Reading Time: 146 Minutes

Title: Broken Around The Edges
Author: Meri
Fandom: Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, Star Trek: The Original Series.
Genre: Drama, First Time, Romance, Slash
Relationship(s): Dr. Leonard McCoy/Captain Christopher Pike
Content Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Dubious consent & Alien sex pollen. Please see master post for additional information.
Beta: Many thanks to my betas CordeliaV and Grammarly and Microsoft Read Aloud.
Word Count: 86,550
Summary: What starts as a one-night stand for Cadet/Doctor Leonard McCoy and Captain Christopher Pike, ends up becoming something so much more than they could have ever imagined. Their lives together take some strange and wonderful (and sometimes not so wonderful) turns as they navigate through Starfleet, their family and friends, and their service on the Enterprise. Through it all, they know fate is something that won’t be denied. But maybe, just maybe, with enough hard work, it can be fixed after the fact.
Artist: Saydria Wolfe

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Chapter Eleven – Captain Pike

Five Months Later

Chris was relieved that the restaurant was quiet, and the clientele didn’t look like they would cause trouble. While not overly elegant, there were tablecloths on the tables and nice plates and cutlery from several worlds. And the food was supposed to be good. And by that he meant non-replicated.

He’d wanted someplace casual where he could get a meal and have a few drinks with Bob April. The Enterprise was at a starbase, and Bob was here in route to a conference. It seemed like a good chance to catch up with him.

“Bob,” Chris stood as he saw Admiral April come through the doorway. “Thanks for meeting me.”

Bob sat down at the table. “You said you needed some advice. That’s what I’m here for.”

Chris sat as well. “This is more off the record than on it.”

“We’re old friends. What can I help you with,” Bob said.

This was going to be harder than he thought. He was surprisingly reticent about talking to anyone about Len. Chris cleared his throat. “So, when I was XO with you and Sarah, I’d always thought you’d managed to find an equilibrium between being her commanding officer and being her husband.”

Bob nodded. “It’s a balancing act. Are you and Len having some issues with that?”

When Chris just nodded, he went on, “I would have thought since he was in medical it would be easier than it was with having her as my chief engineer. She routinely went on away missions, as many times with you as XO as with me as Captain. But when it was both me and Sarah, I’ll admit, it was more complicated.”

“Exactly. He goes on the medical away missions, and mostly I don’t. Doctor M’Benga mostly accompanies me on diplomatic missions. But last week, he came pretty close to insubordination when he didn’t think I should be piloting the shuttle so that we could get a better look at an anomaly we were faced with.”

“Why did you think you were the best person?”

“I was a test pilot, remember? I’m good at it.” He didn’t get the chance to do that kind of thing often enough. And sometimes he just liked doing the actual work. “And I like to fly when I can get away with it.”

“I’m sure you do. There was no one else who could have gone?”

Yes, other people could have done it. He knew that. But, “sometimes, I like to get out and do some of the dirty work. It’s good for the crew to know that I’m competent.”

Bob laughed at that. “I’m sure they know that already.”

“For many of them, it’s mostly on paper.”

“Back to Doctor McCoy. He argued with you?”

Chris let out a sigh. “I had to order him to stand down.”

“Which he did not take well,” Bob guessed.

“That would be an understatement.”

“Cold shoulder in your quarters?”

“More like, not speaking to me at all. Which admittedly, isn’t that hard since he and I are on different shifts.” And that was a pain. But Len was the lowest person on the medical roster, he got the worst shifts. Both of them agreed that it would just have to be that way for a while. There could be no special favors.

“I don’t need to point out that he was worried about you?” Bob said.

“No. I do understand that,” Chris said. “It’s partly how busy we’ve been. And partly that I haven’t forced the issue before this.”

“Because he is medical which has its own chain of command?” Bob asked. But he looked concerned.

And Chris was as well. He realized, rather belatedly, not forcing the issue was a mistake on his part. “We don’t see that much of each other while we’re working. But what did you and Sarah do?”

Bob looked down at the table, and then, back up at Chris. He cleared his throat. “We found ways to equalize things. I can’t tell you what’s going to work with you and Len, but Sarah needed to feel like she was in control of some aspects of our life.”

“Yes. I’m sure that’s true for Len as well. But even with the distance and the separate shifts, the command issue has to be addressed,” Chris said.

“You and Len need to work that out between you. Sarah never overstepped her place in the chain of command. But she was never more than one or two ranks below me. And we had been married for years before I ever became her captain.”

“All of which is not true with Len and me. Given who he is, I am not sure he’s going to be able to accept my authority.” Chris was afraid of what that might mean.

“He will have to. And if he loves you as much as I think he does, then he’ll figure out a way.”

Chris was just not that sure. Not that Len didn’t love him enough, he knew that Len did. “He doesn’t see me as his captain. I’ve always been his partner, first.”

“You need to make him understand. It might be that no one has ever pointed this out to him before,” Bob said.

Oh. He wanted to say that wasn’t possible. But really, it was all too likely. Chris exhaled slowly. “Yes. I guess I will.”

Bob picked up the menu and studied it for a moment, then put it down. “Are you going to be okay with doing this?”

That wasn’t going to be the issue, Chris knew that. “Oh, I’ll do it. I’m just not going to like the consequences if he can’t accept it.” Chris picked up the menu. “We should think about ordering some dinner.”

“You’ll probably be promoted off the Enterprise once you finish out the five-year mission,” Bob said.

“I’m aware. And he’s going to come with me.” At least, if this is resolved acceptably. But Chris couldn’t think about an unacceptable resolution yet.

Bob snickered. “We are all aware of that. And when are you getting married?”

“I don’t know. We talked about letting his mother plan something for this summer.”

“You really want to do that?” Bob sounded surprised. But he didn’t know Len’s family.

“Elenora’s wonderful. Len’s whole family is,” Chris said. Except his ex-wife. Who was not doing as badly since she had gotten some therapy and was in the process of actually dealing with the things in her life that she didn’t like. Still, she was never not going to be a nightmare.

“Did you hear that Batel finally accepted a promotion?”

“She sent me a comm. I’m happy for her. I think she was done with space exploration.” They’d ended up even better friends once they had stopped trying to be more than that.

“What about you?”

“I’m not done with it yet. But at some point, it is going to be done with me.” And he wasn’t going to think about that now. “We should order,” he said, picking up the menu again.

*****

Chris waited until they’d left the starbase and had gotten underway toward their next assignment before he was ready to tackle Len. He stood in the doorway of Len’s small office. Part of him wondered if he shouldn’t have called Len to his ready room to drive home the point. But that would probably just exacerbate the situation. He’d give Len the home field as it were.

“Are you ready to talk about this?” Chris asked as he came fully into the office and the door slid closed behind him.

Len looked up at him, and then back down to what he was working on. “No. I am still furious about what happened before you went on your shuttle ride.”

“So am I,” Chris said, already getting annoyed with his attitude.

“You weren’t the one who got told to stand down by your lover.” Len still wasn’t looking at him. His face was going red though.

“No. I was the one who had to give you that order. And it wasn’t your lover standing you down, it was your captain. And you were perilously close to insubordination.” Chris was trying to keep a hold of his temper. “For which, I could have thrown your damn ass into the brig.”

That startled Len. His eyes flashed as he stood up. “You’d do that to me? For expressing my opinion?”

“That was more than just expressing an opinion, doctor. That was you, trying to subvert my authority in front of half a dozen crew members in the shuttle bay. How do you think that looks? Or plays out in their minds.”

Because it made them both look awful. Len for being so far over the line, and him for letting him get there unchecked.

“I thought it was stupid for you to risk yourself going out there like that. Anyone else could have done it.”

“That isn’t for you to decide –”

“The hell it isn’t. You should not be doing that kind of crap work. It’s not safe. More than that, it’s a stupid, unnecessary risk,” Len said, anger rising.

“Sometimes, I have to do things like that, take risks that are not necessarily something a captain might do. I try to choose things that are tedious but not dangerous.”

“Why on God’s green earth would you wanna do that.” Len’s accent, which usually only became apparent when they were alone together intimately, was now extremely evident. Clearly, he was too angry or upset to control it.

“Because it reminds the crew that I’m competent. That I’ve been where they are now.”

Len still looked like he wanted to argue.

But Chris held up a hand. “You don’t get an opinion on what I do as captain. I’m sorry, but you just don’t.”

“I –”

“No. This is something you’re going to have to accept.” And there was the issue. He was not sure that Len could acknowledge his authority.

Len glared at him, and Chris could almost see his anger raging.

“And if I don’t?” Len asked.

Chris closed his eyes against the sting and then opened them to look right at Len. “Then you’re going to have to decide if you want to stay on this ship. My ship. With me.”

“Don’t you dare threaten me with somethin’ like that. I’m tryin’ to protect you from yourself,” Len’s voice rose, probably with some hurt from what Chris had just said.

But Chris couldn’t take it back. It wasn’t just his life at stake. It was everyone on the ship. If a doctor didn’t follow orders, there could only be chaos in his wake.

“It’s not your job. If I do something bad enough, the CMO and the first officer can stand me down. But you can’t. Not until you’re CMO.”

“Which doesn’t look as likely as it did when I signed on,” Len hissed.

“You’re not going to be able to accept my authority, are you?” Chris said softly, hoping it would keep the pain out of his voice. Len had never really understood his authority on the ship. And that was Chris’ own damned fault for not letting him see it until now.

“What are you sayin’ to me?” Len asked, disbelievingly. “What are you gonna do –”

“I’m not going to do anything. It’s for you to decide. Can you accept that I have the final say on everything on this ship, including the away missions you or I go on, or are you going to leave the ship?”

“Are those my only choices?” Len’s voice cracked.

“I’m afraid so.”

Len turned around. And faced the wall. He took several deep breaths. “I don’t like either of those options.”

“I’m sorry. Given the way I feel about you, you can take me to my knees with very few words. I need you to understand there is no arguing with me as captain.”

“What about you as Chris?”

“You already know the answer to that question.”

He turned back around, and tears stood out in his hazel eyes. “You’re standin’ there like this isn’t affecting you.”

Until this was resolved one way or another, there was nothing Chris would let show. “Because I have to. Because I need you to understand that this is the line. You can’t cross it and stay on my ship.”

“You’d let me go?” His voice sounded ragged with disbelief.

It felt like being stabbed in the gut. Chris was barely hanging on to his control, but he said, in what he hoped was a steady voice, “It would tear me apart. But yes. I can’t have someone as important as a doctor be as insubordinate as you were with the shuttlecraft incident.”

“All right,” Len said, sniffling. “I will try and do whatever I have to. But I can’t be silent when I know you’re wrong. I need to tell you, even if I can’t do it at the time.”

“You can say anything you want to me, in private. In our quarters. But when you’re on the bridge or anywhere that there are other crew around, you have to remember that I am the captain.”

“Even if you’re wrong,” Len asked.

And Chris reiterated, “Even if I’m wrong.”

“Fine. All right. Do I have to apologize in public or something?” Len sniffed again and ran a hand over his face.

Chris let out the breath he’d been holding and sat down heavily in the chair in front of the desk. He put his face into his hands and just breathed in and out for a moment. “No,” he finally said when he’d gotten himself under control. “Just please don’t do it again.”

“What is necessary? Now, I mean.”

He looked up at Len. Chris felt wrecked. It must have shown because one of Len’s hands was on his cheek. Len leaned down and brushed his mouth across Chris’ lips.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “When I get that angry, I have trouble with gettin’ it out or gettin’ around it. I stop thinking.”

“This wasn’t something I can give in on. It’s too important,” Chris said.

Len knelt in front of him and asked, “What now?”

He took Len’s hand and interlaced their fingers. “I think we need to set up some guidelines for dealing with each other while we’re working. It should have been easier since you’re medical. But clearly, it’s not.”

“Clearly,” Len said, dryly. “I don’t think it’s ever going to be easy.”

“Probably not,” Chris said. “But we’ll figure it out.”

*****

Len sat at his desk, with his head in his hands. Chris had just left his office, probably going back to the bridge. And later tonight Chris had the crew dinner, which Len had no intention of attending. He was not fit for company, right now.

And Len was still angry about what happened. He’d hated to see how upset Chris had looked and to know he’d been responsible for it, but it still didn’t change the fact that Chris had done something stupid. And yes, Len realized now that he should have handled it better. The bottom line for him was that Chris didn’t need to risk his life doing a menial job that anyone else could have done.

But that wasn’t the bottom line for Chris. Or possibly anyone else. Maybe he needed a second opinion. Because he was at a loss.

Right now, there wasn’t a single being on this ship he could talk to. And that was a problem, too. Chris was their captain and they loved him. Erica, Mark, and even Uhura, all but worshiped the ground he walked on. He didn’t know Spock that well, but he was probably in the same category as Erica and the rest. He had a professional relationship with Scotty, and while they had a drink now and again, mostly they talked about the device they were working on. Not M’Benga either. Though he and Chris were good friends. He was Len’s direct supervisor.

Despite working closely with her, he just wasn’t that friendly with Chapel. Since she was a civilian, she was also completely outside the command structure. Probably too far out of it for it to matter. And that was his problem.

Even having spent three years at the Academy, he’d fail to learn how to cope with a starship captain who was also his partner. Possibly soon his husband. But not if he didn’t figure out a way to deal with this.

He could only think of two other people who could help him. Phil Boyce, who was Chris’ best friend, but would understand the chain of command. And Billy-Ray. They commed much more often since he and Len had talked before his graduation. Len knew he could trust him. And he was a psychologist. Unfortunately, he was also a civilian. So, it went without saying that he had no real understanding of how Starfleet hierarchy worked.

He sent a private priority comm to Dr. Boyce and hoped he’d get back to him soon and without telling Chris.

“Doctor McCoy,” Uhura’s voice came through the comm in his office ten minutes after he’d sent the request.

“Yes, Lieutenant Uhura?”

“You’ve got a private communication coming in from Dr. Boyce.”

“Send it to my office, please. Privacy channels in place.”

“Very good, sir. Uhura out.”

He’d told her more than once that she didn’t have to call him sir. They were the same rank. But she’d never listened to him about it. Just one more thing.

“Doctor Boyce,” Len said when his image materialized on the viewscreen.

“Doctor McCoy. What can I do for you?”

“I…” God, what could he say? This wasn’t going to solve itself. He’d gotten this far, and he needed to keep going. “I was wondering if you had some time to give me some advice.”

“Of course. But isn’t Doctor M’Benga there?”

“It’s,” he swallowed hard. “It’s personal.”

Dr. Boyce’s smile turned sympathetic. “No one else to talk to?”

“Not on this ship. No. I don’t want to disillusion anyone or more likely, give them too much personal information,” Len said.

“You’re very considerate of Chris. Has he not been as considerate to you?” His tone was neutral which Len appreciated. This was hard enough without it becoming a joke.

“Let me just tell you what happened,” Len said and Dr. Boyce nodded.

Len told him about finding out about Chris’ damned fool plan to go into an anomaly because he wanted to show that he could. And how Chris had told him to stand down. And this was in front of half a dozen people in the shuttle bay. And how everyone fucking knew about it, now.

By the time he’d finished, Len was breathing hard.

“You’re still angry?” Dr. Boyce asked.

“No. Yes. Mostly, I don’t know how to deal with this,” Len said. “He is literally in charge of everyone and everything on this ship and for some reason, I never thought it would be me, too.” How did he get to this point was the real question he should be asking.

“Usually when you do your rotation, you see what being the captain is like, and you learn your place in the scheme of things. And then, you come up through the ranks. You understand the chain of command and the hierarchy. Because of who you are, you didn’t do any of that.” Dr. Boyce ran a hand over his head and sighed. “It’s as much because you’re such a skilled doctor as it is that you’re the captain’s partner. But you have a choice to make.”

“I’ve already made it,” Len said grimly. “I’m not going to leave Chris or the ship. But I need to figure out how to deal with this.” But Dr. Boyce was right. He’d simply ignored the fact that Chris was his captain as well as his partner.

“There are ways to mitigate this, but you’re going to have to accept that he is the captain, and you have to obey him on his ship. Just like anyone else does. That means, no arguing with him in public.”

Len took a breath. He knew that. At least in theory. “But it’s going to change the whole dynamic between us. Even in private.”

“You should take more control in your private life. Make the plans, and decisions on what you’re doing outside of work hours, maybe take over credits and bills, whatever it takes for you to be in control of the social and non-duty aspects of your life together. To a certain extent, as long as he’s on the ship, Chris is never quite off duty, but he’s got downtime. Make sure he takes it. That will help.”

“You’ve dealt with this before?” Len asked because Dr. Boyce sounded sure that that would work. Len wasn’t so sure.

“I was CMO for many years. There weren’t counselors on the ships. Still aren’t, but that’s another topic.” Phil looked right at him. “There are many, many married couples serving on ships together. They are not usually of the same rank. And there are plenty of married captains. Their relationships really are the hardest.”

“We’re not married.” That was a whole other thing they needed to work on. But not just yet. Or maybe, he could do some planning on that.

“For all intents and purposes, you are. I’m not sure if you realize just how big a deal it was that he asked you to marry him as he did,” Dr. Boyce said.

“I thought it was in keeping with everyone knowing everything about our relationship.” And there was a part of him that had been pleased to be asked that way. Though, just the two of them would have been nice, too.

“In a way, I think, he wanted to announce his intentions so that there would be no mistaking it. He loves you very much.”

“I know. And I feel the same. That’s why I commed you. I needed to know what to do. And I just couldn’t ask him.”

“I’m glad to help you,” Dr. Boyce said.

“Well, I only really had two choices. You and my brother by marriage.”

“Out of curiosity, why me? I am still Chris’ best friend.”

“And that was partly why. Billy-Ray — William is a civilian.” Len ran a hand over his face. “Do you have any advice on how to deal with Chris in public?”

Dr. Boyce let out a sigh. “I think you should be as formal as you can with him. Call him Captain or sir.”

Len winced at that. He’d called Chris captain sometimes, but he was just as likely to call him Chris without thinking about it.

“Any time you’re with any of the crew, show him the respect he deserves for who he is,” Dr. Boyce said.

“This is going to be harder than I thought,” Len said. It wasn’t that he didn’t respect Chris. Because God knew, he did. It just was that he was going to have to remember to be formal all the time. There would be no half-measures with this. Not if he wanted to mitigate the damage he’d already done.

“Don’t you think he deserves that respect?” Dr. Boyce asked pointedly, clearly misinterpreting what he said.

“Of course, he does.” Len realized that if he’d had this conversation sooner it would have helped a lot in avoiding the whole situation.

“Then you, of all people, should make sure he gets it. Especially from you.”

“You’re right. I wish someone had said this to me five months ago when I came on board. I can’t believe I didn’t even think about it, and no one said anything to me.” And that was a huge problem. How could he have gotten away with this for so long. “I can’t imagine what people must think of me.”

Dr. Boyce laughed, but it sounded forced. “Most people either think you’re an asshole or more likely, they thought that they couldn’t say anything to you because of who you are.”

“I would hope it’s more of the second than the first. I wonder what the fuck else I’ve missed,” Len said, putting his head in his hands.

“I wish I could tell you. But feel free to call me back if you need more advice,” he said.

“I can’t thank you enough for this, Doctor Boyce. It’s going to help.” Len was mentally going through a list of things he could take care of. “I’m going to try and make this right with Chris.”

“You’re welcome. I’ve told you before, you should just call me Phil.”

Len laughed. “Weren’t you just telling me I should be more formal?”

“Not with me, Len. I’m your friend.”

He looked at the screen. “You really are. Thank you.”

*****

Chris looked up as Len came into their shared quarters. He and Number One were just finishing cleaning up after the crew dinner.

He stood straight and said, “Good evening, Captain, Commander. I hope the dinner went well.”

“It was very nice, as always, Doctor,” Number One responded with a smile.

“I’m not going to interrupt you both. So, please excuse me.” And then he went straight into their bedroom and engaged the privacy shield screens. Because of the open design of their quarters, each shared room had its own screens so that either of them could find some privacy without disturbing the other person.

“Did that seem, I don’t know, strange to you,” he asked Number One. “I thought he wasn’t angry anymore.”

“That didn’t seem angry to me.” She put the last few things in the recycler. “That seemed… detached… formal maybe.”

“Not like Len at all.”

She shrugged. “It’s not for me to say.”

That was not the response he was expecting, especially not in the way she’d just said it. “Number One?”

“No one, including me, is going to say anything about his behavior towards you. That’s got to be on you.”

“Has someone said something to you about it that you haven’t said to me?” Because that in itself could be a problem. “You need to be able to come to me with anything. Even things like this.”

She didn’t look at him. “Let’s just say that it’s been discussed.”

“If there’s a problem, you should have brought it to my attention.”

“That’s just it, Chris. It’s your problem. No one is going to say anything to him or about him. His professional performance on this ship has been exemplary. More than that, it borders on extraordinary all the time. However, his approach towards you has been,” she paused clearly looking for a diplomatic way to put whatever it was. “It’s been casual.”

Chris closed his eyes. “And I’ve let him do it. Damage?”

“Most of the crew doesn’t know what to do with it. Every single being on this ship knows exactly how you feel about him. And they know that he feels the same way about you. They also know he’s somewhat outside the main command structure. Both of which mitigate his behavior, slightly.”

“After the shuttle incident?” Chris asked.

“As painful as that must have been for you to do it, I think that helped. It showed there was only so far you’ll let him go.”

“I thought,” he sighed. “I thought that he might not be able to accept my authority.”

She nodded and waited.

“But when I talked to him this afternoon, it seemed like he was, if not happy about it, at least going to try and work it out with me.”

“That,” she nodded towards the engaged screen, “might be the beginning of it.”

“I guess I’ll find out.”

“And I’ll see you in the morning,” she said, standing.

*****

After Number One was gone, he disengaged the screens and went into their bedroom. Len was coming out of the bathroom. He was wearing sleep pants and a T-shirt. Quite deliberately, Chris guessed, Len stood just out of reach and didn’t look at him or touch him.

“I need a shower too,” Chris said. “There are some leftovers, if you’re hungry.”

“I am. Thanks.” He went towards the kitchen.

Chris stripped down and got in. He stood under the spray and let the hot water work some of the tension out of his muscles. After the confrontation this afternoon, he’d hoped that the matter was resolved. And they could start to work toward a solution. But obviously, there was more to talk about. Since Len was here and, in his pajamas, Chris was going to believe that he hadn’t changed his mind about staying on the ship.

He’d dawdled long enough. When he came out, Len was putting his dishes in the recycler.

“I guess that I should start this,” Len said sitting down at the table. “I was still angry when you left this afternoon, and I didn’t know what to do with it.”

Chris just waited. “What did you do?” he finally asked when the silence went on too long for him.

“Put in a priority call to Phil Boyce. He got back to me almost immediately. And gave me some advice.”

That was better than what Chris had imagined. “Which was?”

“Two things, really.” Len took a deep breath. “One was to be as formal with you as possible in all public situations. Which I can do. Which I probably should have been doing from the beginning.”

That was probably true. It was as much his fault as it was Len’s. “All right. And the second?”

“To take as much control of our relationship in private as I can. Which you would have to let me do.”

“What does that mean, exactly,” Chris asked. Because although he was willing to do almost anything for Len to be able to live with this, he couldn’t go into it blind.

“I’m not even sure. Doctor Boyce suggested taking control in a social and financial context. But we’re not married yet, so there is no combined financial aspect to our relationship. I’m not even sure if you would want to do that after we got married. Or how I feel about it.”

“You should think about that,” Chris said. And there were some things that he’d need to explain about his finances, but that was for another time. “We should talk about that at some point before we get married.”

“Agreed,” Len said. “And socially, you’re more social than I am. I was thinking about planning the wedding, but really, I don’t have time. Plus, I liked the idea of giving that to my momma and letting her get on with it. Something small. Maybe next summer?”

“I’m good with that, too.”

“I can do some planning for shore leave and such. But really, you’ve got the weekly dinners, and I would rather avoid them. Maybe we could go to the Port Galley once in a while. But by the time I get back here at night, I’m usually pretty dead.”

“Me, too,” Chris said. On any given week, the crew dinner was enough social interaction for him.

“After that, the only other thing I can think of is taking control sexually. But that would be something you’d have to want. And truthfully, it would have come up before now, if it was something you did want or need.”

He’d had an occasional fantasy or two, but they weren’t necessarily something he wanted to do for real. “It’s not something I need, no. And truthfully, I have too many bad memories associated with some things for them to ever be sexy.”

Len nodded, seeming to understand that. “You know, that leads me to something else, we haven’t discussed and really should. Some of your bad memories. I feel that so much of that contributes to who you are, and I don’t know half of it.” Len met his eyes. “You’re going to have to give up some of the details.”

“Much of the worst of it is classified.” Which Chris had said many times. And it was starting to get old for both of them.

“You don’t have to tell me anything other than what happened. I do have a pretty high security clearance. And I’m your partner. I need to know how and what I’m dealing with. But that’s an argument for another day. Today, tonight, we need to figure out how to be with each other in the future.” Len put a hand on his and laced their fingers.

“So, where are we,” Chris asked. “I’m guessing the whole taking control in the bedroom isn’t going to do it for you. So, what then?”

“I don’t know. Maybe we just keep going until we find something that works for both of us.” Len kissed him.

“Are we good, now?” Chris asked. “Is there anything else?”

Len was silent for a moment. “With that, yes. But, honestly, sometimes I feel like there is so much I’ve missed along the way.”

“Like what, exactly?” Chris asked.

“Like the respect you deserved from me, from the beginning, and didn’t get because I didn’t have a fucking clue. Someone should have told me I was getting close to the line, long before I ever got there. No one said a word to me. If they had, we would never have gotten to this point.” Len took a deep breath. “That said, I still don’t think you should have gone into that anomaly. I know you’re a good pilot, but –”

He wasn’t wrong. This was how they should have discussed the issue. Privately. “I understand what you’re saying. You might not even be wrong about that –”

“But I handled it badly,” Len admitted. “And what people fail to recognize and truthfully, I simply ignore is that I am only a Lieutenant JG. I haven’t spent much time learning or understanding the way the hierarchy works in Starfleet.”

Chris knew that. At least in theory. “So, what are you saying?”

“Think about it, Chris. I spent my whole first year at the Academy traumatized by what happened to me before I got there. Add to that, I was at least ten years older than everyone else and I spent most of my time that wasn’t in class or studying, actually working at the hospital as a doctor. In my second year, I started to learn some of the information about command structures, but I wasn’t in a command track. And I was already supposed to know it. By the time I was in my third year, I was already infamous for being your partner. No one was going to say a damned thing to me about it.”

When he put it like that, it was clear where it all fell apart. “I see where you’re going with this.”

“And the thing is, no one here said I should not be as informal with you as I have been. And in a way, you encouraged it. Your senior staff calls you by your first name.”

“They do. Off-duty. I should have said something to you about it. But mostly, you are my partner, and it didn’t bother me. You’re not on the bridge that much.”

“I’m getting the feeling that it bothered a lot of other people.”

“Probably. Someone should have said something to you, if not me, then Doctor M’Benga is your direct supervisor –”

“Except he’s a doctor, and it’s the same thing as me. Plus, I don’t need actual supervision for what I do in sickbay, and he leaves me to do it,” Len said, and cleared his throat. “I’m a better surgeon than he is, and he and I both know it.”

M’Benga had said the same thing to him. Len might be lowest in rank and time-in-service, but he was an outstanding, experienced doctor, and M’Benga and Starfleet were thrilled to have him. “Do you have an idea of what you want to do about this?”

“I’m hoping it is not going to be an issue anymore. I had thought that I might go to Commander Chin-Riley about this. But really, I think it should have come from a friend. Privately,” Len said.

“Is there someone you can talk to about it?” Chris knew that Len hadn’t made a lot of friends onboard. He worked well with everyone, but between his personality, and the fact he was involved with Chris, he would need to be the one to initiate a friendship and so far, Len hadn’t.

“Erica, probably. She’s the person I’m closest to on the ship.”

That shouldn’t be a surprise, but it was. He liked Ortegas, and she was a very good pilot, but he wasn’t that close to her. Not like he was with Spock or Number One. “I didn’t realize you were that close to her.”

“She’s got that whole protector thing going on. But we actually get along very well. I think I can trust her with this. Also, for whatever reason, I’ve always been able to talk to her.”

Chris nodded. He knew that she thought of Len as her responsibility, but he wasn’t sure why. And truthfully, he liked the idea. She was more than capable in a fight. “Do you think she’ll tell you that you’re out of line in the future?”

“I hope it doesn’t come up. But I think she will. I’ll talk to her tomorrow.” Len stood and urged Chris to his feet and embraced him, holding him loosely against his body. “There is so much more we need to talk about. All the things we’ve avoided over the last five months we’ve been in the same place at the same time. And the year before that when we should have been getting to know each other and didn’t.”

“You’re right, of course. But I’m too tired right now to think anymore. Let’s just go to sleep,” Chris said, sighing into his neck and relaxing for the first time since the incident happened.

Len’s arms tightened, and he pulled back and moved his fingers through Chris’ hair, pushing it back from his face. Then leaned in to kiss him one more time, and stepped back, taking his hand. “Sleep sounds like a good idea.”

*****

“Hey, Doc,” Erica said sitting down in one of the private table spaces in the Port Galley. “Not that I’m complaining, but you don’t usually ask me here, like this.”

Truth was, he’d never asked anyone to meet him here before. Not even Chris. It had been his place to hide in plain sight. No one would bother him here.

He took a breath and squared his shoulders. “Let me just say upfront, I’m not good at this kind of thing. I don’t explain myself well.”

She tilted her head a little like she had no idea where he was going with this. Which was probably fair. “Doc?”

“I thought we were friends,” he finally said and held up his hand so that she didn’t say anything. And he could get the words out. “I have been wondering how to even approach you on this since I know how you feel about Captain Pike.”

She blinked at him. “I think maybe I know what you’re going to say. I, and probably every other being on this ship, saw what you were doing and none of us felt we could say anything about it.”

“And so, it went on longer than it should have, and I had no fucking clue how far over the line I was.”

“How could you not know? You went all the way through the Academy. They teach you this stuff,” her tone was incredulous. Like she really could not believe that he’d had no clue.

“In medical, I am mostly outside those lines of authority. No, it’s more than that. I cross all lines of authority. It’s also tied up in who I am and how I see myself,” he said.

Erica nodded for him to go on.

“I am,” he paused because it was so arrogant to say it this way, even if it was true. “I am considered by many to be an extraordinary doctor, one of the best in Starfleet. I had won awards for my research before I ever came to the Academy.”

“I actually knew that,” Erica said, thoughtfully.

“Even after having to start my life over as a cadet, which I admit, pretty much crushed my pride, I still have the confidence in myself that comes from being very good at what I do. And knowing it.” He sighed. Len didn’t think he was getting through to her. “It doesn’t matter that I’m a lieutenant, JG. I could probably walk out of Starfleet tomorrow and have ten job offers by the time I made it to the street. Probably making ten times what I’m making now. Most likely more.”

That seemed to surprise her. “Would you?”

“No. I owe Starfleet more than I can ever repay. They literally saved my life. And then there’s Chris — Captain Pike. Whom Starfleet also gave to me, but in a different way.”

Erica cleared her throat and met his eyes. “Can I ask how you ended up here? Why did you have to start your life again as a cadet? I’ve always wondered but felt like I couldn’t ask.”

She should have felt she could ask him that. But he guessed if they were going to be friends, he’d have to tell her. And so, he gave her a slightly edited version of what Jocelyn and her father had done to him. And meeting Dr. Boyce at the conference. And signing up. “So, I had to run away.”

“That wasn’t running away. That was a fight for survival,” she said. And he could hear the anger in her tone. And that warmed his heart.

“I spent my first year at the Academy dealing with the trauma from that,” Len said.

Her eyes widened. “That explains so much,” she said, softly.

Len just nodded. “Captain Pike had my back the first time I saw Jocelyn again, and it must have put the fear of God into her because she’s never tried to challenge me over my daughter again.” That was another situation that Chris read perfectly and reacted in such a way to ensure the right outcome. And Len had been beyond grateful. Looking back on it, that should have been his first clue.

“He’s good at that.” Then she tilted her head. “That’s the third-fourth time you’ve said Captain Pike, rather than referring to him as Chris, like you usually do.”

“Things have to change. I am going to address and refer to him more formally from now on.”

“Wow. I am relieved to hear that. But why now?”

“Don’t you think it’s time? Before this, it never even occurred to me. He was my partner so much more of the time than he was my commanding officer and I just ignored it.”

Her eyes got wide again. “How?”

“It’s easier than you think. I didn’t see him that often during working hours. I’ve always thought of him as my partner first and foremost. Add to that I thought, and still think, of myself as his equal,” Len said. “And going forward, I’m hoping this isn’t going to be a problem, but there could be other problems, I need to hear about it sooner rather than later. I will do the same for you.”

“Okay. I probably should have said something. Had I even thought about the why part of this, I would have. But it just seemed like you were continuing your relationship with him by always calling him Chris.”

“And he wants his senior crew to call him Chris off duty.”

“That was part of the reason no one felt they could say anything. If Captain Pike didn’t seem to have a problem with your casual attitude towards him, then who were we to say anything.”

“Right up until the point that he did have a problem with it.” Len sighed. “It’s been a tough few days. He and I have had some long talks about this.”

“I’m sorry.” She reached out and put a hand on his. “In the future, I’ll be a better friend. I will say something to you, but it seems like now that you’re aware of the problem you’re going to fix it. And if I get out of line –”

“You’re less likely to do that than I am. I know that the people on this ship are all exemplary.”

“You are no less than any of the rest of us,” Erica said and then smirked at him.

“So, we’re okay?”

“Sure, doc. We are.”

“You should call me Len.”

She looked at him and nodded slowly. “Maybe, I should.”

*****

Two Months Later

After dinner, Chris was working late in his quarters on a report that needed to be written by the captain and couldn’t be delegated to his XO. There had been weeks of back-to-back missions and generally, they had been so insanely busy that he was dead tired. It was amazing he was able to work on the damned report at all. Add to that Len had been just as busy and they’d barely seen each other.

“So, my darlin’ captain, it’s been a hard couple of weeks, hasn’t it?”

Chris looked up at him from his desk and Len was coming towards him. The look in his eyes made Chris shiver a little. He loved that look. “It has been a long few weeks, I’ll say that.”

“I do think it’s time to put that report away and relax.” Len’s hands were on his shoulders, kneading some of the tight muscles. “I think I know what you need.”

That might be just what he needed. “I’ll bet you do.”

Len leaned down and kissed him, tenderly. “I want you to go take a hot shower. Relax. I’ll join you in a few minutes.”

Chris smiled at that. Yeah, Len always knew what he needed. He leaned in and kissed Len. “That sounds good to me, too.”

A hot shower relaxed him more than he’d thought it would. He didn’t bother putting anything on after. Len was waiting for him when he got out of the bathroom.

“I have some warm massage oil. You do need to relax before we get to anything else.”

Chris lay down on his stomach and Len, still mostly dressed, straddled him. Those big hands of his were strong and kneaded deeply into his tired muscles. He worked his way down Chris’ back and over his ass, and down to his legs.

“God, you have the most amazing hands,” Chris moaned as Len massaged his feet. “I’m sure I’m in love with them.”

Len chuckled. “I do hope it’s more than just my hands, my darlin’. Turn over.”

He did and closed his eyes. “You know, if you’re too good at that, I’ll fall asleep.”

“Then you need that more than you need anything else.”

Sometimes Chris wondered what he had done to deserve this beautiful, caring man. “I needed this. Your hands on me.”

“Oh, my darlin’ captain, I am so going to put my hands on you, tonight.” And he took hold of Chris’ cock and stroked him with an oily, slick hand.

Chris moaned as he thrust up into his hand. “Oh, God.”

“Not so fast,” Len said, taking his hand away.

“Hey, I was enjoying that,” Chris complained, opening his eyes.

“I’ve got something you’re going to enjoy more.”

That got his attention. “And what would that be, my beloved?” Chris started. And that just sort of slipped out.

Len stopped and then, smiled widely. “Wow, I do love that! You can call me that any time you want.”

“How about getting back to what you were doing?” Chris was pleased he liked it, but he’d never really been good with pet names. This one might stick though, especially given how it made Len smile. “And why don’t you take off some of your clothes?”

“Maybe I’ll keep them on,” Len said, but he pulled his undershirt over his head and tossed it on the floor. “Or should I change into my dress uniform?”

Chris didn’t have patience for that right now. “It would take too long. Next time you’re in it, you can just keep it on.”

Len laughed and stood up to pull off the rest of his clothes. Damn, he was so gorgeous, all toned muscle and sleek lines. He took Chris’ breath away.

“Come back here,” Chris ordered.

“Now, roll back over, and let me do more.” Lens’ hands move down his back, and over his ass, slipping a slick finger into him.

Chris was panting by the time he was done.

Len turned him over again and lay down right on top of him.

Oh, and that did feel amazing to have him finally naked in his arms. “Mmmm,” Chris murmured. “I’ve got you now.”

“The question is what do you plan to do with me?” Len asked, smiling.

“I thought you were planning to do something to me.”

Len tightened his arms and rolled them over so that he was on the bottom. “I might make you work for it this time.”

Len kissed him, deeply, his tongue sliding into Chris’ mouth and his hands sliding into Chris’ hair. Chris shifted up and reached behind him to take Len’s cock in his hand. He positioned himself, leaning against Len’s knees, and slid down on it. They both gasped.

“One of us should move,” Len panted. “Like soon.”

Chris moved, up and down, riding him as Len held onto Chris’ hip with one hand and the other was on Chris’ cock. The pleasure was starting to crest in him, and finally, it broke, and he came hard. He slumped a little forward as Len thrust up a few more times and swore as he came.

He slid off Len and lay face down beside him, trying to catch his breath. “Damn, that was good.”

“It was,” Len agreed. “And you’re all nice and relaxed now, aren’t you? Both of us are going to sleep well.”

“I can’t argue with that,” Chris said. He felt relaxed and sated, and Len was right, he’d sleep well tonight.

Len sat up and ran a hand up and down Chris’ back. “You needed to get your head out of that report and relax. I just wanted to make sure you did.”

Chris thought about it for a minute and then smiled. “I guess you did. I needed that. Thank you.”

“That’s all the control I need. Taking care of you when you need it.” Len laughed and leaned over and kissed the back of his shoulder.

“What about me taking care of you?” Chris asked.

Len grinned at him. “You do fine with that, my darlin’. I have no complaints about your care of me. Don’t think I don’t notice what you’ve done.”

Chris leaned up and kissed him. “Anything you need, my beloved.”

“That endearment is never going to get old. You should just keep right on using it.” Len grinned widely again. “I’ve been thinking about the taking control issue we talked about a while ago. And maybe I could manage our assets and investments. I’m finding out I’m good at choosing investments and managing my assets. But that could just be having some assets again, I’m more careful with them.”

“I can understand that,” Chris said. It would be fantastic to not have to think about managing any of his investments or assets. He’d always found that tedious. “If you’re interested, I would love to turn everything I have over to you, if you wanted to manage it.”

“How much is there to manage?” There was something in Len’s tone that said, he’d heard the enthusiasm to get rid of a task Chris did not enjoy.

Chris realized this was something else they hadn’t discussed, yet. “A lot.”

“You know, when I met you that first night, I thought that you must have been well off because that house had to have cost a pretty penny given where it was.” Len huffed out a laugh. “And I never thought about it again, even after we met again on the Enterprise.”

“Um… I probably should have mentioned this earlier. But yes, I’m pretty well off. My parent’s ranch in Mojave was worth a lot. But before that, my family has always had investments.”

“You can tell me about it later,” Len said and leaned in to kiss him. “I’m ready to sleep. You?”

Chris reached down and pulled the sheets up. “Definitely. I’ll show you the account portfolio tomorrow. Computer, turn down the heat to seventy degrees. Lights to ten percent.”

The room dimmed and Len snuggled into him, laying his head on Chris’ chest. “Don’t you want to wait until we’re married?”

“No. If I’d trust you then, then I can trust you now to deal with it. You’re already listed as my next of kin.”

“I should fix that on mine so that you’re listed as my next of kin. I was waiting until we got married, but you know, you’re right, that’s not necessary.”

“Whatever you’re comfortable with,” Chris said, kissing him softly. “Good night, my beloved doctor.”

*****

Chapter Twelve – The Wedding

Three Months Later

He and Chris sat together and waited for the comm to connect. Finally, his momma’s face came into focus. “Good morning, momma,” Len said. “Sorry for the early call.”

“I’m always glad to see you both,” she said, smiling. “What is this about.”

“We wanted to ask a favor of you, Eleanora,” Chris said. “But feel free to say no, if you’re too busy.”

Len knocked his shoulder into Chris’. “We want you to plan our wedding. For this summer. Small. No more than fifteen-sixteen people.”

She smiled delightedly. “Oh, won’t that be so much fun! I would be happy to do it. Do you have a guest list? Other than that, what else do you want?”

“Small,” both Len and Chris said at the same time. And then smiled at each other.

“So, none of the cousins. Or extended family,” Eleanora said, her tone neutral.

“Who I haven’t seen in years,” Len pointed out. He wasn’t crazy about some of them.

Eleanora laughed. “You’ve seen some of them, recently.”

“Not that many. Plus, if we invite too many of them, someone will get drunk and make a scene.”

“Come on, Lenny,” she said, smiling. “Your uncle only did that once. When you were ten.”

“And it left a lasting impression on me,” Len said with a shudder. He still remembered that vividly.

Chris laughed. “What happened?”

“It was his daughter’s wedding, and he didn’t like the man she was marrying, and he got plastered and when the best man was making a toast he objected strenuously and in great detail,” Len said.

“She hasn’t talked to him in twenty-three years,” Eleanora added.

“I wouldn’t either,” Chris said, “If someone ruined my wedding.”

“For bad or good, they are still married,” Eleanora said. “But with only a hand full of people, we can only hope they will all behave. Aside from Joanna, no kids? Not even her cousins. Though, Beth’s kids are still kind of young for that.”

“Yeah. We’ll keep it small.” Chris looked at him. “Unless you want to have the kids there?”

“No. Just Joanna.” Len sighed. “I guess I’ll have to talk to Jocelyn.”

Eleanora winced a little and then said, “So, you probably hadn’t heard, but she married Charlie Parker about a month ago.”

Len drew in a breath. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. “Really? I thought he was already married.”

“He quietly divorced his wife, years ago. They never had kids, so there wasn’t much to it.”

Chris’ hand slid into his and his look was asking if he was okay with that. “I’m fine, darlin'” he whispered. To his momma, he said, “Joanna didn’t mention it.”

Eleanora shrugged. “Maybe she was waiting to tell you in person.”

“Possibly. I’ll comm Jocelyn and let her know about our wedding and that I want Joanna there.”

“I think she’ll be okay with that. She’s changed a lot since she started to work through her problems.”

“That’s good to know,” Len said. He doubted she would ever be someone he could deal with, with any kind of rational thought.

“On another subject, was there anyone special you wanted to perform the ceremony? Eleanora asked.

They looked at each other. “Can an Admiral do it?” Len asked.

Chris smiled at that. “Yes. How would you feel about Bob April?”

“I would be okay with him. I don’t know him very well. But it’s a standard ceremony.”

“Unless you’d both like to make it more personal?” Eleanora suggested.

“I don’t know. Do you want to do something like that?” Chris didn’t sound like that appealed to him much.

And it didn’t to Len either. “I’m not that crazy about the idea, but I would if you did.”

Chris shook his head. “Standard Ceremony, then. I’ll ask Bob, too.”

*****

Chris was working at his desk in his quarters when Uhura commed him. “Captain Pike, you’ve got a private transmission coming in from Admiral April, sir.”

“Thank you, Lieutenant, I’ll take it here.” Chris put it on the big screen over his desk.

Bob April appeared. “Chris, so why did I need to contact you privately after hours? Do you need more advice?”

“Actually, what you gave me turned out to work pretty well. We’re working it out.” Chris met his eyes through the screen. “What you said was right. Once he understood what he was doing, he made the adjustments needed.”

“I’m glad to hear it. And that doesn’t surprise me at all. He never struck me as someone who would deliberately be so disrespectful, especially to you,” Bob said. “But that isn’t why you commed me, is it?”

“No. I have a favor to ask of you, Bob.” Chris smiled at him. “Would you marry me and Len?”

“I thought you had an exclusive relationship –” Bob smiled widely. “Sorry. I couldn’t resist. But yes, I’d be honored to do it. When?”

“This summer. End of June. In Atlanta. It’s going to be very small.”

“You think you’re going to get away with a small wedding? How small?”

“fifteen-sixteen people.”

Bob whistled. “There are plenty of people who are going to be very annoyed not to be invited. But I guess when it’s that small, you can say it was only family. Or near enough.”

“That’s what we were thinking. Len does not want a big wedding. And if we go any bigger, we have to go all the way. So, just family and a few very close friends.”

*****

A month before the wedding

“Thanks for meeting me, Erica,” Len said, as he sat down at what had become their table in the Port Galley.

“We usually meet when Captain Pike has his weekly crew dinner. Though why you would turn down real food is beyond me.”

“It isn’t the food. I get that most nights. It’s the people.” Len sighed. “You know how I am with too many people around. Small talk is not my forte.”

She snickered. “I think it comes from being smarter than everyone else in the room.”

“Maybe. I am just not that comfortable with dealing with people, every damned week.” Len took a deep breath. “Okay. So, I need a huge favor from you.”

She tilted her head. “You know, this all started with the last big favor you asked of me.”

The consent interview. Right. “This is a kin to that.”

Her eyes widened and he could almost see her trying to figure out how.

“Not exactly. But more of a result. I want you to stand with me when the Captain and I get married next month.”

A huge grin split her face. “Seriously. Wow. I would be so honored to do that.”

Len breathed out a sigh of relief. “Thanks. I don’t have that many friends on this ship –”

“That is such a lie. You have a lot of friends. You just don’t know how to interact with them very well. All you would have to do is reach out to anyone, and they would be happy to spend time with you.”

“That is probably true,” Len said. It was the reaching out part he had the problem with. “But you’re my closest friend, here. So, you lose.” She was his closest friend anywhere. Especially, if you didn’t count family.

“Or win, as the case may be. How big is the wedding? If it’s next month, I haven’t heard –”

“It’s going to be very small. Only sixteen or so people,” Len was so relieved they had been able to keep it that small.

“For both of you, that is tiny. You could easily have two hundred people.” She made that sound like it would be a good thing.

Not the nightmare it would be to him. “And I would be so uncomfortable that I wouldn’t enjoy it at all.”

“Weddings aren’t for the grooms, they are for everyone else,” Erica said.

“My last wedding was that big. And I hated every second of it.” Len shuddered just thinking about that.

Erica nodded. “Considering how that turned out, I can see why you went with small.”

“Exactly. The captain probably should have a bigger wedding, but he knows how I feel about it. We’ll have a reception for the crew after we get back from our wedding trip.”

“That seems like a good compromise. Make everyone feel like they were invited to something with you and the captain,” she said. “Dress uniform, okay?”

“I was planning on wearing mine. So, I think so.”

“Who is handling the wedding details?” Her tone said she knew it wasn’t Chris or him.

“My momma. She is good at that kind of thing.”

“Someone has to be,” Erica said with a laugh.

*****

They got married with just Len’s family: Eleanora, Billy-Ray, and Beth. Phil stood with Chris, and Erica stood with Len. Bob April officiated the ceremony, and Joanna was the ring bearer. In addition, they invited Number One, Adriana Boyce, Sarah April, Admiral Batel, Dr. M’Benga, Spock, and T’Pring.

One of the restaurants downtown offered real food and had a sizable back room. They held their wedding there, as well as the reception dinner. There was a small dance floor and Eleanor had taken care of providing the recorded music to dance to.

After dinner, Chris was relaxed from the wine, the delicious meal, and the simple joy of being with his friends and family for the wedding. He sat back and watched his closest friends enjoying themselves.

He’d never imagined getting married. But this was perfect. And he was very amused to see Admiral Batel and Number One dancing close together, if you could call that shuffle, they were doing, dancing.

Joanna came over and sat down beside him. “Since you married my Daddy, does it mean you’re my dad now, too?” she asked, looking up at him.

He smiled at her. “Yes, it does. If that’s what you want to happen.”

She smiled back at him and nodded her head. “I do. You love my daddy so much. I want you to love me, too.”

“I do love you, Jo-Jo. I would be honored to be your dad,” Chris promised her.

“Good.” She stood and put her arms around him and hugged him tightly. “I’m going to call you Dad from now on.”

“I would like that,” Chris said, trying to swallow the lump in his throat.

She kissed his cheek and walked away.

Chris leaned back and wiped his eyes. Just like her father, she could bring him to his knees with just a few words. But those words filled his heart in a way that nothing ever had. It made him want to make the world perfect for her.

“What did she say?” Len asked.

“That she wanted me to be her dad. I told her it would be my honor.”

Len’s hand squeezed his shoulder. “Good answer.”

“The only one, really. I love her, too. I would do anything to protect her. To make sure she grows up happy and safe and strong.”

“I know you would.” He looked at Chris and sat down beside him. “Are you okay?”

Chris swallowed hard. He was usually good with words, but this was so important to him, he needed to get it right. “There’s something I’ve wanted to say to you for a long time. I think…I think I didn’t know how to say it before now.”

Len looked at him. “What?”

He took Len’s hand and held it, touching the rings on his finger. “Since that first night when you stepped into my quarters, there has been no one else. There could never be anyone else. I’ve never understood why I had so much trouble telling you that.”

There was a sheen to Len’s eyes and a wide smile on his face. “Why now?”

“I don’t know, maybe I finally learned to say the words. Never doubt how much I love you. More than that, never doubt that it’s only ever been you, or going to be you.”

Len stood and pulled Chris to his feet as well.

“Thank you,” Len said. “I’ve known that. But it means a lot to me that you said it out loud.”

He leaned forward, putting his hands on Chris’ face and kissing him deeply. There was clapping and joking, and Chris did not care. He put one hand into Len’s hair, and the other ran down his back to his waist and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss.

Finally, he pulled back. “The nice thing about this being our wedding is that we can leave early, and no one will say anything.”

Len’s smile lit the room. “We should say our goodbyes.”

*****

Chris glanced around the suite as they came in. The door hissed closed behind them. It was huge, all tastefully done in white. With a full living room, dining room, and an open door to the bedroom, beyond which was a massive bed with a white satin cover on it.

“Would you look at this place,” Len said. “And the view.” The floor-to-ceiling windows looked out on Atlanta at night.

“Wouldn’t have thought this would impress you that much,” Chris said, smiling.

“When you said we’d spend our wedding night in a hotel before we went to Montana, I wasn’t expecting this high-end a hotel.” Len smirked at him. “All I was thinking of was a nice soft bed. And my nice new husband in it.”

And that title just settled so well in Chris’ heart. “I’m all in with that.”

They were both in their dress uniforms. “Come ‘mere, my darlin’ husband.”

“I can tell already that I am never going to get tired of hearing you call me that,” Chris said, stepping close to him, and leaning in to kiss him.

Len slid his arms around Chris’ shoulders and pulled him in closer. “I have been looking forward to this for hours.”

“What is your pleasure, husband,” Chris whispered. “Whatever you want.”

“Just and always you. However, it happens.”

“Shall we start with the giant bathtub that is supposed to be in the main bathroom?”

“Let’s go see if it will hold both of us,” Len said, stepping back and taking his hand. “Ever made love in a bathtub?”

“I’ve had sex in a bathtub, but since it wasn’t with you, it wasn’t making love.” Chris didn’t care that what he’d just said was corny beyond belief, it didn’t make it any less true.

And it made Len smile very widely. “I like that answer.”

Chris followed Len into the bedroom. Where Len sat briefly on the bed and patted it before he opened the bathroom door.

“Soft enough I hope,” Chris asked.

Len laughed. “Yes. That isn’t a bathtub, it’s a small swimming pool.”

Chris had to agree. “We could almost swim laps.”

It was round, with a padded bench around the edge on the outside, and a ledge for sitting in the water. Len turned on the taps. “It’s going to take a few minutes to fill. But while we wait, let me help you out of your clothes.”

Len opened his own jacket and shrugged out of it, and then hung it in the closet that was attached to the bathroom. He turned and opened Chris’ and reached out to push his jacket off his shoulders as well. Which he also hung up. His own shirt was next, followed by Chris’. At that point, he ran his hands down Chris’ chest and pulled him closer.

Chris loved the feel of them standing skin to skin. He reached for the closure on Len’s pants and once he had it open, he stripped it and Len’s underwear off. And then he did his own.

“Tub is filled,” Len said and stepped into the water.

Chris followed him in, sitting on the ledge, and leaning in to kiss Len. He turned to Chris, deepening the kiss, his hands sliding slowly along Chris’ back and down to his ass.

Sucking in a deep breath, Chris’ heart started to pound, and he moved his hands over Len’s body. He loved the feel of his hard, sleek body under his hands. They kissed again, Chris’ tongue sliding into Len’s mouth.

“Bath oil?” Chris asked, pulling back to put a hand on his face.

“Not enough to use as lube, but enough to make things slippery,” Len said, sliding a hand up and down Chris’ arm.

“Nice.” Chris kissed him again and then again. The kisses gained heat but didn’t lose their tenderness. This was his wedding night, and he wanted to make it last a long time. Now, he was going to savor it for as much and as long as he could.

He kissed Len again, letting himself enjoy the taste and feel of him in his arms. He really was a lucky man.

Something tried to remind him that he wasn’t going to get to keep it, but he pushed that thought away. He’d have tonight and all the other nights that came after until he had to meet his fate. Then —

“I can almost hear you thinking too hard, my darlin’,” Len said. “Whatever put that look on your face, forget it. You’re mine tonight. And every night after this one.”

“You know me too well. I think it’s time I focused on you.” Chris kissed him as he ran his hand down Len’s back and over his ass. Then slid a finger between his ass cheeks, rubbing without intent. “What would you like?”

“Your fingers can just keep doing that. Maybe pressin’ in a bit. Maybe a lot. Maybe other things as well.”

“In the bath, or out on that stupid big bed.”

“I’m thinking that bed does look invitin’,” Len said, standing and pulling Chris to his feet. “We should go mess it up.”

Chris laughed. “We can do that.” He pulled a fluffy white towel from the rack and wrapped it around Len, drying him.

“I’m loving the feel of your hands on me,” Len said and walked naked into the bedroom.

Chris closed his eyes for a moment. He took a breath. Calm down.

“You comin'” Len asked, over his shoulder.

“Not right this second, but hopefully at some point, soon,” Chris said.

Len huffed out a laugh. “Come ‘mere, my darlin’.”

He grabbed a towel and dried himself quickly.

Len was lying in the middle of the bed, his legs spread, his head back on the mounds of pillows. “I’m waitin’ for you.”

Chris didn’t say anything. He picked up the bottle of lube and put it on the table near the bed, then sat down on the bed beside Len, leaning over to kiss him deeply, a hand on his neck. He slid on top of Len, wrapping the other arm around his waist.

Len’s hands moved up and down over Chris’ back. Chris kissed down his neck and over his chest. Stopping briefly to tongue his nipple, enjoying as Len moved under his mouth. He moved down, licking along the hairline, and pressing a kiss to the base of Len’s cock.

Chris took a breath and grabbed the bottle of lube, putting some on his fingers, and teased him for a while. Len shivered and spread his legs further apart.

“Please. More.”

He’d give Len anything he wanted. But he didn’t want to move too fast. He wanted Len good and aroused, and he was enjoying Len’s reaction to each touch. Finally, Chris knew Len was ready for more.

He pressed Len’s legs up and pushed slowly into him. There was little resistance and Len bucked against him, making an incoherent sound of pleasure. He pulled out and then pressed in again.

Len whined. “Put your back into it, darlin’!”

“Of course, my beloved husband,” Chris said, half laughing and half panting. And moved harder, and faster. He took Len’s cock in his slicked hand and stroked him. It only took a few times before he came with a loud groan. Chris followed after him.

After a few minutes, Len stretched out his legs and Chris gathered him into his arms.

“Beloved,” Chris said and kissed him again. And for a while, they exchanged soft kisses. Chris was enjoying the simple feel and sweetness of Len’s mouth on his.

Len kissed his neck, and his chest then laid his head over Chris’ heart. “Good night, my darlin’ husband. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Chris let his eyes close. His last thought before sleep took him was that he’d had the most perfect wedding, he’d never dreamed he’d have.

They returned to the Enterprise, after a week-long honeymoon at the ranch. Chris made a ship-wide announcement, “This is Captain Pike. I am sure that none of you will be surprised to learn that Doctor McCoy and I got married last week. Tomorrow night at 1900, there will be a ship-wide reception. Everyone is welcome.”

*****

Fourteen months later

The door buzzed, and Chris said, “Come.”

“You wanted to see me, sir?” Len said, keeping his tone formal. He still did that anywhere other than their quarters.

They were more formal with each other than Chris was with anyone else. It was far too easy for them to lapse into informality, so they attempted to be formal in every situation where they weren’t alone.

“Yes, come in doctor,” Chris said.

“Commander,” Len said, nodding to Number One.

Another thing they learned was to never meet for official business alone. There was always someone else from the command staff there. Usually, either Number One or Spock. That reduced temptation as well.

Chris kept his tone neutral. “I’m sure you know that Doctor M’Benga will be leaving us when we get back to Earth to drop off the current term of cadets.”

Len nodded. “I’m sorry to see him leave us.”

Chris nodded to Number One.

“Doctor McCoy, ” she said. “Because of your performance and grace under extreme pressure. We are awarding you the rank of Lieutenant-Commander. And since you are now the ranking doctor, you are also promoted to Chief Medical Officer for the Enterprise. Congratulations.”

“Thank you,” he said, shaking the hand Number One held out. She stood as well and handed him his new insignia.

Chris was proud of him. “Can I help you with that?”

“I guess that works.” Len smirked at him. He handed the insignia to Chris. “Does this finally mean I can argue with you about going on some damned fool mission without risking insubordination, sir?”

“No,” he said promptly, pinning the insignia on his uniform.

The commander coughed.

“Fine. Fine. Maybe. It’s not like you listen to me that much anyway,” Chris complained.

“Nor do you, sir.” Len smirked at him.

“You’re of sufficient rank to call me Chris. Not to mention being my husband.”

“Doesn’t matter. I think I’ve mentioned that as long as you’re my commanding officer, I am always going to call you sir in public. Forever.” And he made it sound like a threat. But even so, he knew Len felt like it had to be this way.

Chris knew he’d never do anything to embarrass him in public.

Number One just laughed at them.

*****

Chapter Thirteen – Alien Sex Pollen

Eighteen Months later

As soon as the whole landing party materialized, Len and Spock looked at each other and nodded. “We shall meet back here in three hours,” Spock said.

“Very good, Mr. Spock.” Len turned towards those gathered around. “You all have your assignments and your partners for this. We’ve tried to overlap where possible. You each have your list of plants and which you harvest and which to just take cuttings for. Are there any questions?”

“No, sir,” said Mark Jeffries. He was part of the security detail. Not that Len thought they were going to have any problems on a deserted planet that didn’t seem to have ever been inhabited.

Everyone moved off. Spock was partnered with Christine. She was hoping to find some other kinds of plants as well as what was on her list. Something about her research.

The surface was pretty, covered in abundant plant life and dense vegetation. He was looking forward to doing a little exploring. Sadly, Erica was unable to accompany him. She was getting over the Regalian Flu which had swept through half the population of the Enterprise in the last few weeks. He had had it himself, and it sucked. Chris managed to get lucky, and not get sick with it, even sleeping next to him.

“I’m with you, doc,” Jeffries said, falling into step with him.

Mark always seemed bigger up close. “Did Erica put you up to this?”

“Of course, she did,” Mark said. “And I wasn’t going to argue with her. She’s very protective of you. And not without reason. I mean, you know she is a good friend and everything. I’m sure she wants to make sure you’re safe. So, she just told me to watch over you. Which I don’t mind doing.”

“She has never given up the idea she was responsible for me,” Len said. He knew that Chris appreciated her protectiveness of Len. And Len was okay with it. One less thing to think about when he was planet side.

“Why would she? I mean, she’s doing this so that you’re safe. And why wouldn’t you want to be safe? Not that there’s much here to worry about. But sometimes, it’s the peaceful pretty places that give you the most problems.”

There was something about Mark’s constant babble that always amused Len. He hadn’t changed in all the years he’d known him. “I’m a grown man. You do know that I can take care of myself.”

Mark smiled at that. “And you know, doc, that she can do it better. In some cases, a lot better. She’s just that good at it. I’ve sparred with her, and she still wins half the time. I’m twice her size, but she is just so fast. And strong. You wouldn’t think someone that small would be that strong and fast. But man, she can run circles around me.”

“So, I’ve been told.” There was no arguing about how good Erica was in a fight. And there was some comfort in knowing that she would not hesitate to take out a threat.

They walked together for about half a kilometer, and he saw the first specimen that he was looking for.

“It’s the blue one,” Mark said. “What does it do? I mean, why would we come here to take it? I don’t understand exactly why you need to have fresh plants rather than say dried ones from someplace else.”

“The chemical makeup suggests that it has some healing properties. And the reason we need fresh ones is so that we can analyze them. I’m hoping we can take a few samples and then experiment with it. If it does have what we’re looking for, then maybe we synthesize it.”

“Sure, doc. I’ll just stand over here,” Mark pointed to a spot in the shade of several large rocks. “Take your time. It’s pretty hot here. And the uniforms are warm, too. We should have short-sleeved uniforms for warm places. I’ve suggested it, but that got nowhere. I am going to stand here since it’s cooler.”

“That’s fine.” Len knelt beside the plant and ran his tricorder over it. Definitely, the right chemical makeup. There were some other things in there that he didn’t recognize. He’d do a complete analysis when he got it back to the ship.

He took out his laser knife and cut off one of the smaller branches. As he put it into his storage bag, he saw a group of spores explode out of the rest of the plant and hit him in the face and chest.

“Move back!” he shouted to Mark, who did as he was told. “Send a priority alert. Get everyone out of here.”

“Doc?” Mark called.

“Do not come closer.”

As Len tried to stand up, a wave of sexual desire washed over him. It was like nothing he’d ever felt before. Arousal hit him like a sledgehammer. Huge. Burning. All-encompassing. And it felt deadly. No. More than that. It felt like he was going to die from the want.

But first, he thought, he was going to pass out from it.

*****

“Captain Pike, please report to sickbay,” the computer intercom said. He’d been expecting it since they had gotten everyone back on board.

“Acknowledged,” Chris said as he stood. “Commander Noonien-Singh, you have the con.”

“Yes, sir,” she said.

Even though he wanted to run, he forced himself to take measured steps. If they were a little quicker than he’d usually use, he was sure he could be forgiven.

“Doctor Rodriguez?” Chris tried to sound less worried than he was.

The look on Rodriguez’s face said he’d failed. “Captain. I’ll be brief. Time is of the essence. Doctor McCoy is in your quarters. His condition is perilous –”

“Then, why isn’t he here?”

“Because there is nothing we can do for him here, except sedate him. And that isn’t going to help him. You’re his husband. You can help him. He’s in a state of heightened sexual arousal and what that means is that all of his senses are overreacting to the stimulus of just being in that state and he is in considerable pain from it. To the point of being on the verge of incoherency.”

“And if he is incoherent, what exactly can I do for him.”

“You need to take care of that for him,” Rodriguez said. As if that were obvious.

But it wasn’t to Chris. “What are you saying? That I have to –”

“Yes. That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

A shiver of dread went through Chris, and he shook his head. “Not without his consent.”

“I’m not sure he is capable of giving that right now. What I am sure of is the problem will continue to get worse until it kills him,” Rodriguez said.

“How can it kill him?” Because that made no sense to Chris at all.

“The problem will just keep getting worse until his heart gives out, or he has a stroke, or the sensitivity of his skin and sexual organs drives him mad.”

That was not a scenario that Chris could cope with. He turned away and took several deep breaths. Could he do that to Len? To save Len’s life? To save his life, he would do anything.

“All right. Is there anything else I need to know?” he sounded stiff, even to himself.

Rodriguez looked sympathetic and shook his head.

Number One appeared at his side as soon as he set foot outside of the office. “Captain?”

“Number One,” he said. “Walk me to my quarters. Do you know what Doctor Rodriguez has asked of me?”

“In general terms. Yes.”

Chris took a deep breath. He’d had to do this before, but “I’m going to turn the ship over to you. You’re acting Captain until I feel I am fit for duty again.”

“You think it’s going to be that bad?” she asked.

“I’m not sure what I think, exactly. But I know myself well enough to know that there’s a good chance I’ll be emotionally compromised once I’m done.” Better than a good chance, Chris was sure of it.

“Chris?” She seemed startled.

“What I need to do goes against everything I think is right.”

She looked down and then back at him. There was resolve in her look. “I understand. Is there anything specific we should do with the rest of the crew? Almost everyone who was on the away team experienced the same thing. Only Dr. McCoy and Lieutenant Chung weren’t close enough to engage with a partner on the planet. This isn’t usually handled with formal protocols. Some of the away team are more traumatized than others.”

“Everyone could probably use a few sessions with a counselor after this. Myself included. Contact Admiral Barnett and let him know what happened and what we need.”

“Anyone specifically you’d like to request?”

Kat Cornwell came to mind first, even after all these years. “Not that I can think of.”

They’d made it to his door. He looked at it and then at her. She put her hand on his shoulder for a second as if to say it would be okay. But it wouldn’t, both of them knew that. “I’m sorry to dump everything on you –”

“That’s what your XO is for. Contact me later.”

“Thanks, Una.” He went into his quarters.

*****

Their quarters were warmer than usual. Len had turned the heat up. That made Chris hope he was more coherent than he was afraid he would be. The privacy screens were down on the bedroom, and he disengaged them as he went in.

Len lay sprawled naked on his stomach, his legs spread apart. Chris took two steps into the room and stopped. Another time, he would have considered that an overt invitation. Now, it was a parody of that. He did not know what he was going to do.

Finally, he knelt beside the bed. “Len,” he said quietly. “What can I do for you?”

Len turned towards him, but it was a couple of seconds before he opened his eyes. He looked wrecked. “Need you to take what I’m offerin’. I need to be feelin’ it in my bones.”

“Is that you asking, or the damned plants?”

Len breathed out a pained laugh. “Probably a little of both. A little prep and have at it.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Hurts so bad right now, not gonna notice anything more. Surprised I can talk.”

“I am, too.” Chris closed his eyes.

“Just do it. Tried to do it myself. Made it worse.”

“All right,” Chris said as he stood. Steeling himself, he pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it on the chair.

“Leave ’em on,” Len murmured. “Too much stimulation comein’ at me. Promise you some soft, fluffy love makin’ after.”

Chris couldn’t help laughing a little. “I’ll hold you to that.” And he’d hold on to that too.

He took off his boots and socks. And climbed onto the bed still wearing his pants and undershirt. There was an open bottle of lube, and Chris put some on his fingers and reached out to touch Len.

Instead of a pleased sound, he was still half expecting, Len hissed out. Something that sounded too much like pain. It startled Chris enough to make him stop.

“Keep going.” Len was panting.

Chris did as he was told. He closed his eyes against the stinging in them. There was some part of him that was completely horrified. But he would do anything to save Len. Even this.

Mercifully, it was quick. Len came almost immediately, crying out in what sounded more like relief than anything else.

“Okay,” Chris asked, afraid to touch him.

“Thank you,” Len murmured, already half asleep. “Fluffy soon. Promise. Love you.”

He leaned down and kissed Len on the side of his temple. “I love you, too.”

Then, he sat for a moment, to make sure Len was fully asleep. His breathing had evened out and he snuffled a little into the pillow, his body completely relaxing. Chris pulled the sheet up to cover him with it.

As soon as he was sure that Len wasn’t going to wake, he rolled off the end of the bed and stripped off the rest of his clothes. He was shaking.

He took a quick shower and got dressed in some clean, soft clothes. Len was still passed out where he’d left him, and Chris didn’t want to disturb him.

Maybe he’d fix something for them to eat. He had no idea how long Len might sleep. Probably a couple of hours, at the least. His body had been on high alert and Len needed rest to mitigate that.

Chris walked into the kitchen and looked around. There was nothing he felt like cooking. Nothing he felt like eating.

Finally, he sat at the table and put his head down on his arms. For a while, he just breathed in and out, trying to cope with what happened. Len might have given him consent, but it didn’t feel like it. It felt forced.

*****

Len blinked awake. Something was wrong. Oh, wait, lots of things were wrong with what had happened. He listened carefully.

It was too quiet.

He sat up and winced. Yeah, that was not so good, everything ached. His whole body felt like it had been pulverized. But at least, the unrelenting arousal was gone. He forced himself out of bed. Sweatpants and a T-shirt were about all he could handle.

Chris was sitting at the table, with his head down on his arms.

“Oh, my darlin’. I am so sorry.” Len sat in the chair beside Chris and put his hand in Chris’ hair. “I am so sorry.”

Chris raised his head. “It wasn’t you doing it. It was me.”

“You were doing what needed to be done. Just like you always do,” Len told him, and tried to smile.

Chris’ expression looked devastated. And he wasn’t looking at Len. “You weren’t in any kind of shape to freely offer anything.”

“I most certainly did give my consent. And you saved my life,” Len said. “Even though I feel that I did give consent before, I’m definitely giving it after. To me, what you did was an act of love and sacrifice to save my life.”

“What?” That looked like it startled Chris. “How?”

“Because I know what this is going to cost you. So, you sacrificed something of yourself to save me because you love me.”

Some of the pain in his eyes cleared. Chris looked a little better. “I’m not sure I can think of it that way.”

“You should think of it exactly that way. More than that, I’m going to think of it that way,” Len said looking right into Chris’ eyes, trying to convey his certainty.

Len stood up and held out a hand to Chris. He took it, getting to his feet. Len embraced him, holding on tight. “You should talk to someone about this.”

“I am going to try to. I gave command to Una, because I knew I’d be compromised after. I am actually in better shape than I thought I’d be.” He met Len’s eyes. “Your reaction just now helped a lot with that. As well as your logic.”

“Oh, do not tell Spock I used logic on you. I will never live it down.”

That made Chris laugh. “Promise.”

*****

“Commander Chin-Riley,” Admiral Richard Barnett said sounding surprised to see her contacting him rather than Captain Pike, “What can I do for you?”

“Computer institute Privacy channel, and complete privacy protocols.”

Barnett’s eyes widened. “What happened?”

“I’m in temporary command of the Enterprise –”

“What happened to Captain Pike?” He looked deeply concerned.

“Let me start at the beginning,” Una suggested.

Barnett nodded. “All right.

She told him as succinctly as possible. “We’ve had over a dozen of the crew exposed and sexually traumatized. Including the CMO and Chief Science Officer.

“After Doctor McCoy was exposed, he managed to alert security to alert the ship. We beamed everyone back and sent them through decontamination. Most had engaged in some form of sexual activity.”

“Most?”

“One of the security personnel, Lieutenant Mark Jeffries, was far enough away not to be affected at all. And two people, Doctor McCoy and Lieutenant Chung were exposed, but without anyone nearby,” she sighed. “Fortunately, both have partners on the ship who are with them now.”

“So, their partners are likely to be as traumatized as they are.”

Given everything she knew about Chris Pike, she nodded. “Possibly more so. From what was described to me as I debriefed the people involved. It was a driving need. There was no consent possible for either party.”

“All right. Did Captain Pike give you any idea how he wanted to handle this for those involved?”

“He asked me to request at least two psychologists, more if you can find them, who have some experience with this type of trauma to help the crew deal with this.”

“Let me get in touch with Doctor Boyce. He’s now head of Starfleet Medical. I have the Farragut in dock, I’ll send her out with whomever we can get.” Richard sighed. “Anything else I need to know about?”

“Those who engaged in some kind of sexual activity on the planet were not physically damaged,” Una said. “Right now, they are all off duty until they can be cleared for duty by a psychologist.”

“All right, ” Barnett said. “Is there anything else?”

“I don’t think so, sir. I’ll keep you informed.”

“Thank you.” He looked down at his pad. “Right now, go to Starbase 14 and I’ll have the Farragut meet you there.”

“Thank you, sir,” Una said.

“Barnett out.”

*****

Number One commed him that they were headed to Starbase 14 and that Phil Boyce was sending Dr. Elizabeth Dehner and Dr. William Carson. He had no idea what Phil was thinking. He had to know that William Carson was Len’s brother by marriage and that he was family to Chris as well.

“Chris,” Phil said as he answered the comm. “I didn’t expect to hear from you for at least a little while.”

“I was wondering why you sent William Carson to us,” Chris asked. He’d hope for someone he knew. And Billy-Ray didn’t count. He was family.

“Between him and Elizabeth Dehner, they had the most experience with this kind of trauma,” Phil said. “And they were available. I also think Len might talk to Doctor Carson. They’ve gotten to be close over the last couple of years.”

“How do you know that?” Chris asked. Len occasionally mentioned he’d talked to Billy-Ray but not any more than his mom or his sister.

“Because I don’t mention everyone I talk with to you, do you think it doesn’t happen? Len and I talk and not just to consult on medical things, either.” Phil just smiled at that. “Are you uncomfortable with either of them?”

Chris sighed. “I am not sure I can talk to either of them. You know me. I have to trust the person. And I don’t know Dr. Dehner at all. And I do trust Billy-Ray, but he’s family, making it less than ideal.”

“Do you want to talk about it with me?” Phil asked. He sounded willing. As he always did when something came up that Chris needed to talk about.

“You’re not a psychologist. And you’re my best friend,” Chris said and then smiled. He remembered many times that talking it out with Phil made it easier to cope. “It’s been a while since I used you as a sounding board.”

“True, but I’m sure it will come back to you. And you just said you weren’t going to talk to someone you don’t know. So, I might know you the best.”

Chris had to admit that was pretty close to the truth. Aside from Len, there was probably no one who knew him as well as Phil did. “I think I’m actually okay with what happened.”

“I doubt that,” Phil said skeptically. “I know your views on consent and treating your partner with care and respect.”

“All right, that’s true. However,” Chris said. “Len gave consent. Both before and after. I, however, didn’t believe it was him giving it, at least before.”

“You knew he was under the influence of the spores,” Phil suggested.

Len was. And that had been the problem. “It was pretty awful. The only choice I got was whether or not I let Len die.”

“That’s not really a choice,” Phil pointed out.

“I guess it wasn’t,” Chris said slowly. And he should have thought of that.

“Just because you were the one who had to act –”

“Doesn’t mean I wanted to,” Chris finished for him. Something else inside him eased a fraction more.

Phil nodded. “Exactly. How do you feel about that?”

“There was never any question in my mind that I would do it. I would do anything to save his life, including giving up my own,” Chris said.

“I don’t think there is a being who knows you, who doesn’t know that about you,” Phil said. “What are you thinking now?”

“I’m sort of stunned that I hadn’t realized it.” How could he have missed something so simple? He hadn’t had a choice about what he’d done with Len.

“Consent goes both ways.” Phil met his eyes. “How did you feel when you were done?”

Chris shivered a little thinking about it. “About what you’d expect. Pretty much destroyed.”

“And?” Phil prompted.

“Len came out and said it was all okay.” Chris still found it hard to believe that Len was that okay with what he’d done.

With a knowing look, Phil said, “to which you said?”

“That it wasn’t okay. Not even close. But he had some pretty good arguments. I found myself believing him.” Because Len’s surety even thinking back on it was absolute. And Chris couldn’t argue with that.

“What were his arguments?” Phil asked.

Chris told him what Len had said. “I believed him. On both counts,” Chris said.

“So, you’re okay with it now?” Phil sounded less skeptical than he had at the beginning of the conversation.

“I think so. I can’t think about how he said what he said and not believe it. So, if it’s true, then I need to accept it as the truth.” Which was not as easy as he just made it sound, even if it was the truth.

Phil was quiet for a moment. “I think you’re okay to go back on duty.”

“I think so, too. But I wanted to be sure,” Chris said, relieved. “I sent a note to Billy-Ray to see me when he gets here. I guess I’ll talk to him, too.”

“He’s a good doctor.”

“You are too,” Chris said. “Thanks. I appreciate this.”

“Anytime you need to talk,” Phil said. “I’m only a comm call away.”

*****

“Beam them directly aboard from the Farragut,” Una said. “Energize.”

The gold light subsided and two people stood on the transporter pad. Una recognized one of them. “Welcome to the Enterprise. Doctor Dehner. Doctor Carson. I’m not sure if you remember, but we met at Captain Pike and Doctor McCoy’s wedding.”

“I do remember. I wish we were meeting again under better circumstances,” Carson said, stepping off the pad.

“I do as well. If you will please follow me,” Una said. “I’ve arranged for offices for both of you in Medical.”

They walked along the corridor towards the sickbay. There were two empty offices just inside the main room of the sickbay.

“Let’s get you and Doctor Dehner settled into your offices. And we’ll alert the personnel to report to both of you. Aside from Doctor McCoy and Captain Pike, we’ve randomized each list.”

“I have a note from Chris — Captain Pike, that he’d like me to stop by his quarters when I had time,” Doctor Carson said.

Una nodded. “Do you want to do that first?”

“Maybe I should. I’ll catch up with you later, Elizabeth.”

“Of course, William,” she said and went into the office that Una held open for her.

Una pointed to the one next door. “This one is yours. But I’ll walk you to their quarters.”

“Thanks. It wouldn’t be ethical for me to treat either of them,” Dr. Carson said.

“These sorts of situations are usually handled informally by Starfleet,” Una said. “There are just too many different reactions to trauma of this type.”

“Exactly,” Doctor Carson said. “Did Captain Pike ask for me?”

“No. I made the request, and we didn’t care as long as you were both qualified to treat this kind of trauma.”

They reached the captain’s door. Chris answered. He looked better than she expected him to look, given everything. “How are you doing, Chris?” she asked.

“Okay.” He stepped back to let them in.

“I’m just dropping Doctor Carson here,” she said with a slight smile. “When you want to get back to sickbay just ask the computer to lead you back.”

“Thank you, commander.”

*****

Chris stepped back again, and Billy-Ray followed him into the room.

“Where’s Len?” Billy-Ray asked, looking around, clearly curious.

“Len is working out in the gym with Lieutenant-Commander Ortegas. And he told me I needed to talk to you worse than he did.” Chris smiled at that. After his conversation with Phil, he was feeling much steadier. If not completelokay with the whole thing, then at least accepting enough not to have it eat at him.

“I thought Len went down to the planet,” Billy-Ray said. “And didn’t I hear everyone was confined to quarters?”

“They are off duty until cleared, but not confined to their quarters. And I thought it would be good for Len to work out if he wanted to. And anyone else.”

“Why did he think you needed me worse than he did?” Billy-Ray asked. He seemed concerned about that, too.

Chris smiled a little. “Well, that’s the thing. I would have agreed, too. However, this morning, I just spent an hour or so talking to Phil Boyce. And I’m in a better frame of mind than either of us thought I’d be.”

“So, you don’t need to talk about it?” Billy-Ray raised a disbelieving eyebrow at him.

“I can go through it again with you if you’d like. It probably wouldn’t hurt to get a third opinion on this.” Chris had always found Billy-Ray easy to talk to. Even when they were just having a casual conversation about nothing.

“A third opinion?” Billy-Ray asked.

“Len, Phil, and now you.”

Billy-Ray looked thoughtful for a moment. “So, why don’t we just talk informally? I’ll ask a bunch of nosey questions, and of course, you should answer them.”

Chris laughed. “That remains to be seen. I’m not good at this kind of thing. I tend to ask my own questions. And not answer the ones I don’t like.”

“That doesn’t surprise me at all,” Billy-Ray said, smiling at him.

“It might be that you know me.”

“That might be true, too,” Billy-Ray said. “Why don’t we sit down.”

“Would you like some coffee?” Chris asked, moving towards the kitchen. “I’m going to make some.”

Billy-Ray smiled at that. “Oh, yes. I’d love some. Why don’t you start by telling me what happened from your point of view.”

He set up the coffee maker and turned it on. “It will take a few minutes.” He waved Billy-Ray to a seat at the island table and took the one next to him.

Chris started with the distress call. Then the rescue and decontamination. The call to Sickbay. “Doctor Rodriguez told me to go have sex with Len so that he wouldn’t die of whatever sex pollen he was infected with.”

“You had a problem with that?”

“I’ve never had to do anything like that before.” Chris was silent for a second, trying to gather his thoughts. “I went to our quarters and Len told me what he needed. I did what he asked. It broke the hold that the plants had on him. And that was it.”

“I doubt that was it,” Billy-Ray said, in a mirror of what Phil had said earlier that morning.

Chris looked down at his hands and sighed. He could say it again. “I had a pretty strong emotional reaction to it. Neither one of us enjoyed it. I have spent my whole life making sure my partners enjoyed what I did to and with them.”

“No bad sex?” And he sounded so incredulous.

A laugh burst out of Chris, at some of the images that floated through his mind. “Some spectacularly bad sex along the way. But it was always the kind you laughed at afterward. Nothing like this. Not something traumatic.” Chris got up and poured Billy-Ray a cup of coffee and one for himself. “Do you want anything in that?”

“I usually put cream and sugar in it, but I think this might be good enough to drink black.” He took a sip and nodded. “What was your emotional reaction?”

For a second, Chris hesitated and then told him the truth. “It was not pretty.”

Billy-Ray took another sip of his coffee. “It never is. What was Len’s reaction to that.”

“He had a bunch of good arguments,” Chris said and then told him what he’d said. “Talking to Phil made me realize I didn’t have a choice. I mean, let Len die, or do what I needed to do. It wasn’t something that occurred to me before either of them said it.”

“How are you feeling now?” Billy-Ray asked.

“Better than I have any right to. I thought I would be completely emotionally compromised. I made Una acting captain until this was over, and I felt I was ready to return to command.”

“That was a good decision. Do you think you’re good to return to command?”

Getting back to work would help with his perspective. “Yes. And thanks,” Chris said. “How long are you here?”

“Dr. Dehner and I are here for a couple of days. Hopefully, that will be enough time to talk to everyone at least twice.”

That would be ideal. “Thank you.”

*****

Later that day, Len answered the door to find Billy-Ray.

“Len,” Billy-Ray said as the door to their quarters closed behind him. “It’s good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you, too.” Len hugged him. “Thanks for seeing me privately. I know it’s not quite in the regulations.”

“If this is what gets you talking, then it is all to the good. With that in mind, I want you to tell me what happened and how you’re feeling about it,” Billy-Ray said.

Len let out a sigh and sat down at the table. “My biggest worry with this is Chris’ reaction.”

“I think you should talk to Chris about that part,” Billy-Ray suggested. “I’m here to talk about you. Why don’t you take me through it step by step?”

Len told him about going to the planet with the team.

“Who were you with on the planet?” Billy-Ray asked.

“Mark Jeffries. He was my security because Erica, Lieutenant-Commander Ortegas was still sick with the flu.”

Billy-Ray looked down at his pad. “Ortegas is in operations and a helmsman. And didn’t she stand with you at your wedding?”

“She did. She’s a close friend. But she also thinks she’s my protector,” Len said. He didn’t mind her protection or presence, but he was very glad she wasn’t there yesterday. Though what could have happened with Mark would have been just as bad.

“Why would she think that?”

“Remember me telling you about the consent forms when I was a cadet,” Len asked.

Billy-Ray nodded.

“After the interview, she decided she was responsible for me. For whatever reason, it hasn’t changed in all the years we’ve served together. The captain likes the idea of someone capable of protecting me going with me when I go planet side.”

“And how do you feel about that?” Billy-Ray asked.

“I’m trained in how to fight, and how to fire a phaser. I’m good enough at both to qualify. But I’ll admit, she’s much better,” Len said.

“So, you’re okay with it?”

Len shrugged. It wasn’t something he had a lot of choice about. Though, in truth, he did not mind. And he was sure that Chris found some comfort in Erica’s protection of him. “It’s one of the facts of my life on this ship. I’m the captain’s husband, everyone is protective of me, even though I can protect myself.”

Billy-Ray nodded. “Go on.”

“Mark was following me around. Fortunately, he was far enough away that when the plant spit out the spores at me, he wasn’t in the radius,” Len said.

And then continued, “After we were beamed aboard, they sent us through decontamination, and then we debriefed with Commander Chin-Riley. I went to sickbay. Doctor Rodriguez was on call. He told me what I already knew which was that the arousal was getting worse. And could kill me. He told me to go to my quarters and that he’d talk to the captain and send him there.”

“What did you do next?”

“I took a shower. I tried to take care of the problem myself. But it only seemed to make it worse. I was having these weird waking fantasies. And they were getting darker and darker.”

“Your subconscious?”

“No. I don’t think so. I would never even think about those kinds of things. It was all about pain and darkness, and things I, we would never do,” Len said. “I know Chris would never want to do any of what was going through my mind.”

“What did you do next?” Billy-Ray asked.

Part of Len was unsure how to even begin to talk about that. Which probably meant he needed to. Anyone else, he knew he’d never be able to say what came next. Len looked down and then back at Billy-Ray. “How explicit do you want me to be?”

“As explicit as you need to be,” Billy-Ray said, and it was clear he meant it. “You can’t tell me something that I haven’t heard before. One of my specializations is in this kind of trauma.”

Len took a deep breath. He went for clinical detached terms as he described how he presented himself on the bed. “I knew I didn’t have enough control left not to hurt Chris if we did it with me penetrating him. He was going to have to do it to me.”

Billy-Ray didn’t even blink. “Was that something he didn’t do or wouldn’t want to do?”

“He and I go back and forth with that, depending on our moods. But I knew, in this case, it wasn’t going to be easy for him. He’s really all about making sure his partner is satisfied. He is the most generous lover I’ve ever known.”

Billy-Ray looked like he wanted to say something else. But he wasn’t going to.

“What?” Len asked.

“Just that that doesn’t surprise me about him,” Billy-Ray said. “That isn’t a comment I would normally make.”

“And that is why I’m here with you, rather than the other person who came with you,” Len said. “I cannot imagine saying what I just said to anyone who I didn’t trust completely. Or to someone who might know Chris in any other context.”

Billy-Ray smiled at him. “Go on with what happened.”

“I managed to stay lucid until Chris got there. I knew he was going to need to hear it from me, that it was okay to do what he had to do,” Len said.

“What did he say to that.”

“Truthfully, all I have is an impression of his agreement. He did everything I told him to do. And then I felt a release like I never had before. It wasn’t pleasure so much as it was an enormous relief. When I woke, he was gone. I found him sitting at the table in the kitchen, and he looked devastated. I felt awful.”

Len didn’t think he’d ever get that image out of his mind. He hated how much that hurt Chris. “I sat down next to him and tried to reason with him. Maybe I got through. I hope so.”

“You should talk to Chris about that.”

“As soon as he gets back here.” He sighed. “He went back to work as soon as you and Phil cleared him this morning.”

“I’ll clear you as well, if you feel up to it.”

“Definitely. I think I’m in better shape than Chris is.”

Billy-Ray didn’t say anything for a second or two. “What are you feeling now?”

“Like it was a dream. I feel almost detached from it. I think that if it had been either Erica or Mark, I would be in a very different place.”

“One more thing and this is a general medical question. What about the chance of pregnancy with those capable.”

“Everyone, all beings, who serve on a starship gets regular and mandatory birth control shots. All of us.”

“No accommodations?”

“Not for deep space exploration teams. If you want to be on a ship, you agree to it. That, and a whole list of other vaccines and meds. Given what just happened –”

“I’m sure a lot of people are relieved about that right now.”

“You’re good at this, aren’t you?” Len said.

“What did you expect?” Billy-Ray grumbled trying to suppress a laugh.

“I didn’t know. I was pretty sure I would be able to talk to you. Turns out it was easier to talk to someone I trust to start with.”

“Anytime, really. I know how bad things can get out here.”

*****

Two mornings later, Billy-Ray was finishing his breakfast in the galley. He’d always liked Chris Pike, and nothing over the years had altered Billy-Ray’s opinion of him. After this incident, He had really come to respect who Chris was as a captain of a starship, responsible for over two hundred lives.

He looked up and saw Chris come in and head towards him.

“Good morning, Doctor Carson,” Chris said, cordially. “After you’re done with breakfast, do you have a few minutes for a chat before you go home today?”

“Certainly, Captain Pike. I’m done now.” He stood. “Doctor Dehner won’t be ready for at least another hour or probably two.”

“Let’s go to my quarters,” Chris suggested.

“Let me get another cup of coffee.” He pointed towards the replicator.

“I can offer you something better than that. Since Len lives on it, I keep fresh coffee around, and make it for him every morning,” Chris said easily. It had always impressed him the way that Chris was so upfront about his care of Len.

Billy-Ray followed him out of the mess hall.

He palmed the door and led Billy-Ray into his kitchen.

“When I first saw this, I was surprised that you can have all this on a starship,” Billy-Ray said.

“I’m the captain. I justify it with dinners for some of my crew each week. Anyone who wants to come to dinner can get an invitation. I like knowing my crew.”

“I’m impressed.” Billy-Ray had known that Chris was a much-decorated, and well-loved captain. But he kept finding out what that actually meant.

Chris just smiled and handed him a cup. They both drank the coffee in silence for a few minutes. When Chris didn’t seem inclined to say anything, Billy-Ray did. “What can I do for you, Chris? Do you still need to talk?”

“No. I’m, if not completely okay with what happened, at least accepting it without blaming myself,” Chris said, sounding like he was telling the truth. “This is something else. Something that is off the record and personal.”

He waved Billy-Ray to the table. And he sat and waited, sipping his coffee.

Surprisingly, Chris was quiet for a while, clearly gathering his thoughts. “In about a year and some change, something is going to happen, and Len is going to need you to be there.”

Billy-Ray tipped his head slightly to the side because he wasn’t quite sure what Chris was saying. “Something is going to happen to you?”

“Yes. I have certain knowledge of this,” Chris said, looking grim.

“If you know what is going to happen –”

Chris shook his head. “My fate can’t be altered. If I try to fix it, I will condemn someone else to it. And that person is needed in the future. So, it must happen the way it’s going to. Len will attempt to fix it. But eventually, there won’t be anything more he can do. At that point, he needs to let go.”

Okay. That wasn’t at all what he was expecting this morning. Billy-Ray held very still for a moment and took a breath. He steadied himself. “I will do whatever he needs. I would do that without you asking me. He’s family. Beyond that,” Billy-Ray said, pointing his finger at Chris. “You are family. You don’t get a pass on that. You’re the same as him.”

Chris swallowed visibly. It was clear that wasn’t what he was expecting Billy-Ray to say. “You’ll know when it happens. Len is going to be working in San Francisco by then, anyway. Since I’m going to leave the Enterprise in about eight months, at the end of our current mission.”

“Can he save you?”

“I don’t know. He’s going to need someone to make sure he’s okay while he’s trying. If it does work, there’s going to be a very long recovery for both of us. And if it doesn’t work. Someone, probably your whole family, needs to be there and make sure he survives it.”

“Have you talked to anyone about it?” Billy-Ray asked.

“No, and I can’t. I must face what’s coming. Until I get to that moment, I am going to continue to do my duty to Starfleet and myself. But I also have to make sure that Len survives.” Chris closed his eyes for a second.

“I’m not sure how that’s going to work out. It’s obvious that you both are deeply devoted to each other,” Billy-Ray said. Whatever this was, if Chris didn’t survive it, then, it would destroy Len as well. Chris was deluding himself if he thought otherwise. Maybe he needed to believe that there was the possibility of Len surviving him.

“You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know.” Chris’ emotions were written on his face. “Len is the first person I’ve ever truly been in love with.”

Billy-Ray had suspected that. It wasn’t hard to guess given the emotions coming from him. “Is that good or bad for you?”

“He means more to me, than — than my own life. And even now, there are times when I don’t know how to deal with the enormity of what he means to me.” Chris stopped for a second and blew out a breath. “And knowing what is going to happen, I want him to survive it. He isn’t even going to be forty. He’s got so much left to contribute.”

Billy-Ray put a hand on Chris’ arm. “I will do everything I can for him. Beth, me, and the kids will all be there. Joanna. Eleanora. All of us.”

“Thank you.” Chris looked so relieved.

It gave Billy-Ray a lot to think about. “I’m going to tell Beth. I’m not sure I want to tell anyone else, but she’s got to know.” Because he’d need some support, too. And a shoulder to cry on.

Chris nodded, understanding in his eyes.

*****

A few nights later, Len woke with a start and sat up. Something felt wrong. “What the hell?” he muttered.

“Are you okay?” Chris mumbled, turning over.

“Yes. Go back to sleep, darlin’. I’m fine.” He rubbed Chris’ shoulder. “I’m sorry for waking you up.”

“Don’t apologize. We’ve had a traumatic experience this week. I know you think you’re more okay with it than I am. But a lot of times, it’s worse than you think it is.”

“You’re speaking from experience? I know you’ve processed what you had to do. But have you had something like this happen to you?”

“Not exactly like this. But I’ve had to deal with alien mind control a couple of times. Each time left me feeling violated in a way that defies explanation.”

“Tell me about it,” Len asked.

“It’s classified.”

“Tell me anyway. Leave out any details that will identify the planet.”

Chris told him a complicated story about a woman named Vina and a group of aliens who could project images directly into his mind and make him believe it was real. It was one of the most horrifying things Len had ever heard.

“What did you do after that? How did you recover?” Because Len was not sure a being could recover from that kind of violation. At least, not very easily.

“Partly, just leaving helped. Understanding what was going on with them, the keepers, helped. And mostly, I talked it out. First with Phil, right after we left the planet. And then, I had a good friend who was a therapist. She had me just talk it out with her.”

“Are you still friends with her?”

“She’s dead.”

“I’m sorry. She sounds like she was a good friend.”

“She was. And I watched her sacrifice herself for my ship and crew. She manually overrode a blast door that was stuck, so that when an unexploded photon torpedo did explode, it didn’t take out the whole ship.”

“Oh, God. When was this?”

“Maybe six years ago. We were in a desperate situation.” Chris took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “It was one of the bravest things I’ve seen anyone do. And one of the hardest things I have ever had to watch. But I wasn’t going to let her die alone.”

“What did you do after that? Did you talk to someone?” Len asked. There seemed to be so many things in Chris’ life that he needed to talk about and mostly didn’t.

Chris shook his head. “No. It was classified. No one could know about what happened.”

“This is linked to the Discovery loss, isn’t it?” Len asked. The timing was right for that.

“What do you know about that?” Chris sounded suspicious.

“Not much. But everything with you leads back to that. And the battle where the ship and crew were lost.”

“I can’t talk about it.”

Len’s curiosity was too much. “Did you ever think you might need to? That whatever happened was a problem for you.”

“Oh, I know it was a huge problem for me and those of us who know what happened. But that doesn’t mean I can talk about it.”

“And I guess talking about it without context wouldn’t work in this case.”

“Not since you know some of the context already. And it would be treason to talk about it with someone who doesn’t already know.”

Len heard what he wasn’t saying. It was probably time to let his curiosity about that ship go. “All right, let’s go back to sleep.”

“Are you okay?” Chris asked softly, putting a hand on Len’s shoulder.

“Truthfully, I’m okay with what happened. It’s sort of faded into the distance where I only have vague impressions of what happened with you.” Len leaned over and kissed him. “Your care with me is what resonates.”

Chris smiled a little at that. “Then?”

“Christine looks like hell. I don’t think she’s slept all week. And I saw Spock this afternoon, and he didn’t look much better. I suspect they both knew what to say to get back on duty. But it’s a bigger issue to them than either of them were saying. And if they are still bothered, I wonder who else is?”

“Do you think that I should pull a few strings to get a psychologist to come back for a couple of days?”

“That seems like a good idea. If you can request Billy-Ray, I might talk to him again, too. I’m not having any issues. But, going through it again would probably be beneficial for both of us,” Len said.

“I’ll see what I can do.” Chris kissed him lightly. “I know that Number One told me that she had some requests from other people who were not on that mission but just wanted to talk to someone. There weren’t enough slots,” Chris said. “I found Billy-Ray easy to talk to and to be honest with.”

“He’s always been like that. He tried to be friends with me in school when he started to date Beth. And I wasn’t interested. My perception of him must have been off because looking back on it now, I can see the boy he was then, in the man he is now.” Len sighed.

“You must have realized that he wasn’t whatever you thought he was. Especially, if he’d tried more than once to be friends with you.”

Len looked down. He’d never thought about it before he’d had that dinner with Billy-Ray at the Academy. And he’d felt bad after that.

“You know, I spent most of secondary school, college, and for years after, being constantly surprised that he and Beth were still dating. I expected them to break up. And they never did. Not through him going away to college without her or her going away to college without him,” Len said.

That night he’d talked with Billy-Ray had been the beginning of a real connection between them. Len could completely understand where he was coming from. “Billy-Ray told me that they had given each other a free pass for the years they were away from each other. But he said he never used his,” Len said.

“I understand that,” Chris said. “Because I promised to tell you, I would never have willingly done anything with anyone else. I could not have hurt you like that. Even then, I knew you well enough to know you’d have forgiven me, but I would never have forgiven myself for hurting you.”

Len kissed him. “Billy-Ray asked me that night he and I first talked, if I thought you knew how much it would hurt me. And I realized that you wouldn’t do that to me.”

“I still don’t understand why it took me so long to say that out loud. It was true from the moment I met you again. And I knew it, too.”

“Maybe you just needed to learn how to say it,” Len said.

“Maybe I did. Come here, let me hold you, my beloved. And maybe we can both get back to sleep,” Chris said, reaching out to take him into his arms.

That endearment always made him feel warm inside. Len laid down and put his head onto Chris’ chest, listening to his heartbeat and letting that lull him back to sleep.

*****

“Mr. Spock,” Chris said when Spock came onto the bridge the following morning. He did look like hell. “Can I see you in my ready room?”

“Of course, sir.”

“Number One, you have the con,” Chris said, getting up.

“Yes, sir,” she said, sitting down in the chair.

He and Spock exited to his ready room. Chris waved him to a seat. “Are you all right?,” Chris asked as he sat behind his desk.

“Excuse me, sir?” Spock asked without inflection but still sounded a bit tentative.

“You don’t look like you’re sleeping well.” Chris was hoping he’d take the hint.

“Vulcans need less sleep than humans.”

“They do need some sleep and it doesn’t look like you’re getting enough. If this continues, it is going to impact your being able to do your job soon,” Chris said.

And poor Spock looked appalled at that. “I’m sorry, sir. –”

“I think that you’re probably still feeling the effects of what happened this week. Am I correct?”

“It is not the effect of the interaction, as what it made me do,” Spock said.

Chris couldn’t ask about that without an invitation. And it sounded like Spock was going to need some specialized help. “I’m going to ask Dr. Carson to come back and talk to some of the others. Would you want to talk to him as well? Or is there someone else you’d prefer to talk with? Or something else you’d like to do to mitigate the problem?”

“I think I would like to return to Vulcan and see T’Pring. There is a ritual I can undertake that will help me cleanse my mind. However, there is a problem with Nurse Chapel, that I can’t help with.”

Okay, now he could ask, “What is specifically the problem?”

“She was in my mind when we were forced together, and it was unguarded. She will have seen many things she should not know about,” Spock said, without inflection but still sounding horrified by it.

Chris closed his eyes and then opened them again. He wasn’t sure what to do with that. “Such as things we can’t talk about, and people who are gone.”

“Yes, sir.”

And, that had the potential to create an even bigger problem. “Is there anything we can do about the memories?”

“I do not believe we can purge them from her mind without doing her more damage.”

“And so, I’ll have to talk to her about it.” And that could also be a nightmare to do. For all that she served well on the ship, and came to the dinners fairly regularly, Christine had always been reserved with him. Chris didn’t know her that well.

“I’m not sure she will even talk to me at this point,” Spock said.

“Have you tried?” Chris asked.

“Yes, sir. Twice. She would not even respond to me. But what I thought was a friendship with her,” he said and paused, then looked down at his hands. “Was more than that. On her part. And she knows that I now know this as well.”

Well, that wasn’t a secret from most people who knew her. Len had mentioned her crush on Spock. Spock hadn’t known. “I am sure she’s embarrassed about it.”

“I do not know what to say to her.”

Chris didn’t know either. But he’d talk to her. And he’d get Billy-Ray to come back here, if he could. “And your leave is approved. Send a note with the request and my approval to Number One and she’ll see it’s processed. We’ll be heading back to the starbase to pick up Dr. Carson. You can get a shuttle to Vulcan from there.”

Without a single emotion on his face, Spock seemed extremely relieved. “Thank you, sir.”

*****

“Doctor McCoy!” Erica called from somewhere in Sickbay. He was in his office and came around the corner to see her sitting on the floor with Christine. “She’s not doing very well.”

“I can see that,” he said sitting down next to them. “Christine. What’s wrong?”

She was holding her head like she was in pain. “I know too much. I shouldn’t know this. It’s a terrible secret.”

“What do you know,” Len asked. “You can tell us. We’re your friends.” This kind of thing was not his strong suit. But maybe she could talk it out and that would help her.

But she shook her head. “I can’t. They all lied. I can’t believe that Spock would lie to Starfleet. That they all did.”

“What did he lie about,” Erica asked. She wasn’t Spock’s biggest fan, but even she sounded dubious that he would lie about anything. Especially to Starfleet.

“The Discovery. His sister was on board. No, she wasn’t on board. That’s what they lied about. All of them. Captain Pike and Commander Chin-Riley lied too.”

As far as Len knew, Spock didn’t have a sister. “How do you know this?”

“I saw it in his mind. He melded with me, during — what happened. I can’t believe that happened to me.” She started to cry. “It hurts. And what I saw there, it was unbelievable. It hurt me.”

“How did it hurt you?” Len asked. No one else who had encounters on the planet mentioned pain. Not physical pain, anyway.

“What else did you see?” Erica asked, putting her arm around Christine’s shoulder.

“That he only felt friendship for me,” she said, bitterly. “And that he does love her.”

No need to ask who. T’Pring. “Are you going to be okay with that?” Len asked.

“No. No.” Christine sobbed again. “He knows. He knows how I feel about him.”

In all likelihood, Spock knew before that. He looked at Erica, silently asking what they should do.

She knew Christine the best, she made a slight motion with her hand, which Len interpreted to keep her talking.

“Do you want to talk to someone else about this? Doctor Carson will be coming back.” Len hoped so anyway.

“No. I shouldn’t be talking about it at all. Spock told them it should be treason to talk about it. But how could they lie like that? What about their families? And friends. Letting them think they’d all died. How could they all just go away like that?”

“Go where?” Erica asked.

“Into the future.” And she turned into Erica and wrapped her arms completely around her and sobbed into her neck.

Len closed his eyes. Oh God, that was it. It all clicked together in his mind. Something else was there. Something that made them all lie about it. He knew Chris well enough to know it must have been world-ending to do what he’d allowed to be done. But he was never going to discuss it with Chris. Never ask again.

“Computer lock down all security logs for Sickbay from ten minutes ago for 30 minutes. No access to anyone other than Captain Christopher Pike. Authorization Doctor Leonard Horatio McCoy, Authorization code 3G78B87.”

“Security logs locked,” the computer said.

He stood and got a sedative and pressed it into her neck and she slumped against Erica. “Let’s get her onto a bed.”

“I’m going to assume that that was something neither one of us was ever supposed to hear about,” Erica said stepping back from the biobed.

“You would be correct, Lieutenant-Commander,” Chris said, standing in the doorway.

“Sir?” she said. “I am not sure what to do with this.”

“Nothing. You can’t speak about it with anyone. That is a direct order,” Chris said in his most authoritative captain’s voice.

“Yes, sir,” she said and glanced at Christine. “Is Christine going to be okay?”

Even lying there sedated, she didn’t look like she was resting peacefully.

“I don’t know,” Len said. “I think that she couldn’t cope with the invasion of her mind by Mr. Spock’s. And added to that was the trauma of what happened and what she saw. I think this is going to need more than talking through.”

Chris nodded, looking quite grim. “What can we do for her?”

“I think we’re going to have to transfer her off the ship to get her some psychiatric help.”

“The problem with that is what she knows. Let me make a few calls,” Chris said. “Do you plan to keep her sedated?”

Len sighed. “For the moment, I think so. It’s not a long-term solution.”

“You’re dismissed, Lieutenant-Commander. Not a word to anyone,” Chris admonished.

“Yes, sir,” Erica said and left.

“You either, doctor,” Chris said, stepping back, and holding his hand out towards Len’s office.

“Yes, sir,” Len said, letting the door close behind them and setting maximum privacy controls. “I locked the security logs.”

“I saw that. I’ll approve their locked archival after I review them,” Chris said. “But you have an eidetic memory.”

Len smiled at him. “I hadn’t realized you knew that.”

“It becomes apparent after knowing you for a while,” Chris said. He had paid attention over the years. Len’s memory was fantastic and after a while, it became clear why.

“You’re more observant than most people.”

“Starship Captain. Situational awareness will save lives.” He automatically threat assessed every situation.

“Yes, sir.”

“Enough with that. We’re alone.” He put his arms around Len and just held on for a moment. “I still can’t talk about it.”

“I’m not going to ask. Ever.”

“But you know.”

“Not everything. I think the part that she had the most problem with was that Spock lied about something important. I think it might have broken her faith in him.”

“And your faith in me?” Chris asked, sounding uncertain. After all this time.

“Unchanged. I know you. I know that whatever caused you to do what you did, that it was necessary. But even before that, I knew whatever it was, that it had to be cataclysmic, and you did what you thought was right.” He pulled Chris to him and held him tight. “I know you, my darlin’ captain.”

*****

Chris swiped at the buzzing by his ear before he realized that it was his comm badge. It was on emergency override.

“What the fuck,” Len mumbled next to him. “Not mine.”

“No. that’s a private emergency override on mine.” Chris grabbed it. “Mr. Spock. What’s the problem.”

“I am sorry for the late hour, sir, but I believe we must speak immediately. Time is of the essence.”

“Come to my quarters now.”

“Yes, sir.”

Chris pushed himself into a sitting position. At least, he had his sweats on. “I’m going to drop the privacy screens.”

“I’m not getting out of this bed.” Len rolled over and snuggled back down into the bedding.

And Chris wished he could join him. “This is probably not going to be good.”

“I’m sure.” Len sounded like he was on his way back to sleep.

Just as well. He engaged the screens just as he heard the door chime.

“Spock?”

“I’m very sorry to interrupt your rest, but I have spoken with both T’Pring and my parents. I was incorrect that there was nothing they could do for Nurse Chapel.”

“What can they do for her?”

“They, that is the healers on Vulcan, believe that there is a way that a healer can remove the memories of the incident completely. Unfortunately, she will lose all the memories since then.”

“It’s been almost a week.”

“I know. This is usually done immediately.”

“I’m going to have to get her consent for this.”

“Is she even competent to give it?”

“I don’t know.” Chris grabbed his padd off the desk and looked at her records. “She doesn’t list a next of kin. Or an emergency contact. How is that possible?”

“She didn’t have to fill out the same paperwork because she never went to the Academy or Officer Training. She’s a civilian.”

“I’m going to head for Vulcan. I’ll wake up Admiral Barnett. He’s been handling this. I’m going to ask him to have Doctor Carson meet us on Vulcan.”

“I found him to be competent.” Which was high praise coming from Spock.

“I hope that talking to Doctor Carson again will help any of the people who might need him. I’m not going to make it mandatory.”

“Thank you for doing this. I am deeply concerned about Nurse Chapel’s reaction,” Spock said.

“I am as well. Go to bed now. We’ll be at Vulcan in the morning. I need to go wake up Doctor McCoy and get him to unsedate Nurse Chapel.”

*****

“Christine,” Len said, holding her hand. He wasn’t sure how she was going to come out of this.

“Doctor McCoy? What happened?” she asked. Her voice was strained, but she seemed at least lucid.

“What do you last remember?” Len asked.

“Erica came looking for me because I missed lunch with her.”

“Anything after that?”

“I think I had a meltdown about the memories I saw,” Christine said with what sounded like a forced laugh. “Sometimes, it feels so overwhelming to know what I know.”

Len could understand that. “I might have a solution. Apparently, the Vulcans can take the memories. But it’s going to mean that you’ll lose the rest of the memories you had for the past week.”

“I honestly think it would be worth it. I can’t live like this.” She sounded so relieved and so tired.

“All right,” Len said. “I think you should record a log of everything you want to remember from the last week. And delete what you have there now.”

“That’s a good idea. Thanks,” she said. “But you know too. And so does Erica.”

“We are both sworn to secrecy. I’ll never talk about it with anyone.”

“Not even the captain,” she asked.

“Especially not him.”

She nodded. “When?”

“We’re headed towards Vulcan now. We’ll be there shortly.”

“Thank you. Really. Thank you,” Christine said.

“It wasn’t me. It was Mr. Spock. He contacted his parents and T’Pring looking for a solution.”

She nodded again and then looked away. “I can’t let myself forget that he knows how I feel about him.”

“I’m sorry about that.”

*****

A few days later.

“Private communication coming in for you from Admiral Barnett, sir.”

“I’ll take it in my ready room, Lieutenant Uhura.”

“Very good, sir,” she said, transferring the comm, as Chris got to his feet. “You have the con, Number One.”

“What can I do for you, Admiral?” Chris asked, sitting down at his desk.

“I was hoping for an update on your status. You’ve still got the psychologist aboard.”

“If I had my way, we’d keep him.” Not that he thought Billy-Ray would stay on board. But maybe they could find one who would.

“We all know your thoughts on having counselors on ships, Chris,” Richard said.

“I’m right, and you know it.”

“Is everything all right there now?”

“It’s better. But I’ve had another request for a memory wipe and the Vulcans were understandably reluctant. After a week, which was yesterday, they just won’t do it anymore.” Chris sighed.

“How many did they do?”

“Besides Nurse Chapel, only one other.”

“It’s a private thing,” Richard said. “And the least we can give our people is some dignity when this happens.”

“Space exploration is not for the faint of heart,” Chris said. “I’ve had two requests for transfers off the ship.”

“You’ll approve them?”

“Yes. I don’t see that we have much choice. Did you ever find out why this happened?”

“We sent a team there. The blue medical plants where the cuttings were taken were what caused the spores to be released at the persons who cut the plant. It literally was sex pollen.”

Chris wanted to put his head on his desk. “Do we know the actual purpose?”

“I’m not sure there was one, besides the obvious.”

“That doesn’t make sense. Especially on an uninhabited planet.”

“Chris, you of all people know some things in the universe just happen, especially out there. No rhyme or reason.”

“I know. It just –“. Chris sighed. “I always feel there should be something more of an explanation when something like this happens.”

“You and everyone else,” Richard said. “So, we can start to close this out. How long are you keeping the psychologist?”

“Another few days. Some of my crew were more impacted than others. Some of the other crew have requested time with him as well. They’ve all appreciated that there was someone to talk to. I appreciated it as well.”

“Did you have a problem that I should know about?”

“Nothing more than what you already know. I thought I might be more emotionally compromised by what happened to my husband than I was.”

“I understand that. However, I should point out that it’s bordering on unethical for Doctor McCoy to talk to his brother by marriage.”

Chris shrugged. “On the other hand, if it’s not official, then he’s just talking to someone in his family about what happened to him. And if it’s helping him, I don’t care what you call it.”

“You asked for Doctor Carson, specifically.”

“So, I did. He’s very qualified to deal with this. And my crew find him comforting.”

Richard huffed out a laugh. “If he’s helping. That’s all I care about.”

“He is.”

“Plus being who he is, you trust him.” Richard knew him that well.

“That is true,” Chris said.

“Take Doctor Carson with you to Starbase 14 and you can give your crew leave for a few days. Then there’s another mission that is going to require your skills.”

“Of course, sir.”

*****

Chapter Fourteen – He Belongs to Me

Three Months Later

“We’ve gotten an invitation for you to go to Xahea,” Richard Barnett told Chris.

“Xahea? What do they want?” He tried not to think about Xahea and all that it meant. It had been more than six years and if he thought too hard about it…well he just didn’t.

“We aren’t sure. They asked specifically for you.” The question was clear in his tone.

“I know the queen.” Me Hani Ika Hali Ka Po. She had been seventeen during the battle they’d fought with Control. He had wondered how things had gone for her over the years. But they’d never joined the federation, so Chris had no idea.

“Of Xahea? Really. She’s supposed to be some kind of extraordinarily, gifted engineer.”

“Oh, she is that.” At seventeen, she was as good as the best he’d seen in Starfleet.

“And?”

“And,” Chris said with a shrug. If Barnett hadn’t been read into the Discovery incident, then he couldn’t say anything. “It’s classified.”

Barnett blinked at him. Bet there weren’t many people who said that to him anymore. “Well, they asked for you, so you’ll go and make nice with the queen.”

“Not too nice,” Chris said, with a laugh. “I’m a married man.” Plus, he didn’t add, she was a teenager or close enough that it didn’t matter.

“Do what you have to do. We’d like for them to join the federation.”

“I’m sure they would want to know what’s in it for them.” Because they were the ones with the dilithium crystals and the way to recharge them.

*****

“Xahea?” Len said and his tone sounding carefully neutral. He sat down in the chair on the other side of Chris’ desk.

“Do you know something about the planet?” Chris asked.

Len shrugged, a bit too casually. “I’ve spoken to the queen several times.”

“Really? Why?” Chris asked. He could not think of a single reason Len would have had any contact with her at all.

“She, Po, and Mr. Scott have been collaborating to help build the prototype for the ARCD,” Len said still not looking at him.

Well, that was a reason he hadn’t considered. “You’ve never thought to mention this before?” asked Chris, surprised that Len had kept something like this from him.

“I’ve had the distinct impression that you wanted to be left out of the details of what I’m working on,” Len said. “But it wasn’t a secret.”

It was true that he was only following the research at a distance. “How does he even know her.”

“Apparently, all exceptionally brilliant engineers know each other,” Len said with a smile, like it was a joke.

That shouldn’t surprise him, either. But it did. The galaxy was not that small. “Do you know why she’s invited me, us, to Xahea?”

Len looked at him. “I have no idea. I’ve never mentioned anything personal. I doubt she knows I’m married to you. She does know that both Scotty and I serve on the Enterprise, though.”

“And I do as well.”

“How do you know her?”

“It’s classified. But related to everything else.”

“Not asking,” Len said quickly.

******

They beamed down to the palace. It was as beautiful as Chris expected it to be. They materialized in a great hall, which had a throne on a dais at the back of the hall, along with elaborately carved benches along the walls. Mostly, the room was empty. There were no noticeable guards, except at the entrance to the room. They were armed with some kind of phaser pistols on their belts.

The landing party wore their dress uniforms. A group of six from security accompanied them including Commander Noonien-Singh, and they were all armed. He, Len, and Mr. Scott as well as Lieutenant-Commander Ortegas made up the rest of the group. Number One was in command of the ship.

Her Serene Highness stood with a group of people. They were all noticeably older than she was, though she looked a lot more mature than the six years since he had seen her would have suggested. More of an adult, he thought.

“Your Serene Highness –”

“Captain Pike,” she cut him off. “It’s so good to see you again.” She came forward and ran a hand across the top of her chest in greeting. And he did the same.

She hugged him tightly. He didn’t remember her being this tall. She had to have grown eight-ten inches since he’d seen her last.

“I still miss Tilly,” she whispered as she pulled back.

“Me, too,” he said. “It’s been more than six years.”

“I know.” She sniffed and stepped back.

Len was standing close to him. He turned slightly to introduce him. In most situations, he would usually add that Len was his husband. “This is doctor –”

“McCoy?” she asked and looked at Len. And then smiled delightedly.

Len nodded and held out a bowl of ice cream. “Just as you asked for –”

“Oh, you lovely man,” she said. “You are definitely someone I have been waiting to meet.” She leaned up slightly and hugged him.

It went on longer than it should have. And just as Lieutenant-commander Ortegas cleared her throat. Loudly. Len put his free hand on her shoulder and gently moved her back. “Good to meet you too, Po.” Len actually laughed.

She took Len’s hand and said, “I would like to ask you to be my partner for the first dance of the ball tomorrow night,”

“No,” Chris said without thinking too hard about the fact he was answering for Len. “He belongs to me.”

She raised an eyebrow as she looked at him and then back at Len.

Len nodded. “You should have let him finish the introductions. He would have mentioned it in his next sentence.”

At that, Po shrugged and looked unrepentant. “I claim diplomatic immunity.”

“That only worked when you stole the shuttlecraft from Starfleet,” Chris said, trying for a calm tone that would hide his annoyance with her. “There is no immunity in this case. He is my husband.”

“She stole a shuttlecraft?” Ortegas asked, looking just scandalized. “And you let her?”

“It was for a very good cause,” Chris said. This was rapidly spiraling out of control.

“Did she give it back?” Len asked, sounding amused.

“No. I still have it.” Again, Po sounded completely unrepentant.

“Of course, you do,” Chris said. “But you can’t have him.”

“Fair enough. You have the prior claim. Though, what about her?” She nodded to Ortegas.

What? Wait. What was going on here? “That would be up to her,” Chris finally said.

Po turned to look at Ortegas. “Well?”

“What would I be agreeing to?” Ortegas asked as she looked Po up and down.

“Erica?” Now Len sounded horrified.

“What? She’s beautiful.” Ortegas grinned. “And I would certainly sacrifice myself to her, to keep you out of trouble.

Chris wanted to put his head in his hands. This wasn’t happening.

“What about joining me for the opening dance at the ball tomorrow night?” Po said.

“I would be delighted,” Ortegas said with a mischievous smile. “Well, if the captain says it’s okay with him. Sir?”

“If you want to, then I have no objections,” Chris said. As long as it wasn’t going to be Len.

“You and I are going to have a few words about ‘he belongs to me’,” Len whispered in his ear. But at least, he sounded more amused than angry.

“You never gave me my treat,” Po said holding out her hand to Len for the bowl.

“I’m not sure you deserve one after that,” Len said, handing it to her anyway.

“Oh, that is so good.” She said, taking a bite and licking the spoon. “Okay, Captain, we can get on with the introductions, now.”

Chris refused to sigh. He introduced the security team, and Mr. Scott, who also got a hug, but a much more restrained one. “We weren’t told why we were asked here.”

“Oh, as I said, I am having a coming-of-age ball tomorrow night and I wanted you to be there. Plus, since both Scotty and Doctor McCoy were on the ship as well, I thought it would be a good time to talk to them about the project we’re working on.”

“And you just requested this,” Ortegas asked, disbelievingly.

“Why not?”

“Why not, indeed,” Chris said. “What is involved with the ball?”

“Nothing particularly. It’s an excuse to celebrate my birthday. I’m twenty-three tomorrow. And as such, finally an adult. It’s tough being the queen when you’re underage. Many people don’t take you as seriously as they should.” She glanced back at her advisors. All of whom looked shell-shocked by what had just happened.

Chris understood their feelings.

“I bet,” Len said. “Why did you want me for your ball partner? You hadn’t even met me yet.”

Po blushed an interesting shade of orange. “You are a very brilliant doctor. I appreciate intelligence and competence. Sometimes it’s hard to have a conversation with someone who can’t keep up.”

“Thanks,” Len said. “I think.”

“But alas, you are not available. So, your defender seemed like a good next option,” she said. “Now that you and Scotty are here, we can discuss the device. I have some ideas.”

“Of course, you do,” Chris said. Not sure how he felt about the idea that they were called to Xahea for a birthday party. On the other hand, the time crystal would not have been charged without Po’s help. And if that means attending her birthday ball six years later, it was a small price to pay. It was just explaining it to Admiral Barnett without any context that would be the issue.

*****

The captain was scheduled to meet with a delegation from the governing body of Xahea about possibly setting up negotiations for their entry into the Federation. It was very preliminary and only the captain and some of the security personnel would be there. The other security personnel and Erica despite her reluctance, went back to the ship. Len and Mr. Scott spent a few hours working with Po on the device.

The three of them made a lot of progress on the design. Working in person was easier and faster. After they’d finished, Mr. Scott went back to the ship to synthesize some of the parts. Len stayed to talk to Po.

“Po,” Len started. “Why did you ask me to dance like that?”

She looked up from her workbench. “How are you bound to Captain Pike?”

“We’re married. In our world, we take a vow together to say that we love one another and want to be family to each other.” Len opened the neck of his dress uniform jacket and pulled out the chain with his rings on it. “This is a symbol of that love. We both wear these.”

“If you had worn them on the outside, I would not have approached you as I did. You do things differently. I was hoping to kiss you, if you agreed to be my partner for the dance.”

That seemed kind of random to Len. “Why would you want to do that?”

“For someone my age, we have a tradition of kissing someone to see if we suit. I’m supposed to ask permission first. So, by asking you to the ball, that might have been tacit permission for a kiss later.”

“Why me specifically?” Len didn’t want to step on anyone else’s social norms, but this was strange to him.

“You must know that you are very pleasing to look at. Add that to your intelligence and you would make an ideal consort.”

He wasn’t going to address the consort thing. And really, the only time he cared about what he looked like was when Chris told him that he was beautiful. No one else’s opinion mattered to him. “What a person looks like doesn’t tell you anything about who they are.”

“Ah, but I know you. We have been working together for a long time. I know what you are trying to do. And how much it will help so many people. Mine, yours, people you will never know.” She shrugged. “So, I thought I’d ask. Though really, I wasn’t supposed to do that until tomorrow.”

“How can you tell something that important from just one kiss,” Len asked. That seemed unlikely to him. “Is it some kind of chemical reaction or something empathic?

“I believe it to be empathic,” Po said. “When there is a resonance between the two people, they are usually highly compatible. Truthfully, we do not question it. It is a gift.” She looked at him. “I’m sorry I presumed. And truly, I’m glad it’s Captain Pike. He needs someone like you, I think”

“Because I’m intelligent?” Len asked.

Po nodded. “When I stop to consider it, I can tell you are devoted to him. But I also think you challenge him in ways he is not often challenged.”

That was true. But Len wasn’t ready to talk about that with her. “You don’t know me that well.”

“Oh, but I do. You can follow what I say when I forget not everyone is as smart as I am. You are doing work that is for the greater good. –”

“Not just for the greater good. I have a personal stake in this.”

She blinked and raised her fingers to her mouth, her eyes suddenly sad. “The captain saw his future in the crystal. This will help with that?”

He shouldn’t have said anything. “It’s not for me to tell you.”

“I know about the time crystal. I helped them to charge it for Commander Burnham’s time suit. Do you know what happened?”

“Some of it. Who was Commander Burnham.” He knew he shouldn’t ask. And he could not help himself.

“Michael Burnham. She was Spock’s foster sister. And she took the suit, and the Discovery into the future. More than 900 years.”

“I won’t ask for more information. The only reason I care is because it has affected Captain Pike so much.”

“You call him Captain Pike?” she asked.

Len nodded. He was not going to go into the why of it with her. “In company or reference. Whomever you end up finally finding as your partner is going to have to call you by your title as well.”

“I know. I do not like that part. I wish to find someone who is my equal,” she said. “I’m not in the Federation. Their rules do not apply to me. I can tell you what I know of the Discovery and the battle.”

The battle was the last piece. The question was, did he want to know? Of course, he did. But would it be a betrayal of his promise not to ask? Maybe he could help Chris come to terms with all of it. Or was this just satisfying his curiosity about it?

When he didn’t speak, she looked at him. “I see that you are torn on this.”

“I am. And I’ve promised not to ask,” he said. “And it’s late. I should get back to the ship.”

“I will see you tomorrow.”

*****

“How did the negotiations go?” Len asked as he came into Chris’ study in their quarters, later that night.

“They are still in the nascent stages. But I think there are some positive signs. Po supports it.” Chris was surprised he asked. He expected to hear about his actions at the reception. Which he supposed was fair.

Len looked at him and sighed. “Since when are you so possessive of me?”

“I’m not,” Chris said, looking up at him. He could hear what he’d said wasn’t quite as casual as he was trying for. He had never been the possessive or jealous type.

“Then what does ‘He belongs to me’ mean to you, if not a possessive statement?” Len asked. Clearly, he hadn’t expected that from Chris.

And truthfully, Chris wasn’t sure where it came from. “Exactly what it says.”

Len tilted his head toward him. “And you weren’t jealous?”

“I didn’t appreciate her touching you like that,” Chris said. Even he could hear the annoyance in his tone. But what right did she have to touch his husband?

“She hugged you, too,” Len pointed out.

That was true. But it wasn’t the same and Len should know that.

“But –”

“I’d told you long ago that you are the love of my life. That hasn’t changed.” Len sighed. “Besides which, she is far too young for me.”

“The age difference between you and her is almost the same as it is between you and me,” Chris couldn’t help but mention. And he was sure Len could do the math himself.

Len’s snort said that he could. “Even if you weren’t my husband, she still wouldn’t attract me. She isn’t my equal. –”

Some part of Chris’ heart leaped at hearing Len say that. Even though he did know how Len felt about him. Still, part of him couldn’t let it go. “How is that? Because she’s a queen and quite brilliant.”

“Are you trying to convince me?” Len snapped. Then sighed. “What is wrong with you?

“I don’t want to convince you of anything. But –”

“She’s too young. I appreciate her brilliance. It’s been a great help to Scotty and me. But I have no interest in anyone other than you,” Len said, sounding completely exasperated.

He wasn’t sure what to say to Len.

When he didn’t say anything. Len continued, “Why are we even having this conversation? Why are you jealous?” Len stopped for a second and looked right at him. “You’ve never had this happen before, have you? You’ve never cared enough to be jealous.”

Chris could feel his face heat. “Before you, it never mattered. And then, there was you. And it did matter. But in the years we’ve been together, no one has ever tried to engage with you like this. And you’ve never looked at anyone.”

He reached out to tip Chris’ face up so that he could kiss him. “Really. There isn’t ever going to be anyone else.”

“I know. But, she didn’t know you were married,” Chris said.

“She does know now. She said that her people have a tradition of finding their true love with a kiss and that if I agreed to be her partner for the ball, she would’ve kissed me.”

“So, that’s why?” Chris wasn’t sure how he felt about that. “What else did she say?”

Len sat down at the chair next to his desk and sighed. “That she knew me and went on about the research and doing good for many peoples. She made the connection between what I’m doing and the time crystal vision.”

Chris just nodded. “I appreciate what she’s doing to help. I’m sure it will help.”

Len took a breath and said, “She also mentioned the Discovery.”

“Did she tell you?” Chris expected her to. And he wasn’t sure how he felt about it. Len had been very curious about it. And there was some part of him that just wanted to tell him and be done with it. It would be good to have someone to talk about it with. Even this many years after the fact.

“No. She asked if I wanted to know. And I couldn’t decide. Part of me is very curious. That’s my nature.”

That curiosity was probably what made Len as extraordinary as he was. “How much do you know?” Chris asked.

Len looked at him. “Probably almost everything except why the battle was fought.”

That was probably enough to risk telling him the rest. Even if it wasn’t, Len wasn’t going to tell anyone else. Chris sighed and stood. “Come with me.”

He walked into their bedroom and said, “Computer maximum privacy protocols in place. Do not record this conversation. Acknowledge.”

“Privacy Protocols in place. No record. Acknowledged,” the computer said. And he dropped the privacy screens around the room as well.

He waved his hand for Len to sit on the bed.

“You don’t have to do this,” Len said, a strange reluctance in his tone. “Why would you, now?”

“You already know enough that I’m going to risk it. I don’t want you to find out from someone other than me.”

“I told her that I promised not to ask. But I suspect she’ll find a way to tell me anyway.”

Chris took a deep breath. “The battle was fought over a massive archive of information that was downloaded to the Discovery from a dying data sphere we encountered. It had been collecting the data for a hundred thousand years. The artificial intelligence data could have given the AI that controlled Section 31,” Chris stopped. “Do you know who they are?”

“I’ve heard of it. Commander Ash Tyler is head of it now. I have never had any contact with them.”

“How did you know about it, then?”

“I heard you and Mr. Spock talking about it when I first came on board as a cadet. I didn’t listen on purpose, but you were talking just outside my office and if you remember how small it was, I hated to close the door.”

“Damn, your memory.” He didn’t remember the conversation, but he was sure he and Spock were talking without context. But Len could always seem to put the puzzle pieces together.

“Go on then,” Len said with a shrug. “At this point, it’s too late to worry about how I know things.”

That was probably true. Chris continued, “The data would have given the AI a road map to evolve and become sentient. Had it happened, we had certain knowledge that the AI would have destroyed all sentient life in this galaxy. We tried to delete the information. And then tried to destroy the ship. Neither worked. And Control had murdered nearly everyone in Section 31 and was in pursuit of the Discovery and the Enterprise. We fought the battle so that we’d buy Michael Burnham –”

“Po told me who she is.”

“Buy time to open the wormhole and go into the future and take the Discovery and the data with her.”

“I am going to assume since we’re still here now, it worked.”

“It did. But at a huge price.” He sat down next to Len. “Questions?”

“Only how did you know what would happen if the AI got the data?”

As succinctly as he could, Chris explained about Gabriella Burnham and her trips back and forth from the future. He also explained about the seven signals and the red angel.

“I don’t know what to say, except that I knew it had to be something like that. Something that was world-ending for you to have taken part in the coverup.”

Chris just looked at his hands. At this point, he wasn’t sure what he was feeling about telling Len, except relief. “I’m not sure telling you was the right thing to do. But I am glad that it’s not between us anymore.”

“I am as well. So, Tilly was on the Discovery?”

“Yes. Twenty-two-year-old Ensign Sylvia Tilly, in the command training program. Another brilliant engineer. She and Po met somehow, and the details of that are kind of sketchy. When we went to Xahea, she worked with the Queen.”

“Who charged the time crystal. Which you got from the time monks on Boreth and paid a life-altering price for.” He stood, and pulled Chris to his feet, then put his arms around him.

Chris leaned into him. Taking the comfort, he was offering. “Pretty much sums it up.”

Len let out a huge sigh. “This was not how I expected tonight to go. I thought I’d tease you a little about being jealous, forgetting of course, that you have zero experience with having any kind of relationship aside from me. I am sorry for that.”

Again, he wasn’t quite sure what to say about that. “For what? That I had no experience with relationships before I met you, or my jealousy, or knowing about the truth,” Chris asked. “It’s difficult to admit that I was jealous. With no reason.”

“I did know that you were,” Len kissed him and pulled back to say, “I just couldn’t understand why. But of course, jealousy isn’t a rational thing. Are you okay with Po and me, and what she did?”

“It annoyed me. And I was surprised by how much. I’d never thought of myself as possessive or the jealous type before this.”

“You’ve also never been in love with anyone before.”

Chris kissed him again. “I haven’t. Sometimes, I just don’t know what I’m doing.”

*****

The security team again led by Commander Noonien-Singh beamed down first and she commed back that they should beam down. There were six of them this time. Spock and Number One were included in the invitation.

Po approached their group.

Chris ran a hand across his chest and started to say, “Your Serene Highness –”

She returned the gesture. “Just Po, please Captain Pike. We’re old friends now. I know you,” she said looking at Spock.

He also ran a hand over his chest. “It is good to see you again your –”

“Ah,” she held up a hand.

“Po,” he said. And it felt like he was smiling without actually doing so. “It is good to see you again.”

“We didn’t actually meet,” Number One said.

“No. Commander. It’s nice to meet you in person.”

And finally, she got to Ortegas, who did look very presentable in her dress uniform. “You know, I never got your full name,” Po said.

“Lieutenant-Commander Erica Ortegas,” she said, with a small bow.

“Me Hani Ika Hali Ka Po. Or just Po,” she said, her hand moving across her upper chest in Xahean greeting.

“Anything I should know ahead of time, your Serene –”

“Call me Po, too. And no, once we’ve danced a bit,” she said. She looked at Chris. “You and Doctor McCoy will join us.”

“Of course, Po,” Chris said with a smile.

“I’m just hoping something I know will fit what they are dancing,” Len whispered.

“It’s all about counting the beat,” Chris said.

The band started and Po held her hand out to Ortegas. Who took it and bowed from the waist. They started to dance and not surprisingly, Ortegas danced well.

She signaled and he took Len in his arms and moved to the music. It was similar to a waltz in that it was in 3 / 4 time. Len looked relieved and they switched who led back and forth. In theory, whomever was taller led, but he and Len were nearly the same height. And they’d practiced leading and following over the years.

After the first dance, he watched Ortegas lead Po in another one, but he and Len moved to the sidelines. The security team hovered around them. Finally, Po led Ortegas off the floor and that was a signal that he and Len could leave.

Ortegas approached them.

“Sir?” she said and straightened up. “I’ve been asked to accompany her Serene Highness after the ball to a shared meal. She tells me it’s traditional.”

“I don’t have a problem with that, but we are planning to leave at 0900 ship’s time tomorrow morning. Since you’re driving, you need to be on the ship before that.”

“Yes, sir.” Ortegas just smirked at him.

As she walked away, Chris said, “So do you suppose that Lieutenant-commander Ortegas is likely to get a goodnight kiss, tonight.”

Len laughed. “I’m sure she’s looking forward to it.”

*****

Len caught up with Erica at the Port Galley after their shift the next day. He had some time since it was Chris’ night to have dinner with the crew.

Erica sat down next to him and put her head on the table. “I am so tired. I got no sleep last night.”

Len smiled at that. “I assume a good time was had by all.”

She looked up then. Her eyes were sad. “Leaving her this morning, was the hardest thing I think I’ve ever done.”

That was not something he thought he’d ever hear from Erica. “Seriously? Did you kiss her?”

She nodded. “A lot.”

“And?”

“What do you want me to say?” Erica asked. She did not sound as happy as Len might have expected her to be.

Maybe there was more to it than he knew. “Are you allowed to say?”

“No. I think it’s pretty obvious that whatever thing she was looking for, she found.”

“Then why do you look like that,” Len asked, still confused about what was going on here.

Erica let out a huge sigh. “Because I’m going to have to leave Starfleet to be with her. But I told her that I wouldn’t leave until after Captain Pike was promoted off the Enterprise.”

He hadn’t thought of that. “Of course. She’s the Queen of Xahea.”

“And they don’t even belong to the Federation yet.”

“Yet?”

“Well, I belong to the Federation, so for me to stay there, they’ll have to join. Or so Po tells me. I think she’s been pushing for Xahea to join for a while now. That was part of why she wanted Captain Pike to meet with her team.”

“Starfleet will be pleased when they do, but you don’t sound happy about any of this,” Len pointed out.

She looked pretty wrecked. “I’ve found my true love. Or so I’ve been told.”

“You don’t believe it?”

“I’m not sure what I believe anymore. But when I was with her last night, it felt so right. Perfectly right.” She looked at him. “What was it like when you were with the captain?”

“I loved him, probably from the first night. But we had different obstacles than you will have. You were around for most of that.”

“This is going to be different, too. I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but when she and I bond — they don’t do weddings as such — I’ll be,” she choked and looked kind of horrified. “A fucking princess.”

Len tried hard to keep his face straight, he really did, but finally, he burst out laughing. “Sorry. Does she know what she’s getting into?”

“I tried to tell her,” Erica said. “I don’t think she understands.”

“She’ll learn.”

“God, Len. How is this my life?”

“You’re just lucky, I guess.” Len patted her on the shoulder.

*****

Chapter Fifteen – Hope Where There Was None

Five Months Later

“Incoming communication for you from Admiral April, sir,” Uhura said.

He’d been expecting this. They were headed back to Earth. The five-year mission was over. He was due to be promoted to fleet captain. “I’ll take it in my ready room,” he said, standing. “You have the con, Number One.”

“Yes, sir,” Una said.

He settled into his desk and took the comm. “What can I do for you, Admiral?”

“I just wanted to be the first to congratulate you on your coming promotion to fleet captain.”

Chris sighed. “Thank you, sir. I appreciate that.”

“You might sound like it,” Bob said. “Time is moving on.”

“It is.”

“I’m assuming Doctor McCoy will be coming with you,” Bob said.

“He is my husband, so I assume that, as well.”

“You haven’t talked to him about it.”

Chris shook his head. “Not a lot. But he’s made it clear that he plans to set up a lab and work at the ‘Fleet hospital.”

“I’m sure that whatever he want works for them,” Bob said.

“Yes. I am as well. What is the timeline for this.”

“The promotion will have gone through by the time you get here. There’s a ceremony and all the pomp and circumstance.”

“Who is getting the Enterprise.”

“New Captain, James T. Kirk.”

Yeah, he’d known that was probably going to happen. “I don’t know him.”

“He’s a fine officer.” There was a slight hesitation in Bob’s voice.

“Except?” Chris asked.

“He wants your CMO.” That was an odd way to put it.

Chris wasn’t sure what to make of that. “Kirk can’t have him. Doctor McCoy belongs to me.”

“And don’t we all know that?” Bob said with a smirk. “He wants Doctor McCoy to stay on the ship. And he’s asked about him with at least three of us.”

“And none of you told him that Doctor McCoy is my husband?”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Bob had the audacity to laugh.

Chris let out a long sigh. “I’ll warn Len to keep an eye out for him.”

*****

“Shouldn’t you be getting ready to leave the ship,” Erica said as she came into Sickbay.

He hated saying goodbye under the best of circumstances, but this was going to be the worst of them. “I’ve got a lot of work to do to secure the Sickbay for the next CMO.”

She put her duffle and other stuff down. “Yeah. I know. Almost everyone else has gone. I just wanted to say goodbye. I’m leaving for Xahea tomorrow.”

“I know. I’m going to miss you, Erica.” He came around his desk and pulled her into his arms. He was always surprised at how small she was.

“Me too, Len. But it’s not like we won’t see each other. Po is still working with you on the radiation-cleaning device. And you’re going to stand with me during the bonding ceremony.”

“I know. I’m just being sentimental. What are you going to do after you’re bonded? I can’t see you doing the princess thing.”

She laughed. “Yeah. No. I’ll probably work as the head of their space transportation agency. It’s an appointed job, but I will probably do it for real rather than delegate.”

“That doesn’t sound bad. And now that Xahea has joined the Federation, it will keep you in touch with everyone.”

“It’s going to be so different from what I saw myself doing before I met Po. I really thought I’d end up with a ship of my own one day.”

“Now it looks like you’ll have a whole fleet,” Len said. “But having Po will make it worth the effort.”

“You’re speaking from experience, I take it,” Erica said. “It’s going to be so different, that is for sure.”

Len nodded. “It wasn’t always easy with Captain Pike, but we worked together to get things right. And I’ve gained so much more than I ever thought I’d have.”

“I feel the same way about Po.” She picked up her duffle and bag. “I’ll comm you once I know more details about the bonding. ”

“Take care, my friend,” Len said and hugged her again.

“You too.”

*****

Chris came in not too much after that. “Almost ready to go?”

“I still have work to do. And with all the interruptions, it is going to take me a while longer.” He wasn’t angry at Chris or the interruptions, but he did want to get this done before he left. “Go away, Captain.”

“Well, that wasn’t very nice,” Chris said in a playful tone.

That was the last thing Len needed right now. “I have to get this done, if I want to get off this ship at any time in the near future.”

“Nearly everyone has gone.” Chris sat down on his desk. “I’ll wait for you.”

“Don’t you have people to say goodbye to?”

“Most are coming back to see me give the Enterprise to James Kirk.”

“How do you feel about that?” Len asked.

Chris shrugged. “It’s what has to happen.”

Len looked at him. There was a giant elephant in the room that they weren’t going to talk about. Time had moved on.

“Captain Pike,” Una’s voice came through his comm. “Captain Kirk is asking for permission to come aboard to speak to Doctor McCoy.”

“Sure. Permission Granted,” Chris said. “He’s coming to talk to you about staying on the Enterprise.”

Len looked up startled at that. “What? Really?”

“Yes,” Chris said. “He thinks he can convince you to stay.”

“Why on Earth would he think that?” he asked, barely keeping his annoyance out of his tone. He could see this was something else.

“Because you’re an excellent doctor and I hoped to convince you to continue to be an asset to this ship,” Kirk said from the doorway.

“No one has bothered to tell you that the only reason I’m on this ship at all is because of him,” Len nodded toward Chris.

Kirk looked confused. “Aren’t you married, sir?” He addressed that to Chris.

“You are correct, Captain.” Chris smiled. “But the doctor belongs to me. Don’t you, Len?”

“Of course, sir,” Len said, lowering his eyes while trying to keep a straight face. He could follow Chris’ lead.

“I’ve told you that you can call me Chris,” Chris said.

“And I’ve told you I won’t do that, sir. Ever,” Len said, keeping his eyes down. If he looked at Chris, he would end up laughing hysterically.

Poor Kirk looked absolutely bewildered.

“What is going on here?” Kirk asked, his eyes moving between the two of them. Clearly, he wasn’t connecting all the dots, yet.

“You’ve been pranked by the admiralty,” Chris said, taking Len’s hand and his own and holding their hands up together to show their matching engagement and wedding rings. “I am married. And so is Doctor McCoy. To each other.”

Kirk shook his head and laughed. “Okay, that would be why you’re not interested in staying on the Enterprise. Why didn’t I know this?”

“It’s actually in the personal section of either of our files,” Len said. “Under next of kin.”

“Which I didn’t bother to read. I never got past what an amazing doctor you are and that I wanted you to stay on my ship.”

“Captain, why don’t you take Captain Kirk and give him a tour or something? I need to finish up here. So, out, both of you.”

Chris laughed. “Come on then, you heard him. Trust me on this, you want to do what your CMO tells you to do.”

As they were walking out, he heard Kirk ask, “Does he really call you sir, all the time?”

“Yes,” Chris said. “It’s become something of a joke between us. But it didn’t start that way.”

“I bet there’s a story there.”

Chris just laughed. “Come on, I’ll tell you about it, Captain.”

*****

They finally made it back to their house in San Francisco. There were boxes everywhere. It was amazing the number of things he and Len had collected over the years on the ship. They would be living here now, and Chris loved this place. But he would miss the Enterprise and her crew. “What do you want to do for dinner?”

“Whatever you’d like to cook, I’ll eat.” Len put his duffle down. “Did you tell Captain Kirk about why I called you sir?”

“I did. I probably should have asked if you minded, shouldn’t I?”

“I heard you tell him you would. If I’d minded that much, I would have said something then. It’s embarrassing. But it’s long over. And I made up for it in the next four years.”

“Are we going to talk about this?” Chris asked. He knew neither one of them wanted to talk about it, but maybe they should.

“I assume we have a little less than a year.”

“That’s what I think as well,” Chris said. As the days got closer, he was afraid the tension between them would tighten as well. “I wish there was some way to make this easier on you.”

Len snorted. “On me? You’re the one who has to go through this. I’m just the guy who is going to hopefully be able to fix you once you’re –” Len closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Sorry. I am not dealing with this as well as I was hoping I would. It’s getting too close. I don’t feel like I have enough time to perfect the ARCD.”

“You told me years ago that it wouldn’t be perfect. That it would be better than what I had seen for my recovery.” Chris looked at his hands. They were trembling. “I haven’t wanted to ask, because there was never going to be anything else I could do. I have to do this –”

“I know you do. I understand. I have worked all these years to make sure you survived it, if not completely intact, then still able to enjoy your life. I honestly don’t care about anything else.”

Chris held out his arms and Len walked into them. He buried his face in Len’s neck. “I love you. You know that. I don’t want to leave you.”

Len’s voice was thick, and he was trembling as badly as Chris was. “I think we’re both terrified of this.” He pulled back and put a hand on Chris’ face. “Do you know what the first thing that attracted me to you was?”

It was probably the wrong answer, but Chris said, “My looks.”

“No. Your kindness. Your looks are,” Len smiled a little. “Gorgeous, but who you are is so much more important than what you look like. I still remember thinking that your smile went all the way to your eyes.”

Chris felt a breath hitch in his chest. He leaned forward and kissed him. “Thank you.”

“And I know, in the future, your looks are going to change. And I don’t care about that. I only care that you are still going to be you.”

That was the problem. “I might not be me anymore. I might not survive or survive as myself.”

“You will survive. I can’t promise you that the recovery you’ll face will be easy. I know it won’t be. But I can promise you that you won’t face it alone. I will be there. And I promise you that I will love you no matter what you look like.”

Chris closed his eyes against the sting, his throat tightening. He hadn’t realized how badly he needed to hear that. “I think I told you once that you could bring me to my knees with just a few words. You just did it. Thank you, my beloved.”

The nickname never failed to make Len smile. “You should have known this already. It’s who I am.”

“I did. I do,” Chris said, quietly. It humbled him that Len could say that out loud the way he just did. He still had trouble getting words like that out. “I know who you are and what you mean to me, too.”

Len kissed him again in answer.

*****

Eight Months Later

When the day came, Chris was still surprised when the battle plate exploded. But there was no question he would do what needed to be done. And he did. He got as many of the cadets out of the engine room as he could before he lost consciousness. Even with the all-consuming pain of the radiation eating through his flesh and bones, his last thought was of Len. Not whether he’d save Chris. But how much he loved him and how much he didn’t want to leave him.

*****

“Doctor McCoy, incoming trauma patient, OR room 10,” Phil Boyce’s voice burst out of his comm. “Please acknowledge.”

“Acknowledged. Who, Phil.”

“It’s Chris.”

“I’m on my way.” There was no hesitation as he flew through the door of his office and hit the stairs at a run. Even knowing this was coming, he was still shocked that it happened.

He hoped to God, they’d gotten him into stasis quickly enough. It was standard protocol now with any burn patient. The device that he, Po, and Scotty had worked on had already gone through three prototypes. The one he would use would be the fourth. It wasn’t perfect. But it was so much more than he’d hoped for.

“Report,” he snapped as he came into the OR. And he could see that the stasis field had been activated when it should have been.

One of the security people said, “Battle plate exploded during the captain’s review of the cadets in engineering. He got them out. And was trapped in the lockdown. The CMO on the ship got him into stasis, but it was a few minutes.”

“Condition,” Len asked as he looked over the readings. Terrible readings.

“He’s stable in the stasis. But once it drops –”

“We’ll use the ARCD on him now.” They could do a certain amount of healing while the patient was in stasis. But it was limited. He could clean out some, but not all of the radiation. And once they took him out of stasis, the radiation poisoning would start to disrupt his cells again.

“Yes, sir.”

“Everyone out except my team,” Len ordered.

No one argued with him. And he started to work. It was a long and tedious process, and he stayed focused on the task at hand. Every four hours he needed to take a break, recharge the device and give his team a few minutes. He didn’t want them dropping before they could complete the job. He needed a short break after eight hours. And then every four hours after that. At the eighteenth-hour mark, he had done as much as he could. And the device would no longer recharge. They had pushed it farther than it was designed to go.

He tried to check the reading on the biobed, but his eyes had stopped focusing. He blinked them several times and the reading came into focus. Chris was breathing on his own. There would be a lot of regeneration of his tissues and bones needed. He’d lost an eye, but that could be replaced easily enough. His vocal cords were severely damaged, and that would also need to be fixed. Though likely Chris would probably have a raspier voice. In time, he would probably be able to walk again. Though probably not without an aid of some kind. All in all, there was a lot of hope.

And Len was so relieved. “It will be a few days before we can let him wake up.”

Len stepped back from the bed, and someone pushed him into a chair. He looked up at his brother by marriage. “Billy-Ray? What are you doing here.”

“I’m going to take care of you. Our whole family and friends are in the waiting room. And Phil is going to go out to tell everyone that Chris is alive and going to stay that way.”

Len was beyond the point of processing anything. There was nothing left inside him. He could not deal with anything more.

“I think you probably want a shower and then bed. Come on Lenny, let’s get you out of here.”

Len let himself be helped to his feet, and then an arm around his shoulder led him out of the room where Chris was, into the doctor’s locker room. Billy-Ray stripped him and handed him a towel and nudged him toward the showers. He stood under the spray and let the hot water revive him a little. There was soap and shampoo and he washed mechanically. Then, wrapped the towel around his waist and went back into the locker room.

Billy-Ray helped him into some clean scrubs and a soft sweatshirt. But Len stopped thinking after that. He was going wherever Billy-Ray led him.

*****

“Come on, now, let’s get you to bed.” He touched his comm badge. “This is Doctor William Carson. Authorization 54B62G9.”

“This is hospital transportation center. What can I do for you?”

“Can you beam me and Doctor McCoy into his temporary quarters?”

“Energizing.”

They materialized a second later in a room with a very big bed. “Beth?”

“Here,” she said coming out of the bathroom. “Let’s get him into the bed. You go shower and change.”

By the time he got out again, dressed in sweats, she was in bed with her brother, and he was asleep.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

Billy-Ray sighed. “Yes. As well as I can be. You?”

“How is Chris?”

“Going to live. Did you talk to Phil?”

“No. I was in the waiting room with everyone else. It was packed. I just heard that he was alive. I’m assuming it’s going to be a long haul for him.”

“Yes. I think for both of them. For all of us.”

“Goes without saying. Come on, you’ve been up more than twenty-four hours.” She waved him over to the bed and he got in so that Len was between them.

“At least, I was sitting for most of it. Len stood on his feet and operated. I have never seen anything like it.”

“We can congratulate him later. Go to sleep.”

“Yes, ma’am.” But he was so tired that he was asleep as soon as he was horizontal.

*****

Len woke up warm. Between two people. He could hear both of them breathing. This was not at all what he was expecting. He opened his eyes and saw Beth’s face. She was still asleep. He assumed the massive lump of blankets behind him was Billy-Ray. That was nice of them. He’d been pretty out of it last night.

Surprisingly, he felt better for the sleep. Now, he needed to get dressed and check on Chris. And also talk to Phil about putting together a detailed recovery plan.

“You okay, Len?” Beth whispered.

“Sorry to wake you,” he said. “I need to get dressed.” He put his hand on her face. “Thank you. I –”

“You’re our brother. We are all here for both of you.”

“Can you wrangle everyone? I’m not fit company yet. I’m going to go check on Chris. Maybe breakfast in a couple of hours.”

She just nodded. And he crawled down the huge bed to the foot — where had they even gotten this thing — and stood. His emergency duffle was on the floor. There was a change of clothes in it.

Dressed, he left the room as quietly as he could. First thing: Chris. Then coffee.

The readings were better than he’d hoped for. But they weren’t perfect. And while there would be recovery, there would probably also be some disability. Just what, he wasn’t sure yet. There was also a lot more surgery ahead.

“Len?” Phil said, coming to stand next to him. “How do you feel?”

“Okay. I was out of it when I was done. But Billy-Ray and Beth took care of me.”

“Good. I talked to your family and friends and let them all know the status. You’ll need to talk to them, soon.”

“I asked Beth to have everyone come to breakfast. I’ll see them in a few hours.” He looked at Phil. He looked like he’d aged a lot in the last day or so. “How are you? Chris is your best friend. Even knowing this was coming –”

“I’m okay, too. Grateful that he’d going to survive better than he’d thought.” Phil sighed, running a hand over his face. “He never talked to me about it, except in a general way. He’d accepted that this was his fate.”

“He had. But he wouldn’t discuss any of it with me, either. I just continued to do what I could to make sure he was going to be able to recover.”

“He’s going to have a long haul. And several more surgeries. Do you have a plan for that?” Phil asked.

“We have a team put together, and I need to be the participating spouse, not a doctor on it.”

“I agree. It’s not going to be easy for you to step back. You’ve been on the leading edge of the research and development on the device that saved him.”

“I’m going to continue to try and perfect the ARCD. That isn’t going to stop here. We need to incorporate what we’ve learned using it on Chris. But that is for another time,” Len said.

Phil nodded. “Now, who would you like on the recovery team.”

*****

Beth met Len outside the room where she’d set up breakfast for everyone. There was a glass window looking in, and it looked like the room was packed with people. He recognized everyone.

“How many people,” he asked.

“At any given time, there were twenty to thirty people in the waiting room.” Beth didn’t seem surprised by the number. “People have commed and are coming by. Everyone who is in San Francisco and who knows Chris.”

“I’m overwhelmed. I’ve never been that good with this many people,” Len said. There was a part of him that wanted to go off in a corner and ignore everyone in that room. But he knew that wasn’t an option.

“I know it’s going to be hard for you. But just go in and talk to them a few at a time,” Beth said, putting a hand on his arm for a moment.

“I’ll try,” he said. And moved towards the door. “I do appreciate it, Beth. What you and Billy-Ray did last night went above and beyond.”

She put her hand back on his and squeezed. “Len, we love you. We love Chris. This is what family does. We are both here for the duration.”

He tried to smile. He knew that. He pushed open the door and heard Joanna say, “Daddy!”

She threw her arms around him and held onto him tightly.

“Oh, my baby girl,” he said, and his voice cracked.

“I’m fourteen,” she said, her voice thick with tears. “Not a baby anymore.”

“I know, honey. But you’ll always be my baby girl. I love you,” Len said.

She sniffed and nodded. “Me too, Daddy. How is Dad doing?”

“He’s gonna be okay. After a while.”

“When is he going to wake up?” she asked.

“Probably not for a bit. Maybe as many as ten or twelve days.”

“That’s a long time to be asleep.”

“He needs to have more surgery and then to heal,” he said.

“Len,” his mom said. And he let go of Joanna to hug her.

“Momma.” He held her and took a deep breath and then another. No, he was not going to fall apart yet. After Chris woke up. He tightened his arms around her. “Thank you for being here.”

“Where else would I be,” she said, stepping back. “I’m not the only one darlin'”

Erica came forward. “Len,” she said, hugging him. “Is Chris going to be okay?”

“I think so. Where’s Po?”

“Home. I had to come. Po’s pregnant, and they won’t let her off the planet,” Erica said with a little grin. “She’s carrying the heir and all. She sends her best.”

Len chuckled at that. “Her best made a huge difference. We were able to do so much more with this latest prototype. Tell her thank you again for me.”

“She has a vested interest. It’s going to help her–our people, too.”

He continued on, talking to everyone in the room. Admirals April, Barnett, and Batel all promised their support.

At the back, there was a woman he didn’t know.

“Doctor McCoy,” the woman said. “I’m Laura Lopez, Captain Pike saved my daughter Andrea in the accident yesterday. I just wanted to thank him, and you. And if there’s anything my family can do for yours, we would be honored to do it.”

And that was why Chris had done it. Len couldn’t speak, so he just shook his head. She took his hand for a moment. There were no words either of them could say. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, praying he didn’t fall apart.

When he opened his eyes. She was gone. And he took several deep breaths and steadied himself. There was still work to do.

Beth appeared at his side. “Who was she?”

“The parent of one of the cadets Chris saved.”

She smiled and took his hand. “I’ll walk you back to medical.”

“Thanks.

*****

Chris knew he was probably dreaming, or maybe this was his life flashing before his eyes. But it seemed real. Not as real as the Talosian’s images, so maybe it was a dream.

And then, he was standing in his old quarters on the Enterprise. And the future version of him was there as well.

“This is a dream,” he said. “You’re not really here this time.”

“It is and it isn’t,” the other him said with his own smile. That was so disconcerting. They were the same age now, or he might even be the older one.

“This is me, telling you, that your future isn’t written yet.”

Oh, Chris wished that was going to be true. “You’re presupposing that I’m going to survive what just happened to me.”

“You’ve already survived it. You survived it in the original timeline. Before your Doctor McCoy made it possible for you to recover and have a real chance at a life after it.”

For some reason, it was important for him to know, “What finally happened to me in the original timeline?”

The other him hesitated. “Spock was contacted by the keepers on Talos IV. He risked court-martial and the death penalty to get you there. They took you in and let you live out your life there. With Vina.”

That would have been less appealing in these circumstances. “I never met Len?”

“There was no Leonard McCoy in my life, but my life happened after you wrote the note to Maat Al-Salah. The timeline splintered there.”

“But I had already spent the first night with him before that,” Chris pointed out. Shouldn’t he, the other him, have known that?

But it seemed to surprise him. “Then, it must have been a completely alternate timeline. I didn’t ever meet him. I do know that he served for many years on the Enterprise as CMO under Captain Kirk.”

“I’m sorry for that. He has become everything to me, –”

“He’s made the difference in your fate.” His other self sounded sad.

Part of him wanted to ask if he ever had anyone in his life. But he knew the answer. If it hadn’t been Len, it wasn’t going to be anyone. “Do I keep him in my life?”

His other self smiled with that amused half-smile Chris used a lot. “I don’t know. If you do something stupid to lose him, it will be your own fault.”

“So, yes.” Chris was relieved to hear that.

“As I said, your future is unwritten and unknown to me.”

“What about my survival in this timeline,” Chris asked. “What did you tell me before that it was world-ending? And what about Spock?”

“You are not going to be on the bridge of the Enterprise when they encounter the Romulans.”

“That’s going to be Jim Kirk, isn’t it.”

“He’s going to make a different decision than you would have done.”

Chris knew that. But it was no longer his decision to make. And he could live with that. “And the world doesn’t end? And Spock lives.”

“It doesn’t end there. Spock survives that encounter.”

That was probably the best answer Chris was going to get. He supposed he could live with that, too. “And what about me here and now?”

“You’ve got a lot of work ahead of you.”

Chris knew whatever was coming would challenge him to his limits, but after everything, he knew he could meet the challenge. “I’m not afraid of hard work.”

“I know,” the other him said, as he started to fade away.

*****

Chris swam up through the haze of drugs that were keeping the pain at bay and reached for consciousness. He was alive, and while he could feel the pain in the distance, he could also think. He thought he could feel his fingers and his toes. That was good. Nothing was helping him breathe and he could hear the hum of the biobed sterile field.

“He’s awake,” he heard an unfamiliar voice say.

“Chris,” Len’s voice was strained. Tired maybe. “Come on, now darlin’, open your eyes for me.”

He tried. “Dark,” he rasped. Was that his voice? It didn’t sound right to him. “Len?”

“I am here, my darlin’. Open your eyes for me.”

Chris managed this time. Now everything was blurry. He blinked a few times. And it cleared. He saw Len’s face. And a wave of relief went through him. He could see and talk. That was better than he had hoped for.

“Survived?” He could feel the pain everywhere, now. And it was starting to encroach on him. He wasn’t going to be able to stay awake much longer.

“Oh, you certainly did, my darlin’.” He felt Len’s hand on his, squeezing, and a kiss on his head.

“Love you,” he whispered with the last of his consciousness fading.

“I love you too, my darlin’,” Len’s voice cracked. “Sleep now. I’ll be here when you wake again.”

He let himself go back to sleep. Len would be there when he woke up again. He always kept his promises.

*****

It had been ten days since the accident. The surgeries had all gone well, and Chris had even regained consciousness this morning. Chris was still in a sterile field, but only for another day or two. Len came back late that night and sat down by Chris’ bed.

He slid his hand inside the field and took Chris’ hand, then rested his head on the edge of the biobed with his eyes closed. His breath was already starting to hitch, and his eyes stung. He’d held off any kind of reaction until Chris was stable.

He didn’t want anyone to see him fall apart. Though he knew the bed was monitored, he was sure that whoever was doing it would not be surprised to see a sobbing spouse. A grateful sobbing spouse at that.

He wasn’t quite to the point of sobbing, but there were tears on his face when he felt Chris’ hand move against his.

“Darlin’?” He whispered, wiping his face, and raising his head to see Chris’ eyes flutter open.

“Len?” Came his raspy voice. “You okay?”

“Good. Better every time I see you awake.”

Chris cleared his throat. “Thought I heard you crying.”

“You did. I’m grateful you’re alive. How do you feel?”

“Some pain,” he said and then gave him that half smile. “In the background. Pain meds?”

“All the good drugs,” Len said. “Only for a while. You need them now to heal.”

He looked dubious. “My voice?”

“Is raspy from replacing your vocal cords. Your eyes are also slightly different colors now.”

“They work. What else?”

He wasn’t sure how much Chris would remember but, he said, “Close to 40% of your body had massive radiation burns. But the device eliminated a lot of it. The muscle and bone and tissue have been regenerated.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning lots of PT to learn to use it all again.”

“Years,” Chris said.

“Probably. And it’s going to hurt, too. To rebuild all the muscles from scratch.”

“Better than the alternative. ” Chris’ eyes were closing and his words were slurred. “Thank you, my beloved.”

“Sleep, my darlin'” Len stood and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

He sat again and put his head back on the edge of the bed, and let himself give in to his terror, grief, and absolute relief.

*****

Epilogue

Two and a half years later.

The Lyon Street Steps near the Academy had 332 steps up, and Chris had promised himself he would climb them again before he was done. That had been more than two years ago. He was now on Broadway, after having climbed up all of them. He was sure there were people who could do it faster than he had. But he was at the top. Breathing hard, sweating profusely, and probably going to pay for it for days, but God damn it, he’d made it to the top without help.

He stood with his hands, braced on the back of a bench as he caught his breath. It had taken a long time to get back to himself. Or what passed for it these days. And it was every bit as hard as everyone said it would be.

There were times when he sat in the PT room, with tears in his eyes because it hurt so badly that he couldn’t bear to take another step. But as soon as the pain receded and he could force himself to do it, he’d get back up and hit it again. And Len was with him every step of the way and so was their whole family. He knew that he would not have made it back without all of them.

“Chris!” Len said, walking towards him. “Just what the hell do you think you’re doing? I thought I told you that you weren’t to do this without someone there with you.”

Chris gave him a slight smile. Over the course of his PT, Len had picked up this annoying habit of telling him what to do. And worse yet, expecting him to do it. “Since when do you think I’m going to obey you? And do you really think I don’t know that Derek Vance is around here somewhere?”

Len huffed at him. “I didn’t know you knew about him.”

“He isn’t the best admin I’ve ever had. I couldn’t understand why he was assigned to me. So, I pulled his file and when that proved uninformative, I asked a favor of my good friend, Captain Kirk. Imagine my surprise when he sent me a completely different file.”

Vance had been Chief of Security on the Lexington and had transferred in to be his admin. He had volunteered for the job. It never failed to amaze Chris that he’d done it.

Len’s face was red. “Since when are you friends with Captain Kirk?”

“Since he took my ship. We exchange comms now and again. He asks for advice once in a while.” Kirk had written to him after the accident asking if there was anything he could do. Which of course there wasn’t, but they kept exchanging comms.

“Oh,” Len said. “How much do you know?”

“All of it. Vance’s youngest sister was one of the cadets I saved and that he volunteered to be my babysitter. Also, you interviewed Vance, didn’t you?” That wasn’t a question since he knew that Len had done it.

“What did you expect? You went back to work against all advice. Someone had to watch you when I wasn’t there,” Len snapped.

“Spending a few hours a day in my office was good for me, mentally. And you know it,” Chris snapped back.

“I’m not arguing with you about that,” Len said. “But eighteen months ago, you couldn’t even walk, yet. You were an easy target.”

“Who was going to attack me in my office,” Chris asked, folding his arms over his chest.

“It’s the walking around and finding every flight of stairs in this city where you’re not safe,” Len said.

“If I fall, I can call for help,” He pointed to the comm on his shirt. “And I made it to the top. Without supervision, well visible supervision.” Chris could not help but grin. “After everything, all the hard work, I am finally back to some kind of reasonable fitness.”

Len’s face softened and there was a smile trying to form on his mouth. “What am I going to do with you?”

“Well, I can think of several things. But maybe not on the street like this.” He put a hand on Len’s face and leaned in to kiss him.

“You’re all sweaty,” Len murmured against his mouth, his finger tracing the scar on Chris’ face tenderly. He touched it a lot. “I think we should go home. And maybe you’ll get lucky tonight.”

“I’m already as lucky as I ever expected to be in my life.” He leaned into Len’s touch on his face. He wasn’t as pretty as he used to be. Len said over and over that the scars were a reminder that Chris had survived a catastrophic injury. “Want to walk home?”

“No. You should have a car and driver anyway, Admiral.” But he started down the street and Chris followed him. Even after that climb, he wasn’t in as bad a shape as he thought he might be.

And no, he would never be where he’d been before the accident. There would always be a weakness on his right side. Sometimes when he was tired, he still had to use a cane.

It was enough that he was able to walk without aid, to see, talk and feel, and to not live a life made up of nothing but pain and drugs. Having Len’s support and the support of his family and friends made all the difference in his recovery.

“I do not need a car and driver when I can walk, thank you very much,” Chris said. “I love to walk around this city.”

“Don’t I know it. You never give yourself a break.”

“You don’t come back from what I came back from by going easy on yourself,” Chris pointed out.

“You keep saying that, Admiral.”

“Don’t think I won’t, beloved.”

At that, Len stopped and turned. “I’m grateful beyond words that you are well enough to argue with me.”

“I know. But don’t expect it to stop. Ever.”

“I’m looking forward to a long, long life of arguing with you about doing too much.” Len kissed him again.

“Is Joanna coming by tonight?”

“She came by. That’s why I knew what damned fool thing you were attempting.”

“I didn’t just attempt it. I did it.” And that just made Chris feel excellent.

“You drive me crazy sometimes,” Len said in an exasperated tone.

“Maybe later, my love.” He dropped his voice to a whisper. “I love it when you come apart under my hands or mouth.”

And Len groaned. “God, I love you.”

“Well, I hope so,” Chris said, smiling. “What did Jo-Jo have to say?” He’d become sentimental in his old age. Even though she was seventeen, he still called her by her childhood nickname. But she was his daughter, so he guessed it was okay. And it never failed to make her smile.

“She’s gotten into Starfleet Academy,” Len said, taking his hand and walking at a leisurely pace toward home.

“Why didn’t she tell us she was applying?” Chris asked.

“She didn’t want help getting in.”

“I can understand that. Didn’t she say she wanted to be a doctor?”

“Apparently, she’s thinking about command. Can’t imagine where she got that idea from?” Len smirked at him.

“She is a bossy young woman. Rather like her daddy. I’m sure she’ll make an excellent Captain someday.”

“I only tell you what to do because I love you. And want you to be safe,” Len said sincerely.

“I love you too, my beloved,” Chris said. “But you can’t keep me safe. I want to go back into space.”

Len let out a huge sigh. “I know. And I suppose I’ll have to go with you.”

“You don’t have to. I won’t be gone that long on any given trip.” A couple of weeks at the most. Though that would be the longest they’d been separated since Len was at the Academy.

“I told you a long time ago, that where you go, I go.”

Chris stopped. Len did as well. He leaned in and kissed Len. “I know.”

“We need to get moving,” Len said and started walking again. “We are going to New York tomorrow and our shuttle leaves at 0830 hours. You haven’t started to pack.”

He held Len’s hand as they walked. “I know I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating. I am so damned proud of you, Len. The Galactic Prize for Medicine is the premier medical prize.”

Len, Scotty, and Po had finally perfected the ARCD, and it was heralded as a game changer for radiation burns. Not that he’d ever leave Starfleet Medical, but Len had been flooded with job offers. And ironically, he’d gotten one from Atlanta General to head their Research and Development department.

“It’s a great honor. We had a lot of help along the way,” Len said.

“And you deserve all of the accolades the three of you are getting,” Chris said and met Len’s eyes. “You saved me.”

*****

finis

 

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