Reading Time: 159 Minutes
Title: Ashes In My Wake
Series: Betray The Moon
Series Order: 1
Author: halestrom
Fandom: Teen Wolf
Genre: Drama, Paranormal/Supernatural, Time Travel
Relationship(s): Gen
Content Rating: R
Warnings: Torture, Violence – Graphic , Past-rape in previous timeline, Torture scene is brief
Author Note: The title of this story comes from Hozier’s song ‘Arsonist’s Lullaby.’ A huge thank you to Harley for being my sounding board about all things Teen Wolf related, and for giving this a read over to catch my plot holes and mistakes.
Word Count: 39,678
Summary: Derek Hale is given a second chance when he is sent back in time to the day Paige died. He had no idea that saving her would send him down a road he’d never expected to walk. Sometimes time travel has unexpected, but not unwelcome, consequences.
Artist: Lalaith Quetzalli
Part 1
November 4th, 2004
Derek woke up gasping.
He scrabbled at the hands around his neck, trying to pull them away so he could breathe. The last thing he remembered was Kate shooting him in his apartment before everything went dark. He blinked, trying to see, but his vision was spotty. He could feel the claws at his neck, and he knew this was another werewolf. His mind flashed to Peter, but he knew it would be stupid. He wasn’t an Alpha anymore; he had given that up for Cora. There was no use in Peter killing him.
He got a grip on the hands around his neck and managed to pull them away long enough for his vision to clear, only for shock to cause him to lose his grip as his Mothers face swam into view. He tried to speak, but he couldn’t get enough air. He tried to fight, but whoever was wearing his Mother’s face was stronger than he could handle.
He could hear people yelling, but it was distant. He grabbed the hands again and managed to pry them off long enough he could take another deep breath, his vision clearing and familiar smells assaulting him. He shook his head. His family was dead; it was a trick. He didn’t know where he was, but he knew it wasn’t home.
“What…” he managed to gasp out as he tried to scramble away from whoever it was.
A set of hands grabbed for whatever was wearing his mother’s face, and he stared in shock at Peter’s face. Younger, less crazy, and trying to drag her away.
“Talia! It’s Derek. Let go!” Peter yelled as a second pair of hands appeared to help Peter.
Derek felt his heart spike at his father’s face, his eyes flashing deep golden as he grabbed Talia around the waist and pulled her back. “Talia! What is wrong? It’s Derek!” Richard yelled, struggling.
Derek managed to shove at his Mother’s arms, pushing her away long enough he could get back, pressing his back up against the headboard. He raised his arms, ready to defend himself against whatever was wearing their faces. He knew it had to be Kate. It was precisely the twisted game she would come up with to torture him.
Derek pulled his legs up to his chest, his eyes flickering between Peter and his Dad as they fought to keep Talia back, her face transformed and eyes bright red. Everything smelled right, it felt like the memories of home he had, but he knew it couldn’t be. He had been in his loft, and then he had been here. There was no way this was real.
He wrapped his arms around his legs and froze. He felt small. He felt a lot smaller than he should have. He glanced down at his hands and saw smaller wrists; his hands were smaller, and his legs were leaner. He didn’t know what was happening, but nightmare or not, he knew his Mom wouldn’t attack him.
“Mom?” he asked softly, his voice wavering as he tried to play along until he could figure out what was happening. Playing along had helped him survive this long. “What…what’s wrong?”
“Alpha,” she hissed, eyes boring into him, and Derek pushed back against the bed frame even more.
He hadn’t been an Alpha since that night he had saved Cora, and he hadn’t regretted it for a single moment. Cora was alive, and that was worth everything.
“Christ, Jenna, call James and Eliza. There’s something wrong with Talia,” Peter snapped, looking over his shoulder at Derek’s older sister standing in the hallway with wide eyes.
Talia lunged toward him. Derek fell off the bed, scrambling to his feet even as he tried to put more distance between them. His body felt wrong. He was shorter and leaner; his body wasn’t responding the way he knew he could. Nothing made sense.
“Mom,” he said, voice shaky as he held up his arms, palms out towards the people wearing his family’s faces for help. Someone had to know what was going on. “It’s me. It’s Derek.”
Talia shook her head and growled, the sound making Peter and Richard lose their grip for a second before they grabbed her again, keeping her back.
“Mom?” he tried again, hearing the break in his voice this time as he crouched down to make himself a small target.
“Talia, it’s Derek; look at him, it’s Derek,” Richard said again, tightening his arms around Talia’s waist and pulling her back another step as his sister appeared.
Aunt Eliza took a second to take in the situation before her blue eyes flashed to red, and she charged forward, grabbing Talia and managing to drag her back another step. Derek heard footsteps and looked to the door as Laura ran in. It took a second, and then she was between them, her back to Derek and her hands stretched towards Talia.
“Mom! Stop, it’s Derek!”
“I don’t know who that is, but it is not my son!” Talia roared, her eyes flashing as she lunged forward again.
Laura caught her this time, the four of them keeping her from attacking Derek even as she struggled, their feet sliding against the floor. Derek walked back, pushing himself into a corner and sliding down. He pulled his knees against his chest. Derek was trapped in some hellish nightmare, and he wanted to wake up. He pressed his hands against his ears, trying to block out the noise, but it was useless.
“It’s Derek!” multiple people were yelling.
Talia roared. “No, it’s not, it’s an Alpha, and I want to know where the fuck my son is!”
Derek closed his eyes and pressed his face against his knees, willing himself to wake up, but nothing happened. He could hear feet scuffling as they held back his Mom, and more people appeared, Aunt Sarah and Auntie Nolie, each of their scents so familiar to him, but it had to be fake. They were all dead.
“Talia, that doesn’t make sense. Look, it’s Derek,” Peter snapped.
“Can’t you smell that? He’s an alpha,” she hissed.
“Derek, kiddo, look at me,” Peter said, and Derek shook his head, not wanting to look up and see the rage on his mother’s face, fake or not.
Derek heard people yelling as the floor creaked. Hale Alpha’s had always been the strongest, even against other Alpha’s. He couldn’t make sense of what was going on. Everything felt real to him, but he knew it was fake. It had to be. His family was dead, and Peter hadn’t called him kiddo in a long time. He knew it was fake because he couldn’t feel the connection with his Mom, the bond that he had once cherished more than anything.
“Derek, please,” Laura said, and Derek pressed his hands against his ears tighter, willing himself to wake up.
“Derek, look up,” Richard snapped, and it was so familiar he looked up. He met the eyes of the man wearing his Father’s face and swallowed. He looked like his Dad, he smelled like it, and the familiar calmness even in the face of Talia’s desperation was so familiar Derek whimpered.
He kept his hands pressed against his ears, the action feeling better even if it was useless. He watched as all four of them strained to hold his mother in place, Sarah and Nolie holding back his cousins and sisters. Everything felt like it was in slow motion as he looked around the room, taking in each of his family members and trying to make it make sense.
“Derek,” Richard said, his voice straining as Talia managed to take another step closer. “Flash your eyes. We have to calm your mother down to give her time for Deaton to get here. I don’t know what’s wrong!”
Derek didn’t know what was going on, but looking into his father’s face and seeing the worry there made him feel fourteen years old, and asking his Dad what he should do for a first date. It made him feel like he fit into his too-small body long enough to calm down as his mind caught onto a possible scenario that he wished was true.
He wished Stiles was here. He would know if time travel was possible.
“Come on, kiddo,” Peter said, voice straining as his feet slid along the floor.
Derek did as they asked and flashed his eyes. He had enough time to see the shock on their faces, and that moment was all Talia needed as she broke free and lunged, claws out to grab Derek before everything went black.
Derek woke with a gasp.
He scrambled back, pushing himself against the headboard before his mind fully caught up to what was happening. He wrapped his arms around his legs, aware that they were still too small. He felt on the verge of hysteria, and it took him a few moments to get himself under control enough to look around the room. His mind caught up a second later, and he tried to push back further, away from his mother sitting in a chair across the room from him.
“Derek, no, I’m sorry,” Talia said, her voice worried. “You’re fine. I’m so sorry.”
“What?” Derek said, his voice scratchy and sore, and it made something pull.
He raised a hand, trying to ignore the shaking, as he traced it across the bandage on his face. He winced at the pain, his hand dropping down to the side. Talia’s face fell, and Derek felt his heartbeat spike as realization slammed into him. It had been a fleeting thought before, one born out of hope.
Derek had had more than his fair share of nightmares over the years. Of dreams like this, of his family whole and healthy. No matter what was going on, experience had taught him one thing. He couldn’t heal from his Alpha’s injuries. His face ached. He could feel the cut on his face, curving down around his neck, and he knew without a doubt that he somehow was in the past.
He pressed his hand against his face, feeling the ache as he pressed harder, and dropped his head down as the first tears began to fall. He was confused and terrified of what it could mean. He could feel the echo of Kate’s bullet ripping through him, the stress and terror as they tried to deal with the nogitsune. The way it felt when it had possessed him. He didn’t feel like that. He felt like he always did, scared and alone.
“Oh, sweetheart,” Talia said, her voice so worried that it made him look up at her, straining forward without leaving the seat. “You’re so terrified, and it’s my fault.”
Derek knew his eyes widened, and he couldn’t look away. It was his Mom, and she was sitting so close, and even though she had hurt him, all he wanted to do was hug her. He could hear people talking below him and hear more heartbeats in the house than he was used to. Everything was
like he remembered, and he was so confused.
Talia leaned back and sighed. “I don’t….I woke up, and I could smell an Alpha in your room. When I got here, it was coming from you. I thought you were someone magicked to look like my son,” she admitted. “If I had known it was you, I wouldn’t have attacked you.”
Derek could hear she was telling the truth, which made him relax a little more, but he kept quiet, watching her warily. He couldn’t help it. Every time his face moved, he felt the bandage move. “Why…why do I smell like an Alpha?” he asked.
He had given up that power willingly to save Cora, and Talia held the Hale spark right now. He didn’t know how he could be an Alpha, but he also didn’t know how he could be in his teenage body.
“Because you’re an Alpha,” Talia said, her words ending on a growl.
“I didn’t…how? I didn’t kill anyone, I promise,” Derek said, feeling desperate to find some sort of answer that made sense.
“No, we know,” Talia murmured. “Alan said you were a True Alpha.”
It took a second for Derek to place who she meant before he shook his head. “That’s a myth. And even if it isn’t, it’s only in times of need, and I…”
He wasn’t a leader. He had proven that time and time again and had failed each of them in spectacular ways.
“I know,” Talia said softly, her hand still outstretched. “Alan is looking into it.”
Derek shook his head. “So what? I’m an Alpha now?”
Memories flashed of when he had gotten Isaac under control, and he pressed a hand over his mouth to hide a hysterical giggle and failed. He pressed his face into his hands and tried to control his breathing, but he couldn’t.
“We don’t know,” Talia said, her voice sadder than before. “But Derek, sweetie, I promise we will figure it out.”
Derek didn’t know what to think. He felt fine, but he had learned to use memories of his family as his anchor a long time ago. He knew how to deal with the power of being an Alpha. He didn’t understand why he was one or why he was here. For the second time, he wished Stiles was here. He would know what to do. He pulled his hands away from his face and stared at his Mom, seeing the tension and worry in her face and the guilt he knew she was trying to hide. She looked like his Mom; she smelled like his Mom, and the cut on his face wasn’t healing.
He wasn’t asleep, and he didn’t think this was a trick.
He moved before his mind caught up, stumbling out of bed, and Talia met him in the middle, pulling him into a crushing hug. He pressed his face into her shoulder and inhaled. She smelled like the pack, a memory he thought he had lost a long time ago, but it was as if no time had passed.
“Oh, my baby,” Talia said, holding him tightly, rocking them. “I’m so sorry. I am so, so, sorry. I’ll figure out what happened to you, I promise. We’ll figure it out.”
Derek never wanted to let go. He wanted to stay there safe in his Mom’s arms forever as he tried not to think about how the bond between them felt stretched thin and distant and crumbling more and more every moment despite how hard he was holding onto it.
Derek shoved his hands into his pockets as he made his way downstairs in the evening, hearing everyone go quiet as he made it to the bottom floor. A hand shoved at his back, and he stumbled forward before catching himself and turning to see Jenna standing there, arms crossed and a smirk on her face.
“Hey, twerp,” she said, reaching out to ruffle his hair and shove him into the living room.
Arms wrapped around him from all sides, and he tensed for a moment before he realized it was his sisters. Laura, Jenna, Cora, and Grace were all wrapped around him, holding onto whatever they could. Derek hugged back whoever he could reach, Cora and Laura, as Grace wrapped her arms around his legs and held on tightly.
“You okay?” Laura asked, pulling back and looking at him.
He shrugged, not trusting himself to speak yet. Laura frowned, her hands reaching for the bandage on his face, and he flinched back.
“Sorry,” she said, pulling her hand away to ruffle his hair.
Derek kept trying to reach for any of the family bonds he had once had, but they were all gone, and he could feel his heart speed up as he looked around with wide eyes, trying to feel some connection. The one he had to his Mom was tenuous, and he was holding onto it as much as he could. He didn’t want to lose them again. He met his Dad’s eyes, and he could see the sadness a second before he was yanked into another hug, his Dad’s arms wrapping around him tightly. He pressed his face into his Dad’s chest, trying to reach for something he knew he wouldn’t find.
“We’ll figure this out, kid,” Richard said, pulling back and ruffling his hair.
Derek nodded and pushed his hands back into his pocket, looking around and seeing the wary look in everyone’s eyes. He dropped his head, avoiding everyone’s gaze as he sat down in one of the armchairs, pulling his legs up again. Everyone was silent for a moment, avoiding looking at him. Even Grace and Sarah’s kids, Hazel and Cathy, were quiet as if sensing the tension in the air.
“You’re holding onto things pretty well,” Eliza finally said in her no-nonsense way.
Out of all of his Dad’s siblings, she had always been the hardest of them. Nolie, Jodie, and his Dad had always been dreamers, optimistic people who always saw the best in them. Eliza had been the one to anchor them to the ground. It was why Derek always thought she had made for a good Alpha for the La Montange pack back in Louisiana.
Derek looked over at her and shrugged. “I don’t feel different,” he said softly, even as he rubbed against his chest. “I can’t feel everyone.”
Eliza hummed, blue eyes boring into him. “Well, hopefully, that stays true.”
“It’s cause he’s a true alpha, right?” Jenna asked, perching on the chair next to Laura, Cora sitting on the other arm, Grace at their feet.
Eliza sighed again. “I don’t know. Deaton and Nathan are trying to figure out what’s going on. But we all need to be on alert. If this is a myth coming true, then a storm is coming.”
Derek could see Laura roll her eyes and mouth ‘a storm is coming’ at him. He pressed his smile against his leg, hiding it from Aunt Eliza.
“Oh, I don’t see the fuss,” Aunt Nolie said, from where she was leaning against her wife, Juliet. “Derek’s always had the best control of all the kids. I’m not surprised he’s doing this well.”
“That’s cause he’s a nerd who reads all the time,” Cora piped up, sticking her tongue out at him.
Derek wrinkled his nose at her. Part of him had accepted what was happening, and the other half had a hard time believing it was happening. Everyone was so young, so happy, and carefree. They were full of life and joy and didn’t know what was in store for them in the future. Dream or not, Derek wouldn’t let his family burn again.
Conversation veered off, and Derek looked around the room, seeing Peter talking to his brother James. Talia was talking to her only sister Sarah, who was in the middle of getting divorced. He knew Eliza’s kids Sofie, Jade, and Ivy would be somewhere. The same as Aunt Sarah’s kids, Hazel and Cathy.
“…and the winter formal is next weekend, so hopefully, the dress is finished by then. It’s my last one. I want to make sure I look like a princess,” Jenna said, shrugging one shoulder.
Derek turned his eyes, staring at his sister as she talked with Aunt Nolie about the dress she was going to wear. Something about it set warning bells off in his mind, and he tilted his head to the side. Jenna was a senior, which made him fifteen.
Aunt Eliza lived in Louisiana. She only ever came for holidays and special occasions. Derek’s head whipped around, looking for a calendar and finding it, seeing the date and feeling something heavy settle in his gut.
“Shit,” he said, standing up, eyes wide as he made for the door.
“Derek! Where do you think you’re going?” Talia called, stepping out of the kitchen.
“Promised I’d meet Paige,” Derek called over his shoulder, not turning around as he opened the door.
“Derek!”
He could hear the command in his Mom’s voice, but he ignored it. He felt a soft pull for a second before it was gone, and he was running through the preserve. He pushed it, arms and legs flying as he prayed that he wasn’t too late.
It was later than he thought it was, the sun had set, and he could vaguely remember an after-school nap the first time around, but he mostly remembered Paige dying under his hands. That wasn’t going to happen this time.
Derek knew how to avoid roads so no one could see him running. He saw the school’s lights through the trees before he burst through. He heard a scream and sped up, crashing through the doors with a grunt as he ran towards a second scream. He knew where he needed to go, throwing himself through gym doors without hesitation. He saw Paige backing up, and he let out a growl when he saw the blood seeping from the bite as she was backing away from a shifted Ennis.
“Little baby Hale,” Ennis growled, claws out.
Derek charged. He knew how to fight, he had killed Alphas before, and he wouldn’t let Ennis go this time. Not when he knew what would happen in the future. Ennis howled and spun to face him fully, and Derek let his face shift, his claws come out. His eyes flashed red, and Ennis stumbled. The split second of shock was all he needed to dodge around Ennis and climb his back. He dug his claws into Ennis’s neck and ripped his throat out, dropping back onto the ground as Ennis dropped to his knees.
Ennis stared up at him with wide eyes, and Derek tried to ignore the fear in Ennis’s eyes as he took a step away from the spray of blood. Ennis slumped to the floor, gagging, and his fingers, now free of claws, pressed against his throat as he tried to stop the bleeding.
Derek took another step back as Ennis went limp and turned, looking to where Paige had slid down onto the ground, looking up at him with wide eyes as she tried to stop the bleeding. He could already see the black beginning to creep out from the wound.
“Paige,” he said, dropping to his knees and forcing his face to shift back, both hands reaching out. “I…fuck I’m so sorry,” he said.
She flinched, her eyes wide as she stared at his bloody hands. He pulled them back, wiping them on his jeans, trying to clean them off as much as possible.
“Derek, what,” she said, looking down at her arm and back up again.
“I’m so sorry,” he said, wishing he had been there a few seconds earlier so he could save her. “I should have told you.”
Paige shook her head. “I knew,” she said, her voice emotionless with shock. “Or I suppose I suspected.”
Derek felt out of sorts. He felt too big for his skin, and he shook his head, trying to get himself under control. “I should have been here sooner,” he said through gritted teeth, one hand reaching out carefully, and this time Paige didn’t flinch away.
Derek shifted closer, and then Paige was in his arms. He hugged her, holding her tightly, and tried not to sob. He knew what was going to happen. He didn’t want to kill her again; he didn’t want to see her puke up black blood, and it was all his fault. His stupid fifteen-year-old self.
Derek picked her up, pulling her into his lap as he leaned against the wall, holding her close. It felt like no time had passed, and he was in the cellar under the Nemeton. He knew he needed to run and take her somewhere safe away from the body, but it was useless. She would die regardless of where they were.
“It hurts,” Paige whimpered.
Derek wrapped a hand around her wrist and began to draw the pain away, gritting his teeth against the slick-wrong feeling. It felt like he was filling himself with wolfsbane and pushed past it to draw more pain until she slumped against him, the tension gone.
“Better,” she mumbled, sounding drunk as she started to shake, little shivers.
Paige coughed, and he could smell the rejection. He tensed when he heard footsteps through the school and looked up in time to see his Mom and Peter slide into the gym and freeze. He couldn’t imagine what they were seeing. He could see the puddle of blood underneath Ennis slowly spreading out, and he knew the black lines were crawling up Paige’s arms.
“He bit her,” he said, staring at his Mom and willing her to do something. “It’s wrong; it’s not right. Something isn’t right,” he said, shaking his head as he looked down at Paige, who had started to shake and cough up the black goo. “Why is this happening?”
He tightened his hand and kept drawing the pain out, ignoring how it made him feel. It reminded him of the Wolfsbane gas Victoria Argent had used, the way it had made his lungs feel like they were going to melt away. He had survived that. He could survive this.
“Derek, did you kill him?” Talia asked voice shocked as she stepped forward.
Derek nodded, not looking away from Paige as he kept drawing the sick pain away. “He attacked her. It’s my fault. Peter said…”
Paige began to cough and didn’t stop. He dropped her to the floor and rolled her to the side, still drawing the pain away. He could feel the ache settling into his bones, but he didn’t care. He knew how to deal with pain; he had had a lifetime of it. He couldn’t let Paige die in agony again.
“What did Peter say?” Talia demanded.
Derek looked up to see Peter’s wide eyes and Talia’s flashing red, but he couldn’t feel the urge to listen to her. “It would be romantic. I was gonna meet her here and then asked her to go to the dance with me in the music room. I had a stupid song I was gonna play on the piano.”
Paige choked, and Derek reached out, brushing her hair back. “It’s okay, it’ll be okay, I promise, okay?” he said, drawing out more of her pain until she relaxed again. He coughed, tasting something vile, and he ignored it, swallowing it back down as he focused on Paige. He could see the black crawling from her arms up into his, and he felt like he was burning.
“Derek, what happened?” Peter asked, stepping forward, looking a little calmer than he had been.
“I was running here, and I heard Paige screaming, and I ran, and Ennis was attacking her,” Derek said, his vision blurry with tears. He hurt so much, and he could feel the sick sensation crawling up in the back of his throat that wouldn’t go away no matter how many times he swallowed. “And I attacked, and I don’t…”
He trailed off, not knowing how to explain what he had done, how he had flashed his eyes so it would shock Ennis and give him enough time to dart in and finish the job. He didn’t know how to explain that experience had taught him the value of the element of surprise. He kept his eyes on Paige, on the black lines crawling up his arms, beginning to spread and widen. He didn’t want to see either of them right now.
“I had to save her,” he said, a lifetime of hurt and ache in those words.
“Derek,” Talia said, crouching down next to him. She reached out a hand but stopped before she touched him, her fingers hovering close enough he could feel the heat, but far enough away, it might as well have been an ocean. She had never hesitated to touch him before. “She’s…she’s rejecting the bite, baby.”
Derek shook his head. He had gone through this once before, and he refused to see it again. He had saved Cora. He’d give up both the sparks he held to save Paige. His stomach was roiling, and every part of him felt like he had been dipped in oil. His hands were entirely black now, spreading up his elbows. He felt the tears drip down his face, and he started to cough, unable to stop.
“Derek, you’ve gotta stop,” Talia said more firmly, her worry shining through.
Derek shook his head. “No!” he snapped, feeling his teeth lengthen, and it hurt, and it kept on hurting. He could taste blood in his mouth, and his gums ached.
Derek didn’t know why people rejected the bite. As far as he knew, no one knew why they rejected it, but as far as he was concerned, that also meant they could come back from this. He had seen things, impossible things. He had seen his Uncle burned and crazy come back to life whole and healthy. He had seen fragile humans stand up for him purely because it was the right thing to do. He knew the world was full of impossible things and amazing things, and he wanted to believe in this one.
“Derek, baby, please stop,” Talia pleaded, her hand dropping onto his shoulder.
Peter dropped down on the other side of Paige and looked at him, blue eyes wide and confused and calculating the way they always were. “Derek, kiddo…”
Derek roared. “No!”
He saw Peter and his Mom flinch back, but he didn’t care. He dropped his head back down, ignoring the way the black was climbing up his arms towards his chest, and he could feel the rot settle into his bones like a fungus in a tree, ready to eat the insides and shatter him into dust. He didn’t care.
The snapping of the bond was painful, and it felt like something was ripped out of his chest. He lurched forward with a cry, a hand pressed against his chest as he tried to make sense of what was happening. Paige groaned, rolling to the side and started to dry heave, black goo spilling out of her mouth for a few moments before it stopped, and she inhaled sharply.
“Derek, Derek, you can stop,” Talia said, her hand finally dropping.
Derek could feel his vision blurring. “No,” he whispered, not sure he could believe what he saw as the darkness on her arms around the bite began to recede.
“Derek, the bond will only snap into place if she’ll survive. It’s a survival mechanism,” Peter said, reaching over Paige and gripping his other shoulder, squeezing.
Derek shuddered and looked down at Paige, panting, her eyes wide and staring up at him. The black was gone from her arms, and he could see it receding down his, his skin returning to normal. He met Paige’s gaze and slowly drew his hands back, and nothing happened. She kept breathing, and he watched as the bite slowly began to heal, the skin smoothing out right before his eyes. Only the blood around it remained.
He felt his stomach roil, and he turned suddenly, dropping onto his hands and knees as he began to throw up black goo, his body rejecting whatever sickness he had pulled into himself. He could see the blackness fading down his arms as he kept throwing up. It tasted like decay, like a body left too long in the sun, of meat filled with maggots and the sick smell of sour milk. He gagged, throwing up one more time before settling into dry heaving.
He inhaled as he got his body under control, suddenly aware of a hand rubbing circles on his back. He looked up and met his mother’s eyes, seeing the shock in them. Everything hurt. Every muscle ached in a way he hadn’t ever experienced. He managed to pull his fangs back in, and it didn’t hurt this time, but he could feel the ghost of the hurt lingering.
“Derek.”
He looked over at Paige, seeing her wide tear-filled eyes, and he began to shake even harder, feeling like his teeth were about to rattle out of his head. Paige let out a sob, and then she moved, tackling him and wrapping her arms around him. He felt claws dig into his sides, and he grunted, ignoring it as he wrapped his arms around her tightly, holding her close. He began to rock her, not sure what the hell to do now.
“How?” he asked, voice hoarse.
Talia shook her head, looking over at Peter, who frowned.
“This shouldn’t be possible,” Peter said, stepping closer and tilting his head as he looked at Paige.
“No shit,” Derek muttered, still rocking Paige.
“Language,” Talia said automatically. “How did you do that?”
She reached a handout, and Derek bit back the urge to growl. It was his Mom. Talia rested a hand on Paige’s back, beginning to rub her back as she had done for Derek. He felt the claws dig into his side, and he grunted again, trying not to flinch. Talia’s eyes met his before she looked back at Paige.
“Paige, I need you to focus,” Talia said. gently. “Focus on an Anchor, your family, anyone. I need you to focus on someone you love and control the shift. I know it’s hard, but Derek tells me you’re smart. You can do this.”
Paige shook her head, still sobbing, and Derek kept rocking her, not sure what else he could do. Talia looked up at him, her eyebrows raised in expectation, and he shook his head. She looked at Paige meaningfully before looking back at him, eyebrows even higher, clearly expecting him to repeat what she had said.
Part of Derek now understood what Stiles had told him years ago about his eyebrows.
“Focus on music,” he said suddenly, looking down at her. “On what it feels like when you play the cello, how in control you are because you know what you’re doing. It’s you and the music, and you’re good at it.”
Derek started to hum one of the songs he remembered her playing. It was a snippet from memory, a song he had never been able to find no matter how hard he tried or who he asked. He knew it was out of tune and awkward, but he had never forgotten it. She had been playing it the first time he had seen her.
He kept humming the same tune repeatedly until he felt the claws retract from his back, and the tension left Paige’s shoulders. She raised her head in time for Derek to watch her eyebrows reappear, her teeth shrinking back to normal. “There you are,” he said with a watery smile, feeling worn out. He’d rather face the Alpha pack again, alone.
Paige managed a shaky smile back and rubbed a hand over her face. “How did you know that song?”
“You were playing it the first time we met,” Derek admitted, blushing. “I couldn’t find what song it was, though.”
“I wrote it.”
“Oh.”
Peter snorted in the background, and Paige turned to look at him, lips pulled back into a snarl.
“Hey, no, it’s okay. It’s my uncle Peter, and that’s my Mom, Talia,” he explained, reaching out to grip her shoulders and keep her back. “They’re helping.”
Paige caught sight of Ennis at that moment, and she clapped a hand over her mouth, muffling her shriek, and shuffled back until she hit the wall. Derek winced. He knew it looked horrible, but he had become inured to death, and it didn’t bother him as much as it once had.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, looking between Ennis and Paige before finally looking at his Mom, knowing everything would change. “I’m sorry.”
Derek wrapped the blanket tighter around his shoulders, cupping the hot drink in his hands as he watched as the Sheriff and Talia talked, Noah Stilinski staring between them with eyes that were wider than normal. It was odd not to see Noah Stilinski with the Sherriff’s badge, hands on his hips as he dealt with each blow. He wondered if Noah hadn’t known because his Mom hadn’t been around to tell him after the current Sheriff retired, whenever that was.
He pulled the blanket tighter and looked over at Paige, who was sitting shellshocked with equally shellshocked parents. Now and again, one of them would glare at him before it would fade to confusion. Derek understood. He had asked Paige to meet him at school, but he had also saved her life. He looked down, unable to meet the recrimination and sadness in their eyes. He felt someone slide down the wall next to him, and he looked over to see his Dad looking older than Derek remembered him.
“You did good,” Richard said softly, looking at him. “I know it doesn’t feel like it, but you protected someone from an Alpha who had gone insane, and you stopped her bite rejection. Those are good things, Derek.”
Derek looked back down at his hands and shrugged. “I asked her to meet me here.”
Richard chuckled. “You’re fifteen years old and asked a girl to meet you. That has been going on since time began.”
“If I had been earlier,” he attempted before trailing off. Earlier, he had been choked out by his mother until he was unconscious.
Richard sighed and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pulling him into a hug. He pressed a kiss against the side of Derek’s head, and Derek reached for the pack bond between them before he remembered they didn’t have one anymore.
“I don’t want this,” he said softly. “Why can’t I be pack?”
He had lost everything and somehow gained it back, but he had still lost it in the end. Richard hugged him tighter, and Derek hated everything. His family was alive, Paige was alive, but he was still alone. He had still lost his family.
“I don’t know, but we’re going to figure it out. You’re still my son no matter what,” Richard said, voice determined.
Derek nodded his head, not believing what his Dad was telling him. He looked up at Talia as she crouched in front of him, her eyes sad. She pulled him into a hug, holding him tightly, a hand pressed against his head. Derek let out a sob and slumped against her, praying that this was all real and they were alive.
Talia kissed the top of his head, rocking him slightly. “I’ll talk to the other Alpha’s and let Ennis’s pack know what happened.”
“Who’s gonna be their Alpha?” he mumbled into her shoulder. “It isn’t me. I can’t feel them. Only Paige.”
Talia sighed again. “I don’t know. That’s not for you to worry about. Peter and I will deal with them.”
Derek nodded, willing to accept that. As far as they knew, he was a kid, and he was willing to let them believe that for as long as he could.
His head shot up as a new person arrived, and he saw Deaton making his way into the room, pausing at the scene before him. A sheet covered Ennis’s body, but there was no hiding the puddle of blood or the black goo spread out across the floor on the other side of the room. Derek rubbed his hands over his legs, feeling sticky and gross from the blood and goo that had gotten onto him. He wasn’t sure he’d ever feel clean again.
“Thank you for coming,” Talia said, standing and turning to shake Deaton’s hand.
Derek watched him warily, his opinion of the man heavily colored by his actions in the future. He wanted to give the man the benefit of the doubt, but Deaton looked the same. The people who had been alive in Derek’s future looked younger, but Deaton didn’t. He hadn’t aged a day in either direction.
“Do you have any idea why Derek was able to help Paige?” Richard asked, and the room went still.
“I don’t know. It could be because he is a True Alpha,” Deaton said, his eyes still staring at Derek.
Derek stared back.
“Sounds like a BS way of saying you don’t know.”
“Derek!” Talia admonished.
Derek glanced to the side, ignoring how her ire didn’t sit the same way it had when he had been young the first time. “M’not wrong,” he muttered. “If you don’t know, say you don’t know. We don’t know why I’m an Alpha. We don’t know why I could do that. We don’t know, and saying we have an idea makes us have preconceived notions.”
Talia inhaled sharply before sighing. “Perhaps,” she said carefully, her voice tense, “but Alan has a lot more experience in this sort of thing than we do, so we shouldn’t discount his opinion.”
Derek shrugged. “Jussayin,” he mumbled, pulling the blanket tighter around him. “I don’t know why I got this or why I can’t be pack, and I don’t like it. I don’t want it. I want to be a normal beta and have a pack bond. I don’t want this. I’m fifteen!”
Derek knew his heartbeat spiked on the lie, but his Mom gave no reaction except to sit down from her crouch. She reached out a hand and carefully rested it on his knee, squeezing gently.
“Derek. There’s a myth that an Alpha can give up their spark to save a beta,” Talia said softly. “I think that’s why you were able to save Paige.”
“So why am I still an Alpha?” Derek demanded. He knew the myth; he knew it wasn’t one at all. He could remember the sudden lack of power and how he couldn’t get enough sleep after saving Cora.
“Because you are a true alpha,” Deaton said, crouching down next to Talia. “And that power has been given to you by forces beyond our control. You should be grateful. Without it, I don’t think you would have been able to save Ms. Krasikeva.”
Derek adverted his eyes, pressing his face into his knees, and didn’t say anything else. It felt like years had passed since he had woken up, and he still couldn’t believe this was real. Talia squeezed his leg, and he forced himself to look up at his Mom.
Talia reached out a hand and gently peeled the band-aid off his face, her fingers stroking over the skin. Derek realized it didn’t hurt, and he raised a hand, touching the smooth skin. “What?” he asked softly, eyes wide as he looked at his Mom, who looked like she was on the verge of tears.
“I’m not your Alpha, Derek. You can heal from my claws,” she said softly, cupping his face. “I always knew this was a chance with you kids. You could’ve married into another pack, but never this early.”
Derek pressed a hand against his cheek and swallowed around the lump in his throat. Logically he knew it made sense, but he couldn’t think around the pain of being alone again. He pressed his fist against his chest, feeling like his heart was breaking for a whole new reason.
“I don’t want this,” he whispered, pressing his face into his knees to try and hide his tears as he mourned the loss of his family for a second time.
Part 2
November 18th, 2004
“They don’t know what to think,” Paige said softly from where she was sitting in her backyard, her head tilted back to look at the sky as the sun set.
Derek was sitting across from her, playing with the grass. It had been two weeks since the attack, and Paige had been dealing with it well. But the full moon was a week away, and she was antsy, unable to control her shift. He was glad their parents had pulled them out of school. The official story was that ,a homeless drifter had attacked them and they had gotten away but were taking some time off to deal with the trauma. The outpouring of support Derek had gotten surprised him.
He had forgotten that he had been popular in high school.
“How come?” Derek asked, leaning forward on his elbows and watching Paige.
He remembered being so enamored with her, and that sensation had stuck with him for a long time. But he was older, and all he could see was the black goo sliding out of her mouth, the cracking of her bones under his hands, and how her breathing stopped. Her life cut short by his own hands. It was hard to look at her alive, sitting bathed by the sunset as she worked to control her shift as the full moon drew nearer and reconciled the two images in his mind. He had been in love with her once, but all he felt was a strong need to protect her from all the hurt he knew the world had.
“The stories,” Paige said softly. “I was born in Bulgaria, and life was hard. Papa wanted a better life for us, so we moved here when I was six. We still go back and visit; my whole family is there. My Baba lives in a small town near the border of Romania, and they grew up on the old stories. You fix a cold with honey and garlic syrup, and if you have a bruise, rub it with cabbage.”
Derek could hear a rustling behind him, and he turned slightly, spotting Mrs. Krasikeva standing at the doorway, staring at the two of them. He met her eyes, and he could see the sadness there, and he turned away. He didn’t want to see the recrimination on her face.
Paige sighed, getting his attention. “Out there, where there’s nothing but land and mountains, you see things. You hear things. Babies are always born healthy if you treat the old widow well, and if you mess with the children, then the night messes with you. I’ve always known there was an underbelly to the world, where science didn’t have a root, and instead magic flourished.”
Derek found himself leaning forward, interested in where Paige was going with this.
“There was a story of a man who was so evil that when he was alive, the sun rejected him and forced him to live in the shadows of night, with only the full moon as his companion. And when he died, it is said that the Earth rejected him, and so he rose again, to wander the full moon and attack any who crossed his path. They say he is a man in the sun, but in the light of the moon,, he is a wolf,” Paige said softly, turning her head away from Derek.
Derek felt himself tense up, his fingers digging into his knees. “Werewolves,” he said softly.
“Pricolici,” a softly accented voice said.
Derek turned, surprised to see Mrs. Krasikeva standing right behind him, her hands folded. He kept himself still, trying to make himself seem less imposing. “Pricolici,” he said, trying to copy the pronunciation.
Mrs. Krasikeva smiled at him. “Close,” she said as she walked over to sit down on the bench next to Paige.
Derek watched as she reached out and rested a hand on her daughter’s shoulder, smiling at her. “Paige only knows one story. But I know of the others. See, when I was Paige’s age, I had snuck away with a boy. Not your father, but another boy. One I had known my whole life. He was handsome and kind, and I was so enamored. We were warned to stay inside on a full moon, that the pricolici was out there, waiting for us. But we didn’t listen. We were young and foolish, and though such superstitions were beneath us, so, we were out that night.”
Mrs. Krasikeva sighed and ran a hand through Paige’s hair, turning to smile at Derek. “Everything happened so quickly. One second everything was fine; we were kissing, and the next, he had blood running down his side from a bite. I dragged him back to the village, but no one would let him inside. We all knew the stories, and I was so scared, but I was so in love that I dragged him to the center of the village and bound his wound myself.”
“He changed, right there in front of me. Becoming something different and monstrous, and he tried to attack me. But the village men had seen him change, and they were there with guns.”
Mrs. Krasikeva swallowed and looked away from them, staring towards the sky with a faraway look. “He died, and his body consecrated by the queen of poisons and buried where no one could find him. They watched me for months until they were sure that I was uncursed. I never spoke of that night. Not even his Mother. He was lost to the woods, a tragic accident that happened often there.”
She lowered her head and looked at Derek, reaching a hand out to cup his jaw. “I never spoke of it, but I saw the eyes in the darkness after that, watching us in the night.”
Derek swallowed and froze, not sure what he should do right then. Mrs. Krasikeva smiled at him, her eyes full of pain. “Roses are commemorated in folklore back home. We have stories of fairies who would dance on the petals and give them their beauty for fair maidens to rub against their cheeks so men may know they are full of life. The thorns are said to prick the skin of the evil so we may see if they bleed black like the demons of the night. Most of the roses are pink, but one rose is a deep blood red, the same as your eyes.”
“Why is that one special?” Derek asked softly, barely moving his mouth, confused by the rapid switch.
“Because it is the rose of the Goddess, and through her, we began,” she explained. “This rose is dark red, the color of the blood that flows through our veins. It is a gift, and the rose is a reminder of her beauty and the world’s beauty.”
Mrs. Krasikeva nodded at him. “It is the same color of your eyes, and when I heard what happened to Paige, I could only think of the man I once loved, and I feared for her. I thought your eyes would be the same that we saw, a dark coppery red, similar to the spilled and dried blood, but it is not. You saved my daughter, and I will always be thankful for that no matter what else.”
“She was there because…”
“Because you are young. I cannot fault either of you for that, not when I know that story well,” Mrs. Krasikeva said, letting go of Derek’s jaw to turn back to her daughter. “Perhaps it is our family curse to love those of the night, but I am glad that this did not end in tragedy.”
Derek turned to look at Paige and saw tear-filled eyes, but she smiled. All he could think about was how his mother looked, pulling her hand back anytime she tried to reach out for him. Derek had stopped expecting a hug from her and was grateful for his sisters and their inability to leave him alone.
“My story ended in heartbreak, but perhaps the Goddess knew what was needed because, without that tragedy, I would not have you. This will be an adjustment for us, but we will always stand by your side, my darling.” Mrs. Krasikeva raised her hands and cupped Paige’s face. “You were chosen, and this might not have been the path we choose for you, but it is one we will stand by you on as you fulfill what you were made to do in this world.”
Paige broke down then, crying and wrapping her arms around her Mom. Derek watched, wanting to make sure Paige didn’t hurt Mrs. Krasikeva accidentally. He rubbed a hand over his chest and looked away when it was apparent that Paige was under control. He tilted his head back and looked at the sky, the moon getting larger and larger each day. He was worried about the full moon and what might happen to him. He was worried he would turn into Ennis, or the horrible thing that Peter had been before Derek had killed him.
“So, you think the thing in the forest was one of these…pricolici?” Derek asked when the crying was under control.
“Yes,” Mrs. Krasikeva said firmly. “A child of the night, both of moon and blood. Conjoined to become something monstrous. Whoever that poor soul was, he might have once been a wolf-like you, but he became something drawn by blood.”
Derek’s mind flickered to the twins and how they had joined to become something terrifying, but he forced it away. That wasn’t going to happen here. He would make sure of it.
“Omega,” Derek said softly, returning to the moment. He leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees as his fingers played with the grass. “We call them omegas. Werewolves are not solitary creatures; we need a pack to help stabilize us.”
He raised his head to look at Paige. “If something happens to me, you need to join my Mom’s pack,” Derek said softly. “Promise me.”
Paige looked like she would argue, but Derek flashed his eyes at her, and she nodded with a grimace. “Fine, I promise.”
Derek relaxed. “Omegas go feral, and they lose their mind, and a lot of times we cannot bring them back, so we have to kill them. It’s worse for an Alpha because they’re the anchor of the pack. For most of them, it might be a gift to be killed instead of rehabilitated. They often attack the people in their lives that are closest to them.” Derek slid his eyes to Mrs. Krasikeva and back to Paige, willing her to understand.
Her eyes widened, and her face went serious. “Okay,” she said softly, all of the fight gone out of her.
Derek knew he had to explain more, but there would be time for that in the future. He nodded his head and looked back down at his hands. “What happened? To the pricolci?” Derek asked, looking back up and forcing himself to meet Mrs. Kraiskeva’s intense gaze.
“We hunted, but we could never find the man. We saw the eyes for years, until one day they stopped, and we saw them no more,” she said softly. “Perhaps he died of old age, or perhaps he simply became something else. Perhaps someone else hunted him.”
Derek nodded his head. “There are some,” he said, his voice even softer, his mind flashing to blonde hair and a razor-sharp smile. “Who will hunt us. So, we keep our heads down, keep what we can do secret, and hope the hunters never come for us.”
“Why?” Paige asked.
Derek looked up at her, tilting his head to the side in question.
“Why do they come?”
“They say it’s to keep the balance and help ensure the feral werewolves are dealt with. But most of them are prejudiced. They hate us simply for being.”
Derek knew he was walking a fine line. He had known of hunters, but they had been the shadows in the dark, not smiling teachers who looked at him like he was something special. He would be damned if he let any more of his pack, old and new, be taken by hunters.
Mrs. Krasikeva sniffed and shook her head. “Animals, the lot of them, not doing what they’re supposed to do.”
She stood up, clapping her hands hard enough to make Derek’s ears ache. “Enough of this talk. Come inside both of you. I made madradjisko.”
Paige stood up quickly. “Really?”
Mrs. Krasikeva nodded. “Of course, it is the full moon soon. I am sure it’s like puberty, and you get hungry, right?”
Derek stood and nodded, forcing himself not to think about the upcoming full moon. His Mom had already told him she wanted him locked up for it, for everyone’s safety, and he understood. He wasn’t ready to be put in the cages under the house, not when he knew what could happen there.
“Right, Mrs. Kraiskeva. Especially the day after. We usually have a big meal. Mom will call you, I’m sure.”
“You’re family now, Derek. Call me Kalina.”
Derek nodded his head, shifting from foot to foot, feeling odd calling her that. “Alright,” he said softly.
Kalina clapped her hands again. “Good, let’s go.”
November 26th, 2004
Derek rattled the bars of the cage he was in, trying to ignore the memories of being locked away. Being tortured and hated simply for being born the way he was. He could hear howling in the distance, the yips of happiness, and the laughter from the few humans or those too young to shift. He rattled again, knowing it was useless, but the moon’s pull sat under his skin, and he wanted to change, but he was terrified.
He ran a hand over his face, feeling the heavy brows and fangs, and everything felt familiar. But he still wanted to run. He wanted to go out there and be free. To run through the woods and not have to worry about hunters. He wanted to feel the moon on his skin and not wonder what trouble Scott was getting into this time.
“You look anxious.”
Derek flinched at the sudden noise. He hadn’t expected Peter to be there, so close to the cage. He hadn’t heard him come down; his attention focused on what was going on outside.
“I want to go run,” Derek said, tilting his head back and looking at the ceiling as if he could see through feet of dirt and steel. “I feel like I’m going to crawl out of my skin.”
It was hard to look at this Peter and not think about Laura. Not when he was young, and he smiled without malice.
“Well, you’re locked in the cage on the full moon, and your only beta is running around with Cora,” Peter said, leaning against the wall. “I’d be surprised if you weren’t.”
Derek nodded his head. “I know, I know,” he said softly, dropping down onto the floor and dropping his head against the wall, banging it a few times.
He could feel how happy Paige was through their bond, and it made him smile knowing that she was alive and she was doing well.
“You’re doing well,” Peter said softly.
Derek lifted his head to see his uncle’s eyes flash gold at him, and he shrugged. “I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t even feel close to being out of control.”
Peter nodded. “We’ve noticed. I remember when Tal became Alpha, she would flash fangs for days after as she got used to the power.”
Derek waved a hand at his face. “Like this?”
“It’s a full moon, kiddo. There’s a reason most Alphas try and pass down the power during the last quarter when the draw is less. I suppose it has been three weeks,” Peter mused, tilting his head to the side and looking at Derek for long enough that he began to feel uncomfortable in the silence. “Who’s your anchor?”
“You are,” Derek replied, pulling his knees up and resting his chin on them. “All of you. I keep thinking about what could happen if I wasn’t careful, and it keeps me in check.”
Peter looked startled. “What could happen?”
Derek nodded. “What if I lose control and hurt Gracie? Or one of Sarah’s twins? Or hell, even Auntie Sarah. She’s as human as they come, and they’re all fragile.” He looked down at the claws on his hands. “I don’t want to do what I did to Ennis to any of them. I don’t want to be a danger to anyone, so I have to make sure that I’m in control. I can’t lose control.”
It was the truth; it had been a truth for a long time. Longer than Peter knew. Derek’s anger had faded, and he had to learn control. He had been as surprised as everyone else when he had realized that his family, even long dead, had been enough for him to gain control of his Alpha shift the first time.
“Who do you think of?” Derek asked, looking up at Peter, asking the question he had wanted to know for a long time.
Peter tilted his head to the side. “Same as you. Family.”
Derek could see the odd look in Peter’s eyes, and he raised his eyebrows, or he would if they were there. “What?” he asked after a moment.
Peter walked closer, resting against the bars. “You’re different.”
Derek rolled his eyes. “No shit, I magically became a mystical true Alpha for no reason.”
Peter nodded. “Aside from that. You’re more mature.”
“Alpha.”
“It doesn’t work like that.”
Derek shrugged and picked at the seam of his jeans. “How does it work then? Because I’d really like someone to give me a straight answer about all of this. About how any of this happened.”
“Deaton will find something.”
Derek managed to not snort, shrugging instead. “Doesn’t help me either way. I’m stuck like this, after Ennis.”
Peter hummed. “I didn’t realize…”
“What?”
“That he had overheard our conversation,” Peter said softly, looking sad. Part of Derek didn’t believe it, but he had to keep reminding himself that this Peter wasn’t burned and insane and come back to life. He might be his Mom’s left hand, but the Hale pack had known peace for a long time. “About asking for the bite for Paige. I meant it as a joke to make you ask your mother so she’d get annoyed with you.”
“Dick move,” Derek muttered, shaking his head. He tried to think how he would have responded back then, back now, and now he had no clue how to be a teenager. He had been so outgoing, so open to new ideas and experiences and meeting people. He wasn’t like that anymore. He had learned, the hard way, that people could be cruel and mean, and so few of them told him what they wanted. He saw evil in shadows where he once saw the shadows.
“I know you didn’t mean for it to happen,” Derek said softly. “I don’t even know why he did that. What was the point?”
Peter dropped down to sit on the other side of the bars, crossing his legs. “I don’t know either. He was insane. He had to be.”
“I suppose so,” Derek said. “I wish I knew. I feel bad, you know, doing what I did.”
“Killing him?”
Derek nodded, looking down at his hands. He didn’t feel bad, not when he knew what Ennis would have done in the future, but he knew what people expected of him. “I can’t stop thinking about it.”
Peter was silent, letting it stretch, and Derek focused on what he could hear. The laughter was dying down as the night dragged on and people got tired, but he could still feel the happiness from Paige. He wanted to be out there, and part of him wondered if he could break the cage open even though it was spelled shut.
“You know I’m the left hand, yes?”
Derek looked back at Peter. “Yeah, don’t know what it means,” he lied. He wasn’t sure how much he should know. He couldn’t remember. It was easier playing dumb.
“It means I keep track of threats to the pack,” Peter said softly. “And that sometimes means dealing with them. The Hale family is powerful, it has been a staple for a long time, and most people don’t mess with us. But sometimes someone will come along who thinks that we have something they want, trying to ruin us.”
“Ennis?” Derek guessed.
Peter shrugged. “Who knows. My point is, I have been where you are. I know what it’s like to have blood on your hand that you can’t seem to clean. No matter how dangerous the person was, you still took the life, and that lingers.”
“Your eyes are still golden,” Derek said softly. “Don’t they turn blue?”
Peter shook his head. “Only if someone innocent is harmed. I’ve never killed because I want to do it. I do it to protect my pack, not myself. And that’s the distinction there.”
Derek had a lot of questions about that, but he had no way of asking without giving them away. “Would mine have turned blue?” he asked softly.
“Red,” Peter said. “Ennis was an Alpha.”
“Oh.”
Peter shook his head. “My point is you’re not the only person to feel like that, and I can’t say it gets better, but it does fade.”
Derek nodded. “I hope so,” he said, looking down at his hands and scratching over his palms with the claws carefully. Derek dropped his head back and stretched his legs out. “Thank you.”
Peter looked puzzled. “For what?”
“Keeping me company.”
Peter looked even more puzzled. “You’re my only nephew. Of course, I’d keep you company.”
Derek grinned. “Does that mean you wouldn’t if I was a girl?”
“Who knows, you could be more annoying than your sisters, or less. We’ll never know,” Peter said, shaking his head. “None of us can believe you’re the only boy you know.”
Derek thought of his sisters and his cousins, all girls, and remembered being lonely when he was younger, spending more time with his teammates than his family because they were boys, and they understood what it was like for him. He sighed, banging his head against the wall.
“I’m going to have to quit basketball, aren’t I?” he asked, thinking back to Scott and how much trouble he had had.
Derek looked down at his hands, trying to pull his claws back in, but he couldn’t. He looked up at Peter, who sighed and leaned back onto his hands.
“Probably. The whole town knows you and Paige went through something traumatic, so it would make sense you didn’t want to be in a situation where you might end up in the school alone,” Peter mused. “Although they have added better locks to the school and have stopped letting kids be there alone after school hours end.”
“I know. Paige is pissed she lost her key,” Derek said, remembering having to tackle her last week when she had found out. She had almost run out the door to chase down the Principal to make them change their mind.
“She’s doing well,” Peter said. “You should be proud.”
“I am, I am. It’s weird,” Derek admitted, looking up at his uncle. “I liked her, and now I feel like she’s my sister instead.”
It was a half-truth. Derek looked at Paige and saw a teenager, and it made something in him wither and die. He was older, he might be in a sixteen-year-old body, but he looked at a teenager and saw a kid. Stupid kids doing stupid things. He barely remembered the day to day of being a teenager. It was all wrapped up in pain.
Peter rocked his head from side to side before he sighed. “I’m not surprised. Well, that’s a lie. I am a little bit because you were crazy about her. But oddly, it makes sense. I think it’s because you didn’t bite her. And then you saved her like you would protect your sisters.”
Derek looked back down at his hands and pulled his knees up, trying to will his claws away so he could do something. He felt awkward, like he had shot up four inches overnight, and he didn’t have control of his limbs.
“I don’t want this,” he said softly, curling his hands into his fists. “I want to be a beta. Laura was supposed to take over.”
Peter sighed, and it was a sad sound Derek hadn’t heard in a long time. He kept his face down, not wanting Peter to see it. He felt in control of the wolf, but he wasn’t sure he could control what was on his face. Especially not in front of his Uncle, who had always been the most astute of them.
“I know,” Peter said quietly. “Talia knows this as well, and I know she’s been a bit distant, but we’re all dealing with it. But no matter what, you’re family, kiddo, and you always will be. Alpha or not. You know as well as I know all Hale’s are family until the bitter end.”
Derek nodded his head, swallowing around the lump in his throat. “Thanks,” he said softly, not looking up, not wanting to look at Peter right then.
“Anytime, kiddo.”
Part 3
January 8th, 2005
“Hey Derek, did you clean your room?”
Derek looked up to see his Mom stop by the living room and look at him. He nodded his head and marked his place in his book. “Yeah, I’m waiting for my laundry to finish so I can fold it.”
Talia nodded, watching him carefully, and Derek didn’t know what to do. Everyone in the family treated him the same, but Talia watched him more than she had been. He didn’t know why. He figured it was because she expected him to lose control, but she never let on if that was her actual reason. She treated him the same no matter what.
She seemed to come to a decision and stepped into the room, sitting down at the kitchen table in the seat furthest from him. Before, she would have sat across from him.
“What are you reading?” she asked, propping her chin on her hand and doing her best to look interested. Derek could see the tension in her shoulders and how forced casual her voice was.
“The Hobbit,” he said, lifting the book so she could see the cover.
“Again?” she asked with a ghost of a smile.
Derek shrugged. “Why mess with what’s good?”
Talia’s smile grew, and she nodded. “I suppose that’s accurate. Have you gotten to the part in the barrels? I always thought that would be fun, if painful.”
Derek shook his head. “I started it; they’re leaving Bag End right now.”
Talia nodded, chewing on her bottom lip. “How’s school?”
Derek was aware of the awkwardness of the conversation, but he would power through. Just for the novelty of being able to talk to his mom. He smiled. “It’s good, people are disappointed that I quit the team, and I miss it, but no one gave me any trouble over it. Especially since I still help and stuff. I was thinking of joining another club or something in place of it once the seasons over.”
He also wanted to join it to get out of the house more, away from the awkwardness of these conversations.
“You know you can’t play,” Talia said sharply.
Derek bit back a sigh. “I know, Mom,” he said carefully, not wanting to anger her. He had managed to avoid arguments and tried to keep it that way. He wanted to be able to come home and for the house to still feel warm as long as he could. “I miss it, but I know why I can’t.”
Talia subsided. “You’re right, I’m sorry,” she said softly, but the smile was gone.
“Just looking out for me, I appreciate it,” he said, forcing himself to smile wider at her.
Talia’s smiled back, but it was more like a grimace. Derek felt his fade as he looked down at the book and remembered the warm hug he had gotten when he had woken up the second time in the past, how it had felt. And he wanted another one. He wanted to hug his Mom as much as he could. His sisters and Dad had gotten used to his hugs, and they accepted them without complaint. But his Mom always flinched back.
“Gammy and Poppa were an Alpha pair, right?” he asked softly, keeping his eyes down.
“Yeah.”
“And when Gammy died, you became Alpha, but Poppa was still an Alpha, right?” Derek continued, scratching at the cover.
“Yes.”
Derek was quiet for a long time before he sighed and looked back up at his Mom and saw her face had gone blank, not letting Derek know anything. “I …you’re still my Mom,” he said, letting the pain leak into his voice. “I mean, I know I’ve got this whole Alpha thing going on, and I don’t know why or why me, but people listen to their Mom’s all the time without any werewolf juju…” His voice got softer as he talked until he trailed off and shrugged. He glanced up at her to see her face as still as if she was carved by stone. “You and Poppa got along…”
He trailed off again, waiting for his Mom to say something, but she stayed where she was, not moving. Derek swallowed back the pain, and for a moment, he saw a flash of regret, but then it was gone. He kept waiting, feeling the silence draw out before he couldn’t take it anymore.
“I’m going for a walk,” he said softly and stood up, waiting for his Mom to do anything, but she didn’t. She sat there, as still as a statue staring at him. “Right.”
Derek nodded his head once and closed his book, gathering his things. He made his way to his room, pausing at the bottom of the stairs to see his sisters waiting. Gracie looked confused, but the other three were looking at him sadly. He ducked his head and shrugged his shoulders, unsure what he could say.
“I…uh,” he said, losing any ability to speak.
He felt arms wrap around him, and he opened his eyes to see Gracie hugging him. He smiled, bending down to pick her up into a big hug.
“Don’t be sad,” Gracie said, lisping around her missing teeth.
“Can’t be with a hug like this,” Derek said, forcing himself not to hug her as tightly as he felt safe to. He didn’t know his strength these days, and he didn’t know how to test it.
He set her down and made his way up the gauntlet of his sisters, stopping to get a hug from all of them before he finally made it to his room. He put his book away and looked around. Everything was away and clean. Derek was doing his best to make sure his Mom couldn’t get mad at him. Not that it seemed to matter these days.
He heard footsteps behind him, and he turned to see Laura and Jenna standing at his doorway. Laura took one look at whatever was on his face and sighed, walking forward and hugging him again.
“Mom’ll come around,” she said, squeezing him tightly. “You need to give her time. It’s a big change.”
Derek pressed his forehead against Laura’s shoulder as he felt a second set of arms wrap around him. It was weird being the same height as his sisters, or shorter in Laura’s case. He remembered the day he had finally gotten taller than her, three years after the fire and alone in New York, when she had to tilt her head back to look at him.
Both of them had spent the day crying when it had happened.
“I’m trying,” Derek muttered, squeezing his eyes shut and forced the memories away. “I’m trying.”
Jenna sighed and began to rock them. “Well, keep on trying, little brother. You know Mom’s as stubborn as Lou is.”
Laura made an affronted noise. “I am not.”
“Are too.”
“I am the right amount of stubborn,” Laura defended, reaching over Derek to push Jenna away and pull Derek to the side. “And I get hugging rights first. You need to wait your turn.”
Derek snorted, amused despite himself and everything going on. He lifted his head away from Laura’s shoulder and hugged her back. “Thanks,” he said.
“For what, squirt?”
Derek hugged her again before detangling himself and hugging Jenna, who hugged him back, wrapping him tightly and lifting him with ease. She had always been the strongest of them, at least until Derek had gotten his Alpha boost. Laura was the fastest, Cora was the one with the best eyes, and Gracie could hear for miles. Derek was Derek and nothing more.
“Put me down,” he said, trying to wiggle carefully out of her grip.
“Not yet, little brother.”
“I’m the same size as you.”
“Fun size Derek,” Laura said.
Jenna grinned. “Still not bigger than me yet. And you’ll never be as strong.”
Derek struggled a little bit, but he didn’t put his heart into it. He remembered when Jenna had done this when he was a kid, lifted him as easy as anything, and hugged him until he managed to struggle his way free. Laura would catch him, Jenna would hug him, and Cora always kept an eye out for anyone coming. They were planning on getting Gracie to listen in when she was older and could keep a secret.
Jenna dropped him finally, and Derek faked stumbling to get them both to laugh and ruffle his hair before they were gone. He felt his smile fade as the room emptied. He finished putting everything away and grabbed his shoes, pulling them on before making his way back down. Talia wasn’t in the kitchen, and he didn’t look any harder before he left and was out into the forest.
As soon as he cleared the tree line, he started running and didn’t stop. He didn’t know how long he ran, and he didn’t care. He didn’t want to think. He wanted to focus on running and keeping his balance over the roots and trees as the forest grew darker around him and the trees grew closer. He ran away from society, his family, and humans until the only sound he could hear was birds and animals as they scurried away from him.
He stopped finally near the edge of Hale territory. He knew the Chavez pack was to the north of them, the Ito pack to the east, and the Smiths to the south. The Hale territory stretched to the coast, but Derek didn’t want to go that way. He wanted to be surrounded by the woods, where it almost felt like he was wrapped in something warm.
The thought of his family made something throb in his chest, an ache that almost brought him to his knees. He pressed a hand against the nearest tree, bracing himself as he rubbed his knuckles over his sternum, ignoring the urge to run away from the feelings. It wasn’t like he had anywhere to go. He tilted his head back and inhaled deeply, reaching for something familiar and finding nothing.
Derek was alone.
He had come back in time; he had saved Paige and still felt as alone as he had been back then. The ache was different this time. He would do whatever it would take to make sure his family survived, sacrifice whatever he could, and do it happily. But he would be alone at the end of the day again.
His Grandma had used to talk of destiny, about the path the world set out for you to walk, and Derek had never believed it. He believed it now. He knew he was destined to be alone. He didn’t know what he had done to deserve it. His family had died because he had loved the wrong person. He was far removed enough from the situation he knew it wasn’t his fault, but he still felt the guilt weigh heavily on him.
Derek dropped his head back and fought to keep from howling or screaming. He couldn’t hear anything, but the last thing he wanted to do was bring someone to where he was. He wanted to be alone. He might as well get used to it.
He turned and began to make his way back to the house, knowing he needed to get there before dinner. He didn’t want to make anyone worry, even if part of him was beginning to believe that his Mom wouldn’t mind. He didn’t understand why she was so out of sorts about it. It wasn’t his fault he was an Alpha; it wasn’t his fault he had killed Ennis.
He kept his head down as he walked, watching where he stepped and focused on not thinking about everything. He wanted to enjoy the preserve. It had been a while since he had been able to do that. He hadn’t been able to run free and not have some dark cloud catching him to drag him under or a hunter trying to shoot him down.
He heard a sound and stopped, his head shooting up as he heard footsteps.
“Who’s there? This is private property,” he called out, knowing he was back on the Hale land, according to the county.
He heard sniffling and then the sound of someone falling and the cry of someone a lot younger than he had been anticipating. He walked around a tree until he spotted a kid in an oversized jacket sitting on the ground and holding his knee.
“Hey, kid,” Derek said, carefully taking steps forward. “What are you doing here?”
The kid sniffed again and looked up. Derek stilled in shock at the familiar face, years younger and rounder than he remembered, but he recognized him.
“M’lost,” Stiles said, rolling his eyes.
“Clearly,” Derek said, amused at himself. Two lifetimes and the same introduction each time. “What’s your name?”
“Stiles,” the kid said, sniffling again and looking at his knee.
Derek knelt next to him. “I’m Derek Hale.”
Stiles sniffed again and then looked up. “You’re the one that got attacked by the homeless guy and saved some girl, right?”
Derek bit back a smile at how interested Stiles sounded and how quickly he had forgotten about his scraped knee. “Aren’t you too young to know that?”
Stiles shrugged. “My Dad’s a cop. He doesn’t always find me when I’m listening.”
Derek didn’t hide the smile. “Well, Stiles NoLastName, why are you out here?”
Stiles’s face crumpled, and he looked down, picking at the edges of his jacket. “My Mom is sick, and she’s getting tests, but they say the same thing, and I didn’t want to see it anymore, so I snuck out, and then I saw a deer in the woods, and I wanted to see it, so I followed it then I got lost. And then I got more lost, and then I fell.”
The rapid-fire speech was familiar, and Derek bit the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling. “Well,” he started, looking around and paying attention to where they were, “how about I take you back to the hospital?”
Stiles watched him for a long moment before he nodded and stood up, making a pained face as he brushed the dirt off his knee. “Okay, but nothing funny. I don’t mind biting people.”
Derek nodded his head. “Noted.”
He started walking back to the hospital, turning his head now and again to make sure Stiles followed. It didn’t take long before Stiles talked, a stream of consciousness that seemed to change topics frequently and without reason. Derek half-listened, knowing that Stiles was the same person he had always been helping him slightly, even if he wasn’t the Stiles he had known. The mouthy kid who always got in the way and had saved him more than once.
“…and then Lydia failed her test, and now she’s acting like she’s not smart and she’s stupid for doing it, but it makes sense because Jackson has a stupid face, so they sort of fit like a puzzle which was first seen when people used them to study maps and I always wanted to see a dragon you know because being a pilot would be super cool, but Dad says I’m not allowed to fly yet, but I really want to build an airplane frame one time because I think horseshoes are so cool…” Stiles said, seeming to never take a breath.
Derek glanced over behind him again as the trees started to thin, watching as Stiles carefully made his way over tree roots, stumbling from time to time, but he never fell again. The kid walked a lot better when he wasn’t thinking about it.
“…and then Jackson told Scott he has a weird face, and he does, but it came out like that, and Jackson said that it was because Scott only had one parent, which is why he only has one normal jaw, and so I punched him, and I sprained my hand and had to wear a cast and Dad won’t let me read anything about mummies which is stupid because they’re bandaged people.”
Derek stopped at the edge of the woods, seeing Noah Stilinski standing there, his hands on his hips as he talked to Sherriff Bray. It was obvious how worried Noah was even from a distance.
“I think your Dad misses you,” Derek said softly, cutting Stiles off mid-sentence.
Stiles stood next to him and crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t want to go.”
Derek looked down and saw he was crying again, wiping his face with the too-long sleeves of his jacket. He sighed and crouched down, feeling years older as he saw the trusting look on Stiles’s face. “You said your Mom is sick?”
Stiles nodded.
Derek knew Stiles lost his mother at some point, but that was all he knew. He didn’t know the why or the how. He had never bothered to ask.
“How sick?” he asked gently.
Stiles’s face crumpled, and Derek sighed. “You gotta take the memories you can, kid,” he said softly. “All of them, and keep them close and cherish them.”
Stiles shook his head. “She keeps forgetting me,” he whispered.
“But you remember her. And you gotta remember her for everyone else.”
Stiles sniffed and rubbed at his face again before it firmed up, and he nodded once, looking for a second like the teenager who would crash his car into a pack of werewolves to help his friends. Derek smiled and stood up, gripping Stiles’s shoulder and propelling him forward.
They stepped out of the tree line, and Derek followed a few feet back, his hands in his pocket. It didn’t take long for Noah and the Sherriff to notice them, Noah breaking into a run as soon as he did. Derek stopped a few feet back as Noah grabbed his kid into a big hug. Derek tuned out what he was saying and looked at the Sherriff, who watched him carefully.
“Derek helped me!” Stiles pipped up, pointing at Derek, who waved a hand awkwardly. “I got lost and tripped and hurt my knee, and then Derek was there, and he walked me back, and he didn’t get lost, which is so cool because I always get lost, and it’s not fair can I get a puzzle so I can learn how to walk the woods?”
“Stiles,” Noah interrupted softly, taking a step towards Derek and holding out a hand. “Thanks, son.”
“Found him wandering,” he said, his voice cracking slightly at the ‘son’ as he shook the man’s hand. “He uh, I didn’t check his knee? So, I don’t know if it’s okay.”
Derek felt nervous. He had strong memories of the man arresting him and looking at him with suspicion time and time again. It was hard to reconcile that with the gratitude on Noah’s face.
“It’s fine,” Noah said, shaking Derek’s hand again and pulling Stiles close. “He trips a lot.”
Stiles beamed up at his Dad, and Noah smiled back at him, the two of them turning and heading back into the hospital. Stiles waved goodbye, and Derek waved back before shoving his hands back into his pocket. He heard the Sherriff shift from foot to foot, and he turned and looked.
“Do you need a ride back, Mr. Hale?” the Sherriff asked.
Derek looked back at the forest and shook his head. “No, I uh…I’m going to keep walking through town.”
The Sherriff eyed him before he nodded once and turned, walking after Noah and Stiles leaving Derek alone again. Derek swallowed a few times, trying to ignore how alone he felt. He turned, knowing it would be stupid to stay and run back into the woods. It was getting late, and he needed to get home. He turned and made his way toward town, shoving his hands in his pockets as he made his way back into town. He was beginning to get tired and a little hungry, and he wished he had grabbed his wallet before he had left, but he had been so focused on leaving he had barely remembered his phone.
He kicked a rock as he made his way towards the main street, passing the police station and fire station before getting into town proper. It was busy but more people left to go home for dinner, the stores closing up one by one. Derek crossed his arms over his chest and looked around at the stores, half of them forgotten memories and the other half still there. He stopped in front of a cake shop and looked for a second, wishing he had the money for some of the German cakes sitting in the front window. It was his favorite, and it had been a long time since he had had any since no one had ever been able to make it the same way his Mom had.
He turned away from the window, pushing all thoughts of Talia out of his mind. Whatever was happening would pass. He knew she was running on instincts right then, dealing with the fact that her son was an Alpha and had killed a man. It was a hard pill to swallow.
Derek wanted to hug his Mom again.
He shoved his hands back into his pockets and kept walking, ignoring the need to run back home. He didn’t want to go back to the awkward silences and the false cheer as everyone tried to make him feel better.
He rubbed a hand over his face and paused outside the library, wondering if it would be better to get a different book than the Hobbit. One his Mom hadn’t read before so they wouldn’t have to use it to have an awkward conversation. A help wanted sign caught his attention, and he turned, tilting his head to the side before opening the door and stepping inside before he could think more about it.
The librarian sitting at the desk was younger than he thought and a lot more pregnant than he had expected. He paused, suddenly feeling worried that she was about to give birth. She looked up at smiled at him.
“Welcome! How can I help you?”
Derek took a step closer and paused, keeping distance between them. “I uh…job?”
He grimaced at his sudden lack of ability to control his speaking. The women smiled and nodded anyway. “Of course. Do you want an application?”
Derek nodded his head. The librarian smiled and shuffled some papers around before handing one to Derek.
“I’m one of four librarians here, and with the baby on the way, I’m going to have to take some time off, so we’ll need some help in the afternoons and weekends,” the woman started to explain. “You look like you’re in high school, right?”
Derek nodded, looking down at the application. “Yeah.”
“Oh good, that works with our hours as well, the ones we need covering. When I get back from maternity leave, Ms. Warren will go to the coast. Her joints aren’t what they used to be, you know? So we could use a little bit of help since there’ll be three of us. Have you ever had a job before?”
Derek shook his head. “I uh, never needed one, but I have some more time now, so I was looking into one.”
It was a spur of the moment decision, but Derek looked around the quiet library free of his family and saw a way to have some peace.
“Oh well, that’s exciting! I’m Eileen Whelan. You can call me Mrs. Whelan.”
“Derek Hale,” he said, nodding his head once, feeling like a bobblehead.
“Oh, Talia Hale’s son?” Mrs. Whelan asked, her smile brightening.
Derek managed to smile back. “Yep.”
“Oh, how wonderful. Well, fill it on out, and then come on back in, and we can get you started,” Mrs. Whelan said with an even brighter smile.
Derek looked up, startled. “What?”
“Well, we haven’t had any applications, and you seem like a nice man, so I think it would work out,” she replied, nodding her head.
Derek felt blind-sided, but he looked around the library and remembered the solace he had found in them across the country after his family had died and how it would give him a legitimate excuse to get out of the house. “Okay,” he said before his mind caught up, and he looked at the pen she held out. “Okay.”
Part 4
January 29th, 2005
“I can’t believe you applied.”
Derek looked at Paige, who smiled brightly, clearly amused as she scanned another book and handed it to him to set it in the cart next to them. It had been three weeks since Derek had started at the library, and he had been surprised to show up today and find Paige waiting for him, smiling brightly and without a single ounce of shame.
“You’ve been avoiding me,” Paige explained as she handed him another book. “You only ever talk to me at school and if we have to for some pack-related thing.”
“I haven’t,” he said quickly when he realized the silence had stretched too long. He could feel Paige staring at him. He sighed. “Okay, maybe I have a bit. But it’s not you.”
Paige set down the scanner. Mrs. Whelan was doing the afternoon storytime, so they were alone, manning the front desk as Derek taught Paige how to scan books in. Which she already knew how to do from when she had helped the school librarian from time to time.
“It’s not me. It’s you? Seriously?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.
Derek turned to face her. He could feel the bond between them and sense her worry and trepidation, and he didn’t know how to fix it. “I know,” he said, rubbing his face as he tried to figure out how to explain everything.
“I…”
He stopped and bit his bottom lip, wishing he knew the right thing to say. He leaned against his knees and clasped his hands together.
“I have been having some trouble dealing with everything,” he said softly. “I was never meant to be an Alpha. That was gonna be Lou. And at worst, Jenna. Never me. Dealing with all of this has been hard, and it’s hard at home because Mom is still struggling, and everyone is walking on eggshells around me.”
“Is that why you keep disappearing when I come over?”
Derek nodded. “I want you to have a pack because it’s important. Especially since I don’t know what will happen to me.”
Paige leaned forward, bracing her elbows on the cart between them. “Why?”
“Because this…this isn’t my territory,” he explained. “I can’t build a pack here, not on my Mom’s territory. I’ll need to go somewhere else when I turn 18.”
Derek did his best to ignore the pain he felt at the thought of leaving his family. He knew he could form an alliance, and he would. But he didn’t even know where he would go or how to find a place. Werewolves were more populous than people realized, even if they did know, and he knew a lot of the US was covered by one pack or another. He thought of Erica and Boyd, who had died trying to get to safety. Of Jackson and the darkness he carried from his time as a Kamina. Even Isaac hadn’t been the best choice. He had been skittish, and chasing him away had been the hardest thing Derek had ever done. He didn’t want to make those mistakes again.
“And me?” Paige asked softly. “Am I coming?”
Derek shrugged. “It’s up to you,” he said. He took her hand and squeezed gently. “Mom would take you in a heartbeat if you want to stay somewhere more stable.”
Derek thought it would be safer for her. He could handle not having a pack for a few weeks, especially if it meant that Paige was happy with someone else.
“But you’re…” Paige trailed off and looked around before she lowered her voice and leaned forward, “my Alpha.”
She made a face. The same one all bitten wolves had the first few times they said it before they got used to the idea.
“It’s, look. A beta can break away from an Alpha whenever they choose,” Derek said softly. “It’s not easy, but they can do it, especially if the Alpha lets them go. It’s how we can intermarry between packs or if someone has a bad breakup and needs to leave. Nothing is set in stone, not even family. My Dad is from a huge pack down in New Orleans, and when he met and decided to marry my Mom, Grandmama let him go so he could come here because Mom was the Alpha heir.”
“So, you want me to leave?” Paige whispered.
“No,” he admitted. Having Paige alive and around was a balm on his soul, even if sometimes he wondered if he was crazy and this was a hallucination. “I want you safe. You didn’t choose this life, but you shouldn’t have to fight for it either.”
Paige sighed, tugged her hands away, and turned away from him. Derek felt like he had misstepped somewhere, but he didn’t know what he had done. All he wanted to do was keep Paige safe, unlike the first time.
Paige turned her head slightly. “I’m not a kid, you know.”
“I know.”
Derek picked up a book and started to scan it. He could hear Mrs. Whelan doing different voices to the delight of laughing kids and two friends whispering in the research section, followed by soft kissing sounds. He wrinkled his nose and focused on the books in front of him.
“You know, I would’ve chosen this,” Paige said finally, turning and looking at him with bright eyes. “If you had asked.”
Derek could see the hope and the love she had for him and none of the pain he felt. She looked so impossibly young, and he felt so old, and he couldn’t reconcile them. Derek remembered Paige as a teenager, and his memories of her were clouded by a teenager in love. All he felt now was a lingering fondness of an old high school sweetheart and nothing more. Nothing like she wanted.
He swallowed and managed a weak smile back, not sure what his face was doing, but he felt the pain across the bond, and he looked away first, unable to handle the heartbreak on her face.
January 30th, 2005
“Excuse me, do you think you could help me find a book?”
Derek looked up from where he had been scanning books and froze.
He felt his heartbeat ratchet up, the sound loud enough he was sure everyone could hear it. He could feel bile begin to crawl up his throat as he looked into the eyes of Kate Argent. She was leaning against the desk, chin tilted in a way that he remembered from the first time around. She was smiling at him, and if he hadn’t known who she was, he might have missed the calculating look in her eyes.
“With what?” he managed to get out, ignoring how his voice cracked.
“Finding a book,” Kate replied, smiling at him in amusement.
“Oh right, uh, which one?” he asked, clearing his throat and trying to control his nerves. This wasn’t the time or the place.
“It’s not a specific book, but I’m researching my dissertation, so I was hoping you could point me towards the folklore section?” Kate said, leaning more onto the desk, getting into his space.
He remembered this as well, the way she had stood close and had trailed fingers along his arm and he had fallen for it hook, line and sinker. He wanted to throw up.
“Uh yeah,” he said, standing up and shutting his computer down. “This way.”
He made his way over to where the Folklore books were. He knew the section well. He had been reading them, amused at how little was right, but he kept hoping for an explanation. He waved a hand over the books. “Here they are.”
Kate stopped next to him, entirely too close, and she rested a hand on his forearm and squeezed slightly. Derek tensed. He could smell the wolfsbane on her where he hadn’t before. The subtle hint that made him want to sneeze. Derek leaned back and pulled his arm out of her grip.
“Do you have any recommendations?” she asked, taking a step closer to the books and brushing against him.
He felt his skin crawl, and he took a step back, shaking his head. “No, ma’am, sorry. I don’t read much of this.”
Kate turned and looked at him, smiling at him still, but he could see the slight wrinkle in her forehead. She had never been patient, especially not once he had seen her true colors. “No?” she asked. “All this folklore is fascinating, don’t you think? Vampires and werewolves.”
Derek shrugged, doing his best to keep his face neutral. “Don’t vampires sparkle?” he asked, wondering if Twilight had been released yet.
Kate frowned. “What?”
“Don’t they do something funny in the sun with mirrors? Like a disco ball?” he asked, searching for a way to explain it.
Kate frowned before letting out a forced laugh that Derek thought was supposed to sound charming, but it grated on his ears. She reached out and patted his chest. “You’re funny. What’s your name?”
Derek tensed at the hand on his chest. “Derek,” he said, managing a tight smile before nodding. “I need to get back to the front desk. If you need anything else, don’t hesitate to ask.”
Derek took a few steps back and turned to leave.
“Derek,” Kate called after him.
He turned back. “Yes, ma’am?”
“Don’t you want to know my name?” she asked, tilting her head to the side, looking irritated but trying to hide it.
Derek frowned. “Ma’am?”
“My name. I asked yours, shouldn’t you ask me mine? It is polite, after all.”
“I figured I’d find it out when I checked out your books,” Derek replied.
“It’s Kate,” she said instead. “Kate Plata.”
“It’s nice to meet you, ma’am,” he lied. “Good luck finding your books.”
Derek turned and left, wishing he could run out of the library and keep on running. Run and find someone he could tell, but he didn’t have anything yet, nothing concrete. He needed a way to get her somewhere where he could deal with her. He would be damned if she burned his family alive again. He rubbed a hand over his chest as the memory of her shooting him, the last memory he had of his previous life before waking up in this dream life.
“Everything okay?” Mrs. O’Connell, the ancient librarian who never smiled and always made Derek feel a little colder, asked. She stared at him intently.
Derek nodded before shrugging when he remembered he was a teenager. “Dunno, that lady was standing close.”
Mrs. O’Connell turned her head towards where Kate was still perusing the shelves, seemingly oblivious to everything around her.
“Hmmm, back to work with you,” Mrs. O’Connell said, waving a hand at Derek without taking her eyes off Kate.
Derek waited for her to say something else, but when nothing came, he did as he was told and went back to his scanning. He had a hard time relaxing. His eyes kept darting up to Kate, who worked her way through the shelves, picking up books here and there and reading them absently. He finished the stack of books he had been scanning back in and forced himself to take the cart and start to shelve them again.
His sisters thought the work sounded boring, but Derek found it soothing. Like he was putting everything back where it belonged, everything had a place. Everything had a home. He wished he had an iPod. Being back in 2005 made him miss many random things, like his driver’s license and a phone with games.
“Excuse me?”
Derek startled, too lost in his musings to realize that someone was coming up behind him. He turned quickly to see Kate and caught the end of the cruel smirk before it twisted into something that Derek might passingly call apologetic if he was being gracious.
“Sorry!” she said, her voice bright, sounding almost chipper. “I thought you would’ve heard me.”
Derek wanted to hate himself for falling for it, but he had been a kid then, and he didn’t know what she was capable of.
“It’s all right,” he said, shaking his head. “My Mom always said I’d blow out my hearing if I listened to music loudly. I guess she was right. How can I help you, ma’am?”
Derek managed a bland smile, and Kate nodded, clearly getting frustrated. It made his smile feel a little bit more real.
“I was hoping you could scan me out?”
“Oh, I can help you with that,” Mrs. Whelan said, appearing out of nowhere. “Derek here has to finish shelving so he can get a ride back with Mrs. O’Connell.”
Kate’s smile tightened, and Derek watched the exchange with a little bit of confusion. He always walked home or took the bus if it was raining. Or Peter would pick him up sometimes if he would be in the area. He never needed a ride home. He opened his mouth but stopped when a sharp finger poked him in the side, and he turned to see the diminutive Mrs. Callieach standing next to him, pushing up her glasses. She was younger than Mrs. O’Connell but older than Mrs. Whelan and made Derek feel like he was doing everything wrong.
Derek kept his mouth shut and looked back up to see Kate’s poorly masked look of fury before she turned and stalked to the desk. Mrs. Whelan followed, chatting the whole way like she usually did, all bright smiles while rubbing a hand over her stomach.
“Don’t trust a pretty face,” Mrs. Callieach said, glaring up at him.
Derek shook his head. “Well, then I can’t work for you if I can’t trust you,” he said before his mind caught up. He grimaced. “Sorry, Mrs. Callieach.”
For a second, it looked like her severe expression softened, but it must have been a trick of the light as she shook her head and turned, muttering something in a language he didn’t understand. He thought he had heard his name. In the month and a half since he started working here, he accepted that the three librarians were weird and he should do what they said.
He rubbed a hand over his face and kept shelving the books, keeping his body turned slightly towards where Kate was checking out a few books so she couldn’t startle him again. She finished, and Derek half expected her to come and talk to him, but she left without glancing over her shoulder. He slumped against the shelves in relief as soon as the door shut behind her.
“Fuck,” he breathed out softly.
“Language!” he heard Mrs. Callieach yell from across the room.
Derek thought about yelling back, sorry, but his eye caught on a please be quiet sign. He smiled before it faded. Derek needed to figure out a way to deal with Kate and ensure she didn’t hurt his family. He finished putting away the last of the books and moved the cart back to the front ready for use the next time they needed it.
“Ready?”
Derek started and turned to see Mrs. O’Connell staring at him, her purse hooked over one shoulder, and her cardigan tucked tightly around her.
“Uh, yes? You don’t need to. I can walk home. I know it’s out of the way.”
Mrs. O’Connell kept staring at him, one gray eyebrow slowly raising until Derek sighed.
“Thank you, Mrs. O’Connell.”
She nodded her head once and left. Derek grabbed his jacket and backpack, and after saying goodbye to Mrs. Whelan and Mrs. Callieach, he followed her.
Derek was a werewolf.
He had survived wolfsbane, Alpha packs, kanima bites, Peter’s claws in his chest, and the loss of his whole family. He had been shot, stabbed, beaten, and had broken more bones than he could count. He could heal from almost anything. But he was almost sure he would die as Mrs. O’Connell took another corner entirely too fast. He gripped the handle over the door even tighter and braced his legs on the floor, wondering if praying would help.
The boosted range rover that Derek had always thought belonged to someone in the Guns ‘n Ammo store across the street rocked slightly before it had settled back onto all four wheels. Derek looked over and watched as Mrs. O’Connell looked over her glasses as she hit the breaks for a red light.
“Shouldn’t you be looking through those?” he asked, his voice higher.
Mrs. O’Connell turned her head, staring at him before taking off as the light turned green without looking away from him. Derek braced himself again, wondering if he was going to break the seat. She looked away from him and took another corner.
“You’re a sassy little shit,” she said once the car settled back down as they drove down a straight part of the road. Derek was not looking forward to the drive through the preserve.
“Sorry,” he said, biting the inside of his cheek by accident as they went over a bump. The pain flared and disappeared.
“It’s good,” Mrs. O’Connell continued as if he hadn’t spoken. “Means you got some spunk in there somewhere. You haven’t shit out your spine.”
Derek turned his eyes away from the road to stare incredulously at the librarian. “Uhhhh.”
“Close your maw before the flies get in,” she continued, not looking away from the road. She grunted suddenly. “You did good telling us what that woman was doing. She’s too old to be standing that close to you.”
Derek felt something like relief that someone had taken him seriously. “She’s not my type.”
Mrs. O’Connell harrumphed. “Good. She’s bad news if I ever saw it. Born under a bad sign. She’s the 11th plague. You’d be better off French kissing a pox-ridden alligator with hemorrhoids.”
Derek snorted, shaking his head at the image. “That’s mean to the alligators.”
Mrs. O’Connell almost looked like she smiled. “What about Paige. She’s lovely, your own age.”
Physically, Derek mentally supplied. She’s physically my age. He was well aware he was now the same age, mentally, as Kate, and it was a hard pill to swallow. But Kate didn’t know that, and Derek knew who Kate was. And what she was.
“It didn’t work out,” he said instead, shaking his head. “Things happened, and it changed how I saw her.”
Mrs. O’Connell huffed. “Cold feet?”
Derek shook his head. “Just life,” he said softly, unsure how to explain everything to the old woman without being put in Eichen house.
“You got an old soul Derek Hale.”
Derek tensed up, wondering what she had seen in him. “What does that mean?”
“Means one of two things.”
Derek tensed. Mrs. O’Connell was quiet as she took another corner, the tires squealing slightly, and Derek was sure they were on two wheels this time. It was confirmed when they bumped down. He was going to die in a range rover driven by a grandma with a worse mouth than his sister after a few drinks.
She looked at him expectantly when the silence drew out even longer, and he cleared his throat.
“Which are?” he prompted.
“Either you’re fucked, and you’re going to turn into a bitter asshole who pushes everyone away because you don’t know how to deal with it,” she said, turning onto the preserve and sped through the woods. Derek felt like he was running in them as the trees flashed by.
“Or?” he asked, gripping the oh-shit bar even tighter.
“Or, you learn how to live in the world with the scars your soul carries,” Mrs. O’Connell said, rounding the last curve and pulling to a squealing stop in front of the house. His Mom was already standing on the porch, arms crossed. Derek felt the tension leave his body as the car stopped, and he looked over at Mrs. O’Connell, who pushed her glasses up her nose and peered at him.
“Choose the second one, kid. Trust an old crone,” she said, cracking a half-grin that made Derek shiver slightly.
“Okay,” he said for lack of anything else to do and got out of the car, doing his best not to run. “Thank you for the ride, Mrs. O’Connell.”
The woman waved a hand and then squealed away a second after the door shut. Derek coughed at the dust and turned, making his way up the stairs. He managed a smile at his Mom. “Hey,” he said.
“Why did you get a ride?” Talia asked, crossing her arms, stepping to the side to let him pass.
“She offered. I felt bad about turning her down. I might next time, though. She drives worse than Jenna,” Derek said, deliberately not telling his Mom the real reason. Derek could handle it himself. He had no problems killing Kate and burying her somewhere no one would ever find her.
“Hey!” Jenna’s voice echoed through the house. “Just you wait. Dad’s gonna teach you soon.”
“I’ll be a natural, watch!” Derek called back, already excited to show off that he already knew how to drive. He was sure he could get a few years of bragging rights out of it.
“A natural butt face,” Jenna yelled back.
“No more yelling,” Talia said, not raising her voice. “None of us are deaf. Despite how hard we try with music.”
She said this with a look at Derek, and he smiled, shrugging his shoulders, feeling something warm inside of him. He made his way up to his room, listening as feet ran at him a second before Gracie wrapped him in a tight hug.
“Hi!” she said brightly before she was off, hopping down the stairs and racing outside, beginning to play in the backyard.
Cora followed a second later, and he held up his hand for the high five. She was going through a weird hug phase, where she didn’t always want them, and they had all backed off the first time she had flashed fang when Laura had picked her up in a bear hug. He smiled when Cora stopped to hug him quickly, barely giving him time to hug her back before she was gone.
He looked up to see Jenna with her arms crossed. He smiled. “I got a hug,” he said in a sing-song voice.
Jenna raised an eyebrow and flipped him off. He stuck his tongue out at her as she turned and went back into her room. Derek went into his room, closed his door, and stripped down to his boxers before crawling into bed. Derek managed to get the blankets over him before he started to shake, doing his best to keep his panicked breathing down. The rooms were soundproofed, but Derek didn’t want to give anyone a reason to come into the room. He pressed a hand against his mouth and bit back the sobs as he tried to deal with the reappearance of Kate and the knowledge that his family was in danger again.
Part of him had hoped that with Paige alive, the Argents would leave them alone. But he doubted Kate and Gerard would be so easily swayed away from their vision, whatever it had been. He felt his fangs breakthrough and cut into his lip, the taste of blood making him want to gag. He rolled onto his back and pressed the pillow against his face even tighter, doing his best to keep his breathing under control.
Derek couldn’t afford to lose control.
Part 5
February 5th, 2005
Derek ran a hand over the book’s cover Mrs. O’Connell had given him, smiling at the worn embossed filigree on the front cover. “What is this in?” he asked, not recognizing the words on the front. He thought they were in French, but he wasn’t sure.
Mrs. O’Connell sniffed. “Covers some pretentious French bullshit. Inside it’s all English, so don’t worry, you can read it.”
Derek flipped open the book to the table of contents and started to read the table of contents. It reminded him of the Argent bestiary, but he had no clue if the book was even remotely accurate. He got to the bottom and saw werewolves, and he forced himself not to flip to the end of the book.
“Thank you,” he said, closing the book and looking at Mrs. O’Connell. “But uh, why are you giving this to me?”
Mrs. O’Connell pushed her glasses up. “Saw you’ve been reading the folklore. That’s a lot of balderdash over there. This book’s been in my family for a generation or two. I don’t have a kid. Figured it might as well go to someone interested.”
Derek looked back down at the book, overcome with the urge to go, and put some gloves on like they did in movies to keep it clean. “I…this? This is a lot, Mrs. O’Connell.”
“Well, it’s my book, and I’m giving it to you, so say thank you.”
Derek looked back up to see the determined look in her eyes, and he bit back the complaints. “Thank you,” he parroted.
Mrs. O’Connell stared at him before she nodded her head once. “Good. Now scoot and go finish dealing with the late returns. That Kate woman hasn’t returned one of the books, triple her charge.”
“Triple?” Derek asked, something in his chest tightening.
“I don’t like the way she looks; she might as well be useful for something, and we need some new shelves,” Mrs. O’Connell said before turning and walking away, heading down an aisle to do something. Derek still didn’t know what each of the librarians did except to scare him by sneaking up.
He still didn’t know how they did it.
Derek walked over to the front desk and sat down, forcing himself not to read the book instead of checking for late returns and getting the notices sent out. It was hard. He kept glancing at the book, wanting to flip to the back and see its accuracy. He dropped a blank piece of paper on top of the book so he couldn’t see the cover and got back to work.
“—and then we can get some ice cream right after Derek Hale!”
Derek started, his head jerking up at the sound of his name, staring at a woman who looked vaguely familiar. A second later, a kid bounded into view, leaning over the desk and smiling at him. Derek managed a smile back.
“Hey, Stiles, right?” he asked, hyper-aware of exactly how young Stiles was.
Stiles beamed at him. “Right! And this is my Mom!”
Derek smiled. “Hi, Derek Hale,” he said, standing up and holding out a hand.
The woman smiles. “So, I heard,” she said, shaking his hand. “Claudia Stilinski, you can call me Claudia.”
Stiles beamed at them both. “He’s the one who saved me in the woods from the wolves.”
“There’s no wolves in California, honey,” Claudia said, resting a hand on his shaved head and looking at him fondly.
“Not true. I heard an aroooo the other night. It was clearly a wolf,” Stiles said stubbornly. “I was reading about them the other day in the newspaper. They were in the park.”
“That was Yellowstone, sweetie, not Yosemite,” Claudia said, still smiling.
Stiles frowned. “Where’s Yellowstone?”
“Wyoming mostly,” Claudia explained.
Stiles nodded, and then he took off running, heading towards where Derek knew the non-fiction books were. He opened his mouth to tell him not to run, but the library was mostly empty, and Stiles wasn’t yelling. He could let it slide.
“Noah told me what you did,” Claudia said.
Derek looked back at her, at the familiar brown eyes, and felt himself blush slightly. “What else was I supposed to do?” he asked.
Claudia smiled warmly at him. “There was a whole host of things you could’ve done, but you did something good, and you helped my baby, so I’m thankful for that. So, thank you.”
Derek nodded. “You’re welcome,” he said, feeling slightly uncomfortable.
Claudia smiled. “He told me what you told him about taking the time.” The smile turned sad, and she turned in the direction where Stiles had gone. “I appreciate that. It’s been hard for him on my bad days.”
Derek shifted uncomfortably. He knew Stiles’s Mom had died, but he didn’t know when and he didn’t know how. The woman in front of him looked thin, but Stiles had also been skinny. She was pale, but so was Stiles. It was hard to see any sort of sickness in her when she looked calm and confident standing there.
“It’s fine,” Derek said when the silence stretched. “It’s what I’d do if something happened to my family.”
Claudia turned to look back at him, and she smiled, reaching out a hand again. “Still, thank you.”
“I’m sorry about what’s happening,” he blurted out before he could stop himself. He opened his mouth to apologize but stopped when her grip tightened on his hand hard enough he swore he could hear his bones creak. Claudia’s face was blank, a distance in her eyes that made him nervous.
“Uh, Cl—Mrs. Stilinski?” he asked, unable to call her Claudia. It felt awkward.
“There’s a storm coming, Derek Hale, and you couldn’t get ahead of it in your time, so maybe in our time, you can. Trust in your spark.”
Mrs. Stilinski echoed like she was talking down a long tunnel. Derek could feel a chill begin to work its way up his spine, and he could smell the scent of pine and ash in the air. He shifted, wanting to pull his hand back, but she gripped his even tighter, pain flaring.
“You’ve been given a gift, a second chance. I hope you find peace in this lifetime.”
Derek felt something cold settle in his stomach. “What?” he demanded, his breathing speeding up.
“I said it’s sweet of you, Derek, but nothing can be done,” Mrs. Stilinski said, letting go of his hand. She was back to normal so quickly that Derek swore it had all been a figment of his imagination. If it wasn’t for the chill he still felt and the goosebumps up and down his arm.
“Mommmmmmmm!”
Stiles’s shout rang across the library, and Claudia sighed.
“I’d apologize, but I love his enthusiasm, so it makes it hard,” she said, winking at Derek before taking off after Stiles.
Derek slowly sat down, ignoring how his hands were shaking as he set them on the table. He took a deep breath as he tried to calm his nerves and figure out what the hell had happened. He could hear Stiles and his Mom talking, but he pushed it to the back of his mind as he closed his eyes and focused on controlling himself. He didn’t want to flash fang in the middle of the public library. He didn’t know what had happened, he didn’t know how to explain it, and he didn’t even know where to begin.
He felt something press against his hand, and he looked down to see the book Mrs. O’Connell had given him pressing against the side of his hand, the blank piece of paper nowhere in sight. He turned to look around him, expecting to see someone, but he was alone.
Derek looked back at the book, reaching out to press a hand against the cover, ignoring the shock he got. He looked around again, but no one magically appeared. He felt the book bump his hand again. He looked down at the book, sure he was going crazy and would finally wake up from this dream.
“What the fuck,” he breathed out, staring as the book twitched on its own. “What the fuck.”
“I’m telling you, it happened,” Derek repeated, staring intently at Paige.
“So, Mrs. Stilinski came and shook your hand for helping her kid, and she gave you some sort of prophecy?” Paige asked, simplifying the story Derek had told her.
He had been trying to do what Mrs. O’Connell had told him, and he was working on letting Paige in. She had died the first time around, and now she was a blank slate. He didn’t have an opinion or memories of her because they didn’t exist, making it easier to talk to her. He had told her parts of what Mrs. Stilinski had said, at least the parts that left out he was a time traveler.
“It’s not a prophecy,” Derek said, his voice low and harsh. “Nope. No way.”
Paige shrugged, not looking overly interested. “You did wake up an Alpha out of nowhere.”
Derek shook his head. He had woken up an Alpha because he had been an Alpha, at least at some point. He didn’t know what had happened, but he didn’t believe in the idea of a True Alpha. And even if they were real, he wasn’t one of them. “It’s not that. It was weird.”
“What’s your spark?” Paige asked.
Derek leaned back against the tree they were sitting by and shrugged. “I’m guessing my Alpha spark?”
“How does that work? Becoming an Alpha by killing another one?” Paige asked softly, pulling her knees up and resting her chin on them.
“Magic,” Derek replied. Paige scoffed, and he grinned. “No, seriously. So, we don’t know the true origins of werewolves. We’ve been around for so long the true story’s lost in time, but there’s a myth that we learn. It’s about two lovers, a slave, and a witch, who fall in love even though it’s not allowed. The man can only see her at night, but she is not allowed to go out at night because the rest of the village believes she will try and commune with the Gods and bring down their wrath. So, she sneaks out to see him. And this continues for months, and they fall even more in love. But the man needs to sleep at night so he can work during the day. He is tired and sore from his work, and most nights, he falls asleep, and the woman misses him so much she shares part of her spark with him so he can have the energy to see her.
“But that angers the Gods because she was blessed with the magic and didn’t have permission to bless others, and so they curse him into a wolf each night so that they may never be together again.”
Derek stopped and tilted his head back, looking up into the canopy over them. The light was filtering through, dappling everything around them with sunspots.
“But the magic in the man changes the curse. He is stronger and faster. He works longer and heals faster than anyone else. At night he doesn’t change into the wolf, but he can feel the pull as each night passes until the night of the full moon, and like most nights, he can feel the power, but for the first time, he can’t ignore it. So, as the moon rises, he gives in, and the change washes over him. He turns into a wolf, his bones shifting and cracking and fur sprouting.
“The woman isn’t terrified because she saw the change, and she still loves him, but as she draws closer, the Gods, angry at how the curse backfired, made him lose his mind, and he bites the woman he loved. The taste of her blood brings the man back to himself, and he is horrified at his actions. He sends a cry up to the Gods, pleading for their help so the woman would survive. Many of the Gods turn their back, but the Moon hears the man’s cry, and their love moves her. She changes the woman, helping her survive, but there is a side effect. The woman feels the same pull the man does. The man and the woman are bound to her, and in return, the Moon keeps them safe.”
Derek shrugged. “The rest of the story is about how they built the first pack. But, we call it the spark because the woman gave up some of her magic, her spark, to the man to help him.”
Paige was quiet for a long time, her face looking thoughtful. “And so that’s what is in each Alpha.”
Derek shook his head. “No, it’s what’s in the Hale Alpha line.”
“What?”
Derek sighed. “We can trace the Hale name back to the tenth century and then trace the Hale Alpha spark before that. We don’t know for sure, and we’ll never claim it, but most people believe the Hale spark is the original spark.
“Then how do you get new Alphas?”
Derek shrugged. “That’s the mystery. As far as we know, there haven’t been any new Alpha sparks in a long time. It’s where the myth of the true Alpha came from. It makes sense for a new Alpha to appear from time to time. Otherwise, we would die out. Look at what happened to me. When I killed Ennis, I was already an Alpha, so no new Alpha was made. For all we know, Alphas are made all the time, but no one talks.”
“What did happen? With two sparks?”
“Nothing happens. We don’t get stronger or anything, or so we’re told. I don’t know. I became an Alpha the same day, so I was already feeling a lot different,” he said, rubbing a hand over his cheek where the cut had been. “We talk with other packs, but there’s always family secrets. Things we don’t tell people. Both of my grandparents were Alphas, and when my Grandma died, it went to my Mom, but when my Granddad died, it didn’t go to my Dad. We think it went to my Mom. We don’t know. It’s not like we can track the magic or anything.”
“And the spark?” Paige asked. “Can you feel it?”
Derek pressed a hand over his chest, right where his heart was. “The story says that the love between the man and the woman was so strong that the power she gave him ended up in his heart, which is how he was able to work harder and longer and heal because his heart was filled with love,” he said with a grin. “We know that part of the story is true. We keep magic in our hearts. It’s why the best way to kill us is to rip out our hearts. We can’t heal without magic. We can heal from pretty much everything else.”
“Why didn’t you do that with the man that uh…,” Paige trailed off.
Derek sighed. “I didn’t think about it,” he said honestly. “I wasn’t thinking much because you screamed, and then I saw the bite rejection. I got lucky that I got most of his throat, so he bled out before he could heal. As gross as it sounds.”
Paige leaned against him, their shoulders pressed together. Derek felt something in him relax at having his beta so close. He kept forgetting that he needed to be close to people, that he could reach out and touch. Paige’s feelings were complex, and he could still sense the pain from time to time.
Derek needed to remember he wasn’t alone anymore.
“Well, how does it feel to be the person who made a myth a reality?” Paige asked after some time had passed.
“Makes me understand humans who run and scream when they find out about us a little more,” Derek admitted, rubbing the side of his neck.
Paige laughed softly. She turned and threaded her arm through his and snuggled against him, resting her head on his shoulder. Derek dropped his head so he could rest his cheek against her head. This close, he could smell the borscht her Mom had made, the smell of the rosin she used on her cello, and the old book smell from the library.
Paige patted his leg. “It’ll be fine, you’ll see. We’ll be fine.
Derek crossed his arms and stared at Cora, who smiled at him. “What are you doing here?”
Cora smiled brighter. “Volunteering!”
“What?”
“I need some volunteer hours for girl scouts, and I thought it would be a good place since my big brother was here. Mrs. Whelan said I could help out with the after-school kids.”
“You’re not in girl scouts,” Derek said, confused.
“So?”
He spread his hands to the side, knowing he looked incredulous. Cora grinned and shrugged her shoulders. She leaned over the front desk and braced her elbows, lowering her voice.
“Maybe I wanna spend time with you,” she said softly, looking at him with wide eyes.
All Derek could see was his sister lying on the bed, dying and being willing to do anything to save her. He would give up every part of himself to ensure she survived, and the feeling was only stronger now. She was so young, so careful and innocent that it took his breath away.
“Okay,” he said, giving in quickly, getting a bright grin back.
The front doors open, and Derek looked over Cora’s shoulder to see Stiles stumble inside. He watched as the kid tripped over himself and hit the floor hard enough to make him wince. Cora turned around, and he could see the tension in her shoulders relax as soon as she noticed who it was.
Derek stood up and walked over to Stiles, crouching down next to Stiles, who was poking at a rip in his jeans. “You okay?” Derek asked. “Hit your head?”
Stiles looked up at him and shook his head. “No! No, I’m fine,” he said before grabbing the books he had dropped. “Is there a fine for dropped books because they were like this before I got here, I promise.”
Derek tuned out the talking and grabbed a few of the books Stiles had dropped and stood up, depositing them on the counter. He turned to help Stiles stand, only to find the kid right behind him. Stiles stumbled back, and Cora grabbed his arm to keep him from falling on his ass again.
“Oh uh, whoops, sorry,” Stiles said, putting the last of the books on the desk and adjusting the oversized sweater he was wearing. “And uh thanks…uhhhh Cora, right?”
Cora frowned. “Right, do I know you?”
Derek watched the byplay with interest. He had almost no memories of Stiles from when he was a teenager, he had a few of Noah Stilinski, but they were mainly from the fire. He knew Cora and Stiles were the same age, but they had never acted like they knew each other in the future.
“Yeah, we’ve been going to school together since preschool,” Stiles said, drier than Derek had expected. He sounded like the Stiles he knew, the teenager, not the kid in front of him.
“Oh,” Cora said, looking a little sheepish before sticking out her hand. “Cora Hale.”
Stiles stared at the hand, both eyebrows raised before he shook it. “Stiles Stilinski.”
Cora smiled a little brighter. “Nice to meet you again, I suppose.”
Derek smiled as well. He had forgotten how outgoing and energetic Cora was. She could be as dry as the rest of them, but out of all of his siblings, Cora had been the one who had always made friends easily, drawing people in around her like she was a flame.
“You too,” Stiles said slowly, still watching her warily as he sidled up to the desk. “Uh, these are half the books? I’m not done with the other half, but they’re not due for another week, but I was done with these. Can I take out more books if it’s the same number? I’m maxed out, and you haven’t scanned these back in yet.”
Derek looked down at the books, at the array of topics. “What is this for?” he asked, glancing between a book on California native wildlife and poisonous plants.
“Just stuff I was interested in,” Stiles said. “So can I?”
Derek looked up. “I’ll scan these in. Go find what you are taking out next.”
Stiles beamed at Derek and ran off with a thank you thrown over his shoulder. Derek waited for one of the librarians to yell, but it was quiet, and he looked around, wondering if he was alone. Derek spotted Mrs. O’Connell watching Stiles, her arms crossed, but she was quiet. A second later, he saw Mrs. Whelan and Mrs. Cailleach also watching him. Derek wasn’t surprised that Stiles was under close supervision in a library. He was a disaster waiting to happen.
“I hate that,” Cora mumbled, leaning against the desk.
“Hate what?”
“When people know me, but I don’t know them.”
“I think it’s because of Mom,” Derek said.
Cora sighed. “Sometimes? But I feel bad.”
“Don’t,” Derek said, patting Cora’s arm as he started to check in the books. “I don’t think Stiles remembers things past five minutes.”
“You know him?”
Derek shrugged. He had known Stiles; he didn’t know this kid. “Found him wandering in the woods, brought him back to his parents. So, sort of.”
Cora pushed up and turned, looking towards where Stiles had gone. “I should go talk to him; I think he expected me to know his name.
Derek looked up, both eyebrows raised. “Oh?”
Cora looked back at him and glared. “Don’t be weird,” she said, sticking her tongue out at him. “I’m being nice.”
Derek raised his eyebrows even higher. Cora glared at him and turned, walking in Stiles’s direction. Derek watched her disappear and tilted his head slightly, listening as Cora found Stiles and struck up a conversation, asking him about the book he had grabbed. Stiles was initially wary but opened up. Derek smiled as the two of them started to chat, a million words a minute, and he returned to his work. He had plans to go and read the book Mrs. O’Connell had given him after work. It would be better than sitting through another awkward dinner at the house.
Part 6
February 17th, 2005
Derek dropped the backpack and sat down on a fallen tree trunk, deep in the woods. Deep enough that the canopy of trees blocked out most of the light. He pulled out the headlamp he had borrowed from his Dad and put it on, glad no one could see how dorky he looked. He pulled out the book Mrs. O’Connell had given him and flipped to the back to the chapter about werewolves.
He braced his elbows on his knees and started to read. The section wasn’t as long as some of the others, but the entire thing was accurate, and Derek felt something heavy sink into his gut. Most of it talked about the secretive nature of most wolf packs, but everything from the moon’s pull to their weaknesses to wolfsbane was there. Derek felt tension straighten his spine, and he flipped to the front of the book, frantically looking for a name.
He finally found it, written on the back cover in cursive, the ink looking worn and old.
“The Daughters of the Mountain,” Derek read softly, fingers tracing over the worn ink. There was a note underneath it, the ink bleeding together and making it hard to see. He lifted it closer to his face, squinting at the lettering. “If lost, don’t worry. It’ll find its way to where it belongs. Handle it with care, and no harm shall come to you, and the book will open your eyes. If you do not, be warned.”
A small smiley face at the end made Derek think that the note wasn’t as old as he thought it was. He pulled the book away from his face, torn between wanting to throw it or bury it. He closed his eyes for a moment before turning back to the chapter on werewolves. The chapter seemed longer now, and he flipped to a second page that hadn’t been there before.
He started to read the new chapter.
Werewolves aren’t meant to be alone, leading to issues if a wolf is without a pack. Beta’s will turn into omegas if without a pack. Omegas develop problems the longer they are without a pack. The pack serves two purposes. The first is for a sense of belonging and family that can help stabilize the more animalistic nature of a werewolf. The second is to combat the pull of the moon. While most phases of the moon do not have as strong of a pull as the Full Moon does, the pull is always there.
Wolves are connected to the moon. A werewolf is most human during a lunar eclipse, but we should note that a werewolf is always a werewolf—no matter what phase of the moon it is.
Werewolves without a pack bond are more susceptible to the moon. Those wolves without a pack for a long time become moon crazy, more commonly known as becoming feral. Without the pack bond, a werewolf will give into their more animalistic nature. Omegas can be rehabilitated if a pack bond is formed quickly, but former Omegas will always be closer to the moon.
However, there are some cases where an Alpha werewolf may be able to be without a pack for longer than a beta could. The added strength that comes with being an Alpha allows the wolf to fight the moon’s pull if the Alpha has a strong anchor. However, this is not a permanent solution, and Alpha werewolves that give into the moon’s pull cannot be rehabilitated.
The assumption is that nature has created a way for an Alpha to leave a pack and form a new one without the risk of becoming moon crazy. There are three known cases of this happening on record, and the time varies in each of them. The Alphas in question spoke of itching under their skin, losing control, and a strong urge to hunt.
There is one known case of an Alpha not finding a pack in time. It took four Alpha’s to put down the Alpha in question, and by the time he was finally killed, he had attacked over two hundred people. Only three managed a successful turn, and another forty-eight died from bite rejection syndrome. The rest were torn apart, and in some cases eaten, by the Alpha.
Derek shut the book with a gasp, forcing himself to set it down and not throw it away. He pressed both hands against his face, pushing the headlamp off his head, needing the dark. He balled his fists up and dug them into his eyes, shaking his head. Most of it wasn’t new information, but he didn’t know why it had struck a chord. It felt like something in him had given up.
“Derek”
His head jerked up as he looked around, looking for whoever said his name. “Hello?” he called, straining to hear who had spoken. He couldn’t sense anyone around him.
Slowly, he turned to look at the book, carefully reaching down to pick it up. “Hello?” he asked, feeling stupid. He frowned, trying to see the book better, but it was too dark even with his vision.
He stood up slowly, walking towards where he could see the light flickering beyond the bushes, walking carefully as he stepped over another log and around a tree and into a clearing he remembered from so long ago. He crashed to his knees, staring wide-eyed at the tree stump that stretched across the clearing. He had forgotten, lost in the joy that Paige was alive.
He had never been able to find it again when he was older, no matter how hard he looked.
“Derek.”
The voice came from the Nemeton, and he stared as a thousand fireflies began to dance around the tree, lighting up the entire clearing. Derek stood, the book still held in his hand, as he began to walk towards the Nemeton, drawn by something warm and familiar that reminded him of the bonds he once had with his family.
“What do you want?” he asked, voice hoarse and cracking as he stopped at the edge of where the roots spread out like fingers digging into the Earth.
The fireflies began to swirl around each other, drawing in close until Derek could make out the image of a woman in them. The light was bright. Bright enough, he felt his eyes water, and he raised a hand, trying to block it out. The woman sat down, perching on the edge of the tree. The light began to get brighter and brighter, and Derek fought to keep his eyes open through tears. He felt rooted in the spot, unable to make his feet move.
The lights got brighter until Derek felt like he was staring into the sun before suddenly they were dim, and he was left, blinking spots out of his eyes.
“Hello, child.”
The voice echoed through his bones like thunder from the sky. He gasped, collapsing to the ground, tears streaming down his face as he shook with the intensity of the voice. He dropped his head, digging his fingers into the Earth as he fought against the ache that bloomed, chased away by his healing but slower than normal.
“Sorry, child,” the voice said again, the echo still there but muted now, a distant storm instead of a rolling thunderclap in his bones. Derek pressed both hands against his eyes, trying to stem the flood of tears as his eyes adjusted to the sudden lack of light.
“I always forget how delicate you are,” the voice said.
Derek dropped his hands, blinking away the last of the spots as his healing took over and got rid of his headache. The fireflies were softer now, less intense, and he watched the outline of the woman smile.
“Who are you?” he asked softly, feeling afraid.
“I am,” the woman replied before she paused. “I am the world around you. Some call me the Goddess. Some call me Mother. I’ve had many names. But I simply am.”
Derek fought the urge to smooth out the grooves he had dug into the Earth. “Oh,” he said, unable to find any more words aside from that.
The woman smiled again, shaking her head. Or Derek assumed she shook her head. It was hard to tell. The outline of the woman wavered as the fireflies drifted. Derek had a hard time thinking of her as anything other than a woman. Everything else was too large for him to comprehend.
“Am I asleep?” he finally asked, hoping that what he read was simply another nightmare.
“No.”
Derek sat back on his heels, his arms hanging loosely at his sides. He stared at the book lying in the dirt, one corner buried into the soil at the base of the Nemeton. “Oh,” he said softly, feeling drained.
“Derek,” the woman said softly.
Derek didn’t move, staring into space as he tried to understand everything. A glowing hand reached out, and he felt the brush of wings against his chin, light and almost tickling. He raised his head at the woman’s insistence, meeting where her eyes should be.
“Derek,” she said again, cupping his chin, and he could feel the fireflies dancing along his skin. “You have a chance to be powerful.”
“I don’t want to be powerful. I want my family,” Derek interrupted, feeling small. He sounded small, even to his own ears. “I want to be happy and with them, and I don’t want them to burn. Please don’t let them burn.”
He could feel tears welling in his eyes, and the woman reached out, cupping his face with both hands. He could feel the flutter of wings against his cheeks, but it didn’t itch. It felt comforting. A buzz settled into his bones like background noise, settling him down.
“You can be both,” the woman said, shaking her head slightly. “I will not forge your path for you, but you have another chance, and I know you will do wondrous things with it.”
Derek shook his head. “I want my family,” he repeated, feeling like a child. “Please.”
The woman shook her head. “It’s not possible.”
Derek felt tears well. He felt empty, hollowed out, and clean, but he didn’t feel new. He felt empty, thrown away, and forgotten. He pressed both hands against his chest and dropped his chin down, away from the woman. He could feel the hand rest on his head for a second.
“You will be able to walk away from here,” the woman continued, her voice melodic and deep. The intonation never changed, neither happy nor sad. It simply was. “You are stronger than you think, and you can walk the world to find your place. This I can give you. The book will guide your way, and when you find your place, you will be happy.”
“I want to be happy here,” he whispered. “Please.”
“You are meant for greater things than to be the beta of this pack,” the woman said. “You always were, but the road you walk is dangerous.”
Derek shook his head. “It’s not me. You’ve got the wrong person.”
The hands gripped his chin and yanked his head up. Derek tried to struggle, but he couldn’t move, his chin held in a vice that didn’t budge. The woman was the Earth, and Derek couldn’t fight that. He stopped, going limp in her grip as he stared wide-eyed at the red hue emanating from within the fireflies.
“I do not make mistakes,” the woman said, her tone more like a storm over an ocean, choppy and rough, the edges of her words wearing the world around her down. “I do not interfere, but I do not make mistakes.”
Derek swallowed back the fear he could feel rising in his throat as he stared wide-eyed. “I…” he tried, stopping when the grip on his chin tightened again.
“I know you wish you stay here, but your world will be so much bigger, and you need to find your place among it,” the woman said, her voice firm—the way his Mom’s used to be before he had woken up an Alpha.
“Why are you here?” Derek forced out, ignoring the pain in his jaw as it was gripped even tighter. He felt himself dragged up, his knees barely on the ground. He could feel the strain in his neck and the ache in his jaw that his healing couldn’t get ahead of. The woman’s face was back to the soft yellow glow, the red a distant memory. Even created by fireflies, he could see the compassion in her face.
Her grip ached, but he had a feeling she didn’t mean to. “Ow.”
The grip lessened immediately, and Derek felt his knees sink into the soft earth again. The woman watched him for a long time before she finally let go, brushing her hands over her knees in a nervous-looking gesture. Derek was suddenly worried. The physical representation of Earth shouldn’t look nervous.
The woman nodded towards the book. “That book is not meant for you.”
“I…,” Derek trailed off, staring down and fighting the urge to grab the book and pull it close. “What?”
The woman said, reaching down to run a finger over the cover. The book glowed for a moment before it faded as the woman pulled her hand away. Derek wasn’t sure if the glow had come from the book or the fireflies. “The book chooses who it wants to be with, and it has chosen you. I don’t know why.”
Derek looked down at the book and slowly reached out, picking it up and pulling it back against his chest. “Why me?”
The woman looked at him. “It is for magic, and while you are of magic, you do not possess magic.”
“It’s a grimoire?” he asked, looking back at the book.
“It is.”
Derek frowned, looking closer at the book. “Why me?”
The woman shook her head, the trees fluttering in a sudden gust of wind as she sighed. “I do not know. It has passed through many hands, and like all things magic, it developed a personality. I cannot control who it chooses. Nor do I understand why it chooses someone. I am, but I cannot see everything. I chose not to see everything. I choose, and so shall my children.”
Derek looked up from the book to see the woman leaning forward, the fireflies changing, the woman’s face growing larger until her eyes were the size of his head. He felt seen, every inch of him exposed. He leaned back, dropping onto his ass and beginning to scrabble back as fear overtook him, and he felt his heartbeat speed up.
“It’ll take you towards many paths, some good and some not. Be careful, Derek. You can wander the path alone longer than most. You’ve had to before; you are strong enough. But even the strongest mountain needs trees to live. Be wary of those who would drag you into the woods out of fear or jealousy. “
Derek felt pinned in place, suddenly unable to move as the woman’s face hovered over him, the fireflies that made up her eyes beginning to swirl. He felt drawn into her eyes, the world around him fading even as his heart began to beat so fast it felt like it would burst out of his chest. His lungs felt tight, his chest couldn’t expand, and he felt dizzy as if someone had leeched all the air from around him.
“Why are you telling me this?” he got out, his voice barely a whisper. Each word felt torn out of his throat, and he swore he could smell copper in the air, the metallic taste coating the back of his throat.
“Because I chose you,” the woman’s voice boomed, the sound of rain beginning to fill the air around him.
Distantly he could hear thunder, and the woman’s face disappeared as lightning cracked overhead, lighting up the whole clearing for a brief moment. In that moment, Derek could see himself slumped to the side with Kate standing over him, a gun in her hand. She looked angry as he stepped forward, yelling something Derek couldn’t hear. He could see the blood trailing from his mouth as Kate pulled her foot back, and the image was gone, the crack of lighting fading into the dark of the rising storm.
Derek still couldn’t move. All he could do was stare with wide eyes as the woman’s face grew even larger, more fireflies appearing out of nowhere until she was nothing but a swirling mass of lights that hurt to look at. He couldn’t look away.
“I chose you!”
Thunder boomed, and suddenly Derek could move as rain poured down, soaking him within seconds. The clearing was dark, the overhead clouds blotting out the moon altogether. He was in the dark. He collapsed onto his back, inhaling as deeply as he could, feeling himself begin to shake with adrenaline and fear. He wanted to curl up into a ball and cry. He wanted to run until he was far away from the woods. He wanted to make a home on concrete and hide from the moon for the rest of his life.
Derek felt something warm on his chest, and he looked to see the book, still completely dry. It was glowing a soft red, warm to the touch. He wrapped his arms around it, sitting up and hunching over the book, wanting to protect it from the storm even if it didn’t need it.
He curled his arms around his knees and rested his forehead against them, ignoring the pounding of the rain against his back. He could feel the water slide down his skin, and he was cold, the smell of mud and moss filling the air, washing away the stink of ozone left over from the lighting that had cracked through the air.
It took a long time for him to get his heart under control, and when the adrenaline faded, he felt drained, as if something had come through and sapped the life from him. He shuddered, rubbing his head against his knee for a moment before he forced himself to sit up.
The rain was still pouring down, and he could feel it trickle down his face, sliding down his neck and dropping onto the book where it slid off, the book still dry. Derek reached out, running trembling fingers over the cover, wondering what the fuck was happening and why it was happening to him. He gave in to the urge to open the book, watching as rain slid off the book without touching the pages, even though he could feel the rough paper under his fingers.
The cover had changed. The pretentious title was gone, replaced by one in English.
Derek ran his fingers over the title. “The Mountains Gift,” he said softly. He stiffened as the ink shifted across the page, creating a new sentence. “Not all ghost towns are filled with ghosts.”
He frowned, running his fingers over the words, but this time nothing changed.
“Derek!”
Derek jerked up, the book slamming close, and the warmth suddenly gone as he heard footsteps in the distance. He scrambled to his feet, sliding in the mud that had formed around him as the rain kept pouring down. He heard his name again, and he turned in the direction, hearing the footsteps coming closer a second before his Mom burst into the clearing, her eyes wide and panicked.
“Mom? What’s wrong?” Derek demanded, taking a step forward.
He tensed up as his Mom flashed alpha red eyes at him, barely managing not to flash his own back. He could feel himself shake as a new burst of adrenaline coursed through him. He wanted to drop to the ground and run away from whatever danger was there.
“Derek?” his Mom repeated, taking a step closer, her head tilted to the side. “Is it you?”
Derek frowned. “Yeah, it’s me.”
Talia took another step forward, and Derek heard more footsteps crash through the forest as his Dad appeared, followed by Peter, both stopping in their tracks.
“What’s going on?” Derek asked, looking between the three of them and their wide, scared faces. “Is something wrong? Is someone hurt?”
A thousand scenarios flashed through his mind, each worse than the last. He saw the three of them glance at each other before Talia walked forward, stopping right in front of him. She bent down and peered at him, and he could feel the thud of his pulse as his heart sped up even more.
“Mom?” he asked, voice cracking. “What’s wrong? What happened?”
“Where’ve you been?”
Derek looked over at Peter, who took a step forward, the rain plastering his hair to his head, but he looked menacing, the bright amber of his eyes even brighter against the pitch black of the clearing.
“Here,” he said softly. “I came here after work to do some studying.”
“After work?” Peter demanded.
Derek nodded, glancing between the three of them. Talia was still staring at him, and his Dad looked worried, his eyebrows drawn close together. They looked harried, stressed out, and Derek didn’t know why.
“Is someone hurt?” he demanded, looking back at his Mom, who took a step back.
“What day is it?” Peter demanded suddenly, moving closer.
Derek flinched back from his voice, his mind flashing back to claws in his chest and Peter’s smile while he did it. Whatever impression he was giving, it stopped Peter in his tracks.
“You guys are scaring me,” Derek said, gaze flittering between them. “What’s wrong?”
He couldn’t help the flash of his eyes this time, the growl in his voice as he demanded an answer as if they were his betas. His Dad and Peter flinched back, but Talia growled at him. “Answer Peter, Derek.”
“It’s Thursday,” Derek snapped, feeling his fangs begin to lengthen. “I was at school, and then I went to work, and then I came out here to study.”
Derek wanted to drop his head down, but his instinct took over. He couldn’t show weakness in front of the other Alpha. He knew that deep in his bones. He looked around the clearing and tensed up when he noticed the nemeton missing. He almost missed the headlamp he had been using, the light gone and half-buried under the mud. His backpack was next to it, soaked.
He turned his head back to the adults, looking between his Mom and Dad before finally settling on Peter, who was watching him warily.
“What happened?” he demanded.
“It’s Saturday, Derek. The nineteenth,” Peter said softly, more compassion in his face that Derek could understand.
“No,” he said, shaking his head. “No. It’s Thursday. I left work two hours ago.”
“Where have you been?” Talia demanded, her eyes flashing.
“It’s Thursday,” Derek repeated, his mind stuck on that. How long had he spent talking to the woman? How long had he been sitting in the rain? How? “It’s Thursday.”
Richard stepped closer, bridging the distance between them and pulling Derek into a tight hug. Derek didn’t fight it, collapsing against his Dad. He started to shiver, unsure if it was from the cold or the shock of what was happening.
“What’s happening to me?” Derek demanded, pressing his face into his Dad’s shoulder.
“Why did you come out here?” Richard asked softly.
“Because it makes everyone more comfortable,” Derek mumbled. “It means Mom doesn’t have to watch out for me the entire time I’m home. She can relax.”
His voice cracked on the last word as the rain stopped suddenly. The sudden absence of noise was jarring, the silence that filled the air before other noises began to make their way back in. He could hear crickets chirping, some animal burrowing into the ground. He felt the arms tighten around him, and he could hear his Mom make a low, almost wounded noise, but she didn’t come any closer.
“We’ll figure it out, kid,” his Dad said, holding him even tighter, one hand cupping the back of his head. “I promise.”
Part 7
March 17th, 2005
Derek pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders as he sat down on the couch in the living room. In the month since he had gone missing for three days, his family had barely let him out of their sight. He got picked up and dropped off from school and work, and someone was always around. Part of him wondered if he should feel smothered, but he felt like he was home finally, like everything was the way it should be.
He looked down at the grimoire, running fingers over the cover. He couldn’t account for the missing time, and he still had difficulty coming to terms with what had happened. He dropped his hand down and looked over to Cora, who was studying on the floor across the room. She was chewing on her pen, looking every inch of her twelve years as she kicked her feet in the air.
“A History of Ghost Towns in the Appalachian Mountains.”
Derek flinched, his whole body jerking away from the voice next to his ear. Wrapped up in the blanket as he was, he couldn’t get his balance, and he dropped to the floor, cracking his head on the table. He groaned at the flash of pain, working one arm free so he could press a hand against his head. His fingers came away sticky, but it didn’t hurt anymore. He groaned and rubbed his forehead, looking at Peter leaning against the back of the couch, looking sheepish.
“Sorry,” Peter said, not sounding sorry at all.
“Yeah,” Derek said, getting himself free so he could sit up.
“Alright?”
Derek nodded, rubbing at the spot on his head until he was sure it was clean. He glanced at Cora, who had sat up, watching him worriedly.
Derek smiled. “It’s fine,” he said, waving a hand. Cora watched him for a second more before returning to her schoolwork.
He turned, looking back at Peter, who had picked up the grimoire and had flipped open the front cover.
“Ghost towns?” Peter asked, flipping through a few more pages and closing it, handing it back to Derek.
Derek looked down at the cover, seeing the same words he always saw. The Mountains Gift was still written on the front of it. “They sound interesting,” he said, remembering the other message. “Just finding out why they died out. Most of them its always the same thing, but some are more interesting.”
He was dragging bits and pieces from memories over the years, and he was glad when Peter didn’t ask anything else.
“But the Appalachian Mountains?”
Derek looked up, thinking quickly. “The Rockies are too close for comfort.”
Peter opened his mouth and then sighed. “Can’t argue with you there.”
Peter walked around the couch and sat down where Derek had been sitting, bracing elbows on his knees, and laced his fingers together. “So, we have a conundrum.”
“Just one?” Derek asked dryly. “I’ve got a whole host of them these days.”
Peter inclined his head. “Fair. I need to go to Beacon City.”
“So?”
“So, you have work in an hour, and no one can take you,” Peter said.
Derek felt something seize in his chest. “I can’t call out,” he said quickly. “You can drop me off early.”
Peter sighed. “It’s one day.”
Derek shook his head, pushing himself up onto his knees and staring at his Uncle. It was still confusing to see this Peter and know that he wasn’t crazy, that this Peter hadn’t tried to kill him. It was also weird to be so much smaller than his uncle. He wanted to finish growing. His body still felt wrong, like things never worked the way they were supposed to.
“I…I want to work,” Derek said, biting back the instinctual urge to tell Peter he was happier there. At home, it felt like everyone was walking on eggshells. And his three-day disappearance hadn’t helped. Even the bond between him and Paige had been muted, and she had been distant since then.
“Please,” he said softly. “I’ll go straight there and back, main roads only. No forest.”
Peter stared at him, shaking his head. “Sorry, kiddo.”
Derek gritted his teeth, fighting down the urge to make Peter submit. Derek sat back on his heels, drawing in a deep breath as he tried to get himself under control. He knew Peter could see it. He watched as his uncle carefully stood and walked around the couch, bracing himself on the back of the sofa.
“This is bullshit,” Derek finally said through clenched teeth.
“Language.”
“Fuck you,” Derek snapped, glaring at his uncle, daring him to comment.
Peter grimaced, looking apologetic. “Derek, those were Talia’s orders. I can’t go against them.”
Derek stood up, kicking away the blanket. “I can,” he said, folding his arms over his chest.
Peter sighed, dropping his head down between his shoulders. “Why is this so important to you? It’s a job.”
Derek’s arms tightened, and he glanced over his shoulder at Cora, watching the argument between them with wide eyes. He looked back at Peter, who was waiting expectantly, his arms crossed over his chest in a mirror of Derek’s.
Ever since the forest, he felt volatile, and his control was slipping. His anchor was failing him. It had been his family for so long, and it had been easy to remember the good times before the fire, but now they were being overwritten by the awkward interactions as everyone tried to deal with Derek. His family loved him, but Talia had distanced herself, and all the love in the world wasn’t enough to combat the instinctual need to side with their Alpha.
“It’s the only place I feel welcome,” Derek spat out, raising his chin a little higher. “And don’t give me some line about this being my home because it’s not. Not anymore.”
It was hard to see the sadness on Peter’s face, but his uncle didn’t try to argue. Even Cora stayed silent. Derek felt a yawning chasm open up in his chest, filling with nothing but sadness and anger. He tightened his arms even more but didn’t look away, waiting for Peter to say or do something.
Finally, Peter dropped his head down and let out a long sigh. “Fine, I’ll talk to Talia.”
Derek nodded his head and grabbed his things, eager to get out of the house as soon as possible, away from everyone’s attempts at cheer. The three of them weren’t alone in the house, he knew Laura and Jenna were upstairs, and his Dad was going over patient files in the office. But no one came out to say goodbye as he walked to the front door.
“Derek,” Peter said, stopping him as he was about to open the door. “You’re still family.”
Derek glanced over his shoulder and saw Cora’s face, eyes bright with tears and Peter’s sadness, and he shrugged, not bothering to say anything. It was all useless platitudes anyway. His family might be alive, but he was as alone as he had been when they were dead.
“Derek,” Peter said again when he turned.
“What?” he asked, hearing the weariness in his voice.
“Be safe.”
Derek waved a hand over his shoulder and left, more than ready to get to the library and immerse himself in a sea of books.
Derek woke with a groan, pressing a hand over his face as he rolled to his side and fought against the urge to throw up. It always felt unnatural to him, and he hated the sensation. He only ever got it when someone dosed him with wolfsbane.
He groaned again, rolling onto his stomach as he fought down the urge to throw up. He pushed himself up onto his hands and knees, trying to get himself under control and figure out what was happening. No doubt some stupid plan by Scott again, and Derek had been the one in the middle of it without knowing. He needed to stop following along with whatever dumbass idea those two had and focus on himself.
“Oh, look, it’s awake.”
Derek turned his head, blinking a few times before he could focus on a man he had never seen before. Or if he had, he wasn’t memorable, with dirty blonde hair, brown eyes, and a patchy beard. He looked like any trucker at a stop. He rubbed a hand over his face as he tried to piece together what was happening.
He had been on his way to work.
Derek froze as the memories slammed into him, and he twisted to sit on his ass, adrenaline burning away the last of the fog as he looked around. He was in one of the many warehouses on the outskirts of town and in a cage. It was short enough that Derek couldn’t stand; he could barely sit straight, but it was long enough to lay down. He reached out, grabbed the bar, and pulled back with a hiss as it burned his hand. He looked down at the black mark on his hand and smelled the lingering scent of wolfsbane.
“Fuck,” he breathed out, rubbing his hand on his jean.
He could hear footsteps coming, and he looked up, freezing in place as he watched Kate stroll into the room, a shotgun resting over her shoulder.
“It’s awake, boss,” the first man said.
“Yes, I see that,” Kate said, a sneer in her voice. She walked over and crouched down in front of the cage, staring at Derek.
“You’re the creepy lady,” Derek said, coughing again, trying to remember if he had seen Kate after that first time at the library. He knew Mrs. Whelan had mentioned it to the Sherriff, but he hadn’t seen Kate again, and she had dropped out of his mind. It was stupid of him.
“Creepy lady?” Kate asked, the sneer twisting into something angrier.
“The old one that kept touching me,” Derek said, carefully scooting away from her, wanting as much distance between them. Derek looked around the cage, trying to find a way out or away from her. He wanted to run far, far away.
“Why am I here?” he asked, widening his eyes. It wasn’t hard to look afraid, even if he was less scared these days. He knew what sort of person Kate was. She was someone to be wary of, but she wasn’t a monster that went bump in the night. Derek had met those monsters.
Kate’s sneer twisted into a scowl. “Well, if you hadn’t been a tattle telling little shit, we could’ve done this another way.”
“Done what?” Derek asked, glaring at her.
“You’re going to tell me how to get into your house without anyone knowing.”
“No.”
Kate’s scowl changed into a dark smile. “Oh, you will.”
“I’m not telling a pedophile anything,” Derek said, sneering back at her.
Kate lunged forward, her teeth bared. “Yes, you will,” she snapped. “Trust me. We can make this a lot more painful if you like.”
Derek shook his head, keeping his mouth shut. He wasn’t going to give Kate a damn thing. Derek wasn’t going to be the reason his family burned this time. She could kill him for all he gave a shit. He was not giving her a damn thing.
“Oh, this will be fun,” Kate said, standing up, kicking the cage hard enough to rattle it. “I always like it when the mongrels want to take the hard road. So much more opportunity for imagination.”
“Fuck you.”
Kate leaned down, bracing her elbows on the top of the cage, and looked down at him. The corner of her mouth pulled up into a cold smile. “You know, Derek. I think I’m going to have fun slicing you open.”
“I’d like to see you try.”
Kate laughed. “And when I’m done slicing you open, I have no doubt that your Alpha Mother will come running to save her baby boy, and we can kill her right before we kill the rest of your fucking pack and rid the world of one more disease.”
Derek realized Kate didn’t know he was an Alpha. He forced himself not to react and instead pushed himself further away from where Kate was, doing his best not to touch the cage. His palm still burned. He looked up at Kate with wide eyes and could see his death looming, but his family would be safe.
Kate’s smile tightened, obviously expecting him to react more, but Derek was tired. He was more tired than he could ever remember being. He had been tired before he had woken up in the past, and it felt like everything was crashing down on him. He was exhausted.
“Everyone breaks, kid,” Kate said, leaning closer, her face pressed against the cage.
Derek struck, slamming his fingers up with his claws out, trying to grab her face. He hissed as his hand made contact with the bars, the skin burning, but Kate jerked back in time, the tip of his claw slicing her chin open, but it was shallow.
“You’ll pay for that!” she snapped, turning and leaving.
Derek looked down at his hand, at the blood on his claws, and smirked. He looked up as footsteps neared, more footsteps this time. Three men appeared, each holding shock sticks. Derek’s heart sped up. He watched as they surrounded the cage, Kate appearing a second later, pressing a towel against the cut. He could see the rage in her eyes, the manic anger, and Derek felt his death loom even closer. He was ready.
“Do it,” Kate growled, her voice tight with pain.
Derek looked around at the three men who stepped closer, ozone filling the air as the cattle prods turned on. Derek looked back at Kate and smiled as the first cattle prod hit his side, and pain raged through him.
He didn’t know how long they were at it; he had started screaming almost immediately, not giving a shit what they thought. There was nothing to gain by trying to keep himself quiet. He didn’t need a prove a thing to Kate or her goons. They finally stepped back, and Derek could feel his muscles shaking as his healing tried to deal with the onslaught of pain from the cattle prods.
“Had enough?” Kate demanded. “Ready to talk?”
Derek opened his eyes, wondering if his hair could hurt. They had been torturing him long enough Kate had had time to bandage her face.
He grinned, ignoring the taste of blood that lingered in his mouth from where he had bit his tongue a few times. “Come closer. I’ll get your nose this time,” he said, hoarse from screaming. “Might almost make you look decent.”
Kate scowled. “Again.”
Derek’s world exploded into pain, and he let out another scream as the world flared into bright colors. By the time he came back to himself, he was panting, trying to ignore the way his insides felt. He felt like something was crawling under his skin, and he didn’t want to think about what was happening as he healed.
He rolled onto his stomach, resting his head on the floor, ignoring the smell. He heard footsteps, one of the men making a joke as the others laughed. He forced himself back up, sitting back on his heels with his head bowed so he wouldn’t hit the top of the cage. He ached, and it wasn’t going away; his body was focused on the big injuries.
“You’re stubborn,” Kate said, lighting a cigarette and inhaling deeply. She held it for a second before blowing the smoke into his face. Derek coughed, waving it away. “I like that about you.”
“Gross,” he croaked.
Kate laughed and waved a hand as the men stepped back in, his world dissolving into pain. Derek didn’t know how long it lasted, the pain coming in waves with him barely able to take a breath in the middle. Everything ached, the burn on his palm hurting even worse. He had curled up into a ball at some point, wanting to keep away from the bars on either side, but the cage was small enough there was nowhere he could go.
“Enough.”
The world felt hazy, everything moving in jumps and starts, moments missed as people walked across the room. He rolled onto his back again, coughing. His limbs felt shaky, and he coughed again, a burning in his lungs making his eyes fly open.
Kate was grinning down at him, waving a stick of something in the air above him, filling the cage with a cloud of smoke. “You know, experimenting on animals is a tried-and-true method of making sure humanity survives. And I’m no different. I had to experiment with making sure I could do this right, to negate your healing ability while making sure you still stayed alive.”
Derek looked back up at the stick, focusing on the branch he now recognized as wolfsbane. He coughed, wanting to bury his face into his arm, but it was too late.
Kate smirked, held the stick up in front of her, and blew the smoke right into Derek’s face. He closed his eyes and turned, but he could feel the burning in his eyes as they started to water.
“Beta’s like you are always so easy to take down. A little bit of smoke, and that healing goes right away. It makes it so much more fun,” Kate said.
Derek stayed where he was, remembering the last time he had been in a haze of wolfsbane smoke, and he would not bite another Argent and turn them. If he bit another Argent, it would be to kill them and nothing less. Kate laughed at whatever was on his face.
“Even now, still so stubborn,” she cooed, resting the stick on the top of the cage. “Don’t worry. You’ll break soon enough. You’re about to experience what pain is like when you can’t heal.”
She picked up the stick and walked over to where a fan was, setting it down on the floor and turning the fan on. Instantly the smoke began to drift right towards Derek, making it impossible for him to get away. He rolled over, burying his face into his arm and doing his best to breathe less. He wasn’t a beta, but he didn’t want to risk inhaling more than needed.
“That’s useless little Hale,” Kate singsonged. “I’ve got plenty more where that came from. I wonder how much you can take before Mommy dearest comes running for her only son?”
A long time, Derek thought morosely. Part of him wondered if his Mom would care if he died or if she would be able to bury him and move on, mourn who he was, but not miss who he had become. Derek was tired. He was tired and alone, and he didn’t want to be alone anymore. He knew he had given up, but he wouldn’t let his family get hurt again, and if he had to die to keep them safe, it would be a good trade-off.
He pressed his face tighter into his arm, ignoring the oozing sensation as the wolfsbane smoke rolled over him. His skin was starting to burn, the sweat trickling down his skin, leaving trails of fire in the droplet’s wake. He ached, his muscles beginning to cramp from the abuse, and he wasn’t healing. He never wanted to be human. Not if it felt like this.
At least his insides didn’t feel like they were crawling anymore, but there was a different sensation. One that didn’t feel right, and part of him expected to start coughing up blood.
The fan finally turned off, and the air slowly cleared. He finally allowed himself to look up, feeling weaker than he had in a long time. He could feel the tears streaming down his face, and his eyes burned, but he couldn’t see anything. He barely had the energy to roll to his back and stare at the ceiling as his vision slowly came back in fits and bursts.
“Hmm, you’re awake,” Kate said, appearing in the fading smoke like something out of a nightmare, blurred and shadowy. “How fun.”
She leaned down over the cage. Derek stayed where he was, too worn out to do anything but try to watch her back. He ached more than he ever had in his life. If this was being human felt like he didn’t understand why people would reject the bite. He watched as Kate waved a hand, and the men dragged him out of the cage. He didn’t fight; he didn’t have the energy to.
They dragged him across the room and dropped him under a light that made his eyes water. Other hands grabbed and lifted him. He tried to struggle, but he was weak, and he didn’t care. It was hard to care when he had no one, and he knew no one was looking for him. The librarians would assume he didn’t show up to work, and his family would assume he was at work. He didn’t know how much time had passed.
He was glad that he was alone and Kate hadn’t grabbed someone else.
Kate’s goons dropped him into a chair and dragged his arms behind him, tying him up with a rope that burned into his skin. He groaned, his head falling forward as he tried to fight it, but he was weak.
“Werewolves are so easy,” Kate said, crouching in front of him. “A plant is what takes you down. A fucking plant.”
“Says the squishy human,” Derek rasped, rolling his head so he could try to see her without raising his head.
“I’m not the one tied to a chair.”
Derek jerked forward, using up all the energy he had, but it was worth it to see Kate drop onto her ass, a flash of fear on her face replaced by anger. He smirked, slumping back, drained. Kate scrambled to her feet. He wasn’t surprised when she punched him, his head slamming back and pain flaring up. He had been punched in the face before, but it had never lingered like this.
He groaned, his head lolling to the side. His chest felt like it was constricting. He forced his eyes open, feeling blood or sweat trickle over his lip.
“Squishy,” he mumbled, the words slurring around what he assumed was a broken nose.
Kate growled deep in her throat and turned, stalking behind Derek. He heard something clank against a metal tray before she appeared in front of him again, a serrated knife held in her hand.
“Always need tools as well, useless,” Derek managed to get out before screaming as Kate dragged the knife across his arm, opening it up. He could feel the burning, and he knew it was treated by wolfsbane. He wondered how much more wolfsbane he could take before he died.
He hurt. And he was sick and tired of hurting.
“Fuck you,” Kate hissed, holding up the knife in front of him. He could barely make it out, a line of gray and red in front of his eyes. “I’m not the one tied to a chair right now.”
“You’re the one…” Derek trailed off and panted for a second, each breath painful as he tried to breathe with lungs damaged by the wolfsbane smoke, “…the one who needs a sixteen-year-old to do their job.”
Kate’s face twisted into a scowl that even Derek could see through blurred vision. She leaned in closer, the touch of the blade against his throat burning from the wolfsbane. It was one more pain, and it blurred with the rest.
“I don’t need you,” she hissed, pressing the blade deeper into his neck. He could feel it cut in, the pain giving way to burning. “I’ve killed more mongrels than you can ever imagine. But it’s always so quick; I don’t want this to be quick. I want it to be slow. I want you to listen to your family burn, knowing that you were the one who killed them. You’re going to break. Everyone does. And when you do and tell me everything, I’ll make sure you have a front-row seat to their screams.”
Derek flashed back to the night of the fire, to when he had fought as hard as he could to get through the barrier to his family. He wasn’t going to let her touch his family again. Derek closed his eyes and let his head drop forward, giving up the fight. She could do whatever she wanted, but Derek wouldn’t let her win.
“So, this is your grand plan?”
Derek jerked his head up, his eyes widening as he looked around the clearing that appeared around him. He was back in the forest, the nemeton stretching wide in front of him. The moon was high overhead, bright and lighting the whole glade as bright as if they were standing in the sun. A woman was sitting on the tree stump, dark hair and skin glowing under the moonlight, her eyes black pools that seemed to never end.
“Who…what?”
The woman shook her head, curls swaying gently as she did so. “I chose you, and this is how you choose to live?”
Derek took a step back, away from the woman. “…you,” he whispered, eyes wide.
The woman smiled, showing off a flash of sharp white teeth. Derek took another step back, or he tried to. Something was holding him in place, and he couldn’t move.
“I am me,” the woman said, the smile and all traces of amusement gone. “I chose you, and this is how you choose to live?”
She repeated the question, standing up and taking a step toward him. Flowers sprung up around her feet, vine crawling up her arms, and a mouse skittered away from underneath her skirt.
“My family is alive,” Derek said, ignoring how his heart was hamming in his chest.
“And you must die for that?” the woman asked, tilting her head to the side.
“If I have to,” Derek said.
The woman tilted her head in the other direction, watching Derek closely. “Do you wish to die?”
Derek opened his mouth to snap out a yes, but the words caught in his throat as the woman stared at him. He still had a hard time comprehending who she was, and his mind riled against the implication of someone this powerful. Derek never had faith. Any faith he once had died a long time ago, and now he didn’t have the energy to do anything. Most mornings, he was surprised he could get out of bed when all he wanted to do was stay tucked under the covers.
The library was his only solace. The place he could go to be alone, away from the coldness that was seeping into his house, the more time he spent there. They might love Derek, but they couldn’t handle the Alpha in him, not when his mother was so obviously out of sorts about it.
Even school wasn’t a solace anymore, not with the cold shoulder he had gotten after leaving the basketball team resulting in a hard season and no championships for the first time in years. His friends had drifted away, and even Paige was pulling away, spending more time with his sisters. He didn’t begrudge her. Derek wasn’t the stable Alpha she needed. He had too many of his own problems to be able to deal with her, and he knew it. It wasn’t fair to Paige.
“It would be better,” Derek said softly, choosing not to answer.
“Is it?”
Derek nodded. “Yes. My Mom would stop stressing, and everyone would mourn, but they could move on. I know they would. It’s easier to mourn if I’m dead than awkwardly trying to make everything work. They don’t know what to do with me.”
“Because you are not choosing,” the woman said. “You straddle the line between protector and protected, and you don’t make a choice. You are an Alpha trying to live as a beta.”
“I cannot be an Alpha in my Mom’s house. She’s the Alpha,” Derek said.
“She is not your Alpha.”
“She’s my Mom!” Derek yelled, taking a step closer.
The woman merely watched him, the plants growing taller around her legs, curling up and clinging to her skirt as they began to climb. “Children outgrow their parents all the time; it is the way of the world.”
“I’m a teenager,” Derek said. “I can’t outgrow her, not yet.”
“You are not a child. You merely inhabit that body,” the woman said. “You are trying to fit into a skin you shed a long time ago. Even if you were not an Alpha, would you still fit who you were? You are a man. You have grown. Your mind is not that of a child. Do you think a child would do as you have done tonight? Try to take your own life to protect your family?”
Derek avoided her gaze.
The woman’s head tilted back to the other side again. “Do you wish to die, Derek Hale?”
Derek didn’t want to answer, but the woman’s eyes met his, and he knew he wouldn’t leave until he did. And the thing was, deep down, he didn’t want to die. He wanted to see where the path he was on would lead, and he wanted to know why a book was leading him to a ghost town. He wanted to see his sisters grow up, fall in love, get married, and have a life. He wanted to fall in love with someone who didn’t want to use him for their own gain. He wanted to see his family get old, actually get old, instead of live in his memory the same age even as he got older and older.
He wanted to live.
“No,” he whispered, dropping his head down.
Pain lanced through his body, and he screamed, his whole-body arching as something burned through his veins. He could hear yelling in the distance, but nothing made sense. He was burning from the inside. The ropes holding his arms were gone, and he collapsed forward into someone’s arms, and he jerked away, rolling away from whichever captor it was.
There was more yelling, but Derek could only feel pain as it burned through him. He wanted to get away from it. Someone reached for him, and he lunged, roaring again, determined to fight and win. If Kate wanted to kill him, she would have to rip out his heart. Pain lanced up his body, a numbness following as the burning gave way to a crawling sensation.
Hands grabbed him, and he jerked away before grabbing them, throwing whoever it was across the room, his claws extended and ready to fight if needed. He couldn’t make anything out, all he could see were figures moving around him, and he growled.
“Fuck off,” he hissed around fangs, feeling the blood pool in his mouth. He spat it out, trying to blink his vision back, but the world was still spinning. A blur threw itself at him, and he growled, grabbing whoever it was and throwing them, listening to them hit the wall with a thud.
Distantly, he could hear someone screaming his name, but he shook his head, grabbing the next body who threw themselves at him and slammed them to the ground. Derek could feel his bones starting to shift, a painful rolling sensation. He ignored it and roared in the face of whoever was on the ground. The person below him went limp, and he backed off, shaking his head as the yelling got louder, his name repeated again and again, but it made no sense.
He felt someone jump on his shoulders, and he ducked away, turning, and throwing them off easily. He tried to stand back up, but he stumbled, falling to all fours as his bones shifted once more and he changed.
Derek felt his skin rip open, the bones in his body breaking and rearranging. He burned as skin split and clothing shredded away. He roared, feeling the bones in his face shift and break, his teeth growing along with his nose. He could hear yelling getting closer, but he still couldn’t make it out. He stumbled to the left, trying to stand before realizing he was on all fours. His hands changed into paws.
A figure appeared in front of him, and he attacked, jumping at the person and tackling them to the ground. He could see a flash of dark hair, and he didn’t know if it was Kate or someone else. He roared, the action causing his ears to pop as sound rushed back in. The body underneath him tried to struggle, but Derek roared again, feeling the fur along his spine raise. The body underneath him went still, and Derek stayed where he was, snarling as the people circled him.
Vaguely he could make out his name in voices he almost knew, but his vision was still blurred, the smoke from Kate’s wolfsbane still affecting him.
“-Derek,” someone was saying his name over and over again in a soothing voice.
Derek shook his head, snarling in the direction of the voice.
“Derek, listen, please, it’s us,” the voice said.
It was familiar, from a memory long buried, because it was easier than remembering that same voice screaming in pain as she burned.
“Derek, come on, baby bro,” another voice said, this one he knew. He remembered the last argument they had before she was cut in half. “I need you to back away from Mom.”
Derek snarled again, feeling his lip curl up, and it felt so familiar to when he was human and so alien at the same time.
“Derek, kid,” a third voice, and Derek would never forget this one. His Dad’s voice was the first one he ever remembered, the one that he could never forget. “Just take a step back from Talia, and we can get you some help.”
Derek snarled again as he shook his head, trying to put everything back the right way, but he took a step back off the body he had pinned to the ground. He blinked, wanting his eyesight to come back. He heard the person he had pinned scramble away before a low growl filled the room.
His head shot up, seeing darkness and red, and he growled back, crouching down and ready to fight to protect his family if he had to.
“Talia, no, he’s confused. There’s wolfsbane here.”
Derek knew that voice, it was a recent memory, and he turned his head, growling at Peter, tensing up and ready to attack if needed. The room went deadly still, no one moving a muscle as all noise ceased except the low growl Derek was emitting.
“Derek, kid, look at me.”
Derek didn’t want to look away from the danger, but he stayed low and tensed up as he looked over at his Dad, who was kneeling on the ground, both hands raised in front of him, palms out.
“Kid, I know it’s hard, but I need you to calm down,” Richard said, his voice calm and soothing. “I don’t know what’s going through your head, but you’re safe. We’re here, and you’re safe.”
Derek took a step back, putting more space between them and the rest of his mother’s pack. His vision was starting to clear, the room slowly coming back into focus. He could see bodies lying around, a flash of blonde hair in the corner he knew was Kate. He could make out his Mom, Dad, Peter, Laura, and Jenna standing in a half-circle around him.
“Derek,” Laura said softly, slowly kneeling. “It’s okay. You’re safe.”
He didn’t feel safe. He could still feel the echo of the ache, the burning in his lungs. He didn’t know how much time had passed since he had given up. He took another step back, shaking his head. He glanced at his Mom and saw her red eyes, the corner of her lip curled into a snarl, and he snarled back, growling deep in his throat.
“Kiddo,” Peter said, stepping forward and resting a hand on Talia’s shoulder, pulling her back slightly. “They’re not going to hurt you. I promise.”
Derek shook his head, his eyes darting back towards where Kate lay on the ground. He could see her breathing. He took a step towards her, growling even louder than before. No one else moved, and Derek slowly walked over to her, keeping his eyes on the rest of his family. No one moved; they watched as he walked over.
He could see her chest rising and falling, and he growled, nudging her with a paw, and didn’t get anything.
“She got thrown across the room,” Peter said, his voice still calm. “Talia threw her across the room as soon as we got here. She had cut your throat; we barely got the wolfsbane antidote on you in time, so you didn’t die.”
Derek shook his head, not sure how to explain that she hadn’t been the one to cut his throat. He looked back as Kate groaned, her body shifting slightly. Derek thought about ripping her throat out for a second, but he knew he couldn’t. If Derek killed her as a werewolf, then her family would follow. He needed to kill her as a human.
He didn’t know how he had accomplished a full shift, but he knew he needed to change back right away. He thought about his anchor, his family, but he knew that anchor was long gone. It might keep his humanity, but it wasn’t strong enough anymore. He couldn’t rely on memories of them before the fire when they were right in front of him, and they were different.
Derek had used anger for so long, and it had worked, and he knew it would work again. He focused, thinking about the rage he felt at being alone, at being unable to talk to anyone about the experiences he had gone through. He thought about his future and the path he was on. He wanted to live, but he didn’t want to walk the woman’s path. He wanted to walk his own path, but he didn’t think that was possible.
He felt his bones shifting again, but it wasn’t painful this time; he didn’t feel like he had been torn out of his body and put into a new one. This time it felt natural, but he was still panting as he pulled his knees up, ignoring his own nudity as he stared down at Kate.
“Derek, kid,” Richard said, taking a step closer to him.
Derek didn’t turn around; he didn’t want to see his Dad’s face. He rested his chin on his knee and looked down at Kate as she groaned and shifted, obviously severely injured. She couldn’t heal as he did, and he doubted she would be moving quickly any time soon.
“She wanted to find a way into the house so she could burn everyone alive,” Derek said softly.
He heard sharp inhales behind him, but he didn’t turn around. He didn’t need any of them for this. He licked over his bottom lip, the taste of blood still lingering on his tongue. He didn’t know how he felt. His body still felt small, too skinny, and he knew it would be years before he could keep muscle on, but he wanted to try. He wanted to finish growing, so his arms and legs did what they were supposed to do, what he knew they could do.
His body might feel odd, but Derek felt clear-headed for the first time since he had woken up in the past. He knew what he could do and what he had to do. The woman had been right. He wasn’t a kid anymore, and he had to stop acting like one.
“Derek?” Talia finally spoke, a soft footstep echoing in the room behind him.
Derek turned, looking to see his family in a half-circle around him, watching him with horror and sadness. Talia looked older than Derek had ever seen her. He could see the pain in her eyes, the tightness around her mouth.
“What happened?” she whispered.
“I wasn’t going to let her hurt you,” he said softly, meeting his Mom’s eyes. “There was so much wolfsbane on me that I knew I wouldn’t heal, so I stopped fighting it.” He shook his head, ignoring the tightness in his throat, but he didn’t look away as realization struck his mother, and she took a step back in shock, a hand flying up to press over her mouth.
“Derek,” she breathed out, a hand reaching out for him before she stopped and pulled it back, her hand curling into a fist.
Derek turned quickly before anyone could see the pain that action caused him. He didn’t think it would be too much to ask his Mom to hug him. Kate groaned again, finally rolling to her side, stilling when she noticed him sitting there.
She had struck her head, and the cut was bleeding down her face and hair, and her skin was pale even in the darkness. He couldn’t decide if she looked weak or if she looked deranged.
“My families gonna get you,” Kate said. Derek could hear each painful wheeze as she tried to breathe around her broken ribs. “Going to come and put you down like animals.”
“We’re not animals,” Derek said calmly.
Kate snorted. “You’re all animals, fucking dogs needing to be put down. They’re going to know, you know. We always know the difference between a werewolf kill and a wild animal. They’ll know you killed me. They’re going to burn your whole fucking family alive.”
Derek leaned forward, waiting until Kate met his eyes. “Humans kill humans all the time.”
“You’re not human,” Kate sneered.
“Derek,” Talia said, a warning note in her voice. “She’s right. We can’t kill her.”
“Why?” Derek asked. “She was going to burn you alive.”
Kate laughed, breaking off into a cough. “Go ahead, slash my throat and bring a war down on yourselves.”
Derek leaned even closer, not saying anything. He waited until Kate finished coughing and met his eyes. He didn’t know what his face looked like, but whatever Kate was about to say died in her throat, and for the first time, he saw true fear in her eyes.
“They’ll know you killed me.”
“Humans kill humans all the time,” Derek repeated, and before anyone could stop him, he grabbed her head and twisted her head around until he heard her neck snap.
Kate went limp under his hands, and he dropped her but didn’t move away. He stared at her still body, waiting for the trick. For her chest to rise and fall again. Part of him couldn’t believe that she was dead. After everything she had done to him and his family, she was dead. As easy as snapping a twig.
“Derek,” Talia breathed his name out in condemnation.
“Humans kill humans all the time,” Derek said for the third time, wrapping his arms around himself and beginning to feel the cold as he knelt naked on the concrete floor. “It’s supposed to rain tonight. Wait until it’s heavy and drop her in an alleyway up in Beacon City. It’ll wash away any traces. The hunters can’t blame us for humans being human. Let the rats have her, hide the claw marks on her face.”
Derek started to shiver, which turned into shaking, and he pulled himself into a tight ball as he tried to warm up. He kept his eyes on Kate, on her eyes staring unseeing towards heaven, her hair and arms spread out around her like a fallen angel. She had caused so much pain, and so many packs would never have an answer, but she couldn’t hurt anyone else. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and he turned his head to see Peter kneeling next to him, his face a mask of horror and pride. He could see his sisters hugging each other, staring at him in shock, and his Dad had his head dipped down. Talia’s face was blank as she stared at him, her eyes a bright red in the growing dark of the warehouse as the clouds started to roll in.
“I want to go home,” Derek said, staring straight at Peter as he said it, remembering the conversation he had had with his uncle at the house. He was shaking violently now, tremors wracking his body as his teeth started to chatter. “I want to go home.”
Part 8
March 31st, 2005
“You’re not staying in Beacon Hills, are you?”
Derek looked over at Paige, who set her scanner down, and turned to look at him, hands folded in front of her. She looked tired, the same way Derek felt tired. Even though it had been two weeks since Kate kidnapped him, he still felt bad for what his torture had put her through. She had felt everything, and that was the only reason his family had gotten there in time to cure the wolfsbane poisoning so he could heal. Derek didn’t know if it was a series of fortunate events or if the woman had orchestrated it.
“No.”
Paige nodded her head and dropped her eyes, fingers fiddling with the books in front of her. “Is it me?” she asked softly. “I’m trying not to be needy, and maybe I shouldn’t have gotten the job here and let you have it, but…”
She trailed off, her face going bright red, and Derek felt his heartbreak slightly. For the past two weeks, Derek had had difficulty dealing with everything. He constantly felt like he was underwater, everything was muted, and the world had less color than before. The constant barrage of rain hadn’t helped.
The Full Moon the week before had been hard for them both and not because Derek still felt weak. The bond between them was waning, and Derek didn’t know how to make it better.
“No,” he repeated, wanting to reach out and take her hand, but he couldn’t find the energy to move. Paige glanced up at him before looking away, and he knew he needed to explain.
“There’s only supposed to be one Alpha,” Derek said slowly, trying to find the right words. “If there are two Alphas, it’s either because they’re a mated pair, or one of the mated pairs has died, and the Alpha spark passed to the heir. What happened to me was something outside of the norm. It was a myth coming to life. And it’s thrown things into an imbalance.”
Paige was watching him, eyes wide, and Derek could see the stress forming lines by her eyes. She looked older than she was, and Derek knew that not all of it was because she was older than he remembered.
“This isn’t my home,” Derek said through gritted teeth. “I don’t feel anchored here.”
The second was a lie. Derek felt connected to the land here in ways he couldn’t explain. The connection had grown since his kidnapping when he had done the full Alpha shift. He could hear more and see further, and the whole town seemed to open up for him. Lights were brighter, the doors never creaked, and even though it had constantly been raining, it was never where he was standing outside. Derek might not feel at home at his house, but the land felt like it belonged to him.
But it was Hale territory, and he was only a Hale in name these days.
“What about us?” Paige asked, her voice even softer. “I could go with you.”
“I don’t even know where I’m going,” Derek said. “I don’t even know where there’s a place for me.”
Paige turned her head away. Derek could smell the salt in the air, and he swallowed, feeling like something was clutching his heart.
“You should join Mom’s pack, the Hale pack. They’ll…they’ll be so much better for you,” Derek said in a rush, his voice a whisper. “Stuff keeps happening to me, and it’s not fair to you to have to feel it.”
Derek knew Paige had had nightmares about what had happened to him, the pain she had felt along the bond between them, and the fading awareness of him as his own pain grew. And it was so soon after the bond had all but disappeared during his three-day absence in the forest.
“You saved me.”
It was hard, but Derek reached out a hand toward Paige. He waited until she took it, and he squeezed her hand. He knew he should feel more than he did, but the emotions he did feel were ghosts. There and gone fleetingly.
Paige kept looking at him expectantly, clearly waiting for him to say something, but he couldn’t. The fact of the matter was that he didn’t want Paige to come with him. Derek wanted to do this alone because then he wouldn’t have to deal with the constant ache that came with being alone when he shouldn’t. If he were alone by choice, then it would hurt less.
“You’ll be better with Mom,” Derek finally said.
Paige watched him for a long moment before she pulled her hand from his, stood, and left the circulation desk. Derek watched her gather her things and walk out the door without saying anything else. He didn’t call out. He didn’t do anything but pick up another book and keep scanning.
“Hey.”
Derek raised his head. He didn’t know how long it had been. It was hard to tell when the rain kept pouring down. He blinked, his vision coming into focus to see Stiles standing there, bedraggled and in a suit that swallowed him whole. His eyes were red-rimmed, and Derek had a sinking feeling in his stomach.
“Hey, Stiles,” Derek said. “You okay?”
Stiles sniffed, a hand coming to scrub at his nose with the back of his hand. He was so young, so painfully young, that it made Derek feel like dust and bones in comparison.
“Yeah,” Stiles said, tightly crossing his arms over his chest. “I was, well. My Mom had a hold on some books she wanted to read, and she won’t need them anymore, so I wanted to cancel them.”
Derek watched in silence as tears began to fall across already damp cheeks. Stiles sniffed, raising his hands and rubbing them over his eyes again.
“I’m sorry,” Derek said, knowing it felt woefully inadequate. Whenever people had said it to him after the fire, it felt like useless platitudes, and it didn’t feel any better from the other side. “Funeral today?”
Stiles nodded. “So, uh…the books?”
Derek watched him for a second before he nodded and turned to the computer, bringing up the file and looking through the Stilinski family holds. “She only had one hold, a book on California Myths.”
Stiles nodded. “Sounds right. She loves…loved myth and folklore, always used to tell me stories about them.”
“You don’t want to read it for yourself?” Derek asked, glancing at the book. “I uh…”
He could see the hold on file, and he glanced at the list seeing that Mrs. Stilinski was second in line behind…Kate. Derek knew that she wouldn’t need it anymore.
“I can bounce you to first in line,” Derek said, looking back at Stiles. “If you wanna read it.”
Stiles started to shake his head before he stopped, looking down at his shoes. After a second, he gave a slight nod. Derek nodded back and didn’t say anything, setting about deleting Kate’s hold. He made a note to look up the rest of them as well. If there were books Kate was interested in, Derek wanted to know. She might be dead, but the Argents had always known more than they should have.
“What are you reading?” Stiles asked suddenly.
Derek turned, seeing the determined twist to his mouth and the stubborn set of his jaw. He had seen that look a thousand times on a face much older and more worn than this one.
“Ghost towns,” Derek replied, glancing to the side before picking up the book he had been reading and handing it to Stiles. “New hobby.”
“Why?” Stiles asked warily. “They’re abandoned, usually because the mines dried up or something.”
“They interest me,” Derek said carefully. “I know most of them are because the mine closed, but I still find it fascinating. All those towns left to rot.”
He wanted to tell Stiles the real reason, but this wasn’t his Stiles. He never would be, and more than that, he was a kid who had lost his Mom.
“Cool,” Stiles said, nodding his head. He wrapped his arms around him, beginning to shiver.
“Is your Dad waiting outside?” Derek asked carefully.
Stiles froze and shook his head. “He’s at the funeral home still,” Stiles said softly. “I couldn’t stay there anymore. That’s not my Mom there. It’s not.”
Derek watched as Stiles’s eyes began to fill with tears again, and he didn’t know what to do. “Have you heard of Dry Hill?”
Stiles frowned. “What?”
“Dry Hill, North Carolina,” Derek said, remembering the parts of the story he had read. “It’s an actual ghost town.”
Stiles frowned even more. “What?”
“1892, they were blasting the mountain to make a tunnel for the railroad. Something went wrong, and it blew up, wiping out every miner, and the fire spread to the town faster than anyone could handle, wiped out the entire town in less than a day, and killed 189 of 202 people,” Derek explained.
Stiles tilted his head to the side, but he didn’t say anything. Part of Derek wondered if Stiles was too young to know about this, but it was also Stiles, and the kid had always known more than he should have for his age.
“The 13 people who remained were all single, unmarried women,” Derek explained. “They lived in a house together and helped the workers out.”
Derek kept the rest of the story to himself. Somehow telling Stiles that those 13 women were prostitutes didn’t sit right.
“What happened to them?” Stiles asked.
“They went to live in different towns. All thirteen of them went to thirteen different towns,” Derek explained. “And then the towns they moved to went under and became ghost towns of their own. And it kept happening, no matter where the women went, the towns would soon start to crumble, or so history says.”
“And then what?”
Derek shrugged. “Most of the women got married, had kids, and moved on. Eventually, they were lost to history. No one can find any other information about the other women. But there’s a lot of stories about it.”
Stiles rubbed a hand over his cheek. “What sort of stories?”
“That they were witches and had burned the town down, or they were actually ghosts, and they had died in the fires as well,” Derek said with a shrug. “They disappear from the historical record. They’ve become something of an urban legend around there. Or so I can find out.”
“Do you know their names?” Stiles asked, looking interested. “Ghosts don’t exist, and people don’t disappear.”
“It was the early 1900’s,” Derek said carefully. He wasn’t sure about ghosts, but he knew people disappeared all the time. “That happens more than we wanted to admit.”
“I know, but I still wanna know,” Stiles said.
Derek bit the inside of his cheek. “There’s a record of one woman. The other two don’t have names I can find.”
“What’s the name?”
“Marci Amis.”
“That’s kinda boring.”
“What?”
Stiles shrugged. “Well, if she’s a witch or something, shouldn’t her name be Rosemary Apple cheeks or something? Marci Amis is a normal name.”
“I don’t think it works like that,” Derek said with a frown.
The door opened, and Derek looked up to see Mr. Stilinski walk in, bedraggled in a suit like Stiles’. The man looked old and worn, exhausted and sad, but it all faded when he saw Stiles. Derek saw the relief cross his face.
Stiles jerked around as the door banged shut. “Dad!”
Mr. Stilinski managed a smile. “Figured I’d find you there.”
Derek felt like he was intruding as Mr. Stilinski stepped forward and pulled Stiles into a tight hug. Stiles returned it, and Derek watched for a second, feeling something like longing overcome him, and he looked away, dropping his head down to stare at the scanner as he checked out the book Stiles wanted. He ignored the conversation between the two Stilinski’s, not wanting to interfere and not wanting to listen to the reminders of the family he didn’t have anymore.
“Hey,” Derek looked up to see Stiles standing there, shifting from foot to foot.
“Heading out?” Derek asked, handing the book to Stiles.
Stiles looked down at the book, running fingers over the cover before looking back up at Derek and nodding. “So, why’s it a ghost town?”
“What?”
“Dry Hill, you said it was an actual ghost town but didn’t say anything aside from people dying,” Stiles said, still shifting from foot to foot.
“Oh,” Derek said. He glanced around the desk and grabbed the book he had finished earlier. He handed it to Stiles. “Read for yourself, if your Dad is okay with it. It’s history, but it’s pretty dark. There’s a whole chapter on Dry Hill.”
Stiles looked down at the book. “Ghost Towns in the Appalachian Mountains. Don’t you need to check this out?”
Derek shook his head. “It’s my book. I’ve already finished it. Return it whenever you’re done with it.”
Stiles looked back up with wide eyes, staring at Derek in silence long enough for Derek to start to shift uncomfortably.
“Stiles.” Derek looked over to see Mr. Stilinski looking at his kid in amusement. “Say thank you, and let’s get going.”
“Thank you,” Stiles said, his voice cracking halfway through. His face went bright red, and then he turned, fleeing the library. Mr. Stilinski shook his head and shot a smile at Derek, waving goodbye, and then he was gone as well. Derek frowned at the door before looking back down at the books spread out in front of him and the piles next to him. He could hear people talking in low tones around the library, and Mrs. O’Connell was snoring, half-asleep in her office.
Derek shook his head, putting that all out of his mind as he reached for another book and started to scan it in.
“Derek.”
Derek stilled with the door half-closed as he turned to see his Mom standing at the bottom of the front porch steps, her arms crossed over her chest. She was dressed for the woods, jeans, rain boots, and a flannel shirt with a rain jacket on top, the hood up, but the ends of her hair were still wet.
“Hi,” he said, pulling the door closed carefully. It was late, and he didn’t want to wake anyone sleeping. He pushed the hood of his jacket down, ignoring the water droplets that slid down the back of his neck.
Talia nodded in greeting. “How was work?”
“Fine, thanks for dinner,” he said, fighting the urge to cross his arms over his chest. “It was nice having something warm.”
“No trouble.”
Derek began to shift from foot to foot as his Mom looked around, staring at everything before she finally looked at Derek, her face set in a determined mask.
“Go for a walk with me?” she asked.
Derek hesitated for a second before he nodded. He set down his bookbag on the porch, out of the rain, and pulled the hood of his rain jacket back up, stepping out. He shoved his hands into his pocket and followed his Mom as they headed into the woods. Derek kept his eyes on the ground, unsure what his Mom wanted to talk about, but he didn’t want to initiate the conversation. He had spent a few months trying to do that, and she had never responded. It was her turn to start.
The rain lessened as they got deeper into the woods before his Mom stopped and turned to look at him, crossing her arms over her chest.
“Paige came and talked to me.”
Derek nodded, turning to face her. “I told her to,” he said softly.
He didn’t know how to act around her these days, she wasn’t his Alpha, and their relationship had deteriorated, but at the end of the day, she was still his Mom, and it was complicated.
Talia sighed. “She told me why.”
“A year, and I’ll be out of your hair,” he said, rubbing the side of his neck.
“You don’t…that’s not…” Talia trailed off and sighed, planting her hands on her hips and dropping her head, shaking it from side to side before groaning. “I don’t want you to go.”
Derek could read between the lines. She might not want him to go but she wasn’t going to ask him to stay. He sighed, glancing up at her before looking at the ground. He kicked a rock. “It’ll be easier. And better. Maybe? If we can stick to text or something, and then I come back for Christmas or something. Like when Aunt Eliza visits.”
Derek glanced up at his Mom, hoping it was okay for him to come back at Christmas. He kept waiting for her to try and do anything, say something that would make it easier, but she was watching, her face blank. He didn’t know what she was thinking or what she saw when she looked at him. The past couple of months had been hard on all of them, and Derek knew they had trouble with what he had done to Kate. He didn’t know if it was the murder or the lack of regret that made them uneasy.
Even Laura and Jenna had been watching him warily since then.
“You’ve grown up so fast,” Talia finally said.
Derek hadn’t been expecting much from his Mom, but he was surprised at how disappointed he felt. “Kinda had to,” he said, wanting this conversation to be over soon.
He didn’t want to stand here and experience his own disappointment anytime he looked at Talia. He knew he wasn’t the same, and him becoming an Alpha had been difficult for her, but she wasn’t trying. She had given up on him that first day.
He wondered if she would have done that if it had been Laura, or Jenna, who had woken up an Alpha.
Talia reached up, a hand hovering over Derek’s shoulder for a split second before she dropped it and squeezed his shoulder tightly. Derek ignored the tightness in his throat, the devastation he felt. He watched as she nodded once and turned, walking back the way she had come without waiting for him. Derek knew he could follow. But the trees worked well to keep the rain off him.
And if he stayed in the woods, he wouldn’t have to face his family.
April 10th, 2005
“Derreekkkk,” Cora sing-songed as she leaned over the desk and grinned at him. “Guess what?”
“You’ve finally decided to join the circus with the rest of your people?” Derek asked, managing to smile at her.
Cora rolled her eyes. “That got old five years ago, no! You are looking at the new head of the afternoon reading for kids,” she said, standing up and puffing her chest out. “I’m taking over for Mrs. Whelan when she’s on maternity leave!”
Derek grinned. “Good,” he said, proud of her. “You always did the voices well for Gracie.”
Cora beamed at him, moving around the desk to fling herself into his arms, hugging him tightly. “I’m excited I get to see you more!”
Derek tightened his arms back, taking comfort from the closeness of his sister. Paige had been drawing away in the past few weeks, and their pack bond was strained. He knew he needed to talk to her and figure out what to do. He wondered if he could graduate high school early and go and find a place where he could build a future. But the thought of leaving Beacon Hills still made something cold settle in his gut.
He let Cora go before it started to get a little weird, smiling at his little sister. “Seriously, you’ll be good at this,” he said, keeping the subject away from how little time he’d been spending at home. And how little his Mom seemed to care that he was only home to eat dinner and sleep. He kept waiting for his Dad or someone else to comment, but while they all seemed glad to see him, they didn’t bother reaching out otherwise.
Cora grinned and hugged him quickly. “Thanks! I need to go get ready,” she said, hugging him once more before she left, darting off into the kid’s section where he could hear her start to talk to Mrs. Whelan.
“Gonna be a problem?”
Derek flinched and turned, seeing Mrs. O’Connell standing there with a raised eyebrow. “What?” he asked, wondering how she kept managing to sneak upon him.
“Got your work done?”
Derek looked back at the spread of books on ghost towns and the stack of books he needed to scan back in. “Working on it,” he said, throwing Mrs. O’Connell a grin over his shoulder. “Promise.”
He half expected to get yelled at, but she raised an eyebrow and turned without saying anything else. He watched her go, wondering if she would get one of the others and yell at him about that, but he could hear her talking to a patron who had stopped her to ask a question. Derek frowned, constantly confused by all three of them.
“Ohh, that looks interesting.”
Derek turned, seeing Stiles leaning over the desk, reading the book he had spread out even upside down. “Can you read like that?” he blurted out before he could stop himself.
“Uh-huh,” Stiles replied, eyes still scanning. “Taught myself so I could read upside down.”
“…why?”
Stiles finally looked up and shrugged. “Dunno, seemed like a good idea at the time. I can also write backward,” he said, beaming at Derek. “I finished your book, but I forgot it. Is that okay?”
Derek nodded. “Yeah, bring it by whenever you’re done with it. I got all the information I needed from it,” he explained.
Stiles nodded, bouncing slightly on his feet. “Oh, cool! Thanks! Dad is a little worried about the doom and gloom, so he might read it as well, but it’s not sad. I thought it might be sadder, but it isn’t. I mean, it is sad because a lot of people died obviously, but uh…yeah, well. I don’t know where I was going with that.” Stiles trailed off with a grin that seemed forced. “Sorry, I ramble a lot.”
Derek raised an eyebrow at Stiles, seeing so many similarities to the Stiles he had known that sometimes it took his breath away, but this kid was so young. And still so full of life and optimism. This wasn’t the same kid Derek had known. There was still the nervousness of youth, and Derek hoped Stiles could grow into himself as he had back in the old timeline.
“I get what you mean,” Derek said, pulling the book back and seeing what Stiles had read. “I always find it interesting to see where the people had moved after. One of them even moved to Beacon Hills or this area at least.”
Stiles perked up. “Really?”
Derek nodded. “I don’t know their name,” he said, flipping through the book until he got to a page. “The letter they had didn’t have a name because it had been damaged, so we don’t know who it’s to or from, but they had the envelope, and it was from Beacon Hills, back when this area was a waypoint for people traveling to and from Oregon.”
He turned the book with the photocopied letter, letting Stiles read it, the kid’s eyes widening. “Woah,” Stiles said, leaning closer as if that would allow him to read faster. “This is hard to read.”
“A little bit, yeah,” Derek said. “But basically, it’s an update. The woman met someone, or I’m assuming it’s a woman since the writer talks about meeting a man, and they had gone for a walk with him and were planning on a few more outings. It’s nothing well…it’s nothing really relevant without a lot more information, but it’s interesting to see a connection to here.”.
“That’s awesome,” Stiles breathed out, his eyes wide before he turned and bolted into the library. Derek could hear him in the history section, and he grinned, resigning himself to signing out a lot of books for Stiles. He wondered if Stiles would have more luck finding the name of the woman who had moved here.
“Excuse me.”
Derek looked up, freezing at the sight of a young Scott McCall standing there, his face uncharacteristically somber. “Hi, can I help you?” he got out, ignoring the way his voice cracked.
“Stiles said I needed to meet him here because he said I breathe funny and we can’t do sports because I could die, so we need to be smart, so I need to start studying, but I don’t know what to study,” Scott got out in a rush, his eyes wide.
Derek blinked at the onslaught of information. “Huh,” he said. “Well, what do you like?”
Scott shrugged a shoulder.
“What do your parents do?”
Scott perked up at that. “My Mom’s a nurse, and she helps save people! My Dad is an FBI agent, but he’s mean, and he’s gone because Mom said he drinks too much, so he needs to leave because she called him a …” Scott trailed off and frowned slightly. “A useless layabout. What’s a layabout?”
Derek blinked. “Uh, a lazy person,” he said, keeping his face blank. “Well, what about uh…” he trailed off, not sure if recommending anatomy textbooks to a kid was a good idea. “How old are you?”
“Ten! I’m almost eleven!” Scott said happily, smiling at Derek.
“And you’re in a class with Stiles?” Derek asked carefully, knowing Stiles was almost twelve.”
Scott nodded. “He’s the oldest kid, and I’m the youngest. Mom got…uh…special uh dispense to let me go to school early because she needed to work!”
Derek wondered if that had been the case in the other world, and if Scott had only been fifteen, that explained a lot more about Scott than it had previously. “Well, what do you like to do?”
Scott frowned, looking thoughtful for a moment. “I like playing with my dog! Well, except he’s gone because he kept making a mess, so Dad gave him away. Mom said he went to a nice family, but they’re far away, so I can’t see him anymore.”
Derek stared at Scott, wondering if his Dad really was that big of an asshole. “Well…that’s good,” he said, aware he now had a thousand questions for the Scott he had first known. “Well, what about animals then?” he asked, thinking of Scott’s original job. “You could always study animals and help them.”
Scott brightened. “Really?”
Derek nodded. “Yeah, you can help uh…take care of the sick ones?”
“Scott!”
Derek turned at Stiles’s yell, pressing a finger over his lips. “No yelling,” he said, keeping his voice at a normal level.
“Sorry,” Stiles stage whispered, running over and almost barreling Scott over. “You’re here!”
Scott nodded, smiling brightly at Stiles. “Yes! The librarian was helping me! I’m gonna study animals!”
“That’s not the librarian,” Stiles said with all the patience a pre-teen could muster. “That’s Derek Hale.”
Scott turned and smiled even brighter at Derek. “You saved Stiles!”
“I uh… helped him out of the woods,” Derek said lamely, not sure what to do with the bundles of happiness and energy standing right before him. They were so fucking young.
“And saved him! He could be lost still! He would’ve missed bedtime!” Scott said, looking aghast.
“But I didn’t!” Stiles said, beaming at Derek. “Derek saved me!”
Derek looked between the two of them and nodded his head slowly. “Well, uh. I’m glad you’re okay?” he said, cringing slightly. “But, indoor voices.”
Stiles nodded and grabbed Scott’s arm, dragging his friend into the library. Derek listened to them for a few moments, smiling when Stiles stumbled over Cora, the two of them talking for a moment before Scott cut in, the three of them speaking in hushed whispers that Derek didn’t even have to strain to hear. He heard Mrs. Whelan admonish them, but she was always the softest of the bunch, and it wasn’t that busy.
Derek stopped listening in and looked down, ignoring the pile of books he needed to check back in, and looked down at the scanned letter. He reached out and ran fingers over the looping handwriting of a woman who had survived the Dry Hill fire and had gone on and made a life for herself. She had lost everything, and she had moved somewhere new and started fresh.
Maybe Derek should try and find Dry Hill and see if he could figure out how to start new there. The book was pushing him in that direction, so it was a good place to start. He didn’t think there were packs in the Appalachian mountains, but they’d be small if there were. One or two betas, a small place to call his own, and he could be happy.
Derek pressed a hand over his heart where Kate had shot him a lifetime ago and closed his eyes. His family was alive, Kate was dead, and they were safe. He had saved them, and now he had a future stretching out in front of him. He pressed a hand over his face and leaned over, pressing his forehead against the book.
He could be happy.
Ok, so this was both awesome and sort of broke my heart. I am beyond thrilled that you continued it because I am invested, lol. I can’t help but think that Stiles has come back in time already, too; I wonder if that is clever writing or if I am just projecting. I guess I will find out in future stories, which I look forward to greatly! Thank you very much for such a lovely series.
I was kind of hoping but that would take some serious determination to maintain this childish facade so faithfully. Though I could totally see there being a hint in keeping Scott from sports. However, it also could just be that they are a bit young for high school.
Derek’s alienation is really heartbreaking. His mother is horrible. I really appreciate that Peter at least understood his actions.
So much Angst. Really enjoyed this, thank you for sharing
What a great start to your series! This is a great arc for Derek, who gets to learn that things aren’t as simple as he’d thought they were, and that getting what you asked for doesn’t solve life’s problems. I’m looking forward to the next installment!
This was beautiful. There’s such an interesting contrast between Derek’s happiness at having his family alive and heartbreak at losing them anyway. I definitely hurt right alongside him especially during every terrible interaction with Talia. I’m really looking forward to the other parts now.
You broke my heart with this one. I want to have such a talk with Talia. You saved Paige. I love listening to Derek’s thoughts as he interacts with this world.
Love the lady librarians who are probably something other.
Thank you
I really enjoyed reading this, though it was definitely heartbreaking. It makes sense that he wouldn’t fit, after everything he has gone through, but still so sad. I really liked the librarians!
This is great.
Poor Derek, time travel must be disorienting enough without being an Alpha without a pack.
Great story. Thank you for sharing.
I really enjoyed this story. It is unlike any Teen Wolf time travel story that I have read before. I liked the twists the story takes from the original time line. I really felt for Derek, he saved Paige and stopped Kate but it wasn’t the happily ever after you would expect. Loved the Librarians. And child Stiles interacting with Derek was great. I also enjoyed Derek being the only boy and how his sisters interacted with him. I’m so glad this is a series, I can’t wait to see what happens next on Derek’s journey.
Oh, what a lovely story! I think it’s the first one I ever read where it’s Derek who goes back in time. It’s difficult to see everyone so unhelpful – didn’t he have enough of that? In a way, even though his family is alive, his experiences are one of one trauma after another for a really long time and you picked that up beautifully. I hope he does find his way forward- he definitely deserves it.
Thank you for sharing.
Poor Derek, being on the outside when he hasgotten his family back again.
I was drawn to this fic from the moment I saw the summary. I have a weakness for the time-travel fix-it trope, and adding Sterek… how could I resist?
You know what I find so very interesting when I first read this fic? You defy the whole idea of “Everything would be perfect if X changed” Who hasn’t, either in fiction or in reality, told himself that if they could go back in time and change ‘this one thing’, everything would be automatically better? And the way you go into things, Derek changes the three things he always regretted most: Paige is alive, his family is safe, and Kate is dead (and Ennis too)… yet that doesn’t mean Everything is better. Like, yeah, of course those things are very good. But he still has issues with his mom, and he’s lost his pack. Things aren’t perfect just… different. As sad as some of it might have made me at times, I like that you handled things like that. It gave a depth to things that not everyone dares do, precisely because it tends to make things more complicated that some might prefer.
Also, kid-Stiles? So cute!!!
Oh, my heart. Poor Derek. I felt so bad for him. He was trying so hard. When he gave in at the warehouse it just about broke me. Fascinating story. I very much enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing.
This was beautiful, sad and painful but so beautiful. What an amazing opening to a series, poor Derek needs a hug and a mountain of therapy in any universe but there is a hopefulness. Thanks for sharing it with us!
Good story, thanks for sharing it with us
Really enjoyed this!