Reading Time: 156 Minutes

Title: The Burden of Decisions
Series: The Weight of Actions
Series Order: 1
Author: Bythia
Fandom: 9-1-1
Genre: Episode Related, Family
Relationship(s): Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Evan “Buck” Buckley/Taylor Kelly
Content Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Discussion of Canon Domestic Violence, Discussion of Post-Partum Depression, not Chimney friendly
Author Note: This story was mostly finished before 5B aired, and except for a name I didn’t include any additional information we got with 5B. But because canon brought it up: there is no cheating involved despite the two parings tagged. Besides my artist and my beta reader, I would also like to thank AngelNDarkness for her help in figuring out some of the legal procedures and consequences discussed in the story.
Beta: starlitenite
Word Count: 106,000
Summary: When Chimney shows up at Buck’s apartment, he doesn’t notice Taylor standing at the top of the stairs and witnessing the argument and the punch. Her decision on how to handle the situation after Chimney left changes the course for all of them.
Artist: Twigen

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Chapter 01

Taylor gasped and her phone nearly slipped out of her hand when Chimney raised his arm and punched Buck. She didn’t know why she had started to record the ranting that had begun as soon as Chimney had stormed into the apartment, but she was suddenly very glad she had. She’d had a bad feeling, and she had long ago learned to trust those feelings. Chimney had been so focused on his rant and Buck that he hadn’t even noticed her standing at the top of the stairs.

The past week had been exhausting for Buck and worrying for Taylor. She didn’t know what to think about Maddie leaving, but she knew what she thought about the things Buck had told her about Chimney’s reaction. Taylor had thought he was spiraling before this, while Buck had grown more and more worried about him and desperate because he didn’t know how to help his friend. She hadn’t expected this kind of reaction from Chimney though, and surely neither had Buck.

Taylor was halfway down the stairs, shoving her phone into her pocket, before the door had even fully shut behind Chimney. Buck still stood at the table, one hand braced on it, the other raised to his face. He was tracing the bone under his eye carefully with his thumb, his jaw slowly moving from one side to the other when Taylor reached him.

“Buck.” Taylor pulled his hand away carefully, eying his face. The punch had to have been incredibly powerful with the way Buck had whirled around. “Did he hit your jaw or farther up?”

“Right under the eye,” Buck muttered. He didn’t protest when Taylor directed him to sit down on the chair. “Sorry you had to see that.”

Taylor frowned. “Yeah, I’m not sorry at all. How much does it hurt?”

Buck closed his eyes but let her tilt his head back carefully and turn it to the light. “I wasn’t expecting something like that from Chimney. This isn’t like him at all.”

“Is there a reason you aren’t answering my question?” Taylor asked. She had a hard time keeping her voice calm, but she also didn’t want to show her anger. Buck wasn’t reacting to this situation as she had expected him to, and Taylor thought she didn’t want to find out how he would react to her anger against Chimney at the moment.

Buck sighed. “I’ll ice the eye and it will be okay.”

“I’d feel better if you let me bring you to the ER.”

Buck opened his eyes blinking and frowned. “What? Why?”

“To make sure that there isn’t more damage than we can see. The facial bones are more fragile than you might think.” Taylor sighed and bit her lip. “I had a friend who ran into a pole and cracked her skull without noticing until she was hit by a ball during gym class and collapsed. Was the talk of the whole school for the rest of the year. We never let her live it down.”

Buck huffed out a laugh. “How old were you?”

“We were both seventeen, senior year. Gym class wasn’t fun for the teacher for the rest of the year,” Taylor explained smiling. It had been a long time before she had stopped being horrified about that situation. She had felt guilty for laughing about her friend when she had turned around after walking backward for a couple of yards and smashed right into the pole. Neither of them had expected any kind of damage from it, until that horrible gym class. “No one was ready to throw a single ball again, or do anything else that could inadvertently hurt someone.” She cupped his cheeks with her hands and inspected his eyes. “Do you have a headache?”

Buck grinned lopsidedly. “Would be more worried if that weren’t the case. I’m okay. I’ve had worse.” He grabbed her waist and pulled her against him between his legs.

Taylor shook her head. She wouldn’t let him distract her. “Your left pupil is dilated more than your right, just a little but enough that I really want you to see a doctor, just to be sure.”

Buck bit his lip and frowned up at her. “Chimney is not the first guy to punch me in the face. I was once a pretty dumb kid who loved to party and to flirt with practically anyone who looked at me for more than two seconds. That’s not always a good idea.”

Taylor took a deep breath. “Just because this is something that’s commonplace in certain circles doesn’t mean it’s okay. Or less dangerous. I know you are aware of the signs of a concussion, checking for those is part of your job after all.”

Buck sighed. “I really think this is an overreaction, but if it will make you feel better, I’ll let you drive me to the ER, okay?”

Taylor leaned down to press a kiss against his lips. “Thank you. I’ll get my purse, don’t move.”

Buck didn’t follow her advice, of course, and when he saw Taylor come back down the stairs he stood, only to brace his hands on the table with a groan. “Okay, maybe a doctor isn’t as bad an idea as I thought.”

“Or maybe I call an ambulance,” Taylor frowned.

“No,” Buck groaned, shaking his head slowly, carefully. “No ambulance. God, that would be so embarrassing. Although I’ll take the elevator for once instead of the stairs. Who’d have thought Chim packed such a punch?”

“Just dizzy, or are you nauseous as well?”

Buck sighed and grinned lopsidedly. “Just the world turning around me in a way I know it shouldn’t.”

Taylor grabbed his arm and led him out of the apartment and to the elevator. Buck was silent the whole way out of the building until they sat in Taylor’s car. He was clearly in pain but not prepared to admit to it, and Taylor was glad he was so easily letting her drive him to the ER. She could imagine how he would have just iced his eye and ignored everything else for the rest of the night if she hadn’t been there.

“When did Maddie call you?”

Buck groaned, leaning his head back with closed eyes. “The day after she left. Chim said she got money from a bank in Oxnard. I assume she called me after, or maybe shortly before.”

“And what did you talk about?” Taylor asked. “Chimney made a lot of assumptions about what you knew, but you didn’t really say anything about it.”

“What was there to say? You think he would have listened to anything? I mean, he has been barely listening before, and that was when he was just going crazy in his worry about Maddie, not pissed at me as well.”

“No,” Taylor agreed. He hadn’t cared much for what Buck had tried to stammer out right before the punch as far as Taylor could say. “So, what did Maddie tell you?”

Buck took a deep breath. “Nothing, really. I asked her to come home, but she didn’t want to hear any of that. Kept insisting she wasn’t good for Jee to be around. But I didn’t know she was at the ER with Jee. She just said ‘doctor’, that she had been to a doctor with Jee, not that there had been this kind of accident.”

“You just weren’t surprised enough for Chimney,” Taylor muttered.

Buck huffed. “Was more worried about him, and Jee is clearly fine. Maddie would have said if something had been amiss. If there had been something we needed to look out for, she would have left that in the message for Chimney, or told me on the phone.”

“You sure about that?” Taylor asked. “I mean … Chimney seems to think she isn’t really herself right now.”

“If there’s one thing that will penetrate whatever is going on with her, it’s making sure there is nothing wrong with Jee,” Buck said, slurring some of his words. “Didn’t matter what was going on with her when I was a kid, she always made sure to take care of me. Now that it’s actually her own kid that won’t be any different. She’ll even be more worried and careful with Jee than she was ever with me. Leaving has been part of that worry, she made that very clear.”

Taylor sighed. “That’s not how PPD or any kind of depression works, you know that right?”

There hadn’t been any confirmation about that, but it was a suspicion Buck had had for nearly two months now. He had tried to reach out to Maddie, but she hadn’t been up to see him most of the time or even speak with him on the phone. As far as Taylor knew, Chimney had repeatedly told Buck off for pushing himself on Maddie, but even now after Maddie was gone Chimney hadn’t confirmed Buck’s suspicion. Though Taylor thought Maddie leaving was confirmation enough for it.

Buck shook his head. “You don’t know Maddie. But it doesn’t matter anyway. If Jee wasn’t okay Chimney would have been back at the doctor with her instead of storming my apartment, don’t you think?”

Taylor swallowed. “I’m not so sure about that.”

She had never liked what she had learned about Chimney when she had investigated the whole crew of the 118 a few years ago after they had come to her and her pilot’s rescue after their helicopter crashed. But she didn’t know Chimney personally, and had tried to put those reservations away since rekindling her relationship with Buck because Chimney was Buck’s family. That was something she wouldn’t be able to do any longer, now.

“He has to have talked with the doctor Maddie and Jee saw at the ER,” Buck said. “How else would he have gotten all these details? There wasn’t much information in the letter from the insurance other than that Jee had been in the ER. There wasn’t anything about a bath tub accident, or why she had been in the ER at all.”

“So, he went to the hospital, found out what had happened, and decided to chase after Maddie without even knowing where to start looking? That sounds even more insane than this theory that Doug somehow survived after you and Sergeant Grant saw his body. And what will he do with Jee? He can’t very well take her with him on a wild goose chase across the country. She can’t spend the whole day in a car seat.”

“I have no idea.” Buck shrugged. “Probably leave her with the Lees, or with Hen and Karen. He sure as hell won’t ask me to take her right now, will he? Not with how angry he is at me. I would take her in a heartbeat, though, you need to know that. But I don’t think he should go after Maddie. It’s insane. And not what she wants. He won’t listen to me though. Hasn’t done that the whole week.”

“That anger is completely misplaced,” Taylor muttered.

“No, I probably should have just told him that Maddie had called. Wouldn’t have changed anything anyway, would it? We still don’t know where she is, or what she is planning to do.”

Taylor tightened her grip on the steering wheel, hating the excuses Buck was offering. It wasn’t worth arguing about it now—that would be better discussed when Buck wasn’t possibly suffering from a concussion and definitely a headache. And maybe with a little bit of time the shock would run off and he would start to see the atrocity of what Chimney had done.

***

Eddie stopped in the doorway of the hospital room he had been directed to. He had just been leaving Chimney’s apartment—where Albert had called him to in a panic earlier when he hadn’t been able to calm down Jee-Yun, who he had been babysitting for his brother—when the hospital had called him. He still didn’t know why Buck was here, only that the hospital suspected he had a concussion and may not be able to make decisions for himself, and therefore they had called Eddie as Buck’s emergency contact.

Buck was lying in a hospital bed, Taylor sitting on the edge with her hand placed on Buck’s leg. “I still think this is an overreaction,” Buck said. He had his eyes closed, and around his left eye Eddie could see the first shadows of a black eye rising.

Eddie cleared his throat, which made Taylor turn and Buck barely open his eyes. “What happened?”

“Eddie?” Buck asked quietly. “What are you doing here?”

“The hospital called me as your medical proxy,” Eddie explained. “They don’t trust you to make your own decisions.” He dragged the chair that stood beside the door to the bed and sat down. “So, what happened?”

Buck shrugged and stared at his hands. “Had a little argument with Chimney.”

Eddie frowned in confusion. “Okay. How does that explain you being here?”

“Chimney punched him,” Taylor said. “And it was less an argument than Chimney ranting and drawing some conclusions based on Buck not reacting to some news like Chimney expected him to.”

“I didn’t tell him that Maddie had called me,” Buck said hurriedly. “He guessed it when he told me about Jee being at the ER. He was just angry.”

Eddie growled, “That’s no excuse to hit you!”

He fisted his hands in his lap for a moment and took a deep breath to calm himself down. Chimney hadn’t given any sign that he had even come from a confrontation, and Eddie didn’t know if he was more rattled by that, by the fact that Chimney had lashed out in that way at all, or by Buck clearly trying to excuse it.

Buck sighed. “It’s not as bad as you think. And you know how he has been this last week. He hasn’t been able to deal with Maddie just leaving.” He paused, bit his lip, and rubbed a hand over his forehead. “I just hope he’ll be able to forgive me eventually. She is my sister, of course I’d keep my promises to her if at all possible. And I don’t see how it would have changed anything if I had told him.”

Eddie sucked in a breath, his heart breaking a little bit for his friend. So often Buck blamed himself for everything, not able or willing to see that others had wronged him. “He is not the one who needs to forgive you anything. You’ll need to think about if you are able to forgive him, or if you even want to!”

Buck frowned. “I don’t…”

He was interrupted by a knock on the open door and a doctor stepping into the room. “It’s good to see you talking a little clearer than earlier, Mr. Buckley. How is the headache?”

Buck shrugged. “Unchanged.”

The doctor nodded and turned to Eddie. “I assume you are Mr. Diaz? I’m Dr. Elise Klein.”

Eddie nodded. “Nice to meet you.”

She sent him a curt smile. “I’d like for Mr. Diaz to stay as your medical proxy while we talk about your x-rays because I’m not so sure about your abilities to take in everything I say, Mr. Buckley.”

“Yeah, sure.” Buck shrugged again. “I’d like Taylor to stay as well.”

Dr. Klein smiled and closed the door. “Alright. I have your x-rays here, and it’s a good thing that we did them.” She turned the tablet in her hands around to face them, displaying two x-rays of a head. “You have a hairline fracture in your zygomatic bone, but thankfully there is no displacement.” She traced her finger over the screen where the fracture was visible. “We’ll monitor the healing process over the next couple of weeks, but it should heal on its own without any intervention necessary. It’s possible that the movement of your jaw will be limited for a while, and headaches could be a problem. I’d like to keep you here overnight to monitor your concussion, but I expect you to be able to go home tomorrow.”

“How long will that take to heal?” Buck asked.

“Three to six weeks,” Klein said. “After looking at your medical file and previous healing times, I’d say we are looking at the lower end there, though I won’t promise anything. I’d like to put you on medical leave for the next two weeks, and then reevaluate the situation. You should be careful not to risk another injury to the face, and you have a high-risk job for that.”

Buck frowned and threw a look at Eddie. “We’re already a man short with Chimney being on leave. I don’t think…”

“That’s really not what you should worry about,” Eddie interrupted him softly. “So, we’ll get a second floater if you are out for the next two weeks, or even longer. It’s not worth it to risk making this injury worse just so the rest of us don’t need to get used to one more stranger on shift.”

“You are entitled to take care of your own health,” Taylor said, her face pinched in a frown.

Buck sighed. “I don’t want to sit home the whole day, worrying about Maddie and Chimney, without having anything to do.”

Eddie grinned. “When I tell Chris that you are off work for two weeks, he’ll insist that you get him from school every afternoon. You’ll be so happy about the quiet morning hours when he is at school.”

“That’s not fair,” Buck complained, but he grinned as he said it. “And there is no way I’d ever get tired of Chris.”

“Then I’ll tell Chris he’ll have two weeks of Buck-time and you won’t complain once about his enthusiasm.” Eddie knew Buck wouldn’t complain about time with Christopher anyway, and it would serve to take his thoughts off of his worries and probably even his pain. “We’ll start tomorrow. I’ll call Bobby and warn him that I’ll be a little late and that you aren’t coming in at all, and then I’ll bring you home to Chris before I go to work.” He turned to Dr. Klein. “Or would you like to keep Buck here for longer than the early morning?”

She shook her head. “Early morning sounds good. I’ll see Mr. Buckley first for my morning round, and then you should be able to get him shortly after seven.”

“And if I don’t want to stay?” Buck asked.

Eddie sent him a silent look and Buck visibly deflated.

“Yeah, okay. Forget I even asked.”

Taylor patted his leg. “I’m glad you let me bring you here. Do you think Chris will mind if I join you for a while tomorrow?” She turned half to Eddie with that question.

Eddie shook his head. “For some reason I’m not quite sure I understand my son seems to like you.”

Taylor laughed. “Hey, you have learned to like me, too, you just don’t want to admit it!”

“Do any of you have any more questions?” Dr. Klein asked.

Eddie shook his head. “Thank you for taking care of Buck.”

After Buck had also shaken his head, Klein said, “Then I’ll need to ask the two of you to leave.”

Taylor nodded and leaned forward to press a short kiss against Buck’s lips. “Behave and try to get some rest. I’ll call you in the morning.”

Buck rolled his eyes. “I don’t even know what you mean.”

Eddie chuckled and patted his shoulder as he stood. “I’ll bring a change of clothes in the morning. Should I get anything else from your apartment for a day with Chris?”

Buck shook his head. “We’ll be good with the things you have at home. Will be a very lazy Sunday anyway.”

Eddie nodded and followed Taylor out of the room, clenching his hands tightly as soon as he was sure Buck couldn’t see him anymore. It had been hard work to hold his anger back, but he knew Buck wouldn’t have been able to deal with it at the moment.

“I had just left Chimney’s apartment when the hospital called me,” Eddie growled, which made Taylor stop in the middle of the hall and turn to him. “Looking at him, there was no sign at all that he had been in any kind of confrontation. I can’t believe that he broke Buck’s face and just shrugged it off as if nothing had happened.”

“I saw it happen!” Taylor bit out.

Eddie frowned. “What?” He blinked and then he shook his head. “That’s not what I meant. I believe you. I actually meant Chimney’s behavior. He came home and asked me about my wife and my own regrets about not following her when she left me, and I couldn’t see a single sign of regret or even just worry in him. The one time he mentioned Buck, he seemed to be angry at him, but not … I really don’t know what I would have expected from his behavior.”

“Let’s talk outside,” Taylor suggested and grabbed his arm as if he wouldn’t follow her anyway. She led him out of the hospital and to a small space halfway down the building with several benches gathered around. “I’m sorry for snapping at you. I’m just … I’ve never been a big fan of Chimney, and it wouldn’t be the first time he acted out in anger and it was swept under the rug. Although at least he was the only one hurt last time.”

Eddie crossed his arms and shook his head. “I have no idea what you are talking about.”

Taylor stared at him with a frown before she huffed in realization. “Right, his car accident was before you joined the 118, wasn’t it?”

“He was already back at work for a while before I joined, yes,” Eddie said slowly. “I’ve only ever heard stories about it, and it was always about the rebar.”

“Chimney caused the accident himself because he was driving aggressively and recklessly, and way over the speed limit. There was an investigation, but according to the information I found nothing ever came of it because of Chimney’s injury, and because no one else was injured. I couldn’t find any information about how the property damage was dealt with.” Taylor shrugged.

“And what does that have to do with him punching Buck?” Eddie asked.

Taylor sighed. “I’ve listened to Buck’s attempts to try to excuse Chimney’s behavior three different times. You heard the last one yourself.”

“Yeah, and I didn’t agree with it at all, if you missed that,” Eddie bit out.

“I’m sorry,” Taylor repeated. “This whole evening has been a clusterfuck.”

“I’m surprised you could convince Buck to come here,” Eddie said after a moment of silence.

Taylor sighed. “It was surprisingly easy, though I don’t think he would have come here if I had told him that my worry for his health is only half the reason I wanted him in the ER. How much convincing do you think it will take to have Buck report this?”

Eddie stared at her surprised. “You wanted him here for the evidence.”

“Yes.” Taylor shrugged. “Don’t expect me to let this go. I have the whole damn confrontation on video, but I really hadn’t expected more than a concussion, which would have been bad enough on its own.”

“You have it on video?” Eddie asked flabbergasted.

“I had a bad feeling when Chimney showed up,” Taylor explained. “So I just started recording. I stood at the top of the stairs, not hidden at all, but he was so focused on Buck and his anger that he never saw me. I watched the video while Buck was getting his x-ray. When it happened, I thought the punch came completely out of the blue, but … after watching it again, I wonder if it was calculated.”

Eddie gritted his teeth. His mind kept wandering back over his conversation with Chimney, kept replaying the moment when Chimney had come home, rubbing his fist absentmindedly before he had noticed that Eddie was there. Eddie couldn’t believe that Chimney had calmly talked with him about Shannon and his thoughts on following Maddie while Buck had been in the ER because of Chimney’s actions.

“Can I watch it?” Eddie asked finally.

“Sure.” Taylor pulled her phone out and gave it to him, the video already pulled up.

The video started with Chimney telling Buck that Jee-Yun had slipped under the water when Maddie had bathed her, with him standing between the kitchen island and table, his back to the kitchen. Eddie wondered how Chimney could have failed to notice that he and Buck weren’t alone in the apartment, and then he wondered if that would have changed anything. Especially as he saw how Chimney’s posture tensed with every word Buck said as he tried to explain how little he knew about Maddie.

Eddie’s grip on the phone tightened when he noticed the slight pause in Chimney, a tiny moment in which Chimney seemed to make a decision just before his fist flew up and Buck whirled around, his rambling cut off by shocked silence. For a moment, when Chimney stepped behind Buck and told him “I am not okay!”, Eddie was afraid it would be followed by another punch, and he blew out his breath in relief when Chimney turned and left.

“I can see what you mean,” Eddie murmured, giving the phone back to Taylor.

“You didn’t answer my question,” Taylor said. “Do you think we’ll be able to convince Buck to report this assault?”

Eddie inhaled slowly. “Would be a long and hard fight to convince him of that. I’m more concerned right now to make him understand that he isn’t the one who needs forgiveness. That’s such a fucked-up thought after being attacked in this way.”

Taylor nodded slowly, turning her phone in her hands. “Then I’ll go and report it myself.”

“That could possibly ruin your relationship with Buck,” Eddie cautioned, although he wasn’t opposed to her idea. He wouldn’t do it in Taylor’s place, but only because he didn’t know if Buck would ever be able to forgive it, and that would lead to a kind of break in their relationship Eddie never wanted to think about.

“I’m willing to risk that,” Taylor shrugged. “I’m not letting anyone get away with hurting someone if I can help it, especially someone I care about. It’s important that people face the consequences of their actions, and that the truth isn’t muddled up by time or losing evidence.”

“At least talk to Buck first,” Eddie cautioned. He was thrown by her words and her tone. He had never heard her talk with this kind of conviction before. “Don’t just take this decision completely out of his hands. If he says no, you can still go to the police yourself.”

“Do you think … There won’t be much time for me to talk with Buck tomorrow morning if you leave him to look after Chris. I mean, I can hardly talk with Buck about this while Chris is in the next room.”

“Or you could wait until Monday,” Eddie suggested. “We are back on our regular schedule starting Monday, which means I’ll have three days off. And Chris will be in school half the day.”

Taylor shook her head. “I would rather not wait another day.”

Eddie sighed. “My aunt is staying the night at my place anyway, and I assume she’ll want to stay and take care of Buck when she learns why I had to ask her to stay longer than planned. You can come by my house after I’ve dropped Buck off and Pepa can take Chris for a walk or something while you talk with Buck about going to the police.”

Taylor bit her lip and eyed him for a long moment. “Thank you.”

Eddie huffed and raised his brows. “You thought I would try to talk you out of this?”

“Chimney and Buck are both your friends,” Taylor shrugged. “And I know you are closer to Buck, but as you mentioned earlier, you know the kind of situation Chimney is in right now. I wasn’t sure you wouldn’t try to excuse his behavior.”

Eddie clenched his teeth. He wondered how much she knew about his own past of searching for a violent outlet for his anger, and if that had colored her expectations of him. That he had been briefly arrested wasn’t a secret, but his participation in the fight clubs should only be known to a very few, selected people. He hated that she doubted him in this, especially if his own mistakes from the past were the reason for that.

“I’m glad you are here for Buck,” Taylor said. “Especially if you are right and he won’t let me be there for him after I go to the police.”

Eddie blew out a breath. “Same. And for what it’s worth, I think going to the police is the right choice. I just think it’s not the right thing to do this behind Buck’s back or without his support.”

Chapter 02

Buck closed his eyes as soon as he sat in Eddie’s car and leaned his head back against the headrest. He still had a headache and the pills he had gotten for it with his discharge hadn’t kicked in yet. He had also noticed a distinct sensitivity to changes in the light around him and wasn’t sure how the car moving would affect him.

“Maybe looking after Chris isn’t something I should do today,” Buck muttered as Eddie started the car.

“Good thing you won’t be looking after him then. Pepa and Chris will be looking after you,” Eddie chuckled. “I really didn’t expect you to be able to entertain Chris after you were kept overnight for your concussion, you know?”

Buck sighed, holding back a frown. “I don’t want to be a bother for your aunt.”

“You aren’t,” Eddie said. “She’s happy to take care of you, and Chris is worried and wants to see you to make sure you are okay. Just let them take care of you, alright?”

“I tried to call Chimney earlier, just before you arrived, but he rejected my call,” Buck whispered.

“Why?”

Buck paused at the appalled tone in Eddie’s voice. “I don’t want this to simmer between us unresolved. And I wanted to try talking him out of searching for Maddie again. Because if he pushes her, that will only make it worse. I’m as worried about Maddie as he is, but pushing her only makes her pull away even more.”

Eddie sighed. “We were interrupted by Dr. Klein yesterday when this came up, but you are not the one who needs to apologize, Buck. You aren’t the one who made a mistake here. As you pointed out yourself yesterday, what would it have changed if you had broken your promise to Maddie and told Chimney she had called you?”

“Nothing,” Buck muttered.

Despite talking with Maddie he hadn’t known anything more about the situation than Chimney did. He still probably knew less than Chimney, since Chimney hadn’t talked about anything that had been going on with Maddie in the last couple of months when Buck had barely seen her because she had canceled nearly all their agreed-upon meetings, stating she was too exhausted from taking care of Jee-Yun.

“Exactly!” Eddie said forcefully. “Chimney’s reaction was completely out of line. And a crime.”

Buck snorted, regretting it the moment he did when it only aggravated his headache. “Come on, that’s an exaggeration.”

“You have a concussion and a broken bone, Buck,” Eddie hissed. “That’s not something that should be waved away. I didn’t tell Bobby why you’re on medical leave, by the way. I thought that should come from you.”

Buck shrugged and decided not to start a discussion about this. He was already annoyed by the kind of questions Dr. Klein and two different nurses had asked him about the origin of his injury. He hadn’t lied to them, but he had also tried to make sure they understood that this whole thing was an honest mistake. He didn’t want to repeat that discussion with Eddie, of all people. Chimney wasn’t a violent man—Buck knew he wouldn’t lash out this way normally.

“Taylor is bringing breakfast for all of you,” Eddie said after a long silence. “And be prepared for Chris to ask you to stay the night. He was very worried when I told him you spent the night in the hospital.”

Buck frowned. “What did you tell him?”

“Just that you had an argument with someone and were hurt. I needed to prepare him for your black eye, though I wasn’t expecting it to be quite this bad.”

“Had worse in the past,” Buck muttered. “Never a broken bone, though, as far as I know.”

“Really?” Eddie sounded irritated.

Buck shrugged. “If Taylor hadn’t insisted I go to the ER I’d have just stayed home and put ice on it. I mean, they didn’t do more than that overnight either.”

He didn’t know why Eddie seemed to be so angry and he didn’t know how to deal with it, especially when the throbbing in his head was trying to kill him. Maybe he hadn’t had worse in the past, at least not concerning the non-visible parts of his injuries, but he wouldn’t take his statement back.

“I would be glad if you stayed with us for a couple of days,” Eddie said after another long pause. “I can take care of you the next three days after today, and today Pepa is there to keep an eye on you. I don’t like how you’re reacting to the light. Maybe your concussion is worse than they thought at the hospital.”

“That sounds good,” Buck smiled.

He hadn’t been keen on spending his days alone in his apartment, and he knew Taylor had something big going on at work. Buck had planned to spend the next couple of days with Eddie and Chris anyway, now that their schedule was finally returning to normal. As much as he appreciated the effort of the fire department to give all of them a little more downtime after five days of non-stop working, instead of one shift going into their four days off while the others had to keep working the regular schedule, it had all felt quite chaotic.

When Eddie stopped the car and shut off the engine, Buck opened his eyes carefully. “We can’t be at your house already.”

“I think you took a short nap or two in between our conversations without even noticing,” Eddie chuckled. “Chris knows to take it easy on you today, but don’t hesitate to remind him of that if it gets to be too much, okay?”

Buck grinned. “We both know I won’t have to remind him. He was super careful with you while your shoulder healed.”

Eddie sighed. “Careful, and adorable, but most of all worried. I’m not so sure there won’t be a meltdown about that whole thing soon. But yes, if I didn’t trust Chris to be careful with you, I wouldn’t have suggested you spend the day with him.”

“If there is anything I can do to help with Chris…”

“I know,” Eddie interrupted him, laughing. “Right now the best thing to help Chris is to show him that you are mostly alright. And I can’t stay because Bobby only gave me an hour. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Be safe,” Buck said with a frown. “I really don’t like not being there to have your back.”

He left the car and Eddie drove away before Buck had reached the house. Taylor was already there, and breakfast for all four of them was waiting on the table. Pepa greeted him with a worried frown and a hug, and Christopher took a long time to inspect Buck’s black eye, asking repeatedly if Buck was sure that he was okay.

After breakfast, Buck found himself sitting in the living room with Taylor while Pepa took Christopher on a short run to the grocery store. Buck watched Taylor with raised brows after the door had closed behind Pepa and Christopher. “Okay, what’s up?”

Taylor sighed. “Yeah, Pepa wasn’t subtle at all, huh? I wanted to ask you something, and I didn’t think Chris should be here in case we started to argue. But I also didn’t want to wait until tomorrow.”

“That sounds ominous.”

“I’d like for you to go to the police with me and report Chimney’s attack,” Taylor said. “Because that’s what it was, Buck. He came into your home, berated you, and then punched you when he didn’t like what you had to say. And no amount of desperation is an excuse for that.”

Buck shook his head. There was a hard knot forming in his stomach and he didn’t know where it was coming from. “That’s nonsense. Why should the police be interested in a little argument between two friends?”

“It’s called aggravated battery,” Taylor said resolutely. “And Chimney needs to face the consequences of his actions. I’ll go to the police and report it anyway. I did a little bit of research last night, and the police will investigate even just with my statement and without your cooperation. I can’t let this slide, but I would prefer if we did this together.”

“Don’t do this,” Buck whispered, shocked by her threat. “Please. Chimney and I will clear this up between us, there doesn’t need to be anyone else involved.”

Taylor shook her head. “I won’t sit back after witnessing a crime, Buck. And that is what happened yesterday. I can’t not act on it. That’s not who I am.”

“Chimney didn’t mean to punch me and you know it,” Buck said, shaking his head carefully. He didn’t want to have anyone else involved in this—it was already bad enough that Taylor and Eddie were this involved in his dispute with Chimney and so angry at him. “If you go to the police, all of this will be blown way out of proportion. Chimney has had two horrible weeks, working for five days nonstop, and then stumbling into this mess Maddie left behind.”

“A mess he is partly responsible for,” Taylor said.

“We all make mistakes sometimes!”

“And we all have to live with the consequences of our mistakes.”

Buck frowned, remembering what Eddie had said in the car earlier. “Did you talk about this with Eddie?”

Taylor blew out a breath. “A little. He’s the reason I’m talking with you first before going to the police. He warned me that this could ruin my relationship with you, which I knew already, but … Yeah, he made me talk to you.”

“But he didn’t try to talk you out of it,” Buck stated darkly. Eddie should have fought her on this, it was such a big overreaction. Eddie especially should see that Chimney wasn’t fully responsible for the situation he was in right now.

Taylor laughed dryly. “Oh, Buck, neither you nor Eddie could talk me out of this decision. I will go to the police and report Chimney.”

“Why?” Buck shook his head. “Why is it so important in your mind to have the police get involved instead of letting me and Chimney clear this up privately?”

“Because it’s important that people face the consequences of their actions,” Taylor said quietly, her chin raised. “It’s important that the truth is out there for everyone to know. I can’t stand it when the truth is muddled up as time goes by and evidence goes missing. It’s terrible when so much time has gone by that there is no way to discover what really happened anymore—when there are different stories or speculations about an event, and there’s no way for you to find out what the truth was. And I know the police make mistakes, that law enforcement is far from perfect, but it’s the first threshold for the truth. And if they fail, my colleagues and I are there to try to dig out the truth. Or that’s at least what I would like to have my job be about.”

Buck stared at her open-mouthed. He knew she was passionate about her job, but he had never seen this kind of conviction and determination in her before; he had never known that there was this strange thirst and understanding of truth in her. “But we all know the truth of what happened here, there is no reason for an investigation.”

Taylor smiled sadly and took his hand. “You aren’t this naïve, Buck. I know you aren’t.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Taylor sighed. “There is always an objective truth and then several subjective truths to everything, and additionally those subjective truths can change. I can tell you without having spoken to him that Chimney’s truth about your encounter yesterday won’t even feature him punching you, and mostly concentrate on your supposed betrayal of him. And your truth seems to be that Chimney breaking a bone in your face is no big deal and excusable. The objective truth is that Chimney threw a punch at you unprovoked and you came out of it with severe head trauma.”

Buck sucked in a breath. “And your truth?”

“That I saw my friend being abused and he is trying to defend his attacker,” Taylor shrugged. She raised her hand and cupped his right cheek, gently rubbing her thumb over the spot right under his eye where he had been hit. “I can’t let this go. I’ll go to the police and report this. And I’ll give you a little bit of time to report Chimney to the fire department yourself, but I will eventually inform them as well.”

“That could ruin Chimney’s carrier,” Buck murmured shocked.

“And the fact that you are aware of that shows me that somewhere deep down you know there is no excuse for his behavior,” Taylor said. “I’m glad about that. I hope that will be enough that someday you’ll forgive me.”

“Please don’t,” Buck whispered desperately. All of this was too much, was an overreaction on a scale he didn’t know how to handle. He needed time to sort this out with Chimney, not to get even more people involved in it.

“If you are so convinced that Chimney’s circumstances make his behavior excusable others will agree with you and he’ll get a second chance,” Taylor said. “I don’t agree with that, but I’m hardly looking at this with any kind of objectivity, so maybe I’m judging too harshly because I’m worried about you. He could have easily harmed you a lot more than he did. And you would still have ignored it if I hadn’t been there.”

Buck turned away, pulling his hand out of hers and leaning away from the hand caressing his face. He felt cold and there was a pressure on his chest making it difficult to breathe. “There’s nothing I can do to stop you, is there?”

“No,” Taylor agreed. “As soon as Pepa and Chris come back, I’m heading straight to the police station from here.”

“Why talk to me about it then if there’s nothing I can say to change your mind?” Buck rubbed his hands over his thighs as he fought against the urge to jump up off the couch. He wanted to move, wanted to get rid of the nervous energy that was threatening to burst out of him, wanted to put more space between them, but he knew his head wouldn’t agree with that kind of movement.

Buck hated how foggy his head still felt. He needed to find some argument that would convince Taylor to abort this plan of hers, but he wasn’t able to think. He knew there had to be something he could say to keep her back, but he couldn’t find it. He just knew this wasn’t the right choice, that this would only make the whole situation worse.

Taylor sighed and scooted over to him, wrapping one arm around his back and leaning her head against his shoulder. “To not take this decision completely out of your hands. I would have done that if Eddie hadn’t intervened. It would have been unfair, but I knew all along you wouldn’t want to go to the police, so I had planned to not talk to you at all.”

“It’s a mistake,” Buck said through gritted teeth.

“It’s not,” Taylor insisted quietly. “And hopefully at some point in the future you’ll see that as well.”

“Chimney doesn’t deserve this kind of trouble coming his way, Tay!” Buck insisted, pulling himself out of her embrace and turning to her again. “He needs to concentrate on his child and eventually Maddie, he doesn’t need to deal with the police right now.”

“He should have thought about that before trying to punish you for his misplaced anger,” Taylor said, her face set in a stubborn mask. “Have you thought about Maddie in all of this? What does it mean for her and her mental health that the father of her child hit her brother?”

Buck closed his eyes and swallowed. He had tried very hard for the whole night not to think about Maddie at all. She would be so disappointed in him that he had in the end broken his promise to her, and he had no idea how she would react to Chimney’s actions. Buck didn’t know which response would be more horrible for him, if she excused Chimney’s behavior outright, or if it created an association in her mind between Chimney and Doug that Chimney just didn’t deserve.

“That’s a no then, huh?” Taylor whispered.

“I’ll cross that bridge when Maddie is back,” Buck sighed. “But it won’t help her at all if she comes back and finds Chimney having to deal with the police.”

Taylor shook her head. “I don’t agree. Because what will Maddie think is the truth? Chimney’s report about it? Yours? Whomever she speaks to first? Or will she doubt both of you, not knowing what to believe? I think it’s especially important for Maddie that all the cards are on the table when she returns so that she can draw her own conclusions without being influenced by you, or Chimney, or even me. Because she doesn’t need that kind of doubt in her life, Buck!”

***

Taylor stopped at the reception right inside the police station. She was still reeling from her conversation with Buck, even though it hadn’t been quite as bad as she had expected. Her delivery of breakfast to the Diaz house had been her way of trying to smooth the whole conversation, to make him remember the friendship they had built before bringing up an argument, but she wasn’t sure it had done any good. In retrospect she doubted if following Eddie’s advice had done anything good, but she couldn’t take it back now.

Even though the expected argument had never come up, it had gutted Taylor to hear Buck plead with her not to go to the police. She knew more intimately than most how flawed their judicial system was, but she still thought it would always be the right step to let the system work first. If it didn’t lead to anything she could always do her own work and put together her own report, and she had spent several hours yesterday night getting out the files she had created for the crew of the 118 when she had first met them, only to never get a chance to use most of it. In the end, Buck had sent her away, resigned and downtrodden. It hurt, but that wouldn’t move Taylor from her decision.

Before she could say anything to the officer sitting behind the desk, someone stepped toward her from the side. “Ms. Kelly. This is a surprise, seeing you here.”

“Sergeant Grant.” Taylor turned to her with a careful smile. “I’m here to report a crime I witnessed yesterday.”

Grant raised her brows. “Okay. If you would follow me…”

“No,” Taylor interrupted her. “I don’t think you are the right person to take this report. Both of the parties involved are your friends and work with your husband.”

Grant froze. “Is Buck alright?”

Taylor shrugged, relieved by her immediate reaction. For some reason she had feared for a moment Grant would jump to the conclusion that Buck was the perpetrator. “Not good, but I guess it could be worse. He spent the night in the hospital and is at Eddie’s place now, getting taken care of by Chris and Eddie’s aunt. But I really don’t want to make this report to you.”

Grant nodded. “I understand. Do you mind if I listen in, though?”

“I guess if I say no, you’ll just look up the report later anyway,” Taylor said with raised brows but followed Grant when she gestured her to do so. “I don’t care as long as your name isn’t attached to the investigation. I know you like to ignore that, but there is a reason you shouldn’t be involved in cases you have any kind of personal connection to.”

Grant glared at her but didn’t comment. The silence between them was icy the rest of their way through the police station, but Taylor didn’t care. They eventually stopped at a desk and Grant introduced the man sitting behind it as Detective Romero. Taylor greeted him with a smile and sat down on the chair she was directed to. Grant stepped behind the desk but kept standing there with her arms crossed over her chest.

“What can I do for you, Ms. Kelly?” Romero asked.

“Yesterday I witnessed my boyfriend get punched in the face by a supposed friend of his,” Taylor said. “I even have a video of it because I didn’t trust said friend to be civilized when he stormed into the apartment, so caught up in his outrage that he didn’t even notice I was there. My boyfriend spent the night at the hospital because of a concussion. He isn’t happy that I’m here, but as far as I know, this kind of thing can be investigated without the victim’s cooperation if there is another witness.”

Romero sighed. “Yes. Let’s start from the beginning and with a little more detail. Do you mind if I record this conversation?”

Taylor nodded. “Sure, no problem.”

Romero smiled and set up a recording device, listing the date, time, and who was part of the conversation, before he asked, “Who is your boyfriend, who is the friend, and what exactly happened? I’ll take a look at that video once we have your statement written down.”

“Evan Buckley is my boyfriend, and Howard Han, called Chimney, is the one who threw the punch,” Taylor said.

Romero raised his brows and turned to Grant for a moment. “Aren’t both of them part of your husband’s crew?”

Grant nodded, face grim, and Taylor said, “That’s why I didn’t want to give this report to her.”

Romero nodded and sent her a lopsided grin. “Alright, let’s start at the beginning then. When, where, what exactly happened?”

Taylor tried to concentrate on Romero while she gave as detailed a report as she could. The whole encounter had been pretty short, but she felt she needed to give a little bit of background information, so she began with Maddie leaving and how both Buck and Chimney had reacted to that. Grant shifted her stance several times, and her hands were tightly fisted at the end of Taylor’s monologue.

“And you filmed the whole encounter yesterday?” Ramero asked. “Why?”

Taylor shrugged. “Professional instinct? And I missed Chimney’s entrance, but that’s just a sentence or two right when he stormed in as if it was his apartment instead of Buck’s. I’m … not a fan of Chimney, and I knew from Buck that his anger and desperation had been rising the whole week. And as I said, he was so focused on whatever was going on in his head that he never even noticed me, and I was standing right at the top of the stairs, not hidden at all. Where I stood, I was right in the line of his sight, but I guess he was only able to register Buck and the lack of reaction he accused him of.”

Romero nodded slowly while taking some more notes. “Do you know what kind of injuries the hospital diagnosed?”

“A fracture in the zygomatic bone and a concussion, and the black eye Buck had today was pretty ugly,” Taylor said. “The staff at the hospital asked Buck if they should call the police, but he declined. They didn’t let me stay the whole time, but as far as I could see they did document it as a possible crime. And I think the only reason Buck and I didn’t have a major argument about it this morning was that he was still suffering from a headache.”

“You talked with Mr. Buckley about coming here?” Romero asked, looking up from his notes and raising his brows.

“I knew he wouldn’t agree to come with me,” Taylor shrugged. “But I wanted to give him the chance to choose for himself. I’m not so sure he’ll forgive me anytime soon. He said he didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. And that he and Chimney should deal with it on their own.”

Romero nodded. “Not a surprising reaction. Why did you report this attack? And for the record, I think you made the right choice.”

Taylor sighed. There was no reason for her to bare her soul as much as she had done with Buck earlier, or to give them even a glimpse into the inner workings of her mind. “That kind of punch and injury isn’t a trivial thing. Even if Buck seems to think it’s excusable because it was a member of his family who did this to him or some such bullshit. Or because they are both men and too much of society still thinks that’s acceptable behavior between men. With the injury Buck received, that’s aggravated battery. And probably even domestic violence.”

“Not here in California,” Romero said, shaking his head.

Taylor frowned. “Chimney came into Buck’s home, and he is part of his family.”

“But they aren’t romantic partners,” Romero said. “Or, so I assume? And neither are they living together. The law in California doesn’t categorize this as domestic violence.”

“They were roommates for months at the beginning of the pandemic. And Chimney still has his own key to Buck’s apartment.”

Romero shook his head again. “That doesn’t matter.”

“That’s bullshit,” Taylor muttered unhappily. She looked up at Grant. “You know, maybe it’s not bad I ran into you. Maybe Buck needs someone other than Eddie and me to tell him that Chimney crossed a line. I don’t think he will get there on his own.”

Grant nodded, but Romero interjected, “We’ll see who will handle Mr. Buckley’s interview. I would like to see the video you mentioned earlier, and of course to have a copy of it.”

Taylor pulled out her phone. “I could email it to you ?”

Romero nodded and a couple of minutes later started the video on his computer. Taylor watched him and Grant while their gazes were fixed on the screen. Romero managed to keep all reactions behind a carefully neutral mask, but Grant’s face got grimmer with each passing second. Taylor remembered the open anger she had seen in Eddie when he had watched this video and how she had feared losing her phone to that anger for a moment. Even though Grant’s reaction was much more controlled, it was still very similar.

“Judging from the angle you recorded this, I’m surprised Mr. Han didn’t see you,” Romero said while shaking his head.

“Right?” Taylor huffed. “No situational awareness at all.”

“It speaks to the state of his mind,” Grant muttered darkly. “Has Maddie been reported missing?”

“I have no idea,” Taylor said, surprised by the question. “I’m pretty sure Buck didn’t file a missing person’s report, but Chimney could have, I guess.”

“Does Mr. Buckley know where his sister is?” Romero asked.

Taylor shook her head. “No, definitely not. He is as worried about her as Chimney, if not more. We … we have suspected for some time that she has been struggling with PPD, but neither she nor Chimney have confirmed it, not even now. The most Chimney has admitted is that Maddie wasn’t in her right mind, but he didn’t even tell Buck if Maddie had been seeing a therapist recently.”

“Do you know of any contact between Mr. Buckley and Mr. Han since last night? Mr. Han stated he wants to go searching for his girlfriend. Could he already have left town?”

“I really have no idea,” Taylor shrugged. “I’d assume he’d need to find someone to look after his daughter first, but I don’t know how much time that would take him.”

Romero nodded. “Do you have anything else you think you need to add?”

Taylor shook her head. “I’ll send you an email or call if I think of anything else, if that’s okay?”

“Yes, of course.” Romero smiled apprehensively. “I guess I can’t convince you to delete your own copy of the video?”

Taylor raised her brows and leaned back, crossing her legs at her knees. “No. But I promise you that I will only do my job on this if I have a feeling it will be swept under the rug. That happened once already for Chimney’s sake, and I really don’t think he deserves another chance.”

Chapter 03

Buck ruffled Christopher’s hair with one hand. “Are you sure you want to spend your whole Sunday hanging out here on the couch with me?”

Pepa and Christopher had returned from their little pretend grocery run not long after Buck had asked Taylor to leave, and since then Christopher had barely left Buck’s side. It had been a lot easier to deal with Christopher’s worry concerning Eddie than it was to deal with the worry aimed at him.

Christopher grinned up at him. “Yep.”

“I’m sure Pepa wouldn’t mind taking you to the playground if you want to meet some friends,” Buck said. “I don’t mind staying here alone for a couple of hours.”

“No.” Christopher shook his head and frowned. “But I can go and play in my room for a while if you need a nap?”

“You did notice that I took a short nap earlier when you were playing video games, right?” Buck asked amused.

They had started to play Mario Kart together, only for Buck to recognize that that was a really bad idea before he had even finished the first round of the first race. He had let Christopher play alone, cheering him on at first, but he had soon needed to close his eyes because he hadn’t been able to follow the events on the screen without aggravating his headache, and it hadn’t taken long for him to fall asleep. Christopher had still been playing, the volume of his game nearly completely turned down, when he had woken up again a little more than an hour later.

“I don’t want to leave you alone,” Christopher said. “I have a puzzle I never did before because it’s pretty big and I don’t know if I can do it all alone. We could start it together? Dad said you’ll be here at least until Wednesday, maybe we’ll even be able to finish it by then.”

Buck smiled sadly. “Sounds good. But you know you don’t need to be this worried about me, right? This isn’t really a big injury, and the headache will hopefully be gone in a couple of days. It’s already a lot better than it was this morning.”

Christopher bit his lip and raised his hand, trailing his fingertips very carefully along Buck’s cheek. “Someone hurt you. I don’t like that.”

“It was an accident…”

Christopher shook his head violently. “It wasn’t! Dad said someone hit you, but he didn’t want to say who. No one is allowed to hit you! Is it someone we know and that’s why Dad didn’t say who?”

“Chris…,” Buck murmured startled. “I … I had an argument with someone, and they were very angry at me and many other things. I’m convinced … I know they didn’t want to hurt me, okay? And my face looks much worse than it really is. I’ll be completely fine in no time.”

“Being angry isn’t a reason to hurt anyone,” Christopher said darkly. “That’s what you told me!”

Buck chuckled. He was sure Eddie and Shannon both had explained that to Christopher several times during his life, but the situation when he’d had that conversation with Christopher had only been a couple of months ago when he had been living here after Eddie had been shot. The sniper had been discussed in the news even weeks after the whole situation had long been over, and one of the boys in Christopher’s class had been very insensitive with the things he had said to Christopher. One day Buck had gotten Christopher from school, and he had contemplated the whole way home letting that other boy trip over his crutches in retaliation.

“And I don’t believe you that this isn’t so bad,” Christopher continued. “Dad is really worried about you. I heard him talking to Tía Pepa.”

Buck smiled and leaned down to kiss Christopher’s forehead. “Your Dad and I tend to be super worried about each other, even if it’s not warranted. The doctors wouldn’t have let me leave the hospital if I were badly hurt, don’t you think?”

Christopher huffed. “Yeah. You haven’t told me who hurt you, either.”

“And why is that important?” Buck asked.

“We need to protect you from them,” Christopher said, frowning again. “’Specially if it was someone we thought was a friend. And I think it is, because you haven’t told me who!”

Buck sighed. “It’s not your job to protect me, sweetheart. It’s also not your job to protect your dad. It’s actually the other way around, alright? We are here to protect you. And of course, we have each other’s backs. But this is nothing you need to worry about.”

Christopher crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t like this. They shouldn’t have hurt you. And you shouldn’t protect them now. Dad and you tell me all the time I have to tell you if someone is making me feel uncomfortable or hurting me.”

“But I’m not keeping this to myself, am I?” Buck said and pulled Christopher into a loose hug. “I’ve told Eddie what happened, and Taylor was there herself, so she knew all along what happened. And I told the doctor who saw me last night what happened. I’m not keeping it to myself. I’m just not telling you, because it’s really not something you need to worry about.”

Additionally, Eddie seemed to have made the decision not to tell his son that Chimney had been the one to injure Buck, and Buck always tried to never step over the lines that Eddie drew as a parent. He was glad that Eddie hadn’t told Christopher exactly what had happened to him the previous evening because he didn’t want to ruin the fun Christopher regularly had with Chimney during parties with the team. Buck hoped that eventually Chimney and he would overcome the dispute that had arisen with Maddie leaving, and he didn’t want this to affect anyone else.

Christopher huffed and wrapped his arms around Buck’s waist. “I don’t like when you or Dad are hurt.”

“Of course not,” Buck murmured. “No one likes it when the people we love are hurt.”

“Was it one of the other firefighters?” Christopher asked.

Buck sighed. “Chris.”

“I don’t want to spend time with someone who hurt you,” Christopher muttered. “So, I need to know who did it to avoid them.”

Buck chuckled and rubbed a hand over Christopher’s back. “Sometimes people hurt each other, but they also make up again. And I fully intend to make up with this person as soon as they stop being angry at me. We can’t always control our emotions, that’s just part of being human. And I made mistakes in that situation yesterday as well…”

Christopher pushed his hands against Buck’s chest until they were far enough apart that he could glare up at him. “It’s not your fault when someone else hurts you!”

“That’s not what I said,” Buck murmured flabbergasted. He hadn’t meant to say it, but he could see how Christopher could interpret his words that way.

“Yes, it is!” Christopher shook his head. “It doesn’t matter what you said to them, they had no right to hurt you!”

“I know,” Buck said lowly. “And that’s really not what I meant.”

“But you keep finding excuses for them!” Christopher accused him with an unhappy frown and tears in his eyes.

Buck sucked in a breath. “I do, don’t I?”

Christopher bit his lip. “Daddy was hurt, and now you’re hurt. What if next time you or Daddy don’t come out of the hospital again?” His voice was quivering and at the end the tears started to run down his face.

Buck closed his eyes, swallowing against the lump in his throat. “But we are both here.” He raised his hand and brushed the tears from Christopher’s face. “We aren’t going anywhere if we can help it, okay?”

Christopher sniffed and shrugged.

“Maybe we should stop talking about this and start on your puzzle,” Buck said, not sure how to handle this situation. “You’re right, I shouldn’t try to excuse what happened yesterday. That punch should have never happened. But … that still doesn’t mean I can’t try to mend fences with … that person. I did shitty things in the past as well and they still gave me another chance.”

“Did you ever injure them?” Christopher asked. “Or hurt them?”

Buck sighed. “Not physically.”

Christopher huffed and crossed his arms over his chest.

Buck put his hands on Christopher’s shoulders and looked at him earnestly. “I appreciate your worry about me very much. And I’ll let you take care of me and hover over me as much as you want, but it’s not your burden to deal with the events that led to me being injured. Not as long as you are this young. Didn’t we have a very similar discussion earlier in the year after your dad was injured?”

“I’m not a baby anymore,” Christopher muttered with his head hanging down.

“No, you’re not,” Buck agreed readily. “But you are also not an adult yet. You still have a couple of years left where you can just lean back and let your dad, the rest of your family, or me worry about the things that adults need to take care of. And this is one of those things. Dealing with some of these things can be overwhelming to an adult on a good day, which is the reason why we have friends and family to help us deal with it. When Eddie was hurt, he and I dealt with everything that had to do with his recovery, and you were there to cuddle with him and make him laugh. That arrangement turned out pretty well, don’t you think?”

Christopher sighed heavily. “Yeah, I guess.”

“And we’ll do the same now. This time it’s your dad who is taking care of me, and making sure I’m following my doctor’s orders, and I’ll try to not make his life too difficult with that, and it’s your task again to cuddle with either of us until we feel better and distract us as much as possible. You need to distract me especially, because I’m not allowed to go back to work for two whole weeks. I don’t know what to do with all that time!”

Christopher bit his lip when he peered up again, but he was barely able to hide his grin. “You worked sooo much during the blackout. I wish Dad had so much time off as well.”

Buck chuckled. “He has the next three days off, that will have to do. I think you promised me a puzzle. You sure Eddie will be okay if we occupy the coffee table for days on end?”

“Yep,” Christopher nodded, grinning. “He’ll just have to deal. He bought me the puzzle.”

Buck leaned back on the couch and exhaled slowly as Christopher left him to get the puzzle. He had no idea if he had handled that well. He didn’t have much time to ponder it though, as Christopher returned soon enough with his puzzle and they started to sort through the pieces to find all the edges.

Christopher didn’t bring up his worry again, and Buck thought he did make an effort to change his focus from hovering around Buck to distracting him and making him laugh. It didn’t stop him from pausing with a frown every time Buck didn’t manage to hide his wince when he moved his head in a way that didn’t agree with the annoyingly persistent headache, but he didn’t linger on it as he had done before.

When the evening came and Christopher was finally in bed, Buck felt more exhausted than he had ever before after a day spent with Christopher—baring the cursed day of the tsunami. Thankfully, Pepa took over bedtime duty and Buck could just lay back on the couch after Christopher had given him one last hug for the day.

“I’m always impressed how good you are with him when I have the privilege of witnessing it. Especially when he turns around and makes a pretty good impression of being an adult in a child’s body and thinks he needs to take care of the people around him.”

Buck startled out of the light slumber he had fallen into, but he didn’t open his eyes. “People are always telling me that. Why do I never feel that myself?”

Pepa chuckled. “Because the fear of disappointing the people you love makes it really hard to judge yourself. Do you need anything?”

Buck opened his eyes and turned his head until he found her sitting in the armchair. “No, I’m good. Just a lot more exhausted than I’m used to. I really hope this damn headache will be gone tomorrow.”

“Eddie said you had a broken bone,” Pepa said softly.

“The doctor said it’s a hairline fracture, and that there is no intervention needed right now.” Buck shrugged. “Can’t be that bad then, right? I just need to wait for it to get better. I’m sorry you had to change your plans today because of me.”

“I’m not. You are family, Buck. Of course we take care of you when you are hurt,” Pepa chastised him. “Just like you took care of Eddie when he was hurt. You really shouldn’t have spent the day alone at home. I was happy to let Chris fuss over you. The day was a lot more relaxing for me this way.”

“Being your nephew’s friend doesn’t automatically mean you have to even so much as tolerate me,” Buck muttered.

Pepa laughed. “But you are more than just Eddie’s friend, aren’t you? You are the one who is his emergency contact and who holds his power of attorney. You are also the one he wants to take care of his son in case he isn’t able to do that anymore for whatever reason. But even if all of that wasn’t true, I do like you very much just for yourself.”

“You know about the will?”

“Eddie told Mamá and me a week after you brought him home from the hospital,” Pepa said quietly.

Buck blew out a breath and closed his eyes again. “He told me the day he left the hospital, right there in his hospital room. I still don’t know what to think about it. Eddie made that decision more than a year ago, and then he just sat on it? What if…”

“What if you had only learned about it because Eddie had died?” Pepa asked.

Buck shuddered. He still hadn’t been able to deal with what had happened five months ago, despite talking endlessly about it with Dr. Copeland. The renewed worry about Eddie since learning about his panic attacks had only made it worse again. He wanted to talk about it with Eddie, but between the blackout, Eddie avoiding that topic, and Maddie leaving, there hadn’t been a chance for it yet.

“You’d have done what you already did,” Pepa continued. “You took care of Chris, and you didn’t think twice about it. What Eddie and you need to do is learn to communicate better, maybe especially about those things you are on the same page about.”

Buck huffed. “If you haven’t noticed yet, Eddie isn’t exactly someone who has an easy time talking about anything important to himself.”

Pepa laughed. “And you are any different? It’s something you both need to work on, and you both need to make an effort about it. But I agree with you, Eddie should have told you and ideally also Mamá and me that you would become Christopher’s guardian in an emergency situation. If only so that we all could be prepared to deal with my brother and sister-in-law.”

“Let’s just hope we’ll never get into that situation.”

“Agreed. I thought I should change the sheets on the bed for you and take the couch myself tonight.”

“No.” Buck looked at her with a frown. “This couch is pretty comfy to sleep on, and I’ve already become very acquainted with it this year. I’m not taking the bed from you.”

“If you take the bed, I can maybe convince Chris to let you sleep in the morning,” Pepa argued.

Buck raised his brows. “You wouldn’t. And I wouldn’t want you to. I need to hug him goodbye before you take him to school. It’s tradition and all, you know, if I spend the night but don’t bring him to school. There has to be a hug right there next to the door. Has been this way since the very first time I stayed overnight.”

That first time he had spent the night at the Diaz house had been because he’d had one beer too many to drive home to his own bed—which had at that point been the air mattress in Maddie’s brand-new apartment—by himself. The second time had been because the police hadn’t released Maddie’s apartment for three days after her abduction. Since then, there had always been several sets of change of clothes for Buck in Eddie’s wardrobe, and they had become useful very regularly.

“Okay,” Pepa chuckled.

“And no, there won’t be any changes made to that because of a little headache!” Buck continued, just to make the point.

***

In the morning, Buck regretted those words, at least in some parts. His headache had been strongly reduced, but moving too fast still wasn’t a good idea, and he was very slow to shake off the sleep. Christopher, in contrast, was as always happy and much too energetic for the early morning hours. Buck wondered if he was imagining things, but he thought not for the first time that Christopher had become even more enthusiastic about his mornings since his school had gone back from online teaching to in-person teaching at the beginning of the school year.

Buck tried to console himself with the thought that he could go back to sleep as soon as Pepa and Christopher had left, even though he still let Christopher help him clean up the couch and put his bedding away. It was another tradition that had arisen between them in the days after Eddie had been shot, and Buck was reluctant to break these kinds of traditions with Christopher. He was sure Eddie would let him sleep, and probably lay down himself when he came home from his shift in a little while. Those hopes were shattered, though, when Athena arrived just after Christopher and Pepa had left.

“Oh, Buck,” Athena sighed in lieu of a greeting, eying up his face with a worried frown. She raised her hands but aborted that gesture halfway to his face. “This looks much worse than I had expected.”

“Always looks worst on the second and third day, right?” Buck tried to grin, but he knew it failed even without seeing Athena’s frown. “Are you here in an official capacity?”

“If I was working, I’d wear my uniform,” Athena said with a huff. “I’m here because I’m worried about you. Let’s sit down, okay? How are you feeling?”

“A lot better than yesterday,” Buck shrugged and let her push him to the couch. “Can I get you something to drink?”

Athena laughed. “No, thank you. Better than yesterday isn’t exactly saying much.”

“Headache is bearable, and I’m not so sensitive to light anymore,” Buck said. “Have some problems with eating because I can’t move my jaw as much as I’m used to. They warned me about it, but it only started yesterday afternoon, so I thought I had gotten around that.” He sat down and turned his head away from Athena. “So, I guess Taylor followed through on her threat and did go to the police.”

Athena sighed. “She reported Chimney’s attack on you yesterday, yes. And that is the reason why I’m here, but I’m here as your friend and because I’m worried about you, not because of my job.”

Buck shook his head. “I wish she hadn’t done that. It’s not … worth all this hassle. And I don’t see how Chimney and I can manage to get past this if strangers are snooping around in our business. I mean, nothing will come out of this investigation anyway, will there?”

“A battery is any willful and unlawful use of force or violence upon the person of another.”

Buck turned to Athena. “What?”

“Chimney committed battery yesterday, aggravated battery even. And we have proof of it, even without your cooperation. This investigation won’t just go away, Buck.”

“It wasn’t willful, though,” Buck said with raised brows. “He didn’t come to my apartment with the plan to hit me. He got angry and overly emotional—he didn’t plan any of it, it was just a spur of the moment thing.”

Athena sighed deeply. “You are deliberately misinterpreting those words, Buck. Willful doesn’t mean planned or not, it means that he made a decision, and the state of his emotions doesn’t play any role in it. He didn’t trip, flail around with his arms trying to regain his balance, and hit you. That would be a not willful action.”

Buck frowned and decided to ignore that argument to come back to something else Athena had said. “What evidence?”

Athena raised her brows. “You don’t know that Taylor recorded your whole encounter with Chimney? She readily handed over that video as evidence.”

“I…” Buck swallowed. “No, I didn’t know. But … I’m also not exactly surprised. I bitched a lot about Chimney to her this last week. With me venting all that anger, she was probably worried about his visit as soon as she heard his voice.”

“You’re angry with Chimney?” Athena asked surprised.

“Of course I am!” Buck huffed and jumped up, starting to pace around the room. “I’ve tried for two months to penetrate that bubble Chimney and Maddie created, because I knew something was going on. Of course I knew that, damn it!”

“What do you think has been going on?” Athena asked quietly.

Buck shrugged and ran his hands through his hair. “I think it’s PPD, but I have no proof. The few times Maddie did talk to me, she said taking care of a baby just took more energy than she had expected, but that she was fine overall. I … I offered support. I mean, that’s all I could do, right? I told her I’d be happy to take Jee for a couple of hours so that she could sleep or do something nice for herself. And I told them both repeatedly that no matter what they needed, I’d be there. I-I tried to make sure they knew they weren’t alone.”

“But they didn’t take you up on it.”

Buck shook his head, gritting his teeth and blinking away the furious tears burning in his eyes. “I asked Chimney about Maddie’s mental health. She’s been struggling ever since she came to LA, and I know she’s not … The way she reacted when she learned I was going to therapy was pretty telling, even if I hadn’t known how much she detested the therapy she went to after everything with Doug. I asked him if it had gotten worse again, if she was considering going back to therapy. And he got snappish and froze me out. He told me I was the one putting even more stress on Maddie by poking my nose in their business.”

Buck turned around to Athena who was sitting on the couch and watching him calmly. “And then, the whole last week after Maddie ran away, he kept going on and on telling me that I didn’t know what was going on, that Maddie hadn’t been feeling well for a while, but that I couldn’t possibly know what was going through her head right now because I had barely seen her after all, and that I should be way more worried about her than I was.”

He sucked in a breath and rubbed a hand over his arm. “I mean, what the fucking hell? Maddie has been freezing me out again for months, and instead of helping, Chimney isolated her even more than she did on her own! And now he turns around and says that no one can possibly understand?”

Athena cocked her head. “You think Chimney isolated Maddie?”

“He helped her hide, at least,” Buck spat. “And I understand now where this impulse of hers to hide it when she struggles with something comes from, but … that’s not the fucking solution and she’s had thirty years to understand that our parents’ methods are bullshit! And the last thing Chimney should have done was encourage it! But that’s all he always does with the women he dates, isn’t it? He plays into their fantasies of a perfect life, a perfect partner, supports their opinions regardless of what it costs him, and gets fucking lost in his own lies over all of that!”

Buck continued to pace through the room with long steps. “I really thought he had learned his lesson after Tatiana and his misguided proposal. I trusted him to treat my sister better! And look where it brought us! He shouldn’t have helped her hide—he should have made sure she got the therapy she needed! And he shouldn’t have left her alone for five fucking days knowing what she was struggling with! As if Bobby would have hesitated for a moment to let Chimney leave for a couple of hours so that he could arrange something, anything so that Maddie wouldn’t be alone with Jee for the whole length of the blackout.

“He can’t tell me the Lees wouldn’t have taken her in—or hell, I’m sure Michael and David would have been happy to host Maddie and Jee at your place, and there she would have had power, which would have made caring for a baby a lot easier. But no, asking for help would have destroyed whatever illusion Chimney lived in! Instead, Maddie had to destroy it herself by leaving, like Tatiana did by not agreeing to his proposal. But this time Chimney didn’t put himself in the hospital when his bubble burst, but instead drove my sister away!”

“That is a lot of pent-up anger,” Athena said softly. “Were you planning to put that punch just on top of all of that and swallow it down again?”

Buck inhaled deeply, feeling as if all his energy left him at once. He stumbled to the side and dropped down in the armchair. “I don’t even know where that came from.”

Athena hummed. “I think that has been brewing in you for a lot longer than just the week since Maddie left.”

Buck shook his head. “I’m not … I mean … I don’t hold grudges. I know I shouldn’t be this angry at Chimney. The situation isn’t easy for him either.”

“You are entitled to your emotions,” Athena said. “There is no reason to apologize for them or feel bad about them, as long as you aren’t harming anyone because of them.”

“Then Chimney is also entitled to his anger.”

“Yes,” Athena agreed. “But the difference is that he did harm you. And if I were to judge his actions, I’d assume by the force he put behind that punch alone that he intended every bit of the injury you received. There is no excuse for his behavior.”

Buck sucked in a breath and turned his head away, remembering Christopher’s words from the previous day. He had wondered on and off throughout the night if what Christopher had interpreted into his words was really in his own mind, and what that would mean.

“What?” Athena asked softly.

“Chris told me yesterday I needed to stop finding excuses for Chimney’s behavior,” Buck muttered.

“Chris knows what happened?”

Buck shook his head. “Not that it was Chimney. Eddie warned him about my black eye and explained to him that someone had hurt me. I don’t know why Eddie decided not to tell him about Chimney, but I’m thankful for that.”

Athena left the couch and sat down on the small table right in front of Buck. “Do you think Chris’ reaction would have been different if he had known that it was Chimney?”

“No,” Buck sighed. “But I do think he would have been even more worried about me. He’s had more than enough to worry about this year.”

“Agreed. But that won’t ever stop him from worrying about you and Eddie again.”

“What will happen now?”

Athena sighed. “Detective Romero will want to talk with Chimney, but he apparently left town yesterday morning. An arrest warrant was issued first thing this morning, but I hope we can somehow reach Chimney and convince him to come in for questioning himself. That could make it easier for him later. After that, we’ll see what happens. Romero wants to talk to you as well.”

Buck made a face. “Do I have any choice in that?”

Athena leaned forward and took his hands. “Of course you have a choice. But I worry about the reasons why you wouldn’t want to cooperate with this investigation.”

“If it weren’t for Taylor there wouldn’t even be an investigation.”

“Why?” Athena asked. “I can think of different reasons for your reluctance, and while some are more worrisome than others, I wouldn’t like any of them if they were influencing you. You were attacked, you have a right to see your attacker punished.”

Buck shrugged. He just knew he didn’t want all the hassle Taylor had created by going to the police, and that he would have preferred it if aside from Chimney and him no one would have ever known. That didn’t mean he was able to articulate the reasons for feeling that way, or that he even knew them.

Athena squeezed his hands. “The best would be, I guess, if you were wholeheartedly convinced that this was a mistake that Chimney will never repeat again. Or maybe you think this is something you should hash out on your own with Chimney because you are friends, or because you are both men. But judging by what you told me earlier, I fear you somehow think you’re to blame for this, which is not true, Buck. And it would also be a very alarming thought.”

Buck shrugged again, helplessly. “I don’t know.” He felt strangely exposed by the options Athena had put on the table, but the last thing he wanted to do was to think about that in more detail.

Chapter 04

Eddie couldn’t remember many shifts where he had been glad to finally finish not because their calls had been exhausting or too frequent, but rather because he was glad he could finally leave his colleagues behind. The 118 had a good crew, and Eddie had always enjoyed working with them, but that didn’t mean opinions between them couldn’t clash.

Bobby had been put out that Buck hadn’t called him personally to inform him about his medical leave, or even just to tell him how he was. Eddie knew that it was mostly worry that had soured Bobby’s mood during the whole shift, only added to by the work that was still piling up for him as the captain for their shift after the blackout, so it hadn’t been difficult to tolerate or ignore Bobby’s dark looks, nor had it been surprising that he had for once preferred to do his paperwork in his office instead of the loft.

Hen, on the other hand, had been unbearable for Eddie. Chimney seemed to have told her his own version of his so-called argument with Buck, and Eddie had to bite his tongue more than once. Hen was worried about Chimney—and she had been very vocal about that during the quiet hours of their shift—but Eddie hadn’t been in the mood to entertain that worry, so he had done his best to avoid her as much as possible, which had turned out to be very exhausting.

Eddie had been looking forward to coming home and having Buck there; he just wished it wasn’t because his friend was hurt. He hadn’t had a chance yet to deal with his own anger aimed at Chimney, but he would have three days to get a handle on that before he needed to face anyone’s worry about Chimney again.

Eddie stopped in the open door when he saw Athena sitting by Buck, who looked pensive and not entirely comfortable with his shoulders hunched forward and his head slightly turned away. After a moment, Eddie closed the door with a sigh. “Good morning.”

Athena turned to him with a small, sad smile, visibly holding onto Buck’s hands even as he tried to pull them away. “Good morning, Eddie.”

“Are you here officially or as a friend?” Eddie asked skeptically.

To his surprise, Athena laughed and Buck bit his lip to hide his grin. “Am I wearing my uniform?”

Eddie raised his brows and sat down on the couch. “So, as a friend, then.”

“I asked the same thing earlier,” Buck explained before all amusement vanished from his face. “Taylor went to the police yesterday, but I guess you already know that.”

“That was fast,” Eddie frowned. “I’d have thought she would give you some time to make a decision.”

Buck huffed. “No.”

Eddie eyed Buck for a moment. He suspected there would be an argument about this later when Athena had left, and for a moment he contemplated bringing that up right away because he knew Athena would agree with him on it. Instead, he asked, “Is this your case?”

Athena shook her head. “Even if I weren’t on desk duty, this would have always been something a Detective would take care of.”

“Desk duty?” Buck asked surprised. “Why are you on desk duty?”

“I killed a suspect a week ago,” Athena said with raised brows. “Jeffrey might have been a sick bastard, and he left plenty of evidence behind on his little … revenge trip, but procedure still has to be followed. It will take some time to process the case and go through all the procedures following a shooting on duty.”

“Why the hell are you calling that bastard by his given name?” Buck asked louder than necessary, but Eddie nodded in agreement with a deep frown.

Athena leaned back, clearly confused. “I don’t think I understand your question.”

“Calling him Jeffrey implies a familiarity I wouldn’t have thought you would associate with him,” Buck said agitatedly, and now it was him who was holding onto Athena’s hands when she tried to pull away. “He was a psychopath who unfortunately thought he needed to get back at you. In your place, I’d want to distance myself as much as possible from him, and that would start with not calling him by his given name. And I remember that you called him Hudson when we were on our way to free Harry.”

Athena sucked in a breath. “I don’t know when that changed. I…” She closed her eyes. “No, that’s not true. Harry calls him Jeffrey, and I…” She trailed off with a shudder.

“How is Harry dealing with the kidnapping?” Eddie asked softly.

“Silently.” Athena shook her head. “He isn’t talking to me; he hasn’t been home since then. And … I can’t say how much that is his own reluctance about the house, and how much of that is my … feelings about having him back in the place where he was kidnapped. Jeffrey … Hudson was everywhere in that house.”

“You’ll get through this,” Buck said. “You have a strong family, you have proven that time and time again.”

Athena closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “That’s not why I came here. I’m here for you, Buck…”

“Which doesn’t mean we can’t talk about your worries as well,” Eddie interrupted her softly. “We are here for you as much as we are here for Buck. And we would have been there for Chimney as well if he had chosen to reach out instead of lashing out. If there is anything we can do for you, or Bobby, or anyone else in your family, we are here.”

“I know,” Athena smiled. “But there isn’t much anyone can do right now. We have found a therapist for Harry, but it’s just been a week. It will take time to work through this, for all of us. And you are right, maybe I should make an effort to only call him Hudson. Maybe that will help to not let him get into my head.”

Eddie nodded. “I know from Hen that Chimney left yesterday to search for Maddie. What does that mean concerning the investigation?”

“That he’ll be arrested if he ends up in any kind of police control,” Athena said. “I tried to call him to tell him that he needed to come by the station, but he ignored my call.”

“Has been ignoring my calls as well,” Buck muttered. “Did he leave Jee-Yun with the Lees?”

Eddie shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest. “He took her with him.”

“Excuse me?” Athena asked appalled, while Buck just frowned.

“Yeah, that was my reaction as well when Hen told me that. I have no idea why she doesn’t see the problem in taking a baby on a road trip for who knows how long or without knowing where it will even end.”

“Maddie will rip his head off when she learns about this,” Buck said. “She asked him explicitly to concentrate on Jee, to take care of her. Having her in a car seat all day isn’t exactly taking care of her.”

Eddie nodded. “He asked me if I ever regretted not following Shannon. And I tried to make sure he understood that these situations can’t exactly be compared. I knew where Shannon was, and when I did take Chris and leave El Paso, I knew exactly where we were going, and it didn’t have much to do with Shannon at all. I told him that his first worry should be his daughter, and that he needed to find someone to take care of her first if he felt it was the right choice to search for Maddie.”

“When did you talk to him?” Athena asked.

“Saturday evening.” Eddie pursed his lips. “Before I knew what he had done. Albert had called me for help because he was overwhelmed with Jee, and when Chimney came home we talked. The hospital called me just after I had left his apartment.”

“Did he say anything about me?” Buck asked quietly.

Eddie shook his head. “Nothing about an argument, or that he had even seen you. He did ask if you had mentioned anything that made me think you knew where Maddie was. And he clearly didn’t believe me when I told him you wouldn’t keep that kind of information from him.”

Which had felt odd even in the moment, but Eddie hadn’t thought much of it then. There had been several moments in the days after the blackout where Eddie had witnessed Chimney’s inability to see that Maddie leaving was affecting Buck as much as him. Maybe they shouldn’t be this surprised that Chimney had lashed out at Buck. Maybe they should have been expecting it and could have then been prepared.

Buck rolled his eyes. “Of course not. He also thinks I knew that Jee had been at the ER and didn’t tell him about it.”

“Maddie hasn’t been reported missing,” Athena said. “I looked it up yesterday. You said there is reason to believe she is mentally compromised. So, why hasn’t she been reported missing?”

Buck blinked and leaned back, wrapping his arms around himself. “Chimney said he would go to the police.”

“You can report her missing as well,” Athena said. “I think you should do that as soon as possible. I know you hope she has gone somewhere to get help, but if she hasn’t and she is struggling as much as you fear, she needs to be found. And going after her following a hunch like Chimney did won’t do much good.”

Buck worried his lip between his teeth. “And will Detective Romero ambush me when I show up to report Maddie missing?”

Athena sighed. “No, of course not. It’s your choice if you want to make a statement, or if you want to allow the hospital to submit the information about your injuries to the police. Though, they could get a warrant to get the documentation from the hospital. But no one will pressure you to do any of that.”

“But you both think I should,” Buck murmured.

“Yes,” Eddie said when Athena looked at him. “I would have tried to talk you into going to the police yourself if I hadn’t been on shift yesterday.”

“Isn’t that a little bit hypocritical of you?” Buck said.

Eddie raised his brows. “Bosko had to bail me out, if I may remind you. If that case hadn’t been dropped, I would have found myself in court. But it wasn’t the guy I had that argument with who decided the case would be dropped, it was the prosecutor’s office after they saw that other guy’s record. I made a mistake when I was mentally in a bad situation, but I still had and have to live with the consequences.”

Athena watched him with raised brows. “Do I want to know what you are talking about?”

“I’m sure you could look it up,” Eddie shrugged. “The record of my arrest should still be in the system, after all. Happened while we didn’t have any contact with Buck because of the lawsuit.”

“Hence Bosko bailing you out and not Buck,” Athena said.

“Because that would have stopped me from taking a call if Eddie just had called me even once,” Buck muttered, rolling his eyes.

Eddie closed his eyes. “We talked about this, and I thought we were good there.”

“Yeah, sorry, I’m just…” Buck waved a hand in front of his face.

“You and me, I know we learned from our mistakes there, and we won’t repeat them,” Eddie agreed, before turning back to Athena. “There was a guy going off on me for parking in a disabled spot and basically telling me I was lying about my son having CP. I lost my temper and was arrested for battery. The guy had no injuries and a history of provoking similar arguments to then sue his opponents. He seemed to have an eye for finding just the right person who was wound up tight enough that he could make them lose it. I learned later that the prosecutor’s office was in the process of losing a case of aggravated battery with that guy as the supposed victim because his opponent’s lawyer had dragged that history into court, and that was part of the reason they dropped the case against me. They even investigated him afterward, though I have no idea what came out of that.”

“Sounds like a really charming guy,” Athena muttered.

Eddie shrugged. “Yeah. But that situation back then and this now aren’t really comparable, Buck. I shoved a guy after an argument in a parking lot, and he went away without any injuries, not even the slightest bruise. Chimney stormed into your apartment, berated you, and broke a bone in your face.”

Buck shrugged. “I’ll think about it, okay?”

***

It only took Buck a day to think about it, and he surprised Eddie the following morning after they had taken Christopher to school by asking him to drive to the police station once they were back in the car. Buck was silent for the whole drive, and Eddie didn’t want to risk him changing his mind, so he kept silent as well.

Eddie was allowed to stay during the conversation between Detective Romero and Buck, and he had to bite his tongue several times when Buck started to find excuses for Chimney’s behavior. Romero let Buck talk, but there was a twitching around his mouth that made Eddie think that Romero would agree with his protests if he voiced them. Eddie resolved to talk with Buck later about his tendency to defend Chimney, and he knew it was Romero’s professionalism that held him back from saying anything.

They left the police station a little more than an hour after they had arrived, and Eddie pulled Buck to a nearby coffee shop, where he ordered them both a coffee and a pastry, carefully choosing something for Buck that he could rip apart into small pieces. Watching Buck eat yesterday had been painful, as he was barely able to move his jaw at all. He had enough movement left to speak, but not enough to take a bite of anything.

Buck had fallen silent again and remained so even minutes after they had sat down at a table outside.

“I’m proud of you,” Eddie said eventually.

Buck looked up with wide eyes. “What?”

“I’m not sure exactly what’s going through your head about this whole situation, but I know it was difficult for you to give your statement,” Eddie said. “I’m proud you made that step despite your doubts.”

Buck heaved out a sigh. “Have you thought about what it will mean for Chimney if this case isn’t dropped?”

“Yes, of course. I did face the possibility of the same consequences, after all. But you won’t find any pity for Chimney in me. He made a choice, and he has to live with it, whatever it will mean for him professionally and personally.”

“He has been so desperate the whole week…”

“So were you,” Eddie interrupted, not interested in hearing this excuse again. “And he didn’t recognize even once that you were as hurt by Maddie leaving as him. You are just a lot more used to dealing with this kind of situation, with the disappointment and the worry both. And even if you had known everything he assumed you knew, he has no right to demand that you inform him about anything Maddie tells you.”

“I know, okay?” Buck whispered, looking down at his coffee and tracing the rim of the cup with a finger. “And it’s so jarring that he is accusing me of keeping dangerous secrets when he probably helped Maddie hide her PPD. I’m so fucking worried about her, but I don’t know what to do.”

“I think you did all you can do,” Eddie said. “The police are officially looking for her now.”

“Thought about trying to search for her as well,” Buck muttered. “I didn’t think Chimney would really leave. Between Maddie and Jee-Yun, he should prioritize Jee, regardless of how hard that choice is, and I don’t know why he isn’t doing that. But anyway, I thought for a while that I should try and search for her.”

“What held you back?” Eddie asked.

Buck shrugged. “I had no idea where to start. And … she clearly asked not to be looked for. The last time I ignored something she asked me when I was worried about her, she didn’t take my calls for three years. I know that Doug probably played a part in that as well, but … I don’t want her to do that again.”

“And this time you can’t even keep sending postcards because you don’t know where she is, or where she will go.”

“But I don’t plan to leave LA anytime soon, so she will know where to find me,” Buck whispered. “That was a big reason for the postcards, you now? To let her know where she could find me if she ever changed her mind about staying with Doug. And that part at least worked. I just wish I had managed to convince her in the last three years that I’d be here for her no matter what, that she could come to me with anything.”

Eddie sighed. “You had a big … disagreement not too long ago.” He knew that wound was still festering in Buck, and had barely started to heal. Most of Buck’s anger and pain were aimed at his parents, but it had also been a hit to his relationship with his sister.

Buck closed his eyes and rubbed a hand over the uninjured side of his face. “I’m still confused why she even invited our parents. But you are right, I wasn’t exactly dealing well learning about Daniel, and I let that damage our relationship again.”

“Buck,” Eddie sighed. “That you and Maddie fought about that secret isn’t your fault. Of course you weren’t dealing well with discovering such a secret after thirty years, and no one should have expected that of you. I’m still impressed you tried to work out the differences with your parents.”

Buck huffed. “Waste of time.”

“At least you know that it isn’t worth it to try to make another effort with them,” Eddie said. “We’ve agreed you are better off without them, and you said they probably wouldn’t come here often. And when they are here, you can just avoid them. If Maddie wants to see them, that’s her choice.”

Buck chuckled and rolled his eyes. “But I don’t need to see them, and she has to accept that. Will you ever stop repeating that?”

“Not as long as you don’t believe it yourself, so, no.”

Buck sighed. “Should I call them? Tell them that Maddie is missing?”

“Would that make the situation better or worse?” Eddie asked, even though he knew the answer.

“Yeah, you’re right. No need to call them. They were quite happy to ignore her for years when she was married to Doug, no reason to change that now.” Buck sighed again. “Thanks for coming with me and sitting through that interview with me. I know it shouldn’t have been as hard as it was to do this…”

“There is no right or wrong here, Buck,” Eddie interrupted him. “You feel how you feel, and that’s okay. When is your next appointment with Dr. Copeland?”

“Tomorrow. Should have been next week, but … I wrote her an email Sunday and asked if she had an earlier appointment. It’s in-person, at ten.”

“Good. I’ll drive you, so you won’t have to drive yourself if you are upset after the session.”

“And you think I will be?” Buck asked.

Eddie shrugged. “I think what happened on Saturday was the culmination of something ugly that has been brewing between you and Chim for a while. And it wouldn’t be the first time you’ll have come out of a session with her upset.”

Eddie had been there for the aftermath of one of those sessions just a couple of days after Buck had learned about Daniel. He knew that in the end the therapy helped Buck a lot, but sometimes he came out of an appointment and Eddie wondered if it wasn’t making everything worse. He had made Buck promise to call him after such appointments so that Buck wouldn’t be alone, and more often than not Buck followed that instruction.

“Have you looked into therapy?” Buck asked.

Eddie blew out a breath. “No.” He should have known that Buck would turn this conversation around to him at some point. He had been waiting for that since the blackout was over, and he knew it had only taken this long to come up again because Buck had been distracted by what was happening with Maddie.

“That doctor in the hospital was extremely unprofessional when she recognized you and blurted that out in front of all of us, you know?” Buck glared at his cup. “And I shouldn’t be glad about a doctor being unprofessional, but I’m glad that I know what’s going on with you. You saw a department therapist after the shooting, right?”

“Frank again,” Eddie agreed. “But … you were right with what you said last time I saw Frank. It’s not good that we aren’t really working. I managed to walk through all the steps to be able to come back to work, but I didn’t think there was anything I needed to work through, so I didn’t, and Frank let me get away with it.”

“Apparently there is something for you to work through,” Buck said with raised brows.

“It was one panic attack.”

Buck glared at him. “One is bad enough. If not for yourself, you need to get help for Chris’ sake. You did notice how much he is hovering over me, didn’t you? I think he doesn’t know anymore how to deal with his worry, and if it’s this bad with me, how bad is it with you?”

Eddie bit his lip. “Chris was there when it happened.” He couldn’t remember if he had told Buck that the last time they had spoken about it. All he could really remember about that conversation was the advice Buck had given him about Ana, and the relief he had felt for someone else telling him he was allowed to end that relationship for his own sake.

Buck huffed. “Of course he was. And did you tell him that you don’t have panic attacks too?”

“I … didn’t talk with him about it.”

“We nearly lost you five months ago,” Buck whispered, watching Eddie intently. “You can’t expect Chris to just get over that. And I know you aren’t. I know you are always trying to do the best for Chris, but … I think this time you aren’t able to see Chris in this as much as you need to because you are struggling so much yourself. And I can understand that. That day still haunts me every other night, and I have a therapist I’m getting along with and who is a great help.”

“Frank never was a big help,” Eddie said after several minutes of silence. His whole involvement in the fight club had thankfully never come to the police’s attention, but that didn’t mean there weren’t consequences he had to deal with. Sometimes Eddie still woke up from nightmares in which he hadn’t been able to save his opponent. The therapy Bobby had sent him to had helped to get a hold of his anger in the end, but he had never even tried to use Frank’s help to deal with the things that anger had led him to. “He helped me get a grip on my anger, but … I think the shock of what I nearly did played as much a part in that as him.”

“You aren’t obligated to see Frank over this,” Buck said. “You aren’t even obligated to see a department therapist. You can look for someone else who is a fit for you. And maybe … someone who can do a session with you and Chris together. The one session Maddie and I had together was a big help for us after the whole Daniel fiasco, and I know Chris won’t be as reluctant to do that as Maddie was.”

Eddie chuckled, staring into his half-empty cup. “No, he is a pro at dealing with all kinds of therapists. The psychologist Chris is seeing actually suggested that, a session for him and me together. As soon as I was ready. I don’t think I understood that comment until the panic attack.”

“Will you think about it?”

Eddie shook his head. “I don’t need to think about it. I know you are right. I did look through a list of therapists over the past week, but … picking up the phone and calling one for an appointment is … not as easy as you’d think.”

Buck chuckled. “Oh, believe me, I know. At least you don’t have any extra hang-ups about it. I thought I had sorted out all of the younger female therapists, but the first one I called sounded exactly like the kind of therapist I didn’t want to see again, and it took me three weeks before I was ready again to try to call anyone.”

“The one who doesn’t work for the department anymore,” Eddie said. He didn’t know what exactly had happened there, had never asked for clarification about the comment Buck had made about sleeping with a department therapist, but that comment from Bobby about her had always stood out to him.

Buck bit his lip. “She isn’t working anywhere as a therapist anymore, period. And she nearly went to jail.”

Eddie leaned forward with a frown. “What did she do to you?”

“It didn’t even have anything to do with my session with her.” Buck frowned and turned his head away. “Abby told me I should report her, but I never did. I didn’t … want to have these kinds of conversations. But apparently I wasn’t the only one of her clients she climbed on top of during an appointment.”

“Fuck.” Eddie fisted his hands. He had thought Buck and this therapist had met somewhere, hooked up, and then met again in her office, which would have been awkward, but not overly worrisome. “And you still chose to go back to therapy without anyone making you do it?”

Buck shrugged. “The one I saw after the ladder truck was really good. He retired shortly after the tsunami and I thought I was good to go without that help, otherwise I … might have chosen another way when Bobby didn’t let me come back. After the well, I decided I needed to find someone I could see regularly. Because nearly losing you fucked me up more than I had expected, and more than I was able to deal with on my own. You need to stop nearly dying right in front of me once a year. Or at all, really.”

Eddie laughed, startled. “That’s something we both need to do.”

“Maybe it will be easier for you to call them if I sit beside you?” Buck said. “You can make those calls when we’re back home. And it’s easier to make an appointment now anyway, because we are finally back on our regular schedule. Am I the only one who felt the last week was pure chaos on top of the blackout?”

“It felt strange, but I think it was needed to give all of us an equal amount of downtime as soon as possible.” Eddie cocked his head. “Do you want to talk about Taylor?”

Buck glared. “Not really. I’ll get over being angry at her at some point. I’m mostly over my anger at you for supporting her already.”

“I told her she needed to let you make your own choice,” Eddie said softly. “But last Saturday seemed to be the evening of people not fully listening to the advice I gave. I don’t think Chimney took in a word I said, so Taylor at least talking to you is probably a win. She is worried about you.”

“I get that,” Buck murmured. “You are all worried about me. And if even Chris feels the need to tell me I need to stop making excuses for Chimney, then there really seems to be something wrong in my head. But that is no excuse to just … she didn’t leave me a choice. She informed me of a decision she had made and didn’t care what I thought about it.”

“I’m sure it’s a little less bleak than that.”

Buck frowned. “Having you defend her is kinda strange.”

Eddie chuckled. “She isn’t so bad. I did get to know her a little bit better when you stayed with us. And you seem to be happy with her, so I’ll need to get used to her anyway, right? If she becomes a permanent part of your life, she’ll be a permanent part of mine.”

“I think you see more in my relationship with Taylor than there really is,” Buck said, shifting around on his chair uncomfortably. “It’s not some big, great love. In fact, it’s not about being in love at all, for either of us.”

“What’s it about then?” Eddie asked confused.

“Providing comfort,” Buck shrugged. “I was … really messed up, and sex provides a lot of comfort for me. And Taylor felt lonely. She had a hard time with all the social distancing, and on top of that, her job led her to witness a lot of the very bad downsides of the pandemic in a very personal way. And we already knew the sex would be great, so we just went back there, and it stuck.”

“It has stuck for nearly half a year now,” Eddie said. “And from what I saw, she basically lives with you. Maybe there is potential for love to grow out of that.”

Buck shook his head. “No, for various reasons. But even if there had been … I can forgive her as a friend with time, but I know I couldn’t forgive her as a partner. To be honest, I’d have a harder time forgiving you than her if you had gone to the police with her.”

Eddie frowned. “I don’t understand.”

“Not sure I understand that myself,” Buck laughed bashfully. “I just feel really … violated is the wrong word, but it’s the only thing that comes to mind. It’s easier to forgive a friend for that than someone I’m more emotionally attached to.”

Eddie shook his head, confused by everything Buck was saying about Taylor. “You have called her your girlfriend, though, in the past.”

Buck shrugged. “Just easier to label it that way, for both of us. There is so much less questioning and judgment if you tell people you are in a committed relationship than when you try to explain to them you have a friends with benefits arrangement. And because I tended to brag about my sexual exploits when I joined the 118, everyone thinks they have a right to judge me over it. You have no idea how much grief I got from Chimney and by extension Maddie and Albert when they thought my frequent calls with Dr. Copeland were a secret girlfriend.”

Eddie made a face. “Did I ever…”

“No,” Buck grinned. “You are pretty good at noticing my discomfort before I notice it.”

“Taylor went to the police because she is worried about you,” Eddie said, deciding that he didn’t want to explore that strange relationship Buck had found anymore. “And I think she might have been suffering from a little bit of shock herself.”

“And because she has a strange notion of truth that I really didn’t understand when she tried to explain it,” Buck huffed. “I think I need to sort this out myself, okay?”

Eddie nodded, still worried but forcing himself to smile. “Alright.”

Chapter 05

Taylor paused for a moment when she opened her door and found Buck standing on the other side. She had tried to call him only once, which had led to a very short conversation in which not much had been said besides Buck telling her she needed to give him time. That had been Monday afternoon, and she had managed to be patient for less than three days before she had texted him this morning. Before Chimney had shown up last Saturday, they had both bemoaned the fact that Taylor was looking forward to a four-day weekend when Buck would have to work, and she had texted him this morning that she was still free and would be happy for him to join her, at least for a couple of hours.

Taylor hadn’t expected Buck to come by, the message had still been marked unread the last time she had checked. She had still planned to spend the day at home, hoping for a miracle, dreaming of Buck coming by and telling her he forgave her. Looking at him now, his shoulders drawn back, his chin raised just a little too high, and a slight frown on his face as if he wasn’t sure if coming here was the right choice, made her understand instantly that they wouldn’t overcome this as easily as she had hoped.

“Hey,” Taylor whispered with a soft smile. “I’m glad to see you. Do you want to come in?”

Buck nodded slowly. “We need to talk, I guess.”

Taylor stepped to the side and held back her sigh. She wished she knew how to make him understand that she had done the right thing, that it would be the right thing for him to support the investigation she had kicked off.

Buck didn’t hug her when he came in, and Taylor swallowed hard while contemplating what that could mean. He was such a tactile person, and she had become so used to getting at least a hug from him whenever they met. Buck forgoing that gesture spoke more to what kind of damage she had dealt their friendship than anything else.

“How are you feeling?” Taylor asked, following Buck to her living room where he sat down on her couch. She hesitated for a moment before she sat down on the other end of the couch, leaving as much space between them as possible.

“Better,” Buck shrugged. “The headache is bearable but persistent. Everything else is good again. I have a check-up at the hospital tomorrow.”

Taylor smiled. “That’s good to hear.”

“I went to the police on Tuesday and gave my statement. I also reported Maddie missing,” Buck said, not quite meeting her eyes. “Apparently, Chimney hadn’t done that yet.”

Taylor nodded slowly. “I’m glad you did that.”

“I still think it’s an overreaction,” Buck said, frowning. “I’d have preferred if you’d have let me deal with Chimney on my own terms. I hope my interview will do some damage control.”

Taylor sighed. “What kind of damage control are you thinking about?”

“Preferably that they would drop the case, but Athena already told me that won’t happen,” Buck muttered. “Chimney isn’t a bad guy, and he is my family. He doesn’t deserve to end up in front of a court for one lapse of judgment.”

“But it’s not his first lapse of judgment, is it?” Taylor asked. “And you didn’t deserve to be hit.”

Buck shook his head and rubbed a hand over his face. “This is really not why I came to talk with you. We clearly have very different opinions about this, and I don’t see either of us changing our minds.”

Taylor sighed. “Okay. Why are you here?”

“I don’t understand what the point of our whole conversation on Sunday was,” Buck said. “What was the point in telling me what you were planning to do instead of just doing it?”

Taylor frowned. “I told you. I would have liked for you to come to the police with me right away. I wanted to give you that choice.”

“Except, you didn’t give me a choice at all, did you?” Buck said.

“I asked you to come with me…”

“No,” Buck interrupted her. “You told me what you would do, and told me that it wouldn’t matter what I decided in the end, you’d still do your own thing. That wasn’t giving me a choice at all, Taylor. It was presenting me with a fait accompli.”

Taylor shook her head. “No, that’s not true.”

“You didn’t even give me a minute to think about it!”

“Because I already knew what you would decide!”

Buck rolled his eyes. “See, that’s exactly what I mean. You went into that conversation convinced you already knew what I would do. If you had really wanted to give me a choice, you would have given me time. A day, or maybe even two, to get over the worst of my headache and to think about it, to give me a chance to understand your reasons. And it wouldn’t have changed anything if you had waited those two days.”

Taylor suddenly felt sick, but she shook her head stubbornly. “Waiting changes the evidence.”

“How would waiting have changed that video you made and didn’t tell me about?” Buck asked with raised brows. “Or the report the hospital will write with the evidence they secured when I was in the ER? Was that story you told me about your friend even true or was that a lie to get me to go to the ER so you would get your evidence?”

“No!” Taylor shook her head, shocked that Buck would even think that about her. “That did happen. And Rachel had to undergo two surgeries afterward, and plastic surgery a couple of years later. I didn’t lie about that. I didn’t want what happened to her to happen to you.” She took a deep breath. “But part of it was also that I knew the hospital would be able to provide evidence of your injuries, and the sooner you arrived at the hospital, the less likely it will be that Chimney’s lawyer can argue you sustained that injury somewhere else.”

Buck shook his head. “I still don’t understand why you are so insistent about this at all. What was the problem with you just letting me handle this with Chimney on my own? We could have apologized to each other, could have worked through this, and I know we could have been able to overcome this. I’m not so sure he’ll ever be able to forgive me if he is dragged in front of a court because of me.”

“Because of himself!” Taylor said through gritted teeth. “Whatever is coming at Chimney isn’t your fault at all, it’s his fault alone. And if he can’t see it, that’s his own problem.”

“He’s my family,” Buck said quietly. “He is the father of my niece. Maddie intends to stay with him for the rest of her life, even if she isn’t remotely interested in another marriage.”

“Are you sure that will still be the case after she learns that he hit you?” Taylor asked.

Buck sucked in a breath. “We’ll see. One mistake shouldn’t be reason enough to end a relationship. And they are both mentally in a bad place right now.”

“Some mistakes are bad enough that one is all it takes to change everything,” Taylor said. “And I would be very surprised if this isn’t something that’s a deal-breaker for Maddie. She’s been through enough violence in her life.”

Buck shook his head. “Chimney would never raise his hand against Maddie.”

“Yeah?” Taylor scoffed. “I’m pretty sure you would have said the same thing about him and you a week ago.”

Buck hesitated for a moment. “Maybe. But my relationship with Chimney is completely different. He’ll always indulge Maddie in her needs, he would never step over that line with her.”

“That’s not exactly healthy, is it?”

“That’s something for them to figure out.” Buck cocked his head and watched her thoughtfully. “You didn’t answer my question, though. Why was this so important to you? Important enough that you stepped all over my boundaries?”

Taylor flexed her jaw and turned her head away. She had already revealed so much about herself in this, she didn’t know if she could or even wanted to reveal even more. “I told you, it’s important that the truth is out there. That it won’t be muddled by time and different perspectives, different stories told.”

“Where is that coming from?” Buck asked. “I don’t think I understand that whole notion about different truths.”

“Even after you’ve already lived a pretty harsh example of it your whole childhood?” Taylor asked. “Maddie and you have very different truths about your parents—have always had that because of things she knew that you didn’t even have a clue existed.”

Buck shook his head. “I still don’t understand.”

Taylor trapped her hands between her legs to stop them from shaking. “I don’t know how to better explain this.”

“Tell me where this idea is coming from for you,” Buck shrugged.

Taylor huffed. “That’s a loaded question.”

Buck blew out a breath. “Okay. I guess I already told you what I had on my mind, and we can’t seem to move forward from that…”

“I’m sorry I put you in that position on Sunday,” Taylor interrupted, suddenly remembering that she hadn’t really reacted to that at all despite how horrified she felt about it. “You’re right; I told myself I was giving you a choice, but that wasn’t what I did at all. Maybe I should have just talked to you after I went to the police after all.”

“Or you could have given me a couple of days,” Buck said.

“What would that have changed?” Taylor asked, shaking her head.

“How I feel about it.” Buck sighed and leaned back, some of the tension leaving his shoulders. “What would it have mattered if this investigation started a couple of days later? You had already made sure all the evidence needed was there. And I wouldn’t … feel this patronized by you. You could have actually given me a chance to make up my mind, and even if I would have still decided not to go to the police myself, at least I wouldn’t feel this violated by you.”

Taylor bit her lip and stared at her knees with a frown. “But I couldn’t have waited. I-I just couldn’t. Waiting until the next morning to speak with you first was already more than I felt comfortable with.”

“Why?”

Taylor shook her head silently. She felt Buck watching her, but she didn’t have the words to explain to him where this compulsion to not let any time pass came from. She hated telling her own story because she hated telling stories when she hadn’t been able to determine the truth as accurately as possible.

When Buck spoke again his tone had changed, and Taylor flinched at the worry she could suddenly hear from him. “Is this something that happened to you, Tay?”

Taylor shrugged and turned away from him as far as she could without outright leaving the couch. “This isn’t about me, though.”

“Yeah, it is,” Buck whispered. He put a hand on her shoulder, and she knew it was a careful invitation for more, an offer of comfort she felt she didn’t deserve at all. “You don’t have to tell me, and I’m sorry if…”

“Could you stop apologizing for everything?” Taylor turned around, fury rising in her chest again. “Nothing in all of this clusterfuck is your fault and I’m so … done with you trying to take the blame for everything!”

Buck watched her with raised brows.

“Chimney hitting you isn’t your fault, regardless of what he thinks you did to deserve it. My inability to deal with my past and not let it influence me isn’t your fault either! That’s completely on me, and I was convinced I had dealt with it better!”

“Okay,” Buck muttered.

Taylor swallowed, and suddenly the words that had been missing earlier poured out of her mouth. “I was nine when I went to wake up my mom in the morning and found her dead. As far as I remember, Dad hadn’t been home the whole night, and the hospital records show that he was on night shift the whole week. Mom had died of an overdose of sleeping pills. At first, it was ruled a suicide, and my dad and I tried to move on. He took two months off from work to be there for me.”

She closed her eyes, not willing to face the pity and worry written all over Buck’s face. “The police came back eight months later and arrested Dad. He keeps insisting that he’s innocent, but the second jury convicted him of first-degree murder after the first one couldn’t agree on anything. The evidence isn’t exactly conclusive, though. And despite all my research, I could never find out why they reopened the case and didn’t tell us about the renewed investigation for two months before arresting Dad.”

“You believe he is innocent?” Buck asked.

Taylor shook her head. “I don’t know what to believe. When I was younger, I was convinced he couldn’t have done it. But I also always wanted to believe that Mom wouldn’t have just left us, especially not that way. I don’t remember there being any sign of depression. All her friends I spoke with later said the same thing—that she was happy, that there wasn’t anything … but they also say my parents’ relationship seemed to be so good and perfect, at least those not affiliated with either side of my family. Because they are very convinced of their own version of events, which either favor my dad or my mom and blame the other one for everything that went wrong.”

She sighed and dug her nails into her legs. “I tried so often to find out what had really happened. And I wonder if there could have been a definitive answer if the investigation into my dad or another cause than suicide would have begun right away. I … I came to the conclusion a while ago that I’ll never get a definitive answer, that whatever I accept as truth, there will always be a doubt left about it.”

Buck pulled her into his arms and Taylor leaned against him with a deep sigh. “I’m sorry you had to go through something like that.”

“It is what it is,” Taylor muttered. She wrapped her arms around Buck, not caring anymore for the shaking of her hands or the tears burning in her eyes. “It’s been on my mind a lot lately, because there is a parole hearing for Dad coming up in December, and … he wants me to speak up on his behalf.”

“And is that something you want?” Buck asked slowly.

Taylor huffed. “That’s another thing I have no idea about. I … This is the moment where I will have to make a definite decision about what I want to believe, isn’t it? Either I decide to follow Dad’s request and decide that I believe he was wrongfully convicted twenty years ago, or I don’t follow his request and decide that I trust the jury made the right decision. Either way, one part of my family will never talk to me again, and I will continue to wonder if I decided to believe the right thing or not.”

Buck was silent for a while. “That’s what you meant when you asked me what truth Maddie would believe.”

Taylor shrugged. “It was on my mind, yeah. And I know it’s not the same…”

“The situation is close enough,” Buck whispered.

“I’m sorry I let Eddie talk me into talking to you before going to the police. I couldn’t have waited, I just couldn’t. To ask for forgiveness afterwards would have been better than the chaos I created.”

Buck sighed. “Maybe. Or maybe not. I don’t know how I would have reacted if you had gone completely behind my back. That … could be a trigger for me all on its own. I think I’ll eventually be able to forgive you. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have come by today.”

“I’m thankful you came. I wasn’t so sure about it when I sent you the message earlier.”

“You have become a good friend,” Buck whispered and kissed the top of her head. “I’ve no idea how I would have gotten through the past five months without your support.”

Taylor smiled. “I feel the same. I’d have been sad if this had broken our friendship.”

Buck chuckled. “But not enough to step back from your beliefs even for a day.”

“I’ve built my whole life on this, no one will ever make me step away from it,” Taylor said. “The truth is everything. I’ll never be able to learn the truth about my parents, but I am able to help others learn the truth about their situations.”

It was difficult sometimes to determine where other people’s lines were, and when it was worth crossing that line. It wasn’t the first time that she was faced with someone not able to understand why she was chasing the stories she was chasing, why she was so focused on finding out the truth. In turn, she also sometimes didn’t understand why some people’s lines were what they were. She knew now, in retrospect, that it wouldn’t have been worth crossing the line with the crew of the 118 she had nearly crossed when she had met them for the first time, but she was also convinced that she would never regret the line she had crossed with Buck this time.

***

Taylor waited, leaning against Eddie’s car at the end of his shift, careful that none of the rest of the firefighters saw her while they were leaving. She didn’t want to speak with any of them, and she suspected at least some of them would stop and ask about Buck if they saw her. She had heard through Buck the previous day what Eddie had told him about their colleagues’ take on Chimney leaving, and Taylor knew she would probably not be able to hold her opinion back, even though she knew that no one here knew yet what had really happened between Buck and Chimney.

Eddie stopped a couple of feet in front of her and watched her with raised brows. “Taylor. This is a surprise.”

“I thought we could maybe have breakfast together if your night wasn’t too exhausting. I know we still have some differences to overcome, and I thought we could start today.” Taylor bit her lip. “I think Buck will need both our support in the next couple of weeks, and it would be good if we could do that without any lingering resentment between us, don’t you think?”

Eddie huffed, but there was a small smile edging on his lips. “Yeah, sure.”

“I know a nice place not too far from here,” Taylor said.

“I can follow your car,” Eddie suggested.

Taylor grinned. “I uberred here and was hoping you would give me a ride.”

Eddie rolled his eyes and unlocked the car. “Confident as ever, I see. Get in. I didn’t get much sleep, but I’m up for breakfast and a little talk. Buck texted me that he visited you yesterday.”

Taylor nodded. “We had a good talk, I think.” She went around the car and got into the passenger seat. “I’m not sure I should have followed your advice, though. Start as if you’d drive to Buck’s place from here, I’ll tell you when to turn.”

“You didn’t really follow my advice,” Eddie said. “From what Buck had to say, you didn’t exactly give him a choice.”

“He said the same to me,” Taylor admitted quietly. “And I guess I really didn’t. Couldn’t have. Which is the reason why I think I should have just ignored you and talked to Buck about it after the fact.”

“No,” Eddie shook his head. “That would have been worse. That’s the kind of betrayal you wouldn’t be able to overcome with him, believe me. This way, you at least consulted him, even if you didn’t leave him a choice. And you are right, he’ll need all the support he can get. Because he already feels guilty about that whole shit, and I can see that there will be some tension at the station once it becomes known that Chimney is being investigated.”

“Yeah?” Taylor frowned.

“I don’t know what exactly Chimney told Hen because I have avoided asking her, but she does know something about a fight between them,” Eddie muttered. “And said something about Buck trying to hold Chimney back from following Maddie. I tried hard not to get into any conversation with her about it. To be honest, I’m not sure how calm I could stay.”

Taylor bit her lip. “It could hurt Buck a lot if your colleagues doubt him.”

“Some will,” Eddie said. “I just hope Bobby will listen to him. I still have to convince Buck that he needs to tell Bobby and the department officially that the police are investigating Chimney. It will be better if that comes from him instead of the police.”

“I didn’t think about that,” Taylor muttered disturbed. She had only thought about Maddie’s reaction, but of course everyone around them would have some kind of reaction to this falling out between Buck and Chimney. She wondered what exactly he had made his own version of Saturday evening out to be.

“Would it have changed your actions?”

Taylor shrugged, grinning sheepishly. “No. But it would have made me worry more about Buck. There is nothing that will convince me I didn’t do the right thing.”

“Then you don’t need to worry about it now, except for consoling Buck when the shit hits the fan.”

Taylor rolled her eyes. “Because that’s how worrying about someone works. If I hear Buck try to find excuses for Chimney one more time I might scream. And I won’t be held accountable for my actions if I hear anyone tell him he needs to apologize to Chimney.”

Eddie sighed. “Yeah. I’m sure that’s part of the reason why Buck is so unhappy that you went to the police. If he could have tried to solve the issues with Chimney on his own, the rest of our shift wouldn’t necessarily have known about anything going on. Buck hates it when something disrupts the status quo of our shift, and this time he’ll feel responsible for it.”

“And this could change quite a lot as soon as the LAFD is officially informed,” Taylor murmured.

“Chimney will be suspended for some time,” Eddie agreed. “And … they won’t let Buck and Chimney back on the same shift, which means one of them will leave, I think. But I’m pretty sure Buck hasn’t thought that far ahead yet, and I won’t bring it up. He’s worrying enough already with the whole situation with Maddie. We can deal with the fallout with the LAFD later.”

“Any news on that front?”

Eddie shook his head. “Nothing. And no news from Chimney either, although I know he has called Hen regularly. But she said she wouldn’t betray his confidence, and if Chimney didn’t want to have contact with Buck I shouldn’t interfere.”

Taylor huffed. “Wow, that’s presumptuous. And fucking hypocritical on Chimney’s part.”

“As I said, Chimney told her his own version of what happened on Saturday.”

Taylor rolled her eyes. “But she didn’t show up to try to get Buck’s version, did she? How has Buck been?”

Eddie threw her an incredulous look. “You saw him yesterday.”

“Yeah,” Taylor shrugged. “But we didn’t talk much about him. We talked a lot about my own sordid past and the reason why I literally couldn’t have waited before I went to the police.”

Eddie hesitated. “Okay.”

“Neither of us was up to talk about Buck’s thoughts or health after going through the whole story of my mom dying of an overdose of sleeping pills and my dad being in prison because of it for the last twenty years, even though the possibility of suicide could never be ruled out completely.”

Taylor took a deep breath. Buck and she had spent the whole morning going through the details of everything Taylor knew because Buck being who he was had immediately wanted to help her solve this mystery. She knew there wasn’t anything to solve, but that didn’t mean she could ignore the hope that arose with the possibility of someone new taking a look at the case and maybe finally seeing the thing that everyone else had missed so far. She felt raw and exhausted from that conversation, even now a whole day later, but at the same time, it made it easier to at least repeat the bare bones of her history.

She hoped that opening up about it would somehow create a better understanding between her and Eddie. They needed to find more common ground between them if they wanted to provide Buck with the support he needed without adding any more stress to his situation. Eddie and she had managed to overcome much of the hostility between them during his recovery, but that didn’t mean they were anywhere near being friends.

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” Eddie said. “But what does that have to do with you going to the police now?”

“It took them half a year to start investigating Mom’s death,” Taylor murmured. “Time changes the information you can gather. It changes evidence, it changes memories, it gives witnesses and investigators time to make up their mind and can change their statements and perceptions.”

Eddie hummed and said nothing. Taylor stared out of the window in silence until she had to direct him to turn right and then left again not too long after that. They got lucky and found a parking spot not too far from the diner that was Taylor’s goal.

“Buck’s struggling,” Eddie finally said after they had both ordered breakfast. “His physical injuries will heal long before the mental ones. I’m sure you noticed that the black eye is already looking better, and he has been a fast healer for as long as I’ve known him. But I’m not sure he’ll ever be able to leave that kind of betrayal behind him. And really, I don’t want him to. There are things I won’t be able to trust Chimney with again, and that includes everything concerning Buck.”

“But he sees Chimney as part of his family, and so he’ll try to repair this even if it’s hurting him,” Taylor said darkly.

“He texted me that you had recommended a lawyer to him and that he was meeting them today?” Eddie asked.

Taylor nodded. “It’s always good to have a lawyer at hand when you are dealing with the police and the court system, even as a victim. Maybe especially as a victim. Too many people are victimized again during investigations, and usually victims are too emotionally exhausted to keep a firm hold on their boundaries.”

“It’s a good idea,” Eddie agreed. “And it will hopefully stop Buck from trying to stop the investigation. He did make a statement to the police, but he tried to excuse Chimney’s behavior even there.”

Taylor rolled her eyes. “Of course he did. I have no idea how to get those thoughts out of his head.”

“We can only remind him every time that nothing in this situation is his fault,” Eddie said. “And trust that his therapy will help. I’m glad to have you as my ally in this. Maybe you really aren’t as bad as I first thought.”

Taylor grinned. “I think I learned out from my mistakes from when we first met. Do you think we ever could become friends? I mean, not just for Buck’s sake.”

Eddie shrugged. “It’s worth a try at least. Especially if you are becoming a permanent fixture in his life.” He frowned. “Though, according to Buck you two have been misleading us a little about that.”

Taylor cocked her head and eyed him for a moment before she barked out a startled laugh. “The details of our relationship aren’t really relevant to any of you. Which is why we gave it a label that wouldn’t lead to any questions. Labels are nice that way, sometimes.” She leaned forward, put her elbow on the table, and propped her chin on her hand with a grin. “Except, of course, if you think I’m somehow in your way. I’m happy to step aside if you’re finally ready to make your move?”

It was a delight to see Eddie fight his blush while he cleared his throat. There was a pause when their order was delivered, but as soon as they were alone again, Eddie rolled his eyes. “Because that’s what Buck is interested in.”

“At least you aren’t denying your own interest,” Taylor said with raised brows, still grinning. “That’s a step forward after whatever that bullshit with Miss Flores was.”

Eddie sighed. “Buck complained about her to you?”

Taylor laughed. “No, he never said a word about her if I didn’t bring her up myself, which is really more than enough to show exactly what his opinion was. The couple of times I met her after you were shot were enough to make me wonder what kind of insanity was leading you around. That you didn’t trust her became evidently clear the day Buck brought you home from the hospital, and I don’t think she or anyone from your family missed that.”

Eddie frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“You really didn’t notice?” Taylor blinked and leaned back while taking a deep breath. “You asked Buck to help you when you needed to use the bathroom. Ana offered to help you herself and you didn’t even contemplate it, got quite tense about it even. She sure as hell didn’t miss the implication there.”

Eddie shook his head. “What implication?”

Taylor chuckled. “She tried to find an ally in me, asking me if I wouldn’t be more comfortable if Buck spent less time with you. Your friendship was ‘inappropriately close’ after all, and we as your girlfriends should put a stop to it before anyone got the wrong idea.”

“Excuse me?” Eddie nearly snapped.

“I laughed in her face and told her if she was that insecure in her relationship with you she needed to find another way to solve it, like open communication or something else that resembled adult behavior. She was not amused.”

Eddie blew out a breath. “I can imagine. She never talked with me about that. Maybe my inability to commit to our relationship as much as I wanted to or as much as she did wasn’t the only problem after all.”

Taylor shrugged. “When I first met you, I was convinced Buck and you were a couple, and I’m still not sure why you aren’t, except the girlfriend-obstacle you had for a while there.”

Eddie snorted. “Girlfriend-obstacle?”

Taylor sighed. “I see you are as talkative about this as Buck.”

“I don’t understand why you would even want to talk about this,” Eddie said. “You and Buck…”

“We are friends,” Taylor interrupted him. “Who have fantastic sex for the moment and provide each other the company we crave from time to time. Buck isn’t emotionally available for a romantic relationship with me, and I’m not wired to even want one. We’ll remain friends, even when the sex eventually falls away.”

“Buck told me how you kissed him and then ran away,” Eddie said with raised brows. “And how you came back a while later, telling him you were sure you wanted to date him, go all-in on it.”

Taylor sighed and shrugged, looking down at her omelet. “I’m aromantic, but that’s a label I only recently found with Buck’s help. It’s ingrained in us from early on that we should want a romantic relationship, isn’t it? A monogamous one, of course, and ideally with a person of the opposite sex. Enough people have told me throughout my life that I just needed to find the right person, that I just needed to finally overcome the trauma of my parents’ tragedy, that the desire for a romantic relationship would eventually come when I got over my commitment issues. Buck is a great guy. I had a moment when I thought that if I needed to make myself fall in love with someone, he was the ideal person. And then he did that stupid stunt on the crane, and I thought my worry was maybe a sign that I really had a chance with that this time.”

Eddie frowned. “That sounds ugly.”

“Yeah, I know,” Taylor agreed. “Especially as I made that decision in a moment when Buck couldn’t have been more emotionally compromised and vulnerable. And I even convinced myself that it was to help him, to give him the comfort he clearly needed after you were shot. But Buck is really good at reading the people he isn’t overly emotionally invested in himself. We talked out what our relationship would be and what we both expected from it before you were released from the hospital. There wasn’t any even unintentional misleading because of Buck’s insight.”

Eddie smiled. “He can be pretty good at that as long as it’s not his own emotions he needs to reflect on.”

Taylor laughed. “Yeah. Although I think he isn’t so bad at knowing his own emotions, just at communicating them. So, now that we have discussed, maybe in too much detail, Buck’s and my relationship, I want to repeat: If you want to finally do something about the clearly more than platonic connection between you, I’m the last person who’ll stand in your way.”

Chapter 06

Buck was more nervous than he thought he should be as he waited in front of Bobby’s office. A-shift would be off duty in less than twenty minutes, and Buck had snuck into the station after Eddie had assured him via text that everyone was upstairs having breakfast. Buck didn’t want to face the whole shift, but Eddie had convinced him that he needed to talk with Bobby and Hen at least about what had happened with Chimney before the police made any inquiries about Chimney at the LAFD during their investigation. The window for that was running short, and Buck felt more secure addressing this at the station than at Bobby’s or Hen’s homes.

Buck rested his head against the wall behind him as he heard the commotion of A-shift descending the stairs. The crew of B-shift had been here for a while already, getting ready for their shift to start, but thankfully no one had come down the hall to the captains’ offices. All three crews of the 118 usually started their respective shifts together up in the loft, so the chance that Buck would need to talk with anyone this early in the morning while waiting in the hallway to the offices had thankfully been slim, which was why Eddie had suggested this little bit of subterfuge.

Buck swallowed and straightened when he saw Eddie turn into the hallway, followed by Bobby and Hen who both froze for a moment when they saw him waiting. Eddie sent him a reassuring smile, but that didn’t help with his nervousness. He was glad Eddie would be there with him during this conversation because he already knew that neither Bobby nor Hen would be happy with him once they learned that the police were involved in a private situation between him and Chimney.

“Hey, thanks for staying a little bit longer to talk to me,” Buck said with a forced smile.

Bobby nodded, eyeing him with a worried frown. “That’s a pretty big shiner you have there.”

Buck shrugged. “You should have seen it a week ago. But don’t worry, it should all be gone by the time I come back to work next Monday.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about,” Bobby said. “Let’s sit down in the office. I assume there’s a reason you had Eddie ask us here.”

“Yeah,” Buck rubbed a hand over the back of his head and followed Bobby inside. Eddie was right behind him, and Buck thought Eddie’s hand on the small of his back shouldn’t be as reassuring as it felt.

Bobby hesitated for a moment before he sat down behind his desk, and Buck only sat down himself when Eddie carefully shoved him into one of the other chairs. Buck rubbed his hands over his thighs, not knowing where he should start. He had talked about it with Eddie and Taylor but now his words were failing him.

“Chimney got you pretty good there, huh?” Hen said chuckling as she sat down.

Buck pursed his lips and fisted his hands in his trousers. “Told you about that, did he?”

“What happened?” Bobby asked with a rough voice.

Hen huffed, half amused half exasperated. “Buck here kept it a secret that Maddie had called him, and they seem to have had a very heated argument about it. And when Chimney told Buck he wanted to leave and search for Maddie, Buck tried to hold him back, and Chimney accidentally got him with his elbow when he tried to break free from Buck’s grip.”

Buck couldn’t help but laugh. “That’s what he told you, really?”

He suddenly had an epiphany that Taylor’s theory about different people having different truths about events wasn’t as far off the mark as he had thought. He hadn’t expected Chimney to outright lie about what had happened, and he didn’t know how to react to Hen just repeating it without even asking him.

“Wow,” Eddie said. “Nice little story.”

“I didn’t touch Chimney at all during that conversation,” Buck said through gritted teeth. “And it wasn’t his elbow that hit me in the eye, it was his fist.”

Hen frowned. “Come on, Buck…”

“If you don’t believe me, Taylor saw all of it,” Buck continued. “And she recorded it. I don’t know why Chimney told you that bullshit … no, we could probably make be a good guess, right? He doesn’t want to be the one in the wrong here.”

“Or maybe you don’t want to be,” Hen said, crossing her arms over her chest. “I don’t know why Chimney would lie to me.”

“Oh, but you think I’d lie?” Buck asked.

“Why didn’t you tell Chimney that Maddie had called you?” Hen asked with a frown. “That’s not a secret you keep in that kind of situation!”

“Because it’s none of his business when I talk to my sister, or what I talk to her about,” Buck said, glaring at her.

He had tried to prepare for this, but he had thought Hen was his friend too and that she would be a bit more impartial in the whole situation. But maybe that had been an illusion all along. After all, it was like Taylor had pointed out several times: Hen knew that there had been an argument between him and Chimney, even that it had been violent, and that he was on medical leave, but she had not called him even once.

“Chim is worried sick about Maddie,” Hen said. “And she is his girlfriend. That gives him a right to know where she is, don’t you think?”

“Right, by that logic I should have called Doug the moment Maddie showed up in LA,” Buck stated, shaking his head. “I’m not discussing this with you. I didn’t know anything more than Maddie had told Chimney in the video anyway.”

Hen reared back. “That’s a completely inappropriate comparison!”

“Maybe not so much,” Eddie muttered.

“I’m pretty sure Buck didn’t come here, asking explicitly to talk to you and me, Hen, to discuss Maddie,” Bobby interrupted.

Buck sighed. “No. I … As I said, Taylor was in the apartment when Chimney came around and we had that argument. He didn’t notice her, even though I really have no idea how he could have ever missed her. She also recorded the confrontation.” He took a deep breath. “And she went to the police the next day.”

“Excuse me?” Hen asked, but Buck was concentrating on Bobby who nodded slowly, not seeming to be surprised at all. “What the hell did she think that would do?”

Buck ignored her. “They’re investigating Chimney for aggravated battery right now. And Eddie convinced me I should tell both of you about that before the police came knocking on your door to ask questions about Chimney.”

“You could just tell them to drop this bullshit,” Hen hissed.

Buck shook his head. “Wouldn’t matter. They could prosecute him even without my cooperation. They have the whole thing on video after all, they wouldn’t have needed my statement. But I did give a statement when I went in to report Maddie missing. Which Chimney hadn’t done, by the way. And I also gave permission for the hospital to hand over my medical information.”

“This is ridiculous!” Hen said agitatedly. “Chim has done nothing to deserve this kind of scrutiny! As if the whole situation with Maddie and her PPD isn’t bad enough for him!”

“Be glad Taylor didn’t make a news report out of it right away,” Eddie said mockingly. “I know she still has all her research that she did about us when we first met her. And for the record, I think it was the right thing to do. Chimney had no right to punch Buck. Nice how worried you are about Buck. You think a simple black eye earns anyone a two-week sick leave?”

“Enough,” Bobby interrupted. “I’d like to talk with Buck alone. If the two of you could wait outside.”

Hen glared at Buck again, but she got up and left without another word. Eddie hesitated until Buck gave him a short nod, and he stepped up to Buck and squeezed his shoulder before he left as well.

Buck avoided meeting Bobby’s eyes. “Are you going to tell me I should try to stop the investigation too?”

“No,” Bobby said softly. “How are you, Buck?”

Buck shrugged. “Headache is still coming and going, but it’s already gotten a lot better. And they said it’s not a symptom of the concussion anymore, but of the damage to the bone. I’ve got a hairline fracture. They’ll take another x-ray on Friday, and I hope it will be healed enough that they’ll let me get back to work. I’m really sorry you had to get a replacement for me when we are already a man down.”

“That’s really not what you should be worrying about,” Bobby said softly. “If you need to take an extra week, don’t hesitate to take it. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Buck shook his head. “I want to come back as soon as possible. I’ll take restricted duty, but I want to come back asap. Please, don’t hold me back this time.”

Bobby sucked in a breath and pressed his lips together in a thin line. “I won’t. If you are cleared for duty after your appointment on Friday, I’ll be happy to see you back on shift on Monday. Can I ask you why you didn’t tell me about this earlier? You could have called me every day.”

“I can’t say I would have told anyone if Taylor hadn’t started this investigation,” Buck murmured. He stared down at a point on Bobby’s desk and dug his fingers into his thighs. “I’d have preferred to talk this out with Chimney on my own.”

“Would you tell me what exactly happened? And when?”

Buck sighed and recited the events of Chimney’s visit in as few words as he could without leaving anything out.

Bobby shook his head. “I’m with Eddie on this. I’m sorry I didn’t call you myself, I should have.”

“Your family went through a pretty traumatic event two weeks ago,” Buck shook his head, smiling sadly. “Your focus should be on them. I have Taylor, and Eddie, and his whole family who are hovering around me as if I was shot this time. I’m surprised Athena didn’t tell you anything.”

“She doesn’t tell me anything about her cases,” Bobby said. “Or cases she knows about. This isn’t something she should take care of, is it?”

Buck shook his head. “No. She came around because she was there when Taylor made the report, but she doesn’t have anything to do with the investigation. She was worried about me. And she did talk me around to giving my statement. I didn’t want to at first.”

“I am worried as well,” said Bobby. “I hope you won’t take to heart what Hen said. I am disappointed that she can’t see your side in this, but I’m convinced she’ll get there with a little bit of time. She has been very concerned about Chimney since he left.”

“I tried to call him,” Buck said. “To maybe clear the air a little bit. And to warn him that the police are looking for him. He’s ignored my calls the whole week, and left all my messages on unread. He’ll only be even angrier at me when he learns about this.”

“Chimney has no reason to be angry at you,” Bobby said with a frown. “And I’m sure I’m not the first one to tell you that. We all understand his worry, and how horrible the situation is for you and him both with Maddie just leaving, but punching you is completely out of line.”

Buck chuckled. “You’re right, you aren’t the first one to tell me that. This will be a clusterfuck when Chimney returns to work, and I’m already sorry that you’ll have to deal with that fallout.”

“Buck.” Bobby frowned. “I think we need to talk for a moment with me as your Captain and you as one of my firefighters, not as friends. And I assume that you coming here to talk about this means that you are here to file an official complaint.”

“What?” Buck shook his head, confused. “No. I just … didn’t want to … have this conversation at your or Hen’s home. What do you mean by an official complaint?”

“The LAFD will conduct their own investigation,” Bobby said slowly, carefully. He leaned forward and braced his arms on the desk, his hands folded together. “And there will be consequences here regardless of any criminal charges Chimney might face.”

Buck shook his head, a hard knot forming in his chest. “That’s not what I wanted!”

Bobby sighed. “I am very concerned about how much guilt you want to take on for this situation. Nothing of what will come Chimney’s way is your fault, and it’s not your responsibility to try to make this right either.”

Buck swallowed. “What type of consequences are we talking about here anyway?”

“At a minimum, Chimney will be suspended without pay for some time.” Bobby sighed. “And he’ll be transferred to another shift, if not another station altogether.”

“No!” Buck shook his head. “Come on, Bobby, we can’t let that happen!”

Bobby stared at him for a long moment, before he said, “I’ll ask you a question and you need to answer me honestly. Don’t think about it, just tell me the first thing that comes to mind.”

Buck shrugged. “Okay.”

“Will you ever be able to trust Chimney again in a situation where you need him to have your back?”

Buck’s breath caught in his throat, and he turned his head away. He wanted to say “Yes, of course!” because he knew that was the only answer that could change what Bobby had hinted at, but he couldn’t form those words.

“Will you trust Chimney to have Eddie’s back?”

Buck huffed. “Come on, Chimney wouldn’t ever turn on anyone el…” He bit his lip and stared at Bobby wide-eyed. He hadn’t meant to say that, and he felt sick at the implication of his own words.

Bobby smiled sadly. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. And I don’t think any amount of therapy and mediation between you and Chimney will ever solve this. Sometimes we do things we are never able to make right again. I won’t allow Chimney and you to work together anymore.”

“But it doesn’t have to be Chimney who leaves!” Buck said hurriedly. “We can transfer me to another station so that Chimney can come back here. He has been with the 118 more than a decade, it’s not fair…”

“Stop,” Bobby said softly. “We haven’t talked about your goals for a while. I know you have done a lot of extra training for heavy search and rescue in your free time. Is that something you want to specialize in? Do you want to join one of the SAR-units? Or join a station that gets more of those calls?”

Buck frowned. “We get plenty of those calls as well. But I guess if I have to leave, it’s a good place to start looking.”

“No, Buck. You don’t have to leave. The question is if you want to leave because you want to pursue career goals you won’t be able to reach if you stay here at the 118.”

“Of course I don’t want to leave!” Buck said desperately, shaking his head. “But if I have to anyway…”

“No,” Bobby interrupted him. “You don’t have to. No one will ask that of you. And I won’t accept or support a transfer request as long as it isn’t for the reasons we just discussed.”

“But if I leave, Chimney could stay,” Buck muttered with a frown.

“I’m not so sure about that,” Bobby said. “To anyone outside of our station, it would seem as if you were being punished for Chimney’s crimes if you left and he stayed. Some of our own shift would probably think the same thing. And I don’t need to ask him to know that Eddie would request to be transferred with you.”

Buck made a face. He didn’t need to ask Eddie about that either. “Yeah.”

“I’m also not sure if he would be the only one.”

Buck shook his head. “The others will hate me if Chimney has to leave. I mean, look at Hen!”

Bobby closed his eyes for a moment. “No one will hate you. And everyone has been as worried about you as about Chimney, if not more so. I know Julia and Samuel both went by your place separately to check on you, and were disappointed that you weren’t there, or at least were pretending not to be. As for Hen, I’m sure in a couple of days she’ll have come around and she’ll apologize to you. She has been Chimney’s sounding board in all of this, and that sadly makes her very biased towards him for the moment.”

Buck rubbed his hands over his face. “I hate this. I didn’t want this.”

“I know,” Bobby smiled. “I hate it, too, and … I don’t know what to think about Chimney right now, but we’ll all have to deal with the consequences of his actions. Even if you transferred to another station, I don’t see the department leaving Chimney here at this station. And frankly, I don’t know if I’d want him to stay if I look at this situation strictly from the perspective of the captain of this shift. The situation would be different if you didn’t work together, but Chimney didn’t just lash out against his child’s uncle, but also against a coworker.”

Buck sighed.

“I’m glad you came to me to talk about it,” Bobby said. “Even if I know you expected this conversation to take a different turn.”

Buck huffed. “Truthfully? I thought you’d react like Hen did.”

“I know,” Bobby said, sounding sad. “And I’m trying to tell myself that that’s not a reflection of our relationship, but rather of your headspace right now. You said earlier that Eddie and his family are hovering, so I assume you have spent most of the last week with him?”

“I’m staying at his house right now,” Buck smiled. “I mean, I didn’t plan to stay for this long, but Chris isn’t happy about letting me out of his sight. Eddie took me home with him for the first couple of days so that I wouldn’t be alone as long as I was suffering from the concussion, but then … I think seeing me hurt has shaken loose a couple of things with Chris that he was holding back, or maybe suppressing. We are trying to work through it, but I’ll stay with them at least until I return to work, maybe a little longer.”

Bobby nodded. “Understandable.”

Buck bit his lip. “Do you really think I need to file an official complaint with the department?”

“Yes. And they’ll want to interview you about it.” Bobby cocked his head. “If you want to, we can drive over to the Chief’s office and take care of that right away. That way you won’t have to wait for them to reach out to you whenever they have processed the paperwork I’d hand in over this.”

“I don’t want to impose…”

“You aren’t,” Bobby interrupted him with a sigh. “I’d be very happy to go with you. And maybe we can go for breakfast afterward and catch up.”

Buck hesitated for a moment before he nodded with a small smile. “I think I’d like that.”

***

Eddie glared at Hen as he closed the door to Bobby’s office behind him. “What the hell’s the matter with you?”

“With me?” Hen asked incredulously. “You should ask Buck that! You can’t tell me you really support this bullshit!”

“Chimney hit him!”

Hen huffed. “That’s not what Chimney told me about that.”

“You didn’t even listen to Buck,” Eddie said. “Instead, you mocked him for an injury that took him out of work for two weeks. It’s not Buck who is pulling any bullshit!”

“Chimney has no reason to lie to me!”

“But Buck does?” Eddie asked. “And which one again is it of those two who has a history of lying?”

Hen crossed her arms over her chest. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I wasn’t even working here yet when that whole thing with Tatiana went down, and I still know all about how Chimney would let Bobby cook for him and tell her it was his cooking, and how he took the actions of others at the station and told her he was the one to do them. And a lot more recently he lied to Buck and…”

“Are you really comparing the secret brother situation to Maddie running away?” Hen interrupted him.

Eddie paused and blinked. “That wasn’t even what I was talking about.” He frowned. “And really, on Chimney’s part that was less lying and more gloating to everyone that he knew something about Buck that Buck himself didn’t know. No, I mean he lied about Maddie’s mental health! You said earlier Maddie has PPD, are you aware that Chimney still hasn’t confirmed that to Buck? That he hasn’t talked with Buck about any of that at all?”

“It’s none of Buck’s business how Maddie and Chimney handle that situation,” Hen said darkly.

Eddie reared back. “What the hell is going on with you? Are you actually trying to tell me that it was the right choice to leave Maddie alone for five days during a heatwave and a blackout while she was struggling with PPD instead of reaching out for help?”

Hen frowned. “Are you trying to imply it’s Chimney’s fault that Maddie left?”

Eddie shook his head. “It’s as impossible to talk to you as it was to Chimney!”

“Buck shouldn’t have lied to Chimney about Maddie calling him,” Hen said.

Eddie raised his brows. “Are you trying to tell me it’s Buck’s fault Chimney hit him?”

Hen huffed. “Chimney didn’t hit him! It was an accident when Buck tried to keep Chimney from leaving!”

“Have you ever seen Buck get physical in any kind of argument?” Eddie asked through gritted teeth. “Have you ever seen him make a step into someone’s personal space when it wasn’t to shield someone else from that person, let alone put his hands on someone?”

Hen opened and closed her mouth without saying anything.

Eddie huffed. “Yeah, I thought so. I get that you want to trust Chimney’s word, but the way you are dismissing everything Buck has to say about it is, frankly, disgusting. Buck has done nothing to deserve this from you. He has done nothing to deserve this from Chimney.”

“Chim is in a terrible situation!” Hen said. “Has been for weeks, and Buck hasn’t been any help at all.”

“I’m aware of Chimney’s situation. And I feel for him. But that doesn’t in any way excuse his behavior, and it won’t protect him from the consequences.” Eddie took a deep breath. “Buck had a grade 2 concussion, and he has a hairline fracture. Just in case you start worrying about Buck’s health at any point here.”

Hen took a step back, her face suddenly slack. “Oh.”

“Yes, oh!” Eddie huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. “You need to get your head out of your ass, Hen! Because Buck hasn’t done anything wrong. He was assaulted in his own home, by a member of his family. You telling him he needs to put a stop to a police investigation he didn’t even start is bordering on victim-blaming. Not listening to his version of events is too, to be honest.”

Hen frowned and shook her head. “Criminal charges could ruin Chimney’s life.”

“So what?” Eddie asked exasperated. “Still not Buck’s fault. We all have to live with the consequences of our actions, Chimney included. I saw the video Taylor took, and for a moment I feared he would hit Buck a second time. That wasn’t an opportunistic impulse driven by anger; there was thought behind that action.”

Hen shook her head. “Never. That’s not Chimney. You know Chimney—he isn’t a violent person.”

Eddie shook his head. “I think you should go home, Hen, and hopefully in a couple of days, you’ll be able to look at this a little more rationally, when you aren’t exhausted from a long shift and when you have had a chance to get your head set straight by Karen, or maybe Athena. The last thing Buck needs is your nagging about this and making him feel guilty for any of it.”

“And the last thing Chimney needs is having to deal with the police,” Hen countered. “He said you understood his situation better than anyone else, and that you encouraged him to search for Maddie.”

“That’s another thing Chimney seems to remember differently from the other person involved,” Eddie said darkly. “He asked me about Shannon, but I tried to tell him that these situations weren’t comparable at all. He has a seven-month-old child to take care of and I can’t believe he took her with him on his wild goose chase.”

“Should he have left Jee-Yun behind?” Hen asked taken aback.

“The last thing a child that age needs is to sit in a car seat all day long,” Eddie said. “Or be cut off from the rest of the meager support system Maddie and Chim let her have. And let’s not even start on the fact that Chimney is crossing all the boundaries Maddie tried to set with her goodbye video. She asked him not to follow her.”

Hen shook her head. “Maddie isn’t in her right mind. She has been suffering terribly from PPD. She could very well be a danger to herself. She needs help.”

“Is that something Chimney told you?” Eddie eyed her skeptically. “Or is that something you inferred from things Chimney has told you and you’ve witnessed? Is it a self-diagnosis by Chimney and Maddie, or did she actually get professional help?”

Hen gritted her teeth.

Eddie shook his head again. “Really, Hen, just go home. And hopefully, in a couple of days, you start remembering that Chimney isn’t the only one of your friends who is affected by Maddie leaving, or by Maddie having mental health problems. Or maybe remember that Buck is your friend as well and that he doesn’t deserve whatever anger Chimney has been feeding you this past week whenever he called you.”

Hen huffed. “I’m not the one who needs to clear their mind. Buck needs to stop airing his private business this publicly.” She glared at him before she turned and left.

Eddie stared at her back, wondering what was going on with her. This wasn’t at all the woman he knew, who he called his friend. Buck had mentioned several times that he dreaded this talk with Hen and Bobby, but Eddie hadn’t expected this reaction from either of them. Eddie turned to the closed door of Bobby’s office and wondered what kind of discussion Buck and Bobby were having. He hoped for Buck’s sake that Bobby was taking it better than Hen.

Chapter 07

“Okay, tell me why we needed to get lost on our way to the otters,” Taylor said chuckling as she sat down on the bench beside Eddie.

Eddie shrugged and continued watching Buck and Christopher, who were just now stopping in front of the otter enclosure. He had made her fall back with him a while ago and stayed just far enough away that Christopher would spot them if he intently looked. He had only made the mistake of wandering off completely once at the zoo when he had thought Buck and Christopher needed to have a little time to themselves, and it had not been a fun time when Christopher had started to look for him and Buck had needed to call him because he had been more than two enclosures away.

“It’s their thing. Usually they go to the zoo, but that’s not an option right now obviously, so Buck suggested the aquarium instead. We had to promise a visit to the zoo as soon as it’s open again, though. I’m still surprised they invited either of us to come with them. I half-expected Christopher would want to have Buck to himself.”

“Their thing?” Taylor asked amused.

“Their place to talk about things they are worried about, I guess.” Eddie sighed. “Started right after the tsunami, and Buck likes to remind me that it’s my fault because I jokingly sent them to the zoo when I dropped off Chris with him the first time after the tsunami. They usually go at least once a month, if not more. Buck has a year-round ticket for both of them, and they even managed to go on some special tours when the zoo was mostly closed last year. They opened up for people with year-round tickets on certain days, with a lot of stipulations.”

“Why is the tsunami the benchmark here?” Taylor asked, and when Eddie turned to her she was watching him with a confused frown.

Eddie stared at her. “You don’t know?”

Taylor blinked. “I’m starting to think I don’t want to know.”

“Chris and Buck were on the pier that day,” Eddie whispered. He didn’t like remembering that day. “I didn’t know. I thought they had gone to the movies. I spent the whole afternoon and evening rescuing others, and I didn’t know that my best friend and my son needed rescuing as well.”

Taylor paled. “Oh my god, no I did not know any of that. Buck has never even mentioned it, and we didn’t have any real contact at that time.”

Eddie shrugged. “Why should he mention it? I’m pretty sure he tries not to think about it most of the time. But Chris and he started to go to the zoo after that, and I think they used it to talk about the trauma of that day. Buck tried to explain it to me once, but I don’t think I fully got it.”

“So, we are giving them a chance right now to have a little heart to heart about whatever Christopher might be worried about?” Taylor asked.

Eddie nodded. “Or something Buck is worried about. It’s something that’s pretty balanced, I think. Buck has always been very open with Christopher about his own worries, and the way he deals with them.”

It was something that Eddie had always been thankful for ever since Buck had started to do it mere months after he had become part of Christopher’s and Eddie’s lives. In the beginning, Buck had been apprehensive about it—he had thought afterwards that he had opened up too much to Christopher—but Eddie had always encouraged him because it was something he himself had a difficult time doing. It provided Christopher with an example he wanted his son to have and something to live up to. It was hard for Eddie to overcome what his parents had taught him, and he never wanted to put Christopher in the same position.

“Why did they ask us to come, then?” Taylor asked.

Eddie shrugged. “To have some quality family time at the same time? Chris has been … clingy. Between the distancing during the pandemic, me nearly dying, and now Buck being hurt, it’s been a lot. Chris is a people person. He didn’t do well with the distancing, especially since I had to distance from him as well to protect him because of my job. He is still desperately trying to make up for what he believes is lost time.”

“I’d consider it to be lost time in his place as well,” Taylor said quietly. “That does explain you but not me.”

Eddie laughed. “Oh no, it explains you too. He knows Buck wants to spend time with you, and by inviting you he makes sure Buck can do that without Chris having to give up his Buck-time. And Chris likes you for yourself as well.” Eddie grinned at her. “Which, again, I don’t quite understand.”

Taylor poked her elbow in his side. “Someday you’ll have to give up those lies!”

“Never,” Eddie said, still grinning. “But I will graciously accept you as part of our life because my son said so.”

“It’s really great to see how devoted both Buck and you are to Chris,” Taylor murmured. “How has Buck been? I was also surprised by the invitation because we haven’t exactly talked much over the last week.”

Eddie sighed. “It’s been … difficult sometimes. He’s worried about Maddie, and there is really nothing we can do about it.”

Taylor nodded slowly. “I’ve done research about PPD and places where she could have gone around here to get help. There are several clinics with in-patient treatment. But calling them wouldn’t do any good, of course. I’ve no idea how to find out if she is at any of those places.”

“And that’s assuming she went to get help in the first place,” Eddie murmured. “I’m worried about the possibility that she didn’t. But I know Buck isn’t thinking about that, and I won’t bring it up to him. He’s convinced she’ll eventually return when she feels better, and that means he thinks she is getting help, right?”

“It’s all we can hope for, isn’t it?” Taylor asked. “And I do hope she is getting help. What else can we do? Buck has reported her missing, but we don’t have any idea where to even start looking for her, do we?”

“And what do we do if we get a notification from the police that she didn’t go to get help?” Eddie asked.

He had only contemplated that thought when he had been alone before now. He couldn’t bring up that possibility with Buck, and he didn’t feel comfortable discussing it with anyone else, neither his family nor his friends. But Taylor was different. Because Buck’s happiness was the one thing creating a connection between them. He knew she was his ally in this, and that she would always think about Buck first in this situation.

Taylor stared at Buck and Christopher in silence for a while. “Helping him grieve would be the only thing we could do in that case. But I don’t want to prepare for that, don’t want to even think about it.”

“He won’t deal well with losing Maddie permanently,” Eddie whispered. “I saw him when she was abducted, when we thought for more than twelve hours that she wouldn’t be found alive. No one said it aloud, but I know we all thought it. Including Buck.”

Taylor turned her head to look at him. “I think I know exactly what he looked like then. But he isn’t alone, and we’ll help him through it, if that’s what’s coming our way. But for now, we’ll believe Maddie is getting help and will return in a couple of weeks. Or at least call him.”

Eddie blew out a breath. “Yeah.”

“And, I mean, there has to be a reason he trusts her to come back, right?” Taylor asked.

“I’m wondering about that,” Eddie admitted hesitantly. “About how well he really knows her in this situation, and how much of Chimney losing his mind is genuine worry because he knows things about her right now that no one else knows. Buck has barely seen Maddie since Jee was born, and he barely saw her during the pregnancy either because of everything that was going on in the world. And the whole fall out with learning about Daniel. I’m not sure how much Buck really knows about Maddie right now, and how much of his conviction is rooted in how he remembers her from the years as a child when she took care of him.”

“I think I’m missing something. Who’s Daniel?”

Eddie opened his mouth, only to close it without saying anything. It took him a moment to remember that Taylor hadn’t been back in Buck’s life yet when that secret had blown up, but he was still surprised that Buck hadn’t talked with her about it. For months, there hadn’t been a single conversation between Eddie and Buck in which Buck hadn’t brought up his dead brother at least for a couple of minutes while he had worked through that revelation. By the time Buck had finally been able to let that subject go a little, Taylor and he had already reconnected for weeks.

“Who is Daniel?” Taylor asked again.

“Buck’s older brother,” Eddie said. “Who died when Buck was a year old, and who Buck didn’t know had even existed until last year.” He blew out a breath. “And at the same time he learned that he had been born as a savior sibling, but even though he was an HLA match for Daniel when the rest of the family hadn’t been, Daniel still died.”

“Oh fuck.” Taylor shook her head and carded her fingers through her hair. “And Maddie kept this secret from him for his whole life?”

“Because their parents asked her to,” Eddie said. “Or, more likely demanded. She was only ten herself, and as far as I understood it, they got rid of everything that could be a reminder of their dead son. They even moved, so that the neighbors wouldn’t judge them about the reason they had Buck. I don’t think they did anything to help Maddie with her grief, maybe even told her she wasn’t allowed to grieve. I honestly think all of this only came up because being pregnant brought up the grief she wasn’t allowed as a child.”

“Do all of us have horrible situations on the parent front?” Taylor asked aghast.

Eddie chuckled. “That’s kind of become a running gag at the station, actually. Hen has a solid relationship with her mother now, although that was rocky for a while as well. But other than that, A shift seems to be a magnet for people with shitty parents, at least for those who talk about their parents. And those who don’t talk about their parents at all can’t have a very good relationship either, otherwise they would at least talk about visiting them, or them coming to visit.”

“That’s sad,” Taylor said.

“A little,” Eddie agreed.

“If you are right about Chimney losing his mind because he knows how much more dire the situation is than anyone else, I dislike him even more,” Taylor said darkly. “Because he should have reached out for help long ago if Maddie’s situation had become so bad that he is expecting the worst now. And that means, whatever is happening to Maddie right now, he is partly responsible for it by making the wrong decisions about how to handle the situation.”

“Oh, I fully agree,” Eddie nodded.

“How are things at the station?” Taylor asked. “Do we need to be worried about Buck going back to work?”

Eddie shook his head. “No. I mean, it’s still a little icy around Hen, but I know Bobby will keep them apart on calls. And even if they have to work together, Hen won’t let her ire influence her professionally. And no one else knows what even happened. They’ll probably speculate a little more, but we have a good team. No one will bother Buck with their speculations.”

“Good,” Taylor nodded. “I know how much comfort Buck takes from his job, and he’ll have to deal enough with that bullshit because the station will remind him of Chimney anyway.”

“I’m there to distract him,” Eddie said. “And to keep Hen at bay if she steps over the line. As far as I know, she’s been talking to Chimney every day, and that hasn’t helped her mood any.”

Taylor nodded. “Good.”

She cocked her head with a small grin and pulled her phone out. Eddie turned his head as she started to take pictures and found Christopher leaning against Buck, his feet braced on the small step at the bottom of the glass wall surrounding the otter enclosure. Buck had his arms wrapped around him and his head bent down while talking to him.

“You think we’ve given them enough time?” Eddie asked.

Taylor chuckled. “You should be the expert in this, not me. Let’s just join them again, we can always get lost a second time. Neither of them seems to be very interested in seeing the animals in the order they come.”

Eddie laughed. “Nope. They made a whole plan about what they want to see, and in which order. There was some debate about choosing the shortest route, but that idea was dropped pretty fast.”

***

Buck adjusted his grip on Christopher as he leaned back against him, wrapping his arms around Christopher’s chest to hold him secure. Christopher had his feet propped up on a small step in front of the glass wall circling the enclosure they were standing in front of, his crutches leaning against the wall beside them. It was the last day before Buck would finally be able to go back to work. Two weeks staying home was longer than he felt comfortable with, even with Christopher distracting him.

“Do you know that sea otters have the densest fur of all animals?” Buck asked. “They have nearly a million hairs per square inch on their body.”

Christopher shook his head staring out over the enclosure of the sea otters. “That’s a lot!”

Christopher had asked to go to the zoo, but the zoo was still closed after the blackout, and after a short discussion they had instead agreed on the aquarium as an alternative. To Buck’s surprise, Christopher had asked for Eddie as well as Taylor to accompany them, but they had lost those two on their way to the otters.

Buck knew it was deliberate, and he also knew Eddie wouldn’t be too far away. Usually, Christopher and he used the zoo to talk, and the aquarium had seemed to be the next best thing, but as it turned out, it wasn’t as good a substitute as Buck had hoped. It would have to make do for the moment, though Buck had already decided to take Christopher to the zoo alone as soon as it was open again.

“It is,” Buck agreed. “But they are the only kind of otter who can spend their whole life in the water. There is no reason why they would have to leave the water, but they don’t have blubber to keep them warm, so they need that thick fur instead.”

Christopher cocked his head and hummed quietly.

“You alright, buddy?” Buck asked.

Christopher sighed deeply. “Do you have to go back to work tomorrow?”

Buck looked down with raised brows, but Christopher kept stubbornly staring at the sea otters. “I’m really happy that I can go back to work. I love being a firefighter.”

“But you were hurt,” Christopher muttered. “And Dad was hurt, too. I don’t like it when you’re hurt. And when you go back to work you won’t stay with us anymore. Why can’t you just stay with us forever?”

“Aren’t you looking forward to having a little bit of time with just your dad again?”

Christopher shrugged. “I guess.”

“It’s been a pretty exciting year so far, huh?” Buck asked quietly.

“I like it when you live with us,” Christopher whispered. “You stopped spending time with us when the stupid pandemic started. I thought when Dad came back home you would come to visit like you had before, but it never happened.”

Buck swallowed. “We tried to minimize the risk for you. And we talked a lot on the phone to make up for it, didn’t we?”

Christopher sighed again. “I guess.”

“I promise I’ll visit more often again,” Buck said. “And as soon as the zoo is open again, we’ll find a day to visit. But I think this is a pretty decent substitute, isn’t it?”

Christopher leaned his head back to look up at him. “Yeah. But I like the zoo more.”

“Me too,” Buck agreed with a grin. “As for staying with you and your dad, we already agreed that I’d stay over more often, right? But even when I’ll spend most of my nights at my own apartment again, I’m only a phone call away. Just don’t try to take an Uber again. That was not your brightest idea.”

Christopher giggled. “Tía Pepa said you’ll never let me forget that. She said you’ll still tell that story to my own children to use against me when I try to scold them.”

Buck laughed. “Yeah, that really is the kind of story you’ll never live down.”

“Did you stop coming by anymore because Ana didn’t like you?” Christopher asked.

Buck sucked in a breath. “Did she tell you that?”

Christopher shook his head. “But she didn’t have to. She was always frowning when Dad and I spoke about you. And you never came over when she was there.”

“I thought you liked her,” Buck murmured.

Christopher shrugged. “I did. I think.” He blew out a breath. “I didn’t notice how much I missed you being around until you stayed with us again now. I don’t want that to stop.”

“It won’t,” Buck promised.

“You could move into our spare room.”

Buck laughed. “You shouldn’t invite anyone to live with you without talking with your dad first, buddy!”

“You aren’t just anyone though, you’re family!”

“I am, aren’t I? But there is a little problem with your spare room idea. Because if there were enough room for a bed between all the boxes your dad has stored there, I wouldn’t have spent two months on your couch when he was healing. Or the last two weeks while I was healing.”

Christopher looked up at him again, rolling his eyes. “We can clean that out! There is lots of room in your apartment if you move in with us. We can just put all those things there, and move your bed into our spare room. And we can keep your couch because it’s more comfy than ours!”

Buck stared at Christopher with raised brows and tried to ignore the chuckling of the couple standing not too far to their left, knowing otherwise he would start to laugh as well. Sometimes he hoped Christopher wouldn’t ever lose this kind of childhood logic, especially in moments when he seemed so much more grown-up than any ten-year-old should be.

“I’m glad that Taylor isn’t like Ana,” Christopher continued. “She didn’t have a problem just coming with us today. And when she and Dad argue, it’s funny, not mean.”

“I’m glad you like Taylor,” Buck said. He couldn’t remember that he had ever argued with Ana, so he wasn’t quite sure what comparison Christopher was drawing here. “I think she’ll be part of my life for a long time.”

Christopher huffed. “Why couldn’t Ana be like Taylor? I think Dad really liked her at first.”

“I remember pretty well that you didn’t like your dad dating in the beginning.”

Christopher shrugged. “And I was right, wasn’t I? She left again.”

Buck sighed and hugged Christopher for a moment a little more tightly. “Yeah.”

“You sure Taylor won’t leave?”

“Your dad’s relationship with Ana was a little different from my relationship with Taylor,” Buck said.

He started to regret those words even before they had fully left his mouth, because of course Christopher asked, “How?”

Buck opened his mouth only to close it again without saying anything. It was very rare that he didn’t know how to answer any of Christopher’s questions, but this time he dearly wished he could just get out of answering the question altogether. He didn’t see a child-appropriate way to explain that.

“I’m not sure I know how to answer that,” Buck said finally.

“How to answer what?”

Buck flinched a little bit in surprise as Taylor and Eddie suddenly joined them, but Christopher turned to her with big eyes. “How is your relationship with Buck different than Dad and Ana’s was?”

Eddie turned to Buck with raised brows, while Taylor met Christopher’s gaze with a soft smile. She didn’t seem to be phased at all by that question. “I think there are a number of differences. And I think the most important is probably that Ana wasn’t ready to accept or even acknowledge your family as it is. There are a lot of people who think a family is a mom and a dad and two-point-five children, and I guess Ana is one of them.”

Christopher giggled. “How can you have half a child?”

They all laughed and Buck said, “That’s the kind of math you’ll learn in a couple of years and hate.”

Taylor wrapped an arm around Buck’s waist. “Having a Buck in your family is something special, but I don’t think Ana saw that. But I know that Buck only comes with you and Eddie together, and I’m very happy to accept that.”

Buck blew out a breath, happy about the save.

Christopher cocked his head and put his feet back down on the floor, turning out of Buck’s arms to face Taylor. “Do you love Buck?”

Buck choked and glared at Eddie, who was standing beside them, arms crossed over his chest and silently chuckling over Christopher’s interrogation.

Taylor squatted down and smiled at Christopher. “That’s not always such an easy question to answer. I like Buck a lot, and I enjoy spending time with him.”

“But you have sleepovers with him all the time,” Christopher said earnestly. “And Harry said that means grown-ups are in love.”

Eddie cleared his throat. “Okay, this is maybe not the kind of conversation we should have in front of the sea otters.”

Christopher blinked. “They can’t really understand us, Daddy!”

Now it was Buck’s turn to laugh at Eddie’s flabbergasted face, but somehow Taylor managed to stay on topic. “Not all grown-ups work the same, that doesn’t change with age. I mean, I’m sure you have things you like that some or even most of your friends don’t like.”

Christopher nodded slowly.

“Being in love, being in a relationship can take on many different shapes,” Taylor said. “I’m not in love with Buck, but for the moment we are very comfortable enjoying each other’s company. Does that make sense?”

Christopher nodded, and Taylor leaned forward and whispered something in his ear which made him giggle and nod. Taylor leaned back with a grin and winked at Christopher.

“What was that?” Eddie asked.

Taylor stood and winked at Eddie this time. “That will be our little secret for now.”

Buck watched Christopher with raised brows. “Want to share, buddy?”

Christopher shook his head and reached out, grabbing Buck’s arm with one hand and Eddie’s shirt with the other to stabilize himself when his giggling made him sway dangerously. “Nope. You don’t need to know our secret.”

Buck and Eddie shared a glance, and Eddie said, “I’m not so sure if it was such a good idea to introduce those two anymore.”

Buck nodded slowly. “Agreed. But it’s too late now I fear.”

“Much too late!” Taylor agreed. “Chris and I are a team now, and you two just have to live with it. I think we agreed on the sharks next, didn’t we? I’ve been waiting to see them the whole day! I love sharks! And wasn’t there a call you had once that involved a shark?”

Chapter 08

Eddie smiled as he helped Christopher into his pajama shirt. It wasn’t often that his son asked for help anymore, and Eddie tried to savor these moments when Christopher remembered that his dad was here to help him. Christopher had fallen asleep in the car on their way home and he had barely woken up while Buck had helped Eddie to lead him through his bedtime routine.

“Today was … great,” Christopher mumbled, interrupted halfway by a yawn.

Eddie chuckled. “Yeah, I completely agree.”

“Can Buck move into our spare room?” Christopher asked. “He already agreed that we can put our boxes in his apartment to make space. But he said I had to ask you first before inviting him to live here.”

Eddie bit his lip to stop his laughter. He was pretty sure that conversation hadn’t taken place quite the way Christopher remembered it. “Buck’s apartment is a little bit expensive to make it into a storage facility. And if Buck moves in, we’d have to make space for Taylor as well, and I don’t think that will work. I mean, she is basically living with him when he isn’t staying here.”

“I like Taylor.”

“Does that have anything to do with your little secret?” Eddie asked, feeling only slightly guilty for trying to interrogate his son while he was already nearly asleep.

Christopher giggled. “I’m not telling you, Daddy. You and Buck have to figure that out yourself!”

Eddie watched him with raised brows. “Do we?”

Christopher nodded decidedly and patted Eddie’s cheek. “Yep. But I have faith in you.”

“Okay, keep your little secret,” Eddie grinned. “You didn’t mind that Taylor and I crashed your day with Buck, did you?”

Christopher rolled his eyes. “You’re silly, Daddy. It wasn’t even a me-and-Buck-day. I know we wanted to distract Bucky because he is sad about Maddie and about the person who attacked him.” He frowned and tried to glare at Eddie, but it was ruined by another yawn. “You still haven’t told me who it was.”

Eddie chuckled and tapped the tip of Christopher’s nose with his finger. “And we won’t. I’m here to protect Buck so something like that doesn’t happen again, but your job is to help us to make him happy again, okay?”

“Okay,” Christopher sighed. “I really want Buck to move in. I don’t want him to stay away again.”

“He won’t,” Eddie promised as he pulled the blanket back and Christopher laid down. “We don’t need to keep our distance from others so much anymore, and Buck and I missed each other as well. But that doesn’t mean he has to give up his own apartment.”

Christopher huffed, but his next argument was only indistinct mumbling and then he slipped right into sleep with a deep sigh. Eddie tucked the blanket in around him and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“Love you, mijo,” Eddie whispered before quietly leaving the room. He found Buck in the living room, sitting on the couch with his feet propped up on the table and scrolling through pictures on both their phones at the same time, sending pictures from one to the other whenever he found one that only one of them had.

Eddie stopped behind him and braced his hands on the backrest. “Sometimes I wonder what parents did before they had smartphones to take pictures at any given moment.”

Buck laughed and opened the picture of him and Christopher in front of the sea otter enclosure that Taylor had taken and promptly sent to Eddie. “Why were you watching us there?”

“Trying to give you a little bit of space,” Eddie shrugged. “Not my fault you and Chris are too adorable to not take a picture. Taylor agreed by the way. She is the one who decided this moment needed to be documented for eternity.”

“I’m not sure if I like you two ganging up on me,” Buck said, leaning his head back to look at Eddie. “Don’t think I didn’t know that this whole day was completely planned to distract me.”

Eddie looked down at him with raised brows. “Did it work?”

Buck smiled. “Yeah. Thank you. I needed this.”

“Do you want a beer?”

Buck shook his head. “Nah, we shouldn’t stay up too long anyway. First day back tomorrow and all that. How was Hen yesterday?”

Eddie shrugged and rounded the couch to sit down beside Buck. “I barely spoke to her last shift, to be honest. Won’t be that easy tomorrow when I’ll be partnered with her because we won’t have a paramedic floater.”

“That will be a problem for tomorrow, I guess,” Buck murmured. “I’m surprised Chris didn’t have you call me to say good night again.”

Eddie laughed. “He was out like a light as soon as his head hit the pillow. Oh, and he told me you already agreed to move into our spare room and make your apartment into our storage room if I agree as well.”

“I didn’t agree to anything!” Buck protested in playful dismay. “I was just so busy trying not to laugh when Christopher came up with that solution that I couldn’t disagree either. And let me tell you, holding back the laughter wasn’t easy with the couple beside us nearly falling over from their laughter.”

“I wanted you to stay here to keep an eye on you with your concussion; I didn’t expect Chris to take that as a solution for his problem of missing you,” Eddie sighed. “Which is mostly a symptom of his fear of losing people in general, isn’t it?”

Buck turned to him. “I know you’re working on that with Chris’ therapist, but you need to have patience. He won’t just stop being afraid from one day to the next. With everything that’s happened, not just in our lives but also the world in general, he has every reason to be afraid. We all have every reason to be a little bit afraid.”

“I didn’t even know it was a problem until he was suddenly clinging to you two weeks ago.” Eddie rubbed his fingers over his eyes, once more overcome by the feeling of having failed his son. He should have seen this, should have at least expected it after Christopher had run away to Buck over this very problem, and after Eddie had nearly died just five months ago.

“So?” Buck shrugged. “Something good came out of the whole clusterfuck at least. We can’t read his mind. In the eight weeks I lived with you while you recovered, I didn’t notice anything either. And maybe he just needed this long to react to your injury. Or maybe seeing me hurt was just the one thing that tipped the scale.”

“Do you think my break-up with Ana contributed to that as well?”

Buck frowned. “Has he asked about her even once since the break-up?”

Eddie blinked and had to think about that for a moment. “No.” He was surprised by that answer himself and wasn’t sure what to think about it.

“Then you shouldn’t worry about it. You said Chris loved her when we talked about this last, but I think it wasn’t actually Chris you were thinking about at that moment, was it?”

Eddie blew out a breath and leaned back, closing his eyes. “You know what my mom had to say when I told her I had broken up with Ana?”

“A lot of bullshit, I bet,” Buck muttered darkly.

“I’m selfish, I’m not thinking of Christopher, I’m unable to provide a stable home for him, I should have never taken him from Texas, it still would be best to let them raise Chris before I ruin his life completely.” He could basically hear his mother’s voice and her condescending tone in his head.

“Why are you still talking to them, again?” Buck asked. “It’s working out great for me not to talk to my parents. I really think you should try that for yourself.”

“Yeah, but your parents are happy to sit in Hershey and forget that they even have children most of the time. Mine will come here unannounced if I start ignoring their calls. So, it’s easier to take their calls and hope it will make them stay away for as long as possible,” Eddie muttered.

“Do you regret breaking up with Ana?” Buck asked quietly.

Eddie huffed. “No. You were right—I was leading her on, and somewhere in the back of my head I had realized a while ago that I wouldn’t just fall in love with her over time. I do regret a little bit how I broke up with her, but there is never a good way to break up anyway, is there?”

Buck made a face. “I guess not.”

“And even if there had been any regret, it would have vanished with what Taylor told me about Ana,” Eddie shook his head.

He had been pondering the things Taylor had told him for the last few days, trying to remember if there had ever been a moment when Ana had tried to talk with him directly. Eddie was convinced he would remember such a conversation, and that it would have led to the end of that relationship a lot sooner. The only thing he remembered was that Ana had basically never talked to Buck outside of a very few exceptions.

“Taylor found time to talk about Ana today?”

Eddie chuckled. “Not today. She ambushed me last week and invited me to breakfast after a shift.”

Buck frowned and eyed Eddie skeptically. “You have spent basically all your free time with me the last two weeks. When was this?”

“When you went to the lawyer.” Eddie grinned. “You know, to overcome the last of our differences now that we are united by a common cause.”

Buck snorted. “Right. You are both ridiculous and I really don’t like you teaming up against me. I think I’ve changed my mind about wanting you to get along with Taylor.”

“Too late!”

“What did Taylor tell you about Ana?” Buck asked, redirecting their conversation back to what Eddie had mentioned.

“That Ana asked her to keep you a little bit more occupied so we wouldn’t spend all our time together.”

Buck snorted. “Oh, yeah, I remember that. That wasn’t too long after you came home from the hospital. Taylor and I had a good laugh over that, and I have to admit that was the moment I started waiting for the inevitable breakup. But no, the only time that Ana hinted that she wasn’t comfortable with me being around was when she questioned why I was still staying here a couple of days after your welcome home party.”

“You never said anything.”

“Why should I?” Buck asked. “Ana’s insecurities about your relationship weren’t my problem. She should have talked to you about it if it made her feel so uncomfortable, not tried to manipulate our friendship through my girlfriend. That was just ridiculous.”

“It is,” Eddie agreed with a frown. “And proves that Taylor was right with the things she said to Chris earlier at the otters. You are basically Chris’ second parent; I don’t know how Ana could expect you to take a step back from our life.”

Buck sucked in a breath. “Eds…”

“It’s true,” Eddie said softly. He turned to face Buck, putting one arm on the back of the couch. “And it’s past time that we recognized it. I’m grateful that you are there for Christ in that role. It’s part of the reason why I knew it was the right choice to leave custody of Christopher to you if the worst happened. Chris agrees, by the way.”

Buck frowned. “Chris knows about your will?”

“No,” Eddie shook his head. “I mean he agrees you are a parent to him. That’s the reason he ran to you when he was angry at me. And that’s the reason why he missed you so much.”

“Maybe you should talk with Chris about your will, though,” Buck said, biting his lip. “I don’t know, but … don’t you think Chris is old enough to decide if that’s really what he wants?”

“He wouldn’t choose anyone else,” Eddie said.

Buck blew out a breath. “Maybe not. But I think he should still have that choice. And maybe just know that that there is a plan in place that includes his own wishes in case a situation like earlier this year happens again.”

Eddie closed his eyes and turned his head away. The last thing he ever wanted to do was burden his son with thoughts about losing him too. He wanted to wrap Christopher in a blanket and promise him he would never leave him, even though he knew how unrealistic that was. Eddie only wished he could keep up the childish nonchalance for his son a little longer despite everything Christopher had already been through in his short life.

“See, you’re even doing it now,” Eddie whispered eventually. “Being a parent: caring for him, his wellbeing and his future, with every single thing you do.”

“I love Chris, and I want the best life for him,” Buck said. “That includes keeping you out of trouble in the first place, but if I fail in that I want us to be prepared for all eventualities.”

“I’ll talk with Chris’ therapist,” Eddie muttered, leaning his forehead against his arm. “I’m not sure talking with Chris about my will would help in his current situation, or if it would make things even worse.”

“Good idea,” Buck agreed. “How is your therapy going?”

Eddie chuckled. “I hate it. It’s exhausting and uncomfortable to have someone take apart my very being, but … you were right about Frank. It was a bad sign that we never really clicked. I might hate it, but I know I need the therapy. It’s a little bit scary how much I already feel the difference after only two appointments. Thank you for pushing me.”

Buck patted his knee. “Anytime. That’s what friends are for, isn’t it?”

Eddie raised his head and watched Buck with a fond smile. “It’s really not what I’m used to getting out of a friendship. I’ve never had a friend before that I knew I could count on no matter what. It’s startling sometimes, and overwhelming.”

Buck grinned. “Can’t be as overwhelming as being told it’s okay to have paternal feelings for a child that isn’t your own.”

“It’s more than okay!” Eddie said forcefully. “If I could, I would make this more official than it already is with leaving custody to you in my will and making you Chris’ second emergency contact right after myself.”

Buck chuckled. “At least you asked me about that part first.”

Eddie shoved his foot against Buck’s shin. “I needed your signature for half of those forms.”

Buck grinned, but then he bit his lip and exhaled slowly. “Do you think Hen would tell me if Chimney found out anything about Maddie?”

Eddie frowned. He had hoped to keep Buck’s thoughts away from his worry about his sister for the whole day, but that had probably been too much to hope for from the very beginning. “I don’t know. I hope she remembers that you have as much a right to know about Maddie as Chimney does, if not more.”

“I hate this whole situation and I just feel helpless,” Buck whispered, leaning his head back with his eyes closed. “And I hate how Chimney reacted to it and what the consequences will be eventually. I understand why Hen is angry about the whole investigation. I don’t like what it will mean for Chimney either.”

“The consequences Chimney will have to deal with aren’t your fault,” Eddie said. “And it’s bullshit that Hen is making you feel bad about it.”

“I haven’t even seen her, or spoken to her since that confrontation on Monday,” Buck reminded him.

“What she said to you on Monday was enough.” Eddie shook his head and grabbed Buck’s shoulder, squeezing softly. “You don’t deserve her mistrust, and if she doesn’t behave tomorrow, I’ll make an official complaint to Bobby.”

Buck shook his head. “Please don’t. Let her have at least two or three shifts to come around, okay? We don’t need even more tension between the team.”

Eddie frowned, but he didn’t know how to convince Buck that there was no need for him to suffer more. Because just taking Hen’s behavior would be suffering for Buck in the end, and there was already enough pain in his life. Eddie couldn’t help in the situation with Maddie and Chimney right now, but he would be able to shield Buck from Hen until she got her head separated from her ass again.

“I miss Maddie,” Buck whispered. “It’s worse now not knowing where she is than it was last time she cut contact. What if she harms herself? What if she doesn’t come back and we don’t find her?”

“Was there any hint of her planning to harm herself when you spoke to her on the phone?” Eddie asked. He really had hoped Buck’s thoughts wouldn’t go down that route.

The simple truth was that they couldn’t do anything to help Maddie at the moment. They had to trust that when she left she had gone away to seek the help she hadn’t been able to get before. That wasn’t something Buck was able to hear right now, though. Eddie had discovered that in more than one conversation over the last two weeks.

Buck shook his head. “No, I don’t think so. And I don’t want to believe she would do something like that.”

“Then believe that she won’t,” Eddie whispered and pulled Buck into his arms. “Hold onto your belief that she went away to get help. We can only hope that you’ll be proven right with that belief in the end, but there is also nothing else you can do right now.”

Buck sighed and dropped his head against Eddie’s chest. They fell into silence, and Eddie wondered if he was any help at all for Buck in this moment, rubbing his hand over his friend’s back.

***

Eddie couldn’t help but watch Buck carefully as they arrived at the station the next morning and got ready for their shift. Usually, Buck would vibrate with energy after coming back from leave of any kind, happy to be back at work, happy to see everyone on their crew again. That energy was completely missing now, and Eddie thought that showed more than anything else what Buck’s headspace was like.

They gathered in the loft as was usual for the beginning of the shift, and if they weren’t called out right away they would also have breakfast together. Eddie had heard that it was something Bobby had brought to their shift, which had then spread to the other two shifts at their station, and he was glad he had only come here after the tradition had been established. Eddie appreciated the familiarity and the trust it created usually, but today proved that it could also lead to everyone noticing right away when something was amiss.

Eddie settled at the table beside Buck, but when Hen came up not even two minutes later, she paused and then chose the table on the other side. Nearly everyone paused, and heads started to turn from Hen to Buck and back again. Eddie sighed and shook his head, thankful when everyone got the hint not to ask about it.

“Good morning, everyone,” Bobby said as soon as Ravi, who had been running a little late had sat down as well. “There is not much to say this morning. Buck is finally back, as you have probably already noticed. Remember that you are on light duty, Buckley.”

Someone snorted and muttered, “Yeah, let’s not risk another lawsuit.”

Hen huffed. “Who knows, maybe it’s already too late for that.”

Eddie glared at her. “That’s so far away from being funny,” he growled.

The silence that followed was uncomfortable, and felt far too long until Bobby cleared his throat. “I agree with Eddie. We don’t need those kinds of jokes. And I’m beginning to doubt if Eddie and Hen should partner up today.”

“I’m sure we can both be professional,” Eddie said.

Bobby turned his head to Hen, who nodded. “Good. Buck, you’re with Ravi on any of the calls you go out on, but be prepared to be man behind more often than not.”

Buck sighed. “Sure thing, Cap.” Then he turned to Ravi with a grin. “And welcome to our shift. I hope you won’t learn to regret joining our madhouse.”

Ravi laughed. “Five days of being stuck with all of you here should have shown me all your bad sides, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, true,” Buck agreed.

Bobby rolled his eyes. “Okay. Any questions?”

Everyone shook their heads, and Bobby declared the meeting over and breakfast to start. It was the only meal of the day they wouldn’t cook together or order takeout for. Instead, everyone brought their own from home, and always something that they could leave behind and still eat later in case a call interrupted them.

“You sure you are okay working with Hen?” Buck asked quietly. “I’m sure neither Jake nor Sasha would have a problem swapping places with you for the day and the other partnering with you.”

Eddie shook his head. “I have no problem working with Hen.”

“Yeah, but she might have a problem working with you,” Buck muttered. “If only because you are supporting me.”

“If she isn’t able to keep that away from the job, that’s her problem,” Eddie said. “Don’t worry about me. And working with Hen means that I might be able to help her see a little bit of sense.”

Buck sighed. “This sucks.”

Eddie curled his fingers around Buck’s wrist and squeezed reassuringly. “It will be alright. Give it a couple of shifts, and things will be back to normal, okay?”

Buck frowned and shrugged, but at least he didn’t protest. Any further conversation about that was interrupted anyway as Ravi joined them, a happy and eager smile on his face as he welcomed Buck back. Eddie had been surprised when Bobby had told them during the morning announcement of the first shift back on their regular schedule after the blackout that Ravi would spend the rest of his probationary period with them, but they had all happily welcome the new probie, only slightly teasing him about bringing them the shift from hell on his first day nearly a year ago.

The first call out for the day happened to be a medical one for a guy who would hopefully get a very long lecture about a healthy workout plan at the hospital. The only really remarkable thing about that call was that Ravi had somehow managed to fold their gurney in half without any idea how he had managed it, or how they could reverse it. They had to transport their patient in the stair chair instead, and Hen kept turning around and glaring at the folded gurney the whole way back from the hospital to the station.

“That ever happen before?” Eddie asked. He couldn’t imagine it was a weirdly unknown feature if their probie had managed to find it by accident, or that no one else had had a similar mishap with a gurney before.

“No,” Hen growled. “If I find out Buck put Ravi up to this…”

“Woah,” Eddie said, tightening his hand around the steering wheel. “What the hell? Why should Buck do that?”

“Who knows why Buck does anything these days,” Hen muttered.

“Buck hasn’t done anything,” Eddie growled. “Especially not to you. You need to get a grip on this attitude of yours, Hen. You think Bobby will let it slide if it starts to affect our work or others on our shift?”

“Buck has done plenty,” Hen said, glaring at him. “This whole bullshit about filing charges against Chimney? And keeping it a secret that he’d had contact with Maddie? I really hope for him that he isn’t keeping any more information about Maddie back.”

Eddie clenched his teeth. Talking with Hen during the last few shifts had been a lot like talking to a broken record, and he had no interest in rehashing any of those arguments. They wouldn’t agree on any of this anyway, and arguing about it would only leave both of them with a headache.

“I don’t care what Chimney, and therefore you, think about Buck at the moment,” Eddie said darkly. “Your little jab this morning wasn’t appreciated either, by the way.”

Hen snorted. “You made that very clear right away.”

“Good. You need to stop letting this argument influence the job.”

“Tell that to Buck,” Hen muttered.

“Buck has barely spoken a word to you today, and has done his best to keep out of your way,” Eddie said. “And I don’t believe for a second you really think Buck would mess with our equipment or blame Ravi for it when he messed it up by accident.”

Hen huffed.

“I mean it,” Eddie said. “If you don’t get your shit together, I’ll file an official complaint with Bobby. I don’t care what kind of bullshit Chimney is telling you, keep it out of the job.”

“That’s the go-to-solution for both of you now, huh?”

“Yes. Because it seems to be the only thing capable of maintaining boundaries with you and Chimney lately,” Eddie said darkly. “This is me warning you. I won’t tolerate your bullshit behavior for long.”

“My bullshit behavior?”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Yes. If you can’t be polite to Buck, just keep your distance. I know Bobby won’t make you work together. And I’m pretty sure he won’t partner us again either for a long time to come.”

“There wouldn’t be any problem if Buck had just…”

“I think we already agreed to disagree on that,” Eddie said. “I think we should keep it to that and just try to get this shift over with.”

Hen took a deep breath, but she didn’t say anything else. Eddie took that as a win, and hoped they would get through this shift without a major blowup between either him and Hen or between Buck and Hen. And he hoped even more Hen would stop her behavior before Bobby needed to step in.

 

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