Reading Time: 66 Minutes

Title: Ain’t got no tears left to cry
Author: BytheBry
Fandom: 9-1-1: Lone Star
Genre: Angst, Contemporary, Episode Related, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort
Relationship(s): TK Strand/Carlos Reyes
Content Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Self Harm, Mentions-Addiction, Canon-Adultery, Canon-Kidnapping, Canon-Drugging, Permanent Breakup.
Author Note: Please note – I consider a singular POV to be an unreliable narrator. In this story, TK is an unreliable narrator. He is caught in his own life and worries. Is he seeing what truly is or are his emotions and circumstances ruling him. Or both? I leave that up to you, the reader.
Alpha: HarleyJQuin
Word Count: 88,789
Summary: How did it all change in the blink of an eye? They had been so happy. He thought he had conquered his inner demons. His life had been peaceful. He had pushed the red flags away. How did it all change?
Artist: CoCo

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Day 36

The rest of TK’s time in New York was a peaceful one. David left the day after their conversation with a long hug and promises that TK would keep him updated and reach out when he needed an objective opinion or advice. He had had a nice catch-up dinner with his close friends and a more intimate brunch with his closest friend Kyle. There had been a long phone call with Buck, filling him in on everything that had gone down in the past month. His last full day in New York was spent in Brooklyn with Enzo and Jonah. They visited some family friends, grabbed a pizza at Grimaldi’s, and introduced Jonah to the wonders of pizza. It was a day that TK hoped would get him through the next few weeks.

As he sat on the couch cuddling Jonah, TK felt ready to head back and attempt to fix his life.

He nuzzled Jonah’s soft hair, “I’ll miss you, sweet boy.” He sniffed his hair, committing his baby smell to memory. He smiled when Jonah just kept patting his face.

“I wish you’d let us come to the airport.”

TK looked at Enzo who had joined them and shook his head, “I’m not having you haul through to JFK just to drop me off, Zo. I’ll just go down the block, pick up some bagels I promised to bring back for a friend, and grab a cab.” He squeezed Jonah gently to him, “And this little dude hasn’t gone down for his nap yet so I get proper cuddles.”

Enzo sighed and cupped TK’s face, bending down to kiss his forehead. “I love you, mi figlio.”

TK smiled and leaned into Enzo’s left hand, “I love you, Zo.”

—

“You ready to go superstar?” Paul called out from his bedroom.

TK who was sitting on the couch laughed and called back, “I’ve been ready for ten minutes already! What are you even primping with, man, you have no hair!” He grinned when Paul came out with an unimpressed look on his face.

“Don’t you be talking about my head, man. It takes care to keep it this smooth,” Paul ran his hand over his head.

“You’re so handsome,” TK cooed, “best noggin in all of Texas,” he ended with a drawl.

Paul rolled his eyes even as he smiled, “You’ve been spending way too much time with Judd.”

TK smirked and stood up, then sauntered to the door.

“Now you’re sauntering around like him too!” Paul called out as TK left the apartment.

The two friends joked around as Paul drove them to Owen’s house for group game night. He had been surprised to find Paul waiting for him at the airport when he had previously mentioned that he would take an Uber. TK appreciated the way Paul didn’t just say he cared, he showed it.

He hadn’t heard from Owen since he had left and wasn’t looking forward to being in his house. But as it was Mateo’s turn to host since Carlos and he weren’t hosting anymore, he would have to suck it up and make polite conversation with his dad if Owen joined them.

Paul and Judd had kept TK filled in on how Owen would slip out of work without warning. A part of him desperately wanted to know what was going on with his father, another more cautious part of him wanted no part of whatever fresh hell Owen was up to. He had enough of his own problems and didn’t need any from Owen overflowing over into his life just because he was the man’s son. And Owen’s problems were always dangerous ones while TK’s were usually self-destructive and contained to only burning himself. He shook his head at his thoughts and shoved them away.

His son only when it’s convenient to him, his therapist’s words came back to him. He shook his head again, this was not the time or place to dwell on Owen’s lack of care.

Paul parked and they walked up the street. TK paused and stood staring at Owen’s house all lit up.

Paul nudged him gently, “We’re just gonna go in and have a good time. You don’t owe anyone anything.”

TK nodded and let out the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “Yeah. Thanks, Paul. Let’s go have a good time and eat the fancy dairy-free cheese and gluten-free crackers.”

Paul laughed and nudged TK again. “We’ll grab burgers on the way back. I always grab burgers after anything at Owen’s.”

They grinned at each other and walked to the front door. Paul knocked and opened the door. “We’re here!” he called out.

TK was amazed that after everything that had gone down in their lives, his dad still kept the door unlocked. It sent a panicky feeling fluttering through his chest. Anyone could just walk in off the street. Why didn’t his dad understand that?

“Come on back,” Owen called out.

TK licked his lips and took steadying breaths as they moved through the house and to the living room. He paused when Paul grabbed his arm and squeezed to make him focus. He looked curiously at Paul and then ahead before freezing at the sight of Iris sitting beside Nancy on the couch.

“TK!” Owen hurried toward TK and hugged him.

TK looked at Paul in confusion and lightly patted his dad’s back. “Hey, Dad.” He cleared his suddenly dry throat.

“I missed you, son.”

TK blinked. Owen had not called or texted him while he had been away. TK found it hard to believe Owen’s words when his actions did not match up. He glanced at Iris again and desperately wanted to know what she was doing there. Carlos was working tonight. He knew that. It was why he had agreed to come tonight. He looked at Paul, panic building in his chest. He did not want to meet Carlos here, surrounded by people. He wasn’t prepared to meet Carlos! And he refused to do it with Carlos’ cheerleaders and WIFE around!

Paul took a few steps further and called out casually. “Hey, Marjan, join me for a moment?”

Marjan’s smile was strained as she nodded. Paul returned to TK’s side and grabbed his arm, tugging him back, “You come too, TK. I need your opinion as well.” Paul led them to the hallway, glanced at TK then focused on Marjan. “Marj, what’s Iris doing here?”

Marjan glanced at them and winced, “It wasn’t my idea, Nancy invited her. Carlos is working tonight so Nancy invited Iris to come to game night since she had such a good time the last time Iris and Nancy hung out.”

“The last time?” TK asked in a hollow tone.

Marjan sighed and rubbed TK’s arm, “Carlos had Nancy over and Iris and Michelle were both there. Nancy was thrilled to catch up with Michelle and took an immediate liking to Iris. Apparently, she loves her sense of humor.”

“It would have been nice if someone had thought to warn TK,” Paul whispered furiously.

“I thought Nancy had,” Marjan whispered back. “I’m so sorry, TK.”

TK squeezed his eyes shut then nodded and opened them. “Not your fault, Marjan. Nancy should have told me.”

“Told you what?”

They turned around at Mateo’s voice to find him standing behind them.

TK cleared his throat and stepped back. He glanced at Paul and decided enough was enough. “Should have told me that Iris was part of this evening’s group.”

“Why? We only have to tell if we’re bringing someone with us, not when we’re hosting,” Mateo pointed out in confusion.

Marjan sighed deeply and made a pained noise as she pressed her fingertips to her brow. “Not because of another person, Mateo, but because she’s Iris.”

“What’s wrong with Iris?”

The three exchanged a look as TK wondered if Mateo could truly be that oblivious.

“What’s the hold-up?” Nancy asked as she walked down the hallway and joined them.

“These three feel we should have given them a heads up that we have another person here,” Mateo immediately filled his girlfriend in.

“Not another person, but Iris here,” Paul said firmly.

“What’s wrong with Iris?” Nancy asked.

Mateo threw up his hands, “That’s what I asked!”

“Iris, Carlos’ wife, Iris,” Marjan said softly.

“Iris, TK’s fiancé-boyfriend-relationship-undefined’s wife, Iris,” Paul said.

TK winced internally at the descriptors but nodded as they were apt. They felt like a jab to his gut, but they were apt.

Nancy sighed, “TK, all I was thinking was that she is my former captain’s sister. She is my friend Carlos’ oldest friend. She is someone going through a hard time. She needs my support.”

TK’s mouth dropped open. Nancy had just flat out told him that she hadn’t even considered him and all she’d focused on was Iris and her needs. He shook his head, he didn’t even rate with her. He rubbed his finger along the ring on his thumb. He could do this, he could stand up for himself.

“I’ll leave you guys to enjoy your night,” TK said politely. He looked at Paul, “You stay, I’ll take an Uber back.”

“TK,” Paul began.

TK shook his head, “No, man, it’s fine. I’ll go.” He smiled tightly at Marjan and turned, walking away.

“TK,” Nancy called out.

TK ignored her and left the house.

He walked to the end of the street, sat down on the curb, and ordered himself an Uber. He shook his head, he had spent many a day sitting right there waiting for an Uber when Gwyneth was living in Austin and she and Owen would get into another fight. He winced, or when they would have sex. Loudly. With no thought given toward the thin walls or the adult son, they had guilted into living there.

He ran his tongue over his dry lips and swallowed. He knew word of his exit would get back to Carlos. Would he be mad at him for walking out? Or would he understand that it was cruel to expect TK to spend time with Carlos’ legal wife? He wrapped his arms around his knees, but not for long though. He was sure Carlos had begun the divorce proceedings and that’s what he had called him over to tell him tomorrow. Would they be able to laugh over Iris’ silly idea of an annulment?

Since Carlos was sure he wanted to hold onto this friendship with Iris would TK be able to joke about this with Iris in the years to come? He hoped so. He hoped with everything he had that if Iris Blake was going to continue to stay in his life they would be able to get along as acquaintances. As Kyle had pointed out, just how often would he end up seeing Iris? Occasionally for lunch or dinner? Maybe in a year or so from now, he’d invite her if he threw Carlos a birthday party. Other than that he could stay out of Carlos and her friendship. Except here she is at group game night. He blinked and forced the thought away.

“An oversight,” he said out loud. Nancy wasn’t thinking and now that she knew, she wouldn’t do it again. But he’d be sure to check in the future anyway.

“There you are. Come back inside, son.”

TK glanced to the left and saw Owen having stopped a bit away from him. “No thanks Dad, I’m just waiting for my Uber.” He focused back on his knees.

TK heard Owen sigh heavily before he closed the distance between them and sat down beside TK. TK thought back to the last time they had sat this way. Back in New York when they were discussing his accidental overdose.

“Why are you going home?” Owen finally asked. “And come to think of it, where IS home? Iris mentioned you had moved out of your and Carlos’ place. Why did I have to find that out from Iris and not you?”

TK blinked at the number of questions aimed at him. He decided to just answer the first question and ignore the rest unless asked again. “I’m going home because I do not want to spend the evening with Iris.”

“You could try being nicer to Iris, son. The way you left was rude and embarrassing for her.”

“I didn’t want to risk being rude to her, which is why I left. It’s only embarrassing for her if one of you saw fit to tell her I left because of her presence. If she was told that, then that person’s lack of tact is not my problem.” TK fisted his hand, digging his nail into his palm.

Owen winced, “She asked, so Mateo told her. He’s a sweet guy but needs to watch his filter at times.”

Yeah, there’s a lot of that going around. But it should be fine, Iris lacks a filter too so she shouldn’t get upset when she meets someone like that. TK knew his thought was a petty one but he couldn’t help the direction his internal thoughts took. He sighed, “Seems like something you should be speaking to Mateo about and not me.”

Owen sighed and changed the topic. “Where are you living right now TK?”

“Paul generously offered me his couch.”

“Why didn’t you come home?” Owen asked softly.

“Living at Paul’s is a better situation for me, Dad. Less people around so I can just chill out,” TK explained carefully.

“It’s just Mateo and me here.”

“And Nancy and whichever ONS you pick up,” TK muttered.

“You don’t want Nancy around? And what’s ONS?” Owen asked curiously.

“It’s not my place to decide who gets to be around your house. I just can’t deal with the amount of people that move around your place right now.” TK flushed, “ONS is One Night Strand. It’s the nickname the 126 have for you.”

Owen’s mouth dropped open, “You’re kidding me!”

TK rubbed his face, “I wish I was.”

“I can ask Nancy not to come around for some time, TK.”

“Dad, it’s not necessary. I’m happy to be at Paul’s. Thanks for the offer.”

“You’re happy to share a bathroom and sleep on the couch?” Owen asked incredulously.

TK gave him a baffled look, “My first apartment was a shoebox in New York. My bed WAS a couch. And I have lived with a man for a year. I’m used to sharing.”

“Sharing with your boyfriend and sharing with a roommate is not the same, TK.”

Thank you for pointing out the obvious Dad. “I know,” was all TK said.

“Why did you move out?” Owen asked softly.

TK looked up as a car came down the street. He identified it as his Uber and stood up. “I moved out cause my fiancé has a wife, and it hurt my feelings. Goodnight.”

He got into the car and closed the door. As the car drove away he looked in the rearview mirror and saw Owen still sitting on the sidewalk.

Day 37

The next day TK took extra care with his appearance. He wore the new beige ankle-length trousers he had bought with a white T-shirt and white sneakers. He smiled at himself in the mirror and left Paul’s bedroom.

Paul whistled when he saw TK, “Looking good, TK.”

“Thanks,” TK said happily. “Enzo, J, and Uncle David took me shopping to cheer me up.” He tapped on his phone, pulled up a picture, and showed it to Paul, “I bought Jonah the same thing.”

Paul smiled at the photo of Jonah and TK wearing their matching outfits. He examined the picture more closely, “Is that kid wearing Gucci baby shoes?”

TK laughed, “My mom,” he shook his head fondly, “Our mom, she loved her brands and loved shopping for the people she loved. I have the same ones.” He took a few steps back and showed Paul his sneakers.

Paul grinned, “The New York boy has returned to Texas. I love it.”

TK smiled and nodded. “It felt so good to be who I was there again, wear the clothes I used to, wear the Rolex my family bought me when I turned twenty-one.” He laughed at Paul’s incredulous expression, “Yup! My twenty-first birthday present was a Rolex. My family – mom, Enzo, and his family went all in and got it for me.”

“I know Enzo is a father to you. I didn’t realize his family was all in too.”

TK nodded, “Oh yeah, I have a huge love family between Enzo and his family, and Owen’s found family at the 252. All the kids of the 9/11 crew from the 252 bonded together, and we’ve kept in touch. Then we’re three of us with the Rossi’s who aren’t biologically related. But we’ve never been treated any differently than the other cousins.” He smiled at Paul, “It’s really nice. The acceptance and love.”

“That sounds wonderful, TK. I’m glad you have that. They all on the East Coast?”

“Ah, no. Half on the east and half west. Zo’s parents moved to a retirement community area on the west coast near LA. They had had enough of the cold. I wouldn’t be surprised if Enzo or one of the brothers follows them.”

“You okay with Enzo potentially moving?” Paul asked. “You do refer to New York as home.”

TK smiled, “Zo is my home. Wherever he and J go, will be home.”

“You are blessed, brother,” Paul said gently.

“Yes,” TK sighed, “I really am.” He looked around, “Okay, I’m gonna go. After I meet Carlos I’m going to check out that new development on Lavaca. They do furnished short-term rentals.”

“I hope things go well with Carlos. Don’t feel you need to go rent, you’re welcome to stay here. Don’t drain your savings,” Paul said seriously.

TK leaned down and hugged Paul, “Thank you. I’m blessed to have a friend like you.”

Paul patted TK’s back, “Now go before you make me tear up, man.”

TK laughed, “I promise if I stay on I’ll limit the times we emotionally sob all over each other to once every four weeks.”

“You were evil to have sat there watching The Hobbit and then introducing me to its fanfiction and you know it!” Paul said firmly.

“Hey, you loved the fanfics!” TK protested.

“Cute cabbage patch babies,” Paul knuckled his eyes, “Dear Lord, it was all too much cute going on. Then you showed me Jonah dressed as a Hobbit garden baby!” He narrowed his eyes and pointed at TK, “Evil.”

TK bowed, “I try.” He laughed and waved as he headed out the door with a light heart and spring in his step. It was time to figure out his future.

—

TK stood at the door to his apartment, he shook his head, his former apartment and wondered at how quickly life changed. He looked at the key in his hand, then put it back in his pocket and knocked on the door.

The door slid open and TK realized just how much he’d missed Carlos these past eight days.

“TK,” Carlos sighed and immediately tugged TK into a tight hug.

TK for his part latched on in return and hugged Carlos back, tucking his face against his neck and just breathing him in.

They finally pulled back after a long moment and smiled at each other.

“You look great,” Carlos said honestly as he took TK in from head to toe.

TK smiled and squeezed Carlos’ arm, “Thanks.” He wished he could say the same. Carlos looked stressed and tired. His usually healthy curls had opened up as if he had been tugging at them. Something Carlos did not normally do. His skin did not look hydrated and he was squinting.

“Do you want to take your contacts out?” TK asked gently.

“Ah, I’d love to but my glasses broke. Come in,” Carlos shut the door and gently tugged TK over to the couch.

TK desperately wanted to know how Carlos’ glasses broke. The man was always so careful with his things.

“How are Jonah and Enzo?” Carlos asked after they had sat down.

TK smiled, “Both are doing well. Jonah is into everything! I enjoyed my visit very much. Seeing Enzo parenting a tiny human,” he paused and patted his heart, “my heart is full of joy for him.”

“That’s wonderful, TK,” Carlos said softly.

“How are your parents doing?” TK forced himself and asked politely.

Carlos bobbed his head, “Doing alright. Dad’s been a little busy at work, and Mom,” he hesitated, “Mom’s been spending time with Iris. Helping her settle, trips for coffee and whatnot.”

Carlos looked like he already deeply regretted mentioning that.

TK just nodded and decided to give him a pass. “That’s nice of her.” He smiled suddenly, “Gabriel called me by mistake when I was in New York and ended up on a video call with all of us. He particularly enjoyed Jonah telling him all about the waffles he was eating. He bribed J into a visit with the promise of taking him to ride a horsie.”

Carlos’ face softened, “That’s just precious. Dad loves kids.”

“He’d be the happiest abuelo around if his grandchildren lived closer. They planned to go visit them in El Paso, right?”

“Yes, soon.” Carlos hesitated then spoke, “Are you still living with Paul?”

TK took a moment to settle himself, “Yes. Later today I’m going to go look at the new development on Lavaca. They do furnished short-term rentals.”

“TK,” Carlos said softly, “please come back home.” He grabbed TK’s hand and squeezed, “I miss you.”

TK bit his lip, “I miss you too, Carlos. But you know why I can’t move back just yet. Not until the reason I moved out has been resolved. And it’s a short-term rental. Once your divorce comes through I can move back and we can work on our relationship.” He frowned as the color drained out of Carlos’ face.

“About that,” Carlos began and was interrupted by a knock on the door. “Damn, sorry, just a sec.”

TK watched Carlos walk away. He looked around the apartment and took in the changes that sprung out at him. There was a new blanket on the armchair. He refused to feel guilty about that. His comfy blanket was now folded away on Paul’s couch. He slept with the comfort of his grandma’s love every night. Blackout shades on the windows. He wondered at that one. They loved the way the sun lit up the space and had only put blackout shades in the bedroom. He wondered why Carlos had added them. He frowned when he saw the empty window sill. The herbs. Where were all the herbs he had taken great care to grow and maintain for Carlos because he enjoyed using them in the food he cooked? He looked around but did not see the pots anywhere.

“Sorry about that, TK, groceries,” Carlos said as he set the bags down on the kitchen counter.

TK stood up and joined him in the kitchen. “You got groceries delivered?” He was confused. Carlos hated people choosing his produce and meat. He watched Carlos empty out a bag. “Carlos, I think you have the wrong order,” TK pointed out as his eyes flew over the prawns and sweet-flavored Greek yogurt pots. They ate plain Greek yogurt and Carlos didn’t like prawns.

“Uh, no, these are mine,” Carlos mumbled. “Iris,” he smiled tightly, “Iris likes this yogurt and loves prawns.”

TK felt a chill run through him and forced himself to nod. So, Iris was very much around and around to the extent that Carlos was stocking food for her. He decided to change the topic.

“Where did all the herb pots go? Stella from the nursery said by the window with the sunlight was the best spot for them.” He glanced at the kitchen window and confirmed they weren’t there either. Did Carlos have to move them because of the blackout shades?

“Oh, um, the smell of the fresh basil was giving Iris a headache so I had to move them,” Carlos said.

TK could not help but notice that Carlos did not meet his eyes. Just how often and for how long was Iris coming over or lingering and complaining as a guest for Carlos to have moved their beloved plants away for her comfort?”

“So, where are they?” TK asked.

“At your dad’s,” Carlos said with a small smile. “I mentioned Iris’ problem to Nancy and she talked to Owen who happily agreed to take them.”

Take them, implied that it was not temporary. Carlos had rehomed the herbs and plants TK had painstakingly grown for him. “Oh,” was all he could say.

The good, light, hopeful mood TK had arrived with was rapidly deflating.

“Let’s sit?” Carlos asked.

TK nodded and followed Carlos to the couch where he made sure to keep some distance between them.

“So, um, there’s something we need to talk about. Things I need to tell you,” Carlos said seriously.

TK nodded encouragingly.

“I haven’t filed for divorce yet.”

TK could not help but wrap his arms around himself to warm himself up. He felt chilled. “Why not?” he finally asked after a long moment of silence.

It had been over a week since he had moved out and instead of making any progress, it seemed like Iris had become a bigger part of Carlos’ life. And of TK’s social circle. In eight days.

“Iris is in jeopardy of losing her health insurance and may need to go back on mine,” Carlos blurted out.

TK’s jaw dropped, “What happened to her job?”

“She’s been suspended pending a review.”

“Why? What happened?” TK felt he deserved to know what was going on.

“Something happened the day I met Iris that I didn’t tell you about,” Carlos said reluctantly. “Um, she slapped me.”

TK froze and just sat staring at Carlos as his words sunk in. “She slapped you,” he repeated slowly.

“She was upset with me for not seeing her and rightly so,” Carlos rushed to explain.

“SHE didn’t get in touch with you. Her sister didn’t get in touch with you. How are you to blame?”

“I am,” Carlos said softly, “don’t you see?”

“I honestly don’t see, Carlos,” TK said honestly.

“I abandoned her, TK!” Carlos snapped. When TK jerked back in surprise he lowered his tone. “I stopped looking for her and when she was found I didn’t visit.”

“You helped keep her abusive, stalking, all-around horrible human being of a sister out of jail,” TK said as calmly as he could. “You said you didn’t even get a chance to meet her before Michelle let her go back to live on the streets.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, he could not believe he was having this conversation. “Your insurance helped her get her life back!”

“She knows,” Carlos said hurriedly. “It was just the one slap and then we just went past it and began talking like the years hadn’t separated us.”

TK was getting a really bad feeling about this. “You were okay with her slapping you across the face?” he asked carefully.

“I deserved it, TK,” Carlos repeated.

TK licked his dry lips, “Is that why you wanted us to just get past it and move on when I shoved you when Gabriel arrested Owen?”

Carlos met his eyes, “I deserved it. I shouldn’t have been the one to break the news to you, I shouldn’t have done it when you were at work and I shouldn’t have crowded you.”

TK felt extremely uneasy and wanted some time to dwell on what Carlos had said. Nobody deserves to be physically touched during a verbal fight. But he remembered that all Carlos had wanted to do was move past it and not discuss it.”

He sighed, “What happened with Iris’ job?”

Carlos sighed, “One of the staff who was with a patient saw it happen and they both reported it. Iris has been suspended. They said they had had previous complaints of her being too abrupt with people and now that she had gotten physical without provocation they needed to review her file.”

TK nodded, “That makes sense. Her medication dosage probably has to be adjusted. Has she met with her psychiatrist?”

Carlos shook his head, “She said she was fine and wouldn’t have done that to anyone else.”

TK’s eyebrows rose up at that. He wondered if Carlos could truly hear himself right now because, from his words, he was painting a very ugly picture for TK with his eerie calm about being physically assaulted by his at the time estranged wife.

“So, you have to stay married until Iris gets another job,” he stated.

“She’s sure she’ll get this job back,” Carlos assured him.

TK nodded and rubbed his palms down his thighs to soothe his nerves. “And she now spends enough time here that you’ve made changes to the place to accommodate her.” He tilted his head toward the blackout shades, “I noticed the blackout shades and of course our missing plants.”

Carlos winced, “The light bothers her at times.”

TK did not bother pointing out that what they had both loved about the place was that it was drenched in natural light.

“I guess I’ll look for a proper apartment,” he finally said dully.

“No! TK, why?” Carlos asked.

“A short-term rental won’t work with your new circumstances,” TK said softly.

“Why can’t you move back in?” Carlos pleaded.

TK looked at Carlos like he was crazy. “You just admitted your wife is here often enough to require changes for her comfort. I’m not open to this threesome situation.”

“It’s just for a little while! She’s just been so lonely. All her friends were other employees at the shelter. She’s lost her job and her friends in one go.”

“Her friends haven’t stuck by her?” TK asked curiously.

Carlos rubbed his head, “Her lack of filter, some of them accused her of using the meds as an excuse to be inappropriate.”

TK did not blame them for it. A friend like Iris would have a non-confrontational, nervous person like TK’s self-esteem in tatters.

“She really sounds like she needs to talk to her psychiatrist ‘cause her medication dosage could be off. She has been having regular meetings with her medical team, right?” He did not have to like Iris to be concerned about her.

“I don’t know,” Carlos said slowly. “She hasn’t wanted to discuss it.”

“So she needs you to stay married to her for your insurance, she had you make changes to your home for her comfort, but she won’t discuss your concerns regarding her health.” TK nodded and swallowed hard, “I guess I better be going. Take care, Carlos.”

Carlos gripped his hand, “When will I see you again?” he asked urgently.

TK forced himself to smile, “I don’t know.”

He stood up and walked away, sure that his entire life was changing around him.

—

“Hey, Ty, how did it go?” Enzo asked when he answered the phone.

TK had gone ahead with his plan to take a look at the furnished short-term rental and had called Enzo right after while sitting in his car.

“The apartment was fine. It’ll take me longer to get to work and it’s a bit pricey but within my budget thanks to living rent-free with dad.”

“Okay, and how did it go with Carlos?” Enzo asked gently.

“Awful,” TK said immediately. He squeezed his eyes shut, “He informed me he can’t go through with the divorce just yet.”

“Ty,” Enzo said in a hushed voice, “I want to ask why,” he trailed off.

“But will any reason really help?” TK asked.

Enzo sighed, “No.”

TK whispered, “I can’t believe this is my life right now.” He thumped his head back against the headrest.

—

TK knocked, waited for five seconds, then used the spare key Paul had given him and entered the apartment.

“Hey, TK,” Paul said as he entered.

He moved forward and draped his arms over the back of the couch, peering down at Paul who was reclined reading. “Hey.”

“Why’d you knock?”

“To be polite,” TK said with a little smile.

Paul sat up and thumped his foot on the cushion. “Come sit. I take it things didn’t go well?”

TK forced a smile on his face, “That obvious, huh?”

“You look like your soul took a hit today, brother,” Paul said gently.

TK circled around the couch and slowly slid down, “I feel like a part of my soul has been ripped out.”

Paul winced and put his Kindle down, his hand moving to grasp TK’s arm, “Talk with Carlos went that bad?”

TK chewed his lip for a long moment while coming to terms with what he had found out today. “He’s not getting a divorce,” he finally said. He felt Paul freeze beside him before he straightened up and tightened his grip on TK’s arm.

“What do you mean he’s not getting a divorce?” Paul asked incredulously. “He wants to stay married to a woman? He wants to betray his every word to you?”

TK winced at Paul’s words and met his eyes, “Iris was suspended from her job. She may need to go back on Carlos’ insurance. So he hasn’t filed yet and isn’t planning to until she gets another job.” He sighed heavily, “Which she isn’t looking for at the moment and is instead fighting the suspension.”

“That’s some next-level bullshit, TK,” Paul said disgustedly. “Does he think you’re just going to sit around waiting?”

TK shrugged and rested his head back against the couch, “Apparently so.”

Paul sighed and rubbed TK’s arm, “Stay. Don’t go moving out, TK.”

TK turned his head to look at Paul, “I asked to stay a few days, Paul, I can’t just stay on and be in your space.”

“Do you really want to be alone?” Paul asked while watching him closely.

TK paused. He hadn’t expected Paul to ask that. TK was always worried about being alone when upset. Far too often it had led him to self-sabotage.

“No,” he said honestly.

“Then stay,” Paul said firmly. “No need to be spending money on that overpriced soulless rental when you have this,” he waved his arm around to encompass his apartment.

TK smiled as Paul lightened the mood, “Yeah, you’re all soul, baby.”

“And don’t you forget it, honey,” Paul drawled with a laugh. He squeezed Tk’s arm, “You’ve got me. Team TK all the way.”

TK felt tears prick his eyes, “Thank you,” he settled his hand over Paul’s and squeezed.

—

“Come home, TK, come back to New York.”

TK stared up at the ceiling, his phone pressed to his ear as he spoke softly to Enzo. He’d been surprised at the call but understood how worried Enzo was about him.

“I can’t just come back, Zo.” TK sighed, “Lateral transfers aren’t as simple as Owen Strand made them out to be. And me being the one asking, if I get it, I’ll always have to live with getting it because of Dad. The Nepo baby tag is not an easy one to bear. As is people talk that I was a legacy hire.”

Enzo sighed, “Forgive me my sweet boy but I’m going to ask the question I didn’t when you began down this career path. Are you SURE this is what you want to do with your life?”

TK was silent for a long moment before he finally admitted, “I don’t know. I loved the idea of being a firefighter. But I’m no longer sure if I did it for myself or to be closer to Owen. I had been content with being a paramedic, stepping out of Owen’s shadow, but lately, I’ve not been enjoying it much. But I don’t know what else to do.”

“This is life allowing you to find out,” Enzo said gently. “Come home. Take a break. Spend time with your people here and take the time to figure out a job you’d be happy doing. A first responder is not limited to being a firefighter or paramedic. Explore all your options and keep LA as a factor in them. I want you to be there with us, Ty.”

“You decided to move?” TK asked quickly.

“Yes. You were right. I’m living with a ghost here. I need to raise Jonah without Gwyn’s opinions weighing on me and one of them was raising him in this apartment in this city versus the house with a yard that I’ve always wanted for you and now for Jonah.”

TK sighed in relief, “I’m proud of you, Zo.”

“Let’s work on ourselves and make this our hot girl summer.”

TK groaned, “Your students have got to stop teaching you these things! Though you are a catch! Anyone would be lucky to have you.”

Enzo laughed, “Excuse you, I can buy myself flowers and write my name in the sand!”

“Oh my god!” TK laughed delightedly as Enzo began quoting Miley Cyrus at him. He smiled as he listened to his Zo. Things would be okay and life would get better. For both of them.

Day 38

The next morning TK sat on Paul’s couch with a list in his lap. He ran his hands through his hair and wondered what he should do next. Call LAFD and ask if a lateral transfer was possible? Find another job? Go back to university? Wherever he went, if it was a fire department, chances were high that he would eventually be connected as a legacy kid. Son of one of the firefighters who had bravely stood through 9/11. He pressed his head back against the couch and stared up at the ceiling. What was he going to do?

A lateral transfer would be difficult. And it would still either leave him waiting in Austin until something opened up or moving on without a job. And where should he move to? Back to New York? Or move on to Los Angeles where Enzo planned to move to next year? Would he be okay not being a first responder if it meant he could get out of Austin as soon as possible?

He sat tapping his fingers on his thigh when Paul came home.

“You look like you’re thinking deep thoughts, man,” Paul observed as he set down the groceries he had bought on the table.

“What if I just quit?” TK blurted out.

“TK?” Paul asked, alarmed.

TK met his eyes, “What if I just quit?” he repeated. “Move to LA, settle in, look for a job, any job, maybe take a course or two? Just move on with my life away from here. Just end my life here and walk away. Swift and clean.”

Paul slowly sat down beside him, “You don’t want to look at the LAFD?”

TK shook his head, “Paul, it’s not like lateral transfers are easy. The only reason Owen could move a bunch of us over is because the brass gave him a free hand to rebuild. What are the chances I can get a spot as a firefighter or paramedic in LA right away?”

“You’re in that much of a hurry to leave?” Paul asked softly. “Don’t torch your career, TK.”

“I’m not,” TK said firmly. “I promise, I’m not being hasty and am thinking this through.” He ran his hands down his thighs, “I just can’t be around here. Not with Carlos around with Iris in tow. Not with Nancy and Mateo who are now friends with Iris of all people. Why would I stay and torture myself this way?” He reached out and squeezed Paul’s arm, “Please don’t think I’m not considering you in this. You, Marjan, Judd, Grace, Cooper, you’re all my friends and I appreciate you guys so much.”

He blew out a shaky breath, “But there’s nothing left for me here, Paul. And the longer I stay, the more it will chip away at my mental health. At my self-esteem. I don’t want to drown in this humiliation Carlos seems set to heap on me each time he parades in public and by that, I mean on social media, with his wife,” he whispered.

Paul tugged TK into a hug, “I understand, brother, I understand.” Paul squeezed TK in his arms and held him as TK contemplated all that he was going to be losing.

—

It was four hours into TK’s first shift back and he was preoccupied. Not enough for it to interfere with his job and certainly not enough for it to go unnoticed that Nancy and Owen hadn’t said anything personal to him that day.

He knew Nancy would stew and eventually come out with whatever was on her mind so he set it aside and focused on observing his father. Owen had been glued to his phone. His phone would ring, he would look around to see who was close, and then either take the call or reject it and text away.

Judd joined him and crossed his arms over his chest, “With all the secrecy he has going on, it makes me wonder if he’s hooking up with a married woman.”

TK made a face. He did not want to think about his father’s sex life. “It would explain the black eye he had,” he thought back, “twenty-five ish days ago.” It felt like a lifetime had gone by since his life had imploded.

“Has he talked to you?” Judd asked in a low voice.

“Not while I was away. I went to game night at his house the day I got back. I left when I saw Iris there. He came out to talk to me while I waited for an Uber.”

“Say what now?” Judd dropped his arms and looked at TK in shock. “Iris was at Owen’s?

TK shrugged, “Apparently Carlos was working, she didn’t want to be alone, she had had a good time at some get-together Carlos had had with Nancy, Iris, and Michelle, and now Nancy and she are friends? So Nancy and Mateo invited her.”

“I am appalled on your behalf and that’s the only polite thing I can say about this situation,” Judd rumbled. He rubbed his jaw and went back to watching Owen, “There’s something that’s changed with you. Is it a pancakes and fancy fries conversation or a cuddle with Char conversation?”

TK pressed his shoulder against Judd’s, “It could be a pancake and fancy fries conversation but Grace will kill us if we go without her again. So let’s make it a cuddle with Char conversation.” In his heart, he knew he had to now get used to the fact that his let’s get pancakes, fancy fries and chat conversations with Judd were coming to an end. His relationship with Judd was something he knew he’d miss when he moved away and now he was sure it was a when and not if.

—

Hours later TK sat in a quiet corner sorting through his finances. Thanks to Owen and then Carlos not charging him rent and Roberto investing well for him, his finances were in a solid spot. Add to that the investments Roberto made on Gwyn’s behalf which he had inherited meant that he was financially secure enough to be able to budget himself if he was out of a job for the next few months.

Not that he planned to be. TK had decided he would take any job he got just to stay in a routine and keep bringing in some income. He liked Enzo’s suggestion about maybe going back to university and gaining his master’s degree. He was pleased with his growth. Instead of torpedoing his life, he was sitting there calmly planning for his future.

He knew the grief would hit him eventually and it would hit him hard. He loved Carlos. Loves him. Walking away after all they had been through together felt cowardly. But TK didn’t think their love was worth fighting for when there was no trust left. Carlos had made sure of that with his betrayal. TK would not be able to trust him again. A small part of him admitted that Carlos didn’t seem to be doing anything to earn his trust back either.

“Hey, how was your trip?”

TK closed his iPad when Nancy joined him. “It was good to get away. Jonah’s gotten bigger. Communicating with him is easier. I’m glad I went.” He took a sip of his water. “How have you been?”

Nancy smiled, “That’s nice. He’s a sweet little guy.” She was silent for a moment then nodded, “I’m good. I’ve been back in touch with Michelle,” she looked at TK, “Captain Blake.” She sighed, “She told me what all Iris has been through, how she’s come out of it stronger,” she trailed off and looked at TK with a hopeful expression on her face.

TK stiffened up the moment Nancy brought up Michelle. He met her gaze, at a loss as to what she wanted him to say. What was the appropriate reaction when your colleague started talking about how much your fiancé’s wife has been through? Ex, he’s your ex-fiancé. Ex everything.

“TK?” Nancy prompted softly.

TK decided to be honest, “I don’t know what you want me to say here, Nance.”

“Tell me you understand, that you get what a hard time she’s had. Life has not been easy for her,” Nancy said carefully.

“Of course, I get that. I think she’s been very brave, it takes a lot of courage to rebuild her life the way she has,” TK finally said honestly.

“Then why did you leave that night? It really hurt Iris’ feelings that you didn’t want to be in the same room as her,” Nancy said emotionally.

TK was finding it very difficult to maintain his composure and not snap at Nancy. He reminded himself that she was a nice person who felt deeply for her former captain’s sister. Her former captain who was a verbally abusive, manipulative, awful human being. And Nancy had known about it. He shoved the thought away. Why didn’t Nancy seem to have any empathy for what he was going through?

He took another sip of water and swallowed back his emotions, “You can’t expect me to want to spend time and be social with my fiancé’s wife,” he said as calmly as he could. He wanted to start referring to Carlos as his ex, the sooner he got used to it, the better it would be for him. But he would hold off as he and Carlos hadn’t discussed their current relationship status. He didn’t want to embarrass Carlos.

“You know that’s in name only.”

TK blinked, “Yes, I know it’s in name only considering I have been with Carlos for over two years and never knew about Iris.”

Nancy had the grace to flush at that.

TK sighed, “Look, you’re welcome to invite her places. I don’t mind staying away.”

Nancy frowned, “But that doesn’t work. If you don’t come, Paul and Marjan said they won’t either.”

“I don’t make decisions for them. You’ll have to take that up with them. I can only speak for myself, and I won’t be coming if Iris is. There is no way I’ll be putting myself in the position of hanging out with Carlos’ wife.”

“Even if Carlos comes?” Nancy asked.

“Yes,” TK said with a note of finality in his voice. He picked up his iPad, “I’m not stopping Carlos from being her friend either. Everyone can do whatever they want as long as no one is making decisions and choices for me.”

He stood up and walked away. Nancy had picked a side, Iris’ side, and he was surprised to find that he was fine with that. He had been expecting it even.

Day 39

TK knocked on Tommy’s door, “Hey, do you have a long minute?” he asked politely. “I need to talk to you.”

“TK,” Tommy smiled at him, “of course. Come on in and have a seat.”

TK sat down and ran his hands down his thighs to settle himself. They were offline for an hour after back-to-back calls. TK knew now was the best time for this conversation.

He looked up and met Tommy’s eyes, “I wanted to let you know that I’ll be putting in my two-week notice at the end of shift.” He watched her eyes widen in shock, “I hope this stays confidential and my privacy is respected. I would prefer people didn’t know I was leaving unless I choose to tell them. Captain Strand being one of the people who don’t know that I plan to leave. Though I do understand it may come out when you interview to fill my spot.” He was grateful Tommy heard him out without interruption.

Tommy placed her arms on her desk and leaned forward, “I realize there’s a lot that’s happened in your life, a lot that has happened to you, and that people haven’t been kind. Is there any way you have found me lacking as your captain? Anything I could do to help you stay? I can certainly help you transfer to another station in Austin if that is your wish.”

“I appreciate that, Cap, but I don’t intend to stay in Austin. I’m moving to New York. Working under you has been a solid experience for the most part.”

Tommy nodded, “I’m sorry to see you go, TK.” She sat back, “Can I ask what you didn’t enjoy about working with me? If it’s something I feel I can improve or fix, I’d like to do so.”

TK took a moment to wonder if he wanted to be honest with her. Then decided he would. He was set on leaving anyway and would rather she knew how he felt.

“The whole baseball situation with APD? I found it distasteful that you went along with Captain Strand who was locked in an ego battle with a fellow first responder over a difference of opinion.” He hesitated then forced himself to go on and finish what he had begun, “The way you treated Pearce but then brought him on just for his baseball skills just never sat right with me. It made me wary of when you’d do something like that to me when I displeased you.”

Tommy’s expression seemed to get more distressed as he spoke.

“When,” Tommy began woodenly, “you said when not if I’d do that to you.”

TK clenched his fists in his lap. He cursed himself for starting this conversation and wanted to run away. He swallowed hard and forced himself to continue, “You’d already judged him and found him lacking for not wanting to risk his life and walk into the minefield. I had too. We all had. It’s taken time for me to realize I can do this job as a job and not want to sacrifice my life for it. I realize we work in dangerous situations but I don’t want to take unnecessary risks. Maybe it means I’m truly not cut out to be out in the field. I don’t know. But I intend to spend some time finding out where my priorities lay.” He met her eyes, “I want to live, Tommy, and watch my brother grow up with me in his life. I don’t want to needlessly risk my life and have to be another family member he only hears about through stories.”

He hoped Tommy took the time to think about what he had said. She was a single mother jumping into situations with Owen. He didn’t want her daughters to end up as orphans because their mother was developing a hero complex the longer she was around Captain-Always-Wanting-To-Be-The-Hero-And-Slay-Dragons-Strand.

He slowly stood up, “Thank you for your time. As I said, I understand if my leaving comes out during my replacement interview process. That being said, if I receive any harassment over my decision to leave, I will file a complaint. My last day will be August thirteenth.”

He was almost to the door when Tommy spoke up. “Thank you for your honesty, TK. You’ve given me some things to think about.”

He turned and nodded at her then left. He was nearly free.

Day 43

TK looked at Paul, “You understand why I’m choosing to leave, right?”

Paul’s brow furrowed, “TK?”

“My relationship is over, Paul. We’ve not come right out and said it,” he paused, “I’ve not come right out and said it ‘cause I really shouldn’t be speaking for Carlos here, but I don’t see a way back,” he admitted softly.

“I have to admit I had been wondering the same,” Paul confessed gently.

“You have?”

“TK, how does one come back from that sort of betrayal?” Paul asked roughly.

“That’s what’s been on my mind.” TK rubbed his jaw, “This other stuff with Iris is just extra. At the core of it, Carlos,” he paused and measured his words, “I feel like, no I know Carlos betrayed me. I can’t shake the fact that he accepted my proposal while being married. That he was planning a wedding with me, our wedding while legally married. His mom and he keep repeating that the marriage is in name only. I find that so confusing. How do they not realize that means it’s a legal marriage? That Carlos, by law, is married to another person. It doesn’t matter to me that it’s a woman, what matters is the legality of it and him keeping it from me all this while.”

Paul shifted closer and squeezed TK’s shoulder, “I don’t even know, TK. You guys had been looking at venues for weeks. When had he planned to finally tell you?”

TK blew out a breath, “I don’t know. He didn’t have an answer for me when I asked.” He bent forward and pressed his face into his hands.

Paul rubbed TK’s back, “I would never blame you for leaving.”

“Yeah?” TK mumbled into his hands.

“I’m well aware that your relationship with Carlos was the only thing keeping you here,” Paul said. “Why would you stay if Carlos is no longer a factor rather than go be a full-time part of your brother’s life as he grows up.”

TK turned his head and smiled a watery smile at Paul, “So sure of where I’ll go even.”

Paul smiled, “So sure of you, my friend.” He sighed, “And anyone who holds it against you, well, A. It’s none of their business and B. They are too stupid to realize how it distressed you to have your ex thrust in your face because Nancy refused to take sides and now it even makes sense. She didn’t want to pick between Carlos who she knew through Michelle Blake and you.”

“Would you have been able to pick if you were in her position?” TK asked carefully. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear the answer.

“Yes,” Paul said firmly as he met his eyes, “I would keep my friendship with you both separate and either make the time to meet each of you separately or get off the fence and pick a side.” He hesitated and rubbed TK’s back, “There’s also your history with infidelity and your romantic partner betraying your trust,” he said softly. “After what you went through in New York with your ex, how it sent you spiraling, Carlos should have known better than to do this. I’m proud of the healthy choices you’re making, TK.”

TK closed his eyes and took a deep breath as relief rushed through him. He hadn’t realized just how good the validation of his feelings felt. He swallowed hard. Now he just had to figure his life out.

Day 46

TK sighed and flopped onto the couch, “You guys are being really mean to me. Friends don’t do that.”

“Friends don’t leave their sad friend alone and go out bowling,” Marjan said primly as she perched on the other end of the couch. “Tell him, Paul.”

“Hey, I’m with TK on this. I’d rather stay home and watch Manifest.”

TK held up his hand and pretended to high-five Paul across the room.

Marjan rolled her eyes at them, “Come on you guys, it’s bowling for badge vs ladders night! Seven of the A shifts have promised to show up. The 126 can’t be the ones who don’t show up! We go, play one game and then bounce out,” she cajoled.

“Why do we have to go? Make all the effort to go for one game?” Paul huffed.

“Cause Cap’s gonna be there being all buddy, pal with the other captains and he sucks at bowling?” Marjan said quickly.

“Marjan,” TK whined, “you have got to stop being the teacher’s pet here.”

“I can’t help that I’m his favorite!” Marjan protested.

TK raised his eyebrows at her, “You so can,” he said dryly.

“Okay, I can and don’t want to,” Marjan agreed with a laugh. She pointed at TK, “I just want you to come out and be around nice people for a bit. Be social. You’ve done nothing but come to work, go to the gym, and stay home for days!”

“And why do I have to come along?” Paul questioned.

“Cause you’re my best friend and that’s in the job description. You support me in all my endeavors,” Marjan said sweetly.

TK laughed, “She’s got you there, bud.”

Paul huffed and pointed at TK, “Then you have to come along ’cause you’re MY best friend and have to support me while I support Marj.”

“You can’t have two best friends!” TK protested.

Paul crossed his arms over his chest, “Says who?”

Loud knocking at the door had them looking over before Paul went and opened the door.

“You ain’t dressed yet or is this how you young people dress for socializing?” Judd asked as he and Grace walked in.

“We’re the same age,” Paul said dryly.

Grace laughed and patted Judd’s arm, “Don’t mind him, Wyatt’s been making him feel old.”

Judd looked at TK, “Wyatt said that I am the CEO of diaper changing, scolded me for calling his cheese vegan instead of dairy free but said it was DANK and he was FINNA coffee.” He took a slow deep breath.

TK pressed his lips together to swallow back his mirth while Marjan delicately covered her mouth with her hand. TK gently patted Judd’s hand that was resting on the back of the couch.

“Don’t there there me all insincere like, TK,” Judd grumbled.

“I am not being insincere,” TK protested.

“You find this funny,” Judd accused.

“I can find it funny and still sincerely there there you,” TK said sweetly.

Judd continued his mumbled grumbling but everyone could see the tiny smile on his face.

Grace clapped her hands, “What time are we leaving?”

“Yes guys, what time are we leaving? Grace and Judd got a sitter for Charlotte and everything,” Marjan said sweetly.

TK stared at her, “Charlotte’s at her godmama’s being cuddled up.”

Grace laughed as Marjan huffed.

“Come on, TK, I promise just one game or one hour whichever is quicker then you can leave,” Marjan promised.

TK narrowed his eyes at her then looked at Grace.

Grace held up her hands, “We plan to pick up Char from Tommy’s at eleven latest. We will happily stay an hour and go on to that nice cafe you and Judd go to all the damn time without me.”

TK laughed at the looks of betrayal Marjan and Paul sported.

“You go to the nice cafe with Judd?”

“Why aren’t we ever invited?”

“Wait, so Paul’s my best friend, TK is Paul’s best friend and Judd is TK’s best friend?” Marjan asked.

“Now wait a minute,” Judd protested. “I am too damn old to be having best friends!”

“I think it’s too late, hun,” Grace laughed and rubbed his back. “You have a best friend. A millennial one at that.”

Judd looked at TK who held up his hands, “I didn’t say anything.”

Judd shook his head and tugged on TK’s arm, “Up you go then best friend.”

“Judd,” TK whined and allowed Judd to haul him up.

“And best friend’s best friend?” he questioned as he grabbed Paul’s arm and began nudging them along to the bedroom.

“TK’s your best friend but best friend’s best friend isn’t accurate!” Marjan called out.

“Don’t think I don’t know when you’re trolling me, Marwani!” Judd called back causing Grace and Marjan to laugh. He pointed his finger between TK and Paul, “I promised my lady fancy pancakes, mini Strand. Hurry it up. One hour at bowling hell and then we can get truffle fries.”

Paul rubbed his jaw as they watched Judd march back to the living room. “Is it just me or did he sound positively giddy?”

TK grinned, “He loves the parmesan truffle fries. Always orders one for me and helps me by eating them.”

Paul laughed and clapped TK’s shoulder, “Well then come on, mini Strand, let’s not keep Judd from his truffle fries.”

—

TK took a step back as the noise of the bowling alley washed over him as they walked in. Grace’s arm slipping around his worked to ground him.

“You okay, hun?” Grace asked as he patted his arm.

TK smiled at her, “I’m glad we communicated and made up. I can’t imagine my life without you, Grace Ryder.”

“I feel the same. You’re a sweet boy and I just want the best for my Charlotte’s uncle.”

TK’s smile widened as the bruises on his heart healed a little more. He was set on leaving but these bonds would stay on and keep a part of him with the friends he had found here while he would take a part of them with him. They didn’t speak as it was noisy enough that they would have had to raise their voices to be heard.

Judd’s strong arms wrapped around both their shoulders as he steered them toward the lane the 126 was occupying. TK aimed a little wave at Mateo, Nancy, and Bonnie and allowed Cash to tug him into a hug. The man had been overly nice since the news of Carlos’ betrayal had come out.

TK was standing by the board watching and applauding Nancy’s strike when Judd and Paul boxed him in. He glanced at both of them and waited, knowing they’d have a reason for it.

“Don’t look to your left but Carlos is here,” Judd said close to his ear.

TK tilted his head, it was badge and ladder evening. He had assumed Carlos would be there.

“His parents are with him,” Judd added.

TK looked at Judd wondering what he was being eased into.

Paul sighed, “Just rip the bandaid off, man.”

“I don’t want it to hurt him!” Judd protested.

“It’s gonna hurt no matter how much care you take,” Paul pointed out.

“Guys?” Tk interrupted them. It was taking all he had not to look to his left.

Judd sighed in defeat, “Carlos is here with his parents and the Blakes.”

“The Blakes?” TK looked at Judd, his eyes wide with dawning horror.

“Michelle, Iris, and who I assume is their mother.”

And as much as he didn’t want to, TK began turning to look.

“Yo, TK! You’re up!” Mateo shouted.

TK flinched as he felt his team’s eyes on him. Hoping he didn’t look as shaken as he felt, he walked up and grabbed a ball for his turn. But all his attention was on how Carlos was here, among all their colleagues, with his family. His wife. His mother-in-law, his sister-in-law. He heard laughter and expected people to be laughing at him for being such a chump. It took a long moment to realize the laughter and booing was because he had rolled a gutter ball. He picked up another ball and rolled it, walking away before it hit.

He headed straight down to the bathroom and let cold water run over his wrists, hoping it would help calm him down. He looked up at his reflection, another day, another bathroom mirror where he looked like a mess, he thought hysterically.

“TK?”

He blinked and focused on Cash as the man stepped up and began washing his hands at the next sink.

“Dude, you okay?” You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Cash said.

“Not seen it yet,” TK mumbled.

“What’s that now?” Cash asked as he dried his hands.

“My ex is here with his wife and their families. I’m going to see the ghost of a future I’ll never have,” TK blew out a breath.

“Dude,” Cash said slowly, his voice hushed, “how can I help?”

TK shut off the water and just stood there, water dripping off his hands. “What?”

Cash looked at him for a moment, “When my sister found out her husband was cheating on her, what helped her was seeing them together with her own eyes. Do you think that would help you?” he asked frankly.

“Carlos isn’t cheating on me,” he felt the need to point out and defend Carlos.

Cash waved his hand negligently, “He’s here playing happy family with his wife, isn’t he? That’s close enough in the seein’ is believin’ department. So, do you need to see to process it?”

TK decided abruptly, “Yes.” Seeing would help cement it in his mind that he had made the right decision to quietly move on. He quickly dried his hands and headed out.

He nodded at Paul who he found waiting outside and moved to the left to look for Carlos.

“You sure you want to do this?” Paul asked.

TK wasn’t surprised Paul had caught on. “I need to do this.”

“Seventh lane,” was all Paul said.

TK located the right one and immediately saw Carlos, Iris, and Michelle laughing together. Andrea and the woman he assumed to be Mrs. Blake were sitting chatting together. Only Gabriel looked out of place for some reason.

TK took a steady breath. Well, that was that. To the outside eye, the group looked comfortable together and like they were having a good time. He just had to make it through another thirty minutes because he had promised Marjan and then he was out of there. He turned and was surprised to see Cash had joined Paul.

“What?” Cash asked, “I wasn’t gonna leave you to it alone.”

“Well thanks, I appreciate the support,” TK said as they began heading back to their own lane.

“Cash, man, good timing!” Mateo called out. “You’re up!”

“Watch the King!” Cash pointed his thumbs at himself and sauntered down to grab a ball.

TK rolled his eyes and smiled fondly. The man’s ego was immense but he would miss Cash too. He applauded and whooped with everyone else when Cash got a strike.

“Mini Strand, you’re up!” Someone from the other lane shouted. “It’d be real nice of you to help us out by getting another gutter ball or two!”

TK rolled his eyes and held up his finger to them, “I’ll try my best to help y’all out,” he drawled back, resulting in their delighted laughter.

When he bent to throw the ball he was startled to find Cash behind him. “What are you doing?” he asked curiously when Cash wrapped an arm around his waist.

“When my sister had to see her ex in a social situation flaunting his side piece, I got a good-looking guy to go up to her and flirt with her. Drove her ex bonkers,” Cash said as he helped TK hold the ball. “Same principle. You being into dudes and ya know, not related to me just made this a whole lot easier.”

TK laughed and shook his head, “Sure. You say that like you made complete sense.”

“I have made sense. You’ll see it at some point too. Now let’s bowl, Strand before Marwani starts freaking out again and gives us a talk on freakin’ team spirit.”

TK rolled his eyes and allowed Cash to guide his hand before releasing the ball. When he straightened up he laughed at the other man not moving back. “Now you’re just holding onto me, dude. No offense but I don’t like you that way.”

“None taken, dude. But we will celebrate,” Cash laughed and spun him around into a hug when TK got a strike. “Well done, sexy Strand!” he said loudly.

TK kept laughing and put his head down which gave Cash the opportunity to step closer so it looked like TK had pressed his head against Cash’s shoulder. “You’re horrible!”

“I’m a fuckin’ genius,” Cash countered.

TK shook his head and allowed Cash to wrap an arm around his shoulders and tug him to Paul. They stopped at the other team booing them, glanced at each other, and bowed to them, laughing at the good-natured ribbing that began.

TK gently pulled away from Cash when he reached Paul. As amusing as he found the man to be and as kind as this gesture was, TK didn’t want to show anyone that he was over what Carlos did. Though he did appreciate the ego boost. Enough people had looked at him with pity in their eyes for him not to catch up that the news of Carlos’ wife and the mess that was their lives was now known by more than a few.

—

TK was applauding the opposite team for winning and accepted the good-natured ribbing that he helped them win with his gutter balls. He turned to leave and stopped in surprise when he saw Gabriel standing by. He nodded at the man and moved toward Grace.

“TK, can we talk?”

TK pressed his lips together for a moment, swallowing back his instinctive no, and looked at Carlos’ father. “Sure.”

He followed Gabriel outside and shook his head as the noise reduced by over half. He pushed his hands into his pockets and stared at Gabriel, waiting for him to speak.

“Mijo, what are you doing?”

TK blinked, the words were tender but the what instead of how gave him pause. “What am I doing?” he repeated, confused.

Gabriel seemed uncomfortable but carried on, “What are you doing with that man? In there? We are surrounded by APD, a lot of people in there know you and Carlos are a couple. There’s already been talk, TK.”

TK just stared at Gabriel wondering if Carlos had told them that TK had moved out. That Iris seemed to be living at the apartment with him. Or at least spending enough time there to require changes and groceries.

“There you are, TK. I thought you left without us.”

TK tried to smile at Grace as she joined them but didn’t think he was successful.

“What’s goin’ on, TK?” Judd asked as he stood beside TK, keeping him in between Grace and him.

“Gabriel wants to know what I was doing in there letting a man teach me how to bowl while surrounded by the APD, a lot of whom know that Carlos and I are a couple. There’s been talk,” TK repeated dully.

“TK,” Gabriel said softly.

Judd cleared his throat, “Come now, Reyes, you really think that’s fair?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Gabriel asked, confused.

“Well, Carlos is in there with his family which includes his mother-in-law, his sister-in-law, oh, and his wife,” Judd drawled. “There’s been talk, a lot of talk. And you should have been talking to your son about his behavior in bringing his wife around, parading her around in there when there’s a lot of APD and AFD in there,” Judd said sternly.

“Judd,” TK said softly.

“No, TK, this needs to be said. I would have let it go but Mr. Reyes here chose to bring it up with the wrong party.”

“I,” Gabriel seemed to be caught on the wrong foot, “Iris is Carlos’ friend. The Blakes are our family friends. We were just using tonight to be reunited.”

“If that’s the justification you need to make yourself feel better you go ahead and use it, Sir, but we cannot in good conscience stand here and let you lay this guilt on TK,” Grace surprised them by speaking up in her usual gentle manner.

Gabriel glanced from Grace to TK, “Come join us, TK, you’re part of the family too,” he implored.

“I’m not,” TK said softly. He felt Grace squeeze his arm and took that as the sign he needed to be a little courageous, “I’m not,” he repeated as he met Gabriel’s eyes. “I called off our engagement when Carlos told me he was married. I moved out of the apartment when he kept pushing my boundaries by letting Iris come hang around. At last check, Iris is spending enough time in the apartment that my plants were bothering her so Carlos gave them away. I’m not part of your family, Gabriel. So me being here with another man isn’t any of your concern. Just like your son being here with his in-laws and his wife shouldn’t be my concern. Except apparently he hasn’t told anyone that we aren’t engaged anymore so here he has me coming off as the bad guy. Again.”

“TK,” Gabriel seemed stricken, “I did not know.”

When Gabriel took a step forward, TK took a step back. “You did not know because your son didn’t tell you. Maybe he doesn’t like to tell you anything that will rock the tiny boat of acceptance you’ve offered him. But that isn’t my concern anymore.” He looked at Grace, “I want to leave. Now.”

Grace patted his arm, “Yeah, hon, let’s go.”

Day 48

TK had been making a list of his essentials when he realized that while Owen had his paperwork file, his passport was sitting in Carlos’ apartment safe. He pressed his lips together, cursing himself for leaving it behind while trying to cut himself some slack. When he’d moved out, he hadn’t thought it would be forever.

Deciding this wasn’t something he could procrastinate on, he blew out a breath and texted Carlos.

TK – Hey, I just realized my passport is in the apartment safe. Can I come by and pick it up?

He was fiddling about on Instagram when Carlos’ message popped up.

Carlos – Yeah, come by any time. Or feel free to use your key. I’m home now.

He winced when he realized he still had his keys. He stood up, no time like the present. He wanted to get this done.

A short while later, TK knocked on the door and waited. He refused to use his key since he didn’t live there anymore.

The door opened to reveal the handsome face that haunted his dreams. “TK.”

TK tried to smile but didn’t think he succeeded. “Hey.” He entered when Carlos stood aside. He pointed his thumb toward the bedroom, “Do you mind if I get my things from the safe?”

“Yeah, of course, go ahead.”

TK was aware Carlos followed him into the bedroom but he figured that was his right. It was his space. Getting to the space hidden inside the closet, he unlocked it with the code and carefully pulled out the box with his belongings. Taking a look inside to check he hadn’t left anything behind, TK then opened his box and made sure his passport and a few pieces of jewelry like his watches were in there. He stilled when he came across the velvet pouch containing the ring he would have worn Carlos at their wedding. Carlos had chosen the ring he wanted and given it to TK. While the one TK had chosen was one he hadn’t bought yet. It was something he had wanted to go in person with Enzo and buy from the store. Now he was glad it was one less thing he’d have as a ghost of his relationship. He should return the ring to Carlos but it felt too big a thing to be impulsive about so he shut the box and turned to face Carlos.

“Thanks.” He pulled out his apartment keys and placed them on the bed, “Sorry I didn’t leave the keys when I left since we hadn’t spoken yet.”

“TK, please,” Carlos whispered.

TK finally met Carlos’ eyes and saw the same anguish reflected back at him.

“I’m not doing this to hurt you,” TK whispered.

“It looks like you’ve already moved on. How is that not supposed to hurt me?” Carlos asked softly.

“What?” TK asked, confused.

“At the bowling alley. That guy was wrapped all around you. Everyone asked me, TK,” Carlos said sadly.

TK swallowed hard and clutched his box, “You mean the night you saw fit to come to a badge and ladder night with your wife and in-laws and flaunt it in my face?”

“Stop calling her my wife, TK,” Carlos said tiredly as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Why not? That’s what she is,” TK paused. “Unless she finally signed the papers?”

Carlos shrugged uncomfortably, “Not yet. She just needs some time.”

“Time for what?” TK asked calmly while wondering why he was getting sucked back into this again.

After a long moment of silence, Carlos admitted, “She’s my oldest friend. She just wants to make sure I’m not making a mistake with this.”

TK’s mouth dropped open at that. It took a few seconds for him to wrestle his disbelief under control. “It’s mighty convenient when her protectiveness raises its ugly head. Where was this friendship and protectiveness the past few years? Where was it when she got off the street, was safe and on medication with a secure job but didn’t remember you existed? Why didn’t she reach out to you?”

Carlos shook his head, “Please, give us a second chance. I’ll do better. I’ll fix this.”

TK blinked in confusion at him. Carlos wasn’t answering any of his questions. “I’m not following your thought process here. Your wife isn’t ready to grant you a divorce until she feels you aren’t making a mistake being in a relationship with me. Do you not hear how absurd that sounds? Let’s not even factor in how she needs to stay married to you for her own benefit.” He paused, “Or maybe we should. She needs to stay married to you for her own benefit. Is that why she’s against me?” Frustrated, he dug his fingers into his arm.

Carlos took a step forward, “She’s not against you, TK.”

He held up a hand when Carlos took another step forward. “Do you expect me to tolerate this nonsense and allow this stranger to judge whether I’m good enough for you?” He took a steady quick breath, “Newsflash Carlos, I’m not the one who has repeatedly had reservations about our relationship and hidden you from people. I haven’t lied to you and no betrayal gets bigger than you accepting my proposal knowing you are married. How do I get over you only letting me know you’re married because our venue availability changed? Nor the sense in you deciding to do it at my place of work. I don’t even know how to handle the betrayal that is your parents knowing you’re legally married to a woman and going ahead with this lie with you.” He took a quick breath, “You still can’t even answer me when I ask WHEN you planned to let me know you were MARRIED!”

He pressed his palm over his eyes as hot tears slid down his cheeks. This was so embarrassing. He couldn’t believe he was begging Carlos for answers again. “Do you even realize how humiliating this entire thing has been for me? You betrayed me, Carlos, over and over again,” he whispered.

The firm hand he loved grasped his wrist and gently pulled his hand away from his face.

“TK,” Carlos whispered distraught, “I love you. I love you so much! You know the marriage to Iris means nothing. Nothing! We were just stupid kids who thought getting married would join us in a way that we’d always be there for each other and never be alone again. It was a stupid, foolish, immature decision that’s haunted me into adulthood. Please believe me.”

TK sniffed hard, tears flowing down his cheeks, “Carlos, if that’s the case then why are you now getting sucked back into the Iris show? Why are you defending her and going along with what she wants? You know supporting Michelle in her disgusting behavior got you nothing in the end. She didn’t even let you see Iris when she was found before she shuffled her back off to the streets.”

He was now just humiliating himself by begging. All he had wanted for weeks was for Carlos to choose him. Choose them. Their relationship. To agree to work on them. And now even if he did, TK knew it wouldn’t be enough. But he was still begging because he loved this man so much.

“They… they’re my friends,” Carlos said lamely. “They feel I’ve rushed into everything and am letting you run the show too much.”

TK reared back in shock, “Run the show?” He asked incredulously. “What does that even mean? Is this about the engagement? Carlos, if you weren’t ready you could have said no. You can still tell me you rushed into it just to make me happy. But only if you truly mean it. Why are you letting these two women who abandoned you have a voice in your ear?”

“Iris is so upset with me for abandoning her, TK,” Carlos finally said softly. “I need to support her. She’s all alone right now. Her other friends, the ones she worked with, have all abandoned her.”

TK swallowed hard, “Well, I don’t blame her friends for cutting off with her after what you said about the situation.”

“What?” Carlos asked somewhat sharply.

TK stared at him, “You said she assaulted you unprovoked.”

“It wasn’t assault!” Carlos immediately said defensively. “TK, it’s her meds. I told you that. They make her very blunt.”

TK sighed in defeat, “And I told you that that’s not an excuse. Nor should she be using it as one. If her medication caused her to be physically abusive, then it’s something she must discuss with her psychiatrist.”

Carlos’ mouth dropped open. “Iris is not physically abusive!” He exploded.

“After not seeking you out once she was off the streets and medicated to help her condition when you sought her out, her first act toward you, her long-time friend and legal husband, was to slap you across your face. Slap you hard enough to have left a mark. Tell me, Officer Reyes, if that’s not physical abuse, shall we term it assault? Isn’t that how you would term this behavior by any other wife toward her husband? Or would you tell the victim that one slap isn’t considered abusive?” TK asked flatly.

He could see Carlos was struggling to spin the narrative in Iris’ favor but the cop side of Carlos wasn’t allowing it.

“There are no excuses, Carlos,” TK said gently. “Michelle decided to let Iris go back to living on the streets. You didn’t even get to meet her before she was back on the streets,” he reminded him. “Michelle didn’t tell you when Iris got off the streets. She didn’t tell you when they no longer needed you for the health insurance you provided Iris.” He sighed, “Iris Blake has been living her life in Austin for the past year in a secure job and didn’t care to seek you out. Her supposed best friend and husband. And now that you found her, she has decided you’re best friends again and she needs to approve of me. Did you get to approve of her boyfriend when she had one?”

When Carlos said nothing, TK hesitated for a moment, wondering if he wanted to broach this, then decided he did. “The day you found Iris at the shelter, you had a cut on your cheek. I remember even asking you about it.” He watched Carlos closely, “I asked you if someone hit you.” He watched as realization dawned on Carlos and the man winced. “Do you remember what you said?”

“TK,” Carlos began then stopped.

TK nodded, “You said you got hurt on the bathroom door.”

“I didn’t want your first impression of Iris to be a bad one,” Carlos said softly.

“So you felt comfortable just lying and lying and lying to me,” TK said softly. He shook his head, “I gotta go.”

“TK, please just give me some time to fix this.”

As TK moved around Carlos and headed for the door he wondered if he’d even see Carlos before he left. Walking away from him didn’t get easier each time he had to do it.

Day 54

TK sat on the bench and looked around the locker room. He had just finished his last shift with the 126. At his request, Tommy had kept it quiet. In a few minutes, he would empty out his locker for the last time.

A firm hand clamped down on his shoulder, “How we doin’, mini Strand?” Judd asked.

TK lazily tipped his head back to look up at Judd, “We’re doin’ just fine, Cowboy.”

Judd snorted at the nickname TK had teased him with when they were learning how to be friends, “Don’t you be startin’ nothing’ with me, boy.”

“Don’t start none, won’t be none, ol’ timer,” TK teased.

“Oh my god.”

TK straightened his head to see Paul watching them with a horrified look on his face.

“Since when do you speak like him?” Paul asked.

TK smirked, “Hey now then, Mr. Strickland, I gotta have somethin’ to show for my time here,” he drawled in a perfect imitation of Judd’s smooth as caramel, warm as bourbon accent.

Paul pointed at TK, “You’re a Gremlin.”

TK sniffed, “I’m a Menace, kind sir, there’s a difference.”

Judd laughed and ruffled TK’s head, “Up ya’ go, little Menace, our pancakes and fancy fries are waitin’.”

TK nodded, “Give me five minutes and I’ll meet you outside.”

Judd pointed at Paul, “Don’t you be distracting him. Hurry it up both of you. Grace’s meeting us there.”

“Yeah yeah,” Paul waved Judd away. “You okay?” He asked TK softly.

TK nodded while emptying out the few things left in his locker, “I’m okay. I’m numb. And that’s okay.”

Paul squeezed TK’s shoulder, “Numb is fine. For now.”

TK zipped his bag up and shut his locker for the final time. His gaze locked on his name card, TK Strand, which he slowly pulled off and set in his bag. “Just for a little while,” he whispered.

“You sure you don’t want anybody to know?”

TK smiled a small smile at Paul, “I’m sure. I just have a few things to take care of at the bank tomorrow, I’m meeting Cooper and my grief support group to say goodbye. And Carlos texted asking to meet the day after. I’ll fly out the same day.”

“Is that a wise choice?” Paul asked.

TK didn’t hear any judgment in his tone and nodded. Paul had been his rock through this. He took a deep breath and released it, “No. It’s not wise at all. But I can’t leave without knowing why he’s asked to meet. I can’t leave without saying goodbye without saying it.” He turned and caught Paul’s hand, “You’ll tell me if anything happens? I just need to know if he’s not okay.”

Paul closed his hand over TK’s and squeezed gently, “Yeah, brother, I’ll let you know.”

Day 56

TK stood outside the door to what had been his home. He looked at the little touches he had added after Carlos had moved him in. The gorgeous evil eye talisman that hung by the door, the little chrome sticker that said, Casa Tarlos. He trailed his fingers over the sticker and slowly peeled it off. Taking a moment to center himself he knocked on the door.

“TK,” Carlos opened the door, the relief palpable in his voice.

“Carlos,” TK said and was proud of his steady voice. As silly as the idea seemed, he had done a pre-cry earlier today to drain himself out and release the excess emotions. He felt somewhat ready for this conversation Carlos had asked for. He wondered if Carlos realized today was eight weeks since the day he had changed TK’s life. They could have been getting married today.

“Uh, come in,” Carlos stepped aside after they had spent a long moment just staring at each other.

TK gave into the urge to look around one last time at the place he had called home. That he had made into his home. At the kitchen where he had put together delicious meals, at the utility area where Carlos had often pressed him up against the washing machine as they made out while doing laundry. At the dining table where they ate candlelit meals or hosted their friends. He abruptly stopped reminiscing when he came to the window sill devoid of the beautiful flowers and herbs he had lovingly grown. They had lovingly grown. Carlos had grown flowers for TK while TK had grown herbs for Carlos. It had been their own little love language.

“How are you?”

The soft question caused him to refocus his attention on Carlos. “I’m doing alright. It’s been a lot but one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. How are you?”

“I’m,” Carlos hesitated then sighed and dropped down onto the couch, “I miss you, TK.”

TK sat more slowly on the armchair. He could not be within touching and comforting distance right now. He knew his weakness. And vulnerable, hurting Carlos with his big sad eyes and soft gel-free hair was a major one.

“I miss you too,” he acknowledged then fell silent.

“Please give me another chance,” Carlos whispered. “I can fix this, TK if you just give me another chance and a little bit of time.”

TK stilled and clasped his hands together. “Time?”

“Once I get a divorce we can work on us.” Those big brown eyes were drawing him in. “You said you wouldn’t even consider us while I’m still legally married.”

TK blinked and looked down at his hands. He had said that. He had said it what felt like a long time ago but hadn’t even been two months. He still wondered at how his life had imploded in a matter of weeks. Days really. “You’re going ahead with the divorce?”

Carlos hesitated, “Not just yet.” He leaned forward, “TK, Iris just needs a little bit more time,” he pleaded. “I’ve nearly convinced her to look for another job.”

TK pressed his lips together to hold back the instinctive incredulous bitterness he wanted to spew. “Is she holding your divorce hostage to stay on your health insurance?” TK could see he had put Carlos on the spot with his question. He could see Carlos’ loyalty to Iris warring with his need to be honest. Honest to TK, the man he loves.

“She-she just needs a bit more time.”

TK wondered if Carlos truly felt that or was just very convincingly lying to himself. He reminded himself that it wasn’t up to him to save Carlos from this situation.

“Time for what?” he asked curiously.

Carlos seemed to be searching for what to say. “She-she needs to come to terms with her friends not supporting her. She’s been very sad about being let go from a job she loved. But she’ll start looking for another job,” he finally said.

TK refrained from pointing out that Carlos didn’t sound convinced of the words he had uttered in Iris’ defense.

“So that could take anywhere from another six to nine months?” he asked instead.

Carlos shook his head, “I’m sure she’ll get a job any day now.”

“For the divorce, Carlos. It’ll take another six to nine months,” TK said softly.

Carlos winced, “Unfortunately, yes.”

“And you expect me to just wait around for another six months? Half a year or more. It’s already been nearly two months since this all began.”

Carlos leaned forward and clasped his hands between his legs, “I don’t expect you to, TK, I just hope you will wait for me.”

“And Iris is now sure of me? She doesn’t think you’re rushing into a mistake? Cause that’s what you’d mentioned before. That Iris wasn’t sure.”

TK sighed and sat back at Carlos’ silence. He wondered why he had even indulged in this conversation. Why did he still wanted Carlos to choose him? His heart felt torn in two. He could still do this. Tommy would let him come back. He could stay here and support Carlos. Be there for him and help him see Iris was manipulating him. Carlos loved him. He would then choose him. Pick him. So pick me. Choose me. Love me. He squeezed his eyes shut and pushed Meredith Grey’s iconic quote out of his mind.

Excuse you, I can buy myself flowers and write my name in the sand! He took a shaky breath as Enzo’s joking voice ran through his mind. He took a moment to remember the lyrics that had struck a chord within him, I can hold my own hand, I can love me better than you can. As he looked at Carlos, took in those warm brown eyes that he loved, he knew their brand of love wasn’t what either of them needed. I am my own rainbow, my own sunshine.

He shifted forward and gently framed Carlos’ face in his hands, “I love you, Carlos Reyes. Thank you for loving me when I couldn’t love myself.” Hot tears flowed down his face, “I hope I made you feel half as loved as you made me feel.” He gently wiped away Carlos’ tears as he brought their heads together, “I love you, Los. I’m going to now learn how to love myself.”

“TK, no,” Carlos sobbed and pressed their lips together.

And TK allowed it. He allowed Carlos to cup his face and kiss him. He kissed back, pouring all his love, his need, and the happiness that Carlos and his love and care had brought him into it.

Pulling back TK sniffed and kissed Carlos’ forehead, “You made me feel cherished and like I was the most precious being in your entire world. I wish you the best, baby.” He pressed another lingering kiss on Carlos’ lips, then gently pulled away and forced himself to walk to the door.

He pressed his lips together as Carlos sobbed behind him. He pulled out the small envelope with Carlos’ name on it from his pocket and set it on the desk. He stared at it, the envelope that contained the wedding ring Carlos had picked out for himself and a note that he had transferred the year of rent Carlos had not taken from him into his account, and nodded. He turned once at the door and took in the space he and Carlos had made into a home, then at the man crying on the couch. As much as he wanted to go to Carlos, to comfort him, he knew he had to go.

“I love you,” he whispered and gently shut the door.

Day 423

“Ty! Again!”

TK laughed and set his brother back down in the water that was up to the three-year-old’s calves. When a fresh wave came in on them Jonah screamed delightedly as TK quickly lifted him up so he could kick out at the water. Bringing the boy close he pressed a kiss to the side of his head.

“Tired, sweet J?” he asked as Jonah wrapped his arms around his neck.

Jonah rested his head on TK’s shoulder. “Hungry, Ty. Where’s Papa?”

“Okay, enough sun and playing. Let’s get you daddy and some food.”

“Donut?” Jonah asked hopefully as he played with the ends of TK’s hair.

“Donut? Didn’t you already have a donut today? It even had sprinkles!”

Jonah giggled, “One more donut!”

“I think your papa will definitely have some thoughts about that, Mr. J.”

TK reached the spot where Enzo was sitting under an umbrella on a beach blanket and pretended to drop Jonah on him.

Jonah laughed the carefree laugh of the young and held out his arms to his father. “Papa!”

“My darling!” Enzo smiled and held out his arms for Jonah.

TK gently deposited his precious cargo to Enzo, marveling that Enzo didn’t care that Jonah was dripping all over him. “Package delivered,” he said in his best, most official voice.

“Package received,” Enzo said, mock seriously.

Jonah giggled, “I’m precious cargo!”

“That’s what you are!” Enzo and TK chorused. They did this bit each time they exchanged Jonah for the day.

“Your son is hungry,” TK informed Enzo as he dropped down onto the blanket next to him.

“Hungry papa!” Jonah confirmed. “Donut?” he asked hopefully.

Enzo laughed as he dried Jonah with a towel. “Now I know your big brother already fed you a donut today! You can have a sandwich or a bagel.”

TK watched them, father and son with a smile on his face. He had moved to Los Angeles 337 days ago, after spending thirty days in New York as he came to terms with breaking up with Carlos and leaving his life in Austin behind. He had been drowning in sadness and grief. He had not for a moment considered that as an adult he would uproot his life and relocate yet he had done it twice and each move had taught him a lot about himself. About his inner strength.

These days he had come to terms with the fact that his happiness began with him. It wasn’t right to lay that burden on others. He was responsible for his happiness. Others contributed to it. That was the human experience. But learning the lesson of self-love, and accepting it, had unlocked a form of contentment within him that he had been unknowingly searching, seeking, and working toward all his life.

“Here,” a hand nudged his arm, holding out a sandwich to him.

TK smiled and accepted it.

“Both my sons have worked up an appetite,” Enzo said with a little smile.

TK’s smile widened as he pressed his shoulder against Enzo’s, “Thanks, Pa.”

He, Tyler-Kennedy Morgan-Strand, was happy. He smiled and drew a heart in the sand with his finger, then wrote TK inside it. He was happy within himself.

---