Reading Time: 123 Minutes

Title: Meeting the Diazes
Series: All That Mattered
Series Order: 1
Author: DarkJediQueen
Fandom: 9-1-1
Genre: Drama, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Relationship(s): Eddie Diaz/Evan Buckley
Content Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Violence-Graphic, Suicide, Disturbing Imagery of Child and Blood, Minor Character Death, Character Bashing
Alpha: Starkindler
Word Count: 30,798
Summary: Evan never thought that his life would take on this path when he moved to LA.
Artist: AngelicInsanity

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Prologue

June 1993

Phillip Buckley rubbed his eyes as he debated what he would do next. He didn’t want to go home where he had to hide his own grief about Daniel’s death. Margaret still wasn’t doing any better, and he hated it. He didn’t know what to do. The last time he had brought up therapy, there had been a look of pure disgust from Margaret. It wasn’t like a decade before when that kind of thing was looked down on. Therapy was gaining traction, especially when it came to the grief of losing a child.

It wasn’t like back in the day when everyone had to grin and bear it, but Margaret looked down on it. It was bad enough that Daniel had gotten sick but then having Evan hadn’t been able to save Daniel. It had been a long shot even when the doctors talked to them about it. Finding a match only helped; it wasn’t going to be a certainty.

Margaret blamed everyone for something that was just pure luck.

It was getting to where Phillip didn’t want to go home at the end of each day. Not having to deal with an Evan, who wanted attention, but in the end, Margaret won. Evan was easy to dissuade, but Margaret made his life hell if he ignored her in favor of Evan. Maddie was still doing as well as she could. It still felt wrong to not discuss Daniel around her. It felt wrong to act like Daniel never happened.

Moving to Hershey had been a good move, out of the house where too many memories were but then it had become like Daniel never existed so that Margaret wasn’t slapped in the face with him. Phillip thought it would change with time, that it would all settle down, and Daniel could be talked about again. Everything he was supposed to throw away was in a storage unit across town. Everything from their life that Margaret wanted to forget. Even the images of her pregnant with Evan. It was the only thing that kept him sane. He could go down there and look at the pictures of their life.

Daniel had been so full of life that it felt wrong to forget him.

A blaring siren had Phillip looking up at the street he was facing. The ambulance was heading toward Phillip’s area, but it wasn’t like he needed to worry. Margaret was home. Everyone was safe.

Two cop cars followed along behind a minute later.

That feeling of dread ramped up. What if it was his house?

Phillip turned the car back on and waited for traffic to ease up since the first responders had choked traffic up a little. He made the first turn, and the dread ramped up when the ambulance wasn’t on that street. He headed down and inhaled before making the turn.

The ambulance was parked in front of his house, and the cops were rushing inside, the EMTs already inside. Phillip was careful as he pulled into the neighbor’s driveway since his driveway was blocked by the ambulance. The husband was out of town, so this spot wasn’t being used. He didn’t figure that Sammy would care that he was using it. The rest of the street was filling up with those leaving their houses to look at what was going on. Phillip hated them for it but also understood.

“Sir, you need to leave,” one of the cops said as he came up to Phillip when he tried to cross into the yard.

“This is my house. I’m just getting off work. What happened?”

Nobody was being rushed out, and it didn’t seem like anyone was in a rush to do much of anything. Phillip didn’t understand.

“Sir, my partner is figuring that out right now. I’m going to have to ask you to stay right here.”

“My wife? My children?”

The cop shook his head. Phillips looked at the badge on his chest. Smithers was the name.

“Office Smithers, please, tell me what you can. Are they alive?”

It was the only reason why no one would be rushing. He couldn’t have lost more children.

“I’m sorry. I am not sure what is going on. As soon as he comes out, Jacobs will talk to you. I promise. He’s inside figuring out what happened.”

Phillip wanted to shove the man away, but Maddie came out with Evan in her arms before he could. Phillip started to exhale, relief making him weak, but then he saw the blood. Evan was covered in blood.

“Evan,” Phillip said.

Smithers turned to look, and he made a gagging sound. “You can go to them, don’t go inside.”

Phillip rushed over but realized they were headed to the ambulance, so he went that way. He met up with Maddie just as she handed Evan over to the EMT still in the ambulance. The woman carefully took him.

“What happened?” Phillips asked as he cupped Maddie’s cheeks and made her look at him.

There were tears in Maddie’s eyes.

“According to my partner, she’s not spoken since he got inside there. If you give me a minute to check over the boy, I’ll tell you what we know.”

“This is Evan. My name is Phillip, and this is Maddie.”

The EMT set Evan down on the stretcher in the back of the ambulance, and she carefully took his clothes off, looking at his body as she did so. Phillip saw a lot of blood all over him.

Evan loved playing in the water, even in cold puddles of mud in the yard. It was the worst thing in the world because it meant he had to be cleaned up, and Margaret hated that. She hated cleaning him up.

“Sir, do I have permission to clean him up all the way? I need to make sure that he’s not hurt.”

Phillip could only nod. If the blood wasn’t Evan’s and the blood wasn’t Maddie’s. He looked at the house and understood why no one was rushing anything. He rubbed his face and thought about how he had his razors in the bathroom. His stubble was thick, and it needed a straight razor to remove. He always made sure the blades were tucked safely up from Maddie and Evan, but Margaret knew where they were.

The depression had been getting worse, but Phillip thought that the tide had turned the week before when Margaret started to get a little happier. He wondered if he would have been able to save her.

“Daddy,” Maddie said, and she seemed to just collapse in on herself. Phillip caught her and sat down, pulling her into his lap.

He had these two to protect. He wasn’t going to lose anyone else. He hadn’t been able to save Daniel, but he might have been able to save Margaret.

“Daddy, she’s dead.”

Phillip waved the cop over, and Smithers crouched down, pulled out a notepad, and started writing it down.

“What happened, Maddie?”

“I was going up because Evan was screaming, and he wasn’t stopping. It was fun screaming, but you know that Mom doesn’t like that. Didn’t…” Maddie trailed off.

‘It’s okay, Maddie. Just tell me.”

“I hadn’t seen mom in hours, but you know she likes to just sit in the bedroom. Her door was open, and I pushed it open the rest of the way. I think Evan pushed his way inside. He…there was blood everywhere, and he was playing in it. I could see Mom’s hands hanging over the bed, and there was a little blood dripping down from her arms. It was everywhere, and he was…Daddy.”

Phillip kissed her forehead, and he swallowed. Maddie was going into therapy as soon as possible because this was not something she would be able to deal with on her own. Phillip wasn’t sure he would be able to either.

“Can I…I think Maddie might need to be taken to the hospital,” Phillips said.

“I was going to suggest it. Shock. We can transport you with both of them as soon as we are cleared to leave. Your wife will go in a different transport.”

“Thank you. Is Evan okay?”

“Yes. It’s not his blood at all. His clothes were going into the evidence, so I wrapped him in a blanket. He’s a little upset now.”

Phillip nodded, and he stood up. Standing with Maddie in his arms was hard, but he wanted them in the ambulance. He was sure that Maddie’s clothes would also be taken, but he wasn’t sure. It all depended on what else went on with all of this. He wasn’t sure at the time of death, but it seemed like Margaret had made lunch or set out something for Maddie to make her own food.

“Mister Buckley, this is my partner Officer Jacobs,” Smithers said a few minutes later.

Phillip had just got them settled on the stretcher with Evan in Maddie’s arms. He was sure that they looked like the picture of a broken family.

“Officer, do you need me to do anything?”

“No. Is this the key to the house?” Jacobs held up Margaret’s keyring.

“Yes. You can…do what you need with them. Are we free to go? Maddie needs to be seen.”

“Yes. The coroner will be here soon, but I thought it best to get you out of here so that Maddie doesn’t have to see anything. I have a few questions, and then you can leave. Has your wife been depressed?”

“Yes. Since our son Daniel died last year.”

“Daddy, we can’t talk about him.”

“No, sweetie, we can. We can talk about Daniel all we want now. He doesn’t deserve to be shoved away and never talked about. He loved Evan so much that it’s a disgrace that I’ve allowed this to happen. My wife has been refusing to see help with her depression. Last week she started to act more like she used to. I thought we had turned the tide on that.”

“There are times that people who have chosen to end their life feel happy like that, and then they…” Jacobs waved his hand. He swallowed. “She left a note, but we are processing it just to have everything covered. It said that she couldn’t live without him. I assume it’s your son.”

“I assume so.”

“Anything else? We can talk about that once Maddie’s seen. The EMT radioed that the boy had no injuries. When I come, I’ll bring some clothes for him and Maddie. I have a pair of kids at home, and sometimes something from home is best.”

“Thank you. My neighbor will be home. Make sure it’s okay for me to park there. If not, I can get a cab and move it.” Phillip patted his pockets and found that he had slipped his keys in there, but it was the only house key he had.

“I’ll move it if need be. Is the spare key on this ring?”

Phillip nodded. He had forgotten that there were keys to each car on their rings. He looked at where Margaret’s car was. There was a lot that they needed to do and for him to think about.

“Are you sure?” Maddie asked.

—

“Yes, I think it’s best. Why don’t we move back to Pittsburgh, and you can connect with your friends again, and I can do the same. It was the worst decision to move here to Hershey. I’ll get my old job back. I know that they would take me back.”

“I miss home,” Maddie said. She gripped the bedding and looked so small in the bed. Even though it was a child-sized bed in the wing where kids were treated, she seemed so small.

Phillips hadn’t been home outside of quick visits to grab clothes for them all. The nurses had been wonderful to him. He didn’t want to leave Maddie alone, and he didn’t want to be away from her for long at all, either.

The three of them were a unit now, and he would never allow them to feel like they were less than anyone else in his life.

In the wake of Margaret’s death, Phillips felt sick because he cared more about his wife’s feelings than his children’s. He had been to see a therapist in the hospital that was connected with his normal doctor.

“Dad, we missed Evan’s birthday,” Maddie said.

“I know. We will do something when we get home. Miss Alvarez down the street has been cleaning the house as much as possible to make sure that everything is good for when we come back.”

“She…” Maddie started to cry again, and this was why they had stayed here. She wasn’t ready to leave, and the doctor wasn’t willing to force her to leave yet, given she was crying herself mute.

It was something that Phillip thought Margaret had done on purpose. Killing herself on Evan’s birthday. It very much seemed like something she would do to hurt Evan because she blamed him for not being able to save Daniel.

“Mister Buckley, do you have a few minutes?” a man asked as he stepped into the doorway.

“Sure.” Phillip helped Maddie lie down because there was little to do but let her cry. She didn’t like to be held when she was like this. This was just the start of the long and hard road they would be walking on to make sure Maddie dealt with this all to the best she needed.

Phillip wasn’t shocked to see it was Child Welfare Services. He looked at the nurse who came into the room.

“I’ll sit with them. I have tapioca pudding for Evan anyway.”

Phillip looked at Evan, who was still in the corner playing with the blocks Philip had bought for him the first time he left the hospital.

“Thanks, Remy. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

Remy just smiled at him and sat down before opening up the pudding and preparing a spoonful. Evan liked the attention right now, and he allowed himself to be fed when he had demanded no one ever fed him before this.

“How can I help you?”

“I had one of the officers walk me through everything. Given the back-to-back deaths, I thought it best to do as much as I could when it came to this before talking to you.”

“Thank you. It’s been trying.”

“The doctor reported all that he was required about what went on. The one with your wife, that is, Sir. I’ve talked with the police, and I want to let you know that I’ve closed the case with no action needed. The blood and the children and how your wife killed herself. I’ve seen the note she left. I’m sorry that she was unwilling to get help to deal with what was wrong with her.”

Phillip let out a breath that he hadn’t been aware he needed to. He felt a weight off his shoulders. He knew that they had been called in. A lone parent killing themselves and then the youngest child playing in her blood. Of course, there were images of Evan in the mud in the backyard from just days after they moved in that were easy to find. He had been prepared to deal with this in the best way possible.

“Thank you. I…the thought of losing them even for a short period while I was looked into. I haven’t been the best father, but I have made sure I’m here with the kids as much as possible. I have time off work to deal as well.”

It had also given him time to start to work on the move back to Pittsburgh. It was going to be the best for them.

“That’s good. If there is anything you need, please reach out. Even if it’s help finding a different therapist.”

“I’ll be moving back home to Pittsburgh. My wife was the one who wanted to move here. If you could get me a name there. It’s okay to move, right?”

“Yes, after a death like this. You will be happier with people you know, and the children will feel safer. Evan’s too young to really understand everything that went on, and Maddie’s just old enough that she understands way too much. Do what is best. I’ll figure out the best in Pittsburgh for Maddie and even young Evan, just in case he needs something down the road, and pass those along. I’m sorry for your losses, Mister Buckley. Have as good of a day as you can.”

Phillip stayed where he was as the man left. He had no want to go back to that house. He wondered how quickly he could move into a place in Pittsburgh and if it would be better to just wholesale move them there and stay in a hotel while he found something. Or he could reach out to Richard and see what he could find. The man’s wife worked in real estate, and he bet she could find him something to move into. Companies could be hired to move him out of Hershey as soon as possible.

—

The house was everything that Margaret hated. The yard in the front was massive, big enough for Evan to have the time of his life. There were four bedrooms, and Evan had already picked out his as soon as they had viewed it. Maddie had taken over the master bedroom, and Phillip wasn’t even going to fight her on it. It had a lot of windows, and he was more than happy to let her have it. She wasn’t asking for much at all.

“Phillip,” Richard said as he stepped inside the house.

“Richard.” Phillip held out his hand.

“It’s wonderful to have you back. Miriam said that you liked this house. Will it have an office?”

“Yes. It’s got a massive room I can turn into an office. Why?”

“You were discussing returning to work. Things have been a little messy since you left. So Mark and I were talking, and we think that we could work around it. Mornings in the office and then afternoons here working out of the office. We will make sure that everything is set and ready for you to come back when you can. I have one file that I want you to take over now, though, and just work on it when you can while looking after the kids and getting moved in.”

“The books that bad?”

“Yes.”

Phillip nodded. Being an accountant wasn’t the best job in the world, but it made him money that he could use to make sure his kids were taken care of. The nest egg he had from the death of his parents helped as well. It was going to be enough to make sure that he had a life of happiness. He would work to make sure that he kept that money for later in life. Evan and Maddie were going to go out into the world, and they were going to settle somewhere else; he would love to have the means to do what he wanted when they found their home.

“We have missed you. We lost a few clients after you left, and I hope they come back now and then we have two accounts that need to be gone over for the local cops who are using us as forensic accountants. I think that two of them need your eye on them. I figure it’s what you can work on to get yourself settled back into what is going on with the company.”

Richard had never been for false praise. Phillip had worked under him for years and had been happy when he had risen up to the now second in command. Phillip had thought of doing that himself one day for the place he worked until they left to go to Hershey. Now that he was back in Pittsburgh, he didn’t feel like he wanted that anymore. He wanted to be the best parent he could for Evan and Maddie.

“I can’t give what I gave before. I can’t. They need me, but I’ll give you all I can during work hours. I plan on getting Evan set up with a nanny as soon as I can, and when Maddie gets off school, I’ll want to be here working to watch them.”

“I understand. This whole thing rocked you in a way that you have to change who you are. Before this, I would have said that you wouldn’t ever slow down when it came to working. You were there for Margaret and Daniel a lot, but you also needed the money to help with the medical bills. Especially with Margaret getting pregnant at the wrong time. You are a good and strong man.”

Phillip heard running feet and wasn’t shocked when Evan came around the side of the stairs and beelined for him. Evan jumped, and Phillip nearly missed catching him.

“Nap?” Evan asked.

“Of course. Let’s get you changed, and you can sleep in the living room since your bedroom isn’t fully set up yet.” Phillip looked at where the movers were still getting some of the things out of the moving vans. He was happy with how things were going on moving in.

“Miriam will be by later today with dinner. It might need to be warmed up, but don’t worry about cooking. I’ll also get you some files shipped over by courier. You are staying in the hotel tonight still, right?”

“Thank you, and yes. We will be there only tonight. These guys will have it all set up. An accident on the road delayed them getting here any sooner, so it’ll take part of the morning to get us fully moved in, and while I would love to say we can sleep in the place tonight, I don’t want to have to deal with Evan and the boxes. He crawled into one when I was helping to choose what to bring and what not to bring, and he fell asleep. It was twenty minutes before he was found, and only because he moved in the box.”

“He sounds like a handful. He’ll keep you busy.”

“Which is what I think I need.” Phillip laid a hand on Evan’s back and started to rub his hand up and down.

Evan laid his head on Phillip’s shoulder, and he started to fall asleep. The boy was good at going hard and passing out very quickly. The love and trust that Evan showed in falling asleep like this still make Phillip feel like he wasn’t worthy of it yet. He had been horrible to Evan for the first two years of his life, and he was only glad he was able to fix that before it was something damaging.

The Buckley family had gone through it, but they would come out on the other side stronger.

Chapter One

October 2017

Evan Buckley grabbed a bottle of water from the console of his Jeep. He looked up at the sky above and smiled as he thought about Maddie’s bright pink Jeep she had bought after her divorce from her husband. The man had hated the Jeep Maddie had before it that had just pink accents. Evan was glad she had gone for something she loved, even if she had chosen to come to Los Angeles, where he was because she felt like they were too far away.

As if thinking about her made her call, his phone lit up, and then the ringtone started for her. Evan looked around to make sure no one was around him.

“Hey, Mads, what’s up?”

“Where are you?”

“I’m outside of the fire station I’ve been assigned to; why?”

“Oh, shit, I’m sorry. I forgot about that. I’ve been working insane hours, and the date slipped by me. Okay, well, I’ll stop by there with coffee then. I was just picking up stuff from the cafe and would go and bitch at you about work. I’ll still drop off coffee, and I can meet your people. It’ll be an hour, as I want to get a shower in before I meet up with your hot firefighter co-workers.”

“Maddie, you are not allowed to date anyone I work with. We have discussed this over and over.”

“You are no fun. Okay, fine. I still don’t want to smell like the bodily fluids I think I smell like, even if all of them have smelled it before. Bye, love you.”

“Love you too,” Evan said. He tapped the button to hang up on her. He looked over to see a man standing in the doorway of the 217, hands on his hips and looking at him with a smile on his face. It took a few seconds to recognize Kinard, the other newest man to the 217. Evan had met him once the week before when he accepted the job at the 217. Kinard had just transferred from the 118 to get away from the issues there. It wasn’t a deal breaker to know the man had worked for the station with the biggest issues.

Evan grabbed his phone from the cradle and then his bag before heading out.

“That’s a loud Jeep,” Kinard said as he looked at Evan’s Jeep.

“My sister’s is bright pink. Our father indulged us a lot in things like that, and then back home, there were Jeeping events, so we always took part in that kind of thing. I think this is the cleanest my Jeep has stayed.”

“Where are you from?”

“Pittsburgh. There was a brief year in Hershey, but my family moved back to Pittsburgh after my mother died. Dad wanted to go back to where he had support after that. I was too young. I was just one when we moved to Hershey and then two when we moved back to Pittsburgh. Where are you from?”

“LA born and raised. You gave that up pretty quickly.”

Evan shrugged. “It’s better to get the dead parent thing out, and I figure enough people are listening in. I learned that in nursing school. It was easier since, before that, I had people make assumptions, and then they felt like assholes. I don’t want people to feel like assholes for not knowing I have a dead mother.”

“I have a feeling that no one is going to know what to do with you.” Kinard looked Evan up and down, slow and sure.

Evan knew what he looked like. He knew his looks were on point, and he knew he was fit. Just like with nursing school, he was set up the best to do his job. He had always been bulky, which was from playing sports from age five. He had moved from sport to sport in school to make sure that he was always doing one. He was good at them but never enough for a scholarship, which he hadn’t needed anyway.

An upper-class white person was what Evan called himself most of the time. It was right because his father had worked hard all his life and earned good money that he put into trusts for his kids to make sure they could attend college. That their parents were the last alive in both families meant all money also went to them.

Evan knew that no life insurance had come from his mother because she had killed herself. The fact of his mother’s death had never been kept from him, and when he was old enough to understand it, the whole thing was explained, including a creepy bit of playing in a puddle of blood and thinking it was paint. That still made him shudder.

“So, Cap didn’t say much about your home life.”

“Oh, yeah, I don’t talk about it much, actually. I don’t mind it, but I didn’t want to spill it all to a bunch of people at the academy that I didn’t know too well and wouldn’t probably work with long term. So I just coasted by and told them enough to make them like me and not think I was a prude or thought I was above them.”

“Okay,” Kinard said.

“Oh, no. I’m not going to spill like that. I’m sure you will get it all within the week, as I can’t stop talking about the people I love.”

Kinard laughed and started introducing Evan to the people who came up to them. The shift was done for the next hour to get things going on getting him introduced to things. It was why not all stations got a new recruit each time out of the academy if it could be helped.

“Who is the beefcake?” a woman asked as she held out her hand.

“Misha, can we please go a single shift without you hitting on someone?”

“No, not when you bring guys who look like that in here.” Misha looked Evan up and down, and while she looked like she wanted to take a ride on him, he wasn’t going to tell her yes. He didn’t do that kind of thing where he worked, and it was why he told Maddie not to go after the men and women he worked with. He didn’t need that kind of shit where he worked, and Maddie liked to chew up people and spit them out when she was post-divorce.

No one was able to handle Maddie and her issues for long, and Evan hated that. He hadn’t even really tried to settle down at all.

“Buckley, how are you doing?” the captain said as he came up.

“I’m doing wonderful, Captain Garza.”

“Your application states that you have a good grasp of Spanish. That’s a little…strange for a white man from Pittsburgh.”

“I can see that. I know I haven’t lived in LA for that long, but I made friends with a lovely woman in my last job that made it a necessity that I learn it, and I keep on learning the full conversation side of it.”

“That sounds like a big story.”

Evan shrugged.

“You said you didn’t mind going by Buck but prefer Evan in a personal situation.”

“There were three other Evans in the class with me, so something has to give. Buck’s a good nickname. I like it or Buckley, but yeah, I like Evan. Really as long as you don’t call me white boy or something like that, I’ll be happy.”

“Sorry about the stuff,” Garza said.

“Oh, it’s fine. Don’t worry. It’s just I’ve been looked at weirdly for being a white boy from an area like Pittsburgh with knowing as much Spanish as I do. I think I’m behind where I need to be, but I’ve been teaching my daughter what I can. I want her to be bilingual. Her heritage might be a little lax, given I’m white as hell, but I’ll do my best.”

Evan could tell that Garza wanted to ask but didn’t want to look like he was too interested.

“You have a kid and didn’t tell me right away?” Kinard asked.

Evan shrugged at that. He pulled out his phone and found a picture from the night before with Xitlali. She was getting so damned big.

“That’s an adorable kid there,” Garza said.

“Yeah, she is. I adopted her a year ago, but I’ve been in her life pretty much since birth. I guess it’s story time on that. Her father was killed in a store robbery when he was picking up formula after they got home from the hospital. Then the mom found out she had cancer. I was her main nurse who worked with her when she was getting treatment. I got too damned attached and became her friend outside of work and helped her. I was out of work for a few weeks, where I helped her as much as possible after I was in an accident and t-boned. I was burning out on being a nurse, and instead of just moving departments to like the ER or something, I applied across the country to be a firefighter. I was accepted here and New York of the ones I wanted the most but the cold in New York was the no. I was going to stay there in Pittsburgh, but then Maria died, and she left me the only person in the world she had left. So I promised Maria standing at her grave holding her daughter, that I would do the best for her, and part of that was getting away from where their bigoted families were.”

“Bigoted?”

“Neither side liked that Maria and Steve married outside of their race. They didn’t want Xi either. The judge was shocked by what was read by the welfare services of them reaching out to her grandparents. So all family rights have been severed, and there is no way to find out who adopted Xi from them. The judge sealed it all and said it was good riddance to trash.”

“No wonder you want to do well for her. She looks happy.”

‘She’s a very happy kid. It was an adjustment to her getting used to just me after it being me and her mom. I know I never should have gotten as attached as I did, but it…Maria said it was fate one day that we crossed paths. I found out after it was the day she updated her will and made it to where I got everything. Her life insurance went into a trust for Xi, and my father is managing that to make sure that she will want for nothing in her life.”

“I have a daughter around her age, a late-in-life baby. We can see if they get along if that’s something you want. We are also teaching our children to be bilingual; my wife would adore another kid to have around. Who is doing childcare?”

“Nanny. She’s a good woman. Friend that my sister made as soon as she made it here and started to work at Byrne Memorial. I’m told to call her Abuela and that Xi will do the same. I think she’s lonely. Her kids all moved away, and no one visits. She’s not nearly old enough to be that alone. She’ll probably bring her by on occasion. The adjustment period for working twenty-four hours is going to be hard.”

“Everyone with little ones has that but especially single parents with kids that young.”

Evan snagged an orange from the table, and he laughed when he saw the news on the TV. It was a small piece about a fight that had broken out outside of a new bar and grille that had opened up not far from where Evan lived. It was a place that was trying to gain the following of the local first responders, not just cops, and firefighters but the paramedics and even the hospital staff. It looked like a good place, and Evan had planned on eating there as soon as he had a night where he didn’t feel bad about leaving Xi with Marisol.

“I’m glad we didn’t have to respond to that,” Kinard said.

Evan nodded. He was itching to get out there and help people, but he wasn’t going to give them a curse of some kind by saying it. He knew that there were many who worked this job that had superstitions, and while Evan didn’t care, he didn’t like to make fun of people for them.

“So, where can I drop my shit?” Evan asked.

Kinard clasped him on the shoulder and pulled him along. So far, it seemed like it would be good to work here.

—

Drunk women were the worst, Evan thought as he took the slip of paper from the woman who had blood dripping from her forehead after getting into a fight with another woman in the bar over a man. He slipped the paper into his pocket and vowed to throw it away as soon as she was out of there. He really didn’t need someone who was going to throw a beer bottle at another woman’s head because they wanted the same man. A man who hadn’t even noticed them at all until the fight broke out.

“Who is the new probie?” a man asked.

Evan looked up at Kinard, who Evan had been shadowing for three weeks as he learned the real way of a firehouse.

“Why do you need to know?”

“I just want to know who to report for flirting on the job.”

“This has nothing to do with you, Han. I told him to just take the numbers and then just never do anything with them. It’s better than the patient getting pissed off and riled up. One of them took a swing at him two weeks ago for not doing it. You deal with your crew, and I’ll deal with mine.”

Evan had never heard Kinard sound so pissed off. Then he noticed the number on the helmet. Han was from the 118, a place where Kinard hated being and had left as soon as he could. It seemed like it was worse than he had made it seem, given the tone of his voice.

“Shouldn’t encourage him to do that kind of thing. I mean, he looks like a womanizer.”

“And you actually lie to your girlfriends. Still using my rescues to get laid at the badge and ladder bars?”

Evan felt like he should leave, but he had been told to stick by Kinard. He hadn’t felt like he needed to change that until now. He had no idea what to do or who to go to about this.

“Han, you need more work?” Garza asked as he stepped up and laid his hand on Evan’s shoulder.

“I was just trying to get the name of the probie so I could report him. He’s flirting on the job.”

“Ah, I see. Well, good. You can report that to me, and then I can talk to the witness, who will probably say that she wasn’t going to let him say no. Just like the two others that he had gotten. You know that we aren’t to fight with patients and victims. So it’s best to just grin, take the number and move on. I’ve seen Firefighter Buckley throwing away at least five a shift. Especially the last one where he was holding a baby after Misha delivered it and was checking on the mom before we transported them all. It was like lustnip. We can go over here and talk about the report, and then you and your captain and fill it out and submit it.”

Han gave a look that said he wasn’t happy about anything but turned and left, heading toward his captain.

Evan had heard a lot of good things about the 118 when he was in the academy, but only after the newest captain had taken over. It hadn’t been a good place before then, and there were still a few elements that weren’t good, and Evan thought he had met one of them right then.

“Ah, you got to meet him at his best,” Mia said as she tugged Evan with her. “I’m taking Buckley. I need his help.”

Kinard gave her a salute before turning back to his task. Evan looked at Garza, but the man was talking to Kinard and didn’t protest what Evan was being pulled into.

“What’s up with him?”

“He was mistreated by the captain at the 118, and things didn’t go well. He stuck it out and proved he had some big assed balls when it came to it. But now he has a chip on his shoulder. He takes that out on anyone who is white, good-looking, and honestly better than him in most ways. He can’t keep a girlfriend. He lies to them about what he does on the job, which wouldn’t be bad, except he brags about it on the job to anyone who will listen.”

“So stay away from him.”

“Yes. Stay hell and gone, and just don’t engage. He’s most of the reason why Tommy left the 118. He’s getting a few passes on things because of what went on before, but in the end, it’s doing the station more harm than good. I think it’s going to come and bite them in the ass. Someone is going to take exception to him bragging about lying to his girlfriends and report him for code of conduct violations. Think about it if one of his exes got up on the TV and reported the lies and the shit they were told. I am glad I’ll be hell and gone from that station when it happens. There is a reason he only picks up ladder bunnies.”

Evan felt like he needed a bath after that. He could never understand lying to a partner about anything like that. Though, his father had made sure he respected women a great deal. Maddie’s string of husbands and boyfriends made him see how not to treat even casual sex partners. Three marriages taht she wasn’t able to keep going and then many boyfriends between showed she had a few issues but Evan wasn’t sure what they were.

“I feel like I walked into a minefield,” Evan said.

“Nah, you are fine. Just stick with Tommy. He’ll never steer you wrong, and he’s not a sexist, asshole pig like some people we technically work with.”

Evan nodded his head, but he kept his thoughts to himself. He just wanted to get back to the station and get things going again. He had a lot to do regarding continuing training with things and didn’t like that he was behind due to the job. He had time but didn’t like leaving things to the last minute. It wasn’t the kind of man his father raised him to be.

—

Evan wasn’t sure about heading out for drinks with the team. He had settled into the 217 pretty well over the last month. Things had been good, and they mostly allowed him to go home to his kid. He was more worried about his father, who had been acting dodgy and ignoring half of the calls Evan was making and then responding very late to texts.

There were tentative plans for him to fly back to Pittsburgh on the next four-day off stretch he had to see what was going on with his father. Evan was worried that something was really wrong, and he was still so damned new at the 217 that he didn’t want to ask for time off if it ended up being for nothing.

Evan was just hoping that maybe his father had finally moved on from his mother. Maddie thought he didn’t because Evan and Maddie were his whole focus, and he felt like having another person in his life would take away from that. Yet, Evan was twenty-six, and Maddie was thirty-five. They were old enough that his father could have been dating for years at this point.

“Buckley!” Kinard yelled out as he got to the door of the place.

“What now? I ain’t buying the whole group a round.”

“What’s the significance of the name?”

Evan looked at the place’s name and cocked his head to the side to think about it. When it opened up, he had seen the name Dry Matches in many ads and the flyer at the station. He had looked it up as well. It had been weeks ago, though.

“Oh, yeah, a guy who always seems to make fires but never gets anything done.”

“Looks like I’m buying you the first round. Let’s get going, up front, probie!”

Evan grumbled and pushed forward, getting clapped on the back by a few of the guys as he moved through them. He felt his phone vibrate and vowed to check it as soon as they were inside and settled in at whatever table they wanted. The place was set up for large groups with ease, and there was even a medium-sized event room that could be closed off.

The place was kind of awesome. One of the older firehouses had housed much more stuff for larger areas of the city before three smaller ones were made and spread out. It was a place with good bones.

Kinard pulled Evan over to a table with a grin on his face. The wait staff was all very good-looking, and then there were the ones that looked like they could snap even Evan in half.

“So they do their own kind of shots. They will do normal ones, of course, but this one on the menu is like candy, but it’s nothing but alcohol.”

Evan thought about the shots he used to make up in college when he was bartending for extra money on the weekends. With his looks and his personality, it was a no-brainer what he would do for money. It was one of the only times in his life he used his looks to gain something in that way. Most of the time, he would rather attract a man or a woman because of how he was.

“So, what shot are you starting with?”

Evan looked at the list of shots and stopped as soon as he hit the third drink. He shot up and started to look around. He found who he was looking for as soon as he looked at the bar. He wasn’t even aware he was moving until a hand was on him, pulling him back.

“You look like you are about to murder someone,” Kinard said.

“I’m not. I promise, but you can come with me to make sure that I am not going to get in trouble.”

No one else stopped him, not even the bartender, who took one look at Evan’s face and then stepped back to allow him access.

“You know, I thought you were dating finally,” Evan said.

“Buck?” Kinard asked.

“Sorry, I wanted to have this set up, and I honestly expected you in here a month ago. I mean, it’s perfect for your line of work.”

“It is very perfect for my line of work, but I have a nearly two-year-old at home.”

Evan’s father looked at Kinard behind him. “I just expected the team to get you in here. This one comes a few times a week to just hang out with some of the other firefighters.”

“I kind of hate you. You couldn’t just say, hey, I’m thinking of following you and your sister to Los Angeles?”

Phillip shrugged before smiling at Evan. Evan stepped up and pulled him into a hug.

“I was literally going to be flying home to force your ass to talk to me!”

“Evan, I’m fine. As you can see. I’ve opened up the hottest bar in LA.”

“Has Maddie been here yet?”

“Yes, but I missed her. I have staff on the lookout for both of you. You stuck with wine and didn’t look at the menu.”

“Evan, is this your father?” Kinard asked.

“Oh, sorry.” Evan rubbed the back of his head.

“Let’s go to the table, and you can introduce me to your team all at the same time.”

Evan was still a little shell-shocked, but he let his father guide him over to the table, where Kinard moved down to the other end to allow Phillip to sit down beside Evan.

“Oh, hey, Phillip,” Misha said.

Evan glared at her, and she looked a little scared.

“Evan, she’s been in here a few times as well. She has not hit on me.”

“Well, not for lack of anything but you kind of give off vibes of all work and no play. So, Evan, how do you know Phillip?”

“How do I know Phillip?” Evan laughed and shook his head. “I assume that means he never gave his last name. Everyone, this is Phillip Buckley, my father. Who decided to move to LA and open a bar just to follow my sister and me here.”

Misha started to laugh and picked up the glass of water to take a sip. “Wow, I nearly hit on your father? Sorry. My bad. I’ll make sure not to do that again, right, Mia?”

“You will but just when Buck’s not around. It’s wonderful to meet you, Mister Buckley.”

“Please, Phillip. Mister Buckley reminds me too much of a time in my life when work was more important than my kids.”

Kinard went around and introduced the rest of the team that was there with them. Many who had families weren’t there, and the ones that had families and were there hadn’t been out with the team in a while. The fluid way the team hung out was kind of nice. Everyone was included in everything, and things moved around a good deal.

“Well, the first round is on me for finally getting my son here. I assume you want a Bloodsucker, right, Evan?” Phillips asked.

“Yes.”

“That drink is…out there,” Misha said.

“It’s how I knew Dad was here and did this. It’s not on a menu like this anywhere. I mixed it up when I was in college and bartended for extra money. I used it for the nights I was getting off at an hour when I could still have fun. It packs a punch.”

The waitress stopped by when Kinard waved his arm to get her attention. It took a few minutes to get the orders placed as there was food picked out for the whole table to snack on before they got dinner later.

“How are Marisol and Xi adjusting to everything?”

“Pretty good. Xi’s had a few nights where I’ve had to read to her to put her to sleep for the final time.”

“You are a good father, Evan.”

“I had a good role model. Even Maddie’s had a good role model. I know you feel like you will never make up for the time you lost with her, but you have, and you need to stop pushing yourself. You could have stayed in Pittsburgh.”

“No, I couldn’t. Even the time when I knew I would be following you out here was something that hurt me a great deal. Especially after your sister followed you here. I always knew I would follow you both where you ended up and hoped it wasn’t across the country from each other.”

“You two are kind of adorable,” a man said as he stepped up to the table. “Hey, Kinard, can I join?”

“Have a seat somewhere, Makepeace. Evan Buckley, this is Brian Makepeace. Makepeace, this Buck, our probie.”

“I’ve heard a lot of the chatter around him. Chim didn’t like getting written up for sticking his nose where it didn’t belong, but it was his own fault for bitching about being put in his place where the Battalion Chief could hear him. It’s not like he even tried anything. It was quite fun when the Battalion Chief commented that he had gotten two numbers in the last big emergency and was pulled in to take care of an area. I occasionally get numbers and have a ring on my damned finger.”

“Is it just that way forever?”

“Yes,” everyone at the table answered.

“I guess that other than bartending, I didn’t do much when it came to jobs that put me in place to be hit on like that. As an oncology nurse, the people there weren’t really in a mindset to want to hit on anyone. The older ladies I worked with loved me because I talked to them. I never thought about it being because I was hot.”

“He really has no clue when he’s being hit on most of the time,” Phillip said.

“Dad, why do you have to wound me like this? Haven’t I been a good son?”

“Well, you are a shit brother,” Maddie said.

Evan turned his head to look at his sister, who was staring at their father with a strange look on her face.

“Maddie,” Phillip said as he stood up and opened his arms for a hug.

Evan waited for them to stop hugging before he stood up to get his own. “I just found out, and you were working, I thought.”

“Yeah, I was, but then the ER was a little dead, and I worked over earlier in the week, so I was more than willing to head home to help on hours. I’ll still end up with more than normal. I thought you were also working, but the shift said this was where you would be. One of them hit on me until I said who I was. He looked at me like I was a leper after that.”

“Ah, that’s Greggs; he doesn’t like hitting on siblings of people he works with,” Kinard said.

“Well, he’s hot, and I would have loved to have gotten to know him better.”

Evan shook his head and directed Maddie to his seat, only to see that everyone had moved down on the other side so that she could sit beside Phillip. It felt strange to be in a bar with his family. The only way it would be stranger was if Xi was with them.

“Can I stay with you tonight?” Maddie asked, looking at Phillip.

“Of course. We won’t have to go far. I can have you move your car into the parking lot for the apartments next door. I bought the whole section here.”

“Just how much money do you have?” Kinard asked, then he looked like he regretted that question. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. I was given substantial money when my parents died, same when my wife’s parents died. I was an accountant for many years, and I learned how to invest and make sure that I never had to work longer than I wanted while still having the life I wanted. In the wake of my wife’s death, I played with a little more risk to make sure that I could work only as much as I wanted. I didn’t miss a single game of Evan’s or Maddie’s. Most of my money is now sunk into the restaurant and the apartments, but it’s a good investment, and I’m working on making sure they both make me money for years to come.”

Evan knew his father was a lot, and this just proved it. Still, he loved him dearly and was happy to have him here. No matter how underhanded his father had been about the whole thing. He looked at Maddie to see the same look on her face. They were in agreement on not letting their father out of their sight more than they had to.

Chapter Two

November

Evan opened his eyes as he heard his bedroom door squeak just a little bit. He had left the door like that in the house he bought for just this reason. He could have used something on it to stop it, but Xi was getting very, very adventurous, and she was in a bed that was not meant to stop her from escaping since Evan usually shut her bedroom door. He had a system with the baby monitor that had a receiver all over the house, just in case. It was why Marisol came and stayed here when she was watching Xi. Marisol’s house was nice, but it was full of things that Xi would break, and Evan knew it.

The bed dipped, so Evan waited for Xi to crawl up with him. She made it most of the way up before falling flat on her face across his legs, as the bedding was a little slick with her pants. Evan reached down and grabbed her to pull her up to lie with him under the covers.

“Pa!” Xi said before she wiggled the rest of the way under the blankets and buried her face in his chest. She didn’t want to get out of bed anymore. He was feeling good and was happy with life.

“Good morning, Xi,” Evan said. He wrapped his arm around her to hold her close. She started to drift off into sleep again with ease, so Evan let himself drift as well.

The smell of breakfast was not strong enough to get him out of bed right now. He knew that his sister and father had let themselves into the house to get started on Thanksgiving dinner but also to make breakfast as was tradition. Maddie had worked the night shift, so she would eat breakfast with them and then pass out in one of the three spare rooms Evan had.

Evan still loved his house, even if it was way too big for the two of them, but he had been looking forward to the future and a life with a spouse and other children. So it was nothing to just get a house that he could afford with the money he would be making.

Maria and Steve had set things up well for their child, Steve’s money from his grandparents’ passing, the only ones in the family who didn’t hate him for marrying a Mexican woman. That had been put into a trust, and when Maria was on her way out the door and knew there was no help, she made sure that it would be well taken care of and Xi would want for nothing while living with Evan.

“Your mother loved you so much.”

Evan fought back the tears as he always did when he thought about Maria. He had wanted to be there to hold her in the end, but she had died with Xi on her chest, and he hadn’t been able to get to her. It had been a very slow and painless death since hospice made sure of that.

The holidays always got to Buck, even the stupid ones like the Fourth of July. He wasn’t sure what would happen in the future, but there were pictures of Maria and Steve all over Xi’s room. Her past was never going to be hidden from her.

When the smell of coffee wafted into the room, Evan knew there was no escaping getting up. He carefully threw the covers off himself and got Xi more situated on his chest before he sat up in bed and carried her into the kitchen.

“Why such a big house?”

Evan shrugged as he always did when his father asked him. The ranch-style house had been the only one he liked when he had been house hunting. It was the kind of place that wasn’t something an abled person would normally buy, but after being injured in the car accident and knowing that he could be injured in many ways as a firefighter, he had gone for something without steps.

The massive kitchen and the main rooms had been plus.

“Do you need help with paying the mortgage?”

“No. I changed how I have Xi’s trust payment going. I use one-third of the monthly payment into the fund for bills, one third goes to activities, like the dance group she’s in right now. It builds up its own money in case she gets into a sport that costs a lot of money later or flits from sport to sport like I did. The last third goes into her college fund that you manage. I figure the sports thing can also go to her car when she’s old enough to drive.”

“That’s doable, and the accountant who manages the sports fund is good?”

“It’s nothing high risk at all. It’s just something I actually play with on my own. I mean, a guy who makes sure I don’t mess up shit, but if you wanna take that over, I will gladly add you to the account.”

“Good. Do it as soon as possible. I will make sure you are not messing up things too much. If you ever need help, you only have to ask.’

“Oh, I’m well aware, but she and I want nothing except more sleep.”

The breakfast spread was good but thankfully less than what Evan feared it would be.

“Marisol called, and I talked to her. A friend of hers had a small mishap in her kitchen and now cannot cook Thanksgiving for herself, her daughter, her grandson, and her great-grandson. She wanted to know if your oven could be used, and then everything was transported back to the house. I just told her to bring them with her, and they can come whenever they need. If they want to do their own Thanksgiving, the small sitting room can be used for the five of us, or we can all eat together.”

“Is this the grandson of the guy who Marisol said I need to meet?” Evan hadn’t been shocked after Marisol started to talk about her friend who had taken in her grandson when he had escaped his parents in Texas. It sounded like Marisol was trying to match make.

Evan wasn’t above that kind of thing, but he really didn’t want to force the meeting. It sounded like they were in need, though. Marisol’s friend Isabel was very into the family, and this was the first time it had been more than just her and her daughter for meals.

“It’s fine. We’ve got the space, and the oven time might be an issue, but I don’t think so.”

“No, not with three ovens in there.”

“They were there when I bought the place. I only use two, except for when I made two gross of cookies for the hospital for the fundraiser they were doing for cancer. I actually ran out of space to cool cookies.”

“You made nearly 300 cookies for that?” Maddie asked.

“Yes. It was fun. Xi helped me pick which ones to decorate which way, and a few she did on her own were part of the auction.”

“Three hundred dollars for a cookie that had goops of icing.”

Eh, it was for a good cause.” Evan hadn’t bought it, but he had been shocked when all three of her cookies had gone for such high prices. He promised that he would make more for the next time as well.

“So, call Marisol, and I’ll work on figuring out what of ours is going where and getting a timeline going.”

“Why, let’s just wing it?” Maddie asked.

“If we eat together, there might be things we don’t need to make two of. So I figure if there is a list, we can make sure to not have two different versions of creamed lima beans.”

“They are not making creamed lima beans, Dad,” Maddie said. She took Xi from Evan and held her for a few seconds as Xi finished waking up.

The high chair was already set up for Xi at the table in the kitchen, which was where most meals were eaten. Thanksgiving had been planned to be eaten there, but then Marisol had asked to come, and now it seemed they were going to eat it in the dining room. There were all kinds of stuff all over the table in there, so Evan would have to clean that up before anything was done with it.

He had a new task to add to the day, but he didn’t mind. He had worked the day before, and the way the schedule was meant he had his four-day breaks over Thanksgiving.

“I’ll call her now before she gets too worked up about anything. Then I’ll come and eat. Go ahead and get Xi started. She’ll take the longest as she is in a phase where she chews everything to mush in her mouth before swallowing, even pancakes.”

“You had that phase as well, Evan!” Maddie called out.

It made Xi giggle even though she understood very little of what was being said.

Evan flipped Maddie off where his father couldn’t see.

He headed to where his cell phone was and checked to make sure he hadn’t missed anything before he dialed Marisol’s number.

“Buenos días, Evanito,” Marisol answered the phone.

“Buenos días, Abuela, ¿cómo estás?”

“Bien. Your father spoke to you?”

“Yes, of course, the family can come here. I’ll make sure they can make what they want. Dad’s already started the list, and I figure that you, him, and Isabel can discuss what to make. He handles a lot of the cooking, but I help with some. It’ll be easy to figure out what we have extra. I’m fine with them joining us. Thanksgiving is about family and being with people we care about more than the whole tradition of the holiday. We gave that up decades ago. It’s just taking the time when we can to spend it together. After Maddie and I were in college and then working, it became something we cherished.”

‘It’s a good way. That’s what Isabel’s family does as well. I’ll text them the address, and they might arrive before I get there. The knees aren’t as happy as they have been. I’ll be happy when I can get the replacement surgery going. The doctor nearly has all of the hoops jumped through with my insurance.”

“Good. You can still stay here after that, and Dad’s around now, so he can help you when your nurse can’t. Then you’ll be able to keep up with Xi as she runs around like a chicken with no head.”

Evan swapped his phone to his other ear and started to clean up a few things on the table.

“You spoil me.”

“You are worth it. You are helping me with a great deal of the childcare for Xi, and while I know you do it because you are bored more than anything else, you still don’t have to.”

“She’s a treasure.” Marisol made a noise that was a little bit of pain.

“Abuela, have Isabel’s daughter pick you up. I don’t think you should drive. Traffic’s going to be horrible. Your knee. I might be able to get you as well.”

“I’ll call Isabel. Be a good boy and make sure the heating pad is there.”

“Of course.” Evan swallowed as he hung up after saying his goodbyes. Marisol would be heartbroken if Evan stopped taking Xi to her. Xi would be as well. He would just have to make sure his father was there a little more to help. The knee surgery couldn’t come fast enough. It would be something to deal with when the time came, but at least until then, someone was around to help.

Evan was just about done cleaning when Phillip popped his head into the room.

“Yeah, Pops?” Evan asked.

“There is an Eddie Diaz here; he was told to come here as soon as possible to help cook.”

“Oh, that must be Isabel’s grandson. I’ll go and meet him.”

Phillips stepped back and waved for Evan to go first. “He might need a little help.”

Evan shrugged, and he heard Xi chatting. She knew a little of English and Spanish, and there was always the fact that she spoke gibberish and expected everyone to understand it.

“Taco?”

Evan wanted to crawl into a hole and die as he saw the man crouched down at eye level with Xi listening like she was talking about the most important things in the world. Yet, all she was talking about was her love of tacos. Eddie’s eyes darted up as Evan got closer to him. Xi tipped her head back to look at him as well with a grin on her face.

“Yeah, yeah, you want tacos, and you are trying to be cute to get them. Come here, squirt.”

Xi gave him a look and stepped closer to Eddie, holding her hands up like she wanted to be picked up. Eddie looked at Evan with shock on his face.

“Go ahead, Marisol vouches for you, and I have no want to deal with a pouting two-year-old at this point all day long, and she will pout all day long.”

Eddie picked up Xi, and she patted his face as soon as he stood up.

“Eddie, this is Xitlali Ramos. Xi, this is Eddie,” Evan said.

“And this is my son Christopher,” Eddie said.

Evan looked behind Eddie to see Chris making his way up the walkway. He was careful of the crutches he was using, but he had a huge smile.

“If there is anything we need to move to make sure he can make his way around the house, let us know. There is a bathroom near where we will be spending the day. You don’t have to worry about that.”

“Marisol told me she thought the place was spaced well enough for him. Chris, this is Evan Buckley. According to Marisol, you don’t like to be called Buck outside of work.”

“Eh, I don’t mind it. I’m getting used to it since it’s what most of the firefighters I see outside of work call me, the cops and medical people. I don’t mind it.”

“Hi!” Chris said.

“It’s wonderful to meet you, Chris. I think some breakfast food is left if you are hungry.”

“Dad tried to make pancakes, and it failed. We ate cereal.”

“Wow, he just goes right for the knife in the back, huh?” Evan stepped to the side and let Eddie and Chris come in.

Xi started to talk about the house as soon as they were inside, maybe one in five words being understandable and on topic; the rest was just gibberish.

“The downside is sometimes I’ve heard about kids being taught both Spanish and English; the gibberish is a little more gibberish.”

“It can be. Chris did much the same. We’ve been watching telenovelas with Abuela right now to get an even better grasp and not let Chris’ grasp of the language die. The school he’s in right now doesn’t have Spanish for kids his age.”

“Oh, public school? That sucks. I know a few other schools that start it with kindergarten if you want a list. They can see where to place him since it’s the kind of school that rotates the classes around for each subject. You have much that needs to be brought in?”

“I do.”

“Dad, who is the baby?” Chris asked.

“Oh, sorry, Chris,” Evan said. “That is my daughter Xitlali Ramos. We usually call her Xi unless she’s acting up, and I need to get her to listen to me.”

“Like when Dad calls me Christopher. He doesn’t full-name me much.”

“That’s because you are a good kid.” Eddie ruffled Chris’ hair.

Xi huffed and crossed her arms, glaring at Eddie. Evan couldn’t help the way he laughed at the adorable picture his daughter was.

“My father’s here, and my sister is as well, but she’s asleep. She worked the night shift, so she’s getting a little sleep before the day starts. The room’s pretty quiet, so you don’t need to worry about sounds.”

“Down,” Xi demanded with another huff.

Evan laughed at the pout on her face, and he took her from Eddie and turned her to face him. “Be good.”

“Good princess,” Xi said.

Evan kissed her forehead before setting her down on the floor. He shook his head. Xi took off toward the living room, where her toys were. “She’s going to play. Chris, you can play with anything you want. I have a few game systems in there and a few games I think you can play. Just let me or my father know, and we can teach your father how to turn the TV on and off.”

“Okay. Dad brought me lots of books, and I have my Switch with me.”

“The dock for mine is in the living room, so you can dock yours to charge or play on the big TV.”

Chris headed toward the living room.

“I’ll help you get things from the truck.”

“Sure. You are being rather accommodating.”

“Well, Thanksgiving shouldn’t be ruined by an oven that died in the night.”

“Abuela was roasting meat, and the smell kind of stopped. She woke up and realized the oven had quit working. I was dead tired from work, and she had to prod me awake a lot. The house I’m renting will be open for me to move in next month. It can’t come fast enough. I love Abuela and everything, but her place is small.”

“What’s taking so long with your place?”

“Installing a few things in the bathroom for Chris to make sure he can do what he feels he can. I was going to do it, but the landlord wanted it done before we moved in. So I didn’t mind. It made things a lot easier on me.”

Xi took off into the living room, following Chris in there.

“He’s good to just run around, right?”

Yeah, bedroom doors and the like are closed. Bathroom doors as well, but my dad will show him where he needs to go for that if he needs it. So your Abuela sent you over, and she’ll come later?”

“There are a few things that need to be finished there, like in the bread machines and such. So, yeah, I got sent forward first to get the rest of the stuff started.”

Evan let Eddie chatter at him as they got everything from the truck, including a bag of stuff that was Chris’. Edie had carried that in on his own.

“Has Marisol told you I applied to the LAFD and got approved?”

“No, she doesn’t talk about you much, actually. Just that you ran away from your parents. I can’t understand that, but then I have a good Dad. He tells me when he was shitty when I was too young to remember, but I, of course, don’t remember that. So I just have to go by his word. He’s told me time and again that if he had stayed on the path he was, I probably would have left home during college and never spoke to him and my mother again.”

“She out of the picture? Messy divorce?” Eddie asked. He dropped the bags down onto the counter.

“Nah, suicide the day I turned two.”

Eddie looked at Evan with the same look everyone gave him when he said that. He shrugged, and Eddie seemed to get it. It was something that Evan didn’t like to talk about, but he didn’t like to just never bring it up because then it came up at the wrong times.

“I’m sorry. My wife left us. She just left in the middle of the night right after I got home from the hospital after being shot overseas. I couldn’t even pick up Chris as I hadn’t been ready for that with therapy. I was not in a good place after she left.”

“I can’t see how you would be. I think that my father had it easy after everything. They were already broken after the-” Evan trailed off. It wasn’t like they needed to exchange all of the issues of their past.

“You can say it.”

“My brother died not long after I turned one. It’s what caused my mother to kill herself. She never got help, and it ended up killing her. I don’t hate her for what she did. It changed our lives in ways that we can never know. Still, I think that leaving like your wife did might be the best option. Then it’s less, final.”

Eddie started to pull things out of the bags, but he looked like he was thinking about it. Evan started to get out the things that they were going to need for the dishes.

“I have the list here,” Eddie said a few minutes later. He pulled it out of his wallet. Evan grabbed the paper his father had been writing on and then a clean sheet so they could write down the stuff they needed.

There were seven dishes that were the same across the two lists.

“Okay, your cornbread stuffing is going to be the one.”

“You don’t put yours in the bird?”

“Ew, no. Texture issues. I don’t like it so wet. So dad started to do it in a pan when I was young. Yours sounds so good. So that’s picked. Now what else.”

“Your cranberry stuff. We just usually use a can and dress it up afterward. I have no clue what Abuela does to it, but it’s good. Still, that sounds great.”

Evan wrote that down, and he knew that someone was going to end up with four dishes and the other three. Still, it would be good to add something to the meal that wasn’t too far off what they normally did. They might come out with a few recipes.

“Those three can be yours,” Evan said as he tapped the three side dishes. Some were not too close together, others were, but it wasn’t like they needed that many side dishes. “We will do our sweet potatoes and then your sweet bread.”

“That’s five and two.”

“So? I’m all for new things. Your sweet potatoes will be something you can do later, but Maddie doesn’t like half of the pieces in yours. So that’s why I snagged that. The rest sounds damned good. I know we are doing the turkey, but you guys do shredded beef.”

“Yeah, we have a family member that is allergic to turkey, but even though it’s been years since they were here for Thanksgiving, it just kind of stuck. It became a tradition all on its own. That’s gotta go in the oven first. We are eating at four, right?” Eddie looked at his watch, and he nodded his head.

“Yes.”

“Then yeah, that needs to go in soon. It shouldn’t hurt it to go up and down in temperature.”

“Oh, I have three ovens.”

“Three ovens?” Eddie looked around the room and then at Evan with a look on his face. “Who needs three ovens?”

“They were in there when I bought the place. I never changed them out because I figured that they can be pan storage instead of cupboards, and then when in use, I can move things. I had to make cookies for a bake sale, and they came in handy.”

“I assume this is going well?” Phillip asked as he came into the kitchen.

“Yeah, we got everything figured out. I was just going to set out all of the spices we need for our stuff if Eddie hasn’t brought enough. I have the list here and will add the other things. Then you can make your plan.”

“Plan?”

“He’s going to figure out the best time for everything across the ovens and such. Go ahead and take the one that’s on the far side with the pink heart magnet on it for the beef. It’ll be the only thing in it since there is nothing else that needs to cook like that. We can use it for warming up stuff closer to time as well. Need any help with the beef?”

“Sure. The pan is in the bag on the floor.”

Evan walked over to grab the bag. It had been one that Eddie had carried in as well, a duffle bag from his Army days, Evan assumed. It looked like it was old enough for that and beat up enough. Inside was many pans. He just looked at Eddie.

“Well, we didn’t want to assume. The beef pan is the bright orange thing. It’s the only thing that is ever cooked in it. It lives in a cabinet that Abuela can’t even reach. So it needs a little oil in the bottom, and then the baggie that’s marked with “Eddie don’t eat” on the outside. That all needs to go into the bottom and then into the oven at 450 for ten minutes while we get the rest going.”

Evan wasn’t sure what was going on, but he did as Eddie told him. It smelled like heaven in that bag. He wasn’t sure what was in there, but it all smelled like he wanted to just stick his head inside and lick the bag. He was glad he didn’t when he saw the jalapenos inside there. He dumped the bag into the pan, making sure to turn it inside out to get everything out of it. He knew most of the herbs that were inside there, but he couldn’t place all of the peppers. He hoped that it wasn’t going to be super hot. He would probably love it but still.

Maddie could stuff her face with the turkey and be happy.

“So, what kind of tacos does Xi like?”

“Oh, she’s already bribing for lunch. It’s these weird little tacos from the freezer. She saw I bought them yesterday when I went back to the store for more food. She likes to feed herself, so she likes those even if they don’t taste the best. Or at least they don’t to me.”

“Ah, kids. That one in there loves bagel bites. So I treat him to those on occasion. What were the plans for lunch?”

“Simple thing; I was going to toss in the taco things for her for lunch. I have bagel bites as well. Then there are a whole bunch of things that can be thrown in together to make something quick for the adults. Why?”

“Abuela is bringing tamales. So make room for those to be cooked at lunchtime. She made up a whole big bunch of them earlier this week and kept some out from freezing.”

“Oh, that sounds awesome, actually. Are you sure she’s bringing enough for all of us?”

“Yes. I promise. We can make a side dish to make sure if you were worried, but she always thinks that we are going to eat more than we do for lunch.”

“It sounds like you come up for Thanksgiving a lot.”

“Yes. My parents are pouting and staying in El Paso because I moved up here. They think I need to be down where they can tell me everything I do wrong.”

A few minutes later, Evan realized they had been moving around each other, grabbing things from Eddie’s bag and the cabinets for Evan. It was like they had known each other for a lot longer than they had. It felt right, and that kind of scared Evan.

“So, I think you have enough pans,” Eddie said.

“I think so as well. You can drop that in the dining room so we can grab it if we need. What else is needed?”

“I have no idea. The list ran away.” Evan looked around for it and shook his head before heading to the dining room to get the list from his father.

“Not done with it.”

‘You can do it in the kitchen. We need to see what we need to do with it.”

“Oh, sorry. I’ll just follow you then. I didn’t want to interrupt the flirting.’

“We are not-” Evan stopped at the look his father gave him. He blushed.

“Yeah, you’ve not liked someone as quickly as you do Eddie in years.”

“He didn’t question a single thing about me having Xi or that her name is different than mine.”

“Marisol probably told him. You can’t think that anyone is going to fault you for taking in a kid you got attached to when no one was left for her. No one was going to love her as much as you do. You nearly lost that spark of happiness inside of you when Maria died. I don’t think you loved her like a lover but something close to Maddie. You are a good man, and Eddie can see that.’

“I can, and you are right that Marisol did tell us all about you. That you are willing to teach her all about her heritage, and it’s why Marisol is the main babysitter. She left most of the reasons why you have her to herself as she doesn’t like to speak out of turn, but she said that you did something few would ever do.”

“I’m sure that Maddie would love to tell the story. She likes to tell everyone she can. Her baby brother became friends with a terminally ill woman with cancer and took the baby when she died.”

Eddie’s eyes widened at that, but he said nothing else; it seemed he sensed it wasn’t something Evan wanted to talk about, and he didn’t. Evan wasn’t sure why in the hell he was telling Eddie nearly as much as he was. He didn’t open up like that to many people. It was like Eddie was getting under his skin in a way that he had never felt before.

Every time Evan thought he fell in love, something went weird, and then he was left alone again. Then he realized it wasn’t love; it was just strong affection and wanting to love them. There was a reason why he was alone now. He didn’t want to just traipse men and women in and out of Xi’s life. He didn’t want to be that kind of person. His father has never seemed lonely, but then Evan hadn’t paid attention to that kind of thing.

Losing a spouse the way that Phillip had lost Margaret had to change the way one looked at life.

“I think you and I need to get drunk one night and just exchange all of the bad shit in our lives and get it over with,” Eddie said.

“I’m up for that. I know the perfect place we can do it as well.”

Eddie raised an eye at Evan.

“Oh, no. We will go there tomorrow. Maddie’s watching Xi, and I’m sure she’ll take on Chris because I feel they are going to click today, and then you and I can have a good night out being adults.”

“Really? You think they are going to click?”

Evan nodded. He would tell Eddie to put his money where his mouth was, but he didn’t really want to dive into that kind of thing at the moment.

“So, I think you need to put your money where your mouth is. You buy the first three drinks if you lose, and I buy the three if I lose.”

“That sounds good. So if things go as I think, then we can just sleep here. I have more than enough guest rooms.”

“Chris will be taking a nap at some point. His way of moving through the world tires him out a lot some days, and since this is a new place, he will want to explore.”

“Well, if the door is open, he can. It’s a pretty simple house, honestly.”

“Why one floor?”

“Firefighter injuries. I was injured last year and had trouble working as a nurse. So when we were looking here, I wanted to make sure that if I get hurt, I can move around my entire place.”

“It’s smart, not something everyone would think about. Okay, come here, and I’ll teach you how to do this.” Eddie went to get the pan out of the oven and turned it down.

The smell that came out when the door was opened was like heaven. Evan really wanted to just stuff his head in there and never take it out.

Chapter Three

November

Evan groaned as he rolled onto his back from his side. He hated sleeping on his side. He knew why he had done it the night before. It didn’t make it any better. Eddie could put them back like no one else in Evan’s life, and it wasn’t a horrible thing. It had been a while since Evan felt like he could let go like that. He had his family to help with Xi, and he wasn’t on medications for his accident. He wasn’t going to be going to work the next day. There was just so much fun that they could have with this.

Eddie had come over and stayed the night, so Evan was planning on making breakfast, but he was pretty sure he needed a good bit of juice, water, and coffee before that happened. It wasn’t like he was a stranger to days like this, but it had been a few years. His body wasn’t able to keep up as it had before. Still, he planned to have as much fun with Eddie as possible. He felt like they both needed it.

The emotional bloodletting they had with each other over their lives had been good. It had felt cathartic, even if Evan had been tipsy as hell by the time they got to the end of it all. It seemed like Eddie had been happy to find someone who could understand a parent who was not the best but who one still loved.

Evan loved his mother in a vague way in that she had never done anything really to make him hate her.

“You look like you did the one night after your first kegger in your freshman year,” Maddie said.

“He drinks like that sailor I dated in my senior year.”

“You didn’t date a sailor.” Maddie’s nose wrinkled up, and she looked like she was trying to figure out who he was talking about.

“I did. I just didn’t talk about him much. No one knew we were dating, and even when I talked to you, I just talked about us hanging out. He was still in the closet despite his commander not caring who was on the team. He was there while he recovered from an injury, and it was the only college with the course he wanted to take.”

“Oh, my God! Evan, Leroy was a Navy man?”

“Yes. Like I said, he wasn’t out yet. We had a lot of fun. He’s married now with a couple of kids. His husband works at home and takes care of the kids while working on further degrees. It’s been interesting to get letters from him.”

“He’s the one you send snail mail letters back and forth to? Does his husband know?”

“Yes. He even adds his own little bits, sometimes at the end and sometimes in the margins. You wouldn’t think I would let someone emotionally cheat with me, did you?”

“No, not if you noticed, but you don’t notice anyone flirting with you unless they stick their tongue down your throat or give you their number.”

“Well, that’s because I think it’s the fact that so many do it. I just think it’s the way people are.”

Maddie shook her head. “I’ll get coffee going and get that juice out that you like to drink after drinking.”

“Eddie’s got some juice in the fridge as well; he said it’s his post-drinking juice. I think pancakes and a whole pig.”

“Well, the whole pig is already in the oven. I cooked the sausage early, and it’s been in there to stay warm, and the bacon was just thrown onto the sheet and stuck in there. I have pancake batter nearly ready to go. I heard you moving around. Thank you for sleeping on your side. Given the way you stripped in here.” Maddie took her time looking around at where Evan had thrown his clothes. “You were drunk as hell last night.”

“Been a while, and I had fun. Dad drove us home when he headed out for the night.”

“Good. Did you Uber over?”

“Yes.”

“Well, Xi was a perfect angel like she always is for me. Chris was good as well. He liked playing with Xi and seemed like he was really happy when she would leave him alone when he started to play his games.”

“What? I don’t want my kid to be that one that thinks everything in the house revolves around her. I knew too many kids over the years that did that, especially ones that were only children.”

Maddie just laughed and trotted out of the room, making as much noise as possible. Evan flipped her off before heading to his bathroom to splash water on his face and rinse his mouth. He would brush after his coffee and eating. Once he had the coffee and some of the juice down, his mouth would taste less like something had died in it. He had drunk more than enough water the night before, but still, there was a lot of alcohol in all of that.

Chris was in the kitchen by the time Evan made it in there. Xi was in the living room playing with blocks. Chris looked up at Evan and waved his hand before he yawned. He dropped his head down and sighed.

“Wow, that sounds like a rough life there, little man.”

Chris flapped his hand at Evan in a vague go-away motion. Evan laughed and headed over to get the coffee that smelled like heaven. He found the glass of juice beside his coffee cup, and there was already enough of his creamer in the coffee cup. He poured in the coffee and took a sip.

“You are my favorite sister,” Evan said.

“I had better be your only sister.”

“Well, I could acquire more siblings in marriage. I guess I should say you will always be my favorite sister.”

Maddie laughed as she flipped a pancake. It looked like the ones Evan had taught her with strawberries, chocolate, and walnuts. It smelled wonderful, and he was looking forward to it. He would have to work out like crazy later, but it was all worth it.

“Why are you all so chipper?”

“It’s just the Buckleys,” Chris said without raising his head up.

“Ugh,” Eddie said. He dropped down into a seat beside Chris and ruffled his hair before slumping back.

Evan grabbed Eddie’s juice from the fridge and laid it on the table.

Eddie poured out a little for Chris before he started to just drink out of the jug. “Your father’s drinks are wicked as hell. That Kicked Up PB Cup was insane.”

“It’s actually one that Evan kind of made. Most of the shots are. The actual alcohols that make each one up changed a little from what’s available here to what’s there in Pittsburgh but yeah. He’s lethal with stuff that will get you drunk as heck.”

“I raise my glass to you, good, sir.” Eddie lifted his cup up and toasted Evan with it. He took a drink, his eyes closed. It looked like it was nearly a religious experience.

“Oh,” Evan said. He sat down in the chair a little harder than he planned to.

“What’s wrong?” Eddie asked.

“I was just thinking, and I am not sure I can do that part of it all. The religion side, Catholic.”

“Was Maria Catholic?”

“She said she wasn’t too much into it, but then cancer patients either go super religious or super not when in chemo and after a diagnosis. I wasn’t sure if she was just saying that because she knew I don’t really believe in God, not the way that Christians do. I think there is something up there but not someone who gives a fuck what we do in our daily lives.”

Chris slid his hand out on the table. Eddie laughed and tapped his hand a little.

“You can get money for the swear words later.”

“Sorry,” Evan said.

“No, it’s not like you were reenacting that guy from last night. Chris wants to go to Disney again. So he’s been teasing the line on what is a swear word for the swear jar and what’s not. He’ll be fine. Don’t worry. Look, she might not be. My family is, and I have some comfort from a few religious things, but outside of times of extreme stress and my St. Christopher medal on my necklace, I don’t consider myself religious. You are willing to teach her everything else; that’s all you can do. You cannot force yourself to believe. Marisol might talk to her about a few things as she ages up, but at her age now, it’s nothing.”

“I didn’t even think of religion until just right now. I am usually better at things like that.”

“Eh, you aren’t religious by nature, and while for some Catholicism is entrenched with who they are as a Latino person, it’s not always. She might never want to learn about it, but as long as you are open to her learning, if she is, then it’s nothing.”

“I don’t care what she does. I would never limit my kid like that. It seems stupid and actively making it to where you and the kid won’t get along. It just seems stupid. I would never want to be that kind of parent.”

“You say that now. I’m sure that there are those who are like that now who thought like you do.”

“I’m not tangled up in the idea that my way is the highway and that I’m always right. I know that mistakes are easy to make and that coming back from them makes things better. I guess, though, I can see it with her dating the wrong kind of kid when she starts to date or something like that. Ah, this is too much for my brain right now.”

Eddie laughed, and he started to rub Chris’ back.

“You’ll be just fine, I think. Don’t worry so much. Don’t borrow trouble before it’s here. It’s not like the job where you have to think ten steps ahead in three different outcomes.”

“Oh, speaking of the job. You said last night you were working on getting your body up to par for the academy before you started. I have a room here with stuff in it. Well, two, but the really intense stuff is in the basement. I have the stuff up here that can be used for just maintenance and the like. We can work out together later if you want to borrow clothes.”

“You just don’t want to be alone to have your family descend on you.”

“No, Dad’s going to be at the bar all day, and Maddie’s got a shift. She doesn’t have kids, so she takes the shitty shifts around holidays so that someone with a kid doesn’t have to go in. She’ll not be here either.”

“No, I won’t,” Maddie said as she came into the room again in time to take the pancake off the stove. She slipped that one in front of Chris on a plate.

“She also hears everything,” Evan said.

“Sisters usually do, no matter if they are younger or older.”

Evan picked up his coffee and took a drink of it. He needed all of it because of little to no sleep. Still, he didn’t like sleeping in unless he needed to.

—

There was something about the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas that would make people insane. Evan picked up the three coffees and carried them over to where he was sitting with Tommy and Mia. The engine was parked outside, and Parker was in line for his drink since it had been messed up the first time it had been made.

“I swear that people lose all civility this time of year,” Evan said. He looked at the woman who had tried to cut him off in the line when he had been standing there to order. Parker had gotten in line first, but the man wasn’t good at remembering other orders and fucked them up all the time, so no one trusted him to order for them. He was a damned good firefighter when he wasn’t chained to the engine, but the man sucked at coffee ordering.

The woman had tried to slip in line behind the guy in front of Evan, but Evan had just cleared his throat and told her the line was behind him. She tried to flirt to get him to let her stay there, but he didn’t allow that. She huffed and stalked off, muttering that all men were pigs. Evan had just rolled his eyes and waited his turn.

After that, a pair of friends tried to take Evan’s drink when it was up. Of course, neither of them was Evan, so that was easy to sort out. Then the other two drinks came out right after.

“Eh, they are all in their heads and don’t think about how they act and how it comes off to other people. Most of the time. Then there are the ones that try and kill people over toys on Black Friday. I’m not looking forward to having to work it next year,” Tommy said.

“The ER side of things was always insane. I would sometimes pick up shifts at the hospital if I wasn’t working that Friday. It’s interesting to see how it changes as the years go on. One ER nurse once told me about a guy who shot another to try and take that red toy…what was it.”

“Which red toy?” Mia asked.

“I don’t know…oh wait, Sesame Street. That thing.”

“Ah, Tickle Me Elmo,” Tommy said.

“Yeah, that. I didn’t like Sesame Street at all. So I never got into the things like that. Thankfully, Dad never pushed it all. I was allowed to like what I liked.”

“That’s good. I grew up on it but aged out of it before my time, according to my parents. I wanted to watch Power Rangers.”

“Now that I got into. Of course, science fiction and fantasy were the top things I really liked. I think it’s why I didn’t like Sesame Street, despite the talking animals, a counting vampire, and all other things that are unreal.” Evan lifted up his cup to take a drink as their radios chirped.

“Let’s go,” Tommy said. He took his cup with him. There were a few drink holders in the front of the engine that they could stick things in. Parker was finishing off his drink as they got outside. He tossed the cup into the holder before they all got inside the engine. They were only two blocks from the station, so they waited for the ladder truck to pull up to them before falling in line behind it.

The call was thankfully a simple kitchen fire, and while it was overkill to have everything out, the simple kitchen fire can become a huge fire with little issue. There were a few injuries but not enough, that they had to go to the hospital. So, Evan was mostly bored on the call. He wouldn’t say that out loud, but it was a fact.

“I guess that we can just pray that it’s the last of the kitchen fires we respond to,” Misha said as she pulled her gloves off as the last patient walked away.

“I think you are wishing on a falling star that someone else has claimed,” Parker said.

“Maybe, but I can hope and pray. I hate it when we do them because we never know what is happening and if the call will turn into the worst variation.”

“We will be responding to more than a few burning tree calls, won’t we?” Evan asked.

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” Parker said.

“By the heavens above, Evan?” a woman asked.

Evan looked to the side to see Mia walking a little old lady over.

“Miss Edna, what are you doing in LA? You are supposed to be in San Francisco.” Evan looked behind her to see a man with her who looked a lot worried.

“Can he take care of me?” Edna asked Mia.

“I can watch to make sure, but yes, I can let your young man help you.” Mia winked at Evan.

Evan climbed into the back of the ambulance and helped Edna get up inside as well. Her arm was wrapped in a tea towel. “What did you do?”

“The sirens scared me a little, and I dropped a knife. It was just right to slice my arm up. Seth here is worried that I need stitches, and when he called 9-1-1 to find out if I should go or not, the lady on the other end told him that paramedics were right down the road and we found the lovely Mia here.”

“She is quite lovely. You didn’t answer why you are in LA and not San Fran.” Evan was careful as he unwrapped Edna’s arm. He looked at Seth to see he looked a little green around the gills. “Don’t like blood?”

“No. Not at all.” Seth looked away.

“Just after they got me moved into the house, Seth got offered a better job with better everything here. They also paid to move us and everything. So we moved here. What are you doing here?”

“Well, I was in a car accident after you moved away. I had already been getting burned out on being a nurse, as you know. I decided while I was being cut out of my car that I wanted to do that. So once I was cleared to do things, I started to build more muscle and train to do it. I was offered spots across the county, but the best were here and in New York.’

“And you hate the snow.”

“And I hate the snow. Do you remember Maria?” Evan focused on his work, but it was easy to talk to Edna. It was just like being back in the cancer center.

“Yes, the dear girl. She had been through so much. Why?”

“That’s the other reason I’m out here. Getting away from where her family or dead husbands’ would have the chance to abuse Xi. I take my job as her father very seriously.”

“She went through with it then? She had been debating it. She’s gotta be growing into a lovely girl.”

“She is. Now, you do need stitches, but there doesn’t seem to be anything else going on here. Are you being treated at the moment?”

“No, I’m still in remission. Fit and clean as my last check-up two weeks ago. I’m doing good, Evan.”

“Okay. Then I think that this will be fine for us to do here. Mia is actually better at stitches than me, so I’m going to let her do that, but I’ll help.”

“I remember that one you gave Gene. He called it his war wound after it scarred up.’

“It was going to scar no matter what. I just did the best I could since he’s a stubborn old man who decided that no one but me was allowed to treat him for things like that.”

“Numbing?” Mia asked.

“None, actually. She has allergic reactions to most of it. So she’s going to hold onto my arm and squeeze the crap out of me. It’s what we did all the time when she was getting something done. Don’t worry. I’ve only gotten stronger. It’s going to be harder for you to break me.”

Edna laughed, and she grabbed at his arm when he moved to allow Mia to put in the stitches. It was just going to need three over a certain section. The rest was just going to be good with butterfly closures. They were in massive supply, and he would put them down.

“So, Seth, do you need someone to come and clean up the blood?”

“Oh, God, I didn’t even think about that.”

“Well, I’ll escort you back and clean up quickly. The type of fire we just responded to, we will be here for at least another half an hour to make sure that it doesn’t spark again. If they need me, I’ll be in range to get there as quick as possible. I’ll clean up the blood and make sure this is going to hold, and then head back to work.”

“Mom talks about you all the time,” Seth said.

“She does?”

“Yes, none of the ER nurses are the ones she likes. We did go to a new place this last time she had a dizzy spell from a change in her meds. There was a young nurse there that just latched onto her. Mom really liked Maddie.”

“Oh wow. At Byrne Memorial?”

“Yes.”

“Has a badge real that says she’s a BAMF?” Evan asked.

Edna narrowed her eyes at him. “Did you get married?”

“Oh, no. That’s my sister. She was talking about a very sweet lady she treated for dizziness the other day and how she wanted to adopt her as a grandmother. I’ll have to tell her it’s too late, and I already had.” Evan had thought it sounded like Edna, but he had thought she was in San Francisco.

“You are good to go, Miss Edna. Seth, why don’t you stay with me so I can fill out the paperwork and Evan can escort her home.”

“That’s great. Here you go.” Seth handed over a set of keys.

Edna took them with her free hand while Evan started to wrap her arm. It was a simple cut, but he understood why Seth was worried. Seth’s wife, Edna’s daughter, was very close to her. Despite being on different coasts, they sometimes spent the whole time on the phone together during Edna’s cancer treatments. Edna had been a wonderful patient.

“We also need to take a selfie to make sure that Maddie’s jealous that I got to see you.”

“Well, let’s do that at home instead of in the back of the ambulance. I don’t want her worrying over me too much.”

“She’s going to worry about you being with me anyway.’

“You can just tell her I saw you fighting this fire. It’s not like that face is one that’s on every street, Evan Buckley.”

“At least it wasn’t a full name,” Seth said.

Evan climbed out and waited for Edna to get out as well. Edna was more mobile than Evan expected, given how weak she was before she moved to San Francisco. Still, it was good to see her moving around so much.

“I’ll let Tommy know where you are in case he worries about his probie.”

“Thanks.” Evan saluted Mia before holding his arm for Edna to link hers through. It was how they always walked when he escorted her anywhere in the hospital. “It’s good to see you so much improved. I hated that you moved so far away, but I understood.”

“You got entirely too attached to too many of us.”

“It was hard not to with my regulars. But I know that it’s why I burned out so fast. I don’t regret what I did, though. I met some wonderful people I love dearly, and even knowing them for months improved my life. I’ll probably go back if I ever get to where I can’t do this job anymore due to injury. I keep most of my accreditation up, and I made sure I got it transferred here. It’s why I can help with extra stuff on calls.”

Edna pointed out the house, and the kitchen did look like it was a murder scene. Probably from Seth freaking out more than Edna freaking out. Edna was a warrior. She had survived a lot in her life.

“You are still as sweet as you were. I want to see pictures of Xi before you leave. I haven’t made as many friends as my daughter would like. Seth keeps telling her that I will in my own time. That I left a lot of friends behind.”

“I volunteer at the hospital when I can and just talk to patients who are ongoing treatment alone for a variety of reasons. They could use more who do that.”

“You are just aiming to keep on hurting yourself, aren’t you?”

Evan shrugged. He didn’t mind too much about losing them. He had gotten used to it, and it was worth it to make their last days not as filled with loneliness.

“Seth is off today; it’s the only reason he’s here. I can still drive. Maybe the next day you can come, and we can go together. Where at?”

“Byrne. It’s why Maddie applied there. I like it. Now you be careful with knives. Let’s get that picture, and I’ll head out after showing you a video of Xi; how does that sound?”

“Lovely.”

By the time Evan made it back to the engine, the team was finishing up from where a small area started to smoke. It hadn’t needed him, but Evan felt wrong for that.

“We are just as much firefighters as we ambassadors. We are there on what might be the worst day of their life,” Tommy said.

“Still, I could have helped with this.”

“You helped an old woman feel safe and a man not throw up. Mia said he looked like he was going to throw up, just describing the accident for her in the report. I haven’t seen someone that bad in a long time.”

“They don’t have kids yet, but I think it’ll be Edna in the delivery room with her daughter.”

“Mia said she was a patient of yours in Pittsburgh?”

“She was. One of the few who made it through and was in good spirits by the end. She had a strong and angry cancer that didn’t want to let her go. I think it was waiting for the first grandkid that got her through. Her husband died when her daughter was young, so it was just the two of them. Seth got a job in San Francisco, and Edna didn’t want to move until cancer nearly took her. Her care was handed off to a good doctor in San Fran. I kept waiting to hear that she had passed. I’m happy as hell to see her happy and alive.”

“It’s all one can ask for. Cleaning up is something we do sometimes when we have the chance. Some of us have gone back after a shift to help with things that can’t be done by the person, and they don’t have a lot of money. You did good, probie.”

Evan laughed, and he felt his cheeks warming up. He wasn’t sure what kind of jokes he would get for this, but he didn’t care. No one at the 217 were mean in their jokes.

—

“No, Eddie, I swear to my coffee machine that I am not making this up,” Evan said as he pulled his shoe off. He danced around to get the other off and stopped when he realized how loud it was.

“You can swear to God. I know what you mean by it.”

“Nah, I cut that stuff out a long time ago. It slips through occasionally, but I mostly don’t say it. So what are your plans for today? Chris is in school, right?”

“Yes. He is, and I have a day off since I’ll be working Saturday to cover some stuff that can’t be done when the building is in use. Why?”

“Well, I had planned to hit the gym I go to on occasion. You said you wanted to check it out if I went and you had time.”

“Okay, that works. I’ll head to your place, and we can ride in your Jeep. Is it still purple?”

“Yes. I won’t change back for at least another two months. February, I try and talk Maddie out of a pink side piece or two to have a pink and purple Jeep. She usually gives in, and we swap, and she had a pink and purple Jeep too.”

“If Jeep made a truck that could swap parts and everything, I might consider it. After seeing the safety rating. The truck I have now isn’t the best on the market, but it’s what I could afford when I got it years ago.”

“I got the best I could in safety as well. I’ll leave the door unlocked for you; just come on in. Marisol’s in the kitchen, and I think Xi is still asleep. She had a bad night, coughing and such. Marisol is sick as well, so I’ve got the run of a few rooms. They stay out of them, so I don’t get sick as well. I clean the kitchen before I cook my food.”

“Cold?”

“Stomach virus at the same time as a cold. Xi didn’t even want to cuddle with me before I went on shift yesterday. Her fever broke the day before, but the cough lingers, and she’s still a little upset on the stomach front. She doesn’t like to be touched when she’s like that. Still, I missed my cuddles before work yesterday.”

“Chris only wants to cuddle when he’s sick, and he’s thrown more than one fit when he doesn’t get it. It’s calmed down now that we are here. He’s been sick just once, but that could be from just being here. I also think that my mother and father never cared much for him when he was sick and ignored him if they did have to take care of him. My mother never had time for us kids when we were sick.”

“And throw in Chris’ disability. I can see that. Okay, I’m going to get changed to head to the gym and see what’s up. Like I said, let yourself in when you get here. I’ll take it from there.”

“Sure. I’ll see you soon.”

Evan hung up, and he found Xi asleep in her bed. She looked like she was going to be out for a while. Which was good. Sleep was good for her when she was sick.

“Her fever came back a little last night, but I didn’t realize until after you hadn’t responded to my last text. So I didn’t want to wake you up if you were asleep.’

“That’s fine. I did pass out. Eddie’s on his way, and I told him to come inside. We are going to head to the gym. Maddie’s coming over after she’s off work and going to take over Xi watching for the morning.”

“I put that casserole in the fridge for your lunch today. Let me know when she needs watched again.”

“Thank you for staying with her. She wanted you more than me, and while it sucked, I understand it, given the last time she had a cold.”

Marisol pinched Evan’s cheek, and she smiled. “I go in tomorrow for bloodwork and a few other tests before surgery. Once that goes through, I’ll know the exact date.”

“Well, the guest room is ready for you whenever. Your insurance is still fine with you staying here after you get out of the rehab place where they are going to stick you, right?”

“Yes. The nurse they will send around will make sure that the place is set up before I come home and that everything is fine. The shower thing will be coming with me, so don’t worry about buying one. I’ll leave it here as well; you have more storage than I do.”

“I do.” Evan pulled Marisol in for a hug, letting him enjoy it.

“When are you going to ask that man on a date?”

“It’s not even December yet, Abuela. Don’t even. We are still getting to know each other. Don’t even joke like that.”

Marisol shrugged before she headed to the door. She picked up her shoes and went back to the kitchen with them, so Evan followed in time to see her starting the water and then getting some mud off the side. He headed to the bedroom to get changed. It wouldn’t be long before Eddie was there. Buck had debated giving Eddie a key; maybe it was time for that.

There were a lot of times when Evan might be busy, and Eddie would want to be inside. It was probably too early, though, and Eddie would think that Evan was needy. It was so horrible navigating things like this. Despite having friends growing up, all of them were shallow. Evan kept up with a few on Facebook, and they talked. Usually, it was people he played sports with that he kept close to as they spent the most time together. The thought of giving any of them a key wasn’t something Evan liked. Yet, with Eddie, the want was there.

Shaking his head, Evan tried to figure out what he would wear to the gym. He packed a bag of stuff that he would change into and made sure to pack extra things like socks and underwear in case Eddie didn’t think about them. As Evan was moving to the living room to drop his things off, the front door opened, and there was Eddie with a gym bag over his shoulder. He gave Evan a smile.

“Thanks for this. Your setup is great, but not enough for what I need. The last three gyms I’ve tried were too full of men who try to dominate the other men around by making noises and slamming shit on the ground. It really sucked.”

“Yeah, this isn’t allowed there, and to be honest, there are more women there. Which doesn’t mean they don’t get up to those kinds of shenanigans, but these don’t. I’m gonna go kiss Xi bye, and then we can head out. Marisol has lunch mostly ready. When we get back, we can put it in the oven.”

Eddie nodded, a smile on his face. It wasn’t like some of the other smiles, but at least it didn’t look fake. There was something broken about Eddie, and Evan just wanted to fix it.

Chapter Four

December

Evan wasn’t sure why he was heading to Eddie’s house with Xi in tow. He had been asked to, it was why, but he wasn’t sure why Eddie wanted him there. There had been more than a few times when Evan came over, but it was usually when they were out with the kids or something like it.

Eddie was waiting at the door for him when Evan pulled into the spot behind Eddie’s truck in the driveway. The driveway was pretty long and big enough to fit two cars abreast, but Eddie was parked in the middle, probably to allow Chris a lot of space to move around both sides of the truck. The look on Eddie’s face said a lot about why Evan was there. He looked upset and just unhappy in general.

“Papa, play?” Xi asked.

“Yeah, princess, you’ll be able to play.” Evan pulled her free of the car seat in the backseat and let her run up to Eddie. The man looked like he needed a Xi hug.

Evan snagged the bag he had packed for Xi and himself for the day, and when he turned around, Eddie was coming up out of a crouch with Xi in his arms. She had her head on his shoulder, patting his other shoulder in her way to try to comfort him. Whatever was going on, even Xi knew that something was wrong.

“Hey,” Evan said.

“Hi. Chris has legos out in his room. Xi said I needed a hug.”

“You do look like it.”

“Yeah. I need opinions, and my lawyer is just… bloodthirsty. It’s what I get for going with the one that Abuela suggested. I am not sure she even understands that I don’t hate Shannon. She was shitty to Chris and me, but I also know she loves Chris in a weird way. The more I think about it, the more I think she just wasn’t ready to be a parent to any kid, much less a kid with needs like Chris’. I can forgive her for running away, but I will never forget.”

“Sometimes that’s best, as forgetting just means they get to do it again. No one should be given that freedom in life, even though too many are. I am unsure how my life would have been if my father hadn’t cared. I’d probably be a fuck up of some kind, wanting love and affection from anyone who would give it to me and not caring what it did to me. So, let’s see what kind of opinions I can give you about your wife.”

Eddie waved toward the kitchen. The island had a pile of paperwork on it. Two stools were up at it, even though it looked like they were mismatched from somewhere else. It made Eddie’s place feel lived in, though. Evan had spent part of his days off helping Eddie get fully moved in so that Chris had an easy transition from living with Abuela to living just with his father. Everyone seemed happy about it, though.

Evan settled on the stool and pulled the first paper toward him. It was a timeline from when Eddie and Shannon met and everything after. There were a lot of times on there that made it look like it was a good relationship right up until they married. That was when it looked like it all went wrong. After they married and then Chris was born. It didn’t look like it was the worst thing, though. There were good moments.

“This is pretty sad. I’m sorry you had to sit down and lay out your relationship like this.”

“It started as an exercise from my therapist.”

“Therapist?”

“Chris asked me if he could see one to talk about Shannon leaving and his feelings on his grandparents without having to worry about upsetting me. We went to the first session together so the therapist could see how we were together and get a good baseline of the adult in his life. It was a good session, and Chris said a few things that made me think that I needed help as well. I am his only parent, and I need to be the best for him.”

“Sorry to wreck your life.”

“No, it’s nothing you did. Or at least it’s not a bad thing. My parents are classic cases of teaching all of their kids that toxic masculinity is good. My therapist and I talked about it a lot during the first session. Which was two hours long. I didn’t put a lot of stock in much when it came to it, but it’s helped me see the stuff they taught me that I need to get out of my head. I wasn’t even aware of how much of that shit was in there until I went to that first session. I came out with this homework. I wasn’t sure what I wanted out of therapy, but I think that a divorce with me getting custody is the first step. Chris doesn’t like his school, but I didn’t have time to get him set up anywhere, so we have plans to get him somewhere else by the start of the next school year. I need this all figured out because private schools will want to talk to Shannon. My therapist pointed that out.’

“She’s still your wife and has all the rights that go with that and your child. So. you want me to…what?”

“Look at my demands. I want to make sure it’s not stupid. I don’t want to go into a law office and have the lawyer dominate me on what needs to happen. I just want to be fair in this.”

“Well, let’s see what you want.”

“I have three things. First, I get everything. She signs away her rights, has no say in his life, and pays nothing. The second is child support, and we can decide later when she comes back into his life. Then the third is her being reintroduced, and we share custody. She’s introduced back in his life now with the therapist helping, which she had already said she was more than willing to help with. Based on this, we can discuss a plan, but she doesn’t think that Shannon should just be introduced after nearly two years without a therapist handling it. I never would have thought about it.”

“It can cause trauma, especially if she leaves again. Chris is getting old enough to understand that she’s running from him as well as you. It’s not just that she left you; she also cut off contact with him. He’ll figure it out and wonder if it was because of him.”

“Speaking from experience?”

“Dad shoved us into therapy every chance he got. I started at seven when one of the kids told me my mother killed herself to escape me. My parents fled Pittsburgh to get away from being judged for having me to save Daniel. Then dad moved us back, but everything with my mother came out. It was hard to keep it quiet, and a few kids tried to bully me over it. I was always pretty big for my age. I was also a target for bullying because I don’t like to fight. I would run away, given a chance. Maddie said it’s because Mom would yell a lot after Daniel’s death.”

“I mean, he has two wonderful kids. You took in a kid from a lady you knew from work, you both work in service jobs that help the community a lot, and you even volunteer in a place that is going to break your heart, and we all know it.’

Evan shrugged, and he wasn’t sure what to say to that. He knew it would, but his heart was still in the oncology unit; he just couldn’t work there anymore, not after Maria.

“Well, it sounds good.”

“That’s just the overview more than the actuality of it. I have a huge list of stuff. I want my lawyer to push the middle one, but I feel that Shannon will want to cut all contact. She got to where I think she resented being a mother to Chris, and I hate that. I want us to be friends and for her to be a mother to Chris, but I am not sure it can happen right now. There might be a chance in the future, but I think if she goes no contact, I might make it to where she has to wait until Chris is an adult to allow her back.”

“I mean, it sounds good. And Chris’ therapist agrees?”

“Yes. I won’t keep anything from him. If she says she wants nothing to do with either of us and cuts her parental rights, I’m going to tell him. I can’t keep those kinds of secrets from him. It’s not fair to him or me in that case.”

“No, I agree, but I guess I’m just shocked that you feel like that. You seem to still love her.”

“I hate her and love her all the same. It’s all twisted in my head. Honestly, I have no clue what a relationship between us would look like. It would be sex, and that would be it, I think. I can’t trust her with my heart again.”

Evan knew Eddie was crying even though Evan wasn’t looking at him. He wasn’t sure what to do with that. He wasn’t one for tears too often, not when he didn’t know people well. He could handle patients since he had to be all stoic and shit, and he perfected that while being a nurse. It had made this job better. Evan didn’t know if Eddie was someone who wanted to be touched when he was crying or if he wanted to be left alone.

“Um, I…don’t know what to do here, Eddie.”

“Sorry.” Eddie wiped at his eyes.

“No, you are fine. I just…I don’t want to misstep. Do you want a hug? Do you want me to leave the room? Do you want something in between?”

Eddie laughed, and it just seemed to push more tears out. “I have no clue. I…crying was something I was only allowed to do in the shower. Real men don’t cry.”

“I would love to see your parents say that in a firehouse full of men who cry. Hell, we were watching a movie last week, and no one had dry eyes in there. That’s not a real person at all. A real person has emotions and shows them.”

“I was only allowed to show anger. It was the only acceptable emotion.”

“Fuck them,” Evan said.

“She left me. I was home days from being in the hospital with men and women who were going home without limbs, unable to interact with the world the same. I was mostly fine. I was having trouble with certain things. But I could interact with the world the same. She left.”

The tears started to fall down even faster, and Eddie looked miserable. Evan felt like he needed an adult. He wasn’t sure what the hell he was supposed to do, so he just hoped that Eddie didn’t freak out on him. He slipped off the stool, headed around the island, and then hugged Eddie. He really hoped that the kids didn’t come into the room because he wasn’t sure that Eddie was ready for Chris to see him breaking down.

From just the short time they had known each other, Evan knew that Eddie would not want to be seen breaking down in front of Chris at the moment. It was something to work on for later. Evan held on tight as Eddie seemed to break down over everything in his life in one go. He wasn’t sure this was healthy. Or maybe it was the first step in Eddie getting rid of the demons inside of him.

“Sorry,” Eddie said when he finally got a hold of himself.

“It’s okay. I mean that. I think you needed that. To get rid of all of your emotions over someone you feel safe with. I’m humbled that it’s me, even if I’m freaked out and looked around for a more adultier adult to take this on.”

Eddie laughed, but it was hollow sounding even to Evan’s ears. He rubbed his hand up and down Eddie’s back as Eddie got himself the rest of the way under control. There was nothing to fear of Evan making fun of him, and Evan hoped Eddie knew that.

“Thanks for that. I…it started, and I just couldn’t stop. It felt like it wouldn’t stop until I was fully done.”

“I think you’ve been holding it in and then talking with the therapist and deciding this, just made it all come out. I’m not shocked.”

“I didn’t ask you over here to cry on you.”

“I know. Let’s get through this, and then we can start making dinner. I’m feeling tacos.”

“Xi’s feeling tacos.”

“Eh, do you have pineapple?”

“I do. Why?”

“She’s been big on chorizo and pineapple together on things. I swear I could put it on her cereal, and she would eat it all. It’s strange, but I’m growing to like it.”

“So what else goes on these tacos with chorizo and pineapple?”

“Oh, chicken or beef or steak. Lettuce if we have it, and I feel like chopping it up. Pico. Anything I put on them. She’s not been wanting her frozen tacos at all, so I’ve been keeping some random things back and some pico in the fridge just to make sure she’s happy.”

“Well, there is nothing wrong with that. It’s good to have standards.”

Evan stuck his tongue out at Eddie and smiled when Eddie laughed. His world had been rocked with emotional release, and Evan made mental plans to stay with him as long as Eddie allowed him to. This wasn’t the time to be alone.

—

Xi screamed as she ran toward the pool and jumped down into it. She had her floaties on her arms, and she started to kick around as she surfaced.

The pool was honestly one of the best things about the house he had bought. Of course, that meant swimming lessons for Xi. Those had started as soon as they moved to LA, but then, once Evan bought a house with a pool, they had been upped. Evan wasn’t going to leave her alone in the pool area ever, but at least she could run and jump in with her floaties. If Evan was in the pool with her, she could go without them.

“Dad, can I get in the pool now?” Chris asked.

Evan spun around to see Chris coming closer to the pool with Eddie behind him. Eddie had a backpack thrown over his shoulder. He was smiling, and the smile went up to Eddie’s eyes for the first time since the breakdown two weeks ago.

The court system was slow, especially with it being December, but Eddie was making headway.

“Hey, Buck,” Chris said.

“Good afternoon, Chris. There is a little bungalow over there you can change in.”

“Your pool is massive. I know I’ve looked out the door, but I guess I never paid attention to this part of the yard.”

“It’s just far enough away from the back door that it’s easy to miss it. I don’t spend as much time as I would like. I have a few heaters in it to keep it warm enough during the winter. I had them installed the last time I drained it for deep cleaning. Xi really loves the pool, so I wanted to make sure she can swim in it when she wants. The ocean holds nothing compared to this. She likes to play in the sand but would rather swim here.”

“Well, you just ratcheted up to number one in Chris’ book. He did pool therapy in El Paso on the days when he was sore from his body changing. Affording a pool isn’t too bad, but the one house I looked at getting a mortgage for didn’t have the needed fence and a few other things that made it out of my price range. The old owner, I think, was greasing palms to get that thing passed. Still, that you have one is good.”

“Yes, it is. And it’s always open to you guys. You have a key. Maddie shows up to use it while I’m working some days. Or to sun herself on the deck. I installed a ramp to make it easier for Chris to get up there.”

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“I had planned on it from the moment I bought the place. I’m not going to deny myself a place to sit and enjoy the sun when I can just install a ramp and make it easy. I’m not so naive that I don’t think that something could happen that puts me in a wheelchair, even temporarily.”

“I think most of that is the nurse in you,” Eddie said.

Evan shrugged. He didn’t mind that at all. Hell, he was pretty sure he would be okay with that kind of thing for the rest of his life. Marisol was also going to be in a wheelchair at the start of the new year for a little while, and it wasn’t guaranteed she would be out of it before she left the rehab place. The insurance company was going to be the one to decide that in the end.

“Drinks?”

“Also in the bungalow as well as a bathroom. It was all there when I moved in. I just fixed parts of it up and moved the fridge from the kitchen out here since they had a smaller one than I wanted.”

Eddie raised an eyebrow at that, but he headed over after his son.

Xi was still splashing around and getting water everywhere. She would calm down on that front soon, but her first ten minutes in the pool were always like that. Evan was already dressed and ready to go into the pool, but he had wanted to wait until Eddie and Chris got there. He tested the water again with his foot.

“I swear you are some kind of prescient person,” Eddie said as he came out of the bungalow with a towel thrown over his shoulder. It was the towel he had laid out for Eddie.

“Why? Because I picked the right towels out of what I have in the stacks?”

“Yes. Chris loves his, and after looking at the rest, this is the one I would have chosen.”

“Eh, I’m just good at reading people. I think that college and nursing school instilled that in me.”

“Well, you did well. Chris is going to take a few minutes. He’s been wanting to try surfing lessons in a few years. There is a class that he can start soon that he will graduate up through, and they take in all kinds of disabilities. His doctor suggested it when we asked about surfing.”

“Surfing is fun. I learned it in college. Trip for a summer after my freshman year. It was fun. Even Maddie went, and she was hip-deep in nursing at the time. I was afraid she would flake on it, but she didn’t. Of course, Dad went with us.”

“Your relationship with your family is weird, but I get that you are all closer due to trauma, but like, your sister just comes into your house and does what she wants.”

“I’ve told her that she can, and it’s not like I don’t talk to her daily in some form. It would be different if she wasn’t here with me every single day. I stayed in Pittsburgh for college and so I didn’t need to stay in the dorms. During my junior and senior years, I did stay with a group of friends, but that was more like seeing how I liked it. I didn’t. I still stuck with it as they were afraid of who they would get to live with me, and they couldn’t afford it without me. I still stayed home for half of the week. Studying was easy there, in the room share. I could stay in my room, but it was the mornings and having to call dad and talk to him about my day that just sucked.”

“I think that I would have loved to live like that. I saw how Adriana was with college, and I chose not to go. I didn’t regret it until I was facing life without the Army and had to work three jobs to keep us in food and shelter with Chris’ medical bills. My mother pushed that, and I think she was trying to take Chris from me. He loved me, though. He never wanted her over me, which pissed her off.”

“Your therapist?”

“Papa! Spash!” Xi splashed the water in front of her and pouted at him.

“I should get in. Follow me.” Evan walked around the pool and found the point where he wanted to go into it. It was far enough away from Xi not to catch her up, but the water from the splash should still reach her.

Evan took off running. He pulled his body into a ball as he landed in the water. He heard a scream from someone, but it didn’t pierce his ears too much. He laughed when he came up and saw Chris standing with his hands on his hips, his body swaying a little. He was glaring at Evan with a smile on his lips.

“I’m not saying sorry because you would have done the same if you could.”

Chris laughed. He made his way around the pool, walking carefully with crutches before dropping them to grab the bar that would allow him to walk down into the water. Eddie waited for Chris to be mostly in the water before he jumped into the water.

‘DAD!” Chris yelled.

Eddie came up laughing.

Xi swam to them, her hands reaching for Evan as soon as she got close.

“I can’t take either of you anywhere,” Chris said. He swam toward Eddie, splashing his father when he got close.

“You can’t take us anywhere?” Eddie asked.

“Well, I can’t.”

“Evan and I took you to the ice cream shop, and you and Xi got into a food fight. We can’t take you anywhere.”

“She started it by flicking the sprinkle at me!”

Xi stuck her tongue out at Chris.

“It sucks that you have to work Christmas, Evan.”

“That’s okay. We are doing a Christmas Eve thing here, and then we can have a huge party for New Year’s. Take bets on who can stay up for midnight, you or the munchkin.”

“I’ll win.”

Evan just shook his head and looked at Eddie, who laughed as well.

Xi started to wear out first, so Evan got her out of the pool and in a huge towel robe and tucked her into his lap. They were sitting on the lounger with snacks when Chris finally started to wear out, and Eddie got him out of the water. They would go again for a little while after dinner.

Chris sat with a book on his own lounger as he was wrapped in his towel. Eddie sat down on the foot of Evan’s and raised an eyebrow.

“Is she awake?”

“Oh, no, been asleep for about ten minutes. She’ll be out like this for a while now. You and the therapist had another good session?”

“Something like that, yes we did. I never saw it as my mother trying to parent my child. I just assumed that she thought I was a shitty parent but looking at him here and now. I’ve done well now that I’m away from them.”

“She was pushing you to think you were a shitty father. She wanted your kid as a do-over?”

“I have no clue. Dad’s not much better, but I think for him, it’s that he wasn’t there for any of our childhood. He sees Chris as a way to be a good father. He can do what he wants and be that man he wasn’t before. He’s just stationed in El Paso now instead of traveling around the lower half of the states to work on plants and such.”

“Have you talked to your sisters about this?”

“Adriana moved just far enough away in Texas that I think that Mom tries, but she can’t get the control she wants. Adri’s husband is a good man and has a wonderful family. He supports Adriana to be what she wants, which right now is a stay-at-home mother until the kids are in school, and then she plans to get a degree and a job that she loves. Sofia is the wild child and does what she wants.”

“She sounds like fun, honestly.”

“She’s the spoiled child. Most people assume I am the middle child or the firstborn. That’s just the toxic masculinity and the machismo talking there. I’m the son; I’m treated in a way that’s supposed to make me a man. It wasn’t hard to understand why many thought I was the eldest or the always picked on middle child. Sofia is treated like the baby; she’s indulged to a measure. Adriana is treated as the perfect child. I’m the heir who should do what is needed to make sure that they are proven to be good parents, even if the truth of it is that they were shitty parents.”

“A lot of bad parents don’t think they are. They feel like they are the only ones who can produce a child worth anything. Then they are proven to be shitty, and they don’t see it.” Evan rubbed his hand up and down Xi’s back, and he smiled as she curled into him. “I know I’m a good father because she wants me right there with her when she’s upset. She trusts that I’m going to make things better. Chris looked at you like you hung the moon just for him to look at. I promise you everything will be good if you just settle in and do the opposite of what your parents did. Chris will not have any issues with that. I guarantee you.”

“You are younger than me; you have a kid that is younger than mine. Yet, I think you have a hang of this better than I do.”

“Well, I have a father who supports me. He made sure that I had what I needed to be able to take care of a kid. He didn’t think that I didn’t have it. When I brought Xi home after Maria’s lawyer handed her over, my father asked me what I needed and when I said I didn’t know. We went through all things together. He picked what I wanted and not what he thought was best unless I had something on that list that he didn’t think I should. Which was only a single thing, not knowing about the changes in baby care. I went off what it was like when I was a kid.”

“I know. It was a lot different between when I was a kid and seeing other kids and what I learned about raising Chris; not all of that was his disability either. So, we about ready to head in for the movie?”

Evan looked over at Chris, who looked like he was getting tired as well. A movie to nap to and then head out for a little bit of fun at a place they wanted to try. Then Evan worked the next day, then was off, and it was Christmas Eve. It was going to be interesting to see how it went at Eddie’s place since it was where they were hosting it. Evan had pouted a little bit, but he understood why Eddie wanted his family at his house for it. Evan had offered up his place even if he wasn’t going to be awake as long as some of the others.

The transition in the house was simple; Chris didn’t fight it at all. Which said how tired he was from playing in the pool. He settled into the corner of the couch with his legs tucked up to his chest, eyes on the TV screen.

It felt like a family, and Evan wasn’t sure what to do with that.

—

Evan rolled to his side and pulled Xi to him. She was giggling and tried to shove Evan off her, but she was too small.

“Pa, presents,” Xi said.

“Sleep.”

“No, presents.”

“Sleep.”

“PRESENTS!”

“Fine,” Evan said. He got up, carrying Xi with him. The smell of breakfast was strong, and Evan was glad that Xi had gotten up early despite their late night. There were two hours before Evan had to be on shift, and he planned to spend every moment with her until he did go in.

The smell of chorizo cooking had Evan frowning as he headed into the living room. Breakfast was supposed to be a casserole that Evan had shoved in the fridge the night before. It didn’t have chorizo in it.

“Eddie?” Evan asked as he saw Eddie in the kitchen with his father.

“Chris wanted to do breakfast for you since we are going to miss everyone today. Your father said the casserole will also be good tomorrow and plans to do it so you can eat it when you get home.”

“Eddie,” Evan said.

“Nope, it’s fine. We brought over the presents we were saving for all of us to open tomorrow with you and Xi. I thought we could do it today. I know you, your father, and Maddie had more planned for tomorrow than today. Today was just the two of you.” Eddie looked a little worried, but he kept on stirring stuff on the stove.

“It’s fine. I just…it’s Christmas morning.”

“And this is what Chris wanted. I will give him what he wants right now as long as it doesn’t hurt us. So, I’m going to do what I wanted as well.”

“Okay. Tacos?”

“It’s Christmas, and I think that breakfast tacos are a thing that we need to figure out how to make. I have hashbrowns going as well. I figure we can throw whatever we want on there. Your father is making pepper gravy with a little kick.”

“It smells wonderful. I’m going to have to work out all day long to work this food off, so I don’t gain too much weight.”

“You’ll be fine, I think. At least you’ll be busy.”

Evan knew that it was right. It was going to be a hellish day once he was gone.

“I also thought that I might drop you off. We can grab Xi’s car seat from the Jeep, and I’ll also pick you up tomorrow. So you can spend a little more time with her instead of having to drive.”

“If you are sure.”

“I am.”

Chapter Five

February 2018

Evan wasn’t sure what to make of the trio who had just walked into the station. He hadn’t been spotted by Xi or Chris yet, even though their gazes were on a swivel to look for him. He was on top of the engine, helping Parker do a check on a few things before they were called out again. Valentine’s Day meant idiots who did stupid things, and they had already seen their share even though it wasn’t dinner time yet.

“Can I help you?” Tommy asked as he stepped up to them.

“Papa?” Xi asked.

“Ah, I’d know that face anywhere. BUCKLEY!” Tommy’s gaze went right to where Evan was on top of the engine.

“What are you doing up there?” Eddie asked.

“Just helping Parker. You done with me?”

“Yes, go. We all know where we stand when Xitlali is around.”

“Well, I like her on a bad day more than I like you all on a good day.”

Parker laughed, and the sound echoed around the place.

“And who are you?” Tommy asked.

“Kinard,” Evan said.

“Ah, come on, Buck. I’m just pulling your leg. I know exactly who these two are. Eddie and Chris Diaz, correct?”

“Yes,” Chris said. He started toward Evan, though, and didn’t stop until he could hug him. “Dad brought my Valentine’s for you. I gave Xi hers already, and Marisol gave me the chocolate you bought me.”

“I’m glad you liked it. You didn’t have to come around to visit me. I could have got it tomorrow and been happy.” Evan bent down and picked up Xi as soon as he was on solid ground. He rubbed his nose back and forth across hers. It felt good to do that. It was Xi’s newest favorite way of greeting people she liked.

“Pole?” Xi asked.

“Your station has a pole?” Eddie asked.

“No. She wants to go and play on the workout equipment. She calls the bench pole right now. She likes to crawl under it, come out the other side, and then turn around and do it again. She does it when I’m working out. The pole for the weights is why she calls it a pole.” Evan shifted her to where she was just on one arm and bopped her nose. “Not here, princess. I promise that you can do it tomorrow when I work out.”

“Marisol was getting around really well, but she was worn out, so I promised to allow her to cook dinner, and I would take control of Xi for the afternoon. We went to get Chris from school and then ran off a little energy in the park. Now we are stopping here for a visit.”

Evan knew that everyone was listening to them. Tommy was kind with his teases, but the rest of the team had picked up on it, and they all did it now. None of them were mean, which was good. It had felt good to not have it turn to mean or closer to bullying. It was a good thing, honestly. He just hoped that none of them called them a little family. Evan wasn’t sure what had him and Eddie being as close as they were, but it was there, and he had no idea what to do about it. He didn’t want to lose it and was afraid he would if Eddie realized that they looked and acted like a family more than friends.

“Hungry?” Tommy asked.

“We have plans for pizza out, actually. Today’s pizza at school really was bad, and so I promised Chris I would take him to get a better pizza. I negotiated with Xi to get pizza for dinner instead of tacos.”

“You are the one that dug that grave with figuring out breakfast tacos at Christmas.” Evan sat Xi down and let her wander off toward the food area, where a few of the team were still prepping dinner.

“Buck!” Mia called out.

Evan looked back at her to see her holding up a little floret of cauliflower. “Can she have this?”

“Sure. She likes her veggies, at least. Even if she likes them best on tacos.”

“Did you eat tacos a lot when she was small and couldn’t eat them?” Eddie asked.

“No, I did not. I actually didn’t eat them much at all before her turning about twenty months old. That was when she wanted to. We did have them one evening, and I made her a few small ones that she could easily pick up the piece of and shove into her mouth. It was the start of it. She wanted them every day after that. They weren’t even good tacos. I messed up, and they were rather bland, and the good cheese had gone bad, so I used cheddar. As long as it’s meat, cheese, lettuce, and maybe a few other things in there, she wants it shoved in a taco shell. Soft only. We tried the hard ones one time; that’s only for the frozen things.”

“Chris didn’t like hard taco shells for a long time.”

Evan escorted them to the tables, waiting for Chris to pick where he wanted to sit down.

Chris told Evan about his day and how many valentines he got from his classmates and a few others he made friends with during recess when he looked over at where Eddie was with Xi. She was standing on a stool, and he was behind her, holding her to where she wouldn’t fall but allowing her to bounce in place as Mia and Misha talked to her.

“I’ll be right back, Superman,” Evan said. He escaped to the bathroom, and he wasn’t sure what he was going to do when he got there. He grabbed a sink and just stood there breathing. He felt like his whole world was crashing down. He was falling for Eddie. He was one of the first friends he ever had that he felt he could have for the rest of his life.

“I always wondered what you would look like when you were in love. Three months? That’s all it took?” Tommy asked.

Evan looked in the mirror, and he really wanted to be an asshole, but he was still having a few issues breathing steadily.

“You going to be okay?”

“Yeah. It just…he looked so good over there with Xi, and it made me think of how much I love him. Which is stupid, right? Falling for a man who is in the middle of a divorce from his wife for leaving him and their son.”

“I don’t think it’s stupid. You can’t help who you fall in love with. Take the chance.”

“Not yet. Not until his divorce is all settled, and things are clear from that. I don’t want to make it harder for him on that front. Shannon’s not fighting anything, but he’s made a few comments that make it seem like she’s still in love with him and might want him back, but no strings this time, not even their kid. So, it’s not a good time for either of us.”

“I understand that decision, but don’t let it linger. You never know if someone else will step up when you are waiting for the time to be right.”

Evan nodded.

“Let’s get out here, see what’s going on, and maybe talk your little family into staying for dinner. I think we have some dough in the fridge, and we can make Xi a little pizza of her own.”

“Bribing my kid so you can see Eddie and me?”

“Hell, yes. I have to get entertainment somewhere.”

Evan followed Tommy out of there, and Captain Garza was talking to Eddie with a smile on his face.

“I was just congratulating Diaz here on being in the next academy class,” Garza said.

“Eddie?”

“It’s the main reason I came here today, but we got distracted. I was accepted for that class. I know I had been accepted before, but I passed the full prelims today. I start as soon as the next class starts, which is in two weeks?”

“Two and a half,” Garza said.

“That’s great.” Evan came in for a hug. He could feel Tommy’s eyes on him, but he didn’t care. He enjoyed hugging his friend.

“So, celebration tomorrow for lunch. I put in my notice at the job, but since we are in the middle of swapping to a new project, they asked if I wanted out now, and I have enough savings and help that I’ll be fine to go ahead and do that.”

“I’m so happy. I can’t wait until you are a probationary firefighter.”

“I already told him that if he comes out in the top five in his class, I’ll get him a job here,” Garza said.

Evan wondered if Garza would keep that even if he and Eddie were dating.

“So, Buckley, tell us about these breakfast tacos that Xi has been talking up to us,” Misha said. She had her head propped on her hand, looking at Evan like he was keeping the secrets of the world from her.

“That’s all Eddie, actually. He indulges my daughter’s love of tacos. I think I saw something being planned for dessert tacos.”

“Dessert burritos, thank you.”

“Whatever.”

Eddie was pulled into the group, and Xi was in the thick of it, giving her help where she could, even if a few words were very, very wrong. Chris settled in at Evan’s side and leaned into him. After a few minutes, Evan just pulled him in to sit on his lap.

“Okay, Miss Xi, it’s pizza time,” Tommy said as he turned around with the pan he had been working on. It was a small pizza with sauce and cheese already all over it. “Chris, you too. Let’s see what pizza toppings we have.”

“Okay!” Chris wiggled off Evan’s lap and carefully made his way around the other firefighters who were there.

“I guess we are staying,” Eddie said. He dropped down beside Evan now that Xi was engaged with someone else.

“I guess so. Is it that bad?”

“No. It’s not. I just hope the pizza is good, or I’m going to be feeding it to them tomorrow as well.”

“We buy the dough from the place down the street. It freezes well if we have extra, but we normally cook little personal pizzas. So sometimes we have extra.”

“That’s cool that the place lets you buy the dough.”

“Well, sometimes we just buy a little and then get the rest from them in personal pizzas. From what I’m told, we are the reason why they do the personal pizzas. They didn’t before, but too many of us don’t agree on the same toppings, and then there are the dietary issues for a few. I eat whatever, so whatever pizzas we get in large, I just eat that. I’m not picky as long as Stevens isn’t on shift because he always gets his own little pizza because no one wants to eat his weird fish shit.”

“HEY!” Stevens yelled.

Evan just gave him a smile, and Stevens flipped him off.

“If my daughter does that, you will come and watch her all day long under the watchful eye of Abuela.”

“I might teach her worse things.”

“Not with Marisol watching,” Eddie said.

“I ain’t scared of her.”

“Well, that’s your funeral,” Evan said. He wasn’t sure he would ever want to cross any Mexican grandmother. That was asking to have a life of misery.

“So beyond Stevens and his obsession with fish, anyone else like strange things.”

“Yes,” Misha said. She dropped down and looked at Evan.

“What do you eat on your pizza that she’s giving you that look for?”

“Pineapple but not with ham. I don’t like ham on pizza. So I get pepperoni, green peppers, red onions, and pineapple.”

“Pineapple doesn’t belong on pizza at all. Mia likes it with pineapple and ham, so we make them split a pizza. It’s nasty, and no one wants the chance of their pizza being contaminated with pineapple.”

“Not personal pizzas?”

“That’s new, in the last month. Before that, it was just large pizzas split between people. It’s why they started to do the personal ones, enough issues with pizza being messed up.”

“You infected her!” Tommy yelled.

Evan started to laugh and loved Tommy’s look of utter betrayal.

“Tommy, she likes pineapple on tacos with chorizo. She just loves pineapple. It was going to end up on pizza no matter what. She also likes pepperoni and cauliflower on her pizza as well. I am not sure where that one came from. It’s not bad at all, but it’s not something I expected at all for her to like.”

“I think you just like making her pick weird things to give yourself a conversation topic.”

“Well, she needs no help on that. She’s cute enough for all conversations.”

“So, what is for dinner?”

“Stew and beer bread. It smelled fucking great earlier.” Evan scooted a little closer to lean over to talk to Eddie without anyone hearing. “The beer is some weird imported shit that Parker’s wife orders for him. He snagged the last one and brought it just for the bread. The last six-pack, that is. We made a lot of that bread.”

“Sounds great.”

Evan thought it did, especially with Eddie, Chris, and Xi there with him.

—

There was something about coming home to find Eddie on the couch with Xi on his chest that seemed like they were both thinking this was a family more than what Evan thought he was deluding himself into it. Eddie was so tired as he adjusted to the academy.

Marisol had become Chris’ main caretaker at the moment as well, with Marisol mostly up on her feet again. She was using a walker, and while it wasn’t the best, Eddie’s grandmother came over and hung out most days as well after Chris was out of school, so, between the two ladies, the two kids were well in hand.

Then there was Phillip, and Evan wasn’t sure what that meant, really. His father was there a lot and only went into the bar in the early days to get the restaurant part set up. Then, he would come over to the house and help with anything Marisol needed before heading back after dinner.

It was that way even when Evan was home. Over the last month and a half since Christmas, it was like Evan’s house had become the hub for everyone to hang out.

“You look like you want to go back to sleep,” Marisol said.

“Oh, I do. It’s Saturday, though.”

“Yes, Chris is still asleep, and Eddie’s been there on the couch for two hours. Xi came out and saw him sleeping and decided she wanted to sleep more as well. I have oatmeal for breakfast that I can warm up for each person as they wake up and want to eat it. Why don’t you eat some and then sack out on the other couch?”

Evan felt like his feelings were transparent to everyone in his life. He and Eddie napped on the couches, never returning to the bedrooms unless they were sick.

“I’ll get changed into pajamas, and then we can decide what to do for the day.”

“I’m going to head home for a little while, but I’ll be back for dinner. I figure that you both can figure out lunch. Chris was talking about wanting to go to the zoo for lunch.”

“He loves that new restaurant thing that popped up in the zoo. I’ll see what Eddie thinks. Xi is going to be all for it. That new backpack I can strap her in makes it really easy for her because she can see everything. I’ll dig that out as well.”

“I already did when I put up your laundry that I folded. I started another load from the hampers around the house, and then there is a load of towels ready to be swapped from the washer to the dryer as soon as the clothes in the dryer are done.”

“You are a lifesaver,” Evan said. He pressed a kiss on Marisol’s head. She also brought her own washing here to do it since she had a lot less than Evan and Xi did.

Evan understood that Marisol had already refused to move in, liking her independence. She wouldn’t be watching Xi forever, and wanting her own place was good. Soon Xi would be going to preschool, which meant Marisol could do what she wanted.

“You are going to get me used to you doing everything.”

“You handle it just fine when I’m not here on your days off. You’ll be fine. I’m so bored when she’s off playing with her legos or listening to her audiobooks that I don’t think doing a little house stuff is wrong. It’s helping me not stiffen up as well. Which I have talked to the doctor about. It’s just normal old age from recovering from the surgery. I’m fine, I promise.”

“Okay, but you need something, even if it’s another person to watch her, just tell me.’

“Where is the cuter Buckley sibling?” Maddie called as she came in the door.

“In the living room, about to take a nap.” Evan rolled his eyes, and he nodded for Marisol to head out. She pinched his cheek and headed to the kitchen to get his food started. She might leave after that, but Evan wasn’t too sure.

“Oh, they are so cute. Eddie was meant to have a daughter and look.”

“Mads,” Evan hissed.

“They are out like a light. You got off work early.”

“Our other shift came in early since we were on a fire all night. We were at the point of needing to be swapped out anyway, so it was better to call our next shift in early and have stragglers than to call in another house just for a short time. It wasn’t like we were going to be on anyway. What did you need?”

“Marisol texted about the zoo. So I thought that maybe I could go for part of it. I don’t want to go home and just be cooped up.”

“Already regretting dating the guy in your apartment building?”

“Yes. He’s now being creepy. The super is working on getting him kicked out, but he stood outside my door for an hour last night. I will go to the cops if the super can’t do anything through the bylaws of what we agreed to when we moved in. A restraining order will work well, I think if needed.”

Evan was a little worried, but Maddie had a good security system in her apartment because of her hours, getting home late at night, or leaving in the dead of the night. She was petite and too short not to worry about working a job like being a nurse in the ER. She handled drunks like a boss, though. He never worried about her while she was at work. The security for the ER was more than willing to have someone strapped to a bed if they were a danger to anyone in the ER.

“I’m going to go get changed and then nap like a boss. Chris is still asleep, and Marisol will head home in a few.”

“I’ll go and lounge in your bed and watch TV or something.”

“There is no TV in the bedroom.”

“What? How have I never noticed this? What do you do when you are sick?”

“Laptop. I’m trying to figure out what kind of TV I want in there. I think Saturday morning cartoons with Xi in bed would be nice when I am home on the weekends. I put the one TV I had in my bedroom in Xi’s room. It’s a perfect size, and I can easily put on her music from my phone with the apps I have on there.”

“I can’t even fathom not having a TV in my bedroom, but then I pretty much live in bed some of my days off. You don’t do that. You at least get up and come into the living room, then you have a kid.”

“I do have a kid. Marisol might make you some oatmeal if you sweet-talk her.”

“She already texted me and invited me to breakfast before you got home. I was just getting off shift. I changed at work. You look like you showered there as well.”

“I did. I smelled of smoke, and that was about it. So I wanted to get it off as soon as possible.”

“I could smell the smoke from work. It seemed like a pretty big fire.”

“It was.” Evan stepped up and pulled Maddi into a hug before he checked the time. It wasn’t even seven yet. He groaned. He wanted to just sleep. Marisol wasn’t going to let him sleep until he had eaten at least a small bowl of oatmeal.

The kitchen smelled of cinnamon by the time Evan dropped down onto the stool at the island. He ate a lot of meals there, but he didn’t mind. Xi liked to eat there as well, so it had become the hub where he ate as well. She hated to eat in the living room. Xi liked to be in her highchair and never leave it until her food was gone. Evan had been told a lot by Maddie that as a toddler, it had been hard to get him to sit down to eat. He would take an hour because he would flit around, and chaining him to the table didn’t work.

Marisol had only set out a small bowl of oatmeal with nuts and cinnamon in it, and he smiled at her before digging in. He was fading fast, and he knew it.

“We are getting coffee before the zoo,” Maddie said.

“God, yes. I’m sorry I’m so tired.”

“Don’t be. You don’t need to worry about that. You look exhausted. Go.”

Evan nodded, and he got up. He ate the last bite before Marisol grabbed his bowl. He wasn’t even going to fight her on cleaning it out himself. She would just get most of the oatmeal out and then put it in the dishwasher. That thing had been the best upgrade he had ever bought for the kitchen.

“Sleep,” Marisol said.

Evan gave her a salute before he headed to the living room. Xi had slipped down to the couch between Eddie and the back of the couch. It was normal for her to do it with him and Evan kind of loved it that she was doing it with Eddie.

He was so damned tired that he dropped down and wasn’t sure what he did before he was out.

Evan woke up warm and rolled a little, feeling the couch give, and the blanket started to fall off him. He grabbed the blanket to stop it. There were sounds of soft talking, and he saw Chris and Eddie on the couch. Xi wasn’t with them, but her soft singing from behind the couch told him where she was.

“Morning,” Eddie said.

“How long did I sleep?”

“Just three hours. It’s nearly ten. Did you want to shower?”

“No, just give me time to get coffee.”

“I thought we would stop on the way to the zoo to get some from that shop you like. Maddie’s packing Chris’ bag with some of Xi’s stuff. It’ll be ready in a few, she said. I just hope that she doesn’t pack too much.”

“She usually doesn’t. She knows what Xi will use and what she won’t. The last time she actually packed too little, but it was enough to get us through the day. Don’t worry.”

“Well, I tried to talk her into letting me carry her and you her backpack, but she wasn’t having that.”

“No, she likes the carrier I have for her. She liked it at the zoo the last time, we were just there for a short visit to see how she liked it, but she did well. Today should be a good test. Thankfully, she will also just pass out if she gets too tired and then sleeps on my back.”

Eddie nodded.

Evan sat up and stretched before he found that he felt pretty good despite the little sleep.

“How do you feel?” Eddie asked.

“Pretty good, actually. I feel like I’m pretty good. I think that I’ll be good all day, maybe sleep a little early.”

“You still okay with heading out to the zoo? Chris can live with just going with me.”

“No, I want to. I’ll be fine. If I get tired, I’ll just settle down during some of the stops. It’s easy to get Xi in and out of the carrier.” Evan got up and stretched again before heading back to get dressed.

“Are you sure?” Eddie asked.

“Yes, Eds. I’m sure. I promise I’m not doing this out of some kind of push to just make Chris happy. I’m used to this, you know. I don’t have Marisol watch Xi on days I’m off, so I am used to running around with her all day long. At least today, I’ll have you with me to help, just in case.”

“I thought Maddie was coming?”

“She is, but she’s the fun aunt and cares a little less about watching her when I’m around. If it was just her and me going, she might. But you’ve slipped into a role closer to me than her. I think because you have a kid.”

“Does Maddie not want children?”

“Oh, she does; she’s also okay with just adopting if she gets too old to have them naturally. It’s all pretty much that she wants is to have a good husband before she has a kid. She’s not upset with me getting a kid first. I think she likes it because it takes the pressure off her as Dad’s happy with Xi.”

“I say again, your family dynamics are really weird. Sofia was livid when I had a kid before her. In her eyes, Adriana had her kid, and then she was going to have one, and then finally me. It’s not like I actually wanted to have a kid at that point in time, but I’ll be damned if I regret having Chris.”

“I can’t see how one would regret it. He’s a great kid. So, he’s all being great as we talk here. But let’s get moving.”

The trip to the zoo was uneventful; they stopped for coffee and got the kids drinks that had a little bit of tea but were fruity and sugary. It was better than pop in Evan’s eyes because they had a lot less sugar than pop. Xi had thankfully not gotten any pop yet that he knew of. Evan didn’t keep much in the house, and usually only when someone was going to be there that liked it. He had tea, usually unsweet, on hand, and she liked it enough but only liked to get a few sips here and there.

“So what are we seeing first?” Eddie asked when they finally got through the main gates, and Xi had her stuffed animal of choice to hug and bop Evan on the head with.

“Well, Xi wants to see the otters. So, that’s where we are going to go first. She’ll wear out a little and want to ride after that.”

“Good choice.”

Evan looked at Maddie, who was hanging back, her sunglasses on her face, and she looked like she was happy where she was, which was good, but he didn’t want her to think they were ignoring her. She waved him on and gave him a grin. He was going to end up killing her one day. The only reason she wanted to come along was that she wanted to spy on them while they acted like a family. Evan knew they did, and he didn’t try and change it. Eddie didn’t notice, or if he did, he didn’t mind.

“How are your parents taking your getting on at the Academy?” Evan asked once they were on the path toward the otters. The zoo was taken in the way they wanted; Evan wasn’t even going to try and tell Xi or Chris that they weren’t seeing what they wanted.

“Not well at all. They knew I was coming up to do it, but I needed more work on my body. Since I got out of the Army, I have let a few things slack over time. So while I worked on that, I did construction. They thought I would stay with that, having given up on the LAFD. So when I called to say I was starting, they wanted me to send Chris back to them to watch him while I worked. That when I had my four days off, I could drive or fly down to see him since it would be better. I don’t think that they liked that I had Abuela watching him, and then she and Marisol have been watching over both of them. My mother doesn’t see my father’s family as her family, though. She’s never said it much, but she only sees her family as people who matter. It’s nothing to do with racism, just that when Dad married her, he married into her family. He could be white, and she would think the same thing.”

“Well, there are a lot of people like that in the world.” Evan looked down at Xi, and she was looking around like she did when she was taking everything in. There were times she could be quiet, even if that was rare.

“Otter?” Xi asked.

“Yes, we are going to see the otters. Then we will pick something Chris wants to see.”

Xi nodded, and she started to pull on Evan’s arm when the picture of the otters came into view. If the place was less packed, he might let her go and run up to where the otters were, but there were way too many people there. It was the bad thing about going during the weekend.

“Once I’m on at a station, we can take her during the weekday,” Eddie said.

“That’s when I took her less. Which is why I think that she doesn’t want to let go of my hand. She’s not even tried once.”

“She’s pretty good for her age. I thought you would want a leash on her, but she’s not really tried to get anywhere away from you. As soon as you got her out of the Jeep, she grabbed the loop on your pants.”

“She did. It’s her handhold. She knows to grab it all the time when we are in parking lots and the like. She started to do it when she was about six months old. Then it was to hold it to stand up.”

“Chris did something like that once he was able to start to stand on his own like that. It was a lot different, but it’s good to know that some things are not that different. So how long do you think we will spend here today?”

“Probably until close. Xi will eat pretty much anything, and I’m sure there are tacos somewhere here.”

Eddie laughed, and he leaned into Evan for a few seconds while he did so. It filled Evan with such a feeling. He was happy about it and just hoped this didn’t flop. Everything turned out well in the end. He didn’t want to lose Eddie.

The End

 

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