Reading Time: 105 Minutes

Title: Ain’t got no tears left to cry
Author: BytheBry
Fandom: 9-1-1: Lone Star
Genre: Angst, Contemporary, Episode Related, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort
Relationship(s): TK Strand/Carlos Reyes
Content Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Self Harm, Mentions-Addiction, Canon-Adultery, Canon-Kidnapping, Canon-Drugging, Permanent Breakup.
Author Note: Please note – I consider a singular POV to be an unreliable narrator. In this story, TK is an unreliable narrator. He is caught in his own life and worries. Is he seeing what truly is or are his emotions and circumstances ruling him. Or both? I leave that up to you, the reader.
Alpha: HarleyJQuin
Word Count: 88,789
Summary: How did it all change in the blink of an eye? They had been so happy. He thought he had conquered his inner demons. His life had been peaceful. He had pushed the red flags away. How did it all change?
Artist: CoCo

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Day 25

The next morning, TK walked out of the bathroom and paused when he saw Iris and Carlos sitting close together on the couch. He had not heard her arrive. She was here all the damn time. When he left home. When he returned home. When he went to sleep. When he woke up.

At first glance, she seemed upset and Carlos had his arm around her. TK wondered at himself when right at that moment he felt nothing. The sight of another human being distraught, invoked nothing but apathy from him.

He forced himself to be Enzo’s son. “Is everything okay?” he asked politely.

“Yes, I’m crying because everything is okay,” Iris all but snapped at him.

TK saw Carlos glance at Iris in shock. He shrugged and walked off to the kitchen. He had asked an obvious, socially acceptable question. If Iris chose to be rude in response that was not his problem. He did notice that Carlos did not say anything to her. He waited for the hurt to come and shrugged when all he felt was numb acceptance.

“I don’t want to talk about this with him here. I really need to talk to you,” Iris said. “Can’t you ask him to leave?”

“It’s his home too, Iris. I can’t just ask him to leave.”

TK felt amusement curl through him that startled him. Since when did he feel good about another person in distress? Since when did he feel amused at Carlos, a person he loved feeling pulled between his loyalty to his old friend, his wife, and TK, the man he loved? He pressed his palms against his eyes, his mental health was deteriorating the longer the situation with Iris dragged on. He constantly felt on edge with an impending sense of doom. He needed Iris and Carlos to get divorced so that he felt on equal footing in their shared space again. He needed Iris to not constantly be in his home.

“It’s not really HIS though, is it Carlos? You paid for it.”

TK pressed his lips together to hold back a hysterical laugh. Wrong move, Iris Blake.

“I regret ever telling you that. This is mine and TK’s home and I don’t want to hear another word about it.”

Carlos’ hard as granite voice worked to calm TK’s upset. He lowered his hands and contemplated giving Iris the privacy she wanted then decided against it. If she had wanted a completely private conversation with Carlos she should have invited him to wherever her current residence was.

He switched on the kettle and went about making himself a cup of tea and toast.

“Babe, I cut up some fruit for you. It’s in the fridge,” Carlos called out.

TK winced and gripped the counter when Carlos called him babe. “Thank you,” he called back.

Every time Carlos referred to him by an affectionate nickname he felt a stab of pain shoot through him with the reminder that he was the other person in Carlos’ life. His side piece. He tugged the box of fruit out of the fridge and decided to take Taylor Swift’s advice and shake it off. He set the fruit box on the counter to pack away into his bag filled his water bottle then fixed his tea and buttered his toast.

“Iris,” he heard Carlos sigh.

“No, I’m not talking with him around,” Iris said firmly.

“He won’t leave for work until 11:15.”

“If you can’t ask him to leave early, we can just sit here in silence until he leaves. He doesn’t like me and I’m not going to talk about this with him around.”

TK sipped on his tea, slowly bit into his buttery toast, and wondered if he should remind them that he could hear them clearly. A petty part of him decided not to rush and take his time with his breakfast and then take a luxurious shower before he left. Iris seemed to enjoy hurting TK’s feelings. He would take his time and not rush so she could sit there stewing in her angst.

He chewed the bite a little aggressively. This was not who he was! The bite of toast now tasted like ash in his mouth. His stomach revolted as the stress of the situation flooded him. He would communicate like an adult even if no one else was. He set the toast on his plate and left it on the counter to take with him, then swallowed the lump in his throat and poured his tea into the sink.

Taking a few breaths to settle himself, he went over to Carlos. “Hey, I couldn’t help but overhear that Iris would feel more comfortable in our home if I’m not here. Just give me fifteen minutes to shower and I’ll be out of your space,” he said calmly.

“Babe,” Carlos hurriedly stood up, “don’t rush out.”

TK didn’t even look at Iris, “Your wife is uncomfortable with the man you live with,” he said and walked off to the bathroom.

He locked the bathroom door and stood looking at himself in the mirror for a moment before climbing into the shower. As he wet himself down and soaped up, discomfort swirled within him. Iris didn’t like that he lived there and felt comfortable enough with Carlos to ask if he could have TK leave. Iris didn’t like him, but she was in his space. She used his bathroom, was she also using his towel, she helped herself to his nice soap, was she also using his open one in the shower, she sat on his couch, ate out of his fridge, and probably also stole his precious cookies. Would she destroy his things because she did not like him?

“You’re spiraling,” he said out loud. He knew there was nothing he could do about it unless he removed himself from the situation. He stilled as he rinsed the shampoo from his hair then abruptly straightened his head and immediately winced as his eyes stung. Rinsing thoroughly he wondered if he could do it. Could he just remove himself from the situation? It would just be for a few weeks. In the short term maybe he could stay at Paul’s? In the long term, he could take a week away and go visit Enzo and Jonah. Once the idea took hold it would not budge. He wanted his Zo. And Enzo had been asking him to visit. He had been doing as much overtime as he could safely get, picking up extra shifts to save for his wedding. Now he had a lot of money saved and days off he could use. He wanted the comfort only a parent could offer. He toweled himself dry and hurriedly got dressed. He could plan to move out and then in a few weeks figure out a good time to visit Enzo. He was going to go home and home would always be where Zo is.

When he came out of the bathroom, Carlos was sitting at the desk clearly waiting for him. TK ignored him as Carlos hurriedly stood up and took a step toward TK.

“TK, you don’t have to leave.”

“No worries, Carlos, your wife obviously needs you,” TK said distractedly as he grabbed his bag and packed a spare uniform, his workout gear, and the book he had been reading last night.

“But,” Carlos trailed off and stood watching TK put his shoes on and quickly laced them up.

“Have a good day.” TK grabbed his bag and headed to the kitchen. He ignored Iris rooting through the cupboards and grabbed his bottle. He saw the fruit box Carlos had made for him open on the counter with a fork sticking out of it and his toast having been slathered with jam. So Iris had decided to continue to help herself to his food. Even his half-eaten food. He wondered if this was meant to be an intimidation tactic. Then decided he really didn’t care if it was.

As he was sliding the door shut he heard Iris call out. “Carlos, you have any more of those ginger cookies left?”

“Iris! That fruit was for TK! And those cookies were his!”

“You said I could help myself to anything in the kitchen.”

TK took a calming breath and walked away from that mess. At least now he had had it confirmed that she had eaten grandma Rose’s cookies.

—

When TK got to work he parked and huddled in his car. Taking a moment to center himself he called Enzo’s cell phone.

“TK,” Enzo sighed, “it’s good to hear from you, son.”

TK winced,” Sorry, Zo.”

“No, no, it’s okay! I can understand that there has been a lot going on. How are you?”

TK knew he couldn’t lie to his Zo. More importantly, he didn’t want to lie to Enzo or pretend with him. “Not good,” he said honestly, “I’m spiraling. This whole situation is making me feel like I’m turning into someone I don’t recognize.”

“Ty,” Enzo sounded alarmed, “talk to me, sweet boy.”

“It’s,” TK paused and swallowed back tears. Only his mom, Enzo, and his family called him sweet boy. “It’s all messed up, Zo. In mere weeks my life has gone from planning my happily ever after to not even knowing if I want to stay in this relationship, hell even in this city, this state anymore,” he confessed softly. “The urge to just run away,” he swallowed and wiped at his eyes.

“You can always come home, Ty,” Enzo said gently.

“I can’t blow out on this, on my job, Zo. I should have never let Dad help back in New York. I should have stayed and faced the consequences of my foolish choices. I’m stuck here now.”

“Tyler-Kennedy, you listen to me, you are not stuck. You are never stuck,” Enzo said firmly. His voice softened, “Kiddo, why can’t you come home? Money is not an issue, you know this.”

“I can’t,” TK whispered.

“You can,” Enzo insisted. “You can start by coming home for a few days. A week. Surely considering the circumstances, the stress you’ve been under, you can get the time off?”

“I thought I’d take the time to move out for the moment then come see you and lil J next month,” TK said hesitantly.

“You’re welcome at any time, Ty, but I strongly feel you should come now. As soon as possible,” Enzo said firmly. “Being there alone in that situation isn’t doing you any favors.”

“I,” TK hesitated. On the drive over he had decided to temporarily move out of Carlos’ apartment and then visit Enzo. Did it really matter if he changed the order of his plan around?

“I’m afraid she’ll move my stuff around,” he confessed in a whisper, shame flooding him at constantly thinking the worst of Iris lately.

“What?”

“She confirmed that she helped herself to my cookie stash. She gobbled down the last of grandma Rose’s ginger cookies.” He felt petty even as he said it but it was what it was.

“Oh, Ty,” Enzo sighed, “Carlos didn’t stop her?”

“I don’t know if he knew. But that means that she had the time and space and audacity to be rooting through my home and helping herself to whatever she wanted.”

“Your belongings there are your clothes and jewelry, correct? The furniture belongs to Carlos?”

“Yeah. The furniture, and kitchen supplies, Carlos bought it all and hasn’t taken any money from me for it. I bought things like the Dyson vacuum and air fryer for the kitchen.” TK didn’t get where Enzo was going with this.

“TK, you can pack up your wardrobe into suitcases, I doubt you’d need more than two, three max. Drop them off at Owen’s for safekeeping and then come here. You can be packed and leave to come here the same day.”

TK blew out a breath, “I can’t live with Owen.”

“You don’t have to. I’d never suggest that. Just use his house as a storage space. He’ll do this for you. He owes you this,” Enzo said firmly.

TK let out a shaky breath, his emotions were all over the place. Enzo’s plan sounded doable. He could ask for the time off today and leave as soon as it was granted.

“Yes, yes, I can do that,” he whispered.

“Yes, you can, my brave boy,” Enzo encouraged softly. “Do you want me to book your ticket?”

TK rubbed his eye, “No. I’ll talk to Tommy today and book once she approves my leave. Thanks, Zo.”

“I love you, Ty. I’m always here for you and always in your corner.”

“I love you, Zo. Hug J for me,” TK said and ended the call. He rested his head on the wheel, tears of relief flowing down his face. He had his next step. Now he had to figure out what he’d tell Carlos.

—

“A week off,” Tommy said.

“Yes, if it’s possible. Or how many days you can get me,” TK said.

“Is everything okay? The situation with Carlos,” she trailed off.

‘Yes, I’m crying because everything is okay’. TK held back a wince as the memory of Iris’ response to his question flashed through his mind. He fidgeted with his fingers, wishing Tommy would just grant his leave.

“I was doing all that overtime, picking up extra shifts to have leave ready for my wedding, the planning, and all that. Now that that’s not on the cards, I’d like to go visit my brother,” TK said slowly. With the way life had been kicking him lately, he almost expected Tommy to refuse.

Tommy’s face softened, “Of course. I’ll try to get this approved from the next shift on. I’ll have an answer for you before the end of shift.”

TK smiled a tired smile, pleasantly surprised, “Thank you, Tommy.” He stood up and turned to leave her office.

“TK, I’m here if you need to talk.”

TK looked at her and smiled a more genuine smile. As difficult as he found some aspects of Tommy’s leadership to be, she had saved him with her care after his mom died. He nodded his thanks at her and left.

—

After dinner that day, TK was on his phone making a list of things he needed to do before he left. Tommy had let him know an hour ago that he could take the week off after his next shift which gave him nine days to be in New York if he wanted to.

Top on his list was to buy a proper suitcase. He only had one small carry-on bag after his nice set had gotten blown up at Carlos’ house. If he found what he wanted tomorrow then he could pack and be out the door the day after his next shift and in New York by midnight.

Or he could order a set from Amazon. He tapped his fingers on his thigh while thinking that through.

“You look like you’re brewing a lot of deep thoughts, man,” Paul said as he sat down on the other end of the couch.

TK nodded at him. “I realized that I never replaced the luggage that I lost in the fire. I want to buy a set and I’m wondering between roaming a few stores or just buying online.”

Paul nodded, “I bought a nice set not too long ago, three pieces, good quality. Got it on Amazon. Want the link?”

TK perked up, “Yes, please.”

Paul tapped away on his phone and in short order, a link popped up on TK’s screen. “You’re also welcome to borrow my luggage if you just need it for the short term. I’m not planning on using it until the fall.”

TK stared at the suitcase, carry-on trolley bag, and duffel set. If he bought this set and borrowed Paul’s, he could be completely out of Carlos’ apartment in one go. He had decided he would leave all the kitchen appliances he had bought and the Dyson vacuum cleaner, pricey as it was, was a home expense to him even though he hated to be parted from it. He didn’t want Carlos to have to scramble around without it.

He paused, was he breaking up with Carlos? Had they already broken up? TK had stopped being intimate with him the day Carlos had told him about his marriage. He had only kissed him on the lips once after he had rescued Carlos. No, they hadn’t officially broken up but they were living as roommates.

Roommates who kiss, his conscience provided. Carlos still kisses your brow and cheek and held you in his arms after your little tearful breakdown. TK shook his head. Maybe he and Carlos could find their way back through this mess but living apart would be good for them right now. Once Carlos got divorced they could begin dating again. With counseling. All the counseling.

“TK?” Paul asked.

TK blinked and came out of his thoughts. “Sorry, Paul, I was thinking through this. If you’re sure, I’d love to borrow your luggage.” He smiled a small smile at him knowing it wasn’t as bright as his normal smile. He considered his screen and focused on the colors of the luggage. Cherry red, midnight blue, and forest green held his attention. “Which color did you get?”

“The green one,” Paul said.

“That’s nice. I’m torn between that, midnight blue and the cherry red.”

“You’re still buying a set?” Paul asked curiously.

TK stilled, then looked around to ensure their privacy. “I’m, ah, I decided to move out of Carlos’ place. Between your luggage and mine, I can be moved out in a few hours.”

“I understand,” Paul nodded. “My couch is yours if you need it. Let me know if you need help packing up.”

TK sighed and smiled, relief flooding him at Paul’s unwavering support. Mateo and Nancy were Carlos and TK’s friends but had shown in the past that they favored Carlos. Well, Mateo favored Owen. Whereas Paul liked Carlos but could maintain his objectivity. He was not sure yet where Marjan sorted between them.

“Thanks, Paul,” TK said softly. He hesitated then decided to tell him about his immediate plans. “I’m going to pack up when the luggage arrives then go to New York for a few days. Spend time with my brother and Enzo.”

“That’ll be good for you. Why don’t you let me help you pack? Together we’ll have it done quicker,” Paul offered. “Where are you storing your stuff?”

“I thought I’d ask Dad,” TK bit his lip. He and Owen had barely spoken in weeks.

“I have storage in my building. If you want to store the bags there it’s yours.”

TK’s pulse sped up. Could it be so simple? Things had quickly begun falling into place which made him feel like he was absolutely making the right decisions. Not having to include Owen in his plans was fine by him.

“Yes,” he said shakily. “Yes, please, Paul, to the offer of assistance in packing and storing at yours and your couch.”

Paul nodded and smiled, “Let’s do it, brother. Order the set for yourself. We’ll have you out of there in no time and home with your dad and brother.”

Day 26

TK stood in front of his closet the next day after his shift and mentally began packing his clothes. He would pack away the clothes he wanted for New York in a separate bag with his toiletries. Pack another bag with all his work uniforms. In the suitcases, he would pack outfits and some linens so he could open those at Paul’s. And use his set to pack away what he did not need for the foreseeable future.

—

By the time Carlos came home, TK had planned out how he would pack, booked his ticket to New York, and informed Enzo. Enzo in turn had let TK know that his brother, David was in town for a couple of days. Enzo had offered to put him off but TK was pleased at the idea of spending some time with his uncle David.

“Hey baby,” Carlos smiled and set down a food bag. “I picked up Thai for dinner.”

TK, who had been taking stock of what he had in the refrigerator, nodded. “Thanks. Los, have you seen my cinnamon sticks? I can’t find them and I know I just bought a new bag from the farmer’s market.”

“No, sorry.”

TK refrained from asking Carlos to ask his wife if she had helped herself to it, the little thief. He winced at how petty he was being but after she had confirmed she had helped herself to his cookies, his bitterness over the entire situation had increased.

“I’ll pick up some more for you on Wednesday,” Carlos promised.

TK pressed his lips together so as to refrain from blurting out then and there that he would not be living there anymore on Wednesday, then frowned at Carlos who was opening up their food. “You’re working on Wednesday.”

“Oh, ah, it’s Iris’ birthday. She wants us to spend the day together so I switched shifts,” Carlos explained.

TK could read his… undefined well enough to know Carlos was embarrassed he had neglected to tell TK he had changed his shifts. “Okay,” was all he said in response to that. He leaned against the counter, his hand slipping under his sleeve, nails digging into his skin to ground himself for this conversation. “I wanted to tell you something,” he began and bit his lip when he was interrupted by Carlos’ phone ringing. He paused and waited.

“It’s Michelle,” Carlos saw fit to inform him. To which TK wanted to say he really did not give a damn.

“Hang on, Michelle, slow down! What’s flooding?” Carlos asked, alarmed.

TK bit down harder on his lip, his nails pressing harder into his arm. What now?

“I’ll be right over. Yeah, put down towels.”

TK knew he was frowning but there was nothing he could do about it.

Carlos winced when he looked at the untouched food. “Sorry, babe, I gotta go. That was Michelle. Something snapped in the bathroom at her mom’s house. There’s water everywhere. They are freaking out.”

TK was just done. “You may want to call a plumber to help you. Call me when you’re done, and I’ll warm up dinner.” He wondered at Carlos rushing off to assist his in-laws. He wasn’t the best at these home repairs. He had not even known what to do when their washer was leaking water.

Carlos kissed TK’s cheek, “You go ahead and eat. No need for both of us to be starving,” he said with a laugh.

TK watched Carlos leave and then carefully closed the food containers back up. He would wait and eat with Carlos and they could talk about TK moving out and going to New York to visit his family. He grabbed his ice roller from the freezer. He would use the extra time to treat his skin right and shower himself with some tender loving care rather than stewing over the conversation he had carefully rehearsed for all afternoon which now had been put off because the Blake women were foolish and manipulative. He winced at his uncharitable thoughts and headed to the couch. He needed to watch something off his go-to cheer-up list to shake this mood off.

—

TK looked up from the game he was playing on his iPad when his phone pinged. He glanced at his screen and nodded when he saw more pictures. Carlos had been sending him pictures at regular intervals of the mess in Mrs. Blake’s bathroom. He had not had it in himself to offer to help. He admired his neatly filed and buffed nails, he definitely had no interest in helping.

“You’re awful,” he said to himself. “They didn’t deliberately make a mess of their bathroom to spite you.”

He waited for the guilt to flood him but none came. He grabbed his phone and reacted to the picture with a sad face. Before he could put his phone down, another picture came through, this time from Paul with a ‘WTF?’

He frowned and tapped the picture open. It was rare for Paul to react that way. His mouth dropped open when he saw the picture of Iris in a bra dumping water on a shirtless Carlos. He saw it was a screenshot and quickly replied to Paul.

TK – Is it a video? Send me?

Paul – Marjan sent me the screenshot picture. Asking.

He sat tapping his finger against his phone and was surprised when a message from Marjan came through in the group chat he had with her and Paul.

Marjan – I found this was easier.

TK took a deep breath and tapped the video to play. Someone had filmed Iris, Michelle, and Carlos standing in presumably the Blake’s backyard. Iris was in a bra and shorts and Carlos was in just his dark blue gym shorts. They were shrieking and laughing while Carlos was spraying the hose on Michelle who was in a t-shirt and shorts when Iris came up behind him with a bucket of water and dumped it on him. Carlos yelped and turned the hose on Iris who fell onto him laughing. The Instagram story was captioned, ‘a typical evening with the husband ;)’ Carlos had been tagged in it.

“It’s a joke,” he whispered out loud to himself. “I know it’s a joke. But I’ll die if Carlos reposts that.”

Paul – TK, what the hell man? Why is she tagging him and calling him her husband?

TK – I don’t know. But they’ll say it’s a joke. Carlos once referred to her as his WIFE cause it’s apparently funny and I just didn’t have a sense of humor about it.

Marjan – It’s not funny TK. Are you ok?

TK swallowed hard and realized tears of humiliation were flowing down his face. How could Carlos keep doing this to him?

TK – No. But I just have to suck it up.

Marjan – Want me to come over?

Paul – I can come too.

Marjan – You have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow and need to go to bed on time.

Paul – It’s still early!

TK smiled at his friend’s banter.

TK – Thank you both. I think I’m just going to finish watching Scream 2 & go to bed. Thanks for sharing this with me. I really needed to see it.
Paul, all the best brother with the doc. Text me after.

Both Marjan and Paul sent him hug emojis which he returned.

He roughly wiped his face and sat back as he resumed watching Ghostface wreak havoc on the Windsor College campus as hot tears rolled down his face.

—

Sidney and Hallie had just gotten side-swept by another car when his phone rang startling TK. He patted his chest and he breathed out in relief.

“Get a grip!” he sternly told himself, well aware that his talking out loud was an extreme stress and anxiety response that he had had since he was a child and had seen 9/11 on television and then spent hours imagining his father trapped there.

He saw it was Carlos calling and steadied himself. “Hey.”

“Hey babe,” Carlos sighed. “We finally got the water turned off and cleaned up here.”

TK wondered why Mrs. Blake had not called a plumber. What had she done in the years past when her son-in-law and daughters had not been around to help out? He shoved that thought aside.

“That’s good. It was very nice of you to help them out. I’ll warm up dinner.”

“Uh, yeah, about that. Mrs. Blake, Theresa insisted on buying us dinner as a thank you.”

TK thought of all the food sitting on their kitchen table. “Okay,” he said in a small voice and  hunched in on himself.

“I’ll be home right after,” Carlos assured him.

“Okay,” TK said again.

Once Carlos disconnected, he widened his eyes and stared at a fixed point so he would not cry again. Once he felt back in control he hauled himself up and went to the kitchen to put all the food away in the refrigerator. He had not paid for it, but he was not going to allow food to go to waste. Carlos could eat it for dinner tomorrow.

His stomach growled with hunger when he looked at the papaya salad, a favorite of his. He shook his head, he did not feel up to eating it.

After putting the food away he drank a glass of water to dull his hunger and returned to his movie. Time for more blood and mayhem before Sidney and Gale save the day.

—

TK blinked awake and blearily looked around wondering what had woken him. He looked at the screen where Scream 3 was playing and reached for the remote, turning it off. He picked up his phone and squinted at the time, 11:06 pm, then focused on the notifications on his screen, the latest being a WhatsApp message from Carlos a minute ago. He tapped it open while ignoring all the Instagram notifications that had come in.

Carlos – Sorry babe, we got caught up talking. Be home in a bit.

He squeezed his eyes shut as the feeling of abandonment flooded him. An emotion he had been way too familiar with over the past year thanks to his father. “Do not cry!” he told himself harshly. He shakily opened the group chat with Marjan and Paul to see a video from Marjan which Paul had reacted to with the angry face emoji.

TK licked his lips and opened the video. Instantly wishing he had not. Carlos had reposted Iris’ video with a water fight gif added. A video in which he was being referred to as her husband. Which was not even a lie.

He roughly wiped his face of the tears only for more to instantly replace them. He was startled by the huge sobs that overtook his body and frantically patted his chest. He needed to calm down! He could not allow Carlos to see him this way. Carlos had seen him cry and break down before. TK had sobbed for weeks over his mom dying. He had sobbed when his sobriety was snatched away from him. He had spent hours held safe in Carlos’ strong arms while he grieved. But not this time. Not now. Because he did not feel safe with Carlos anymore.

The thought shocked him cold and grounded him. He wiped his face on his sleeve. He did not trust Carlos.

From the big secret, Carlos had kept from him for the entirety of their relationship to the little things that were coming up now where Carlos was prioritizing Iris over TK. It was startling to realize that each bit had chiseled away at the trust between them. The love was still there but how could he do this without trust? What was love without trust?

“I can’t be here,” he whispered and stood up.

His heart sank when he realized he had nowhere to go. Owen had not reached out to him in weeks. The few calls he had made to Owen had gone unanswered and unreturned. He did not know what he had done to alienate his father but it was done. Running to Owen was not an option.

He remembered that Paul had an early doctor’s appointment tomorrow with his cardiologist. There was no way he was disturbing his friend’s rest.

Marjan would welcome him but he did not know if she would be comfortable with him spending the night. “This is not an emergency, do not risk Marjan’s comfort. She doesn’t deserve that,” he whispered to himself. He patted his chest, he was not a bad friend. He would not do that to Marjan.

Nancy had proven to be more if not all team Carlos than TK so he did not care to test that. He rubbed his face. “Grow the fuck up and manage your emotions like a fucking adult, Tyler-Kennedy Morgan-Strand! You can deal with sleeping under the same roof for a few more nights. Stop being stupid.”

He nodded to himself. He could do this. He could just adult up and pretend to be asleep when Carlos came home.

He made up the couch, drank a glass of water, turned off all the lights, and settled down to sleep. Just two more nights. Just take a deep breath. Take a deep, steady breath…

Day 27

TK blinked awake and turned onto his back. He winced at the dull pain in his head and sore, swollen eyes. He knew what it meant, he had cried himself to sleep. He had done it all too often over the past year not to know what it felt like.

He sat up slowly and reached for the glass of water on his bedside table only to realize there was no glass. He was on the couch. He sighed and stood up, making his way to the kitchen for a glass of water. As he stood drinking it he realized the bedroom doors were open and the bed empty. Had Carlos not come home last night?

He hurriedly set the glass down and went into the bedroom. Last night Carlos had told him he would be home soon. Had there been an accident? He looked around the silent living room, then hurried back to grab his phone. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw a message from Carlos from a couple of minutes ago.

Carlos – Good morning baby. I left for work, hope I didn’t wake you. You were sleeping so peacefully 🙂

He swiped into Paul’s message letting him know his checkup went fine. He reacted with a heart emoji.

TK – Happy for you brother <heart emoji>

He stood with his hands braced on the bathroom counter staring at himself. He looked rough. After splashing cold water on his face he once again looked at himself and shook his head. This would not do. Maybe a cold shower would help.

He stripped and climbed in the shower, wincing as the cold water stung his skin. He began shivering which he had expected. The cold was no longer his friend. He had been encouraged by his therapist to avoid cold showers but he needed this today. He needed to feel something. He needed it to feel alive. And every drop of cold water against his skin felt like a needle stabbing him. It made him feel alive.

Fifteen minutes later he dressed in sweats and a hoodie. His hands were shaking when he sat down on the couch with his phone.

Paul – Want me to bring the suitcases over?

TK hesitated then decided to go ahead and get started with it. He would talk to Carlos tonight.

TK – Yes, if you have the time.

Paul – My day is yours. Will be there in a bit.

TK – <heart emoji>

TK opened the group chat next and winced at Marjan’s message urging him not to look at Carlos’ Instagram. Of course, he was going to look!

TK – I have to see. Send me what else Iris posted? Please?

He finally opened the message he had been dreading. His reality check. The friend who lived far enough away that they could get real with each other without it making life uncomfortable.

Buck – TK, what the actual fuck is going on with Carlos? Why is he hell-bent on humiliating you? I’m worried about you dude, this is not ok. Call me.

He sniffed as fresh tears slid down his face.

TK – I don’t even fucking know. Going to NY on Thursday night. Call you once there.

He bit his lip. Did he sound too dismissive? Would Buck get mad at him? Upset with him? He began to text back with apologies and was halfway through his second sentence when he paused for a moment to think it through. This was Buck. One of the few people he was completely honest with. Who he treated as his dear diary and shared with him the secret things he did not with others. They had promised to be their most authentic selves with each other. He did not need to apologize.

He erased the message and moved to Instagram. Time to see what Carlos had been posting.

—

TK opened the door and tried to smile at Paul. “Thanks for coming over.”

Paul took one look at his face and sighed, “You saw.”

“Yes, I saw my…,” he trailed off and shook his head, “the man I’m living with having a half-naked water fight with his wife. I saw him reposting that for the people who didn’t know to now see and find out that he has a wife. I saw his wife and sister-in-law sitting snuggled cuddled up to him for movie time. I know he ate pizza that he doesn’t really enjoy eating, especially on a gym day, with them when he won’t do that with me.” TK squeezed his eyes shut, “I saw it all and will have more to see when Marjan sends me what all Iris posted.”

He was startled when strong arms wrapped around him. With a sigh, he buried his head in Paul’s shoulder and clung on.

“I got you,” Paul whispered.

—

Ninety minutes later TK was neatly folding his t-shirts to pack away when there was a knock on the door. TK glanced at Paul who was folding his jeans.

“You expecting anybody?” Paul asked.

“No. No one just drops in.” TK bit his lip and moved to the door. Please don’t let it be Iris, please don’t let it be Iris, he chanted in his head. He sighed in relief when he saw Judd on the ring cam.

He took a deep breath and steadied himself before pasting on a smile and opening the door, “Hey, Judd, what brings you by?”

Judd stared at him. “Hey, Judd, what brings you by? Is that seriously what you’re saying to me, mini Strand when I’ve called and texted for an hour and you haven’t replied?”

TK winced, “Um, oops? I put my phone on silent and have been ignoring it.”

In truth, TK had seen the stories and posts Marjan had sent them of Carlos’ evening with the Blakes and in how many posts Iris had referred to Carlos as her husband and Michelle had referred to him as her brother-in-law. It had sent him into another crying fit until he had finally put his phone on silent and left it on the coffee table. His phone had probably continued to blow up with well-meaning family and friends texting him, surprised by Carlos’ posts. He had been receiving condolence messages from people assuming by Carlos’ posts that he and Carlos had broken up.

Judd squeezed TK’s shoulder, “What do you need, TK? You want me to have a talk with Reyes and set him straight, ask him to knock off the disrespect?”

TK swallowed hard and shook his head. “No, but thank you for the offer.” He licked his dry lips, “I’m moving out. I need some space from all this.”

Judd patted TK’s shoulder, “Good for you, kid. I know I speak for Gracie and myself when I say you’re welcome to our spare room.”

TK smiled tremulously, “Thanks, but I’ve got a home on Paul’s couch. He’s here now helping me pack.”

Judd nodded, “What can I do to help?”

“Uh, I think we’re set but you can hang out if you want.”

Judd nodded again. He lifted up a box, “Grace sent cookies for you.”

TK’s face softened, “Thanks.”

“Ah, man, come fold TK’s hundred dainty socks with me,” Paul greeted Judd.

“I like socks!” TK protested.

“Can I ask how Carlos took the news of you moving out?” Judd asked carefully after a few minutes of silence.

“Ah, I haven’t told him yet,” TK admitted softly. “I was going to do it last night and explain my reasons. But he had to suddenly go away to play plumber for his mother-in-law.” He made a face at how bitter he sounded. “This morning he left while I was still asleep. So I’ll do it tonight. But I want to still pack up. I’m going to New York on Thursday evening.”

Judd nodded, “Tommy told me.”

TK made a face. Tommy really should not have been disclosing his private leave information. He sighed, “Yeah, I want to go visit Enzo and Jonah. I need a break from my mess of a life.”

“I don’t blame you. There’s been a lot come at you in a short time,” Judd agreed. “Owen been in touch?”

“Nope,” TK said simply. His eyes flicked to Paul, “Paul?”

Paul sighed, “He called me after my doctor’s appointment this morning to see how I was doing. Had offered earlier to come with me as well.”

Judd groaned, “That man has a screw loose.”

TK shrugged, “At this point, I don’t even care.”

“Are you going to tell the crew before you leave?” Paul asked.

“Yeah, I’ll tell them tomorrow. Just that I’m taking a few days off and going to visit family.”

“Your daddy loves you, TK,” Judd said gently.

TK nodded, “I know he does, Judd. He just doesn’t seem to care enough to be around or reach out and I got tired of just listening to the phone ring when I called, of leaving voicemails, of messages not getting returned, of him just not being there, of not showing up for me, of him not wanting me around in his life. I’m not opening the door back for him. I do have a father who is always there for me and a brother who is growing up way too fast without me. I need to focus on the good right now.”

Judd nodded, “Understood.”

—

That evening TK looked at his near-empty closet. Only a day’s worth of clothes were left in there. His bag for New York was packed and in his car. After work tomorrow he would take his bags to Paul’s apartment and store them. Paul had already taken one set for him. Judd would hold onto his car at his place. He nodded, now all he had to do was get through this conversation with Carlos without breaking down into the hot mess Iris had branded him to be.

He pressed his lips together and blinked rapidly. He could do this. He was NOT weak! He was a cryer. That did not equal weakness. He was emotional and that was okay.

He rubbed his arms as he left the bedroom and went to the couch. Plopping down he curled up in the corner, grabbed his phone, and tapped open his conversation with Buck.

Buck – But you’re ok?

TK – As ok as can be considering…

Buck – Yeah…

Fuck. I can’t believe he’s done this to you. You need me to come?

TK stared at Buck’s last message. Did he need Buck in person? Each time the other had offered they had taken their friend up on it. Buck had visited TK after his sister’s boyfriend had punched him in the face and fractured Buck’s zygomatic bone. He had used his downtime from work while recovering to hang around Austin with TK, Carlos, and Paul with Judd near adopting him while fretting over his eye. TK in turn had visited Buck after he had nearly died from hypothermia. The warmth of Los Angeles and lying about Buck’s sun-soaked apartment had felt great and had done plenty to warm up his bones and his soul. They were friends. Friends who worked in the same field. They were also completely separate from each other’s friends which made discussing their lives much easier.

He bit his lip.

TK – Not just yet. Let me figure out my head for a bit. And thanks. I appreciate you.

He smiled at his phone and set it down. It felt good to have a friend out of the 126, out of this entire situation who was purely his friend, as Buck had made it clear several times that while he liked Carlos, he was completely team TK. For Buck, Carlos was merely TK’s significant other. And TK needed that. He needed someone entirely at his back.

He blew out a breath. He now had Enzo, the Rossi family, and Buck entirely at his back. And in Austin, he had Paul, Marjan, Grace, and Judd who were entirely at his back in this situation and beyond. Judd occasionally found TK’s antics to be dumbassery as he referred to it, but he made it clear that TK came first for him. Similarly with Paul who had made it clear that to him TK came first. Marjan could be neutral but in this scenario, she was entirely against what Carlos was doing and the way he was treating TK had put her back up.

He knew he should not be pleased that she was against Carlos but he was pleased that she was with him. He needed support too.

He grabbed his book and curled up. Carlos would be home soon. They could eat dinner together and talk. “I just have to communicate without getting hysterical,” he told himself.

—

An hour later TK looked away from his book when his phone rang. He saw Carlos’ smiling face on the screen and bit his lip. This was not going to be good.

“Hey, Los,” he said lightly, hoping against hope that Carlos wasn’t calling with an excuse.

“Hey, babe,” Carlos sighed, “sorry I’m running late. Things are a bit crazy here with ten people down with a stomach bug. I’m not going to get out of here for at least another hour. And my parents want me to come over for dinner. They really need to talk to me. Said it’s urgent. I meant to let you know earlier but we got slammed at work.” He sighed, “Why does everyone suddenly need to talk,” he muttered distractedly.

TK winced, probably because you posted about a wife on your social media, Carlos. “Okay, I hope everything’s alright with them. I’ll see you later,” was all he said to Carlos.

“See you babe.”

TK thought of the stir fry sitting on the pan and dragged himself up. He would eat a little and take the rest to work. But as he stood looking at it, his appetite deserted him and he just did not have the will to reach for it. He packed it away to take to work tomorrow and quickly washed the pan. Staring at the box on the counter he nodded and helped himself to two of Grace’s cookies and a cup of milk. He would do some comfort food tonight. If he couldn’t have grandma Rose’s cookies, Grace’s would help.

He sat down on the couch wondering what to do. When he had decided on this timeline, he had not anticipated that he would not be able to talk to Carlos. As he nibbled on the cookie he wondered if Carlos’ ‘people needing to talk’ was a dig at TK too. He bit down on the cookie and chewed aggressively, whether Carlos wanted to or not, they had to have a conversation.

TK’s clothes had been moved out. Carlos was going to notice. TK wanted to tell him before that happened.

“He moved me in without a discussion or my permission, I can move out without a discussion and I definitely don’t need his permission,” TK mumbled then winced. That was a dick move. He could not do that. TK’s choices were now to talk to Carlos tonight which was not the greatest after he had already worked late and was now expected to report to his parents. Or talk to him tomorrow morning before work.

He paused and remembered that Carlos had taken the day off tomorrow for his wife’s birthday. He made a face at himself for constantly thinking of her as Carlos’ wife. But that was what she was. Carlos had even joked about it. And now both Carlos and Iris had taken it to social media. Where the majority had not taken it as a joke.

He bit his lip. What if it was not? What if it was not a joke? TK shook his head. No! Carlos would not do that to him. He was not going to stay married to Iris. To a woman. Carlos was gay and in love with him. Carlos wanted a future with him.

“He has lied before,” he whispered to himself. “He had ample opportunity to tell me about his wife. Carlos doesn’t trust me.” He squeezed his eyes shut. He needed to stop this.

“Stop overthinking,” he told himself sternly. He stood up, “I’m going to bed.” He winced and tugged at his hair, “I need to stop talking to myself out loud,” he mumbled as he walked away.

Day 28

When TK woke up the next morning he was grateful for the melatonin he had popped before bed. He had slept well and was ready to talk to Carlos. He smiled to himself in the bathroom mirror and did not think it looked as forced as it felt to him. It would just have to do as it was the best he had to offer.

He thought he would be upset over moving out of his home. But was startled to realize that all he felt was relieved. He groaned as he rotated his neck. He had a physically demanding job and sleeping on the couch did not make for the best night’s rest.

But that’s what you have signed yourself up for. Nights on Paul’s couch. Invading his space. “No,” TK whispered as he shoved the thought away. He was welcome at Paul’s.

When he came out of the bathroom he was surprised to find Carlos up and in the kitchen. Cooking. He felt a bit better about last night and his smile felt less forced at the thought that Carlos was making them breakfast so they could finally eat a meal together. The smile fell off his face when he saw the taco fixings.

“Morning, babe,” Carlos said with a distracted smile.

“Morning,” TK said slowly. “What are you making?”

“It’s Iris’ birthday today,” was all Carlos said.

TK waited for a long moment for more information but none came. He nodded and moved past Carlos to make himself his celery juice shot. After he drank it down he stood observing Carlos and did not feel the man was open to a potentially heavy conversation. Hell, he did not seem open to ANY conversation.

That’s that, TK thought as he rinsed out his glass before draining the almonds he had soaked overnight. He peeled them and left five in the bowl for Carlos and took his seven to the couch with his phone.

He was lost in watching people’s Instagram stories when Carlos called out to him.

“TK, can you take the day off?”

TK blinked and focused back from where he had zoned out looking at a friend’s New Zealand trip. “Um, why?” He asked and turned to find Carlos standing by the kitchen.

“It’s Iris’ birthday,” Carlos said again. He waved his phone, “She’s invited you to join us,” he said brightly.

TK stared at him and realized Carlos was serious. He was seriously asking if TK would take the day off two hours before his shift for Carlos’ wife’s last-minute birthday invite. He wet his dry lips and shook his head, “It won’t be possible. Please wish her a happy birthday from me.”

Carlos nodded, “It’s an impromptu plan,” he said hastily.

TK thought over the food prep Carlos had going on, the ingredients for which he had to have had a prior plan made, and how he had taken the day off, but sure, it was an impromptu plan. He watched Carlos wander back to the kitchen and thumped his head against the pillow. He needed to get ready so he could talk to Carlos and get right out of there.

Twenty-five minutes later he packed the last of his toiletries, clothes, and chargers away. He put his iPad into his work bag and then stood in the bedroom nervous about the small trolley suitcase with him. He didn’t know what he’d say when Carlos asked about it. Though now he wondered if Carlos would even notice.

“You mind if I jump in the shower first, babe?”

TK’s eyes widened and he quickly put his suitcase away into his now-empty closet. He blew out a breath while calling himself all kinds of an idiot at his nervous reaction. “Sure.”

Carlos appeared in the bedroom doorway a minute later, “Oh, you’re ready already.” He smiled and moved toward the bathroom, “You usually like to lounge around.”

“Uh, yeah.” TK’s response was lost to Carlos shutting the bathroom door. He sighed and hoped he could talk to Carlos when he got out of the shower.

He made his way into the kitchen now that it was free and made himself a cup of coffee and cut up a banana. He gave into the temptation to look over all of Carlos’ food, his eyebrows going up in surprise at what all he had planned for Iris. The quantity was for more than three people. This is how much Carlos made when they hosted their friends for dinner. Just who all were Carlos and Iris spending the day with today? And how on earth could he refer to this as an impromptu plan?

He decided not to ask. It was none of his business. He shoved away the thought that Carlos had ignored his question when he had asked what he was cooking. Taking his food out to the couch he sat down and prepared himself to talk to Carlos. He was reluctant to dump this on Carlos before a social day for him but he had run out of time.

He was startled when Carlos hurried out of the bathroom and rushed to the kitchen. “Carlos?” He stood up and moved closer, watching as Carlos began to quickly pack away the food he had cooked.

“I have to get going,” Carlos said with a distracted smile at TK.

“I had hoped we could sit and talk for a bit,” TK said hesitantly. This could not be happening.

“Sorry, baby, I’m in a rush.” Carlos snapped on the lids to the boxes which to TK felt like the conversation was being snapped to an end, and packed them into a bag.

Carlos smiled at TK, “We’ll talk tomorrow,” he promised. He kissed TK’s cheek and squeezed his arm, “Have a good shift, be safe.”

TK covered his mouth as he watched Carlos head for the door, worried he would blurt out that he was moving out. He didn’t know what he was going to do if Carlos came home tomorrow and discovered all of TK’s things were gone.

He bit his lip and contemplated writing a letter. Just a short one so that Carlos would not be surprised if he opened TK’s closet tonight and discovered his things were gone.

He moved you in without discussion. You can move out without discussion. He has a WIFE. The thought came unbidden again and this time TK found it harder to push it away.

He had tried thrice to talk to Carlos about this. He had honestly tried. It was not his fault that Carlos had been utterly unavailable to him for the past forty-eight hours. He nodded, and it was fine. Tomorrow after work he would text Carlos and let him know he felt he had to move out. They were not dating right now. He did not have to let Carlos know that he was going to New York. Some distance would do them good and without him around maybe Carlos would get the divorce moving too. It would all be fine. It had to be.

—

“Hey, how’d it go?” Paul asked softly when he joined TK in the locker room.

TK shook his head, “It didn’t. He had to work late yesterday, then his parents urgently wanted him to go meet them. This morning he was distracted and rushed off to celebrate Iris’ birthday.”

“Damn,” Paul sighed. “Maybe he won’t notice? Why would he need to go in your closet?”

TK nodded rapidly, “That’s what I’m hoping for. I’ll talk to him.” He pressed his fingers against his temple, “Well, I don’t know when, but I will talk to him.” He met Paul’s eyes and whispered, “I’m feeling less and less inclined to explain my emotions to him the more this is stretching out.”

Paul patted his shoulder, “You didn’t do anything wrong. You tried twice.”

“You alright?” Judd asked as he joined them.

“He didn’t get a chance to talk to Carlos,” Paul said and filled Judd in on what had happened to prevent the conversation.

Judd sighed and ran a hand over his head, “That’s unfortunate timing there, TK, but hardly your fault. Maybe you could talk on the phone tonight?”

“Or talk to him on the phone tomorrow while he’s at work?” Paul suggested.

“No, I’d rather not talk while he’s at work. Part of me wants to just tell him I’m going home for a few days and deal with it when I get back but that would be a dick move.”

Judd cleared his throat, “As far as I’m concerned he started the dick moves and he’s been consistent with them. You’ve had enough and if you dump this all aside to deal with after some good times with your daddy Zo and little J, I’m all for it,” he said firmly.

“Daddy Zo,” TK smiled, “I like that.”

Judd shrugged, “He’s your daddy but so is Owen. Daddy Zo helps keep them apart in my head.” He patted TK’s shoulder, “You tried the nice, delicate approach, it didn’t work out. Give yourself a break.”

“Yes, TK, you need to be kinder to yourself. You’re the victim in this,” Paul said and sighed when TK flinched.

He was not ready for that word to be associated with him. Not in this situation. Not with Carlos.

“Hey guys,” Mateo said as he walked in.

TK was relieved at the interruption. He did not have the emotional bandwidth to listen to what Paul had to say right now. He squeezed Paul’s arm and hoped his friend understood that he appreciated him. Paul’s answering nod told him all was okay between them.

—

“Oh, stir fry?” Nancy asked as she sat down.

“TK brought it,” Paul said as he divided it between three bowls for TK, Marjan, and himself.

“Nice, I love Carlos’ stir fry.”

TK and Marjan exchanged a look. “When have you had Carlos’ stir fry?” TK asked, confused.

“Uh, every time we’ve met up for dinner at one of our homes,” Nancy laughed.

Marjan frowned, “That’s TK’s stir fry.”

“Are you sure?” Nancy asked doubtfully.

TK wondered what on earth he had done to her for his work partner to be so into Carlos while doubting him.

“Yes, I’m sure,” Marjan said slowly and firmly. “TK always makes sure there’s one halal meat dish on the table for me. I love this stir fry so he always does me the kindness of making it for me.” She smiled at TK and gently bumped her shoulder against his.

TK smiled a small smile at her and pressed his shoulder back against hers.

“Aww, bud, why didn’t you tell me you made the stir fry?” Nancy asked.

“You didn’t ask,” TK said.

She looked around, “Did you guys know TK made the stir fry and not Carlos?”

TK bit his lip at the “yeses” that echoed around the table.

“Guess I had it wrong,” Nancy admitted. “Sorry, TK.”

TK nodded and began eating. He noticed his father had not joined them for dinner. Again. He wondered if he should bother seeking his father out to let Owen know he was taking the next week off. Then decided against it since Owen never let him know when he was taking time off. He poked his fork into a crispy potato and tapped it against his plate. He had no extra grace to extend to anyone at this moment. He was running on fumes. Owen Strand could just hear about his leave when he did.

“Aww, that is so cute! Family picnic,” Nancy cooed, looking at her phone.

“That is cute,” Mateo agreed leaning into her to look at her phone, “I spy Carlos’ tacos.”

“That cake has to be from Chez Zee,” Nancy pointed out to Mateo.

TK resisted the urge to look at what they were talking about.

“TK, how come you didn’t go?” Mateo asked.

“Go where?” TK asked carefully.

“The picnic, for Iris’ birthday,” Nancy said and turned her phone to show him a group photo of Iris and her family with Carlos and Andrea Reyes, all gathered around her cake.

TK felt his appetite completely desert him. Andrea was there. With Carlos. Celebrating her daughter-in-law’s birthday. He relaxed slightly when Paul’s hand clamped down on his thigh.

“Iris invited me this morning. I was told it was an impromptu plan. I didn’t want to ask for the day off last minute,” TK forced out. He knew he sounded a little stiff but there was nothing he could do about it. He would rather over-explain himself in this situation so that no one could turn him into the bad guy.

“No, it wasn’t,” Mateo blurted out. “Chez Zee doesn’t do impromptu. They require forty-eight hours’ notice for whole cakes.” He looked at Marjan, “Remember we had to place the order a week out for Tarlos’ engagement cake ’cause they had that big event to cater for as well?”

TK shrugged, “Well, Iris only invited me this morning via Carlos, so it was impromptu for me.”

He decided to ignore the look Nancy and Mateo exchanged. Now that they were a couple Mateo always sided with Nancy. TK did not think it was healthy but it was not his place to say anything. He certainly had not listened to his friends about Alex. Everyone had to figure out how to be their individual self while in a relationship at their own time.

He forced a few more bites of food into his mouth while pushing what was left around his plate. He bit his lip, he had been down this cycle before. First came the reduction in meals and portion sizes when his appetite deserted him, then came no meals, and then came the desire to take a little something to ease his nerves and anxiety so he could eat.

He pushed his plate away with a shaky hand. He forced himself to take calm, controlled breaths. Things were not in dire straits. If he had not thrown away his hard-won and hard-maintained sobriety over his mother’s death, he was not going to over life throwing lemons of public humiliation his way.

He had done nothing wrong here. He was not going to care what others were judging him for. What others thought of him was none of his damn business! He just had to keep reminding himself of that. Maybe eventually he’d believe it.

—

The shift so far had been a slow one which TK appreciated. He had been able to sit away from Nancy. He did not blame her for preferring Carlos to him but her blatant and vocal support of him and frequent mentions of him at TK’s place of work made him uncomfortable. They were colleagues and TK knew he deserved better than this.

At 10 pm he gave in and asked Marjan to check and see what Iris had been posting. He glanced at her and Paul when they joined him even as Marjan’s screenshots and screen recordings came through on their group chat.

TK – Have you watched Carlos’?

Marjan – Yes. It’s… not as bad as Iris’.

He looked at them to find them both looking worriedly at him. Then Paul sent a message.

Paul – It’s not bad, TK. Not awful. Just feels inappropriate to us.

Marjan – It looks inappropriate to me even with context tbh.

TK blew out a breath and rubbed his face. He was not in the right frame of mind for this. Not after what his friends had to say about it.

TK – I’ll watch later.

He paused, would waiting help? He did not have it in him to watch Carlos and Andrea play happy family with Iris and her family and then have a conversation with Carlos to tell him he had moved out. And with the mood he was in, all he could think was that it was happy families. Why else would Carlos’ mother attend Carlos’ wife’s birthday party? Impromptu birthday party my ass, he thought. Did Carlos even care that he had lied to TK about it when he had asked if he could take the day off this morning? He was lying to TK for Iris. Or was he just so thrilled that his wifey had decided to invite TK to her party that he had lied so that TK might want to go? Had he been convincing Iris to invite TK?

He closed his eyes and shuddered when he realized that if he had taken the day off and gone to the party, he would have been the odd one out. The hanger-on at a family get-together. He sniffed and looked at his phone when it buzzed.

Paul – What? You’ve gone pale.

TK pressed his lips together to control his emotions.

TK – Carlos asked if I could take the day off today. At 10 am. Cause Iris had invited me to her “impromptu” birthday party.

Marjan – That bitch!

TK and Paul looked at her in surprise. It was rare that Marjan cursed. As Marjan typed furiously on the screen, their phones began buzzing with the messages.

Marjan – Cake from Chez Zee!
Carlos made tacos!
Took the day off!
His mother is there!
This all speaks to planning! Yet your invite arrived last minute?
And Carlos had the audacity to issue it!
What is going on with him?!

TK – Well good. I thought I was being too sensitive.

Paul – You’re not & it wouldn’t matter if you are! What’s going on isn’t right, TK. None of this is fair to you.

TK – Thanks. It helps that I have you two on my side. Your support means more than I can express right now.

Marjan reacted to his message with a heart.

Marjan – Always.

Paul – Us and Judd, Grace. You have people here that are appalled on your behalf. I bet people who know you both are wondering what the hell is up with Carlos.

TK wanted to believe that but he wondered if people would now think TK had been shacking up with a married man. He cringed each time it crossed his mind.

—

TK glanced at his phone. It was 11 pm and Carlos had not checked in with him yet. Carlos always checked in when TK was on shift before he went to bed. He did not know which option he preferred, that Carlos had not gone to bed yet, or that he had forgotten. Forgotten about TK.

He stared at the Instagram app. All he had to do was check to see when Carlos had posted last. Or the tracking app Carlos had put on both their phones. He would then know exactly where Carlos was. His thumb hovered over the app before he quickly locked his screen. No. He and Carlos were currently not in a relationship and now did not live together. He did not need to know where Carlos was.

But Carlos does not know we no longer live together so technically I do still deserve to know where he is. He rolled his eyes at his mental gymnastics and opened up the app. Only to stare in shock that Carlos’ location was not on it. His thoughts immediately began a slideshow of all the things that could have happened to him. One of which was that his phone had died. He froze for a long moment at that thought and focused on his breathing.

Simple explanation, it has to be the simplest explanation. Even our luck is not so bad to be kidnapped twice in the same month! He blinked, had it only been a month since Iris had come into his life? He rubbed his jaw when he calculated. It had been twenty-one days. And twenty-eight days since Carlos had dropped his big secret and forever changed their relationship. He stared at his phone and nodded.

TK – Goodnight Los. I’m going to bed. Hope you had a good day.

He watched the single tick mark on his message to signify it had not been delivered yet and locked his phone. It was time to check out.

Day 29

When TK woke up at 2 am for a call, he deliberately did not check his phone until after they had dropped their patient at the hospital and were on their way back to the 126.

One new message from Carlos at 12:58 am

Carlos – Hope you sleep through the night, baby. I missed you today. Love you.

TK had not received a single message from Carlos all day when they usually texted several times throughout the day. But sure, he was willing to believe that Carlos had missed him while celebrating his wife’s birthday.

They were called out again at 6 am and once done with that call they were asked to join the firefighters at a cafe kitchen fire. TK did his job efficiently, smiled, and soothed his patients, exuding warmth and care while internally all he felt was cold. It was not good. He was well aware it was not good. He just had to hold on a little bit longer and then he could break down in a safe place. He would break down, cry, mope, and cuddle his J while being cuddled by his Zo. That is how it would go.

—

At 8 am TK decided he couldn’t put it off and would tell Carlos he was going to New York. No matter what was going on between them now, he still loved him and did not want Carlos to worry about him.

TK – Morning. We didn’t really get a chance to talk this week. Just wanted to let you know I’m going to NY for a couple of days. Shall see you when I get back. Stay safe.

He was surprised when he saw Carlos immediately begin typing before he stopped and his phone began buzzing with an incoming call.

“Hey,” he said softly as he stood up and walked away from the kitchen where a portion of the shift was gathered for breakfast.

“Hey. Is everything okay? Why the sudden trip?” Carlos asked quietly.

“I really wanted to see them and I have the days to use.”

“We had planned to go to New York together.”

“Can you really take the time right now? Iris seems to need you,” TK said carefully.

“TK.”

TK could hear the conflict in Carlos’ voice. He knew Carlos loved him. He knew he felt torn between his old friend, his wife, and TK. He really didn’t want to make things harder for Carlos. But he wasn’t going to hurt himself to support Carlos so he could support his old friend, wife, whatever she was to him.

“I heard her, Los. She wasn’t comfortable talking to you with me around in our apartment. This gives us all some breathing space and you guys get some time to sort things out and apply for the divorce.” He quickly changed the subject, “How was yesterday?”

There was a long moment of silence before Carlos replied softly, “It was good. Iris was really happy that everyone showed up for her,” he said softly.

“Good, I’m glad. Life has thrown a lot at her. She deserves good people around her,” TK put every last bit of kindness he had left into saying all the right things. He may not like Iris but she had gone through a lot in life and deserved all good things and people celebrating her. All the while he hated himself for his inability to put his own needs first. That was him, always the people pleaser.

Carlos sighed shakily, “You’re amazing, baby and I just know you and Iris are going to be the best of friends once you spend more time together and get to know each other.”

TK highly doubted it. Even if all Iris had been was Carlos’ old friend and not his wife, he knew himself and he was just too sensitive to have a friend who was as blunt as Iris. He tried to utter a ‘sure,’ but it refused to come out. “I do need to talk to you about something but let’s talk tonight? I should be in and at Zo’s by 9 pm.”

There was a pause then Carlos said, “Okay. Have a safe flight, baby. Text before take-off and when you land?”

“Sure. Oh, I ordered more fabric softener. It should be delivered today.” Their bottle had fallen and spilled last week and they had not replaced it.

“Thank you. I was going to go to the store after work,” Carlos said in a pleased tone.

“You’re welcome,” TK said.

“TK, breakfast!”

“I’ll let you go. I love you,” Carlos said.

Could he risk that it may be the last chance he ever got to tell Carlos he loved him and he didn’t take it? TK pressed his lips together to hold back the words but ended up saying them. “I love you,” he sighed and cut the call. He bit his lip hard as guilt and a feeling of ugliness flooded him again. He did not care that Carlos’ marriage was to him in name only. It still made TK feel guilty to be expressing his love for a married man.

“I’m going to need so much therapy by the time this chapter of my life ends,” he muttered to himself.

He slid into the free seat next to Judd and accepted the bowl of fruit and yogurt Paul slid to him with a murmured thanks.

“Come home with me after work? You can see Charlotte, eat lunch, and then we’ll take you to the airport after,” Judd said.

TK smiled, “That sounds perfect, thanks.”

“You going somewhere, TK?” Mason asked.

TK smiled, “Yeah, I’m going to New York to visit family.” He laughed when the man’s eyes lit up, “Want me to bring you back bagels?” Mason had expressed his undying love for New York bagels when Gwyn had bought bagels for the 126 reopening. The man had grown up there and no other bagel was acceptable to him.

Mason moaned, “Yes, please man, if you can. It’s been forever and a day since I ate a New York bagel.”

“You got it, man,” TK promised. “Let me know if you think of anything else you’d like.”

“Hey, we have good bagels here,” Mateo heard and protested.

“It ain’t New York bagels,” Mason said with a firm shake of his head.

“You’re going to New York?”

All conversations stopped and everyone looked between TK and Owen Strand.

“Yes,” TK said lightly.

“Why? When?” Owen’s questions were abrupt and it reflected on everyone with the way they shifted and continued looking at them.

“In a couple of hours. To visit my family,” TK said.

“Can we talk in my office?” Owen asked, seeming to realize he had put himself and TK on display.

“Sure,” TK said and raised his voice when Owen turned away, “I’ll join you in a bit after I’m done eating.”

Owen turned back, a surprised expression on his face, then nodded and left.

When Judd nodded approvingly at him he knew he had done the right thing. He was not going to leave his meal just because his father, Owen-inquisitive-Strand finally wanted to talk.

—

TK prepared himself while walking to his father’s office. It had been surprisingly easy to begin slipping back into the casual attitude he used to adopt when dealing with Owen as a teenager. But he was also just so tired and drained by the past few weeks. Months. It had just been a difficult year. And Owen had not been around much.

He knocked lightly on Owen’s open doorway, “Hey.”

“TK, come in,” Owen looked TK over. “So, what’s this about?”

“What’s what about?” TK asked lightly. He stayed standing and observed his father seated at his desk looking every inch Captain Strand, the veteran firefighter captain that he was.

Owen frowned, “Why are you suddenly going to New York?”

“Oh,” TK waved his hand negligently, “I had the time saved up so instead of Enzo and J coming here, I thought it’d be a nice break to go there and make a little holiday of it.”

“Is Carlos going with you?”

“No.”

Owen entwined his fingers on the desk and leaned forward, “Why not?”

TK tilted his head wondering what his father really wanted to know. “I’m going to visit my family and friends. Carlos really doesn’t need to be there.”

“Is everything okay between you two?”

TK had answered all of Owen’s prying questions peacefully but now he was starting to get angry. Owen had not been around for months but suddenly he felt like he had the right to ask these questions. He had heard that Carlos was married. He hadn’t reached out to TK. Why the sudden damn interest?

“What’s up, Dad?” he asked casually. “Why the sudden interest?”

Owen gaped, “Sudden? TK, You’re my son. I care about you!”

“All I’m doing is taking a little holiday, Dad. I don’t see why that has warranted so many questions.”

Owen stood up, “With everything that has gone down with Carlos and Iris, you don’t think I should worry that you’re suddenly taking off?”

TK shrugged, “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

Owen looked closely at TK, “You’re okay with the situation?”

The call coming through for medical helped TK escape the bizarre situation with a wave. He could not help but think that Owen only suddenly cared because TK was going home to the man Owen had spent years considering as his rival – Enzo Rossi.

—

TK smiled as Charlotte Ryder sat on his lap tapping at his face.

“You indulge her with this patting-slapping game and then Gracie and I have to suffer the consequences,” Judd grumbled.

“It’s hardly slapping,” TK told him. He cooed at Charlotte, “Is it, Char?” He kissed her little hand making her giggle, “This little miss is just tapping. Aren’t you, Char? Yes, you are.”

“You’re terrible,” Judd said fondly. “A terrible enabler.”

“And what are you, Mr. Ryder? When our little miss tap slapped my daddy, you laughed!” Grace pointed out. She looked at TK, “He threw you under the bus with that and told Daddy you taught her the game.”

Judd began protesting, “Hey now, that’s different!”

TK grinned unrepentantly, “At least I got her to stop pulling!”

“Yes, yes,” Grace waved Judd off and kissed his cheek. She smiled at TK, “Mama’s very happy with you and promised you pie.” She bent down and kissed Charlotte’s cheek when TK lifted her up laughing when she got a small hand patting her cheek for her trouble. Grace squeezed TK’s shoulder, “You have a good visit home, TK. Say hello to your father and give that sweet baby J a cuddle from me. I’ll see you when you get back.”

“Thanks, Grace. Have a smooth shift,” TK said easily. He smiled when Judd sat down opposite him, “This was exactly what I didn’t know I needed. Thanks, Judd.”

Judd nodded, “You’re welcome here anytime, TK. Anytime. You’re also welcome to bunk down when you’re back. The offer is always open.”

TK nodded, “I’ll keep that in mind,” and focused back on Charlotte. He knew he would never take Judd up on it due to his friendship with Tommy. He needed to start creating some separation in his work life and home.

—

The entire flight to New York TK forced himself to listen to a podcast. Every time his attention wandered to the situation he had left behind at home, he forced it back to the words in his ear and skipped back to listen to what he had missed. He had spent enough time criticizing himself and questioning his self-worth lately. He knew if he gave into his desire to dwell on how a majority of people who claimed to like and love him had betrayed him he would shut down and want to run away from his life.

“No one has power over me,” he whispered his old affirmation to himself, “I am my own rainbow, my own sunshine.”

TK walked out of the airport ready to look for an Uber only to pause and glance back at the well-dressed chauffeurs standing with boards. One of which said Mr. SnugBug. He frowned at the board, SnugBug was something Enzo’s family had called him as a kid. He shook it off as a strange coincidence while wondering who had thought to put that name on a board as he began moving to the line for Ubers.

He saw a man come up to him in the periphery of his vision. “Can I offer you a ride?”

“No thanks,” TK said without looking at the man. As the voice registered to him his head whipped around even as his jaw dropped. “Uncle David!” he laughed and threw himself at the man. He closed his eyes as strong arms closed around him. “What? How are you here?”

“I was visiting Enzo when you called.” David patted TK’s cheek, “I delayed going back to spend a few days with you if you’re okay to share your Zo and J. It’s been too long, kiddo.”

Tears stung TK’s eyes and he swallowed hard. “It has been way too long,” he agreed and allowed David to pull him into another hug. “And I absolutely do want to spend time with you.” He had completely forgotten Enzo had mentioned David would be in town. And was glad for it as this just made for the most pleasant of surprises.

After a long hug, David ran his hand down TK’s back, “Come, let’s go home. Your papa is excitedly awaiting us.”

TK flushed with pleasure at Enzo being referred to as his papa. He never denied it when one of the family referred to Enzo as such. He had been Enzo’s figlio ever since Enzo had taken TK to his family’s home for the very first time mere weeks after he and Gwyn had begun dating.

He took one step toward joining the line for an Uber when David tugged on his arm.

“I have a car waiting,” David said casually.

TK laughed and shook his head, “Of course you do.” He shook his head slightly when a chauffeur holding the Mr. SnugBug sign stepped forward and took his bag, then led him to a parked Mercedes. “Thank you.” He smiled, so he was Mr. SnugBug.

He slipped into the car and smiled at David, “Not that I don’t appreciate you coming to get me but why did you waste your time?”

“Waiting for my favorite nephew is hardly a waste of time,” David scolded him, “and this gives us a little time together before a very excited father and son get their hands on you.”

TK smiled, “I’ve missed them.”

“Visits don’t feel like enough,” David said knowingly. “Now imagine what we feel about you having moved. If you miss one more Christmas, kiddo, mama is going to come to Texas and throw a giant tantrum that will rival anything you kids can throw combined.”

TK winced and held up his hands. He had allowed Owen to guilt him into volunteering to work over the holidays since they had moved to Texas so that people with children and large families got to take the day off. He had urged TK to do it in New York too but he had always refused and gone to the Rossi’s for a big family Christmas.

“I promise, I’ll do better and come home for special occasions and just because as well,” TK promised.

Just because occasions in their life used to be a family lunch just because it was a beautiful summer Sunday. Or because the fruits Nonno grew looked ready to go into a pie. They had plenty of just because celebrations while TK grew up as part of Enzo’s family.

“I still can’t really believe Nonno and Nonna moved to California!” TK exclaimed.

“Likewise. But that was always the plan. To move back to California and live their golden years with their friends. The retirement community is wonderful. Their only complaint is that they planned the move and then Jonah came along,” David said.

TK shook his head, “I’m honestly waiting for Zo to tell me he’s moving there,” TK said fondly.

David smiled at him, “You wouldn’t mind?”

“Mind that Jonah grows up closer to his grandparents with bonus love grandparents who will love him a whole lot? No way,” TK said firmly.

“Enzo seems to think New York is your home.”

“It is my home,” TK smiled, “‘cause he and J are here. My home is where they are.”

David patted TK’s knee, “You’re a good kid, TK. I won’t ask you what’s going on because I promised Enzo I wouldn’t but if you need me, know that I am here for you.”

TK relaxed and rested his head briefly on David’s shoulder, “I know. I appreciate that.”

—

They had barely reached the apartment door before it opened and hands tugged him into a hug. He sighed and tucked his face into Enzo’s shoulder as he sank into the arms that had always represented care and safety to him.

“I’ve got you, my sweet boy,” Enzo gently cupped the back of his head and rocked him as he ran a soothing hand up and down his back.

It was only as he heard the soft words that he realized he had been silently crying on Enzo’s shoulder and shaking in his arms. “I’m okay,” he croaked out.

Enzo tightened his arms around him, “You’re not and that’s okay. Tears don’t mean you’re losing.”

TK buried his face in Enzo’s shoulder and held on.

A short while later he had showered and sent Paul, Marjan, and Carlos a message to let them know he had arrived. Since Owen had not requested he do the same, he hadn’t bothered to.

Leaving his room he leaned against the door jam and watched his brother sleep.

“He tried to stay awake for you,” Enzo said softly.

TK glanced at him and smiled, “He’s only two years old. Tiny man needs his rest.”

Enzo slid his arm around TK and hugged him to his side. “Come, dinner’s ready.”

TK nodded and backed up, then gently shut Jonah’s room door when Enzo waved the baby monitor at him. Tonight he just wanted to enjoy his uncle and father’s company. He would let his worries back in tomorrow.

“Smells so good,” TK said appreciatively as they walked toward the dining table. His jaw dropped when he caught sight of the table. “What did you two do?” he asked in a hushed tone.

“It was David’s idea,” Enzo said easily.

David laughed, “Come now, mio fratello, none of these lies in front of your child!” He looked at TK, “The risotto was my idea.”

“And the tiramisu,” Enzo provided.

David held up his hands, “And the tiramisu. The pasta was Enzo’s idea.”

Enzo held up his hands in acceptance and nodded, “The pasta was my idea.”

TK looked at them in amusement and waited.

“And the garlic bread was just good sense,” Enzo and David chorused together.

TK laughed, there it was. It was something he had heard growing up and was glad to have that bit of his childhood back again. He pulled out his phone and stood up on the chair.

“What on earth are you doing?” David asked bewildered.

“Young people call this taking a photograph, David,” Enzo said breezily. “In your time you would put the roll in your camera, wind it up, take a photo, then take some more before you finally took it into a darkroom to develop and finally sit gazing upon it.”

TK nearly fell off the chair as he burst out laughing.

David pulled the kitchen towel off his shoulder and snapped it in Enzo’s direction, “That’s enough out of you! I’ll have you know I have the latest iPhone!”

“Great,” Enzo said cheerfully. “Do you also know the difference between a text message, a WhatsApp message, iMessage, WhatsApp video call, and FaceTime?”

TK pressed his lips together as he sat down then covered his mouth with his hand for good measure to hold back his laughter.

“Of course I do! Text message is the old SMS, WhatsApp is an app as is iMessage and FaceTime,” David said huffily.

“GREAT!” Enzo winked at TK. “The next time you ask me to FaceTime you, I hope I won’t have to remind you AGAIN that I am an Android loyalist and do not have FaceTime.”

The look on David’s face had TK snickering again.

“Yes, well,” David spluttered, “you should get FaceTime.” At Enzo’s raised eyebrow he sighed, “Get an Apple phone!”

“An Apple phone? Do you mean an iPhone?” Enzo asked as he slid into the chair beside TK.

“Yes, an iPhone!” David pointed a finger at Enzo, “Now you’re just being pedantic.”

Enzo laughed and held up his glass of wine to David and looked at TK who smiled and held up his glass of soda. They gently tapped their glasses together.

“Salute!”

TK took a sip of his drink and looked over the table again. Arugula and cherry tomato salad, fettuccine arrabbiata, ravioli in a brown butter sauce, mushroom risotto, and braised chicken in what he was sure was a tomato and bell pepper sauce.

“You must have cooked all day,” he said softly.

Enzo waved his hand, “We spent the afternoon cooking, and laughing and David let Jonah squish way too many tomatoes. Time well spent in my opinion to welcome my boy home.”

TK smiled and leaned in to kiss Enzo’s cheek. “Thank you.” He stood up and moved around the table to hug David from behind, dropping a kiss on his cheek as well. “Thank you.”

David reached up and patted TK’s cheek. “It’s what family does. Now come sit and let’s eat. I know we’re not to comment on body proportions but you look like you’re wasting away. Clearly, the Texans don’t know how to feed you.”

Enzo shook his head and began filling TK’s plate. “Don’t you worry, I’ll spend the week filling you up with good food.”

TK laughed, “I eat! I’m my perfect weight, just need some more muscle to make up the last of what I lost.”

“Lost with your third coma recovery,” David sighed deeply. He looked at TK, “I know life has no guarantees but you do your best, yes? This old man can’t take a fourth.”

TK pointed at him, “What old man? You’ll take a fourth if there is a fourth.” He raised his hands in imitation of them when both brothers looked incredulously at him, “Not that I won’t try my best for there to not be a fourth!”

They stared at each other then broke out into laughter and began putting food into each other’s plates. Dinner passed in appreciative commentary over the quality and flavor of the food, and gentle conversation.

Day 30

The next morning TK’s eyes opened when a small body was gently set down on top of him. Eager little hands pressed against his face.

“Ta, Ta!”

He smiled and placed one hand securely against his little brother’s back, “Good morning my sweet boy.” From the moment he had seen baby Jonah, he had decided Jonah would be his sweet boy just like he was Owen, Gwyn, and Enzo’s sweet boy. He snickered when Jonah’s little hands pressed harder on his face in his enthusiasm. As much as he teased Judd about it, he did know that tiny hands could be harder and rougher than intended. He grabbed Jonah’s wrist and kissed his little palm. “How are you today?”

Jonah grinned and flung his hand out toward the window, “Sunshine!”

“Oh? Does that mean we can go play in the park?” TK grabbed Jonah, sat up, and lifted his brother up above his head, “Does Jonah want to go run around in the sunshine?”

“Park! Ta, park!” Jonah screeched excitedly.

TK brought him close and hugged him, “Okay, let’s go eat breakfast and then we can go to the park!”

TK got out of bed and held Jonah on his hip as he made his way to the kitchen. He wondered at himself. Was getting out of Austin all he had needed for his spirits to lift back up? He shook his head. That way lay madness. He could not even contemplate running away from his problems again. He always ran. He couldn’t resort back to that cowardly way.

He came out of his thoughts and placed a kiss on Jonah’s head. “Look at all this food, J! What is Papa feeding you?”

Enzo smiled, “Broccoli and cheddar egg cups all around and some bananas for both my boys.”

TK smiled when Jonah leaned out of his embrace toward Enzo who took him into his arms for a cuddle. “Since this little man is well settled, I’ll brush my teeth and be right back.”

“Ta!” Jonah whined as TK started to move away.

TK leaned down and offered Jonah his hands to grab, “I’m going to brush my teeth, okay, J? Did you brush your teeth today?” he spoke slowly while gently shaking Jonah’s hands.

“Bush!” Jonah exclaimed.

“Yes, you did,” TK praised him and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Ta going to brush and come back, okay?”

“Ta bush!”

Enzo laughed and gently tugged Jonah away from TK. “Go ‘cause he’ll happily have you do this with him all day until he’s ready for a nap.”

TK grinned and headed to the bathroom.

—

“So,” TK asked that afternoon when they had settled on the couch after putting Jonah down for a nap, “when are you moving to California?”

Enzo froze, then looked at TK, “Why do you think that?”

“Because Nonna and Nonno moved there and I can’t see you living in a different state than them forget a different coast.”

Enzo sighed heavily, “Gwyn did not want to even discuss leaving. She said New York is home.”

“It wasn’t home when she decided to shack up with dad in Austin,” TK pointed out.

Enzo glanced at TK, “I was keen we look into moving closer to you. Not Texas, cause dear lord, no, but closer so you could come meet us and we could meet you regularly. And of course have you and Jonah be around each other more often.”

TK nodded, “And mom said no.” He reached out and squeezed Enzo’s arm, “You can’t continue to live in the shadow of a dead woman, Zo. As harsh as it sounds, neither of us can afford to do that because it wouldn’t be conducive to living our best lives. Mom was amazing and wonderful but she had a lot of flaws. We can’t now pretend those don’t exist.”

“I know.” Enzo tapped his finger on his thigh, “There is an opportunity for me at Caltech for next year,” he said hesitantly.

“Zo! That’s amazing! Please tell me you plan to do your best to get it?”

Enzo smiled sheepishly, “I was going to turn it down.” He held up his hands, “But I won’t and will email them back to accept the interview.”

TK smiled and squeezed Enzo’s arm.

Enzo rested his hand over TK’s and squeezed gently, “I just didn’t want to move your home.”

TK shook his head, “Home is where you and J are.”

Enzo cupped TK’s cheek, “My sweet boy.”

TK smiled and soaked in the affection. He now couldn’t deny the relief that just getting away from Austin had flooded him with. He felt lighter and like he was breathing easier. As relieved as he was by that he was also mildly alarmed and wondered if his tendency to avoid and run away from the things that bothered him was playing up again. It was something he had to bring up with his therapist soon.

Enzo rested his head back against the couch and looked at TK, “What about you? How are you stepping out of her shadow?”

TK took a deep breath, “I’m re-evaluating my relationship with my father,” he said simply.

“Ty?” Enzo asked worriedly as he sat up.

“Did you know I’m Tyler-Kennedy because they both had a hand in naming me? Grandpa Morgan wanted Kennedy after his army friend who saved his life and Dad wanted Tyler after his brother who passed away in an accident when they were children.”

Enzo’s mouth dropped open. “I did not know that. I don’t know if Gwyn knew that either. I want to say she would not have been on board with naming you after two other people, a person who has passed, but…” he trailed off and shook his head. “How did you find out?”

“I got a private detective and had her look into my life. Look into Dad’s life, and get myself some family history. Dad’s estranged father, Walter, went on to have another child named Robert. That man is married and has two daughters.”

“Does Owen know?”

TK shrugged, “I don’t know. We haven’t talked about it. I found an obituary for Walter Strand so I guess he passed away soon after. But I wanna say yes, he knows. He made a trip out to the area they live in a few months ago. Didn’t mention a word to me about it. That’s how much I matter to him,” he ended brightly.

“Oh, Ty,” Enzo said gently.

TK waved his hand, “It’s okay, Zo, it’s taken a long time but I’ve begun making peace with it. He didn’t tell me he had a cancer scare. Do you know what he told me? That he had known for a while and he wished he knew why the doctors had told me. That’s what my father had to say to me! Hell, he didn’t tell me he was okay and instead told my captain, Tommy. He hasn’t asked me one word about the wedding, he bought himself a motorcycle, and he keeps disappearing from work. He was completely and utterly unavailable to me when Carlos was missing. Didn’t reach out to me to offer support, nothing. Though to be fair, I didn’t reach out to him either cause what’s the point? He heard about Carlos being married, and nothing. It’s like he’s checked out of my life.” He paused his rant and took a deep breath, “I asked myself at what point I could go, enough is enough, and realized I had already gone past that point.” He rubbed his face, “I’m tired of suddenly being very low on his life list.”

“Life list?” Enzo asked curiously.

“My therapist didn’t want to call it a priority list because I’m an adult and Owen Strand does not need to prioritize me. But a life list. I don’t seem to rate high enough to even know where he is or what’s going on with him. But he seems to think he deserves to know what’s going on in my life. It irritates me, to be honest.”

Enzo sighed, “I don’t blame you. I wouldn’t like that either.” He looked at TK, “I dread even asking how he’s been about the whole Carlos situation.”

TK shrugged, “I didn’t know if he even knew about it. He didn’t bring it up with me until yesterday.”

“You’re joking!”

Tk shook his head, “Nope. I haven’t told him about it. So he had to have heard about it at work and found out how the rest of them did. So dad has no idea my fiancé broke my damn heart by confessing that he’s married. That he has been married for the entirety of our relationship and just didn’t bother to tell me. That I didn’t know about it when I was flitting around planning my wedding.”

He rubbed his face, “God, Zo, I hate it. I hate it so much! I nearly had a panic attack in my own home because Iris was rude to me and said she wouldn’t talk to Carlos about whatever new problem she had brewing as long as I was around. She helps herself to my things. She ate grandma Rose’s cookies!” He held up his hands, “I know, I know I’m being stupid to get so upset about this but I had been saving those cookies. Carlos knew I was saving them. They were at the very back of the damn cupboard. My I’ve-had-a-day-and-need-my-comfort cookies! And she just goes through it, finds them, and eats them! She ate half a jar of the last cookies my grandma made for me before fucking Covid took her from me and it’s not goddamn fair.” He angrily wiped his sleeve over his eye.

“Ty, kiddo,” Enzo shifted and tugged TK into a hug. He rubbed TK’s back, “None of what you’ve told me sounds like you’re unreasonably hating on her. Carlos has to know it’s strange for him to be bringing her around so often and leaving her free to help herself to the contents of your shared home.”

“What can I even say, Zo?” TK mumbled against Enzo’s shoulder. “Mention a word and we’re back to Iris has been through so much, Iris is so brave, Iris’ meds make her blunt and rude it’s really not Iris’ fault, Iris is so silly and charming she takes a plate of herbed garlic knots that I spent ages on and dumps it directly into her handbag without a box or anything.”

He thumped his head against Enzo’s shoulder, “And yes I know the garlic knots thing is a stupid thing to add in here but it still counts!” he laughed hysterically.

Enzo laughed and hugged TK to him, “I don’t want to even think what her handbag smelled or looked like after that.” He stroked the back of TK’s hair, “Have you told Carlos any of this?”

“Carlos is buried under his guilt over abandoning Iris when she disappeared. I don’t know what he expected to have done. He saved her sister from being arrested by doing it himself and just letting her go a bunch of times, he was there for her sister. Her awful sister who stalked, abused, and harassed an innocent man! Her sister Michelle is just an all-around horrible human being with a large capacity for ugly inside of her. When Iris was found Michelle and her mother didn’t even let Carlos see Iris, they just got her onto his insurance and sent her off to live on the street. What more could he have done for her?”

“I’m still finding it very difficult to not judge Carlos for not using any of these opportunities to tell you about his marital status.” Enzo patted TK’s back, “I’ll be honest, I do judge Carlos.”

“Confession,” TK whispered, “I judge Carlos too. And blame him.” He slowly pulled out of Enzo’s arms and met his eyes, “I feel like everyone is judging me for being with a married man. For proposing to a married man. My friends at the 126 even commented and asked why I proposed while he was still married.” His eyes filled with tears, “It was humiliating. Carlos has humiliated me, Zo, and doesn’t seem to care about my feelings. It’s now all about Iris, Michelle, and his mom.” He took a shuddery breath, “But I still love him so much.” The tears he had been holding in finally spilled over and would not be contained this time.

—

TK splashed cold water on his face and washed all traces of the tears he had shed away. He returned to the living room and curled up in a corner of the couch.

“You know you can talk to me about anything, I’m always in your corner.”

TK glanced to the left and smiled a small smile at Enzo. “I know.” He sighed and sat back, watching Jonah play with his toys on the floor. “That’s what’s holding me back.” He reached out and squeezed Enzo’s arm, “What if you as a parent enable my need to run away?”

“Is that what you’ve been considering doing?”

TK licked his dry lips, “My first, second, and third instinct was to run away from Carlos’ betrayal,” he said softly. “When Carlos put my name down on the deed of the loft and I got upset, Mom told me in my coma dream that it was a romantic gesture while I felt it was a power move, a violation. When she visited soon after, I asked her because I needed to know.”

“Ty,” Enzo prodded, “What did Gwyn say?”

He rubbed his face and let his hands fall to his lap, “She said it was a romantic gesture and I was overthinking it.”

“Ty,” Enzo sighed heavily.

TK blew out a breath and looked at Enzo, “She wasn’t right, right?”

“She was wrong,” Enzo said firmly. “She was wrong to say that to you. That situation was not one where she should have stated her opinion and then taken it further by undermining what you felt. I don’t know why she was so supportive of you being in Austin and away from us unless she just wanted you to be closer to your dad.”

“What would you have me do?” TK asked softly.

“Leave him,” Enzo said gently. He shifted closer and rubbed TK’s back. “He doesn’t deserve you, son. You deserve better.”

Tears slid down TK’s cheeks again as his heart fought to deny the truth of Enzo’s words.

“Ta, cry.” Small hands held onto TK’s knees for balance then reached up to pat clumsily at TK’s tears.

TK let out a watery laugh and tugged Jonah up into his lap. “I am sad,” he told Jonah.

Jonah wrapped his arms around TK’s neck, “‘Onah, kiss,” and promptly planted an open-mouthed wet kiss on TK’s cheek.

TK hugged Jonah close and laughed, “You little drooler!”

Jonah giggled and shrieked, bouncing on TK’s lap, “Ooler!”

Enzo laughed and ruffled both his son’s hair, “My boys,” he said fondly.

His heart hurt and nothing had been resolved. But TK felt better for being there.

Day 31

TK sat by the window gazing out at the city that was alive and buzzing with activity. Living in a high rise had its perks. He was pleasantly tired after having spent the evening chasing Jonah around the park, pushing him on the swing and catching him as he came down the slide. He smiled, his brother, the little light of his life.

“Talk to me, sweet boy.”

TK looked up at Enzo’s reflection in the window. “About?” he asked stalling.

“There’s something going on that you haven’t told me about.”

TK swallowed hard and rested his head against the window. “Yeah.” Hot tears licked at his eyes. He swallowed hard to chase them away. He was so tired of crying. “I moved out of the apartment,” he whispered.

“Ty,” Enzo sighed and sank down onto the couch next to him. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He rubbed TK’s knee.

TK sighed, “Because it’s another thing I feel I’ve failed at. As much as I’m trying not to, I feel like once again I’ve run away from a tough situation rather than stand and face it.”

“What is it that you think you ran away from?” Enzo asked softly.

TK focused on the hand that was patting his knee in the most soothing fashion. “All I do is run when the going gets tough. I ran when I overdosed here. I ran when Carlos bought us an apartment and now I’ve run when things have gotten tough with Carlos. I run. It’s what I do.”

“TK!” Enzo’s voice sounded stricken. “Is this how you’re thinking about yourself? That you’re somehow in the wrong because your fiancé, the man you had been dating for over three years, the man you were sharing a home with, hid a wife from you?”

“Of course, you’ll say that, you’ll take my side. You’re my Zo,” TK muttered as he angrily swiped his tears away. He was really just so tired of crying!

“Anyone with half a lick of sense will take your side,” Enzo said firmly.

“Yeah well then Carlos’ mother stands at the top of the list of people with no sense,” TK burst out then winced.

“Andrea is supporting Carlos’ betrayal?” Enzo asked softly.

TK shivered, that was Enzo’s disappointed tone. He knew it wasn’t aimed at him but it made him sit up straight all the same. He finally met Enzo’s eyes, “She told me that Carlos and I should go ahead and have a blessing at the venue we had picked and sort out the legalities once Carlos’ divorce came through.”

Enzo’s lips pressed together in anger. “Tyler-Kennedy Morgan-Strand, don’t you dare pick faults at yourself when the people around you in Austin have lost their damn minds!” He ran his hand through his hair, “Dear Lord, son, why haven’t you told me any of this? You’ve only given me the bare bones of the situation and only mentioned Iris’ behavior. What all have you been bearing alone?”

TK had nothing but silence to offer.

—

A couple of hours later TK sat pushing his food around the plate. David had returned from visiting friends with Thai takeaway but TK’s appetite had deserted him. His mind flashed back to another Thai meal that had gone uneaten when Carlos had left him to run to Iris’ side. He wondered what had become of that. Had Carlos discovered it in the fridge in time and enjoyed it? Had he realized TK had not eaten any of it? Did he even care?

“Have you two had a fight?”

TK looked up at that and stared at David. “No?”

David raised his eyebrows, “You don’t sound too sure of that, kiddo.” He looked between Enzo and TK, “When I left you two this morning everything was good. Now there’s tension.”

TK glanced at Enzo who looked distressed. He took a shaky breath and set his fork down. He had done that. He had upset Zo.

“TK, before you beat yourself up, I am not upset with you, I am upset for you,” Enzo said softly.

Hot tears slid down TK’s face as he lost control of his emotions again. Each time it had been driven home to him that Carlos had parents who were there for him, defending his actions. And each time he had felt so alone. To hear his Zo was upset for him went a long way toward soothing his raw wounds.

“Ah, Ty.” A chair scraped back before warm arms wrapped around him. Lips pressed against his hair, “Talk to me, son.”

A second set of arms wrapped around him, “I’d like to be talked to as well. Who hurt my favorite boy?”

TK hiccuped a laugh as his hands found David and Enzo’s arms, “You’re not supposed to play favorites, Uncle David.”

“And yet I always have and will continue to do so,” David said unrepentantly.

“TK, sweetheart, I think it’s time you tell us everything,” Enzo urged.

“You’re not objective,” TK whispered.

There was a moment of silence, then, “Why do I need to be?”

TK blew out a breath as Enzo and David pulled back and focused on him. He roughly wiped his tears away, “Because you think I make the stars shine and if I told you I wanted to run away you would support me.”

Enzo frowned, “I’m your Zo. Who else am I meant to support if not my children?”

TK let out a startled laugh at Enzo’s honesty, “You’re not supposed to support me if I’m wrong.”

“What am I meant to do then?”

TK frowned, “I don’t know, hold me accountable? Tell me to stick it out? That I made a commitment and can’t torpedo my life and career over one mistake?”

“But you didn’t make a mistake,” Enzo said confidently. “This situation you’re in? You’ve not made any mistakes here. All you did was trust the one you love.”

When TK said nothing, David finally spoke up, “Would either of you care to fill me in?”

“David!” Enzo exclaimed.

TK reared back in surprise at that, his eyes looking between them.

“You feel I’m not objective? We know David can be. He’s held you accountable before,” Enzo said. “Tell David and let him help you through this.”

“Tell the uncle who just claimed that I am his favorite to be objective?” TK asked skeptically.

“Come now, bambino, you are my favorite but I have never not held you accountable for your faults,” David said gently. “What has gone on to upset you so?”

TK pushed his plate away and squeezed his wrist. Was he really ready to tell David of all people about the mess his life had become? David who was so like his mom in holding him accountable. But David who also spoiled and indulged him like no other. His thoughts went back to Gabriel and Andrea supporting Carlos now no matter what, after they spent a decade spent ignoring a part of his life. Then at his own family who no matter how hard he had fucked up, how low he had fallen, had always come around to pick him up and lend a helping hand. Why was he now pushing them away? Just to protect Carlos in their eyes? Enzo already knew. Nothing he said now or in the future, nothing Carlos did, would erase the pain he had caused TK in Enzo’s eyes. Did he want to give David that ammunition too?

“David doesn’t know any of it,” Enzo suddenly said. He met TK’s eyes, “Any of it. All he knows is that you got engaged to your boyfriend.” He leaned in, “Why don’t you tell David everything? Everything about your life there and let him help you make a decision since you think I’m biased.” Enzo sat back and crossed his arms over his chest.

And TK gave in.

—

TK splashed cold water on his face, something he felt he had been doing often to soothe his splotchy face, then stood staring at himself in the mirror. How often had he done this in the past thirty days? Weeks? Months? He had cried a lot over his mom’s death. Over his sobriety being stolen from him. Stared at himself after a crying session, hoping the cold water would do the trick and wash away any signs of his upset. Too often was the correct answer.

The urge to back out of the conversation to be had was strong. He didn’t want his dream to end. The part of him that clung to his non-confrontational attitude, that found solace in it, wasn’t ready for the reality check he knew David would give him. The reality check he was shying away from giving himself. Was he ready? He knew if he told Enzo and David he wasn’t ready, they would accept that answer.

He clenched his hands into fists, his nails biting into his palms, and stared at himself in the mirror. Only instead of seeing his reflection, a picture flashed in his mind’s eye. A family picture of Carlos and Andrea celebrating a birthday. But it wasn’t his. They were celebrating Iris. He clenched his jaw. He didn’t want to do this, but he had to. He turned and strode out before his courage deserted him. He took a deep, steadying breath as he made his way to the living room. He could do this. He would do this. He had to do this!

Enzo and David had relocated to the living room. The moment Enzo saw him he closed the distance between them and pulled TK into a hug.

“Ty.”

“Zo.” TK sighed as he was held in those warm, loving arms. It didn’t matter if Enzo was upset with him for the secrets he had been keeping. His Zo was here for him. He smiled as he was passed into another set of arms. David was here for him. “Thank you,” he whispered.

“It’s what we do for the ones we love.” David pressed a kiss to TK’s hair as he patted his back. “Come sit.”

Enzo pressed a soft kiss on TK’s head, “I’m going to check on Jonah and be back.”

TK nodded, claimed a corner of the couch, and curled up on it, hugging his knees to his chest. He was so tired. And he knew the conversation was going to worsen how he felt. But he hoped going over it again and getting David’s perspective would help. A dozen ways to begin the conversation came to him but he couldn’t decide which to go with.

“I don’t know where to start,” he finally confessed.

“As they say, let us start at the beginning,” David said gently. “What is this about?”

TK rubbed his finger along the seam of his sweatpants and wondered if diving into it by telling David Carlos was married was the way. Would it skew the rest of the conversation? And wouldn’t that be the right way? Shouldn’t it skew the conversation? It was a betrayal of the utmost degree.

He chewed on his bottom lip as he decided where to start. When he looked at David, all he saw was patience and love on his face. He was in safe hands. He nodded, “Something has come to light recently and it’s made me question the entirety of my relationship with Carlos.”

“Ah,” David nodded, “Enzo has stopped discussing the wedding entirely. It made me wonder as to what had happened.”

TK watched David closely, “Has Zo told you anything?”

David shook his head, “He has kept your privacy, TK. But I know my brother when he is worried and he has been worried for weeks.”

TK rubbed his sweaty palms on his thighs, “I called off my engagement,” he admitted softly.

“Ty,” David said gently, “sweetheart, what happened?”

“I don’t know from where to begin with that either,” TK said honestly.

“I’ll say again, some things, kiddo, are best begun from the very beginning.”

TK rubbed his hands down his face and hunched in on himself as he got comfortable. “Just moving there was a pretty dumb thing to do. Mom hated it, Zo hated it, none of the family or my friends were a fan of the idea of me leaving my entire network of friends and family to move with Dad.”

“We accepted you did so because you thought you needed to do so in order to save your job,” David said diplomatically.

TK smiled reluctantly, “You’re being very kind.”

“Enzo warned me I better be gentle with his boy or else,” David admitted.

TK felt warmth infuse him at the thought of just how freely Enzo loved and accepted him.

David squeezed TK’s knee, “Just talk to me, kiddo. Let’s start with Owen. What’s happened there?”

TK wet his dry lips, “It began with moving there. I should have manned up and taken the hit on the job rather than move there. I should never have been working for Dad to begin with. I should have refused when the exception was made to let me work at the 252 with him in New York. To work for him.”

At David’s encouraging nod, he went on, “In Austin, he held team bonding evenings in bars. I found being there stressful but didn’t want to admit it. Dad often came home drunk after insisting I live with him. I don’t know if it even struck him that that was such a difficult situation for me.” He shook his head, “But this is not about Dad. Not really. He’s entirely let me down and I’ve made,” he licked his lips and shook his head, “I’m working on making peace with it. He’s no longer a factor in my life in Austin.” He met David’s eyes, “This is about my relationship with Carlos and how it ties into my life there.”

David nodded encouragingly.

“I met Carlos at work, on a call we were both working. And at a bar.” TK fidgeted, “We, I, um,” he winced, “I began hooking up with him.”

David raised his eyebrows, “Like that, was it?”

TK nodded, “Sex helped dull the urge to use again. It dulled the loneliness of being here with a father who was more interested in going out partying than being there for me. Which, you don’t have to tell me, is his right. We’re both adults.”

David sat back, “And yet, I’m not going to tell you that. In my opinion, being a parent doesn’t just stop when your child turns eighteen. But go on. You and Carlos began as a hook-up.”

TK slowly nodded, “The thing about how things got started with Carlos is,” he paused and sighed heavily, “I thought it was clear that we were only hooking up. I wasn’t mentally or emotionally in the right space to go further.” He glanced at Enzo as he joined them.

“Do you think he didn’t read your cues at all, misread them, or ignored them?”

TK reared back, startled by David’s blunt words, “I-I,” he stammered and trailed off. “I want to say he misread them.”

David nodded, “Okay.”

“But I think, looking back, that I’ve ignored some worrying signs since then,” TK admitted and glanced at Enzo. “But I’m not sure if it’s a big deal. Or if I’m not just trying to justify my choice to have broken our engagement.” He looked at David and whispered, “And maybe break this entire relationship.”

David nodded, “Lay it on me, kiddo. Walk me through your relationship,” he coaxed.

TK took a steadying breath, there was now no turning back from his decision to see if he was in a healthy relationship or if he had made a mistake.

“When,” he looked at Enzo apologetically, “when I was shot and in a coma in the hospital, Carlos spent some time with me there. He visited often. Dad, my team, they all knew that there was something there.” He rubbed his face, “All we were doing at the time was hooking up. I’d walked out on this really nice dinner he had cooked us. I’d gotten into a fight and he had ended up being the officer to release me at the precinct.” He rested his head against the couch, his eyes on his knees, “But finding out that he had cared to the extent that he bravely walked past all my colleagues to visit me? That he showed up every day,” he shrugged, “it was just so sweet and something no one I had ever dated had done for me. I still find the thought of him sitting by my bedside, his concern for me, to be very sweet.”

He hugged his knees, “We worked together when there was a solar storm while off duty. Being on that scene, it cemented something in me and I decided I still wanted to be a first responder. And that I wanted to do it in Austin. I wanted to be close to this sweet guy and see what it could lead to. We committed to each other and started dating the same day.” He paused and wet his lips. He wondered why that hadn’t been the perfect time for Carlos to inform him that he was married in name only to a woman. At that point in time, TK felt he would have accepted Carlos’ marital status.

“After we had been happily dating for a few months, we were out together at a farmer’s market and bumped into his parents. He introduced me as a friend. At the time I thought, okay, he isn’t out to them. It would’ve been nice of him to have clued me into it before I rolled with it. Turns out, he was out to them and turned it into a thing where he said they ignored that part of him and I wouldn’t understand cause I was raised in Manhattan with parents who couldn’t tear the closet door off fast enough for me and he didn’t want to rub his parent’s noses in the fact that he was still gay and had someone who loved him.”

TK paused and bit his lip, “I feel so disloyal talking about him this way.”

“I know, Ty. But you’re being objective and giving me the facts,” David said supportively.

TK squeezed his eyes shut, “It felt like he was skirting the issue by turning it around on me. My parents supporting me had nothing to do with him not telling me that his don’t talk about a part of who he is. But that supposedly they are good parents.” TK hesitated and then plowed on, “He specifically said he came out to them when he was seventeen, they told him they loved him and haven’t mentioned that part of him at all. When he had that conversation, I was so insecure about my place in his life. But the fact that he told me they didn’t discuss his sexuality, his romantic life at all after that? Those to me aren’t good parents.” He rubbed his arm, and that point would have been another perfect moment for Carlos to tell him that his parent’s neglect had led to him running off and marrying his at-the-time female best friend.

David peered at TK, “Tell me the next thing that bothered you.”

“His parents,” TK said reluctantly. “It bothered me that he was so worked up and nervous for them to come over for dinner. The same parents who in ten years had not bothered to ask him if he’d ever dated. Which is still a him thing. But he made it into an us thing by making it feel like I needed to be at my best too and for what? To entertain two people who may be homophobic and neglectful parents? I sucked it up for Carlos’ sake but I found the entire experience just sad and off-putting that he wanted me to make nice with people who had ignored him for a decade. That he wanted to make nice with them without a discussion about their appalling behavior. It was all just brushed away as a misunderstanding.” He rolled his eyes, “And the icing on that cake was Owen sauntering in two hours late for dinner cause playing amateur detective was more important than honoring his commitment to dinner and not embarrassing his son in front of his boyfriend’s potentially homophobic parents.”

He sighed heavily, “His parents,” he shook his head, “it’s like the moment they said they knew about our relationship and were participating in all aspects of his life again, it was like a switch flipped in him. And suddenly their opinions mattered again. A lot.”

“And then your home was burned down after you were targeted by an arsonist,” David said.

TK winced. His little fib to the family had come back to bite him in the ass and not in a pleasurable way. He wet his dry lips. “Um, about that,” he glanced at Enzo who had sat forward and back at David.

David sighed heavily and adopted a monotone voice, “I would have promised not to share what you’re about to share with my brother, but as he’s sitting right here…” he trailed off.

The situation was not funny but TK smiled all the same. It was a promise David had made often while TK was growing up. The adults kept the secrets the kids told them from their parents as long as they weren’t indulging in something dangerous that could bring harm to them.

TK looked at Enzo, “I’m sorry I kept this from you.”

Enzo shook his head, “You’re forgiven.”

“Just like that?” TK asked softly, his eyes filling with tears again.

“Just like that, Ty,” Enzo whispered.

TK pressed his lips together and blinked his tears away, wiping his cheeks when a few escaped.

“The arsonist was targeting Dad and probably Gabriel.” He sighed heavily, “But what you also need to know happened prior to that night. Dad was arrested in what I later found out was a plan between Gabriel and Owen by Carlos’ dad and Carlos thought the reasonable thing to do was to come to my place of work while I was on duty and tell me about it. Himself. While both of us were in uniform.” He nodded at David’s wince and lifted a trembling hand to his mouth. “I’m not proud of it and still hate myself for my reaction. I raised my hands in anger at my boyfriend and shoved him. While we were both in uniform. Not that it would have been acceptable if we weren’t in uniform. But I’m lucky it didn’t get me arrested.”

“How did that play out?” David asked gently.

“We spent a day apart. I hauled ass into an emergency session with my therapist in New York. Judd Ryder, my acting captain, now close friend, gave me a severe talking to. But he was also the one who pointed out what the hell Carlos thought he was doing by being the one to deliver the news to me. At work.” TK grabbed his bottle of water from the table and took a big sip of water. “We sort of just looked past it and moved on.”

“Oh dear lord,” David muttered.

“Yes, yes, I know,” TK rubbed his face. “We didn’t talk about it. And that night a man hell-bent on teaching our fathers a lesson burnt down our house.” He made a face, “You’re going to love this. He told Dad that he took away the most important thing in the world from him so he was going to repay the favor and Dad’s first instinct was to go phone the firehouse as his most important thing.”

David’s mouth dropped open. He snapped it shut and took five slow deep breaths while TK looked on patiently. “I want you to know you are loved and precious to us, the Rossi’s, Tyler Kennedy Morgan-Strand.”

Tears filled TK’s eyes as he smiled, “I do know that. I haven’t doubted it in a long time.” He wiped his tears away.

David patted TK’s knee and sat back. “Okay, tell me more about Carlos. How did you two deal with the aftermath? What led to deciding to buy your apartment? We were surprised when Gwyn told us that. I had assumed you would let me help you with a down payment.”

TK tapped his finger on his thigh. “We definitely trauma bonded over it and clung harder to each other. Our relationship felt stronger than ever. We verbally expressed our love for each other. A part of me felt settled.” He paused and took a sip of his water. “We’d been looking around to get a space of our own; I was desperate to get out of living with Dad and loved an apartment we’d found in the downtown area. Well the owner decided they didn’t want to rent, they wanted to sell. Which Carlos could afford but I couldn’t. You know my credit rating took a hit when I was sick winter of 2018. I figured if he wanted to buy it, I could just pay him rent. But Carlos just wasn’t listening to me and bought us the apartment and put our names on it without discussing it with me.”

TK huffed and rubbed his hands on his arms to self-soothe. “And the few people I spoke to found it unreasonable that I broke up with him over it. Even mom! Uncle David, to me it was a total power move and he should have listened to me about my financial situation. I didn’t consent to it. It baffled me that other than Zo who was properly horrified for me, everyone else in my life thought me unreasonable and blamed me for breaking up with this sweet guy! Even if they didn’t all know the reason behind it, they shouldn’t have just been holding it against me. Sometimes relationships don’t work out, and they should have accepted it.”

He took a few sips of water to calm down. “I’d been working hard to pay off my loans and fix my credit and here I was being saddled with this gorgeous apartment as a gift! A legally binding gift!”

David peered at him, “Would you have been okay with it as a gift if he had discussed it with you?”

TK sighed, “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I would have probably insisted on a payment plan and I would have discussed it with a professional to see if it made sense for me financially.”

David nodded, “I could see you wanting to talk it out with Enzo and Roberto.”

TK nodded. Roberto was Enzo and David’s cousin and acted as a financial advisor for the whole family.

“We broke up.” TK shook his head, “No, I broke up with him.” He took a shaky breath, “And most of our friends and my coworkers showed me that when it’s him versus me, they chose him by constantly inviting him places. I wasn’t given any room to be social with them without him. Didn’t even matter if we classified it as a team meet-up, Carlos was invited cause some of them didn’t want to pick sides.”

“Your friends not picking sides I still understand though they could have alternated between inviting you both places, but your co-workers picking an ex-boyfriend over you had to have been frustrating if not downright hurtful,” David said.

“It was. Still is hurtful. Couldn’t our friend’s alternate invites instead of expecting me to just deal with being around him? But my co-workers? Where’s our brotherhood if they couldn’t be there for me and deliberately showed me that I don’t mean much to them. It wasn’t all of them but the most vocal got away with getting Carlos invited to join us,” TK sagged back against the couch.

“Ty, did your friends know why you broke up with him?” David asked after a long moment of silence.

“No,” TK said softly. “I didn’t feel the need to broadcast the reason and honestly? No one but Judd and Paul asked. I felt like I should have been treated decently by my co-workers regardless of why we broke up.”

David sighed, “I’m sorry, kiddo.”

TK blew out a breath, “It’s like Nonno says, when people show you who they are, believe them. But I had a hard time following that and just kept wanting to gloss over it.”

“You moved past it and moved in with him.”

TK nodded, “We stuck to our norm where conflict was concerned and just moved past it without discussion. The snowstorm nearly killed me and to Carlos’ complete credit, he didn’t leave my side at all. Then he was with me every step of the way through my recovery.”

“Meanwhile my father was nowhere to be found when I was in the coma and then made my near death all about him.” He met David’s eyes. “The doctors told him my body was trying to shut down because my heart stopped.” TK sighed heavily, “And Owen Strand took that to mean that him quitting his job and running away to lick his wounds in private had such a profound effect on me that I lay dying because of it. He took it as him being asked to face the consequences of his actions. Because he thought it was up to him to always fight everything alone. And so everything was his fault. The universe was punishing him for running away by doing its best to kill me.”

David winced, “I’d promised Enzo all those years ago that I wouldn’t profile your father.”

TK nodded, “I know. Can you do me a favor and not refer to him as my father with Enzo in the same sentence?” He could see he’d surprised David and Enzo with that. “It’s always left a bitter taste in my mouth that I don’t get to call Enzo Papa because mom didn’t want to get married again. And when I was young, Dad didn’t like the idea of me acknowledging Zo as a parent even with all that he did for me.”

Enzo was clearly surprised, “TK.”

David shook his head at Enzo and looked at TK. “He’s your Zo, kiddo. We all know what you mean by that,” David said gently.

TK smiled shyly and looked at Enzo, “My Zo.”

“My sweet boy,” Enzo said lovingly.

“Enzo is your stepfather, TK. Gwyneth and Owen can no longer deny you that. If you want to call him Papa, you should,” David said simply.

TK sniffed, glanced at Enzo, and nodded.

“Why did you move in with Carlos?”

TK licked his lips, “I didn’t. My non-confrontationalism came back to bite me.” He took a sip of water, “I was in the hospital for a bit and Carlos was by my side the entire time. I felt so loved, so in love with this nice, sweet guy.” He winced, “Judd was busy with his new baby, Paul was recovering himself, so there was no one truly in my corner telling me to slow down. And uh, I didn’t move in. Not exactly. Carlos moved me in.”

He glanced at Enzo and winced at the look on his face. David was sporting a similar look. He rubbed his arms self-consciously. “Carlos brought me over to the apartment when I was released from the hospital. He covered my eyes and walked me in. I noticed that he had finished the renovations and then I noticed my things had been moved out of Dad’s and were settled around here. My exercise bike, my new throw blanket that Nonna made me, all casually meshed with his things. When I jokingly asked if he’d broken in and taken my things, he said Dad’s housemate, Mateo, who is also my co-worker, let him in. Which means Dad knew about it too. I didn’t want to make waves so I just,” he shrugged, “went along with it.”

“Oh, Ty,” David sighed while Enzo pinched the bridge of his nose.

“We were happy!” TK said quickly. “We were happy. Well, other than his mom telling me she didn’t appreciate me hurting her baby.”

He nodded at David’s incredulous expression. “Yup,” he said with fake cheer. “Only she was allowed to ignore a big part of her son’s life and hurt him for years. God forbid I be honest when something upset me in my relationship and voice my feelings which hurt her baby boy, then I get lectured by my boyfriend’s mommy.” He frowned, “What?” he asked suspiciously at the fond smile on David’s face.

“I’ve always loved the sass on you, kid.”

TK smiled, “Well you had something to do with that, Uncle David.”

David laughed, “My sweet kiddo.”

Enzo rolled his eyes at them. “The things you teach my boy, David.”

David smiled sweetly, “Perks of being a good uncle.”

As the only childless sibling, David doted on his siblings and cousins’ children and had been especially close to his youngest brother Enzo’s son.

After a comfortable moment of silence, David nodded. “Tell me more.”

TK blew out a breath, “We responded to a house fire where we discovered the homeowner’s daughter was missing. Carlos got consumed by the case and ended up working with the detective to solve it.” TK smiled sweetly, “It was amazing to see that side of him. We were discovering new facets of each other and encouraging more to emerge. It felt so good to be there for him, take care of him as he gave the case his all.”

“Was he pleased to have your support?” David asked.

TK nodded, “He was. He walked me through the case. It felt like I was with him every step of the way.” He paused and took a big sip of his water, “It was good. We were good. We were happy. And thriving in our life together.” He began chewing on his bottom lip. “Then,” he shook his head.

Enzo broke the silence and said what TK couldn’t bring himself to say, “Then Gwyn passed away,” he said softly. “And you nearly died. Again.”

David leaned forward, “I’d met her just before. Did you know that? We were both in DC and met for dinner. She boasted about you, her sweet boy, as usual. We ate too much dim sum, drank too much wine and caught up on life,” he said fondly.

TK smiled sadly, “I did know. She posted the photo to Instagram. She always loved spending time with you.”

“And I her. She was a special lady and she made my brother very happy.”

TK glanced at Enzo and only saw love and acceptance on his face. He marveled at the depths of his love for Gwyn when she had broken up with him, gone back to Owen, and then come back to Enzo only because she was pregnant with his baby. It made him wonder again if he wasn’t giving Carlos enough of a chance and was giving up on Carlos too easily.

“There were children involved in our relationship,” Enzo said softly as if he knew what TK was thinking of. He met TK’s eyes, “I would have let her go if it was just you involved, Ty. You’re an adult. I knew our relationship wouldn’t change. But I had to work with her for Jonah’s sake.”

TK sniffed and nodded.

“What happened after?” David asked gently.

“I wanted to use. So bad,” TK whispered. He pressed his fingers to his eyelids and gave himself a moment. “Nothing felt right. Almost nothing. Carlos was right. He was there. He was so supportive, so loving, so perfect at anticipating my needs, at holding me through my grief.” He swiped away his tears, “And his parents were there for me. Andrea held me as I cried. She-she filled our freezer with food. She was there, Gabriel was there. Judd and Grace were there. Paul and Marjan were there. I was sheltered by that version of family I had found for myself.”

He grabbed the bottle of water and took a sip, “My captain, Tommy, invited me to a grief support group. And it was nice. It helped me to go there. Time slowly moved on.” He laughed, “And mom left dad her pet macaw, Ginsburg in her will. Watching that was just comedy gold I didn’t know I had needed.”

David and Enzo laughed in agreement.

“My friend Paul had heart surgery around that time. I turned my attention towards him and his care. It felt good to focus on someone else’s needs, to extend support and love, and be there for him. It helped me to begin moving on with life.”

TK clenched his fingers in his arm. “Then Dad’s latest girlfriend had a threat against her at work.” He dug his nails into his arm, “Long story short, dad brought a stranger, Sadie, he wanted to protect, into my home, dropped a bag of Oxy on the table in my home, and left with his girlfriend to go on a stake out date.” He thumped his head against the couch, “She dosed me and Carlos. In our own home. I was made to feel unsafe in my home. Again. A victim in my own home AGAIN! And stole my sobriety from me, all for Owen Strand’s attention.”

Tears flowed down his face, “I didn’t allow my mother’s death to be a reason to give in to the urge. It had taken all I had to not find a drug I could lose myself in. For a long time after nothing mattered other than doing my job, and focusing on maintaining my sobriety that Mom had helped me gain. It was the only way I could honor her. By living a clean, healthy, happy, and fulfilled life. And it was stolen from me because Owen Strand needed to play knight in shining armor to a fucking stranger in a dangerous situation where the knight just gets all the credit when all he’s doing is dumping the damsel on others.”

He was startled when hands caught his wrists. “Let go, TK.”

He looked down at his hand and saw the way he had dug his nails hard enough into his skin and scratched himself. He watched in fascination as one of them was deep enough to shine with blood.

“TK! Let go,” Enzo said firmly.

He winced and let go. A firm hand caught his chin and forced him to meet Enzo’s gaze. “Tell me you’ve not been hurting yourself.”

“Zo, what?” TK asked in confusion.

“Your arm, digging your nails into your arms or legs. Tell me you’ve not been going through this again.”

TK’s eyes widened and he quickly shook his head. “No,” he whispered, “I haven’t. I swear, Zo, I haven’t.” As a pre-teen, while Gwyn and Owen were going through their divorce, TK had fallen into the habit of managing the stress of the situation by digging his nails into his skin when he’d been unable to express to his parents how much their fighting and sniping at each other was taking a toll on him.

“Do you need to take a break, kiddo?” David asked kindly. “We can talk tomorrow.”

TK looked into Enzo’s eyes and shook his head. “No. I want to decide one way or another tonight.” When Enzo slid his hand up to cup his cheek he leaned his face into Enzo’s hand.

Enzo pressed a soft kiss to TK’s forehead. “I’m going to get you a glass of ginger ale, okay?”

TK nodded. He loved ginger ale. Enzo had always given it to him when he was upset.

When Enzo returned and held out a glass to him, he accepted it and took a few sips of the fizzy drink, allowing the familiar taste to soothe him a little.

“I-I finally found a sponsor in Austin. Cooper. He understands me, he is always there for me whenever I reach out.” He smiled a little smile, “Carlos was jealous of all the time I spent with him. But he understood. And supported me. As hard as that time was, he was perfect. He was everything.”

“I’d even go as far as to say Carlos had a hard time saying no to me. I brought him a lizard. Carlos wasn’t for it but he let me have it just because I wanted it. He said he wouldn’t be part of its care and feeding and that was all on me. But then he did it anyway because it felt like he’d do anything for me. I’ve-I had never felt so loved. So cared for. So indulged. By a boyfriend. It was amazing.”

He took a sip of his drink, “In hindsight, it now highlighted our lack of communication. Whatever the other wanted, we just gave into it to avoid conflict if it made the other happy. And we enjoyed indulging the other even if it wasn’t something we wanted to probably an unhealthy degree.”

“Carlos and I began talking about wills. It got me thinking. Around the same time, we worked on a building collapse and Dad got a call from his oncologist that he didn’t bother sharing with me. Which is fine, he doesn’t have to share his medical information with me. But I’m his son, I thought he’d want to tell me. He’d want my support. But apparently not.” He wet his lips, “My friend Judd was injured on that call. I spent some time focused on him instead since Owen didn’t care one way or the other.”

“I proposed to Carlos. I realize now that my constant need for security made me rush into it. It’s like once I’d accepted that dad was no longer someone I could rely on, I decided to lean heavier and go all in on Carlos rather than reach out to Zo.”

“And we were so happy. We began looking for wedding venues.” TK met Enzo’s eyes who gave him an encouraging nod. “We found a venue I really really liked. But there was an eighteen-month waitlist. ” He wrapped his hands around his legs, “Then Carlos told me there had been a cancellation and we could get married in eight weeks.” He looked at David, “And there was just the small matter to take care of that,” he hesitated then forced himself to carry on, “that Carlos was legally married to a woman and would need a divorce first.”

Because he had been looking for it, he saw the shock on David’s face. “I have to say, kiddo, that that is the last thing I expected you to say.”

“It gets worse,” he said softly. “When Carlos got the call he was with his mother. Who knew he was married. He came to the firehouse to tell me the venue’s availability and his marital status.”

“What was he thinking?” David asked incredulously.

“I don’t think he was thinking. I don’t think he has spent one moment thinking since he tossed this news at me. I don’t even understand it.”

“It gets worse,” Enzo said.

David glanced between them, “I’m afraid to ask.”

TK ran his hand through his hair and gave David a concise rundown regarding Iris, how she had been missing for years, Michelle and her behavior, Carlos’ silent support of her behavior, finding Iris, and then the things that had taken place over the past month.

He took a big gulp of his drink after he was done. “So now you know why my life is an utter mess.”

“Yes,” David said slowly. “But it is not a mess of your making.”

“Do you need to know why he married her?” Enzo asked.

David shook his head, “No. It hardly matters here.”

“It doesn’t?” TK asked uncertainly. “Because the way Carlos talks, it makes me think that it does.”

“Carlos’ reasoning for getting married is in his past. What I want to know is if he has apologized for keeping this from you. And do you accept his reasoning for keeping it from you?” David asked.

TK shook his head, “He’s kinda been brushing it aside. Keeps emphasizing that it’s a marriage in name only. Which I don’t understand and have pointed out several times that in name only is a legal marriage.” He heaved a sigh, “His mother got all up on me about hurting her baby again by calling off the engagement. Said we ought to go ahead and have a blessing at the venue and handle the legalities of Carlos’ divorce and our marriage later.”

David looked away and rubbed a finger along his eyebrow during a long moment of silence before he finally focused on TK again. “Ask me, Ty,” he said softly.

TK took a shaky breath, “Is my decision to consider ending this relationship a valid one or am I allowing my hurt feelings or my ego to rule me in this?”

David pressed his lips together and nodded. “Your decision to end this relationship is absolutely valid and a justified choice. Your relationship has been based upon a lie. You never knew that part of Carlos and you had every right to know you were with a married man. Trust has been broken and the fact that Carlos is just brushing your concerns aside and doesn’t see why you feel betrayed is a concern for me. If you feel it will help you, you can look back on your relationship and list all pivotal moments in your relationship when he should have told you about his marital status but chose to continue hiding it from you instead. Because that is what it was. He made a choice at several points throughout your relationship to keep his marital status from you.”

TK sagged back against the couch as if the strings holding him up had been cut off. He was appreciative that they let silence rein as he accepted and adjusted to David’s opinion. He made a note to make the list David had mentioned and see if it helped to have it more plainly laid out.

David must have seen he was ready for more when he spoke up, “Do you have a supportive environment there?”

TK blinked, “What do you mean?”

David entwined his fingers and rested his hands on his thigh, “From what you’ve said, your colleagues, at least some of them have openly supported Carlos when you broke up the last time. If you break up now, do you have enough support there?”

“I,” TK trailed off as he thought about it again. “I honestly don’t know.”

Enzo leaned forward, “Ty,” he hesitated and trailed off.

TK frowned, “Just tell me.”

“Ty, why don’t you leave? Come home to us. That will give you a clean break, you get to leave the drama and conflicts behind and you’ll be with family.” Enzo sighed, “I appreciate the support you have in Paul, in the Ryders, but is that all that’ll keep you there if Carlos is not in your life anymore? Marjan is your friend but isn’t she as if not more friendly with Owen? If she had to choose between Owen and you, would she pick you? Will you be able to handle Carlos being invited to group events and you having to deal with it over and over again?”

TK was horrified at the idea and shook his head. He wouldn’t be able to stand it.

“What’s stopping you from leaving?” David asked.

“A part of me isn’t ready to give up on Carlos. I love him. He’s stood by me. I’m not ready to abandon him.” TK ran a hand through his hair, “He’s guilt-ridden. He feels he abandoned Iris. And now I feel he’s overcompensating. I’m not ready to give up on him.”

“How many more chances are you going to give him?” Enzo asked softly.

“At least one more,” TK whispered. He knew he shouldn’t expect support for his decisions that were not just causing him pain but were upsetting his loved ones as well. But when he finally found the courage to meet their eyes, all he found was support reflected back at him. And love in the strong arms that wrapped around him.

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