Reading Time: 93 Minutes

Title: Ink on a Page
Author: CorgiQueen14
Fandom: 9-1-1
Genre: Action Adventure, Contemporary, Episode Related, Family, Pre-Relationship, Romance
Relationship(s): Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Content Rating: PG-13
Warnings: *No Mandatory Warnings Apply. Canon Typical Violence, Ana Flores Unfriendly, Diaz Parents Unfriendly
Author Note: Thanks for reading! I hope you like it!
Beta: Chris_hotrod2000, Grammarly
Word Count: 54,134
Summary: When Eddie was shot by the sniper, Buck’s world fell apart. When Eddie is placed into a medically induced coma, Buck receives the news that Eddie made him his power of attorney and Christopher’s legal guardian. Reeling from the news, he did his best to take care of Christopher and make Eddie’s medical decisions in accordance with Eddie’s wishes. If only the other people in Eddie’s life understood that, instead of challenging Buck at every turn.
Artist: germankitty
Artist Appreciation: A big thank you to the incredible germankitty! I really enjoyed chatting with you over the last few months, and I love your art!!

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Chapter 1:

Buck wasn’t sure what to make of Eddie Diaz when he first met him.

Buck had been at the 118 for over a year and was finally starting to feel like he had a handle on things. He finished his probationary year, he had a girlfriend, even if she was out of town for a while, and he finally felt like the urge that had driven him to keep moving from place to place for the last few years was well and truly gone. For the first time in a long time, Evan Buckley felt like he belonged somewhere.

So, when Eddie Diaz showed up at the 118, Buck didn’t know how he felt about the situation.

At first, he thought he would hate him. Everyone else in the station acted like Eddie was so wonderful, and Buck, who had only recently gotten onto steady ground there, couldn’t help but feel jealous.

Maybe it was part of the pain he felt after Abby had left, but Buck couldn’t help but lash out at Eddie for being so perfect.

It wasn’t fair.

It’d taken so long for the 118 to treat him like he was competent, yet Eddie got their respect on the first day?

Admittedly, a good portion of that was his own fault due to several incidents of him stealing a firetruck for hookups, but still.

It didn’t help that Eddie could show him up on calls or that everyone thought he was so much better than Buck.

“There’s no need to be threatened by me.” Eddie had told him on his second day at the 118. “We do the same thing. I’ve just done it while people are shooting at me, that’s all.”

Buck had somehow bristled even more after he said that, especially once he learned that Hen and Chimney had been telling Eddie about how Abby had dumped him. Which, for the record, she hadn’t. She was finding herself after her mother had died. That was understandable.

There was just so much going on. After years of radio silence, Buck had his sister show up out of the blue, and things were crazy at work…Buck wasn’t proud of how he acted, but he somewhat understood it.

And then it all changed when they had a call about a grenade stuck in a man’s leg.

Buck was terrified the entire time, though he tried not to show it.

Eddie, on the other hand? He was calm, and Buck couldn’t help but admire that.

Once they got out of the back of that ambulance and the patient was stable, Eddie finally turned to him.

“You’re badass under pressure, brother,” he said with an easy smile.

Buck had the sudden urge to check behind him to see if there was someone else Eddie was talking to. But, as it turned out, Eddie was talking to him.

“Me?” he finally said, a surprised smile on his face.

“Hell yeah.” Eddie grinned at him, holding out his hand. “You can have my back any day.”

Buck grinned back at him. “Or, you know, you could have mine.”

“Okay.” Eddie laughed slightly, and the warm glow continued to grow inside Buck.

~~

Things changed from that point on. Maddie decided to stay in Los Angeles, and Buck got her a job at the dispatch center where Abby used to work. Work was different, too.

Buck and Eddie weren’t just colleagues anymore. They had become friends. The two became a well-oiled machine at work, especially during a massive earthquake nearly toppled a hotel.

The two became a well-oiled machine at work, especially during a massive earthquake nearly toppled a hotel.

Buck learned something else about Eddie during that same disaster; he had a son. An adorable, sweet boy named Christopher.

Buck watched throughout the day as Eddie fretted over his son’s safety, and he realized what an amazing dad Eddie was. He couldn’t help but respect Eddie even more after finding out about Chris. His own parents had never shown even half the concern for his well-being that Eddie showed for Christopher.

Buck wanted to help Eddie out in any way he could. So, when the earthquake damaged Eddie’s car, he drove him to pick up Christopher. As he watched the two of them reunite after the earthquake, his heart aching at the touching family scene he’d never known with his parents, Buck made a solemn promise to himself. He would be there for Eddie and Chris as much as possible.

When Eddie needed help with childcare, Buck got Bobby to let him bring Chris to the station for the day. He called Carla, the nurse who used to care for Abby’s mom, and had her meet with Eddie to help him out. He could see in Eddie’s eyes that he appreciated the help, even if Buck never let him thank him for it.

Eddie was there for him, too. When Buck needed help moving Maddie into her new apartment, Eddie was there for him. However, that did lead to an awkward situation where he thought Maddie was saying Eddie was cute, and it turned out she meant Chimney.

Chimney? Seriously? Nothing against the guy, he was a good friend to Buck, but how could Maddie find Chimney attractive when Eddie was right there?

Even Hen found Eddie attractive, and she liked girls!

Buck quickly found Eddie to be someone he could rely on, and the feeling seemed mutual. So, when Eddie’s ex-wife made an explosive reappearance at the toy drive that Christmas, and Buck learned that Eddie had been seeing her for months and hiding it from Chris, he was surprised that Eddie had never mentioned it. Pushing his hurt feelings aside, he joined Eddie and Chris for the trip to Santa two days later, regardless.

Eddie returned from sending Chris to the line, sitting next to Buck on the fountain’s edge.

“I offered to wait in line with him, but he said this is private,” Eddie told Buck.

“Christopher.” Buck laughed. “I admire that kid. I love how he always wants

to do everything independently.”

“Yeah.”

There was a moment of silence between them before Eddie looked at Buck. “So… are you not going to say anything?”

“About what?” Buck tried to play dumb, not wanting to put his friend on the spot.

From the look Eddie gave him, it was probably a good thing Buck didn’t move to LA to become an actor. “You know what about.”

“I figured it was none of my business,” Buck said. He had no room to judge what Eddie did. His role was to be Eddie’s friend and support him, which was what he would do.

“It’s not,” Eddie told him.

“That’s what I’m saying,” Buck agreed with him.

There was a moment of silence, and then–

“It just kind of happened, okay?” Eddie said. “It’s not like I planned it.”

“I never said you did.”

“I only contacted her because I needed her help getting Christopher into his new school.”

“Understandable,” Buck assured him.

“We just kind of…” Eddie grimaced, looking down at his hands. “Ended up in bed together.”

Ah.” Buck hummed in acknowledgment. He’d never had this happen to him before, so he struggled to find the right words.

“I mean, these things happen,” he finally said. “It’s not like you’re breaking any commandments. You guys are still married.”

“Yeah.” Eddie scoffed. “That would make me feel better, but I’m sneaking behind my kid’s back with his mother, so I think I lost all moral high ground there.”

“Oh.” Buck blinked. “Christopher doesn’t know she’s back?”

“I don’t know what he knows.” Eddie sighed. “Kids sense things, right? The other day, I made her sneak out so he wouldn’t see her there.

Buck blinked and then tried to figure out what to say.

“I get it.” He finally said, giving Eddie a supportive look. “You’re trying to protect your kid. I mean, she ran out on him, right?”

“I ran out first.” Eddie finally said after a long silence. “I ran out on both of them.”

“What do you mean?”

Eddie turned to Buck. “See, when Christopher was first diagnosed, I was in Afghanistan. Right at the end of my tour. Instead of going back home…” Eddie shook his head. “I reenlisted. I told myself it was to pay the bills.”

“But you were running away, too.” Buck realized.

“Yeah,” Eddie told him. “But I got to pretend like it was for a noble cause. Serving my country,” he huffed out a breath. “But when Shannon broke, nobody thought she was a hero. She just got called evil.

“And now she wants back in his life.”

“Yeah.”

“So why don’t you let her?” Buck asked. “It seems like she’s already back in yours. Why not let her be in Christopher’s life?”

“That’s what’s got me confused.” Eddie looked away from Buck. “Would I be doing it for

Christopher or for me?”

Before Buck could say anything or ask what Eddie meant by that, Christopher was approaching with one of the elves.

“How’d it go, pal?” Buck asked, changing the subject.

“It went great,” Chris beamed

“So, what’d you ask for?” Eddie asked.

“Can’t tell,” Chris said, giggling. “Santa said he’d work on it.”

“Oh, man…” Eddie chuckled, ruffling his hair. “Let’s go.”

Buck grinned, starting to follow them before the woman dressed as an elf stopped him.

“I just wanted to say, you two have an adorable son.” She smiled at Buck.

“Um…” Buck looked to see Eddie’s reaction, only to see him walking away with Chris.

He finally turned back to the woman and smiled. “Thank you.”

Turning away, he quickened to catch up with Eddie and Chris.

~~

Later that night, as Buck lay in bed, he kept thinking about how that woman had seen him and Eddie as a couple. It was odd but not entirely unwelcome if he was being honest.

Thinking about that made Buck realize what he wanted out of life. He didn’t want to be the same old Buck anymore, hooking up without feelings involved.

Being partners with Eddie at work was one thing, but he wanted a partner in life, too—someone he could love and someone who could love him in return. He wanted a family, like the kind he’d dreamed of belonging to as a child.

He thought he could have had that with Abby, but a part of him knew that could never happen. She was gone, and she was never coming back.

And then he thought about what an older man had said to him on a call a few weeks before.

“You don’t find it, son. You make it.”

So, Buck decided to call Ali, someone they had saved in the past, and meet her for coffee. She’d left a message a few days before, but he hadn’t planned on calling her back. But maybe this was the Universe telling him it was time to move on.

Even if it didn’t go anywhere, at least he was trying, right?

Maybe this would help him in the long run, after everything with Abby.

~~

When Eddie returned to work after Christmas, he told Buck he and Shannon were trying again. Buck was truly happy for Eddie. Eddie wanted his family back together, and that was admirable.

Months passed, and Buck and Eddie were closer than ever. Of course, they were both busy with their respective relationships, but they still found time to be there for the important things. Like when Eddie sat with Buck in the hospital jail when Maddie was kidnapped, or how he brought him coffee as he switched between Maddie and Chimney’s bedsides when he and Athena had been able to reach Maddie.

The two of them were a unit, a perfect team. And Buck wouldn’t have it any other way.

Things continued in the same vein for a while, even with Bobby getting suspended after the bank robbery and Captain Han’s terrible reign, until the unthinkable happened.

Eddie’s wife, Shannon, died in front of them on a call. There was no saving her—her injuries were too great. Buck knew he could never understand what his friend was going through, and only wished he could take away a tiny piece of Eddie’s pain. Watching Eddie walk down that hospital hallway with that small bag of Shannon’s belongings broke Buck’s heart.

In the following days, Buck did everything he could to make things easier for his friend. He took as many shifts as the regulations would allow, ensuring Eddie had time to be with his son to help him through the grieving process. He stood by Eddie’s side at the funeral, checking in on Eddie day and night. He even tried to donate some of his PTO to Eddie, but the other man did not accept it.

Eddie was back at work a few days later, and Buck hoped things would return to normal soon.

And then the world exploded around him.

When Buck came back to himself, all he could feel was blinding, agonizing pain. He tried to move, but he was stuck to the spot, unable to get away from whatever was causing him pain.

It wasn’t until later that he realized this was the ladder truck on his leg.

He could see people in front of him talking, but he couldn’t focus on the conversation.

Where was his team? Why weren’t they getting him out? Buck drifted in a sea of pain, pinned to the ground like a bug in a display case.

And then his team was in front of him. Eddie was in front of him, eyes wide with concern.

Buck couldn’t feel much of anything anymore, except for Eddie; he had in his. And then they tried to move him from under the truck.

Buck nearly blacked out from the pain, screaming until his throat gave out.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he was free from the pain, and he lost the battle to stay awake.

When he woke up, he knew things were bad. His leg had been crushed, and the doctors weren’t sure he would ever work again. His sister didn’t think he should worry about that now, but how could he not? Being a firefighter had given his life meaning.

Ali dumped him as soon as he was out of the hospital, and Buck couldn’t blame her. Buck knew his job was dangerous, and this life was hard on relationships.

But at least he had his team with him, showing their support and wishing him well as he got back on his feet. He could survive anything with them by his side.

He knew that one day, he would stand with them once more, no matter how long it took. He wouldn’t accept any other option.

Chapter 2:

“Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Buck winced at Maddie ripping apart his pants. “Come on, be careful.”

“Uh, were you going to sew these two pieces back together?” Maddie asked, raising an eyebrow. “I don’t think so.”

“Doesn’t mean you had to rip them,” Buck argued, and Maddie made a face. He sighed as he took in what she had done to his pants. “It looks terrible.”

“It’s going to be fine, okay?” Maddie told him. “We’re just going to tuck it in the top of your cast.”

“Okay.” Buck frowned, and Maddie rolled her eyes.

“I don’t even know why I’m taking you,” she told him. “You shouldn’t be on your feet; you need to be healing.”

“Well, this is more important.” Buck tried to smile at his sister, his resilience shining through. “If I break anything else, they can fix that, too.”

Maddie seemed unimpressed by Buck’s attitude, and Buck sighed.

“I know you think this is stupid, but come on, “He told her. This is Eddie’s graduation. I can’t skip it.”

“Eddie would understand,” she argued back.

“But I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself.”

Maddie sighed, knowing there was no changing his mind.

“Why do you have to be so…You?” She finally said.

Buck grinned. “Because I don’t know how to be anyone else.”

He knew Maddie didn’t understand why this was so important to him. To her, being a firefighter was a job, like being a nurse. But she didn’t understand that the 118 wasn’t just where he worked. It was his family, and Eddie was a part of that.

In the last year that he had known Eddie and Chris, they had wormed their way into his heart in a way he didn’t know was possible. He had to be there on the day Eddie officially joined their family, even if it meant suffering through more pain.

After all, Eddie had been through so much in the last few weeks. What kind of friend would Buck be if he weren’t there for him now?

~~

Buck sat in his chair, his leg propped up on another chair next to him, as he waited for the ceremony to begin. He’d made the rounds, saying hi to a few people before Maddie lovingly bullied him into taking a seat.

“People assume we choose this life,” Bobby said, Buck leaning forward in his seat. He had been too nervous last year to pay attention to what Bobby was saying, and a part of him was convinced that he would never get his shield.

“I’m not so sure.” Bobby looked every inch a captain as he spoke to the crowd, seeming larger than life. “Sometimes I think this life chooses us. For those that answer the call, there can be no doubt, no equivocation.” He looked at all the firefighters in the crowd.

“It’s not just the lives of those we serve that depend on us, but our own. The lives of our fellow firefighters and first responders.”

Bobby paused. “Today, we welcome a new brother into those ranks. After a year of hard work and dedication, I am proud to declare that your probationary period is officially at an end.” Bobby turned to his side. “Welcome to the Los Angeles Fire Department, Firefighter Diaz.” Buck cheered and clapped louder than anyone else as Eddie made his way over to Bobby. Buck frowned. Bobby wasn’t holding Eddie’s helmet. What was going on?

And then Buck heard the all-too-familiar sound of crutches. He turned to see Chris making his way up the aisle, Eddie’s helmet clutched in his hands.

Buck was convinced that this was the cutest thing he had ever seen. Chris smiled as he passed, and Eddie started walking down the aisle to meet Chris.

“What do you have for me, son?”

“I have your helmet.” Chris beamed, handing it to Eddie.

“My helmet?” Eddie gently took it from Chris, pulling him into a hug. “Thank you, mijo.”

“Congratulations, Dad.”

“Thank you so much, Christopher.”

The audience erupted into cheers, Buck’s being the loudest. He couldn’t help it; Eddie and Chris warmed his heart whenever he saw them together.

After the formal ceremony, the rest of the time was spent mingling with the guests.

Eddie made his way over to his table, Buck getting to his feet with his crutches.

“Congrats, Eddie,” Buck grinned as he awkwardly adjusted his crutches to hug Eddie.

“I can’t believe you made it.” Eddie pulled Buck into a hug, careful not to jostle the catches. “I would have understood if you hadn’t come.”

“Are you kidding?” Buck grinned. “I couldn’t miss your graduation.”

“Thank you.” Eddie’s eyes were soft. “It’s not going to feel the same without you on the team, though.”

“Give me time; I’ll be back before you know it,” Buck promised, Eddie giving him another smile.

“Edmundo?” Buck looked over Eddie’s shoulder to see his parents standing there. “Are you going to introduce us?”

“Right, yeah.” Eddie pulled away from Buck. “Mom, Dad, this is Buck. He’s my partner at the 118.”

“It’s nice to meet you both. ” Buck stretched out a hand, Eddie’s father gingerly shaking it.

“You’re the one who got crushed, right?” His father asked, and Eddie groaned.

“Dad–”

“It’s fine.” Buck waved him off. “Yes, I was, sir. I’m just glad I was out of the hospital in time to come to Eddie’s graduation. He’s easily the best partner I’ve ever had.”

Eddie’s mother gave him a small smile. “That’s nice of you to say.”

“It’d be nicer if Buck had been on the job for longer than two years.” Eddie snarked. “How many partners could you have had?”

“Enough to know how to take a compliment.” Buck retorted, and Eddie laughed.

“Fair enough.”

Buck nodded and turned to Eddie. “You should go talk to everyone else.”

Eddie nodded in agreement. “Okay, but I’ll catch up with you later.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Buck promised, collapsing back into his seat as Eddie and his parents walked away.

~~

Buck’s summer passed in an endless sea of PT appointments, the only bright spots being when Eddie and Chris visited him on Eddie’s days off.

Buck knew he wasn’t the most fun to hang out with since he couldn’t do much or go many places, but that didn’t matter to Eddie and Chris. They were content just watching movies with him or playing video games.

When Buck told Eddie how much he appreciated that, Eddie grinned and said, “I told you, I’d have your back any day.”

Eddie couldn’t possibly know how much that meant to him.

His PT sessions were beyond discouraging, and Buck felt like he had to fight and claw to get back to where he had been before the accident. But Eddie and Chris being there for him helped him get through it.

And when he finally recertified, there was no one he’d rather celebrate with.

And then he started coughing up blood at his surprise party.

Go figure.

When he came to the hospital, the doctors told him that he had had a pulmonary embolism and that he would have died if trained first responders hadn’t surrounded him.

They tried to blame it on him for working too hard, but Buck knew that wasn’t true. He’d been careful not to overtax himself during his recovery and recertification, but no one believed him.

Bobby made it worse by telling him he would be put on light duty. It was a blow to the chest to learn that, after months of hard work, something else was holding him back.

Buck made it worse by quitting on the spot.

He wasn’t ashamed to admit that being put on light duty just after he requalified had broken him a little. He felt utterly justified in staying in bed for as long as he wanted, bemoaning that once again, the finish line had been moved just as he was about to reach it.

Sadly, Eddie did not have the same belief.

He was lying in bed, trying to find the courage to face the day when the covers were ripped from him.

“Get up,” Eddie said as he pulled the covers away, Buck groaning in response.

“Why, man? Come on.” He pulled them back over himself and lay back down, only for Eddie to take them away completely this time.

“Because it’s morning and you have things to do.”

“No, I don’t.” Buck glared at Eddie as he grabbed the blankets again.

Unfortunately, Eddie was immune to a grumpy Buck and kept taking them away.

“You need to leave this apartment, walk around the block, and get some fresh air.”

“Why?” Buck snapped. “What’s the point?

“Well, the point is, your life isn’t over just because you’re not a firefighter,” Eddie told him, and Buck scoffed.

“Says the firefighter.”

Buck started down the stairs, and Eddie followed him.

“You know, that blood clot could’ve almost killed you.”

Yeah, I was there.”

Eddie gave him a look. “But it didn’t.”

“Yeah, and now I can’t do the job I love because of it,” Buck told him. “I worked my ass off all summer to get back to where I’m supposed to be, a blood clot ruined all of that.”

“Buck,” Eddie sighed. “I know you want to get back to work. And maybe one day you will. But you have your whole life ahead of you, so why don’t you take it as a win and stop feeling sorry for yourself?

Buck scoffed. Eddie didn’t get it, and he probably never would.

He was about to go back upstairs and wallow in bed when he turned and saw Christopher sitting on his couch.

“Hey, Buck,” Chris said with a toothy grin.

“Hey, buddy.” Buck blinked in surprise. “What are you doing here?

“He’s hanging out with his Buck today!” Eddie hugged Chris before turning to Buck. “Because I have to go to work today.”

Buck tried to ignore the sting of Eddie being able to go to work when Buck couldn’t, and instead frowned in confusion.

“Where’s Carla?”

“She went to Morongo,” Chris said, Eddie nodding. He walked towards the door, Buck following him.

“So, take him out, have some fun. Maybe you’ll learn something.” Eddie lowered his voice, glancing back over at Chris. “He never feels sorry for himself.”

And with those final parting words, Eddie waved goodbye to Chris and walked out the door of Buck’s loft.

Buck wanted nothing more than to return to bed, but he knew that wasn’t an option.

He had Chris with him, and the kid deserved better than to sit around the apartment all day while Buck wallowed.

So, they’d go out and see what the city had to offer Buck now that he couldn’t be a firefighter.

And who knew, maybe some fun was just what Buck needed.

~~

Buck had never regretted a decision more than he did that day. When Chris asked to go to the pier, Buck had no problem. Eddie had told him to get some fresh air, after all. And they’d had a good time, a great time, even.

But everything changed with one question.

“Where did all the water go?”

Everything happened so quickly after that.

The first wave was there before they could run, ripping Chris out of Buck’s arms.

It was a miracle that he could find Chris again and get them both to safety on the roof of a fire truck.

Buck had managed to save a few more people, keeping Chris from seeing the worst of it.

They were okay. They were safe, and they would be fine. Eddie might kill Buck for putting Chris in danger, but it would all be okay.

At least that was what Buck thought before the second wave, before Chris was jostled by the shifting truck and fell overboard before Buck could react.

Without hesitation, Buck jumped in after him, spending the day combing through the city’s wreckage to try and find Chris.

He didn’t stop for a moment, not even to ease the pain and exhaustion that he could feel weighing down his limbs. The only thing that mattered was Chris. He had to find him. There was no other option.

But the only thing Buck found was his red glasses, washed up on a piece of debris. Buck fought the urge to vomit as his mind started thinking of the worst possible outcomes to his search.

He couldn’t think that way. He wouldn’t allow it. He was going to find Chris even if it killed him.

As darkness settled, Buck found his way to the field hospital that had been set up. Eddie appeared as he was looking for Chris amongst the injured, trying to avoid the black tent holding his worst nightmares. Maddie, speaking to him from a borrowed cellphone, urged Buck to just tell Eddie the truth. But how could he do that? How could he tell Eddie that he had lost his son?

He needed more time. If he had more time, he could fix this

Telling Eddie that he lost Christopher was the hardest thing Buck had ever had to do. He knew that those simple words would destroy the greatest friendship Buck had ever known.

And then Christopher appeared behind him as he talked to Eddie, like a miracle.

Buck, the adrenaline leaving his body, collapsed in a heap, unable to take his eyes off the boy he’d lost.

Even as Bobby and the rest of the 118 rushed to care for him, Buck couldn’t look away.

~~

The next day, Buck was moping at his kitchen counter.

He’d ruined everything; he just knew it.

Spending time with Chris yesterday had been the first morning in months that he’d enjoyed himself, and now all that was over. Eddie would never let him see him again, Buck was sure of it. Even if Buck made it back to the 118, there was no way Eddie would ever want to be his partner again.

His entire life had fallen apart because of a trip to the pier, and Buck would never forgive himself.

Just when Buck had utterly given up hope, there was a knock at the door.

He slowly approached it, widening his eyes when he saw who was on the other side of the door.

“Hey, Buck,” Christopher said with his signature toothy grin.

“Good morning, Buck, ” Eddie added as Buck moved to the side and let them into his apartment.

“Hey–hey, buddy.” Buck finally said in response.

He had no idea what was happening.

After what had happened the day before, Eddie should not be here. He should be taking Chris as far away from Buck as possible, not putting a bag of stuff on Buck’s table.

“Okay,” Eddie said as Chris made his way over to the couch. “There’s a morning and midday snack, two coloring books, and a bunch of Legos.” Eddie looked around and lowered his voice. “Between us, he’s never built anything that looks like anything. He just likes sticking things together.”

Buck blinked as Eddie kept talking. “There’s 20 bucks for pizza, and if I were you, I’d eat a couple extra slices. You look like you’re wasting away to nothing.”

“Eddie-” Buck tried to say before Eddie cut him off.

I will say, honestly, you being laid up is working out for me.” Eddie quipped. “You’re no abuela, and you’re half a Carla, but you’ll do in a pinch.”

“You want me to watch Christopher?” Buck still didn’t understand why Eddie was even here.

Eddie shrugged, a playful smile teasing around the edge of his lips. “It’s easy. He’s not very fast.”

Buck shook his head. “After everything that happened?”

“A natural disaster happened, Buck,” Eddie said, his voice softening.

Buck hated Eddie’s soft voice, the one he used when dealing with disaster victims. Buck wasn’t a victim; he was why Chris was even on that pier. He didn’t deserve Eddie treating him gently. He deserved Eddie screaming at him and telling him he never wanted to see him again.

“I lost him, Eddie,” Buck finally said.

“No, you saved him,” Eddie told Buck, his gaze never wavering. “That’s how he remembers it.”

Eddie looked fondly over his shoulder at Chris on the couch and then turned back to Buck. “And now, it’s his turn to do the same for you.”

“I was supposed to look out for him,” Buck insisted.

“And what, you think you failed?”

“Of course I failed!” Buck resisted the urge to shout, aware of Chris on the couch. “Join the club,” Buck blinked in surprise as Eddie spoke. “I failed that kid more than I care to count, and I’m his father. But I love him enough to never stop trying, and I know you do too.”

Buck shook his head again. “Eddie–”

“Buck,” Eddie put a hand on his shoulder, his thumb fitting perfectly in the groove near Buck’s neck. “There’s nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you.”

Buck was suddenly aware of Eddie’s hand on his shoulder, the warmth feeling like a brand that had scorched to the bone.

Eddie moved away, and Buck mourned the loss of contact.

“Okay, buddy,” Eddie said, moving to Chris. “I got to go.” Eddie kissed him on the head. “Love you, have fun.”

Buck stared as Chris hugged Eddie, still not believing this was happening.

“Maybe try going to the zoo this time, something inland,” Eddie suggested to Buck as he moved close to the door.

“Real nice.” Buck gave Eddie a look, and Eddie flashed an unrepentant grin.

Eddie got to the door, pausing to look back at Buck.

“Thank you for not giving up.” He finally said before leaving.

The door closed behind him, and Buck breathed a breath of relief. He thought Eddie would hate him after everything that happened, but instead, he gave Buck another chance.

It was one of the greatest gifts Buck had ever received, and he resolved not to squander it this time.

Chapter 3:

Buck was so grateful to Eddie for trusting him with Chris again that it almost made him forget about the light-duty thing.

Almost.

But if the last few days had taught him anything, Buck needed to get back to hiring a firefighter. If being a fire marshal for a few months made the higher-ups think he was ready to return, that was what he needed to do.

So he called Bobby back and took a job as a fire marshal for a few months.

He thought that would help him get back to where he was supposed to be, until the day he had to stop by the 118 and saw someone else using his locker with his name taped over. The sight of his personal space being invaded was a stark reminder of the loss he felt when the department wouldn’t let him back.

Then Bobby told him that he was the one who had prevented Buck from coming back, and Buck felt like he had been kicked in the chest. He didn’t know what else to do. How could Bobby have done this to him? Didn’t he know how much being a firefighter meant to Buck?

As he sat on his bed that night, wondering what the hell he was going to do now, the lawyer’s business card stuck out of his wallet.

In hindsight, calling him had been a stupid decision, and Buck wished he could take it back. Especially once he saw how upset everyone was after the deposition. It didn’t matter that the LAFD was offering him millions to drop the lawsuit. He didn’t care about the money. He wanted to be back with his team. With his family. He just wished he could get them to see that. He regretted doing any of this. He just wanted to get back to his family.

And then he ran into them all in the grocery store.

And the look on Eddie’s face when he accused Buck of abandoning Christopher?

It broke him. Almost as much as when Eddie called him exhausting. The rage in Eddie’s voice was like a knife to Buck’s heart.

The entire team was angry with him, of course, but there was something about Eddie’s anger that was so much more devastating for him. Eddie’s rage drove home that this was a horrible mistake. So, when his lawyer showed him the city’s settlement offer, Buck wasted no time in tearing it up.

He didn’t want money. He wanted his family back.

So, when Bobby said he could return to work on his terms, Buck jumped at it. How could he not?

He didn’t even care that he had to spend his first shift back as a man behind, because at least he was back.

What he did care about was Eddie avoiding him like the plague. Every conversation Buck tried to start with Eddie was quickly rebuffed, and the other man made every excuse to avoid talking to Buck.

He lasted nearly the entire shift before getting the courage to say something about it.

“So that’s how it’s going to be now,” he finally said as Eddie walked past him without a word. “You’re just going to keep on ghosting me? Because Halloween is over, just so you know.”

Eddie turned back to Buck with a sigh. Buck’s heart broke at the lack of affection in Eddie’s eyes. He hadn’t seen him look at him like that since before they were friends.

“I don’t know what you want from me, Buck.” Eddie finally said. “Forgive, forget, make you feel better about what you did?”

“I just want you to talk to me, ” Buck told him, “Even if it’s just to say that you’re still mad.”

“I’m not mad, I’m–” Eddie cut himself off, shaking his head. “When you decided to sue the department, to make Cap the bad guy, did you ever stop for a minute to think what that could do to us?”

Buck hadn’t, and he knew that. He’d made this huge decision without considering any of the consequences. Everyone was right to be pissed at him for that, but they also needed to understand why he did what he did.

“Look, I just needed my job back.” Buck finally said, pleading with Eddie to understand. “I missed–I missed being here. Being part of the team,” he paused. “I never meant for anyone to get hurt.”

Eddie shook his head, looking away for a moment. “Lotta I’s in there.” Buck flushed as Eddie continued to speak. “Your actions, your choices, they impact the rest of us. That’s what it means to be a part of a team.”

“You’re right,” Buck told him, Eddie’s eyebrows shooting up in surprise.

“Did you just say I’m right?”

“Yeah, I did.” Buck huffed out a breath. “I didn’t think about what could happen. I was mad at Bobby for not letting me back.”

“What do you mean Bobby didn’t let you back? The department said you weren’t ready, Buck; it had nothing to do with him.”

“No, it was him. He told me that he was the one holding me back. That’s why I was upset about you guys moving on without me.”

Eddie frowned but pushed forward. “We didn’t move on without you.”

“Bosko had taken over my locker, Eddie. She taped over my name, and none of you even told me you had a floater.”

“Are you seriously mad about that?”

Buck sighed. “No, Eddie. That’s not what I was made about. I was mad that there was nothing I could do about it.” He groaned. “And I just–I just wanted to–”

“Punch someone?” Eddie raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, a little,” Buck admitted. “But I get it now. And I am sorry. Whatever it takes for you to forgive me–”

“I forgive you,” Eddie cut him off, rolling his eyes. He smirked at Bucks’ surprise. “That’s also what it means to be part of a team.”

“Really?” Buck asked.

Eddie pointed a warning finger at him. “Just don’t do it again.”

Buck nodded in agreement. He’d never do something like that again.

And then Eddie pulled Buck into a hug, and Buck felt like he was finally home.

~~

That was a real turning point for Buck. After that, he made up with the rest of the team and restored things to their previous state.

Things seemed back to normal until Buck found out about Eddie’s foray into street fighting. He was nearly fired and had to see Frank, the department therapist, for mandated sessions.

How could this have happened? How could Buck not have seen how much Eddie and Chris had been struggling? Even before the stupid lawsuit, there must have been signs.

Buck finally managed to corner Eddie about it when he and Chris came for dinner.

“Look, I’m sorry I wasn’t there, Eddie.” he leaned against the counter, looking at Eddie. “You and Chris needed me, and I had my head so far up my behind with that stupid lawsuit–”

“We’re way past that, Buck.”

“I’m not.” His eyes were wide, begging Eddie to understand. “I should have been there,” He sighed. “Maybe I could have talked some sense into you.”

“You talk sense into me?” Eddie snorted, giving Buck an amused look. “That would’ve been interesting.”

“I could have told you not to buy that truck.”

“Yeah, you’d have talked me into buying something more expensive.” Eddie quipped, and Buck winced.

“Yeah, fair point.”

Eddie chuckled, looking at Buck. “Look, things got a little out of hand for both of us. Don’t beat yourself up about it.”

“Why, because you’d rather do it?” Buck couldn’t help but tease.

“Excuse me?”

“Come on, Eddie.” Buck gave him a look. “If you’re not going to be honest with Frank, at least be honest with me.”

“Who said I wasn’t being honest with Frank?” Eddie asked, looking offended.

“You said you two weren’t clicking.” Buck pointed out, and Eddie sighed.

“Maybe I’m just not a therapy kind of guy.”

“Right, right, you, uh–you prefer to work it out in the ring.” Buck mimed throwing a punch, and Eddie snorted.

“There was no ring, Buck,” he thought on it a moment. “There was a fence.”

“Come on.” Buck chuckled. You don’t think while you were going through your phase, just maybe, you were throwing your punches at the wrong guy?”

“Seriously?” Eddie raised an eyebrow. “You’re going to make it about you, again?”

“Look, I’m just saying, you were pretty pissed.” Buck pointed out. “I thought for sure that day in the grocery store you were going to take a swing at me.”

“Not that you didn’t deserve it, but I wouldn’t do that.” Eddie shook his head as he took a sip. “You’re on blood thinners.”

“Well, I’d still take you,” Buck said, feeling strangely bold.

“You think so?”

“I know.” Buck stepped towards Eddie, straightening himself as he leaned in. “You want to go for the title?”

Eddie smirked, drinking his beer as Buck ignored the fluttering in his stomach.

This didn’t mean anything. He was teasing a friend. There was nothing more to it.

~~

Months passed, and Buck felt closer than ever to Eddie and Chris. The three of them spent all their time together, and Buck felt like he was part of a family for the first time in a long time.

That was truer than ever the night that Eddie showed up at his palace, upset at himself for a situation with Chris.

“I just didn’t know what to do.” Eddie flopped down on Buck’s kitchen chair, a beer in hand as he talked about what went down with Chris. “I told my son he could do anything, and now I had to tell him the opposite,” he sighed. “He called me a liar.”

“Pretty sure all kids call their parents liars at some point.” Buck pointed out.

“Yeah, well, it feels a little different when you hear it coming out of your kid.” Eddie played with the label on his beer bottle.

“Just wait till he gets to the ‘I don’t have to do what you tell me’ phase.” Buck joked.

“Aren’t you still in that phase?” Eddie snarked, Buck laughing in response

Eddie chuckled, and then his face became solemn once more. “The thing is, he’s right. I lied to him,” he scoffed. “Or maybe I lied to myself. Either way, I feel like a fool.”

“You’re not a fool, Eddie.”

“Aren’t I?” Eddie asked. “I spent years convincing my kid to believe in the Easter Bunny. But now I’ve got to tell him none of it’s real.”

“Yeah, I think you might be overcorrecting here,” Buck told him.

“Told him he’s no different than the other kid, Eddie said. “But he is. He has CP. There’s a lot he can’t do, and I should have been honest with him.”

“Eddie, there’s a difference between being honest and telling your kid he can do anything, ” Buck told him. That’s just encouraging your kid. I wish my parents had been half as encouraging to me as you are to Chris.”

“Yeah, but encouragement isn’t going to help him here.”

“Maybe it is.” Buck mused, “Have you ever heard of Jim Abbott? Baseball player?”

Eddie shook his head, a confused look in his eyes.

“He pitched a no-hitter in the ’90s, which is pretty crazy, but it’s even crazier if you know that Jim Abbott was only born with one hand.” Eddie’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, and Buck nodded. “Yeah. I read his book when I was in the hospital.”

“Okay.” Eddie tilted his head at Buck. “How’d he do it?”

“He practiced switching his glove to his throwing hand relentlessly so that he could field after he pitched,” Buck told him.

“I like the positivity,” Eddie said, before sighing. “I’m just not sure how practice will help Chris stay on a skateboard.

“Maybe not, but there might be another way to go about it, ” Buck mused. “Let me look into some things and get back to you.”

Eddie nodded at that and then sighed.

“I have to apologize to the teacher, don’t I?”

Buck winced in sympathy. “I mean, only if you want to spend the next few years feeling awkward at every school event.”

Eddie agreed and left soon after, leaving Buck to his research.

~~

It took a while and more than a few calls to Carla to understand what would be needed, but he finally found a solution. When he presented it to Eddie one day after work, he thought the other man would kiss him.

“Buck, this is perfect, ” Eddie said. “Have you found the plan to build it?”

“Carla was a bit of a help, but yeah, ” Buck told him. Why don’t we put it together tomorrow while Chris is at school, and then we can surprise him on the weekend?”

Eddie smiled at Buck, and he thought it was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

And then he saw a matching smile on Chris’ face when Buck and Carla unveiled the modified skateboard.

“Ready to ride?” Eddie asked Chris once they had him strapped in.

“Ready!” Chris said, grinning.

“And away we go.” Buck grinned as he and Eddie moved in unison, running with the frame.

And at that moment, with Chris’s delighted screams in his ear, Buck felt like he was on top of the world.

Eddie hugged him after they unstrapped Chris from the skateboard.

“Thank you, Buck.” Eddie held him close. “You have no idea what this means to me.”

Buck ignored the fluttering in his stomach as he returned the embrace.

~~

Buck had never thought about Eddie in a romantic way before. To him, Eddie was just his best friend, his partner, the person that he spent more time with than anyone else. Eddie’s house didn’t even feel like a friend’s place: it felt like a Buck’s home.

For a while, he thought that was completely normal. Until a drill struck by lightning trapped Eddie underground. And then, he lost it.

He clawed at the ground, screaming Eddie’s name in a frantic effort to dig him out from the forty feet of dirt that had piled on top of him until Bobby had to pull him away.

This couldn’t be happening

Eddie couldn’t be gone.

Buck just had to figure out a way to get to him.

“Cap, we’ve got to go dig.” He insisted, standing out in the rain.

“We don’t have a drill, Buck, and even if we could get another one up here, their access road is flooded.”

“Well, then, we dig by hand.”

Bobby shook his head. “Not with all this rain. We could trigger another collapse.” He turned to Hen and Chimney. “How long could he last down there?”

“We’re talking 30 feet of wet earth coming right down on top of him.” Chimney had an odd expression, and Buck suddenly realized what they weren’t saying.

“Wait, you all think he’s dead.” Buck accused them.

“Nobody thinks that.” Bobby rushed to say.

“We just don’t know how to get him out.” Chimney tried to tell him.

“Nobody’s giving up on him. Nobody.” Bobby looked in Buck’s eyes, trying to reassure him. “We’re going to find him.”

It didn’t work.

Buck couldn’t help but stare at them. How could they be so complacent? How could they be okay with sitting idly by instead of moving heaven and earth to get to Eddie?

Eddie would never act like this. He would go above and beyond for the people he cared about, and that was exactly what Buck would do.

So, after pestering Bobby and the other captains, they finally had a game plan in place.

“Okay, listen up.” Bobby took command of the situation, and everyone listened intently. “Buck here is going to get some thermal cams. We are going to fan out and do a grid search.”

Buck nodded at that as he listened to Bobby give the orders.

This was going to work. It had to. Buck couldn’t lose Eddie, and he wouldn’t be able to make it if he did.

“Chimney is going to have oxygen tanks and warming blankets standing by. I want to start at the well and go outward in concentric circles.” Bobby took a breath. “LAPD copters are on the way. We’ll use their thermal imaging to scan this wider area, and try to pick up Diaz’s heat signature.”

“It won’t be easy.” Buck whirled around as he heard an all-too-familiar voice. “I’m pretty cold.”

“Eddie?” he said in confusion before laying eyes on him. “Eddie!

Buck jumped towards Eddie, barely managing to catch him as he fell to the ground. He pulled Eddie close, tears forming in relief.

“Hey. Hey. Get him up, Buck.” Bobby rushed over. “Come on, Eddie.

Let’s get you checked out, buddy, so we can get you home.”

“Yeah.” Eddie grinned, Buck refusing to let go of him. I’ve got a big date on Friday. I can’t miss it.”

Buck laughed at that, the noise almost hysterical to his ears as a warm feeling spread throughout his chest.

He didn’t quite understand it until he was at the hospital, taking a moment to himself before returning to check on Eddie.

And then it hit him.

Eddie wasn’t just his friend. He was the person that Buck loved.

Loving men was not a surprise for Buck: he had known that he was interested in men since high school. But loving Eddie? That was surprising, and yet expected at the same time. It was almost as if these feelings were inevitable, as Buck was always meant to feel that way for Eddie.

Buck wasn’t quite sure if this was a new device or if he was just finally aware of his feelings for the first time, but he knew that this could not happen. Eddie was his best friend and the most important person in his life. Buck couldn’t ruin that by telling Eddie that he had feelings for him, especially when there was no way that they would be returned.

So as Buck drove Eddie to his house, promising to give him a ride to get his truck from the station as soon as Eddie got some rest, Buck made a decision.

He would never tell anybody he felt, least of all Eddie.

He was going to focus on being the best friend that he could be and hope that the feelings would go away in time.

~~

Buck was going to die.

The enemy was coming at him from all sides, and he knew this was the end. His only regret was not being able to say goodbye to the people he loved.

He closed his eyes, willing to accept his fate…

When all of a sudden, he heard the sound of multiple vests going off.

Buck opened his eyes and watched as the kids who had cornered him at laser tag grumbled as they walked off to power back up their vests.

Buck wasn’t sure how that happened, but he was glad it did. He was on his last life.

“Buck, what the hell are you doing?” Eddie popped up from behind one of the walls, startling Buck. “Why didn’t you take any of them down?

“They had me cornered!” Buck argued.

“You are two feet taller than all of them; how did they corner you?”

Buck gave him an offended look. “Well, excuse me for not being all Rambo about a game of laser tag at your son’s birthday party. Not all of us were in the Army.”

Eddie gave Buck a look. “I know you went through Hell Week for the SEALs. Don’t even start with me.”

“I’m not using Hell Week training on the kids!”

“No one is asking you to, but you need to put up a fight at least.” Eddie walked over to Buck and grabbed his hand. Come with me, we’re going to go find a vantage point to pick off the stragglers.”

“You know you’re talking about your son and his friends, right?”

“…Shut up, Buck.”

Buck grinned at Eddie’s antics and resigned himself to being towed around by Eddie.

And if he was being honest, he didn’t hate the feeling of Eddie’s hand in his.

Chapter 4:

After a few weeks, Buck thought he had a pretty good handle on his feelings.

He had gotten a little in his head after meeting that retired firefighter. There was a brief period when he was very worried about losing contact with his entire team, especially Eddie, and being alone, but that would never happen. His relationship with Eddie and the rest of the team was solid. Buck had worked to put all that out of his mind and move past it. And he had, for the most part.

Now, he could focus on his work and put his feelings about Eddie aside. No matter his feelings, he would be professional and not let it affect his work.

But then, when responding to a train derailment outside the city, Buck saw an all-too-familiar face, and his heart dropped into his chest.

Abby was back, and Buck felt like he had been hit by the train. Was she finally coming back for him, long after he moved on from her?

And then, as he was trying to take her to get checked out, she screamed at him that her fiancé was still stuck on the train, and Buck felt a pit grow in his stomach.

Of course, she wasn’t back for him. Why would she be?

Either way, Buck pushed it down and made a stupid promise that he would bring her fiancé back to him. Buck knew better than to promise someone that things would be all right. He knew that he could never promise something so uncertain. But Abby threw him off, and before he knew it, the words flew out of his mouth.

Eddie had seen the whole thing, and Buck was surprised not to hear about it as they made their way into the train car.

And then they found Sam clinging to life, pinned by a beam.

But of course, things weren’t as simple as that. There was another victim, and the beam made it so that trying to free one would cause the other to deteriorate.

And so, they had to choose who to save: Abby’s fiancé or the young girl on the other end of the car.

Except Buck didn’t want to choose. Buck wanted to save them both, even though Eddie and Bobby told him it was impossible to cut through the beam.

“Okay. Okay, you’re right,” he said, holding his hands up after finally thinking of a solution. “The beam is steel. But the skin on this thing, the skin is stainless. That’s much thinner,” he took a deep breath. “I could go outside, cut a piece out, pull the girl through, and that will buy us enough room to save Sam.”

“No. This car hasn’t been secured.” Bobby shot him down. “That’s why we’re working on the inside. If this thing topples, we can ride it down, but if you’re on the outside…”

“Yeah, I know,” Buck told him, cutting him off. “I will be crushed by 100 tons of train car, which is much heavier than a fire truck. But Bobby… “

“Buck, stop.” Eddie burst out. “All right, I know you made a promise.”

Buck flushed as Bobby looked between the two of them. “What promise?”

“To his fiancée.” Buck tried to deflect. “I promised I would bring him back to her.”

Bobby shook his head in confusion. “What?”

Buck saw Eddie’s face go through a million different emotions in a single moment.

“To Abby.” Eddie finally spat out. “His fiancée’s Abby.”

Eddie moved to check on the other victim, leaving Buck with Bobby.

~~

Things moved quickly after that. After explaining why he knew it would work, Buck got Bobby to agree to his plan. While still skeptical, Bobby agreed to let Buck try, and after more than one close call, they could pull it off.

Sam and the girl were both being rushed to the hospital, and Buck watched as Abby ran after Sam without glancing back.

Not that he wanted her to. That part of his life was well and truly over.

And then she called and asked to meet him.

Buck knew nothing she could say to make up for how she had left him, but he decided to go anyway.

Maybe seeing her would give him closure and help him move on.

“Thanks for meeting me, ” she said, sitting at the other end of the bench. Buck was glad she didn’t sit beside him; that would have been too personal.

“How’s Sam?” he finally asked, seeing her blink in surprise.

“He’s good. They’re expecting a full recovery.”

“Good.” Buck nodded. “He seems like a great guy.”

“He said the same thing about you.” Buck saw her let out a breath. “And I will never be able to thank you enough for what you did.”

“Just doing my job. That’s all.”

Buck wasn’t sure how long he could maintain this stoic expression, but he had to try. He was not going to give her the satisfaction of breaking down.

There was silence for a long moment, and then–

“I’m sorry you had to find out about it this way,” she told him. “I had wanted to talk to you about everything while I was in town.”

Buck turned to her, not believing what he was hearing.

“That’s what you’re sorry for?”

“Buck–”

“Out of everything you could have said, you’re sorry I found out that way.”

Abby sighed. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Buck.”

“I want the truth,” Buck told her. “When did you know you were… leaving me for good?”

Abby paled. “Well–”

“Was it in Morocco or Paris or Dublin or…” Buck shook his head. “Or did you know when we were at the airport and I was kissing you goodbye and promising you that I would wait for you? Did you know then that you were never coming back to me?”

“I thought I would.” Abby finally said, and Buck rolled his eyes. “Look, I was a person whose life revolved around everybody else’s problems. I had no identity other than… the people that I was helping. My 9-1-1 calls, my dying mother. I just had no sense of self.” She breathed. “I had to leave everything I knew to remember who I am.”

“And you did, right?” Buck asked. “I mean, you did remember, but…You still didn’t come home.”

Buck wasn’t even sure he would have wanted to see her again if she’d come home after all that. But the fact that she started a whole new life somewhere else and left him behind? That hurt more than he had ever been able to admit.

“Yeah, I know.” She seemed to be sorry, or at least she was good at looking as though she was. “I think I was afraid that if I came back, I would become that person again because I missed you. I wanted to see you.” She gave him a sad look. But I didn’t trust myself.”

Buck realized what she was dancing around, the thing she was too scared to say.

“Because being here, being with me, you might lose yourself again?”

“Yeah.” Abby nodded, and Buck was surprised by how little he felt at her admission.

Abby’s leaving had haunted his life for the past two years, but not anymore. He had closure as to why she never came back. Even if he didn’t think it was a good enough reason, at least it was a reason. And maybe now that he knew, he could finally move on with his life.

“I’m glad to see you happy, Abby.” He finally said. “You deserve it.”

And without waiting for a response, Buck got up and walked back out of Abby’s life.

~~

Buck wasn’t sure how he ended up at Eddie’s house, but there he was, hoping to make things right with his best friend. Eddie had barely spoken to him since the night of the rescue, and Buck knew he had to clear the air.

“Hey,” Buck said when Eddie opened the door. “Can we talk?”

For a brief moment, Buck was sure Eddie would slam the door in his face, and Buck would deserve that.

But instead, Eddie opened the door wider to let Buck through.

“I’m sorry,” Buck said, pacing around the living room. “It was stupid of me to do what I did. I know that.” Buck groaned. “I shouldn’t have let Abby get in my head like that. Not when I spent so long trying to get over her.”

“Are you over her?” Eddie asked.

Buck blinked at him. “Of course, I am. I didn’t do any of that to try to win her back. I did it because- I don’t even know why I did it.” Buck sighed, sitting on the couch. “Maybe I just wanted to sever the connection between us completely.”

Eddie took a seat next to Buck, looking confused. “How is saving her fiancé severing your connection?”

“It’s like—” Buck tried to figure out the best way to say this. If Sam had died, I’m always going to be the guy who could have saved him. But now that he’s recovering? He and Abby can return to Arizona, and I never have to think about them again.”

Eddie sighed. “I understand that, but Buck, you can’t take those risks. You aren’t a lone wolf who can get hurt, and no one will care. You have people who care about you and want you to remain in one piece.”

“I know that.”

“Do you?” Eddie asked. “How do you think your sister would have felt if you’d died trying to save Sam? How would Chris and I have felt never seeing you again?” he shook his head. “It would have destroyed all of us.”

Buck sighed. He hadn’t thought about that when saving Sam, but he knew Eddie had a point. Even if Buck knew that what he was doing would work, he should have thought more about the consequences if it didn’t.

“You’re right,” Buck finally said. “I should have thought about the consequences of my actions more. Can you forgive me?”

Eddie sighed. “Buck, I’ll always forgive you. But you need to promise me one thing.”

“Name it.”

“Don’t do that again.” Eddie looked deep into Buck’s eyes. “Don’t you dare take a stupid risk like that again.”

Buck swallowed hard, pinned to the couch by Eddie’s intense gaze. “I promise.”

“Good.” Eddie nodded, looking away from him.

~~

Buck had gotten everything under control after meeting with Abby that last time. He was in a good place, with his head on his right.

And then the world fell to pieces around him with the pandemic, which meant everyone sheltered at Buck’s apartment. He and Eddie shared the same bed while Hen and Chimney slept in the living room.

Buck had been worried at first that he would let something slip. But he realized there was nothing to worry about. He’d never let anything happen that could jeopardize his friendship. He would rather die than lose Eddie as his friend.

Weeks passed, and everyone remained stuck at his place. Buck knew that he shouldn’t say this out loud because the pandemic was horrible and it sucked that none of them could go home, but he didn’t mind having everyone in in his apartment.

Ever since he had moved in, the left had felt somewhat empty. Buck, at first, thought it was because of all the awful things that had happened since he had moved into this loft: the ladder truck falling on him, Ali breaking up with him, and being kept off work for months on end with nothing to do but sit home with himself. The left had always felt so empty and cold to him at times.

The thing was that with everyone there, it was as if the loft was full of life for the first time since he had moved in. He and Hen would cook together in the evenings, with Eddie and Chim being banished to the table since neither of them could so much as boil water. Then, Chimney would commandeer the TV for movie nights, insisting that he would improve Buck’s movie education.

Buck wasn’t a movie person, but he let it go. He knew being away from Maddie during her pregnancy was torture for Chimney, and he was willing to put up with the movies if they made him feel better.

Eddie was in a funk about not seeing Chris, the two of them having had a scant week after Chris had gotten back from camp before the shelter-in-place warning came in, but he would call Chris every day and invite Buck to join the calls.

It was nice to have that little bit of normalcy in the crazy world that they were in.

For the first time, his loft felt like home.

And then that all went away.

Eddie moved home to be with Chris as soon as he could. Hen followed soon after, leaving just him and Chimney alone in the loft. And then, Chimney moved out, and Albert moved in.

Albert was a nice guy but he wasn’t Buck’s family, not yet. And even with him snoring on the couch downstairs, Buck had never felt more alone.

He started spending more and more free time with Eddie and Christopher when they were off shift, and in those moments with them, he felt like he truly belonged.

~~

A few weeks later, Buck played video games at Eddie’s house. It would have been a perfect evening if Chris hadn’t been trying to cheat.

“Come on, Buck.” Christopher grinned as he nudged Buck. “I’m beating you.”

Buck managed to keep his control even when Chris bumped into him, and he frowned at the child. “You’re cheating.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

They continued to battle it out, Buck looking up when Eddie entered the room.

“Hey, man, you need to talk to your kid about playing… fair,” Buck said as Eddie unplugged the console.

“Or you could just do that.” Buck finished, giving Eddie an odd look.

“Dad, I was beating him,” Chris complained, sighing.

“Well, we’re taking a little break from the Internet right now,” Eddie told Chris.

“But how am I supposed to talk to my friends?”

Eddie’s eyes widened in alarm. “You’re talking to people on this thing?”

“Um, you know I was kidding the other day, right?” Buck asked. “About the spying?”

“Were you?” Eddie started to pace. “Because ever since that call, every time I go online, there’s an ad for coffee makers. Read the news, coffee maker. Check the weather, coffee maker.” He threw up his hands.

“Yeah, it’s called targeted advertising,” Buck told him. It doesn’t mean that you’re being watched at all times.”

Eddie didn’t seem to hear Buck as he paced.

“I didn’t even want a new coffee maker!” Eddie said, annoyed. “The one I have is fine!”

Buck fought the urge to snicker as Eddie paced.

“I only mentioned it in front of you…” Eddie paused, a haunted look on his face. “And Hildy.”

“Hildy? Are we getting a Hildy?” Chris asked.

“No, we are not,” Eddie told Chris.

Chris seemed to accept that, and then he turned to Buck.

“Buck, can we go to your house and play video games?”

Buck looked at Eddie and saw him crossing his arms over his chest, his expression begging Buck to test him on this.

However, despite popular belief, Buck did not have a death wish.

“Uh, sorry, kid,” he finally said. “I think we’ll play it old school for a while.

“What’s old school?” Chris asked.

“Have you ever heard of Scrabble?”

~~

Was Buck willing to go along with Eddie’s new technology ban? Yes.

Did he also buy Eddie a HILDY coffee maker and send it to his house as a prank? Also, yes.

According to Christopher, who later gave Buck a play-by-play, the look on his face was priceless.

And it was worth the dirty looks around the firehouse for the next few shifts.

~~

After a grueling few days spent fighting fires and driving to and from Texas, coupled with one slightly awkward dinner at Eddie’s parents’ house on the way home, Buck was relieved to be back home—until Maddie told him his parents were coming to town.

Kudos to Maddie for not giving him advance notice: he would have stayed in Texas if she had.

But instead, Buck had to grit his teeth and pretend like he was okay with the fact that his parents had always disliked him. And then he found out why.

A savior sibling.

They never even wanted him in the first place. To them, he was just a pile of spare parts.

Buck hadn’t even gone home the night that he had found out. He could tell Maddie wanted to talk with him about it, so he hid at Eddie’s like a coward.

Eddie never said a word about it, though. He just put out a blanket and pillow for Buck on the couch, and that was that.

The next shift was rough.

The team tried to help him through his feelings, and Eddie was by his side throughout.

Even when Buck nearly got himself killed trying to save Saleh in that fire, Eddie never called him out for being reckless.

He understood that Buck had to do it. He had to save Saleh.

Eddie understood him, even when he was annoyed with him. He saw what Buck was like down to the core of his being, and he stayed by his side. Buck had never had someone like that before—not Maddie or his parents.

Eddie was different. He saw Buck in a way no one else did, and Buck would be lying if he said that didn’t scare him.

Chapter 5:

With his parents’ departure, Buck’s life took a turn for the better. He was back to spending quality time with Eddie and Chris, his therapy was progressing, and his parents even agreed to attend a session. Buck felt a positive change within himself, a transformation into a new version, Buck 3.0.

And then, in the middle of a shift from hell after the new probie had said the Q word, Buck could tell that something was bothering Eddie. So, when they were grabbing tools from the truck, he finally got to ask about it.

“Everything okay?” he asked. “You seem a little preoccupied.”

Eddie sighed. “Have you ever replayed a conversation in your head and worried you sounded like an idiot?”

“Have you met me?” Buck quipped, Eddie laughing in response. “What’s this all about, anyway?”

“You know that call with the billboard?”

Buck made a face at him. “I think that call is burned in my brain, so yes.”

Eddie winced and kept talking. “While going through the crowd, I ran into someone I know.” He paused for a moment. “Ana Flores, Christopher’s English teacher.

Buck tensed but tried to keep his tone casual. “Oh yeah, I remember you telling me about her. Christopher’s pretty English teacher, right? The one with the skateboard?”

“That’s the one,” Eddie said.

“You haven’t mentioned her in a long time, ” Buck tried to keep his tone even. He didn’t know what was happening here, but he was sure he hated every second of it.

“Well, she’s not Christopher’s teacher anymore.” Eddie shrugged as they entered the clown store.

Yeah. Buck was sure he didn’t like the way Eddie said that.

~~

The rest of the shift passed somewhat quickly.

Aside from a suspected gas leak, someone stealing their truck, and Eddie having to give the thief a pep talk to get the guy to drive the engine to the fire they were meant to be fighting.

But yeah, other than that, it was all easy.

Not the Q word.

Buck would never say that cursed word inside a firehouse again.

“Never been so glad to get to the end of a shift,” he groaned.

“And hopefully, the end of that jinx.” Eddie agreed.

“I mean, that’s it, right?” Chimney asked, looking worried. “Next shift is back to normal?”

“I might call in sick just in case.” Hen snarked, Buck laughing at that.

“Hey, I know you guys are eager to get out of here, but I’d like to buy you breakfast,” Bobby said, everyone cheering on that. Their shift had been so busy that they hadn’t had a chance to eat, and the one time they had stopped for food, their engine had been stolen, and they had to abandon the food to chase it. So, Buck was more than willing to let Bobby buy him breakfast after their hellish shift.

“You ever get to that point where you haven’t eaten in so long, you stop being hungry?” Buck said, everyone giving him a puzzled look.

“Yeah, no, me neither,” Buck joked. “Still hungry.”

“Let’s go.” Chimney motioned towards the door, and everyone else started to move out of the firehouse.

“All right, let’s go.” Buck grinned before looking back at Eddie. “Eddie, you going to meet us there?”

Eddie hesitated and Buck’s heart sank.

“Sorry, guys.” Eddie gave them a small smile. “I, um, I already have plans.”

Buck had a sinking feeling that he knew who Eddie had made those plans with. Deep down, he knew nothing in his life would be the same again.

~~

Once Eddie started dating Ana, and things were going well between them, Buck realized it was probably a good call to try dating again. He and Eddie usually hung out together after shifts, but if Eddie’s free time was going to be spent with someone else, then it was only reasonable that Buck found a way to occupy his extra time as well.

He could’ve spent it with Albert, he guessed, but the two of them weren’t particularly close, to begin with. And these days, with all the extra shifts, Buck’s primary interactions with Albert were to remind him to take the trash out and load the dishwasher. That wasn’t enough to build a friendship on.

So yeah, Buck decided to try dating again. What was the worst that could happen, right? He’d already dealt with catfish drama, so that should be fine.

That led him to a date with a woman he met on an app, which was not going well.

He tried to break the ice by talking about a first-date rescue they had to do, but she seemed distinctly unimpressed.

“We eventually had to take apart the window just to get her out,” Buck finished the story. “It was pretty awesome.”

“Awesome?” Veronica scoffed, her voice full of derision. “A woman got stuck in a window trying to throw her poop out because she was too terrified of what a guy would think? That’s awesome to you?”

“Yeah.” Buck let out an awkward chuckle. “I mean it’s kind of crazy, right?”

“I’d categorize it as sad. “She sniffed. “But I suppose it reflects where dating and hookup culture have devolved.”

“Uh… yeah.” Buck wasn’t sure how to respond.

“I moved out here to get a fresh start.” Veronica sighed. “But it seems like it’ll be just like everywhere else.”

“Welcome to dating in LA,” Buck said, going for a playful tone as he raised his glass.

Based on her expression, he missed the mark.

“Not sure I want to toast another woman’s total humiliation.” She gave him a look, and Buck scrambled to cover.

“That’s not what I was toasting.”

“Then what were you toasting?” she challenged.

“I was toasting your move,” Buck said, trying to be nice.

“At a very inopportune time,” she retorted.

They sat in silence for a long moment,

“If it’s any consolation, I think they kept on dating,” Buck finally said.

She narrowed her eyes at him. “It’s not.”

Things only got worse, and Buck tried to get out of there as soon as possible.

At least it was finally over, and he had managed to get his dessert to go.

Albert devoured it when Buck walked through the door with it, but that was fine. At least he’d never have to see Verinica again.

And then he spotted her walking into the apartment next door as he went to take out the trash.

Because, of course, she lived right next door.

~~

“I think you’re being a little dramatic,” Eddie told him the next day as they were hunting a vicious animal around a gated community.

In other words, a wild pet turkey that had attacked someone.

“I would argue that I’m not being dramatic enough,” Buck told him. “I had the worst date of my life last night, and now I have to see her every day when I get home. This is a nightmare,” he huffed. “I feel like she’s out to get me.”

“She is not out to get you.”

“Says you.”

Eddie gave him a look.” “It’s not like Veronica knew she lived next door to you when you went out.”

“We don’t know that she didn’t.” Buck pointed out, and Eddie rolled his eyes. “My therapist says everyone needs a safe space, a place where you can fully be yourself. My apartment was that place.”

“Is she that bad?”

“Yesterday, Albert had to distract her while I got my mail.”

“That seems excessive.”

“Trust me, it wasn’t.”

Eddie was about to snark back when they finally encountered the wild turkey, so they had to drop the subject.

At the end of his shift, Buck resolved to ignore Veronica. After all, he only had to put up with her in the halls.

At least that was the plan, until she started dating his roommate.

~~

This was his least favorite of all the times that Buck had been at the Diaz house.

Eddie asked Buck if he could watch Chris while he had a dinner date with Ana, and Buck, trying to be the supportive best friend, said yes.

Dodging Chris’s questions about who Eddie was hanging out with wasn’t easy, but Buck thought he did a pretty good job.

Even if Chris didn’t fully believe that Buck wasn’t his dad’s only friend, which was fair. Eddie was not the most social person. He sometimes reminded Buck of this barn cat he’d known in Montana, who only allowed certain people to pet it.

All too soon, Buck heard the front door unlock as Eddie came home.

“You’re late,” he said, rounding the corner with a teasing grin.

“There was construction on Sunset,” Eddie said apologetically. “I had to take a detour. ” He looked around at the quiet house, raising an eyebrow. “Christopher already in bed?”

“Oh, yeah,” Buck said with a smug smile.

“You’re a miracle worker.” Eddie sighed in appreciation, and Buck was quick to correct him.

“No, just an excellent negotiator.” Eddie raised both his eyebrows at that, and Buck explained. See, he was willing to get ready for bed and get into bed. I could not turn the lights off or tell him a story.”

“Well, probably just as well after you told him that little thing about the kid in the rotisserie.” Eddie pointed out, Buck frowning in offense.

“That was not a story, it was a cautionary tale.”

“Well, thanks for watching him,” Eddie told Buck as he moved further into the house.

“How was the, uh, the big date?” Buck asked, trying to keep his tone casual.

“It was nice.” Eddie had a soft smile on his face. “She taught me math.”

Buck blanked in surprise. “Math?” Eddie nodded in surprise, and Buck chuckled. “And I thought I’d been single too long.”

“Yeah, well, she was trying to help me with some of Christopher ‘s homework,” he told Buck.

“Have you thought about how you’re going to tell Christopher about her?” Buck asked, deciding to broach the subject.

Eddie sighed. “Ana asked me the same thing.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I feel like the longer I wait, the worse it will be. What do you think?”

Buck wasn’t sure what to say, never having been through this before. But then he remembered there was someone they both knew who had been through this sort of thing.

“Maybe you should ask Athena?” Buck suggested. “She had to tell Harry and May about Bobby when they were dating. Maybe she’d have some advice.”

“That is an awesome idea.” Eddie grinned at Buck. “I knew I could count on you.”

“You always can.” Buck grinned before grabbing his stuff.

~~

Buck had no clue how true those words would end up being.

A few days later, after a disastrous double date with Albert, Veronica, and Taylor, Buck walked down the hall to see Christopher sitting outside his door with a backpack.

“Chris?” Buck looked around, seeing no sign of Eddie. “Where’s your dad?”

“At home.”

Buck blinked down at Christopher. “If he’s at home, how are you here?”

“I took his phone and called an Uber,” Christopher told him.

“Why would you do that?”

“I’m mad at him.”

Buck sighed. “Okay, why don’t you come inside and watch TV with me?”

Chris nodded, and Buck set him up on the couch while he stepped away to call Eddie.

Eddie picked up the phone, his voice frantic and worried.

“Buck, you’ve got to help me. Christopher–”

“Is here.” Buck cut him off.

“What? How is he there?”

“He used your phone to call an Uber.”

He could hear Eddie sigh. “I found the phone on his bed. He must have taken it from the charger while I talked to Ana.”

“Eddie, what happened?” Buck lowered his voice. “Why did Chris come here?”

“I tried telling him about Ana, and it didn’t go well,” Eddie admitted. “I knew he was upset; I was giving him time to cool down. I never thought he would do this.”

Buck sighed. “Okay, why don’t I talk to him while you come here? Maybe I can help calm things down.”

“All right, I’ll be over there in a second.”

“Yeah, all right.”

Buck hung up the phone, wondering how the hell he was going to do this. Talking to his best friend/crush’s kid about his best friend/crush dating someone else was not a situation Buck had ever expected to be in. Maybe jumping in headfirst and figuring out the rest later was better.

“So…” Buck walked over to Chris. “I heard about you blowing up at your dad.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Well, you’re here, so we’ve got to talk about something,” Buck said, and Chris shrugged.

“Come on, look.” Chris looked at Buck. “You were there for me when I needed to talk, so now I want to be here for you. It’s what friends do.”

Chris stared at Buck for a long moment and then sighed.

“Dad’s dating.”

Ah. Buck had wondered if that was the problem.

“Yeah, that’s got to be weird for you, huh?” Buck said, not knowing how to best go about this. He should’ve waited for Eddie to arrive, but instead, he just surged forward. “And maybe it feels like he’s forgetting your mom, but Chris, I promise you…”

“I wish I could forget.” Chris cut off Buck.

Buck blinked in confusion. “What do you mean? Why would you want to forget?”

“People go away,” Chris said, sadness in his voice. “Not just Mom. Abuelita, Carla, my friends. They leave, and then I miss them.” He sniffed, his eyes glimmering with unshed tears. “I don’t want to miss anyone else.”

This was above Buck’s level of expertise, but he figured he might as well give it a shot.

“You’re right.” Buck started, Chris looking at him. “Yeah, people go away, and it’s sad and it hurts.” Chris nodded as Buck kept speaking. “But, you know, not everyone goes away forever. Sometimes they come back, and as much as we miss them, that’s how happy we are to see them again.”

“They do?”

“Of course they do,” Buck told him. “Your grandma, your friends, Carla. You’re going to see them all again.”

“Do you promise?” Chris asked.

“I do.” Buck smiled at Chris. “And until that happens, you still got me. Because I’m not going anywhere.”

Chris threw himself into Buck’s arms, and Buck hugged him close.

“Hey, Buck?” Chris finally said.

“Yeah, Buddy?”

“You’re a good friend.”

Buck pulled him closer, smiling. “Thank you.”

They stayed in that moment a while longer, until it was broken by Eddie frantically knocking on the door.

Eddie swept Chris into his arms, giving Buck a grateful look. “Thank you so much, Buck.”

“Of course, don’t worry about it.” Buck gave Eddie a small smile as he and Chris left, leaning against the door once he closed it.

Chapter 6:

Sometimes, Buck wished he’d never talked to Chris about Eddie dating again and that Eddie had taken things slower with Ana instead of immediately introducing her to Chris.

Everything changed after that, and Buck hated every second of it.

Buckley-Diaz movie nights became a thing of the past. Now, Ana spent Friday nights on the couch with Eddie.

The trip that Buck and Chris had planned to the zoo? Eddie apologetically informed him that he and Ana had plans with Chris. He said they would reschedule it, but never got around to it. Buck understood that they were both adults and had things in their lives that took priority over rescheduling plans, but it still hurt.

Buck still went over there on occasion for dinner and board games, but Ana was already there, and something about that made him feel like he was intruding.

Don’t get him wrong—he was glad Eddie found someone. Ana seemed perfectly lovely and sweet. But Buck felt she didn’t want him to be there and liked it just to be her, Eddie, and Christopher.

If Buck had said this to anyone, he was sure they would tell him it was all in his head, but Buck wasn’t so sure. Maybe it was how he grew up, but Buck was an expert at knowing when he was unwanted. He was just surprised: he’d never felt that way at the Diaz house. He had always said he wasn’t a guest at the Diaz house, but now it was clear he was. And a good guest should know when to leave so they don’t overstay their welcome.

So, he took a step back. He didn’t push to be invited to things with Eddie and Chris and gave them space.

And over time, that became the new normal.

Ana slowly filled every space in the Diaz family that Buck used to fill. There was no room for Buck there anymore. And that broke his heart.

He knew that he could have said something to Eddie. Eddie would have understood, and he would have reassured Buck. But Buck couldn’t put that on him. Eddie and Chris seemed happy with Ana for the first time in a long time. Who was Buck to stand in the way of that?

So, he stayed quiet and let the distance between him and the Diaz family grow.

Even when things started to get crazy for Buck, he didn’t feel like he could turn to Eddie anymore. When Maddie went into labor and Albert nearly died the same night, Buck called Eddie to talk to him when he got home the next night. But Eddie never picked up.

When he saw Buck the next day at work, he apologized and explained that he was having dinner with Ana.

Buck smiled and nodded, trying to be a supportive friend. But inside, his heart broke every time a plan of theirs got canceled or moved.

~~

When news of the treasure hunt broke, Buck was sure Eddie would work with Ana. Ana was a teacher, and Eddie had told Buck about her doctorate and how she could help him learn many new things.

So, when Eddie suggested that they pair up, Buck was slightly surprised.

And more than a little regretful that he had already agreed to work with Taylor Kelly.

The two struck up an unlikely friendship after he helped her save a batch of vaccines, and when she asked him, he had no reason to reject her offer.

But no matter, the three of them could work together on this one.

Eight million split three ways was still a lot of money.

Except, as it turned out, there was no money, which meant that the weeks that the city had been plunged into turmoil had been for nothing.

Either way, Buck was glad to be spending time with Eddie again.

He had missed him so much.

They saw each other nearly every day at work, but it had been months since they hung out on a day off or had a movie night together.

And that made sense, since Eddie was with someone now.

But that didn’t mean that Buck liked it.

Eddie had become his person since his second day at the 118, and now that was just…gone.

~~

“So, any fun plans after work today?” Buck asked a few weeks later.

They had just finished a crazy shift involving a bridezilla and a lie detector, so Buck was happy to get home.

“Actually, yeah.” Eddie grinned. “Carla is finally back in town, so I’m having her over for dinner since Chris has missed her so much. He made her two cakes since we technically missed two birthdays.”

“Just to be clear, he made them, right?”

Eddie sighed. “Yes, Buck, I had no involvement in the baking process aside from taking them in and out of the oven.”

“Well, that’s good to hear, since your food is exactly known for being, you know.” Buck grinned at Eddie. “Edible.”

Eddie tossed a towel at Buck.” Shut up.”

Buck laughed at Eddie before closing his locker.

“That’s awesome.” Buck grinned. “Is it okay if I stop by? I’d love to see her again.”

Eddie sighed. “Normally, I’d say yes in a heartbeat, but Ana suggested we keep it small to avoid exposing Christopher to too many germs. Even with the decrease in cases, she wants to keep the risks to a minimum.”

“Oh.” Buck turned to look into his locker. “I didn’t know Ana was going to be there.”

“Yeah, she said she wanted to get to know Carla in a new setting and thought a small dinner would be perfect.” Eddie didn’t seem enthusiastic about that. “But hey, why don’t you come by for dinner later this week with me and Chris? He’s been dying for you to come over again. We could even turn it into a movie night if you’re not busy with your girlfriend.”

Buck frowned at him. “For the last time, Taylor is not my girlfriend.”

“Okay.” Eddie put up his hands in surrender. “But seriously. Dinner and a movie on Friday work for you?”

Buck smiled. “I think I’d like that, thank you.”

Eddie grinned at Buck, and he tried to pretend that all was well in the state of the 118.

But he couldn’t help the feeling that, once again, things wouldn’t work out.

Ana didn’t seem to like it when he was around, and her insistence on a small dinner for Carla didn’t sit well with him.

Buck had known Carla for years—he introduced her to Eddie in the first place! Why was he the one being excluded?

Buck resolved to move past it. Eddie was happy, and Buck wanted to keep it that way. If he had to miss out on a few events, maybe that was just what he had to do.

~~

Buck found Eddie in the gym staring at the wall the next day.

“Hey, are you okay?” Buck asked, looking over at Eddie.

“Yeah, just thinking about something.” Eddie frowned. “Carla said something weird at dinner last night, and it’s stuck with me.” he looked up. “She said she missed you, by the way.”

“I miss her too. But what do you mean by weird? Weird how?” Buck asked.

“Cryptic,” Eddie told Buck, a frown on his face.

“That doesn’t sound like Carla; she’s usually more to the point.” Buck sat down on the weight bench across from Eddie. ” What did she say?”

Eddie sighed. “She said that I need to be sure that I’m following my heart, not Christopher’s, when it comes to Ana.”

Buck tried to keep a straight face. “And do you think that you’re following your heart?”

Eddie sighed again. “I thought I was until she said that. Ana is nice and sweet and seems to care about me.” He clasped his hands together in front of him. “I think I’m just going to stick it out. Ana’s the first woman I’ve wanted to spend this much time with since Shannon. Maybe I need more time to feel more for her.”

“Stick it out?” Buck echoed, trying to be supportive. Eddie, if you aren’t feeling anything for her now, maybe consider what that means.”

“Maybe.” Eddie seemed to take Buck’s words to heart. “It’s just hard. I thought I’d never have someone feel this way about me again. And she’s done nothing but be wonderful to me and Chris. My kid loves her.”

The bell rang before Buck could say anything, and they had to rush to their lockers to grab their gear. A woman had fallen through the balcony floor, and Eddie had volunteered to stay with her immunocompromised child until she returned from the hospital.

Buck never found time to continue the talk with Eddie. But if he had, he knew what he would say.

“Is that enough, Eddie? For your kid to love her? Or would you rather find someone that you love, too?”

Buck secretly wished that the person whom Eddie loved was him, but he knew that was a lost cause. Eddie was straight, and he was Buck’s best friend. Either one of those would make their relationship impossible, but both? It just meant that Buck’s still being in love with Eddie was a lost cause.

Sometimes being friends with Eddie felt like a lost cause, to be honest. Buck had never considered Eddie the kind of person who stopped hanging out with their friends when they started dating someone. That certainly didn’t seem to be the case when he was reconciled with Shannon. But now? Eddie hadn’t even been to a team night in weeks.

Buck sighed. Eddie was a large part of Buck’s life, but maybe he needed to accept that he wasn’t nearly as crucial to Eddie’s life as Eddie was to his. And that was fine.

Or at least it would be fine when Buck finally wrapped his head around it.

~~

The next day, Buck was walking into the fire station with the Chimney after a pre-shift coffee when they noticed the lack of engines in the bay.

“Guess B shift’s still out on a call,” Chimney said, Buck shrugging in response.

Before he could say anything, Buck saw Eddie come out of the locker room already in uniform.

“You’re early,” Buck said upon seeing him.

“I couldn’t sleep. You remember the mom the other day?” Eddie said. “With the sick kid?”

“Yeah,” Buck and Chimney said in unison.

“He’s not sick.” Buck felt his eyebrows shoot up as Eddie spoke. “Not really. She’s making him sick. Probably for years.”

“Munchausen by proxy?” Chimney asked with a skeptical look on his face. “That’s a big accusation, Eddie.”

“I know, but I have proof,” Eddie told them. “I tracked down some people who knew them before,” he ran a hand through his hair. “All signs point to it. The nonspecific autoimmune disease, the revolving door of doctors. He’s frail, he’s weak, he’s always throwing up.” he paused, looking at the two of them. “She’s poisoning him.”

“Poisoning him?” Buck echoed. “With what?”

“Eye drops,” Eddie said, Buck raising an eyebrow as he spoke. “I saw them in the kitchen.”

Chimney snapped his fingers. “Tetrahydrozoline could cause the symptoms that you’re talking about. It can be lethal if it’s ingested, but it doesn’t show up on a standard toxicology test. You have to know how to look for it to find it.”

“She’s dosing him.” Buck realized, sick to his stomach.

“Not enough to kill him but enough to keep him sick.” Eddie sighed. I called social services. They’re coming here to take a report.

“Why would she do that?” Buck could figure out why anyone would willingly harm their kid.

“Well, sometimes it’s to gain sympathy,” Chim told him. “Or maybe to make a profit.”

“It’s the second one.” Eddie shook his head in disgust. “I found multiple Fund Me pages. She’s conning people out of their money.”

Buck couldn’t believe what he was hearing. How could someone do this to their child?

Eddie’s phone rang just then, and Buck watched as he answered it.

“Hello?”

Eddie’s eyes widened, and he turned to Buck. “We need to get to Charlie’s apartment now. Call dispatch and send an ambulance.”

“I’ll do that; you guys take the battalion truck.” Chimney reached for his phone as Buck and Eddie rushed to the car.

Buck drove as fast as he could, not even hesitating to use the siren to get there quicker. From what little Eddie told him, time was of the essence.

They finally pulled up to the building, the car screeching to a halt just as the 133 showed up.

“Buckley, you get promoted to captain when I wasn’t looking?” Captain Mehta called out as he and Eddie rushed to the door.

“Only vehicle available,” Buck told him, and luckily Mehta accepted that as an answer.

“Diaz, you called this in?”

“Yeah.” Eddie filled them in as they rushed to the apartment.

As they opened the door, Charlie anxiously waved at them.

“She’s over here.” Charlie hugged himself as the paramedics started to work on his mom. “I-I don’t think she’s breathing.”

“We’re here now, we got her,” Eddie reassured him.

“Do we know what she took?” Captain Mehta asked.

“Yeah, uh, Eddie thinks it’s tetrahydrozoline poisoning,” Buck told him. “Eye drops.”

“She always puts drops in my food.” Charlie’s breathing started to pick up in speed as he spoke. “She thinks I don’t see her, but I do. I just wanted to see what would happen if I gave them to her.” he broke down, sobs wracking his small frame. “I-I’m sorry.”

“Oh, no, that’s okay. That’s okay. You didn’t mean to hurt her.” Eddie rushed to comfort Charlie while Buck pulled Captain Mehta aside.

“Yeah, the kid’s going to need treatment, too.” Mehta’s eyes went wide as Buck spoke. “Same kind of poisoning, just smaller doses. But for a long time.”

“Munchausen’s by proxy?” Mehta asked quietly, and Buck nodded. “Damnit.”

Before long, they were able to get Sheila and Charlie transported by calling an extra ambulance.

“What about my mom?” Charlie asked worriedly as he was wheeled to the ambulance, “Will I see her at the hospital?”

Buck hesitated, letting Eddie take the lead on this one.

“She’s a little sicker,” he told him, his voice soft. “She’s got to go to a different hospital.”

Charlie nodded, an unconvinced expression on his face.

Shield regained consciousness as they loaded her into the other ambulance, the odor closing before she could say too much.

Eddie sighed, shaking his head as Charlie’s ambulance closed its doors. “I should’ve gotten here sooner.”

“That kid is just lucky he met you.” Buck meant every word. This scheme could have lasted much longer if another house had gotten the first call. Charlie could have eventually died from the poison his mom was giving him. But now he would recover, and that was all due to Eddie.

Eddie sighed, giving Buck a grateful smile.

“Diaz, you want to ride with the kid to the hospital?” Mehta asked.

Eddie nodded, turning towards him. “Yeah. That’d be–”

Chapter 7:

Buck wasn’t sure what happened at first. He heard a loud noise, and liquid had splattered across his face. Then he saw Eddie swaying as he stood in front of him. And then he started to fall.

Buck just stood there, frozen. He should be reaching for Eddie. Why wasn’t he moving? Why couldn’t he get to him?

“Stay down, Buckley!” Buck heard Mehta say as he tackled him, pulling him behind the ladder truck as another loud bang echoed through the air. Buck found himself pinned to the ground, Mehta covering him, as people’s screams started to fill the air.

“- Shots fired, shots fired,” Buck heard Mehta call into his radio. “A firefighter is down. I repeat, a firefighter is down!”

Shots fired? Eddie was shot? How could this have happened? It was a medical call. Who the hell had a gun?

From his position, he could see under the ladder truck, locking eyes with Eddie. He could see his chest heaving, struggling for air as an ever-expanding pool of blood covered the pavement. He saw Eddie’s fingers twitch, almost seeming to reach out for Buck. And all Buck could do was watch as Eddie’s head rested against the pavement, the light starting to leave his eyes.

As Eddie’s eyes started to close, possibly for the last time, Buck knew he had to do something. He couldn’t lie there and watch Eddie die, bleeding out in the street. Not if he could help it. And he would help it. Eddie Diaz was not dying today. Not on his watch.

Mehta finally let go of him, yelling into his radio about needing LAFD and air support. Taking the chance, Buck pushed off the pavement and rolled under the ladder truck. He tried not to think about how this was the first time he’d been under the ladder truck since the explosion. Bobby hadn’t assigned him to do maintenance on it in years, and Buck avoided the job like the plague. But none of that mattered now. This was the only way to save Eddie.

He crawled along the truck’s underside, grunting as the gravel scraped his palms raw.

“Come on, Eddie!” he yelled as he approached. Eddie’s eyes opened slightly, and he rolled onto his back.

“Stay down!” Buck ordered him, trying not to show his fear in his voice. “I’m going to come! I got you!”

Eddie was gasping for air, and still managed to reach an arm out for Buck to grab.

“Eddie, hang on.” Buck knew his desperation was starting to show in his voice, but he didn’t care. “Eddie…”

Moving quickly, Buck reached out an arm to grab Eddie, dragging him under the truck with one hand. Buck scuttled backward as quickly as possible, using his feet to gain more speed.

Buck tried to stay calm, thinking of his seal training and how they’d done drills like this before. Buck tried not to think of how those drills were designed to help them move dead weight. Eddie was dead weight, and Buck hated every second of pulling him across the ground. But it would be fine. They’d get him to the hospital and he’d be fine.

Before long, he was out from under the truck, Eddie screaming in pain as Buck pulled him further.

“Get him in the cabin!” Mehta ordered, opening the door and climbing into the truck.

Buck grabbed his best friend, his eyes barely open, and hauled him into the back of the truck.

The rest of the 133 rushed to the truck, the truck gunning it to get out of range of the sniper. As they drove away, Buck saw the battalion truck bursting into flames.

“Here, we got you.” He ripped open Eddie’s shirt, tearing the package of gauze open with his teeth. Buck pressed gauze to Eddie’s wound, holding down pressure. “We got you.”

Eddie’s eyelids fluttered momentarily before he seemed to wake up more fully.

“Hey, just…” Buck paused briefly, sick to his stomach. “Eddie, you just stay with me, okay?”

“Hey… are you hurt?” Eddie asked, his eyes wide as he took in Buck.

Buck wanted to cry. Eddie was shot, and he was worrying about Buck instead of himself.

“We have a firefighter with a gunshot wound,” Buck heard Mehta call out over the radio. “Firefighter Eddie Diaz”

“No, no, no.” Buck finally managed to tell Eddie. “I’m good. They didn’t hit me, I’m fine.”

Eddie nodded, his eyes fluttering closed again, and Buck panicked.

“Hey, come on!” he yelled over his shoulder at the driver. “Come on!”

“Just hang on.” Buck was pleading with Eddie, seeing his best friend’s eyes go glassy and unfocused. “Hey, three minutes away. You’re so close. We’re so close, I just…” his voice broke. “I need you to hang on, Eddie, please.”

They put an oxygen mask on Eddie’s face as his eyes closed, and something in Buck broke.

They had just reached the hospital, and Buck jumped out of the engine before it fully stopped.

He saw the doctors rushing towards them with a gurney, and Buck waved to them.

“Come on! Come on, come on!” he said, his voice frantic. He forced himself to get out of the way when they got closer, watching as Eddie was lowered onto the stretcher. Buck was pulled against the side of the engine, unable to look away as they started working on Eddie.

“Through-and-through. Upper torso. Large caliber.” Mehta told them.

“Did you say large caliber?” One doctor asked.

“It was a sniper.” Mehta said.

“Pulse is weak,” Buck heard one of them say as they took Eddie away.

“Trauma Bay Two. Let’s set up for a thoracotomy.”

Mehta went to follow them, turning to look at Buck before he did. “You okay, Buckley?”

“No.” Buck finally said, Mehta already through the doors.

Bobby always told Buck that their job stopped at the glass doors, that they didn’t go any further. But how could that be true now when Eddie was the patient? Buck had to go in there. He had to see Eddie.

Buck stood by the engine for a moment longer, working up the courage to move. As he went to close the door, a piece of metal glinted from the floor. When he went to pick it up, he saw that it was Eddie’s St. Christopher medallion, abandoned on the engine floor. The chain was still wet from Eddie’s blood as he picked it up, and Buck fought the urge to puke.

His stomach turned over, and he lost the battle, rushing to nearby bushes.

Buck!” He heard Bobby’s voice behind him as he retched, bile coming out of his throat.

Buck looked up to see Bobby, Chimney, and Hen rushing towards him.

“Where’s Eddie?” Hen asked, eyes wide with alarm.

Buck pointed to the emergency room doors, and Bobby’s eyes widened as he took him in.

“Buck, you’re covered in blood.”

“It’s not mine.” Buck felt the urge to puke again, and Chim put an arm around him.

“Let’s get you cleaned up. Hen and I grabbed your bag.”

Chimney helped him inside, Bobby and Hen following.

“I blew up the battalion truck,” Buck said as they led him inside, bringing him into the bathroom. Hen waited outside, going to see if she could get information on Eddie. “Please don’t fire me; it was an accident.”

Bobby and Chimney gave each other a confused look before Bobby spoke. “Buck, you’re not in any trouble. I’m sure it was an accident.”

Oh.” Buck blinked. “Okay then.”

Chimney wet some paper towels, holding them up to Buck’s face.

“What are you doing?” Buck started to move away, and Chimney gave him a worried look.

Buck, your face is covered in blood.”

Buck had forgotten about that. He stayed still, letting the Chimney clean his face while Bobby helped clean his hands.

“How’d you get all these scrapes?” Bobby looked at the palm of Buck’s hands, the skin red and irritated.

“I had to crawl under the ladder truck to get to Eddie. And then pull him under with me.”

Bobby and Chimney gave each other a worried look and then turned back to the clanging Buck off.

They gave him a change of clothes, and Buck tossed his old ones into the trash. He never wanted to see them again, not now that they were covered in Eddie’s blood.

He fished his wallet and the St. Christopher medal out of his pocket and transferred them to his new clothes.

He couldn’t lose that. Eddie would want it back when he was better.

He shivered as they stepped out to the bathroom. Why was it so cold in here? Hospitals shouldn’t be this cold.

“Let’s get you checked out, kid.”

“I’m fine, worry about Eddie.”

“Buck.” Bobby put a hand on his shoulder. “Your best friend was shot by a sniper in front of you. You’re not fine. Please let us get you checked out.”

Buck finally nodded, letting them lead him to wherever they were taking him.

He wasn’t sure he cared anymore.

~~

Buck was eventually cleared to leave, the doctors telling him that he was in shock and he needed rest.

Buck scoffed. Rest? How could he rest while Eddie was fighting for his life?

In any case, he still had a job to do. While the rest of the team waited at the hospital for news of Eddie, Buck arrived Eddie’s house, not saying much as he moved past Carla to find Chris.

He’d called Carla from the hospital to tell her what happened, but no one had told Chris yet. Everyone felt it should be Buck who did it, so he prepared for one of the most challenging conversations of his life.

“Hey, Buck.” Chris smiled at him, and Buck couldn’t manage to return it. “Where’s Dad?”

“Um, he…” Buck struggled to find the right words. “He’s not coming home tonight, Chris.”

“Why not?” Chris’ eyes were wide with concern, and Buck felt his heart break.

God, he wished he didn’t have to do this. He wished this could fall on anyone else.

But it couldn’t, and he knew that. He had to be the one to tell Chris. He owed that much to Eddie.

“Well, um…” Buck took a seat next to Chris. He got hurt at work today.

“In a fire?”

“No, not-not in a fire,” Buck sighed, deciding to come out with it. “The truth is, someone hurt your dad.”

“On purpose?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“A bad guy?”

Buck nodded, barely able to hold back the tears. But he had to. He had to stay strong for Chris and Eddie.

“Is he going to be okay?” Chris asked. His voice was quiet, and Buck rushed to reassure him.

“Of course he is. Your dad is tough as nails,” Buck told him. “He’s a fighter, right?” Chris nodded, and Buck pushed forward. “So, he’s with the doctors now.”

“Like the ones that fixed you?”

“Yeah, exactly like the ones who fixed me.”

“Then he’s going to be okay, right?” Chris looked up at Buck, searching his face as if it held all the answers.

Buck wished that it did. He wanted to say that Eddie would be perfectly fine.

“Buck tried to force a smile on his face. “I hope so, buddy. I think so.”

He couldn’t resist the tears falling as what happened washed over him. Eddie had almost died today. Buck felt his heartbeat stutter out under his fingertips, and he was helpless to stop it. His best friend, the man that he loved, had nearly died in front of him, and Buck couldn’t do anything to save him.

Buck felt a small arm go around him as Chris went to comfort him

“It’s going to be okay, Buck,” Chris said softly as they sat together.

Buck had to smile at that, Chris helping to lift his spirits a little. And then the phone rang.

Seeing that it was Bobby, Buck immediately picked it up.

“Any news?” Buck asked, a frantic note in his voice.

“Some,” Bobby said, an odd note in his voice. “But I can’t get into it over the phone. I need you to come back to the hospital for a minute.”

“I can’t leave Chris,” Buck pointed out.

“I know, and I already have that handled. Hen is on her way right now. She’ll be there in about five minutes.”

“Okay, can you tell me what’s going on?” Buck asked.

He heard Bobby hesitate. “It’ll be easier to explain it when you get here.”

Buck hung up and turned to Chris. “That was Bobby. He said I need to go to the hospital.”

Chris looked worried, and Buck forced a slight smile on his face. “Don’t worry. If it were bad, he would have told me over the phone. Hen will keep you company while I talk to Bobby, okay?”

Chris seemed unconvinced, but nodded. “Okay.”

~~

Buck had a pit in his stomach the entire drive to the hospital. What could be so bad that Bobby couldn’t tell him over the phone? And why did he have to leave Chris right now? Chris was upset enough over all of this; Buck should be with him.

When he finally got there, he barely put the car in park before racing to the hospital doors.

“Bobby,” Buck ran to him when he saw him in the waiting room. “What happened? Why did I have to come back here?”

“Buck, take a deep breath.” Buck took one, and then another. He felt his heart slow, and Bobby guided him to a chair.

“During Eddie’s surgery, there was a moment when his brain started to swell,” Bobby told Buck. “They were able to get it under control, but the doctor wants to let him rest for a while so that his brain has a chance to recover fully. They’re talking about putting him in a medically induced coma.”

“Oh god.” Buck leaned forward. “For how long?”

“They didn’t know yet, ” Bobby told him. They want to monitor his scans and check for improvements.” Bobby paused. “They need you to sign off on this plan, though. They need your consent.”

Buck blinked in surprise. “What are you talking about? “Why would they need my consent? Don’t they need to contact Eddie’s parents, or his sisters, or someone?”

Bobby looked strange, and Buck felt a pit in his stomach. “Bobby, what aren’t you telling me?”

Bobby sighed. “I thought Eddie would have told you by now.”

“Told me what?” Buck asked, the stress overwhelming him. “Bobby, what is going on?”

“Buck, ” Bobby said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Eddie filed a series of documents granting you power of attorney, the authority to make healthcare decisions if he could not, and guardianship of Christopher.”

Chapter 8:

Buck blinked. “I need to sit down.”

Bobby gave him an odd look. “You are sitting down, Buck.”

“Oh.” Buck looked down, his mind still reeling from the sudden turn of events. “That’s good to know, I guess.

This couldn’t be happening. Could it be happening? How could this be happening? Eddie couldn’t have just made Buck in charge of all of these things; he would have had to talk to Buck about it, right? That’s what people usually do before making someone in charge. They speak to the person about it to ensure they can or want to do it.

“Buck.” Bobby squeezed his shoulder, and Buck faintly realized that Bobby had been saying his name for a while. “It’s going to be okay.”

“How did you even know about all of this?” Buck asked, looking up at Bobby.

Eddie hadn’t talked to Buck about this at all. Hell, Eddie hadn’t spoken to Buck about much of anything lately. How could Bobby know about this big thing happening to Eddie and Buck without Buck knowing about it first?

Bobby sighed, shifting in the seat next to him. “Eddie told me last year. He said he wanted me to have a copy of everything just in case the worst happened.”

“He did this last year?” Buck asked. “And he never told me about it?”

“Eddie said that he would tell you eventually, but after the well, he realized he needed to make plans for Christopher to be cared for by someone he trusted. And he realized that the same person should also make his medical decisions because they would know how important it was for Eddie to return to his son.” Bobby gave Buck a slight glance. “And that someone was you.”

Buck bit back tears. He couldn’t believe that Eddie trusted him so much. He had so many other options. What made him pick Buck?

I can’t believe this. ” Buck told Bobby. “Eddie’s aunt and grandmother live nearby: why didn’t he pick them? Or his parents, or his sisters?”

“I can’t tell you that, ” Bobby hesitated for a moment. “I can tell you that you don’t have to do this.”

Buck looked at Bobby, confused. “Bobby, what are you talking about? Of course I do.”

“Buck, you can turn it down,” Bobby told him. You do not have to take this on. Eddie’s relatives can make the decisions about Chris and his medical decisions. This doesn’t have to be on you.”

Buck, let that sink in. He could refuse to do this or leave it to the next person.

But even as he thought it, Buck knew he could never do that. Eddie had trusted him with this.

He thought back to the day after the tsunami when Eddie looked deep into his eyes and told Buck that there was no one in the world he trusted Christopher more than him. Once again, Eddie was proving that to be true.

Buck couldn’t hand this off. Eddie had always been there for him. He drove him to PT; he was there for them after Buck saw Abby for the last time. He was there for him when he found out about his brother. Eddie had never once passed up a chance to be there for Buck. There was no way that Buck could do that, either. Buck didn’t know why Eddie chose Buck over his relatives, but there was one thing he knew: he had to do this. No matter how unsteady he felt, he had to be ready for Eddie and Chris.

“I’m not going to pass on this,” Buck told Bobby, setting his shoulders. “I’m going to do this.”

Bobby nodded at that, a glimmer of pride in his eyes. “I thought you would. I just had to tell you that was another option.”

“But that’s not an option for me,” Buck told him. “After the tsunami, when Eddie dropped off Christopher with me and told me there was no one else he trusted with his son more than me, I couldn’t have just told him no to watching Chris. He trusted me to do it, and that meant everything.” Buck shook his head again. “He’s trusted me again now, so I can’t let him down; I need to show him I am worthy of that trust.”

Bobby smiled at Buck. “And you will. I know it.”

The two of them sat there for a moment, Buck still feeling slightly adrift, when Bobby nudged Buck.

“You should probably come with me to meet his doctor,” Bobby told him.

As they got up, Buck remembered something.

“You should call Ana,” he said to Bobby, blinking in confusion. “His girlfriend. She’ll want to know what was going on.”

Bobby nodded in understanding. “I’ll call her when you’re in with the doctor.”

The two of them walked down the hallway, Buck feeling as though every step weighed a thousand pounds.

They stopped before a room, Bobby motioning for Buck to go inside.

Buck did so, walking into the room to see Eddie lying on a hospital bed.

He looked strangely peaceful. Buck could almost believe Eddie had lain down for a nap if it was not for all the tubes and wires.

“I’m assuming you’re Mr. Buckley?” A woman entered the room, making a beeline for Buck.

“Hi.” He shook her hand. “You can just call me Buck if you want.”

“Okay, nice to meet you. I’m Doctor Marie Nolan,” she told him. “How much have you been told about Mr. Diaz’s condition?”

“Just that you had to put him in a coma.” Buck let out a breath. “How’s Eddie doing?”

“Okay, so here’s the situation.” She motioned for him to take a seat. “Based on the CT scan before surgery, we had reason to believe that Mr. Diaz suffered a blow to the head when he fell during the shooting. During the operation to repair his shoulder, swelling of the brain made it necessary to place him in a medically induced coma.” She gave Buck a sympathetic smile. “I know that sounds bad, so I want to clarify: as of now, Mr. Diaz is as stable as we can hope for.”

“That’s a relief.” Buck sighed.

“Will you sign off on the plan to keep him in the coma a while longer in order for him to recover?”

Buck nodded, taking the papers she held out and signing them without hesitation. “Of course, whatever you need for Eddie to recover. When do you think you’ll be able to take him out of the coma?”

“There’s no way to be sure. We want to closely monitor his condition before making that determination.”

Buck nodded. “Thank you, Doctor.”

“No problem,” she said as she left the room. “I wouldn’t worry too much; from what your captain told me, he’s a fighter.”

Buck let out a small chuckle. “He is.”

Buck was left alone with Eddie and wanted nothing more than to reach out and hold his hand. But he couldn’t. He knew it was crazy, but he felt that if he touched Eddie, he might make things worse.

Even if he wasn’t sure how things could get any worse, he didn’t want to risk it.

So instead, Buck gave Eddie one last look before leaving the room.

Bobby was still standing outside, waiting for him.

“I talked to Ana; she’s on her way.” Bobby gave him a reassuring look. “Do you want me to wait here for her?”

Buck did, but he knew that he should handle telling Ana.

“I should probably wait for Ana,” Buck told him. “She’ll want answers about Eddie, and I think I could help.”

“Are you sure?” Bobby asked. “I have no problem waiting for her and telling her myself.”

“I’m sure.” Buck forced a smile on his face. “I’m sure Athena wants you home anyway.”

“Yeah, you may be right.” Bobby seemed down about something. Buck wanted to ask Bobby about what was going on, but Bobby left before he could.

With nothing else to do, Buck sighed and sat down to wait for Ana.

~~

Ana arrived at the hospital shortly after, looking stressed.

Buck stood up, and she spotted him immediately, rushing over to him.

“Evan,” Ana said, her voice tight with tension. “What is wrong with Edmundo? What could your Captain not tell me over the phone?”

“Maybe we should sit down.” Buck tried to bring her to a nearby chair, but she refused to move.

“Evan, please just tell me,” She asked, her eyes filled with worry.

Buck sighed, wishing anyone else in the world could do this. He had just had to tell Chris, and now he had to break the news to Eddie’s girlfriend.

“Eddie’s been shot,” he finally said, Ana gasping at the news. “He was shot by a sniper while on a call today.”

“How could that have happened?” she asked, a hand over her heart.

“We still don’t know,” Buck told her. “Eddie wasn’t the only one injured.”

She nodded at that. “So, how is he?”

Buck sighed again. “He was shot in the shoulder, and there was a minor complication during surgery. The doctors have placed him in a medically induced coma until the swelling goes down. They still aren’t sure when that will be, so he might be unconscious for a while.”

Ana didn’t know what to say, so Buck pressed onward. “I already put your name on his visitor list, but the doctors might be unable to update you on his condition. If you give me your number, I can provide you with any information I get.”

“Couldn’t I just ask his parents to keep me informed?” Ana asked, her eyes wide with confusion. “As Edmundo’s emergency contacts–”

Buck cut her off. “His parents aren’t his emergency contacts.”

Ana frowned. “Very well, then his aunt, or his abuela.”

“They aren’t his contacts either.” Buck shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “I am.”

Ana’s eyes went even wider. “You?”

“Yeah,” Buck told her. “I just found out myself.”

Ana seemed even more confused. “But when did he even make you his emergency contact?”

Buck didn’t understand why she was asking, but he answered anyway. “I guess sometime last year.”

For some reason, that answer seemed to relieve Ana.

“Anyway, I’ll be by as often as possible to check on him, but right now, I need to get back to Chris.”

“Why are you concerned with Christopher?” Ana asked. “Wouldn’t Eddie’s family be taking care of him?”

Buck sighed again, exhausted. “No, I am.”

Ana didn’t know what to say, so Buck left to return home after getting her number and promising to keep her informed.

Well, he’s not home, though he stopped there first to pick up a few changes of clothes. Then he’s back at Eddie’s.

Buck wasn’t sure when it happened, but Eddie’s place started to feel a little less like home to him.

~~

When he got to Eddie, Chris was already asleep. Hen left soon after, giving Buck a reassuring hug on her way out the door.

And then it was just Buck. Alone in the house

The house seemed so empty without Eddie. Buck felt like he was constantly waiting for Eddie to come around the corner with two beers so they could watch the game.

Buck sighed as he got the spare blankets out of the closet, setting them up on the couch.

He guessed he could’ve slept in Eddie’s room, but that felt wrong.

Buck put down the ballets and pillow, lying down on the couch.

Buck didn’t think this house would ever feel right until Eddie returned home.

Buck closed his eyes, knowing he wouldn’t sleep that night.

~~

The next day at work, Buck joined the rest of the 118 around the engines as Bobby spoke to them.

The firehouse seemed different today, not just because Buck was entering it for the first time with a bulletproof vest. It was quieter, as if the entire 118 was holding their breath.

Athena had dropped his vest off that morning, and Buck couldn’t help but fidget with it. He hated that he had to wear it at all. Why did he deserve to be protected when Eddie was in a hospital bed fighting for his life? This wasn’t fair. None of it was fair.

“I know we’re all worried about Eddie, but he has the best doctors in LA working on him, ” Bobby told them. So, as hard as it is, I need you all to focus. We still have a job to do. We’ll have to do it a little differently now.”

“What do you mean by differently?” Hen asked.

“LAPD is putting additional officers out there every shift,” Bobby told them. “But we still have limited resources, so we’re going to have to think strategically, and we’re going to have to work together.

“That’s great, Cap, but we’re still sitting ducks,” Chimney said what everyone was thinking.

“Well, not entirely, ” Bobby told them. “LAPD will be accompanying us to every call for the foreseeable future. Hopefully, that is enough of a deterrent for whoever did this.

“What about our families… are they in danger, too?” Hen asked, her voice filled with worry.

“We have no reason to think that,” Bobby told her.

“We had no reason to think Eddie would get shot helping a kid, either,” Buck bit out, the entire situation enraging him. Eddie had been trying to do the right thing, and what did it get him?

At that point, everyone started talking over each other, and Bobby had to raise his voice to get them to quiet down.

“Look, if we had the resources to put an officer at every door, I would do that, but we don’t,” he told them. Until they catch this guy, this will be a stressful time,” he paused. “Not just for us, but for the people who love us. And as scared as we are, it’s going to be worse for them. They’re the ones who have to watch us go to work and worry we might not come home.”

Buck looked down at that. He could still remember Chris waking him up this morning and asking if he could talk to his dad. He had been so disappointed when Buck told him that his dad was resting, and he might be for a while.

And then, when he had put on the bulletproof vest that morning before leaving, the look in Chris’ eyes broke his heart. All he wanted was to stay home with Chris and tell him everything would be all right. But he couldn’t. he had to go to work and try to keep other people safe. And that killed him just a little.

“We’ll lean on them, we’ll lean on each other, and that’s how we make it through this.” Bobby finished, speaking just as the alarms went off.

Buck rushed for his turnouts, hoping that work would be able to distract him from what he was feeling.

As they rode to the call, he kept thinking about what Eddie had said the second day that Buck had met him. How they had been doing the same thing, just that Eddie had done it while people were shooting at him.

It might be horrible, but Buck kept thinking about how Eddie couldn’t say that anymore.

Not that that made any of this okay.

Buck would have traded everything for them not to be even on this because then Eddie wouldn’t be in the hospital with a machine helping him breathe.

Before he could think too long on any more of that, they arrived at the scene of the emergency; it was a construction site, with a group of people worriedly looking up in the sky at a construction crane.

As they moved into the area, Buck had a bad feeling about what was happening there.

As it turned out, he was right.

There was a patient trapped on a construction crane, with an arterial bleed in his arm. He was going to bleed out if they didn’t get to him, and their backup hadn’t arrived yet.

“You’d be completely exposed up there, Captain,” the officer warned Bobby. “We can’t protect you.”

“Look, we can sit here trying to do the math, Cap, but we’ve got to get up there,” Chimney told Bobby.

Buck stayed silent as everyone argued around him. Hen and Chimney advocated going up there as soon as the backup arrived, but also said they didn’t think the man had that kind of time. Buck could have helped them; he knew he could get up there and save that man. He was quick, and he had some medical training. He could save that man’s life if he scaled the crane and used every ounce of his training.

But just as he thought that, another thought entered his mind.

The broken look on Chris’ face as he watched Buck put on the bulletproof vest that morning.

And then Buck remembered his promise to Eddie last year not to take any more unnecessary risks. If there was ever a time to keep that promise, it was now.

Buck had to remember that he was responsible for Chris now. He had to do things that were in his best interest. And Chris did not deserve to have another person he cared about shot in the line of duty.

So, as much as it killed him to do it, he stayed put. He watched as the rest of the team tried to find a way to help that man, and he felt a pit grow in his stomach the moment he realized it would be too late.

~~

He could feel Bobby’s eyes watching him in the rearview mirror as he sat in the back of the engine.

He hadn’t said a word since they had left the call. What could he say? He could have saved that man if he hadn’t been so scared.

When they returned to the station, Buck went to the bunk room, hoping no one would follow him. Of course, Bobby did.

“I couldn’t help but notice that that call hit you hard, ” Bobby said, sitting beside him.

“Every call that ends badly hits hard,” Buck tried to deflect.

“Yeah, but this one was different. Talk to me about it.”

“What do you want me to say?” Buck snapped. “That I was a coward? I am the best in the station when it comes to rope rescues; I know I could have climbed that crane and saved that man’s life.”

So why didn’t you?” Bobby asked. “You certainly had thought of how you’d do it, so what made you stay put?”

Bucks sighed, staring at his hands. “I kept thinking about Chris.” Bobby didn’t say anything, so Buck pressed forward. “He was so scared this morning. He didn’t say that he was, but I could see it in his eyes as I put on the vest. And I couldn’t bear him hearing that someone else he cared about had been shot,” Buck scoffed. “So instead, I let that man die just like I let Eddie get shot.”

Bobby touched Buck’s shoulder, turning Buck to face him. “​​Buck, what happened to Eddie was not your fault.”

“You’re right.” Buck scoffed. “I was just the guy standing there when it happened, who couldn’t do anything to protect him. Just like I couldn’t help that man today.”

“Buck, if the sniper had been there and you climbed the crane, you could have been shot.”

“I know!” Buck snapped. “I know what could have happened and what did happen.”

Buck knew it wasn’t fair to snap at Bobby; he was just trying to help. But what good were all his training and years of experience if he couldn’t use them to do the impossible?”

“Do you know what I would have said to you if you had climbed that crane instead of waiting for the police?” Bobby asked.

Buck sighed. “I mean, usually, it’s… ‘What were you thinking?’ ‘That was reckless.’ Or my personal favorite, ‘You could’ve been killed.’”

“Looks like I don’t ​​need to have the conversation. You know it by heart already.” Bobby told Buck. “I don’t ever want to hear you apologizing for safely approaching a dangerous situation. All that would have happened if you had gone up there was that you would have put yourself in danger by deliberately choosing to make yourself a target.” Bobby said. “That man could have lived, but you could have died. And that wouldn’t make anything better, Buck.”

Buck sighed, knowing Bobby had a point.

“I know your recklessness comes from a good place and that whatever actions you take, whether dangerous or impulsive, come from your heart. Because you care.” Bobby told him, sighing. “But we care about you too, Buck, and I will never blame you for not risking your life today. And Eddie wouldn’t blame you either. Not when it meant you were trying to protect his son from more heartache.”

“Do you remember that train derailment last year?” Buck asked, Bobby blinking at the change in subject.

“It’s a little hard to forget that rescue you pulled off.”

“After that accident, Eddie made me promise not to take any unnecessary risks.” Buck let out a breath. “It was after the well, so maybe that’s why he said it, but it stuck with me today.”

“I don’t think that’s why he said it,” Bobby told him. “I think he said it because he cared about you and didn’t want to risk losing you.”

Buck stayed silent for a long time, and he sighed. “I’m going to go make lunch. Why don’t you come and help me?”

Buck didn’t say anything, but he followed Bobby.

Maybe cooking something would lift his spirits.

But deep down, Buck knew nothing would.

Not until Eddie opened his eyes again.

 

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