Reading Time: 124 Minutes

Title: Vision in the Fire
Author: Bythia
Fandom: 9-1-1: Lone Star
Genre: Contemporary, Episode Related, Established Relationship, Slash
Relationship(s): Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Content Rating: PG-13
Warnings: not Gabriel Reyes friendly, mention of the pandemic as per canon.
Author Note: see main story page
Beta: starlitenite
Word Count: 60,466
Summary: As the son of a firefighter who followed his father into the profession, TK has known his whole life what kind of devastation a fire can bring. At least, that’s what he thought until the home he has just found with Carlos is threatened by an arsonist aiming to hurt their fathers. In the aftermath, TK must recognize that he was more ignorant than he feels comfortable with.
Artist: Spuddoc

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Chapter 07

Carlos stopped in front of the fire station, taking in all the damage left behind by the bombs and the fire. He wasn’t sure about the others’ plan to meet here for their game night, but there really wasn’t much of an alternative at the moment and, just like everyone else, he felt that they needed this distraction of familiarity.

Usually, game night was held at his own place. They had started to regularly get together for game night not too long after the world had changed with the pandemic. At first, they had circled through everyone’s apartments, but it had soon turned out that none of the others really had the room to host their whole group comfortably.

Now, TK and Carlos had discovered that not only had their couch not survived the cleaning of the accelerant, but also both the coffee table and their dining table had been damaged beyond repair. It had been three days since they had been allowed to return home and they had spent most of the time when Carlos hadn’t been on shift cleaning the house on their own again, and especially cleaning out their kitchen because they didn’t trust the food they had stored there anymore after so many strangers had gone through the place.

On the evening they had come home Carlos had just been relieved that they had their house back. He had been hit completely unexpectedly by the dread and disconnect from the place that had overcome him the next morning. Very slowly the house was starting to feel like their own again now, but Carlos was relieved to have the excuse of their missing furniture in the living room to not have to host anyone, not even their friends. For the moment he wanted to have the house just to himself and TK, but he wasn’t sure he would be able to explain those thoughts.

“Carlos?”

Carlos blinked and shook his head to drive away the memories of the past week. TK had stopped just inside the building and turned to him, watching him with a worried frown.

“I’m good,” Carlos promised.

He didn’t even know why he was feeling so much dread about walking into the 126 that it had made him stop. Carlos inhaled deeply and followed TK inside, carefully eyeing everything that was left after the fire. When they had watched the fire while standing outside it had seemed all consuming, but walking inside revealed a lot less damage than Carlos had expected.

It didn’t look as if rebuilding would be impossible at least, and when Carlos followed TK into what had once been the communal area behind the kitchen, he found Paul, Marjan, and Nancy already gathered around the foosball table. Paul and Marjan were engaged in a game, with Nancy cheering for both of them at the same time.

“Hey guys,” TK said cheerfully, and was completely ignored by Paul and Marjan.

Nancy turned to them. “Hey! You’re late!”

“Not by much!” TK complained.

Carlos chuckled, opening his mouth to greet their friends. The taste of burned wood in the air hit him like a wall of bricks and he choked.

The room seemed to close in around him as the smell of ash and burned wood and paper seemed to fill every fiber of his being. Suddenly, he thought he felt the heat of the fire he had only seen from afar everywhere on his skin. He could hear the hiss of the flames, too, could hear wood breaking under the force of the fire.

He didn’t remember where he was. The dining table, broken in the middle, most of it a heap of ash, looked like the table at home now. Was he home? Had the flames taken his house, after all? Where was TK? They needed to get out—

“Carlos!”

Suddenly, TK was right in front of him, cradling his face with both hands and looking down at him. Carlos sucked in air and gagged again. He was sitting on the ground and didn’t remember how he had gotten there.

“We need to get out!” Carlos gasped.

“We are safe, baby,” TK whispered. “There is no fire. That was extinguished days ago. We are in the 126, remember?”

“The house is burning…” Carlos whispered, trying to get back to his feet frantically.

“No.” TK shook his head. “Fuck, I’m so sorry. Come on, get up, we are getting you out of here.”

“Yes!” Carlos grabbed TK’s shirt and scrambled to his feet. “We need to get out!”

“Okay.” TK nodded and then there was someone grabbing Carlos’ arm.

When Carlos turned his head, he saw Paul was pulling him up, not letting go of his arm even once Carlos was standing.

“What are you … when did you…” Carlos blinked. “We aren’t home.”

He remembered now that he wasn’t home, that he had followed TK inside the burned-out fire station for game night. Or as much of it as they could have with the state the 126 was in.

“You aren’t,” Paul said softly. “Let’s get you out of here before we trigger the next panic attack for you, yeah?”

“I didn’t … I thought we were home,” Carlos murmured. “I thought we couldn’t stop the fire.”

He didn’t protest as TK and Paul led him out of the fire station and to the other side of the street. He was pushed into a chair there that seemed to come out of nowhere and TK sat down beside him, taking his hands and squeezing them tightly.

“This sucks,” Nancy muttered. She stood with her arms wrapped around herself not too far away from them, watching him with a sad frown.

“I’m sorry,” Carlos said and closed his eyes. He was so embarrassed about the whole episode, even without knowing what it had to have looked like for everyone else.

“Not your fault, baby,” TK whispered. “How are you feeling?”

“Like a fool?” Carlos huffed and leaned forward until his head rested against TK’s shoulder. He swallowed and made a face. The taste of the ash still clung to his tongue. “Does anyone have water? There’s still … It was the taste of the air.”

“Here.” Marjan held out a bottle of water as if she had just been waiting for him to ask for it. “Do you have a headache? Still problems with breathing?”

Carlos shook his head and only very reluctantly let go of TK’s hands to grab the bottle. It didn’t help fight the taste, but it still helped him to relax a little further.

“I promise, I’m good except for the embarrassment.”

“No reason to be embarrassed,” Paul said quietly. “No one’s judging you. No one’s judging Mateo for bowing out of game night when he learned we wanted to have it here. Should have probably been a clue for all of us that it was a bad idea.”

That was news to Carlos, and he was sure TK hadn’t known Mateo wasn’t coming either. TK had focused a lot on helping Mateo, and Mateo had been over at their place, helping them get rid of the ruined furniture and cleaning their house. While Carlos wondered a little about the odd way Mateo chose to distract himself, it had been refreshing to get to know Mateo outside of their group of friends. The only one of their group Carlos had spent any time alone with so far had been Paul because they both shared a love for hiking and had started to go on hikes together more or less regularly depending on how their schedules allowed it.

“I didn’t think it would be a problem,” Carlos said and put the empty bottle down beside the chair. TK took his hands again as soon as they were free, and Carlos smiled shakily at him.

“You never know that something might be a trigger until it happens for the first time,” Nancy said. “You had a pretty shitty day and then an even shittier night when all this happened.” She waved a hand at the 126.

“We should relocate to someplace else and call Mateo to join us after all,” Marjan said. “Maybe we should have done that as soon as Mateo found a flimsy excuse not to join us.”

“He just lost his home to a fire,” TK said. “I’m not surprised he didn’t want to come here. But I also didn’t … I should have thought about this!”

“Oh.” Nancy groaned and carded her fingers through her hair. “I totally forgot about Mateo’s apartment!”

“He is very quiet about it,” TK said. “I think he doesn’t want to burden anyone. But I think we really need to be much more considerate of what he went through. Just because he doesn’t talk about it doesn’t mean we don’t all know what that situation entailed for him.”

“We are getting the two of you a new couch, ASAP!” Marjan declared. “Any suggestions for where to go now?”

“We could just invade Dad’s place,” TK said, chin raised stubbornly. “Mateo stayed home?”

Paul nodded. “That’s what he said when I called him. But Owen wasn’t happy about all of us crowding his place for game night the last time we were there.”

TK huffed. “He can deal for one evening. Just because we are at his place doesn’t mean he needs to join us in our games if he doesn’t like them. And it’s Mateo’s place now, too. I only didn’t invite you back because Mom was there, and having Mom and Dad in one place felt kind of crowded.”

“Cap’s place it is,” Marjan said with a chuckle.

***

TK knew he hovered around Carlos much more than was necessary for the rest of the evening. It had rattled him when Carlos had suddenly fought to breathe and then gone down as if someone had cut the strings on a puppet. TK had been so worried he hadn’t even recognized the panic attack until Nancy had pointed it out.

Carlos seemed to be fine now, but he humored TK whenever he needed to reassure himself of that. It was something they would need to deal with again eventually, but TK thought it was the right choice not to dismiss their plans for the evening, and instead just relocate. Additionally, he would have suggested a relocation in the first place if he had known Mateo had bowed out after learning they planned to meet at the 126.

TK had thought Carlos and he were doing okay with dealing with the threat to their home and lives. They were both anxious about different things, but so far, they had dealt with it just fine: talking it out and finding ways to alleviate the anxiety even if that had meant cleaning their house themselves after it had just been professionally cleaned. TK hadn’t expected a panic attack lurking in the background for either of them, but now he had to wonder why he hadn’t expected it.

No one talked about Carlos’ panic attack once they arrived at Owen’s house. Instead, Marjan complained loudly that they could hardly meet at a place one of them felt uncomfortable with, and that Mateo wasn’t to miss a game night just because Marjan and Paul had briefly thought meeting in their burned-out fire station would be a good idea.

Sitting in Owen’s backyard, they settled on playing Catan for the whole evening because it had become their group’s favorite along the way and provided a special kind of comfort for them all. After a while they ordered pizza and Owen joined them for a little while when he came home, watching their game. Eventually he left, shaking his head with a laugh at Paul’s invitation to join them. TK knew the only game to be played at home for his father was poker. Everything else was just a waste of time in his eyes.

TK followed his father, telling his friends to start the next round without him. He had barely talked with Owen since the day after the fire at the 126 and now was as good a time as any other to change that. He appreciated that Owen had given him his time, had not pushed to see him or talk to him, though TK wasn’t sure how much of that was about Owen respecting the fact TK needed some time and how much it was about Owen being neck deep in whatever investigation was still going on.

“Hey, Dad,” TK said softly and leaned against the kitchen counter farthest away from the fridge where Owen had just pulled out a beer.

Owen turned to him and watched him carefully. “How are you?”

TK’s fingers twitched as he watched his father open the beer and he bit his tongue because for a moment he wanted to ask for a beer himself. The worst part was that Owen would probably give it to him, even though TK had explained repeatedly that he really didn’t want to add another addiction to the one he already had.

TK felt he had already been to more meetings than he was comfortable with over the past week to deal with the itch that seemed to be stuck somewhere under his too-tight skin. Losing their fire station and then nearly losing their house too was a new kind of stress TK didn’t know how to deal with, and that only led to the kind of craving he had learned to hate. He knew better now than to believe that his hatred for the craving would stop him from seeking out a high if he didn’t actively ask for other support as well. So, he had been to a meeting at least every other day and asked Carlos not to bring any alcohol home for a little while.

TK shrugged. None of that was anything he wanted to address with his father. “Feeling stupidly useless because we’re all grounded from work. You seem to be the only one who is really busy.”

Owen rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ve been given a desk job for the time being. Not saying it’s not important work for the budget they settled me with, but it’s not the kind of work I enjoy.”

“At least you are doing something to get paid,” TK murmured. “Has there been any talk yet about rebuilding the 126?”

“No.” Owen made a face. “I don’t expect there to be any discussions about that for a little while. Raymond killed himself, but that honestly seems to just prolong the investigation instead of ending it. And Redford seems to want to wait for the final report about that. They’ll relocate the firefighter crews for the time being. But I’m not involved in deciding who’ll be sent where.”

“They’ll separate the shifts?” TK asked unhappily. He had known that all along, but somehow, he had still hoped for his friends that they wouldn’t be separated.

“There is no station in the city that could house a second shift as a whole,” Owen said. “It will be temporary.”

“And the EMS teams?” TK asked.

Owen shrugged. “I have no idea. Tommy can probably tell you more about that.”

“Right.” TK nodded.

“I’m glad you are talking to me,” Owen said quietly and took a deep gulp of his beer.

TK sighed deeply. “I’m still pretty angry at you. And I’ll need a lot more time to get over it.”

“You know that nothing that happened is really my fault, right?” Owen asked with raised brows.

“Isn’t it, though?” TK bit out. “What were you doing snooping around this case, Dad? I really don’t see any excuse for it. Our house might still have been targeted, I’ll give you that, because Carlos’ dad was involved in the case. But if you had just been able to relax for a little while and to concentrate on healing, the 126 wouldn’t have been targeted.”

At least Owen didn’t try to argue against that and just lowered his gaze, fiddling with the bottle’s label.

“Did Mateo talk to you?” TK asked quietly.

He had tried to prod Mateo into talking with Owen about the whole living situation but hadn’t been very successful. TK didn’t know exactly where the reluctance came from, but he had finally understood that Mateo would probably not be able to overcome it.

On the other hand, TK knew exactly how heavy-handed his father was with offering help and solutions for people he cared about, and how little he was able to communicate about it. He just did things and expected others to get what he was doing. So, TK suspected that Owen might have already decided that Mateo could just stay here indefinitely but hadn’t talked about it with Mateo.

Owen frowned and cocked his head. “Talked about what?”

TK sighed. “What’s your plan about the whole situation, Dad? Are you waiting for Mateo to find another place? If so, what’s your timeframe for that? Would you want him to stay here indefinitely?”

“House is pretty big for me to live here alone with only Buttercup as a companion,” Owen said slowly. “I didn’t expect you to move out so soon.”

‘Or at all,’ TK added in his head, but he didn’t call his father out on it. TK had expected an argument when Carlos and he had started talking about TK moving in with him, but thankfully Owen hadn’t argued against it at all.

“That’s not an answer to any of my questions,” TK said with raised brows.

Owen shrugged. “He’s probably already looking for a new apartment, right? I mean, I wouldn’t expect him to want to stay here. But he can stay here for however long he wants.”

“You need to talk with Mateo about this!”

Owen raised his brows, but TK could see that his father was mostly confused.

TK sighed. “The guys in New York all knew your kind of crazy. And every newbie was instructed about it in detail when they joined the station. You don’t have those twenty-plus years here of people who know you so well and have seen you grow into the person you are. That means you need to learn to talk about your kind of crazy again.”

Owen huffed. “My kind of crazy?”

“Taking care of your crew, even if they don’t necessarily want you to take care of them.” TK rolled his eyes. “Though, in this case, I think Mateo will appreciate all the help. But he can’t read your mind. Right now, he feels like a guest here, one who is additionally indebted to you because he isn’t paying anything for his room.”

“Of course he is a guest!”

“So, you expect him to be gone sooner rather than later, then?” TK asked.

“What?” Owen shook his head. “Don’t be stupid!”

TK sighed again. “You say he is a guest. A guest is expected to leave eventually, right?”

“That’s not … He needed a solution to being homeless and I have plenty of room here to offer that,” Owen said.

“And I wouldn’t have expected anything else from you,” TK said softly. “Mateo wouldn’t have either if he’d known you for longer. The thing is that Mateo hasn’t known you for all that long. And he feels like he owes you because you let him stay here for free. Why do you think he was so insistent on cleaning up the house from the chaos of two searches conducted here instead of waiting for you to help him?”

“I’d have helped if he’d waited!” Owen protested, because TK had already told him off the day after the fire when Owen had come home while TK was finishing his laundry after having helped Mateo for most of the afternoon with cleanup.

TK rubbed a hand over his forehead. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry for arguing with you the other day about that. I still wish you’d had taken the time to help Mateo first or to be here with him during that night. But I know you didn’t expect him to clean up your chaos. But that’s the point, right? Because Mateo doesn’t know, and he thought it would be something to pay you back at least a little.”

Owen huffed and shrugged.

“That’s why I’m telling you that you need to talk to him!” TK continued, exasperated. “I don’t think it’s good for him to be stuck in this limbo about his living situation. Especially now that we are all stuck in the same kind of limbo about work. Give him something concrete to hold onto, Dad. Either give him a timeframe to find a new apartment or tell him you’d like him to stay here if he wants that too, and then hammer out a rental agreement. Because he won’t feel like this house is home if you don’t give him a chance to contribute to the financial burden in a way he feels is significant.”

Owen flinched, but TK felt only a little bit bad about bringing up one of their old arguments from right after they had moved here. His father had pulled the same kind of stunt with TK as he was pulling with Mateo right now, though the difference was that TK felt he wasn’t allowed to look for his own apartment at the same time.

“What do you want, Dad?” TK asked softly.

Owen shrugged and carded his fingers through his hair. “I’d like for Mateo to stay. The house is too big for just Buttercup and me.”

“Then you need to man up and talk to Mateo!” TK said. “And if Mateo doesn’t want to stay here long term after all, you can always look for other people searching for room share situations.”

Owen made a face. “Having a friend stay with me is completely different to inviting a stranger into my house!”

TK shrugged. “Just saying that it’s a possibility. A roommate shouldn’t stay a stranger for very long anyway. Or you go look for something smaller.” Which he knew Owen wouldn’t do, but it was still worth it to put the possibility out there.

Owen sighed. “I’ll talk to Mateo.”

***

TK fell back a ways and watched Carlos and Paul argue about different dining tables while Nancy and Marjan chimed in from time to time with their own opinions. It was amusing to watch them, and he understood now why Carlos had laughed at him when TK had been in the same kind of argument with Marjan about their new couch.

TK hadn’t been looking forward to shopping for new furniture, mostly because he had feared the whole day would be a reminder of their house being targeted by an arsonist. He had complained about it enough during their game night at his father’s place that Nancy had eventually suggested they all go shopping together as a new kind of team bonding activity.

“I know what you are doing, you know?” Mateo said as he stopped beside TK. He bumped their shoulders together and looked at TK with a wide grin. “Thank you.”

TK blinked. “Uhm. What?”

Mateo laughed. “Getting everyone here and telling them I can’t keep sleeping on the pullout couch in Owen’s guest room and need my own bed.”

“But that’s true, isn’t it?” TK asked. “And since we are already here, we can take care of that as well. Now that you are sure you’ll be staying there long-term. And even if it hadn’t been long term and you were looking for your own place, you’d just have taken the new bed with you. I don’t know how you could have slept on that pullout for weeks now!”

“It’s not that bad,” Mateo murmured. “Have slept in worse places in the past.”

“Like the gym of the 126?”

Mateo shrugged. “Eh, that wasn’t so bad either. Anyway. Thank you. For whatever you said to Owen, too.”

“Didn’t say much,” TK said. “I mean, I’m also not talking to him much at all right now. I’m still angry and he hasn’t even apologized for the whole mess.” Which was something TK would probably wait a long time for, if it ever occurred at all. “I just told him that none of you here know his kind of crazy the way everyone in our fire station back in New York knew him. It’s not the first time he’s pulled something like this, you know? When I was around sixteen one of Dad’s guys went through a pretty ugly divorce, and Dad put him in his guest room without a discussion. Let him stay there for free, too, without discussing it with him. It’s just how Dad is. He sees a problem and the solution for it and gets on with it without talking about his ideas with the people he is offering the solution to.”

Mateo exhaled slowly. “It’s … really good to know I’m not the first or only one who’s gotten this treatment. I didn’t know how to deal with it. Cap’s a force of nature.”

TK laughed. “Yeah. And that’s not always a good thing. Living with him means you’ll need to learn to rein him in when he oversteps. Which he often does without noticing. If you don’t point it out to him, he often doesn’t understand how he overstepped or why it’s a problem.”

“He cares, though,” Mateo muttered, and TK suspected that was a novelty for him.

“He does,” TK agreed. “Very much so. Which is the reason I’ve always found a way to work through whatever bullshit he’s pulled. He is a good man, and I wouldn’t want to not have him in my life.”

“Don’t you want to have any input about the table?” Mateo asked, clearly done with the topic of Owen.

TK huffed. “I had to argue hard to get the last word on the couch. The table is all Carlos’ problem. Also, Paul seems very invested in this considering it’s for our house!”

“To be fair, we are spending a lot of time at your place,” Mateo said. “We’ve been there twice a week for months now.”

“True. I did notice that there was less of an argument and more supportive questions when we were looking for your new bed,” TK said. “Clearly, everyone here thinks that the couch and tables are more communal property between all of us than anything else. Maybe you all should also contribute to paying for them!”

“I already have to pay for a bed!” Mateo protested. “And Marjan and Nancy will drag me out to shop for new clothes the next chance they get. That’s even more money I have to spend!”

“Are you good with them taking you shopping?”

Mateo turned to him and glared, but there was no heat in it. “Wasn’t that your plan? Shouldn’t you have asked about that first?”

TK chuckled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck. “I didn’t really have anything planned, Mateo! Not even that we would look for a bed for you, too. We just arrived here and the question about a bed for you slipped out because seeing the beds made me think of the crappy pullout Mom left Dad with when she moved out again.”

He truly hadn’t been planning anything with that, hadn’t even thought about it until they had already been here and started looking for a new couch. They had passed by a pull-out couch, and TK had asked about the one in his father’s guest room and if Mateo would like to look for a bed. He hadn’t expected Marjan and Nancy to suddenly have the same epiphany TK had had the night he waited outside his home, worrying about if he would see it burn down.

Mateo huffed and rolled his eyes. “Sure.”

“They’ll back off if you ask them to,” TK said softly. “I’ll back away, too.”

Mateo lowered his gaze and shook his head. “I hate it, but … I think I need the help. Going on my own is too intimidating.” He shrugged and didn’t need to say it aloud for TK to understand that it had been so intimidating that Mateo just hadn’t gone out to replace more than what was absolutely needed.

“Doing anything alone can be intimidating,” TK agreed. “That’s what friends are for, right? To have someone who will come with you to those horrible things that seem unbearable, even if you already know it will turn out much less unbearable as soon as you have started.”

Mateo buried his hands in his pants pockets and shrugged, turning half away from TK. “I’m not used to having that kind of friend.”

TK didn’t know what to say to that. He didn’t know much about Mateo’s past, didn’t even know anything about friends outside of the 126, or about Mateo’s family.

“In the past, friends never wanted my help when I offered,” Mateo whispered. “And they never even offered help when I needed it let alone when I asked for it. I don’t know how to learn to trust this.”

TK sucked in air between his teeth and then wrapped an arm around Mateo’s shoulders. “You have that kind of friend now.” He gestured at Carlos and Paul, who were still arguing about the right kind of material and design for a new dining table. “Even if we are all a little crazy. Some more so than others.

Mateo laughed. “You weren’t any better when you argued about the couch with Marjan earlier!”

TK huffed and rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

“Sometimes I think it’s all just a dream and I’ll wake up eventually,” Mateo whispered, leaning heavily into TK’s one-armed hug. “Cap just blew into town and gave me a chance, and since then everything seems to be so much easier than it ever was before. Then the apartment burned down and I thought that the other shoe had finally dropped, and everything was going to go bad again.”

“But it hasn’t,” TK said softly.

Mateo chuckled. “It’s really hasn’t. And I’m super grateful, even if you won’t admit you dragged us all here to convince me to buy a new bed. But I guess I need time to get used to having friends like this.”

TK hummed and vowed to himself to work on being a better friend in the future, not just to Mateo but also to all the other friends he had found here in Austin. Recognizing that he hadn’t been a very good friend to Mateo was the second time he had been slapped in the face with that fact over the past few months after he had already stumbled over that with Nancy.

This time he wouldn’t forget that lesson again.

***

Carlos sighed blissfully and wrapped his arms tightly around TK who was lying on top of him. He trailed his fingers in slow and random patterns over the nape of TK’s neck and basked in the warmth radiating from his boyfriend.

The day had been exhausting, but somehow, they had managed to get both new tables and the new couch transported home between Owen’s truck — which Mateo had driven for their shopping trip — and Nancy’s SUV. The whole expedition had not only been a full success, but also a very needed distraction.

TK sighed deeply, sounding just as satisfied with the world as Carlos felt. “I think I deserve all the praise for choosing the right couch!”

Carlos laughed so hard his whole body shook and he wrapped one leg around TK so he wouldn’t fall off Carlos and the couch. It was huge and fit them both very comfortably, but it wasn’t wide enough for them to lie side by side. They had had the unfortunate experience of falling off the old couch several times, and while it had so far never ruined the mood before or during sex, it somehow always ruined the afterglow if it happened then.

“When you sent everyone on their way to help Mateo put together his new bed, I don’t think a single one of them missed why you really wanted them gone. Nancy hissed at me to always thoroughly clean the couch before game night if our ability to have sex on it was your reason for being so picky about it.”

“It definitely was the reason for being so careful about making the right choice!” TK agreed heatedly.

Carlos pressed a kiss to TK’s hair. “And you made the perfect choice. Though, as comfortable as this is, we have to get up at some point to put the new tables together. Maybe you could have waited to throw everyone else out until that was done.”

TK huffed. “They’ll have enough to do with constructing Mateo’s bed and getting the pullout out of his room. Those tables won’t take any time at all for the two of us.” He snuggled closer and kissed Carlos’ jaw. “We can still do that tomorrow. I refuse to get up for anything else today but to take a shower and then go to bed.”

Carlos hummed. “Maybe that’s exactly what we deserve.”

“Maybe it’s what we need,” TK whispered. He rubbed his fingers lightly over Carlos’ bare chest. “Time for just us. No one else invading our home because too many people already did that.”

“So, I’m not the only one who feels that way, huh?” Carlos said and shuddered lightly.

“Did I protest even once against your plan to clean the whole house?” TK asked. He sighed and turned his head to look at Carlos. “You have made an appointment with your therapist soon, right? Your regular check-up wouldn’t be for another six weeks.”

“I’ve got an appointment next week,” Carlos promised. “I organized that even before that very embarrassing situation yesterday.”

“Not embarrassing at all,” TK whispered. “It was scary seeing you like that, but you have nothing to be ashamed of. Maybe we’ve both tried to ignore the trauma by telling ourselves that nothing happened in the end. That there is nothing to be traumatized about no matter how much of a lie that is.”

“You’re struggling,” Carlos whispered.

TK had been very open about it and his request not to have any alcohol in the house for the next little while had hit Carlos like a punch in the face. Because it hadn’t even registered for him as a potential problem until this very moment. TK had never mentioned it as a problem before, but now Carlos was wondering if it might have been a problem in the past, too, but that TK was just used to having to deal with it instead of asking to remove the problem.

Carlos had already decided that he’d just never restock on the alcohol front.

“Just as much as you are,” TK said softly.

Carlos hummed. “Maybe we are struggling in different ways, and that’s something we need to recognize just as much as that we are struggling at all. And maybe something we need to address in a … guided setting.”

He wanted to help TK deal with his addiction, and not just during such a stressful time as they were currently going through, but he didn’t know how to ask without making anything worse. And in case of the alcohol, he hadn’t known there was something to ask about even though in hindsight it felt stupid not to have at least suspected all along.

On the other hand, Carlos also didn’t know yet what he would need from TK, didn’t even know what he needed at all. But even if he hopefully figured that out soon, he could already see that he wouldn’t be able to voice any of it without help.

“You mean couples therapy?” TK asked disgruntled.

Carlos shrugged. “More like shared trauma therapy.”

TK was silent for a long time and Carlos thought he might have dozed off in the middle of their conversation when he finally said, “Yeah, maybe that’s something we could use.” He sighed and turned his head to press a kiss against Carlos’ chest. “Maybe you can ask for recommendations during your appointment. My therapist already told me he is not a trauma specialist and that he’ll have a list for me the next time I see him.”

“I’ll do that,” Carlos agreed quietly. They’d get through this together, no matter how much work they’d need to put into it.

Chapter 08

“Carlos!”

Carlos groaned and stopped without turning around. He had hoped that with the investigation into the arsonist over his father wouldn’t show up here that often anymore. He hadn’t seen or talked to his father since the night they had all stood in front of TK’s and his home, waiting for something to happen.

Carlos had expected something from his father eventually, even if he didn’t really hold out any hope for the apology he and TK were owed. Maybe he should have expected Gabriel to choose a moment when they were both working since his father didn’t seem to care at all for the boundaries they should be keeping to on the job.

“Major Reyes,” Carlos said as he turned around, feeling a kind of deja vu. Last time, this kind of meeting had ended with bombs at the 126 and incendiary devices at his and TK’s home. There wasn’t an arsonist with a grudge against their fathers running around anymore, but that didn’t stop the cold dread running down Carlos’ back.

Gabriel watched him with raised brows. “What are you getting at, calling me that? You did that the other day, too!”

“We are both at work,” Carlos said flatly. “We should maintain proper boundaries for the situation.”

“Come on, son.” Gabriel sighed and looked at him exasperatedly. “There is no reason for this kind of childish behavior.”

Carlos felt his anger rise, but before he could say anything he might have regretted, Kendricks stopped beside them. “Officer Reyes, Gabriel. Let’s relocate this to my office, shall we?”

Gabriel frowned. “I don’t think…”

“That was not a question, Major Reyes,” Kendricks said sharply, and Carlos turned on his heels to walk to his captain’s office.

Carlos was grateful to have the whole confrontation relocated, but he wasn’t sure what Kendricks’ goal was exactly. He hoped his captain wasn’t about to mediate between them. Kendricks had promised he would have his back and Carlos wanted to believe him, but he was still Gabriel’s friend so Carlos wasn’t sure how far that promise would last with his father there as well.

Carlos stood with his back to the window by the time Kendricks and Gabriel finally stepped into the office. They had taken so long that there had to have been some kind of conversation. Kendricks looked at Carlos and very pointedly at one of the chairs in front of the desk, but Carlos shook his head softly. He didn’t want to sit for whatever conversation was to come.

“Do you really need to make such a production out of this?” Gabriel asked. He didn’t sit down either, just turned to Carlos after he had closed the door to the office, looping his thumbs into his belt.

Kendricks sat down on the edge of his desk, facing them both. He crossed his legs at his ankles and his arms over his chest, watching them silently. Carlos took that as a sign that he really didn’t want to get involved in their conversation as long as he didn’t need to, that he had only wanted to get them out of a public place.

Carlos huffed. “I haven’t done anything to start this, Major Reyes. I was going about my day, doing the work I’m here for, when you stopped me. For personal reasons, as I have to now assume.”

“And you can’t take a short break to talk to your father?”

Carlos couldn’t help but laugh humorlessly. “No, I really can’t. If you want to talk to me, you can call me when we are both off duty. Or text me to ask for a good time to meet for coffee. Though, I really hope you’d want to meet to apologize for the bullshit from last week. Otherwise, I’m really not in the mood to spend any time with you right now.”

“Apologize?” Gabriel huffed.

“Yeah. You know, for nearly getting my home burned down,” Carlos said darkly. “And for being so preoccupied with whatever else you were doing that you didn’t even think about who all he could have threatened. It had to be TK and me to send someone to check on Mom and on Owen’s house to make sure there weren’t any nasty surprises waiting for them, too.”

“You can’t really expect me to apologize for doing my job!” Gabriel protested.

“But you didn’t do your job, did you?” Carlos asked with raised brows. “You and Owen decided to play a game with your suspects and then you let them both go free to do whatever they pleased. Raymond had to have planned a big finale. The bombs at the 126 and the devices at our house had to have been lying around somewhere already!”

“Exactly!” Gabriel said.

“Yeah, exactly,” Carlos continued before his father could launch into any arguments of his own. “I can’t imagine you didn’t have some psychologist analyzing your case and telling you what to expect from the arsonist at the end. Especially if he felt cornered. But you still let both your suspects go without having them watched!”

“They both had contacts within the investigation. They would have…”

Carlos laughed aloud, which made Gabriel trail off with his mouth hanging open. “Yeah sure, it would have of course been completely impossible to find some trustworthy people to follow both your suspects, people you could have been sure wouldn’t let themselves be seen or somehow tell Raymond or Tyson that they were being watched!”

Kendricks cleared his throat and Carlos could hear how he was trying to hide his own chuckle with that. “My officer is right, Gabriel. You fucked up with that part of the investigation, and the city is sitting on a pretty big bill because of it.”

“So yes, Dad. I expect an apology from you, at the very least.” Carlos watched his father, but there was nothing but incredulous denial to be seen on his face. “Though, I really don’t have any hope of that happening anytime soon. You clearly don’t see anything wrong with how you handled the investigation. I mean, to top it all off, the suspect killed himself right in front of you, using a pitcher of water that shouldn’t even have been in the interrogation room. But you are still in charge of the investigation when you should have stepped back from it voluntarily. Or should have been suspended from the investigation by your boss.”

“You are exaggerating,” Gabriel said gruffly.

“He is not,” Kendricks said. “There are a lot of people questioning why you are still part of the investigation. Why you aren’t subject to an internal investigation after the clusterfuck of last week. And that’s not only about letting your suspects go without anyone watching them, but also about involving a civilian without telling anyone.”

Gabriel rubbed a hand over his forehead. “I’m dealing with that.”

“You should deal with that by supporting any kind of investigation taking place and taking a step back,” Carlos said.

“You’re still so naive, Carlos!”

Carlos huffed. “No, I think you and me just see the world from two very different angles. And I don’t care anymore about what you think about me. What I do care about is that I don’t want to have anything to do with your kind of work ethics. Thankfully we work for two different organizations, so it shouldn’t be a problem at all not to work together.”

“Is that why you ignored my orders to inform the 126 of Owen’s arrest last week?” Gabriel asked.

“That was a great example of you not caring for any common sense about protocol and why so many of those rules are important,” Carlos said. “You knew that TK and Owen’s shift were working. I was the last person you should have wanted to send there. You were the last person who should have arrested Owen after you had dinner with him just two nights before that.”

“It was that dinner that made it possible for us to set the trap that caught us the arsonist!” Gabriel said.

“Sure, keep telling yourself that you caught him,” Carlos muttered and rolled his eyes. “I requested of my captain that I not have to work with you. Because I’m not comfortable with the lines you like to cross professionally. It’s not the first time you didn’t step back from an investigation when you should have because of personal connections.”

“And I’m happy to support Officer Reyes in that request,” Kendricks said.

Gabriel abruptly turned to look at his friend. “What?”

Kendricks nodded. “It’s a very reasonable request. Your team might have used this precinct as a headquarters for the arson investigation because it was a joint operation, but that doesn’t give you any right to order my people around when they weren’t part of the operation to begin with. Officer Reyes did the right thing by coming to me to confirm the orders he was given by someone outside of his chain of command in a non-emergency situation.”

“You are really taking his side in his temper tantrum, Frank?” Gabriel asked.

“It’s my job to have my officers’ backs,” Kendricks said. “Our friendship doesn’t have any weight in this room or anywhere in this house when I need to make decisions for the men and women working for me.”

Gabriel inhaled deeply.

“I will keep addressing you as Major Reyes whenever we meet while we are on duty,” Carlos said. “It would be great if you found at least enough respect for your job to accept my boundaries here even if you can’t find that respect for me personally.”

Gabriel flinched ever so slightly, but Carlos didn’t miss it.

“And I already told you what I expect in our personal relationship,” Carlos said. “No matter what you try to tell yourself, the responsibility for the destruction of the 126 lies on your and Owen Strand’s shoulders. Just like the responsibility for TK and I being evacuated from our house. We could have easily burned with our house that night, and we are still cleaning up the mess right now. That part probably rests solely on your shoulders, because I can’t imagine you hadn’t been antagonizing Raymond all along while working with him.”

Carlos inhaled deeply. “So, his grand finale was probably planned all along to target you and your family. Maybe those bombs at the 126 were originally planned for your home before Owen got himself involved in the mess? Or your own headquarters as your place of work?”

Carlos pursed his lips and after a moment, he couldn’t help himself but add, “Probably for your workplace. Raymond wouldn’t have missed that your home isn’t really all that important to you. I honestly wonder if I wasn’t targeted as some kind of sick favor he was imagining doing you there.”

“Carlos,” Kendricks said sharply while Gabriel blanched.

Carlos shrugged, not feeling sorry at all. Maybe that had been a low blow, but he didn’t think it could do any harm to share these thoughts with his father or his father’s friend, even if it might be unfortunate that the latter was also his captain. “Just putting it how I see it. We won’t find out what Raymond really thought anyway now.”

“He said he was taking what was most important to Owen and me,” Gabriel said quietly.

Carlos raised his brows. “He might have said that, sure. But how long did it take you to think of me with that? Raymond clearly didn’t expect you to think of TK and me in time to save us. Otherwise, he’d have set up that trap differently, chosen another warning.”

Gabriel sucked in air through his teeth.

“Anyway.” Carlos sighed deeply. “I’d like to go back to work instead of arguing about our private situation. And I hope you’ll finally get the message to leave me alone while I’m on the job, Papi. I understand that you don’t think I’m worth anything in the job I do, but ultimately that’s not your decision and no one in my chain of command has had a reason to complain yet.”

That wasn’t quite true, but Carlos hoped Gabriel didn’t know too much about the whole mess Carlos had created for himself by indulging Michelle in her desperate search for Iris. Kendricks had had his back then, too, in a way Carlos probably didn’t deserve.

“I’ll make sure Major Reyes understands to respect your boundaries,” Kendricks said, watching Carlos with the kind of warm smile he only knew from the afternoons of his childhood spent with Kendricks’ children. “You can return to what you were doing, Officer.”

Carlos nodded. “Thank you.”

Gabriel reached out a hand when Carlos passed him by, but Carlos stepped to the side, avoiding him. He left the room without looking at his father again, his heart beating painfully in his chest.

***

“Carlitos!”

Carlos grinned and dutifully leaned down when his mother grabbed his shoulders so that she could kiss each of his cheeks.

“Come in!” Andrea instructed, one hand on his back between his shoulders as she softly pushed him into the house.

She hadn’t been this handsy in a long time, and Carlos knew immediately that his father had already talked to her and what her fears were about the whole situation. His mother wasn’t even wrong in her fears, but it still made Carlos’ heart ache to put her through this kind of turmoil.

“I’ve made fajitas for lunch,” Andrea said, her forced cheerfulness grating even more on Carlos’ nerves.

Carlos stopped just inside the kitchen and turned to his mother to pull her into a tight hug. “I love you, Mamá. Please stop worrying!”

Andrea huffed and returned the hug fiercely. “How can I not worry? Your house was nearly set on fire and you and TK haven’t been here once since that night! You have been fighting with your father, too!”

“What’s he been telling you?” Carlos asked quietly.

Andrea sighed and pushed Carlos to the table and into one of the chairs. “I’d like to hear your version.”

“For that, I need to know what he is complaining about,” Carlos said.

Andrea stared at him with her lips pursed. Then she nodded and started bringing the food from the stove to the table, swatting his shoulder when Carlos attempted to get up and help her. He was used to it, and he knew if he managed to be the first one up from the table to start cleaning after the meal he would have a chance to convince her to stay seated and let him do the work.

“Your father said you got in trouble about an investigation a while ago,” Andrea said softly. “Something about letting a suspect go after a bank robbery.”

Carlos frowned. That was more information than his mother should have had, but he wasn’t surprised anymore that his father didn’t care about what he could and couldn’t share with anyone about his job. Gabriel had probably shared confidential information with Andrea much more often than Carlos wanted to know.

“He said he got you out of trouble there, but ever since you have been causing fights when the two of you need to work together. He is worried about you ruining your career.”

Carlos stared at her open-mouthed until the laughter of sheer disbelief just started bubbling out of his chest. He grabbed the edge of the table and rubbed his other hand over his face. “That’s … That’s really what he said?”

Andrea nodded silently and sat down opposite Carlos.

“That’s not at all what happened,” Carlos said. “But I assume he added in some comment about me not being able to handle the job, yes?”

“He’s always been worried about you,” Andrea said softly.

“No, he really hasn’t been,” Carlos said darkly. He folded his arms on the table and watched his mother with a sad smile. “He believes I’m besmirching the job he lives for. He thinks I’m too weak for the job, and I told TK the other day that I really don’t want to know if he always thought that way about me or if he only started thinking that after I came out to you.”

Andrea stared at him wide-eyed and pale.

“Both would be equally horrible, so I really don’t want you to tell me what you think about that,” Carlos said quietly. “Yes, I was investigated not too long ago for a decision I made. In fact, I was investigated and interrogated by Major Reyes, and he didn’t seem bothered at all by the conflict of interest. I’m pretty sure he thinks he did me a favor. No matter that he came into the investigation after already having made up his mind about my so-called mistake, and that many people now think I only got away with it because my father investigated me when in truth he’d probably have liked to use it as a reason to get me off the job he thinks me so unsuited for if there had been even the slightest excuse to do so.”

“That’s not—”

“Don’t,” Carlos interrupted her softly. “It’s exactly what he thinks of me. After it turned out that I had been right to follow my gut, that it might have very well saved a man’s life, he still held firm in his opinion. He also told me right there to my face that he thought me too weak for the job — and that wasn’t the first time he said it. So, I’ve tried to put some distance between us on the job. He doesn’t work for the APD, he has no say about anything I do on the job. Captain Kendricks supports and agrees with me, by the way.”

Andrea bit her lip and frowned.

“Papi has no reason to give me any orders while we are on the job,” Carlos said. “Maybe barring some emergency situation, but we haven’t been in that kind of situation so far. There are a lot of things about how he is handling his job that I’m very uncomfortable with. That he told you as much as he did about the case where he investigated me is just one more example of that. He has no business telling you any details about even a single case he is working on, but I now have to assume it’s a common occurrence that he shares information about cases with you.”

Andrea lowered her head, which was answer enough for Carlos.

“We did have an argument a couple of days ago while we were both on shift,” Carlos admitted. “But that happened behind closed doors in my captain’s office after Papi intercepted me in the hall of the precinct and I tried to subtly remind him that he really wasn’t my father in that moment by calling him Major Reyes.”

“I can see how much he would have disliked that,” Andrea admitted, but there was also a mischievous smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

“He did,” Carlos agreed. “I told him how disgusted I am by the way he handles his job at times. The case where he investigated me wasn’t the only time he’s stayed with an investigation where I think he should have stepped away because of personal connections. Where protocol dictates he should have taken a step back. I fully blame him for the fire station 126 blowing up and for TK and me nearly having our house set on fire because he miscalculated during an investigation. He doesn’t agree with me, of course, and doesn’t understand why I expect an apology. Or why I’m appalled he didn’t think about warning you himself.”

Andrea looked at him hesitantly. “I … honestly didn’t take your warning very seriously. I thought you were overreacting because of the threat to your own house. And Gabriel thought so, too.”

Carlos exhaled slowly. “I’m sure you heard what happened to the 126.” It had been all over the local news and included a lot of information about the arsonist that Carlos had been surprised to see made public. “The same guy who placed those bombs was very thorough in leaving boxes all over TK’s and my house to set fire to it, probably after we had gone to bed.”

Andrea sucked in a breath.

“He was specifically targeting Papi and Owen Strand,” Carlos continued. “He could have easily left some nasty surprises here and I’m very relieved he didn’t. I’m also grateful you left the house despite not believing me.”

“I’d never want you to worry about me, Carlitos,” Andrea whispered. “You are very angry at Gabriel.”

Carlos raised his brows because he didn’t think he had said anything about how he was feeling at all.

Andrea chuckled sadly. “It’s written all over your face and the way you hold your shoulders and in how your voice sounds. You’re my son. I’ll never forget how different emotions make you look and sound no matter how … strained our relationship has become.”

“I hated those two years when I didn’t talk to you,” Carlos admitted. He stared at the food that sat forgotten on the table between them. Maybe he shouldn’t have come here for lunch to have this conversation.

“It was very difficult,” Andrea agreed quietly. “And not something I want to ever experience again with any of my children.”

Carlos bit his lip and drummed his fingers on the table. “The thing is … Papi is stressing me out a lot. Not just with his frankly appalling behavior at work. I … I don’t want … I’ve talked a lot about this situation with TK and with my therapist.”

Andrea flinched as she always did when Carlos mentioned that he was regularly seeing a therapist. It was something neither of his parents understood so Carlos usually didn’t mention it. But Carlos wanted to make sure his mother knew he hadn’t made this decision lightly or hastily.

“TK pointed out that I could and honestly should have a relationship with each of you on your own. That me not wanting to see Papi for a while because he makes me miserable doesn’t have to mean that I can’t see you.”

Andrea stood so abruptly that her chair tipped over. She briskly walked around the table and took Carlos’ hands as she sat down on the chair right beside him. “Is that really … Oh, Carlitos!” She shook her head and bit her lip.

“I can’t make him respect me or make him accept that the way I’m living my life makes me happy,” Carlos said softly. “But I also can’t go on just accepting his abuse. And it is abuse, Mamá, when he tells me in the middle of my workplace that he thinks I’m too weak for the job I’m doing.”

“That’s not…”

“Stop saying it’s not what he thinks!” Carlos interrupted her harshly. “If it weren’t what he thinks, he wouldn’t say it. He especially wouldn’t repeat it over and over again. To you as much as to me and who knows who else he is saying these things to.”

Carlos bit his lip so he wouldn’t tell his mother his suspicions about the arsonist’s motives, which he had openly voiced to his father two days ago in Kendricks’ office. He knew it had already been cruel saying it to his father, though he didn’t regret it. But there was no reason to burden his mother with that kind of thought.

Andrea closed her eyes and breathed deeply. Her hands shook and Carlos squeezed them tightly.

“I’ve had this thought that I really didn’t want to see Papi or spend any time with him for a long time,” Carlos said quietly. “But it was also stuck in my head that having contact with you, spending time with you in any capacity meant that I just needed to accept Papi along the way, too. So, I gritted my teeth and tried to ignore his jabs as well as I could, and consequently I didn’t spend as much time with you as I’d like to avoid him.”

“Oh Carlitos, I’m so sorry,” Andrea whispered. “You shouldn’t ever feel this way! I’m so sorry that I didn’t notice!”

“That’s as much on me,” Carlos said. “I could have talked to you about it, and I didn’t. I never even spelled it out in that much detail for myself until I talked about it with TK not that long ago. Do you think you can support me in this?”

Ever since TK had first brought the idea to mind that of course he could have a relationship with his mother even if he didn’t have one with his father, Carlos had wondered if it was as easy as TK suggested. If Andrea started meddling, if she tried to facilitate meetings between Carlos and Gabriel, the whole plan would just blow up in Carlos’ face.

Recognizing that he didn’t know if his mother would follow his wishes in this situation had hurt. And it made him shy away from the whole plan, but his last confrontation with Gabriel made him feel that he didn’t have any other choice anymore. Dealing with his father kept pulling him down, and he couldn’t let that happen anymore.

“Of course I’ll support you!” Andrea said heatedly.

Carlos smiled sadly. “It’s … It feels like I’m asking you to decide between us which I’ve been told repeatedly is stupid.”

Andrea cleared her throat. “I’m sure your therapist didn’t use the word stupid.”

“No, but TK did,” Carlos said, grinning just for a moment.

“I’m really glad to see you with such a supportive partner in your life,” Andrea whispered. “I’ve been worried about it for some time. You never…” She turned her head to the side. “But I know it’s our fault that you never introduced anyone to us before. You wouldn’t have introduced us to TK either, would you?”

“Not for some time to come,” Carlos agreed. “I … didn’t think such an introduction would have been welcome.” He still didn’t believe his father was very happy about the introduction, despite the buddy he had clearly found in Owen.

Andrea nodded slowly. Carlos waited for her to say anything, but he wasn’t surprised when nothing came.

“I don’t want to see Papi for the time being,” Carlos continued eventually. “But at the same time, I do want to spend more time with you. Meet you for lunch more regularly, do fun things with you. Do you think that’s possible?”

“I’d be very happy if you and I would spend more time together again,” Andrea said softly and turned her head to look at him. She smiled hesitantly. “Maybe we can start with a regular lunch meeting once a week. There are a lot of food places around town I’d like to try out that your father has no interest in even looking at. It would be nice to have your company while I work my way through that list.”

“That sounds great,” Carlos said, feeling hopeful for the first time that this would work out, that he wasn’t on a path to cutting contact with both his parents again.

***

“Hey!” TK snatched Carlos’ arm just as he passed him while looking for the next little thing to clean up or put in its rightful place or even find a new place for.

Carlos knew there was nothing out of place in the house and nothing needed to be cleaned. But he couldn’t help doing anything with the nervous energy buzzing in his limbs, and the new couch and tables still made the living room and dining area look unfamiliar enough that everything felt a little out of place. He missed the old ones in a way that was startling because he had never before been very attached to any kind of furniture.

TK pulled Carlos over to the couch and pushed him down on it. For a moment, Carlos’s mind was flooded with the images of them testing the couch out thoroughly for all the qualities they hadn’t been able to test in the store. He grinned for a moment at TK as he sat down beside him.

“Did your mom react that badly?” TK asked softly. He bit his lip as he watched him, one hand still curled around Carlos’ wrist and the other rubbing over his shoulder.

“Actually, no.” Carlos shrugged and stared at his hands. “She was supportive. Didn’t try to argue on Papi’s behalf either. She tried a couple of times to explain or maybe defend his point of view or his opinions. But I think she understands that I really don’t care for her to explain any of it.”

TK hummed.

“I think she was even really happy when I suggested making an effort to spend more time with each other again,” Carlos whispered. “She asked about you a lot, too, and made some suggestions for things the three of us could do together.”

“Sounds great,” TK said softly.

Carlos sighed. “Yeah.”

“So, what’s making you so nervous you can’t sit down?” TK asked.

“Don’t know. Just feels like … I love my father. And I wish he would … just accept who I am. I didn’t think I’d ever go back to not having contact with either of them. But Mamá didn’t even seem really surprised.”

“I’m sure she’s seen that spending time with your dad was difficult for you,” TK whispered.

“I feel like I’ve lost something. As if I’m ripping my family apart.”

“I’m so sorry,” TK murmured. He kissed Carlos’ temple and then leaned his forehead against it. “I wish I could do anything to make this better. Maybe he just needs some time in this time-out you just put him in. Or maybe he won’t come around. But that’s his loss. He has an amazing son he should be proud of. That he can’t see that isn’t your fault.”

Carlos closed his eyes and shrugged. The way his mother had reacted made him believe that there wasn’t any chance of his father ever changing his opinion. While part of Carlos was relieved Andrea hadn’t argued about his decision or pleaded for him to give his father a second chance, it also made him think that she didn’t see a chance for Gabriel ever turning around either.

“But things with your mom are good, right? That’s something to hold onto.”

Carlos cleared his throat. “Yeah.”

“What can I do to help?” TK asked. “Because letting you roam restlessly through the house is not something I can do anymore. You are driving me crazy!”

Carlos pondered that question quietly for a while. There really wasn’t anything he wanted to do, and he especially didn’t want to leave the house.

“Let’s just stay and watch a movie or a series that doesn’t require any attention,” Carlos whispered. “Something stupid and innocuous.”

“We can do that,” TK agreed. “I’ll get something to drink and a couple of snacks so we won’t need to get up until it’s time to go to bed. And you look through our watchlists for something to fit your mood.”

TK kissed his temple again and trailed his fingers through Carlos’ hair before he stood. Carlos watched him walk over to the kitchen, unable to take his gaze off his boyfriend. Turning around even just to take the remote so he could scroll through their watchlist somehow felt like more of a burden than he could bear at the moment.

In the end, it was TK who chose what they were watching, because Carlos didn’t feel like making any more decisions at all, not even something as inconsequential as what they watched.

Chapter 09

Nancy groaned as she braced her hands on the kitchen island in Tommy’s house. “Why can’t we go to work, too?”

“Because the AFD has no free spot in an ambulance bay,” Tommy said chuckling. “I guess we are lucky the ambulance was parked out in front of the station and we could drive it away to save it from the flames. I’m sure someone will think of a solution soon.”

“No one can be happy about paying us while we aren’t working,” TK agreed.

“It feels weird, right?” Nancy murmured. “Being paid without working for it? I’ve made my peace with it, but…” She trailed off with a shrug.

“It does,” Tommy agreed. “But at least finding a spot where we can clean and restock our ambulance without getting in the way of another EMS team will be easier and faster than getting a new ambulance.”

TK made a face. Both the 126’s engine and ladder truck had been inside the station, and they hadn’t dared to move them for fear there might be bombs in or under the vehicles. They had survived the fire for the most part, but they both needed extensive repairs before they could be used again.

“The rest of the 126 is working again today?” Charles asked as he put a plate with sliced bell peppers and onions beside Tommy. For a moment he looked at her as if he wanted to demand the place in front of the stove, but then he sighed and leaned against the counter instead.

Tommy had invited TK and Nancy over for lunch with her family and TK hadn’t hesitated to accept. Anything was better than sitting home alone while everyone else was working, though the invitation was an unexpected new step in their friendship. Aside from the one time they had tried to bring her to her daughter’s black belt exam, Tommy had kept her family very carefully separated from her work.

TK nodded and leaned over the island to snatch a slice of bell pepper. “They’ve been spread out over the city. But they only learned where to report late yesterday evening, so we don’t know where they are. I hope the AFD left them together in pairs, at least.”

“They are all grown adults,” Nancy said, chuckling. “They’ll deal with being alone in a new group. If we ever get placed with another team because someone called in sick, we’ll be sent there all on our own, too.”

TK shrugged and got his hand swatted away by Charles when he tried to steal another slice. “Sure. But it still sucks and I think with the fire we’ve all suffered enough. And with the firefighters, they at least have a choice to send them in pairs.”

“Any word yet on plans to rebuild your station?” Charles asked and pointed at TK with a mock scowl. “If you can’t keep your hands to yourself, you are banned from the kitchen, TK! That’s a house rule!”

TK laughed and raised his hands in surrender.

“No news yet,” Tommy said. “Last time I talked to Owen he didn’t know anything either, and he is sitting at the source right now. He is not happy about the desk job.”

TK bit his lip. He thought it might be time for his father to take a permanent desk job. Owen had been able to mask the impact of his treatment on his physical readiness with everyone else, probably because no one here really knew him and what he had been capable of. But TK had noticed that his father had gotten more careful with any strenuous activity he engaged in and now he’d had lung surgery as well. Who knew how that would affect his fitness going forward?

“How are you doing, Charles?” TK asked.

Charles watched him with raised brows but didn’t call him out on the abrupt change of subject. “As well as can be expected. It’s horrible how fast I get tired. And how often that comes out of left field.” He waved at Tommy. “Which is why I’m not allowed at the stove for the time being!”

“I was worried I’d forget how to cook anyway!” Tommy laughed. “You haven’t let me cook since the first lockdown! This break does us both some good.”

Charles laughed and shrugged. “Maybe. And I feel how I get better every day. Though, I have to say it’s a relief that your team isn’t working right now. I wouldn’t be too comfortable being alone with the girls right now for more than a couple of hours.”

Nancy nodded slowly. “Yeah, I can understand that. How will you handle that when you’ve opened up the restaurant again?” She bit her lip and watched Tommy. “Will you quit your job?”

Tommy took a deep breath and shook her head. “I admit that was the plan at first. But I … As much as I’ve enjoyed seeing Evie and Izzy grow up, being there for all of it, I think they and I deserve a little bit of independence from each other.”

“The other day they very seriously informed us they are nearly eleven now and can handle staying home alone for an afternoon,” Charles said, chuckling.

“Isn’t their birthday still half a year away?” TK asked, though he remembered that by the time he was ten he had long been in possession of his own key to both his parents’ apartments. It had already been a couple of years since he had started to spend many afternoons at the 252.

Tommy huffed. “More than half a year. But in their eyes, they’ve been nearly eleven since the day after their last birthday.”

Nancy laughed. “Fair.”

“I think they aren’t entirely wrong,” Charles said softly. “They are old enough to learn to take care of themselves for a little while. But they are also both involved in afterschool activities, and of course we have Tommy’s parents in town who’re always happy to have them and are constantly demanding more time. We’ll manage with both of us working now.”

Nancy sighed. “I’m glad.”

Tommy smiled at her softly. “I would miss working with the pair of you. We have grown into a good team, right?”

“We have,” TK agreed with a bright smile.

“Mom! Dad!” Evie and Izzy came running out of their room where they had been sitting doing homework.

“Are you done—” Charles began.

“Look outside!” Izzy nearly shouted and pointed out the window.

TK turned to look as did Charles and Nancy, but he had no idea what he was seeing. The horizon over the neighboring houses was rapidly darkening, but he was sure it wasn’t any kind of cloud rushing in their direction.

“Sandstorm,” Charles said quietly.

“What?” TK asked aghast.

“Nancy, TK, help me check that all the windows are closed,” Tommy said urgently, pulling TK out of his surprise.

What followed was a flurry of activity while they heard the wind outside rise in strength. They had just returned to the living room when it suddenly got dark. Izzy and Evie stood as close to the window in the living room as their parents would let them — which wasn’t very close at all — and watched fascinated as the sand pelted the windows.

Tommy turned on the news and TK was glad to have something else to look at other than the sand outside. There was already footage on the news from the areas where the storm had passed through, showing the kind of destruction TK thought he wouldn’t ever get used to. It was also so different from what they had seen after the tornado a year earlier.

“You think we can get our rig out of the city garage they’ve stored it in?” Nancy asked.

TK nodded slowly without turning his head away from the screen. “Yeah, I’m sure we can. It’s fully stocked. And they’ll be grateful for any additional personnel out there today.”

Tommy bit her lip and looked to her family. “You should go, yes.”

Evie turned around. “You, too, Mommy. They need your help, too.”

TK turned to Charles who looked torn between agreeing with his daughter and worrying. They had just talked about his uneasiness and fear of not being able to be there for his children in the way they needed because he was still healing.

“Carlos is off duty today,” TK said. “I’m sure he’d be happy to come over and stay with you.” He nodded to the stove. “And enjoy the meal we’ll miss out on!”

“Yes!” Evie shouted and both she and her sister rushed over to TK, stopping in front of him with wide smiles and shining eyes. “Please call Carlos!”

“He is so much fun!” Izzy added.

“That’d be great,” Tommy said, her voice full of relief.

TK nodded. “You should call whoever at the AFD or dispatch needs to know we are coming. I’ll call Carlos. He can bring one of my uniforms, that will save us some time, too.”

Tommy nodded. “Good idea. Nancy, I still have your uniform I picked up with mine from the dry cleaner the day after the fire.”

***

The day turned out just as hectic and chaotic as the images they had seen on the news had indicated. At one point they ended up in the middle of Austin where a plane had crashed during the sandstorm. For some reason, Mateo had been there on his own when the storm hit, and had taken charge of the situation before anyone else had arrived.

There was so much to do in that part of town that they seemed to be stuck there. Tommy and Nancy regularly left with the ambulance to transport patients to the hospital, but TK stayed helping on the scene the whole time. The first patient they had helped and then transported to the hospital was the captain of the 129, the house Mateo had been sent to.

Officially, the captain of the 122 was responsible for the scene, but he let Mateo direct a lot of the action because he knew the scene the best among everyone here. TK worked alongside most of his team from the 126 because Judd, Marjan, and Paul had been lucky enough to be sent to the 122 together, and for some reason even Owen was there.

Many hours after the storm finally passed, TK found himself alongside Marjan, Paul, and Judd cleaning up debris. There was no one left who needed medical attention, but there was a lot of dangerous debris lying around that might cause more injuries if they just left it where it was.

“I can’t believe that they put Mateo with someone like Tatum!” Marjan muttered under her breath, though loud enough that TK could hear it.

“The captain of the 129?” TK asked. “What did he do? I mean, I know he shouted at Mateo, but what was that about?”

Paul huffed. “Kept calling him grunt. And lectured Mateo about violating protocol when he didn’t check in with either dispatch or the rest of the 129. Not that he could have checked in with them when they were out of communication themselves. And driving around the sandstorm instead of hunkering down in their engine when they were surprised by it!”

“Mateo was able to hold his own pretty well,” Judd said with a wry grin.

Marjan turned to glare at him. “You think that’s funny, really?”

“Didn’t you cheer about it with all of us earlier?” Judd asked with raised brows. “I think we all were very proud of Mateo’s reply to that bullshit.”

“And did you miss Tatum calling Mateo an insubordinate little shit?” Marjan asked. “What do you want to bet Tatum will write Mateo up for it?”

Judd huffed. “He should know better. And if he doesn’t, Mateo will have all of us as witnesses for his appeal on that bullshit. Like Owen said, Tatum isn’t really Mateo’s captain. That won’t go unnoticed.”

“And then Tatum gets his own probie who he believes has too dark skin, and that probie won’t have anyone to stand up for them,” Marjan said darkly. “He wasn’t ashamed at all to talk to Mateo the way he did with all of us watching! He clearly assumed the rest of us would agree with him! How often has he done this to others in the past and gotten away with it? How many good firefighters has he driven away because he got offended by their skin not being light enough for him?”

“Probably a lot more than either of us is comfortable with,” Paul murmured.

“Exactly!” Marjan said. “We all witnessed some really shitty behavior today. And I’m angry at myself that I didn’t step in when it was happening!”

“From experience, that probably wouldn’t have helped a lot,” Judd said. “Which doesn’t mean that I don’t agree with you, Marj. Tatum is an asshole and the whole AFD knows it. No one is very eager to sub at the 129 when they need a replacement when one of their guys is sick or on vacation.”

“The whole house?” TK asked with a frown.

Judd shrugged. “Mostly Tatum’s shift, but the rest isn’t that much better.”

“And no one has done anything about it so far?” Marjan asked appalled.

“I don’t have that kind of contact with the upper brass, guys,” Judd said, shrugging again. “I’ve no idea if there just never was any serious complaint to be followed up on or if Tatum has someone covering his ass.”

“We have a reason for complaining now,” Marjan said.

“And if that falls back on Mateo?” Paul asked cautiously.

Marjan huffed. “It better not! Then the AFD will have a whole other problem!”

TK watched her carefully and leaned heavily on the shovel in his hands. He wholeheartedly agreed with her, but he wondered if she was ready to use her own platform to shame the AFD for the situation around Tatum if they kept ignoring it, and if she was aware of what that might do to her own career. On the other hand, she had just dealt with a huge amount of backlash concerning her social media activities, and probably knew better than ever before what type of force she could unleash and what consequences it might have for herself.

“Every single one of us who witnessed that bullshit should file a complaint against Tatum!” Marjan said forcefully.

Her tone made Judd and Paul interrupt their work, too, and turn to her. TK could still see some doubt in their eyes, but they were both nodding.

“Who else was there besides the three of you?” TK asked.

“Cap,” Judd said. “The 129, of course, not that that means much. And I don’t know who on the 122 heard anything.”

“I did.”

TK turned around in surprise and found Captain Andrews standing not too far away, his arms crossed over his chest. “I agree, Firefighter Marwani. The situation we all witnessed earlier is untenable. And I have no doubt Captain Tatum will file a reprimand against Firefighter Chavez. He is still in his probationary period, isn’t he?”

TK nodded and Paul behind him said, “Yeah. Should be over soon, though.”

“Tatum might try to throw his weight around to get Chavez dismissed from the AFD based on his reply earlier. And there are others who might support him because they believe Chavez should have been sent packing a long time ago instead of given as many chances as he got.” Andrews raised his hands. “Not me. What we have seen here today is more proof than should have ever been necessary that Chavez is the kind of guy we want to have working with us.”

“No one missed that you deferred a lot to him,” TK said.

Andrews nodded. “He got the scene under control a lot faster and more completely than anyone could have expected with being alone for so long. The people here trusted him. It would have been stupid not to use that to keep them calm and working with us instead of making our work more difficult. I know there are civilians who witnessed Tatum’s abuse and intend to file complaints as well. Two have already asked me about it and I happily directed them to the right place.”

TK blew out a breath. “That means Mateo will be in the middle of a fucking PR disaster no matter what any of us do.”

“Just more reason to file our own complaints and show everyone up the chain of command that we have his back!” Marjan said.

“You should do that,” Andrews agreed. “And I’ll do the same. It will be the first paperwork I’ll take care of when we are dismissed from this scene.” Her pursed his lips. “The second thing. The first will be a request to have Chavez awarded a commendation for his outstanding work today.”

“We’ll take care of it, too, before the night is over,” Judd said, his voice rough with an emotion TK couldn’t quite place.

Andrews nodded. “Good. Get back to work, everyone. There is still a lot to do, and it will be a couple more hours until we are relieved by the teams from FEMA or even a team from the airline.”

He watched them for a moment, his gaze lingering on every single one of them for several seconds before he turned and walked over to the next group working not too far away from them. TK figured that he was currently checking in on all the teams he was overseeing and had just stumbled over their conversation at the right moment.

“Why did they send Mateo of all people to the 129 if they know there are problems with that house? Especially with A-shift?” Paul asked darkly.

“Wouldn’t be surprised for exactly the situation we are facing now,” Judd murmured. “Or someone who doesn’t like Mateo’s history with the AFD might have thought it would be a way to finally get rid of him.”

Marjan cursed quietly. “Sometimes I wonder why I let Cap convince me to come here. But then, I can’t say it was really any better in Miami.”

Judd hummed. “Can’t say I haven’t become aware of a lot of problems I honestly didn’t know existed before Cap took over the 126 and I worked with all of y’all. Learned some pretty harsh lessons about my own behavior, too.”

“Good lessons, though, right?” Paul asked.

Judd huffed. “At least lessons I very much needed. I wish it had been other circumstances that brought y’all into my life, but I’m really glad you are all here. And I can’t wait for them to open the 126 again after this latest disaster. Can’t imagine working with anyone else but our team long-term anymore.”

***

Carlos watched Charles as he slowly walked back from the girl’s bedroom to the living room. He was walking very carefully, always keeping himself near a wall or piece of furniture.

“Are you alright?”

Charles sighed. “Stood up too fast after reading. But the dizziness gets less every time it happens, so I’m not concerned.” He waved his hand dismissively when Carlos started to stand. “I can walk perfectly fine on my own. Stay where you are.”

“It’s been nearly three weeks since your surgery, right?” Carlos asked.

Charles sighed again and didn’t answer until he sat down on the armchair. “Yes. And it will take a while longer for everything to get back to normal. I’m also not that young anymore, so healing takes a little extra time. I thank God every day that someone hitting my car revealed this issue. My surgeon said that the aneurysm would’ve likely blown sooner rather than later. And there would have been no help then.”

Carlos winced. He had grown up with the knowledge that every day his father left for work there was a chance he wouldn’t come home again. At times it had been a horrible reality to live in, and it hadn’t become any better when he had grown up and learned to understand just how many dangers lingered in everyday situations for anyone going about their lives. Most people just never recognized that.

Carlos wondered how much of a shock it still must have been for Tommy and Charles to be confronted with Charles’ possible death despite Tommy’s job making them more aware of it than most people were. Carlos didn’t know either of them very well, but he could still see how much the experience had rattled them.

“You are aware of course, that you are required to babysit regularly now, right?” Charles asked with a deep chuckle. “Evie and Izzy have claimed you as theirs. Tommy told me it was love at first sight, too.”

Carlos laughed. He had immensely enjoyed looking after the twins together with TK and also doing so today to ease Charles’ mind about being alone with them. “I guess. They are great kids.”

“Do you want to have kids of your own?”

Carlos groaned and tried his best to become one with the couch. “Should have known this was coming, huh?”

“I’m sorry,” Charles said softly. “I didn’t mean to bring up a sore subject.”

“It’s not…” Carlos sighed. “It’s just something TK and I recently had a disagreement about. Right after we watched the twins the other day, in fact.”

Charles watched him for a long while silently. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Carlos shrugged. He really didn’t. If it were his decision alone, he’d never talk about it again and just concentrate on making the best out of his life, preferably with TK at his side until the very last day. But he knew very well that TK would bring it up again sooner rather than later.

“Did Tommy tell you that TK’s gonna be a big brother soon?”

Charles nodded slowly. “I also heard TK’s father isn’t the baby’s father despite everyone being convinced of that at first.”

Carlos snorted. “That’s a whole other story, yes.” Interestingly enough, TK was much more furious with his mother on Enzo’s behalf than on his father’s. It had been around the time that he had learned about that when he had decided not to try to figure out TK’s relationship with any of his three parents. “Anyway. Enzo, TK’s stepfather, is worried about a lot of things because of his and Gwyn’s age.”

Charles winced. “I can understand that. TK’s parents are of a similar age as Tommy and I, right?”

Carlos nodded.

“I was worried about a lot of things because of Tommy’s age but also my own ten years ago,” Charles said. He gestured to his head. “And as we just got shown, sometimes it’s not even anything to do with age that might threaten the life we have built. And these kinds of risks only increase each year.”

Charles rubbed his hand over his mouth and shook his head. “Tommy and I tried for a long time to get pregnant. We went through a lot of medical procedures. Everything failed. And then we reached an age where we both agreed that it was becoming foolish to chase that dream. That the risks were growing too high. We had just settled into the thought that children were just something that God hadn’t planned for us when Tommy finally got pregnant. With twins, nonetheless.”

Carlos smiled. “Sounds like a very welcome surprise, though.”

Charles sighed. “It was … difficult. Because we had already talked at length about the risks of a pregnancy with Tommy turning forty, and had decided to not take it on. I am forever grateful that everything went well and that all three of my girls got through the experience healthy. But if it happened again now? I couldn’t encourage Tommy to go through with it. We already went through one high-risk pregnancy and, as much as I adore the children it gave us, I’d not want to go through it again.”

“From what TK said, Enzo seems to have a lot of those same worries,” Carlos said. “Though, I also hear Gwyn is doing outstandingly well, which is a relief every day.”

Charles waved a hand. “How does all that lead to an argument between you and TK?”

Carlos made a face. “I wouldn’t call it an argument. Just a disagreement, and maybe the realization that children is a topic we should have talked about a while ago.”

Charles nodded.

“Enzo asked TK if he would take custody of his brother should Gwyn and Enzo be unable to take care of him anymore, in whatever form that may take,” Carlos said. “Injury, illness, death. I think it’s all wrapped together.”

“Sounds reasonable,” Charles said. “Especially as most of their friends are probably their own age and would face the same uncertainties in their future. Judd has been a good friend to Tommy and me for a long time, and I’m glad he and Grace agreed to be the twins’ godparents. It’s a relief to know they are so much younger than us. So, since TK talked with you about it, I assume he is not the one who has a problem with that idea. Otherwise, he would have told Enzo no right away, wouldn’t he?”

Carlos made a face and shrugged.

“You don’t want children?” Charles asked softly.

Carlos shrugged. “Does everyone need to want children?”

“Of course not,” Charles said softly with a sad smile.

“I’d just ruin them anyway,” Carlos muttered under his breath. “No reason to put any child through that.”

Charles raised his brows and leaned forward. “That’s a very harsh thing to say about yourself.”

Carlos shrugged uncomfortably and averted his gaze.

“Do you know why you feel that way?” Charles asked.

“Does it matter?” Carlos asked darkly.

Charles sighed. “It might not. Or it might. That depends on what the future holds for you. But maybe it’s worth figuring out why you think such a horrible thing about yourself even if you won’t ever have children of your own.”

Carlos huffed. “You’re a chef, not a psychiatrist.”

Charles laughed. “True. But I’m also a father. One who saw today that you are anything but horrible with children. And I think you are hurting. Otherwise, you’d have voiced that thought differently.”

Carlos bit his lip and stubbornly stared at the ground.

“Do you have those thoughts while thinking about children of your own or in moments when you get to give other people’s children back? Like earlier when I finally managed to convince Evie and Izzy to leave you alone and get ready for bed?”

“Never babysat anyone before Evie and Izzy,” Carlos admitted because that was answer enough in his mind.

Charles hummed. “So, you have thought about having children of your own.”

Carlos shrugged. “Pretty sure that’s a human condition!”

“No. There truly are people who never think about it on their own,” Charles said. “And I don’t fault people for not having any desire for children. They aren’t a requirement to be happy. And I know there are others who might feel the desire but still decide against it for various reasons. Tommy and I met a lot of different people on our journey to become parents and in the brief time we tried to accept that it wouldn’t happen for us. Though, usually I didn’t hear the kind of self-loathing from someone telling me they don’t want to have children that I just heard from you.”

Carlos sucked in a breath.

“You don’t need to talk about it,” Charles continued softly. “But maybe it could help you. Even if it’s not my profession to listen to other people’s problems.”

Carlos didn’t react and for a while, they sat in silence.

Eventually, Charles asked, “Would you end your relationship if TK came into the unfortunate situation of having to take over raising his sibling?”

“Of course not!” Carlos snapped and glared at Charles. The idea was horrendous, and Carlos hated that it had even been brought up.

Charles laughed. “Okay. I’m relieved to hear that.” Then he sobered and watched Carlos intently. “Have you made sure TK knows that?”

“We didn’t talk about it that much,” Carlos said through gritted teeth.

“In my experience, talking to your partner about the things that might hurt one or even both of you is so very important,” Charles said. “There are couples who broke during the kind of journey Tommy and I went through. It’s a horribly emotional time with a lot of heartbreak. I believe without a doubt that we only got through it because we shared all our fears and thoughts and hopes and the occasional rising anger in equal measure.”

“Right,” Carlos whispered and rubbed a hand over his eyes. He knew that Charles was right, but that didn’t mean he was looking forward to broaching that topic again any time soon.

“So, why’d you think you’d be a bad father?”

“I just told my parents that I don’t want to see my father again for the foreseeable future,” Carlos said darkly. “Not sure yet if he’ll accept that. My mother is supportive of my wishes at least.”

Charles raised his brows. “Okay.”

Carlos huffed.

“I really don’t see the connection between that and being a horrible father yourself,” Charles said.

Carlos opened his mouth, but no words came to mind to explain what he felt had always been quite logical. He had always just known that he’d never want to put any child through the same pain his father — and at times both his parents, though with his mother it had always felt like she regretted it immediately — had caused him, and that therefore he couldn’t be a father either.

“You can learn from of the mistakes your father made and not repeat them,” Charles said. “There is no force that would compel you to repeat them. My paternal grandfather was a horrible man and a horrible father, but my father and all his siblings managed to break out of that toxic behavior and became very good parents themselves.”

Carlos rubbed his hands over his face once more and shook his head. “Doesn’t feel like it.”

“Maybe you are right and you should talk about this with a therapist instead of me,” Charles said softly. “And I mean that in the most supportive way I can, Carlos. I meant what I said earlier. It’s perfectly okay not to want to have children. But I’m not sure if you honestly don’t want children, or if you think you don’t deserve them for some reason.”

Carlos wet his lip and shrugged.

“You should try to figure that out,” Charles said softly. “Because if it’s the latter one, it’s bound to make you unhappy. And you deserve to be happy!”

Chapter 10

The afternoon had turned into evening and then night before they had been called back from cleaning up the destruction the sandstorm, and especially the plane crash, had left behind. TK felt weird about being sent home while the rest of the 126 returned to the stations they had been assigned to — including Mateo returning to the 129, which made TK’s gut churn.

One of the biggest adjustments for TK when he had made the change from firefighter to paramedic was the different shifts. The paramedic teams worked on a 12-hour shift basis that had, especially in the beginning, felt a lot more random than the schedule of one day on and two days off he had gotten used to as a firefighter here in Austin. TK had just started to get used to that change in his schedule, but somehow now it was bothering him all over again.

So, TK knew very well that he was dragging his feet when he lingered at the scene while the crews of the 122 and the 129 sorted their equipment back into their vehicles. Tommy had already told him to go home half an hour ago when she had left with Nancy to take the ambulance back to the city garage where it was currently being stored. They would meet there the next day to at least clean it, though they would only be able to restock once they were assigned an ambulance bay somewhere in the city.

“TK!”

“Dad.” TK turned and eyed his father from head to toe.

Owen had been at work when the sandstorm had hit, doing whatever it was he was doing right now in the deputy chief’s office. Despite that, TK hadn’t been at all surprised that Owen had shown up here and had worked just like everyone else. At one point TK had even seen Billy Tyson, and Judd had mentioned Billy and Owen had been meeting for lunch when the sandstorm hit. That was a friendship TK really didn’t understand.

“Let me get you dinner?” Owen asked, and he looked so hesitant over it that TK couldn’t help but nod.

“Yeah, sure. I could eat something. Nancy and I were at Tommy’s place for lunch and left to help here before any of us could eat.”

“And you haven’t eaten since?” Owen asked scandalized. He turned around as if looking for someone. “Have Tommy and Nancy?”

TK chuckled. “We got a couple of sandwiches when we picked up the ambulance. And they’re already gone.”

“My car isn’t too far away and there’s a Chinese place halfway between here and your house I noticed the other day.”

TK grinned. “Sounds good.”

Owen kept to small talk while he drove them to the restaurant and TK was grateful for it. There was a lot that had happened today that could fill any amount of time with small talk, but TK knew his father would want to talk about something more serious soon enough.

“How are you?” Owen asked as soon as they had ordered, staring at TK intently.

TK shrugged. “Still processing what happened.”

Owen nodded slowly. “I’m glad you’re talking to me at least. Gabriel mentioned the other day that Carlos is so angry at him he doesn’t want to see him right now.”

TK sighed. “That’s something you should stay out of, Dad. Their relationship is very different from ours, and Carlos’ decisions about that don’t have much to do with the arsonist.”

“I don’t understand.”

“And it’s really not your place to understand,” TK said. He bit his lip and drummed his fingers on the table. “I mean, we both know we don’t have a perfect relationship. There was a time when you really weren’t a great father, and sometimes it’s still difficult to make you listen to what I really need instead of just doing what you think I need.”

Owen frowned and lowered his gaze. There had been a very long and thorough discussion that had turned into an argument twice over the course of the two weeks it had lasted where they had discussed Owen dragging TK to Austin. It hadn’t been easy to make his father see that this decision hadn’t been at all the best thing for TK at the time, no matter how grateful he was to be here now more than a year later.

“But at the end of the day, I always knew I could turn to you and depend on your support,” TK continued. There was no need to bring up old hurts again. “I never had to worry if you would tell me I needed to deal with something by myself when I asked for help. I never for even a single moment was afraid of being rejected by you for who I am.”

Owen sucked in a breath.

“Carlos doesn’t have that security with either of his parents,” TK said. “And I have it with all three of mine. I don’t think I recognized how valuable that is until recently.”

“They seem to be good people from what I’ve seen of them,” Owen said slowly.

TK huffed. “I think so, too. Doesn’t mean they have to have a good relationship with their children. I might be angry at you right now for getting involved in things you had no business getting involved in, but that’s just as much about your safety as it is about all of it leading to the destruction of our firehouse. For Carlos, our house being targeted when neither of us was involved in this whole bullshit is just the straw that broke the camel’s back.”

Owen made a face. “I’m not sure you can blame—”

“But I do,” TK interrupted with raised brows. “I know that the arsonist must have had some grand finale planned. But there’s no way it would’ve been the 126 if you had been able to mind your own business.”

Owen inclined his head. “That’s probably fair.”

“So, please just stay out of Carlos’ family drama. Even if this strange bonding experience of baiting an arsonist leads to a friendship between you and Gabriel.”

Owen nodded slowly. “I can do that.”

TK smiled gratefully. There was a reason that TK still trusted his father to be there for him, no matter what had happened in the past between them or how he felt about him any given moment. At the end of the day, Owen would listen to TK and give him the help TK asked for, even if it might take a while to get there. TK had learned over the past several weeks that Carlos had never had this with either of his parents. He tried not to think too much about it, because every time he did TK felt horribly sad for Carlos.

“You’ll have other things to keep you busy anyway,” TK said.

Owen raised his brows and thanked their waiter when their drinks were brought to the table. “And why is that?”

“Marjan is on the war path,” TK said. “I heard you were there when the 129 showed up at the scene and the captain started to lay in on Mateo right away.”

Owen blew out a breath. “Yes. I had heard about the 129, but it seems to be so much worse. I’ve already scheduled a meeting with Deputy Chief Redford to discuss Mateo’s placement.” He chuckled then. “Though, Mateo is clearly able to hold his own.”

“Should he have to, though?” TK asked.

“Of course he shouldn’t,” Owen said with a frown. “What did Marjan say about it?”

“She convinced Judd and Paul to file complaints about the behavior they witnessed. I’m sure tomorrow after her shift she’ll be hounding you about filing a complaint, too. And Captain Andrews with the 122 agreed with her. He said there were already some civilians who asked about where to file a complaint themselves because they had witnessed how the man who had taken charge of the situation and helped all of them deal with it got verbally abused.”

“Wow.” Owen leaned back with a huff.

“Marjan won’t let this go, Dad,” TK said softly. “I’m pretty sure she is prepared to nuke her own career over it if Mateo isn’t treated fairly. She also thinks Tatum will file a reprimand for Mateo’s behavior. All of it, probably, not just the talking back.”

“He looks like the kind of guy to do that,” Owen agreed.

“No matter where any of them work right now, you are their captain. And you brought most of them here in the first place. So, this situation is yours to handle. It’s your responsibility to protect Mateo from this bullshit, and to protect Marjan from herself, I think. Because she has adopted Mateo as her little brother, and we’ve already seen what lengths she goes to for him. Not just with his test but also with his tattoo.”

Owen nodded slowly. “You are right. Will you file a complaint?”

TK shrugged. “If I had seen anything. But the guy was already lying on the ground and choking on the sand in his lungs by the time I arrived.”

“Right.” Owen frowned and tapped his fingers against the table. “I was asked by Deputy Chief Redford to take his place. He’s going to retire soon.”

TK raised his brows. He thought that sounded like a great opportunity, but he knew that tone in his father’s voice. “But?”

Owen huffed and glared at him. “A desk job? Can you really see me doing that? I can’t!”

TK hummed. “You’d get used to it. And it might be the right move for several reasons.”

“What reasons would that be?” Owen asked dismissively.

“Personal or professional first?” TK asked amused.

He didn’t really think he could convince Owen to take the promotion. Owen had been offered similar opportunities several times in New York and had always been very clear about his opinion. He didn’t plan to leave active firefighting until the day they had to carry him out of the firehouse.

Owen huffed. “Personal?”

“You aren’t as fit anymore as you were two years ago before your diagnosis,” TK said softly and leaned forward. “You can hide it here from everyone else at the 126 because they didn’t know you before, but I’ve noticed. And now they’ve cut a chunk of your lung out of you. Don’t tell me the doctor really promised you you’d get ever back to the same level of fitness you were at before the cancer.”

Owen looked away, mouth pressed into a thin line, but he didn’t say anything.

“I’d really like you to still be here when Carlos and I eventually marry.”

Owen’s head whipped around. “Are you…”

“We haven’t talked about it yet,” TK said, shaking his head. “I don’t think we are at a place to discuss it. There are still a lot of other things we need to talk about first. But I see that in our future.”

Owen swallowed. “You were at that place once before.”

TK made a face and shook his head. “It’s not … There was a lot more wrong with my relationship with Alex than I realized. Some of those things I’m only recognizing now. My relationship with Carlos is nothing like my relationship with Alex.”

“I’m very grateful that you found Carlos here,” Owen said softly.

TK grinned. “Don’t worry, I’ll remember to thank you for dragging me here — no matter how ill-considered it was at the time — when it’s time to make speeches about our relationship.”

Owen laughed and rolled his eyes.

“Anyway. As much as it might pain you, you’re getting up there in age and your cancer treatment left traces you’ll probably not be able to bounce back from fully. You are too aware of your health to ignore that, Dad.”

“I know,” Owen admitted disgruntled.

“So, that’s the personal reason. And the professional one we just talked about. There is a storm coming Mateo’s way and Marjan is clearly prepared to be all in on that. Redford is the one who brought us here. The one who brought you here personally to bring much-needed change to the AFD. Don’t you think it was his goal all along to slot you into place as his successor once you’d had time to settle into the AFD?”

Owen raised his brows, but TK didn’t believe for a single moment his father hadn’t been aware of that possibility. Redford had to have known the timeline of his retirement for some time.

“The kind of change Redford envisions doesn’t happen just because a couple of captains are working for it. Because there’ll always be just as many captains like the one from the 129 who’ll work directly against that goal. People who’ll look for any opportunity to get people like Mateo or Marjan or Paul or me thrown out of their precious organization just for who we are.”

Owen nodded. “I know.”

“And no matter how much you’d like to, you won’t always be their captain. At one point you’ll have to stop working, or you might die. And right now, I think you are the only thing standing between Mateo and his termination. Maybe Andrews as well after today, but Mateo isn’t his firefighter.”

“And you think I could do more as a deputy chief.”

“I know you could do more,” TK said. “Not just for the 126 but for the whole AFD. You could look into why it is that everyone in the whole city knows that the 129 is no good but nothing has been done about it. That even despite that knowledge they sent a probie there who they had to know would bear the full brunt of Tatum’s anger and racism.”

“I see your point,” Owen agreed.

TK nodded, but he wasn’t done yet. “And then think about who could get that job instead if you turned it down. Someone like Billy Tyson? Your strange friendship with him aside, what do you think he’d focus on if he got the job?”

TK had a very good idea about that, especially given the situation with the 126 at the moment. Tyson had been furious about the 126 being re-opened at all, and his medical situation might just force him into a desk job now, which would only make him even more bitter. TK hoped his father could see that, too.

Owen made a face. “I’ll think about it, okay? I’ll honestly consider it. But I can’t promise you anything.”

TK nodded and hoped that at least one of the points he had made would stick enough with his father to follow through.

***

Carlos rolled over when he felt the bed dip down beside him and pulled TK into a tight hug which made his boyfriend chuckle.

“Sorry for waking you up,” TK whispered and kissed the corner of his mouth.

“Was waiting for you,” Carlos mumbled as he fought the last remnants of sleep.

TK huffed and sounded more than just a little affronted when he said, “I hope not! You have to get up for your shift in less than five hours!”

Carlos grinned as he snuggled closer and pressed his face against TK’s neck for a moment. “I already slept a couple of hours and I’ll be perfectly fine with however many hours of sleep I’ll still get tonight.”

“I’ll remind you of this later when you complain about the alarm!”

Carlos laughed. He knew that was no empty threat, and also that he probably would want to complain. His shift schedule was a lot more fluid than TK’s, and the shifts he hated the most were those starting early in the morning.

He rolled over to reach for the lamp on his nightstand and then sat up, scooting back until he could lean against the headboard. For once, he might try resisting the urge to complain about the much too early hour in the morning, because this time it would be entirely his own fault for being awake in the middle of the night. But something Charles had said to him earlier kept circling through his head, and he didn’t think they should wait to talk about it.

TK sat up as well and crossed his legs, watching Carlos with a little frown. “What’s going on, baby?”

Carlos exhaled slowly and lowered his gaze. But then he thought better of it and looked back up. Not looking at TK during this conversation might be a mistake, “You know if that worst-case scenario you and Enzo talked about ever comes to pass, I’d be there with you every step of the way, right? I wouldn’t leave you.”

TK stared at him, mouth slightly agape, and Carlos was barely able to breathe while he fought hard against the urge to look away. He didn’t know how to take TK’s silence, and the longer it stretched between them, the more the knot in his gut grew.

“Hey, no,” TK whispered eventually. He leaned forward and grabbed both of Carlos’ hands. “That thought never even crossed my mind! I never doubted you’d be there to support me! And not only with having to take care of my much too young brother but also — I mean, if that ever happens, we’ll have lost them and I’m not ready to deal with that for at least the next thirty years.”

Carlos inhaled deeply, finally able to breathe past the lump in his throat. “Yeah.”

“Where’d that thought come from?” TK asked confused. “I promise you, if I’d had thought that possible, I’d have asked you about it!”

Carlos swallowed. “Would you have?”

TK sighed and scooted closer. He ran his fingers through Carlos’ hair until his hand rested on the back of his head and smiled sadly. “I would have. And this is clearly something we need to work on, huh? Talking about the difficult topics. Knowing we can talk about them. And not letting it keep us awake half the night just to get it over with.”

Carlos chuckled wetly. “Clearly.” He squeezed TK’s hand in his.

“If I had thought even for a moment … If I had thought that getting emergency custody of my brother at any point in the future would be a deal breaker for our relationship, I’d have wanted to confirm it right away so I could have told Enzo he needed to look for another solution.”

Carlos stared at TK in shock. That was the last thing he had expected. When they had talked about this last time Carlos had gotten the feeling that TK was very invested in the thought of children in general.

TK shook his head. “If raising children were a lifegoal for me, it would have been my responsibility to bring it up some time ago, don’t you think?”

“I guess,” Carlos agreed hesitantly, still far too overwhelmed by TK’s words to shake off his shock.

“I’ve thought about children of my own a couple of times, but never in any concrete terms. And not for a long time.” TK huffed and lowered his gaze for a moment. “When Enzo called and started talking about this, what I did think about was raising children with you. It’s absolutely unappealing to think about without you in the picture.”

Carlos laughed reluctantly. “Really?” He felt stupidly relieved and only noticed then how much the whole thing had weighed on his mind.

“Yes!” TK said with conviction.

“I’d be a horrible father!” Carlos blurted out. “I mean, honestly. I’d probably ruin their whole life!”

For a second time that night, TK stared at him open-mouthed. Then he cleared his throat and pulled Carlos over until their foreheads rested together. “You know, I think that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say,” TK whispered. “I let it slide the last time it came up and you said this, but it’s just utter bullshit.”

Carlos blinked, dumbfounded. “What?”

TK sighed and chuckled softly. “You are one of the most loving and caring and soft people I’ve ever met, ‘Los. I don’t know where this idea comes from, but I have no doubt if there ever are children in our life, they’ll be very lucky to have you as a father. You’d probably move heaven and earth for them no matter what they needed.”

“I think we have to agree to disagree here,” Carlos murmured, lowering his gaze.

TK hummed. “Definitely not something we want to discuss right now in the middle of the night. You avoided answering my question earlier, though. What brought all of this on?”

“Somehow the topic came up with Charles after the girls went to bed,” Carlos said. “And it was the first thing he asked after I told him about Enzo’s worries. He asked me if I’d leave you if you had to take custody of your brother and … I just didn’t know if that was something you worried about.”

“I hadn’t thought about that at all,” TK said. “And Charles barely knows you. I mean, today was the first time the two of you spent any significant amount of time together. I’m not counting our dinner with his family the day he came home from the hospital because he was clearly very out of it then.”

Carlos cleared his throat. “True.” He wet his lips and raised a hand to cup TK’s neck. “But being asked that still stung horribly. And made me worried about you.”

TK shook his head and leaned forward until their foreheads rested together. “You know, maybe this whole idea of going to therapy together is a good idea for several reasons. I really didn’t expect this topic to be as difficult as it clearly is.”

Carlos exhaled slowly and shrugged. They had gotten a list of recommendations from each of their therapists, but they hadn’t done anything with those lists yet.

“I know I’m not—” TK sighed and swallowed audibly. “I’m not very comfortable talking about any kind of future. Which might have contributed to us not talking about children before now. But I want you to know that I’m in this for the long haul.”

Carlos smiled. “Yeah?”

He knew why TK was reluctant to talk about his future or any plans for it. It didn’t bother him, but it still felt good to hear TK admit that they were both looking at a future together.

TK just nodded and shifted on the bed until he was sitting in Carlos’ lap, his arms wrapped around Carlos’ neck. “The other day you told me that I’m the first boyfriend you gave a key to your house. You are the first man I’ve ever lived with.”

Carlos had known that already. He cradled TK’s face with his hands. “I hope one day, when you are comfortable with it, this house will be in both of our names. Or we could look for a new house for us together, something that’s ours from the beginning.”

TK blinked, clearly startled, and for a moment Carlos feared he had overstepped. But then TK chuckled. “Someday, yeah. Something new, probably. Because I’m not sure how welcome we’ll be in this neighborhood going forward. But something that’s ours from the very beginning sounds great, too.”

“It does,” Carlos agreed and kissed TK.

“I told Dad earlier I expect him to still be here for our wedding,” TK whispered against his lips.

Carlos pulled back, startled. “What?”

TK grinned and shrugged before leaning forward to kiss Carlos again. “I have those thoughts, even if I’m not comfortable talking about them often.” He huffed and frowned a little. “And this is not a proposal. Just a recognition of where I see us eventually.”

“It would have been a horrible proposal,” Carlos murmured as he grabbed TK’s hips and rolled them over. He really would regret not getting enough sleep before his shift, but at this very moment, he couldn’t care less about it as he pressed his whole body against TK’s. “Let’s make a deal that neither of us will propose in the middle of the night when we are at that point.”

TK chuckled. “Yeah, okay.”

***

“Care to share what’s going on with you?” Lexi asked.

Carlos sat in the passenger seat of their patrol car, cradling a cup of coffee in his hands and silently regretting his conviction the previous night that the missing sleep wouldn’t be that bad. He didn’t at all regret how he had spent most of the night, but he did regret a little that he had gotten less than three hours of sleep after TK had come home.

“Just tired,” Carlos murmured. At least their shift so far had been quiet, which was a surprise given the chaos that was still evident from the sandstorm the day before.

Lexi huffed. “Okay, try that again. I’ve seen you ‘just tired’ in the past. There is something else distracting you.”

Carlos sighed. Of course she would call him out. “We’re on patrol.”

Lexi huffed. “And you’re deflecting. Did you have a fight with TK?”

Carlos felt himself blush and couldn’t help the grin spreading over his face. “No. Quite the opposite, actually.” He still couldn’t believe the turn the conversation last night had taken.

Lexi laughed. “Okay. So, what’s bothering you then?”

“You won’t let this go, will you?”

“I need to find something to keep you awake, don’t I?”

Carlos huffed. “I’m not that tired!”

“Get talking, Reyes!” Lexi said.

“Have you and Jake talked about kids?” Carlos asked.

To his surprise, Lexi was quiet for some time. “Wow, okay. Loaded subject. So, you and TK are clearly talking about it. Are you disagreeing about it?”

“Not really? Maybe? I have no idea,” Carlos murmured.

Lexi chuckled. “Yeah, sounds like something that would be on your mind. It’s not a topic for Jake and me. It’s a topic between us and each of our parents because they don’t want or can’t accept that we’re childfree by choice. I can’t tell you how often my mother has told me the urge for children will come eventually.”

Carlos winced and suddenly wished dispatch would interrupt them with a call. “Sorry for bringing it up.”

“I asked, it’s my own fault,” Lexi said. “And as long as you don’t start lecturing me about my biological clock ticking and all that crap, we are fine. But you know all about bad relationships with parents.”

Carlos huffed. “I just told mine that I don’t want to have any contact with my father for a while.”

Lexi whistled lowly. “How’d they take that?”

“My mother was surprisingly supportive,” Carlos said. “And I think my father didn’t take me seriously. But when does he ever?”

Lexi snorted. “Yeah. I met him a couple of times without you in the past and have never understood how you can be related. That your mom is supportive sounds good, though.”

“It is,” Carlos agreed softly.

“So, what brought up the topic of children between you and TK?”

“I helped look after TK’s captain’s daughters yesterday. Her husband had brain surgery three weeks ago and didn’t trust himself yet to stay alone with them because he gets tired quickly and sometimes unexpectedly.”

Lexi made a face. “Is he alright?”

“He is getting better, and they don’t seem to be concerned,” Carlos said. “TK and I watched the two girls the day their father came home from the hospital, too, because his release was delayed a couple of hours. And somehow that made TK think about raising children with me.”

“And you aren’t on board with it.”

Carlos sighed. “Can I ask … you said you are childfree by choice.”

“Very much so,” Lexi said. “Never felt like I wanted to have children. Every time it came up, I just knew that it wasn’t part of my future. And I honestly don’t miss anything. I don’t even really like babysitting my brother’s kids, though I’ll do it if he needs help.”

Carlos hummed and took a sip of his coffee, staring out at the street.

“Thankfully I found a partner who feels the same,” Lexi continued. “It was one of the first things Jake brought up on our first date actually. That children weren’t in his future and that no he wouldn’t change his mind. We bonded over our shared trauma of people trying to tell us we didn’t know our own minds.”

“I never talked about it with any boyfriend before,” Carlos said.

“Probably a little different between two guys than in a hetero relationship,” Lexi said carefully. “I mean, usually you’d have to put a lot more planning into it than the average hetero couple, right?”

Carlos shrugged.

“So, how do you feel about children? You said you don’t know if you disagree.”

“I think I don’t want children. But I also don’t … I mean…” Carlos sighed. “Do you think I would be a good father?”

“Does that matter if you don’t want to be a father in the first place?” Lexi asked.

“I told TK I’d be the worst father ever and he told me it’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever said.”

Lexi laughed. “I really like TK. Even though I haven’t officially met him yet!”

“Is that a complaint?” Carlos asked surprised.

Lexi huffed and raised her chin. “It might be. You’ve been talking about these game nights but never offered me an invitation!”

“I’ll fix that!” Carlos promised hurriedly.

Lexi sent him a look. “Ask your friends first. But I’d be very happy about an invite. I’d also be happy to bring Jake. Anyway, you have clearly thought about being a father if you’ve come to the conclusion you’d be horrible at it.”

Carlos huffed because that sounded much too similar to what Charles had said to him.

“Not what you wanted to hear?” Lexi asked.

“I don’t know what I want to hear,” Carlos muttered petulantly. “I wasn’t the one insisting on talking about it.”

Lexi sighed. “You said TK is thinking about raising children with you. That seems very specific.”

“It’s what he said last night.”

“Before or after the sex that left you grinning like a fool earlier?” Lexi asked teasingly.

Carlos glared at her, and she laughed. Once again he thought that now would be a really good time for their radio to go off or for someone to do something really stupid right in front of their car, but neither happened.

“You don’t have to answer that,” Lexi conceded. “But that sounds to me as if TK is only interested if you are part of the picture. Which means you are more important to him than his desire for children.”

“That’s pretty much exactly what he said,” Carlos said.

Lexi hummed. “Now your ‘maybe’ makes sense, at least. TK only wants kids if you want them, and you don’t know if you want them.”

Carlos sucked in a breath because those words felt truer than he wanted to admit. Up until TK had brought it up, he had been convinced he didn’t want children, but somehow he wasn’t anymore. He still thought it would be a horrible idea, but he didn’t think it was completely impossible anymore.

Chapter 11

Mateo paced around the room, occasionally rubbing his hands through his hair in frustration, and kept ranting about the 129 but also about the meeting he’d been called into with HR. TK watched him and just let him rant without comment, because he felt what Mateo really needed was to get it all off his chest without being interrupted.

“I don’t even know how HR learned about any of this bullshit!” Mateo said and then he fell silent, circling the kitchen island once more before pacing back towards the front door.

“You helped a lot of people during the sandstorm,” TK pointed out. “Some of them saw you being abused by a fire captain with the AFD. I’m not surprised there are people who wouldn’t just let that go after what you did for them.”

Mateo huffed and rolled his eyes. “Abused? I’ve had worse in the past and no one ever called it abuse then.”

TK flinched and said softly, “Doesn’t make it any less abusive, Mateo. Not in the past and not now. The AFD didn’t treat you well, we all know that. Just because you didn’t let yourself be driven away from your dream by it doesn’t mean it hasn’t left scars. It should’ve never happened. And after it did there should have been repercussions for those who treated you badly.”

“That’s not how life works,” Mateo muttered with a deep frown.

“True,” TK said with a sad smile. “But it might be just how it works this time.”

Mateo shook his head and rubbed his hands over his head before pulling on his hair. “This whole bullshit will only make it worse in the long run. I’ll still be required to work at the 129! What do you think those guys will do when they learn Tatum is in trouble because of me?”

“I very much hope you will not be sent back to the 129!” TK lowered his gaze and stared at Mateo. “Did HR say that you’d go back there for your next shift?”

“No, but they didn’t tell me I wasn’t going back there either!”

TK blew out a breath. “Okay, so that’s something we’ll look into. It was bullshit sending you there in the first place, but it’s utter insanity to send you back now. Tatum is in trouble because of his own behavior, and because for once he did it in front of people who weren’t willing to just let it go.”

“I’m not even sure HR is on my side in this,” Mateo murmured. He groaned and sat down into the armchair, leaning forward until his head rested on his knees. “I nearly made it! The last time I talked with Cap about this, my probationary period should have ended in a few weeks. Now I wouldn’t be surprised if Tatum’s reprimand will see me booted out of the AFD. Why couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut?”

“No one will fire you,” TK said softly. “You aren’t alone and there are a lot of people standing up for you. Our team, first of all. Marjan will cause a riot if you aren’t treated fairly. She convinced Paul and Judd to file complaints on your behalf against Tatum. And Captain Andrews was in full support of her plan. Dad’s got your back, too.”

Mateo sat up abruptly. “Marj did what?”

TK chuckled and shrugged. “Come on, you should know her brand of crazy by now. I only know your tales from the tattoo artist’s studio, but I think she’s proven that she won’t let anyone treat you badly. I’m pretty sure she’s adopted you as her little brother, and Marjan clearly is the kind of sister who doesn’t let anyone mess with her siblings.”

“I don’t have siblings.” Mateo huffed. “Or, rather, I don’t know the sibling I do have. How do I deal with this?”

TK frowned because he had never heard Mateo mention any part of his family before. “I know it’s scary to be put on the spot this way, but I think the only thing you can do is trust that the people who have your back right now will have it no matter what happens with the investigation HR started.”

“I…” Mateo frowned and turned his head away.

“I promise you, at the end of all of this, you won’t be the one who’s in trouble,” TK said softly. He left his place on the couch and sat down on the table in front of Mateo, grabbing his friend’s shoulder with one hand. “Because you didn’t do anything wrong. No one should be expected to take the kind of abuse Tatum unleashed on you.”

Mateo just shrugged and TK bit his lip. It hurt to see that even after more than a year of working with people who valued and respected him, who had his back on and off the job, Mateo still didn’t believe that was the norm, that this was the behavior he was allowed to expect.

TK remembered with burning clarity how Mateo had told him that he wasn’t used to having friends who supported him, so of course he wouldn’t expect anyone to support him now either. He should probably be glad that Mateo had chosen to come over to his place to vent his fear about the situation with Tatum and HR instead of going home and hiding in his room. TK sighed deeply and decided to take this as the progress it was compared to Mateo not telling anyone about losing his home.

“At least now I know why Marjan asked me over to cook together later,” Mateo whispered. “Probably wants to break the news to me gently.”

“Or just wants to be there for you in a situation that sucks,” TK said.

Mateo looked at him with so much doubt that it broke TK’s heart.

TK smiled in a way he hoped was reassuring. “I mean it. She wants to support you. And we’ve all seen that she is sometimes very … let’s call it single-minded in her approach, but that doesn’t make her concern or friendship any less valuable. It just means that we all need to find a way to sometimes tone her down a little.”

Mateo bit his lip, still silently staring at TK.

“But I don’t think now is one of those moments where she needs to tone anything down,” TK said. “Because you are right to worry about whatever trouble Tatum could cause for you and you need all the support you can get. I know that everyone at the 126 will have your back.”

“You’re trying to tell me that this is not going to cost me my job.”

“It’s not!” TK squeezed Mateo’s shoulder and shook his head. “It’s horrible that you even have this fear, but I promise you, at the end of it all you’ll still be a firefighter, you’ll still be part of the AFD.”

“Being a firefighter has been my dream for a really long time,” Mateo whispered. “And I fought so hard to get here. Even after everyone kept telling me I was stupid to even try it until you and Cap showed up.”

TK huffed. “After the sandstorm, you proved to everyone who ever said that how much bullshit it was! Captain Andrews agreed with us on that. I think his words were something about you being the kind of firefighter the AFD needed more of.”

Mateo blushed and grinned sheepishly. “Really?”

TK nodded. “Yes. He was very impressed with what you had already accomplished while you were the only one at the scene with any kind of training for the situation.”

“There were a lot of people helping me,” Mateo said.

“I know. In a bad situation, some people learn what they are made of, right? There’ll always be people who’ll want to help, but wanting to help and being capable of it are two very different things. You told them what was needed, and they readily followed your instructions. And I’m sure it was more your attitude than your uniform that told them they could trust you not to lead them astray.”

Mateo bit his lip, but he nodded slowly.

“I’m sure Marj has already made a whole plan of how to support you,” TK said, grinning. “From how to help you deal with the AFD and HR to how to distract you from all of it in your free time. Tell her when you need time or something else, but also don’t just reject her plans because you aren’t used to people putting effort into a relationship with you.”

“It’s getting easier every time one of you does something crazy,” Mateo said slowly. “Like arranging a group shopping trip just so I get a new bed.”

TK pointed at the couch. “That was a very needed shopping trip! We could not live without a couch for a single day longer! And you all agreed because you need this place for game nights!”

Mateo laughed. “Yeah, we all know the couch wasn’t for game nights! You are cleaning it every time before we come over, right?”

TK grinned, feeling absolutely unapologetic. “We do, don’t worry.”

“Thank you,” Mateo said, his laughter turning into a shy smile. “For everything you’ve done over the last few weeks. I didn’t even know some of the things I really needed. Like having someone who went with me to replace some of the things I lost.”

“Any time,” TK nodded.

***

Nancy cried out in triumph when they left the building and TK slapped his hand against her shoulder even though he was laughing. “We still have to go back the next two days!”

“I hate classes!” Nancy said. “We are free today! What tomorrow brings is future-me’s problem!”

TK hummed. “The ire of our instructors about you not even pretending to appreciate their work will also be future-you’s problem. I don’t think you’ll thank yourself for that. At least wait until we are at the coffee shop!”

“Nothing they do can make these classes any worse than they are,” Nancy said full of conviction. “The only thing that makes this whole thing bearable this time is that you are here with me so I don’t have to do them alone!”

“You could have just said no when Tommy asked if we wanted to take the free spots in the class since we aren’t able to work anyway,” TK pointed out.

Nancy huffed and rolled her eyes as she unlocked the car. She gave him a pointed look before she opened the door and only answered after they both sat in it. “Yeah, but I know I need to keep my certs up to date and get more if I want to get anywhere with the job. Just because I hate classes doesn’t mean I’m unaware of the necessity of them! And at least this time I don’t have to worry about scheduling it all around my regular shifts.”

TK grinned and nodded. “True. And you are right, having someone familiar in the class helps. We got through the theory part, at least. The practice parts the next two days should be a lot less tiring.”

Nancy huffed and threw him a look. “Sure. Because practicing on dummies is always so realistic! Neither the dummies nor any patients with fake wounds will ever prepare us for what we’ll have to deal with in reality!”

“You really hate every aspect of classes, don’t you?” TK asked, laughing.

Nancy scowled. “The best part of graduating high school was being done with classes. I told my date at the graduation party that I would never again sit in a single class when she asked me if I already knew which college I’d go to.”

“I guess you didn’t even apply?” TK asked. “I didn’t either. Applied right to the fire academy, and let me tell you, my parents were not happy once they learned about it.”

Nancy snorted. “My parents still haven’t forgiven me. But I’m happy with what I’m doing.”

“My dad got around to accepting it pretty quickly,” TK said. “Though, he really didn’t have any ground for complaints. He’s the one who dropped out of law school to become a firefighter, after all. Mom didn’t stop complaining about my lack of a college degree until I started working on some classes on the side.”

“You were working on a fire science degree, right?” Nancy asked.

TK hummed. “Yeah. Not sure how useful that will be now that I’m fully on the paramedic track. Maybe I’ll change it to chemistry or something else. Something where I can use at least some of the credits I already earned but that will still be helpful as a paramedic.”

Nancy shuddered. “I can’t imagine ever doing that.”

“Most of it is online classes,” TK said. “A lot of self-study. Not the stuffy old classroom setting we had to deal with today.”

Nancy shook her head as she parked the car near the coffee shop they had chosen for a well-deserved afternoon snack. “Nope, that’s not for me either. Not at the moment at least. Maybe in a couple of years. But I don’t think I want to become a captain, so I don’t think it would be of any use to me.”

“Fair. If it’s not something you enjoy, you don’t need to take classes that aren’t useful for what you’re doing.” TK followed Nancy inside and they stayed quiet while waiting in line until it was their turn. “I’m paying for both of us,” TK said as soon as Nancy ordered.

Nancy turned to him with a frown. “You don’t have to.”

TK grinned. “But I want to. Take it as a thank you for giving me some much-needed perspective.”

Nancy raised her brows. “What perspective?”

“You remember when we took Tommy out for breakfast to distract her from Charles’ surgery? You talked about your relationship with your parents.”

Nancy nodded slowly. “Because you were angsting over Carlos’ parents and your dad coming over for dinner.”

“Is that even a word?” TK asked but then shook his head. “Yes, exactly. It gave me a lot to think about. And helped me understand some of Carlos’ behavior a lot better. Because up until that point, I had really thought either I was the issue or our relationship was.”

Nancy blew out a breath. “Did you talk about this with Carlos?”

TK nodded. “Yeah, of course. We’ve talked a lot about a lot of different things recently. A ton of things have happened since that conversation, and it’s just been a month. Feels a lot longer.”

Nancy chuckled. “So much longer! God, it feels like an age since we’ve actually worked. If we ignore the sandstorm. Did Judd call you, too?”

“Paul called me,” TK said. “They’re collaborating, I think. It’s a good idea, though, for us to start on the cleanup. I don’t think any member of the 126 will be against helping to rebuild the house and volunteering their time for it. And it will lower the costs for the AFD, which might be a problem for the rebuild.”

“Has Owen said anything about that?”

TK shrugged. “No, but we haven’t talked a lot lately. I remember those discussions when we came here and Dad pushed for the changes to the fire station. Budget was tight then — I can’t imagine it’s any better now. And the costs have to be a lot higher now than the renovating we did then.”

Nancy took their coffees with a smile and thanks to the barista and frowned all the way to a table outside where they sat down. “That’s worrisome. I don’t … What if they close the 126?”

“I guess then we’d all be relocated,” TK murmured. “But let’s not worry about that until it happens. For now, we’ll believe that we can rebuild our house. There should be some kind of insurance, right?”

Nancy huffed. “How should I know? You should ask Owen about that!”

“Maybe I should,” TK agreed. “Anyway. Thank you for sharing those things about your parents with me.”

“I’m glad it helped you,” Nancy said softly. “It’s not easy to talk about, but I can understand Carlos a lot in that. How did that dinner go, anyway?”

“You mean, besides Dad and Gabriel meeting and concocting their stupid plan that cost us the firehouse and nearly cost Carlos and me our home?”

Nancy winced. “Yeah, besides that.”

“The dinner itself was okay,” TK said. “I think Carlos’ mother is very invested in mending her relationship with Carlos. His father … not so much. Carlos decided to go no contact with him for now.”

“Ouch.” Nancy made a face and took a sip of her coffee. “That’s a hard decision.”

“Did you ever think about it?”

Nancy shook her head. “No. But except for them not really supporting me in the partners I chose, I don’t have any other problems with them. I think you mentioned once that there is more tension between Carlos and his parents.”

TK exhaled slowly, wondering how much he should tell her. “Yeah. He went no contact with both of them for two years a while ago.”

“What did his parents say about his decision now?”

“Andrea is supportive. And Carlos believes his father just didn’t take him seriously. I guess we’ll see what happens over the next little while.”

Nancy bit her lip. “And everything is okay between the two of you?”

TK grinned and stared down into his coffee. “Yeah, it’s definitely very okay. We … have some work to do in some places. We’ve got an appointment for a joint session with a trauma therapist. Because we’re both … not sure how to help each other with the things each of us is struggling with.”

“Good for you,” Nancy said with a soft smile. “How is Carlos doing?”

“He won’t come to that thing Judd and Paul are planning for Friday at the 126,” TK murmured. “He is horribly embarrassed about the panic attack. And I don’t think he is ready to face the place again. He’s had some nightmares about our house burning down.”

Nancy nodded slowly. “I’m not surprised.”

“He brought up looking for a new place,” TK said. “Which might be a good idea if the neighbors start getting difficult. Some already had a problem with us being gay, and others have become cold since that night. But I think the more important thing for him is that he doesn’t really feel safe at home anymore.”

“Do you?”

TK sucked in air through his teeth and shook his head. “I have no idea. Not as much as before. I don’t trust our alarm system anymore, that’s for sure. And … the thought of looking for something that’s ours, that’s shared from the very beginning is…” He grinned and shrugged.

Nancy chuckled. “Something you are clearly looking forward to.”

“The idea is very appealing,” TK admitted. “But I don’t think either of us is ready for that kind of change right now. Getting a new security system will do for a little while. We are both struggling, and I know for myself at least that even more change is not what I need right now.”

“Can I help somehow? With the things you are struggling with?”

TK shrugged. “Don’t know. But it’s probably a good thing we aren’t on the job right now.”

Nancy winced. “Okay.” She put her cup on the table and reached over it to take TK’s hand. “Can you promise to tell me if you still feel that way once we are back on the job?”

TK nodded and said hoarsely, “Yeah. Sure. I … Actually, working the sandstorm was a great distraction. But that was non-stop action. I’m more worried about any kind of longer downtime during a shift.”

“Thank you for your trust,” Nancy whispered.

TK smiled shakily. “Thank you for giving me a second chance to be your friend after I was a horrible non-friend at first.”

Nancy blinked and stared at him with her mouth hanging open for a moment. “What are you talking about?”

TK shrugged. “Carlos and you both had to point out that there was a chasm between the firefighter and the EMS crew. I didn’t see that on my own. I thought we were friends, but just like the rest I never even thought about inviting you to game nights.”

“That’s not true,” Nancy said with a frown. “You lot did invite me in the beginning. The first two times I already had other plans, then I was on a shift twice, then I agreed to come but canceled at the last minute. And I think after that Paul and Marjan just gave up inviting me. But also … Tim died not too long after that. And he had told Marjan right away that any kind of board games weren’t his thing at all.”

TK winced. He hadn’t known the others had invited Nancy and Tim, but it wasn’t as much of a relief as it maybe should have been. In the end, TK himself had never even thought about it, and he regretted that.

Nancy shook her head. “You’re really worrying about things you don’t need to worry about. I didn’t feel excluded by you. And I don’t think I ever said that to you.”

“You told me I was brave for leaving the cool-kids-club to become a paramedic.”

Nancy stared for a moment, then she began to laugh so hard she nearly knocked both of their coffees off the table. “Oh, that’s … I mean, I completely meant that. But that didn’t have much to do with anyone at the 126 right now except for the fact that I felt no one was mourning Tim. Which I know wasn’t true. I was just very wrapped up in my own grief and didn’t deal with it for a long time.”

TK sighed.

“You aren’t a bad friend, TK,” Nancy said. “We all are assholes sometimes, but that doesn’t make us bad friends. You are actually a pretty great friend. I’m really glad you and Owen came to Austin to help rebuild the 126.”

TK didn’t know what to say to that. So, after a moment, he just sighed and said, “Thank you.”

“Talking about friends. Do you know what’s going on with Mateo?” Nancy asked. “Marjan was ranting about something to do with him and his temporary captain, but I didn’t manage to calm her down long enough to get any useful information out of her.”

TK blew out a breath. “That’s a whole messy scandal in the making.”

Nancy glared at him. “All the more reason I should know about this! He isn’t in trouble, right?”

“Mateo would probably tell you otherwise, but no, he’s not in trouble.”

Mateo was the focal point of an internal investigation at the moment, but he was very much regarded as the victim he had become the moment he had stepped into the 129. It had been just four days since Mateo’s first meeting with HR, but he’d had another two meetings over the weekend because someone had started to dig deeper into the issues at the 129.

TK sighed deeply before he started to explain to Nancy what was going on with Mateo.

***

By the end of the last day of the class Nancy and he were taking, TK wholeheartedly agreed with her opinion about how stupid and unhelpful the whole ordeal had been. Maybe he had let himself be influenced by Nancy’s disdain, but for once TK was just glad the class was over.

TK came home ready to complain to Carlos about how he had wasted three days not learning a single thing, but he forgot all about that as soon as he opened the door and found their new and still unfamiliar dining table set with plates and candles and Carlos all dressed up in the kitchen.

For a moment TK felt thrown back in time to the first time Carlos had tried to set up a date and how TK had blown up about it. He shook his head to clear his head of those memories while closing the door. When he turned around again, he found Carlos right in front of him.

Chuckling, TK leaned in to press a kiss against his boyfriend’s lips. “You’ll need to give me a couple of minutes to shower.”

Carlos hummed. “Take your time. It’s another thirty minutes before we can eat.”

“Did I miss any special occasion?”

Carlos laughed quietly. “No. I just wanted to enjoy an evening with you. If there is anything we should learn from the past month or two, it’s that every day is a gift and should be treated as such, right?”

“Yeah, agreed.” TK exhaled slowly and kissed Carlos again. He hurried upstairs and didn’t take as much time for the shower as he had originally planned, though on his way home he had contemplated dragging Carlos into the shower with him. Just enjoying the evening between the two of them was exactly what TK needed.

When he came back down, he was dressed in nice pants and a button-down just like Carlos despite neither of them planning to leave the house again. Staying home for a date still meant enjoying themselves and each other, and TK always enjoyed dressing up in a way he knew would make it nearly impossible for Carlos to take his eyes off him.

“How was your day?” TK asked. He stopped behind Carlos where he was mixing some mocktails for them and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s waist, pressing a kiss to his shoulder.

“Some pretty dumb calls,” Carlos said, leaning back against TK just a little. “Sometimes I wonder why people are so stupid. But at least it made the shift pass by quickly.”

TK huffed. He knew those kinds of shifts all too well. “Class sucked. Nancy is right, working with dummies will never be an adequate preparation for working with real people out in the field. I’m glad that is over.”

“For this week at least,” Carlos said amused.

TK groaned and leaned his forehead against Carlos’ shoulder. “Don’t remind me of the next class next week! I have five days before that starts, and if I’m lucky the AFD will need me to cover someone else’s shift for once. I just want to go back to work!”

Carlos chuckled and turned around to hug TK. “You’ll be fine. I’m sure they’ll find a solution for your team soon. HR is probably not happy having to pay you while you aren’t working.”

TK rolled his eyes.

“Have you talked with Enzo lately?”

TK blinked, completely thrown by the sudden change of topic. “Yeah, sure. If Mom wasn’t pregnant and he wasn’t so worried about her, he’d probably have shown up here after the whole arsonist thing. I’m pretty sure we’ll need to expect a visit as soon as my brother is born.”

“We have a guest room.”

“No.” TK shook his head. “I mean, he’ll be grateful for the offer, but he hates being a guest in someone else’s house. He hates having guests stay over for a night in his own home. I’ve seen him pay for his guest’s hotel room more than once just so he could have his apartment to himself despite having a guest room!”

Carlos laughed. “Okay.”

“Why are you asking about Enzo?”

Carlos shrugged. “You should tell him to send us whatever paperwork is needed about his emergency plans for your brother.”

TK stared, wondering if he had misheard. The topic of children was lingering in the back of his mind a lot, mostly because it felt so unresolved between them. But it wasn’t as burning or worrisome anymore as it had been before their late-night conversation about it.

Carlos sighed. “This decision about your brother has nothing to do with us wanting to raise children together or not. In the best case, our names will be on these documents Enzo wants to prepare and nothing will ever come of it. But it will take a load off his shoulders.”

TK sighed. “And in the worst case, we’ll suddenly have custody of a child even if we come to the conclusion in a couple of months or even years that children aren’t part of our plans for the future.”

“Life’s not always going to go how we plan it,” Carlos said softly. “You and me being here right now and enjoying date night is proof of that, right?”

TK laughed sheepishly. He clearly wasn’t the only one who had been reminded of the first failed attempt at a date. When he had come to Austin, TK had been convinced he’d never risk his heart again with any man. And now he was living with one who showed him over and over again that maybe what he had thought was love in the past had never really been love at all.

“Right,” TK said.

“This thing is about your brother and not about any plans we’ll make for our future,” Carlos continued. “And about giving him and your parents the security of having a safe place to land should anything happen to your mother and Enzo. I’d not hesitate to take in my nieces and nephews and help them deal as best as I could should anything ever happen to my sisters. And I plan to meet with them soon and ask them about their contingency plans. Because Enzo’s worries have made me worry about them.”

TK smiled softly. “I’ll call Enzo tomorrow and ask him what he needs from us.”

TK’s breath caught in his throat at the last word because he only just realized that earlier Carlos had included himself in whatever Enzo needed from them. He suddenly understood why Carlos was so giddy every time TK called the house their home now. Even with the conversations they’d had so far about this topic, TK had somehow seen himself alone in it.

TK cradled Carlos’ face with his hands and kissed him. “I love you.”

Carlos grinned and whispered against TK’s lips, “I love you, too.”

Chapter 12

Carlos stood in front of the 126 and stared at the building. The bay doors were open wide and inside everyone was busy. Paul and Judd had called on the entirety of the 126 to start cleaning up the mess the bombs and the resulting fire had caused. Carlos knew from TK that B-shift was working, but it looked as if most of A and C-shift were here to help with the endeavor.

“Hey, baby.” TK’s soft voice shook Carlos out of his thoughts as he stopped in front of him with a worried frown.

Carlos turned his head slowly and looked at TK with a hesitant smile. “Hey.”

“What are you doing here?” TK asked softly.

Carlos blew out a breath. “I want to help. And I spent my whole appointment yesterday preparing for this.”

It had been a truly awful therapy session that had left him exhausted and feeling wrong-footed for the rest of the afternoon. But somehow it had also been helpful. Because this time he didn’t feel his gut churning just from standing in front of the building, didn’t feel bile rise when his gaze traced the black marks the fire had left behind.

“Why?” TK asked as he grabbed Carlos’ hand, surprising him since he had expected to TK to question if Carlos was sure.

“I want to help.” Carlos cleared his throat. “This place is important to you and our friends. I don’t want to sit alone at home while I know you are all here working your asses off to get your station back online.”

“Okay.” TK nodded slowly and laced their fingers together. “Are you ready to go inside? If not, I know we can easily rearrange some things so you can help outside. We got a couple of dumpsters because there are a ton of things that aren’t salvageable. But so far they are sitting empty around the corner and the garbage is collecting near the bay doors.”

Carlos chuckled and shook his head. “I think I’m good going inside. If that doesn’t work, I’ll take you up on the offer, but I don’t think it’s necessary. You all seem to have some kind of plan.”

“Grace is coordinating everything,” TK said, laughing. “She can’t do much herself physically, yet. But she is a boss in directing everyone and keeping track of what’s already been done and what still needs to be. I’m sure without her it would all be one big chaotic mess without leading to anything really getting done.”

Carlos grinned. “Someone needs to take the reins on a project like this.” From everything he knew about Grace, it seemed like the perfect job for her.

TK stepped right into Carlos’ space. “I’m glad you are here. Most of the people with family in town have them here right now. I missed you.”

Carlos kissed TK’s temple and pulled him into a hug. “Yeah, I figured.”

When Paul and Judd had worked together to create the whole plan, Judd had texted Carlos about his shift schedule and asked what kind of tasks he would be interested in. So Carlos had known about the plans to work at the fire station even before TK had told him about it, and he had also assumed that he wasn’t the only partner Judd and Paul had pulled into helping.

Judd clearly hadn’t been told about Carlos’ panic attack the last time he had been at the 126, and Carlos felt ridiculously grateful for that. He knew rationally that he had nothing to be ashamed of, but that didn’t help him much to overcome the fact he still felt that way. TK had broached the topic of the rebuilding very carefully and Carlos had known right away that he hadn’t expected Carlos to join them at the 126.

At first, Carlos had been relieved that he wouldn’t need to explain himself for not showing up, but the longer he had watched everyone prepare for the rebuilding — a project everyone was dedicated to volunteer as much time for as was needed to open the fire station again — the more Carlos had felt that he was letting the arsonist and, in part even his father, take away part of his life by just watching his friends in their project while unable to participate in it.

The look his therapist had given him when he had voiced those thoughts had told him that he was probably facing some more in-depth discussions about it in the future, but she had readily agreed to work with him on the panic attack and the cause for it first. Carlos could only hope one session was enough and that he wasn’t willingly walking right into the next panic attack with a lot more witnesses to it.

“Just show me what duty station Grace has assigned you to and I’ll join you there,” Carlos murmured against TK’s hair.

TK laughed and kissed the corner of his mouth. “Yeah, no way. I’m not risking Grace’s wrath by disrupting her very careful plan of who is doing what without asking her about it first.”

Carlos laughed as TK pulled him into the fire station and over to the kitchen where Grace was set up at a table with a laptop in front of her. Carlos did end up helping TK, Mateo, and some of the guys from C-shift gather the rubble upstairs and carry it down. It was a lot of work, and it was very clear that two bombs had been placed upstairs, which made several of them swing from angry to subdued and back to angry more than once.

TK hovered around him most of the time, barely able to hide his worry, but it was more comfort than anything else for Carlos. A comfort he needed more than he had expected for him to be able to push through the discomfort the rubble left behind by the fire caused him. TK seemed to have some kind of sixth sense and always just knew when the smell or sight of something threatened to overwhelm Carlos, and managed to pull him out of those thoughts every single time.

In the early afternoon, a huge order of pizza arrived and the whole group gathered in the break room area behind the kitchen and in the kitchen itself. Aside from the table and chair Grace had used for most of the day while coordinating their efforts, there was nothing left to sit on, but no one complained about sitting on the ground, laughing and talking and speculating about how long it would take them to get the 126 up and running again.

In the middle of that, Owen showed up. The mood shifted immediately to eager anticipation. Everyone was waiting for news from the AFD on how they would handle rebuilding the 126, and everyone clearly expected Owen to have those answers. Carlos wasn’t sure if anyone would like the answers Owen would give judging by the look on his face alone, but he also knew Owen well enough to suspect the whole downcast look might just be to create drama.

“It’s really great to see you all so dedicated to our station,” Owen said after he had declined the offered pizza. “I’ll be here tomorrow to help, too. Really wish I could be here more often to help, but I sadly have other duties to see to. Which won’t stop us from rebuilding the 126.”

There was an audible sigh of relief from everyone. While they had been working, many of the conversations had revolved around everyone’s uncertainty about the station’s future. Many had feared that the AFD would ultimately decide not to rebuild the 126 but instead close it for good. There had been talk about that after the accident that had wiped out the old A-shift, and now those discussions were on everyone’s mind, especially those who had already been here before and had dealt with being sorted to temporary duty stations then, too.

Owen’s words felt like a promise to Carlos that it wouldn’t come to any of those discussions this time, and clearly, everyone felt the same.

“I’m here now for some official announcements and I sadly won’t be able to stay long. I should be able to stay for lunch, though.”

Owen watched the crowd for a moment before his gaze settled on Mateo. It took Mateo a moment to notice, and Carlos thought he only noticed because everyone turned to look at him. Mateo’s eyes grew wide, and he hurriedly scrambled to his feet, but Owen just kept staring at him silently.

“Cap?” Mateo asked nervously, shoulders drawn up to his ears.

“When TK and I came to Austin, I was questioned about a lot of decisions I made for the 126. A lot of those questions came from people gathered here today,” Owen said and paused to give some people a moment to chuckle. “Amongst many other things, my decision to take you on as a probie was the thing I was questioned about the most, especially by the higher-ups in the AFD.”

Mateo bit his lip and shrugged.

“You proved to all those assholes that they are the biggest idiots ever after the sandstorm,” Owen continued and Mateo blushed. “It’s my great honor to welcome you as a full firefighter to the AFD and especially the 126, Mateo.”

Owen was interrupted by everyone’s loud cheering, which completely drowned out Mateo’s protestations of disbelief and bewilderment. Marjan was the first up to hug Mateo, closely followed by Paul, Judd, and TK, and then the crowd around him was so big that Carlos lost sight of him. Carlos leaned back, resolving to congratulate Mateo later once the excitement had died down some.

“You are also starting your career as a full firefighter with a commendation from the Chief. I had to fight him a great deal to keep the honor of informing you as your captain that you have successfully completed your probationary period.” Owen paused and took a deep breath, which made everyone turn to him again. “It’s also my last act as the captain of A-shift for the 126.”

“What?” several people called out in shock.

Carlos turned to search out TK’s gaze. His boyfriend was the only one who didn’t look surprised or shocked, instead he looked rather relieved. Carlos smiled when their gazes met, and TK found his way back to his side before Owen continued speaking. TK had talked about the promotion Owen had been offered, but he had been convinced Owen wouldn’t accept it.

“Deputy Chief Redford is retiring,” Owen said. “I’ve been offered the position and, after some serious consideration and insight from several people, I’ve decided to accept the promotion. As much as I’ll hate a desk job, I believe it’s the right choice for myself and the AFD as a whole. There are a lot of things in this fire department that need to be fixed, and I feel I should be in a position to push for those fixes myself.”

Carlos felt is as everyone very pointedly kept from looking at Mateo, though Carlos knew that everyone here was aware of his struggle with the 129. Even Carlos had known that fire station 129 was no good and that any shared scene between APD and the 129 could mean trouble.

Owen shrugged. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to come by often. I’m not going to forget my roots here in Austin. So, Judd, I hope you are ready to keep the role of captain of A-shift permanently. I’d very much like for my first official task as Deputy Chief to be announcing your promotion.”

“Yeah.” Judd cleared his throat, flustered and wide-eyed. “I’m honored, Cap. Not gonna let you down. Or anyone else here.”

And just like that, the lunch break changed and became an impromptu party for Mateo, Judd, and Owen. It quickly became clear to Carlos that there wouldn’t be much more work done that day, especially after Paul left with a couple of people from C-shift to organize a grill and everything they needed for a barbeque, including snacks and drinks for a proper party, while Nancy left with a group of her own to organize music and games. Carlos even doubted whether Owen would manage to leave any time soon to return to the office.

A little while after Owen arrived and after the general excitement of everyone had died down some, Carlos followed TK and Owen upstairs, if only because TK refused to let go of his hand while tugging at it and staring at Carlos pointedly until he relented. Owen had asked TK for a private conversation, and Carlos wasn’t sure if he should be part of that, but TK’s opinion very clearly differed from his own.

Owen led them into the fire captain’s office, which they had barely touched yet in the hours they had spent cleaning up the house. There were still some of the markings left that the arson investigators had used to determine where the bombs had been placed and how the fire had spread. There were books and files lying everywhere, most of them partially burned.

The paramedic captain’s office had looked very similar before TK had taken charge of cleaning it up, sorting through the files to see what could be saved, and starting a list of things that needed to be replaced. Most documents were kept digitally or at least had a digital copy, but TK had cursed more than once about things that didn’t have one as far as he knew.

Owen stopped just one step into the room and exhaled slowly. “Wow.”

“You haven’t been here before?” TK asked softly.

Owen shook his head. “No. I saw the report from the investigators, but … I didn’t have time to come by until now.”

Carlos wondered if Owen might have just been avoiding looking at the destruction the arsonist had caused, but he didn’t feel it was his place to point that out.

“If Judd had been in here…”

“Or if anyone had been in Tommy’s office,” TK agreed. “I’m glad you took the promotion, Dad.”

Owen sucked in air with a hiss and then turned on his heels to look at TK. “You were right about probably everything you said to me about it.” His gaze turned to Carlos for just a moment. “And I agree with the wish you voiced for the future. So, I’ve resolved to take care of myself a little more diligently.”

“You have no idea how much I appreciate that, Dad!” TK let go of Carlos’ hand and rushed over to his father to hug him. “You’ll be great as deputy chief!”

Owen laughed, though Carlos thought for a moment he had been really surprised about the hug. “I’ll go crazy stuck behind that desk. But I’ll deal.”

“You just need to find some new project,” TK said.

“One that isn’t chasing arsonists,” Carlos said lowly.

Owen laughed and turned to him without letting TK out of his arms. “Probably good advice. I’ve been worried about the two of you since I arrived. You’re practically glued to each other.”

TK sighed and Carlos shrugged and said, “Turns out if you have your home nearly burn down with you in it, you’re left with some mental scars even if that fire was prevented.”

Owen frowned and tilted his head.

“We invaded your home with our game night a while ago,” Carlos said. “Before that, we had been here, and I didn’t react very well. That was one reason why we invaded your home. The other was that Mateo hadn’t wanted to come here from the very beginning.”

Owen cleared his throat. “I’m sorry. You are both right. I should have never gotten involved in that situation.” He cupped the back of TK’s head for a moment and then turned out of the hug with a wide gesture around the room. “This is my fault. And what happened to your home, too.”

“To be fair, I think I was a target long before you got involved,” Carlos said. “My father was on the case for a long time, and I know he frequently clashes with other investigators he has to work with. That’s been a tale at family dinners for as long as I can remember.”

Owen laughed, surprised. “I’m not even surprised about that.” He shook his head and came over to pull Carlos into a tight hug as well. “You gonna be okay, son?”

For a moment Carlos just stared at TK wide-eyed over Owen’s shoulder before he was able to return the hug. He didn’t remember the last time his own father had hugged him, and for some reason that hit him hard in this moment.

“I will be,” Carlos said hoarsely. “I’m working on it and TK is hovering to make sure I don’t push myself too far.”

“I’m not hovering,” TK muttered petulantly.

Owen chuckled and rolled his eyes at Carlos before he took a step back and grabbed his shoulders. “He gets that from his mother. You’ll have to get used to it.”

Carlos managed a lopsided grin and shrugged. “It’s not a complaint. It’s very much appreciated. And needed for the moment.”

Owen cleared his throat. “I’m truly sorry that you were targeted because of Gabriel and me. If either of you needs anything at any time, just call me. I want to help to make this right, even if I don’t know how.”

“Thanks, Dad,” TK said softly and Carlos nodded with a smile. Maybe this was at least one parental relationship that could heal from the emotional damage the arsonist had caused.

***

Coming home had changed for Carlos since TK had moved in with him. He had never lived for his work the way he had seen his father do for as long as he could remember. But getting off a shift, enjoying a free day, had still never been about coming home.

Carlos had taken great care in creating a safe and warm place for himself where he felt comfortable spending time, where he felt comfortable relaxing and hosting friends. Despite all that, there had never been the kind of drive to just get home after a shift like he had started to feel ever since TK had moved in.

It was something Carlos relished every single day when he knew TK was probably at home waiting for him. Especially after a day like today, when he came off working a thirteen-hour shift. His shift should have ended after eight hours, but first he had been stuck on a scene nearly an hour longer than he was scheduled, and then he had been unable to say no when he had been asked to cover half of someone else’s shift who had called out sick at the last moment.

Carlos had originally planned to meet up with his mother for lunch and then go out on a date with TK in the evening. But with the change to his shift he had canceled the lunch with his mother and already knew that his date with TK would turn into a very lazy evening on the couch and an early bedtime. With TK, there was no reason to worry about those changes in their plans.

Carlos was so tired from his shift that he had walked inside the house, taken off his shoes, and was halfway to the stairs before he noticed that TK wasn’t alone in the kitchen cooking something that had already made the whole house smell amazing. Truthfully, Carlos only noticed his mother when she was already nearly in front of him, intercepting him on his way to the bathroom upstairs.

“Mijo,” Andrea said softly, greeting him with a hug and a kiss on each of his cheeks. “You look terrible.”

Carlos blinked. “Mamá.” He stared at her for a long moment. “What are you doing here?”

“TK invited me for dinner to make up for our missed lunch,” Andrea said, smiling. “Is that okay?”

Carlos inhaled deeply and nodded. “Yeah. It’s great to see you.”

It had hurt to have to cancel on her when they had just started to form this new tradition, when it didn’t feel like a tradition yet at all no matter what they had said about it. Of course, his mother knew that sometimes he couldn’t predict changes to his schedule, but that didn’t mean Carlos wasn’t worried she would assume he didn’t want to have more contact between them after all.

When his mother just watched him with a worried frown, Carlos chuckled. “I’m tired, but working almost fourteen hours straight does that, right? I’ll take a shower and that should be enough to make me halfway decent for dinner. As long as you don’t expect any in-depth discussions with me.”

Andrea laughed softly. “No. Spending some time with you is all I want, Carlitos. I … Can we talk for a moment? Or after your shower. I don’t…” She sighed deeply.

Carlos frowned. “Is everything alright?”

Andrea smiled sadly. “Yes, of course. But I need to apologize to you. I never should’ve acted as I did when we met you and TK at the farmers market.”

Carlos blinked, feeling a little wrong-footed. Despite TK telling him that Andrea had apologized to TK for that, Carlos hadn’t expected his mother to apologize to him as well. A small part of him had held out hope for it when he had gone to her to talk about his father, but he hadn’t been surprised when she hadn’t brought it up then. Carlos had expected that it would just be forgotten between them.

“I hurt you so much,” Andrea whispered. “I’m so very sorry for that. I promise I’ll do better.”

Carlos sucked in a breath and just pulled his mother into his arms without a word. He didn’t know what to say, how to voice his gratitude. At least not without the anger about that situation spilling out of him as well, and he didn’t feel in a place to discuss any of that. Even if he hadn’t been bone-deep tired at the moment, he didn’t know if he’d ever feel in a place to discuss those details with his mother.

Eventually, he managed to hoarsely say, “Thank you. I’m just glad we are pushing past that. That you are here now to have dinner with TK and me.”

Andrea rubbed a hand over his back and Carlos basked in the silent hug for a long time.

Eventually, Carlos took a step back. “I’m really glad you are here.”

Andrea smiled and cupped his cheek with her hand. “Me, too. Go take that shower. Dinner will be ready as soon as you come down again.”

“It already smells like heaven in here,” Carlos said with a grin, and as if on cue his stomach grumbled very loudly, making his mother laugh. “I’ll hurry.”

He hurried upstairs but took some more time in the shower than was strictly necessary. The cool water managed to chase away some of the tiredness, though the general exhaustion of the day still clung to him. Carlos really hoped neither TK nor his mother expected him to be any kind of good company.

When Carlos left the bathroom, he found TK in the bedroom laying out some comfortable clothes for him. TK turned to him with a warm smile and held out the sweatpants and t-shirt. But Carlos ignored the clothes, cradled TK’s face with his hands, and kissed him.

TK chuckled against his lips. “You do remember your mother is waiting downstairs, right?”

Carlos laughed softly and leaned their foreheads together, one hand cupping TK’s neck. “Yeah. Thank you for inviting her.”

TK hummed. “I know how you feel about the situation with her. I didn’t want you to miss an opportunity to see her just because you got talked into an extra half shift. I’m glad I didn’t overstep.”

“I love you,” Carlos whispered. “I never thought I’d have this.”

There was so much more wrapped up in that one word than he would ever be able to admit out loud. He had never thought he was looking for, longing for, a partner he could share his life with the way he did with TK ever since he had invited him to move in. He’d never thought he would ever be in a place where he would try to repair the burned bridges between himself and his mother. He had never thought he would ever find a man he would be able to trust, and maybe more importantly willing to trust, with the pain he carried inside him.

TK wrapped his arms around Carlos’ waist and held him tightly. “I’m not going anywhere, baby.”

What coming home meant to him had changed so much, and Carlos wondered if maybe home had never been about the place itself but about the people living there. He felt in this moment more than ever before that he might just have finally found in TK the right person to make this house — and any other place they would live in the future — home.

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