Reading Time: 111 Minutes

Title: It’s The Way You Say My Name
Series: Like Stars Aligned
Series Order: 2
Author: Bythia
Fandom: 9-1-1
Genre: Contemporary, Romance, Slash
Relationship(s): Evan Buckley/Tommy Kinard
Content Rating: PG-13
Warnings: *No Mandatory Warnings Apply. character bashing, not Chimney friendly, discussion of canon content: sexual assault (Dr. Wells), brief discussion of homophobia and related hate crimes
Author Note: The whole backstory of Tommy knowing Abby and even being engaged to her for some time does not exist in this story. They don’t know each other. SERIES NOTE: This series has been a little different to what I did in the past. In some places, the two stories are running parallel, with scenes referred in one story that are happening in the other story. But I think with the help of the wonderful starlitenite I managed to create two stories that can be read separately or even just as a stand alone if one or the other isn’t your cup of tea.
Beta: starlitenite
Alpha: FaerlyGraceful
Word Count: 52,644
Summary: Buck came to LA following the promises of a TV show about finding true camaraderie and friendship by becoming a firefighter. Despite his life so far teaching him differently, he finds exactly that — surprisingly, especially in Hen’s wife Karen, who is a steady rock at his side when life keeps throwing rocks at him. And who introduces him to a friend who might change his life in many ways he’d have never anticipated.
Artist: penumbria
Artist Appreciation: I love the art you created for my stories. I have gone back to look at it pretty often over the past couple of weeks, just to feel a little bit better about life.

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Chapter 01

Tommy didn’t have a lot to complain about concerning his move from the 118 to the 217. Getting to fly much more regularly again was great, even if most of the time it was training flights so far because he was still considered probationary in his position as a pilot for the LAFD. The pay raise was great, of course.

The increase in paperwork on the other hand was horrendous. With every flight came a ton of paperwork, and depending on how busy the shift was, he often didn’t manage to finish that paperwork during the shift. And too many parts of that paperwork weren’t digital yet, so somehow Tommy had found himself at LAFD headquarters far too often on his days off lately.

Tommy had found an upside to that, though. Whenever he had to drop by headquarters, he brought coffee for at least one of the people working here whom he tried to keep in friendly contact with. The years-long fight of parts of the 118 to get rid of Gerrard had taught Tommy the advantage of knowing people in the right places.

What he hadn’t expected today was to run into a friend who was only connected to the LAFD through her wife.

Tommy stopped in his tracks and stared at her for a moment in shock. “Karen?”

Karen looked up and chuckled, “Looks like the universe is trying to tell us something. We don’t manage to get together for our usual wine nights three weeks in a row and we promptly start running into each other all the time.”

“Is Hen in any kind of trouble?” Tommy asked worriedly, too distracted by wondering about why Karen was here to react to her teasing.

“Oh!” Karen shook her head hurriedly. “No one is in trouble! Hen’s new probie witnessed something that needed to be reported and asked me to be here for moral support.”

Tommy sat down beside her, his worry still not quite calmed down. “Why would he ask you?”

Karen shrugged. “Hen invited him and Bobby over to lunch to work through that plane crash thing together, and I guess Buck just liked me. Or maybe it was easier to ask someone he doesn’t directly work with.”

Tommy hummed and nodded. He had flown several of the victims to hospitals that night, and even just seeing the carnage from the helicopter had given him nightmares. He had noticed the 118’s ladder truck and engine at the scene and known his friends were somewhere in the water trying to rescue more people, but there hadn’t been enough time for him to really worry about them. He had checked in with Hen in the morning though to make sure none of them had been hurt.

Before he could ask anything more, Karen jumped out of her seat and hurried to a young man coming down the hall. He looked gaunt and dejected, so clearly whatever conversation he’d had hadn’t gone great.

“Hey, how did it go?” Karen asked softly, but just loud enough for Tommy to hear from his position.

The man stared at her with a strangely empty look in his eyes. “This was a bad idea from the start. I should’ve just kept my mouth shut.”

Tommy winced. No one should ever come out of a conversation with Professional Standards about something they had witnessed with that kind of mindset, but Tommy could remember feeling just the same.

Karen put a hand on the man’s arm, probably trying to give him some comfort. “What? That’s not … That’s bullshit, Buck!“

Buck inhaled deeply. He sounded bitter when he said, “Mr. Turner was very clear in his opinion. And pointed out that if I insisted on making so much fuss about something that only happened in my head, it would most likely lead to my probationary period ending early as I’m clearly not cut out to be a firefighter.”

Hearing the name Turner made Tommy freeze, and then he was overcome with boiling hot anger. He had to take a deep breath and pressed his fists against his thighs painfully to calm that anger. It wasn’t directed at Karen’s friend, but Tommy suspected he would assume it was if he saw it.

“Excuse me,” Tommy said softly as he walked over to Karen and her friend. “You’re with the 118, right?”

Buck flinched a little as he turned to Tommy. “And you are?”

“Oh,” Karen sighed. “Buck, this is Tommy Kinard. He was part of your shift until shortly before you joined.”

Recognition dawned on Buck’s face. “The pilot, right?”

Tommy chuckled, wondering who had talked about him enough that he was so recognizable. “Yeah. Went to the 217 so I could fly on the job again.”

“Tommy, this is Evan Buckley,” Karen continued with the introduction. “Hen’s new probie.”

“I’m not sure I’m Hen’s probie, exactly,” Buckley muttered, sounding confused.

Tommy cleared his throat. Hen liked to take their probies under her wing if she liked them, and Buckley wouldn’t be the first one not to notice until long after the fact.

He asked, “Your appointment was with Turner? Was he aware of what station you’re working at?”

Buckley frowned and shrugged. “Yeah. What about it?”

Tommy felt his anger rise again. “He shouldn’t have even talked to you. He’s banned from investigating anything to do with the 118. And I think your reaction to your conversation with him just proves that it’s still necessary.”

Buckley turned to Karen, hurt clearly written all over his face. “Did you tell him…?”

Tommy wet his lips, realizing his mistake just a moment too late. Whatever Buckley was here to report, it was clearly deeply personal. His whole demeanor and Karen’s carefully chosen words about why she was even here with him should’ve told Tommy that.

“No!” Karen promised softly.

“I’ve no idea why you’re here, Firefighter Buckley,” Tommy promised. “Karen is a friend and I just stopped to say hi. Would you be open to having that conversation you just had again with a person who isn’t biased against the 118 as a whole and doesn’t have a history of dismissing anyone from that station out of hand?”

Buckley’s eyes grew wide and Karen turned to Tommy. “There is someone working here who would behave like that?” she asked angrily.

Tommy shrugged. “Bringing change to an old system takes time. Turner holds a very well-known grudge against the 118. But otherwise, he usually does a good job. I know some of the people working here, Firefighter Buckley, and—”

“Evan.”

“Evan,” Tommy agreed with a smile. “I’m positive I can find someone who’ll sit down with you right now and talk with you about whatever you witnessed with a much more open mind. Do you have any preferences about who you want to talk to?”

Evan shrugged, not quite meeting Tommy’s gaze. “I don’t know anyone here.”

Tommy smiled. “Okay. Just wait here for a moment, okay? It shouldn’t take more than a couple of minutes.”

Evan nodded slowly, so Tommy turned around. He already knew who he would send after Turner for violating the very clear rules that had been set out for him. He hated that Turner’s — hopefully final — mistake had been with someone so new to the LAFD — and even worse, with someone who was clearly struggling with whatever had brought him here.

The door to Rachel’s office wasn’t completely closed, which was her sign to everyone that she was available for a conversation. Tommy knocked on the open door and stepped into the room without waiting for her answer.

Rachel laughed when she looked up from her desk. “I haven’t even finished the coffee you just brought!”

Tommy nodded and closed the door behind him. “I’m not here for another coffee. I just learned that the current probationary firefighter on the 118’s A-shift just had an appointment with Turner of all people. And from how he looked and what he said, it was a very unpleasant experience.”

Rachel blinked. “Come again? What’s the name of the firefighter?”

“Evan Buckley,” Tommy said.

He blinked when Rachel turned to her computer. The name rang a bell now that he had said it aloud, and it took a moment to remember that it was the same young man he had seen on the news giving an interview, all awkward and uncomfortable and clearly unprepared for it. Tommy remembered wondering why Bobby had allowed that interview in the first place.

Tommy watched with a worried frown as Rachel’s face drained of any color before anger overtook her whole face. She fisted her hands and exhaled slowly before shaking her head.

“Damn it,” she hissed through gritted teeth. “Is Firefighter Buckley still here?”

Tommy nodded. “That’s why I’m here. I managed to convince him to stay and give this whole thing a second chance. Though, honestly, there wasn’t much convincing involved even though he looked as if he’d rather run away.”

“I’m not surprised,” Rachel said. “Tell him I’m waiting for him. Give him my name, and if he shows any indication he won’t feel comfortable with me, send him over to Jonathan. I’ll message Jonathan just in case, so he won’t be surprised. Even ignoring that Turner talked to someone from the 118 when he shouldn’t have even so much as looked at any of them, you just pointed me to everything we need to not only fire that asshole but also take his pension.”

Tommy raised his brows, but he wouldn’t even pretend that he didn’t feel an immense amount of vindication about that. Turner had been an asshole, and one huge roadblock when they had tried to deal with Gerrard. Sadly, none of the dirt they had eventually discovered about Gerrard had stuck to Turner at all.

Rachel waved her hands in the direction of the door, shooing him away. “Go and send Mr. Buckley in. I’ll need the rest of my day to get Turner fired! You’ve made my week with this, by the way. I owe you dinner or something.”

“I’ll remind you of that!” Tommy laughed as he left her office.

He found Evan being held in a tight hug by Karen when he returned, but he hurriedly stepped away from her as soon as he heard Tommy approach. Tommy sighed, wondering again what had brought Evan here.

“Rachel Sorenson is waiting for you in room 209, Evan,” Tommy said.

Evan visibly hesitated for a moment and Tommy wondered if that was the discomfort Rachel had asked him to look out for. But before he could offer Jonathan and office 211 as an alternative, Evan nodded and walked away without a single word.

“How long has he been on the job?” Tommy asked softly, not taking his eyes off Evan until he vanished into the room nearly at the end of the hall.

“Just since September,” Karen said. “And he’s had some pretty difficult calls already.”

Tommy nodded. “He was on the news for that roller coaster incident, wasn’t he? I recognized his name when I talked with Rachel.”

“Young hot guy, and the one to climb up that roller coaster.” Karen rolled her eyes. “Hen said that someone higher up the chain of command than Bobby ‘asked’ that Buck give that interview.”

Tommy made a face. “Great. So the department is well on its way to chasing away a promising firefighter because first they use him for PR and then he runs into the biggest asshole in the place when he tries to do the right thing?”

Tommy watched Karen when she didn’t answer him. She seemed troubled and worried for her friend, so Tommy decided to sit with her until Evan returned. Somehow the conversation segued into Karen sharing her worries about Hen’s ex with him, someone Tommy had thought was long out of the picture.

Eventually, Tommy swallowed down his own discomfort to share the ridiculous turn his date with David had taken to distract her. She clearly needed that distraction, and while Tommy had been embarrassed about David’s behavior in the moment, after nearly four weeks of space he could laugh about it, even in a place where he usually didn’t talk about going out on dates with men.

***

Buck wasn’t exactly sure how he’d ended up sitting in a coffee shop not far from the LAFD headquarters with Karen and Tommy half an hour after he had left Rachel Sorenson’s office. He felt drained and tired, but he hadn’t been able to say no to Karen’s suggestion to grab coffee together.

Tommy and Karen kept an easy conversation flowing, which Buck was grateful for. They didn’t seem to care that he really didn’t add much, and they seemed to enjoy teasing each other about asshole exes of all things. He had no idea how they had landed on that topic, but it had been going on since he had found them in the waiting area near Rachel’s office.

The coffee and the sandwich Buck got with it did wonders for his mood. He was halfway through the sandwich when his phone buzzed with a text message notification. Buck couldn’t help the slight groan that escaped when he saw Abby’s name on the screen. Ever since the day he had helped her search for her mother, their conversations had changed from their previous inane and easy topics to Abby pushing for a repeat of the phone sex and then to Abby asking to meet.

“Everything alright?” Karen asked, sounding much more worried than Buck thought was warranted.

Buck shrugged. “Yeah. I told you about Abby, right?”

“The dispatcher?” Karen nodded. “I remember.”

“When we started talking, I told her I’d like to keep it to the phone. So we wouldn’t ruin what we had, right?” Buck glanced at Tommy out of the corner of his eye uncomfortably. “Guess I was right that I’d ruin it if we met.”

Karen raised her brows and shook her head. “I’m pretty sure you didn’t ruin anything. You helped her find her mother and then offered some stress relief, which she took you up on.”

“Yeah, but since then she’s been … pushing for exactly what I didn’t want with her.” Buck wished they could go back to the friendship they’d had before that day, before his stupid belief that sex would help anything had made him offer her phone sex. He had enjoyed their friendship. “She hasn’t outright asked, but she’s made it pretty clear she’d like to go on a date the day after tomorrow.”

“And you don’t want that,” Karen said.

Buck shrugged. “I want to go back to talking with her about everything and nothing over the phone. She really understood that whole situation with Devon, you know? And it was so easy to just talk with her about other things, too.”

“Have you told her that?” Karen asked. “That it’s friendship that you want?”

“Of course I have,” Buck said. “And every time she says she likes our friendship, too. Only to turn around the next moment and ask about meeting me while the nurse is looking after her mom.”

Karen smiled sadly. “Let’s hope she finally gets the memo when you don’t take her out for Valentine’s Day like she hopes.”

Buck frowned at his phone and decided to deal with Abby’s text later as he shoved it back into his pocket. “Yeah. Let’s hope so.” He really hoped that friendship wasn’t something else he had fucked up.

Buck bit his lip when he noticed that Karen and Tommy didn’t go back to the conversation his reaction had interrupted. The silence felt uncomfortable, and so after a moment he turned to Tommy to ask a question that had been bouncing around the back of his head since their first meeting earlier in LAFD headquarters, “What was that thing with Turner?”

Buck shuddered just thinking about the condescending tone of the man mocking how uncomfortable Buck felt about the whole encounter with Dr. Wells. Rachel’s reaction had been completely different, and seeing her anger when Buck had talked about his conversation with Turner had soothed something in Buck.

Tommy took a huge gulp of his coffee and Buck noticed his big hands curling around the cup tightly. Buck stared at them and then hastily dropped his gaze when he noticed his own staring.

Tommy sighed. “When I joined the LAFD, and for that matter when Howie and Hen joined, there were a lot of people working with us who were still very set in their ways and had outdated ideas about what made the ideal firefighter.”

Buck tapped his fingers against the table. It was a little strange to meet someone who kept calling Chimney ‘Howie’. “And neither Chimney nor Hen met that standard.”

“I didn’t either, but at least I had a good chance of hiding it,” Tommy said. “And at the time I was very much trapped in a mindset where I couldn’t imagine not hiding being gay, so it didn’t seem to matter much.”

“Bullshit,” Karen whispered.

Tommy looked at her with raised brows and a short smile for a moment, but then he turned his attention back to Buck. “The 118 was one of those places that held onto those ideas the longest.”

Buck frowned. “How did Hen and Chim get hired for that station then?”

Tommy lowered his gaze. “I’ve long suspected it was some kind of punishment for Gerrard in both cases. Because he did something that his friends higher up the chain of command had to cover up.”

“Gerrard?” Buck asked. He thought he remembered Hen mentioning that name when she had talked about the first captain she had worked for after joining the 118. “What did he do?”

Tommy swallowed and shook his head. “Vincent Gerrard was the captain of A-shift until Hen’s … fifth or sixth shift, I’m not exactly sure anymore. We had been trying to get rid of him for years. His behavior with Hen finally gave us the right leverage. Because some people don’t care about racism, but they do care if a woman is treated badly. Especially when the stated goal of the LAFD at the time is to significantly increase the number of female firefighters.”

Karen huffed and Buck glanced her way briefly. That sounded horrible. He had heard about things like that in the past, of course, but he didn’t think he had ever really been in an environment where he had witnessed such behavior himself.

“What does that have to do with Turner?” Buck asked.

“He was Gerrard’s friend,” Tommy said. “And claims even to this day that Gerrard was treated unfairly, judged too harshly.”

Karen scoffed in clear disdain and Tommy made a face. Buck knew he was getting only half the story here, but Tommy didn’t seem to want to tell him much more. Buck’s question from earlier wouldn’t be answered, Buck understood that very well. He would have to ask Hen about it at a later date.

“So he holds a grudge against the 118 in general, even though by now Hen and Howie are the only people still left from when Gerrard was there,” Tommy said. “Maybe especially because Hen and Howie are the only ones left. I’m really sorry you were caught up in that mess. He never should’ve gotten your case.”

“He already had it, though,” Buck said quietly. He stared at his plate and bit his lip. “I’m not the first one who’s made a complaint about…”

He exhaled slowly and threw Tommy a calculating look. He believed Karen when she had assured him earlier that she hadn’t told Tommy about why Buck had been talking to anyone in Professional Standards. The conversation he’d had with Rachel had been draining, but it had also put some things in a different perspective for him. And he had heard about Tommy from Hen and Chimney before; they both seemed to like and miss him.

“I’m not the first one who reported Dr. Wells to the department for sexual advances during therapy sessions,” Buck said quietly and Tommy inhaled sharply but didn’t say anything. “Apparently, Turner has been dismissing complaints for nearly two years. For some reason, they all ended up on his desk.”

“Threatening people’s jobs to dismiss them, from what you mentioned earlier,” Karen murmured darkly.

Buck shrugged. “Maybe, I don’t know. Rachel didn’t tell me any details. She just told me I hadn’t been the first to report it and be dismissed by Turner. She promised to reexamine every single complaint.”

“No wonder she was so convinced Turner would be out of a job soon,” Tommy said. “I’m sorry you had to go through something like that. And I’m especially sorry that Turner was such an asshole about it.”

Buck shrugged uncomfortably.

“I’m proud of you, Buck,” Karen said softly.

Buck smiled thinly. “You were right. About her needing to be reported. I … didn’t expect that there had been others.”

Karen had brought up the possibility that Dr. Wells might have had sex with other patients in the past since she had been so confident about approaching Buck. But Buck had still been convinced that it might just have been all about the reputation he had built with the 118 and that Dr. Wells had heard about it. He had brought up his suspicion that he might be addicted to sex with her, after all, and part of him still wondered if that might have sounded like an invitation to her.

“An investigation like this might take some time,” Tommy said. “So you might not hear anything for a while. Or you might be asked to come back for more questions. At some point it might be handed over to the police or maybe directly to the DA’s office, I’m not sure about the details of that process.”

Buck looked up and stared at him wide-eyed. “The police?”

“Here in California, it’s against the law for any therapist to have sexual contact of any kind with their patients, no matter if it happens during an appointment or at another time and place.” Tommy watched him carefully as if he expected Buck to jump up and flee at any moment.

For just a second Buck contemplated doing exactly that.

Tommy continued, “And if there has been any extortion involved with any of those victims, it gains a whole new dimension. I won’t be surprised if eventually criminal charges will be involved.”

Buck flinched. Dr. Wells hadn’t directly threatened his job, but somehow, he still had expected something like that from her. Rachel had very carefully asked about that perception several times, but Buck had no answer for why he was so convinced that might have been her next move if he had ever returned for another appointment with her. In the end, Rachel still seemed to have gotten the answer she had been looking for.

“Rachel didn’t say anything about that!” Buck protested.

Tommy sighed. “Maybe she thought you knew.”

Buck made a face and shook his head.

“You aren’t alone.” Karen reached for his hand and squeezed reassuringly. “The situation sucks. But whatever happens, you won’t be going through any of this alone.”

Buck smiled weakly. “Thank you.” He turned to Tommy. “And thank you for making me talk to Rachel. It sucked having to go through it a second time, especially after … being mocked about it by Turner. But I feel so much better now knowing that Dr. Wells won’t have a chance to fuck anyone else up, too.”

And Buck felt fucked up the more he thought about it. When it had happened, Buck hadn’t minded, had even enjoyed the sex itself. But at some point between her panic afterward and her email asking him to come back for another appointment, that perception had changed. Buck wished he understood any of it, but he also didn’t know who he could talk to about it. He wasn’t sure he really wanted to talk about it.

Tommy cocked his head to the side. “I know the idea of seeing another therapist is probably not very appealing right now, but I’d still recommend it. There was a reason you went to Dr. Wells that probably wasn’t dealt with, and now you’ll also have to work through that experience with her. And you’ll have to deal with whatever the investigation will bring up.”

Buck made a face and shuddered. “Yeah, I don’t think that’s an option.”

Tommy hummed.

“Suggesting therapy was how we found out about it in the first place,” Karen explained quietly. “It came up when we talked about dealing with the plane crash.”

Buck lowered his head as he felt himself blush. No matter how much Karen, Hen, or Bobby told him that there was nothing he had to be ashamed of, he felt deeply uncomfortable about the way he had blurted that out and how shocked they all had been about it.

“There are therapists who offer virtual appointments,” Tommy said.

Buck bit his lip.

“That sounds like a great idea,” Karen said.

“You really think it’s necessary?” Buck asked.

“Therapy is a tool to help us,” Karen said. “It’s helped me in the past with different things.”

Buck ran his tongue over his lips. Karen had told him that already, more than once even. But surely that didn’t mean it was the same for everyone.

“It helped me, too,” Tommy agreed. “At least once I found someone I felt comfortable with. The Army sent me to a guy who I knew I couldn’t be honest with, so that time wasn’t helpful.”

Buck frowned. “Why?”

Tommy shrugged. “DADT, mostly. Half of the things I was struggling with had a lot to do with not being honest even with myself. The other half didn’t, but opening up about those still felt like starting down a slippery slope to revealing things I couldn’t. The last thing I wanted was a dishonorable discharge. So I got a medical discharge instead because I wouldn’t talk to him.”

Buck flinched. “Sucks.”

Tommy hummed. “The LAFD sent me to another one eventually. Didn’t trust him either. But he got me in contact with some colleagues because he recognized the problem, and once I found someone who I felt comfortable enough with the trust came later.”

Buck chewed on his lip. “I’ll think about it.”

“That’s good,” Karen said and patted his hand she was still holding onto.

Buck shook his head and grabbed the rest of his sandwich. He needed a change of topic. “So, you were already at the 118 when Hen and Chimney joined, right?”

Tommy grinned. “Yeah.”

“I need stories about their probie time! Because I need some ammunition about them teasing me about my mistakes!”

“What kind of mistakes?” Tommy asked amused.

Buck glared at him.

“A story for a story,” Tommy said. “Also, Tanika came into the station as our probie, too.”

“I heard something about someone saying the q-word four weeks into the job,” Karen said, laughing.

Buck huffed. “I didn’t know!”

Tommy chuckled. “What happened?”

“I said it about the dishwasher!” Buck protested. “Not about the shift or anything! I still stand by the fact that I did not cause the chaos that followed!”

“Of course not.” Tommy grinned widely. “That’s what they all say. My offer stands. A story for a story.”

“Each call from that day counts as its own story!” Buck bargained.

Tommy laughed. “Deal.”

 

Chapter 02

The day after his very unpleasant meetings at LAFD headquarters, Buck was back at work again and was barely able to concentrate on anything whenever they weren’t on a call. He hadn’t ever thought much about the 118 of the past. There had been some talk here and there about people the others had worked with before Buck had been there, but the things Tommy had mentioned the day before hadn’t ever come up.

Buck had tried to find out more about it by doing a deep dive into the recent history of the LAFD. The thing was that Buck hadn’t found much of any information about the name Tommy had mentioned, so his curiosity wasn’t satisfied at all. On the contrary, he was even more curious now since he had expected to find some news reports, at least about any kind of scandal concerning the behavior Tommy had described.

He wanted to ask Hen about it, but he didn’t know how to broach the topic. It seemed kind of intrusive to just ask about it out of the blue. And so he waited and waited and watched Hen, but there just didn’t seem to be a good opportunity to bring up any of his questions.

After dinner Hen was loading the dishwasher while Buck put away the rest of the food when Hen finally asked, “Are you going to share what’s on your mind any time soon?”

Buck cleared his throat and ducked his head. “That obvious?”

“Pretty obvious,” Hen said. “Is this about your appointment with PS yesterday?”

Buck bit his lip. “Karen didn’t tell you anything about it?”

Hen turned to Buck and stared at him pointedly. “Karen wouldn’t betray your confidence like that, Buck. Not even with me. She’s a bit of a mother hen, but you’ve probably already noticed that.”

Buck chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. “A little bit, yeah.”

“She thrives on taking care of people,” Hen said. “But you also have to stand up to her if she gets overbearing. She’ll back off without protest, but you have to tell her if that’s what you need.”

“I’ll remember that if it becomes necessary,” Buck promised.

“So, do you want to talk about what happened yesterday?”

Buck glanced around, looking for anyone else nearby. They were alone in the loft, though, which was no surprise. Somehow everyone seemed to avoid helping out in the kitchen whenever they could. That was something Buck had noticed right away during his first week here, and he felt it had only gotten worse since then.

“The first guy I talked to was very dismissive and … yeah, it was not a good experience.”

Hen lowered her gaze and leaned against the counter, gripping the edge tightly. “What does that mean?”

“He told me I didn’t look like the kind of guy who couldn’t deal with the attention of a beautiful woman,” Buck said slowly. “Told me if I really hadn’t wanted it my dick wouldn’t have worked.”

Hen raised her brows.

“Those were his exact words,” Buck said.

“What an asshole,” Hen hissed.

“An asshole with a huge amount of hate for the 118 specifically, apparently,” Buck said. “When I came out of that meeting, with a very thorough warning that following through with a complaint about something that had only happened in my head meant I wouldn’t make it through my probationary year, I found Karen with your friend Tommy Kinard. And when he heard that I had talked to Turner he nearly lost it.”

Hen shook her head with a frown. “I don’t know that name.”

“Tommy said Turner was friends with someone called Gerrard.”

Hen flinched and Buck bit his lip. Maybe he shouldn’t ask about that guy after all, shouldn’t poke at old wounds just because he was curious.

So instead of asking about Gerrard, Buck said, “Tommy convinced me to talk to someone else. And she took what I had to say seriously.” He sighed. “Apparently, I’m not the first one to complain about Dr. Wells and be ignored by Turner. I have no idea what’s going on there now, but I got the feeling there’ll be a lot going on now.”

“How do you feel about that?” Hen asked.

Buck shrugged and turned to organizing the fridge, both to give his hands something to do and so he wouldn’t have to look at Hen. “Tommy mentioned I might have to talk about it again with the police. I hate it.”

Hen sighed. “I’m proud of you for going in and talking about it a second time yesterday.”

Buck rolled his eyes. “Yes, Karen said the same.”

He still didn’t feel like there was anything to be proud of. If Buck had done what he should’ve in the first place — not letting Dr. Wells climb into his lap — none of this would’ve been necessary. As much as Buck tried to ignore it, some of Turner’s words kept rattling around in his head, making him wonder if it weren’t his friends who’d overreacted.

“I’d really like not to talk about this at the moment,” Buck muttered.

“Of course,” Hen said softly. “Want to talk about what’s been distracting you all day, then?”

“Isn’t the thing I don’t want to talk about anymore more than enough to distract me?” Buck asked.

“Maybe. But I have a feeling it’s something else.”

Buck bit his lip. He put away the last of the leftover food and closed the door of the fridge. Then he turned to Hen and watched her warily. “I might have an inappropriate question.”

Hen frowned. “Really? What kind of inappropriate?”

“Tommy mentioned this Gerrard guy was a pretty huge asshole,” Buck said hesitantly. “Even more than Turner.”

Hen sighed deeply. “That’s an understatement. Though, I really don’t know much about him personally. When I came here for my sixth shift I was expecting to get fired. Instead, Gerrard was fired and we had a new Captain.”

“That’s still five shifts too many to work for someone who couldn’t see your worth,” Buck murmured.

Hen grinned. “Thank you. It certainly was an experience.”

“What do you know?” Buck asked. “Tommy mentioned they had tried for years to get rid of Gerrard but that it wasn’t until he mistreated you that someone finally listened to their complaints.”

Hen bit her lip and looked around. “Let’s sit down, okay? I’ll tell you what I know, but it really isn’t much. The LAFD managed to keep it under wraps, and the only reason I know as much as I do is because Tommy, Sal, and Chimney invited me when they went out to celebrate the whole thing about a year after I joined the LAFD.”

Buck frowned, confused by the timeline. “Yeah, I tried to find out anything about the guy and wasn’t very successful.”

Hen hummed and led Buck to the couches on the other side of the loft. She gestured for Buck to sit down and then chose the place right beside him.

“When I came here for my first shift, the first thing I noticed was that the dynamic of the whole shift was … strange and wrought with tension,” Hen said with a deep sigh. “Tommy, Sal, and Chimney were the first ones I saw. They were standing up here at the loft and saw me come in. And for a tiny moment, they all seemed to be excited. Until Gerrard joined them and practically put himself physically between them and me. It was a very clear message for everyone.”

Buck made a face. He could very well imagine that situation, though his own arrival at the 118 had been a warm welcome from everyone. It had eased his nervousness immensely, but he had worked in places where such a clear barrier existed from his very first day on. He hadn’t stayed long at those places, had never felt any interest in trying to break through the barrier. His parents had taught him the lesson about not staying where he wasn’t wanted, and Buck had always known the world was big enough that eventually somewhere he would find a place where he could settle. By now he was pretty convinced the 118 would be exactly that.

Hen continued, “There was a lot going on in the background I wasn’t aware of until much later. All I saw was these guys shutting down as soon as their Captain appeared, which was all I needed to know about Gerrard — even before he called me an affirmative action hire and told me how the academy had wasted money on my education.”

“I’d like to kick that guy in the ass,” Buck muttered darkly.

Hen laughed. “Others did that for you in a way. It took me some time after Gerrard was gone to understand that though. Chimney tried to build a bridge for me during my first shifts, but he didn’t exactly go about it in a good way. The last thing I wanted to hear was that I’d get used to Gerrard eventually.”

Buck blinked. “That doesn’t sound like Chimney.”

Hen hummed. “I think he’d choose a different approach today. But he’d stayed here for three years out of pure stubbornness and spite by that point, so looking back I’m not surprised that was his advice at the time. I didn’t appreciate it, though.”

“Yeah, I can’t see you taking that kind of advice well at all,” Buck said with a grin.

“Anyway,” Hen said, poking Buck’s side with her elbow. “Unbeknownst to me, people were filing complaints about every hateful or dismissive thing Gerrard said or did aimed at me. They’d been doing that with every slight against Chimney, too. And because of probably mostly political reasons the brass finally acted on it. And pretty fast.”

Buck huffed. He did remember how Hen had told him something about that a while ago. “Did you get a better captain after that at least?”

“We did,” Hen said. “Though there was a lot of clean up to do here. There was a lot of turnover and at least half the shift transferred over the following year or so. Gerrard had gathered plenty of like-minded people around him.”

“Seems like they always do,” Buck said.

“Only way for them to get some validation!” Hen sighed deeply. “You asked about what I knew about Gerrard beyond those five shifts I had to work with him.”

Buck nodded.

“A year after he was fired, Gerrard pled guilty to three charges of negligent homicide,” Hen said quietly, casting another wary look through the loft. “They could prove that he had caused the deaths of three firefighters while on the job, but Tommy said there might have been more. One of the deaths he was convicted of was a friend of Tommy’s. The man who trained him after he joined the 118 as a probie.”

Buck stared at her open-mouthed. He had no idea what he could or should say to that.

“You can probably imagine why the LAFD didn’t want to have too much attention on that case,” Hen whispered. “Especially as Tommy’s friend was killed just before Chimney came to the 118. Three years before Gerrard was fired and then arrested. Tommy said there was proof of his actions that someone in the LAFD had buried.”

“And Tommy stayed?” Buck asked. “After that kind of betrayal?”

Hen shrugged. “I can’t speak to that at all. I was here supporting them as good as I could during the investigation. But there was only this one time we talked about the details when we celebrating Gerrard entering that plea deal. I’m sure I’m missing most of the story. Gerrard was a dark chapter for the LAFD — for his general attitude that was pretty common as much as for what he did all on his own.”

“I’m glad you didn’t have to work with him for long,” Buck murmured. “And I’m glad Chimney got through three years having to work with him.”

Hen nodded. “I’m glad, too, that everyone I call a friend today from those old days here survived working under Gerrard for as long as they did. Especially as I know that some of them risked a lot trying to find leverage against Gerrard.”

“I don’t understand how he can be a convicted killer and there can still be people in the department calling themselves his friends,” Buck said darkly. “And holding a grudge against our station for what? Not putting up with that attitude?”

“There are a lot of people still working for the LAFD, both in the administration and as active firefighters, who think that I as a woman shouldn’t be on the job. And it only gets worse when they see I’m Black or learn that I’m a lesbian.”

Buck frowned. “That’s all bullshit.”

“But sadly, we are so far away from everyone thinking that,” Hen said, chuckling sadly. “We’ve been fighting against this mindset for centuries, Buck. Things won’t get perfect overnight. Or even over the next couple of decades.”

Buck shook his head. He knew that, of course, but that didn’t mean he didn’t believe it should just be common sense to do better, to be better.

“People like Gerrard and Turner are comfortable in the position they’ve … most of the time been given by the virtue of being a straight White male,” Hen continued. “But deep down they also know they haven’t earned that place, so naturally they see everyone else as a threat to it.”

Buck huffed and rolled his eyes. “Rachel — that’s who Tommy had me talk to about Dr. Wells for a second time — seemed pretty excited that Turner wouldn’t be able to keep his job now that they could prove he had been dismissing serious complaints for a while.”

Hen made a face and watched Buck intently. “Shouldn’t she have been more concerned with helping you and talking about your complaint?”

“She was,” Buck said. “But at one point she also apologized for Turner’s behavior and for my appointment ever being scheduled with him. That’s when she mentioned that something good would come out of it at least.”

Hen huffed. “It shouldn’t have happened in the first place. They should’ve found a way to remove him years ago!”

Buck grinned and bumped his shoulder against hers. “Come on, you said it yourself earlier, it takes time for things to change. This is just one more change that’s going to finally happen now.”

***

Tommy tried to be not too obvious about watching Evan as he abandoned his task of cleaning the 133’s ladder truck to answer his ringing phone. Cleaning the rigs was the kind of task often assigned to people covering a shift at another station because it was the same everywhere. Everything else might be just different enough given the layouts of the various stations that floaters could ending up causing more chaos than help.

When Tommy had gotten the call earlier asking if he could cover for someone at the 133 who had called in sick just that morning, he hadn’t been sure if it was the right choice when he had said yes. But then he had arrived at the 133 and discovered that there were three other people taking on an extra shift because the station was dealing with planned leaves overlapping with an accident and illness all at once. And one of those other floaters was the probie Karen had introduced to Tommy just a few days ago.

Tommy had enjoyed the two hours he had spent with Karen and Evan on Monday, at least after their conversation had shifted away from the situation at headquarters Tommy had stumbled into when he had stopped to talk with Karen. He didn’t know much about it, but he was furious about the little he had learned. Tommy hoped that going forward the department wouldn’t let Evan down again like Turner had done just because he couldn’t get over the fact one of his friends had been caught red-handed and got the punishment he deserved.

When Evan returned to the ladder truck, he wore a deep frown on his face and was glaring at his phone.

“Everything alright?” Tommy asked.

Evan looked up startled as if he hadn’t expected someone else to be there at all. “I … yeah. Sorry, I’m a little paranoid about missing calls.”

Tommy hummed. “Was that the friend who expected a Valentine’s Day date from you?”

Evan stared at him uncomprehendingly for a moment. Then he rolled his eyes. “Yeah, it was Abby.”

“Did you cave and give her that date?”

“No.” Evan shoved his phone into his pocket and leaned against the ladder truck with his arms crossed. “I don’t want that kind of thing with her. I just want to be her friend.”

“You mentioned you had ruined that friendship somehow,” Tommy said, hesitating a little over poking too much.

Evan just stared at him.

Tommy sighed. “Sorry, I’m not trying to be nosy. But if you want to talk about it, I can listen. And try to give advice, though I might not be the best person for that part.”

“Why?” Evan asked.

“Why I’d listen?”

Evan shook his head. “Why wouldn’t you be the best person to give advice?”

Tommy shrugged and turned back to the compartments he was in the process of restocking with the tools they had taken out earlier to clean. Tommy had asked a question that might be considered very intrusive, so he figured it was fair play for Evan to come back with a question that felt just as intrusive.

Tommy wet his lip. He didn’t know why some things were still so difficult to say. “I’m gay.”

Evan chuckled. “Yeah, I got that from the way you complained to Karen about your failed date and how horribly embarrassing the guy was.”

“Even a year ago I couldn’t have had that kind of conversation with Karen anywhere in public, anywhere where a stranger might overhear any of it,” Tommy admitted. “I’d have invited Karen over to my place and had that conversation in my kitchen or my living room where I could’ve been sure it wouldn’t reach the wrong ears.”

“The wrong ears?” Evan asked in clear confusion.

Tommy shrugged. “Practically everyone. I didn’t trust a lot. Coming out has been a process and I’m still struggling with some of it. I spent a lot of time trying to convince myself that I could pretend to be straight. And even after I admitted to myself that I couldn’t do that, I still spent so many more years lying and pretending to practically everyone in my life. It didn’t feel safe to do anything else.”

Evan exhaled loudly.

“So, I’m still trying to figure out how to build friendships or any kind of relationship without lying all the time. And repairing those friendships I damaged with the lying I did in the past.”

“It sucks that people made you feel you had to hide like that,” Evan said quietly.

Tommy nodded. “It does.”

It sucked even more that the homophobia he had been so fearful of for most of his life was so institutionalized that even now, years after the repeal of DADT, Tommy had to be careful how he interacted with some of the people he knew from his time in the Army. And even in the LAFD, there were people Tommy knew he couldn’t ever be as open with as he was in this moment with Evan. The only reason he dared to take that step with Evan was his friendship with Karen because Tommy trusted Karen’s judgment.

“I started talking to Abby around the same time as the thing with Dr. Wells happened,” Evan murmured.

Tommy looked at him out of the corner of his eyes and found Evan still leaning against the ladder truck, his shoulders hunched over and his arms wrapped around himself as if he was hugging himself.

“Abby called me the first time right after Devon and that damn interview I was voluntold to do,” Evan said. “Then I had my appointment with Dr. Wells and then Abby called again. Everyone kept telling me I was having too much sex anyway, and they’re clearly right when I couldn’t even keep it in my pants during therapy.”

Tommy huffed and turned to Evan.

Evan raised a hand and shook his head. “Karen already told me that’s bullshit. You don’t need to repeat it. But anyway. I told Abby I’d like to keep talking to her but that I’d just ruin it if we saw each other in person because I’d try to have sex with her.”

Tommy’s frown just deepened, but maybe he didn’t need to argue with Evan about what he had just said about Dr. Wells’ actions. He had been at headquarters to report her after all and had even been willing to go through that process a second time after Turner had dismissed him. So Karen’s intervention seemed to have worked at least a little to combat those thoughts.

“She was good with us just talking on the phone,” Evan continued. “At least until her mom went missing because she has Alzheimer’s and left the apartment when Abby fell asleep after a long shift and forgot to lock the door. So I went over there to help with the search. And then I was stupid and fell back into the mindset of ‘sex helps with everything’. I just wanted to help her forget that whole day and feel good for a little while. So we had phone sex.”

“Nothing wrong with that per se,” Tommy said.

Evan rolled his eyes. “I’m not sure anyone would agree with you there.”

The easy way Evan was talking about sex even after his recent bad experience told Tommy everything he needed to know about why some people at the 118 might have told Evan that he had too much of it. Tommy could name at least five people off the top of his head who’d be put out or jealous about how at ease Evan seemed to be with himself regarding the topic.

“And now Abby is trying to push for a repeat performance in real life?” Tommy asked.

“I just want to go back to the friendship we were building,” Evan said darkly. “She didn’t get the hint when I outright ignored her on the 14th. And now she was kind of angry that I picked up an extra shift today because she’s off.”

“Is Abby a firefighter, too?”

Evan shook his head. “No, she’s a dispatcher. That’s how we talked for the first time. That’s how she got my number to call me after Devon.”

Tommy raised his brows. “You gave your number to a pretty voice during a call, really?”

Evan laughed. “No! Can you imagine the lecture Bobby would’ve given me for that?”

“I can,” Tommy agreed.

“I didn’t have a radio for reasons,” Evan said. “Hen gave dispatch my phone number while the rest of the 118 were out on a call so that I could help with another call.”

Tommy frowned, suddenly suspicious of Abby. “So, she memorized your number from feeding it into the system at dispatch so they could connect with you?”

Evan tilted his head in confusion. “I guess. What’s wrong with that?”

“Other than her using sensitive information she should leave at dispatch every time she signs off from work after a shift?” Tommy asked. “Has she taken phone numbers or other information she learned at work in the past and used them for her own gain?”

Evan shook his head. “That’s a little far-reaching, don’t you think?”

“It’s a valid question,” Tommy said. Especially given the way she seemed to be pushing Evan’s boundaries now.

Evan frowned and kept shaking his head, but he didn’t say anything in response.

Tommy decided to drop the topic. He would like to maybe find a new friend in Evan, and he didn’t want to ruin his chances by poking too hard. So instead, he said, “Keeping in mind that I might be really bad at giving advice here about friendships. But maybe you need to sit down with her face-to-face. Make her tell you what she wants from you, tell her what you want from her. And if those two things don’t work together, maybe giving each other a little room is the best solution.”

Evan groaned and the back of his head hit the metal of the ladder truck with a loud thud. “Why do I have only bad luck with making friends lately?”

“You’ve recently become friends with Karen, haven’t you?” Tommy asked. “Don’t let her hear you say something like that.”

Evan shook his head. “I’m not sure that counts as friendship. She’s just helping me figure out some things.”

Tommy raised his brows, but he’d leave it to Karen to set Evan’s perception straight. Evan had only met Karen recently, so Tommy could hardly hold it against him that he didn’t really know Karen yet, or maybe more to the point didn’t quite trust her yet.

“Or maybe it’s just this city,” Evan said and turned around to face one of the other empty compartments, starting to restock it.

“You haven’t been in LA for long?” Tommy asked.

“Came here to join the fire academy,” Evan said. “I’ve been here for nearly a year now. Which is longer than I’ve stayed anywhere since I left my parents’ house. It’s a little bit of an adjustment.”

Tommy chuckled. “I can just imagine. So, you don’t have many local friends at the moment?”

“I don’t know anyone here except for my roommates and the people from the 118. It’s part of the reason I’m here today. Hen and Bobby told me I should spread my wings a little, get to know more of the LAFD, and take extra shifts at other stations when I could. Bobby helped me put my name on that list of people they call if they need someone on short notice.”

“Bobby’s a good captain,” Tommy said. “He and Hen are right, knowing people outside the bubble of your own station can become very important sometimes. I had to learn that lesson the hard way.”

“Because you didn’t know anyone when you needed help to deal with Gerrard?”

Tommy’s head snapped around to Evan.

Before he could say anything, Evan sighed. “I asked Hen about him. And about Turner. She told me some things. What happened with him after he was fired, too.”

Tommy closed his eyes for a moment, trying to force his racing heart to calm down. He hated that Gerrard could still elicit that kind of panic in him.

Eventually, Tommy cleared his throat and turned back to his task. “Yeah, that’s exactly when I could have used some contacts I didn’t have yet.”

He had learned that lesson and wasn’t about to forget it. Tommy made a point of being at least friendly with a handful of people in as many parts of the LAFD as he could. He had become the guy who always knew someone in the right place to deal with any kind of situation.

“Gerrard had very strict rules about taking on extra shifts,” Tommy explained quietly. “If someone dared to pick up a shift in a station Gerrard didn’t approve of, they would get assigned to the crappy jobs for the next couple of shifts. And in turn, Gerrard only accepted floaters from those approved places, too.”

“That sounds like he was isolating you guys deliberately,” Evan said, sounding disgruntled.

“That’s exactly what it was,” Tommy agreed. “And it worked. It meant that after I realized we had to do something about him, it took us over three years to get him removed. And we were damn lucky no one was killed during that time.”

“Hen told me…” Evan sighed. “I’m sorry you lost your friend.”

Tommy inhaled sharply. “I … Thank you.” He blew out his breath slowly. “We got justice for Cole in the end. But it might have been easier to get there if we all hadn’t been so isolated under Gerrard.”

Evan hummed.

“Which doesn’t mean that’s the only reason for you to find some more connections in the LAFD,” Tommy said. “There are a lot of reasons why knowing people can be helpful. One day you’ll need to change your shift for some emergency, and it’s a lot easier to get coverage when you can ask someone to take over your shift personally.”

Evan laughed. “Hen said the same thing.”

“So, how’s your first shift with a different station going?”

Evan sent him a bright smile that made Tommy’s heart beat a little faster for a moment. “I think it’s much better having someone here I already knew before!”

 

Chapter 03

Tommy carefully set the two glasses of beer on the table before sitting down in the booth with Chimney. It was their third round of drinks, so they were probably nearing the end of the night, and the way Chimney kept looking around the bar made it very clear how he intended for the evening to end.

“You aren’t planning to abandon me already, are you?” Tommy asked amused.

Chimney laughed. “Only after this beer is gone! Unless someone more interesting than you shows up, of course.”

“Which might be any woman already here.”

Chimney grinned widely. “True. They’re all more interesting than you. No offense, buddy.”

“Guess I should be happy you have time for me at all.”

“Very happy,” Chimney agreed. “Though, my schedule isn’t exactly as busy as it used to be. But I feel it’s high time I get back on track with that.”

“You’re doing good on the recovery front, right?” Tommy asked.

“Eh,” Chimney shrugged. “Not as good as I’d like. But we both know I’ll feel like it’s not going where it’s supposed to go until I’m back on the job I was actually hired for. I hate teaching.”

“I hear you’re doing a good job.”

Chimney rolled his eyes. “Of course you heard about it. Who tattled?”

“As if I’d disclose the names of my sources!”

Chimney shook his head. “It’s something to do at least. So, thank you for helping me get that teaching position. Even if I think everyone taking that class is stupid and doesn’t have the heart for the job. I guess they’ll learn that sooner or later.”

“Eli would be so proud to see where you are now,” Tommy said. “I remember him calling you stupid and reckless a couple of times. Though, he was always convinced you had your heart in the right place for the job.”

Chimney sighed. “I miss him. Wish he hadn’t had to move to the other side of the country.”

Tommy hummed. Eli had done so to escape Gerrard, using the failing health of his mother-in-law as a convenient excuse. For a while, Tommy had been jealous of the opportunity and had even resented his friend for leaving. But then, following Eli’s departure, Hen had joined the 118 and everything they had worked towards for so long had suddenly paid off.

“Eli would’ve picked up the slack on game nights, too!” Chimney went on. “I can’t believe no one took them over while I’ve been out of commission.”

“They wouldn’t be the same without you,” Tommy said. “Everyone will be happy to join again when you’re ready to host the next game night.”

“Should do that soon,” Chimney said, head tilted to the side. “I don’t get tired so easily anymore, so that should work out.”

“I’ll help with clean up afterward,” Tommy offered.

“Or you could host at your place.”

Tommy shook his head. “You know what the house looks like. It’s one big building site, and with how slowly I’m making progress it will stay that way for years. I’m not having Sal’s station show up to treat some idiot who was too drunk to stay away from the power tools.”

Chimney laughed. “That idiot would probably be Sal himself! His crew would never let him forget that!”

Tommy joined in the laughter. “Okay, that’s true. And now hosting is suddenly a little tempting. But I don’t want to deal with the paperwork for the insurance that would follow an incident, so a drunk Sal will never get near my house!”

“We can’t even stage anything at my place,” Chimney said mournfully. “It wouldn’t be the 122 showing up there.”

“Why’d you never invite your new probie to game nights?” Tommy asked. “I met him recently. He seems like a good guy.”

Chimney blinked. “How did you meet Buck?”

“We both took an extra shift with the 133 at the same time.” Tommy didn’t think it would be a good idea to tell Chimney he had met Evan and Karen at headquarters filing a report with Professional Standards. Chimney was too much of a gossip to share something like that with him.

“Oh, he has started taking extra shifts, huh? I thought he’d be one of those guys who never does any extra work.”

“Really?” Tommy asked. “That’s not the impression I got.”

Chimney shrugged. “You worked with him for a 24, that’s not a lot of time to figure him out. And you were probably separated on call-outs working with different crews.”

Tommy nodded. When more than one floater covered the same shift that was usually how it was done. That way the rest of the crew who knew each other and were used to working with each other only had to integrate one unknown person.

“Maybe he is coming around finally,” Chimney said. “I wasn’t sure he’d make it through his probationary year. He’s hotheaded and impulsive. And a huge playboy. Picks up women on calls constantly. Even stole the ladder truck twice to get laid on shift.”

Tommy coughed as he choked on his beer. “What?”

Chimney nodded. “Pretty ballsy of him, but it nearly got him fired. The only reason he didn’t was that then he was available to help Hen’s friend Athena when she was looking for a little girl hiding from robbers in her house who didn’t know her address.”

“How he’d steal a ladder truck?” Tommy asked flabbergasted. “You can’t sneak out of the station with that. It makes a lot of noise, and it takes some time to get it out of the bay and then to gain some speed. And it’s not exactly inconspicuous! Even if everyone was up in the loft or in the bunks, someone could’ve easily followed with the command truck.”

Chimney shrugged. “Johnson sent him out alone with it on a maintenance run to pull his leg. And he turned that situation around to get laid. The second time Bobby caught him in the act, even. Chewed him out good from what I heard.”

Tommy tapped his fingers on the table and shook his head. Chimney told this tale in a way that made Evan look bad, but he wasn’t necessarily the one coming off the worst in the story if anyone thought about it for more than two seconds. Why was a probie sent out with the ladder truck alone? And not just once but twice. That was practically a written invitation for said probie to do something stupid.

“Ah, come on,” Tommy said. “If you got sent out with any of the vehicles by yourself, you’d use the chance to get laid, too. And you’d brag about it far and wide.”

“Sure,” Chimney agreed readily. He leaned over the table and said conspiratorially, “Sal and I worked together so we could both get all four — ladder, engine, ambulance, and the command truck — checked off our bucket lists. But we didn’t get caught!”

Tommy huffed and made a face. “That’s more than I needed to know! I hope you cleaned up afterward!”

Chimney grinned widely and shrugged. “It’s been a while. I only remember the amazing sex that turned out to be. Sadly, I never managed to get a repeat with Tatiana, she’d have loved that. But with Sal gone, there’s no one left who’d help me.”

“Sounds like you clearly have no ground to stand on to complain about Evan’s behavior, though.”

“True, but it’s funny!” Chimney said. “Wait, why do you call him Evan?”

Tommy shrugged. “That’s how he introduced himself.”

Chimney shook his head. “Everyone just calls him Buck! Anyway, him nearly getting fired for getting laid on the job is a great summary of his person. He fucks around a lot and likes to talk about it.” He frowned. “Though, he’s pretending lately that he’s stopped. And always talking to some girl on the phone as if a guy like him is capable of being faithful to any woman.”

Tommy sighed, regretting deeply that he had brought up Evan at all. He had just wanted to know why he hadn’t met Evan at any of Chimney’s game nights so far, but maybe the answer should have already been obvious.

“I hope you aren’t asking about him because you have a crush on him,” Chimney said. “I understand he’s probably nice to look at for anyone who likes men, but he has this vibe of the kind of straight guy who’d get offended by another guy’s attention.”

Tommy took a big gulp of his beer so he wouldn’t have to answer. Sometimes he wondered if it had been a good idea to come out to Chimney, though he reminded himself that it had been more of an accident than anything else.

“He isn’t really my type,” Tommy said eventually.

Chimney nodded gravely. “Too young and too reckless!”

Tommy shrugged. He liked Chimney a lot and most of the time he valued their friendship. But in moments like this he was reminded why that friendship had never grown beyond grabbing an occasional beer at the bar or watching a game together. At least Tommy already knew he couldn’t really trust Chimney with his opinion about Evan, and he should have known that before ever bringing Evan up.

“He definitely isn’t an adequate replacement for you,” Chimney said with a deep, sad sigh. “I hope you’re happy with your helicopters while we have to deal with having to teach our new probie the hard way that chasing after glory is the wrong reason to become a firefighter.”

“I’m very happy with my helicopters!” Tommy said, and didn’t comment on the fact that Chimney himself had very much been the one chasing glory when he had first started out as a firefighter.

“It sucks that Hen and I are the only ones left from the old crew now,” Chimney said. “No one remembers anymore what it was like right after Gerrard. That was a good time right after the assholes left with Gerrard.”

“The 118 has a good crew now, too. And I think with Bobby you’ve finally got a captain who’ll stay.”

“Sal’s still angry he didn’t get the promotion,” Chimney said. “I had a long conversation with him about that the other day.”

Tommy sighed. “Sal wasn’t ready for it. He still isn’t ready. But his captain at the 122 retires in three years, and I know he is working on making sure Sal will be ready for the promotion then. I think Sal finally is starting to understand that, too.”

Chimney nodded slowly, but his gaze had flicked away, landing on someone out of Tommy’s view. “Yeah, true. I think I might abandon you now, though.”

Tommy laughed and didn’t bother to turn around to find the woman who had caught Chimney’s gaze. They were in a badge and ladder bar, and Chimney always recognized women who came here just to get laid.

Chimney stood up. “It was great talking to you. I’ll come back to you about the help you offered with game night.”

Tommy raised his nearly empty glass in a salute. “Have fun.”

Chimney left the table with a shit-eating grin. “I will!”

***

Buck rubbed his hands over his thighs as he waited for Abby. He had asked for a table outside and a little out of the way, just in case. He didn’t know what to expect from the conversation with Abby and he worried a little bit about them disturbing the other customers.

“Buck!” Abby sounded overly happy as she approached the table, and he immediately knew she was expecting something from this meeting that she wouldn’t get.

Buck smiled and stood to greet her with a hug. “Thanks for meeting me on such short notice. I know that’s not always easy with your mom.”

“Carla is there for her today anyway,” Abby said. She waited for a moment and a frown settled on her face when Buck just sat down at the table again before she pulled back her own chair to sit as well. “And I’ve been hoping for this for a while. But I guess you know that.”

Buck sighed. “Yeah.”

Abby had made it very clear what she expected over the last few weeks. Buck had tried to steer her away from that again, because he didn’t understand why she wouldn’t let them get back to the friendship they had been building for nearly two months before her mom had gone missing.

“I’m glad we finally managed to meet like this,” Abby said. She winked at Buck and bit her lip. “Even if it’s a week later than the date I had hoped for.”

Buck swallowed. “This isn’t a date, Abby.”

Abby laughed lightly. “You’ve asked me to meet at too nice of a restaurant to pretend we aren’t on a date, Buck. This is great, really. No reason to be shy about it now.”

Buck lowered his gaze and shook his head. “I realize I might have created false expectations the night after we found your mom.”

Abby reached over the table and took his hands. “There are no false expectations at all. I’m very much looking forward to all the promises made that night.”

“There were no promises made,” Buck said and pulled his hands away.

Abby frowned, but whatever she had to say to that was interrupted by the waitress stopping by their table with the menus. Buck allowed Abby to steer the conversation into a discussion about the food offered until they had both made their choice and ordered.

“How is your mom?” Buck asked.

Abby smiled sadly. “It feels as if the really bad days are more and more common, you know? We’ve been dealing with this for a couple of years now, but a year ago she was still living by herself. Then we moved her in with me because some parts of everyday life got too difficult for her. I … wasn’t prepared for the decline to come so fast.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Buck said softly.

“I’m just glad I can see her every day,” Abby said. “That’s the reason I don’t want her to go to a care facility, you know? My brother doesn’t understand that, but I really want to spend as much time with her as I have left. He thinks I’m sacrificing too much.”

“I think what you’re doing is so remarkable,” Buck said. “And from the little I’ve seen of your mom, it felt like she is really grateful for it. Even if she can’t always express that anymore.”

Buck would never do something like that for his parents. He wouldn’t go back to a situation where they could continue to hurl their hatred at him. Maddie had always tried to tell him that they loved him but just didn’t know how to express it. Buck knew that for the most part, that was true for her. Their parents did love her and had no idea how to show it most of the time. But it had never been true for him, and it had always hurt that Maddie couldn’t see that.

But while Buck would never do the same thing Abby did for her mother for his parents, he wouldn’t ever hesitate to do it for his sister. He hadn’t heard anything from her in more than two years, but he would never give up hope that she might reach out to him again eventually. Every time his phone rang, he half expected it to be his sister, and he always made sure to send a postcard with a new address after every move. Buck was sure that one day she’d want to talk to him again, even if he didn’t know why she had started to ignore him years ago.

“I admire you for that, really,” Buck said. “Your mom is a very lucky woman to have you as her daughter.”

Abby’s smile was shaky, and Buck saw tears shining in her eyes. “Thank you. It means a lot to be told that.”

Buck chuckled. “There have to be people who tell you that all the time. You’re a great dispatcher, too.”

Abby shook her head. “The people who call 911 don’t usually show any kind of gratitude. When you helped Sergeant Grant and me find Lily, you were the first person in years to thank me for my end of the work.”

Buck made a face. “Really?”

“Yeah. We are just a voice on the phone, a faceless and nameless being that doesn’t need to be thanked. Most of the time people just hang up as soon as police or LAFD arrive to help them.”

“That’s sad,” Buck murmured.

“We get used to it,” Abby said. “And it makes the moments when someone remembers to thank us really stand out. I really needed what you said to me after that call.” She blushed and ducked her head. “Honestly, that’s why I saved your number on my personal phone.”

Buck blinked, suddenly remembering Tommy’s questions about how Abby had had his number in the first place. He hadn’t wanted to think about it because it made him feel uneasy for some reason.

“So you didn’t just randomly memorize my number and then remember it when you saw me on the news?” Buck asked teasingly.

Abby laughed. “No, my memory isn’t that good. But I was glad I had saved your number when I saw you on the news, looking all sad and tragic. And hot, of course, but that wasn’t the most important part back then.”

Buck smiled. Somehow it was difficult to believe that last part. “I’ve really enjoyed our phone calls since they started. You gave me some advice about Devon that really helped, but even aside from that, talking to you is always great.”

“I feel the same,” Abby said.

Buck nodded. He worried his lips between his teeth while their food was delivered and tried to find some way to steer the conversation back to clearing up the misunderstanding about what this meeting was and what Buck wanted to achieve with it. It was more difficult than he had expected when he had asked Abby to meet him.

Tommy’s advice about just putting everything they both wanted on the table and seeing if they were compatible seemed so clear cut, so easy to accomplish. It didn’t feel easy at all anymore with Abby so blatantly clear about what she expected even without outright stating it.

For a brief moment, Buck even wondered if he could or should just give her what she wanted. She was great and a beautiful woman, so Buck was sure he would enjoy the physical part of the relationship she wanted. It might also give him what he wanted, which was to keep the friendship they had built.

But Buck knew it would feel like he was lying to her. He had never lied to a sexual or romantic partner, no matter if they had been a hookup or a longer relationship. He didn’t feel like starting with that now. And how much would the friendship he thought he’d found with Abby still be worth if he could only keep it by lying to her?

“Remember the second time you called me, and I told you that I didn’t want to meet in person?” Buck said slowly.

Abby nodded and chuckled. “Your little monologue about enjoying talking with me and not wanting to ruin it by sleeping with me was very sweet. Though, I still think it was a little presumptuous of you to assume I’d just let you drag me into the nearest bed.”

“But that’s why you’re here now, isn’t it?” Buck asked.

Abby pointed her fork at him. “You did make some very pointed promises during that highly enjoyable phone call.”

“I wanted to get you off to make you feel better during that phone call,” Buck said.

Abby grinned and winked. “Mission accomplished. It did make me feel a lot better. About myself and the whole day in general.”

Buck smiled hesitantly. “I’m glad. And I’m really happy you enjoyed it. But … it wasn’t intended to be any kind of promise, Abby. I really don’t want to repeat any of that, either in person or over the phone.”

Abby leaned back with a frown. “I don’t understand.”

Buck sighed deeply. “Yeah, I got that you haven’t really been hearing what I was saying when I told you I didn’t want to meet in person again any time soon and that I just wanted to continue like we had been before we searched for your mom. Because I really enjoy that friendship we’ve been building.”

“We can enjoy that friendship and have sex,” Abby said.

“Is that what you wanted from the very beginning?” Buck asked, because he thought it was odd how she had pointed out how hot he had looked during his interview.

Abby ran her gaze over his body. “I’m very sure you’re very aware of how attractive you are.”

Buck looked down at this food. He felt heartbroken and his stomach turned into a hard knot. He had believed for weeks, months even, that Abby and he were on the same page, that they were looking for the same thing. He felt a little betrayed and he didn’t know how to deal with it.

Buck sighed deeply. “Yeah. And I’ve used it to my advantage in the past. Getting laid really isn’t difficult for me. But that’s not what I want right now, Abby. I’ve deliberately taken a step back from that lifestyle. And I told you so when we started talking: I didn’t want a sex partner, I only wanted a friend. I’m sorry that this phone sex thing left you with the impression that I’d changed my mind.”

Abby put her fork and knife down and stared at Buck with a strange look in her eyes. “Is it my age?”

“What?” Buck laughed. “No! You’re a beautiful and attractive woman, Abby. Don’t pretend you aren’t aware of that just as much as I’m aware of my own looks. You’re hot, and if I’d met you a little earlier or under different circumstances, I’d have been all in when you asked for that first date. And we would have ended up in bed because you just admitted that was what you were looking for, even if you pretended otherwise to me.”

“I don’t understand any of this,” Abby said. “Why’d you lead me on with this date?”

“I told you it wasn’t a date,” Buck said. “I told you so when I invited you, and I told you again when you arrived. You seemed to just ignore everything I said about meeting again when we talked on the phone. So, I thought this would be a chance to clear some things up and see where we were be heading.”

“You were leading me on,” Abby said, sounding upset all of a sudden.

Buck nearly huffed. If anyone had been leading the other person on, he felt it had been Abby who had scolded him for assuming she would sleep with him if they met, only to now admit that it was exactly what she had been aiming for all along. With everyone at the time telling him he was behaving badly with women and his uneasiness about what had happened with Dr. Wells, Buck had felt bad making that assumption of Abby. But now he knew that he should’ve trusted his gut.

The only relief about that revelation was that now he knew he hadn’t ruined anything by offering phone sex. He had just prompted her to give up her pretense because she thought he was finally giving in to what she wanted.

Abby pushed her chair back, her fingers curled around the edge of the table. “You made me believe this was a date.”

Buck frowned, overcome by sadness. He had hoped they could clear up the misunderstanding and preserve the friendship he thought they had built. But clearly, Abby’s goal had never been friendship. Some of the things she had said today made that abundantly clear.

Buck sighed. “That’s not true, Abby. I didn’t lead you on. It’s not fair to say I led you on or made you believe this was a date when I explicitly told you it wasn’t a date when setting it up. I … You don’t want to go back to talking on the phone like we used to because that’s not what you wanted from the very beginning. You always wanted more. Is that it?”

Abby shook her head. “I indulged your little game of playing coy because you did it in a way that was very flattering. Maybe I should’ve known I was wasting my time.”

With those words she stood and stalked off, her chin raised. Buck sunk down in his chair and dragged a hand through his hair. The disappointment stung deeply. The phone calls with Abby had been something that he always looked forward to. Even if they hadn’t always talked about the things he was struggling with, they had always helped him deal with anything just because he had felt heard by Abby.

And now Buck knew that all of it had been a lie, a game for Abby to get into his pants. Because somehow that seemed to be the only thing he was good for.

 

Chapter 04

“Buck!” Karen laughed and shot out of her chair to greet him with a hug as soon as she saw him. “I’m so happy you had time to meet me!”

Buck returned the hug a little awkwardly. “Of course.” He didn’t know why Karen had asked him to meet for coffee but he wasn’t about to tell her no after all the support she had provided over the past couple of weeks.

“How are you?” Karen asked as she sat down again.

She already had a cup of coffee in front of her, and Buck wondered for a moment how long she had been waiting for him. He knew he wasn’t too late — he had checked the time three times to make sure.

“Hanging in there,” Buck said and shrugged. He sat and watched her thoughtfully. “How can I help you?”

Karen blinked and looked at him with a little frown, then she sighed. “I just want to spend a couple of hours with you, Buck. Maybe talk about things that aren’t centered around helping Bobby or dealing with Dr. Wells.”

Buck bit his lip and sank down in his chair a little.

“I’d like to be your friend,” Karen said softly. “If that’s something you want, of course. I think you’re a great guy and I just want to get to know you a little better.”

“Oh.” Buck felt a little overwhelmed by that. In his experience, this wasn’t how friendships started. People he had to ask for help usually couldn’t get rid of him fast enough. “I just told Tommy that this city seems to be cursed when it comes to me making friends here.”

“You saw Tommy again?” Karen asked, smiling and curious.

“I took Hen and Bobby’s advice to heart when they told me about picking up extra shifts with other stations,” Buck explained. “Tommy and I ended up at the 133 together. They were missing four people on their shift at once.”

“That’s a lot of people missing at the same time,” Karen said with a frown. “Hen already can’t stop cursing when there are two people who have to be replaced at once.”

Buck nodded. “Yeah. We depend a lot on knowing each other and trusting that we all know where to go, what to do, right? They had one guy on his yearly vacation, another firefighter had just gone on maternity leave, then one of their guys broke his leg on a call last week, and the fourth called in sick an hour before the shift started. I think that’s how Tommy ended up there, too.”

“Wow,” Karen chuckled and shook her head. “That has to have been an experience for your first shift at a different station.”

Buck rolled his eyes. “It felt like utter chaos, to be honest. But with Tommy there at least I knew someone right from the start. Made me feel less like an outsider when he introduced me to everyone.”

“So, that’s another reason why it’s a good thing we ran into him the other day.” Karen sighed. “I know I said I want to spend the time getting to know you outside of this, but have you heard anything about the investigation? I mean, they should’ve gotten somewhere with their investigation in two weeks.”

“Nothing official,” Buck said. “No one’s contacted me again so far. But I heard someone at the 133 talking about having to reschedule her therapy appointments because Dr. Wells isn’t available anymore.”

“That’s really good!” Karen said.

“Is it?” Buck asked skeptically, ducking his head. “It sounded like it’s a lot of hassle for some people. People she was helping.”

Karen sighed deeply. “Just because she might have been doing her actual job for most of her patients doesn’t mean the people she hurt don’t matter. People can find another therapist to work with, but she can’t exploit anyone else for the moment anymore.”

Buck shrugged.

“Have you thought about looking for a therapist?” Karen asked.

Buck shrugged again. “No. I’ve been keeping busy.”

“Busy with what?” Karen prodded softly.

Buck sighed and thanked the waiter with a smile when his coffee order was dropped off at their table. He had ordered at the counter when he had arrived and seen that Karen already had her order on the table.

“All kinds of things,” Buck said. “I had that extra shift. I’ve been looking into some classes at the academy. I’ve got the experience and training for some more of the rope-rescue certs. They didn’t offer the courses to get those certs when I was at the academy, so I’ve been keeping an eye out for them.”

Karen tilted her head. “Hen mentioned you already have a lot of certifications about that.”

Buck nodded. “I got some of them over the past couple of years. I did some wilderness SAR in different places and got the certs with FEMA. Urban SAR is a little different, though. And then, with the ocean directly on doorstep, it would be good to have some knowledge about water rescues, too. I talked about it with Bobby, and he said he’d support any kind of coursework I’d like to sign up for.”

“Sounds like a great plan,” Karen said. “Though, I can’t understand anyone’s fascination with climbing. No one would get me anywhere where I had to trust some flimsy rope with my life.”

Buck laughed. “They aren’t flimsy. There are a couple of engineers who’d be really put out by you saying something like that! And I hear you’d like to go to space, so I’m not sure you’re one to talk!”

Karen chuckled. “That dream’s long dead.”

“Why?” Buck asked. “The chance might still present itself at some point. Hen said you’re working on a team adjacent to the Mars mission.”

Karen grinned. “It’s not as impressive as Hen probably made it sound.”

Buck leaned forward, curiously asking more questions about Karen’s work. He’d been holding back so many questions ever since Hen had mentioned that her wife was a real-life rocket scientist. Buck hadn’t expected to ever have a chance to ask any of those questions, but now Karen was indulging him, talking about her work and telling him how she had gotten there.

Buck didn’t even notice how the time flew by. He enjoyed their conversation, going back and forth with both of them sharing stories from their pasts. It was great talking about the years of his travels with someone who seemed genuinely interested in them.

“I have to admit I’m a little jealous of how much of the country you have seen,” Karen said, laughing just as they had ordered another round of drinks. “I went to college right out of high school and was convinced that if I didn’t concentrate all my energy on establishing myself in the scientific community immediately, then I’d never get where I wanted to be.”

“It led you to having a beautiful and great wife and a cute son,” Buck said. “I don’t think you can complain about that.”

“That’s true,” Karen admitted with a pleased smile. “But still.”

“You’ll have time to travel,” Buck said. “And it will probably be much more comfortable with Hen and you putting money aside for it first. I’m twenty-six and now’s the first time I’m living in a semi-permanent place. I don’t even know how to start to look for a place of my own.”

“Is that something you’re thinking about?” Karen asked.

Buck exhaled loudly. “I think it’s something I desperately need. I’m sharing a house with this group of guys I met in Peru. We came here together. But their lifestyle doesn’t fit with mine anymore since I graduated from the academy.”

Buck probably had never truly fit in as well with Connor and the rest of the group as it had seemed in Peru. They had hung out with him because it had meant that occasionally he’d been able to sneak them free drinks. Buck had hung out with them because most of the time they had been fun and some of them had been happy to accompany him to the beach for a couple of hours of surfing or to go hiking with him. But Buck had never felt he could rely on any of them, and the way in which they had no regard for his shift schedule was glaring proof of that.

“So, you’re looking for a new apartment,” Karen said.

“I would like to,” Buck said slowly. “But so far I’ve always gotten distracted whenever I start looking at listings.”

“Distracted by what?” Karen asked.

Buck shrugged. “Anything that grabbed my attention? I like to read up on things. But I’m not always good at keeping focused on the things I started with. So, I start wondering what I should know about the area the apartment is in, and before I know it I’ve ended up reading about the history of the Griffith Observatory or the Aquarium of the Pacific.”

Karen laughed. “I can see how that could be a problem. What exactly are you looking for? What’s on your must-have list?”

“A roof over my head where I won’t get woken up by my roommates having a party three hours before I have to start a 24-hour shift?”

Karen pursed her lips and sighed. “I see what you mean when you say you have no idea about where to even start. We’ll take care of that.”

Buck ducked his head and rubbed the back of his head. “Ah, thank you, but you don’t have to—”

“That’s part of being friends, isn’t it?” Karen interrupted him. “Helping each other?”

“Yeah, sure, but…” Buck sighed.

“No buts!” Karen interrupted him again with a glare.

Buck raised his hands in defeat, laughing. “Okay.”

“You said earlier you didn’t have much luck with friends in LA so far,” Karen said hesitantly. “I’m not the kind of friend that takes and takes and doesn’t give back. Your roommates seem to be, though.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Buck said. “I think they expected me to get a job as a bartender again. That definitely was to their advantage down in Peru.”

“And how is it going with Abby?” Karen asked.

Buck made a face and curled his hands around his cup of tea. He had changed his order for their third round of drinks because drinking too much coffee always bothered his stomach. “That fell through completely.”

Karen sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“Turned out, the only reason she called me to begin with was because she wanted to get laid,” Buck said darkly. “And she was waiting for me to get over myself or something.”

“And she didn’t want to wait anymore once you offered phone sex.”

“She said I was making promises,” Buck murmured. “And maybe it came off that way, I don’t know. She accused me of leading her on and then stormed off. I haven’t heard anything from her since then, and I’m not going to reach out again either. She made it pretty clear that the friendship I thought we were building was never really there.”

“I’m really sorry,” Karen said softly. “She has no idea what she’s missing.”

Buck shrugged. “I’m pretty sure she was mostly looking for a distraction from her mom. The thing is, under different circumstances, I might have given her exactly that.”

“And would have gotten your heart broken because she wasn’t open about what she was looking for,” Karen said. “If anything, she was leading you on. If she wanted sex, why didn’t she make that clear from the beginning when you told her that wasn’t what you wanted?”

“She said the way I said that was flattering,” Buck said.

Karen huffed. “I’ve never met her, but I really can’t stand her.”

Buck chuckled sadly. “I don’t think it’s fair to judge her so harshly. She is doing a pretty great but exhausting thing for her mom. And from what Abby said, Patricia might be gone soon.”

Karen shook her head. “I’m glad at least you know now what that was about. That means you can concentrate your energy on things and people much more worthwhile.”

Buck sighed and shrugged.

“You know, I think Tommy and you could be great friends, too,” Karen said. “Did you make plans to keep in contact with him after you worked that shift together?”

“We exchanged numbers,” Buck admitted. “He does seem like a great guy. But he also seems pretty busy.”

“He is good at making time for friends regularly,” Karen said.

“Tommy told me about some kind of basketball pick-up game a couple of first responders meet up for regularly,” Buck said hesitantly. He hadn’t told Tommy he wouldn’t show up, but he had absolutely no interest in the whole idea of basketball.

“Another chance to also meet other people who work and live here,” Karen said. “Sounds like a good idea for you to get out a little.”

Buck bit his lip. “Maybe.”

Karen slapped her hand on the table. “Okay, you think about that, and in the meantime, we’ll start making plans to go apartment hunting for you. Let’s start with the basics. That would be ‘What’s your budget’ and ‘What areas would be the best considering your commute to work’. Then we’ll talk about minimum requirements for the apartment.”

Buck sighed and wondered if he would come to regret telling Karen about his uncomfortable living situation with his roommates and how confused he felt every time he so much as thought about looking for an apartment.

***

Tommy high-fived Sal when they scored another basket. No one was really keeping careful track of the points during games like this, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t celebrate every point scored. It was an easy game with fewer people than usual. It made the game a little slower than they were used to and Tommy appreciated that today.

The other team called a break and Sal laughed. “Sore losers!”

“I’ll remind you of that next time we lose!” Tommy said.

Sal grinned widely. “Not going to happen to me. If you lose, it’s because you decided to play against me!”

Tommy shook his head. Sal would pretend he’d never lost anything, but thankfully he wouldn’t get angry when he did, he just put on a front of pretense and denial. There had been others with similar mindsets to Sal’s that they’d needed to chase away from these meet-ups because their anger steered too close to violence if they lost. Their group, no matter how frequently or infrequently most of them showed up, didn’t tolerate that kind of shit.

“Oh, I’ve spotted fresh meat!” Sal said.

When Tommy turned to follow Sal’s gaze, he spotted Evan standing at the edge of the basketball court, watching them warily with a bag slung over his shoulder. He smiled hesitantly when he noticed that Tommy had spotted him.

“Evan!” Tommy shouted excitedly. When Evan hadn’t been here an hour ago when their group arrived, Tommy had tried to come to terms with the fact that Evan had ignored his invitation. Tommy had felt surprisingly disappointed about that and really didn’t want to think too much about it.

“You know him?” Sal asked and followed Tommy.

“Evan is Howie and Hen’s new probie,” Tommy said. “I met him when we both subbed in at the 133 last week.”

Sal huffed. “You mean he’s Nash’s new guy?”

Evan frowned and watched Sal with a guarded look upon that comment.

“Ignore the idiot!” Tommy said to Evan. “Sal’s a champion at holding a grudge!”

Evan straightened his back. “And there’s a grudge to hold against Bobby?”

Sal huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. “Not sure if I’m interested in staying if we’re including the 118 now.”

“You’re just afraid you’ll lose when we mix the teams up,” Tommy teased. “You never have a problem if Howie or anyone else from the 118 joins us!”

Evan grinned with a mischievous gleam in his eyes. “If you can’t lose, you should be on my team, Sal.”

Tommy laughed because Sal took the bait and, while Tommy might not have known Evan for long, he was sure there was some catch to the offer. Soon enough new teams were determined and Tommy ended up playing against Sal and Evan. At first, Tommy would have preferred to play on the same team as Evan, but it quickly became evident that Evan had no idea how to actually play basketball. Though, on some occasions, Tommy was sure that Evan deliberately blocked Sal’s path.

Eventually, Sal threw the ball away with a frustrated shout, turning to Evan in seething outrage. “Why’d you pretend you’re any good when you don’t even know the most basic rules?”

Evan shrugged and rocked back on his heels with a wide grin. “Usually people learn how to lose in kindergarten. But it’s never too late. And I never said I was good. I said if you couldn’t lose that we should be on the same team.”

Tommy laughed so hard at Sal’s affronted face that he had to brace his hands on his knees. “You’re going to tell me again he’s not all Hen’s probie?”

“Hen’s without question the best person on my whole shift,” Evan said. “There are a lot of things one can learn from her if they pay attention.”

Sal huffed and turned to Tommy. “Did you know this? You set me up!”

Tommy raised his hands in defense. “I had no idea! I invited Evan along without ever talking about basketball with him.”

Sal pointed a finger at him. “Next time, make sure the guy you invite actually knows how to play! And teach him before he plays with us again!” With that, he turned around and stormed off.

“I’m sorry,” Evan said, but he was laughing. “I don’t know, but with his attitude, it felt like he was just begging for that lost game.”

“Oh, he was,” Tommy agreed. “There is no reason for you to apologize. Sal will get over it by the end of the day. He only holds grudges if it’s about the job.”

Evan hummed and sat down on a bench just beside the basketball court. “And he has a reason to hold a grudge against Bobby?”

Tommy sighed and sat down beside Evan, grabbing a bottle of water out of his bag. “Sal was part of our shift at the 118 since before Howie joined. Before they brought in Bobby as our captain, Sal had big expectations that he would be promoted to the position finally. And when he wasn’t he greeted Bobby accordingly.”

“So he transferred stations?” Evan asked.

“Not voluntarily.” Tommy shook his head and took a big gulp of water. “Sal butted heads with Bobby until he disobeyed a direct order that could’ve killed him. Bobby suspended him and got him a transfer to the 122. Though, he made us all believe at first that Sal was fired.”

Evan pursed his lips. “Huh. That sounds kind of familiar.”

Tommy chuckled. “I heard you got nearly fired.”

“Let’s not talk about that,” Evan muttered with a frown. “Who told you anyway?” He shook his head and raised one hand. “No, don’t tell me. So, Sal is with the 122 but still angry at Bobby for not getting that promotion?”

“Yep,” Tommy shrugged. “He needs to get over that grudge, and fast. Because I know Sal’s new captain plans to train him to be his replacement after he retires in three years. But if Sal keeps being angry at Bobby and the 118 in general, the job might fall to someone else.”

“And now I’ve given him another reason to hold a grudge against the 118.”

Tommy laughed. “No. Don’t think that. Honestly, goading him into losing the game might actually help his ego a little. Though, Sal is right on one point. No one will let you join again unless you show some progress.”

“I really don’t care much for basketball,” Evan said, ducking his head. “And as fun as it was to string Sal along, this really didn’t change my mind about the sport.”

Tommy blinked confused and turned to look at Evan. “If you don’t like basketball, why’d you come?”

Evan shrugged. “You invited me?”

Tommy swallowed. That sounded quite a lot like flirting, but he remembered how convinced Chimney was about Evan being straight. So, this probably didn’t mean as much as Tommy wished for at this moment — and it surprised him how much he wanted it to mean something — and was just a guy being new to town and uncertain about making new friends. Tommy remembered how Evan had mentioned that he didn’t have the best luck with that at the moment.

“I’m flattered,” Tommy said.

Evan grinned. “You come highly recommended by Karen and Hen.”

Tommy laughed, which was only interrupted by his stomach growling loudly. “Want to grab a bite?” Tommy asked. “There is a great deli not far away.”

“Sounds great,” Evan agreed. “I could eat and you’re clearly starving. Has to have been a hell of a game before I arrived.”

“Wasn’t the game,” Tommy said. He grabbed his bag as he stood and started to lead Evan through the park. “Last night was a little crazy. I don’t know what happens to people every single full moon!”

“Ha!” Evan huffed and nodded enthusiastically. “Bobby tried to tell me it was stupid to believe the crazy is about the full moon. But it definitely is! It was my second shift during a full moon, and both had ridiculous calls!”

“We had to airlift someone who thought taking a midnight climb was a great idea,” Tommy said. “Of course, they got stuck on the damn cliffside because the light of the full moon wasn’t bright enough, after all.”

Evan laughed. “That’s not so crazy. Bobby and I were sent to a yoga class for pregnant women because one woman was stuck in the locust pose. Next thing we knew three of those women were giving birth.”

“Your first time helping deliver a baby?” Tommy asked with a grin.

“I barely did anything,” Evan said. “The lady I was helping was badass. She did most of it herself and told me exactly what she needed. We had to rush one of the other women to the hospital. But all moms and babies are perfectly fine.” He rubbed the back of his neck and ducked his head, blushing. “I might have dropped by the hospital this morning to drop off a plushie for each baby so I had an excuse for a short visit. I know we’re not supposed to follow up on any calls, but…” He trailed off with a shrug.

“Sometimes that’s more easily said than done,” Tommy agreed. There were certain lines they should never cross, but dropping off a little present just to put their own worries to rest wasn’t anywhere near those boundaries in Tommy’s mind.

For a while, Tommy and Evan exchanged stories about the previous night’ s calls. Eventually, long after they had worked their way through an assortment of sandwiches, Tommy had to concede that the calls the 217 had gotten weren’t anything compared to the calls the 118 had had to deal with.

“Can I ask how things worked out with Abby?” Tommy asked, because he had been wondering about that on and off since their shift at the 133.

Evan rolled his eyes. “They didn’t work out at all.”

“I’m sorry,” Tommy said softly.

“Yeah. The thing that sucks the most is that she practically admitted that the reason she called me in the first place was that she was looking to get laid,” Evan muttered, shaking his head. “So, while I thought we were building a friendship, she was just waiting for me to ‘get over myself’ or something.”

Tommy made a face. “I don’t think she knows what she is missing out on.”

Evan ducked his head. “You really can’t know that.”

“You said earlier I came highly recommended by Karen,” Tommy said with raised brows. “That tells me you’re already aware that Karen and Hen have pretty good judgment regarding the people they accept into their lives as friends. So, yeah, I do know that Abby is missing out on a good friendship and that it’s her loss.”

“Maybe she is just overwhelmed with everything with her mother and can’t deal with a new friendship on top of that,” Evan said. Then he sighed. “It’s probably stupid to think so much about that, right? I should just accept that we wanted different things and move on.”

“It’s not stupid,” Tommy promised. “And maybe you’re right about her being overwhelmed. But that still doesn’t change the fact that she is the one missing out. And you might be the one who gets saved from more disappointment on that front. There are better people in LA you can be friends with.”

“Oh, really?” Evan asked with a grin. “Any suggestions there? I’m pretty sure your friend Sal is not on the list, for example.”

“He might be if you don’t force him to lose at some game every time the two of you cross paths,” Tommy said.

Evan pursed his lips. “I’m not sure I can promise that.”

Tommy laughed. “But I’m right here and Sal went to lick his wounds in solitude. Though, basketball clearly is out as an activity to share. You mentioned something about climbing, does that include bouldering?”

“I haven’t done that in an age, but yeah, sure.” Evan nodded enthusiastically. “Do you know any good places around here? I can’t believe I’ve been here for nearly a year and have barely learned anything about this city!”

“The fire academy isn’t a walk in the park,” Tommy said. “And getting used to the work of a firefighter is an adjustment, too. I’m not surprised you haven’t explored a lot yet with all that on your schedule. I know a couple of places, indoors and outdoors.”

“Outdoors would be great,” Evan said.

 

Chapter 05

Tommy watched Karen carefully. She had fallen silent a while ago, swirling her wine in her glass and staring aimlessly out at some part of her flower beds. It wasn’t the kind of stare Tommy knew meant she had noticed something in her backyard that didn’t meet her expectations for her yard. It looked more as if she was lost to the world, trapped in whatever she was thinking about. Tommy knew that kind of stare, though he hadn’t witnessed it often from her, so he knew he could only wait for her to emerge from her thoughts.

It had been a couple of weeks since the last time Tommy had been at the Wilson’s house for a relaxed evening with Karen and Hen. That had been in late January, not long after Chimney’s accident, and somehow since then, life had just been too busy for all of them. Hen was spending time with Chimney tonight, so Tommy and Karen had retreated alone to her backyard once Karen had wrangled Denny to bed after dinner.

Eventually, Karen sighed deeply. “Have you heard anything about the investigation into Dr. Wells?”

“Officially, I never hear anything about these kinds of things,” Tommy said slowly.

“And unofficially?” Karen asked. “Because Buck told me this morning the DA’s office called him. They want him to come in for a conversation and want to secure the evidence of Dr. Wells’ contact with him through Facebook and email.”

“Oh?” Tommy raised his brows. “They’re working fast then. I know that unofficially everything was handed over to the DA’s office last week. There is a lot of blackmail and coercion involved, too, in the other cases. I’m glad it didn’t go that far for Evan.”

It had taken some digging for him to learn as much as he had, and typically Tommy wouldn’t have bothered to find any of this out. But he was worried about Evan, even if they were just starting to become friends. Tommy wanted to know what kind of trouble might be heading Evan’s way with all of this.

Rachel had been very careful about what she told him when Tommy had invited her to dinner, but Jonathan hadn’t been nearly as careful when Tommy had invited him for a beer. He had been especially outspoken about anything concerning Turner and his questionable work ethic. That was how Tommy had learned that there was at least one victim of Dr. Wells who had tried to complain three times, starting two years ago, and who had since left the LAFD.

Karen sighed. “But he picked up that it could’ve gone there. He was pretty clear about that when he told me about it the first time we talked about it. So she clearly said something to him that stuck in the back of his mind even if she didn’t outright blackmail him. Yet.”

“Evan went to her on a voluntary basis,” Tommy said. “I have to assume most of her victims were sent to her with the stipulation she needed to clear them before they could return to work. That would’ve put them in an even more vulnerable situation with her.”

Karen made a face. “I hate this. I mean, I understand why there are situations where it’s required for you to see a therapist to make sure you aren’t suffering unduly under what you experienced. But I hate the thought that anyone is so dependent on the word of a single person in these circumstances. Did she ruin some poor man’s career because he wouldn’t have sex with her? Did she do that to someone even after extorting sexual favors?”

“I’m sure we’ll eventually learn about it,” Tommy said. He didn’t know what had become of the man who had left the LAFD, didn’t even know his name. And he also didn’t know how many others there had been. “I don’t think they can keep this under wraps once it goes to trial.”

“You think it will go to trial?” Karen asked.

“I know, even more unofficially, that she is denying all accusations,” Tommy said.

“They managed to bury a whole lot in the past,” Karen said darkly. “Even when the accusations weren’t denied. So if it goes to trial, we still might not learn much more.”

Tommy exhaled sharply. “Yeah, but that was different. They had essentially protected someone who should be considered a serial killer for years. It would’ve been a huge hit for the whole LAFD if that had come to light. Dr. Wells isn’t part of the LAFD, even if she had a contract with the department. Theres not the motivation on their part to try so hard to cover everything up. Also, Gerrard knew that if he took it to trial or did anything to attract attention to the LAFD that they would push for murder charges. He didn’t want to risk that, so he took the manslaughter plea and kept his mouth shut. He had nothing to gain and a hell of a lot to lose if he went to the press.”

“And you think she would?” Karen asked, shocked.

Tommy shrugged. “She might try to play the victim in public.”

Rachel had mentioned that possibility in passing, and that had to mean they were preparing for that. Tommy really hoped it wouldn’t come to it. The best outcome would be if she pled guilty and took a plea deal because it would mean her victims wouldn’t have to go through a trial process. But for now, all they could do was wait and see where things would go.

Karen made an angry noise. “And she’d probably find too many people willing to listen to her because they don’t want to see that men can be the victims of sexual assault by women.”

“We can only hope that she’ll see sense once she understands that she left a lot of evidence behind if she contacted everyone the way she did Evan,” Tommy said.

“Yeah,” Karen muttered. “I fear she’ll retaliate somehow, and that Buck will be her target. Turner might have told her Buck reported her. He kept everyone from investigating her so far, after all. Is there some kind of connection between them?”

“Not as far as I know. But like I said, I don’t know much, and nothing official. I’m sure it’s something the investigators are looking into as well. Because either Turner neglected his duty — which is bad enough on its own — or he is her accomplice.”

Tommy frowned and emptied his glass. The situation with Turner should have been dealt with ten years ago when they had managed to finally get rid of Gerrard. Instead, Turner had stayed and caused who knew how much damage that had gone undetected so far, that might never be discovered without someone going through everything he had ever worked on. Tommy had found more trust in the LAFD since Gerrard had been arrested, but he didn’t trust them to go through that much work if their hand wasn’t forced.

Tommy sighed and held his glass out when Karen grabbed the bottle from where it stood beside her chair. She refilled both of their glasses and frowned a moment at the empty bottle before she put it on the ground again.

“You Ubered here?” Karen asked.

Tommy laughed. “I always Uber to our wine nights.”

Karen knew that, and still Tommy had to face this same question every single time.

“You’re coming to our barbeque next week, right?” Karen asked.

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Tommy promised.

“Do you think Sal might show up for once?”

“Is Bobby going to be in charge of the grill?” Tommy asked with raised brows. That would be answer enough.

Karen sighed. “I thought Sal might finally calm down about that a little. It’s been well over a year, and he got a really good deal at the 122, didn’t he?”

“Of course he did, but it’s still not the 118.” Tommy shrugged. Then he started to grin. “Though, I guess he has another reason to resent the 118 now. Evan definitely gave him one, at least for a while.”

“Oh?” Karen turned, her eyes gleaming. “Do tell?”

Tommy grinned widely as he told Karen about the basketball game, which somehow turned into talking about the hours he had spent afterward just talking with Evan. What had started as just a quick meal shared had soon turned into many hours of talking about all kinds of things.

Tommy didn’t even notice how much he was talking or that Karen was just letting him ramble on and on until he suddenly stared into his glass which was empty again.

Karen laughed. “You, my friend, are absolutely smitten!”

Tommy blew out a breath. “I am not!” The denial felt empty and weak even to his own ears.

Karen patted his shoulder. “It’s not a bad thing, you know? You’ve been looking for someone to fall in love with for a while. Sometimes you just meet the right person.”

Tommy shook his head. “Except that Evan is straight. And I’m trying to be his friend because I like him, and he clearly is in dire need of some friends.”

“Did Buck tell you he is straight?” Karen asked.

“Of course not,” Tommy rolled his eyes. “Chimney told me.”

Karen hummed and watched Tommy skeptically. “I’m not sure Chimney is someone you should listen to about this. From what Hen tells me, he’s been a little standoff-ish with Buck from the beginning.”

Tommy frowned, startled. “Why?”

Karen laughed. “Really, that should be pretty clear. You know Chimney. And you’ve gotten to know Buck a little, plus you’ve seen him. I love Chimney, and he is a good friend. But I’m not blind to his faults. Being jealous much too easily of a good-looking guy who is popular with women is honestly one of his biggest faults.”

Tommy made a face and shook his head. There was really nothing he could say to that. Chimney had a couple of hang-ups about being perceived as attractive by women, and that was more of a hindrance in his dating life than anything else.

“As far as I know you’re the only person he’s asked to call him Evan, at least here in LA,” Karen said softly. “Hen has told me he was pretty insistent in the beginning about being called Buck despite that being a nickname he only got at the fire academy because, apparently, there were too many Evans in his class.”

“I assumed it was a nickname reserved for friends,” Tommy said, surprised.

Karen grinned and raised her brows. “No. I think it’s a nickname that’s somehow turned into a little bit of a mask. One he decided not to wear with you from the very first moment he saw you.”

“Doesn’t have to mean anything,” Tommy murmured and rolled his head back to stare up into the night sky.

“True,” Karen admitted. “Buck might not be interested in anything more than friendship. But I promise you, he’s not the kind of guy who’ll turn away from a friendship if you offer something he’s not interested in.”

“It’s a stupid risk,” Tommy said darkly.

“A risk worth taking,” Karen said. “I’ll eat my hat if Buck isn’t some flavor of queer. Be a little bit brave, Tommy.”

Tommy just sighed deeply.

“It will be easier to build an honest friendship if that’s all Buck is open to if you clear that up now,” Karen continued. “Easier to keep your own emotions in check if you know exactly what to expect than if there is any reason to wonder, right?”

“Or it might break a promising friendship before it can even start.” Tommy felt he’d be putting Evan in exactly the same position Abby had put him in if he tried anything, and that was the last thing Evan deserved.

“Living by the mantra ‘it’s better to be his friend than scare him away with a possible romantic interest’ is stupid and will only break your heart in the end,” Karen said.

Tommy wet his lip. “I’m good at getting my heart broken.”

“Don’t be an idiot,” Karen said, glaring at him. “You deserve to be happy. You’ve had bad experiences in your past, fine. We all do. Some might be less haunting than yours, but others are pretty similar. But none of that takes away from the fact that every single one of us deserves to find happiness.”

“Talking about bad experiences of the past. How’s it going with Hen’s past rearing its ugly head again?” Tommy would happily grab that tangent, even though he knew the conversation about that topic had to be kept vague.

Karen turned her head to look at the backdoor leading into the kitchen. Denny might be in bed, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t walk out in search of her at any moment. Keeping things vague or not discussing things that Denny shouldn’t overhear had been one of the first house rules of the Wilsons Tommy had learned when he had first started to come around more often.

“We’re dealing with it,” Karen said carefully. “We got a restraining order, and I’m pretty sure it’s only a matter of time until that’s broken. But you aren’t going to distract me, Tommy.”

“If you want to talk about it, my door is open. There are no curious little ears around at my house.”

Karen nodded. “I’ll take you up on that, probably pretty soon. I deserve some time to rant about all of this, but I don’t feel Hen should have to listen to any of it. I walked into this with my eyes wide open, and Hen is struggling in her own way with this.”

***

“You know, I’ve never been here before,” Hen said as they finally reached the overlook behind the Hollywood sign. The sign was a little below them now, and beyond the huge letters the view of Los Angeles was breathtaking.

Buck laughed. “No way! You said you grew up here in LA, and you never went to the Hollywood sign before?”

Hen shrugged and turned. “So what? Living here means most of the things tourists are so fascinated by aren’t really all that exciting!”

“You grew up in Hershey, right?” Bobby asked, sounding amused. “Did you go to all the tourist hotspots there while growing up?”

Buck nodded. “Of course I did! Maddie took me to a lot of them once she had her driver’s license. She always said I needed to know the town I came from.”

“Maddie?” Hen asked.

“Oh,” Buck sighed. “My sister. She’s a lot older than me. I was in elementary school when she got her driver’s license. But even before that, she used to take me to the zoo and the chocolate world or the gardens all the time. And I think we went to Hersheypark every summer at least twice until she left for college.”

“Sounds like a great sister,” Hen said, smiling.

Buck turned around to the view over the city so he wouldn’t have to look at them. “Yeah, she is.”

Remembering how close they had been once always made him wonder what had changed about that. Both of them growing up and Maddie starting to build her own life was surely a huge part of that, but Buck couldn’t explain how they had ended up where they were now, with Maddie not even picking up his calls or sending a short text. He hadn’t heard from her for nearly three years now.

“Where is Maddie now?” Bobby asked.

Buck plastered on a grin he hoped didn’t look as fake as it felt. “Living her best life in Hershey. She’s a bad-ass ER nurse.”

The way Hen looked at him, Buck suspected she had seen right through him. For a moment he feared she would call him out on it, but in the end, she sent him a sad smile.

“This isn’t exactly a tourist hotspot anyway,” Hen said. “As you might have noticed by us being alone up here. People want to look at the sign, but not from the back.”

“That’s the reason we’re here,” Bobby said. “I told you, I much prefer the places tourists usually don’t bother to visit. If you really want to get to know a place, that’s the way to do it.”

Hen chuckled. “Not sure this place counts as ‘getting to know LA’. Though, I have to admit the view is great. And the hike was okay.”

Buck grinned. It had taken some time to convince Hen to join them for the hike. She might have signed up to help Buck and Bobby learn more about LA, but she had been very adamant about her dislike of hikes. There were other hikes around the Griffith Observatory and a little farther out of town that Buck was excited to explore, but Hen clearly wouldn’t be a partner for that. Maybe he would ask Tommy about it. He seemed to be the kind of guy to enjoy any outdoor activity, and Buck definitely wanted to spend more time with him.

“Do you know that the sign originally read Hollywoodland?” Buck asked.

Hen laughed. “Yeah, I know.”

“I didn’t know that!” Bobby said.

Hen groaned but waved her hand at Buck. “Okay then, tell us what you learned on your latest research binge.”

“It wasn’t even the latest!” Buck protested. “I read up on the Hollywood sign when I was stuck at the airport in Lima because my flight was overbooked and I had given up my seat so a family could fly home right away. I thought I should know some things about LA before coming here.”

“And the most important thing to know was the history of the Hollywood Sign?” Hen asked skeptically.

“Probably not,” Buck admitted and shrugged. “But you know how it is. You follow a trail of links and then don’t even remember how you ended up where you are half an hour later.”

Bobby shook his head. “Never happened to me, kid. So, why was it Hollywoodland originally?”

“It was supposed to be an advertisement for a housing development in the region by the name Hollywoodland,” Buck explained and ignored Hen’s deep sigh. “They wanted to keep it up for a year to eighteen months, and spent a lot of money getting the letters up here, installing them, and then surrounding each letter with light bulbs. There were around 4000 lightbulbs used originally, and the words ‘Holly’, ‘Wood’ and ‘Land’ could be lit up individually.”

“That’s a lot of light,” Bobby said with a frown.

“And a lot of electricity for the 1920s,” Buck agreed. “Anyway, because it became a very recognizable landmark very fast, they left it. The light show was turned off in 1933, and ‘LAND’ was removed in 1949. There was some discussion about taking it down completely because the H had been destroyed by that point anyway. But in the end, it was agreed that the H would be restored and the ‘LAND’ taken down so it would represent the region and not the housing development anymore.”

“I had no idea there was so much to know about the sign,” Bobby said.

Buck turned to him, his gaze lowered. “There is more.”

Bobby grinned. “I’m sure. But I’m also sure Hen might try to shove you down the hill if we keep boring her with it. I’m sure we’ll find time for you to tell me rest when Hen’s not forced to listen to it.”

“I’d never throw our probie down the slope,” Hen protested. “We’d have to call 911 for a rescue, and who knows who’d show up for that. There are enough people who’d never let us forget it!”

“If they needed a helicopter that would be a job for the 217, right? Might be Tommy showing up.”

Hen sent him a look, one brow raised. “Only if he took an extra shift. He works A just like us.”

“Tommy as in our Tommy Kinard?” Bobby asked surprised. “I didn’t know you knew him, Buck.”

“I met him recently. When I was at headquarters because they wanted me to answer some questions about Dr. Wells, actually.” Buck shrugged uncomfortably. “He made sure I talked to someone who’d actually listen after I was dismissed outright at first. Now the DA’s office is handling it, so I assume there is a lot more going on with that than just her climbing in my lap during an appointment.”

Bobby winced.

Buck watched him carefully. A while ago, when he and Karen had been looking at potential apartments for him – none of which had turned out to be promising at all – Karen had told him that he might need to talk with Bobby again about that whole mess. Buck had very pointedly avoided that conversation since he had blurted it out when they had gathered to talk about how to help Bobby.

“Would you have listened to me if I had come to you about it right after it happened?” Buck bit his lip. That wasn’t what he had wanted to say, how he had wanted to ask that question.

Bobby gasped quietly and seemed to stagger a little despite all of them standing still and admiring the beautiful view of LA. He lowered his gaze and exhaled slowly.

“I hope I would have,” Bobby said slowly. “Filing a complaint against her on your behalf was my duty as your captain. Supporting you should have been my duty as your captain and … hopefully as your friend.”

Buck worried his lip between his teeth when Bobby looked up again and there was a deep pain shining in his eyes.

“I’m not sure if my first reaction would have been one of support if you hadn’t stormed out of the kitchen before anyone could say anything,” Bobby said quietly. “And I’m so sorry for that. With some distance, I was very glad that you left before I had a chance to put my foot in my mouth.”

Buck blinked, feeling wrong-footed and speechless. That wasn’t what he had expected to hear from Bobby. Especially not an apology for something that hadn’t even happened.

Bobby waved a hand in Hen’s direction. “Hen told me that I did some things wrong in my approach to you even before that, so it’s really no surprise you didn’t trust me enough to come to me with that whole situation.”

“I didn’t think there was anything to talk to you about,” Buck said hurriedly. “I felt pretty bad about it, but I didn’t think something was really wrong until Karen told me.” At least, what he had felt was wrong had all been focused on himself, not on the possibility of Dr. Wells crossing any lines.

“Whatever you need going forward in that situation, I have your back, Buck,” Bobby promised. “And I’ll try to be less … judgmental about whatever you get up to outside of work. As long as you don’t bring it to work.”

Buck felt himself blush and rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, I think I learned that lesson.”

“Johnson was written up for sending you out alone twice, by the way,” Bobby said. “I probably should’ve made that clear when all of that happened. Sending out a probie by himself as part of maintenance work is stupid and ill-considered and only creates more work. But that was on Johnson, not on you.”

Buck frowned. “I didn’t even know you talked to him at all. I … The second time he sent me out, I did ask him a couple of times if he was sure I should be taking the ladder truck out to listen for that strange sound the engine made. Because you didn’t seem too happy I had taken it out by myself even without the detour I took.”

There had been some ongoing problems with the ladder truck’s engine at the time and they had tried to repair it in-house for a couple of weeks because initially it hadn’t appeared to be something big. Shortly after the situation with Devon, they’d had to use a different ladder truck for nearly three weeks while their own had gotten the entire engine block replaced. Buck had honestly suspected that that would be the outcome from the first time Johnson had let him help while working on it, but Buck understood why they had tried to solve the problem by themselves first.

“Generally, no one should ever take any of the vehicles out by themselves,” Hen said. “Except if there are very dire circumstances, like when you helped Athena rescue that little girl from the burglars.”

“I got that now,” Buck promised quietly.

“I judged you for what I perceived as sleeping around,” Bobby said. “Hen sat me down a while ago and walked me through all the instances where you talked about your dates during a shift. I should’ve noticed that most of the time you didn’t bring it up on your own, just were very open when others asked about it.”

Buck frowned. “There is nothing wrong with talking about having sex.”

Bobby sighed. “You and I come from very different backgrounds and generations on that topic, Buck. I was taught there was everything wrong with talking about having sex, even or maybe especially with your girlfriend or wife. Having sex might already be a problem, even. Especially with random people.”

Buck leaned back and stared at Bobby bewildered. “That’s … bullshit. How’d you make sure you both enjoyed it if you didn’t talk about it?”

Bobby chuckled. “See, there right there might be the problem. In some circles of the Catholic Church enjoying sex at all is already deeply frowned upon. I learned better, over time, of course. But some things are just stuck in my head and I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to let go of them.”

“But you won’t force your own opinion on Buck anymore when he starts dating again, right?” Hen asked with raised brows. “Or on anyone else, for that matter.”

Bobby raised his hands in defeat. “I promise I won’t. It’s none of my business what you enjoy doing in your free time.”

Buck smiled hesitantly and ducked his head. “No dating right now. So, I won’t tax your patience for a while.”

“Weren’t you talking to that dispatcher on the phone?” Bobby asked. “That seemed to be something pretty serious.”

Buck made a face. “Yeah, I thought so, too. Though, more friendship for me than anything else. But it turned out she was mostly looking to get laid and lost her patience in the end. You aren’t the only one who looks at me and thinks that’s probably all I’m good for.”

“That’s not…” Bobby groaned and dragged his fingers through his hair. “That’s really not what I think about you, Buck.”

Buck shrugged. “Something about me clearly makes people think that’s all I can provide them.”

“Then people aren’t taking more than a glance at you,” Bobby said.

Buck smiled hesitantly and ducked his head. That compliment hit surprisingly close to home, especially as Bobby had just admitted to having judged Buck just the same until recently.

“The thing with Abby was bad luck,” Hen said. “And those other people you’re talking about you met through apps whose target audience is exactly the kind of person who doesn’t want anything more than to get laid. Be a little patient, Buck, and I’m sure you’ll find your person.”

Buck sighed. “Yeah, I’m not going to go looking any time soon. So, we’re good about that whole Wells thing, right?”

“Of course we are,” Bobby promised. “Like I said, you’ll have all the support you need. You mentioned the DA’s office, so you might have to testify at some point?”

“I’m not thinking about that yet,” Buck muttered and crossed his arms over his chest as he turned away from them slightly. “I mean, I will if I have to. Because I don’t want her to get away and have the chance to hurt other people again. I’m pretty sure she hurt others way more than she hurt me, and she’d just do that again, right?”

“Probably,” Hen agreed.

“But for the moment I can still hope she’ll take a plea deal and be done with it,” Buck said.

Hen bumped her shoulder against his. “We’ll hope with you. But whatever happens, we have your back.”

 

Chapter 06

Buck laughed and dropped down on the blanket beside Tommy, carefully balancing his plate of steak and potato salad. He felt famished and couldn’t wait to devour what Tanika and Bobby had put together. He had lost all sense of time after Denny begged him to join the children in their game of tag.

“Hey,” Buck said with a wide grin to Tommy, Tanika, and her husband, Martin.

“Did you have fun with the hellions?” Tanika asked.

Buck raised his brows. “You know your own two are part of the group you call hellions, right?”

“I know exactly who I’m calling a hellion,” Tanika said gravely. “They’re mine and I love them, but I’m fully aware of their faults.” She cocked her head with a smile. “Not many people get along with kids as easily as you do.”

Buck shrugged and ducked his head, shoving some potatoes in his mouth. “You just need to remember that they might be small humans, but they’re still fully fledged humans. They understand a lot if you don’t treat them like idiots.”

“Most people without kids, heck, even those with kids, struggle to be patient enough to listen to them to understand that, though,” Martin said.

“That was always the easy part,” Buck said. “It’s just doing what we wish had been done for us when we were kids, right?”

“Sounds like a good method for dealing with children,” Tommy agreed. “There is a lot of sh—” He coughed when Tanika punched his knee before the curse word could leave his mouth. “Things I heard growing up I’d rather no child ever have to hear again.”

Tanika pointed a finger at him. “And curse words are definitely part of that, Tommy Kinard! Just because you ran away to your helicopters doesn’t mean the rules at these gatherings have changed for you!”

Buck laughed. “No one told me anything about rules! All I was told was when and where to show up yesterday to help Hen get all the drinks and snacks and the meat from the store and carry them inside.”

“There is no teaching of bad habits to the kids,” Tommy said. “I think that rule was created because Sal and Chimney got a little carried away some years ago and all the kids were suddenly running around shouting shit and asshole at each other.”

This time Tanika hit his knee much harder.

Buck laughed. “I guess you can be lucky the kids are all crowding Bobby right now for food and can’t hear you!”

“He is very lucky!” Tanika said darkly.

Tommy just shrugged with a wide grin as he shoved a piece of cake into his mouth.

Buck watched him, gaze lowered. “Where did you get cake? I didn’t see that anywhere.”

“It’s hidden until later,” Tommy said, smugly.

“Where?” Buck asked.

“I’m not going to share Hen and Karen’s secrets,” Tommy said. “You’ll just have to be fast enough to get your own share later on.”

“There is enough cake for everyone,” Martin promised. “Rick’s been with this rag-tag group long enough to know how much cake to bring. Tommy is just greedy.”

“How often do events like this happen?” Buck asked. “I know there was one just a couple of weeks after I started at the 118.”

“And you were invited!” Tanika said, pointing a finger at him. “You should’ve come!”

Buck ducked his head. He hadn’t felt very comfortable with anyone on their shift yet when that had happened, so he had ignored the invitation outright. It wouldn’t have been the first time he’d been invited to something out of obligation without really being welcome there. Buck had only understood some time later that it wouldn’t have been like that with the 118.

“I already had plans that day,” Buck claimed to explain his absence. He honestly didn’t remember if he truly had already had those plans or if he had hurriedly made them to have a reason not to show up after he had been invited.

“Usually we try to have a party like this every other month or so,” Tanika said. “It has been a little less regular in general over the past year because people have been busy with other things. But I’ve already spoken with Karen and we’re going to try a little harder again.”

“I don’t have any space to host,” Buck said. “But I’m happy to help with anything else.”

“I heard you’re looking for a new apartment,” Tanika said grinning. “Weren’t you looking at listings the other day during our downtime? You could look for a place where you could host a party like this.”

Buck huffed and rolled his eyes. “That would require way more space than I need for myself! The room I have now already feels too big sometimes.”

“What kind of places did you live in in the past?” Martin asked.

Buck shrugged. “My Jeep, mostly? I traveled a lot and half the time I just got a space at a camping ground and pitched my tent. Other times the jobs I got came with rooms, but those were never very big. And now I’m sharing a house with six other guys and have my own bathroom with my room. I really don’t need that much space.”

“If you need help with the search for an apartment, just say the word,” Tanika said.

Buck laughed. “Karen has already taken that over. I’m pretty sure she’s all the help I’ll need!” Very quietly, he added, “All the help I can handle, honestly.”

The other three heard him, though, and all laughed.

“What was your most exciting job?” Martin asked. “It sounds like you did a lot of things before becoming a firefighter.”

“I did!” Buck grinned. “Though, I’d argue being a firefighter is the most exciting. But I’ve been part of two different wilderness SAR teams over the years. The first one picked me up because I went hiking with a guy who turned out to be an idiot.”

Tanika leaned forward. “That’s a story I need to hear!”

Buck laughed and ended up telling them about nearly being dragged into a ravine on what should’ve been a comparatively easy hike with just small parts of climbing involved. In retrospect, it was a funny memory, at least for him. And it was what had ultimately led him here because the captain of the team that had shown up to save Buck’s temporary hiking partner had offered Buck a job and then taught him a lot about rope rescues.

Eventually, their little group split up as the party moved on. Buck meandered from one group to the next. The afternoon sped by much too quickly and Buck was surprised when people suddenly started to leave, because he hadn’t even noticed how late it had gotten.

Buck was the last to stay, insisting that he should help Hen and Karen tidy up their yard and house. Earlier, when he had played with the children, he had tried to keep them away from Karen’s flower beds. As much as Karen talked about them, she clearly valued them a lot, so he didn’t want them to be ruined. But the rest of the yard still looked exactly as chaotic as one would expect after a party.

“Did you have fun?” Hen asked as they carried two folding tables to the shed in the back of the yard.

Buck grinned. “It was great. I’ll definitely help remind everyone how long it’s been since the last party like this was. I like the idea of just spending time with everyone outside of work. Especially with all the families included.”

“You didn’t show up last time,” Hen said. “I was a little worried gathering like this might not be your thing. I know you never went to one of Chimney’s game nights either.”

Buck shrugged. “Chimney never invited me.”

“Oh.” Hen frowned, then she shook her head. “I thought he had.”

“I honestly think I rub Chimney the wrong way,” Buck said.

Hen huffed. “He still should have invited you! He knows what’s it like to be left out of team bonding things, and that’s what his game nights are.”

Buck bit his lip and decided that Hen deserved his honesty. “You know the real reason why I didn’t come to the last party? I wasn’t sure if the invitation had been genuine or if it had been made out of obligation. I spent my entire childhood being an unwanted obligation. I’ve learned not to force myself on people who don’t want me.”

Hen lowered her gaze and inhaled slowly. “We want you.”

Buck grinned. “Yeah, I’ve learned that. I came today, didn’t I? But Chimney clearly doesn’t want me at his game nights. And that’s perfectly okay. I think we both rub each other a little bit the wrong way.”

“I didn’t notice,” Hen said quietly.

“Because we’re both professional, even if we sometimes have downtime where it’s all pretty easygoing and not very professional at all.”

Hen laughed at his description of their shift. There were a lot of daily tasks to take care of when they weren’t on a call, but they usually had enough downtime to get up to some shenanigans. There were ongoing tournaments for different video games and board games they played during that time, and sometimes the arguments about those could get very heated.

Buck grinned for a moment, but then he shrugged. “I hated every time he talked about Tatiana and how he treated her. No one else seemed to agree with me until the day he told us he had proposed to her, so I just didn’t say anything.”

“What do you mean?”

Buck sent her a look. “I know you’re aware of all the lying. You and Bobby finally called Chimney out for it right before his accident. He would come on shift and brag about his latest date with her where she complimented his cooking — when we all knew Bobby had cooked for him — and where he bragged about how insatiable she had been when he had talked about whatever rescue maneuver someone other than him had performed. And it was always clear he was telling her he had done those things!”

Hen winced. “Yeah. Chim’s always been … It’s difficult to convince him that people like him for who he is. So he puts up a front.”

“That’s not putting up a front, though,” Buck said, shaking his head. “That’s lying about everything to a romantic partner. And then he falls for his own lies somehow, or why else would he have asked her to marry him? Is he always like that with women?”

Hen shrugged. “As I said, he is super insecure about his self-worth and tries to compensate.”

“So, that’s a yes,” Buck said. He wasn’t so sure about Hen’s assessment — his own impression of Chimney was quite different. But he also didn’t know Chimney very well, so he wouldn’t argue with her about it.

Hen sighed deeply. “You aren’t exactly wrong. I do hope the whole mess with Tatiana has taught him that he needs to be more honest. But for now, he seems to be in the mood to just hook up with someone for one night and then move on.”

Buck laughed mirthlessly. “So the exact same thing he’d call me out for?”

“I’m pretty sure Chim would argue against that,” Hen said, laughing. “But basically, yeah, exactly that.”

“I hope he is honest to those women at least,” Buck said. “I can’t even fathom lying to a person I intended to become intimate with.”

“You can’t believe everyone you ever hooked up with was absolutely truthful with you about everything,” Hen said, her brow raised skeptically.

“That’s not what I said. But I know I was truthful with them, and that’s what’s important to me. There are some horrible men out there — I’d never fault a woman for giving me a false name or making up some story about where she’s from to protect herself.”

Hen hummed.

Buck huffed as Hen closed and locked the shed. “How did we get here? All I wanted to say was that I don’t mind Chimney not inviting me to his game nights. I wouldn’t go to them anyway because I know he wouldn’t really want to have me there. But I’m very much looking forward to the next party like this.”

“Tanika is next in line to host,” Hen said.

“I know,” Buck said. “She tried to convince me to find a place big enough so that I could host too.”

Hen laughed and Buck shoved her away. He followed Hen to the grill, which Bobby had happily abandoned without cleaning. At the station, Bobby always made other people clean the kitchen after he cooked and until today Buck had assumed it was about distributing the work a little more equally, since he was always the one cooking. Now he suspected that Bobby just hated cleaning up after cooking and was happy to have an excuse on shift to order others to do it for him.

“Do you always invite the people who used to work with the 118 and moved on?” Buck asked.

Hen grinned. “You mean, do we always invite Tommy? That answer would be yes. We invite some others who’ve transferred to other stations, but they don’t join very often. I heard you met Sal. He’s never joined us since he left our shift.”

“Because he holds a grudge against Bobby,” Buck said. “Tommy told me about that. And I might have made it worse.”

Hen laughed. “Yeah, heard that, too. I would’ve loved to see it.”

“So, I guess there are just no secrets to be had in this group, huh?” Buck asked with raised brows, wondering whether Tommy or Sal had told Hen about the basketball game.

“Some things just make you grow really close,” Hen said. “But we all know not to gossip about things people have confided in us about.”

Buck watched her with a lowered gaze. “Do you expect me to confide about something?”

Hen hummed. “You already did. As did Bobby.”

Buck sighed and turned to the grill, lifting the grate out of it and grabbing the brush hanging at the side of the grill so he could start cleaning it. “I know. And I never doubted that you’d keep quiet about it, Hen.”

“But if there was something else you wanted to share, I wouldn’t talk about it with others either.”

Buck looked at her with a frown. “What do you mean?”

Hen grinned widely. “I just noticed that you and Tommy seemed pretty close. I think most of the time today you two were practically glued at the hip.”

Buck didn’t know why he felt himself blush at that comment. He honestly hadn’t noticed if Hen’s observation was true or not, but he still felt the need to protest. “I’m sure you got that wrong.”

“I didn’t,” Hen said. Buck huffed and Hen chuckled. “Don’t fault me for being curious!”

“What’s there to be curious about me finding a new friend?” Buck asked confused. “He’s a great guy, and we share a couple of interests. Not basketball, though. We’re meeting tomorrow to go bouldering.”

Hen patted his shoulder. “Okay, I’ll leave it alone.”

Buck shook his head, still confused about what made her so curious about his friendship with Tommy. But he decided just to ignore it, just like he was decidedly not thinking about the reason why he felt so flustered by her questions.

***

Tommy took a deep breath and studied the rock above him carefully. It was a particularly difficult place to climb, and Evan had failed a handful of times to get over the slight overhang. Tommy’s laughter had prompted Evan to challenge him to try it himself and of course, Tommy hadn’t hesitated to agree.

Tommy hadn’t been here for several years, hadn’t even been bouldering for nearly as long, but he had managed to take on this part of the path before. Evan had asked for an outdoor place to go bouldering, and this place was one Tommy had gone to frequently when he had been bouldering regularly. There were mats placed on the ground which were maintained by the climbing hall half an hour’s hike away, but the location wasn’t shared widely by the people who knew about it.

“Not so confident anymore now that you’re up there yourself, huh?” Evan said and sounded much too smug about it.

Tommy tried not to let himself be distracted. He not only had to prove something now, but he also felt a deep urge to impress Evan. He knew how to get past this spot, he just needed his muscle memory to not let him down.

Tommy bent his knees and fixed his sight on the spot where he knew a gap in the stone was hidden just out of sight that would provide the handhold he needed to pull himself up. It was only visible if you were above the overhang and far enough away from where Tommy was that he would only reach it with a jump, so someone new to this place barely had a chance to find the right technique to get past this spot.

Tommy’s jump was accompanied by a gasp from Evan. His fingers brushed over the stone, and he nearly missed the gap. He gritted his teeth and used the force of his jump to swing his legs and blindly find the ledge to push himself up over the overhang and move his hands to a better hold in the rock a little farther up. Then he pulled himself up completely.

Evan cheered and Tommy turned his head to grin down at him. He pushed himself away from the rock and landed on the mats on the ground with a loud thud, brushing his hands against his pants.

“That looked risky,” Evan said, but he was eyeing the wall as if he was planning to tackle it again at any moment.

“There’s a hidden handhold. One you have to know about if you want to get past that place,” Tommy admitted. “Nothing someone who hasn’t been here before could know.”

“Yeah, I figured that out with your maneuver,” Evan mumbled. Then he turned to Tommy with a bright grin and gleaming eyes. “Now I know about it!”

Tommy laughed and waved at the wall. “Try your luck.”

Evan did exactly that. The spot with the overhang was maybe twelve feet up the wall, and Evan reached it in no time at all. Tommy figured he’d tried to get past that place maybe half a dozen times already because Evan clearly was the kind of guy who didn’t let a challenge pass him by, so he knew very well by now how to get to the place where he had failed before.

Evan didn’t hesitate for long in that place before he took the jump. Tommy whistled when Evan managed to find the grip on his first try, but his legs swung past the ledge he could use to push himself up, and he missed the ledge again when he swung back down. For a moment Evan was hanging at the wall, then he let go and landed on the mats.

“You nearly got it!” Tommy cheered.

Evan laughed. “Yeah, but that’s not good enough!”

He went back up the wall right away, and this time when he made the jump his foot hit the ledge and he pushed himself up over the overhang. Evan cried out in triumph, but his excitement made him lose his hold on the rock. He managed to push himself away from the wall, but lost his balance when he landed on the mats. He rolled onto his back, stretching his arms and legs out like a starfish, and laughed loudly.

“That was great!” Evan exclaimed.

Tommy chuckled. “It was great. I think it took me half a day before I got that move right.”

“But you also still remembered how to do it years later!” Evan said. “You said earlier you hadn’t been here for three years or something like that.”

“True,” Tommy admitted.

He held out his hand and Evan sat up to grab it. Tommy pulled the still laughing Evan to his feet, and his breath hitched when suddenly they were chest to chest, their clasped hands trapped between them. Tommy wet his lips and Evan’s eyes darted down.

“I’d really like to kiss you,” Tommy whispered.

Evan’s pupils blew and he blushed. His gaze darted from Tommy’s lips to his eyes and back. “Yeah.”

That was all the invitation Tommy needed. He pushed Evan’s chin up with two fingers and kissed him. For a moment, time seemed to freeze and everything else ceased to exist, only Evan’s warm lips pressing against his remained real. It had been a long time since a first kiss had filled him with so much warmth and had made his heart flutter in his chest like this. When Tommy pulled back — seconds, minutes, hours later — he kept his eyes closed, savoring the moment for just another second.

When Tommy opened his eyes, he was confronted with Evan staring at him wide-eyed and flushed, his mouth slightly agape. He looked just as awestruck as Tommy felt.

“That okay?” Tommy whispered.

Evan nodded slowly. “Yeah.”

Tommy took a deep breath, but before he could think of anything else to say, Evan’s hand was cupping the back of his neck and pulling him into another kiss. It was just as amazing as the first kiss, just as warm and overwhelming and addictive.

“Get a room!” someone shouted and laughter erupted near them.

Tommy flipped them off without looking despite the comment waking old and deep-seated discomfort that he had worked very hard to let go of. He took half a step back and inhaled deeply. “Want to grab coffee?” he asked, because climbing was the last thing on his mind now.

Evan nodded slowly, then his gaze snapped up and a warm, excited smile spread over his face. “Yes. Let’s go grab coffee.”

***

Tommy watched Evan with a bemused smile. It had been an hour since he had followed Karen’s advice to be brave. The hike back to the climbing hall where they had left their cars had been spent in very comfortable silence, their arms or shoulders or hands brushing against each other regularly. Tommy just hadn’t been able to stray far from him, and it had seemed to be the same for Evan.

The mood had shifted slightly once they had arrived at the coffee shop in their separate cars. Suddenly Evan was visibly nervous, shifting around in his chair and his gaze wandering over the tables around them over and over again. But he had his legs stretched out under the table, and Tommy reveled in the warmth of their calves pressed together.

“No one is watching us, Evan,” Tommy said softly.

He remembered that kind of nervousness, was still sometimes overcome by it at the strangest moments. Tommy could sympathize with Evan, and he wanted to help ease him, but maybe that would mean looking for another place to have this conversation.

Evan huffed. “Yeah, I know.” He rubbed his hands over his thighs and sighed.

“So, maybe it’s just me making you nervous, then,” Tommy said to lighten the mood.

Evan chuckled and looked at Tommy heatedly. “Oh yeah, that’s definitely true.” He didn’t seem to be any less nervous, but he did stop watching their surroundings as if he feared they would be accosted at any moment.

Tommy winked at him and took a sip of his coffee. It wasn’t the best coffee he’d ever had, but they hadn’t looked far to find a place to sit down. The coffee really wasn’t the important part at all anyway.

“You surprised me a little,” Evan murmured. He looked down at the table and bit his lip. “I’ve never dated a dude before. Never even kissed a man before, to be honest.”

“Ah,” Tommy cleared his throat and straightened his back.

Under the table, Evan pressed their legs together a bit more firmly, and that took away some of the worry his words had immediately brought. Tommy swallowed and tried to remind himself that it was stupid to worry about it.

Evan ducked his head and smiled bashfully. “I mean, I’ve always been an ally. Or at least tried to be a good ally.”

Tommy hummed.

“But I never…” Evan shrugged. “Checking out a hot guy’s ass is totally normal, right?”

Tommy raised his brows. “I’ve never checked out a woman because I felt like it.”

Evan blinked. “Oh. But … Why’d you do it if you didn’t feel like it?”

“Because it was expected,” Tommy said. “I served in the army while DADT was in effect.”

Evan frowned. “Right, you mentioned that. And that it made it impossible for you to trust the Army psychologist you saw.”

Tommy inclined his head. “Going out with the guys always came with the expectation that each of us should try to go home with a woman at the end of the night.”

Evan made a face. “I hate that kind of group dynamic.”

Tommy chuckled listlessly. “Hard to escape it in the Army. Was hard to escape for a long time with any group from the LAFD, too. So I pretended to find women attractive and check them out, because that was what everyone expected of me. And not doing so could’ve led to very uncomfortable or maybe even dangerous questions.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through bullshit like that,” Evan said with a deep frown. “And I’m sorry for asking. This isn’t the best topic for a first date.”

Tommy shook his head smiling and pushed his hand over the table to where Evan’s hands were resting until their knuckles brushed together. He hadn’t been sure where this was going, what getting coffee together necessarily meant even before Evan had admitted that Tommy had just pushed him into very new territory. Getting the confirmation that they at least hoped for the same thing here was reassuring.

“The good thing about going on a date with someone you’ve already known for a little while is that the initial meeting-a-new-person-awkwardness is already out of the way,” Tommy said.

Evan grinned. “Yeah, fair.”

“So, when did you check out my ass for the first time?”

Evan laughed loudly. “Fishing for compliments, huh? Your ass wasn’t the first thing I noticed. Your hands, though…” He curled his fingers around Tommy’s hand and rubbed his thumbs over the knuckles. “You know, I suddenly feel very stupid that I didn’t realize all along how much I’m sometimes attracted to guys.”

“Nothing stupid about that,” Tommy said softly. “Sometimes we need time to figure things out. Or someone to point them out for us.”

Evan grinned and squeezed Tommy’s hand. “I really like your way of pointing things out to me. I’m looking forward to more of that.”

Tommy felt heat rise to his face when there really was no reason for that. “Good to know.”

Evan cleared his throat. “In light of us already knowing each other and building on that, I have a request.”

“Okay,” Tommy nodded.

“I’m really excited right now,” Evan said slowly. “But I also really enjoy the friendship we’ve been building over the past couple weeks. So, if we notice during the next date, or the one after that, or hell, the fiftieth date, that this isn’t a fit for us, I want us to work on regaining that friendship.”

Tommy felt his heart skip a beat or two. Not about the request he very much agreed with, but about Evan so easily and happily talking about a future with many more dates to come.

“Sounds like the perfect plan,” Tommy agreed with a smile, holding onto Evan’s hand and hoping they could have both in the end.

 

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