Forever and Ever Amen – 4/4 – MykkiTno

Reading Time: 77 Minutes

Title: Forever and Ever, Amen
Author: MykkiTno
Fandom: 9-1-1
Genre: Angst, Amnesia, Drama, Family, First Time, Pre-Relationship, Romance
Relationship(s): Evan Buckley/ Eddie Diaz
Content Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Attempted-Rape, Could be considered Dub-con (see note), Hate Crimes/Hate Speech, Homophobia, Anti-Maddie/Chimney but they do get better. Anti-Buckley parents, Anti-Helena, Anti-Conner/Kameron, Ableism, Canon Level Violence, Discussion of Postpartum Depression, Discussion of Canon Domestic Violence
Author Note: regarding consent warning, could be considered dubious consent due to one character having amnesia, but both are very willing.
Alpha: Hourstillnoon
Word Count: 81,903
Summary: On his way to donate Buck is t-boned and ends up in a coma. Eddie and the rest face some hard truths about their youngest member when he wakes up with total amnesia, together they learn that the only way to go forward is with family by your side.
Artist: Drake

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Chapter Fourteen

It had been a busy, hectic, but productive week by New Year’s Eve. Between doctor and therapy appointments, they’d both felt the drags of exhaustion, but the semi-cleared approval from David had been a relief. He still had monthly meetings unless something drastic happened, but there was nothing else he could do for him yet. His Physio and speech therapy was a work in progress and would be for months; the Aspahia not be cured overnight, no more than his memories had. He still had the hand and occasional limb tremors, but for now, David wasn’t overly concerned though there was a list of notes and things to look out for. The occupational therapist offered suggestions of things he could do until that cleared up, as attempting to work as a firefighter was out of the question. Which- well, he had expected to feel something about that, but maybe without the context of not remembering- not being a firefighter wasn’t the end of the world. Though Eddie had acted like Evan would think that, offering reassurances the second they’d left the office. It had taken a great deal of persuading on Evan’s part that it didn’t seem to have the same emotional punch with his lack of memories, though he did question the events that led to the lawsuit. Learning of the ladder truck bombing, resulting blood clots, and tsunami had provided the context Evan was missing, but without the memories, it didn’t seem to matter.

Eddie’s apparent reluctance to talk about it had confusing until he realized they’d both been hurt in that scenario but didn’t know how to offer reassurances that it wouldn’t come to that – again.

Meeting people in a one-on-one setting outside the hospital had helped with some of the memory gaps; though he still didn’t have all of his memories, it was nice to recognize the person he spoke to.

Getting permission to have his phone back had been interesting; he’d somehow had the memory muscle to unlock his phone but hadn’t realized the significance until Eddie had smiled gently and said it was Chris’s birthday. The well wishes had been lovely, though he didn’t know the names of half the people, but he had posted on Instagram that he was on the mend and thanked everyone for the thoughts.

Finding out why he’d been in the wreck in the first place had been nauseating; Evan had no clue what his past self was thinking; he wanted to be a dad more than anything but didn’t understand how Buck made the connection to that, providing his sperm to someone – practically a stranger – had been a good idea. Learning what the couple had attempted to do afterwards did make him sick. Eddie once again gave him the assurance he needed that they weren’t allowed near him again before he could ask. He fell asleep crying in Eddie’s arms that night and woke in a panic around 3 in the morning, feeling like he lost something again.

He had an unread text thread with Maddie that had hundreds of messages, and he didn’t know if he wanted to read them, not without the context of their complicated relationship. He knew the basics; she’d raised him after their parents gave up, gave him a jeep and money, and didn’t talk to him for almost six years before randomly showing up in his ex-girlfriend’s apartment after conning her way inside. Eddie had skimmed over the rest, but it didn’t feel very objective, and Evan was still unsure what to think about it. Though the fact that he didn’t want to go home with her implied a lot. It said even more that he found his parents under blocked numbers when he searched. Eddie couldn’t provide more information on that subject, but it was clear that Eddie despised them.

Hoping somewhat naively that Maddie would want to help, he finally sent a text message and then waited and waited. He hadn’t expected an immediate response, but after six hours, he’d anticipated something, even an acknowledgement that she was busy. Still, when nothing came, he stared glumly at his phone before scrolling to the top of the chain, starting to read. It was clear that Eddie had tried to protect him the best way the medic could, but short of ordering and enforcing no contact, Eddie could do nothing. By the time he finished, it was also clear that Maddie used him when she needed to and ignored him when she didn’t – or well past him – whatever. It was hard reconciling that Evan was the same person as Buck, without context, but it also felt relieving. The urge to stick up for himself was a new feeling that brought a sense of confidence he wasn’t sure he had before.

* * *

Arriving at Athena and Bobby’s that evening was a chaotic mess, even if it was only the kids wanting a hug, all the adults, as if my mutual consensus agreed not to crowd him. It was admirable in the best way, even when the vague flashes of panic and the sensation of choking panicked him for a minute; it seemed only Eddie noticed. The other man settled a hand at the small of Evan’s back, allowing him to breathe and flash Eddie a soft smile.

Eddie surveyed his face, eyebrow cocked as if asking, “You okay?”

Drawing a shaking breath, Evan nodded, turning back as May appeared out of nowhere and almost frantically through herself at the older man, tears in her eyes.

Caught off guard, Evan caught Eddie’s eye with a startled expression that turned into a glare when Eddie shrugged and slipped away. Sighing, Evan rubbed a hand down May’s back and whispered, “Is it okay, May?”

She drew a breath and nodded before pulling away, meeting his eyes and searching them for a long moment, “you picked out the gifts, didn’t you?”

Feeling a blush burn his cheeks, Evan knew he couldn’t deny it, but he was worried he’d screwed up, so he was still hesitant to agree. May saved him the trouble by hugging him hard again, “You may not have the memory, but you still knew, so thank you.”

“Books good?” Evan asked, still needed to be sure.

“God, yes. I only mentioned to you once that I’d been eyeing the encyclopedia set but couldn’t justify the expense, plus the little book on the origin of words is delightful. The word of the day is noema. It means stating something obscurely, forcing listeners to work it out.”

Evan grinned, “philosopher Edmund Husserl used noema as a technical term in phenomenology.”

May laughed and nodded, “I plan on using it in a paper next month; I just haven’t figured out how yet.”

“Glad you like.” Evan flinched as a hand came down on his shoulder, bumping into May to get away though he kept her from falling as he turned, holding her to the side, automatically putting himself between the unknown. Seeing Chimney before him, he couldn’t help his face from twisting into a frown, “no touching, please. Makes me uncomfortable.”

Chimney rolled his eyes but nodded, gritting his teeth, “Maddie’s outside.”

“Okay?” Evan glanced around the living room, “still haven’t said hello to Mama and Dad.”

Snorting Chimney folded his arms, “They’re not your parents, Buck, and it’s wrong that they’re playing into this delusion-”

“Why you mean?” Evan demanded suddenly, straightening to his full height. “I text Maddie on Wednesday and no response. I texted again Thursday, and still waiting.”

At that, Chimney flushed, “Your sister is allowed to be hurt that you went to Eddie’s instead of letting her take care of you. It’s not Eddie’s responsibility to be burdened-”

“Take a walk, Chim,” Eddie ordered from behind the man, right next to his ear, voice low and angry but loud enough for Evan to hear. “Evan is in no way any sort of a burden, and to imply that is gross and uncalled – especially when you’re here trying to convince him that he should be grateful Maddie is willing to assist him.”

Head twitching, Chimney swallowed and nodded, quickly escaping the room, making Eddie roll his eyes and take a sip from the glass he’s come back carrying. “It’s not virgin; Karen’s mixing more in the kitchen.”

Eyes lighting up, Evan smacked a kiss on May’s head and Eddie’s cheeks before heading to the kitchen, “Karen, you bring a book?”

Skidding to a stop in the doorway, Evan flushed as Athena turned a gimlet eye on him, then smiled, holding out her arms, “Hi baby.”

Grinning, Evan surged forward to wrap Athena in a hug, going so far as to pick her up, giggling into her neck as she let out an undignified squeak.

Athena huffed as she hugged him back, “Put me down before you hurt yourself.”

Still giggling, Evan complied but not before kissing her cheek, “Happy New Year, Mama.”

Eyes suddenly glossy, Athena pulled him back in, “It sure is, baby. It’s the best New Year’s ever.”

Letting out a watery laugh, Evan let go, eyes lighting up and seeing the dragonfly rainbow-enamelled wine glass filled with red wine. “I do good?”

“Evan, I don’t think you can do any wrong, though the CD was a little over the top.” Athena wagged a finger at him.

Evan grinned and waved to the glass, face turning sheepish, “Rainbow goes with waterfall, just don’t remember why.”

Smiling, Athena picked up her glass and sipped, “I told you not to go chasing any waterfalls before you saved me from a suspect, Evan.”

Cheeks heating, Evan still preened a little at the knowledge ducking his head when Karen laughed from the island. “Can I get my hug?”

Nodding, Evan ignored his drink and moved around the island, wrapping Karen in a hug, “Happy New Year.”

“As Athena already said, it’s the best New Year ever.” Karen released him and ran a critical eye over his face before stepping back, “Hen wouldn’t let me bring the slime kit, but I did bring the book. Thought I’d give you first dibs on picking out a drink.”

Evan’s eyes lit up in excitement, “I pick, you mix?” He asked after a minute and held up his hands, “Hands still shake; I don’t want to break things.”

Karen nodded decisively, “works for me.” Pulling the book off the table and holding it out to him, he grinned at the title, “The Alchemist Cocktail Book: Master the Dark Arts of Mixology,” glancing up at Karen and asking, “Hen, mad me?”

“Absolutely not; she’s just running late; Toni called to be picked up from the airport.” Karen reassured, urging him to get open the book, “What do you want to drink?”

Setting the book down, Evan flipped it open slowly, browsing through the recipes and finally tapping on a page. “We have mixes?”

Nodding, Karen moved to the fridge, “Yeah, we made sure of that; figured we could let the boys try a few of the drinks too.”

Eyes lighting up in excitement, Evan moved to stand by Karen and passed her the ingredients as she asked for them, Athena watching with a kind smile.

Karen and Evan made two different pitchers of mocktails before Hen arrived, followed by David and Michael, the hug Hen gave him felt like something cracked in his back. Being around his doctor outside the hospital was a little weird, but David just smiled and waved him off, “Relax, when I’m not working, I’m not your doctor.”

Offering a shy smile, Evan nodded though he was extremely grateful when Eddie came in acting completely normal and snagging one of the pitchers, “Evan, Bobby’s out at the grill and getting mighty impatient.”

Grinning at the mention of Bobby, Evan ducked out of the room and headed for the sliding glass doors, so intent on Bobby’s figure that he forgot Maddie was outside.

It was the irritated huff as Bobby wrapped him in a strong warm hug that he tensed remembering; Bobby’s voice calmed in his ear as he spoke. “Don’t react; it’s what she wants.”

The advice was startlingly eye-opening, and Evan blinked, nodding against Bobby’s shoulder to show he’d heard.

“Papa, where did my bag get put?” Chris’s voice piped up from the door, earning a scoff from Chimney.

Irritated, Evan lifted his head and glared at the older paramedic answering Chris, “By the door, ask a friend to get for you.”

Nodding, Chris turned and called for Harry and moved back into the house while Evan turned to look at Maddie, whose lips had thinned into a firm hard line.

“Hi, Maddie.” Evan offered, then stood there; he didn’t feel comfortable approaching her, though he knew he should. After a moment’s impasse, Maddie finally rose to her feet, intention clear on her face, making Evan back up a step. “Please don’t touch me.” He frowned as her eyes immediately filled with tears, and Chimney huffed angrily. “You go against my wishes and treat me like a child. Worse, you fought Eddie, the person I trust over anyone and have the nerve to get mad ’cause don’t do what you want.” He shook his head, “I text you on Wednesday and Thursday to talk; you ignore me; why?”

A confused look entered Maddie’s eyes before they slid down to her phone, and then she shook her head, “No, you didn’t.”

Pulling out his phone, Evan pulled up his text conversation and slid it across the table, watching the colour bleed from her face, even as she shook it again in denial. “I didn’t get them, so you can’t get mad at me. I wouldn’t ignore you, Evan.”

“You have and still do.” Evan responded instantly, voice flat, “You told me I was too young to understand the world and to leave.” He offered a bitter smile as Maddie sank into her chair, face ashen. “Almost six years, Maddie.”

Evan sighed and shook his head when Maddie didn’t respond and offered an olive branch. “I doing good; David is happy with the progress.” He rolled his eyes and sighed, “passed to walking on own, but words still lost or wrong. Common effect.”

Watching Maddie lick her lips, Evan waited, wondering what she was thinking. He could feel both Eddie and Bobby keeping an eye on him and felt a flash of amusement, though he kept his face expressionless. “I am willing to try; maybe coffee soon?”

At that, Maddie perked up and offered a hesitant smile, “Yeah? We can do that?”

“Just you, Maddie.” Evan intoned with a frown at Chimney, who tensed but didn’t say anything. “Need to know you again, without people.”

Maddie frowned, chewing her bottom lip, “alright, is Tuesday good?”

“Eds?” Evan glanced back and met Eddie’s gaze, who nodded, “Tuesday’s good.”

“So, need his permission, huh? How’s that different than me speaking for Maddie?” Chimney demanded, leaning forward.

Evan blinked and shook his head but explained, “Doctors’ appointments get confused, and is not allowed to drive.”

They both blinked and had the grace to look ashamed, and Evan knew it hadn’t occurred to either of them that there was a reasonable explanation. After a minutes-long pause, he got tired of standing there, so he nodded and moved away, grateful they didn’t try to stop him.

Thankfully they got through the food without issue, laughing and joking, the familiarity an echoing ache inside. It made him yearn for even a memory instead of just the feeling of inclusion, but that wasn’t to be. Ultimately, he should have been happy to get through the evening without unnecessary drama, but the gods had other ideas.

Still suffering from random bouts of tiredness, once the boys had sat down in front of the tv to start up their video game tournament, Evan curled up in the corner, smiling at Athena in appreciation when she covered him in a blanket and ran a hand through his hair, to which he hummed happily eyes already sliding shut.

Sometime later, he jerked awake and lay there trying to determine what had woken him; the tv was off and the living room empty, though the glass doors were partially open and angry raised voices drifted inside.

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he looked around for the time, curious how long he’d slept, and reckoned he had to have been two hours.

Sitting up, the blanket fell off his shoulder, and he attempted to fold it, grimacing at his attempt, before placing it on the cushion with a pout.

He cocked his head as the voices grew in anger, but he couldn’t make out who was yelling, the emotional tones unfamiliar and uncomfortable to the point it made him debate if he wanted to go outside.

The sharp bite of Spanish made that decision for him, and he rose carefully, already knowing not to rush because the dizzy spells would still occasionally hit.

Moving slowly, he made his way toward the screen door, eyes widening at the standoff; Chimney stood defensively in front of Maddie, hands balled into fists as Eddie shook his head and turned away, putting his back towards them. Evan couldn’t process what was being said, the words too fast and harsh, but he did process the stance Chimney was in and was moving before he realized it, and caught Chimney’s hand before the punch landed and shoved him back. Chimney stumbling with the force of the shove. “Not hitting Eddie, like you hit me.”

The instant silence was nerve-wracking, making Evan twitch uncomfortably when he noticed everyone staring at him. It was then what he said processed, and he touched the spot by his eye and blinked back tears, “You hit me….”

“I didn’t even touch you.” Chimney denied furiously.

“Not today, before, broke bone.” Evan replied automatically, glancing at Eddie in confusion, who moved up beside him. “Why?”

Eddie cleared his throat and glanced briefly at Maddie before meeting his eyes, “Last year, Maddie left LA because she was suffering from PPD; in a bid to keep her promise, she called you on her way out of town and made you pinky promise not to tell Chimney that she called.”

Evan glanced towards the Buckley-Han duo and noted that Chimney was shifting uneasily, and Maddie was shaking her head in denial.

“He should have told me.” Chimney snapped, “But it doesn’t matter anymore now; I forgave him, so why are you bringing up shit we’ve put behind us?”

“Forgave him?” Eddie demanded angrily, “What the fuck did Buck do to require you to forgive him?”

Gripping Eddie’s arm, Evan pulled and kept him at his side and met Maddie’s gaze, which was roving over his face, expression crumbling. Her voice trembled and cracked when she spoke, “Is that when- when he ended up with the cracked orbital?”

Eddie jerked his head once, lips clamped behind his teeth.

Maddie inhaled sharply and jerked away from Chimney when he reached for her, his face falling, “Maddie, it wasn’t like that…” he pleaded softly, ignoring the snort behind him.

Maddie could only shake her head, brushing uselessly against the tears that welled up and fell.

Evan swallowed and glanced around the patio, took in everyone else’s expression – ranging from confusion to sadness- and realized they hadn’t known. He wondered why he’d never said anything. Something must have shown on his face because Athena moved to his other side, “you said you got into a fight at a club, baby.”

Evan opened his mouth and then shrugged helplessly, “I lied? Why?”

Eddie shifted until he could slip an arm around his waist and squeezed, “Because you didn’t want to make it harder for them, you assumed that Chimney was emotionally compromised and didn’t need the extra stress of having charges laid.” Eddie’s voice turned bitter, and it made Evan flinch.

“Sorry lied, lying wrong….”

“Not mad at you, cariño,” Eddie responded reassuringly.

Chimney snorted, “What’s it matter that he lied? It’s not like I hit him that hard anyway; he should have just told me where Maddie was.”

“Howie!” Maddie snapped, furious, “How could Evan tell you what he didn’t know? And even if he had known, I asked him not to; it doesn’t give you the right to hit him.”

Chimney opened his mouth, but Athena spoke calmly, “You asked why it matters that he lied; it’s called a felony charge.”

Stunned, Chimney’s mouth stayed open, even as he shook his head, “your making that up, not that it matters because Buck wouldn’t lay charges-”

“He wouldn’t have had to, not really.” Athena stated, eyes narrowing, “If I had known the truth, I would have pushed him to make a statement to the police, and the DA would have been the one to place charges, Battery and Assault causing bodily harm; it was an unprovoked attack upon a co-worker and firefighter, it would have been a felony charge with a minimum four-year prison term and a ten thousand dollar fine.”

Bobby moved forward to flank Athena and narrowed his eyes, “It would have also meant you’d be without a job; you have a moral and ethical clause in your contract; a charge of that nature would make that actionable, and you’d be without a job.”

“No, it couldn’t have been- no, Howie wouldn’t do something like that. Evan’s-” Maddie fell silent as everyone stared at her, and she closed her eyes, inhaling sharply, “It was just a misunderstanding.”

“The force used to crack an orbital bone is not a misunderstanding, Maddie,” Athena stated firmly, eyebrow raised as if in a challenge. When neither of them said anything, she sighed, “I think you two should leave.” She tightened her hand on Evan’s arm when he went to move.

He just shook his head sadly. “Want to go. My fault party ruined….”

“It is not your fault.” Athena began hotly with a glare directed at Maddie and Chimney.

“It’s okay, Mama. Want to go ‘for booms start.” Evan offered with a soft expression.

Confusion flickered across Athena’s brow, but she nodded slowly as she glanced at Eddie, who could only shrug. “He means the fireworks.”

“Oh…” her face cleared, but she grimaced, “You loved fireworks, Evan.”

“No.” He denied with a firm shake, “Loud, bright, need to be safe. Eds and I go.”

Athena seemed to draw in a breath before nodding carefully, “Alright baby, if you want to go, that’s fine, but don’t for one second think you ruined anything, alright?”

Chewing his bottom lip, Evan glanced around the patio at the others; Hen and Karen stood with their arms wrapped around each other, faces reflecting their heartbreak, and David was standing with Michael glaring at Chimney. Bobby hadn’t let up on his stare, and Maddie and Chimney stood, their shoulders slumped in defeat though Chimney’s jaw was tense as if he was biting back everything he wanted to say. Only as Eddie squeezed his side lovingly did Evan nod, “Not fault, I remember.”

A flurry of goodbyes later, Evan allowed Eddie to lead the way out to the truck and assist him inside, allowing him to buckle himself. Once Eddie was in the vehicle, Evan glanced over and asked softly, “Not fault?”

“Definitely not your fault.” Eddie gripped his hand, “If you have doubts, please ask. I’ll do my best to reassure you.”

Evan hummed and leaned against the window as Eddie started the truck and slowly drifted off.

* * *

Eddie woke to the warm sensation of hands and lips travelling over his stomach, slowly opening his eyes, and felt his breath catch as he met Evan’s heat-filled eyes, watching as his tongue slipped out of his mouth and dipped into his belly button.

The gasp slipped from Eddie’s mouth unprompted, his breath catching as Evan inadvertently breathed cool the saliva left behind, creating goosebumps. “Evan.”

“Eds….” Evan whispered, slowly crawling up Eddie’s body, lips travelling along his jaw, “Still alone, right?”

“Yeah… Abuela stayed over at Pepa’s.” Eddie gasped, a whole body shiver enveloping him as Evan scraped his teeth against the sensitive area on his neck.

Humming happily, Evan worked what would end up being a vicious hickey onto the side of his neck, and Eddie could only be thankful he didn’t have to worry about covering it up. Clenching at Evan’s neck, he pulled him off with a gasp, ignoring the whine that spilled out of Evan, “We don’t need to do anything.”

Meeting Evan’s eyes, Eddie could barely see the blue, his pupils dilated and heated, but Evan took a breath, “If you want to stop for you, that’s fine, but not for me.” Evan leaned down and nipped at his jaw, “I want Eds, don’t care what, but want to.” He lifted his head, eyes growing worried, “If not ready, it’s fine. Brain still peach, memories fuzzy, but know I want you.”

Overwhelmed with sensation, Eddie groaned and pulled Evan down; morning breath be damned and claimed his lips.

For all that it was hectic, it was still meaningful, the whispered words of love exchanged between them, causing tears as Evan slowly opened Eddie.

Eddie arched into the touch, chasing the stimulation and searching for friction. He let Evan have his way, face intent as he carefully worked him up to three fingers before shoving at Evan to roll him onto his back; slicking up Evan’s cock he slid down, hissing at the burn but too frantic in his need.

When he bottomed out, he stilled to gaze in awe at Evan spread out underneath, his head thrown back and his mouth open on a soundless gasp. The vision was everything he’d ever imagined, making him ache. Eddie leaned forward, nipping at his jaw, “I love you.”

“Fuck, l love you too.” Evan panted, twisting his hands into Eddie’s hair and grinding up, face slackening in awe. “Jesus Christ.”

Grinding down, Eddie bit back a moan, pushing up on Evan’s chest to brace as he swivelled his hips, choking harshly, “I’m not gonna last, Evan.”

A harsh panting laugh shook Evan, “Thinking I maintain you loco.”

“loco, huh?” Eddie swivelled his hips again, grinning as Evan jerked up, “I am crazy about you, so I guess you’d be right.”

“Crazy ‘bout you too, love you.” Evan whimpered as Eddie ground down, his hands clenching around Eddie’s thighs, and begged shamelessly. “Move, please.”

It didn’t take either of them long, a dozen thrusts maybe and an opened-mouth kiss, before they both came. Eddie would have been embarrassed about his stamina if Evan hadn’t flushed violently and shouted his name as he came. Then pulled him down and rolled them over to steal a deep kiss, uncaring the cum between them.

When Eddie finally pulled from the kiss, it was to look at the doped-up expression on Evan’s face, eyes filling with wonder and a hint of reverence. It should have made Eddie uneasy, but Evan cupped his jaw and lightly kissed his lips, “I love you, Eddie, and I know I don’t really know who I am, but I think I’ve always loved you.”

“Evan?” Eddie breathed, gazing into his eyes, “What are you-” he broke off and swallowed, “do you remember me?”

Evan searched his face, eyes serious but soft, then nodded slowly, “You and Chris are tied up in every memory I have, Eds. From bomb explosions to movie night, tsunamis, and shootings. Promises and forgiveness. You make up my life in ways I don’t even understand, but every-single-thing is you.”

Tears immediately filled Eddie’s eyes, “you- you’re incredible.“

A blush formed on Evan’s cheeks, and he ducked his head, “also speaking in full sentences, which must be a relief.”

A water laugh escaped Eddie, and he shook his head, “I don’t care about that.” He frowned, “That didn’t come out right; I do care, but….” He trailed off, searching Evan’s face, “you really remember me?”

Laughing weakly, Evan nodded against his shoulder, “The first time I saw you, “Whatta Man” played in my head.” He lifted his head, a flush still on his cheeks, and admitted. “wanted to lick your abs which was a mind fuck, considering I’d never once allowed myself to look at men.”

Eddie caressed a cheek, laughing, “I wanted to climb you like a tree, but you put off some serious don’t touch vibes, so I set out to be your friend.”

A pensive look crossed Evan’s face, “you regret any of it?”

Shaking his head, Eddie pulled him down, brushing their noses together, “No, not a single second of it.”

Smiling, Evan leaned in and kissed him again, then pulled away with a grimace, “shower?”

Feeling cold and tacky, Eddie nodded, “Together?”

Eyes lighting up, Evan smirked at him, “We’re not having sex in the shower.”

“Maybe not, but I can blow you.” Eddie retorted as he rolled from the bed, then laughed at the glazed expression on Evan’s face. “Come on, baby, you can make me breakfast afterwards.”

“I can cook?” Evan asked in astonishment, proving that even if some memories had returned, some were still missing. But for the first time since Evan had woken up, Eddie was alright with that; he would stick by Evan forever and ever, anyway.

* * *

After a second inadvisable round in a shower that threatened the hot water supply, the two men were in the kitchen exchanging slow kisses that were more smiles than anything as the Hildy made the coffee.

They broke apart with a groan as the doorbell rang, held down and pressed with a ferocity that made Eddie tense.

Pulling back but staying in the embrace, Evan frowned, glancing between Eddie and the kitchen door towards the hall. “You know who?” Then flushed at the sentence, thankful when Eddie didn’t comment on the lack of a complete sentence, he dropped his head with a sigh as the doorbell went off again, and the older man swore angrily. “My parents.”

Evan frowned and grimaced, “they not learn anything?”

Sighing, Eddie pressed a kiss to his cheek and pulled back, only pausing when Evan gripped his waist with an intense expression. “You trust me?”

“With everything,” Eddie replied instantly, then blinked as Evan kissed him again softly and drew back, straightening his back. He hadn’t exactly lied to Eddie; he really didn’t remember his life, just bits and pieces. Almost like some of the more personal parts were a dream Evan had experienced – but it hadn’t meant anything. He didn’t remember his childhood and suspected some were trauma related, built and nurtured by the neglect his parents had provided. His life started on the road, travelling from state to state, looking for his forever home.

It was so unbelievably easy to slip into the SEAL mindset he’d abandoned years ago. He hadn’t liked it then, not believing it served a purpose, but to protect Eddie and Chris? He’d raze the ground and salt the earth afterwards and not feel a single bit of remorse.

Squeezing Eddie’s hand once, Evan left the kitchen and moved towards the front door that was still being banged on, and wrenched it open, an angry scowl on his face that wasn’t an act, and demanded. “What do you want?”

Helena Diaz reared back in shock but drew herself to her full height, “I demand to speak to my son.”

“He’s busy.” Evan intoned and leaned against the frame blocking her access and asked carelessly. “Didn’t we tell you to leave?” When Helena just stood there vibrating with a dark, angry face, Evan mused cockily, “I suppose we didn’t finish that statement, but it should have gone without saying, though the saying about assuming is true; it does make an ass out of you and me.”

Helena growled with rage and shifted a step forward, and Evan smiled dangerously, “You really don’t want to do that.”

“Why not?” Helena demanded, “It’s not like you can do much, you’re a young white male, and I’m the old woman wanting to visit her son; who do you think they’re gonna believe.”

“The doorbell cam?” Evan asked curiously, “You can read, right?” He tapped the sticker on the storm door and sighed, “Sign’s right there to let you know you’re being recorded.”

Watching Helena flick her gaze to the sign and then the doorbell, she scoffed and shook her head but didn’t move. “Eddie needs to call his father and fix this misunderstanding; it’s intolerable that Ramon is arguing with me.”

A bark of laughter escaped Evan before he could help it, “absolutely not. This is a mess of your own making, which Eddie had no say in. You started and created this standoff with your husband alone.”

Helena’s lips flattened into a thin harsh line, “Edmundo does not know proper respect or how to be a father-”

“I’m going to stop you right there because I’m not here for that bullshit. Eddie is one of the best fathers I know, and as per the state of California, parental alienation is something you’re dangerously close to committing.”

“You’re making that up!” Helena denied instantly, “I have a right to see my son and grandson and to ensure that Christopher is being given the proper care and consideration for his disabilities, which Eddie is woefully lacking.”

Before Evan could speak, the door was opened fully, and Eddie stood there, rage etched into his face, “I just talked to Dad.”

“Good. Does that mean you’ve come to your senses?” Helena demanded and relaxed. “Is he on his way to pick Christopher and me up?”

A humourless laugh left Eddie, and he shook his head, “your delusional if you think you’re getting your hands on our son.” He stated, gesturing between him and Evan, “As for Dad? He’s at the airport, waiting for his flight to Texas to start the divorce proceedings like he told you. Sophia is currently at the house, packing up his stuff, so he won’t be there when you get home.”

Startled, Helena opened and closed her mouth, tears filling her eyes, “I don’t believe you.”

Eddie shrugged, “It doesn’t matter to me if you do; check your phone.”

Wiping her eyes, she pulled out the device, face paling, “You were supposed to fix this, Edmundo; why would you encourage your father in this.”

“Because you’re a narcissist with an unhealthy obsession with my son.” He nodded as a car parked at the end of the driveway, “I suggest you leave before you are arrested for trespassing, stalking and whatever else I can get thrown at you.”

The driver-side door opened, and Lou stepped out, annoyance etched onto his face as he fixed his jacket before ambling up the path, “Morning Eddie, Evan, what’s the problem?”

“Detective, this is my mother, Helena Diaz; she was told to leave my property last week but returned this morning without an invitation to plead her case for custody of our son and to stop the threat of divorce. She ignored the threat and arrived here twenty minutes ago, where she hammered on the door and acted like the doorbell was malfunctioning because we chose to ignore her.” Eddie stated flatly, ignoring his mother’s gasp of ‘betrayal,’ though he did direct his gaze at her, “I’m asking you to leave once again, with the knowledge I do not want to talk to you or see you at all, and I’ll be obtaining a restraining order just to get some peace.”

“NO!” It burst out of Helena as she stepped forward, “Absolutely not, I forbid it, Edmundo. If you think I’ll allow you to shame our family like that, you’re crazy!”

Eddie could only look at this mother sadly and then nod to Lou before turning and walking back inside.

Helena started screaming, demanding that Eddie ‘come back,’ but he didn’t. Evan stayed by the door and watched as a police cruiser pulled up and a female officer exited. Knowing it was pointless to continue watching, he caught Lou’s eye and nodded back towards the house, the detective agreeing before pulling out his cuffs. “Helena Diaz, you’re under arrest….”

The rest was blocked as Evan shut the door and moved through the house, looking for Eddie.

To his surprise, he found him in the kitchen, calmly drinking coffee and talking to Sophia on FaceTime. He hated interrupting but cleared his throat, “Lou arrested her.”

The Diaz siblings inhaled sharply but didn’t comment, though the woman on screen waved, “Hi Buck- sorry Evan, I’m Sophia, the baby of the family.”

Sharing a look with Eddie, Evan waved and moved to the coffee, thankful he was cleared to drink it again. Sophia and Eddie only talked for a few more minutes before saying goodbye.

Evan leaned against the counter and tilted his head. “You not telling people I’m getting better?”

“People I trust, sure.” Eddie replied, taking a sip, “But they’re limited, and I can count them on one hand.” He sighed, “Don’t get me wrong, I love my sisters, and while they’ve never directly agreed with my mother, they have never actively defended me when mom would start. They have, in fact, spouted the same ‘beliefs’ she’s had but coached it as a ‘concern,’ which I didn’t realize was a problem until Ana started doing the same.”

Evan blinked at the name, no image coming to mind and shook his head, “Name familiar but no picture.”

Snorting bitterly, Eddie sighed and ran a hand down his face, “Lucky you. I dated her for about eight months.” Eddie glanced at him, “In a bid to get over you, actually.”

Evan frowned and shrugged, “I can’t be blamed for parental indoctrination.”

“Anyway, she was a former teacher of Christopher’s. I-” Eddie flushed and admitted, “This will sound terrible, but I thought she fit all the little boxes I knew my mother would demand. She was classically attractive, educated, and more importantly, Catholic and Latino.”

Evan blinked and shook his head, “Eds, you don’t believe in religion; why-” he cut himself off and frowned as a hazy memory appeared, “Is she the one who let Christopher get hurt?”

Eddie flushed, which was answer enough, and Evan shook his head, “Eddie, she literally had the same beliefs as your mother and kept trying to put Christopher in a neatly labelled box. What the hell were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t okay; I was sad and lonely, and I thought it was what was right.” Eddie defended, “I knew it wasn’t going to work, but then I got shot, and you started dating Taylor Kelly, of all people.”

Dumbfounded, Evan stared at him and rubbed his eyes, “but she was mean! Why would I- Eddie?” Evan whined sadly, “I don’t understand.”

Eddie moved until he was in Evan’s space and cupped his cheeks, “I don’t know, alright, it’s something we never ever talked about. You claimed you were only friends and that COVID had changed her. I didn’t see it, but I wasn’t in a place to ask questions, then everything went downhill fast.”

A haunted looked entered Evan’s eyes as they filled with tears, gaze dropping to his shoulder, and he shuttered, “Bad day.”

“It was.” Eddie agreed, “But we survived, and we’re standing here now.”

Evan sighed, fisting his hands into Eddie’s shirt, and changed the subject. “you promised me breakfast.”

“Actually, correct me if I’m wrong, but I said you could make me breakfast, and you asked if you could cook…. Remember?” Eddie asked with a raised brow.

Sheepishly, Evan lowered his head, resting his forehead against Eddie’s, “We make it together?”

Humming, Eddie nodded and pressed a kiss to Evan’s cheek before turning to the fridge. “Together.”

 

Chapter Fifteen

Stepping into the cafe, it felt familiar in the way a haunted house felt creepy, and it immediately set him on the defensive.

Which made no sense because it was an attractive location, peaceful atmosphere, clean and sweet smelling. It checked every box Evan could think of that would satisfy him fully, but something was hovering on the outer fringes of his memory. Without the context, he was just plain uncomfortable.

The cafe wasn’t busy, only about a quarter of the tables full, Maddie sitting at one in the back, her back to the wall and a cautious smile on her face as he moved further into the room, stopping at the counter to order, ignoring Maddie’s expression.

Paying for his drink, he accepted the to-go cup, having declined a House cup and carefully made his way across the room and sank into the chair before Maddie had even risen halfway to her feet.

“Not comfortable with touching.” Evan intoned as he carefully opened the tab and took a sip, humming in happiness as the rich burst of coffee hit his tongue.

“Why won’t you let me hug you?” Maddie demanded as she sat down, toying with the spoon by her tea.

“Because I don’t want to.” Evan started, frowning at the angry look on her face, and asked curiously, “Are you saying I need a justification not to be touched?”

Maddie reared back as if struck but didn’t comment, instead turning her attention to his drink, “Should you be drinking that?”

“I’m cleared by David, so yes.” Evan calmly put his elbows on the table, “I didn’t ask and accept a coffee date, so you could interrogate me; I did it so I could learn to know you again.”

“You should know me; it’s ridiculous that you forgot me.” Maddie snapped and took a breath, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that.”

Evan gazed at her silently, debated briefly about mentioning Daniel, and decided against it, replying softly. “I think you did.”

Shaking her head, Maddie glanced over his shoulder and perked up, “I have someone I want to introduce you to. Clive.” She waved and stood, shaking hands with an older gentleman who sat without a word.

Warily Evan sat back and glanced between the two, “What’s going on?”

Maddie smiled, “Evan, this is Clive MacIntosh; he’s a lawyer who will update your will and power of attorney, which should have been done a while ago.”

“Mr.Buckley.” Clive spoke carefully, enunciating his words like Evan was a child, “I just have some paperwork for you to sign; your sister is concerned that your health needs aren’t being met properly or correctly.” The man stated as he pulled out a bundle of papers and laid each one out, pen laying on top, “If you can’t write your signature, that’s perfectly fine; you just draw a little X, and I’ll witness it, so everything is up to snuff.” He explained, even going so far as to draw an X in the air and push the pen forward. When the elected no response, Clive picked up the pen and handed it over, an impatient expression creasing his brow.

“Evan, sign the paperwork, please.” Maddie coaxed sweetly, and Evan snorted and shook his head.

“You really think I’m crazy?” Evan asked as he gazed directly into Maddie’s eyes. “You realize I’ve been speaking in full and complete sentences; I walked in here under my own power. What makes you think I’m incompetent in making my own decisions?”

Maddie sighed sadly, “Evan, we both know you make poor decisions and judgment calls; it’s how we got in this mess in the first place, remember?”

“Really?” Evan demanded and sat back, folding his arms over his chest, “How, explain to me how any of this is my fault?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Maddie asked, “I should have been the one making decisions for you while you were in the hospital, but instead, you left Eddie in charge of that, to the point he could have bankrupted you; you then refuse to sell your condo for the needed income-”

“Why wasn’t the rent income from Albert going into an account in my name then?” Evan demanded, “Fair market value for that condo is over 2500 hundred, two months rent would amount to five grand, so where’s that money?”

Lips clamping into a thin line, Maddie spoke through clenched teeth, “You wouldn’t understand the complexities of how much money I’ve spent fighting to get you adequate care.”

“Really?” In disbelief, Evan could only shake his head before turning his attention to Clive, “How much are you charging to be here?” He held up a hand as Maddie went to speak, “I’m pretty sure Clive can speak on his own, so he doesn’t need you answering for him.”

Clive darted a glance at Maddie before focusing on Evan, “I’m sure the state of my financial arrangement with your family is of no interest; you can rest assured that everything is paid in full.”

“Is it? That’s good. I’d hate for you to be not paid for the waste of your time.” Evan pushed the pen aside and collected the papers, “I’ll get my own lawyer to go over these-”

“You don’t need to do that, Evan!” Maddie exclaimed in panic as she reached across the table.

“No?” Curious, Evan glanced down at the paper and started to read, the tight coil of anger lingering from Helena the day before igniting into a blaze. His eyes snapped up, and he glared at Maddie before turning to look at Clive, “And just what is the practice you work out of, Mr.MacIntosh?”

“Berkeley‘s and Irving’s, Mr.Buckley.” Clive frowned, “Not that you’d be familiar with it.”

“Is that so? As a lawyer, I’m sure you know you need a license to practice law in California, correct?” Evan asked curiously, watching as Clive shifted in his seat. “You wouldn’t happen to have a copy on you, would you? For verification purposes, I would hate for my sister to have paid for false filing or services rendered; I’m pretty sure that could be considered fraud and possibly misappropriation of funds.”

Clive’s eyes darted around the shop, looking shifty as hell, and Evan calmly took a sip of his coffee, letting the man sweat it out; Evan looked at Maddie, who was starting to look uncomfortable and slightly perplexed. “You forgive Chimney?”

Startled at the question, Maddie jerked but answered. “Howie explained what happened, and we agreed to leave it in the past because emotions were high at the time, and every one said and did things they didn’t mean.”

Humming, Evan glanced at Clive again, “How much where you offered to draw up those papers, even though you know they’re not valid?”

“This is ridiculous, Evan. Just sign the stupid papers so we can get your stuff and go home.” Maddie snapped and slapped the table, pointing at the pen.

Laughing, Evan shook his head, “I’m not signing anything without my own lawyer present, and I’m definitely not signing something from the same office your father uses, and who I also assume leaked the value of my trust fund, in an effort to take a slice.” Evan continued to smile, and shifted the papers, “you get an E for effort, but I recognize the stamp and last I checked no one in your office is licensed to practice in California, but none of you expected that I would know that, right?” Evan glanced between them, watching the conflicting emotions chase themselves across Maddie’s face, and he sighed sadly. “You’re never going to get their approval, you’re never going to get their love, the only thing Margaret cares about is her own image, and Phillip caters to that; they are selfish, narcissistic people, so whatever they promised you will never come to pass.”

“They do love us,” Maddie denied instantly, furious tears building in her eyes, “they’re here, and they’re trying; you’ve just let Eddie poison you against your own family.”

Raising an eyebrow, Evan shifted the bottom page and flipped it around, “Then explain why I’d be signing a document that commits me to an asylum in….” He frowned and then chuckled, “To be determined, but there is a list of possible ‘countries’ – that’s nice.” Evan raised his head and watched the colour bleed from her face, “your parents are asshats, and right now, you’re in the category too. You need to take accountability for your own actions and face the consequences of said actions.” He glanced around and gestured to the coffee shop, “Though it is fitting that you picked this cafe, isn’t it where you first started your campaign to get me to lower my goals and expectations in becoming a firefighter again after the ladder bombing?”

Face paling even more, Maddie swallowed, “You remember- why didn’t you tell me you remembered? You tricked me!”

“You didn’t ask; you immediately jumped on the ‘Evan, should you be doing that? Phase.” Evan snapped back, leaning forward, “I was giving you the benefit of the doubt, something you lack in your dealings with me; I’m not buying that shit. I may not remember my whole life, but what I have remembered makes me seriously question your presence.”

“You don’t mean that; I need you, Evan!” Maddie cried the tears that had threatened finally falling.

“No, you needed me four years ago when you finally found the courage to run from Doug, but because you perceived that I was ‘young’ and ‘stupid,’ I couldn’t possibly understand what you were going through, which is why Doug found you anyway.”

“How? How could you possibly say that?” Maddie demanded.

“Did you, or did you not, refuse to provide me a picture of Doug to pass around because you didn’t want anyone to know you were a victim?” Evan asked and nodded when she flinched. “If you had done what I asked, Chimney wouldn’t have becomes friends with him, which led Doug straight to you.” Evan tapped his finger against the table, “You repeatedly tried to get me to change careers claiming it was too dangerous, yet not once have you demanded the same of Chimney. You invited your parents here, then blackmailed and guilt-tripped me into dinner. When I clearly had no intention of ever speaking to them again. Not only did I find out about a dead brother, but you all kept the truth of my conception from me. I am literally a failed spare parts baby and saviour sibling. You feel guilty every time you look at me.” Evan pushed the cup away and straightened the papers, “You also needed my help a year ago when you were suffering from PPD, but instead of asking for it, you ran. Chimney punches me; you claim that ‘emotions’ were running high and things were said that weren’t meant. Are you serious? I was a victim of violence in my own home because, just like you, I can keep a secret. Howard Han cracked the orbital bone on the left side of my face, then has the audacity to claim I need to apologize.” He stared at Maddie flatly as he rose to his feet, “You realize you’re treating me just like Doug treated you, making me apologize to my abuser, so fuck that and fuck you until you can get your own head checked.”

“Mr.Buckley! Leave the papers,” Clive called behind him in a panic, and Evan turned a cold, calculating smirk on his face, “Why? Something you don’t want to be seen or known? I have the right to know the kind of care my donors wanted to provide for me in the event of my incapacitation or division of my assets in the event of my death. I wasn’t lying when I said my lawyer was checking them out. Let your boss know to expect a visit from your local authorities; hell, depending on how deep this shit is, it could mean the FBI.”

“I can’t let you leave with those papers, sir.” Clive tried again, rising to his feet, and swallowed as Evan stepped into his space, dwarfing him by a good foot and a half.

“You think you’re gonna stop me?” Evan asked softly, “Let me ask you a question, Mr.Macintosh. Did you even bother to do a background check on me, or did you just take the donor’s word on everything?”

“The Buckleys are long-standing clients; I didn’t think-” Clive started to stutter.

“That’s where you errored.” Even cut him off, “I haven’t talked to my parents before last year in over eight years. I spent years wandering the United States, meeting some fascinating people, and trying a slew of jobs, including an attempt at being a Seal. You’ll be happy to know I dropped out after BUDs and sad to know I lied when I said why.” Evan rose to his full height, his face blank, and lowered his voice to a dangerous whisper, “I always said I couldn’t turn off the emotions because it made people more comfortable, but the truth of the matter? I enjoyed it. So I could justify breaking your arm right now and not feel one ounce of remorse, and you’d be put in the back of a cop car, charged with fraud, embezzlement, misappropriation of funds, illegal representation and unlawful detainment.” Evan straightened as Clive swayed dangerously and stepped back, “I suggest sitting again, Clive. Would hate for you to brain yourself.” Glancing at a stricken Maddie, Evan shook his head, “Ask your parents about Grandma Buckley’s will and how much they received, and I’ll prove they’re lying. Also, I’d check the deed to the sale of your house; if this is the same lawyer who did everything for you, you probably don’t own it.”

With that, Evan turned and walked away without a word, escaping through the front door without a glance back. He was done with the bullshit.

* * *

Eddie was waiting for him in the truck, texting on his phone with a furious frown, as Evan slid inside, setting the papers between them. Eddie glanced over in concern before putting his phone in the cup holder. “Bad?”

A bitter laugh escaped Evan, and he nodded, stifling a sob, “Yeah, very bad. I explain at the office, though, not getting through twice.”

Reaching over, Eddie held his palm up and waited for him to take it – not commenting on his broken English. Evan clung to the hand like it was a lifeline.

It took time to get across town, the lunch-hour traffic snarling their commute by twenty minutes. Thankfully when they’d made the appointment, they’d warned Jenni that this was potentially possible; the lawyer didn’t have a problem with it, thankfully, more interested to see what Maddie had planned.

When they arrived at the offices of Davison and Seville, Eddie squeezed Evan’s hand before they got out of the truck. Eddie waited for him at the front and, linking hands, walked towards the front doors.

Jenni was already waiting inside the office, talking with the front desk secretary.

The young woman smiled at them, walked towards them, and held out her hand towards Evan, “Mr.Buckley, I’m Jenni Davison; you hired me about two years ago to set up your will and division of assets after gaining access to your inheritance.”

Evan shook her hand and surveyed her with a curious air, “Memory getting better, but sorry.” He shrugged uncomfortably, “no memory of events.”

“This is perfectly understandable, so I propose we treat this like an intake interview with some modifications. I have some paperwork to review, including your will and the letter you wrote to Eddie.”

At that, Evan perked up, “My words?”

Jenni’s brow wrinkled, and she seemed to hesitate but finally nodded, “Yes, you wrote him a letter to be included.”

Excited, Evan took a step forward before remembering the paperwork in his hand and took a breath, “Maddie tried to blindside me with a lawyer and force me to sign this.” He waved the file in his hand, “Apparently, she or her parents had the paperwork drawn up to change my power of attorney and medical proxy over, along with my approval to be committed.”

Frowning, Eddie glanced over at him, “committed to what?”

Rolling his eyes, Evan huffed, “A psychiatric facility, the most promising one was somewhere in Europe.”

Feeling Eddie tense, Evan squeeze his hand, “It’s alright-”

“It’s not fucking alright!” Eddie snapped, breathing hard, “That they had the audacity even to think that would happen-” he glared up at Evan, “Why the hell didn’t you say anything in the parking lot? I would have gone in there and told Maddie all about herself.” His jaw tightened in anger, “Perra estúpida.”Perra estúpidaStupid bitch

Lifting an amused brow, Evan shook his head and drawled, “Querido.”QueridoDarling To his increasing amusement, Eddie froze, a blush taking over his face as he ducked his head. “I didn’t tell you for that reason. I took care of it, at least as much as possible, in a public setting. I think Clive is contacting his doctor to adjust his heart medication and planning to flee the country.” As Eddie raised a brow, Evan grinned, “I’ll tell the story soon; let Jenni catch up on insidious paperwork.”

Watching Eddie swallow hard, Evan could see him struggling to release the anger. Squeezing his hand, Evan leaned forward and whispered, “Like the pet name, Querido?”

Eddie muttered something too low and decidedly not complimentary under his breath, and Evan chuckled, glancing up as Jenni cleared her throat, “As sweet as this is, it’s best to get started while Evan goes over the paperwork that already has his signature, I’ll go over the stuff you brought. Do either of you want something to drink?”

Eddie shrugged, “Water’s fine.” He glanced around, “is Pepa in today?”

Nodding, Jenni directed Eddie down a side hall, “If you want to see her, she’s down that way; we’ll be in conference room two when you want to join.”

Shaking his head, Eddie stayed by his side and replied, “No, I might pop in afterwards.”

A few minutes later, Jenni ushered them into a sunlit room, a dozen chairs sitting around a dark mahogany table and a projector set up overhead. The table was stacked with folders on both sides, a pitcher of water, condensation beading to the outside, and a plate of pastries.

“If you change your mind and wish for coffee or tea, the sideboard on the right has everything you need; the fridge is underneath on the left.” Jenni said as she directed them toward the table, “Everything is set up, but if you need anything else, please don’t hesitate to ask. I’ll be back after I get these photocopied.”

Evan stared at the pile of folders and swallowed, feeling daunted, vaguely registering Eddie’s acknowledgment to Jenni. Feeling Eddie touching his back, Evan drew a breath and shook himself before sitting.

Stalling, Evan looked over the folders, trying to hide the tremble in his hands by hiding them under the table, and flushed when Eddie bumped his shoulder. “Sorry, I’m-.” He shook his head, unable to continue.

“Canrio?” Eddie questioned softly, gripping his hand. “Your what?”

Glancing between the pile of folders and Eddie, Evan chewed his bottom lip before whispering, “Scared. I know we’ve talked about most of this, some in detail and some not, but the idea of ‘knowing.’” He sighed, “It feels like cheating again, like reading the journal.”

“Evan…” Eddie trailed off helplessly, and Evan shook his head.

“It’s alright.” He glanced at the folder again and flipped it open, “let’s do this.”

Sliding out the envelope, Evan took a breath and slid the paper out, squeezing Eddie’s hand when the other man slipped their hands together.

“Eddie,

If you’re reading this, then that means my estate planning has been invoked, and I’m sorry. I don’t know the circumstances surrounding the reading of this letter; I don’t know if I’m just critical injury or, worse yet, dead. But the point is, I should have had the courage to tell you to your face what I have done like you did for me, even if it took a year.

I want to start by saying that I had always intended for you and Chris to get everything but had never taken steps to implement that plan, at least not until we were held, hostage. After hearing the gunshot’s echoes, I realized that I needed to get my ass into gear and protect you to the best of my ability if I didn’t come home.

The second thing I want to stress is I love my sister. Still, I’ve recently come to a conclusion – however mistaken that may be – that while she loves me too, she’s never considered my well-being. If I’m only injured, she’ll do everything to “protect” me. And I can’t live through that type of care again, even if it was inadvertently; she almost ruined my life and career with the whole debacle after the ladder truck. I found out afterwards that she purposefully went out of her way to interfere and mettle, which forced me into the position to sue. Bobby is not entirely blameless; he should have taken the initiative to confirm what he was being told instead of listening and, worse, believing what Chimney whispered in his ear, but Maddie is responsible for that ball to have started rolling. Having said that, I never changed or listed her as a medical proxy after she came back from her disappearance act following the PPD, and with that, I have also wholly and formally removed her as power of attorney.

My wishes are listed out depending on the circumstances and severity of said injury, and I know that you will do everything possible to ensure they’re followed.

The bad news is that Maddie is unaware and will not be told. It will be stressful because she will fight you tooth and nail for any scrap of control; I beg you to resist, especially in the face of her tears. It’s a go-to response when she feels she isn’t getting her way.

I predict she’ll argue and fight the proxy based on several complaints, the first being money; as you already know about the medical fund set aside for any injury, I should also inform you that I am already independently wealthy. I don’t advertise or flaunt that, I already received too much flak for being a playboy when I started, and no one needed the knowledge that I never have to work a day for the rest of my life.

When that argument with Maddie doesn’t go how she wants, she’ll change tactics by claiming you’re either not listening to the doctors (Maddie means herself) or Maddie will start fighting for a second consult (specifically with a doctor Maddie trusts.) As rude as this will sound, do not trust any doctor or lawyer brought in. Maddie knows that I own my condo outright, have some moderate investments, and gained access to my trust fund last year. She just isn’t aware of how much that actually was. I never told her, and I can guarantee that the principal on it is more than hers ever was; Maddie removed hers entirely, based on the stipulation that we could gain full access early – if married. She took it, and I’m sure she lost most of it to Doug. I know she paid for his medical school. He was initially only taking his nursing, but with Maddie’s funds, he talked her into his dream of becoming a surgeon.

Maddie’s next step after she fails to get you to do what she wants is to attempt meditation with the idea it’ll get to sever your appointment as a medical proxy; unfortunately for Maddie, what she doesn’t know is that when I was asked to go in and clear out their apartment after both of them had fled, I took part of the paperwork listing her as my Power of Attorney, was it spiteful? Completely. Do I regret it? No. She has made more questionable choices in the last year than I’ve made in my life and refuses to acknowledge them or work through them. Maybe if she continues therapy, that will change, but I already predict that by September, she will have dropped that because she’s better, and shortly after, she and Chimney will get back together.

I’m unsure what else to say; it seems cruel to leave it like this, but also brutal and unnecessary to say what I want if the worst has happened. But I can’t leave ‘us’ without it being acknowledged at least once, so I’m sorry for being selfish.

I have known you have loved me for years; I knew it after the tsunami and again after the shooting. You gave me the most precious person in your life, and like a coward, I froze. The truth is, Eddie, I’ve loved you since the earthquake; seeing you reunite with Chris at the end of the shift, I knew I wanted that.

I know over the years, between bad flirting and unexpected jealousy, we have reached out but stopped before anything could happen. That was mostly my fault – internalized homophobia and want of parental approval were apparently louder than my wants. I had finally gathered the courage to say something, but when I found out you took Ana on a date, I did what I always do, retreat, and rebuild the walls.

It’s been a year since the breakup, and in that time, you have worked on yourself. I am so unbelievably honoured that you allowed me to support you. There is nowhere I’d rather be than at your back for the rest of my life. However long or short that may be, maybe by the time you have read this letter, I will have gathered the courage to say something; I can hope so anyway.

While this is not the most precious thing in my life, because that’s Chris, I can do this if I’m not here. I have ensured you’re both taken care of forever. You are the sole beneficiaries of my entire estate, which at the writing of this letter, amounts to 6.8 million dollars and some change. If I have passed away in an accident, that amount will triple.

I have also left detailed instructions on what Maddie and Jee will receive and the modest amounts set aside for May, Harry, Denny, and any other children either family has. In a bid to continue my petty streak, my parents will receive one dollar and a fuck you from both me and Molly Buckley, my grandmother, who arranged her will in a similar fashion. I found out upon receiving my inheritance that they had no clue what she had done.

There is already a separate, more significant trust fund for Chris, along with a medical fund designed specifically for his needs, even if that means surfing lessons or another surgery. It will all be covered.

I have only one other thing to say. I know you don’t believe in the universe, and any hint of the supernatural gets your back up, but I would like to think you were meant to be my soulmate if such things existed in our universe. I have never met another person who fits so well into my life, and I just wish I could have said it to your face. I love you, Eddie Diaz, and I will forever and ever.

Evan Buckley”

Evan set the paper down and brushed at the tears he hadn’t realized had started to fall. He swallowed hard, glancing at Eddie, and met warm, non-judgmental brown eyes. Eddie lifted a hand and brushed at a stray tear, “Never be ashamed of that letter or the emotions it invoked; you can ask Jenni, but I was a wreck after reading it. She and Pepa found me curled in a chair, a sobbing mess.”

Licking his lips, Evan glanced at the letter, “it wasn’t cruel?”

Shrugging, Eddie glanced at the letter, “Overall? No. At least not by the time I’d read it, I already knew you would survive, but maybe if I’d read it the week prior or a day after your accident, I might have a different opinion. In the end, it doesn’t matter; you’re still here, and so am I.”

Closing his eyes, Evan sighed and leaned into the hand Eddie still had on his face; when he opened them again, he met Eddie’s eyes and smiled slowly, “I love you.”

“I love you too, cariñoCariñoSweetheart,” Eddie replied, equally soft.

“Marry me.” Evan blurted, then flushed but didn’t take back the words, but rushed to justify asking, “I know I’ve only been awake a short time, and know I don’t have all of my memories-”

“Yes.” Eddie cut him off, tears filling his eyes, and repeated softer, “Yes. Name the time and place, and I’ll be there.”

Sniffling a sob, Evan twisted to face Eddie, face lighting up in wonder, “You said yes….”

“You’re right. I am skeptical that the universe could give me something as special as you….” He shrugged, “I couldn’t allow myself to believe it, but not once in the time I’ve known you have you ever given me a reason to doubt you, and I’m not about to start now.” Eddie replied and leaned forward to give him a kiss. ““I’ll always say yes to you.”

Beaming, Evan leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Eddie’s lips, the two of them getting lost in the action. They both jerked apart, breathing heavily and flushed as a knock sounded on the door, and it was opened. Evan could only be semi-grateful that Jenni had her head down, still engrossed in her document. He revised that thought when she finally lifted her gaze, raised a knowing eyebrow, and shot them a smirk, “Ready to move on to the rest of it. I have an update on the accident and news about the other pending case.”

Confused, Evan glanced between them as Eddie tensed but nodded and asked carefully, “Is that the Conner thing?”

Jenni sat in the chair across from them and nodded, “It is, but we’ll get it that.” Shuffling the folders around, she pulled out one and met their gaze. “So the accident….”

 

Chapter Sixteen

Three weeks passed in an almost blissful atmosphere; the paperwork for the insurance payout from the accident had been approved and paid out, so one case was closed.

Helena Diaz’s arrangement had been a shit show, and she had been remanded into custody and ordered to do a psych-eval. That process was not going as smoothly as Ramon had followed through on his threat of divorce, ruining any cooperation she had attempted.

Somewhat promising was the DA following through on the charges against Conner and his wife, they knew the defendants were pleading temporary insanity, but the DA thought they had a good case either way; now it was just a waiting game for the court case to arrive.

By the time Evan had been medically cleared of supervision and given permission to drive again. In amongst everything else happening, neither of them realized they hadn’t heard anything from Maddie or Chimney, which in hindsight, should have alerted them to the fact things had happened behind the scenes that no one had seen fit to inform them of. They didn’t find that out until Bobby showed up the day after Eddie had sent in a request to get out back on the next round of scheduling.

When Bobby arrived, he brought breakfast, and Eddie met him at the door, eyebrow raised in a silent question, but Bobby, an expert at avoiding eye contact, followed behind him when he sighed and called down the hall. “Babe, Bobby’s here.”

Interestingly Bobby didn’t say anything about the form of address, though his eyebrows skyrocketed into the sky when he caught sight of the kitchen through the missing door.

The destroyed kitchen – somehow both better and worse than Ana and the muffin escapade. “Don’t ask, please,” Eddie replied warily as he sank onto a chair, picking up his still-hot coffee.

Humming, Bobby moved to the sideboard, where Evan had stacked the dishes as he remodelled the kitchen. It had somehow grown in the scoop and agreed-upon details until it became a full renovation.

Eddie knew he should have fought it once it passed the parameters they’d agreed on, but watching and experiencing this side of Evan was fascinating, exciting and not exactly a hardship. It was also a big turn-on; the confidence the younger man had started to carry had already led to a boost in the bedroom, not that Eddie was admitting that to his captain and the person who was essentially Evan’s father.

Bobby returned to the table with the plates and accompanying utensils and started dishing up the food, glancing at Eddie in amusement, “has Evan made more inroads into his memories?”

Shaking his head, Eddie accepted the plate, “No, which had upset him initially, but working with his team of therapists, we got him to understand they might not come back.”

“Have you determined if or what memories he doesn’t have?” Bobby asked curiously as he sat down with his own plate piled high. The breakfast casserole had always been a favourite at the fire station, specifically Evan’s.

“Yeah, kind of; he remembers Abby now, unfortunately, though I guess watching him tell her off was satisfying. Ali is a no, he knows of her, based on what I said, but I figured she was out of the state for much of the dating period, and his opinion of himself for dating Taylor made me want to slap him and then cuddle him close.” Eddie admitted with a frown, brightening and smiling, when Evan walked in towelling his hair dry. The hair had grown back thick and lush, the curls evident because he had stopped jelling it and admitted to Eddie privately that he loved when Eddie played with his hair.

Evan‘s eyes lit up at the plate full of food waiting for him, and he slipped into the kitchen and came back with a bottle of ketchup which he opened as he sat down, squirting some on top.

Eddie couldn’t help but wrinkle his nose in disgust and noticed Bobby doing the same, but neither would draw attention to it. It was something new, as Buck would have never added ketchup, and Eddie sometimes wondered if it was because the Buckleys had just never bought it or had done the opposite and put it on all his food, thinking he’d eat it.

For the first several minutes, the only sound was them eating, but finally, halfway through the plate full of food, Bobby spoke and addressed Eddie, “You sent in an email to resume regular hours?”

Chewing and swallowing his mouthful, Eddie nodded, “Yeah, Evan’s been cleared to resume somewhat normal activities, even driving at this point, so it’s time to go back.”

“Okay, so my reason for stopping in without warning… was to let the both of you know what’s going on at the station.”

Confused, Eddie glanced at Evan before nodding at Bobby, “What do you mean?”

Heaving a sigh, Bobby placed both hands on the table, “After the New Year’s party where the truth of the punch came out, I took the next three days to think over what to do, and then I approached HR and asked for advice without naming names.” Bobby swallowed, “Unfortunately for me, I didn’t realize the person I was dealing with evidently knew more than I expected because she put two and two together and demanded an answer. When I hesitated, she point-blank asked me if I was talking about you being the victim and then pointed out the updated policy that had been put out and approved. I’d become somewhat lax in keeping updated on the ever-changing policy. Which earned me a minor reprimand and a day of reading the entirety of the policy book, followed by a five-page test.” He waved his hand as if waving off that part, “Anyway, as it stands, even without a police report, Chimney is still responsible for the assault of a co-worker – worse, he is responsible for the assault of a co-worker who was required to take medical leave for three weeks to allow the bone to heal. HR demanded an internal review, even though you are out on medical leave.” He took a breath, “it has taken them two weeks to investigate, including Chimney being brought in for questioning, with HR, a union rep and an independent detective who could be considered impartial and had no connection to you or anyone within the 118. As of right now, Chimney is off work – paid pending the completion of the investigation, and while I can’t promise he’ll have a job at the end of it, I can say he will not be returning to the 118 at this time. Half the station, when questioned, refused point blank to work with Chimney in any capacity in the future unless he did some serious therapy work.”

“Oh.” It was all Evan could say as he sat there like a fish, opening and closing his mouth. Eddie tilted his head and asked curiously, “Was the HR rep named Eva Orsit?”

Startled, Bobby nodded, “how did you know?”

Eddie smiled, “Technically, you know of her, but in a different context, she kept her maiden name when she married.”

Confused, Bobby shook his head lost.

“She’s Dodger’s daughter-in-law, Angel and Eva got married in December of 2019, just before covid hit the world stage.” He glanced over at Evan, who was frowning hard, “You met and went through BUDs with Angel, though she dropped out after you saved her on course. She owns, operates and runs a private gym-”

“Sandbox!” Evan shouted and then flushed, “I- sorry, the name just popped into my head. She challenges me in the free climb on the wall.”

“Yeah, she does, to my ever-lasting horror,” Eddie replied tonelessly.

Evan stuck out his tongue and asked Bobby, “Is that it?”

“Yeah, I figured I’d give you an update because I have no idea how Chimney or Maddie will react. Hen doesn’t have any information either, or at least nothing beyond; Chimney has been ‘too quiet,’ and it’s making her ‘jumpy and suspicious,’” he rolled his eyes, “and yes, those are direct quotes.”

Sadly Evan shrugged, “Chimney will lie to Maddie’s face and get her to believe his narrative. We have security cameras, and I’m not afraid to fight back if it becomes necessary this time.”

Bobby looked pained and offered a sympathetic glance, “I don’t know if it’ll make it better or worse, but given the issues surrounding the incident, Maddie was also brought in for questioning, and they’re both currently at HR getting the verdict now, at least the part where and why Chimney will be not returning to the 118. Eva apparently didn’t trust either of them not to lie and would only provide the findings when they were both free, Which was a bit unorthodox.” Bobby admitted and ran a hand down his face, “I’ve been ordered to continue the therapy, which has also been made mandatory for the entire station; even if it’s only an hour once a month, you must provide proof of the visit. Plus, I have to hire a paramedic to replace Chimney and another heavy rescue asset; I’m not allowed to piggyback off floaters anymore.”

Eddie glanced at Bobby and could tell he felt horrible for admitting that but didn’t know how to address it.

Bobby swallowed and glanced at Evan, “and what about you? Have you made any decisions on your future plans?”

Evan shrugged, “David said he wouldn’t be able to sign off on me returning to active duty.” He held up a hand, the faint trembling still evident, “So I plan on continuing the courses I had signed up for. I do have to repeat the year, but due to the circumstances, the university has allowed the tuition I already paid for the current semesters to transfer over to classes in the fall; right now, I have to complete the last semester, which they are allowing at my pace.”

At that, Bobby lifted his head mid-bite, “I didn’t know you had done that.”

Flushing, Evan shifted and shovelled a forkful into his mouth without answering.

Eddie reached across the table and offered his hand, which Evan took, “he hadn’t told anyone; he’s currently in his second year of obtaining his Bachelor of Science in civil engineering, with a focus on Emergency Protocol due to structural damage caused by natural disasters. It’s his working thesis.” Eddie gave him a fond, proud look and then shifted to look at Bobby, “the university – UCLA – bent over backwards to keep him when they found out what had happened; he has the highest marks across the board in the last five years.”

“Eddie.” Evan whines, face heating up again in embarrassment, but Eddie simply grinned.

“Hey, I’m allowed to brag about my awesome smart fiancé.”

“Fiancé?” Bobby asked, blinking between them, “When did that- you guys weren’t even dating – officially, at least.”

Shrugging, Eddie smiled, “When you know, you know, and we decided we’re not waiting long, we’ve already lost enough time.”

Still blushing, Evan kept his gaze lowered and concentrated on eating, making Bobby chuckle, “I’m happy for you, the both of you. If Evan does come back to work, you are aware you might be switched to different shifts, right? Don’t get me wrong, I want to keep you together, but HR-”

“Bobby, it’s alright.” Evan spoke around a mouthful of food, then swallowed with a wince, “I haven’t decided if I’m coming back, even when I’m cleared.” He offered a smile, “which I know is a shock considering my past history, but being another medical miracle has made me readjust my life and expectations. Right now, the only thing I am concerned with is being able to dance at our wedding reception without feeling like I’m going to vomit. For further into the future, we’ve actually discussed moving to FEMA full time, or at least that is something we’re looking at once I have my degree.”

Bobby straightened in his chair and set his fork down, a marathon of emotions crossing his face.

Evan appeared to take the lack of response as unfavourable because he rushed to assure the older man, “Not that you won’t see us, just because we might not work at the 118 in a few years, doesn’t mean you’ll get rid of us, Dad.”

A suspicious sheen entered Bobby’s eyes at the title, and he moved to pull Evan into a hug, his ‘whisper’ loud enough for Eddie to hear.

“I’ve missed you calling me dad.”

Feeling a sting of tears, Eddie blinked rapidly, watching Evan swallow and hug Bobby back, “You are my dad, and that’ll never change no matter what I call you.”

Nodding tightly, Bobby clung to Evan for an extra second, “I love you, kid.”

“Love you too, Dad,” Evan replied, voice sounding tight.

The two hugged it out for a few more minutes before Bobby cleared his throat and released Evan, sinking into his chair again, “so what else have you got up to?”

A blush climbed Evan’s cheeks before gesturing behind him towards the kitchen, “Umm, I might have decided to redo Eddie’s kitchen….” He ducked his head as Eddie groaned and let out a broken laugh.

“Redo? Babe, you destroyed it because you want to put an island in.“ Eddie replied, laughing, “Evan had mentioned something the night before about ‘maybe’ putting an island in because the resell on the house would go better. I thought in my naivety that he would do some basic measurements to see if he could, but get this, Bobby, I left him alone for two hours, just two hours, mind you, took Chris to school and came home to this.” He dropped his head into his hand and laughed again, “he was in the middle of ripping out the last cupboard and asking me to move my truck because he was expecting a delivery.” Eddie glanced at Evan, the younger man determinedly keeping his head lowered, cheeks still red, “we then spent the next two days touring cabinet makers. We should be getting the new ones next week.”

“In my defence, the cabinets were shoddy, to begin with; one more good earthquake, and they’d be coming down.” He glanced at Eddie from underneath his lashes, “I also said you should let me inspect the load-barring beam too, but you won’t.”

Sputtering, Eddie laughed, “No, because I’ll turn around, and we’ll be sleeping in tents because you’ve torn the house down.”

Flushing again, Evan finished the last mouthful on his plate, and Eddie reached across the table, “you have free range to inspect the new house, remember?”

Brightening, Evan grinned, “could we build from scratch?”

Rolling his eyes, Eddie rose from the table and collected the dishes, “No, but you can wash the dishes.”

Heaving a sigh, Evan glanced at Bobby, “he doesn’t let me have any fun.”

“This a long-standing argument?” Bobby asked as he laughed and shook his head when Evan just grumbled and collected the dishes from Eddie’s hands and called after him.“I’m sure it’ll work out, kid. Keep in mind, you did destroy his kitchen.”

“It’s my bloody kitchen; Eds doesn’t cook,” Evan called from the kitchen.

Eddie groaned and sighed, “Liar, you know my Alfredo recipe is on point. You ate enough of it.”

Evan stuck his head around the doorframe and grinned, “You love me anyway.”

Helplessly Eddie sighed again, “Yeah, I do.”

* * *

Three days later, after Eddie returned from work and having dropped Chris off at school, Evan was standing in the still-demolished kitchen, attempting to ignore the little wall blocking the dining room. Eddie was sleeping, and he had promised his fiancé he wouldn’t touch it, and after Eddie’s reaction in gutting the kitchen, Evan was trying to be good. It was just… it would make it so much larger if Evan could open it up. Sighing, he finished the dishes left over from breakfast, moved back into the living room with his cup of coffee and settled on the couch with his laptop.

He’d just gotten comfortable when there was a knock at the door and sighed in annoyance; no one had texted to let him know they were coming over. Grumbling bitterly, Evan set the laptop back down on the coffee table and uncurled his long frame to rise to his feet, and moved to the door.

The surprise on his face must have shown because Maddie had the grace to grimace and lower her gaze, though she did step back as Evan opened the storm door. “Where’s, Chimney?”

“At home with Jee.” Was the soft reply as she lifted her head to search his face and flinched at its blank expression.

He knew Maddie had never seen the look before; it had been something he’d taken great pains not to show the world, especially anyone within the 118, but the benefit to losing his memories and only having about 3/4 return, he no longer cared in hiding that side of himself. Folding his arms, he leaned against the jam and raised a brow, “What are you doing here?”

Maddie swallowed and drew in a breath, “Umm… I wanted to speak with you privately, with no tricks, lies, or omissions. If you have the time, that is.”

Blinking a little at the honesty, Evan debated it for half a second and then nodded, holding open the door and allowing her to enter. “Do you want a drink? Coffee, tea?”

“Just water, thanks.”

Hesitating briefly, Evan nodded towards the living, “You can sit down; I’ll be right in.”

He took an extra few minutes to angst in the kitchen before returning with a glass of water, hiding his surprise that Maddie wasn’t actually going through the folders that littered the coffee table, nor had she touched his laptop, the screensaver showing Chris, Eddie and him at the zoo recently sliding past.

Sinking onto the cushion he’d previously vacated, he handed over the water and twisted and relaxed against the arm as he waited. He was in no rush and was content to gaze over Maddie’s face.

He had missed her, or at least the girl he remembered from his childhood, but by gaining knowledge of Daniel, he also earned the perspective that Maddie had felt compelled to care for him. The feeling that she cared out of duty was not necessarily a lie, but one he could admit now wasn’t the entire truth.

The tension built in the room until Maddie finally huffed an irritated breath, “Aren’t you going to ask what’s this about?”

“No, you said you wanted to talk, so talk.” Shrugging, Evan leaned over and picked up his coffee, “You arrived here uninvited after ghosting me for almost 4 weeks – which, sure, it’s better than the eight months you just disappeared or the 6 years with Doug, but why do you expect me to be curious or concerned now?”

He kept his voice calm. However, Maddie still flinched at the pointed reminder and averted her gaze, her lower lip trembling even if she tried to hide it. “I owe you a huge apology.” She started and frowned, “After you walked out of the cafe, it got me thinking and questioning everything, but I couldn’t- I didn’t want to accept any of it.” Twisting her hands together on her lap, she ducked her head, “But there was a night I couldn’t sleep and went to get a cup of tea – that Camille tea you got for me when I was pregnant.” She offered a hesitant smile that fell when he didn’t react. He didn’t have the memory and wasn’t faking to make her feel better. “Anyway, Mom and Dad were out on the little patio…” she swallowed hard, hands upping the momentum in the movement, and admitted, “they didn’t realize I was awake, nor that the door hadn’t latched behind them, they- Evan-” she broke on a sob, “how- why did you never say how horrible they where?”

Evan frowned and took a sip of his coffee, partly too by himself sometimes, but also, he was working through what memories he did have that specifically dealt with his parents.

“I tried, Maddie when you first left home and right up until they showed up here for that first dinner. You ignored me or tried to convince me that I was wrong, that they ‘loved’ me and just had a poor way of showing it. That they were “good people, but bad parents.” He sighed and shifted until he could set the mug down, “can you honestly sit there and say you still believe that?”

Mouth trembling, Maddie wiped at her face, still hesitant to agree.

Frustrated, Evan ran a hand through his hair, “Okay, let me ask you this, if Daniel had survived, what do you think they would have done with me? Would I have been celebrated for saving the son they wanted, or would they have wrapped me in bubble wrap to ensure the investment they created would be safe if Daniel needed anything else?”

Frantically Maddie shook her head, unable to answer, making Evan curse under his breath, “Look, at best, they ignored me, which I guess is better than what they did to Daniel, which was to erase and forget he ever existed. Please don’t shake your head; they didn’t grieve for a single second; they wore it like a shroud and ignored us; it was like it was their daily penitence having to interact with me. And you learnt that lesson too.”

“Evan, no.” Maddie denied it instantly, suddenly furious.

“Yes, you did; you fought Eddie on every decision, took him to mediation when he wouldn’t cave, and packed up and sold my belongings. The only items I have from my condo are things Eddie took out before you went in and tried to erase me. Now I don’t know if that was at their behest or if you just did it because it was too hard – which, whatever, it doesn’t matter, but you didn’t even wait a week before trying to get rid of me.”

“Stop saying that! I wasn’t trying to erase you.” Maddie cried in denial. “I was honestly just trying to deal, the doctors weren’t telling me anything, and all Eddie kept saying was it was promising. No one asked me anything, not my wishes, thoughts or feelings. It was all about you!”

Stunned, Evan could only stare at her blankly, too shocked even to laugh, and he watched as if in slow motion as her face went through a marathon of emotions, the blood draining from her face. “Oh god….”

“Of course, it was about Evan!” Eddie snapped as he stumbled into the room, rubbing a fist into his eyes. “Christ, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Eds….” Evan pleaded, reaching out a hand the other man took and raising to his lips, pressing a lingering kiss against the palm. “I’m not sorry; she put me through Hell because her feelings got hurt? Fuck that. I knew exactly what you wanted regarding wishes and medical care; I wasn’t going to let some bully step up and get their way.”

“I’m not a bully!” Maddie exclaimed, glaring at the both of them.

“No? Who came in two days after he was injured to say he would be brained dead before the doctor arrived?” Eddie shot back, just as angry.

Maddie stared at Eddie in betrayal as Eddie squeezed Evan’s hand and demanded, “Look, you can’t sit here and act shocked or surprised when you’re called on your bullshit, you’re in the wrong, and you know it.”

Watching her lips clamp into a thin line made Evan’s patience snap as he pointed at her, “Did you read all the papers in the folder you tried to get me to sign?”

Maddie’s eyes widened and then closed, answer enough, but she still nodded, “Not all of them; I honestly didn’t know about the one to have you committed; I don’t know if it was because it hadn’t been included or….” She shook her head, “No, I kept getting nauseous about what they were trying to do, but they convinced me it was for the best. They- Mom kept going on about how you obviously had to have been permanently damaged and couldn’t be helped, so it was better to get you professional help now why everything was still new, hoping you wouldn’t fight it as much.” Maddie wiped at her eyes again, reaching out with the other hand, but let it fall before it touched, “I knew that day in the hospital that whatever they planned was going to backfire. It was like watching a horror movie live. I’d never seen a look like the one on your face that day, but it was the most honest expression I’d ever seen in any of your dealings with them. You had always put on a mask before; even in dealing with me, you’ve never let me see the real you.”

“I’ve never trusted anyone to see the real me.” Evan shrugged at the appalled expression on Maddie’s face and tugged Eddie to sit down on the arm. “Not even Eddie, I might have shared more with him, but it’s because he’s proved that he’s the only one I can count on.“

“You can count on me, Evan. I want to take care of you.” Maddie pleaded.

“I don’t need to be taken care of; that’s what you’re not getting, Maddie.” Evan responded flatly, face twisting in annoyance, and demanded. “why are you actually here, Maddie?” When she only chewed her lower lip to stall, Evan rose to his feet, collected his mug, snagged her glass from her hand, and turned towards the kitchen, only pausing when she let out an aghast cry.

He turned back and raised a challenging brow, “Look, I don’t have the time or inclination to argue over my mental capabilities; I’m never giving you control over myself or my assets. You have no say in how I live my life or who I love.” He pointed a finger when she opened her mouth, “You made a fucking joke about not wanting to put me together with Josh, saying you’d never do that to him – implying that I was somehow horrible, and who does that?” He waved his hand, “You were also incredibly callous and cruel about Abby, first asking what I had done to run her off and then bluntly telling me I was holding on when she was out fucking other people. You have never respected me or any of my choices; you act like I’m still a kid, and it stops now. I don’t need you to save me, you lost that right when I was nineteen, and I came to you for help. You didn’t listen. You acted like I was a burden and gave me a thousand dollars and the keys to the jeep and then ghosted me for the next six years.” Breathing hard, Evan shook his head and took a breath, “So yeah, I’m done. Either answer the question or get out. Why are you actually here, Maddie?”

Body trembling, Maddie pulled out a folder of paper from her pocket and held it out, “I went through the paperwork from the sale on the house, and thankfully I do own it, kind of; Howie’s name is nowhere on the paperwork, which- whatever that’s not the point, the point is, that there is a clause in the contract for when mom and dad loaned me the money for the down payment. Clive, who was the lawyer who drew up the paperwork, glossed over most of it, and in between that, I was also trying to get control over you, so I just let it slide.” She held up a hand imploringly when he made to move, so he set the dishes down and folded his arms across his chest, “anyway, one of the clauses says that I have one year to pay back the down payment with a 19% interest, or the ownership will revert back to them. With only one of us working full time, there is no way we can save that type of money and survive; it will be tight just surviving.” She drew in a shuddering breath, “I’ve heard everything you’ve said, and while I don’t believe you’re being completely fair in your assessment, I’m not going to fight it. You are entitled to how you feel-”

“Big of you.” Eddie snarked from where he’d slid into Evan’s seat, eyes closed, ignoring the flash of irritation Maddie through him.

“Anyway, the conversation I’ve overheard implied that Mom was still pissed off that you didn’t just sign the paperwork like our parents wanted, claiming they deserved it. Whatever it was, I don’t know, but the endpoint was the same. Dad said they would have to wait until November to get the money to fight your current power of attorney, saying that when I failed to hand over the down payment, they’d put my house up for sale.” Maddie breathed out, trying to control the tears that threatened her.

Evan unfolded his arms and shared a look at Eddie, who shrugged, “What do you expect me to do?”

“I don’t expect anything, but I’m asking for help. I don’t know what to do; you said that Clive shouldn’t be practicing in California, so maybe it would be possible to fight the contract?” Maddie asked tightly, “I don’t know, I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

Evan had a few guesses about what “it” was but didn’t say anything as he rubbed a wary hand down his face. “Before I agree to anything, tell me about the meeting with HR?”

Maddie flushed vividly, but Evan couldn’t tell if it was from embarrassment or anger. He let her gather her thoughts as he moved to sit down in the armchair across from her.

“I’m mad that you took a private family matter to HR; it didn’t need to be aired like that. At all. If you had an issue, you should have come to me and let me deal with it.” Maddie finally replied and frowned when Evan sighed sadly and stated calmly.

“I didn’t have anything to do with it, so don’t put the blame on me.”

“But you had to; no one else could.” Maddie denied it and then flushed again when Eddie chuckled.

“Bobby did in his capacity as Captain, Chimney broke his moral and ethical clause when he physically assaulted a fellow firefighter.” Eddie raised a brow as she glared at him, “Which you know because we were told the results of the meeting, and blaming Evan for Howard’s fuck up and then coming here asking for help on top of that is all kinds of wrong, Maddie.”

The redness in her cheeks didn’t dissipate, but she did lower her gaze, shrug her shoulders, and conceded in a low voice. “you’re- you’re right.” She raised her head, wiped at her face, and admitted, “I have no excuses for my behaviour, and I won’t try and make any. The HR rep was very pointed and blunt when talking to us. She laid out the foundation of Howie’s service with the LAFD and explained that while his previous captains had been shit, that didn’t give him the right to turn around and bully the next person in turn. Which is what his actions amounted to in his dealings with you, Evan.”

She sighed and played with the seam of her pants, “It was also pointed out to me that I play a role in that. I let my worry and concern for you take over rational thought, and I use Howie as a mouthpiece because he does anything to keep me happy.” She flushed, “Eva stated clearly that she believed Howie should lose his job – and he will if he doesn’t complete the mandatory therapy, psych-eval and recertification. But because of the systemic abuse at the hands of Howie’s old captain, they’re tentatively offering to work with him. So, for now, he’s being moved into a non-front-line position. It’s a 9-9 position, making it easier to arrange childcare for Jee.” When neither Eddie nor Evan said anything, she continued, “I also realized during that meeting that the type of relationship Howie and I have isn’t healthy. I’m going back to therapy to do better for Jee and myself. I already called the doctor I had been seeing in September and set up an appointment this afternoon.” She cleared her throat, “I just came from bloodwork because the doctor isn’t happy I just stopped going.” She gazed between the two of them, “I know both Howie and I have a lot to do to make up for the mistakes and actions we have taken; I need to step back from involving myself in your life and trying to make decisions for you, so I’m offering to do therapy with you…. If that’s something you might be interested in doing.”

Evan frowned and fidgeted in the chair, “why do you want it to repair our relationship?“ he raised a brow when she opened her mouth, “the real reason and not the prettied-up version you’ve cooked up in your head.”

When she still hesitated, Evan folded his arms, “You’ve been here almost two hours, and in that time frame, you have done a remarkable job of flipping back and forth on who’s to blame in this situation. You even stated that you were mad that my medical injury wasn’t about you like you think you have some inherent right to my pain, and I’m not here for that.” Evan leaned forward, pointing a finger at her, “I’m done catering to people who expect me to do all the work; if you want to do therapy, I need a reason beyond ‘we’re family.’ I don’t give a fuck about blood ties to people; Maggie and Phill could drop into a volcano tomorrow, and I wouldn’t react. I have parents who love me. I have a sister who respects me and my boundaries, and I have a fiancé and a son I will go over the wall to protect. I don’t have time for toxic people or toxic relationships, and that’s what our relationship is right now. It’s toxic as fuck, and it’s not healthy for any of us.”

Maddie was one second away from bawling, the tears tracking down her face at an alarming pace. It took her a few tries, but she finally breathed enough to stutter a reply. “I’ve spent 30 years living without one brother; I don’t even remember what he looks like anymore. I can’t remember the sound of his voice or his laugh, but I see his smile every time I look at you. I’ll never get any of that back,” She inhaled nosily, “I don’t want to spend another thirty years regretting the loss of another brother, one who’s still alive. I refuse to let that happen – even if you decide not to help me against Maggie and Phil. I won’t let their indoctrination ruin the rest of my life.”

Evan glanced at Eddie, who was watching him closely, the older man giving a tiny nod. Evan closed his eyes and sank against the back of the chair. He felt overloaded and overwhelmed but knew that he did want to attempt to have a working relationship with his sister; slowly, he opened his eyes, “Can you get me the rest of the paperwork that you have surrounding the sale of the house?”

Startled a little at the question, Maddie blinked, wiping her eyes and nodded, “I only brought the part with the clause- I just didn’t think- yes, I can get them.” She closed her mouth and inhaled, “Does-does that mean you’ll help me?”

“It means I’ll help.” Evan leaned forward, “And I’ll try therapy, but if it fails, we’ll have to readjust expectations. I meant what I said; I’m not surrounding myself with toxic people.”

 

Epilogue

September 18, 2023

In the last six months, their lives had been hectic. The previous ‘almost’ year, an unbelievable strain that tested the bonds of friendships, as they learnt what it meant to be family and embrace support and unconditional love. It also gave them a standpoint on letting go of toxic relationships.

On Eddie’s side of the family, he’d had cut contact with Adriana and most of his mother’s side, who were still pleading on their mother’s behalf, even with the divorce finalized and Ramon living in LA now. Every month Adriana would call with a new argument or health crisis their mother was under, and Eddie was just done.

The case against Conner and his wife had resulted in a monetary fine and jail time for both of them, being served at separate mental health facilities. The last word they had received was the two were divorcing, citing irrevocable differences.

With the help of therapy and the regular hours, Chimney had come to significantly enjoy his job teaching at the academy. Being the first to speak up and asked to refrained from training or supervising anyone from the 118, neither Evan nor Eddie knew if it was genuine or an effort to give him some brownie points with the brass.

As for Maddie, in both her individual therapy and the therapy, the two remaining siblings had slowly started to work out their differences, even though it had been touch and go a few times when Evan had been firm in his boundaries. It was still a work in progress, but it had greatly helped when he had managed to find a way for Maddie and Chimney to get out of the contract they’d signed with the Buckley parents.

The embezzlement and extortion charges shocked them, especially when they learned Evan was paying. It resulted in them having to finance their home to fight the charges. When they lost, it meant more than they ever expected. They didn’t receive jail time, which they had been slightly mollified by until they learned the consequences.

The law firm was closed and under review by the FBI, but they did have to pay off the mortgage in full, and the Buckley’s were blindsided when they were ordered to pay Maddie the sum set out in the unreasonable burden set out in the contract, to begin with.

It meant a weight had been lifted from the Buckley-Han household; Maddie had been free of that obligation and now owned her home outright.

When it became evident that the Buckleys couldn’t afford the new mortgage with their savings severely depleted, the home went into foreclosure, and they had to downsize and sell off many of their assets. It was an ironic and just punishment that the one thing Margaret Buckley had fought so hard to obtain, priceless antiques, now had to be sold, on top of getting a job with a criminal record.

It had surprised no one when they received word that the Buckleys had packed up, moving to a smaller town, and now both of them worked, Margaret as a waitress at a small cafe and Phillip at a Walmart.

The Wilson family had some adjustments to make, even if Hen had supported Evan during the start of his recovery; after Chimney had lost his job, it had created a tension that, while semi expected, had been against the norm. Karen had put up with it for two weeks before she put her foot down and demanded that Hen either stop talking to Chimney or start her own therapy. If Chimney had to accept the consequences of his actions, so did Hen. The demand had almost become an ultimatum when Karen found out, Hen had supported Chimney in his quest across the country searching for Maddie. The two of them were in a good place now and had plans to pursue adoption, the idea of fostering too painful, though they still saw Nia regularly.

Bobby and Athena were discussing retirement and had ideas to travel, but no plans had been made; the last time they had attempted a honeymoon had resulted in Athena’s father suffering a heart attack and a criminal investigation. Evan still didn’t remember that and had been fascinated by the tale.

Every Sunday, though, even if it was just Bobby or Athena, they sat down to supper with the “Diaz” family and talked out their week.

Eddie had hemmed and hawed before grudgingly moving into the lieutenant’s spot, passing the exam with flying colours. It had helped that Evan had been particularly excited and had jumped him the second he walked in the door after his first shift. Eddie still blushed when thinking about that night. Evan never returned to being referred to as Buck, he’d respond if someone called him that, but that was for those that didn’t matter. As for the university courses, he had completed the last year, in the middle of August, just in time to start the new year, and while he was thinking of recertifying, he was content to wait until he had his degree.

As for the kids of the 118, they were all doing well in school, and for grade ten, all of them would finally be in the same school. Their excitement for that seemed over-the-top because they still had an entire school year before that happened. Even if she wasn’t a kid anymore, May had started another year at university, finally deciding her major and concentrating on law with an eye towards hostage negotiation – another story Evan hadn’t remembered on his own.

As for Evan and Eddie, they were still going strong, their love and respect for each other, sometimes a point of jealousy no one would speak of out loud. Mostly everyone felt honoured to witness it like they were today.

The hall was decorated with care and attention to detail; the flowers were beautiful as they almost shimmered in the fairy lights above the dance floor. The food had been phenomenal and filling, nothing like the tiny little plate offered at a high-class restaurant; this was a good home-cooked fair that did what it was intended. The three-tiered cake stood off to the side, half-eaten; the three boys giggled as they stood around the candy table, avoiding the looks the parents that were paying attention sent them.

As the first strains of a guitar filled the hall, it caused more than one eyebrow to raise, but Evan’s smile lit the room, his breath catching at the memory. Not long after he’d demoed the kitchen, Eddie had been cleaning to old country music, something Evan couldn’t remember ever witnessing, but to keep the romance alive and the amusement on Evan’s face. The older man had pulled him close, just like now, and slowly rotated them around the floor, getting lost in each other’s eyes.

When the words finally penetrated to the guest, it generated more than one eye to fill because while it was an odd choice in song, it fit them perfectly….

“Oh, baby, I’m gonna love you forever

Forever and ever amen

As long as old men sit and talk about the weather

As long as old women sit and talk about old men

If you wonder how long I’ll be faithful

I’II be happy to tell you again

I’m gonna love you forever and ever

Forever and ever, amen

I’m gonna love you forever and ever Forever and ever, forever and ever Forever and ever, amen….”

The End.

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