Reading Time: 146 Minutes

Title: Love Can Heal, Loving Can Mend Your Soul
Author: Bythia
Fandom: 9-1-1: Lone Star
Genre: Contemporary, Pre-Relationship, Romance
Relationship(s): Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Content Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Canon Typical Violence, Michelle Blake bashing, Discussion of Canon Addiction, Discussion of Canon Schizophrenia
Beta: starlitenite, librarycat9
Word Count: 123,500
Summary: On Iris’s birthday three years after she went missing, Carlos reaches the end of his rope with Michelle’s behavior. Complaining about it to a friend has much more far-reaching consequences than he could have anticipated.
Artist: librarycat9

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Chapter 16

Carlos watched the ambulance drive away with a deep frown. He was outside of the area he usually patrolled, but dispatch had sent him to this under pass when an attack on Michelle had been reported. They hadn’t known it was her at least, otherwise he would have needed to bring up this whole situation with dispatch again. Carlos had arrived a couple of minutes ahead of the paramedics, and Michelle had been unconscious the whole time.

He turned to the man who had stayed with Michelle and who had claimed to be the one to call 9-1-1. “Thank you for calling this in.”

The man nodded. “Michelle often comes here to help us. It’s only right to help her in turn.”

“Do you know who attacked her?” Carlos asked.

“He won’t be welcome here again. He tried to rob her last week, but she got him with pepper spray. We chased him off, and he’ll know better than to return here.”

Carlos blew out a breath. “And I guess you won’t tell me anything more about him, huh?”

The man shrugged. “He’ll be punished by not finding shelter with us again. And other places won’t give him shelter either once they learn what he did.”

“Alright.” Maybe whoever talked to Michelle would have better luck getting any information about him from her, or a Detective could come back to talk to the people here. “Would you tell me who provided first aid for Michelle, though? I would like to thank them. They might have very well saved her life.”

Michelle had a nasty bump on the head, but the more concerning injury had been a deep cut on her arm. The paramedics had commended the way that the cut had been dressed and not touched it at all, too concerned with the amount of blood Michelle had already lost. Despite the conflict between them Carlos was worried about her.

“The Doc,” the man said grinning. “The lady in the purple tent over there. She doesn’t like strangers, though. She always hides when someone from Sanctuary Hearts comes around.”

Carlos raised his brows. “The Doc?”

The man shrugged. “She knows a lot about medicine. Something she brought with her from her old life, I think. She helps whenever someone needs it, has never turned a patient away even if all she can give are warm words of support.”

“Would you convey my thanks to her?” Carlos asked with a smile.

The man stared at him for a long moment. “You could tell her yourself.”

“You just said she doesn’t like strangers.”

The man shrugged. “It’s not like a closed tent will stop you from talking to her.” Before Carlos could say anything else the man turned around and walked away.

Carlos shook his head with a sigh and turned to the Sanctuary Hearts van. The damage was minimal, only a broken window in the back, and the only supplies taken out of the van had been used to dress Michelle’s wound, at least that had been the statement made by several people around who had all left before Carlos had even had a chance to ask for their names.

They had also told Carlos that Michelle had interrupted the man trying to break into the van and tried to drive him away with pepper spray again. Her ploy of reaching for it had been intercepted by the man, though, and before anyone else had reached them the guy had attacked her with a pry bar and a knife, fleeing the scene when several people had come to Michelle’s aid.

“Officer?”

Carlos turned and eyed the two people approaching him skeptically. They were coming over from a car marked with the Sanctuary Hearts logo, and both looked deeply worried.

“Thank you for coming over so quickly,” Carlos said. When dispatch had ordered him to wait until the van could be picked up, they hadn’t been able to tell him how long it would take.

The man nodded. “Thank you for staying around. I’m Harold Smith, my colleague is Tessa Wagener. Do you know how Michelle is doing? The woman who called us was very tight-lipped.”

“A concussion probably and a nasty cut to the arm,” Carlos said. “She was unconscious when I arrived, and apparently for some time before that already. They are bringing her to Westpark right now. Why was she here alone?”

Wagener shrugged. “Sometimes we come out alone. Our work depends a great deal on the people here learning to trust us, Officer. That is more easily accomplished when they don’t think that trust isn’t returned.”

Carlos gritted his teeth but gave a curt nod. “As far as I was told nothing was stolen, but the woman who stopped the bleeding and dressed up the cut used some of your equipment for it. The paramedics said it might have saved Michelle’s life.”

Smith smiled sadly. “The Doc?”

Carlos raised his brows surprised. “The guy I talked to called her that, yeah. I was wondering if you’d leave me with some basic first aid supplies you think might be useful for her. I’ll reimburse you, of course, I can come over right after my shift. I would like to thank her in person with more than just empty words.”

Smith pursed his lips. “Why?”

“Michelle is my sister-in-law,” Carlos said. There might not be anything left of what he had thought to be friendship, but that didn’t mean he would suddenly stop worrying about her, especially in a situation like this.

“Oh,” Wagener said. “Iris’ husband?”

Carlos nodded. “My shift is over in a little less than two hours. I could be at your shelter an hour after that.”

“That won’t be necessary,” Smith said with a smile. “Donations are always welcome of course, but you won’t need to pay for a package for the Doc. I’ve left her similar gifts in the past, though I’ve never seen her.”

“I was told she doesn’t like strangers, but that I could talk to her through the tent.”

“Don’t be irritated if she doesn’t answer,” Smith said. “The gift will be appreciated nonetheless, and not just by her.”

Carlos nodded, and the small talk was thankfully kept short while Smith and Wagener packed a box full of essentials to take care of small wounds. When they left, Wagener took the van and Smith returned to the car they had come with. Carlos turned back to the camp, looking for the purple tent and ignoring the skeptical and mistrustful looks he was sent by most of the people in the camp.

The purple tent wasn’t far into the camp and the entrance was turned to the side. The flap was open, though, and Carlos approached slowly making sure the Doc would be able to see him long before he reached the tent. Despite that, he only got a good look at the woman inside the tent when he had nearly reached it and he froze mid-step, the box slipping out of his suddenly damp numb hands.

She looked up at him with a bright smile. “Carlos!”

Carlos couldn’t breathe as he stared at Iris. She looked gaunt and disheveled but was beaming up at him with more joy than he could comprehend. Carlos staggered forward two steps, nearly falling over the box he had dropped. Then his knees gave out and they hit the ground hard right in front of the purple tent.

Carlos sucked in a breath and choked out, “Iris.”

Iris chuckled. “I was waiting for you to visit me.”

“I thought you were dead.”

“Why should I be dead, silly?” Iris frowned and shook her head. “I have done everything they want, and they want me here. They don’t want me dead.”

Carlos swallowed. He didn’t know what to say to that, didn’t know what the right thing to do was. “May I hug you?” he asked instead, hoping that holding her in his arms might make all of this feel less surreal, less like a dream.

Iris laughed and opened her arms in invitation. Carlos crawled forward and pulled her into a tight hug, one arm curled around her waist, the other hand buried in her hair. He took a shaky breath when she wrapped her arms around him in return, and eventually he couldn’t hold back a sob anymore.

Iris awkwardly patted his back. “I was always here. You just needed to come by.”

Carlos swallowed and shrugged. In his head, he snapped back at her that he could have hardly known that, but he bit his tongue so the words wouldn’t come out, just in case the words made it past the lump in his throat. For a long time, he just clung to her, desperately trying to get a hold of the shaking that had overtaken his body. Eventually, he pulled back a little so that he could look at her and took a deep breath.

“Michelle doesn’t know you are here. And I know she comes by here often.”

Iris’ eyes grew wide and she whispered frantically, “You can’t tell her!”

“She misses you just as much as I do!”

Iris shook her head and turned half away from him. “She mustn’t know. They would punish her if she knew! Punish me, too! And you, if you told her.”

“She didn’t see you when you helped her earlier?” Carlos asked softly.

“She was unconscious. She could have helped herself otherwise.” Iris put one hand against his cheek. “You look sad.”

“I thought you were dead,” Carlos repeated, his voice breaking at the end. “I’m so happy to have found you, but I’m also … overwhelmed.”

Iris made a face halfway between a frown and a bemused smile. “Why’d you think that?”

“We found the wreck of a truck we thought you had been in.” Carlos wet his lips. “We found your bracelet in the cab.”

Iris bit her lip and pulled her hand back, wrapping her fingers around the wrist she used to wear the bracelet on. “I miss Dad. But they wouldn’t want me to have reminders of the past. You’ll keep it secure for me, yes?”

“Of course,” Carlos agreed hurriedly, even though he doubted forensics would give it back any time soon. “Do you remember the accident? Or the people in the car with you? Wade Caldwell?”

Iris flinched. She wrapped her arms around herself and turned away from him rocking forth and back slightly. “He was a bad man. I told him they would punish him, but he didn’t listen.”

“Did he hurt you?” Carlos asked, alarmed.

Iris shook her head but rubbed her arms in a way Carlos remembered very well as something she did when she tried to find a way to evade a topic. He swallowed, the next question already on his lips, but then decided to let it go. It would only agitate her to ask about it, and there wasn’t any use in learning what Caldwell had done. He was thankfully dead and would neither be a threat to her anymore nor could he still be punished for what he had already done.

“I’m glad you allowed me to find you,” Carlos said quietly.

Iris chuckled and turned to him again, reaching for his hand. “If they didn’t want you to find me, they wouldn’t have allowed it. I’m happy about it, too.”

Carlos bit his lip. “Yeah, okay.”

He didn’t know how to handle her strange fantasy of ‘them’, whoever this group in her head might be. Before Detective Washington had found the wreck and he had been convinced Iris was dead, he had tried to prepare himself for whatever mindset she would be in when they found her, but despite everything he had read, he felt completely unprepared.

They both flinched when his radio cracked and he grabbed it, hurriedly reassuring dispatch that he would be on call again shortly. He stared at Iris for a moment, who stared at him in turn, eyes wide.

“I guess I have to return to work.”

Carlos swallowed and turned his hand to lace his fingers with Iris’. The last thing he wanted was to leave Iris here, but he couldn’t imagine she would come with him without a lot of convincing, and forcing her was out of the question. He hadn’t ever regretted being on duty as much as he did right in this moment.

“Will you be here when I come back in a couple of hours?”

Iris laughed softly and squeezed his hand. “Of course. This is where I’m supposed to be. Of course, I’ll be here. And we can only hope they’ll let you see me again.”

Carlos cleared his throat. That had to be good enough. “I’ll be back right after my shift. I’m sorry I can’t stay longer.”

“I’ll always be happy for you to visit,” Iris promised.

Carlos smiled weakly and leaned forward to press a kiss against her forehead. “I haven’t changed my number. If there is anything you need, find a way to call me, okay?”

Iris nodded and then she prodded him out of the tent. Carlos left the camp with a heavy heart, turning back several times in the absurd desire to make sure that the purple tent hadn’t just suddenly vanished. He reported to dispatch that he had wrapped up the last of his questions at the homeless camp and was back on patrol as soon as he reached his car, but he took the first opportunity to pull over into a parking lot and take a moment to wrap his head around what had just happened.

After a moment Carlos pulled out his phone and called Tony. He needed to talk to someone, and there was definitely no one in Austin he felt he could talk to. The call was rejected, though, and a short message popped up on his screen that Tony would call back as soon as possible. Carlos cursed silently. He didn’t have time to wait before getting a grip on himself, and he didn’t think he could accomplish that without talking the whole situation out, as well as getting some kind of feedback for the plan that was slowly forming in his head. Next, Carlos dialed JJ’s number, and the call connected almost immediately.

“I found Iris,” Carlos blurted out before JJ could even so much as utter a greeting.

JJ was silent for a moment, then she said carefully, “I thought you already had.”

Carlos huffed. “I thought so, too. But she’s alive. I just found her in a homeless camp. She’s apparently been there all along.”

Again, JJ was silent for longer than Carlos felt comfortable with. “Let’s make a video call out of this, okay honey?”

Carlos blew out a breath. “Okay.” He hung up and accepted the incoming video call from JJ as soon as it showed up on his phone. “I didn’t imagine it!”

“No, I didn’t think you had. Are your hands shaking or are you driving?”

Carlos clenched his fingers around the phone, trying to stop them from shaking. “I’m not driving.”

“Can you put the phone down somewhere so that I can see you but you don’t have to hold it?” JJ asked softly.

Carlos glared at her, but he followed the instruction, balancing the phone on the steering wheel so that he would be in range of the camera. “She’s been hiding from Michelle. I mean, she says it’s ‘them’ who don’t want Michelle to see her, but that’s the same in the end, right?”

“It is,” JJ agreed. “Tell me how you found her.”

Carlos closed his eyes and recounted the call to the homeless camp and how he had found Iris. “I wish I could have kept her with me. I hate that I left her there. What if she isn’t there anymore when I go back?”

“Do you think she would have come with you if you’d asked her?”

Carlos shrugged. “I have no idea. I barely had any time to talk to her. She promised to still be there when I come back.” He looked at his watch. “Ninety minutes till the end of my shift.”

“Have you already talked to the Detective working on Iris’s case?”

Carlos shook his head. “No, and I won’t. At least not right now. Iris is … she is very set against Michelle knowing where she is. If I tell Detective Washington, she’ll inform Theresa and eventually Michelle when she’s doing better. I don’t know how long she’ll have to stay in the hospital, but probably overnight. I’ll go back after my shift, and I hope Iris will agree to come with me.”

“And where will you take her?” JJ asked softly.

“I’ve … had contacted two hospitals familiar with treating schizophrenia and other mental illnesses. I was preparing for when we found her, before we thought Iris was dead, I mean. I thought I’d call them and ask if they have a place for her if I bring her there.”

JJ sighed. “And if she doesn’t agree to stay there for any amount of time?”

“I’ll just try to convince her otherwise,” Carlos said darkly. “Even if it takes me days or weeks.”

“And will you keep this information from Detective Washington for that whole time?”

Carlos rolled his eyes. “I’ll ask for an appointment with her tomorrow, okay?”

JJ nodded with a smile. “Good. How are you?”

Carlos shrugged and dropped his head back against the seat. “I feel like I’m in a dream. I thought she was dead, JJ. I tried to … I mean, we still didn’t have the fucking DNA results back, but I kinda hoped it would come back with a match to her. And at the same time, I hoped it wouldn’t.”

“Now you can be sure without that test,” JJ said softly. “And you won’t need to keep wondering.”

Carlos huffed. “I will keep wondering. I don’t know why I didn’t even once think to check the homeless camps around town after I listened to the calls Tony and Detective Washington found!”

“Because it’s not as obvious as you might think right now,” JJ whispered. “From everything you and Tony have told us, I don’t know why you would have looked in those places. Hindsight is a terrible thing, you know? You did the best you could, you need to remember that.”

Carlos bit his lip. “Did I? Really?”

“Of course you did, honey.” JJ smiled softly. “What’s your plan for when your shift is over?”

“Going back to Iris and … I don’t know. Somehow talk her into seeing a doctor for me.”

“You need to go home first,” JJ said. “Call the hospital and ask them what kind of paperwork they need if you commit Iris. And also ask them for advice on how to approach Iris. You can admit her to the hospital for 72 hours against her will, but that will probably cost you her trust. Ask them what other options you have.”

Carlos blew out a breath. “See, that’s exactly the reason why I called you.”

JJ laughed. “I’m pretty sure you called Tony first. But I’m not sad about being your second choice.”

“I don’t know how I can go back to work,” Carlos muttered.

“The same way you always go back to work after a bad call,” JJ said. “You compartmentalize and put off dealing with it until you are on your own time. You said Iris has been in that camp the whole time?”

Carlos shrugged. “At least long enough to make a name for herself not only with the people living there but also with the people from Sanctuary Hearts. She is known as The Doc. She’s been helping the others there so much that the people of Sanctuary Hearts regularly leave supplies for her apparently. Even though none of them have ever seen her.”

“You told me once that being a doctor was everything Iris had ever wanted to be,” JJ said with a soft smile. “Looks like she is still living that dream, even if it’s in a very unconventional way.”

Carlos managed a weak smile in return.

“She has been there for a long time, and she has apparently managed to hide successfully from others. If she hadn’t wanted you to see her, she’d have managed to hide from you as well. I think that’s a good sign she’ll still be there when you go back.”

Carlos sighed. “Right.”

“And if she isn’t, you at least know where to look for her now.”

“I hate you,” Carlos muttered.

JJ laughed. “No, you don’t. Leave Tony a message that you’ll call him later so that he won’t try to call you back and interrupt you at a bad time. You should probably turn off your phone before you go back to Iris anyway. You have no idea what could set her off and make her suspicious of you. No matter if she is suffering from schizophrenia or something else, there is probably no logic to what she believes, and so you won’t be able to anticipate it.”

“Right, good idea,” Carlos agreed. “Half the time I didn’t know how to reply to the things she said.”

“Don’t try to argue with her about it or to try to convince her that it’s not true,” JJ said. “That will be something for her future doctors and therapists to accomplish. Just be there for her, show you support her, and care for her.”

Carlos rubbed his hand over his mouth and nodded.

***

In retrospect, Carlos wouldn’t be able to say how he managed to get through the rest of his shift without losing his mind. But somehow he survived it, and followed JJ’s advice to the letter, calling both hospitals about Iris and asking for all the advice he could get from the one that agreed to provide Iris a place if he brought her to them the same day.

He had all the paperwork the hospital would need in his car, and he was carrying a box full of Iris’ favorite pastries as he returned to the homeless camp. It was enough that she would be able to share it with several people if he needed to leave her there in the end. He hoped he wouldn’t have to, but the conversation with the nurse hadn’t left him very hopeful. She had tried to prepare him for the possibility that it might take weeks to convince Iris to leave the camp and seek help.

Carlos sighed in relief when he found the purple tent exactly where it had been earlier. The flap was still open and Iris was busy sorting through the contents of the box Carlos had brought her earlier. She hushed him without turning and continued to put away the bandages and other things in some boxes she had neatly stacked in the corner of her tent.

Carlos settled down in front of the tent, balancing the box of pastries on his knees, and watched Iris. He was content to just watch her for a moment, and he knew better than to interrupt her in a task she was so immersed in. Seeing her alive still felt like a distant dream, but he wasn’t quite so overwhelmed to see her anymore. It was especially comforting to see such familiar behavior in her.

It had to have been at least ten minutes before she turned around. At first, there was a little frown on her face, as if she was prepared to tell off whoever was sitting in front of her tent, but it turned into a bright smile as soon as she saw him.

“Carlos! You came back!”

“I promised, didn’t I?” He smiled and held up the box. “And I brought a gift.”

Iris’ eyes grew large, and she pulled the box from his hands. “Are these … Oh, they’re from Felipe!”

Carlos laughed. “Of course. I wouldn’t dare bring you pastries from anyone else!” He had been glad, though, that neither Felipe nor his wife Rosa had been there when he’d been in the shop, because even after three years they surely would’ve remembered Iris’ favorites and would have asked him questions he wouldn’t have been comfortable with.

“Oh!” Iris picked out a chocolate pastry filled with blueberries. She groaned and closed her eyes in bliss after taking the first bite. “Oh, this is great!”

Carlos chuckled. “I’m glad you approve. I brought enough that you can share. Only if you want to, of course.”

Iris looked at him wide-eyed and held the open box out to him.

“Thank you.” Carlos took one of the pastries for himself. “Though, I meant your friends here.”

Iris frowned a little bit and didn’t seem to be convinced of that at all, but she just shrugged in the end.

They managed to fall into an easy conversation, and for a little while Carlos even managed to forget where they were or that three terrible years lay between them now. She was happy to share her experiences of the last three years with him and Carlos was relieved to learn she wasn’t unhappy or suffering, even if he couldn’t imagine why she wasn’t either of those things in her current circumstances. It was only when he tried to ask about the accident, or Michelle, that Iris first grew quiet and then he got lost in the incoherent things she tried to explain to him.

In the end, Carlos spent nearly three hours catching up with Iris and he even managed to convince her to come with him to the hospital. Before they left, she handed out the pastries she hadn’t eaten to the people in the nearby tents, excitedly introducing Carlos to everyone they met. Carlos was pretty sure that only half of them shared her joy, but at least they all put on a happy face for her. It was clear that whatever kind of community the people here had created, Iris was an integral and much beloved part of it. That didn’t change Carlos’ mind, though, and he wanted to get Iris permanently out of here sooner rather than later.

When Iris had finally agreed to come to the hospital with him, it had initially only been for a regular check-up. In the end, Carlos and the doctor who handled Iris’ intake exam managed to convince her to agree to stay for two weeks, with the tentative goal of eventually convincing her to stay for long enough to help her sort out her life.

Somehow, Carlos found himself in front of the Strands’ house after leaving the clinic. He didn’t even know if TK was home, but he was the only one Carlos wanted to see at the moment. He was brimming with energy, and there wasn’t anyone but TK he wanted to share his joy over finding Iris with, at least for the moment.

He texted TK, first asking if he was home, then if Carlos could come by, both of which TK answered positively. Carlos didn’t have the patience to pretend he hadn’t asked while already sitting in front of the house, so he didn’t waste any time before leaving the car and ringing the bell.

TK was laughing as he opened the door. “You could have just rung the bell instead of texting first!”

Instead of a verbal answer, Carlos cradled TK’s face with his hands and pulled him into a heated kiss, pushing him back into the house at the same time.

TK chuckled and put his hands on Carlos’ waist. “Hey.”

“I found Iris,” Carlos blurted out when he pulled back.

TK’s eyes grew wide. “You mean…”

“I found her alive”, Carlos clarified. “She survived the accident and has been living in a homeless camp ever since. I found her there today. I spent most of my afternoon with her.”

“Wow,” TK whispered with a soft smile. “That’s fantastic!”

Carlos nodded and let TK prod him to one of the chairs by the kitchen island. The events of the afternoon and evening spilled out of him and TK listened attentively, nodding along silently without interrupting him even once.

“Have you already called Tony?” TK asked when Carlos fell silent.

Carlos blinked dumbfounded. “What?”

TK chuckled. “You mentioned that you texted Tony, promising to call him as soon as possible. And you also said you came here right from the hospital. So, it sounds like you still have to follow through on that promise.”

“Right.” Carlos blew out a breath. He had completely forgotten about that.

“Do that now,” TK said grinning. “He’ll probably be anxiously waiting to hear from you.”

“JJ will have already told him about Iris,” Carlos said.

TK huffed. “Yeah, but he won’t be waiting for news about Iris but to hear from his friend. If I was on the other side of the country and heard this news I’d be worried about you.”

Carlos groaned. “Right. Okay, yeah, you are right, of course.”

TK laughed and poked him lightly in the arm. “Call him. Do you want anything? Something to drink, a snack?”

“Some juice or tea would be nice, whatever you have,” Carlos said, smiling. “It’s too late for coffee, I guess. And I wouldn’t mind ordering in some dinner later. I’m not disrupting any plans with your dad, am I?”

TK huffed. “Dad is on a date, and if he knows what’s good for him he’ll heed my advice and go to her place for a hookup for a change.”

Carlos raised his brows.

“Honestly!” TK threw his arms in the air before he turned to start the kettle. “The other day I came down in the morning and found clear evidence that he hadn’t waited to take her up to his room. I shouldn’t need to sanitize the kitchen first thing in the morning before I dare make something to eat in here.”

Carlos couldn’t help but laugh.

“It’s not funny!” TK whined. “Three more weeks until I’m out of here, and then I won’t care much where he has sex with his dates. At least not as long as I’m not coming over for a visit.” He waved a hand at Carlos without turning to him. “You have a call to make!”

Carlos was still laughing when he pulled out his phone and dialed Tony’s number for a video call. The laughter had barely died down to a low chuckle when the call connected, and Tony raised his brows.

“I take it the rest of your day went fine,” Tony said in lieu of a greeting.

“Hey Tony,” TK called out over his shoulder. “Carlos is being mean and laughing at my pain of having to live with a father who hasn’t ever heard of boundaries!”

Tony grinned. “Hi TK. How is house hunting to get out of that situation going?”

TK abandoned the kettle and teapot to step up behind Carlos, wrapping one arm around Carlos’ shoulder while resting his chin on the other shoulder so that he was in range of the phone camera. “I’m moving in three weeks. I told you about that house share Judd introduced us to, right? I’ll have that room as soon as it’s free. Emiliano is moving out a day before I have a shift, so I’m moving in the day after that shift.”

Tony nodded. “Sounds good.”

“Everyone has already been voluntold to help,” Carlos said amused. “Not that anyone protested it.”

“Except for Dad, of course, but he’s been protesting it all along.” TK sighed. “But that’s not the reason for this call, so I’ll just return to making tea.”

Carlos just stared at his phone silently, lost for words, and finally Tony said, “You found Iris.”

Carlos grinned wide. “Yeah. And physically she’s doing very well, as far as I could see. I managed to convince her to go to a hospital. She agreed to stay for two weeks, but I talked with the doctor there and we agreed they’d try to convince her to stay for longer.”

“She might decide at any time to leave the hospital and return to where you found her,” Tony said carefully. “JJ said you believe she has been in the same place for the last three years, so whether you like it or not, she calls that place home now.”

Carlos sighed. “I know, I was warned about that. And I also … I saw today how well-liked she is there. Am I wrong to want to get her out of there? And to hope that they’ll have a treatment for her so that she can eventually return to a somewhat normal life?”

Tony smiled softly. “You aren’t wrong to feel how you feel. You just need to be prepared that it might not matter in the end. You can’t force her into treatment, not permanently at least.”

“I’ll cross that bridge if we ever come to it,” Carlos said darkly. “For now, Iris is in the hospital and I’ll just hope for the best.

“I’m very happy for you about this turn of events,” Tony said. “It’s not the kind of outcome I’d have ever expected, especially after Detective Washington found the car.”

“I have an appointment with her tomorrow,” Carlos said. “I’m not looking forward to Michelle and Theresa learning about it because … Iris made it very clear that she didn’t want to see Michelle. They won’t accept that.”

“The hospital shouldn’t let them in to see Iris if she doesn’t agree,” Tony said.

Carlos nodded slowly. “That’s what they told me as well. And they also won’t give any information about Iris to them either. I was questioned, though, about why I had all the paperwork to be Iris’ POA and medical proxy when we are married. I really thought she was paranoid when she made us fill out that paperwork when we were preparing for the divorce.” He made a face, feeling uneasy about his own choice of words.

“It will come in handy now,” Tony said darkly. “You expected her mother to sue you before, that just might take another turn now.”

“I’ll do everything in my power to make sure Iris won’t have to deal with them as long as she doesn’t want to,” Carlos said. “And even if she eventually wants to see them, I’ll make sure they can’t influence her in any way. I know some people will tell me I’m unfair and crazy because they’re her family, but … I’m convinced neither of them really cares about what Iris wants. I think Michelle could have been an ally for Iris against their mother three years ago, but not anymore.”

“No, I agree,” Tony said.

“I’m so excited and happy to have found her,” Carlos whispered. “And overwhelmed. I’d have loved to just keep hugging her the whole time I was with her. Leaving her at first when I was still on shift and had to return to work was the hardest fucking thing I’ve done in the last two years. But I also dread letting anyone else know.”

Carlos flinched minutely when TK stepped up behind him again and put a hand on his shoulder while placing a cup on the counter beside his arms. He leaned back against TK, thankful for the warmth and the silent support.

“Honestly, if I could I’d be content keeping my joy to myself and not tell anyone else I haven’t already told,” Carlos continued. “Which is practically only you, JJ, and TK because I don’t count the staff at the hospital.”

Tony raised his brows and turned his gaze from Carlos to TK for a moment before he shook his head. “I’m glad you know that’s not possible. Detective Washington wouldn’t be happy with you about that. Let her tell Iris’ sister and mother about it, though. There is no reason for you to have any contact with them if you can avoid it.”

Carlos huffed. “I’m happy not to see either of them for a while. I don’t think I’ll be that lucky, though. Do you think I should call Dustin? Or should I leave that to Detective Washington as well?”

Tony shrugged. “I really have no idea what your relationship with Dustin is. You’ll have to decide if you think it’s important that he learns about it from a friendly face or from the police. Or rather, from his lawyer. Because Detective Washington won’t be able to reach out to him herself.”

“Right,” Carlos muttered and decided that he needed to try to talk with Dustin right after he had been to see Detective Washington. He felt he owed it to Dustin to tell him the news in person instead of letting him learn about it through his lawyer. Or even worse, through Michelle or Theresa accosting him again. Who knew how they would twist their accusations around now that they couldn’t call him a murderer anymore.

“I’m glad you aren’t alone,” Tony said. “I’ll try to come by for a short visit soon so that we can catch up in person.”

Carlos chuckled. “I’m always happy about a visit, but you really don’t have to. Maybe I can come by for a weekend, though. Getting out of town for a couple of days so I don’t have to worry about Michelle accosting me again for a little while. Do you want to bet how long it will take her to confront me after she learns Iris is alive?”

“No bets,” Tony muttered darkly. “You have a lawyer, right?”

Carlos laughed. “Yeah, I have one. You don’t need to send someone my way like you did for Dustin. I guess I should also call her office tomorrow to warn her about this change.”

Tony grinned. “Good idea. I see you have everything under control. I’ll leave you two to your evening. But you should know that JJ expects another call in a couple of days.”

“I’ll call,” Carlos promised. He would also send her a small gift basket for talking him through the haze of his confusion and turmoil earlier and for providing him with a plan about how to handle the situation.

 

Chapter 17

TK was sitting on the couch, a forgotten bowl of granola in his lap, Buttercup lying at his feet dozing, and staring tiredly out the window when Owen came down the next morning. He didn’t know exactly when his father had come home, he had honestly only noticed it after he had sent Carlos on his way after a much too early morning.

TK could have gone back to bed after Carlos had left early enough to make a detour to his house for a shower and a change of clothes before he met with Detective Washington, but he hadn’t felt like returning there on his own. He tried desperately not to think about what it meant that his bed had felt empty and cold without Carlos. They had an agreement and TK was determined to hold to it.

“You could have just told me you were expecting a date yourself instead of making all this fuss about my date,” Owen said chuckling when he came into the room.

TK rolled his eyes and turned so that he could glare at his father. “I will never let you forget about having sex in the kitchen you share with me!”

“We didn’t have sex here!” Owen protested outraged.

“Right, that’s why I found her bra beside the kitchen island.”

Buttercup raised his head and huffed. TK bit his lip so that he wouldn’t laugh about the dog’s antics. He had clearly heard the annoyance in TK’s voice and reacted to that. It was ridiculous how much of a crush his father’s dog had on him, and for right now TK tried to mostly ignore Buttercup. He could admit at least to himself—he would never admit it to anyone else—that his first reaction to Owen showing up with a dog suffering from the same cancer he was suffering from had been immature. But that didn’t mean he was any more comfortable with the whole situation just because he had voiced how he felt to his father. TK really didn’t want to lose his heart to Buttercup only to have the dog die, but Buttercup wasn’t concerned with that at all.

Owen sighed deeply but changed the topic. “So, are you dating that cop? Is that the reason he’s been hanging out with the team so much?”

“We aren’t dating,” TK muttered with a frown. “I’m really not ready to date again after Alex. And the reason Carlos is part of team bonding activities is that he is good friends with Paul and Mateo, too. While all of us helped Mateo study for his exam, Carlos did a great deal to help Mateo cope with his anxiety.”

“You’re sleeping with him.”

TK shrugged, not bothering to correct his father about his clear assumptions about last night. While Carlos had been especially tactile the whole evening and night following the revelations of the last day, there hadn’t been even a hint of anything sexual in it. Not even in the very enthusiastic kiss he had greeted TK with at the beginning. It had been clear to TK from the start that it had just been a way for Carlos to share his overwhelming joy. TK was happy he’d been able to provide whatever Carlos had been looking for in coming here, even though he still didn’t really know what it had been.

“Mixing friendship and sex is not advisable in my experience,” Owen said with raised brows.

“I’m perfectly able to manage my own relationships, you know, Dad?” TK said darkly.

Owen sighed. “Is this going to end in a fight again?”

“I don’t know.” TK stood and placed the bowl, still half full, beside the sink before sitting down on one of the stools by the kitchen island. He folded his arms and braced them on the counter, watching Owen intently. “Maybe we should just finally have a very thorough discussion about all of this.”

“You have already made all kinds of important decisions without me,” Owen said darkly, turning away to handle the coffee maker. “Now you suddenly want to change that?”

TK sighed deeply. “I don’t want to rehash those decisions you think weren’t mine to make all along. I want to talk about the fact that you think I should consult you about everything I do. I don’t want to go on arguing with you, Dad.”

Owen huffed.

“We’ve either been arguing or not talking at all since you learned about my plans to move out,” TK said lowly. “At least when we’re home. That’s not the kind of relationship I want to have with you. I honestly thought, and hoped, that moving to a new place together would make our relationship more like what I always wanted it to be instead of pushing us even farther apart.”

Owen turned to him, his head cocked to the side with a deep frown. “What do you mean?”

TK raised his brows and watched his father exasperatedly. “Come on, Dad. You can’t pretend we have any kind of normal father-son relationship.”

Owen frowned. “Of course we do!”

TK rolled his eyes. “Really? I know you didn’t have any contact with your own father after you and Grandma moved to New York when you were fifteen, but you can’t believe the kind of non-relationship we had while I was growing up is normal. I barely knew anything about you until I joined the FDNY. We barely saw each other once you moved out except for when I came by to hang out at the 252.”

“That’s not fair, TK. I…”

TK raised his hand. “I’m not trying to attack you, okay? I’m just telling you what it felt like to me growing up. I’ve been … I had a lot of complicated emotions regarding you when I was a teenager, but I got over that. I worked hard on getting over that. And I became a firefighter because I thought it was the only way to find any kind of real connection to you.”

“We have a real connection!” Owen protested hotly. “I don’t know where all of this is coming from, or why you suddenly think I’m a bad father. I’ve always tried to be there for you, despite Gwyn and I splitting up, and despite everything else going on. And I’m here for you now! I…”

“There was a time when I really wished you’d died with everyone else in the towers,” TK said, schooling his face into a blank mask.

Owen turned to him, pale and his mouth hanging open. “What?” he whispered.

TK sucked in a breath and shook his head, fighting back his tears. “I felt I lost you just as much as anyone else had lost their fathers. But you were still there, and I never felt I had any right to mourn you, to mourn the father I’d lost that day. Because you were running around the city, dedicating all your time to everyone but me. I was jealous and angry at everyone when I was seven and eight and nine and ten.”

Buttercup whined and rested his head on TK’s leg. TK bit his lip and grabbed a fistful of the dark fur. “All the other children were able to mourn their fathers openly and remember their love and their sacrifice for the city every year when the whole city—the whole country even— remembered them. I never felt I was allowed that because you were still there. And at the same time, you weren’t.”

TK rubbed his free hand over his face. “I’m sorry, I never wanted to tell you that.”

Owen came around the kitchen island and sat down right beside TK, facing him full-on. “I never knew,” he whispered.

TK shrugged. “As I said, I never wanted to tell you. It’s not … a burden you should have to deal with. I know it’s not fair to you, okay? I loved everyone we lost that day because you loved them, and as far as I could remember they had always been there. I mourned them just as much as I … wished I was allowed to mourn you. I understood how much you lost even back then. There’s a reason Mom and Enzo sent me to therapy when I was in middle school.”

Owen swallowed and reached out a hand but hesitated just short of grabbing TK’s hand. “I don’t know what … I’m so sorry.”

“I lost a big part of you on that day,” TK said quietly. “And I have accepted that a long time ago. But you trying to rewrite our history sucks, Dad. I know how much you hate to hear it, but it is my reality that Enzo was in many aspects more of a father figure to me than you.” Owen flinched and TK reached out to take his hand. “I could rely on Enzo to be there when I needed him. You lost that ability after 9/11. You were there for everyone else, and you forgot that you had a wife and a son who needed you, too.”

“That’s never what I wanted,” Owen said quietly, a deep frown on his face. He was still pale and the hand TK was holding shook slightly. “I never wanted you to feel that way. I just didn’t want you to see how much I was falling apart every day. And everyone else seemed to need me so much more. I was still there, you still had me in your life. Everyone else had just … lost so much.”

TK sighed. “I know. And despite those other very conflicting emotions, I was also proud of you. I’m not angry at you anymore, and I’m honestly glad that the little bit of contact we had was always too precious for me to confront you with my anger. I think that would have ruined a lot between us. I dealt with it in therapy and I got over it. But nonetheless, you barely have any idea about my life between the age of seven to nineteen. And what you know about my life since then has mostly been what you learned while we were working together.”

“All the more reason to give us living together more of a chance than you have so far!” Owen said seriously, squeezing TK’s hand.

“We haven’t lived together since I was seven, and it’s become very clear to me that we’d have clashed horrifically if we’d shared living space while I was a teenager,” TK said with raised brows. “We clash now all the time. The only reason we haven’t argued constantly over every single thing going on in this house since moving in here is that I didn’t have the energy to argue my points. I hate that only you decide what kind of food we can have in this kitchen, and that you have thrown out things I bought for myself more than once.”

“Processed food will be your death!” Owen said. “Have you ever bothered to look up what kind of crap they put into that? A healthy…”

“Stop, Dad,” TK said, glaring. “Processed food can also be a comfort, sometimes. And a couple of pre-made cookies won’t kill me. And it’s not your choice. I’m an adult. I’ve been an adult for a long time. I’m perfectly capable of making my own decisions, whether you like them or not. And the food is just one of many things.”

TK bit his lip and looked down at Buttercup, pulling his hand away from his father. He didn’t know how to explain how uncomfortable he felt sleeping in this house, how little he was able to relax here. It wasn’t something he could explain, not even to himself, it just was. So he decided not to bring it up because he knew his father would demand an explanation he wouldn’t be able to give.

“You said earlier you had hoped to fix … this,” Owen said quietly.

“And I still want that,” TK agreed, looking up again. “But we won’t ever fix it if I stay here. I’ll be too occupied trying not to lose my mind while I deal with the discomfort of living with you. You didn’t even ask when we moved here if I wanted to move in with you. You just decided, stomping all over my boundaries as if they didn’t matter, taking away my autonomy. You also didn’t ask for input on what kind of place I wanted to live in.”

“You don’t like the house,” Owen said flabbergasted.

TK sighed, not surprised at all that his father was missing the point, again. It wasn’t about the house, had never been about the house. But maybe Owen didn’t need to understand that, at least for the moment. All TK wanted him to understand was that living together wasn’t a solution that was conducive to helping their relationship or TK’s recovery.

“The house and living together with you,” TK said. “And if I were still fifteen years old and prone to the same teenage tantrums I tortured Mom and Enzo with, you’d have been on board with me moving out months ago. Unfortunately, now I’m more inclined to more self-destructive coping mechanisms if a situation makes me anxious.”

Owen winced. “Are you saying that living with me makes you crave drugs?”

TK shrugged. “It’s not something that will just go away, Dad. I’ve been told for some it gets easier over time, and I thought I had reached that point. But I was clearly mistaken.”

“I didn’t consider how it would affect you when I asked you to move in with me,” Owen admitted slowly. “I just thought living alone would be a mistake for you.”

“And you aren’t necessarily wrong about that. Which is the reason I’ll still have housemates in the future,” TK said with raised brows. “And they are all aware of my addiction and my most recent history.” He was grateful that none of his future housemates had a problem with it, though he had needed to answer some difficult questions.

“I was looking forward to living with you,” Owen continued. “I like living with you, sharing the house with you. I honestly have no idea what your problem is with us sharing a house, and I’d still prefer we talk this out and find a way to come to terms with living together instead of you just giving up and moving out.”

“I’m not giving up!” TK glared at him and then pointed at a spot on the ground. “I will never get tired of reminding you of that bra on the floor!”

Owen sighed deeply and rolled his eyes.

TK kept glaring at him. “The only thing you saw of Carlos when you came home last night were his shoes by the door. I’m honestly impressed you recognized him by his shoes at all.”

Owen cleared his throat and left his seat to return to the coffee maker. TK watched him with a deep frown, dread settling deep in his gut. His father was much too focused on adding milk to his coffee.

“Honestly, Dad?” TK asked darkly. “Don’t tell me you took a peek into my room when you came home!”

“I just wanted to make sure you were alright,” Owen said without turning back to him.

TK huffed, feeling embarrassed, frustrated, and angry all at once. Only Buttercup suddenly pressing his head against his stomach kept him on his chair. It would be terrible to have to tell Carlos about this, and he was even more relieved now that his days in this house were numbered.

“That’s exactly what I’m talking about, Dad!” TK hissed. “I’m a grown-ass adult, but in this house, you don’t accept that I have boundaries at all. And I don’t see you learning to accept either my boundaries or my right to privacy. You had to have known someone was with me, and yet you willfully violated Carlos’ privacy just as much as mine!”

Owen turned to him with a frown. “This is my house.”

“No, it should be our house, and I should have exactly the same rights you have,” TK said darkly. “How would you feel if I barged into your room in the morning or at any other time, especially if I knew you had someone in there with you? Or let’s say you had another housemate and they just barged into your room whenever they felt like it?”

Owen made a face, but TK wasn’t sure he really understood a single word of what TK was saying.

“It doesn’t matter, anyway,” TK said. “I have the room at the house share, and I won’t change my mind about moving. Especially now. I don’t want to risk waiting on you to change things for me, because one of us will end up resenting the other. That’s the last thing I want.”

“I could change,” Owen muttered unhappily.

TK rolled his eyes but didn’t bother with a verbal reply.

“And as you said, this house is too big for just one person. Even with Buttercup here now.” Owen took a sip of his coffee. “And Buttercup will be heartbroken, about you moving out too.”

“You got the dog, you have to deal with him,” TK said. “He can get his cuddles with me when we are on shift. And if you don’t want to live alone, you can look for another housemate. Who knows, maybe you’ll be able to accept someone else’s boundaries easier than mine. I know it was difficult for Mom to accept my changing boundaries and need for privacy as I got older. Maybe that’s part of the problem. Somewhere in the back of your mind, I’m probably still the seven-year-old boy you last lived with.”

Owen huffed and rolled his eyes. “That’s ridiculous.”

TK shrugged, deciding not to argue about it. If they did, he’d probably just share even more painful thoughts about his childhood that he really didn’t want to tell his father. “Mateo is looking for a new place, too, as you know. Maybe you can offer him a room here, at least temporarily. That way he gets away from his honestly horrible house share, and you can test out if that kind of thing works for you or if you want to look for a new place instead.”

***

Carlos poked his fork at his salad without eating anything even though he had only eaten half of it so far. The conversation with his parents had slowly petered out over the last couple of minutes and he was acutely aware of the thoughtful looks his father had been sending his way ever since they sat down at the table. It wasn’t as if Gabriel was wrong about waiting for Carlos to speak up.

The situation between Carlos and his parents had started to change a little after his meltdown with his mother. It would be a long process, Carlos knew that, but he had seen the change, especially in his mother. But even then, it was unusual that he asked his parents to meet him for lunch, especially while his father was on shift. Carlos would be on shift for the next couple of nights, and he knew from experience that he wouldn’t have the time or energy to meet with them.

“Won’t you share your news with us, son?” Gabriel asked.

Carlos blew out a breath and dropped the fork in the bowl, shoving it away a little. “Mamá said you were keeping an eye on Iris’ file.”

Andrea gasped. “Carlitos?”

She reached over the table and grabbed his hand, clearly expecting terrible news. Carlos squeezed her hand, but the words were still stuck in his throat.

“You made her family,” Gabriel said, brows raised. “Of course I keep an eye out for news about her. But I don’t make a habit out of sharing the information I learn with your mother.” He paused and when Carlos looked at him, he was met with the kind of soft gaze he seldom got from his father. “Tell us your news, Carlos.”

Carlos ran his tongue over his lips and lowered his gaze. “I found Iris, alive.”

“Oh, Carlitos!” Andrea left her place beside Gabriel and came around the table without letting go of his hand, pulling him into a tight hug before she even had sat down beside him again. “How is she? Where… Is this good news?”

Carlos returned her hug and leaned his cheek against her head. “It’s good news. Really good news. I was able to convince her to go to the hospital.”

Andrea leaned back and cupped Carlos’s cheeks with her hands. “I’m not sure I should ask, but where was she? What happened to her?”

Carlos bit his lip. “I don’t remember if I … told you about our suspicions about her mental health? She found her way to a homeless camp after the accident. I don’t know how she survived that, she … didn’t really want to talk about that part when I asked. She’s been living in the camp the whole time, and as far as I could see, she was happy there.”

Andrea smiled sadly. “I’m very glad you found her. And I’m very relieved that she is alive. When did you find her?”

“Two days ago,” Carlos said. “By pure chance during a shift. It’s still difficult to believe. Felt like a dream both mornings when I woke up.”

“What have the doctors told you?” Gabriel asked, and Andrea huffed, sending him a dark look, clearly not happy to have her own interrogation interrupted.

Carlos chuckled at his parents’ antics. Andrea took his hand again when he turned to his father. “Not much yet. They are treating her under the assumption it’s schizophrenia, though it will take time to get a definite diagnosis. That is, if Iris agrees to stay in therapy. Which she might not. She agreed to stay in the hospital for two weeks, but that was more about treating some physical issues she had taken notice of herself already. She … I went to visit her yesterday afternoon, and she was talking about going back.”

“Can’t you stop her from doing that?” Gabriel asked with a frown. “You are still her husband. If she isn’t able to make decisions for herself…”

“But she is,” Carlos said quietly. He sighed and shook his head. “She isn’t a threat to either herself or others. She’s been living for three years in her current circumstances, and from her perspective, it’s a good happy life.”

Andrea frowned. “She has been living in a homeless camp, that doesn’t sound happy at all, mijo.”

Carlos shrugged. “It’s all a question of perspective, right? Though I agree with you for the most part, I can’t see it either. I very much hope I can convince her to stay at the hospital, to get treatment. There is a possibility that with the right medication, she’ll be able to live an almost normal life. I don’t want her to go back, and if she does, I’ll try to convince her otherwise, however long it takes.”

Gabriel opened his mouth, but then he frowned and asked, “Have you spoken to her mother and sister?”

Carlos huffed. “No. And I won’t.”

“I don’t think you have much of a choice,” Gabriel said quietly, his frown turning into a look of dark apprehension while looking at something over Carlos’ shoulder.

“I can’t believe this.” Carlos didn’t need to turn around to suspect who his father was watching. He lowered his head and gritted his teeth. “I am so sorry for whatever she’ll say or do.”

Andrea turned around and squeezed his hand. “Does Michelle already know you found Iris?” she asked quietly.

“Detective Washington should have told her yesterday,” Carlos murmured. He took a deep breath before he turned around, just in time to register the fury on Michelle’s grim face and her tense shoulders. This would probably go exactly as he feared.

“How’s your head, Michelle?” he asked, mostly in hopes of distracting her.

“How could you not tell me immediately?” Michelle hissed, her hands twitching at her sides before she clenched them into fists.

For a moment Carlos wondered if the only reason he was spared a slap to the face was the presence of his parents. “The last time I saw you, you were unconscious and on your way to the hospital. I’m glad you seem to be recovering quite well.”

“You found Iris!” Michelle nearly shouted. “And you didn’t tell me or Mom right away? You’d rather let us believe she was dead?”

“I think we both made it very clear that we don’t have anything to talk about outside of meeting on the job,” Carlos said, his gaze lowered. He leaned back, bracing an elbow on the table behind him and making a very deliberate show out of staying seated.

“Where is she?” Michelle asked.

“I won’t tell you.”

“She is my sister!” Michelle hissed. “You have no right to keep her from me.”

“Iris has lived in that homeless camp you’ve been visiting for the last three years,” Carlos said slowly. “You even knew about her. Everyone there calls her The Doc.”

Michelle paled and stumbled a step back. “No.”

“Iris decided to hide from you,” Carlos said, unconcerned about how hard it might be for Michelle to hear. Part of him was glad that he had no impulse at all to try and protect her, or to soften the blow. “She told me point-blank she doesn’t want you to know where she is. She is getting treatment right now, and even if you find out where, the nurses won’t let you see her. Because she also told them that she doesn’t want to see you or your mother.”

Michelle huffed. “They can’t do that! We are her family! We’ll be the ones…”

“I’m her husband,” Carlos said darkly. “If anyone has to make decisions for her, they will ask me.”

“You were on your way to getting divorced!” Michelle said, crossing her arms over her chest.

“So what?” Carlos asked. “I have paperwork to show that I’d remain Iris’ medical proxy and POA even after the divorce. She knew exactly what she wanted, and she knew exactly how to get it. I really don’t think that has changed even after three years of living on the street.”

“She was already sick when you set up all that paperwork!” Michelle said, taking an angry step in his direction. “We’ll contest it in front of a judge. You won’t keep her from us, do you hear me?”

Carlos wet his lip and leaned forward a little, bracing his hands on his knees. “You can try, but it won’t get you far. My first concern is protecting Iris, and right now I’m convinced she needs to be protected from you and your mother. You have both shown how far you are willing to go to push your own narrative. That’s not what Iris needs right now, and I’ll make sure she gets whatever she needs, without anyone interfering.”

“Except you?” Michelle asked. “If anyone has a history of using my sister it’s you! You somehow convinced her to enter this sham of a marriage because you couldn’t bear your parents’ rejection for being gay!”

Gabriel cleared his throat. “Miss Blake…”

Carlos raised his hand and shook his head without turning to his father, which was enough to silence him. “Is there anything else other than venting your anger, Michelle?”

“Tell me where my sister is!”

“No.”

Michelle took another step in his direction and her hand twitched at her side.

Carlos leaned back to put a little more space between them and raised his brows. “Dad’s on duty. In your place, I’d be very careful about slapping someone in the presence of a Texas Ranger. Especially after the report I filed when you interrupted my lunch the last time.”

“You won’t get away with this!” Michelle said, but she pulled her arms back a little, fisting her hands again. “I won’t let you alienate Iris from her family! You won’t like the consequences if we have to take you to court, Carlos! Don’t forget what you’ve confessed to me over the last three years.”

Carlos laughed, and even more so when he saw how startled Michelle was by his reaction. “You know, threatening me with blackmail and slander is not any better than actually slapping me. What I confessed to you? I’m even a little tempted to see what you’ll come up with. Though, I thought you’d have learned your lesson considering the trouble you are in and the charges you are facing because of your slander of Dustin.”

“I’ll ruin you!” Michelle hissed before she turned on her heel and stormed away.

Carlos blew out a breath and turned around to face the table again. He rubbed his hands over his face. “Okay, that was less horrible than I expected. At least she didn’t accuse me of working with Dustin to kill Iris again.”

Andrea grabbed his shoulder. “She did what?”

Carlos shrugged.

“I hope you already have a lawyer on retainer,” Gabriel said, looking after Michelle with a deep frown.

“I do.” Carlos nodded. “As soon as the truck was found … I knew all along that Iris would be declared dead eventually, and then Theresa would try to get her hands on as much of Iris’ money as she could. She already tried that when we first came back from Vegas.”

“Has she been violent with you in the past?” Gabriel asked. “You were very quick to assume she was about to slap you.”

“Not me,” Carlos said. “Until I stopped … at least pretending to listen to her and help her, and stopped actually helping her at times when I shouldn’t have, she saw me as … a source, I guess. She was never physically aggressive with me. I saw her slap Dustin twice, but apparently that happened quite often. Never a third time in front of me because I told her I would arrest her for real after the second time, but Dustin has mentioned other occasions.”

“There seem to be a lot of things we missed about your relationship with Michelle as well as Iris’ boyfriend,” Gabriel said hesitantly.

Carlos shrugged and pulled his bowl to him. He didn’t feel any hungrier than before, but it would be a shame to let the food go to waste. “There are a lot of things I never bothered to share with you or Mamá.”

Gabriel huffed. “I know. And I also know that’s mostly our fault not yours. But I can still be unhappy about how little we know about the important things in your life. It’s clear, even from just this one confrontation between you and Miss Blake, that this had been an ongoing problem for a while.”

“Only since I complained about her behavior to a friend and suddenly got help I wasn’t expecting,” Carlos muttered. He pushed a forkful of salad into his mouth and chewed slowly. “Help I also didn’t know I needed,” he muttered into his food.

“If you had been aware you needed this kind of help, would you have asked me instead of a stranger?”

Carlos looked up at his father, the fork frozen halfway between the bowl and his mouth. He wasn’t sure if that was an honest question, and his father’s face was, as always, unreadable to him.

Carlos blew out a breath and dropped the fork back into the bowl. “No.”

Andrea sighed beside him and pressed her shoulder against his without saying anything, and Carlos bit his lip, letting his gaze wander over the tables surrounding them for a moment. Earlier, when Michelle had been here, nearly everyone had been watching them, but now they all seemed to have turned back to their own food. Michelle’s little scene might not have made it impossible for him to come here for lunch in the future, but getting into this kind of discussion with his father might.

Gabriel frowned and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Honestly, did you expect any other answer?” Carlos asked incredulously.

Gabriel straightened his shoulders. “I had hoped for another answer, at least.” He didn’t sound as confident as he tried to display through his body language, which was more satisfying than Carlos thought he had a right to feel about it. “I had hoped despite our … conflicts you would…”

“I know you think I’m no good at my job,” Carlos said darkly. “You make that pretty clear every time we meet while we’re both on duty. We haven’t worked together even once without you questioning every word I said. That has nothing to do with our personal conflict or my issues trusting you. Or maybe it does, at least from your side. Maybe being queer and a cop don’t fit together in your world.”

Carlos ignored his mother’s gasp and watched his father intently.

Gabriel flexed his jaw and eventually lowered his gaze. “I don’t care about other Officer’s private lives, Carlos. I do think you’re too soft for this kind of work, but that has nothing to do with you being gay.”

Carlos frowned, already regretting he had brought up this topic at all. He wasn’t ready to face the opinions his father had about his life, private or professional. “Do you know what’s been going on with Michelle and the APD? I assumed you keep up with that the same way you kept yourself informed about Iris’ case.”

Gabriel nodded.

Carlos raised his brows. “So, if I had come to you with that problem, would you honestly have taken me any more seriously than my captain or anyone else I complained to?” He raised his hand and shook his head. “Don’t answer me, just think about it. It’s an ongoing investigation, we can’t talk about it here anyway. I have no desire to talk about it with you at all for the moment. Maybe never. I would not have come to you for help, and I don’t see myself coming to you for help in the future either. Make of that what you will.”

“How long has your relationship with Michelle been this hostile?” Andrea asked.

“A couple of months. Since Iris’ birthday, more or less.” Carlos shrugged and continued eating, very deliberately avoiding his father’s gaze. “I reached the end of my rope with her that day, and things have been slowly unraveling. I’m glad I was able to separate from her before we found out about the accident or that Iris is alive.”

“You might not have found out about the accident without your friend stepping in,” Gabriel said with a huff.

Carlos sighed. “Or we might have. Michelle learned about the blue truck a little while earlier. She might have eventually gone to Detective Washington.”

Or Carlos might have tried to help her find the truck, after all. He wanted to believe that he would never have crossed that line for her, but there had been other lines he had crossed for her that he couldn’t explain to himself anymore. Carlos wanted to believe himself to be a better person, but he had let the whole situation with Dustin go on for a long time without launching any kind of major complaint. What he had done had mostly been to cover his own ass until Tony had stepped in, not to help Dustin deal with the situation.

Carlos now wondered where else he had looked the other way without even recognizing it. It was something he knew he needed to work on, but at the same time, it was nothing he would ever discuss with his father, even if they somehow managed to eventually repair part of their relationship.

“Do you honestly plan to keep her sister and mother away from Iris?” Gabriel asked. “That does seem a little bit harsh.”

Carlos huffed. “As I told Michelle, Iris has no desire to see her. Michelle works for Sanctuary Hearts, and I assume if the AFD lets her go, she’ll go to work for them full-time instead of as a volunteer. She has been to the camp where I found Iris numerous times over the last three years, but never saw her sister because Iris hid from her. Iris didn’t try to hide from me at all. Don’t you think that says everything there needs to be said about that situation? As long as Iris doesn’t tell me she wants to see Michelle or Theresa, I won’t tell them where she is.”

“They’ll find out anyway,” Andrea said. “There aren’t that many hospitals in town where you could take Iris to be treated for something like schizophrenia.”

“Doesn’t mean I have to cooperate with them,” Carlos muttered darkly. “And the hospital won’t tell them anything. Not even to confirm if she’s there or not. All the legal responsibility lies with me. I don’t care if they take me to court over it.”

“That’s a very big burden you plan to carry for a woman you were about to get divorced from,” Gabriel said. “I would have thought you’d go through with the divorce now sooner rather than later.”

Carlos glared at his father. “Iris is my best friend most of all. Right now, being married to her gives me the opportunity to serve as a barrier between her and the rest of the world. I have no doubt that Michelle and Theresa both would use her situation for their own gain in any way possible rather than help Iris get back on her feet. Additionally, my insurance will pay her hospital bills. That’s what I was taking care of for most of the afternoon yesterday. As long as she needs my insurance because she isn’t in a position to work and get insurance of her own, those divorce papers will continue to gather dust.”

“And we will support you in that,” Andrea said forcefully. When Carlos turned to look at her, he found her glaring in his father’s direction. “As you said earlier, Gabriel, Iris is family. We have known for a long time that her mother at least is less than … suited to be a mother to anyone, let alone to a girl who’ll need as much help as Iris will to settle back into an orderly life.”

Carlos bit his lip and lowered his head, neither of which could possibly hide his grin from his parents. “Thank you, Mamá. I’m very glad and relieved to have both your support. I don’t doubt for a moment that Michelle and Theresa will sue me, sooner rather than later. Knowing that I can count on you to have my back would be great.”

It would take a long time before he would be able to fully trust the support they offered him, and Carlos suspected that at least his mother was very aware of that. But the promise alone was already more than he’d have expected even a few months ago.

 

Chapter 18

“Carlos!” Iris fell against him with a laugh as soon as she saw him, her arms wrapping around his neck.

Carlos had come to visit her as often as he could manage over the last ten days, though his shifts had overlapped much too often with visiting hours and the hospital was only allowing so many exceptions for him. Every single time Carlos came to visit her, Iris was exuberantly happy to see him and not at all shy about showing it. She had always been a tactile person, but it had taken on a very different expression from what he remembered. Or maybe his memories of her had just started to fade more than he expected, but that wasn’t a thought he liked to entertain at all.

Carlos chuckled and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “How are you?”

“Good.” Iris sighed and took a step back. “Better. It’s…” She huffed.

Carlos frowned and motioned her over to the bench near the door he had just come through to meet her in the park behind the hospital building. More often than not they met here, except for the two days when he had come by late in the evening and the nurse at the front desk had led him to a little common room instead. It was a nice quiet place, and Iris was definitely more comfortable outside the building than in it.

“They expect a decision from me soon,” Iris said quietly. “The doctors and nurses here, I mean. And I … just don’t know, Carlos.”

Carlos blew out a breath. He wanted to tell her to stay here, to get proper treatment, wanted to make sure she never returned to the homeless camp, but he knew that would be a mistake. Iris had never been one to let others dictate her life, and Carlos didn’t believe that had changed at all. “Whatever you decide, you’ll always have the chance to change your mind again later on.”

Iris shrugged and turned half away from him.

“I … You said you are feeling better,” Carlos whispered. “Can you explain that a little bit more?”

Iris huffed. “You know what I mean.”

Carlos sighed and shook his head. “I really don’t. I haven’t suddenly learned how to read minds, and I probably don’t know you very well anymore. Three years is a long time.”

“And I led a life you can’t relate to,” Iris murmured.

“Yeah.”

Iris shrugged and wedged her folded hands between her legs. “When you brought me here, I was convinced I’d just humor you and the doctors about the medication they were giving me. I thought I’d sit through the two weeks I had agreed to so that I could soothe your worries, and then go back. I was convinced it wouldn’t do anything, wouldn’t change anything.”

Carlos wet his lips, suddenly more hopeful than he probably should be. “But it did.”

Iris shrugged silently.

“Do you want to go back?” Carlos asked.

Iris shrugged again and blew out air through her teeth. “Right at this moment? No. But ask me again in a couple of hours, or in the morning when the medication has worn off, and I will probably give you a different answer.”

Carlos bit his lip with a frown and watched Iris carefully. He didn’t know what exactly she was trying to tell him. From his conversations with her doctor, he had thought Iris was reacting well to the medication she was being given. He had been warned that it would take time before it took full effect, and he had witnessed her changing moods, but he somehow hadn’t expected Iris herself to be this aware of it.

Sometimes when Carlos came to visit her, she was the friend he remembered, funny, outgoing, and carefree despite the burdens she was struggling with. And sometimes she was the woman he had met in the homeless camp, leery and haunted by shadows no one else could see. And on one occasion she switched from the first to the second so abruptly that Carlos hadn’t even known what was happening.

“I feel more clear-headed right now than I have in a long time,” Iris whispered, staring up at the sky. “And I’m … relieved about that. But I also know later I will … mistrust what I remember of this moment.”

“Something has kept you here so far,” Carlos said. “You’ve had the chance to leave at any time. You aren’t here on a mandatory psych hold, and I know that the doctors aren’t planning to declare you to be incompetent to make your own decisions. They’d let you go if you wanted to, even before the two weeks you initially agreed to are up. And if you decide to stay for long-term therapy, I think that will still hold true.”

“Something has been keeping me here so far,” Iris agreed quietly.

“Just take it one day at a time,” Carlos said. He reached out one hand, and she took it without hesitation. Carlos laced their fingers together and rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. “You don’t need to have a plan for your entire future right now.”

Iris huffed. “I like to have plans!”

Carlos laughed. “Yeah, I know. But that hasn’t always been to your advantage, has it?”

Dustin was the most glaring example that he could think of, but he didn’t know if it would be a good idea to bring him up. A partner hadn’t been in Iris’ plans, falling in love was something she had been convinced she couldn’t do, and meeting Dustin had overthrown half her plans for her future. While Carlos had suffered with her through the confusion this had led to, it had also been very amusing for him at times when she complained about her plans being disrupted.

“Maybe the only plan you need for the moment is to get back on your feet, to do everything you can so that you feel better again, more on an even keel and in control of your life,” Carlos said. “Everything else can follow after that.”

Iris was silent for a long time and then she said, “Michelle tried to visit me.”

Carlos blinked, a little bit thrown by the sudden change of topic. He knew that Michelle had shown up at the hospital just two days ago and demanded to see Iris. The nurse at the reception hadn’t let her any father into the building than the reception area, and the hospital had called Carlos as soon as Michelle had given up for the moment. Carlos had been informed about Michelle’s threat to sue everyone involved, and he had given them the contact information for his own lawyer as well as for the one he had hired for Iris.

“Do you want to see her?” Carlos asked.

“No.” Iris squeezed Carlos’ hand so tightly it hurt. “There are two things I feel pretty much the same about whether I’m medicated or not. Not wanting to see Michelle or my mother is one of those. They’d just … complicate all of it.”

“You don’t have to see either of them,” Carlos agreed. “The hospital will keep them away from you for as long as you want.”

“They’re my family, though,” Iris muttered with a frown.

“And you clearly stated you don’t want to see them. You didn’t even want them contacted about where you were when I brought you here. You were very adamant about it.”

“Yeah, I remember,” Iris whispered.

“Don’t worry about them. The hospital and I will take care of them for as long as you need.”

“Just more reason to stay here,” Iris said darkly.

Carlos shrugged.

“What do you want me to do?”

“That’s really not what should matter to you,” Carlos said quietly. He leaned his shoulder against hers with a sigh. “I want you to be happy and healthy, and if at all possible, safe. I want you to stay here and get treatment, of course, but I won’t force you as long as the doctors treating you tell me you are able to make decisions for yourself.”

“Maybe it would be easier for me if you did force me.”

Carlos sighed deeply. “Or maybe you’d start to hate me. That’s not a risk I’m willing to take. I’m not … I’ve missed you terribly, Iris. The thought of losing you again is terrifying. When I found you, I was so tempted to just drag you to this place whether you wanted to or not. I was terrified you wouldn’t be there when I returned, either because you left of your own accord or because something happened to you. I hate that you lived there for three years, despite knowing that you found friends there and that you felt comfortable in the community. That doesn’t change how dangerous that place can be.” Especially for a mentally ill woman, he thought but he bit his lip not to say it aloud.

“I think I’d like to continue what I’ve done for them in the past,” Iris whispered. “They call me The Doc, you know? I could still use everything I learned in school, even if I didn’t always have the materials I needed.”

“I heard about that,” Carlos said, smiling. “I’m glad you were able to follow your passion despite everything else. Maybe you can focus on that as a goal for yourself. Get better so that you can work for Sanctuary Hearts or any other organization helping the homeless.”

“Let’s stop talking about my bullshit,” Iris said and suddenly sat up straight. “Tell me about your life! You’ve been so reluctant to say anything about it!”

Carlos pursed his lips and hesitated. He had good reasons for not telling Iris about his life. The last thing he felt she needed was the burden of knowing how much her disappearance had thrown him for a loop. Nothing of what had happened was her fault, but he knew her, and he knew she would find a way to feel guilty about it. For now, she needed to concentrate on herself instead of dealing with his troubles or the bullshit Michelle had done.

“My life really hasn’t been that eventful for the last three years,” he muttered finally. “I think the most exciting thing to happen was that I met a whole group of new friends recently.”

“Oh!” Iris turned to him, her eyes shining in excitement. “Are you dating one of them?”

Carlos felt himself blush and cleared his throat. “Not exactly. I mean, come on, my wife was missing until ten days ago, I’m not exactly prime dating material!”

Iris raised her brows. “Is the sex good?”

Carlos laughed. “That’s your first concern?”

“Well?”

“It’s really good,” Carlos said, grinning.

Iris nodded slowly. “And is he hot?”

“It’s good to see that your priorities are still just as screwed up as they were in the past,” Carlos said. “He’s burning hot. But we aren’t dating. We just enjoy our time together. He had a really bad breakup just before we met, so he’s as interested in a serious relationship as I am. Which is to say, not at all.”

Iris watched him skeptically. “Do you like him?”

Carlos sighed. “You know, I made a whole lot of other friends as well. I finally found a hiking partner. Maybe if you feel up to it at some point we can go hiking together, all three of us. Paul tried to organize a team bonding exercise and nearly overwhelmed everyone with the hike he had chosen.”

“Team bonding?” Iris asked. She turned and braced her arm on the backrest of the bench, watching Carlos with a soft smile.

Carlos nodded, hopeful that he might have distracted her from the topic of TK. He told her about their hike as a big group, and then about the two hikes he had gone on with Paul alone. For a while, they reminisced about their own hiking adventures and Iris made some suggestions for trails Carlos should show Paul in the future. Then the conversation turned to the rest of his new friends, and he told her about helping Mateo with his anxiety using the same method she had found for him, and about exploring Austin with TK which had given him some startling new insights into the city he grew up in. He also complained about Nancy and Marjan being much too invested in the game nights they had established.

“So, all of these new friends are part of the same group?” Iris asked.

Carlos nodded and sighed. “Did you hear … that one of the fire stations lost nearly a whole shift in an accident a while ago?”

Iris’ eyes grew wide. “Yeah, I heard about that.”

“The new crew is mostly made up of people from out of town. I met them when Michelle brought them to this bar we were supposed to meet at, and I just hit it off with most of them. We’ve established regular game nights after Paul’s plan backfired, though I wouldn’t mind if we also found something a little less … competitive to do together.”

“And your new boyfriend is part of the group.”

Carlos rolled his eyes. “TK is not my boyfriend.”

Iris hummed and nodded slowly, her eyebrows raised. “If you say so. But you clearly like him a lot. Are you in love with him?”

“No.” Carlos blew out a breath. “But I guess it could happen pretty easily.”

He wouldn’t be able to hide that from her anyway, and it was something he had been aware of for several weeks. It would be so easy to just let go and fall in love with TK, but aside from TK’s stand concerning romantic relationships, Carlos didn’t feel ready for it either.

“Maybe you should let it happen,” Iris said softly. “The last time we talked about this you were searching for someone to fall in love with. I can’t believe you haven’t been successful in three years. And don’t come back with that sorry excuse that I was missing!”

“It’s not an excuse,” Carlos said harsher than he had intended. He closed his eyes and rubbed a hand over his face. “I couldn’t concentrate on dating anyone when most of my time was spent worrying about you and wondering what had happened to you. I couldn’t just continue to live my life as if nothing had happened. None of us could Iris!”

She gasped for air and stared at him wide-eyed and pale. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s really not your fault,” Carlos murmured. “I’m sorry for snapping at you. That wasn’t … I love you, Iris. You’re my best friend. Don’t ever think that it didn’t affect me that you just vanished without a trace.”

“You said you thought I was dead.”

“I did,” Carlos agreed. “I started to tell myself I needed to accept that about a year after you disappeared, but I only started to honestly believe it after we found the wrecked pickup. Which was just a little over a month ago.” He swallowed and shook his head. “Speaking of. I rented your condo out so it wouldn’t stay empty. I’ve collected the rent in an account for you. If you decide you want to move back in, I think our tenants deserve a little time to prepare. They’re all medical students in their third and fourth year now.”

“I’ll be stuck here for quite a while before I can even think about living on my own,” Iris said.

Carlos nodded. “I know. But I want you to know it’s there and waiting for you. I’ve made sure they know how to take care of it, and to treat your kitchen with all the respect it deserves.”

Iris laughed startled. “Really?”

“I might have gone a little bit overboard,” Carlos admitted with a sheepish grin. “Last year the faucet broke, and when they called me about it, all three of them were in a complete a panic. It was easily repaired and didn’t even cost that much, but they’ve always been very careful with your kitchen.”

Iris laughed so hard she nearly toppled over backwards. “You are clearly a horrible landlord.”

“The worst,” Carlos agreed grinning. “Might be even worse than our landlord back before Vegas.”

Iris snorted. “Did you let them have my textbooks at least? It’s a lot more comfortable if you can sit at home to study than in the library. And the prices for those books are horrendous.”

“Your old textbooks and your notes are all part of the furnishings I rented to them with the apartment,” Carlos said. “I’ve also made sure they don’t need to skip meals because the rent doesn’t leave enough of their budget that they can’t pay for their groceries each month. That’s not an experience I wanted to pay forward.”

***

“What’s up, Judd?”

TK looked at Paul with a startled frown and found he and Judd were sitting on one of the couches. Judd was staring at his phone with a troubled frown and completely ignored the bowl of chili Paul had brought over for him. Lunch should have been hours ago, but a call had kept them busy. Judd had been man behind by his own request, and he had prepared lunch while they had been gone, but other than that he’d been completely distracted since the beginning of the shift.

Judd sighed and tossed his phone down on the couch beside him. He rubbed his hand over his head and fell against the backrest with a frown. “Just concerned about a friend.”

“You want to talk about it?” Paul asked.

TK took his own bowl and wandered over to the common area, sitting down opposite Judd and Paul. He didn’t know where the rest had vanished off to, but maybe it was a good thing they weren’t all crowding Judd. Their team had grown close over the past few months, and with that came blurring some lines regarding everyone’s privacy.

For a moment, he regretted sitting down with them, until Buttercup came trotting over and for a change turned to Judd instead of TK. A moment later Judd had a big dog head in his lap, and even though TK couldn’t see his face, he knew exactly the kind of gaze Buttercup was subjecting Judd to.

“You remember that freak thunderstorm the other day? My friend Billy was on the golf course with two friends, and insisted a little bit of rain wouldn’t stop him from playing.”

“There was a lightning strike victim on a golf course,” TK said, aghast.

Judd nodded and rubbed his hand over Buttercup’s head. “Yeah. That’s Billy. His two buddies took off for the building. Someone saw Billy getting hit, but it took several minutes to reach him. He woke up from his coma a couple of hours ago. Another friend is there right now, and … Gonna be a tough road for Billy. Pretty sure this time he won’t make it back to work.”

“Billy is a firefighter, too?” Paul asked.

“Part of my old crew. Was on medical leave for a year cuz of cancer. Should have been back a week after…” Judd fisted his hand in Buttercup’s ruff and shook his head. “Got to be captain over at the 121 instead.”

TK frowned. “Why not here?”

Judd sucked in a breath. “There were a lot of people who wanted to shut down this house for good. Make a memorial out of it.”

Paul made a face. “Billy’s one of them?”

“Yeah. Every time I saw him over the past couple of months, he’d mention how much he hated what Cap has done here. That he couldn’t understand how I could come here every three days desecrating our friends’ memories and not die from the shame of it.”

TK blew out a breath. “And you call him a friend?”

“Not all friendships are roses and sunshine, brother,” Judd muttered without meeting his gaze. “Billy and I went through a lot together, walked through fire together for years. He’s still grieving. Not gonna take that away from him.”

TK made a face and decided to just stay quiet.

“Was Billy hurt badly by the lightning strike?” Paul asked.

Judd shrugged. “The lightning strike might not be the biggest problem. He wasn’t breathing when help arrived, and they don’t have a measure of time for that. Joe’s text says Billy’s havin’ problems speaking. And his right eye is damaged, though the doctor said he may yet recover from that.”

“Do you want to take a short trip to the hospital?” TK asked. “I’m sure Cap would let you go for an hour or two.”

“No.” Judd shook his head. “There are plenty of people coming and going to visit him on a roster. I’m scheduled for tomorrow morning right after our shift. But Cap knows I have a friend in the hospital in pretty bad condition. I’d never volunteer for man behind usually, but I know my head’s likely not in the game today.”

Judd stared at the table silently for a while, stirring his spoon in his chili without eating. Then he abruptly sat up straight and stared at TK. “Oh damn, you’re moving tomorrow!”

TK raised his brows and shook his head with a small smile. “And I have a lot of people helping me. We’ll cope without you. You’re still invited to the barbeque in the evening, of course.”

Judd huffed. “You bet I’ll be there for that. Y’all can’t trust Varun with a barbeque, no matter what he tells you!”

Everyone at the 126 except for Owen had been eager to offer to help TK move and he knew there would be more helping hands than he would ever need. All his things were already packed, they only needed to load up the boxes. The biggest hassle would be to disassemble his furniture and then reassemble it in his new room, but even that shouldn’t take long with everyone there.

They planned to start right after their shift was over, and TK’s new roommates had planned a little party in the evening to welcome him into their house and had invited everyone who was helping with the move. If everyone hadn’t already volunteered before that invitation had been offered, TK would have suspected his friends were only in it for the food.

“What do you need, Judd?” Paul asked.

“No idea. I’d have needed Billy not to be so fucking stupid,” Judd muttered. “He always thinks he’s invincible and in the right. Guess his luck ran out on him finally. He’s gonna hate it if he can’t come back from this.”

“Don’t give up hope yet,” Paul said. “He might recover completely. And he clearly has a bunch of friends, not just you, who are caring for him. What about his family?”

Judd shook his head. “His family was our crew. I’m not sure how close he is yet with the new one over at the 121. Twice divorced and no kids. Neither of his wives could handle the reality of living with a firefighter long term.” He sighed deeply. “And of course we’ll support him.”

For a little while they ate in silence. Judd kept looking in the direction of his phone, a deep frown still on his face, but TK thought he was a bit more relaxed than before. Maybe just talking about his friend’s accident had helped. The rest of their crew came piling into the kitchen just as TK, Paul, and Judd finished eating. Paul used the opportunity to declare a foosball tournament during the rest of their shift, dragging Judd into planning and organizing it with him.

They had to leave on another call before the tournament could even kick off, but Judd stayed behind again and by the time they returned, he had focused all his energy into the distraction of making a timetable for the matches so that by the end everyone would have a match against everyone else. TK suspected they’d be busy with the tournament for at least one other shift, and Mateo had already suggested another tournament with teams instead of everyone playing alone.

They had another simple call in the afternoon that interrupted the tournament and when they got back Tim, Nancy, and Sasha—who had been returning as a floater more and more often—had just arrived on shift and were deep in negotiations with Judd to be included in the tournament. TK already foresaw all of them staying after shift to finish the tournament instead of stretching it out over several shifts. Shifts shared with their paramedic team didn’t line up very well and if they included them they wouldn’t be able to end the tournament in a timely fashion.

“This was a terrible idea,” TK whispered to Paul in the evening once they all settled in the kitchen for dinner.

Owen declared the tournament on hold while they ate, even though he was just as invested in it as everyone else. Despite trying to put up a front of indifference, Owen had studied the table for the matches Judd had drawn out. TK had seen right through it and he was sure half the shift had as well. Judd had pulled a chalkboard out from somewhere during their last call and drawn out a table for the results of their matches in more detail than TK would have ever thought of.

Paul grinned. “No, this will be a new tradition. What do you want to bet that by the end of the year all the shifts in this house will be involved in it?”

TK huffed. “You’re crazy.”

Paul grinned as if that was a compliment.

“I have an announcement,” Tim said loudly and everyone turned to him. He sighed and carded his fingers through his hair. “I had an appointment with the Deputy Chief and some other people from the AFD today. Captain Blake has officially left the AFD as of yesterday, which means a decision about the open position on Nancy and my team needs to be made soon.”

Owen frowned and leaned forward slightly. “She left?”

Tim nodded slowly. “I don’t have many details, but I know she handed in her resignation directly. Her sister was found, and she apparently wants to take time to care for her.”

TK bit his lip and lowered his head so that no one saw the barely concealed protest he had to hold back. Carlos had found Iris nearly three weeks ago, and TK knew that Michelle hadn’t been allowed to visit her at the hospital. Between Carlos’ rising anger about Michelle’s dismissive attitude concerning Iris’ request not to see her and the little TK knew about the investigations against Michelle, he suspected that Michelle had only resigned to get ahead of the AFD firing her. It would probably look better on her resume.

“So, are you promoted to captain now?” Mateo asked eagerly, clearly excited.

Tim shrugged. “That’s one option. And probably the one I’ll take.”

Nancy looked at him with a frown. “You don’t want to be captain.”

“Do you want to risk someone coming in that we have no idea about?” Tim asked. “There are a couple of people on the list for promotions I wouldn’t want to work with. I think we deserve a little bit of peace and quiet on our team after everything. I’m prepared to accept the promotion if it means I’ll have input about the third person who will join us.”

“I wouldn’t mind a permanent placement,” Sasha muttered without looking up from his food.

“What’s your concern about becoming captain?” Owen asked.

Tim shrugged and looked around the table uncomfortably. “A lot of things. I mean, at one point I thought I wanted it, otherwise, I wouldn’t have taken the classes I needed for it.”

Owen hummed thoughtfully and tilted his head to the side. “If you want to talk about anything, or want any advice, my door is open.”

“Thank you,” Tim said smiling. “I’ll probably get back to you about that after dinner.”

Owen smiled brightly and nodded. “Good. Have you had any contact with Michelle herself? I tried to call her a couple of times, wanted to make sure she was alright. But she never answered.”

TK lowered his gaze and bit his lip. He had been very deliberately avoiding talking with Owen about his worry for Michelle. He really couldn’t understand how his father could still be interested in a friendship with her. TK knew that Owen wasn’t aware of everything going on in Michelle’s life, but he would have expected that getting a slap on the wrist by the department after Michelle had sent him to Dustin would have made Owen take a step back from her. Especially as TK knew she hadn’t talked to Owen once since that day.

“She’s been avoiding everyone,” Tim said hesitantly. “She has to deal with a lot, her sister being found is honestly the least of it all.”

Owen sighed. “Fair. I’d just thought we were on the way to becoming friends. And I’m sure she can use a couple of friends right now.”

TK sighed deeply, not for the first time in his life questioning his father’s choice of friends. He felt this time Owen really had dodged a bullet, though Owen would probably never recognize that. TK had wondered for a little while right after he had learned about his father’s stunt with Dustin Shepard, how much trouble Owen would let Michelle Blake drag him into because, despite the trouble he had already been in, he had still insisted that Dustin owed Michelle some answers.

Tim smiled tightly. “Probably isn’t the right time for Michelle to make new friends. And she has people supporting her, so I don’t think you need to be overly worried about her.”

Judd made an all-encompassing gesture around the table. “And you can’t exactly complain about a lack of new friends since you came here!”

“True,” Owen grinned. “I hear you. And all of you are great friends! If maybe a little insane. Am I the only one at this table who isn’t involved in this silly tournament Judd and Paul started?”

TK watched with a grin as everyone exchanged disgruntled looks and Mateo said, dismayed and a little bit too loudly, “It’s not silly, Cap! It’s about honor and skill! You can’t just dismiss the importance of this!”

Owen raised his brows. “It’s foosball.”

The ensuing argument by everyone else trying to convince Owen he was sorely mistaken made TK laugh so hard he had to hold his sides. At the end of dinner, Owen finally gave up his ruse of not being as invested in the tournament just as much as everyone else, though he insisted they draw it out over several shifts, reminding them all that this tournament wasn’t the job the city was paying them for.

After dinner, TK played some training matches against Marjan and Mateo while the rest were absorbed in finding the right schedule for the tournament. TK thought all of this had gone completely overboard by this point, but he also had to agree with Paul. It would probably take on a life of its own very quickly and spread through all the shifts at the 126.

A little over an hour after dinner they were called out to a situation that was already strange when they were briefed by dispatch. At first, it was a breaking-and-entering with the owners of the house—an elderly pair with their young grandson—hiding in the bedroom. It turned out the intruder was the former owner of the house suffering from dementia and he was taken into custody by the police without anyone getting hurt. But just as they were turning around to drive back to their station, dispatch suddenly ordered them back to the same address again because one of the current homeowners was now suffering from a heart attack.

When they arrived at the scene TK allowed himself a second to appreciate Carlos in his uniform. They didn’t overtly flirt when they met at scenes, though sometimes it was very tempting, especially if their call was wrapped up for the most part, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t appreciate each other in their respective uniforms. He exchanged a short grin with Carlos while he got the batting ram out of its compartment at the side of the engine and Carlos closed the back door of the patrol car.

TK was vaguely aware of the patrol car driving away as he entered the house. Dispatch directed them upstairs, where the couple living here and their grandson were still locked in the bedroom. The woman was busy performing CPR on her husband and apparently also too frantic to instruct her grandson how to unlock the door.

When TK broke the door open, his first thought was that the bang of the battering ram hitting the wood, and then the door hitting the wall sounded strange, too loud and too sharp.

He saw the little boy before he felt the pain. The boy was pale, sweat gathering on his forehead, his arms shaking, but his fingers were still clutched around the gun, and the gun was still aimed at them.

It was eerily silent for a long moment while TK wasn’t able to connect what he saw with the pain in his shoulder. Then he heard his father shout his name which broke the suspension. TK stumbled back a step, feeling hands on his back and his arms while someone rushed by him into the room. He saw someone taking the boy to the side and prying the gun out of his hands, and another figure knelt down beside their patient, but he couldn’t make out any faces.

The next thing TK knew he was lying on the ground, his father’s face hovering above him with the same frantic panic contorting his face as he had last seen on that thrice-damned morning after his failed proposal to Alex. TK opened his mouth to reassure his father, to promise that he hadn’t had another relapse, but not a single sound left his throat.

Owen called out TK’s name again, and then everything just vanished into blackness.

 

Chapter 19

Carlos was looking forward to just falling into his bed after his latest shift. The shift itself hadn’t been that exhausting, but his last call had been heartbreaking. It had already been sad to see the man as confused as he was, but his wife’s heartache made Carlos even sadder. He had brought the man to the precinct, and there had been a social worker waiting there with his wife. Carlos had heard the social worker advise her to look for a place in a long-term care facility specializing in dementia patients. It had been clear how unhappy she had been about that advice, and Carlos had forced himself to turn away and let others deal with a situation where he was no longer needed.

Carlos had spent nearly an hour taking care of his paperwork before the end of his shift and his thoughts had kept wandering back to Iris. He had probably read too much about schizophrenia over the last couple of months, but he knew that at some point in her life she might become as lost in her own mind as this man was, even if it would express itself in a very different way. Eventually Carlos might have no other choice than to force her to stay in a clinic indefinitely for her own protection, or that of others, and he dreaded that day.

There had been too much paperwork left at the end of his shift, and Carlos had decided he’d come in an hour earlier the next day instead of dealing with it now. He wasn’t able to concentrate on any of it, too preoccupied with his thoughts about Iris and the hopefully very distant future.

He was just crossing the entrance hall of the precinct when his phone rang, and he took the call without looking at the display. Whoever it was, he would be heading straight home, no matter what they wanted. “Hello?”

“Where are you, Carlos?” Paul’s voice sounded strained, and Carlos stopped mid-stride.

“Just leaving my station. My shift’s only been over for ten minutes.” Carlos frowned and tilted his head. “Are you okay? Did something happen?”

Paul blew out a breath. “You need to come to Westpark. TK’s been shot. He’s in surgery now.”

“What?” Carlos stumbled slightly when his knees nearly gave out on him, and he barely managed to reach the chairs at the side of the room. He sank into one as dread filled up every inch of his body. “What … When?”

Paul sighed. “I’ll explain when you get here, okay? I’m sure he’ll want you here.”

“Yeah.” Carlos pressed his free hand against his leg to stop both his leg and hand from shaking. “I’ll come over right away.”

“Take an Uber,” Paul instructed sternly. “I don’t need two of my friends in the hospital and I don’t trust you to drive on your own right now. I’ll be waiting in front of the main entrance.”

Carlos inhaled shakily and quietly agreed before disconnecting the call. He dropped the phone into his lap and rubbed his hands over his face. He couldn’t bring himself to get up or even just to call the Uber. He felt frozen inside.

He remembered the brief moment earlier when the 126 had arrived at the scene just as Carlos had been preparing to leave, remembered the quick grin TK had sent his way, and the warmth that had spread through him just seeing TK. TK had been okay, and the threat inside the house had been taken care of. A large part of his brain tried to tell Carlos that Paul had to be mistaken.

“Officer Reyes?”

Carlos flinched and looked up to find Detective Washington staring down at him with a worried frown. He blinked and took a deep breath.

Detective Washington eyed him for a moment and then sat down beside him. “What happened? Can I help you somehow?”

“I … just got a call that a friend was shot,” Carlos muttered.

Detective Washington raised her brows. “One of our own?”

“He’s a firefighter.”

Her eyes grew wide. “Oh. I heard about that. You need a lift to the hospital?”

Carlos blinked again, flabbergasted. “I was about to call an Uber.”

Detective Washington chuckled sadly. “You weren’t about to do anything but sit here and stare a hole through the ground, son. Let me drive you to the hospital. It’s more or less on my way anyway.”

Carlos stared at her for a long moment before he slowly nodded. She smiled tightly and stood, waiting patiently until Carlos managed to follow her. His legs felt wobbly, but somehow he managed to follow her to her car without stumbling. He felt strangely disconnected from the world, his thoughts endlessly cycling between Paul’s words and the moment earlier when he had last seen TK.

“A really good friend or your boyfriend?” Detective Washington asked not long after she started to drive.

Carlos swallowed. “A friend.” He had been insisting on that for weeks now despite so many people questioning him about it, and now he wondered if he hadn’t been fooling himself.

Detective Washington hummed. “I’ll share some unsolicited advice with you, Carlos. There is no perfect moment.”

Carlos shook his head with a frown, the confusion drawing him out of his shock. “What?”

“You’ve had a lot going on in your life,” Detective Washington said. “Especially recently, and as I’ve been a part of certain aspects of it, I do know what you’ve been dealing with. But if you’re waiting for the perfect moment to make new connections, to find love, I can only tell you that perfect moment will never come. And you might regret it in the future if you let a chance go by because you are waiting for that perfect moment.”

“I not sure I know what you are talking about.”

Detective Washington chuckled. “I think you do, you’re just trying to pretend you don’t. I’ve seen you react to learning a friend was injured in the line of duty, I’ve seen you react to learning your best friend and wife assumed to be dead, I’ve seen you react to finding out she wasn’t. This is not how you react to a friend being hurt. This is how you react to learning a loved one is hurt.”

“He’s a very good friend,” Carlos muttered reluctantly, staring out of the window to the side. “I’ve only known him for a short while, but he’s helped me a lot with everything that’s happened with Iris lately.”

“You don’t need to explain yourself or your relationship to me,” Detective Washington said. “Just remember my words in the days to come. How is Iris?”

Carlos exhaled slowly, not prepared for the change of topic. “Staying in the clinic to get treatment long term. She still doesn’t want to see Michelle or their mother, and those two are turning into a real problem.”

“That’s honestly what they’ve always been,” Detective Washington said with a huff. “Their attitude did not help with my investigation from the very beginning.” She sighed. “Don’t tell anyone I’m talking this way about the family of a victim. Are they demanding to see Iris?”

“They are preparing to sue me and the hospital,” Carlos said quietly. “I hired a lawyer for Iris so that someone is looking out for her interests without being biased. She hasn’t met her yet, but the lawyer has been in contact with the hospital and Iris’ doctors. They’ll decide when to introduce the two of them, though it will probably need to be soon.”

“Iris is lucky to have you.”

Carlos turned his head to look at her with raised brows. “I remember the kind of questions you asked about our marriage.”

Detective Washington shrugged. “I might not understand how you came to be where you are, but that doesn’t mean I can’t see that you are doing right by her. And I believe you’ve grown a lot since I had that conversation with you, as a man and as an officer.”

Carlos snorted. “Okay.”

“I mean it. When I first met you, you were very troubled. Which is no surprise with the difficult situation you were in. I also felt you were floundering concerning your job. That might have been Michelle Blake’s influence, or the scrutiny you had experienced because of your wife’s disappearance and the details of your relationship being aired to everyone. I’ve watched you become much more comfortable recently, more secure in yourself, I believe.”

“We barely know each other,” Carlos protested.

“I investigated your wife’s disappearance. I know a lot about you,” Detective Washington said amused. “It’s my job to get to know the people involved in the life of the person I’m looking for. And in most cases, it’s better if they don’t notice how well I get to know them.”

Carlos sighed.

“I’ve seen that change in you for a while and I was glad about it,” Detective Washington said. “The most jarring part about the job I’ve dedicated my life to is reaching the point in some cases where family and friends have to decide to move on somehow or give up their own lives to the search for the missing person. It’s hard, but I believe with my whole heart that no one would want their loved ones getting lost in their search.”

“Iris will hate how much her disappearance changed and influenced my life and Michelle’s life once she learns about it,” Carlos agreed quietly. “I haven’t told her much about that yet. I want her to concentrate on herself first, but at some point she’ll start asking questions. And of course, she’ll also be confronted with what her sister and mother are doing.”

“I think you’ll manage that just fine,” Detective Washington said. “You have done so with everything else. Though, I still don’t appreciate the FBI poking at my case without my prior knowledge. The only reason I won’t hold that against you is that I know you called your friend because of Michelle and not Iris.”

Carlos rolled his eyes, and he was glad that they were pulling up in front of the hospital. He really didn’t want to rehash that conversation. “Thank you for the lift.”

Detective Washington smiled. “Of course. I hope your friend recovers soon.”

Carlos just nodded and left the car. For a moment he had been able to push his worry for TK aside while they talked about Iris and everything else, but as soon as he closed the car door, the dread and fear returned full force. Paul looked pale and shaky, and Carlos bit his lip as he felt a hard knot form in his chest. There had to be a reason Paul hadn’t told him anything over the phone except to come to the hospital.

“He’s still in surgery,” Paul said. “I don’t know anything new and it will probably take some time.”

“What happened?” Carlos asked.

Paul nodded at a bench to the side and Carlos followed him reluctantly. He wanted to demand to be taken to TK despite knowing that he wasn’t able to see him right now. It still felt like a bad dream, and a part of Carlos wondered if he really wanted to know the details about what happened. If he didn’t learn about it maybe he would be able to wake up from this nightmare.

“That breaking and entering call, where the culprit turned out to be suffering from dementia and having come home to his old house,” Paul started. “The call turned medical because the current homeowner suffered from a heart attack in the middle of all the excitement.”

Carlos nodded slowly. “I knew about that, yes.”

“The homeowner was guarding the door to his bedroom with his gun, ready to shoot the intruder should he break through the door,” Paul said. “He dropped the gun, of course, when he suffered the heart attack. His wife was completely focused on him and … the grandson picked up the gun. I guess he thought he needed to step in and protect his grandparents. He didn’t know it wasn’t the intruder anymore, but firemen coming to help his grandfather.”

Carlos froze and then shuddered. “Fuck.”

“He looked eight, maybe nine,” Paul whispered. “I was the one who pulled him aside and took the weapon from him while the rest took care of TK and the grandfather. Thankfully others had arrived to stay with him and his grandmother before we were ready to transport TK and the grandfather. TK was hit in the shoulder but it seemed to have nicked his lung, but the surgeon was hopeful about his chances.”

“Hopeful?” Carlos whispered.

Paul sighed. “We can only wait right now.”

“Where is everyone else?” Carlos asked. “Don’t tell me your crew had to go back on shift.”

Paul huffed. “No, the 126 has been taken offline for the rest of the night until B shift takes over. And everyone who was there when TK was shot is on mandatory leave for the next two shifts. We’ll have to attend counseling and get officially cleared for duty by a therapist before we can return. For once I’m actually grateful for that. Means we can all stay here with TK.”

Carlos swallowed and closed his eyes when he realized that he would have to go to work the next day, regardless of how much he wanted to stay right at TK’s side. He might be able to somehow get a couple of free days afterward, he was off for three days anyway after his next shift, but there was no way to get tomorrow off.

“Deputy Chief Redford arrived just after I called you,” Paul continued, unaware of Carlos’ troubled thoughts. “He took Owen aside, and I believe he is staying with Owen while he gives his statement to one of your colleagues. I’ve already given my statement, so has Mateo. Marjan is giving hers right now and Tim and Nancy are still cleaning up and have to give their statement afterward. Judd’s in charge of closing the house down for the rest of the night.”

“Has someone already called TK’s mom? And Enzo?”

“Owen called TK’s mother,” Paul said slowly. “He only got her voicemail, though, and said he’d try again in a little while. Probably after the Deputy Chief leaves again. Not exactly the type of thing you tell someone over voicemail. I don’t think he called Enzo. And I don’t believe any of us has his number. I guess TK’s mom will have to call him.”

Carlos blew out a breath and pulled his phone from his pocket, staring at it resentfully.

Paul chuckled listlessly. “I take it you have Enzo’s number? Figures.”

Carlos looked at him with a frown. “What’s that supposed to mean.”

Paul smiled sadly and shrugged. “Just that’s it’s no surprise, that’s all. Should have thought of it.”

Carlos stared at him for a moment longer before he decided to just get it over with and opened Enzo’s contact information. He hastily dialed before he could chicken out. In TK’s own words, Enzo was his only sane parent, and Carlos was sure he would be relieved if Enzo came to visit him as soon as possible.

Enzo answered after several rings with a confused, “Hello?”

“This is Carlos Reyes from Austin. I’m a friend of TK’s.”

Enzo chuckled. “I remember you very well, Carlos. I don’t remember giving you my number, though.”

Carlos wet his lips and stared at the concrete in front of his feet. “No, TK gave it to me. And I had really hoped I’d never have to use it.”

Enzo was quiet for a moment and then he whispered, “What happened?”

“TK’s in surgery and I’ve been told by Paul his doctors are hopeful,” Carlos said quietly. “TK was shot in the shoulder during a call earlier.”

“Shot?” Enzo asked, sounding incredulous. He took a deep breath. “I’ll take the next flight I can get. Do you know if Owen has already called Gwyn?”

“Paul said he did, but only got her voicemail,” Carlos said. “It’s all very … hectic here. Police are taking statements; the Deputy Chief is talking with Owen right now. Might be good if you tried to call her.”

“She’s busy with meetings all day today and tends to ignore her personal phone on days like this,” Enzo muttered. “Plus the time change. What time is it even in China right now? I’ll try to call her as soon as I’m in Austin. Less chance of her freaking out about Owen and I both trying to reach her while we both might not be available to receive a call when she notices it.”

Carlos shrugged without saying anything.

“Were you there when it happened?”

“Not anymore,” Carlos murmured. “I’d just left a couple of minutes earlier, I think. I … haven’t gotten many details yet.”

Enzo hummed. “Do you know if Owen remembered to tell the doctors about TK’s addiction?”

Carlos sucked in a breath and turned to Paul, cursing himself silently for not having remembered to ask about that. “Did Owen tell them about the drugs?”

Paul’s face darkened and he shrugged. “I did when I noticed Owen was leaving it out. He got angry at me about it, but the doctor thanked me and promised they’ll try to avoid opioids if at all possible. If there aren’t any major complications, they’ll be able to do that.”

“Why would Owen get angry about you mentioning that?” Carlos asked flabbergasted. “That’s important medical information!”

“Because Owen believes keeping quiet about TK’s addiction will somehow solve the problem,” Enzo said, sounding tired and aggravated at the same time. “Please give Paul my thanks for looking out for TK. He’ll be very grateful for it—it’s not the first time Owen didn’t tell hospital staff about the issue.” There was a short pause and then he continued, “There is an available flight going out in three hours, last flight for the night. That should be just enough time to pack some essentials and get to the airport. I’ll be in Austin by early morning.”

“I’ll keep you posted on everything I hear,” Carlos promised.

“I appreciate that very much,” Enzo said quietly. “May I call you when I land in Austin?”

“Yes, of course. And don’t worry about a hotel, I have a guest room,” Carlos offered.

Enzo chuckled. “I might take you up on that offer for a night or two, thank you. And thank you for calling me.”

“Of course,” Carlos said quietly. “To give you the same advice Paul gave me: Take an Uber, don’t drive yourself.”

Enzo laughed. “Tell Paul Hi from me. I’ll see you all soon.”

The call disconnected and Carlos rubbed his thumb over the dark screen, staring at it forlornly. “You were with Owen when he talked to the doctors? The whole time?”

Paul put a hand on Carlos’ back and rubbed small circles over it. “Yeah. We didn’t think it would be good to leave Cap alone. He was standing right beside TK when it happened. I’m pretty sure he’ll be benched longer than the rest of us.”

“What did they say?”

Paul was quiet for a while and then he sighed. “There was some internal damage they were worried about. He … coded right after we arrived here, but they managed to stabilize his vitals in no time. He’ll be alright, Carlos. He has a lot to fight for, he won’t just give up.”

Carlos swallowed and blinked back tears.

“We were shown to a waiting area before we all separated,” Paul said. “Let’s go there.”

“I’m in love with TK,” Carlos murmured.

Paul barked out a startled laugh. “Yeah, man, I know. Everyone has known that for a while except you and TK. The two of you are sickeningly in love with each other and utterly blind to it. It became absurd to watch weeks ago.”

“I told Iris just last week that I wasn’t,” Carlos whispered. “That it would be easy to fall in love with TK, but that I wouldn’t let myself do it.” He closed his eyes and whispered through gritted teeth, “It’s not what we agreed on.”

“So, change your agreement when TK’s awake again,” Paul said. “Don’t expect me to talk you out of any of it. Especially after you pushed me at Asha. You’ve been happy together so far, right? And I guess you both already know each other’s darkest secrets, so they won’t be a hindrance or stumbling block either.”

***

TK felt warm and floaty in a way he thought should be alarming when he slowly came to awareness again. The first thing he felt was a hand playing with his hair and another hand wrapped around his right arm. The pain came second, and while he didn’t immediately remember why exactly he was in pain, he knew there should be more of it than he felt at the moment.

He rolled his head to the side, in the direction of the person beside him, before he slowly opened his eyes. Carlos was staring down at him, face pale and with his lips pressed into a thin line, making his small smile barely recognizable. The hand in TK’s hair didn’t pause its caressing for a moment, but the other hand wrapped around his arm tightened significantly.

“Hey,” TK whispered. He still didn’t remember why he was in the hospital, but for a moment it didn’t matter. He was stupidly glad to find Carlos by his bed side and thought that at least for a little while he could be happy with just the two of them here and the rest of the world forgotten.

Carlos wet his bottom lip. “Hey. It’s really good to see you awake.”

TK swallowed and then blew out a breath. He tried to sit up but gave up right away when pain shot through his left shoulder at the same time as Carlos very carefully pushed him back down.

TK groaned. “What happened?”

He was confused, as usually happened when he woke up in the hospital, but he felt much calmer than he was used to in these moments. Waking up to Carlos at his side was grounding in a way TK didn’t know how to deal with. He was too dizzy to think about it much at the moment anyway, and he decided to push aside any confusion about that for the moment and just enjoy it.

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Carlos asked.

TK frowned at him. “I think we were on a medical call with a locked room? Something about a burglar. You were there, right?”

Carlos smiled sadly. “I left as you arrived. I didn’t know what happened until Paul called me.”

“What happened? I think we went into the house, but … was there a second burglar we didn’t know about?”

Carlos shook his head. “No.” He sighed. “The homeowner’s grandson thought you were the burglar when you broke down the bedroom door.”

“Oh.” TK exhaled slowly. There was a picture in his head suddenly of a little boy holding a gun, pale and wide-eyed. He swallowed against the lump in his throat. “He’s blond, right? And really young?”

“Paul said eight or nine,” Carlos agreed.

TK nodded carefully, feeling heartbroken for the boy he remembered and at the same time relieved he didn’t remember anything else about that moment. Then TK’s eyes grew wide, and he gasped for air when he suddenly recognized that being in the hospital after being shot also meant pain medication.

“What did they give me?” His heart was racing as he realized even more that there wasn’t enough pain and that he felt too calm and too detached overall, and one of the monitors he was hooked up to blared with a sharp alarm. “Did Dad … he never remembers!”

“Shh!” Carlos leaned over him and pressed their foreheads together. “They know and they didn’t give you opioids. Paul told the doctor who admitted you. It’s alright, okay?”

TK shook his head, tears burning his eyes. It wouldn’t be the first time he had a relapse because of drugs he’d been given while being treated for injuries while he was unconscious.

Carlos kissed his forehead. “I promise you it will be alright. No matter what, you aren’t alone.” He sighed and pulled back far enough to smile down at TK. “The doctor should arrive any moment now. We can talk about everything as soon as they’ve checked you out.”

TK blew out a shaky breath and nodded slowly. He believed Carlos, even if his experiences of the past had been very different.

Carlos pressed another soft kiss against his temple and TK whimpered a little when the hand in his hair vanished. He immediately felt lost, but at least Carlos left his other arm where it was pressed against TK’s side with his fingers still wrapped around TK’s upper arm, grounding him. What Carlos told him didn’t seem real at all, and he felt he would be completely lost if Carlos left.

When the doctor arrived his barely voiced protest about Carlos stepping away was initially ignored by both, though at least Carlos stayed in the room, hovering near the door, after TK gave his permission for Carlos to hear whatever the doctor had to say. TK dutifully answered every question the doctor asked him, but he was barely able to follow the explanations about the damage the bullet had caused and what they had done to repair it. All he got out of it was that at one point his body had started to shut down because of the blood loss, but that so far there didn’t seem to be any long-term damage.

TK also learned that he had been in a coma for nearly four days, which felt even more surreal than the thought of being shot. There was some talk about a treatment plan for his shoulder for the time being and some cautious plans about starting PT, but the doctor didn’t want to give a prognosis about TK getting back full range of motion in his shoulder at this point. He was glad when the doctor eventually left, and Carlos sat down in the chair beside the bed again.

“Where’s Dad?” TK asked quietly. He reached out his hand and was grateful when Carlos took it without TK having to ask for it. It wasn’t quite enough, not when TK craved the same kind of closeness he had woken up to, but he also didn’t know how to ask for that, so he just accepted what he got.

“Tim finally convinced him to go home, take a shower and get a couple of hours of sleep in his own bed instead of one of these chairs. He’ll be back for breakfast with everyone else.”

TK frowned. “Breakfast?”

Carlos smiled softly. “It’s Judd and Grace’s turn to bring breakfast for everyone. That’s scheduled for—” He turned his head to look at the clock in the hall outside TK’s room that could be seen through the glass walls. “— two hours from now. A little later than the last couple of days because Mateo and Marjan have appointments with department therapists this morning. Everyone else will arrive over the next hour, I think.”

TK blinked. “I think I missed something.”

“We’ve all been waiting for you to wake up,” Carlos whispered. “Owen’s not the only one who barely left, if at all. Enzo spent the night in his hotel room last night reluctantly. The nurses here restricted us by only allowing two people to stay overnight after the first night. Owen stayed the whole time and Enzo and I switched places every night. The rest show up as early as they are allowed inside the hospital each morning and only leave in the evening when they get thrown out.”

“Oh.” TK blinked, overwhelmed. “That’s nice.”

Carlos chuckled. “Everyone’s been terribly worried about you.”

“I’m sorry,” TK murmured.

Carlos shook his head. “Don’t be. You did exactly what we all expected of you. It’s not your fault you got hurt.”

TK frowned. “You said Enzo is here.”

“Of course. He didn’t hesitate to book a flight as soon as I called him. I offered him my guest room, but he only accepted that for the first two days until he found a hotel he was happy with not too far from here.”

TK smiled and squeezed Carlos’ hand. “Don’t be hurt by that. Enzo hates to stay in anyone’s guestroom. He also hates having people invade on his own private space. He and Mom have a guest room, but I think I’ve been the only person who’s ever been allowed to actually use that room. He’d rather pay for his friend’s hotel rooms than have them stay at his place.” He sighed. “Thanks for calling him.”

“I had really hoped I’d never have to use his number for this, you know?” Carlos whispered. “But I’m glad I could call him for you. You should be prepared for Owen and him clashing, though. Aside from being worried about you, Owen has been very … angry about several things.”

“Yeah, I figured,” TK muttered.

He’d need to thank Paul for informing the hospital staff about his addiction, and he would need to find a moment to do it when his father wouldn’t overhear. Between Enzo showing up and that decision being taken out of his hands, Owen had to be fuming.

His father craved control in moments like this, not just when TK was in the hospital because of some injury suffered on the job but when any of his firefighters ended up in the hospital, and their crew in New York had always catered to Owen’s wishes in that respect. It had probably never been clearer to Owen than in these last couple of days that while everyone here respected him greatly as their captain, they were firmly drawing different lines than their team in New York had.

“What about Mom?”

Carlos sighed and turned his head away.

“I don’t expect her to come, you know,” TK said softly and tugged on Carlos’ hand. “Just tell me she knows. There was this one time when she was in Taiwan and I ended up in the hospital. Dad couldn’t reach her for quite some time, and then he just forgot to try again. She was furious for years, even though she could have just called him back earlier herself.”

Carlos huffed. “She knows. It took Enzo and Owen nearly a whole day to reach her. Because first she was in meetings and didn’t care to call Owen back when she saw his missed calls. And when Enzo arrived here and tried to reach her, it was night for her, and she was asleep. When she finally called back, you were long out of surgery, and we were already waiting for you to wake up. I’m sorry she isn’t coming back for you. Though, I heard she cussed out the doctor over the phone.”

TK shook his head. “Don’t be sorry. It’s never been … I know she loves me, and she’d move mountains for me. But her work’s always been her priority. If she believes she can manage a family situation from afar she won’t jeopardize a project for it.”

“It shouldn’t be that way,” Carlos muttered darkly. “She should be here for you.”

“I’d be wondering who was impersonating her if she was here,” TK said amused. “Mom will come when her project in China is wrapped up. And I’ll be done with her hovering before the first week is over, but I’ll just have to bear it for however long she needs to calm down. Honestly, I’m glad I have some time to get on my feet again first.”

“Even when I was barely talking with my parents, they were there when I was hurt without exception,” Carlos muttered with a frown.

TK smiled tiredly. “Told you Enzo is the only sane one. The only reliable one. I’m glad he’s here. Thanks for calling him.”

Carlos leaned forward slightly and eyed TK worriedly. “You already said that.”

TK chuckled. “Yeah, I know. I might repeat it a couple more times because it’s really important to me that he’s here. And I know Dad wouldn’t have called him even if I had asked him to.” He dropped his arm back to the bed and smiled thankfully when Carlos immediately grabbed his hand again. “You look tired.”

“You nearly died. And then the doctors said there could be brain damage. Sitting here and waiting for you to wake up wasn’t easy.”

“I’ll be fine,” TK whispered.

Carlos sighed and lowered his gaze. “I should call the rest, tell them you’re awake.”

TK shook his head and pulled on Carlos’ hand until he moved the chair closer to the bed. “You said they’ll arrive over the next two hours anyway. I’d like to enjoy some time with just you. I … like that you were here when I woke up. And that we’re alone.”

Carlos smiled and finally returned to caressing TK’s hair again. “Yeah?”

TK grinned lopsidedly. “Yeah.”

“I think I’ve done something foolish,” Carlos whispered, not quite meeting TK’s gaze.

TK bit his lip and laced their fingers together. “Yeah, same.”

Carlos swallowed and sucked in a breath, but he didn’t say anything.

“Let’s just take each day as it comes, okay?” TK murmured. “We’ll figure it out, but maybe not right now. We have time.”

 

Chapter 20

TK didn’t know if he’d ever had so much fuss about him when he was injured on the job as the 126 made. As soon as the rest arrived, TK had been even more relieved that Carlos honored his request not to call the others right away. It was a little overwhelming to have everyone hover over him, and not even just his immediate team but also Grace and Asha. TK was just glad that at least his father’s current girlfriend was keeping a little distance despite Owen dragging her to the hospital as well.

Everyone shared breakfast in his room, engaging in benign conversations once TK made everyone understand he had no interest in talking about what had happened, mostly because he didn’t remember and really didn’t want to hear the other’s perspectives. It was fascinating to see how the tension slowly bled away from everyone during the hour they spent eating. Everyone kept turning to look at him as if to make sure he was really awake and TK soon started to make faces at anyone he caught at it, sending the whole room into fits of laughter.

Soon after they had finished eating TK was taken from the room by a nurse and spent what felt like hours upon hours enduring tests. He was returned to his room just as the hospital served lunch, and Enzo was the only one still there. TK couldn’t hide that he was relieved about that, because as fun as it had been to share breakfast with everyone, it had also been very exhausting.

“You have a great team here,” Enzo said as he settled in the chair Carlos had occupied earlier and not given up even when Owen had outright demanded the place by his son’s bed.

“A little overbearing maybe,” TK chuckled. “Thanks for being here, Papa. I know Dad’s not making it easy on you.”

“I can handle Owen all on my own, son, that’s the last thing you need to worry about.”

TK huffed. “No, worrying about Dad is exactly what I need to do!” He bit his lip and stared at his hands, folded in his lap. “He didn’t tell the doctors about my addiction again. After I had a very frank discussion … argument, really, with him about handling it just a little while ago.”

“You can’t teach an old dog new tricks,” Enzo said.

TK laughed, not even bothered by the pain that caused in his shoulder. “Please say that to his face when I can see his reaction.”

“Anyway, you clearly have others you can depend on for that now,” Enzo said softly. “They are managing your pain with non-opioids right now, aren’t they?”

TK nodded slowly. “Can you arrange some kind of gift basket for Paul for me? I’m … This would suck so much more if I also had to deal with a relapse right now.”

Enzo chuckled. “I’ll see what I can do. How do you feel?”

TK shrugged with his good shoulder. “As if I’ve been hit by a truck. They want to keep me for a couple more days, and as exhausting as going through those tests earlier was I won’t even protest.”

“Your lung collapsed,” Enzo said. “Thankfully not until after you were already here so they could deal with it immediately, but that’s still a lot of damage your body has to repair. Healing is exhausting all on its own, but you know the drill for all of this.”

TK groaned. “I hate being sick.”

“You hate having to depend on others to care for you,” Enzo said quietly. “I think that’s your biggest problem and always has been.”

“That’s the same, right?” TK rolled his eyes. “They couldn’t even tell me how long it will be yet before I can use my arm again. But at least I have an appointment with the physiotherapist this afternoon, maybe they can tell me more.”

Enzo watched him with raised brows. “I’ll be staying for the next two weeks. I’ve arranged to work remotely and there isn’t anything I need to return to New York for right now. I’ll be here to help with whatever you need. But I’ve already decided to rope Carlos into making sure you don’t overdo PT.”

TK glared at him.

“You know you need to pace yourself. I’m still in the process of deciding who else can be trusted to keep your enthusiasm at bay a little bit. Probably not a good idea to ask any of the other firefighters, so the best choice might be Judd’s wife or Paul’s girlfriend.”

“Don’t you dare,” TK hissed.

Enzo laughed. “I have two weeks to decide. Or I might just return after the two days I have to be in New York.”

TK huffed.

Enzo leaned forward and braced his arms on the bed, a sly grin on his face. “So, are you ready to talk about Carlos now?”

“Still nothing to talk about there.”

Enzo hummed. “You’re still trying to tell me you’re just friends?”

“Didn’t say that,” TK muttered, averting his gaze. “Just that there is nothing we need to talk about. Carlos and I are perfectly capable figuring this out on our own.”

“I’m glad you at least acknowledge there is something to figure out,” Enzo said softly. “He makes you happy, right?”

TK wet his lip. “He makes me feel safe.”

That had been a startling realization when TK had woken up earlier, and something he was still trying to wrap his head around. He hadn’t been worried about being in the hospital because Carlos had been there. And he hadn’t fallen into a full-blown panic about the pain medication he was being treated with because Carlos had assured him it was okay. TK had trusted him and his promise, even if he had only recognized that much later, somewhere between getting an x-ray of his chest and the dressing on his shoulder being changed.

“Sounds about right,” Enzo said with a smile. “If he could have, he probably would have stayed in this room without leaving at all until you woke up.”

“I was glad he was at my side when I woke up,” TK whispered. “Don’t get me wrong, but it was a lot better than having you or Dad sitting there.”

Enzo chuckled. “I’m not surprised. I think he’s good for you, for what it’s worth. He’s a good man. And I think you trust him more than you even realize yet. I was surprised at first that you had given him my number, but I understood it a lot better earlier during breakfast.”

TK frowned. “What do you mean?”

Enzo laughed. “Aside from the hilarious face Owen made when Carlos told him he was perfectly fine where he was sitting? You and Carlos are very attuned to each other, and I think he was reacting in that moment to your clear discomfort at the idea of having him leave your side. You grabbed his wrist in an iron-tight grip as soon as Owen turned to him, and I don’t think Owen missed that, either.”

“It’s not that I didn’t want Dad there,” TK muttered uncomfortably.

“No, you just didn’t want Carlos to move away, for anyone,” Enzo agreed. “You grounded yourself in having him at your side, in holding on to him. And Carlos was so focused on you, even when he was talking to someone else, that he always knew you needed something before you made up your mind to ask for help.”

TK sighed. “You know, I really didn’t plan to come to Austin and fall in love.”

Enzo laughed wholeheartedly. “Does anyone ever plan to fall in love? I know the whole situation with Alex is still deeply painful for you, but I’m glad it hasn’t stopped you from making a new connection, from taking another chance. You deserve to be happy. And judging by this morning, by everyone who was gathered here, not just Carlos, I feel you are on the right path to such a place of happiness.”

TK rolled his eyes. “It was supposed to be a single hookup. I didn’t even plan to exchange numbers the first time I went home with Carlos. And then we were suddenly sharing our fucked-up past love lives over the best Pho in town.”

Enzo chuckled. “Maybe the two of you can show me this best Pho in town while I’m here.”

TK grinned and nodded in agreement. Maybe he could even convince Carlos to bring some to the hospital so that he could escape the hospital food. He hadn’t felt very hungry through breakfast and barely ate anything, but that had changed with lunch. The hospital food had, as always, been a great disappointment, and TK had made sure to ask the nurse if there were any restrictions on his food. The less hospital food he had to endure the better, and he was hoping that everyone would be eager to provide him with alternatives.

For a little while Enzo and TK fell into an easy conversation about life in Austin and news from New York without touching on any more deep topics like TK’s relationship with Carlos or the brewing conflict with Owen. They were interrupted by a knock on the door a little while later, and when TK looked up he found Varun standing there.

“Hey!” TK said, grinning. “What are you doing here?”

Varun raised his brows. “Judd called to tell us that you are awake and the masses have left you alone. I asked him to tell me when it would be a good time to visit you.”

TK waved him in and then pointed at Enzo. “This is my stepdad Enzo. Enzo, one of my future housemates, Varun. My future landlord, in fact.” He paused with a frown. “That’s still valid, right? You didn’t kick me out because I missed my move-in date?”

Varun laughed and stopped at the end of TK’s bed. “Of course we didn’t kick you out. The AFD isn’t that big and it’s not every day one of our own gets shot. I knew what had happened to you before Judd remembered to call me. Your room is waiting for you. Though, you should be prepared for Sara to micromanage your recovery. And we don’t even have Emiliano there to temper her anymore. There are downsides to living with a doctor.”

TK laughed. “I’m sure I’ll survive.”

“You doing okay?” Varun asked. “Judd wasn’t very open with sharing information.”

“Right now, I feel okay,” TK said, shrugging with his good shoulder. “Ask me again in a couple of days once I’ve had time to realize I was shot. And when I know what to expect concerning my recovery.

“Deal,” Varun said. “An injured shoulder can be a pain in the ass. I—”

“Hey. Oh, a new face.”

TK rolled his eyes at his father as he came into the room, carrying coffee for both Enzo and himself, and TK was still envious he wouldn’t get any of that himself. “Dad, you should remember Varun. He’s with the 148. One of my new roommates.”

Owen paused mid-step and eyed Varun from head to toe. “Right, we met on a call in the past, right?”

Varun laughed. “Twice so far, Captain Strand.”

Owen handed one coffee to Enzo and waved his hand. “It’s Owen. If I’d known you were coming to visit TK, I’d have brought you a coffee as well.”

“That’s no problem.” Varun shook his head. “I don’t want to intrude for long anyway. Just checking in on TK because Judd was stingy with information. I think you can expect the rest to show up as well at one point or another.”

Owen sat down on the chair he had dragged to the other side of TK’s bed earlier when Carlos hadn’t given up his place at TK’s good side. “That’s very thoughtful of you.”

Varun shrugged. “TK’s move might have been delayed, but he’s still already one of us. We look out for each other.”

Owen crossed his arms over his chest. “I think that situation’s changed given the new circumstances.”

“It has not!” TK said agitated, glaring at his father.

“TK,” Owen said conciliatorily. “You need time to recover, and you’ll need help with that. I believe it’s a good thing this happened before you moved your things. I’ll have your bags unpacked before you are…”

“No!” TK interrupted him darkly. “This changes nothing concerning my move, Dad. If anything, it’s making it even more important that I move.”

Owen reared back “TK…”

“We have talked about this ad nauseam! You know why I need this move, and right now all of those reasons have tripled! I don’t care if I have nothing there but the guest bed because it could be weeks before I’m able to move my things. I love you, Dad, but I can’t keep living with you.”

“And you think living with strangers while you are physically impaired is a good idea?” Owen asked darkly.

“Are you prepared to throw away all the expensive booze you’ve collected?” TK asked.

Owen frowned, clearly confused and taken aback. “What?”

“I’ve told you more than once that alcohol is its own kind of temptation,” TK said. “I’m in pain, and there’ll be days in the weeks to come when I’ll be in a lot more pain than right now, when everything will just be too uncomfortable, and my skin will feel too tight. I’m craving a high right now, and I’m not sure I would say no if someone came in right now and offered me any kind of trip, no matter what kind of drug.”

Owen threw Varun an uncomfortable look and shifted around in his chair.

“But at least I can trust that the others are looking out for me, that there will be no one here to offer me a trip. I’m not going to find out what could happen on one of the bad days if I’m alone at home, mentally and physically exhausted from not enough sleep and a gruesome PT session. If the cluster fuck with Alex taught me anything it’s how weak I am. And if you really understood that, you’d have never brought alcohol into the house you wanted to share with me without talking about it first. I don’t feel safe living with you.”

Owen flinched, pale and wide-eyed, his hands shaking where he was pressing them against his legs.

TK swallowed, feeling his own heart break, and he was glad when Enzo grabbed his wrist and squeezed tightly, grounding him. A part of him felt sorry for his father, but he had already been at the end of his rope about this argument between them for a while. At the moment, he didn’t have the patience to hold back any of his thoughts that might hurt Owen, not even to at least try to rephrase it to make it less painful.

He shook his head when his father opened his mouth. “Before you say anything, it really won’t change anything if you throw that booze out now. It’s just one example of many about the lack of effective communication between us that’s been going on for a long time. And there is no miracle fix for it, especially not in a situation when I’m as vulnerable as I am right now.”

TK blew out a breath and leaned back heavily. He couldn’t remember if he had ever been this open with his father. Owen didn’t like talking about TK’s addiction, and he had clearly been uncomfortable with TK’s decision to be so open about it with their new team here in Austin. TK had never dared to push through Owen’s unwillingness to hear anything about it, but it felt surprisingly good to get all of this off his chest.

An uncomfortable silence reigned in the room for several minutes.

Eventually, Varun cleared his throat. “If you would grant us access to your house, Captain Strand, we can take care of the move and have TK’s room ready before he’s released.”

TK watched his father stare blankly at some point on the bed. He couldn’t read Owen at all right now and he blew out a relieved breath when Owen nodded.

“Yeah, sure,” Owen said hoarsely.

Varun smiled, and TK hoped he wasn’t too put out by the awkward display he’d just had to witness between TK and his dad. “Emiliano took what little alcohol we had in the house with him. And Sara has locked away all the medicine we keep in the house for the time being.”

“Thank you,” TK whispered weakly.

“Of course,” Varun said softly, and TK very deliberately didn’t look at Owen when he heard his gasp for air in a way that could have very well been a sob. Instead, he started to discuss how to position his furniture in his new room with Varun to give his father a moment to himself without the rest of them staring at him.

***

Iris frowned when she turned to Carlos, and he sighed. He hadn’t been to visit her since TK had been shot, and while he had expected her to ask about his lack of visits, he clearly hadn’t been able to pull himself together as much as he had hoped. He had called the hospital and asked them to warn her that he wouldn’t be able to visit for a couple of days, but he had asked them not to tell her what exactly was stopping him from coming by. Carlos hadn’t wanted to worry her.

Iris came up to him and cradled his face in her hands. “What happened? Did you have a bad call? Were you hurt?”

Carlos blew out his breath. “I’m not hurt, but a bad call is one way to put it. One of my firefighter friends was shot on a call.”

Iris tilted her head to the side, her thumbs rubbing over his cheekbones. “Your boyfriend?”

Carlos rolled his eyes. “He’s not … Or maybe he is. Yes, TK.”

Iris smiled softly. “How’s he doing?”

“He woke up from four days in a coma this morning,” Carlos muttered and followed her without protest when she grabbed his hand and pulled him over to the bench which they had somehow made their own. “He was surprisingly coherent.”

Iris frowned. “Why aren’t you with him, then? I could have waited a couple more days for your next visit. I don’t expect you to visit me every other day for months or even years to come, you know?”

Carlos grinned lopsidedly. “I felt like I needed to give his father and stepfather a little bit of time with him. I already hogged him this morning. Didn’t call anyone when he woke up and we had nearly an hour to ourselves before the rest started to show up. I’ll go back for a little while this evening.”

Iris chuckled. “That’s good to know. You should prioritize visiting him over me for the moment. As I said, I miss you, but I don’t need to see you every day.”

Carlos made a face and glared at a bush on the other side of the gravel path. “I’ve got a very inconvenient shift tomorrow and I wasn’t able to take any time off. I don’t think his doctors and nurses will be as helpful as yours and let me see him outside of the official visiting hours. I’ll only have time for another visit early the day after tomorrow before my shift.”

Iris laughed. “I’m sure you’ll both survive it.”

Carlos rolled his eyes and folded his arms over his chest. During the hours he had been banned from the hospital he had dedicated a lot of time calling friends and colleagues, trying to find someone who would take over one or two of his shifts either because they still owed him a favor or in exchange for one of their shifts a couple of weeks down the road. It had all been in vain, even though most of them had offered him their sympathy. Everyone either had a shift themselves or they weren’t able to postpone the plans they had for their free days.

Iris poked his shoulder and watched him with raised brows and a wicked grin. “At least you’ve given up denying he’s your boyfriend.”

Carlos carded his fingers through his hair and sighed. “That’s something we still need to talk about. But I think TK and I are on the same page there. Even if we agreed on something else in the beginning.”

He hadn’t meant to bring up that topic in the morning right after TK had woken up, but somehow his relief had been so overwhelming that he hadn’t been able to keep his realization to himself. Carlos just hoped that TK hadn’t misunderstood his words or interpreted them some other way. It hadn’t seemed that way during their shared breakfast with everyone, but there was still a tiny doubt burrowed in the back of his mind which he had been battling since that morning. He wanted to have that conversation with TK as soon as possible, but he understood why TK would need some time to deal with everything else first.

“Because a friends-with-benefits arrangement could have ever worked out for you,” Iris mocked him lightheartedly.

“Hey,” Carlos protested with a frown. “I’ve spent years having casual sex and never fell in love with any of those guys.”

“You also weren’t friends with those guys,” Iris said. “At least not while I was still there, and I don’t believe for a moment that’s changed in the last three years.”

Carlos huffed. “I think I misremembered how much I enjoyed having someone in my life who knows me as well as you do. It’s clearly more of a hindrance than anything else!”

Iris laughed. “You haven’t gotten better at lying either!”

Carlos watched her with a soft smile. “That’s not really something I’d like to achieve. I’m glad we have a chance to become part of each other’s lives again. I missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” Iris whispered. She turned half away from him and sighed deeply. “You hired a lawyer for me.”

Carlos swallowed and wished she’d go back to teasing him about TK again. “I did. Did you meet her yet?”

“Yesterday,” Iris said. “She’s nice. And concerning her work, she is clearly no-nonsense and dedicated. Exactly the kind of woman I’d have hire for myself if I knew I needed a lawyer. Lauren said you wanted someone who’d look out for my legal interests independently from everyone else. But she didn’t tell me why you thought I needed a lawyer. She said you had asked to tell me yourself.”

“I did,” Carlos muttered. “Did you finalize that hiring process? She told you that it’d be your choice in the end, right?”

“She did. And she also offered recommendations if I felt you had made the wrong choice. But I signed all the paperwork she needed to represent me whenever it’s needed. She said there is some argument brewing between you and my sister, but that’s all I got out of her.”

Carlos exhaled slowly and leaned back, staring up into the sky. “Argument is too nice a word, really. I didn’t tell you so far because … I don’t want to burden you with this. You should be able to concentrate on yourself without having to deal with … your mother and sister’s delusions.”

Iris groaned and grabbed his hand. “Oh my god, what did they do?”

“What didn’t they do?” Carlos asked darkly. He shook his head and looked at her. “In the beginning, I even thought I understood Michelle, at least to some extent. Your disappearance was very difficult for her, partially at least because she had ignored your calls that night and felt guilty about it. She believed, probably still believes, that things would have turned out differently if she had accepted one of your calls.”

“That’s bullshit,” Iris muttered.

Carlos shrugged. “Who knows? You might have waited for Michelle to pick you up from that bar and we might have finally noticed that something was going on with you. Or you might still have gone with your new friends and disappeared.”

“Or I might have gone with some stranger when I ran out of patience waiting for Michelle to show up and ended up dead after all.”

Carlos shuddered. “Anyway. She was very determined to find you, and not everything she did to that end was above board. And your mother is … has always been difficult. I’m sure you haven’t forgotten that.”

Iris hummed.

“I told you we thought for a couple of weeks you were dead, right?” Carlos whispered, turning his gaze away from her. “We found your bracelet and your purse in the wrecked car, so of course we assumed you had died in that accident. Which meant I was preparing to deal with your estate. And I fully expected to be sued by your mother for at least your money. She had already tried to argue I should give all of it to her once before.”

Iris huffed. “Of course she did.”

“Both Michelle and your mother have already warned me that they plan to sue me and the hospital for access to you, and I fear they’ll also sue for control over you.” Carlos sighed. “Declaring you mentally unfit and in need of a legal guardian, which should of course be your mother.”

“You have my medical proxy and are my POA,” Iris said with a frown. “I made very sure that was ironclad when we had those papers drawn up, that it would be this way even after the divorce.”

“And I’m also still currently your husband,” Carlos agreed. “But Theresa will contest that. She’ll argue we were practically already divorced, which isn’t even a lie. I just never filed the paperwork after you disappeared. And she’ll find ways to argue against me being your POA. She won’t succeed, though. That’s why I hired Lauren for you and why I have my own lawyer on retainer as well.”

Iris worried her lips between her teeth. “Do you think they would back off and leave you alone if I allowed them to visit?”

Carlos stared at her. “Do you want to see them? Have your feelings about that changed?”

“No. But if it would make things easier for you…”

“I don’t believe it would,” Carlos interrupted her softly. “With Michelle, maybe. Or maybe not. I think your mother has tightly pulled her into her own machinations. And I think we can be very sure that your mother won’t back off no matter what you do. Except maybe if you transferred all of your money to her. And even then, she might still want to gain control over you.”

“She would,” Iris agreed darkly. “She resented the hell out of you because you helped me get away from her control long before we went to Vegas. The money is probably just a bonus.”

“Don’t invite them just because you believe it would make things easier,” Carlos said. “Only invite either of them if you really want to see them. I can handle myself against them just fine. And I stand by what I said, you need to concentrate on yourself.” He tucked a wayward strand of hair behind her ear and then cupped her cheek with his hand. “It doesn’t matter what Michelle and Theresa get up to.”

Iris glared at him. “But you hired a lawyer for me so that there would be an additional barrier between me and them, just in case they succeed and some court decides that neither being my husband nor the paperwork we prepared matter.”

Carlos shrugged. “I’m just making sure you are protected. And having a lawyer of your own also protects me from being accused of unduly influencing you. Not that Theresa won’t bring that argument up again. Michelle has been spouting it as well for a while. I tricked you into marrying me so that I could hide being gay, and all that bullshit.”

“If anyone tricked the other into our marriage it was me,” Iris muttered with a frown. “I’m honestly surprised you didn’t file the divorce.”

“And I’ve been really relieved about that since I found you,” Carlos said softly. “It’s been making a lot of things so much easier.” He sighed deeply and shrugged. “I couldn’t let go of that connection to you. It felt like the only thing I had left of you, and I know how absurd that sounds. But … the last six months or so, before you disappeared, it felt like we had grown so far apart because our lives were just to busy. You have no idea how much I regretted that once you were gone. There wasn’t any way to change it, but at least being married to you gave me something to hold on to.”

Iris leaned against him, resting her head on his shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”

Carlos chuckled sadly and tried to blink away the tears in his eyes. “It’s really not your fault.”

“Isn’t it, though?” Iris whispered. “Shouldn’t I have noticed that something was going on with me?”

“You know that’s bullshit,” Carlos said softly and kissed her hair. “I’m pretty sure you know more about schizophrenia than I do. From everything I’ve read, from your perspective nothing strange was going on with you at all, but with the people around you. Dustin, Michelle, me, other friends of yours, we are the ones who should have noticed. And at least Dustin and Michelle did, they just didn’t put the clues together until very recently.”

Iris was silent for a little while. “How is Dustin?”

Carlos stared at the bush on the other side of the path again while he pondered how to answer that question. So far, Iris hadn’t been overly affected by learning about some of Michelle’s behavior, but Carlos had also been very careful about the things he said about Michelle. Discussing Dustin might just bring up things that Iris wouldn’t be able to push away for the moment—because he was sure that was all she had done with the information about her sister and mother so far, pushing it away to deal with at some later point.

“He’s okay, I guess,” Carlos said eventually. “He is preparing to leave Austin and move to be near his sister. So far it looks like he’ll move at the end of the school year, though if a replacement is found to take over his classes, he’ll move earlier.”

Iris sat up abruptly. “Why would he move? He loves the school he works at!”

Carlos made a face. “He hasn’t been with that school for more than two years. It’s…” He closed his eyes and rubbed his fingers over them. “Look, there was a suspicion that you might have been killed after you disappeared. And you know who’s always looked at first in such cases.”

“The spouse, which is you,” Iris said wide-eyed.

Carlos shrugged. “Yeah, I was looked into, too. Thankfully I’d been pulled in for an extra shift and there was not a single doubt about my alibi. And also, I guess … I’m a fellow cop, so at least some of the people involved in the investigation didn’t want to look at me too closely. For the most part, I got off lightly in that whole investigation. But Dustin was your boyfriend. And there were people saying he had behaved suspiciously ever since your first date.”

“Michelle,” Iris hissed. She jumped up off the bench and started to pace in front of Carlos. “By ‘people’ you mean Michelle. What? Did she really insinuate Dustin had murdered me?”

“There wasn’t much insinuating,” Carlos murmured. “More outright pointing her finger and calling him a murderer in front of everyone who’d stop long enough to listen to her.”

“That bitch!”

Carlos made a face, but there really wasn’t anything he could, or wanted to, say in Michelle’s defense. “The last three years have been very difficult for Dustin, and the worry and uncertainty about you was honestly the least of it. After we found the wreck, when we thought it was just a matter of waiting for the DNA results to have your death confirmed, and there was finally indisputable proof he was innocent, he started to plan his move.”

Iris shook her head, grabbing her hair with both hands. “This is insane! Why would Michelle think Dustin did anything to me? Especially murder me! And proof of his innocence? What about being innocent until proven guilty?”

“More often than not that’s really not the way it works,” Carlos said hesitantly. “It should, but it’s not the reality. And it really wasn’t the reality for Dustin, especially as … there were people, friends of your mother, who protected Michelle. It’s really a pretty horrible situation and I’m not sure it’s the right time to tell you more about it.”

Iris turned to him, her eyes shining, glassy and a little distant, and her hands shaking. “She ruined his life.”

“She made his life very difficult for a very long time,” Carlos agreed slowly. “But I don’t believe she’s ruined it. I’ve met with him a couple of times over these past weeks, and he is looking forward to working at his new school.”

Iris bit her lip and wrapped her arms around herself, staring at the ground between them. “Does he want to see me?”

Carlos blew out a breath and braced his elbows on his knees, looking up at her. “He’ll come visit you if you invite him. But I don’t think he’d … Do you want to see him? Do you…”

“I stopped missing him a long time ago,” Iris whispered sadly. “At first it was really difficult staying away from him, but…” She shuddered and shook her head. “I lost my love for him at some point, and I don’t even know when. I never stopped missing you and hoping you’d come by to visit, but at one point I … didn’t really think about him much anymore.”

“Maybe you just moved on for the sake of your own mental state,” Carlos suggested. “I know that’s what he did. I think sometimes he feels guilty about it, but with everything he’s had to deal with, it was probably the only way for him not to lose his mind. He still stayed because he hoped you’d come home to him one day. He still wanted to be in that house if you came back.”

Iris shook her head. “I don’t think I can see him. Not right now.”

Carlos smiled warmly. “That’s okay. I will just repeat this over and over again until you believe it: it’s completely your decision who you want to see. Myself included, by the way. If you don’t want to see me, I’ll stay away.”

“Don’t be silly,” Iris muttered and dropped down on the bench beside him again, arms still wrapped around herself.

Carlos chuckled. “You might change your mind at some point.”

Iris rolled her eyes. “Can you tell Dustin I’m sorry for what he had to go through? It’s … I cannot believe Michelle would go this far! I want to see her even less now. I’d just berate her the whole time! Did she do the same to you as well?”

“There are a lot of things Michelle did that will probably make you pretty mad,” Carlos admitted. “And I’m honestly not sure you are ready to deal with any of it yet.”

Iris huffed and glared at him, but in the end, she dropped against the backrest with her shoulders drawn up and her gaze turned down. “I hate all of this. This place, the chaos my life has become. My own mind turning against me. That I’ve accidently hurt so many people.”

Carlos slowly wrapped an arm around her shoulders, carefully watching for any sign that the one-armed hug wasn’t welcome, but Iris fell against his side and turned her head to press her face against his shoulder. He felt his shirt getting wet at the same time as she started to shake and turned to pull her into a proper hug.

Part of him wanted to apologize for not keeping Michelle on track, for not giving her the support she needed to not go as far off the rails as she had. He would have liked to present Iris with a much more peaceful situation than they found themselves in. There wasn’t anything he could have done about Theresa, but maybe there could have been something to change Michelle’s path. However, a much larger part of him was aware that there was nothing he could have done to help Michelle. None of her behavior had come out of the blue, all of it had already been there before Iris had disappeared, it had just been a lot more contained.

“It’s not you who hurt anyone,” Carlos whispered eventually, rubbing one hand over her back. “You’re sick, and you had a lot of bad luck. What has hurt people is what everyone else did, how they reacted to it.”

Iris shrugged weakly, still shaking and without saying anything.

“The most important thing is that you aren’t alone,” Carlos continued. “I’m here to support you. And I’m sure there are other friends who will support you once they learn we have found you. I’ve been keeping pretty quiet about it.”

Not to mention that he had lost contact with many of them and hadn’t yet found the courage to reach out to them again to see who was amenable to rekindling their friendships. Some wouldn’t be, and Carlos was already dreading the rejection he would be opening himself up to by reaching out to them.

Iris sighed deeply. “I’m not sure I’m ready to see anyone but you.”

“You can take all the time you need,” Carlos said. “Everything here will go at your pace. I won’t let anyone pressure you into anything, not even Michelle or Theresa. Especially not Michelle and Theresa.”

 

Chapter 21

TK settled on the lounger and sipped at his lemonade—homemade by Sara who had sent her apologies for being on a shift—and watched over the gathered party. He was relieved that he could escape everyone’s attention for a little while after the welcome he received at his new home. For the moment everyone seemed to have found something else to focus on.

It had been nearly a week since he had woken up in the hospital, and TK had finally been allowed to go home. Enzo and Owen had picked him up together and TK had half expected his father to argue once more that TK should come home with him. Instead, Owen had driven them to TK’s new home, not mentioning any doubts about this decision even, and he had even managed to have a somewhat polite conversation with Enzo.

It hadn’t been much of a surprise to find not only his friends but also Joan and Varun at the house to welcome him home with a much too big party. They had warned him that the party to welcome him as a new housemate was only postponed, and his friends wouldn’t let a chance to celebrate pass by. TK was glad that there wouldn’t be two parties, one to welcome him at his new home and one to celebrate his release from the hospital.

“Hey.”

TK turned his head from watching the party to his father, who hesitated just a moment before he sat down beside TK’s legs, resting one hand on his shin.

TK smiled reassuringly. “I’m good, really.”

Owen chuckled sadly. “I hope you are. You can’t fault me for worrying about you. That’s my privilege and duty as your father.”

TK sighed. “That’s not what any of this is about, you know? I don’t begrudge you your worry about me. I know I’ve given you, Mom, and Enzo quite enough reason to worry about me. And I know none of you will ever stop worrying about me. But I really wish we could stop arguing and find some way to work together. We’ve managed to do that on the job just fine for years, I really don’t know why we can’t manage that outside of work as well.”

Owen pressed his hand firmly against TK’s shin. “We’ve had two pretty big scares over the past seven months. Three if we count the cancer. I think we’re allowed to struggle a little. I … It hurts to know that you don’t feel safe with me.”

TK made a face. “I’m sorry I said it that way.”

“Don’t be,” Owen whispered. “I might have needed to hear it, as harsh as it was and as much as it hurt. I thought I was doing the right thing. I still think it should have been the right thing and I don’t understand why you feel the way you do. But maybe it’s not my place to understand it, and I just need to accept what you tell me.”

TK stared at Owen, then he turned his head to search for Enzo who was standing by the grill with Judd and Varun, who were engaged in some kind of long-term rivalry about the proper way to barbeque and had pulled Enzo in a little while ago. Enzo looked relaxed and clearly amused by Judd and Varun’s argument.

“I’m much more comfortable with you and Enzo quietly ignoring each other instead of going out to get drinks together,” TK muttered with a frown. “It’s always scary what the two of you come up with on those days!” There was no other explanation for Owen changing his tune so suddenly, not even TK’s very harsh words the day he had woken up from the coma.

Owen laughed. “He can be alright sometimes.”

TK rolled his eyes.

“I want you to know that there is always a room for you in my house,” Owen said. “I’ve talked with Mateo about your suggestion. Our Mateo, that is. That you have a housemate called Mateo is going to be confusing, you know?”

TK grinned. “I’ll just have to come up with a nickname for one of them. Or maybe for both of them, so that neither will feel treated unfairly, right? It’s a little sad my housemate Mateo has to be on shift right now. The confusion would have been hilarious, and I think both of them would really enjoy messing with everyone.”

“I don’t know your new housemate, but I don’t doubt that about our Mateo,” Owen agreed amused. “Anyway. Mateo was very relieved when I offered him our … my guest room. But even if that works out long term and we eventually decide to find someone for the fourth bedroom as well, your room will stay your room.”

TK raised his brows. “It’s pretty bare now with all my furniture here.”

Owen rolled his eyes. “I’ll get new furniture for it. We can do it together, hopefully. But that’s really not the point I’m trying to make, son.”

TK smiled and curled his fingers a little more tightly around his glass. “I get it, Dad. You’ll always have a place for me in your home.”

It was quite a change from the past. TK remembered much of his childhood and early teenage years when there hadn’t been a place for him in Owen’s apartment. At first, Owen had moved into a tiny one-bedroom closet as close to the 252 as he had been able to find and TK had slept on the pull-out couch on the few occasions he’d been able to visit his father for a couple of days. Later on, when Owen married for a second time, his new wife hadn’t had the patience for children at all. Those had been years when TK never spent a single night at his father’s place. That marriage hadn’t lasted long thankfully, and the apartment Owen moved into after that had a guestroom, at least. But even there TK had never felt like it was really his place, and by that point, he had also stopped yearning for his father’s attention anyway and started to resent him for his perceived indifference.

TK had to blink back tears and inhaled slowly. He hated how it had come to be, but he was also overcome by a sense of relief and gratitude that he hadn’t expected about having his own dedicated room in his father’s house. He had been an adult for the better part of a decade now and it came much too late, but it still felt like a dream come true.

“Varun and Joan seem to be great people,” Owen said. “I hope your other two housemates are, too. Mateo’s stories about his housemates have me a little bit worried.”

TK laughed. “I think Mateo’s housemates are a very different kind of people to my new housemates. Most of Mateo’s housemates seem to live from one party to the next without any care for others in their life. My housemates all know the hardships of being a first responder from their own experience. No one here will try to drag me out to a party when they know I have a shift the next day.”

“I still don’t like that you moved, but this seems a good place to live,” Owen said. “Good people to live with.”

TK hummed and shrugged. “I get along great with all four of them and I’m really looking forward to living here. I think this is the new beginning here in Austin I really need. And if anything, living with you has given me the time to find this place.”

Owen smiled sadly. “Alright.”

TK would be forever grateful to Nancy and Marjan when they chose that moment of evolving awkward silence to come over and draw both of them into the ping-pong tournament they were trying to set up since they had seen the table on the patio. Owen protested laughingly, reminding them of the foosball tournament that still needed to be finished, but Marjan and Nancy successfully argued that the other tournament was restricted to their time on shift.

While TK was far away from being able to play the game, it didn’t take long for Marjan to instruct him in note-taking about the matches already played and how to keep up with the bets. TK indulged her entirely too serious approach to the whole affair with an amused smile, and decided that while he might be some kind of referee, he wasn’t beholden to any kind of impartial behavior outside of his note-taking and mostly cheered for Carlos.

Hours later they were scattered in small groups all over the yard and backyard and TK suspected he wasn’t the only one who had eaten too much. It was clearly not a good idea to leave the food preparation to Varun and Judd at a gathering like this, because in the end there were two grills, and everyone was required to cast their vote about who had prepared the better meat and vegetables—which ended up in a draw. Grace and Joan were obviously very familiar with these antics, but they hadn’t deemed it necessary to save anyone and had instead retreated from the group to laugh at them.

When everyone else had started to clean up the dishes and leftovers and forbidden TK from helping—because apparently having only one good arm to use meant he wasn’t trusted to carry anything back into the kitchen—TK had grabbed Carlos’ hand and pulled him to the lounger by the pool he’d claimed as his own earlier in the day. If they wouldn’t let him help, he could at least decide who he wanted as company, and no one came over to bother them once they came back out into the yard.

“What are your plans for tomorrow?” Carlos asked after they had sat side by side in comfortable silence for quite some time.

TK sighed. “Dad’s taking me to see Colt in the morning.”

“Colt?” Carlos asked confused.

“The little boy who shot me,” TK whispered. He leaned his shoulder against Carlos, grateful that he had sat down on his good side. “I think it’s important I talk to him, that he sees I’m alright, you know? Dad has been in contact with his parents, and I had a long phone call with Colt’s father yesterday.”

Carlos hummed and put his arm around TK’s waist. “You think that will help you?”

“Not me,” TK said sadly. “I still don’t remember anything about that moment other than Colt’s face. But he remembers. He’ll always remember, and I don’t want him to … It was a terrible mistake in a situation that had already been horribly frightening for him. I want him to see and understand that I’m alright, that both of us came away with the fright of our lives but overall okay.”

Carlos tightened his hold around TK’s waist and pressed a kiss against his hair right over his ear. “That won’t be an easy meeting.”

TK huffed. “It will probably suck big time, but if it can help him that’s all that matters for me. His dad said he’s barely said a word since it happened. They were referred to a child psychologist, but they haven’t been able to get an appointment yet.”

“I think it’s a very noble thing for you to try to help him,” Carlos said. “And I hope it will help you in some way as well. Even if you don’t actively remember, it’s still a trauma for you.”

TK tucked his face against Carlos’ throat. “Yeah. I got two house calls from my therapist while I was in the hospital. He said he might need to refer me to a trauma specialist. Especially if the memories surface at some point.”

He wasn’t looking forward to getting used to yet another therapist, but he understood why a specialist for violent trauma might be needed. TK really hoped he never remembered anything about being shot, seeing the haunted looks on everyone’s faces when they remembered was more than enough for him.

“Do you feel prepared for that meeting?” Carlos asked softly.

“I doubt I’ll ever feel ready,” TK admitted with a deep sigh. “I’m not angry at Colt, I’m only sad for him. But … I am angry at his grandparents. His grandmother, mostly. I know it’s unfair, but … Hearing about kids getting their hands on weapons and having this kind of accident has always made me super angry, you know? Especially if those accidents are deadly.”

Carlos tensed beside him. “And now you have been in the middle of that kind of accident.”

“I know his grandmother was worried about her husband, and I know that people in that kind of situation don’t react rationally. Not even people like us who are trained for emergencies always react rationally when it’s suddenly a personal situation. I still resent that she neglected her grandson to such a degree in that moment that he was able to take that weapon and that he didn’t know that help was coming instead of another threat. We didn’t even know there was a loaded gun in that room!”

“You are entitled to feel however you feel about it,” Carlos said.

“I just hope I won’t show any of that in front of Colt,” TK muttered. “He doesn’t need to deal with my anger at his grandparents.”

“Do you know how the grandfather is?”

“He survived and he’ll have some more months or years to live,” TK whispered. “That’s all I know, and I don’t want to know anything more. Colt refused to visit him in the hospital because he heard someone mention that I was in the same one. It really doesn’t matter if I’m ready or not, I don’t want him to be stuck with guilt any longer than necessary.”

Carlos chuckled. “I’m not trying to talk you out of it.”

TK huffed and sat up straight to glare at him. “I know. But Dad did and that’s stuck in my head. And I know Enzo isn’t happy either, though at least he didn’t say it aloud.”

Carlos watched him with raised brows. “Speaking of, Owen and Enzo have a very strange relationship. Every time I see them together it gets more confusing. One moment they seem to hate each other, the next moment they band together on whatever cause.”

TK laughed and shook his head. “Don’t ask me about it. I know Dad resents the hell out of Enzo for the role he took in my life. And there is some kind of weird … Mom divorced Dad because she couldn’t deal with the way he coped with 9/11. But I know there is still some kind of love between them. And Enzo knows that, too. I tried to understand the relationship between all three of them early on, but at one point I just gave up and decided to stay out of it. To stay far away from it. The kind of behavior you have seen between Enzo and Dad, it’s even worse between Mom and Dad because there is some kind of UST involved that I really don’t care about.”

Carlos made a face.

“Really, that’s a topic we’ll just never talk about, no matter how often we’ll, unfortunately, have to witness any of it!” TK muttered.

Carlos grinned. “That’s a good plan.” He tilted his head to the side and his grin turned into a soft smile. “With that kind of exhausting plan for the morning, you’ll probably prefer to have a quiet evening, huh?”

TK frowned. “I don’t know. Why?”

Carlos lowered his gaze and bit his lip. “I’m on shift in the morning and early afternoon. But I thought I could take you out on a proper date in the evening.”

TK felt warmth spread through his chest and all the way up to his cheeks. “A proper date?” He reached out for Carlos’ hand and laced their fingers together. “Talking about that foolish thing we both did?”

Carlos shrugged, still not meeting his gaze.

“I don’t think we are that foolish, you know?” TK whispered. He very carefully and slowly raised his left arm to cup Carlos’ cheek with his hand and prod him to turn his head so he would look at him. He didn’t want to let go of Carlos’ hand, so he bore the pain of moving his injured shoulder. “It might go against what we agreed in the beginning, but maybe…” He took a deep breath. “I can only talk about myself here, of course, but I guess I just met the right person to move on with without even noticing.”

Carlos finally met his gaze again, a brilliant smile overtaking his face. “Yeah, something like that. So, I’ll pick you up at half past six? Seven?”

***

Carlos felt nervous and giddy when he parked his car just around the corner from the restaurant he wanted to show TK. Earlier, when he had pulled up in front of TK’s house, he’d had to forcefully push away the exhaustion and sorrow the day had brought him, and for a moment he had wondered if going on a date in this mood was the right choice.

But all of that had been practically forgotten as soon as TK had opened the door, before Carlos had even been able to ring the bell. Carlos had teased him about waiting behind the door for him while he led him to his car, but TK hadn’t even been bashful about admitting to doing exactly that. The conversation during the drive had been easygoing and benign, and had mostly consisted of playful flirting, and Carlos had come to the conclusion that spending time with TK was exactly what he needed after a day like the one he had today.

TK stopped abruptly when he saw the Chinese restaurant Carlos was leading him to. He stared at it with his head titled to the side and then he turned to Carlos with his brows raised skeptically. “You know, this is a very risky choice for a first date!”

Carlos grinned and put his hand on the small of TK’s back, pushing him to keep walking. He leaned in to whisper against his ear, “Just trust me!”

TK huffed. “I do trust you, but Austin as a whole has been very disappointing concerning Dim Sum.”

Carlos chuckled and held the door open for TK. “I know. I also think that not having proper Dim Sum might just be a dealbreaker for you staying in Austin, so I did some research. I’m very hopeful that this place won’t be a disappointment.”

TK rolled his eyes. “The lack of Dim Sum won’t make me leave town.”

“I’m not the only one who doesn’t believe that.”

TK shook his head. “Maybe I’ve been a little bit … overzealous in my search for a good Chinese restaurant.”

“Just a tiny bit,” Carlos agreed amused. They walked past the booths to a small square table nestled in the corner by the window. Carlos took the side of the table on TK’s good side instead of sitting opposite from him. He didn’t feel like putting the whole table between them, craving to be as near to TK as possible. “But it’s clearly important to you. If it turns out to be a disappointment after all, there is a really great ice cream place not too far from here where we can get dessert for consolation.”

TK grinned and leaned back while tangling their feet together. “Maybe we should do ice cream afterward regardless.” The grin turned into a soft worried smile as he eyed Carlos thoughtfully. “You look tired, though. It wouldn’t have been a problem to reschedule our date if your shift was too exhausting. The good thing about dating a fellow first responder is that I know exactly how these things go sometimes.”

“I thought about it,” Carlos admitted. “But I wanted to tell you in person at least, and I wasn’t sure about it until I picked you up. I think spending time with you is the best cure to overcome a shitty day.”

TK blushed and lowered his gaze. “Sounds about right.”

“I was very tired earlier, and I wouldn’t be up for a visit to a club or even just for strolling through the city for half the night. But I’m not too tired to enjoy dinner with you.”

TK laughed and nodded, but they were brought the menu before he could reply and then he was thoroughly distracted by said menu. Carlos spent more time watching TK’s face twist from skepticism to surprised wonder than studying the menu himself. He had already decided how to handle his order before he had picked up TK.

After several minutes, TK looked up. “Okay, I might be less skeptical about this now. Let’s hope this menu isn’t just a bald-faced lie!”

Carlos grinned. “One point in favor of my choice for a date night, huh? I don’t care much about what I eat. Why don’t you order enough for both of us and we’ll share everything? That way you’ll get a greater sample to base your judgment on.”

TK nodded and turned all of his attention back to the menu, tracing several items with his fingers. When the waiter finally returned, TK ordered tea for them both and so much food that Carlos was sure they would take at least half of it home with them. Something about the menu must have convinced TK to give this restaurant more of a chance than any of the ones before because in the past he had always been very careful to only order a few select items.

He even ordered in Chinese, something he had only done in a few of the other places they had tried out. The first time it had happened, Carlos had been startled by it, and TK had explained he knew just enough to order his food the proper way. It was something he had learned from his mother, who was fluent in several Chinese dialects as well as Japanese because of her work.

Carlos grinned smugly. “So, what exactly convinced you that this place is probably not as bad as you expected?”

“Have you noticed the other customers?” TK asked.

Carlos raised his brows and shrugged. When they had come in, he had scanned the room, but nothing had stuck out to him. He would need to turn around to find out what TK was talking about, and that wasn’t exactly something he was comfortable with.

“We are the only non-Asian people here,” TK said quietly. “So, this place is clearly valued in the Asian community and doesn’t cater very much to the expectations of the average white American. And the menu was clearly designed for Chinese readers, with the English translation of the dishes printed pretty small beneath.” He stopped with a frown. “You didn’t even look at the menu, did you?”

Carlos grinned unapologetically. “I had something much more interesting to look at.”

TK laughed. “Sure.”

Carlos shrugged and kept watching TK with a grin.

When TK calmed down a little while later, he took Carlos’ hand and laced their fingers together. “Do you want to talk about your shitty day or would you rather forget about all of it and be distracted?”

Carlos wet his lips and rubbed his thumb over TK’s hand. “My shift was okay. The shitty part was when I want to visit Iris before picking you up.”

“So far you’ve always enjoyed those visits,” TK said with a concerned frown.

“So far I also only saw her on good days,” Carlos said. He sighed deeply and shrugged. “Or at least on not really bad days. She’s had a really bad day today and I think … I had forgotten for a little bit how sick she really is.”

“Oh.” TK looked at him sadly. “What happened?”

Carlos shook his head. “I don’t even know. I’ve seen her agitated and confused before, and even stuck in one of her paranoid delusions. But not like this. And not aimed at me. One moment we were talking just like always, and the next moment her mood just turned completely around. She became angry with me and was frightened at the same time. There was no calming her down, and in the end, the orderlies who had been alerted by the noise asked me to leave. So I did.”

“I’m sorry you had to see her that way,” TK whispered.

“It’s a lesson I needed, I think,” Carlos admitted quietly.

It had hurt in a way he hadn’t expected, but it had only convinced him even more that all the decisions he had made concerning Iris over the last couple of weeks had been right. Iris needed help, and he trusted the hospital he had found to give her that help.

Carlos cleared his throat. “It’s part of her, right? There might be medication to help her control that part and to help her maintain a headspace with which she’ll be able to live her own life but it’s still always there. Or the medicine might not work. I was warned that there may be a prolonged period while they search for the right kind of medication and that it will be trial and error possibly with a lot of setbacks.”

TK shrugged. “Every type of therapy is a long road, and it’s never linear. But I understand why you let yourself be lulled into a false sense of security. It’s comforting to believe everything is good, and you’ve had to deal with a lot of other bullshit.”

“I won’t make that mistake again,” Carlos said.

“Doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy her good days.”

Carlos chuckled sadly. “I’m sure tomorrow morning when I’ve had a chance to sleep and recharge, I’ll agree with you. Right now, it feels as if I should be wary of her moods every single second.”

“Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?” TK asked.

“You already are,” Carlos whispered with a smile. “From the very moment you opened the door earlier and smiled at me.”

TK huffed out a laugh. “Did you make it your goal to make me blush through the whole evening?”

Carlos grinned smugly. “Maybe.” He hadn’t so far, but maybe he should aspire to that goal.

TK inhaled slowly. “I don’t even know when I fell in love with you.”

“Yeah, same,” Carlos replied, warmth spreading through him at that admission. They hadn’t really talked about any of it so far except for that very short moment the previous evening when Carlos had asked TK out on this date. It had just never seemed like the right moment while TK had still been in the hospital. “I wish it didn’t take you getting hurt for me to realize I’m in love with you.”

TK chuckled sheepishly. “Honestly, I don’t even remember when I recognized it. It wasn’t some big moment that stuck out in my head. It’s been a little while, I just tried to ignore it. Do you really think we did something foolish here?”

Carlos blew out a breath. He had regretted that word choice pretty much the moment it had come out of his mouth, and that only intensified now that he recognized that TK might have misunderstood what he had meant by it. “We did agree on something else in the beginning. And you made your opinion about dating very clear. I didn’t think you had changed your mind, and I was afraid recognizing it had changed for me would change our friendship.”

TK leaned over and watched Carlos intently. “I don’t think it’s foolish.”

Carlos raised their hands to kiss TK’s knuckles. “I don’t think that anymore either. Someone told me it was foolish to wait for the perfect moment to find love and happiness, and to just accept it when it happened. But I think looking back now that the perfect moment was when you stumbled into my life.”

“Sap,” TK murmured grinning.

“I’m glad you stuck around despite the misunderstanding we had in the beginning,” Carlos said softly. He could hardly believe that it had just been a couple of months since he had first met TK, and how much his life had changed in that time.

TK laughed. “I still don’t know if I was more put out by the date you had planned or by inviting a third person to it!”

Carlos rolled his eyes, grinning. “You’ll never let me forget that, huh? And it was never meant to be a date! It was a meal after we’d both had a long day and an exhausting shift!”

“I’m sure Tony won’t let you forget either,” TK said. “And I saw how fancy you had decorated the table, it was clearly a date!”

Carlos laughed and leaned back in his chair. “He won’t,” he agreed. “He’ll remind both of us every time he sees us, whether he comes to visit us or we visit him.”

“I like that idea,” TK said softly. “Traveling together. Though, New York should really be first on that list. We won’t go anywhere else before I’ve shown you New York!”

“I’ve never been to New York before. I’m looking forward to you showing me your city.”

“It’s a date then.”

Carlos raised his brows. “Even if this one is a failure?”

TK laughed. “Even if the food is a disappointment the date won’t be a failure. I think that’s the advantage of dating a friend. We have already gotten the pitfalls of getting to know each other out of the way. You know why I’m looking for a place to get proper Dim Sum, and I know how difficult that seems to be here.”

Carlos nodded and smiled. He rubbed his thumb over TK’s hand again. “How was your morning? I’ve been a little worried about your plans ever since you told me about them.”

TK blew out a breath and leaned back, but he didn’t hesitate to share his impressions from meeting Colt and his father. Carlos hadn’t been convinced by TK’s idea to visit the boy who had shot him, even if he understood TK’s reasoning. Part of him thought it was too early for TK, and another part had wished he’d be able to accompany TK if he really wanted to meet the boy. He was glad to hear that the visit had given TK some kind of closure and that TK also thought it had helped Colt the way he had wanted it to.

Their conversation was interrupted by the food arriving. There was even more than it had seemed there would be when TK ordered it. It was probably a good thing TK had four housemates now they could share their leftovers with. There was no way they would eat even half of this.

Carlos stared a little bemused at everything, but TK’s complete focus was on the food. He picked up his chopsticks and arranged the plates and bowls to his liking. Carlos leaned back and watched TK as he started very carefully with some Dim Sum. It was always fascinating to watch TK try out the food even if, so far, it had always ended in disappointment.

This time, TK closed his eyes and groaned in delight and Carlos grinned smugly.

TK scanned the table and tried several more dishes, and every time his reaction was similar to the first bite. Carlos braced his arms on the table and watched TK amused, much too distracted by TK to eat himself.

Eventually, TK turned to him, pointing at the table with the chopsticks. “This … is delicious! How the hell did you find this place? I made a list of all the Chinese restaurants in Austin I could find online, and I know this place isn’t on that list!”

“I cheated,” Carlos admitted. “I asked someone I went to the academy with. He grew up in Shanghai, and I asked him what place he went to when he wanted to have authentic Chinese food without cooking it for himself. He gave me this address. And you can’t find it online because it’s not listed there anywhere. They have a website to order deliveries, but I think you need the address as well to find it. The 126 is within their delivery area, as is my place, but sadly not your new place.”

“I guess that’s one way to keep away customers who wouldn’t appreciate what they serve,” TK said bemused. “Please thank your friend for sharing the secret with you. I feared I wouldn’t find a place I could take Mom to without disappointing her.”

“Do you already know when she’ll visit?” Carlos asked.

TK rolled his eyes. “No. Her project might take a couple of weeks or even a month or two longer than anticipated. She’ll tell me as soon as she knows, and she’s relieved I’m already out of the hospital.”

Carlos made a face but only nodded.

“You need to try this, Carlos, honestly! You haven’t eaten anything yet! Why haven’t you tried anything?”

“Watching your reaction was much too distracting.”

TK huffed and glared at him playfully before he rolled his eyes. He used his chopsticks to pick one of the Dim Sum up from the plate he had tried first and held it out for Carlos, who opened his mouth to let TK feed him. He had to agree that it was good, but he also remembered at least one place that had—in his opinion at least—been very similar. He knew better than to mention that, though, there was just no arguing with TK about Dim Sum.

“So, I take it my high gamble for this date paid off,” Carlos said, maybe feeling a little bit too smug about it.

TK chuckled lightly and put his chopsticks down to grab Carlos’ neck and pull him into a kiss. “It did. Thank you for finding this place. And for being in my life. For not turning away despite my faults.”

“I have plenty of those myself.” Carlos cradled TK’s face with his hands and leaned their foreheads together. “I’m not going to let any of that take away from the future that I’ve been dreaming of with you.”

 

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