Reading Time: 156 Minutes

Title: We Can’t Choose Family
Series: Like Ripples From a Small Stone
Series Order: 3
Author: DarkJediQueen
Fandom: 9-1-1
Genre: Drama, Family, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Slash
Relationship(s): Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Content Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Violence – Graphic , Discussion-Rape
Author Note: Eddie’s sister’s name is spelled Sophia in canon. I’ve changed it to Sofia.
Beta: ScarsLikeVelvet & Starkindler, Alpha: Starkindler
Word Count: 38,851
Summary: Buck’s glad for the family he chose because the family that he was born into was giving him too much grief.
Artist: Tintalle
Artist Appreciation: A big thanks to Tintalle who made me such beautiful art.

 

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Chapter One

The last thing that Buck remembered before the world went to shit was trying to figure out why Bobby was calling them. He remembered Eddie’s laughter before that. Then there was darkness and then screaming. It took a few minutes for Buck to realize that the screaming was him, and he was in pain. He tried to find Eddie because there was no way that Eddie wouldn’t be the one coming to him. He saw movement, and it took a little while for his eyes to adjust to what he could see. He saw the hand holding the switch. He saw the bulk of the outfit.

The truck had been blown up. Eddie could be dead. He couldn’t see the ambulance. He couldn’t see anything but the man in front of him holding a switch that would blow him up. Buck tried to move, but as he did, he felt it. That pain he had been trying to stay away from was back, and it was so horrible. It made Buck nearly blackout.

“EDDIE!” Buck yelled as loud as he could as the pain became so much that his body was trying to fight him on what he was doing.

“I’m here,” Eddie said as he touched Buck’s face with gloves on.

“Skin,” Buck said.

“No, I don’t want to risk a single thing. I want to touch, too, but I can’t, please.”

Eddie felt his heart in his throat as he gripped Buck’s hand, and he looked at Hen. He just wanted to get Buck out from under this. He looked at where the truck was on Buck’s leg. The truck was cracked, and things were not where they normally were. He still could only go through all of the things that Buck would run the risk of happening to him.

“Well, we have now been both blown up. Though you might be worse for the wear than what I faced.”

“Did you just compare this to being shot down in Afghanistan?” Hen asked.

“I did. It didn’t work the way I wanted because, for some stupid reason, I assumed that Buck would spout off the chances of being blown up at work here in LA,” Eddie said.

“Well, you can ask him after he’s drugged up and out of surgery,” Hen said.

Eddie looked as the team tried to lift the truck; it didn’t budge enough at all for them to pull Buck out. Buck screamed, and Eddie almost wished for him to pass out. It would be so much better but also so much worse. If he passed out, they would have to deal with guessing. Eddie was so focused on Buck that he had no clue what was being done about getting this fucking thing off Buck until there was the sound of running feet. He looked behind to see people flooding toward them. They had broken down the barricades keeping them back a safe distance.

The people all found spots, even if all they could get was a single hand around a bit of the upper area of the truck. Eddie focused on Buck, getting a good hold on him again that would allow them to get him out as fast as they could.

“Can you pull? I’ll make sure his leg doesn’t bleed out or anything like that,” Hen said.

“I’ve got him.”

“Good.”

It was all a blur after that. Getting Buck on the gurney and then into the ambulance to get him where he needed to go. No matter what anyone thought, Eddie’s job wasn’t ending at the doors. He was going into the hospital with Buck if it was the last thing he did. He held onto Buck’s hand as the man faded in and out, his body trying to send too many signals to his brain. The flight response had to be huge.

“Is Emma okay?” Buck asked.

“She wasn’t with you, Buck. She’s safe at home with Stella. She’s fine.”

“Protect her,” Buck said.

“She’s just fine.”

“No, you take her. Protect her. You’ll love her just as much as I do.”

Eddie was still as the words filled his mind. He gripped Buck’s hand even tighter and moved to where he was able to force Buck to look at him as much as he could with how Buck was not all there.

“You aren’t going to die. You feel like you should, and you feel like you want to with the pain, but you’ll live. You will live, and you will hold your daughter again.”

“Please, protect her.”

Eddie sighed, and he cupped the side of Buck’s face with his hand. “I will love and protect her but only with you right at my side. You are not allowed to give up. You cannot leave her alone in this world. I won’t have you dimming the light and love that is inside of her. Do you understand me, Evan Christopher Buckley?”

“Yes, Edmundo Wilhelm Diaz,” Buck said. His eyes clear for at least a few seconds.

“Who told you that?” Eddie asked. He laughed, though, because if Buck could pull that out, he wasn’t as far gone in the pain as Eddie thought he was. He looked at Hen while he waited for Buck to answer.

“Abuela loves me, and she heard you three name me, so she gave me what I needed to be able to three name you.”

“I’ll have to have words with her.”

“You do that. Are we almost there?” Buck asked.

Eddie looked up to see that they were pulling into the ER. He looked at Hen, who nodded her head and cupped Eddie’s shoulder.

“We will head back; you stay with him. Someone is going to have to keep him calm. He’s going to ask for Emma a lot.”

Eddie got the gurney ready to be gotten out of the back, and he listened to Hen as she rattled off what was wrong with Buck as well as his vitals as the doctors got close. Eddie realized that this was more staff than were normally on a rescue call. He wondered if it was because it was Buck or just because of what happened to him.

“Maddie’s working tonight. I’m sure she knows about this, but please call her.”

“I will. You worry about him. We will all worry about everything else.”

Eddie wasn’t going to fight on that. He saw something in Hen’s eye that said that Hen knew more than Eddie wanted her to know about how he felt right now.

Everything that came after was Eddie trying to figure out what was going on and being rebuffed since he wasn’t Buck’s emergency contact or his medical power of attorney. Eddie knew that Buck had been in the process of getting things ready to change that. He wasn’t even sure who it was. Buck hadn’t mentioned that part of it all.

“DI!” Emma screeched.

Eddie turned his head in time to catch Emma as she barreled at him. Eddie picked her up, and he put her right to his chest, holding on tight. Tommy was just behind, going at a pace to match Chris.

“What are you doing here?” Eddie asked.

“I had to be here, and when I stopped to get you clothes, Chris was awake and was looking at me like a lost puppy. Emma had just woken up, and it just made sense. Derek’s parking the car. He’s gonna stay as well to help explain shit to me about what is going on.”

“You are his medical power of attorney?”

“Yes. My captain told me to go as soon as he was gotten out. Your phone ain’t on.”

“It’s in the ambulance. I wasn’t even thinking of it.”

“Ah, that explains it all. Well, Stella’s handling things like a champ and keeping your grandmother up to date. She showed up as I was leaving. I’ll let her know that she can call me until we can get your phone.”

“How are you doing, mijo?”

“I was watching the news with Stella because I was having trouble sleeping. I woke up about the time the bomb went off, Stella thinks. We got you clothes, and we have stuff for Buck. Derek’s going to bring them in since Tommy got the diaper bag. How is Bucky?”

“He’s in surgery, and so far, he’s fine. Tommy is the one who is going to find out more information. Come sit with me, mijo,” Eddie said. He patted the seat next to him and was glad he had sat on the bench-style seats.

Chris did sit down, and he cuddled into Eddie’s side.

“I hope you’re not upset that I brought him.”

“Nah, it’s kind of nice to have him in my sights. Buck was asking about Emma. I think he was a little out of it and worried he had been in a wreck, not that he had been.” Eddie stopped speaking as he had no clue what to say.

“Blown up,” Chris said in a very small voice.

“Here, let me have Emma,” Tommy said.

“No, dad needs to hold her,” Chris said.

Tommy raised his hands up in a peaceful way. Eddie moved Emma to where she was curled into him, and he was able to hold her by one hand and wrap his other around Chris. Chris tucked himself in closer.

“See,” Chris said.

Eddie could see that Tommy regretted bringing Chris, but Eddie didn’t. It was better than anyone else dealing with Chris as he was right now.

“Go see what they will tell you. I’ll take care of these two.”

Tommy slung the diaper bag down onto the seat beside Eddie, and he headed away toward the nurses’ desk.

“I didn’t mean to be mean.”

“It’s okay, mijo. You are emotional. We all are. You didn’t do it to be mean, and that is all that matters. Tommy is not upset; he was just trying to make it to where I could comfort you.”

“I know, but Emma wants you.”

Eddie was pretty sure that Emma didn’t care. She knew something was wrong but wouldn’t mind any of the normal people watching her.

“And where is Carla?”

“Well, she’s working with the rest of the people in Buck’s house to make him up an area to sleep on the ground floor and making sure that Emma has a bed down there as well.”

“Oh, I guess I assumed he would just stay with us.”

“They were debating that. We need to make sure that everyone knows it’s an option. It’s not like it would be that hard for him to head over to hang out there if you are working. I can help take care of him too.”

“Well, we will have to talk to everyone about that. I wish I had my phone.”

“Ask, and you shall receive,” Athena said.

Eddie looked up to see her standing by herself. She had the phone in her hand, holding it out to him.

Eddie took the phone, and he looked at the missed calls, texts, and just a flood of things on his phone. He found the chat thread from the house and texted them that Buck could stay with him. His guest room had enough room. He texted Carla the same thing. A kissy face emoji was the first thing he got back from Stella in the chat.

“I know exactly where I am going, thank you,” Derek said as he got off the elevator.

Eddie laughed as he took in the pair of nurses who were with him. Eddie was pretty sure that Derek was rarely ever in the part of this hospital, and he was in a pair of jeans that made his ass look good, and the T-shirt he was wearing left little to the imagination.

“How is Buck?” Derek asked.

“Tommy’s finding out right now. He’ll tell us as soon as he knows anything, I hope.” Eddie looked at his phone again and decided he would read most of the stuff later. He would let Tommy handle telling everyone that they had everything in common, and then he would handle the 118. He looked up at Athena and felt a little shame for ignoring her. “Sorry.”

“You are fine. You’ve got your hands full. Literally and figuratively. I’m just here because Bobby is giving a statement, and he was too focused on Buck to be of any good, so I told him I would come here and deal with everything here while he does what he needs. Hen’s chomping at the bit to be here but there, the stuff with the cops is not going well.”

“Shouldn’t I be giving a statement?”

“Oh, Eddie, you weren’t focused on anything but Buck. The only thing you can give a report on is his welfare, and we all know it. I’m sure that a cop will talk to you at some point. But you are where you need to be. It’s not like you had any part in this at all. They are looking into how the device got on the truck. It blew up from underneath. I know that. There was worry it had been planted on the road, but the debris and the hole say no. The footage from close buildings is still waiting to get a hold of. Just to make sure they can say yes or no on how it blew up.”

“It’s probably B-shift. They have been written up for that shit before. Leaving the doors open and there not being anyone in sight of them. We’ve caught them like that when arriving for work in the morning. Hell, there was one time that Chim actually made it all the way out of the building with a rig before, from what I hear. Heads are going to roll if it is confirmed that the bomb blew downward.” Eddie really hoped that it wasn’t the case.

“Someone is looking at the footage from the station to see if they can catch him going in there.”

“Well, it’s been less than a week since the underside was checked for wear and tear. So it has to be the last week, and if it’s not there, then it’s any call-out we have been on.”

“Eddie, focus on Buck.”

—

Eddie laid down with Emma on his chest without a shirt on. She was freaked out and upset that she couldn’t be on Buck. Chris was asleep in the bed with Buck. The nurses had put Buck in an overly large bed when he had gotten out of surgery. Chris had been so freaked out to see his leg up in the sling that it was in. Eddie wasn’t too happy about it, but he at least had enough of a grasp to understand that it was best for Buck.

“Does she need anything?” Buck’s main nurse asked as she came into the room to check on Buck. She looked down at Chris as she touched Buck’s nose cannula to make sure that it was in where it was supposed to be.

“No, she’s a pretty happy camper right now. Well, as much as she can be with not being able to be on Buck.”

“I was here the day that she and her mother were brought in with Buck there in the background. I remembered it, and that’s why I asked to be his nurse. It was my last rotation in the ER. We were watching, you know. It was everywhere. We weren’t able to move to any local channel without seeing it. The doctor was able to save the leg, and we are happy about that.”

“He’ll be happy when he wakes up as well.”

“Psst,” a man said.

Eddie looked over to see it was another nurse who was looking at Buck’s nurse.

“We have an issue. Is Firefighter Diaz awake?”

“He is,” Eddie said.

“Oh, hello. Sorry. I didn’t even notice you being awake. I have a lady here who is demanding to get news from the doctor, who is not here right now, and she’s acting like she’s doing to wake the whole place.”

“Um…I can’t…” Eddie sat up, and he held onto Emma.

The new nurse walked over. “I’m getting ready to check on my patient in the next room. She’s gonna love seeing a baby. I just need to get vitals, and I can do that one-armed. You might need Jessica with you, or I would say she could take her.”

Eddie nodded, and he handed Emma over. Emma barely paid attention to the swap.

“She’s good with that, huh?” the man asked.

“Yeah, she’s used to being passed around. She has a massive group that watches her when they can. Buck has a nanny for when everyone wants a break. So yeah, she’s good with being passed around.” Eddie grabbed his shirt and slipped it on before going to the door with Jessica.

“Once I check on my lady, I’ll come back in case Chris wakes up. He won’t be alone long.”

Eddie nodded, and he slipped out, following Jessica to a waiting area outside the recovery area. He found Maddie sitting there. He had let Tommy handle Maddie because Tommy knew what Buck wanted when it came to his sister.

“Eddie, I was expecting Tommy.”

“Tommy’s getting some sleep in so that I can head home in the morning and take care of Chris and Emma as well as get some sleep.”

“Tommy won’t answer me about Emma. She should be with family.”

“She is with family, the family that Buck wants her to be with. Buck’s not awake yet.”

“No one would tell me anything.”

“That’s because the medical staff is only talking to his medical power of attorney, and he gave you the update already.”

“Tommy? Why am I not Buck’s person?”

“I can’t answer that. Why did you come here?”

“I thought they were wrong about if I should be the one making decisions on what to do with Buck. I’m a nurse.”

“And Tommy had Derek, who has been a nurse for a long time. He gave the facts to Tommy, and Tommy chose what to do. I had no part in that. I was keeping the kids calm.”

“What’s going on?”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you anything other than what Tommy has already told you. It’s not my place.”

“He’s my brother,” Maddie said.

“Yes, I’m well aware of that, but Maddie, you have to understand. Tommy is doing what Buck wishes, and you haven’t been in his life. What you need to know is what you have been told, and what you want to know is nothing that I care about.”

“I watched him being crushed.”

“I had to see the truck getting blown up and see him in person. Hear him begging me to help him. Do you think that we will ignore his wishes because you feel upset about seeing him crushed?” Eddie knew that Maddie had a lot of thoughts on Buck’s life. “If the nurses allow it, you can come in and see him for a few minutes. He’s still asleep. They don’t think he’ll wake up for a little while longer.”

“I’m going to stay with him until he’s awake,” Maddie said.

“No, I promised Tommy that I would be staying here, and they are already kind of ignoring that the kids and I are here. You get a few minutes, and then you can go home and get some sleep. I understand the want to see him after that. He’ll be fine, though. He’ll make it through and work on coming back to work.”

“There is no way he’ll be able to work again,” Maddie said.

Eddie stood up, and he waved Maddie toward the door. He wasn’t going to fight about that with her. It wasn’t his place. It wasn’t her place to make that decision either. That was all on Buck, and Eddie was sure that he would be itching to get back to work as soon as possible. With Emma in his life, he might make a different decision. It was a fifty/fifty thing in Eddie’s mind. He would help Buck do whatever job he wanted, though.

“I can see by your face you don’t think that I’m right.”

“The doctor said it’s possible and is already working on a plan to get him back to work as soon as possible. You don’t get to make those decisions for him, Maddie.”

“You don’t either.”

“No, but I’m not turning a blind eye to how much he loves this job. There was a point when he thought that it was the only thing good in his life, but he’s changed. He now knows that Emma is the person in his life that he needs to live for.”

“And he could die doing this job.”

“He could die crossing the street. This accident was a freak thing. It could have been any of us under the truck. We were moved around in the trucks. One of us could have been more under the truck. There is nothing that could have been done to stop this. Do not lay your angst at seeing him like he was on him. That’s your emotion to work through. He loves you, but you have to control yourself.”

Maddie huffed and looked at Jessica.

Eddie had kind of forgotten about her. His mind was too focused on Buck to be useful to anything but keeping his thoughts on him. He needed to settle in and get things straight in his head. He wasn’t going to be useful to Buck acting like this. The nurse was in the room sitting on the edge of the bed with Emma in his arms. Emma was still asleep, and the nurse got up to hand over Emma as soon as he saw Emma. He glared at Maddie before leaving the room.

Jessica grabbed the door handle. “She has five minutes, and then she’s gone.”

“You are allowing him to stay,” Maddie said.

“Yes, and he’s going to sleep on the bed with the baby, and Chris is in bed with Buck. Where are you going to sleep? In the way? No. And he’s the one that Buck’s medical power of attorney asked to be here. You are not. You’ve already upset my staff, and if you were really that in touch with being a nurse, you would understand this protocol and know that pissing us off means, you don’t get anything special unless your brother asks for it. He’s a sweetheart, so I’m sure that most of us will bend over backward.”

Maddie opened her mouth and then shut it when Jessica glared at her.

“Your five minutes started the moment you questioned me.” Jessica left and shut the door just loud enough that Eddie could hear it.

Eddie settled on the bed again, laughing a little as Emma tried to find skin. She was so damned skin hungry right now, but Eddie wasn’t taking his shirt off. He debated opening the front of Buck’s gown and lying her down there for a few minutes. He had requested an open at the front and back gown for Buck to do that if he needed.

“He’s so still. He’s rarely ever still,” Maddie said. She walked around the bed to touch Buck’s cheek. There were tears in her eyes.

Eddie understood her feelings. He would feel much like her if one of his sisters were in the hospital after something traumatic. He would make sure to not put his feelings on his sibling, though, and it seemed like it was all that Maddie could do. She still saw the little boy that Buck had been when she left to go to college. He wasn’t letting him grow up, and she thought she needed to protect him.

“Tommy called your parents and left a voicemail saying something that had happened to Buck, and they needed to call him back,” Eddie said.

“Did he say Buck?” Maddie asked.

“Yes.”

“My parents refuse to call anyone by a nickname, even a diminutive of their name. Evan was never allowed to be called Ev or anything like that. They named me Maddie for the same reason.”

“Well, that’s some shit,” Eddie said.

Maddie looked at him like she was shocked. “It’s the way they are.”

“That’s like saying that what they want overrides what someone else wants for themselves. That they have a right to dismiss someone’s feelings because they don’t like it. Refusing to call someone by a name they request is shitty as fuck.”

“Dad?” Chris asked. He moved only slightly, keeping his legs still.

“Sorry, mijo, it’s just me and Buck’s sister, Maddie.”

“Okay,” Chris said as he dropped back down to settle down into the bed. He laid his arm over Buck’s stomach and then moved it up to where it was over Buck’s heart.

“Buck loves kids; he always has. He tried to adopt a neighbor’s baby once when he was ten. He told me about it. He then became the lady’s helper. He wasn’t ever left alone with the baby, but when the lady was cleaning around the house or just wanted some time alone. Her husband was in the Navy, and she stayed where her family was. She loved having time to do what she wanted around the house. She had a babysitter for when she went out and did other things, but Buck was her go-to so that she could focus on what she needed around the house without checking on the baby or carrying a baby monitor around.”

“That sounds a lot like Buck. He didn’t even hesitate to keep Emma from what Tommy and the others have told me. He’s a good man.”

“I feel like that is a dig on me.”

“You haven’t tried to figure out that Buck is a fully grown adult who doesn’t need a mother. He wants a sister.”

“I have trouble with that since I can’t be around him.”

“Well, you are forcing your opinions on him when he doesn’t want them.”

Maddie said nothing to that. She reached out and touched Buck’s forehead. She huffed and then sighed before she turned and left without a word.

Eddie was happy that she left without putting up a fight. She wasn’t going to get what she wanted from Eddie.

Getting up, Eddie decided that yes, he would put Emma on Buck. He had no idea what was going to happen from it, but Emma wasn’t settling down, and it just made sense to use Buck to have her calm down. The girl wasn’t up for cuddles a lot of the time when she wasn’t sleepy because she would rather be running around the house being a terror. The getting ever closer to one-year-old girl was the light of Buck’s life, but she also seemed to take after in the strangest ways since they were not blood-related.

“I’ve got you,” Eddie said when Emma started to make a few whiney noises as he was getting Buck’s gown open. Moving Chris’ hand wasn’t hard as the boy was lax with sleep. There was bruising on Buck’s chest in a few spots from hitting the ground, so Eddie laid Emma down to where she wasn’t lying on too many. He then draped the gown over her from one side and moved Chris’ hand back to where he was touching Emma’s foot.

Eddie stayed standing up and looking down at Buck’s face as the man slept. There was a stillness to him that Eddie wasn’t used to, his breathing a little more shallow than even when he was asleep normally. It was the drugs leaving his system from the surgery.

“I need you back as soon as you can, Buck. I might not have picked you as my partner for working, but I have become very attached to you. I can’t do this without you. You have to come back to work.”

“Eddie?” Buck asked.

Eddie jerked as Buck’s arms moved, wrapping around Emma on his chest as his eyes fluttered.

“Hey,” Eddie said.

“Where am I?”

“Hospital.” Eddie laid his hand on Emma’s back to help steady her if Buck jerked.

Buck’s eyes fluttered a few more times and then opened up all the way. He looked around and then down at Emma before up to his leg. His eyes widened, but he didn’t jerk. “Will I go back to work?”

“The doctor is hopeful that you can, but you know that it’s not gonna be known until it’s seen how the bone knits back together. You have a rod and four screws. Tommy’s at the house sleeping, and he’ll be back in the morning, and I’ll go home with one or both kids.”

“Both?” Buck looked down to see Chris plastered to his side. “Oh. How did you talk them into that?”

“Well, it could be the crying when Chris finally saw you in the recovery area before you were put into here. I think he made their hearts melt. I am also not sure, but I think they think both kids are yours. Or we are that kind of partners.”

“Well, I hear that we act like a couple.”

“Too bad you are scared of being a couple with anyone,” Eddie said. He hadn’t meant to say it but wasn’t going to regret it when Buck looked at him with a look of hope on his face.

“Sleeping beauty is awake!” Jessica said as she came into the room. “I knew that spike in your heart rate was you finally deciding it was time to wake up again. We’ve gotta do a check, but I don’t see why either kid has to move. I paged the night doctor already. She will be in to check on as soon as she can. I’m going to take your vitals, though, and we will see how things are going.”

Jessica was quick and simple about it, not removing Emma, who was so sprawled on Buck that she looked like she was trying to become one with Buck.

“Your daughter is beautiful,” Jessica said.

“Thanks. She’s a hellion, I will say that, but I shouldn’t expect anything different given that I’m her father. Eddie’s allowed to stay, right?”

“We were told that if we wanted to keep you calm, using the kids was the best option. So yes, they are staying. Don’t worry about that. I noticed your stats calming down even with being awake as soon as you noticed that Emma was on you. Kids are the best for that kind of thing, in my opinion, and even Chris being in bed without you isn’t stopping us from caring for you. It might not be orthodox, and we have some upper staff that don’t like that kind of thing, but we also have a good rate of people care here.”

“Am I okay for now?” Buck asked.

“You are. How is your pain level?”

“Good. I haven’t hit the pump yet. I didn’t even notice the pain at all until a few minutes ago. Whatever you have given me otherwise is doing good at helping me so far.”

“Don’t be the kind of guy who doesn’t hit it when needed. You were given it for a reason. Use it, or I’m gonna beat you over the head with it.”

“You are so mean,” Buck said. He rubbed his hand up and down Emma’s back for a few seconds before he looked over at Chris. “When do you think I can get out of here?”

“All depends on how quickly we can get you up and how quickly everything comes back in relation to your injuries. I heard someone say you lived on the third floor, a place with no elevators?”

“I live in a huge house, and I’m actually in the attic, above the third floor.”

“He’s going to stay with me. I have a spare room, and I live just a little bit down the block from him. He has more than enough caretakers. He’ll be good at making sure that he doesn’t do something that will set back his healing.”

“Well, that means little if the people don’t understand.”

“It’s all first responders and medical staff. And a lawyer. She doesn’t like attachment, so I assume she will have little time for Buck but might steal Emma to help watch her.”

“Sounds like you are in great hands. That will help the doctor decide on releasing you earlier as long as she doesn’t think you are in danger of something else. Injuries like you have can be tricky. We don’t want you to go home and end up back here with something worse going on.”

“He won’t be able to do a thing that isn’t what he’s allowed. This one here will make sure of it.” Eddie pointed at Chris. He rubbed at Chris’ back.

“Good. You are in good hands as long as you listen to them, I think. The doctor will be in soon and will go over everything that you need to know.”

Chapter Two

Eddie looked at Buck, who was gripping the door handle on the truck too tightly. Buck hadn’t wanted to take any pills before he left the hospital since he didn’t want to feel upset since the ones he was on sometimes gave him an upset stomach but the reactions to the others the doctor was willing to put him on were worse.

“Buck?” Eddie asked.

“I’m okay, the minor bumps that you cannot do a thing about hurt like fucking hell. I just want to get to your place and settle in with my leg up. This wrapping itches like fucking crazy, and the boot is a pain.”

Eddie nodded his head. He knew that Buck was in pain, but he hadn’t thought it was that. He should have pushed him to take something. After the first day, Tommy and the others watched Emma while Carla took care of Chris when Eddie was working.

“What has Bobby said about the therapy for everyone who was on shift that night?” Buck asked as Eddie turned onto their street.

Eddie didn’t answer. He nearly slammed on the breaks, though, as he took in the cars that were all along the street in front of his place.

“Eds?” Buck asked.

“We’ve been invaded,” Eddie said. He had spent all morning at the hospital after he got off shift and had just been waiting for Buck’s last scans to come through to know if he was being released or not. It was going to be a few days before he would have been, but Buck was going nuts, and he was being taken care of by a mass of people if he had any issues.

Eddie was sure that Buck was driving them nuts, and they all wanted him gone. Physical therapy would start soonish to ensure he didn’t lose any muscle or physical aptitude. There wasn’t a single bit of fear in Eddie that Buck wasn’t going to come back from this.

“So, who is all of that?”

“Abuela, Pepa, Adriana, and Sofia.”

“Those are rentals.”

“Yup, and they both go for certain rentals in certain colors. It’s a running joke. I think they both do it just to mess with me more than anything. So my family has invaded. I have no clue what I will be walking into, and I blame Tommy. He didn’t give either of us a word of warning.”

“It’s gonna be fine. I don’t mind it. I mean…” Buck finally let go of the door, and he slumped down into the seat. “It’ll be nice to have the kind of attention that a loving family gets.”

Eddie kept his mouth to himself on that one. He needed to ensure that none of his family actually put too much pressure on Buck and allowed him time away from their love.

“Why are they here?” Buck asked.

“Well, Abuela and Pepa have adopted you. That means you are a Diaz. I can’t tell you why no one had come to the hospital to see you. I assume that they have been planning this. I don’t even want to know what they are doing to my house.”

“Well, the only way to do anything about it is to head into there.” Buck waited for Eddie to get the truck into park before he tried to open the door. He got it open and waited. He looked at Eddie.

“Go ahead,” Eddie said.

“Really? You aren’t going to rush around to make me wait for you to get the crutches?”

“You put them where you can grab them. I assumed that meant you wanted to get out on your own.”

“I might feel better if you were over here to catch me.”

“Then I can do that.” Eddie knew the worry that everyone else was feeling, but he also knew that Buck had been doing things alone for a very long time. He had been alone for longer than Eddie had been alone without Shannon. He had lived his life, and he had been happy before coming to the 118.

Buck gave Eddie a smile when he got around the truck and into the path that would allow him out of the truck, but he would fall into Eddie if he had an issue.

“Who is that?”

Eddie looked, and even before he caught sight of her, he knew it was Adriana in the doorway.

“Time to meet the family?” Buck asked.

Eddie laughed, but he saw the look of a little fear on Buck’s face. Eddie reached out and cupped the back of Buck’s head. He pulled Buck in and pressed their foreheads together. Buck swallowed sharply, and then he closed his eyes.

“My sisters are going to love you. Adriana is a nurse, so you will have to live with her checking you over and fussing. She’s good at stepping back, though. She hovered with me after I came home, even though I was pretty much healed by the time I was released. She made sure that none of the kids asked to be picked up. I wouldn’t have said no, and I would have hurt myself. Though my littlest niece hadn’t been able to really understand it, she wanted to be picked up, but she was just at the age of crawling.”

“Well, she deserved all of the love, and I know for a fact you can’t get too pissed off with a baby in your lap.”

“Yes, well, my sisters take advantage of that more often than not.”

“DI! DA!” Emma yelled.

Eddie pulled back, and he looked over to see his Abuela with Emma in her arms. “Well, they chose the thing that’s bound to at least get you to come over.”

“They know me well.” Buck got his crutches under him as soon as Eddie stepped back. Buck got up slowly and tested his weight on his good leg before he headed toward the front door.

“Well, you look better than I thought you would,” Abuela said.

“I heal cuts and bruises pretty quickly. Eddie also brought over that salve that you swear by. That helped a lot, but I think I used it all.”

“I always have more. Pepa picks that up when she goes and gets a lot of the stuff I use from the health food store. It’s a two-floor place, and I can’t get up to the top anymore safely. They are working on getting funding for an elevator. I’ll take you some time. They have staff that will get stuff from the top floor, but I hate to bother them. So Pepa gets the stuff from up there for me when she goes. Eddie sometimes will as well. Let’s get you inside so that Emma can sit in your lap. She’s been asking for you all day.”

“Yeah, I still wasn’t her first in the yell. That’s okay; there are days I like Eddie more than myself as well.”

Emma held out her hands as soon as Buck got close, but he just made a face and waited to move until everyone was out of the way of the door.

Eddie followed behind. He reached out for Emma to take her from Abuela, but she recoiled, and her gaze followed Buck into the house.

“Well, I see where I rate right now.”

Abuela reached out and cupped the side of Eddie’s face. “She’s missed you both, but she’s not taking well to not having Buck around all the time. She might be a baby, but she understands time enough to know that he should be around more than he has been. It’ll all be fine, Eddie. Now go and get Buck settled in his new chair.”

“New chair?” Eddie asked. He stepped into the living room to find it rearranged a little. One of the chairs was replaced with an electric chair that Eddie was sure would lift up to allow him to stand without pushing himself up on one leg.

“Once he’s done with it and doesn’t need the assistance, it’ll come to replace mine at the house. We have another chair that allows him to put his feet up but doesn’t lift. It’s in storage, and it will be staying. I’m shocked you don’t have one with you possibly hurting yourself, Edmundo. It’ll be nice for the days when Chris needs to put his legs up.”

“I have the chair with the ottoman, which is where?”

“Storage. Well, I say that, but it’s in that lovely young man’s basement as well as the other chair.”

“Meaning?” Eddie tried to figure out who the nice young man could be.

“The lovely man across the street. He said that Buck lived with him.”

“Tommy,” Eddie said. He wasn’t shocked that Tommy got along with Abuela.

“They are working on getting Emma’s things moved over here now that you are here.”

“And why are you guys here?” Eddie asked as he opened his arms for a hug from Adriana now that Buck was settled into his chair with Chris fussing over him.

“Well, we wanted to see this man in your life.”

“He’s not my man.”

“Oh, I think he is. Listen to your older sister.”

“The last time I took relationship advice from you, I kissed Tyler, and he punched me.”

“Okay, so my gaydar was broken back then.” Adriana cupped the sides of Eddie’s face as she let go of him, and she made him look at her. “You, however, are looking at him like you did Shannon before Chris came into your lives, and you realized that she had never wanted the same path that you wanted. Chris loves him. His kid loves you, even if she is pouting that she’s been kept from her father. Abuela loves him almost more than I think she loves us.”

Eddie looked at where Abuela was laying Emma in Buck’s lap so that she could turn around to get on his thighs. Eddie nearly rushed forward, but Chris was there with a pillow, and Buck picked Emma up so she would be bouncing on that.

“You love him with your whole heart, and the way he looked at you outside, he loves you just as much.”

“We’ve been…saying things,” Eddie said.

Sofia walked up with her arms open, and she pulled Eddie in and hugged him tightly. Eddie loved hugs from Sofia, and he didn’t realize how much he needed one.

“Well, that’s good. Now let’s get some food. Your man looks like he needs some food in him that isn’t from the hospital.”

“He’s not eaten anything from the hospital other than Jell-O and pudding. Abuela has been sending food over with someone from Buck’s house, and Bobby has been taking over stuff in the mornings for breakfast. He’s fine with that.”

“He’s always that thin? His shirts are hanging off him.”

“Ah, that’s his comfort clothes. He buys some things a size or two up to make it easier to get on and off when he’s hurt. He’s quite ripped under that.” As soon as Eddie said the words, he regretted them. He knew his sister would pounce on him.

“So you have gotten an eyeful?” Adriana raised her eyebrows and waggled them.

“Edmundo, come and help me get some food into Buck. He needs to take his pain pills.”

“I’m fine, Abuela,” Buck said.

“You will take them and thank me for it, young man.”

“Yes, Abuela.” Buck was looking at Abuela like he was afraid she was going to smack him with a wooden spoon for taking a cookie.

Eddie knew that feeling well. He followed his Abeula into the kitchen, and he stopped when she turned around to hug him tightly. Eddie dipped his head down into the safety of her neck, and he let himself feel.

Ever since that night, he had kept a tight hold on his feelings. He had cried once when holding Chris in bed as the boy hadn’t been able to sleep without him.

“Let it out,” Abuela said.

“We need to cook.”

“Food is cooked. This was a reason to get you in here. No one is coming in. Let it out, Eddie.”

Eddie held onto her tightly, and he let go. The fear of seeing Buck under that truck was horrible. The fear he would lose him before he told him that he loved him.

Buck looked at the kitchen door, and he frowned. He could smell the food and knew that cooking was already going on.

“What’s your Abuela want with your father?”

“I don’t know. I know I am not allowed in there right now. Abuela said that she needed to talk to Dad.”

“Well, then I guess it’s me and you keeping Emma entertained today.”

“I can do that. So have you and Dad kissed yet?”

Buck looked at Chris, and his brain tried to process that as he listened to Eddie’s sisters laugh.

“Who broke Buck?” Tommy asked.

“That would be our lovely nephew,” Adriana said.

“I just asked if he and Dad had kissed yet. I didn’t know it would break Buck.”

“Why would Eddie and I have kissed?” Buck asked. He really didn’t want to answer that he wished Eddie had kissed him outside. They had been tap dancing around this between them since Buck had woken up after his surgery.

“Don’t even try and play that game, Evan Christopher,” Tommy said.

“Christopher?” Sofia asked.

“I wouldn’t go there,” Buck said with a glare.

“Oh, no, that is adorable as hell. Eddie talks about Chris being the thing that brings him home, his north star. I can see him thinking the same thing of you. You also let him move you in with him, you and your utterly adorable daughter.”

“You guys haven’t seen the most adorable stuff. I have videos of them at the park that look like family dates. It’s just lovely, honestly.”

“I’m right here.”

Tommy laughed, and he handed Emma a stuffed giraffe that she had become attached to at the last zoo visit. Emma pulled it in close and hugged it before plopping down onto Buck’s lap, thankfully landing on the pillow.

“You are right there. It’s nice to have you home.”

“I’m not home,” Buck said.

“It’s cute you think that.” Tommy walked over with Buck’s pills, and he took Emma to settle her onto the floor to play around. He hadn’t even realized that Tommy had been the one going after those. He had many things he was on to make sure his body didn’t hate not being in the hospital.

Buck glared at Tommy. The kitchen door opened, and Eddie came out with a plate of food. Buck could smell the things that had been made. It all smelled wonderful, honestly and Buck was hungry in a way he hadn’t been in a while. Getting his leg up had settled his stomach from the trip.

Eddie’s eyes were a little red like he had been crying. Buck tried to ask with his eyes what was going on, but Eddie just cupped his shoulder and smiled at him. There was a happiness in his eyes that Buck was happy about.

“Abuela says that you are to eat every single bit of food on the tray, and only then will she allow you to get dessert.”

“What is dessert?”

“Nope, I can’t answer that. I fear her more than you.”

“That’s valid.”

“Is anyone else eating?” Buck asked.

“Yeah, we all are. It’s lunchtime, Bucky. We will just have to go and get our own. We are all going to eat here as well.”

“Chris,” Buck said as he looked over at the boy sitting on the couch and being handed a plate by Tommy. Pepa was there with a TV tray, and Chris held the food up to give her space to put it in front of him. “Oh.”

“Yes, I didn’t have them before this but guess that I do now. Abuela said that there would be times you don’t want to eat at the dining room table, even after you have started to get more mobile, so it’s these so we can eat together.”

“That makes sense. Go get food, so I stop feeling weird.” Buck picked up the fork from where it was stuck under the chicken. He looked at what was there and realized that he was missing part of his food. He looked at Chris’ plate to find his little fajitas already made up. He was adding lettuce, cheese, and pico to his.

Eddie came out with a plate full of stuff for them to share to put on theirs. There were also several rolls of tortillas. Eddie pulled a small floating ottoman over as well as another TV tray as Buck got the chair to where he could eat. Eddie laid the plate down and then went back to the kitchen and came back with a plate that looked like Buck’s but had different rice.

“What kind of rice is that?” Buck poked at it with his fork as he snagged a tortilla with the other hand.

“Spicy,” Chris answered.

“Ah, yeah. No. I’m good sticking with the spice in the pico.” Buck loved spice, but spice didn’t always love him when he took medications. He had learned that the hard way in Montana.

“Good.” Eddie poked Buck with his fork and pointed at his food when Buck didn’t start to make it in a few seconds.

“Pushing butt,” Buck said.

“Bi?” Emma asked as she tugged on Buck’s pants on his good side. He realized then that Eddie had put himself on Buck’s bad side.

“Is there anything she can have?” Buck asked.

“The refried beans. We didn’t add anything to them but salt for this reason. She’s had mashed pinto beans before.”

“Good.” Buck forked up a small bite of the beans and held them down for her to take a bite of.

Emma made a wholly hilarious face. It was the same face she did when she thought she was getting one thing and ended up with something else. She had only had a little bit of ice cream, stuff they made on their own and not stuff from the store. She didn’t like it that much so instead, she got whipped cream, again made by someone in the house.

“She doesn’t like it,” Buck said just before she started to spit it out. Eddie was there with a napkin to wipe it off her tongue and lips before she got it too far.

“No, she does not. I guess that means next time we can have a little more fun with the spices.”

“Bi?” Emma asked.

“Over here, Emma love,” Tommy said.

Emma turned and looked at him. He had a spoon held out, and something was white on it.

“Rice pudding,” Eddie said.

“Oh, yum. Is there more?”

“For breakfast, yes. It’s not the sweet kind,” Eddie said.

“Then what the heck is for dessert today?” Buck asked.

“Silencio,” Abuela said.

Buck shoved a bite of the rice in his mouth as he worked on unrolling his tortilla. He started to pile food on it and snagged a fair bit of guacamole as he loved Abuela’s guac. There was a lot on the plate, so Buck assumed most of it was for him. Even if it was only done for Chris and him, the chicken was already cut into strips that he was glad of. He took the water glass handed to him by Adriana and took his pills. He got the fajita the way he liked it and then started to eat.

The meal was one that Buck knew Eddie liked when he wasn’t feeling well. It was something that his Abuela had made for him once after he liked it as a kid in a Tex-Mex place when the family had been on vacation in Florida. Buck had heard all about it once when Eddie had been working on the porch of Abuela’s house when a board had cracked.

Buck let the words of everyone around him fill him up. This was what he had missed from being in the hospital. He had visitors, but he had long stretches where he was alone.

“You okay?” Eddie asked when he picked up Buck’s empty plate.

“Yeah. Sorry, I’m enjoying the talking and just being here instead of there. And my pills are kicking in, and I’m getting sleepy.”

“Do you want to nap here?” Eddie asked.

“Yeah. Napping here would be good. Maddie’s coming by for dinner, right?” Buck asked.

Eddie’s face was a picture of a little pissed off as he looked at Buck. “Yes, she is still coming as far as I know. I won’t allow her to treat you like a child-like she tried that first day in the hospital after you woke up.”

“No one will,” Pepa said.

“I can handle my sister,” Buck said. He knew that Eddie didn’t like how Maddie acted toward Buck, but Buck had been dealing with her for years, and he had figured out how to ignore what she said and let her think that he was going to do what she said while not doing it. “I’m gonna stay out here. I want noise, so no one needs to stop talking. I have an alarm set on my phone for when my phone call with Doctor Guentzel is.”

“Why don’t I go and get a blanket?” Eddie asked.

“Yeah. That would be great. Where is dessert?”

“Thinking with your stomach?” Eddie asked.

“Always. I want to eat it before the pills kick in and really upset my stomach.”

Eddie laid his free hand on Buck’s shoulder for a second before he slipped away to get them dessert. He came out a few minutes later with three bowls of something. Pepa and Tommy came out with plates right on his heels. It was Tres Leches cake. Buck held out his hands and was happy when Eddie settled a bowl down into them. He cupped it and pulled it close, finding it covered in many strawberries.

“Abuela does love me,” Buck said.

“Buck’s got little to no filter when he’s drugged,” Tommy said.

“I can; I just don’t like to most of the time.” Buck leaned back in the chair, and he wasn’t shocked when Eddie sat down with the other two bowls still in his hands. Chris came over, and he settled on Eddie’s leg to eat his, all three of them as close as they could get now.

“There is no reason to have a filter when you are in pain,” Adriana said.

“Don’t say that,” Tommy said.

“Why?”

“He can get graphic.”

Buck wanted to flip Tommy off, but Chris was too close, and there was no way to hide that. He just stuck his tongue out at Tommy instead. Tommy laughed. He turned his head down to dig into his food.

With his leg aching like it was, Buck wasn’t sure how long he would last without passing out from the pills as they worked on him more and more. He just wanted to be happy for a few minutes before he passed out. The conversation flowed around him, and he knew that he was at the end of his rope when he felt the bowl lifted from his hands and the chair moving to let him lay flat. He felt the blanket being pulled over his body and the hand on his head. He knew it was Eddie, and he smiled.

—

Buck entered the kitchen, and he breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of the simple white cake with chocolate and peanut butter frosting sitting there. Eddie had made it, stress baking before Maddie had arrived. Adriana and Sofia were at their hotel with their family and would come back by tomorrow before they headed home.

Abuela had made sure that Buck wasn’t overwhelmed on his first day home. Too bad Buck had told Maddie that he would see her tonight. She was already making him regret it. He had been feeling pretty good after the session with Doctor Guentzel. Then Maddie had been upset that Buck was staying with Eddie instead of her. She was a ball of something, but Buck hadn’t been able to put his finger on it yet.

“You okay?” Eddie asked.

“Yeah. Did Chris get down okay?”

“Yes, and he was happy to have Emma’s bed in there with him on the far side of the room until we get things fully figured out with my bedroom.” Buck rubbed at his face, and then he got his hand on the handle of his crutch again.

“So why are you in here?”

“I was angry with Maddie, and she doesn’t do well with anger, so I left the room. I didn’t want her anywhere but in the living room, or I would have asked to give me some space.”

“You stay in here for a few minutes; I’ll go and talk to her.”

Buck nodded his head. He was tired from the day. Moving around the world using crutches was for the birds, and he couldn’t wait to not have them anymore. He had forgotten how much he hated them. He waited for the sound of Eddie sitting down on the couch before he exited the kitchen into the hallway and made his way that way. He had learned how to walk silently with his crutches so that he didn’t wake anyone up.

“Why is he hiding? I don’t mean to hurt him,” Maddie said.

“You don’t mean to, but you do. Have you thought about why?”

“He’s so reckless.”

“What was reckless about getting blown up just driving as part of his job?”

“That he’s doing it!” Maddie said loudly.

“Keep your voice down. If you wake up either child, you will be leaving, and you won’t be allowed back here again.”

“He did this growing up for attention. You guys feed him that attention. He was always getting himself hurt to get attention from everyone. Now he’s acting like he is with all of this.”

“He had a fire truck land on his leg.”

“No, not that but just all of this. I get why he’s not at home given where his bedroom is, but he should be with me.”

“Where you can bully him into doing what you want?”

“Bully?”

“You don’t respect his boundaries, Maddie. You think that you have a right to make decisions for him, and he should just do it.”

“I was a nurse,” Maddie said.

“Yes, I understand that, but what part of being an ER nurse says that you get to make a decision about his medical care without talking to his doctor?”

Buck smiled to himself, and he turned back toward the kitchen and headed back inside of there before coming out the other side. He smiled as he moved to his chair and settled down into it, and kept his leg down for a minute before he pressed the button to raise his legs up. The chair was honestly great. He would be giving it up to Abuela when he was at the point where he didn’t need it anymore. His body was still a little sore still, and he could see not wanting to piss it off with him pulling on the thing to put his feet up and then going around on his crutches. He could probably give up the chair pretty soon, but he had another surgery that he would do if his healing wasn’t going the way it was hoped to.

“How are you feeling?”

“Pill is kicking, and I’m getting a little tired, but it’s not like the one earlier today. So I’m not as tired as I was then from coming home from the hospital. I’m good, Eds. I promise.”

“Evan, are you sure this is what you want? To be a burden on Eddie?” Maddie asked.

“A burden on Eddie? How can I be a burden on Eddie? I can mostly take care of myself, and I’ll be here for times when he wants to go to the store, and I can watch Chris for those few minutes. It’s not like Chris needs his diapers changed. Emma does, but I can take care of her. I did it earlier today. I’m not gonna be a burden on anyone. Can you say that about finding someone to help me get to and from your place for doctor visits? Are you going to rearrange all of your work to do that? Or make my friends come across town to get to your place to take me? Chris and I can take care of each other, and Carla will still be here to get Chris to and from school as well as help with anything I need during that time.”

“Buck is only a burden if I say he is, and he’s not going to be. We have more than enough friends who can help us take care of Buck when needed. He’s got more than enough people to help him get to and from his appointments.”

“I don’t understand why you don’t want me around you,” Maddie said.

“You don’t respect me. You don’t listen to me, and you don’t care about what I want, just what you want. You don’t even care about trying to learn anything about the new me. You told me that I needed to stop therapy.”

“Therapy doesn’t help anything.”

“That’s our parents’ words. I’ve found that I am happy with the therapy I have been in. I’m happier with myself. I’m happier with the family I have found here.”

“So you just wrote off our parents and me?”

“Maddie, I wrote off our parents a long time ago. They haven’t called me since this happened. I know you told them. They didn’t even call the hospital. The only people that did had the codes. Given how my injury happened, they were keeping a tight lid, and it was only really Tommy and Bobby who called to get updates. No one else asked for me by name.”

“I kept them updated. You didn’t need the stress of them calling the nursing staff.”

“Why would that be stressful, and why didn’t they want to talk to me? Oh, yeah. They don’t care. They didn’t like it when I took in Emma. They don’t care about anything but their image. Taking in the child, I acquired wouldn’t be a status thing for them. Look what we saved our son from having to raise without a wife. We are good parents. We love our children.”

Maddie looked at Buck like she was upset at him for his words.

“You didn’t want me telling them that you were here. Don’t give me that look. I hadn’t talked to our parents before you came into my life again, so I wouldn’t have told them, but you didn’t even keep in contact, so there was no way for you to know that. You haven’t tried to get to know me at all. So if you do want to keep in my life, accept that I am making my own choices.”

“You would cut me off?”

“You hated that mom and dad cut you off for making your own choices. I’m doing it the other way. If you don’t respect me and my choices, I don’t want you in my life, especially in my daughter’s life. I do not want that kind of thing in her life. I want her to be happy and healthy. If that means no you, that means no you. You did the only therapy you had to do to be allowed to work again, but you didn’t work at it.”

“I worked at it.”

“No, you didn’t. I can tell by how you act right now that you didn’t. You are acting like me setting a boundary for my life is a punishment to you. Me having them is not, but you wouldn’t feel like it if you took it all seriously. You do well at your own boundaries and keeping them. I don’t know why you can’t respect mine.”

The look on Maddie’s face said it all. That she didn’t like what he said and she knew it was true. She didn’t like that it was true either.

“I guess I’ll just take my leave,” Maddie said.

“I love you, Maddie, but I can’t live my life to make you happy.”

“I guess that we shall just have to agree to disagree about your life.” Maddie grabbed her purse, and she left the house.

Buck felt his emotions welling in him, and he wasn’t sure what he felt.

“Hey, why don’t you come and join me in my room? I don’t think you should sleep alone tonight?” Eddie asked.

“Yeah, I think I want that.” Buck didn’t want to be alone.

Chapter Three

Eddie opened his front door to see Buck on the couch with Chris standing in front of Emma with his hands on his hips. He was looking at her as she was looking up at him, the look of pure innocence on his face. Eddie wasn’t sure what was going on, but he really wanted to know.

“Dad, she stole my dinosaur and hid it,” Chris said.

Eddie laughed at that, and he shook his head. He knew pretty much where it would be, but he was sure that Chris didn’t even think to look there. Hell, Buck probably was laughing because he knew where it would be. She always put it there when she wanted to take a nap. It wasn’t near nap time, but if Chris left it lying on his bed where she could snag it, she would grab it and run.

“Have you looked at my bed?” Eddie asked.

“No, I’ll go look there.” Chris picked up his crutches and got them settled in his hands before he headed to the back of the house.

Eddie looked at Buck.

“I told him it was there,” Buck said. He had his leg up on the couch, and there were fresh bandages around the leg where he had gone for it instead of a cast until he had his next surgery, which was going to be soon. Eddie was looking forward to it so that Buck could start to focus on what was next after that.

“So when are your parents arriving?” Buck asked.

“Thankfully, not long before the ceremony next week,” Eddie said. He dropped his bag down and pushed it under the table where no one would trip over it until he could get it all emptied out. All of it would need to come out because he emptied his locker of everything after it had gotten soaked in his aftershave.

“What is that smell?”

“Concentrated aftershave. I’ll get it put up in a moment and get it washed.”

“It’s not too bad, honestly. I just wasn’t sure if it was on you or somewhere else.” Buck got up using his crutches, and he walked over to where Eddie was. Buck opened his arms as much as he could while balanced on one foot, and Eddie wrapped him in a hug. Every single day that Eddie came home, Buck was there with a hug.

The relationship was still so hesitant. Buck had been so careful to settle himself into life before even trying to do anything that was him and Eddie. It wasn’t even them living together but just Buck being unsure of himself for the first time in a while.

“How was this morning?” Eddie asked.

“Not too bad. Waking up kind of sucked, but my hip wasn’t too bad off, really. The fall didn’t damage me more, and the ER said that Chris did well in keeping me still while I waited for you guys to come and get me. I’m happy with the care I got after it as well. Chris and Carla made sure that I was all set up.”

“The bruise on your face isn’t too bad. Where is Tommy?”

“He’s at the house asleep. His team had a horrible night. I told him I was fine and I wouldn’t get off the couch until you got home.”

“I am shocked you waited,” Eddie said.

“I don’t need to fall down again. The doctor did see something a little off on my scan when he looked at it first thing this morning, and he wants to look at it again, and he thinks I might need to come in for a quick consult today. He’s not too worried about it all, really, but he just likes to stay in touch when it comes to my healing. Chris wants that place with the chicken and waffles for lunch since we didn’t eat out at all this week.”

“I can agree to that. What else does he want?”

“He wants to get tickets to tonight’s Galaxy game. I told him that might be pushing it, but I can see what I can do if you agree.”

“Soccer sounds good. Look at the site,” Eddie said.

“Okay, I can do that. You go and take care of your clothes, and I’ll work on the tickets.”

“Dad, it was in your bed,” Chris said as he came through from the hallway. Emma was on his heels, staying back enough that Chris wasn’t in danger of hitting her or her hitting him if he stopped moving.

“See, mijo, right where she wanted it to be when she tries to talk Buck into sleeping with her for a nap.”

“Ugh, she naps too much,” Chris said.

Eddie laughed, and he ruffled Chris’ hair. “You go and pick out stuff for an afternoon out that ends in a soccer game. I’ll make sure to pack for Emma and me. Buck can pack for himself.”

“I will pack for me. Can I bring the one stuffed bear?”

“You sure can as long as it can fit in Emma’s bag.”

“I can make it fit; Buck has been teaching me about magic to pack things really well.”

“Good.” Eddie waited for Chris to head back into his room before heading into the kitchen. He found his breakfast in the oven, staying warm. He pulled it out. He didn’t eat at the station anymore but came home to eat with Buck.

Buck came in after him and sat down at the table with his leg up. He settled it there and then leaned back.

Emma came in a few seconds later with a grin on her face as she carried a stuffed soccer ball with the LA Galaxy logo on it. She squeezed it and giggled before heading toward the living room the other way.

“Have they been watching soccer since I left?” Eddie asked.

“Pretty much. It’s been good fun, and it was good last night since Emma was freaked out after I fell down. I just settled her down with me in bed, and we watched soccer until we both fell asleep. Derek made sure I was good this morning before he ran. He said if you weren’t back yet, he would check on me again. So why were you late?”

“I had to run over and sign some stuff over the last and final things with Shannon and the custody of Chris and my estate if I die. One of the staffers was in, and the paperwork was finally done yesterday.

“Lily’s been working her butt off on that and my stuff, but I know that Shannon’s been dragging her heels on things on her end. Shannon agreed that Chris should never go to anyone in my family, but her will needed to be changed to ensure it. It’s a mess, but it’s all done. Chris will never go to anyone but who I want, and she’s made sure that no matter what, she can’t make a decision in Chris’ life.”

“That’s a weight off.”

“Yeah. I’ll not have to worry about him getting sick and her being able to step in even over you.”

“Hey, I would have fought for him,” Buck said.

“No, I know, but him catching that cold freaked me out, and his files still had Shannon on there. She could have just stepped in. I was afraid of that. She loves Chris, but she knows that she can’t do it. She can’t be a mother. I hated her for leaving him, but I understand that she just couldn’t anymore, and I blame my parents. They broke what little part of her wanted to be a mother.”

“I understand that feeling. I thought that my parents had made me never want kids. I never wanted to raise a kid like they ‘raised’ me.” Buck saw the slight anger in Eddie’s eyes at the air quotes.

“Well, you do wonderful with Emma.” Eddie picked up his cup of coffee and took a sip. It was cooler than he would like, but he was the one who had stopped to do something without warning Buck until he was already supposed to be home. Eddie had just wanted the paperwork done. The first round had been months ago, and things had gotten settled quickly, but there were still some things that would mean that Shannon could have access to Chris in some fashions, and Eddie didn’t want that at all. Not since his parents could get access as well.

Eddie would tell them everything, but only once his ceremony was over. He didn’t want drama there.

“Hey, where did you go?” Buck asked.

“Nowhere, really. Just thinking about my upcoming ceremony. I finally got Bobby the list of guests. He laughed when I had you on there.”

“Speaking of me, how is the replacement for me doing?” Buck asked.

“Pretty good. He’s not nearly as funny, and he doesn’t spout off random, fascinating facts about everything when he’s nervous or just excited. I’m sure we can get used to him in the long run.” Eddie looked at Buck and smiled at the look on his face.

Buck looked like he was sure if he should laugh or frown.

“He’s a fun suck. He’s paranoid about things you don’t even get paranoid about. We all want you back as soon as possible.”

“Okay. Good. I don’t like not being there, but I also don’t want you guys dealing with someone who doesn’t gel at all.”

“Well, he can go back to his station next week. Then we will get another guy. He’s been doing this for about as long as you and Bobby said he would hopefully fit in better. He’s a permanent floater. He doesn’t like being tied down too long but stays as long as needed. He’s stayed months before and was at another station, but Chief Alonzo was always going to get him here as soon as the other person came back at the station he was working at.”

“Oh, Ralph?” Buck asked.

“Yes, how did you know?”

“He’s slotted into our station before when someone is out, even for a short time. I’ve worked with him just once. He’s a good guy, and I trust him to watch your back. So, we can head out later for lunch and find something calm to do after that before heading to the game. How does that sound?”

“Are you sure you are up for this?” Eddie asked.

“Eds, Chris, and I are both on crutches; they aren’t going to blink a damned eye at us in the ADA seating. Don’t worry about that.”

“I won’t. I guess I forgot about that. I don’t like to use the ADA seating too much as Chris loves to be close, but you can’t really navigate sitting anywhere but the ends of the rows, can you?” Eddie finished off his food, and he took the last drink of his coffee before he got both of them in the dishwasher.

Eddie handled the stuff that couldn’t go into the dishwasher since balancing on his foot and doing them was impossible for Buck at the moment, but Buck took care of the stuff in the dishwasher. It had been a trial and error process as Eddie wanted to do it all, and Buck fought against that. They were both learning how to live together.

“Tommy made an offer,” Buck said.

“Okay?” Eddie asked.

“To get the bed out of your guest room since I sleep in your bed anyway. He would put in a single and make enough room for a toddler bed for Emma. I don’t know if I want to take him up on it.”

“You do. You want to take him up on that or I will.”

“Eddie,” Buck said.

“You have been looking for a family, and adding Chris and me to it and being here with us doesn’t mean you aren’t family with Tommy and them anymore. We all live pretty close.”

“We haven’t even gone on a date,” Buck said.

“No, we haven’t gone on an adult date. We are people with kids. Some dates are going to include kids. Especially since you love my son as much as I do, and I love your daughter as much as you do.” Eddie walked over to where Buck was seated, and he knelt in front of him. He cupped Buck’s face with both hands. He made Buck look at him. “I want to date the hell out of you, and I want us to build a family. I want us, Buck.”

“I want us too, but I’m so damned scared.”

“About what?”

“My parents got tired of me. My sister never kept in contact; even before Doug came into her life, she ran as far as she could for college, which wasn’t all that far, but it was like she didn’t want me anymore either. She might love me, and she might try to parent me even though I am a full-grown adult. Tommy and them don’t get tired of me because I do keep parts of me back when I am upset. I won’t let them see it.”

“They see it, but they respect you too much to force themselves into your life where you don’t seem to want them. Tommy knows; he gets into your bed those nights.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because Derek, Shawn, and Kim all came to talk to me about it. They told me to let you do what you wanted when you wanted to be alone.”

“I sometimes swear other than the sex that happens between some of us, it’s like a house full of siblings and cousins who grew up together.” Buck laughed a little and ducked his head down to smile toward his hands. Eddie let go of him and laid his hands on Buck’s knees instead.

“Well, we won’t go into the whole thing on that. They care, Buck, and I do too. Now, I want to pack up some stuff to ensure that we are ready to go when we get hungry. Chris will want to eat early so he can get snacks at the game and then get dinner afterward since it’s an early game.”

“There is nothing wrong with that, and we can make sure that before the game, we go to the park or someplace that I can get my leg up for a little while. My doctor will be happy I’m out and about.”

“You haven’t left the house much, but then things have been busy. Did we get that new carrier in for Emma to where I can wear her in it to the game? It will make moving around to get to our seats a lot easier.”

“Yeah, it came in. I like the look of it a lot better for her new weight. Are you sure you are okay with this? I don’t mind staying in with Emma.”

“Buck, you and Chris have been having fun together when it comes to him teaching you about it. Chris wants you there. It’s not like I have to do much with you; just make sure you don’t fall.”

“Which is easier said than done.”

“You are big enough that I think that you will scare off most of the people who would want to try and be roadblocks because they are assholes.”

“Dad, that’s a bad word.”

Eddie turned his head to see Chris in the doorway.

“Yes, it is, and I expect you not to repeat it.”

“I don’t. I just like making fun of you.” Chris moved to sit on his father’s leg. “What are we doing with Bucky?”

“Just making sure he knows he’s allowed to stay as long as he wants, that’s all.”

“Of course, he can. He’s family.”

Buck swallowed, and Eddie gave him a smile. They would work on him.

—

Buck felt such a swell of pride as he looked at Chris, who was walking without his crutches to his father while carrying his helmet. Buck had been working with him, and his steps were surer than they would have been. Eddie met him and let Chris put the helmet on his head before Eddie pulled him into a tight mug.

Eddie’s eyes found Buck, and he mouthed the words “thank you” to Buck. Buck shrugged his shoulders and just enjoyed the feeling he had inside of him.

There wasn’t a lot else to do. He was mostly stuck in the chair. He looked around at Eddie’s family, most of whom had flown or driven to be here. Adriana and Sofia had given Buck hugs, but so far, Buck hadn’t had the pleasure of meeting anyone new in Eddie’s family and from the looks that Buck had been getting from Helena.

The rest of the ceremony was short and sweet, and then it was time for food. Buck was waiting for the timeline to die down before he slipped over to get his food.

“Buck, are you going to eat? Dad says, you need to eat to get better quicker.”

“If your father had his way, I would have to train to be able to get off the ten pounds of extra weight he wants me to gain by feeding me.”

“You could do with a little weight gain; it’ll help you train harder later to get back here,” Eddie said. He was carrying three plates of food.

Buck sat up a little more to take two plates from him and found that one was a repeat of the other, just with more food on it. The third plate was fruit and veggies. “You didn’t have to get me food.”

“Yes, I did. Bobby and Hen would shove you down into that chair if you got up with the kids running around right now.”

Buck looked over at Hen, who was at a table with Hen and Denny. Hen was staring at him, so he looked away. He knew that Hen didn’t like that she didn’t get to see him that much. Derek had been taking him in for a meal when Eddie was on shift so that the team could see him at least once a weekend without bothering people too much during the weekday.

Yet, it wasn’t seeing him every shift like she was used to. Buck was looking forward to when he was released to drive again.

“How are you feeling?” Eddie asked.

“I’m good. I’ve been able to keep my leg up. You had better go because your mother is looking at you with a look that if looks could kill, you would be dead.”

Eddie turned his head to look at where his mother was glaring at him from the main family table. Buck figured that part of it was the fact that Chris wasn’t sitting with them. Give it a few minutes, and Denny and Harry would be at the table with Buck. Buck knew it. The three boys were thick as thieves when they could be, and it was part of why Eddie had set Buck and Chris up here.

“Need anything, mijo?”

“Tea, please,” Chris said. He turned his head to look at Denny and waved him over, then did the same to Harry.

“Buck?”

“Unsweet for me, but tea would be lovely.”

“You got it. You need anything, you text me. Do you hear me?”

“I’ll have kids who can do that for me,” Buck said.

Eddie rolled his eyes as he stepped away from the table. Getting Buck and Chris their tea was the work of minutes, and then Eddie was getting his food and settling in at the table with his parents. He looked at his father, who had a glare on his face.

“Sí, Pop?” Eddie asked.

“Why did you do that? Why can’t whoever brought him to get his things, and why his Chris sitting with him?”

“Buck’s always been the one to sit with the kids and help them settle in and eat,” Bobby answered before Eddie could.

“Oh, so he’s yours?”

“Dad, I have talked about Buck before. He’s my partner in the field.”

“Oh, he’s that Buck.”

Eddie wasn’t going to play that game with his father. “How many Buck’s do you think I know? I have only ever talked about a single one.”

“Well, why would you talk about your boss’ son?”

“Well, I have only been talking about Buck. Buck lives with me after he was injured after the truck crushed him. Don’t play dumb unless you would like to be treated exactly like how dumb you are acting.”

Eddie glared at his father, who huffed at him and turned to his plate.

“Why is he sitting with the kids then?”

“Because on a good day, he likes the kids more than anyone else, and he gets to spend less time with them,” Scott said. He set down a small envelope on the table at Eddie’s hand resting beside his cup of tea. Eddie raised an eyebrow as he looked at him. “That’s from Riccardo. I have no clue what is in there, but I would not open it up unless there are no children around. I love the man, but I don’t trust him as far as he could throw me.”

“I’ll do that. Where are you going?”

“I’m joining Buck at the kid’s table. It sounds like it’s a hell of a lot of fun.”

Eddie looked over again to see that more kids had shown up there. In fact, all of his nieces and nephews were over there, standing around.

“Why don’t we move?” Eddie asked.

“Move?” his mother asked.

“Yes. Let’s give the kids the biggest table since they all seem to want to be together.”

“That sounds lovely,” Sofia said. She stood up and grabbed her food and drink before walking over to Buck. She leaned over and said something in his ear.

“Oh, sure, is that okay?”

“Well, we aren’t giving Mom and Pop a choice; everyone else is moving as well. You guys need the biggest space so the kids can eat.”

Eddie smiled at his sister as he picked up his food. He set it down on the table and grabbed Buck’s food since Sofia had already grabbed Chris’. Eddie snagged the veggie and fruit plate as well as the other adults started to move over to the table and then grabbed the kids’ food from their other tables and got them moved over. Eddie sat down at the smaller table, and he looked over to see that Chris had moved to where he was sitting next to Buck while Harry had taken the seat across from him. No one was sitting on Buck’s other side since with his leg, he had his back to that seat.

“How are you feeling about being a full firefighter now, little brother?” Sofia asked.

“I’m happy. I’m the happiest I think I have ever been in my life.”

“You would be happier around your family in El Paso,” his mother said.

“No, I really wouldn’t. I was miserable; Chris was miserable. He loves it here, and I will not take him away from where he loves.”

“He will learn to love it in El Paso. He could be happier with his cousins there, happier with me and your father taking care of him again.”

“No,” Chris said.

Eddie looked to the side, and he saw his son standing there holding Emma’s hand.

“No, what, Christopher?” Helena asked.

“I don’t want to go back to El Paso. Buck and Emma aren’t there.”

“You don’t need another man’s daughter as a friend. You can move down there, and your father can find a nice woman to marry since he’s divorced from your mother. They can make a baby, and you’ll have more than enough kids to play with.”

“Emma is already my sister, Grandma. I don’t want a replacement. If Dad and Buck have a kid, I would love them, but you can’t just tell me who to love.”

“You have been too long away from adults who actually care to raise a child who doesn’t talk back to adults,” Ramon said.

“No, I’ve told him to talk to people who respect him. You aren’t respecting his wishes or mine. He’s not your second chance at a child to raise to be perfect in your eyes after you failed three times to have kids who will do exactly as you wish without questioning it. You made us, and you will have to live with us.”

“He needs care and love,” Helena said.

“And he gets that here from a group of people who don’t try and mold him into someone that he is not. I don’t even want to think what you could do to him. He would have no thought in his head that wasn’t what you wanted to have there.”

“Eddie, do you want your parents here?” Bobby asked.

Eddie looked around to realize that everyone was not looking at him. They were all looking elsewhere. He looked back at his parents to see that they were looking around and looked like they would like to be anywhere but where they were. Eddie was more than okay with that. They were the ones that started it.

“Eddie’s been happier since he’s been up here. It’s horrible that you want to control him and his son so much that you would rather he be unhappy,” Abuela said as she stepped up behind Eddie, laying her hands on his shoulders. “I would like them removed, Captain Nash. No one in the family will be able to be happy and have a good time on this joyous occasion, with them holding a cloud over the situation. Please, remove them.”

“Eddie?” Bobby asked.

“Yes, please,” Eddie said. It was the only thing he could say about it. He looked at Buck, who was keeping the kids entertained, before picking up Emma, who tucked her face into his neck. She sighed and just slumped into him. He would talk to his parents again before they left, but only after things calmed down. Eddie looked away from Buck toward his parents. “You had better accept the family I have made for myself here, or you are not going to be in my family.”

“You would cut us off?”

“Yes.” Eddie had no regrets about how much conviction he had in his voice. Seeing how Buck’s parents were about treating him with his leg like he didn’t exist, Eddie had seen how his parents only cared about him when it came to Chris and the honor he gave them for serving in the military. It wasn’t something that he felt like he should be held to. Serving had been good. Eddie had grown up while serving; he had learned a lot about himself and how he was in the world.

There were regrets about his time serving, but the biggest thing he didn’t regret was how it turned him into the man that could be Chris’ father. Into a man who didn’t hide from his feelings. The man who could embrace the love that Buck had him for him and his son. There wasn’t a lot that Buck wouldn’t do for them. Buck loved people in a way that Eddie had never seen before but just seeing what effect Buck’s family had on him when they didn’t love him for who he was, Eddie understood Buck just accepting anything and everything until it became too much.

“How are you doing?” Athena asked as she laid her hand on Eddie’s shoulder.

It pulled Eddie out of his thoughts, and he looked to the side at her, then at his parents, who weren’t moving very fast at getting up.

“I’m okay, Athena,” Eddie said. He saw the slight jerk that his father made at the name. His father knew exactly who Athena was. Ramon and Helena sped up on getting ready to leave.

“Good. I’m going to make sure Buck doesn’t need anything. You enjoy your time with your family who loves you for who you are rather than making you try and become someone you are not to get their love.” Athena kissed Eddie’s cheek before heading toward the bigger table to check on Buck.

“When you have figured out this path you are on ends in devastation, call us, Edmundo; we will take you in and shelter you from the storm that will see you losing your son.”

“Leave,” Adriana and Sofia said at the same time.

Eddie wasn’t shocked that his parents were trying to scare him. He hadn’t been the best right after Shannon left, but he had never been there for every aspect of Chris’ care, and he needed help. He hadn’t realized that his parents were so horrible that they would hold that over him even years later. Eddie had loved his parents beyond all measure until he had been out in the world. He had tried to bury his head in the sand and push through, but there were times he wondered what would have happened if he had gone with Shannon to California when she asked.

Shoving away what might have been, Eddie focused on his sisters. “So, when are you coming up here to live?”

Abuela laughed, and Pepa patted Eddie on the shoulder.

“We are actually thinking about it. Greg got an offer for up in the coming months at his company. They would pay to move us. After today, I think he might take it.”

“Oh, I am planning on it. The kids would love it up here, and we would get to see Abuela a lot more.”

“So, I have a question,” Hen asked.

“Yes?” Adriana answered.

“Your last name is Diaz, still.”

“Oh, yes, I forget that not everyone here would know it; Gregory’s last name is Diaz as well. It was quite funny, and it was why we started to talk when we were in college together. It makes people think that Greg and Eddie are brothers instead of me being his sister. It was a bit of a scandal, but we are from vastly different regions, so if there is a blood connection, it’s beyond anything that could harm my children and me. We had our DNA done in one of those 23andMe tests last year. There wasn’t a relative between us based on it.”

“That’s wild,” Hen said.

“It made everything damned easy. I was able to get things taken care of easily. Though I had a few side-eyes when I said I didn’t need to change my name.”

“I also let some people think that I changed my name just to freak them out,” Gregory said.

“How does that go over?” Karen asked as she turned from where she was seated at the table next to them.

“Like a lead balloon.” Eddie laughed as he remembered the last time he had been around when Gregory had done that. They had been out for a guys’ night while Adriana watched Chris.

“That was the worst. Most just give me a strange look, and then it’s ignored.”

“That dude tried to hit you,” Eddie said.

“He was a drunk asshole who didn’t like that the girls were all talking to us instead of them. We were married, and we were safe to them. The drunk assholes were making them feel unsafe. He assumed something about my masculinity because he thought I had taken my wife’s name. He didn’t like that I refused to be submissive to him, and he really didn’t like it when I put him on his ass after he threw the first and his last punch at me.”

“What happened?” Karen looked like she wanted the gossip more than anything.

“Well, he threw it, I caught it and then spun him and put him on his knees using that punch. He kept fighting, so I got him on his ass as he could not move that way until the bar security got there to escort him out. We went back to our drinks, and everything was fine.”

“It was the strongest reaction, but it wasn’t too bad,” Adriana said.

“No, it wasn’t.”

Eddie looked around at everyone who was in there. They were his family and extended family that he had found. These people supported him with no ulterior motives.

Chapter Four

Buck settled his crutches down on the bench as he got his leg up on the other side of it. He needed this even if today was mainly just watching Chris and Eddie having a lot of fun on rides and doing games on the pier. Chris had wanted a day out to just enjoy himself with summer in full swing. There wasn’t a reason that the pier was off-limits. Lily had Emma for the day, enjoying a little time with her goddaughter. Buck had seen a few pictures of them having fun at the park.

The date jumped at Buck when he checked his phone, and he frowned before looking up at Eddie and Chris. They had been planning Emma’s first birthday for a while now, and while it wasn’t extravagant like many other parties were, Buck found that it was still going to be mostly for the adults and kids than the birthday girl. He was okay with that as the picture was going to be wonderful. Emma would see how much love there was for her when she got older. Buck hadn’t ever been around anyone who had been adopted outside of a step-parent adopting a child when the birth parent remarried. Buck wasn’t ever going to lie to her about where she came from, but he wanted evidence that he loved her if she ever questioned it.

April had been working on getting all pictures that she could find of Emma and everyone around her, and it was being complied into a large online photo array with albums based on events or just passage of time. Buck touched the link to it, and he opened it to the image of Emma lying on Eddie in bed one morning after Eddie had come home from a shift from hell and had passed out still in his jeans and socks. Emma had got onto the bed and had chosen that she needed more sleep as well, sleeping on top of Eddie. It was the moment that Buck had accepted that he loved Eddie. He had known it, but he hadn’t accepted it. There was so much still to unpack in his life, and he felt like a mess, but he was happiest with Eddie.

Buck had not accepted fully living with Eddie yet, he never said he was going to go back to the other house to Eddie, but he also hadn’t let him accept that Eddie’s house was where he was going to live. Doctor Guentzel wasn’t shocked by it and had been helping as much as possible.

“So, how do you feel?” Eddie asked, surprising Buck.

Buck looked up at him. Eddie was smiling, but the crinkling of his eyes was hidden by his sunglasses.

“I’m good. I just need to keep my leg up for a little. I’m not tired. Things are good, I promise.”

“I just want to make sure. How long do you think? Chris wants a slushie, and it’s a small hike away. I thought I could leave you two here and go get it.”

“That sounds wonderful. I want pink,” Buck said.

“Green,” Chris said. He walked carefully over to sit down beside Buck. Buck took his crutches and added them to the pile of his. “Thank you.”

“You are most welcome. So we will stay right here.”

“Good. I have no clue what flavor I want. I’m going to base that on flavor, not color.”

Buck laughed, and he shook his head as Eddie flounced off. Buck loved that man with all of his heart, and it scared him.

“How did your appointment go this morning?” Chris asked.

“Just fine.”

“There is nothing wrong with your leg?”

“Oh, buddy, no. I had an appointment with Doctor Guentzel, not my leg doctor.”

“Which one is that?”

“He’s the one who makes sure my thoughts are working like they should. So he’s kind of a head and a heart doctor but not like physical but mental.”

“Like the ones that Daddy saw for a while after he came home.”

“Like them, yes.” Buck reached out, and he ruffled Chris’ hair before looking out at the families who were there on the pier. This hadn’t been the plan for the day, but Eddie had taken one look at Buck after picking him up and said they were not going to brood in the house.

“Do you have something wrong?” Chris asked.

“I had a bad childhood, and it gave me a few traits that I didn’t like. I had something done to me that wasn’t right, and I was having trouble dealing with it. My friend Abby helped me find someone after she was the one that pointed out how bad what happened to me was. I keep going to him right now until I feel like I don’t need him. We talk a lot, and I have to learn how to see things differently and react to them differently. It’s not the worst thing, and he’s good for me.”

“I’m glad you go and see him.”

“I usually go right after shifts, but yesterday he wasn’t able to see me due to another patient who needed him more. I would never want him to say no to someone since I’ve had crises come up that make it to where I need him.”

“Dad’s coming back.”

Buck looked over to see that Eddie was coming back. He had two big drinks and a small one. Chris had a pout on his face.

“You know that you will drink part of ours,” Buck said as he poked Chris in the side.

“Cause you guys love me,” Chris said.

“We do, mijo.” Eddie handed Chris his slushie before he handed Buck his. He sat down on the ground between Buck and Chris and gave them both cheers before taking his drink. “What were you talking about?”

“Chris wanted to make sure my doctor appointment went well. He was afraid something was wrong with my leg. I made sure he knew it wasn’t about my leg.”

“Well, we are both worried about the screw situation and you having to have them replaced with something different with the blood clots that were forming.”

Buck knew that they were both worried. He had been freaked out about that himself. Bobby was around more to make sure that Buck was doing okay, and there was something in his interactions with Buck that Buck wasn’t sure how to take. The man seemed like he was guilty about something.

“So, what are we doing for your birthday, Bucky?” Chris asked.

“My birthday? Who told you about that?”

“Tommy did. He said you forgot it last year.”

“Yeah, I did, but I had a lot going on that day. I’m not saying I am proud of it, but at least I only forgot my own and not everyone else’s for the year. I just have never really celebrated it. I didn’t have big parties as a kid. Maddie didn’t either, but she usually did something with her friends at the house, a sleepover or something like it. I didn’t even get that. One year my friend and his parents had me over and then told my parents I was welcome to stay the night. I had a lot of fun, and it was the best birthday I remember.”

“That’s sad, Bucky. Even when we were in El Paso and Dad worked three jobs, he made time to spend the day with me where he could take off all of his jobs to make sure I felt special. Breakfast was what I wanted, lunch somewhere and then a party, even if it was just small and just family with a few of my friends. Your parents never did that for you?”

“Not everyone is really ready to be parents, Chris. Some are happy with one kid, and any more than that is something they don’t want,” Eddie said.

“There are others who want that one perfect kid, be it a boy or a girl, and if they get the other, they are not happy.”

“Is that what happened with you?” Chris asked.

“Yes, I think so. I’ve asked them before why they can’t love me. They never answer. There are a few years between Maddie and me, and usually larger gaps like that mean it’s done that way on purpose and the second child is wanted or the second child is an accident.”

“You think you were an accident?” Chris asked.

“I think so. Maddie made my life as good as she could, and I love her for it. I love my sister just as much as your father loves your aunts. We just have a very different life, and it’s taking some time to get things settled down between us as she learns who I am.”

“I’m glad that you are happy with us, Bucky,” Chris said.

“I am too, Chris. I am too.”

—

Buck woke up to the sound of Emma laughing with Chris. He reached over for the baby monitor, but it was already off. He opened his eyes and looked around to find Chris and Emma sitting on the bed and looking at him.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” Chris yelled.

Emma said something that sounds like her mangled versions of Happy Birthday.

“And happy birthday to you too, Emma doll,” Buck said as he sat up and opened his arms. Emma came crashing across the bed to fall into his arms.

“Where is your father?” Buck asked. He looked at where the other part of the bed was empty. Sleeping beside Eddie on the days that Eddie slept at home had become something Buck craved. Buck had no issues sleeping when Eddie wasn’t there, but he loved having Eddie there. Some nights though, Buck needed that other bed. He needed to be able to lay his leg out in a way that would make it hard for him to be in bed with someone else.

“Making you breakfast. He said that you deserve a good breakfast.”

“He makes breakfast a lot.”

“Yes, but this one is special. We are to keep you in bed until it’s time for breakfast. So don’t get up. Unless you are going to the bathroom. I think I can let you go to the bathroom.”

“That’s good because I do need to. I’m gonna take Emma with me, so she doesn’t fall off the bed following me.”

“Okay. I’ll sit here, but I’ll come after you if you take too long.”

Buck laughed, and he sat up, carrying Emma with him before settling her down on the floor. She let go of his hand and took off, her running steps sounding toward the kitchen. Buck took his time in the bathroom and opened the door when he was mostly done. He sat down on the toilet after he was done and unhooked his boot. He grabbed the rag from the sink and wiped down his leg carefully, checking his surgery scars that were forming, and was pleased with them. The cast had been discarded after his last surgery, and he had been in a brace for the first few days and then a boot once the wounds had been healed up enough. He liked the boot because he could wipe his leg down as needed. He would sweat in the night in the boot, so he liked to clean off his foot in the morning.

“Da?” Emma asked.

Buck looked up, and he saw that she had a banana slice squashed in her hand and was offering it to him.

“No, Emma, you eat it.”

Emma shoved it into her mouth before turning to leave again. Buck dried off his leg and put on lotion before getting the boot back on. He made sure it was snug before he stood up. He grabbed the wall as he took a hesitant step to make sure before he headed back to the bedroom. Chris was lying on the bed and reading the book that Buck had at the bedside about NASA that he was seeing if it was too dry for Chris to enjoy reading.

“Feel better?” Chris asked.

“Yes.” Buck gave Chris a glance to see that he was hiding something in the blankets near him, a lump that was a little too uniform to be just a blanket lump from Chris moving around.

“Good. I want to give you my present with no one around.” Chris pulled back the blanket, showing off the slightly horribly wrapped ball.

“Why?” Buck asked.

“I don’t like it when people look at me when other people open my gifts. I just don’t like it. So Daddy always gets his stuff when it’s just him and I.”

“I get that. So let’s see what is in here.”

Buck picked up the ball, and he eyed where to open it. The wrapping paper was covered in “Happy Birthday” in many different languages. Buck had been with Eddie when he bought the wrapping paper. The ridges on the ball told him it was a soccer ball, but Buck wasn’t sure why he had gotten one of those from Chris.

“I saw it in the store and asked Dad if we could ask Tommy for pictures to do one for you. He agreed. I hope you like it.”

Buck found the part he wanted to use to rip, and he did. What was staring at him was Chris’ face, so he ripped the rest of the paper off to see it was a custom-made soccer ball that had a picture on each surface. Most of them were of Emma with Buck, while a few of Chris and Eddie and a few with all four of them. One of the Buck in the house with Tommy and everyone in the house. Then another of the 118. Buck rotated it a few times, liking that they were all facing the right way so that some weren’t upside down when others weren’t.

“Do you like it?”

“I love it. I love it so much.”

“Dad’s got the stand, so you can display it on your dresser in here.”

“Oh, that’s what that is,” Buck said. He got up off the bed, careful of his foot, and he set the ball down on the little stand, and he moved it until it showed his three favorite pictures. It wasn’t a shock that they were together on the ball. Everyone knew that he really liked them. He rotated between them as the background on his phone. One was of him and Emma. One of him, Eddie, and Chris, and the final was of all four covered in silly string. Even Emma had a wide grin on her face in it. He moved to where that was on display best, and then he walked back to the bed.

Buck picked up Christopher, and he sat down with the boy in his lap and hugged him. “I love it. So very much. I’m glad you gave it to me when it’s just you and I. Sometimes parties are too much. It’s why I have Emma’s party being very small for lunch and not a big dinner thing.”

“I think she’ll like it. I’m glad we are having it over at the other house. It’s too small here for it.”

“Yeah, I like having it over there as well. She’ll have a lot of fun. I think everyone will.” Buck was looking forward to it, and he had already made sure that no one gave him anything during the party. He wanted the focus to be on Emma. He didn’t mind stuff beforehand or after, but he wanted her to be in the spotlight during Emma’s celebration. He didn’t want the focus to be on him. She deserved her own party. There would be time for him to be in the spotlight later.

“I think so too. Dad likes parties like this, where it’s all fun and little stress. I have pictures of my parties, and even when Dad was able to be there for them, he always looked really stressed. So I hope that you won’t be stressed at her party.”

“I hope not too.” Buck looked up as he saw movement in the corner of his eye. Eddie was leaning in the doorway dressed in a pair of jeans with a smile on his face.

“Hungry?” Eddie asked.

“I am. Is it ready?”

“It is. I thought about breakfast in bed, but I think breakfast in the dining room is better. Come on.” Eddie cocked his head toward the dining room.

Buck stood up with Chris in his arms, moving the boy to where he was able to be carried by Buck into the dining room. The table was laid out with enough food for the three of them and some oatmeal for Emma, which was her new kick. It was the only food she wanted to eat sometimes.

“This looks awesome, Eds. Thank you.” Buck pressed a kiss to Eddie’s cheek, and the man wrapped him in a hug.

“You are welcome. Happy birthday,” Eddie said.

“Thanks. I think this is the first birthday in my life that I have looked forward to it.”

—

Eddie looked at where Buck was sitting with Emma in his lap as the last gift was opened up. Food and drink were long done, but Emma had been having such a time playing with the other kids that she refused to open presents. It had been a shock to everyone but Eddie and Buck.

“How are you doing?” Pepa asked as she stepped over to him with a glass of water in her hand.

Eddie took the glass and drank before he gave Pepa a smile. “I’m good. I think this was the least stressful birthday party I have ever seen planned or executed. Buck never got stressed outside of wondering if she would ever want to open her presents.”

“He just wanted people to have fun. It’s easy to plan for that. The only stress for something like this comes from what you put on yourself. My mother made them stressless, but your mother made them horrible. One time she turned your father loose into the backyard with his friends, and they played for hours, and then the party part happened. Stress-free, and she got to get the food ready without the kids underfoot.”

“The backyard led into the woods behind the house,” Eddie said.

“Yes, it did, and it was great. We had fun there, and no one got lost. We all lived.”

Eddie laughed.

“So your grandmother and I took Buck’s comment about not wanting a gift beyond a meal, but we also chose to disregard that as well. We are keeping Chris and Emma tonight. You and Buck deserve to go out to dinner on his birthday. She’s young right now and won’t care. Have fun while you can. You can pick them up in the morning and do something with them if you feel like you missed them.”

“You don’t have to do that. I had plans to cook him a good dinner once the kids were in bed. My dating game is on point, Tía,” Eddie said.

“Oh, Sobrino, don’t play that game with me. You know that you could have a horrible date, and he would just smile and laugh. That chico is so in love that you could make comida de mierda, and he would eat it and love it.”

Eddie laughed, but he also knew it was true. He looked at Buck and smiled at the picture he made. Next week they would find out if he could come back to work. He had been keeping his upper body fit, and Eddie hoped that he would be able to come back to work.

Once Buck had the doctor’s approval, he would be working with a trained physical therapist who would make sure that Buck didn’t fuck up his healing but also was working on getting his legs back up to where they needed to be then trained to be able to get back to work. The leg would take time, but Eddie knew Buck could do it.

“Well, I thank you, Pepa. I’ll change what I am making because I hadn’t planned on being able to have a little more fun than normal.”

“I don’t need to know that, Eddito.”

“I meant dancing. Emma will wake up if there is any music playing. I had a song for Buck’s ringtone, and she was napping one day when it went off. It woke her up. Now I have random noises.”

Pepa laughed as she pulled Eddie in for a hug. “That’s adorable. You had a dance phase as well. You used to make your sisters dance with you all the time. How does Chris like it?”

“He really likes it. Emma doesn’t care what he does as long as he is moving. He’s gotten good at wiggling and making a few simple moves. Buck’s been having fun teaching them both a few moves as well. He knows nearly the entire dance routines to a few boy band songs. It’s great to watch. He says he learned them from watching Maddie and her friends. He looks adorable when he’s trying to teach Emma how to dance.”

“Well, enjoy your evening with him, and don’t tell me anything else of what you do, please, Sobrino.” Pepa cupped the side of Eddie’s face, and then she walked away to entertain Emma a little while she was on Buck’s lap. She was getting a little tired, and it was easy to see.

Eddie knew what she looked like when she was getting too tired, and Eddie walked over to pick her up and set her down in her lap. She made a face and then just slumped into him.

“I think the birthday girl needs a nap.” Eddie picked up her hand and waved it at Buck.

“I think so as well. This is the last present.” Buck held out a bit of ribbon to Emma, who grabbed it and pulled. The wrapping kind of fell away with a little help from Buck. Inside it was a stuffed purple dinosaur that matched Chris’ one.

Emma picked it up, and she tugged it close.

“Ah, that’s why it’s last,” Eddie said.

“Yup, I kept it close so that she wouldn’t want to open it any sooner than when I wanted. I’m going to go and lay her down before I come back to usher the guests out.” Buck kissed Eddie on the cheek before picking up Emma from his lap.

“I’ll see about passing out the small things to people,” Eddie said.

“Thanks.”

Eddie waited for Buck and Emma to get inside before he turned to look at those who were around. Most had wandered off when it was evident the birthday girl was done opening presents. It was good to see, but Eddie was sure the other kids would be leaving soon. Eddie started to gather up the trash from the presents scattered around when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned to see it was Hen and Karen.

“So Buck wanted no presents, but your Abuela told us she was taking Chris and Emma when I made a comment to her that I was going to offer to take at least Chris so you two could have the night together. So we picked up a trio of wines. We left them inside in the kitchen. No clue what you ended up deciding to make for dinner, but hopefully, one of them will go with it.”

“I’m sure that one will, and if not, I’ll change something to where it does match. I was already going to change what I made a little bit since we don’t have to worry about either kid. So that is what took so long when you offered to go and get more ice after the juice in the ice chest incident.”

“Yes.” Hen smiled at Eddie and then laughed. She was looking behind Eddie.

Eddie turned to see Buck coming out with icing on his lips from stealing a cupcake from the kitchen. There had been a few in there that Buck had ordered for the adults with a little bit of liquor in them that hadn’t been cooked off. Buck had saved his for after the party, but it seemed he chose to eat it now.

“Go and be with your guy. We will work on this while the kids play.”

“Well, I think Buck’s gonna want to wrap the party a little bit anyway. She’s gonna go down for a nap, and then when she gets up, Chris will give her his present.”

“Buck told me about his present from Chris. It’s adorable. Denny didn’t like seeing opening gifts from him for about a year, so I understand where Chris can be coming from on that. I’ll have some of the kids help us,” Hen said.

“Thanks. I’ll see what Buck wants to do about the food. No one has left yet, so if people start to talk about leaving, make sure they get the little gift bags. It’s nothing big, just a whole bunch of mass-marketed toys and a few sweets.”

“Will do,” Hen said.

Eddie walked over to Buck and wiped at the icing still on Buck’s face. He licked the finger and then did it again. The icing had the taste of bourbon in it. Eddie really wanted to chase that taste in Buck’s mouth.

Despite how touchy-feely they were, Buck had been pulling away when it came to sex, and Eddie understood his reservations. Eddie was more than willing to wait for Buck to be ready for that kind of intimacy. They already slept in the same bed every night, and Buck had agreed to live with them. It was it for them, and they were happy about it. There was no need to push on sex, though Eddie knew that Buck was scared of sex with emotions.

Buck’s eyes were on Eddie’s finger as he pulled it from his mouth. Eddie smiled and pulled Buck in for a quick kiss.

“Hen and Karen are helping get the kids to clean up some, and then we can clean up the rest of the stuff with Tommy and everyone. How do you feel about that?”

“Sounds like a plan. Derek’s inside with the monitor and working on that reference for the friend who is moving jobs. So he’ll be good to keep an eye on her. Does Chris want a nap?”

“It’s a little too late, but I had hoped to get him to settle in with a game later to relax some. He rested most of the morning.”

Cleaning up and saying goodbyes to the guests was easy; not many of them weren’t family in Eddie’s eyes. Just a few neighbors on the street. Everyone else stayed and cleaned since they lived there or were full-on family.

“What’s this?” Buck asked as he pulled the envelope from Eddie’s pocket as Eddie was doing the few dishes that were not paper or couldn’t fit into the dishwasher.

“Oh, I am not sure, actually. It’s supposed to be a present from Scott and Riccardo for your birthday. I was told to let you open it with no little eyes since Scott’s not sure what is in there.”

“Hmm. Let me see.” Buck untucked the flap from the inside of the envelope, and he pulled out a sheet of paper. He frowned as he opened it up.

“What is it?” Eddie asked.

“It’s an invitation to a date. The menu is mostly set, but we can make a few changes. Not only is the meal covered by Riccardo, but it seems that childcare is also in it for the night with Hen and Karen. It’s for next month. It’s a Saturday night. Which we do have off. It’s the start of our long break. I remember looking at afternoon things to do with Chris and Emma that day. We would have time to do both. I didn’t want gifts.”

“No, but people like you, Buck. They want to give you things. Hen and Karen got us wine. They didn’t give us things we didn’t want; it was all things we would use, thoughtful gifts that show how much they know us. Be happy.”

“I am. I’m just glad I didn’t get more things I don’t want. It’s what I got last year once everyone figured out my birthday had been missed cause of Emma. Bobby was kind of upset I didn’t take my birthday off. We were just lucky with today. I’ve never taken it off. It just didn’t seem like it was something I wanted.”

“I don’t usually take mine off either. I will probably now because of Emma. I think it was a good birthday, wasn’t it?”

“It was. Bobby was taking pictures left and right along with Hen and Karen. Everyone, even the adults, had fun. Where are the rest of the cupcakes?”

“Well, the kid ones all went home with someone. I think that even Scott took a few to have fun with. At least that is what I assume the grin was for.”

“I don’t want to think about what they are doing with them, but I was asking about the alcohol ones.”

“Oh, there are three left, and I hid them when I got the one I ate earlier. We can have them for dessert.”

“What if I already had another dessert planned?” Eddie looked behind as Buck was silent. He turned back to look at the dish in his hand and waited for Buck to move close like it seemed he was going to.

“Well, it’s my birthday, and I want bourbon-flavored cupcakes.” Buck nipped at Eddie’s ear and then pressed a kiss behind his ear.

“Then I guess that’s what you are getting. Is this all the dishes?”

“Yes. I’ll go help everyone outside since you are almost done,” Buck said.

Eddie didn’t want Buck to step back, but he also knew that Chris wanted to watch a movie with Buck and Emma when Emma woke up, and it would be anytime that she would be doing that, so getting everything done first was a good idea.

Eddie checked his phone hours later before shutting it off and getting the music ready to dance to. Dinner was eaten. Dessert and the bottle of ice wine that Bobby had given Buck as a birthday present were after dancing. Athena had given them a simple present of her and Bobby babysitting if they wanted a night out, to be used whenever.

“Ready for the fun part?” Eddie asked when Buck came back from calling Abuela to check on Emma. Eddie had called about Chris an hour before just before they sat down to their late dinner.

“What do you mean by fun part?” Buck asked.

“You’ve been good without crutches, so I thought that maybe we could try some dancing, not like you do with the kids but dancing.”

“Like standing in place and swaying?” Buck asked.

“Something like that.” Eddie held out his hand, and Buck laid his hand in his. Eddie pulled him close. Buck went into Eddie’s arms with ease, not fighting it as Eddie pulled him close. The closeness wasn’t the issue.

“This is kind of nice. I don’t think that I would have liked it in high school. I don’t remember going to a single dance. There wasn’t anyone I really liked in school, and it was something I never would have got my parents to take me to.”

“Well, I’m glad I got your first dance like this then,” Eddie said.

Buck turned his face to where his lips were right at Eddie’s ear. “I love you, Eddie.”

“I love you, too, Evan,” Eddie said.

“I think I want wine and dessert.”

“I’ll get them then. You sit down and get your leg up for a few. We can eat some cupcakes and share the bottle of wine before we do the rest of the dancing; how does that sound?”

Eddie was in the kitchen getting the wine uncorked, and the cupcakes dug out of where Buck had hidden them when they got home when the doorbell rang. “I’ll get it!”

Eddie handed off the wine and cupcakes to Buck on the couch. On the other side of the door was Maddie, and she looked like she had been crying.

“Maddie, what are you doing here?”

“Maddie?” Buck asked.

Eddie let her in, and he shut the door before heading into the living room, giving Buck no time at all really with her alone.

“I’ve been fighting with myself on this, but I just have to do it. Evan, you need to get checked for Leukemia,” Maddie said.

“Leukemia? Why? My scans are all fine.”

“You are having problems with your bones,” Maddie said.

“No, I had an issue with the screws throwing blood clots. Those were removed. It’s fine.”

“No, Evan, you don’t understand. You need to be checked. We need to go now and have someone look at you for Leukemia markers. You need to do as I say.”

“Why?” Eddie asked. She looked freaked out, and Eddie wasn’t sure she was thinking clearly.

“Because it’s what Daniel died of. I can’t lose Evan to the same thing!”

Eddie looked at Buck, who was mouthing the name Daniel. Whoever Daniel was, Buck had no idea who he was.

“Evan, let’s go. I refuse to lose another brother like this!”

Chapter Five

Eddie looked at Buck, who had a finger in his mouth, and his leg was jiggling up and down. He looked like he was about to vibrate out of his seat if someone stopped him from bouncing the leg. Eddie looked at his watch again and wondered what was going to happen. Derek and Stella were going to go and get Chris and Emma when Abuela texted them that they were up and ready to go. Eddie hadn’t even known what to say to her when she asked what had happened. What Buck wanted to share about this was not exactly the best thing in the world.

“Well?” Buck asked.

“Nope,” Tommy answered.

“Ugh,” Buck said, and he threw himself up to walk over to a part of the waiting room that had a path worn on the throw rug that was over the main rug.

Eddie had wondered what it was, and now he knew. It was where people could pace. It looked like it needed to be replaced soon, which was probably why there was a throw rug there, to begin with.

“Tell me,” Buck said.

“Oh, hell no. Not until he gets here.”

“He’s on his way,” the assistant said. She had been the one to call that morning to tell them to go in as soon as they could.

Buck glared at Tommy and started to pace again.

A few minutes later, the door opened, and the man who stepped in looked at Eddie and then at Tommy. He rubbed at the bridge of his nose. “Firefighters Diaz and Kinard, I have a feeling that one or both of you might be best to join us today.”

“I’m going in. I’ve got the goods. Well, I’ve got the goods that Lily found.”

“I guess I should say I am happy the whole house didn’t show up. Buck, go ahead. Charlotte, make us up one of the larger pots of tea and make sure there is plenty of water. I’m going to grab something from my office, and I’ll then be in. Diaz, Kinard, please follow Buck in. He’ll pick his seat first, and then you can.”

Eddie waited for the door to shut to the office before he got up to head into the room that Buck went into. Buck was seated in a window with his feet up on an ottoman that had been pulled over there. There was a chair near there, and Tommy waved Eddie toward it while he dropped onto the couch.

“Buck, do you want to start?”

“I…don’t think I can,” Buck said.

“Doctor Guentzel, how about I start? I’m a little further away from this. Maddie showed up at Eddie’s house last night. Demanding that Buck go in for an exam at the ER to check for Leukemia.”

“I’ve been keeping her on the edge of my medical situation with my leg since she’s been the one to push what she thinks on me. Well, she’s heard enough from people to know that I had an issue. She assumed it has to do with cancer.”

“We talked about keeping her out of things since she wasn’t letting you make decisions with your doctor without trying to tell you that you are wrong.”

“Yes. Well, that means she only heard little bits, and she didn’t know the screws were causing the blood clots.” Buck gripped the leg of his pants, and he squeezed the fabric.

Eddie knew what was coming next, so he watched Doctor Guentzel’s face.

“Maddie was worked up, and I don’t think she meant to let slip what she did. She said that she wasn’t going to lose another brother like that.”

The emotions over the doctor’s face at Tommy’s words were like he was watching one of them stripping naked in front of him. He looked down at his notebook and then flipped a few pages back.

“You have never talked about a brother.”

“No,” Buck said, his voice cracking over the word.

“I see. Is Maddie in the middle of a break with reality?”

“No,” Eddie said.

“So you have a dead brother that you never knew about?”

“Yes.” Buck swallowed and tried not to fidget.

“What else do you know about him?”

Eddie reached over and touched Buck’s hand. “I got the name Daniel out of her once I got her out of the house. Stella was outside with Derek when they saw it and got Tommy to come back over and help me. Tommy is the one that looked up everything.”

“And how do you feel about what you learned?” Guentzel asked.

“Eddie and I haven’t told him anything yet. He wanted to do that here, and I forced that issue after a little bit of research into what was going on. I didn’t want to go into anything that would set him spiraling.”

“I don’t think I like that,” Guentzel said.

“Daniel Buckley’s obituary mentioned that he died of Leukemia shortly after Buck turned one,” Tommy said.

“And how long of a gap is there between you and your sister, Buck?”

“Eight almost nine years.”

Eddie could see what Guentzel was getting out of that as well. It was the same thing that Eddie and Tommy had come to. Maddie had said something to Eddie that had been spinning in his head.

“There was a time when Maddie said that we moved. I don’t remember living anywhere but Hershey.”

“Did she tell you when your family moved?”

“After I was born but nothing more than that.”

“Last night,” Eddie started. He picked at a small bead of thread on his jeans before he exhaled. “Maddie made the comment that Buck hadn’t been able to save Daniel.”

“Savior sibling,” Guentzel said.

“Wait, that thing where parents have kids to be spare parts for another kid of theirs?”

“Not spare parts,” Eddie said.

“Well,” Tommy said.

Eddie glared at the man.

“Look, we cannot tell him what to think about himself. He will think what he wants, and that’s the end of it,” Tommy said.

“How certain are you?” Guentzel asked.

“Well, we don’t have facts on anything, but it fits better than anything. There is such a large gap, and it’s obvious that his parents want nothing to do with him.”

“I just always assumed there was an accident with birth control or something, and they refused to terminate. I think I would still love that to be it.”

“Buck,” Tommy said.

“No, I know. At least I know now. I know that they never wanted me. They wanted someone to save the son they did want, and when I couldn’t even do that, they just stopped trying. It makes so much sense,” Buck said. He rubbed at his eyes, then he dropped his head back to the window before looking outside.

“Buck, do you want them to stay?”

“Yeah, that’s fine. They are the two that are going to have to deal with me for the next while.”

“It’s never a burden,” Tommy said. He got up and walked over to where Buck was sitting down. He sat down on the ottoman and touched Buck’s good knee. “I know you have issues, but Buck, you are never a burden to me. You are never a burden to Eddie. You are who you are, and that’s fine.”

Buck nodded his head. There were so many strides that Buck had made, and Eddie feared that this would set him back a great deal.

“Where is Emma?” Guentzel asked.

“She is with Eddie’s grandmother and aunt,” Tommy answered.

“And Chris?”

“Same. They were on a date last night and getting ready to dance in the living room when Maddie came over.”

“She came over to tell you this on your birthday?”

“I’m not even sure that she knows it was my birthday. It used to be her and I against our parents, but now I wonder.”

“What do you know about why she has never told you?”

Buck looked at Eddie.

“She told me that their parents made her promise to never tell him.”

“So she kept that secret even after she became an adult? She kept it even after Evan became an adult?”

“It explains so much of why nothing I could ever do would make them happy. Why I wasn’t allowed to play sports. Why my mother freaked out so much when Maddie taught me to ride a bike, and I got hurt. I think the bike was Daniel’s. My father said something that didn’t make any sense, and then the next day, I had a new bicycle. It was never talked about again, and I never saw the other bike again.”

“Well, let’s work through things, and your friends can help settle a few things if we need them.”

“Okay, doc,” Buck said.

—

Buck knew he was too quiet, and it was making Emma act a little strange.

“How are you feeling?” Eddie asked as he handed over an open bottle of Buck’s favorite beer. Having it open meant that Buck would be less willing to not drink it. It was too good to waste.

“Raw. Numb. Off-kilter, and a million other words that mean the same thing. I don’t know how I really feel.”

Emma looked at the two of them as she stopped playing with the blocks that she had gotten from Hen and Karen. Her dinosaur was sitting beside her.

“I don’t understand how anyone can’t love a kid they made, then I remember that they didn’t want a kid. They wanted a person to save the son they wanted. I thought that Maddie was the favorite kid for most of my life. Then she pissed them off by marrying Doug when they didn’t want her to. I thought she was brave, bucking what they wanted. I thought that it was what made her and me too alike. Then my whole life is reshaped by an event I wasn’t even alive to know about and then too young to remember.”

“Maddie loves you. It’s not a normal type of love as she’s twisted up about her sisterly love and then the maternal love she has inside of her that’s from pretty much raising you for the first few years. Knowing what I know, I doubt that your parents paid much attention to you.”

“I don’t remember it, no. My early memories are fuzzy. Her not wanting me to have surgery makes so much more sense now. Her reaction to everything. It makes so much sense in hindsight.”

“Well, hindsight is 20/20,” Eddie said.

Buck laughed and shoved at Eddie, then he curled up into him. Eddie wrapped his arms around him.

“I’m kind of glad you aren’t back to work yet. You can worry about taking care of yourself mentally before you add in that stress.”

“Doc thinks that I might need to do a session with Doctor Copeland to see if she sees anything different than him. Especially in the aftermath of this. He said that they haven’t discussed me since my third visit, so he’s pretty sure that if he’s blind to something, she might see it.”

“Are you okay with that?”

“It was something that was talked about with me on my first visit. It’s why they work together most of the time. It’s a good sounding board when they have troublesome patients. He handles most extreme cases, and she takes the softer, but sometimes they each need that person to bounce an idea off. She’s bound to the same privacy based on the contract that I signed that she also signed along with Guentzel.”

“It’s an interesting tactic,” Eddie said.

“Yeah, I thought so as well. It’s worked so far with me. Or at least I assume it has.”

“What do you think for dinner? Out or in?”

“In, and we order pizza. I know we had some yesterday, but it’s what I want.”

“Of course. Have you turned on your phone yet?”

“Nope. Everyone who needs to get a hold of me knows to message or call you.”

“Okay. That’s fine, but you will have to before tomorrow.”

“I thought after lunch and before dinner. That way, I have time to calm down and eat dinner. Do you think that’s okay?”

“Yeah, that’s okay. If she comes over, I’m calling the cops,” Eddie said.

“Eds.” Buck tried to pull out of Eddie’s hold.

“I told her last night that I would, and she was only welcome if you called her and invited her over. Anything else, and I will call the cops.”

“Okay,” Buck said. The tone was sharp even to Buck’s ears.

“Buck,” Eddie said.

“I don’t want her arrested.”

“I wouldn’t have her arrested, just escorted off the property and had the cops make sure she understood she wasn’t allowed back until she had been invited.”

“I just want to not think about this for a while. What do you say we load up the kids in the truck and head to the zoo? I’ll get the bag ready for Emma; you work on Chris. I just need to not be here.”

“Okay,” Eddie said. He let go of Buck and let him get up.

Buck stretched when he did. Eddie grabbed him by his hips and pulled him back in. Pressing a kiss to Buck’s stomach.

“I want to make sure you understand you are not a burden, Buck. You never could be. You are you.”

“I’m slowly learning that,” Buck said.

“Good. I know there will be days that it goes backward, progress isn’t always forward, but if you need that break, we won’t be upset with you going back to the other house for a night. Well, Chris might pout and demand to go over there and see you.”

“I don’t think I will need to go back over there. Tommy’s looking to find a new person for my room. No one else wants it who lives there right now.”

“Well, let’s get ready.” Eddie looked up at Buck before he smiled. “We will have a very happy boy on our hands as soon as he figures out what we have planned for the next few hours.”

The packing up to head to the zoo for the rest of the day was easy. It was old hat for both of them at this point, for either of them packing for one of the kids, or both kids, really. The drive was like going into the station.

Buck looked over at Eddie as Eddie parked the truck. Chris was in the back, talking to Emma about the various animals and trying to get her to say penguin.

“Ready?” Eddied asked as he turned to look into the backseat.

“Are we getting a stroller?” Chris asked.

“Yes, we are going to rent one so that Emma can ride in it for naps, and we can carry your stuff in it.”

“Good. Do we have the leash for her as well?”

Eddie looked at Buck with a smile on his face, and for the first time today, Buck felt a genuine smile on his face. He loved how much Chris loved Emma. It hadn’t even been a year yet, and yet their families had blended together so well.

“Yes, mijo, I have the leash since it was still hanging up in the living room by the door.”

“It’s weird to leash a kid, but Emma needs it.”

Buck laughed, and he shook his head as he got out. He snagged the leash for Emma and tossed it across to Eddie before getting into the back to get Chris out. He got all of their stuff ready by setting it on the front seat. Eddie got Emma out and the leash around her before picking her up again. It was one of the backpack ones, and so her small things went in there, so the big bag didn’t have to be dug into too often.

“We are an old married couple,” Buck said.

“Yes,” Eddie said before kissing Buck’s cheek before setting Emma down.

“Can I ride on your shoulders, Dad?” Chris asked.

“How about Buck’s? Emma already wants to be with me.”

Buck looked down to see Emma holding onto Eddie’s leg. “Yeah, Chris. I can carry you.”

Chris looked down at Buck’s booted foot.

“I’m allowed. Your father was there when the doctor said that you weighed enough that I could walk for a while with you on my shoulders since you like that sort of thing.”

“Okay, but Dad can help me get onto your shoulders, so you don’t drop me.”

“You think I would drop you?”

“Not on purpose!” Chris tried to recover. He laughed as Buck started to tickle him and then got him into a fireman’s carry.

“I think I should carry you like this,” Buck said as he bounced a little. “Just like I was running away from a disaster with you.”

“Yeah, you’d be good at keeping me safe during something like that, wouldn’t you?”

“Well, buddy, we will never have to find out.” Buck looked up at Eddie and smiled at him.

Eddie slung the backpack and the diaper bag over his shoulder and slipped his hand through the leash loop. “Get up into the truck, Chris. So that you can climb on Buck’s shoulders better.”

It took a few seconds for Buck to get into position when it was time, but he was able to crouch in a way with his boot on and stand up with Chris on his shoulders. Buck took a hesitant step, and he felt no pain. He had maintained his body enough that he didn’t feel like carrying Chris was going to be too hard. He had been moving around and doing light training, so things should be shaping up for him. He just wasn’t sure if carrying Chris at the start was the best idea, but he was going to try it. He had been slowly adding more weights to his training again. He was pretty much back up where he needed to be for most things with his other leg.

Buck was pretty sure that he was going to feel exhausted by the end of the day, but his physical therapist wanted him to work on getting back to where he was before. He was going to come back to work. He wasn’t going to say something dramatic like he would get back to work or else. That urge that Buck felt for his short times off before Emma wasn’t there. He was learning how to shape his life to get satisfaction from his job, but it wasn’t his life anymore. Emma was his life. Chris and Eddie, too, but he felt a little strange saying that.

“How are you feeling?” Eddie asked once they got to the front area where the ticket booths were.

“Good, good. Actually. I think the work I’ve been doing is working really well. I don’t feel anything twinge at all, other than the stuff I get just walking across the room.”

“Still, once we are inside, you are going to put him down, yes?” Eddie asked.

“Of course.” Buck tried to dig out his wallet, but Eddie waved him away.

“You can pick up a meal to cover your and Emma’s tickets.”

Buck nodded his head, and he let go of his wallet and wrapped that hand around Chris’ leg again. Emma looked up at them both with a frown on her face, but it was not her upset frown, but her thinking frown.

“Okay, stuffed animal shop first?” Eddie asked.

“Yes, gotta see what she wants today.”

“Next year, we are getting a season membership as a family,” Eddie said.

“Next year, we will probably go enough to justify that.” Buck loved the zoo, and with Emma getting old enough to walk better and see things made sense. Chris loved it and would probably be happy going every weekend that he could. It wasn’t the worst idea, though. They could get away with a lot of touching here, with Chris looking at the animals and the leash being used on Emma.

Buck was kind of looking forward to that right now.

Buck crouched and let Eddie help Chris off his shoulders outside the shop. The crutches for Chris were pulled out of the holder on the backpack, and then they were ready to head inside.

Emma made a beeline for the larger stuffed animals, and Buck rolled his eyes as he followed along behind her. Eddie handed over the leash as Chris was headed over to the small handheld ones that he liked to carry around and pet while they sat down. His small pack was stuffed in the backpack. It allowed one of the smaller stuffed animals to fit in there, along with a few other small things he might pick around the place.

Buck felt Emma tug on the leash, so he looked down to see that she was tugging on it with her hand to get his attention.

“What’s up, Emmabug?”

Emma pointed at the large stuffed wolf that was on the display rack. Buck pulled it down, and Emma stared at it before trying to get it around her like Chris had been on Buck.

“Oh, I see. Okay. Hold on.” Buck helped Emma get the wolf exactly right. It was the perfect size for her to carry around like that. He pulled out his phone and took a picture. He found his app for Insta and tagged this for private, the same place he had been tagged by Eddie with the picture of Christopher. He added a few words and sent it off.

“Look at how cute,” Eddie said.

“She is adorable, isn’t she?” Buck asked.

“I guess she wants to be like her dad.”

“I love it, Emma,” Chris said as he walked over. He had a small otter peeking out of his bag with the tag hanging out to be scanned.

Buck turned to where he could head toward the register with Emma following along beside him, the head on the wolf bouncing as she walked. It was a little bigger than Buck would normally want her to have, but they could make it work when she got tired of carrying it around.

“Welcome back,” the young woman on the other side of the cash register said. She leaned over with her scanner and scanned Emma’s wolf, and then she waited for Chris to get close so she could get the otter as well. “Okay. So, we have a small harness here for animals that size. It will make a body harness to carry him around when she doesn’t want to like that. The harness is just around the body, not the neck, so the kids don’t freak out.”

“And where is this?” Eddie asked.

“We have them back here because of kids playing with them too much. I have a lot of colors; what does she like?”

“Purple and rainbow,” Buck said.

“Okay,” the young woman said. She pulled up two harnesses and laid them on the counter.

Buck moved to where he could pick up Emma to show her.

“Pup?” Emma asked.

“Yes, for your puppy. Which do you want?”

Emma grabbed the rainbow one and tried to get it on the wolf. The young woman scanned it and started to finish ringing them out. Eddie slipped up, pulled Buck’s wallet out, and inserted the card. Buck tapped the pin number and then finished getting the wolf in the harness.

“Do you want me to cut off the tags?” the young woman asked.

“Yes, please,” Eddie said as he slipped Buck’s card back into his wallet.

Buck held out the wolf the way it needed to be to cut off the tags. Emma put the wolf back right where she had it before when it was done and looked at Buck like she was ready to go.

“All right, you are ready to go,” Buck said. He looked at Chris. “Walking or being carried?”

“Walking for now. Maybe being carried later. Can we go watch the prairie dogs for a few minutes?” Chris asked.

“We sure can. I think that’s a good place to start,” Eddie said.

“Then we can stop and get water?”

“You just want to see what kind of cups they have.” Buck laughed as Chris gave him a smile.

“I’ll go ahead and get the stroller for the day so we can slip stuff down into there before we get the drinks.” Eddie handed over the backpack and the diaper bag to Buck for him to carry.

“Sounds good. We will be at the prairie dogs. Where Emma will stare at them for hours if we let her.”

Eddie leaned over and kissed Buck on the lips before heading toward the strollers for rent.

“Buck, you love Daddy, right?”

“I do.”

“And Daddy loves you?”

Buck swallowed as the words stuck in his throat. He was finally able to get them out. “Yes, he does.”

“Good. We need to pick a name for you. We can’t have me call Dad, dad, and then have Emma call you dad as well. It would get confusing.”

“Pa!” Emma said as she pointed at the prairie dogs when they got close to them.

Buck kept his words to himself as they headed to the prairie dogs and settled in to watch them. They were all scrambling around and playing. Emma smashed her face into the glass.

“Is that why she calls me Pa now?”

“Actually, I think that might be Tommy. He was talking to her yesterday about something and then called you that. Something happened last night. You are sad today, and Dad is watching you a lot.”

“I got some news that I am trying to figure out how to react to. It’s nothing that affects my health, so you don’t need to worry about that.”

“Are you sure, Bucky?”

“Yeah, little man. I’m good. I promise. So what do you think she wants to have happen here?” Buck asked as he pointed at Emma, who was lowly growling at the prairie dogs.

“I have no clue. She’s been growling at a lot of things lately.”

Emma turned around, and she smiled and bounced the wolf a little before turning back and looking at the prairie dogs.

“She’s having fun; that’s all that matters.” Buck stretched his leg out and looked at the hardware on his leg. Soon, he would just be in a brace of some kind. When he proved he wasn’t an idiot in therapy.

“Ready?” Eddie asked.

Buck stood up and handed over the diaper bag first, followed by the backpack. He waited until Eddie had all of that ready before walking over and scooping up Emma, making her squeal. She turned to glare at him for a second before looking back over at the prairie dogs and staring at them from her new height.

“The sooner we go, the quicker we get to the fishes,” Buck said.

Emma nodded her head to that. She blew the prairie dogs a kiss.

Buck pressed a kiss to her forehead and thought about how he just wanted to understand how his parents could have ever hated him.

—

“You aren’t sleeping,” Eddie said as he turned the light on low at the side of the bed.

“Nope. I can’t even try and fake it,” Buck said. He closed the flap on his Kindle and rolled over to look at Eddie. He had tried to keep the light to where it wouldn’t wake Eddie since Eddie worked in the morning.

“Why?” Eddie wrapped his arm around Buck’s stomach, and he used it to pull Buck the rest of the way into his body. He laid his head down again. Their heads were sharing the same pillow.

“I can’t quiet my mind,” Buck said.

Eddie hummed, and he slipped his hand under Buck’s shirt and rubbed at his stomach before scratching a little. “Come here.”

“Eds,” Buck said. He swallowed, and he wanted to think that Eddie wasn’t offering what Buck thought he was, but the look in Eddie’s eyes said that Buck was right.

“Shush,” Eddie said. He grabbed the Kindle and put it on his nightstand before he coaxed Buck on top of him. He grabbed Buck’s ass and rocked up into him as he pulled Buck down. The hands swept up Buck’s back before getting Buck to where they could kiss.

Eddie’s hands were stiff, keeping Buck right there but not making Buck stay all the way down. When Eddie put his head back on the pillow, Buck followed him down, kissing again.

“Yes?” Eddie asked.

“Please,” Buck said.

Eddie reached out and pulled a bottle of lube from the drawer. Buck could see the outline of a box of condoms in there. He wondered if they were new or something left from when Eddie had moved in. He wasn’t going to ask that, though. He loved sex, but this thing still made Buck hesitate about what he was doing. He felt like he was going to fuck something up if he stepped over that line.

Buck knew that he was not addicted to sex; he knew that he didn’t need it like he couldn’t make a good decision around it. He was just too hesitant, and he was glad that Eddie was willing to work through the issues.

“Gonna slick you up,” Eddie said.

“Clothes?”

“Let’s make a mess of them.” Eddie wiggled around, and then they were on their sides facing each other. Eddie had his hand in Buck’s shorts and that hand around his cock.

“I want to touch,” Buck said.

“Next time. I’ll get off, don’t worry. I have plans, and you are going to let me do them.”

Buck groaned, keeping Eddie from saying anything else by kissing him deeply. Their legs were tangled to give Eddie room to do what he was doing.

“How does this feel?” Eddie asked.

“Eddie,” Buck said. He couldn’t string two words together, and Eddie knew it. Buck tried to find his lips again, but Eddie stayed back, and Buck couldn’t help the pout he turned onto Eddie then.

“Does it feel good?”

Buck nodded.

“Good. Your lips are swollen a little from kissing, and I can’t wait for the day you look up at me with them red and swollen from sucking my cock. Lips coated in spit and me.”

Buck tipped his head down to where it was resting on Eddie’s shoulder, and he tried to hold off. He didn’t want to come as fast as Eddie was making him. He hadn’t gone from no arousal to this bad off in a very long time, not since the end of puberty.

“Come on,” Eddie said. Eddie’s hand twisted at the head, and it tipped Buck over that edge.

“Fuck,” Buck said as he spilled.

Eddie’s hand didn’t stop, but he wasn’t going as hard or as fast. It was a gentle little up and down to help Buck calm down.

“I love that face. I could become addicted to seeing you come.”

“Now?” Buck asked as he got a hand to move to brush the hard cock that Eddie’s shorts were doing nothing to hide.

“Oh, no. I’m going to put you on your back and jerk myself off as I look at how wrecked you look.”

Eddie did as he said and put Buck on his back with Eddie between his legs. Buck reached up to touch, but his hands were snagged and pressed to Eddie’s thighs. It was good enough for him.

Buck gripped hard as Eddie got his cock out of his shorts and stroked. Eddie’s hand was slick with lube and Buck’s own release, making the sight all that more alluring as Buck watched him.

Eddie’s breathing was already pretty ragged, so Buck wasn’t shocked when he went to one hand supporting him on the bed. Eddie stared into Buck’s eyes as he came.

Buck’s breath caught in his throat as he took in Eddie’s orgasm face. It was like coming home almost.

Eddie slumped down onto Buck, smearing them both up. The only thing that Buck did was wrap his arms around Eddie and hold him tight for a few minutes before the feeling of his release and Eddie’s started to feel wrong.

“Let’s get up and clean up.”

When they were done, Eddie pulled Buck down into the bed that they thankfully kept clean though Buck had no clue how. Eddie wrapped his arms around Buck from behind and held him there.

Buck tried to settle, but he found that his body didn’t like the position. He moved around until he found one he liked, and Eddie moved to match it.

“How do you feel now?”

“Mind is quieter. Not sure that using sex was the best idea for getting me to sleep.”

“Why? It’s a good way to make the body change what it’s doing. You used to jerk off to sleep when you were younger. It’s not like you are ignoring what is keeping you up. You are dealing with it as much as you can each day. There is no getting back to happiness right away, and there is only so much that you can handle each day on something like that. So give yourself time to heal Buck.”

“Yeah. And have hot sex with my boyfriend when I want?”

“Of course, why not? Now go to sleep.”

“Sure, Eddie, sure,” Buck said. But he did feel sleepy. He felt like he could pass out as soon as he closed his eyes.

Chapter Six

Buck leaned his head into the headrest in his Jeep, and he smiled, feeling for the first time in a long time he was going to do something to make him happy.

The letter he was writing felt like it was long overdue. He felt like he needed to do it, though, and to get everything out in the open. As well as make sure that his parents knew that he wanted no contact with them ever again. He wanted a copy of the full medical history for the family, and if he didn’t get it, he would go through the legal route.

The document would be sent over to his parents, who would have to sign for it. To show that they were given that record. Lily was good at that kind of thing, so he was happy she knew what to do.

“What’s up?” Lily asked as she leaned on the door of the Jeep.

“Just finishing up the letter you wanted me to write. I’ll take you up on the offer to type it up inside. I tried to work on it on the computer at home, but Chris was nosy and didn’t like me being upset. Then I went to the house, and no one was asleep. Carla’s got Chris and Emma for right now. Carla demanded time with her. I hope you don’t mind.”

“I’m getting her this afternoon, and we are going to the beach for her swim lessons there. No, I don’t mind. Thanks for letting me do that with her. Most parents would be all; we are doing all of her firsts.”

“Nah, I’ll get enough of them. I’m just glad you are interested in her at all, Lils. Whatever you want outside of like being the only one to drop her at school for her first day is on the books.”

“I’ll have to fight you and Eddie for that. So, are you ready to head inside? I’m about to order lunch, and you can add yours in. I know you don’t like to eat too much before a therapy session, much less back-to-back ones.”

“Is it horrible that the mental therapy is worse at tiring me out than the physical?”

“No. It’s supposed to be. Your physical therapy is fixing something that’s the short term for the most part. Mental therapy is taking care of baked-in shit that’s been there decades, Buck.”

“Yeah.” Buck looked at the paper, and he deemed it good enough for now. He figured that he would expand on it when typing it up. This was just the bare bones.

Lily opened the Jeep’s back door and grabbed the bag from the back. The backpack carried the things that Buck kept around for his leg. He didn’t need anything anymore, but sometimes a hand massager was better than using his own hands. He had gotten a rub down on both of his legs before leaving therapy. The latest scans showed no more blood clots had formed. He was given a clean bill of health on that front.

“How are you feeling?” Lily asked.

“I am good. Getting a little better every single day.”

“Tommy didn’t tell us much, just that you were having issues with your sister and parents. I haven’t told anyone. I know that being friends and your attorney blurs lines, but I haven’t said anything.”

“Thanks. I don’t mind anyone knowing anything. I just haven’t figured out how to word it without getting upset again. Eddie’s too worked up over it all to give anything close to an unbiased opinion on it, which, yes, there is nothing that anyone around here can give that is unbiased, but to get the facts out, he’s the worst. He tried to explain it to his sisters over the phone, and I had to take it away from him. It was horrible. He pouted, his sisters laughed, and Emma smeared peanut butter on his pants leg. I’m still not certain that she wasn’t trying to share it with him.”

“She does like to share her food. Most of what she wants to share has been touched too much.”

Buck laughed. He pulled his keys from the ignition and got out to follow Lily into the office building.

Lily shoved a menu at him when they passed by the desk for Lily’s assistant.

“Pick your food and tell him,” Lily said, and she waved at her assistant.

Buck frowned as Lily was usually better at names than that. She tried to remember them.

“I was hired today, and she’s just stressed enough from court that she’s kind of forgetting. At least she’s not calling me You-Know-Who. I know that she’s not trying to call me Voldemort; it’s just the easiest thing to call me.”

“So, what is your name?”

“Vince.”

“Vincemort?” Buck asked.

Vince laughed, and he turned to grab the phone that hadn’t rung. Buck raised his eyebrows at that, but then he noticed a light on the incoming call section. Vince handled taking a message and then hung up.

“That didn’t ring.”

“It’s set up on the computer. It flashes across with the caller’s information and if the number is connected to a case in the system. It’s a newer system that I am demoing to see if it works for all of us here. When I transfer, even if Lily has the phone set to ring, a little pop-up happens, so she knows the person who is calling.”

“That’s cool. I’m gonna look this over and figure out what I want to eat, then get this thing typed up.”

“I’ll show you where you can do that as soon as you are ready. You are Buck, yes?” Vince’s head nodded toward a computer in the corner of the room that Buck hadn’t noticed before.

“Yeah, Evan Buckley, but I go by Buck.”

“Sure thing. I have that note, actually. Lily left it on a Post-It note on my computer screen this morning.” Vince tapped the Post-It that was there on his computer. “Go before she decides that she is too hungry and just orders for you.”

“She knows what I eat and could probably do it.” Buck looked at the menu and found what he wanted. He rattled it off to Vince and waited for him to place the order before moving over to the public computer. Vince logged him in and then walked away.

“Food,” Lily said, pulling Buck from what he was doing on the computer, which was just fussing over the fine details of what he wanted to say. He was okay with it not being perfect, but he wanted to make sure that his words were all there on what he wanted to say. There was so much that felt like it was so important, yet he had missed a few things on his handwritten notes.

“Sure. Thanks.” Buck turned to see that she wasn’t offering it to him.

Vince was sitting at his desk. “In her office. She’s taking a full lunch today, so she doesn’t kill idiots.”

Buck laughed, and he headed into Lily’s office. She was sitting at her desk with a file open. Buck reached over when he got close and started to flip it closed. Lily slapped his hand a little.

“What are you reading?”

“Well, you told me to find what I could. I did, and I’m just trying to understand it all. You signed over paperwork that allowed me to get a wealth of knowledge once I found the right hospital.”

“My medical records from when I was giving over treatment for Daniel?”

“Yes. I have his records as well since they are tied back then. They were afraid that you would make a big deal of it. You are related and while normally you wouldn’t have access, give a few other things, the hospital agreed that for family’s sake, a few things were needed to be known, just to be safe. I have copies for you, and I thought Derek could go over them with you since he’s up to date on all of that kind of shit.”

“So, what are you reading?”

“You told me to read it all and then talk to Derek, and he would talk to you about the parts that you need to know. Well, there is a note here by a nurse about how detached your parents were from you.”

“Yeah, let’s just deal with that after Derek reads it over.”

“You are so fucking trusting.”

“No, not really. I know you. I know Derek. I don’t understand all of the medical jargon all the time for anything more than EMT things. I wouldn’t give this to just anyone.”

“Still, I’ve seen shit about you I didn’t need to know, but I understand why you are having me look at this. It’s a lot.” Lily closed the file and slipped it into a stack.

“What is all of that?”

“It’s the files I got on you from when you were born all the way through when you left Hershey. I didn’t go for files after that. It was quite interesting, honestly. If you had been born even a decade later, CPS would have been all up in your parents’ lives. You were crying out for help, weren’t you?”

“Yeah,” Buck said. He grabbed his food from the stack and settled into the chair across from her desk. “There are days I don’t understand how I lived, honestly. Or how I came out not more fucked up. Doctor Guentzel almost said the same thing once. He caught himself. It was after that he talked to Doctor Copeland about me more than normal.”

“You trust him with everything you are,” Lily said.

“Yes,” Buck answered, and he knew that she wasn’t talking about Guentzel anymore. Her eyes were on a picture that was on Lily’s desk. Buck had given her the frame, so he knew it was a picture of Buck with Emma and Chris. “I didn’t mean to fall in love, but while I became fast friends with Tommy, this felt different. Like it was the start of something more. I fought it for a long time, but then I accepted it. I fell in love with the first person who became my closest friend. Tommy and I were close, but I still kept things from him. I don’t from Eddie, and that makes all the difference.”

“It can. Are you really that happy with him? I heard Tommy talk about how the 118 doesn’t think that it’s going to last long, and Tommy’s nuts for looking for a new roommate.”

“Yes, I was there at the call where he then told someone else that if things end horribly between Eddie and me and I had to move back in, then he was going to force Shawn to move in with Noah.”

“Do they think we are stupid?” Lily asked.

“No, I just think that despite everything, they are just too scared to admit it and then have to tell their families. They don’t want that stress, I think. I can’t make the choice for them, though.”

“No, I get that. It’s why I haven’t done anything even though I really want to lock them in a closet. Sometimes even well-intentioned friends can do horrible stuff by just trying to help. So, what are your plans today?”

“Finish this, make sure that you get it out through that service you use, and then going home to spend the afternoon with Chris while you take Emma.”

“Good. So I have one thing to file after we eat, and then I’m good to go. Vince was going to drive me home as my car is in the shop, but if you don’t mind hanging out.”

“No, that’s fine. You can use the Jeep to take you and Emma to swim lessons.”

“Great. I was going to use Tommy’s since it’s at the house, and he said I could, but then I don’t have to transfer the seat into it. And you have Tommy’s keys in case you have to do something.”

“I do, and we have an extra Chris seat, so don’t worry about that. You can leave just as soon as we get back, and I get Emma in the car. Her bag is packed already for swim lessons. She picked out three different suits, no clue which one she will want when she gets there. You’ll just have to figure that out on your own.”

“At least you don’t let her change her outfit too much anymore.”

“Well, she was too cute most of the time, but she’s learned to not mess up her clothes on purpose.”

Lily laughed as she picked up her fork to dig into her food. Buck did the same and hoped that they turned to softer topics. He looked at the files and wasn’t sure if he really wanted to read them. He needed to, and he knew it, but he was so unsure of everything. He hated feeling like this. He just wanted to get back to happy.

—

Eddie let himself into the house, and he listened for the sound of movement from Buck and Chris. Emma would still probably be asleep given that Eddie had got out on time and hit good traffic on the way home. Chris’ school was starting up soon. Eddie was looking forward to his morning time with Chris over the last few days before it started. The only good thing was that Eddie wouldn’t be coming home to an empty house. He would have Buck and Emma with him.

There were no sounds. Eddie frowned, and he looked at his phone to see a text from Buck that they had gone out to get some medication for Emma since she had woken up with a cold. Eddie had missed the text coming through, or he would have checked it when he got out of the truck. Buck’s Jeep was there, so Eddie had no clue what was going on with that.

“Hey,” Tommy said as he came out of the kitchen. The man had not made a single sound.

“You always this quiet?”

“Eh, I’m just keeping an eye on the rolls. Buck just left, and he took my truck, but Emma wanted him. Buck took Chris along to have him stay with Emma in the truck. She is a cuddle monster right now. She kept asking for you, which is why I think she didn’t want me. She’s usually pretty good about going to anyone, really.” Tommy turned on the oven light and frowned before turning it off.

“Buck’s worried about when he’s back to work later about how she’s going to take that. I am not sure it’s going to go as bad as Buck thinks, but it’s not gonna be pretty.”

“Well, we are all still there. Well, not me so much since we work the same shifts at different stations but the others.”

“Buck’s been talking about how the others miss her. It’s not gonna be the worst, I don’t think, but if she were staying with strangers at a daycare? She would be a bear.”

Eddie headed to the sink to see a full-on sink of sliced potatoes in water.

“What is in the oven?” Eddie asked

“An egg casserole. It’s got veggies, meat, eggs, and cheese. That’s gonna be fried potatoes.”

“I don’t have a skillet big enough to make that,” Eddie said.

“No, I brought over a skillet the other day.”

“How did you get here so early?” Eddie asked.

“I went to have a concussion check. I don’t have one, but I came over because the light was on. It’s been a while since there has been no chance of anyone coming in on us. You know I’m not a threat, right?”

“I know that. I know that Buck doesn’t have in him to hurt someone on purpose. I trust him. He isn’t the kind of man who would cheat. I knew where you two were on things long before he and I got together. I could walk in on you both in bed asleep and be fine with it. I promise.”

“Well, I doubt he’d do that unless you were injured and needed someone to help calm him down, but I bet the kids would be with us.”

Eddie could see that. He gave Tommy a smile and held out his hand toward the man. Tommy reached out and shook it. Eddie didn’t let go, and he pulled Tommy into a hug.

“So, where is this skillet?”

“I think I was told the linen closet?” Tommy said.

Eddie turned to head that way to get the skillet. He found it and could see why the thing was needed. A skillet that plugged into the wall and cooked from the counter. Shannon had one like it, and he had left it in El Paso as just the two of them; he didn’t think they would need it.

“You good cooking with that?” Tommy asked.

“I am. Do you need to sleep?”

“No. I got a good sleep at the hospital before they released me. Derek drove to work in my truck, and I drove home. He will hitch a ride with someone else home or call me.”

Eddie nodded. He got the skillet plugged in, adding some oil to it. There was a good scale for him to control the temperature, and he put the lid on it to keep it from letting all of the heat escape. He grabbed the colander from the cabinet. He got his hands clean in the other sink before starting to scoop over the potatoes to get them to drain enough to where they wouldn’t have too much water on them.

“DAD?” Chris called out.

“Kitchen!”

Chris came into the kitchen a minute later when Eddie was scooping over the potatoes. Chris had a hat on his head that had a rainbow LAFD symbol.

“Look what Buck found!” Chris said as he rushed to his father. “It’s for you.” Chris handed the hat up.

Eddie took it, and he put it on his head. It was a little loose, but he could tighten it up.

“Where did you get it?” Eddie asked.

“Official LAFD stuff. They were sold out of them when I went in to get it, so I ordered it to have it shipped here. I got one for all of us.”

“All of us?” Tommy asked.

“You and Steve as well as me and Eddie. Anyone else can order them for themselves,” Buck said.

“Well, that’s good. Where are mine and Steve’s?” Tommy asked.

“In the living room on the stand just inside the room.”

“I’m gonna head home. If you need anything, let me know.”

“Where is Emma?” Eddie asked.

“She’s on the couch. I gave her the stuff in the car, and she’s tired. So she’s got a new stuffed animal that I found for her in the checkout line at the pharmacy. It’s a bright purple and green bear. She loved it when I gave it to her for being a good girl and taking the medication.”

“You spoil her,” Eddie said with a grin on his face.

“I do, but she’s never really been sick since she’s gotten old enough to really understand me. She can also run and fight me. I don’t like that.”

Eddie stepped up to Buck, and he cupped his face before kissing his nose. “I know what it feels like to do things that are hard to make your kids better. Chris’ first surgery was hard on me. I was freaked out. I knew it was for the best, but I hurt my child for those moments. I’m never supposed to hurt him. If you want, I can be the bad dad.”

“No, I need to do it. She took it fine but the face afterward. I fear it’s the next one that will be an issue.”

“I mean it, I can be the bad dad.”

“And I love you for it. We both can be the bad dads as I am sure you’ll have to give her meds at some point in her life that she doesn’t want.”

Eddie went back to the skillet, and he took off the lid to find the oil was flowing when he tipped it. It was hot enough to fry the potatoes. He grabbed the colander of potatoes and wielded the lid in another, and tipped it up to protect himself as he dumped the potatoes in. Once they were all in, he seasoned the top layer with pepper and a little salt before laying the lid down to let them cook as fast as possible.

“Tommy con you into cooking?” Buck asked.

“No. I asked how the hell we were cooking this many potatoes.” Eddie looked to see that Chris had left the kitchen, and he could hear his voice coming from the living room. It was his tone that Eddie knew well from when Chris was talking to someone who was sick. “So a cold?”

“Yeah, one of the kids at the swim class had a runny nose, but the kid can look at a flower and get a runny nose. I understand why the mom brought her. Lily warned me, though, and tried not to let Emma interact with her, but it’s hard. When she woke up upset this morning cause she couldn’t breathe, I knew that it was more than just a runny nose for that kid.” Buck hooked his head over Eddie’s shoulder and held onto his hips.

Ever since their first sex act together, Buck had been more touchy with Eddie. It was good, and Eddie was happy about the step. It felt like that hurdle had been gone over, but Buck had been so tired that even morning sex wasn’t an option.

“I know you have late physical therapy but do you have an appointment with Guentzel around then as well?”

“No, we are doing once a week right now. I feel good, and I’ve texted a few times, but he wants to see how I do. We’ve talked everything to death, and he hopes that in a few more weeks, we can go back to monthly visits.”

“I’m glad you are back to something closer to normal.”

“I’m happy this happened now. I could focus on myself. I don’t have to work. I don’t have to think about anyone but Emma, Chris, and myself. And you but you know what I mean.”

“I do. Day to day, you only have to worry about the kids and yourself about taking care of things. I can take care of myself, and we all know this.” Eddie turned his head to place a kiss on Buck’s cheek as he pulled the lid off the potatoes to flip them over as much as he could and seasoned them again to get the newly uncovered layer. He looked at the oven as he laid the lid down. “Should you check on that?”

“No, it’s on very low. It’s a new recipe, and it has two cooking speeds. High and low. Low has more milk, and it’s supposed to be good but takes like an hour versus the twenty minutes the other is when cooked at a higher temperature.”

“That sounds weird.”

“Eh, if it sucks, I’ll go and get something, or you can.” Buck shrugged.

“Well, if it sucks, at least you will get ragged for not being able to cook, and maybe Chris will let me not be the butt of his jokes.”

“Chris loves me too much,” Buck said.

“No, I don’t,” Chris said.

Eddie turned his head to look at Chris, who was leaning in the doorway. Chris’ eyes were right on Eddie’s hips where Buck touched him. Buck’s hands moved away but then came back.

“You know you don’t have to hide that from me? Right?” Chris asked as he carefully walked into the room, his crutches left behind somewhere.

“We know that mijo,” Eddie said.

“Well, that means you can kiss and stuff. I don’t care about it.”

“I got this, Eds,” Buck said, and he pressed a kiss to Eddie’s shoulder before stepping back from Eddie to walk to where Chris was. “We do know that, Chris, but I don’t…I’ve never had a relationship like this, and I’m still kind of figuring out what I like. So that means that we are learning each other. I promise you that we will kiss more in front of you but outside of the stuff we did as friends, I have no clue what kind of public displays of affection we like to do.”

“I just wanted to make sure you knew that you didn’t have to hide things from me. I like seeing you both happy.”

“And we are happy, I promise you. It’s just something that is taking a lot of time with everything else that is going on in my life.”

“Okay. I’m going to go. Emma’s asleep on the couch. I put pillows down on the floor, the big ones from the pile in the corner that you guys use for that.”

“You could have said something, and I would have done it,” Buck said.

“She’s my sister. I can help,” Chris said.

“And I’m glad you want to, but you don’t have to do things you don’t want to do.”

“I know. Dad makes sure that I know that. I like doing small things like that, though. I made sure she was on her side with her head up like Dad does for me.”

“Thanks, mijo,” Eddie said. He looked at the potatoes and lifted the lid again. He tipped up a corner bit to find they weren’t dark enough, so he put the lid back on. “It won’t be long until these are ready,” Eddie said.

“I’ll check on the rest of the food then. Do we want toast?”

“I don’t,” Chris said.

“Nah,” Eddie said.

“I’ll make a few pieces for Emma then, and if she doesn’t eat them, I will.” Buck checked on what was in the oven, and then he looked at the fridge with a strange look on his face. Eddie wasn’t sure what it was about, but he knew that if it was sometimes important, Buck would talk to him.

“Can I play games in the living room?”

“Yes, you can. If you wake up Emma, we will just move her to her room.”

“Okay. Thanks.” Chris carefully turned and headed to the living room. The kitchen door shut, and then they were alone.”

“Do you need to turn those again?” Buck asked as he dropped two pieces of toast into the toaster and dropped them.

“Probably.” Eddie turned back and checked the potatoes. He found that they were ready, and he got them turned, getting some not as cooked ones on the bottom before doing the last seasoning and putting the lid back on. It looked pretty good. This would be a good breakfast if the eggs and stuff turned out okay.

Buck came up behind Eddie as he worked on the potatoes, and he got as close as he had been before with his hands on Eddie’s hips. It felt good. Despite touching a lot as friends, the change into something more intimate in front of other people had been slow. Which was just what Eddie was happy with. He would rather Buck feel safe in his own skin.

As soon as the lid was on the skillet, Buck turned Eddie.

“I think I want to make out a little. With a sick kid, one of us, if not everyone in the house, is getting sick.”

“I can spread it to all of the 118. Get Jones back for that stomach bug.”

Buck laughed, and he pulled Eddie into him as he backed into the island. Eddie braced his hands on either side of Buck to keep him where he was, and he leaned in so slowly. Buck huffed and met him over the halfway point since he didn’t move in slow.

There was something about kissing Buck that still felt new as hell. Buck was hesitant but earnest in what he did when he kissed Eddie, and it was more than a simple peck on the lips.

“I love you,” Buck said when he pulled back a few minutes later when the toast popped up.

“I love you, too.”

Eddie was leaning in again when the timer went off. Eddie looked to see that the potatoes had a few minutes more, so he hoped the casserole was done. He pushed off the island and let Buck check the egg casserole before pulling it out of the oven. He grabbed the thermometer that hung off the oven and gave the nod before he turned off the oven and shut the oven door.

“It’s ready!” Buck called out.

Eddie grabbed the bowl beside the sink and saw that it had a few paper towels already laid down to get the grease off the potatoes as much as possible. Buck went right to the dining room with the egg casserole, so Eddie followed when he had the potatoes ready. Buck was coming back into the kitchen with a smile on his face.

“What do you want to drink?”

“Coffee?”

“Sure. I made a pot and put it into the carafe that keeps it hot enough to burn. Chris wants juice, and I’ll give Emma diluted orange juice if she wants anything. I don’t want to do milk.”

“No, that might make her sick. I think OJ is the best thing.”

Buck nodded his head, and he brushed his lips over Eddie’s before heading into the kitchen. He was back just a few minutes later with the coffee carafe and empty mugs held in one hand and then the orange juice jug in his other with two plastic cups stacked on top. There was already water on the table. Eddie headed into the living room to get Emma, who was waking up. She rubbed at her eyes, and as soon as she saw Eddie, she made grabby hands.

Eddie laughed a little as he picked her up. She got to where she wanted to be as soon as she could, her arms around Eddie’s neck and her just there as much as possible. Eddie knew that once they got into the dining room area, Emma wasn’t going to let go of Eddie. He was going to be lucky to get her into his lap so that she could eat some of the toast. The toast was already on a plate beside where Eddie normally sat down to eat. The juice and the coffee were already ready for the pair of them. Buck knew that Emma wasn’t going to let go of being in Eddie’s lap at all.

“How much do you want?” Buck asked.

Eddie looked to see that Buck had already served himself, and Chris was working on getting potatoes onto his plate, but the egg casserole wasn’t there yet.

“How does it taste?” Eddie asked.

Emma’s hand darted out, and she snagged a bit of toast to eat.

“It’s good. Kind of like an omelet but a lot easier to make, fluffy, so I think you’ll like it.”

“Give me a good bit then. I’m really hungry.” Eddie took the spoon that Chris handed him to get potatoes onto his plate.

Chris waited for Buck to be done serving Eddie before he held out his hand to take the spoon from him to get his eggs.

Eddie got his fork in his hand and got a bit of the egg on there to try them. He agreed that they were good, just like a fluffy omelet, but it seemed easier to make; he would have to make the fast ones some time to make sure it wasn’t just the long ones that tasted good. He snagged the pepper and peppered most of his eggs. He picked through the part he didn’t pepper and found pieces of eggs that had nothing else in them. He laid those on Emma’s plate to see if she could be tempted by the food. She snagged more toast instead.

“Well, I tried,” Eddie said.

“She might still eat them. Just don’t be disheartened.”

Eddie snagged a piece of potato, and he broke it up, removing the skin parts before he laid it on the plate as well. Emma reached out and snagged one of those and popped it into her mouth. A few pieces of toast were next. She reached for the juice next. Eddie picked up the cup with a sippy lid on it, and he helped steady it as she took a drink.

“Da,” Emma said.

“Yes?” Buck answered.

Emma made a face, Eddie couldn’t see all of it, but she looked confused. She looked up at Eddie. “Da?”

Eddie looked up to see the look on Buck’s face. He looked half devastated.

“No, sweetie. I’m not Dad.”

“Da?” Emma asked. She looked at Chris next, then over at Buck. “Pa?”

“Oh,” Buck said. He smiled and leaned over and kissed Emma’s forehead. He looked at Chris. “Pa?”

“Papa. I didn’t think she was learning it all that well. Dad was still Di. I hope you aren’t mad,” Chris said.

“No, mijo, just a shock is all. We are happy and fine with it, I promise.”

“Okay. I don’t want to upset anyone. When she started to get it, I was going to tell you.”

“Well, she’s a shock all the time to me,” Buck said. He reached out and ruffled Chris’ hair. “So, I’m Papa, and Eddie is Dad. What made you choose that?”

“Well, Harry was talking about how both you and Dad couldn’t be dad, and I hadn’t thought about that. If she grows up calling you Dad, then you will be both dad and papa. And I liked papa better.”

“And what Denny say about it.”

“He agreed that I needed to pick a name and since Dad is dad. I needed to pick what I wanted to call Buck. I was going to ask before starting to call you that.”

“Well, I’m okay with it.”

Eddie nodded because he was okay with Chris calling Buck what he wanted; even if Bucky did come out, Eddie knew that Buck knew how much Chris loved him.

Chapter Seven

Buck touched the napkin sitting on his thigh, and he looked at the time. He was doing this without Eddie liking it, and he hadn’t even told Doctor Guentzel that he was doing it. He needed to do it, though. He needed to figure out why Maddie had never told him, after she had become an adult or after Buck had.

Maddie came in the door a minute later and looked around until she found him. Her face was shuttered, but Buck wouldn’t let her emotions and crying upset him. He wasn’t going to give into her.

“Evan, I’m shocked to hear from you.”

“Buck,” Buck said.

“What?”

“I want you to call me Buck. Just because you are my sister doesn’t mean you can stomp over what I want. If you want to have a relationship with me, it’s within the boundaries of what I will allow you to have in my life.”

“That’s not fair. You can’t just tell me what I am allowed to do in your life.”

“Yes, I am. It’s my life. You didn’t like that our parents didn’t like Doug, and you did what you wanted and tried to make them respect it. How is this any different?”

Maddie looked to the side as the waiter walked up to them.

“Hello, my name is Sam; what can I get you to drink?”

“Unsweet tea, and no, I don’t need sweetener,” Buck said.

“Coke for me,” Maddie said.

“Is Pepsi okay?”

“Dr. Pepper, then please.”

“Sure thing. Do you need a few minutes?” Sam asked.

“We’ve got a little talking to do, so mainly just check on refills when we get low, and one of those times, we will place our order,” Buck said.

“Sure thing. I’ll get those drinks and just check on you from a distance.” Sam turned around and headed away from the table.

Buck looked at Maddie to see that she was looking at him with a frown on her face. “What?”

“I don’t recognize you, and I don’t like it.”

“I was still mostly a kid when you last really spent any time with me. I might have been an adult in age, but I wasn’t mentally. I grew up on the road. You haven’t tried to learn who I am now, and I want you to know who I am.”

“I want to know who you are as well.”

“Good. I’m glad. I want to know the woman you became after you left home and what changes you have because of Doug.”

“There are no changes because of Doug,” Maddie said.

“If you honestly think that, then you are lying to yourself. He abused you for years. That changes anyone. Denying that just hurts yourself.”

“I know. I seem to just make choices that hurt me, and I don’t mean to. I’ve been trying with therapy, but I didn’t believe you about our parents until recently. You made many good points, and I’m happy you did. I want to cling to the woman I was when I first met Doug. I wanted to think that just leaving Doug and then him dying would allow me to be that woman again.”

Buck wasn’t sure what to say to that. He wanted his sister in his life, but he didn’t need her to be a mother to him. He was long past where he needed a mother at all. Maddie had tried, but then she had left. She had needed to move since it was time, but with Doug, she had chosen him over Buck, and Buck hadn’t understood it then. He still didn’t understand it now.

“I need to do better. I need to be a better sister, and I’ve been talking with someone at work about a few things, and he’s agreed with you on a lot of things just from what I am telling him, and it has nothing to do with how hot he thinks you are.”

“A lot of people think I am hot, doesn’t mean that I want them knowing that much about me.”

“Well, he already knows you. Well, you talk to him a lot. Josh. If you are the team on tap, I have my calls transferred to him so that our drama doesn’t mess up a call.”

“Oh, I like Josh. Abby talked about him sometimes, how he had moved to a different section to do something under Sue to with the place where you ended up working.”

“He likes you too, just not that way.”

“Well, he’s nice,” Buck said. He was trying to figure out how Josh would ever know what he looked like. Then he realized that Josh probably knew him from the news. “I hate that I am like partially the face of the LAFD.”

“What do you mean?”

“The news likes me. Bobby foists talking to reporters on me as much as possible. So I’m on TV a lot. That’s how Josh knows what I look like.”

“Well, I think he also searches them out a little bit. Like I said, he likes how you look but not enough to be like a stalker.”

“Good because I’m happy with Eddie.”

“Eddie? You are with Eddie?”

“A lot has happened since you and I kind of stopped talking. I would have told you a lot if I felt like you weren’t going to just steamroll over what I wanted and try and tell me what I needed to do. Eddie and I have been together for a little while. I live with Eddie now. Emma’s got the guest room, and I’m with Eddie. I’m pretty happy with it all. Emma’s happy. Chris is really happy that his father is happy. Eddie told me to invite you over for dinner this coming weekend if you weren’t horrible today.”

“So he knows everything.”

“I tell him everything. He knows it all. He and Tommy did a lot of looking into things with Daniel. Which is what I want to talk about. How could you never tell me?”

“I don’t know. I almost did once when you were a kid. When I took you to show you where Daniel and I lived, then Doug called. I thought about it and changed my mind. I couldn’t tell you, and then you were so reckless.”

“You did nursing; you knew things. I was reckless because of our parents, because of the lies from them and from you. While I love you, Maddie, and for right now, I forgive you, I’m not going to forget this. I’m not going to forget that you lied to me all of my life when you knew that they wanted you to keep it a secret because of their shame. You might not have known that when you were a child yourself. You might not have understood it when you were a teenager, but you’ve been an adult a long time. You never would have told me if I hadn’t got hurt.”

“I hated seeing you like that. All I could see was Daniel, and then you were pushing things.”

“I’m good, though. I’ve been given as clean of a bill of health as I can be given my leg. The blood clots are all gone. The ones that formed were small, and they were caught well before they became an issue. It could have been worse, but things changed a lot as soon as they swapped out the screws for another kind when my other surgery happened. It goes to show that sometimes there are just things that the human body hates.”

“I’ve seen that kind of thing before. There is nothing different between you and another person who has something put into your body. Yet, not all react the same.”

“They did testing, and I submitted to a lot of things to make sure there wasn’t something wrong with me over that. I was given a lot of information on it. Derek helped me understand it, and he helped me understand things about Daniel. We got a lot of stuff from the hospital about me and some on Daniel, but there is stuff that only you and our parents know. I was made specifically to save Daniel, wasn’t I?” Buck asked.

“Yes.”

Buck knew it. There was no other reason. He had seen some of the files, and Derek said that since the savior sibling was newer at that time.

“You were one of the first,” Maddie said.

Buck didn’t answer at first since Sam was on his way back with the drinks; Sam dropped them down and left without a word. Buck figured that maybe he should open his menu. He was hungry. He looked at what was offered as Maddie did the same.

“Yes, my research has told me that. I had hope that I wasn’t, and I was just a kid who wasn’t wanted when they wanted Daniel. They wanted him, didn’t they? They loved him?” Buck knew the answer, but he liked the confirmation that what he thought was right. Feelings might not be facts, but sometimes, feelings and facts did match up.

“They did.”

“I always thought you were the favorite sibling, and it was why our parents acted like they did when you chose Doug over them. I had hoped it would mean they would turn to me, but I just became even more invisible. You were gone, you had chosen Doug, and I was left alone with no one.”

“Buck,” Maddie said.

“I am not here to rehash that past. I want to move forward, but I wanted you to know that while I forgive, I won’t forget, and while I love you, I am not sure I trust you.”

“That hurts, but I understand where it is coming from. I have been thinking about that therapist you recommended to me, Doctor Copeland. I think that I might be happier with someone like that. Do you think she would be willing to take me on?”

“Sure, I’m sure that she will, but I do want to warn you that she will have some insight into me, but she won’t talk about it. She and Doctor Guentzel consult with each other over things; I signed papers that allowed it but only between the two of them. Doctor Copeland will want to talk to you about it before signing on a patient. Well, her assistant might try and help with that. I have no clue. I know that the practice as a whole is growing, and things have changed some on that front.”

“Josh said you were on the line when he heard your captain talking about you going to see your therapist last week. He told me only because he had known that I had planned on reaching out to you, and I chose to wait until yesterday because I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Thank you. A child was injured in the fire, and she had a stuffed dinosaur that Emma loves. It freaked me out for a few minutes. Bobby let me go since Guentzel couldn’t come to me. He sometimes does. Helping people like that is not only his job; it’s his hobby and passion. He doesn’t mind not having too much of a life. I have no clue how Doctor Copeland works on that front. I’ve just talked to her once; she talked me out of a panic attack since Guentzel was in with a patient. They do well at covering their patients.”

“That sounds great. So what are you thinking about getting?”

“Probably steak. I’ve not had a lot of red meat over the last few days. Chris is on a chicken kick at the house, and so most dinners are revolving around that.”

“When are you starting back to work?”

“I am unsure. I will be doing a therapy session in two weeks, and I will be assessed then. After that, it’s training to actually pass my requalification. I’ll mostly do that part on my own with checks in with my physical therapist to make sure I am not working too hard on things or hurting myself, but I can’t work most of that stuff there. I’ll be allowed at the academy to use their equipment, especially training in gear, like a full turnout.”

“And you still want to go back to being a firefighter?” Maddie asked.

Buck picked up his tea and found it was pretty much gone. He looked to the side to see Sam headed toward them with a new tea. “Ready to order?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, here is more tea, Sir. Are we ready to order?”

“Yes,” Buck said. He rattled off what he wanted and then picked up the tea to take a drink.

Maddie ordered, and Sam picked up Buck’s empty glass before heading back where he came from.

“To expand on things, I look at myself as Emma’s father first and a firefighter second, which is better than I was before Emma came into my life, but it’s not like I’ve been injured severely in a normal operation of my job. The bomb was out there. It’s not something that really happens. I’m going to do everything in my power to come home to her at the end of my shifts. I’m just glad she’s not really going to remember this.”

“I wish I hadn’t had to have seen it, but I can’t help that, and neither can you. The whole city was watching that. I watched it again the other day. I could see Eddie really closely at one point and the pain on his face. The pain on everyone’s faces. Even your captain, who was in civilian clothes at that point. They would do anything for you and you anything for them. I was scared about losing you, but I know now that you are as safe with them as you are anywhere else. You weren’t happy on that dude ranch.”

“Oh, no, I was, but I needed more. I think I was happiest there on that ranch of all of my jobs. I learned a lot about myself. I learned to be happy with who I was even if I hadn’t found who I was fully at that point. Coming here to LA was a long road, but I’m happier here than I ever have been in my life, and that was before I found Eddie.”

“Linda at work said that she saw you out with Eddie and the kids a few weeks ago and that you looked happy. I want you happy, Ev-Buck. I want you to be happy for the rest of your life because I know you had a shit life growing up. You never had the good memories that I did.”

“I want to learn about Daniel.”

“And you will. I’ll teach you everything, I promise.”

Buck smiled, and he reached out and laid his hand over Maddie’s. He squeezed and was happy to see that Maddie looked happy. It was a good start.

—

Eddie shoved his bag into the backseat of the truck, and he turned around to look at Bobby, who had said that he wanted to talk to Eddie after their shift.

“Did you want to do it here?”

“No, I was hoping you would follow me to mine?”

“Sure.”

“Good. Do you have the address in case we get split up?”

“I do.” Eddie felt like this wasn’t going to be a good thing. He felt like things were going to blow up and not in a good way. Bobby had been off since Eddie had gotten to work the day before, and now Bobby wanted to talk to him.

The drive to Bobby’s was quick despite the traffic. Eddie stayed in the truck long enough to text Buck that he had an errand he was doing and would be home as soon as possible. He got a heart emoji back from Buck, and he shook his head. He looked up to see Bobby standing by the front door, looking at him.

Bobby headed inside as soon as Eddie got out of the truck. Eddie followed him inside and all the way to the kitchen to see the man making coffee. A good stalling tactic but one that Eddie could wait out. He leaned against the counter and watched Bobby as he fussed with the machine.

“I don’t think that Buck is ready to come back,” Bobby said.

“You don’t think he’s ready to come back?” Eddie asked. This wasn’t anything close to what he thought would be discussed. Hell, he had assumed that he had done something. His and Buck’s relationship forms were all filled out. Eddie had done that long before they were actually dating. Bobby had been more than pleased to do it. Buck would just have to confirm it when he was back on the job fully. “What makes you think that?”

“He’s pushing too hard to come back.”

“Actually, he’s not pushing as hard as he could, I think. He’s nearly there, and coming from you, Bobby, this would crush him. He’s been mentally cleared after the bombing. I’ve been mentally cleared. Everyone else has talked about it but have you done the actual work for it?”

“Excuse me?” Bobby asked.

“Look, I’ve tried to stay out of it, but I’ve seen you watching the news videos. I assumed you were looking at other things, but Bobby, Buck doesn’t blame you. He puts the blame right where it belongs, on the man who put that bomb on the truck. He doesn’t blame you or Athena for what happened. You don’t need to worry about that at all.”

“He should.”

“No, he shouldn’t, and neither should you. If you tell him that you don’t want him back, or you don’t trust him to come back, he’s going to be hurt, and when he’s hurt, he will do some stupid bullheaded thing. If you are not ready to send him into a burning building, you need to make sure he understands it’s not him and it’s all on you. He will understand that.”

“He wasn’t on blood thinners very long from what Hen said.”

“No, he wasn’t. Just until the surgery could happen and they had a plan for the screws. He went off them before the surgery so that they didn’t have to worry about them, and we kept a close eye on his pain. His doctors all agreed that he would probably have not noticed the pain most would when dealing with clots. Not until one did him harm.”

“I don’t want him to die,” Bobby said.

“Then keep him close to where you can do the most for him. He’ll move to another station. There is nothing that you can prove that means he can’t do his job. Many stations would take him. Do you want him elsewhere? Where someone can’t watch his back? Do you want to lose me as well? I will follow him to make sure that he has someone who backs him up that understands him. I don’t want to leave the 118. I love Hen, you, and Scott. Even Riccardo and Karen. We are a family, but Buck is my closest family.”

“I’ll work on it,” Bobby said. He leaned on the counter, and his hands turned white from the pressure he was putting on there. “I’ll talk to someone about it. I’ll get this wrapped up in my head before he goes for his requalification. I’ll work on it. Thank you.”

“If you need to talk, Cap. I’m here. I understand the fear you have. I understand wanting to protect him, but you can’t force that. You can’t shove him into a bubble and keep him there safe.”

“I know. He will do what he wants, and he has every single right. He’s been taking care of himself during all of this, right?”

“Yes, we have been making sure that he’s taking care of himself but also that he allows us to help him. If you preface it that way, he typically doesn’t get too upset about things, but sometimes he does. His parents did a number on him about needing help. I’m not worried he will react too strongly if you go and offer your honest reasoning for what makes you hesitant. He will work with you.”

Bobby nodded his head.

The door opened and shut, Eddie looking at Bobby.

“Athena?” Bobby called out.

“Hey, I just had a horrible accident, and I was closer to here than the station to change into a spare uniform. Who is here?”

“Eddie.”

“Oh, finally talking to him about Buck?”

“Yes.”

“Good, I hate how upset you have been. I’m going to change, and then I’ll get some coffee before heading out again.”

“Sounds good.”

“I should get going,” Eddie said. He didn’t want to intrude, and he had said what he needed to Bobby about the situation.

“You and Buck have plans today?”

“I think Chris wants to hit up the zoo again. He’s gonna hate going back to school at first until he remembers how much he likes it. He loves school, but leaving Buck alone with Emma makes Chris a little squirrelly. He thinks he going to miss something and be apart from them for too long.”

“And they aren’t going to be at the same school, so Chris is going to feel weird about that. Or not cause he’s a teenager. I have no clue what to think on that.”

“That hasn’t entered Chris’ mind yet. I’m sure that it will when Emma gets a little older. I’m more worried about Emma. Not long after Chris starts school, I’m pretty sure that Buck will be at work, and Emma’s gonna have lost all of the people she spends the day with. And with Buck coming home to the 118, I can’t exactly say that I’ll want to stay with her. I think I’ll need to be there for him.”

“I don’t think he will want to not have you by his side, even to comfort Emma over something like that.”

“I don’t think so either. If you need anything, Bobby, just call. I’ll talk you through whatever fear you have. Just don’t do something to betray him. He might not come back from that. Talk it through with Athena before doing anything.”

“I will. I promise.”

Eddie gave Bobby a nod, and then Eddie was leaving. He took a long way home. It wasn’t his place to say something to Buck about it. Bobby wasn’t doing anything. Eddie wouldn’t keep his council on what he said if Bobby did do something.

Emma was in the front yard dancing around to the soft playing music. Buck was on the porch, but Chris was nowhere to be seen.

“Da!” Emma ran to Buck, grabbed something from him, and then ran to Eddie as he got out of the truck. She shook her stuffed wolf at Eddie. “Peas?”

“Oh, I see. Chris talks her into begging me, huh?” Eddie asked as he picked up Emma.

“Actually, Chris is pouting in his room at the moment. We had a little bit of a rough morning, and I think he’s not happy about going back to school. It’s just two more weeks.”

“Ah, yeah, he had this issue last year as well. He’ll be fine. So Emma wants to go to the zoo, and Chris doesn’t?”

“They both do; Chris just wants to go closer to school starting up as well. I told him that we might have other plans. He got upset, and I told him to go calm down in his room.”

“Good. I don’t need him getting worked up over things like that. Have you made your plans on what you are doing that day I work so close to when he goes back to school?” Eddie knew that there was a day where Buck still hadn’t picked what they wanted to do yet.

“Not really, still trying to figure it out with taking Emma with us. She’s too big for some things, but I have the carrier for her to hang on my front, and the physical therapist says it might be a good idea to carry her around places like that. It’s why I’m gonna wear it for the first part at the zoo. It’s all the stuff we have to lift her up for the exhibits she loves. We can turn her inward if she gets sleepy and have her fall asleep like that. I think it’s gonna be good. So you’ll have to carry Chris if he wants to be carried.”

“I can do that. I can’t carry him on my shoulder near as long as you, but I can see why they want you carrying her for a long time. Our turnout gear is no joke.”

“I’m excited to get back to work.”

“Of course you are. Everyone is excited to have you back as well.”

“I’m not going as nuts as I thought I would, but I’m not alone.”

“No, you are not alone.” Eddie leaned over as Buck started to stand and kissed him before he was fully up.

—

Buck carried Emma into her bedroom and got her settled down into her bed. The guest bed was long gone, and now it was the bed that Emma loved; it was pretty and purple and would last her for a while. There were sides already on to make sure she didn’t roll out of bed. It was easy for him and Eddie to lean over it and lay her down. Chris could even crawl into bed with her if she had a bad night like she did when she was sick.

Emma didn’t even wake up and was instead just staying fully asleep. Buck grabbed her wolf and laid it down in the bed, pulling the harness off it before he did so. She didn’t need to be wrapped up in the straps on that.

“Hey,” Eddie said.

Buck looked behind him to see Eddie leaning in the doorway.

“Chris conk out okay?” Buck asked.

“He did. How are you feeling?”

“Not that tired. You?”

“Not enough to go to sleep right now. I have a shift tomorrow, but I have an hour at least before I have to lay down.”

“We can just go and cuddle in bed and pass out at some point. I think I like that idea more than anything else,” Buck said.

“Sure,” Eddie said. He nodded toward the bedroom, wordless saying he would wait for Buck.

Buck looked down at Emma. She had rolled over and wrapped her arm around the wolf. Buck smiled, and he stood up.

Eddie was changing when Buck stepped into the bedroom. He was down to his boxers. He turned his head to look at Buck. “Did you want me to rub down your leg?”

“Yes, but you don’t have to.”

“Get into shorts.” Eddie waved toward the dresser.

Buck gave Eddie a sloppy salute before heading there after locking the door. Eddie was dressing quickly in a pair of shorts he liked to sleep in. Later in winter, Buck knew he would probably be in sweats for sleeping. His leg ached a little in the cold, as he found out in the ice water he went into at one point for his therapy.

“On the bed,” Eddie said next.

“Like giving orders, do you?” Buck asked, but he did as Eddie wanted him to do.

Eddie grabbed the massage oil. Buck’s leg was adjusting to what he was doing to get back to work, but it still ached sometimes. He had used it a lot today, but it hurt less than it did the last time they went to the zoo and less than during his therapy session, which had been less than how much he used it today.

“How do you feel?” Eddie asked as he rubbed the little bit of oil between his hands. He ran those hands down Buck’s legs before doing it again.

“I feel okay, I promise. Every day I get a little stronger. I feel stronger than before even. I think I’ll be good to go when I finally get up enough to actually go for the whole thing.”

“Good. Now, where does it ache?”

“Calf,” Buck said, and he bit his lip and closed his eyes when Eddie found the knots. He tried to keep the groan in. He held up his hand and tapped at Eddie’s head when he bent over. “No.”

“You don’t want to get your shorts dirty?” Eddie asked.

“Not tonight. Maybe tomorrow. How does that sound?”

“Fine.” Eddie huffed, but he had a smile on his face when he did it. Eddie’s fingers found another knot, and Buck tried not to moan again. He didn’t want to egg Eddie on. “Let it out. Don’t stop.”

Buck shook his head and whined when Eddie’s hands left him. He looked at him, and Eddie balanced himself on his fists as he looked Buck in the eyes.

“It’s not leading me on. I like knowing that I’m giving you pleasure, not just sexual but otherwise as well. You making yourself stop is making me not be as happy. You want me happy, don’t you?”

“That’s blackmail.”

“With love.”

Buck pouted at Eddie and looked down at his legs.

“Fine.” Eddie dropped back, and he snagged Buck’s leg and began to work on it again. “See, isn’t that better?”

Buck just moaned in happiness at the feel of Eddie’s hands working on the knot in his muscle. He really hoped that Eddie didn’t mind if he did get hard. Eddie needed sleep, not a sex session that ended with them more awake.

Eddie’s hands moved up, getting up to Buck’s thigh and starting on that muscles up there. Buck sank into the bed even more, just letting himself feel good. Eddie worked on that leg until it was mush, and then he moved onto the other, finding a few knots that Buck didn’t even realize he had. His body felt like mush, and his brain just liked the flood of feelings.

“Buck?” Eddie asked.

Buck forced his eyes open and onto Eddie, who was looking at Buck’s cock. Buck waved his hand. If Eddie wanted sex, Buck could give in to what he wanted.

“You are the one cleaning me up.”

Eddie nodded his head, and he wiped his hands on the top bedding before he surged up to kiss Buck. There wasn’t anything soft and easy about what they were doing. No, Eddie was kissing like Buck was supplying him with the air he was breathing. Buck touched, grabbed, and even scratched at some points as Eddie made him feel like his body was on fire. Sex had never felt as good as it did with Eddie. It was the kind of sex that made Buck want to never have sex with anyone else.

Grabbing Eddie’s back, Buck pulled his hips down to rock them together a little harder, a little faster.

Twin orgasms crashed over them, and Buck felt like he had come in his underwear and shorts more with Eddie than anyone else.

“You would think we didn’t like anal,” Eddie said minutes later as he laid half on Buck’s body.

“Hmm, we just don’t usually have the time for that much with Emma. This is much easier and easier to clean up. We started this at the wrong time. Though some sex acts were not on the table due to my leg.” Buck turned his head and kissed whatever part of Eddie’s head he could get.

“This is true. Hopefully, we will get more time with that once Chris is in school. You won’t have therapy anymore, and we will hopefully soon be working the same shifts.”

“I hope so. Carla’s still good to watch the kids while I take the classes I want to make sure I’m not going to screw up, right?”

“Yes, you big worrier. She’s good. You have your friends who will step in if needed.” Eddie got up with a kiss on Buck’s lips to get ready to clean them up.

That warmth that Buck felt when he was with Eddie got a little warmer inside him. He loved that feeling, and he wanted to keep it forever. He hoped he was able to keep it forever.

The End

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