Reading Time: 95 Minutes
Title: Forever and Ever, Amen
Author: MykkiTno
Fandom: 9-1-1
Genre: Angst, Amnesia, Drama, Family, First Time, Pre-Relationship, Romance
Relationship(s): Evan Buckley/ Eddie Diaz
Content Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Attempted-Rape, Could be considered Dub-con (see note), Hate Crimes/Hate Speech, Homophobia, Anti-Maddie/Chimney but they do get better. Anti-Buckley parents, Anti-Helena, Anti-Conner/Kameron, Ableism, Canon Level Violence, Discussion of Postpartum Depression, Discussion of Canon Domestic Violence
Author Note: regarding consent warning, could be considered dubious consent due to one character having amnesia, but both are very willing.
Alpha: Hourstillnoon
Word Count: 81,903
Summary: On his way to donate Buck is t-boned and ends up in a coma. Eddie and the rest face some hard truths about their youngest member when he wakes up with total amnesia, together they learn that the only way to go forward is with family by your side.
Artist: Drake
PART TWO
Chapter Ten
Waking up was hard. So unbelievably hard, and he almost didn’t want to, but there was something about the voice that was talking. He didn’t understand the words, a combination of English and Spanish filtering through, lacing the tone with an emotion he’d never felt he’d experienced before.
The machine’s beeping beside his head started drowning the man’s voice, and he groaned in displeasure at the whisper of movement, making him blink open his eyes into a surprisingly dimmed room.
It took a second for his eyes to focus, and when they did, he met pure chocolate-coloured eyes lit with love, worry, and, much more surprising, relief in the form of tears.
Even with the tears, the man was still the most beautiful thing, Bu- he shied away from the name, still confused about that – he’d ever seen.
“Safe?” The question made no sense, but the man leaned forward, pressing his head against the hand he hadn’t even realized he’d lifted, a broken, painful laugh escaping his throat.
“Yeah, baby, I’m safe, and so are you.”
The thrill of pleasure at the words and reassurance made a huff of noise escape him, the words he wanted to say lost in his throat, but the noise seemed to scare the man as he pulled back, worry creasing his brow.
Somehow by will alone, he grabbed the hand before it could move and smiled slowly, “Pretty.”
Watching the cheeks darken made him preen inwardly, the resulting warmth from the hand that touched his face freezing him in place; the thumb that dragged across his nose made his eyes flutter, but the voice snapped them open again.
“Still not as pretty as you, Evan.”
A slow smile spread across his face, heat tinging his cheeks and travelling down his neck, his question coming out in a whisper, “My name?”
After that, the bustle that filled his room distracted him enough he didn’t have time to contemplate the confusion in his mind; it was only when Eddie – the man sadly volunteering his name – said he had to go and that Evan needed to sleep.
It was a conflict since sleep sounded like a fantastic idea – if only to see if it helped with his memory issue, but he also didn’t want Eddie to leave. He might not have the memories of who the man was, but even he- Evan could see the evident love he had for him. The sense of safety Eddie’s presence provided helped keep him calm; he desperately wanted to touch and was thankful when Eddie sat down at the bedside without a word,
“I won’t be here when you wake up, but a lady named Athena will be. We’ve been taking turns to sit with you most of the day; she’s a police officer and will keep you safe.”
Nodding sleepily, Evan felt his eyes slide shut though he opened them again to take in the view of Eddie’s face. The words he wanted to say were still trapped between his throat and brain, but exhaustion finally won out, and he fell asleep before he could fight it.
* * *
When he woke up next, he woke slowly, the haze of dreams mingling with his somewhat spotty memory. The urge to see warm, loving eyes directed his way forced him to combat the sleep that threatened to pull him under again. The instant disappointment upon seeing an older woman with dark skin was quickly overshadowed by the loving smile she gave him as she sat up, seeing him wake.
“Hey there, sweetheart, let me see those beautiful baby blues.”
The woman moved to sit on the edge of the bed, her hand coming up to brush his cheek, “It’s been a long time; David said you might be confused for a bit, but we have some food to try if you think you’re up to it.”
Blinking at the fast-paced words, Evan slowly shook his head and then froze, feeling a sense of giddiness flood him, and then he smiled bright and wide. “Name is Evan.”
The woman froze and blinked, looking at him in confusion before nodding slowly, eyes shining with tears, “Yeah baby, it is; my name’s Athena.”
Somehow, he knew that didn’t make sense, and Evan shook his head, “No, mama.” A soft sweet expression crossed her face before she smiled, so he continued with building confidence, “You pa-pa.” He grunted another breath and then brightened in excitement, “wee-woo-wee… siren.”
The look of amusement Athena gave him didn’t make him twitch in embarrassment but bashfulness, and he tried to duck his head, though she stopped that by tipping his chin up and carefully pronouncing the word.
“P-O-L-I-C-E.” the smile that took over her face made him beam, “I’m a sergeant that sometimes works with Eddie.”
“?” Evan struggled to sit up at the name, “Here?”
There was a moment’s pause before Athena said, “Eddie’s at work, baby. Remember?”
“Oh…” deflating against the pillow, Evan poured and knuckled as his eyes, “miss him.”
“He missed you too, so much, Evan,” Athena whispered, moving off the side of the bed when a nurse came in carrying a tray. “Now, how about we sit you up, and you try some food? You need to get strong again.”
“Jello?” Evan pushed against the pillows, flushing when Athena raised a brow and reached over, pressing the button to raise the bed. “gracias.”
Humming, Athena lifted the lid off the tray and offered him a look, “There’s oatmeal.”
Evan made a funny face as he grunted, “Dirt. Jello.” There was a pause as Athena’s brow twitched, but Evan grinned, “Pease.”
The woman before him physically softened though she did wag a finger at him, “You may have some jello, but you have to try something else too, fair?”
Disgruntled, Evan pouted but nodded, “Share?”
Shaking her head, Athena glanced over at the nurse, who nodded and left the room as Athena sank into the chair, “I don’t like jello, Evan.”
Letting out a gasp of shock, Evan increased his pout but weakly made grabby hands as the nurse returned with a few containers of orange and red jello and then almost burst into tears when he couldn’t open the package.
Athena quickly left her chair and sat beside him, showing him how to open the plastic cup and helping him get with the spoon, though he burst into delighted laughter when the jello jiggled and shoved the cup under her nose. “Share.”
With a disgruntled sigh, Athena accepted the container and muttered, “It’s a good thing I love you.”
Beaming like he’d won the lottery, Evan tried to wiggle in place and pitched to the side, glaring at his heavy leg in annoyance. Letting Athena help him, Evan leaned against her chest and whispered, “Thanks, mama.”
With a little huff, Athena wrapped one arm around him and fished out her phone with the other, “want to send a picture to Eddie?”
Nodding vigorously, Evan dropped his head back down after taking a huge mouthful, “And dad.”
Athena didn’t respond but snapped off a few selfies before brushing a hand across the peach fuzz growing on his head, “Of course, Baby, he’ll be in to see you soon. He’s busy with work.”
Humming happily, Evan finished off the container of jello and started in on another, just happy to listen to Athena talk.
Later that day, after repeatedly napping on and off, he regretted the jello though he didn’t say anything. But by the time Athena left, she seemed to realize it too because a short talk with the nurse meant he was injected with some that made his stomach stop churning, and the jello vanished from his room. As she dropped a kiss on his head, she did it tightly and with the promise that Eddie would be in later that night, but late. Still worried over the testing David had made him do, he caught Athena’s hand and whispered, “Mama sad am dumb?”
“None of that, young man. You are the opposite of dumb, alright?” Athena fisted her hands on her hips and glared down at him but deflated when a tear slid down his cheek and repeated gentler, “You are not dumb, Evan. You’ve just hurt your brain, and things got jumbled; we will get through it together, alright?”
Frowning sadly, Evan nodded and opened his mouth though nothing came out, and he wasn’t sure if it was hesitation because he didn’t want to know the answer or if it was because the words kept getting lost. In the end, though, her concern made him sniffle and ask, “Eddie, not novio?”
Athena paused, picking up her purse and glanced at him, “You overheard me speaking to David?”
Shamed, Evan nodded, he knew eavesdropping was wrong, but in his defence, he couldn’t really move without assistance. “Bad?”
“No, baby, it was my fault for talking about it. As for Eddie, in my opinion.” Athena sighed slowly, “You’ve loved each other forever, and I always thought it would happen, but it never did.” She raised an inquisitive eyebrow at him, “Maybe it can now?”
Feeling a blush climb his cheeks, Evan tried pulling the blanket over his head, “Mama teasing.”
Ducking down, Athena pulled the blanket down and lifted his chin, “I’m not Evan, but that is a conversation you and Eddie need to have, alright?”
Slowly Evan nodded with a slight frown, “Fair with the bad brain?”
“Evan, even with the memory problems, you are still yourself, but at the risk of repeating myself, that’s a conversation for you and Eddie.” Athena held his gaze until he nodded sadly, “Love you, Baby.”
“Love Mama too.” He replied automatically and preened a bit as she kissed his head and pulled the blankets up his shoulders.
“Here’s the remote; turn on the tv and try to sleep until Eddie gets here; I’ll see you tomorrow with Dad.” And if there was a wicked gleam of amusement in her eyes at the thought, Evan was suddenly too tired to ask, his eyes drifting closed.
The conversation with Eddie, while thrilling, felt unsatisfying in the end, even after he’d slept on it and woken up. He hated feeling like things were being kept from him and still felt no closer to answers, all because of David. His annoyance at the doctor overseeing his care grew, though everyone else seemed to accept it as a given. And sure, maybe it wasn’t fair; the man had evidently gone to medical school, but Evan wanted answers, and he was tired of being told “soon.” That wasn’t helpful. Point of fact, it was the opposite and made him want to be contrary and contradicting out of spite.
Though the reproving frowns he received stopped that inclination, he hated disappointing people.
After breakfast with no jello or the dreadful oatmeal, the offer of scrambled eggs and toast had left him hungry for something else. He’d been wheeled away for more scans, and it felt like an age later that was finally settled back against his pillows and put the tv on, turning down the volume until it was just a hum of background noise. Then he proceeded to watch the clock, anticipation making him twitch. He’d been excited at the prospect of a surprise, but knowing it was coming, he was half scared that he wouldn’t like it.
Shoving that fear aside, knowing he had to trust Eddie and Athena, he tried concentrating on why he knew the words in his head but couldn’t get them out, and if he did, they were words that fit but didn’t make sense in the context of the rest of the sentence. It was frustrating and annoying, and he desperately hoped someone brought him a phone or an iPad, hell at this point, he’d try a pen and paper though he was afraid his handwriting would make things worse.
With a groan of frustration, he thumped his head on the pillow, hissing at the sting on his arm, and glanced down in horror at the blood that welled up on his arm, the IV that had been there previously hanging over the bar. Staring at it, he slowly reached for the alert button and froze. The flash of something piercing crossed his mind and made him nauseous. He didn’t know what was happening, but he felt overwhelming fear and despair, plus the knowledge he’s lost something precious.
Thirty minutes later, he still felt a mixture of fear, but now it was laced with embarrassment. His reaction to being ‘caught’ had made him burst into tears and repeat ‘sorry’ repeatedly. The nurse, and not one he recognized, was kind and friendly, attempting to reassure him softly as she cleaned and wrapped a bandage around the small wound before summoning another person to help reinstall the IV line.
Now instead of the TV, he just laid on the bed, eyes tracing over the white bandage, knowing it looked familiar but couldn’t tell you why, just like the rest of his life.
Huffing out an annoyed breath, Evan firmly closed his eyes and let himself drift off, hoping the sleep would help.
Something woke him an indeterminable time later, his whole body lighting up in excitement, ears concentrating before he realized it on the small, steady clicks in the hall. The sound was as familiar as the man’s- Eddie’s voice, and he forced his eyes open and looked towards the door. It pushed open a moment later to show a ten-year-old little boy with red glasses on his face, and his body was supported by matching crutches as he stood there with a curious expression of hope.
“Bucky!”
Without understanding why, Evan sat up in excitement, ignoring the black spots that danced before his eyes and held out his arms, tears burning his vision as the small boy galloped onto him and burst into tears.
It was how they were found a few minutes later as Eddie burst into the room, stumbling to a stop a few short steps inside; the two of them were curled up on the bed, crying together, and Evan couldn’t find the words to say why. He didn’t understand his reaction, considering his almost visceral reaction when anyone called him Buck, but it came from the boy he’d accepted wholeheartedly.
When the boy had finally calmed down and lifted his head, Evan brushed the tears from their faces and offered a shy smile, “Hi, buddy.”
Even as the boy peered at him curiously, Evan preened a little because he’d produced a full and complete sentence with proper words, his elation over that falling slightly at the devastating expression on the boy’s face. “You really don’t remember me, Bucky?”
Something like shame curled in Evans’s stomach, but he ignored Eddie’s distress noise and kept his focus on the boy, knowing again that this was important, “sorry. I try. know you, but not person.” He frowned in frustration, scrambling through the list of words he wanted and knew to fit, “Like Solider?” He was disappointed in himself because while it worked, it wasn’t what he wanted, but the boy seemed to understand as his eyes widened in surprise before he flashed Eddie a look of smugness.
“See, Daddy, I was right!” The kid leaned forward and wrapped an arm around Evan’s neck, “he’s just like the winter soldier.”
Affronted, Evan pulled back, “Not bad guy, just broken.”
“You’re not broken, nor are you the bad guy.” Eddie replied firmly as he walked up beside the bed, eyes suspiciously damp, “Your memories are still there but trapped, and we’ll help get them back.”
Evan glanced up at him, unable to keep the questions from his eyes but somehow able to keep them in his throat because while Eddie might have faith, Evan was terrified Eddie was lying to himself; he had no such hope himself.
Thankfully, the boy seemed just as hopeful because he pulled away entirely and held out his hand, “Hi, my name is Chris.” Evan accepted it with a little grin.
“I’m Evan.”
Chris’s face flickered rapidly before he nodded, “If I call you Buck by a-a-accident. I’m sorry.”
Shrugging, Evan leaned against the pillows, “Okay, you call me that.” He pointed a finger, “Only you, best friend?”
Eddie turned away and wiped his face as inconspicuously as possible, but Chris just grinned, “The best; I even beat out Daddy.”
Pleased, Evan returned the grin, sending Eddie a sly look, thinking that he wanted to be more than friends with the man, and from the look Eddie offered, he suspected that was in the cards.
An hour later, Chris had passed out in the bed, and Eddie moved to pick him up, but Evan shook his head and pulled the blanket up to cover him. “He stays.”
“Are you sure?” Eddie asked softly, searching his face.
Evan patted the blanket, wanting to brush the curls out of Chri’s eyes, but didn’t trust his hands not to shake and hit him. “Safe.”
“He’s always safe with you.” Eddie replied and sank into the chair, reaching over to brush the bandage, “what happened?”
Flushing, Evan ducked his head, “Scared. Blood.” He held up his other hand, “Lady fixes needle.”
Nodding as if he understood, Eddie leaned down and picked up a duffel bag Evan hadn’t noticed, “So I’m not sure when they’re letting me spring you, so I packed you a bag of stuff.” He lifted a brow at Evan’s huff and grinned, “I thought you might like some sweats and a hoodie, though the gown is pretty stylish if not overly revealing.”
Face flushing at that, Evan tried pulling the blanket over his exposed thigh because the gown was the opposite of what Eddie said, and by his amused smirk, he knew it too.
Huffing again, Evan glared at him, “No teasing.”
Chuckling, Eddie held his hands, “Alright, no teasing.” He waited for a beat and grinned, “which is a shame; you blush very nicely.”
“Eds.” Evan squirmed momentarily, forgetting Chris was beside him, at least until the boy wrapped an arm around his stomach and snuggled closer.
Freezing at the contact, Evan glanced down at the boy and instantly softened, his face feeling like it was competing in an Olympic sport as it couldn’t decide what emotion to show. “Your son?”
There was a moment of silence before Eddie spoke carefully, “Biologically, yes, but you’ve been his father too from the day you met.”
Stomach flopping, Evan glanced up, unsure how to take the sentence, “Thought David said no advice.” Frustrated, he blew out a hard breath, “wrong word.”
“Hey, now.” Eddie stood up and leaned over the bed, cupping his cheek, “What you have right now, the word thing is called Aphasia; it’s common with a traumatic brain injury, just like you suffered from.” He smoothed his thumb over Evan’s cheek and smiled, “I know it will be frustrating, there will be days you get upset because you can’t get the word, and there will be days I get upset because I don’t understand, but we will work around it, and get through it.”
Lip quivering, Evan nodded his hand a little bit, shivering as Eddie’s thumb brushed his lip, “promise?”
“I promise. David will be in later; he’s on a consult and then talking with Athena and Bobby about treatment options, but Chris was too impatient to see you.” Eddie explained softly, “I know they will be discussing options for a speech therapist, an occupational therapist, and possibly some physical therapy because you’ve lost a lot of muscle mass. But don’t worry about that for now; today is a day of relaxing; I know Bobby is running out to grab take-out-”
“Pancake?” Evan broke in excitedly, the reaction making Eddie laugh softly.
“Unfortunately, no, I don’t think pancakes are on the menu, but-” he covered Evan’s mouth to finish, “after you get out, I’m pretty sure Bobby will have you over to feed you as many pancakes as you can stuff into your stomach, alright?”
“Kay.” After kissing the fingers covering his mouth, Evan pulled Eddie’s hand away, “Still sad.”
Grinning, Eddie nodded, “I know; Bobby’s pancakes are the best.” He nodded to the bag on the chair, “you want me to show you what else is in the bag?”
Eyes darting to the bag curiously, Evan nodded, “Till Mama gets room.”
With eyes shining with amusement, Eddie nodded, “Of course, cariño.” He moved back over to the bag and pulled out a few changes of clothes and underwear before holding up a pair of fuzzy socks, “Chris said we needed them because you sleep in socks like a weirdo.”
Making a face at that, Evan glanced between the socks and his feet before darting a look at the sleeping Chris and shrugged. “Try?”
“You want to put the socks on?” Eddie questioned.
Hesitating briefly, Evan nodded and repeated, “Try.”
Eddie nodded and moved to the bed of the bed, helping Evan slide his feet out from under the covers, “so the cast is supposed to come off tomorrow; David said he was going to have another X-ray done, but the last one was auspicious but suggested you might have to use a cane for a bit just to make sure you have no balance issues.”
“Standing made spots dance,” Evan said, wiggling his toes as the fuzzy material settled over his surprisingly cold feet.
“I was told, which is why you still have the catheter in, tomorrow there will be a whole bunch of tests, but I’m hopefully optimistic that you’ll be released in a few days; everything else has gone fine.” Eddie helped situate his feet under the blankets again and then went to fix the tangled mess Evan had created.
“You jinx me?” Evan demanded, watching as Eddie‘a head snapped up wide-eyed.
“Pardon?”
“Ah.” Evan could only shake his head helplessly and then attempt to hit it, but Eddie caught his hand.
“No, baby, don’t do that. You just startled me.” Eddie perched on the edge of the bed and offered a reassuring smile, “As a general rule, firefighters are suspicious, but I’ve been a skeptic all my life; the only thing I’ve believed in is my son.” He pulled a chain from inside his shirt, a little charm dangling from it, “he protected me and brought me home.” He hesitated before lifting it over his head and looping it over Evan’s neck, “no jinx, curses, or bad luck is going to prevent you from coming home, cariño.”
Not sure how to react, Evan felt a flush burn his cheeks but managed to nod, “David said no advice.”
“David changed his mind.” Eddie tapped his nose and returned to the bag, “remember how I said David was on a consult and then talking to Athena and Bobby?”
Slowly Evan nodded and twisted his hands nervously in his lap.
“David is going over the results from the tests you did this morning, they’ll probably do a couple more before you leave and a few after, but for now, David is not worried about providing false information for the testing, so we can speak normally.”
Confused, Evan sank into the pillows, feeling sadness and relief, followed by dread, “am I broken forever?”
“What did we say about being broken?” Eddie responded without looking up.
The action made Evan roll his eyes, “Not broken, just peach.” Then he snorted in embarrassment because that definitely wasn’t the word he meant to say. What made it better? Eddie glanced over and joined in the laughter. It felt normal and just like home, making it worth it.
* * *
Chris and Evan were picking through the lunch tray, making matching sad faces at the offerings, when Athena knocked on the door holding up a take-out bag, “Good afternoon, Baby.”
“Mama!” Evan exclaimed excitedly, focusing on Athena and not the take-out bag like Chris.
Evan twisted on the bed and made grabby hands, to which Athena laughed, dropping the bags unceremoniously in Eddie’s lap, and wrapped Evan in a tight hug, brushing a kiss over his forehead. “Hey, sweet boy, Bobby’s coming; he’s got the drinks but got distracted by Peggy, who said you had a bit of a mishap with the iv this morning.”
Nodding eagerly, Evan held up the bandaged arm, “Blood. Fixed it.”
Brushing the still-growing hair back in, Athena kissed his forehead again, “Alright, baby, glad it’s fixed. Now how about some real food?”
“Shake Shack?” Evan asked curiously as he finally glanced at the plain brown bags.
Athena gave him a gimlet look and huffed, “Of course, Avocado bacon burger with extra bacon and cheese, tomato and mushrooms. I know my boy’s vice.”
Grinning, he clapped his hands excitedly and then flushed. Feeling Eddie eye him curiously, Evan shrugged, unable to explain any of it, before directing his attention back to Athena, “Gravy?”
Her eyebrow raised in mock irritation, but she softened at his puppy dog look and moved across the room to remove a bag from Eddie’s lap. “Always.”
Quickly, the despised lunch offering was removed, and the table was set up for Evan and Christopher, who had an almost identical sandwich minus the tomato, both munching their way through their food like it would disappear.
Eddie kept giving them suspicious looks but refrained from saying anything under Athena’s stern eye, though she did mouth ‘later.’ Evan and Chris remained oblivious as they plowed through the burgers and then moved on to the fries, giggling as they alternated between dunking in ketchup and the gravy.
Bobby arrived mid-meal, an apology falling from his lips as he hurried into the room, balancing two trays of drinks. “Sorry guys got held up.” He glanced around and pouted, “I see you couldn’t wait.”
Evan grinned with a mouthful of food, “Sorry, Dad, hospital food, bad.”
Bobby froze in the middle of the room, eyes brightening suspiciously before Athena moved and grabbed the trays and pushed him towards the bed.
Bobby moved quickly, wrapping his arms around Evan heedless of the ketchup and gravy on his hands and face, both men damp around the eyes, as Bobby whispered in his ear. “I missed you; sorry I couldn’t get here sooner.”
“Okay. Fire boss important.” Evan whispered tightly, squeezing his head against Bobby’s neck.
Sniffling, Bobby raised his head and frowned a little, Chris beside them reaching over to pat Bobby’s hand, “It’s okay, Bobby, Bucky has Asphia… he can’t remember the right words yet.”
The frown increased on Bobby’s face, and he darted a glance toward Eddie and Athena; Eddie answered, “It’s Aphasia, Chris and I did some research over breakfast this morning.”
Understanding dawned, and Bobby rubbed at his face before pulling Evan into another hug, “That’s fine. We’ll work through it.”
It took a few minutes for Bobby to release Evan, and he sat down in the chair right by the bed, gazing at the man as he wordlessly ate the burger Athena handed over, eyes never leaving Evan’s.
As they finished eating, the conversation was kept light-hearted and simple when Chris asked to get down to use the bathroom, and Bobby glanced at the two other people. “Has Maddie responded?”
A flash of irritation crossed Eddie’s face, and he nodded, “She’ll be here around 2; is coming in soon to get Chris; after that, David and Natasha want to sit down and talk everything out with Evan present.”
Startled at that, Evan shook his head, “No.”
Eddie froze and turned to face him, “Why not?”
Folding his arms, Evan pouted, “David, bad news.”
Laughing, Athena sat beside Evan and touched his arm, “It’s not bad news, not this time. He’s optimistic and wants to go over a rehabilitation program, so everyone is on the same page, even if when you’re released, you’ll be going to stay with Eddie.”
Perking up at that, Evan glanced at Eddie, who nodded, “The three of us, if you have no objection, already worked out a schedule.”
“Why issue?” Evan asked in confusion.
Bobby leaned forward to draw his attention, “Do you mean what’s the issue?”
Shaking his head, Bobby smiled and continued, “Objection?”
“Yeah. That.” Evan pointed at Bobby, lips curling.
“Well, technically, even if Eddie or I have control over your medical care, we still want you to be happy; you have a voice in this too.”
Evan glanced between them before settling on Eddie, gazing back at him softly, “Go home with novio.”
Bobby opened his mouth, but Eddie cut him off before he could speak, “Then you’ll come home, Evan.”
A short time after Chris returned from the bathroom, Eddie glanced at his phone and excused himself, pressing a soft kiss to Evan’s forehead. “I’ll be right back.”
Not understanding the small smirks playing on Athena and Bobby’s faces, he glanced at Chris, who frowned up at him but still leaned against his side, “Daddy kissed you.”
Suddenly worried it had upset Chris, Evan swallowed hard, “Is it okay? Not mad?”
Chris pulled back and burst into laughter, and shrieked, “No! It’s the best thing ever. Can I call you Papa now?”
Tears instantly sprang to Evan’s eyes, and he swallowed down a sob but couldn’t answer, and his heart broke again when Chris’s face crumbled in disappointment, and he tried to crawl off the bed.
“Chris, just wait-” Thankful Athena stepped in and slid onto the bed, before careful of Chris’s feet, as she settled the boy back against the bed. “Remember how Evan has trouble with words; sometimes they may not match his meaning. It could be the right word, but not correct for the sentence?”
Tears spilled over the boy’s cheeks, and Evan matched him instantly, still frozen beside him, unable to do anything. His heart was racing, and his mind tumbled through undeniable want. He might not have any of his memories, but his heart and mind both knew that having Chris want him as his dad was something he craved.
Athena reached over and cupped his cheek, brushing the tears from his face, “You need to calm down, Evan. Come on, Baby, take a breath.”
Gasping on an inhale, Evan slowly copied Athena until he was hiccuping softly, and she gave him a kind look, “I’m going to ask you a yes or no question. All you need to do is nod your head up and down if the answer is yes. Alright?”
Slowly, Evan nodded and took another breath, wanting to draw Chris closer but keeping to himself; he’d already hurt the boy enough, and it wasn’t fair for his emotional and damaged brain to continue hurting him.
A throat clearing snapped his eyes up, and he met Athena’s compassionate gaze, “Give me another breath, baby.”
Complying, Evan exhaled slowly and evenly.
“Good, now my first question, alright. Did Chris’s question scare you?”
It did, but it didn’t, and he didn’t know how to answer; he really didn’t want to say yes, but he didn’t have the words to explain.
Taking his lack of answer as a no, Athena moved on, “Did it make you mad?”
A vigorous shake of his head and a frown grew on Evan’s face. “NO!”
Chris jumped beside him, and Evan flinched and ducked, “sorry.”
The boy beside him peered up at him and wiped at his face, “Bucky? Are you happy?”
Nodding as hard as he could, Evan burst into tears and tried wiping at his face, “Ha-ha-happy.”
* * *
It’s how Eddie came back and found them; Buc- Evan and Chris were crying all over each other; Bobby had tears in his eyes, too, as he held both boys in his arms, rubbing their backs alternately whispering softly to them. Even Athena had suspiciously bright eyes as she looked over them protectively by the side of the bed. She met his worried gaze with a smile, “miscommunication. We’re alright.”
Setting the bag he was carrying down, he crossed the room, wanting to offer comfort but not sure how, “what happened?”
The door opened behind him, and bustled into the room, eyes bright with excitement, and it made Eddie realize how much the older woman cared about Evan. She’d said for years that he was family, and her expression confirmed it.
Abuela quickly crossed the room, reaching out and stroking first Chris’s and then Buck’s head,There was a sniffle as Buck wiped his nose, but then he whispered a response against Chris’s hair,
There was a moment of silence that made Buck look up worried,
“Chris can call you Papa, Evan. That’s…” Eddie trailed off and exchanged a speaking glance with Athena, who nodded and slipped from the room. Eddie flushed as he continued, “I didn’t know you spoke Spanish fluently.”
Confused, Evan glanced around the room, taking in Bobby’s confused expression, Abuela’s fond one, and Chris’s water-soaked, amused one, “but Abuela? Spoke Spanish, polite to Spanish back.”
A helpless chuckle left Eddie’s mouth, “Yeah, I know that cariño, that’s not the issue; all your testing has been done in English, which, yes, you can understand, but finding the correct words in English is causing issues, right?” Eddie took a breath and a sidestep away from Abuela, who quirked an amused brow at him. Then tried to not rush his rusty Spanish, and spoke slowly,
Understanding dawn, with an excited wiggle, “Fix me better?”
“You need to stop calling yourself broken because you’re not, Evan.” Eddie pleaded earnestly as Athena slipped into the room with an amused chuckle.
“David is currently facing an existential crisis and is frantically looking for a multilingual nurse; he’s also on the phone lamenting to Natasha about how neither of them thought of trying in different languages.”
Evan glanced around the room again, eyebrow twitching, “no one speaks Spanish?”
“I’m learning.” Chris piped beside him, then tossed a saucy look at his father, “I’d get more practice in, but daddy’s lax and doesn’t try.”
Athena shrugged, “my understanding is limited. I can communicate enough until a translator arrives.”
Bobby shrugged and agreed, “I probably have the least amount, I can say like five words, all related to an emergency situation, and I’ve never really heard you speak it beyond one or two words in the same circumstances.”
Still frowning, Evan glanced between Eddie and Abuela but focused on Eddie, “Why not you? Spanish, yes?”
Eddie winced, “Half Mexican, half Swedish.”
Perking up at that, Evan frowned and asked,
Evan’s shoulders fell when it elected no response, “If family, why not know me?”
“I knew.” Chris protested hotly, “Buck and I practice at the zoo or aquarium, though he called it a game like I was five or something.” He frowned at Buck, “we can still do that, right?”
Nodding tightly, Evan allowed the boy to settle against his side as Bobby moved back to the chair, Athena stepping forward.
“You are family.” Athena spoke softly but firmly, “But you’ve always had this habit of keeping yourself hidden. None of us knew you had a sister until she arrived almost five months after your probationary period ended.”
Evan groaned, closing his eyes and fell back against the pillows, “so confused.” His eyes snapped open, “sister?”
All the adults winced, but Eddie nodded at Bobby taking up the thread of the conversation, “You do remember how Bobby said the name Maddie earlier? She’s coming to visit you later this afternoon, but she’s not happy with me right now.”
Curious, Evan tilted his head and gestured for Eddie to continue, but when he hesitated Evan lost his temper, and snapped,
Wincing, Eddie averted his gaze and whispered, “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Not telling hurts more.” Evan gestured towards Athena, “know not bio, Bobby not sure.” He blinked rapidly suddenly, voice cracking as he confessed. “reasons out have bio peoples out there, forgotten feels normal.”
Ignoring everyone in the room, Eddie moved to the bed and lifted Buck’s chin forcing eye contact, “Maddie is upset that you named me and Bobby your medical proxy, and has actively gone out of her way to try and change treatment options claiming neither of you has the money to pay, so I had been paying out of my own pockets. I found out recently that about seven months ago, you updated your will, which lists me as your next of kin, power of attorney and beneficiary.” Eddie took a breath and continued, “Per your request, Maddie has not been informed of this change and is currently scrambling trying to find documentation to back up her claims as she was denied a dissolution during mediation, plus she’s currently experiencing pushback from the bank in accessing your financial records.”
“Oh.” Evan blinked back the rush of tears, “treasure hunter?”
Confused, Eddie frowned but then smiled, “No, not a gold digger, at least not intentionally. Maddie has lived a hard life and experienced a huge financial hit over the last two years. I also think she has some unresolved guilt concerning you and how you were treated growing up. She won’t or can’t quit trying to work her own agenda regarding you and your care.”
“I pick you?” Evan questioned again with a frown, as Eddie nodded before asking sarcastically,
Eddie blushed furiously as Chris and Abuela burst into laughter, Abuela leaning on the bed, She grinned wildly as they both blushed hard, “because it hasn’t happened yet, my name is Isabella Diaz, Eddie is my grandson and Chris my great-grandson. You’ve called me Abuela for three years, and I don’t expect it to change, even without your memories, si?”
Wide-eyed Evan nodded determinedly, “Si Abuela, no
“No chancla.” Abuela agreed with a grin and then leaned over and kissed his head, “I’m so happy you’re alive, Evanito.”
A watery chuckle escaped Evan as he nodded tightly, “Me too, even if brain is peach.”
Even though the conversation was semi-serious, the comment broke them into tired giggles as Evan leaned back against the pillows again, gazing at the people who’d claimed him as their own. While he didn’t fully understand that significance, he appreciated it way more than he could articulate. “Love you all.”
Chapter Eleven
A knock at the door made them all look up as David poked his head in, an apologetic look on his face, “Sorry for the delay, guys, but we’re going to have to push off the talk after another reassessment, which, unfortunately, can’t happen until tomorrow.” When Evan’s face fell, David smiled, “I have some good news, though; if we can coordinate everyone’s schedules, I feel confident in letting you leave in three days.”
“Home?” Evan asked hopefully, exchanging a look with Chris, who squealed happily beside him.
“Yeah, home just in time for Christmas.” David responded warmly, “I’ll go over the appointments we have set up after Christmas, but for the first week, I advise small settings, no need to over-stimulate and overload your still healing brain.”
“No, bad event.” Evan agreed, “Min-min-” he frowned, “no persons.”
David tilted his head, “is that the first word you’ve tried to say without success?”
At Evan’s confused frown, he glanced at Eddie, before sliding to Abuela, and spoke in Spanish. “Creo que la palabra que quiero, pero en su lugar salen palabras estúpidas al azar.”
Eyes lighting up, Abuela turned to David ignoring Eddie’s pout at being passed over as translator, and repeated what Evan had said, “he said he can think of the word he wants, but it’s stupid random words that come out instead.”
Nodding vigorously, Evan pointed, “That. Hard.”
Pulling out a notepad, David jotted down a note, with a little furrow, before pocketing the book, “Okay, if you notice anything else like that or something that seems abnormal to what Evan has already done, please make a note of it.” As they all nodded, David flashed a little grin and waved before leaving the room.
The silence that filled the room was comfortable and light when Abuela spoke softly, “, if you still wish to go, we still have time to go to our appointment.”
Eddie frowned in confusion and looked between his grandmother and son, as
Chris gasped and randomly threw himself at Evan, “I love you, but I gotta go. Abuela is taking me Christmas shopping for you and Dad.”
“Glad to know where I rate on the scale, mijo,” Eddie replied dryly with an eye roll.
Chris grinned and hugged Evan again before sliding off the bed as Bobby handed over his crutches. Once the boy was settled on his crutches, he glanced at his dad, “Can you FaceTime me so I can say goodnight to Papa?”
Evan’s response was to sniffle and offer a weak high five, “Love you.”
Eddie smiled from the chair before rising to his feet and helping get Chris’s backpack settled on his back. “We’ll call before bedtime.” He went to reach for his wallet but froze as Abuela narrowed her eyes, and he held up his hands defensively. “Don’t go overboard, please.”
An affronted look crossed the old woman’s face, and she pointed right at him, “It’s my money, Edmundo; don’t you dare tell me how to spend it.”
Evan snickered on the bed, “Ed-Ed-Edmundo? Name?”
“It is, and it really sucks that you prefer your name because I can’t even call you Evan in retaliation.” At that, Evan barked out a startled laugh and then giggled helplessly. Rolling his eyes fondly, Eddie shook his head and addressed the two official Diazes in the room, “You too have fun, and call if you need anything, alright?”
“Pfft. We’ll be fine.” Abuela moved over the bed and enfolded a still giggling Evan in a warm hug and kissed his cheek, “You be good, Evanito.”
“Si, Abuela,” Evan whispered as he hugged her back.
Then with another flurry of hugs to everyone, they left the room. As they did, Evan blinked, suddenly tired, and settled back against the pillows, Athena moving to clean up the small mess left behind. “You sleep if you need Evan; the three of us can entertain ourselves and coordinate scheduling in-depth, alright?”
“Not rude?” Evan asked around a yawn.
Bobby chuckled and shook his head, pulling out his phone as Eddie slid onto the bed, Evan automatically curling up on his chest, arm slung over his stomach. His eyes were already sliding shut before any of them could respond verbally.
Evan slept for about forty-five minutes before a commotion at the door disturbed him. He blinked awake enough to see Bobby and Athena in the chair and register the warm body still underneath him; he closed his eyes again and snuggled closer.
The whisper of someone moving made him force his eyes open again, and he turned while frowning because Bobby was no longer sitting there, and Athena’s face was turned towards the door. The look on her face made him know Evan never wanted to see it directed at him while also refusing to consider that it might have, and he’d just forgotten. Wanting to extinguish that look on her face, he reached out a hand and tried to whisper, “Mama?”
The people at the door gasped loudly, indicating his whisper had been anything but quiet, though it had the desired effect of making Athena divert her attention to his.
Athena’s face softened into a genuine fond look as she stood and settled on his other side, took his hand, and caressed his face with the other one. “You have visitors, baby. Remember how we said Maddie was coming to see you?”
Evan nodded, feeling a flush climb his cheeks as he nuzzled the firm chest under his head, but he forced himself to sit up after pressing a kiss to the collarbone, A cheeky grin breaking across his face as he felt Eddie shiver. He ignored the people gathered in favour of watching Eddie’s face, who was gazing at him with a vexed and heated expression that he loved.
“Evan?” The tone and the way his name was said made him flinch and jerk his eyes to gaze at the strangers at the end of his bed. A middle-aged brunette woman was holding a dark-haired toddler, holding out her arms to him, and a man of Asian heritage had his arms folded with a scowl across his face. Behind them were two older people; both looked uncomfortable, with pinched expressions as they seemed to glare straight through him.
He didn’t like them.
That was his first and only thought.
Evan knew he didn’t; the how or why didn’t matter. Pointing at the door, Evan said one word. “Leave.”
The four of them had stunned expressions, but the older woman whose scowl came back had him straightening his back; though she forced a fake smile on her face, her voice still lanced straight through his head. “Evan, that‘s no way to treat your parents; we’re here to care for you until you’re better.”
Anger surged through his system so hard and so fast it made him light-headed, but the words he feared trapped came spilling out.
“Not sick, just memory gone, but mind knows of you. You miserable persons who enjoy pain. Get out.”
Athena took that as her cue and rose to her feet, “Maddie, I’m going to remind you over our text exchange which said you and Chim could come with Jee, but your parent’s visit was conditional on Evan’s reaction; he has clearly stated they need to leave, so….”
Maddie closed her eyes helplessly and small jerk of her head, “Mom, Dad, please wait in the hall, and I’ll come out and give you an update shortly.”
“This is preposterous, Maddie. He’s our son, and he’s not in his right mind. you can’t seriously be allowing some strangers to dictate his care.” Phillip boomed, going red in the face.
“They hold his medical proxy, Dad; yes, they can,” Maddie explained carefully.
Evan wanted to speak and add they held everything, but his earlier conversation with Eddie floated through his mind, and he bit his tongue though he did grab Eddie’s hand. He lifted his chin defiantly when the older woman zeroed in on the action, made a disgusted face, and scoffed. “Memory issues are right; I thought I corrected that behaviour once before, though it doesn’t seem to have cured your sickness.”
“Mrs.Buckley, I’m going to have to insist you leave this room before I have to arrest your ass.” Athena intoned as she placed her hands on her hips, fingering the cuffs on her belt.
“You can’t arrest me for making a comment.” Mrs.Buckley retorted with a sneer.
Maddie interrupting and spoke pleadingly. “Mom, please don’t make this worse.”
Sniffing disdainfully, the older woman drew herself to her full height and glared at everyone in the room. Maddie shrank under the look, but Evan grinned in amusement, his expression making their mother pause, before rallying and grabbing their father’s arm with a jerk, “We’ll see about this disrespect, Evan. Let’s go, Phillip. I want to contact our lawyer. Medical proxy indeed, it’s bullshit.”
When the door banged shut, Evan relaxed minutely against the bed and let out a breath, “names?”
Eddie shifted on the bed to be more supportive as a backrest and spoke. “Your sperm donors-” Maddie made a noise of protest, but Eddie ignored her beyond giving her a glare, “are named Margaret and Phillip Buckley.” Eddie nodded to the end of the bed, “The three people left are Maddie Buckley, Howard Han, who prefers to go by Chimney, and their daughter Jee-Yun.”
Hearing her name, the toddler shrieked in happiness and tried throwing herself out of Maddie’s arms again before yelling, “Buck.”
Evan hesitated but slowly raised his arms, a momentary flash of surprise crossing his face when Maddie willingly let her go with a whispered reminder to Jee, “Be gentle with Uncle Evan; he just woke up and could be sore.”
Still not sure he liked Evan coming from Maddie, Evan took the little girl, Eddie helping him with the IVS as Jee slammed into him and clung, wrapping spindly little arms around his neck.
Chimney and Maddie stood awkwardly, opening and closing their mouths a few times before Evan finally felt pity for them. “Can sit and talk. No mean persons allowed.”
“Don’t you mean no mean people are allowed, Buck?” Howard-Chimney asked with a grin, clearly trying to go for a joke.
Evan lifted his head and questioned, “Mean persons include you?”
“Howie didn’t mean it that way, Evan.” Maddie intervened swiftly, offering him a small smile, “he was just joking.”
“Not, hahaha.” Evan replied tonelessly, “Not funny. Bully for teasing sp-sp- talking.”
Chimney and Maddie flushed violently at being called out, Evan redirecting his attention to Jee, the two of them whispering together.
For a few minutes, that was the only sound in the room beyond the monitoring equipment, Jee’s high-pitched questions and Evan’s slow and careful answers, the mixture of Spanish and English causing Eddie to smile.
Athena and Bobby had moved back to the side of what was their unofficially claimed chairs under the windows, Athena texting furiously on her phone. Chimney and Maddie sank into the chair on Eddie’s left, so he was between them and Evan. He was lying against the pillows, eyes cracked enough to see the look of displeasure that crossed Maddie’s face at his spot, but he ignored her in favour of keeping a steady hand behind Jee’s back when she got a little too exuberant in laughing.
Shortly though, Jee fell silent as she snuggled against Buck’s chest, eyes closed and face flushed from the laughter and what looked like a bit of beard burn.
Evan glanced up, eyes lit with happiness, “tienes una hija muy hermosa.”
Confused, the two parents glanced around the room before Eddie sighed, “he said you two have a very beautiful daughter.”
Face softening, Maddie agreed, “Yeah, she is, thank you.”
Nodding, Evan glanced down again and brushed an orange curl off Jee’s face, only looking up when Chimney spoke, voice hesitant. “Didn’t know you spoke Spanish, Buck.”
“He actually-”
Evan shook his head, squeezing Eddie’s hand, though his eyebrow twitched slightly. “Buck, fine.”
Eddie nodded slowly as Athena suddenly stood up. “I’ll be right back.”
Athena ducked over the bed and brushed a kiss to Evan’s head and met Eddie’s eyes, and jerked her eyes towards the door.
Nodding slightly, Eddie shifted on the bed, so Evan could lean against the pillows more, Jee sliding between them fast asleep.
Evan opened his mouth to protest, but Eddie squeezed his hand and tapped the back of it as Athena slipped from the room. Tilting his head in confusion, he silently counted the taps, mentally translating his eyes lighting up in excitement.
Snorting a laugh, Eddie could only shake his head,
“What did you two say?” Maddie demanded, voice bordering on harsh.
Before Eddie could respond, Evan did, voice clipped and unfamiliar as it was direct and firm. “Private talk. Not business.” When Maddie opened her mouth to protest, Evan held up a hand and pointed at the door with his other, “Disagree, door there.”
Maddie reared back, flinching as if struck, Chimney bristling when her eyes filled with tears. “You can’t talk to your sister like that; she’s allowed to be concerned about your welfare and state of mind.”
“Concern sure.” Evan agreed, “But stay here for long time, awake for days, first visit why?”
“Eddie was blocking Maddie from doing her job.” Chimney’s face hardened, and he pointed angrily at the other man, “which is something you need more than most; you do a lot of stupid shit. It just makes your sister-”
Evan broke in with a disgruntled noise cutting off Chimney mid-rant, a curious expression on his face as he kept his gaze locked on Maddie’s. “Know have word problems, your excuse?” Evan watched impassively as tears sprang to Maddie’s eyes and didn’t feel an ounce of guilt. Evan’s eyes hardened in realization; it was a tactic Maddie used to get what she wanted. “Not sorry for words, tears not needed, answer?”
“We’ve been under a lot of stress, concerned for you and working out schedules; we’ve also bought a house and getting approval for that has been a nightmare, plus mom and dad, trying to handle them, and a toddler is a full-time job.” Maddie offered hesitantly as she wiped her eyes.
Evan thought it interesting that neither Bobby nor Eddie intervened though they both radiated approval and wondered what it implied said about his relationship with Maddie. He hummed and nodded to himself. “Still not answer.”
“I don’t know what you want then, Evan.” Maddie snapped.
“Why man, speak for you? Need approval?” Evan snapped just as waspishly. “Don’t know him or you or stupid people who came with you. Treat me like I dumb, even said so.” He pointed at Chimney, “Lou and Mama tell me accident not my fault, so why blame me?”
At that, everyone looked shocked, and Bobby spoke softly from the chair, “Lou was in to talk to you?”
Nodding, Evan grabbed Eddie’s hand needing physical comfort. “Yeah, jello day. Mama explains he good persons.”
“He is; he’s been a great help to your investigation.” Eddie assured him quickly, “And you are the opposite of dumb or stupid.” He glared at the couple sitting gobsmacked in the chairs, “Your brain is just bruised right now.”
Evan rolled his eyes, “Not broken, just peach, I remember.”
Eddie chuckled and admitted, “I love that you keep saying peach; it’s adorable.”
Feeling a blush climb his cheeks, Evan shrugged, “other word is weird; feels funny on tongue.”
“I’m sorry, Evan, I just-” Maddie broke off with a flush, “I’ve been very frustrated; I feel like I got pushed aside, and even though I hold your financial responsibility- no one was willing to listen.” Maddie took a deep breath, “I was scared you’d wake up and regret everything anyone was willing to put you through, and the idea that it could bankrupt you was a great deal of stress.”
“And the presence of Maggie and Phil?” Evan asked, ignoring Eddie’s snort of amusement.
Maddie’s brow wrinkled into a pained expression, but she didn’t comment on the nicknames and wet her lips, “I called Mom and Dad; they came because they were worried.”
“About who? Don’t think me; feel like they never cared.” Evan mused slowly as he blinked slowly.
“That’s not true, Evan, they love you-”
“Yeah, who, Danny, then?” Evan demanded angrily, not feeling any remorse as he watched the blood drain from her face as she shook her head. “Liar.” Evan pulled back and looked at Eddie, “Done.”
“You’re all done?” Eddie asked cautiously, even as he moved off the bed and gathered a sleeping Jee. Evan nodded and collapsed against the bed, and wiggled around until he was comfortable. “Done-done.”
Nodding, Eddie carried Jee over and held her out to either parent’s lips, thinning when they stared at him in disbelief. “You guys were warned; when Evan said he was done, you leave.”
“But we haven’t discussed anything, the care when he comes home, recovery, any of it.” Maddie protested as she stood and tried to move around Eddie and her daughter, but Bobby moved quickly and inserted himself in the way of the bed.
“You agreed, Maddie, in writing, so you can’t argue. You and Chimney need to take Jee and leave; maybe you can try on your own in a few days.” Bobby replied firmly.
“This isn’t fair; he’s my brother. I deserve to know what’s happening and going on. I need dates to set everything up in our home so he has care and support.” Maddie took a breath before continuing, but Evan spoke softly and warily from the bed.
“Curious, live with you before?”
Maddie was silent as she finally took her daughter, and it was Eddie who responded, “Briefly, a few years ago, but you bought a condo shortly after; why?”
“Why assume I can’t go there then?” Evan questioned curiously with eyes hard. “If brain only peach, not like sick. Go to the condo, right?”
At that, Maddie and Chimney flinched; Maddie responded quickly, “You don’t need to visit the condo, Evan. Even if it’s just a bruised brain, Evan, you’ll still need care. Supervision and support, you can’t possibly live by yourself.”
“Why not? own it, don’t I? Something might kick memory.” Evan quarrelled, glaring between them.
Eddie moved to sit back on the side of the bed and took his hand, reassuringly squeezing it. “So what Maddie, isn’t saying? They ‘rented’ it to Albert in exchange for him packing up and selling off your possession. They changed the locks, so I can’t even take you for a visit.”
Deflating, Evan blinked back tears, “Oh. Erasing me, okay.” His lower lip trembled as he sat up and met Maddie’s heartbroken expression, “You go, have family who loves me; you do it out of duty like a job.”
Maddie sniffled as tears ran down her cheeks, and she clamped her lips together as if she was fighting the urge to respond as Bobby ushered them towards the door.
Evan stopped them before they could exit, “Stop selling on a condo; you have no rights.”
“Of course, she does, Buck; she’s responsible for your money, and someone needs to pay for all this.” Chimney defended as he waved a hand to encompass the room.
Evan gazed at them oddly before smiling, with an unfamiliar edge, “No, cause Eddie’s everything.”
The couple tensed and froze as they exchanged startled glances before Maddie spoke, “What does?” Maddie started, then stopped, voice sharpening into a demand, “Evan, what does that mean?”
Tapping his fingers against Eddie’s hand, Evan closed his eyes and felt Eddie sigh, “It means you were never Evan’s power of attorney and literally had no rights to any of Evan’s records or financial records. I am.”
Mouth dropping open, Maddie inhaled sharply, “What? Why? When?”
Snorting, Eddie leaned back against the bed, running a hand up and down Evan’s arm. “Since June; as for why? Isn’t that self-evident? Evan doesn’t trust you, Maddie, between your refusal to actually listen to your brother or talk about Daniel and then you compound that effort by disposing of his belongings… you’re just doing what Phillip and Margaret taught you, erasing his existence.”
As if that was an unspoken single, Athena opened the door; Greg, the security guard beside her, raised her brow in an unspoken question, to which Bobby answered, “They’re leaving, and for now, neither are allowed back in unless escorted by one of us three.”
Nodding, Greg gestures to the hall, “Ma’am, sir, if you would leave peacefully, it’ll save on the paperwork the Buckleys have already forced me to fill out.”
“What?” Maddie whispered, and Athena smiled shark-like.
“Your parents have been escorted and barred from the premises permanently, and that will not change or be lifted.” Athena stepped aside and nodded to the hall, “it’s time to decide who you’re standing with and supporting, your parents or the brother you claim to love.”
Another security guard rounded the corner, preventing further conversation or comments as Maddie and Chimney followed wordlessly. Chimney slipped an arm around Maddie’s shoulders as he took Jee in his other arm and escorted her from the hall, jaw ticking in anger, even though a small flash of guilt crossed his face before turning away.
* * *
The chaste kiss Evan had given him before leaving the hospital the night felt like one of the hardest things Eddie had done recently. Eddie had wanted to stay and stare at him in as non-creepy way as possible. Eddie was ecstatic that Evan was awake and still pretty much himself, minus the memory thing. But even that was odd, select memories still seemingly slipping through the cracks – Eddie had thought he would choke at the mention of Daniel or Evan’s bizarre habit of placing a word that, while meant the same, wasn’t necessarily the same correct word. Though he wasn’t sure if he was still chuckling over peach being substituted for a bruise or having listened to Evan shorten his parents’ names, almost as if he remembered his parents loathed nicknames.
It was almost a relief to fall asleep and have his mind turned off, his dreams surprisingly calm. When he woke up the following day, he was surprised by the time and jerked out of bed, almost tripping over the pile of clothing. He rushed through his cleanup, dashed kisses on Abuela and Chris’s heads, and then hugged Pepa on his way out the door as she came in, arms laden with bags. He also managed to wave to the Wilsons as they pulled to a stop at the curb in front of his house, but he only caught that in the rearview mirror, so he had no time to ask questions.
Making it to the hospital in record time, he pulled into a different free parking spot and bit back a curse as his mother’s ringtone filled the truck.
Sighing, he picked it off the holder and answered voice clipped. “Thought I said I’d call you, can’t even give someone 24 hours before you need to dig.”
Helena gasped on the other end, “That’s no way to speak to your mother, Edmundo.”
“It’s Eddie, as I’ve told you time and time before,” Eddie responded evening as he slouched in his seat. Then he wondered briefly why the Wilsons were at his house before he remembered the tree on top of their car, bit back a groan and returned his attention to his mother. “Besides a disagreement on my name, what do you want?” He might not be able to see her, but he could envision the teeth grinding she was wont to do and shook his head as the silence deepened. “You might have time to sit silently, but I don’t. I have things to do; I’ll call you on Monday or Tuesday.”
“But what about Christmas?” His mother protested instantly. “Your father and I came all this way to see you and Christopher.”
Eddie smiled and shook his head, “While that might be marginally true, you also came with an agenda. You can’t stand knowing that Chris doesn’t want to talk to you and prefers other people to your type of comfort, which is minuscule at best. As for Christmas, the only way I might have you over for supper at 5 would be to understand completely that I will not tolerate bullying or snide comments you tend to make.”
“I don’t do that.” Helena prostrated heatedly.
“Yeah, Mom, you do. You berated my son for caring about a man he views as his father and brushed off his concerns like they didn’t matter.” Eddie sighed warily and ran a hand down his face as he listened to her sputter on the other end. “Look, Evan Buckley is our family, and he will be here at my house for the foreseeable future, preferably never leaving. I meant what I said; I am marrying that man. And there is nothing you can do to change my mind. If you interfere, I’ll cut you out of my life, and at this stage, I’ll be happier for it.” When there was only a stunned silence, Eddie snorted, “So you think about that, and then text if you still want to come for Christmas dinner at 5, not one second before. Understand?”
The click of the phone in his ear was the answer, and he couldn’t say it surprised him, but the extra sting of tears did.
Shoving those emotions aside, Eddie exited the truck and made a detour at the coffee shop, picking up two hot chocolates and a box of muffins he knew Evan liked before making his way up to Evan’s room.
The room was busy, with both Natasha and David and another person who had a look of such astonishment on their face. Eddie wasn’t sure if he should be alarmed or not.
Knocking briefly, Eddie pushed into the room. Evan was sitting up, swinging his legs sans cast, his face lit up at Eddie’s entrance. Standing under his own power, carefully holding onto the railing until he found his balance. Momentarily thrown, Eddie stumbled to a stop before dropping the tray and box on the roller table and galloped onto Evan with a huge grin.
Evan released a shaky laugh as he hugged Eddie back, “This is Eds; Eds, this is Shawn. He speech persons, he helping David and Natasha understand peached brain.” He pulled back and grinned, “Shawn Pikachu’d by mystery.”
Giving a watery laugh, Eddie swallowed as he released Evan, “Well, your brain has always fascinated me, so I can understand that. What did you do to surprise him?”
“Ah….” Evan frowned a little, weaving on his feet before Eddie caught him and helped him sit. “Sorry, spots dancing. Getting a walking tool later, said necessary until that stops; as for Shawn, speak tongues.”
Eddie blinked in confusion and darted a look between David and Shawn before understanding dawned, “You mean languages?”
“Yeah, that. English is hard.” Evan agreed with a nod, “Understand and talk comfy in Spanish, Swedish, French, and Italian.”
Eddie felt his brows raise, and he stared in shock.
Evan laughed, “Face same as Shawn’s; how you not know?”
“I don’t-” Eddie sighed and ran a hand through his hair, “it never came up.” He offered helplessly, “Though, in hindsight, you could always tell after I’d get off the phone with my parents that even if the call had been bad, you’d never push.” He glanced around in embarrassment, “We can talk about that later; let them complete their assessment cause I believe we have a meeting with the Recreational Therapist in two hours.”
Evan sighed but nodded, “we talk later?” He questioned seriously, and Eddie nodded, picking up the tray of hot chocolate and handing the one to Evan over.
Humming happily, Evan carefully opened the tab and nodded at Shawn. “I ready.”
As Eddie sank into the chair pushed out of the way, he was just happy to listen and watch, knowing David would provide a rundown after reviewing the data. He was hopeful, though it would depend on the occupational therapist when Evan would be released.
* * *
By supper time, not only had they consulted with the occupational therapist, but Evan also had a consult with the physical therapist and a speech therapist. They finally got to sit down with David and Bobby, who’d appeared in the afternoon.
Evan was true to form, even without his memories; the first question he asked with an eagerness that surprised no one was when he could leave.
David chuckled and admitted, “Your scans are clean, all monitoring has been normal, and Shawn was quite detailed in his notes about your understanding of the issues. The other therapists gave you homework assignments and made appointments for next week. Along with the scans I have scheduled but other than that, I’m pleased with your recovery after being in a coma for over a month. I feel cautiously optimistic about letting you leave in the morning after breakfast, with the understanding that you’re not left unsupervised and promise to use the walker. If only to prevent you from getting the dizzy spells and braining yourself again.”
The answer was shocking as much as it was what everyone wanted, so the three men stared at one another in shock as David continued, “The only thing I would suggest is a slow reintegration period with friends. Small groups to start, avoid alcohol, caffeine and recreational drugs, and take it nice and easy. I know the recreational therapist, Julie, suggested hobbies and possibly educational classes but not until the new year. Fair?”
Nodding vigorously, Evan bounced on the bed, “So very fair, need to go shopping.”
All three men blinked in surprise, and David paused to question the statement, “Why shopping?”
“Duh, it’s Christmas. I need to buy gifts for Mama, Dad, Eds, Chris, Abuela and Pepa, May and Harry…” he dropped his gaze and pulled out a piece of paper from his sweats, “Ah… Karen and Hen, who have Denny, Carla, not sure should buy for Maddie and Chimney but Jee, yes.”
Eddie moved to grab Evan’s hand, “Evan, I’m thrilled that you want to do that; but you don’t need to. We’re all just happy you’ll be here for Christmas.”
Evan flailed, leaning precariously to the side, but righted himself with a frown and protested with a thoughtful voice. “But Eds, Christmas spirit, no grinches allowed.”
“I’m not the Grinch or Scrooge, Buck,” Eddie replied automatically with an eye-roll missing the little flinch Evan did.
“Hey, he didn’t mean it like that, Evan. It’s just-” Bobby broke in gently, “it’s automatic; you two were forever teasing each other at Christmas.”
Startled, Eddie turned to face Evan, who’d ducked his head, and for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out what he’d done. It was David who mouthed “Buck” at him, and Eddie would have punched himself. “Ev, Bobby’s right. I didn’t mean to make you upset or uncomfortable; it’s-” Eddie ran a hand through his hair and down his face, “my mom made a huge deal of Christmas growing up, matching sweaters, perfect pictures the whole nine yards. Still, I don’t like that. I like watching my son’s face light up in delight. The giving is more important to me than the receiving…” Eddie trailed off at the look of intense concentration that filled Evan’s face, “what?”
Evan tilted his head and squinted before a generous smile filled his face, “You’re scared of Santa.”
“I’m not scared of-” Eddie cut off the rest of the sentence, eyes widening, “that- you remember that?”
“Ah… no?” Evan protested and shook his head before frowning in confusion, “Just feeling. Like conversation has been had before.”
In disbelief, Eddie swallowed hard, “Yeah, my first Christmas here. We took Chris to visit the mall Santa, and he spilled the story. I wasn’t feeling well two years in a row, and the mall Santa stank and made me get sick all over them.”
Evan blinked and then broke into soft snickers, though he tried to apologize. “Sorry, not funny. Just don’t understand why most memory or feeling not me.”
“I don’t know.” Eddie admitted, then froze, “Wait, what? What were your other memories or feelings? Did you tell anyone?”
“Didn’t know, was told that.” Evan frowned and shook his head.
Eddie caught his hand again, “It’s all right if you weren’t told or asked. That’s not your fault. What other memories or feelings have you had?”
“Um… not many; feel safe with you, mama and Dad; Chimney uncomfortable.” He raised a hand and touched his eyes, “stings.” Before lowering his arm, he caught sight of the bandage, “this scared me; blood made me sick, but all felt was fear and like lost something precious.” He sighed and lowered his arm, dropping his gaze to play with a string on his pants, “all dots, no strings. Hurts sometimes.”
Lost Eddie had to look at David, their brain expert, who looked slightly ashamed, like it wasn’t something he’d thought of asking.
He proved by shifting forward in his chair, wincing in discomfort as he said, “I really have no defence other than my fascination with what you have remembered from a medical standpoint and not a personal one, and I apologize.”
Evan waved him and the apology off, “Not completely at fault, could have said, just-” he shrugged and then pointed to his own head, “peached, remember?”
Helplessly they all chuckled, but David still continued, “which is fair, so if any more of these memories or feelings pop up, make a note of them, but if it starts to hurt, don’t force it; you could trigger a migraine, and that is the last thing you want.” He held up a hand, “which is a side effect we’ll go over in a minute.”
Hesitantly Evan nodded, “had migraine before; they suck.” He froze, then brightened before his face fell. “oh, memory me, and it sucks. So sick hugged piss pot for hours. Darkroom, cold compress.”
Snorting a laugh, Eddie could only shake his head, “Only you could find a substitute for the toilet. Only you….”
The four of them started laughing again because it was true.
Chapter Twelve
The logistics of being released on Christmas Eve morning ended up not being the nightmare Eddie thought it would be, even with the additional step of being discharged directly from the ICU. The process only took an extra twenty minutes because someone misplaced the prescriptions Evan was still on, including one for potential migraines.
After that, though, it took remarkably little time, a pointed reminder about keeping the appointments next week and the wish not to see either of them again.
Wheeling Evan out to the truck was familiar in the way that the younger man complained about being able to walk under his own power, or at least with the walker, and it just made Eddie smile, purse his lips and continue to wheel him out the front doors. The nurse escorting them pushed the walker with the thing piled with the items he’d acquired. Once at the truck, he got Evan situated quickly, crawled inside, and lifted a brow, “Did you make your list of presents you wanted to pick up?”
Evan flushed and bit his lip but nodded, “Little list, but realized I don’t have a wallet.”
Eddie didn’t think of it either and wasn’t even sure if the bank had frozen the account because of Maddie’s interference. Mentally adding that to the list of things to fix next week, he glanced at a bright-eyed Evan, “I wish I could say I had the forethought to bring your wallet so we could head to the bank, but I have a feeling it won’t be that simple. So I’ll pay for everything today, and if you feel the need, you can pay me back next week after we visit the bank.”
Evan frowned and nodded slowly, “not going to hurt?”
“No, it won’t hurt; all my bills are covered, so wanna go shopping?” Eddie assured and then questioned.
Nodding excitedly, Evan pulled on his seatbelt and buckled up, pulling out his handwritten list, his phone still too much for his eyes.
Three hours later, an exhausted Eddie collapsed onto a chair, with a resigned and slightly sullen Evan across from him, who was fiddling with his hat self-consciously. “It was a good deal, Eds!”
“Evan, I love the enthusiasm, but Chris does not need the entire collection of Star Wars legos; he already had four of the 7 on offer,” Eddie stated once again, taking a drink of the much-needed coffee. “We got him the PS5 and three games he wanted, plus a bunch of other little things on his list; he’s honestly going to be fine.”
Evan pouted as he took a drink of his tea and made a face before pushing it away. “Don’t like this.”
Confused, Eddie made a face and glanced at the drink, “it’s what you always get.”
Snorting, Evan shrugged, “Peach brain says horrible, coffee?”
“Not until after your appointment next week,” Eddie responded automatically before relenting at the puppy eyes Evan employed and pushed his coffee over, laughing a little at the look of betrayal Evan flashed at him as he finished off the mouthful. “You’re almost done?”
Humming happily, Evan set the empty cup down and nodded, “Wrapping station.”
“Wrapping station?” Eddie asked in confusion, “You don’t want to wrap them yourself?”
“Do, but don’t think can.” Evan waved his hands, “still shaky and getting sleepy.”
“Okay, wrapping station.” Eddie agreed and stood, waiting for Evan to stand and center himself in the walker. Then walking beside him with the bags that didn’t fit, Eddie directed them towards the station, silently grateful that Evan was admitting he was tired.
It was fascinating watching the expert gift wrappers in action, and in no time, the gifts were wrapped and Tetris on the walker, Evan rapidly slowing down as his energy dwindled. They got everything into the truck, and Eddie made sure Evan was buckled before sliding into the driver’s seat, brushing a hand through the short hairs that had slowly started to grow back. “You can sleep, cariño. I’ll drop the presents off, and then we can go home so you can nap, alright?”
Sleepily Evan blinked, “No hos- hos- no talking?”
“No baby, you don’t have to talk to anyone; sleep, alright?”
“Tay. Love you.” Evan replied, eyes already sliding shut as he leaned against the window.
“Love you too,” Eddie responded as he leaned over and locked the door just in case.
It was pretty simple to drop off the gifts, grudgingly stopping in at Maddie’s new house, the unfamiliar brand new Mercedes Coupe, behind the other vehicle making him roll his eyes as he parked deliberately on the street. He knew exactly who was driving that.
A second later, the front door opened, and Maddie appeared with a broad smile of welcome on her face before it fell when she saw Evan wasn’t the one getting out and didn’t even seem to register that she was there. Eddie sighed, closed the driver’s door, opened the back door, picked up the pile of presents, and then shut the door with his hip. Locking the doors with his keys as he walked around and stood in front of the passenger side door as Maddie made her way to it.
“He’s sleeping,” Eddie informed her and tried handing over the presents, but she folded her arms.
“Well, we’ll just have to wake him; I certainly can’t carry him inside, and Howie’s at work,” Maddie exclaimed.
Eddie rolled his eyes and sighed heavily, “he’s not staying, Maddie, he already told you that, and I’m not in the habit of going back on my word. Evan is coming home with me but wanted to drop off the presents he bought this morning.”
“He’s my brother; you have got to stop interfering!” Maddie hissed angrily.
“And he’s my fiancé, so I guess we’re at an impasse.” Eddie snapped, stretching the truth. He hadn’t proposed at all but intended to. It didn’t matter what the state of Evan’s memories were.
Maddie reared back in shock and darted a hesitant look toward the door before lowering her voice, “You can’t just say shit like that; it’s not right. Evan is clearly confused, and it’s wrong of him to lead you on like this.”
Eddie clenched his jaw, “is this concern for you, your brother or myself? Cause I really don’t give a fuck if your parents are homophobic.”
“They’re not.” Maddie denied hotly, “They’re concerned about their son, who is clearly damaged and needs professional assistance, which you’re not providing by letting him live with a fantasy where you pretend to love him.” She angrily waved her arms and demanded, “What happens if his memories return, and he realizes you’ve played this stupid game with him? Or worse, what happens when they never come back, and you’ve alienated everyone to play this delusion Evan’s cooked up in his head that you resent him for?”
“You don’t know the first thing about me or my feelings for your brother – the feelings I’ve always had. I’ve loved Evan for years, and I’ll love him till I die. There is no one I trust more than Evan, he might have amnesia, but he knows who I am even beyond the memory loss. He re-met our son and instinctively knew who Chris was, so don’t stand there and tell me I’m playing some fucked up game or fantasy.” He shoved the presents at her and walked away, leaving her stunned, but paused by the driver’s door, “your brother might have some speech, mobility and memory issues right now, but I dare you to say it’ll never come back when you open your gift.“
Without waiting for a response, he physically unlocked the door with his keys and climbed inside, pulling out before she could react.
Evan woke before they pulled into Eddie’s driveway, perking up and looking around with interest. Eddie watched him curiously to see if there were little flashes of recognition, but his excitement was the only thing that appeared. “Home?”
“Yeah, home.” Eddie agreed warmly and nodded towards the door as it opened, the people that mattered the most spilling onto the lawn.
Chris, Bobby and Athena were quickly followed by May, Harry, Denny, Karen and Hen, and Pepa and Abuela. Everyone had broad smiles as they crowded around the passenger door, letting Bobby open it and assist Evan out, the tears in his eyes not surprising.
As Evan was transferred from one set of arms to another, Eddie exited the truck, leaning against the hood, and watched, heart full and happy. Hen approached and gave him an assessing look as she took up position beside him, “noticed Maddie and Chim aren’t here.”
Shrugging, Eddie folded his arms and watched Chris perform the introductions to May, Harry and Denny, “Considering I didn’t even know you’d be here, I can’t say I’m much surprised.”
Humming, Hen tilted her head, “If you had known, Maddie still wouldn’t have been invited, would she?”
Shaking his head, Eddie scratched at his cheek, “I dropped off the presents he insisted on buying, she-” he swallowed and lowered his head, “there’s something wrong there, again. She’s so fixated on his lack of memories that she doesn’t care what she says. She basically accused me of taking advantage of him, and I don’t get it.”
Not knowing how to address that, Hen thankfully didn’t try, only raised a brow hen nodded, “We aren’t staying long; David already sent a reminder text to Bobby informing him to keep it low-key for a week or so; last I heard they were planning a big ta do for New Years.”
“That’s fine; hopefully, we’re just going to have a quiet weekend.” Pushing off the truck, Eddie moved to the back door as Bobby, Athena and Karen joined them, the rest trooping into the house, “Let’s toss the presents in your vehicles.”
Athena frowned but opened the door, “you guys didn’t have to get us anything.”
Snorting, Eddie nodded towards the house, “Try telling him that; also, sorry in advance, I’m not sure what you’ll think of the things he picked out, but he insisted and damn near cried when I tried to argue.”
“You’ll just have to get tougher; you can’t give in all the time,” Athena replied, lifting out the bundle of presents with an eye roll.
Snorting, Bobby took them from her, “Just like you did with the jello?”
Shuddering at the memory, Athena sighed, “It was extenuating circumstances.”
“Sure it was, Athena.” Karen laughed and accepted the bundle passed to her, “Just admit you can’t say no to Buck- Evan’s big blue eyes either.”
They all laughed as Athena walked away with a sniff but no verbal response.
There was another round of hugs a short time later, and then finally, it was just the Diazs and Evan alone in the house. Chris had taken Evan on a tour of the place, eyeing his father curiously as Eddie carried Evan’s bags toward his room.
Thankfully the boy didn’t say anything and just continued the tour, finishing it off in his room and explaining all the photos he had on the wall with the three of them before moving on to the legos on the shelves.
Eddie meandered back towards the living room and stopped in shock, the tree was fully decorated with piles of presents underneath, and a fire was burning merrily in the fireplace.
Pulling out his phone, he shot off a quick text, thanking them before setting it down, ignoring the buzzing, and made his way to the kitchen where Abuela and Pepa had retreated, already deep in the process of creating tamales. Buzzing a kiss to each woman’s cheek, Eddie pulled out a glass and filled it with water, and drained it. “Did my parents try to get a hold of you?”
Humming, Abuela nodded, “Your mother, but she didn’t like what I had to say, so she hung up. Your father called back later and apologized, but I told him it was worthless. I wasn’t accepting a false apology from someone to keep them happy. I told him it was time to decide what he wants, his wife or family.”
Stunned, Eddie sank onto a chair, “I wasn’t expecting that.”
“I know, , but upon reflection, I admit to saying, I am ashamed of Helena’s behaviour; there had been red flags before, but nothing overt that I could place. While I visited them, it was good, but I also realized it was a mirage. Helena has always been good at masking her emotions to fit the narrative until it counters her beliefs and wants.” She waved a hand, “This situation with Evan proves that, so I invited them to dinner like you had texted tomorrow at five, and we will see which way they want to fall.”
Chris wandered into the kitchen with a little wrinkle on his face before galloping onto his dad and burying his head into Eddie’s shoulder.
“Where’s Evan?” Eddie asked softly.
“Sleeping. Buck said he was tired, so I took him to your room.” Chris replied, lifting his head, “Is it weird to you?”
“Is what, weird?” Eddie asked calmly.
“Buck? Like he’s himself, but not.” Chris frowned, “he laughs and jokes like normal, even with the aphasia, but…” he trailed off, face twisting, “I said something about winning a prize, and he got really sad and apologized. But didn’t say why.”
Eddie sighed. He’d experienced the same thing off and on over the last week and a bit that Evan had been awake, and he knew it would probably get worse before it got better. “Yeah, I’ve noticed, and I’m sorry for not warning you better. Unfortunately, there isn’t much we can do about it because I think it’s his brain’s way of telling him information about himself. Kind of like a flash of, ‘Oh, that’s familiar, but it scared me,’ so his brain kind of shuts down and refuses to process the rest of it.”
Chris leaned against his father silently. He thought that over, his face falling suddenly, “so when his memories do come back, he’s gonna remember all the bad stuff, like the tsunami?”
Silently wishing that there was a handbook on how to deal with this, Eddie blinked, “I think-” he cut himself off before taking a breath, “I think Evan’s brain is already working on forcing him to remember, and yes, it’ll include the bad stuff, along with the good stuff, the only thing we can do is support him as he works through it.”
“’cause he’s family, and we love him. Right, Daddy?”
“Right, we’re gonna love him forever and ever,” Eddie replied hoarsely and hugged his son.
At the table, Abuela crossed herself and whispered, “Amen.”
* * *
After he got Chris set up at the coffee table with the gingerbread house and hot chocolate, being careful not to spill this one. Eddie watched him silently, noting that The boy was subdued but still cheerful as he put on Christmas music, the sweet sound of carols filling the house.
Glancing at the time on his phone, he noticed his parents had texted in amongst all the other messages and picked up his phone, silently reading the text message.
“I wish I knew what to say without sounding offensive, as I thought we had agreed to work on our relationship, but this issue with your mother is uncomfortable. I do not understand your resistance regarding well-meaning advice and our support, but we seem to be in the wrong here as my mother has put her foot down. If it is still acceptable to you, we wish to be there for supper tomorrow night, and hopefully, we can find common ground that is workable for all of us.”
Trying not to grind his teeth, Eddie glanced at Chris, absorbed in his castle building, before passing down the hall.
Pushing open the door to his room, his heart jumped as he took in the sprawled view of a half-naked Evan Buckley taking up his whole bed. Not that he was actually shirtless, but the sweater he’d been wearing was rucked up his arms, giving an unrestricted view of his chest. The month-long coma meant Evan had lost some of his bulk, but he was still fit and lean; the power in his physique was enough to make Eddie drool.
Pushing the door mostly closed behind him and drawn by some unknown force, Eddie walked toward the bed, gazing down at Evan, who was wrapped around Eddie’s pillow. His face was lax though his eyes were moving as if dreaming. Eddie hoped to God they were pleasant ones; they’d had enough living nightmares for now.
Sinking onto the edge of the bed, he ran a hand through Evan’s hair once before picking up his phone, a frown on his face as he typed out a reply.
“If you offered advice that worked, I might be willing to entertain the idea that we have some sort of ‘common ground’ to reach, yet neither of you has ever offered advice that works for me. My son is thriving here in LA. I am thriving. That may drive Mom nuts because I’ve obviously not failed at my number one job of parenting, nor have I called in a panic needing her to fix something. Which side note – I’ve never done. Even as a kid, though, you both put unfair expectations on me and then got mad when I surpassed those, as if they were a test you expected and wanted me to fail. So I will reiterate for your benefit because I know mom gate-keeps information from everyone and then gaslights the person involved by claiming that’s not how it happened. Evan Buckley is an important part of my and Christopher’s life; he is here to stay for the foreseeable future and hopefully never wants to leave. I plan on marrying him, as I have loved him for years and made him guardian of Chris in case of my death or incapacitation. Neither you nor Mom will ever have access to Christopher; I have an ironclad will. I know Evan will go over the wall to enforce, and if you attempted to fight it, Christopher would never forgive you. Evan is Christopher’s other father, and I dare you are your own peril to argue that with him; neither of us are scared little boys willing to do anything to not get in trouble with you.” Eddie thought briefly before adding, “The only common ground we have is agreeing that I am a full adult and don’t need your or mom’s approval to live my life and can without your interference. Also, at the risk of repeating myself but any ableist, homophobic, or bigotry will not be tolerated; this is your one and only warning. If you can live with that, then supper is at 5.”
“Parents?” Evan’s sleepy voice snapped Eddie’s head up, and he set the phone down before registering the question. “How do you know that?”
The cautious optimism he felt deflated when Evan shrugged his shoulders, “Thinky face feels familiar.”
Since Eddie couldn’t really deny the face he was probably making, he sighed, admitting softly, “Yeah, my parents, they’re being difficult.”
“Me here?” Evan questioned sadly.
Leaning over the man, Eddie let Evan roll onto his back, wincing a little as he did so, before responding, “I don’t care if my parents have an opinion on your presence here. They have no direct control or say in my life, of which you are a permanent part, even beyond the memory issues today.”
A slow blush formed on Evan’s cheeks, “that romantic; we did this before?”
“I wish.” Eddie muttered, before clarifying, “I meant what I said the first few days you were awake. I have loved you forever, and I think I know now that you’ve loved me too. I don’t know why neither of us said anything, though I think your relationship with your parents may have contributed to that.”
Evan’s nose wrinkled, but he didn’t disagree; he just raised a hand to curl around Eddie’s neck and pulled him down before stopping the momentum, “fair to kiss?”
Eddie licked his lips, “you mean without your memories?”
Nodding, Evan held his gaze, eyes lighting up with amusement. “Maybe, it breaks curse?”
A long-suffering sigh escaped Eddie’s lips before he could stop it, and he huffed out a laugh when Evan giggled, “You’re not cursed.”
“Still a good idea, just in case?” Evan pleaded with a bit of pout, though his eyes grew sad when Eddie hesitated, “Unless peach brain scare you?”
Leaning down until the bunted noses, Eddie brushed his along Evan’s, “It doesn’t scare me, per se; I’m more worried that you’ll regret it when you get your memories back. Your sister implied I was taking advantage of you already.”
“Eddie, I know the brain is stupid, but I-” he swallowed, “I know you here.” He placed a hand over his heart, “You, my calm in the storm of thoughts, my safe place. Always have been.” He took a deep breath, “as for Maddie, it feels like the relationship has always been lopsided. Like has a need to fix me like I broke.”
“You’re not broken.” Eddie bit out with a growl, making Evan smile.
“I know, you tell over and over.” Evan responded softly, “I love you, have to. I don’t know if scared before or what. Wish could see mind back then. Feel like stubborn persons who don’t listen, but listening to you.”
Snorting a little at that, Eddie reached up and cupped Evan’s jaw tilting his head slowly before leaning down and brushing their lips together.
If Eddie had believed in curses, jinxes or hexes of any kind, their first official kiss should have qualified to break whatever spell they were under; it was soft and simple and so heartbreakingly warm that he could feel it all the way to his toes.
His intention to keep it that way flew out the window when Evan tightened his hold and arched up into him, with a wanton moan leaving his throat as he opened his mouth, sliding his tongue to meet Eddie’s. It was like adding accelerant to a slightly burning fire, and it dragged Eddie under. Losing himself to the pleasure, it was only when he started grinding his hard-on against the firm thigh underneath him that he pulled back with a regretful sigh. Keeping his eyes closed, he dropped his head on Evan’s chest and pressed a kiss to the exposed skin, lifting his head when Evan shivered.
Evan’s eyes were wide and dark with arousal, his breath coming out in short little pants, though his voice was soft with a hint of wonder when he spoke, “First kiss?”
“Yeah, our first kiss, cariño,” Eddie whispered back, waiting for the rest of the question he could see growing in Evan’s eyes.
“Always like that?” The wonder still did not leave his eyes, though there was a flicker of confusion.
“I don’t know. I’ve had two serious relationships since I reached adulthood, both with women; I’ve had a few hookups that left me unsatisfied. It took me a long time to find an appropriate term for what I identify as and then even longer to admit it out loud.” Eddie brushed a hand along Evan’s forward head, smoothing out the frown on the younger man’s face, “I’ve watched you through the years; you’ve flirted with men and women alike and had a few hookups that I know of. You’ve had two serious girlfriends since I’ve known you, both undeserving you.” He supplied bitterly, a hint of jealousy creeping into his tone and flushed as Evan raised a brow. “You never seemed happy with either one but accepted the relationship and the restrictions they put on you because you believed it was a path to happiness. But honestly, the happiest I’ve ever seen you is either in the middle of a Lego pile with our son or passed out on the couch cuddling a pillow.”
Sniffling suddenly, Evan frowned at him, “Stop romantic stuff. Make me cry.”
Smirking, Eddie leaned down and brushed through lips together, nibbling at Evan’s lower lip before whispering, “Makes you cry happy or sad?”
“So happy, don’t think been happier.” Evan threw his head back as Eddie trailed wet, open-mouthed kisses down his neck and whimpered.
Lifting his head at the almost too-loud sound, Eddie licked his lips, lifting his body off Evan’s and laying beside him. “As much as I would love to continue this cariño, we still have a house full of family.”
Sighing heavily, Evan rolled over, pinning Eddie to the bed, gazing down at him with mischief burning behind his blue eyes as he leaned down, licking his way into Eddie’s mouth.
With a groan, Eddie slid his hand up, clenching at Evan’s neck and letting the other man deepen the kiss. It could have been minutes or hours, Eddie couldn’t say, but the thump from the bathroom finally broke them both breathing hard.
Flopping down beside Eddie, Evan drew in a calming breath before blowing out a breath, “Know it’s never been like that, ever. But no time to explore, need shower and food.”
After a shower and a wonderful dinner of tacos and fajitas, Chris and Eddie tidied up the kitchen, offering glares as Evan tried to help. Pepa and Abuela chuckled from the loveseat in the living room as they enjoyed a glass of wine. Finally admitting defeat, Evan moved towards the living room, sinking on the couch. He’d only meant to close his eyes for a minute, but Chris clambering up beside him made him blink his eyes open.
The boy was dressed in pyjamas holding a stuffed hippopotamus, Eddie bringing up the rear wearing matching pyjamas, but in blue instead of red and was carrying a tray of steaming mugs. It was only as Evan shifted to sit up that he realized he was also in matching clothing but in green, and he felt a blush flood his cheeks.
Eddie gave him a fond look while Abuela and Pepa snickered; Chris thought he seemed oblivious as he picked up the controller, started the PS4, and pulled up Disney+.
“What we doing?” Evan asked around a yawn.
“Watching our favourite Christmas movies,” Chris responded brightly, tongue poking out as his brow furrowed, scrolling through the selections. “Dad prefers Charlie Brown’s Christmas, and I like Mickey Mouse’s.” He paused and flicked him a glance, “Do you want to try and remember yours?”
“Frog.” Evan felt embarrassed when he responded without thinking, but Chris grinned and nodded vigorously.
“You love the muppets; we’ll start with that.” Chris decided and clicked on the movie. “Blanket, Daddy!”
Sighing good, naturally, Eddie plucked the two blankets off the back of the couch and handed one to Evan, who stared at the blanket blankly, then watched as Eddie helped spread the second over Chris’s lap before giving him the hot chocolate. Not completely understanding the significance, Evan gamely tried to copy Chris, flashing Eddie a grateful look when the other man helped fix the blanket before he moved to turn off the overhead light.
The combined lights from the Christmas Tree, fireplace and tv, plus the small lamp beside Pepa, who was knitting, provided an intimate setting of warmth, love and acceptance. It felt like everything Evan had ever wanted. He settled back against the cushions with a content sigh, relaxing completely when Chris snuggled in against his side as the opening sync of the movie started and Gonzo’s voice filled the air.
Chris choked out halfway through Charlie Brown’s Christmas. Eddie didn’t move him until the credits rolled, carefully leveraging him from his slumped position and moving silently down the hall, re-emerging shortly after, the soft light of a night light spilling out of the half-opened door bedroom. Pepa had gathered the dishes used and escaped to the kitchen, while Abuela moved toward the guest bedroom, coming back with a bag of presents which she set down on the couch before repeating the process. The activity made Evan swallow, wanting to help but knowing he didn’t have the coordination or stability to offer assistance. Eddie slipped out of the house while Evan gamely tried to fold the blankets, only stopping when Eddie came back in with part of the pile from the truck.
“I help?”
Eddie shook his head, “It’s good; you wanna get ready for bed. You can, though. Won’t take me long to get this done, and I’ll be in shortly.”
Feeling a slow blush spread across his cheeks at the implication, Evan ducked his head but nodded, grabbing his walker and slowly made his way down the hall to the bedroom, detouring into the bathroom to use the toilet and brush his teeth. Once he washed his face and dried it, he walked back into the bedroom and took in the room, noticing small things he hadn’t before, the first being a picture on the side of the bed closest to the door. They were both decked out in Mardi Gras beads, with Eddie’s nose scrunched up and cross-eyed while he was trying to check for damage. There was another picture of him and Eddie with Chris between them harnessed to a white frame, both wind-swept with huge smiles on their faces. Another evidently from a previous Christmas, with him posing with thumbs up, Eddie on his left and Abuela and Chris standing in front.
Feeling a sting of tears at the missing memories, he sat down and picked up the picture frame hidden in the back; it showed him sitting with an arm around Eddie’s shoulder and a huge grin. It must have been a couple of years old because he wasn’t as bulked up, even with the coma taken into consideration. Setting it down carefully, he blinked rapidly and looked around the room, noticing a chair in the corner with a familiar book bag. Huffing out a breath, he got himself situated in the walker again and moved to pick up the bag, the familiarity of the worn straps tugging at his mind. Hefting it, he placed it on the bed, sat beside it, and carefully opened the zipper, the random objects inside making his frown before he pulled out the first thing, a vast Conch shell, the pearly pink hues contrasting with the purple and blue outside. The flash of waves crashing was loud in his mind, but that was it. Not getting anything from that, he set it down and pulled out the next thing, a slick black bound leather book, the smoothed worn edges showing it had been used repeatedly; curious, he opened the cover and blinked. The handwriting was something he ‘knew,’ but it still made him hesitate briefly before reading the first paragraph.
“I started therapy two months ago, and it’s harder than I thought. Dr.Copeland assures me that it’s a normal reaction, even though we haven’t got far. She also suggested using this book to journal my thoughts and feelings, something like a visual reminder of everything I’ve gone through and that I want to do better.
People have always taken one look at me and lumped me into a category that fits the narrative they need, and I’ve slowly learned to play that role so as not to rock the boat. Why would I want to make them question what they perceive when they won’t believe me anyway?
For example, Chimney is still living here even after Hen and Eddie moved back home, and he’s determined to believe that I have an online ‘thing’ going on and has told Maddie, who keeps harping and wanting to know everything. Even when I attempt to tell them it’s private, neither seems to care and end up teasing me relentlessly, even when I ask them to stop. This has also caused Chim to start with the Buck 1.0 comments about my sex life again, and I don’t know what to do with that.
I enjoy sex. I always have, even if it gives me a false illusion that someone cares, though I’ve come to determine it’s in just the touch. I crave the closeness that comes with it. However, brief the encounters end up being. I got that with Eddie without realizing it until he moved out, which took some time to adjust.
I loved the comfort of having him sleep next to me at night and waking with either of us wrapped around each other. Waking up wrapped around Eddie hard is playing on my mind. At first, I chalked it up to covid and being confined at home, but I jerk off regularly in the shower, and while I’ve always had a high limbo, this situation feels more. But then it also made me remember my one comment when I was eleven, I think when I mentioned to my mom that I needed valentines Day cards for school so I could make sure to give one to Greg. The backhand, while surprising, hadn’t been unexpected, nor had the screaming rant she went on, though the bloody nose she wouldn’t let me take care of was a shock. I just wasn’t sure what I had been thinking. Whether it had been an overheard conversation between her and Dad about Mr.Jacob’s down the street, I knew she’d never approve of anything hinting at unnatural.
But that reaction stayed with me for years, decades even. Long after, I left home and stopped talking to any of them. I never once stepped out of that narrative Mom had built for me. And I’m not sure if I regret the lack of experience or that I never tried even though I knew she’d never actually care beyond what it did for ‘her’ image.”
Expert Two days later.
“Convincing Chimney to go home is driving me nuts, so I’m really glad we have opposite shifts for this week. Does it suck that I’m currently on B-shift? Not having my partner at my back is shifting my mental gears, but Eddie pulled back abruptly, even before he left and continues to pull away. Which? Is fair, I guess, I’m only a friend, and I know he missed Christopher something fierce; truthfully, I do too, but again I’m just the “friend,” so it’s not about my feelings.
In a way, the break, though, has been nice, not just at the condo but also at the station; being treated like I’m a competent individual who actually knows what they’re doing has encouraged me to look at finally finishing my degree, though I’m not sure how that will work with my schedule or the restrictions still in place. I’m keeping it to myself for now; I need something just ‘mine’ because I feel like so much of myself is wrapped up in what others want or expect.”
Evan stopped reading, not sure what he was thinking or feeling. Ideally, leafing through the pages he knew he had written, Evan still felt a sense of guilt, like he was cheating. He had no memories or recollection of these events, but the urge to know more made him glance down and continue reading the page he stopped on.
“I thought I’d figured it out after Texas, after Daniel, failed therapy with my parents. I decided that I no longer care what they think. I finally found the courage to approach Eddie. I was going to carefully broach the topic and see if he’d be interested in trying a relationship with me, but I guess I was too late, or maybe he never was interested. Perhaps everything I’d built in my head, our interactions and family time, meant more to me than it did to him. I’m disappointed in myself; I thought I knew him, and this whole thing blindsided me; maybe the others are right; I don’t deserve to have anything good. Is it punishment for failing to save Daniel? I don’t know.
In a bid to try and get over Eddie or maybe figure out what I wanted. I went out and had my first full sexual encounter with a male, and wow… I thought I knew sex before, but this? It could have been the hint of forbiddenness to it all, but I don’t think so; it was all so much more. I guess I never knew how much impact or damage my parents’ thoughts and beliefs had inflicted on me; the idea that I’ve been suffering from internalized homophobia based on them boggles my mind. Working with Dr.Copeland has made me realize that I keep myself hidden away, hide my true feelings from people, all because I’m searching for a place to belong.”
Another passage:
“Every time Eddie reschedules a movie night to have a date night with Ana, I’ve fallen into the habit of going out to a bar and picking up anyone, male or female. I don’t know their names, and I don’t care. I still enjoy sex with women, but with men, it’s a high that I’ve started to crave. No one at work has caught on, and Albert is so wrapped up in his own dick that he pays no attention to me, which works. Though I wish he would find his own place, I want my space back. I’m tired of people assuming that I’m fine with how I live, that I have no issues with people crashing on my couch for free and leaving a pigsty behind. I like order and neatness, which I’d never thought I’d say after living in my parent’s pristine home.”
Another passage:
“Chris ran away. Chris! Chris ran away because Eddie’s dating that woman. I guess she’s attractive, but something always felt off with her; the fact that she worked in a school specifically designed for physically restricted children and still came off as ableist is mind-boggling. The fact that Eddie forgot that? Infuriating! The sex must be phenomenal if he’s still with her because I don’t understand. Am I being unfair? Probably, I’ve never met her in the capacity of a ‘girlfriend,’ and I’m kind of thankful for that; just imagining Eddie being sweet with her makes me twist up in jealousy and bitterness. But now, I’ve apparently been committed to meeting her after her introduction in an official capacity to Chris is completed. Joy. I’ll do it for Chris, though. It feels like he’s the only one that cares about me.”
The clicking of the door made Evan close the journal and flush as he raised his head and met Eddie’s eyes, and was surprised to see Eddie looked a little green at the sight of the book. “my words?”
Eddie swallowed and nodded, “From what I can tell, based on the one passage I accidentally read.” He winced upon admitting that but continued quickly, “When I realized what it was – is-, I stopped. In truth, I felt horrible and guilty and tossed it off the balcony of your landing.”
Shrugging because it didn’t really matter at this point, Evan had no memories to feel much of anything for the breech glanced away, “is okay, just words on a page.”
“They’re so much more than that, Evan, that book-” Eddie stopped and drew in a breath, “you said you wished you could see the thought process of yourself, then what better way than your own words? You might not have the memories, but you have words on how you felt in that situation.”
A thoughtful look crossed Evan’s face as he glanced down at the book, “I hook up with men, just-” he sighed, “never said. Kept it secret.” Shutting the book, he took a breath, “it is biased against person. Lots of persons. maybe should try with free memory?” Evan asked with a frown before yawning, “Sorry.”
“I don’t know which would be better, but never be sorry for stating how you feel.” Eddie began earnestly but cut himself off when Evan smiled and explained.
“Not sorry for feeling, sorry for tired. Long day.”
Sighing in agreement, Eddie nodded, “Okay, you need help?”
Shaking his head, Evan slid the book onto the bedside table and peeked into the bag again as the bathroom door shut. More things caught his eye, but another yawn broke free, hard enough for his eyes to water, so he picked up the shell and put it back inside, zipping up the bag. Eddie emerged from the bathroom, wordlessly taking the bag and putting it on the chair, “do you want me to sleep on the couch?”
“No, want to kiss more, but sleepy.” He hesitated briefly before asking, “Can I hold you?”
Eddie flashed him a look before his eyes widened, “that was a full and complete sentence, Evan.”
Startled, Evan paused, shuffling over the bed, “Good, Yoda, talk annoying.” He shifted, pulled the comforter back, and slid underneath, “Hold you?”
Joining him on the bed, Eddie bullied him into place and laid his head down on his chest without a word, though he did press a small kiss to the side of his neck.
“Merry Christmas, Eddie.”
“Merry Christmas, Evan.”
Chapter Thirteen
The start of Christmas Day was delightful, even if it included Christopher barging in at seven on the dot, an agreement he’d apparently had with Eddie for years.
The four Diazs plus Evan sat around the Christmas tree opening presents, the occasional laugh or chuckle a slightly familiar sound but still foreign. Evan had the sinking suspicion growing up in the Buckley home; he’d never experienced a Christmas like this one. The vague flashes and impressions imply stiff suits, picture-perfect food, and boredom.
This, in contrast, was relaxing and heady, the feeling of being included and wanted not dwindling as the day went on. Even having to nap halfway through the day didn’t deter him from feeling acceptance and love.
He woke to soft fingers running through his hair and Eddie leaning over him, gently moving the journal he’d fallen asleep.
“So I have an apology to make.” Eddie began, shifting around until he sat crossed leg on the bed, “My parents have finally decided to respond and confirm they’re coming to supper tonight.”
Blinking sleepily, Evan rolled onto his back and stretched slowly, thankful when nothing twinged. “Going to be mean?”
“Not if they know what’s good for them. I warned them that anything negative, including ableism, bigotry, or homophobia, will not be tolerated.” Eddie responded as he leaned down and nuzzled his neck.
The sudden surge of desire made Evan light-headed as he tilted his head to provide better access. “I have a present for you.”
Eddie paused in his trail of hot kisses to lift his head, “all the presents were given out.”
Evan flushed and shook his head, “not all present. Didn’t have this present till woke up.”
Curious, Eddie raised a brow as he glanced down, making him laugh loudly. “Not that type of present, too many people’s home.”
Pouting, Eddie went to lean down, but Evan caught his cheek and met his gaze, “Have your back….”
“Or, you know, I can have yours.” Edie finished in a whisper, tears appearing in his eyes, “You remember?”
Shaking his head, Evan swallowed hard, “Not everything, still holes, large gaps, and…” he shrugged, “out of order, maybe? More impressions and feeling than actual memory.”
Eddie brushed his thumb along Evan’s cheek, “What do you think you-”
“You. And Chris, Abuela, Pepa, some of dad and mama, and know not parents, but-” Evan shrugged, wrinkling his brow, “don’t like donors.”
“I don’t like them either,” Eddie replied, then flushed when he realized he’d admitted that out loud. “Do you have any specific memories?”
“No strings; not sure why Buck, but that conversation and fire? Big boom?” He questioned with a frown, “Tall building we climb…” he stopped and tilted his head, “Am I a firefighter?”
Eyes bright with tears, Eddie nodded, “Yeah baby, you are; we’re partners at the 118 with Bobby as Captain.”
“Oh.” Evan shifted his head on the pillow, and then a sad smile slowly broke over his face, “Danny wanted to be a firefighter.” He frowned and shook his head, “Or I wanted him to want to be….” That didn’t really make sense either, and he sighed, “I think I dream him. He was a little boy and talked riddles, couldn’t tell me my name, but told me jobs? I was ranch hand?” He asked in confusion.
Hesitantly Eddie nodded, “Montana, I believe you spent almost a year there but never told me why you left, so I assumed it was wanderlust.”
“No, Pitch died, noob took her out, and she broke her leg; so mad.” Evan admitted with a little twist of his lips, “Maybe we can look at horse riding?”
Eddie sat up with a wrinkled brow, “like Chris does?”
Evan wrinkled his brow and shook his head, “Whole. Want trails and terrain. Pitch good horse, climb goat track like it was nothing.”
Eddie flushed slightly, “Chris takes equestrian therapy once a week; it was an activity you recommended, so maybe until you’re officially cleared, we start there?”
Nodding distractedly, Evan glanced at the book and then back at Eddie, “Do I have a laptop?”
“Yes, do you want it?” Eddie asked, already moving, but Evan grabbed his thigh and swallowed hard when he realized how high his hand was when Eddie froze.
“No- just curious; remind me to check email; taking classes, but don’t remember what for.” He offered an embarrassed smile as Eddie’s face fell. “It’s alright, no feel bad, kept to self apparently.”
Groaning, Eddie buried his hands in his hair, “It’s not alright. I feel like I failed you and wasted so much time.” Eddie mumbled against his hands, then lifted his head, eyes shining, “I know I’ve hurt you – from not knowing you spoke more than one language to now finding out you’re taking classes, I feel like I failed to support you completely.”
Evan grabbed Eddie’s hand when the other man went to fist it in his hair again, “Stop please. No guilt. Not-” he blew out a frustrated breath, “deal? We read words together, which may be uncomfortable for both, but maybe also give us insight into mind.” He took a breath, “need the help, Eddie, and trust you.” Evan lifted Eddie’s chin forcing eye contact, “I love you. Trust you with everything, even private words you think important.”
“I love you too.” Eddie replied automatically and slowly relaxed his shoulders, “Okay, I don’t like the thought of reading your private words, so maybe a compromise. I think you should read it first, by yourself. I’ll sit with you if it becomes too much, but I’ll be here, and if there is something that jumps out that has no context you can ask, I’ll see if I can fill in the bank, fair?”
Grumbling, Evan finally nodded, “Fair, I guess. Question though?”
“Sure, what’s that?” Eddie asked softly.
“Two questions, actually.” At Eddie’s chuckle and nod, Evan licked his lips, “For now, keep holes to ourselves? Maybe only share with David, don’t like making persons sad.”
The older man hesitated before nodding, though his brow furrowed, “And the second question?”
Grinning, Evan lay back on the pillow, “kiss?”
Eddie leaned down and kissed him hard, lifting his head breathless after a minute. “My parents will be here in about an hour, so it might not be the best idea to continue this, as enjoyable as it-”
Evan just grinned, eyes dancing with mischief as he pulled Eddie back down, claiming his lips with a soft giggle. Eddie didn’t resist much, relaxing into the hold instantly and kissing him back.
* * *
The two men were dressed but still slightly dishevelled when the doorbell rang at 5pm exactly, and it made Eddie snort, wondering if his mother had stood outside the door watching the clock. With a comforting squeeze of Evan’s hand, Eddie took a breath and nodded, watching Evan move slowly but carefully to the living room with the walker.
Eddie waited for another breath before fixing a smile on his face and opened the door, ignoring the pinched expression on his mother’s face as he wordlessly stepped back and let them in.
There were the customary greetings but no false hugs which made him feel a bit better; as he led the way into the living room, the volume turned down low on the game Chris was playing.
Helena quickly swooped in, smiling brightly, “Merry Christmas, Christopher!“
“Merry Christmas.” Chris waved before focusing his attention back on the game.
Helena shot Eddie a stern look before turning back to Chris and moving to stand in front of the tv, blocking his view. “Maybe it’s time to turn off the game, it’s Christmas, and we should be spending it as a family.”
“Move,” Evan stated, voice hard from where he was sprawled across two cushions, effectively blocking access to sit beside the boy. “Chris knows rules; you are being rude.”
A red flush filled Helena’s cheeks, but she only straightened her back, glaring towards Buck. “We’re here to see, Christopher, and it’s rude to be ignored.”
“True, but Chris has permission to play until save and then supper.” He nodded to the loveseat, “Have a seat until time.”
Inhaling sharply, Helena turned to look at Eddie, who raised a brow and shrugged, “Evan’s right, I gave Chris permission to play until supper. So have a seat, Mom.”
Ramon quickly crossed the room and nudged his wife towards the couch with a shake of his head, the two of them sitting down stiffly, the awkwardness of their presence ignored by Chris as he unpaused the game with his tongue sticking out, focusing entirely on the screen.
“Evan, Helena and Ramon, my parents.”
Evan just waved and turned his attention toward the tv, asking Chris a question.
Eddie watched them for a minute noting with interest that even though Evan was paying attention to Chris, he still kept Eddie’s parents in sight, a slightly challenging jet to his chin as if silently daring them to comment again. When nothing happened, Eddie escaped into the kitchen hoping for a reprieve but was quickly put to work, carrying dishes into the dining room.
He flashed Pepa a grin when he returned to the kitchen, having caught the nameplates and buzzed her cheek, which she accepted with a nod of understanding.
Putting Chris in between him and Evan, with Pepa and Abuela on either side of them, meant his parents were on the opposite side of the round table, though he sometimes wondered if he should invest in a square one.
Chris’s burst of laughter, followed by Evan’s from the living room, made Eddie smile. Ignoring the speculative gleam in his Abuela’s eyes, he took the casserole dish full of tamales out into the dining room, catching sight of Chris and Evan making their way down the hall.
His parents slunk into the room, matching expressions of vexation but clamped their jaws as they nodded tersely to Pepa, who raised a warning brow at them. “You two can sit over there.” She pointed to their spots, name cards on their plates, “and remember civilized and polite conversation.”
Ramon flushed violently at the verbal reminder but didn’t say anything as he pulled out Helena’s chair, though she glared at the seat with Evan’s name.
Evan and Chris came back into the room, cheeks red from laughing and quickly took their seats, whispering together like co-conspirators.
Eddie ruffled Chris’s hair with a grin and allowed his hand to rest on Evan’s neck and squeeze both of them, looking up at him as they laughed before he turned back into the kitchen, coming back quickly with the turkey platter.
Watching his father’s eye twitch at the pre-carved meat kept the smile on Eddie’s face as he set it down in the middle of the table, then he pulled out the chair for Abuela as she followed with the dish of gravy.
“Ramon, Helena. I hope you’ve had a good week sightseeing.” Abuela stated as she sat down, patting Eddie’s arm as he sat down beside her, flashing her a grin. His female relatives were savage when it came down to it, and he had no idea why he didn’t take advantage of them before.
Surprisingly supper was a calm affair, his parents getting over their minor attitude and participating in the conversation though they kept flashing judgemental looks towards Evan every time he spoke. The one time his mother had opened her mouth – no doubt to provide the answer and hurry him along – Abuela cleared her throat and shot a look so hard Helena flushed and lowered her gaze. Evan didn’t notice, or if he did, he didn’t care as he continued talking. Chris piped up and offered suggestions on activities Buck liked to do.
Once everyone had finished eating, Evan grabbed his walker, pulling it close as he took Chris’s empty plate and his own and started piling them on the seat.
“Be careful; you could break something,” Helena spoke, making Evan freeze and dart a worried look toward Eddie.
Eddie sighed and shoved back from the table, “If they break, we buy more. If Evan wants to help, he can.” Moving to assist, Eddie passed over the empty plates and nodded toward the living room, “You guys can go sit; the three of us will clean up the kitchen and bring out dessert and drinks.”
“Thank you, .” Abuela nodded regally and led the way into the living room, Pepa prodding Helena and Ramon in front of them.
Chris led the way into the kitchen, with Evan following, and the two of them set up at the sink. Evan rinsed the plates and utensils with Chris putting them in the dishwasher. At the same time, Eddie brought out the uneaten food and transferred it to the Tupperware dishes on the counter.
It took remarkably little time to clean up; the two Diaz women were efficient and neat in the kitchen, cleaning as they went. Chris waited with them as Eddie got the dessert set up, piling the plates and little forks on Evan’s walker while Evan carefully made the tea.
Pepa popped her head back into the kitchen just as the tea finished steeping and swept it up, offering them a sympathetic expression as they made their way toward the living room again.
Chris sat close to Abuela, who was sitting on the couch, ignoring Helena, who had patted the seat between her and Ramon, eyeing the pile of presents on the coffee table and floor. Eddie couldn’t tell from Chris’s expression if he was excited, though previous experience taught him that the gifts would be woefully under-aged for Chris.
When neither Ramon nor Helena moved to make room on the coffee table, Abuela sighed heavily, moved a present with a glare, and nodded to Eddie to set the cake down. Eddie did and then moved the rest of the gifts so Pepa could put down the tea tray, Helena’s lips thinning in displeasure. “Do you want to come here, Christopher, and open your presents?”
“No thanks, I can do that from here after the cake.” The boy responded, accepting the plate of cake Pepa cut.
Evan declined the cake and sat beside Chris, exhaustion heavy on his face, but accepted the pills Eddie came back with, swallowing them down with a mouthful of tea, Chris laughing at his expression.
“Peached brain, no like tea.”
Laughing in delight, Chris fell back beside him, the cake saved when Evan caught the plate, “but you loved tea before Buck.”
Evan sniffed disdainfully, “Must be crazy; it gross – Like kool-aid.”
Chris made a disgusted face in agreement before finishing off his cake with a happy hum, though his expression fell when Helena moved to bustle around to sit on the coffee table before him and shoved a present at him.
“Helena, go sit back down.” Abuela barked, pointing at the couch, muttering in Spanish as Helena looked at her in betrayal.
Ramon sighed heavily, “Mi amor, come sit so everyone can see, please?”
Huffing out a breath, Helena stomped back to the couch and folded her arms angrily as she watched Christopher half-heartily open the pile of presents, his face blank and expressionless.
“Don’t you like your presents?” Helena demanded when Chris didn’t react, the boy shrinking back against the couch, leaning more on Evan than anything.
“May I go to my room, please?” Chris asked softly, avoiding anyone’s gaze.
Eddie nodded, helped Chris lift him over the couch, set him on his feet as Evan handed over the crutches, and kept his gaze on Helena, who looked about to explode.
Thankfully she at least waited until the door to Chris’s bedroom clicked shut, rising to her feet, face red. “That was incredibly rude and disrespectful, Edmundo. He should have been more thankful for the presents.”
“Why? You got him toys for kids, Mom; he hasn’t played with Duplo blocks since he was 3!” Eddie waved his hand expressively to the pile of toys, “you got him picture books and puzzle a 5-year-old could do, for fuck sake.”
“Don’t use that language around me, Edmundo.” Helena growled, pointing her finger at him, “Christopher doesn’t need to hear that either; it’s a wonder he’s still polite with how you raise him.” Sniffing disdainfully, she tossed her head, “When I had him, he knew better; he’d have been happy with what he was given because I wouldn’t tolerate that kind of behaviour.”
“That was almost five years ago; he grew up, Mom!” Eddie rose to his feet from the arm of the couch, “but you don’t care that he’s grown up or what he’s interested in; it’s always been about you and your feelings.”
“That’s not true.” Helena argued, “I just know what he needs and this-” she waved her hand towards Evan with a sniff, “this idiot isn’t it. He can’t speak properly, and you think you’ll marry him?” She vibrated with rage and shook her head as if making a point, “Not under my watch; if you want it shacked up with an imbecile, then you go right ahead, but I refuse to let Christopher fall into that trap!” She muttered under her breath in Swedish and raised a triumphant brow when they could only glare at her.
Eddie growled low and pointed to the door, “You think you can lord it over us by talking about me in another language than there-”
“Is me the problem or the fact I man?” Evan interrupted with a curious look, “You know, no court going to take Chris for same-sex marriage, so you alienate people to get wants?”
Everyone in the room froze, and Helena’s mouth opened and closed repeatedly before Evan rose to his feet and straightened to his full height, “how old is Chris? Grade? Hobbies? You know he won the contest last year for a science experiment, over $1000 reward, run and funded by JPL?” Evan waved a hand towards the wall Eddie had painstakingly created when he’d been off work as a firefighter showcasing all of Chris’s accomplishments. “He won a writing contest before Christmas break and published soon, so ‘everyone’ can read.” When Helena just stared, Evan snorted, “You don’t know? He grandson, right? You know nothing about it?” Evan shook his head in disappointment and slipped into Spanish. “I thought it was bad when I woke and couldn’t remember anything about myself, but I still knew Chris. That boy is special in a way that you’d destroy to keep him a baby forever. I got news for you; he’s not your do-over child because Eddie didn’t do what you wanted. You treat both of them absolutely horrid, and I didn’t think that was possible after having my parents toss me aside for not saving my brother. A brother, mind you, I never knew of until I was almost 30. So you can stand there and stomp your feet that you’re not getting your way all you want, but the truth is, you don’t matter. At all. Your wants, opinions, comments or concerns mean zero to me. If you wanna fight Eddie for custody, you can try, but I’ll bury you in so much paperwork, it would make the Librarians of Alexandria cry; I’ll bankrupt you before you could even hope to get your greedy grasping claws on my son.”
The five Diazs stared dumbfounded as Evan dropped back down, face green, breathed hard, a hand covering his eyes.
Eddie moved behind the couch, running a hand through Evan’s hair, “you okay?”
Evan shrugged, breathing through his mouth, “Head hurts.”
Eddie hummed, unsurprised; the multiple languages and tirades in complete Spanish, along with the memories that had popped into Evan’s mind, were probably overloading his system. Looking toward his parents, he saw that his mother still looked pale and shocked, and his dad just looked sad; Eddie sighed, “Evan’s right, you know? You are a selfish mom, Chris is almost twelve years old, and he’s in grade eight because he skipped a grade due to the type of school he’s in. If you’d actually listened to your grandson, you’d know that. The fact that you didn’t even know about his science experiment proves you don’t because he still talks about it, considering how proud he was about the win.” Eddie sighed, suddenly exhausted, “Evan’s also right in the fact that you both view Chris as a do-over and while I normally wouldn’t accept money, I’d let Evan bury you because the truth of that is he has more than I do. Evan is Christopher’s father just as much as I am, and neither of us will let him go without a fight.”
Helena opened her mouth, darted a glance around the room, and met the unsupportive faces of Abuela and Pepa, tears springing to her eyes as she finally turned to look at Ramon, expecting him to back her like always.
To Eddie’s shock, Ramon took a deep breath and shook his head, “No Helena, not- not this time. I thought maybe at some point you might have had good intentions, but this entire visit-” Ramon sighed heavily, “grab the gifts; we will donate them to the hospital.”
“But Christopher?” Helena started crying, “You promised.”
“What I promised is completely at odds with the evidence presented; you have lied and manipulated the truth, so I would agree, and I-” Ramon rose to his feet, “I can’t. This isn’t right. It’s like, I don’t even know who you are, so let us go and talk privately because this- this entire situation is a nightmare you created.”
Helena burst into tears and covered her face making Pepa tut at her, “Get over yourself, Helena. You lost; accept it and move on.”
“I’ve lost nothing!” Helena’s head snapped up, tears mysteriously gone. “It’s all that freak’s fault, turning you against me.”
“Freak, huh? Why? Because English broken? Speak and read Spanish, Swedish, Italian, and French. Understand even more. I have TBI, where I almost die, but I fight; I fight to come home! I fight for my family; I protect them like they do me.”
Evan sat up suddenly, hand clapping over his mouth, “Bucket?” Pepa had the presence of mind to grab the trash can and shove it under Evan’s head before he lost the contents of his stomach.
Eddie glanced at his father and jerked his head to the door as Abuela rose, “Ramon, you and your wife need to leave. Now. This.” She paused, mouth twisting, “This display is unnecessary, disgusting and vulgar.”
She picked up the box of Duplo and shoved it at them, “It sickens me that you support this. So out, out and do not come back.”
Helena sniffed, dropped the box, and marched towards the door, slamming out of the house without a word; Ramon stood there indecisive for a long moment as Abuela shook her head, picking up the tea tray. “I’m very disappointed in you; this- this is not the man I raised.” As Abuela swept from the room, the blast of the horn from outside made them all jump, and Evan moaned in pain.
Eddie dismissed his parents from his mind, moved around the couch, and took the bucket, setting it down, “Let’s get you to bed, cariño.”
Pepa returned from the kitchen with a cold compress and handed it to Eddie, who placed it over Evan’s, the blond relaxing almost instantly at the sensation.
Pepa cleared her throat and pointed towards the door, “Leave Ramon, or I will call the cops if someone else hasn’t already.”
Ramon closed his eyes and nodded, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”
Eddie glanced up from helping Evan stand, then moved to brace him and shook his head bitterly, “You didn’t care to; as long as she was happy, you were.”
With that, Eddie helped Evan down the hall, Evan keeping the cloth of his eyes; even once he was in bed, Eddie curled up beside him briefly and urged the pills down his throat, nodding in thanks to Pepa, who brought in the washed-out trash can for reuse. “He left.” Eddie nodded and ran a hand down Evan’s back, beaconing to Chris, who hovered by the door.
“Come on in, buddy.” Helping Chris clamoured onto the bed, Pepa left them with a soft look, pulling the door shut most of the way behind her.
Chris snuggled beside Eddie, who was in the middle; Evan curled up on Eddie’s chest, already breathing steadily in his sleep. “Did you tell Buck those things?”
Shaking his head, Eddie laid his head on Chris’s and admitted softly, “No, he remembered on his own, which is why he was sick; it triggered a migraine.”
Chris pursed his lips silently as he gazed at Evan, raising a hand and letting it hover without touching. He let it fall with a little sigh, though when it landed, it did so on Evan’s hand.
“What’s the matter, mijo?” Eddie asked softly, lifting his arm so Chris could tuck in closer.
“I don’t know.” Chris sighed and shifted until he could look up at his father, “I’m happy that Buck’s remembering even though it made him sick, but I’m mad and sad that it was because of Grandma.”
“Me too, Chris.” Eddie sighed and pressed a kiss to Chris’s head, “Sorry for the gifts she bought.”
Chris shrugged, “It’s fine; kind of used to it.”
“That’s bullshit,” Evan whispered from his place in Eddie’s chest, shifting to pull the cloth from his head and cracking open an eye. Evan winced but reached out a hand patting Chris’s head, “You’re the best kid ever. Can’t see that, then needs therapy.”
Chris grabbed Buck’s hand and held it against his head, giggling, “You owe the swear jar five dollars, papa.”
“Add twenty later,” Evan promised as his eyes slid shut, a puff of air leaving his mouth as he fell asleep again.
Chris giggled again, then yawned, snuggling closer, and that was how the three of them fell asleep, Eddie on his back with Evan and Chris sprawled across his chest.
