebirth, or any number of philosophies and ideas about being born again and living a new life. Having a chance to do it all over again.”

“I suppose. I just never believed all of that hogwash was real.”

“If it wasn’t real, don’t you suppose this place would be brimming with souls? The afterlife isn’t as infinite as one imagines it to be.”

“Hmm, it still sounds like utter hogwash to me.” Petunia sipped her tea, but secretly wondered if what this man was saying was true. “And, who are you anyway?”

“I apologize, my lady. I have been rather rude, haven’t I? I am Arthur.”

“Rather common name, but quite British and serviceable.” Petunia curled her lip and laughed to herself at the look of shock on the man’s face.

“You seem to be under the assumption I am an ordinary man. I assure you, Petunia Evans, that I am not.”

“Rather presumptuous of you to assume, don’t you think?”

“I assume nothing. Do you not recognize me? Does your soul not understand who I am?”

Petunia pressed her lips together and furrowed her brow as she stared at the man. He felt familiar. Like someone she should know. The longer they sat there, the more elusive the knowledge of who the man was became, but there was something…a tether of sorts that Petunia wasn’t sure she understood.

“I feel like I should know you, but…”

“Dear child, I am Arthur Pendragon. You are descended from my Lady Nimue. One who magic herself claimed many lives ago.”

“Arthur. As in King Arthur. Like the round table and all of that rubbish?”

Arthur threw his head back and laughed, the mirth shining in his eyes never left when he looked back at Petunia.

“Oh yes, my dear. Camelot and all of that rot is correct.”

“So, what are you doing here? We all grew up with the stories of your body resting in Avalon and you’ll rise when England needs you the most, and all that fancy. If you’re really Arthur, why haven’t you come back?”

“Where do you think we are, Petunia Evans? Avalon is not a country or a mortal place. It is here, it is the afterlife and the place we wait to be reborn. I am here to await my lady’s return. And when she does, so shall I too return to the mortal realm.”

“So, Guinevere then?”

“Oh, no no no. Guinevere was my hubris. My mortal failing. My lady was that which I should not have had. Morganna, who was never supposed to be my sister, was my soulmate. My father created a bit of a paradox when he abused the trust of Igraine, my mother. I was not to be of her line, but another whom my father rejected.

“There were machinations at work that he ignored and it ultimately was the beginning of the downfall of Camelot and that of magic upon the realm. The decay was gradual and someday it will fall and when magic falls, all will be lost.”

Petunia leaned back in her chair and watched the man claiming to be King Arthur sip his tea as nonchalantly as possible. Arthur didn’t appear to be a crazy person, but of course what does madness look like? Especially in the realm of the dead. He didn’t appear to be special in any discernible way, but there was an air about him that spoke to Petunia. Deep down she felt the truth of his words and it shook her down to her soul.

“Why are you telling me this? What do I know of magic, men, and myths?”

“Because, Petunia Evans, you harmed beyond repair the one chance magic and the Lady Nimue had of repairing and bolstering magic. Giving it a chance to grow and renew itself. Do you understand if magic dies, the whole world eventually dies? It starts with the Wixen world, but gradually leeches off of the water, trees, plants and flowers of the mundane world. The corruption grows and consumes everything and everyone until there is nothing left. Gaia herself would need to be reborn to try again from the beginning, but even then we aren’t sure if that will help heal what has been done.”

Petunia set the cup she had in her hands down on the table and took a deep shaky breath. She didn’t want to believe that one boy, one little baby was that important, but again, she was struck by the truth in those words.

“I..I didn’t know. I..”

“You let jealousy and prejudice cloud your judgement. Believe me, I know something of that myself. I made mistakes that can never be repaired, too much time has passed. However, you will be given a choice soon, and for all of our sake, make the right one.” Arthur stood and left as suddenly as he had come.

Shaken and confused, Petunia left the cafe and made her way back to Lily and James’ home. She didn’t understand anything Arthur had told her, she needed to talk to her sister and hopefully all would become clear.

Chapter 3

Petunia sat in the middle of a bed of roses, turning soil, pruning deadheads, and making sure each plant had enough water to grow tall and strong. Sitting back on her heels she looked around and smiled. She knew she was changed by the peace and serenity she felt. There was healing in this place and Petunia had begun to forgive herself of her own failings.

She still didn’t believe the things the man calling himself Arthur told her, but even she was having a hard time denying that she felt they were real.

“Is this really Avalon? Am I really the descendant of a mythological being steeped in magic?” Petunia said out loud, not expecting anyone to actually answer her, so it startled her when someone answered back.

“Aye, that ye are lass.” The voice came from nowhere and everywhere at the same time.

“What the hell? Who’s speaking, and where am I?” Petunia noticed that she wasn’t where she had been just a moment ago.

“Where do you think ‘ye are?” The voice came closer and eventually a being emerged. Petunia was awed as she stood watching the woman approach her. The green silky dress appeared almost diaphanous on her, yet kept a modicum of modesty. Golden braids accentuated her breasts and wrapped around her waist, her flaming red hair fell in curls down her back to brush just past her buttocks. Petunia was rooted to her spot, mesmerized by the woman’s beauty. It took a moment for her to be able to form words.

“I guess I’m in Avalon, like Arthur said? I mean, I know this is the afterlife, but I know it has many names.”

“Aye, you’d be right. This place does have many names, but my favorites are Avalon or Summerland.”

“The Faerie Afterlife?” Petunia still didn’t understand why she was here. She had no magic, there was nothing special about her, yet here she had been with Lily and James.

“If ye prefer to think of it as such. But as I said it has many names and whatever suits ‘ye will be what it is.” The woman, Petunia had no other words to describe her because she refused to believe that the being was some God or Goddess.

“And who are you?”

“I too have many names but you may call me Danú. I rather like that name the best.” Danú smiled as she made her way closer to Petunia and gestured for her to sit. “I have a proposal for you, Petunia Dursley neé Evans, if ‘ye are amenable to hearing it.”

“It’s not like I have anything else to do.” Petunia once more let her eyes wander around her surroundings. It still surprised her that she had ended up in a place as beautiful and peaceful as Summerland. There had been fear that she would end up in some hellish afterlife for the things she had done.

“Yer surprised you’re here and not in some eternal damnation?”

Petunia softly laughed, but it held a bitter tone that she couldn’t quite keep out of her voice. “I suppose I did.”

“Hmmph, I am not going to give ye my rant on that particular thinking. There are ways of dealing with dark creatures other than eternal damnation, but you don’t need ‘ta know that. So, are you willing to hear what I have to tell you?”

“I certainly have nothing to lose and time on my hands.”

Danú smiled as she turned fully towards Petunia and laid out her proposal.

“I will give you a chance to return to a point of your choosing from your past. Once there, you’ll have the choice to do things differently. To treat the boy better, and to be a better person, Petunia Evans.

“However, when you go back your memories will be limited to only the most important events and decisions you must make. Once you make ‘yer choice, there will be no going back on them. If ye can’t make things right, if ye fail, there will be no more chances. Magic herself has decreed that ye get this one single choice.

”We would have to consider other avenues on how to turn things around and make things right. Magic is dying, and Harry was supposed to be the balance to what has become unbalanced. He will realize this too late in his current life and nothing he tries will balance out what has been broken.”

Petunia sighed as she lowered herself to the ground. She wondered why so much all of a sudden rested on her choices. Was this what Arthur was attempting to warn her about?

“Are you what Arthur, if he really was who he claimed to be, tried to let me know was coming?”

“Indeed, child, he was who he claimed to be. I know you have had many questions about why you’re here, what your role in life should be, or what it was meant to be. You turned away from your legacy. That set into motion a series of events that will eventually cause the collapse of magic, and eventually everything on Earth herself.”

Petunia didn’t even try to stop the shock from showing on her face. She didn’t understand how her actions towards Harry could cause such devastation. She tried to sort through her emotions while staring at Danú.

“I’m not that important.”

“No. You weren’t. Frankly, when you turned your back on your legacy, you became quite insignificant. That was until an innocent was left out on your doorstep.” Danú stood taller, her whole being appeared to be fiercer, dangerous even making Petunia reevaluate her situation. She was afraid. Deeply and profoundly afraid. “The moment Harry came into your life, you had a duty,” Danú’s soft almost musical lilt turned harsh and angry as she stared down at Petunia. “No, an obligation to raise that boy in love, but you became cruel and hard. You blamed a baby for your own failings. You took your jealousy, fear, and anger towards your kin out on Harry.

“For that, you should be eternally punished.” Danú glared as darkness swirled around her, the dress she wore whipped back and forth with the winds conjured up by Danú’s magic. The place Petunia had found peace in became dark and frightening. There was a moment when she thought Danú was going to carry out the punishment that Petunia knew she had deserved.

Then, in the blink of an eye everything went back to normal. The gardens turned peaceful once again and Danú appeared serene and loving. But, Petunia knew the Goddess was anything but peaceful. She was complicated and frankly Petunia was frightened.

Petunia’s heart pounded hard in her chest. She wrapped her arms around herself and knew she was crying silent tears. The fear had broken some deep seated emotions that she never had dealt with before. The silence didn’t last long before Danú began to speak once more.

“So, what do you say about going back and trying to fix things for yerself, and the child.”

“Why would I want to? My life was shite.” The bitterness swelled deep inside her.

“Because ‘ye had potential, Child, and ‘ye threw it away. ‘Yer Máthair Chríona, wanted to train your magic and pass on the traditions of your ancestors.”

Petunia didn’t believe the Goddess and turned away looking at the garden of the Summerlands, the afterlife of her ancestors.

“I don’t have magic.” The bitterness rose up even more as she turned icy blue eyes on Danú.

“Oh Darlin’ Girl, ‘ye’ve got magic deep inside you. The magic those tossers your Sister fell in with have no idea of the power of the old ways. The ways of earth, air, fire, water. The ways of potions, and salves, of prayers that hold meaning, deals with the primordial elements of the universe to heal, or to make your enemies suffer. ‘Ye have power Girl, ‘ye just never had a chance to use it.”

Petunia closed her eyes and remembered the time when Lilly had received her letter from that school. How jealous she felt, how sad she was that her sister was going away and she wasn’t. Petunia thought back to those days and her heart ached anew.

Then, Móraí came to her and told her about the old ways. The legacy of the Ó Flannagáin clan women was told to her and Petunia was given a choice that day. Allow herself to be trained by her Ma and her Mórai, or the knowledge of her magic would be wiped from her memory. In her sadness and anger, Petunia turned away from her magic and let it be buried deep down inside her.

“Would ‘ya have made a different choice?”

Petunia closed her eyes and thought long and hard about that day. How she turned away from something that could have been special, unique. She would have learned differently from Lily, but she had magic and Petunia threw it away. She knew she had made a mistake the moment she made her decision known. The first seeds of jealousy, doubt, and anger were planted, and over the years she let those seeds grow inside her until she ended up an old woman alone and dying of a terrible fate.

Looking long and hard at the face of Danú, Petunia weighed her choices from that day carefully before answering. She was surprised at the conviction she felt behind said answer.

“Yes. Yes I would have had.”

“And, if I give ‘ye the chance to change it all, would ‘ye take it?”

Petunia knew when dealing with Gods or the Fae you needed to tread carefully. They never did anything for free. Her Grandmother always told the sisters that payment to the Fae always came at a cost. And more often than not, that cost was high.

“What would be the price?”

Danú smiled as she moved closer to Petunia.

“Pledge your life to me, Girl and I will be your Pátrón. Yer protector, and ye raise the child in love. Ye don’t take your resentment of Lily out on an innocent, and ye make his life a better one.”

“Why should I?” Petunia spat out as she crossed her arms as the prospect of letting go of that anger and moving on from it caused her old fears to surface. Lily and her had made peace with each other, it didn’t mean that she was ready to take the child into her heart.

“Because ‘ye know in your heart that it was the right thing to do. Ye let yourself be tainted by yer pain, by yer jealousy when it was yer own choice to turn yer back on yer magic. You. Petunia Marigold Dursley made the choice to treat an innocent child like rubbish.” Danú’s anger rose, her eyes turned clear and they pierced right to the heart of Petunia. Then, in the space of a moment Petunia was forced to relive Harry’s life as if it were her own and the pain of all of those years poured into her making Petunia cry out as she fall to her knees.

“If ye don’t want to spend your eternity reliving the fear and pain ye put an innocent through, the anguish you unleashed on a child Petunia Dursley, ye will make a choice, and be wise about it. Think for yerself once in yer life!”

Petunia didn’t hide the fact that she was bawling as she curled into herself. She knew, oh she knew what she had done to Harry, but feeling it, seeing it through his eyes was something entirely different. However, it didn’t mean that Petunia was on board with pledging her life to a cosmic entity that claimed to be able to hold dominion over your life.

“I…do I have to choose right now? Can I not think on it?”

Danú appeared thoughtful, and Petunia worried that the punishments she deserved were going to come to her, however just moments later, the Goddess spoke.

“I will give ye time to consider ‘yer choice. I will come speak with you again.” The Goddess left Petunia in a bit of a daze as she looked at the rows of flowers she had been tending. Gathering up the supplies, Petunia walked back towards the manor house, put everything away and made herself a pot of tea.

The afterlife still baffled her, but she was coming to accept that this was just how things were. Rummaging through the cupboards, Petunia found some snacks, ones she would have forbidden in the house she had kept with Vernon.

Taking the tea and plate of treats outside to the garden table, Petunia set everything down and let her mind settle. She didn’t want to think about things at the moment, she just wanted to be in the moment. Something she was learning to do more and more.

“Mind if I join you, Petal?”

Smiling up at her sister, Petunia waved to the chairs. Lily sat and poured a cup of tea and grabbed a sandwich biscuit.

“It’s still so strange to me that we can perform the act of eating and drinking for the pleasure of it. We don’t need the sustenance, but it feels like the Universe’s way to help us transition from one existence to another.”

Petunia took a bite of a chocolate-covered biscuit and sipped her tea enjoying every flavor as it sat on her tongue before she swallowed.

“You could be right. Nothing better than Gran’s favorite blend and a plate of her cookies.” Petunia had almost forgotten their father’s mother had often come around and spent time with them every Sunday before she had died when Petunia was ten. It was the first time she had to deal with grief and loss.

“Oh, Gran’s tea was the best. Is this it?”

“Yes. I found all of the ingredients in one of the shops at the village. I blended it and let it sit for a few days. This is the first pot I’ve made with it.”

“It’s lovely, Petunia.” The time slowly dragged on, but in a soft genteel fashion that Petunia had never let herself indulge in as an adult. She hadn’t believed in wasting time. Something hard and sharp welled up as her thoughts became dark and jumbled.

“You know I never let myself enjoy anything. I pushed everyone away. You, mum and dad, our Gran and the aunties. I buried myself in Uni until I met Vernon and then…well, you know much of the rest.”

Lily’s expression turned sympathetic. She reached over and grabbed Petunia’s hand and held it steadfast in hers.

“You were hurting and no one saw or tried to help. You turned all of that emotion inward and didn’t let anyone help you. I’m so sorry, Pet that no one saw, you.”

That sharp thing eased as tears came unbidden to Petunia’s eyes. She thought about Danú and the choice she was given. She wasn’t quite ready to make her choice, she needed to consider the ramifications. Plus, she was still enjoying being with Lily and letting go of all the hurt and anger that sat between them for far too long.

The sisters talked more about their Gran, her wonderful teas she would make, and her stories of when their dad was young that made them all laugh. Petunia sighed and wondered why their aunt and uncles from their father’s side stopped coming around.

“Do you know why father’s family stopped coming around after Gran died?” Petunia voiced as she looked towards Lily.

“No. I think there was big fight or something. I never tried to get in contact after going to Hogwarts. I don’t know, maybe Mum and Dad might have told us if we pushed hard enough.”

Petunia didn’t think she would find out as a child, but it was definitely something to try to investigate as she got older. That was, if she decided to go back. Her and Lily fell silent, each in their own thoughts, which wasn’t as heavy as it once was. Silence between the two sisters wasn’t filled with pain and anger. This time, there was love and contentment.

Petunia knew she was learning lessons she had hardened herself against while alive and maybe Lily and James were learning something also before they moved on. Petunia knew that once she made her choice, Lily and James would move on. This time that they stayed, Petunia somehow knew was for her and what she needed to learn.

“I’m going for a walk. I’ll see you later.”

“All right. You okay, Pet?”

“Yeah. I really am, Lils. I’ve been given a choice and I need time to consider everything.”

“Do you need to talk about it?”

“Not yet, but I promise to tell you soon.”

Lily watched her and nodded in understanding.

“Okay. I’ll wait for you to tell me.”

Petunia was grateful Lily didn’t push. Her sister had a tendency to do that. Yet, here in this place, Lily had learned a kind of patience with Petunia that she didn’t have when they were alive. Lessons, this was a place to stop and learn what they needed to learn, then and only then would they move on.

The realization hit Petunia hard and it made her get up and leave the manor. She needed time to herself to contemplate what it was she had realized. She didn’t believe in the Christian idea of Limbo, but there was something of a waiting in the air and for some unknown reason, there was a comfort in the knowing that relaxed the anxiety Petunia had carried around since her death.

She walked towards the field where the children eternally played their games and watched knowing that they were learning something as well.

+++

Petunia was once again working in the garden. This time it was the herbs and flowers. She had pinched off some deadheads, pruned back some of the herbs she would take into the kitchen and dry. Working the gardens gave her the type of peace and contentment she had felt later in life when she had her allotment.

“Ye’ve got quite the knack for growing things.”

Petunia didn’t startle as she thought she would. She looked up and Danú and saw the same beautiful visage that the Goddess chose to show herself in whenever she spoke with Petunia.

“It’s the only place I ever found peace.”

Danú lowered herself to the ground and smiled as she let her hand elegantly pass over the tops of the flowers.

“‘Tis a noble thing to enjoy nature. We wish more mortals understood the importance, but alas I am not here to wax poetic about nature. I’m here to ask if ye’ve decided.”

Petunia leaned back to sit up on the back of her feet. She took off her gloves after setting her implements aside. She took time to contemplate what she wanted to say.

“I have questions.”

“This does not surprise me. Ask what you need.”

Petunia laid her hands on her knees and let out a long slow breath as she centered her emotions.

“Will I lose my son? Will he never be born if I choose to go back and change things?”

Danú appeared to take Petunia’s question with the same gravity with which it was asked.

“Yer son’s spirit will be waiting, but if you choose this new path, the boy will be different depending on who you choose as yer partner.”

“So, Venon is not….a foregone conclusion.”

“No. Vernon was one-hundred percent ‘yer choice because ‘ye gave up. You decided that you were not worthy of anything better, and you wanted to keep up appearances that were, frankly, unrealistic and led you down the path ‘ye took. If ‘ye want to change ‘yer life, then no, Vernon Dursley cannot be part of ‘yer path.”

A weight Petunia hadn’t realized was there lifted and letting out the breath she had been holding onto left her with the knowledge that she did not have to make the same decision.

“In fact, there were parts of yerself you suppressed and didn’t acknowledge because you tried to always been painfully ‘normal’ or what you considered normal.”

Petunia frowned as he glared at the Goddess not knowing what she meant.

“Ye don’t remember yer university days? Surely those memories aren’t buried as deep as you think.”

Petunia’s stubbornness rose to the surface as she crossed her arms and glared even harder at Danú.

“I dont’ believe I know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, yes you do, Petunia Evans. Do you not remember Marie Carsters?”

Petunia felt her eyes go wide as those early days of uni came back to her and the girl that had captivated Petunia. They had become fast friends and feelings that Petunia had not known how to deal with at the time. In old Petunia fashion she began to push Marie away and eventually broke the friendship that had meant everything to Petunia at the time. It was mere weeks later she met Vernon, dropped out of university and became the person that would eventually abuse not only her nephew, but her own son as well.

“I..I didn’t understand at the time. I was afraid, Marie made me feel things I was never prepared for. I pushed those emotions and needs down until I could appear to be what it was that Vernon needed me to be.”

“And lost yerself in the process.”

Petunia brushed a hand down her face, felt the tears that come unbidden to her eyes and sighed.

“Yes. Yes, I gave up who I was, who I was afraid to be becuase I just wanted to be normal and not be known as the sister of a freak. Its my deepest regret and my deepest shame.”

Danú tilted her head to the side and studied Petunia. There was a feeling of being torn open and laid bare before a being far greater than herself.

“Yes, I see. What will ye do if you go back and find yerself in a similar position?”

“I don’t honestly know. I would hope to have someone to tell me it was all right, I suppose.” Thinking about Marie and the possibilities that were lost to her, Petunia began to grieve for those lost opportunities. More regrets, and more shame. But, looking at the Goddess that had begun to show such interest in her, she felt she could open up and think about these things and most importantly let them go.

“I will leave you fer now, Petunia Evans, to yer contemplations. But, I will return and we shall talk again.”

Danú left and Petunia sat there for a while further considering the questions the Goddess had left her with. When she looked towards the manor there was only one person she wanted to talk this out with and that was Lily, but she wasn’t ready for everything. Not yet, at least.

Getting up, Petunia made her way to the manor, cleaned up and took her afternoon trek to the village. She thought maybe a nice cup of tea and something a little sweet would help settle her mind before she talked to Lily. Gauging what her sister thoughts would help Petunia to make her final decision.

+++

“You seem pensive, my dear.” Arthur had once again sat a her table with his own cup of tea in hand.

“You seem overly interested in interrupting my quiet time.”

Arthur laughed before shaking his head and sipping his tea.

“Touché my dear girl, touché. I cannot help but wonder if you’ve given your answer to our Goddess any consideration.”

“I have, but I’m not discussing this with you.”

“You understand that I have a stake in your decision. We are counting on you, Petunia to do the right thing here.”

“But it’s my decision, and mine alone.” Petunia didn’t ever attempt to keep the frustration out of her voice. She was perturbed by how Arthur was pushing her to make this important decision.

“I apologize. It’s just that a lot is riding on what your decision is and if you feel I am pushing you, it’s not my intention.”

Petunia studied the man in front of her for a moment as she sat back and nibbled on a biscuit. Arthur was somewhat of a conundrum for her. She wanted to make the decision that was best for her, and not what anyone thinks she should do. However, she also understood the gravity of the situation.

“Be honest with me, Arthur.” Petunia took another moment before she spoke again. “Is my going back truly what brings you back also?”

Arthur crossed his legs and eyed Petunia for a moment before he said anything.

“Yes. You going back will trigger a series of events that will take place over time. Myself, Myrrdin, Morgana, Lancelot, and Nimue will be reborn. You won’t know who we are until the Goddess believes you’re ready.”

Petunia didn’t know what to say, so she sat there drinking her tea and eating her biscuits.

“I’ll let you know what I decide soon enough. I need time to consider all of the ramifications of my decision.”

Arthur nodded and didn’t say anything else as he stood and left Petunia to finish her tea and biscuits. A little while after Arthur left, Petunia gathered her things and made her way back to the manor. There were many things she had to contemplate before she made her final decision.

Chapter 4

Sitting at the patio table, Petunia watched the sky turn dark and the stars fill the sky. She knew it was a trick and not real, or at least she assumed it was. What did the dead need of the changing of night to day? She assumed that maybe it was a way to give comfort and a semblance of normalcy as a way to transition towards their final destination.

“You’re out here late.”

“Does time truly pass here?”

Lily softly laughed as she pulled her legs onto the chair and wrapper her arms around them. It reminded Petunia of their days as children when they would run out to the back yard with blankets and pillows and stare up at the night sky telling each other their childish secrets.

Smiling to herself, Petunia stood and held her hand out for Lily who took it without hesitation. She ran with Lily behind her, the two laughing together as they hadn’t done since they were young. Past the roses and the herb garden was a wide open space where blankets and pillows appeared on the ground. Petunia flopped down, pulling Lily with her, the two of them laughing, their hair tangled in a mess on each of their heads. Flopping back, Petunia smiled as she looked up and sighed.

“What has gotten into you, Pet?”

“Is it strange that I’ve learned to be happy, here when we’re dead and just waiting to move on?” She turned her head to look at her sister and smiled.

“No, I don’t think it’s strange. I believe that this place is for lessons, and learning to let go. I haven’t quite let go of Harry, even though I see how happy he is, how happy his family makes him. It saddens me that I haven’t been able to be a part of that for him.”

Petunia turned to look at the sky once more.

“I’m truly sorry, Lils. I know how terrible I was and I know that I’ve been given a reprieve. This time to be with you, to earn your forgiveness has been beyond precious.”

“Petal…” Lily looked like she was going to cry, but held back as she too looked up to the stars. Nothing more was said between the two for a while as they both watched the stars overhead.

“Do you think the sky is real? Or is it some kind of simulation?”

“I don’t know, I’ve never thought about it.”

“I suppose it’s a comfort of sorts. Something familiar as we go through this phase of our existence.”

Lily turned her head to look at Petunia once more.

“You’re rather introspective. I don’t ever remember you being like that as an adult.”

“I wasn’t. I wanted to pretend that my life was better than yours and everything was perfect because I had normalcy. It was anything but perfect and I only have myself to blame.”

Lily hummed in agreement, Petunia knew it was ground they had gone over many times since Petunia died and joined James and Lily in the afterlife.

“Can I confess something to you, Lily?”

“I thought you were all out of confessions,” Lily chuckled as she turned on her side, Petunia mirrored her and gathered her thoughts together before speaking.

“When I went to uni, before Vernon and all that, I loved it. More than I thought I would. I began to find something just for me. I met someone.” Petunia went silent for a few moments while Lily studied her fairly intensely. Like she had when they were girls and she was attempting to figure out her big sister and all of Petunia’s quirks.

“What happened?”

“I got scared. I told myself that it was wrong and we couldn’t be together, make a life together, and I hurt them badly. Shortly after I met Vernon, and well, you know the rest.”

“Petunia, why did you think it was wrong? Were they younger or older? Was it a professor?” Lily’s smile was a tad salacious and she did the eyebrow wiggle that had Petunia laughing despite herself.

“No. Lils, that person…they were a girl. Her name was Marie and she was so sweet and caring. She didn’t care about convention, but because of everything that happened and how Mum and Dad acted when you got your letter, well I was afraid they would condemn me for it. So, I buried those feelings so deep inside of myself that I think it’s what started my own self-hatred.”

Lily was quiet so long that Petunia assumed she was shocked and appalled by her confession. Looking down at the grass under them, Petunia picked at it until she felt a hand on her face.

“Oh, Pet. I wouldn’t have cared. And you know Mum and Dad wouldn’t either. They had all sorts of friends. Remember Auntie May and Irene? Didn’t you realize they were together?”

Petunia quickly blinked her eyes as the revelation of their parents’ friends hit her like a runaway bus.

“Are you serious?”

“Oh, dear yes! They were queer and Mum and Dad didn’t care one bit. May had been Mum’s best friend for forever and she knew the whole time. I asked questions when I accidentally saw May and Irene kissing. Boy, that was an eye opener.”

Lily laughed which made Petunia laugh. She had been scared her parents would have rejected her. Another regret that Petunia had to deal with, but maybe, just maybe if she did accept Danú’s offer, she could do a great many things differently.

The sisters spent until the sky brightened and the sun just began to warm them. Petunia hoped that the sky was real because the dawning of a new day brought hope where she had previously felt hopeless and restless. She knew soon she’d have her answer for the Goddess, and maybe she was finding answers for herself.

+++

This time when Danú found her in the gardens, Petunia was strolling through them letting her thoughts wander as a sense of peace like she had never felt before fell over her. The day was as bright and beautiful as any other day and Petunia for once truly enjoyed her surroundings.

“‘Ye have a sense of peace about you, Girl.”

Petunia turned to see that Danú was strolling beside her, this time in a dark emerald green with silver accents, her red hair flowed behind her in a complicated braid adorned with flowers and gems. She was just as breathtaking as every other time Petunia had interacted with the Goddess.

“I’ve come to learn a lot about myself and learn to let go of the regrets of my past that had bogged me down. I was never introspective when alive, and I suppose that’s why I ended up in the position I was in before I died.

“This time with Lily and James, it was important.”

The two walked side by side for a while in silence that was far more comfortable than Petunia thought it should have been.

“This will be the final time I ask you, Petunia Evans. If you refuse me, or stall for more time, you’ll be forced to meet your final fate.”

Petunia wasn’t afraid any longer she had made up her mind while she and Lily were watching the night sky together and reminiscing about their past. She thought of the old adage that confession was good for the soul and for the first time in her life, Petunia felt lighter and even a bit braver than when she had been alive.

It took her time to get her thought together and knew what her choice needed to be. She turned towards the Goddess, nodded once to herself than spoke of her decision.

“I’ll go back. I’ll pledge my life to you, Goddess. I’ll learn from Mórai the ways of our ancestors.”

“Good choice, Girl. Now, we’ll talk about when you should go.” Danú stopped their strolling near the herb garden, conjured up a charming patio set with tea and biscuits, smiled softly as she waved for Petunia to sit.

***

Danú left Petunia where she was contemplating what it was they had planned together. She hadn’t realized how long she had sat out among the gardens until a hand gently touched her shoulder. Looking up she saw her sister’s smiling face and knew that the decisions she had made with Danú were the right thing to do. Even if they were difficult, Petunia had come to understand that she wanted and needed those changes.

“You’ve been out here for quite a spell, Petal.” Lily sat at the little cafe table that Petunia had moved to.

“I have made a decision that I never would have if I were alive, and yet it feels like the right thing to do.” Petunia wished she had a glass of something cool to relieve her throat. When a glass of tea appeared in her hand she almost laughed. She knew physically there was nothing wrong with her throat, but psychologically she felt the burn of the dryness.

“What did you agree to?” Lily gave her a concerned look and Petunia took a few moments to gather her thoughts before she began to speak. Danú said nothing about keeping this decision quiet so Petunia turned so she could be facing her sister.

“Did you know that you and I, we are descended from the Fae known as Nimue?”

“The Lady who gave Arthur Excalibur? Are you serious?” Lily’s face showed Petunia that she didn’t believe it, and frankly since her encounter with Arthur, neither had she up until Danú showed herself to Petunia.

“Quite serious. Lily, I’ve met Arthur Pendragon and the Goddess Danú. I’ve had strange conversations recently and am surprised that Merlin himself hasn’t appeared before our eyes.”

Lily laughed, but not in a mocking way and Petunia didn’t even try to stop herself. She laughed at the absurdity that had become her existence.

“You do get into the most interesting situations, Pet.”

Turning serious, Petunia leaned back in her chair and sipped her tea, more to give her hands something to do.

“Lils, I agreed to go back. To try again and I promise you, Lils, I promise that I will treat Harry as my own if events play out the same. I was told…” Petunia let the pain of Lily’s loss fill her in ways she hadn’t previously. She grieved when she was alive, but it was alone and silent even if it was tinged with anger. Her heartbreak was real and Petunia lashed out the only way she had known how to, she took it out on those around her while she buried her feelings.

“What, Pet? Or can you not tell me?”

Petunia searched inside herself to see if she could feel her Goddess there and in but a moment she felt it. A warmth deep down in her soul that she had never felt before. Love, protection, and guidance like she had never experienced before lived there inside of her. She asked if telling Lily would harm anything, and it was only a moment before Petunia had her answer.

“I was told that I can’t save you, Lils. No matter what happens, no matter how much changes, I am not allowed to save you.” Petunia felt her eyes fill as she looked at her sister through blurred vision.

Lily reached over and twinde her fingers with Petunia’s own.

“It’s all right, Pet. James and I, we know we’ll only ever be allowed to go forward. There are no do overs for us. But, you are being given a rare gift, Sister. Don’t waste it.”

Petunia softened her expression and she pressed her fingers with Lily’s. She knew this time with her sister and brother-in-law was coming close to an end, but she hoped that by going back she could be in their lives more. Petunia knew she was being given a gift beyond price and the price she was paying seemed so little for it.

“I don’t plan on throwing this away. I want…I want to do better. I want to be a better person. I don’t want to be filled with hate and bitterness. I know it’s not going to be easy, but I believe I can do this.”

“Then you shall. If there is one thing I know about you, Pet is your determination and stubbornness. If you set your mind to it, you will change things.”

Petunia hoped so. She knew she was going to return with limited memories, and only those that were important to the new life she was going to have the chance to live.

The sisters sat for quite a while talking, reminiscing and laughing with each other. It was another chink in that thick armor that Petunia had built up around herself to make sure she had stayed ‘normal’. However, she was learning more and more that life is what you make it, and there was no such thing as normal.

***

Petunia knew that Danú was going to come for her. She felt it in that place where the blessings of the Goddess lived inside her. She didn’t have long and Petunia had made peace with Lily and with James. She learned more about the young man and the fact that he owned up to his mistakes, to the pranks he had pulled, and the mean spirited tricks against the young boy, Severus Snape. James deeply regretted his actions, and Petunia began to think better of him. He had begun to grow out of that boyish meanness when the wizard Voldemort had killed him and Lily.

Petunia also learned as much as she could about the war, Sirius’ role as Harry’s Godfather and what that meant in the Wizarding World. Petunia knew she wasn’t going to remember all of this, but there were pieces she felt being tucked away in her subconscious that would be used for a later time.

“Petunia, before Danú takes you away, there is something I’d like to ask you.” James had stopped Petunia before her normal walk towards the village.

“Yes, what is it?”

“Look, I know you see me as a spoiled entitled ass, and frankly I was. But, there are things I’ve learned since being dead that I wished I could have changed. One is that prank I pulled on Severus. He did not deserve my bullying. I know you won’t be going to Hogwarts, but…I don’t know if you remember this, if maybe you could warn Lily, maybe…”

James let out a long deep sigh that Petunia could sense was filled with frustration and self-recriminations.

“What is it you’re trying to tell me? That you want Lily to stop you from being a total and complete prat?” Petunia pulled up to her full intimidating height, and glared at James.

“I don’t know. I don’t know if you’ll even remember any of this. I just wish I could make it right.”

Petunia looked out over the glorious fields and took time to consider James’ words before she turned back towards him.

“I will consider what you’re telling me. I don’t know how much I’ll be allowed to remember. The Goddess is in charge of that, but if she deems it important, and if things play out like they had before, I will do my best.”

James’ smile was radiant and Petunia felt something inside her thaw even more towards the young man.

“Thank you. Thank you, it’s all I can ask.”

Petunia gently patted James on the arm, then turned away to take her normal walk through towards the village. There was a different feeling, like the fate of the world was resting in her hands and Petunia hoped that she was up to the challenge before her.

***

“So, you’ve made your choice.”

Petunia looked up at Arthur who once again sat at her table, his movements effortless like the movement of a man who had trained for war all of his life.

“Yes. I have. But, you seem to know that anyway.” Petunia picked up her cup of tea and sipped, enjoying the bold, smoky flavors of the lapsang souchong she was drinking. Again, there was that bit of cognitive dissonance that she wasn’t actually drinking anything. But the sensations, scents, and flavors were all so familiar that the experience was almost equal to that of the real thing.

“The lady has spoken with me about it. She is pleased that you’ve taken up her patronage and eagerly waits for you to begin.”

“And what about you? What are you are waiting for?”

Arthur smiled sadly as he stared at the table.

“I wait for the chance to be reborn. When you go back, so do I and so does Morgana. There are others that are awaiting for you to return as you are the catalyst for great change. Of course, no pressure my dear.”

Petunia snorted as she set her tea back down and stared at Arthur for a moment with a raised brow.

“Right, no pressure indeed.”

“Just remember to not let yourself fall into the same trap of envy that took you before. You’re smart and engaging, Petunia Evans. Let that be your shining trait.”

“This is a lot to live up to. Can you really say that I’m up to this task?” Petunia knew doubts were setting in.

“If the Lady didn’t think you were suited to this task neither Danú nor Lady Magic herself would have been inclined to make you the offer. We all believe you can do this, Petunia. You just need to believe in yourself.”

Petunia sipped her tea once more and considered Arthur’s words. As she was about to ask him something else another man joined them.

“This is her?” The man asked as he looked at Arthur.

“Yes, but it’s rather rude of you not to address the lady.”

“Fine, fine.” The man turned and looked at Petunia. “Myrrdin Emrys, at your service.”

Petunia sighed before she smiled and held out her hand for Myrrdin to take.

“Are all mythological men and women going to greet me before the Goddess takes me away?” Petunia quipped as she raised a brow at her newest companion.

“No. And I’m not a myth, thank you very much. But you do have a rather heavy task on your shoulders and I thought it prudent to meet you.”

“Merlin,” Arthur said in that long suffering way she had often heard her own father towards her mother. It made Petunia snicker as she took a sip of tea to try to hide her amusement.

“If I didn’t know better you two sould like an old married couple.”

“Yes, well there were rumors. Many disturbing rumors. Merlin raised me for fuck’s sake.”

“I had to do something to make up for the damage I did by letting Uther talk me into using the invocation of the Dragon’s Breath. I interfered with things that should have played out on their own, and for that I regret many of my actions.”

“As well you should, old man.” Arthur teased and Merlin glared. The whole thing was comical enough that it put Petunia at ease.

“If you are successful, that means we are reborn and I’d really relish the chance to do things better. But, I understand the fickle nature of fate. We’ll be rooting for you, Petunia Evans. And, if things go the way they should, we shall meet once again.”

“Both of you are absolute shite at reassuring anyone of anything. No wonder you screwed it all up.” Petunia raised a brow and dared them to contradict her.

“Yes, well I guess we deserve that. We are, after all, arrogant men who thought we knew better.” Myrrdin sighed and there was a melancholy about him that Petunia wondered about.

“I cannot promise anything, Myrrdin, but I promise that what I can do is try my best.”

Arthur reached over and took Petunia’s hand and held it a moment. “That’s all we ask my dear.”

The three of them talked for a while longer, Petunia listening to stories about Arthur growing up a rough and tumble ruffian, then at a young age given over to the care of Sir Kay to learn the ways of men and Knights. Petunia laughed and relearned what it was to feel joy. As the time drew ever closer for her to leave a thought occurred to her. This time she was given with her sister, with Arthur and Merlin, it was all to help her heal and to learn to forgive herself of her mistakes. Almost like she was wiping her soul clean for a fresh beginning.

The voice inside her, the one that Petunia attributed to her Goddess softly laughed and reassured her that her thoughts were not too far off. This was a cleansing of sorts and Petunia was ready for the next phase.

***

1971

It happened quickly. Not with a lot of fanfare, but subtle and gentle. She slipped into her younger body and woke up at first unaware of what had happened. It took Petunia a few moments to remember her time in Summerland. She was warned that the time spent there would leave her mind gradually giving her time to get used to being a child once more.

“Pet,” the warm, joyful voice of her sister’s made Petunia sit up and take note that she was in her childhood bedroom. The girl she loved dearly was bouncing on her toes looking at her eagerly. “Come on. Get up! Do you know what day it is?”

Petunia laughed softly at Lily’s enthusiasm. She knew exactly what day it was. Today was Lily’s eleventh birthday. The day that everything had changed. The day she was going to get an important letter, and the day Petunia was going to be given a choice.

Remember your commitment, Petunia Evans.

That warm voice, the one that belonged to her Goddess gently reminded her of what she had to do and Petunia was going to embrace it and not be afraid any longer.

“Coming Lils. Let me get dressed.” Petunia rolled out of bed, hugged her sister close as the two ran down the hallway to the washroom to get ready for this most important day.

Breakfast was a bustling noisy affair as Lily received some early gifts from their Mum. It was her favorite breakfast, as well as some new clips for her hair. Mum thought maybe she could wear them for the day.

Petunia had a gift for Lily as well. Shyly she slid the box over and waited.

Lily excitedly grabbed it and tore open the paper, then the box that had been wrapped up. The squeal that came from her little sister had Petunia smiling wide.

“I love it, Pet. It’s the best pencil box ever,” Lily exclaimed in her most dramatic voice. Petunia laughed at her sister’s antics.

“That’s what I’ve been making in Daddy’s workshop. Mum got me the lily fabric, but Daddy helped me with the box.”

“It’s perfect, Pet. I will cherish it forever and ever and ever.”

“Okay, girls. Put your gifts away from the table, Lilypad and have your breakfast.”

“Yes, Mummy.”

Petunia felt that warm glow in her heart for her sister. She felt the memories of her old life slowly disappearing, but there was a reassurance that not all of them would be gone, but the weight of her previous life was not going to color her second chance.

After breakfast, the girls got ready for school, Petunia helped Lily put her new hair clips in, and Lily talked Petunia into using the ones their Mum had given Petunia a few months prior for her own birthday.

Lily carefully transferred her favorite pens and pencils, erasers, and highlighters to her new box and put it in her backpack. The girls were ready to go by the time their Daddy was ready to take them and drop them off at school.

There were no incidents at school, other than Lily’s friends gifting her with small things that made her smile. When they got back home, their Grandparents were there, as well as some other family members, and some close friends to all celebrate Lily’s eleventh birthday.

While the party was in full swing, that was when Petunia was braced for what came next. The Hogwarts letter arrived while the girls were upstairs changing into more appropriate clothes for the party.

“What’s that, Mummy?” Lily asked as she flopped down on the couch, the letter was being passed over to her. She read it out loud and looked around at the family. Some had puzzled expressions on their faces, but Grandma and Grandpa O’Flanagan had expressions like they knew what was going on.

“Oh, that’s different, now isn’t it dear?” Their Mum smiled as she took the letter and read it again. “Does this explain all of those strange things that have been happening?”

Their Dad took the letter and read through it, “It’s quite possible, dear.”

“May I, Daughter?” Grandma took the letter and read through it herself. “Aye, ‘tis a great honor, girl. Hogwarts ‘tis well known in certain places. And, it ‘tisn’t as if there hasn’t been an O’Flannigan at the school before, you know. I think you will fit right in.”

“But, Grandmama, it’s in Scotland. I’ll be away from all of you.”

“Well, why don’t we put this away and we’ll talk about this later.” Mum put the letter up and Petunia felt it, the moment of her decision was coming closer.

“I’m…” Sighing, Petunia got up from the couch and went to the back yard where the swing set their father had built for them a few years ago still sat in good condition. Petunia sat and began to swing, thinking about this day from a whole new perspective.

“So, child. What has you out here ‘tinkin’ so hard?”

Petunia slowly swung back and forth as she looked up at the sky. Those same mixed emotions she had the first time around came unbidden as she pondered how to answer her grandmother. She had made promises, but they were hard to follow through on. She hadn’t been honest with anyone, let alone herself in her previous life, she knew she had to be. She had to voice those thoughts she had suppressed the first time. Looking at her Grandmama, Petunia nodded once to herself then began to speak of feelings she had long ago buried.

“I don’t want her to go, Grandmama.”

“Oh, darlin’ I know ‘ye don’t. You and Lily have been thick as thieves since ‘ye were babies.”

Petunia swung and thought hard, her memories were fading faster than expected except for this one moment. The moment that she came back for. The pivotal moment that might help set things right.

“Have there really been O’Flannigan’s at Hogwarts before Grandmama? Did you go?”

“No, I didn’t go. But, your Great Auntie Mathilda did. My sister loved it. No, I…” Petunia looked over at her Grandmother and waited with baited breath.

“Yes, Grandmama?”

“I learned something different. Do you believe there to be magic in this world?”

Petunia knew what her answer was in her old life and how young and naive she had been at the time. Now, she knew better, she had seen for her own eyes.

“I do, Grandmama.”

“What if I told ‘ye that you have talent, girl. Talent that could be cultivated, magic that could be trained. Granted ‘tis different than ‘yer sister’s but no less than what she’ll be able to do.”

“I would believe you. I would want to know, I want to learn.”

“Aye, then. This summer, you’ll come to us and you’ll learn. Yer smart and talented in your own way, Petunia. You’ll work hard, but I know yer a clever girl. I think…I think you’ll be something special, Girl.”

Looking at her Grandmama, Petunia felt a knowing deep inside that reassured her she was making the right decision.

“Thank you, Grandmama.” Reaching over, her Grandmama mussed her hair and smiled softly. Petunia knew this was the moment her whole life was going to change. She felt the warmth and acceptance from her Goddess deep inside her and Petunia was ready for the new future ahead of her.

---