Reading Time: 83 Minutes

Title: One Who Laughs
Series: The Body is a Work of Heart
Series Order: 1
Author: EAlexBeau
Fandom: 9-1-1
Genre: Episode Related, Family
Relationship(s): Eddie Diaz/Ana Flores
Content Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Hate Speech. Transphobia, Non-Graphic Childbirth, Character Bashing, Discussion of Past Birth Trauma, Canon Violence, Discussion of Past Domestic Violence
Author Note: When I originally plotted this story, it was always going to end the way it did. But then I had the bright idea to include two characters who had died before the story starts. Somehow I still kept the ending I wanted. Two cameos from CW’s The Flash appear in the story and there’s another character clearly inspired by my favorite movie. Chocolate chip cookies to whoever can figure it out.
Word Count: 45,891
Summary: Not even a pregnancy scare and a near fatal accident could keep Shannon and Eddie from divorce. Dating as a trans man was complicated for Evan Buckley, especially when none of the women he dated wanted kids. When the two best friends decide to have a child together as just friends, they embark on a journey that will either make or break their friendship.
Artist: Drake
Artist Appreciation: My gods, the art is amazing! Everyone give a round of applause to my artist, Drake!

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CHAPTER SEVEN

Buck groaned as he collapsed on the couch in his new living room, watching his family and friends carry in boxes through the arch to the hallway. Buck had helped for a while, but everyone telling him that he would get out of breath and tired more easily weren’t kidding. Buck was only twenty-one weeks, barely even showing, but his feet were killing him, his lungs were starting to feel compressed, and his lower back was starting to hurt more.

“Here you go, Buck,” Hen said as she handed him a bottle of water.

“Thanks, Hen. I just need a break, then I’m gonna tackle the kitchen,” he tried to tell her, but the fact that he groaned the last part of the sentence as he shifted didn’t make him sound very convincing.

“Hey, you’ve got the hardest job here. Take your time, if you can join us then come help. If not, Daniel has his stuff handled. Eddie and Shannon have his room and Chris’. You know that Bobby and Michael will do right by your kitchen and dining room. Athena and Karen will flit around, unpacking your living room and keeping you company. As for me, I can brave your room to bring your boxes in and get your bed set up. Just promise me your sex toys are packed away where I won’t find them,” she teased, arms crossed and eyebrow raised.

“The boxes labeled closet. I can’t remember which one has my toys in it. Just avoid those boxes and you should be good,” Buck promised, completely serious. He smiled as he felt the baby give a stretch of its own, Buck following the motion with his hand across his belly.

“Are you still sure you want to do the gender reveal tonight without Maddie and Chimney? ” Karen asked as she joined them, carrying bags of pillows.

Buck sighed at the question, hating it even was one. “I told them both multiple times that we were doing a lowkey reveal tonight after the move. Hell, I even promised them both multiple times no one expected them to help with the move, just come over for dinner and the reveal. But they don’t want to risk getting Jee sick, and they’re tired, and they have more important things to focus on.”

“Aren’t Eddie’s sisters joining over facetime? And his parents? Can’t Maddie and Chim do that?” Hen inquired.

“Sure, and I offered them that as a compromise, but they blew that off too.” Buck recounted. “I finally told them Kendra and Paige are bringing pizza and wings at six and we’re cutting the cake at seven. If they want to come or call, it’s on them. If not then they can find out on my instagram page for the baby.”

“I still can’t believe you started an instagram page for your pregnancy and the baby,” Karen giggled.

“I talked it over with my therapist and we agreed it would be good for me. I still don’t feel it’s my place to educate people on the trans experience. But this is just documenting my experience and celebrating it. And who knows, maybe there’s a trans or gender non-binary teen or young adult out there who knows they aren’t a girl, but the idea of carrying a baby doesn’t freak them out like some people think it should and my page makes them feel seen and validated,” Buck explained.

“I think it’s great!” May piped up as she helped her mother carry in a box of books. “Hey, we get to meet your friends from that support group today, right.”

“Yeah, Paige and Kendra. Kendra wanted a baby and Paige, who’s also trans, decided she wanted a baby too. They decided to do what Eddie and I did and co-parent together.” Buck explained. “Kendra’s due two months after me.”

“I think it’s great that you boys have friends who understand what you’re going through,” Athena told him.

“That group has been a blessing, so thank you for the recommendation, Karen.“

“No problem. I’m glad it helped.”

Before the conversation could go any further, May’s phone started blaring I’ll Make a Mam Out of You.

“And that is my cue to leave for my shift. If I can’t facetime for the reveal, then I expect someone to send me a video!” she ordered.

“Of course! Now go save LA from its own stupidity!” Buck told her as she ran out the door.

Buck spent a little longer being fussed over by Athena and Karen before feeling well enough to get up and help Bobby and Michael in the kitchen. When Eddie had said he was comfortable with Daniel moving in, Buck had immediately made the offer to his older brother, then the three of them had come up with an agreement on how to split finances and then what kind of house they were looking for. It had been unanimously decided that since Buck did the most cooking, what they needed in a kitchen vs. what they wanted was up to him. In exchange for that power though, Buck was in charge of unpacking it. Buck thought it was an even exchange.

“So, what rooms are left after the bedrooms and the public rooms?” Bobby asked as he unwrapped cookware to put it away. Since Buck modeled his kitchen organization off of Bobby’s own, very little communication was needed.

Buck was sitting at the island, organizing cutlery in the drawer he’d pulled out. He looked up at Bobby’s question. “Eddie and I need to put together the nursery once we can agree on a theme. Daniel is going to put together his study.”

“I know you’re using one of the rooms down here for Chris, is the other one Eddie’s or are you using it for something else?” Michael from where he was putting together a coffee/tea station.

“So Eddie and I are on the second floor with the nursery and the guest room. Daniel is on the third floor. It was an attic, but the previous owners remodeled it into two bedrooms and a full bath, so one is going to be his study. As for the room down here, we’re either going to use it as a joint office for me and Eddie or a playroom. We’re not sure yet,” Buck explained, standing up with the drawer to slide it back into place.

“All that and a three car attached garage. I’m not gonna ask how you’re affording this, I’m just amazed you found this place in the first place,” Bobby chuckled.

“Daniel’s new boss, the surgery chief, knew someone who was trying to sell the house. They used it as a multigenerational home, but times changed and they were ready to downsize. They liked that we were a blended family and wanted it to be a multigenerational home too, so they gave us a huge deal,” Buck sheepishly admitted.

“And that giant yard and pool in the back?”

“The original owners of the house built the expansion for the kitchen and one of the bedrooms into their backyard, eating up most of the space. Then, about a year later, there was a fire on the lot behind them. No one was hurt, but the owners of that house decided to sell instead of rebuild, so my house’s owners bought it and tore the old foundations out and used part of that area for an inground pool.”

“So they went through the rezoning process to use the lot as a yard? Smart,” Michael complimented.

“Yeah. Honestly, it’s worth way more than we paid for it, but for the life and family we all want to build? It’s worth every penny and every minute added to our commutes.”

The three men put the kitchen together in no time. Once it was agreed the kitchen was good to go, Buck was sent to relax in the living room with a snack and clipboard to put together a grocery list while Michael helped Daniel and Bobby went to help Hen with Buck’s bedroom.

“Shannon and Chris kicked me out of his room,” Eddie complained as he flopped down on the couch next to Buck. “Said they had it handled.”

“I mean, it’s a good bonding moment for them. Even though Chris primarily lives with you, Shannon helping Chris shows him that she still cares about his life and shows Shannon Chris wants her in his life,” Buck reminded him. “We’ve talked about the importance of all of that before.

“Besides you barely have your furniture and boxes in your room. Where are you planning to sleep tonight if you don’t at least get your bed set up?”

“I slept on the couch our first night in the last house, and that was fine. It’s not like you’re getting your own room or bed set up,” Eddie countered.

“I’ve been ordered to rest and not over do it. Hen and Bobby are putting my bed together and unpacking my clothes.”

“I can’t believe you aren’t fighting to get everything unpacked just so,” Eddie teased. Which was fair. Buck didn’t like to be idle and he was serious about his organization. He had never been diagnosed with ADHD, but damn if he didn’t have the coping skills for it. Dr. Snart and Buck were debating the point of getting a formal diagnosis when he did just fine without any sort of medication, so it would be simply words in Buck’s medical file.

“Honestly, Eddie?” Buck sighed, shifting and putting his feet up on the coffee table. “I’m tired, and my back and feet ache when I stand too long. I can still work out but not for nearly as long. I think it’s time to talk to Bobby about slowly phasing into being the permanent man behind, just doing light duty tasks in the station.”

“I never thought I would hear you say you wanted to be the man behind,” Eddie stated.

“You’ve also never grown a whole new human,” Athena chided him. She and Karen had been setting up the entertainment system, leaving Buck’s books for him to do later at his request. “It’s something indescribable. Don’t get me wrong, it’s amazing, it makes you feel powerful. But it’s also tiring, makes you feel like your body isn’t yours and sometimes it is down right creepy to feel the baby move in you. Then it gets painful and uncomfortable for both you and baby the closer you get to giving birth.”

“I love feeling the baby move, but it is so weird,” Buck agreed, poking at his baby to encourage said baby to move. Buck was taking his kick counts very seriously.

“Mmhm. And you all know how much I hate desk duty. But when I was pregnant with May and Harry? I welcomed it once I could feel them clearly moving around. It wasn’t that it made it more real or feel more dangerous. It just felt like a heavier task to keep them safe. The best way I could do that was by working from the district,” Athena explained.

“Exactly!” Buck exclaimed. “It’s not like it hadn’t been real to me before the baby started noticeably moving but I’m not showing. Feeling them tumbling around in there just made me realize that the baby is getting bigger. The amniotic fluid is still a cushion, but not as much of a cushion. That, plus how tired I get lately, I’m ready to start transitioning to full light duty.”

“Back when I was in the labs at JPL full time we had an assistant who got pregnant and thought that since it wasn’t typically physically stressful work, it wasn’t dangerous. Then one of the other assistants got injured and she didn’t step back in the lab until she was back from maternity leave,” Karen recalled, standing up and brushing off her skirt. “Everyone has their own point when they are ready to step back in their jobs.”

“I guess it’s just one of those things I’ll never truly get, isn’t it?” Eddie asked them all.

“I’ll never get it either, but I guess being a person with a uterus gives me more perspective than you,” Karen comforted him. “Now go put your bed together at the very least. You have enough people to help Chris and Buck. You can afford to prioritize yourself and your needs right now.”

Eddie took the lightly veiled command for what it was and went to unpack his room, leaving Buck with the two women.

“Not to be as much of a gossip as my wife and her best friend, but how goes getting Eddie into therapy?” Karen asked as she sat next to Buck, taking Eddie’s place, Athena slinking out of the room to presumably go help Eddie.

“Slowly. Getting him to go to the support group was a win. And he supports Shannon and I going to therapy. But getting Eddie to agree to go for himself? He can put Chris and this baby first no problem. Even me and my needs Eddie can make a priority. But Eddie’s parents did a real number on him. He thinks prioritizing his needs makes him a bad parent and that therapy is for people too weak to suck it up and push through.”

Karen sighed, pulling Buck into a sideways hug. “I’m sorry, Buck. I wish I could help you, but all I can do is tell you it’s not your responsibility to get Eddie help. One day, the way he handles everything will bite him in the ass and all you can do then is protect your child and try to support him.”

“Logically, I know that,” Buck agreed. “But he’s my best friend and the other father of my child. I can’t help but worry about him. I’m also terrified of what’s going to happen before Eddie hits rock bottom, of what kind of fights we’ll have.”

“What do you mean by what kind of fights you’ll have?”

“More than once Eddie has called me selfish or implied I make things that aren’t about me about me, just because I have feelings about it. I’ve let it go in the past to keep the peace, but what kind of example am I setting for my child by continuing to do that?

“I know Eddie would never treat our child like that, but I wouldn’t want anyone to treat my child that way or for the baby to just let people walk all over them,” Buck clarified.

“I love Hen, and I will always support her. I know she’ll support me and Denny, that she’ll do her best to make time for us with her insane schedule. But when she’s late coming home from work, I’ll always be nervous about why after the Eva incident. And sometimes I worry about how she’ll continue to balance work, us, and med school. Especially the closer it gets to her residency,” Karen confided back.

“But our families are worth all the stress and hard work?” Buck chuckled.

“Always,” Karen agreed.

They were interrupted by a knock on the front door, and Buck heaved himself up to answer it. When he did, he was greeted by Kendra and Paige with stacks of pizza boxes and bags filled with even more boxes, likely the wings and salads Buck had arranged for when he ordered the pizzas.

“Hey guys! I’m so glad you could come! And thanks for picking up the food,” Buck greeted, taking some of the boxes from Paige, Karen grabbing some of Kendra’s share.

“It’s not a problem. If we didn’t have work we would have helped you with the move. Picking up the food was the least we could do,” Kendra chastised Buck.

“And we’re so excited that you invited us to be part of your reveal,” Paige added.

“When you take into account that the people Eddie and I are closest to are either blood related or we trauma bonded through work, it’s huge to find people we’re just as close to without those connections. We count you two in that group, so of course we want you guys to share this moment with us,” Buck told her, tucking Paige into his side, her head barely coming up to his shoulder.

“You guys get everything set up, I’ll let everyone know that the food’s here?” Karen suggested. Buck shooed her away, helping Kendra and Paige lay out all of the food buffet style with paper plates, bowls, napkins, and his favorite compostable cutlery on one end of his kitchen’s center island. They were just finishing up putting soda and cups on the counter when people started to stream into the room, letting Buck, Kendra, and Chris get their food first before flowing into the open living and dining room.

Buck was enormously pleased to see everyone welcome Paige and Kendra with open arms. Athena and Shannon were sharing their own pregnancy experiences with Kendra and Bobby was asking Paige about what it was like helping run a bakery. They hadn’t known the women long, but there were few people who understood Buck and Eddie’s path to parenthood, and even outside of that connection, the four of them just clicked.

With conversation flowing and laughter ringing through the house, time passed quickly. So quickly, they would have missed the time they’d arranged to call everyone if not for an alarm Eddie had set to remind him to call his parents. While Buck and Eddie went to grab their tablets, everyone else began cleaning up and setting the cake up. It took no time at all to get Eddie’s family in El Paso, and Abuela and Pepa on facetime. Buck tried to face time Maddie on Daniel’s phone twice before giving up.

Finally everyone was arranged around the island, facing Buck and Eddie standing behind a white sheet cake & covered in blue and pink icing question marks.

“Before we start, I just want to thank everyone for being here and sharing this moment with us,” Buck told everyone holding the knife with Eddie, just above the cake.

“Thank you for not doing anything that might get another house called for your reveal,” Bobby called his height relegating him to the back.

“Yeah, we’ve been on enough of those calls,” Eddie deadpanned to everyone else laughing.

Finally, Buck and Eddie counted back from three, cutting into the cake and revealing …

“Blue!” the men called out. “It’s blue! We’re having a boy!”

Everyone congratulated them, eating the cake, throwing out name suggestions that ranged from serious to hilarious, before helping them to clean up and slowly trickling out, leaving the Buckley-Diaz family to their first night in their new home.

With all the help on that first day, Buck, Eddie, and Daniel were able to finish unpacking before they were all due back at work. Unfortunately before Buck could talk to Bobby about moving toward light duty, they got a call out to a collapsed balcony, a single mom stuck in it. Buck was quickly placed on crowd control while the rest of his team went up to save the mom. For a minute all Buck could feel was jealousy as his team worked, watching them from the ground. Then his son gave him a sharp kick to the bladder and Buck was reminded why he was down there and why it was so worth it.

“Where’s Eddie?” Buck asked as they came down with the patient but without his partner.

“He stayed behind to keep an eye on Sheila’s son, Charlie. He’s got some autoimmune issues that make going with her to the hospital too dangerous,” Bobby explained, helping Buck load the tools they had used back onto the truck. “It wasn’t easy getting her to agree to it, she didn’t want to leave her son or get treatment at all.”

“I mean, I get putting your kid first, but there’s no way she isn’t hurt. How the hell does she expect to be able to care for her son if she’s injured?”

“I think she was more worried about disease than physical injury. She was pretty distraught. Hopefully the ER can give her some resources while they patch her up. Now come on, Hen and Chimney will pick Eddie up when they drop Sheila back off.”

With that, Buck and Bobby hopped into the ladder truck with their driver engineer and headed back to the station. With their main paramedic team and ambulance and their only current heavy rescue asset unavailable, Bobby had no choice but to take them offline.

Buck decided to take the opening and speak with Bobby about transitioning to working from the station. After Buck confirmed that their conversation didn’t need to happen in private, they decided to get lunch and dinner prepared while they talked. By the time their missing members returned, Buck and Baby had two meals either on the table or in crockpots and a plan for what kind of calls Buck would still go on and for how long before he moved fully to the station.

Despite their exciting first call of the day, the rest of the shift was a handful of boring routine calls. One positive of having nothing else to do was that it gave Buck and Eddie plenty of time to talk about the plan he and Bobby came up with. They also talked about the dinner they were having with Ana and Carla the next night. It would be the first time both women would see their new home and Buck wanted it to be perfect.

Since Eddie and Ana had started dating, Buck had only met her a handful of times. So far she seemed to be handling the fact that Buck was pregnant with Eddie’s child well, but Buck hadn’t spoken to her about it directly. Hopefully now that the men were living together, Buck would see more of Ana and get to know her and her feelings about the baby better.

The dinner, a simple pot roast Buck had put together in the dutch oven Bobby had given him as a housewarming gift, went well. Compliments about the food flowed and Carla made it clear that since she was getting older and taking on less patients, she expected Buck and Eddie to let her help out with the baby. Then since Chris hadn’t gone through any of his old toys and books to donate before the move, Eddie sent him to find some he didn’t want anymore that they could give to Charlie. Carla, as always sensed that the adults needed a moment and went with him and left the other adults to talk about the more serious parts of Sheila and Charlie’s situation.

“So Buck, your brother also lives here with you guys?” Ana asked after Eddie went to check on Carla and Chris. Buck was putting the leftovers into containers to bring to the station for lunch the next day. Ana had her laptop out and Buck assumed she was doing something for work, but he wasn’t sure what she would need to do so urgently, at this time of night, while a guest in someone else’s home.

“Yeah. Eddie and I were always going to move in together for at least a few years so we wouldn’t miss anything with the baby. But when Daniel told me he was moving to LA, I realized I loved the idea of having a big, multigenerational family home. So the three of us agreed to move in together and the stars aligned to land us here,” Buck explained, putting the dishes in the dishwasher and setting the dutch oven to soak.

“It reminds me of Full House,” Ana giggled.

“A little,” Buck agreed with a laugh of his own. “Just without anyone being widowed.”

“Why didn’t he join us tonight?”

“He had work. He’s a plastic surgeon at UCLA. He mostly does elective surgeries, but tonight he’s on call if there’s an accident or someone comes in with burns.”

“Is he excited about being an uncle?”

“Well, Daniel and I are already uncles. Our older sister had a baby a couple months ago. We haven’t been able to see them much because of Covid though. I think he’s looking forward to having his nephew living in the same place as him so he doesn’t have to miss out on this early period twice. It’s the whole reason he moved out here, he didn’t want to miss anything.”

The conversation died out between them, the only sounds were their breathing and Ana’s laptop clicking.

“Hey, Buck, can you come take a look at this? I was trying to find Sheila and Charlie’s FundMe page, figured I could put it in the staff newsletter, but I don’t know what I’m looking at.”

It turns out, they were looking at the possibility of a mother poisoning her own child for either money or attention of both.

“I can’t even imagine doing anything to put this little guy in danger just for my own gain,” Buck whispered, his hand resting on his tiny bump protectively after Eddie voiced his theory aloud.

“I can’t imagine it either, baby,” Carla comforted him. “I don’t think most people could understand that and it’s probably for the best that we don’t try to understand it either.”

Carla and Ana went home shortly after that and Buck and Eddie came up with a plan to make a report to social services when they got to work the next day. Before they could make that report, Charlie called Eddie terrified because he’d decided to see what would happen if he put the same drops in his mother’s food that he had watched her put in his.

Eddie went by himself, so Buck was relieved when Eddie called him to give him an update. He wanted desperately to know that Charlie was ok. Only, it wasn’t Eddie on the phone.

“Buckley, it’s Captain Mehta with the One-Thirty-Three. My team responded to Diaz’s call,” a voice Buck only vaguely recognized told him over Eddie’s phone. “Something happened while we were wrapping up the call and we had to bring Diaz to UCLA Medical Center.”

“What happened?” Buck choked out, collapsing on the station.

“He was shot by a sniper.”

 

CHAPTER EIGHT

Hen drove Buck to the ER in her personal car. Eddie was already in surgery by the time they got there and Buck turned to Hen to tell him what that meant about Eddie’s chances.

“Sniper bullets cause a lot of damage and bleeding that require surgery. But the fact that they got him into surgery so quickly is good, because it means he was stable enough for surgery,” Hen explained to him, drawing on her experience as a paramedic and what she was learning in medical school.

“Wilson is right, Buckley,” Captain Mehta said as he joined them. The man was wearing a standard LAFD station t-shirt instead of the more formal button up that Captainis typically

wore on duty.

“What happened? It was supposed to be a medical call,” Buck whimpered.

“I was asking Diaz if he wanted to ride with the kid and have one of my guys follow in your command vehicle. Before he could answer me, there was a snapping sound and Diaz was jerking in place. I didn’t realize he’d been shot until I wiped the blood off my face and saw him falling. Diaz was shot in the shoulder, through and through, back to front. We kept taking fire, so my guys sought cover and I called it in. Help was never going to arrive in time, so I crawled under the truck and dragged him to the otherside during a break in the gunshots,” Menta explained after making Buck sit down. Now that Buck was looking for it, he saw the blood on the corner of Mehta’s jaw and neck.

“Have the doctors said anything yet?” Buck asked.

“I’m not cleared for them to talk to me. The doctors are waiting for you and someone named Shannon Whitt. I’m guessing that’s his girlfriend?”

“His ex-wife,” Buck corrected. “They have joint custody of their son and Eddie and I are having a baby in a few months. He said he wanted us to make any choices he couldn’t make together since we’re the other parents of his children.”

“I didn’t know you and Diaz were together.”

“We’re not,” Buck sadly chuckled, more than used to the assumption. “I’m trans and I wanted to have a baby. Eddie offered to provide the other parts I needed and now we’re here.

“I need to call Shannon and Ana,” Buck realized. “They haven’t been dating that long so she’s not on Eddie’s contact forms.”

“The hospital called Ms. Whitt already. I told them I would call you.”

“Thank you Captain Mehta,” Buck sniffled, pulling the man in for a hug. “My family can never repay you.”

“I hope your family is okay, Buckley,” Mehta said before he and his team left. Just in time for Buck to see another firefighter being wheeled in with a GSW of her own. Something big was going on, but Buck needed to be here.

“They won’t let me stay,” Hen gently reminded Buck of the Covid protocols currently in place. “I’m gonna go outside to call everyone and send Shannon in. You call Ana and Carla. Then call your doctor and see what she wants to do,” Hen gently ordered him. “There’s no way to avoid stress right now so she might want to keep a closer eye on your blood pressure.”

“You’re right. And this is actually the hospital she works out of, so if she’s in, Dr. Emerson might come down to check on me in person.”

Hen gave Buck a lingering hug and then left him alone to go outside before the hospital could kick her out. lt turns out making those phone calls was a good distraction and Shannon was running in just as Buck was hanging up on Dr. Emerson.

“Has there been any update?” she asked as soon as she spotted Buck.

“No. But, I called Ana so she didn’t find out from the news and I asked her not to come since the protocols won’t let her in the hospital. She’s insisting on coming anyway,” Buck warned. Where he and Ana had a cordial relationship based on rarely seeing each other, she and Shannon decidedly did not get along.

“We’ll handle it when she gets here,” Shannon decided. “We have more important things to worry about. Like when and what we tell Chris and how we’re going to take care of him while Eddie is in the hospital.”

“You sound so sure that he’s going to live,” Buck sniffed, wiping at the tears slowly building in his eyes.

“I’ve known him a lot longer than you,” Shannon bluntly stated with a raised eyebrow. “That man is the single most stubborn person that I’ve ever met outside of his mother. I just like to pretend I don’t know Helena,” she joked, trying to bring some lightness to the situation. “And we both know that Eddie will always fight to get back to his children.”

“Yeah Eddie’s sons are the most important people in his life and he’ll fight for them,” Buck agreed.

“That he will,” came from Dr. Emerson, walking through the doors that led back into the ER proper. “How are you feeling physically, Buck?”

“Jittery, tired, my head hurts but I think that’s from crying or trying not to cry,” Buck honestly answered.

“Okay, I’m going to take your blood pressure. It’s been fine at all of your appointments, but extremely stressful situations can change that. We want to keep ahead of changes that might put you in the danger zone,” she explained as she wrapped a mobile blood pressure cuff around Buck’s upper arm. She turned it on, taking her readings and showing both Buck and Shannon how to use it as she did.

“I’m sending this home with you,” she explained as she packed it away in its case. “I want you to take your blood pressure every four hours while you’re awake for the next three days. Keep some sort of log on your phone or in a notebook, then we’ll go over it at an appointment I’m going to schedule you for. We’ll make a plan for how to proceed depending on the results at that point. If at any time your blood pressure gets into a dangerous range, or you feel more dizzy or tired than usual, your head hurts more or your ankles swell beyond normal, then I want you to go to the ER,” Dr. Emerson firmly instructed.

“His brother and I will keep an eye on him and make him accept our help so he can rest,” Shannon promised. Buck would argue with her, but he knew that when he was in distress, he tended to simply react and try to help everyone, not prioritizing his own needs.

Dr. Emerson gave Buck a few more instructions, including to call Dr. Snart, before she felt comfortable leaving him and Shannon to wait for news. Ana found them before the doctors did.

“How’s Edmundo?” She gasped as soon as she saw them, still trying to hook her mask over one ear.

“There’s no word from his doctor’s yet,” Buck told her, Shannon guiding the other woman into a chair next to Buck, sitting on the coffee table in front of them.

“Who’s with Christopher?” Ana sniffed.

“For right now, he’s with Carla. I already called her, and she’s keeping him away from the news and the internet,” Shannon explained. “I want to wait until we have some kind of update before we tell him anything. Then I think Buck and I should tell him together.

“And you know he prefers to be called Eddie.”

“You’re supposed to have Chris for your first full weekend this week,” Buck suddenly remembered. “I think it’s best if we keep Chris on schedule as much as possible. This is going to be hard enough on him, I think sticking to his schedule and the stability of it will help him deal with everything.”

“Are you sure of that?” Shannon asked. “I think it’s best if you tell him because Chris lives with you and depends on you. I’m coming because I’ve been there before, telling Chris that Eddie was hurt at work. But I don’t know if he’ll feel comfortable spending the whole weekend with me considering what’s happened.”

“You’re his mother, Shannon, and Chris still looks to you for comfort before me. Of course you should be there to tell him. And if it makes you feel better, we can ask Chris if he still wants to spend the weekend with you,” Buck offered. “He was really looking forward to it, couldn’t stop talking about it the last few days. It might be a good distraction.”

Ana chose that moment to add her two cents to the conversation, giving an opinion that no one asked her for. “I’m not so sure any of that is a good idea. Christopher is such a sensitive child, someone familiar, that he can trust should be the one who tells him about Eddie and takes care of him.”

“Excuse me?” Shannon interjected.

“Yes you’re his mother, but you abandoned him and it’s been years since he spent longer than a night with you every couple of weeks. And Buck, I know you care for Chris and you’re having his little brother, but you aren’t his family.” Buck almost thought Ana sounded smug about that.

“You aren’t his family either!” Shannon snapped. “You’ve been dating Eddie for all of four months. And when Eddie told Chris you two were dating, way sooner than I thought he should, by the way, Chris ran to Buck! He only went there because it was closer than going to me, but he called me as soon as he got there!”

“Let’s calm down before they kick us all out,” Buck tried to gently calm the two women down, secretly thankful that his hormones weren’t acting up at that moment so that someone could be rational for this conversation.

“I didn’t mean that I should tell Christopher or take care of him. I’m not planning to leave Eddie’s side,” Ana snapped back, ignoring Buck. “I meant that Pepa or Christopher’s grandparents could fly in to handle everything.”

“No, Pepa has work and she’s taking care of Abuela,” Buck disagreed. “And the last thing my blood pressure needs is Eddie’s parents trying to insert themselves into the situation.”

“It’s not about what you need or want. It’s about what’s best for Christopher,” Ana countered. “The fact that you don’t understand that proves my point. You shouldn’t be caring for him while Edmundo is hurt. It also makes me wonder if you’re really ready to be a parent, especially when you keep denying your maternal instincts because you aren’t a woman. That’s if you even have any kind of parental instinct.”

“His name is Eddie! He hates being called Edmundo, and even his Abuela, who’s husband Eddie was named after, respects that!” Shannon yelled. “And how dare you call into question Buck’s readiness to be a parent because he’s taking his own needs seriously? And don’t you dare bring the fact that Buck’s trans into this!”

“Look, Ana, I appreciate that you’re coming from a place of care and worry for Chris, but it’s not up to you to decide what’s best for Chris. Eddie, Shannon, and I talked about this after I got pregnant. Eddie made it perfectly clear that if he was unavailable or incapacitated, he wanted us, me and Shannon, to make decisions about what’s best for Chris,” Buck calmly explained. He debated if he should continue or let the conversation rest, but ultimately decided it was better to get everything out of the way first sooner rather than later so there could be no misunderstandings.

“We’re also his joint medical proxies and next of kin. The doctors are only going to talk to us, or people we give them explicit permission to talk to. With Covid protocols, we’re also the only ones technically allowed in the hospital without, again, mine and Shannon’s explicit consent, and even then, only one at a time.”

“Eddie’s team is outside. You should go join them. When we leave to see Chris, we’ll tell the doctor to come find you and take you to see Eddie before you go home,” Shannon offered Ana. Buck had to admire Shannon’s ability to be the bigger person in this situation and extend an olive branch.

Before Ana could argue, a security guard came over to see if there was an issue and gently suggest they handle their business somewhere else. Ana seemed to get the message, at the very least, and agreed to Shannon’s plan.

Buck and Shannon sat in the ER before Daniel came jogging in, wearing a mask, scrubs, and his scrub cap covered in pride flags that Buck had given him years ago as a gag gift. “Hey you two, I just heard what happened.”

“Is there any chance you can get us an update?” Shannon asked.

“I’m sorry I missed your call, I had back to back surgeries,” Daniel whispered in his brother’s ear as he wrapped him in a tight hug. To Shannon, he said, “I’m going to bring you guys to my office so you can have some privacy and eat something. While you do that, I’ll get you guys an update. But you can’t leave the hospital until Buck changes.”

“Why do I need to change?” Buck flinched at his own voice, raspy like he’d lost his mask during a fire.

“Because they think the sniper is specifically targeting firefighters,” Daniel revealed, leading the two through the ER’s waiting room.

That simple statement changed everything for Buck. Someone was shooting firefighters. Someone was specifically shooting firefighters with a sniper rifle.

Telling Chris about Eddie had been hard enough. Then, even though they kept the fact that all firefighters were at risk a secret, Christopher was terrified that Buck and his baby brother were in danger. And Buck couldn’t promise Chris that they weren’t in danger.

Whenever firefighters went on a call, they were accompanied by SWAT and wearing kevlar vests. All of Buck’s plans for a staged transition to light duty were thrown out the window with the increased danger of any call. But even trapped in the station, no one knew if Buck was truly safe. Not with the question of if the sniper would target stations.

But Buck couldn’t stay home. He had to do something to prevent himself from spiralling, so he focused on making sure his team was well stocked and fed. Knowing that he was doing everything he could didn’t stop Buck from feeling guilty when the team came back and told him about the call for a construction worker trapped on a crane who might not live, and would lose his arm and his livelihood if he did. His rescue had been delayed by SWAT not being able to meet the One-Eighteen upon arrival. Buck couldn’t help but wonder if things would have been different if he had been there, knowing that if he had been there, Buck would have defied orders and gone up, but maybe the construction worker’s only concern would be if he would keep his arm, not if he would keep his life.

But Buck had long ago learned that he couldn’t focus on the what ifs. So after talking about everything with Dr. Snart, Buck let it go and turned his focus instead to baby name research.

“Shouldn’t you wait for Eddie before picking a name?” Chimney asked, dropping into a chair across from Buck. The blond had baby name books open and scattered all around him, a legal pad under his right hand where he wrote down some of his ideas and favorite names.

“I’m just coming up with a few ideas, mostly for little guy’s middle name. I know what I want it to mean, so now I’m just trying to come up with a few ideas to pitch to Eddie,” Buck explained. “And no I’m not telling you anything. Eddie and I agreed we don’t want anyone to know the name until he’s born. And you can’t keep a secret to save your life.”

Chimney grumbled, but he couldn’t say that Buck was wrong.

Before the conversation could continue or Buck could change the subject to asking Chimney about what was going on with Maddie, his phone buzzed. It turned out to be the text that Buck had been waiting for. Eddie was awake.

Buck barely took the time to find Bobby and explain the situation before changing and racing to the hospital. Between work, helping Shannon with Christopher, and just straight up avoiding Ana, Buck hadn’t seen much of Eddie. But having his first real look at Eddie since Buck heard that he’d been shot be his best friend awake, tired but smiling at him? Buck I decided that the wait was so worth it.

“Hey, Buck,” Eddie whispered.

“Hey, Eddie,” Buck gasped back.

Ana didn’t put up a fight when Eddie asked if he could have some time alone with Buck, simply placed a kiss on his cheek, made sure her mask was secure, and left the two men alone to talk.

“Chris is with Shannon. He was supposed to spend the weekend with her and we didn’t want to change up his schedule too much” was what Buck decided to open with.

“Good. Chris needed both of you, and I trusted you guys to do what was best for him. You definitely did exactly that,” Eddie said as if he knew Buck needed some reassurance about their decisions. “How are you and little guy doing?”

“Dr. Emerson had me monitor my blood pressure for a few days, but that was all good. I’ve been working purely in the station since you were shot.”

“But you two are good? There’s nothing we need to worry about?”

Buck almost rolled his eyes. If he thought it was just Eddie not trusting him to know his own limits and what was best for himself, Buck would have. But this was just Eddie coming from a place of worry about their child so Buck held his instinctive reaction inside.

“Just everything we were worrying about before. Theme for the nursery, his name, my birth plan. But I think I know what I want for his middle name,” Buck admitted.

“We’re not baptizing him because you aren’t Catholic and you want him to pick his own religious beliefs, but you want him to have a middle name?”Eddie sounded genuinely curious, but his raised eyebrow made it seem sarcastic.

“First, middle names have nothing to do with being baptized,” Buck chided. “Second, you almost died. If Captain Mehta hadn’t risked his life to get you, you would have. I was thinking we could name the baby after him, at least his middle name.”

“I can understand your reasoning,” Eddie muttered. “Honestly, I’m here to meet our son because of him. Naming him after Captain Mehta seems the least we could do to show him our gratitude. What’s Captain Menta’s first name?”

“Jeshan,” Buck answered immediately. “It’s Hindi and means clear or bright. I’m not sold on the idea that it’s appropriate for us to use the exact name. But there are other names that mean clear or bright. Claron is one. It’s French and I have some French ancestry on my mother’s side,” Buck suggested.

“I’m not against it, but I’m thinking we should wait until we pick little guy’s first name before making any final decisions. Make sure everything flows,” Eddie counter suggested.

“I can live with that. Since we’re talking about little guy, Dr. Emerson suggested that we tour the maternity ward when you’re discharged. We’re supposed to tour it in about two months anyway, but you’ll be doing PT and with our other appointments and getting ready for little guy, doing it now will save us time.”

Eddie seemed to think about that. “I would really like to just go home as soon as possible. I know how long it takes to recover from a bullet to the shoulder. By your third trimester I should be recovered enough to handle the tour.”

“You can probably handle the tour now which is why Dr. Emerson even suggested we get it out of the way now,” Buck countered “The issue isn’t what you can handle. It’s that I’ll be seeing my doctor every two weeks, you’ll have PT and other appointments, Chris will have PT appointments, you’ll hopefully be recovered enough to work on the nursery. Doing the tour now is just one less thing we have to do in two months.”

“When you put it like that it makes sense. I think all of the pain meds are making my brain foggy,” the older man near giggled. Buck had to admit, seeing Eddie high like this was hilarious.

“I promise not to laugh about it if you promise to not laugh when I get pregnancy brain,” Buck offered, knowing Eddie might not remember it because of said medication.

“Deal, “ Eddie signed, falling back asleep already.

Three days later, Eddie’s arm was strapped down to prevent moving his shoulder, the belongings he had gathered were packed up in Buck’s Jeep and the two men were following Dr. Emerson through the maternity ward. She told them about the basic process for intake and how they would monitor Buck’s labor, some of the birth options, including a water birth that intrigued Buck, and the nursery where they would take little guy if Buck and Eddie needed or wanted a break or the medical staff needed to run some tests.

Everything went great up until the end of the tour. At that point Buck slipped into one of the public bathrooms and Eddie stepped into a quiet corner to answer his mother’s incessant calls. It was when Buck came out of the bathroom that he heard them. Two nurses were gossiping at one of the supply shelves just around the corner, which was perfectly normal for a hospital. The problem was that the two women were gossiping about Buck.

“I just don’t get the point. So you’re too chicken to tough it out as a woman and decide to play at being a man because they have it easier. Then you turn around and go and get pregnant?” one of them snarled.

“Honestly, I just feel bad for that poor baby. A mom who’s seriously mentally ill and a dad who’s just feeding her delusions? How the hell do they expect to give that child what they need?” the other nurse didn’t even bother to whisper. Just spoke in a sad, even tone.

“I heard they aren’t even a couple, never were. Just two ‘friends’ who decided to have a baby.”

“I don’t know how Dr. Emerson let this whole farce go on this long. I have half a mind to call social services when they come in to deliver if I’m on shift. At least the baby will have a better chance in foster care and hopefully its parents will get the help they need.”

“If you don’t, then I will. We’re mandatory reporters. It’s our duty to prioritize that baby’s safety.”

Buck couldn’t listen any more and took off to find Eddie. He just wanted to go home and curl up in his bed. Probably call Dr. Snart’s emergency line. Maybe just eat ice cream and cry into Daniel’s shoulder. Either way, Buck needed to get out of the hospital and far away from those nurses. His fight or flight response was kicking in and it was firmly leaning toward flight.

Eddie didn’t ask any questions when Buck found him, just gleefully left the hospital with Buck. Once more, Buck was grateful for how good he was at masking his true feelings, even from his loved ones.

That ‘talent’ came in handy over the next two weeks as Buck met with Dr. Snart three times trying to untangle his feelings about Eddie being shot, Ana’s behavior and opinions on Buck’s parenting from that first day in the hospital, and what the nurses from the maternity ward had threatened to do. The first two were easy enough. They had figured out who the sniper was and why he did what he did, which helped Buck immensely when it came to processing the situation. It also helped give him a sense of finality. It was over and he doesn’t need to be afraid anymore. As for Ana, her boyfriend had just been shot and might have felt Buck and Shannon were gate keeping her from Eddie’s side. It was a stressful situation, one she had never been in, so it was understandable that she wasn’t thinking rationally and lashed out where she felt she safely could. By no means was it acceptable behavior, but it was understandable.

The incident with the nurses was different though. It wasn’t Buck’s first time experiencing transphobia. Hell, it wasn’t even the first time since he got pregnant. But this wasn’t just hate. This was a legitimate threat to Buck and his family. Buck no longer felt safe giving birth at UCLA Medical Center like he had previously. So Buck and Dr. Snart came up with a different plan. One Buck brought up at his appointment to check for gestational diabetes.

“I need to talk about my plan for delivery,” Buck told Dr. Emerson when she asked if he had any questions like she did at the end of every appointment. “Specifically, do you think it would be safe for me to deliver at home?”

“What do you mean, deliver at home? We never talked about that?” Eddie reacted to Buck’s words with shock.

“There was a situation after our tour. I heard two nurses talking. Specifically about how being trans and pregnant made me a bad parent and how they were going to call DCFS when I went in to deliver.” Buck explained. “I’ve been trying to deal with my fear with Dr. Snart since then, but I simply can’t. The only solution Dr. Snart and I came up with to make me feel safe while giving birth is to do it at home.”

“Then let’s talk about some options and how that might work,” Dr. Emerson gently offered, laying a delicate hand on Buck’s knee.

 

CHAPTER NINE

The time on his phone was mocking him. Buck was sure of it. Still, he dutifully kept his eye on the tiny numbers in the corner as he waited for the next pain to come. When it did, he made a note of the time and started the stopwatch on his phone. It only lasted about twenty seconds before it ended, but that was long enough. It was four-thirty in the morning and Buck was definitely in the early stages of labor. Which was fine, they had prepared for this. Buck had been one centimeter dilated at his last appointment two days previous and Dr. Emerson had been worried about him delivering at thirty-six weeks and five days. Now he was exactly thirty-seven weeks which was considered just fine.

Unfortunately, it was early and Buck had slept poorly all night from the back pain he almost always had and the baby trying to stretch in his stomach. Well, the baby didn’t care about any of that and it was time to put their plan into practice. Starting with rolling himself out of bed and going down the hall to wake up Eddie.

The process was slow going despite the fact that he actually had a rather small stomach before the baby had dropped a day before his last appointment. Since the baby hadn’t been growing outward though, it had felt, and honestly still felt, like all of his organs were being pushed up into his chest, keeping his lungs from fully expanding. By the time Buck reached his best friend’s room down the hall, he felt out of breath, but Buck wasn’t sure if it was from moving around or panic. Specifically about over a year’s worth of preparation, stress, and heart break finally culminating in the one thing he’d always wanted since he was little. A baby.

Normally Eddie was a very light sleeper, so Buck was a little surprised when the man didn’t react at all to the door opening. The therapy he’d forced on Eddie after the shooting seemed to be helping. Eddie hadn’t woken anyone up with a nightmare lately, nor had he mentioned having any to Buck. The blond decided to take the chance and went over to shake Eddie’s shoulder, whispering for him to wake up.

Eddie started awake, first looking over at Buck, then the digital clock he insisted on using. “Dude, it’s not even five. Why’d you wake me up?” he whined, not that he would ever admit to it.

“I’m having contractions,” Buck told him simply. He felt the baby give a kick to his ribs and winced.

“Are you having one right now?” Eddie asked as he sat up and reached over for a shirt. The second Buck had said contractions, he was fully awake.

“No, little guy just kicked. My contractions are about twenty minutes apart and only lasting twenty seconds. We have time,” he assured Eddie. “I want to cuddle with Chris though. Can you let Daniel know I’m in labor and then put Chris in my bed?”

“Yeah, that was the plan, right? You wanted to spend early labor just the three of us?”

“Definitely. I still hate that it can’t stay just the three of us and Daniel,” Buck complained as Eddie put one hand on his lower back and led him back to his own room.

“Ella was recommended by Dr. Emerson, so you know you can trust her. And she agreed to stay out of the way. I’m sure we won’t even know she’s there. And Carla won’t be in the room at all if we need her to sit with Chris,” Eddie reminded Buck of their plan as he carefully lowered Buck down and helped him get comfortable.

“I don’t want anyone here,” the younger man grumbled as he pulled his blankets up.

“I know, buddy. But Daniel doesn’t exactly specialize in childbirth. And Ella is just in case of an emergency and there to check the baby afterward! She’s not even coming over until your water breaks.”

“I know. Doesn’t mean I’m happy about any of it.”

“I know,” Eddie placated the younger man. “I’ll grab Chris so we can all cuddle and then I’ll text everyone the update,” the older promised.

“Daniel first, then Chris.”

“I’ll wake Daniel up first.”

“And please remind my sister that I don’t want her to come by. She’s been firm about isolating with Jee-Yun, but she lost her mind a little when I told her I was having a home birth.”

“I’ll make sure to remind everyone of who can come over and when those we invite can come. Are you still good with Shannon meeting him first and Abuela and Bobby dropping off food?”

“As long as they don’t come in,” Buck confirmed. The plan was to have just the household see the new baby for a week, giving everyone a chance to make sure they weren’t sick and give the new parents some peace. Shannon was only meeting the baby so early because of Chris. The plan was for the boy to assist in the birth if he wanted to, let him feel involved in his brother coming into the world. When Buck had suggested the idea to Eddie and Shannon, she’d been enthusiastically supportive, telling them Chris had actually asked her if he could be there since the baby wouldn’t be born in the hospital. After the birth was over, Shannon would come by the house to check on Chris and possibly bring him home with her for the night. The men had agreed to let her meet their son then.

As Eddie left the room, Buck closed his eyes and let himself drift a bit before he felt Eddie lay Chris next to him. He opened his eyes to look at the still sleeping pre-teen and pulled him closer. Even though Buck was now going to have his own child, Chris was always going to have a special place in his heart. The two of them had been through a tsunami together, there was no breaking the bond that had created. He just hoped Chris wasn’t upset about his brother’s birthday being so close to his own.

Eddie’s voice across from him pulled Buck from his thoughts. “Carla hasn’t responded and neither did Maddie, but it’s early. Abuela and Bobby said they would figure out meals and a drop off schedule between them. They promised to leave everything at the door. Shan asked that we keep her updated. And Ella confirmed that she won’t even come to the house before your water breaks. Daniel is going to get some more sleep, then start getting everything set up,” Eddie updated Buck as he slid into the bed on Christopher’s other side.

“Thanks for taking care of all that, Eds,” Buck breathed as he slipped back into that place between asleep and awake. This quiet time before their lives all changed forever was exactly what they all needed. Eddie tried to doze himself, but found himself too hypervigilant to do so. Instead, he paid attention to every subtle movement Buck made, waiting for him to tense up with a contraction so he could note it down.

When Chris woke up a couple hours later, a little confused about why they were all in Buck’s bed, the two men decided it was time to move. Bucks contractions were only a little closer together, somewhere around fifteen to twenty minutes apart, and only a few seconds longer. Not anywhere near needing to stay in bed. No, now it was time to get some breakfast and build up energy for the long day ahead.

The journey to the kitchen was just as slow as the one Buck made to and from Eddie’s room. A contraction hit him about halfway down the stairs and Buck stopped to lean against the wall until it passed. When they finally reached the kitchen, they found Daniel already there, prepping french toast.

“Hey guys!” he called, taking a second to wash his hands before wrapping his little brother in a tight hug. “I figured we could all use some carbs and protein. So, bacon or sausage?”

“Sausage! Definitely that maple syrup flavored sausage we

got on the last grocery trip,” Buck decided.

“Got it. You sit down and Eddie and I can finish this up. Do

you want orange juice or iced tea?”

“Orange juice to start, then maybe some of that strawberry tea?” Buck asked Daniel, flashing him puppy eyes.

“It’s your show today, baby brother. Whatever you want or need. Eddie and I got you,” Daniel promised, leading Back to one of the stools at the kitchen island.

They all kept conversation light and away from anything related to Buck’s labor or the baby. Daniel asked Chris how school was going now that he was back to in person classes. They laughed about how Bobby barely got Eddie back for a month before losing him to paternity leave. The whole time Eddie’s phone kept buzzing with texts, But other than a quick glance each time, he ignored it. Buck was going to ask who it was, but he got distracted by a contraction instead.

“Starting to stabilize at about fifteen minutes,” Eddie observed, marking it in his phone.

“I don’t know if I want them to speed up so I can get the whole labor thing over with, or stay like they are so I can keep him safe inside for a little longer.”

“I think my nephew might have something to say about that,” Daniel laughed ruffling Buck’s hair like he did when they were kids.

They were interrupted by Eddie’s phone buzzing again.

“Please tell me that’s not Maddie,” Buck pleaded.

“No. I still haven’t heard from her or Chimney. It’s Ana. Chris and I were supposed to go suit shopping with her today for her nephew’s baptism next weekend, but I told her you were in labor and I was going to have to cancel both.”

“Let me guess, she’s pissed?” Daniel was definitely judging Ana.

“Well, I was supposed to meet her family at the baptism and the lunch after, so she’s not super happy,” Eddie acknowledged. “I also told her I would be out of contact for a few days while we adjusted to a brand new baby.“

Buck was in the middle of chewing, so it took him a minute to answer. “I mean, I don’t want her coming over to meet little guy any time soon, but you can still call and text her. I don’t need your full attention twenty- four seven. And I’m fine with you going to the baptism. If you’re worried about leaving me alone with the baby for too long, you can go to the ceremony or whatever it is and skip the lunch.”

“Honestly I’d rather be here with you guys,” Eddie admitted.

“Then Ana will just have to get over it,” Daniel firmly reminded Eddie. “You’ve been dating almost Buck’s entire pregnancy. She knew this day was coming and that Buck and the baby would be your main priority when it did.”

“You’re right, she’ll just have to adjust,” Eddie muttered.

“OK, no more talking about Ana,” Buck ordered. “Here’s the plan for today. I’m going to do the dishes because I need to stand for a bit, then I’m going to go for a walk and Facetime Marjan. She wants to come by and help around the house since most of our family are first responders with families of their own. When I get back, we’ll see where I’m at and give everyone an update so they don’t go crazy and then figure where we go from there.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Daniel agreed. “Is Marjan going to crash here?”

“No, she has an aunt in town she’s going to stay with,” Buck explained.

“I still can’t believe she’s using her PTO to come all this way and do housework,” Eddie said.

“Well we’ve really bonded over setting up my Instagram page and being heavy rescue specialists. She wants to help and in her experience, people fond over the baby and offer prepped meals or to hold the baby while parents shower or sleep, but ignore the household chores. So yeah, she’s coming halfway across the country to do our chores so we can focus on bonding with little guy.”

“Well, I’m not gonna turn her away if that’s what she wants to do. If nothing else, it’ll be nice to see her again,” Eddie was smiling wide at the prospect.

“I’m just excited to meet her for the first time!” Daniel added.

Everything seemed to move quickly from these. Buck had another contraction while they finished eating, and yet another while doing the dishes. When Buck called Marjan, he happened to catch her while she was finishing her shift and got to see her

run around her temporary station to find her captain. The brief glimpse of him that Buck got showed an older gentleman who appeared amused at Marjan’s reason for PTO. His wife who was apparently there to pick him up just cooed over how sweet it was that Marjan wanted to help. Either way, she had her time off and would be there in two days.

From there it was a matter of riding out the contractions, sometimes alone because he didn’t want anyone touching him, sometimes with Eddie or Daniel supporting him. Chris was in and out texting Shannon and checking if Buck needed anything. When Buck’s contractions were five minutes apart and lasting about a minute, he called Chris over.

“Do you remember when we talked about you being there when your brother is born?” Buck began.

“Yeah, am I still allowed to help? Mom and you already told me what it would be like, but I get it if you changed your mind,” Chris was quick to answer Buck.

“I’m still ok with you being there and so are your parents,” Buck reassured Chris. “I just wanted to check that you were still comfortable helping me. It’s going to be intense, and maybe scary, and we talked about how my genitals are different from other boys.”

“I know, I can handle it,” Chris swore, way more mature than most kids about to turn eleven. “I told my health teacher at school that I already knew all about reproductive organs because you guys explained it to me when I asked how my brother was made. She was really impressed.”

“I’m sure she was, you little show off. Can you do me a favor and go get your dad and Daniel, please?”

“Sure!”

While Buck had been talking to Chris, he had been swaying side to side on a birthing ball in the living room. Once Chris left Buck stopped, leaning forward and groaning as he experienced his most intense contraction yet.

“How you doing, Buck?” Daniel asked as he and Eddie entered the living room.

“My water broke,” he gasped. “You can call Ella, but I have this feeling in my gut that she won’t make it in time.”

“I’ll give her a call,” Daniel said, rushing off to find his phone.

“What do you need for now, Buck?” Eddie asked.

“Mmm,” Buck hummed through his next contraction, only a couple minutes after the previous one. When it was over, he answered his best friend and baby’s father. “Some towels to clean up the amniotic fluid and then the baby. That button up I wanted to deliver in, my squat bar, and the sterilized clamps and scissors,” Buck listed.

“You’re sure about this?” Eddie double checked. Normally, Buck would understand that it was just Eddie being Eddie, needing certainty. But Buck was in active labor and his patience was short.

“Yes, Eddie! I’m sure,” Buck snapped, already moving into a new contraction. “I don’t need to push now, but my contractions are getting closer and this is happening!”

“OK I’ll get what you need,” Eddie finally said, paling in the face of Buck’s fury before swiftly hightailing it out of the living room.

The first person to rejoin Buck was Daniel, coming over and immediately helping Buck stand up when he raised his arms.

“Ella is on her way, but if you feel like you need to push, she doesn’t want you to wait.”

Buck nodded, only able to hum as he swayed through the contractions. “Soon, it’s gonna be really soon,” he gasped when the contraction finished.

“Buck, Dad told me to bring you some stuff,” Chris called as he carefully walked in, holding a pile of towels and an oversized button up folded on top.

“Thanks, Superman,” Buck gasped. Daniel immediately helped Buck take off his t-shirt and slip on the button up, slipping his wet sweats and boxers off under the hem of the shirt. Once he was dressed, Daniel cleaned up the area where Buck’s water broke while Back had Chris help him lay one of the older towels down where he planned to give birth. It was a messy process after all.

“Well, Chris, are you ready to finally be a big brother?” Eddie asked as he came in with Buck’s squat bar set to just the right height for Buck to hang from it as he pushed.

“Is the baby coming now?” the boy gasped.

“Real soon, buddy,” Buck promised as Eddie left to go grab the medical instruments Daniel had sterilized that morning, Daniel following him to boil some water.

It was about twenty minutes after his water broke that Buck began pushing, hanging from the bar and letting gravity assist him. Whether it was that, or the fact that Buck kept up with his exercise regimen or he was just lucky, it seemed like no time before the baby was crowning and Eddie was calling Christopher over to help guide the baby out of Buck’s body and into his arms.

Arms that felt like they were made just to hold his son, Buck decided as he looked down at the bright red, squalling little human covered in blood and vernix. One second, this tiny human was inside his body. Then Buck blinked and Christopher was handing him the baby he had longed for.

“You’re here! You’re finally here, little guy,” Buck cried as Daniel guided him to sit down on the towels. “I’ve waited so long to meet you.”

There wasn’t a dry eye in the room as Buck just stared at his baby, Eddie sitting on one side of Buck, Chris on the other. Later Buck would learn that Daniel photographed everything, getting amazing images of Chris seeing and holding his little brother for the first time. The best photo in Buck’s opinion was one of him and the Diazes sitting side by side, staring at the baby still attached by his umbilical cord to the father who had carried and birthed him. Eventually Eddie clamped and cut the cord and they carefully moved Buck to the couch after delivering the afterbirth. Layers of towels underneath him to protect the couch of course.

“Final measurements are seven pounds ten ounces and nineteen inches long,” Daniel announced as he handed the baby back to Buck after measuring, weighing, and cleaning him off.

“I k-kinda wanna see if I can nurse him,” Buck whispered, not wanting to disturb the baby.

“It’s worth trying. It might not happen right away though,” Daniel reminded him. “And if it makes you feel dysphoric or he doesn’t like it, then that’s ok too. We have formula we can make for him.”

“I wanna try!” Buck firmly decided, shifting his son so he could unbutton his shirt and expose his chest. Buck was just bringing the newborn to his nipple when a loud knock sounded before the front door opened.

“Midwife!” a new voice called.

“Living room,” Eddie called back, Ella appearing in the door a minute later.

“I’m not even shocked,” she laughed gleefully. “Daniel warned me when your water broke that you felt everything would move quickly.”

“I started pushing roughly twenty minutes after my water broke,” Buck explained, shifting to try and get the baby to latch. It took a minute, but eventually Buck felt it as the baby latched and started to nurse.

“Good job!” Ella praised as Buck sighed in relief, melting into the back of the couch.

“I didn’t realize how much my chest was aching so much until he latched on and my milk started flowing,” Buck told his midwife as he watched her snap on gloves.

“I’m pretty sure you’ve had way worse pain to deal with. I’m just going to take a look at you, make sure nothing tore, and then I’ll give you a fundal massage. Those are super fun. After little guy is done eating I’ll take a look at him.”

Buck was definitely feeling the pain of giving birth and his legs were shaky and weak, so Daniel and Eddie had to help him spread them for Ella to work. And work she did, spending only as much time as she needed examining Buck’s lower half to make sure that everything was intact before massaging his stomach. If the pain of labor didn’t make Buck think twice about having another child, learning that he would need to get more of these painful ‘massages’ to make sure his uterus went back to its normal size and prevent Buck from hemorrhaging did. The baby disengaged from Buck’s chest while Ella made sure the placenta Daniel had delivered was intact and prepared it for disposal. Carefully following Ella’s instructions, Buck brought him up to his shoulder and took a deep breath before starting to burp the baby for the first time.

“Now it won’t sound like if you or I burp,” she warned. “It will probably feel or sound like a small hiss or a woosh.”

“I don’t want to hurt him,” Buck told her, his nerves making his voice shake.

“Trust me, little guy is way stronger than that. And for right now you’re essentially just rubbing his back or his belly.”

It didn’t take more than thirty seconds for Buck to hear the hiss Ella told him about, prompting him to bring the baby down to the other side of his chest to continue nursing.

“How are you feeling mentally?” Eddie asked as he sat next to Buck.

“You know I thought I would feel dysphoric about nursing, but I actually feel really powerful. Being able to make food for and feed my baby with my own body. I felt more dysphoric about everyone wanting to reach over and feel my belly. Maybe because a lot of them mentioned my ‘glow?’”

“Hey, I’ve actually seen a case of a patient’s husband, who was a cis male, lactating. So you know, it’s rare but it’s not something only women can do. But if your comfort with nursing changes, or you feel depressed let someone know,” Ella warned. “It’s normal for the first few days, feeling like your body isn’t your own or general depression. A lot of people call it the baby blues. You’ve just been through a huge thing and your hormones are still changing. But if it sticks around, it could be a sign of postpartum depression.”

“We’ll keep an eye on him,” Daniel promised.

“For a more pleasant thought, I have a birth certificate with me to fill out, but we need to know little guys name.”

“Isaac. His name is Isaac Claron Buckley-Diaz,” Buck announced, looking down at Isaac.

“Isaac, one who laughs,” Ella recited as she carefully filled in the name.

“Joy and laughter can be hard to find these days. Figured making it part of his name couldn’t hurt.”

Ella filled out the rest of the birth certificate, examined Isaac, and then encouraged Buck to hand Isaac to Eddie while she helped him shower. When he was him he clean (and Ella had helped him into a pad the size of an adult diaper that made Buck feel more dysphoric than birth or people touching his belly), Buck immediately made his way to his bed, wanting nothing but his baby and a nap.

“Knock knock!” Shannon called from the doorway, Eddie right behind her. “How do you feel? Death warmed over or like you got run over by a semi?” she joked, sitting next to him white Eddie handed Isaac back over.

“Mmm, probably somewhere in between,” Buck decided. ”I wanted to ask you guys something. How did you decide to baptize Chris and who his godparents would be?”

“My parents insisted on it. We mostly baptized him just to keep the peace. We chose my cousin Javier and Shannon’s cousin Moira for his godparents pretty randomly. We were trying to not upset anyone,” Eddie explained as Buck just cuddled Isaac.

“I didn’t grow up Catholic the way Eddie did. It was mostly only major holidays that were observed, but it made my mom happy. Are you planning to baptize Isaac?”

“No, I want him to choose his own religion, if he even connects with one. But I want him to have godparents, even unofficial ones. Just other adults he can turn to and trust since our relationships with our own families are so complicated.”

“This is the first time you’ve mentioned it. Did you have specific people in mind?” Eddie asked, open to the idea and Buck’s reasoning.”

“I’ve been thinking about it since Maddie and Chim missed the gender reveal. I was thinking of Captain Mehta and Marjan. We can never repay Mehta for the risk he took and Marjan has been a huge support for me.”

“I think they’ll be honored,” Eddie agreed.

 

CHAPTER TEN

Buck had barely fallen asleep after eating the chicken pot pie that Shannon had brought and feeding Isaac again when banging on the door woke him up. As groggy as Buck felt, he shook it off to grab Isaac from the Moses basket in the middle of the bed and hold him close to protect him. Protect him from what, Buck didn’t know. But he could hear raised voices and he had a new baby, so Buck was on alert.

“Buck, this is Officer Garfield and Nora Jones from CPS. They recieved a report about the sexual abuse of a minor in the house,” Eddie told him as he led two people wearing masks into Buck’s bedroom. A man, maybe their age, but smaller than them and a woman who looked old enough to be Buck’s mother.

“What do you mean? Sexual abuse of a minor? And who would even make such a report?” Buck growled. Isaac whimpered and squirmed in Bucks arms, sensing the tension running through

his father. Buck rocked him and cooed, trying to soothe the newborn.

“They can’t tell us who made the report, but my guess is that it’s about Chris helping with Isaac’s birth.”

“The report was about a ten-year-old boy being forced to touch the genitals of an adult woman,” Ms. Jones confirmed.

“Several months ago, two nurses threatened to abuse their duties as mandatory reporters to bring DCFS down on me for daring to be a trans man having a baby. I didn’t feel safe delivering in a hospital because of it,” Buck told their two uninvited guests. “Then one of the things we realized was that giving birth at home meant Chris, Eddie’s older son could be there when his brother was born. In fact, Chris specifically asked his mother if he could be there.”

“Shannon, my ex-wife brought Chris’ request to us and Buck remembered seeing some pre-Covid reports and photos of older siblings helping deliver their new siblings. He looked them up and saw a lot of them were sets of half-siblings and thought it would help cement for Chris that he wasn’t being replaced. The three of us talked about it together, then we talked to Chris’ therapist, then Buck’s midwife, and had multiple conversations with Chris himself before we agreed to leave the choice up to Chris,” Eddie continued.

“So you’re saying Christopher was a willing participant in this birth?”

“Yes. My brother was even taking pictures and you can see how excited Chris was.”

“We also have reports that Christopher has cerebral palsy and isn’t as capable as other children and may have endangered another child.”

“Chris has CP, yes, but he is just as capable as other children. He just needs to make a few adjustments sometimes,” Eddie ground out through his clenched teeth. “And if you’re implying Chris might have dropped Isaac, my hands were under his the whole time, guiding him.”

“You understand we have to take the report of sexual abuse against a disabled child seriously, especially when it comes from a mandatory reporter?” Ms. Jones questioned from Buck’s desk where she had sat to take notes on what they told her.

“Manda- Ana! “Buck growled. “I swear to God Eddie, if your girlfriend did this, I will be seriously reconsidering co-parenting with you. As it is, I don’t want her anywhere near my baby!”

“Isaac is our baby. And we don’t know it was her, Buck,” Eddie tried to weakly defend his girlfriend.

“This wouldn’t be the first time she made ableist comments about Chris, she was upset that you canceled plans with her because I went into labor, and she’s a mandatory reporter,” Buck listed. “Only six people know that we were including Chris in the birth. Me, you, Shannon, Daniel, Dr. Lim, and Ella. Since we were all in agreement about it, none of us made that report.”

“I can’t tell you who made the report. But it does appear to have been made by someone without all of the information they needed about the event,” Ms. Jones offered. “We need to do an investigation and interview Christopher but for now we won’t be removing him from your home since he doesn’t appear to be in imminent danger.”

“How long will all of that take?” Eddie nervously asked shifting on his feet standing protectively by Isaac and Buck. “Anywhere from a few days to a few weeks.”

Two days later, Buck was now certain that the investigation would take weeks. But on the bright side, Marjan finally arrived and was overjoyed to be an honorary godmother. And was promptly welcomed to LA with a citywide blackout that called all firefighters to their stations, including Eddie and Marjan, who volunteered (with Buck’s blessing and thanks) when they realized the serious need for first responders.

Meanwhile, Buck, Shannon, and the kids hunkered down on the first floor of the house, making use of the emergency generator. Daniel went to work, assisting wherever he could with heatstroke victims and general patient care since elective surgery procedures were canceled. Buck had tried to get Maddie and Jee to join them, but she insisted they were fine.

It was on day five that Shannon made use of the boys sleeping to check in with Buck about the DCFS investigation.

“Ana admitted that she made the report when Eddie asked her,” Buck told the woman who was quickly giving Eddie competition for the position of Buck’s best friend. “She came over since Eddie was ignoring her texts. Apparently she was planning to take Chris suit shopping herself, get him out of the house while I labored. She came in as Eddie was guiding Chris’ hands to feel Isaac’s head.”

“And called DCFS on you guys because of it?”

“According to Ana, she panicked and just reacted. Said it looked like Eddie was forcing Chris to do something he didn’t want to do.”

“Please tell me Eddie broke up with her,” Shannon begged.

“He did. Said he needed to focus on us, not building an instant family with her. Especially when he didn’t trust Ana to see possibilities, not limits, when it came to Chris.”

“Yeah, because that’s a bigger reason to break up with her than her almost getting your baby taken away from you. Well, good riddance. I never liked that bitch,” Shannon grumbled before getting up to get them more water.

Buck was more than ready to change the subject and decided to ask Shannon one of the dozens of questions he had for her about newborns. “Hey, did Chris have a ton of hair when he was born? Eddie couldn’t remember and I’m curious since Isaac has like, none.”

Shannon gave a full belly laugh as she handed Buck a fresh bottle of water, then looked toward the baby monitor to make sure she hadn’t woken Chris and Isaac up. “He had a bunch of really pale blond hair, but he lost it pretty quickly. Since Helena really tried to hog Chris before Eddie’s leave ended, and he has a hat in all of his baby photos, I’m not surprised Eddie couldn’t remember.”

“One positive of this black out is that it’s keeping Helena at bay,” Buck chuckled. “I can’t handle the dysphoria of being postpartum, a new baby, and Eddie’s mother.”

“Yeah,” Shannon agreed, seeming far away as she stared into space. “There’s a reason the postpartum period is called the fourth trimester.”

“You okay?”

“Just thinking. Remembering. Can I ask your opinion on something?” she asked as she turned to face Buck on the couch.

“I’m all ears,” Buck promised.

“Do you think I would be a good midwife?”

“Yes,” Buck answered without hesitation. “You’re compassionate, unafraid to stand up for people putting their mental health first, and honestly I don’t think I would have made it through this pregnancy without you. I felt horrible for complaining about my pregnancy symptoms when I purposely put myself in that position, but you made me realize it didn’t make me a bad parent or love Isaac any less. It just made me honest about how I felt at the time. Which was important because I didn’t write off symptoms that might be a sign of serious problems as just part of the process.”

“Pregnancy is beautiful and amazing. But that doesn’t mean you always have to be some zen, peaceful picture of maternity, or paternity in your case.”

Buck sipped his water and shifted the heat pack on his lower stomach. It had cooled significantly and Buck would need to reheat it soon. “Can I ask what made you think about becoming a midwife?”

Shannon was quiet for a moment, picking at some pilling on the back of the couch. “Your experience giving birth and mine were very different. And I don’t mean how Chris got stuck and Isaac seemed to just fall out of you. Helena just steam rolled the entire process and I had no one to advocate for me or listen to me about what I was feeling and my needs. The nurses kept forcing checks on me, Helena overrode my request for an epidural and the pain raised my blood pressure and exhausted me before I could even start pushing. Then by the time I was fully dilated and could push, I was literally forced to deliver on my back when I wanted to get on my hands and knees. Said it was what I would’ve needed to do if I gotten the epidural I wanted and everyone was so judgmental about it.

“When you decided to give birth here, in your own home, your doctor listened to you. She talked you through your options and found you a midwife she trusted. Ella was amazing, even when she missed the actual birth. The way she accommodated your desire to have her on the sidelines since you had medical professionals with you, the way she supported you wanting Chris involved in some form. I want to be someone else’s Ella. Prevent some other woman, or man, going through the birth trauma I had without even accounting for Chris’ CP and the guilt I carried over that for years.”

“I think if you go into it with that mindset, then you’ll make a fantastic midwife. You already have some medical training yourself, right? You wanted to be a nurse before Chris was born, right?”

Shannon gave him a sad smile. “Yeah. I was going to school for a bachelor’s in nursing. But then I got pregnant and had to postpone a semester, which cost me my scholarship. Then Heleny had opinions on married mother’s working and Chris got his diagnosis, and Eddie’s helicopter got shot down, and my mom was sick and I was spiraling, so I just never went back.”

“I know it’s been a decade, but can you still use some of your credits?” Buck asked, rubbing at his pecs. He’d need to feed Isaac soon.

“Some of them, yeah. My core classes, some of the basics. I’ll need to redo some classes since practices have changed. I already applied to UCLA for the spring semester. Assuming this blackout ends by then, I have a meeting with Admissions next week.”

“Ella is supposed to be coming by to check on me and Isaac soon. Maybe she can give you some advice,” he suggested.

“I might just ask her if she has a minute to talk.”

“And anything you need, just ask. Even if it’s a place to stay so you can put rent toward classes, I know Daniel would be fine with it and I could talk Eddie around to it.”

“Thanks, but I’ve got that part covered. My mom left most of her estate to a medical trust for Chris, but she left me her house and I sold it. The money from that will cover my education 12 costs and I can keep working as a receptionist to cover my other bills.”

“You’ve got this!” Buck cheered. “When you graduate, we’re throwing you a party though.”

“Deal!” Shannon agreed with a giggle that turned into a full blown celebratory laugh filled with the joy of reclaiming a part of herself Shannon had thought long lost.

As their laughter died down, Buck’s phone buzzed with a text from Marjan. He groaned reading it, then decided to read it aloud when Shannon gave him a look. “It’s from Marjan. She says she was helping with distributing personal chargers when Chimney decided to show his ass. He knows she’s my friend and called her the power czar, told her to stop taking my orders and then tried to make her give him a charger without filling out a form. Said she could tell me I wouldn’t see Jee again if I didn’t stop micromanaging her and making up shit for her to do when I refused to even come in for the recall.”

“You literally gave birth barely a week ago. When the recall started it had only been three days. Your sister’s boyfriend can get over himself. And be nicer to someone using her vacation to help the LAFD out,” Shannon grumbled, holding her hand out for the heat pack. “I’ll grab Isaac when he wakes up. Think you can do the whole feed nursing or do you want a bottle to supplement the feed?”

“I gave him formula last feed, I think I can just nurse this time. And Marjan said she’s going to report Chimney.”

“Good for her,” Shannon muttered as she headed to the kitchen to pop the heat pack in the microwave, detouring to the spare room to grab Isaac when she heard him fussing.

Buck was just getting Isaac settled along his bare chest for a feed and some skin time when someone knocked at the front door.

“Were you expecting anyone?” Shannon asked as she moved to answer the door.

“No,” Buck murmured, concerned about who would be out during a total blackout.

To say that Buck was surprised to see Maddie and Jee was an understatement.

“Maddie? Is everything ok?” Buck asked, not getting up to greet her ‘properly’ so that Isaac wouldn’t be disturbed, but certainly sitting up a little straighter. Everything had seemed like it was getting better between them before Jee-Yun was born. They went to a few therapy sessions together with Daniel and Maddie admitted that she was jealous of their closeness. She told them about how before Daniel got sick and Buck was born it was her and Daniel against the world. Then Buck saved Daniel and they were obsessed with each other, but at least Maddie and Buck had being sisters to bond them. And then Buck transitioned and Maddie admitted it felt a little like Buck had killed the sister she always wanted, that Maddie always hoped she would bond with once Buck was older and she would come to Maddie for girl advice.

At the time, Maddie’s admissions had seemed like a huge step toward reconciliation. But then Jee was born and things almost instantly changed. Maddie pulled away from her brothers, snapped at Buck for not postponing his gender reveal when she was too tired to take part, panicked about Buck’s choice to have a home birth, convinced that something would go horribly wrong, then cried about missing Isaac’s birth after Buck and Eddie sent out notifications about the baby’s arrival. Chimney had not been helping, enforcing Maddie’s no-contact boundaries zealously unless she initiated it. When Buck or anyone else on their shift offered to come over and help or babysit so the new parents could get a break, he insisted they were fine and that nothing was wrong, Maddie was rocking being a mom.

“Jee and I were out running errands and we decided to stop in and meet Isaac!” Maddie practically chirped. Something wasn’t right with her though. Maddie’s words were innocent, her tone upbeat. But her hair was limp and slightly greasy, there were bags under her eyes that spoke of an exhaustion even deeper than simply caring for an infant alone for a few days, and her eyes kept shifting around.

“I didn’t know that anywhere was open with this blackout. I figured stores closed after day one,” Buck commented as evenly as possible.

“Oh, you know, we just needed to get out of the apartment,” Maddie tried to correct herself. “It was starting to get a little stuffy, just the two of us in there for days.”

“Well, I can’t wait to introduce you to your nephew, but I need to feed him right now. Once he’s done nursing you can hold him,” Buck promised Maddie, looking down to check that Isaac was properly latched.

“You’re breastfeeding him?” Maddie could always be counted on to question and judge Buck and his choices.

“Please don’t call it that,” Buck flinched. “I hear it and I just associate it with women. I just call it nursing or chestfeeding.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to imply anything,” his older sister quickly apologized. “But I still can’t believe you’re nursing Isaac.”

“I mean, I’m producing milk. Maybe not enough to exclusively nurse, but enough to make trying worth it since the thought doesn’t make me feel instantly dysphoric,” Buck defended.

“It’s your choice, but I’m just worried about you. I don’t think you can take testosterone and br- nurse,” she quickly corrected. “And if you need to supplement with formula anyway, why not just use formula and bottle feed him?”

“Because I can do this and want to nurse my son, even if I need to put off going back on T for a few more months.”

Shannon walked around the couch from the direction of the kitchen, coming to stand near Maddie. “Here, Maddie, have some water,” the younger woman gently suggested. “Do you want me to take Jee for a bit so you two can talk in peace?”

“No!” Maddie nearly shouted, startling the babies. “I’m a good mother. I can take care of my child and hold a conversation at the same time.”

“No one is saying that you’re a bad mom, Mads,” Buck tried to calm her down and soothe Isaace simultaneously. Maddie tried to rock Jee, but didn’t take her out of the carseat she arrived in.

“You’ve been alone with an infant with no power during a heatwave. It’s okay to take a break and let someone watch your daughter for a few minutes so you can have a conversation with your brother,” Shannon tried to explain to Maddie, carefully watching her but not approaching.

“I’ve got it!” Maddie snapped again, making Buck flinch and thus upsetting Isaac even more, the newborn feeling his father’s distress. “You’re doing it wrong! Let me take him!” Maddie growled, standing up to try and take Isaac straight out of Buck’s arms. Buck was quick to shift away from Maddie and so that Isaac was out of her reach and she only grabbed the light blanket that they used for feedings.

“Maddie, stop! You’re the one making everything worse! Back off and calm down!” Buck tried to order her, his own voice shaking.

Maddie ignored Buck and just kept ranting, saying uck couldn’t handle having a baby and he was making all the wrong choices, starting with having a baby while single. The longer she ranted, the more manic Maddie became and the more upset the infants got. Somehow, it only got worse from there.

Buck liked to combine feeding Isaac with skin-to-skin when he nursed, meaning the newborn was only in his diaper. His torso was on full display, so when buck shifted him to prevent Isaac from flailing out of his arms, the bruises that Ella had promised were perfectly normal from just being pressed down the birth canal were fully visible. The sight of the yellowing bruises was Maddie’s last straw.

“You’re hurting him!” she wailed. “I knew this was a terrible idea! You already have a history of depression and Mom had PPD after you were born so your chances were higher to get it and now you’re hurting your baby!”

“M-Maddie, ca-calm down,” Buck stuttered, carefully putting Isaac in his moses basket on the coffee table and stepping between his son and his sister. “I’m fine. Isaac is fine. No one is hurting him. But you are scaring him and you need to take some deep breaths.”

Maddie resisted, acting like she didn’t even hear Buck speaking to her. Her only focus was on trying to get around her little brother to the baby. All the while screaming that Buck was a danger to Isaac and he was going to get him killed.

“Isaac almost drowned, Evan!” Maddie sobbed, hitting Buck’s chest as he tried to restrain her without hurting her. Maddie was so hysterical that she didn’t notice when Buck’s midwife arrived and took Jee-Yun out of the living room, just picking up her carseat and disappearing down the hall, Shannon right behind Ella on the phone to nine-one-one.

“No one was in danger of drowning, Maddie,” Buck tried to reason. But there was no reasoning with her. It took a paramedic from the One-Thirty-Three forcibly giving Maddie a sedative to calm her down. It only took seconds to take effect, Maddie all but collapsing in Buck’s arms when it did. The paramedics were equally as quick to carefully grab her and lay her on a gurney, strapping her down. The second his arms were free, Buck was shipping toward Isaac, bringing his distressed son to his chest to try and soothe them both.

“What happened here, Buckley?” Captain Mehta asked, approaching Buck with an unfamiliar police officer like one would a skittish animal.

“I-I don’t know. I was about to feed Isaac when my sister Maddie came by. She said she was running errands with my niece and decided to drop by. When I prodded for more information since everywhere is closed, she changed her story to needing to get out of their apartment. Then Maddie questioned my decision to nurse and when Shannon asked if Maddie wanted her to take Jee-Yun and give us a chance to talk, Maddie just lost it. Isaac and Jee got upset, and Maddie tried to take him since he could feel I was upset and that was feeding his own distress. She said I wasn’t calming him down right. Maddie was completely hysterical and then she saw some bruises from when Isaac was born and became completely irrational,” Buck explained, shaking as his adrenaline levels started to drop. “She said I was hurting Isaac and I was gonna kill him. I don’t know why, but she also said that Isaac almost drowned.”

“You said he has bruises from his birth?” the cop asked, taking notes about what Buck was saying.

“Yes,” Ella interrupted from the archway to the kitchen, now holding Jee and giving her a bottle with some of Isaac’s formula. Shannon walked around her to come sit across from Buck and Captain Mehta. “I’m Buck’s midwife. I arrived shortly after the birth and can assure you those are normal bruises from the trip down the birth canal.”

“And why do you think your sister had this reaction?”

“I think Maddie might have PPD,” Shannon whispered. “She was almost manic and, like Buck said earlier, completely irrational. But I recognized some of the things she was saying about Buck were thoughts I had about myself when my son Chris was a baby. It’s possible she was projecting those feelings about herself onto her brother.”

Captain Mehta looked concerned about that. “Do you know if she might be seeing anyone? A therapist or a psychologist?”

“Maddie hates therapy,” Buck told him, sitting back and grabbing Isaac’s blanket to try and feed him again now that they were both a little calmer. “I haven’t seen her since Jee-Yun was born. And when I tried to ask Chimney, her boyfriend, about her on shift, he just said that she’s a great mom and they have everything covered. They don’t need any help.”

“Chimney? As in Howard Han at the One-Eighteen?”

“Yes. He and Eddie are working the recall. I had Shannon and Ella, my midwife, has been stopping by to check on us, but I think Maddie has been alone,” Buck admitted, feeling guilty that he hadn’t been more insistent that Maddie and Jee come stay with them during the blackout.

“What you’ve told me, combined with paramedics needed to administer a sedative, I’m going to follow the paramedics to the ER and arrange for your sister to be admitted on psych hold,” the cop explained.

“I understand,” Buck sighed, shifting Isaac until he latched on again. He accepted the card the cop handed him and agreed to stop by in the next couple of days to complete his statement for the report.

“Before you go, Captain Mehta, there’s something I was hoping to talk to you about. I was going to ask Bobby to pass a message to you before the blackout. But if you can’t spare a minute, if not it can wait until after the recall is over.”

“Oh? Well now I’m curious,” Captain Mehta said before letting his crew know he needed a moment.

“Eddie and I chose the name Claron for Isaac’s middle name, it means clear or bright.”

Captain Mehta chuckled at that. “My name, Jashan, means the same thing.”

“I know,” Buck shyly admitted with a small smile. “That’s why we chose it. If you hadn’t grabbed Eddie risking your own life to do it, he never would have met Isaac. We kinda wanted to honor that. I was also hoping you would agree to be Isaac’s unofficial or honorary godfather. We’re not gonna baptize him, but I like the idea of Isaac having adult’s in his life that he can trust that aren’t related to him.”

Everytime before this that Buck had seen Captain Mehta, he was the epitome of the calm and collected fire captain. But now, there were tears in his eyes and a small smile on his face. “I’m touched, Buckley. But are you sure you don’t want to ask someone you’re closer to?”

“No. I love my crew, but things with them are complicated. I know we don’t know each other very well, but I would really like you to be my son’s godfather.”

“Then I would be honored, Buckley. And you’ll have to start calling me Jeshan.”

“Only if you call me Buck.”

Jeshan has to get back to the station, so they exchanged phone numbers and agreed for Jeshan and his wife Padma to come over and officially meet Isaac once everyone had a chance to recover from the blackout. Then, he and the remaining members of the One-Thirty-Three were gone and it was just Buck, Shannon, Ella, and the kids.

“I called Daniel. He’s on his way home. Should we call Chimney to tell him about Maddie and Jee? I don’t think he should find out from the hospital.”

“This Chimney does need to know what’s going on since his child is involved, but I’m not certain Buck should be the one to tell him,” Ella countered. “It doesn’t sound like you two get along too well.”

“I’ll call Bobby,” Buck decided after thinking over what both women said. “Chimney has never liked me very much, especially if he feels like I’m trying to interfere with his relationships. It got worse when he started dating Maddie and our personal and professional lives crossed. Chimney’s good at hiding it until I upset Maddie in some way.”

“I’ll grab your phone,” Shannon offered, jumping up to grab it from where it was charging in the kitchen, Ella taking her place and gently rocking Jee.

“I don’t have any other patients to see today, so do you mind if I stick around until you figure out what happens next?”

“I think Shannon and I would both like the company and the help now that we have two babies in our care.” Buck was honestly relieved by his midwife’s offer. He’d been terrified of how they would handle it, especially since he and Shannon had to focus on their own children’s needs and didn’t really know Jee-Yun.

Buck got lucky and Bobby’s phone was charged and the One-Eighteen A-shift weren’t out on a call. All of that could change though, so Buck kept the call short and to the point. When Bobby asked if he should release Eddie or Marjan with Chimney, Buck promised him that Daniel was coming home and Ella was staying for a bit to help with the kids, so they could handle everything. Buck also promised to reach out if anything changed.

It turned out the hardest part of caring for multiple children during a prolonged power outage wasn’t caring for the babies, it was entertaining Christopher in a way that didn’t require using the generator. They’d settled on cards, teaching Christopher to play gin rummy, when it happened.

The front door slammed open, so hard Buck could hear the dry break. The roared “BUCKLEY!” let him know that it was Chimney who had entered his home so violently.

“Where the hell do you get off claiming Maddie needs a psych hold?!” he screamed as he stomped into the living room, still in full uniform with his radio belt.

“We are not going through this twice,” Shannon growled, standing protectively in front of Buck. “Calm down or get out!”

“Oh, I’m leaving, but not without my daughter!” Chimney snapped back. “I need to go get Maddie out of this bullshit hold and I need Jee to prove that Maddie doesn’t need this because she’s a good mother!”

“No one is saying that Maddie isn’t a good mom, Chim. But she’s obviously sick,” Buck placated, trying to plead his viewpoint. Just like with Maddie earlier, Buck was getting the vibe that Chimney was a danger to his baby. Buck wanted Isaac far far away. “She was hysterical, screaming that I was a danger to Isaac and trying to take him. Just literally tried to rip him from my arms. Maddie wasn’t rational and she needed to be sedated by the paramedics.”

“You should have just given her the baby! Maddie is a great mom so if she was saying that you’re a bad parent, then she’s right! If anyone in this house needed a paramedic, it’s probably your son!” Chimney continued to rant, not even looking toward Jee and Ella.

“I called nine-one-one,” Shannon interrupted. “Maddie is ill. I can’t tell you for sure if she has PPD, but I had PPD and the things she was saying were things that I felt back then.”

“You had no right!” Chimney kept screaming, ignoring the way the babies were starting to wail louder and louder.

Things devolved from there, everything a blur as Buck and Shannon tried to protect the kids and reason with Chimney. Until suddenly Buck saw him pulling his arm back to punch either him or Shannon and then Daniel was jumping in front of them and taking the punch. Then the police and paramedics were there again and Chimney was being detained pending his own psychiatric evaluation. Buck’s family was never going to be the same again when everything was said and done.

 

EPILOGUE

Three Months

“Come on, Buck, this isn’t about you!” Eddie huffed once they got home from the Christmas party at the motel.

“Oh hell no!” Buck grit out, careful not to disturb Isaac where he was asleep in Buck’s arms. “Before Isaac was born I swore I wasn’t ever going to let you say that to me again! Because first of all, my feelings about the situation are valid! Having feelings about something that affects me in some way or another is not making it all about me! Second, like I said, this, you quitting your job, affects me!”

“How does me quitting my job so Chris doesn’t have to be afraid of me dying affect you, Buck?”

“Because Chris isn’t your only son! Isaac is your son too! Did you factor him into this impulsive decision of yours at all?!” Buck snapped, only holding himself back from stomping up the stairs because he had Isaac.

“Of course I was thinking about Isaac!”

“Oh? So you were thinking about how you’re going to support Isaac and Chris when you have no job? When we were coming up with our co-parenting plan, I offered to handle the brunt of Isaac’s financial needs since I know how expensive Chris’ medical care is. You insisted on sharing all of his expenses equally. And don’t say it’s because Isaac needs you to be safe, because he’s only three months old! He has no clue what’s going on!”

“I’ll find another job, Buck! It will be fine!” Eddie hissed, clearly uncomfortable with the flaws in his plan being pointed out.

“Doing what, Eds? The jobs you’re best qualified for are either just as dangerous as firefighting, or will take additional training and time before you can start!” Buck argued as he laid Isaac on his changing table, trying not to wake him while he got the infant ready for bed. “And we haven’t even gotten to the real reason that you quit your job. You didn’t quit because Chris was afraid, you quit because you’re afraid!”

“I’m not afraid of anything!”

“You almost died, Eddie! You were shot on American soil! If that didn’t scare you, then I’m not sure I want you around Isaac, because that kind of compartmentalization isn’t healthy.” Buck made sure Eddie was looking directly into his eyes when he said that, not wanting to leave it up to debate how serious he was at that moment.

“I can’t fall apart! I have a family to support!” Eddie argued.

“You want to support your family? Then set a good example for your sons. Do what I have been begging you to do for almost two years and go to fucking therapy. Take it seriously instead of whatever you did with Frank after you got shot. Hell, did you even go to therapy then like I asked you?! Or did you do the minimum the department required?

“I’m going back to work in the new year and I can financially handle caring for Isaac on my own for a bit, but only if you get some therapy. You have PTSD and mental health issues up the wazoo, Eddie, and you need help.”

“If I need help then it makes it easier for my parents to take Chris and Isaac,” Eddie softly admitted as he followed Buck into his room and watched the other man lay their son in his co-sleeper. Isaac still spent most nights sleeping in Buck’s room, only sleeping in Eddie’s room occasionally when Buck needed a full night of sleep.

Buck check that the baby monitor was turned on, grabbing the receiver at the last second before dragging Eddie down the stairs to the living room. Buck shoved his partner down on the couch, put the baby monitor on the coffee table, then plopped on the couch himself across from Eddie.

“Your parents can’t just take your kids. That’s called kidnapping and if they tried it with Isaac, I would kill them. And I’ve never been a violent person,” Buck slowly explained, almost like he was talking to an especially difficult victim who thought the first responders weren’t doing enough.

“No, but they could sue for custody and me going to therapy would give them ammunition to use against me,” Eddie countered, sounding more paranoid than Buck had ever heard him be before.

“Eddie, that’s bullshit. A, family court would find your willingness to get help for your mental health a good thing. B, you’re forgetting that your parents need to sue me and Shannon for custody too and we’ll fight like hell to keep the boys out of your parents hands. Hell, I can’t speak for Shannon, but if I think your parents are a danger to Isaac then I’m getting a restraining order against them.”

Eddie slowly blinked as he processed Buck’s words. “I’m not being rational right now, am I?”

“No. You’re paranoid, suffering from untreated PTSD, and being impulsive. You know, that thing everyone accuses me of being.” Eddie flinched at the accusation, knowing it wasn’t exactly untrue. “And since no one will call you out on it because you’re in crisis, I have to.”

“You’re right. I’m just reacting without thinking,” Eddie grumbled, running his hand roughly through his hair. “I need help.”

“And you have it. It’s what best friends are for. But you’re on your own when you. Tell Shannon about the job thing.”

Thirteen Months

“Hey, Connor, great to see you again. Thanks for agreeing to meet me here instead,” Buck greeted his former roommate as he parked Isaac’s stroller on one side of the patio table, sliding into the empty seat beside him. “This place is way more kid friendly. Hi, I’m Buck.”

“Kameron Jacobs, Connor’s wife.”

“It’s great to meet you. I’d introduce you to Isaac here, but my kid is pretty serious about his naps,” Buck laughed, grabbing his menu to look it over. “He’ll be up soon though, and then he’ll want all of the attention on him.”

“You’ve got a social butterfly on your hands?” Kameron asked, sounding a little wistful, maybe a little longing.

“More like high maintenance and demanding, at least according to my brother,” Buck jokes. “And he has his shy moments.”

“Is his mom working today?” Connor asks.

Buck tensed at the question. He was never happy to hear the M word in relation to his son. Buck had to remind himself that as far as Connor was aware, Buck was straight and single men don’t typically become dads on purpose. “No, his other dad is out with his older son and ex-wife for some family time.”

“I didn’t know you were gay,” Connor quickly stated, the words practically tripping out of his mouth before he course corrected himself. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”

Buck gave a full body laugh, glancing at Isaac to make sure he was still sleeping. “I get it, I was pretty open about my sex life when we were in the frat house and those hookups were all women. But I’m bi and Eddie, Isaac’s other dad, is straight. I wanted a baby and Eddie is my best friend, so he offered to help me with that process.”

“That was sweet of him. Now tell me more about this frat house,” Kameron giggled, giving Connor a raised eyebrow.

“It was not a frat house, it was a roomshare,” Connor corrected. “None of us were in college and we all had grown up jobs.”

“Eh. The grown up part is debatable. Especially with the parties you guys threw while I was on shift or trying to sleep for one,” Buck teased. The waitress interrupted them to get their orders and ask Kameron if she needed them to heat up a bottle for Isaac.

“No, he’s good, but thank you for the offer,” Buck told her, giving the young woman a bright grin, making her blush.

“Still got it?”

“Apparently ,considering I wasn’t even trying to flirt,” Buck sighed. “She might have been embarrassed about assuming Isaac was your son. I get that reaction a lot when I go out alone with my sister or with my friend Shannon.” They reminisced about the frat house a little more until Connor finally agreed to call it that.

“So, how did you two meet?” Buck asked about halfway through the meal, Isaac just starting to wake up and fuss.

“It was the classic boy approaches girl sitting alone at the bar,” Kameron told him with a wide smile, intently watching Buck prepare Isaac’s bottle and pull out some homemade baby food.

“We got married last year right before we moved into our house.”

“A wedding and a move? Sounds stressful,” Buck commented as he pulled Isaac into his lap to feed him. “But congrats! I’m happy for you, man.”

“Thanks, Buck. We’re really lucky to have found each other.” Now that Buck was paying a little more attention, Connor kept looking at Isaac and what Buck was doing with him too. Seems like both of them had a case of baby fever.

“Are you guys thinking about having kids?” he prompted, carefully alternating between spooning puréed sweet potatoes into Isaac’s mouth and bringing his sandwich up to his own.

“We started trying not long after the wedding, but it wasn’t happening. I spent so long praying I wouldn’t get pregnant and then when I was finally ready and it just wasn’t happening.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Buck told her, honestly sorry for her struggle, remembering his own negative pregnancy tests and how they made him feel.

“It’s my fault,” Connor suddenly blurted out. “It, uh, turns out I can’t have children.”

“Oh.”

“It’s part of why we asked you to lunch. We were hoping you would agree to help us and be our sperm donor,” Kameron explained, grabbing at Connor’s hand.

“Um. I-I think there’s b-been a misunder-understanding,” Buck stuttered. He put the spoon down and turned Isaac around to face the couple. “This is my son, Isaac. I pushed him out of my vagina,” Buck winced at the last word. It wasn’t his preferred way to refer to his genitalia, but cunt wasn’t typically an acceptable term in the United States. He only felt a little sorry for his blunt words when he heard someone at the table behind him choke.

“What do you mean?” Kameron asked, her face paling.

“I’m trans. I’m surprised Connor didn’t know, but I guess I just never told him and I know he never saw me naked.”

“Your hookups used to call you firehouse and I saw your bulge when you wore tight pants to go out,” Connor muttered.

“The bulge thing is because I use packers. But the firehouse thing is because that’s what I call my favorite strapon,” Buck explained.

“So you really can’t help us,” Kameron realized.

“No. And I’m really sorry about that. But I have some resources about IVF and using an anonymous donor if you want,” Buck offered. “I was going to go that route before Eddie offered to be my donor and I went with IUI.”

“We would appreciate that.”

“And I’m here if you ever need to talk. I know the struggle. Of not being able to conceive naturally or as easily as others.”

Buck was disappointed but unsurprised not to hear from the Jacobs’ again.

Twenty-One Months

This deep into the club, with the music and all of the conversations taking place, you couldn’t hear the storm outside. It was exactly what Buck needed and he was grateful that Paige and the Wilsons had dragged him out of the house to come with them.

But Hen and Karen had split off to dance with each other and Paige ran into an old friend, leaving Buck to nurse a beer all by himself.

“And what is an adorable man like you doing pouting by himself at a bar?” a masculine voice asked from Buck’s left, speaking up to be heard over the music.

“I’m not a big fan of storms so my friends took me out to distract me. And then they all promptly got distracted and split off to do their own things,” Buck answered and oh. Oh no. The guy he was talking to was hot. Older than Buck, maybe late thirties but no older than forty. He was about Buck’s height, possibly taller, with ice blue eyes and dark windswept hair. Buck wanted to climb in the man’s lap to lick the cleft in his chin. He hadn’t had sex in months and was horny as hell, sue him.

“Hmm. Well we can’t have that. I’m Tommy.”

“Evan.”

“Can I buy you a drink, Evan?”

“Only if you have one with me, Tommy.”

 

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