Reading Time: 77 Minutes

Title: Broken Around The Edges
Author: Meri
Fandom: Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, Star Trek: The Original Series.
Genre: Drama, First Time, Romance, Slash
Relationship(s): Dr. Leonard McCoy/Captain Christopher Pike
Content Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Dubious consent & Alien sex pollen.
Author Note: alien sex pollen/dubious consent is between the main pairing in the story and verbal consent is given before anything happens. Please see master post for additional information and additional author notes.
Beta: Many thanks to my betas CordeliaV and Grammarly and Microsoft Read Aloud.
Word Count: 86,550
Summary: What starts as a one-night stand for Cadet/Doctor Leonard McCoy and Captain Christopher Pike, ends up becoming something so much more than they could have ever imagined. Their lives together take some strange and wonderful (and sometimes not so wonderful) turns as they navigate through Starfleet, their family and friends, and their service on the Enterprise. Through it all, they know fate is something that won’t be denied. But maybe, just maybe, with enough hard work, it can be fixed after the fact.
Artist: Saydria Wolfe

---

---

 

Chapter One – Nothing Left in Me

Kelso’s Bar was dim and surprisingly quiet. While not completely packed, it was crowded, with only a few seats left at the bar.

Chris Pike had found the place as a cadet and had been coming here on and off for more than twenty years. Most of the locals from around his neighborhood patronized the place. It was too dull for most of the cadets and too low-end for the staff or officers. There was rarely any trouble, so it was a place he could relax.

Chris just needed a couple of minutes of quiet after all the interviews and everything else that went with the loss of The Discovery. Maybe he should think about a vacation. There was always the ranch in Montana. He hadn’t been there in too damned long a time.

“Can I get you anything else, Chris?” Feya asked. She’d tended bar in the early evenings for years.

He touched his half-filled tumbler and shook his head. “No thanks. Good for now.”

She nodded and then looked up as the door opened.

Chris turned as well. A man walked in, stopping to look around for a moment. Tall, slender, and good-looking with a lush mouth and dark hair. For whatever reason, the man walked across the room to take the seat next to Chris. He was dressed in medical scrubs with an expensive wool coat over them. The scrubs were clean, but his eyes were red-rimmed, looking like he hadn’t slept in a long time. He motioned to Feya.

“A double shot of bourbon, please,” he said, not looking at anyone.

As soon as Feya brought it to him, he knocked it back. “Another, please.”

After the third one, he put his head down on the bar and breathed heavily. Almost as if he were trying not to cry.

“Are you okay,” Chris asked. Because he’d seen a lot of people in a lot of different kinds of pain, and this guy radiated with it. It screamed out of every pour and Chris could not ignore it. He just couldn’t.

“Does it look like I’m doin’ okay, man?” came the reply in a slight southern accent.

“Nope. Not at all.”

“Good guess,” his tone was even sharper. But too much like a bear with a shard of something painful caught in its paw.

“What’s wrong?” Chris had no idea why he was bothering. The guy was obviously not interested in a conversation. And truthfully, neither was he. That said, he could not ignore someone in this much distress.

“Why do you care?” It was only a half-hearted snarl.

“Why shouldn’t I? You look miserable.” He wanted to put a hand on the man’s shoulder or something comforting. But it was likely to be bitten off or taken wrong.

“I am. It just doesn’t get any worse than this.” The man tilted his head up from the bar to look at Chris. His hazel eyes were glassy, and he looked just wrecked.

“What is this?” Chris asked, gently. Not sure he wanted to know what did this to a man. But feeling like he should ask.

“Lost a patient. twelve-year-old girl. Delta radiation poisoning.”

Okay, so that was not at all what he expected the man to say. Chris took a breath before he spoke again. “How does a twelve-year-old get that kind of radiation poisoning?”

“By being in the wrong place at the wrong damned time. On her parent’s fucking ship.” He banged his head on the bar. Not hard enough to actually hurt himself, though. “I could not do a damned thing for her. She was too far gone for the few protocols we have. And I had to watch her die. She never regained consciousness.” His voice cracked.

“I’m sorry.” Radiation death, especially delta radiation, was not something Chris could think about sanely, given what he knew about what was going to happen to him in the future. And the fact there was nothing anyone could do about it.

The man looked up and signaled for another drink.

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” Chris asked.

The man shook his head. “It’s never going to be enough. Ever. Fuck my life.”

“Surely there’s something good…”

He laughed bitterly. “Not a fuck of a lot, let me tell you.”

“Go ahead. Hit me with it.” Maybe getting the guy to talk about whatever was wrong would help. Chris did want to help him.

He just looked at Chris like he was crazy. “Why would you care?”

“You’re here, I’m here, why not. You’ll never see me again.”

He took the drink and knocked it back. “Fuck it. I got divorced just about a year ago. My wife got everything. And I do mean, every fucking thing.” He ran a hand over his face, into his dark hair. “I was left pretty much destitute. I’m a fucking surgeon. I was considered one of the best up and coming trauma surgeons in Atlanta. I’ve won awards for my research. And she reduced me to nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

It should have sounded like he was bragging, but instead, it sounded like the truth. “And now what are you doing?” Chris asked.

“I’m fucking lucky to be working at all. Oh, and I lost custody of my daughter, too.” He closed his eyes tightly and exhaled. “And to top it all off, I came home to find her in our bed with my best friend. And she tried to blame that on me, too.”

That was one scenario that Chris had never dealt with. Of course, that was because he’d never had a monogamous relationship. Only bed partners and friends with benefits, all of the temporary variety. Mostly, he was good with that.

The guy went on, “And let’s not forget that my daddy died of Pyrrhoneuritis. Five weeks before the cure was found.”

Dear God, Chris had no idea what he could say to that. “I’m sorry.”

“You got kids?” he asked.

“Never married.” Chris sighed. “Or rather, married to my job.”

“That’s what she said. It’s not like she didn’t know I was a doctor or going to be one when I met her.”

“Where’d you meet?”

“Ole Miss. Smartest, prettiest girl on campus. Most popular. Fuck it. Why is this my life? I should have had it all. And now, I’ve got nothing.”

Words usually came easily to Chris, and in this case he was finding it hard to find any. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why things happen this way. Life just sucks sometimes.”

“Oh, you got that part right.” He looked at Chris and kind of smiled a tired, sad smile. “And despite what she’d done and tried to do, she still got everything.”

“How did that work?” Chris could not imagine a scenario where the legal system would fail someone that badly. It sounded like a horror story from two hundred years ago.

“Her daddy was a powerful man in Atlanta. He got her a damned good lawyer and I just wanted quit of her.” He signaled for another drink.

But Chris put his hand on the man’s wrist. “I really don’t think you want to do that.”

He jerked his wrist away. “Oh, yes I do.”

“No. really,” Chris said. “You’ll be sick.”

“I’m already sick.” He tossed it back. And then grimaced. “And likely to be more so any second.” He scrambled out of his seat and headed for the door.

“Put it on my tab,” Chris said to Feya, who nodded and handed him a glass of water and a couple of napkins. Chris went out after him.

He was puking into a trash can.

“Done?” Chris asked, holding out the water and the napkins.

He took both. “You’re a dammed nice man.”

“I am,” Chris agreed. But there was something about the man’s misery that touched him. It wasn’t like he didn’t have his own problems. Maybe it was just putting the whole thing into perspective. “How about I buy you some dinner?”

The guy looked at him disbelievingly. “Why would you do that?”

“You ask that a lot.”

“I’m not used to people doing something without a motive.” He eyed Chris up and down. “So, what’s yours?”

Chris shrugged casually. “Maybe I’m just trying to help out someone in distress?”

“In my experience, that’s not very likely.”

“You don’t know me well enough to say that with such certainty,” Chris said.

“How much have you had to drink tonight?”

“Not as much as you,” Chris said. He hadn’t even gotten to finish his first drink. “It’s been a very long couple of months for me. I hate to see anyone suffering and I’ve seen too much of it lately.”

Which was the God’s honest truth.

And that seemed to resonate with the guy, as he thought about it. “What the hell. I’ve got nothing better to do. And I need to eat, or I’ll be sick again.”

“Try not drinking quite so many shots of bourbon.”

The guy laughed. “Name’s Len.”

“Chris. Let’s get you something to eat.”

“Do you know somewhere? I haven’t had time to really look around much.”

“We’d need a reservation to get in almost anywhere around here. How about I cook us something? I don’t live far. We could walk.”

Len looked at him warily, but asked, “You cook? Like real food.”

“What other kind of food do people cook?” Chris asked.

“Replicated food.”

Chris shook his head. “That’s not cooked. At best, it’s fabricated.”

“If you’re willing to invite me into your home without knowing me. I would be honored to eat whatever you cook for me.” Len actually smiled at him.

And that did things it shouldn’t have to Chris’ insides. “I like to cook.”

“I like to eat. I think we’re good. The last person who cooked a real meal for me was my momma.”

Chris held out a hand for him to follow.

*****

The walk was mostly made in silence. It was a nice night. Not too cold for November. Len should probably have been more wary about going home with someone he didn’t know. But Chris seemed like a genuinely nice man. And while a handsome face could hide a monster, Chris’ smile went all the way to his blue eyes. There was something comforting about his demeanor. Len was going to take the chance that this would end well. And if it didn’t, then it would be just one more disappointment in a very long line of them.

Chris’ house was nice. He was obviously well off to afford a house in the city like this. Len followed him up the stairs and into the kitchen.

While the house was old, the kitchen was modern and bright. And you never found houses with kitchens like this these days. People just didn’t cook. And certainly not with the equipment that was here. Len’s grandma had had a well-seasoned cast-iron frying pan like the one hanging from a hook on the wall.

“Any allergies? Do you eat chicken? Pasta? Vegetables? Salad? Any preference on dressing?”

Len laughed. “I am not allergic to anything. And I’ll eat anything you put in front of me.”

“Okay, then, I’m going to put you to work,” Chris said, starting to pull fresh food out of the refrigeration unit in the wall.

“Me?” Len snorted. “I can’t cook to save my life.”

“You can cut up vegetables, can’t you?”

“That remains to be seen,” Len said with a shrug.

“You said you’re a surgeon. You can cut up vegetables.”

“Where did you learn to cook?” Len asked, curious about Chris even if he shouldn’t be.

“My mom and dad never knew how to cook, and I liked to eat real food. So, I got people to teach me. My Nana. I had a friend in secondary school whose dad was a chef in a restaurant. I also took a few classes.”

“That’s a lot of trouble to go to for something like this. You don’t do it for a living, do you?”

Chris shook his head. “I have used it as a tool, in the past. In my job, I mean.”

“We’re not going to discuss what you do?”

“No. Truthfully, I might be between jobs at the moment anyway.”

Len could see he was telling the truth or at least he believed what he was saying. Chris didn’t volunteer more information. While Len was pretty sure he could ask more questions about Chris’ profession and possibly get an answer. The truth was, he really kind of wanted to keep this on the casual. Wherever this was going, and Len still wasn’t sure, he did know it was just for tonight.

“The vegetables?” Chris inclined his head towards the cutting board.

“Right,” Len said, picking up the knife. “How do you want them cut?”

“Lengthwise, about two inches long.”

“Got it.”

*****

Chris was still busy in the kitchen, but the amount of help Len could give had reached its limit.

“Can I set the table?”

“Sure. Silverware and such are in the cupboard, in the dining room.” Using tongs, Chris pointed to the other room.

It didn’t take Len long to get the table set. There was a bookcase with old paper books in it. Not many of them, but some interesting classic titles. Paper books hadn’t been published in probably a hundred years. He wondered if Chris was an academic of some kind.

After another five or ten minutes, Chris brought out two plates of some kind of pasta.

“Can I ask what it is?” Len asked as he sat down at the table. “It smells delicious.”

“Not sure it has a proper name. I just threw together some things. I didn’t want to make anything too heavy since your stomach is probably not that good. Basically, it’s chicken and pasta with vegetables.”

Now that all the booze was gone, he was fine. He took a forkful and tasted it. “Man, this is so good. The sauce is really light. S’got a touch of lemon?”

Chris nodded. “Glad you like it.”

Len was surprised at how easily he got along with Chris. He never got along with anyone that quickly or that well. It probably didn’t hurt that Chris was easy on the eyes. He had that whole silver fox thing going on. The way his body moved under his clothes said he was in excellent shape and made Len want to put his hands on him.

If things had been just a little different, he’d be thinking about hitting on Chris. But right now, though, he was just too raw from everything to even think about it.

He had too much going on with his life to get involved with someone seriously. Between Starfleet Academy, Starfleet Medical, his research, and all the fucked-up shit that was his life, he just had no more time. Maybe when he was further along with everything. But if Chris’ offered, he would not be opposed to a night of indulgence.

“Can I get you an after-dinner drink?” Chris asked. “I have some Saurian Brandy or maybe something else?”

After the amount that he’d already had tonight, he didn’t need any more booze. “Coffee?”

Chris raised an eyebrow. “At this hour?”

“I live on it.”

“I can make you some,” Chris said.

After the great meal, there was another promise in what he said. “Like brew it, rather than replicate it?”

“Of course. I think I’ve made my views on replication pretty clear. I would rather have fresh coffee brewed from beans than anything else. Let me get you that coffee, then.”

He went back into the kitchen and pulled out a coffee maker. And real coffee. The smell was heavenly. It only took a few minutes to brew.

“Oh, yeah,” Len said, letting the taste roll over his tongue. “Nothing like freshly brewed coffee.”

“I’m rather addicted to it myself. Though mostly in the mornings.”

“It makes me want to be here tomorrow morning –” Fuck. So much for subtle. He hadn’t meant to say that. Quite like that.

But Chris looked delighted by it. “I think that can be arranged.”

“You don’t need to –”

“Shut up, Len.”

Chris stepped right up to him, giving him all the time in the world to say no. Which he wasn’t likely to say at this point. He’d followed the man home. Chris was a genuinely nice man, in a take-charge kind of way, that Len really appreciated right now.

He slid a hand over Len’s cheek, his fingers sliding into Len’s hair. He hesitated briefly, waiting again for a negative response, when he got none, he leaned forward and pressed his mouth to Len’s.

Chris’ mouth was soft on his, kissing him slowly, sweetly. A hint of his tongue touching Len’s lips, then into his mouth. It warmed something in Len that he hadn’t realized had been chilled. He leaned in for more, just relaxing into the taste and feel of the simple kisses. Oh, but Chris tasted good. And felt good, solid in Len’s arms. It had been too damned long since he’d felt anything this good directed at him.

This was just what he needed right now. Chris telegraphed every move before he made it. But Len was totally on board from the first kiss. Before that, from dinner. Which was some of the best food and coffee he’d had in years.

He reached for the zipper on Chris’ shirt, needing to see and taste his skin. Len licked down his chest, stopping to nibble along his nipples, which got a delightful response, and then down the hairline to his waistband.

Chris pulled him back up for another kiss and then pulled Len’s shirt over his head. Then, divested him of his pants and underwear, socks and boots. The leather of the sofa felt cool and a little weird under his naked butt, but when Chris bent his head to his cock, Len’s mind flipped off and he just went with it.

And then there was only sensation and pleasure and he stopped thinking at all.

At some point, their positions reversed, and he did his best to give back what he’d been given. He didn’t have a whole lot of experience when it came to men. But a few kisses and his mouth in the right places seemed to please Chris.

Chris’ head fell back against the sofa as he panted, his hips pushing up into Len’s open mouth. “So good,” Chris moaned.

Yeah, it really was. He loved the feel of someone getting off under his mouth. It was so tactile and satisfying. He even managed to swallow.

He rested his head against Chris’ thigh, not quite ready to let it go yet.

“Let’s go to bed,” Chris said. “It’s getting late.”

He followed Chris into his bedroom. Which was quite large, and probably had been two smaller bedrooms at one point. The bed was inviting, and Chris was warm beside him. Feeling better than he had in months, he turned into the embrace of limbs and heat, and let sleep take him.

Sometime early the next morning, he heard the chirp of his comm go off. He didn’t want to answer it, but it was probably the hospital calling him back in. Surprisingly, Chris slept through it. He dressed as silently as he could.

Chris woke, leaning up on his elbow, the sheet falling off his hip. “Everything okay?”

Len was having trouble resisting the rumpled, sleep-warm Chris, looking so tempting. All he wanted was to get back into that bed and kiss him again. But no. He had responsibilities. And for the first time in a long time, he felt like he could meet them.

“I have to go back to the hospital.” Len leaned down, putting a hand on Chris’ face, and kissing him deeply. “I really wanted that morning coffee,” he said as he pulled back.

“There’s probably some left. I’ll give you a cup to take with you.” Chris got out of bed and wrapped a robe around himself.

He fixed Len a travel mug and handed it to him. They stood looking at each other for a few seconds.

Len cleared his throat, regret in his words, but “I’m not at a place where this can happen. Not right now.”

Chris nodded, seemingly unsurprised. “I got that from what you said earlier. Truthfully, I’m not either.”

“I wish…”

He shook his head. “Maybe another time.”

Len kissed him one more time and then he had to leave.

 

*****

Chapter Two – Of All the Gin Joints

Nineteen Months Later

“What else do you have for me, Number One?” Chris asked, ready for the meeting to be done. There were so many details to running a starship that had nothing to do with exploration.

“There’s a new crop of cadets for the summer session,” Number One said.

“How many and how long?”

“Six, for eight weeks.”

“Any standouts?” Chris asked.

“The real standout is a doctor from medical. He’s going to work with Doctor M’Benga. He’s a very accomplished trauma surgeon.”

“Have him come to dinner this week to introduce himself,” Chris said with a smile. It was always nice to meet the new kids as they came up. “Then schedule the rest of them one or two at a time after that.”

She nodded. “Right.”

“How is the situation with the supplies?”

****

Being on a starship was a new experience for Len. The people were nice but being out in space like this was…disconcerting. He liked Dr. M’Benga. The guy knew his stuff and was ready to help whenever someone needed him.

Len had been invited to “The Captain’s Table” as they called it, and he was procrastinating about getting there. Apparently, the captain wanted to know his crew more informally and cooked for them. Like real food, cooked. Who the hell did that anymore?

He snorted. Yeah, let’s not go there, Len.

But a familiar pang hit him. Len would always be grateful for that night, but thinking about it now was useless. That was one of those ships that passed in the night kind of moments. You don’t get to keep a thing like that. All you can do is be grateful it happened and move on.

He let out a sigh and walked the last few steps to the captain’s quarters.

The lieutenant who’d issued the invitation had said something about dusting off his dress uniform. But that didn’t make sense. If the captain wanted to be informal, why introduce formality? He’d asked Chapel about it, and she just smiled, never giving him a straight answer. But that, in itself, was an answer.

He’d worn his most comfortable jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt that had gotten to be a bit too tight. He’d added some muscle and bulk with all the physical training he’d had to do since joining Starfleet.

He buzzed the door. A tall, seriously good-looking, gray-haired man with blue eyes answered. Len only had time to think, wow, and when recognition set in. Chris. Captain Christopher Pike of the fucking Starship Enterprise.

“Captain Pike?” His heart was pounding, and he knew his face had to be bright red. “I’m Doctor Leonard McCoy, sir.”

The captain eyes widened as he recognized Len. “You’re a cadet? How are you a cadet?” he choked out.

Len wanted to sink into the floor, but instead, he squared his shoulders and met the captain’s eyes. “The usual way, sir. I enlisted.”

That made Chris–the captain smile. “I’ll just bet you did.”

“Everything all right, Captain?” the Commander asked, looking between the two of them. “Do you know each other?”

“No,” Len said, not wanting to have to deal with this now. At the same time, Chris — the captain said, “Yes.”

The Commander looked like she was trying not to laugh. The rest of the crew were just staring at them.

“Come in, then,” he said, stepping back.

“Thank you, sir,” Len said. This was not, in any way close to any of the scenarios he’d imagined for meeting Chris again. God, in all of them they’d been on equal footing. And definitely not with him a cadet and Chris his first captain. Those were absolutely not his kind of fantasies.

“Do you want a glass of wine or…bourbon?”

“Hey, Captain,” Lieutenant Ortegas said from the table, “Aren’t you going to ask if he’s old enough to drink?”

Len laughed at that, appreciating her trying to lighten the tension. “I’m pretty sure I’m older than you are, Lieutenant.”

She tipped her wine glass at him, laughing, too. “I’m sure you are too, seeing as you’re a real doctor already.”

“As opposed to a fake doctor,” Len quipped. “I didn’t think they were allowed to serve in Starfleet.”

“You’d be surprised at some of the doctors we’ve had around here.”

Chris looked between them. “Do you know each other?”

“We don’t. Not really,” Len said. “Lieutenant Ortegas issued your invitation. Though she did tell me to wear my dress uniform.”

“Cadet hazing at its finest,” Chris said. He looked Len up and down. And wow, there was a definite look of appreciation in his eyes and a small smile on his lips. “I see it didn’t work with you.”

Len snorted. “No. If you want to get to know your crew in a casual setting, why require formalities.”

“And yet, you’d be surprised at how many cadets show up in their dress uniform,” Ortegas said, clearly pleased with herself.

“I’m sure most of them just want to impress their captain.”

“And you don’t,” Chris asked.

He shrugged a lot more casually than he felt. “That’s not my job here. I’m a doctor. I heal people. As long as I do my job, I don’t care if I impress them with that or not.”

“Let me get you that bourbon,” Chris said with another appreciative smile. “Then you can help with the prep. A surgeon should have good hands for that.”

“You want to make a surgeon cut up veggies?” Ortegas seemed to find that amusing.

“No skill should go to waste,” Chris assured her and handed him a glass.

“Thanks.” Len took a sip, expecting it to have been replicated. “Oh, that’s excellent. I haven’t had bourbon that good since I left Atlanta.”

“Are you from Atlanta?” Ortegas asked, sitting down to cut the vegetables in front of her.

“I was. Not anymore.” He really, really didn’t want to talk about it.

She nodded. “How’d you end up here?”

“I took the shuttle up from the academy with the rest of the cadets.” That wasn’t what she was asking, of course, but he’d rather not talk about that.

At a pause in the conversation, Len looked across the table and asked, “Are you Lieutenant Spock?”

And damn if he didn’t raise an eyebrow at him. “I am. Can I be of some assistance?”

“Not now, but at your leisure, I’d like to talk to you about some research that’s going on at the Vulcan Academy of Science, that I’d like some information on,” Len said.

“Of course. But I’m not sure that what I have an interest in, you would as well,” Spock said.

He didn’t want to get too far into this now. “This is more of an introduction to someone doing the research.”

Spock seemed to understand this was not really the place for this conversation and inclined his head. “I see. See me after your shift and we may discuss it further.”

“What are you researching?” Commander Chin-Riley asked.

And Len was not ready to discuss that, either. “It’s too early to talk about it yet. I’m still reviewing current research projects to start the preliminary phase.”

The commander tipped her head towards him and nodded.

And Chris – the captain – handed him a plate of uncut vegetables. “Do your thing, cadet,” he said.

Dinner was surprisingly good. Many types of foods that could all be combined in different ways. Thus, feeding the ten or so people with varying tastes and eating habits.

“Cadet, you’re on kitchen clean up,” Chris said. “You too, commander.”

“Aye sir,” she said with just the right amount of snark.

Everyone else filed out.

While Len was putting the dishes into the recycler for cleaning, he heard the commander say to Chris softly, “You didn’t ask about his food allergies or preferences.”

The captain shrugged. “I might know already.”

“I see.” She smiled. “I’ll be going. We have a breakfast meeting tomorrow. 0800 hours.”

“I put it on your calendar, so yes, I did remember.”

She waved to him as she left.

He and Chris were alone. He’d thought about this moment happening since they’d parted, but he never really believed it would happen. Now here he was, and he didn’t have an idea in hell of what to do about it.

*****

Len turned to look at Chris like a deer caught in a headlight. He cleared his throat. “Um…”

Chris waited and the silence stretched out. “Are you okay?” he finally asked.

“Yes. Fine,” Len said, looking down and back at him. “Before we talk about this.” Len waved his hand around the room. “I need to thank you for that night.”

Chris started to say something about that not being necessary, but Len shook his head. “I’ve never been great with expressing myself like this, but it’s important that you understand what you did for me. I was really, really close to the edge that night. And your kindness made a huge difference to me. You gave me a moment of peace to regroup. I managed to pull myself together after that.”

There was a lot to parse in what he’d just said. But Chris smiled at him. “I’m glad I could help. I don’t know what made me reach out to you. I’ve thought about it a lot over the past year and a half, and I still don’t know.”

Len smiled at him. “It could be that you are just a damned nice man.”

He’d said that about Chris at the time and he could admit it was probably at least partially true. “I care about people. And I could tell you were in a lot of pain. I just wanted to help.”

“You did. By reaching out to me the way you did, you gave me back something I had lost,” Len said and then blushed a little. “I just never expected to see you again.”

That blush charmed Chris so much and he smiled at Len. “I had a whole lot of issues that I needed to work through then, too,” Chris said.

After everything that happened, he’d needed to spend some time away from everything to try to get a different perspective on it. He was still working on it when Bob April found him and told him that Number One had gone missing. Then, there was no other choice but to find her.

That left them in the here and now. Chris cleared his throat. “We’ve got to come to some kind of an agreement before anything else can happen. That is if you even want something else to happen. And then there’s the whole command structure problem. Which won’t be a problem if we decide not to try to continue our previous relationship.”

“It wasn’t a relationship. More of a possibility of one,” Len said.

That was true. “It wasn’t possible to pursue it then,” Chris said, taking a second to consider the possibilities. But given everything, to even consider it, was to commit to it. They would have to be so aboveboard and follow all the myriad of rules required to do it now. Not to mention what it could do to both of their careers. But damn, he was looking at Len, remembering the taste of his mouth and skin. And all he wanted was to touch him again.

“And now?” Len asked. He was looking at Chris with speculation in his eyes. “Do you want to continue?”

“It’s not a matter of that, so much. How old are you?” Because that was as much an issue, though he doubted Len was young enough for it to actually be a problem.

Len looked startled by the question. “Don’t you have my records?”

“Number One, my XO, handles personnel. All she told me was that you were the standout of this term’s cadets. I knew your name and that you were a doctor, a trauma surgeon.”

“Thanks. I think.”

“Last term’s standout was Nyota Uhura.”

“The linguistics expert?” Len asked.

Chris nodded. “So, you didn’t answer my question.”

“I’m thirty-one.”

Chris blew out a relieved breath. “A little old for a cadet. But well past Starfleet’s age of consent for cadets.”

“There is no way you could think I was under the age of consent. Because isn’t that like sixteen for humans?”

“Not in Starfleet. It’s twenty-two for human cadets who are more than one rank below a partner for sexual contact.”

“You have got to be kidding me. No one told me that.” He sighed. “Though I’m sure with being the captain, it’s worse.”

“Yes. And worse than that because if you’re a cadet, it involves paperwork and written consent.”

Len opened his mouth and then closed it. “Surely, that wouldn’t apply to me.”

“I’m afraid it will apply to you,” Chris said.

“Why would that matter? What we did before wasn’t on their time. You weren’t in my chain of command.” His brow wrinkled. “You’re not now either since I’m medical and you’re…everything else.”

“You’re a cadet. For bad or good, that automatically makes you my responsibility.”

Len folded his arms over his chest and scowled. “I’m also a grown-assed man. Not some twenty-year-old kid who doesn’t know a God-damned thing about life.”

It was hard not to laugh at that righteous indignation. Len was anything but a kid. But, realistically, “you’re someone whom I still have at least some authority over.”

“Only if I say so.” He stood up to his full height.

And so did Chris. “Only if you want to stay in Starfleet.”

Len didn’t back down, but he did sigh. “There is that. I do want to stay and graduate.”

“Plus, you’re here to learn and I don’t want to get in the way of that.”

“But what about what’s between us?” Len asked the million credit question.

The one Chris did not have an answer for. Yes, he was still outrageously attracted to Len. Physically, Len was in much better shape than he’d been when they’d met. His body looked lean and hard in those jeans and tight t-shirt. Chris hadn’t been able to help the flash of desire he felt when he’d looked at Len as he walked in the door. His dark hair framed his face. And that mouth. God, the fantasies he’d had about what that lush, soft mouth could do to him.

He also sensed that Len felt the same way about him. There was definitely something there. Some spark that he’d never found with anyone else. He wanted to explore that for all it was worth, for as long as he could. But —

“I don’t know, Len. Honestly, I’m not sure I can do the right thing here.” And he hoped that Len also couldn’t do the right thing, especially if that included walking away from him.

But if that was what Len wanted or needed then Chris would let him go. No question.

“I am not sure I can just let you go, now. Having you reach out to me that night was important to me.” He met Chris’ eyes. “Very important.”

“Do you want more? I mean more of a relationship,” Chris asked.

“I’m a lot more stable, emotionally and financially. My advisor made me get some counseling last year. So, yeah, meeting you again now is, if not the best time possible, then certainly a better time than before,” Len said.

And it had to be said that, “The best time would be after you graduated.”

That got a smile out of Len and his eyes lit with his amusement. “Do you want to wait that long? Because I certainly don’t.”

Chris looked at Len and a small shiver of desire went through him. “This needs to come from you. I can’t, won’t start anything. It would also be on record that we’re involved.”

“Even for just the eight weeks I’m here?” asked Len, sounding incredulous.

Chris hoped it would be longer than that. There were more things that would need to be explained. But that wasn’t for now. “Yes. It has to be aboveboard. Or it could totally fuck up not only my career but yours as well. You need to think about it.”

“I have. And with you standing there looking like…well you. Makes it difficult to consider anything that would take you away from me.”

Chris sighed. Yeah. There definitely needed to be more talk later. “I know. We talk and the more I look at you, the more I listen to you, the more I want you.”

Len smiled widely at that. “You know, darlin’, I’m thinking you’re overthinkin’ this. Come ‘mere.”

Fuck. Where had that lazy Southern accent come from? “Oh God,” Chris breathed. He was so screwed. He leaned back against the table.

And Len approached him, coming to stand right in front of him, pushing into his space. His big hands went to Chris’ hips, pulling him in close.

Some part of him was still yelling this was a bad idea. That it wouldn’t end well for either of them. But the rest of him was reacting to Len’s hands on his body. “Are you sure about this?” Chris felt compelled to ask.

“Oh, hell yeah,” Len said as he pressed his mouth to Chris’.

His eyes closed and he sank into the sweet taste of Len’s mouth on his. And he could get lost in this kiss. Stay lost for a really, really long time. Len’s hands pulled him a little closer, and the heat of his body warmed Chris. One of Chris’ hands splayed over Len’s back to the edge of his shirt, and then underneath to touch his warm skin.

Len’s hands were all over him, helping him with the buttons on his shirt. He pulled the t-shirt up and then over Len’s head quickly. Chris barely had time to appreciate the hard planes of Len’s chest, and the musculature of his arms and stomach before Len embraced him again and they moved to stand skin to skin. A breath rushed out of him as he let his hands run over Len’s body.

He’d never let himself believe this might actually happen again. That he’d get to touch Len like this again. That it would feel this good or move him this much.

Chris put his head on Len’s shoulder and just breathed in the scent of him, licking along the seam between his neck and his shoulder, feeling him shiver against his mouth.

Len undid Chris’ pants and pushed them off, dropping to his knees to get his boots and help him step out of them. He took hold of Chris’ hips and pressed his mouth against his cock.

Chris sucked in a breath and tried to keep still as Len’s lips and slick tongue worked over him. Finally, he couldn’t hold back, and he pressed forward, into that wet heat. Pleasure built quickly through him, one lick at a time, until he was ready to shatter with it.

But before he could finish, Len moved back and looked up at him. It took a second for the haze to clear, and then another to see what Len wanted. Oh yeah, that would be fine, too.

“Okay?” Len asked, breathless.

“Whatever you want.” Chris just didn’t care as long as he got to come, preferably soon. No matter what Len did to him, he wasn’t going to last very long.

Len rose gracefully and turned him around. His hands moved over Chris, pushing him slightly forward over his own damned table. Before he could protest, a slick finger slid deeply into him, and that ignited sparks of pleasure. Vaguely, Chris wondered where he’d gotten the lube, but as another finger went in, he decided he didn’t care. Len didn’t seem to be in any hurry to move things along until Chris was panting and needing more.

And then, finally, Len was pushing in, hot and hard and slick. There weren’t any more thoughts for a while. Only the slick slide and then the burst of pleasure each stroke gave him.

“I’ll give you what you need, darlin’,” Len whispered into the back of his neck, and he moved more forcefully into him.

“So good. More. Now. Faster.”

“Demandin’ aren’t you?” There was definitely some amusement in his tone.

Chris was beyond words at this point. He tried to move back into each stroke. But he was getting too close to be coordinated about it. Len’s slick hand reached around to stroke him, and that was all he needed. A rush of pleasure washed over him, and he came hard, a cry escaping him. Dimly he heard Len call out too.

For a moment or two, he leaned on the table, trying to catch his breath. Oh God, that had been good. Better than he’d remembered it from last time. Better than it had been in maybe forever.

Len stepped back and Chris turned around and pulled him into his arms and kissed him. “Okay?” he asked.

“More than,” Len said kissing him again.

“We need to clean up and get into bed,” Chris said. And noticed the bottle of olive oil was tipped over. “No. Tell me you did not use my best olive oil as lube.”

“It was handy.” Len’s face was red. “What? It’s organic.”

Chris just laughed. “Shower. Now.”

“Are we both going to fit? The shower in my quarters is not big enough for me.”

“We’ll fit. Perks of command.”

They showered and settled into his bed. Chris would deal with the paperwork in the morning.

*****

The next morning came too soon. Dressed, Chris had to deal with the mess in the kitchen before he could even make coffee. As he was wiping down the last counter, Len came out of the bedroom in last night’s clothes.

Damn, he looked good in those soft jeans and t-shirt. Chris’ hands itched to touch him.

“Coffee?” he asked, but he came over and leaned in to kiss Chris. “I need to get back to my quarters and change. I’m on duty at 0900 hours.”

“Coffee is brewing.” Chris tipped his head towards the pot. And then turned to take Len completely into his arms, running his hands over Len’s shoulders and down his back, before settling on his ass. He leaned in and kissed him, his tongue sliding slowly into Len’s mouth.

Len moaned against his mouth, pressing closer, his hands on Chris’ face, and tangling in his hair.

The door chimed and before he could detangle himself from Len, Una walked in. “Chris, I thought we had a breakfast meet—” She took in the scene and sputtered to a stop. “I guess you forgot.”

They stepped back from each other.

Chris looked at his watch. 0810. Fuck. Not the way he wanted to start the day. He looked at Len, who was red-faced and unsure what to do. “I’ll see you later. Dinner? 1900?”

“Uh…yes. Sir?” He backed away. “Ma’am.” And he escaped out the door.

“Well, that was…” She looked like she was enjoying the whole thing too much.

“Embarrassing?” He felt bad for Len. And he should be embarrassed for himself. But he wasn’t. It had been too good for that.

“It’s already late enough that he’s not going to make it back to his quarters without being seen.” She gave him a look. “What are you going to do about it?”

“I’m giving him to you,” Chris said.

“Don’t I wish,” she smirked. “But alas, I believe he’s spoken for.”

“I meant managerially.”

“You’re going to do the paperwork?” And Una seemed quite surprised by that. It might be one of the few times he’d really surprised her.

He grinned at the idea. “I’ll sign it tonight. And I’ll tell Len to get the signatures he needs. Then I’ll submit it to Admiral April myself.”

She nodded, still looking thoughtful. “That’s all you need to do. And it’s a good thing, too. At this point, you have no hope of keeping this private.”

“I’m going to speak to Joseph this morning about his increased authority.”

“This is going to be a lot of work,” she said like he didn’t know that already.

“And I’m sorry to dump it all on you.”

“The question is, of course, are you sure about this? I mean, really sure. Admiral April is not going to be pleased to hear you’re involved with a cadet.”

Chris snorted. That was probably a huge understatement. April would probably go ballistic on him. “Len’s an accomplished doctor and he’s thirty-one years old. As he said himself, he’s a grown-assed man.”

“He’s a cadet,” she said. “But his age and accomplishments are what will possibly save you both a lot of problems. You’ve never mentioned him.”

“Until last night, I thought I’d never see him again.”

It took her a second to process it. “How did you meet?”

“Right after the Discovery inquiry, I was thinking of leaving Starfleet. I was questioning everything. And one night, I was at Kelso’s, and he walked in. He’d lost a patient.” Chris could still see what he looked like that night. Beautiful, but in so much pain that he touched something in Chris that had never been touched before.

“He would have been in his first semester.”

Chris nodded. “I can’t give you any of his personal details, but suffice it to say, he was in pretty bad emotional and psychological pain. And something in me responded to that. I wanted to help him.”

“You’re pretty empathic when it comes to other people’s pain.” There was a question in her voice that she probably wasn’t going to ever ask.

And he wasn’t going to answer it without prompting. “He drank himself sick. I took him home with me and cooked him dinner.”

And everything else could be left unsaid.

“And now?” she asked.

“Now, I don’t know. I do know that we both want to see where this goes.”

“That paperwork is meant to be a real pain, but sometimes, it’s worth it.”

“Yes. To both.” He looked at his watch, they needed to be on the bridge in ten minutes. “Do we have anything else to discuss?”

“Nothing that can’t wait until tomorrow. I’ll see you on the bridge, shortly.” She started for the door and then stopped. “When are you going to tell him?”

Chris repressed a shiver of dread. “At the end of his term here, I’ll tell him the truth.”

“All of it?” she asked.

It wouldn’t be an easy conversation, but he couldn’t let it go longer than that. “Every last damned thing. He deserves that much.” Chris shrugged. “Who knows it might not last that long.”

She gave him her famous ‘Are you stupid’ look. “You don’t really believe that do you?”

“No. I don’t.” That was the problem with all of this. It all felt too real. Like this might be that one chance for something special.

*****

Len hit the chime on the captain’s door, and it opened to Chris saying, “Come.” Chris was walking towards him as he came in, already casually dressed and with his hair a little tousled. Len wanted to make all of him look a lot more tousled, but probably not this second.

It had already been a long day, and he hadn’t had a chance to even change out of his uniform because he didn’t want to be late for dinner.

“Did you just get off work?” Chris asked.

Len nodded. “We had someone come in from engineering. I stayed to make sure he was okay.”

“Do you want to go change?”

“No. You promised me dinner. And we have to sign the consent forms.” Len was not looking forward to having to do paperwork to have a relationship. It seemed…fuck, he didn’t even know what. He also could not believe he was in this position at his age.

“Let’s have dinner and I’ll explain everything to you,” Chris said.

Well, that didn’t sound very good. “I’m not going to like it, am I?”

“Probably not.” Chris slid his arms around Len, giving him a chance to pull away before kissing him.

Oh, yeah, this was why. Chris’ mouth was gentle and sweet on his. He moved one of his hands into Chris’ hair and the other down his back. He felt so good, solid, and warm. Len stepped closer, pressing him back into the wall, deepening the kiss, sliding his tongue into Chris’ mouth.

“Do you want to eat? Or should we skip right to dessert?” Chris asked as he pulled back slightly.

It took a second for Len’s brain to reengage. “Is anyone else coming in tonight?”

“Not that I know of, barring an emergency, of course.”

“Let’s go straight to dessert and then we can talk about the rest while you feed me.”

“Works for me.” Chris turned them so that he was leaning into Len. “Bedroom? Sofa? Wall?”

Len couldn’t help but laugh. “Let’s just go to bed, darlin’. All right?”

“Whatever you want.” Chris took his hand and pulled him along. He got Len out of his clothes and onto the bed. “Let me take care of you,” Chris said.

Len just nodded and gave himself up to Chris’ knowing hands and mouth. After the first few minutes, Len stopped thinking completely and just reacted to each touch, each lick, and each kiss Chris gave him.

He was on his stomach, Chris lazily licking down his back. “Have you ever…”

Had he ever what? Oh, wait. That. He shook his head. “It’s on my list of things to try, but I hadn’t gotten there yet.”

That got a laugh out of Chris. “After last night, I would have said you were pretty experienced.”

It was good to know he presented well. “I’m well-read, anyway. And a doctor. I know how a male body works. Also, I’ve done that before. I haven’t done this. And with the need for full disclosure, when I was with you the first time, that was like the third time I’d ever sucked someone’s cock. I married young and was monogamous. There hadn’t been a lot of time to explore this side of things.”

“Okay, we’ll take it slow. Let me know if you’re uncomfortable with anything I do.”

He really was a considerate man. “Carry on,” Len said.

“Yes, sir,” Chris replied with a laugh.

And then fuck, it was so hot. Len might not have all the experience in the world, but he rather thought that Chris did. That man knew how to wring the most amount of pleasure out of any one thing he did with his hands or his mouth.

Or his fingers. Which were long and thick and slid up inside Len at just the right angle for maximum effect. “Oh, fuck.”

“Yes, that’s coming, too.”

And it did. It hurt. More than he was expecting it to. But weirdly, it also felt…almost good. A few strokes in and out and Chris angled himself and there it was, the shocky spark he’d been expecting, and then Len just gave into it, moaning and pressing back into him.

Chris reached around with a slippery hand, only had to stroke him once or twice before he was coming hard, and he could not hold back the cry that tore out of him. Dimly, as he was passing out, he heard Chris come as well.

He came back with a start. Chris was still draped across his back. “You okay?” he asked.

“Better than okay. That was amazing, darlin'” Len said.

“Yeah,” Chris agreed, kissing the back of his shoulder.

Len was still breathing hard. “Do I have to move?”

“Do you want dinner?” Chris laughed. “What would you like?”

“I don’t suppose you can do a cheeseburger?”

“Probably. Let me see what I have.”

“Seriously?” Because he didn’t think that would be something he could get in space without a replicator being involved.

“Sure. I have some fresh beef from an organic farm, as well as an alien type. Andori beef is great. Less fat, and very tasty.”

“I suppose if I’m in space, I’m going to need to try different things. We can go with that.”

“Go have a shower. I have some sweats you can put on.”

Chris was about his height but more muscular, especially across the chest and shoulders. And Len was smaller around the waist, but the drawstring on the sweatpants fixed that. The old academy t-shirt was too big. But who was going to see it, anyway.

He sat at the island facing the kitchen. Chris was busy preparing dinner. There were two padds on the table. He assumed these were the consent forms.

“Which of these do I need to sign?”

“Your end is a little more complicated than mine,” Chris said without turning around.

“How so?”

“You need to have three officers’ signatures who aren’t me, stating they have questioned you and that you have not been coerced in any way. Two can be superior officers, but one has to be someone no more than one rank up from you.”

Len could not believe this. “You have got to be kidding me. That’s the most ridiculous thing I think I’ve ever heard in my entire life. And trust me when I tell you, I’ve heard plenty of stupid things in my time. Why on earth would they require something like this.”

“Because two-hundred years ago the armed forces’ treatment of sexual harassment and abuse was barbaric. Because of the laws at the time, the burden of proof was on the abused. Many times, they were retaliated against and had no recourse. And the upper ranks were mostly made up of powerful men who covered for each other, even when they didn’t do the abuse themselves.”

“You know, I’ve read about some of that in one of my ethics classes. But what does this have to do with Starfleet?”

“When Starfleet was formed, there were still some people around who remembered it and wanted to make sure nothing like it happened again. At first, they tried to make any fraternization a court-martialable offense. But it was quickly realized that sometimes, the relationships were not abusive and that they were important to the people having them. Plus, long-term time on ships, tended to produce all kinds of relationships, even if they were just in the short term.”

“So, what is the bottom line here?” Len asked.

“We’re going to jump through the hoops they’ve decided on. Your part is newer than the consent form I sign. Basically, I sign it, attesting that I’m not coercing you in any way. And if they find out you feel you’ve been coerced then, I would be court-martialed and probably sent to a penal colony.”

“Seriously?”

“I’m the one with the power here. Which I know, and I hope you know, I would never abuse, but I could. Without everyone knowing, and without this paperwork, you would have no recourse. It would be my word against yours. You’re a cadet. Yes, an accomplished one to be sure. But I’m the captain of the flagship of Starfleet. With more than twenty years of exemplary service.”

Fuck. Len stopped and thought about that for a second. What could he really do if Chris turned out to be a monster? Except, no. That simply was not possible. Len knew, knew with absolute certainty that wasn’t going to happen. Chris was a good man. Kind beyond words. Certainly, more so than Len was.

But someone else might not be as lucky to have someone like Chris in their lives.

Len sighed. “All right. But I don’t have any rank yet. Not really.”

“You’re an ensign while you’re on this ship.”

“So, a lieutenant? I’ve been here less than a week. I know almost no one.”

“Not even the rest of the cadets?”

“None of them are in Medical. I don’t hang out with the cadets at the Academy either. I work shifts in the hospital, for which I get paid. And when I do have time to hang out with anyone, which isn’t that often, it’s generally hospital staff.”

“Of course. I am not going to be able to help you with this. I can’t suggest anyone. So, you’ll need to figure it out on your own. For this at least, it’s got to be aboveboard. We need to both follow these rules to the letter.”

“Right. I’ll figure it out. How old are you?” Len asked.

Chris looked surprised by the question. “Forty-three. Why ask now?”

“I had no idea at all. You said more than twenty years of service, and I realized you had to be at least ten years older than me.”

“So what, about twelve years? Is that going to be a problem?” Chris looked a little uncertain as he asked it.

Len couldn’t have that. “Not at all. Apparently, I have a thing for older men,” he said. “Well, one man, at least.” He stood and came around the Island, pulling Chris into his arms. “You.”

The timer on the stove pinged as he kissed Chris for the second time. “Dinner is ready.”

*****

Chapter Three – Paperwork

“Commander Chin-Riley,” Len said as she opened the door to her office. “Thank you for seeing me.”

“Dr. McCoy, please come in. I’ve been expecting you.” She gestured to the chair in front of her desk.

“So, how do we do this?” He sat down.

“I’m going to ask you some questions and you need to answer as honestly as you can. No detail is required beyond answering the questions.”

“Okay,” Len said, trying to not let his nervousness show.

“Computer record conversation”

“Recording.”

“Consent interview with Doctor Leonard McCoy. Ensign. Commander Una Chin-Riley conducting.

“Under what circumstances did you meet and become involved with Captain Christopher Pike?”

Len took a breath. With as little details as he could managed, he told her about meeting Chris at Kelso’s and then about attempting to get as drunk as he could as fast as he could and getting sick. Then, Chris taking him home, and feeding him, and his spending the night.

“Was alcohol a factor?”

“Not really. I threw up most of what I’d drank. The walk back to his place cleared my head. And the food and coffee settled my stomach.”

“Were you in any way coerced?”

“No. In fact, that was one of the kindest things anyone has ever done for me. He was…I don’t even know, just so caring. But for the record: neither one of us knew the other was in Starfleet. I only knew his name was Chris. I honestly never expected to see him again.”

“And the next time?”

Len snorted. “You were there for that. Well, not the good part. I had no idea he was Captain Pike until he opened the door to his quarters. And no, I did not feel at all coerced. If anything, he made me come to him. There is something between us though. I’m not sure yet what it is, but I think it’s important. He is important to me.”

“Do you have any reservations at all about this relationship?”

“No reservations at all.” He hoped to God it was as good as it looked like it might be. Truth was, he was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“Computer stop recording.”

“Recording stopped.”

“Computer send a copy to Dr. McCoy and me.”

“Recording sent.”

“Thank you, Commander. And any advice on who else to ask?”

“I think anyone you know on the ship’s crew would be happy to help you out.”

“Thing is, you were an easy choice because you already know about us, and you’re friends with Chris – Captain Pike.”

She laughed at that. “You’re going to have trouble with that, aren’t you?”

“Even in my own head, sometimes,” Len said, trying not to smile. “It’s going to be a challenge, I’m sure.”

“You’ll need to work the rest of your signatures out on your own. I can’t help you.”

Len nodded. He’d ask Dr. M’Benga and then figure out the last one.

Turned out that not only did M’Benga ask him the same questions, but he also ran a toxicology screen. Though the kinds of drugs that would make him say yes when he meant no, wouldn’t stay in his system that long.

M’Benga also had known that Chris was involved with him. It seemed it was not even remotely a secret.

*****

“Doc?” Lieutenant Ortegas asked, tentatively. “You wanted to see me?”

He had an office. It was the size of a closet. But it was more than most cadets had. And it had a door that closed. But the place was so small he hated closing it. Unfortunately, he needed to for this conversation.

“Please come in and close the door, lieutenant.”

She looked, if not concerned exactly, then maybe a little worried.

“So, you are one of the only people on this ship who I know who is an officer and only one rank above mine.”

She tilted her head. “That’s true.”

Len sighed. This was harder to do than he’d thought. “I need to ask a huge favor of you.”

At that, she relaxed a little. “What can I help you with?”

“Can you read this and then I’ll try and answer any questions you might have. I had no idea any of this existed, until yesterday. But I need to get this done as quickly and God, as quietly as possible.”

She took the Padd and looked down at it for a second and then back up at him. “What am I looking at?”

“A Starfleet consent interview form,” Len said.

“Fuck me! Seriously?” she looked incredulous. Like she couldn’t believe it.

Well, Len agreed with that. “Seriously.”

“Fuck me twice.”

“No, that’s what got me into this situation in the first place.” Len tried to keep the blush off his face. Not very successfully, he was sure. “You and I would not have to fill out something like this since we’re only one rank apart.”

“And I’m not going to be able to talk about this, am I?” She sounded disappointed about that.

“I would ask that you didn’t. It’s extremely personal. And you’re about to learn some details that I am sure the captain would not be happy to have spread around the ship.”

“Why me?” she asked.

“I’ve been here less than a week. You are literally the only person I know who isn’t at least two ranks above my rank.”

“Oh, right. You’re a cadet. I keep forgetting. As you’ve pointed out, you’re older than me and a real doctor.”

“How old are you?” Len asked.

“Twenty-five. You?”

“Thirty-one.”

“The captain?”

He hesitated for a second. “Forty-three.”

“Let me read this.” She bent over it for a few minutes. “Okay. I can do this. It says you don’t have to go into details, so please don’t.”

“Believe me, I won’t.” Just the story was enough.

Ortegas asked the questions, and he gave the same answers for the third time. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting by the end. She was very professional about the whole thing. It could have been so much more embarrassing than it was.

“You know, I had no idea that any of this existed. I hadn’t even heard a rumor about it.” It appeared she was very surprised to learn that there was no information or gossip about it out there.

“Well, of course, I wouldn’t have. But from what I’ve been able to learn, it’s used more as a deterrent to casual encounters between those with too much rank disparity between them. And no one below the rank of commander really knows about it. It’s required more to protect the younger members of the crew from being exploited by someone with much more power than they have.”

“Which makes sense. And it also says how much Captain Pike…values you. That he’s willing to go this far.”

“I realize that. Though it is a massive invasion of our privacy. You didn’t need to know that much detail about your captain’s love life.”

She nodded and met his eyes. “On the other hand, nothing you’ve said surprised me in the slightest about him. If anything, my admiration for him goes up from how he’s treated you.”

That was not something that Len had thought of. “You can’t talk about it.”

“I know. I’m good with that. It’s just too private to gossip about.”

“Thank you, Lieutenant. I do appreciate it.” And he really, really did. “Everyone knows about him and me, don’t they?”

“You left the captain’s quarters at 0810 yesterday morning and 0730 this morning, wearing his sweats,” she recited without even a smile.

“How would anyone know that at a glance,” Len asked completely horrified that he and Chris were the subject of that much gossip already.

“Rumor has it that the t-shirt was a twenty-year-old Academy shirt and too big for you,” she said, and this time she did smile.

Len put his head on his desk. “How is this my life?”

“You are the envy of almost every person on this ship that is not actively engaged in a relationship. Or really, maybe half of them that are, as well.” She made it sound like it was something he should know already.

But Len just looked at her. He could not believe what she was saying. “You?”

She shook her head. “I’m not saying he isn’t really good-looking, because I can see that he is. But I’m less interested in men in general than I am in women.”

“You don’t have to justify not being attracted to someone. Attraction isn’t something you choose. It just is,” Len said.

Ortegas shrugged. “More people than not are in that pansexual middle ground of being able to go both ways.”

“But you’re not.”

“Mostly not. I’ve always thought that the right man at the right time might be able to change my mind. But so far, not so much. Even Captain Pike.”

Len blushed thinking about just how good looking he thought Chris was. Off this subject now. Before she realized what he was thinking.

Probably sensing his discomfort, Ortegas stood. “Thank you for trusting me with this.”

“No. Thank you. And for your coming discretion. I’m sure it will not be easy.”

She laughed as she opened the door. “You don’t even want to know.”

*****

“Incoming message from Admiral April,” Number One said without an inflection in her tone. She never gave anything away.

There was never going to be a way to avoid talking to April. “Put it on screen in my ready room. You have the con, Number One.”

“Computer, put the privacy protocols in place.” No need to allow anyone else to hear him being reamed out for his life choices. He didn’t think there was anything April could actually do to them. They’d followed the rules to the letter.

“Bob,” Chris said, as April’s image appeared on his view screen. “What can I do for you?”

“A cadet? You are involved with a fucking cadet?” He sounded both self-righteous and furious.

“He’s a thirty-one year-old man. And an accomplished doctor. Whom Starfleet cannot afford to lose,” Chris pointed out.

“I don’t care if he was your age and still a cadet. He’s a cadet. Couldn’t you have waited until he graduated?”

“No.” Chris sighed. It would have been so much easier if they had been able to, but, “once we met again, we couldn’t let it go. It’s too important to us.”

April snorted. “You are not given to flights of passion. You are sane and stable. You don’t think with your dick. What has gotten into you?”

Well, he could tell the admiral, but it wouldn’t help his case. “It’s more than that. We are involved emotionally.”

“I’m disappointed to hear you say that,” April said, looking irritated at him. “I never thought you’d be so selfish that you’d risk your crew finding out –”

“Every fucking person on this ship already knows about our relationship.” Clearly, April was insane. What did he think filing paperwork was about? “What is this really about, Admiral?”

“Don’t you Admiral me,” April snapped. “This is about you doing something so out of character that I can’t even believe I’m reading this. Since when does anyone matter this much to you?”

“He’s the first,” Chris said, honestly. There was a feeling deep down inside his gut that said he’d better not fuck this up. That he might not get another chance.

“What?” April looked just shocked. “I don’t think I’ve known you to even have a real relationship.”

“I’ve had a few. But no one was the right person.” Chris knew that this was different from any other relationship. He hadn’t had time to consider how different and at this point, he —

“I had no idea this was even possible for you.” April’s tone had changed entirely.

Chris stared at him. “Neither did I. But not all of us meet our soulmate at eighteen at the Academy. ”

April grinned at that. “Fair. Some people have to wait until they are forty-three to find someone from the Academy. But you’re going to go through with this, aren’t you?”

“Of course, I am. Why would you think I wouldn’t?” Especially given their current conversation and that Chris had filed the paperwork for it.

“And if it doesn’t work out?” April asked.

“Then I’ll get my heart broken and go on.” Because there was no not doing this. Chris had to see it through. And well, he’d live with the consequences if it wasn’t what he thought it was.

“All right. Your consent forms have been filed,” April said, as if that was that. And they were all good now.

“Wait. What? You just spent ten minutes berating me for being selfish and now it’s okay? What is happening here?” Chris asked, rubbing his head. This was starting to give him whiplash.

“Just wanted to make sure you weren’t being led around by your dick. I’ve seen your Doctor McCoy, he’s quite a good-looking man.”

No, he didn’t just say that. “You’re married. And he’s mine.”

Chris had no idea where ‘he’s mine’ had come from. That might have been the first time he’d ever said that about anyone, explicitly. Possibly ever thought it.

“I am married. I’m not dead. He’s easy on the eyes.” And didn’t he just smirk just like he hadn’t spent his whole adult life completely in love with his wife.

“You think I haven’t noticed this?” Chris asked and then looked at April. “You wanted to make sure I was serious?”

“You’ve never been serious enough to do something like this before. I’ve known you for a damned long time, Chris. I want to make sure that you’re okay and that the good doctor is good enough for you.”

This was not how he thought this conversation would go. “In other words, you were worried about me finding someone this late in life. And not knowing what to do about it.”

“Basically.”

“You might just trust my judgment,” Chris said, pushing his irritation down.

“On anything else, absolutely. But not so much when it comes to relationships. This is not going to be easy for either of you.”

That was probably an understatement. “We’ll work on it, together. It’s not like we’re going to have to keep it hidden. That’s going to help.”

“If you remember, that’s one of the reasons it’s required,” April said with a grin. “But the crew may tease him about it.”

Chris was not going to engage on that. He just said, “He’s the one treating their injuries. I doubt anyone is stupid enough to risk that.”

“Maybe not. Congratulations, Chris. Really. There are a lot of people who are going to be just delighted to hear that the dedicated Christopher Pike finally succumbed to someone charms.”

Chris snorted. “I don’t think anyone is going to care that much.”

“I think you’ll be surprised. I bet Captain Batel is going to be shocked.” His tone and amusement said she was going to go ballistic.

Not that he cared one way or another. “I haven’t talked to her recently,” Chris said sharply.

“Haven’t forgiven her yet?”

Chris folded his arms over his chest and frowned. “Nope. She should have at least given me a heads up.”

“I’ll let you work it out with her.”

“Probably not.” He was annoyed with her. “Are we done?”

“Yes. When you get back here, I expect to meet him.”

“Sure. Because I’m going to spend my last few hours with him, entertaining you.”

April just laughed. “Why yes, Captain. I think you will.”

“Good night, Admiral.”

*****

Chapter Four – The Captain’s Partner

Two weeks later.

Len was so fuckin’ tired. He hadn’t done this much back-to-back surgery and dealt with a constant stream of injuries since he was an intern.

One of the things he liked best about the ship was the Port Galley. It served as a lounge on the ship. They had a full complement of real and replicated drinks. The cadets had been told they needed to be at least twenty-one for humans to drink.

The best thing was no windows. He sat at a table off to the side of the center bar and sipped his bourbon and relaxed a little. It wasn’t as good as the bottle in Chris’ quarters, but it would do.

Just a few minutes to decompress was all he needed. It seemed like he spent his life going from the captain’s quarters to sick bay and back again.

Okay, so that wasn’t completely fair. He had gone on an away mission and administered a couple of hundred vaccines on the previous planet. And now patched up those security folks from the last away mission.

“What do we have here? It’s the Captain’s whore.”

Len blinked up to see one of the security cadets standing over him. Big guy, kind of yellowish looking, so not completely human, Len guessed. And a couple of the younger security guys were flanking him.

“Go away,” he grunted. He was not up for dealing with anything other than his drink.

“You going to make me?” the words were slightly slurred. Was the guy drunk? Was he even old enough to drink? He was just standing there. That was kind of strange. But the guy took another step closer.

Damn, he was going to have to deal with this, wasn’t he? Stupid, stupid little boy. He looked up at him, fixing him with a hard stare. Maybe he’d take the hint and back off. “What did you call me?”

“I said you were the captain’s whore.” Just like that. There wasn’t even a lot of anger behind it, just a weird sort of dull something. Was there something wrong with this kid?

With another sigh of annoyance, he climbed slowly to his feet. The guy topped him by probably four inches. “You know, that being the captain’s whore is really only my night job. In the daytime, I heal people. Like the four security people who got injured on the last away mission.” He met the big guy’s wide eyes, which blinked a couple of times. “So, let’s think about that, shall we? You’re attempting to fuck with the guy who is going to put you back together if you get injured. How fucking stupid is that?”

“It’s very fucking stupid, if you ask me,” said Lieutenant Ortegas as she appeared at his side. Len hadn’t seen her since she’d done his consent interview. But he hadn’t seen many people outside of medical in the last couple of weeks. Well, and Chris.

“You’re on report, cadet,” she said. “And you two as well.” She jerked her head towards the two who had followed the cadet over. “Out now.” The two of them scrambled away. But the big guy just stood there.

“What were you thinking to say something like that to anyone, let alone someone you might need in the future,” she asked.

“He offends me.” The big guy, Len didn’t know his name, folded his big arms over his chest and glared down at Ortegas.

Len laughed at that. “You’re not trying to intimidate her, are you? She’ll eat you for breakfast.”

Ortegas smiled at Len. “No, I would not. I’m sure he wouldn’t taste good. Go back to your quarters, Cadet. Now.”

It took a second for him to respond, and he took a step back. Like he might go to his quarters, but then he stopped and looked around. It seemed he must have realized this wasn’t a joke anymore. Not that it ever was. But he had no backup, and he could probably take one of them, but not both.

Actually, now that Len looked around, several people had come to stand within arm’s distance of him. Protectively. That was a little surprising. He hadn’t thought much about what the other beings on the ship might think of him, and to be truthful, he thought they’d be a little more hostile. Like the big guy.

“I’ll escort Cadet Jeffries to his quarters,” another one of the security people said while taking Jeffries’ arm.

“Thanks, Jackson,” Ortegas said and everyone else sort of faded back to where they were before this started.

She looked at him. “You okay, doc?”

Why wouldn’t he be? He hadn’t been threatened in any way that mattered. “Yes. Thanks. He’s hardly the first person to challenge me.”

“I’ve never understood people like him. What could he possibly think he was going to achieve with that display?” She looked perplexed.

He was as well. “I’ve got to wonder how he made it this far into the program. You would think he would be screened out by now?”

“You would think so.” She motioned for him to sit back down at the table, and she sat as well. “There are too many witnesses for this not to go to the captain. Or for there not to be an investigation.”

“I don’t want to cause him any more trouble than I already have,” Len said. But there was something about this that didn’t feel quite right, and he was too damned tired to figure out what it was.

“You didn’t do this.” She put a comforting hand on his wrist. “This was all Jeffries. And he’s probably looking at a suspension at the very least. Starfleet doesn’t tolerate this kind of bullying or overt prejudice. ”

Len sighed. “I know. If it wasn’t me, it might have been someone else less able to deal with it.”

“Your answer was fantastic.” She eyed him up and down. “Could you take him?”

He shrugged. “Probably not without damaging myself. But you could take him, couldn’t you?”

“Yeah. Probably. He’s big, but I’m fast. And mean. So, even not knowing you could take him, you still stood right up to him, though.” That seemed to please her no end.

“I’ve never been good at letting bullies get away with it. It offends me somethin’ fierce.”

She smiled at that. “You’re a lot like the captain in that.

“I guess I can expect someone to come to get a statement?” Len asked.

Erica nodded. “Probably the Commander. But you might want to give the captain a heads-up.”

“Yeah. I’ll do that. And thanks for the assist,” Len said. He appreciated her presence.

“No problem, doc. When I get injured, I want to be on your good side.”

He laughed. “I don’t have a good side.”

*****

No use in putting it off, Len thought as he hesitated before Chris’ quarters. He palmed the door, and it hissed open. His handprint had been added the second night. While he still had his assigned quarters, he spent most of his time in Chris’. And not just when Chris was there. It was nice to have a place to retreat to that no one else could get in to.

Chris was sitting on the sofa and Len sat next to him and gave him a quick kiss.

“I heard you had a problem with another cadet in the Port Galley?” Chris said when he pulled back from the second kiss. One of his hands slid through Len’s hair.

Len just leaned into the petting for a moment. He loved the feel of Chris’ hands on him. “Yes. Not sure what that was. It felt weird. The kid and he was really young, was…something wasn’t quite right with him.”

“What do you mean?” Chris asked. “Did you know him?”

“No. But something about the whole encounter felt, I don’t know, forced. I mean, who says that to someone who they might need to save their life?”

“A stupid cadet?”

“Except he’s probably not that stupid. That kid beat out thousands of other applicants to get his place at the Academy and then to get onto this ship,” Len said. “I think we need to run a tox screen on him. Probably right now.”

“All right. I’ll contact Doctor M’Benga, and I’ll have Number One escort him to Sickbay.” Chris picked up his comm and called Commander Chin-Riley and then Doctor M’Benga.

Len sighed. “I want to look at the results, too.”

“After M’Benga reviews them.”

“Fine,” Len said.

“Are you okay with what happened?”

“It was stupid. At worst a prank.” He looked at Chris and shrugged. “It’s not the worst thing I’ve ever been called. Do you want to defend my honor or something?”

“I would totally defend your honor.” And Chris kissed him again. Long and slow, his hand framing Len’s face. “But I am quite sure you could, and did, defend it yourself.”

“Yeah,” Len agreed. “I’m not worried about what he said. Half the people in the Port Galley moved to stand near me. Like they were going to protect me from this big, dumb kid spouting nonsense.”

“I would expect nothing less from my crew.”

“I wasn’t expecting it. And as soon as Ortegas and the security guy dealt with it, everyone went back to what they’d been doing. Nothing said.”

Chris laughed at that. “Oh, there will be plenty said. I can guarantee that. This will be gossiped about for weeks. Every single person on the ship will know about it.”

“As if they don’t know about us now? I get little smirks from just about everyone. And you’ve left visible marks on me.” Not that Len really minded, but Chapel felt the need to point it out to him. And then ask if he wanted it healed.

“Have I,” Chris said, running a finger along his neck. “I’m sorry. I should be more careful.”

“We both should be. But we’re not. How do you feel about everyone knowing about your love life,” Len said, taking Chris’ hand and kissing his palm.

Chris made a pleased sound and leaned forward for a kiss. “It’s not like I didn’t know this would happen when we started up together.”

“So, you don’t care about the lack of privacy?” Because it was an issue with Len. He would have liked to have kept this more private.

“More like, there is nothing I can do about it and have you at the same time. And I want you.”

Well, he could do something about that right now, too. Len leaned forward to kiss him again. And then again. He could do this all day long.

He pulled the padd out of Chris’ hand and set it on the table. “We’ve got better things to talk about right now. Or not talk at all.”

Chris turned towards him and slid his hands around Len’s shoulders. Len pushed forward until he was lying on top of him.

He had just started to unbutton the top button on Chris’ shirt when the door chimed. “Fuck.”

“Not right now, I’m afraid.” Chris pushed a little on his chest so that he would sit up. “Come,” he called when they had both gotten into an upright position.

Commander Chin-Riley came in and took in the scene and smirked. She excelled at catching them or almost catching them together. Chris waved her to a seat across from them.

“I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” she said as if she knew she was. Because she had many times at this point. “So, you were right. The cadet, Mark Jeffries, had been drugged.”

“With what?” Len asked.

“A psychotomimetic type drug.”

“What does it do?” Chris asked.

“It makes him open to suggestion,” Len said. “But there’s more, isn’t there?”

“Yes. While he looks mostly human, he isn’t completely human. And he was in the process of having a severe allergic reaction when I retrieved him.” She looked at Len. “Good call on knowing something was wrong.”

“I’m a doctor,” Len said with a shrug. “Truthfully, if I hadn’t been so tired, I would have picked it up sooner. How is he?”

“Upset. But physically fine. Even with the bad reaction to the drugs, he is already out of Sickbay. M’Benga took him off the schedule for tomorrow.”

“Good. Now comes the harder part of figuring out who did this to him. And why,” Chris said.

“What about the two guys from security?” Len asked. “They followed him to where I was sitting?”

“So far, they are sticking to their story of just following Jeffries when he said he was going to talk to the doctor about some medical problem. And were shocked when he said what he said,” the Commander said.

“And do you believe them?”

“Not really. They both have a history of pranks and hazing cadets. I’ll let them stew a bit longer and then they’ll confess.” She stood. The Commander started to leave and then turned back. “Your response was great, doctor. I’ve heard what you said from at least half a dozen people, who reported the incident to me in the last two hours.”

Chris looked at him. “What did you say exactly?”

God, he did not want to repeat that. “I’m sure someone will tell you.”

He looked at the Commander. “You can read it in the report. I should have this wrapped up by tomorrow morning.”

“Thanks, Number One.”

“Good night, Captain. Doctor.” She left.

He turned to look at Len. “What did you say?”

Len told him.

Chris opened his mouth and then closed it and laughed. “That was an excellent response. I think most people would have just tried to punch the guy’s lights out.”

“I’d probably break my hand and that would not do either one of us any good.”

Chris took his hand and pressed his mouth to his palm. “I love your skilled hands.”

“With that in mind,” Len said. “Let’s go to bed.”

“Excellent suggestion, doctor.” As soon as they were both on their feet, Len pulled him into his arms and kissed him slowly.

*****

“Um…Doctor McCoy?”

Len looked up to see Mark Jeffries in the doorway of the closet that passed for his office. “Mr. Jeffries? Are you feeling well?”

Jeffries nodded. “Yes. Thanks to you. I just wanted to apologize. And also, to say thanks. Because you know, I was really sick from whatever they did to me. So, even after I was so rude to you, you still saved me. So, what you said about it being stupid to fuck with someone who you might need to save your life in the future, probably was just a good line. Because you did save my life. Which I appreciate, a lot. Seriously, I do.”

“Whoa, Jeffries, slow the fuck down, and let me try and parse all of that.” Len could not help but smile. “Now I know you weren’t yourself. Do you always talk so much?”

“Sorry, sir. Yes, I talk too much. Too fast. I’ll shut up now. Or try to.” He stopped, but it looked like he was struggling not to say anything else.

Len sighed. “Doctor is fine. You and I are actually equal rank.”

“How is that even possible? Because you’re like a doctor. And all. And while I’m going to finish next year, I’m going to be on the younger side for security. But given my size in comparison to everyone else and that I’m pretty good at it. I should be okay. ” He blushed a weird kind of pinkish yellow. “Well, actually really good at it.”

“I’m hoping to finish next year as well,” Len said. Kind of charmed by this huge guy with his runaway mouth.

“Will you be coming back to the Enterprise? Of course, you will. I’m hoping to come back too. Though I think this isn’t going to do me any good, even if it wasn’t my fault. Which I know it wasn’t. But it’s still a thing.” Jeffries’ expression was halfway between a frown and a pout. God, he looked so young.

Len couldn’t believe that. “Why would anyone hold it against you.”

“Because it’s you, I insulted. You’re the captain’s, well, whatever you are. Which is not what I said you were by any means. Because really, I did not want to say that. At all. But you know, I can’t call you the captain’s boyfriend because, you know, he’s kind of old for that. And probably so are you. So, what do I call it?”

“I think partner might be an appropriate term,” Len said, trying not to smile.

“Oh, yeah. Right. Of course. They told us to use that term. But that always means, partner to me in a non-sexual way. Like a business partner. My dad had business partners. But I guess it works.”

“I think we can just forget the whole thing. You weren’t at fault. It seems pretty clear that someone had it in for you.”

“I just don’t want anyone to be mad at me. Especially you, since you did save my life. So, thanks again.” He backed away. “Yeah, I’ll just go now.”

As soon as Jeffries was gone, Len let out the laughter he had been holding on to tightly.

“Nice to see you laugh, doc,” Ortegas said, appearing in his doorway. “I heard the last of that. He’s kind of adorable, isn’t he?”

“It pisses me off no end that someone intentionally hurt that giant puppy.”

That set Ortegas off laughing, too.

Len noticed that she always seemed to be around. Almost like she was lurking, but not in a creepy way. “What can I do for you, Lieutenant?”

“Just stopped by to see how you were doing?” she said, casually. But she meant it.

Which he did not understand at all. “I wasn’t the one who was drugged and poisoned.”

“No, true. Rumor has it that the Commander got the two idiots who drugged him. And that they are now saying that they didn’t know he wasn’t fully human. And it was just cadet hazing.”

“Which many people engage in,” he focused on her.

She met his gaze straight on. “Ah, but getting someone to wear a dress uniform to a casual event might be slightly embarrassing, but it isn’t harmful. Giving someone drugs and then telling them to act contrary to their nature, is frankly, something else altogether. Especially when you don’t know what the drugs are going to do to someone with a slightly different body chemistry.”

She was right. And he supposed that if he figured out the thing with the dress uniform, they could have too.

“Look, doc, most of the hazing isn’t harmful. And maybe it will get the cadet to think about the situation before going into it.”

“Point, ” he said.

“So, are you okay?” she asked again.

“Yes, lieutenant, I’m good.” He looked at her. “Why are you concerned?”

She gave him a little grin. “Since I signed your paperwork, I kind of feel responsible for you. You know.”

As touched as he was by that, it wasn’t necessary. “I’m six years older than you and I’m a grown man.”

“Doesn’t matter. You’re the Captain’s partner. And well, you’re still a cadet. We take care of our own.” It was clear she meant it. Really believed what she was saying.

He looked back up at her. “Thanks, Lieutenant. I’m not used to having colleagues care that much.”

She stood. “Welcome to the Enterprise. And really, you should call me Erica, at least when we’re not on duty together.”

“You can call me Len.” And he realized that no one else did, besides Chris.

“Nope, doc, you are always going to be the doc,” she said with a laugh and a backward wave as she went out the door.

Len put his head back on his desk.

*****

Chapter Five – The Captain’s Doctor

Len rubbed his hands over his face. Four weeks in, and he still hadn’t found time to talk to Spock about his research. But he’d finally just made an appointment and told M’Benga that he needed to do this. M’Benga was supportive of the research. Not surprising given what life on a starship was like. It was all to the good.

He chimed Spock’s office door. “Doctor McCoy, please come in.”

His office was twice the size of Len’s office and very neat. Len guessed being chief science officer had its perks.

“Please have a seat. Do you wish for some refreshment?” Spock asked.

“No thanks. I won’t take up much of your time,” he said. “I’m doing research into treating delta radiation poisoning –”

Spock’s eyes widened and he looked startled for a moment, before it was hidden under the unemotional mask Spock, and most other Vulcan’s habitually wore.

“Mr. Spock? Are you all right?” Len asked.

“I am well. Forgive me, that was not what I thought you would say. Please go on.”

That was weird. And Len had to wonder what he thought he was going to say. “About a year and a half ago, I had a young patient die of delta radiation poisoning. She was too far gone, and I couldn’t do anything to save her. Since then, I have been looking into what protocols exist on other worlds.”

“I see.”

“I’ve read a paper by a Vulcan name Sacak at the Vulcan Academy of Science. I’d like to get an introduction to him, so that I can ask him about his research into this. I was told he was pretty traditional – whatever that means – and that I’d need another Vulcan to give me an introduction before he’d talk to me.”

“I do not know him personally, only by reputation. He is enamored with very traditional means of establishing communication. You are correct that you will need a formal introduction. Unfortunately, I am not sure he would accept it from me.”

Len blinked at that. “What? You’ve written some notable papers on various subjects. Some are parallel, though not exactly what he was doing.”

“I am surprised you know that,” Spock said.

“I like to know who I’m working with,” Len said, and he would bet that Spock and some of the scientists would have read some of his research papers. He knew for a fact most of the medical staff had.

“As I assume you are aware, I am half Vulcan. I do not know this for a fact, but it has been suggested to me that he may only consider a full Vulcan worthy of giving an introduction.”

Which probably meant that Spock had heard it somewhere from someone, quite deliberately, and that just sucked beyond the telling.

Len took a deep breath and reined in his temper. “Sorry. That kind of attitude always…surprises me. I believe that information that can help people should be shared.”

“I agree with you,” Spock said. “And it is possible that I know someone who might be of help to you. And she is a full Vulcan.”

“That would be great if she didn’t mind sending an introduction.”

“I believe I can ask her. I shall be speaking to her later this evening. I do not believe she will mind. It is logical to share information for the greater good.”

“Logical. Right.” Len bit back the comment he would have made. Spock was doing him a big favor, especially if whoever she was, could get him the introduction he needed. “Let me know if she wants to talk about the research. And thanks.”

“You are welcome.” He stood. “She might be interested, but it is not her field of study.”

With a nod, Len stood as well. “Hopefully, I can tie a bunch of different works together with what I’ve read of Sacak’s work.”

“I would like to be kept up to date on your research. I’m sure I would find it very interesting.”

“Sure. I can send you what I have now.”

“You seemed unwilling to tell Commander Chin-Riley about it.”

“It’s too soon, really. But you’re doing me a giant favor here. And if you’re interested, you might have something to contribute.”

He nodded. “I will look forward to reading it.”

*****

Chris woke with a warm chest against his back and a hard cock in the crease of his ass. He was pretty sure Len was still asleep. But he savored the feeling of being held tight. Before he met Len, it hadn’t mattered, he didn’t have a need for it.

Now, he had no idea what he would do without Len. It was going to be a very long year when Len went back to the Academy. But he hoped that Len would want a job on the Enterprise and that he, they would only have to get through the next year.

But then, he was one year closer to his fate. And could he, in good conscience, inflict that on Len? Len would know what was coming before he left the Enterprise. So, he’d let him decide what he wanted to do. If he couldn’t take knowing, then Chris would, heart-breaking, let him go.

“I can hear you thinking from here,” Len said against his back, his arms tightening around Chris’ torso, and his teeth scratching over his shoulder.

The alarm chirped at him. Fuck. “I have an away mission this morning.”

“I know,” Len put his head on Chris’ shoulder. “So, we don’t have time.”

“Nope. But it is not like you didn’t get some last night.”

“Only because I came to help clean up after your dinner party,” Len pointed out, his hands rubbing along Chris’ stomach and down his thighs.

“It’s only once a week.”

“I know. And it’s great for morale, if not so great for my love life.” Len nibbled on his ear.

And a shiver went through him. “You’re invited to them all.” Chris turned in his arms and kissed him. “You are practically living here.”

“I and everyone else on the ship knows that.” There might have been an edge in his tone.

Chris opened his eyes to look at Len. “Is that a problem?”

“Of course not, darlin’. I like staying here. But I’m a cadet, I shouldn’t be here all the time.”

“You’re my partner, and everyone knows that as well. I think it’s fine for you to be in my quarters for dinner anytime you want to be.” He kissed him. “They are my quarters and I get to decide who I let into them.”

That got a smile. “I’d still rather not go to every single dinner. I don’t have that much small talk in me.”

“Ah. The truth is revealed.” Chris reluctantly sat up. “I have to clean up. I’ll put some coffee on for us before I do.”

“You’re a god. I have been so spoiled. There isn’t going to be anyone ever again who treats me this well.”

“That’s only because I can and do cook you real food.”

“That too.” Len kissed him and got out of bed naked and stretched his arms over his head. “I need to get dressed, too.”

Damn, he was so beautiful, all long, hard limbs and sleek muscles. Chris wanted nothing more than to lay him back down in the bedding and run his hands and mouth over every inch of him. Later, he promised himself. He forced himself to turn away and head to the kitchen to set up the coffee.

*****

“Doctor McCoy, please report to sickbay immediately,” the computer said, right before the claxons started blaring red alert.

“What in the hell is going on?” Len yelled.

“They are beaming the captain into sickbay with injuries,” M’Benga answered. “We need you now.”

And for one second Len froze. But one second was all he had to spare. He took a deep breath. “Condition?”

“He was hit with several solid projectiles from some kind of weapon. He needs immediate surgery to remove them.”

“I am on my way. McCoy out.” Len moved.

By the time he got to sickbay, the gold sparkles were fading. Two of the security people were holding a makeshift stretcher between them.

“Get him into the biobed, now,” He barked and watched as the sterile field engaged. “Report. What happened down there.”

One of the security guys spoke up. “There was a scuffle with the people, and one of them had some kind of projectile weapon and the captain stepped forward and they shot him with it several times before they were taken down and killed. ”

The readings from the biobed were awful. “Prep him,” he ordered, nodding to Chapel, and then watched her do it.

Deep breath. He knew how to do this. He’d done it too many times to count before this time. All he needed to do was concentrate on what he was doing. That’s it.

Just one step at a time. Find the projectile piece, remove it, clean and repair the tissue surrounding it, cauterize the bleeding, and close the wound. Next one. And the next one. Until he could see on the readings that all the pieces, no matter how small, were gone. And finally, he was done.

As he stepped back, he closed his eyes for one moment, before he looked at the readings over the bed. Better. “I think, he’ll be okay. If there isn’t an infection.”

“We’ll keep an eye on him. Good work, Doctor. Now, do sit down,” M’Benga’s said, his voice was very gentle. “You’ve been operating on him for almost three hours.”

Someone guided him into a chair next to the bed. He laid his head against the side and took deep breaths. It took several minutes before he could even form words. “What happened?” he asked, appalled that his voice cracked.

“Apparently,” Commander Chin-Riley said next to him. “It was a coup attempt and they got most of the people involved. The captain was one of their targets because they felt it would destabilize the talks to join the Federation.”

“Why use projectile weapons?”

“They thought they would be easier to get in, and they were antiques.”

“I guess it was.” Len pushed himself to his feet. The biobed reading told him that Chris was holding his own. Barring anything unforeseen. He needed a shower and to be alone for twenty minutes.

“Go,” the commander said. “I’ll sit with him until you get cleaned up and get back.

“Thank you,” he whispered and did his best not to bolt for the door. He went to his own room, rather than Chris’ quarters, and used the too small shower.

After he washed the sweat off, he stood in front of the sonic cleaner, hoping the heat of it would relax the tension out of him. Part of him wished he could give in to the terror he felt at Chris being shot and being forced to operate on him. But he couldn’t yet. It would come.

He stepped out of the tiny unit and put both hands on the sink and just breathed in and out.

“Doctor McCoy, are you in distress?” The damned computer asked.

“No. I am not. Leave me the fuck alone,” he growled through his clenched teeth. “I’m fine.”

“Acknowledged.”

“Fuck.” He needed to get dressed and check on Chris. His wardrobe in this cabin was limited. He found some clean scrubs and one of Chris’ old Academy sweatshirts which he hadn’t given back after he’d worn it the last time.

After several weeks of slinking back to his quarters in Chris’ clothes, he finally brought some of his own to Chris’ quarters. And truthfully, at this point, he just didn’t care.

He stepped out the door, and Lieutenant Ortegas pushed off the wall. “Hey doc,” she said without her usual brightness.

“Lieutenant? Why are you here?” Len asked. He really couldn’t deal with anything else at this point.

“I knew you would ask me that.”

“You can explain on the way.” He started to walk away from her, but she followed him.

“So, yeah, the Commander said I should make sure you got back to Sickbay okay.”

“Why wouldn’t I be able to get there on my own?” he snapped. It wasn’t her fault. But she was available. He was sure he looked like hell. His hair was sticking up in all directions, and his eyes hurt.

“She probably had the computer monitoring you.”

“I see.” No fucking privacy at all.

“We’re just worried about you. That was a major thing you did in there.”

“It was my job. I can compartmentalize enough to do that.” What did they expect him to do, have hysterics and faint? “I’m a trauma surgeon. I know what I’m doing.”

When they reached Sickbay, she followed him in. He only wanted to make sure Chris was okay. There were all sorts of people filing past his bed.

“Why are there so many people in here?” he asked. Probably more sharply than he should have, given the guilty looks they gave him.

The Commander just shook her head. “He’s okay. Thanks to you.”

Len looked at the biobed readings. And yeah, he was probably going to be okay. “He won’t wake until tomorrow. Everyone should come back then.”

“You heard the doctor.” She jerked her head towards the door. They all filed out. Except Ortegas and herself.

The Commander vacated the seat nearest to Chris’ bed and he sat in it and slid his hand through the sterile field to take Chris’ hand. He didn’t have the energy to deal with anyone. Both Ortegas and Chin-Riley took chairs next to him.

He woke to the sound of M’Benga and Chris talking. And Ortegas and Chin-Riley were gone.

“He saved your life. I’m a good general surgeon, but I have never seen anyone perform that well, especially under the kinds of pressure he was no doubt under.”

Chris nodded. “I’m grateful he was here.”

Len raised his head. “How are you feeling?”

“Not as bad as I probably should be.” There was a note of humor in that tone, and his hand slid into Len’s hair, stroking him gently. “Thanks.”

He took Chris’ hand and pressed a kiss to his palm. “Try not to get shot by projectile weapons again.”

“I will do my best, promise.” Chris turned to M’Benga. “When can I get out of here?”

They both looked at the readings. Mostly in the normal range. “You’ll be sore for a day or two, so you’re off duty at least today and tomorrow. And Doctor McCoy is off today.”

“I have a shift coming up,” Len said without much conviction.

“And how much sleep did you get last night? After three hours of surgery?” M’Benga asked, pointedly.

Len just shrugged. He was okay with spending the day with Chris. He’d probably have to keep him in bed, and sadly, not in a good way. “Fine. Let’s get you dressed and out of here.”

Chris sat up and winced. “Yeah, I’ll be feeling that for a while.”

*****

The trip to Chris’ quarters was slow and was made more so by every single person who saw them, stopping to ask Chris how he was doing. Len was sure Chris appreciated that his crew was worried about him, but he looked ready to drop by the time Len steered him towards the sofa and pressed him down onto it.

“Maybe leaving Sickbay wasn’t such a good idea,” Len suggested.

“No. I will heal better in my own bed.” Chris leaned back on the sofa with a sigh. “Come sit with me.”

Len eyed him warily. That would really not be a good idea. He was only holding himself together with sheer willpower. Seeing Chris so weak did nothing to assuage his worry. It was too much on top of next to no sleep and yesterday’s surgery.

“Are you okay?” Chris asked and patted the seat next to him.

For a second more, Len hesitated, but the look in Chris’ eyes brooked no disobedience. He sat, close, but not touching him. “I’m not the one who was shot with a projectile weapon. I just operated on you.”

“Yeah. And a doctor isn’t supposed to work on people he…well, cares about,” said Chris with that little half smile he had. Like he wanted to say something else, rather than just cares about. And as much as Len felt the same, he could not think about that right now.

He needed to get Chris to bed. Preferably before Chris could touch him. “I specialize in this type of surgery. I was the best choice yesterday, even with my close relationship with you.”

“So, Doctor M’Benga told me. I even agree. But it has to have taken a toll on you.”

Len didn’t disagree. But right now, that toll was coming due, and he needed some distance from it. “I appreciate that,” was all he said.

“That’s why Number One felt the need to have the computer monitor you,” Chris said.

It infuriated Len that she’d done it. “That was a fucking invasion of my privacy. She also set Ortegas on me to make sure I got back to Sickbay.”

“That’s her job. Number One’s, I mean. She’s responsible for personnel and making sure everyone is functioning. She and I are the only two people who can ask the computer to monitor someone.”

“It was unnecessary. I was fine. I am fine.” Even he could tell he sounded like he was lying. He was sure that there was no deceiving Chris.

“Doesn’t sound like it.” Again, with that damned half smile. Like he was indulging Len rather than the other way around.

Len gripped the end of the sofa, hard. And took a breath. “What do you want to hear? That I was fucking terrified I’d lose you. But that’s not for anyone else to know or to judge.”

“No one is going to judge you,” Chris assured him.

But it didn’t matter to Len. “I still had to operate on you.”

“Quite well. Doctor M’Benga said he’d never seen anything like it. You were amazing. Every bit as good as you needed to be, to be able to get every piece of those projectiles, out of me.”

“I couldn’t even look at you,” Len said, hating to even think about it.

“That’s okay,” Chris said, his fingers drawing circles on the back of Len’s hand. “I didn’t need you to look at me then. I needed you to do what you did. Which was to save my life.”

He wanted to get up off the sofa and try and get some control back. But he couldn’t move. The terror from yesterday would not recede. What if he’d lost Chris? It would have been his fault. Unwillingly, Len sniffed.

“Come here,” Chris said, lying back and gently pulling him into his arms. Len moved without really thinking about it. He needed to feel Chris around him. Alive. Wrapping his arms around Chris, he held on, not as tightly as he would have liked, though.

“Shhh. It’s okay now. I’ve got you.” Chris’ arms tighten.

No. He was not going to cry. “I don’t need to do this.”

“Seems like maybe you do. I’m alive. I’ve got you.”

Len put his face into Chris’ shoulder. A tremor ran through him. And then another.

“I’ve got you,” Chris whispered.

And then, Len knew he couldn’t hold it back. He bit his lip, but it didn’t help. God, he hated to cry, and yet, here he was sobbing into Chris’ shoulder with Chris comforting him, rather than the other way around.

Chris just held him tightly, letting him cry it out, running a hand over his back. “It’s okay. I’m okay. Sleep now.”

And finally, with Chris holding him, he did let himself relax and fall asleep.

*****

“Are you well, doctor?” Spock asked from his doorway.

“Mr. Spock,” Len said, tired of seeing people coming into his office to see how he was. “What can I do for you?”

“I wished to let you know that I have contacted T’Pring about your introduction to Sacak. And she has agreed to write it.”

“Thank you. I appreciate that. Is T’Pring a friend of yours?” he asked.

“She is my fiancé.” Spock words were said without any emotional inflection at all and yet, they sounded so proud at the same time.

It made Len smile. “Thank her for me, will you? Does she want to read through the research?”

“I do not believe so. She knows Sacak and believes he will speak to you once she sends the introduction and your query.”

“Thank you so much,” Len said.

Spock nodded. “Your work will be of great benefit to many people.”

“I hope so. I don’t want to ever be in that position again.”

“I understand.” Spock hesitated. “Are you well?”

Len let out a sigh. “I am fine. Thank you.

Spock raised an eyebrow at him as if he didn’t quite believe that. “I will leave you to your work.”

*****

---