Reading Time: 121 Minutes

Title: My Own Miracle
Author: BlueeyedDreamer
Fandom: 9-1-1
Genre: Angst, Family, Hurt/Comfort, Slash
Relationship(s): Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Content Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Minor Character Death, Buckley Parent Bashing, Discussion of domestic violence, discussion of attempted murder, Violence-Canon level, Explicit Sex in Epilogue
Author Note: This story is inspired by the song ‘My Own Miracle’ by Citizen Soldier. The chapter names are from the lyrics. 911 has become my go-to fandom nowadays, and Evan Buckley is my favourite character. His background as a saviour sibling really made me think about all the what-if stories about if Daniel had lived, and the repercussions of that. I hope everyone enjoys my first go at Quantum Bang, and thank you for all of the support. AngelicInsanity is the wonderful artist who made the artwork for this fic, and I can’t thank them enough for their work.
Word Count: 52,228
Summary: Evan Buckley learned the reason for his existence when Daniel’s cancer came back. Since then, he knew he was on borrowed time under his parents’ roof. So, he began to plan. With the help of a friend, and people he met along the way, Evan managed to make a life for himself. Maybe he was born to save someone, but he’d learn to live for himself.
Artist: AngelicInsanity

---

---

Chapter 10: I Don’t Know How To Love

2016

Evan limped into the classroom, more than practiced enough on his crutches to get around without tripping on the rows of desks and chairs. None of the cadets were present yet, which gave Evan a bit of time to get settled. He hadn’t thought he’d be back at the Academy once he’d left it, but it was a way for him to work while his leg was healing and it definitely beat sitting on his ass at home, despite everyone in his life telling him it was okay to rest.

He’d had more than enough of rest over the last few weeks, and he needed to do something productive before his brain melted out of his ears. He didn’t even have company at home, as Evan had moved out of their shared apartment a couple years back, both him and James now wanting their own space. Not that it had stopped James from coming over on a regular basis, but Evan still didn’t like his forced leisure time.

So this was a compromise. He’d be the guest speaker for the newest Academy class in a few of their courses, give them a perspective of an active firefighter, as well as telling them about what kind of calls they could expect when they graduated, and unofficially scout for a probie for his own station.

Evan had been a firefighter for nearly four years now, including his probationary year, and he knew without a doubt that this was his calling. It had been hard, heartbreaking, exhausting and grueling, and he wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.

He stood by that even though it was the reason he was recovering from a broken leg and bruised ribs. They had been on a call to a fire at an apartment building. Evan had been clearing a room on the third floor when the floor had given way beneath him and sent him plummeting to the floor below. He’d broken his right tibia upon impact, just above the ankle, and then gotten buried by debris, bruising his ribs. Thankfully his radio had still been intact, and he’d been able to call for help, but it was the worst injury he’d sustained in the four years he’d been a firefighter, meaning everyone he was close to was fussing over him.

In any case, he could thank his captain, Jerry Truman for the Academy gig. The man knew Evan well, and figured this would save them from Evan trying to push himself too hard in an effort to do something.

Plus, he’d get paid for it, along with the medical leave, which was a bonus. Even after years of being financially stable, Evan had never gotten out of the habit of saving and spending frugally.

He’d gotten settled at the desk that had been set up for him for five minutes when the candidates started arriving. As expected, the majority were male, though there were a few more women in this group than there’d been in his, which was good to see. The age range was from just out of high school to around thirty, with most being in their early twenties it looked like.

Evan observed them carefully and quietly, as most of them hadn’t seemed to notice him yet.

One guy stood out. He wasn’t seated at the front, or at the back. Instead the guy, a tall Hispanic man with dark hair that James would absolutely describe as floofy, settled at the end of the second row, closest to the door.

There was an air of steadiness and maturity that most of the rest of the candidates didn’t quite have. He wasn’t chattering like some of the candidates who’d grouped together, just settling in his seat and getting supplies out.

Evan resolved to keep an eye on this guy. There was just something about him, beyond what he’d observed, something that made Evan want to keep paying attention.

It didn’t hurt that the man was hot like a five-alarm fire. Evan had become more comfortable with his bisexuality over the last few years, though it wasn’t something he advertised to everyone. He didn’t feel the need to correct anyone who assumed he was straight, and wouldn’t unless he was actually dating a guy, which he hadn’t managed yet beyond a few one night stands.

His luck with women hadn’t been much better. He’d had a relationship last for a couple months once, but then it fizzled out after a few too many times she’d not respected the fact that he needed to sleep after a long shift, not go out and party at the club.

So now he was currently single, and felt no guilt in noticing the attractiveness of people he saw.

Once everyone seemed to have arrived, Instructor Grayson came in, shutting the door behind her.

“Good morning everyone! As you may have noticed, we have a guest speaker with us today, Firefighter Buckley from Station 98. He’s generously donated his time to talk to you about his experiences in the field, and will be observing you throughout the week. This would be the time to think of intelligent questions to ask him while he’s here.” She waved a hand at him, and he took the cue to stand, balancing on his good leg to wave.

“Hello, I’m Evan Buckley. I’ve been a firefighter for four years, and hope that my experience can help you out. As you can see, I’m walking wounded at the moment, so I might not be standing for everything, but it won’t stop me from answering any and all questions.” He smiled brightly, the way that many said made him look approachable, and hoped that he didn’t stutter over any words.

“He also graduated at the top of his class, so listen carefully.” Instructor Grayson suggested, and Evan could immediately see more interest in the group. The guy he had his eye on was watching him intently as well.

“Let’s start with something basic. What’s the most common kind of call firefighters respond to here in LA?” He asked, and there were a few moments of quiet before hands started being raised. Evan pointed at a woman near the back.

“Medical,” She said, clearly and confidently. Evan inclined his head.

“That’s right. It’s not fire, it’s not car accidents, though those can be considered medical calls as well, but in general, we respond to mostly medical calls. Why do you think that is? Why don’t they just send the paramedics out to those?”

This time, the guy Evan had noticed put his hand up, quicker than the others, and Evan called on him.

“Because those calls might still need the equipment we use, or Dispatch might not have all the information on the call.” He said, and Evan beamed.

“Exactly! Number one thing to remember in this job is that you can’t assume anything when you go out to a call. Dispatch does their best to get the information we need from a caller, but all too often they might get cut off, or the caller doesn’t realize something is important for us to know. So, you’ve got to be ready for anything to happen on a call, whether that’s dealing with obstacles preventing you from getting to a victim, obstacles that present a threat to you and your crew, or something that changes the procedure you’re following entirely.” Evan explained. He could see a couple people looking a bit dubious, but wasn’t surprised. They’d learn, or they’d find that this job wasn’t for them.

To be fair, before he’d worked with Reese’s crew back in Boulder, he would have thought the majority of what they did was respond to fires. He’d quickly learned better. A woman in the back raised her hand, and Evan pointed to them.

“Can you give us an example of a call like that?” She asked.

Evan grinned.

He always did love going over the weird calls. The reactions he got to them were always entertaining, and best to break it to them now that truth was often stranger than fiction.

“Absolutely! Let’s talk about the time that someone called 911 because they got cornered by a dog, in the house that they were breaking into.”

The bewildered looks on the class’ faces were priceless, and he was definitely going to thank his captain for the opportunity he’d given him.

This was going to be fun!

xx

Once they were on the lunch period, he sat down with Emily Grayson, eager to get the gossip.

“So, give me the lowdown on tall, dark and handsome,” He asked Emily, grinning when she rolled her eyes.

“I was wondering if you were going to ask. That’s Edmundo Diaz, though he goes by Eddie. Former Army medic, so he’s got a leg up on most of the other candidates. So far he’s at the top of the class, and he works well with others, at least when people aren’t trying to one up him,” she said with exasperation. “Already scouting for your captain?”

“Well, since I’m here, I might as well save him some legwork.” He said, blinking innocently.

“Well, just don’t seduce the candidates while you’re here, I need them to still have some brain cells by the end of the week.”

“I would never,” Evan laughed, and Emily rolled her eyes. She’d already been an instructor when he attended the Academy, and had easily been his favourite. She hadn’t taken anyone’s shit, and had been brutally honest about the realities of the career they were trying to get into.

So if she thought this Eddie was the real deal, then he was definitely going to take that into account.

“What are things he needs to work on?” He asked, getting serious again. Emily looked at him with a bit of a strange smile, but answered before he could comment on it.

“He’s definitely reserved. Could be the military in him, but it might take him a bit to click with people. Not necessarily a bad thing, but pairing him with the right crew is going to be important. Plus, he probably knows some tricks as a combat medic that are against procedure here in LA, so he might butt heads with people if they don’t take that into account. Honestly, he’s probably going to be similar to you in that he needs to trust in his crew, or he’ll run into trouble.”

Evan blinked.

“Me?” Emily nodded, gray eyes kind and serious.

“I was a bit worried about you when you graduated Evan. Not about your skills, those are top-notch, but I could see that you were just waiting for someone to stab you in the back. I don’t know why, and you have no obligation whatsoever to tell me, but I was concerned that you were never going to trust anyone with your back, and I bet you know now how important that is on the job.” She said, and Evan was stunned. He had never thought that someone had seen right through him back then.

“But I see that I didn’t need to be. You landed on your feet, mostly,” she gestured to his cast, making him snort, “and hopefully that will happen with Diaz too. He’s not quite as twitchy as you were, but he’s probably got more experience with hiding that too.”

Evan nodded. It was definitely something to consider when recommending someone to Truman.

“Thanks for the tip. Now, whatever happened with Janet and Cal? Did they ever stop dancing around each other?” He asked, referring to two of the admin staff that had been working during his time at the Academy, and Emily laughed, and gave him the tea.

After all, firefighters ran on coffee and gossip, and that was another thing the cadets would soon learn.

xx

It had been a good day observing the cadets, but Evan was man enough to admit that it had been more tiring than he thought, doing this while injured. Now it was done though, and since it was a Friday, he had a couple days to recover.

Evan started gathering up his stuff, packing his backpack and carefully putting his arms through the straps while balancing on one leg. Unfortunately, he managed to knock over his crutches at the same time, and huffed in irritation. Bending down while in a cast was the worst. Before he could try though, someone scooped them up and held them out.

Evan looked up to see Eddie Diaz, and blinked. He thought all of the cadets had left already, wanting to get out so they could start their weekend.

“Thanks,” Evan said with a smile, and took the crutches. Once he was stable, he straightened up and inclined his head to the door.

“Wasn’t expecting anyone to stay back,” he said and Eddie smiled back, the expression reaching his dark brown eyes.

If not for the crutches, Evan would have swooned. Eddie was going to be beating people off with a stick once he was out on calls if he wasn’t careful.

“I wanted to ask a couple questions, plus I wasn’t sure if you needed help or not. Hope that’s alright.”

“Of course! Walk with me, I’ll be waiting for my ride, so we’ve got some time.” Evan got back into the rhythm of moving with crutches. Hopefully by next month he’d be able to just use a walking boot and ditch them.

“So what do you wanna know?” Evan asked.

“What’s something you wished you knew during your probie year?” Eddie asked after a moment, matching his stride to Evan’s hopping gait.

“Huh, that’s a good one.” Evan thought for a moment, remembering that first year. He’d been so skittish still. Getting pulled into the Nash family had helped, but trusting the people around him still wasn’t something that came easy to him. Captain Truman had proved over and over again that Evan could trust him, but it had been something Evan had still questioned internally until he’d seen Truman back him up against a civilian complaint. Said civilian had parked his expensive car in the way of a needed fire hydrant, and as per procedure, Evan had broken the windows to feed the hose through to the hydrant to prevent kinking of the hose.

The owner had happened to be the CEO of a local stock firm, and had threatened litigation against Evan personally, which had nearly sent him into a panic attack, as he’d still been a probie.

Instead of leaving him to deal with it, Truman had personally gotten between them, sent Evan to go do his job at the fire, and given the man the number of the LAFD legal department. He’d then followed up with the camera evidence of the car being parked illegally, sent it off, and told the union not to bother Evan unless absolutely necessary.

The civilian had withdrawn the suit very quickly after that.

“You’ve got to trust your team. You won’t necessarily get along with all of them, but if you can’t get yourself to trust them, it’s not going to work.” Evan said finally, feeling Eddie’s intent gaze. “I have trust issues with people in charge of me. Bad experience in the past. Captain Truman knew that going in with me, and more than proved that I could trust him to have my back, but maybe if I’d known from the start how important it was, I would have gotten to that point sooner.”

There were a few moments of silence beyond the clacking of his crutches.

“I’ll remember that,” Eddie said, looking thoughtful.

“Also, never say the ‘q’ word.” Evan added, wanting to get things on a lighter note. Eddie snorted.

“The ‘q’ word?”

“You know, the word that means the opposite of noisy that you never say on shift?” Evan said with emphasis, looking around to make sure no one was around.

“You mean quiet-”

“Shhhhh!!” Evan hushed him, almost tripping over himself.

“Oh come on, that’s just a superstition, I don’t believe that.” Eddie rolled his eyes.

“You’re wrong, I thought like you did until I heard it said on a shift in my second year. We had 37 calls Eddie! 37! We didn’t sleep, barely ate, barely sat down all shift. I had to get an uber back home, I was so tired.” Evan insisted, but Eddie still didn’t look convinced.

“Uh huh.” Evan sighed.

“Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you. But if you don’t want to piss your station off, then don’t say it, even if you don’t believe it. It’s a widely known thing amongst first responders everywhere.” Evan cautioned, and Eddie nodded reluctantly.

“Alright, I’ll take that on board.”

“I guess that’s all I can ask. Your future crew should thank me for sparing them the wrath of the EMT gods,” Evan sighed dramatically, and Eddie laughed, a big belly laugh that sounded like Evan had startled it out of him. Evan couldn’t help but grin. Taking this gig had definitely been the right choice. He felt more like himself than he had in weeks.

“Thank you for bestowing your generous wisdom on this unworthy one,” Eddie snickered, giving him a dramatic bow, and then quickly had to catch Evan when he dropped a crutch because he was laughing so hard.

There was something about this guy, and Evan hoped he’d see more of him in the future once he was done with the Academy.

Chapter 11: Things That You Can’t See

Libraries had always been something of a safe haven for Evan, ever since he was young and trying to find out more about what being a saviour sibling meant, and not wanting his parents to catch him looking into it. As long as he was quiet and didn’t damage the books, the librarians were happy to let him do his thing, and had directed him to what he needed when he asked.

It hadn’t just been the Harrisburg Public library that had been a safe spot. Everywhere he stayed for more than a few days, he quickly became a familiar face at the local library. It was a way to get free internet so he didn’t have to pay for a plan, a quiet study spot for his GED, and a place to escape with a new book that he didn’t have to buy.

He’d learned the ins and outs of the Dewey decimal system well before he’d left Harrisburg, and his comfort at a library hadn’t gone away even as he became Evan Buckley again when he hit 18. He was a familiar face at the local library here in LA, but hadn’t been to the physical location for a few weeks, a bit before he’d broken his leg.

But he was back now, wanting to get a bit of peace and quiet outside of his apartment, where the people he knew wouldn’t just show up to make sure he was doing alright. It had been fine in the first couple weeks, but he just wanted his space for the next little bit without having to kick anyone out. People knew not to interrupt his library visits, and then he’d just have Bobby coming over for dinner tonight, which he could handle just fine. He wasn’t quite annoyed enough to turn down food from Bobby Nash. That had probably been his main regret with turning the man’s initial offer down for going to the 118. The food was alright at the 98, and as Evan learned more and more cooking from Bobby, his crewmates got to reap the benefits, but no one else at the station was anywhere close to turning out the food that Bobby did.

But before that, he’d spend a couple hours reading, and he was looking forward to it.

He’d just started browsing, when there was a clack of another pair of crutches rocking up next to him, and he turned to see if he was in the way.

Then he looked down.

There was an adorable little boy with forearm crutches, maybe around six or seven, and he was looking up at him, blinking curiously behind glasses. The boy grinned widely, and pointed at him.

“We match!” Evan blinked, and then chuckled.

“So we do. I bet you’re better at it than me though.” He bent down to stage whisper conspiratorially, making the boy giggle.

“Christopher!” Called a familiar voice, and who should show up around the corner of the shelf but Eddie Diaz.

“Daddy! He has crutches too!” Christopher said gleefully, and Eddie looked at Buck, and startled, recognition flashing across his face.

“Evan, uh, hi!” He said, clearly not expecting to see him. Evan gave a little wave.

“Hey, good to see you. This your son?” Evan asked.

“Yep, that’s my Daddy. How do you know him?” Christopher piped up, drawing their attention back. Evan crouched down as much as his crutches would let him.

“I’m working at the Fire Academy your Dad is at.” Evan said.

“You’re a firefighter too?” The boy asked, and Evan smiled.

“I sure am! Been one for four years now,” Evan said, still proud as anything to be able to say that. He’d never thought he’d get to this point when he’d been sixteen, scared and alone in the world. There’d been so much that he didn’t know, that he never thought he’d ever get to experience. And it had all led to here.

“Will you and Daddy work together when he’s done school?” Christopher asked, looking between the two.

“We might, depends on what station your dad goes to work at. If he’s at mine, then I’ll make sure I have his back, alright?” Evan said seriously, not wanting the kid to think Evan was patronizing him. It had been the worst feeling in the world as a kid, and he didn’t want to make anyone feel like that if he could help it.

The kid stared him down, and Evan let him, staying still for his evaluation. Eventually, the kid nodded.

“Okay. Does your station take care of you?” He asked, and Evan huffed in amusement.

“Do they ever! I’ve barely had to do anything for myself the last few weeks, they’ve been taking care of me so much.” He shook his head in exasperation. Sure, none of them were cooks like Bobby, so they left that to him, but any errands, or laundry, or driving he needed, one of the crew was there. He swore they had to have made up a schedule.

“I want my Daddy to have a team like that. He looks after me, so he needs people who look after him.” Christopher insisted, and Evan’s chest felt a bit tight with the sheer amount of affection he already had for this kid.

“Well, that’s a good thing for your dad to look for. I’ll try and help make sure he finds that, alright? Pinky promise.” He held out his pinky, like Maddie and Daniel used to do with him.

“What does that mean?” Christopher asked, cocking his head a bit like a puppy.

“Pinky promises are sacred. You don’t break a pinky promise. So how about it?”

Christopher grinned, and linked his pinky with Evan’s and they shook on it. He looked up to Eddie, hoping he hadn’t overstepped, only to blink at the warm look on the man’s face.

He had the sinking feeling that he was getting himself into trouble, but somehow couldn’t find the motivation to do too much about it now.

xx

Eddie hadn’t intended on making friends when he went to the Academy. No, he was just there to learn how to do the job, and nothing more.

He hadn’t been expecting to meet someone like Evan Buckley.

The man was passionate about the job, that was for sure. He was also good at keeping his class’s attention, and had a good many stories to tell that made his talks interesting.

Evan just had a presence that made him compelling, and he’d definitely overheard a few comments from his fellow cadets about how attractive he was.

In any case, he couldn’t tell you why he’d decided to stay back to help him out that first day, except for having some sympathy from when he’d been injured and reliant on crutches to get around. The beaming smile of gratitude had nearly made him swallow his tongue, but he was pretty sure that would have happened to anyone with eyes and a pulse.

He also hadn’t expected to run into him at the library of all places. Sure, he figured Evan was pretty smart, but he didn’t exactly fit the picture of someone who read recreationally. Eddie had just been at the library for Christopher.

He should have expected his son to grill Evan like a fish when he revealed their connection on the job, but it had been a nice surprise that Evan had taken his son seriously. A lot of people didn’t, even within his own family, and it was frustrating and rage-inducing. And yet here was a perfect stranger, offering respect and decency when he really didn’t have to.

No wonder the Academy was using him as an example of a firefighter to aspire to.

He kind of hoped his station would have a spot open for a probie.

In any case, after Evan had given his son a pinky promise, Eddie decided not to let the opportunity slip away, and asked for Evan’s number. As a friend, obviously.

And that was the start of Eddie and Christopher’s life getting significantly better.

It turned out that Evan knew people who could figure out the paperwork surrounding Christopher’s benefits, and they did. Carla was a saint, and worth her weight in gold, and Evan had apparently somehow become friends with the woman after helping one of her patients on a call.

Eddie had been fretting about getting good childcare for Christopher once he was out of the Academy ever since he’d moved to LA, and Evan had just helped him fix it, just like that.

“You barely even know me,” Eddie said after the door had closed behind Carla, “Thank you, I mean it, but why would you go to so much trouble?” Even just this one act was more support than he got from some of his own family. Evan gave him a small smile that looked a bit sad.

“Maybe we haven’t known each other long, but I consider us friends. And I try to help my friends however I can, because my friends helped me when I needed it the most. This was something that I could do to help, so I’m glad it worked out.”

There was a story there, but Eddie didn’t feel like they knew each other well enough for him to ask just yet. He’d just have to look for a way to pay him back, to show his appreciation.

“At least stay for dinner. I’m not that good a cook, but we could order pizza if that’s cool.” Eddie offered, and Evan’s smile widened.

“That sounds great.”

Christopher had been ecstatic. Somehow, in the space of only a couple weeks, his son had decided that Evan Buckley was the best thing since sliced bread.

“Have you always lived in LA? Dad and I are from Texas.” Chris informed Evan as they chowed down on meat-lover’s slices.

“Nope, I’m not a native,” Evan laughed, “I’m originally from Pennsylvania, but I’ve lived in a few other places too. I came to LA since it was warm, and one of my friends moved out here too.”

“Do you have family here? We have Abuelita, and Tia Pepa, and the cousins, and…” Christopher trailed off and spread his hands out wide, clearly illustrating how much family they had in LA. It had been the main reason Eddie had chosen LA, in particular because Abuela and Tia Pepa were his favourite relatives hands down. Shannon’s possible proximity hadn’t really played a factor in his decision, even if his parents had certainly thought it did.

Evan didn’t laugh this time at Christopher’s exuberance, though he did try to smile. It was only because Eddie was paying attention that he saw the slight grimace before Evan wiped it away.

“I don’t have any biological family here, they’re all back east, but I do have people who have pretty much adopted me, so I consider them family.” Evan said lightly, not even a hint of strain in his voice, even though Eddie could see the tense set of his shoulders.

“That’s good! People need family, right Dad?” Christopher turned to him, pizza sauce dotting his chin. Without thinking, he wiped it away with a napkin, snorting at his son’s screwed up face at the action.

“If only to wipe their face I guess,” Eddie teased, and Christopher pouted. Eddie glanced back at Evan, and saw his deflection had helped the other man relax a bit.

“So I guess you don’t like winter then?” Eddie asked, steering the conversation away from the potential landmine.

“Not really, I hate when it’s windy and wet, so the weather here is definitely more my style. I guess it’s dryer here than in Texas for you?” Evan asked.

“Yep! I like it better here,” Christopher chimed in, “People don’t try to make me use sippy cups.”

Eddie closed his eyes for a moment, biting back the anger that leaped in his chest at the reminder. That had been a long standing argument with his parents that neither Shannon nor he had ever completely won with his parents. The casual ableism, and the sheer blindness of his parents to their grandchild’s distress were amongst the many reasons Eddie kept contact with them to a minimum.

“I’m glad you like it here,” Evan said, eyes flicking over to Eddie for a moment, and then back to Christopher. “I promise I won’t ever make you use one, alright?”

His son nodded enthusiastically.

He wasn’t surprised when later, after he’d put Christopher to bed and he’d persuaded Evan to stay for a beer, that Evan had questions.

“What was up with the sippy cup thing?”

“My parents think that because he has CP, he has to be babied through everything. They say I’m being cruel when I let him do things, that I’ve got no business parenting a child with special needs, and that they’d be better parents.” Eddie said, voice tight. Every time he thought about it, his heart clenched.

“That seems ignorant,” Evan said, scowling. “Like, I obviously haven’t met them, but I’ve seen you with Chris, and you’re a good parent. He’s happy with you.”

The complete sincerity in Evan’s voice was a soothing balm, and Eddie let it wash over him.

“Thanks Evan.”

“Is that part of why you came out here?” Evan asked, shifting so that he was facing him. Eddie nodded.

“Yeah. I got medically discharged out of the Army, and then his mother, Shannon, left us. I had to work all the time to make up for the insurance I was no longer getting for Chris, and so I had to leave him with my parents more than I wanted. I guess they took that to mean that they should be his parents, and told me to sign custody over to them. That was my breaking point. I just wanted some support, but they were using that against me.” Eddie burst out, letting himself feel the hurt all over again.

It was so different from what Evan had already done for him. He hadn’t even known the other man for a month, and instead of using Eddie’s childcare troubles as a mark against him, Evan had helped him fix it, no questions asked. Eddie wasn’t used to people helping him like that with no strings attached. Afterall, if his own family didn’t, why would a near stranger?

There was just something special about Evan, that was for sure.

“I’m sorry they did that. You didn’t deserve that, neither you nor Chris.” Evan soothed softly. He didn’t try to reach out and touch Eddie, which he was grateful for. A hug might be a little bit too much when he was feeling this raw.

“I just think sometimes, that maybe they’re right. They’re my parents, so maybe they see something in me that will drag Christopher down with me, and I don’t want them to be right and-”

“Eddie.” Evan cut him off, nudging his knee with his own. Eddie stopped, and looked up.

“Parents aren’t always right,” Evan started, voice as serious as Eddie had ever heard him be. “Sure, they raise us, but it doesn’t mean that they always know what’s right for you. It doesn’t even mean that they’re trying to do the right thing for us, as much as we would like that to be true. It sounds like they’re focused on what they want, rather than what’s good for you and Christopher.”

“How are you so sure?”

“I’ve got a good feeling about you Eddie, and I like to think I’m a pretty good judge of character.” Evan grinned, and some of the tension faded away. Eddie thought he was holding something back, but let it go for now. They’d have time hopefully, and Eddie didn’t want to push after Evan had been so understanding with him.

“Thanks Evan.”

“Anytime.”

Eddie was starting to think becoming friends with Evan might be one of his better decisions. Hopefully Evan was a friend who’d stick around for awhile.

Chapter 12: Family that Never Was There

Even as he’d gotten closer to the Nash family over the years, he’d never told Bobby or Marcy the entirety of his story. They knew that he’d run away from home as a minor, and that he’d used fake ids to stay under the radar. They knew that he didn’t have any contact with his family even now. They knew his brother had died.

Bobby probably had deduced a bit more, due to a conversation he’d had with him one melancholy night when he’d come over after a hard shift a couple years into his career.

“What’s your opinion on saviour siblings?” He’d asked, staring off into the night at the back patio of the Nash house. He intentionally hadn’t looked at Bobby when he let the words out.

Bobby had hummed, but hadn’t said anything for a few minutes, thinking the question over.

“It’s not a choice I would make,” Bobby had finally said. “Though I understand that the parents in those situation must have felt desperate.”

“So you don’t think those kids should donate?” Evan had asked, trying to keep his voice level.

“I don’t see how those kids would feel like they’d have a choice, which means any kind of consent they’d have is pressured. And that’s if they were old enough to be able to express an opinion,” Bobby had said bluntly, and Evan had needed a few moments to compose himself.

It had been a sort of validation for his feelings, even if he hadn’t been brave enough to tell Bobby what his situation had been.

Since that conversation, it had seemed like Bobby and Marcy had upped their efforts to integrate him into their family. James was also invited to various dinners and activities, which he occasionally came to when he could fit it in between his work, his intensifying relationship with his girlfriend and volunteer work. James had long since come to the conclusion that Bobby Nash wasn’t going to out Evan in regards to his past, and had a friendly relationship with the family.

In any case, the only person who knew the entirety of it was James.

He’d tried to put the past behind him, and figured that he’d mostly succeeded.

Which meant of course that the past wasn’t done with him yet.

He was off his crutches, and in the walking boot, when there was a knock on his apartment door at 4pm. Evan cocked his head in puzzlement as he clunked to the door. He wasn’t expecting anyone, and still had a few weeks left of medical leave. Bobby would have called or texted him, as would Eddie, and James wouldn’t have even bothered knocking.

So who could it be?

Another knock came, this one sounding more impatient, and Evan rolled his eyes.

He opened the door slightly, and froze.

It may have been close to a decade since he last saw her, but he had no problem recognizing Maddie Buckley.

She evidently had no problem recognizing him either.

“Evan. I finally found you.”

Never had those words been more ominous.

xx

Evan watched his sister warily as she sipped at the glass of water he’d poured for her. They’d moved to the dining table, with Evan careful to put himself in a seat closer to the door. He’d already sent a text to James to warn him in case he tried dropping by, as he didn’t want to turn any of his sister’s ire on him.

Instead, he was weathering it himself, as it was obvious Maddie was mad at him. She was likely feeling a host of other feelings that he wasn’t even going to begin to try and parse out right now. This Maddie was nearly a stranger to him, with how many years they’d been out of contact.

“You know, I half convinced myself that you were dead when you didn’t show up for Daniel’s funeral,” she started, and Evan nearly flinched, the reminder a needle in the heart. He’d fought with himself on the decision not to go, going back and forth on the subject with James, before deciding himself not to attend. He’d said everything he could to Daniel already, even if it hadn’t seemed like nearly enough, and he’d still been seventeen at the time.

“I spoke with him, not too long before.” Evan said, and she looked up sharply, surprised. Evan met her eyes steadily.

“What? Why didn’t Mom and Dad know? Daniel would have said, he wanted you safe, we all wanted you safe, not running off like a child!” She sputtered, and Evan sighed.

Would she even believe what he had to say?

“Exactly. He wanted me safe. What does it tell you that he kept quiet?” He asked, and Maddie shook her head.

“No. No, I refuse-”

“Then there’s no point in me saying anything else if you’re not going to listen.” He cut her off, and she looked like he’d slapped her.

Evan got up, and went back to the kitchen to start washing the leftover dishes from his meal prep. He didn’t hear any movement from the den for a few minutes, but as he was starting to dry a plate, there was a rustle, and quiet footsteps.

He didn’t turn around.

“Evan.” He wasn’t sure he’d ever heard her voice so small.

He turned his head, and had to bite back the urge to go to her, she looked so small and sad.

“Why did you run?” She asked.

Evan sighed. There was no guarantee that his sister would believe him. He could make something up, suitably childish enough to fit her expectations, and maybe disgust her enough for her to leave his life again.

But….

He’d missed Maddie. He’d missed the days of playing tag, and her slowing down enough for him to catch her. He’d missed the blanket forts with her and Daniel, them watching cartoons with him on Saturday mornings, the seemingly endless patience with all his childish questions about who and what and why.

He’d never really gotten to know her as an adult. And if he didn’t explain now, he might never get the chance to do so.

“When Daniel first relapsed, when I was eleven, Mom and Dad sat me down, told me that I was going to donate marrow, and that I had no choice in any of it.” He started, putting the plate down and turning completely to face Maddie. “It was made clear to me what my job was, what my only purpose in life was, and that I’d regret it if I made a fuss.”

“So, I did, because I had to, and because I wanted to help Daniel. But after that surgery, when I was in pain, when I just wanted someone to hug me, to tell me I did a good job, I was dropped off at home, by myself, and expected to just move on. They didn’t come home for three days. I didn’t get any of my pain meds filled. And neither you or Daniel were there.”

Maddie went white.

“And that’s when I knew that the only use I had for Mom and Dad was as spare parts for the son they actually loved.”

Maddie started shaking her head.

“No, that’s not true, they love you-”

“Then,” he said, speaking over her, “when the cancer came back and spread to his lungs, I wondered what Mom and Dad would order me to give up this time. I’d done research about saviour siblings, and knew that I could donate organs as well, though living donors can only donate lobes of the lung, and Daniel was too far gone for that.”

“I really wonder what would have happened if Daniel hadn’t been able to get the double lung transplant in the nick of time. Because shortly after that, I overheard Mom and Dad talking one night. Mom was having a tirade about how these lungs would probably only last a few years, and how it was a miracle these ones were even a match, and how the doctors refused to do a whole lung transplant from me, since I was a living donor.”

Maddie was crying now, silent tears streaming down her face, and Evan thought about stopping there. Thought about simply leaving it there, leaving that as the reason he’d run, so that Maddie could still keep the illusion that their parents were good people who were trying to help their kid. Because their parents were the last family that Maddie had left, beyond him and her husband.

Speaking of which, where was Doug?

Evan shook his head. He had to finish. Maddie had asked for why. He wasn’t going to lie to her now.

“Dad was trying to placate her, like he always does, when she just suggested that when those lungs gave out, they simply make sure I can donate my lungs. When Dad brought up that they don’t use living donors, she said they could make sure I was able to donate, since I’d be brain dead.”

Maddie was shaking her head, still crying, still silent. She backed up to the wall by the door, and slid down it, as if her knees had given out.

“I was thirteen Maddie, and I’d just heard my parents plan on killing me to keep Daniel alive. So I planned, and I ran, because I wanted to live. Call me selfish, call me a coward, I don’t care. I’ve got the right to fight for my life, even when it’s inconvenient for them and you,” Evan got out through the lump in his throat.

It had taken him years to fully internalize that. Years spent fighting the guilt and the idea that his life was worth less than Daniel’s. There were still days when he woke up and had to beat back that guilt, that he was alive and Daniel was gone, but they came less and less each year.

“Inconven- No!” Maddie shouted, staggering to her feet. “It’s not- I never- I-” She spluttered and choked.

Evan waited, watching to make sure she didn’t work herself into a panic attack.

She took a few deep breaths, swiping furiously at her tears, and slowly regained a bit of composure.

“They said that? They really said that?” She rasped, looking at him with begging eyes, pleading with him to say it wasn’t true.

“Yeah.” He said instead. She looked like he’d stabbed her in the gut.

He wasn’t surprised when she ran out the door like a demon was chasing her.

xx

“She just walked out?” James asked, looking at Evan in disbelief. He’d hightailed it over, despite, or maybe because of Evan’s warning text, and had arrived just after Maddie left.

At least his timing was good.

“Yeah, well ran out. I kind of dumped everything on her at once, so that might have been the best option.”

“Evan-”

“She was angry that I wasn’t at the funeral, and I get that, but then she asked why I ran and I just couldn’t lie about it. Guess we’ll see if she believes me.”

“Or if she’ll go tell your parents.” James pointed out, and Evan sighed.

He’d been trying not to think about that.

“Well, they don’t have any control over me, and everyone who knows me here knows I don’t have any contact with them, so there’s that.” Evan said grimly. He’d be perfectly fine with never seeing his parents again, but somehow he had the feeling he wouldn’t be that lucky.

“And if they do show up and try something, don’t be afraid to call the police. You’re a firefighter, you’re respected, and you’re an adult. There’s nothing legal they can do to take you away from this life.” James reminded him, and it was what he needed to hear.

“I just hope none of this comes back to bite you in the ass. If Maddie or my parents figure out you’re in LA, they’re going to put it together that you helped me.” Evan reminded him, and James scoffed.

“Then I’ll file my own harassment suit, and Mom will be very proud.” He smirked, and Evan snorted. He probably shouldn’t have found it funny, but it was.

Chapter 13: I Should Feel Strong

It was a full day later that there was a knock on the door, distinctly more hesitant than the last one. James had stayed over from yesterday, and taken advantage of a Sunday to laze around Evan’s apartment. James had been wondering when Maddie Buckley would eventually track Evan down, and had taken the time yesterday to look some things up while Evan had been stress baking.

Doug Kendall was now apparently among the not so dearly departed, having been killed during a domestic dispute last year. From what little his contact had shared, Maddie Kendall, now Buckley again, had clearly acted in self-defense.

He hadn’t told Evan that yet.

He knew his best friend, probably better than anyone else, though the Nash family would probably come pretty darn close. He would blame himself for Maddie’s troubles, even though there had been very little Evan could have done. James had only met Maddie a few times before they’d enacted the plan, and they’d already been pretty distant with each other. He couldn’t really see how Evan could have done anything to convince Maddie to leave her clearly abusive husband, and who knew when things had gotten bad in that marriage.

Still, feelings regarding family weren’t always what one would call rational.

Which was why James remained quiet when Evan answered the door, and let Maddie in. She was still a beautiful woman, though she looked tired and on edge. Her eyes were red-rimmed and swollen, just like Evan’s got after he had a crying session.

Maddie stopped when she noticed James, and then slumped.

“James Patterson. I guess you’ve known all along about all this.” She waved a hand, but just sounded tired instead of accusatory, so James nodded.

“I’ve got his back,” he said, “He’s my best friend.”

Maddie stared at him, like she wasn’t sure what to make of him. It was a look that he’d gotten more than a few times over the course of his life. He chose to take it as a compliment.

“Let’s sit down, alright?” Evan broke through the awkward silence, and Maddie slumped into one of the kitchen chairs.

“Sorry for leaving,” she said quietly, “I just… I needed some time to think.”

“I get it,” Evan said just as quietly. “I kind of dropped a bomb on you.”

She snorted. “A bomb might have been less shocking.”

“And what conclusion did you come to Ms Kendall?” James asked, feeling a little bad at the flinch, but not stopping. “Or it’s Ms Buckley now right?”

Maddie sighed.

“Of course you know.”

“Well, I don’t.” Evan said, looking at James with exasperation, but no surprise. He really did know James so well.

“Doug’s gone,” Maddie said, voice flat. “He tried to kill me last year. I killed him first.”

Huh, it seemed like dropping verbal bombs was a Buckley trait, not just an Evan trait.

“What?! Mads, are you alright? Did- he- I-” Evan stammered, leaping from his chair and hovering over Maddie, clucking like a nervous hen. Instead of cowering back, or flinching though, Maddie smiled just a little.

“I’m okay little brother,” she assured, reaching up to catch his flailing hands. She held them gently, and James watched with interest as Evan seemed to calm down with the simple hold.

“But-”

“It was hard. But I’ve been talking to someone. And that’s part of why I tried to find you now. To get some closure, if you didn’t want to see me, to get some answers if you did. I-” Maddie swallowed, but didn’t look away from Evan.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I’m sorry you didn’t feel like you could talk to me. I’d like to think that I would have listened.” She said softly, “I’m sorry you had to go through all of that.”

“Does that mean you believe me?” Evan asked, and James could hear the hesitance. It was always the thing that stopped them from telling anyone else. It seemed unthinkable what the Buckley parents had thought of doing, abhorrent and monstrous and something that wouldn’t happen in real life. Without seeing firsthand how easily the Buckleys had disregarded Evan in his own home, James probably would have had trouble believing it.

“I don’t want it to be true, but…” Maddie bit her lip. “They changed when Daniel got sick again. It was one of the reasons why I didn’t want to come home all that often. And when someone brought you up at the funeral, the looks on their faces…” She shuddered.

“They blame me, don’t they?” Evan said, not looking surprised at all.

“They do, and it’s not right. It’s not right at all. Daniel would have been horrified at them.”

“Yeah…” Evan sighed, and James decided that they’d be better off continuing this conversation without an audience.

“I’m gonna head out Evan. Text me if you need me. Try not to cry on each other too much.” He said brightly, and endured twin glares from the Buckleys as he made his way out the door.

It seemed the two siblings had a bit more in common than he’d originally thought.

He’d still be on his guard though. While Maddie wasn’t at fault, their parents certainly were, and James didn’t trust that they’d stay in the past.

xx

“So your sister just showed up out of the blue?” Eddie asked, eyes wide and looking concerned. Evan was over for another dinner with the Diaz boys, and again, Eddie had convinced him to stay after Chris had gone to bed.

“Yep. She left her husband last year, had some therapy for everything, and decided that she needed to get some closure with me, whether that was figuring out if I died or getting some answers from me.” Evan said carefully. He wasn’t going to go into the details of Maddie’s mess, not without her permission. Eddie did know that he’d left home and hadn’t been in any degree of contact with his family, though he didn’t know why.

He hadn’t known Eddie nearly long enough to get into that mess.

“She didn’t know you were alive?” Eddie asked, brow raised, and Evan froze. Shit, he hadn’t meant to say that. He thought about backtracking, but didn’t want to get caught in a lie later on.

“I really didn’t want them to find me.” He said instead, and Eddie frowned.

“Did they hurt you?”

Evan blew out a breath. He should have known Eddie wasn’t going to let it drop.

“It wasn’t something I could prove. So I left before it could happen. It wasn’t Maddie’s fault, she’d moved out by that time, but I didn’t know if she’d believe me. So I didn’t tell her.” He said, and Eddie eyed him for a long moment, before nodding.

“Okay. Let me know if you need somewhere she can’t find you. I’m pretty sure Abuela would have no problem chasing anyone away with her spoon for you.” Eddie joked, and Evan laughed. He’d met the Diaz matriarch just the past weekend, when Christopher had insisted on him being invited for Sunday dinner.

It had been a bit like when Marcy had welcomed him for the first dinner. Welcoming warmth and affection, with very good food. He’d been told he was welcome to come back, and had had a wonderful time.

Isabel Diaz was definitely fierce enough to run people off with a spoon.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He promised.

Eddie had become a good friend in a very short amount of time. He reminded Evan a little bit of James, though they were still very different people. He wondered if James and Eddie would get along. He hoped so. He really wanted to see James interact with Christopher. His friend was the first to say children confused the hell out of him, and it would take a lot to change his mind out of his declaration that he would never procreate.

James’ parents were apparently amused by his conviction, but hadn’t tried to talk him out of it. They thankfully weren’t the type who wanted to get grandchildren by any means possible.

Evan… Evan didn’t know where he stood about having a family. He loved kids, loved seeing them learn new things, loved hearing how they viewed the world. He’d thought about what it would be like to start a family of his own. But every daydream would stall out when he tried to think of a life partner.

He shook his head to try and stop dwelling on that particular conundrum.

“Hey…” Eddie said suddenly, and Evan looked over. Eddie looked a bit hesitant, chewing at his lip.

“Yeah?”

“I know that you’re probably not ready to say, but if you ever need to talk about things, even if it’s awkward family stuff. God knows I have more than enough to share myself.” Eddie said, and Evan couldn’t help but wonder if Eddie would offer that if he knew the extent of which Evan’s family stuff was screwed up.

Still, it was nice that Eddie offered, considering he wasn’t the most open person himself.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Evan promised, but didn’t plan on it.

He’d have to see how everything went with Maddie first. For now, he’d just revel in having another friend that wanted him around.

xx

Evan was just a couple weeks from returning to work, when he got extremely unwelcome news.

“They’re what?!” Evan exclaimed, looking at his captain in disbelief.

“They’re closing down Station 98,” he repeated, not looking any happier about it than Evan did. “Because of the way they’ve changed the response zones, the budget people think it’s a redundant station, and it’s also one of the older buildings, so getting it back up to standard would cost more than they want to give.”

“What does that mean for us?” Evan asked. Truman grimaced.

“As there isn’t an empty station they can slot us into, we’re getting split up. We are allowed to put forward our top choices for transfers, but it’s not a guarantee that we’ll get them.” He said glumly.

“You’re not getting demoted are you?” Evan asked after a moment. He couldn’t think of any open captain positions off the top of his head. Truman shook his head with a rueful smile.

“Nah, one of the old timers is retiring over at 145 and they’ve asked me to step in. I’m taking Castillo with me, I need my best engineer, but there aren’t any more spaces I can fill just yet. But…” Truman fixed Evan with an intent look. “I bet that we both know one captain who would bend over backwards to take you in.”

Evan flushed, and looked away. He couldn’t deny that he had wondered over the years what would have happened if he’d taken Bobby’s offer to work under him at the 118. He didn’t regret going with the 98, but he had wondered. Though this way at least he had felt more comfortable getting closer to the Nash family outside of work.

“His family has pretty much tried to adopt me, not exactly the grounds for a good professional relationship.” He pointed out. Truman rolled his eyes.

“Not saying you wouldn’t need to talk things through to make sure the lines don’t blur on the job, but it’s not the first time we’ve had family working together, official or otherwise. Just laying it out as an option. I know that they’ve got a couple spaces opening up, and I bet Nash has mentioned it too.”

The man was right. Evan had already heard Bobby’s grousing about his two upcoming losses for his heavy rescue guys. One was a man who was retiring before his knees gave out on him, and the other had just been at the 118 less than a year before deciding the 118 wasn’t a great fit for him personality wise.

Bobby had muttered that that guy’s personality wasn’t a great fit for anyone.

“Just think about it. I’d feel better knowing you’re with someone you can trust, as both your captain and your friend.” Truman said, clapping a hand on his shoulder.

“Alright. Thanks for letting me know.” Evan sighed. He’d miss working at the 98. It had been what he’d needed coming out of the Academy, and he’d worked with a lot of good people, even if he couldn’t really claim a lot of close friendships with them. One thing that they’d given him that he really couldn’t repay them for was the regained ability to trust other people with his back.

Without that, he wouldn’t have lasted very long, and a good part of that had been thanks to Truman himself.

If Truman didn’t see an issue with Evan working under Bobby, and the other man knew how close they were with Bobby being one of his emergency contacts when James was out of town, then maybe it was a good idea.

“I’ll miss working with you at the station Evan, and I’m proud to have had a hand in your training. But don’t think this gets you out of trivia night with us, we’re still gonna meet up like usual.”

Evan laughed, and gave into the urge to hug the man.

“I’d never miss out on trivia night. Thanks for everything Cap.”

When Truman left, Evan pulled out his phone and texted Bobby to see when they could meet up for coffee.

He needed to see a man about a job.

Chapter 14: Sympathy or Sweetness

Bobby couldn’t help whistling as he walked in the door to his house after his meetup with Evan. He’d always wanted Evan to work at his house, ever since the first time he’d seen him on the ropes at the Academy. He’d resigned himself to not having him after his ill-executed first meeting when he’d recognized him as the Ethan who’d saved his whole world, considering how terrified Evan had been of Bobby outing him.

Yeah, he could have done that a lot better in hindsight.

Still, despite his gaffe at the beginning, Evan had allowed Bobby and his family to get to know him as Evan, and while Bobby wasn’t so presumptuous as to assume a familial relationship, he liked to think that they’d formed a solid friendship. Brooke and RJ looked up to the young man, treating him like a cool older brother, and Marcy mothered him as much as he would allow.

So they’d become close, and had actually worked together on a few scenes where multiple stations had been called in. Truman and the crew at the 98 were good people, solid firefighters, and had somehow managed to gain Evan’s trust, at least on the job. Bobby had seen how well Evan worked with his crew, and even if he was just a bit wistful, he’d let it go, more than happy that Evan had let him into his personal life.

So when Evan had told him about the 98 being shut down, and asked if that spot he offered was still open?

Well, Bobby couldn’t have kept the smile off his face if he’d been paid to.

“And what’s got you so cheerful?” Marcy asked as he came into the kitchen, the kids probably watching the after school cartoons in the living room.

“Evan’s joining the 118 once he’s back from medical leave,” he announced giddily, and Marcy’s eyes widened with surprise.

“Really? Why? I thought he was happy at the 98, did something happen?”

“The station is getting shut down, it’s one of the oldest station buildings in the LAFD, and I think something’s not up to code. In any case, the crew’s being split off to other houses, but they’ll get first choice where possible. Evan wanted to know if the spot I offered was still there, and with Roger retiring and Higgins transferring, I’ve got 2 slots. I was thinking of getting a probie with rescue certs, but wanted someone with experience for the other, and Evan’s perfect for that! Plus he’s already got a couple recommendations for the probie since he was guest lecturing at the Academy.” Bobby gushed, and Marcy smiled.

“Well, that sounds wonderful! I know you’ve wanted this for a while.”

“Yes. Evan did have some concerns about working together since we’re so close personally, which honestly shows a lot more maturity and awareness than a lot of people on the job, so we laid out some boundaries. We’ll have to see if anything else comes up, but as long as we keep talking, I think it will be fine. It helps that he’s already met Hen, so there’ll be one more familiar face.” Bobby explained.

Getting into rehab and getting clean and sober had hammered home the point that communication was the foundation of any relationship. Marcy and Bobby’s marriage had started becoming rocky in the months before the fire, with one of the chief problems being him not talking to her. After the fire, he’d gotten his head on straight, done the work, and gone through couples counseling with Marcy, not willing to lose her again to his own stubbornness.

He’d since applied his new stance on communication to his job, and found it to be beneficial more than a few times since.

He wasn’t worried about working things out with Evan, as long as they kept talking.

As for the probie slot, Bobby was pretty sure he knew who he would ask. Afterall, anyone who impressed Evan as Eddie had done would likely be a good fit for the 118.

xx

Settling into the 118 was easier than Evan had hoped. Sure, he already knew some people there, like Bobby and Hen, and had certainly heard about the rest of the crew in their stories, but he’d still thought there would be more pushback against a newcomer.

There was one guy that kept eyeing him, as if waiting for him to mess up or something. Howard “Chimney” Han, Hen’s paramedic partner and best friend didn’t really seem to like him, but hadn’t done anything objectionable, so he’d just try to ride it out. He’d worked with people he hadn’t liked before, so he’d do it again.

One thing that was infinitely better was the food. He’d had Bobby’s food before, many times in fact, but he’d gotten used to fending for himself at the 98.

This was miles better than fending for himself.

“Mac and cheese! Alright!” Evan cheered as he caught the scent of it when he came out of the shower. It was easily one of his favourite of Bobby’s dishes, and he hadn’t expected it to be made at work.

“Oh yum!” Hen agreed, coming from the ambulance. They trotted up the stairs together.

“What’s the occasion Cap?” Evan asked. The rest of the crew were congregating in the kitchen. It hadn’t been a terribly busy shift today, with just a fender bender taking them out a couple hours ago. Evan had just taken a shower to get rid of the vomit that had landed on him when one of the car passengers, apparently experiencing brutal morning sickness, had accidentally upchucked on him. The poor woman had been mortified, and Evan had done his best to reassure her while biting back his own grimace at the smell and mess. So coming out of the shower to his favourite meal was wonderful.

“We’re getting our new probie today, and I figured we might as well start with a good impression before you lunatics chase him away.” Bobby snarked, and the crew laughed.

“I think with the food, one of us could commit a murder and they’d be alright with it,” Evan joked, which did actually get a snicker out of Chim.

“Don’t get any ideas,” Bobby sighed, but there was a quirked lip on the faux stern face.

Evan just blinked innocently.

“So when’s the fresh meat getting here?” Chim asked.

“Right about now I’d say.” Came a familiar voice from the stairs, and Evan whirled around to see Eddie Diaz, standing tall and with a smile.

“Eddie!” Evan dashed over to his friend, barely able to believe his eyes. Eddie hadn’t mentioned a thing about choosing the 118 when they’d seen each other just last week. He hadn’t been able to make Eddie’s graduation, having had to babysit a sick Brooke when Bobby and Marcy hadn’t been able to get off work, but he’d still taken Eddie out for a congratulatory drink the day after.

“Hi Evan, surprise!” Eddie smirked at him.

He was such an ass. Evan couldn’t help but smile. He somehow made friends with all the snarky people.

“I should have known you were up to something,” he said, and pulled Eddie into a tight hug. Eddie hugged him back, more than used to his gestures of affection by now.

“You really should have. Now I just need to report to Captain Nash.” Eddie pulled back, and Evan reluctantly let him go.

“Well, that’s me. And I know you already know Firefighter Buckley.” Bobby grinned, and Evan knew that he’d done this on purpose, and was torn between beaming and scowling at the captain for hiding this.

As the others introduced themselves, Evan wondered at how right this felt. He hadn’t known Eddie Diaz for very long, and yet he and his son had just seemed to click into his life as seamlessly as James had a decade ago.

Maybe the 118 really would work and become his new team.

xx

Working with Eddie as his field partner, even though Eddie was still a probie, was one of the most rewarding experiences of Evan’s career to date. He’d worked well with everyone at the 98, and had developed a rhythm with those he was paired up with on scene, but it had never been as smoothly effortless as falling into sync with Eddie was.

And it wasn’t just working with Eddie that was going well. They were getting to know each other more and more, and even James had commented that he was surprised at how quickly Evan was letting Eddie into his life. James hadn’t said it like a bad thing though. His friend had looked a little bit proud of him, a little bit relieved even.

Of course, just because they’d clicked so well from the start, didn’t mean there weren’t things about each other that they didn’t know.

It was an unpleasant surprise to learn that Eddie was still married, even though his wife had been out of their lives for over two years. Evan found this out when Eddie vented to him about Christopher’s new school, Durand, needing to do an interview with both parents, also revealing that Eddie didn’t even have an official custody agreement.

To his credit, Eddie looked like he had realized the issue with that, but it didn’t change the fact that now Shannon was back, and she appeared to want to come back into their lives.

Or at least Eddie’s bed.

That was probably more than a little uncharitable of him, but he couldn’t help the thought.

In any case, it was Eddie’s choice to make, so Evan didn’t voice opinions that wouldn’t help.

Instead, he made sure he had Eddie’s back at work, which had become the start of a partnership Evan couldn’t believe was working so well. He’d learned how to work with a variety of people over the years, but never had he clicked so well with someone on the job. Eddie was a natural at being a firefighter, cool and calm under pressure, even when they had to remove an actual grenade from a man’s leg. Not only that, but it had been a live round.

Evan thought the two of them had nearly given Bobby a heart attack that day.

Through all of this, Maddie was settling into living in LA. They’d started meeting up for coffee, small meetings in public where they could walk away easily enough if things got heated, which they did at times. Evan had cut her off from him even more sharply than she had cut him off from her, and hadn’t reached out even when he was able to become Evan again. He hadn’t trusted that she would believe him over their parents, and she’d seemed to distance herself from him when he’d needed her most. Both of them had struggled, and been through things that they shouldn’t have had to, without each other’s support.

And yet…

He had his sister back. The one person in the world who knew Daniel like he did, who he could talk about with, grieve with, and remember his life with. He had his sister, who still had her playful sense of humour when she was relaxed enough, who still had the habit of using pinky promises, who still had a near addiction to marshmallows in her hot chocolate.

She was still Maddie, even if she had changed, just like he had.

A few weeks after she’d come back into his life, he introduced her to the Nash family, a way of bringing his blood family, and the family who had adopted him together.

Of course, this meant that Maddie got a glimpse into part of his life that he still hadn’t told her much about.

“So, you met Evan in Minnesota?” Maddie asked Marcy and Bobby after dinner, when the kids had been released from the table to do their own thing. Evan had already told the couple that she was aware of his circumstances of running away from home, even if not of the specifics of just what he’d gotten up to in those years.

“Yes. He was just one floor up from us. He was always a very quiet boy, but always polite, and always had a smile for the kids. I couldn’t believe my ears when Bobby said he’d found him at the Academy after all these years.” Marcy said, glancing at Evan as if to gauge how much she should say.

“You didn’t stay in touch?” Maddie asked, eyes flicking between Evan and the Nash’s. She looked curious and confused. Evan decided to bite the bullet, and spare Marcy and Bobby from having to tiptoe around the truth.

“The building caught fire, and I’d just come home from a night shift when I saw the floor under renovation was on fire. The alarms weren’t going off, so I called it in and started knocking on doors. Once I got out, I ran off, because I didn’t want to talk to the police.” Evan said quickly, and Maddie blinked.

“Not only that, but he helped get Marcy and the kids out and down the stairs safely. I was at work, so I wasn’t home, and I thought I’d lost everything in one night. Your brother saved my world.” Bobby said proudly, and Evan couldn’t help but flush. He’d told Bobby time and time again that he didn’t owe him anything, but neither Marcy or Bobby would ever let him forget how grateful they were.

“Um, wow, Evan…I..” Maddie stuttered wide-eyed for a moment, then stopped and took a deep breath. They let her have a moment. Then she looked back up at Evan, and smiled.

There was love and pride in that smile, and it was almost like being with Daniel again.

“I guess you found your calling early on then.” She said.

The rest of the dinner went well, and Evan felt almost weak with relief that he could blend these two parts of his family together.

And if the void where Daniel should have been ached, it was a pain that Evan had grown used to, and he could still appreciate the bittersweetness of knowing Daniel would have been happy for him.

Chapter 15: Be the Family

Eddie was looking forward to going home after a long hard shift, when his partner’s name rang through the air from the pedestrian entrance.

“Evan!”

“James!” Evan shouted, and just about flew down the stairs to meet the stranger. The man was about Evan’s age, a bit shorter than him and lean. He was wearing nice clothes, a golf shirt with dress pants and shiny black shoes, with thin-rimmed glasses and styled bronze hair.

Eddie wondered how Evan knew this put-together rich looking guy.

“Huh, so here’s the famous James.” Hen remarked, coming up beside him. Eddie thought back, and realized that he did recognize the name. Evan had mentioned the guy before, more than once.

“You know him?”

“Not exactly, I know of him. He’s Evan’s best friend, they’ve known each other since they were teenagers. Apparently they lived together for a few years when Evan first started living here, until Evan got his own place. To hear Evan talk, James is probably the person he’s closest to in the world.” Hen explained, and Eddie couldn’t help but be a bit envious. He and Evan were becoming close friends, but there was still this wall that Eddie didn’t feel that he’d come close to breaching yet.

He wondered if James had, and what his secret was.

By now, Evan had reached James, and they were hugging each other close, not the manly bro hugs that Eddie was used to seeing between two guys, but a close embrace where he could see they were holding on to each other tight.

Because Eddie was a glutton for punishment, he started descending the stairs.

By the time he reached the bottom, Evan and James had parted from their embrace, and Evan was tugging the other man along, a look of amusement on James’ face.

“Eddie, this is my friend James. James, this is Eddie, my partner,” Evan introduced, and even though Eddie was aware Evan meant work partner, there was something in him that puffed up at the title.

“Ahh, the famous Eddie. He talks about you a lot,” James held out a hand, and they exchanged a firm handshake. Eddie couldn’t help but feel warm at the thought that Evan talked about him to his friend.

“All good things I hope,” Eddie joked, giving Evan the side eye. Evan rolled his eyes, but smiled at the two of them.

“Of course, I’d never tell anyone about that pub call last week when you-” Eddie leapt for Evan to cut him off, and Evan jumped back, cackling wickedly. That call was one that Eddie was never going to think of again, let alone speak of, and Evan knew it, the little brat.

“Ahh, good to know I’m not the only one he’s a shit to.” James remarked, looking more than a bit amused when Eddie and Evan turned back to him.

Evan slapped a hand to his chest, looking dramatically wounded.

“Betrayed by my own best friend!”

“You’ll live.” James retorted, and then they both laughed, that same cackle that Evan had when he wasn’t trying to restrain himself. It was like watching brothers, Eddie realized. Brothers who were partners in crime, with less of the sibling rivalry, and more of the sibling unity.

That settled some of the bristling in his chest, and he didn’t dare examine that further.

“What are you doing here? I thought you were busy tonight?” Evan asked, and James shrugged.

“The shindig got cancelled last minute, so I figured I could drown my sorrows with you if you’re up for it. Also wanted to finally meet your new crew.” He explained, and Evan beamed, spinning to face Eddie.

“Would you like to come with? We’re not staying out super late.” Evan asked, and Eddie couldn’t help but smile and nod. It was nice to be invited to things, and not have people assume that he couldn’t or didn’t want to.

“Yeah, sure. Abuela stole Christopher for the night, so I’m free.” Eddie said.

“Awesome! Let’s go!”

They ended up going to a local pub with a live band, not somewhere Eddie had expected Evan to like, but Eddie enjoyed the atmosphere and the lack of strobe lights and loud music. It also didn’t cost an arm and a leg to eat at, so he was able to order without worrying about the cost.

For the most part, Evan and James chatted back and forth, but they both kept Eddie included, and he found himself talking more about himself than he thought he would.

When Evan stood to go to the restroom though, James turned to him with a very serious look, and Eddie settled in for the interrogation.

That wasn’t what happened.

“Evan likes you Eddie, likes you a lot. He’s more relaxed with you than he is with a lot of people, and I want to thank you for being that for him.” James said quietly, and Eddie blinked.

“You sure about that? I feel like there’s a lot I don’t know about him.” He refuted, not wanting James to get the wrong idea. James flapped a hand at him.

“Of course there is, honestly there’s some things that I’m pretty sure he’s going to take to the grave, but that’s how Evan is. The big reason we’re as close as we are is because I was there for some of the big stuff. And I helped him out with a bit of it, so I’ve got a different perspective. And yet here you are, having met him after he’s learned how to deflect everyone away from the hard stuff, and he’s letting you in. He’s let you see him vulnerable, he’s letting himself become invested in you, and he hasn’t let himself do that outside the Nash family and me.” James said with surety.

“But he’s friendly with everyone in the crew, and I know he’s close with his old captain-” Eddie protested, not really seeing why he would be different.

“Yeah, he’s friendly on the job. He’s a nice guy, I’m not saying he’s not. But I wonder how many personal conversations he gets into with them where he actually says anything personal about himself. I bet he directs it to the other person and helping them out. Bobby’s probably the exception there.” James pointed out, and that made Eddie stop and think.

That…. wasn’t untrue. And yet, Evan did talk about himself with Eddie and Christopher. Not a lot, and certainly not anything traumatic, but he knew that Evan had worked hard to learn how to cook, because he’d never been taught as a kid. He knew that Evan didn’t have contact with any of his blood family except for his sister, and even that was fairly new. He knew that Evan hated hospitals, and had his own extensive first aid kit at home to minimize being treated by other people.

“Huh.”

“Yeah. Something about you drew Evan in. I think you’re good for him. Just be patient with him, alright? He’s the best friend I’ve ever had, and I’m rather picky about those.” James grinned, a light of mischief in his eyes. “Maybe you could join that exclusive club. If you’re alright with being friendly with a lawyer.”

Eddie couldn’t help but snort. James was funny, with a streak of sarcasm that appealed to Eddie.

“Well, I guess some sacrifices must be made,” he said dryly, and they clinked beer bottles with a laugh.

“Should I be happy or worried that you two are getting along so well?” Evan spoke up, having come back to the booth. Eddie and James exchanged a glance, then grinned at Evan in response, to which Evan sighed.

“Worried, definitely worried. What have I done?”

Eddie noted that Evan didn’t sound all that displeased about it though, and enjoyed the rest of the evening, even if James had given him a lot to think about.

xx

Evan knew he was attracted to both men and women. That was something he’d figured out before he left Harrisburg, when he’d found himself noticing how attractive Jamal the senior was. He’d kissed a couple girls as well, done some heavy petting at a party he’d snuck out to, but had never gone further than that before he’d run.

Then, he’d been a minor masquerading as an adult, and all too conscious of the lie he was living, so he never let himself even try to hook up. He hadn’t wanted to get anyone in trouble for sleeping with a minor, especially when they wouldn’t know that was what they were doing.

By the time he’d become Evan Buckley again, he hadn’t had the first clue in how to explore his sexuality, and also hadn’t considered it a priority. He was back with James soon enough anyway, and his friend was more than willing to give him all the hugs and cuddles he needed to soothe his skin hunger. And while he did consider his friend attractive, James was straight. Straight, but thankfully secure enough in himself to be fine with showing affection to his friends without freaking out.

James knew that Evan was bi, as he was the first person he’d come out to. And though Evan wasn’t necessarily in the closet, he hadn’t come out to anyone else that he knew.

It would lead to questions, questions Evan either couldn’t, or didn’t want to answer, and he didn’t think he could hide his feelings toward one particular person if that came up.

Eddie Diaz was trying to make things work with his wife, and Evan wouldn’t jeopardize that. Even if Eddie was swiftly becoming someone Evan thought he could trust with himself.

That resolve was put to the test when Eddie came over one night, agitated and looking for advice.

“Shannon wants to see Christopher.” Eddie burst out, and Buck just about choked on his drink. Eddie had been very close-mouthed about his estranged wife.

“Okay… isn’t that what you wanted?” Buck asked. He’d figured that Eddie had wanted her back, to get his family all back together, parents and child. He’d been a bit surprised that Christopher hadn’t been telling Buck all about it.

“Yeah, but…” Eddie grimaced, and pinched the bridge of his nose. It was one of the things he tended to do when he wasn’t sure how to say something.

“She left him once. What if I let her in, and then she walks away again?” He said, pained. Buck turned that over in his head. Shannon had left both of them, but Eddie was only focusing on Shannon leaving Christopher. Considering how hyper focused Eddie was on being the best possible parent to his son he could be, that was understandable, but Buck couldn’t help but feel a bit uneasy about it.

Maybe he was reading a bit too much into it.

“Okay, so you want to protect Christopher’s heart. Does he want to see his mom again?” Buck asked carefully. The kid had never really talked about his mom with Buck, but he didn’t think that Christopher quite knew him well enough to confide in Buck about something like that.

Eddie sighed.

“His Christmas wish to Santa was for his mom to come home,” he admitted, and Buck blinked.

Huh. Well that answered that question.

“I guess the question is if she’s willing to commit to having a relationship with him. If she is, then you and she need to hammer out what that’s gonna look like, so Christopher will know what he can expect.” Buck said slowly.

“She’s said that she wants to see him-”

“But does that mean she wants joint custody? Does it mean that she’s moving in with you guys? Or just wants to see him once a month?” Buck asked pointedly, feeling a bit bad when Eddie started looking overwhelmed again.

“I have no clue.” Eddie said after a few moments. “But you’re right, I need to find out.”

Buck badly wanted to ask what the hell he and Shannon had been talking about all this time if not about getting their family back together, and then decided it really wasn’t his business, especially with him being rather biased.

“Alright. I hope it works out,” Buck said.

“Thanks Buck. For listening. I’ve not handled this well,” Eddie sighed, “I just want my kid to be happy.”

With that, everything in Buck softened. Whatever flaws Eddie had, he truly wanted the best for Christopher, and Buck couldn’t help but admire that.

“Hey, Christopher is happy. You’ve done so much for him Eds, you’re such a great dad,” Buck said, nudging Eddie’s shoulder. “But you’ve gotta make sure that you’re happy too. Kids can tell when their parents are faking it. So talk to your wife, and get on the same page.”

Eddie looked at him with an expression that he couldn’t quite parse out. He didn’t think it was an angry or annoyed look, so he figured he hadn’t overstepped.

“Yeah,” Eddie said slowly. “I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks.”

Chapter 16: I Tried to Trust

Evan had wondered if Eddie had acted on their conversation when he went into work the next day, but had already resolved not to push him. It really wasn’t his business unless Eddie wanted to talk about it like he had last night. Still, he couldn’t deny that he was curious.

“Why were you going to Buckley for relationship advice?” Chim snarked as Evan got to the top of the stairs. “The man doesn’t know what the word commitment even means.”

“Excuse me?” Evan blurted, shocked into responding. Silence fell as the other firefighters whirled to face him, and some looked more than a bit guilty. Evan’s focus was on Chim and Eddie, who were facing off by the kitchen counter. Chim looked surprised, then smiled to cover it.

“C’mon Buckley, everyone knows you’ve probably got a different girl every weekend. What the hell are you doing trying to give Eddie advice? Do you want him to screw around? Just because you’re Bobby’s golden boy, doesn’t mean you should get free reign around here you know.” Chim laughed, but no one else did.

Evan felt numb, and didn’t even know how to respond. Where the hell had Chim gotten that idea? Was that really what everyone thought? That he was a player, a fuckboy? He’d thought the people here respected him, were they just faking it while he was around because he was close with Bobby?

“What on earth are you going on about Chim?” Hen spoke up, sounding appalled.

“Have you been spreading rumours about me this entire time?” Evan asked, finally able to get his voice out. “Is that what you think of me? I thought-” His gut roiled, and he thought he was going to be sick.

“Whoa, Evan, easy-” Hands came toward him, and Evan flinched hard. Then he saw it was Eddie, and had to walk away from his look of hurt.

He scrambled down the stairs, and ignored the calls of his name.

Once he got to the bathroom, he locked the door, and lost his breakfast in the toilet.

xx

The gutted look on Evan’s face was going to haunt Eddie for a long time to come. He whirled around to Chim, who was already getting crowded against the counter by Hen, Donovan and Cameron.

“What the hell was that?” Hen demanded in a dark tone, looking the most furious that Eddie had ever seen her.

“C’mon Hen, you know what he looks like. I’m just saying what everyone thinks, and it’s just a joke.” Chim said, rolling his eyes, and Eddie couldn’t stay quiet a moment longer.

“That wasn’t a joke,” Eddie snarled, and everyone looked at him. “That was you trying to smear the reputation of a fellow firefighter who has been nothing but respectful and trustworthy.”

“And that’s certainly not what everyone thinks, Chim, and you know it.” Hen chimed in, “Evan’s done nothing but be good at his job, and now you’re trying to drag him through the mud because you’re jealous.”

“Hen-” Chim protested, now looking pissed off.

“What is going on here?” Bobby’s voice cut through the space, and Chim went pale. As he should, Eddie thought with satisfaction. It was clear to Eddie from the start that Bobby and Evan were close outside of the station, though they were good at keeping it professional in the field. Bobby clearly held Evan to a high standard, but he did that with all of his firefighters, even Eddie, which he appreciated, and made him motivated to do his best everyday.

“Eddie, you go make sure Evan’s alright, we’ll take it from here,” Hen said, and Eddie didn’t hesitate to leave. He had a feeling Evan would go somewhere private, as the man didn’t seem to like being overly vulnerable in front of people.

The bathroom door was locked, like he expected, so he knocked.

“Evan? It’s Eddie. Can I come in? I just want to know you’re alright.” He asked through the door. There was a moment of quiet, then Eddie heard the flush of the toilet, the sink running, and then the lock clicked open. When the door didn’t open on its own, Eddie took a chance and pushed it open.

Evan was in front of the sink, looking in the mirror, back to Eddie. He could see Evan’s pale face with red-rimmed eyes, and felt an ache in his chest at Evan’s visible distress.

“You know I don’t believe a word Chim said, right?” Eddie started, wanting to make that clear. Sure, he’d never heard about any of Evan’s past relationships, but the man was clearly good with people, and had made very good points about Eddie’s relationship with Shannon. Even if Evan was having casual hook-ups, that was his business, and not something for Chim to be disparaging, or hinting that it made Evan a screw up, or whatever he’d been trying to convince people of. Evan whirled around to face Eddie.

“What about everyone else? I’ve worked hard to be someone people can respect and trust, someone who’ll have their back on the job. If people think I’m a fuckup, then there’s no trust whatsoever, and that’s dangerous Eddie!” Evan burst out, looking distraught. “What if this gets back to the brass? Rumours like this can ruin careers! What the hell did I do for Chim to think that’s acceptable to say?”

Eddie stopped and thought for a moment. He hadn’t thought about it like that. Evan was right, if Chim had been spreading that kind of thing around outside of the station, then there could be very real consequences for Evan, even if there wasn’t any truth to them.

That only made Eddie more furious at the paramedic.

“Well, considering the others’ reactions upstairs, they don’t believe a word of it, and Hen’s telling Bobby all about it. If he has been shooting his mouth off to other stations, then Bobby can clear things up, and you’d probably have a case to sue for slander,” Eddie assured him, and Evan groaned.

“That’s not going to make Chim hate me any less,” Evan muttered, and he slumped, looking dejected.

“Not your problem,” Eddie said firmly. “He brought this shit on himself. Now, are you okay? What he said was terrible, but you seem…” He trailed off, not sure how to put it. Evan’s reaction concerned Eddie a little.

“Like I’m overreacting?” Evan asked, voice flat.

“Kind of,” Eddie said bluntly. Evan looked to the side, not meeting his gaze. Then, he sighed, and rubbed his hands over his eyes.

“He hit a sore spot that I don’t want to talk about,” Evan murmured quietly, “please respect that.”

Well, that was probably the most polite shut down of a question that Eddie had ever been given.

“Alright,” Eddie said, and Evan looked at him, clearly surprised. Eddie wondered if Evan had thought he would push.

“You ready to come out? Bobby’s probably up to speed by now.” He changed the subject, and Evan relaxed a hair. He nodded, and came out of the bathroom, Eddie following close behind. Before they hit the staircase, Evan stopped, straightened his posture, took a breath, and settled his face into a neutral expression. Gone was the dejected tension. In its place was the confident air that Evan normally had in the field, that told everyone, victim and first responder that he knew what he was doing.

It was such a complete transformation that if Eddie hadn’t witnessed his earlier distress, he would never have guessed that Chim’s words had affected him so much.

Then Evan went up the stairs, leaving Eddie to wonder what else Evan hid behind the friendly mask he showed to everyone else.

And what did it mean that he let it slip for Eddie?

xx

The rest of the shift dragged on, with Evan feeling everyone’s eyes on him the entire time. Chim had been written up, but not sent home, meaning his gaze was feeling particularly hostile, but he’d clearly been cowed enough that he didn’t say a word to Evan for the rest of shift. Bobby had looked concerned, but thankfully hadn’t pulled him aside and put more attention on him. That would probably happen after shift, when they could act like the close friends and family that they were.

Eddie kept close to him, not exactly hovering, but somewhere close to that. It wasn’t as annoying as Evan thought it would be, partly because Eddie still followed his lead in the field like he normally did.

The biggest anomaly was the chilly distance between Hen and Chim. They still worked together well, but there wasn’t any kind of banter, and Hen was quick to split off from him when they came back to the station.

It was almost enough to make Evan feel sorry for Chim being iced out like that.

Almost.

He wasn’t surprised when Bobby held him back once the shift was done.

“Follow me home? I think you could use some time with family.” Bobby asked, and Evan didn’t protest. Time spent with the Nash family was good for him, and would help keep him from spiraling.

It wasn’t just the way Marcy and Bobby had embraced him from the beginning, but the way the kids had latched onto him as well. He’d spent a number of afternoons playing catch with the two of them, babysitting them during date nights for their parents, and even Christmas shopping trips when the kids didn’t want their parents catching a whiff of what gifts they were getting them. He knew the names of their school friends, the favourite and least favourite teachers, and RJ had even confessed to a short lived crush on a classmate to him, after swearing Evan to secrecy via pinky promise.

So the thought of spending time with all of them was soothing, and just what he needed.

It had taken him a while to really embrace that he was family to the Nash’s, and that he considered them to be his family in turn.

“Thanks Bobby.” He said quietly, hoping the man knew he was grateful, not just for today’s offer, but for everything.

Bobby pulled him into a tight hug.

“Anytime kid.”

Chapter 17: You Need to Chat?

When Eddie sat Shannon down for the conversation they really should have had weeks ago, she wasn’t all that eager to discuss anything.

“Of course I want to see Christopher, but I’m not going to pin myself down to your schedule Eddie.” She snapped, and Eddie bit his tongue, hard, in order not to snap back. He didn’t want this to flare up into a screaming match.

“So you’re not committing to any kind of visitation with our son,” he said slowly, hoping that she’d listen and actually think through the words.

“Visitation? Eddie, I’m his mother. I have the right to see him whenever I want!” She said indignantly, and Eddie wondered what had happened to change Shannon so much. He almost didn’t recognize the woman in front of him.

“It’s not about my schedule. It’s about making things consistent for Christopher, our son. Kids need stability, routines, you know that. That’s why I want to have things sorted out so we can reintroduce you, and move on from there.” Eddie gritted out. He was now very grateful to Evan for pointing out the need for this now, instead of after Shannon was back in his son’s life.

Shannon scowled, but stayed seated, so Eddie hoped that some of this was getting through.

“Funny that you’re so concerned about stability now,” she bit out, “didn’t seem like that mattered to you before.”

Eddie felt his temper fray, and snap like a bundle of dry twigs.

“Yeah, it did, or are you forgetting where Christopher’s health insurance came from? Where the money to buy the house came from? Are you forgetting the weekly video calls that I made sure to do so I could talk to both you and Christopher? I know I made mistakes Shannon. I didn’t talk to you about the things I should have, I wasn’t there in person to help, but don’t think that I didn’t care. You haven’t talked to either of us in years, didn’t offer any kind of support until now, and yet you just expect me to risk you breaking our son’s heart again.” Eddie somehow kept his voice down, but the way that Shannon jerked back made it seem like he’d shouted.

“I- Eddie- you don’t understand.” She said, eyes wet.

“You’re right, I don’t. So maybe you should take some time to figure out what you want and how we go from here. Let me know if you’re serious about being part of Christopher’s life again. I don’t think we should see each other until this is sorted. Let’s focus on the most important person in this, our son.” He said as firmly as he could.

This time, Shannon stood up, biting her lip and clenching white knuckled hands around her purse.

He waited for her to say something, anything to make him think that she would take this seriously.

She opened her mouth, then closed it and looked away.

Eddie closed his eyes and felt his heart crack a bit for Christopher. He wasn’t surprised when he opened them, that Shannon had left.

She was good at that.

xx

Evan knew something was up with Eddie the moment he came up the stairs to the loft in the station. It wasn’t so much in his facial expression, as it was in his stance. At the Academy, Eddie had often fell into something Evan assumed was parade rest when interacting with the instructors, back straight, head up, shoulders back. Any hint of a slouch or casual relaxation had been absent. When Eddie had started at the 118, it had been there for the first part of the first shift, but he’d quickly relaxed out of it with Bobby and the rest of the crew.

That stiff stance was back again, not in response to addressing a superior, but as if to hold Eddie together.

Evan didn’t like it, especially since he knew Eddie had been planning on speaking with Shannon regarding moving forward with Christopher.

Still, now wasn’t the time to ask, not with the rest of the crew around. He’d have to wait until he could get Eddie alone, or at least with a bit more privacy. It was a fact of life that a fire station was a hotbed of gossip, so if one didn’t want personal stuff floating around, you didn’t talk about it in front of everyone else.

Instead, Buck poured a mug of coffee, and handed it to Eddie when he reached the counter. Eddie blinked, took the mug, and some of the tension leaked out of his spine, making him look a bit more human.

“Thanks,” Eddie murmured quietly. Evan smiled and knocked his shoulder gently with his.

“I’ve got your back, even against evil mornings,” he joked, and Eddie snorted, smiling a little.

“And here I thought you believed mornings were wonderful,” Eddie snarked, and Evan shrugged.

“They are, but I am gracious enough to concede that not everyone thinks so. They’re wrong, but…” Evan spread his hands in a ‘what can you do’ motion, blinking innocently, and Eddie full on laughed this time.

“Whatever you say you weirdo,” Eddie snickered, and the last of the stiffness melted away for the moment.

Mission accomplished.

Eddie seemed more himself over the course of the shift, though in the downtime he would become more pensive again, checking his phone repeatedly, and never seeming to get whatever he was waiting for.

Evan wondered if he was waiting for a message from Shannon. It was stupid, and absolutely none of his business, but he couldn’t help but not think too well of Eddie’s estranged wife. He was biased, he absolutely knew he was, but he couldn’t help it. It wasn’t just because of his complicated feelings for Eddie, but because of Christopher. He couldn’t understand how Shannon had walked away from the kid. Walked away, and ghosted her own son for years. Maybe he was being a hypocrite, considering he’d ghosted his own family for years, but he was fairly certain Shannon wasn’t running from family members who were planning on killing her to harvest her organs.

Evan blinked at that train of thought. It really did make his life sound like an overdramatic movie, just like James had lamented one time when they’d gotten drunk.

Now it seemed like it was turning into a romcom, without the comedy.

Once the end of shift arrived, Evan waited for Eddie to finish up in the locker room, and walked out with him, both of them quiet.

“Could you come home with me? Chris is at school, but I need to talk this out with someone.” Eddie asked, and Evan tried not to be too eager with replying.

“Of course. I’ll follow you back. Want me to pick up anything?”

“Nah, I just did the shopping. Was just going to have coffee, talk and then sleep until school is out.” Eddie said, and Evan tried not to think of the possibility of sleeping with Eddie. It just showed how weird his brain was with Eddie. The idea of sleeping with someone outside of sex had only been something he’d done with his siblings or with James. He didn’t even feel completely comfortable sleeping at the Nash house. Sleeping at the station was different, since it was neutral territory for everyone, and sleeping lightly was all for the better when you needed to wake up for the alarm.

“Alright, see you there then.”

Evan followed Eddie’s truck though traffic, mind racing with what Eddie was going to tell him. He wasn’t sure if he was hoping that Shannon and Eddie would work things out or not. He really should be hoping they’d come to some agreement, at least for Christopher, but…. well, he just didn’t think much of the woman’s choices when they involved leaving a kid like Christopher behind with no contact.

By the time he pulled into Eddie’s driveway behind the truck, his thoughts had gone round and round in never ending circles, and he was just planning on keeping his mouth shut so he didn’t just blurt them out.

Thankfully, it didn’t take long for Eddie to start talking once they’d sat down at the kitchen table, both with a beer.

“She wouldn’t commit Evan,” Eddie said, both anger and defeat in his voice. “She said she wanted to see Christopher, but only when she wanted to, and basically accused me of wanting to tie her to my schedule. I tried reminding her that Chris needed something consistent, even if it was only a few times a month, and she wouldn’t have it. It’s like…” Eddie paused, and looked a bit nauseated.

“It was like Chris was a toy that she only wanted to have on her terms,” he murmured, and squeezed his eyes shut, like he’d said something terrible.

Granted, it was terrible, but not because Evan thought Eddie was lying or anything like that. No, Evan was horrified that Shannon didn’t seem capable of putting Christopher first.

“So what are you going to do?” Evan asked softly, nudging Eddie’s knee with his own. He wasn’t going to burst out with his own feelings on Shannon. That wouldn’t help the situation, and would likely make Eddie attempt to defend his wife. One thing Eddie had in spades was loyalty, even when it seemed to be misplaced.

“I’ll do what I have to to protect Chris. Which means hammering out a custody agreement once and for all, which means a divorce. Otherwise, she’s just going to keep avoiding the conversation, or try to distract me with sex,” Eddie said, a little shamefaced.

“I’m sorry Eds,” Evan said, and he truly was. It was clear that Eddie had been hoping for a better outcome, and Evan himself had wished for better for Eddie and Christopher’s sakes.

“Yeah… you don’t have anything to be sorry for though. You’re the one who made sure I was focusing on the important thing in this, our relationship with our son. It’s better to know now, than when Christopher got his heart broken again.” Eddie sighed.

“You’re a really good dad you know?” Evan said, impressed all over again by how Eddie was putting Christopher’s needs ahead of his own wants. It had obviously been a very hard conversation, but Eddie had done it for Christopher. His own parents would have done something like that for Daniel no doubt, but not for Evan. Never for Evan.

“I wasn’t at first. I pretty much ran away by enlisting, and then enlisting again without talking to Shannon. Like, we needed the money, and we definitely needed the insurance, but I left her to do the hard job by herself. When I got injured out, I promised that I was going to do right by them both, but I guess Shannon had just had enough. And I get that. But I can’t have her not committing to something, even if it means making this separation permanent.” Eddie admitted in a rush, looking away from Evan.

“Sounds like you’ve learned from your mistakes, and that’s more than a lot of parents,” Evan said, and Eddie looked back up. “Christopher thinks the world of you, and everyone can see how much you love him. You’re doing just fine Eddie.”

“Thanks Evan.”

Chapter 18: For Better or For Worse

Things seemed to move quickly after that. Chim was required to attend some sensitivity seminars, and Hen was keeping him in line whenever he seemed to be about to say something unwise. It seemed that he at least hadn’t been spreading his shit around to other stations, so Evan was able to calm down a little on that front.

Eddie on the other hand just got more stressed as he started divorce proceedings. Thankfully, Shannon wasn’t fighting it, but she wasn’t exactly being pleasant about it either, though they did finally get a chance for Christopher to spend some time with his mom.

Eddie hoped that it wouldn’t end in his son’s heart getting broken, but he knew all too well that he couldn’t protect him from everything.

He and Evan continued to spend much of their off-duty time together, sometimes with James, but often with Christopher, and Eddie considered Evan to be the best friend he’d ever had.

And then, the whole shift got accused of masterminding a heist to rob a bank.

xx

Sitting in an interrogation room facing down law enforcement had been a prominent nightmare in Evan’s teenage years, often ending with the cops leaving at his parents’ doorstep in chains, and him vanishing into the house forever. A bit dramatic, but he’d had zero trust in the police back then, and had only started building it back up in his years as a first responder.

The fact that these guys thought the 118 had robbed a bank? Wasn’t exactly making him feel very cooperative, even if he’d had more neutral feelings towards law enforcement.

He hadn’t said much, beyond asking to call his lawyer, which they did allow thankfully, but then they just kept asking questions, as if trying to trick him into answering without his lawyer.

He mostly kept his mouth shut, fully leaning into his right to remain silent. He was more concerned with just how the money got onto the truck. It had to have been when they were all distracted in the bank vault, but Morris still should have been with the truck. How hadn’t he noticed anything up? Unless he hadn’t left the driver’s seat, and not checked the side windows for anyone skulking around…

Hmmm…

Then, they decided to get more personal.

“You were listed as a runaway for almost two years. Care to tell us about that?” The agent leaned in close, and Evan barely managed to keep from scrunching his nose at the bad breath.

“Not really.” Evan said, “I think I’m gonna wait for my lawyer actually.” And he leaned back in the chair and shifted, as if to get comfortable.

Hopefully the others had done the smart thing and lawyered up. Otherwise he’d have to ask James for a favour. Sure, James wasn’t specializing in criminal defense, but he’d learned more than enough to act as one. Some people would probably question his sanity at putting so much faith in a lawyer who had only passed the bar less than two years ago, but those people didn’t know how brilliant James was.

“Now you listen here you punk-” The slam of the door opening cut off the agent’s bluster, and James strode in, wearing one of his best power suits that had been ironed perfectly, hair perfectly styled, looking ready to take on the world. He was very much his mother’s son.

“Oh, should we be talking about harassment charges already Agent Simmons? I dearly hope that you’ve been conducting this interview professionally.” James said, voice as cold and crisp as a winter’s day.

Evan somehow managed not to grin like a fool. It was wonderful to see James in his element. Agent Simmons looked taken aback for a moment, and leaned out of Evan’s space very quickly.

“I was merely asking your client about some irregularities in his past.”

“And that is relevant to today’s events? Or are you merely throwing everything at the wall in the hope that something sticks? I would hope for better from the FBI.” James retorted, and settled into the seat next to Evan. Under the table, his knee nudged Evan’s in a silent gesture of support, and Evan relaxed.

Everything was going to be just fine.

xx

Eddie looked up from where he was waiting for Evan’s interview to be finished, hoping that he hadn’t gotten grilled as much as he had. Eddie was somewhat used to being looked at with suspicion with his ethnicity, and figured that Evan would have an advantage being one of the whitest guys on the crew, but he was still worried.

Then, Evan came through the doors, with James following behind in a very expensive looking suit, and Eddie was pretty sure that the agents interviewing Evan had just been taken to the cleaners.

It was in the way that James’s blandly professional smile had more teeth than a hungry great white.

“Hey, you didn’t have to wait for me!” Evan exclaimed, smiling at him. He looked completely at ease.

“I know. I wanted to. Things went alright?” Eddie asked, and moved with them as they headed out of the building.

“Oh yes, I believe that they will start looking at some credible leads rather than trying to intimidate people into a confession, especially once I started offering to lend my services to the rest of the 118 pro bono.” James said, silkily as a smug cat. Now as a rule, Eddie didn’t tend to think well of lawyers.

He’d make an exception for James.

“Oh good, then they’ll stop looking at me for gang affiliations,” Eddie said lightly, and both men stopped and looked at him aghast.

“You? In a gang?” James spluttered. He looked mystified at the very thought, which was nice considering that James was a rich white boy.

“I’m more likely to have been in a gang!” Evan declared.

Both James and Eddie snorted, and gave each other a commiserating look. Evan was about the last person who’d ever be involved in gang activity. Eddie could more likely believe James to be a gangster than Evan.

“Sure Evan, whatever you say,” James said, patting Evan on the shoulder in a move so mocking Eddie was impressed.

Evan pouted.

Eddie was struck with the urge to kiss it off.

Wait, what?

Oh.

Oh no.

xx

Thankfully, the real culprits were found, though both Eddie and Evan were still stupefied by how convoluted the whole plot was. It was worthy of a telenovela in Eddie’s opinion, which greatly amused Evan as it had exposed Eddie as someone who watched said telenovelas.

The incredulity and amusement around that series of events didn’t last unfortunately. Not when the 118 came to the scene of the aftermath of a package bomb.

“I thought I left bombs behind when I left the Army,” Eddie murmured, shoulders tight with tension. Evan pressed close to his side, hoping the touch offered some comfort.

“It’s not something I’ve seen before. Accidental explosions, yeah, but not an actual purposeful bomb.” Evan said, not pleased himself that that streak had been broken.

The grenade call hadn’t counted as a bomb in Evan’s mind, as that had truly been an accident, absent of purpose and malice.

This on the other hand…

Well, the body bag made the difference very clear.

It would have been just a bad shift, hopefully to be forgotten and gotten over quickly, if there hadn’t been another package bomb just a couple days later.

Bobby looked especially grim when that report came in. They hadn’t been the station to respond, but this was now a citywide threat, so everyone was clamouring for information. The first victim had been a lawyer, the second one a judge.

“I’ve met the judge before,” Bobby remarked late that night, finishing up paperwork with a strong mug of coffee while Evan kept him company.

“Really?” He asked, a bit more awake now.

“Yeah,” Bobby hummed, “Was a couple years back, during that arson case I got in the middle of with Athena.”

Now Evan remembered. The 118 had responded to a restaurant fire, and Bobby had picked up on some suspicious signs, and followed up on it. It had been one of the numerous times Sergeant Athena Grant and Bobby had worked together in the capacities of their jobs, and Marcy had insisted on having Athena over for dinner after the conclusion of that case. Now, Athena and Marcy were close friends, along with Hen and Karen, which made the Ladies Wine Nights something to behold.

“That was the judge presiding over that case?” Evan asked. Bobby nodded.

“Yeah…” Bobby sighed. “I hope he makes it, but it wasn’t looking good from what I heard.”

The next bomb thankfully didn’t go off, but that was only because Marcy prevented Harry from picking up the unmarked package on the Grant doorstep. Marcy had been dropping Brooke and RJ off for the day for Michael to look after, and had seen the package just in time to realize something wasn’t right. The 118 had responded to that call, with Athena not far behind, ending up with Marcy being embraced by her husband and both adult Grants.

Evan had dearly wanted to join them, but needed to do his job.

His hands were still shaking when he got back to the station, at least until Eddie took them in his own.

“They’re alright,” Eddie assured him, though the look on his face was one of understanding. Evan shuddered.

“If Marcy hadn’t seen it…”

“But she did. They’re okay. And I’m pretty sure everyone we know is going to be on the lookout for these things.”

“But who’s the next target? And who the hell is doing this?” Evan asked, even though no one could answer that.

There wasn’t another bomb for the rest of the week, but Evan still couldn’t relax. He had a bad feeling about this, and each day of silence from the bomber only wound him up more. It felt like the early days of when he’d run from home, just waiting for someone to catch him and drag him back.

Something was going to happen, and Evan just wanted to get it over with so that he could do something.

Chapter 19: Like a Loaded Gun

Maybe it was because Bobby could see how wound up Evan could see, or maybe someone, i.e. Eddie, had said something, but both he and Eddie were invited to dinner with Bobby and Marcy a few days after the latest bombing attempt. The kids were out having a sleepover at the Grants, and Christopher was staying with Eddie’s abuela, so there was no worrying about picking up any kids.

It was supposed to just be a nice dinner to take their minds off of things.

Evan had picked up Eddie and driven them over, knowing Eddie hated driving when he didn’t have to. It bemused Evan a bit, as driving was still a sign of freedom for him and he preferred to drive whenever he could.

When they pulled into the driveway, the sun was already down and the remaining light was slipping away. Evan hadn’t been paying attention to anything more than parking.

Eddie on the other hand?

“Evan, do you see that?” Eddie said urgently, pointing over to Bobby’s car. Evan blinked, and looked over. They were right behind Marcy’s little Honda Civic, with Bobby’s SUV right beside it. Evan squinted, and then he could see what had caught Eddie’s attention.

“HEY!!!” Evan threw himself out of his car, startling the guy lying part way under the SUV undercarriage. He had pushed himself out and was starting to scramble to his feet by the time Evan reached him. Evan grabbed him and shoved him against the side of the vehicle when he tried to run, and then threw himself back to avoid the swipe of the knife the guy pulled.

“Whoa! Eddie, knife!” Evan yelped, warning his friend, and dodged another wild swing.

It wasn’t the first time Evan had been threatened with a knife. No, that had been shortly after the fire in Minnesota, before he’d settled in Colorado for a bit. He’d been spending the night at a bus station, waiting for the next bus on his planned route as he hadn’t wanted to try getting a motel room.

He’d almost ended up mugged by knifepoint, and had gotten lucky enough that one of his sloppy kicks had nailed the guy in the crotch and put him down for long enough to run away. After that, he’d been a lot more careful about where he slept.

He’d then taken a few self-defense classes, both on the road and here in LA, but one of the main lessons had been this.

The one with the weapon always has the advantage.

Thankfully this guy didn’t seem to know how to use it. He was holding the knife like he’d only learned how to handle one from watching tv, and that was probably what was going to save Evan right now. He was wearing dark clothes and a hoodie, and the hood had taken back to reveal a very young looking face. Evan would bet he wasn’t even out of his teenage years.

“BACK OFF! HE HAS TO PAY!” The kid yelled, and slashed again, only this time he leaned a bit too far forward, and Evan took the opening.

He stepped forward, grabbed the wrist of the hand holding the blade, and twisted, digging his nails into the skin to try and get him to drop the weapon. As he did, he turned his body so that he was essentially backing the kid back up against the SUV, using his weight to pin him to it.

The kid held onto the blade, trying to push him away at the same time, but Evan had a good fifty pounds and four inches on him. Then Eddie was there, prying the kid’s fingers off of the knife, until it clattered to the ground and Eddie was able to kick it away.

“GET OFF!” The kid shrieked in Evan’s ear, but he wasn’t budging.

“What’s going on here?!” Bobby’s voice boomed out, and Evan figured the commotion had gotten loud enough to alert the man even inside the house. Evan didn’t turn to look, not wanting the guy to take advantage of any distraction.

“Found this guy doing something under your car Cap. When Evan confronted him, he pulled a knife, saying someone had to pay.” Eddie reported, and Evan wouldn’t be surprised if his friend was standing at attention. You could take the man out of the military, but not the other way around. Evan still heard Eddie call Bobby sir on scenes at times.

Evan heard the footsteps, and pulled back enough for Bobby to see the guy’s face. He was still struggling, but Evan had a good enough hold on both his wrists by now that he couldn’t get any leverage.

“Freddy Costas.” Bobby said grimly, and Evan nearly got headbutted when the guy jerked forward.

“You know him Cap?” Eddie asked.

“Enough to know that he’s the bomber and why.” Bobby said. “Call 911 and get the bomb squad here. We need to get away from the car. Now.”

Xx

The bomb squad found a bomb attached to the undercarriage of the SUV, likely set to go off when moved. It was set squarely under the driver’s seat, making the target undeniably Bobby.

While Evan’s heart rate had long since calmed down once the police arrived to take Freddy into custody, he still couldn’t help but keep thinking what if they hadn’t pulled in when they had? What if they’d been fifteen minutes earlier or later? Would they then have learned about Bobby’s death on the news? Would the bomb have gone off when Bobby was driving with the kids?

How had they been so stupidly lucky?

And what if Evan had been alone? Sure, he’d pinned the guy, but Eddie had been the one to actually get the knife away. It would have taken only one unlucky strike to take Evan out, and then who knew if the SUV would have been checked.

Fuck. Evan’s hands were shaking, and he felt like he was going to hurl.

“Evan, you alright?” Evan looked up into Eddie’s face from where he was sitting on Bobby’s porch step, and didn’t know how to answer that question. Maybe Eddie could read his mind, or he just knew him well enough to guess, but he just shook his head and sat down next to him. Bobby and Marcy were giving a statement to a cop in a suit, likely the detective in charge, and while Evan and Eddie had given theirs, they had been instructed to stay put for now.

Probably for the best. Evan really shouldn’t be driving right now anyway.

“Definitely wasn’t expecting that,” Evan murmured, and shuddered.

“Not sure how anyone could. You were amazing though. You know how to spar?” Eddie asked, looking curious. Somehow the distraction helped.

“Not really, just basic self-defense. Almost got jumped when I was sixteen, and I picked some things up. Nothing like what you can do.” Evan explained. Eddie had made enough use of the punching bag at work for Evan to see that Eddie knew his shit, and actually had technique.

Maybe he should see if there were any gyms around that didn’t cost the earth for Eddie to join. Sparring with others might be good stress relief for Eddie.

“Well, I’m glad you picked that up. Not that you had to, but…” Eddie faltered, and Evan snorted. Good to know he wasn’t the only one who fumbled with his words.

“I get it. It’s come in handy, so I’m glad I made myself do it.” He said, and they both fell quiet for a bit.

Then-

“Do you think it’s over then, the bombings?” Evan asked, wanting it to be true.

“Well, from what Bobby said, Freddy was the one who wanted revenge, and his father is dead, so unless his mother is just as deranged…” Eddie shrugged.

Evan sighed.

“I don’t get it. Like, I get he was angry his dad was gone, but Bobby and all the other people were just doing their jobs.” He said, and felt very sad at the waste of it all. He knew better than most how grief and desperation could twist people, but…

It never made any sense to him.

“Didn’t matter to him. Maybe all he could see was his pain, and nothing else mattered.” Eddie leaned against him, warm against his side, and Evan slumped into him.

“But we stopped him.”

Evan tried to focus on that point as they waited. It became a bit easier when Bobby and Marcy marched over to pull both Evan and Eddie into a crushing embrace, all of them grateful for how things had worked out.

xx

It had been almost a month since Evan and Eddie had caught the bomber, and things seemed to have settled down somewhat. Like everyone had hoped, Freddy had been working alone, and all of the evidence needed to pin him for the other bombs had been found at his home. Maddie had not been impressed that Evan had been in harm’s way, but she couldn’t really argue that Evan had tried to seek the guy out himself. They’d literally stumbled upon him by chance.

Eddie wasn’t really sure how he felt about Evan’s sister. He knew that James wasn’t her biggest fan, though he never said anything explicitly against her. Eddie just remembered when Evan had told him about her showing up out of the blue, and how flustered the man had been about it. Not excited flustered, but uncomfortable and unsure. Certainly not how Eddie would feel about one of his sisters dropping in for a visit. As complicated as Eddie’s feelings were with his family from Texas, he did love them, and his relationship with Sophia and Adriana was miles more comfortable than the one with his parents.

In any case, he understood that she’d been concerned, and was fine with that, but wasn’t fine with the unspoken assumption that Evan had gone looking for trouble. Sure, he definitely didn’t shy away from the danger on the job, but he wasn’t stupid about it. Maybe in Evan’s own probationary year he could see it, but Evan now had close to five year’s experience on the job, and it showed in how he acted on scene and assessed the problems.

But Evan had handled Maddie’s concerns, and still wanted her in his life, and that was what mattered. Eddie would hold his tongue unless Evan was getting hurt, and then he’d step in, or tell James.

He’d gotten to know the other man over the last few weeks, sometimes having the two over to watch a game, or they’d go over to Evan’s place to play taste tester for a new recipe. James was snarky, quick-witted, and loved to throw shade at the people on trashy reality shows.

Eddie really wished he’d been able to know the two of them back when he was in high school. It definitely would have been entertaining.

In any case, something that was continually reinforced was how protective James was over Evan, and how much Evan trusted James. It wasn’t the trust that Evan had for the team on the job, trusting them to watch his back.

It was deeper. And Eddie selfishly wanted Evan to trust him like that. He hadn’t even known Evan for a year, since that first class Evan had sat in on, and yet he could see himself falling for Evan so easily.

Maybe he already had.

The divorce between him and Shannon had long since become final, and even though she had come to see Christopher a few times, she had already told Eddie that she wasn’t interested in any kind of joint custody. She also wasn’t going to be sticking around in LA for much longer.

It was shortly after Freddy’s arrest that Eddie and Shannon had broken the news to their son. Christopher hadn’t taken it well, and not even Shannon’s placating suggestion of Facetiming every once in a while cheered him up. Eddie hadn’t taken any pleasure in how devastated his ex-wife looked at Christopher’s upset. She’d left with the promise of a monthly call.

Eddie wondered how long that would last.

In the midst of it all was Evan.

Evan helped distract Christopher with trips to the zoo, playing Lego with him, helping with school projects… It was like in the wake of Shannon’s departure and the bomber’s arrest, Evan had ramped up his presence in Eddie’s house and in their lives.

Eddie was more grateful than he knew how to express.

Evan had also invited Eddie out to events with some of his old crew. To Eddie’s amusement, one of those things had been a trivia night that a local pub put on every month. There he met some of the old members of the 98, including Evan’s old captain. Evan was friendly with all of them, and Eddie observed more than a few references to inside jokes and such, but he couldn’t help but compare the interactions between them to the ones Evan had with James, Bobby and the rest of the 118, as well as himself.

Evan was more open with the 118, and with Eddie, and he wondered why. He’d been with the 98 for years, but they hadn’t managed to crack Evan’s defenses like the 118 had been able to. Sure, Chim was the exception, and he’d likely always be the exception even with his apology and less acerbic jokes at work, but otherwise Evan was closer with everyone else.

Eddie finally asked about it out loud after a long hard shift, and he’d asked Evan to follow him home, not wanting to be alone, and not wanting Evan to be alone, as James was out of town for the week.

They were sitting on the couch, side by side, and were on their second beers, when the question made its way past Eddie’s brain to mouth filter.

“You’re one of the friendliest guys I’ve ever met, and it’s clear the people you worked with consider you a friend, but you’re still closer with us, closer with me.” Eddie stated, “what’s so different about us?”

Evan blinked, looking down at his beer, and placed it down on the table, on top of a coaster of course. He was particular like that. Then he sighed.

“The 98 had good people. Good, steady people that are good on the job, were open to teaching people new things, and having each other’s backs. But outside of work, everyone had their own lives, and so we didn’t really mingle outside of stuff like these monthly trivia nights. I was fine with that, since I had issues when it came to trusting people,” Evan started, not looking at Eddie. “Both with my heart and my body.”

“You trust Bobby, though, and James.” Eddie said softly, and Evan nodded.

“James was there pretty much from the start, and if I hadn’t trusted him, I wouldn’t be here. Bobby…. well, he’s not betrayed my trust, even though he had every opportunity to, and a few reasons as well. I’ve been trying to be more open to people, but it’s hard when I feel like people will judge me for what I’ve done to get where I am.” Evan bit his lip. “What I’m trying to say is that when I started at the 98, I wasn’t in a place to let people in, to let my guard down in that way. Then it became a habit, something I became comfortable with. Then I got hurt, went to the Academy, and made a new best friend.” Evan smiled and nudged Eddie’s shoulder.

“Me? But-”

“I think I was getting ready to start letting people in. Bobby and his family were part of that, and then I met you and Christopher, and then the 98 shut down so I had to start anew. And I’m glad I did.” Evan looked at him with soft eyes, and Eddie couldn’t help but lean in. He stopped just short of kissing him, not wanting to jump the gun.

“Evan, can I-”

Evan leaned the rest of the way in and kissed him softly and sweetly.

It was a chaste kiss, more a gentle press to the lips, and yet was more intimate than the passion filled makeouts he’d had with Shannon before their divorce. They parted briefly, sharing a breath, and then Evan pressed his brow to Eddie’s.

“You want me?” Evan asked, voice trembling a little. “Even though I’m still keeping secrets?”

Eddie pulled back so he could look Evan in the eyes without going cross-eyed, slipped off the couch to kneel in front of Evan, and took his hands. Evan blinked, but didn’t tug them away.

“Here’s what I know about you Evan.” Eddie started, speaking slowly so he could get the words right. “You’re brave, you love my son like he’s your own, you have my back no matter what, and you don’t judge people. Your sense of humour is quirky as hell, you’re an absolute beast at trivia, and you probably hate hospitals more than anyone I’ve ever met.” Evan rolled his eyes, but didn’t deny it. Not that Eddie would have let him. He’d seen far too many times where Evan had gone out of his way to avoid stepping foot in a hospital to let it go.

“You’ve also got a heart of gold, and I know those don’t come cheap.” He finished, and Evan looked like he didn’t know what to say. But at least he wasn’t running, so Eddie counted that as a win.

“I don’t know how to believe that.” Evan said softly, but Eddie noticed he didn’t outright say no.

“Then I guess I’ll just have to keep reminding you,” Eddie said, smiling at him.

Evan’s answering smile may have been small, but it was real, and that was good enough for Eddie.

“While I hope that someday you’ll talk about the things you’re afraid of sharing, I don’t think it’s anything that will scare me away. I want to date you, to see where this goes, and I still have things that I haven’t talked about with you that are hard to talk about.” Eddie said, thinking about everything he hadn’t said about the helicopter crash, and all of his mistakes with Shannon.

“The big question is, do you want to give this a try?”

Eddie waited with bated breath, not daring to move. He hadn’t gone into this conversation thinking to confess, but he didn’t regret saying it. Unless of course this was the thing to scare Evan off. However, he didn’t think it would.

His faith was rewarded when Evan smiled, nodded, and pulled him into another kiss.

Chapter 20: My Own Miracle

Evan’s dating experience was not extensive. He’d had more hookups than actual relationships, and even those had been few and far between. Part of that had been once he was actually old enough to participate without running the risk of having his sex partner get dinged for sleeping with a minor, he felt both awkward and didn’t have a lot of trust for anyone regarding his body.

Moving in with James when he’d first come to LA had helped, as he’d had a safety net and a very willing wingman. James had less than zero interest in having sex with Evan, but seemed to have an eye for noticing when others did, and pointed them out to Evan, until Evan learned enough of the tells to figure it out himself. So, he wasn’t a virgin by any sense, but it had been a while since he’d scratched the itch so to speak. Even when he’d gotten a place of his own, he hadn’t taken advantage of that to bring people home.

It meant that the idea of dating Eddie was both exhilarating and terrifying, as he was absolutely sure that he was going to fuck this up somehow.

“You’re not going to fuck it up Evan,” James said over the phone. Evan had called him immediately after getting home from Eddie’s place, not even realizing it was past midnight until James had informed of that in an exasperated voice. Of course, when Evan made to hang up, James had insisted on Evan telling him exactly why he had called him in a panic, and the whole story came pouring out, along with Evan’s doubts and fears.

“How do you know? None of my past relationships have worked out!”

“Because you didn’t trust any of them, and none of them worked to earn that trust. Eddie’s nothing like them, trust me on that at least.” James said firmly.

“Yeah, but-”

“At least go on a date with the guy before you start self-sabotaging.”

“I’m not-”

“You’re looking for every little thing that could go wrong before you’ve even started. Yeah, you’ll probably need to tell him your whole story eventually, but he’s not going to blame you for any of it. He’s a good guy, and he cares about you. I’ll still make sure he knows to treat you right or he’ll be drowned under the largest mountain of paperwork I can get, and he’ll get the wrath of Papa Bear Bobby set on him.”

“James!” Evan whined, and James just laughed at him. Somehow his friend’s mockery was helping to get him out of his spiral. Every time Evan worked himself up, James would be able to get him to calm down, though his methods would probably not be ones regularly recommended.

They worked though.

“In all seriousness, I’ve never seen you so gone on someone before. If and when you want to tell him about, well, everything, just know that you have people in your corner. I don’t think you’ll need it though.”

If James, jaded as he was, thought that Eddie would take it well, then maybe Evan didn’t have to worry.

Still…

“That doesn’t change the fact that my experience in successful relationships is zip.” Evan said.

“Yeah, so is Eddie’s, considering he’s divorced. You’ll be on an equal playing field in that respect,” James pointed out.

“You’re just not going to let me mope at all, are you.”

“Nope!” James sang out. “Now go to bed. I know you had a 24 not that long ago, and you always get a bit nuts when you’re sleep-deprived. I’ll see you in a few days, and I’ll hear all about your date. Goodnight!”

Then he hung up on him.

Evan couldn’t help but laugh. Even as things changed, there were some things that stayed the same, and James’ irreverent bluntness was one of those things.

It was oddly reassuring.

“I guess I’m giving this a go then.” He murmured into the quiet.

xx

Everything had been going well. He and Eddie had gone on a few dates, each one more and more comfortable, and they were making it work with being partners at work. It helped that Eddie’s probationary period had ended, so they could give Bobby the papers for HR without the layer of Evan being Eddie’s main trainer complicating things.

Bobby hadn’t looked all that surprised, and had reminded Evan that while he knew Evan hadn’t told him everything, and might never, he still knew him well enough to see that there was something different between him and Eddie.

“I didn’t want to push,” Bobby said afterwards, having enlisted his help in the kitchen while the others were working on chores. “You’ve mentioned other dates before, but they never seemed to go anywhere, and Marcy and I weren’t sure if that was something you ever wanted to talk about with us, but…”

Evan paused in chopping the onions for the stir fry.

“But?”

“You look more settled, calmer, and just plain happier kid.” Bobby finished, “Eddie’s a good man. I hope this works out for you both.”

The rest of the 118 seemed equally as supportive, even if Hen had to elbow Chim into silence when he let out a less than tasteful remark about it.

Some people just didn’t change all that much.

Christopher had been ecstatic.

“You’ll get to be here all the time now!” He had cheered, and Evan had gotten more than a bit teary-eyed at the enthusiasm. It was a bit early to think about moving in, like Christopher seemed to think he should do right that moment, but he was glad the boy didn’t seem to have a problem with it, even with his ongoing issues with his mother.

And Eddie?

Eddie was himself, with moments of adorable awkwardness mixed with surprisingly suave moves, combined with his sassy dry humour. Dating hadn’t completely changed their relationship, but had simply expanded it.

There were more affectionate touches, more kisses, and more moments where they could just look at each other with appreciation without having the urge to look away.

Of course, in the midst of all this, there was the elephant in the room.

And it got a whole lot bigger and more noticeable after a coffee date with Maddie.

“You what?!” Evan yelped, and then got shushed by his sister when the other patrons turned to look at their table.

“Calm down Evan!” Maddie scolded, and he gave her an incredulous look.

“You invited Mom and Dad to LA, and you expect me to be calm?!”

“They reached out to me Evan, and they want to be better. We’ve already lost Daniel, I don’t want to lose more family if I can help it.”

“Do they know I’m here?” Evan asked, knee bouncing with his anxiety. When Maddie didn’t answer right away, his heart sank.

“Maddie? You didn’t.”

“I told them I’d found you, that you were alive and okay. They want to see you, to make amends.” She pleaded with him. “They can’t hurt you, just give them a chance.”

Evan stared at her. He’d thought he made it clear to her that he didn’t want anything to do with them ever again. He thought she’d understood.

“No.” He got up from the table, grabbed his jacket and walked away, ignoring his sister’s calls for him to come back.

One of his worst nightmares had come to life, and he had no clue what to do about it.

xx

There was something very wrong with Evan, and everyone in the 118 could see it. Evan had arrived almost late to the shift, which never happened, and he’d been jittery since he’d gotten there. His phone had kept chiming with notifications until he’d turned it off and thrown it on the coffee table, and he kept saying he was fine when questioned, even though he was clearly not fine.

Eddie didn’t want to push him into answering with an audience around, but he was worried about Evan’s state of mind, especially when the only thing Eddie could think of that could affect Evan like this was his meet up with Maddie. He didn’t want to think that was the cause, but…

If Evan wouldn’t talk to him after shift, he’d have to call in the big guns. James.

So Eddie just made sure he stuck as close to Evan as he would allow, and Bobby was lenient in allowing it.

Finally, in the middle of a calm period where a bunch of the crew were taking a nap in the bunks and Bobby had retreated to his office to catch up on reports, Eddie and Evan managed to have a quiet space to themselves.

“What’s been going on with you? You’re really keyed up.” Eddie asked, and Evan slumped onto the couch, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Maddie decided to invite our parents to LA, and they’re coming tomorrow.”

“But you’re not in contact with them.” Eddie said, hoping that he’d remembered right.

“Yep.”

“And she invited them anyway.”

“Well, she says they reached out to her first, but yep.”

Eddie’s opinion of Maddie took a nosedive.

“And sooner or later, they’re probably going to show up here, because she told them I’m here. Despite me telling her not to when she first arrived here. She says they want to make amends, which apparently means she can ignore all of my boundaries with them.” Evan snarled, looking the most pissed off Eddie had ever seen him.

“Well that’s messed up. Have you told Bobby? He can probably make sure they can’t get to you here, or at least threaten to call the cops on them.” Eddie suggested, and Evan nodded.

“Yeah, I was going to tell him after shift. He knows I’m no contact with them, so he won’t press for more. I’m a bit worried they’re just going to show up at the apartment, since who knows if Maddie will keep my address from them.” Evan bit his lip, picking at his nails like he tended to when under stress.

“You could stay with me for a bit. I’m pretty sure Maddie hasn’t been over to my place yet, and you haven’t given her my address, right?” Eddie asked, and Evan shook his head.

“I’ll take you up on that. Thanks…” Evan leaned over to rest his head on Eddie’s shoulder.

“Anytime. Do you have any pictures or something so I know who to avoid?” He asked, kicking himself for not thinking to ask earlier.

Evan stilled, and then picked his phone up and turned it back on. He opened up Facebook, and swiped through it a bit, and then handed it over.

It was on Maddie’s page, a picture from almost three years ago. Maddie was standing with an older couple, and there was enough of a resemblance between the man and Evan for him to guess that these were his parents.

None of them looked genuinely happy in the picture, smiles fixed and plastic looking.

“I’d show that to Bobby, so he knows who to watch out for.” Eddie suggested. Evan took the phone back and sighed.

“I just… Maddie knows what they did, why I don’t want to see them, and she did this anyway. I was just starting to trust her again, but now…”

Eddie’s heart hurt for him. He knew better than most how painful it was to be at odds with family, and how much it hurt when those you loved weren’t on your side.

“I’m sorry she did this. All I can really say is I’ve got your back.” He murmured, and planted a kiss on his head. Evan giggled, and lifted his head up to look at him, blue eyes soft.

“I know, and I’m grateful. Thanks Eds.”

“Anytime.”

xx

They didn’t show up at the station. He knew they were in LA, because Maddie had told him in a bid to try and get him to agree to meet with them.

He’d left her on read.

Evan managed to avoid them for three days by staying at Eddie’s place, Christopher very pleased to have him around to make pancakes for breakfast.

So of course, the day he’d needed to go back to his apartment to get more clothes and do some cleaning was when he ran into them, right outside his door in the hallway.

They turned when he rounded the corner, so there was no creeping away and pretending he never saw them.

Fuck.

It was just the two of them, no Maddie. She was likely on shift, and he wasn’t sure if he was thankful for that or not.

“Evan.” His father said, voice flat. Evan’s mouth was dry, and he wondered what he could say. So, instead, he looked at his parents for the first time in nearly a decade.

His parents had aged. His father’s hair was now entirely gray, and his mother’s face had a few new lines around her eyes and mouth.

He was taller than Phillip now. He hadn’t quite finished his growth spurt when he’d left, and hadn’t realized what that meant.

He’d probably been quiet for a bit too long, as his mother’s face twisted into a scowl.

“Aren’t you going to invite us in Evan?” She scolded, and suddenly Evan could speak again.

“No.”

Both his parents blinked, as though his refusal was inconceivable.

He wondered why on earth they thought he would invite them into his home.

“Evan, you’re not going to just leave us out in the hallway, are you? I know we taught you more manners than that.” She sneered, and maybe as a kid he would have done anything to appease her, but now he wasn’t going to take it.

“I’m not letting you in, because I don’t want you in my home. I didn’t want to see you period, and I told Maddie that, and you absolutely know why. I just don’t know why you’re here, and what you’re going to get out of that.” Evan retorted, honestly a tiny bit curious about that.

“Don’t you take that tone with us!” Margaret snapped, blue eyes going cold, painted lips thinning to a line. It was a look he’d dreaded as a child, knowing it would lead to a criticizing lecture.

He wasn’t going to take it as an adult.

“Or what? Are you going to cut me off? Tell me you don’t love me? Newsflash, I cut myself off and I already know that my only value to you was as a body to take apart for Daniel.” Evan said, voice cold as ice. Both his parents flinched.

“That’s not what-” Phillip started, and Evan cut him off with an ugly snort of disbelief.

He wasn’t going to let his father pretend that conversation he’d overheard all those years ago had never happened. He wasn’t going to let them rewrite history to assuage their own guilt, to give them justification for blaming him for Daniel’s death.

So maybe he lost his temper a little.

xx

Eddie had planned to meet Evan at his apartment after dropping Christopher off at school, having a bad feeling about leaving Evan alone. If he had his way, he would have just plain asked Evan to move in, even if they’d barely been dating a month. Things felt right in a way that he hadn’t experienced before, and everyone knew that Christopher was fully on board.

Eddie would still wait a bit more before popping that question.

In any case, he saw that Evan’s Jeep was still in the parking lot, so at least he hadn’t missed him yet. He slipped inside with one of Evan’s neighbours who recognized him as a regular visitor, and jogged up the stairs, not wanting to wait for the elevator.

Once he opened the door to the hall from the stairwell though, he froze in place, hearing Evan’s voice, ice cold and furious.

“Oh, but it is. I heard you two. After Daniel got his lung transplant, I heard you two lament how the doctors wouldn’t even hear of using me for it, since I was still a living donor. I heard how Margaret figured that when those lungs failed, they’d make sure mine were ready to go, even if that meant causing an ‘accident’ to render me brain dead. One final harvest of their organ farm.” He snarled, and Eddie froze as a bunch of pieces fell into place.

This was what had made Evan run. This had been what drove Evan away from his home, that made him feel that he was safer alone than with his parents.

Eddie felt like he was going to be sick.

He’d known that there’d been something very wrong in Evan’s past, and had gathered more and more pieces over time. He could remember very clearly their first conversation, where the younger man had admitted he had trust issues.

Then, he noticed more things along the way that had started to build a vague picture. The way that Evan had been so insistent on the kids of their group having choices. The way that he’d been so concerned about Christopher not getting the right medical care from Eddie’s parents. The way that he almost never spoke about his family, until his sister had shown up, and even then getting details was like pulling teeth.

Eddie wasn’t sure how many other people knew that Evan had an older brother who’d died of lung cancer. Evan using the words organ farm to describe himself, plus his complete avoidance of his parents.

It all added up to one thing.

Evan had been a saviour sibling for his brother, and his parents had been willing to kill him to donate to Daniel.

Eddie must have made a noise, because Evan turned, saw him standing there, and went dead white.

“Eddie?”

“Evan.” Eddie unfroze and rushed to him, planting himself between his boyfriend and Evan’s parents. They looked older than the people in the picture Evan had shown him, with disapproving scowls and cold eyes.

They looked nothing like Evan, despite some superficial similarities.

“How about we go home?” He said, turning his back on them, focusing only on Evan, who looked like a wind would blow him over. Eddie would need to tell him that this didn’t change how he felt about him, even if he had a million more questions, but right now he needed to get Evan away from these people.

“Evan’s not going anywhere-” Evan’s father started blustering, but Eddie cut him off, whirling around.

“You have no say in what Evan does, so back off.” He snarled, and both of them flinched.

“Mom, Dad, just go. Nothing you say now can change what you did, and I don’t forgive you. Just leave me alone, and I won’t put us all through the embarrassment of getting a restraining order.” Evan said, standing tall and straight, a bit of colour back in his face. Then, he turned back to Eddie, and reached out with a hand. Eddie took it, and Evan pulled it to his mouth and brushed a kiss over his knuckles in full view of his parents.

His mother made a noise like a boiling kettle, and Eddie smirked.

“Let’s go mi amor.” Eddie purred, and finally Evan smiled.

They walked away, and his parents didn’t follow.

xx

They made the drive back to Eddie’s house in silence, both in Eddie’s truck. The silence was alright though, because Eddie was holding Evan’s hand tightly, thumb making soothing circles on it, and Evan thought that even though he hadn’t wanted things to come out like that, things would be alright.

James definitely would have appreciated the telling off Eddie had given them, as well as shoving his relationship in their faces. His parents had always been the kind of conservative to not openly disparage homosexuality, but to be clearly disapproving of it.

Maybe it would be one more thing to keep them away from him.

He wondered how long it would take for Maddie to start trying to call him again.

First things first though, it was time to finally tell Eddie his story.

For once, the thought didn’t fill him with dread.

They were still quiet when Eddie pulled into the driveway, silently leaving the truck and getting into the house.

They found themselves in the kitchen.

“I guess you’ve figured out that I’m a saviour sibling?” Evan broke the silence, and Eddie nodded.

“Knowing that your brother died of cancer, and what I overheard, that’s what made sense.”

“I… Let me get it out before you say anything else. It’s the first time I’ve had to explain everything since I told James, and then he was there for the rest of it.” Evan asked, and Eddie nodded, eyes fixed on him and intent.

And Evan started from the beginning, when he was still a kid who believed his parents loved him.

xx

Eddie listened, and stayed quiet, learning about the events that had made Evan the man he was today.

The relationship between James and Evan made a lot more sense to Eddie now. That bone deep trust, the sense that James would literally help Evan hide a body if need be, the amount of protectiveness James had for Evan.

James had been able to help Evan escape the people who would have killed him, and he’d done it as a teenager. Granted, he’d had access to money and connections, but it certainly spoke to the deep bond the two of them had that they pulled it off successfully.

He wondered what he would have done in the same position. Would he have been able to make it on his own? Would he have tried to stick it out under a roof that was no longer safe?

He didn’t know.

Evan only cried when he spoke about finding out about Daniel’s death. Evan had loved him, adored him, but Eddie was so relieved that he hadn’t tried to die for him. Evan had somehow learned to value himself, and Eddie was pretty sure he could credit Daniel with a good bit of that. The man had loved Evan, and that love had helped sustain Evan past the guilt and grief.

Eddie wished he could have met him.

The revelation of how Evan had met Bobby was like something out of a movie, complete with the unlikely meeting years later. No wonder Bobby had all but adopted Evan. The man probably felt like he owed Evan his world. Eddie certainly would have in his place.

When Evan fell quiet, looking at him pensively, Eddie did the only thing he could. He got up, went over, and hugged him close. It was awkward, him sitting and Eddie standing, but they made it work, and Evan held on just as tightly.

“You’re amazing, you know that? You’re so strong, and I’m so glad I met you,” Eddie murmured, and Evan’s breath hitched.

“You’re not mad I didn’t tell you sooner?” He asked, and Eddie shook his head.

“It’s a lot to talk about. And you never lied to me, so we’re good.”

“How are you even real?” Evan breathed, and Eddie laughed.

It should really be Eddie asking that question.

“Well, I’m real, and so are you, so I guess we both win.” He said, and Evan laughed, eyes dancing.

As he drew Eddie in for a kiss, Eddie marveled at how one person could affect so many people and change them for the better.

Abuela would probably call it something like a miracle.

Eddie kind of liked the sound of that.

His own miracle.

Epilogue

Evan sighed at his phone, wondering if he should be taking Maddie at her word this time. After the confrontation with his parents, and he and Eddie’s heart to heart, he’d spoken with Maddie and laid down his boundaries. She’d seemed remorseful, especially after he’d gotten her to admit she’d given them his address, but that wasn’t enough for him to just forgive and forget. Thankfully, their parents had left LA soon after, apparently not having gotten what they’d been after, so that was one less thing for Evan to have to worry about.

In the aftermath, it left Maddie and Evan having to tiptoe around each other, seeing if they could start to rebuild the trust that had been broken. Maddie had said she was willing to go to therapy with him, which was unexpected to say the least.

It had also opened up the idea of actually talking about his years on the run, with a mediator between them.

He hadn’t given her an answer yet, but the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to give it a try.

Still, he’d sleep on it before giving an answer.

“What’s going on mi amor?” Eddie asked as he wrapped his arms around Evan from behind. Evan flushed and smiled like he always did when Eddie brought out the pet names. Eddie had started doing it more after the confrontation with his parents, and seemed to enjoy flustering Evan with them.

“Maddie suggested doing joint therapy.” He said, waving his phone. “I think it might be the best way to get through talking about the hard stuff without fighting.”

Eddie hummed, but didn’t say anything. Evan wasn’t surprised. Eddie had a hard enough time talking about things with people he trusted, let alone a stranger. He figured he’d recruit Bobby into helping reframe it for Eddie, but it wasn’t something that Evan wanted to rush.

“I’m going to sleep on it, then get back to her.” Evan said, and Eddie dropped a kiss on his shoulder.

“Sounds good. You staying the night? Christopher’s staying with Magdalena’s kids, so we won’t have to pick him up until tomorrow morning.” Eddie told him, and Evan could hear the smile in his voice. Magdalena was one of Pepa’s kids, whose own children were a bit younger than Christopher, but still fun playmates for the boy.

“Sure, I’d like that,” Evan nodded, leaning back into Eddie’s grasp. They’d slept together more than a few times now, though it had been just sleeping, both wanting to take the sexual side of it slow. Not to say there hadn’t been some groping and grinding above clothes, but there hadn’t been any full nudity yet.

Evan idly wondered if that could change soon.

“And maybe we can try something more before we sleep. Something with less clothes.” Eddie rumbled, and Evan shuddered and warmth licked up his spine.

It was times like this that made Evan wonder if Eddie could read his mind.

“Y-yeah?”

Eddie chuckled, and moved his hands down until his thumbs were brushing his skin beneath his shirt, just above the waistband of his sweats.

“That sound like a plan?”

“Yes!” Evan couldn’t help the eagerness in his voice, but he’d like to see anyone else remain calm and collected with someone like Eddie caressing them.

“Then let’s move this to the bedroom, and enjoy ourselves.” Eddie instructed, and then removed his hands and backed away.

Evan inhaled sharply, trying not to whine, but managed to stumble to the bedroom, Eddie following behind. As soon as the door was shut and locked behind them, Eddie pulled Evan to him and met his lips for a kiss.

There had been moments in the past when Evan had wondered if he should have just pushed through his discomfort and gotten more sexual experience in the past years. Moments when he wondered if he should have just sucked it up, no matter that being that vulnerable with his body in front of anyone had made him want to run away at the thought.

Until now.

He trusted Eddie. With his back, with his life, and with his heart. And he was going to show it in yet another way. He knew without a doubt that if he said he just wanted to sleep together, no sex, that Eddie would have no problem with it and that’s what they would do.

And that was a big reason why Evan was more than fine with going ahead with it.

And so, instead of gentling the kiss into something chaste and stepping away, he moaned and melted into Eddie’s grasp, feeling safe beyond measure. Eddie’s hand tightened on his hip, while the one cupping his cheek slid into his hair, fingers twining through his curls and gripping firmly, but not too tight.

It sent lightning down his spine, and he nearly choked as the heat in his belly flared.

Apparently he liked his hair being pulled. Who knew, because he sure as hell hadn’t.

Evan’s hands finally got the memo to move, and he swept them up Eddie’s back, taking the time to feel the wonderfully firm muscle. Eddie had only bulked up further from his Academy days, the past months of firefighting with the 118 putting on more muscle, and Evan loved it. Nobody he’d ever kissed or fooled around with had come close to matching his own strength, even as a teenager. While he had the edge on height, he knew without a doubt that Eddie could move him however he liked, and the thought didn’t scare him at all.

Eddie pulled back, separating their mouths, and Evan drowned in his eyes. His mouth curved into a smirk, sexy and confident, as he tugged on Evan’s hair again.

“Eddie…” Evan trailed off, trying to focus enough so his knees didn’t give way.

“I’ll remember this,” Eddie crooned, giving one last tug, and then stepped forward, forcing Evan back until the back of his legs met the edge of the bed. They stopped there, pausing for a breath, which helped Evan get his voice back.

“I want to see you,” he murmured, hands slipping around Eddie’s front to tug at the collar of his Henley.

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours,” Eddie replied, and wasted no time in pulling his shirt over his head, revealing golden skin and defined abs and biceps.

Evan’s breath left him in a shudder, and he barely remembered to take his own shirt off.

It was hard not to flush when Eddie’s eyes looked at him with so much heat and adoration, focusing on the parts of his chest marked with ink. It had been something he started doing when he left Minnesota, a way of starting to reclaim his body, even when he hadn’t been able to claim his own name.

None of the tattoos were big, or especially colourful. He’d been on a budget, and needed to get them done in a single session. Still, each one held meaning for him, and that had been what he’d wanted.

Eddie’s body was also marked with ink. Evan wondered at the stories behind them. Were they all deliberate, or were some the evidence of a night’s poor drunken decisions? Would he ever tell the stories behind them to Evan?

“Beautiful,” Eddie murmured, bending to press a kiss to a tattoo over his heart, and Evan sighed, eyes slipping closed.

This wasn’t as hot and frantic as he’d thought their first time would be. Yes there was passion, and his blood was heating up with every move Eddie made, but there was softness too.

It was the softness that was making him come undone.

“Look who’s talking,” Evan retorted breathlessly. Eddie chuckled, and Evan’s eyes flew open when that mouth closed around his nipple.

“Ah!” The sound was forced from him in surprise. No one had ever paid his chest that much attention, not even himself, but his reaction seemed to spur Eddie on as he began to lick and suck at the nub. Evan couldn’t help but cling to Eddie desperately, especially as his knees turned to jelly.

“Need to sit down!” He gasped, and Eddie lifted his head, smirked, and pushed him down onto the bed. He then straddled his thighs before dipping down to latch onto the other nipple. Evan whined high in the back of his throat, and slid one hand up into Eddie’s hair, trying not to grip too hard.

He had the feeling Eddie was going to be taking advantage of Evan’s newfound sensitivity in the future.

Eddie’s fingers dipped beneath the waistband of his sweats, and Evan nodded, giving Eddie leave to stand and pull his sweats and his underwear down his legs, tossing it aside, before kneeling between his thighs, hands gripping his hips.

Heat engulfed his cock as Eddie took him into his mouth. If Eddie wasn’t already pressing down on his hips, he likely would have almost bucked Eddie off, he jerked so hard. It wasn’t the first blow job he’d gotten, even if it was the first one from Eddie, but he hadn’t reacted nearly so strongly to them before.

“Eddie!” He moaned, gripping the sheets tight enough he distantly worried about tearing it. Eddie hummed, the vibration traveling up Evan’s cock, and made him shudder, trying not to come so soon. Eddie continued to suck, bobbing his head up and down his length, and Evan could feel his orgasm getting closer and closer and-

Then Eddie pulled off.

“Eddie!” Evan shouted, held on the edge, but unable to budge Eddie’s grip on his hips. Eddie looked up at him with a sinful smirk.

“I’m not done with you yet Evan,” He purred, and Evan nearly came just from that. He moaned, eyelids fluttering.

“Dios you’re amazing,” Eddie said, moving up to straddle his hips. The denim of his jeans brushed Evan’s cock, and he shuddered at the texture. Just as he opened his mouth to beg Eddie to do something, Eddie took the words out of his mouth by devouring his lips in a deep kiss. He couldn’t help but wrap his arms back around the man, and bent his knees up so he could cross them behind Eddie’s back, keeping him close. This time Eddie groaned, breaking the kiss to gasp for breath.

“Jesus, how flexible are you?” He murmured, and raised a hand to stroke his thumb across Evan’s temple, right at the birthmark.

“As flexible as you want me to be.” Evan managed to get out, leaning into the touch. Eddie couldn’t know the feelings attached to the birthmark, how it was something he’d had to keep covered up until he could become Evan Buckley again, how it had been something that could give him away if he hadn’t been careful.

And yet, he touched it gently, like it was something precious.

It undid something in Evan, a sore wound that he hadn’t noticed suddenly being soothed.

He pulled down with his arms, wanting to kiss Eddie again, and his lover obeyed, tongue delving in and twining with his own. It also had the effect of getting Eddie to drop his hips down, rubbing his clothed crotch against Evan’s naked one, and Evan nearly keened with the sensation.

“Take off your pants, Eds, please!’ He begged, and Eddie laughed breathlessly.

“You’ll have to let me go first,” he teased, and Evan reluctantly let his legs drop back down on the bed. Eddie rolled off the bed to stand up, and pushed both his pants and boxers down his legs, Evan watching all the while. Eddie was beautiful from head to toe, inside and out, and he was going a little crazy from how much he wanted Eddie’s body covering his, skin to skin.

“Like what you see,” Eddie teased, and part of Evan was marveling at how confident and at ease Eddie was in his own skin in front of him. It felt like Eddie considered himself safe enough to show this, even in his naked vulnerability.

It was beautiful.

“Always.” Evan said breathlessly, and had the pleasure of seeing Eddie blush. Then he climbed back onto the bed, and knelt over Evan, bent over so that their faces were close, sharing the same breath.

“How do you want this Evan?” Eddie asked, voice deep and husky. His eyes were dark with passion, and Evan had never loved the colour of his eyes more.

“You, on me,” Evan begged, and that was enough for Eddie to take his mouth again. Evan wrapped his arms around Eddie, keeping him close, feeling up the muscles of his back. He could feel the scar tissue from the bullet to the shoulder Eddie had gotten overseas, but didn’t focus on it. Eddie was just so strong, and the reality of having a lover match him in physical strength was driving him insane.

Eddie pulled his mouth back from him, and leaned over to reach into his bedside table. Evan latched onto his throat in absence of his mouth, and Eddie shivered even as he rummaged around. Finally, Eddie shifted back, and then sat up so that he was straddling Evan’s hips, holding a bottle of lube.

Eddie poured some into one hand, and reached down to slick it over both their cocks. Evan keened at the touch, sure that he was going to come at the drop of a hat now, but just managing to hold on. Then, Eddie lowered himself, balancing on one arm braced beside Evan’s head, and kissed him deeply, tongue diving into his mouth, while his other hand started stroking both of their cocks together.

Evan moaned into Eddie’s mouth, and couldn’t help but thrust his hips, though he couldn’t move them too much beneath Eddie’s weight. That somehow made it even more intense, and he broke the kiss, gasping for breath, eyes fixed on Eddie’s gorgeous face, who was looking like he was seeing something precious.

“Eddie I-” A tighter stroke made his voice crack, and he felt the fire in his gut burn brighter and-

Eddie’s thumb pressed into his slit and that was it for Evan. He came with a shout, back arching as much as he could, and he vaguely noticed Eddie stiffening and more warmth splattering between them.

Eddie collapsed beside Evan, weight resting partway on his chest, and Evan was perfectly fine with that. They lay together, just breathing, hearts slowly starting to slow down from their orgasms.

“Wow…” Evan murmured, unable to think of any other words. Eddie chuckled, lifting his head enough to look at Evan.

“You like that?”

“Love it,” Evan said, still a bit dazed. “Definitely need to do more of that.”

Eddie grinned, and laughed fully, and then Evan was dazed for a different reason. Here was Eddie, naked, messy with come, hair a mess, and he was still one of the most gorgeous sights Evan had ever seen.

And this was the person he was going to wake up with in the morning, to do it all over again.

After they got cleaned up, it wasn’t long until they fell asleep, curled together, and that’s when Evan knew that despite everything he’d gone through to get to this point, he couldn’t regret any of it. Not when it had brought him to this life, to Eddie and Chris, and to the future that looked so bright.

xx

Eddie woke slowly, safe and warm in a way that had eluded him for a long time. He was on his back, with a warm weight over his chest, hair tickling his nose and a warm breath brushing his collarbone. He didn’t need to open his eyes to know who was using him as a pillow, but he did so anyway to savour the sight of the man he loved.

Evan was curled around him, as clingy as an affectionate octopus, and Eddie loved it. It was a far cry from where they’d started, as two new friends still figuring out the boundaries between them. It had been less than a year, perhaps far too fast to some of those who knew them, but Eddie knew that this was right.

There would be things to figure out, obstacles to face, his own family to tell and brace against. Something also told him that Evan’s parents weren’t going to remain out of their lives, licking their wounds.

Still, as long as they were together, Eddie had the feeling that they’d make it through, hell or highwater.

He brushed a hand through Evan’s hair, free of product and curling in the morning air. Evan hummed and stirred, blinking sleepily until blue eyes focused on him. Evan lifted his head and leaned up enough to press his lips to Eddie’s.

“Good morning,” Evan murmured, voice raspy like it usually was in the morning after sleeping in the bunks at the station, and Eddie realized he’d get to wake up to that for the rest of his life.

It made him smile.

“Good morning carino.” He murmured back, and bit his lip so as to not laugh at the pink blush that flooded Evan’s cheeks. Evan pouted a little, able to see through Eddie’s pretense, but it didn’t last as Eddie pressed another kiss to his mouth.

The make out session stayed sweet and lazy, not aiming to ignite into the passion shared between them the previous night, but was no less intimate for it. Eddie rolled Evan over to put him on his back, and Evan let him, despite easily having the strength to resist.

He just sighed with contentment, looking up at Eddie, utterly relaxed and carefree.

Eddie wanted him to look like that everyday, as impossible as the sentiment was.

“How much time until we go pick up Chris?” Evan asked, hands on Eddie’s hips, looking completely at ease.

“We’ve got a few hours,” Eddie said after looking at the bedside clock. “Enough to sleep a little more, if you want.”

“As long as you’re sleeping with me,” Evan said, and pulled him down to rest on top of him. It was nice, being with someone who could take his weight. Evan Buckley was strong, both mentally and physically, and having someone that strong want to stay with him?

It was something that could become addicting.

Eddie rolled a little so that his face was tucked into the crook of Evan’s neck, and this time felt the other man’s fingers carding through his hair. He let the gentle touch lull him back to sleep, but roused enough to say three simple words.

“I love you.”

And just before he slid back into sleep, he heard-

“I love you too.”

The End.

---