Reading Time: 94 Minutes

Title: Ain’t got no tears left to cry
Author: BytheBry
Fandom: 9-1-1: Lone Star
Genre: Angst, Contemporary, Episode Related, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort
Relationship(s): TK Strand/Carlos Reyes
Content Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Self Harm, Mentions-Addiction, Canon-Adultery, Canon-Kidnapping, Canon-Drugging, Permanent Breakup.
Author Note: Please note – I consider a singular POV to be an unreliable narrator. In this story, TK is an unreliable narrator. He is caught in his own life and worries. Is he seeing what truly is or are his emotions and circumstances ruling him. Or both? I leave that up to you, the reader.
Alpha: HarleyJQuin
Word Count: 88,789
Summary: How did it all change in the blink of an eye? They had been so happy. He thought he had conquered his inner demons. His life had been peaceful. He had pushed the red flags away. How did it all change?
Artist: CoCo

Day 14

After another night when he woke up feeling more tired than when he had gone to bed, TK grabbed his phone and sat down as Paul insisted he drink a smoothie with him.

“Anything?”

TK glanced at Paul and shook his head, “Nothing. No messages from Carlos.” He chewed on his lower lip, “Something doesn’t feel right.”

Paul poured TK a glass and slid it across the counter toward him, “Does it? He gave you the silent treatment for over twenty-four hours. It’s only been eleven hours.”

TK winced. He knew Paul wasn’t trying to make light of the situation and that he was right but it still stung.

“Why don’t you just call him?”

TK sighed heavily, “And say what? I texted him the past two days and he just ignored me. I can’t keep doing this to myself.”

—

Hours later TK sat in the locker room frowning down at his phone.

“What’s Reyes done now?” Judd asked in a low voice.

“Nothing,” TK muttered.

“So, something,” Judd countered.

“He hasn’t texted me since last night. We always call or text each other to say goodnight,” TK said softly.

Judd folded his arms across his chest, “Did he stick to it when he was ignoring you?”

TK resisted the urge to pout, “No.”

Judd nodded firmly, “You wanna come home with me and play with Charlotte?”

TK forced a smile on his face, “Not today. I don’t want to expose my sweet pea to this mood.”

“You gonna go home and sulk?”

TK stuck his tongue out at Judd, “I’m going to go to the gym, then go home and sulk.”

“That’s acceptable enough.” Judd waved his hand in a magnanimous fashion, “Carry on, kid.”

TK rolled his eyes and nudged Judd gently as he grabbed his bag and left. Or at least tried to. He got as far as his car and stood staring at his phone.

“Thought you were leavin’?”

TK sighed at that casual drawl. “This is driving me crazy. It doesn’t feel right.”

“So call him,” Judd said as he dumped his bag in his car.

“I texted him. Several times through the morning,” TK admitted. “Nothing.”

“Call. Him,” Judd said slowly.

TK swiped on Carlos’ name in his favorites and frowned as the call went straight to voicemail. “Voicemail,” he said as he disconnected. He rubbed his chest, “I told you, this doesn’t feel right.”

Judd frowned, “Call the hospital. You said he stayed the night with Iris.”

TK shook his head, “No way, I’m not doing that. If he doesn’t want to talk to me then I have to respect his space and stay patient no matter how much I hate it. I did screw up by talking to Iris.”

Judd pinched the bridge of his nose, “You young people drive me crazy! You’re worried about him but want to respect his need to be a dick?”

“Judd,” TK protested.

“The man is giving you, his fiancé,” he waved his hand, “boyfriend, roommate, what have you, the silent treatment while you’re standing here worried.” He huffed, “Fine, if you won’t call, I will.”

TK watched Judd dial a number and put the phone on speaker.

“Hi, could you please put me through to Iris Blake’s room?” Judd asked politely.

“She’s asleep. Should I wake her?”

“Oh, no, you don’t need to wake her. Could I just speak with her visitor, Carlos Reyes?”

“Sorry, she hasn’t had any visitors today.”

“Could you check the login sheet, ma’am? It would be an Officer Carlos Reyes of the APD.”

“No, sorry, I don’t have anyone registered.”

Judd met TK’s eyes, “Okay, thank you.” He nodded his head, “Okay, we have a problem. “Your man lied to you. Again.”

TK nodded his head, “He lied. Again. But if he’s not with Iris, then where is he?”

“Let’s try and find out,” Judd said.

TK shook his head, “I can’t keep you, you have to go home to Char.”

Judd shook his head, “She’s with Grace’s mama.”

“Then why’d you ask me to come over?”

“Cause I was willing to risk my mother-in-law’s wrath to pick up her grandbaby so that her uncle could cuddle with her and teach her more ridiculous habits like hair pullin’.”

TK smiled sweetly, “You softie.”

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s see about locating Carlos so I can give that man a talkin’ to about his foolish behavior,” Judd grumbled. He tapped on his phone and put it on speaker, “Hey, Gracie, honey I need a favor.”

“Judd? What’s up, hun? What can I do for you?”

“Probably something illegal. I got TK here with me. Carlos has gone MIA. He was meant to come over last night and nothing. Not replying to texts, call went to voicemail. Can you locate his phone?”

TK bit his lip and shoved his hands in his pockets, extremely uncomfortable with the entire thing. “I’m sorry, Grace.”

“Hey, TK. Well, it’s not entirely illegal.”

TK brightened up and looked at Judd, “Do you need his number?”

“Nope. I got it. Let me see if I can find his carrier. I can put in a request for his phone records, too. But I do have his IMEI in front of me.”

“Well, can you track down where the phone is now?” Judd asked.

“Hmm,” Grace said, “it’s not picking up a signal. Hold on.”

“What does that mean? Is it turned off? It did go straight to voicemail,” TK said.

“No, that’s strange. It’s disconnected. Which means either the battery was removed or the phone was destroyed.”

TK felt fear grip his heart. What fresh hell was this? “It’s-it’s a newer phone. You can’t just yank the battery out,” he said softly.

“TK, give me some time to look into this. Meanwhile, ask around, maybe he’s at the hospital with Iris or visiting his parents?”

“Okay, thanks, Grace,” TK said softly.

“Thanks, honey. I’m going to stick with TK for some time.”

“That’s a good plan, hon. Charlotte is just fine with my mama. I’ll call once I find out more.”

“What do we do now?” Judd asked.

TK sighed, “Now we go see Carlos’ parents.”

“I’ll drive,” was all Judd said.

In short order, they pulled up to the Reyes’ house and parked.

“They both ain’t your biggest fan right about now?” Judd asked as they walked up the path to the front door.

“Andrea sure isn’t, I don’t know about Gabriel,” TK muttered. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

“TK,” Gabriel said with a smile.

“Hey, um, Carlos isn’t here, is he?” TK asked hopefully.

“No,” Gabriel said confused. “Come on in.” He shut the door and faced them, “TK, what’s going on?”

“TK!” Andrea said as she joined them. She glanced at Judd and smiled, “Perfect timing, I made vegan chili and cauliflower tacos for lunch. Of course, this one thinks I’m trying to kill him,” she said with a laugh.

TK admired her ability to be polite and nice to him around Judd.

“What’s wrong, mijo?” Andrea asked as she looked between them.

“TK’s looking for Carlos,” Gabriel filled his wife in.

“What does that mean, looking? He’s at work, no?” Andrea asked worriedly.

“No, he’s off today.” TK rubbed his arm in agitation, “Um, he said he was spending the night at the hospital with Iris Blake.”

Andrea’s face softened, “How is she doing? We were gonna visit her later.”

TK could feel Judd staring at him and was sure he had paled. Of course. Why wouldn’t Carlos’ parents go to the hospital to see their daughter-in-law? He shoved his petty thoughts away and took a deep breath, “She’s okay, I guess. The problem is that Carlos wasn’t at the hospital last night. I have no idea where he is. I’ve been texting him, I called and he’s not answering me.” He waved his hand out toward Judd, “Judd even had Grace track down his phone. It seems to be disabled or something.”

Andrea clutched her chest, “Oh my God. Gabriel.”

Gabriel put his arm around her, “It’s okay. Alright, let’s not panic.” He looked at TK, “Was he driving his own car?”

“Yes,” TK said.

“Yes, the car. You can track the car!” Andrea insisted.

Gabriel shook his head, “Well actually no, he didn’t purchase that option. He could barely afford the car at the time, remember? But I can put a BOLO out on our son and the car.” He looked at TK, “Okay?”

TK nodded, “Okay.” He tugged his phone out of his pocket when it buzzed, “It’s Grace.” He put the call on speaker, “Hey, Grace, I’m here with Judd and Carlos’ parents. Please tell me you found his phone?” TK pleaded.

“No, baby, I’m sorry. But I can tell you the last call he made. It was to you at 8:15 pm last night but there was nothing after that.”

“Yeah, he called to tell me he wasn’t coming to the 126 for dinner but was staying with Iris. I thought he was calling me from the hospital,” TK explained.

“Well, actually, he was calling from the house where he found Iris.”

“Why would he go back there?” Judd asked.

“I don’t know. But it was off the books. He didn’t call it in.”

Gabriel cleared his throat, “Grace, this is Major Reyes. Can you send us that address, please?”

“Sure, I’m sending it to TK and Judd’s phones.”

Gabriel patted Andrea’s arm, “Why don’t you stay here, and I’ll take TK and Judd and go over to the address and get things moving?”

Andrea nodded, “Bring my boy home, Gabriel. I’m going to go to the hospital and sit with Iris. Poor girl must be all alone.”

TK walked out the door with Judd.

“Let’s wait for the address to come through, TK,” Gabriel called out.

TK looked over his shoulder, “I already know where it is. My team was on the scene.”

—

“So this is where they found her,” Gabriel said as he looked around.

“According to what Carlos told me last night, there’s only one door in and out of this place,” TK said.

“And it was kicked in,” Judd said.

“It was.”

TK turned and saw Detective Grier walking towards them.

“The door was kicked in by Austin PD. It was locked from the inside when we located Iris Blake.” She held out her hand to Gabriel, “Detective Meredith Grier, Missing Persons. I sure hope your son isn’t my next case, Major Reyes.”

Gabriel nodded, “So do I. Thank you for meeting with us.”

Detective Grier put her hands on her hips and looked around.

“How do you think your suspect escaped?” Gabriel asked.

“Um, to be honest, I’m not convinced there was a suspect,” Detective Grier said.

Gabriel frowned, “You think Iris Blake was hallucinating?”

Detective Grier shrugged, “She does have a history.”

TK sighed, exasperated, “Oh, come on. That is such BS. First, you didn’t believe Carlos when he said she didn’t walk away and now you’re not believing Iris? I treated her when he brought her out of that house. Unless she did it to herself.”

Detective Grier stared at him, “Attackers don’t generally just vanish into thin air.”

“Yeah, and neither does my fiancé,” TK said firmly. “Carlos would not disappear this way unless something happened.” He rubbed at his chest. He could not allow his anxiety to get the best of him right now.

“Okay, TK. Calm down,” Judd said and squeezed TK’s shoulder. “Let’s step out for a minute and take a breath.”

TK let Judd gently push him out of the room.

Gabriel sighed, “He’s right, you know.”

Detective Grier nodded, “I do.”

“You have a theory?” Gabriel asked.

“About 1% of houses in this neighborhood are just like this one: run-down, abandoned. You know what that attracts.”

Gabriel nodded, “The criminal element.”

“That’s right. And the last time anyone heard from your son was late at night outside this house, in a shiny car that we cannot find.”

“So you’re checking the hospitals and morgues?”

“Yes.”

TK stood there gasping softly for breath as he heard them talk and wanted to scream at them to stop it. That Carlos was fine. He abruptly turned away from the door and moved to the fireplace. He pressed his palms onto the ledge, lowering his head as he took deep breaths to calm down.

“My son is resourceful and he can take care of himself.”

“I have no doubt that’s how you raised him.”

“No,” Gabriel said proudly, “he figured that out on his own.”

TK frowned as something in the fireplace caught his eye. He bent down and lifted it up. “Gabriel? Detective?” He called out.

“What?” Gabriel asked as he came up to TK.

“I just found this in the fireplace. Looks like someone was trying to get rid of it.”

Detective Grier took the card driver’s license from him, “Donna Burton. Does that name mean anything to you?” she asked TK.

TK blinked as the name came back to him, “Iris said she was out looking for a Donna Burton when she was taken. So maybe the guy who took Iris, took Donna, too, and then brought them both back here.”

“Did you have Forensics go over this house?” Gabriel asked.

Detective Grier looked pained, “We weren’t looking for evidence of multiple abductions.”

“Well, maybe you should be,” Gabriel said firmly. “And I’d get some officers out here to canvas the neighborhood, find out if anybody heard anything last night.”

TK looked at Judd, “Yeah, I’m not waiting for them,” and headed back out the door. He knew Judd had his back.

—

TK blinked at the woman he had been talking to who was making his first responder stranger danger sense tingle. He peered behind her at the loud clattering noise from further within her house that startled her.

“Oh!” She laughed awkwardly, “What’s that cat got into?” She looked into the house, “Whiskers, off the counter!” She smiled and began shutting the door, “I’m sorry I couldn’t have been of more help but I have to go spank my cat now.”

“Alright. Um, I’m TK. If anything comes to mind, please reach me or the lead detective at this number. Okay?” TK asked firmly.

The woman smiled in a way that chilled TK’s blood.

“I’ll be sure to do that. Bye-bye now!” She slammed the door shut.

“Great,” TK muttered to himself and headed to the next house.

—

“Two more possibles. Allyson Beatrice, reported missing, August 2021. Audrey McKenna, last seen leaving her halfway house in 2019.”

“Alright, so it looks like a pattern. All reported missing in the last five years. All transient. Either homeless or in and out of halfway houses.”

“He’s targeting the most vulnerable. Women on the fringe of society.”

“Well, at least now you think there is a he,” TK finally spoke up after having spent the last hour listening to Gabriel and Detective Grier talk. “Look, I get that this is important, I really do. I just don’t understand why we’re searching for women, some of them that have been missing for years when we should be out there looking for Carlos right now.”

Gabriel grasped his shoulders and squeezed gently, “This is how we’ll find him, son.”

“Yeah, but he’s not a transient woman!” TK burst out. “I’m sorry, okay?” he said in a more polite tone. “I just don’t understand how this is gonna help us. You’re talking about, what, a-a serial killer?”

“Yeah, we are, mijo,” Gabriel said gently.

“Okay, so, what,” TK swallowed hard, “you think that, you-you think that,” he stuttered unable to get the words out.

Gabriel squeezed his shoulders again, “TK, you need to let us do our job.”

TK squeezed his eyes shut and pulled away from Gabriel. “We’re not gonna find him alive, are we?” He pressed his lips together at Judd’s silent yet comforting presence at his back.

“I have to believe that we will,” Gabriel said simply.

“Right. Because whoever killed these women, and that’s what we’re talking about right? That these women, they’re all dead,” TK rambled.

“More than likely, yeah,” Gabriel confirmed.

“How are you so calm right now?” TK whispered.

“You don’t think this is tearing me up? What I might have to go tell his mother? His wi—,” Gabriel paused and shook his head, “Iris? You’re not the only one who loves him, TK,” Gabriel said firmly. “But if there are tears to weep, we do it when the time comes. Not before! And right now, he needs us.”

TK felt thoroughly scolded. And gutted that Gabriel had added Iris, Carlos’ wife, in with Andrea as a loved one whom he would have to inform. Before he could start disparaging himself in his head, Judd spoke up.

“Let’s take it easy now, alright, Major Reyes?” Judd said in his no-nonsense tone. He put his arm protectively around TK, “If it weren’t for TK insisting something was wrong, no one would even know your boy was missing. So let’s give the man some credit and a little grace. He’s had a lot thrown at him in the past two weeks.”

At Gabriel’s reluctant nod, Judd pulled TK gently back a few steps. “Breathe for me,” he commanded softly. “Do that one-two-three-four breathing thing you do.”

And TK behaved like a doll whose strings had been cut, sagged against Judd, and obeyed.

He sat up some time later when Detective Grier rushed toward them, “They found his Camaro abandoned off, near Garfield. Seems like someone dumped it.”

Gabriel leaned forward, “Was there any blood in the car?”

Detective Grier shook her head, “No blood, no prints either. Wiped clean. You wanna run out and take a look?” she offered.

Gabriel immediately shook his head, “No. No. Here is where we’re gonna find him.”

Judd whispered in TK’s ear, “You hear his daddy’s confidence in how they’ll find Carlos? You hold onto that, TK.”

TK grounded himself on the soothing manner in which Judd was rubbing his back and nodded. Carlos would be fine. He had to be. They had not finished fighting yet. They would fight. Maybe do some couples counseling this time. Carlos’s divorce would come through. Then they would start dating again. Create a whole new relationship for themselves based on honesty and love. They would have their happily ever after. They would get to live their happily ever after.

—

An hour later Gabriel turned to them, “Okay, let’s look at what we know.”

“They all homesteaded in different parts of the city. That’s a wash,” Detective Grier said.

Gabriel nodded, “They used different shelters. No connecting social workers.”

“No mutual friend groups,” Detective Grier added. “What’s the common thread?”

“They’re all diagnosed with a mental disorder,” TK said slowly from where he sat staring at the board they had pinned the case evidence up on.

“So that’s probably why they were on the streets in the first place.”

TK’s eyes flew over the connection he felt forming. “They all took various medications for their illness.”

Detective Grier tapped her pen against her notes, “I already went down that road, but they all went to different clinics, had different doctors.”

TK stood up abruptly, “They all went to the same pharmacy.”

—

TK followed Gabriel and Judd into the pharmacy, resisting the urge to wring his hands together.

“Howdy,” Gabriel drawled.

“Hi,” the woman behind the counter said.

“Gabriel Reyes, Texas Ranger. I need to ask you some questions about some prescriptions that were filled through your pharmacy.”

“Oh, I really can’t divulge anyone’s medical information,” the woman said immediately. “Not without a warrant.”

“Well, I’m not interested in the medications. I’m interested in the pharmacist. Can you give me the name of the person who filled these?” Gabriel held a photo of medications out to the woman.

“Uh, yeah,” the woman said and took the photo. “You see this code here?” She pointed at the picture, “That’s the pharmacist’s ID.” The woman typed on her computer and nodded, “Uh, looks like those were all filled by the same person. Darryl Keyes.”

“Is he working now?” Judd asked.

“Uh, no, but he was just here. You just missed him.”

“Do you know which way he was headed?” TK asked quickly.

She shook her head, “No. But he was riding a bike, which I thought was weird.”

“Because he just dumped the car,” TK said, terror gripping his soul.

“We’re gonna need an address, please,” Gabriel said firmly.

—

TK zoned out of the mad dash that followed them rushing back to the house with the woman who had seemed shady to him earlier today. It was all too much. Had this man and his mother killed Carlos?

When they got to the house Gabriel immediately kicked in the door shouting a the people to stay down. TK assessed the scene in a moment and rushed past Gabriel and the man and woman to Carlos who was lying on the ground. He knew Judd had his back.

“He’s my son,” the woman wailed as TK dropped down to the floor and grabbed Carlos’ face, checking his eyes and rubbing his cheek to get a response.

“Get over there. Now!” he heard Gabriel yell.

“Carlos! Hey,” TK kept speaking to him hoping for a response.

“TK,” Carlos murmured weakly, his eyes glazed.

“Oh god,” TK whispered. “Carlos, please stay with me. Carlos! Stay with me. Come on, baby, come on!” TK begged.

“TK,” Carlos said, confused.

TK looked at the floor and picked up a bottle, “Morphine.” He looked at the woman, “How much was in the syringe?” He demanded.

“All of it,” the woman said tearfully.

“Oh god,” TK whispered. He looked at Carlos who had closed his eyes, “Hey, Carlos.” He pressed his fingers against Carlos’ neck, “I lost his pulse. I don’t have my gear!” He shouted at Gabriel, “Where’s backup?”

“Dispatch, we have an officer down. Where’s that backup?” Judd demanded into his phone. “Closest unit with a Narcan pack. Now!”

“Can’t let his heart stop,” TK whispered to himself and let his medical training take over as he worked to save the man he loved.

“Come on, mijo,” Gabriel said encouragingly.

“Come on, baby, come on.” TK performed CPR as if his own life depended on it. And in a way it did. His life was this man. “Come on, baby. Carlos!” TK felt he couldn’t breathe when Carlos’ head lolled to the side. He was completely unresponsive. From the corner of his eye, he saw the familiar blue rushing toward him. He turned and held out his hand, “Give me!” Grabbing the Narcan he injected it into Carlos’ thigh.

He was aware of nothing but the muffled noise around them. The woman crying as if under water. The man moaning in pain as if from far away. The officers who had entered talking to Gabriel. All TK knew was the man whose life he held in his hands. When Carlos took a breath TK finally exhaled the breath he had been holding.

Suddenly Carlos shoved TK away, “Get off me!”

“Hey, hey, hey,” TK immediately leaned back putting some distance between them so that Carlos could see him even as he was aware that Gabriel had rushed to Carlos’ other side. He gentled his tone, “Carlos, it’s okay. It’s me.” He reached out and held Carlos’ cheek to ground him, “Carlos, it’s just me.”

He sat back and watched Carlos curl into his father’s embrace. “It’s alright, it’s okay,” he whispered to Carlos as he forced himself not to take it personally that Carlos was seeking comfort from his father and not from him.

“It’s okay,” Gabriel hugged Carlos close. “You’re okay, son.”

A short time later they were standing outside the house with Carlos ready to be transported to the hospital.

“You talk to Mom?” Carlos asked Gabriel.

Gabriel smiled, “She’s already at the hospital decorating your room. Iris is helping,” he said with a laugh.

TK froze and met Judd’s eyes.

“This is ridiculous. Dad, I-I,” Carlos turned to TK, “don’t need to go to the hospital.”

“Are you out of your mind?” TK asked calmly. “You just died.”

Carlos smiled, “Look who’s talking.” Carlos grabbed TK’s hand and squeezed gently, “Hey, thank you for saving my life.”

“Oh, baby, you saved your own life,” TK said softly while internally wincing at the endearment that had slipped out. “I was just holding onto it for a little while.”

“It’s yours,” Carlos said emotionally.

“Alright, take him up,” Judd said.

“Thank you,” TK mouthed at Judd who just smiled at him.

“You gonna ride with him?” Gabriel asked.

“Yeah. I thought I would,” TK said.

“I’ll see you over there in some time,” Gabriel said and patted Carlos’ leg.

“See you, Dad,” Carlos said.

—

TK sat staring at his thumbnail, doing his best not to pick at the hangnail he had developed. If he started on it, he knew he could make himself bleed and he would regret the sting of it when he gave himself a manicure.

He glanced up and back down when he saw Iris Blake enter the waiting room and go sit by Andrea Reyes. The two women sitting and talking softly annoyed him. But there was nothing he could do about it. He had refused to speak more than brief replies to Andrea. The betrayal there sat fresh in his soul. She had known. She had known all this while that Carlos was married. To a woman. And she had gone along with his deception and not told him about it. And expected him to go along with it.

Adding on to that she was now being very mother-in-law-like with Iris by having gone to visit her in the hospital.

When he thought back to her audacity to scold him while he had been recovering from nearly dying about how he had hurt her baby boy and to never do it again, he wanted to laugh. He wanted to scream and remind her that he was someone’s baby boy too. Only Gwyneth Morgan was not around to come scold Carlos for breaking his heart, for crushing his trust, for continuing to put him in situations where he had to face his wife. Gwyneth was not around to tell Andrea off for the way she had hurt TK’s feelings. His mother was gone and would never defend him again.

He pressed his palms against his eyes. This was not the time to be remembering his mother.

“Family of Officer Reyes?”

TK’s head snapped up at that. He stood up and wiped his hands on his thighs. Finally! They had taken Carlos back for tests over an hour ago.

“Ah, paramedic Strand. It’s good to see you healthy.”

TK smiled at the doctor who had been one of the several who had treated him and nodded. “Thank you, Doctor Martin. Is Carlos okay?”

“He’s doing better. We’ll keep him at least twenty-four hours for observation and have him on an IV now to replenish fluids. We can allow him visitors but just one or two at a time so as not to overwhelm him and of course hospital policy.”

“I’m Andrea Reyes, Carlos’ mother.”

TK nodded and glanced at Andrea as he took a step forward, intending to go see Carlos with her.

“I’d like to see Carlos, too.”

TK closed his eyes and squeezed them shut, his hands closing into fists at his side at Iris’ voice. He opened his eyes, ran his tongue along his bottom lip, and stared at the doctor as he paused and turned around.

“I’m his wife.”

TK froze. He refrained from whipping around and glaring at Iris and looked at Andrea instead.

Andrea gave TK an apologetic look and nodded at the doctor. TK’s mouth dropped open at that and all he could do was stand still as Dr. Martin glanced at him and led Carlos’ mother and his wife to his room. It took several minutes for TK to shift back and regain his seat, his hands trembling as he tucked them into his sleeves. He hated that he never got warm anymore. He dug his fingers into his arm, pressing down so he could really feel the pain. The sting of his nails on his skin helped keep the tears at bay. Another thing he hated. He was a crier. Something he was fine with doing in New York but hated doing in Austin.

How was this happening to him? No matter what, he was Carlos’, he paused and shied away from the term boyfriend. They lived together. Iris knew her place in Carlos’ life was not that of his wife and she had still used the legality of their situation to claim her spot by him. He didn’t know what to do about Andrea supporting her with her silence. But she was an active participant, his mind insisted, she nodded at the doctor to support Iris’ claim.

Did Andrea not approve of him at all? She had made it clear she did not like how he had hurt Carlos’ feelings by breaking up with him and more recently by calling off their engagement. Or was this about him being a man? About her precious Carlitos being with a man? Was she hoping to bring Carlos and Iris together again? Did she think lumping her gay son with his wife could make the gay go away? TK squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. What reason could she have to do this that made any sort of sense? TK pressed his lips together when they trembled. He would not cry. Not here!

He sniffed and tugged his phone out of his pocket when he felt it buzz. He winced when he checked his messages and saw an unread one from Enzo joining the several he had sent over the past two days that TK had read but not responded to.

Enzo – Tyler-Kennedy, if you don’t call me before the end of this day I’m packing Jonah and myself up and coming to Austin.

He looked around the hospital waiting room. Andrea AND Iris were still in with Carlos. It had been forty-five minutes already, plenty of time for a visit while he sat out here just waiting his turn to see Carlos. Taking a deep breath he decided to step outside and talk to Enzo now before his stepfather made good on his threat.

He nodded at Gabriel Reyes as he saw him walking in.

“You heading home, TK?” He asked.

“No.” TK paused and shrugged, “I don’t know. Mrs. Reyes is in with Carlos, as is his wife.” He shrugged again, “Maybe I will head home. Give your family and Carlos the space they clearly desire. Take care, sir.”

TK walked away before Gabriel could reply. He had not intended to leave. But it had been a while since he had been sitting around the waiting room and to see Carlos’ mother and legal wife get to have more rights than him had hit his limit for the day.

—

When his phone rang a couple of hours later TK hesitated when he saw Carlos’ name, then quickly answered.

“You left,” is what he heard as soon as he put the phone on speaker.

TK debated lying for all of a second. “The doctor limited visitors to two at a time. Your wife told the doctor she’d like to see you. She of course got preference over me.”

“Babe, don’t be like that.”

TK squeezed his eyes shut at Carlos’ disappointed tone. “What do you want from me, Los? First, you give me the silent treatment, then you lie to me about where you are, what you’re doing and go charging around a loaded situation without backup. All for her. Then she asked to see you before me and I couldn’t even protest ’cause as your wife she gets first dibs unless I was ready to go make a scene about it but decided not to since your mother approved of her visit.” He sighed and turned onto his back in bed, “I waited for over forty-five minutes for one of them to come out and let me see you. I left when your dad showed up ’cause he too would receive priority as a visitor over me, your friend.”

“Baby,” Carlos said softly, “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

TK blinked rapidly to keep the tears at bay. “Didn’t your mother tell you I was waiting to see you? Why did Iris stay for such a long time?”

Carlos sighed, “Mom neglected to mention that. I didn’t even know you were there until my dad came and mentioned it. My mom was just concerned about me and Iris was feeling so guilty about everything that happened but also relieved that she wasn’t imagining things, you know? She wanted to just talk it out. Time sort of passed us by. It wasn’t until Dad walked in and mentioned you left that Mom remembered.”

TK didn’t even mention that he had left three hours ago. Bitterness welled up in him again that Gabriel had been allowed to visit as well. Carlos’ parents and his legal spouse. He did not know what to think about the fact that Carlos had not expected him to be at the hospital when he had come in in the ambulance with him. Did he think TK had just walked off home?

“And Iris needed to unload her guilt and relief on you, a former friend rather than her therapist while you are in the hospital after having been tortured all day.”

“TK, no!” Carlos protested.

TK slowly sat up in bed and sat back against his pillow.

“Iris,” Carlos hesitated, “Iris isn’t my former friend, TK. We’re friends and just lost touch for a bit. Best friends. Things will be better now. Her being on medication and back to living her life means we can have each other in our lives again.”

TK’s mouth dropped open. Now he would have to have Carlos’ hopefully soon-to-be ex-wife as part of his life?! He rested his hand on his knee and dug his fingers in.

“How-how are you feeling?” He changed the subject before he lost his cool. After the ordeal Carlos had been through, TK was going to do his best by him.

“Alive, thanks to you,” Carlos said warmly. He continued when TK did not say anything. “Sore and bruised. They’re keeping me for twenty-four hours observation.”

“That’s good. Earlier Dr. Martin had said they’d keep you for at least twenty-four hours. Do you need anything from home? I can bring it by tomorrow.”

“A change of clothes would be good.”

“Will do,” TK fell silent, unsure where he stood with Carlos and what to say. Finally, he just decided to end the call. “Get some rest, Carlos. I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said softly.

“Goodnight, baby,” Carlos said slowly.

TK bit his lip and disconnected the call before Carlos could tell him he loved him. Carlos and he had made a point of ending calls by saying it ever since they had gotten back together but TK could not bear to hear it right now. He was afraid all he would feel was Carlos’ betrayal instead of his love.

Day 15

TK packed Carlos’ duffel with a change of comfortable clothes – sweatpants and a T-shirt and a pair of the form-fitting jeans he preferred with a snug T-shirt. Adding in a pair of socks and underwear, he grabbed one of his larger shoe bags and added a pair of flip-flops and sneakers to it. He added in the small kit he’d made containing a toothbrush, toothpaste, his own cleansing foam that Carlos pretended he didn’t use, shower gel, body lotion, face cream, hand cream, and lip balm.

Had he gone overboard in packing? Perhaps. But were they all things he wished to have when he was in the hospital? Yes. When he was a guest of hospitals he didn’t care what he was wearing when he left as long as it was easy to pull on and soft. But he always felt warm thanks to Carlos bringing him his most comfortable clothes. It was now his turn to offer some care in return.

He plumped up the pillows on the bed again and smoothened down the duvet. Grabbing the bag he headed out the door. He had already ordered groceries to pick up after his shift tomorrow. He was ready for his love to come home so they could begin fixing their lives. Beginning with Carlos’ recovery, divorce, and in the future, couples therapy.

—

TK shoved aside the uneasiness that washed over him as he walked into the hospital. Considering his chosen profession that brought him through these doors often enough, he couldn’t afford to develop these issues around the place.

Checking in with the nurse he navigated his way through the hospital with ease and made his way to Carlos’ room.

TK knocked on the door and popped his head in. He smiled when he saw Carlos reclined in bed and walked in.

“Hey, good morning. How was your night?” He asked softly as he set the bag he had packed for Carlos down.

Carlos smiled his sweet smile, “Better than I expected it to go. I slept all the way through.” He looked carefully at TK, “How’d you sleep?”

TK made a face to express he hadn’t slept well. “How are you feeling?”

“Sore,” Carlos admitted. “But all my vitals are normal. I’m very ready to get out of here and go home.”

TK smiled softly at him, “Soon, baby.” He winced internally as the affectionate nickname slipped out. He had ceased using anything but Carlos’ name since he had found out about Iris but it was a difficult habit to drop.

“I’m surprised your mom isn’t here hovering over her Carlitos,” he teased gently to get past his slip-up.

Carlos laughed, “I told her to stay home and relax.” He rolled his eyes, “So obviously she’s gone shopping to go on a cooking spree.”

TK smiled, now familiar with the way Andrea enjoyed doting on her baby boy. “Good thing our freezer is on the emptier side right now,” TK quipped.

“Um yeah, about that,” Carlos said hesitantly, “my parents want me to come recuperate at their house. Mom is completely against the idea of me being home alone while you’re at work.” He sighed, “I couldn’t say no, TK. It’ll only be for a couple of days,” he hurriedly assured TK.

TK nodded easily, “That makes sense and I don’t blame them for wanting you close and under their roof for a bit. You gave us quite a scare, Los.” He glanced at the bag. “I’ll pack you more clothes and bring it over to your parents after my shift.”

“Thank you. I’d really appreciate that, baby,” Carlos said warmly.

TK’s fist clenched against his thigh. Hearing Carlos call him baby was even worse than him saying it himself.

He nodded and straightened up, “I have to get going. You be a model patient, Carlos.” He gave in and went closer, bending down to press a kiss against Carlos’ forehead.

“I’ll be good,” Carlos promised.

TK left the room and was walking down the hallway when he heard his name called out.

“TK!”

TK looked around and smiled when he saw a familiar face waving and coming toward him. “Well if it isn’t the sweetest nurse in all of Austin! How are you, Avi?”

Avinash smiled at TK. “If it isn’t my nicest patient. I can’t say it’s good to see you within these walls, TK, but I’m relieved to know you aren’t here for yourself.”

TK indicated the corridor behind him. “Carlos is admitted here. I came to visit and bring him a few things.”

Avinash bit his lip and nodded. “I heard.” His voice dropped, “We all heard. I’m so sorry, TK. I honestly can’t believe you’re here and visiting. You’re such an amazing man. I mean none of us could believe it but then Dr. Martin confirmed he’d met you yesterday.” He paused and slowly reached out to squeeze TK’s arm. “Please know I’m here for you if you need any support.”

TK’s smile slowly slid off as Avinash kept speaking. He was utterly confused as to what the man was talking about. He opened his mouth and closed it when he didn’t know what to say. “I got nothing,” he said after a long moment. “What are you talking about?”

Avinash gaped for a moment. “You and Carlos. When you were in last the way he doted on you and clung to you, it reaffirmed my belief that there’s a love out there for all of us. I don’t know what happened to end your relationship but the fact that you two are still friends is just blowing my mind. It speaks to the people you are, your character. I’ll be honest and say I don’t think I have it in me.”

TK kept his mouth from dropping open through sheer force of will. “Why do people think we’ve broken up?” He finally asked in a hushed whisper.

Avinash now looked confused. “Carlos’ wife?”

“Carlos’ wife,” TK repeated dumbly while biting back, who told you about that?!

“Yes,” Avinash said slowly. “She was visiting Carlos along with his parents yesterday. When she was asked to leave after visiting hours ended, she introduced herself as his wife and asked to stay longer on account of being shaken up by Carlos’ ordeal.” He hesitated then continued, “Carlos didn’t say anything to refute it so she was allowed to stay.”

TK took a slow breath as he processed this new information. “I honestly don’t know what to tell you right now, Avi.” He rubbed his brow, “Can we talk later? I have to get to an appointment.”

“Yeah, yeah, of course. I’m sorry to have upset you. Please know that wasn’t my intention.”

TK smiled a small smile and patted Avi’s arm reassuringly. “No, really, don’t stress about it. This is a strange situation I’ve found myself in with Carlos. We’re muddling through. So I have no answer to offer, unfortunately.”

“You owe me no explanations, TK. But if you need a ear, I’m here for you.”

TK tugged Avi into a light hug, pleased to have inspired friendship from this man. “Thank you, I appreciate it more than I can express.”

As TK walked away from his well-wisher, he wondered for the umpteenth time just what Carlos had been thinking by dating him, living with him, and getting engaged to him while married.

Day 16

TK dragged himself into the 126. Unable to sleep, he had woken up early and sat around staring at the walls. To get himself out of the loft, he had gone to the gym before work. He dreaded the day ahead. All the questions. The curiosity. People expressing sympathy.

TK popped his head into Tommy’s office, “Hey Tommy.”

“TK,” Tommy smiled warmly, “come in. How are you?”

TK forced a smile, “I’m okay. How are you?” he asked politely.

Tommy’s smile softened, “I’m doing well. Should I ask how he is doing?”

“Can we skip it?” TK asked.

Tommy nodded, “Yes, we can. Do you need anything from me in terms of support?”

TK smiled sincerely this time, “Nothing at the moment. Thank you. I just want to do my job and stop thinking about what happened and how much worse it could have been.”

“Alright then, off you go.”

TK waved and left, glancing into his father’s empty office as he walked away. Still no word from uninterested-father-of-the-year-Strand.

—

“Hey TK, how are you doing?”

TK looked up from the clipboard to find Nancy standing there with a concerned look on her face. “I’m okay,” he said softly.

“How’s Carlos? Poor guy has been through so much.”

TK froze. Right. Carlos. He ran his fingers through his hair, “He’s okay. He’s being kept in the hospital for observation.”

Nancy nodded, “Observation is good. Better to be cautious.”

TK nodded and continued working through his checklist.

“And how’s Iris?”

TK blinked down at the list on the clipboard and wondered if he had misheard. When he looked up he saw that she was waiting expectantly for an answer. She really wanted to know from him, how his… undefined’s wife was doing. “Uh, she’s-, I don’t know. I think she’s okay?”

“I’m surprised you’re at work, I thought you would have taken the day off to spend it by Carlos’ bedside.”

TK bit the inside of his cheek and continued stocking. With the current state of their relationship, his place was not by Carlos’ bedside at this time and he wished Nancy would consider his feelings a little before she spoke.

Day 17

TK rubbed his face as he walked into his home. It had been a long shift of facing people’s questions, hearing their whispers and speculations, and pretending none of it hurt his feelings. He had heard more than one person speculate as to why he had proposed to a married man. It hurt that people didn’t seem to believe him that he hadn’t known.

He set his bags of groceries on the counter and went into his bedroom. He just wanted a shower and four to five hours of sleep before he went to see Carlos.

He stopped short as he noticed the duffel bag opened on his bed filled with clothes around it. Carlos’ clothes. The wrong sort of clothes he’d pack to lounge around in. A chill wrapped itself around TK. The amount of clothes laid out, jeans, shirts, and t-shirts, looked like Carlos was packing for an extended stay away. And not just a few days away to recover at his parent’s house.

“Carlos?” He called out as he looked around.

“Oh!” Andrea Reyes said as she emerged from the bathroom with an armful of products. “You’re home.”

“Yes,” TK said calmly, “I am.” The situation immediately made sense. No matter what, Carlos wouldn’t send his mama to do his dirty work. He hoped his amusement was not showing through. Andrea had Carlos and TK’s shift schedules. She knew he would be home soon after his shift ended. She had planned to do this with him around. “Can I help you with something?” He asked politely as he nudged his chin toward the bottles in her hand.

“Oh, no, I was just packing Carlitos’ things for his stay with us, to make him more comfortable.”

TK nodded, “I’d told Carlos I’d pack him a bag and bring it by.”

“Well I wanted him to have his things today,” Andrea said firmly. “Is it a problem I’m here?”

“Nope. No problem at all. Except you’re packing my things.”

He could see he’d surprised her. To him, it was obvious Andrea Reyes was leaning toward passive-aggressiveness and spoiling for an argument. He wanted to tell her to save the build-up and just talk out whatever was on her mind. He had grown up between Gwyneth and Owen who played at passive aggressive like it was a favored hobby. It just did not work with him.

Figuring she wouldn’t ask, he decided to be helpful. “These are my hair products. Carlos’ are the bottles marked for curly, frizzy hair. A shampoo and conditioner in the shower, and a serum and cream on the shelf by the sink.”

“Carlos doesn’t have frizzy hair,” Andrea all but snapped at him.

TK just blinked at her and let that settle for a moment so she could realize how absurd she was being. “I don’t make the products or brand them, Andrea.” He smiled tiredly, “I’ll get them together for you.” He moved around her and went into the bathroom. Grabbing a bag from under the shelf, he quickly gathered Carlos’ hair products and put them inside.

Coming out of the bathroom he saw Andrea now packing Carlos’ clothes.

“Here you go,” he set the bag on the bed and surveyed the clothes she was packing. “Do you need any help?”

“No, thank you, I’m nearly done,” Andrea said stiffly.

TK wanted to just let it be but his conscience poked at him. He didn’t want Carlos to be uncomfortable. He swallowed back a heavy sigh. “Carlos likes wearing sweatpants or lounge pants at home with cotton t-shirts. And PJs. He likes his cotton pajamas. Do you want me to grab those to pack?”

Andrea paused and looked over the clothes she’d selected. “That would be fine.”

TK moved to stand in front of Carlos’ closet and rolled his eyes. He didn’t like that Andrea had invaded his privacy by going through their things. But this was something he had to discuss with Carlos and create some new boundaries. They’d never discussed a parent having free rein over their space. Well, they had. In regards to his father. But not about Carlos’ parents.

He quickly pulled out five cotton t-shirts, two cotton lounge pants, a pair of sweatpants, and a pair of PJ pants. He set them down on the bed. “I doubt he’ll need quite so many but better to have them and not need them.”

He turned away when Andrea nodded silently and began packing. Grabbing four pairs of socks, and his sweatshirt that Carlos liked to wear, TK left them on the bed. When she didn’t say anything he nodded. “I’ll leave you to it.”

He left the bedroom and got working on putting the groceries he’d picked up after work away. Tapping on the red peppers he decided he’d roast them off today and store them. Setting aside the entire lot he’d bought into a big bowl, he added four onions to the bowl and two heads of garlic.

TK had just finished shaking the reusable bags out over the bin to clean them out before he stored them when he noticed Andrea watching him.

“You sure bought a lot,” She said and indicated the bowl of peppers and onions.

“Oh. Yeah. I bought enough for some of Carlos’ favorite meals that I can make.”

“You knew he was coming to stay with us.”

TK wondered if he was imagining the accusatory tone of her voice. “I’d ordered the groceries for pick up before he let me know he was going home with you. None of it will go to waste.” He wondered why she cared. He’d spent his own money on food he would eat.

He decided to ignore Andrea and carried on with his work since a shower and nap would have to wait. Grabbing his duffel he set it on the table and emptied it out, the food boxes went in the sink. He dumped the bag by the washing machine and came back to find Andrea had moved into the kitchen.

“You don’t eat at work?” She indicated the boxes in the sink.

“Normally I do. But I’ve been on a diet.” He shrugged, “For the wedding. So I was taking my meals with me.”

“You hurt him again, TK. He was so disappointed that you didn’t wait to see him at the hospital. I had told you the last time that enough was enough. You need to stop hurting my boy.”

TK looked up to find Andrea staring at him, her mouth set in a firm line of disapproval. He was torn between laughing hysterically and pouring out his frustrations with her son and her, at her.

Instead, he behaved like the polite man Enzo Rossi had raised and moved his arm to indicate the couch. “Would you like to sit so we can talk?”

Andrea crossed her arms over her chest. “No. I want to hear your excuse for hurting my son. Your latest excuse.”

TK raised his eyebrows and wished he had told her off and stood his ground the first time she had given him the lecture about hurting her baby. She had ambushed him when he had been recuperating from hypothermia by plying him with love and a heaping dose of scolding and guilt with a side of food. He had set the precedent and now it was up to him to fix this mess.

“Would you care to tell me what I’ve done to hurt him?” He asked politely.

Andrea’s eyes narrowed at him. “You called off the wedding! After Carlitos was so happy about the venue you loved being available early.”

TK stared at her incredulously. “This again? You know the history there, right Andrea? That Carlos told me our dream venue was available and that he was already a married man!”

“He told you that it was just a marriage in name!”

“So? You and he both keep insisting that he is married in name only but that still means he is married legally!” TK said aghast. “I’m supposed to just forgive, forget, and move past that the man I was engaged to had held onto such a secret our entire relationship?!” TK was baffled as to why they were having this conversation again. They had already had this argument!

“You must give him the benefit of doubt that he had a good reason for it. My Carlitos was going through a tough time and he and his friend decided to lean on each other. That must be appreciated,” Andrea said firmly.

“I can offer him the benefit of doubt that he, as a gay man, has a good reason for having married a woman. And then not divorce her even when she was busy living with another man and he was enjoying his single life. He began a relationship with me. He asked me to move in with him. He accepted my proposal. And then got deep into wedding planning with me. And then dropped a bomb on me. How am I meant to get past him omitting to mention to me that he was married for the entirety of our relationship? That’s called being deceitful and a whole lot of red flags, Andrea. But I love him enough to want to try to work through this.”

“Then why did you break up with him?”

TK refrained again from rolling his eyes. It’s like she only heard what she wanted to hear. No wonder she got along with Owen Strand. “I did not break up with him. We’re still together, just un-engaged.”

“I can’t believe you’re punishing him at a time like this, TK,” Andrea said.

TK frowned. Andrea was positively dripping with disappointment at him. “I’m the one who didn’t want him rushing off to investigate alone just because precious Iris had made this situation all about her. I’m the one who insisted something was wrong. I’m the one who followed up and went searching for him. I’m the one who found Carlos and saved his life!” He waved his hand at the kitchen counter, “I shopped with his comfort foods in mind. I was all set to bring him home and see him taken care of. Not that I’m against you taking him home and taking care of him. How is all of this me punishing him?”

“You’re welcome to come stay as well, TK. But I took him home because I knew it would be uncomfortable for you.”

TK tilted his head in confusion, “Uncomfortable for me? How so?”

“Well,” Andrea said slowly, “the pills. Carlos has to take the pain pills but we know you can’t be around them. For your own good, we decided, Gabriel and I, that Carlitos should come home with us and it is better you stay here. To avoid the temptation and all.”

TK felt white-hot rage flood him. For her to bring up his addiction and fling it in his face so casually was something only someone who wanted to hurt him would do. She ignored all of her son’s faults, his present mistakes, and thought she had the right to keep poking at his past mistakes. She expected him to ignore her son’s faults as well and when he did not she went low.

He was done. He wet suddenly dry lips and forced outward calm. “It’s clear this conversation has derailed into an ugly place, Mrs. Reyes,” he said formally. “I’d like you to leave now.”

He could see she regretted her ugly words. But that was too little too late for him at this moment. He needed space from her and time to process her continued disappointment in her son’s chosen partner.

“This is still my son’s home,” she said in a small voice.

TK nearly laughed hysterically. That was the route she’d decided to take?!

He took a deep breath, “With all due respect, Mrs. Reyes, you are correct that this is your son’s home. And he is of course welcome back in it. This is your son’s home and my home. And I don’t want you here at this moment. I’d also like you to ask before returning unless Carlos is with you or here in the apartment.” He shook his head when she opened her mouth, “This is not up for debate. Please leave.”

He returned to the kitchen and ignored her. After a long moment, he heard her grab the bag she had packed for Carlos and leave.

—

TK drove as slowly as he could get away with on his way to the Reyes’ house. After Andrea left he had found it difficult to settle down knowing someone had been rooting through their things. The gift of some leftover trauma from Sadie drugging them in their own home. Thanks, Dad, he thought, for dumping Sadie, her pills, and her brand of crazy into my life.

He had spent some time setting Carlos’ closet, their bed, and bathroom to rights. Only once he had erased evidence of Andrea Reyes having been in his home did he feel comfortable lying down for a nap.

He had not planned to go over to see Carlos since he did not have the excuse of bringing him his things anymore but he had woken up to a text from Carlos asking if he would come over for dinner and so here he was driving like a slow poke so that he could delay the inevitable meeting with Andrea and Gabriel. Two people he thought had accepted him wholeheartedly into their son’s life but had just stayed silent while Carlos betrayed him and had aided Carlos in making a fool out of him while also judging him as unfit to care for the man he loved because they thought he would steal Carlos’ pain pills.

TK’s hands clenched on the wheel. He settled into his breathing routine and slowly eased his hold on the wheel. Inhale 1-2-3-4, hold 2-3-4, exhale 4-3-2-1. He continued with his breathing routine until he pulled up to the Reyes house and parked.

“I can do this,” TK said gently to himself. “Gwyneth Morgan and Enzo Rossi didn’t raise a coward.” He nodded once and got out of the car. He picked up the box of peanut butter swirl chocolate brownies he had made because his mom had taught him to never go over to someone’s house empty-handed and Enzo had always said something heartfelt was better than a generic bottle of wine as long as you knew what your host liked. TK did not know if his hosts would like the brownies but he knew Carlos enjoyed them and he wanted him to have something he enjoyed eating.

He knocked on the door and waited patiently. He had been tapping his fingers on the box of brownies as he waited and nodded when Gabriel opened the door.

“TK! Come on in,” Gabriel said enthusiastically.

“Hey, Mr. Reyes,” TK said politely.

“Ah, TK, we’re back to you being utterly polite, are we?” Gabriel asked with a teasing smile.

TK smiled a small smile in response and shrugged, “We are. At least for a little while.” He smiled to take the sting out of it.

Gabriel sighed and stepped aside, “Come on in. Andrea has been cooking up a storm so I hope you brought an appetite.”

TK stepped into the house and turned toward the living room, smiling when he caught Carlos’ eye who was seated on the couch.

“Yes, sir. I didn’t eat when I woke up,” TK said. He walked up to Carlos and sat beside him. “Hey.”

Carlos rested his hand on TK’s thigh. “Hey,” he said with a smile.

TK lifted up the box, “I made you peanut butter swirl chocolate brownies.”

Carlos’ smile widened, “Thank you,” he said warmly. “I love these.”

TK nodded with a small smile.

“How are you?” Carlos asked softly.

TK shrugged, “Okay, I guess. Are you feeling better?”

Carlos peered closely at him and nodded. “I honestly just want to be home with you.”

TK desperately wanted to tell Carlos that his parents were nervous about sending him home with an addict but glanced at Gabriel who had sat down in an armchair and kept quiet.

“It’ll just be a few days,” he finally mumbled.

He turned when he heard someone enter the room and froze at the sight of Iris. Iris dressed in Carlos’ clothes. Iris dressed in his sweatshirt and Carlos’ sweatpants. The comfortable clothes Andrea had taken with her just a few short hours ago.

“Carlos, thanks for letting me borrow your clothes,” Iris said with a smile as she joined them and sat on the arm of the couch beside Carlos.

“You’re welcome,” Carlos said warmly. “Though that’s TK’s sweatshirt. I love how soft it is.” He laughed, “I always end up borrowing it from him.”

Iris smiled and tugged at the front of the sweatshirt, “Oh, then thanks, TK.” She flashed him an easy smile, “I love how soft it is too. I think I’ll keep it.”

“Iris,” Carlos said with a smile.

Iris grinned, “Okay, okay, then I’ll borrow it.”

TK felt his eyebrows go up at the exchange.

“Hi, TK, nice of you to visit,” Iris smiled at him.

“Hi, Iris.” TK refrained from asking her what she was doing there. It was not his house or his right to do so. “How are you feeling?” He asked instead.

“I’m getting better. I’m staying here for a few days while Carlos and I recover from our ordeal,” she said helpfully.

“Oh,” was all TK said. He looked at Carlos who quickly explained.

“Iris was nervous about being alone. Her mother is out of town as is Michelle. I offered her our pull out but then my mom thought it’d be better for us both to be here.”

TK only just bit back the temptation to suggest they go back to the hospital so they could get Carlos’ head checked. They could get all three Reyes’ heads checked. Maybe Iris as well. Carlos apparently could not see how weird it was that his mother wanted him and his in-name-only wife to stay with them. Meanwhile, Iris seemed to be clinging to her gay husband. Her gay husband Carlos who had freely offered his wife the couch in the apartment he shared with TK, his former fiancé, current relationship status unknown.

“TK, are you okay?” Carlos asked softly. When TK met his eyes he said worriedly, “You’ve gone pale.”

TK made the quick decision to leave. “Yeah. It’s been a stressful few days. Weeks. Months,” he said with a hollow laugh. He stood up, “I’m going to head home. I think I need to lie down and get some more sleep. I just wanted to see that you’re okay.”

Carlos quickly stood up with him. “You can lay down here. Stay the night. You haven’t eaten anything. You can eat when you wake up.” He reached out and grabbed TK’s arm.

TK wanted to laugh at the thought of staying under the Reyes’ roof with Carlos, his undefined at the moment, Carlos’ wife, and his parents who worried he would help himself to Carlos’ pain pills.

He patted Carlos’ hand that was clutching at him. “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it.” He nodded at Gabriel and carefully pulled away from Carlos.

“Yes, TK, you should just stay here,” Gabriel said. “I’m sorry, we should have offered before. Owen always invites Carlos when you go home to recuperate.” He looked at Carlos for confirmation who nodded.

“That was when I lived at home with him, Mr. Reyes,” TK reminded him. “And me being here would defeat the purpose of you bringing Carlos here to recuperate.”

“What purpose? TK, what are you talking about?” Carlos asked.

TK decided he did not need to keep the Reyes’ secret. “Your mom told me they brought you home cause they were worried about me helping myself to your pain pills.” He shrugged when Carlos’ eyes widened and his mouth dropped open.

“You had to have misunderstood, TK. My parents would never think that!” Carlos vehemently protested.

“I never said that,” Gabriel protested too. “You’re mistaken, TK.”

TK shrugged again, “Well, Mrs. Reyes said that Carlos has to take the pills and that they know that I can’t be trusted around them. So they had decided for my own good, that Carlos should go home with them and it’s better I stay home. To avoid temptation and all. These were her words to me just a few hours ago when I walked in from work to find her packing for Carlos’ stay.” He gave Carlos a look that had him groaning.

“I told her there was no need to go over and that you’d bring me more clothes this evening,” Carlos said.

TK refrained from shrugging again and decided to be snarky instead. “I agree. She could have put her time to better use and gone to get Iris clothes,” he said sweetly.

“Oh, my sister Michelle will bring my clothes by when she arrives tomorrow,” Iris added helpfully.

“Joy,” TK said in a deadpan tone. “Feel better you two.”

“TK, please don’t go. I’ll straighten things out with mom,” Carlos pleaded.

“That’s up to you, Carlos. I would have hoped your mother knew I was an addict who was three years sober and lost my sobriety due to being drugged. I’m not going to help myself to your pills. But apparently not.”

“I’ll make that clear to her. I have complete faith in you, TK,” Carlos said firmly.

“I can’t stay here, Carlos. It’s obvious your mother has issues with me. But this is not the time for you to deal with this.” TK cupped Carlos’ cheek, “You rest up, feel better, and recover smoothly.”

Carlos followed TK to the door. “I’ll come home. I would have right now but Iris needs me.”

TK opened the door and looked at Carlos. “Funny how she didn’t need you or even contact you for two years, and relied on her sister and mother but now she suddenly needs you. I guess I can’t fault you for wanting to be there for your wife.” He knew it was a low blow but he couldn’t help what he said. Well he could, but he didn’t want to.

TK turned and walked to his car. He was pulling on his seatbelt when he looked up and noticed Andrea and Carlos arguing by the front door. With a sigh, he shifted gears and drove away.

Day 18

The next day TK stood staring at all the ingredients he had bought to make Carlos’ meals. “More for me,” he muttered and rolled his eyes at himself.

He set the oven to preheat, grabbed the red peppers, and began deseeding them. He sliced them in half, laid them neatly on a baking tray, and set them to roast along with onions and garlic.

Drumming his fingers on the table he stared at the eggplant. “What to do with you?” he asked it. He winced, “Stop talking to it would be a start. Or out loud. Geez, TK, shut up,” he said quickly.

He grabbed his iPad and opened up his family recipe book, searching through until he found dishes that contained eggplant. He had bought it to make eggplant Barbacoa tacos for Carlos. He looked away from the screen when his phone rang.

Glancing at the screen he smiled when he saw Judd’s name and answered the call before putting it on speaker. “Hey, Judd.”

“Hey, TK, how are you?”

“Meh.” He looked at his screen, “Hey, which sounds better to you? Eggplant parmesan or an eggplant sandwich?”

“Eggplant parmesan. Why?”

“I bought eggplant. For Carlos. Who is not here to eat it. I couldn’t make up my mind so thanks for deciding for me. What’s up? How are you?”

TK filled a bowl with water and put it in the microwave to heat up.

“I’m confused and staring at a box of vegan cheese. Do I need special pasta to go with it?”

TK blinked, “Uh, why are you buying vegan cheese?”

Judd sighed, “Wyatt’s coming over for dinner. I want him to eat more than a sandwich at our house. Wait, vegan cheese does melt right?”

TK smiled, “You’re a good dad, Judd.” He glanced at the oven, “If you want, I’m making roast pepper sauce. It’s vegetarian and dairy-free. You want to swing by and pick it up for Wyatt’s dinner? You just need to add the pasta you have at home to it. You can buy vegan cheese to sprinkle on it if you’d like and yes it does melt.”

“Thanks, brother, I appreciate it.”

TK carefully took the bowl out of the microwave and added eight cashews to soak in it.

“Hey, why don’t you join us for dinner?” Judd asked.

TK smiled, “Nah, you don’t need me intruding on a family dinner.”

“You wouldn’t be intruding, you’re family and you know it. Come to dinner, stay the night and we can go to work together tomorrow. I know you don’t want to be there all alone just wandering that apartment.”

“I-I…” TK stuttered and trailed off because the truth was he really did not want to be there. It no longer felt like his home.

“Make your sauce, pack a bag. I’ll pick up dessert and then come get you in about forty-five minutes?”

TK graciously gave in, “Thanks, Judd,” he said softly.

“I’ve got your back, TK.”

TK sank back against the counter with a shaky smile, relieved at having people like the Ryders around.

—

“That smells good,” Judd said as he peered into the pot on the stove. “And it has no dairy?”

“Nope! I usually add a little butter to it and some cheese, but this is the dairy-free base,” TK said as he sprinkled a little sugar, salt, and black pepper into the pot before stirring it all in.

“Is this your nonna’s recipe?” Judd asked curiously as he set the pasta to boil.

“Oh no,” TK grinned, “this is Enzo’s recipe. I use it like soup, like a pasta sauce, it’s so versatile.” He spooned up the sauce, “Here, try some.” He offered the spoon then hesitated, not sure if a man like Judd would allow another man to feed him. Judd surprised him again by leaning in and tasting it.

“Oh, that is good. It tastes creamy but I can also taste the roasted peppers. How did you make it creamy?” Judd asked curiously.

“Cashews. I put some in warm water to soften them then blended it with the sauce. It makes the sauce creamy without needing to add any dairy or cheese.” TK leaned against the counter, “There’s enough sauce for all of us if you and Grace would like to eat this too,” he offered.

“You sure? I invited you over to dinner and here you want to feed us.”

TK smiled and clapped Judd’s arm, “It gives me the opportunity to return the love. You had a baby at home and still made sure I was eating right when I came home from the hospital.”

“Yeah, well, I know how Owen eats with all the rabbit food. I didn’t want him feeding you cucumbers and kale when what you needed was hearty food,” Judd grumbled.

TK laughed and took the box of pasta, adding double the amount into the boiling water, “And I love you for that. His green juices leave a lot to be desired.”

Judd laughed, “You love your green juices, you New Yorker.”

“I do! When I make it myself. I hate my father’s version.”

TK enjoyed the comfortable chit-chat Judd and he indulged in with Charlotte sitting in her little playpen playing.

“You want to talk about anything?” Judd asked gently.

TK shook his head as he drained the pasta and mixed it into the sauce, “Not even a little bit. I just,” he sighed, “I want a break from it all.”

“Got it.”

A knock on the door sounded. “And there’s your distraction,” Judd said and set off to answer the door.

TK heard the soft buzz of conversation before Judd reappeared with his son Wyatt by his side.

“Hey, TK, Judd says you’re the cause of the kitchen smelling amazing!”

TK smiled, “Hey Wyatt. Aww, well, thank you. It just needs to simmer now while Judd makes the salad and garlic bread.”

“I’ll work on that so that we’re ready to eat as soon as Gracie gets home,” Judd said. “Help yourself to a drink, Wyatt. I got that Apple soda you like.”

“Oh, thanks!”

TK peered in at Charlotte who had fallen asleep. He moved closer to Judd, “Hey, Char’s fallen asleep. Is she okay to be in the playpen or should I move her to her room?”

“Ah, no, she can stay there. We’re now trying to see if she’ll nap with us in the room. We have to be normal but not shouty loud.”

“Shouty?” TK and Wyatt asked in unison.

Judd narrowed his eyes at them, “It’s a word!”

TK grinned as Wyatt laughed. They took seats at the counter and watched Judd work on the garlic butter.

“So, Wyatt, what’s new? How’s college?” Judd asked.

“Good, it’s good,” Wyatt said and took a sip of his drink.

“Are you enjoying your classes?”

“I am!” Wyatt smiled.

Judd glanced at TK which he took as a sign for help. He smiled at Wyatt, “Are you dating anyone?”

“Uh, yeah, I am.”

“Do you want to tell us more about them?” TK asked easily.

“Her name is Leigh-Ann, we’ve been dating for a few weeks now and enjoy spending time together,” Wyatt said happily.

TK smiled, “That’s lovely. Does she have the same classes as you?”

“Oh no, she’s studying to be a teacher. I love that about her, wanting to educate young minds,” Wyatt said with a soft smile.

“Maybe you could bring her by to meet us sometime soon,” Judd suggested. “If you think that’s something you’d like to do,” he tacked on quickly.

Wyatt brightened up, “Really? I’d love that. I’ve told her all about you and Grace and Charlotte.”

Judd nodded, “We’ll fix up a nice brunch to meet your girl.”

Wyatt nodded with a grin. He stood up, “Be right back, bathroom,” and walked away.

TK looked at Judd and waited until Wyatt was out of the room. “Why are you so unsure around him?”

“I don’t know!” Judd said softly. “He’s my son, I want to be friends with him, but then he says things like he has a girlfriend and I wonder if I should be more parental and make sure he’s having safe sex.”

TK blinked, “Well, first, I think you’re doing a good job. He comes to meet you guys regularly which means he wants to be here. Teenagers making the time to see their parents means they like being around them. Second, do you think his mom didn’t give him the sex talk? And third, I think a blend of the friend and parent approach works great. That’s what Enzo did with me. It worked better than friend Owen.”

“Well Wyatt’s mother is great but I don’t know if mothers give boys the proper sex talk you know?” Judd said. “Who gave you your sex talk?”

TK rolled his eyes and sighed, “Enzo, my mom, dad, my uncle, my cousin.”

Judd sighed, “New Yorkers.”

“New Yorkers?” Wyatt asked as he rejoined them.

Judd glanced at TK who nodded and smiled encouragingly.

“Ah, I hope I’m not overstepping but I wanted to be sure, you know since you’re dating and all, that you’re having safe sex,” Judd said slowly.

Wyatt blushed, “Um,” he paused and swallowed hard.

TK felt for the kid and bit back what he wanted to say, that sex was natural and he should not be embarrassed to discuss safe sex. ‘If you’re embarrassed to talk about it, you shouldn’t be having it,’ his mom’s words came to mind which he shoved away. Now was not the time.

“Leigh-Ann’s on the pill,” Wyatt mumbled.

Judd nodded and glanced at TK who shook his head.

Judd frowned and mouthed, What?

TK bit back a sigh and mouthed, Condoms.

“You guys know I can see you right?” Wyatt asked.

TK held up his hands, “Sorry, Wyatt, I didn’t mean to interfere.”

“Nah, it’s okay. Tell me what you need to say that Judd’s clearly not picking up on,” Wyatt teased. “He basically treats you like his little brother which kinda makes you my uncle.”

TK laughed and glanced at Judd who nodded. “Well, I was wondering about condoms. Do you not use any?”

“Oh, no, ’cause Leigh-Ann is on the pill and said we didn’t have to use any,” Wyatt rubbed his hair, clearly embarrassed by the conversation.

TK hated putting him on the spot but was alarmed enough to keep at it, “Safe sex by way of contraceptives is to reduce the risk of acquiring or transmitting sexually transmitted infections. STDs. Contraceptives also reduce the risk of unplanned pregnancies.”

“But she said she was on the pill. Shouldn’t I trust her with that?” Wyatt asked confused. “She wouldn’t lie to me.”

TK refrained from glancing at Judd and continued, “I’m not saying she’d lie to you, I’m not saying that at all. However, the pill is not a hundred percent effective against pregnancy. Neither are condoms. But condoms offer an added layer of protection and are safer all around. Leigh-Ann being on the pill protects her from pregnancy. You using a condom keeps you both as safe as can be.”

Wyatt frowned but seemed to be thinking it over. “Do you use condoms?” he asked finally. “You’re engaged, right?”

TK flinched and licked his lips. “I do use condoms. Always. And I’m not engaged anymore.”

“Oh my god, I am SO sorry!” Wyatt said quickly.

TK nodded, “It’s okay, you didn’t know.”

“Are you okay?” Wyatt asked concerned.

TK smiled, “I’m…” he trailed off and shrugged, “sad, but okay.”

“Well if you need a ear you can text me. You’ve been so nice to me, making yourself available to me, I’m here for you too.”

“That’s so sweet of you, Wyatt, thank you.”

“My boys,” Judd said proudly.

TK and Wyatt looked at Judd, then at each other, and started laughing.

Day 19

The next morning TK felt more at ease as he walked into work with Judd. He chatted with a few people as he stored his belongings, then grabbed his bottle of water and got started on his shift chores.

“Sup, dude?” Nancy asked sometime later as she joined him.

“Hey, Nancy,” TK said with a small smile.

“How’s Carlos? Is he okay to be home alone?” She asked concerned.

TK hesitated then decided to just be honest. “He’s doing better. His parents took him home to recuperate so he’s not alone.”

“Aww, bud, I’m sorry.”

TK smiled at her, “Thanks. And it’s really okay. I’m sure his mom is indulging him with his favorite foods. He deserves to have their care.”

“We can have a welcome home party for him,” Nancy said happily.

“Uh, maybe not,” TK said with an awkward laugh. “I think it’s better to let him come home and rest and then we can see how it goes rather than overwhelm him with a party right away.”

“You’re right. Of course, you’re right. But soon! We haven’t all gotten together in some time.”

TK nodded and turned back to his work, wanting this conversation to end.

“Have you given any more consideration to venues? Cause you know, the Ryder’s friends have a beautiful ranch. You could get married there in winter. It would be beautiful. I’m sure Grace would have amazing ideas for the best spots too.”

TK winced internally, not appreciating this topic change at all. He did not want to talk about the wedding and he did not want to discuss Grace with Nancy. She did not know where TK’s relationship stood with Grace and had continued assuming they had not sat down and cleared the air after TK had sided with Judd over a fight they had had over her refusing to talk about Judd having caught her father cheating. They had fought again when Grace had gotten upset with Judd over Wyatt and had then tried to force the relationship by ngiving Judd any time to process it and figure out how he wanted to go about it. For TK it had been a no-brainer. Judd was his brother and he was always going to have his back. But he loved Grace because of Judd and they had both worked hard to build a relationship between them. One he was glad was going well since she had truly been there for him through this entire mess of Carlos’ secret.

“I know, I know, TK,” Nancy said soothingly. “But if you’d just apologize to Grace everything would be okay. You know she won’t hold a grudge and will forgive you.”

“I didn’t do anything wrong, Nancy. And respectfully, this doesn’t concern you,” TK said politely.

“TK,” Nancy admonished, “you did turn Judd against her. They had that big fight because of you.”

TK kept silent and refused to explain himself to her. Grace and he had worked things out and that’s all that mattered to him.

“You still shouldn’t have interfered, bud,” Nancy said after the silence had gone on long enough to be awkward.

“Thanks for your opinion. I disagree,” TK said politely.

“But,” Nancy began.

“Nancy, we’re at work. Can we drop this now? It’s been a stressful week for me. I need to just focus on work when I’m at work, okay?” TK’s voice was firm and flat.

“Okay,” Nancy said in a small voice. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, hey,” Mateo said playfully as he walked up to them having heard the end of the conversation, “you hurting my girl’s feelings, TK? Don’t make me whoop your ass.”

TK looked at Mateo, “Try me,” he said blandly.

“Hey!” Mateo pouted, “I was just joking.”

“Don’t joke about being violent then,” TK muttered and carried on with his work.

“What crawled up your ass, man? You’ve been in a mood for days,” Mateo complained.

“Maybe it’s what hasn’t crawled up his ass,” Nancy snickered to her boyfriend.

Mateo howled as if Nancy had cracked the funniest joke he had ever heard.

Before TK could lose his temper, a loud ‘hey’ cut across the chatter on the floor.

“Shift has officially begun. Get to work!” Judd boomed out. “Chavez, that means you quit yappin’ with your girlfriend and passing dumbass remarks to protect her feelings by picking fights with Tommy’s crew and get to your chores!”

TK felt some satisfaction at seeing Mateo scurry off. Thankfully, everyone left him alone for the rest of the day.

Day 20

The next morning, TK spent his free time at work holed up in the corner pondering the hot mess comment again. Was that why Carlos was with him? Cause he liked to fix things? What would happen if Carlos ran out of things to fix about TK? Or got tired of fixing him?

What were these flaws Iris and Carlos found in him that required fixing while they conveniently ignored their own flaws?

“You ready to talk yet?”

TK focused on Judd standing in front of him.

“You’ve been stewing over something for days now and I’ve let it go. I’m worried, TK.”

TK sighed and nodded. “Carlos’ friend said something that’s got me thinking.” When Judd just crossed his arms over his chest and looked expectantly at him, he ran his hand over his face and sat up, “She said that I’m a hot mess.”

“Just so I’m not confused by you young people speak, tell me what hot mess means.”

At TK’s raised eyebrows Judd held up his hands, “Yesterday Wyatt said something ate,” he paused and tilted his head, “he ate something and left no crumbs but it meant something else. I didn’t get it but you started laughing.” He waved his hand, “I ain’t taking no risks here, TK.”

TK could not help but laugh, “Well, Wyatt’s a whole generation behind me so you’re safe from that kinda talk.” He ran his fingers through his hair, “Hot mess means when someone’s thoughts or appearance are in a state of disarray but they maintain an undeniable attractiveness or beauty.”

Judd made an unimpressed face and sat down. “What did Carlos say when his friend paid you this disrespect?”

TK made a face, “He said I am a hot mess but that I’m his hot mess.”

Judd whistled, “Hot damn, has that boy taken leave of his senses?”

“You see it too, right? I’m not building it up and overthinking that such a thing is not okay?”

“It is definitely not okay. TK you are not a mess, hot, tepid, or cold. You work hard on yourself every single day,” Judd said firmly. He lowered his voice and muttered softly, “Reyes is one to talk after the stunt he pulled with the apartment and now with this giant ass secret.”

TK met Judd’s eyes and nodded. Carlos surprising him with the apartment was not something he had shared with anyone but Judd and Grace, Gwyneth and Enzo, and his therapist. More recently he had finally shared it with his friend Kyle, who lawyer back in New York. “Thanks, Judd. It got me thinking,” he paused and licked his lips, “I don’t want to be somebody’s project.”

“What does that mean?” Judd asked.

“Some people are attracted to a hot mess with the hopes of fixing them. What I’m thinking is, what if that’s why Carlos is with me? Cause I’m someone broken he can fix? What if down the line he starts to resent me for either being unable to fix me or fixing me and then not liking who I am?”

“That is entirely possible. I want to say Carlos isn’t like that but I also wouldn’t have ever thought he’d call you a hot mess. Or the other secret.” He looked at TK, “You know that after all he’s done, with the most recent revelation, having doubts is entirely normal? If you weren’t having doubts, I’d be very worried right now.”

TK nodded and sighed, “It’s something else that has led to this.” He looked around. “It’s not something I want to discuss here.”

“Then you and I, mini Strand, need to have a talk after shift, okay? Pancakes at that fancy spot?” Judd suggested.

“You just want pancakes and truffle fries,” TK teased, relieved that Judd was always in his corner.

Judd smiled, “I want pancakes and fancy fries with you cause they aren’t the same without you.”

TK smiled back, “Deal.”

—

A few hours later TK and Judd settled down at what Judd referred to as ‘the fancy cafe’. TK looked around and smiled. His first year in Austin, TK had invited Judd out to brunch to hash out their differences. Judd had been apprehensive over the fancy spot but had reluctantly given in. They had become friends over Belgian chocolate pancakes and truffle fries. Soon it had become their spot and the place they went to when they needed a ear from the other. Most recently they had been there when the whole Wyatt situation had come to light.

After they had ordered, Judd looked at TK. “Get started, kid.”

TK decided to just say it. “Carlos’ friend, his WIFE,” he made a face, “came to dinner the other night. She invited herself and said she had to meet me before she consented to the divorce.” He met Judd’s eyes, “She was… whatever. Rude, in my opinion. But she said I was exactly what she expected.”

Judd pulled his head back in surprise, “Well, that’s not something you want to hear.”

“Nope.” TK sighed, “And it got worse when I went to meet her and asked her what she meant.” He recounted the conversation verbatim to Judd who whistled softly.

“Dear Lord, who says such things?” Judd took a sip of his tea. “Did you talk to Carlos about it? Cause I gotta tell ya, TK, his old friend,“ he made a face at that too, “his wife, comparing you and herself to a bird with a broken wing, a fixer-upper, TRAGIC? Well, it ain’t good.”

TK winced, “I did talk to him a bit. He did confirm that he thought I was a hot mess but that I’m his hot mess.”

“Is that supposed to make it better?” Judd asked aghast.

TK shrugged, “I don’t understand it. I’m not a hot mess. I’m not a project. I don’t want to BE someone’s project, Judd. What happens when he runs out of things he thinks he needs to fix? Or gets fed up of fixing me? What is this meant to do to my self-esteem? That my fiancé,” he shook his head, “my boyfriend,” he blew out a frustrated breath, “my undefined, thinks I’m a hot mess while he has no flaws?” He ran a hand through his hair and tugged on it in frustration.

“You are NOT a hot mess, Tyler-Kennedy Strand,” Judd said firmly. “Boy, I have known you from when you came here spitting for a fight. I’ve seen you handle your daddy acting like a grade-A jackass. I’ve seen you deal with your momma just expecting you to get over her breakup with a man you consider your daddy. I’ve seen you be the young man with the little boy inside whose heart was breaking as your parents fought and made up and fought like high schoolers while also dealing with a worldwide pandemic. I’ve seen you watch your momma leave again, how you swallowed your hurt and wished her well.”

He softened, “I’ve seen you lose your home and deal with it bravely while being there for your man. I’ve seen you walk away from the man you love because he overstepped in a colossal manner. I’ve seen you forgive your daddy for hurting your feelings over and over again.”

His tone gentled further, “I’ve seen you bruised when your daddy’s foolishness and a woman’s hatred stole your sobriety from you. I’ve seen you break when your mama was taken from this world too soon. I’ve seen you build yourself back up over and over again when life knocks you over.” He smiled gently, “TK, you’re the man who came over at 2 am when I called you in a panic to sit in my daughter’s room and help me paint. You’re the one who helped Gracie draw the cute little animals and fluffy clouds Grace wanted for Charlotte’s room. Heck, you’re the one who convinced us not to name our daughter after our late friend. That she deserved her own identity. It hurt to hear it but we’re glad you felt strongly enough to explain your feelings to us, to share the story of Tyler and Kennedy with us.” He sighed and shook his head, “You are a strong, healthy, good, kind man, TK. I know you love Carlos but if he doesn’t see you for who you are, then there is something not right there.”

TK dug his teeth into his lower lip and blinked rapidly to keep the tears at bay. “Damn you, Judd,” he hitched a breath and covered his mouth. “You can’t say such nice things to me. You know I’m a crier.”

Judd smiled and patted TK’s other hand that was fisted on the table, “I sure can and you can’t stop me. And I will keep saying it until you never question yourself on this again. I love you, brother.”

TK nodded and wiped his eyes. “I love you too even though you’re horrible to me,” TK sniffed.

Judd laughed, “That’s what big brothers do, man. Now eat your pancakes.” He nodded his head as their server brought their order to the table.

—

If TK were being entirely honest with himself, he would admit that he was surprised by Carlos’ silence.

He prided himself on not lying to himself anymore. He had worked too hard, had just enough therapy, and owed himself and Gwyn and Enzo who had been with him through this, his honesty. His mom may not have always been there for him but she had shoved him into therapy when he was a young boy which had done wonders for his sense of self and his overall relationship with himself. She had also always paid for his therapy so he had never had to deny his mental health needs if he could not afford it to pay for it himself.

So as he drove home, he easily admitted to himself that he was confused by how Carlos had pulled back from him. TK texted him over the past two days to ask after him and check if he needed anything. Carlos would reply, and that was it. Carlos had not been asking him how he was either which had TK confused. He had chosen to stay on at his parent’s house as well. Had Carlos decided they were done?

Riding up in the elevator, TK was surprised at the apathy he felt over it. This was not him. He felt things. Deeply. Strongly. Terribly. But Carlos was the one who had ruined everything. TK was not at fault this time. Wouldn’t it be nice if Carlos broke up with him and everyone made Carlos the bad guy while showering TK with support? When they eventually found their way back together, TK would then be able to set better ground rules for their relationship this time around.

He wanted to feel ashamed for the petty direction his thoughts had taken him in but found that he couldn’t. Most of their friends had treated TK like the bad guy when TK had broken up with Carlos. They had not even cared that he had had a valid reason to be upset with what Carlos had done. The man had added his name to property when he couldn’t afford it. He had done so without TK’s permission. Made a decision about TK’s financial future without his consent. Carlos at that point, intent on his power romantic move, had not cared that it wasn’t something TK had agreed to. But TK saw it as a power move his mom and Carlos himself, saw as romantic. TK had not wanted to spread the state of his finances around and had kept quiet about the reason for their break up. Would having swallowed his pride and told their friends what Carlos had done made a difference? Or would they have been on Carlos’ side that it was a romantic move and TK should just suck it up and appreciate it?

Even after moving TK in, Carlos hadn’t cared to discuss it or accept rent from him. So TK had been setting rent aside to offer to Carlos at some point in their future once he had enough saved up to pay for his share of the apartment.

TK rubbed his head. One thing was for certain, he was tired of being the sweet, soft, agreeable TK that people in Austin had met. He had been slowly returning to the confident person he had been before he had allowed his embarrassment and sadness over Alex to fuck up his life and retreated into his timid, hurt little boy personality. He winced, a personality that Carlos apparently liked as a bird with a broken wing fixer-upper. He shook his head, he was done letting other people walk all over him and treat him as less than he deserved.

Unlocking his apartment door, he was shocked when it barely moved as he tried to slide it open. “What the fuck?” He said out loud as he tugged aggressively on it a couple of times. He was freaking out and ready to call 9-1-1 when he heard laughter from inside.

“Hang on!”

TK took a step back and waited. That was a woman’s voice!

“What did you do?” he heard Carlos ask from inside.

TK raised an eyebrow when Iris Blake pulled the door open with a smile.

“I bolted it shut by mistake. Sorry!”

It didn’t escape TK’s notice that Iris was not apologizing to him. She had apologized over her shoulder to Carlos who was seated on the couch. With Michelle Blake.

He shut the door as Iris walked away without a word to him. He left his bag by the kitchen and strolled over to the couch.

“Hey, TK,” Michelle Blake sing-songed in her whispery voice. He found her pretense of being a vulnerable woman to be ridiculous.

He nodded at Michelle and smiled slightly at Carlos. “Hey. When did you get home?”

“Hey,” Carlos replied warmly. “Michelle was picking Iris up and offered me a ride home.”

TK looked at the detritus of a takeout meal on the table. He decided against saying anything else with their audience around and just smiled and nodded as he moved to the kitchen to go through his post-shift routine.

He kept one ear on their chatter as he moved toward the utility area where he stopped when he saw a load in the dryer and his hamper empty. What the fuck? He mouthed to himself.

“Did you run a load of my laundry, Carlos?” He asked as he moved back to the couch. His hamper hadn’t even been full and Carlos knew how particular he was about his laundry.

Carlos opened his mouth but Michelle beat him to it. “Oh, that was me, TK. I got into town today and decided to get my laundry done since we were spending the afternoon here. I noticed the hamper had a few clothes and decided to be nice and add them to mine,” she finished off with a sweet smile.

He wondered if it was the same kind of sweet smile she used to give people after she would get in trouble for harassing Dustin Shepard, Iris’ ex-boyfriend. He looked at Carlos and raised an eyebrow who quickly straightened up.

“Michelle, you should have asked me! TK doesn’t like mixing his laundry with other people,” Carlos scolded her.

TK was pissed that it took TK looking to Carlos for a reaction for him to react.

Michelle raised a shoulder in a shrug, “How was I supposed to know, Carlos? I just thought I was doing something nice.”

Her tone was completely condescending but he could see Carlos falling for it.

“It was a mistake, TK,” Carlos said gently.

“Less of a mistake, more of a lack of manners to make decisions in my home, about my laundry, just because she felt like being nice,” TK said bluntly. He began to turn away.

“Not really your home though, is it?” Iris asked.

TK stopped and slowly turned his head to look at her even as Carlos snapped harshly, “Iris!”

All TK now wanted to know was if Andrea had told Iris or if Carlos, within days of reuniting with his wife, trusted her so much he had filled her in on their finances.

“What? Carlos, I’m just stating facts,” Iris protested.

TK just nodded and smiled sweetly at Iris, “You of all people should know just how generous Carlos can be. After all, he’s the reason you had health insurance when your family just left you to go out and live on the street. And he protected your sister each time she broke the law and stalked, harassed, and abused your ex-boyfriend.” He shrugged, “At least I didn’t thank him for being so kind and helping me in my time of need by ignoring him for years like you did when you were back on your feet.” He lifted his chin challengingly when she jerked back against the couch before leaping to her feet.

“How dare you!” Iris hissed. “Carlos is my friend!”

“So you say.”

Carlos stepped between them, “Please stop this. Both of you.”

TK lifted his shoulder in a negligent shrug just like he’d learned from his mom, “Gladly.” He walked away to the dryer and stopped it mid-cycle. Yanking out all the wet laundry onto the floor, he began tugging out his own clothes.

“TK! What are you doing?” Michelle asked.

If TK were in the mood to be amused he would have laughed at how quickly he had caused her to break her whispered ‘I’m so vulnerable’ tone to raise her voice in anger at him. But he wasn’t. He was in a vicious mood at having his boundaries stomped on in his own home.

“TK! I asked you a question!” Michelle said, her voice louder as she came closer.

“Michelle, please calm down,” Carlos pleaded.

TK’s eyebrows flew sky-high at Carlos’ tone. He put his damp clothes into the basket they kept for dry clothes and left her damp ones on the floor. If Enzo could see him now he would be appalled at his behavior. If his mother could see him now she would have hugged him for being petty. For now, he’d just channel being his mother’s son. He stood up to find Michelle standing close, hands on her hips glaring at him.

He waved his hand at the floor, “You can now finish your laundry. I fixed my issue.” Picking up the basket he began walking away.

“This is what I get for doing him a good deed, Carlos?” Michelle asked loudly.

TK was now smiling at getting her to completely step out of her sweet soft shrew persona to show off the louder shrew under it. “You know what they say,” he said loudly without turning around, “no good deed goes unpunished!”

He went into the bedroom and shut the door. He had had his fill of Carlos’s wife and his in-laws. He closed his eyes as he slumped on the bed, then stared unseeing at the basket he had set down at his feet. “My former fiancé, current roommate, his wife, and his sister-in-law. Next, someone’s going to jump out of the fucking bushes and tell me I’ve been punked,” he muttered to himself.

TK was aware that Carlos and the Blakes had a loud enough conversation that was muffled through the bedroom doors which made him think that they had it by the front door and which went on longer than TK expected before they left.

“What was that?”

TK looked up at the soft voice and replied equally softly, “I don’t know, you tell me.”

“You were rude to my friends, TK. Guests in our home.”

TK wondered if Carlos realized he sounded like he was unconvinced about the words coming out of his mouth.

“Your guests in our home, your friends, took the liberty of locking me out of my home, behaved in an entitled fashion, touched my belongings, and were rude to me.” TK was determined to maintain a soft and calm tone throughout this. He knew at this point in his life it would be very easy to keep reacting but he had to maintain control in order to respond versus react if he hoped to save his life in Austin from imploding.

“Iris made a mistake with the lock. I told you she wasn’t feeling safe after everything that happened,” Carlos protested. “And Michelle really was just trying to be nice. Yes, she should have asked, but TK, it was just a mistake.”

“Michelle’s behavior was entitled and not like a guest should behave, that’s all I’ll say about that. Iris wasn’t feeling safe in here with you and her sister?” TK asked. When Carlos didn’t say anything TK continued, “You told Iris, your legal wife, who you’ve been estranged from for over five years, about my finances.”

“They’re my friends, TK. We were just catching up,” Carlos murmured. “I’m allowed to tell them about my life and this apartment is mine too.”

TK appreciated that Carlos continued referring to it as their apartment. This would have been the ideal time to get petty about it and refer to it as his if he had wanted to.

But TK could not let this go. “Carlos, I didn’t want this to begin with,” TK said softly and waved his hand around to indicate the apartment, “because I couldn’t afford it. You railroaded me by putting my name down on it. You moved me in. You refuse to accept rent from me. As a consequence, in twice as many days it has been pointed out to me that this is your home, not mine. Do you think I deserved to hear that from your mother and your wife?”

“Mom’s just upset, TK. I’ll talk to her. She can’t speak to you like this! I told her that I trust you completely around my pills and if you couldn’t handle it you know yourself well enough to tell me.”

TK felt a ray of warmth infuse him at that. Carlos knew how hard he worked on a daily basis to maintain his sobriety. His next words chased all the warmth away and left TK cold again.

“Iris,” Carlos sighed and trailed off shaking his head. “TK, it’s her meds. I told you that. It makes her very blunt. She didn’t mean it like that.”

TK mentally counted to five before responding, “Who gave you this medication excuse? I told you already, that you’re doing a disservice to every person who goes through life while medicated without using it and their condition as an excuse for turning them into rude people. If Iris is having problems with her meds she needs to speak to her psychiatrist to adjust her dosage or change her medication.” TK wanted to give himself a medal for maintaining his demeanor. He decided to do it and gave himself a mental gold star.

Carlos’ mouth dropped open. “Iris is, she’s not, she’s fine!” He squeezed his eyes shut, “Baby, all I wanted to do when I got home was to spend time with you. I-I didn’t invite them to join me. But they asked and I couldn’t say no.” He opened his eyes and stared at TK, “I couldn’t say no to them, TK.”

TK felt sucked in by those warm brown eyes until all he wanted to do was gather Carlos up into a hug and hold him close. He had nearly lost him. What was he doing keeping this distance between them? But how could he not feel dirty about loving a married man? A man who had betrayed him?

He promised himself it was only for today. He would not do this again. He could not allow himself or Carlos the comfort and physical reassurance.

He stood up and carefully tugged Carlos into his arms, rocking him gently as Carlos sagged and folded himself in to hide his face against TK’s neck. Only for today, he promised himself again. For today, TK would be what Carlos needed.

Day 21

After TK had spent some time soothing Carlos yesterday they had spent the rest of the day peacefully watching TV and just being alive together.

He made the couch and folded away the sheets he had used. He had not intended to sleep on the couch again figuring they were mature enough to share the bed but the way Carlos and he had argued yesterday, the things Carlos had said to him, had been the limit of what he could handle. And he still felt uncomfortable over the idea of sleeping beside Carlos with their relationship in limbo the way it was.

He made a face at the couch, he had not wanted to sleep there either because Iris and Michelle had sat there but he had realized his immaturity in that and sucked it up. He had no place else to go and unless he wanted to sleep on the floor, the couch was it.

He looked at the bedroom doors that were open and saw Carlos peacefully asleep in bed. He moved away to the linen closet beside the bathroom where he put the sheets and pillow away then went into the bathroom to take a shower. He did not know what this day would bring but he wanted to be ready for it.

It was only when he was done that he realized he had forgotten to bring any clothes in with him. It was not something he had ever done before. They usually just wandered out wrapped in a towel but the idea of doing that now, when he knew he had intimately shared his body with someone who had been lying to him, sent a cold chill over him.

He stared at himself in the mirror. He looked small, tired, and scared. He hated it. This is not you, Tyler-Kennedy Strand, get a hold of yourself, straighten those shoulders, and walk out to your bedroom. Okay, he could do this. He forced himself to straighten his shoulders and adopt a proper posture. No slouching. He could do this. He had done nothing wrong. He was the injured party in this. You’re the victim. He shoved that thought away and walked out. He could not be the victim again. Please. He was tired of always being the damn victim.

Securing the towel around his waist, he took a few deep breaths and walked out of the bathroom and around to the bedroom to find Carlos sitting up in bed. He nodded at him and went over to his closet.

“How are you feeling?” he asked carefully. No matter what, Carlos had been through an ordeal and he would be nice about it.

“I’m okay,” Carlos said.

TK grabbed his clothes, glanced at Carlos to see if he wanted to go to the bathroom, and went back in to change. Once changed, he hung up his towel to dry and went back out.

“Would you like truffle eggs and bagels for breakfast?” he asked politely.

Carlos perked up, “With a little hot sauce?”

TK smiled reluctantly, “With a little truffle hot sauce. Or a lot in your case. I ordered a new bottle.”

Carlos smiled warmly, “Thank you, baby.”

TK nodded and made his way to the kitchen to get started on breakfast. He was pulling the bagels out of the toaster and the eggs were almost done when Carlos came to the kitchen.

“Can I help?” Carlos asked.

“Sit, I’m nearly done.”

He spread butter on the bagels, and spooned half the portion of eggs onto a plate, then set it in front of Carlos.

“This smells so good.”

TK smiled from where he was making two cups of coffee, “Good. Eat.” He set their coffees down on the table and sat down to eat.

They paused as there was a knock at the door at the same time as TK’s phone rang.

“I’ll get the door,” Carlos said.

TK nodded and went to grab his phone from the coffee table. He smiled when he saw Enzo calling and answered the call.

“Good morning, Zo. How are you?”

“…Bah!…”

TK blinked and looked at the screen before holding it back up to his ear, “Hello?”

“Pa Pa Pa Pa Pa!”

TK laughed, “Jonah! Is that you sweet boy?”

“Bah!”

“Did you take Papa’s phone, J? And learn how to use it all by yourself?” TK found this hilarious and wondered where Enzo was.

“Ta! Ta, Ta, Ta come!”

“Ta will come soon! Where’s dada, Jonah? Where’s dada?” He ignored the murmured voices he could hear behind him and focused on his baby brother who had called him all by himself.

“Papa, papa!”

“Yes, papa, where’s papa, Jonah?” TK heard a bunch of tones and figured Jonah was enjoying tapping all the buttons.

“Jonah! Give me back my phone, darling boy.”

TK laughed as he heard Jonah screech, his brother was a noisy little toddler before Enzo came on the line.

“TK! I am so sorry, sweetheart! I was on the landline and this little guy took my phone off the table.”

“No problem,” TK said with a laugh. “How did he unlock your phone?”

“That is a good question,” Enzo murmured.

“Uh oh, you need to change your passcode and maybe get facial recognition going.”

Enzo sighed, “I do, I do. I hope he didn’t disturb your morning.”

“He could never,” TK promised. He turned intending to join Carlos at the table but paused at the sight of Iris Blake sitting opposite Carlos at the breakfast bar. In TK’s spot. “I do have to go though,” he said softly. “We’ll talk tomorrow?”

“Sounds good. Love you, Ty.”

TK smiled, “Love you, Zo. And a big love you and kiss to J who is now making phone calls all by himself!”

Enzo laughed, “I’ll pass it along. He sends drooly kisses too.”

TK ended the call and walked back to the table. He slowed down when he realized that not only was Iris sitting in his seat, she had helped herself to some of his breakfast.

“Uh, Iris was hungry. Sit, TK, I’ll make you some more,” Carlos said and started to stand up.

TK held up his hand, “Don’t worry about it, Carlos, you sit and eat. I wasn’t very hungry anyway.”

“Oh, sorry,” Iris said. “Here, you can have half the bagel. I didn’t want the whole thing anyway,” she offered and held out the plate toward him.

He saw she had eaten most of the eggs. “No, thank you.”

“I really don’t want the rest. I didn’t like how the eggs tasted.”

“Iris!” Carlos said.

“What? They tasted funny.”

“That would be the truffle salt and truffle hot sauce,” TK said easily as he moved to the fridge and grabbed an apple.

Iris made a face, “That’s weird.”

“Well I like it,” Carlos said firmly.

“Really?” Iris asked. “You didn’t use to like weird new flavors.”

“TK introduced me to it and I love it,” Carlos smiled at TK.

TK wanted to be pleased, he wanted to smile back, but all he could focus on was that Carlos’ wife had helped herself to his food and Carlos had not stopped her. He took his apple and went to the living room.

“Well I offered for him to eat the rest,” Iris said loud enough for TK to hear.

“I told you that was TK’s plate,” Carlos said more softly.

When Iris did not reply, TK just nodded and bit into his apple. He raised an eyebrow at Carlos when he and Iris sat beside each other on the couch. TK was glad he had picked the armchair.

“Ah,” Carlos began, “Michelle has to be out for several hours for work, and Mrs. Blake —”

“Theresa,” Iris interrupted him with a fond smile, “you know you can call her Theresa.”

Carlos smiled tightly, “Theresa is out of town visiting her sister. Iris didn’t want to be alone so she’s spending a few hours here until Michelle gets home.”

TK nodded slowly as he chewed. He had made his feelings perfectly clear from the first time Iris had come over that he had wanted it to be the last time. Yet here she was, again, in his home. They had just argued about this yesterday!

If this is Carlos’ apartment and not mine, is it still my home? The thought entered unbidden into TK’s mind and it was difficult not to acknowledge it. If he were paying rent here he would have been allowed to make the rules too and Carlos would have to go along with it. But he was not. And with each instance of Carlos picking his friend, and his wife over him in here, TK felt the point would continue being driven home that it was not his home. Just how low was his self-esteem that he would sit around waiting for that day? TK swallowed hard, the two bites of the apple he had eaten wanting to make its way back up. He had to get out of here.

He stood up and went to the kitchen where he sliced up the rest of the apple and put it into a box. He hesitated then decided to take it with him. He would make himself eat it later. Pulling a smaller box out of the neat stack in the drawer, he opened his snack cabinet took out two of the Pignoli cookies his nonna Gia had sent him, and packed it away. He put the box back into place and patted it fondly. He would take some of his family’s love along with him for the day. After filling his bottle with water, he grabbed his bag, loaded his things in, and headed to the bedroom to grab his iPad that had been charging.

Glancing at himself in the mirror, he decided his t-shirt and shorts were neat enough to step out in and grabbed a thin zip-up hoodie just in case.

“Are you going somewhere?”

TK looked up from where he was sitting on the bed putting his socks on to see Carlos hovering by the bedroom doors. “Yup.”

Carlos came forward and lowered his voice, “TK, you don’t have to leave.”

“Your…,” he paused deliberately, he wanted to say wife but decided not to be a dick right now by throwing it in Carlos’ face, “wants to spend time with you and you with her. I’ll just get out of your space.”

“TK, this is your space as well,” Carlos said urgently. “I didn’t know she was coming over,” he whispered.

“Are you going to ask her to leave?” TK refused to whisper and spoke in a normal tone.

“TK,” Carlos came closer, “I can’t just ask her to leave.”

TK stood up, picked up his bag, and moved around Carlos to the front door to put his shoes on.

“TK, please! Let’s talk about this,” Carlos pleaded as he followed him.

“Talk about what, Carlos?” TK asked woodenly. “You and your,” he shrugged, “want to spend the day together. Do you really expect me to sit around like a third wheel and intrude on that?”

Carlos grabbed his arm gently, “You wouldn’t be a third wheel,” he assured him. “Just stay here and you can get to know Iris. I would really like for you guys to be friends.”

TK blinked at Carlos and wondered if he had really lost his mind. Truly if the stress of it all had not broken something inside him. “You want me and your wife to be friends,” he stated.

“Babe, I want her to get to know the wonderful man that I love. And for you to get to know my best friend,” Carlos pleaded.

He came to the conclusion that his mind was fine and Carlos was the one who had lost his damn mind. “That’s not happening. That will never happen as long as she’s your wife. It’s weirding me out,” TK said honestly. “I’ll get out of your space.”

As he walked out he was aware of Carlos standing at the door watching him. At that moment, TK had no regrets.

—

Twelve hours later TK let himself into the apartment. Carlos had texted him at three and let him know that Iris had left. But he had decided against returning and continued sitting in the park he had retreated to. When he had set out earlier that day he had gone to their favorite cafe that was just a couple of blocks away. But the thought of the team there asking him about Carlos or worse having found out that he was married had made him nauseous. He had walked to the park instead and spent the day stretched out reading under a tree.

He saw the faint glow of the bedroom light as he went into the kitchen and unloaded his bag.

“Hey.”

TK glanced at Carlos hovering close by, “Hey.”

“I’m so sorry,” Carlos said softly.

TK shrugged. He felt mean for not giving Carlos the forgiveness he clearly desired but he wondered what Carlos wanted him to say.

“Can we please talk?”

“I’m tired,” TK admitted. “I just want to sleep.”

“Have you eaten? I can make you a sandwich?” Carlos offered.

“I’m not hungry, but thank you,” TK tried to smile but knew it fell flat. He moved past him and went to the bathroom for a quick shower.

He came out dressed for bed and grabbed the sheets and pillow from the linen closet to make up the couch.

“TK, please sleep in the bed. I’ll take the couch if you insist on us sleeping apart,” Carlos said.

TK shook his head, “The couch is fine for me, Carlos.”

Carlos rubbed his forehead, “Why can’t we share the bed? We’re both adults.”

TK heard the unsaid, ‘Don’t you trust me?’ and hoped Carlos remembered he had already said no, that he did not trust Carlos.

He finally decided to suck it up and face this head-on. He controlled his breathing and looked at Carlos, “I’m allowed to have boundaries, Carlos. And the idea of sharing that bed with you, our bed, when I know you’re married, makes me uncomfortable.” He sighed, “And please don’t tell me it’s a marriage in name only. I can’t hear that again.”

“But it IS a marriage in name only,” Carlos protested.

TK threw up his hands, “What does that mean, Carlos? Married in name only to me means married in the eyes of the LAW! What does it mean to you?”

“It means I was young and made a stupid mistake! Can you please let it go?”

“Let it go? How? Please tell me how I should make like Elsa and let it go? The man I am living with, the man I was engaged to, the man I LOVE, is married! You waited until we were looking at venues until we had told everyone we were engaged before you confessed that you are married! What do you want me to do, Carlos?” TK sank onto the couch and grabbed his head in his hands as tears filled his eyes.

“Baby, please don’t cry.”

TK wanted to shove Carlos away as he wrapped his arms around him but found himself sinking into it.

“I can’t take much more of this,” he whispered.

“I’ll fix this. I’ll fix us. I promise,” Carlos whispered back as he gently rocked TK in his arms.

Day 22

TK woke up cocooned into the sheets and winced as he opened his eyes. Crying as he fell asleep was never a good move. His head ached and felt stuffy. He grabbed his phone, checked the time, and hauled himself up.

“Good morning.”

TK began folding the sheets, “Morning,” he rasped.

“Can we please spend the morning together?” Carlos asked softly.

TK pondered Carlos’ question. He missed just spending time with Carlos, and their day-to-day lives. It had been over a week since they had spent time together.

“I have a meeting with my support group at ten,” he said softly.

“That’s usually for an hour, right?” Carlos asked as he came closer.

“Yes,” TK bit his lip.

“Let’s have a quick brunch after? We’ll go to Bouldin Creek Cafe. It’s right around the block from your meeting and you love their veggie royale sandwich.”

TK wanted that. He wanted to spend some time with Carlos. For Carlos to remember that they had a good thing going between them. For Carlos to pick him over his so-called friends. His wife. His mind skittered away from that.

“Say yes, TK,” Carlos coaxed sweetly.

TK smiled a small smile, “Yes.”

“Great!” Carlos gently wrapped his arms around him and kissed his hair.

TK stopped fighting his feelings and allowed it. He hoped this meant that Carlos understood his boundaries and was going to respect them.

—

TK was emotionally drained after his meeting. As he walked down to the cafe, he gave himself a gentle lecture to remind himself not to give into the usual affection Carlos bestowed on him after group therapy. Physical affection was off the table until Carlos got his legal tangles sorted.

He knew realistically that it could take a minimum of three to six months before Carlos was granted a divorce. He had to figure out a way for them to live together peacefully through that. He halted in his tracks. Did he really want to sleep on the couch for that long? He ran his fingers through his hair. It would make more sense for him to move out for some time. They needed to work on rebuilding their relationship and they probably should not be living with each other through it. He decided to spend some time thinking about it later.

He smiled when he walked in and saw Carlos at a table by the window.

“Hey,” he said as he sat down.

“Hey,” Carlos smiled warmly at him. “I ordered the veggie royale and apple cider for you to get started with and the lavender mocha to go.”

TK, who didn’t have much time before he had to get to work and was starving, appreciated Carlos’ care. “Thanks.” He took a tentative sip of his apple cider and was surprised to find it was drinkable. He hummed in pleasure and took a long sip. “Thanks,” he looked at Carlos and back at his cup. He knew Carlos had to have ordered the cider much earlier for it to have cooled down to be drinkable. It lightened the burden on his heart. It was the little things they did for each other to make each other’s day better that TK had been missing the past twenty-one days.

“You don’t usually schedule therapy on a workday day. I just wanted to smoothen the rest of your time before work for you,” Carlos said gently.

TK just nodded in acknowledgment. Carlos had to know how stressful this situation was for him. He had needed some talk therapy.

“Are you ready to go back to work?”

Carlos nodded, “I feel ready. They’ve put me back on days for this week and then I’ll switch to nights.”

“Oh, good. You were due for nights from this week. Any further schedule changes?” TK asked.

“Yes, I already put it on the drive and shared it with you,” Carlos said quickly.

“Great.” They always had a copy of the other’s schedule. Fat lot of good that had done him when Carlos had gone off after his shift without informing anyone. He sank his nails into his arm to stop his train of thought. He couldn’t go down this road. Not here. Not now.

As they ate they chatted and made small talk, TK found himself unable to fully relax and wondered why. They were conversing easily enough, things were only a little bit awkward, so what was the problem?

Carlos insisted on walking TK to his car even though he had to walk home in the other direction. TK found it silly and charming. But he still couldn’t fully relax.

Carlos cupped TK’s cheek, “Have a good and safe day.”

“I will,” TK said and sighed as Carlos drew him into a tight hug.

It was only as TK was driving away that he realized what had him on edge. Carlos hadn’t apologized. Not for accusing him of badgering Iris. Not for giving him the silent treatment. Not for lying to him and going off to investigate without backup. Hell, he hadn’t even apologized for keeping his marriage a secret from TK. Just explained his reasoning and made excuses for himself. The food he had eaten sat like lead in TK’s stomach. Now what?

Day 23

TK took care to not slam the door shut when he came in. It had been a long shift filled with people with no regard for their life or anyone else’s and he was just worked up. In the words of Taylor Swift, he needed to calm down.

He was torn between laying down and enjoying the peace and quiet to chase away the beginning of the headache that was poking at the base of his skull or going for a run and inviting the movement, sun, and fresh air to do the job. Deciding movement and fresh air would help, he changed his clothes and headed out.

An hour later he gently shut the front door and patted it. Now he felt a lot more settled and was ready to enjoy his day off. Starting with a relaxing cool shower.

Stripping quickly, he stepped under the water and tilted his head up, the water flowing down his face rejuvenating him. As he dragged his soap bar over his arms, the scent of his lime basil and mandarin soap weaved seductively around him. It was amazing what a little self-care with his favorite products could do for him.

Turning off the shower, he swiped his hand over his hair and squeezed the excess water out, patted himself dry, and then wrapped his towel around his waist. He frowned as his eyes fell onto the soap bar sitting on the sink. Why was there a soap bar on the sink? Specifically a Jo Malone soap bar. A brand only he used. An expensive brand he budgeted for and bought for himself as his regular self-care treat. He peered closer and saw dried suds on it. Why had Carlos opened his bath soap and left it by the sink?

He texted Carlos after he had gotten dressed.

TK – Hey, why did you open a new bar of my soap and leave it on the sink?

Moving to the fridge he pulled out his milk and sliced up an apple to make a shake for himself. After blending it he poured the contents into a glass and opened his snack cupboard to grab his crackers. He frowned when he saw his ginger cookies, the last batch his grandma Rose had ever sent him, sitting front and center. He could immediately tell that the quantity in the bottle had reduced. Why had Carlos eaten his cookies? There had been half a jar left. Now only two were left. What the hell?

He snatched up his phone when it beeped and opened Carlos’ message.

Carlos – Sorry! the hand soap was over. Iris must have misunderstood when I told her to grab more from under the sink.

Iris. Now it all made sense. She had to have been the one who stole his cookies! Shame washed over him at the thought. They were just cookies. Food was meant to be shared. But TK couldn’t help but feel his upset was justified. Those were HIS cookies and Carlos knew not to help himself to them unless offered. So why hadn’t he stopped Iris?

His eyes darted around. What if it wasn’t Iris? Did someone else have access to his home? How could it be Iris? Carlos wouldn’t just give her unrestricted access to their home, would he? No, Carlos wouldn’t do that to him. TK gulped in air as he backed up into a corner of the kitchen. What was going on in his life? Carlos wouldn’t do this to him. He wouldn’t allow someone to make TK feel unsafe in his own home again. He just wouldn’t!

Day 24

“Are you going somewhere?”

TK looked up from where he was packing his bag and nodded. “Callie from C has her daughter’s game today. She called me to cover for her.”

“How many hours?”

“Ten hours. I should be home by 10:30.” TK zipped his bag shut, “What are you planning to do with your day?”

Carlos’ eyes darted around, “My mom wants to have lunch. She was hoping you would join us.”

“She didn’t let me know.” TK frowned and grabbed his phone off the counter, quickly checking his messages. “I don’t have anything from her.”

Carlos held up his own phone, “She asked me to ask you.”

“Oh,” TK slid his phone into his pocket, “okay.” Things were so awkward with Carlos that it was making him physically uncomfortable. “I’ll see you tonight.”

“Be safe.”

TK nodded at Carlos’ soft words as he grabbed his things and walked past him.

—

At 9 pm TK was heading to his car, Callie at his side. Her family dinner to celebrate her youngest had ended early enough that TK was on his way home earlier than he had expected.

“TK, I just wanted to say thank you again. Sammy was so happy that Ron and I both made it.”

TK smiled, “I’m happy I could help. It’s nice when parents can show up for their kids.”

She smiled then sighed and gently touched his arm, “I also wanted to say I’m sorry. I know you were grabbing every opportunity at overtime you could get to save up for your wedding. Calling it off,” she paused and shook her head. “I-I can’t believe he did this to you. Hid a spouse for the entirety of your relationship.” She squeezed his arm, “If you need to talk, I’m here.”

TK couldn’t even force a smile on his face. He nodded, “Thanks,” he said softly.

As he drove home all he could think about was curling up in bed and losing himself to sleep. He groaned when he realized he had been sleeping on the couch and wouldn’t even be able to comfortably curl up on it. Great, just great. At least things couldn’t get worse.

When he walked in the door to the roar of a T-rex, TK knew he had jinxed himself. He realized Carlos had not heard him come in because he had the volume turned up to a ridiculous level. He frowned as he took in Iris who was curled up on the couch with a blanket. Thankfully NOT with his blanket. Seeing her wrapped up in his nonna’s blanket probably would have been the last straw for TK.

He kept his bag aside and went into the bathroom to change his clothes and get ready for bed. But his bed being occupied annoyed TK to no end. What was Carlos thinking? It was 9:30. Why was Iris here?!

He made his way around the couch and dropped down into the armchair. He stared in shock when Iris screamed, jumped up, and threw a pillow at him.

He caught the pillow and tossed it onto the corner of the couch.

“Whoa! Iris! It’s just TK!” Carlos quickly jumped up and went to her.

“What is wrong with you?” Iris demanded. “Why would you sneak up on us like that?”

TK glanced at the TV that showed Lex and Tim stuck in the car with the rex trying to eat them, then back at Iris. “Is it sneaking when all I did was walk into my apartment?”

Carlos snatched up the remote and paused the movie. He looked more closely at TK.

TK watched as realization set in that TK had been home long enough to have gotten ready for bed already.

“Sorry babe, we didn’t hear you come in,” Carlos said. He laughed awkwardly as he glanced at Iris, “I told you the TV was too loud.”

Iris rolled her eyes and plopped back down on the couch, “What’s the point of this awesome system if you don’t use it to hear the T-rex roar?” She grabbed another pillow and hugged it. “This is our favorite popcorn movie, TK. You can watch the rest with us.”

TK glanced at Carlos to see what he felt about his wife’s tone and invitation. Like he needed her permission to watch a movie in his own home. When Carlos didn’t say anything he wondered why he was even surprised. “You’ll have to continue it some other time. I want to go to bed,” TK said politely.

“No! We don’t leave movies midway. It’s bad luck,” Iris protested. “It’s nearly over.”

TK knew there was an hour of it left. He looked at Carlos.

“It’s this thing Iris has,” Carlos said awkwardly. “We have to watch through to the credits.” He looked at Iris, “I told you we wouldn’t have enough time to complete it. We should have watched something else.”

“I told you, I’ve had a bad day! It had to be Jurassic Park,” Iris snapped. Her face crumpled, “Please, Carlos, I need this today.”

TK watched amazed as Carlos gave in. “Babe, why don’t you close the bedroom doors and we’ll reduce the volume?” he suggested.

“No,” TK said firmly. “Carlos, you know those doors are just for privacy and don’t filter out sound. I need to sleep.” He hoped his unsaid, ‘ask your friend to leave’ was loud and clearly understood. When he saw Carlos hesitating he sighed, “I’ll go to Paul’s for the night.”

“No!” Carlos said firmly. “This is your home.” He turned to Iris, “Let’s go to yours, okay? We’ll watch the rest there.”

“No! I told you we can’t be loud there, mom has her book club over.” Iris looked at TK and lifted her chin. “We have to watch till the end. I don’t want any more bad luck.”

And TK had had enough. He stood up, plucked the remote from Carlos’ hand, and lowered the volume to an acceptable limit for 10 pm. Pushing play he began fast-forwarding.

“What are you doing?” Iris demanded.

TK reached the end where the birds were flying over the water alongside the chopper. He sat back down as the end credits began playing and looked at Iris, “The end.” He could see Carlos’ lips twitching in amusement at his solution but he didn’t laugh and instead quietly began shuffling Iris out the door. He turned off the TV and tossed the remote control onto the coffee table.

“How could you allow that, Carlos?”

He rolled his eyes at Iris telling Carlos off as the door closed behind them. Her silence didn’t last long. Staring at the popcorn kernels spilled on the couch he wondered if had it in him to clean it up or if he could just grab his pillow and sleep on the floor. His ego demanded he sleep on the floor so that Carlos would come back and see him. He wanted Carlos to hurt too since Carlos just kept hurting his feelings. Wincing at his own ugly thoughts he tiredly pushed himself up and went to grab the vacuum cleaner. So much for curling into sleep.

—

Ain’t got no tears left to cry – 2/4 – BytheBry

Day 14

Day 15

Day 16

Day 17

Day 18

Day 19

Day 20

Day 21

Day 22

Day 23

Day 24

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BytheBry

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Ain’t got no tears left to cry – 2/4 – BytheBry

Day 14

Day 15

Day 16

Day 17

Day 18

Day 19

Day 20

Day 21

Day 22

Day 23

Day 24

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BytheBry

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