Reading Time: 96 Minutes

Title: Little Wonders
Author: EAlexBeau
Fandom: 9-1-1
Genre: Angst, Drama, Family, Hurt/Comfort, Kid!fic, Pre-Relationship, Romance
Relationship(s): Pre-Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Content Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Canon Violence, Child Endangerment, PPD, Discussion- Suicide, Discussion- Racism, Discussion- Domestic Violence, Internalized Homophobia, Character Bashing
Author Note: This has been a labor of love and my first foray into writing in roughly a decade. I’d like to thank MykkiTno for helping me narrow down all my wild plot bunnies into something I could work with.
Character cameos from Code Black and SWAT. This was written before Season/Series 7 of 9-1-1.
Beta: Tiny Reader, Irrelevant86
Alpha: Tiny Reader, MykkiTno
Word Count: 74294
Summary: Evan Buckley’s calling is firefighting, but his dream is to be a dad. He’s tried to do things the expected way, first finding a partner, then building a family. But Covid lockdown has given him plenty of time to think, and he’s decided he doesn’t need a partner. He’s ready to start his family now.
Artist: DrakeScrawls

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Chapter One

Buck waited until everyone who was hunkering down in his apartment had arrived before he started to lay down his boundaries about staying with him. After seeing Abby again, Buck had decided to give therapy another try. Dr. Copeland had been amazing and assured him that he wasn’t a bad host by putting down reasonable boundaries, even in an unusual situation.

Eddie had been the first to arrive and immediately went over to the kitchen sink to scrub his hands, leaving his duffle out of the way by the stairs, before grabbing a much needed beer from the fridge and collapsing at the dining room table.

He and Buck talked for a little while about how Chris was handling everything when Hen and Chimney arrived. Both took their masks off and immediately made for the stairs to Buck’s bedroom, only stopping when Eddie pointedly cleared his throat and gestured to the sink.

Hen looked a little sheepish before dropping her bag on Eddie’s and going to wash her hands. Chimney huffed and turned to go back up the stairs before Eddie cleared his throat again. Chim finally dropped his own bag in front of the stairs and went to the sink to wash his hands. Buck chose this moment to start his little speech. He took a deep breath to steady himself and started to speak.

“Ok, I want to start off by acknowledging that A) you all would so much rather be with your families, and B) we don’t know how long it will be before you can go home. This is a small space and all of that is a breeding ground for stress and conflict. I have a few boundaries and rules so we can minimize all of that as much as we possibly can.

“First is sleeping space. My couch is a pull-out, and I have a twin-size air mattress from when I was traveling. Hen, Chim, you guys decide between yourselves how you want to split that. Eddie is with me upstairs,” Buck had barely gotten through that part of his speech before there were complaints.

Three guesses who started it.

“Why do you two get the bed? You should be offering the bed up to your guests and taking the couch yourself!” Chimney bit out. Hen looked torn, like she couldn’t decide whether or not to back her best friend up. Eddie sat back with his drink and got ready to watch the show.

Buck took two more deep breaths and reminded himself he was allowed boundaries, especially in his own home, and that the boundaries he had prepared weren’t unreasonable. “This is still my home. Please respect that. Eddie and I are the biggest and my bed was custom ordered to account for my size. Neither of us will get restful sleep on the couch and I was smaller when I first bought the air mattress. And honestly, I’m really only comfortable sharing with Eddie. You and Hen can either share the pull-out or one of you can use the air mattress.

“The next thing is the bathroom space and laundry. I only have one bathroom. Please keep your showers as short as possible unless previously discussed. I bought a few whiteboards to hang up. One of them is for the outside of the bathroom so everyone can write out when they plan to use it to shower and get ready for work.

“Please also schedule when you plan to do your laundry. That whiteboard is on the fridge and labeled as such. I have my own washer and dryer in the utility closet behind the stairs. If there’s an emergency, the building has communal machines in the basement, but you have to pay for those.” Buck held up his hand when he saw all three of his temporary roommates about to protest.

“Let me finish. When I’m done I’ll tell you and then if you have a reasonable complaint, we can discuss it.”

Eddie was the first to agree. He’d never seen his best friend so firmly stand up for himself, not even during the lawsuit. He wondered where the confidence was coming from. Chim looked like he was going to say something anyway until Hen kicked him from under the table.

“Thank you. The bathroom leads me into privacy. You may have noticed that outside my door is a notice that I use video and audio surveillance in my home. I installed it last Christmas after some break ins in the building. I will never use this to spy on anyone. Any video not specifically backed up is deleted after seventy-two hours. The only areas not covered are the balcony, my bed, and the bathroom. The balcony doors are covered. If you need something pulled, tell me privately. But please don’t try to use the system to fight with each other. It is there for emergencies.

“If you need to make a private phone call, please take it to the balcony. You can pull the blinds and close the door so everyone knows not to bother you. If you take a video call in the common areas, please be respectful of the fact that others will be doing something in the same area, so don’t get mad at each other for making noise or distracting each other.

“And finally, what no one wants to talk about, but we do need to talk about money. I will not charge you rent. I know that even though you aren’t living in your homes, you still have bills to pay for them. But I can’t support all of us on my own. We need enough food to feed all of us and with more people here, and only here when we aren’t on shift, all of my utilities will be going up. If I could cover everything I would, but I can’t. So I need everyone to pitch in on those.

“Now, if you have something to add, you may do so, calmly.”

It didn’t take Chimney long to respond. Buck tried not to take Chim’s reaction too personally. He was under a lot of stress and it wasn’t a personal attack against him.

“Like hell I’m going to pay you! In case you forgot, Maddie and I are having a baby. We need every cent we can save. And if you hadn’t already blown through the trust fund your grandparents had left you, you would be able to pay for all of us! Instead, you blew it partying until you needed to grow up and get a real job like the rest of us!” he snapped. Hen looked at him in shock and Eddie put down his bottle to glare at Chimney with his full attention.

Buck just knew his entire session with Dr. Copeland tonight was going to be about this conversation. He put one hand over his diaphragm and the other on the table while he took a few very deep breaths. When he felt a little bit calmer, he responded.

“I’m going to start by saying that I know that came from a place of stress and that you aren’t always the best at controlling your anger or stress responses. I know it wasn’t personal against me.

“I know I don’t talk much about my time traveling. But, I wasn’t partying. I wasn’t even sleeping around, I did that once I was settled in LA because I was somewhat touch-starved and having trouble adjusting to the stress of the job. I spent the time I was traveling mainly working. I either slept on someone’s couch or found a campground and essentially lived out of my Jeep so I could save money. I was looking for a job I could love and do forever. I’ve been a bartender, a lifeguard, a surf instructor, a construction worker, a ranch hand, and a cowboy. I even made it through almost all of BUDs on a civilian challenge contract and only rang out at the last minute because I couldn’t master turning my emotions on and off to do the job. Turning them off was easy, but I had trouble turning them back on and was afraid one day I wouldn’t be able to. I chose firefighting after seeing Backdraft in Peru and hearing some guys planning on coming back north. Turns out it’s the job I was meant to do.

“As for the trust fund, I’m guessing Maddie told you about that. I received access to it when I turned 25 just like my sister got hers when she turned twenty-five. I added a lot of it to my savings because I am saving up for a house and something personal to me. The rest I ended up using to cover my expenses after the embolism. I was cleared to return to my normal job so my disability stopped and being a fire marshal was a severe pay cut. If I wasn’t so frugal before I came to LA and didn’t have that trust fund, I would have been evicted.

“Finally, I don’t have to use it for you guys. I know how selfish I sound right now, but that money is for my future. I love you guys and if I absolutely need to use it while you guys are here, I will. But I shouldn’t have to bear all of the financial weight of you guys living here, nor should I need to compromise my future.”

Eddie was truly in awe of his best friend standing up for himself.

At first, he wasn’t happy with needing to schedule his bathroom use. But the more Buck talked, the more he started to see his partner’s point of view. Now it was time to have his back like he promised.

“You’re right Buck. You’re being kind enough to let us all invade your personal space for an unknown period of time and you have the smallest home of us all. You absolutely shouldn’t have to take on the financial burden of it all on your own. Asking for help with food and utilities is extremely reasonable. And what you do with your savings is no one’s business but yours. Chimney had no right to bring it up,” he said the last part while looking the man directly in the eyes.

“Eddie is right,” Hen chimed in. “This is going to be stressful enough on all of us, we shouldn’t ask you to take on more than your share. As for the shower situation, worst comes to worst, we can take turns showering at the station. Now, Chimney is going to apologize and then me and him will discuss how we will bunk down here.” The whole time she spoke, Chimney’s face got redder and he tried to pull away from the table. When Eddie peaked under it, he could see Hen grinding her foot down on Chimney’s.

Chimney glared at Hen and she glared right back before he finally bit out an apology. “I’m sorry for bringing up your trust fund Buck. Everything you’ve said sounds perfectly reasonable.” He didn’t sound very sincere to Buck, but he decided to accept that at least he got an apology.

“Thank you Chimney. I’m going to help Eddie settle in upstairs. I have pork chops and gravy in the crockpot. I’m going to make rice and steamed vegetables to go with it. Dinner will be ready at about five-thirty and I have a call I need to make on the balcony around six. We can talk about meals and kitchen usage later because right now I think we all need to calm down.” With that he stood up from the table with Eddie hurrying after him, leaving Hen to quietly berate Chimney for his attitude. Hopefully, Buck was right about it just being the man’s response to stress. But even if it was, they were in for a long quarantine unless the older man learned how to control it.

The second the two men were upstairs in the bedroom area of Buck’s loft, Eddie saw the younger man essentially break right in front of him.

Where downstairs Buck was calm, collected, and confident, now he was almost the exact opposite.

Eddie watched Buck start clutching at his forearms, digging his blunt finger nails into his skin. His breathing was rapid and his eyes were skittering all over the room. It didn’t take the man long to drop his bag out of the way and grab his partner’s wrists to pull his hands away, leading Buck to sit on his bed. He could still hear Hen and Chimney from where they were, so as he squatted in front of the blond. Eddie made sure to keep his voice down so they wouldn’t hear him.

“Buck, it’s ok, you’re safe, breathe,” he soothed. He had no clue what was causing his best friend to essentially have a panic attack. “It’s ok. Just follow my lead. Take a deep breath in for four, hold it for five, out for six. Good, now do it again,” he coached as he did the same breathing pattern.

It took almost ten minutes before Buck was calm enough to stop the light shaking in his hands. When he looked into Eddie’s eyes, he could see the questions he had. He wasn’t ready to answer all of them, but he felt like he was obligated to answer some of them after the older man helped calm him down. But first, he needed to apologize.

“I’m sorry, Eddie. I’m so fucking sorry. I thought I could handle that and clearly I was wrong. And I’m so so sorry for ambushing you like that. I’m trying to not be selfish after the lawsuit, but I had to do it. I don’t think I could handle it if I didn’t try to set my boundaries. I should have warned you before so you guys could make other arrangements, but we didn’t have time and I didn’t think I could say it more than once, and now I feel like I’ve trapped you guys and-“

Eddie squeezed Buck’s hands as his best friend rambled faster and faster and started to get worked up again. Eddie decided that he needed to distract Buck in order to get him to calm down and stay that way.

“Buck, it’s fine, we don’t have to talk about it. Why don’t you show me where I can put my stuff and we can figure out how we’re going to share the bed.” Eddie kept eye contact and gentle pressure on Buck’s hands.

It took another few minutes to calm down, but when Buck did he was determined to stay the way. He pulled his hands out of Eddie’s grip and dragged them down his face, taking yet another set of deep breaths. It was starting to seem like half of his day was about taking controlled breaths. When Buck was done, he somewhat abruptly stood up and walked over to his dresser.

“You already had some stuff in the bottom drawer, so I just cleared out the rest of that drawer and the one above it so you can put some stuff there. I also cleaned out some space in the closet,” he explained as he opened the drawers before moving over to the closet and opening the door. He turned to look at his friend, but didn’t look Eddie in the eye. “I put a few cheap shelves and some hangers downstairs for Chim and Hen. I figured they could hang things under the stairs.”

“Thanks, Buck. I really appreciate it. We might only be here for a couple of weeks, and you did a lot for us in such a short time,” Eddie said with a smile as he grabbed his bag from by the railing. He tossed it on the bed before opening it up and pulling things out.

Buck sighed as he pushed off the wall to go help Eddie unpack. “I think we both know that’s not how long this will last. We’ve both seen the call logs for the calls we aren’t needed for. And I know you like to hang your uniform up. Figured it would be more comfortable if you unpacked.”

“And you’re sure that you’re comfortable sharing a bed with me?” Eddie questioned as the two made quick work of putting everything away.

“Honestly, it takes a lot of trust for me to share a bed with someone. And as much as I trust those two on the job, I don’t have the trust to sleep next to them. I trust you,” he quietly admitted.

Eddie didn’t know what to do with that, so he just ignored it. Instead, he asked if Buck had a preference for what side of the bed he slept on.

“I know you like to sleep on the side closest to the door, but since the stairs are right across from the bed, I wasn’t sure what you wanted,” Buck answered without actually answering Eddie’s question.

“I’ll take the right so I’m closest to the railing. If that’s ok.”

“That’s fine,” Buck assured the man. “I like the left side so that works out.”

“Good. Do you want to relax for a bit?” Eddie asked as he shoved his bag under the bed on his side and dropped onto it.

“I need to finish dinner so I can make my call on time, but you can chill up here. I put a TV in here a while back, if you want to watch anything. But it’s kinda small.”

“Thanks, Buck. I know you aren’t a fan of having one in your room,” Eddie said as he looked around for the remote before Buck tossed it from his bedside table.

“I don’t think we would survive if all four of us had to share one TV,” he joked as he grabbed his AirPods off their charger and went to finish dinner. Hopefully, Chimney and Hen would leave him alone.

Chapter Two

Dinner was just as awkward as Buck expected it to be.

Hen thanked him for the storage for clothes and Eddie asked how Denny was handling all of the sudden changes, but no one could deny the lingering tension between Chimney and Buck. For his part, the blond made a few comments, but mostly focused on his food so he could grab his tablet and head to the balcony.

At ten of six, Buck reminded his roommates that the balcony was in use and to leave him be before dashing up the stairs and back down. It looked like he had his tablet in his hands, but they couldn’t really tell before he was pulling the blinds and closing the door behind him.

As he set up his tablet, he noticed that his balcony wasn’t the most comfortable. He typically didn’t spend much time on it, preferring indoor activities if he was home. Everyone was likely to be with him for a while and he had a feeling that he would be spending a lot more of his time at home than he usually does even after lockdown ended.

It probably wouldn’t hurt to get some new patio furniture. If Buck’s house plan worked out, then he could just take it with him. He kept looking around to try and figure out exactly what he wanted. He wasn’t pulled from his thoughts until he heard the ding that meant his Zoom call with Dr. Copeland was starting.

“Good evening, Buck,” she greeted once the call was completely connected.

“Good evening, Dr. Copeland.”

“Today was move-in day, correct? Your friends were moving into quarantine at your apartment?” she clarified.

“Yeah. They all have families and our job makes us high-risk to come into contact with Covid,” he explained as he arranged his little table with his tablet to get a better view. “It went mostly okay. I didn’t get to tell them about the kitchen. Going over everything else was a lot. I think we all needed to calm down before adding that to the conversation.”

“Do you feel comfortable talking about how you feel the conversation went?” she asked him. Buck could see her looking just enough off camera for him to figure out she was taking or checking her notes. He was glad he took his notes on his phone since he had nowhere to put a pad of paper. Taking his own notes about what he wanted to talk about had been Dr. Copeland’s suggestion when he admitted that her own note taking made him nervous.

“It went slightly better than I expected. At first, everyone was upset, but then Chimney got even more upset with me that I wasn’t giving up my bed and that I was only willing to share it with Eddie. I made everyone agree to be quiet until I was done. I could tell by their faces that they weren’t happy, but Eddie and Hen seemed to get where I was coming from by the end. The only one who really gave me an issue was Chim,” Buck told her. For the moment, he was turning his phone over and over again in his hands nervously.

“You’ve told me before that you don’t think Chimney has the best reactions under stress. Unfortunately, this pandemic is a global source of stress that isn’t going away anytime soon,” Dr. Copeland reminded him.

“I’m trying to remind myself of that. But at the same time, I think Chim has always had a problem with me, but he got a bit better when he met Maddie, so we never talked about it.” At this point he stopped playing with his phone and started staring into the distance a bit. A rather horrible thought had just hit him.

“Buck, you went somewhere else for a minute. Is everything okay?”

“I had a thought, a really horrible thought,” Buck told her. He took a minute to gather his thoughts and his therapist did not push him. “I don’t think dating Maddie calmed Chimney down on the whole bullying me front because he finally had someone who wanted him for him, but because bullying her little brother would look horrible. I think he still doesn’t like me, but holds it back. What’s worse is that Maddie tells him things about me without clearing it with me. I think she tries to make whatever it is she’s saying about her, but now he knows things about me I didn’t want anyone to know. Now or maybe even ever. And Chimney just brings it up whenever it will hurt me the most or take the attention off of him.”

“Hmm, I can’t say for certain why either of them do those things. And while you may feel like they do those things for those reasons, you may never know.”

“My feelings are valid, but they are not fact.”

“Correct. Now, do you feel that Chimney brought up information about you to distract from his own behavior today?” she asked as she looked off screen for a few seconds again. Buck took the time to note down in his phone that he wanted to bring up the whole Chim not liking him thing again later.

“When I asked them all to pitch in for food and utilities, Chim was pissed and brought up my trust fund. Except Maddie is the only one who knew about it in LA. I was saving it for something personal, so it really upset me that he tried to use it as a reason not to help me out financially.”

“Do you feel comfortable expanding on that?” she asked him.

“Chimney told everyone about my trust fund and claimed that just because I blew through it, didn’t mean he should pay me. He specifically said that if I still had the money from the trust, that I could support everyone. He also brought up the fact that he and Maddie are having a baby. He said that they needed every cent they could save,” Buck told her. The more he recalled the earlier discussion, the more he could feel himself becoming upset again. He’d used his breathing exercises a lot that day, so he decided to try something else and began tensing and relaxing his hands so he had something else to focus on.

“Do you need a moment?” Dr. Copeland asked him.

“No, I’m good, thank you.”

“Ok, do you want to talk about how you responded to Chimney?”

“I explained that I wasn’t spending my time traveling and partying. I was traveling and working. I was trying to find that one job I was meant to do. I saved almost every penny of my trust fund for my future.”

“It’s your money, what you do with it is up to you. I know the pandemic threw everything into chaos and that as First Responders you’re on the front lines, but that doesn’t mean you don’t get to have boundaries. You’ve already taken on an immense burden by agreeing to house your colleagues. If you followed through on the plans you talked about in our last session, you also took on the financial burden of making your home comfortable enough for all of you. Enforcing a boundary of how much you will contribute to the living situation in your own home is perfectly okay.”

“I know. It’s just going to take a while for me to not feel guilty about enforcing my boundaries. I hoped that we would have more time to work on that. But the pandemic forced the situation and threw me into the deep end.”

“Unfortunately, I think a lot of people have either found themselves in the same boat or they soon will,” she told him.

“Yeah. Can we come back to this later? The enforcing boundaries thing?” Buck asked.

“Absolutely. As you know, you set the goals here, and boundaries is a long-term goal that can take a lot of work. Do you feel comfortable discussing Eddie and Hen’s responses or would you like to move on completely for today?” she asked him.

Buck took a minute to mull it over. It was a big step for him to think about such a simple choice instead of jumping in and dealing with the consequences later.

“I’m comfortable with discussing it a little more, but I also don’t want to put off the discussion we were originally supposed to have in our last session.”

“We have a little over half of the session left. We should be able to start that discussion at the very least,” she assured him.

It had taken him a while to be ready to talk about something so personal in their last session, so having to change their plans at the last minute had been surprisingly upsetting. He knew planning for the sudden change in his living situation had to take priority, but he had wanted to tell Dr. Copeland the thoughts that had been plaguing him and driving him since high school. Thoughts he had never told anyone.

“That sounds like a plan, Doc.”

“Ok. So how did Hen and Eddie react?”

“They stood up for me and defended me. Eddie said basically the exact same thing you did. About being allowed reasonable boundaries and what I do with my savings being private. Hen reminded everyone that we needed a little patience in such a stressful time. Then I went upstairs and Eddie had to calm me down from a panic attack.”

“Do you know what triggered the panic attack?” she asked.

“My guilt, I think. About not only having boundaries, but blindsiding everyone with them. Eddie pulled me out of it and then distracted me by asking about where he could put his stuff and what side of the bed he would sleep on.” Buck paused for a second and tensed his hands again. “I told him that sharing my bed with someone takes a lot of trust,” he admitted. He took a deep breath and ran his hands down his face.

“Ongoing process, Buck. It’s an ongoing process. Ready to table it for now and move on?”

“Yes, please.”

“Ok, the session before last you mentioned something that happened in high school that you were thinking about recently.”

“I mean, it’s always been on my mind, but since the holidays it’s been more… forward, I guess you could say. More at the forefront of my mind. I never told anyone about what happened in high school, so I haven’t really been able to talk much about my recent thoughts.”

Buck took a minute to gather his thoughts. “There’s this… thing, in the media where teachers ask their students where they think they’ll be in ten years, or where they want to be. My English teacher asked us that question. A bunch of the girls said they wanted to have a wealthy husband or be a mother. One or two said they wanted a career of some sort. None of the guys said anything like that. Instead, they said they wanted to play professional sports, or ‘date’ a supermodel. They wanted to be rich. I said I wanted to be as far away from Hershey as possible. But that wasn’t what I wanted to say.”

“What did you want to say, Buck?” she questioned gently.

“I- I wanted to say that I wanted to be a dad. It’s- it’s my dream. To have kids, to have a family of my own. I started thinking about it a lot recently.”

“What caused those thoughts to come to the forefront as you put it.”

“A couple of things. First because it’s been ten years since my teacher asked us where we wanted to be right now. Second is really the main thing that brought it forward. We worked on Christmas so I arranged for everyone’s families to come to the station for dinner. Chris was really upset. It was the first Christmas since his mom died and it broke my heart when he asked if he could spend the day with me since Eddie was working. Telling him I was working too was the worst.

“Athena and Abuela helped me put it all together. Everyone was so happy. And I realized that everyone had their own separate family units. Everyone except me. And I wanted that. I don’t even need a romantic partner. What I really want is a baby. But I haven’t been sure of how to have one without a partner. Adopting and fostering is hard enough without being a single man trying to do that.”

“It is a difficult process,” she acknowledged. “Is it one you’ve been thinking about pursuing?”

Buck took some more time to think. He flipped his phone around, took a deep breath and admitted something he’d never told anyone and wasn’t sure he ever would. “The personal thing I saved my trust fund for? I saved it for a surrogate. I can’t tell you why, but that money has always been put aside with that purpose. I call it my Baby Fund.”

“Your Baby Fund? Sounds like a wonderful use for that money,” she told him with a smile.

“Yeah. I used my savings from traveling for it too. Sorta.”

“Do you want to explain that?”

“I had a vasectomy when I was twenty-three. I knew I wanted kids, but I didn’t want to risk fathering one with a one-night stand and never knowing it. I did some research about vasectomies and reversing them. It wasn’t guaranteed that a reversal would work, so I used my savings to pay a fertility clinic to store my sperm and got snipped.”

“You’ve put a lot of thought into becoming a parent. A lot of thought and commitment,” Dr. Copeland told him. Buck watched her look at her notes and then up above the screen. He assumed she was looking at the clock. “Are you ready to follow through with your plans?”

“I was looking into the surrogacy process before Red and running into Abby. Now I’m not sure if it’s even possible in the pandemic.”

“Well, if parenthood is something you are seriously considering, then for your homework this week I want you to think about what steps you need to take. Maybe review your earlier research. In our regular session next week we can talk about it some more.”

“Sounds like a plan, Dr. Copeland. I’m guessing our time is up?

“It is indeed. As always, if you have an emergency, call me. Otherwise, remember your exercises and maybe try to open up to someone about your desire to be a parent. You don’t have to give any details. Just that it’s a desire for you to have a child.”

“I’ll think about it, Dr. Copeland. Have a good night, Doc.”

“You too, Buck,” she told him before she signed off.

Buck sat out on his balcony for a little longer before deciding to get up so that the others could use it. Maybe now would be a good time to look up some new patio furniture on Home Depot or Amazon. See who had the better sales. With that thought in mind, he grabbed his tablet and went back inside, opening the shades as he entered.

Hen just smiled at him as she talked through her own AirPods. It sounded like she was just letting Karen know that she had settled in ok. He gestured to the balcony to let her know it was free, but she just waved him off. Comparatively, Chimney had barely let him get out of the doorway before he was pushing past him and out onto the balcony with his phone in hand. Buck really hoped that a night of sleep (even if it wasn’t the best on the couch) would help bring his stress down enough so that he had a better attitude.

It was when he got upstairs he saw Eddie lounging on his bed with his phone in front of him, Chris’s little voice coming through the speakers. If Buck had to choose the worst thing about quarantine, it was definitely the fact that he couldn’t see Christopher in person.

“Hey buddy, Buck is here. Do you want to talk to him?” Eddie asked his son, as if the answer wasn’t obvious. Chris, budding preteen that he is, made sure to let his dad know how unimpressed he was.

“Duh, Dad. Of course I want to talk to Buck!” Buck could almost see the eye roll that must have accompanied that. But he wasn’t going to deny his best friend and kicked his shoes off before putting his tablet on the bedside table and throwing himself on the bed next to Eddie, making the older man glare at him.

“Hey, Superman! Did you get all settled in with Tia Pepa and Abuela?” he asked him.

“Yeah, but I wish I could stay with you and Dad instead,” the little boy bemoaned. “I can’t see Carla, or my friends, or go to the park, and now I can’t see you guys. This sucks!”

“Language, Christopher,” Eddie warned. “And I know this isn’t fun. I really wish that we could all be together too. But it won’t be forever. I promise you that before you know it, we’ll be back to doing family movie nights.”

“I’ve got an idea, Superman. Your dad showed Tia Pepa how to sign into his Disney+ account, right?” Buck asked as he rolled over to grab his tablet again.

“Yeah, I gave her a bunch of my streaming info so she and Abuela could use it,” Eddie confirmed. Buck just ignored him, giving Chris a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah, Dad brought our Roku over and told her how to sign into everything,” he giggled.

“Thank you, person who I actually asked. In that case, I’m going to sign up for my own Disney+ account. We can go back to sharing after lockdown,” Buck explained as he opened up the webpage in his internet browser.

“Why are you getting your own account, Buck?”

“So that we can watch things together. It’s getting late and your dad and I have to work tomorrow. But we get off on Friday morning. How about that night we all watch a movie? You can pick it out. You can watch it with Abuela and Pepa on the TV, and your dad and I can watch it on my TV. We can FaceTime while we watch so it can be like we’re all watching together. Does that sound like a good idea?” Buck questioned his two favorite guys, looking between the two before he finished putting in his payment information. Eddie just gave Buck a look that the blond didn’t fully understand. He saw it sometimes when he came up with an idea for Christopher, but he never knew how to ask about it.

“I love it!” the nine-year-old yelled.

“It- it sounds like a great plan, Buck,” Eddie said, much quieter than his son.

“Then that’s what we’ll do. It’s almost time for you to start getting ready for bed, buddy, but we’ll try to call you tomorrow. Good night, Chris,” Buck said. “Love you lots!”

“Good night Buck, good night Dad! Love you guys more!”

“Impossible, mijo. Good night, love you.”

Chapter Three

Buck had never been more happy to have Amazon Prime and two-day shipping as he was now that he had decided to buy new furniture for his patio. His balcony wasn’t exactly the biggest thing, but he thought he might be able to fit a simple four-person table and chairs out there. The chairs didn’t look like the most comfortable things, but that could be fixed with some cushions.

“Why are you looking at porch furniture?” he heard Eddie ask from behind him. He felt the backrest of the station’s couch he was sitting on shift a little and figured Eddie was leaning on it to see his phone better.

“Well, when I was on my call last night, I decided the furniture I had out there sucks. Like majorly. I almost never spend any time out there so I really didn’t invest in making it comfortable when I first moved in. I figure if I add some new furniture, everyone will have a better spot to make their calls,” Buck explained as he decided to bite the bullet and added the set to his cart before searching for cushions and something for a light source when the sun went down.

“I don’t get you sometimes,” Eddie told him with a quick squeeze to his shoulder. It was there and gone before the pressure on the back of the couch shifted and the older man was moving to sit next to him. “I totally get wanting help with paying for groceries and utilities. With four adults basically confined to your apartment, both of those bills are going to skyrocket. But even after Chimney flipped his lid on you yesterday, you’re willing to spend money to make sure we’re all comfortable.”

“I mean, it’s not like all this stuff is just for you guys to use right now. I’m looking at a lot of this as an investment. I’m hoping to move sometime early next year, or at least find a decent fixer upper by then. The stuff I got so Hen and Chimney could store their clothes and belongings somewhere other than their bags isn’t really meant for clothes. I can use it as storage in my new place then. Same with the patio furniture. Yeah, it’s helpful now, but it’s an investment for my future home too.”

“I thought you loved the loft!” Eddie exclaimed.

“I do, but I’m thinking about making some changes in my life and part of that is getting a bigger place,” Buck explained as he put away his phone.

“Do you want to talk about it?” The brunet asked.

Buck took a second to think about that. He knew he wasn’t ready to explain everything to everyone. But Dr. Copeland wasn’t wrong about how he couldn’t just talk to her. The question of who to talk to was easy. He didn’t trust anyone like he trusted Eddie. If there was anyone he was willing to give the bare bones to, it was him. A part of him acknowledged the reason for this, but the biggest and loudest part of him wasn’t ready to admit to it. In the end, the answer was, yes, he did want to talk about it. But there was one problem.

“This isn’t a conversation I want just anyone to hear,” Buck admitted. “And as much as I love all of our coworkers, every single one of them gossip like your Abuela after Mass.”

“You aren’t wrong,” Eddie agreed with a laugh, even as Liu from the triple tried to deny the gossipy tendencies of the shift. “But I wouldn’t let my Abuela hear you say that.”

“Never!”

“Why don’t we head up to the roof? I’ll let Bobby know we just need some air and some space from everyone for a minute,” Eddie suggested. He got up from the couch and went to talk to Bobby in the kitchen.

Eddie was back in just a few minutes, two bottles of their favorite tea, and balancing bowls of Bobby’s pasta and meat sauce with a plate of garlic bread for both of them. Buck rushed over to grab his share of the food before Eddie could drop them.

“I’m guessing he said he was cool with us on the roof?” Buck laughed.

“More than. Two less people to eat six feet apart in the common area? It was a relief. I think these social distancing guidelines from HQ are stressing him out more than a bit.”

“Probably. Personally, I hate the mask thing. I get that they’re trying to keep us safe, but outside of calls, it’s annoying.”

“I don’t think the masks inside the station will last. They need to balance safety with morale,” Eddie replied as he opened the door to the roof. Once they were out there, they took advantage of the Adirondack chairs everyone had pitched in for when they realized that Covid was fast on the path to being declared a pandemic.

The two dug into their meals as soon as they were comfortable. As much as they came up to the roof to talk, with the risk of an alarm at any time, food took priority. And Buck definitely wasn’t going to complain about the chance to delay the conversation and gather his thoughts. Luckily for him, his best friend was incredibly understanding.

“You don’t need to say anything if you don’t want to. We can just sit out here and enjoy the fresh air.”

“No, I’m good to talk. Just, maybe only the basics. There’s still a lot I need to figure out and I don’t quite know how to talk about that yet.”

“Ok, so just give me the basics,” Eddie told the younger man as he put down his dishes and turned to give Buck his full attention.

Buck took a deep breath and started talking. “When I was in high school, one of my teachers asked us what we thought we would be doing in ten years. I said I wanted to be the hell out of Pennsylvania, but what I really wanted to say was that I wanted a family. I wanted to be a dad. None of the other guys said anything like that, so I didn’t either. And I still want that. I want a baby. I started really thinking about it after Christmas. Seeing everyone with their own family groups. Red and Abby were a distraction, but then it all came back pretty quickly. And Abby made me think a lot about my past partners and what I want in a future one. The thing is, I don’t really want to wait for a romantic partner.”

“What do you mean?” Eddie asked him. When Buck looked at him, he had a little furrow in his brow, but he didn’t look upset, just curious.

“Even if the pandemic wasn’t making dating hard as hell if you weren’t already seeing someone, I just don’t want to wait. I don’t want to spend months, or even years, getting to know someone, seeing if we want the same things in life, if we’re compatible, and then making sure that we are on the same page and ready to have a child. I want to start building a family now.”

“Hence the house. Can’t exactly have a family in that loft.”

Buck laughed at that. “No, if trying to figure out how to fit four grown adults in there showed me anything, it’s that having even a tiny baby in that loft won’t fly for very long.”

“Pretty set on a baby, huh?” Eddie asked Buck. He thought there might have been a tinge of sadness in his friend’s voice, but he couldn’t quite think about why.

“Yeah. I really want the whole package. Middle of the night feedings and diaper changes. Seeing all of the milestones.”

“Not many options to make that happen. Are you thinking adoption or fostering? I’m sure Hen would be more than happy to help walk you through that process.”

“Neither,” Buck said quietly. “Before Red, I was looking into the surrogacy process. I stopped, like I said I got distracted. But it can be a long process, so I’m thinking about starting my research up again. Even if I can’t do anything right now because of the pandemic, I can be ready when life returns to some form of normal.”

“Your trust fund,” Eddie said with understanding. “I don’t know much about surrogacy, but I know it’s expensive. You said you were saving your trust fund for something personal. You want to use it to pay for a surrogate.”

“Yeah. It costs about $125,000, give or take about ten grand. There’s a lot of different costs associated. Sometimes it can even cost close to $175,000. I have no memories of my grandparents, but they left me about a quarter of a million dollars in a trust fund that would be available to me when I turned twenty-five. One of the only good things my parents ever did for me was get me in touch with the financial advisor my grandparents organized who helped me invest most of that money, which was the only thing I was allowed to do before I was twenty-five.”

“I’m guessing it grew,” Eddie drawled.

“My money guy almost tripled it. I don’t know what Maddie did with her trust fund. But I know that it was smaller than mine. My grandparents’ lawyer told me that much in private. That they left me more than they left anyone else. Honestly, I’m at the point where I’m just grateful that they’ve given me the means to make my dream come true.”

“I’m happy for you, Buck,” Eddie told him honestly. “Can I ask you one thing that might be a little awkward?”

“If I’m good with anyone asking me an awkward question, it’s you.”

“When we talked last year about how Shannon and I thought we had another birth control failure before she died, you mentioned that you had a vasectomy. I thought the point of surrogacy was that it helped couples have a biological child. Considering you’re, uh, snipped, wouldn’t it be the same as adopting a newborn at this point?”

Buck couldn’t help but laugh. If there was anyone he was okay with asking such a personal question, it was Eddie. He was also probably the only person who would be so blunt about it. “I don’t think I ever told you about why I had the vasectomy in the first place, did I?”

Now it was Eddie’s turn to laugh. “Man, maybe you did, but we were drinking, and child and work free the next day. I think the fact that I remember that we had the conversation at all might be a miracle!”

“Story time. Right before I turned twenty-three, I ran into a former lover. We’d been friends with benefits for about two months while I was in the area working a construction job. We stopped because I found out that she was sleeping with other guys and that she was being lax about safety. We had a condom mishap and she suggested I get tested. I was pissed. I finished the job and left town after I got my final paycheck. I ended up backtracking and ran into her a couple months later when I was just passing through town. We chatted a bit and she told me she had an abortion right around when I left and then got her tubes tied. She never wanted kids and she wasn’t sure who the father could have been.

“I completely understood her choice. Just because I’ve known I wanted kids since I was a teenager, doesn’t mean everyone is the same. But the thought that I might have had a kid, and if she hadn’t had an abortion and I hadn’t gone back, something I’d never done before, I never would have known. It was a heartbreaking thought. So I started doing some research. I remember hearing a guy once complain that his vasectomy self-reversed itself and he was having a kid he didn’t want. Turns out that you can reverse vasectomies, and for the most part it’s successful. But the risk that it wouldn’t be was too much for me to rely on it. So I did something kind of insane.”

“Buck, if you’re calling something you did insane, I’m a little worried,” Eddie admitted.

“I was basically camping out of my Jeep while I traveled and I saved everything I earned that I didn’t need for upkeep on the Jeep or my living expenses. So I got in contact with every woman I had slept with since I left home, or I looked them up on social media to see if any of them might’ve gotten pregnant in our time together. I was always religious about condom usage, but I needed to check. When none of them had kids or a pregnancy that matched the timeline of when we were together, I moved on to step two. I used all of my savings to pay a fertility clinic here in LA to store several samples of my sperm and got the vasectomy.”

“Ok. I can get the storage thing. If you could afford it, then it was a good way to prevent an accidental pregnancy when you were traveling and still ensure you could have kids when you were ready. But the stalking ex-lovers thing was a little crazy, even for you.”

“There actually weren’t that many. I didn’t start throwing myself into hookups until I came back to LA to go through the academy,” Buck defended himself.

“As long as you were safe and it was all consensual and legal, your sex life is none of my or anyone else’s business,” Eddie cut him off before he could get too worked up. Eddie had seen some of the slut shaming Buck had endured after Abby left. He could only imagine how bad it must have been before her.

“Now, you haven’t fully answered my question. You told me how you can still have a biological child, but not why surrogacy is a better option than adoption. Or even fostering.”

Buck took a minute to consider that. Dr. Copeland had accepted that he wanted to go the surrogacy route and hadn’t asked him why beyond agreeing that the adoption and fostering process could be hard.

“Adoption and fostering are wonderful things. I’m so happy for Hen and Karen, and I’m proud of them for going that route. But it can be really hard, as a single guy. Both of those options revolve around me being approved by others. There’s a background check that reputable surrogacy agencies use, but I guess it seems less hard to get their approval. Maybe because the financial aspect shows that I’m committed. But there’s something else that surrogacy provides that adoption and fostering don’t. And that’s the surety that in the end, my baby will come home with me.

“In California, birth parents have thirty days to change their minds in a private adoption. That means I could hold the baby, name it, take it home, and have weeks of bonding, and then have to give it back to the birth parents. And the goal of fostering is almost always reunification. In some cases, that’s impossible or the situation is too extreme to make that an option.

“But surrogates go through so many steps. There is counseling every step of the way and they go into the process knowing that the baby isn’t theirs. Yes, sometimes they get attached and change their minds. But it’s rare. Again, there’s counseling and therapy to help them continue to protect their mental health throughout the process. And then there’s the fact that since it would biologically be my child, I would have protected rights too.”

“You put a lot of thought into this,” Eddie mused. He was used to his best friend info-dumping on him after a research binge. It was actually one of his favorite traits of Buck’s. But there was something about seeing the thought and commitment that the blond had already put into having a baby that intrigued him and made him happy for Buck.

“Yeah, this is my dream, Eddie. I feel like firefighting is my calling. It’s the job I was meant to do. But having a family and being a parent is my dream. It’s what I’ve wanted for my life for over a decade now.”

“Anything I can do to help, let me know.”

“Thanks, Eds. I think that I want to do this by myself for the most part. I saw what Hen and Karen went through when they had to tell everyone that the IVF didn’t work. I really don’t want to have to go through that. Having to tell people that it didn’t work and getting their pity, that is exactly what I want to avoid.”

“So you’re just not going to tell anyone?” Eddie was a little shocked. Then again, it’s not like it would be hard to hide a pregnancy when none of them were likely to know the surrogate personally.

“I don’t want their pity if something goes wrong. And I don’t want to steal any of Maddie and Chimney’s thunder,” Buck told him. But Eddie knew his best friend better than anyone and could tell he was holding something back.

“Look, Buck, you’ve already given me way more than the basics that you said you were comfortable giving me. I can tell that you’re holding something back, but you don’t have to tell me,” Eddie soothed him before he could get upset.

“It’s not my fault you seem to just pull things out of me!” Buck argued as he gave the Latino a light shove. He decided to open up to Eddie anyway. “I’m afraid that everyone will judge me. They’ll say I’m making a mistake or try to talk me out of it. That one of our team or friends will say that I’m too immature and not ready for this, or that I won’t be a good father.”

Eddie was afraid that was what he would say. “First off, you are going to be a fantastic father. You already are with Chris. I honestly couldn’t do this without you.”

“Eddie,” Buck breathed as he tried to hold back tears. “Seeing you do the whole single father thing with Chris is what made me decide that I can do this, that I don’t need a romantic partner.”

“No way I could have made it this far without your help, Buck. But we can talk about that later. Secondly, you are ready for this. You have spent the past decade making plans and taking steps to be a parent. The only thing I would say you need to change is your apartment, and you already have a plan for that too. At this point, the only person who can decide you’re ready, is you.”

“Thank you, Eddie.”

“You’re welcome. And I know you want to do this on your own. But you have me. I spent most of Christopher’s baby stage in Afghanistan, save a couple of too short leaves. But you’ve helped me with him since the day you met him. You are his second parent. If I can help and support you, in any way you want or need, I am more than happy to!” Eddie firmly told him.

Buck really didn’t want to cry, but the support that Eddie was giving him was definitely making him tear up. “Traditionally, expecting parents don’t tell anyone until the second trimester in case something goes wrong. I was planning to do the same. I don’t know how much help I’ll be willing to accept, but I can tell you that you will be my first call. Once I’m in the safe-zone, you’ll be first to know.”

“I’m honored that I’m your first call. And I’m so happy for you,” Eddie told him as he pulled him into a hug that was interrupted by the alarm.

Unfortunately, not even a pandemic could stop the population of LA from being idiots in need of rescuing.

Chapter Four

FIVE MONTHS LATER

“Buck, seriously, stop staring at her!” Eddie hissed.

“I swear I know her!” Buck hissed back. “I just can’t place from where and it’s driving me insane!”

“We can try to find out where you know her from later. For now, pay attention to the briefing before someone misinterprets your looks and tries to report you to HR!”

Buck knew that Eddie was just trying to look out for him, but it was so hard! He hated running into someone that he knew and just didn’t recognize or remember. The following exchange was usually awkward and left him feeling horrible that he hadn’t remembered whoever it was that he had been talking to. Eddie wasn’t wrong though, there would be time to hopefully figure out where he knew the woman from later.

It was only hours and hours later, talking with his new friends TK and Mateo on the way back from the fire line, that it finally came to him. Mateo mentioned Marvel superheroes and he just finally remembered!

“Hulk! The Hulk! That’s how I know your teammate! I met her at Universal’s Islands of Adventure while we were in line for The Hulk rollercoaster. It was shut down for a nearby storm and two guys ended up getting into a fight not far from us. I was right next to her so I grabbed her and tucked her behind me before anyone could knock into her. She climbed on my back and started commenting on the fight,” Buck told them, excitement bleeding into every word.

“Yeah, that sounds like Marjan,” TK laughed. “Never one to stay out of a fight if she doesn’t have to.”

“I was by myself, so she and her friends invited me to hangout with them for the rest of the day. It was nice to have company for the day.”

“It’s really nice to know you aren’t actually a creep! I mean, you don’t seem like one, but you were staring at her for a while and we just won’t let anyone make Marjan feel uncomfortable. And like, we gotta tell Judd and Paul that you weren’t being creepy and-“

“We get it, Mateo. Don’t worry too much, we’ll make sure that everything gets cleared up,” TK cut him off before reassuring him.

“My captain’s wife is a police sergeant, and there is no way that Athena Grant would ever suffer anyone on her husband’s team displaying that kind of behavior.”

“I know that name!” Mateo exclaimed. “That’s the officer who arrested my cousin.”

“What was he arrested for?” TK asked. It seemed weird to him that someone as dedicated to helping others as Mateo would have a cousin in jail.

“Well, he was going to get arrested for joyriding, but then he ran away from the cops. He lost them, but Sergeant Grant recognized his description and was waiting for him when he got home. Since it was the third time he got arrested for joyriding and he ran, he got charged as an adult,” Mateo explained.

“Erm, what was his name again?” Buck questioned. The more Mateo said, the more familiar all of that sounded to Buck.

“His name is Marvin! Marvin Chavez!”

“Did he have longer hair with like, magenta ends?”

“YES! So you do know him!” Mateo all but squealed at this point.

“No, I never met him. But Athena talked about him. We had a 7.1 earthquake that day. He and Athena were on the overpass when part of it collapsed. There was a truck on fire and Athena had your cousin hot-wire an abandoned cement truck to put the fire out. Then she brought him to booking,” Buck shared what Athena had told him when they all got together to decompress and talk about that day.

“She said some really nice things about what he did to the judge. He still went to jail, but the judge was really lenient.”

“Sounds like Athena.”

TK just looked at the two like they had lost their minds.

It wasn’t long before the trio arrived back at the base camp and reunited with their teammates. It was Mateo who had the first word.

“Good news! Buck’s not a creep!” he called. “He recognized you and he couldn’t place you, but then we were talking about Marvel and realized that you guys met in line at The Hulk ride at Universal! Apparently, there was a fight and he grabbed you and you climbed on his back and then he joined your group!” Mateo rambled on.

Everyone on the strike team just looked at him. The Austin group was used to Mateo being Mateo, but Eddie was a little thrown. The young man almost reminded him of a much more hyper and carefree version of Buck.

“You guys didn’t hear, did you?” Marjan said as Eddie pulled Buck aside to tell him about Hen and let TK’s team tell him about his dad.

What followed was a rescue that was definitely going down as one of the craziest rescues Buck had ever participated in. He would probably have to put it right up there with standing on the moving ladder truck with Eddie to grab the hanging skydive instructor and using the ladder to transport the tiger shark to the ocean. Buck would have to ask Eddie sometime where he thought this rescue ranked. But definitely later, when it’s not quite so raw.

He was double checking that the truck was properly packed before they left when Marjan came up to him.

“Hey, can we talk for a second?” she asked him.

“Sure. I would like to start by apologizing for staring at you. It was pointed out to me that my intentions were only obvious to me and that they could be misinterpreted and/or make you uncomfortable.”

“It’s cool, I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions. Especially when I know what it looks like when a creep is staring at me or when someone is staring at me because of my hijab. You didn’t have either of those looks on your face.”

“All good. You’re a woman and you have a right to be a little skeptical and to protect yourself,” Buck comforted her. “We cool?”

“We’re cool,” she told him with a lighthearted laugh as she grabbed his outstretched hand for a shake before pulling him into a hug. When they pulled out of it she gripped his bicep tight for a second before letting him go. “Damn, you have definitely bulked up since the last time I saw you!”

Now it was Buck’s turn to laugh. “It took me so long to figure out where I knew you from. I would love to say that it was just the soot that threw me off, but you’re one of the few people I follow on Instagram and even there I couldn’t quite place where I knew you from,” he told her.

Marjan reached down to grab a gear bag that had been pulled out and handed it back to him. “We were a lot younger back then. You were barely old enough to drink and I was barely out of high school. You also had a hell of a lot less muscle and some adorable curls!”

“So I’m not the only one who loves the curls?” Hen asked as she joined them.

“Ok, they take a lot of work and they just get in my way at work half the time. Gelling them is just easier!” Buck defended himself to the two women. “You don’t get to judge that, Henrietta. You have no hair!”

“Boy, call me Henrietta one more time,” she warned him as she reached over to give him a light punch. “We all packed up?”

“Yep! I said my goodbyes to TK and Mateo, packed the rig by myself,” he said pointedly, but quietly, “and was just waiting on you and Eddie.”

“He was talking to Judd. Something about high school football teams,” Hen told him. “And excuse me for needing my rest after being in a helicopter crash.” She gave him her own pointed look at this point.

“Was it only you three who came?” Marjan asked as she looked around at the other out of state teams packing up.

“The only ones from our team,” Buck told her as he gave the compartments a final look over and closed them up.

“Ouch. So you spent basically the whole day with strangers.”

“Eh, it was hard at first since I’m not used to just jumping into a new job with new people much anymore, but TK and Mateo weren’t too bad,” Buck reassured her. Hen winced a little at this point. She knew that Buck didn’t really like to be alone for a whole host of reasons and she and Eddie had just abandoned him almost as soon as they had arrived.

“Sorry, Buck,” she apologized.

“It’s all good,” he rushed out. “It’s a long drive to El Paso, so I’m gonna run to the bathroom real quick and grab Eddie so we can go.” Buck barely got that out before he took off to escape the conversation. Now was not the time to think about or acknowledge his abandonment and self-esteem issues. It was when they were on the road, Buck taking the first part of the drive across the state before he couldn’t escape the conversation anymore.

“Hey, Buck, I’m sorry for just volunteering for the strike force without thinking about where that would leave you,” Eddie apologized.

“The team needed help and you had the expertise they needed,” Buck excused his best friend.

“True, but I know how uncomfortable being in new situations makes you,” Eddie said.

“Eddie, please drop it,” Buck asked.

“I’ll drop it for now,” the older man sighed. He watched Buck turn his entire focus to driving the beast that was the ladder truck they had traveled into Texas with. Eddie would take over the driving when they got closer to El Paso.

There was something different about Buck since their conversation on the station roof. He was less open, more contemplative. At the same time, he seemed happier in the quiet moments on shift. Excited.

After several moments of silence, Buck gave a heavy sigh. His eyes never left the road in front of him, but he did divert some of his attention to the brunette. “I’ve been seeing a therapist since before lockdown,” he admitted, as quietly as he could and still be heard over all of the noise the truck created. “If you really want to have this discussion, I would like to postpone it until after I can talk to Dr. Copeland. Give me some time to get my thoughts in order so I can express them more coherently,” he requested.

It was a new step in Buck’s therapy program. Not avoiding difficult conversations or hashing them out in the heat of the moment. But instead requesting time so everyone could come to the table with a cooler head.

“Ok, I can do that,” Eddie said. “When you’re ready, I’m here.”

“Thanks, Eddie,” Buck said before turning the rest of his attention purely to driving. It was almost nine hours to El Paso and Buck was driving the first few hours. He was so grateful that Eddie had gotten certified to drive the truck. The pay bump helped his friend, and the certification meant that Buck wasn’t the only one driving the twenty-plus hours from LA to Austin and back.

The group spent the rest of the drive mostly quiet, everyone taking the time to rest. Every two hours Buck and Eddie switched spots so neither of them spent too much time driving. The closer they got to El Paso, the more Buck noticed Eddie tensing up.

Buck knew that Eddie had his issues with his parents, but he hoped that their short visit wouldn’t leave much time for a fight. If not, hopefully at least he could see his younger sisters. Buck had his own reasons to be nervous about visiting with Eddie’s family, but he wasn’t ready to talk about that with any of them or add that to Eddie’s plate.

Eventually, Eddie pulled the truck up in front of his childhood home. Hen gave a little stretch in the back while Buck gave Eddie a clap on the shoulder before the three of them put their masks on and exited the truck. Eddie’s family was waiting for them on the front porch. Buck noted that all of them were wearing their masks and he wondered who had finally convinced the elder Diazes that it wasn’t an option if they wanted to see their son on his way out of the state. The chance that any of them might have Covid and pass it to Eddie to bring home to Chris was simply too big and none of them were willing to take that chance.

What followed was a relatively pleasant visit in the Diaz family backyard. There were tables and chairs set up so that the team could eat away from the family but still chat, and the food was already individually plated. Conversation was lighthearted and mostly about the volcano that Austin had dealt with recently and how the wildfires in Texas compared to the ones in California.

Other than a short conversation on how Covid affected the oil business and the response from Ramon’s company, they mostly stayed clear of any mention of the pandemic. There were simply too many differences of opinions among the Diaz family. Avoiding it was the only way to keep the peace. Before Buck knew it, everyone was taking turns using the bathroom before they got back on the road. It was after Buck’s turn that he ran into Adriana and she pulled him aside.

“Hey, Buck!” she said as she made some motions that Buck had become extremely familiar with in the last few months. It was an air hug.

“Hey, Adriana. It’s great to see you in person again!” he told her while mimicking her hug.

“I’m glad I managed to get you alone,” she told him. He noticed that she had a bag with her that she hadn’t had before. “I have something for you!”

“Oh?” he questioned. He watched her pull a small shoebox out of the tote and accepted it from her.

“I know we talked a lot about how all of this is going to work with our coordinator and counselor, but when Eddie mentioned that the two of you were coming, I had an idea,” she explained. “I joined a couple of online support groups for surrogates and people going through fertility treatments. Someone mentioned doing a shadowbox when they found out that they were pregnant. I thought you might want to make one.”

Buck opened the box and looked inside it. He wanted to cry when he saw what it contained. In a plastic bag was a capped, positive pregnancy test, there was an empty vial that he knew had contained her fertility drugs, a couple of syringes sans the needles, and two strips of ultrasounds.

“I think the boxes are usually for the moms, but from what my brother has told me, you’re a sentimental bastard!” she laughed. “The ultrasounds are from my confirmation scan and my eight week appointment. I have my twelve week scan in a few weeks, and I’ll send you the digital copies and mail you physical ones if you want.” Buck was touched by her offer.

“I want,” he told her, sniffling as he tried to hold back his tears. He ran a finger over the little peanut shape on the ultrasound that he knew from Maddie and his own research was the baby. It was his baby. “I- I can’t thank you enough for this, Adriana. Not just the stuff for a shadowbox, but for the amazing gift you’re giving me in a few months.”

“I have my own reasons for doing this. I’m sure a lot of people will think it’s just for the money, and that doesn’t hurt, but it’s not my only reason. And I’m sure some people will judge me for being the egg donor too, but it was my choice, and I don’t regret it.”

“Still, thank you so so much. I wish I could give you a hug.”

“Hopefully when I get to LA for the last couple of months, we’ll both be vaccinated and you can give me a hug then,” she told him. “Now, go clean your face real quick and then get out of here before my brother hunts you down. If anyone asks where you were, tell them we were exchanging emails so I can send you my brother’s embarrassing baby photos,” she ordered.

“You already have my email and better actually send me those,” he told her with a pout.

“Of course! Now go!”

“God, I’m going. No need to channel Abuela on me!”

Chapter Five

Buck really wished he was back in Texas, fighting wildfires with strangers. Anything was better than coming back to the bomb his oh so loving sister had decided to drop on him. He thought that they could have a good visit in his loft. This was the opposite of that.

Maddie had told their parents about her pregnancy and now they were coming to LA. They were already in the state if what she told him was correct.

Deep breaths.

Dr. Copeland had prepared him for the chance that something like this might happen. It had been a whole session on its own, how his impending fatherhood was making him think about his own relationship with his parents. Those thoughts had led him to thinking about Maddie and wondering if she was having similar thoughts.

As far as Buck knew, despite not talking to their parents after she ran from Doug or when she killed him (something he had taken it upon himself to inform them of), Maddie didn’t speak to their parents often.

Still, he wondered if her impending motherhood would be enough to start talking to them again. He was completely unsurprised when that turned out to be exactly what happened.

“So, let me get this straight. You invited Mom and Dad… To visit,” he recounted.

“Yes,” she told him with a short nod.

“And you’re just telling me now.”

“Well, you know, you were in Texas, and… I wasn’t completely sure they were coming,” she tried to deflect.

“You’re just telling me now that they’ve crossed the California state line, and it’s too late for me to talk you out of it,” he clarified again. “Though… I’m still not sure who talked you into it.”

“No one,” she told him. “I guess I just… want my little girl to have a normal family. You know, uncles and grandparents that she might actually know,” she explained. And Buck could get that. He wished nothing more than for his baby to have the whole package too. To have everything he never got. But Buck was also realistic that if he wanted his baby to have a happy and emotionally safe childhood, the opposite of his own, he couldn’t let his parents be involved.

“Well, then maybe you shoulda gotten knocked up by a guy who has one of those,” he fired back.

Adriana was only eleven weeks along, and he was firm that no one was finding out until she was officially twelve weeks. Until then, Maddie had no clue that her baby girl would have a cousin about three months younger than her. Still, it felt like Maddie was making this choice for both of their children, and Buck needed to remind himself that wasn’t the case.

“Well, that is not funny,” she chastised him. “Maybe… maybe this’ll be a good thing, you know? You could talk to Mom and Dad, tell them how you’ve been feeling. Could be good for your therapy, right?” she tried to convince him.

Buck was doing his best not to snap at his sister. He was really trying. But if she really thought talking to them would be good for his therapy, she would have given him more warning so that he could actually talk about it there and prepare himself.

“Or cause me to need more of it,” he shot back. It almost amused him that Maddie was suggesting what might be good for his voluntary therapy when she did the bare minimum and despised her own mandatory therapy. Buck decided that he was too annoyed by the entire conversation to be truly amused.

“I think I’m willing to try. And… maybe Mom and Dad are too,” she told him, the beginnings of tears in her eyes. He hated it when Maddie cried. Not only did it leave him feeling guilty, but Chimney was even more defensive of Maddie’s emotional stability and her wants now that they were living together again. Anyone who made her cry faced his wrath, including Buck.

Buck just sighed. If he wanted to keep the peace, he really didn’t have much of a choice. His ingrained need to avoid conflict was amplified by his childhood memories taking more precedence in his therapy as he prepared for fatherhood. Combined with the guilt of almost making his sister, who had all but raised him before she went to college, cry, he felt compelled to say yes.

“Fine. But we’re a team, okay? A-a united front. You are not allowed to leave me alone with them,” he insisted. If he was left alone with his parents, he would not be held responsible for anything he said to them. And he was coming up with a lot to say.

“I won’t. I promise,” Maddie assured him. “And don’t worry. Chimney’s gonna be there too. And Albert,” she tried to comfort him.

“Albert’s coming?” This was news to him. Considering Albert was his roommate (that he, kindly, wasn’t charging rent to) and apparently had prior notice about the Buckley family reunion, Buck would have hoped that the young man would’ve given him some kind of notice.

“Chim is telling him about it right now!”

Okay, so that’s slightly better. At least it wasn’t someone else in his life keeping a secret from him. But he felt bad that the kid was going to be subjected to their family’s special brand of drama. Chimney signed up for that as far as Buck was concerned. Albert, on the other hand, was another victim of his sister’s need for a 1960s-esque picture perfect family.

The time between Maddie telling him about their parents impending visit and the all important dinner went by quickly.

Buck was still unsure if that was a good thing. On the one hand, he did end up being able to get an emergency session with Dr. Copeland about de-escalation techniques. And the mystery about the woman killed behind her locked gate kept Buck distracted enough to not spiral about the situation too much. On the other hand, Buck really really wished that he had more time to prepare. Maybe try to convince Maddie to come to a therapy session with him. Unfortunately for Buck, time was up. Now he just needed to get through dinner.

Buck watched Maddie open the door and greet their parents. He wondered if they would be so excited for their second grandchild. Would they bring armfuls of gifts for his newborn? Was it just because his niece was the first grandchild and even any subsequent children Maddie had would receive a less enthusiastic welcome to the world and the family? Or would it only be his children? He knew that one day he would have an answer to those questions, he just wasn’t sure that he wanted it.

Dinner went somewhat better than he expected. Buck’s mother vacillated between being completely disinterested in him and condescending to him. The big surprise was Maddie telling his parents that he was seeing a therapist, violating his privacy as far as Buck was concerned, and that his parents had “seen” a therapist about Maddie’s relationship with Doug and its traumatic ending.

His father had made somewhat of an effort to call him Buck. But it was becoming increasingly clear that Chimney knew something about him that he didn’t, and that everyone else but Albert also seemed to be in on it. He had a feeling that he knew what it was, but he wanted to at least try to let one of them come to him.

Then the week got even weirder.

Buck had enough trauma associated with bombers as it was, nevermind that he had no clear memories of the truck bombing itself. Then Chimney decided to try talking to the guy. He had no clue exactly what was going through his mind, but Buck was sure that if he had tried that, everyone would have taken it upon themselves to lecture him. Buck dealt with the wait by deploying his favorite coping mechanism of going through different facts about bombings and trying to come up with a plan.

The weird part was when Chimney and Hen were loading the guy into the ambulance and he seemed to know Buck.

Buck couldn’t think of any singular reason why Chimney would need to talk to a man threatening to blow up a building about him, but it couldn’t have been anything good. And it ultimately left him feeling extremely uncomfortable.

Finally, it came time for yet another Buckley-Han family dinner. It went even worse somehow.

More and more of his parents being condescending or flat out ignoring him was expected. His father was back to calling him Evan (which, he still didn’t get considering it wasn’t even his legal first name). And then his father had to bring up all of the times he was hurt enough to end up in the hospital. The nerve of his parents to be upset about him being hurt, when they couldn’t even put aside their own issues to be there for him.

Buck’s baby wasn’t even big enough to see the gender on the ultrasound, but he knew that their needs came before his own comfort and wants from now on. That is what it means to be a parent. To make it worse, his parents brought a beautiful box full of Maddie’s keepsakes from when she was a baby, but it was made clear that he didn’t have one, Chimney implied he was still a child, and it was even more clear that everyone was keeping a secret about him.

Then Buck fought with his parents about how they cut Maddie off just for marrying a guy they didn’t like. Buck hadn’t meant to unload how he felt about his parents on them, but he just couldn’t hold it in anymore, especially when it was implied that Buck was simply too difficult to love, and they never denied that they didn’t love him.

Now, here he was, trying to work out his frustrations on the heavy bag in the station and talk to Eddie. Usually, Buck didn’t like to use the punching bag while he was working through complex emotions. He was just so full of anxious energy, guilt, and anger and it was the only thing that appealed to him.

“Tell Mom and Dad how you feel! It’ll be a fresh start! Ah!” he complained, each sentence punctuated by a hit. “Two dinners. That’s all it took, two dinners, and I am twelve years old again, trapped between my sister and my parents. And now… planning my awkward apology,” he confessed.

“What do you have to apologize for?” Eddie asked him. As far as Eddie could understand, absolutely none of this was Buck’s fault. Maddie was the one who invited them knowing Buck didn’t get along with them. Maddie was the one who insisted on not taking the first dinner as a win and insisted on a second. And Maddie promised to stand with her brother and did the bare minimum as far as he was concerned. “Did you say anything that wasn’t true?”

“No, but-”

“Well, look. Maybe you could’ve come at it a little differently, but if that’s how you feel, how they made you feel, you have every right to say so,” Eddie insisted.

“Yeah, and I don’t need any more therapy,” Buck told his best friend as he went back to hitting the bag. “I just wanna hit things!” Which was apparently the wrong thing to say as Eddie reached over to stop the bag from swinging and block Buck from taking his next shot.

“I’ve been down that road,” he reminded Buck. Buck truly had forgotten that in the moment. “I don’t recommend it.”

Their conversation was interrupted by Buck’s phone ringing yet again.

“Maddie again?”

“Yeah, she’s worried about me,” Buck admitted before deciding to kick the bag.

“Can’t imagine why,” Eddie said sarcastically before walking to finish his own workout.

Buck sat down to take a breather, then took his gloves off and walked over to where Eddie was getting the bench press ready so he could spot him. Buck looked around and made sure they were alone, then he started talking.

“Look, you’re the only one who I trust to know about all of the plans I’ve been making this year. Part of my prep for that has been talking to Dr. Copeland about my childhood with my parents. I told her that I don’t feel comfortable having them in my child’s life. It makes me sad that my child won’t have grandparents on my side, or maybe even at all depending on who my future partner is, if I even find the right person. But I want them to have Maddie. I want them to have their cousin. I’m just afraid that if I don’t make this effort with them like Maddie wants, then I’ll lose that. I’ll lose it before my baby even has a chance.”

Eddie abruptly put the weight bar back in place and sat up to face Buck. “Three things. First, Maddie has no right to force you to give up your comfort for her wants. What’s that thing Dr. Copeland told you? You can’t keep setting yourself on fire to keep others warm? I’m not gonna tell you that your fears aren’t valid, but I want you to consider something. If your worst fears come true and Maddie decides it’s more important for her and her daughter to have a relationship with your parents in their lives instead of you, or to your detriment, then is it really worth having them?”

Buck took a second to consider that. “We’ll have you and Chris. And you guys bring Pepa and Abuela with you. We’ll have Carla and Howard. Bobby and Athena will absolutely be there. I won’t completely discount Hen and Karen. Maybe they’ll choose Chimney, and then get Maddie by extension, but maybe they won’t take any sides. With all of that, would it hurt not having Maddie? Yes, absolutely. But you’re right, I can’t set myself on fire to keep Maddie warm. I need to put the baby first, my child, and my future first. Even if that means keeping potential dangers away. Including my sister.”

Eddie was so proud of his best friend. He could see the tears in Buck’s eyes, he knew how hard it was for him to admit that maybe his future didn’t include his beloved sister. Eddie decided to move on instead of mentioning those thoughts.

“Second, don’t tell me your kid won’t have grandparents on your side. Maybe they won’t have their biological grandparents in their life, but they’ll still have grandparents. Can you honestly tell me that Bobby isn’t going to expand on seeing you as his son to see any child you have as his grandchild? And that Athena won’t step right in as a grandmother? Although, I feel bad for whoever dares to call her that to her face. And Abuela already considers you another nieto. Another bisnieto? A dream come true for her. Your baby will have plenty of grandparent figures,” Eddie assured the blonde. By now Buck was clearly crying.

“Thanks, Eds,” Buck choked out.

“And third, you keep saying my child, my baby. You’re talking like you don’t have time to figure out how you want to deal with your family. Something you want to tell me?”

Well, there went Buck’s tears. Instead, they were traded in for a blush. “Twelve weeks, remember?” Buck reminded the older man. “Can we revisit this next week?”

“Absolutely man!” Eddie crowed as he stood up to pull Buck into a bone crushing hug. “I’m so happy for you, Buck,” Eddie whispered in his ear.

“Thanks, Eds,” Buck whispered back as he squeezed back.

“Come on man, let’s go get a shower and some food,” Eddie told him. Buck clapped him on the back and followed him into the locker room and then toward the showers. He wished he’d skipped the food though.

“Ok, I know I put my food in the fridge,” Buck complained as he searched through the industrial fridge the station used. “Did one of you guys move it?”

“I’ve been with you basically all day,” Eddie reminded him as he grabbed the burrito bowl he brought for his own post-workout snack. “What was it?”

“I finally convinced Athena to teach me her pasta salad recipe,” he whined as he gave up and turned around. Only to see the floater they had from B-shift finishing up his food while talking to Chimney.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Buck normally tried not to unnecessarily raise his voice or swear in the station. But this time, he felt like the situation called for it. He wasn’t sure anyone else agreed with that based on the looks he was getting.

“Woah, dude, calm down, Beauchamp didn’t know,” Eddie told him.

“No, he might not have known, but Chimney is sitting right there and he knows what I use for Tupperware. He also knows what I like to eat after I do my PT on shift!” Buck snapped. “Seriously man?! What, finally being let in on the big Buckley family secret wasn’t enough?! You decided I shouldn’t have my own food either?!”

“Buck, calm down!” Hen ordered him. None of them had ever seen him this angry before. Not even when Chimney had long overstayed his welcome after the others moved out of Buck’s loft and then suggested that Buck take in Albert until he could get on his own feet.

“Oh, did he tell you too? Of course, he did! Because he tells you fucking everything Hen. I bet he told you all about how I had an older brother who died when I was barely a year old from complications caused by leukemia? And that the only reason I was even scientifically engineered was because no one else in the family was a bone marrow match? Or maybe he told you that I failed at that, hmm?

“Literally my only purpose in life was to be a damn savior to a brother I never even knew. Chim definitely had to have told you all about how everyone in my family knew. And despite the fact that my parents were completely incapable of loving me, none of them had the balls to ever tell me why? None of them wanted to admit that I was planned, but never wanted and that the elder Buckleys clearly blamed me for my brother’s death? How they kept me instead of just getting rid of me, like the failed parts I am? Hmm, how much of that did Chimney confide in you? Considering not even he had the guts to tell me the truth,” Buck unloaded on Hen, shocking everyone into silence.

“How did you find out about Daniel?” Chimney whispered into the silence.

Chapter Six

Silence followed Chimney’s question. In a place that was never truly quiet, one could have heard a pin drop. Slowly, those closest to Buck turned their shocked gazes from him to Chimney. Buck just gave a defeated sigh.

“I’m completely unsurprised that my sister let you in on the family secret. And I’m not surprised that you took her side and kept it from me. I only have one question. Did it never occur to you and my sister that I not only deserved, but needed to know my own damn medical history?!?! Both of you are trained medical professionals! You know how important an accurate history can be to treating a patient!” It seemed that the mention of the danger that came from not knowing an accurate medical history got through to Hen at least.

“Buck, stop!” Chimney tried to order him. “How did you find out about Daniel?!”

“How I found out is none of your damn business!”

“It is my business! Maddie and your parents never wanted you to know! What the hell am I supposed to tell her?!”

“Chimney, you need to calm down,” Hen tried to soothe him. “Come on, let’s take a walk, let everyone calm down.”

“No! I need to know how he found out! The Buckley’s made sure he would never find out! I know he didn’t find out from them, and I made sure the radio was off when I told Stan!” Chimney shouted as he ripped his arm out of her grip.

Buck didn’t think the station could get any quieter than it already was. But maybe it was all in his head. He had never been so angry in his life. It was like everything fell away, he couldn’t even hear his own heartbeat, and all he could see was red. It was one thing to have a passing thought that maybe Chim had told that bomber about him and the big family secret, but to have it confirmed?

“Let me get this straight. So, my sister told you information about me that I needed to know, and asked you not to tell anyone. So, instead of being a good friend to me, like you claim to be, you decided that you would tell a man threatening to bring down a building. Do I have that right?” Buck asked through gritted teeth.

“Well I tried to tell Albert and he ran away. I had to tell someone!” Chimney defended himself. “Seriously, how in the hell did you find out?!”

“At least one of you has some form of common sense! You really want to know how I found out?! MY MEDICAL RECORDS!! THE BONE MARROW GRAFT DIDN’T TAKE, BUT THAT DOESN’T CHANGE THAT THEY TOOK IT FROM ME IN THE FIRST PLACE!!” Buck screamed at the top of his lungs.

“WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!” Athena’s voice cut through all of the rest who had started throwing their own two cents at some point.

“Chimney decided that it was a good idea to tell that bomber from the other day my private medical information. Information he got from my sister, and was told that I didn’t know and wasn’t supposed to know,” Buck explained as all of the anger just drained out of him.

That was the thing about Buck’s anger and temper. It was slow to build. Some would say that this had been building for years, since he met Chimney. But then something would finally spark his growing anger and it would burn hot and fast. Finally, it would just stop. It would drain out of him, like a campfire being doused.

“You!” Athena barked, pointing at Bobby. “Buck is done for the day. I’m taking him home. Handle all of this, or I will handle it for you!”

“Of course, Thena,” the captain acquiesced. “You take the rest of the shift off, Buck. Let me know if you need to take the next one off.”

“Sure, Bobby. I’ll let you know,” Buck said as his anger sparked back up just enough to turn a burning glare to the older man. It didn’t escape his notice that Bobby hadn’t said a single thing to defend him.

Buck swept his gaze over the rest of the shift and then turned around to go down the stairs to change out. Behind him, he could hear Eddie reassuring Beauchamp that it wasn’t his fault, that the situation had been building for a while and was entirely about Chimney. Beauchamp eating Buck’s food while Chimney watched was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. Whatever else was said, Buck didn’t hear as he made it to the bottom of the stairs and into the locker room.

Before he knew it he was sitting with Athena and May, a bowl of popcorn and gummy bears in his lap for him and May to share. Death Note was queued up on Netflix and they were ready to watch it.

It was probably one of Buck’s favorite side effects of Covid.

Once the story of the Diaz-Buckley Family watch parties during lockdown spread through the kids, May and Harry were begging for their own version.

Harry was deep in his anime phase and Bobby had done his best to pick one out for the three of them to watch. First it had been Madoka Magica, which seemed sweet and wholesome. And then turned into a horror show. They cycled through several shows, each one having Bobby fearing his wife’s wrath. Finally Bobby tried to pick Attack on Titan, and Buck put his foot down before they could even start it. Now he was watching Toriko with the boys. May wasn’t one to be left out and picked Death Note to watch with her mother and Buck.

They watched several episodes together, May curling into Buck and him taking comfort from the contact. Eventually, he felt calm enough to start talking.

“Maddie and I had a brother, but I never knew him. I was just barely a year old when he died. If there were any photos or home movies of the two of us together, my parents got rid of them. He died, and their response was to move towns and erase him. They drowned in their grief, so focused on trying to pretend that everything was fine, like they weren’t mourning, when all they could do was mourn. It made it impossible for them to be any kind of parent. And none of them ever told me.”

“I’m lucky, I never had to go through what your parents did,” Athena said as she reached over to give May’s shoulder a squeeze. “They don’t have a word for that. Spouses who lose a partner are called widows or widowers. Children who lose their parents are called orphans. There isn’t a word for parents who lose their child. But to completely erase that child? I’m not sure they ever were parents.”

The three of them sat in silence for a little longer, Light and L’s battle playing out in front of them. It was May, the girl Buck had grown to love like a little sister who broke it.

“How did he die?” she asked quietly.

Buck took a minute to contemplate that. Before today, he had only discussed this with the counselor from the fertility clinic and Dr. Copeland. He hadn’t been prepared to tell anyone at all today. But now it was out and he would rather everyone have his side, not just Chimney pushing Maddie’s narrative.

“Maddie was born in 1982, Daniel in 1983. When he was five, Daniel was diagnosed with leukemia. They tried every treatment available to them at the time. But all the chemo was doing was postponing the inevitable. The best option was a bone marrow transplant. Unfortunately, there was no match in any of my near relatives and finding an unrelated donor just wasn’t a thing like now.

“There was a new, experimental process. Using IVF to genetically engineer matches. Savior Siblings. I was born in 1992, one of the first. I was too young to donate my marrow yet, but the second the doctors were willing to do the transplant, my parents insisted on it. Before they can do the transplant, the doctors have to eradicate the old marrow. The process also destroys the immune system, makes you vulnerable to infection.

“The doctors stuck a truly huge needle into my bones when I was a baby. They all but tortured me considering the pain after the procedure. But the cells never even had a chance to graft. Daniel got an infection, it moved quickly, and he died.”

“I’m so sorry, baby,” Athena told him as she wrapped him in her arms and guided his head to her shoulder. “But none of this was your fault.

“I failed him, Thena,” Buck choked out before finally crying.

“No you didn’t. Your genetic donors did. They failed your brother when they moved away from anyone who knew Daniel. They failed him when they got rid of any pictures of him. When they stopped talking about him. They failed your brother when they tried to keep it all a secret from you.”

“You want to know the irony?” Buck chuckled. Athena hummed in acknowledgment, she figured that Buck needed to get it off his chest. “The only reason my parents are back in my life and all of this is coming out now is because Maddie is having a baby. I found out about the transplant and Daniel because I was making sure that one day I could have a baby. I decided to freeze my sperm and get a vasectomy years ago. Before the actual, er, collection, the clinic took a full medical history. The donation was in my chart and there were notes from the doctor about why such a young baby was donating bone marrow. Their counselor talked me through it. I followed through with my plans and then decided to figure out what happened.”

“I’m sorry you found out that way, Buck,” May told him.

“Thanks, May. I don’t have kids yet, but it feels like Maddie is making the choice about our parents’ involvement for both our kids. I would rather my kids have no grandparents than for my parents to fill that role.”

“I mean, you already are a dad. You have Chris. Which means you’re a grandma, Mom!” May sassed.

“You watch your mouth!” Athena chastised, giving May a little pinch. “If anything, I’m a Mémé.”

Buck had just stopped crying, but now the tears were flowing again. It was one thing to joke about Bobby and Athena being his parents. But to hear Athena give herself a grandparent name, to know for sure that Athena was willing to jump into that role for his child, even for Chris. And to hear May call Chris his son, it was all so much. And all he could do to release the emotions was cry.

The three of them cuddled on the couch for the rest of the night before deciding to order in for dinner. A night with his mother and his little sister was exactly what Buck needed. It only got better when Michael and Harry joined them and they had a Disney movie marathon after Buck made a comment that he hadn’t done that before Chris and Eddie. It was different, being in the spot of the child during a family movie instead of the parent. He loved it just as much.

Buck ended up staying the night and helping Athena with breakfast in the morning. The two of them sat down with May to eat and Bobby joined them halfway through. They avoided talking about what happened the day before. Talking with the Grant ladies had been cathartic, but he was terrified to talk to Bobby. The closest he and Bobby had ever come to acknowledging their relationship beyond captain and subordinate was when he went to the hospital after the lawsuit. Even then, they never actually said the words.

Buck decided he wasn’t going to put the discussion off. All putting the conversation off would do is give him time to spiral and disasterize how the conversation would go or how Bobby was going to punish him for his outburst on shift.

“I would like to start with, I’m sorry for my outburst. I needed to talk to Chimney, but I shouldn’t have lost it on shift. There is a time and place for personal conversation and the station, during shift, was neither. You told me once that when we come on shift, we find a way to leave everything but the weight of our gear at the doors. I didn’t do that yesterday. I’m sorry.”

“Thank you, Buck,” Bobby said. He got up and got some coffee for the two of them before asking Buck to join him out on the back patio. The dishes could wait for a little while. “I understand why you got upset, and while I wish it hadn’t happened on shift, it seemed like that had been building for a while. If it’s okay with you, I would like to start this conversation as captain and firefighter so that we can get the professional out of the way. I would rather end on personal.”

“That’s good with me,” Buck agreed.

“First, I put you in for a suspension, with pay, for the remainder of yesterday’s shift. Because you’re right, your behavior yesterday was unprofessional. Unfortunately, the whole shift witnessed your verbal attack on Chimney. He’s also being suspended with pay for the next three shifts for sharing your private information with a criminal.”

“I understand,” Buck said. But he really didn’t. Suspending him for the remainder of his shift for his outburst was completely understandable. It was kind of Bobby to suspend him with pay, but he didn’t understand Chimney’s suspension.

The man got to give his private medical history to a bomber of all people, and then he only got suspended for three shifts with pay? Sometimes Buck wondered if Bobby’s judgment was compromised with only him or him and Chimney. At this point though, he honestly just didn’t have it in him to fight.

“Now for the personal. How’re you doing, Kid?” Bobby asked him.

“I’m okay. I talked to Athena and May, and that really helped. I’m just done. I know Chimney is going to tell Maddie that I know, and then she’ll tell her parents, and then at least one of them is going to try to get in contact with me. I don’t wanna talk to any of them. Can you please make sure they don’t have access to me at the station?”

“Of course Buck. I noticed that you called them Maddie’s parents, but not yours.” Buck could see the concern in Bobby’s face and hear it in his voice. Buck took a minute to consider his surrogate father’s words.

“I told Athena and May how I found out about Daniel last night. I really don’t want to go through all of this again, so to make a long story short, I decided to freeze my sperm before getting a vasectomy. The clinic I used wanted a medical background check which is how I found out about everything. The fact that all of this is coming up because I made plans to become a dad and Maddie invited our parents here because she’s going to be a mom is ironic to me.

“All of it has made me think. I don’t love Margaret and Phillip. It’s something that I accepted recently in therapy. I accepted that they have never loved me years ago, but it took a little longer to let go of my own love for them. It just wasn’t healthy to hold onto it, or hold on to hope. It’s easier to not think of them as my parents,” Buck explained as he rolled his coffee mug between his hands. He stared down at the drink he had been sipping, hoping it would show him how all the drama with Maddie and the Buckley parents would end.

“You know, Chim said that, according to Maddie, they aren’t bad people, just bad parents. They seem to be making a real effort to fix things with you both,” Bobby said. “Why not give them a second chance?”

“Because I don’t want to,” Buck answered forcefully. “You know, I love you. You’re the closest thing to a real father I’ve ever had. But I don’t know how we can move forward if you’re just going to keep being Maddie’s mouthpiece via Howard Han. When I had the clots, Maddie gave the ER doctor exactly what he needed to say that I overdid it and caused them. He didn’t do a damn test to try and determine the cause. But she used her experience to manipulate him. Then, she hounded Chimney that the job was too dangerous for me, and he passed it on to you.”

“And I kept you off the job, just like she wanted,” Bobby finished.

“And you’re doing it again, Bobby,” Buck explained as he put his mug down and clasped his hands. “Maddie wants me to forgive her parents and for us all to pretend they love me because she wants a perfect family straight out of a sitcom. Chimney wants to keep Maddie stress free, and as always, give her whatever it is that she wants. So, he pleads his case to you. Because he knows that you take his opinions and his words seriously. Just like he knows that I respect you more than anyone.

“But what about what I want? What about what my children need? I found out about Daniel because I froze my sperm. I don’t mean to keep hammering that home, but I found out about why I was born while preparing to have children in the future. Children are a future guarantee for me. If you listen to May, I already have one in Christopher. Just because Maddie wants to have the Buckleys in her and her daughter’s lives doesn’t mean I do. Maybe they can be good grandparents. But it will never happen for me. They never wanted me, they never loved me, and I don’t want to give them another chance to fail me. And giving them a chance to make a child I’m responsible for feel like that? That is what would make me a bad parent.”

“Buck-”

“Bobby, please. Drop it. Now you agreed to keep them out of the station, please follow through on that.”

“You’re right, I’ll make sure you can work in peace,” Bobby assured him. He put down his own coffee and clapped Buck on the shoulder. “Did May seriously call Chris your son?”

“And she called Athena his grandma.”

“I can only imagine how my lovely wife reacted to that,” he laughed.

“She said she would prefer Mémé,” Buck responded before they both broke into laughter, the stress behind them. For now.

Chapter Seven

Buck was so grateful when the Buckley parents finally went back to Pennsylvania. There was only so much of Maddie trying to force contact that Buck could take before he snapped.

Which is exactly what he did. It was going to take a while, but he would forgive Maddie. She had been essentially brainwashed by her parents all of her life. But now she was an adult, and for them to fix their relationship, both of them needed to put in the work. Maddie had agreed to attend therapy and hopefully it would convince her to get therapy for herself. For now, he wanted to focus on his shift. He had a feeling about this one, which is why he was being so thorough about checking the rig with Eddie.

“Trauma bag?” Buck called from the list on his clipboard.

“Yup,” Eddie answered from where he was buried in one of the rig’s cargo holds.

“I’m sorry. What was that?” Buck asked, his hand cupping his ear like he was trying to hear better.

“Check,” Eddie groaned with a roll of his eyes.

“Yeah. AED?” Buck continued down his list.

“Check.”

“Oh no,” Hen joked as she came up to them. “Who gave that guy a clipboard?”

“Ah,” Buck cooed, “don’t worry. It’s a kinder, gentler clipboard. As is the man who holds it. Meet Buck 3.0!”

“What, three? What happened to 2.0?” Hen asked with her hands in her uniform pockets.

“Two’s leg was crushed by a ladder truck and his girlfriend left him,” Chimney answered, munching on an apple.

Things were tense between them for a bit until Buck ‘forgave’ him and Maddie. Now, the only one still feeling the tenseness was Buck. He had resigned himself to always watching what he said around any of them. He would never fully trust Chimney again. Not after the man had proved that Maddie’s wants would always be the most important thing for him. Even over others needs.

“Still not sure what inspired the software update,” Eddie commented from where he was leaning on the compartment doors.

“I’m just ready to let go of the past,” Buck explained.

“Your parents lied to you your entire life, and you’re just gonna let that go? What’s your secret?” Hen asked him.

“Therapy,” Buck answered honestly. “They offered to come to sessions with me, and I’m grateful that they want to try, but I don’t. I agreed to go to sessions with Maddie though. My relationship with her is what’s important to me and worth fixing. My relationship with the Buckleys is non-existent. You can’t fix what never existed.”

“Very mature, Buck,” Hen complimented.

“Very Buck 3.0!” the man himself joked.

“Ok, I am not calling you that! Are you gonna be taking part in these family sessions too?” Hen asked her best friend.

“Uh uh!” Chimney raced to answer. “Key word family, which I am not!” he told Hen as he walked away to start his own chores. “Technically,” he clarified when Buck gave him a bewildered look. Chimney was the father of Buck’s niece. Whether either of them liked it or not, they were family.

“You’re allowed to give yourself time, you know. To process,” Eddie reminded the blonde.

“I know,” Buck told his own best friend. “I’m just tired of looking behind me. I’m ready to start thinking about the future,” he explained to the group, punctuating his sentence with a jab of his pen and a pointed look at Eddie. “Speaking of which, are we still on for breakfast tomorrow, Eds?”

“Definitely!” Eddie answered. “You, me, no kid on a school morning for once? I wouldn’t miss it!”

“Perfect, I got something I wanna tell ya!” There was a bit of a twinkle in Buck’s eye. “Hey, Probie!” Buck called as he spotted the station’s new probationary firefighter, Ravi Pannikar, walking up behind Chimney. The shout ended up startling the poor kid. “Oh, uh.”

“No, no, no, no,” Ravi tried to reassure Buck as he jogged over to help pick up the manuals the newbie dropped. “Don’t worry. I got it.”

“Sorry,” Buck apologized. “I didn’t mean to startle you. You’re the new B-Shift probie, right?”

“Yeah. I mean, yes, sir,” the kid sputtered. “Just finished my first shift.”

“Uh, how was it?” Buck asked. His own first shift had been mundane and Eddie’s had been in the middle of a heatwave.

“Oh, pretty quiet.”

Wrong thing to say. Way, way the wrong thing to say. Hen, Chimney, and Buck all reared back, Buck physically walking back several steps.

“Whoa!” Hen sputtered. “Did he just say-”

“No!” Chimney cut her off.

“Sorry, I just said it was-”

“Don’t say it again!” Chimney ordered as Buck tried to motion to the kid to stop talking.

“Hold on, hold on,” Hen interjected. “I don’t know. Maybe if he says it a second time it undoes the curse,” she suggested. Which was the point when they lost Eddie, who was continuing to stock the rig. He was used to his teammates’ shenanigans, but a curse? That was just a step too far for him.

“Maybe if he says it a third time the Candyman will show up and kill us all!” Chimney argued back. Which confused Buck. What did a Christina Aguilera song about a guy’s dick have to do with saying something three times and death? “Let’s not test that theory!”

“That word is forbidden in the firehouse- in any house!” Buck explained to Ravi. It was something Buck wished had been explained to him before he said it. Maybe it was some kind of probie hazing no one told him about after he graduated? “We just- we don’t use the Q-word.”

“Who used the Q-word?” Bobby called down from the loft. He did not look happy.

The Three Musketeers considered throwing Ravi under the bus for a second. It probably wouldn’t help anything, but it would make it clear none of them were that dumb.

“What am I missing here?” Eddie asked. As if by magic, the bells went off and their shift from hell officially started.

“We’re jinxed,” Chimney answered Eddie as they all raced to gear up and close the rig compartments so they could attend to the call.

What followed could arguably be considered one of the worst days Buck had ever had at work. And that included the first shift back after the lawsuit, when everyone was cold and dismissive if they weren’t outright cruel.

Call after call after call. If they weren’t on stupid calls, then they were stuck in the truck. Quite literally when a live power line fell on the truck, trapping them inside of it. While Buck, Hen, and Chimney were looking up ways to reverse the jinx (and debating the difference between a jinx and a curse), Eddie was making fun of them for being so superstitious.

By the time they finally made it back to the station they were all exhausted. Buck decided to work on some therapy homework. First he made a note to talk to Dr. Copeland about how everyone was laughing about the time he got stuck in potentially toxic fire-suppression foam and how that made him feel.

Afterwards he grabbed the book that Dr. Copeland had suggested that he read. It was all about love languages. She wanted Buck to figure out his own. How he shows his love and how he receives love. Buck had a feeling that she was using it to lead into a long discussion about his past relationships and why they didn’t work. And that was a conversation he wasn’t sure if he was ready for. Just like he wasn’t ready to examine why his conversation with Eddie about Ana Flores earlier had been so upsetting to him.

He was reading in the loft with Hen and Chimney while Bobby cleaned up the kitchen and Eddie caught some sleep. Buck was a little surprised when the man decided to join them.

“Ah, I thought you were hitting the bunks,” Bobby said as Eddie walked over to the fridge.

“Could’t sleep,” Eddie mumbled back in response.

“Maybe that curse is getting to you too.”

“Or, maybe I just couldn’t sleep,” Eddie suggested.

“Yeah, welcome to the club,” Chimney told him without looking up from his book.

“Am I interrupting book club?” Eddie asked as he saw them all reading.

“Medical, babies, women,” Hen explained as she vaguely gestured around the room.

“Wondering why Buck had a book in his hand, but now it all makes sense,” Eddie teased like Buck wasn’t known to spend a significant portion of his down time reading or researching whatever his brain was hyper fixated on at the time.

“Eddie, what would you say Ana’s love language is?” Buck questioned the older man, turning the attention to Eddie and away from himself.

“Ana who?” Hen called over, immediately biting on the bait Buck dangled for everyone.

“Traitor,” Eddie murmured at Buck.

“Wait, are you dating someone?” Hen exclaimed.

“Baby’s not here yet,” Chim announced, closing his book and dropping it on the table. “Who’s Ana?”

Eddie sighed as he gave in. “She was Christopher’s old teacher last year. Bumped into her at the billboard call this morning, and… hadn’t seen her in a while, and I guess she’s got a new job,” he faltered through explaining to the group.

“Wait,” Hen interrupted, “is this the teacher that you yelled at?” Buck was glad someone brought that up. He didn’t earlier because he was afraid that he would sound petty, but that whole situation still pissed him off. Not even that Chris fell, but that literally no teachers were paying attention, including Ana, because they were too busy gossiping.

“And I apologized for that,” Eddie reminded her.

And then she made comments that barely toed the line of ableism, Buck kept to himself. Ever since the two men had talked over Eddie keeping the extent of Chris’ nightmares about the tsunami from Buck, there was never anything about Christopher that was off limits for the two to discuss.

“But you still didn’t ask her out?” Chimney confirmed.

And thank God for that.

“She’s Christopher’s teacher,” Eddie insisted.

“Thought you said she had a new job,” Bobby observed, finally adding in his two cents.

Luckily the bell went off before the conversation could be taken any farther. Buck really hadn’t thought bringing Ana up as a topic through. Talking about her was quickly becoming a source of anxiety, especially in relation to her and Eddie being in a relationship. There was nothing like a good call to take his mind off of it though. Which is exactly what he got between the garage full of fireworks and the firefighter-wanna-be who stole their truck. Buck was so ready to get off shift and go out to breakfast with Eddie.

He was just about to walk out of the station with Hen and Chimney to wait for Eddie by their cars when Bobby stopped them.

“Hey, I know you guys are ready to get out of here, but I’d like to buy you breakfast,” he offered.

“You ever get to the point where you haven’t eaten in so long, you stop being hungry?” Buck retorted, earning himself some confused looks. “Yeah, no, me neither. Still hungry. But I already have plans with Eddie,” he apologized, nodding his head at the man still in his uniform, listening to them talk.

“Shit, sorry Buck,” Eddie blurted out. “I, uh, I made some plans. Can I get a raincheck?”

“Um, yeah, sure,” Buck stammered. “I can come over tonight?” he offered instead. “We can talk after Christopher goes to bed?”

“Definitely!” Eddie exclaimed. “Thank you so much, man! And I’m so sorry for forgetting about breakfast!”

“It’s ok,” Buck reassured his best friend as the man raced off to the locker rooms.

“Wonder what’s up with him,” Hen hummed.

“I have no clue,” Buck grumbled.

After breakfast, Buck checked in with Adriana and then took a nap. If he was going to be spending time with his Diaz boys then he was going to need his rest. When he got up he dove into looking at houses. His ideal house was three to four bedrooms, at least two full bathrooms, and of course all on a single floor. Ideally he wanted a fixer upper, because then he would be able to bring the downpayment down and spend more money on the renovations. Of course, he still needed to talk to his bank about a mortgage.

Before he knew it, Buck was wrapping up a truly depressing house hunt and heading to the grocery store so he could pick up ingredients to make his boys dinner. When he passed the baby aisle, it hit him that this time next year, he wouldn’t just be making dinner for his Diazes, but for his little baby. They would be just about the age to start exploring “solid” foods and that was going to be so fun to figure out!

Buck needed something simple after the shift from the day before, so he decided to make a beef stir fry for the three of them. Most of the work would be in the prep, cutting the meat and veggies to throw in the pot. Buck figured he could set Eddie up with some of that. Even Eddie couldn’t mess that up. Buck rounded his purchases out by picking up a six pack for the two of them to have over dinner and while they had their conversation.

The closer he got to South Bedford Street, the more excited he got. They had been out of quarantine for a couple of months now, but he was still enjoying all of the time with Chris that he could get. Spending time with Eddie was fun too. Plus, he was incredibly excited to be able to tell someone about his baby and have them share in his excitement! He was having a baby! He was going to be a dad.

When Buck got to the Diaz house, he looped his reusable shopping bag over his arm, grabbed the six pack, and fiddled with his keys to find the right one to unlock the door. Eddie was a little paranoid about someone just walking into his house, so he kept it locked even while he was home during the day. Buck barely made it in the door before an excited Christopher tried to attach himself to Buck.

“Hey, Superman!” Buck greeted the little boy. “Let me go put the groceries down and I’ll give you a hug.”

“I got them!” Eddie called as he jogged over to take them into the kitchen.

“In that case…” Buck trailed off before suddenly picking Christopher up and slinging the child over his shoulder to spin around with him. “Ready to help me make dinner, Superman?”

“Yeah!” Chris cheered.

“Well then, we better get in the kitchen before Dad decides to start dinner instead of us!” Buck insisted.

“I heard that, Buckley!” Eddie called back.

Buck just laughed and carried Christopher into the kitchen, crutches and all. What followed was Buck’s favorite way to end the night. Just him and the Diaz boys cooking and joking in the kitchen.

Over dinner, Buck and Eddie shared the child friendly version of their shift with Chris and in return the little boy told the adults all about how his math teacher’s cat kept sitting in front of the camera and meowing.

Once Christopher was tucked up in bed, Buck and Eddie grabbed their second beers each from the fridge and made their way to the couch.

“I’m sorry again for blowing off breakfast,” Eddie started the conversation.

“Let me guess, you had breakfast with Ana Flores?” he questioned.

“Yeah…” Eddie sighed. “It was… nice.”

“I’m happy for you, Eds,” Buck told him, clapping the brunette on the shoulder. And Buck was genuinely happy for his best friend. He was unspeakably sad for himself though. He was most definitely not thinking about that outside of therapy. “Just don’t blow me off last minute like that again. Because if you were serious about helping me with my baby, then I’m going to be relying on you. Especially when he or she comes in about six months.”

Eddie’s eyes widened and one of the widest smiles Buck had ever seen on the Latino took over his face.

“Congrats man! So, twelve weeks?”

“Thirteen weeks and two days. My surrogate’s twelve week scan got postponed to yesterday. She sent me a video of the scan and she’s gonna send me physical copies in the mail,” Buck explained as he pulled his phone out of his pocket to show Eddie.

As the two of them sat on the couch, listening to the heartbeat of Buck’s baby, Christopher sleeping peacefully down the hall, the blond decided that the only way to make it more perfect would be when his baby was in his arms.

Chapter Eight

Buck had no clue what he was doing on a date. Well, he knew why he went on the date, but he wasn’t sure why he didn’t leave when it became clear that the woman sitting across from him didn’t seem to like him at all.

Buck was lost on what to even talk about with her. His last two serious partners he met through his job so he often talked about calls. He met Veronica on a dating app. His profile included that he was a firefighter, so he decided to go with what he knew. In the end, this turned out to be a mistake.

“Welcome to dating in LA,” Buck chuckled nervously, lifting his glass in her direction.

“Not sure I wanna toast another woman’s total humiliation,” Veronica responded without even looking him in the eye.

Buck could see why Veronica would take his story about a call where a first date had gotten a little embarrassing that way, but he wasn’t trying to humiliate anyone and that wasn’t what he was toasting.

“That’s not what I was toasting,” Buck clarified, putting his wine back down on the table.

“Then what were you toasting?” Veronica questioned, still not even vaguely looking in his direction while she talked.

“I was toasting your move. At a very inopportune time,” he admitted. Man, he really was rusty when it came to dating. “But hey, if it’s any consolation, I think they kept on dating.”

“It’s not,” she told him with a mildly disgusted look.

“Ok, I know why I’m sitting at this table,” Buck all but snapped, “but why are you?”

“What do you mean?” Veronica asked him her own question dryly.

“I’m here because my therapist suggested online dating as a way to narrow down what I’m looking for in a partner,” he explained. “My last two relationships I met through my job and before that they always had an end date because I was traveling. Why are you here though?”

“Because I don’t know anyone here yet and all of my coworkers are stupid,” she finally answered him with a roll of her eyes. “If you humiliated other women while on your dates I can see why they ended it.”

“Actually, both of my exes found my stories interesting and didn’t jump to conclusions about why I told them. I think it’s time to get the check,” Buck conceded. “We’re clearly not what each other is looking for, even for the length of a single dinner.”

“So much for your therapy homework,” Veronica muttered.

“I’d say in terms of my therapy homework this date was a success,” Buck countered as he signaled the waiter and put his mask back on. “I’m making some big changes to my life right now. I’ve been on a handful of dates in the last few weeks and the biggest thing I’ve learned is that I’m not ready for anything serious. And when I am, someone who can at least admit she’s not into this instead of being passive aggressive will be the most basic requirement.”

Veronica was quiet after that, but Buck could tell she wasn’t pleased. Still, he was a gentleman and picked up the check before taking the majority of his meal to go.

“How’d it go?” Albert asked him when he got home.

“It was a nightmare!” Buck moaned. “Remind me to delete that dating app off my phone.”

“There is cake!” Albert enthused, easily distracted from the conversation when Buck threw his leftovers and the desert he got to go on the island. “You got a fork?”

“No,” Buck firmly told his temporary roommate. “Are you even listening to me?”

“Yeah,” Albert assured him. “I’ll listen even better when I’m eating this chocolate cheesecake. Fork please.”

Buck scoffed and came to a decision to move up his house search. Adriana was sixteen weeks pregnant and therefore almost at the halfway point of her pregnancy. Buck was running out of time to find a place and make sure that it was ready to bring his baby home.

“Oh, man, this trash smells awful,” Buck complained after giving Albert his fork. He hoped the younger man would take the hint, but it seemed Albert was allergic to helping with chores.

Considering, “Woah. Your turn to take it out,” was Albert’s response.

“Great,” Buck complained as he pulled out the bag that wasn’t even halfway filled yet. Considering Buck had barely been in his own apartment in two days, he knew he had nothing to do with whatever was causing that smell. Still, taking it out would get him away from Albert trying to give him dating advice. Only to turn right back around when he ran into Veronica in the hall.

“We have to move,” Buck told Albert when he asked what was wrong.

He was so grateful to have a chance to talk about the whole situation with Eddie on their next shift. Turkey hunting didn’t take too much attention.

“This whole Veronica situation is just another reason why I need to move ASAP,” Buck explained to his best friend when they returned to the station and began restocking the truck.

“I thought you said you weren’t having much luck on the house front?” Eddie inquired.

“Yeah, the pandemic has not made finding a new place to live easy,” Buck explained. “I’ve been looking online, but since I’m looking for a serious fixer upper, I’m not having much luck. No one wants to show just how much work a place needs online.”

“So what’s plan B?”

“I finally gave in and called a realtor,” Buck admitted. “I have enough money for a decent down payment, but the more work that needs to be done, the lower the cost of the house itself, which means a lower down payment and I can get a bigger place.”

“But the reason that people buy houses that don’t need a lot of work is usually because they don’t know how to do the work,” Eddie reminded him. “Do you even know how to renovate a house?”

Buck knew that Eddie was judging him a little, but he wasn’t bothered at all.

“You forget just how many jobs I’ve had,” Buck countered. “And how many places I’ve been. What is one thing that every city has going on constantly?”

“Construction,” Eddie sighed with a roll of his eyes. But he also gave a nod of the head to Buck as he admitted defeat.

“I can lay flooring and put up drywall and insulation. I don’t trust my electrical or plumbing skills, which is why I asked Michael if he knew anyone and he told me to just let him know when I found a place.”

“Flooring? Drywall? Exactly how much work do you think this hypothetical house will need?” Eddie sputtered.

“I’m up for anything and everything,” Buck explained as he finished checking off that everything was correctly stocked up. “Baby Guava isn’t due for almost five more months so if I can find a place soon, I’ll have plenty of time to get it ready. And, I’ll have you to help me.”

“Oh, I’m going to help you, am I?” Eddie questioned the blonde sarcastically.

“Don’t think I forgot that you used to help your Uncle Stefan during summer break when you were a teenager,” Buck countered.

“Damnit,” Eddie muttered. “And what’s with Baby Guava?”

“I got tired of calling them my baby, or the baby, or just them. At this point Baby Guava is about the size of a guava and my surrogate has been craving them for the last couple of weeks. She thinks it’s a craving that’s going to stick around,” Buck explained after looking around to see if there was anyone who could overhear.

“Can I ask you something?” Eddie hedged.

“Always,” Buck insisted.

“Why do you always call her your surrogate or Baby Mama? I thought the agency told you her name before you guys even went through with the insemination?”

“I had a couple meetings with her over video chat before we even signed the contract,” Buck conceded. “But her family doesn’t know that she decided to be a surrogate and she doesn’t want them to know yet. The pandemic gave her the best excuse to avoid them. But she asked me not to tell anyone her name or where she lives so they aren’t tempted to try to find her on social media.”

“Seriously?” Eddie asked in disbelief.

“Yep. Apparently her brother is dating someone new and told their sister. Who then looked the woman up on Facebook since she had a name, location, and job. Baby Mama doesn’t want anyone reaching out to her from my side for any reason in case it gets back to her family.”

“And does she know you call her Baby Mama instead? Because I thought the whole point of this is that she isn’t Baby Guava’s mom in any way?”

“That was actually her idea!” Buck laughed. “She insisted that I needed to call her something. She feels zero maternal emotions when it comes to Baby Guava so we’re all good.”

“I guess as long as she doesn’t get attached, it’s all good.”

“All good indeed.”

The weeks that followed were a major up and down for Buck. First, he found out that Albert and Veronica were dating. A major down because Buck had zero desire to have anything to do with her. Bobby and Michael dragged David into their shenanigans. Up for the entertaining factor.

Eddie judged his storytelling abilities, which kind of made him doubt that he would be a good father. Another down.

But then Eddie fucked up with telling Christopher that he was dating Ana and the little boy decided to catch an Uber to Buck’s loft, which made Buck feel a whole lot better about his parenting abilities. Another up. He also ran into Taylor again. Which turned out to be a major up because Buck got himself a new friend. He told her that he wasn’t looking for a relationship and she accepted that. She also agreed to be his backup on a double date with Albert and Veronica. And best of all, Buck found a house and the station and all of their loved ones got vaccinated!

“What are we doing here Buck? Did you not get enough of this neighborhood with the guy on the roof?” Eddie questioned Buck after the blond managed to pull him away from Ana.

“Haha,” Buck said sarcastically. “Make your jokes, but other than meeting Taylor again, I think I found the perfect house, so I’d say that call was pretty good for me.”

The look on Eddie’s face was one that Buck was quickly becoming more familiar with. It was the one that meant Eddie was judging Buck for being friends with Taylor.

“Don’t even start,” Buck warned. “I thought we had an agreement. I don’t tell you how I feel about introducing Christopher to Ana already, much less in a pandemic, and you don’t tell me how you feel about Taylor.”

Eddie just held his hands up in defeat. “You’re right. My lips are sealed. Now, what’s this about a house?”

“When we were stuck here last week I saw this place for sale,” Buck explained as he led Eddie away from where their cars were parked and up the pathway to the house. “They were having a socially distanced open house. I talked to the realtor and she called my realtor to arrange a private viewing. It’s perfect!”

“Perfect, huh?” Eddie asked with a small grin. A grin that instantly fell when Buck opened the door. “Um, Buck, I know you said that you were looking for a place that needs a little work, but this place? I think it needs more than a little work.”

That was an understatement. The floors only had basic boards. The walls were see through in most places, nothing more than the support beams. As Eddie walked through he could see that it at least looked like the house had been recently re-wired and the plumbing updated.

“Yeah, it’s a little more work than I was originally looking for,” Buck conceded. “But the electrical and plumbing were updated less than a year ago. The owners decided to tear the interior out and start over. But it’s been on the market since before the pandemic. It was too much work and they had a family emergency, so they decided to sell.”

“You sure about this though? I mean, look at this place!”

“OK, forget about all of this. Imagine what it could be!” Buck insisted. “They extended the house and finished the exterior. It’s three bedrooms, two and a half baths, an office across from the master bedroom that’s perfect for a nursery! All on one floor with a small attic for storage. Utilities in the attached garage,” Buck did his best to sell Eddie.

The Latino had to admit that the house met all of Buck’s musts. The bare bones were there and as long as Michael’s guy approved of the electrical and plumbing then the rest was largely cosmetic. And it was all work that Eddie and Buck both knew how to do.

“Did they take all of this into account with the asking price?” Eddie asked as he gestured wildly around them.

“They did. And the owners are desperate to just get rid of the place so they dropped the asking price even lower! Way below my original budget!” Buck enthused, happy to see that Eddie was starting to see what Buck saw.

“Let me guess, you already put in an offer?” Eddie groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose like he was fighting off a headache.

“And it was accepted almost instantly,” the younger man admitted. “Like I said, the owners were desperate to sell and I was the only offer they’ve had since before the lockdown.”

Eddie just sighed before throwing his hands up and turning to fully face his friend. “You owe me! I expect all of my drinks covered when everything opens up again and you better make me Baby Guava’s godfather!”

“YES!!” Buck yelled before grabbing Eddie in a bear hug and lifting him off the ground.

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