Reading Time: 152 Minutes

Title: Begin Again
Series: Like Ripples From a Small Stone
Series Order: 1
Author: DarkJediQueen
Fandom: 9-1-1
Genre: Drama, Family, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, Slash
Relationship(s): Evan “Buck” Buckley/Tommy Kinard
Content Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Violence – Graphic , Discussion-Rape
Author Note: Eddie’s sister’s name is spelled Sophia in canon. I’ve changed it to Sofia.
Beta: ScarsLikeVelvet & Starkindler, Alpha: Starkindler
Word Count: 37,797
Summary: Buck’s felt lost for a long time and he thought that the 118 was the closest family he would ever have, until he became friends with Tommy Kinard.
Artist: Tintalle

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Chapter One

“You’re-you’re super smart and funny and obviously killer at your job, um, but I’m-I’m realizing that I have some issues when it comes to women and intimacy. And if, uh, if we went out on a date, I’m pretty sure we’d have sex.” Buck hated admitting it, but he knew that he had issues. He needed to work on himself and that before he pulled in someone he really liked, and he really liked Abby, even if she was older than him. He never had cared about the age of the people he was with as long as everything was legal, and Abby and her job made sure that Buck knew she was legal.

“Uh, okay. You think I would just sleep with you? I’m not sure what to make of that.”

“No, look, it’s, um, it’s not you, it’s, it’s not you, it’s me.” Buck chuckled. “Um, look, I have issues. For example, I just slept with my therapist in our first session. It’s kind of like I’m a magnet.” There was no other way for Buck to look at that.

“Hold on one moment, Buck. I’ll be right back.”

Buck half expected to hear the phone disconnect. He heard what sounded like a restaurant or a shop noise and then muffled talking. Abby hadn’t hung up on him yet.

“Yes, mom, I’m fine, but I think that Buck needs me right now more than you do. You’ve got Carla, and you are all dolled up. You’ll have fun with just her.”

“What’s wrong with Buck?” another woman asked.

“He said something that I don’t want to repeat here because you’ll get very, very upset.”

Buck tried to think over what he said that would upset whoever Abby was talking to. It didn’t sound like Abby’s mom. Buck had heard her once before, but that was it. This was someone else with a different cadence to her voice.

“Abby?” Buck asked but got nothing. Whatever Abby was doing, she wasn’t walking with her phone at her ear. Buck looked around the gym area, and no one was looking at him, so he dropped down to the weight bench and laid there looking up.

“Buck, are you still there?” Abby asked.

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“Good. I didn’t even think of what might happen if you got a call. You are at work, right?” Abby asked.

“I am. Abby, what is going on?”

“This is something I need you to trust me on, and I want to do it in person. I know you are at work until tomorrow morning so I’ll come to you, and I would like to talk to you alone but in public. We can go to a corner in the station house or outside for a few minutes, but this needs to be done in person. I promise you in no way will I allow us to get anywhere near sex.”

“Okay,” Buck said. His stomach felt off, and he felt like he was going to throw up. He didn’t know what he had done to upset Abby that she felt she had to see him here. She didn’t strike Buck as someone who was all about confrontation like that. “The doors are open. If we leave, they will still be open as there is always someone here. Just come on inside when you get here. You know what I look like, so just find me.”

“See you soon.”

Buck hung up without saying anything, and he looked at what weights were on the bar. It wasn’t a lot, but it was enough to keep him from thinking too hard about anything going on with him and Abby. He lifted the bar and pulled it forward to start to do reps. He didn’t push for the burn but just slow and steady.

Buck wasn’t sure what was going on around him. He would hear the alarm if it went off, but all of the grunt work was done for the time being, and now it was time to focus on keeping up his body for the rescues he was being trained to do by Bobby. The shift that Buck was on needed the heavy rescue people. The pair that used to do them had been injured enough to where they weren’t coming back after being hit by a car on the freeway. It was why Buck had been assigned to Bobby without his say-so. He got one person assigned and then had a year to pick a second to work with Buck.

“Buck?” Abby called out.

Buck finished the last ten reps before laying the bar back in the cradle and sitting up. Abby was standing at the edges of the gym area, looking at Buck with concern on her face.

“Can I help you?” Bobby asked as he wandered closer.

“Hello, Captain Nash, my name is Abby Clark. I work at the 9-1-1 Call Center.”

“Oh, is something wrong?”

“No, Cap, she’s here to talk to me. We are going to head over and sit in the back of the bus,” Buck said. It was the only place he could think of that would keep people away. Hen and Chim were up in the loft, and they were not going to come down. Everyone else was afraid that Bobby would find something for them to do if they stopped what they were doing.

“Well, if you need anything, Buck, just holler.” Bobby headed up the stairs to work on whatever meal he would make for dinner.

“Here,” Buck said. He waved toward the back of the ambulance that was open. He could see where there was evidence of it being washed out, so it was why the doors were open. No musty smells for the inside of it.

Buck looked at Abby and sat down on the seat up and inside. Abby sat down on the floor area, keeping them apart. Abby was older than he thought she was, but she was still pretty to him. He never really cared about looks, and Abby had shown that inside she was beautiful.

“Buck, tell me about your therapy session where you had sex with your therapist,” Abby said.

Buck wasn’t sure why she wanted to know.

“Please trust me.”

Buck nodded his head.

“Well, I had issues that you picked up on, and Bobby gave me the name of the trauma therapist for the LAFD. Well, I guess there is more than one. Anyway, I let her know that I also thought I had a sex addiction.”

“Sex addiction?” Abby asked.

“I do stupid stuff like have sex on the job, taking the ladder truck to do it. When you and Athena needed me, I was actually fired. It was helping on that which gave me a second chance that I have right now. Bobby took pity on me, I think. I was an idiot, and I nearly lost the only good thing in my life.”

“This is the only good thing you have going for you?” Abby asked.

Buck shrugged. He didn’t want to get into all of that right now.

“Okay, that’s something else. So you were seeing this therapist for trauma from losing the man on the roller coaster and for your self-diagnosed sex addiction?”

“Yes. I think the session was going well, and then she came over and sat down and began to touch me. I didn’t think anything of it, and then I realized where I knew her from. She had sent me a friend request on Facebook before that session.”

“And she still kept the session?”

“Yes?” Buck said. He wasn’t sure what was wrong with that.

“Keep on.”

“Not much else to say. We had sex; she said that we shouldn’t have done it. I made a remark that she was supposed to help me feel better, and I felt better, so I think she did her job.”

Buck knew he had said something wrong because as soon as he said that, Abby looked at him like he had said he liked to kick babies. He didn’t know what to feel about that. Going over everything in his head, Buck had no clue what he had said that would have brought about that look. He wasn’t sure if he said anything horrible at all.

“Okay, Buck, I’m going to ask you a question. How many sessions had you had with her?”

“Just the one. I haven’t planned a second one yet. It’s not mandated by Bobby yet, so I don’t have to meet a threshold. I felt better at the end of it, but I do still worry about what else might happen to me later on with a call that is close to what the one with the guy who died was.”

“Buck, did you feel like you had to have sex with her?”

“I wanted to. I wanted to feel better.”

Abby’s face changed again, and this time it was soft like she was pitying him. “Buck, she broke the law.”

“What?”

“You cannot have sex with a patient in California, not while you are still seeing them. I’m not sure that they can even after. There are some areas where there is a time limit. You opened up to her about things, and there was a breach of trust and the law that happened there.

“No.” Buck started to stand up, and he left the back of the ambulance. He wasn’t a victim like that. He wasn’t. He hadn’t…no. He pressed his hand to the outside of the truck and tried to breathe. It felt so wrong; he felt so stupid. He had spent his entire years traveling around making sure that no one took advantage of him, but then here with someone he trusted. He hadn’t even thought about it that way, but it made so much sense now. Before, it had been down to just wanting comfort, and sex was the only way he knew how to get comfort.

“Buck, can I touch you?” Abby asked.

“No, please. Don’t. Not you. I don’t want…no.”

“Okay, who?”

“Bobby.”

Sex made Buck feel better. Being touched and feeling good about it, but right now, his mind was a mess. He wasn’t sure what was going on with him. He understood what Abby was saying even if she wasn’t using the word.

“What happened?” Bobby asked before his hand slid over Buck’s shoulder and held firm.

“I was talking to him about something private that he told me, and I think he is having a panic attack right now. He’s too calm for a standard one, but I think he’s just stuck.”

“Buck, breathe for me. Count to five.”

Buck shook his head as he had no words. He couldn’t get them out.

“Okay. That’s not going to work. Exhale sharply and think about Chim wearing rubber ducky shoes.”

Buck laughed at that, and he felt like his brain could focus on breathing again. He took a deep breath and held it in for five seconds before letting it out again. He repeated this a few times before he fully settled down and pushed off the truck. He looked at Bobby, who was looking at him with a lot of concern on his face.

“I think I need to go talk to you and Abby alone in your office, Cap,” Buck said.

Bobby nodded his head. “Okay. I’ll talk to Chim really quickly and then join you up there. Go ahead. Miss Clark, please follow Buck.”

Buck waved for Abby to go first. He glanced at Hen and Chim, who were sitting at the table reading manuals but were looking at him. He ignored them, looking away as quickly as possible. Abby zeroed in on Bobby’s office and headed over to it with Buck on her heels. He sat down in a chair, looking at his hands and feet.

“Are you with me, Buck?” Abby asked.

“Yeah, I’m here. How did you know?”

“I learned a lot about it after I had a woman call in with a suicide. She just wanted someone to talk to while she killed herself. She had been in a relationship with her therapist, which wasn’t good. He was not a good therapist, but he also used and abused many people. I stayed with her until the end. She died before the paramedics got there. I looked into the stuff then, but for a lot of states, it’s all kind of jumbled, but in California, it’s illegal.”

Bobby came in the door and shut it just as Abby said the word illegal.

“What’s illegal?” Bobby asked. He sat down at the desk and looked at Buck and Abby.

“I didn’t know.” Buck was just lost in trying to wrap his head around this. He hadn’t felt bad about it. Maybe he did have a sex addiction.

“Captain Nash, if you sent a firefighter of yours to therapy for gambling and that therapist took him to a race track to bet on the horses, what would you do?”

“I would make sure they were looked into.”

“Took an alcoholic to a bar?”

“Try my hardest to get their ass fired and make sure they never treat another person again. Where is this going?”

“When you refereed Buck to Doctor Welles for his trauma around the roller coaster incident, you also made sure that the whole self-diagnosed sex addiction was part of it, yes? Since he’s not going because you ordered it, for the department to do it, there still needs to be paperwork, yes?”

“Yes, I made sure that it was noted that he was showing signs of unhealthy coping mechanisms, which all come from trying to wrap his head around the job. Why?”

“And if I said that she had sex with me?” Buck asked. Buck wasn’t going to look up at Bobby. He knew what Bobby thought of him and his want of sex. Bobby wasn’t built like Buck; he thought of sex only in marriage, and Buck was so far off from wanting a girlfriend or boyfriend that he wasn’t sure he could ever get there.

“Buck, are you telling me that she forced you to have sex?”

“No, she didn’t force me, but-” Buck stopped, and he waved at Abby.

“It’s against California law to have sex with a patient. They cannot consent to have sex, no matter what they think at the moment.”

“I see.”

Buck refused to look up. He didn’t want to see the shame in Bobby’s eyes. He knew that things were not good between them with the whole pressing the issues. He hadn’t learned enough as a kid when to stop. It’s why his parents didn’t love him. He heard it all the time. He was hard to love.

“Miss Clark, I think that maybe Buck needs to go home for the rest of his shift. Buck, we can work a man down for the rest of the day. I want you to think about what you want to do. I’ll back you on whatever you do about this. If you want to forget it happened, I’ll see about getting her looked into without your name coming up. I want to hope that she has only done it once, but I cannot trust that. Every single captain in the city sends their people there. I have to trust that they are getting the care that they need.”

“I think I want to press charges,” Buck said.

“Okay. That’s good. I’ll talk to another captain and get a new person for you to work with. I won’t tell you why I am picking this one, but it’s something that I think will help you in the long run. Miss Clark, do you mind driving him to the union office? I think that things working through there might be best. Especially since we know how some feel about men and their ability to be used against their will.”

Buck was glad that Bobby didn’t say the word going through his head. He knew that it wasn’t the best thing in the world to be not able to say the word, but he was happy to not have to say it yet. He needed time.

—

Buck settled down into the seat in the conference room. His union-appointed lawyer was sitting beside him where he had been since before Buck had arrived. The detective who was being assigned his case was late. It wasn’t a shock since Buck knew he was coming from testifying in court on another case.

It hadn’t been hard to walk into the station to give his first statement the day before. It hadn’t been hard to come back again today. He had to be at work tomorrow, and he had already told Bobby he would be there. He was happy for the day to get his head around things, but Buck didn’t brood on things. He figured out what he would do, and he did it. He had talked with Abby, going to her place where her mother was. Buck had been happy about that because he hadn’t wanted to go back to where his roommates were and be alone there. He loved living with people, but things had changed since he started at the fire station. He didn’t feel as connected to them anymore.

“Firefighter Buckley, how are you feeling?” a man asked as he came into the room.

“Detective Ransone?”

“Yes, Lou Ransone, may I call you Buck? It’s what’s in the notes here.”

“Yes. That’s fine.”

“Robert Stone,” Buck’s lawyer said as he held out his hand.

“You are just here to make sure that Buck is protected, but please speak up. You have more information than I do at this moment and what I have is something that turns my stomach. I have spent my time in therapy, making sure I can do this job without turning into someone who doesn’t need to be doing the job. It’s why I was given this case. It’s why I want cases like this. So I want you to walk me through everything. From the moment you were saving the man on the roller coaster to now. I’m going to record it and make some notes, and I’ll try not to stop you unless I think you need to expand on something, and I’m afraid that it won’t be as good to go over it again later.”

Buck nodded his head. He had gone over it once the day before and then spent the evening on Abby’s couch watching old movies with her and her mother. It had been a pretty good evening. He had his work bag with him, and he always had a few changes of street clothes in there, just to be safe.

It felt like the story took forever to get through, even though Ransone never interrupted him. Stone didn’t either. Buck started, and he only paused when he got a drink of his water.

“Okay, so, that’s a lot to unpack. Do you have evidence of the friend request on Facebook and when it was sent to you?”

“Yes. She hadn’t pulled it, and I hadn’t done anything with it, and so it’s still there. I can show you on my phone here. I know you have to document those kinds of things, evidence as it were.”

“Yes, we do. We can work through that later. I have just a few questions. You gave me a lot of information.”

“I had trouble sleeping last night, so I did a Google search on witness statements and how to prepare for them and court stuff. I tend to overdo a lot of things. It’s why I was top in my class at the fire academy for the book stuff that we had to do. I spend time learning a lot of other stuff, working toward other things. Does it mess things up?”

“No, it doesn’t. I’ve dealt with neurodivergent victims before.”

Buck stopped at the wording. He had heard of it, and he knew what it was, but he had never put that wording with him. He just about told Ransone that he wasn’t, but he stopped. He had never been tested for anything as a kid. He had been a big issue in classes, failing some when he couldn’t concentrate. He was good at learning when he wanted it. His college years had sucked, but the fire academy had been a dream for him.

The rest of the questions went pretty easy, with Buck answering the best way that he could.

“I would suggest talking to someone.”

“My Captain, Robert Nash, said he was going to talk to someone about a new therapist, but he wouldn’t tell me who or why. I assume it was someone who dealt with being a victim of a sexual crime. I didn’t ask because I didn’t want him to feel like he needed to tell me.”

“Okay. Good. I’m glad. I know that this kind of thing might put some people off therapy for a long time but given your job and what you have had happened during all of this, I feel like that would not be a good thing.” Ransone looked at Stone. “Is there anything you need from me at the moment on this?”

“No, we are waiting for evidence at the Union before she is pulled. She has her own practice, and we will not funnel new cases to her and just keep with the active ones. We are fairly safe that the ones she has right now are not at risk. I don’t want to jinx myself on that, so I’ll keep you informed as much as I can.”

“I’ll work this as quickly and as quietly as I can. We will ensure that we have what we need to get her license pulled as soon as possible. We will keep you informed of everything.”

“Just keep Stone informed, please. I have already talked to him about the things I want to know. I’m going to work like normal and deal with things like normal. I’m still kind of in shock over this.”

“I’m more than happy to talk to your lawyer. I would hate to wake you up, but if I feel I need to know something, I’ll just get everything figured out from who is on shift and call if I think you are awake and it’s your day off or call you if you are at work.”

Buck agreed to that. Stone was a no-nonsense man, so he was gone as soon as they were done. Buck wandered out of the station and looked around for Athena but didn’t see her at all. He wasn’t even sure if she was working, and he wasn’t sure that he wanted her to be there. Things were strange between them but not too bad that he thought she would be mean if she was there and saw him leaving.

The rest of the day stretched out in front of him, and he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do. He hadn’t done much for himself lately, and now he felt like it was something that he needed to do. He looked left and right and then chose the left. He had taken the bus to get there today as he wasn’t sure how he would feel when he left. He had seen what it was like when people drove when they weren’t there mentally. He didn’t want anyone to have to respond to him.

It was cool but not cold, so Buck thought that ice cream sounded good. He took out his phone and figured out the closest ice cream place in the direction he was going. He ignored the first one and chose the second as the first had really bad reviews over the last two months. He entered the shop and found that it wasn’t that full. There was a line of people waiting, but there wasn’t a lot sitting down. It had a to-go line, and if one sat at the tables, it looked like the server did everything. Buck chose that option, and he settled in with his phone.

The server was a man named Ethan, and he looked like he was just out of high school, probably working the job while going to school.

“Can I get you something to drink?”

“Water, please.”

“Great. Here is the menu, and I’ll be back in a few minutes with the water.”

Buck took the menu from Ethan’s hand, and he looked behind the young man to see where he had come from. A book was laid out on a table with what looked like a massive calculator there. Buck looked at the menu next and found that there were also light food options that looked like pre-made things from a small restaurant nearby. None of it sounded good to him, so he just looked at the ice cream menu. A good banana split was the thing that most made him hungry. He saw the topping options for it and loved that it wasn’t just the standard stuff. He loved all three normal flavors, but sometimes he wanted something different.

“Do you know what you want?”

“Yeah, four scoop banana split with just vanilla ice cream. Black raspberry, strawberry, pineapple, and peach syrups, please. Whipped cream and extra nuts.”

“You got it.”

Buck handed the menu back to Ethan and looked down at his phone and the last article he had open on it. He smiled as he saw Ethan ring in the order and then settle in at the table to mess with the book. The counter with the ice cream making was full of people who were going as fast as they could for the walk-in to-go customers and the drive-thru.

It wasn’t long before Buck got his ice cream, and he settled his phone down on the tabletop to read as he ate. The ice cream itself was good; there were the black vanilla bean flecks in it, and it was actually one of the better ice creams he had gotten from a place like this. He was happy with it and settled in to read while eating.

Ethan checked on him just once, when his water was at about half, and he filled it back up, but mostly he just stayed at that table. It was evident that this was the time of day when most of their stuff was to-go, so the server was used to just doing small errands for the other staff and mostly taking care of people who needed anything that wasn’t directly related to the ice cream. He ran outside a few times to run orders to cars parked in front who had bigger orders that took time.

Buck pulled out some cash to leave as a tip on the table, and he looked at the people who were making it and saw there was a tip jar there as well. He walked over to pay and found that the tip jar was split between everyone on shift, no matter their job. He snagged the money from the table and slipped it as well as more cash into the jar. He paid for his ice cream with a card and was gone.

He felt better about many things, and he thought that if he had to go back to the station to talk to Ransone, he would stop by here to get even just a cone to take with him. Bobby would be more than willing to have him off for long enough to do things. His issues would be easy to handle around his work schedule. There were enough people that missing him for a short time wasn’t an issue, and it wasn’t like he couldn’t get a ride from a cop to a scene if he was needed.

There wasn’t a lot that Buck felt he wanted to do, so he headed to the closest bus stop to get through the town to home.

No one was home when Buck let himself into the house. He was glad of it. He headed up to his bedroom and dropped onto the bed, and thought about what he wanted to do. He didn’t mind living with people. He wasn’t sure he was built to live alone. It had been a huge issue for him when he moved around the country. He would get bored and move on quickly. Most of his time was spent on the ranch, and he had been in a bunkhouse with many other men and women.

Buck pulled his phone from his pocket, and he scrolled through his contacts until he found Kinard’s number. He hadn’t texted the guy much after meeting up with him in the academy when he had been through for testing. Buck had actually been the one to replace him at the 118 when he moved onto the 217.

Buck: That housing thing you were telling me about. Is there an opening?

Buck laid his phone down and looked at the ceiling again. He had no clue what Kinard’s schedule was like, so it could be hours before he heard from him.

A few minutes later, the sounding of the alert sound had Buck jumping. He hadn’t been asleep, but he had been lost in his own little world. He picked up the phone and found that it was Kinard.

Kinard: There are actually two openings, and one of them is for the attic room, the other for the basement room.

Buck: Everything still the same?

Kinard: Yes. Everything is still the same. Rent’s gone up by about a hundred a month. Do you need a new place?

Buck: I do. We do month to month here, and it’s not going to take me long at all to get out of here. Maybe my next full day off. I work tomorrow and can get stuff started today.

Kinard: We can meet at the 118 when you get off your next shift, and I’ll take you over there to make sure that it’s what you want to do, and I’ll get a key for you. Attic or basement?

Buck: Attic.

Kinard: Done. See you in just over a day, Buck.

Buck: See you then.

Buck felt better having a new place with people who at least understood. It was full of first responders, and last Buck knew a nurse.

The housing was better as he would be around people who understood his mindset better than his roommates. He would be able to be himself a little more, and they would be more respectful of his schedule. He knew there was a chore list, and he would get stuck with one that was shitty as the newest guy, but he had done his probie months at the station. He could deal with it. He would be happy with it all, really.

His future set for at least a little while, Buck was happy to take a little nap. He was emotionally done with the day.

Chapter Two

Buck grabbed the last box out of the back of his Jeep, and he bumped the door closed with his hip before turning to look at the huge house. He had never even looked at it when Kinard had offered to let him stay while he was in the academy. He had been more than happy to have done it, but he was happy where he had been. Now things were very, very different. He didn’t want to talk about what was going on in his life with the roommates he was living with. Most of them didn’t understand much at all what he had gone through the first few weeks on the job, and he had just stopped talking about it.

“Hey, Buckley,” Kinard said as he leaned in the doorway. He waggled his eyebrows at Buck.

“You are horrible,” Buck said.

“Yeah, well, I don’t get to see that all the time. I’m shocked Bobby hasn’t got you a partner to work on the heavy rescue with that, isn’t him.”

“He said something about maybe with the next group out, but who knows.”

“My captain would take you in a heartbeat if you ever get tired of the 118,” Kinard said.

Buck nodded his head. He had heard it from a few other people over the last month before his issues came to a head. It was still nice to think that people wanted him.

“So that’s it?”

“I’ve still not really got over living the nomad life, so having two loads in my Jeep actually shocked me.”

“Ah, well, anything I can help you with?”

“No.”

“Okay, well, I’ll let you get settled. Everyone is going to be here for dinner. You are chore-free for this week, but you will go into the rotation next week. We will go over. Everyone is allowed two hell noes on chores, and they are never assigned those. It’s all pretty easy. We have fewer firefighters than the others right now. We have four nurses living here, and if we are all called in for big things, the others will take over doing our chores.”

“Why?” Buck asked. He headed up the stairs with Kinard following him. Everything was in boxes and bags up in his room, but he had everything set out he needed for work the next day. He would be able to do what he needed. He had his own bathroom since he was on a floor above everyone. The second and third floors had bathrooms attached to bedrooms, while the first floor had two communal half baths.

“Cause we aren’t assholes. When that flu put down a lot of cops, we all covered the cops’ chores. It makes it a good place to live. We aren’t all assholes. We can be in single instances.”

“Can someone like take one chore and keep it?” Buck asked. He grabbed a box and started to pull it out.

“We have had people that would rather do one chore every single week. Why?”

“I do better with that kind of thing, honestly. How do dishes work with us?”

“Everyone is supposed to rinse their stuff or set it to soak, and then it’s taken care of at least once a day by whoever is doing it, or as soon as possible if it’s one of us. Big dinners like we have tonight, everyone pitches in a little to help with something, cooking, serving, cleaning. We are all adults, and those who don’t do their part will be booted, which is why we had two openings.”

“I still can’t believe you live like this.”

“Hey, it works. We are all just wanting a place to live where we aren’t alone but aren’t ready or want a relationship.”

“Speaking of relationships. What are the rules on that?”

“Well, we all have our own cabinets, and there is kitty money for the staples that live in the fridge and are used by everyone. Your guests eat your food or toss a little extra in the kitty for milk, butter, bread. Shopping is a chore that someone does once a week; it’s for the stuff we all share, like toilet paper and the like for the bathrooms, detergent for towels. If you are sensitive, we can work around that.”

“Nah.” Buck looked at Kinard, and he nodded toward the stairs. “Why don’t you give me the big rundown, and I’ll put up my stuff unless you have other plans.”

“No, I don’t. Today is all about welcoming you here and dealing with dinner tonight. Your boss is teaching you all the fun things with food, so I hope that at some point you share that. We don’t get fancy here. It’s a lot of easy but healthy things. We are on a sheet pan kick right now. Throw shit on there, cook for an hour or so, and be done.”

“For this many people?” Buck asked.

“Oh, I used a good bit of money to upgrade the kitchen. I think you’ll like it.”

“And wasn’t I shown this?” Buck had been given a little tour, but he had Kinard had talked about so much that he hadn’t even realized it.

“There was something in there, and there still is something in there that you cannot see.”

Buck shook his head. He snagged more stuff from a box and started to work on more of his things. He looked around the room. It was huge, but he also understood why no one wanted to stay there and why it was one room instead of two. He didn’t mind the room. He would have to work to make it home, but he could make it into a home. He could make a life here in this place. It already felt like home where the other had not.

—

Buck rolled the water bottle between his hands as he looked at the name on the card that Bobby had given him when he started the shift. He had promised him that he would call the guy in the next week. Jeffrey Guentzel was a name that he wasn’t likely to forget, and Bobby thought Buck could trust him. Which was where the biggest thing was. Trust.

Trust was a loaded five-letter word.

“Buck?” Hen asked.

Buck looked up at her and smiled. They were only an hour into the shift, and C-Shift had been bored the last few hours of the night before sleep, so there wasn’t much at all for them to do at the moment. Buck had plans to hit the gym in a few minutes, but he first wanted to think about things. Think about seeing his Doctor Jeffrey Guentzel about his issues.

“Just thinking about a few things, Hen, that’s all,” Buck said. He stood up, snagging the card and slipping it into the pocket of his shirt before he headed over to the kitchen to grab a second bottle of water. He drank the first as he walked down to check out who was still in the gym.

The machine he wanted was empty, so he headed over to it and laid his bottle of water there. It was an easy way to claim something in the case of going and getting changed. It took but a few minutes to get changed into his workout clothes and running shoes. He looked at his body in the mirror and was glad that he looked good. There were times growing up when he hated how he looked. He had started to think he was ugly when his mother refused to look at him, sometimes for weeks in a row. It had only gotten worse after Maddie had left to go to college and then Boston with Doug.

Buck found his workout playlist and put his earbuds into his ears. He did his best thinking sometimes when he was working out. He would be able to think about things and make sure that he was settled into his head before he made a choice.

The alarm going off just a few minutes later had Buck jumping to run and change before he flew into the truck almost in front of Bobby.

“Eager are we?” Bobby asked.

“Not really; I was in my workout clothes, and I didn’t want to make us delayed, is all.”

“It’s okay, look.” Bobby pointed at where Chim was still dashing down the stairs with a donut between his teeth and a cup of coffee in his other hand. “You are fine. Breathe.”

Buck nodded, and he relaxed into the seat. He popped his headphones on and waited to hear what they were heading to. Chim was a ball of nervous energy, and Buck wondered what he had planned. He had asked for a shift off the next week, and Buck wondered if he had something planned with Tatiana.

There was always something at the back of his mind about Chim and his relationship with Tatiana, but he had never been able to put his finger on it. He wondered if that was something that he could figure out with Doctor Guentzel. It felt wrong to talk about other people in therapy, but he also knew that his life wasn’t lived in a vacuum, and sometimes it was needed.

The call didn’t take long at all, just a simple car-on-car accident that had barely hurt victims who were sent to the hospital just to be checked out. Buck was back in the truck and headed back to the station before he really had time to breathe, it felt like.

“Bobby, I’m going to make a phone call,” Buck said as soon as the gear was fixed up and everything was ready for the next call.

“You can use my office,” Bobby said.

“Thanks.”

Buck stopped by the locker and grabbed the card and his cell phone before heading up to Bobby’s office. He sat down in the chair in the corner and looked at the card. He didn’t even need it to make the call. He knew it from staring at it all day long. Still, he looked at it as he dialed the number.

“Doctor Guentzel’s office, how may I help you?” a male voice asked.

“Um, hello, my name is Evan Buckley, and I wanted to see about setting up an appointment. My captain gave me a card, and I need to talk to someone about a lot of stuff.”

“Captain? Fire or police?” the man asked.

“Fire. I work out of the 118.”

“Captain Nash is a good man. I think I’ve seen you on the news. You go by Buck, do you not?”

“Yes, Sir. There were other Evans in my class, so I went by Buck there, and I just really got attached.” There was a hum on the other end, and Buck froze. “You are Doctor Guentzel, aren’t you?”

“Yes, my assistant is out getting us coffee, so I told her I would answer the phone since my next appointment was canceled due to work. Well, Buck, when can you come in? What days?”

“I am at work today, but tomorrow I am off, and it starts my long rotation off, so either of the two days after that as well.”

“I have an open appointment at nine tomorrow. I’m not far from the 118 station house. If you are a little late that’s fine as my ten is always late due to traffic and I don’t mind waiting. Over three-fourths of my clients are either in the medical or first responder fields. I have a lot of leeway in my schedule and will do out of normal hours visits as well.”

“Sure, that sounds good. My captain will let me off to get there in time no matter what. I had a horrible time on my last visit with a therapist, and I don’t want to get into that over the phone.”

“That’s fine. I’ll make sure the paperwork is ready for you to fill out afterward if you don’t get here in time to do it before.”

“Thanks. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“You will, Firefighter Buckley.”

Buck hung up, and he wasn’t sure what he felt about that.

A knock on the door had Buck looking up and walking over to open the door. It was Bobby standing there looking hopeful.

“I made an appointment with him. I’ll head over to get there by nine tomorrow morning.”

“If we are on a call, I’ll leave you as the man behind that just so that you can get to it on time.”

“Thanks, Cap.”

—

Buck looked around the office that Doctor Guentzel met his patients in. He had been shown there by the assistant before being left there. Buck hadn’t been too worked up by being left in there. The office seemed calming, which was something that Buck needed. He stood by the window and debated sitting on the little bench built into it. It seemed like a good place to be. He could look out and not have to look at Doctor Guentzel. he wondered if he would be able to do that.

The door opened, and Buck tensed. He looked back to the man who came in. He was younger than Buck thought he would be. He looked not that much older than Buck.

“Firefighter Buckley?” Doctor Guentzel asked.

“Yes. Sorry I don’t want to touch.”

“That’s perfectly fine. Stacy said that you filled out the paperwork, and she did look at it, she is working on her Ph.D., and I employ her as my assistant as well as another set of eyes.”

“Yes, she explained. It’s fine. So you haven’t read the reasons I am here.”

“No, I have not. She said I needed to do it here where you saw my reaction. Honestly, that tells me that your issue with your other therapist is not a good one. So why don’t we open with who I am, and then I will read over this.” Guentzel held up a folder. “And you can watch my reactions to it.”

“Sure.” Buck sat down in the window seat. If he wasn’t allowed there, he would be told so.

Guentzel just looked at him before selecting the seat that it was evident he spent a lot of time in. He picked up the cup of tea sitting on a thing that kept it warm. “Stacy did offer you drinks, right?”

“Yes, I told her water would be fine, and she showed me the fridge with it.”

“You already know my name but not much else. I was born in Pittsburgh, and my father moved out here for work, and we settled as a family here. When I was in high school, I learned that I wasn’t wired the same as those around me, and I started to study psychology then. I figured out that I was asexual and then dove into other kinds of psychology and settled on sexual therapy as well as trauma.”

“So you don’t like sex at all, or you are willing to do it with others if there is the connection?”

“I’m one of the ones that don’t like sex at all. Which I think is why many like me. I do have patients that are outside of jobs with high stress, but usually, they are recommended to me by cops or nurses.”

Buck nodded his head. He understood what wasn’t being said. He worked with rape victims. While Buck knew that rape was about power, it was easier to be around someone who didn’t like sex at all. Hell, it made him feel a lot better. “You didn’t go over your credentials.”

“You don’t strike me as someone who cares about that. So is there anything else you want to know?”

Buck shook his head.

“Okay, then I’m going to open this up and read.”

Buck looked out to the yard before he looked back and nodded. He wanted to look away, but he wanted to know what the man’s reaction to his notes was. He watched the man’s face as close as he could. He knew the moment that Guentzel got to the part about Doctor Welles.

“Something is being done about this, right?”

“Yes, Sir. I am working with the Union as well as the LAPD.”

“Good. Good. So I get why there is no touching. I usually only shake hands with my patients at the first meeting and never after that. So you don’t have to worry about that. I also don’t keep to normal practices about having to sit. You can pace, talk to a window, do whatever you want. Your notes say that a woman named Abby had to explain that what your prior therapist was doing was not legal.”

“Yeah, I understood that it wasn’t something good by her reaction, but I just slotted it into the headspace of it made me feel better. She was supposed to do that and didn’t think more of it, but I also now understand that I had been crying just before that, and I was emotional.”

“So, this sex addiction, you state that you think it’s something you have. Can you explain that to me?”

“I don’t think about it. I just do it. It makes me feel better. I love having sex, and I love wanting it, but I was doing it while working. Which isn’t the normal thing at all. I know that.”

“Have you ever had sex while you were working on another job?”

“Just once. Well, not once, but it was during one job. I was a ranch hand on a ranch in Billings, Montana. We had a bunkhouse, and everyone was pretty free. I knew that the ranch wasn’t normal as it seemed to attract those who were not straight. I had been bi-curious but also knew that my nomad lifestyle wasn’t the best for trying to stay long enough to know when to approach someone or not. Then I walked in on two guys when I needed to change my shirt. They weren’t freaked out. Just told me to shut the door when I was done.”

“So you watched?”

“No. I got changed and ran out. I was still blushing, and one of the owners’ daughters found me and explained that the whole farm was full of people who didn’t follow what uptight assholes in power liked. I didn’t understand it, but then I realized that all of the times that people had been inviting me back to the bunkhouse for talking, they were not meaning talking. It had frustrated a lot of them, and they thought I was asexual or just really oblivious.”

“And I assume it’s the latter?”

“Yeah. I hadn’t ever really thought I was good-looking before. My mother used to look at me like I was the worst thing she saw. The ranch helped me learn that I was hot. Which I don’t think helped at all with how I am now. I went from a place where I could have as much sex as I wanted or had energy. After that was Oregon, but I didn’t stay long and then down to Peru where I worked at a bar and again as much sex as I wanted.”

“Were you always safe?”

“Yes. It’s never been dangerous sex, at least dangerous in that fashion. If there was a chance of something, I got tested, but it was never HIV.”

“Then you were here and in the fire academy.”

“Well, no. I was here working on getting fit for a long time. I left Peru with the goal of becoming a firefighter. It took a year.” Buck looked over at Guentzel, and he frowned as he saw the man doing nothing but looking at him. He knew the session was recorded on audio, but he assumed notes on paper about his manner and affect, things the doctor wouldn’t remember when he was making the audio-based notes.

“I don’t take big notes in the first session. You not looking at me could be caused by any number of factors. I don’t know you well enough to know what you are like. This is me learning about you. I work with those who have had trauma done to them, or I work with those who don’t have the same kind of tells that normal people do.”

“Oh.” Buck had never thought of it like that.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m learning enough to know that you and I will get to know each other very well over many, many sessions. Right now, I’m making sure you are taken care of. I’ll max out what you are allowed to use in a year to get you through all of this, Buck. Most of the country might not like therapy but I try and change that. If you leave this happy about therapy, I’ll consider my job a job well done.”

“Not that I’m not crazy?”

“Well, you are the only one who can decide if you are getting what you need out of therapy. Even if we don’t mesh and refer you to someone else, as long as you liked and didn’t hate this, I’m good.”

“My parents hated therapy. I had a teacher who tried to get them to settle me into therapy, and in the end, I was pulled from her class. She talked to me weekly and let me vent on her even though I wasn’t in her class anymore. I was too young to understand anything about what was really going on.”

“So you don’t have a good relationship with your parents?”

“I’ve not talked to them in years. I got kicked out of college for the second time, and I went to my sister, and then things blew up with my parents. She gave me the keys to her Jeep and some money, and I left. She was supposed to go with me, but she backed out.” Buck waited for it. He had seen enough therapy covered in the media.

“No contact at all with your parents?”

“No, not since then. I sent Maddie postcards at work because I thought her husband would have thrown them out. He didn’t like me at all.”

“Did your sister keep in contact with you?”

“Until about two years ago. She would send me a note back, usually talking about work and her friends there. I still send her stuff. I sent her a postcard when I got on at the 118.”

“You sound like you have packed a lot of life into the years you have been away. Montana, Oregon, Peru, and then here.”

“Oh, that’s not even all of them. I bounced up and down the East Coast for a while. Then I headed to this side of the country.”

A timer went off, and Buck frowned.

“That’s just the halftime. I suggest you get a drink. If you want tea or coffee, now is a good time for it.”

“No, I’m fine with water. I’m picky about my tea, and I usually only drink coffee when I’m eating something.”

“Okay, well, if you tell me other things you like, I will stock them if you want.”

“Why?”

“You are doing a lot of work, and having a drink or a snack you like on hand is just a little thing that I can do.”

“Work?”

“You are working on yourself. I just help you see what you cannot see yourself but being honest with me is the biggest work you can do. I’m doing my own work, but this kind of thing is where I get the most satisfaction in life. I like helping people, and I had the money and the drive to take this kind of job.”

Buck nodded. He knew that Guentzel was telling him more about himself than he probably was used to, but he also understood the man was used to building trust.

“Will I have homework?” Buck asked.

“You will. It’s gonna be simple homework. I want you to go and buy something to use as a journal. Or set up a word document. I am not sure if you like to do things by hand. It’s going to have various homework things in there over time, or you can buy several over time if you need a bigger one for something else.”

“I don’t mind doing a physical version. What will I do with it?”

“Well, from today until next week, I want you to write down anything and everything you want to discuss with me and a list of things you want to overcome or get a handle on. That list will change as you go; we will mark things off and add things. Stacy said she would get you the number to my off-hours line to make sure you can reach me. I mean that too. Even if you have a call at three in the morning and need to talk, do. I tell all of my patients to treat me like you would pills. Most people take them on a schedule, but sometimes you need to add a few more here and there. You need to supplement what you are already taking with something else at strange hours. I’m here for you, no matter what all the time.”

“Do you never get a break?”

“Honestly, there are few times when most of my clients need me outside of working hours. I do get middle-of-the-night calls, but they need me less once we hit a certain point in the process. So, to understand you, I need to understand what you do. Tell me about your job and those who work it with you.”

Buck had no idea how this would help, but he didn’t mind it at all. He didn’t mind talking about anything but him.

—

Buck frowned at his journal, and he sighed. He had homework, something that Guentzel had given him just as he was leaving.

“What did that book do to you?” Kinard asked as he entered the kitchen. He walked over and grabbed an apple from the bowl in the middle.

“It didn’t do anything to me. I-” Buck stopped himself, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to share that with Kinard.

“I know that look. Therapy?” Kinard asked. He dropped down into the seat on the other side from where Buck was sitting.

“Yeah.” Buck hoped that he wasn’t made fun of for it.

“I saw you on the news. We could all tell at the station that you were not the one to be there for that interview, but it was what was wanted. We’ve all done that, and you being hot doesn’t hurt.”

Buck snorted, and he shook his head. He looked at his journal, but since Kinard said nothing else had Buck looking up at him.

“What?” Kinard asked when Buck just stared at him.

“You think I’m hot?” Buck asked.

“Dude, do you not? I assumed that someone there would have told you.”

“There where and tell me what?”

“At the 118. When Bobby looked through files from the academy to replace me, we all looked through them. He sent in his choices of who he was saying no to, mostly for what he needed on the shift. Yours was in there. I told Hen that I would love to spend even ten minutes in the bunk alone with you.”

Buck dropped his pen and closed his journal up to look at Kinard. “I knew that I was assigned based on something else, but I didn’t know that I wasn’t excluded.”

Kinard shrugged, and he bit into the apple; a little juice slipped out of the side of his mouth. He used a finger to wipe it up before licking it off. “Did you want someone to talk to about therapy?”

“I spent an hour talking, and you think I want to talk more.”

“Well, not everyone really gets into it, especially with someone they don’t think can really understand.”

“I like Guentzel,” Buck said.

“Shit, he’s like hardcore. Are you okay?”

“Working on it.”

“Okay. Well, I mean it. I’m here if you want to talk. I’m here if you want to not talk. Even if it’s just sharing space like this. We all have those times we just want to be around people but not people. Especially since everyone here gets overloaded at some point in time. So just don’t forget.”

“I won’t.”

Kinard rapped his knuckles on the countertop before turning on the stool and headed back out the way he had come in. Buck watched him leave as he thought about another small bit of homework that he had decided on doing even though it was something that Guentzel hadn’t given him. He had a list of traits that he wanted to find in someone. He was looking for something permanent or at least attempting to be. He wanted a family, even if that thought was still down the road. He wanted to have people who loved him all around him. Talking to Abby had made him want that even more, but he also knew that with his issues at the moment, he didn’t need to start something with someone.

Buck looked at his phone and decided it was time to take it off silent. He scrolled through his messages as he grabbed his journal to take up to his room. He hoped that no one here would actually look at his stuff without asking, but he also knew that humans were curious. He had got to know most of the roommates that he had. The welcoming him home dinner had been great. Though he had gotten attached mainly to Kinard, he was sure it was because of familiarity.

“Hey, I need a partner to kick ass online,” Ming said as she stepped in front of Buck.

“Sure. Let me get my stuff put up, and then I’ll join you. What are we playing?”

“Destiny 2.”

“Cool. Just give me a few minutes.” Buck raced to the stairs, and since no one was asleep at the moment, he didn’t care about being a little louder than he normally would be. He put his journal up in his room and changed out of the clothes he had come home in. He hadn’t thought too much of changing out of them until now. He found his pair of butter-soft jeans and put them on along with a long-sleeved shirt that was a little tight across the chest, but he loved it. The sleeves were super long despite the shirt being tight elsewhere, so he could slip them down to help him with sweaty hands from holding the controller.

Ming was already down in the living room with the game system set up and Buck’s profile waiting to be logged in for the second system. He dropped onto the couch and saw there was a glass of water in one of the glasses that Kinard liked to use. He looked at Ming.

“Tommy doesn’t like to play, but he likes to watch other people play, so he’s going to do that. I have no clue what he is doing. So log onto your account, and let’s get this going.”

Buck picked up the controller, and he did as he was told. He got Destiny up and going and picked his Hunter. Ming groaned. Buck just smiled. He had spent the most time on his Hunter over the last while playing. He also just really liked playing with it in the multiplayer parts.

“Let’s go get some grinding done,” Ming said.

“WAIT FOR ME!” Kinard yelled.

Buck heard a noise in the kitchen, and then a minute later, Kinard was coming out with a tray with snacks and a few bottles of water. He tossed one into Buck’s lap before dropping to sit down beside him on the couch. He was closer than he should be, and Buck would have moved, except he realized that Kinard had to have done it on purpose with how much space there was between him and the arm of the couch. Buck thought about it for a few seconds, but then he decided he was okay with it and even liked it.

Kinard relaxed after a few more seconds, and then he grabbed some of the snack mix in the bowl that was now on the coffee table.

This was the kind of life that Buck could get used to.

Chapter Three

Buck loved his job. He loved helping people, and he loved the thrill that he got to do dangerous things while doing the job. He knew that he was an adrenaline junkie. Buck had worked out a lot of that kind of thing with Doctor Guentzel. He understood his want of sex while on the job when he had never really done that kind of thing, ranch notwithstanding. He had wanted to get caught, just not by someone he worked with. Bobby was right to fire him; he was engaging in things that would tarnish the LAFDs reputation if someone else broke a story on it. He wasn’t sure what he would have done with something like that. He wasn’t shocked at all that things were a little strange around the station either. Something was going on with him.

“Hey, did you hear me?” Bobby asked.

Buck looked at where Bobby was still sauteing peppers, onions, and mushrooms.

“Sorry, Bobby, my head is not in this today,” Buck said.

“Okay, that’s fine. We can just talk.”

Buck nodded his head. He watched Bobby as he moved the food around in the pan. Bobby was damned good at this, and Buck loved learning from him, but today was not that day.

Bobby looked around the loft area before he focused on Buck again. “How is therapy going?”

“Therapy is therapy. The doctor I see is good. He doesn’t let me hide a damned thing. I get homework nearly every single week, and this week is kicking my ass.”

“Something I can help with?”

Buck shrugged. He looked over at where Hen had come up the stairs. She realized that Buck was looking at her and frowned before heading toward them. She dropped down onto the seat right beside Buck and looked at him.

“So, I realized something that now kind of looks wrong,” Buck said.

“What?” Hen asked.

“I’ve only ever talked about or been seen with women. I kind of forgot that you don’t really come out just once in your life. You come out over and over again as situations change. Everyone back in Montana knew; those in Peru knew just for the sake of me hitting on a few guys. I’ve never talked about going on dates with guys here, mainly because I haven’t gone on any since I had started here. No one has caught my eye.”

“So what you are saying is that if the snake girl had been a snake guy, you still would have been on the roof with him?” Bobby asked.

“Probably. I can’t say for certain. I mean, it was obvious that she liked guys but can’t say that if she had been a he, he would have liked guys.”

“It was theoretical, Buck,” Hen said. She knocked her shoulder into Buck’s.

“So that was you coming out to us?” Bobby asked.

“I guess? I mean, yes, I like pretty much everyone in the world that doesn’t like to put me off their attitude or views on things. I just kind of forgot that coming out to the people around me before the academy wasn’t going to translate into me being out at work.”

“Well, thank you for telling us, Buck. I kind of like that you forgot that kind of thing. You are just you without a filter, which sometimes that filter is nice, but you are you, and I like you for you,” Hen said.

“I think I understood that.” Buck laughed when Bobby did.

“If anyone gives you any issues, Buck, you come to me. I will not even hesitate to stick their ass in training again. Even if it’s from other shifts or another house. I will not allow you to be disrespected for your sexuality, just like I won’t allow it for Hen.”

“I will, Bobby. I promise. So what exactly are you making?” Buck asked. He looked at the skillet to see that Bobby had added in liquids to make a sauce of some kind while Buck had been talking.

“It’s a surprise. I’m not telling anyone. I want to see what everyone thinks of it first.”

“Well, Chim’s not here.”

“No, he’s not, but he’ll get to try it again. Unless no one likes it.”

“Well, I don’t think that it’s possible; it smells great.” Hen bumped her shoulder into Buck’s again before she wrapped her arm around Buck’s shoulder and pulled her along with him. She let Buck grab the journal he was working on before they were too far away.

Hen tugged Buck all the way over to the couches and settled him down beside her. “So we all know about what you like in a woman.”

“No, you really don’t,” Buck said.

“What do you mean?” Hen asked.

“You know what I like in women that I don’t want a relationship with. When I’m just looking for sex. You don’t really know what I want when I’m looking for a relationship. I don’t even know what I want in a relationship.” Buck dropped the journal down to the coffee table in front of the couch, and he leaned back onto the couch.

“You seem frustrated.”

“It’s homework from Doctor Guentzel. I need to work on lists of what I am looking for. The non-negotiable things and things that I can learn to live with as long as they aren’t toxic. I guess I have never thought about what I want in someone I want to be with. Before, it was just someone I loved. I thought that love would make it all work, but I’ve seen you and Karen, and I’ve seen others.”

“Are your parents still married?” Hen asked.

“I think so?” Buck really wasn’t sure. He hadn’t talked to them since he had left home. He figured that Maddie would have said something, but it had been over two years since he talked to her about anything, but he assumed that she would have told him if it had happened before then.

“You think so?”

“I’ve not talked to them in a long time, and I’ve not heard anything from Maddie in over two years. Maybe I should check if they have a Facebook account yet.”

Hen was giving Buck a strange look, but Buck wasn’t sure what it was about.

“Why don’t we head down and get our daily tasks out of the way, and then we can play games all afternoon if the calls hold out, or evening if we get called out too much.”

“Sure.” Buck allowed Hen to drag him down to get stuff done. Bobby would call them all to lunch when it was ready if they didn’t get a call.

—

Buck rolled his shoulders and tried to calm down as they headed back to the crash site. He was glad that Chim’s car wasn’t there anymore. He didn’t need that reminder. Buck had been lucky, and no one on their shift had been injured before on the job, nothing major. Smoke inhalation was an issue, but it wasn’t as bad as other things could be. Chim hadn’t been injured on the job, but it happened to Buck while he was on the job.

“Buck, is your mind on the job?” Bobby asked.

“Yes, Cap. I’ll be good as soon as we get to the accident again.”

“Good. I will pull you if you aren’t in the game.”

Buck understood. He hated it, but he understood. Bobby had to make the best decisions for the rest of the team and the people they would help. Unlike when Buck had tried out for the SEALS, he was able to shut off his emotions for this job. It was a vastly different set of circumstances. He didn’t mind becoming a robot of sorts for this. He understood the need to be detached. He had achieved that some when they got Chim out of there. Focusing on everything but the fact that this was Chim.

The crash site was still horrible, they were there as a backup now, and Buck was all for that. He was all for doing what was needed to keep his mind off Chim.

Bobby went up to the incident commander when they arrived on the scene again. Figuring out what he needed from them. Bobby came over to them a few minutes later and gave them their tasks. Buck’s job was to check every single car that didn’t have a tag already on it.

“Hey you, Buckley!” a voice called out as Buck headed to where the cars with no tags were. He turned to see a guy who looked fine, but he was sitting on the side of the road. Buck looked around before heading to the man.

“What can I do for you, Sir?” Buck asked. He crouched down in front of the man. “Are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah, I’m feeling okay. I was told to wait here to talk to the cops, but I really gotta get out of here. My truck is damaged, and I need to call my boss and wife. She’s expecting me home. My phone was damaged in the wreck.”

“Well, I’ll see if we can figure out when a cop is coming to talk to you.”

“Thank you.”

Buck checked with dispatch about the cops coming to take statements on the cause of the wrecks and everything.

“My boss is going to kill me, even if it’s not my fault. That fucker in the damned car I hit was driving like a madman, and I was so focused on him and not being near him that I didn’t see it.”

Buck turned to look at the man who was still muttering to himself. He looked around at where he was. He saw that they were close to where Chimney had been hit. He wanted to be pissed at the man who hit Chim but given the issues all around with the wrecks, he couldn’t. Not until he knew everything, and if this was the man who hit Chim, it sounded like Chim might have caused his own accident.

It was chaos as they got the people cleared, the cars out of the area, making sure that none of them would spark and start a fire since there were all kinds of fluids everywhere. Once the more damaged vehicles were off the road and there was no chance of something happening that needed them, they all headed out.

“Did we hear what caused it?” Buck asked.

“There was something in the road, and it just kind of dominoed,” Bobby answered.

Buck didn’t ask anything else. He wondered if there would be something in the newspaper about it in the morning or the morning news. He would have to see. He didn’t want to get Chim in trouble, but Bobby needed to know if he was the cause of a massive accident.

With his journal in his hand back in the station, Buck started to sketch out what he remembered of the accident. Some accidents started at point A and moved backward to the end, a pile-up. Others started at point A and went forward. There could have been a thing that made Chim wreck. The man had said something about the person he hit driving crazy. Chim had been so pissed off when he left. Mad at Bobby, mad at all of them for daring to be upset about how he was living his life when he was the one dragging them into it all. He was using Bobby’s cooking to lie to her.

Buck tapped his phone, and he sighed. He pulled it over and texted that he might need an emergency session the next day to Doctor Guentzel. He needed to think about it and see. Guentzel would see it in the morning, and he would respond in some way if Buck could be slipped in. Texting to the work number was the step between calling in the night and calling in the morning. He didn’t want to do either, really, but he was conflicted. He felt like shit for thinking the worst about Chim while Chim was in the hospital with a bar through his head.

There had a few moments where Buck almost texted to tell the doctor that he was fine. He didn’t need it. Then he would drop his phone. There was nothing to do about it, though, because Buck was conflicted, and he had learned that he needed to talk out things when he was conflicted.

“Buck, he’s going to be okay,” Hen said.

Buck nodded his head. He looked at his bed and decided he couldn’t sleep, so he headed out to the loft and settled into the kitchen to make some hot chocolate. He had picked up a recipe in Peru that he loved. Bobby always had the spices on hand, and Buck would make it when he couldn’t sleep or nights like tonight where he wasn’t going to get any, and he mixed in some coffee as well.

When he was finished making his hot cocoa, Buck slipped down to the side door, and he opened it up, propping it open so that he could hear anyone who came up behind him but still be outside for the most part. He relaxed and took a sip of his hot cocoa. It wasn’t cold; it was nothing like Hershey got in the winter months. He kind of missed the Montana winter, though. He had loved being there in the winter. The snow all over and the large tracts of land that had nothing but snow and animals on it. The trees that creaked and the ones that cracked from the weight of the snow from years of being beaten down.

Buck jumped, nearly slipping his cocoa all over himself when his phone rang. He looked to see that it was Doctor Guentzel.

“Um, hey doc, what’s up?”

Guentzel laughed at that, not stopping for a good half a minute.

“Did I say something?”

“Did you not watch cartoons as a child?” Guentzel asked.

“No, not really. I didn’t get a TV in my room until after Maddie left, and I still didn’t watch much on it. Mostly I played a few video games here and there. Why?”

“So you have never seen Bugs Bunny?”

“I’ve heard of him. Drag dressing bunny in the Looney Tunes, right?”

“Yes, well, you can look him up later. Now, normally I don’t see texts until morning. I’ve been having a little issue staying asleep due to allergies acting up. So, what did you need?”

“Something happened at work today, and I am not sure how I feel about it. It’s not an emergency, though.”

“No, but I’m awake and can’t get to sleep. Where are you right now?”

“Sitting in the doorway at work with a cup of cocoa.”

“Okay. Well, how about this. I’ll be there in twenty minutes, and you make me a cup as well. I’ll sit outside; you can sit like you are right now, and we can talk. Then I’ll head into the office afterward. It’s where I was headed anyway; I’ll just do a visit with you first.”

“Sure. Everyone else is asleep. That will work.”

“Good. Good. Now, how do you make your cocoa?”

Buck laughed.

Guentzel arrived at the station twenty minutes later, and Buck had finished off his cup of cocoa and then made another two for the both of them. Added in less of the spice to the one for the doctor. He had set out the chair for Guentzel and set his cup down on it as the man pulled into the station. Buck moved his chair more outside but still propped the door open.

Buck was smiling as the doctor walked toward him and eyed the cup. “If it’s too much, I’ll drink it, and we can head up to the kitchen, and I’ll make you one without any at all.”

Guentzel nodded his head, and he looked at Buck. “So. Tell me.”

“You need to keep an eye behind me. Anyone comes close, stop me.”

“I will.”

Buck started on the little bits of stuff he had learned while working the accident. How Chim had been driving but how he knew very little of it from fact.

“So, is that kicking a man while he’s down?” Buck asked.

“Ah, now I see your issue. You are worried that inquiring about the accident in a more intense manner might come back on your co-worker and seem like you are trying to kick him while he’s down. Buck, you are worried about what it means for the LAFD. You have been made aware of what one needs to be like to work for the LAFD, on and off shift. You know why and you fully understand it after, as you called it, your hair-brained actions. You know what you have to do, you want someone to tell you it’s not spite and it’s not. You need to do what you feel is best for you and for the LAFD. Now, why don’t we focus on the real reason you can’t sleep. Have you ever seen someone you love hurt?”

Buck shook his head. He looked down at the mug of cocoa. “No. Maddie was never big on doing anything risky. When I was nine, my mom was in a fender bender once with me in the back seat. We were both checked out on the scene, and dad came to pick us up. We never went to the hospital for it. Dad was never hurt, like ever.”

“No one you went to school with was ever hurt?”

“No. I didn’t have a lot of friends. Just one. Jimmy. He’s still there in Hershey. He’s the one that I have checking in on Maddie. He’s the only person who didn’t think that my family was weird.”

“How was it weird?”

“Mom and her not caring. Dad and his way he was with her. It creeped out people. Maddie and I never had a lot of friends. Maddie never had a boyfriend until she met Doug in college. He was pre-med at the time. I tried making friends in college, and things were just weird there. They didn’t like me. So I focused on schoolwork, but I had a lot of issues. Even more than in high school. Except for a few classes, but they were not enough to not get me kicked out of two colleges for grades.”

“So your research spirals,” Guentzel started.

Buck was glad that they were off the topic of how he felt about Chim being hurt, but he knew they would get back to it. It wasn’t hard to learn the ebb and flow of how Guentzel worked.

“How often do you go on them? Have you lost time while doing it?”

Buck tapped his finger off the side of his mug and thought about how he wanted to answer that. He had learned in the fire academy that he was wired much differently than other people. He just assumed it was from his childhood, but Guentzel asking that made him think that maybe it was something else.

“I can go on them several times a day, and since getting a computer in high school and then in college, I can go on them all day long. I have lost time. It’s part of my issue in college. I would look up a sourcebook or something like that, and it’s five hours later. Why?”

“Well, let me tell you that you have done very, very well for having what I think is ADHD that has gone undetected since childhood.”

Buck nodded his head. He had heard of that; learning about various things while getting his EMT certification had meant he had done a lot of tangential research. That one hadn’t been a big red flag for anything other than making sure that people weren’t taking the medication for it without having it. He had learned the stats of selling ADHD medication in college for money since it helped the mind focus. He had never really applied that to himself. He instead just kept on going with life and learned how to adapt to who he was.

“Not really anything that it would do at this age to be diagnosed with it.”

“No, you seem to have a grasp on it, but you can learn a good bit about yourself. When you were in the fire academy and studying everything, you said you did better at it all. Why?”

“I don’t know. The information intrigued me.” Buck wasn’t one to look into why he had done better. He just had. He wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. “I was doing better than I had, and things were good.”

“You liked the ranch as well. You said it was one of your favorite jobs. Why?”

“It wasn’t the same thing over and-” Buck stopped. He saw where Guentzel was going with that.

“Now, you don’t think that it will do much to get it, but I think that it will. You are pretty happy here in the LAFD. However, you have various things you will have to do over the years to advance, and there are ways to work with those who have ADHD to make sure that they are given what they need to succeed. I also think that you started to self-medicate at the ranch without knowing it.”

“How?” Buck asked.

“Coffee. Research caffeine and use it as a way to help ADHD. Ranches are cold, and you are outside a lot. I bet you drank more coffee than anything else, and you kept on doing it after. You drink a fair bit here as well from what I have seen.”

Buck was shocked at that. He thought about when he really started to drink coffee, and it was in Montana. He drank a lot of it; it was warm and sweet, made for him, and sent along with him every morning when he was headed out. “I’ll do that when I get a chance.”

“Good. Now, how do you feel?”

Buck groaned, and he gave in.

—

Buck settled into Bobby’s office like he had been told to do. Bobby was talking to the captain of the next shift, discussing things that they needed to do before the hand-off. This wasn’t even Bobby’s office really anymore. It was the office of the next guy, but they all had locked drawers to make sure that things that should stay between a firefighter and the captain of his shift did. Buck’s leg didn’t stop bouncing. He had learned a lot about ADHD, and he knew that he needed to see about getting a diagnosis. There was nothing in the LAFD bylaws that would stop him from working. There were a few things to do with how his tests were scheduled when he was doing them, allowing him to have a slightly longer break to ensure that his attention was focused on what he was doing. There were even allowances for him to have music going during the test as long as it was out loud and not headphones to ensure there was no cheating.

“Buck?” Bobby asked as he came into the office and shut the door. “Is everything okay?”

“Kind of? Have you read my report about the accident yet?”

“No, I didn’t. Why?” Bobby looked through the files on his desk, and he grabbed the write-up for the one where they had got Chim to the hospital.

“One of the drivers that I talked to made a few statements that I wrote down in my report. About how the car that he hit was the biggest cause of the accident, beyond the debris in the road.”

“Were you able to figure out what driver that was? Did you report this to the officers on duty?”

“No, because of a moral dilemma.”

“Moral?”

“Bobby, it was Chim.”

Bobby stopped flipping through the paper and looked at Buck. “It was Chim?”

“He was driving crazy.”

“He was very upset when he left.” Bobby rubbed at his face, and then he looked at the files again. He started to read, and Buck just stayed where he was. “This was why you had your therapist here.”

“Well, no. I texted him to get an appointment for this morning, but he was awake and just came by on his way to the office. He said since he couldn’t sleep, it was best.”

“It’s never easy to bring this kind of thing up when it’s someone you work with. You are just stating the facts here, and it’s up to me beyond that. Thank you. I’ll follow up on this, Buck, and make sure that the true cause of the accident is found. Go and relax, find something fun to do.”

“I had another thing. I think I need to be tested for ADHD.”

“I wondered if something like that was going to come out of your therapy. I’ll see who the department thinks is best for that kind of thing within our insurance, especially in dealing with adults who are late finds on it. Why didn’t your parents ever get you tested?”

“They didn’t care.”

Bobby looked stricken at that, but Buck was just kind of used to things like this. He knew that his parents didn’t care. Maddie did, but her jumping to ADHD wasn’t expected.

“Okay, well, that’s something that I don’t want to touch, and I doubt you want me to touch. So, go home. Get a nap in, and then do something that you want to do today. Don’t think about work until you are walking in the door tomorrow morning.”

“You got it, Cap.”

Buck had already gotten all of his stuff ready. He needed to just get away from work, and Bobby was right. He should be there for Chim, but he needed to not be there for Chim for his own mind. He could come and do that later. Be there later for him.

“Have a good day, Buck,” Bobby called out as Buck slipped out of the office.

Buck didn’t want to be in Bobby’s shoes at the moment.

The drive home was full of Buck thinking about what he wanted to do for the day. He wasn’t sure at all. He pulled into his spot in the driveway and laughed when Kinard pulled in right behind him. The house’s front yard had been pretty much removed to make enough room for the cars. There were always going to be six cars boxed in. Typically they all blocked each other based on who was working and when. Buck and Kinard were now on the same schedule after moving shifts at his station due to needing coverage on another shift.

“How is Chim?” Kinard asked as he walked around and opened up Buck’s door.

“Hen’s headed there now, and she’ll see.”

“I’m shocked you aren’t there.”

“Moral dilemma and I need to have my head on straight before I see him.”

“So the rumor my captain heard is right. He was driving eighty and pissed off, swerving all over the road.”

Buck didn’t say anything, but he figured that Kinard would take his silence as confirmation. Buck knew that it would spread around. The rumors would hit a high point long before the truth came out, but in this case, he was pretty sure that the rumors were at least mostly the truth. He didn’t even want to think about what was going to happen.

“You look lost.”

“I feel lost. It was a night of hell, and it wasn’t good for my sleeping. I am not sure I can get to sleep, though. Didn’t sleep at all last night but still feel wired as hell.”

“Okay, well, why don’t we head up to get some sleep. I slept for naught all night due to calls. So why don’t we head up to see if sleeping in bed with someone will settle you down.”

Buck debated for a few seconds if sleeping in the same bed as someone was actually going to help. He wasn’t used to that kind of thing. He hadn’t ever really slept in the same bed as someone. The only time he was in bed with someone was when he was having sex with them.

“It can’t hurt to try, Buck. If you can’t, you can’t, and you can say you tried.”

Buck nodded his head, and he pulled his keys from the ignition. He snagged his bag from the passenger seat and followed Kinard into the house. He locked up and listened to hear who was moving around, but he heard no one. He headed up to his bedroom to get changed into sleeping clothes. He wasn’t sure what Kinard meant with them sharing a bed. Here? Down in his room? Buck felt a little like an idiot for not asking. He sat down on the edge of his bed and dropped his head into his hands.

“Yeah, you need something comforting,” Kinard said.

Buck looked up at Kinard. He was dressed in a pair of LAFD sweat pants and an LAPD t-shirt. Buck looked at that with a shocked look on his face. “How did you get that shirt?”

“Stole it from Stella. It shrunk too much in the wash. I am not sure she’s noticed it’s gone yet.”

Buck laughed a little at that.

“Buck, I’m not aiming to get into your pants. You are hurting, and you need something. You told me that you don’t know how to get comfort except for sex. So, this is comfort without sex. I will put you on your ass if you make a move on me but don’t worry, getting an erection while sleeping is not making a move. If your cock gets hard, it gets hard. Don’t think too hard about that. Just lay down, and I’ll lay down, and we will sleep. If we don’t sleep, kick me out of bed, and you can do whatever you want. I figured if we were in your bed, you would feel better about this, but if you don’t, we can head down to mine.”

Buck thought about it, and he knew that he would feel better in his bed. He wouldn’t be comfortable in Kinard’s bed at the moment. He rolled back and dropped to get under the blankets. He went to his side and snagged a pillow to cuddle. He would rather have Kinard behind him than in front of him. He wasn’t sure that he would be able to sleep, but he would try. If he couldn’t, and Kinard was asleep, he would just leave the bed and go do something else. Hopefully, it would mean he would pass out easily that night, but if he didn’t, he would have Bobby keep him as the man behind and try and get some sleep then. There were ways of working without being the best.

“You are stiff as a board,” Kinard said.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Am I pushing?” Kinard asked.

“No, I need the push, honestly, but you aren’t making me do something I don’t want. I need sleep. Sleep helps me think better. I just need to relax. I need to do this.” Buck made himself relax down into the bed, and he leaned back into Kinard. Kinard wrapped himself around Buck, slotting a leg between Buck’s. It felt strange but good, all in the same way. He sighed and let the bed start to drop him down into sleep.

“There we go.”

Buck hummed, and he started to drift off, his mind clear for the first time in a day.

The sun shone through the skylight when Buck woke up on his back. Kinard was draped over him. He could feel a leg pressed into his erection, and Kinard’s was pressed to his hip. Buck thought about it, and there was no urge to do anything. He wasn’t sure what he was feeling, but the want of sex wasn’t there. Was this what comfort felt like from friends?

“How are you feeling?”

“Strange but good. How long were we asleep?”

“Just about four hours. It’s lunchtime now. I don’t feel like eating here. Wanna head out into the town and eat?”

“I want tacos. That one truck.”

“Sure. Sounds good. I love their burrito bowl there. We can easily find enough food to eat there. So let’s get dressed and head out to do that.”

Buck waited for Kinard to get up first before he moved. He looked at the man as he just sauntered from the room. It was the strangest morning he had ever had in his life, and he wasn’t sure what to think about it. He would be talking to Guentzel about it as soon as his next appointment happened. Buck started to get ready to face the day with a smile on his face.

The kitchen was full of people, so there were more than normal off on the day, it seemed. Buck slipped out and waited by Kinard’s truck. He would rather have him drive than take two vehicles. He would make the best of the day and deal with the rest as it came.

Chapter Four

“Are you waiting on your significant other?” the hostess asked as she seated Buck at the table.

“No, just a really good friend. She offered to cover a shift for someone at her job, and our weekly dinner catch-up got changed. She’ll be along when she can. Sometimes leaving work is a hassle for her.” Buck pulled the Kindle out of the pocket of his jacket and settled it onto the table to read. It was still a couple of days before Valentine’s Day, and while Buck and Abby were closer, Buck still wasn’t anywhere near where he wanted to date again. He was trying to help Abby find someone to date. He had thought about maybe hooking her up with Bobby, but his relapse meant he wasn’t that sure about that either.

Abby deserved someone who loved her for who she was, and she deserved to start that kind of thing now, not later when Buck felt like he was less of a mess.

A soft chime had Buck looking at his phone lying on the table. He saw it was from Kinard and picked it up to respond to him. The friendship that he had built with Kinard was something that Buck never thought possible. They both had days over the last month where they needed to know they weren’t alone. So whoever was the last home would crawl into the bed of the other if they were asleep or force them into a couch cuddle while watching TV.

If Kinard wasn’t there, Buck would pout until someone else came over. The house was full of people that Buck had never thought would be as tactile as they were. The nurses, he could see that, but the cops? The firefighters? It was seriously warping Buck’s view of the world. It wasn’t the kind of thing that Buck minded, though. He needed to change his views, just like he had with therapy so far.

“Buck,” Abby said.

After texting Kinard back, Buck laid his phone down, smiling at Abby. He stood up to give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He pulled out her chair and let her get settled. Even though this wasn’t a date, he didn’t mind paying her attention like this. There were not many things that he wouldn’t do for his friends, and showing them attention was just a small thing. He snagged his glass of water as he sat down and took a sip. He had taken an Uber to get there, and he planned on drinking a little bit, not enough to really impair him but enough that he really didn’t want to drive.

“How was work?” Buck asked.

Abby laughed, and she shook her head. The smile on her face said that she was happy that he asked, but it was a workday. He understood that on a deep level, and he had work days like that.

“How was your day?”

“Oh, it was a day. Kinard made me go running at the crack of dawn since he was too awake to sleep, then we took a nap once we had run ourselves into tiredness. He helped me find a bed that I really like, so I bought it and delivered it since it wouldn’t fit in our vehicles. We put it together, and since I brought the mattress with me from my last house, we got it all set up. The other bed frame went down to the basement storage area again. I’m ready for work tomorrow. Chim is supposed to be coming back.”

“That’s early, isn’t it?” Abby asked.

“Is it? I have no clue. He’s fit enough that his doctors released him, and I assume that he went through all of the stuff. He was lucky as hell.”

“Are you ready to place your orders?” the waitress asked as she stepped up to the table.

“Yes,” Abby said.

Buck let Abby order first, and then he placed his and asked for a bottle of wine that paired well enough with both of their entrees. Abby had been doing good at getting him to like a few wines. He had looked over the listing for the menu, and he liked all of them well enough. Abby would at least have one glass. She had the next day off, unlike Buck.

“Did you like that wine set I got you?”

“I did. I found two that I hate with a passion, but since it was only about five ounces of each wine, I didn’t mind throwing it out. I didn’t even know they made bottles that small. I have never paid attention to the wine section. Usually, if I’m going somewhere and I’m asked to take wine, I just find something that’s pretty pricey.”

“Are you still liking living in the house with roommates?”

“Yeah. I’ve never been good on my own. I know that about myself. Doctor Guentzel just hums about that when I say it, but he agrees that I’m happier where I am. How is your mom doing?”

“She’s asking for you to come over again. She wants to play canasta with us.”

“Sure. I hope you still have the sheet of paper with the stuff written on it.” Buck picked up his glass of water again and took a sip.

The waitress came a moment later and settled the ice bucket on the table with the wine and the wine glasses. Behind her was another server with a plate of the appetizer trio that Buck had ordered.

“What are we celebrating?” Abby asked.

“Nothing much; I just figured that neither of us is getting a Valentine’s Day date, and so we might as well enjoy ourselves tonight. We can just have some fun together as friends and make people jealous that two beautiful people like us are having the time of our lives.”

Abby gave Buck a smile before she grabbed the bottle of wine and poured out two glasses for them. She held her glass up. “Cheers.”

Buck tapped his glass off hers, and he smiled back before taking a sip. It tasted a lot like many of the other wines he had tried. It wasn’t horrible, though, and he could drink it.

“So, what are your plans for your next set of days off?” Abby asked.

“Why?”

“Don’t look at me like that,” Abby said. She laughed and tossed a small chunk of bread at Buck.

Buck picked it up and ate it, making Abby laugh even more.

“You’ve talked about going to one of the spa places, and I know of one that is doing a two for one deal for Valentine’s Day. I thought I could go and get it tomorrow and then split the cost in half. We don’t have to use them at the same time.”

“That sounds great. Hen was talking once about how she loved doing it. She usually spends the day with Karen. Oh, hey, are you still coming tomorrow?”

“I am. I have cookies I’m going to make and bring. I look forward to meeting more of the team. I feel like I know them.”

Buck felt a little giddy about that. He liked that his friends were going to meet his new friend. Kinard planned on stopping by as well since, before this, Kinard knew everyone else better than Buck.

—

Buck leaned on the railing, looking down to see Chim coming in. Chim wasn’t doing a full day back; it was pretty normal when Bobby scheduled people back after an injury where they were gone more than two weeks, half days to help ease them back in a little bit.

Hen stepped up beside him and wrapped him in a hug. “He’ll be here. Bobby said that Chim messaged that he would be late. Something to do with paperwork.”

“I know. I just hope that Abby gets here first.”

“How is the dating Abby going?” Hen asked.

“We aren’t dating; we are just friends. My therapist is not sure that me dating is a good thing right now as I deal with everything from the trauma of losing my first person and then something else that happened that I am still not ready to discuss.”

“Honey, did someone hurt you?”

“I can’t…I can barely talk to my therapist, and I know he’s not going to judge any part of it. I can’t, Hen.”

“Okay, but when you are ready, just let me know. I’ll listen to you. I won’t judge.”

Buck nodded as it was the only agreement he could do on that. He wasn’t sure that Hen wouldn’t judge him. He judged himself greatly for not understanding that what happened hadn’t really been consensual.

Abby came in the doors, looking around. Buck straightened up, and he waved at her with enthusiasm. Abby laughed and shook her head. She looked behind herself, and Carla was coming in with Patricia. Patricia was all dolled up.

“Is this okay?” Abby asked.

“Of course, the more, the merrier!” Buck clasped Hen on the shoulder, and then he rushed over to the poles and slid down one. Patrica was laughing when he landed on the floor. Buck walked over to give Abby a hug.

“Patricia, can I hug you?” Buck asked.

“Yes,” Patricia said. She opened her arms, and Buck hugged her, careful on his strength but making sure she was enveloped.

Buck looked over her shoulder at Carla. She was smiling and looked like she was pretty happy with this. When Buck let go of Patricia, he opened his arms to Carla, who waved her hand at him like he was too much before she hugged him.

“Who you got here, Buckaroo?” Hen asked.

“This is Abby Clark, her mother Patricia, and her aide Carla Price,” Buck said. He wrapped his arm around Patricia’s shoulder and pulled her closer to him as he faced Hen. “Guys, this is Hen. She’s one of the best paramedics in the LAFD. ”

“It’s lovely to meet you all.” Hen reached out to shake their hands. “Let’s go up and introduce you to who matters.”

“Yeah, come on, Patricia.” Buck held out his arm, and Patrica looked at Abby before she hooked her arm through Buck’s.

Buck was careful as he led her up to the loft area. Most of the people there knew that she wasn’t all there all the time, so they stayed back, letting Buck introduce her to just those that Buck was closest to before settling her on the couch beside Carla.

Forty minutes later, Buck knew that something was wrong. Chim should be there. He looked at where Bobby was heading to his office.

“Bobby,” Hen said under her breath, enough for Bobby to hear and stop. He looked at her, and she nodded toward the doors.

The Chief was there. Buck felt like there was something lodged in his throat. There was no good reason for him to be here. Buck looked at Abby next, and she gave him a strange look until she saw the man coming up the stairs.

“I think I’ll work on getting everyone out of here,” Kinard said from behind Buck.

“Yeah, I think that will be a good idea.”

Kinard walked over to a few people from other stations and the ones who were not on the same shift and talked to them. Buck looked at where Bobby and the Chief had disappeared into Bobby’s office.

“Let me know if you need anything,” Abby said as she kissed Buck on the cheek.

“I will.”

The party wound down to just those on shift, and Buck wasn’t sure what to think of how long Bobby and the Chief were in his office.

“So,” Kinard said as he pressed in beside Buck at the wall.

“I have no clue.” He had no clue what he wanted to do, but staring at the door and waiting for Bobby to come out wasn’t a good thing.

“Let’s go and stock the truck,” Kinard said.

“Shouldn’t you be heading into work?”

“If I head in after taking time off for the party and I don’t give the scoop, I would be run out of the station.”

Buck laughed. Kinard had a scan to double-check a broken arm after being cleared to work again. It was a small price to pay to go to the party, but he had been more than happy to make sure it was at the same time.

“Let’s go.” Buck got up and waited for Kinard to head down. It probably wasn’t the best idea, but he would be busy at least. Idle hands and a spinning mind didn’t do well on Buck. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to be doing this, but he was mostly okay with just doing something. Kinard knew how to do what he was doing. It wasn’t like Buck needed to pay that close attention to him.

“Up here,” Bobby called out ten minutes later.

Buck exited the truck, and Bobby was looking at Kinard, and Kinard took it to mean that he needed to leave.

“Let me know. If he’s been delayed because of injury, I want to stop by and see him.”

Buck nodded.

The rest of the shift was all assembled. Bobby looked pissed, and when his eyes passed over Buck, they hardened even more for a quick second before they softened. Buck wasn’t sure what was going on, but he didn’t like it.

“Firefighter Han is no longer with the LAFD,” Bobby said.

“What?” Hen demanded.

“There is not a lot that I can tell you. You are more than welcome to reach out to Chim, but the official position is that he is no longer with the LAFD.”

Buck understood the look now. It was because of him. He had caused it. He was still a probationary firefighter, and because of him, another long-standing man was gone. Buck didn’t like it. He was going to be given so much shit for this. Bobby could fire him without fault. He had done enough shit to cause it.

“Buck, my office,” Bobby said.

Buck swallowed, and he nodded. He looked at Hen, who was looking at Bobby. Buck didn’t dare look at anyone else. He followed Bobby into his office. Buck stood behind the chair, even after Bobby waved for him to sit down.

“Buck, what’s wrong? You look like you are going to run.”

“Bobby, did I do this?” Buck asked.

“No, you didn’t do this. He did this to himself. I cannot talk about it more than that. Your report was enough to make it seem like you hadn’t come to me. There was enough to follow up with the cops and then more than that with the LAFD and even the Union. It’s never going to come back on you unless you say something. I want to hope that even if I hadn’t asked about what was going to happen to that vehicle, that this would have happened. If there was a death from this set of wrecks, it could have opened up the LAFD to a lawsuit from the fact that Chim was one of us.”

Buck nodded his head. At least his shit wasn’t too bad. He had fucked up, but it had hurt no one but himself. He hadn’t been the reason that someone might have died. Buck finally moved around the chair and sat down in it.

“I called you in here because the Chief has given me dispensation to go ahead and end your probation early. He agrees that you have learned your lesson, but he has no one who is willing to move here full time, and our pool of fill-ins for paramedics is very short. Next month, a good man is coming out of the Paramedic bit of schooling. Hen will work on him, and then when the firefighter graduates in the fall, we will take on a second probationary firefighter for our shift.”

“Why do I get to be allowed to end it early?” Buck asked.

“There is a lot that is going to be going on over the next while, and it’s going to be better for optics if I’m not taking on a probationary paramedic at the same time I have another probie on staff. It’s that or move your shifts, and the other captains have already pretty much said no. They are happy the way they are right now. So I’ll work around that. We will have a floater for the paramedic, and you can help Hen on calls that need it. It’s going to be a horrible period, and we are all going to be going through it.”

“I am not ready,” Buck said.

“You are. You are just scared of messing up. You can do this. I believe in you.”

Buck nodded his head.

“It’s only about a month early. You’ve proven to me that you understand everything. No one is going to think you were given this for turning Chim in, Buck.”

Buck needed to focus on something else.

“Send in Hen when you head out,” Bobby said.

Buck nodded his head. He stood up, feeling numb. He found that Kinard was standing there beside Hen when he came out. He was shocked the man hadn’t left, but it looked like Hen was why he stayed.

It was time to unroll and roll up all of the hoses. It was the only thing that was going to keep Buck from spiraling.

—

Buck looked at the doorway when he heard the door shut. He frowned at Kinard and then turned back to keep on hitting the speed bag. He waited for it to stop moving and then started up the rhythm he liked for hitting it. He hoped that Kinard would leave him alone, but he figured it wouldn’t happen.

“So, rumor is that Han is pissed,” Kinard said.

“Hen’s not said anything, and I haven’t asked.”

“Was he going eighty miles an hour?”

“Yes. I’ve seen the traffic report and crash report. Don’t ask how. I even saw the footage. I hope it never leaks to the news. It would destroy a lot of faith in firefighters, and we need the city to trust us.”

“What do you need?”

“I have no clue. We’ve got the next few days off, and I really don’t know what I need. I feel like I want to go and find someone to pound through the mattress.”

“Well, there are offers in the house.”

“What?” Buck stopped punching and turned to look at Kinard.

“Look, this house is full of adults. They know to have no strings attached sex, but it’s hard given some jobs. You understand. Though I hear that you like apps for that kind of thing. So, you can find someone here to pound through the mattress, or we can go dancing and get drunk. No sex, but maybe it would help; sex can always happen tomorrow.”

“Dancing sounds good. I know just the place. They are discreet and will cut me off if I get too drunk. Uber? I’ll need twenty to get ready.”

“Only twenty?”

“Clubbing clothes is easy. My wet hair will be easy to style. Do you need longer?”

Kinard laughed, and he took off running out of the room. Buck followed at a more sedate pace.

Twenty minutes later, Buck was on the couch in a pair of jeans that were close to being painted on his legs and a tight tank top. He knew what he looked like when he dressed like this. He also knew that while sex sounded good, he didn’t want to regret anything. He looked at the stairs when he heard someone on it, and he was it was Ming. She was dressed like she was going clubbing herself.

“Mind if I join?” Ming asked.

“Not at all. The place I plan to go is LGBTQ+ friendly, so if that will piss you off, then don’t come.”

“Dude, relax. I play both sides. Most of the house does, really. Except for one. They don’t play either side.”

Buck nodded to that. He knew that Kinard looked for open-minded people, but he hadn’t thought he was going for a full house that fell on the LGBTQ+ scale. Which Buck was okay with. He found that if the others were bi, they didn’t have the biphobia like many others did.

“Well, good. Where is Kinard?”

“Still getting pretty.”

Buck nodded, and he settled down on the couch more. Ming came over and settled down into his lap. Buck just moved his arm to hold her to ensure she didn’t fall off. She loved using him as furniture. He didn’t mind it as it meant someone was there in his lap, and it wasn’t sexual. Ming had asked the first few times if she could sit on him. Even with twelve of them, the first floor was filled with many things, so the living room wasn’t massive, so people either had to sit on the floor or on each other when there were more than about eight of them in there. Buck didn’t mind it at all, no matter who would be doing the sitting.

“At least when he comes down, he looks pretty unlike a few others.”

Buck laughed.

“I heard that,” Derek said as he came down the stairs. He scratched at the beard growing on his face before stopping at the third step from the bottom and stretching. It was always that same damned step. Everyone else had known it, but Buck hadn’t, and it had been one of the things that they had forgotten to tell him. Thankfully Derek was bulky, and Buck was quick as the first and only time he ran into him on the stairs, no one had fallen down.

“Aww, Derek, you always look so pretty, like a pretty, pretty princess,” Ming said.

Derek flipped off Ming without even looking at her.

Buck didn’t know Derek well enough to mock him like that. The man was built much like Buck himself was. It was strange as hell to see in a nurse, especially a pediatric oncology nurse, but the kids all loved it as they got to hang off him for fun pictures. Derek was a huge softie despite looking like he would rather be anywhere other than where he was unless he was at work. He was always full of smiles there.

“How was work?” Ming asked.

“Good. The one boy finished his round of chemo. I am going to miss him. He’s a bright spot there. He never let anything get him down, even his newest diagnosis that kept him there for longer. He told his mom that if it comes back again, he’s going to where I am, even if I move hospitals. I made sure she knew that I would be there until I died. He can always find me there.”

“Well, the rest of the guys are in the kitchen bitching over dinner. Tommy, Buck, and I are going clubbing. You still look like something the cat dragged in, so I would get some coffee for you.”

“Did you want to come?” Buck asked.

“No, not today. Maybe another time.”

“Derek’s got a lost love out there.”

“Oh, fuck you, Ming.”

“It’s true. He’s gonna show up here one day and move into your bedroom while you are on shift when he’s done with college, and you won’t be able to do a damned thing about it.”

Derek flipped Ming off and headed to the kitchen.

“Why did he work last night?”

“One of the kids got sick, so he stayed in the ICU with him. Single mom, and she’s already hanging on by a thread to stay at her job. Derek stays with the kid when he gets sick if he can. Or one of us. I’ve done a round of it. Settles the mom’s mind, and everyone here is upstanding enough to be trusted with the kid.”

“Damn.”

Kinard came down the stairs before Buck could ask another question. Derek headed into the kitchen, and there was a yell from someone, and Derek growled. Buck knew that Derek was a lovely man who just needed to wake up before people bombarded him, but he was pretty much an anti-social asshole before his first cup of coffee.

“Ready?” Kinard asked.

“Yes, we were ages ago,” Ming said. She shoved herself up and off Buck’s lap and pranced to the door. “I want to take Buck’s Jeep. With the stuff off it like it is.”

“You got it,” Kinard said.

Buck shook his head. The Jeep had quickly become a favorite for quick runs, especially when he had part of the Jeep off to get free air around it. He got ready to get up, but Kinard was there with his hand out. Buck slipped his hand into Kinard’s and enjoyed the feel of someone pulling him all the way up. There was something about being able to be pushed around like that, which just set off Buck’s arousal. Honestly, he enjoyed it greatly and would love to have someone like Kinard in bed with him. The fight for dominance only was settled by those who wanted it more. A fair fight instead of an imbalance of strength.

“Ready?” Buck asked.

“Yup, I got Ming’s things in my pockets already. She hates how it all ruins the lines of her dress to put anything into the pockets, even if she bought the dress just because it has pockets.”

“Well, those lines are the thing that will draw someone into her web and let her eat them whole.”

“I HEARD THAT!”

“Let’s go before she hot wires the Jeep.” Buck grabbed his keys from the hook by the door.

Kinard yelled goodbye to the rest of the house. It was full-on dark, and Buck loved it even if the sky wasn’t nearly dark enough to see any stars. He got into the driver’s seat while Ming took over the front passenger.

“I’ll let Tommy have it on the way back. I plan to get drunk and dance. I will not be consenting to anything more than groping in a dark corner.”

“You got it,” Buck said. He looked at Kinard in the backseat with a raised eye.

“I’m not drinking. Ming had a shitty shift, and she took me out and was my DD. I was going to get smashed because you were, and I didn’t want to have me be sober, and you feel wrong for drinking. Ming will drink you under the table and keep on going.”

Buck nodded his head, and he looked at where Ming was checking her make-up in the mirror. She used very little unless it was around her eyes. He had been trying to get out of having casual sex all the time, but maybe he could find one person to have sex with where there were good feelings but not love.

—

Buck grabbed his glass from the table where Kinard watched over their drinks like a hawk. He had his own beer that he was nursing. It was his second, but he also had food on the table, and it was one of the lower percent beers that would take a great deal to get someone like Kinard drunk.

Dropping down into the seat, Buck looked at where his dance partners had been. They were pouting but turned back into the crowd after a few seconds.

“You are sweaty,” Kinard said, and he bumped into Buck’s shoulder.

“Yeah, it’s what happens when you dance like I do.”

“Yes, there is a lot to be said to dancing like you are fucking. Even the straight ones who are here with friends are looking at you like they want to fuck you.”

Buck gave Kinard a grin before he finished off his drink. Ming wandered over with a guy right behind her. She picked up her drink and winked at Kinard before spinning on her heel, the skirt of her dress twirling and giving just a hint of her underwear.

“Why are we here without more from the group?” Buck asked.

“Because Ming is an acquired taste, and you are new, and they have no clue how much disaster energy this is giving off. I got a video of you dancing with that one couple, and believe me, everyone is going to love it.”

“Oh, send that to me. I’ll put it on my Insta,” Buck said.

“In the morning, when you are not drunk.”

Buck didn’t think too much of sticking his tongue out at Kinard. He didn’t care who saw him. Kinard laughed and drained his beer before setting the bottle into the basket that his fries had been in. Buck settled his glass near there, and he checked the time. His vision swam a little, but he focused after a few seconds. He saw that they had about half an hour left until they agreed to leave. He wanted to make the most of it. He also wanted Kinard to have more fun than just dancing when they didn’t drink at the table.

“We are done with this, yes?” Buck asked, waving at the stuff on the table.

“Yes.”

“Then let’s go.” Buck tugged Kinard out of the seat and onto the dance floor. A few of the people Buck had seen who had been waiting for a turn dancing with him all huffed and turned away. He didn’t really care about them. He was here to have fun and just forget for a while.

Kinard slotted right into Buck’s space on the floor, leaving very little between them. It was the kind of dance that belayed a more intimate relationship than they had, and Buck was okay with that. There were times that things were better than sex and a good dance with no strings attached was good.

Buck was drunk enough that he knew he was doing things he normally wouldn’t allow; despite his willingness to jump into bed with any consenting adult, he was buttoned up on a lot of things. He didn’t mind using a little alcohol to loosen him up and get him going.

Kinard seemed to be into what they were doing, grabbing Buck by a hip when it looked like he was trying to get away. They were of even height, but Buck’s legs were so damned long, their bodies brushed in weird ways, but they were eye to eye.

“How drunk are you?” Kinard asked.

“I am nowhere near close enough to consent to even kissing,” Buck said.

“Okay, then just a floor show more than an extensive floor show.”

Buck laughed, losing his footing just a little bit as Kinard bumped into him. He stepped closer, slinging his arms around Kinard’s neck. He pressed his cheek to Kinard’s as the song slowed down a little to something a little more intimate feeling. He wanted to just dance to the music, and Kinard let him do that.

“I’m done,” Ming said a while later. She squeezed between them and slumped back into Buck. Buck wrapped his arm around her waist and held on.

“Then let’s go home.”

“Where did you get into glitter?” Kinard asked.

Ming just laughed, and she tugged on their hands and headed for the door.

Buck wasn’t sure where the glitter had come from, but it was going to be in his Jeep forever.

Kinard got behind the wheel, getting the key from his jeans and drawing Buck’s attention to the fact that he was erect in his jeans. Buck was as well, from the dancing. This had been the longest in a while he had gone without finding a sexual partner. He would have to see about getting some time to jerk off soon without feeling weird about it. He was too drunk to even think about it at the moment.

“So, what do you have planned for tonight?” Ming asked.

“Sleep. Why?” Buck asked.

“You two share a bed more often than not. I wasn’t sure if you were doing that tonight as well.”

“Hadn’t really thought that far ahead,” Kinard answered.

“Hmm, well, if you ever need someone else to cuddle, Buck, count me in. I sometimes miss another body in bed with me.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Buck hadn’t thought much about anyone else other than Kinard in bed with him. They both liked it, and he knew him the best. He knew the others enough to be friendly and not feel strange living with them, but they weren’t that close yet.

He didn’t mind getting that close with them as time went on.

Chapter Five

Buck laughed as Kinard pulled him along toward the little restaurant he swore had the best burritos in the LA area. It was after three in the morning, and Buck still wasn’t tired. It was the after-effects of sleeping all day after being up all night for a horrible fire at an office building. Thankfully, it had been after hours, and everyone who was on staff for cleaning was out before they even got there. It was mainly containing it and making sure it didn’t spread anywhere else. Kinard had been on the same call since it was huge. Buck had no idea what the ending-up call had been on how many alarms it had been. Still, it had been nice to have someone there who was backing him up when he had to head up into the building to check on an office that had someone who was sometimes there into the night.

“I’m not drunk enough that I am going to lose you,” Buck said. He had stopped at three mixed drinks, which had been spread over five hours of dancing and talking, and the last had been over an hour before. He didn’t feel even a little tipsy, but he knew that he was. They had planned on walking home after eating since it would help tire them out and hopefully sleep. Their multi-day break had come at the right time to try and get their schedule back after sleeping like the dead for nearly half a day.

“No, but I want to hold your hand. Is that such a bad thing?” Kinard asked.

Buck had no idea what to say to that, so he just let Kinard pull him along. Their friendship had grown and changed, but Buck wasn’t sure what it was anymore. Kinard didn’t act like anyone else that he knew. He also didn’t know who to talk about that with. He had brought it up with Guentzel just once, but the man had pushed him to talk to Kinard.

“This place is in a basement?” Buck asked as Kinard started down a set of stairs that went down into the ground. Kinard let go of his hand halfway down the stairs, and he only turned to give Buck a cheeky grin before he turned back to head down the rest of the stairs.

Buck followed at a sedate pace, but the smell that hit him had his stomach growling. The place was full of people who looked like Buck and Kinard, done up in dancing clothes or clubbing clothes. There were tables free all over.

“How have I never found this place?”

“Well, the only reason I know about it is that the 118 responded here once to a kitchen fire because of an idiot worker. It was easy to manage, and since they had to shut down, if there was something that wasn’t damaged from the taking care of the fire, which was just the stuff in the hot boxes, we got to take with us, well us and the employees. It wasn’t a bad fire, and they were open in a few days. They are open for lunch and dinner, brunch on the weekends, and every night from midnight until four in the morning for the club and bar crowd. I come by a good bit.”

“You know all of the great places.” Buck dropped into the seat that Kinard waved toward, and he dropped into the one across from it. There was a menu already on the table; the night fare was different from the main menu, Buck assumed, given how short this was. The burrito basket looked like the best option. Buck was hungry after barely eating all day and then dancing like he had.

“So the basket is usually what I get with the queso. You’ll like guacamole as well, so let’s each get one, and then we can share the dip; there is always more than enough.”

Buck nodded. He looked at the list of burritos; there were eighteen of them. There was also a note that only two items could be taken off any burrito, or a special one would have to be made for only a buck more. It really was a good thing. It made it easy to have someone take off one or two things of a burrito, and it was easier on the cooks, but if it was more than that, it would be easier to make a special one to ensure care was being done.

“You boys ready?” the waiter asked as he stepped up.

“Yeah, the hangover juice for the table, and I want the Inferno basket, please,” Kinard said.

“And for you, sweets?”

“Water please, too, and the Fajita Extravaganza basket with double veggies, please,” Buck answered.

“All righty, then. I’ll get this in and make up the hangover juice.” The waiter turned, and when Buck looked up at him, he saw that Kinard was looking at him with a slight frown. The waiter, though, only seemed to have eyes for Buck.

Kinard glared at the back of the retreating waiter until he realized that Buck was looking at him. “What?”

“You looked jealous there.”

“Not jealous, just mad. I mean, we came stumbling in together in the middle of the night. He has to assume that we are together, and yet, he’s giving you heart eyes and flirting with you.”

“Oh, he was flirting?” Buck asked. He looked over at where the waiter was putting in their order. He wanted until the waiter looked up at him, and then he scoffed and looked at Kinard. “He wasn’t.”

“No, he was. You get flirted with a lot but never catch on unless it’s overt. So yeah, I get a little pissed when we are out and about, and people do it.”

“Well, why don’t we just make him jealous?” Buck asked. He got up and walked around to sit on Kinard’s other side. He pressed himself into Kinard’s side and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

Kinard turned his face in and made it look like a more intimate gesture than it was. He wasn’t sure what he was doing, but Buck enjoyed it. It felt kind of natural. He snagged a napkin and laid it over his lap when he pulled back a little.

“Are you sure you should be doing that? What if you and he are perfect for each other?”

“Hmm, I’d rather have something else right now. I don’t need perfection; I want something uncomplicated. I am not ready for a relationship, but I think something meaningful yet with no strings attached is best. Kind of hard to find. Who wants to be friends with benefits with someone like me?”

“You would be shocked, but I know of at least three, but the other two are female, and you are putting down pretty hard that you kind of want nothing to do with a woman. So the guy is just waiting to see.”

Buck wasn’t sure what to say to that. He looked at Kinard, who was looking at the door as a trio of women came inside, all stumbling. They were laughing and having a good time. He looked at Kinard again and realized that he looked a little wistful.

“I’m an idiot, aren’t I?” Buck asked.

“Yes, but the more time I spend with you, I understand that you have no clue how people are when they are flirting with you. It’s okay.”

“You should have said something.”

“Neither of us is looking for anything serious at the moment, so we don’t need to do anything. Sex would be fun, but we don’t need to.”

Buck kept his eyes on Kinard’s face as he talked. He looked serious. He looked like he meant what he was saying about sex with nothing but good friendship feelings about it. It was something to think about, but it was something that Buck needed to really think about.

—

Buck dropped the sponge into the bucket as he rounded the main engine. He looked around at the area he had just cleaned and then grabbed the rag to dry it. He didn’t mind this kind of work. It helped him keep a clear mind.

“I think you missed a spot,” Hen said as she came out to stand beside him.

“Where?” Buck looked around to see where he had missed a spot.

“Here,” Hen reached out and brushed at something on Buck’s face. Her hand came back with a mound of bubbles from the soap. She then blew it at Buck’s face.

Buck laughed, and he shook his wet hand at her. Hen laughed hard as she danced away from where the water splashed at her from it.

“So this is what you do when I’m not around?”

Buck turned to look at where Chim was standing. He had his arms crossed at his chest, and he looked pissed off. Buck looked inside, where a few others from the shift were now paying attention to what was going on. One of them was heading up to where Bobby was working at making lunch.

“Chim, what are you doing here?” Hen asked.

“I thought I would see how things are going since I was kicked out of here. Looks like you guys are having fun and not missing me at all.”

“Chim,” Bobby said.

“Captain, I expected it to be at least a little more…heartbroken around here after I was kicked out. I mean, you guys always called me the heart of the station.”

“We can’t let our emotions control us, we are at work, and that means that we need to try and compartmentalize what we can. Even if that means burying our hurt or our upset at something outside or even inside work. You know that just as well as we all do, Chimney.”

“You could act at least a little like you missed me.” Chim looked like he was pissed off that they were not moping around.

Buck didn’t want to deal with this. He knew that Chim’s actions would have been found if it hadn’t been for him pointing it out. He had gone to his boss about something troubling as he was supposed to do.

“And you have this literal child just living his life happy about ruining mine!” Chim yelled as he pointed at Buck.

“I did not ruin your life,” Buck said.

“You told lies about me to Bobby!”

Bobby stepped forward, and he looked at the rest of the shift and waved for them to head back inside. He laid a hand on Hen’s shoulder, and she turned away to head inside as well, her face was full of emotions that Buck couldn’t figure out, but he figured some of it was hating herself for going inside.

Chim yelled for Hen to come back. Buck stayed where he was since this had to do with him.

“I am not sure what you were told, but Buck did not get you fired.”

“He is your favorite, Bobby, and we all know it.”

“You were judged solely based on the traffic cameras on the highway Chim. You were found weaving around traffic, going much faster than you should have been. Then when you had your hearing about it, you were screaming about how your girlfriend had not agreed to become engaged to you and how you were justified to be driving like that because you were angry. That was what got you fired. You would have been allowed to come back on a probationary period.”

“I had a traumatic brain injury; they shouldn’t have taken my words as fact!”

“Howard, you were already cleared to come back to work. Your doctor said there was no lasting damage to your brain. The cognitive tests cleared you to be mentally ready. So if your words were really from that, it’s on your doctor to clear you to come back early.”

“Just take me back, Bobby. Please. I have no life. I can’t do this. I need this.”

Buck started to back away then, but Chim’s head snapped up.

“You let him come back after fucking around on the engine, literally.”

“Yes, as a probationary firefighter who hadn’t fully grasped what was a good idea and what was not a good idea. He learned his lesson and threw himself into keeping up the name of the LAFD and not doing anything to sully the name. You were caught speeding and recklessly driving. You could have gotten the department sued for that recklessness. It wouldn’t have gotten far, but we all know how sue-happy a lot of people in this country are. You need to figure out what you want to do for the rest of your life, Chim.”

Chim shook his head, and he took a step forward like he was going to come at them, but the single whoop from a cop car had him stopping. Buck had never been so happy to see Athena in his life. He looked at Bobby, who was smiling at her. There was a look there that Buck was just learning what it meant. He smiled at the way that Athena smiled at Bobby as well. He would keep his eye on that and see what happened with it.

“You called the cops on me, Bobby?” Chim demanded.

“Actually, I came to get a statement from Buck about the accident he witnessed while getting the station coffee the other day. He had to leave before the cops could as the engine was called out to a fire. It just happened to happen when you were here, Chim. So what is going on that you would think Nash would call me for?” Athena took her sunglasses off and slipped them into the top of her shirt, and looked at Chim with a look that made Buck want to tell her every single sin he had ever committed that would be brushing up on illegal.

“Nothing,” Chim said.

“Good. Then I’m going to take Buck up to Bobby’s office, and we are going to talk about the accident he saw, and I don’t want to come out to find you still here. These fine people are trying to work.”

Chim looked at Bobby for a few seconds before he looked at Athena. Buck assumed he was gauging how long he could get away with being there yelling at them. He spun on his heel and left, stomping the entire way around to the guest parking area.

“You have changed everything that he knows as far as codes, right?” Athena asked.

“I have. Thank you for arriving quickly and for making up a story so quickly,” Bobby said.

“Oh, it’s not a story. I told him to leave, and I would find him if I needed him about the accident. The other eyewitness statements are a mess, and a firefighter’s statement would be better.”

“You didn’t say anything,” Bobby said as he looked at Buck.

“Honestly, I forgot. We were called to that mass casualty at the parade that had a truck drive through it. It was the last thing on my mind.”

“Head up to my office. I’ll have food ready by the time you are done, and you can join us to eat, Athena.”

“That would be good. I need some home cooking that ain’t my own right now.” Athena looked at Buck for a few seconds before she came over and wrapped an arm around his shoulder as well as she could and started to lead him away. “How are you doing, Buckaroo?”

“I’m pretty good. I am glad to see you. I was getting a little freaked out that he was going to do something.”

“He’ll calm down, and he’ll move on. He’s not the kind to dwell that long.”

Buck nodded, but he wasn’t sure about that. He was kind of glad that he didn’t live alone right now. He would make sure that Kinard made everyone aware of what was going on to not let Chim into the house. It was better to be proactive than retroactive, and someone gets hurt. He would hate for someone in the house to get hurt because of him. He pulled his phone out while Athena got everything set up to take his statement. He knew he would have to sign off on the statement at some point after the official one was typed up.

“What are you doing?”

“Um, texting my roommates to let them know to keep an eye out for Chim and to not let him inside of the house.”

“He’s got a hate on for you.”

“It was my statement of the accident that caused the issue. One of the drivers was uttering words, and like it should, it went into my statement, and it started from there. So I guess he blames me.”

“Did you know it was Chim when you wrote that down?”

“Fully? No. Suspected.”

“And you still did it? Good. If he hadn’t been able to get control and stop like he did, the accident could have been much bigger. He could have been a second thing the cars had to try not to hit. It’s not a good thing when you do something right, and it hurts someone you love, but keeping it back would just be more horrible. What if he does it again? I’ve seen the footage, Buck. Hell, there isn’t a lot of the LAPD who hasn’t seen it. He’s not the only cause, but the accidents might not have been as big if he hadn’t been a distraction. He was still driving recklessly and too fast. So, let’s get focused on this before a call ruins lunch.”

Buck nodded his head. He knew that Athena was not one to pull punches. She was a good woman, and Buck had learned how to see past her gruff exterior. She was a wonderful cop, and she was a wonderful role model for boys and girls everywhere.

—

Buck looked at the address that Kinard had texted him before he had gotten off shift. He had been ordered there for dinner, and there was no wiggling out of it unless he was in the hospital. Buck wasn’t, not anymore. He had been kept for smoke inhalation and given a few breathing treatments to make sure that they were clear and he was good before he had been released. Hen had dropped his bag off so that he could change into real clothes when he was done. He had thrown his work clothes into a hospital bag to take back in when he was back the next day. He would probably be kept behind on fires which were okay with Buck.

This restaurant looked like it was out of one of those posh movies. He was in jeans and a black T-shirt. There was no way he would be allowed in there for dinner. Still, he stepped up, and the hostess standing there looked him up and down with her eyes looking like she wanted to eat him for dinner.

“Name?”

“I think it’s under Kinard? Possibly Buckley. I am not sure. I was just told to arrive here.”

“Ah, yes, the hot firefighter I was told to expect. Come with me, and I’ll show you to the table.”

Buck didn’t say a thing. If his hotness got him in here, he would be all for it. He looked around as he followed the hostess to the table. It was packed in there, which Buck knew. The waitlist for the restaurant was huge. The owner and chef had another restaurant in New York and had opened this one up two months before, making it one of the hottest places to eat. Kinard had to have had the reservation in the line for a while. Buck had no idea why Kinard wanted him to be the one to go with him. This was the kind of place you could take a date, and they would be super freaking happy about getting in there. If sex was on the menu for after the date, it was a guarantee after eating here.

“Can’t find a date?” Buck asked once the hostess had left.

“Maybe I want you to be my date,” Kinard said.

Buck picked up his napkin and draped it over his lap. He looked at Kinard and tried to gauge just what he was saying. A date didn’t mean feelings. Sex didn’t mean feelings. Sex didn’t even mean emotions.

“Well, then I guess you had better make sure this is the best date in the world if you want to end up in my bed,” Buck said.

The waiter stopped at the edge of the table, coughing lowly to get their attention. He was blushing a little when Buck looked at him.

“Water for us,” Buck said with a smile. “I would love more, but I cannot right now, and as a good date, Tommy is drinking water as well.”

The waiter looked at Kinard, who nodded his head in agreement.

“What about an appetizer?”

“The platter sounds like a good choice.”

Buck looked at the menu to see it was a platter of a little bit of every single item on the appetizer list, in multiples if wanted.

“For two?” the waiter asked.

“Four?” Kinard asked.

Buck looked at the rest of the menu and found that they would want a large appetizer. “Yes. For four.”

“You got it, sirs. I get this in and then get the water and be back to take the rest of your order.”

“I figured that you didn’t get to eat much at the hospital.”

“My throat was too sore for a while, and the tea helped, but the food made me cough. I’m very hungry. So date, sex, emotions, but no string attached?”

“That’s what I’m thinking. I like you, Buck, but I don’t see myself ever falling in love with you.”

“I don’t think I could fall in love with you either. So what else are you thinking here? Fun dates like this or soccer games and the like and then sex at home?”

“Doesn’t even have to be sex at home. You are lonely, and you crave affection. I like to give it but want the emotional connection of someone instead of many people. For right now, I think it works for what we both need.”

“I agree.” Buck touched his fork, righting it from where it had been knocked a little askew. “So, we will play when we get home by ear; I don’t want to commit to it and not be up to it with my chest.”

“Well, that’s a given. We don’t need you to have to go and get another breathing treatment because we were fucking too hard.”

Buck flinched as the waiter stepped up to the table again. He looked at Kinard, who had a smile on his face. The waiter was going to be tipped so damned well for this.

“Are you gentlemen ready to order?”

“Yes,” Kinard said. He started to rattle off his food while Buck looked at the menu one last time.

Buck was starved, and even with the appetizers they had coming out, he needed more protein. Only a single meal seemed like it would work for him. He got it and only changed out one side; he didn’t like parsnips all that much.

The meal passed by with ease, just like every other meal they ate together, even the ones that were just at home. The waiter didn’t bring a bill, which Buck wasn’t shocked about. He just enjoyed being able to talk to Kinard without anyone else around. It didn’t feel like a date at all and felt more like the days they hung out together. He wouldn’t be upset if sex didn’t come into things. He honestly wasn’t sure that his breathing was up to it.

“Excuse me,” a man said.

Buck looked up to see a man in a chef’s coat with the name Sweet on the patch. The name was familiar, but Buck couldn’t place it.

“Riccardo Sweet?” Kinard asked.

“Ah, so you do recognize me. Well, my waiter said you two were firefighters? I just wanted to come over and tell you to thank you for your service.”

Buck felt the blush creeping up on his face like it always did when people thanked him. He just felt like it was his job. Other jobs needed thanks more, like the people who took care of the garbage.

“Thank you for the thanks,” Kinard said.

“Yeah, that.”

“Do you mind if I ask what station you work for?”

“217 for me,” Kinard said.

“118.”

“Oh, the 118. I’ve seen you guys in the news. You were the one with the roller coaster, weren’t you? Where you just wanted to forget it, but the news tried to cast you as a hero even though you didn’t think you were?” Riccardo asked.

“Yeah, that’s me.”

“Well, thank you for coming here. Pass the word around that I have a few spots for firefighters that if they call and tell they are from the LAFD and give station number and name, we will get them priority seating.”

“This isn’t the kind of place a lot of them will want to come unless they are trying to make their spouses happy,” Buck said.

“Well, it’s still there. I hope you two come back as well. My staff kind of liked the gossip of poor Adam coming up every time sex came up.” Riccardo was laughing, thankfully.

“Yeah, we will be leaving a good tip for him. He had the worst timing, or we all did.”

“It’s okay. We are all used to that kind of thing. Today is his first day without a trainer. The poor boy wasn’t ready for you or the pair planning a wedding a table over. Well, they are planning the bachelorette for the wedding. I haven’t gotten enough from him about which one was worse.”

“I can’t think ours could be that bad,” Buck said. He looked at the table with two ladies who would cackle every few minutes.

“No, not really. Well. I’ll leave you to your discussion of if Buck can breathe enough for sex. Have a lovely evening no matter the shenanigans you get up to.”

Buck glared at Kinard as Riccardo walked away from the table. “You are not getting any tonight for that, Tommy.”

“Fair enough,” Kinard said. He was laughing, though. He pulled out his wallet and enough cash to pay for half and a good tip while Buck did the same. Cash was good to have when they didn’t want to hang around. The poor waiter was probably scared to come back.

Buck looked around to find him and found he was talking to the bartender, who caught Buck looking and pointed. The waiter turned around, and Buck held up cash. The waiter nodded and slipped off to the side to tap around on the POS at the side. He printed out the bill and headed toward them. Buck took it so that Kinard couldn’t make any comments. He looked at the bills on the table, and they had been correct on what their total would be. Kinard picked up all the money and handed it over.

“Rest is your tip. Sorry for scarring you mentally,” Kinard said.

“Oh, no. You two were tame compared to the ladies. They have been on sex since dessert started. I’m actually scared to go to their table. Marissa will be dropping off the check. The thought of a vagina kind of scares me. At least your sex is something I like.”

Buck swallowed, and he looked at Kinard. It wouldn’t be good for them to laugh, but for Buck, Hen had something like that, only it came to sex with a real live dick.

“Well, have a lovely night. We will get out of your hair so you don’t have to come back out this way and can hide in the back.”

The waiter rushed away, looking like he had someone chasing him.

“I thought this place would be stuffy.”

“The food is, the atmosphere is not. I went on vacation to New York and ate at Riccardo’s place there. I loved it. It’s the kind of place I don’t mind dropping this kind of money on as they are discrete about most things and just want people to enjoy the food. Riccardo is a lovely man, as you see. I didn’t talk to him in New York, but I did hear him talking to the table next to me. So, let’s get home. Derek dropped me off on his way across town, so I’ll ride back with you.” The grin that Kinard turned on Buck was wicked, making Buck shiver.

Buck was up and moving across the room before Kinard could even react. Buck was all for getting the hell out of there. Now that sex was on the table, Buck was nearly gagging for it.

He was in the Jeep with the engine on when the passenger door opened, and Kinard was getting in the front. Kinard looked like he wanted to say something but stopped. Buck waited until the man was buckled in, and then he put the Jeep in reverse to leave the parking lot.

Nothing was said, and Kinard didn’t move until they were stopped at their first light.

“What do you want?” Kinard asked as he laid his hand on Buck’s on the gear shift.

“I have no clue. I don’t want penetrative, I know that, but other than that, I really have no clue. It’s been a while since I’ve been with a guy, and it’s been even longer since I’ve been in this kind of relationship with a guy.”

“Yes, I heard a little about het slut shaming that the 118 is getting up to when it comes to you and finding your way in the world. I mean, don’t get me wrong, taking the fire truck to get sex was just not something that anyone should do, but consensual sex between adults where there are no lies or misleading is the purview of no one but the two in it.” Buck spread his fingers a little and let Kinard slot his between.

A relationship built on an emotional connection and sex but no romantic feelings sounded just about what Buck needed at the moment. It would make things a lot easier for him to handle to have someone he could fully turn to.

“Then let’s go home and see what we feel up to.”

Chapter Six

Buck felt the bed dip, and he groaned as Tommy got into bed with him. Tommy had taken over a shift during their long break.

“No,” Buck said.

“No, we aren’t doing anything. I just want to cuddle. I’m cold.”

Tommy plastered himself to Buck’s back, and he was freezing.

“What the hell?” Buck demanded, and he tried to get away, but Tommy kept a good hold on him.

“Had a thing with a pool, and it was cold as hell; it had just been filled for the season,” Tommy said.

“And you didn’t get warm after?” Buck cracked an eye and looked at the clock. It wasn’t too early in the morning, but it was well before Buck would like to be up.

“Went to the station, changed, and then showered here, but the water heater is out. I got it going again as well.”

“It’s not even light out,” Buck said.

“Yeah, after the pool thing, I was sent home since I was not the coldest I could have been but enough that I needed to stay warm.”

“Hence why you are in bed with me, naked and stealing all of my heat.” Buck wiggled a little, and Tommy let go of him. Buck rolled onto his back. Tommy settled into him and held on.

“Yup. So sleepy.”

“No other injuries going on?” Buck asked.

“Nope, just cold. Promise.”

“Good. Then sleep, you asshole.”

Tommy laughed into Buck’s chest, and his body started to relax now that he was getting warm.

Buck closed his eyes and willed himself to get some sleep. He had fallen asleep pretty early, but he also was tired from working on some yard work all day on and off. He was taking on the outside jobs more and more and liking it where nearly everyone else hated it. Whoever had the outside stuff traded chores with him so far.

Sleep came slow, but it did come.

—

Buck felt Tommy move in the bed and knew he was finally waking up. He had already been up, used the bathroom, and checked over Tommy’s extremities for anything wrong, but they were all good. After that, he crawled back into bed and settled down there with Tommy in his arms. Despite how they were, sex had been pretty tame compared. Hand jobs, blow jobs, and frottage was all they had done. They had done those a good bit but nothing too big.

“Hmm, morning,” Tommy said.

“Good morning. How do you feel?”

“Warm.”

Buck laughed, and he rolled to where he was straddling Tommy and snagged his hands when he went to touch. Buck pressed them down into the pillows on either side of Tommy’s head. He nosed along Tommy’s cheek before kissing him. Tommy’s hands flexed like he wanted to touch, but he didn’t push. They traded kisses for several minutes before Buck let go of his hands and braced himself up on his forearms.

“Getting warmer,” Tommy said.

Buck shook his head, and he reached over for the tube of lube on the bedside. He snapped the cap open and slicked up his hand to get both of their cocks slick enough to where it wouldn’t hurt. Tommy was onboard as he wrapped his legs around Buck’s waist and rocked up into him as soon as Buck was done with slicking them up. He wiped his hand off on the towel that lived by the bed for this or Buck jerking off and using it to clean up; he would swap it out later for a clean one.

Tommy’s hands drifted down to Buck’s ass and gripped, using his hold to jerk Buck off-kilter to where he fell down on Tommy. Buck couldn’t help but laugh as he could see that Tommy regretted it as soon as he did it. It was hard not to hate Buck crashing down into his body.

“You’ve had smarter moments,” Buck said.

“Yes, I have. Still, come on.” Tommy rocked his hips up.

“Pushy.

“Bossy,” Tommy countered.

“Greedy.” Buck didn’t give him time to counter anything. He pressed his lips to Tommy’s and coaxed them open. They were both pretty even on giving and taking when it came to sex. It was sometimes a fight to see who would win, but there were also times that they just knew what the other needed.

Tommy broke the kiss and nipped at Buck’s neck, finding that spot on his neck that made Buck see stars when Tommy sucked a hickey there. Thankfully his shirt at work would cover that. He ducked down, and as soon as he had control of his limbs from pleasure, he worked a bruise into Tommy’s upper chest.

“You made a mistake slicking us up. I want you to suck me.”

“Well, I can take care of that with ease.” Buck shoved up off the bed, and he rushed to the bathroom. He grabbed a rag and cleaned off his cock before rinsing the rag and making sure it was warm to do the same to his. It wouldn’t eliminate all of the lube taste, but it wasn’t like they weren’t used to a little of that taste.

Buck tossed the rag toward the bathroom when he was done, and he grabbed Tommy’s thighs and hauled him to the edge of the bed as he sank down to his knees. He sucked Tommy in and took him all the way back and sucked hard, loving it when Tommy gripped his hair and held on.

It was never finessed when they were like this, so Buck didn’t even try and be that way. He sucked and bobbed, knowing that he was making a mess of himself. He stopped caring about that kind of thing the first time that Tommy had spit on his cock as he wasn’t wet enough. Sex was messy, and it was fun. There was nothing but the rush of the orgasm and the work done to get there.

Buck lost himself in the act of sucking and bobbing, using his hand for what was left and then his other hand for fondling at Tommy’s balls.

“You are going for broke, aren’t you?” Tommy asked as he tightened his hand one last time before orgasm gripped him.

Buck enjoyed this point, where Tommy was trying to not slump back on the bed and stay upright, but he was going to lose, especially when Buck sucked him all the way down in again, the head of his cock bumping the back of Buck’s throat. Tommy let go of Buck’s hair and dropped back to the bed, his body slumping over. Buck was gentle as he pulled off Tommy’s cock, licking at the head as he fully disengaged.

“Come up here,” Tommy said. He patted his chest.

Buck stretched up his knees, finding the bed before he could even fully think about what he wanted to do and getting him up to where he could kiss Tommy, letting the other man chase the taste of himself in Buck’s mouth.

They traded kisses for several long minutes before Tommy flipped them. Buck groaned as Tommy broke the kiss and then pressed kisses all the way down his body. Buck loved this part the most, the intimacy that was then knowing each other. While random hookups were something that he didn’t mind in theory anymore, he could understand how people liked this kind of thing. He had never really had a partner long enough or engaged enough to become anywhere close to this.

Buck groaned as Tommy finally took him into his mouth. Unlike Tommy, Buck’s cock made for a hard cock to fellate. More was out of the mouth except for the few moments that the cock was all the way back in Tommy’s mouth. Buck had known this for a long time, but Tommy was the first to ever act like he enjoyed the act instead of it being something to just get Buck hard before getting him to fuck them.

“Fuck,” Buck said. He groaned and tried to hold on, but even just the act of sucking Tommy’s cock got Buck worked up. It was part of why they did it with him sucking Tommy off first most of the time. Otherwise, it sometimes took a while to get Buck off orally. It was enough to make Buck want to thrust up into Tommy’s mouth, so he grabbed Tommy’s hair, and while he didn’t get a good hold, it was enough to have Tommy tap Buck’s thigh to tell him to go.

Buck thrust up and down a few times, getting into a good rhythm. He stayed pretty shallow and only went all the way back when he was close. After that, he let Tommy drive because he knew he would choke him with his cock if he didn’t slow down. Buck’s orgasm crashed over him, making him feel weak, and he wasn’t sure what he felt when Tommy licked at his groin before coming up to kiss him.

The kissing was still one of Buck’s favorite parts of this, including the make-out sessions that happened during movie watching.

“Sleep,” Tommy said.

“Nope, breakfast.”

“Ugh.” Tommy flopped on Buck and tried to act like a lump as Buck moved to get up. “But more sex.”

“Yeah, after food. We can take a shower and then figure out what we want to do.”

“Everyone is going to complain that we smell of sex.”

“If there aren’t two of them stumbling in after a night out and doing the walk of shame, I’ll eat my work hat.”

Tommy laughed, and he finally started to move off the bed. Buck grabbed the towel to put it into the wash, and he snapped it out at Tommy’s ass when the man put his back to him to stretch.

“I’m gonna end you,” Tommy said.

“You gotta catch me first,” Buck said, and he dashed into the bathroom and locked the door. He laughed as he heard Tommy ranting at him before getting dressed and leaving.

—

Buck slipped his T-shirt on, and he turned to shut his locker as he walked to sit down and put his boots on. He looked up in time to see the guy who was with Bobby. He hoped it was the new paramedic for the shift. Hen needed backup more than just the random guys on the other rig when things were needed.

Grabbing his phone from the bench, Buck headed out to introduce himself. Hen slipped in beside Buck and looped her arm through his.

“Ah, Buck, Hen, this is Scott Hart; he’s our newest paramedic. He’s at the top of his class and busted through his hours of training. Scott, this is Evan Buckley.”

“Buck,” Buck said as he held out his hand.

“And this is Henrietta Wilson,” Bobby said.

Scott held out his hand to Hen, and they shook.

“He goes by Buck, and I go by Hen. Call me Henrietta, and I’ll give you the worst jobs in the world.”

“Noted. Buck and Hen. I’ve heard stories about both of you. I look forward to working here. Bobby tells me that mealtimes are times for you all to gather and eat together. I asked him not to cook today as I would handle having lunch brought in.”

Buck wasn’t sure what it was about the way Scott said it, but Buck didn’t like it. It seemed like he was trying to curry favor with them for some reason. Hen made a noise that sounded like she was thinking the same as him.

“Are there any allergies? I’ll be sending that off.”

“No, but Buck hates beets.”

“I do not. I hate pickled beets. Regular beets are just fine even if they stain my fingers when Bobby makes me cut them up.”

“I’ve seen him eat them raw,” Metson called out from behind Bobby.

“You are a braver soul than I,” Hen said.

“So your accent,” Buck said.

“New York. Moved out here with my husband. He moved here for his job. It was easy for me to pick up here. I had just about been ready to apply to the academy there. Ricky felt like it was time for a change for his job so, here we are.”

“That’s a lot. To upend your life for his,” Bobby said.

“We are in love, and my family is just him. They didn’t accept me coming out. They didn’t accept me marrying a man.”

“You’ll not find any issues on that here. Hen here is married to her wife, Karen. Buck, are you still friends with benefits from Kinard at the 217?”

“Yes, Bobby. You caught him kissing me two days ago.” Buck rolled his eyes as he looked at Scott. The man was a little more relaxed.

“Kinard is?”

“Tommy Kinard, he transferred out of here about a year ago; I replaced him. He forced me to become his friend and then lured me into his bed with promises of no attachments. I like his-”

Buck stopped when he felt Bobby’s glare. “Let’s just say I like a part of him better than I do the rest of him. I would say that he’s my best friend and if we stopped doing the extra stuff-”

“The beast with two backs?” Hen asked.

“What is that even? I need to look that up, don’t I?” Buck asked.

Scott gave him a strange look.

“He’s missing a few bits of cultural education. We are working on it,” Bobby said.

“You and my roommates. I swear my eyes are going to bleed from watching so much TV. Anyway, I think our friendship is pretty solid and would outlast us not doing the other stuff anymore.”

Scott nodded his head, and he looked around. “Buck, do you mind showing me around to all the fun stuff?”

“Sure.” Buck looked at Hen, who just shrugged and let go of him.

Buck wasn’t too excited about their new person, but he would give him a chance. He didn’t want to be the asshole who was worried about his place. Scott was a paramedic; he would never do the kind of things that Buck did.

—

Lunch rolled around, and the team was out on a call. It was a simple car accident with no one seriously hurt. Scott was on his phone a good bit when they finished up, and Hen was not upset, so Buck didn’t see where he could be.

“Lunch will be delivered as soon as we get back, or thereabout. He’s packing it up now and bringing it to us,” Scott said over the comms.

Buck checked the mirror before he started to back into the station. Hen was driving the ambulance and waiting for him to go in first. Buck saw someone standing at the base of the stairs, and he knew he had seen her before, but he wasn’t sure who she was.

“Bobby heads up, we have someone waiting on us,” Buck said.

Bobby leaned over to look in Buck’s mirror, and he frowned. “She’s the main lawyer for the LAFD.”

“I didn’t do it. I am not sure what it is, but I didn’t do it.”

“Stop and let me out,” Bobby said.

Buck did, and he waited until he saw Bobby well clear of the rig before he started to back in again. He was kind of done with everything legal. He was done with Chim and his threats. Hen had gotten to the point where she didn’t hang out with him near as much as she used to, considering how much they had hung out before. Buck wasn’t her confidant on that, but Bobby was.

By the time Buck got up to the loft area, Bobby was standing at the kitchen making what looked like a pot of coffee while talking to the woman. She turned to look at all of them and frowned when she saw Buck. Buck had no idea about what that look was about.

“These are the only two who really had anything to do with Han,” Bobby said.

“Howard brought up that he used to do game nights.”

“Ah, yeah, I forgot about that. I’ll make sure that they all know. He also had people there from other stations. It might be a good idea to get it all around.”

“Bobby?” Hen asked.

“This is Amelia Mathis; she’s the main lawyer for the LAFD for the case of Chim suing the LAFD for wrongful termination. There is to be no contact between Howard Han and anyone who works for the LAFD. If you have him as your medical contact, change it. He has no children, so there is no push there. Are there any questions?”

“Can I have a card?” Buck asked.

“Why?”

“Just in case he shows up to bitch at me again and blames me for him getting fired. I can give him the card and tell him to talk to you and then call the cops.”

“He’s been made aware he is not to contact any of you; if he shows up at your home, call the cops.”

“Well, there is a cop who lives with me. Three of them. I live in a house with eleven others. It’s always pretty busy there.”

“That’s a very large house.”

“Yes, old money and such. That’s another reason I want the card. I want to make sure they can call you if he shows up there. Two other LAFD members live there, one who used to be here before he moved to the 217.”

“This is a mess, but I want to thank you all for being upstanding during this. If anyone has any questions, Captain Nash has my information. Firefighter Buckley, I don’t have any cards on me now, so I’ll drop one off to you later when I’m heading home. It looks like your lunch has arrived. Splurging are we?”

“Our newest recruit is trying to buy our affection with food; we might let him,” Bobby said.

Amelia laughed as she headed to the stairs. Buck followed to look down at the group of people who were standing there with bags of food.

“Oh, at least I get to see one of the hot firefighters. My husband will be very upset he doesn’t get to see young Tommy.” Riccardo was standing with a few bags of food in his hands as well.

Buck tried not to laugh when he saw Adam looking around, and then when he saw Buck, he started to blush.

“What do you mean?” Scott asked.

“Ah, there he is!” Riccardo nearly dropped the food as he tried to wave.

“And who are you talking to?” Scott asked.

“Well, I’m talking to Hotty McHotty beside you. I’m jealous you get to look at that every single day. I’d love him every day and thrice on Sundays.”

“Buck?” Hen asked.

“Tommy and I ate at his restaurant, the young man beside him who is blushing is Adam, and he was our waiter. He came up at the wrong times, meaning every single time that sex came up. Riccardo came to talk to us. He did not tell us his husband was going to be a paramedic at the time.”

“Whoops, what can I say? I forgot my mind looking at the two of you.”

“We eat up here,” Scott said.

Riccardo started to crowd his staff up. The staff dropped their bags down onto the tables and then left the loft. Riccardo stayed up there and kept the three bags in his hands. He handed one over to Scott then the other two came to Buck. “This is for you. The same meal you had. The other is the same meal that Tommy had. I wasn’t sure which one of you worked here, but I knew that one of you did.”

“What does everyone else have?”

“I made enough for extras, but it’s the most popular dishes on the menu, just a few of each. So everyone can enjoy.”

Buck looked at Scott, who was with Bobby talking about the food as they opened each box and added them to the piles. Buck was happy with what he had. It was the only meal on the menu that had called to him that night they ate there.

“I am shocked your husband is the one that was pulled in here.”

“He was talking about the stations who wanted him, and I kept my mouth on this one. He knew that I had met some firefighters, but I never wanted him to choose a place based on meeting a few firefighters. He made his own choice. He’s just happy to finally be working in a station. He didn’t mind the training, but he’s had his eyes set on this, and we were apart for a long while. I knew I would be moving here, so he applied and got in pretty quickly once it was known he was accepted into the New York City Academy but had to drop out due to moving to LA. He was here without me for a long while. I was splitting my time between LA and NYC. He’s been happy to have me here full time, even if I am working a good bit while the restaurant is getting its feet under it.”

Buck nodded. He waited until everyone had picked their food and settled in at the tables before he walked over to take the spot he normally did while eating. He looked at Riccardo and waved him over. “Unless you are sick of the food, take an extra and join us. We don’t mind guests for meals.”

“Yes, please, we would love to get to know Scott’s husband,” Hen said. She waved to the two seats on the other side of her. The other firefighters and paramedics found seats around the other tables.

While they were all friendly, there were small groups that tended to eat together when they could. Scott was laughing at something Bobby said as he sat down beside Riccardo. Buck opened up his box, and inside was even a few of the appetizer that he had enjoyed the most. He looked at Riccardo.

“Does your restaurant even do take-out?”

“Not really, but we do for any first responder or medical establishment. There is no reason that they can’t enjoy good food. Free delivery as well.”

“So this is a marketing ploy?” Hen asked. She was smiling as she said it.

“Oh, sweetie, it very much is. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I have bookings filled for months, but this whole city functions on the back of you guys; if a good meal after a shitty call is the least I can do, I’ll do it. I have a whole host of young adults in college who are more than willing to work weird hours to do deliveries when they can. I did the same thing at my restaurant in New York City. If you guys tip them, they keep that and get paid some money per delivery, not full-time wages, but I make sure they get their gas money on top. Hell, I have a trio of them that come and take over part of the break room and do their homework there as it’s less bothersome than the library on campus, and they get flavored water that doesn’t look like it has gangrene. When they can, they pick up other shifts, but their education is important.”

“That’s a strange way of doing things,” Bobby said.

“He did that kind of thing in New York City while going to high school and then college,” Scott said.

“Scottie,” Riccardo said.

“No. He did. He worked his ass off at school and made money to make sure he could support himself. A deli owner kept him right there, and he worked on homework and got paid per delivery but only worked on weekends as an actual staff member. He could make a little money during the week but didn’t have to not focus on his school work. It’s why he doesn’t open up and leave restaurants. His food might be fancy AF, but he makes sure that people are taken care of. He was doing one of his runs when he met me in college. He hit my car, and I was parked. He was on his bike, so mostly it was him that was damaged.”

“He threw my bike on the top of the car and then drove me to make the food delivery and then took me to the hospital.”

“Why that order?”

“He wouldn’t let me take him. When he was done, I stayed with him and took him to his job to get his school books. His boss berated him that he would have sent someone else out with it.”

“I just had a broken arm! It wasn’t that painful.”

Buck laughed and started to eat as the two of them bickering. He looked up at Bobby a few minutes later and found that Bobby looked happy. Things had been rough with Bobby for a while, but Buck knew that he was talking to his sponsor more. Bobby might not feel like he could talk to them about much, but they made sure that he knew it was an option when he was ready for it.

The 118 was going to come out the other side on this, they might not look the same, but they would still be a family.

—

Buck closed the door to the locker room, and he walked over to the mirror. He tugged his phone from his pocket and dialed Tommy. He was awake at the moment. He had swapped shifts with a co-worker so they could have another day off. Buck hadn’t been happy as it had ruined their show-watching schedule, but it was okay. Buck had done it more than once as well. As soon as the call was going, Buck laid his phone down and tapped the button on-screen to make sure he could talk to Tommy without having to hold the phone.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“I just had a woman slap me,” Buck said. He turned his face to the side, and he could see that it had been a hard as hell slap. She knew how to do it and to injure. There were also a few scratches from the nails.

“What happened?”

“I have no clue. I was sitting at work when a woman stormed up and spoke about how I ghosted her. We were talking about Bobby’s dating profile that he set up. He was a little reluctant, but I think that Bobby is seeing a therapist on top of his sponsor, and they are kind of twisting his arm on it. Anyway, she was screaming about how I got her to trust me, and then I just ghosted her. There was something about getting her to reveal every single dirty secret and then just stopping.”

“I see. Well, what did your co-workers do?”

“Nothing. We got a call, and then when we got back, it was nothing.”

“I’m coming over.”

“No, Tommy.”

“Yes, Tommy,” Tommy said, and then he hung up.

Buck grabbed his phone, and he dialed him back, but the phone just kept on ringing. He wasn’t sure what Tommy would do, but Buck wanted out of his clothes and into clean ones. He had a smell on his uniform. He quickly got changed and came out before heading to stocking the trucks. He really didn’t want to be up where the rest of the shift was hanging out and talking. He could hear them, but he wasn’t that keen on being around them.

“Let me look,” Tommy said as he pulled on Buck’s shoulder.

Buck turned around at the pull, and he let Tommy press around on his cheek.

“She just had to hit the one that I like to kiss, didn’t she? Let’s go up. I brought some stuff.”

“No, you can do it here.”

“Nope, I’m going to make them eat their words on not believing you.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to. Let’s go.”

Buck grumbled, but he let Tommy lead him away. Bobby, Hen, and Scott were sitting around the table where Tommy shoved Buck to sit. He pulled a tube of something from his pocket and started to gently rub it into Buck’s skin.

“Hello, Kinard,” Bobby said.

“Not talking to you right now, Captain Nash. Not after you let my man be assaulted and didn’t do a damned thing about it.”

“He was slapped,” Hen said.

“Yes, and?”

“Wait, that’s why your face looks like that? I assumed it was something that happened on a call,” Scott said. He got up from where he was sitting and walked over to join Tommy in looking at his cheek. “You have scratches.”

“Yeah, her nails, I assume,” Buck said.

“It was nothing,” Bobby said.

“No, it’s really not. He was working when someone came up and slapped him and then just left? Do you have any way of making sure she’s not going to do worse to him?”

“He ghosted her,” Hen said.

“He did? How do you know?” Tommy asked.

“She said so.”

“And he said?”

“He said he didn’t,” Hen said.

“And Buck lies? You will trust the word of a woman you don’t know of a man you have worked with for over six months? A man who can’t even lie to me about sex things he doesn’t like because he wants to make me happy.”

“Hey, don’t,” Buck said. He shoved away Scott’s hand.

“You just shut up,” Tommy said.

Buck glared at him, but he did have to say that he was enjoying the attention Tommy was paying in putting that cream stuff on his face. It was already feeling a lot better.

“He doesn’t treat women with respect,” Bobby said.

“In your opinion. So if a woman wants to have sex with him, he should turn her down? They were all willing participants in the sex. Hell, half the time, he asked for repeats at some other point, but they were the ones that turned him down. He tells me everything, Captain Nash, and if he were on a dating site, he would tell me. He and his therapist agree that a deep and meaningful romantic, sexual relationship with anyone might need to take a backseat for a while until they have all of his shit worked out. He fully agrees with it. We have a deep sexual relationship, but there are no romantic feelings. He tells me he’s not up for sex; I cuddle his ass instead.”

Buck didn’t want to look at Bobby and Hen, but he did. Hen looked a little like she was trying to parse it all out, while Bobby looked like he was about to get into a tirade.

“Derek has everyone who is at home right now looking at various dating sites to figure out where this person is catfishing from.”

“Catfishing?” Bobby asked.

“Someone using a fake identity to lure in people. They take on that persona. I assume that’s what has happened. Someone saw Buck with the interview with the rollercoaster and then decided to become him online. Since he gave up on the dating apps, he wouldn’t have noticed he was already on there, or the guy used the places that Buck didn’t have a profile. They will figure it out.”

“How are you so sure?” Bobby asked.

“It’s called trust, and Buck has never broken that trust, so why would I not believe him?” Tommy turned Buck’s face back to him. “I think I got it all.”

“Good. Are you going to press charges?”

“What?”

“She assaulted you while you were working. Cap at my station would never let that be. He’s all about making sure that assault is called assault, even if it’s a woman hitting a man. She had no idea who you were. She was upset, but if she’s hitting strangers that she doesn’t know, who else would she hit if she was stressed?”

Buck noticed that Bobby flinched at that.

“There are cameras here,” Scott said.

“I’ll call Athena,” Hen said.

“She’s not on shift right now, I don’t think,” Buck said.

“I’ll still call her. Figure out who the hell to have come in and do this. Take our statements and get the footage.”

“I’ll call Amelia and see what else we might need to do.”

Buck stayed silent until they were all gone, and it was just him and Tommy.

“Why?”

“Because you shouldn’t take a hit from a woman who is upset, ever. You are the bigger of the two, but it’s not like you don’t have enough proof that this happened the way you said it did. Doesn’t the camera cover the area up here?”

“It does.”

“You deserve to have people stand up for you until you learn that you can do it for yourself, and it’s not selfish.”

Buck had no idea what to say about that, so he just kept his mouth shut. He didn’t really want to delve too deep into that. He gave Tommy a wan smile as it was all he could get mustered at the moment.

Chapter Seven

Buck jerked off his shirt, and he slipped into the shower; he worked his pants off while he was in there. His shoes were somewhere in the locker rooms. He wasn’t sure if someone else would come in and take care of that or just leave him alone. He was okay with being left alone. He mostly liked it when things were like this.

“So, Tommy is still at work,” a voice said.

Buck looked behind, and he saw Derek in the doorway. He turned his head away again and just stood under the water, not looking at the bloody water that was coming off him.

“You should be at work. You should also not be covered in blood. Ming is taking care of the blood downstairs; it’s only a few drops, don’t worry. I took care of the stuff in the bedroom. What do you need?”

“I have no clue. I don’t know.”

“Okay. I’ll leave you alone for now.”

The door shut, and Buck was glad of it. He could feel the blood all over himself. He had gone to do part of the shopping, which Chim used to always do. He loved that part, and since he couldn’t cook at all, it was a good swap. Buck had gone to a different shop than normal and ended up part of a hold-up.

There was little that Buck could do for the first victim. She had been shot, and he hadn’t been able to get to her to save her in time. Then a woman went into labor. It had been the worst place to be for Buck, but he had saved the woman and the baby. Delivered the baby and ensured the woman was taken care of while the cops talked down the robbers. The death toll had been huge. Four victims that Buck hadn’t been able to do a thing about. The three were security guards that had been shot right off. Buck had known he wouldn’t be able to save them. They had been shot point-blank.

Buck could still feel the blood on his hands as he tried to save Elena. He could feel the blood on him as he had helped Sharon give birth and then tried to make sure she made it through this. He could feel everything, and he hated it. He slammed his hand into the tile. He was going to be off work for a little while. He had been attacked violently. He had been pistol-whipped, and while it wasn’t bad, he had been hurt. He would have to talk to someone. He was ready to do that as soon as he had control of himself.

“Buck, your phone was ringing. You need to go down to the hospital,” Derek said from the door.

“Why?”

“A woman there is asking for you. Athena Grant is who just called. She’s sending a car for you if you don’t want to drive.”

“Can you take me?” Buck asked.

“Sure. Finish up.”

Buck did so, grabbing clothes that were comfortable but at least soft. He grabbed his phone from his bed, glad that he had gotten it mostly cleaned of blood before leaving the scene. He had not driven home since he left the scene and taken an Uber home. He really wasn’t in any condition to drive, much less go to work. Bobby had been called while Buck had been in the Uber. Bobby had offered to drive him, but Buck had declined. The rest of the 118 had watched from the edges of the area.

By the time Buck was out in the living room, Derek was on the phone with someone.

“Hey, Tommy’s aware of what is going on. He said that if you are still at the hospital tomorrow, he’ll join you.”

“Why would I be?”

“I have no clue. It sounded like he might know something that you are going to find out when we get to the hospital.”

Buck felt numb, but he knew it would last for a while. It was the worst thing in the world that he had ever been a part of, and right now, he just wanted to call Guentzel and talk to him. It would have to wait until he had figured out what was going on.

There was no talk on the way to the hospital, which Buck was glad about. He couldn’t breathe when he saw Athena waiting for him outside of the ER doors. Buck looked at Derek, who just shook his head. Buck sighed, and he got out. He had a feeling that Derek did know what was up but wasn’t going to tell him.

“Athena,” Buck said.

“Buck, come on inside. This is not exactly something that we normally deal with, but the doctor settled everything in as much as possible. So, this is gonna be a shock.”

Buck wasn’t sure that he could be shocked until he stepped into the elevator, and they came out on the maternity level. However, he wasn’t taken to Sharon’s room. He was taken to where the babies were in their cots behind glass.

“Little Emma is just fine. She’s got a good score, and she’s doing just fine. On the other hand, her mother had complications that you never would have been able to notice. The ER doctors here didn’t until it was too late. She died but had time to pick who she wanted her kid to go to. There was a notary who took care of it and witnesses. You are now the proud father of a kid you helped deliver.”

“Sharon is dead?” Buck asked.

“Yes. One of the nurses has a video for you from her. She will email it to you as soon as I get an email address for you to give to her. You are already added. Once the news hit, I knew that you were the one who had done this. I wish I had been there to help you when you came out. You look like you have been through the wars.”

“I feel like it.” Buck looked inside, and he looked at the babies. He found the one he had delivered with ease, even though some said they all look alike. Little Emma didn’t. She was pale skinned and her hair was the same pitch black it had been when delivered her. He wanted to hold her. “What was Sharon’s last name?”

“She told the hospital yours.”

“What’s Sharon’s last name, Athena?”

“Grace,” Athena said.

“Emma Grace Buckley.”

“That’s a good name. A good strong name. Are you going to do it?”

“I can’t deny a dying woman her last wish. She had to have seen something in me that she trusted with her only child. What about the father?”

“She did sperm donation, according to her. We are checking that. Do you want to hold her?”

“Yes and no. I need…I need to get this all figured out. I need a lawyer, don’t I?”

“I’ll figure that part out, talk to a few people, find a good family lawyer who is willing to do this pro bono to make sure it’s all done right. You worry about you and that baby. I’ll get a hold of Bobby and have him come to you here. What do you need?”

“Right now? Time to breathe. I was just trying to wrap my head around things.”

“What about that therapist of yours? I heard you talking about him.”

“Yeah, I’ll give him a call.”

“Maybe he’ll come here to you. What do you think about that?”

—

Buck looked out the window of the room he had been shown to so he could have some time with his daughter. He looked over as the door opened and Guentzel came in. The man took one look at Buck with the baby, and he looked at his watch.

“I’ll clear my afternoon to talk with you. I have no one who requires me today other than you. Is here fine?”

“Yeah, they gave me this room to have for the day while the paperwork is figured out and I’m allowed to leave with her. I am pretty happy to have it. I think it’s a step-down room. Like for ones who need monitoring but not like a lot of it.”

“So tell me what is going on here.”

“Uh, sure. Have you watched the news today?”

“Sure, I saw the news report about the hold-up today. Your crew was one of the ones sent for that.”

“Yeah, they were, but I was in there shopping.”

“You have the most interesting luck. So you were there for it and helped people?”

“I did. As much as I could. They were really gun-happy, and in the end, I didn’t save nearly as many people as I would like. I did, however, deliver little Emma here. She’s now an orphan, but I guess I made such an impression that she left her kid to me as the mother lay dying. So here I was with this kid, and I’m not even sure what the hell to do.”

“Are you going to have to move?” Guentzel asked.

Buck looked at him to see that he had settled down on the far side of the room. “You can come closer and look at her if you want to.”

“I’m good over here for right now. That might change later. Back to my question.”

“I don’t think so. I have more than enough room in my bedroom for her to have stuff. It’s gonna be a while before she is in a different bed. I might be able to make a little room up there for her as well. I have one large open area, like a sitting room set up in, but I don’t need that. I barely used it, but I hated it looking empty. It could be the room for someone with kids after this. Tommy’s gonna keep the house even if he settles down with someone and they move out. He would like to find someone who doesn’t mind living like that. I think he really likes the whole living together that firefighters do while on shift. I like it as well.”

Guentzel smiled at Buck’s tacked-on words. Buck figured that he would. He was happy living like that as well. He wouldn’t mind finding someone who would like to live like that as well, or at least close to there.

“So, how much time do you think you can get off?”

“I’m gonna ask for a month. I’ll get the paperwork all done and figure out babysitting for when I am on shift. I don’t want my roommates to do all of it.”

“Unless they want to.”

“Why would they want to?” Buck asked.

“Buck, you have friends, and what you have told me about them tells me that they are all about helping people. I bet they would rather you used them than to go from nanny to nanny while you work, and poor Emma is left floundering with a barrage of strangers that don’t stick around. You and she deserve the time to find someone who is going to love that little girl as much as you do.”

“How can you love someone from the second you meet them?”

“Parents ask themselves that all the time.”

Buck swallowed, and he sighed. This just proved to him again that his parents didn’t love him. He had only ever touched on that a little in therapy, but now he felt like he needed to do more about that. He needed to have an open and honest conversation about it.

“My parents didn’t love me,” Buck said.

“Why do you say that?” Guentzel asked.

Buck was shocked that the man didn’t push that his parents loved him, that all parents loved their kids. Every time Buck brought up his parents with anyone else, he was told that.

“A lot of stuff. I was never a priority; Maddie was but only in certain things. When she started to date Doug and brought him home the first time, they acted like doting parents. It didn’t make Doug happy, though. I wasn’t even a thought in their mind. I have people who are all but strangers like me better than I ever felt like my parents did. I just don’t understand it. I hold Emma, and all I can think of is that she is the most important person in the world to me.”

“There are a fair number of people in the world that have children who never should. Many people think that the only abuse that can happen is physical. They don’t believe or want to believe in mental or emotional abuse. I can see you are afraid, so Buck, lay it on me. Let’s work through something to make sure that you don’t freak out about being a father.”

—

Buck jerked awake when he heard something. He looked at Emma, who was asleep in the spot on the bed. There was a bolster to keep her from falling off and another around her other side to keep Buck from rolling onto her. They had been discharged in the early evening after ensuring that she was fine and it was too late for Buck to head out. The nurses had made sure he had enough stuff for a few days to give him time to get everything.

The sound happened again, and Buck frowned. He looked back at the door to his room, but there was no one there. On his pan across the room, he did see some stuff in his living room area. He frowned as that was not his stuff. He only saw Tommy coming into the room out of the corner of his eye when he laid his head down again.

“Are you awake?” Tommy asked.

“Tommy?” Buck asked. He rubbed at his eyes and tried to wake up all the way. He was exhausted and just wanted to sleep more.

“Yeah, it’s me. Ming’s ready to take the munchkin and feed and change her while you get some more sleep. I just didn’t want to take her away from you without asking you.”

“So you’ve been staring at me?”

“Nah, I’ve been working on getting things moved around in here to get the crib set up while being all quiet-like. Making only a little noise to get your attention. Are you good with me taking her?”

“Yeah, is she awake?”

“Only for about two minutes. So, how are you feeling?”

“Like I need eight more hours of sleep. Let me get two?”

“Two, you got it.”

Buck watched as Tommy picked up Emma, and then he closed his eyes. He needed just a little more sleep, and then he would get up and take care of his daughter.

When Buck woke up for good, he showered as quickly as he could before heading down to find where his daughter was. He stopped at the sight of a lot of shit in the hallway that was ready to head up to his room. The changing table was fucking adorable with soft greens and yellows all over it. He touched wood and smiled. There was a crib as well, but it wasn’t put together. There were piles of diapers and what looked like half a clothes store.

Buck hadn’t talked to anyone when he had come home the night before. He had been prepared to sleep with her in bed with him as he had looked up the best way to do that. He had seen the eyes of his roommates on him as he had come in, but he had been tired as hell. He had a month of paternity leave; Bobby had texted that early afternoon once Buck had told him that he had taken the baby.

The kitchen was full of laughter from many of those in the house. Buck looked around as he came in and found them all standing around as Tommy fed Emma. There was a high chair thing with a bassinet sitting on it right now, and it had a stuffed fox inside it.

“What is this?” Buck asked.

Tommy looked up, and he smiled. “Well, this is what we have all done to help you get ready to take care of this one. We have a new board. Derek worked on it. It shows where you will need care for the sprite if you need to do something you can’t take her with you. It’s up beside the board for chores in the hallway.”

“I’m not going to be kicked out?”

“Nope,” Shawn said as he walked over to look over Tommy’s shoulder. “We’ve debated about someone trying to adopt a kid who wants one but not a partner, to kind of share. You got one legit like, so it’s great.”

“Legit-like?” Buck asked. “That’s some good cop words there.”

“Eh, I’m off today. I can be the fun uncle who starts to teach her all about bad TV and throwing popcorn at said TV.”

Buck shook his head, and he looked at everyone in the room. Ming looked like she was okay, just staying where she was as far from the baby as possible. Buck hoped that no one really hated babies.

“Shawn bought a Pack ‘n’ Play that we can move from room to room based on who is watching her.”

“You guys really went all-in on this, didn’t you?”

“Eh, you have the hard part still to do. You will need to get the papers filed, deal with the red tape. We can at least do what we can to help you,” Tommy said.

Buck nodded his head, and he grabbed a bottle of water that was set on the counter. He checked to make sure it wasn’t open. “What’s for lunch?”

“We have pizza coming. We are all hungry as hell and don’t really want to cook,” Ming said as she came into the room.

“Good. Good. Can I have my daughter?” Buck asked.

“When she’s done eating, you can burp her.”

Buck laughed, and he flipped Tommy off before he sat down. He realized that everyone was helping with food prep for dinner. It looked like it would be either a roast or a stew. The three crockpots were already on the counter and ready to be filled. Buck snagged a cutting board from the stack and started to work on some carrots. He watched as the carrots were cut up, which meant it was a stew. He started to work on the carrots he had. Then before he could clean up more, a few cleaned carrots were dropped onto the cutting board for him to cut up. He didn’t mind that part, getting through cutting them up quicker than people could clean them and drop them.

“I always forget how good you are with that,” Shawn said.

“Bobby made sure that I knew knife skills before I did anything in the kitchen at the station. I kind of like it. It’s almost like a zen state for me most of the time with it. So beef stew?”

“I found some good stew meat on sale at the store and snagged it, but it needed to be used today. So a lot of stew that will be eaten over the next few days, if it lasts today.”

“Hmm, I’m gonna be very hungry, so it might not last the night,” Buck said.

“Let’s hope they last the night,” Ming said.

A few of the people around the island laughed.

“What is that from? You guys only laugh when you are quoting something.”

“The Two Towers,” Derek said.

Buck gave him a strange look.

“Lord of the Rings? Have you never seen it?”

“No, I haven’t.”

“Okay, so that’s added to the list to be watched as soon as possible. Maybe we can swing the first after we get dinner going. While eating pizza.”

“The whole thing, all three extended movies are just about eleven and a half hours, Buck.”

“What?” Buck asked as he nearly choked on the water he was drinking.

“The first is just about three and a half hours. The second is about three hours and forty minutes. The third is about four hours and ten minutes.”

“And these were in theaters?”

“Well, no, but the ones in theaters were at or around three hours.”

“Dear Lord, I thought that Titanic was horrible to sit through when Maddie wanted to watch it. If I never have to see that again, I’ll be happy.”

“Okay, we are taking Titanic off the watch list,” Stella said.

“There is a list?”

“Well, yes. And it has who wants to watch it the most with you. We can go over the list at a later point in time and figure out what you have seen and what you have not.”

“Sure, I’ll be here a lot with Emma.” Buck looked at where Tommy pulled the bottle from Emma’s mouth and then came around the island to hand her over. Buck laid the knife down, and he wiped his hands before taking her.

Buck looked down at his daughter, holding her to his body as he burped her and ensuring she wouldn’t get fussy. Once she was fully settled, Buck stood up with her and walked over to the doors looking into the backyard.

“Hey, we are home, baby girl. In a place where they love us for who we are and not who they want us to be.”

Buck pressed a kiss to her forehead, and he smiled. This hadn’t been in his plans, but he was happy with it. He would love her. He would make sure that she never doubted that she was loved.

—

Buck snagged his bag as he looked into the backseat of the Jeep. Emma’s seat was empty, but that was okay. He would see her for dinner with Shawn promising to bring her to him to see her his first day back. He was happy about that. It had been hard to leave her when he couldn’t wait any longer, or he would be late.

Scott was the first person he saw as he came around the side from the firefighter parking.

“There he is,” Scott said, and he opened his arms for a hug.

“Scott, you saw me two days ago.”

“I know, but I miss having a guy running around carrying big sticks and looking hot.”

Buck laughed as he pulled back from the hug. He snagged the strap of his bag that had fallen when he had hugged Scott. Hen was there to hug him right after he walked into the station house.

After Hen, it was just the ones who wanted to shake his hand. Buck was happy to be home. He looked up at Bobby standing at the top of the stairs. He looked happy to see Buck, which was a good thing. Buck knew that Bobby hadn’t been happy that Buck had taken in Emma, but after everything, Buck felt like maybe it was what he was supposed to do. He wasn’t even supposed to be in that shop. He had gone there for one thing on the list of stuff that Bobby wanted.

“How are you feeling being away from Emma?” Scott asked as he settled in beside Buck at the table to eat breakfast.

“Ask me in a few hours. She’s already figured out that Noah and I are her favorite people in the world. She tolerates Derek on a good day. It’s hilarious because at night, when she’s cranky and needs sleep, she will fall asleep on him. Only him when it’s after two in the morning and only with her able to touch skin. I have never seen so many people running around shirtless. Emma wants skin all the time. It’s nice, don’t get me wrong, but it’s all she wants.”

“Some babies are like that. My son was,” Bobby said.

“She loves it, and I don’t mind giving it to her. I am just glad that she’s settling down a little. She wasn’t bad off after her birth, but her mother’s death has affected her in some way. She knows that her mother died. She’ll know that forever.”

“What have you found out about her mother?”

“The CPS lady has made sure that I have pictures and the like. Her best friend is going through her things to find anything. The friend never wanted kids, so she’s not fighting anything. She just wants to see Emma every once in a while. I can easily take her up on that. She knows she’s allowed at my house whenever she wants. She came by last week; I think she might be talked into moving in. She likes the basement room that is open and is kind of excited about living in a place where she’s never really alone.”

“Kinard likes to acquire them. What does she do?”

“Lawyer, family lawyer. She’s the one who set the stuff for Sharon’s kid. She’s the one who made sure that Sharon’s last wishes went through.”

“What’s her name?” Hen asked.

“Lily Green. She’s a fun woman. Five feet nothing but swings a bigger-” Buck stopped, and he looked around. “Well, she’s got a bigger dick than I do. I don’t want to ever meet her in a dark alley.”

“Sounds like my kind of woman,” Hen said.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought as well. She’s gonna come with Shawn if she can get out of court on time today for dinner here.”

“Well, you did explain we might not be here, right?” Bobby asked as he handed over a platter of fried potatoes.

“Yes, I did. Shawn knows that well. He’s a cop. He will keep her entertained or the man behind will. Lily can entertain herself.”

“So, how is that working? You’ve never said,” Scott asked.

“How is what working?” Buck asked. He handed over the potatoes and took the bowl of eggs next. There was no real talking as everyone filled up their plates with food.

“Sorry, I got distracted. I don’t want to be slapped by Hen again for taking too long with the bacon.”

“Well, that’s your own fault. You do take too long to pick bacon.”

“I’m sorry if I like perfectly cooked bacon.”

“Well, like it less perfectly cooked so I can eat.”

Scott actually stuck his tongue out at Hen for that, and he passed over the plate of bacon. He took the plate with the ham and passed it around Hen as Hen didn’t like ham for breakfast. “Anyway, how does that work with your living situation?”

Buck chuckled, and he started to dig into his food. He regaled the whole table with the full story of what he had woken up to after bringing Emma home. He shoved food into his mouth and chewed as fast as he could so that he could eat as much as he could.

Just as almost everyone was finishing up eating, the alarm went off. Buck shoved the last two bites into his mouth and rushed to get ready. He watched as Scott dropped what was left of his food into a tortilla and wrapped it up. Just as he was going for the pole, he saw a few others doing it as well, wrapping it up to keep it as warm and together as it could be. It was a great idea. Buck would have to remember that. It would make it easy to eat while on the trip to whatever emergency was coming.

Buck dropped his helmet into his turnout locker and started to slip his jacket off. He pressed his head against the metal and just breathed. Of course, the first thing they were called out on was a five-alarm fire.

“Well, the universe decided to give you a huge “fuck you, Buckley” about coming back, huh?” Scott asked.

“Yeah. That’s what I’m gonna call that. I’ll head into the shower. I need to wash this smell off. I’m not used to it like I used to be.” Buck turned to the showers, and he was glad that he could just get it all off of him. He was happy to be back at work. He felt like he was going to take time to get settled in. It was just the way it was. He was kind of glad to have such a big thing for the first thing. It meant a lot of work when he had been kind of lax on that front. He had stayed fit, but working was different than just working out.

Buck felt better after his shower. He rubbed at his hair as he looked in the mirror. He had a smile on his face despite being tired as hell. Dinner had been brought to them all at the fire, and it was now close to midnight. No one would be there to give Buck his time with Emma.

“How are you feeling?” Bobby asked when Buck finished dressing and left the locker room. Everyone else had showered and was out of there before he had. He had taken his time, and no one was going to give him shit for that. He needed that few minutes.

“Good. I’m tired as hell, but I need a snack, and then it’s bed for me.”

“How are your arms? You were on the hoses for a long time.”

“I can take that, Bobby. Carrying Emma around has really helped with that. I’m good.”

“That’s good. Let’s go up and get a snack. Scott started making something quick and easy.”

Buck allowed Bobby to pull him along behind him.

A squeal had Buck looking around for Emma as there was no way that he was hearing what he thought he was. Then he saw Shawn and Lily standing at the island with Scott talking. Buck didn’t think of anything but get Emma in his arms. He plucked her out of Shawn’s arms and brought her up to smell. He needed that smell in his nose.

“Okay, that’s adorable and hot,” Scott said.

Buck ignored as he knew Scott was talking about him. He didn’t care at all.

“Someone needs to take that baby from him before my ovaries explode,” Hen said.

“I bet you ten bucks that you can’t get that baby from him,” Scott said.

“Yeah, I’ll chip in ten on that,” Metson yelled from over by the fridge.

Buck turned to look at Metson and grinned as he walked over.

“Nope, I’m gonna go,” Metson said.

Buck laughed as Metson ran away, heading for the bunks. He turned around, and there was Hen, and he just raised an eye and moved Emma to where Hen couldn’t get her. “Nope. Not right now. Maybe later.”

“Later when?”

“The next time she’s brought over. I need my girl right now.” Buck pressed a kiss to Emma’s head, and he started to move around the room.

“She just finished eating, so she’ll pass out soon,” Lily said.

“Oh, shit, sorry, Lils,” Buck said.

“No, it’s fine. Shawn pointed out who was who to me already. You had your eyes on one thing, and that’s okay. First day without your girl. It’s got to be hard.”

“It really is. Now, I’m gonna go and show my girl around.” Buck needed a few minutes of just the two of them. He cradled Emma to his chest, knowing that she probably wanted skin but unwilling to run around in the bay without a shirt unless he was washing the truck.

“This is where I work, Ems. Ems. That’s great. Ems, EMS. Anyway, these are the things that take me around town. I sometimes get to drive them. That training was fun. I’m glad that I didn’t wreck anything.”

Buck kept up a steady stream of words, and he kissed Emma’s head often, waiting for her to go to sleep. She passed out when Buck was telling her all about the ambulance and what was in there.

“I’ve never seen a kid who fell asleep like that,” Bobby said. He stepped over to where Buck was and brushed at the hair on Emma’s head. “She’s got full trust in you, despite the moving around and the speech. You’ve done well with her over the last little while. I’m proud of you, Buck, for stepping up when you didn’t have to and making her part of your family, even if that family is a lot different from what I am used to. I’ll get used to it.”

“Thanks, Bobby.” Buck felt a swell of happiness at Bobby’s words. Despite the rocky start, Buck was finding his footing here at the 118. It was enough that he was happy to have it at all. It was all he needed.

The End

 

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