Reading Time: 138 Minutes

Title: All That We Are
Author: Meri
Fandom: Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: First Time, Future Fic / Post-Canon, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Science Fiction, Slash
Relationship(s): Christopher Pike/Leonard McCoy
Content Rating: R
Warnings: Canon-level Violence, Explicit Sex, Xenophobic speech (minor character(s)), discussions of child abuse (past), parental violence against a teen (past), mental health issues, drug-induced compliance (minor character).
Author Note: Note 1: I believe that canon is a suggestion, not a hard rule. Everything I write is an alternate universe.
Note 2: In my mind, Leonard McCoy looks like Karl Urban.
Beta: Grammarly & Text Aloud
Word Count: 91,603
Summary: Spock arranges for Doctor Leonard McCoy to do emergency, life-saving surgery after Fleet Captain Christopher Pike is severely injured when the baffle plate ruptures during a cadet training inspection. Eighteen months later, Pike and McCoy meet again, and Pike is still recovering from the accident and in varying degrees of pain.

The bond that spontaneously forms between them is powerful and profound. It changes the course of their lives. They will need to learn to navigate their new relationship and all the surrounding circumstances that come with the bond. Family and friends are there to help. And some surprising enemies want to take away what they have found.
Artist: Tpena19

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Chapter One – Through the Fear and the Darkness

After all his time on the Enterprise, Dr. Leonard McCoy had thought he’d seen just about everything. But Mr. Spock looking devastated was not something he’d ever expected to see. Especially not standing in his office doorway.

“What’s wrong? You look terrible,” Len said. That was probably not the way he should have started the conversation, but with Spock, he could never tell.

“Doctor, may I speak with you privately,” Spock said, barely above a whisper.

“Computer engage privacy protocols,” Len said. “Come in and sit down.”

“Thank you,” Spock murmured. He took a seat in front of Len’s desk.

Len bit back his natural impatience with anything that didn’t move fast enough for him. It was clear that Spock was struggling with whatever the problem was. And he could damned well wait until Spock was comfortable.

After a moment, Spock closed his eyes and then opened them to meet Len’s. Wrecked did not begin to cover the devastation in the supposedly unemotional Spock. Len was shocked that anything could do that to him.

Len also knew that Spock was letting him see this. “How can I help?” Len finally decided on, attempting to keep his voice gentle.

“You can help. But it’s not going to be easy. Do you know of Captain Christopher Pike?” Spock asked.

“Previous captain of the Enterprise? Now Fleet Captain.” Aside from his stellar reputation for fair and honorable service as a captain, Len knew very little about him.

“This morning, he was on a cadet inspection tour, and the baffle plate ruptured in the engine room. He rescued most of the cadets and then was caught in the lockdown. They beamed him out and into stasis. But no one can help with the radiation poisoning. The Enterprise is only 2.6 hours from Earth, where they have taken Captain Pike for treatment. You have the most experience in the galaxy dealing with delta radiation poisoning and the related surgery to eliminate it before it can disrupt the cells completely.”

That was probably true. Though, he did wonder how Spock knew about that. “You want me to do the surgery on him? I would be happy to do that. But how do you get us there?”

“My father is the Vulcan Ambassador to the Federation. When I heard about the accident, I called him and begged him to intercede. I hadn’t spoken to him in almost ten years. He knows Captain Pike. But without you, it won’t matter.”

There was no question, of course. “Get me there. I’ll do it,” Len said. “Pike means that much to you?”

“He does. I served under him for eleven years, four months, and five days.” Spock cleared his throat. “I would do anything I could to save him.”

Len wondered what Pike had done to inspire such devotion in Spock. But that was a question for another day. “Does Jim know that we’re heading back to Earth? And that I will have to leave the ship for a few weeks?”

“I wished to speak to you first.” Spock breathed out what could only be a sigh of genuine relief. He stood. “Thank you, Doctor. I cannot begin to tell you what this means to me.”

“I’m realizing that.” Len was already figuring out what he needed to do to secure the sickbay for someone else for at least a few weeks.

*****

A couple of hours later, Jim came in.

“Bones?” Jim said, sitting down at his desk with a sigh. “We’ll be in Earth’s orbit in about twenty minutes. They are waiting for you.”

“Thanks for doing this,” Len said.

Jim let out another sigh. “I was ordered back to Earth, so it wasn’t like I had a choice. Spock set it up. I had no idea he was so well connected,” Jim said. “Spock should have given me a heads-up.”

At least, Len had been asked. “He’s hidden behind that non-emotional persona for the whole time I’ve been on the ship. I could always tell that there was more to him than that. I just didn’t expect it to be this.”

Jim nodded. “I didn’t either. I had no idea he was that close to Captain Pike.”

“What do you know about Pike?” Len asked, curious.

“I’ve only met him a handful of times. First, when he was made temporary fleet captain for a mission, that was when I was still on the Farragut, long before our current five-year mission. He was a dynamic and diplomatic captain. Nice, too.” Jim stopped and thought about it for a moment. “My brother Sam thinks the world of him.”

“You say nice like it’s a pejorative,” Len laughed.

“I didn’t mean it that way. I meant nice, as in a genuinely nice man,” Jim said. “Which he is.”

Len nodded and wondered if there was something else Jim wasn’t telling him. “I’ll probably be gone at least four or five weeks. Possibly longer.”

“We’ll come back to pick you up when you’re done.”

*****

Len did eight hours of surgery on Pike. It was the most grueling thing he’d ever done. After stopping the radiation’s progress, he basically rebuilt the man, regenerating 30-40% of his body and sometimes making it up as he went.

And it was as successful as it could be. But that wasn’t going to be perfect or a cure. The man would have years of physical therapy to get through to walk again. All of those new nerve endings had to learn to work with the rest of his body again. That was going to be a long and painful process. It would take more willpower than most people had.

There was a room full of people waiting to hear the prognosis on Captain Pike when he went out to talk to them. His listed next of kin were his aunt and uncle, Amelia and Grant Pike, and his medical power of attorney was Dr. Phil Boyce, both of which surprised Len since, according to his records, both of his parents were alive. But family dynamics were not something he had to worry about.

Len took a breath. God, he was beyond tired. He cleared his throat, and the whole room went silent. “Captain Pike is alive. And will stay that way. Right Now, he’s in critical condition, but he’s stable. He will require more surgery and will be unconscious for as long as a week. We’ll do the secondary surgeries he needs before we wake him.”

A woman and man, both wearing wrinkled police uniforms, stood and looked like they might cry from relief. “Thank you so much,” she said in a voice that cracked with emotion. He assumed she was Amelia Pike. “When can we see him?”

“Even after he wakes up, he’s going to be on heavy pain drugs for weeks. And he probably isn’t going to remember you being there for a while. But you can see him once he’s in a room,” Len said. Both Pikes nodded their understanding.

“What is the Long-term prognosis?” A Vulcan asked. He was standing with a human woman, and Len recognized him as the Vulcan ambassador. Who he now knew was also Spock’s father.

“It’s going to depend on him,” Len said. “It’s going to take a lot of work, but it’s possible that he’ll walk again.” Maybe not without aid. But at least he’ll be upright.

“Thank you, Doctor McCoy,” Phil Boyce said, looking very relieved.

McCoy wondered again where Pike’s parents were. But ultimately, that was not his question to ask.

****

Six days later.

“Okay,” Len said. “Let’s bring him out of it.”

“Yes, doctor,” said Ed Barnard, the nurse specialist in the special burn unit where Pike was being treated.

Len was as exhausted as he’d ever been. It had been years since he’d spent this much time and energy on a single patient, probably since he’d been in Atlanta before he joined Starfleet.

He took Pike’s regenerated hand, which was still pink and new, and held it. He knew human contact would help him reorient himself. “Come on, Captain, open your eyes.”

Pike’s eyelids fluttered, but he did manage to open them the first time. He blinked a few times, probably clearing his vision. “See,” he croaked. “Can see.”

“Yes. Do you see me?” Len asked.

“Angel,” Pike said.

Len laughed. “Not even close.” He held up three fingers. “How many fingers do you see?”

“Three,” Pike said. “Saved me?”

“I hope so.”

“Thanks. Better than the vision. No machines,” Pike mumbled.

What the hell was that? Len wondered, but Pike was already closing his eyes.

*****

Every time Pike woke, he seemed surprised to be awake. He mentioned a vision several times and the lack of machines. Len couldn’t quite figure out what he was talking about. And it would be unethical to ask him anything while he was on such heavy pain drugs. Pike would probably spill his guts on all the classified information he had. There was no doubt there was a lot of that attached to Pike.

After about four weeks, it finally was time for Len to turn Captain Pike over to someone else for long-term care. He’d come to like Pike. His determination to make the most of the gift he’d been given made Len think he’d get through what was coming.

Len came in to say goodbye.

Captain Pike was sitting up against a mound of pillows. His colleagues, friends, and family had filled the room with plants, cards, flowers, and all manner of small gifts. A family member was always with him, especially when he was asleep, so he never woke alone. That made a huge difference when someone had such a horrific injury.

Pike looked good. He’d have some scarring on his body, and there was a thick scar that ran from over his right eye down his cheek. It would fade a little over time, but nothing could fix it completely. Len didn’t think it mattered because it was a sign he’d survived something catastrophic.

“I heard you’re leaving soon, Dr. McCoy,” Pike said. He was still taking substantial amounts of painkillers. And Pike would be for months. His body would heal, but it was a slow, steady process.

“Yes. I’m going back to the Enterprise today.” They should be in the space dock right now. Jim had mentioned that Spock had requested leave to visit Pike.

Pike had a small, sad smile on his face. “I miss my ship.”

“She belongs to Jim Kirk, now,” Len said gently.

“Oh, I know. It had to be that way. I still miss her.”

He wanted to ask what way it had to be, but no. Not ethical. “If you work hard, you’ll probably get to do an inspection tour next time we come back to Earth.”

“Don’t need to do one. I’m just happy to have survived this well. It’s so much better than the vision. I’ll walk again. No life support wheelchair for me.” Pike grinned. “I win.”

Okay. That was way too specific. But no, Len wasn’t going to ask. “You probably shouldn’t talk about that,” Len said gently.

“Probably not.” Pike grinned at him again. “Thank you. In case I haven’t said it before, because I don’t remember, thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I hope you meet me on your feet when I get back,” Len said. It would be a year or two, but he’d come back to look in on Pike when they returned to Earth.

“Tell you what, doctor, I’ll buy you dinner when you get back here. I doubt I can ever repay you for this –”

“You don’t have to do that. Nor repay me. Starfleet pays its doctors pretty well.” Not as well as the private sector, but well enough.

Pike blinked at him, smiling widely. “I would like to.”

“Why don’t we discuss it when I get back in town.” Len was sure that Pike was so drugged up that he probably wouldn’t remember Len, let alone the dinner offer.

Pike nodded. And the door chimed. “Come,” Pike said, and Spock came in. Len decided this was his exit ramp. He nodded to Spock.

“Thank you for all you’ve done, Doctor McCoy,” Spock said. And turned to Pike, “I’m glad to see you looking so well, Chris.”

“It’s so good to see you, Spock,” Pike said, still smiling. And he moved his hand to the edge of the bed. He couldn’t move a lot yet. Pike could sit up, but even that required assistance.

Damned if Spock didn’t take Pike’s hand. Well, that was surprising.

“Spock. Thank you for everything. But especially for Doctor McCoy,” Pike said effusively.

At that, Len let the door close behind him and gave them some privacy. With very few exceptions, he’d never seen Spock willingly touch anyone. Nor call anyone anything other than their title. What was it about Pike that inspired that devotion? Len was intrigued, but now was not the time to worry about it.

*****

Chapter Two – Comes The Slow Light

Eight months after the accident

Chris stopped just past the outer door and leaned on his crutches, listening to his admin, Derek Vance, deal rather pointedly with someone on the other end of the comm.

He noticed Chris standing there. “Good morning, sir,” Derek said. He’d been assigned to Chris when he’d started back to work last week. Derek was young, probably only in his mid-twenties, very pleasant, and eager to please. Derek’s administrative skills were somewhat less than Chris would have expected for someone at his level.

“I’ve moved back into my own house. Can you have my address changed?” Chris asked. “I’d also like to have it cleaned before I get home today. Can you see to that as well?” He knew there was a risk to being alone and had done all he could to mitigate it. Even if Phil Boyce was his best friend and a doctor, Chris could not stay with him any longer.

God, he’d missed having his own space and his own life these last eight months. Well, maybe five months. The first two or three months were a blur of pain and disorientation from the drugs he’d been on. There was still a lot of pain sometimes, but it was easing. And his mobility was getting better. It was time to start working on reclaiming his life.

“You’ve moved out of Doctor Boyce’s home?” Derek didn’t sound like he approved of that. Though why he would care, Chris could not imagine. “Is that even safe? To be on your own?” Derek asked.

“I think I’ll manage,” Chris said, sharper than he’d meant to be. Plus, he had a health monitoring cuff that kept track of his vital signs. If anything did happen, and he was injured, it would immediately report it and get him help. But if he was careful, then it wouldn’t be an issue.

“Yes, sir,” Derek said, sounding chastened.

Chris slowly made his way into his office and stopped. Even his ready room on the Enterprise hadn’t been this big. The antique wooden desk had been a gift from his aunt when he’d been promoted. He ran a hand along it. The smooth surface felt soothing under his fingers.

The desk chair had been custom-made to support his back and was comfortable to sit in for several hours. He pulled up his comms and started to go through them. Derek could probably screen them, but he’d rather go through them.

“Admiral Pike,” Derek said through the comm about twenty minutes later. His tone was still slightly tentative. “Captain Chin-Riley is here and asking to see you.”

“Send her in, please.” She was on his list of people who could interrupt him, but apparently, she wanted to be announced.

“Yes, sir.”

Chris stood and reached for his crutches. He was using the latest innovation in mobility-assisted devices. They were lightweight, with a broad, stable base and anti-fall shields. It didn’t stress his arms to use them. He had braces that massaged and supported his legs. All of it kept him steady and allowed him to walk without worrying about falling. Though it was slow going, by the time he got to the front of his desk, Una was there as well. He put one of the crutches against the desk and used that arm to hug her. “Una, it’s great to see you.”

She stepped back. “I’m gone for two weeks, and look at you, completely on your feet and back to work,” she said, smiling.

“It’s only part-time, but it’s been good for me, mentally,” Chris said. But he was thrilled to be walking upright. “Please sit.”

Chris moved back to his desk chair and sat down. Una dropped into the chair in front of his desk.

“What brings you to my office,” Chris asked.

“Just checking it out. Admiral.” She made a point of looking around.

Chris laughed. “Captain.”

She inclined her head. “That’s actually why I’m here. I’m going to be going out with the Yorktown in about a week. I’ll probably be gone for about ten to twelve months. Then, we’ll be back here for six months for a complete refit and upgrade, and then, finally, my five-year mission starts.”

Chris smiled at her. “Congratulations, Una. I’m so proud of you.”

She grinned back at him. “I’m very pleased with this. After everything, I wasn’t sure it would happen.”

“Oh, ye of little faith. The best first officer in the fleet, deserved to be promoted,” Chris said. “I’m going to miss you.” She’d been there the whole time he was in the hospital and recovering. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for me these last months. I am not sure I would have made it through everything without you, Amelia, Grant, and Phil.”

Una shook her head. “No thanks are needed between us. You would have done the same for me. And have, in other ways.”

Chris conceded her point with a nod.

“Tell me, are you really okay?” Una asked.

“I’m getting better. I doubt I’ll ever be what I was, but it’s going to be better than it is now,” Chris hoped she could feel his certainty. “But that seems so far away.”

“You, my friend, need to learn some patience,” Una said, smiling at him.

Chris knew it was unrealistic, but he wanted things to move faster than they did. “This is taking longer than I expected it to.”

“Since you expected to die, any amount of time will be worth it. You’ll walk unaided again. I know you will.”

“God, I hope so. But even this is better than I ever expected it to be. I’m not ungrateful. Nor am I ungrateful for the people in my life who have helped me get here.” He looked at her. “Does Amelia know you’re leaving?”

“I had dinner with her last night. She understood better than I’d thought she would. She still thinks you should be staying with her rather than being alone.”

“She and Phil both. I’ve never appreciated what it meant to be independent until the accident took it away,” Chris said. He was sure Amelia would arrive on his doorstep with dinner in the next day or two. She’d already said as much. And that was okay. He did appreciate all she had done for him.

“I understand that better than they do. You and I have spent our whole lives going from place to place, exploring, seeing all there was to see. I know this must be hard for you, but I also know that you’ll get back out there.” Her certainty bolstered his.

Chris smiled at her again. “It’s been a challenge. And yes, I have every intention of going back out into space as soon as I can.”

Una looked at her watch. “Okay, so I have to go. Let’s have dinner in a day or two.”

Chris stood up, moving slowly around his desk. She moved to meet him and hugged him quickly, and then she was gone.

After that, Chris sat back in his chair. She’d been such a good friend to him for all the years they’d known each other. He truly appreciated her help and companionship so much over the last few months.

*****

A week later

The doorbell chimed as he was working on his dinner. It had been so good to cook again for himself and not depend on a replicator. He was planning to experiment with all the foods of Earth before he was done.

He’d been expecting Amelia and Grant and possibly the twins to show up. Amelia and Grant had adopted four-year-old twins long after their children had grown, and Chris had gone into space.

Three times in the week since he’d left Phil Boyce’s house, they’d randomly showed up uninvited, well, without first letting him know they were coming. As they were his family, they were never uninvited.

“Come,” Chris called from the kitchen, and the door snicked open and shut. He could see it was just Amelia, dressed casually. “What can I do for you, Auntie?”

“You haven’t called me that in a long time,” Amelia said, smiling. She came in and took in what he was doing. When he stopped, she leaned over and kissed his cheek. “What are you doing?”

He laughed. “Isn’t it obvious. I’m cooking dinner.”

She looked startled. “Is that safe? How do you manage? Why didn’t I know you cooked?”

“Yes. I can stand in one place on my own for a long time. And I can take a step or two without the crutches. And the kitchen has been designed with trays that will serve what I cook and put on them. All the equipment is lightweight and perfectly balanced.”

Amelia nodded. “How long have you been cooking?”

“Most of my adult life,” Chris said.

She looked perplexed. “Have you mentioned this to me?”

“You don’t cook. It’s possible that I never said anything to you about it.” He couldn’t remember talking to her about it. “Una knows. I used to cook for my crew about once a week when I was captain.”

She nodded.

“Where is everyone else?” Chris asked.

“It’s just me tonight. I wanted to talk to you about something,” Amelia said. She seemed not entirely comfortable with whatever it was.

“Well, we can talk during dinner. Do you want to help me?” Chris asked.

She shook her head. “I don’t know how to cook at all. I’m good with a replicator.”

Chris grimaced. “I know that the replicator ended world hunger, but I would rather cook my own food.”

“I think anything that gets you to eat is a good thing,” she said, sitting at the counter in front of the kitchen.

“I’m lucky to be alive. I can live with being too skinny for a while.” He’d lost a tremendous amount of weight after the accident. Well, all that new tissue and muscle weighed a lot less than what had been there before.

“We are all grateful beyond words that you’re alive,” she said and sighed. “I talked with Una a couple of days ago.”

“She said she had dinner with you when I saw her,” Chris said. “I’m going to miss her.”

“I know. I’ve gotten to be good friends with her over the last several months. I had hoped something might be between –”

He snorted. “It was never going to be that way with us. We’re truly just friends, old friends, dear friends. But just friends.”

Amelia gave him a look that reminded him of Una. “She took a lot of leave to help you recover.”

“I know. Una was working for some of that time, too, and she was waiting for the Yorktown to come back in. So, she did have the time and the leave.”

“Which all makes sense on paper, but that went beyond friendship.” Amelia looked at him. “That’s what family does.”

Amelia had taken a lot of leave from her job as Chief of Police of San Francisco to be with him and help him recover. No one even questioned her. Grant, Chris’ uncle, had also taken leave.

However, what was between him and Una wasn’t up for discussion. “She is family to me. But I promise you, it’s based on friendship, and that’s all there is or ever was.”

“I guess so,” Amelia said sounding like she didn’t quite believe it, and then she was silent for a count or two. “What are you cooking, anyway?”

“West African Groundnut stew with chicken and basmati rice,” Chris said. “It freezes, and I like it. Interested?”

“Isn’t basmati rice Indian?”

“So? I love basmati rice with many things.” Chris grinned at her. “I’m trying to eat more. It’s ready.”

He had a tray that hovered, and he put their bowls on it and touched a button on the countertop. It served her a bowl and spoon. She put the other bowl down next to his place.

“Do you want some wine?” Chris asked.

“You can’t drink yet, can you?”

“Not yet. I’m not on any pain drugs during the day, but I still need them at night to sleep. At least, I’m completely off anything heavy.” He laughed. “In theory, I guess I could have a beer at breakfast, but I don’t think that would be a good way to start the day.”

“Probably not.” She shook her head. “And no, nothing alcoholic for me, either.”

He sat down across from her and tasted it. It was good. And he was hungry. They ate in silence for a bit.

“So,” Amelia said and looked down. “I’ve been reliably informed that I’m pushing too hard with you about not being alone. And even though it’s coming from a place of love, I need to back off.”

“Una?”

She nodded. “And Grant agreed with her.”

“I don’t think you expect me to argue with you, do you?” Chris was glad he was finished with dinner. He took a deep breath. “I am so incredibly grateful for everything you’ve done for me. I doubt I’ll ever be able to express how grateful I am.”

“I want to help you,” she said.

“You have. Dear God, I am not sure I would have survived this without you. I’m serious. Dr. McCoy might have saved me from the radiation, but you, Grant, and the rest of our family, as well as my friends, all stood by me.” Chris reached over and put a hand on her wrist. “I am standing here because you have already helped me. But it’s time to let go, and I need to do the rest on my own.”

“I’m never going to let you be completely on your own, but we, I, can back off. I know this hasn’t been easy for you. It must have been very hard to depend on other people for everything. Grant told me to put myself in your shoes. I can’t imagine what going from being a starship captain to lying flat on your back, unable to move, has done to you.”

“Truthfully, up until very recently, I hadn’t even thought about it. I was in so much pain most of the time that all I could think about was doing whatever I could to alleviate it. It gets a fraction better every day,” Chris said, trying to reassure her.

She breathed out a sigh of what sounded like relief. “I am so glad to hear you say that.”

“I can see the progress.” He stepped back without his crutches. “I can take a step or two without aid. Three or four weeks ago, I couldn’t take even one step without the crutches. And before that, I couldn’t stand without them. And before that, I was in a wheelchair.”

She nodded. “I know. You’ve done so well. I worry about you being alone.”

“I’ve missed being alone so much,” Chris said with a laugh. “I’m monitored and have this place as safe as the technology will allow. But, from now on, I need to make my way, on my own. That isn’t to say you can’t bring me dinner once or twice a week. I want to see you, Grant, Lily, and Lucas when they can find the time.”

“All right. We’ll work with twice a week for dinner. Maybe you can cook for all of us,” Amelia suggested. “I wouldn’t mind having this Groundnut stew again. It was amazing.”

“Do you want to take some home with you? I made a lot of it,” Chris said. “If you let me know when you want to come over, I’ll plan something special.”

“I’d love to take some home. I bet Grant would love it, too.” She looked at him. “We’ll let you know when we’re coming next time.”

*****

A few days later

Chris tried to take a walk every day. It got him out of his office and helped him loosen up his muscles. Sometimes, he’d sit outside and just enjoy the day for a while. The littlest things, the sun on his face, and the breeze in his hair reminded him of how lucky he was to be alive. As much as it still hurt most days, this was so much better than the vision of his future he’d seen in the crystal. And he was so grateful for his life.

He stood and turned to reach for his crutches to return to his office, and he saw Derek in the shadows, watching him. He was talking into a communicator.

That was very odd. As Chris watched, Derek faded further into the shadows of the building. He wondered what the fuck was going on with that. In the few weeks since Derek had been working for him, Chris had seen him several times outside when he was taking a walk and sometimes when he was coming back to his office from his PT session.

Once or even twice was a coincidence, but more than that said that Derek was following him or keeping watch over him, which was more likely. After seeing him around a few times, Chris had pulled Derek’s personnel file. But it was the same information that had been presented to Chris when Derek was assigned as an administrative assistant rather than the yeoman Chris had expected.

When he returned to his office, Derek was at his desk, as if he hadn’t been outside. Chris went into his office and picked up his padd. He typed in Derek’s name again. This time, he used variables in front and back of his last name.

Two names came up. Chris recognized the surname of the second one. It was the same as one of the cadets he’d saved. He brought up that record. Derek Swender-Vance had been chief of security on the Lexington and was now assigned to Chris’ staff, but it didn’t say how. Well, fuck.

He had a meeting in ten minutes, but he’d talk with Derek about that very soon.

It took Chris until the following day to circle back to talk to Derek about the record he’d seen. “Derek,” Chris said through the comm. “Can you come into my office, please?”

“Of course, sir,” Derek replied. He stood in front of Chris’ desk, not quite at attention.

“Sit, Commander,” Chris ordered.

“Fuck,” Derek muttered and sat down. “Apologies, sir.”

“For what exactly? Swearing? Or lying to me?”

“All of it. I told them you’d figure it out. Though, I doubt anyone thought it would be this fast,” Derek said with a sigh.

“Are you going to explain it to me?” Chris asked.

“I think the explanation is obvious. You’re back at work. There’s a confirmed threat.” Derek cleared his throat. “You’re not…ready to deal with what might be coming after you.”

As much as Chris would have wanted to deny that, it would be at least another year before he’d be ready to deal with any kind of threat to his person. And as grateful as he was to be alive and getting better, that fact still galled him badly. “Who put you in? And why wasn’t I told from the beginning?” Chris asked.

“That wasn’t my call. And I’m sure you can guess who put me in,” Derek said with a sigh.

“I’ll have something to say to him about that,” Chris promised. “Can you see if he can see me today?”

“Of course, sir,” Derek said.

Chris looked at him. “Are you going to continue to pretend to be my admin?”

“Yes, sir. That was the job I was hired for.” There was no hesitation or resentment in Derek’s tone. It was clear he had no problems with what he was doing.

“We’ll coordinate on what you’re going to do when I get back from seeing the Admiral,” Chris said. This didn’t feel right to him. But he needed more information before he could change it.

“Yes, sir,” Derek said and stood. “I’ll call his yeoman and see what they can arrange.”

“Today, please,” Chris said as Derek went out.

*****

“Thank you for seeing me so promptly, sir,” Chris said, keeping his tone in the polite range. Despite being an Admiral himself, Bob April still outranked him.

“Sit down, Chris,” Bob said, waving Chris to a seat on the sofa and sitting in the chair beside it. “I can’t believe you figured it out this quickly.”

Chris sat on the sofa and put his crutches to the side. Why Bob thought he wouldn’t figure something like this out was beyond Chris. For most of his life, noticing the details of everything around him kept him and his crew alive. “Two weeks is not quick enough. So, what is going on? I didn’t think I needed to be protected enough to put anyone from security on my staff. And if I was wrong, which I assume I was, why wasn’t I told sooner.”

Bob sighed. “There isn’t a lot that we know yet. Other than there is a credible threat –”

“All right,” Chris said, pinching the top of his nose between his eyes. “Tell me what you know. And what I need to be doing about it?”

“We’ve gotten some intel that the Terra Prime terrorist organization is becoming active again and has targeted you, specifically. We still don’t know all the details yet,” Bob said and held up his hand when Chris would have said something about that. “I don’t need to point out that there isn’t anything you can do about it. And now that you’ve gone back to work, we felt some extra security would be a good idea.”

Chris had heard of Terra Prime, of course. Anyone who studied Starfleet history knew about them. More than a hundred years ago, they tried to stop the formation of the United Federation of Planets, but Captain Jonathan Archer and the crew of the Enterprise NX-01 stopped them. “I thought Terra Prime had been disbanded years ago,” Chris said.

“As far as we can tell, it’s never been completely eradicated,” Bob said and met his eyes. “You know as well as I do that there are always some people who are isolationists, who think that only humans should be on Earth.”

“Yes, I guess I do.” Chris exhaled sharply. He’d grown up with that mentality from his parents. To say that it caused him no end of grief growing up with a completely different attitude from them, would be an understatement.

“There’s another aspect to their manifesto now, too. They are furious about the emergence of empathy on Earth,” Bob said, giving him a look that said he knew Chris didn’t want to discuss that.

Which was absolutely true. That was a subject Chris was never going to want to talk about. “Why bring Derek in as an admin rather than security. I would have accepted him as protection, especially with an explanation.”

Bob didn’t say anything for a moment or two. “It seemed like a better idea than an overt protection detail. We weren’t sure how you’d react to that. Most starship captains, even former ones, would have bristled at the idea of that much security.”

Chris sighed. That was fair enough. “All right, I need a yeomen or admin. It’s not right to make Derek do two jobs.”

“What if we got you an assistant or something to take care of the routine admin functions?” Bob asked, clearly trying to placate him.

The whole idea of Derek pretending to be his admin made Chris uncomfortable. “I think I could work with that, even a temp for a couple of months,” Chris said. “Why have Derek pretend at all? I know about him now and will accept him. His record says he’s a very competent security officer.”

“I’d like to keep him as your admin. It protects you and lets him have the freedom to move around without your security being obvious,” Bob said. “We’ll know in a few more months if the threat has been mitigated.”

“Why go to all the trouble?”

“Because we need to protect you,” Bob said, sounding slightly annoyed. “You may not think so, but you’re a big hero for saving those cadets at the near cost of your own life.”

Startled, Chris’ head came up. He’d never had a choice about what happened. “I was just doing my job.”

Bob chuckled. “Only you, Chris. You really are such a Boy Scout.”

“You know, I’m never going to forgive Una for that one,” Chris grumbled, looking down to hide his smile.

“Suffice it to say, Starfleet will not take any chances with your life. And there isn’t anything you can do about it. So, accept it with good grace,” Bob ordered.

“All right,” Chris said, realizing from Bob’s tone that he had no choice. “Something about all of this doesn’t quite feel right. I’m assuming the commander has a whole team keeping an eye on me?”

“Yes. And they will continue to monitor your comings and goings,” Bob said. “As I said, it will take a while to get more information. And, for the record, Derek Swender-Vance volunteered for the assignment.”

“I still have a problem believing he’d leave the Chief of Security on the Lexington to pretend to be my admin and babysit me.”

“You’re going to have to ask him about that. But I think you can guess his reasoning.”

“I did recognize the last name,” Chris said. He’d said that name, and the other cadet’s names, over and over for a decade before the accident happened. Stay the course, save the cadets, had been the watchwords that kept him going and sane in the time leading up to the accident.

“Agreed. Terra Prime is probably aware that we know about them, so it’s entirely possible that they will lay low for a while,” Bob said. “You’ll still need to tell him where you’re going and who you’re going with. He’s running background checks on everyone who comes into contact with you.”

Chris knew he’d have to work with his security rather than against it. “Fine. I’ll talk to Derek again, and we’ll work something out. I will hold you to finding me an assistant so that he’s not doing two jobs.”

There wasn’t much Chris could say or do about the situation right now. He stood and reached for his crutches. “All right,” Chris said. “Thanks for the update. I already pay attention to my surroundings. Which is how I noticed Derek in the first place.”

Bob just nodded as Chris left his office.

*****

Chris stopped at Derek’s desk. “Please come into my office, Commander,” he said, maneuvering himself into his office and sitting down in his chair with a sigh of relief. Chris had already spent too much time on his feet today. And he had PT in an hour. That was going to wipe him out for the rest of the day. But he needed to deal with this first.

“Have a seat,” Chris said when Derek looked like he was going to remain standing.

“What can I do for you, sir?” Derek asked, and he sounded a whole lot more competent than he usually did.

“You and I are going to have to come to an understanding about what is going on,” Chris said. When Derek opened his mouth to say something, Chris held up his hand. “I know I need to keep you. And Admiral April wants you to be my admin rather than taking the security position on my staff.”

“I’ve already established myself as your admin. There’s no reason to change that. I’m okay with what I’m doing.”

“You’re essentially doing two jobs. For which, you only get paid for one. That seems more than a bit unfair, not to mention violating Starfleet employment codes,” Chris said. “So, Admiral April is going to find a temporary assistant or admin for me. You’ll continue to pretend to be my admin. But that person should be assigned the routine admin tasks that need to be done.”

“All right,” Derek said, not looking at all pleased. “Can I assign one of my staff to you as an assistant?”

“That would just mean they are doing two jobs,” Chris pointed out. “I think we need someone who can actually do that work.”

Derek sighed. “I’ll talk to Admiral April and see if I can find someone and run a background check on them. I would prefer someone already in Starfleet. And they are going to be in the security office, not here.”

“I’ll let you work it out,” Chris said. “And thank you.”

“I want to make sure you are safe as you recover. Doing that is very important to me –”

“Dusty,” Chris asked.

Derek met his eyes. “She is my baby sister. And she is dear to all of my family. I will never be able to repay you for what you did for her,” he said earnestly.

Chris resisted the urge to sigh. He didn’t need to be repaid. “All right, Commander –”

“Don’t call me that, okay. I’m undercover, as it were, and you need to always remember that. That’s how this is going to work. I can go with you to meetings, walk with you to that diner you love, and generally have someone watching you at all times. But now that you know, you have to play along too.”

“It just seems disrespectful to you. You earned that rank.” That was part of what was bothering Chris about all of this.

“You know I did, sir. But this job is important. I volunteered for it.”

“I’ve been told. How did that work?” Chris asked.

“Admiral April sent out a private comm asking anyone who was the right rank if they wanted to do this. I was probably one of thirty people who put in for it. There might have been more. It came down to La’an Noonien-Singh and me. She was very put out when Admiral April decided it would be better to go with someone you didn’t know.”

“I would have listened to La’an better than I would have had an admin who I didn’t know,” Chris said. La’an would have been a better choice because they knew and trusted each other. It would take a while to get there with Derek.

“I wasn’t given a choice on how to play this,” Derek said. “I’m glad you know. Now, you can do what I need you to do to make this easier.”

“Like what?”

“Like telling me where you’re going and how long you’ll be gone. I have someone watching you from when you leave your house in the morning until you return there at night. You’ve got a top-notch security system, plus your health monitoring cuff, so once you’re inside for the night, you’re good.”

“What if I leave my house? I haven’t yet, but it will happen as I get stronger. I have family and friends I see frequently,” Chris said. He wasn’t happy about the level of surveillance, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to answer a threat.

“If you leave, you’ll need to call me or whoever is on call that night,” Derek said.

“All right. I’m not crazy about this, but it does make sense to be wary and to pay attention to my surroundings,” Chris said.

“This will be going on for months. But as you recover, you’ll be better equipped to deal with someone coming at you. At some point, it will only be minimal surveillance. Now, it’s full on.”

Chris sighed again. “All right. Keep me informed about what you know about the assistant.”

Derek stood. “Yes, sir.”

*****

The following week.

Chris stopped beside Derek’s desk. Now that he knew what was happening, he tried to be good about coordinating with Derek.

Derek looked up. “How can I help you, sir?”

“Just letting you know that there’s another psychologist coming today,” Chris said.

Derek just looked at him. “If this one lasts beyond the first session, let me know. I’m not doing another in-depth background check on any more of them until you decide you want to talk to them.”

“Wouldn’t doing it before they show up be a better idea?” Chris asked. Not that he said anything to any of them that could remotely be considered even sensitive, let alone classified.

“I did that with the first two, but you rejected them out of hand. So, it makes more sense to wait until you decide you will talk to one of them before I spend a lot of time on it. You’re not going to say much in your first session anyway.”

“How do you know me that well?” Chris asked. Derek hadn’t been on the job that long.

Derek just looked at him. “I’m paid to notice all the details and threat assess them. Did you think I’d missed that you don’t want to talk to any of these people?”

Yes, there was that. But Chris also knew that talking to someone about what happened would probably help him settle it in his own mind. Not that he was going to tell Derek or anyone else that. Also, without the requisite number of sessions, he wouldn’t be allowed back into space or even to work full-time. Which reminded Chris, Phil had said this person was someone his wife Adriana knew and thought would be helpful to him.

“I don’t remember this one’s name, but I’m pretty sure they are not in Starfleet,” Chris said.

Derek let out a long sigh. “Of course not. Please, don’t say anything to this one until you decide whether you want to talk to them. Seriously, I need to run a much more thorough background check on someone who is not in Starfleet, before you can say anything that could be remotely considered sensitive.”

“I’m sure that Phil Boyce isn’t going to send me someone I can’t trust. Even if I don’t want to talk to them,” Chris said. “Phil is the CMO for Starfleet.”

“I’m aware of that. I’ll talk to Doctor Boyce’s admin and find out the psychologist’s name and do a cursory check on them if they are not Starfleet,” Derek said, picking up his comm.

“Good enough,” Chris said. Then, he went into his office and sat down at his desk.

He’d been working for almost an hour when Derek interrupted him. “Admiral Pike,” he said through the comm.

“Yes, Derek,” Chris said.

“Dr. Carson is here to see you.”

The next sacrificial psychologist. “I’ll be right out.” He pushed himself to his feet and took hold of his crutches.

The door hissed open. Wow, that was not what Chris was expecting. The man was huge. His wavy black hair was dusted with gray and long enough to brush his collar.

“Doctor Carson, I presume,” Chris said, untangling his hand from the crutch to hold it out.

“Admiral Pike?” Dr. Carson said and shook his hand. Then he smiled, a genuine smile that made it all the way to his kind-looking, dark eyes.

“Please come in,” Chris waved toward the office, and turned to Derek, “Hold all my calls for the next hour.”

“Yes, sir. Everyone?” Derek reiterated. He did that, too, repeating back what Chris had said as if he were making sure Chris meant it.

“Unless it’s a dire emergency,” Chris said.

He nodded.

“Have a seat, Dr. Carson,” Chris said as he sat behind his desk. If he was going to do this, he was going to be comfortable for it.

“Whatever is good for you,” Dr. Carson said, sitting in the chair. “You can call me William, if you’d like.”

Chris shrugged. He didn’t think Dr. Carson would last any longer than the rest of them. “I am not enamored of talking about this kind of thing.”

“So I’ve heard from the five previous psychologists who tried to get you to talk to them,” Dr. Carson said. But he sounded amused. “Why is that?”

“Why is what?” Chris asked, looking at his padd. Maybe he could get some work done while he didn’t talk to Dr. Carson.

“Why don’t you want to talk to them or me? We’re here to help you,” Dr. Carson said. And his tone said he knew what Chris was doing.

“I’m fine,” Chris said, not looking up and trying not to sigh. Now, another psychologist was looking at him, trying to convince Chris to go through what had happened again. He wondered if maybe he needed more time before he’d feel like he could talk to anyone about it.

“Oh, I doubt that,” Dr. Carson said in a surprisingly good-natured tone, then stood. “Let’s go outside. It’s nice out. We can sit on a bench.”

Well, that was a new approach. Chris put his padd down and stood, reaching for his crutches. Even after a short walk this morning, he was willing to take another one. It would probably have to be shorter. “All right. There’s a path that leads off the Starfleet campus. Since I’ve finally gotten out of the wheelchair completely, I try to walk every day.”

“Are you sure walking any distance is good for you? It’s clear you’re not that steady on your feet.”

“And how will I get steadier, if I don’t walk as much as I can and use the regenerated muscles?” Chris asked, trying not to sound irritated. He didn’t need anyone else telling him how he might hurt himself by trying to get better.

“Point,” Dr. Carson said. “But you can easily push yourself too hard.”

“And I am wired and monitored so that I can call for help from anywhere,” Chris said, lifting his hand from the crutch to show his wrist monitor. “Or I could just sit down and rest for a few minutes.” Which he usually did when he was tired. And the more he walked, the easier it became.

“Let’s go,” Chris said. As he and Dr. Carson walked towards the outer door of his office, he stopped at Derek’s desk. “I’m going for a walk with Doctor Carson.”

“Yes, sir,” Derek replied and looked down at his padd to do something with it. He was probably alerting whoever was outside that they were coming out.

They exited the building and walked very slowly along the paved path. “So, ask your questions,” Chris prompted as they moved along.

Dr. Carson laughed. “Are you even going to answer them?”

“Maybe.” But Chris liked him. He didn’t seem to take himself that seriously. And instead of complaining when Chris wasn’t paying proper attention, he’d done something else. Something useful.

“Let’s start with how you’re doing physically.”

“Better than I had any right to expect, given what happened to me,” Chris said. Even if it was still very hard, it was so much better and so far beyond the life-support wheelchair vision.

“Which means what?” he asked.

“I’m completely out of the wheelchair. I’m upright and more or less mobile. I can walk and talk and see.” Chris was not ungrateful for all of that. It was just slow going, and he wished there was a way to do this faster. But apparently, healing was not something that could be rushed.

Dr. Carson nodded. “And you didn’t think you’d be able to do any of those things when you woke up?”

Chris saw the trap. He wasn’t ready to talk about that, not yet. But since Dr. Carson had gotten him to this point faster and more efficiently than any of the others, he didn’t want to push him off entirely, either.

Chris saw a bench. They hadn’t gone as far as he would have liked, but Chris had learned to recognize his limits. “I need to sit down for a minute.”

“Of course,” Dr. Carson said.

Chris sat down, and Dr. Carson remained standing.

Chris was torn. Part of him wanted to talk about what happened and work his way through it, but it was hard for him to trust someone enough to speak to them. He took a breath. “The first couple of psychologists were too soon. I wasn’t ready to talk about it yet. I needed to be farther away from what had happened. I’m sure you’ll agree there’s no forcing it.”

Dr. Carson nodded. “Of course. It has to be on your timeline, not anyone else’s. Go on.”

“A couple of the others they sent to make me talk about what happened,” Chris paused. “It felt like they thought they were…entitled to know my secrets. But I don’t sense that with you.”

Dr. Carson raised an eyebrow at him and looked, well, surprised. “What do you sense with me?”

That was another question he was not expecting. “That you’re solid. And possibly even trustworthy,” Chris sighed again. “I’ll concede that I need to talk about this. I can also do some of it without context, so I don’t violate my oaths to Starfleet.”

“You know that even if you told me classified information, I would be bound by my oaths as a psychologist never to speak of it to anyone.”

Chris could tell Dr. Carson believed he’d never say anything to anyone. That was unsurprisingly comforting to him. Maybe some of the others should have led with that, rather than going on about him needing to be honest with them, especially when Chris felt like they weren’t all that honest themselves. “I’m not going to be easy to work with.”

“I can see that already,” Dr. Carson said, looking amused with him, almost indulgent, which most people wouldn’t let him see. “But I’m willing to try if you will. You just said you needed to talk about it. Is there a place you want to start?”

Chris wasn’t quite ready to do that yet. Plus, if he said anything, Derek would likely have a fit. “I need to get to trust you. But on the plus side, you’re further ahead than all of the other psychologists. Put together.”

“Wow, they did not make a good impression on you, did they?” Dr. Carson said, not sounding as judgmental as Chris might have expected.

“I’m sure it was mutual,” Chris said with a grimace. “It might take a few sessions before we even get to the talking part.”

“I’ve got nothing but time.”

Chris could tell he meant that, too. But there were some things he needed to know before he would say anything. “Why don’t you tell me something about yourself.”

Dr. Carson shook his head, but he was smiling. “I think that is supposed to be me asking you that.”

“Why don’t we trade? I was born in Mojave Province and lived there until I was eighteen. Then, I went to Starfleet Academy. My parents greatly disapproved of this choice. However, I wanted to go into space more than I wanted their approval,” Chris said.

It was still hard to talk about that, even in a general sense. Chris would go for years without thinking about it or them or what they’d done. And then something brought it back, and it stung more than it should have. That probably meant he’d never resolved it and just ignored it. But now was not the time to worry about that.

“That must have been very hard for you,” Dr. Carson said.

“I will admit that it was. I made Starfleet my life. I was captain of the USS Enterprise for thirteen years. And then fleet captain for about sixteen months before the accident. There’s more to all of that, but that’s for another day. For now, tell me about yourself.” Chris looked at Dr. Carson and waited.

Dr. Carson was silent for a count or two. It was clear that he was thinking about it. “This is where you got the rest of them, wasn’t it?”

“Might be,” Chris said. “I like to know who I’m dealing with.” To the one, they refused to give him any information about themselves. That was probably how it was supposed to be, but it was not how it would work with him.

“I was born and raised in rural Georgia just outside Atlanta. I still live in Atlanta. I’m married to my high school sweetheart, Beth, and we have two kids. I have a brother, Robert, who I am not that close to. I also have a brother-in-law, Lenny, and I am very close to him. Interestingly enough, he’s currently the Chief Medical Officer on the USS Enterprise –”

“Doctor Leonard McCoy?” Chris asked.

“Do you know him?” Dr. Carson sounded pretty surprised by that.

“He did the surgery that saved my life,” Chris said. “I vaguely recall him being there for a little while after the surgery. I’m not sure how long that was. I was on a significant amount of pain medication at that time.” But yeah, Chris remembered him.

Dr. Carson nodded almost to himself. “Of course, radiation burns. I don’t remember the details anymore, but he lost a young patient very early in his career to radiation poisoning. There had been nothing he was able to do for her. Since then, he’s had a side project of trying to find therapies for and ways to mitigate the damage of radiation burns.”

“I can’t tell you how grateful I am for what he did for me. I hope to be able to thank him in person one day.” Chris did not believe in coincidence. How the fuck did he end up with Dr. McCoy’s brother-in-law as the only therapist that made him feel safe enough to talk to him.

After Dr. Carson had left him, Chris stood. He had a feeling he was being watched. As he scanned the area, he saw Derek watching him from across the green. He caught Derek’s eye and nodded. Derek made his way across the grass to him.

“I think this one might work out,” Chris said, picking up his crutches. “Or at least, I’ll do another session with him.”

“Good enough. You haven’t had a second session with anyone. Doctor Carson must have impressed you,” Derek said, falling into step beside him. “I’ll continue the background check I started this morning.”

“How long does it take to complete the check on Doctor Carson?” Chris asked. He wouldn’t schedule the next session until it was completed.

“I’m sure I can have a preliminary check completed in the next few days. The rest will take a few weeks. But given what I’ve seen already, I think it’s probably okay to talk to him.”

“Thanks,” Chris said.

*****

Chapter Three – My Heart Will Know You

Nine months later

Chris leaned on his cane as he watched the overhead view panels as The Enterprise navigated into the space dock. They had limped back from their last battle with a huge chunk taken out of the saucer section. Chris had only gotten the barest of details on the battle.

There wasn’t any ceremony, and he was there unofficially. He wanted to talk to Spock before he went on leave. He’d been told Spock would be heading back to Vulcan to visit his parents for a few weeks, and then he’d be working at the Academy with some of the rest of the crew for a few months.

If he got the chance, Chris also wanted to thank Dr. McCoy again for what he’d done for him, maybe without the drugs this time. He’d hoped to be walking unaided when he saw Dr. McCoy again, but nothing he did made the healing go any faster. It was very frustrating sometimes.

Chris waited as the crew began to beam down from the ship.

“Admiral Pike,” Spock said as he approached. He stopped before him. Surprisingly, he put both hands on Chris’ upper arms and gave the impression of smiling without actually doing so. “I am very pleased to see you upright.”

“Thanks to you,” Chris said, pleased to see Spock looking so well. “I know what you did for me. I appreciate it more than I can say.”

Spock stepped back, and the emotions emanating from him were suppressed again. “It was logical. There was no reason for you to suffer when there were means to alleviate it.”

“I’d resigned myself to it.” Truthfully, Chris hadn’t expected to wake up after the accident, not as himself or as anything that he recognized. That he had was a gift he would always be profoundly grateful for.

Spock cleared his throat. “I know. And if not you, then someone else.”

It would never be anyone else on his watch, but especially not Spock. Chris shook his head. “There was nothing else I could do.”

“Of course not, sir,” Spock said quietly. “I will see you again when I return from Vulcan. I am assigned to the Academy while we wait for the Enterprise to be repaired.”

“Call me once you know your schedule, and we’ll have dinner in a few weeks,” Chris said.

Spock nodded once and walked away.

“Admiral Pike,” Jim Kirk said, coming towards him, holding out his hand. “Good to see you up on your feet and looking so well, sir.”

Chris shook hands with him and smiled. “Thank you, Captain Kirk. I appreciate you lending out your CMO to help me.”

“Well, it’s not as if they asked me,” Kirk said, sounding faintly irritated, but he smiled at Chris. “But I had no problem with Bones fixing you up, sir. And clearly, he did his usual excellent job of it.”

That was a strange nickname. “Bones?”

“He calls me that for some reason,” Doctor McCoy said with a laugh as he joined them. “Never have figured out why.”

Kirk laughed, too. “They called doctors sawbones three-four hundred years ago. When I read that, I thought it fit your grumpy persona.”

McCoy snickered at Kirk. “Could be worse.”

“I need to get going, Bones. Call me when you check in to base housing,” Kirk said and turned to Chris. “It was good to see you, sir. If you don’t mind, I’ll let Sam know I’ve seen you. He’s been very worried about you.”

Chris smiled and nodded. “Thank you. I did call him a couple of times after the accident. But I haven’t had as much time as I would like to keep up with my correspondence. Give him and his family my best.”

“Will do,” Kirk said.

They watched him leave. Chris turned to look at McCoy. He’d vaguely remembered that McCoy was attractive, but Chris’ memory did not do him justice. His dark hair was just touched with gray at the temples, and he was tall, with broad shoulders. McCoy looked like he was made of lean, hard muscle. And to Chris’ surprise, just looking at him made his heart beat faster, and his hands start to sweat.

God, what was he, twelve?

Once in a while, a man had caught Chris’ eye, but the circumstances had never let him do anything about it. He knew already this was going to be different.

After a few seconds of silence, Chris met McCoy’s hazel eyes. Something passed between them, and it felt like recognition. But that was ridiculous, and Chris tried to shake it off with a deep breath. “Doctor McCoy, can I have a moment of your time before you go?”

McCoy looked at him, and there it was again, something flowing between them. “Of course, sir,” McCoy said.

“The last time I saw you, I mentioned I would like to buy you dinner,” Chris said. He didn’t want McCoy to feel like he was being ordered to have dinner with him.

The smile that lit McCoy’s face was definitely a positive sign. “I’m surprised you remember that. It’s been a while. And you were pretty dosed up on pain meds.”

“I wasn’t likely to forget what you did for me. Nor that I wanted to thank you properly for it.” Chris tried to make it sound as casual as he could. His heart was still beating faster than usual.

“You’re welcome,” McCoy said. “But you don’t have to buy me dinner.” That sounded like it was something he thought he should say rather than something he didn’t want.

Or at least, Chris hoped he was reading it right. “If you’re interested, then I’d like to,” Chris said, smiling at him.

“Well, now, Admiral Pike, are you flirtin’ with me?” The slight southern accent he normally spoke with became more pronounced.

The sound slid very pleasantly down Chris’ spine.

“I might be,” Chris said, heat spreading across his face.

Fuck, he couldn’t believe he was blushing. Like a damned twelve-year-old. For a second, he closed his eyes and took a breath, then Chris stepped back and cleared his throat. “Of course, you’re under no obligation to take me up on it.”

“I believe I’ll let you buy me dinner,” McCoy said. “Tonight, perhaps?”

“Absolutely,” Chris said. He was as eager as McCoy seemed to be.

That wide grin of McCoy’s made Chris believe that McCoy also recognized something in him. But that might be wishful thinking.

He mentally shook himself. “Or I could cook us dinner?” Chris held out his hand for McCoy to precede him.

“You cook?” He sounded incredulous.

“It’s been a good counter therapy to all the PT I’ve been doing,” Chris said. “Also, I used to cook for my crew every week.”

“Counter therapy makes sense. Why did you cook for your crew?” McCoy asked.

“It was a good way to get to know them in a casual setting. And knowing your crew makes them more cohesive when you need them to be.”

McCoy seemed to think about that for a moment. “I guess that makes sense, too. But I’d never thought about that.”

*****

They stepped onto the sidewalk outside the space dock. “It’s a long walk to my house, but I try and walk a mile or two every day.”

McCoy smiled and looked around. “I’ve been on a starship for weeks and haven’t seen the sun in God knows how long. I’m good for the walk, if you are.”

“We won’t be setting any land speed records,” Chris said, nodding towards his cane.

Slowly, they made their way across the city. The day was warm and pleasant, with the sun shining. They made casual small talk along the way. Finally, Chris’ house came into view.

“Nice,” McCoy said as they stopped at the stairs leading up to the entrance to Chris’ house. “I guess being an admiral pays better than I thought it did.”

“Nah. I inherited the house from my grandfather after I went to the Academy. And I’ve had the kitchen upgraded,” Chris put his hand on the sensor, and the door clicked open. “Come in.”

The interior bottom floor was an open design. It was not too dissimilar to Chris’ quarters on the Enterprise, with the kitchen as the centerpiece of the house. And there were bedrooms upstairs and a basement downstairs.

“Wow,” McCoy said as he took in the kitchen and whistled.

“What do you like to eat,” Chris asked.

That got a chuckle out of McCoy. “I think, at this point, anything that’s real food would be great.”

“French? Italian? Indian? Some kind of comfort food or something else.” Chris had made good on his goal to cook something from almost every cuisine on Earth. He loved to try new foods. And if it turned out to be tasty, he ate more of it.

“That’s quite a list,” McCoy said with a smile.

“As I said, I have been using it as therapy. If I cooked it, I’d eat it. So, it got me to eat when I didn’t want to. That helped put back on some of the weight I’d lost.”

“There’s nothing like southern comfort food, is there?” McCoy said and looked him up and down. “You’re still underweight, aren’t you?”

“Yes, probably ten pounds.” Chris thought about what he had in the house. “I could fry some chicken, collard greens, buttermilk biscuits with gravy?”

“Oh, good lord, I’d marry you for that,” McCoy said.

Chris laughed at the horrified look on his face. “Well, I think there are a few steps we’ll need to take before we get to that,” Chris said. But some part of him couldn’t deny that the idea made his heart squeeze in a very appealing way. “It’s going to take a bit to cook all of that. And to be honest, the collards are flash-frozen. It takes hours to make it right.”

“I’m not going to notice the difference, I promise you,” McCoy said. “Can I help?”

“Can you cook?” Chris asked. Most people relied on the replicator for food.

“Not in the slightest.”

“I’ll take care of it,” Chris said. “Why don’t you sit at the counter and talk to me while I cook. Do you want a glass of wine? Or a cocktail?”

“Bourbon?” McCoy asked with a smile.

“How would you like it,” Chris said, reaching for the bottle in his cabinet. He held it up. “Good?”

“Very good. Just some ice will be fine with that.” McCoy’s smile after he’d taken a sip of his drink was delighted. “Delicious. Thanks.”

Chris poured himself some wine. Then, he took a breath and let it out slowly as he started to pull some ingredients and pans out of his cupboards.

It had been years since he’d felt any kind of attraction to anyone, and this was so much more than simple attraction. He stole another glance at McCoy, and damn, his heart was pounding again. Aside from his initial surprise that it was a man, he was delighted to feel something like this again, and he couldn’t wait to start exploring it.

*****

Len put his silverware down on his plate and sat back. Damn, that was so good. Not only the food, which was perfectly cooked, delicious, and everything comfort food should be, but also the conversation was entertaining. It had been so long since he’d had such a pleasant meal without any concerns about anything else.

And the company was delightful. Over the past year and a half, Len thought of Christopher Pike now and again, wondering how he was doing. He’d had a vague idea that he might check in on Pike when he returned to Earth. Len had not expected him to be standing there when he got off the ship, and truthfully, he hadn’t expected Pike to be standing at all. That he was said a lot about his determination to be doing so, and Len could only admire that.

“Thank you for dinner. I haven’t had anything that good in years,” Len said, trying to stifle a yawn. The good, rich food, the excellent bourbon, and the lack of sleep were going to derail anything else he might have wanted for tonight. And that disappointed him more than it probably should.

“It’s the least I can do,” Pike said, smiling at him.

Len could argue with him, but arguing was the very last thing he wanted to do with Chris right now. “Next time, dinner is on me. But I’m not going to cook it. We’ll just have to go out.”

“We can do that,” Chris said. “You’re in town for at least a couple of months.”

“Yeah, that hole in the saucer section isn’t going to be easy to fix,” Len said, grimacing at the thought of the battle that caused it.

“Gives us a bit of time,” Chris looked at him. And then down. “If you’d like.”

“I would. I thought I’d made that clear.” Truthfully, Chris had had him with that adorable blush. Something about his still being able to blush at his age, and with what he’d been through, that did something sweet to Len’s insides. He hadn’t felt this kind of tug of attraction…well, ever.

It also didn’t hurt that Chris was such a good-looking man, with that whole silver fox thing going on and a smile that went all the way to his blue eyes. And there was such strength in him. It called to Len in a way nothing ever had. But there was something more. Something Len wasn’t quite ready to acknowledge yet.

“Never hurts to make sure. I’m not in your chain of command, but –”

“Yeah. There’s that. You outrank me by quite a lot. But I’m a doctor, so,” Len shrugged. The chain of command for doctors was different. Between that and who he was, “They can’t do much to me.”

“It could still be awkward,” Chris pointed out.

“I’m not sure I care.” Len slid off the high seat at the table and offered a hand to help Chris to his feet. “How do you feel about being kissed right now?”

Chris put a hand on the back of Len’s neck and urged him forward enough for their lips to touch and hold for a moment. “Thrilled,” Chris said against his mouth.

A shiver went through Len. Oh God, he had not expected that. Beyond being hot and sweet, it warmed something deep inside him that he had never noticed was cold.

Len drew back and then leaned in again, his hand sliding onto Chris’ neck. This time, he held it for a little longer. Chris’ mouth was soft and molded to his. His lips seemed to cling to Len’s and then let him go. Heat slid pleasantly into his belly, along with a feeling of rightness. It felt like he’d done this a hundred times before, even though he hadn’t.

Carefully, he put an arm around Chris’ waist and drew him closer. Even though he was thin, his body was surprisingly more muscular than Len expected. But given how hard he already knew Chris pushed himself, that probably shouldn’t have been a surprise.

“How tired are you,” Chris asked. And there was an outright invitation in his voice.

“I’ve been awake for more than twenty-four hours. So, pretty damned tired. Time-lagged, too. But I don’t want to leave,” Len said regretfully. Something was telling him this needed more time. They needed more time. “I guess I should.”

Chris kissed him again, and this time, instead of pulling back, Chris pushed deeper into him. His arms tightened, and his tongue pushed into Len’s mouth. Len’s body tensed in a very appealing way as the kiss went on, need pooling in his gut, trying to push the exhaustion out.

With one of his hands framing Chris’ face and the other wrapped tightly around him, Len shivered at the taste of Chris’ mouth. He was pretty sure he could go on kissing Chris for a long time, letting the desire slowly build until it couldn’t be ignored anymore.

Eventually, Chris pulled back some and whispered against his lips, “I could kiss you for hours.”

“Oh, dear lord, yes.” Len breathed out. He didn’t want to let him go. “I could do other things for hours as well. I guess I should mention that it’s been years.”

“Me too,” Chris said, pausing and closing his eyes for a moment. “I knew what was coming –”

Len’s mouth dropped open as shock and horror washed over him. “You knew about the accident? And let it happen? Why? How?”

Chris looked down. “I vaguely remember mentioning it. And that you didn’t ask at the time. I appreciated that a lot. I probably would have told you anything you wanted to know.”

“I knew that. It would have been beyond unethical to ask any questions unrelated to your health,” Len said. He would never have done that, no matter how curious he was. “Can you tell me?”

“Truthfully, I’ve always considered it my secret. I can tell whomever I want, especially now that it’s already happened. It’s the context that is classified.”

“But you knew what was coming. How long?”

Chris nodded. “For almost a decade.”

“My God, how did you live with knowing that?” Because that defied the imagination. Facing death was the human condition. Facing it with that kind of certainty for ten years before it happened was the stuff of nightmares.

“Because I had to. Because to try and avoid my fate, I would have doomed someone else to it. And he is needed in the future. He’ll do great things,” Chris said simply.

Len could guess he meant Spock, and it explained so much. “How did you find out?” he asked.

“I needed a time crystal,” Chris said. “I went to the Klingon world of Boreth and got one.”

“Their legend says that comes only with a great sacrifice,” Len said and saw Chris’ eyes widen. “What? I took a galactic mythology class as an elective at the Academy.”

“That’s kind of esoteric,” Chris said, smiling.

Len just shrugged. He was interested in a lot of different things. “Go on.”

“That was how I found out about the accident. I touched the crystal and saw and felt the accident happen,” Chris said with a shiver. He closed his eyes for a moment. “I was told that I could walk away and possibly change my future. But if I took the crystal, my fate would be sealed. I needed the crystal bad enough to seal my own fate by taking it.”

“I’m terrified to ask why you needed it,” Len said. He already knew it had to be catastrophic.

“All sentient life in the galaxy would have been destroyed if I didn’t have it,” Chris said.

Catastrophic was right. “Wow. Why doesn’t anyone know about this,” Len asked.

“It’s classified. So much so, it’s treason to even speak of the reasons.”

There was no doubt in Len’s mind that he was telling the truth. “I can’t imagine what living with that would be like. What it did to you.”

Chris gave him a half smile. “It didn’t do much for my love life. As the years went on, I couldn’t let myself get too close to anyone. Suffice it to say, it’s been years for me, too.”

Len kissed him again softly, trying to offer what comfort he could. “Right now, I don’t think I could do either of us justice. I’m that tired.”

A slight smile formed on Chris’ face, and he asked, “Do you want to stay? I have several guest rooms or–” He met Len’s eyes. “Anywhere else you’d like to sleep.”

Something was happening here, and Len was afraid if he left, he’d lose it. Besides, that offer was too tempting to turn down. “I haven’t slept next to someone in even longer. I would love that. I need a shower and something to sleep in.”

Chris smiled. “Yeah, me, too. And I need to clean up here.” He waved a hand at the kitchen.

“At least I can help with that,” Len offered and then yawned again.

Chris shook his head. “Go up and take a shower. My bedroom is the big one directly in front of the stairs. And I have sweatpants and T-shirts in the bottom drawer in the built-in clothes unit. I’ll be up in a few minutes.”

*****

Chris watched as Len went up the stairs. Part of him wanted to go up those stairs with him, but Chris needed a few minutes to himself. It had been a long time since he’d talked about Boreth and the need for the time crystal. He started to clean the kitchen.

And Len. In his entire life, Chris had never responded to anyone as he just had. Maybe he should be terrified, but he could not remember being this eager to be with anyone. Ever.

A little while later, they settled into Chris’ bed, holding each other and exchanging gentle kisses like teenagers. It was soft and tender and not anywhere near as awkward as it should have been. There was still a lot to discuss, but they were both on the verge of sleep. Len turned onto his back, and Chris laid his head on his shoulder and drifted quickly off to sleep.

Sometime in the early morning hours, Chris woke with a start. His right leg was spasming, and he needed to get up and stretch it out. He had to sit up first, but he couldn’t even move enough to massage it. He tried to ease out of Len’s embrace without waking him, but that proved impossible. The man was like an octopus. In the future, he could see that he would love sleeping with him, but not right at this moment.

Finally, he just had to move away and stand.

Len’s eyes opened. “What’s wrong?”

“Leg spasm. I need to stretch. I should have done it after the walk yesterday. It’s fine,” Chris gritted out.

“Doesn’t look like you’re fine.” Len sat up and put a hand on Chris’ hip. “Let me help you. Lie back down, flat.”

He did that. It was hard to hold still. Len pressed his thumbs hard into the base of the spasm.

Chris sucked in a breath. Damn, that hurt. But even as he thought it, the spasm was easing. So much faster than stretching would have done. The relief was amazing.

“Oh God, thank you. I swear, I’m never going to let you go home,” Chris said without thinking, but there was part of him that already knew the truth of that.

Len laughed. “I could be all right with that.”

“I could, too,” Chris said. “But there might be a few things to discuss first.”

“I don’t want to analyze it that much. I just want to revel in it.” Len’s hands moved away. “Okay now?”

Chris wanted Len’s hands back on his body, and he definitely wanted to revel in it, preferably sooner rather than later. “Yes. Thank you. That was so much better than I could have done for myself.”

“I’m glad to help you. Do you need to do anything else?” Len asked.

“If I had stretched out yesterday, it probably wouldn’t have been a problem.” Chris could not regret the time he’d spent with Len rather than doing his exercises.

“But instead, you stood for an hour to cook me dinner. Helping with that was the least I could do.” Len’s hand slid down his leg again. And the touch held just the slightest hint of something else.

“Now that you’re awake, you could do other things. If you wanted to,” Chris suggested.

Len grinned at him, his fingers moving slowly up over Chris’ hip and onto his waist to touch bare skin. Chris shivered. “I could. If you’re feeling up to it,” Len said.

“I am. I want you. Any way you want that to happen.” And Chris didn’t just mean sex. But that would be nice, too.

“I am right there with you, um…” Len said and shrugged.

“You know my name,” Chris said.

“I also know that I need explicit permission to call you by your first name.” Len was smiling, but it wasn’t a joke. This was going to be their life.

“You’re in my bed, wearing my clothes, which I’m hoping to take off you very shortly,” Chris pointed out with a laugh. “At this point, I think we’re well past even mentioning rank protocol.”

“Okay, Chris. I like the sound of you taking off my clothes,” Len said. “So, Len, or if you’re feeling formal, Leonard. Never Lenny. Only my momma gets away with calling me that. Though my sister tries it sometimes. And her husband as well.”

“Len, it is,” Chris agreed, reaching out to pull him a little closer.

Len leaned over to kiss him deeply, his tongue sliding into Chris’ mouth, retreating, and coming back again. He rolled them until he was on top of Chris.

Chris leaned up into the kiss, eager for more. His stomach tightened in anticipation as arousal slid through him.

“Are you okay with this? What are your limitations?” Len asked between kisses.

“I am thrilled with this. And you. Aside from some weakness on my right side, which requires the cane to walk anything more than short distances, I don’t have any,” Chris said and sighed. “Well, I’m not as bendable as I used to be. And there’s scarring. Especially where the regenerated and non-regenerated skin meet.”

“I don’t care about the scars. It’s a sign of your strength and determination that you survived something so catastrophic,” Len said, leaning down to kiss him tenderly, the backs of his fingers gentle against the scar on Chris’ face.

Chris cleared his throat and put a hand on Len’s chest, pushing him back slightly and meeting his eyes. There was something that had to be said. “If we do this…”

“I know,” Len said soberly. “I want it. I want you so badly.” Len kissed him again.

“I’ve never felt anything like this,” Chris admitted when he pulled back. “I want it, and you.”

Len leaned down and kissed him again, deeply.

After a few more long kisses, Chris started working Len’s T-shirt up over his upper body and then over his head. He needed to touch, needed to feel the hard planes of Len’s chest and back under his hands and his mouth.

Len kissed his neck and then somehow managed to get his T-shirt up so that he could kiss down Chris’ chest slowly. He arched against Len’s mouth.

Len didn’t linger long. He was nuzzling Chris’ stomach, then moving lower, he took hold of Chris’ sweatpants with both hands and pulled them off completely. Chris breathed out, trembling as Len took him into the wet, warmth of his mouth.

“Oh God, please,” Chris ground out. There was no restraining his loud moan or the thrust of his hips. He felt completely out of control.

Len’s hands spread his legs, and one finger pressed into him just a little bit. “Lube?”

“Bedside drawer,” Chris said without thinking, but what Len might have wanted startled him. He was not ready for that yet. He opened his mouth to say something, but Len shook his head.

“Not yet. I know it’s too soon. But slippery fingers are good for many other things,” Len promised.

Chris huffed out a laugh and relaxed. A slick finger eased slowly into him. God, that felt good. Len’s finger was long enough so that when he moved it, sparks of pleasure jolted through Chris’ body. He moaned delightedly, definitely wanting more of that feeling.

Len bent his head back down, sucking him, pleasure washing through him. Chris whined softly, thrusting up into his mouth. Desire built in him quickly, and after a moment or two more, a rush of pleasure tightened in his belly and pushed him over the edge.

That was amazing. It took a couple of seconds to catch his breath. Len was holding him, and Chris kissed him. He already loved the feel of Len’s lips moving on his own, plush and soft. He could do this all day long.

He shifted a little to give himself some maneuvering room. And then slowly started down Len’s body, kissing, licking, and biting softly as he explored his way down. Chris wanted to taste every inch of him. From Len’s response, he seemed to be doing pretty well with it.

He slid Len’s sweatpants down, and took him into his hand, and then licked him and then again. Salty, sweet, sweaty, and altogether sexy and delicious. He opened his mouth and took Len in as far as he could, while continuing to stroke with his hand.

How had he gone his whole life without trying this? He knew what he liked, which should have helped, but he lacked practical knowledge. Annoyingly, it wasn’t as instinctive as he felt it ought to be.

At first, Len seemed to be trying to hold back thrusting into his mouth. But after a few more minutes, Chris could feel him move more quickly and stiffen around him. As Len started to come, he touched Chris’ head, and he lifted off him, continuing to move his hand up and down.

“Fuck,” Len swore as he came, and it caught the side of Chris’ face. He laughed and used a finger to wipe it and put it in his mouth. Warm and slick. Next time, he’d try and swallow.

“Ah, darlin’, that was lovely,” Len said, his fingers carding through Chris’ hair.

Chris leaned into his fingers, for a second and then cleared his throat. “I probably should have mentioned that I hadn’t done that before.”

“I probably should have asked. I enjoyed your first attempt quite a lot. I don’t have much more experience with men than you do. I had a boyfriend in high school, and he taught me a thing or two. But there’s not been much after that,” Len said. “I guess we’ll learn together.”

“I guess so,” Chris said, and he couldn’t wait to learn more. “I liked doing that –”

“I could tell you liked it,” Len said, smiling. “I am sure that I’m going to love whatever you want to do to or with me. Given everything, we’ll probably have to take things slowly.”

“Maybe,” Chris agreed reluctantly. He wanted to try everything now. But given the reality of his physical condition, that probably wasn’t realistic. “I think we need to practice as much as possible.”

“Anything you want, Admiral.” Len laughed.

“Oh, you are not going to call me that in bed, especially not when we’re naked,” Chris grumbled, trying not to smile at him.

“Not quite naked,” Len pointed out.

With a laugh, Chris pulled off the T-shirt he was somehow still wearing. Len did the same with the rest of his clothes and then lay down beside him.

Chris tightened his arms and just held on. Skin-to-skin was wonderful. Pleasantly sated, and with Len in his arms, he went back to sleep.

*****

Late the following afternoon, Chris was cleaning up from their very late breakfast. It had been delightful to spend all morning in bed with Len. Chris smiled just thinking about it. His hands and mouth were learning all the tastes and textures of Len’s body, and he couldn’t wait to get him back into bed for more exploration.

Len’s communicator went off for the third time that day, breaking him out of his pleasant thoughts about what he would do with Len later tonight.

“Are you going to answer that?” Chris asked.

“Nope. I’m on leave for the weekend. We’re on Earth. No one needs me,” Len said, lying back down on the sofa. “It’s probably Jim wanting me to go drinking with him. Which means that he wants me to babysit him while he drinks.”

Chris wasn’t sure what to make of that. “He drinks that much?”

“No. We’re good friends. But sometimes, he feels he has a say in what I do in my off time. Suffice it to say, he won’t take this well.”

“How is it his business?” Chris asked, coming around the kitchen island to sit beside the sofa.

Len shrugged, but he sat up and leaned in to kiss Chris. “He’s my captain. And I’m his CMO.”

“And you’re good with that?” Chris asked when he pulled back.

“Jim is like a way too smart, sometimes irritating younger brother. I can’t do anything about it. I signed on for the five-year mission,” Len said and sighed.

“Is there a problem with that?” Chris asked. Beyond the obvious, he meant. In far too short a time, they would be separated for two years. The thought of that already felt wrong to him.

“Not really,” he said. “I need to honor my commitment. What I’m saying is that we’ll be apart. I think that will be very hard.”

“On the other hand, we don’t know where this is,” Chris waved his hand between them. “Is going to go.”

Len leaned over and put his hand on Chris’ neck to draw him closer, then kissed him softly. “Yes, we do,” he said as he pulled back.

On the one hand, Chris was so not ready to even think about that. “Not yet,” Chris said, pushing himself to his feet. On the other hand, given what they’d already done, it was not going to go away. “We haven’t even talked about it yet.”

“I’m not ready for that, either.” Len’s tone held a definite whine. “I just want to enjoy it for a while. I want to enjoy you for a while.”

The comm went off again. “Answer it. Put Kirk out of his misery.”

“Fine,” Len got up and picked it up. “Are you sure you want to let him know where I am? There is no way he’s not going to ask.”

“What can he do?” Chris shrugged.

“I guess we’re going to find out,” Len said, flipping it open. “McCoy here.”

“Bones, where the hell have you been? Are you okay?” Kirk’s tone held a certain amount of demand and no small amount of worry.

“I’m fine –”

“Put it on your view screen so I can see you,” Kirk said.

Len looked at him, and Chris pointed to the big screen unit on the end of the kitchen table. Len plugged it in. And damn, Len was still wearing his clothes.

“Where the fuck are you?” Kirk said, looking surprised and slightly amused. “And what are you wearing? Is that an Academy T-shirt? It’s from about thirty years ago.”

“He would be at my house,” Chris said, stepping into the picture. He realized somewhat belatedly that he was also wearing sweats.

Kirk’s mouth was hanging open, and he looked absolutely shocked. “Oh my God, since when?”

“Since I got here,” Len said, looking and sounding chagrined. “I know it’s quick –”

“Bones, you realize that he’s three full ranks above you, right? Do you know what that means?” Kirk looked at both of them. “Both of you.”

Fuck. Chris put a hand over his face. “Thank you for the reminder, Captain.”

“Sorry. It can probably wait until Monday if that makes you feel any better –”

“What are you talking about?” Len asked, with a note of irritation evident.

“Consent forms,” Chris said.

“As in, you both had better have them on file as soon as possible,” Kirk said.

“Fuck. No. It’s none of anyone’s business,” Len said, folding his arms over his chest.

Chris wished it were that easy. “We’re both in Starfleet. We have to follow their rules.”

“He’s an admiral, Bones,” Kirk said. “Even if you want to ignore the rules. He can’t.”

“Captain Kirk is right. I have to follow the rules on this. I should have thought of it sooner.” God, what was he thinking? Oh, right, he hadn’t been.

Kirk looked like he was enjoying himself too much, and he did something with his padd. “I just sent them to you. Sign them and send them to your favorite admiral who is not Admiral Pike.”

“I hate you a lot right now, Jim. Just wanted you to know,” Len grumbled.

“I’m not the one who is sleeping with an Admiral. Or wearing his damned t-shirt.” Kirk laughed at that.

“Well, it’s not like I have any other clothes with me,” Len said.

“You should have checked in sooner, and then you’d have some,” Kirk laughed again. “Look, call me when you check-in. I’ll talk to you later. Kirk out.”

*****

“He was way too amused by this,” Len complained. “I thought he’d be angry.”

“Why would he be angry? He cares about you,” Chris said, pointing out the obvious.

“I know. ” Len sighed.

And Chris moved towards him. “We should talk. And we will need to fill out the consent forms before Monday. I’ll file them with Admiral April.”

“You’ll need to explain.” Len sighed. “How are you planning to do that? We’ve known each other for two days.”

“I have no problem with the explanation,” Chris said. Though, how he was going to convince Bob April that this was a lot more than just a one-night stand, he had no idea. “You are not in my chain of command. As a doctor, I have no say over anything related to the work you do or your career. There is no coercion on either side. This is just paperwork to make everyone happy.”

“All right, I guess we’ll have to do it.” Len sighed again. “I just wanted to enjoy this for a little bit longer without the world interfering.”

Chris sighed, too, and took Len into his arms. He put his face into the side of Len’s neck and just breathed in his scent. “I’d gone to the ship docking to look at the damage and see Spock and maybe thank you for what you’d done for me. Then there you were, and I felt something happen between us.”

“I felt something as well,” Len said, sliding a hand under Chris’ shirt to touch the bare skin of his back, his fingers sliding up and down his spine.

“I don’t want to let it go,” Chris murmured. Len was the partner he’d always wanted in his life without ever realizing that he wanted it. In fact, if someone had asked him a week ago, he would have laughed at them and said he was happy just as he was.

Len leaned in to kiss him. “Maybe tomorrow, I should go check into the base housing and change my clothes.”

“Or you could just stay here,” Chris suggested. That would give them more time together. And Chris felt like they needed that time.

“Just like that?” Len looked surprised, shocked even. But his hand on Chris’ back didn’t pull back. In fact, his fingertips played down Chris’ spine and then dipped below the waistband of his sweats.

“What better way to explore this? And we did say we needed practice,” Chris said, moving back against the hand now caressing his ass. “I don’t believe my instincts are wrong about you. We need time together.”

Len was quiet for a moment or two, and then he nodded. “You’re right. I’ll check in, then bring my clothes back here.”

“That would be perfect.” There was some part of Chris that could not believe that he’d just asked a man he’d only known for a few days to move in with him and another part that could not believe that it had only been a few days.

He turned into Len and kissed him deeply, his hands moving under Len’s clothes to explore his warm skin, and then moved lower to explore other things. “We should go upstairs now,” Chris said.

Len gently pressed him back to lean against the back of the sofa and pushed his pants down, kneeling in front of him. “I think it’s too late for that,” Len said before taking hold of his hips and bringing him forward so Chris could slide into his mouth.

“Oh, God,” Chris groaned, pushing into Len’s mouth. Despite how many times he’d done this in the last thirty-six or so hours, he was on the edge almost immediately. And Len’s mouth was relentless. As the need rose in him, Chris gave in easily, moaning.

After a second or two, Len kissed the hollow of his hip and stood up, his sweatpants tented.

“I can’t kneel like that,” Chris said. “Let’s lie down on the sofa.”

“Is that going to be okay for you?” Len said, starting to take off his pants.

“Let me,” Chris said, pulling off his own pants and shirt. He reached for Len’s pants and got them the rest of the way down, but he lost his balance when he tried to bend down to get them off Len’s ankles.

Len grabbed at him, but he was off balance from having his pants around his ankles, and they both ended up on the floor, tangled in his clothes, laughing hysterically.

“Are you all right?” Len asked, gasping for breath but also sounding worried.

Chris took a deep breath and tried to stop laughing. “Yes. I’m fine. That was really clumsy. I’m usually more careful.”

“I wish I could say I was more graceful, but I’m not,” Len said, standing up and pulling off the offending pants. And his T-shirt as well.

Chris sucked in a breath. He had seen Len naked several times, but standing in the afternoon sun, he was long-limbed and sleekly muscled, and Chris wanted him so much. “Lie down on the sofa now,” he said, his voice husky. Len reached out a hand and helped him climb to his feet. At least nothing hurt. Or not any more than usual.

Len did as he’d asked, and Chris lay down on top of him, kissing him softly and then more deeply. The sofa was wide, and there was enough room for him to maneuver down Len’s body and take him into his mouth. Chris was beginning to get the hang of it and loved the taste of him. It pleased and aroused him no end to hear Len swear as he came in his mouth. It was still a little weird to swallow, but he knew he’d get used to it soon enough.

*****

Late the following afternoon, Len finally made it out of Chris’ house and to his temporary quarters. There wasn’t much there. Most of his belongings were either still on the ship or at his momma’s house in Atlanta. He’d never accumulated a lot of things. All of his clothes were packed into one container.

The door buzzed. Len had sent Jim a quick comm that he was checking in.

“Come,” he said.

Jim came in and smirked at him. “Really, Bones, an admiral? Especially that admiral.”

“I don’t want to talk about it. It’s still too new,” Len muttered. He wanted to keep it to himself and savor it for as long as possible.

“How on earth did this happen? When I saw you both at the docking on Friday, I didn’t think you knew each other.” Jim was smiling.

“We didn’t. Not really. I don’t know how it happened. All I know is that it did.” And he didn’t want to talk about what he thought it was. It felt too important to try and explain it to anyone, even Jim.

“I’m happy for you, really. Maybe you won’t be so grumpy all the time,” Jim smiled, and his eyes were crinkled with his glee. “On the other hand, I’ve never seen you with a man. Do you even know what to do with one?”

“Just because you don’t see something doesn’t mean there weren’t a few here and there. But I’m a doctor, and I’m sure I can figure it out.” He hoped that he and Chris would continue to figure that out together. Along with everything else. Fucking consent forms, too.

Jim waved a hand at him to sit down, which he did.

“What?” Len asked when Jim hadn’t said anything else.

“So, you’ll see him until the ship is ready?” Jim asked, and there was something else in his voice that Len couldn’t quite identify.

“Yes. How did you know that?” Len asked. But Jim had a weird way of knowing things.

Jim snorted. “It was pretty clear that you and he are, well, hot for each other.”

“Do you have a problem with that?” Len asked.

“Of course not. Like I said, I’m thrilled for you. But I just can’t help worrying about the ship. I know you’ll stay, if you can, but I have this feeling that I will be looking for a new CMO soon,” Jim said, the humor entirely gone from his tone.

“I signed on for the full mission, and I expect to finish it. The Admiral expects me to finish it as well.” Len couldn’t believe he actually had to say that.

Jim looked surprised by that. “I assumed –”

“I’m sure he could get me out of it, if I asked. But I would never ask. I honor my commitments.” Len said, trying not to get irritated with the conversation. “You should know me that well.”

“I do, and I appreciate that,” Jim said. “I truly hope it works out for you. You deserve someone who cares about you in your life.”

Len let out a sigh. “I am not happy at the thought of leaving him for two years right after I’ve met him, but I think we’ll work it out.”

“Well, being an Admiral means he can go wherever he wants,” Jim said. “I’m betting we’ll be seeing a lot of him.”

“I hope so. The Admiral already means a lot to me.” More and more, with each passing minute, and Len was good with that. At some point, he and Chris would need to acknowledge the why of it. But not yet.

Jim was quiet for a moment and then nodded. “I can tell he feels the same way about you since he’s asked you to move in with him.”

“What? How did you know that?” Len asked, surprised.

“You’re not unpacking. You’re repacking. So, you’ll keep your quarters here, but go live with him for the three or four months that we’re here.”

Len had long ago stopped asking how Jim figured things out. He just always seemed a step ahead of everyone else.

*****

The next day

“Admiral Pike,” Derek said, sounding a little strained. “Admiral April is here to see you.”

“Send him in, please,” Chris said with a sigh. He had expected to hear from Bob once he saw the consent forms, but Chris hadn’t expected him to show up in his office an hour after he’d filed them.

Chris pushed himself to his feet and met Bob in the middle of his office. “What can I do for you, sir?”

“Cut the crap, Chris,” Bob said. “What is going on with this? I didn’t know you even remembered Doctor McCoy. He was gone before you came off the heavy pain drugs.”

“I met him again when the Enterprise docked on Friday,” Chris said, biting back a sigh.

“Today is Monday.”

“Yes, sir. I know what day it is. Let’s sit down?” Chris waved him to the conference table.

“You need to get a more comfortable sofa,” Bob muttered as he sat at the table. “How did you get involved with him this quickly.”

Chris gritted his teeth and breathed out. It would not do to get angry. “Is there a problem with the forms, sir.”

Bob glared at him. “If you think calling me sir will stop me from asking about this, you’re gravely mistaken. I want to make sure you are not being –”

“How can I be coerced?” Chris asked, trying hard to keep his tone in the respectful range. “I’m the one with the rank and the power. Though really, he’s a doctor, so I don’t have that much power over his career.”

“A doctor you have reason to be grateful to,” Bob said as if he was saying something unknown. Or a surprise.

“And I am. But I only vaguely remember that doctor. The man I’ve met since then is who I am interested in,” Chris said, his tone hardening. “And I don’t see how this is anyone else’s business but mine and his.”

“I was shocked to find it in my inbox this morning. This came out of the blue,” Bob said as if he hadn’t heard what Chris had just said.

“Bob,” Chris said. Maybe it was time to try another tact. “What do you think? Suddenly, I’m incapable of knowing what I want. That being injured has somehow lessened my mental capacity?”

“No. Not at all, Chris. But the injury and the long road back has taken a toll on you,” Bob pointed out.

And in some ways, Chris conceded, he wasn’t wrong. But it wasn’t his judgment call to make on this. “I don’t disagree that it’s been hard. And it will likely continue to be hard for a while longer. But I am perfectly capable of deciding who I want to spend my time with. And really, this isn’t about that. It’s about everyone questioning my decisions. Something that would not have happened before the accident.”

“No. It’s about you suddenly acting out of character. In all the years I’ve known you, and you’ll have to admit it’s been many, many years,” Bob paused and looked at him.

Chris nodded. It had been more than twenty years. Bob probably knew him as well as any of his friends.

“I’ve never known you to do more than casually flirt with a man. I am having some trouble believing that you’ve developed such a deep attachment to Doctor McCoy in just three days.”

Chris’ annoyance ratcheted up another notch. It didn’t matter if he’d never been with a man before. It was his right to do it now. “You don’t get to judge me or my relationship with Doctor McCoy.”

“I’m not judging you at all,” Bob said, looking a little shocked, probably by his outraged tone. “But three days isn’t enough time to even start a relationship.”

“Oh, fuck it,” Chris said through his gritted teeth. He resented having to say this, but, “It was much quicker than that, Bob. It was maybe three minutes. And it’s the deepest emotional attachment I have had to anyone. Ever.”

Bob’s head came up sharply, and he looked startled, but finally, there was understanding in his eyes. “Possibly like the attachment I have to Sarah?”

Sarah and Bob had a documented empathic bond. While Chris knew exactly what was between him and Len, he didn’t want to even admit that was possible. And yet, here he was, being forced to admit it. “Yes. I think it might be similar to that.”

“Does it go both ways?” Bob asked, sounding tentative about that.

“Yes. I know that it does. I know it. Do you understand what I’m saying?” Chris said.

“I do now. This will have a profound impact on your life and his.” But Bob sounded pleased by that. “It’s going to change everything for both of you.”

“I’m not ready to deal with that in any way yet,” Chris admitted with a small smile. “It was a surprise.”

“Of that, I have no doubt. And from everything I’ve heard, it will be harder for both of you because you’re both older.”

Chris wasn’t ready to think about that, either. “Getting back to the real subject here. You and everyone else need to back off. I’m not saying I’m completely healed or totally fine, but I am much better, and I need to be able to make whatever mistakes I’m going to make without interference and on my own.”

“We care about you, Chris. And we’re worried.”

“I appreciate the care. I am truly, deeply grateful for what everyone did for me that helped me get back on my feet. The support meant everything to me. But now,” Chris said, feeling like he’d been fighting this battle for more than a year. “Now, I’m good.”

Bob nodded. “I think that is going to be easier said than done. I’m sure Amelia is going to have something to say about that. And this, too.”

“Yeah. She has,” Chris said. “But she and I have already had this conversation more than once. And she does understand what I’m saying. I’m hoping you do, too.”

Bob laughed. “I do. Apologies if I overstep. It’s out of concern.”

“I know,” Chris said with a sigh. How did anyone argue with that?

*****

Two days later

Chris’ office door pinged. “Come,” he said.

“Your admin just let me come in,” Len said, coming in and looking around. He whistled. “This is some office you’ve got here, Admiral.”

Chris sighed. He hated that Len called him Admiral like that. But in this context, it was appropriate, he supposed, so he couldn’t complain. “The view isn’t bad.”

Len ran his hand along Chris’ antique desk. “Real wood. Nice.”

And before Chris could get up, he came around and leaned on the desk near his chair. Chris stood, and he leaned over to kiss Len. “What brings you here?”

“You. Honestly. I’m on my lunch hour. Of which, I have been reliably informed that I will continue to get maybe ten minutes unless I leave the building. So, I walked over here to check on you. How did your PT go?”

“It still hurts to do it,” Chris said honestly, pleased that Len would come by like this.

“It’s probably going to hurt for a long time,” Len said.

“So, I’ve been told.”

Len maneuvered him gently in front of where he was leaning, and he ran his hand over Chris’ right hip. “Still sore?”

Chris closed his eyes. He wasn’t used to this. “Not bad. I walked back from PT, and that helped loosen up the muscles.”

Len murmured, “Come ‘mere.” He held open his arms, and Chris walked into them.

Chris leaned down and kissed him, just savoring the feel of Len’s soft, hot mouth under his. He wanted to sink into it and revel in the delight of Len’s touch. But Len needed to get back to the hospital. And he had work to do. So right now, Chris would indulge in a few more kisses before he had to let Len go, and he tried not to think about what they might do later. Or he wouldn’t get anything else done.

He urged Len to his feet so that he wasn’t leaning over, which strained his back. One of his hands strayed into Len’s hair, and the other tightened around his waist. Len’s hands were on his back and ass, drawing him closer. Chris moved against him, murmuring his approval.

“Chris, I thought we had –” Phil Boyce came in without knocking. “Holy fuck!”

“Well, that’s an interesting response,” Len said, pulling away slightly and laughing.

“I guess it was,” Chris said, reluctantly stepping out of Len’s arms to look at Phil. “What? Don’t you knock?”

Phil winced at him. “Not with you, Admiral. And I didn’t expect to find you wrapped around one of my doctors.”

“Surprise,” Chris said with a smile. He didn’t remember that they had any plans for the day. “What are you doing here?”

“We had lunch plans. Check your calendar.”

He glanced at the padd on his desk. Yep, there it was, blinking at him. “Apologies. I was distracted.”

“I need to get back to work anyway, especially if my temporary boss is here. Hi Phil.” Len grinned at him.

“Len. I can’t tell you how surprised I am to find you here.”

“Not any more surprised than I am at being here. I’ll see you later, Admiral.” Len leaned in and kissed him quickly. Then he nodded to Phil as he passed.

The door hissed shut. And Phil looked like he might pass out. “What the fuck was that?”

Chris smiled at him, trying not to look too pleased with himself. “That was me kissing Doctor McCoy.”

“How long has this been going on?” Phil asked.

“Slightly less than a week.”

“That did not look like a kiss from a relationship that was only a week old.” Phil looked upset. “What is going on with you?”

Chris sat down at his desk, and Phil slumped into the chair in front of his desk.

“I don’t know,” Chris said with a deep sigh. “I took one look at him, and I wanted him. Fortunately, he felt the same. He came home with me from the Enterprise docking.”

Phil blew out a breath. “I would ask if there was some coercion –”

That was not what Chris wanted to hear this morning. Or any morning. Why did it keep coming up? “No coercion. I promise you. We’ve filed the consent forms.”

“Probably not a bad thing,” Phil said. “It doesn’t hurt to formalize your consent.”

“It wasn’t like I had a choice about the forms. Bob April came by and talked to me about it on Monday. About an hour after I filed them.”

“Do I even want to know what he said?” Phil asked. But he didn’t seem surprised by it. Not like Chris had been.

“He was kind about it. But he seemed to feel that I could have been coerced as well. I’m not sure where he could have gotten that idea from.”

Phil shrugged. “I don’t know, either.”

Something in Phil’s tone gave Chris pause, like he was lying. But not quite that overt. “What aren’t you saying?” Chris finally asked.

“Nothing. But think about it. This was very quick. And well, good-looking though Len is, you’ve never shown much interest in men before now.”

“Or it might be that the right man hadn’t come along yet.” Chris couldn’t understand why everyone was so concerned, especially about it being a man. He took a breath and tried to reign his annoyance back under control. “He didn’t push me. And I tried hard not to push him, either.”

Phil sat back and held up his hands as if he were trying to ward off Chris’ anger. “I’m just worried about you.”

“You and everyone else need to give me some space and understand that even if I’m making a huge mistake, it’s my mistake to make. But I know this is not a mistake. I know it.” He met Phil’s eyes and tried to convey how much he felt this wasn’t a mistake.

That got a surprised laugh out of Phil. “Oh really? Are you going to admit that you’re –”

Chris cut him off. Even among friends, there was so much risk in admitting that. “No. Not yet,” he said. “But I think that’s what’s between Len and me. I can feel that what I’m feeling is returned. He is the one.”

A part of him was absolutely shocked he’d said that out loud. But it felt so good to say it and know it was true.

“Have you told him about your family?” Phil asked.

“Not explicitly. He’s been living in my house for a week, and he hasn’t made the connection yet,” Chris said, shaking his head. “I told him I inherited it from my grandfather, which is true, and he just accepted it.”

Phil laughed, seeming to relax a little. “You know, I can see that about him. He’s laser-focused on what he’s doing. It must be interesting to have that intensity directed at you.”

“Interesting is one way to put it,” Chris said, smiling a little. Yeah, that intensity was amazing. “He tries to take care of me. And I don’t know what to do with that.”

“Maybe let him do it, and just enjoy it?” Phil was thoughtful. “Even if you don’t admit it, you’re empathic enough to know if someone means you harm.”

“He might be a little grumpy sometimes, but there is no harm in him,” Chris said, looking at his watch. “Do you want to get some lunch?”

“Are you okay?” Phil asked.

If there was one thing he did know, that was it. “I am. That’s not to say that I wasn’t surprised by this. But you know, I think Len and I will figure it out together.”

“Do you mean the sex part?” Phil asked. “I’m still having trouble believing you’ve found your soulmate in a man.”

“I’ve always believed that it’s the person, not what kind of body they come in. Sex with him is already better than anything I’ve ever had before, no matter who it was with or how skilled.” And he and Len were getting better at it, but there was still some fumbling around and a lot of laughing. They still needed a lot more practice.

Phil whistled again. “You know, I’m happy for you, my friend. You, of all people, deserve this.”

“Thanks. I’m grateful for it.”

*****

Chapter Four – With Knowledge Comes Understanding

A week later

“Tell me all of your life-defining moments,” Len said, sitting at the table. “I mean, the people and events that make you who you are and everything that isn’t classified.”

Chris laughed as he put a dish of pasta in front of Len. “That’s a tall order. Give me a second to think about it.” He sat down and looked at his plate. “I think the first thing probably is my relationship with my father.”

When Chris didn’t say anything else, Len said, “You can tell me anything. Or not. I was just –”

“Looking for who I am beyond what I mean to you?” Chris asked.

“Yes,” Len said. “I will try and tell you the same thing. Though it’s probably going to be a hard conversation as well.”

“But we need to know this kind of thing. So, yes, it’s not an easy story. I’ve never told anyone about it before. I mean, some of my friends know things were bad between me and my father. There were so many things when I was growing up.”

“Do you want to talk about it, or should we let it go for another time?” Len asked. “I could answer that question first if you want?”

It would have been so easy to take that offer, but Chris knew this was too important not to talk about. “No. I think it’s a valid question. So, one of the first defining moments was applying to Starfleet Academy. First, I had to apply in my junior year of high school, and that meant I was still underage. My parents refused to sign my application. And my grandfather forced them to sign.”

“Did they?” Len asked softly.

“Yes,” Chris said.

“I can tell there’s a but in there.”

“And you would be correct,” Chris said. “For a while, it seemed like things were no more unpleasant than normal. I graduated high school and went to the Academy. And all the way through, it seemed like everything was, well, if not great, then no worse than it had been growing up. I hoped they might come to understand my need to go into space and explore the galaxy. I was going to graduate at the top of my class, and I was going to get to make a speech to the graduates. I loved that kind of thing.” Chris smiled at that. He wasn’t sure what Len had heard about the speeches thing.

“You’re kind of famous for your inspiring speeches.” Len laughed. “Go on.”

“I’ve been told,” Chris said. “I sent my parents all the information about the ceremony, and they never replied.” Chris paused. Talking about his parents was always more complicated than he’d thought it should be. And it was far, far in the past, but it had been so painful then.

Even though he felt it should be, it wasn’t pain-free now, either.

Len reached out and put a hand over Chris’. But he didn’t say anything.

Chris cleared his throat. “The morning of my graduation, I got a written comm from them saying that they weren’t coming to the ceremony. And unless I promised never to leave Earth, I wasn’t welcome to come back to their house in Mojave.”

He closed his eyes and took a breath. “I replied that I wanted to go into space far more than I wanted to return to their house,” Chris said. And that comm had been so hard to write, even as hurt and angry as he was then.

“Did they respond to your note?” Len asked.

Chris shook his head. “But less than an hour later, I got a call from my Aunt Amelia. She said that she and my uncle Grant would be coming to see me graduate. And that she had arranged for several cousins who were in town to come to dinner to celebrate my commission with me.”

“Wow. That’s amazing,” Len said, smiling. Like this was the happy ending and, in a way, it was.

“I barely knew Amelia and Grant, then. She was my father’s sister, but living in Mojave, we were isolated from the rest of the family.”

“She was in the waiting room with Grant,” Len said, tilting his head like he was thinking. “You listed her as your next of kin.”

“She stepped into my life then. And God, I was just so grateful that someone would be there. That someone in my family, other than my late grandfather, cared about me.”

“What the fuck was wrong with your parents?” Len asked, his irritation was apparent. And Chris appreciated that.

“My father, at least, was very xenophobic. I assume that my mother was as well, though I don’t remember her saying much about anyone else, but she stayed with him and let him turn me out.” Chris took a breath. “I’ve seen them a handful of times since then and never by choice.”

“I would never have spoken to them again,” Len said, leaning over and giving Chris a quick kiss. “I think I should have asked about your best and worst sexual experience.”

Chris laughed. “I think that would have been an easier question. But tell me, what are your defining moments?

“This, meeting you, is going to be the defining moment of the rest of my life. I know that.”

“For me, too,” Chris said.

“One of the single defining moments in my life was having to turn off the life support for my Daddy,” Len said. And he took a deep breath and didn’t look at Chris. “I loved my Daddy so much. He was a pillar in my life. He was a doctor, too. He was dying of Pyrrhoneuritis. He’d signed all the paperwork, and I had promised to do it. When he finally said the time had come, that he couldn’t go on anymore, I knew a cure was close. I tried to talk him out of it. But he had already said goodbye to Momma and Beth. He was looking to me to do what I’d promised.” Len sucked in a breath, and it sounded like a sob. “I had to. I couldn’t let him suffer like that.” Len wiped his face. “The cure came six weeks later.”

“Six weeks could be an eternity for someone in that much pain,” Chris said, putting his arm around Len.

Len turned into him. “I know. And I wouldn’t have forced him to suffer that just to have more time with him. But I –” Len closed his eyes. “I have never reconciled it. But looking at it now, I can see what you said was true. No matter when the cure came, he was ready to go when he said. I kept my promise to him.”

“In the end, that was what he wanted. So, you honored him by doing what he asked. Even if it was painful.” Chris kissed him. “Maybe we should just talk about best and worst sexual experiences.”

Len laughed. “Sure. My best is you. And yours?”

“You, of course,” Chris said. Even though it had only been two weeks, he doubted there would ever be anyone better. Given what they had between them, there wasn’t going to be anyone else, period.

“And your worst?” Len asked.

“I don’t have a worst. Though some fairly horrible things happened to me in space, mostly they were physical or mental violence.” Chris shivered. “Which might be worse.”

Len nodded. “That could be much worse. We should talk about some of that at some point. Though, that’s true for me, too.”

Chris did not want to think about Len going through some of the things he’d experienced, but it was likely similar. “We should, but not tonight. Should I even ask about your worst sexual experience?”

“I don’t have a worst either, ” Len said. “I’ve only had a couple of long-term relationships. I was married for about five years. Jocelyn, my ex, liked the idea I was going to be a doctor, but not the reality of me studying for it and going to medical school. She and her daddy then took almost every penny I had in the divorce.”

“Fuck,” Chris said. “What did you do?”

“I joined Starfleet to get away from her. And she wanted me to come back to her. But at that point, I was done. Luckily, we didn’t have kids. Or it might have been a different answer,” Len said. “Joining Starfleet was definitely another defining moment in my life. Everything changed after that.”

“Finding out about my fate was another one for me. But I told you about that already,” Chris said. “What other relationships?”

“After Jocelyn, there was only one other real relationship. I spent the last year at the Academy dating a nurse I worked with at the hospital. She taught me the therapeutic massage techniques I’ve used on you,” Len said and smiled. “After I graduated, I just didn’t have that much time. So, it was mostly casual encounters on missions or shore leave or with someone visiting the ship.” Len looked at him. “What about your relationships? Have you ever been married?”

Chris was quiet for a moment and then sighed. “Never married. I’ve only had a couple of long-term relationships, mostly long-distance, as well. The last one was probably the most serious, and that ended three-four years ago. It was with another starship captain, Marie Batel,” Chris said, looking at Len.

“I don’t know her,” Len said.

Chris nodded. “She and I both faced the same obstacles with having a relationship. The ship and our crew always came first. For whatever reason, I couldn’t commit. I tried hard. She was smart and courageous and meant a lot to me, but I fucked up that relationship six ways to Sunday.”

“Does it still bother you?” Len asked, his tone sounding very careful.

“Mostly that I hurt her. She didn’t deserve that.” Chris sighed and looked at Len again. “This is different. I feel more committed than I ever have with anyone else. I have been all in from the moment I met you. Maybe that was why I couldn’t make it work with anyone else. Maybe it needed to be you.”

Len closed his eyes for a second. “I feel the same. Beyond me being your doctor for a month, I don’t know how you could have known that something would happen between us before you met me again. But there’s something in what you just said that resonates within me. Like it’s the truth. As strange as that idea seems, it feels like it had to be you.”

It felt like the truth to him as well. Chris kissed him. “Do you have any brothers or sisters?”

“I mentioned my sister. Elizabeth Ashley. Everyone calls her Beth,” Len said. “She married her high school sweetheart.”

“Still married?”

“Yep. To Billy-Ray Carson, who is a psychologist. A damned good one. They have been married for about twenty-two years. They got married very young. Two kids,” Len said.

He’d somehow forgotten about the connection there. “William Carson?”

Len looked startled. “How did you know that? Do you know him?

“I had to do a certain number of sessions with a psychologist, especially given the trauma of my injuries. Not even considering I knew about it before it happened,” Chris sighed. “I knew I needed to talk to someone about it, but none of the people Starfleet sent felt right.”

“But how did you end up with Billy-Ray –”

Chris laughed. “You’re going to have to explain that name to me. I am so going to tease him about it.”

“How did you end up with him?” Len asked again.

“I went through the entire staff of the psychiatric department at Starfleet Medical, and Adriana Boyce knew him and that he specialized in trauma. I’m not sure how, but she arranged a special contract for him to work with me,” Chris said.

“I told you he was good at it.”

“Damned good,” Chris agreed. “Though at the time, I wondered how it could be a coincidence that the brother-in-law of the doctor who saved me was the only psychologist I felt safe enough to talk to about it.”

“It had to be. How many were there before you got to him?” Len asked.

“Five. So, yeah, that was a coincidence,” Chris said. “And I know that Spock arranged for you to do the surgery. I don’t know how he managed to have the enterprise within a few hours of Earth.”

“I have no idea either. But this is Spock we’re talking about. I’m sure he would have figured out a way,” Len said.

“He knew what was going to happen.”

“I assumed he must have,” Len said. “Going back to Billy-Ray and Beth, I think they married so young because they had a strong empathic bond. But I don’t know that for sure.”

“What does your sister do?” Chris asked. That kind of bond information was not something you asked questions about.

“She’s an accountant. She specializes in auditing, and has her own firm. She probably makes more than all the rest of us together,” Len said, sounding very proud of her. “Do you have any brothers or sisters?”

“I have an older brother, Jonathan,” Chris said. “We were close as kids but drifted apart after I went to the Academy. And with what happened after, I’ve only been back to Mojave a few times, and never to see my family there. Jonathan did what they wanted and, as far as I know, never left Mojave. He teaches at the University of Mojave.” Chris didn’t want to sound dismissive of him. But he’d never understood why Jonathan had given in to them so easily.

“When was the last time you spoke to him?” Len asked.

“He sent me a comm or two when he heard I was injured in the accident,” Chris said. “But a lot of my relatives sent me comms. The only people I saw, at least in the first month or so, were Amelia and Grant.”

“If I remember correctly, she had a desk and comm unit moved into your room so that she could do some work while sitting with you. You probably slept through most of it.”

“For all the months I was in the hospital, I never woke up alone,” Chris said. “Amelia also handled sending out information on my status to the rest of the family for me. And then, from the second month on, someone was always with me when I was awake more. If it wasn’t her or Grant, then it was friends of mine or a family member I knew.”

“I’m sure that made a huge difference in your mental health. Not being alone after such a traumatic injury, especially when it’s family or close friends with the person, has been shown to make the patient feel safe and enable them to concentrate on healing,” Len said. “I’m assuming you’ve stayed close to her.”

That was true of him, too. He’d come to depend on someone being there when he woke up. “Very close. I’m sure you’ll be meeting Amelia and my family again shortly. We usually have dinner at least once a week, down from two or three times last year,” Chris said. “I love them all. The rest of my family as well.”

“What happened last week?” Len asked.

Chris looked down, feeling a little guilty. “I canceled without even talking to her. She’s not going to allow it a second time. I expect them to show up any day now.”

“Why not just invite them over tomorrow night so I can meet them? Or meet them again.” Len was smiling. That pleased Chris. He was looking forward to meeting Len’s family, too.

He picked up his comm, typed a message, and cc’d Len. “Okay, we’ll do this tomorrow evening,” Chris said. “Anything else that you want to know?”

“Did you speak to your brother while you were in the hospital?”

Chris sighed. “No. I just couldn’t cope with any family drama. My parents came to see me when I was in the hospital. I don’t remember it, but apparently, they scolded me about what happened. I’m sure my father wanted to say I told you so. Phil threw them out and made sure they weren’t allowed to return.” Not remembering that incident was one of the few times he appreciated the pain drugs he was on at the time.

“Fuck. I’m sorry. Even if you can’t remember it, you still know it happened.” Len’s arms tightened around him.

“You know, it doesn’t matter anymore,” Chris said. At this point, they had mostly faded into the background of his life. That didn’t mean it still didn’t tweak something inside him to discuss them.

“You can’t lie to me,” Len said, leaning over to kiss him. “Maybe you should talk to your brother. He might disagree with your parents. Especially if you haven’t talked to him in years.”

Chris had thought about doing that at the time. But then, he needed to save his strength for his recovery. Maybe he could get Amelia to contact Jonathan to see how he was doing. “You might be right.”

“Anything else you want to know?” Len asked.

“Everything there is to know about you,” Chris said, smiling. “I plan to take a long, long time to discover all your secrets.”

“And yours as well. Though I suspect a lot of your life is classified.”

“Unfortunately, that’s true,” Chris said. “But what isn’t classified is yours to discover. I feel like I’ve known you forever and yet know very little about you.”

“I feel the same. We’ll have to work on it slowly, over the course of years.” Len met his eyes and leaned in for another kiss. “It’s been only two weeks. But I know what we have found is it for me.”

Chris knew he was right. “I’m terrified of what this means. And if we fuck it up, we will never get it back. And I don’t want to live without it.”

Len nodded and leaned forward to kiss him. “We’re not going to fuck this up.”

*****

After they finished eating and Len did a quick cleanup, he held out a hand to help Chris to his feet. Between his PT and a long walk, he wasn’t very steady, and he appreciated Len’s unobtrusive care.

“I can tell you’re hurting from your PT today,” Len said, folding him into his arms and kissing him lightly. And then again, harder.

“I might push too hard sometimes,” Chris admitted, pulling back a little to look at him.

“Now, isn’t that a surprise. I would not have expected that from you,” Len said sarcastically, kissing him again after he said it. “There’s only so far you can push it.”

“I’ve been told.” But Chris didn’t listen. It was impossible for him not to try as hard as he could. “I want to be back to some semblance of fitness at some point soon.”

“I understand that. But if you injure yourself, it will take you even longer to get better,” Len said. He sounded a little worried. “Do you want a massage?”

“I always want your hands on me,” Chris said, his pulse picking up a little. “Even when it’s not as much fun as some of the other ways you can put your hands on me.”

“Tell you what, if you’re still awake when I’m finished, I’ll put my hands on you in any way you want,” Len promised.

Chris had been under Len’s skilled hands before, and it hurt while he was doing it. It always left Chris very relaxed and sleepy after. “You don’t get much out of that.”

“That’s not true. Making sure you sleep well is something I like doing. It helps you heal.” Len gathered him gently into his arms and kissed him. “I’m in this for the long haul. Besides, it gives me pleasure to be able to help you.”

“And I appreciate your care. It means a lot, everything, to me.” More than Chris could ever put into words.

Len kissed him again and then let him go. “Take a hot shower, and then get into bed. I’ll be up in a minute or two.”

The massage was painful, with Len’s strong hands kneading into tight, knotted muscles. But when he finally stopped, those muscles were pliant and soft. Though, Chris was not ready to go to sleep just yet.

“You promised me your hands on me,” Chris said, raising his head. “Naked, with oily hands.”

Len laughed and started to pull off his clothes. “I’m surprised you’re up for that. I must be losing my touch.”

“I’m definitely up. I’ll tell you that.” Chris turned into him as he lay down. He kissed him deeply and Len put his hands on Chris’ chest. The slow, slippery slide of Len’s hands felt so good, and Chris was so ready by the time Len took him in his hand. It only took a couple of strokes, and Chris came with a deep groan. No matter how Len put his hands on him, it was always so wonderful.

“Do you have something for my hands,” Chris asked, opening his eyes and smiling at Len.

“Aren’t you tired,” Len asked, kissing him lightly and then leaning down and kissing him more deeply.

“I am, but I want to touch you. I want to make you feel good, too,” Chris murmured against his mouth.

“I always want your hands on me,” Len said, handing him a still-warm bottle of massage oil.

Once he slid his hands onto Len’s body, he didn’t want to stop their exploration. Memorizing every inch of skin was becoming more and more important to Chris. But after a while, Len guided one of his hands where he wanted it to go. And Chris obliged him. He would never tire of hearing Len swear in pleasure at something he was doing to him. It was as satisfying as his own pleasure. Maybe more so.

*****

The next day

“Amelia,” Chris said as he opened the door and hugged her. “Good to see you.”

“You as well. You look better every time I see you,” Amelia said, smiling. She followed him into the dining room.

“Where’s Grant?” Chris asked. Usually, they’d let him know if one of them wasn’t coming.

“He got a case just as he was leaving. I don’t know what it’s about yet. He’ll be by later, if he can.” She sat down at the high counter facing into the kitchen. “Are you cooking?”

“Yes,” Chris said. “Or rather, it’s cooked, and I need to heat it up.” He put a pot on the stove and turned it on. He took out a couple of loaves of bread and put them in the oven. “It will take about twenty minutes.”

“So, what was last week about? You’ve never done that before,” she asked, her voice carefully neutral.

Chris thought of that as her police interview voice. “I’ve cancelled –”

“Not like that, you haven’t.” Amelia’s tone still wasn’t giving anything away about what she was thinking.

Well, it wasn’t as if he wasn’t going to tell her. “There’s a surprise coming.

“Good or bad?” she asked, sounding curious.

“Oh, it’s good. Very good, in fact.” And Chris smiled. It was harder to talk about than he’d thought it would be. His padd chimed. “Apologies.” He picked it up and looked at it. Len was going to be late. He had emergency surgery.

“Is there a problem,” she asked.

“No. My surprise might not make it until much later,” Chris said, disappointed.

“You’ve met someone?” she asked. “How?”

“Oh, the usual way,” Chris said. “I went to watch the docking of a ship that had been damaged, and there he was.”

“He? Well, that’s a surprise.”

“You’re telling me?” Chris laughed. He supposed he was going to have to tell her everything. “There’s more. He and I only just met, but he’s living here now, and it’s probably the most serious relationship I’ve ever had.”

“How long?”

“Just over two weeks.”

She looked at him and seemed to be concentrating. There were times when it felt like she could see right into him. “Dear God. There’s the beginning of a bond between you and him.”

He held up his hand. “We are not going to discuss that part.”

“Your father has a lot to answer for,” Amelia hissed. “You should not be that afraid to admit what you are.”

“I just said that I am not ready to discuss it.” Chris was never going to be ready to talk about it. But she wasn’t wrong about his father.

“All right. But you need to start thinking about it because it’s not going to go away,” Amelia said and then smiled. “So, tell me about him. Who is he?”

“Someone you know. Dr. Leonard McCoy. He saved –”

“Your life. I didn’t get a chance to get to know him that well, but he’s an outstanding surgeon. Do you even remember him from then?”

“As much as I remember anything, so barely.” Chris shrugged. “It’s now that I’m concerned about. In the short time I’ve known him, he has become very important to me.”

She looked at him again and tipped her head to the side. “And you’re most of the way in love with him, too.”

“You seem to understand better than most of my friends,” Chris said, surprised that she understood so well.

“Grant and I were much the same. Within days of meeting, we knew we were meant to be together. There was no question. You should accept it.”

Chris laughed at that. “Oh, I have no problem accepting that he’s it for me. It’s just the rest of it that’s the problem.”

“You know, I’m deeply empathic,” Amelia admitted. That wasn’t a secret in the family, but she rarely said it out loud. “It runs in our family. Your father may have said he wasn’t empathic, but he had to have some.”

“I never thought he was empathic at all. Granddad never mentioned it.” Chris rubbed the back of his neck and sighed.

Amelia’s brow wrinkled. “I think he had somehow blocked people from feeling anything from him. But that would have required training and indicated that he was much more powerful than anyone thought he was.”

“That’s a frightening thought,” Chris said with a shiver. “He denied a part of himself.”

“Isn’t that what you’re doing, too?” she asked.

“I know what I am. Granddad trained me to recognize what I was feeling, but I also know that it’s none of anyone else’s business what that is. People who know me probably know as well. But –”

“No one broadcasts it because it’s still not safe. But there’s a reason so many of us are in law enforcement or Starfleet.”

He did not want to talk about that. At all. Fortunately, the timer on dinner went off, saving him from having to say anything else. “We should eat now while it’s hot. Do you want some wine?”

“Are you having some?” she asked.

“I could have a glass since I am not on any medication right now. The pain isn’t that bad most days.” He looked at the wine rack to see what he had. He held up a decent red. It would go with the stew.

Amelia nodded. “But you’re still in pain, even eighteen months later?”

“Yes. The regenerated nerves take a long time to settle down, and that’s painful. I’ve been told that it will be six to eight months longer. But there are some mitigations that have recently started that have helped things quite a lot,” Chris said, smiling.

Amelia looked both amused and indulgent. “That’s a terrific endorphin rush.”

Chris laughed. “I wasn’t talking about that. Though God knows, that’s completely true. Len knows therapeutic massage, which isn’t something anyone has mentioned as a therapy. It makes a huge difference. Hurts like hell most of the time, but I’ve slept so much better in the last couple of weeks.”

“Where did he learn it?” Amelia asked and then took a spoonful of the stew. “Damn, that is so good.”

“Thanks,” Chris said. “Len learned it from a nurse he was dating when he was at the Academy.”

“I remember that he went to the Academy late and worked at Starfleet Hospital at the same time,” Amelia said thoughtfully as she took another bite of the stew.

“How did you know that?” Chris asked. That wasn’t something she would learn with casual contact with Len.

“I looked him up after he saved your life,” she said as if it were a natural course of action.

And Chris didn’t follow the logic at all. “Why would you do that?”

She shook her head and gave him an exasperated look. “I wanted to know about him. Who he was. Do you think I don’t know the details about your life? You are a beloved part of our family, and I’m the matriarch.”

That brought Chris’ head up. He never thought about Amelia in those terms. But she was the matriarch and probably knew more about him than he ever suspected. “Did you find out anything interesting about Len?”

Amelia just looked at him. “He is exactly what he appears to be. A brilliant doctor with award-winning research. A bad divorce, which doesn’t seem to bother him, and a massive extended family. I also know his brother-in-law was your therapist for a while.”

There wasn’t much Chris could say to that. He tipped his wine glass towards her. “Finish your stew before it gets cold.”

She laughed again and picked up her spoon.

*****

“Can I help you clean up,” Amelia asked after she’d finished.

“I’ve got it,” Chris said, picking up their plates. “I guess we both got stood up tonight.”

“You’re the one involved with a doctor. This is going to be your life.”

“I’m sure it will be,” Chris agreed. While there would probably be times when it would annoy him, he knew what a dedicated doctor Len was, and Chris was proud of him for it. “Let me get the plates into the recycler. And we can finish our wine. Would you like another glass?”

“No. I have to work tomorrow.”

“Do you ever plan to retire?” he asked.

Amelia shook her head. “Nope. They will haul me out of my office in a box.”

He laughed at that, but that was probably true of him as well. He put the dishes into the recycler and turned back to Amelia. “And you haven’t told me how Lily and Lucas are doing on Vulcan? Occasionally, one of them will drop me a note, but it never really says much.” They had left a couple of months ago, and Chris missed them so much.

“They are busy. Doing well,” Amelia said, leaning on the counter.

“I hear a but in there.” Chris raised an eyebrow at her when she said nothing else for a minute or two.

“Lily has been trying to discover more about where she and Lucas came from. It’s pretty obvious that they are half Vulcan.”

“And where’s the problem with that?” Chris asked. “You knew that when you adopted them.”

“It’s just that there were no matches in the DNA database on Vulcan, so there’s no way to know for sure.” Amelia looked concerned. “They may think they are adults, and I concede that they are, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to protect both of them. They were such an unexpected blessing to us. I was surprised I got to be their mom at all. I always wanted more children.” She sounded wistful, like she might want even more.

Chris snorted. “How many more did you want? You already have four children –”

“Five,” she said and looked right at him.

That was…true. Chris inclined his head in agreement. She might not have raised him, but from the time he was twenty-one, she had been there for him whenever he needed or wanted her to be. He’d always felt a connection to her. And clearly, she felt it, too.

“I wish I could have gotten you sooner,” Amelia said.

“In many ways, so do I,” Chris agreed. “But you were there when I needed you most. That’s all that mattered.”

She just smiled at him. Then, she looked at her watch and straightened up. “I need to go. I am sure that first thing tomorrow, I’ll have a briefing on whatever case Grant caught tonight.”

Chris came around the counter. “Thank you for coming. And for everything else. Let’s try again next week. Maybe our wayward partners will show up next time.”

Amelia nodded. “I’m looking forward to meeting Doctor McCoy again. I want to see you together.”

“Can you tell anything from that?” That seemed a little far-fetched for Chris, but she was powerful, so maybe she could.

“I can already sense the bond on you. I’m sure it must light up the room when you’re together.”

A slow smile spread over his face. “It’s the damnedest thing, but we kiss all the time, like teenagers.”

Amelia’s smile was indulgent again. “Every bond I know of manifests differently. It adapts to your needs and desires. Things you might not even understand that you need.”

That at least made sense. “Do you know that many people who admit to having a bond?” Chris asked.

“A few,” she said, sighing. “Mostly family members who trust me enough to talk about it. My sister, a couple of my cousins, and both of my older children. I expect Lily and Lucas will have different kinds of bonds given their heritage.”

“I doubt I’m ever going to willingly trust anyone with it,” Chris said. He could not imagine being even as open as she was with it.

“You’re trusting me,” Amelia pointed out, moving towards the door.

Chris followed her over. “If I can’t trust you, the universe has already gone to hell. Part of me resents the fear, but I still worry about it and what could happen. And another part desperately wants to understand both the empathy and the bond.” He folded his arms over his chest. “Now, there’s another part of me that wants to stand defiant and flip off anyone who would try and take away what I have found. I would protect him with my life.”

“Of that, I am sure,” she said. “But all of those are not mutually exclusive of each other.” She reached out and hugged him. “I’ll call you next week, and we’ll see what day works for all of us.”

*****

Almost two hours after Amelia left, Len finally made it home. He looked dead on his feet, and after kissing him, Chris directed him to the table.

“I’m not that hungry,” Len said, yawning, but he did sit down.

“I bet you haven’t eaten,” Chris said, his hand running over Len’s messy hair.

Len leaned against his hand for a second and then shook his head. “I haven’t.”

“Give me a couple of minutes.” Chris had left the stew on low so it would still be hot when Len got home. He dished up a bowl with some of the bread and put both in front of Len. Then, Chris sat with him while he ate it.

It didn’t take Len long to finish it. “Thanks. That was delicious.” He looked at his empty bowl and the few breadcrumbs left on his plate. “I guess I was hungry, after all.”

“I guess so.” Chris smiled. “Now, a shower and then, bed for you.”

“Not quite yet,” Len said. “I need a minute or two just to relax. I’m still pretty keyed up from the surgery. How did it go with Amelia and Grant? I was sorry to have missed them.”

“Grant got a case and ended up missing dinner, too. So, it was just Amelia and me. I told her about you. And she said she could feel the emerging bond on me.” Chris sighed. “I think it’s probably time we talked about that. Not now, if you’re too tired. But we need to have that conversation between us soon.”

“I know. I hate discussing anything like that. But,” Len said and then huffed. “We should probably make sure we’re on the same page with it.”

Chris took a deep breath. This was so hard for him, even with Len, whom he trusted on a bone-deep level that defied the length of time he’d known him. “I think you know that I’m –”

“I am, too. We would both have to be to establish a bond as profound as the one we’re going to have.”

“Not that I have any reference for it, but I’ve always thought empathic bonding was about compatibility,” Chris said. “Even in the two weeks since we met, it’s pretty clear we are very compatible. Not just as lovers, but as friends as well.”

“I have never met anyone I’ve felt as comfortable with as I am with you. Like I could live with you for the rest of my life, and it would be,” Len paused again and shook his head, an amazed smile on his face. “Like it would be pretty close to perfect.”

“I think that describes how I feel, as well. It’s as if I’m never going to want anything other than this or you,” Chris said with a wave of his hand between them. “We’ll still have to do all of the work of a new relationship while having one that feels, I don’t know, established. Like we’ve known each other a long time.”

“Exactly. I wish there was more information on what to expect. But there is so little written about bonds and how they manifest,” Len said. “I wonder why Jim seems to think I won’t be able to go back out with the Enterprise.”

No one had said that explicitly to Chris, but he got the feeling that was what people thought. “Until we get an explanation of what it could do, I’m going to assume you’ll go back out. And if you do, I’ll try to be around out there when possible.”

“You’ve got months more of physical therapy. It will be at least six months. That isn’t how I want to start our relationship,” Len said, sounding worried.

Chris could understand that. The idea of being separated distressed him, too. “I know. I don’t think I can do anything about it, not without it being a misuse of my position.” He knew himself well enough to know that if Len did ask, he would be hard-pressed to say no. And he just couldn’t think about that because there was no reasonable compromise.

“I’d never ask that of you,” Len said, reaching out and putting his hand on Chris’. “We’ll get through it.”

“I think we understand each other on this,” Chris said, relieved not to be faced with that decision. He should have realized that Len would never ask that of him. “There’s one more thing, and I hesitate even to mention it. But if we can avoid having the bond or our empathy documented, I would appreciate that.”

“I agree with you. It will be safer for both of us not to go to Starfleet with it. That said, most people who know me, know what I am. It becomes obvious that I know when my patients are in pain when I’m treating someone. But I trust my shipmates,” Len said.

“There are several people who know for certain and more that probably suspect it. But most people aren’t going to talk about it with me, let alone someone else. I trust the people who do know.”

“Exactly. I think I’ll go up and take a shower.” Len stood and stretched.

Chris stood as well and leaned in to kiss him. “I think I can come up with something to help you relax.”

“Oh, I am sure that you can. Are you feeling up to it?” Len asked.

“I’ve been feeling surprisingly good lately,” Chris said. “The massage therapy has helped a lot.”

“I’m glad it helps.” Len yawned. “Shower with me?”

“I think I can manage that. Go up. I’ll join you in a few minutes after I clean the kitchen.”

*****

Len stood under the hot water, letting It ease his stiff shoulders and back muscles. It wasn’t often he used the actual water shower. But this house was old enough so that it had pipes and water. Most newer homes didn’t have water showers, especially when sonics worked just as well to clean and with so much less cost.

His eyes were closed, but he heard Chris come into the bedroom and then the bathroom and opened them, smiling as he watched Chris strip off his clothes with quick, economical movements. They hadn’t done anything in the shower yet. While it might be fun, it wasn’t a good idea yet, even with Chris feeling a little better today.

Chris stepped into the glass enclosure and pressed his front to Len’s back. His arms snaked around Len’s waist, and he nibbled on the juncture of Len’s neck and shoulder. He was pressed into the crease of Len’s ass. Excitement started to build in Len as he moved back against it, shivering a little.

That was coming. But Len wasn’t quite ready to try it yet. And he was sure Chris wasn’t ready to do that to him yet, either, not physically ready. Len was good with waiting until Chris was ready, though he was pretty sure Chris would want it the other way around pretty soon.

“What are you thinking?” Chris asked, his fingers lightly caressing Len’s chest.

“What makes you think I’m thinking about anything?” Len asked, pressing back against him again. “I’m enjoying the feel of you against me.”

“That’s what your movements are saying, but I can sense something else. Tell me?” Chris asked.

Well, maybe it was time to get that on the table, too. “Just thinking what you’ve got pressed into my ass and what it might be doing in the future.”

“Do you want to talk about that?” Chris asked. “I think that’s coming. Maybe not today or this week, but from my point of view, I’m going to want to try it. But if you don’t or don’t want to….” He left it there.

Len turned around. This conversation should probably be face-to-face and maybe not naked in the shower. But there weren’t any rules for this, either. He leaned in and kissed Chris, his arms slipping around Chris and down his back to caress his ass. It would be so easy to let himself become distracted by that. “I want to do whatever you want with that. I think it should wait at least a little bit.”

Chris moved closer, his hands sliding slowly up and down Len’s spine. “I sense a but here.”

“Neither one of us has done that before, not with a man. I think there’s a real possibility of inadvertently hurting each other.” Len could not bear the thought of causing Chris any more pain than he was in most of the time.

“So, you’re saying that you want more practice, maybe work our way up to it, before we try that out?” Chris asked.

“Yes. Let’s get out of the shower and get into bed, and we can practice for a while,” Len said.

“I think that’s an excellent idea.” Chris reached around him and shut off the water. He took a big towel and started to dry off Len.

Chris lay down on the bed, and Len indulged himself for a moment to run his hands over Chris’ chest and down his belly. He was thin but not fragile. Len slid on top of him. He could sense Chris’ delight in being held tightly.

Chris’ hands slid slowly down his back and then back up. Len kissed him softly at first but deepened the kiss after a moment, enjoying the feel of Chris’ mouth responding. No matter how often they kissed, Chris’ response to him was so enthusiastic, so giving.

After a minute or two, he moved on to Chris’ neck, which was deliciously sensitive, and Chris shivered under his tongue. He loved that, giving Chris pleasure, feeling him respond.

Then, moving down Chris’ chest and again hearing his low moan, excitement tightened Len’s stomach, and he shivered, too. Further down, he nuzzled the hollow of Chris’ hip before taking him into his mouth.

Chris moaned and pressed slowly into Len’s mouth. “I thought I was the one who was going to take care of you for a change.”

Lens’ mouth was full, so he wasn’t going to argue about who went first. He could almost feel Chris’ pleasure in what he was doing to him. There was nothing he liked better than pleasing his lover, and with Chris, it meant so much more. He didn’t last long and came with a low groan.

Then Chris turned the tables on him. And Chris’ touch was slower, more exploratory as if he were trying to learn every bit of Len’s skin. Len loved that about him. Chris took pleasuring him very seriously. He breathed out slowly and relaxed into Chris’ sure touch.

Eventually, Chris reached his destination and took him into his mouth, obviously trying to stretch it out. There was never any hesitation in Chris, and his enjoyment was obvious. Len was on the cusp almost immediately. When Chris rubbed a finger in a slow circle, Len swore and came. It was amazing how quickly Chris had picked this up and become adept. Len was so looking forward to all the other things Chris would want to do with him.

He turned onto his back, gathering Chris into his arms and kissing him slowly, one last time before sleep dragged him under.

*****

A week later.

“Admiral Pike,” Derek’s voice came over the comm. “Captain Kirk is here to see you, and he doesn’t have an appointment but says to ask you anyway. Do you want to see him?”

He wasn’t expecting Kirk, and he was busy. Even though they had met a few times when he was captain of the Enterprise, Chris didn’t feel as if he knew Kirk all that well. But given how close Len and Spock were to him, Chris would like to get to know Kirk better. “Sure, Derek, send him in.”

Chris stood. Fuck. He’d hit the PT a little harder than he should have this morning. He was definitely feeling it. The walk at lunch probably didn’t help either, especially when he stumbled stepping up on a curb and twisted something when he caught himself, but he managed not to fall. It hadn’t seemed like a big deal at the time, but now he felt a strain in his right leg and back.

Chris met him at the door. “Come in, Captain Kirk,” he said, waving him to the sofa in his office. “What can I do for you?”

“Permission to speak freely, sir,” Kirk asked, sounding earnest. But he didn’t sit down.

Chris didn’t think being on his feet right now was a good idea. “Sure, say what you need to. But I need to sit down, so please sit as well, Captain.”

Kirk looked startled but sat in the chair in front of his desk rather than on the sofa. Which was fine by Chris, and he sat in his desk chair, his back pinched a little, but being off his feet was a relief.

“Are you okay, sir? It doesn’t look like you’re moving very well.” Kirk’s tone held a note of genuine concern.

Chris did appreciate that. “I may have overdone my PT this morning.”

Kirk nodded, and his lips twitched. “Bones mentioned you do that regularly.”

“I hadn’t realized you talked to him that much. Or about me.” But maybe Chris should have.

“We’re good friends,” Kirk said. “So, yeah, we talk pretty frequently. Nothing too personal about you. But he has mentioned the PT thing.”

“I’m not surprised. Doctor McCoy complains to me about it all the time.” Chris smiled at that. Yeah, Len was not quiet about what he thought. But that was part of his charm.

“I don’t need to point out how much he cares about you,” Kirk said.

No, that was obvious, and Chris felt the same way about Len. “It’s a given,” Chris said, looking at Kirk. “So, what can I do for you?”

Kirk was quiet for a moment, and clearly, he was struggling with something. Chris could give him a minute.

“I have a request, and I’ve been told that I should just straight out ask you to do me a favor and that you’ll be okay with that, even if you can’t do it.”

“I make no promises without knowing what you want,” Chris said, wondering what Kirk could possibly want that was causing this much angst.

Kirk sighed. “I have a problem. Bones is going to leave the ship, and I need someone who can replace him. Well, truthfully, no one can replace him, but I need someone who is more than just competent. And I don’t want to ask in a hurry and have to take whoever is available.”

Well, fuck. This was the first time someone had said that out loud. A part of Chris wanted to ask how Kirk knew that, but he wasn’t ready to acknowledge any part of this yet. “Doctor McCoy does not plan to leave the ship –”

“I’m sorry, sir. I know he doesn’t want to leave,” Kirk said. “I don’t think he’s going to be able to stay. I think you know that, too.”

He closed his eyes for a moment and breathed out. It might be short-sighted, but he couldn’t handle talking about this right now. “I know nothing of the sort, Captain,” Chris said, putting some command into his tone.

Kirk blinked and rubbed the back of his neck. “You’re serious. How can you not realize what is going on between the two of you?”

“Spell it out for me, Captain,” Chris said. As much as he and Len reveled in what was between them, there was no talking to anyone else about it. It had been hard enough to admit to the people he had, and they were his closest friends and family. He didn’t know Kirk well enough for this conversation.

“I can feel the emerging bond on you,” Kirk said slowly, carefully. “Even without Bones being here. It feels old and nearly established. You aren’t going to be able to be very far apart for months.”

“Are you empathic?” Chris asked, shocked that he’d put it that way. And that still didn’t explain why they couldn’t be apart. Maybe it was his fear of acknowledging the bond existed at all, but he couldn’t ask why.

Kirk cleared his throat and looked down and then back at him. “I’m something more and less than that. I’m not exactly sure what. I know things sometimes. Sometimes, it’s what people are thinking or what they are feeling. Sometimes, it’s weird leaps of logic or understanding, or I don’t even know. I’ve been scanned for everything and come up with nothing, but it’s something.”

Well, that was unexpected. Both that Kirk said it straight out like that or whatever it was that he was. “That could be good or bad. But how do you know so much about empathic bonds?” Chris asked, forcing the question out.

“I might have looked into it a time or two trying to figure out what I am.” He looked at Chris. “But suffice it to say, I know that you and Bones have a deep empathic bond and that he isn’t coming back to the Enterprise.”

At this point, there was a part of Chris that was starting to know that as well. And very soon, he and Len would not be able to deny it any longer. “If you are correct about this, and I’m not saying I accept it, but if Doctor McCoy can’t go back to the Enterprise, I promise I will find you someone who will be what your crew needs.”

Even before Kirk spoke, Chris could feel the relief in him. And that pleased Chris. It said what a good captain Kirk was.

“Thank you, sir. I can’t tell you what that means to me,” Kirk said.

“I already have someone in mind. Let me check with them. Do you want them to contact you directly?”

“That would be ideal. Thank you,” Kirk said and stood. He looked back at Chris. “You know, I think I might have misjudged you.”

Okay, that was not what he expected Kirk to say in parting. “How so?” Chris asked.

“I’d always thought you were a good captain and a decent, caring man, but when you gave me the ship, you seemed, I don’t know.” Kirk paused and looked down, maybe looking for words. “You didn’t seem engaged with what was going on around you? Like you were distracted. Or it wasn’t important. Something? I thought you might have been bitter about accepting promotion and having to leave the Enterprise before you were ready to go.”

“So, you’re asking about it now?” Chris asked. Giving up the Enterprise put Chris one step closer to what was coming. But he knew that handing the ship over to Kirk would ensure that Spock would live and that he would meet his fate. Both of which had to happen.

Uncharacteristically, Kirk just shrugged. “You seem different now, more like you did when I first met you. Engaged. I don’t know.”

Chris was different. And God, he hated even thinking about those long months after he left the Enterprise, waiting for the inevitable. “There were many things going on in my life at that point.”

Something changed again in Kirk’s expression. He closed his eyes and then opened them, looking horrified. “You knew what was going to happen to you, didn’t you, sir?” Kirk choked out.

“Did someone tell you that,” Chris asked, careful to keep his tone perfectly neutral despite his outrage. He could not believe that anyone he’d told would have betrayed his trust like that.

“No. Of course not,” Kirk said, meeting his eyes, his expression completely sincere. “Like I said, sometimes I can put a bunch of unrelated facts together and come up with a right answer. I guess I just did it again.”

Chris breathed out sharply, relieved. “That could be a very handy skill for a starship captain to have,” he said. “So yes, I knew what was coming.”

Kirk’s eyes widened, and his mouth dropped open for a second or two. “How long did you know? And how did you go on?”

For a moment, Chris thought about not answering. But at this point, he could just tell him the truth. In a few words, he did. Chris paused and held up a hand. “Before you ask, I will tell you that even knowing my fate, I could not change it, not unless I was willing to sacrifice someone else to it. And I was not.”

Kirk just closed his eyes again and then opened them. “Spock knew that, too, didn’t he. He pulled out all the stops to get Bones to you for the surgery. Before that, I had no idea Spock was so well-connected. And he was always so unemotional and logical.”

Chris had never met anyone who could pick information out of the air like that. “Spock has always been caught between two worlds.”

“I’m coming to realize that more and more,” Kirk said. “He is also very devoted to you. I’ve heard from some of the old Enterprise crew, that when he served with you, he was a lot more open with his emotions, especially for you and you for him. Father-son kind of thing, I mean.”

“I was, am protective of Spock. I would do almost anything to make sure he was well and able to live his life as he needs to.” And one of those things was to accept the fate he’d been given.

Kirk nodded. “I’ve been thinking about all the things Spock has said and done over the years and reinterpreting many of them. I’d like to believe he’s finding the path he wants to be on.”

“I’m glad to hear that. I believe Spock will do great things in the future,” Chris said.

“I think so, too,” Kirk paused a second. “You know, sir, I’ve talked to some of your old crew about you. To the being, they would all still follow you straight into hell without question or pause. How do you inspire that?” There was something, admiration maybe, in Kirk’s tone.

Chris looked down. He’d known that his crew would be there for him. It still humbled him to hear it. “I have tried to get to know every crew member. The closer you are to your crew, the more they feel you’re one of them and the more cohesive they are with each other and with you. And when you need them to do something extraordinary, they are there together with you, to do it.”

“Thank you. I appreciate the advice.” Kirk stepped back. “Take care of Bones for me, okay? I care a lot about him.”

“Of course. I care a lot about him, too,” Chris said.

*****

Len heard the ping of the door opening and closing. “I’m in here, darlin’,” he called out from the study.

A tall, good-looking, gray-haired man, who was not his tall, good-looking, gray-haired man, appeared in the doorway.

“Who are you?” the man asked like he had a right to be there.

“I think the question is, who the hell are you? I live here.” Len stood up. He knew Chris had a phaser here somewhere. But it was probably too late for that.

The man looked shocked. But he didn’t seem like a threat. “You’re living here? With my brother?”

“That would depend on who your brother is?” But at this point, Len could guess who this was. Aside from the same eye color and gray hair, they didn’t look alike at all.

“Christopher Pike. Someone who I know has never had any serious interest in men.” He folded his arms across his chest.

“When was the last time you asked him that question?” Because Len knew it was probably true up until four or five weeks ago.

“Fair enough. I don’t think I’ve seen Chris in person in ten years.” And he sounded like that bothered him.

“Whose fault is that?” Len asked.

“If he answered my comms once in a while –” Jonathan sounded pretty annoyed by that.

Which was fair enough, Len thought. “How many have you sent him?”

“A lot, over the years,” Jonathan said, with some frustration in his tone. “How long have you been involved with him?”

“About a month.” Len winced. It should have been longer. They looked at each other. “Why are you here,” Len finally asked.

“I wanted to talk to Chris.”

“He should be back from work soon,” Len said. “Do you want to wait, ah, Jonathan?”

“I guess he’s mentioned me,” Jonathan said, sounding surprised.

“We’ve exchanged basic family information.” Before Len could say anything else, the front door opened and closed. “We’re in here,” Len called out.

Chris appeared in the doorway and smiled at Len. He turned to his brother and frowned. “What are you doing here, Jonathan?”

“I wanted to talk to you, and you never responded to my comms,” Jonathan said, and he sounded annoyed by it. “I thought I’d try the direct approach.”

Chris looked dead tired, and he let out a sigh. “All right. We can talk while I cook dinner. Do you want to stay?”

“You can cook?” Jonathan seemed surprised by that.

“Apparently,” Chris said, his tone strangely devoid of emotion. “You didn’t notice the kitchen on your way in?”

“Your, um, partner called out to me, thinking I was you,” Jonathan said. “I didn’t notice anything else.”

“Doctor Leonard McCoy, meet my brother, Jonathan Pike,” Chris said with another sigh.

He should have introduced himself. “Good to meet you, Jonathan,” Len said, holding out his hand, and after a second’s hesitation, Jonathan shook it.

“Didn’t you do the original surgery on Chris?” Jonathan asked, stepping back.

Len wondered how he knew that since it wouldn’t have been common knowledge. “I did. But I serve on the Enterprise, so I turned It over to someone else once we were sure that I wouldn’t be needed for anything else.”

“Let me start dinner,” Chris said and turned around and left the room. He had a white-knuckled grip on his cane and was limping badly.

“Chris,” Len said, going after him and touching his arm. “How much pain are you in?”

“Not too bad,” Chris said.

Even if he hadn’t had an empathic connection to Chris, which was now telling him that Chris was in a considerable amount of pain, the tone of his voice would have told Len as much as he needed to know. “I know when you’re lying to me.” At this point, Len could almost feel the pain radiating off him. “Too much PT and walking around?”

“I stumbled on a curb, and Captain Kirk came by today, too.” Chris leaned against him a little, and Len put his arms around him, pressing a quick kiss to his mouth.

“Did you pull something when you stumbled?” Len asked, worried it was more severe than a stumble. And if it was more serious, that Chris hadn’t done anything about it.

“It didn’t seem like it was much of anything at the time,” Chris said with a casual shrug. “I caught myself before I could lose my balance, and I didn’t fall.”

Len wanted to question him further, but Jonathan was watching them. “Listen, my darlin’, go up and take a hot shower. I’ll talk to your brother. If you feel like it, come back down. I’ll order something for dinner. You are not going to cook.”

“Bossy man,” Chris whispered. Even in pain, his half-smile said he was trying to hide his amusement, which was good because Chris would probably have to live with Len telling him what to do forever.

Len kissed him again, his hand stroking gently along Chris’ back. “Go up, now.” He watched Chris slowly climb the stairs and then turned back to Jonathan, who looked shocked.

“I’m not sure he’ll be back down. He overdid it today. Again.” Len tried not to let his exasperation creep into his tone, but it was hard.

“From what my parents have said, I thought he’d at least be in a wheelchair,” Jonathan said. “I’m glad to see he’s not. Even if he looks terrible from whatever he did today.”

The same thing he did every day. Which was to overdo everything. “He’s been out of the wheelchair for ten or eleven months. At this point, he walks a mile or two every day.”

“Obviously, I had no idea. I’m assuming that my parents haven’t seen or heard from him. They, clearly, had no idea he’d made that much progress,” Jonathan said.

“It’s entirely possible that they hadn’t seen him,” Len said. He wasn’t going to talk about Chris’ relationship, or lack thereof, with his parents with Jonathan. “They were banned from the hospital for bad behavior.”

Jonathan winced at that but didn’t seem surprised. “They never could see that he was destined for greatness,” Jonathan said, glancing up the stairs again.

“Did you follow his career?”

“Only what I’ve read and seen in the news. And what I could find on the ‘network. Chris has had quite a career. And I’m certain there must be a whole lot more information that never made it into the public domain.” There was nothing disparaging about what Jonathan had said. If anything, it sounded like he was proud of his brother.

All of which made Len want to give Jonathan the benefit of the doubt, at least a little bit. “Why are you here now?”

Jonathan let out a long sigh. “Just as I said before, I wanted to see how he was. I commed him three-four times since the accident.”

“I told him he should speak to you.”

Jonathan stepped back. “Thanks. I’m going to go. I’m not at U of M anymore. My ex-wife and I have been divorced for a long time. My parents are unsurprisingly extremely disapproving of the divorce, but I’m so tired of all the drama they evoke.”

“I can understand that,” Len said, picking up his padd and typing a quick note to Jonathan. “I just sent you his office address. Why don’t you go by tomorrow? He should be better by late morning. PT days are not his best times.”

“How often does he still have PT?” He seemed interested in Chris and how he was doing.

Len appreciated that. “Three times a week. Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday.”

Jonathan gave him a look that Len could not interpret. “I find it hard to believe you’ve only been with him a month.

“Me, too,” Len said, smiling. “But it’s not my story to tell you.”

*****

The shower helped loosen the tight muscles, but the real pain wasn’t muscular. The regenerated nerves were acting up, and it felt like his whole body was throbbing with it. Add to that, Chris was just so tired.

With what little energy Chris had left, he forced himself onto his feet and into his sweats. He took his cane because there was no way he was going down the stairs without it. Whatever Jonathan wanted, he’d sought Chris out to get it, and Chris felt obliged to talk to him.

Chris moved slowly down each step. He’d made it about halfway down the stairs when Len appeared.

“What in God’s name do you think you’re doing?” Len asked in a tone that definitely had an exasperated edge to it.

Something Chris was learning to recognize as the doctor was annoyed with him. As soon as he stopped, a jolt of pain went through his leg, up his right side, and into his back. He hissed out a breath. “I was coming down to talk to my brother. Who showed up after ten years of mostly silence.”

“He’s gone. I told him to go by your office tomorrow. You’re in no shape to deal with him right now,” Len said as if he had a right to decide that.

“You do not get to make that decision for me,” Chris said, through his gritted teeth, annoyed now himself.

“I already did. You need to be off your feet. You push yourself and push yourself, and at some point, you just aren’t going to be able to do that anymore.” There was obvious worry in Len’s voice.

“And isn’t that my choice?” Chris asked, his tone as neutral as he could make it. Despite the pain, he was trying to control his temper and wasn’t going to let Len or anyone else make his decisions for him. And God, why did he keep having to fight this battle?

“You’re not in any kind of shape to make that decision right now.” Len had gentled his tone. Probably on purpose, to try and appease him.

But that was the wrong answer, so it wasn’t going to work. Chris’s anger rose steadily with the pain. “You can’t do that. I’m a grown man. I’m not your charge.”

“You’re in pain and annoyed with me because I’m telling you this. If you don’t get off your feet, you’re going to collapse. You need to go upstairs and get into bed. I’m going to bring you a pain injection, and I want you to take it,” Len said.

There was still a slight edge to his tone that hit Chris’ very last nerve. “I am not going to do that. I hate the pain meds. They make me fuzzy-headed. And you can’t force me to take them.”

“I don’t want to argue with you about this. For once, I want you to listen to me.” Len’s tone was more pleading than autocratic. But it still didn’t matter.

Chris was getting to the end of his patience. Even just standing there, the pain was getting worse. He clenched his teeth, and his hand curled into a fist on his cane. “You are not my keeper,” Chris snapped.

And Len fucking smiled at him. “Oh, my darlin’, I am the only one who could possibly be your keeper.”

Another jolt of pain shot through his leg, and it started stabbing and retreating. Each one got worse until he finally couldn’t remain on his feet anymore and had to sit down on the steps. “God, it hurts,” Chris gritted out.

Len knelt beside him. “I know, my darlin’. I’m sorry. Let’s get you to bed, okay.”

The pain was bad enough to put tears in his eyes, which he resented on a fundamental level. “Not sure I can walk,” Chris gasped, hating how the pain made his voice waver.

“I’ll help,” Len leaned over and took him by the upper arms, supporting him. He helped Chris get to his feet. “Unless you want me to call the wheelchair.”

The wheelchair was designed to follow his voice to where he was and be steady enough when parked anywhere, including in the air, that he could maneuver himself into it. It even had a lift that would get him onto it. And maybe it might be the most sensible option.

“No. I hate that thing,” Chris muttered. Although he’d never admit it to anyone, part of him was terrified that if he sat in it again, he’d never get out of it.

“I know you do. And you can’t have the injection on the stairs.” Len held onto him while he took a step on his other leg. “That’s it, lean on me. One step at a time, darlin’.”

It took a while for them to go back up the stairs. By the time Chris got to the top, he was sweating and shaking, nearly immobilized by the pain. At least he’d made it without needing the wheelchair, which he counted as a win.

Len helped him to lie down on the bed. He breathed in and out for a moment or two, trying to orient himself. Even getting off his feet, the pain refused to recede. In fact, it seemed worse.

“I think you’ve inflamed all the regenerated nerves in your leg and back, and that’s what is probably causing the pain to be so bad,” Len said, sitting down on the bed and gently moving Chris’ sweaty hair off his forehead. “Will you take the pain injection?”

Right this second, Chris didn’t care about the explanation. It hurt, and he was right on the edge of what he could stand. One way or another, he would be wrecked tomorrow, and he needed to sleep. “Yes,” he finally said, hating the necessity of it but knowing he had no choice.

The hypo hissed into his neck, and the relief was immediate. But with it came that fuzzy, lethargic feeling he hated. He would have been deadweight if Len had done that on the stairs.

It didn’t take long before he was ready to fall asleep. He moved slowly, stretching out. He felt Len kiss his forehead.

*****

Len pulled the blanket up over Chris and watched him sleep for a while. Then, he had a shower and got something to eat. A little while later, he got back into bed.

He sat up against the headboard, watching the slow rise and fall of Chris’ chest as tears stung his eyes. It broke his heart to see Chris hurting that badly and annoyed the fuck out of him that Chris could be so fucking stubborn about it. Len wanted to help him, but there were times when Chris couldn’t seem to see beyond his own singlemindedness. And that indomitable will. As much as Len admired that about him, it also made it damned hard for Chris to accept the help he sometimes still needed.

Chris pushed himself too hard all the time, and sometimes, his body just had enough. Yesterday was one too many emotional events, on top of the physical ones, and Chris didn’t have the reserves to handle it.

Len tried to calm down and sleep, but by about 4:00 am, he knew it wasn’t going to happen. He went downstairs to the study. It was 7:00 am in Atlanta. He opened the comm.

Beth answered. “Lenny, how are you doing? We’ve been wondering when you’d call. Though, it’s a bit early for you,” she looked at him and knew. “What’s wrong, honey?”

“It’s complicated. I’ve met someone,” Len said with a tired smile. “Someone very important to me.”

She smiled widely. “I’m thinking it’s more than just complicated, then. Tell me about her?”

“She’s a he, and that is the least of the complications,” Len said.

Beth laughed. “Oh, now that is a surprise. I can’t wait to hear the details. Who is it?”

“Christopher Pike. Admiral Christopher Pike,” Len said. He knew she’d recognize his name.

Her eyes widened. “Dear lord, really? How on earth did that happen?”

He could hear Davey and Missy in the background. “It’s complicated. And will require more time than you have right now.”

“I’m assuming you want to talk to Billy-Ray? I need to get the kids ready for school,” she said.

“Can I say hi to them?”

She turned around and called, “Missy, Davey, come say hi to Uncle Len.”

They all talked for a few minutes about what they were all doing, and then he could hear Billy-Ray on the stairs. “Lenny, hey. Let me take this into my office.”

The picture disappeared for a second and then reappeared with Billy-Ray sitting at his desk. “What can I do for you.”

“I just told Beth, and you will probably not believe this, but I’ve met someone. And it’s very complicated.”

“Knowing you, my brother, it always is. Go on, tell me,” Billy-Ray said, and he was smiling the same way Beth had.

“Admiral Christopher Pike,” Len said. “He told me he knows you.”

“Oh, that is complicated.” Billy-Ray looked, well, very surprised. “I do know him. Starfleet contracted me to treat him nine or ten months ago. I was surprised that he found me trustworthy enough to talk to.”

“I’m not. I’m sure Chris could feel how steady you are,” Len said. And knowing Chris as he did, Len was sure he found that comforting.

“I hope so,” Billy-Ray said. “How long have you and he been involved?”

“About a month.”

Billy-Ray’s mouth dropped open again. “How does that work?”

Even with Billy-Ray, Len was reluctant to say anything about the bond. “I think we’ve got some kind of empathic connection with each other. He was just there, and I have no idea how it worked. It’s like I’ve known him forever.”

“There’s more than that, isn’t there?” Billy-Ray said, seeming to know that Len was not up for discussing the possible bond.

“Yes. One thing is Chris hasn’t fully recovered from the accident, and he pushes himself to the point of exhaustion and to where the pain is one second away from taking him down completely with it.”

“You can tell he’s in that much pain.” It didn’t sound like Billy-Ray was asking a question. It was more like he knew.

“I don’t feel it. I just know it’s there,” Len admitted.

“Do you know it with other people?”

He didn’t want to talk about it, but he wouldn’t lie to Billy-Ray. “Yes. Sometimes. Especially with my patients. But not like it is with him.” Nothing and no one had ever been like it was with Chris.

“And Chris?” Billy-Ray asked, still looking thoughtful.

Len wasn’t sure what he should say, but given the conversation he and Chris had, he shook his head. “You should talk to him about that,” he said. “I don’t feel like I can talk about what he is or isn’t without his permission.”

Billy-Ray looked surprised by that, which was fair since there was very little in Len’s life, good or bad, that he hadn’t discussed in detail with Billy-Ray.

“I’m assuming that his being a man is something you’re going to work out between you. Does he have more experience with men than you do?” Billy-Ray asked.

“Less.” Len had to laugh at that. “I think we were both a little surprised to find this with another man, but you know, he is everything I could ever want in a partner. So, yes, we’ve been working that out on our own.”

“Then what other complications are there?” Billy-Ray asked.

“I think he needs to talk to someone about the accident. I guess still or again. About how he’s doing now, especially given the amount of pain he’s still living with,” Len said.

“Do you want me to recommend someone there?”

“I was going to ask you to talk to him again,” Len said, looking right at him and willing him to understand the necessity of it. “I know that he still isn’t going to talk to anyone who he doesn’t know and trust.”

“How do you know that?” the voice came from behind him.

“I could sense that when I asked you about it,” Len motioned him over. “And since you’ve seen Billy-Ray in the past, it wouldn’t take much for him to do it again.”

“Nice to see you, Chris,” Billy-Ray said, smiling.

“And you, William. I have to admit, I’ve thought about getting back in touch with you,” Chris said.

Len stood and gently urged Chris into his chair, putting his hands on Chris’ shoulders. “How are you feeling? Are you hungry? You missed dinner.”

“Much better, but still fuzzy-headed. I hate this feeling. I’ll get some breakfast soon,” Chris said, patting one of his hands. “Thank you.”

Len smiled down at him and ran the back of a finger along the nape of Chris’ neck. He shivered a little and smiled back at Len.

“Do you want to start with me again,” Billy-Ray asked. “Your relationship with Lenny makes it much more complicated.”

“You know, you’re not supposed to call him that,” Chris said, smiling. “Damn. I have no filter when I’m this fuzzy-minded.”

Billy-Ray laughed. “I won’t hold it against you. And I think of him as Lenny,” Billy-Ray said. “I’ve known him a long time.”

“I’m right here,” Len said. “You could at least try to call me Len.”

“Do I get to ask you to call me William?” Billy-Ray smirked at him. “Lenny isn’t as bad as Billy-Ray.”

“Wait,” Chris said, sounding like he missed something. “I’ve heard you call him that.”

“Billy-Ray,” Len said. “I’ve called him that since I met him.”

“In high school,” Billy-Ray added. “When we were fifteen.”

Chris laughed. “How do you get there from William?”

“William Raymond Carson,” Billy-Ray said patiently. He’d probably had to explain that before.

“Is this a sore subject between you?” Chris asked.

“Not especially,” Billy-Ray said. “We tease each other about it. Most of my immediate family still calls me Billy-Ray.”

“So, you don’t care?” Chris asked.

“Not with you anymore. Do you want to start again?” Billy-Ray asked him again.

“Len seems to think it’s necessary. I probably should.” Chris looked up at Len and smiled.

Len squeezed his shoulders and rubbed his thumbs along Chris’ neck again. It was all Len could do not to drop a kiss on his mouth. “Thank you.”

“How does this work with both of you?” Billy-Ray asked. Looking amused and like he knew what Len was thinking.

“We’re working it out as we go,” Len said. “Neither of us has been in a relationship in a long time.”

“Let’s figure out a time, Chris. Plus, the whole family should come out at least one weekend while Len is there. When is a good day for you?” Billy-Ray asked.

“Probably Friday. I don’t have PT,” Chris said after a minute or two of clearly thinking about it.

Billy-Ray looked down at something in front of him. “I can do that. Maybe we’ll all come out for the weekend.”

“How many are you?” Chris asked.

“Two kids, thirteen and fourteen, and three adults counting momma,” he said.

“I have four extra bedrooms and a pull-out bed in the study,” Chris said. “I’m not sure I have enough food to feed two teenagers, but I suppose we can lay in some supplies.”

“That’s getting thrown into the deep end.” Billy-Ray smiled. “Len, you okay with that?”

“It’s his house. I would love to see all of you. I probably should have called sooner.” He looked down at Chris. “I’ve been busy.”

Billy-Ray just laughed. “Congratulations. I’m thrilled for you, and you know that Beth is as well. She’s probably already planning your wedding.”

“I think that’s a fine idea,” Chris said and paused for a second. “After I propose. Which I want to do, but it might be too soon.”

“Hey, how does that work? I thought I was going to propose,” Len said, laughing.

“You just think you’re in charge. It’s actually me. I’m the admiral,” Chris said. “Fuck. No filter right now.”

Len couldn’t help it. He leaned down and kissed Chris on his mouth.

“On that note, I need to get ready to go to work,” Billy-Ray said. “I guess we’ll see you both on Friday.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” Chris said.

So was Len.

*****

After Billy-Ray disconnected, Len looked at Chris and leaned down to kiss him again. “How are you doing? Really?”

“Better,” Chris said. “I’m sorry –”

“No,” Len said. “I’m sorry. I see a problem, and I want to fix it.” And when it was Chris, it was an imperative. He had to try to help.

“I know,” Chris said, smiling at him. “I should have listened. I’m bad at that.”

“No, really? I hadn’t noticed that at all,” Len said, and Chris laughed. “But last night –”

“That was the worst it’s been in months,” Chris said. “I feel like I’ve set myself back by pushing so hard. I need to step back sometimes and think about what I’m doing.”

“Can you feel the pain through the meds right now?” Len asked. He’d thought Chris had just had a bad night. Those were to be expected when someone was recovering from this kind of trauma. He didn’t think he’d handled it as well as he could have. But he was Chris’ partner, not his doctor, so he had no objectivity at all.

Chris shook his head. “No pain now. Sleeping helped a lot. I’m sure I’ll be sore later.”

“Probably,” Len said, his hands on Chris’ shoulders. “One more thing, how did Jonathan get in here last night.”

“When my grandfather told me he was leaving me the house, he also said that Jon might need a place to come at some point. So, his handprint was already programmed into the door. I left it there,” Chris said, looking up at him. “I’ll need to talk to him today.”

“You should,” Len agreed. “Before that, can I get you some breakfast before I head to work?”

“Sure, some coffee would be great. And you know, I think there are still some of the frozen egg sandwiches I made last week. You should eat one, too.” Chris pushed himself out of the chair and used his cane to move towards the door.

“Don’t even think about cooking,” Len ordered. Not that he thought it would do any good.

“You are so damned bossy,” Chris said, and it looked like he was trying not to smile at Len. “But in this case, you’re right. I wouldn’t even attempt it now. I need to get dressed.”

Len yawned. “Let me get you some coffee and one of those sandwiches first.”

“Did you sleep at all?” Chris asked, coming back towards him.

Len just shook his head. He couldn’t lie to Chris.

“I’m sorry,” Chris said. “This isn’t just about me anymore. You have to work all day.”

“It will not be the first or last time I do it without sleep. I’ve gone days without sleep when there was a crisis on the Enterprise,” Len said, laughing at Chris’s expression. “Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.”

Chris didn’t say anything, but he kissed Len softly. It was all Len needed.

*****

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