Reading Time: 83 Minutes
Title: Forever and Ever, Amen
Author: MykkiTno
Fandom: 9-1-1
Genre: Angst, Amnesia, Drama, Family, First Time, Pre-Relationship, Romance
Relationship(s): Evan Buckley/ Eddie Diaz
Content Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Attempted-Rape, Could be considered Dub-con (see note), Hate Crimes/Hate Speech, Homophobia, Anti-Maddie/Chimney but they do get better. Anti-Buckley parents, Anti-Helena, Anti-Conner/Kameron, Ableism, Canon Level Violence, Discussion of Postpartum Depression, Discussion of Canon Domestic Violence
Author Note: regarding consent warning, could be considered dubious consent due to one character having amnesia, but both are very willing.
Alpha: Hourstillnoon
Word Count: 81,903
Summary: On his way to donate Buck is t-boned and ends up in a coma. Eddie and the rest face some hard truths about their youngest member when he wakes up with total amnesia, together they learn that the only way to go forward is with family by your side.
Artist: Drake
Chapter Six
After working a 24-hour shift that ran into 5 hours of overtime, and before official visiting hours, Eddie slipped into Buck’s room, eyes automatically going to the digital readouts of the monitors before moving to the head of the bed. Running a hand gently through the hair, slowly growing back, Eddie’s lips curled into a smile because the full beard on Buck’s face would annoy the shit out of him.
Propping another card Chris had made, Eddie sat down in the chair beside him and just looked at him.
Even though it had only been three weeks since the accident, it was like a lifetime; not hearing Buck’s voice was beginning to feel like the sun wasn’t shining.
Slowly picking up Buck’s hand that wasn’t entirely trapped by wires, Eddie laid his forehead on it, brushing the tips of Buck’s fingers with his lips. “I miss you, like so much. Work’s not the same at all, like don’t get me wrong, Ravi’s a great kid; you’ve trained him well; he just doesn’t read me the same. I just- it feels like it takes another minute for things to get done, and I’m slowly losing my mind.” He lifted his head and propped his chin on Buck’s hand, subtly curling his fingers around his wrist to track the pulse. “I put in my personal best today – Chim and Maddie pissed me off – don’t worry, I went to the gym; Dodger and Angel said hi. They offered to hold a fundraiser if we needed the funds, but I told them we were covered; they both want to know when you’re awake ’cause they wanna visit.” Eddie smiled, “I wished I’d asked more questions years ago when we met. Angel talked about a training incident when you tried out for the Seals. I felt so bad because I honestly… I thought.” Eddie frowned, sighed, kissing the back of the hand, and admitted sadly, “I don’t know what I thought. I guess I never understood you’d completed BUDs, which is mind-boggling; that course isn’t easy or for the faint of heart. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I’m learning all these things I never knew or suspected about your past. It’s starting- I feel like a horrible friend, not even thinking to ask.”
Reaching up a hand, Eddie smoothed the blankets and traced Buck’s chin with a finger, “When you wake up, and you will, I’m going to fix that. I want to know everything about you, no matter how horrible you think it is.” Eddie took a deep breath, “Because it can’t be worse than living in a world without you; I need you to wake up, Evan. Please. I need you.”
Eddie sat for a few more minutes, just breathing with his head on Buck’s hand, when he jolted as a thumb caressed his chin. Head snapping up, he met the hazy blue eyes that blinked at him blurrily before a small smile lifted the corners of his mouth. Before Edie could react, Buck’s eyes slid shut, but the smile stayed, and suddenly Eddie started crying, and it wasn’t a sad cry; ironically enough, it felt like hope.
He was still crying silently when he felt a hand on his neck, the sweet scent of Gardenias hitting his nose, making Eddie’s head snap alert from where it was resting against Buck’s side.
“Abuela?”
“Oh, Eddito, I’m so sorry; I came as soon as I heard.” The older woman brushed the tears from Eddie’s face and snagged a chair, pulling it over in a surprising show of strength that belied her age. “Now, you tell Abuela everything, and then we will pray before you drive me to your home. We have much to organize for when Evanito comes home, si?”
* * *
The clearing of a throat finally drew Eddie’s gaze away from the screen, and he blinked in surprise at the determined glint and gut of Maddie Buckley. She stood there, dressed as professionally as he’d ever seen, holding a sheet of papers, which she handed over with a little smirk. Though she did her best to hide that once, he took them and waited for him to read them.
It took everything he had not to laugh, though he did sigh audibly and asked, “You sure you wanna do this?”
Mouth twisting unpleasantly and gritting her teeth, Maddie replied, “You are not making the best medical conditions with Buck’s wishes in mind. I’ve asked for a second opinion which you have denied. So as Buck’s power of attorney, I have no choice but to challenge your appointment as his medical proxy; mediation is Monday morning unless you sign immediately.”
Tapping his fingers absentmindedly on the keyboard, Eddie rolled his head, feeling his neck crack, “I’m not signing shit, especially not without my lawyer present. You take me for that much of a fool, or did you expect you could control and blackmail me like you do to Buck regularly?”
Rearing back like she’d been struck, Maddie gasped, body trembling as Chimney rested a hand on her lower back to give her strength, glare etched onto his face as he stared at Eddie in disbelief. “You’re going to fight her? She’s his sister, and you’re not listening to her.”
Locking his computer by reflex, Eddie closed the lid and leaned back in the chair with a brow raised, “that’s a little rich, coming from you.“ Eddie held up a hand when they both opened their mouths, “Look, it doesn’t matter, considering Buck made me his medical proxy in 2020, he’s had almost three years to change it, and he hasn’t, so I’m going to keep doing what I’m doing. You do what you want, and if you really wanna fight it.” He packed the laptop with one hand and stood. “That’s cool. I’ll see you in court.”
Glancing at Bobby, Eddie took the overt jerk of the captain’s head to head down the stairs, locking his laptop in his shared locker with Buck, and then slipped out the back. Taking a few deep breaths before texting Jenni, alerting her that Maddie was challenging his appointment just like Buck had predicted, breaking his heart too. He’d expected better from her; he really had; he just hoped it was a gut-punched reaction of concern and not greed-talking.
After the shift ended, Eddie knew he could call or text Lou but instead decided he wanted a face-to-face meeting. The last few being emotionally charged and a bit chaotic, he didn’t want Conner or his wife getting off on a technicality because he wasn’t cohesive in his statement enough to get a conviction.
Stopping to grab a coffee for the detective after messaging Athena, Lou’s preference on the sly, Eddie grabbed three coffees and a box of doughnuts for the bullpen and proceeded into the station.
Stopping at the front desk, he balanced the coffees on the box, flashed his LAFD badge, and provided his name, asking for Lou. The lady at the desk, Mary, nodded and buzzed him through, “Head on through, Firefighter Diaz; Athena gave me a heads up; they’ll meet you on the way.”
Offering a smile of thanks, Eddie slid the tray of coffees off and offered a doughnut and received a blush in return as she took one before moving through.
He got halfway down the hall when Athena beelined around the corner, eyes lit up with concern as she saw him, only dropping to the coffee briefly before they came back up and met his. “Hey, baby.” She took the box from his unresisting hands and passed it off to Lou before pulling him into a warm hug. He returned gratefully; it felt like what a mother’s hug should, and one he hadn’t felt in a very long time. Not wanting to think of Helena Diaz, Eddie squeezed Athena, pulling back with a sigh, and asked, “How was he?”
Sadly Athena shook her head, “he woke up briefly a few times, but no change, Natasha and David, though, were both still happy with his scans and everything, but it’s-”
“Just a waiting game, I know.” Eddie finished for her, then asked softly, “So what’s that mean for the case against Conner and his wife?”
Athena scowled and jerked her head to a Lou who matched the look but directed them to a side room with comfortable chairs and a couch. “They have been charged and arraigned but are out on bail – they have a whole list of conditions – Passports have been seized, they’re not allowed out of the state, twice daily check-ins and are not allowed at Presbyterian Hospital, and if they’re taken there in an emergency their names have been flagged in the system not to allow them near Buck’s room.” Lou ran a hand down his face, and scowled as he sipped his coffee, his eyes widened in surprise, “this is good, where’s it from?”
Still trying to parse through the list of conditions, Eddie blinked for a minute and then smiled, “Coffee Café next to Sandbox, amazing, isn’t it? Buck introduced me to it years ago.” He took a sip of his coffee, rolling it around on his tongue before swallowing, “What’s with the scowl? Doesn’t feel like it bodes well.”
At the reminder, the scowl reappeared on Lou’s face, “It’s a mess, honestly; even with all the evidence, the DA isn’t sure they have enough to convict, and their rumblings that their defence lawyer is fighting for breach of contract and diminished capacity, and possible temporary insanity, etc.” Lou held up a hand as Eddie opened his mouth to protest, “don’t worry yet, I’m giving Phoebe the night to think it over again before I start pestering her.”
Irritation flashed across Eddie’s, “I know it’s not your fault, but the intent was clearly there and laid out in the text and voicemails.”
“Eddie.” Athena cautioned softly, placing a hand on his knee. “Lou is-”
“I know. I’m sorry. Everything always happens to Buck, you know, and he won’t fight it, and if the DA waits til he wakes up, he’ll somehow either a: blame himself for it or B: give them a pass because he was unconscious.” Eddie replied just as softly, tears lacing his words. “I hate this.”
Rubbing his eyes harshly, he took a breath and raised his head, “What about the other drivers? Anything happening there?”
In a complete display of unprofessionalism, Lou groaned and flopped back against the cushions, “Now that is a mess and a half. Road construction analysts were quick and got me a layout, but getting footage from the company the driver drove for has turned into a nightmare; though the driver of the Hummer is a teen and cooperating, his father is throwing a fit. But he can’t seem to decide if it’s more at the teen than us, but he’s now trying to claim the light was green for his son, and Buck was in the wrong.”
“Dios Mio.” Eddie frowned, “what about the dash cam in Buck’s jeep? Did you get that for analysis?”
Lou and Athena both froze, “Buck had a cam?”
“Yeah? Didn’t Maddie…” Eddie sighed and hung his head, “At least tell me you got the paperwork I had my lawyer fax over….” At their continued blank look, Eddie swore. “Okay, give me a second, please?”
At their nods, he pulled out his phone and placed a quick call to Jenni, fingers drumming impatiently on his thigh,
“Jenni speaking, make it snappy it’s been a dumpster fire today,” her tone was clipped but grippy, and it threw Eddie for a short loop.
“Ah… Jenni. It’s Eddie Diaz, Pepa’s-”
“Sorry Eddie, it’s been – Jose, . Sorry, it’s been a day; we had a break-in last night; what can I do for you?”
Sitting up, Eddie glanced between Lou and Athena, “is everyone alright?”
“Yeah, it’s…. The cameras mysteriously went down, so there’s no security surveillance. We have to do it the old-fashioned way, going case by case and seeing what was accessed on the computers, but whoever did it damaged the equipment. The technician has been scrambling all day.”
His body tried to relax but tightened in anticipation as if unsure which reaction to go with, so he drew in a breath, “police are investigating, right?”
A sniff echoed through the phone as if Jenni was offended, “Of course they are; they spent the better part of the morning dusting for prints, but you didn’t call about my mess, so why’d you call?”
Taking the soft reprimand for what it was, Eddie shook his head, “Sorry, um, I’m at the police station talking with the detective in charge of Buck’s case, and he doesn’t seem to have the updated files for Buck’s Power of Attorney.”
“Oh, yeah, sorry. I had to send the information by courier; asshat destroyed the fax machine.” There was a minute of clicking in the background before she spoke again, “showing here that they were signed for at 4:34 by a Janet Morales.” The phone went muffled for a second before Jenni came back to the phone, “Look, if the detective didn’t get them, I can have some more printed as soon as we get the servers back, but let me know, alright? I’ll also text you the confirmation times for the court date; everything is set with that, so don’t worry, alright?”
“Yeah-yeah- sure. I’ll-” The phone went dead in his ear before Eddie could finish, and he sighed, lowering it slowly. “So it looks like they sent the paperwork, and Janet Morales signed for it at 4:34.”
Lou nodded and left the room; Athena took a moment to look at him, “So how long have you known you’re Buckaroo’s POA?”
Snorting, Eddie set his phone down, ignoring the buzz that followed and sank back against the cushion, “Two-three days. I just got the finical records yesterday, and it’s-” he broke off with a frown, “Buck was a lot smarter than any of us gave him credit for. Like I don’t know how to explain it, but that man understands money on a level that boggles the mind. He has notes and reminders on everything dating back years, and he seems to have the foresight to remove money weeks before something tanks. I just don’t get it.”
The look Athena gave him made him want to squirm because he didn’t understand it. It was like a cross between him being an idiot or a disappointment, and either scenario didn’t bode well for him. “Of course, I knew the boy was brilliant; he had to be to get that stint as a fire marshal. Michael told me you need a degree, preferably in law or math, so Buck obviously had something.
Dumbfounded, Eddie could only stare and admit with a self-deprecating laugh, “We thought the department had just given him something to do.”
Snorting, Athena took a sip of her coffee, “Not bloody likely, considering the amount of power Buck had in the position, they couldn’t just give it to some rando. Buck literally had the power to shut down any building in the city for health and safety violations, and I know he did twice because dispatch was called to enforce it.” Athena sighed and gave him a stern look, “I know you love that man, but I think when he wakes up, you have an honest conversation. I think you’ll be in for a surprise or three….”
Sadly Eddie nodded and closed his eyes, “I know, and I plan on it. If he’s trapped in a bed, I figured he can’t escape an uncomfortable conversation.”
Humming, Athena let out a little smirk, “It’s Buck; pretty sure he could escape a straight jacket.”
Snorting a laugh, Eddie cracked open an eye, “Yeah, he probably could, but I’m still going to try. We both deserve honesty.”
Lou walked back in, holding the envelope with the papers, and smiled, “This is perfect, though there is a note that Maddie Buckley is challenging the medical proxy?” Lou trailed off in confusion and looked at Eddie, a slow smile growing on his face. “She doesn’t know she’s not Buck’s power of attorney?”
“She’s not anything, actually: Buck has me listed as next of kin, beneficiary, medical proxy and everything else. If the worst case scenario happens, Maddie will only get her hands on the deed to the jeep and a small piece of paper with the information and conditions for the trust Buck set up for Jee.”
Lou sank across from him, a look of intense concentration on his face, though his eyes were pinched with worry, “Eddie, how much is Buck currently worth?”
The question had Eddie blinking back tears, “Currently, 6.8 million dollars, if- if he passes away… it’ll triple.”
“Does anyone else know that?” Lou demanded, making Eddie shake his head and explain.
“It was part of why he changed his power of attorney. Buck was meticulous in his notes, having the foresight and forethought to write out how each person was likely to respond. He detailed exactly what Maddie would do when confronted with him having a serious medical injury and not being the “person” in charge.” He shrugged, “This is the first step; she’s challenging my authority based on her emotions; I have proof that I’ve tried to talk to her; I have multiple doctors and records showing Buck has had more than one assessment; she’s currently grasping at straws.” He frowned suddenly and then smiled, “I’m starting to suspect Maddie’s pushing this so much because she thinks it’ll get Buck’s paperwork; she won’t ask for it outright, but I imagine she’s being stone-walled by Buck’s bank about getting access.”
Nodding as if that made sense, Lou tilted his head, “You seem pretty confident she’ll lose; what’s the step after this?”
“Their parents will show up. Which I already think is in the works; Hen let it slip this morning that Chimney was panicking about it. Apparently, they put in an offer for a house and couldn’t afford the down payment required, so called them.” He met Athena’s eyes when the woman huffed angrily, “Don’t worry, I’ve already had them blocked from the hospital. The list includes six people, and Maddie’s still on the list, but she hasn’t been in since before he started waking up, not that she’d been there much before that.”
Nodding acceptance Athena relaxed, “So, who’s going to court with you?”
“Ah… I don’t know.” Eddie waved his phone, “haven’t looked yet.”
The look Athena cast him made him quickly rectify that oversight, though he hid a smile as he did so, glad Athena was on his side.
* * *
Sitting in a small room with Athena and Bobby on one side of him and Jenni on the other, Eddie stared across the table as Chimney sat down with Maddie sans lawyer. The six of them waited in silence before the judge mediating the case arrived, their lips compressed into a thin line as she glared around the room.
“My name is Judge Allison Munro, and I must admit I’m perplexed by this case.” She stated as she moved into the room entirely, taking up the positions at the head of the table, and waved a hand for them to remain seated. Judge Munro was a middle-aged woman with blond hair and vivid green eyes that seemed to sparkle with an inner fire as she pointed at Maddie.
“Five minutes, state your case.”
Maddie blinked and opened her mouth before closing it, tears appearing in her eyes, which caused the judge to snort, “Cut the theatrics; I’m not interested in emotion; I want facts; why should I grant your petition?”
Face reddening at the reprimand, Maddie took a breath and covered her hands together in her lap, “Buck, my brother, has always been a highly emotional person. I knew he’d made Eddie his medical proxy – he did it in a bid to keep me safe, during my pregnancy because of COVID, but I had thought and maybe expected that to have changed. When he was injured at the beginning of November, I had technical difficulties with my phone and didn’t receive the notifications that he had been in an accident. I only discovered that Eddie was still his medical proxy after Buck had undergone unnecessary medical treatments. As Buck’s power of attorney, I’ve repeatedly asked for a second opinion and consultation, but I’ve been ignored in their bid to keep Buck trapped here in a life he would despise.”
Allison Munro frowned, “do you have proof of that accusation?”
Maddie shook her head, “I’ve been denied any medical reports pertaining to Buck’s treatment plans; no one has submitted or provided any medical bills which would need to be paid either.”
Eddie opened his mouth, but Jenni touched his arm and shook her head, so he closed it reluctantly and waited.
The judge looked down at the folder and made a brief note, “Have you been in to see your brother?”
A flush climbed Maddie’s cheeks, and she shook her head. “I haven’t felt comfortable going; or feel welcomed…. Between seeing Buck like that, and Eddie’s constant presence. Plus, I have other obligations that take up a lot of my time, Howie,” she gestured to Chimney beside her, “and I have a daughter together and finding childcare has proven difficult with our schedules; we’re also in the middle of moving into our new home, where I have a room set up for Buck – if he survives and doesn’t need long term care.”
At that, the judge glanced up and narrowed her eyes, “and if Mr.Buckley requires long-term care, what is your proposal?”
Floundering briefly, Maddie grasped at Chimney’s hand, “Our parents are arranging a room at a facility in Pennsylvania.”
“Over my dead body.” Eddie snapped, ignoring the sharp look from Jenni, “Your parents have no say in Buck’s care – even if you think I’m going to allow them to swan in here-”
“Mr.Diaz.” The judge cut him off with a stern look, making Eddie swallow and clamp his mouth shut.
“Ms.Buckley, as Mr.Diaz stated, and by your own admission in your complaint, you’re only listed as Buck’s power of attorney and next of kin; there is no mention of your parents anywhere, and based on Mr. Diaz’s reaction as his medical proxy he would never consent to Mr.Buckley’s removal from the state of California.”
“Dissolving that outdated paperwork would automatically reassign me as Buck’s medical proxy. As for our parents, yes, they’ve been absent,” she glared when Eddie couldn’t help but snort in derision but continued, mouth trembling, “they’re trying now; they’re currently at our home taking care of our daughter, and want to visit their son, but aren’t allowed based on the visitor’s list.”
Humming, the judge looked at Eddie, “Is that true, Mr.Diaz? Have you blocked their parents from visiting and seeing their son?”
“Yes, ma’am, it is, and the only one who could ever possibly convince me to remove it is currently trying to wake up,” Eddie responded instantly, receiving a sharp look from the judge.
“Explain.” The judge demanded and clarified, “Mr.Buckley is waking up?”
“Slowly, but yes. A week ago, the doctors reversed the medical coma; three days ago, he woke up for a few minutes; unfortunately, at this time, he hasn’t been awake long enough to do any testing.” Eddie explained, and because he was a petty man, he glanced at Jenni, who handed over a sheet of paper, “I’ve also tried to inform Maddie of the change in his medical condition, but as you can see, even with my repeated attempts, she never responded though it shows she has read them.”
The judge reached for the paper and picked up reading it, then looked at Maddie but didn’t say anything before glancing back at Eddie. “And the situation around their parents?”
Eddie cleared his throat and shifted in his chair, “Buck has always had a slightly contentious relationship with his parents. They were more present in their absence than in their concern or desire to care for their son. Buck only learned why a few years ago, and that was because of the circumstances around his birth.” Eddie drew in a breath when Maddie let out a choked sob, “Buck was born to be a saviour sibling for their older brother who had juvenile leukemia; after successfully providing the treatment, Daniel unfortunately still passed away, and their parents have blamed Buck for that failure every day since.”
The judge blinked and glanced between them, then blinked again, “which is a tragic circumstance but doesn’t necessarily explain your reaction in not allowing them to visit; it seems that according to Ms.Buckley that they are trying.”
Eddie snorted and folded his arms, “No, they’re not; I have reason to believe that the only reason they’re here is an attempt to get ahold of Buck’s money.”
“Buck doesn’t have any money.” Maddie denied it instantly and snapped, “It’s the entire reason I’m here, Eddie.” She waved a hand, frustrated, “Do you really think I want to be fighting you on this? I love Buck and hate being at odds with everyone, but you’re all concerned with keeping Buck here trapped in a life he’ll hate, and I won’t let you do that.”
Eddie glared back, “Why are you so insistent that Buck will be damaged or changed. Every scan has come back promising and hopeful; the leg has healed well, and so have the shoulder and hip, and even the puncture on his stomach is gone. He’s breathing independently and has been since a week after the injury. He’s literally a miracle right now, considering how serious the accident was, and just because he hasn’t woken up doesn’t mean he won’t. He’s trying, and he’ll win because that’s what he does; Buck is a fighter and always has been.”
The standoff between them was tense, but the judge cleared her throat, breaking the silence, “Has Mr.Buckley been injured at all in the time since his medical proxy was changed?”
“No.” Maddie grimanced and responded, “Buck is often scatterbrained, so I believe it’s part of the reason it’s just slipped his mind.”
Eddie shook his head and huffed, folded his arms.
“Do you disagree, Mr.Diaz?” The judge asked.
“I do, your honour. Buck was injured last September, about a week after Maddie fled the state; he was admitted for a suspected orbital fracture he sustained from an unprovoked sucker punch. As a result, he was off work for three weeks, and no matter how much I tried to convince him otherwise, he refused to press charges.” Eddie explained, staring straight at Chimney, looking green and shifty as hell. “He also had a few other minor injuries during the six months Maddie wasn’t in the state, and after she came back, Buck had three minor injuries – the last one was a concussion that happened at the end of August.”
The judge frowned and glanced around the room, “was Mr.Buckley awake when brought into the hospital that time?”
Eddie flicked his gaze to Chimney, who averted his eyes, “No, but I was already on hand, and as his medical proxy, I was able to provide immediate approval.”
Making a note, the judge frowned and asked Maddie, “Where did you go that required a six-month absence?”
Mouth trembling, Maddie’s arm tightened around Chimney’s hand, “After giving birth, I started to have issues with PPD, I had attempted treatment here in LA, but it wasn’t successful, so I booked an in-house treatment program in Boston.”
Eddie shook his head in disappointment, the judge frowning as she looked between them, “do you disagree?”
“With parts of that, yes.” Eddie admitted, “But I’m not sure how much my perspective of that situation affects these proceedings.”
The judge straightened, annoyance building on her face, “Let me make that decision; what parts don’t you agree with?”
“Maddie didn’t leave LA with a plan. In fact no one knew where she was or why she fled, but that’s what she does when things get hard. She only checked into a treatment program at the end of October, almost five weeks after she left LA.” Maddie and Chimney glared at him, as Eddie finished speaking but he was suddenly too tired to care.
The judge frowned as she looked at Maddie, “Is Mr.Diaz correct in his perception of the events?”
Maddie’s gaze was a little jerk of her head, lips compressed into a thin line, and the judge sighed and made another note. “Do you have a copy of the POA and medical proxy?”
Maddie nodded, sliding a much-folded paper over, and admitted softly, “It’s the only copy I could find.”
The judge picked it up and frowned, “Mr.Diaz?”
Eddie slid over the folder and straightened his back, squeezing Athena’s hand as the judge silently read the two documents – his folder taking longer and causing a slight frown to crease the judge’s face.
The judge finally lifted her head and looked straight at Eddie, then turned to Maddie, “Unfortunately, Ms.Buckley, as I’m sure you’re already aware, I cannot accept your incomplete and inaccurate paperwork. So I have to find in Mr.Diaz’s favour; if you can find the completed paperwork and submit it in 30 days, we can review the case then.”
Maddie started to cry, Chimney glaring straight at him. Eddie just lifted his chin, silently daring the older man to say anything. Almost disappointed, Eddie watched as the Buckley-Han duo gathered their things and left the room without a look back.
The judge sighed, rubbed tired eyes, and gestured to the folder, “You know this is highly irregular, right?”
Nodding, Eddie grimaced, “I know, but I refuse to go against Buck’s wishes in this; he was explicit in his reasoning.” He turned his gaze to the door the duo had taken, “I can’t say I blame him, not after this, but I guess we’ll see what they do next. Maybe I’ll be happily surprised?”
A sinking feeling hit his stomach when no one said anything, and he closed his eyes and tipped his head back, squeezing Athena’s hand again.
Chapter Seven
A week passed, and there was no update on the case against Conner and his wife, the accident and fault were still being contested. However, that had been chiefly directed between the transport and the father of the teen, both parties finally agreeing Buck had been an innocent bystander. The proof from Buck’s dashcam enough evidence to finally shut the teen’s father up.
The shift was slow, so when Eddie thought the word quiet, he did it with a quick glance around the station, half expecting Buck to pop up from nowhere and accuse him of trying to jinx the shift. And while the calls had ramped up after his wayward thought, it was nothing like the one shift with thirty-eight calls.
Most of them were nuisance calls but included two motor vehicle accidents, both fender benders, though one of the victims was a ninety-year-old woman Hen determined should go to the hospital to be double-checked. A fire destroyed the house and took the lives of household pets; all the human occupants were not home at the time. There was a wellness check that Athena ended up taking over, as the woman was more lonely than anything.
It was still a relief to end the shift, crawl into his truck and drive to the hospital; Chris spending the night at Karen and Hen’s.
Peggy waylaid him when he entered, pulling him off to the side with a reassuringly smiling, “Don’t worry, it’s mostly- we’ll not get good news, exactly, but Buck officially woke up briefly for about ten minutes.” She held up a hand when he started to move, “Let me finish, he was pretty disoriented, the speech was slurred, which was expected, but he also wasn’t awake long enough to do any testing.”
Taking in a shuddering breath, Eddie braced against the wall, “That- that-” Slowly, he shook his head, he wanted to say that was good news, but it felt like the most significant letdown to date, or at least since the accident itself.
The head nurse offered him an understanding smile, “I know it’s not what you really wanted to hear, but I think it’s a good sign. Hopefully, it means he won’t sleep as long this time, alright?”
Numbly and almost bitterly, Eddie nodded, “Yeah, I guess hope is pretty much all I’m running on right now.”
Peggy winced and patted his shoulder, “You go sit and talk to him; tell him about your day.”
Flexing his hands, Eddie pushed off the wall without a word and went down the hall towards Buck’s room, nodding at the nurse emerging from the opposite door.
Slipping into the room, Eddie made his way to the bed, fixing the blankets and scanning the monitors briefly before sinking into the chair beside the bed. Getting comfortable, Eddie took Buck’s hand, gently tracing the veins on the back before softly recounting his day.
A thumb grazing his jaw, tickling his lips, brought Eddie out of his sleep, nose scrunching in irritation, before his eyes snapped open. A broken sob escaped his throat as Buck blinked at him, eyes a little unfocused but alert as they looked around the room before settling back on him.
The two men stared at one another before Buck broke into an achingly familiar smile, his eyes shining with happiness, and whispered, thumb tapping Eddie’s lip gently, “Pretty.”
A flood of emotions flowed through Eddie, a mix of embarrassment that flooded his cheeks at the word and the reverence in Buck’s eyes, something he’d seen before but had never taken the time to analyze. Sitting up slowly, Eddie caught Buck’s hand and brushed a kiss across the back of it, “Not as pretty as you.”
A cocky little grin crossed Buck’s face, his eyebrows twitching as if he was trying to get them to dance but was having difficulties, a frown of frustration replacing the expression. Buck glanced around the room again and shook his head, “Hospital?
“Yeah, unfortunately, Buck-”
“Not deer.” Buck frowned and jerked back, lip trembling, “Meanie.”
Blinking a little, Eddie reached out and resumed his purchase of Buck’s hand, “Hey, no, I’m not being mean; it’s your nickname.”
As Buck’s face scrunched up with tears filling his eyes, Eddie hastened to apologize, “No baby, don’t-” Moving to sit on the edge of the bed, Eddie reached up and upped Buck’s cheek brushing the tears away, “I can call you Evan, it’s alright.”
A mixture of joy and confusion filled Buck’s face, first at the pet name and then his actual name before he closed his and tilted his head into Eddie’s hand. Lips brushing Eddie’s wrist when he spoke again. “esposo?”
Eddie’s breath caught at the instant arousal that flooded his system, though he couldn’t tell you if it was the sensation of Buck’s lips or the word. After exhaling, Eddie slowly shook his head, “No, .”
Buck blinked open his eyes, sadness mingled with happiness again shining from them as he yawned tiredly, “Sweetheart,?”
“Sure, novio. Sleep, baby, I’ll be here; I’ll always be here.” Eddie responded, leaning down to kiss Buck’s forehead before he could think. Anything to keep the happiness on Buck- Evan’s face longer. And it worked; the absolute joy that shone from Evan’s eyes felt bright enough to light up the dimly lit room.
Evan yawned again, eyes sliding shut, the word pretty falling from his lips on an exhale as he fell asleep again, a smile on his face.
Hearing movement at the door, Eddie straightened from his bent-over position and fixed the blanket around Buck, tracing the bridge of his nose with a finger before sliding back into the chair. He met Peggy’s non-judgmental eyes and huffed out a breath when she handed over the blanket. “You love him a lot, don’t you?”
Not seeing the point in lying, Eddie shook out the blanket and wrapped it around his shoulders, admitting softly. “I think I fell in love with him the day I met him, even if he was an ass.”
Peggy laughed in amusement, “Sounds like a story.”
Smiling at the memory, Eddie shrugged, “Not really, just, back then, he was insecure in his placement and looked at me like I was going to replace him. I wasn’t, of course; I was brought in specifically to be his partner on the job. I wish Bobby had told him before I joined. It might have made everything go smoother. It took the removal of a grenade for Buck to accept me, and once he did…” Eddie inhaled deeply, “he was all in. I just didn’t realize what it meant at the time. I don’t think either of us did.”
Peggy dropped the stethoscope, wrote down the numbers on the clipboard, and curiously arched a brow. “Oh?”
“Yeah, I only found out officially how he felt a little over a week ago, going over paperwork with the lawyer, all because his sister is fighting my proxy.” He frowned a little, “Honestly, I’m a little bitter. That’s how I found out; it’s-. That’s not how I wanted to find out. He outed himself in a letter because he knew how she’d react, and now she’s not talking to me. Not even to acknowledge the updates, not that she was before, but-” he sighed and cut off a yawn with the back of his hand, “sorry, it’s been a long day.”
“It’s alright; I can bring a cot in.” She offered as she pulled the clipboard against her stomach, tucking the pen in a pocket.
“Nah, I’m good here.” Eddie shifted and slid down, propping his feet under the bed, “so, do you know if Natasha has gotten approval yet for me to bring in my son?”
“Yes, Dr.Hale pushed it through, it came through earlier, and it’ll be allowed once Buck has woken up and been evaluated.” She paused and bit her lip, “The next time he wakes up, please call the nurse’s desk; we need to record as many observations as possible before he falls asleep again.“
Nodding, Eddie threaded his hand through the bars and retook Buck’s hand, and offered an apology, “I’m sorry, I just-”
“No, don’t apologize; I understand. The first time can be overwhelming, but did you notice anything?”
Shrugging, Eddie shifted before reaching under his ass and removing his wallet, “Not really, it was mostly one-word sentences in a combination of English and Spanish.” He thought for a minute with a furrowed brow, “though now that I think about it, he had an aversion to his nickname. Which was odd because he normally avoids his legal name.”
Peggy pulled out her pen and made a note, “Anything else?”
“He seemed disappointed when I said he wasn’t my husband but was pretty happy when I said boyfriend; he also liked pet names,” Eddie admitted softly and sighed again. That’s all he seemed to do these days, “I probably shouldn’t have said that, though; it’s not fair to him if he wakes up still believing that without a conversation.”
The nurse winced and offered a tiny shoulder shrug, “Can’t really be helped now, but yeah, as difficult as it might be, try not to provide answers when he asks a question.”
“I know concussion /memory protocol checks need to be done. I’ll remember.” Eddie promised to yawn again.
“Okay, you sleep; Jules will be in around six for more checks.” Peggy slipped from the room before Eddie could respond, but instead of worrying about that, he shifted again in the chair, closed his eyes, and knew nothing more until morning.
* * *
“Wow, you’re much bigger than I thought.” The voice belonged to a boy, about thirteen years old, with dirty blond curly hair and blue eyes that looked remarkably familiar, almost like he was looking at a distorted younger version of himself.
“Who are you?” He asked softly, careful to keep his voice lowered, though it didn’t appear like it would bother anyone, considering the mist covering everything.
The boy shrugged, “it doesn’t matter; it’s not like you know who you are right now; my name is not going to help.”
He looked around again, then back at the boy, brow furrowing, “Am I dead?”
The kid snorted a laugh, “Ah no.”
Still frowning, he sat up, “am I a ghost?”
The boy laughed loudly and shook his head, an exasperated expression crossing his face, “If you’re not dead, how could you be a ghost?”
“I don’t-” frustrated, he tried standing and found his legs wouldn’t, and glared at them helplessly, “So where are we?”
“How should I know this is your dream?” The kid picked up a stick they could apparently see and took a few good swings, “I wish I’d learned how to play baseball… alas.”
Still confused, he looked around, “who am I?”
The kid asked curiously, and he shook his head. “Who do you want to be?”
“I-” he shook his head, unable to answer.
The boy dropped the stick and titled his head,
“I wanted to be so many things. I was convinced at five I would be a rocket scientist, the next a veterinarian, but my mom wouldn’t let me have a pet. At one point, I thought I wanted to be a train conductor, but that quickly changed into a firefighter. It would have been so cool to drive one of the engines and play with the sirens, oh maybe I could have been a pilot and flown a plane.” He shrugged and grinned, “it doesn’t matter, though; I’ve been able to watch you, and you’ve done a lot of cool stuff, sometimes more than I thought possible.”
That felt like news, so he straightened curiously, “I have?”
“Sure, you’ve driven across pretty much the entire country, lived in a lot of different states, worked odd jobs, made-”
“What type of jobs?” He felt bad for cutting the kid off, but none of the first parts sounded familiar; driving across the country sounded tedious and dull; the only exciting aspect would be seeing new places.
The kid squinted and thought, “Um… you did a lot of bartending, got really good at it, too, and even created a drink in New Orleans that they still use today called the Speckled Voodoo. Natives and tourists love it, all swirling colours giving it the right vibe for mystery.”
The kid didn’t seem bothered by his blank look and continued, “Let’s see what else you have done; you did one stint of road construction but found it dull and boring, so you switched to houses and designed your dream house by the end of that six-week job – though you’ve modified it multiple times over the years. No one else knows; I feel special being that one other person who knows you secretly designed houses on graph paper.”
A glare formed on his brow, and he shot the kid a look, “Okay, first off, if this is a dream, why would me not remembering who I am, prevent me from knowing your name? I can’t keep calling you ‘kid’ because I feel ridiculous doing so, also secondly, how can you say you’re special? Technically you’re apparently my imagination.”
The sunny smile – the one that said I tricked the adult – that spread across the kid’s face made him feel two inches tall, “does that mean you’re arguing with yourself then?” Though he laughed and offered a sheepish grin, “You can call me Danny; if mom knew it would piss her off, it’d be great and totally epic.”
Rolling his eyes, he couldn’t help but snort, “Great, you’re a 90s baby.”
Danny frowned, “No, I’m not, but you are, remember? This is your dream.”
Flopping back on the ground, he covered his eyes, “Then Danny, again, if this is my dream, what’s my name?”
Danny shrugged, crouching beside him, shoving the arm off his head, and uncovered his eyes, “can’t tell you.” He frowned and pointed, “Don’t get mad at me. I don’t make the rules. Brains are funny things.”
With a heavy sigh, he sat up again, “So what can you tell me?”
“Um… I can finish the jobs; some were amazing, like you were a ranch hand for a while, the longest stretch on your journey, and you used a horse for many of the jobs. She was also pretty, with a black and white coat and green eyes.”
“They’re called piebald pinto.” He responded automatically, “Spanish in origin, Pinto means painted, dappled, or spotted.”
Danny grinned, “her name was Pitch, named after-”
“The wild Mustang in her, she’d throw you if annoyed.” He finished, eyes rounding as the memory popped into his head, “She had feathered hooves. The owner suspected she might have had some gypsy vanner, but they weren’t sure because she was a rescue.” He frowned in concentration, “I left because a noob took her own during a lightning storm, and she startled badly and broke a leg and had to be put down.”
Danny sat beside him sadly, “Yeah, that was a bad day; it was also the first time you ever came close to hitting someone.” The kid frowned and glanced up at him, “You didn’t, though; they deserved it; why not?”
Swallowing uncomfortably, he shrugged, “I’ve always been big; by the time I was fifteen, I was already 6ft, and the only thing my parents would let me do in terms of sports was running, though dad put me in martial arts, even if it was to get them out of their hair. I used to use the weight room at the school, and one of the teachers had a fit when he saw what I was doing and ended up coaching me “unofficially” as he was terrified I would injure myself. His first lesson, though, was to never use my size to “lord” over others; I could use it. It’s a deterrent, but I should never use it to intimidate someone physically.”
A snort of disbelief echoed from Danny, and the kid shook his head, “Sounds like bullshit mixed up with good intentions. It’s not supposed to prevent you from defending yourself.”
“I don’t do that.” He protested heatedly, flushing when the kid just raised a brow.
“You got cold-clocked last year and did nothing to defend or retaliate, the bastard could have broken your orbital bone or done even more damage, and you played it off like you deserved it.”
There was a pout mingled with heat in the kid’s tone, showing he was angry. It made him flush again and avert his gaze, but what made it even stranger was the kid knew the correct medical terms, reminiscent of another memory flashing through his mind of brown eyes bright and lit with worry, “Enough people say you deserve something you start to believe it, and hitting back would have made everything worse.” He finished sadly, reached down and ran his hand through the grass that appeared underneath him.
“It might have, but for who? You or for him. It would have been self-defence in your case, and in his case, it was assault.”
Unable to protest the truth, he ducked his head and shrugged, “It doesn’t matter anymore; it’s in the past; he forgave me.”
A little inhuman growl escaped the kid, the effect felt in the ground, and it made him glance up startled, “You know, for being my own imagination, you’re awfully creepy.”
The kid grinned happily at the description and cocked his head, “You tried out for the Seals; that was the ‘longest’ job you dropped out after Hell Week and claimed-”
“I couldn’t turn off my emotions, but in reality, I was scared by how easy it was to turn them off. I thought I was losing myself and didn’t even know who I was. Not then and apparently not now.” He finished with a halfhearted groan. “God, this is confusing. How can I know things about myself but not who I am?”
Danny took the question as non-rhetorical because he didn’t answer. Instead, he looked thoughtful, “You may not have known who you were or are now, but do you know what you were searching for?”
Not answering, he stared off into the mist and heard the soft pleading of a voice as familiar as his own echo and bounce through the fog.
Danny spoke gently and softly, “You know it’s alright to love him; you don’t have to fear your mother. She made her choices long before it mattered and has forfeited any opinions since.“
Shrugging, he shifted on the ground and scrubbed at his check as a tear fell, “doesn’t make it easier; all I’ve ever wanted was-”
“Someone to love you anyway, and ‘he’ does. God, does he love you? It’s so bright and beautiful, I’d normally be jealous, but because he loves you…. You deserve it; Him and his little boy, they’re just waiting for you to wake up.” Danny was silent for a minute before he reached up a hand and caressed the birthmark on his head, “you need to wake up and live a life you want, not what will please your parents, they’re past redemption and honestly don’t deserve it. What they’ve done to you? It is unforgivable, and one day they’ll know that.” Moving until he stood before him, Danny leaned down, brushed a kiss across the mark, and whispered, “Wake up for real this time, Evan, and say hello.”
* * *
Jules woke him unintentionally when the nurse checked Buck’s vitals, but Eddie waved him off, uncoiling from the chair by the bed. Rising to his feet, he slowly straightened his back, feeling bones and joints shift and pop as he shuffled into the bathroom.
After relieving himself, Eddie washed his hands and face, towelling it dry when he returned to the room, pausing when he saw Lou sitting in a vacant chair.
Glancing at his watch, Eddie slowly accepted the coffee and took a sip, rooting around for his sneakers and pulling them on. “You’re out and about early….” He left it open-ended, unsure if he wanted to know why the detective was there.
Lou smiled tiredly, “I haven’t slept and was here on an unrelated case. I just figured I’d pop in and check in to see how you’re both doing.”
Grunting, Eddie shoved his foot in his shoe and sighed, “Buck’s woken up briefly a few times but doesn’t stay awake long enough to get any testing done.”
Humming, Lou tilted his head, “And what about you? How are you doing, Eddie?”
The sheer care in Lou’s voice, an almost stranger, made Eddie blink. His eyes are the sting of tears, and he shrugged, “I’ll be better when he wakes up.”
Sighing, Lou sat forward, resting his elbows on his knees, “I assumed you’ve inferred that I know more than you thought, considering I was one of the people to notarize his living will, so I can tell you that Buck talked a lot.” Lou raised his gaze and met Eddie’s dead-on, “he was particularly concerned with you and your response to emotional upheaval.”
Unsure how to react, Eddie froze, eyes darting back to Buck, who always seemed to know how people would react or respond, and it just made him love him more. “I’m- I’m getting by; I have two sessions with Frank a week, only working part-time, and go to Sandbox and let Angel beat me around, and if she’s not available, Gopher or Gator do it, with Dodger referring.” Eddie fisted a hand, and raised tear-filled eyes, “right now the only thing keeping me sane for lack of a better word, is how Buck reacted when I was shot, and he owned that shit. He cared for Chris and himself and kept doing it even after knowing I would live. I’m doing it for him because he deserves me to be at my best when he wakes up.”
Hands held up defensively, Lou shook his head, “I wasn’t attacking you, Eddie.”
Deflating, Eddie sank against the chair, “I know, I’m sorry.” The two men were silent for a minute when Eddie finally spoke, “Did you know I was Buck’s POA, already?”
Lou adjusted his weight in the chair and nodded, “I wasn’t allowed to say anything though, at least not by the terms listed. It had to come from the executor, which was your aunt. Though I thought I’d given you a heads up when I sent over Buck’s personal effects from the accident.” He admitted, then laughed when Eddie flushed.
“I didn’t even question it; the whole Conner thing happened. It messed everything up.”
Lou shifted in his seat, “of that, I have no doubt. The DA has decided to proceed with charges concerning that; I expect you’ll get a call this week.” Lou let that sink in before continuing, “The DA is aware that you are busy, so they’ll take that into account, but it might be easier if you could forward your schedule, and I’ll pass it along.”
“Of course.” Eddie pulled out his phone and typed on it for a few minutes. The resulting ding from Lou’s phone made him stand with a smile.
“I’ll be in touch, but let me know if you want to box a few rounds. I haven’t been to Sandbox in an age or two.”
As Eddie let out a huff of amusement, Buck groaned on the bed, Eddie moving and dismissing Lou before the detective could react.
Leaning over Buck, Eddie curled a hand and brushed his knuckles across Buck’s jaw, “Come, cariño, wake up.”
It took forever, but slowly, Buck blinked open his blue eyes, meeting Eddie’s with a confused expression. “Safe?”
A watery chuckle escaped Eddie, and he leaned forward, pressing his head against Buck’s, “Yeah baby, I’m safe, and so are you.”
A little huff of shock exploded out of Buck, making Eddie sit up warily, taking in the stunned expression and feeling a creeping sensation crawl up his spine, but Buck grasped weakly against his hand before he could pull away completely. “You pretty.”
Feeling a blush climb his cheeks, Eddie rubbed his thumb across Buck’s nose, careful not to dislodge the cannula tube, “still not as pretty as you, Evan.”
A slow smile spread across Buck’s face, along with a blush that tinged his cheeks and travelled down his neck, his question coming out in a whisper, “My name?”
That sensation turned to dread in a flash, and Eddie swallowed, “I’m going to summon a nurse, alright? They wanted to check you over…”
He trailed off when Buck tightened his grip,
A surprising amount of strength in his hand compared to his coma-like state over the last three weeks, “stay me?”
“You want me to stay with you?” Eddie questioned cautiously, not wanting to push for answers to the rest of his questions.
Nodding, Buck nudged his nose against Eddie’s hand and pressed a kiss to it, “You safe.”
Trying to hide his worry and dread, Eddie reached over and pressed the alert button, only moving off the bed when the day nurse came bustling in.
Cindi had been difficult initially, often trying to counteract Eddie’s orders, her lips pursing each time he fought against Maddie. Still, recently, he’d noticed that she grudgingly learned to listen, though she side-eyed him every time. Thankfully for his peace of mind, Peggy followed soon after, a bright smile on her face.
“It’s good to see you awake. How are you feeling?”
Buck darted a glance at Eddie, eyes wide and pleading, before shrugging minutely. “Seepy.”
Peggy smiled gently, “I bet you’ve been healing for a time, but that’s good.” She pointed to herself, “Now my name is Peggy and that over there is Cindi; we’re going to ask you some questions, but don’t get upset if you don’t know the answers. It’s just to see how much you remember, alright?”
Cindi sniffed beside the bed and eyed Eddie, “It would be best if you leave.”
“No.” The word burst out of Buck as he weakly reached for Eddie’s hand, “Stay.”
Offering Cindi a weak smile, Eddie shifted the chair closer to the bed and let Buck take his hand, “Do you have a specific problem with that or reason I need to leave?”
Lips thinning in mild disgust, Cindi rolled her eyes, “It’s better to test the patient’s memory-”
“Eddie can stay, and you can leave Cindi. You can also expect a meeting with Jacob later.” David spoke from the door, brow furrowed, an irritated gleam in his eyes, as the woman in question stiffened before deflating and apologized softly before leaving the room without another word.
David sidestepped and waited, letting the door shut behind him as he made his way to the bed. “Sorry about that, my name is David Hale, and I’ve been one of the neurologists working with you. As Peggy said, we need to ask you some questions to understand where you are. Are you okay with that, Buck?”
Buck recoiled poutinh, and turned sad eyes towards Eddie, “Not deer.”
Clucking his tongue, Eddie shifted in the chair, caressing the back of Buck’s hand and nodded towards David, “It’s alright, just listen to the doctor. Alright?”
Still pouting, Buck jutted his chin out as he redirected his attention towards David, making David smile kindly,
“I apologize; Eddie mentioned you didn’t like the name, right?”
Only as David finished speaking did Eddie realize the doctor was treating Buck like they’d never met. He wondered briefly what David had seen in the scans because Buck had no spark of recognition in his face as his brow wrinkled in disgust, to which David nodded, “That’s alright. May I call you Evan?”
A shy smile and faint blush climbed his cheeks as he nodded.
“Alright, do you remember why you’re in the hospital?” David asked as he tossed all forms of formality out the window when he sat at the end of the bed, balancing the tablet on his lap.
Buck took a minute and licked his lips, face wrinkling a little. Eddie reached over, picked up the glass, stuck a little straw in it, and whispered, “Small sips.”
Humming happily, Buck complied, did as ordered, and offered shyly, “Ouchie.”
“Do you know what type of ouchie it was?” David questioned curiously, not put off by the childish simple one-word answers.
As Buck answered the questions, which ranged from personal to places, and events of things, it was abundantly clear by the end of the questions that Buck had no personal memories at all. And while he was terrified, he didn’t outwardly react, his hand only tightening more and more as the questions or his lack of answers continued.
Finally, David set the tablet down and titled his head consideringly, “Okay, I think that’s enough for now; what’s going to happen now is I think you need a nap, and when you wake up again, we’ll go through some of the same questions again. Evan, I want you to remember that there are no wrong answers right now; the best way I can compare it to is like a scraped knee, but this is your brain; it hurt a lot in your accident, so it will take time to heal. Tomorrow when you wake up, I will suggest more scans, and we’ll be able to make a plan from there, alright?”
A sad frown crossed Buck’s face, and his lower lip trembled, “trouble?”
“No, buddy, you’re not in trouble.” David responded firmly, “For now, I want you to lay back down after another sip of water and get some sleep, alright?”
Evan perked up, being told he wasn’t in trouble, and eagerly leaned forward to take a sip of the water Eddie held before snuggling down against the pillows. He frowned and tugged determinedly at Eddie’s hand, who jerked his gaze from David. Standing, he set the cup down and leaned over Buck, pulling the blankets up to his neck and pressing a kiss to his forehead, “When you wake up, I might not be here, but a lady named Athena will be. She’ll keep you safe, too, alright?”
“Safe?” Buck questioned with a pout and large blinking eyes.
Eddie nodded and promised. “Yeah, baby, she’s a police officer, so she’ll protect you until I can return.”
Buck yawned wide, mumbling though half asleep, “Tay. Luv you.”
Overwhelmed with countless emotions, Eddie fought the threat of tears again and brushed his lips against Buck’s forehead before whispering, “Love you too.”
Buck fell asleep quickly, exhaustion still etched on his face, even in his sleep. Eddie watched him for a minute before brushing his knuckles against the bridge of Buck’s nose, sighing internally when David cleared his throat.
Nodding tightly, Eddie silently followed David from the room, running a worried hand through his hair, mind already running through worst-case scenarios.
David just pushed him into a chair and handed over a water bottle, and sighed as he sat in front of him, “I’m not going to lie; you’d know if I did, you have enough education and experience to tell you that first run through wasn’t good.”
Feeling a shudder escape, Eddie drew in a sharp breath, hands tightening in his hair briefly. “I noticed.” Raising shining eyes, he met David’s compassionate gaze and whispered, “Out of any possible scenario, this was my worst fear.”
“I gathered.” David set the tablet on the table and leaned forward, “I won’t be able to give a full and complete diagnosis until after the scans. It is possible he’ll be fine when he wakes up again or the next day.”
“Worse case?” Eddie questioned, closing his eyes, already knowing the answer.
“It’s total.” David responded bluntly, “Buck doesn’t seem to remember anything about himself, events around him or the people.” A hand touched his knee as Eddie whimpered. Still, he couldn’t open his eyes and rapidly shook his head, “Hey, Eddie, look, I don’t pretend to understand your relationship. None of us do. Only you can answer that, but even without his actual memories, Buck ‘knows’ you on an instinctive level and feels safe.” The hand on his knee squeezed hard, making Eddie open his eyes, David’s eyes shining, “I know this isn’t what you wanted, but the best thing you can do is support him; the next week will be the most difficult. He’s going to sleep naturally and either be himself completely, minus the memory loss, or frustrated and upset; we’ll get scans in, test physical limitations, and go from there. We’ll keep his circle small and then start to open it up and introduce people one at a time; maybe – hopefully, one of them will jog his memory.”
“And if they don’t?” Eddie asked flatly.
David took a long minute to respond, “Then you need to decide what you can live with, Buck without his memories, or no Buck at all because if you can’t help him, we’ll find someone who will.”
The answer revolted Eddie so much he pushed past David and grabbed the garbage can, and wretched inside, unable even to begin contemplating life without Buck; he’d take what he could get and be happy for it.
Chapter Eight
David left him at the bathroom after making sure he was okay, or as fine as could be expected after an ultimatum like the one David presented. As much as it hurt, David was right, and Eddie already knew the answer; he’d take Buck anyway he could have him with or without his memories intact, though he expected a few other people might have issues with that.
Sighing warily, Eddie rinsed his mouth and spit into the sink, grabbing a bunch of paper towels and wiping his mouth, trying to compose some sort of paragraph to update the group chat and failing miserably.
It was an impossible situation he needed to explain, and he didn’t know where to start.
Thankfully it was a Saturday, and he wasn’t on shift until later that day and knew Buck should sleep for a little longer. So he had time to get some things done; Eddie knew he needed to grab a list of groceries had given him, go to his therapy appointment and then get a quick hour in the gym before he needed to pick up Chris. During that time, hopefully, Eddie could figure out how to explain to Chris that Buck didn’t remember him. Though he did pause outside the bathroom and pulled out his phone to at least give a heads-up to Bobby and Athena privately, he knew they’d keep it to themselves.
Leaving the hospital and driving to his local grocery store made Eddie’s heartache. He tried to smile at the greeter at the door, an older gentleman with congenital issues but was always sunny and happy.
Grabbing a cart, Eddie pulled out the list, working his way through the store, alternating between trying to ignore Buck’s voice teasing his mind as he grabbed the sugary cereal off the shelf or getting lost in the memories of arguing over ice cream flavours – though he did grab Buck’s chocolate mint and promised himself he’d have a bowl if only to prove himself right that it was horrible.
Only when he was standing at the checkout that he caught sight of the television in the corner and saw the ad for a Christmas commercial did Eddie realize the date. His heart sank, heavy and aching to the bottom of his feet as he glanced at the date on his phone?
In all honesty, He had no idea where the time had gone, he’d just been living one day at a time, to the point he could only tell you with some accuracy the day of the week, and that was mainly for Chris’s benefit and schedule. But now it was near the middle of December, and he didn’t have a single gift for Christopher beyond the one he knew had been hidden at Buck’s, not that he expected it to be there still.
An irritated clearing of a throat behind him made him jerk, and he hastily finished loading the conveyor belt, pulling the reusable bags from the bottom and offered a stilted smile to the cashier.
The young girl bit her lip and glanced up at him shyly, probably attempting to look flirty, but Eddie was too distracted to notice until she spoke softly, “I ah, notice you have been coming in with your…. Friend. I hope everything’s okay?”
Frowning, Eddie glanced up from packing and looked at her swallowing the fury that rose up and threatened to choke him, and stared her down until she shifted uncomfortably. “you mean Buck? My boyfriend. He’s doing better; he was in a serious car accident a few weeks ago.”
The woman flushed violently and quickly averted her gaze, hastily scanning the rest of his items. Pulling out his card as he finished bagging them up, he paused and looked straight at her, “I don’t begrudge your interest; just know that you shot your shot, and I’m never going to reciprocate, so let’s not go through this again.”
The girl, Wendy, mumbled out an apology and offered the receipt as he loaded the bags up, and Eddie left the store irritated, making him clench his jaw. It looked like another visit to Sandbox was in order, but only after his therapy appointment.
* * *
Dropping the groceries off at his house, he saw had tidied up before leaving a note saying she would be visiting some of her old neighbours.
He was half-thankful even if he wished to have run into her to practice what he needed to say to Chris. Instead, he had to wait until he was let into Frank’s office, barely sitting down before blurring.
“Buck has amnesia.”
A mingle look of horror and sadness crossed Frank’s face before it smoothed into the mask of professionalism he’d come to associate with the man, and he asked calmly, “I take it this is a recent development?”
Swallowing the tears again, Eddie twisted his hands on his lap and nodded vigorously, “Um yeah, he woke up briefly last night before waking fully this morning; during the routine checks when answering questions, he couldn’t answer a third of them. He also had an aversion to his nickname, which in hindsight should have tipped me off….” Eddie trailed off and felt the tears well before trailing down his cheeks.
Frank was silent a moment before reaching across and passing him the Kleenex box, “do you think it’s an aversion to his name or the way his real one has been said for years?”
Knuckling the tears off his face with a Kleenex, Eddie frowned, “I’m not sure I understand.”
Setting down his pen, Frank tilted his head and considered the statement, “I’ve never treated your friend, so I only have what you’ve provided throughout our sessions, but I have to wonder if ‘Buck’ has an aversion to his nickname in this state because he knows subconsciously it’s not his real name and was only picked to avoid the association he had with disappointment in his real name.”
Blinking, Eddie could only stare and nod jerkily, “No, that makes sense, but I don’t know the answer. I mean, it’s possible; I’ve only called him by his given name once.”
“How did he react to you? Was he scared?” Frank questioned curiously.
At that, Eddie flushed and shook his head, “No, not scared, he- um, he called me pretty and safe. And asked if I was his husband and then got sad when I said no.” He wasn’t sure if he should admit the boyfriend thing, so he kept silent, trying not to flinch under Frank’s unwavering stare.
“And how did that make you feel?” He finally asked, picking up his pen.
“Cheated.” Was the automatic response, and Eddie did flush when Frank raised his eyes, surprise written across his face.
“How so?”
Eddie shook his head, “It’s- I have loved Buck for years, but over our friendship, I’ve only questioned the intimate nature of it twice, and both times I did nothing. I even dated a woman I have no interest in, just so I could attempt to get over him, and me-” he inhaled sharply before admitting, “I kind of hate myself for it because I feel like we could have been something more, sooner if I’d had the guts to push and let go of my own past.”
“You said you called him by his given name once before today?” Frank asked and shifted in his wheelchair, “What were the circumstances around that?”
Closing his eyes, Eddie slid down the couch until he slouched completely on the cushion, “it was the day I was discharged after getting shot. He- he came to pick me up, which pissed off Ana originally because she’d wanted to, but I asked him to. I wanted to talk to him without people around. I’d spent my days in the hospital practicing my speech too. I still chickened out on the full confession.” Eddie was silent as he replayed the memories “because Evan…” echoing through his mind and pressed a finger against his eye, “I- I wanted- needed him to know that I named him Chris’s guardian in the event I didn’t survive or was incapacitated.” Eddie blinked rapidly, “there is no one else in this world that is going to love my son as much as he does and I needed Buck to know that. Evan needed to know he wasn’t alone, wasn’t expandable, and didn’t have to prove anything to us. I wanted him to know that he’d always have someone to come home to, and I feel like I failed somehow in delivering that message.”
Kindly, Frank set his pen down and folded his hands, “Did you fail to deliver the message, or did you fail to talk about it after?” When Eddie didn’t answer, Frank continued, “I think you know that answer, based on his own will and letter that you explained in your last sessions. Didn’t Buck leave everything to you? In that, didn’t he prove that he heard you and, just like you was too scared to cross that little line between safe and more?”
“Probably.” Eddie sniffed, “Where does that leave me, though? My best friend and the love of my life are apparently awake without any memories- plus, I don’t even know how to explain any of this to Christopher.”
“Where do you want it to be?” Frank questioned and sat back, waiting, watching the play of emotions on Eddie’s face.
“By his side, supporting him. David, Buck’s doctor, already had the same talk – I understand that, but is it fair to either one of us if he believes we’re more than we are? If I bring feelings into it when he doesn’t even know me?” Eddie explained and then questioned softly.
“No, you would be correct; it isn’t fair to either of you. I think in this circumstance, wait a few days to see where Buck’s memory is; it is possible, as you know, that it is temporary, but-” Frank held up a hand when Eddie opened his mouth and continued, “if it’s not, then you deal with it, one day at a time. Be honest and open, don’t lie about your relationship or past, and don’t make it bigger than it is. As for not knowing you…. Eddie, you said he already believes you’re his husband; that was his first reaction. Not terror or fear, but love. Somewhere in the abbess of Buck’s mind, he knows who you are, trust that, and trust yourself.”
Eddie repeated Frank’s words to himself and nodded, “Okay, I can try that, but what about Chris? He’s going to be heartbroken.”
“This is unfortunately true, but the same principle applies, be honest with your son and make sure he avails himself of his therapist, though be sure to give his therapist a heads up so they know what’s going on and needs to be worked on.” Frank cautioned and glanced at the time clock, “before I let you go for the day, I want to mention a concern I have if you’ll permit me?”
Startled, Eddie nodded. In all the times he’d talked with Frank, this was the first time the man had offered any outside opinion that he hadn’t made Eddie work through on his own. “I know you went to part-time shifts at the station, but I’m concerned with the level of sleep you’re getting while trying to deal with everything happening around you. I’m wondering if it might be better, at least until Buck is out of the hospital, to take family leave or work something out with Bobby to give you a longer break.” Frank explained carefully as if expecting an automatic denial.
But Eddie actually sat and thought it over and swallowed. “I’ll think you might be right. I’ll talk it over with Bobby; I have a shift overnight tonight, off tomorrow and on again. I’ll see if Bobby can arrange for that to be my last shift until Buck is given the all-clear.” He offered a wan smile at the utter shock on Frank’s face and admitted, “I realize today that Christmas is in like two and a half weeks, and I have absolutely no gifts.”
Frank chuckled and nodded, “Then I guess it’s a good thing I suggested it; it’ll give you time to muster the courage to fight the horde at the mall.”
Frank laughed again when Eddie shuttered and swore. “Fucking hell, why do I pay you again?”
Smiling, Frank reached over, hit the timer before it went off, and picked up a card with a prewritten date and a sealed envelope. “Give the envelope to your captain, it’ll help smooth the transition to not working, and I’ll see you in a week, alright? If you need me before that, please take advantage of my emergency number; I’m always available.”
Accepting the card, Eddie stood, pausing as he shifted awkwardly before blurting again, “I know technically this is your job, and you get paid to listen, but I-. I honestly would be terrified to know where I would be if I didn’t have your assistance. So thank-you. Like from the depths of my soul, thank you.” It felt like a mic drop Chimney was obsessed with performing as Eddie turned without a word and left the room, a genuine smile breaking out across his as he heard Frank sputter helplessly behind it.
* * *
Finishing his update in the truck for group chat after the gym session left him exhausted, though he did notice that everyone but Maddie and Chimney responded. So it was with some tribulation that he walked into his house after grabbing the bag full of gym and work clothes. The smells from the kitchen mingled with the scent of cinnamon, making him instantly hungry, his stomach growling madly. Following the scent and sound of laughter, Eddie dropped his duffel bag by the door and made his way to the kitchen, leaning against the door jam, just watching Chris and dance in front of the stove.
It was the most lighthearted he had seen Chris since Buck’s accident, and he hated the thought of ruining it. He took a minute to enjoy it before stepping into the room, the two people glancing at his motion. They surveyed him thoughtfully before holding out their arms, and he gratefully stepped inside, accepting the comfort they provided and inhaling Abuela’s clean Gardenias scent.
“You alright, cariño?” Abuela asked as she squeezed the side of his neck.
Nodding against her neck, Eddie lifted his head and glanced down at Chris, who had leaned back to look up at him with worry etched on his face. “Did something happen to my Bucky, Daddy?”
Feeling the familiar sting of tears at this point was almost an everyday occurrence, and he hated it, but not nearly as much as what he was about to do, but he remembered his promise and that he was going to keep, no matter how much it hurt. He also wondered again if Buck had felt like this during the shooting.
Bending down, he picked up his son, sat at the chair already pulled out, and sighed, brushing the Buck like curls from his son’s forehead. “Yeah, something happened, it’s not all good news, but it’s also not bad-bad news.”
Chris’s lower lip started trembling, but his eyes shone with happiness, and it took Eddie back for a second, “mijo?”
“Can we bring him home yet?” He asked softly, and Eddie resolved to talk with David and Natasha soon to find out if they had a timeline for discharge, but for now, he shook his head, “Not yet, soon, hopefully.”
As Chris’s face fell, Eddie smoothed his hair again and pulled him closer, “Okay, so Buck woke up today, he’s still a little disoriented and confused and answering in one or two-word answers, but he’s awake, and David is delighted with his progress.”
Perking up consideringly, Chris processed that in silence before he frowned and frowned hard. “That doesn’t sound like bad news, Daddy.”
Releasing a breath, Eddie murmured an agreement and asked softly. “you’re right, buddy; that’s not the bad news. Do you remember why the doctors put him to sleep?”
Brow still furrowed, Chris tilted his head before nodding, “You said he hit his head really hard, and his brain needed to heal.”
Nodding hastily, Eddie rubbed at his eyes, trying not to flinch, when placed a soft hand on his shoulder. “So ah, when people wake up for that type of sleep, doctors have a bunch of tests they do, including a list of questions, like your name, age, date of birth, address, current and past occupations, reason for accident… things like that.” Eddie took another breath when Chris nodded thoughtfully.
“Yeah, I’ve been researching trauma-tra-traumatic brain injuries; they also sometimes ask random questions about presidents or world situations,” Chris replied seriously, then asked softly, almost as if he expected the answer to his question. “What questions couldn’t he answer, Daddy?”
Closing his eyes at the one slot of pain, Eddie took a breath before responding as gently as possible, “Most if not all of them. Buck doesn’t remember anything, Buddy.”
When Chris opened his mouth to protest, Eddie shifted, covering Chris’s lips with a finger, “Let me finish.” When Chris gave a little jerk of his head, Eddie sighed and admitted. “Mijo, David said they’ll continue testing over the next few days; it’s always possible that he might remember, but it’s also possible he might not. Right now, it’s a waiting game, alright?”
It took a long moment for Chris to finally nod in agreement before he brightened and glanced up at Eddie, a slow smile spreading across his face, “so he’s like a real-life superhero?”
Confused, Eddie could only shake his head, not even correcting His son when the boy blew out an irritated breath and rolled his eyes, “he was Bucky for Halloween; this just makes it real, he’s a genuine Bucky Barnes, who doesn’t remember his life, and we have to help him, just like Captain America does because he’s our family.”
Amazed at the resilience that was his son, Eddie nodded quickly and felt the tears start to fall as Chris wrapped his skinny arms around his neck and held on, Abuela not commenting on either set of tears as she ran a comforting hand through the hair on both sets of heads.
* * *
After a hearty home-cooked stew, he left Chris to his steady growing and elaborate plans – that somehow had involved from telling Buck everything to his evil-like glee at the movies he could show him over again and crashed into bed. Silently accepting both Chris’s and ‘s kisses and soft reassurances that everything would be fine, needing the reminder that he had to believe it himself.
He woke groggily to his alarm and half-remembered dreams he knew not to be accurate, the sensation of firm satin skin under his fingers, a physical punch in the gut.
Trying not to feel guilty, he got himself off in the shower pulling the dream and expanding on the idea, muffling his broken cry against his fist as he spilled over his hand to the image of his best friend holding him down.
Skipping the civilian clothing, he dried himself off and dressed in a clean uniform, grabbed his phone and bag, and pressed a kiss to Abuela’s cheek and Chris’s head as they sat at the dining room table. Given the number of notes Chris had painstakingly written, the plans had evidently taken the form of a complete attack outline. He reminded them he’d be home to set up Chris for the projects he was working on Tuesday, and Carla would be there in the morning, but she showed him out the door with a wave of her hand. “Go nieto, we got this, si, Christopher?”
“Si, ” Chris grinned up at him and pointed at the paper, “Abuelita said we can test him because even if he doesn’t remember, some things might slip through, so because Buck knows the secret ingredient in her tamales, we can test him on the sly.”
Startled, Eddie looked at his grandmother and frowned, “Buck knows…” he shook his head quickly and held up a hand, “Don’t tell my mother, please.” He begged, already envisioning the jealous reaction that would spur.
Laughing, the pair waved him off, Abuela handing him a travel mug full of coffee, “Go and be safe, Eddito, we got this.”
Pressing another quick kiss to their heads, Eddie left, half tempted to stop at the hospital even though he knew he didn’t have time.
* * *
Firmly turning left at the lights instead of right, Eddie drove to the station, for once the traffic being kind and, after parking, hurried in with ten minutes to spare.
The station was unnaturally silent as he entered, and he saw all the trucks still out, except for the captain’s vehicle, so he made his way into the locker room and stowed his bag, pulling out his phone to see the group chat had exploded in his sleep.
Dreading the advance of climbing the stairs and being confronted, Eddie sank onto the bench. Browsing through the chat, pleasantly surprised and shocked at the supportive messages but no demands for immediate access. This was a relief because while he didn’t want to upset anyone, he wasn’t changing a thing to Buck’s access until given the go-ahead by David or Natasha. The two doctors were the experts, in so much as a brain doctor could be one, and he wasn’t going against medical advice, not with Buck’s wellbeing on the line.
As he finished tying his boots, he got two dings indicating messages, and he pulled up Messenger and froze at Maddie’s name in a private chat. Hovering his thumb over it, he quickly clicked on Athena’s name instead and smiled at the selfie she’d sent, along with the caption, “Mom and son eating cups of horrible jello.”
Buck sat up in bed, two cups of half-eaten orange jello in front of him and a massive grin with Athena wrapped around him in the frame with a sheen in her eyes.
As he stared at the picture, another message came in, and he scrolled down to read it, “I blame you for this; I’m eating jello, and the only thing that makes it worth it is his giggles over the way it’s moving.”
Snorting, Eddie sent back a laughing emoji when Athena continued, “Evan tried wiggling like jello and almost pitched off the bed; he forgot his leg was still in a soft cast.”
Laughing out loud, Eddie scrolled back up to the picture, thumb hovering, before he typed out a quick response, “Any good news besides that?”
“Some, he still hasn’t been able to answer any personal questions and adamantly refuses to respond to Buck like you warned, but all the other questions, he answered correctly. David is sitting down with Natasha and another colleague to get a list of questions they can date historically to see exactly what Evan last remembers, but it’s promising.”
Intrigued and curious, Eddie bit his tongue as he typed out a response, “Chris will be so disappointed, I left him at home, and he has a twenty-step plan to test Buck’s memory about movies. I foresee a lot of Disney in my future again.“
Athena laughed in response and then typed, “Oh, we gotta go. Apparently, we’re testing balance and stuff. I’ll keep you updated.”
Sending a thumbs up, Eddie leaned his elbows on his knees and tapped his phone against his head, hearing the whisper of fabric as someone sat beside him.
Glancing over, he offered Hen a smile, “Good day off?”
“Probably better than yours; Karen and I took Denny and Harry to the aquarium just to get them out of the house. May and Bobby sat with Buck until Athena arrived, sending Bobby home to sleep.” She glanced out the locker room door and admitted softly, “I’m not sure how much he got; he looked worse than you when he came in. He’s in his office going through paperwork while C is still out.”
“Bad?” Eddie asked as he straightened and set his phone down.
“Two-alarm, so not horrible but also not good. They got the call 45 minutes before their shift ended; Chimney and Lacey are stocking the extra emergency bags.” Hen took a drink of her coffee and regarded him carefully, “I know you’re not as open as Buck, but how are you holding up?”
Eddie shrugged and picked up his coffee, “good-ish?” It came out more like a question, and he winced before clarifying. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m absolutely ecstatic Buck’s woken up, and memory loss or not, I can and will deal with that. But it’s like, everything else I pushed to the side in the last few weeks has suddenly taken on a new urgency I need to clear.” He waved his phone and rolled his eyes, “Like now, I’m not sure if it’s the news, but Maddie’s finally decided to respond, and yesterday standing in the grocery store, I realized the date.” He laughed sadly, “I have zero gifts for Christmas, which is in,” he glanced at his watch and winced, “17 days, and the one gift I did have, was left at Buck’s, but I’m not sure how confident I am, that it’s still there.”
Confused, Hen glanced up and demanded. “why not?”
“Because the one time I stopped in? It was because I was called due to a flood. There were boxes with Buck’s stuff like Albert was packing up the condo. I could also tell that some stuff had already been removed compared to the number of boxes vs what was left and packed. Considering Buck and I went halves on a PS5, I’m not banking on it still being there.”
Hen winced, shutting her eyes, telling Eddie everything he needed to know, and he cursed, “Who’d he sell it to?”
“Mather’s, he was a temp on B-shift, already transferred back to his original station.” Hen admitted softly, “I’m sorry, I didn’t even think to question it. I guess-” she frowned and glanced around again, “I guess I thought that because I know of the money issues, Maddie made him sell it. I didn’t even wonder where or how he got it, figured it was one of those impulse buys.”
Snorting, Eddie picked up his phone when it dinged and sighed as he pulled up the short email from Jenni. Eddie responded and glanced at Hen, “Has Chimney said anything about the current Buck situation?”
“Honestly?” Hen asked and met his gaze unflinching.
Eddie frowned but nodded and waited while Hen seemed to gather thoughts, “I thought things had changed after your meditation, but….” She sighed and admitted sadly, “I’m starting to suspect it was an act. He’s so concerned about Maddie’s happiness that he follows her blindly because it keeps her happy.”
A bitter laugh escaped Eddie, “how’s that different from any other time?”
Hen opened her mouth wordlessly before closing it with a frown, “You know their parents are still in town?”
Shaking his head, Eddie glanced at the door, “No, but I kind-of expected them to stay; thankfully, they’ve kept their distance from the hospital.”
“Well, apparently, they gave the down payment for the house, and Chim’s taking next week off to get them fully moved in.”
Eddie’s face twisted, but Chimney bounded into the room before he could respond. Happily shoving his phone under Eddie’s face, “We got the house and move in next week; you free to help?”
In disbelief, Eddie could only stare and shake his head in disappointment; Chimney pulled the phone back and folded his arms, “What crawled up your ass?”
A harsh snort exploded out of Eddie, and he had to fight the urge to ball his fists, knowing that would be the opposite of helpful in this situation. “the fact you’re a dick isn’t enough?”
Anger flooded Chimney’s face, eyes hardening, and demanded, “What the fuck’s that mean?”
Eddie rose to his feet and glared the other man down, “One week ago, you were sitting across from me in front of a judge, listening to your girlfriend talk shit about her brother and me, and did nothing; you backed Maddie’s pointless fight over his medical proxy and then expect me to be happy you got the Buckley’s to buy you a house?”
Shrugging carelessly, Chimney glanced down at his phone, “I’m supporting Maddie because that’s what it means to be in a relationship.”
“And responding to texts or messages is still above either of you?” Eddie asked, catching the flinch.
“We’ve been busy, Maddie’s just about done cleaning out the loft, and we’re waiting on word from her lawyer about putting it up for sale. She couldn’t find any of his paperwork, so she has no idea who or if he had lawyers, and the bank is being unhelpful because they’re also refusing her copy of the POA.” He fiddled with his phone and then flashed an unconcerned smile, “Margaret and Phillip have contacted their lawyers to see if Buck used theirs, but they’re out on vacation or something, and there was a file mix-up. Honestly, it’s been a mess, but it’ll work out soon, and you’ll be free of the burden,”
Eddie met Hen’s gaze, swallowing the rage that flooded his system, and she flinched, Eddie’s eyes sliding back to Chimney’s. “Burden?”
“Well, yeah? Isn’t he? He’d constantly getting into-”
“Howard, I suggest you shut up.” Bobby spoke from the door, “Eddie take a walk with me.”
Chimney’s mouth opened and closed like a fish as Eddie slipped his phone into a pocket and moved towards the door, monitoring his tone, “Buck is not and never has been a burden. He’s the best man I know and worth twenty of you.”
At the door, he turned, uncaring of the angry flush in Chimney’s face and questioned the older man, “You said you cleaned out Buck’s loft?”
“Yeah, three days ago. Why?” The wariness in his tone told Eddie that at least Chimney had learned a hint of caution and smiled almost pleasantly. “You both know Buck is my best friend and has been my co-parent for years. Did it even occur to either of you to double-check the stuff Buck had there? Chris and I had items in that apartment; I also hid Christmas presents there. Did either of you even think to question the stuff you came across, or did you see an easy coin to make and cash in as quickly as you could?”
Chimney flushed and lowered his head, an answer provided non-verbally. Eddie sighed, “Well, I hope Mather enjoys Chris’s Christmas gift, and you used the money, but it’s really upsetting and insulting that neither of you thought, just like you both accuse Buck of doing.”
“Hey, it’s not my fault that Buck was stupid and got himself in a wreck-” Hen slapped a hand over his mouth as Bobby grabbed Eddie’s arm and physically pulled the former medic from the locker room and hauled him into the office and tossed him into a chair with a scowl, slamming the door.
Still vibrating, Eddie lifted his chin defiantly, watching in fascination as Bobby deflated, and leaned against the door.
“I’m glad you have training.”
Confused at the non-sequitur, Eddie frowned. “What?”
Bobby laughed humourlessly, “Kid, I used to box years and years ago; I know a fight stance when I see one; I had five seconds to get you out of there and save your job.”
Shrugging, Eddie picked at the string hanging from his shirt. “I’m not sure I want to thank you.”
Snorting, Bobby sat down in his chair after glancing at his phone, “I get it, but Buck will when he’s back.”
Blinking rapidly to stop the sting of tears, Eddie averted his gaze, “If he gets back, I have a meeting with David and Natasha later.”
Smiling, Bobby nodded at his phone, “I know; they cc’d me on the email.”
Pushing the paperwork he had in front of him aside, Bobby straightened, running a hand down his face. “Athena bombarding you with messages?”
“She sent a selfie with Buck and some jello,” Eddie replied, sinking into the chair.
Bobby nodded, chuckling, “Yeah, I got that too; honestly, she hates jello. I’m surprised she ate some.”
Snorting a laugh, Eddie shrugged, “Then she’s in for a long day; normally, Buck won’t eat it, but he’s been known to gorge himself on it when he’s sick and then regret it.”
Bobby laughed in agreement and shook his head before sobering. “Honestly, how was he?”
“Cap, he was only awake about 20 minutes in total; kind of hard to make an accurate assessment-”
“Don’t fuck with me, kid. You know Buck, so honest opinion?”
Raising a brow at Bobby swearing, Eddie could only shrug helplessly, “I- he was still himself, for the most part, minus the flirting, thought I was his husband, was disappointed and sad I wasn’t.”
Bobby snorted a laugh, “Eddie, Buck has always flirted with you.”
“No, he hasn’t.” Eddie denied it instantly, shaking his head and refusing to acknowledge that because it would only mean lost time, and it wasn’t something he could contemplate before the shift.
When it looked like Bobby was going to protest, Eddie pulled out the envelope Frank had given him and slid it across the desk, “Aside from the Chimney fiasco, I wanted to speak to you anyway because I need to request medical leave. Frank provided the letter backing up that I’m not in the right headspace to do my job, and I’m hopeful that Buck will be released soon-ish, which means I need to be home.”
Bobby held up his hands to stop the word vomit and nodded, “Relax, I’m not going to argue; Frank already sent in the request electronically, so that one is for your records. I just wanted to ensure you could do this shift and maybe the next one. HR is still getting the word out for subs, with captains rearranging shifts to help accommodate our needs.” Bobby offered a sad smile, “I- experiencing this all over again makes me realize how famous Buck is within the LAFD; HR is bending over backwards to accommodate us.“
Startled, Eddie sat back and blinked at Bobby, “Do you- are they-” he cut himself and shook his head, “I don’t understand.”
Bobby snorted, “Me either, but your approval came directly from Alonso’s desk, so someone, somewhere, has connections and knows more than either of us.” He sighed heavily and pushed the paper back, “I’ve also been given approval for reduced hours; I’ll be stuck here for a few more shifts because the person they want to bring in is rearranging their life. Apparently, they are a semi-retired captain.”
He finished dryly and lifted a brow with a roll of his eyes towards the door as someone knocked softly. “Come in.”
Hen stuck her head in the door, an embarrassed flush highlighting her cheeks, and offered a mumbled, “Sorry, Charlie hollered down and said the oven beeped.”
Nodding, Bobby glanced at Eddie, “You need anything- anything at all; you let me know, alright?”
Eddie nodded, feeling a surge of emotion threatening, “I will, I promise. I just- I need a minute to read an email, and I’ll be up. Can I do it here in private?”
Bobby cleared his throat, rose to his feet, and determinedly said, “I got a Shepherd’s Pie coming out of the oven; I’ll keep yours hot.”
Eddie nodded, pulled out his phone, and silently hesitated over Maddie’s name before clicking on it.
“Eddie, I don’t know if Howie has informed you or not, but our parents are still in town and trying to help me settle Buck’s accounts, we’re having issues locating any of his private documents, and I was hoping in a possible latch ditch effort that you might have some clue as to who Buck was dealing with. I can take it from there if you can provide even a hint of a suggestion.
Maddie”
Flexing his hand, Eddie slid his phone back into his pocket without answering, took a breath and left the room. He wanted food more than he wanted to deal with whatever bullshit Maddie Buckley was stirring. Because his pettiness hadn’t disappeared overnight, if Maddie could ignore his text, he could get away with ignoring hers.
Chapter Nine
Four hours in C shift was still out, and it was as if someone had jinxed the entire station, which unfortunately affected C shift more than A, at least at first. C shift had been fighting a two-alarm fire that turned into a three-alarm. In contrast, the A shift had started setting up supplies for restocking and started the duty roster that the C shift hadn’t had time to complete before moving onto the lists they were responsible for.
Bobby came out of the office and ordered the five of them into turnouts, “dispatch radio in a private call doesn’t appear critical, but they are concerned and requested a wellness check; an officer will meet us there.”
“Why turnouts?” Not seeming phased by the semi-altercation earlier, Chimney frowned as asked in confusion but still complied, struggling into the pants and boots. Eddie didn’t bother responding. He just jumped into gear and jumped into the driver’s seat, missing Bobby’s response and the wide-eyed glances he received from Ravi.
It wasn’t until he waited for everyone to buckle up that he noticed the quiet and darted a glance in the rearview mirror before looking at Bobby, “What’s wrong? Why’s everyone looking at me like that?”
Bobby looked uncomfortable, and Chim like he’d swallowed a live frog, Ravi just shook his head, so it was left to Hen to answer, voice hesitant and remarkably gentle, “You never drive, and if you do, you do it because you lost the Rochambeau.”
It was interesting at the name for paper-rock-scissors that every person in the truck went glossy-eyed, making Eddie miss Buck even more. It was his fault for that; they’d spent over six hours arguing it one shift, with Buck winning in the end. The memory made Eddie smile sadly, then clear his throat and shrug. “What’s the address?”
The four other shift members looked at him, and he rolled his eyes, hoping it prevented the tears and pleaded softly, “Just let me have this, please.”
After consideration, Bobby nodded and rattled off the address, and Eddie pulled out of the parking lot.
Driving around in the captain’s vehicle was interesting, to say the least. It was the most exciting shift Eddie had in a long time. They responded to mostly wellness checks or medical, deciding whether an ambulance needed to be called before they finally got directed to take over watching for hotspots and cleanup for the fire C shift was on.
They suited up at the scene and proceeded to tag out station members, directing them to the captain’s truck, where they had left coffee and a massive box of doughnuts. Hen and Chimney teamed up like usual, and it was bittersweet when Bobby tagged behind Eddie, the sensation the same as Buck based on size, but that was where the similarities ended. Which wasn’t bad, but it made him miss the comforting bump of shoulders when it was glaringly obvious it wasn’t coming.
Shoving the shiver of foreboding aside, refusing to dwell on the superstitious association, Eddie climbed the ladder, making his way onto the roof, carefully testing each footstep, and focusing on the job. And if he made a silent prayer to a god Eddie wasn’t sure he believed in, that was between him and the big guy up there; he was going home to his son safely, come hell or high water.
* * *
If it was a higher power giving him a break, Eddie didn’t question it as he waved bye to the station the next night. Driving to the hospital, he grabbed a tray of hot chocolates and went up to the ICU, detouring to head towards the offices he knew the doctors on duty used.
Both David and Natasha perked up when he knocked on the door, David eagerly reaching out and accepting the cup with an appreciative hum as he took a sip.
“Your exhaustion has nothing to do with Buck, right?”
“Right.” Natasha took the cup and slouched against the chair with her eyes closed. “There was a wreck on the 101, and then something happened at LA General, so everything got diverted here. A bunch of people got called in early, and David was here for a consultation with someone else when he got roped into helping in emerg. It’s been a bit of a clusterfuck today.” She held up a folder and smiled, “though we did get Buck up for scans, and this is the results. We can give full details with all the medical terms or the simple.”
“Simple, please; our shift was just as weird; over half of it was spent responding to welfare checks and medical calls in the captain’s truck because C shift ran over.” Eddie sank on a chair across from them and yawned, which triggered a round or two of yawning, all too tired to laugh.
“Okay, simply put. The scans come back fine. There is no outward reason for Buck’s memory loss, which seems centred around interpersonal subjects. We did have a slight miscommunication near the beginning of the testing because his speech is still slurred, and he’s been restricted to short words, but once we gave him an electric device so he could type his responses, we got somewhere pretty quickly. Buck can reference and accurately answer questions on a wide range of subjects; the most recent thing we were able to date would have been September of this year which related to Hurricane Ian; he doesn’t seem to understand the significance, but talking with Athena you guys where on potential back up for FEMA,” Natasha glanced down at her notes with a frown, “apparently Buck is certified for CA-TF1.”
Nodding, Eddie swallowed his mouthful of hot chocolate, “Yeah, we’re both on backup for the 56, while we won’t be sent out of state unless it’s severe we get shuttled over to their A shift. We did it over the summer while Chris was away at summer camp.”
“Ah, that would make sense.” She made a note on the page and then raised her brow, “Another thing he fixated on was picking up a package at 11041 Vanowen St; he kept insisting it had to be picked up so it wasn’t late.”
Closing his eyes, Eddie sighed sadly and tiredly, “It was our Halloween costumes, our son planned a trio set, and Buck ordered it for him.”
A grin crossed David’s face at the information, and they leaned forward, “So, how did you end up as Captain America?”
“Dios Mois, not you too. Isn’t it obvious?” Eddie complained, with a roll of his eyes, then cracked a smile admitting, “I was outvoted; we already have one Buck; it didn’t make sense to have two running around.”
Natasha laughed deep and rich for a good minute before continuing, “We did a balance test, and he was having some minor issues with that, but we took into account his still cast leg; tomorrow, we’ll take him in for X-rays and determine if he can have it removed, he also has an appointment with a physiotherapist and speech pathologist later this week. We also want to do the core group’s first introductions here in the hospital.”
Nodding as if accepting that, Eddie glanced at his watch, “So I can bring my son in tomorrow?”
“Yes, you can bring Chris in,” David stated as he finished his drink and tossed it in the garbage can.
Eddie nodded and rose, slowly stretching his back, “I’m going to go pop in and see him before I head home. You guys have a good night, and I’ll see one of you tomorrow.”
“Night, Eddie.”
* * *
Eddie moved down the hall, a sense of anticipation hurrying his steps the closer he got to Buck’s room.
Knocking on the half-open door, Eddie pushed it open, the sound of the tv filling the room, the light bouncing and reflecting off the walls.
Buck lay propped up in the bed, eyes flicking to his before a huge grin broke out across his face, and he held out his arms excitedly, “Eds.”
It didn’t matter if Buck didn’t currently know who he was or who Eddie was; Eddie stopped short of running across the room but still fell into the hug, the relief that hit him instantly as he curled his arms around Buck’s neck and inhaled his clean scent, indicating he’d at least had a semi-decent scrub down.
Eddie wouldn’t have been able to tell you what triggered it or if it was all three things. But feeling Buck pull him into his embrace and nuzzle his skin, breath hot against his neck, or the lips that dragged like fire across his skin as Buck whispered. “Missed you.”
It was like the catalyst cracked, and Eddie shuttered and whimpered, tears falling hot and heavy against the hospital gown; voice hoarse; he responded lowly, “Dios, I’ve missed you too.”
If pressed, Eddie would never be able to say how long they cling to each other accurately; it was only the rattle of an orderly pushing a cart down the hall that broke them apart, though Eddie didn’t move far, listening to Buck’s silent pull to crawl onto the bed with him, the two of them curling up on the bed facing each other.
They gazed at one another for the next few minutes before Buck parted his lips and whispered slowly, making sure his words didn’t slur, “You firefighter?”
Nodding, Eddie shifted his arm to prop up his head, refusing to accept Buck’s minuscule support, and resolved to bring in extra pillows from the house and a bag of his stuff. “Did you know that, or did someone tell you?”
“I was sad you weren’t here, Mama told me.” Buck pouted adorably, and Eddie smiled, “I don’t remember me, which weird, but you….” Buck didn’t move, but his eyes caught and held Eddie captive, “you so safe.” Buck was silent for a minute, eyes tracing Eddie’s face before he licked his lips and admitted sadly, “Mama said you not , but should be. Tell me?”
It took a few minutes for the words to process, and Eddie felt a flush climb his cheeks, “I don’t even know where to start, Evan.”
Buck frowned and chewed on his bottom lip, forcing Eddie to move his hand to make Buck stop and remove it before it drove him to do something he wasn’t sure he’d regret.
“Who lie? You or Mama?” Buck finally asked after releasing his lip.
Eddie sighed and closed his eyes, “neither of us lied. I’ve wanted to be your for years, but it’s something we never discussed.”
“Why?” Buck questioned curiously, head lifting slightly.
Eddie rolled onto his back, double-checking no wires were in the way, and stared at the ceiling. “It’s- it’s-” Eddie sighed again and turned his head to look at Buck, “I want to answer every single question you have, but I can’t answer them either. At least not yet.” Eddie reached out, smoothed the furrow on Buck’s brow, and offered a soft smile, “You remember David?”
Buck nodded slowly, eyes still sad, “doctor?”
“Yeah, he’s your doctor, he wants to do a few more tests with you this week, but if we give you the answers beforehand, they can’t get an accurate diagnosis, and we want them to have the best possible diagnosis, right baby?”
Eddie had no idea how a 6”2 giant of a man could preen and appear flustered while lying in a hospital smock, but Buck pulled it off flawlessly. Their eyes shone, and cheeks turned a rosy red, even as he wriggled in the bed, though a yawn cut into the adorableness that it was. “Mama said I had to follow David’s ins-ins- orders.” He leaned forward suddenly and whispered like it was a secret, “She also told me I’m meeting two persons.” Buck pouted and continued without Eddie’s prompting, “Said was a gift.”
It took a second for Eddie to translate that, and he grinned, “You mean surprise?”
Buck’s blue eyes widened, and he nodded vigorously, “Yeah, you’re smart.”
“Sweetheart, next to you, I’m a phone book; you’re brilliant and amazing; right now, your big brain is bruised and sore, so we need it to heal,” Eddie replied, thinking of all the things he’d already known and had then learned about Buck.
When Buck yawned again, Eddie glanced at his watch and winced at the time, “I think someone needs their beauty sleep, which means I need to go home too.”
Buck made grabby hands but then froze, a hint of embarrassment crossing and then staying on his face, “allowed to hug, even if no ?”
Pulling Buck into his arms, Eddie whispered brokenly, half desperation, half prayer. “Evan, I’m going against David’s instructions for half a second, okay?”
Buck nodded from where it rested on Eddie’s chest, and Eddie inhaled at how instinctively Buck curled around his body. “I need you to know, no matter what happens in the future, I’m yours and have been for a very long time, so with or without your memory, you can have all my hugs forever.”
Eddie desperately wanted to add kisses to that sentence, but he’d wait; Eddie meant it when he said he’d take Buck with or without his memories but didn’t want their first kiss in the hospital.
He almost regretted that when he got home and curled up in his empty bed, snuggling the smuggled pillow from Buck’s bed that smelt like both. The dreams more than made up for the missed opportunity, at least for now; though it felt like it was adding more fuel to a slow-burning fire, he couldn’t wait to bring Buck home.
* * *
Eddie woke the following day, disoriented, trying to parse the dreams from reality, the rapid fire of angry Spanish not helping his confusion. He startled hard when a hand touched his face in the pre-dawn light and jerked back, Chris quickly rushing out an apology. “Sorry, Daddy, I didn’t want to wake you, but Grandma and Grandma are here.”
Blinking, Eddie lay there for a minute, waiting for his body to catch up to Chris’s words before he sat up in a rush, eyes falling on the alarm clock by the bed.
With a groan of annoyance, Eddie flopped back on the bed, pulling Chris with him. “Okay, you go back to sleep, mijo. I’ll go wrangle your grandparents, or at least what’s left of them; by the sounds, Abuela is about one word away from grabbing her wooden spoon.”
Chris giggled and halfheartedly helped his dad wrap the covers around him, stealing Buck’s pillow with a sigh of happiness and fell back asleep. Eddie lay there another minute gazing at his son in the light that had started to peek through the blackout blinds before rolling over with a huff and leaving the room, pulling the door half-closed behind him.
Stumbling down the hall, he saw the neat line of suitcases, his irritation growing as he followed the whispered argument into the kitchen, grateful at least that Abuela had managed to get them as far away from the bedrooms as possible.
Opening the kitchen door, Eddie stepped inside and firmly slid it shut, glaring at his parents, who stood on the opposite side of the kitchen facing off against Abuela, who was in front of the fridge as if guarding it with her life.
Eddie pointed at the clock on the wall and spit angrily, “It’s barely five am; what sane person barges uninvited into someone else’s home this early? What in the hell are you two doing here?”
Helena Diaz gasped, “You’re our son; we’re allowed to visit.”
“Sure.” Eddie agreed, “I might be your son, but I’m still an adult who pays bills on this house to which you contribute nothing too; you’re also uninvited after I specifically asked for space, so again, what the hell are you doing here?”
“It’s Christmas.” Helena pleaded gently, gesturing around the kitchen and then waving to the living room, “It’s Christmas, and you’ve done absolutely nothing to decorate for Christopher; we decided because your father’s not working, it’d be a nice surprise.”
“A nice surprise for who?” Eddie demanded warily and folded his arms, raising an unimpressed brow, “A surprise implies that we’d be happy with this development, but I can assure you I’m the opposite.” He held up a palm when his dad opened his mouth, and Eddie bit back a snarl, “No, again, this is my house, and I can say what I want. You have no right to come into my home, wake us up, and demand our attention or expect our excitement when we clearly had no intention of inviting you because if we had, it would be a ‘planned’ visit.”
“Christopher will want to see us and be excited to see too,” Helena replied waspishly, face reddening in anger.
It was like time froze as Eddie stood there, and the reason for their sudden visit made sense, and he felt anger course through his system. “Is this visit because Chris doesn’t want to talk to you?”
Helena flushed even darker, and Eddie swore, the word echoed a second later by Abuela, much to his satisfaction when his mother went slack-jawed at the double insult. “Chris will not be happy to see you. At all. You’re mistaken in believing you know my son, and it will ruin whatever relationship you have left with him; it’s already ruining whatever we have. You disregard and ignore my son’s feelings and then get offended when he’s upset with you. And when I call you to task on an agreement we made last year, you pout and twist until the narrative fits your perspective. Well, not today, Mom. None of us here have time to play your games, we have things to do and people to see, so I suggest you go find a hotel, and if we’re not busy later this week, I’ll think about having you over for supper.”
Helena stood there frozen, eyes wide and unblinking before the words penetrated, “A hotel? A week? You’ve got to be kidding, Edmundo; how will we afford a hotel for a week at Christmas? We travelled all this way-”
“Don’t care.” Eddie cut her off and shrugged as she gasped, eyes filling with tears. “Unless you want to explain why Chris refuses to talk to you or why you didn’t pass along the message that Chris called, and we wanted to talk to Abuela.”
“She said I shouldn’t be sad that your “co-worker” was injured, and if I was, it was an impractical attachment because he’s just going to leave anyway,” Chris stated furiously as he slammed the door open, wavering as he balanced on two feet. “You were mean, selfish and jealous because I wanted to talk to Abuela or Grandpa, and you said I had to talk to you because men can’t understand sensitive emotions. You said my Bucky was just a friend of my dad’s and meant nothing to me, and it was wrong for Daddy to foster a false emotion.”
Stunned, Eddie could only stare at the enormous tears that fell down his son’s cheeks before he sprung into action, scooping up Chris into his arms, and whirled to face his parents’ shocked and embarrassed expressions. It took a minute for the words trapped in his throat to become free, and when they did, he watched the blood drain from their faces. “Evan Buckley isn’t just my co-worker; he’s been my best friend for four and half years; Evan is Chris’s guardian should anything happen to me and my medical proxy and power of attorney and has been for two of those years. He’s also my co-parent, and we both make decisions concerning Christopher; he’s literally our everything. So you can kick and stomp your feet like children, but you can get the fuck out of my house and go back to Texas because nothing you do is ever going to change my mind on that, and you had better get used to it and accept it fast because I have plans on marrying that man.”
The silence stretched across the kitchen, the tension rising so high any move could snap it, making Eddie take a breath and then another, ignoring the tears that fell from his mother’s eyes, left the room. He needed a moment to calm down and collect his thoughts. He stumbled, tripping into the bedroom, the comforter unseen on the floor, managing to land with a thump on his back that elected a tired giggle from Chris. “Should I be sorry I lost my temper, Daddy?”
“Never. Not over that, your grandmother, unfortunately, has a very selfish and narrow-minded view of her world and never bothers to take outside things into consideration. She is in the wrong here, and she knows it; what’s upset her is being called on it in front of other people.”
Chris pushed up on Eddie’s chest to peer down at his father, a little frown on his face. “Why?”
Releasing a sigh, Eddie flipped them over so Chris was back on Buck’s side. “Honestly, I think she’s embarrassed, she’s always been able to pull the wool over Dad’s eyes and get him to believe whatever version of events she tells him, and he lets her get away with it because no one ever tells him otherwise with her there.”
“What about Abuela? She doesn’t believe grandma’s stories.” Chris questioned, making Eddie chuckle.
“No, she doesn’t, but that is a question you can ask her later; I know better than to provide an answer for her.” Eddie sat up, picked up the comforter, and laid it over Chris. “Now, this time, stay here. I’m going to make sure they leave, and then we’ll have breakfast, and I’ll tell you our plans for the day, alright?”
Nodding, Chris yawned into the pillow again and pulled the blanket over his head, “Hurry back, and we can sleep for a little bit longer.”
Smiling, Eddie shook his head and left the room, knowing as soon as Chris knew the plan, any idea of sleep would be nonexistent.
Entering the kitchen again, he wasn’t shocked to find his mother angrily defending herself and pointing between Abuela and his father, but he was too tired to listen to the words, past caring what she thought. When she saw him, she opened her mouth to continue the tirade, and something made him snap, “Silento. I’m done. I’ve already told you what will happen, and if you can’t accept it, then this is the end of our relationship, and you have no one to blame but yourself, Mother. You did this alone with your secrets, lies, and expectations. Now leave my house before I call the police. I have things to do today.”
Eddie wasn’t sure what to think when they silently left the room, Abuela following them back, stiff and radiating anger. She returned after ten minutes, pulled him into a hug, and rocked back and forth, knowing nothing she said could make it right, and he just forced himself to breathe.
