Reading Time: 129 Minutes

Title: Never Enough
Series: Never Enough
Series Order: 1
Author: CorgiQueen14
Fandom: 9-1-1
Genre: Contemporary, Episode Related, Family, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Relationship, Romance
Relationship(s): Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Background Maddie Buckley/Chimney Han
Content Rating: R
Warnings: Bad Parenting, Implied/Referenced Child Neglect, Not Maddie Buckley Friendly, Not Buckley Parents Friendly, Not Chimney Han Friendly, Slight Unfriendly Treatment of Ana Flores, Canon typical violence, Discussion: Past Violence
Beta: DarkAngel2792, Grammarly
Alpha: Twigen
Word Count: 58,106
Summary: Evan Buckley spent his entire life feeling unwanted by his parents. When he finally had enough of their apathy and left, it took years for him to find a place where he felt wanted: the 118 Firehouse in Los Angeles. What happens when his parents come to visit? How will Buck handle his new life being torn apart by a devastating secret that changes everything he’s ever known about his family?
Artist: Kylia Toreel

---

---

Chapter 1:

On the morning of Evan Buckley’s seventh birthday, he woke with a spring in his step.

All of his other friends had gotten bikes for their birthdays, so Evan was pretty sure he would get one too.

A real bike, one that didn’t have training wheels.

That would be awesome.

He went downstairs to find Maddie in the kitchen.

“Happy birthday!” She said with a warm smile, handing him a plate of bacon and eggs.

“Thanks, Maddie!” He started to bite into a piece of bacon before raising his head.

“Where are Mom and Dad?”

Maddie’s smile faded. “They had to go out for a bit, but they said they’d be back soon.”

“Oh.” Evan deflated as he started to eat.

“But I was thinking.” Maddie paused for dramatic effect as Evan eagerly stared at her. “How about I teach you to ride a bike?”

Evan’s jaw dropped.

“Like without training wheels?”

“Exactly.” She tweaked his nose, laughing when he squeaked in surprise. “Get dressed and meet me outside.”

Evan wolfed down the rest of his breakfast, almost choking on a piece of bread.

He was going to get a bike!

Dreams really did come true.

He tore upstairs, pulling on the first clothes he saw.

He sniffed himself, figuring he smelled clean enough, and slipped on his high tops before careening down the stairs.

He skidded to a stop in the driveway, eyes wide as he saw what Maddie was wheeling out.

It was red and white, with handlebars that gleamed.

Evan loved it as soon as he saw it.

It wasn’t brand new like his friends’ bikes, but it was still a bike!

And it was all his.

He didn’t even know his parents planned to get him a bike.

He never even had a chance to tell them what he wanted for his birthday, with Mom always being busy and Dad working late.

But maybe they just knew.

“So, are you ready to give this a shot?” Maddie patted the seat, grinning at him.

“Heck yeah!” Evan grabbed his helmet and jammed it on his head.

Maddie helped him steer out of the driveway, walking with her hands on the bike to get Evan used to it.

“This is awesome,” Evan said excitedly.

“Are you ready to go a little faster?” He could practically hear the grin on Maddie’s face.

“Let’s go!” Evan started pedaling faster, and the bike started to whiz along the sidewalk.

“You got this!” Maddie called out, her voice far away.

Far away?

It was then Evan realized that Maddie had let go of the bike.

“Maddie!” He yelled as he tried to keep the bike going.

He was doing okay for a minute, but a missing piece of sidewalk sent him flying.

“Evan!”

Oh no.

That wasn’t Maddie’s voice.

It was his mother.

“Maddie, what were you thinking?” He heard his father say in annoyance.

Evan got up, his knee stinging, just in time to see his mother turn white.

“What is that doing here?” She said, her voice icy and hard.

Evan froze, not used to his mother being that angry.

Maddie, who had run up when Evan had fallen, immediately found herself under her mother’s scrutiny.

“I just thought-“ Maddie tried to explain.

“I don’t care what you thought. Get Evan inside. Your father and I will deal with this.”

Maddie looked like she wanted to argue, but she just nodded and went to Evan.

“Come on, let’s get cleaned up.”

Maddie held out her hand, Evan gingerly taking it.

She led him back down the block and into the house, pulling him into her bathroom.

Evan was silent until she poured the peroxide onto his cut.

“I’m sorry,” Maddie said sympathetically as Evan winced. “It’ll all be over soon.”

“Are they mad at me?” Evan asked, his voice small.

He didn’t like it when his parents were upset.

They seemed to always be sad when they thought he wasn’t looking.

“They’ll be fine, don’t worry,” Maddie reassured him. “They’re probably more mad at me than at you.”

That didn’t seem right.

His parents were never mad at Maddie.

She didn’t do anything wrong.

Before Evan could ask why, his parents opened the bathroom door.

“How’s he doing?” His mother asked, a concerned look on her face.

Evan had never seen her look that way about him before.

She usually just seemed put out or annoyed.

“He’ll be fine. He just needs a bandaid.”

Maddie placed one on his knee as she said that, kissing it slightly as she did so.

“Oh good.” His mom looked relieved.

“Does this mean I can go back to riding the bike?” Evan asked eagerly.

“No!” His parents both shouted in unison.

Evan shrunk back as Maddie shot them both a look.

“I just mean that that bike is no good.” His father said. “I thought I’d take you to the store to pick out a new one.”

“Really?”

Evan’s eyes lit up.

“Really?”

“Yeah, let’s go!” His father motioned to the door, Evan eagerly scrambling to his feet.

~~

All in all, it was a good birthday.

He got the bike he wanted, and his mom even surprised him by ordering his favorite pizza for dinner.

It was the best birthday he’d ever had.

That night, Evan was sneaking out of bed to get a glass of water when he heard it.

“Why did you ever think that was a good idea to keep in the house?” His mother snapped at his father.

“I just wanted it as a keepsake.” His father said.

“Well, now it’s a broken keepsake.” His mother sighed. “Evan ruined it like he does everything else.”

Evan could barely keep from gasping.

“Margaret!” His father snapped at her. “That isn’t fair, and you know it.”

There was silence for a moment, and then Evan heard the sound of barely stifled sobs.

“It’s just, it’s never enough.” His mother cried. “He’s never going to be enough.”

Evan had heard enough, crawling back to his room before he got caught.

He lay in bed, wondering about what he had just heard.

How could his mother say such things like that?

He thought she cared about him.

She seemed to care when he got hurt earlier.

Maybe that was the way to make her care.

If he kept getting hurt, she’d care about him more.

Evan rolled over, grabbing his little stuffed kitty and tucking it under his chin.

Maybe that would work.

Hopefully.

Evan never saw the red and white bike again.

When he asked his dad about it, he pretended he didn’t know what he was talking about.

He never even found out why his parents had a boy’s bike in the garage in the first place.

Eventually, Evan forgot about it almost entirely, it only showing up in the darkest corners of his dreams, like an apparition of a life he could have had.

~~

Four years later, little had changed for Evan Buckley.

Well, except for the amount of scrapes he had.

After the bike incident, Evan started taking more risks.

He loved that he was finally getting the attention that he had always wanted from his parents.

The attention that they had never given him any other way.

That wasn’t to say that this plan wasn’t without its drawbacks.

It meant he spent more time laid up while his friends enjoyed themselves outside.

Most of the time, Evan only had Maddie or his stuffed kitty to keep him company.

But to Evan, it was worth it.

Maddie seemed sad every time she saw Buck engage in reckless behavior.

Buck didn’t want her to be sad.

He missed his sister.

He barely saw her since she left for school, so he treasured every moment he got with her when their parents weren’t around.

Like the one day she whisked him away from the house to go on a little trip.

“Maddie, what are we even doing out here?” Evan whined, shifting in the seat of his sister’s jeep.

He usually loved spending time with her, but this was such a long drive.

“I just want to show you something,” Maddie said as she steered the car through the winding roads, finally pulling to a stop.

Maddie took a deep breath and looked out the window.

Evan did too, raising his eyebrow when all he saw was a house.

Admittedly a pretty nice house, but still just a house.

“As much as I love spending time with you, why did you drive me all the way out here to look at some old house?”

“Because we used to live here,” Maddie told him.

Now that got Evan’s attention.

He snapped straight, looking with interest out the window.

“Really? Why have Mom and Dad never mentioned it?”

“They don’t mention a lot from back then.”

Maddie said, voice trailing off at the end.

“Is this the part where you tell me our family has a deep dark secret?” Evan gasped. “Are we cannibals like Hannibal Lecter?”

“No- wait, where did you learn about Hannibal Lecter?” Maddie asked, knocked off her train of thought.

“From this movie that Sammy’s brother showed us when I stayed with them.” Evan shrugged.

“I thought Mom and Dad said you were too young to watch that.” Maddie narrowed her eyes at him.

“What they don’t know won’t hurt them.” Evan retorted. “So if we aren’t cannibals, what’s the secret?”

Maddie seemed slightly surprised before remembering why she dragged him out there.

“Right. It’s time that you know.” Maddie took a deep breath—

And then the phone rang.

“Who’s that?” Buck asked, annoyed.

He wanted to know the big family secret and this person was interrupting!

Maddie picked it up, smiling slightly at the message.

“It’s Doug, and he just wants to know what I’m up to.”

“Isn’t that a little creepy how he always wants to know where you are and who you’re with?” Evan asked, Maddie giving him a look when he said that.

He couldn’t help it. Something really put him off about Doug.

He was weird.

When he came to the house on summer break, he was polite to Evan’s parents and barely looked at Evan unless Maddie was around.

It was creepy.

Maddie finished her text and looked at the clock before cursing.

“Damnit, we need to get home. Mom needs our help setting up dinner for Dad’s business partners.” Maddie put the car in drive, pulling away from the curb.

“What’s the secret, though? You said you were going to tell me a big family secret?” Evan asked.

“I’ll tell you some other time. I promise,” Maddie said, holding her pinky out as the car stopped at a red light.

“Okay.” Evan linked pinkies with her, grinning.

Pinky promises were unbreakable.

He knew Maddie wouldn’t let him down.

By the time they got home, their mother was already in the driveway waiting for them.

“Maddie, go right upstairs to get dressed.”

Mom ordered before herding them into the house.

Evan was about to make a run for it when she spotted him.

“Evan? Please make yourself useful and set the table. After that, I have a few more things for you to do.” She looked at him expectantly.

Evan sighed before getting straight to work.

The sooner he was done, the sooner he could pester Maddie about the secret.

She had to tell him eventually.

However, that was not to be.

Whenever he was done with a task, his mom would give him another one.

And she would always say the same phrase.

“Make yourself useful.”

Buck had heard that phrase so often growing up it had lost all meaning to him.

Every time he was in the house, his mom told him that.

He never understood why she only said that to him and not to Maddie.

Maybe Maddie was just better at being useful than he was.

When he was finally done with all the tasks his parents gave him, he was sent upstairs after being given a dinner plate.

“Why can’t I go to the dinner?” Evan argued, his mom ushering him upstairs.

“Evan, it’s not the kind of gathering you have your kids at.” His mother told him. “Just please go upstairs.”

Evan ate his dinner at his desk and tried to ignore the sounds from downstairs.

He perked up when he heard Maddie’s distinctive laugh.

Why was Maddie down there?

His mom said it wasn’t a party she wanted her kids at.

Evan crept out of his room, looking down from the railing to see Maddie and Doug sitting together, laughing.

Maddie looked beautiful, wearing a simple blue dress and heels.

Evan spotted his parents talking to another couple and returned to his room before they saw him.

He went back to his bed, curling up over the covers.

It looked like they were okay with their kids at this party.

They just didn’t want him there.

‘Maybe I’m just too young.’ he thought hopefully. ‘Maybe when I’m older, I’ll go to parties with them.’

That thought rattled around in his brain until bed, the little flame of hope kept alive.

~~

Six years later, that flame of hope was all but dead.

If Evan thought that it was impossible to get his parent’s attention before, it was even worse now that he was older.

Things changed when Maddie stayed in Boston for nursing school; high school clarified that for Evan.

His parents completely checked out of all school-related things for Evan, not even attending parent-teacher conferences for him.

Evan had to ask his teachers if they would allow the conferences to be held over the phone, and luckily for him, they all agreed.

The only time they cared about anything school related was when he forged his parents’ signature on the football permission slip.

Even then, they didn’t care enough to make him quit the team.

They just grounded him for two weeks and moved on with their lives.

Like always.

When Evan got home from school one day at the end of September, he was aware of how quiet the house was.

It was never that quiet.

He walked into the kitchen and found his mom’s purse and coat missing from the hook near the door.

This wasn’t like her.

She was always here when he got home.

Pulling out his cell phone, he called his mom to see what was going on.

“Yes, Evan?”

“Hey, where are you?” He asked.

“Oh, your aunt Marcy had a terrible fall, and she needed someone to take care of her.” His mother said. Evan raised his eyebrows at that.

That was the first he’d heard of it.

“Why didn’t you tell me about this?” Evan asked.

“I thought I did. Does it matter? I have to help my sister, and there’s no one else.” His mother sounded vaguely annoyed, as if Evan was inconveniencing her just by asking about it.

“Doesn’t she live all the way in Chicago?” Evan asked.

“Yes, I flew out this morning and won’t return for a few weeks.”

“A few weeks?” Evan asked, shocked.

“Yes, a few weeks. I’ll put money on your debit card every week so you can do the grocery shopping, but please only stick to frozen meals and prepared foods since you can’t cook. You already know how to do the laundry, so you should be fine, right?”

“I guess,” Evan said, still taken aback by all this.

“Great. Your father will still be around when he’s not at work, so ask him about anything else. My cab’s here. Talk to you soon!” She hung up the phone without saying anything else.

Evan slumped onto a chair in the kitchen.

His mother left the state and just forgot to tell him?

How does that even happen?

Evan felt himself starting to panic but forced himself to calm down.

‘It’s fine. It’s not like you’re a child. You are seventeen years old, and you can handle this.’ He thought to himself before going to the fridge and seeing what they had in the house.

He made a list, tacking it onto the fridge door with a magnet.

Tomorrow was Saturday. He’d go to the store then.

Everything would be fine.

He could do this.

~~

Two weeks later, Evan had never felt so lonely.

His father was usually home late at night and leaving early the next morning, meaning that Evan spent most of his time at home without anyone else there.

He could have taken advantage of it to have someone over, but his dad’s work schedule was unpredictable enough to make Evan nervous about getting caught.

He was so tired of all of this.

Of being alone all the time.

It was times like this that Evan wished they had a pet.

Someone to keep him company when his parents were away.

Someone to give him affection and to love him unconditionally.

Maybe a dog, but Evan always wanted a cat.

Not that it would matter.

His parents never allowed pets in the house.

His mom thought they were dirty, and his father didn’t want to end up cleaning up after an animal he didn’t want.

It didn’t matter how often he pleaded with them and told them he would take care of it.

They never listened.

Evan was also tired of having to eat frozen or prepared foods for every meal.

He even looked up some recipes that he could try, but his mom shut him down when he asked.

“Evan, now is not the time to play Master Chef.” She had scolded him over the phone. “I’ll be home soon. Just keep doing what you’re doing until then.”

Evan ended up buying a large box of protein shakes to keep his energy up for football.

For the first time since he’d been on the team, they made it to State!

Evan was so excited.

He called his mom when he heard the news, only to be disappointed.

“Evan, your aunt still needs my help,I can’t possibly leave now just for a football game. Please stop being so selfish.” She huffed before hanging up the phone.

His father reacted similarly, asking Evan why he was bothering him at work.

Evan signed, looking down at his phone.

He honestly didn’t know what he had been expecting.

They had never come to a single one of his games.

~~

The night of the championship game, Evan played his heart out.

He left it all on the field, and his team came away from it with the first championship trophy their school had won in ten years.

After the game, the team went out for burgers, and it felt like they were more than a team.

They were a family.

It was the best night of Evan’s life.

Until he got home.

When he entered the door, he was surprised to find his mom and dad in the living room.

“Mom, when did you get back?” Evan blinked in shock as he stepped further into the house.

“About five hours ago.” His mother replied in a terse, clipped tone. “I was surprised to see you not waiting for me at the airport.”

Evan tilted his head in confusion. “You didn’t even tell me when you were getting in. How could I have known when to pick you up?”

“Of course, I told you.” His mother retorted.

“No, you didn’t. The last thing we talked about was you saying you wouldn’t be home in time for the championship game.”

“Well, at least you can be happy that I will be there for it.” His mother responded.

“I would be if the game hadn’t just happened. We won, by the way, in case you were wondering.”

Both of his parents’ eyes went wide.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” His father asked.

“I did. Not that it would have mattered since you’ve never gone to any of my games.”

“Evan, we’re just very busy. You can’t expect us to drop everything when you have a game.” His father tried to explain.

Evan laughed at that. “You weren’t too busy to attend Maddie’s field hockey games.”

“Football is such a dangerous sport, and I can’t stand it.” His mother said, as if that excused her lack of interest.

“Everything in life is dangerous. You can’t just avoid things because of that. I told you this was important, and you both let me down.”

Evan turned to go upstairs before pausing and looking back.

“In the future, please remember that you have two kids and not just one.”

He heard his mother gasp, but he just kept walking.

He didn’t care that he hurt her feelings.

Not when she spent every minute of his life making him feel like he didn’t matter.

~~

Evan was surprised to see his dad knock on his door the next day.

“We’re leaving at six. Please dress nicely.”

He left, leaving Evan to look after him in confusion.

He did what was asked of him, coming downstairs to see his parents waiting by the car.

His eyebrows raised as his dad drove them toward the nicest restaurant in town.

They almost never came here.

Only for really special occasions.

Evan was wondering what was going on until they sat down at the table.

“Any special occasions?” The waiter asked.

“My son’s football team won the state championship.” His father said.

Evan glowed with pride as his father said those words.

His parents might have missed the game, but at least they wanted to celebrate his win with him.

Maybe what he said was getting through to them.

Maybe they could change.

Later that night, Evan was reading on his laptop when he heard a whispered conversation taking place outside his door.

“We’re lucky we were able to get a last-minute reservation.” His mother said.

“I know, but we had to do it.”

Evan started to smile.

They actually cared that they missed his game and were trying to make it right.

He was happy for a brief moment before the following words wiped a smile off his face.

“Barry Thompson told me all the other parents were taking their kids out to celebrate. It would have looked horrible if we hadn’t.”

“I know.” His mother signed, their voices fading as they walked away. “At least now it’s finally over.”

Evan put his laptop to the side, collapsing onto the bed.

They hadn’t wanted to take him out at all.

They were just doing it to save face.

Why was he even surprised? They never cared.

Never would.

~~

When Maddie asked about the championship game over Thanksgiving dinner, their father jumped in to tell her all about it.

“Evan did an incredible job.” His father gushed before giving her a play-by-play.

Evan was sure he should be wondering where his dad learned about the game, but he didn’t care.

He thought maybe they’d care when basketball season started since his dad loved watching the 76ers games.

But every time Evan scored a basket, he looked out into the stands and saw nothing.

They never showed. Not to a single game.

It wasn’t like the basketball team was any good, but it still would have been nice for them to show up.

This pattern of apathy caused by his parents followed Evan through the last part of his senior year.

They only cared about the college acceptances that he got, not that there were many of those.

When prom rolled around, he rented a suit and paid for a corsage from his savings, his parents never being around long enough to ask about who he was taking.

No matter.

He and his group of friends had a fantastic time.

His date’s parents sent copies of the photos to his parents, seeming to buy Evan’s lie about them having a family situation come up.

He hoped so.

It was too embarrassing the other way.

Too shameful for them to know that his parents genuinely didn’t care enough.

When he got a spirit award from the school, one of his friend’s parents sent pictures to his parents.

Evan told her they were sick, but he wasn’t sure if she believed him.

He also wasn’t sure that he cared.

Seventeen years of being overlooked by them made his expectations for them very low.

Even the fact that they didn’t forget his birthday was good, even if that was the bare minimum.

When graduation rolled around, Evan was surprised to see his parents ready to drive to the ceremony with him.

That is until he realized it would look bad if they weren’t there.

Evan couldn’t wait to start college in the fall.

Sure, it was only a short drive away, and he’d still live at home with his parents during breaks, but it would be a new experience.

Maybe that’s where he would figure out what he was meant to do.

He knew he had to do something spectacular with his life.

He just knew he was put on this earth to do something great.

He just needed time to figure out what that was and how he could make that manifest.

Chapter 2:

Four years later, Evan was still trying to figure out who he was and what he was meant to do.

College had not been the great escape that Buck thought it was.

First, he got expelled from the only college he got into, and had to move back home.

His parents were unhappy about that, and he was enrolled in the local community college before he could blink.

He had a lot of fun, but then the ball dropped.

Expelled.

Evan knew he shouldn’t have spent so much time partying and not paying his tuition, but he was so happy to get out of the house, even for a little while.

It was hell being there without Maddie.

Now that he was in college, his parents cared even less about him.

Spending his tuition money on frat parties and buying a motorcycle?

This was a real low point for him.

This was going to be the last straw for them. He could tell.

That’s why he went to see Maddie, but she wouldn’t even let him spend the night at her house.

Evan blamed her husband.

He never liked Doug, and the feeling was mutual.

And now, it was time to face the music.

Evan walked up the steps, hissing in pain from his arm.

He hoped they wouldn’t be home and he could just slink upstairs.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t going to happen.

“Evan?” He froze as he passed the living room.

He heard his mother gasp, then pounding feet approached him.

His mother and father took in the sight of him before his father sighed.

“What did you do this time? Jump off a bridge?” Philip Buckley sighed, pinching his nose.

Evan remembered a time when showing up injured would have meant that his parents cared about him for more than a minute.

His parents would care for him, dote on him, and for once, Buck would feel like his parents loved him.

But that changed as he grew up. Now all his risky behavior got him was exasperation and admonishment.

“I crashed my bike. It’s not a big deal.” Evan started to head upstairs, hoping they wouldn’t follow him.

They did.

“And I suppose the call we got from the registrar wasn’t a big deal either?” His father followed him into his room.

Evan stilled as he grabbed a bag.

“I can explain.” Evan started to say.

“Explain what? How you once again squandered any chance you had at a successful future? It wasn’t bad enough that you wasted time in high school and got expelled from the only college that would take you, but now you can’t even finish a two-year community college program?”

“Maybe my future lies outside of the classroom.” Evan managed to say as he grabbed some clothes and stuffed them into the bag.

“If you even live that long.” His mother sounded near tears, and he turned to face her.

“Mom, I’m fine. It just looks bad.” He tried to comfort her.

“No.” She shouted, making Evan step back until his legs hit the bed,

He had never heard his mother raise her voice like that before.

“You’re reckless. You do dangerous things without giving them a second thought. You think you’re indestructible, but you’re not! People die! Children die!”

His mother started to cry as his father moved to comfort her.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Evan asked in confusion.

“It means that the world is uncertain, Evan, and you have to protect yourself, ” His father said sternly. “We can’t do it for you.”

“Like you ever have?” Evan asked, shock making space for anger. “The only person you’ve ever cared about was Maddie. You have two kids, and you’ve never realized that.”

“Oh, we’ve realized that,” Philip said, looking at Evan with fire in his eyes. “We just can’t believe what an utter disappointment you turned out to be. You always make things so hard for everyone around you, and I’m sick of it!”

Margaret tried to pull her husband back, but the damage was done.

Evan finished packing, grabbing the documents he kept in his drawer.

He grabbed his duffle and backpack and started down the stairs without turning back.

“Evan?” His mom said worriedly. “Where are you going?”

“Anywhere that’s not here. If I’m such a disappointment, I’ll make it easy for you and get out of your life.” Evan shot back.

He went downstairs, throwing open the front door and blinking in surprise to see Maddie’s jeep idling by the curb.

“Your timing is perfect,” Evan told Maddie, who pulled away from the curb before their mother could reach the car.

They drove for a few minutes before Maddie pulled over.

She took the keys out of the ignition, holding them out to Evan.

“What is this? What are you doing?” He asked.

“These are freedom,” Maddie said, dangling them in front of him. “And I’m giving you your way out of here. Away from them.”

“Wait, you… you’re giving me the Jeep?” Evan laughed in shock, taking the keys. “Are you serious? Does Doug know?”

Maddie shook her head, quickly changing the subject. “Look, I can give you a little bit of money to get started, and then you can go anywhere you want.”

He couldn’t believe she was doing this for him.

But what was he going to do?

Freedom always seemed so overwhelming when you were confronted with it.

“I mean, this is amazing, but where am I gonna go?” He asked, gingerly holding the keys in his hands.

“It doesn’t matter,” Maddie told him, grabbing and squeezing his hand.

“The point is to go as far away as you can and… be happy.”

Evan paused. “Cause that’s what you did?”

Maddie fell silent.

“Oh, come on, Maddie,” Evan told her. “You don’t have to pretend with me, all right? I know things aren’t okay with Doug.”

“It’s like I said.” Maddie bit her lip. “It’s just complicated.”

“Complicated?” Evan raised an eyebrow at her.

“You know, most marriages are,” Maddie told him, trying for humor.

Evan shook his head before coming up with an idea to get both of them what they wanted.

“Hey, what if you came with me? “ Evan suggested, turning to Maddie. “No more Mom and Dad, and no more Doug. Just you and me against the world.”

Maddie looked like she was considering it for a long second.

Evan eagerly waited.

He loved his sister.

The only thing better than him getting to leave Hershey would be to get his sister out too.

He wanted the best for her.

She deserved more than a small-town life with an insufferable husband.

She deserved the best out of life.

Maddie sighed. “Mom would love it if I left him, and it would be I-told-you-so’s until the day she died.”

“That’s not a reason to stay miserable,” Evan told her. “Don’t set yourself on fire to sprite them.”

“But where would we even go?” Madie asked.

“Doesn’t matter. The point is to go.” He raised an eyebrow at her.

“Oh, I did just say that, didn’t I?” Maddie sighed, shaking her head.

“Hey, you gotta take your own advice,” Evan told her.

Maddie had an amused smile at that, which faded the next second.

“What would I tell Doug?” She asked nervously.

“Don’t tell him anything,” Evan told her. “You just leave him a note. He’ll work the rest out when you don’t come home.”

Maddie was silent, and he was starting to lose hope that she would come around.

But then she nodded, a look of determination on her face.

“Yes.”

“Yes?” he asked, hoping against hope.

“Yes.” Maddie nodded, smiling. “Let’s get the hell out of here.”

He laughed and hugged Maddie tightly.

They made plans for him to pick her up the next day after her shift.

But when he returned the next day, all she left was a note and the title of the jeep.

Evan snorted.

Typical.

Maddie never had his back when it counted.

Pinky promises be damned.

He got into the jeep and found an envelope of cash in the sun visor.

At least Maddie kept that promise.

He put the car in drive, pulling out of the parking lot.

Within an hour, he had Hershey in his rearview mirror and the whole world ahead of him.

Maybe somewhere out there, he would find where he was meant to be—the place where he belonged.

He might even find a family that wanted him around.

That was all he ever really wanted.

~~

Eight years passed since that fateful night in Hershey, and Buck had lived a million different lives since then, emerging as a whole new person with a whole new name.

He had been a bartender, a rancher, a construction worker, and even had attempted to be a NAVY SEAL.

That hadn’t worked out, so Buck went to Peru to be a bartender again.

Bartending was one of the few things he was good at, but even doing that, he still felt like something was missing.

Ten years later, Buck was finally where he was meant to be.

He had an incredible team he worked with daily, a job he loved, and an incredible girlfriend.

The girlfriend might currently be out of the country and hard to get ahold of, but still.

Things were working out pretty well for Buck.

One day before the shift, Bobby pulled Buck into his office.

“So, as you know, your probationary year at the 118 is almost up.” Bobby started.

Buck tensed.

“Don’t worry,” Bobby read Buck’s fears in his face. “I’m not calling you in here to tell you that you’re on the way out.”

“Really?” Buck asked hopefully.

“Really.” Bobby smiled at him. “I know you had a tough start here, but you’ve come into your own in the last few months. I’m happy to report that you will be a fully-fledged member of the 118 in just under a month.”

Buck sighed in relief.

“I was just calling you in to ask you if there were any family members that you wanted to invite to your shield ceremony.” Bobby continued. “We usually try to do something nice for the ceremony.”

Buck stilled.

Family.

He didn’t even think about that.

“Can I let you know by the end of the week?” Buck finally asked.

“Sure.”

Buck smiled and left Bobby’s office, hoping his face didn’t betray his nervousness.

He got dressed for his shift, trying to ignore the shaking of his hands.

He just had to get through the shift.

He could worry about the rest later.

Tonight he had some hard calls to make.

~~

Later that night, Buck took a deep breath before making the next call.

Abby was a bust.

She sounded sorry but said she didn’t think she’d return in time. Buck wasn’t sure if he believed that, but he didn’t want to push her.

Things were rocky enough as it was.

This was his first relationship that mattered, and he didn’t want to wreck it like he did all the others.

Maddie was also a bust.

Her cell phone just rang out with no response.

He tried her home phone but hung up as soon as Doug picked up.

Fucking Doug.

Buck had always hated that guy. He couldn’t understand why Maddie was with him.

His old roommates might have shown up, but Buck had lost touch with them when he moved into Abby’s apartment.

That just left one call to make.

The hardest call of them all.

Buck steeled himself, pressing the button and holding the phone up to his ear.

The phone rang several times, Buck raising his eyebrows in surprise.

He honestly thought they would have blocked his number by now.

“Hello?” His mother’s voice rang out.

Buck took a deep breath.

“Hi, mom.”

There was nothing but silence on the line.

“Hello, Evan.” Her voice seemed to chill as she said his name. “Did you need something?”

“No, I just wanted to invite you and Dad out to Los Angeles next month,” Buck said, forcing the words out. “I’m finishing my probationary year, and they’re having a ceremony for me.”

“Probationary year for what?” His mother asked. “I don’t recall you attending medical school or even having the scientific aptitude in high school.”

Buck gritted his teeth but strove to keep his tone pleasant.

“No, I’m a firefighter,” Buck told her. “I’m nearly done with my probationary year, and then I’ll be a fully-fledged member of the Los Angeles Fire Department.”

Once again, silence. And then his mother scoffed.

“A firefighter, Evan? Honestly?” His mother asked with an exasperated note to her voice.

“Yeah? What’s wrong with being a firefighter?” Buck asked her.

“Don’t you remember the firefighters in town? They were always so odd.” His mother reminded him. “And that old firehouse was such an eyesore. I’m surprised it hasn’t been condemned.”

“But I’m not a firefighter in Hershey.” Buck reminded her. “I’m a member of the LAFD, which is the best fire department in the country.

“Even so, it’s not what we hoped for you,” Margaret said, Buck hearing the disappointment in her voice.

“So I take it you won’t be coming?” Buck asked her, hoping he was wrong.

Hoping that his parents wouldn’t let him down again.

“I think not.” Margaret paused. “Do let us know where you next end up, though.”

Buck tried to tell her he wasn’t going anywhere, but his mother had already hung up.

Buck sighed.

He honestly didn’t know why he expected anything different.

Ever since he moved out, they couldn’t care less.

There was no longer a risk of them losing face, so they didn’t have to go through the motions of caring about what he did.

~~

The next day, Buck went to Bobby with a heavy heart.

“Hey, I won’t have anyone attending the shield ceremony.” Buck shuffled his feet as he fought the urge to look down. “So we don’t have to make a big deal out of it.”

Bobby gave him a considering look and then clapped him on the shoulder.

“Not to worry, Buck.” He said, moving to the stove. “I’m sure we’ll make it special.”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to,” Buck told him.

“I want to,” Bobby said, picking up some vegetables and placing them on the cutting board. “Now, how about you help me in the kitchen?” Bobby asked Buck. “I’ll teach you that meatloaf recipe you’ve been asking about.”

“I got it. I need to make myself useful in the kitchen.” Buck went to wash his hands, Bobby stopping him before he could.

“That’s not what I meant,” Bobby told him, staring intently at Buck. “I just meant that I thought you’d like to help me cook, and it’s not ‘making yourself useful.’ I actually want to teach you, and I know you love my meatloaf.”

Buck did, in reality, love his meatloaf.

And Bobby did seem to be telling the truth.

“Sounds good, Cap.” Buck moved next to Bobby, grabbing a mixing bowl.

He didn’t see the considering look that Bobby gave him.

~~

Despite Buck telling them not to, the 118 threw him a party for his shield ceremony.

Standing with all of them, Buck had never felt more wanted.

When Chimney slung an arm around Buck, calling him his “brother,” Buck felt a part of him that had been empty for so long finally be filled.

~~

Things changed for Buck when Eddie Diaz joined the 118.

At first, Buck was worried about losing his spot at the 118, but then he and Eddie became friends.

And with Eddie came Chris, who was the light of Buck’s life.

Maddie also came back during the same time, which Buck was happy about. Their relationship was repairing itself bit by bit.

Being around the Diaz family made him realize that he deserved better.

So he left Abby’s apartment and started to search for a place to call his own.

It was right after he signed his lease that the truck exploded, blowing Buck’s whole world to smithereens.

Buck was still in the hospital when Maddie dropped another bomb on him, so to speak.

She walked up to his bed, holding her phone to her chest. Her eyes were filled with tears, and the edges of her lips seemed permanently pulled down.

“I called Mom and Dad,” she started, looking near tears.

“Let me guess: they aren’t coming.” Buck didn’t bother to look at her.

He wasn’t surprised.

They never bothered with him in the hospital.

They would just send Maddie with flowers for him, never actually stepping inside the building themselves.

“I’m so sorry,” Maddie said, tears trailing down her face. “I thought this time would be different.”

“I’m fine,” Buck said, the door opening before he could say anything else.

“Buck!” Chris moved towards the bed, a sheaf of papers clutched in his hand. “We came to cheer you up!”

Eddie followed Chris into the room, holding a bag of Buck’s favorite takeout.

“Are you up for visitors?” Eddie asked, his brown eyes soft with concern.

Buck smiled at him. “I’m always down to see my favorite Diaz.”

Eddie clutched a hand to his chest and pretended to be offended, and Maddie gathered her things.

“I’m sorry, Evan,” Maddie said as she prepared to leave.

“Don’t be.” Buck smiled at her for real. “I’m good.”

And in that moment, he felt like that was true.

Even if his parents didn’t show up, he had people here to care about him.

And that was enough.

~~

Things took a rocky turn after the lawsuit, but Buck was soon back in the fold of the Diaz family like he had never left.

And with every moment with Eddie, Buck felt something awaken inside him.

It all came to a head one night in Buck’s kitchen.

“You wanna go for the title?” Buck asked.

Eddie smirked and leaned closer to Buck.

Buck’s breath hitched in his throat.

“You’re on, Buckley,” Eddie said before heading to the couch to play a round of Street Fighter.

Buck followed him, taking a moment to catch his breath.

Eddie was his best friend.

So why did that affect him so much?

Buck couldn’t let anything happen there.

This was his family.

He wouldn’t risk losing him by wrecking this like he always did.

Buck forced those feelings down and went to sit on the couch.

“Get ready to get creamed, Diaz.” Buck snarked at Eddie.

“Bring it on, Buckley.” Eddie elbowed Buck, smiling at him.

Buck felt a rush when Eddie smiled but tamped it down.

He was not doing this.

He was not risking losing everything he ever wanted.

Maybe if he just ignored his stupid feelings, they would go away.

~~

But they didn’t go away.

When COVID hit, and the world came to a standstill, Eddie was sleeping in Buck’s bed while Hen and Chimney were downstairs.

Buck got used to Eddie curling around him while they slept, waking to find their foreheads pressed together.

It let Buck imagine everything he could never have.

Which just made it so much worse when Eddie went back home, and the rest of the team followed.

Buck had never felt so lonely.

Albert moved in, and that helped, but Buck still missed Eddie.

He wished he could have gathered enough courage to ask Eddie if he could come with him.

If they could be their own little bubble.

But the same thought always stopped him whenever he thought he would ask.

He wasn’t their family.

It wasn’t his place to be part of his bubble.

He didn’t belong at their place all the time, and they needed space from him.

So Buck instead just went over as often as he could, his restless spirit calming every time he stepped through the doors of the Daiz house.

Being there was everything Buck wanted and knew he could never have.

Chapter 3:

Buck was exhausted on the way back from Texas to help with the wildfires.

That had been a rough few days, and he would be happy to be home.

But he had one thing that was weighing on his mind.

“So, how mad do you think Bobby will be that I stole another firetruck?” Buck asked, shattering the stillness in the engine up to that point.

“Buck, you did it for a good reason. I think he’ll be fine,” Eddie told him.

“Not to mention you didn’t steal it to have sex in it, so that’s going for you as well,” Hen said, not taking her eyes off the road.

“Wait, that actually happened?” Eddie asked incredulously. “I always thought that was a rumor.”

“No, it was real,” Hen told Eddie, laughing slightly. “But Buck’s grown up a lot since then.”

Buck flushed at the memory of getting fired after that escapade and checked his phone, wanting to escape the conversation he had started.

His phone pinged with a notification from Instagram, and he brightened as he read it.

“Hey, Firefox followed me on Instagram!” Buck waved his phone slightly as he bounced in his seat.

“Oh, that’s nice,” Hen said absentmindedly as she navigated the road.

“It’s more than nice. It’s very cool,” Buck told her. “She’s a total badass.”

“You sound like you have a crush.” Hen laughed as she stopped at a red light.

“It’s not like that,” Buck told her. “She’s just really cool, and I think she’s awesome.”

“Well, in that case, I’m happy for you,” Hen told him.

“Thank you!”

Buck narrowed his eyes and turned to Eddie, noticing that the other man had been very quiet.

“Did you have something to do with this?”

Eddie shrugged, busy tapping out a message on his phone.

“Possibly.”

“Well, if you did, thank you.” Buck finally said.

He would have liked it if Firefox had followed him just because she wanted to, but it was sweet of Eddie to help him out.

“You’re welcome, Buck,” Eddie said, looking up from his phone and smiling slightly at Buck, his eyes soft and inviting.

Buck tried to ignore the heat that he felt when Eddie looked at him that way and instead went to check his text messages.

He saw a strange one from Maddie asking if he could come and talk to her after his next shift.

Buck frowned, already typing out a response.

Buck: Sure, why?

He didn’t even have to wait a minute before he got another text from her.

Maddie: I just need to talk to you about something.

Well, that wasn’t ominous.

Buck totally wasn’t going to fixate on that for the next two days.

Nope.

Not at all.

Buck’s phone pinged again, and he looked to see that he got a text from Eddie.

He looked up at the other man, furrowing his brow in confusion as he looked at the text.

Eddie: Want to crash at my place so you can see Chris tomorrow before our shift?

Buck smiled slightly and typed out his response.

Buck: You realize that you could have asked me that instead of texting it, right?

Buck hit send, looking up to see Eddie smirk as he read the text.

Before long, his phone pinged again and he had a response.

Eddie: Is that a no?

Buck looked up to see Eddie watching him, an amused grin on his face.

Buck: Of course not. I’ll follow you in my jeep and swing by the loft for some clothes.

Eddie smiled at that, and Buck tried to ignore how happy that made him.

It didn’t mean anything.

Eddie was just being nice.

Buck needed to remember that this was never going to go anywhere.

Buck sighed, slumping back into his seat.

It was getting harder and harder to remember that, though.

Buck felt like he’d had a tenuous grip on his feelings ever since the well.

Ever since he almost lost Eddie.

But Eddie was never really his to lose in the first place.

And he never would be.

Buck thought about that as the engine pulled into the station.

“Are you ready to head home?” Eddie asked, slinging his bag over his shoulder as he made for the parking lot.

Buck forced a smile on his face.

“Be right there.”

When he was safely in his truck, Buck gripped the steering wheel as he took a deep breath.

He should go home.

He knew he should just go back to the loft.

But at the same time, he wanted to see Chris so badly.

Even if it wasn’t his place to be so at home with Eddie and Chris, Buck could freely admit that they had stolen pieces of his heart years ago.

And Buck would never ask for them back, even if what was left of his heart felt ready to break when he thought of Eddie meeting someone else.

Buck saw Eddie’s headlights flare to life, and he saw the other man wave at Buck as he passed his parking spot.

It would be so easy to follow him home.

To pretend that he belonged.

And right now, Buck wanted easy more than anything in the world.

Buck put the car into gear, following Eddie out of the parking lot.

Just for one more night.

He could pretend he had a place in Eddie’s home for one more night.

~~

On the first shift back after their trip to Texas, things got off to an interesting start.

They were called out to a cul de sac where someone had been murdered during a block party.

“Gunshot wound to the chest,” Athena told them when they showed up, the body floating in the pool. “She was already dead when we got here. Don’t think you’re going to be needing those med kits.”

“Yeah, Crime Scene Unit’s on the way.” Detective Romero added. “We just need to get a medical confirmation that she’s dead.”

“On it,” Chimney said, pausing when he had to move past Buck. “Excuse me.”

Buck frowned in confusion as Chimney sidled past him, almost as if he was afraid to look at Buck. “Uh, did you just say ‘excuse me?’”

Chimney didn’t respond, and Buck moved over to Eddie.

“Chimney’s being weird,” he said quietly.

“How can you tell?” Eddie asked.

Buck frowned at him.

“I just know, okay? Something is going on.”

“Okay, well, we can figure it out later,” Eddie told him. “I’ll help.”

Buck nodded in thanks before his eyes found a footprint on the gate.

“Ooh, ooh, hey, whoever killed her kicked that gate in good. Saw a clean footprint on it.” He pointed it out, and Athena looked unimpressed.

“Well, that foot would be mine.” She told him, gesturing at the gate. “The gate was latched shut from the inside, and the front door was locked too.”

“If everything was locked when you got here, how’d the murderer get in or out?” Eddie asked, Buck perking up at the problem in front of them.

Chimney being weird could wait. Now they had an actual mystery on their hands.

“It’s a locked-room mystery.” Buck grinned.

“A locked-yard mystery.” Eddie corrected, Buck’s eyebrows shooting up in interest.

“What do you think?” he asked Eddie. “Home invasion gone bad?”

“I’m gonna go with murder for hire,” Eddie told him.

“Ooh, nice.” Buck complimented him.

“I try.” Buck could practically see him smirking under the mask.

“Was she married?” Buck asked. “Because… you know. The husband is usually the culprit.”

“Are we making a true crime podcast?” Athena asked him, rolling her eyes.

Buck rolled his eyes back at her, Edide laughing in response.

When looking around, Buck and Eddie found a pile of mail on the table.

“Hey, you know, none of this mail’s addressed to Delia Narwood…” Eddie used a gloved hand to move a few pieces aside. “it’s not even the right house number.”

“So she was stealing people’s mail.” Buck mused, looking at the pile.

“Maybe she saw something she wasn’t supposed to…” Buck stared at Athena pointedly. “And it got her killed.”

“Okay, Cagney and Lacey.” Athena drawled, Bobby and Romero chuckling in the background. “I think your work here is done.”

“All right. Let’s saddle up.” Bobby told the crew, who got back into the engine to head back to the station.

Buck was still wondering about Chimney’s behavior.

Something wasn’t right.

When asked, Albert said he had no clue what was going on and Buck didn’t think Albert was lying.

So whatever was going on, they were both in the dark.

Buck wasn’t going to let this go.

He was going to figure out what was going on with Chimney.

~~

It was the next day when Chimney’s weird behavior finally made sense.

Buck slumped back into the couch in shock.

He couldn’t believe what he had just heard.

He needed to hear it again, just to make sure.

“You invited Mom and Dad to visit?” he asked, disbelief coloring his voice.

“Yes.” Maddie nodded with a nervous edge to her usually calm smile.

“And you’re just telling me now.” Buck clarified.

“Well, you know, you were in Texas.” Madden tried to say.

“We still had cell service in Texas.” He countered.

“I wasn’t completely sure they were coming.” She tried to say.

“You’re just telling me now that they have crossed the California state line, and it’s too late for me to talk you out of it.” He shot back, feeling guilty as soon as he said it.

“That was harsh. I’m sorry.” He moved closer to her. “I’m still not sure who talked you into it.”

“No one.” Maddie sighed. “I guess I just… want my little girl to have a normal family. You know, uncles and grandparents that she might actually know.”

“Well, then maybe you should’ve gotten knocked up by a guy with one of those.” Buck retorted, still annoyed by them coming.

“That is not funny.” Madie frowned at him before shrugging. “Maybe… maybe this’ll be a good thing, you know?”

“How on earth is this going to be a good thing for me?”

“You could talk to Mom and Dad, and tell them how you’ve been feeling.” She suggested.

“It could be good for your therapy, right?”

“Or cause me to need more of it.” Buck rolled his eyes at her.

Maddie was unfazed and moved on.

“I think I’m willing to try.” She told him. “And… maybe Mom and Dad are too.”

Buck sighed.

Maddie always knew how to guilt him into things.

“Fine. But we’re a team, okay? A-a united front.” Buck pointed a finger at her. “You are not allowed to leave me alone with them.”

“I won’t. I promise,” Maddie said, an earnest expression on her face. “And don’t worry. Chimney’s going to be there too. And Albert.”

“Albert’s coming?” Buck asked before realizing something. “You told Albert about this before me?”

“Yeah, he’s not happy about it, but he’s coming,” Maddie told him.

“That makes two of us,” Buck grumbled.

Maddie gave him a look before getting up to leave.

“I’ll let you know the plan when they get here.” She told him on the way to the door.

She paused before opening it, looking back at Buck.

“Don’t worry. Everything is going to be fine.”

~~

“Everything is not going to be fine,” Buck complained to Eddie the next day at work.

They had some downtime at the station, and Eddie was keeping Buck company in the bunk room while he waited for his emergency therapy session to start.

He was just glad Doctor Copeland could squeeze him in, because he was spiraling.

“Maybe it won’t be as bad as you think.” Eddie tried to calm him down.

“It’ll be even worse than I think.” Buck paced around the room, clutching his hands in his hair.

“My parents have never been okay with me, and now they’re going to be in my city with Maddie. I’ll be lucky if they don’t tear apart my life entirely by the time they leave.”

Eddie moved in front of Buck, grabbing his wrists.

“Buck.” Eddie held firm as Buck finally stopped.

“Do you remember what you said when I was worried about seeing my parents last week?”

Buck sighed.

“I said, ‘Don’t worry about them. If they start anything, I’ll have your back.’” Buck answered.

“Exactly.” Eddie smiled softly at Buck. “So it doesn’t matter what they try to do to you. I won’t let them destroy your life. I’ll have your back, no matter what, okay?”

Buck nodded in response, the movement making him realize how close they were to each other.

“Okay.” Buck breathed.

The two drew closer together, but then Buck’s phone rang.

Buck jerked away, Eddie letting him go.

Buck reached into his pocket, seeing Doctor Copeland’s name flash across the screen.

“Guess that’s my cue.” Eddie moved to the door.

He paused before opening it, turning to look back at Buck.

“I’ll make sure no one bothers you.”

“Thanks, Eddie.” Buck said before Eddie closed the door.

Eddie nodded once, a smile playing at the edges of his lips before he shut the door.

Buck was so lucky to have Eddie watching his back

He slumped onto the bunk, answering the call.

This was going to be a long week.

~~

Buck was tasked with bringing alcohol, so he showed up at Maddie’s with a full box.

“Oh, thank you so much.” She said, hugging him as he set down the box.

“No problem, we’re going to need it,” Buck said, only slightly joking.

“We won’t need to get drunk to deal with them,” Maddie told him.

“Well, you won’t since you’re pregnant. The rest of us might want to consider it.” Buck said.

Chimney went pale, the color draining from his face.

“He’s joking,” Maddie told Chimney and Albert.

Buck shook his head at them behind Maddie’s back before unloading the box.

“I got wine.” He announced, pulling everything out. “Red, white, sparkling, in case you wanna do any celebratory toasts and tequila. Not sure why we needed two bottles.”

“Those are for me.” Chimney snatched the tequila from Buck, squirreling it to the other side of the kitchen.

Buck snorted at that, rolling his eyes at Chimney.

“You’re wearing jeans,” Albert said with an accusatory note in his tone.

“Yeah, why?” Buck looked down at his jeans in confusion.

They weren’t ripped or dirty, so what was the problem?

“Well, I was told I was not allowed to wear jeans.” Albert shot Chimney a dirty look.

“You, stop whining,” Chimney said, rubbing his temples. “I just need this dinner to go well and for them to like me.”

“Preheat the oven. 350.” Buck asked, Albert hurrying to do so.

“Whoa! We’re baking stuff?” Maddie asked, eyes wide.

“Baked brie.” Buck held it up. “Fig jam.”

“When did you start liking figs?”

“Probably around the same time Bobby started cooking for me and raising my culinary standards higher than Kraft Mac and Cheese,” Buck told her.

Chimney laughed at that.

“My days of instant noodles became a thing of the past when Bobby started working at the 118.” Chimney agreed, high-fiving Buck.

Before Maddie could respond, there was a knock on the door.

“And I think we’re ready,” Maddie said as she and Chimney moved to the door.

Buck took a deep breath, sharing a tight smile with Albert.

Buck felt bad for the poor guy.

He had no idea what was about to happen.

He took a deep breath as Maddie opened the door.

“Dad!” Maddie exclaimed, giving him a large hug.

“Maddie.” Philip Buckley smiled at her, gripping her tightly.

Margaret followed through the door, arms laden with packages that she deposited on the hall table.

“Mom!” Maddie admonished, hugging her. “You guys did not have to bring presents.”

“We’re grandparents now.” Margaret insisted, kissing her on the cheek. “Spoiling comes with the job.”

Chimney straightened his shirt, going in for the introduction.

“Mr. and Mrs. Buckley, hi, I’m Howard Han.” Chimney extended his hand to Philip, then to Margaret. “It’s nice to finally meet you both.”

“Hi, Howard.” Philip greeted him.

“Please, let me get these for you.” Chimney took the presents and moved them into the other room.

“Thank you,” Margaret said primly.

Buck took a deep breath, figuring this was as good a time as any.

“Hey.” He said, hating how he felt like a kid again, standing in front of his parents, desperate for their approval.

“Evan,” Margaret said, a note of hesitation in her voice.

“You look good,” Philip said.

“Ah, so do you. Both of you.” Buck said awkwardly.

They stood there in awkward silence until Chumney jumped in.

“Uh, this is my brother, Albert.” Chimney pushed Albert forward.

“I’m also Buck’s roommate.” Albert held his hand out to both of them. “It’s a pleasure to meet you both.”

“Buck.” Margaret twisted her lips. “You’re still letting people call you that.”

Buck felt shame for a second until he pushed it down.

He had nothing to be ashamed of.

“It’s just a nickname, Mom.” He tried to keep his voice even.

Margaret made a noise of disgust, Philip nodding along with her.

“Oh, you guys don’t like nicknames?” Albert asked.

“We most certainly do not,” Philip told him,

“But Maddie…” Albert trailed off in confusion.

“Is the name on my birth certificate,” Maddie said, smiling in a way that didn’t reach her eyes.

“Would anyone like a drink?” Chimney jumped in. “We have many options.”

“I believe I’ll start with tequila,” Albert said in a hushed voice, Buck trying not to laugh.

“So Howard, do… people call you Howard?” Philip asked with a tightness to his voice.

Buck and Albert shot each other a look, trying to keep a straight face.

“Yes,” Chimney said, giving them a look as if daring them to contradict him. “Yes, they do.”

Albert decided to defuse the tension a little bit.

“Please, this way,” Albert said, showing them to the dining room. “Mrs. Buckley.”

Maddie pulled Buck aside before they joined the others.

“We got this.” She said, holding up her pinky.

“United front.” Buck reminded her before they locked pinkies.

Maddie smiled and went into the dining room ahead of him.

Buck took a second to compose himself, taking a deep breath.

This was going to be a long night.

~~

“I’m glad you guys had a nice drive,” Maddie said when they were all seated on the couch.

“We saw a lot of the country,” Philip told her.

“The first few days, there was nothing but rain, then we got here, blue skies and sunshine,” Margaret added.

“Yeah, we had a lot of rain earlier in the year, but lately, it’s been dry.” Buck tried to contribute to the conversation.

“Hmm.” His mother made a noncommittal noise and didn’t respond.

Buck shot Maddie a look, and Chimney jumped in.

“I-I can’t believe you drove across the country in an RV… that sounds exciting.”

Buck fought the urge to roll his eyes at the sucking up.

“Statistically speaking, it seemed the safest way to travel right now,” Philip answered as he took a drink.

“Yeah. We didn’t wanna take any chances, given Maddie’s condition and it being a high-risk pregnancy.” Margaret stated, Maddie and Chimney giving her an alarmed look.

“Well, no, it’s not really high-risk…” Chimney tried to say before Margaret cut him off.

“Oh, she’s over 35.” Margaret cut in, waving him off. “That puts her at a higher risk, so we all need to be extra careful.” Buck gave Maddie a worried look, and she shook her head.

“The baby’s fine, Mom,” Maddie said, an edge to her voice.

“But you don’t wanna take any chances.” Margaret chastised lightly. ”Not when you’ve waited this long.”

Albert shot a wide-eyed look at Buck, mouthing, “Wow.”

Buck tried not to snicker.

He felt bad for Albert. He was getting the Buckley parents at their absolute finest.

It was truly something no one could ever forget.

“Uh, she was just waiting for the right time.” Buck tried to save the conversation. “Not to mention the right guy.”

Buck nodded at Chimney, who flashed him a thankful smile

“God knows it wasn’t Doug.” Philip snorted into his glass.

“Okay. Let’s not talk about him.” Maddie asked, a strained smile across her face.

“Of course, I’m sorry.” Philip tried to backtrack. “I’m just… I’m so happy to see you happy.”

Maddie smiled at that.

Buck foolishly thought that they might be able to get through the whole dinner without them saying something negative about him.

“Now, Evan,” Margaret turned to him, pursing her lips. “Maddie tells us that you’ve been seeing a therapist?”

And there went that hope.

Buck shot a glance at Maddie, who was staring at her plate.

“She did?” Buck asked lightly, an undercurrent of steel to his voice.

“I’m gonna get some water.” Maddie hurriedly left the table. Their parents now focused solely on Buck.

“Anything we should be worried about there?” Philip asked, laughing slightly.

“No,” Buck said quickly, trying to backtrack when he realized how desperate that sounded.

“Ha ha, no. Of course not.” He tried to laugh it off. “It’s… that’s the job, you know? It can be stressful.”

“It’s… it’s good to try and get ahead of it.” Chimney backed Buck up. Buck flashed him a grateful smile.

Margaret hummed in agreement while Maddie came back to the table.

She shot Buck an apologetic glance, but he didn’t look at her.

He couldn’t believe that she had told his parents about his therapy.

Who does that?

Therapy was supposed to be private.

It should have been Buck’s call whether or not to tell his parents.

“You know, your father and I went to see a therapist.” Margaret finally said, her tone airy and light.

Buck couldn’t believe what he had just heard. His parents, the most emotionally repressed people he knew, had gone to therapy.

This had to be a joke.

“Uh, really? When?” he finally asked, overcoming his shock.

“Well, after all that business with Maddie and the husband, who shall not be named, we felt like there were some things we needed to work through,” Philip said, Buck bristling at his dismissive tone.

Did he really refer to Maddie and Chimney nearly dying as “all that business?”

“So you…” Maddie tried to collect herself. “You went and talked to a therapist about my problems?”

“It wasn’t as if you wanted to talk to us about them,” Philip said. “Buck had to call to tell us that Doug was dead.”

“Well, I didn’t want you to find out on Dateline.” Buck raised a mocking glass at his father.

He promised Maddie to be on his best behavior, but some things required a sarcastic response.

Especially with all the crap his dad had just said.

“Always with a flippant response.” His father shook his head.

Before Buck could respond, Chimney jumped in.

“You know what, I’m gonna start bringing this stuff into the kitchen.” Chimney grabbed some plates. “Would anybody like a refill while I’m in there?”

“I’ll help.” Albert jumped at the opportunity to escape the awkwardness.

“Yeah, me too.” Buck stood, helping collect glasses.

The three of them met back in the kitchen.

“Well, this is going great,” Buck said, taking a shot of tequila.

“Look, let’s just try and get through this,” Chimney said, giving Buck an annoyed look. “And stop trying to antagonize your parents.”

“They bring up my therapy, and I’m the one who’s antagonizing them?” Buck asked in disbelief.

“They are being unfair to Buck,” Albert backed him up.

“Thank you!” Buck felt vindicated by Albert having his back.

Chimney sighed.

“Look, just stay on your best behavior,” Chimney told him before leaving the kitchen.

Buck and Albert shared a disbelieving glance before each knocking back a shot.

“Once more unto the breach,” Albert said under his breath as they moved towards the dining room.

“You said it.” Buck put a fake smile on his face as they returned to the table.

Chapter 4:

Later that night, Buck and Albert drove back to the apartment in silence.

Buck wasn’t up for talking, and he was pretty sure Albert was too shell-shocked to say anything.

His parents tended to have that effect on people.

There was a reason that his friends never came over when he was a kid.

Albert finally broke the silence as they reached the apartment.

“You okay?”

Buck shook his head, smiling slightly.

“I’m as okay as I can be around them.” Buck finally said.

Albert paused.

“When I came to town last year, and you talked to me about my dad…”Albert trailed off for a moment. “You really understood what I was talking about, didn’t you?”

Buck nodded slightly.

“Because you went through the same thing with your parents?”

“Yep.” Buck clasped his hands together, sighing.

“And Maddie, does she get what you went through with them?” Albert asked.

Buck shrugged. “About as much as Chimney understood what was happening with your dad.”

Albert nodded at that.

“Perks of being the younger sibling, I guess,” Buck said dryly. “The older siblings always know what’s best without knowing what we went through.”

Albert was silent for a minute and then turned to Buck.

“Want a drink?”

“God, yes.” Buck sighed in relief.

~~

A good night’s sleep made the events of that night all the more horrifying, and Buck called Eddie as soon as he could.

“Hey, how was your night?”

“It was awful,” Buck told Eddie the next day, Eddie on speakerphone while Buck folded laundry.

“It couldn’t have been that bad.” Eddie chuckled over the phone.

“It was,” Albert called up from the couch where he was reading a magazine.

Eddie laughed at that, Buck joining in.

It was one thing for him to say it went badly, but for Albert to chime in meant it was really bad.

“They really were that awful, huh?” Eddie asked, his tone sympathetic.

Buck took his phone off speaker and put it to his ear.

“Worse than you could have imagined,” Buck said with emphasis as he put his towels in the bathroom. “I mean, we hadn’t been there more than twenty minutes before they started asking me about my therapy and why I even felt the need to go to therapy. I was surprised they didn’t ask for my therapist’s credentials right there.”

“How do they even know about your therapy?” Eddie sounded confused.

“Maddie told them.” Buck huffed. “I have no idea why she thought that was okay to do. I took three months to tell her about it, and she turned around to tell my parents. If I wanted them to know, I would have told them.”

“I agree, it’s not a great thing to do,” Eddie told him. “Has she given any explanation why?”

“Just that she was worried about me.” Buck rolled his eyes. “I’m a grown man, and I can take care of myself and make my own decisions.”

“It sounds like you need a distraction.”

“That’s for sure.” Buck groaned.

Just then, a knock sounded at his front door.

Buck looked at it with confusion, walking down the steps.

He hoped it wasn’t his parents.

He wouldn’t put it past them to get ahold of his address.

Albert reached the door before Buck, opening it to find Christopher and Eddie there.

Eddie smirked at Buck, his phone still pressed to his ear.

Buck hung up, puzzled as he looked at them.

“What’s going on?”

“Dad said you needed a distraction, so we’re going to the zoo!” Chris said, smiling up at Buck.

“That’s really sweet, guys, but I–” Buck was about to say he didn’t want to impose before Albert stopped him.

“Should go,” Albert said, holding up his phone. “Chimney just texted saying he and Maddie were on their way to pick you up for brunch with your parents.”

Buck paled.

“Your parents are in town?” Chris asked. “Do they want to come to the zoo?”

Buck froze for a second before rushing out the perfect answer.

“I don’t think the zoo is their thing, but don’t worry. I’ll see them later and tell them all about it.”

Chris seemed satisfied with that, and Eddie shot Buck a teasing look over his son’s head.

Buck quickly grabbed his jacket and wallet, leaving the apartment with Eddie and Chris.

“Thanks, Albert!” Buck called after him as he rushed out of the door.

“Any time!” Buck heard Albert say back as the door shut behind him.

They made their way to the parking lot, Eddie driving out as soon as they got in the car.

As Buck looked back at his building, he saw Maddie and Chimney’s car pull into his building’s parking lot.

“Whew. We made it.” Buck slunk down into his seat.

“You act like we just evaded an enemy patrol in hostile territory.” Eddie laughed at him.

“We basically just did.” Buck pointed out. “If we had still been there when Maddie and Chimney got there, they likely would have talked you guys into coming to lunch too.”

“That could have been fun.” Eddie smiled slightly. “I can think of a few things I’d like to say to your parents.”

“Whoa, no treating me like a damsel in distress.” Buck straightened up, pointing a finger at Eddie. “I can protect myself.”

“And look damn good doing it,” Eddie responded.

“Exactly.” Buck agreed before blinking in confusion. “Wait, what?”

“Dad said a bad word.” Chris piped up from the backseat.

“Yes, he did.” Buck chose to focus on Chris instead of whatever Eddie had just meant. “He should buy us ice cream as an apology.”

“Yeah!” Chris agreed. “He needs to buy us ice cream!”

Eddie looked at both of them before sighing, turning his attention back to the road in time for the light to change.

“Fine, but you’re dealing with the sugar crash later,” Eddie told Buck.

“Worth it!” Buck reached back to high-five Chris, who cheered at the victory.

Buck’s phone started to buzz, and he checked the screen to see Maddie calling him.

“Do you need to take that?” Eddie asked, sparing Buck a glance.

“Nope.” Buck declined the call, slipping the phone back into his pocket.

~~

Later on, Maddie called again.

Having just finished dinner with Eddie and Chris, Buck answered the call.

“Hey, what’s up?”

There was silence at the end of the line.

“Why didn’t you show up for brunch today?” Maddie asked.

“Probably because I already made plans with Eddie and Chris,” Buck told her, not mentioning that she tried to ambush him with brunch plans on his day off.

“You could have told me.”

“And you could have told me that you told Mom and Dad about my therapy.” Buck snapped, instantly regretting it.

“So, was this revenge?” Her voice sounded small.

“No, of course not.” Buck slumped onto Eddie’s couch. “I just needed a break after everything that happened last night.”

“I know.” Maddie sounded near tears. “I’m so sorry they were hard on you.”

“Why did you even tell them about my therapy, Maddie?” Buck sighed. “How did it even come up?”

“When you told me about you being in therapy, I panicked. I called them, thinking it would be good to talk everything else out–”

“Wait, my therapy was why you called them in the first place?” Buck interrupted.

“I was worried.” Maddie tried to backtrack.

“Maddie, I told you I was fine.” Buck groaned. “Why don’t you trust me?”

“I do!” She insisted. “I just thought it would be good for all of us to talk it out before the baby comes.”

“I guess I can understand that.” Buck sighed. “Just please don’t talk about me with them anymore. Promise?”

Maddie hesitated for a long moment.

“I promise.” She finally said.

“Okay. I’ll see you at dinner tomorrow, okay?”

“See you then.”

Buck hung up and collapsed back onto the couch.

It was going to be a long week.

~~

The second dinner was going marginally better than the first until Chimney talked about the call they had earlier that day.

Buck couldn’t stop thinking about how the bomber had looked at him, wondering what Chimney had said when he was alone with him.

Chimney tried to brush it off, which just made Buck all the more confident that he was keeping something from him.

Eddie had told him about Chimney going down the fire pole to avoid talking about Buck’s parents visiting, and that was just putting him more on edge.

Something was going on, and Chimney was at the center of it all.

The only thing that didn’t make sense was how nobody knew what was happening with Chimney, not even Hen.

Chimney was so bad at keeping secrets that the rest of the firehouse had collectively decided against surprise parties since Chimney always spoiled them.

So whatever was going on, it was big.

“You all seem to have very dangerous jobs.” Buck’s father said, Buck’s attention snapping back into the conversation at that moment.

Buck tensed, readying for a lecture on how reckless he was.

It’s not like he hadn’t heard it a million times before.

“Not really. Most of the time, it’s pretty run of the mill.” Buck tried to keep his voice even, spearing some food onto his fork and lifting it to his mouth.

“Yeah.” Chimney backed Buck up, Buck smiling thankfully at him. “And Stan wasn’t a bad guy. He just… needed someone to see him, and to understand how much pain he was in. He probably wasn’t going to blow the place up.”

“Still seems…” Margaret twisted her lips in disapproval. “…very risky. I mean, from what I hear, Evan has spent quite a lot of time in hospitals.”

“From what you hear?” Buck put down his fork, no longer hungry. “Because, you could have come. Seen for yourself.”

“Evan, I’ve told you…” She sighed.

“You, uh, you’re not good with hospitals.” Buck cut her off. “ I got it. It’s funny how you were fine with visiting Aunt Marcy in the hospital, though.”

“I’m not good at seeing my children in them. You don’t know!” She snapped back. “And you’ll never let me forget that, will you?”

“Mom, Mom.” Maddie jumped in, Her mother brushing her off.

“I’m fine,” she said, straightening up. “I’m just ready for dessert.”

Philip suddenly smiled, catching Buck off guard.

“Oh, Howard, where’d you put that box we brought?” He asked, turning to Chimney.

“Dad, more gifts?” Maddie asked, exasperated.

“Not exactly.” he winked at her.

“It’s over by the couch. Let me grab it.” Chimney offered, already out of his seat.

“I like him, Maddie,” Philip said approvingly.

“Me too. You picked a good one this time.” Margaret said, taking a sip of wine.

“Mom…” Buck said, a warning note in his voice.

“What? It was a compliment, Evan,” she said defensively.

“Oh, was it?” Buck challenged her.

Margaret made a noise of annoyance and turned away from Buck.

Philip lifted an ornate wooden box onto the table, Maddie’s name written in cursive script.

“Your baby box,” He said, grinning.

Maddie immediately went to examine it, eyes wide with delight.

“I thought you might wanna pass on some of these things to your little girl someday,” Margaret said as Maddie flipped open the lid.

“Aw!” Maddie cooed as she pulled out a little pair of baby shoes and a hat.

Maddie gasped.

“Flopsy!” Maddie pulled out a little stuffed dog. “I can’t believe you guys kept him!”

“Of course we did, sweetie.” Margaret squeezed her hand. “And now your baby girl can play with him just like you did.”

Buck leaned over to get a better look.

“Oh, this is cool,” Buck said, seeing everything stacked inside.

Maddie’s hospital bracelet.

Her christening gown.

Dozens upon dozens of pictures of Maddie throughout the years.

It was truly a time capsule of a parents’ love.

“I didn’t know you made these for us. When do I get mine?” Buck asked, looking up at his parents.

Everything went silent.

Maddie busied herself with the box, and his parents didn’t even look at him.

Buck’s smile started to fall from his face as he realized what they weren’t saying.

“Hey, you’re not even a grown-up yet.” Chimney jumped in, trying to save the day. “They’re probably still adding stuff to it.”

Buck nodded at that, pasting a fake smile onto his face.

“Yeah, probably,” he said, taking a large gulp of water to occupy himself.

The cold burned as he swallowed, welcoming the feeling as a distraction from all of this.

“I can’t believe you kept all this.” Maddie looked up at them, eyes shining with unshed tears.

“You thought we’d throw it away?” Philip chuckled slightly as he sat back down.

“We may not have agreed with all your choices, Maddie, but we never gave up hope that you’d come to your senses.” She reached for Maddie’s hand, squeezing it once. “And you did.”

And with that, Buck had had enough.

“You never gave up hope?” Buck snorted.

“Evan, let’s not do this.” Maddie chastised him.

“United front, remember?” He shot back at her before turning to his parents.

“You guys didn’t even go to her wedding.” He told them, eyes blazing with fury.

“She was making a terrible mistake,” Margaret said.

“We told her that,” Philip added, clasping Margaret’s hand.

“Yeah, people make mistakes.” Buck shrugged. “Doesn’t mean you give up on ’em. But you did. She married Doug, and you cut her off.”

“At the time, we thought it was… for the best,” Philip admitted.

“Yeah, you always think your actions are for the best.” Buck snorted.

“We didn’t know what was going on.” Margaret turned to Maddie, eyes wide with desperation. “I swear, Maddie. We didn’t know he was hurting you.”

“Well, you should have.” Buck finally snapped.

He stood up, towering over his parents as he hurled his words at them like bullets from a gun. “You should have known! You should have known! You were right there in the same town. How could you not know?”

His parents were near tears as they looked at their laps, and Buck finally stopped for a minute.

He snorted at them, crossing his arms.

“Actually, you know what?” They looked back at him. “Maybe it does track because you barely knew what was going on with your own kids when we were under the same roof.”

Margaret flinched, and Buck only felt slightly bad.

“Maybe you never gave up hope, but you sure as hell gave up on her.” Buck paused for emphasis. “You gave up on both of us.”

Buck started to walk to the door before doubling back.

There was one more thing he needed to say.

“Oh, and, uh, and you wanna know why I’m really in therapy?” Buck asked, not even bothering to wait for a response. “It is because I have spent my entire life feeling like a constant disappointment to both of you.”

His parents were as still as statues, tears swelling in his mother’s eyes.

“And you wanna talk about our jobs? You think my job is dangerous?” Buck asked, once again not waiting for them to answer. “I have walked through fire every single day of my life because of you, and that is why I am in therapy. Because nothing I ever did was good enough!”

“We tried. But you always… ” His father said helplessly, and his mother took over from there.

“You never made it easy on us. Either one of you.” His mother said, near tears.

“We were supposed to? We were kids.” Maddie seemed near tears as Chimney took her hand in comfort.

“Evan, I don’t know what you expected us to do!” His mother cried, the tears finally streaming down her face.

And with that, all the anger melted away.

How could they still not get it?

How could they not get the one thing that Buck wanted them to do?

The one thing every parent should do for their kids, without question.

Buck swallowed hard before speaking, his voice rough with unshed tears.

“Love me anyway.” He finally said before leaving Maddie’s apartment and slamming the door behind him.

He could barely make it to his jeep before everything came out of him.

He cried for what felt like an hour before he felt okay to drive.

He didn’t want to go home.

Albert would be there, and he really didn’t want to deal with anything else tonight.

There was only one place he could go where he wouldn’t have to answer any questions, at least for a little while.

Buck put the car in drive and made his way to Eddie’s.

When he got there, the lights were off.

Buck used his spare key to get into the house, only to find the couch made up and an extra set of clothes on the coffee table.

Buck smiled slightly at the sight.

He dressed and got ready for bed, sliding under the blankets before long.

He ended up staring at the ceiling, thinking about all the ways this had gone badly.

He didn’t mean to lose it on his parents.

But everything they said over the last two days made him realize there was so much wrong with his relationship with them.

He wished Maddie hadn’t called them.

He wished that he could have been enough family for her.

But more than anything, he wished he could be enough for someone.

He clearly wasn’t enough for his parents.

He wasn’t enough for Abby.

Was he going to be enough for anyone?

Buck’s eyelid started to droop as he pondered that, eventually going off to sleep.

~~

He awoke the following day to a nine-year-old poking his face.

“Buck!” Chris said with a grin, seeing Buck’s eyes open. “You’re here!”

“Yes, I am, Superman!” Buck sat up and pulled Chris in against him

Eddie came out of the kitchen, an apologetic look on his face.

“I’m sorry. I told him not to wake you.” Eddie punctuated this with a look at Christopher, who just giggled and turned into Buck.

“You mean you would make me start my day without Chris’s cuddles?” Buck frowned at Eddie. “That’s cold. And here I thought we were friends.”

“Yeah, that’s cold, Dad.” Chris piped up, giggling.

“Okay, okay.” Eddie held up his hands in surrender, coming over to them. “Chris, if you get ready right now, we can grab breakfast at the diner before school.

Chris’ eyes lit up, and he wriggled out of Buck’s arms, moving to his bedroom.

“That boy is extremely motivated by the prospect of waffles,” Buck remarked.

“Ain’t that the truth,” Eddie commented before sitting on the couch beside Buck.

“Is everything okay with you?” Eddie asked, looking straight into Buck’s eyes.

“It’s better now.” Buck offered, smiling slightly.

Eddie shrugged at that before asking his next question.

“Anything you want to talk about?”

Buck hesitated for a minute before Eddie nudged him.

“Yeah, but not here.” he finally said.

Eddie nodded at that.

“Okay, so after we drop Chris at school, we can go to the firehouse early and use the punching bag.”

“Why the punching bag?” Buck wrinkled his nose in confusion.

“Because if dealing with your parents is anything like dealing with mine.” Eddie stood, straightening his shirt before offering a hand to Buck. “You’re going to need to hit something.”

“I can’t argue with that.” Buck took Eddie’s hand and pulled himself up, the two of them ending up inches apart.

Buck froze.

They were so close that Buck could feel Eddie’s breath hit his face with every exhale.

A thud from the bathroom ended the moment before it ever truly started, the two of them pulling apart.

“I’m going to go get changed,” Buck said, pointing over his shoulder to Eddie’s bedroom.

“Yeah, I left some of your clothes in the bedroom.” Eddie moved aside, clearing his throat slightly.

Buck hustled into the bedroom, not looking back.

~~

Two hours later, Buck and Eddie were at the firehouse gym.

At first, Buck wasn’t sure that going nuts on a punching bag would help, but after a few hits, he did start to feel better.

“Tell Mom and Dad how you feel!” He gritted out between hits on the bag, “It’ll be a fresh start!” He threw a hook, the bag shivering with the force of the blow.

“Two dinners.” Buck stepped away from the bag, holding up his gloves for emphasis. “That’s all it took, two dinners, and I am 12 years old again, trapped between my sister and my parents.”

He groaned, wiping his brow with his forearm. “And now… planning my awkward apology.”

Eddie, who had previously been a silent observer, took that moment to look offended on Buck’s behalf.

“What do you have to apologize for?” he asked. “Did you say anything that wasn’t true?”

Buck sighed.

“No, but…” he started to say before Eddie cut him off.

“Well, look.” Buck turned to face Eddie fully. “Maybe you could’ve come at it a little differently, but if that’s how you feel, how they made you feel, you have every right to say so.”

Buck snorted at Eddie.

“Yeah, I don’t need any more therapy.” Buck practically spit out the words. “I just wanna hit things.”

Buck charged back to the bag, barely stopping before he ran into Eddie.

Eddie, who had placed his arm across the bag, waited until he got Buck’s attention before speaking.

“I’ve been down that road.” He said, voice soft but serious. “I don’t recommend it.”

Buck sighed as Eddie moved away from the bag.

He guessed he had a point.

Violence probably wouldn’t solve his answers.

Buck’s momentary calm lasted until he felt his phone buzz in his pocket.

He groaned, taking off one of his gloves to reach his phone.

“Maddie again?” Eddie asked.

Buck sighed.

“Yeah,” he said, turning to attack the bag. “She’s worried about me.”

He launched a kick that nearly knocked the entire punching bag over.

“Can’t imagine why.” Eddie drawled, walking away from the punching bag.

Buck followed him.

“It’s just… did your parents make a baby box?” Buck asked.

“Like where they kept mementos from the first year or so of my life?” Eddie asked, eyebrows raised.

Buck nodded, and Eddie sighed.

“I think they did one for me? I never asked about it, honestly.” Eddie told him. “I know they worked with Shannon to do one for Christopher, and I still add stuff to it when I get the chance.”

“Well, my parents gave Maddie hers last night. They figured she would want to pass some of that stuff onto her kid.”

“That’s sweet,” Eddie said slowly.

“It was,” Buck told him before flopping down on the steps leading to the loft. “It just got awkward when I asked them about mine.”

Buck could see when Eddie put it all together.

“You don’t think they made you a baby box?” Eddie sat down next to Buck.

“I am almost positive they didn’t,” Buck told him. “The look on their face when I asked was so clear that they never even thought about making one for me.”

“I’m so sorry.” Eddie moved closer to him. “It’s awful how they treat you.”

“I’m used to it.” Buck shrugged.

Just then. Chimney entered the firehouse and made a beeline for Buck.

“Hey, Maddie wanted me to talk to you about what happened last night,” he said, stopping in front of Buck and Eddie.

“I don’t want to talk about that right now,” Buck told him. “I’ll call Maddie after our shift if I’m up to it.”

Buck stood and turned to walk into the locker room, followed by Eddie.

He hoped Chimney would get the message that he wanted to avoid talking about it.

He was wrong.

“Come on, man, Maddie is distraught about this. I’m worried about her.” Chimney followed Buck, standing there as he opened his locker.

“She’s not the only one who’s upset.” Buck took out his uniform and slipped his shirt off over his head. “I just need a little bit of space.”

“How much space are we talking about?” Chimney pushed.

“About as much space as you needed when Albert first came to town last year.” Buck pushed back.

Chimney looked like he had been slapped.

“That’s not the same thing.” Chimney finally said.

“Isn’t it?” Eddie spoke up, coming to stand at Buck’s shoulder. “When you needed space after that fight with Albert, Buck helped you out and took Albert in for the night.”

“You needed space to process your feelings about your dad treating Albert better, and I gave you that.” Buck finished. “Why can’t you do me the same courtesy?”

Chimney opened and shut his mouth a few times before finally groaning.

“Look, I know you’re right.” He said, turning back to his locker. “But please just call your sister.”

“I’ll consider it,” Buck said flatly.

Chimney seemed to realize that that was the best he would get, quickly changing and leaving the locker room without so much as another word.

“Thanks for that.” Buck turned to Eddie.

“No problem.” Eddie gave Buck a half smile before buttoning up his uniform shirt.

Buck did the same, finishing getting changed and making it upstairs in time for lunch.

It was going to be a long shift.

Chapter 5:

At the end of the shift, Athena stopped by to update them on the Delia Narwood case, which was something none of them saw coming.

“A corgi?”

“Yep.” Athena nodded.

“A corgi killed her?” Hen asked in confusion.

“No, she shot herself. The corgi just startled her and caused the gunshot to occur.” Athena told them.

Buck frowned.

“I buy it,” Eddie said, the rest of the team looking at him in disbelief. “The family next to me growing up had a corgi, and that dog was a menace. I could see one being mischievous enough to do this.”

“You’re seriously holding a grudge over a corgi you knew as a child?” Bobby asked, trying not to laugh.

“What did that poor dog ever do to you?” Athena asked, eyebrows raised.

Eddie sighed, the entire team watching him.

“He peed on my baseball helmet and my gym bag.”

“The dog peed once, and you hate all corgis?” Chimney snarked at him.

Eddie gave him a dirty look.

“Not once.” Eddie made a face. “Anytime I left my bag in the driveway, even for a second, that furry little bastard would slide under the fence, trot over to my bag, and lift his leg.”

Buck cackled at that, imagining a younger Eddie being a victim of canine biological warfare.

“Laugh all you want, but Waffles knew what he was doing. I caught him once and he looked at me, smirked, and lifted his leg.”

“Dogs can’t smirk, Eddie,” Bobby told him.

“This one did!”

“Note to self: never have Eddie dogsit Paisley,” Hen muttered, rolling her eyes at him.

“What?” Eddie shrugged. “I’m not a huge fan of dogs.”

Buck rolled his eyes at Eddie, amused by how vehement his best friend was about the evils of corgis.

Buck thought they were adorable, but he would not argue that point right now.

Eddie was still annoyed about the HILDY prank from two weeks ago.

Even if he’d been using the HILDY coffee maker every morning without fail, according to Chris.

“So the dog isn’t in trouble?” Buck asked, just to make sure.

“What was I supposed to do? Put him in doggy handcuffs?” Athena said, an exasperated note in her voice. “No jury in the world would convict unless Eddie was on it.”

The rest of the firehouse laughed at that, and then Athena had to leave to run an errand.

“Okay, entertaining as that was.” Bobby clapped his hands. “Chore time!”

Everyone groaned at that.

~~

The rest of the shift passed fairly peacefully.

Everyone was glad to get some downtime after the shift that had the call with the crazy bomber.

After the shift was over, Buck decided to give Maddie a call.

He was still pissed off at his parents, but Maddie had nothing to do with their actions.

It wouldn’t be fair for him to shut her out too.

She had always been there for him, and this visit was not easy on her either.

It was time he was there for her.

“Evan!” Maddie answered the phone on the first ring with an anxious note in her voice. “I’ve been trying to get ahold of you. Can you come over?”

“Yeah, I’ll be right there,” Buck said, leaving the firehouse and walking to his car.

Eddie gave him a shoulder bump on the way out, letting Buck know he’d be there if Buck wanted to talk later.

Buck was grateful for it.

Out of all the people in the world, Maddie and Eddie were the two that were always there for him.

The rest of the fire family was a close second, but those two were the ones he relied on the most.

He didn’t know what he would do without them.

He was lucky to have so many amazing people in his life.

“Are you okay?” Maddie asked, eyes wide with concern.

Buck sat on her couch, relieved not to find his parents in the apartment.

After the last encounter with his parents, Buck didn’t want to see them for a while.

“Embarrassed, mostly, about the way I went off on Mom and Dad.” He huffed, sitting on her couch with his arms crossed.

“You don’t have to defend me.” He looked at her. “I can take care of myself.”

“Well, you shouldn’t have to,” Maddie told him. “Not from your own parents.”

Buck sighed. “But I’m sorry. I know you’re trying to fix things with them.”

“Not just for me.” Maddie put a hand on his shoulder. “For you too. You shouldn’t have to carry the weight of their mistakes, and you deserve better than that.”

“Yeah, well…” Buck shrugged.

It wasn’t like anything with his parents was going to change.

“And you have never… you’ve never been a disappointment.” Maddie looked at him intently.

Buck changed the subject and reached for the baby box still on the table.

“You know, I-I gotta say, uh… This was a surprise.” Buck flipped open the box, taking a look inside. “Never knew Mom and Dad were so sentimental.”

“Yeah, they used to be… different,” Maddie said, taking a minute to find the right word.

“Different, how?” Buck asked.”They don’t strike me as people who change easily.”

“Happier.” Maddie sighed before seeming to backtrack. “I mean, maybe they weren’t. You take things on differently as a kid.”

Buck raised an eyebrow at her and then came across a picture of him in the box.

“Hо hо hо, hey!” Buck said, taking it out to look at it fully. “There’s a handsome devil.”

“That’s not supposed to be in there.” Maddie tried to reach for the picture, but Buck pulled it away at the last minute.

“Oh! No pictures of me are allowed in your baby box.” Buck held the image to his chest protectively, shaking a teasing finger at her. “Selfish!”

Maddie said nothing else, so Buck looked back at the picture.

Something was wrong with it.

The longer he stared at it, the less it made sense.

He didn’t remember owning a shirt like that.

His birthmark wasn’t even visible in the picture.

He only vaguely remembered a bike like that, like it was something he’d only seen once.

And then he noticed the most unusual thing.

“This doesn’t look like our house,” Buck said, examining the picture.

The house looked vaguely familiar, like something he had seen once before in a dream.

“When was this taken?” He asked, looking at Maddie.

Buck frowned when Maddie didn’t respond, her wide eyes staring at the picture.

Buck flipped the photo over, brow wrinkling as he caught sight of the date.

“1988?” He looked at Maddie with his brow furrowed in confusion. “That can’t be right. I wasn’t even born yet.”

Maddie still didn’t respond, and Buck shook her shoulder.

“Maddie.” Maddie finally snapped out of it, eyes locking onto Buck once more.

“Maddie, who… who is this?” Buck asked, shaking the photo at her slightly.

Maddie licked her lips, swallowing hard before she spoke.

“That’s Daniel.”

“Okay, and who the hell is Daniel? Why haven’t I heard about him?”

“He died.” Buck froze as Maddie continued to speak. “He was our brother.”

Buck stared at Maddie in shock.

“He was seven when you were born. He was gone a year later, and that’s why you don’t remember him.” She said, not looking at Buck as she took the photo from his slack grip.

Buck let her.

This didn’t make any sense.

How could he have never known about Daniel?

He sank onto the couch, Maddie sitting right next to him.

“How did he die?” Buck finally asked, his throat suddenly as dry as sand.

“Juvenile leukemia.” Maddie’s fingers lightly stroked the photo, tracing over Daniel’s face. “He got sick right after that photo was taken.”

She sighed, putting the photo on the coffee table. “Our lives changed forever after that. Three years of doctors and hospitals, every treatment they could find, but nothing worked.”

Something still didn’t make sense to Buck.

“I don’t understand why no one told me,” he told her. “I mean, I had a brother.”

“They were in shock.” Maddie offered. “After he died, they packed up his things. We moved to a new town. They made me promise never to tell you.”

“No, it doesn’t make any sense. Why would anyone hide the fact that they had a child from their own family?” Buck pushed.

“They were grieving,” Maddie said weakly. “I think they still are.”

That excuse might have worked on someone else, but Buck had grown up with Maddie.

He knew what she looked like when she was hiding something.

Or maybe he didn’t.

Since, apparently, she had been hiding something from him his entire life.

“So I was born in the middle of all of that,” Buck asked, trying to keep track of all this. “Of him being sick.”

“Yeah. Leukemia.” Maddie nodded.

Buck remembered something he had read in one of Hen’s textbooks when she started studying for the MCAT.

“I’m… I’m surprised they didn’t try a bone marrow transplant.” Buck said slowly.

“None of us were a match.” Maddie kept staring at the photo on the coffee table. “Not Dad, not Mom… not me, and they couldn’t find a match.”

And then it all became clear to Buck.

His stomach twisted, bile rising in his throat.

He forced it down so he could speak, a sour taste lingering in his mouth.

“So they made one. Me.” He managed to say.

Maddie finally looked at Buck.

The sorrow and pity in her eyes told him everything he needed to know.

“You were a perfect match.”

Those words made Buck want to throw up.

Maddie kept talking, but Buck could barely hear her over the sound of blood rushing through his ears.

“But the cells didn’t graft, and Daniel had a relapse.” She tried reaching for Buck’s hand, but he yanked it away.

She looked like she was about to cry. “I wanted to tell you so many times. But the more time that went by, it just got harder, you know? And I’m so sorry. Evan.”

“How could you keep this from me?” Buck asked, throat thick with tears. “How could you lie to me for my entire life and not care how much it hurt me?”

“Of course, I care, Evan.”

“Not enough to tell me.”

“I didn’t know how to tell you. But I wanted to. Chimney even said I should–”

“Chimney knew?” Buck jerked back even further. “You told Chimney and not me?”

Maddie looked at a loss for words, opening and closing her mouth multiple times.

“I can’t be here.” Buck finally managed to say, staggering up from the couch. “I need to get out of here.”

Maddie tried to grab his hand once again.

“Evan, please don’t leave. Just talk to me.” Maddie begged.

Buck didn’t listen.

He ran out the door as fast as he could, not even bothering to wait for the elevator.

He went for the stairs, taking them two at a time.

He burst into the parking lot, hands shaking as he unlocked the jeep.

He put the car in drive, peeling out of the parking lot in a screech of tires.

He drove exactly one block before pulling over, trying to catch his breath.

Tears started to stream down his face.

He couldn’t believe it.

Everything was a lie.

His entire life, he had thought that at least his parents must have wanted him.

That they must love him even if they didn’t show it in the best way.

But of course, that wasn’t true.

They never wanted him.

They only wanted him because of what he could do for their son.

And he couldn’t even do that.

No wonder they always thought of him as a screw-up.

He screwed up the only thing he was made to do.

The only thing that they wanted him to do.

He was created for one reason, and he managed to screw that up like he screwed up anything else.

Buck’s phone started to buzz, Maddie’s name flashing across the screen.

Buck savagely hit the power button, powering it off.

He couldn’t deal with this right now.

He sat on the side of the road, trying to catch his breath.

He had no idea how long he had sat there, but a flashlight soon shone into his car.

He rolled down the window, singing in relief when he saw Officer Williams standing there with a flashlight.

He was glad it wasn’t Athena.

“Hey.” Buck waved halfheartedly.

“Buckley?” Officer Williams asked. “Everything all right?”

“Yeah, I just pulled over to calm down before driving.” Buck tried to smile. “I’ll be okay, and I’m going to head off in a minute.”

Officer Williams looked unconvinced.

“Can I at least give you an escort?” He offered. “I’d like to make sure you got there safely.”

Buck sighed.

He didn’t think Williams was going to let this go.

“Yeah, okay.”

Officer Williams looked relieved.

“Where are you headed?”

Buck gave him Eddie’s address.

He didn’t want to go home.

That would be the first place Maddie looked for him.

Objectively, Eddie’s would be the second, but Buck liked his chances better.

Buck followed Officer WIlliams to Eddie’s place, hands clenching around the steering wheel.

When he finally arrived, he waited to leave his car until Officer Williams had driven away.

He walked up the steps, Eddie already opening the door before he got to it.

“Buck?” Eddie asked. “What’s wrong?”

“Can I stay with you for the night?” Buck asked, swallowing hard.

“Yeah, of course.” Eddie pulled him inside. “What’s going on?”

“Is Chris in bed?” Buck asked.

“Yeah, he’s asleep.”

“Good.” Buck looked at Eddie, a lump in his throat. “Want to have a drink?”

Eddie nodded, looking at Buck warily.

Buck knew he must seem insane right now, showing up at Eddie’s place like this.

He didn’t care.

He just needed to talk about this, and the words wouldn’t come out alone.

Eddie led Buck to the couch, getting him a beer.

Buck cradled the bottle for a minute, finally taking a long pull.

“You might have noticed I don’t talk about my parents much.” he started, staring at the coffee table. “I’m sure you’ve even wondered why.”

“I did, but I figured that was your business,” Eddie told him, his voice even.

“Yeah, but I think it’s time we talk about it.” Buck chuckled, the noise nearly giving way to a sob.

Buck felt Eddie move closer, putting a reassuring hand on Buck’s shoulder.

“Do you know what it’s like to know when you’re seven years old that your parents don’t like you very much?” Buck asked, not even waiting for an answer. “Because I do. It wasn’t until my seventh birthday that I realized what I had to do to get my parents to care about me.”

“What happened on your seventh birthday?” Eddie asked.

“Maddie took me to learn how to ride a bike, and I crashed it. I skinned my knee, and my parents freaked out. But after they calmed down, they spent the next few days doting on me and paying attention to me for the first time I could remember.” Buck sighed. “It was the best feeling in the world, and I wanted to feel that way again.”

Buck took another drink.

“So for years, I would do risky things and get hurt just so I could have them care about me for a minute. I broke my arm twice falling out of trees and sprained my ankle jumping from the window. I did anything and everything that could get me hurt because otherwise, they didn’t care.”

Eddie squeezed Buck’s shoulder once, and Buck took that as a sign to keep going.

“They missed out on everything in my life. My championship football game, the spirit award I got, and prom pictures. They couldn’t even be bothered to go to school for parent-teacher conferences. They only did things that would make them lose face if they didn’t.”

Buck snorted. “Once, my mom even left the state to help a sick relative for a month and didn’t tell me until she was gone. Dad was working all the time, so Mom just gave me money for food and strict instructions only to eat frozen and prepared foods since she didn’t want me burning the house down.”

“That’s awful, Buck. I’m so sorry.” Eddie told him.

“Yeah, and now I find out why that was.” Buck looked at Eddie briefly before finishing off his beer. “It’s because they never wanted another kid. They just had me for spare parts. Defective parts, as it turned out.”

Buck felt hands on him, Eddie turning him so he could look into his eyes.

“Buck, what are you talking about?”

“I had a brother,” Buck said, shaking slightly. “An older brother named Daniel. He was diagnosed with leukemia, and none of them was a match. So they had me.”

Buck saw Eddie’s eyes widen with understanding.

“Except I wasn’t good enough.” Buck gasped around the tightness in his chest as he forced the words out. “So Daniel died, and they decided to pretend he never existed. Instead of the son they wanted, they were stuck with the defective spare parts they never asked for.”

“Buck.” Eddie shook him slightly. “You are not defective. You are the best man I know, and if your parents can’t see that, that is their problem.”

“I just don’t understand.” Buck felt tears start to trail down his cheeks once more. “How could Maddie do this to me? How could she lie to me and claim they loved me when she knew they didn’t?”

Eddie pulled Buck into a hug, and Buck finally broke.

He started sobbing into Eddie’s chest, clinging to Eddie like he would drown if he let him go.

“I don’t know.” Eddie rubbed a palm up and down Buck’s back. Buck pressed into the touch like it was the first bit of comfort that he ever received. “I don’t know why she would do that. I don’t know how someone could look at you and not love you.”

Buck sniffled, turning his face into Eddie’s neck.

“I’m here for you. No matter what, you are my family. Me and Chris will be here for you, no matter what your parents think.” Eddie promised.

“Thank you.” Buck managed to get out.

Eddie held him tight, pulling away after a long moment.

“Let’s go to bed.” Eddie cupped Buck’s face with his hand, Buck leaning into the touch. “We can figure out the rest tomorrow.”

Eddie pulled Buck off the couch, leading him down the hall.

Buck pulled away, realizing Eddie was taking him to his room.

“Eddie, I’m not taking your bed,” Buck argued. “I’ll take the couch.”

“You are not taking the couch,” Eddie told him. “We’ll share the bed.”

Buck hesitated at that.

Eddie noticed, pulling to a halt and turning to Buck

“Look, I won’t feel comfortable leaving you alone tonight.” Eddie squeezed Buck’s hand. “So come with me. We can share the bed tonight and worry about the rest tomorrow.”

Buck sighed.

“You aren’t going to let this go, are you?”

“Not at all.”

Eddie pulled Buck down the hallway, and he grabbed some sweats from his drawer before handing them to Buck.

“You take the bathroom first. I’ll be out here.” Eddie sat on the bed, gesturing Buck forward.

Buck padded into the bathroom, changing quickly and staring at himself in the mirror.

He gazed at his reflection, fixing on the birthmark above his eye.

That was what was missing from the picture of Daniel.

In all other ways, they could have been twins at that age.

Would his life have turned out the same way if Daniel had lived?

Would he just be seen as unnecessary by his parents instead of useless?

Buck didn’t know.

And the answers to those questions scared him more than anything.

Buck brushed his teeth with the toothbrush Eddie kept for him, his heart warming when he saw the little tube of mint toothpaste.

Eddie and Chris liked cinnamon toothpaste, but after living with Buck during quarantine, Eddie had bought him a tube of mint toothpaste for his house.

Every time he saw it, it made him feel wanted in a way he had never felt before.

Buck finished up, exiting the bathroom.

Eddie went in there after him, Buck flopping down on what he knew would be his side of the bed and burrowing under the covers.

Eddie always slept closest to the door. It was a habit from his Army days that he couldn’t kick.

Plus, he wanted to be closer to Chris if he needed him.

It was one of the many things that Buck loved about him.

Even if he could never tell him.

The bathroom door flew open, Buck’s eyes tracking Eddie as he moved across the room.

Now dressed in sweatpants and nothing else, Eddie turned off the overhead light, the only light in the room being from his bedside lamp.

He lifted the covers on his side of the bed and slid in next to Buck.

He then turned to Buck, his skin almost golden in the lamp’s warm glow.

“I’m here if you need me.” He told him, reaching out for Buck’s hand.

Buck clasped Eddie’s hand, looking up at Eddie.

His warm brown eyes gazed at Buck with a tenderness that Buck had never seen anywhere else.

“I know,” Buck said the only thing he could as he squeezed Eddie’s hand lightly.

He expected Eddie to let go of his hand.

He didn’t.

Eddie turned off the lamp with his free hand, inching his way down the bed until he was facing Buck.

“Good night.” He said, his voice as soft as the pillow beneath Buck’s head.

“Good night,” Buck told him.

Eddie drifted off to sleep almost immediately, Buck taking a little longer.

He stared at Eddie, mentally tracing the shape of his profile.

Buck didn’t deserve to have someone like Eddie in his life.

Someone so sweet and kind, willing to let Buck completely disrupt his life just because he was having a bad day.

Buck should leave.

He should get up and go right now and not trouble Eddie anymore.

He knew that he should, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

As selfish as it was, Buck just wanted to stay in this moment for as long as he could.

In a moment where he felt like he belonged here, with Eddie.

And with that thought, Buck went to sleep.

Chapter 6:

Eddie rose before anyone else in the house the next morning, as was his habit.

But instead of getting up and getting the day started like usual, he just lay in bed and looked at Buck.

Their positions had shifted at some point during the night, and Eddie found himself curled around Buck, their legs tangled together.

Eddie turned his head slightly to look at Buck, whose face was turned into Eddie’s neck. He could feel the vibrations of Buck’s breathing against his neck, his snores ringing out into the air.

Luckily Eddie was used to the snoring. Otherwise, he would mind this position a whole lot more.

He tilted his head, taking in Buck’s appearance.

In the early morning light, Buck seemed to glow.

Eddie could see the faintest edge of his birthmark, stark red against Buck’s skin, drawing his attention like the most attractive of bullseyes.

Eddie knew that when Buck’s eyes were open, the birthmark only highlighted the intense blue of his eyes.

This was hardly their first time in this position, but Eddie always found himself taken aback by Buck.

On this day, and likely for many more days to come, he had to wonder how the Buckleys could be so awful to the man sleeping against him.

How they could have ever looked at Buck and not loved him.

Despite their rocky start, Eddie fell in love with Buck more and more every day.

And it wasn’t just how beautiful he was.

Buck was also the kindest, sweetest, funniest guy Eddie had ever met.

Bringing Buck into his and Chris’ life was the best thing Eddie had ever done.

He’d had crushes on men before, but this was different.

This was Buck.

And Buck was everything to him.

Eddie was shaken out of staring at Buck by his phone buzzing insistently.

Eddie reached for it, trying not to wake Buck as he extricated himself from Buck’s arms.

He flipped the phone over, seeing Albert’s name flashing on the screen.

He unlocked his phone and moved to his text messages.

Albert: How’s Buck?

Eddie hesitated before texting back.

Eddie: What do you mean?

Albert: I mean, that Chimney already called me about ten times looking for him. According to Chimney said he ran out when talking to Maddie last night, and no one’s heard from him since. Maddie tried to stop by today, but I wouldn’t let her in.

Eddie smirked at that, glad Albert was joining him in having Buck’s back.

He didn’t have much experience with Chimney’s little brother, but Buck always said he was a good guy.

Eddie was relieved to see that that was true.

He could see Albert typing, and then the next text came in.

Albert: I know he’s with you, and I don’t plan to tell anyone. I just want to know he’s okay.

Eddie finally texted back.

Eddie: He’s fine. Or at least as fine as he can be.

Eddie paused for a second before texting again.

Eddie: Can I come by to grab some of his things?

Buck had some stuff here, but Eddie figured it would be easier to grab some of Buck’s stuff now than to risk Maddie accosting them when Buck was awake.

Albert texted him a thumbs up, which Eddie took to mean it was okay with him.

Eddie slipped out of bed, careful not to wake Buck.

He quietly dressed before going to his nightstand and grabbing a pad of paper and a pen.

He scribbled out a quick note for Buck, leaving it on the pillow so Buck would see it when he woke up.

Buck,

I ran out for some errands.

Chris should sleep until I get back, but if not, I trust you with him.

I’ll come back with breakfast.

Eddie signed the note and added the time.

With any luck, he’d be back before Buck woke up.

Eddie stood over Buck for a minute.

He was so peaceful, his curls strewn across his head as he curled into the pillow.

Edie slipped out of the house, closing the doors as quietly as possible.

Before long, he was on his way to Buck’s place and he hoped he could get through this errand without bloodshed.

Albert let him in as soon as he got there, Eddie not even having to use his key.

He must have been waiting by the door for Eddie.

“So Maddie didn’t say much, but I’m assuming this has something to do with the Buckley family secret?”

Eddie froze with his hand mere inches from grabbing Buck’s favorite sweatshirt from the closet.

“How do you know about that?”

Albert flinched slightly, a guilty expression settling onto his face.

“Chimney tried to tell me last week, but I ran away before he could. I didn’t like the idea of knowing something about Buck without him knowing.” Albert told him.

Eddie sighed. “Of course he did.”

He could see how worried Albert was and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t worry. You did a good thing, and I’m sure Buck won’t be mad at you for Chimney trying to tell you.”

Albert breathed a sigh of relief.

“So, what do you think Buck needs?” He asked, ready to help.

Just as they started to collect Buck’s things, an insistent knock sounded at the door.

Albert rolled his eyes as he went to open it, Eddie being out of sight of the door.

“Maddie, I already told you that Buck isn’t here,” Albert said, only opening the door a crack.

“I’m not going to leave.” Eddie could hear Maddie say, taking a shuddering breath. “I need to talk to him, and I’m not leaving until I do.”

Eddie knew it wasn’t his place, but he knew someone had to do something.

He strode over to the door, nudging Albert aside.

“Maddie, you need to leave Buck alone.” He told her, crossing his arms across his chest.

Maddie looked taken aback by Eddie’s presence, the faint tracks of tears still visible on her face and trailing down over her mask.

“What are you doing here?” She asked, her voice wavering.

“Buck needed me, so I came.” Eddie kept his details purposefully vague.

“I need to talk to him.” Maddie tried looking past Eddie to see if she could see Buck inside. “I need to speak to him.”

“And Buck needs time to process what you told him.”

“I can help him! I can fix this!” Maddie started getting increasingly worked up, and Eddie knew he had to defuse the situation.

“You can’t fix this.” Eddie saw Maddie gearing up to respond, so he went in for the kill. “You can’t fix this because you broke this.”

Eddie saw Maddie physically recoil, swallowing hard, so he pushed on.

“Last night, you dropped a massive bomb on Buck, turning everything he once knew into rubble. You don’t get to do that and then come here and expect to chat with him amongst the wreckage.”

“I want to help him understand all of this,” Maddie said, begging Eddie as she pushed lightly against the door. “Please, let me in so I can help him.”

“No.”

Eddie saw Maddie open her mouth, so he held a hand up while he continued to speak.

“As the oldest in my family, I get that you want to check in on your little brother. Lord knows I did that to my sisters plenty of times.” Eddie paused for emphasis. “But part of being an older sibling is knowing when your little siblings need space. If you don’t respect Buck enough to give him that, I’ll happily stand in your way.”

“You can’t keep me from Buck forever.” Maddie protested, her tears giving way to a moment of anger. “You have a family of your own to care for; why are you so determined to keep me from mine?”

“Chris is with family right now, and I don’t have to worry about him,” Eddie told her. “ And as for having a family of my own to care for, Buck has been a part of my family for the last two years. So if you want to harass him into talking with you before he’s ready, you have to go through me.”

Eddie raised his chin, daring Maddie to contradict him.

Maddie looked like she wanted to argue with him but eventually deflated.

“I’ll be coming by tomorrow to come to see him.” Maddie decided.

“That will be entirely up to Buck,” Eddie told her.

Maddie went to walk away before Eddie called her back.

“And just in case you had some idea about bothering him at work: don’t. I’ll be letting Bobby know about all of this.”

Maddie’s eyes glinted with frustration behind her mask, but she said nothing as she walked away.

Eddie shut the door, breathing a sigh of exhaustion.

Maddie wasn’t going to leave Buck alone any time soon.

“That was amazing.” Eddie nearly jumped out of his skin, forgetting that Albert was there. “I’ve never seen anyone go to bat for someone else like that before.”

The wonder in Albert’s eyes reminded Eddie that his home life was similar to Buck’s in many ways.

“I just did what Buck would do for me,” Eddie told Albert, reaching to flip the lock on the door.

Maddie was likely gone but better safe than sorry.

Albert gave him a considering look before speaking again.

“Does Buck know how you feel about him?”

Eddie froze, eyes wide.

After keeping his feelings secret for so long, he let it slip to Albert.

“I won’t tell him,” Albert said, reading the alarm on Eddie’s face. “But I think you should.”

“I don’t think now is the right time,” Eddie told him, fighting to keep his voice even.

“Fair enough.” Albert shrugged before tilting his head in confusion. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Why did you let Maddie think Buck was in the apartment?”

“Because I don’t want to have to call the cops on Buck’s sister if she harasses him at my house,” Eddie said, moving away from the door.

“Fair enough.” Albert sighed. “If Maddie knows where he is, she won’t leave him alone. He should think about moving.”

Eddie chuckled at that before he got an idea.

It might be a bad idea.

It was certainly a crazy idea.

But it was probably also the best idea he’d had in a while.

He turned to Albert.

“Hey, would you mind doing me a favor?”

~~

Within a half hour, they had gotten most of Buck’s stuff out of the apartment.

Buck could return for the rest if he officially decided to move, but this was a good enough start.

“You realize most people date someone before moving them into their apartment, right?” Albert grunted as he shoved the last box into the bed of Eddie’s truck.

Eddie sputtered for a minute before frowning at Albert. “Shut up.”

Albert snickered as Eddie swung himself into the cab of the truck.

“Hey, Eddie?”

Eddie turned to look at Albert.

“Can you ask Buck to give me a call?” Albert shifted from one foot to the other. “I want to make sure he’s okay.”

Eddie softened.

Albert had grown so much from when he had arrived last year.

“Of course,” Eddie told him. “And you’re always welcome over to the house. Just because you aren’t living together doesn’t mean Buck won’t want to see you.”

Albert smiled at that, and Eddie drove off.

Barely an hour had passed since he had left his house, and the odds were good that Buck and Chris were still sound asleep.

He stopped off at Einstein’s to pick up bagels, butter, and cream cheese, figuring an easy breakfast was just what the doctor ordered.

He grabbed the first box from the car, slowly opening the door to the house.

He walked into the living room, pausing when he saw Chris reading on the couch.

“Hey Buddy, what are you doing?” Eddie asked, placing the box of books on the coffee table.

“I saw Buck was still sleeping, so I came in here,” Chris said, frowning at the end of the sentence. “Why is Buck here?”

Eddie sat down next to Chris, wondering how he should say this.

“Buck’s going to stay with us for a bit.” He finally said. “Is that okay with you?”

Chris paused for a minute. “Are you and Buck dating?”

Eddie nearly choked on air.

“Wait, what?”

“It’s okay if you are.” Chris shrugged. “I love Buck.”

“I know you do, but we are not dating,” Eddie told him, wondering where Chris got this idea. “He’s just going through something, so I figure he could come to live with us.”

“Okay.” Chris nodded. “But you should still ask him out.”

Eddie sputtered slightly.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Eddie said dryly before getting up. “In the meantime, how about you help me out by putting away Buck’s books while I grab some more boxes?”

Chris nodded happily, and the two got to work.

Within an hour, all of Buck’s things were put away, and Eddie figured it was time to wake up the man in question.

He had been dead to the world for hours, not even waking when Eddie put his clothes away.

Eddie walked into the room, kneeling at Buck’s side. He shook Buck’s shoulder lightly. Buck startled awake in an instant, his eyes frantic until he caught sight of Eddie.

“Hey there.” Eddie offered him a comforting smile, standing up as Buck sat up in the bed, the tension of a moment before draining from his body. “I thought you’d like to grab some breakfast while it’s fresh.”

Buck rubbed his eyes, giving Eddie a wary look. “You didn’t cook it, did you?”

“Rude, but no,” Eddie told him, leaning over Buck to pick up the note he had left.

“I had to run some errands today.” Eddie held up the note as proof. “So I went to Einstein Bagels on the way back, and I was even nice enough to get you that monstrosity of a bagel you like.”

“Are you talking about Cinnamon Sugar or Egg Everything?” Buck asked, smirking at him. “Because both are valid bagel choices, and I’ll fight you on that.”

“Why do you want a bagel to be sweet if you’re putting cream cheese on it?” Eddie burst out, always ready to rehash this argument. “And why do you like the most violently yellow bagel?”

“The sweet and savory combo is amazing, first of all, and second of all,” Buck paused for effect. “I like the Egg Everything bagel. It’s delicious, and it reminds me of the sun.”

“That is the dumbest possible reason you could have given for liking that bagel.”

Buck sputtered in indignation. “You’re one to talk! You like cinnamon raisin bagels!”

“How is that any different than your cinnamon sugar bagel?”

“It just is!”

Eddie rolled his eyes, a fond smile overtaking his face.

“Okay, fine. You have better taste in bagels.” Eddie said, Buck grinning at that.

This was a hill Buck was willing to die on, and Eddie loved that about him.

It was like seeing an angry puppy.

Utterly adorable in every way.

“So, what errands did you have to run today?” Buck turned to grab his phone from the nightstand, only to pause.

Buck’s eyes were locked on his bright blue alarm clock, which Eddie had also liberated from Buck’s apartment.

“That’s mine,” Buck said, not treating it as a question as he pointed at the clock.

“It is,” Eddie said, moving to the dresser and opening the drawers. “So are these, and your other things are in the closet.”

Buck tilted his head in confusion, looking like the puppy Hen always claimed he was.

“How did you get them?”

“I went by your place to get your things. You should have moved in here anyway. You’re our bubble. I know Albert is there for you, but I hate the idea of you not being here. This is as much your home as it is mine.”

Buck was silent for a minute.

“I could have…” he started to say.

“No.”

“No, seriously, I would have gone,” Buck argued with him.

“I know, man, but someone needed to stay with Chris,” Eddie told him. “There was no way you were just going to leave him alone, and I didn’t want you to have to deal with any more of your family stuff today.”

Buck was silent for a minute, letting that sink in

“Thank you.”

“No problem, Buck.” Eddie hesitated for a long moment. “I saw Maddie when I was there. She stopped by when I was there.”

“You did?” Buck’s eyes widened in alarm as his back stiffened. “What….what happened?”

“I told her that you didn’t want to talk, and I let her think you were still there so she wouldn’t come here and bother you.” Eddie took a deep breath. “ I said that you would contact her when you were ready and that she needed to give you space and not come around for a while. I told her she couldn’t blow your world apart and expect you to chat amongst the wreckage. You need time, and I told her she better give you that, or she’d have to go through me.”

Buck was silent again after that, looking down at his lap.

Eddie worried that he had overstepped when Buck finally spoke.

“I could have done that,” Buck said softly.

“I know you could have,” Eddie reassured Buck. “But you didn’t have to. I didn’t just say that when I told you I’d have your back. I meant it. You are my person. I will always go to bat for you, even when you don’t think I need to.”

Buck’s eyes shone as he just looked at Eddie.

“I don’t think I deserve you.” Buck quietly said.

“Yes, you do,” Eddie said simply. “You deserve everything in life.”

A weak smile spread across Buck’s face, and he pushed back the covers and got up.

“Okay, so breakfast?” Buck said, moving to the closet and getting dressed.

Eddie frowned at Buck’s quick change of subject but brushed it off.

Buck had a lot thrown at him. It was good that he would take the time to process it.

“I’ll see you out there.” Eddie left the room to give Buck some privacy.

~~

Throughout the rest of the day, Eddie kept a close eye on Buck.

Everything seemed normal at first, but Eddie knew better.

He knew Buck.

And Buck was going into overdrive today, constantly cleaning up or grabbing them something.

It was after lunch that Eddie finally got a chance to talk to him.

He cornered Buck while he was throwing in a load of their laundry while Chris was reading a book.

“Hey Buck, we appreciate all the help, but you can take it easy,” Eddie told him, leaning against the door frame.

“I’m just trying to make myself useful.” Buck threw a Tide pod into the washing machine. “You guys are nice enough to let me stay here, and it’s only fair that I help out.”

Eddie furrowed his brow.

Now that he thought about it, Buck always said that phrase.

“Make myself useful.”

“Buck, this is your home too.” Eddie stepped towards Buck, blocking his path. “You can help out if you want, but it’s unnecessary.”

“Okay,” Buck said slowly, clearly not convinced.

“And I don’t know why you feel that you need to make yourself useful, but it’s okay just to let yourself be. You’ve had a hellish week. Take a breath, and don’t worry about being useful. Just worry about being okay.”

Buck nodded in contemplation.

Eddie took a deep breath and then pressed onward.

“Can I ask where you get the idea that you have to make yourself useful all the time?” Eddie asked, a gentle note in his voice as he tried to coax Buck to talk. He wanted so badly to reach for Buck’s hand, but he didn’t want to push him too far.

~~

“I guess…” Buck furrowed his brow in thought for a minute before darkness spread across his face. “It was something that my mom always said growing up. She’d always tell me to make myself useful and do something, even if I had already done a million things for her. It was just something she always said.”

Buck let out a wet chuckle, the beginnings of a sob sneaking through at the end. “I guess we now know why she always said that.”

Eddie pulled Buck against him, once again wishing he could rain down hell on the Buckleys for everything they did to Buck.

“She was wrong.” Eddie pressed his cheek against Buck’s cheek as they held each other. “They were all wrong. They were wrong to say it and wrong to keep this from you.”

Buck nodded against Eddie. “I still can’t believe Maddie told Chimney before she told me. It’s a wonder he didn’t spill the beans to half the firehouse.”

Eddie stiffened, remembering what Albert had told him that morning.

“Buck, this morning Albert told me that Chimney had tried to tell him a secret about you,” Eddie said, wishing he didn’t have to say it.

Buck pulled back, wiping his eyes.

“What?” Buck blinked in alarm. “He told Albert?”

“He tried to.” Eddie corrected him. “But Albert ran away before he could. He said he didn’t feel right knowing a secret about you without your consent.”

“At least one of the Han brothers has my back.” Buck pulled further away from Eddie.

“He wants you to call him later.”

“I will.” Buck nodded. “I’ll call him later.”

Eddie nodded at that, running a hand through his hair.

“I’m going to suggest something, and I’m not sure how you’re going to take it.”

“Okay.” Buck looked confused for a second.

“I think we should tell Bobby some of what happened,” Eddie told Buck. “I told your sister not to bother us at work, but that doesn’t mean she’ll listen. And even if she does–”

“Chimney is still a problem, yeah.” Buck nodded in agreement, pulling out his phone.

He powered it back on, wincing at the number of calls and texts that came in.

Eddie watched as Buck navigated to the missed calls list, raising his eyebrows at the amount there.

Thirty calls from Maddie

Fifteen from Chimney.

And multiple calls from two unlisted numbers.

Eddie wondered if that was Buck’s parents.

“Everything okay?” Eddie asked.

“Perfectly fine.” Buck swiped away from his missed calls list.

He dialed Bobby’s number, putting it on speaker so Eddie could hear.

“Hey Buck, everything okay? Chimney has been calling and asking if we’ve heard from you.” Bobby said as soon as he answered.

“Yeah, that’s kinda what we wanted to talk to you about,” Buck said, motioning for Eddie to get closer to the phone. “Eddie’s here too.”

“Everything okay?” Eddie could hear Athena’s voice through the phone.

“I don’t want to get too much into it, but basically–” Eddie started to say before Buck cut in.

“My parents had me as a savior baby for their dying son, and they conspired with Maddie to keep it from me, as well as the existence of my older brother,” Buck said, a blunt edge to his voice.

Buck heard something fall on the other end of the line, and there was silence for a moment.

Buck leaned back against the washing machine, exhaustion to his posture.

Eddie shifted closer to Buck, wishing there was something he could do to make everything better for him.

“What?” Bobby asked.

“That’s horrible,” Athena added. “I can’t believe anyone was fool enough to think that was a good idea.”

“Yeah, but the real problem is that Maddie told Chimney before she told Buck, and based on my conversation with Maddie this morning, I don’t think either of them is going to give Buck the space he needs to process this,” Eddie told them. “I told her not to show up to the firehouse, but even if she doesn’t, Chimney will likely try and force Buck to talk to her.”

“So you want me to schedule him on tasks that would separate the two of them?”

“I’ll do what I can on my end, but it’ll probably be more official coming from you,” Eddie answered.

There was a moment of silence on the line.

“Buck.” Bobby’s voice was soft, as if he was soothing a spooked animal. “Are you sure you even want to come in tomorrow? I can get cover for you and Eddie.”

Eddie looked at Buck, hoping he would take the offer.

He didn’t need to be strong right now.

He could step away and take a breath.

Eddie could be there with him, and the two of them could work all of this out.

Eddie felt that Buck would need more time to come to terms with all of this, no matter how fine he pretended to be.

“Thanks, but I just want to return to normal.” Buck sidled closer to Eddie. “Or at least as close to normal as I can get.”

“Okay. I’ll try not to get involved at work unless it interferes with the job, but I will keep Chimney as far away from you as possible.”

“Thanks, Bobby.”

“Does Maddie know where you’re staying?” Althena asked, getting down to business. “I assume you aren’t at the apartment.”

“I stopped by Buck’s place to grab his things and ran into Maddie when I was there,” Eddie told her. “I made it seem like Buck was still there and that I was staying with him to make sure she left him alone.”

“She didn’t ask about where Chris was?”

“I told her he was with family, and I had all the time in the world to keep her out.” Eddie shrugged. “It worked.”

Buck turned to face Eddie, his lips parted in surprise.

Eddie motioned that he’d talk to Buck about that later, and Buck begrudgingly let it slide.

“Albert told me he’d keep up the ruse so Buck could get some space.” Eddie rolled his eyes. “Chimney tried to spill the beans to Albert first, but Albert wouldn’t let him.”

“That’s not surprising. Chim is why we stopped doing surprise parties and Secret Santa.” Bobby mused.

“We used to do Secret Santa?” Buck asked, confused.

“We tried the year before you got here, but we left Chimney in charge of the names,” Bobby said, eliciting groans from everyone.

“Okay, so back on track.” Athena retook control of the conversation. “You boys think you’re good on the Maddie front?”

“I don’t think she’ll give up, but she doesn’t know where I am.” Buck’s eyes sparkled as he looked at Eddie. “I’m safe here.”

“I’ve got his back, like always,” Eddie told them.

“Okay, and we’ve got yours too, Buck. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” Bobby hung up the phone, leaving Buck and Eddie pressed against each other in the laundry room.

“You told Maddie Chris was with family?” Buck asked, his voice soft as he gazed at Eddie.

“Yeah, of course,” Eddie told him. “Buck, you’ve been our family since you stepped into our lives.”

Buck huffed at that.

“How can you just say that? How can you trust me so easily with your son?”

“Buck, I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.” Eddie brought his hand up to cup Buck’s face. “There’s no one in this world I trust with my son more than you.”

Buck started to move closer, but before Edie could do much more than tilt his head, Chris called for them from the next room.

“Dad, Buck! Do you want to watch a movie?”

Buck jerked away like he had been electrocuted.

“I’ll make popcorn!”

Buck hustled from the room, leaving Eddie standing there in disbelief.

Did that seriously just happen?

“You even brought over my popcorn maker?” Eddie heard Buck ask in disbelief. “Man, you’re thorough.”

~~

Later that night, after Chris fell asleep during Atlantis: The Lost Empire, Buck made as if to shift Chris into Eddie’s arms.

“Why don’t you put him to bed?” Eddie offered.

A wonder-filled expression came over Buck’s face.

“Can I?” He asked hesitantly.

Eddie nodded, motioning for Buck to do so.

Buck gingerly lifted Chris into his arms, carrying him like the most precious package in the world.

Eddie followed at a distance, watching from the door as Buck gently tucked Chris into bed, taking his glasses and putting them on the table beside his bed.

Eddie’s heart warmed as he saw Buck carefully selecting the stuffed animals that would go on Chris’ bed.

“You’re good at this,” Eddie said in a hushed voice as Buck exited the room.

Buck blushed, the red slowly creeping across his cheeks and down his neck.

“Yeah?” He asked before adding, “I’m nothing compared to you.”

“It’s not a contest,” Eddie told him. “You’re good with Chris, always have been.”

Buck smiled and nodded at Eddie before going into Eddie’s room.

Or, their room now.

That was going to take some getting used to.

~~

Later that night, Eddie watched as Buck slept.

The tension from the day had finally bled from Buck’s face, and he seemed at peace for the first time all day.

Eddie wished it could last forever.

He wished he could keep Buck from harm and anything bad happening to him.

He deserved the best.

He deserved to be with someone amazing and wonderful.

Buck deserved better than him,

Eddie knew that deep down.

But that didn’t stop him from loving Buck, even from a distance.

Even if that was all it would ever be.

Chapter 7:

The next day, Buck drove to work with Eddie.

He had managed to keep it together all morning, from breakfast with Chris to dropping Chris off at school.

But now that Chris was out of the car, Buck was losing his mind.

What was going to happen today?

What was Chimney going to do?

What if Maddie showed up?

Or worse: what if his parents showed up?

Buck didn’t think he could handle that.

He wished he had taken Bobby up on that day off.

He could be at home with Eddie right now instead of driving into a situation where anything could happen.

His knee bounced out of beat with the music, his entire body unsettled down to his soul.

At a stoplight, Eddie took his hand.

Every motion in his body instantly stilled, his face turning to Eddie.

“It’s going to be okay.” Eddie rubbed a circle onto the back of Buck’s hand with his thumb. “I’m going to be there with you all day, and I’ll have your back.”

“Okay.” Buck nodded. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me.” Eddie looked back at the road as the light turned green, the car cutting through the Los Angeles traffic. “I’m always going to have you back.”

Eddie had to let go of Buck’s hand to grasp the steering wheel, Buck immediately missing the sensation of Eddie’s palm against his.

Buck curled into the passenger seat, smiling slightly out the window.

Eddie was always there for him, even with his whole world falling down around him.

And that, at least, was something he could count on.

~~

When they pulled into the parking lot, Buck scanned for any sight of Maddie.

He relaxed slightly when he saw no sign of her, but his frame remained tense when he saw Chimney at the steps of the firehouse, pacing like a caged animal.

“Here we go,” Buck muttered under his breath.

“It’ll be okay.” Eddie clasped Buck’s hand once more. “I’ll make sure of it.”

Buck got out of the car, immediately aware of Chimney’s eyes locking onto him with the precision of a heat-seeking missile.

He could see the other guy stop pacing and position himself right at the entrance to the firehouse.

Eddie stuck close to Buck’s side as they walked towards the door, Buck tensing even more.

“Buck, you got a minute?” Chimney asked as they approached him, hand already out to guide Buck away so they could talk.

Buck resisted the urge to shy back from his touch.

“Not now, Han.” Eddie tersely told him, his hand on Buck’s back steering him away from Chimney.

Buck was so grateful for Eddie at that moment.

He didn’t know what he would do if he wasn’t there.

The two of them had changed into their uniforms at home to avoid the locker room, so they went straight up to the loft.

Buck was betting Chimney wouldn’t try to talk to him under Bobby’s watchful eye, and he was right.

Buck could feel Chimney’s eyes on him all through breakfast.

Hen and Bobby tried to carry the conversation, Eddie chiming in at times.

Buck stayed silent and tried to ignore Chimney staring at him while he ate.

Not that he could eat anything anyway.

Eddie made him eat a piece of toast this morning with Chris, but Buck was too anxious to eat anything now.

Eddie remained a comforting presence by Buck’s side, and it made Buck feel a little better.

Buck jumped up as soon as breakfast was done, eager to escape the awkwardness and get to work.

“Buck, can I get your help doing inventory on the ambulance?” Chimney asked.

Buck didn’t get a chance to respond before Bobby stepped in.

“I need you to do paperwork this morning,” Bobby told Chimney, clapping a hand on his shoulder. “As the most senior paramedic, dozens of reports need finalizing. Buck, why don’t you help Eddie wash the truck?”

“You got it, Cap.” Buck smiled, moving to the stairs.

Chimney sighed, following Bobby to his office.

Buck breathed a sigh of relief as he followed Eddie downstairs.

“What was that about?” Hen asked.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Buck kept his eyes on the task before him as he gathered the materials to wash the truck.

“Don’t give me that Buckaroo.” Hen put herself in front of him, forcing Buck to look at her. “First Chimney acts all squirrely this week, and now you won’t even look at him? What’s wrong?”

“Hen, I don’t think Buck wants to discuss it.” Eddie stepped up next to Buck.

“Well, I’d like to hear that from him.” Hen raised an eyebrow at Buck, the light glinting off her cat-eye glasses.

“I’m not ready to talk about it.” Buck managed to say. “All I’ll say is that Chimney and I are at a bit of an impasse, and he’s been trying to get me to see his side recently.”

Hen softened her stance, leaning towards Buck.

“Are you okay?”

“I will be.” Buck forced a smile. “I just need some space from him right now. Bobby and Eddie are helping with that, and we’re trying not to let it affect work.”

“Okay.” Hen nodded. “If you need my help, just let me know.”

“I will.” Buck nodded slightly.

“Thanks, Hen.” Eddie grabbed the buckets and filled them with water as Hen walked away to do inventory.

“This is going to be a long day.” Buck groaned as he picked up a sponge.

“That’s for sure. Are you going to be okay?”

“Only if people stop asking me that.” Buck quipped before flinching slightly. “I’m sorry for being snappish–”

“Buck, you have earned the right to be snappish,” Eddie told him. “You don’t have to apologize, and you’re allowed to be fed up with people asking how you feel.”

Eddie huffed out a long breath. “After Shannon died, I got so tired of people asking me how I was, or if I needed anything, or if there was anything they could do for me.” Eddie winced as he picked up a sponge. “I even snapped at Abuela and Tía Pepa when they came by one day.”

“And you’re still alive?” Buck’s eyes widened.

“Just barely,” Eddie smirked at him. “I realized what I did and immediately apologized. My tía told me that when you’re hurting, it’s understandable to lash out when you’re feeling vulnerable.”

“Like how wounded animals are on the attack,” Buck said, remembering a documentary he watched with Chris last week.

“You and Chris loved that nature documentary.” Eddie chuckled at him.

“It was fun and educational!” Buck told him. “We’re going to watch another soon.”

“Anyway, my point is,” Eddie said, looking over at Buck as he climbed up to wash the windows. “I get it. So if you need to be snarky or snappish, bring it on, Buckley. I can handle it.”

“Thanks, Eddie.” Buck leaned down to wet his sponge before a thought crossed his mind.

He smirked, keeping his movements casual.

“But can you handle this?”

As Eddie turned to Buck, he got hit in the face with a wet sponge.

Hen whooped in glee from the ambulance as the sponge slipped down Eddie’s chest, leaving a trail of sudsy water in its wake.

“Just so you know,” Eddie said as he raised the hem of his shirt to dry his face. “I’ll be getting you back for that.”

“Looking forward to it,” Buck murmured, momentarily transfixed by Eddie’s glistening abs as his shirt was lifted to wipe his face.

“You okay there, Buck?” Eddie sounded amused, and Buck realized he was still staring.

“Yep. Totally fine, just lost my train of thought for a second.” Buck quickly got back to work, avoiding looking at his best friend after realizing he was just openly ogling him.

‘Keep it together, Buckley.’ He said to himself, furiously scrubbing the truck. ‘Emotional trauma is not an excuse to ogle your straight best friend.’

~~

The rest of the morning passed pretty… quickly.

Buck would not risk saying the Q word after what happened last night, but things were going okay.

Chimney had been kept in the office for most of the morning doing paperwork, and Buck felt that knot of tension that had been sitting between his shoulder blades all morning slowly loosen with every passing minute.

Right before lunch, they got called out to a small kitchen fire.

Chimney tried to sit next to Buck in the engine, but he was blocked by Eddie, who muscled his way into his usual seat.

Instead, Chimney sat directly across from Buck, his eyes locked on him.

After Bobby gave them the rundown of the call and assigned them their tasks, it was silent in the cab.

That only lasted for another minute or so.

“So Buck–” Chimney started to get out before Buck ripped the headset off his head.

Hen’s eyes were wide as she kept glancing between Chimney and Buck, startled by the savagery of Buck’s motion.

Bobby, who had turned around when Chimney started talking, locked eyes with Buck.

He raised an eyebrow, the “Are you okay” practically being screamed in the silence.

Buck nodded slightly.

He was as okay as he could be, even if the deafening noise of the engine was hurting his ears.

He’d take that over having to talk about the Maddie situation any day.

Eddie glanced over at him, seeming to read Buck’s emotions on his face.

He simply scooted closer to Buck, Buck leaning into his frame.

Buck stared out the window for the rest of the drive.

He didn’t put the headset on again.

~~

When they got to the call, Buck immediately went off with Eddie to check the structure.

Everyone had gotten out, so they just put out the remaining fire and came back out.

“That was…oddly easy,” Buck said as they evacuated the building.

“Are you saying you hoped for a massive structure fire?” Eddie raised an eyebrow at him and bumped his shoulder with his own.

“Of course not,” Buck told him. “I’ve just been feeling like the other shoe is going to drop all day, so I’m a little on edge.”

As they returned their gear to the engine, Chimney popped up next to Buck like a jack-in-the-box from Hell.

“Hey Buck, look–”

“Did you need something, Chimney?” Eddie immediately budged in between Buck and Chimney.

“What?” Chimney looked startled, but then annoyance took over his features. “No–”

“So this isn’t work-related?”

“No, But–”

“Let’s try and keep all conversations work-related today, okay?” Eddie asked, turning his back to Buck as he fully faced Chimney.

Buck couldn’t see Chimney’s reaction, but based on the huffing and shifting of his feet, Buck could tell he was annoyed.

“118, let’s move out,” Bobby called out at that minute, leaving them all to scramble into the truck.

“Let me know if Bobby says anything I need to know,” Buck said as he climbed in after Eddie.

“You got it,” Eddie said, helping Buck close the door after he got in.

Chimney had an expectant look as Buck sat down, which turned to annoyance as the headset remained unused for the rest of the trip back to the station.

Buck rushed out of the engine when it stopped, blinking in surprise to see Athena standing in the loft.

“Athena?” Buck asked with his head cocked in confusion. “What are you doing here?”

“I had some free time and thought I’d come by and have lunch with you. Want to help me get everything ready?”

Buck looked at Bobby hopefully. “Can I?”

“Sure.” Buck cheered and started off to the rack to put away his turnouts.

“Hen and Chimney, you restock the truck. After that, you can help Eddie with the inventory.”

Buck heard everyone else groan behind him and only felt a little bad for getting Eddie stuck with inventory.

Luckily he’d get some help: restocking the truck wouldn’t take long with two extra people.

Buck neared the stove, paling when he saw what was cooking there.

“That’s your brisket.”

“Yes, it is.” Athena looked pleased with his reaction.

“You made brisket.”

“Yes, I did.”

“But you never make brisket on a whim. It’s always for special occasions.” Buck was confused. “Did you do this all for me?”

Athena sidled up to Buck, wrapping her arms around him.

“Maybe I just got it in my head after last night’s call that you could do with some cheering up.” She hugged him. “And then I got here and saw Maddie hanging around and realized you could probably do with a lot of cheering up.”

Buck tensed. “She was here.”

He didn’t bother phrasing it as a question.

He knew Athena wouldn’t lie to him about this.

Athena nodded. “She stopped by on her way to work. She was going to hang around for you, but I talked her out of it.”

“Great. Good to know she didn’t listen to Eddie.” Buck muttered.

“Well, she’ll listen to me,” Athena said firmly. “I told her that I got that she was hurting, but that you were hurting too, and you needed some space. And then I told her she needed to respect that you had to come to terms with having a brother, losing a brother, and having your entire family history be a lie and that the least she could do was leave you alone to deal with that.

“And she understood?”

“She seemed to.” Athena sighed. “Only time will tell.”

Buck hesitated for a minute and then asked the question that had been weighing on his mind.

“How did she seem to you?”

Athena sighed. “She seemed heartbroken. I got the feeling that she was regretting her choices.”

Buck pulled away from Athena, moving to the counter.

He leaned against the counter, his arms loosely crossed over his chest.

“What would you do?” Buck asked, looking at Athena. “If you were me, what would you do in this situation?”

“I don’t know,” she said softly, coming to stand by him. “I can’t answer that for you. Only you know what you’re ready to handle.”

“I just want to get through this shift.” Buck sighed. “We have the next two days off. I just need to make it through this shift.”

“Well, all right.” Athena squeezed him one more time before letting go. “Hopefully, this meal gives you the strength you need.”

“What do you need me to do?” Buck asked

“Just help grate the cheese for the baked mac and cheese. I already have the noodles boiling, and I just need to make the roux.”

Buck gaped at her. “You have Bobby’s baked mac and cheese recipe? He always swore he would never tell anyone the recipe. How do you have it?”

“I’m the man’s wife and have my ways.” Athena looked amused at him before lowering her voice. “And I have the recipe written down over on that table where I won’t see anything that happens for a good few minutes.”

“As unbelievably tempting as that is, I couldn’t take one of Bobby’s recipes without his knowledge. It wouldn’t be fair.” Buck told her, looking longingly at the table where it was.

He loved that mac and cheese, but he loved having fun cooking with Bobby more.

If Bobby learned he took the recipe, he’d never trust him again.

And Buck couldn’t bear that.

Athena started to grin, throwing Buck off kilter.

“Why are you smiling?” Buck asked warily.

“Because I knew you’d say that.” Buck heard Bobby say behind him.

Buck whirled around, eyes wide with shock.

Bobby smiled in amusement at Buck’s antics as he moved to stand beside his wife.

“Athena wanted to give you the recipe, but I told her you wouldn’t take it from her and that I should give it to you instead. She wanted to test that.”

“I’m surprised you passed.” Athena snorted. “Last game night, Michael tried to sniff it out when he went to refill his drink, and I found him with his head in the back of the pantry.”

Buck laughed at that, but then turned to Bobby.

“Why are you giving me this?” Buck asked. “You always said it was an old family recipe.”

“It is.” Bobby put a hand on Buck’s shoulder. “So I’m teaching it to my family.”

Buck’s eyes filled with tears as he realized what Bobby was saying.

“I know your parents have let you down, and I’m sorry,” Bobby told him. “But you’ve always been like a son to me, and I thought now was a good time to let you know that.”

“Definitely a good time,” Buck said with a watery smile.

He and Bobby had always had a close relationship, even with the lawsuit, and Buck would be lying if he said that he hadn’t wished it was more than that.

The Springsteen concert they went to, the hours they spent cooking together… Buck had always longed for a parent to share those memories with.

He had long put away that desire and tried not to make his relationship with Bobby into something that it wasn’t.

He knew he could be needy and didn’t want to ruin what he had at the 118.

But hearing from Bobby that he felt the same way? That was precisely what he needed to hear.

“Okay.” Bobby nodded, clapping Buck on the shoulder. “Now dry your eyes and get to grating the cheese. We’ve got a lot of work to do.”

Buck grinned as he washed his hands.

As profoundly shitty as the last few days have been, things were going better today.

~~

By the time lunch was ready, Buck was feeling a lot better, and he was the proud new owner of Bobby’s baked mac and cheese recipe.

He couldn’t wait to make it for Chris.

He would be over the moon for it. Buck just knew it would be a hit for dinner.

He tried to ignore the part of him that said to stop planning family dinners when he wasn’t part of the family.

This was his family, even if all he was was Eddie’s friend.

And that would be enough for him.

It had to be.

Chimney sat at the other end of the table without complaint when they sat down for lunch, catching Buck off guard.

He’d been trying to get to Buck all day. Why was he giving up so easily?

Ignoring the pit in his stomach, Buck dug into lunch with gusto, easily clearing his plate twice.

“Athena, I’ve said it before, and I’ll repeat it: your brisket is heavenly.” Hen moaned after taking a bite.

“It’s incredible, and with Bobby’s mac and cheese?” Eddie took another bite, swallowing before speaking again. “This is a match made in heaven.”

“Just like us.” Bobby smiled at Athena, taking her hand.

Athena cooed at him, squeezing his hand.

The rest of the team made gagging noises until Bobby waved them off.

“I think I’m going to have to be rolled home.” Buck joked.

“No one told you to eat the second plate.” Eddie teased him.

Buck was about to fire a retort when Chimney cut in, saying his first words all lunch.

“And where exactly is home for you these days?” Chimney asked with an annoyed tone in his voice. “Despite Albert claiming you’ve been at the loft, your car hasn’t been parked outside.”

“Is this relevant?” Eddie asked.

“You drove past my building to look for my jeep?” Buck asked, amazed that he went to such lengths.”That’s a little creepy.”

“Your sister is worried,” Chimney told him, neglecting to answer the question. He motioned around the table. “Everyone has circled the wagons around you, but what about her? She’s pregnant, and this kind of stress isn’t good for the baby.”

“And ambushing me at work isn’t good for my stress either, Chim.”

“Stop being a child about this!” Chimney raised his voice, shocking everyone. “Why can’t you just do this for your sister? She’s done so much for you!”

“Okay, guys, this isn’t the right place for this conversation.” Bobby tried to get in between the two of them.

“I couldn’t agree more,” Hen said, gathering up the plates. “Chim, want to help me with the dishes?”

Buck went downstairs, assuming Chimney would be at the sink with Hen.

He was wrong.

Chimney pushed past him, blocking Buck from going down the stairs.

“Buck, I know you’re hurting, but so is she.” Chimney’s eyes were wide with desperation, giving Buck pause. “She wanted so badly to tell you-”

“But she didn’t!” Buck told him. “She had plenty of chances to. She could have even told me the night I left Hershey instead of just bailing on coming with me.”

“You don’t know anything about that night,” Chimney shouted at him. “She bailed on you because Doug found out and made her too scared to leave!”

Buck staggered into the handrail, sick to his stomach.

All these years, he thought she had just decided not to come when Doug likely punished her for trying to leave.

It was a blow to the system that Buck wasn’t expecting.

Chimney took advantage of Buck’s silence and pressed onward.

“Look, I get where you’re coming from. When she told me, I was shocked too. I wanted to tell you–”

“But you didn’t!” Buck finally cut Chimney off. “You keep saying you wanted to tell me, but you didn’t. We were working together all week, and you were acting oddly. You knew what was going on, and you still kept silent! So don’t say you wanted to tell me when you didn’t.”

Chim opened and closed his mouth.

“Please, I have been asking for space.” Buck was practically begging at this point, but he didn’t care. “When Albert came into town, and you needed time to come to terms with everything, he stayed at my place for a night, so you got the space you needed. Why can’t I get the space I need?”

“Maybe we should take this somewhere more private?” Chimney asked, motioning around the open firehouse.

Buck hadn’t even noticed.

He was laser-focused on this right now.

“Do you think I care that other people will know?” Buck scoffed at him. “Eddie knows. I told him as soon as I found out. Bobby and Athena know because I told them. The only person who doesn’t know is Hen, who has already told me without knowing the details that she would help give me the space I have asked for to process that my entire family lied to me for twenty-eight years!”

“I told Maddie–”

“I don’t care what you told Maddie!” Buck was seething, all the emotions of the last two days piling up. “You sat through those dinners with my parents treating me like your father treats you, and you knew why that was. You knew why they were always so absent in my life, why I didn’t even merit a goddamn baby box like Maddie did. You saw the look on my face when they gave Maddie hers, and you still didn’t say anything! Instead, you tried to tell my roommate my family secret instead of telling me.”

Chimney paled.

“Yeah.” Buck nodded, seeing the look on Chimney’s face. “Albert told me. And considering how bad you are at keeping secrets, I’m surprised he’s the only person you told, or at least tried to tell.”

Buck saw something shift in Chimney’s face, and his blood ran cold.

“Wait…” It dawned on him. “You told someone else.”

He tried to think of who it could be.

“It couldn’t be anyone here. They were all shocked.” He mused.

“Buck-” Chimney was pale, but Buck ignored him.

He had to figure this out.

“And I already know that you tried to tell Albert.”

“Wait–”

“Was it someone on a call?” Buck asked aloud and dismissed the idea just as quickly. “When would you have had time to tell–”

And then it all became sickeningly clear.

The only time Chimney could have told someone.

Buck took a deep breath, his stomach threatening to turn against him.

“You told the bomber, didn’t you?”

Chapter 8:

What little color was in Chimney’s face drained at that moment.

Buck’s stomach twisted into more knots than an old-school pair of Apple earbuds.

He staggered past Chimney. The other man moved out of the way, trailing after Buck like a lost puppy.

Buck didn’t care anymore.

Buck leaned against the glass wall of the locker room, his heart racing.

“Buck, are you okay?” Chimney asked.

“Give him some space.” Eddie moved to block Chimney

Chimney told the bomber.

That’s why the bomber was laughing at him.

A complete stranger knew intimate details about Buck’s life before Buck did.

“How could you do this to me?” Buck finally managed to ask.

“What do you mean?” Chimney looked apprehensive.

Buck scoffed at his feigned ignorance and looked him in the eyes.

“You not only kept a secret from me about my life, you actively told it to a criminal instead of telling me.” Buck knocked his head back against the glass, the dull thud resonating through his skull.

“Buck, I’m so sorry.” Chimney had a stricken look, still not moving toward Buck. “Keeping the secret was killing me; I just needed to tell someone.”

Buck heard Bobby and Hen gasp at that.

“You could have told me.” Buck forced back the tears that he knew were forming. “You should have told me.”

“Maddie asked me not to.” Chimney finally said after a long moment.

Buck looked at him.

The look on Chimney’s face made it clear that he knew that was the wrong thing to say.

“Are you seriously telling me,” Buck started as he pushed himself off the wall, “That three years of friendship means nothing to you compared to your relationship with my sister?”

“I’m not saying that.” Chimney immediately said.

“So why can’t you see my side in this?” Buck took a few steps further, bridging the gap between him and Chimney.

“I am seeing your side, Buck–”

“No!” And just like that, Buck was angry. “If you were seeing my side, you would give me the space I asked for! You would tell Maddie to leave me alone and back off! But instead, you and Maddie think you know what’s best for me, and you don’t.”

“Buck, please,” Chimney said. “Just calm down.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down.” Buck tried to push past Chimney, but the other man grabbed his arm.

“Let go of me.” Buck forced out.

“No, we need to talk about this. Maddie—”

“I don’t want to hear about Maddie. I want to deal with this without you and her breathing down my neck!”

“Buck, just listen to me—”

“Just leave me alone!” Buck shouted, Eddie immediately at his side.

“Buck, let’s take a breath and calm down,” Eddie said.

Buck looked down at his hands and realized he’d been clenching them the entire time.

He staggered back, realizing what it must have looked like.

“Okay.” Bobby finally stepped in. “It’s clear that nothing is getting resolved today.”

Buck nodded at that, Eddie still at his side.

“Buck, Eddie, you both go home. You have the next two days off after this. See you at your next shift. I’ll call for cover.”

“Cap, I can stay,” Buck argued.

“No.” Bobby shot that down. “You need time to deal with all this. Let me give you that.”

Buck looked at Eddie, who nodded slightly.

“Okay.” Buck deflated. Thank you.”

Buck and Eddie turned as one to go to the locker room.

“Meanwhile, I think we need to talk about revealing private information about our teammates to complete strangers.” Buck heard Athena say behind him.

“And then we’re going to talk about bringing your personal issues to work and putting hands on your teammates.”

He didn’t stick around to see Chimney’s reaction.

Within five minutes, Buck and Eddie were in Eddie’s truck on the way home.

Everything was silent for a minute until Buck spoke.

“I wouldn’t have hit him.”

“I know that.”

“No, I’m serious.” Buck insisted, looking at Eddie. “I know I talked a lot of crap the other day about wanting to hit something, but I would never have hit Chimney. No matter how upset I was, I would never lay my hand on anyone, much less a friend.”

“Buck.” The car stopped at a red light, and Eddie turned to look at him. “I know you wouldn’t. That was never a concern of mine.”

“Then why did you get between us?” Buck asked.

“I thought you needed to take a breath,” Eddie told him. “I thought if you kept going, you might say something you would regret.”

“That’s fair.” Buck settled against the seat, looking out the window.

“He still shouldn’t have grabbed you.”

“Not like it’s the first time anyone from the 118 has gotten physical with me.” Buck snorted, Eddie going still next to him.

“What.” Eddie didn’t phrase it as a question, and Buck could hear the anger in his voice.

“During my probie year, Bobby threw me against a wall for snooping in his journal.” Buck shrugged.

It wasn’t something that was brought up, but he didn’t see a reason to hide it.

Even if he wasn’t proud of how he acted back then.

“Bobby hit you?” Eddie was furious. “That’s not okay!”

“I get that, but it’s all in the past, and he would never do it again,” Buck told Eddie. “It wasn’t a big deal, and we talked it all out a week or so after it happened. He agreed he was wrong to do it, and I agreed I was wrong to invade his privacy in the first place.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

“Eddie, we both did something wrong, and we worked to make it right.” Buck pointed out. “I won’t say it was easy making sure our friendship survived it, but we both made amends and admitted that we were wrong. We moved past it, and now we’re all good.”

The look on Eddie’s face told Buck he disagreed with that, but thankfully he let it go.

The car was silent again until Eddie spoke.

“I’m not going to tell you what to do, but I think you need to call Doctor Copeland. Maddie and Chimney aren’t going to leave you alone, and it would be good to get some tools for setting boundaries.”

Buck looked over at Eddie and then shrugged.

“I think so, too.” he finally said. “I’ll call her today and see if she can meet tomorrow.”

Buck didn’t say anything else for the rest of the drive, no matter how many worried looks Eddie shot him.

~~

Buck tried to keep a happy face for Chris when he got home from school and kept that up throughout dinner.

He made an appointment with Doctor Copeland for the next day: he just needed to make it through until that.

He had to do it.

No other option.

When Chris went to bed, Eddie tugged at his arm.

“We should talk.” Eddie gestured to the living room, and Buck followed him.

“I know you’ve got an appointment with Copeland, but I’m worried about you.” Buck sat down on the couch next to Eddie. “I thought you might like to talk about what Chimney said.”

“It’s a little eerie how in touch with your emotions you are.” Buck tried to change the subject.

“I may have been required to see Frank for street fighting, but I learned a lot,” Eddie told him. “Now stop dodging the subject.”

“It’s just….” Buck sighed. “As childish as it sounds, Chimney was my friend first. I knew him for a year before he met Maddie, and as soon as they started dating, it was like they could only see each other’s side in any conflict. When the lawsuit happened, Maddie was upset at me for trying to go back too soon and using Chimney’s past as part of my argument. She didn’t even stop to consider that I was right.”

“And now Chimney is doing the same thing.” Eddie nodded in understanding.

“He even said that he knew I had a point and was still pushing for me to talk to Maddie.”

Buck leaned back into the couch. “I just wish that being my friend was enough for him, and I wish I was enough for everybody.”

“You are enough, Buck,” Eddie told him.

“No. I’m never enough for anyone.” Buck said, getting up and pacing. “I wasn’t enough for my parents, not after I got their favorite son killed.”

“You didn’t get him killed.”

“To them, I did.” Buck fired back. “And then I wasn’t enough for Chimney since he decided his friendship with me wasn’t as important as his relationship with my sister. And the same goes for my sister. I’m never enough for anyone.”

Buck flopped back down on the couch, and all was quiet until Eddie spoke.

“What about me?”

“What about you?” Buck asked.

“Do you think you’re not enough for me and Chris?”

“I don’t mean like that, Eddie,” Buck said, turning towards him. “I just meant that I’m never that one person that someone absolutely needs. I know you and Chris like having me around, but–”

“It’s more than that.” Eddie stopped him, taking a deep breath.

“Do you remember the incident from last year with the well?”

“Yeah, how could I forget?” Buck answered, wondering where Eddie was going with this.

“Well, afterward… It got me thinking. What would happen to Christopher if I hadn’t made it home?”

“But you did.”

“But next time, I might not,” Eddie told him. “And then Lena sent me this video of you trying to dig me out by hand.”

Buck flushed.

He knew what video that was.

“You never mentioned you saw it,” Buck said, trying to keep his voice even. “That’s a little embarrassing.”

“It wasn’t embarrassing,” Eddie assured him. “But it did make me think about a lot.”

Buck wondered where Eddie was going with this.

A treacherous part of him whispered that this was when Eddie would tell Buck he wasn’t enough and that he had to leave.

Buck forced that part of him down.

Eddie would never do that.

Not to him.

Right?

“So I went to my attorney and changed my will,” Eddie said, clasping his hands together.

“So, someday, if I didn’t make it… Christopher would be taken care of.”

Buck nodded along with that until the next two words stopped him cold.

“By you.”

Buck stiffened, looking at Eddie with his eyes wide.

“What?”

Buck must have misheard him.

That was the only explanation.

There was no way that Eddie had said that.

Not at all.

“It’s in my will. If I die, you become Christopher’s legal guardian.” Eddie said, looking straight at Buck.

Except that he did.

“Uh…” Buck didn’t know what to say. “I mean, how does that even work? Don’t-don’t you need my consent?”

Eddie shrugged. “My attorney said you could refuse.”

Buck immediately started shaking his head, and then it hit him.

“You knew I wouldn’t,” he said, not intending for it to be a question.

“Nah, I knew you wouldn’t.” Eddie had the ghost of a smirk on his face.

Buck snorted but then turned serious.

“Are you sure about this, Eddie?” Buck asked. “I mean, he has grandparents, aunts, tons of other family members.”

Eddie chuckled at that.

“Yeah.” Eddie sighed. “After Shannon left, they all tried to guilt me into giving Christopher to them. It’s not what I wanted then, and it’s not what I want now.”

“If it came to that, w-wouldn’t they fight for him?” Buck asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe.” Eddie thought for a minute and then nodded. “Probably.”

Buck snorted at that, and Eddie took one of his hands.

“But no one will ever fight for my son as hard as you.” Eddie stared intently at Buck. “That is what I want for him.”

Buck needed help thinking of what to say next.

Eddie’s hand felt like a firebrand against his skin, warming his very soul.

Buck then thought of something that didn’t make sense to him.

“Well, you said you did this last year.” Eddie nodded at that, and Buck pushed forward. “Why are you just telling me now?”

“Because, Evan,” Buck’s eyes widened as Eddie used his name for the first time. “You came in here today, and you said you were never enough for anyone. I’m telling you that you’re wrong. You act like you’re expendable, but you’re wrong. You have been enough for Chris and me since the moment that we met you. You will always be exactly what we need and far more than we deserve.”

Buck felt tears well up in his eyes again.

“You’re enough, Buck. You have always been enough.”

And with that, Buck broke.

Eddie pulled him in for a hug as Buck started to sob.

Buck shuddered in Eddie’s grip, tears streaming down his face.

That was the first time anyone made him feel like he was enough.

The first time he had been shown how much he meant to someone.

Eddie made him Chris’ legal guardian.

Who just does that?

It took what felt like an eternity for Buck to calm down.

He was sure he had cried more in the last five days than in his entire life.

Finally, his heart slowed, and he felt like he could breathe again.

After a long moment, Buck pulled back.

He wiped his eyes, ready to apologize for breaking down like that.

Eddie was a good friend, but that didn’t excuse Buck freaking out on him so many times in a week.

Before he could, Eddie got up and started grabbing blankets.

“Okay, want to watch a movie?”

Buck felt whiplash from how quickly Eddie changed the subject.

“What?”

“Well, today has sucked, and I figure a movie will help us take our minds off everything,” Eddie explained as he put the blankets on the couch. “Chris wants to watch The Greatest Showman, but I need to watch it first to make sure it’s appropriate for him because even if it’s PG, I want to make sure. Want to make some popcorn and watch it with me?”

“Um, sure.” Buck asked, tilting his head in confusion. “Do you pre-watch every movie for Chris?”

“Most of them.” Eddie grinned. “Now that you live here, you can watch them with me.”

Buck ignored the warmth in his stomach at those words, instead getting off the couch.

“Thank you for trusting me with your son.” Buck blurted out, wincing when he realized what that sounded like. “I just meant–”

“Buck.” Eddie gave him a soft smile. “I know what you meant. And like I’ve said before, there’s no one in the world I would trust more with my son.”

Buck didn’t know what to say to that.

He was as speechless as the last time Eddie had said that to him.

He just nodded before padding into the kitchen to make the popcorn.

As he looked around, he realized just how much of his stuff Eddie had brought over.

His favorite mugs.

His spice rack.

His air fryer.

Everything meshed so well with what Eddie already had.

Buck had to be careful.

He could get way too comfortable here.

He needed to remember that no matter what Eddie said, this couldn’t last forever.

Eddie was eventually going to date again, and his new girlfriend would not be cool with Buck so enmeshed in Eddie’s life.

Buck needed to keep that in mind, no matter how much he wanted to believe otherwise.

Buck finished popping the popcorn, pouring it into a bowl before grabbing the butter flavoring Eddie kept in the tall cabinet.

He put a light dusting on the popcorn, following it with a slight dusting of parmesan cheese.

Eddie loved cheese on his popcorn, and Buck had to admit that the taste had grown on him.

Buck grabbed two beers, uncapping them both before grabbing the popcorn bowl and the box of Milk Duds in the cabinet.

After second thought, he also grabbed the Sour Patch Kids.

They might as well go all out. They deserved it after the day they had.

“So why did Chris say he wanted to watch it?” Buck asked as he carried out the snacks.

“I’m not sure.” Eddie accepted the beer and Milk Duds, giving Buck a warm smile. “He just came home from school one day and said he wanted to watch it.”

“Maybe one of his friends recommended it.” Buck paused as an evil thought entered his brain. “Or maybe Chris has a crush, and she mentioned it.”

“What?” Eddie looked like he’d just been slapped. “Chris is too young to have a crush.”

“If you say so,” Buck said in a singsong voice, sitting beside Eddie.

“Can you go back to feeling sad? It was less annoying.” Eddie said, elbowing him lightly.

“Nah, I don’t think I will.” Buck nudged Eddie back.

Eddie rolled his eyes as he threw the blanket over their laps.

As the movie started, Eddie made a noise of surprise.

“What’s wrong?” Buck looked over at Eddie.

“Nothing, it’s just….” Eddie trailed off. “You put parmesan cheese on the popcorn.”

“Well, you like it like that,” Buck said, not understanding the problem. “I just didn’t do it last night because Chris doesn’t like the taste.”

“Okay,” Eddie said, taking another handful.

“Are we good?” Buck asked.

“We’re great.’” Eddie smiled into his beer, grabbing the milk duds from the coffee table.

Buck turned back to the TV, wondering what that was about.

~~

As the movie progressed, Buck found himself enjoying it more and more.

He wasn’t aware that it was a musical, but Hugh Jackman was great in everything, so Buck was a fan of it.

Halfway through, there was a song that spoke to Buck.v

I’m trying to hold my breath.

Let it stay this way

Can’t let this moment end.

Buck looked over at Eddie, who was intently watching the screen.

This,

This moment right here, with everything quiet and still.

That was all Buck wanted out of life.

He wished he could stay in this moment forever.

Take my hand.

Will you share this with me?

‘Cause darling, without you

All of a sudden, Buck felt Eddie’s hand knock against his.

Buck resisted the urge to grab it, not wanting to spook Eddie.

Instead, he glanced at the other man, finding him wholly engrossed in the movie.

Buck should have moved his hand.

He knew that he should.

And yet, he just wanted to sit in that moment and pretend that Eddie was holding his hand for real.

More than anything, Buck wanted that to be real.

All the shine of a thousand spotlights

All the stars we steal from the night sky

Will never be enough.

Never be enough.

Towers of gold are still too little.

These hands could hold the world, but it’ll

Never be enough.

Buck smiled as he let the lyrics wash over him.

He didn’t know exactly what was happening, but in this moment, he was at peace.

Because, for once, he felt like he was enough for someone else.

And that meant more than anything else in the world.

~~

Later as they got ready for bed, Buck wanted to say something to Eddie.

He thought about it for a long time but couldn’t think of the right words.

“Thank you for trusting me with Chris?”

He already said that.

“What was with the almost hand holding?”

No, that was weird.

“I love you?”

Not an option.

Buck mulled it over for a long time, and just when he found the right words to say, he looked over at Eddie.

Who was asleep.

Buck sighed, curling around his pillow.

He had no clue what was happening, which should have scared him, but it didn’t.

It couldn’t scare him because it was Edie.

It was always Eddie.

And with that thought, Buck let his eyes close.

In another moment, he was asleep, the day’s worries fading away.

~~

‘Maddie, I’m your brother!’ Buck begged, seeing no recognition in her eyes as she shook her head.

‘My brother is named Daniel. He’s right over there.’ Maddie said, pointing past him.

Buck turned around, his heart stopping in his chest when he saw him.

He looked just like Buck, but a better version.

Something Buck would never be.

~~

Buck gasped awake later that night, his heart hammering in his chest.

He had just woken up from a nightmare where his parents and Maddie didn’t recognize him, and they had another son.

Daniel.

It just hammered home how much his parents would likely want to replace him with Daniel.

Not the most comforting thing to think about.

As he tried to calm down, He felt Eddie’s grip tighten from where he was held in his arms.

“It’s okay,” Eddie mumbled. “I’m here. I’ve got you.”

Buck sighed, relaxing into Eddie’s arms.

Having Eddie in bed with him helped.

He couldn’t imagine dealing with this alone.

Buck eventually felt his heart rate slow, and he was finally ready to fall back asleep.

His last thought before closing his eyes was how lucky he was to have Eddie with him.

He couldn’t do this without him.

---